#i am not immune to writing characters who feel and think too much about everything oops

[seventeendeer]

TF2 analysis - on cultural references, context as characterization, and how to analyze comedy

-taps mic- HELLO, TEAM FORTRESS 2 COMMUNITY !

A while back, I received an ask requesting analysis of one of my favorite video games of all time and special interest of 12+ years, and you know I just had to go and turn that into a several thousand word essay for the reading pleasure of the people.

Because that shit got way too long, I’ve decided to put it into a post of its own. Hopefully a big title and no previous context being necessary will give more people an incentive to read it. I spent a long time on it and I think it’s pretty cool, and I would love some nice attention for my effort. ;w;

The ask I received went a little something like this:

Below the cut, I will be replying to these questions individually. It touches on everything from Cold War propaganda to the media landscape at the game’s launch in 2007 to first-person shooters as a genre - all to gain a better understanding of author intent, expected audience reaction, characterization and themes.

Anon previously requested help writing more accurate fanfiction, and damn it, that is what they are going to get!! and MORE

Introductory disclaimer:

First of all, for clarity's sake: this analysis is going to specifically talk about TF2 as seen through a fandom lens. I'm going to be talking about the game as a piece of media, creator intention, and the fandom's reactions to the game and extended canon - that is, the slice of the TF2 fandom that is interested in the characters, in the world and in doing at least semi-faithful fanworks.

I will not be touching on TF2's wider playerbase or meme culture. I greatly enjoy both, but they are not relevant to the post I made that sparked this anon's questions (I will link this post in the replies, in case anyone is curious).

I also have to disclaim that any references I make to real world history in this post have to be taken with a hard grain of salt. I've done my best to fact-check everything, but I am not infallible! For a better understanding of the historical elements I talk about here, please do your own research, and approach my claims with a healthy amount of scepticism, same as you would any unsourced social media post. (Readers may notice examples I give below primarily feature Soldier, Spy and Scout. This is because I feel I have the most solid grasp on the historical events and media that informs their characters, compared to the other classes. All the classes contain these contexts and meta complexities, but in an effort to not talk out of my ass too much, I have decided to focus on the characters I feel the most confident dissecting.)

>1) What tropes was the game parodying/what cultural contexts would you say are essential to understand, in order to better understand the game?

The characters of TF2 were specifically designed as satiric takes on national stereotypes depicted in American propaganda media during the Cold War. Two easy-to-explain examples to illustrate:

- Soldier embodies the ideal of a "red-blooded American" who is strong, brave, hyper-masculine, hates foreign superpowers, loves the vague ideal of "freedom" and firmly believes America is the greatest nation in the world. He prides himself on having personally murdered nazis in the past, despite actually having accomplished no such thing (comparable to the US taking a disproportionate amount of credit for defeating Nazi Germany in World War 2; at the time, WW2 was a very recent cultural memory that made for good propaganda fodder). He fears, hates and dehumanizes communists (as Soviet Russia was the US's highly-villified opponent during the Cold War). The satiric angle: he is depicted as so brainwashed by propaganda that he has become immune to facts and logic. He is horribly sadistic, brutal, paranoid and xenophobic. The ideal he is based on is portrayed as shockingly and disproportionally violent and illogical to the point of being laughable.

- Spy is based on how the US viewed France during the Cold War: as a weak, cowardly, “unmanly” nation. At the time, France was depicted this way because they were perceived to have surrendered to Nazi Germany early on in World War 2 out of cowardice. Spy is one of the least macho of the mercs, he is ineffective when fighting enemies head on, and his main method of attack is reliant on trickery and “not fighting fair.” The satiric angle: Spy isn't actually much of a coward - he is more intelligent, more tactical and more resourceful than many of the others, and simply doesn’t feel the need to risk his neck when he could be working smarter, not harder. The other characters are portrayed as a bunch of meatheads for picking on him. The negative stereotype he is based on is portrayed as largely unearned and ridiculous. (Though note that Spy is also depicted as an upperclass prick to contrast with Engineer being working class; in that dynamic, Spy is depicted as a pompous asshole, while Engie is depicted in a more favorable light. The characters are multi-faceted and no class is universally “better” or “worse” than the others, but right now I'm specifically focusing on the "Cold War stereotype" aspect.)

Notice how, while these two characters have different nationalities in-universe, they are both based on stereotypes seen through an American lens. Notice the way the American character is based on a comedically deconstructed ideal, while the character from a nation the US did not view favorably at the time is depicted as falsely judged by an unfair and ridiculous metric.

The entire TF2 cast and universe revolves on this axis! It takes old American ideals and prejudices and uses them for comedy, adding exaggeration and caveats to make those ideals look absurd.

It’s a parody of media produced in the US during the Cold War, which contained massive amounts of propaganda. It satirizes the political ideals that were glorified in said propaganda media.

Very important extra cultural context: this satiric depiction of old war propaganda was specifically designed to be instantly recognizable to TF2's central demographic at the time of release in 2007.

Older Valve games like TF2 were very specifically made to appeal to pop culture-savvy, nerdy young adult gamers. This demographic was expected to see the characters and think "oh hey, it's like a funny version of X character type I've seen in movies!"

Because those kinds of movies were still everywhere at the time. The Cold War ended in 1991. TF2 was released only 16 years later. To put this into perspective: the Legally Blonde movie came out 22 years ago, in 2001. Think about how many Legally Blonde memes are still floating around the web today, how fondly remembered this one movie is and how often it’s still referenced in contemporary media. Now consider that media produced during the Cold War was fresher in the cultural memory at the time of TF2′s release than Legally Blonde is for us today.

TF2 was never meant to be seen in a vacuum. It was always meant to be in conversation with old media that it expected everyone playing to be extremely familiar with.

I'll say that again: the cast of TF2 are based on Cold War stereotypes - comedically exaggerated - so they would clearly read as parodies to people in 2007.

Those are 3 different overlapping lenses to consider when approaching the characters.

The characters are more than just funny cartoon men with guns and an unusual amount of differing accents. They are commentary on older media trends.

Now, someone might ask - why did the developers choose this specific aesthetic and tone for their online shooter video game?

The developers have stated multiple reasons, including wanting the characters to be immediately recognizable both physically (they generally look like the stereotypical depictions they're based on) and audibly (the differing accents and regional dialects make it easy to identify which class is yelling in your ear mid-combat during gameplay).

However, I also have another theory:

It's been confirmed TF2's comedic tone was designed to combat a lot of negative aspects of shooters in the genre at the time of its creation. I have seen developers discuss that they were going for a lighthearted atmosphere to discourage player hostility.

I, personally, also think it is extremely likely the developers opted for satirizing old war propaganda partially in order to combat the tendency of other shooters often being war propaganda. Valve has always been a politically left-leaning company, with a history of depicting military-like forces and unchecked capitalism in a negative light (see the Half-Life and Portal series, respectively).

By depicting the cast of TF2 as generally unhinged, illogical and clownish, they were able to communicate to players: "War is dumb, nationalism is dumb, whatever Call of Duty has been telling you is cool is actually illogical and copying it makes you look like like an idiot. That being said, we all sometimes wish we could beat the shit out of other people in the desert with a shovel, so let's get our aggressions out in a safe, non-serious environment with no consequences. Come play pretend you're a murderous sadist blowing up equally unhinged people with us, it's silly, but it's so fun."

I believe everything from the cartoonishly over-the-top, non-permanent deaths to the deserted, remote environments, to the lack of any truly innocent or defenseless characters was all a carefully crafted foundation made to encourage players to make the informed decision to leave their inhibitions and moral hangups at the door. They wanted players to have fun and go nuts engaging in military-like violence, without encouraging pro-military attitudes in their playerbase.

For an example of a game that royally screwed up doing the same thing, just look at Overwatch - it tried to preach a "wholesome" vibe that was completely mismatched with its gameplay. Overwatch tries to justify extreme violence as Okay When Good Guys Do It To Bad Guys, which ... yeah, again, that is straight up modern military propaganda, on purpose or not (and knowing the US military’s tendency to pour money into video games that glorify war, “on purpose” isn’t as much of a stretch as one might think). Paradoxically, TF2 comes out both looking and feeling better to play, because it handles aligning player emotions VS in-game actions much more elegantly. It accounts for common pitfalls in its genre. OW jumps into those pitfalls with both legs and instead ends up looking shallow and nauseatingly twee.

Of course, all of this is personal speculation. Whether or not this was the reading that Valve intended, I do believe it's a big reason why TF2 has remained so profoundly loveable over the years - it uses its writing and art direction to put the player in the perfect mindspace to Fuck Shit Up.

It's a fantastic example of how to carefully and artfully craft something extremely stupid for maximum intended effect. It uses the strengths of comedy as a genre to its absolute fullest.

Unfortunately, because of cultural shifts since the game's release, newer fans do end up missing out on a lot of what makes this game so expertly done. Many newer fans don't come into the game with the base cultural knowledge it expected of its original audience. To gain a better grasp on the characters and enjoy this piece of media as it was intended, I think it will be extremely helpful to familiarize yourself with the material it is referencing.

For an introduction to media produced and influenced by the Cold War, I would recommend the Wikipedia article Culture during the Cold War as a starting point.

(I have skimmed, but not read, the full article; I encourage readers to be especially source-critical when engaging with pages like this that detail themes of history and propaganda - it's a starting point, not a finish line!)

>2) What themes/layers do you feel the fandom has lost sight of, over time? (or never really managed to acknowledge to begin with?)

Some of this is covered in the previous section, but I'll use this question as an opportunity to talk about another thing I feel is overlooked by fans (and, frankly, the writers of the newer comics too), especially when creating fanworks:

The fact that the characters are extremely dependent on their setup and narrative context to be likeable.

Something I think fandom culture struggles with in general is interpreting and handling fictional characters not as real, independent people who exist in a vacuum, but as the sum total of countless moving parts inside a narrative all working together to create the impression of a real person.

In a comedy, characters are especially dependent on presentation to feel like themselves. It is not enough to loyally recreate an arbitrary list of personality traits in order to create accurate fanworks - recreating the sorts of situations they get into, the kinds of people they interact with, and cherry-picking the information they have access to is neccessary for bringing out what makes the characters so charming!

This is especially important when interpreting and handling a cast made up exclusively of characters who are mean people with bad intentions, bad opinions and a complete lack of adequate self-reflection across the board.

Canon makes them all come off amazingly likeable, but this is because the writers were manipulating tone, relationship dynamics, setting, and much more to show off the characters at their most distinct, least detestable and absolute funniest.

Overlooking this aspect of writing comedy characters often leads to a very common pitfall in many, many fandoms out there - following the logic of a character's canon personality to a place they don't like, and getting rid of those personality traits to combat their own discomfort.

Making characters too kind, too understanding, too progressive, etc., is an endless source of micharacterization in fandoms in general, but especially in fandoms of media where the characters are a bunch of dicks in canon.

To be clear, I fully understand where this is coming from. Fans get attached to characters like these because they're funny (and intended to be loved!) - realizing that a character you really like would logically react in an unlikeable way if you put them into certain situations feels bad. No one wants to turn a character they love into something they find they don't love anymore.

But this is where carefully engineering your setup and narrative comes into play.

Example:

A lot of TF2 fans are queer. Queers flock to TF2 because let’s face it, the campy vibes and silly fun masculinity and weird women are like catnip to us.

But a lot of queer fans go into the fandom aspect of the game and find that ... wait, shit, these characters are not exactly pillars of progressiveness. Reconciling some of the extremist political views of the characters with queer narratives, with queer values, seems a daunting task to some. Because what’s a queer fan to do? Portray a character they love in a way that makes them unloveable? Painstakingly depict shitty, uncomfortable characterization in the name of “realism” that ultimately detracts from their own and other people’s enjoyment of the story? That’s not fun. Fandom is supposed to be fun. So, what, do they just portray the characters as miraculously having perfectly amicable social politics by the standards of the larger queer community in 2023?

Some do, of course, for their own comfort, and it’s understandable, but it’s not good storytelling. It’s an excessively shallow way of interacting with media - the fanfiction equivalent of confidently sitting down to write an in-depth, flowery review of a horror movie you watched with your hands over your eyes during all the scary parts. You cannot create fanworks that are even remotely faithful to the spirit of the canon while deliberately ignoring the core themes and author intention of the canon you’re working with. These things are, unfortunately, mutually exclusive. TF2 characters are meant to be wrong about most things politically. Hopefully my reply to the first question in this post adequately illustrates why that’s so important.

But the good news is that bastardizing canon in order to avoid making characters unlikeable also isn’t necessary.

There’s a reason Soldier, in canon mocks his enemies for everything from failing at masculinity to being disabled, yet doesn’t have a single homophobic line:

The people writing his lines figured it would detract from the character. It would hurt real people’s feelings and make the character less fun to play as, so they didn’t include it. No excuses, no explanation; it is simply omitted for the sake of likeability.

(For contrast, notice that the writers did not extend the same kindness to certain other minorities, like fat people - playing as Heavy fucking sucks when you’re fat, because every other class hurls fatphobic abuse at him. This is a fuck-up on the writers’ side; they failed to identify this type of humor as meaningfully detracting from the experience for a significant amount of players, and so ignorantly decided to include it.)

This is what I mean by “setup and narrative context.” I also like to call this “maneuvering”, because it involves selectively portraying a character in contexts and situations where they shine and instill the intended audience reaction, while steering them away from situations where they would logically act in ways that counteract how the audience is intended to feel about them.

Fanworks can absolutely do the same thing! Fanworks can even take the technique further, because they’re not bound by limited time and focus, the way the original work is!

Sticking with the above example of wondering What The Hell To Do when portraying a character who, due to the ideal he’s satirizing, should by all rights be on the wrong side of history in relation to queer rights, let me make a bold statement:

Soldier TF2 is not homophobic. He's a nationalist, a right-winger, a sexist, a xenophobe - but he's not homophobic.

Why? Because he just so happens to never encounter any gay people in canon. They happen to never cross his mind. He's thinking about other shit. If there's a Pride riot in Teufort, he just so happens to be looking the other way.

Soldier TF2 is not homophobic, because he can't think for himself. He's an idea, a fraction of a bigger narrative that he does not exist outside of.

And if he needs to encounter gay people in a fanfiction, don’t just passively follow the logic of his character to that uncomfortable place none of us enjoy going to - use that maneuvering! Make him misinformed, make him misunderstand, give him incomplete information - the character is not only a face with personality traits attached, his soul is also in the context of the story!

Make him homophobic, but he's pretty sure only Europeans can be gay (just look at them!), and it's already so damn sad that they weren't born in beautiful, paradisical AMERICA, so he pities them instead of hating them. Make him think he's successfully being homophobic, but he has misunderstood what a gay person is and thinks it's a particularly venomous type of snake (men who kiss other men are fine, why would he care about that when there are HORRIBLE HOMOSEXUALS slithering around in the desert that he needs to go blow up right now before they bring this glorious nation to ruin). Make him homophobic, but literally "phobic" - he's shaking and crying hiding inside a cupboard, and his newly-outed gay friends have to lure him out with canned meat and a trail of small American flags, treating him like a feral cat that needs a little time and space to get used to people.

That's funny. It's likeable, it's charming. He isn't portrayed as a good person, or woke in a way that clashes with the themes of his character, but with a little maneuvering, he is faithful to what makes him such a legendary character in canon - being a silly caricature that brings us joy.

If Soldier himself needs to be gay? There are ways to make it happen. Same approach. Get creative. Make it silly. Go for thematically appropriate comedic explanations, not cop-outs or realism*.

That is what I think the TF2 fandom is lacking - understanding of how to manipulate context to make a character feel like their own unique, lovable selves.

Characters are not just visuals and personality traits. They are also what happens to them, what they conveniently find out, what they happen to miss.

This is the same for every story, but it is especially important to understand in a comedy. Doubly so in a whimsical, hyper-violent, morbid comedy like TF2.

It's one of the most important layers to be able to recognize, and an even more important one to be willing to try to recreate.

*Unless you feel like doing a deliberate deconstruction, in which case, go ham, sometimes actively engaging with canon means doing some real weird stuff to it to make a certain point on a meta level. This is obviously different from the issues I described above.

>3) "even the newer official comics don't even seem to really "get" the original game" … I've had a nagging sense for years now that the TF2 comics don't really match the game, tonally -- which has admittedly soured my enjoyment of them -- but I've never been able to put two and two together and fully determine why that is. What would you say they've failed to "get" about the work they're based off of?

While I very much love the newer comics on their own merits, I do think they are wildly removed from the game, and lack a lot of depth by comparison.

I believe the greatest failing of the comics, especially the long-form comic, is that the writers do not seem to be aware of either of the subjects I covered above.

They do not handle the satirical aspect well. The newer comic writers don't even really seem to be aware that there is a satirical aspect - they treat the world as just a silly version of mid-1900′s media, with a narrow focus on silver age comics (which were primarily superhero comics, not an easy genre to match with TF2′s more grounded setting - see the comic’s limp attempt at doing a Superman parody with Sniper) + a dash of the Man’s Life magazines (would have been a good match, if not for the fact that it’s primarily used as aesthetics, with no attention given to themes the way the game does with its own media references). They attempt to write parody only, and even the parody aspect is a hollow effort. Crucially, the writers don't seem to have much of an opinion of the old media properties they're parodying, and without opinions to guide a parody, it becomes shallow and lifeless. "Mid-1900′s media was a bit silly, right?" isn't enough of a hot take to justify its existence. It needs an axis on which to spin to feel complete.

Reiterating the point I made in my answer to question 1: the game's satirical aspect circled the point that was "American media made during the Cold War pushed a narrative that was illogical and ridiculously misaligned with reality."

Its absurd humor is grounded in reality and follows a thematic red thread that the comic does not. As a result, the comic (again, primarily later entries) loses a lot of the sting and edge of the game.

Even though the comic attempts to be more serious and "dark" at certain points, the much more silly and easy-going game (and Meet the Team videos, not to mention) comes out looking more mature, interesting and layered, even though many of the layers remain subtextual. The game is fully married to comedy and has no intention of "getting real", but it is loyal to the spirit of satire. It has opinions. It has bite.

In the game and early supplementary material, there is a dread and horror in the subtext that the comics tried to bring to light later on, but the comic writers didn't know what the scary thing behind the curtain was.

The scary thing was - is - the Cold War.

The scary thing is the dread injected into the genre it's satirizing by people who wanted American readers and movie-goers to be afraid. Scaring people into compliance, into finding a sense of safety and comfort in their national identity, was the entire purpose of many, many pieces of media released at the time.

The comic writers didn't notice the subtext and figured they had to make up their own reasons for why the world of TF2 is so utterly fucked.

They didn't understand the cultural context, and they missed the mark entirely.

This also hindered the comic writers' ability to reproduce the game's humor and characterization. Without understanding where exactly the game's humor was coming from or why the characters were so likeable despite being horrible people, they lacked direction. They made the characters at the same time too impassionate, too stupid, too uncaring, and too nice. All together, the characters became less interesting, less likeable.

Example:

- In the game, Spy was not intended to be Scout's father. Spy having a relationship with Scout's mother emphasized Spy's craftiness and intelligence (undermining the enemy team not only through brute force, but through infiltrating their personal lives), and showed off the strengths of his aforementioned "softness" and sentimentality (he's the only mercenary shown to have consistent luck with women). It also emphasized the flaws in Scout's worldview, and his status as the team underdog, and showed a clear contrast to Scout's non-existent love life. Spy came out of the situation funny and likeable because he 1. was portrayed as cool and capable in a way the other mercs aren't, and 2. his softer side is simultaneously humorously endearing, consistent with the rest of his characterization, and highly informed by the satirical aspect of his character in a way that clicks perfectly thematically. Scout comes out of the situation likeable because his ego is balanced out by his bad luck - you can simultaneously see that he's trying too hard and why he's trying too hard. Spy and Scout's dynamic in-game is also fun and interesting, because you have a tough, hyper-violent, wannabe-macho young man who is desperate to gain the respect of both his team and his enemies getting freaking owned by a guy who is nowhere near the impressive-tough-guy ideal Scout strives to embody. The game's satirical points inform the characters and their actions, which gives the comedy depth and nuance, which in turn makes all characters involved fun to watch and easy to get invested in. It is the establishing of and subsequent pointing-and-laughing-at an ideal that produces engaging, character-driven comedy in this situation.

- By contrast, the comics decided that Spy was Scout's father. Spy's motives for getting involved with Scout's mother is no longer about gaining intel on his enemies. In this version of events, his motives are reduced to merely wanting to reconnect with an old flame. This completely undermines the dynamic described above, for multiple reasons: the situation no longer shows Spy as having a particular skillset that sets him apart from the other mercs, he is no longer portrayed as emotionally "softer" than the others (in fact, having left a poor woman to raise and feed 8 kids on her own while he was off enjoying his upperclass life makes him look incredibly cold in a way that is distinctly unfunny; I don’t think the writers thought this part through), Scout's comedic poor luck is no longer on display, and the "macho character is humiliated by the type of guy he respects the least" satirical aspect no longer works. There is an attempt to replace it with a mutual "ugh, I'm related to this guy?" running gag, but it's a very pale substitute for the layered, strongly characterized, thematically appropriate dynamic present in the original game. Spy comes out of it looking like more of a cowardly, cold-hearted fuck-up than a hilariously brilliant tactician with a heart. Scout comes off way too pitiable, because he is not responsible for his own misery here, and the person horribly bullying him and picking apart his self-esteem on the battlefield is his absent father who abandoned him as a child. He's not an objectively badass character who nonetheless fucks himself over in humorous ways trying to chase an ideal that objectively sucks - he's just a regular shitty guy who ended up in bad circumstances because of things outside of his control.

The comic writers didn't understand what Spy and Scout respectively represented in the game, and because of this, they didn't realize they were taking the characters off the rails and making them much less interesting as a result. They didn't realize they were killing off an endless source of comedy that supported the game's satirical angle in a fun, unique, dynamic way.

It resulted in a flat, flavorless subplot. It had some superficial attempts at "heartwarming" moments ...

... but here's my take: if the writers wanted to include more warmth and sincerity in the comics, wouldn't it have been way more heartwarming if Spy started treating Scout as his son even though he wasn't?

Would it not have been way more endearing to see him look out for his girlfriend's child, not because he has any personal ties to him himself, but because he knew if anything happened to Scout, his mother would be devastated?

Why not build from there? Why not make it an active choice? Why not preserve the existing dynamic and themes, and just follow that narrative thread to its logical conclusion?

Spy has an established sentimental side. Scout is desperate for approval. The reluctant surrogate father/son development practically writes itself. It would have been such a good way to explore TF2's themes more explicitly, too!

But again, the comic writers did not seem to realize the game even had themes.

I do like the newer comics. I do think they're really fun, and I did even enjoy the "Spy is Scout's father" subplot in its own way. But this complete inability to identify the game's themes, and thus the source of all its comedy, and thus the red thread defining characterization - it resulted in supplemental material that was lackluster, directionless and unable to scratch the same itch the game does.

They're good comics, but they're hardly TF2 comics.

>4a) … Sheerly out of curiosity, how do you feel Expiration Date holds up, in comparison?

Similar to the way I dislike Spy being revealed to be Scout’s biological father for coming off as a stilted, superficial attempt at being “heartwarming,” I also immensely dislike later supplementary material trying to promote Ms. Pauling to Scout’s recurring love interest for the exact same reason. Expiration Date pushes this subplot way past its breaking point and shows off extremely well why the “jerk characters are secretly a bunch of softies” treatment is so deeply, deeply out of place in TF2.

Back in the early comics, Scout hitting on Miss Pauling was played as a joke at his expense. He was an idiotic, sexist guy incapable of talking to a pretty woman without trying to fuck - she was a highly skilled and deviously manipulative minor character who mostly existed to show off how dangerously competent the Administrator and her people were. Scout acting like an utter dumbass too entrenched in his own limited worldview to notice what was happening right in front of him was important characterization for him, Miss Pauling’s quiet, calculating efficiency was important characterization for her boss, and their clashing personalities set the tone for the dynamic between the entire team of mercenaries and the conspiracy going on right under their noses.

Expiration Date chose to eliminate these layers and invent a completely new conflict for these two specific characters to go play with in a corner, which had nothing to do with their original characterization or the larger plot. Scout is now portrayed as being genuinely in love with Pauling, even noticing small details about her mannerisms and knowing about some of her interests, even though the entire point of their original interactions were that Scout was so busy trying to live his tough-guy-with-a-pretty-girl-on-his-arm fantasy he did not bother to listen to or learn anything about the women unfortunate enough to cross his path, allowing Pauling to carry out her job without causing suspicion.

Instead, Scout’s sexist approach to interacting with women is played for sympathy (”he’s actually a romantic underdog because the lady he likes accurately clocked him as an idiot!”) and inadvertently validated (”once she gave him a chance, she found out he’s actually a pretty okay guy!”).

In the process, Miss Pauling loses far too much of her usual competence, being visibly freaked out over having to perform a job she’s been shown to handle with grace in the past, and being taken aback by what should by all rights be routine weirdness in this world, all so she can have an eye-roll-worthy forced positive reaction to the entire experience at the end of the short, in a weak attempt to justify why she comes to like Scout more despite all the trouble he’s caused for her and wants to spend more time with him in the future.

The romance subplot is only made possible because the characters are heavily edited compared to their past portrayals, is only able to develop in the direction it does by aligning itself with the values of a character who existed to be a laughable, obviously-mistaken caricature, and is only able to distill a happy ending to the whole mess by stripping the other character of personal standards and agency.

Scout and Pauling are frankly two halves of a whole shitshow in Expiration Date, because the writers either didn’t notice or didn’t care about what older works were gunning for - all they saw was that Boy Liked Girl, Girl Did Not Like Boy, and that just wouldn’t stand! After all, everyone likes romance, right?

Scout, as he is portrayed in the game and in the early supplementary material, is one of my absolute favorites of the mercs. I find him incredibly funny, and the way his hyperactive, fun-loving, jokey traits overlap with his intense bloodlust (literally - he’s the class with the most weapons available that cause bleed damage!) and barely-suppressed rage makes him fun and fascinating. The little man has so much unchecked ADHD and cultural trauma he just has to go and kill people about it, which is just so intensely relatable in the “forbidden mood” way TF2 handles so well.

Unfortunately, I get the impression he has in later years fallen victim to the curse of being a skinny young white guy character, making him a target for writers who think every series needs a relatable everyman protagonist for either themselves or the audience to project onto (and who think skinny young white guys are the most relatable people around, for reasons you can probably imagine I’m not personally very fond of).

TF2 absolutely does not need a character like that, and butchering Scout’s established personality in the name of “relatable” and “wholesome” is first of all Some Bullshit, and second of all a lost cause. The character simply has too much baggage as an over-the-top caricature to be comfortably rewired into an author- or audience-surrogate. He’s always going to come out looking like an asshole - whether this aspect of his character turns out likeable or unlikeable is entirely controlled by whether the story itself acknowledges it.

I did find Scout and Spy's dynamic to be quite well done, though, especially if you ignore the "Spy is Scout's father" reveal from the later comics.

The idea that Spy didn't have to go and do all that, but has grown a soft spot for Scout purely because his girlfriend clearly loves her incredibly annoying boy and her happiness is his happiness, is perfectly in-character. Scout has also long been established to desperately crave approval from his teammates, and on paper, the idea of putting him in a situation where he had to let go of some of his macho man dignity, imitate Spy more closely and ultimately win a tiny bit of that approval he's been looking for is interesting and plays well with the game's existing themes.

It's just a shame Scout's motivations ended up being conjured out of thin air, in direct conflict with past characterization, for the purpose of enabling a schmaltzy, tonally dissonant romantic subplot.

tl;dr, I'm conflicted on the subject of Expiration Date. It's funny, it's cute when it's not trying too hard, and seeing the mercs dick around off the clock getting into stupid shenanigans together is something I've always wanted to see in a longer animated format. It’s largely a good time and a fun watch, despite its questionable gender politics and trope-y execution.

However, like the newer comics, it suffers immensely from writers who are simply unable to identify the themes, characterization and comedy style of older material, and thus, in my opinion, falls way, way short of its potential.

>4b) I'd be very curious to hear your thoughts on Emesis Blue, should you end up watching it.

I'll be sure to share my opinions if I ever get around to watching it!! I'm super curious about it. As I mentioned in another post, what little I've heard of it seems much more on-point thematically, and even with the characters being so far removed from their official characterization, I really get the impression this is a deliberate, informed choice, in stark contrast to the newer official supplementary material. I’ll be sure to drop some words on it if I ever get around to watching the full thing!

Anyway, that about wraps up my thoughts! If you’ve read this far, thank you for sticking with it, and please do consider reblogging - I’ve spent an insane amount of time writing and re-writing and fact-checking this, and I would love for it to reach just half of all the people who were curious about my initial posts on the subject. :’)

Follow-up questions are very welcome, though to be clear: I’m not really interested in “debating” the subjects I’ve talked about here. I know I posit a lot of hard opinions in this post and not everyone is going to agree with me and that’s fine - if you feel differently, I invite you to simply ignore me and write your own take on your own blog. No hard feelings, I just don’t enjoy those kinds of discussions. (Corrections on any factual mistakes I’ve made are of course encouraged).

[williamrikers]

King of the Cardboard Castle

- thoughts on kanghan after episode 2 -

i just rewatched the episode (because it slaps so hard, i'm fully on board and invested in this show now), and i want to write a little something on kanghan because i see some people in the tag confused by his choices. why did he go to sailom's with a gun? why did he end up comforting sailom? i think it's all very understandable from his character's perspective.

so, to me, that cardboard castle tells us everything we need to know about kanghan: his power is an illusion, built on an unsteady foundation, and could be torn down at any moment. kang is intimately aware of this and does everything he can to try and consolidate the little power and influence he has by any means necessary.

why use a gun to threaten sailom?

but sailom isn't afraid or deferential. he never, EVER is.

kanghan needs to feel dominant. he needs to feel powerful, and literally the only guy at school who keeps defying him is sailom. sailom keeps coming out on top time and time again because he's smarter than kang and never actually starts shit, he just reacts to what's happening, making him basically immune to being ratted out to people in positions of authority. even kang's own grandmother sees through kang's shitty attempts at manipulation and chastises kang in front of the principal.

kanghan's only power is that over the kids at school, truly a king of a very small and incredibly meaningless kingdom. but it is effective in making him feel powerful: all of the other kids defer to kanghan or are openly terrified of him (we saw them all dutifully lining up to have the videos removed from their phones, none of them are ever going to challenge kang).

and kang resents that--has a deep need to put sailom in his place, because he wants that feeling of total power. he wants all of his classmates to defer to him, not just 90% of them. at this point, it's turned into an obsession for him: make sailom afraid just once. make him tremble before kang just once. make him get down on his knees JUST ONCE. (and no, there is no gay subtext at all to kang insisting again and again that sailom should get down on his knees. don't worry about it kanghan your secret gay fantasies are safe with me 😘)

like, he's tried everything else: threatening him physically, trying to get him fired from his job at the car wash, ACTUALLY getting him fired from his job tutoring, hurting his friends, trying to convince his grandmother to cancel his scholarship, taunting him about his home situation and lack of money, actually throwing money in his face/on the ground (from what i understand, a taboo in thailand). and none of it has worked to make sailom treat him with the respect and fear he thinks he deserves. sailom would rather have given up his scholarship than lie about what happened and wrongfully apologize to kang. at this point, i feel like kang is too far gone to be able to back out. he has set this goal for himself (humiliate sailom), and it's been eating his brain. he can't rest until he finally gets what he wants.

can i just put in a quick tangent in here gushing over CHIMON'S MICROEXPRESSIONS!!! god, this man is a joy to watch, just look at the money throwing scene in part 3/4; the depth of emotion chimon manages to convey with just the slightest changes of expression is incredible. i've said this before and i will say it again: chimon is one of the strongest actors on the gmmtv roster right now and i am in awe of his skill.

anyway, kang goes to sailom's house fully intent on humiliating him, but what he finds there is so much worse than any of his own bullying has managed to be. for all his talk, kanghan is not a particularly scary or successful bully: he's the king of the cardboard castle. his power is an illusion, propped up by his family name and his family's money. i don't think he would be capable of taking a hot iron and burning someone with it--the level of violence that sailom is subjected to (ON THE REGULAR, I MIGHT ADD) is completely out of kang's wheelhouse.

and i do think that at this point he genuinely feels for sailom. that he genuinely does feel sorry for him, because you can't be obsessed with someone to the point of going to their house with a gun without caring about them in some way. on the contrary, the kind of obsession kang has with sailom runs bone-deep, and i am absolutely team "kang is going to fall first and fall hard". he's already obsessed with the guy! he values sailom's emotional state in a way he doesn't anyone else's! (sure, initially it's because he wants to make sailom submit but all that obsessive energy has to go SOMEWHERE, right.)

seeing sailom cowering and crying does put things in perspective for kanghan, i think. the way he reaches out to him seems almost involuntary, the way he touches him is hesitant and unsure. but this does read as a very genuine and understandable reaction to me: no matter their differences at school, this is a person who kang knows and, in a twisted way, cares very much about. the normal human reaction at this point is to reach out, to offer comfort, no matter how you feel about the person. it would have been weirder to me if he hadn't, honestly.

also, a note on the use of "friend" by kang in this scene: i've seen people making a big deal out of this but it's absolutely not that deep. please correct me if i'm wrong but as i understand it, "puen" is also frequently used to refer to classmates/people in the same year at uni, no matter whether you're close to them or not. "friend" is just a translation choice which fits imo, because you wouldn't say "get away from my classmate" in english. you'd probably say "get away from my friend" instead, even if you're not really friends, and translation is also about what makes sense in the target language. so him saying that is not some big 180, he's basically just stating that he knows sailom from school.

anyway, where was i going with all of this? to me, kang's choices in this episode are all completely justified from his character's perspective. i neither find it odd that he tried to threaten sailom with a gun, nor that he ended up comforting sailom. because everything he is and claims to be is built on cardboard: the guy doesn't know himself. we know he has some deeply, DEEPLY repressed gay fantasies and that he gets obsessed with the first person to openly defy him because that threatens the stability of his cardboard castle. what if everyone realises that deep down, kanghan is a cringefail loser who is so starved for love and attention he would rather fill the hole in his heart with violence and cruelty than be honest about who he is? what if everyone finds out he's not as scary as he'd like to be?

the cardboard underneath kang is flimsy, and i'm pretty sure his castle is going to collapse pretty soon.

[thousand-winters]

I hope YOU'RE doing well pal! 💖💖💖 I'd love to hear your Laios and Hooty thoughts

Actually now I'm thinking about them interacting and how cursed it'd be haha

I am today!!! It has been a good day for once haha. I hope you're having a good day today, and that your cats are doing good!!!

Oh, my gods, I can't decide if they would get along like a house on fire or if somebody would end up dead ahahaha. Or if Laios would consider Hooty looks stupid considering his reaction to Marcille's sky fish lmao 😭 I'm sorry, Hooty, you technically ARE a worm.

Okay, getting into it now, starting with Laios:

How I feel about this character

I love him!!! He ended up not being my favorite because I adore Marcille with my whole heart but he's such a good main character, honestly. I wasn't thinking too much about it when I started watching, I was just having fun and I think it showed already that he wasn't just a silly character or anything, but man... the moments he got the most serious, he had me in shambles haha.

I enjoy him very much, it's really cool to see the ripples in his relationship with both monsters and humans. There's so much to him that I'm yet to see too and I'm looking forward to it, he's definitely not the kind of main character you're kinda sick of and want to leave already haha.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

I have been swayed to the Labru side, finally, haha. I think they have a fascinating dynamic and while I certainly haven't seen everything they have to offer, the push and pull there makes it very compelling. Plus I'm not immune to cool fanart and funny posts, not gonna lie, but the main reason is that they seem to have a very compelling dynamic, not exactly direct or straightforward in its development and that really has me dying to see more.

I have been seeing Lashuro recently too and ngl, I've been going 👀 at that too. I remember I had talked with my friend Isis about how it was sort of funny that the Toudens do have very similar traits when it comes to how they view the world sometimes and yet Toshiro finds one annoying and the other charming. Probably in part a mix of attitude and gender, I'm not sure. Although in all fairness they seemed to be pretty at peace at the end so... I think it can be fun.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Marcille!!! Oh, they have so many good scenes with one another, they have such a fun dynamic, I love how much Laios trusts Marcille despite also knowing she can do shit like pour boiling water on an Undyne lmao.

In general they're very fun, the mix of them bickering but very obviously valuing each other's opinions and caring about one another is really good. Also I think it was you who said once they had siblings in lae energy and I can't unsee it ever since, they really do haha.

My unpopular opinion about this character

I haven't seen this much around tumblr or such, and I know the Dunmeshi Spanish fandom has the worst takes known to mankind but man, he's not dumb, come on now.

I doubt this is really unpopular and I especially need to actually read the full manga to understand his character more, probably, so I don't have too many complex opinions about him but... I feel like it's somewhat common to see him depicted as stupid but he's such a smart character, actually? He doesn't have to be the tropey nerd character to be smart, he has been shown to be very perceptive, even if he might be lacking on that department when it comes to social matters.

I just think writing him off as just being clueless and dumb is doing a big disservice to his character. He does have his struggles when it comes to general awareness and specific types of it but he's far from dumb.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

I truly cannot speak on this one since I'm not done with the manga, haha. I have been spoiled a bit by some really cool fanart and animatics, I'm not gonna lie, so I have the gist of some big things that are coming but since I have the idea and not the actual development of it, I don't feel like I can speak on any of it, nor do I have any concrete ideas there anyway.

So far I'm pretty content with everything I have seen, both anime and manga wise.

And now onto Hooty:

How I feel about this character

I love him. I get why he annoys a lot of people in and out of universe, he's one of those silly cartoon characters that's not supposed to be super deep (although what's up with Papa Titan having a Hooty in his eye? I still need answers about that), but I like that he's always sweet and loves his people even if they're mean to him. I'm so happy Lilith came along and started appreciating him, it's what he deserves!

I think he's fun in general. I definitely would love to think more about the deeper implications about his existence, how did he even meet Eda and all about that, but I have to admit I don't think enough about him most of the time to even have ideas in that department. He's just silly and I appreciate that.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

None, this is how you get the cursed image of Hootlets. Does anybody wants Hootlets? This is how we get them.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

LILITH!!! Their friendship makes me SO happy, they're adorable. I definitely didn't see that one coming but I like how they ended lowkey balancing each other with Hooty reminding Lilith to care for herself and that she should depend on others and Lilith remarking upon Hooty's own worth to the point he's not seeking attention desperately anymore after they become friends because he's far more content with his friendship. It might have been more about how the writing around him changed too, but I liked to think the fact they became friends also helped the rest of the Owl Fam to soften around him and appreciate him more.

I love that in the end Hooty is living his best life just going around with Lilith.

My unpopular opinion about this character

He's not THAT annoying except in the Spanish dub. And I'm saying this as a chronic "obnoxious cartoon mascot hater" haha. Hooty is obviously supposed to be a little much but I don't think it ever goes to the point in which you actually want to strangle him or wish he wasn't even in the show in the first place.

At least that's what the experience was for me, I'm aware opinions differ but I think Hooty is pretty fine as he is, honestly.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

Going back to that thing with Papa Titan and the Hooty eye... hey, what was that? Can we go back to that real quick? I really wish we had found out what was the connection between titans and... whatever Hooty is. I know Dana said at some point a specific youtuber had made the right theory but I could never figure out who was it and what did they say haha.

Anyway, yeah, I wish they had gotten into that. It would be Hooty AND titan lore all in one.

Thank you for the ask!!! From this ask game

[ezrisdax-archive]

Do you have more thoughts on Star Trek: Aventine? I know your pinned post is older but I’m always so enchanted by it when I visit your blog

oh! thank you! it's still my pinned post cause I love it so much.

I do have a few more ideas, like Ezri having to visit her brothers again when something she's investigating leads back to them and I wanted to really go more into a deep dive with Trill and explore Ezri eventually getting rid of symbiosis commissions laws in some areas. I know Discovery goes into it with Adira but I want Ezri to feel something about the fact that she has to keep this secret that any Trill can be joined as shown with her. also she's vocal about that time she was a murderer, hey symbiosis commission remember when you fucked that up? And talk more about the other hosts, we know a little about some of them and a bunch more about others but my god am I curious.

I def wanted to do a thing where Harry and Ezri worked their way to Captain together on Geordi's ship and thus have this camaraderie but Ezri hadn't met Seven before she was assigned to her ship and is like 'wow you're so different than Harry's stories' 'Captain Kim has a tendency to embellish', I think Ezri would set up little things with her command crew for bonding but when it comes to her and Seven it's just complaining about having different voices in your head and coming to terms with it a) suddenly being gone for Seven and b) suddenly existing for Ezri. and when it came to Seven being there it's because the Borg had shown up in the Gamma Quadrant for unknown reasons. I don't wanna make them the big bads like in TNG and VOY but I wanted some throwbacks to them, just in here and there episodes. I think if I was gonna make a big bad it'd be that Odo's talks with the Changelings created a division down them (look I'm not immune to the Geth division from Mass Effect) and now some of them are wondering why they're still not controlling what they had.

I dunno if you ever read this comics called Divided We Fall but in it Ezri has this sudden need to find Lenara after she goes missing but then the comic just...doesn't do anything with that, like Ezri finds her but there's never a conversation we get to see and the plot moves on which is why I wanted to ignore that completely and go with an episode where Ezri runs into Lenara, I just thought Lenara now going through the pain of losing a Dax twice and knowing neither that she loved can ever come back and meanwhile here's the new one in front of her is just something so interesting.

also I wanted to have anything where Molly or Naomi was the central character have a thing where it's them writing messages to Jake/the O'Briens/Kirayoshi or Samantha/Janeway. and an episode where Naomi works with Seven and makes a joke about it being just like old times and the two of them still get together for Kadis-Kot, maybe they've somehow found a technology that lets them get a message out to Neelix or Naomi has been writing all these reports to her godfather to one day share everything with him because Naomi believes in seeing her whole family again one day. meanwhile Molly's much more used to station life/earth life and is having some trouble adapting to the ship and wondering if she's cut out for it, I wanted to give her some more depth but not go full Barclay anxiety levels. It'd also be nice to have Molly get an episode where Kirayoshi is in trouble somehow and Ezri shares her wisdom when it comes to having a sibling.

Worf absolutely shows up too and Ezri is a little too gleeful he's admitting to all the changes that needed to be done on Q'onoS. 'Jadzia would not do such a vindication celebration' 'Yes she would'.

I also had a vague idea of a flashback where Ezri meets with Deanna and Deanna is the one who inspires her to make the move to join command and then she runs into Deanna again and thanks her. I'm a sucker for mentor-to-Ezri!Deanna type deal.

[lady-phasma]

Do you have any tips for writing Daemon Targaryen? I just want to get some starting off points for inspiration on how to write him correctly-

First, OMG I am so flattered!!

my gif

Secondly, I'm sure you read @em-writes-stuff-sometimes but if you don't you should. She writes Daemon differently than I do but so in line with how I imagine him if that makes sense. She and I have similar approaches to this character in our fics.

Disclaimer: I don't endorse Daemon's behavior in real life. I feel like I have to say that with how the fandom is now. I write a fictional character who is deeply flawed.

The way I write him that feels most accurate is avoiding only giving him one dimension. He is complex. He isn't just a bad guy. He is definitely that but more. Daemon loves fiercely and is very protective. I write him with the skewed moral compass I reference all the time. I don't judge him. (I mean I do but not as I'm actively writing.) I let him do what he wants and then I'm appalled at his choices.

I also tweak how I write him depending on the pairing. I think you said yours was an oc. When I write Daemyra he's a little subdued because he respects her power and authority. Not that he wouldn't do that with another partner but I emphasize that with Rhaenyra because that's how I write her. When I write him with a reader I set up the scene in my mind and then try to think about how he would react.

To be more specific, the character traits that I always write (and make some people frustrated) are:

he's prideful and possessive of anything that he feels he earned. Earned. I don't write him as completely entitled, he has been to war, he his a fighter.

he's not soft about anything but he has feelings dammit, he can feel everything we do. I refuse to write him as a sociopath, he isn't.

he can justify every choice he makes and feels they are the correct choices.

he was forced into a marriage at a very young age, far too young, and he carries that with him as most characters do in the GoT universe. He is not immune to that just because he's bad or a man. It definitely informs some choices if I'm not writing an AU.

he can't tell that all of his choices are bad at the time but I think he feels remorse when the outcome is bad but would never admit that to anyone if he is even able to admit it to himself.

this gem from Em: "he's a bitch, write him bitchy, if he can say 'fuck' then YES"

he is obsessed with House Targaryen and everything that means, that's pretty canon obviously but I don't understand it so I have to keep it at the forefront when I write anything about his family. It's a foreign concept to me but it is a huge motivation for the character.

I decided to separate how I write smut for him. I write him as a bit dominant most of the time and he seems to walk a tightrope between love making and rough sex. I base that on what I think his mood is in the scenes that led up to the smut. I think that goes back to the possessiveness - he sees sex as part of ownership.

I know there is more that I will think of later but that's what I have for now. Thank you so much for asking!

[onaperduamedee]

Notes on Towers of Midnight

Starting with the penultimate book, the one with Egwene as full Amyrlin, with Rand post-Dragonmount, with Mat's katabasis to rescue Moiraine! I am vibrating with excitement!

"Mandarb’s hooves beat a familiar rhythm on broken ground as Lan Mandragoran rode toward his death." - happy to see that 20 years have taught lots to emo prince Alan.

Of course, Nynaeve's work paid off and now he's picking up Borderlanders.

Lan, you dunce, refusing to take Bulen because Nynaeve had tricked him is petty. Just accept the help without having him beg.

How nice of the book to remember Perrin actually had a rather neat arc about wolves before whatever leadership arc happened.

Glad we are properly addressing the Aram issue and Perrin's guilt.

"And yet you use them the same way." - and the penny drops. Even if this is war, violence is always worth questioning, especially after the last book and the new weapons emerging.

So the True Power is essentially the Dark Lord's Power?

Aran'gar, too busy making out with Delana to notice the impending disaster, is the true bisexual representation.

So the ravens and rats are used as spies through a weave that allows whoever compelled them to see through their eyes?

Graendal is by far the most clever of the Forsaken for putting together Rand's stratagem and an escape so fast. At least, Rand did get Aran'gar, but at the cost of Delana and everyone in that palace. 

Rand now thinks Graendal won't be a problem...

Hats off to Galad for stopping Asunawa's Children using their own rhetoric.

Galad/Egwene parallels now... That's especially interesting as it positions the Children as a mirror to the AS.

I didn't find that prologue particularly exciting tbh.

Not a good sign that the farmer that almost made me abandon TEotW is back.

Rand is sprouting flowers in his wake? That's cute. He seems much assured now, at peace. Which I am not completely sure about. He seems like a whole new character.

So we won't know why Annoura was meeting Masema because Jordan didn't write it down and Sanderson didn't know.

Well, Galad's power arc was over fast. No sooner had it started that the Children already rebelled and freed him. It's a bit disappointing.

Awwww Siuan likes Saerin now that she is freer to form bonds with all sisters. Her arc means so much to me.

Siuan hoped Egwene would name her Keeper and regrets the little time Egwene has now for her. My heart. Their relationship is everything.

It is so nice to see Siuan eager to continue what she started with Moiraine freed from the entanglement of power. I love that she still feels a pang of regret because the Dragon in the Tower should have been the culmination of 20 years of her work.

As much as I love seeing Siuan reflect on what she could not do as Amyrlin, I still think Sanderson is bungling her characterization with this quippiness and gruffness; Jordan wrote her as someone who suffered no fools, always one step ahead, but it translated into action rather than conceits.

Rand's acknowledgment of Siuan's help feels so satisfying. Yes, Egwene and the Tower united owe much to Siuan, as much before her fall as after. I hope the sisters will recognize her work more. She was a pivotal player.

Siuan showing such pride in Egwene... My heart.

"She must never forget that there was an entire world outside the White Tower’s walls. The purpose of Aes Sedai was to serve that world." - I am extremely curious as to how she will achieve that because the Tower is still wounded and people remain extremely distrusting of Aes Sedai.

"I’ve been struggling to avoid Aes Sedai strings of control. And yet, I allowed other strings – more dangerous strings – to wrap around me unseen." - Yep, I am at least satisfied by this acknowledgment even if I don't grasp what Sanderson is doing with Rand's characterization.

So Egwene is also immune to ta'veren pull?

I'm tentatively hopeful about the Egwene/Rand opposition. I've been saying for books that Rand should be as careful with the AS as he was with the Seanchan and now we're going to see why he should have played a long game with them. It will hurt.

“The same empty words over and over, Hopper sent.” - I am with Hopper. When will Perrin stop wallowing?

Perrin finally accepts that maybe he needs to learn how to work with his wolf self, Galad encounters Basel Gill's Caravan, and piecing together it's Perrin's army, Gawyn investigates what's obviously Mesaana's victims... It's too much dithering.

"Aes Sedai, for all of their cunning, sometimes seemed to have remarkably underdeveloped senses of self-preservation." - I continue to be extremely surprised by how prevalent a belief it is in this world, not only for AS but in general, that people should all be capable of killing and defending themselves.

Gawyn is a fool for believing that Egwene, the Amyrlin, owes him any explanation. The audacity of this man.

"Light, a Forsaken in the Tower seemed more plausible than Egwene being the Amyrlin Seat! " - Egwene, ditch him, please. Also, his argument for ordering Aes Sedai to take warders... He has the emotional intelligence of an oyster.

Perrin is infuriating. Thirteen books in, and he's still doing the whole “I don't want to be in charge thing”. Even Mat accepted he had responsibilities toward his people. 

I don't trust Bawler for peanuts.

How refreshing to be in Morgase's POV.

The Aes Sedai suggested they link with the Asha'man to give them strength. That's a really sensible idea that would save us a great deal of time.

WO: we're not like Aes Sedai

WO the next sentence: act exactly like AS

"For a man who claims he doesn’t like being in charge, you certainly do like giving commands." - Thank the Light Morgase called out Perrin for marrying her off with Tallanvor like that. Her agency has been constantly trampled for months.

Interestingly, both Gawyn and Perrin seem to resort to pairing off women to tie them up to men using excuses that sound an awful lot like preventing waste. I don't like that at all. Women are not loose ends.

Okay, but Lan is a bit ridiculous with his insistence no one should follow him. They will follow him whether he wants it or not. It's their nation too. They have a right to fight for it.

A Mat chapter! This will-they-won't-they-fight between Perrin and Galad was tedious.

"Of course, Mat did not look at women anymore, not like that. He did not think about her for him to kiss. Maybe for Talmanes" - Mat, you're bi. You don’t have to pretend.

"Light, he hoped that she had not left instructions for him to help someone in trouble."- That's hilarious. He is incapable of not helping people in need.

Mat is planning to deal with the gholam for real. That's good. It's time to conclude the various plots and this went on for long enough.

The description of Thom performing is exactly what we got on-screen. I am in awe of the writers' holistic approach to adaptation.

"We can’t leave her with them. Those snakes and foxes" - light, this makes me so anxious about the state they will find her in. Moiraine, please be okay. Mat was messed up after a visit with them and Moiraine has been held for months.

"but for an Aes Sedai, I kind of like Verin. And I’m a good judge of character, you know that." - awwwwwwch, too soon. I am emotional again. Mat is also taking his promise seriously.

Psst, if you need someone to open a gateway to the Tower, what about Siuan? She could help, even if she isn't strong enough anymore. Link with Leane?

The Mat and Teslyn scene was so wholesome, and her immediately helping him fight the gholam felt so satisfying. Wouldn't it be thematically relevant if he did free all the damane from the Seanchan? He may hate Aes Sedai, but he certainly earned their respect and trust.

"'I need to write a letter to Her Royal bloody Majesty Queen Elayne the prim.’

Joline sniffed. ‘Are you going to swear at her too?’

‘Of course I am,’ Mat muttered, turning to go back to Thom’s tent. 'How else is she going to trust that it’s really from me?'" - I laughed. I seriously love him.

Mat is such a dynamic character. He is dealing with Verin's instructions, with the gholam on his trail, with Moiraine's rescue, all at once. He interacts with many different people from different groups in a way that feels completely natural.

I don't understand: is Tam with Perrin now? He witnessed his son clearly breaking down, ready to kill him, then Rand disappeared and we're supposed to believe that Tam went back to Perrin in the meantime? Or were Perrin chapters before Dragonmount?

Lovely to see the Asha'man experiencing the joy of saidar through linking and having hope for a future now that saidin is clean. But I am now afraid Grady is a goner. That conversation feels ominous.

I honestly don't care for the Perrin and Galad plotline. I don't even think Perrin's Whitecloak arc needed resolution.

The writing for Elayne's pregnancy remains atrociously caricatural. I have no words.

I still feel so sorry for Cairhien. Elayne has 0 ties to Cairhien apart from a father who died young. Saying she is a legitimate choice for the throne is technically correct but so unfair to the Cairhienin. No self-determination allowed here, she's just another foreign leader seizing a land ravaged by famine and war.

Elayne thinking Mat and the Band are just mercenaries and forcing them to camp outside is excellent.

Mat's letter and Elayne's reaction were so cute! I am looking forward to their reunion. They need the support.

I like Sanderson's writing for Elayne better? I prefer the way he shows just how unconventional a ruler she is, and the increased snarkiness serves her character rather than breaking it like Siuan. The closer he writes her to Mat, the better her character works for me.

I far prefer Nynaeve's caution regarding Rand to Min's confidence.

Alanna vanished without a trace? Could she have been taken by a Forsaken?

Okay, it is ironic that Cads suspect Nyn of being BA even for a second. I doubt we will have much more big DF reveals after last book.

"Facing the end of the world with the Dragon Reborn completely out of control was one of them." - you don’t say, Cads.

"'As persuasive as you can be, Nynaeve,’ Cadsuane said dryly, ‘the Shadow has means to make people more forthcoming.’" - I would still bet on Nyn.

Yeah, I was suspecting it last book but the way Veins of gold unfolds is all the more frustrating now that this new Rand undoes every single obstacle created previously for Rand to surmount. It's an extremely convenient resolution.

"‘I thought I was being forged into a sword,’ Rand said, eyes growing distant. ‘But I was wrong. I’m not a weapon. I never have been.’" - excellent. I love the way this calls back to Moiraine's words about people being tools in TEotW.

"‘I am not only one of those fools, my friend, but I am their leader. Queen of the fools, you might say.’" - Egwene, I love you, with all my heart.

Her mastery of tel'aran'rhiod remains one of the elements I await the most eagerly.

I like the idea that Accepted should learn with the Wise Ones but I continue to find heinous the belief that WO training is better because it is even more brutal.

At least, Egwene sees that the WO would benefit from working with AS as well.

"'Do I really have you, Nynaeve?’ » - ooof the conversation between Nyn and Egwene is probably my favorite moment of the book so far. Their friendship never recovered from Nyn trying to assert authority over Egg after her captivity with the Seanchan and Egg threatening and hurting Nyn in reaction. This is proof of how frail that relationship still is. It doesn't mean they don't love each other, but what was lost can never be recovered, because their life followed different paths and some wounds, even unwittingly given, healed in a way that closed off an entire range of intimacy between them. It's a very real, adult, and raw sentiment and I love that Sanderson struck that balance of affection that's uneasy without being resentful. Egwene does need Nynaeve, and Nynaeve will always try to heal things. But this is as best as it can get.

Elayne's pregnancy is whatever in itself, but the way it's written so that Elayne becomes a liability who can't properly channel and a caricature of a pregnant woman is just so sexist, I am fuming. How the hell was this published recently?

Hurrah for the Wonder Girls meeting again though. 

(Don't worry Nyn, you'll get the Malkier throne) 

And I am super excited if Alviarin becomes Egwene's foil. She's one of my favorite antagonists.

The Asha'man's madness not going away after the cleansing of saidin is fitting, somehow.

The bubble of evil turning people into husks crumbling to dust reminds me of La Nuit des Temps. I love that body horror and I hope they keep this on-screen.

"Anything should be Healable, she told herself. Anything but death itself." - oh, Nynaeve... The fact she's probably not going to end up as a researcher in a brand-new medical institute is A Tragedy.

She cured the Madness!!! Hell yeah Nyn. I would have loved to see her work at it more beforehand, but I feel so relieved for the Asha'man. NYNAEVE.

No chance the AS are ever going to turn Nyn into anything she doesn't want to be. She's like Cadsuane in that regard. Rand doesn't have to worry. That's her thing; from the start, she's the one who changed the least and stayed true to herself.

"To be Aes Sedai is to be what you decide it is,’ Rand said, his stump still held behind his back. ‘Moiraine cared. You could see it in her, even when she was calm. The best Aes Sedai I’ve known are the ones who others complain aren’t what an Aes Sedai should be.’" - I agree with Rand, but he hasn't been in contact with enough Aes Sedai to make that judgment? I mean, that's the heart of his opposition to Eggy; they don't know each other. Also, it would have been nice to say that to Moiraine's face.

It's interesting because Nyn is also an unfitting mentor in the sense that she is very much a carer rather than a guide. Rand acts more like a guide to her than she does. She is too close to him to teach him, so what is left is essentially a position of minder.

It's a good twist and I'll be curious to see if the narrative doubles down on it or subverts it. Still, it creates this lovely intimacy between Rand and Nyn that makes Rand's trust in Nyn to defeat the DO all the more genuine and tender.

I had a suspicion the madness was closer to cancer than mental illness. It cannot always be healed. In Rand's case, it has spread too much.

I have reservations about Sanderson overexplaining the madness to the point of contradiction though.

"The Shadow’s Amyrlin.’" - that made me laugh. It's a cheesy line, but then the Forsaken are very Grand Guignol so it fits.

Glad to see Egwene is still working with the BA hunters and now they're preparing to sniff out Mesaana, hell yeah. I love that spy stuff.

Siuan is completely MIA though. I am distraught. If we don't get a scene where Egwene and Siuan make up, I am going to add this to the list of missing scenes I don't have time to write.

How much of Faile regretting her behavior is character development and how much is it Sanderson not vibing with her prior characterization? As much as I understand captivity would change her, it doesn't explain how she forsook a culture that required of her this jealousy. I'm not saying it's impossible, but that's why it would have been better to focus more on Faile's side of the story during the Shaido captivity. It's that character connective tissue that Jordan was skilled at and that was denied Faile strangely.

Faile and Perrin communicating? Sharing trauma? Faile compromising? Perrin accepting he's been running away from his issues? Is this a dream? More seriously, they grew a lot, even if it seems a bit sudden. The change isn't unwelcome.

Everyone is leaving Mat, including my man Juilin. Ironically, they feel safe in the Tower, but given that from Perrin to Rand the heroes are strangely tolerant of the Seanchan, I get it. 

So Mat does intend to convince Tuon to free the damane? Right? Right?!?

The gift to Joline was cute. He does care about them. It's awkward and his inner thoughts remain childishly sexist, but he did improve.

I wish Mat wasn't making so many fat jokes at Vanin's expense. I don't see the point. We already know he's callous and kind of a jerk.

Still not a fan of Mat's lack of empathy for women though: Thera is not a mouse, but someone who's been enslaved and traumatized. And Sul'dam are not like Rand: he never enslaved people and tortured them into obedience. I get the point he's making but the parallels only reinforce the fact he feels more empathy for the slave masters than their victims, which has been a recurring theme with the Seanchan.

Yes, I love Mat. Yes, I think this writing choice is callous.

Seanchan slavery is 100% slavery: the fact it is part of their culture doesn't make it less so. In Mat's culture, it should be abject and he's just uncomfortable with it? Does it reflect the North/South attitude toward slavery before its abolition in the US?

I talked too fast about the gift. He now goes back to pranks? That was something he did in book 1, ages ago. Why?

I am not sure about the way Sanderson writes Mat.

"And what about the people around you? Give you no thought to the danger you could cause them?’" - Birgitte is right to point out the flaws in Elayne's reasoning. I despise such dismissiveness of the people in danger for Elayne: it isn't kind or smart.

It's bugging me and bordering OOC for her: there's a difference between being protected by people willing to die for her and taking fool risks. The BA fiasco happened because there were risks that Elayne dismissed ON ACCOUNT of her invincibility.

Am I supposed to cheer for Elayne as she manipulates the Kin into accruing more power and tries to monetize channeling? Like Faile and feudalism, this is not a political improvement at all. What is going on with her?

"And they liked to pretend the entire world could be polished up and cleaned the same way, people defined and explained in one or two words." - they're white conservative Christians, what do you expect?

Strange purple walls in the wolf dream now?

At least Perrin is taking lessons from Hopper. It's been books since I've cared about him and it's genuinely disheartening. 

I don't care for battles unless they're written in a very specific literary way, but Ituralde being rained on by Draghkars is kind of a horrifically grotesque image that I appreciate.

So the Blight is overflowing with Trollocs and Ituralde is the only thing keeping them out? Tarmon Gai’don needs to come now!

"Berelain pursed perfect lips. Light, but the woman was beautiful!" - just kiss her and be done with it

"Faile could only guess how much juggling, political double-dealing and sheer cleverness that must have required." - make. out. with. her.

About the Faile/Berelain showdown: a) I love that Faile is smart enough to realize she cannot outsmart Berelain and that the solution will come from Berelain, b) I loathe that we are still in this silly sexist love triangle beneath both women, c) why do I feel like getting Faile to pretend to be her friend is exactly what Berelain wanted but she was waiting for any opening to work Faile, d) they should make out and start a ménage à trois with Perrin.

"Well, there’s this rumor that says you stepped into death’s domain to challenge him and demand answers to your questions" - I like the way Sanderson is using stories around Mat, there with the extremely detailed cover stories, here with the extravagant and sometimes horrifically exact rumors.

Awwww, Mat doesn't want to be embarrassed in front of Talmanes! Talmanes and Tuon are his special nobles.

I've missed Birgitte and Mat's friendship. They're genuinely so wholesome together and if the show doesn't give us this relationship, I'll riot.

Elayne could attack the Two Rivers, bargains to keep the dragons for herself, and hires the Band to use against Cairhien?!? Is she a belligerent ruler always looking to expand her land? This feels like A Turn in her character and not an organic one.

Nynaeve Aes Sedai testing! I wasn't expecting it to come this soon but hell yeah!

"'To show that I am worthy,’ Nynaeve said." - you tell them! Of course, she's already AS

The test itself is ridiculous and brutal but we already knew from NS. It's just even worse because no AS respects Nyn.

"But I would never be myself again if I abandoned him. The world changed when I married him." - Feeling ambivalent about this line. On one hand, a lovely line about her devotion to Lan. On the other, the context and phrasing give off an unfortunate "I don't need a career when I have a man" aftertaste to it.

"And yet, so many of us do it without families. Without love, without passion beyond our own particular interests. So even while we try to guide the world, we separate ourselves from it. We risk arrogance, Egwene. We always assume we know best, but risk making ourselves unable to fathom the people we claim to serve.’" - Partly excellent line that feels like the culmination of an arc for Nyn except we didn't really see said arc so it's underwhelming.

And again, the suggestion that Aes Sedai are cold, frigid women because they don't have family: they do?!? But Nyn is obviously thinking of a straight nuclear family here, not found families.

It's bizarre this is the argument used, with so many other things wrong with the AS.

"Do not press me. In the morning, I swear the Three Oaths. I’m free of them for one more night." - that was a rad threat and At Last Nynaeve has Lan's bond! It was a bit sudden and I thought Lan would be more involved in the process given what happened last time. I hope we get at least a conversation about it when they meet again.

Seonid is so cute with her report to Perrin. The AS are efficient civil servants when they have actual good leadership. 

I am both relieved and pained Morgase is learning just now about Rahvin. That's a cold way to realize one has been under compulsion.

Bawler has something up his sleeve, good or bad. I wish Perrin was more cautious around him.

Ituralde's chapters are genuinely demoralizing. He and his armies are merely cannon fodder to slow down the Trollocs. Neat indictment of war still.

Oh Morgase, that poor, poor woman. She never felt truly loved by Thom or Gareth, and Taringail was a manipulative jerk. The way Tallanvor talks to Morgase is a bit too insistent and self-pitying though. Give her a break.

I admit that knowing how much of a jerk Taringail was it's good to know Gawyn has a father figure in Gareth.

I loathe the way Sanderson writes Siuan. She lost all of her sharpness and power. I want to weep. She acts like mid-books Min toward Rand.

Gawyn exasperates me but I have to admit he is an interesting character in the way he knows and understands so little about what is happening around him. He is pursuing a grey man or something incredibly dangerous, not knowing what it is. He disobeys Egwene and destroys her plans. He's an idiot whose actions always amount to anything.

At last some Moiraine rescue planning!

"No trades, Thom, no bargains. We go in fighting and we don’t leave until we have her." - this made me emotional. Truly, why does he care so much and talks about her as a friend now?

Hell no, Birgitte died in the Tower of Ghenjei!?! 

"They can’t all end in victory. Gaidal and I don’t deal well with happy endings anyway. Better for us to burn out in glory" - this is some ominous foreshadowing for certain stories. Also, there is a real risk that Birgitte's cycle of rebirths has been broken by her being pulled into the real world. Loving this thread of memories fading or being injected into different characters' minds with death as a threshold.

Mat and Birgitte's friendship is genuinely the loveliest.

"They feed off what we feel. They like Aes Sedai in particular, for some reason. Perhaps those with the One Power taste like a strong ale." -I am going to be sick. What are they doing to Moiraine?

Meanwhile, Elayne is onto another chaotic plan without backup AND invoked Min's viewing? She's going to be captured again and people will die, am I wrong? 

Like clockwork. 

I don't even know what to say about what happened in the dungeon.

So, Elayne nearly died, lost the black sisters, nearly lost Mat's medallion and Mellar left with a partially working copy. Impulsive is an euphemism at this point.

Elayne deserves all of Birgitte's ire. Pretending to be a Forsaken is a skit, not a plan.

This is the chapter where Gawyn, Elayne, and Lan are competing for the most bullheaded.

Birgitte has a tough job: she's losing her memories of Gaidal (and possibly of childhood) and taking care of Elayne is harder than walking straight into Shayol Ghul.

I've face-palmed so much about Elayne that it circled back to admiration. I get it: she's the clown queen, the M. Hulot of the monarchs, the Jacques Clouseau of the rulers. Her buffoonish recklessness is so daring it has morphed into wisdom.

"Or was it some part of him? Was it possible that that was what caused him to become a wolfbrother in the first place?" - he's doing the math at last.

I mock him but it feels good to have a chapter that's purposeful with Perrin's arc. No tergiversation, minimal poetry. Just a character coming to a conclusion.

"Bandar Eban has suffered enough beneath the hands of outsiders. Today, she will not know the hand of a conqueror." - I am loving Rand coming to terms with the fact he's been acting like Napoleon for the past few books under the guise of stabilization.

I do wish he would realize that the Seanchan's orderly ruling comes from enslavement and slaughter of a minority. That's why fascism is attractive to some, with promises of empowerment and security for a selected few.

Not terribly fan of the overtly messianic slant of Rand using his ta'veren abilities to uncover unspoiled grain and rousing people as if they were unable to organize without him, but it is comforting to know he is inspiring people.

"Who was he to forbid those who wanted to fight?" - at least Perrin stopped patronizing women for learning to fight. 

I spent the entire time of the Galad-Perrin meeting wondering when Morgase would be uncovered: the reveal did not disappoint.

As fun as the reveal was, the Perrin-Galad standoff is nothing but stalling. The trial with Morgase undead as a judge feels like padding so that Perrin has something to do before the LB. And Morgase has no authority. It is silly.

Darlin is a smart, careful ruler, and I appreciate that. I do wish Egwene would not go behind Rand's back like that, but he isn't leaving her much of a choice.

"Aes Sedai would, unfortunately, be Aes Sedai." - this is why seeing Egwene handle them is so satisfying.

"They were busy reacting to things she’d done months ago." - Clever girl. She's Siuan's girl through and through, playing 4D chess when everyone is squabbling. 

Egwene deftly lets the Hall vote her in charge of the DR alone. She's so sharp.

"Traditions that hitherto have been used only for treachery, backbiting and division" - YES honestly between Egwene and Nynaeve, if the Aes Sedai cannot reinvent themselves, they're a lost cause.

Eggy set another trap for Mesaana. I live for that spy stuff.

Seeing Perrin in the wolf dream again reminds me that the fight with Slayer reads like something out of Dragon Ball Z.

Light, the Perrin and Ituralde plots are not doing it for me. So close to the LB, it's plot fluffing.

Berelain is defending Morgase because she's a real one and understands people underplaying the damage done by patriarchy.

The gag of Alliandre being attacked by her three knives, and Berelain by the dagger hidden inside her dress during the bubble of evil is perfect.

The Galad and Morgase conversation is interesting: on one hand, I appreciate Morgase's input about justice; on the other, it is written like Sunday school morality. Perrin did kill those men for killing wolves and for them, wolves are only animals. Good luck trying to explain to them, without sounding like a DF that wolves are sentient creatures. It’s still the law of retaliation.

"How often did Guardsmen get the honor of carrying their queen, anyway?" - oh yeah, Sanderson is fully taking the mickey out of Elayne. I think he's exaggerating her traits to make her seem too ridiculous, but that's just me.

"'The world just changed, Elayne,’ Birgitte said, shaking her head, long braid swinging slightly. ‘It just changed in a very large way. I have a terrible feeling that it’s only the beginning.’" - Birgitte lived through so many wars. Witnessing Elayne enter what's obviously a belligerent path as a ruler must be crushing.

Perrin facing a nightmare in the shape of the Dragon Reborn, telling himself it isn't real: not subtle, but potent.

Rand looking like a statue on top of Dragonmount is a sweet allusion to Rand seeing himself as a story now.

Wth happened with that Rand vision in the Wolf Dream? Was it a flashback to Veins of gold? A flash forward? Why has Tam gone? Can we get a Rand chapter? 

Mat threw away his medallion and ashandarei to save Talmanes?? It's love, I tell you.

The fight against the gholam? The battle cry in the old tongue for the fallen? The Kin's gateway for the gholam to fall through? Epic. 

"The white in her hair did not detract from her prettiness at all." - Mat never disappoints when it comes to appreciating older ladies.

I hope Ituralde still takes on the Seanchan after the LB because he's skilled at guerilla warfare and using him as cannon fodder here is a shame.

So Cads retrieved Alsalam! Love the irony of someone with her reputation saving a ruler for once.

The tragedy of all these battles is that the most important fight will be between the Dark One and Rand. The rest is a distraction. It's a necessary distraction to allow an after, but it's still a consequence of a lack of unity and planning beforehand.

Ahhhhhhh Siuan is back in action, meeting the Sea Folk, teaching tel'aran'rhiod, setting the trap for Mesaana... And she's gone just like that.

Why can't we have longer Egwene scenes and particularly longer scenes with Egwene and Siuan?

"I am a tool that the White Tower must use" - Curious how the EF5 integrated differently Moiraine's words from TEotW: "A tool is not demeaned by being used for its intended purpose" 

And by curious I mean she's profoundly haunting the narrative and still affecting the main characters.

"She’s so concerned with being strong, with being the Amyrlin, that she doesn’t have room for anyone who won’t bow to her every whim." - he is so allergic to having a girlfriend who has more authority than him, please grow up.

Gawyn proved useful by discovering the assassin is a Bloodknife and then immediately after turned incredibly petty toward Egwene. He's nothing if not consistent. 

I hope we see Bloodknives on-screen: they have the potential to look horrifying.

I was hoping Perrin would reveal his nature during the trial. With Mat's legendary reputation growing, it's gratifying to see the three boys being out in the open with their abilities. 

Curious about the trap being set around the camp.

Hearing Perrin talk about what it feels like to be in someone else's shoes: he too fails to step in the Whitecloaks' shoes when it comes to defending his killing. In the eye of the law, it's not an argument either.

Also, the whole TGH road trip with Moiraine where Perrin’s single-mindedness was particularly egregious.

Okay, the trial was fun. I liked the testimonials and they didn't go the easy route with the sentencing. And Morgase got to rule a last time, while Galad got to take on her mantle for a moment, rather than Elayne or Gawyn.

I doubt Galad will sentence Perrin to death though: a lot of characters (his siblings) have been telling us how hard or cruel he is and so far, aside from joining the Whitecloaks, he hasn't done anything as bad as Gawyn, on the contrary.

"'We’re not children, Mother,’ Siuan said dryly.

‘No, you’re Aes Sedai – nearly as bad at following directions.’" - I love them.

"'See to your safety tonight,’ Egwene said. ‘I would not lose you.’" - and Siuan's smile in return. Their relationship is everything.

"Holding Nynaeve back from attacking, that would have been the difficult task." - Nyn's grin at the prospect of blasting some Black Ajah had me hooting. Let Nyn kill people.

Egwene bloody al'Vere, schooling the Wise Ones and the Sea Folk, leading the Aes Sedai, uniting them all and helping the AS forced to teach SF in the same breath. Why in the world would she choose the Green with negotiating skills like hers is beyond me. HER MIND.

"The women you thought you would find are nothing more than a dream, Amys. Real life is often more disappointing than dreams, but at least when you find honor in the real world, you know you know it to be more than a fancy." - I love this so much. The "adults" are as much at risk of glorifying experience as the youths. And the Wise Ones especially who have positioned themselves as grownup AS are not immune to this bias. Accepting change applies to them too.

"I will not tie you in bands of steel. I’ll use lace instead." - her lucidity regarding what she is doing is so enjoyable to read. It echoes the profound sense of justice AS have that got twisted with time into empty reverence toward punishment.

Perrin is bringing the ter’angreal that disrupts Traveling to tel'aran'rhiod Tar Valon of all places while Egwene is fighting Mesaana in there? I am screaming. He's generally quite careful and this is such a risky move.

"I can’t leave her to do it alone, he thought. I have to help her. From within her shadow." -

Gawyn is a fool but he did give the singular best description of why I would want to be a Warder. It's about service and reverence, being a rock.

Perrin being more experienced than Egwene at ter'aran'rhiod, despite having far less training, and stopping balefire is utter bullcrap though. 

"It seemed she’d managed to become an Aes Sedai. That was good; she deserved it." - okay, I forgive Perrin for trapping everyone in tel'aran'rhiod. That was sweet.

As an Egwene fan, I hate she's been collared again, but as a parallel lover, I adore that she is caught by a Forsaken, given she controlled Moghedien for a time.

Egwene bloody al'Vere: unbreakable doesn't begin to cover it.

Egwene neutralized Mesaana, Perrin tricked Slayer and destroyed the dreamspike, Graendal has a Hail Mary. Light, these chapters are so exciting.

My greatest complaint is that we never saw Siuan and Nynaeve fighting. Let them obliterate BA!

Oh, and Gawyn is bonded to Egwene. If his change of heart concerning Egwene's rank keeps, I'm okay with it. He's a misguided and lost youth, which is why he pretty much enrolled in a militia, but he can redeem himself.

Better keep away from those rings though. More Chekhov's guns.

Tom Bombadil, excuse me, Nakomi, raises a good point about Aiel hardness and punishment as a way of life, but the Aiel are not only war and a hard life? It's a culture. People live in hard climates everywhere and their culture is built around. The loss of a culture would rather come from their displacement or an invasion, not from losing the original purpose of their nation? So yes, Aiel in the Wetlands risk losing part of their culture. But not those in the Waste.

Uh, they made a power-wrought weapon. I don't like this. I prefer Le Guin's approach to war.

The Galad-Berelain thing truly comes out of nowhere though. Good for them and I actually like Galad. This still wasn't well prepared.

The Perrin's come-to-Jesus moment regarding leadership took so long to arrive, it doesn't land for me the way it could have two books ago. Although AT LAST he's accepted his role and we can be done with this arc and go back to the Wolf Dream.

Did Berelain and Faile really think Perrin would attack the WC after going to such great lengths to avoid a fight!?? They're both smarter than this.

Hot take: the Trakand siblings are like that because they manage to have both mommy AND daddy issues. Galad is like that because he's just mommy's boy.

Bukama mention! I didn’t write about New Spring but I LOVED that book. I should re-read it.

"He’d been outmaneuvered. Curse Nynaeve. And bless her, too." - The thing is, Lan's commitment to death is so entrenched, has been for so long, that he has to be maneuvered around to be kept alive. If there was more time, he could get help and heal. That's why I am so invested in seeing onscreen Nyn grasping the depth of Lan's trauma and Moiraine's actions a little better after their marriage. Nyn obviously sees Moiraine’s view now, but I want more about the minutiae of their relationship.

To me, Lan's trauma was way over Nyn's head when she married him, although being Nyn she adapted quickly and came up with this alternative to keep him alive. Nyn coming to terms with the reality of her marriage with someone of Lan's baggage would be such a compelling arc for the show.

Hopefully, he'll start therapy after the Last Battle: he's been traumatized when he was a kid, a teenager and a young man, and 20 years of a long war alongside Moiraine, who's equally FINE, didn't leave him time beyond surviving. It's a process.

Lan is making progress: he sees reason and accepts to lead the Malkieri to battle at last. This book should have been called "Men accept their responsibilities."

Perrin got Galad pledging for him? I like that. It's a neat tie to his conflict with the WC. 

Sanderson is not that much better at romance honestly. The marriage between Morgase and Tallanvor felt rather rushed and insincere to me. She also deserves better.

Elayne sees her move for the Sun Throne as uniting nations rather than conquering: sure Jan. Light, I pity the Cairhienin.

Mat and Perrin's reunion is so moving: we got little of the EF5 as friends. They are still kids, no matter how burdened by responsibilities.

Elayne reuniting with Morgase and Galad was so cute and what a reward after everything they all went through. I am so happy. 

Does Morgase feel flatter? Same issue as with Siuan. Less sharp and more cardboard Morgase than actual Morgase.

I snickered at Dyelin's reaction: my gal was ready to strangle Morgase to stop Andor from toppling into another war of succession.

Aviendha remains so pure of heart. It's worrying that so much of Aiel culture is centered on Rand indeed.

Androl seems like a cool dude. If he is the way to flesh out the Asha'man, I am curious, even if I have doubts about introducing characters so late in the game.

Eh. I wanted to see the BT given more substance but this division is just rehashing the WT plot.

About the long-awaited Perrin and Elayne confrontation: at least the Two Rivers will get some autonomy from Andor? It feels like politics distracting from the Last Battle, even if it's well-done politicking. It should have happened sooner.

Each time I am reminded Tuon enjoys breaking damane I want to weep. And now they have Traveling. Fuck Beonin so hard. 

"The White Tower was doomed." - you wish. As long as Egwene is standing, she's gonna eat you.

Now Perrin knows about the Moiraine rescue mission. It's happening lads! SOON.

It’s easy to forget Moiraine was also present for the encounter with Noam, which caused Perrin so much trauma. They all have ties to Moiraine.

Wait, Avi is seeing the fall of the Aiel and the Seanchan victory over the Wetlands, the White Tower fallen, Cairhien burnt (again), the Seanchan using Elayne's weapons, the Aiel cast out and defenseless? WHAT. Avi's descendants broke the Dragon's peace and engaged in an all-out war with the Seanchan, and their endless war eventually broke the Aiel as people? What. Please tell me Avi will change the future. This is too bleak.

Wait, didn't Moiraine also see different futures in Rhuidean? And she said they were not certitudes, only possible paths? 

Also, did Rhuidean just stop working? Or are the columns not responding to Aviendha as a symbol for the decay to come?

Bribing the rich is better than killing the poor in an invasion, but it's still conquest, Elayne.

Glad to see the Cairhienin nobles are still as corrupted as everyone else. Nobles!

"Tell them that I was wrong. Tell them that we’re not weapons. We’re men." - I love Rand and I love that he is realizing this now, but Light, was the way Rand did (not) deal with the BT truly one of his greatest mistakes.

Rand Sedai! I love that!

The implication of the title, rather than Dragon Reborn, is so juicy: he chose the path, he passed the test, he took the vows.

Interesting that of all the people he credits for helping him be who he is Moiraine is here and Egwene is not. They’re going to clash hard.

The Borderlanders slapping Rand because of his imperialist approach to leading is understandable. He is saving the world, but to pretend the way he is doing it is the right one is ridiculous. Although much like wielding saidin, there was no map.

"But … well, she was proud of him. Grudgingly proud. A little." - Oh Cads, we know. You don't have to hide.

Now, it is extremely interesting that Rand sees the Borderlanders' prophecy as risky given all the other prophecies and viewings he HEAVILY relied on.

Elayne: I'm not a conqueror

Also Elayne: talks about Cairhien exactly like a conqueror.

Light, I genuinely dislike everything Elayne stands for politically. Rand at least has moved past the imperialism, Elayne's arc has been about embracing it. Please, tell me she grows out of it soon. Is her belligerence the Damodred "taint" Moiraine was so worried about?

Setalle and Mat are such a good duo. Mat's begrudging affection for AS is quite endearing.

Mat saying he doesn't like Aes Sedai because he doesn't like women telling him what to do is a) very Mat, b) frustrating, and c) very meta.

Pevara is completely trapped because Travelling is impossible and the Asha'man did something to Tarna, everything's fiiiiiiine.

I still really like Pevara too. She's the definition of a brave fool. Can she be played by Alex Kingston?

"Light, but he wished he could let them stay behind, on their farms, to live in peace while the storm raged elsewhere." - And now he's in Moiraine's shoes: there are causes that require EVERYONE to take responsibility in the world.

"’Her’ meant Moiraine. But what had the snakes and foxes done to her?" - DON'T SAY THAT I AM ALREADY DREADING/ANTICIPATING ZOMBIE!MOIRAINE

The Eelfinn world reminds me of the library's description in The Name of the Rose. So twisted and odd.

"The Aelfinn were for questions; the Eelfinn granted requests. But they twisted those requests, and took whatever price they wanted." - So Moiraine had already encountered the Aelfinn in Tear. I am taking notes.

MY GAL IS HERE SHE'S HERE AND ALIVE

And half-naked, of course.

What do you mean the show isn't a faithful adaptation? It already managed to get Moiraine naked twice in one season, which is an improvement on the 0 naked or walked-on while brushing her hair half-naked Moiraine we got in TEotW.

"Unapologetic, unyielding. And selfless." - I am crying. She is such a force of nature. I have missed her so much and she was gone for so long. I don't even care that she is a damsel in distress here. I am such a sucker for katabasis.

"Noal had tossed his torch aside and gotten out a drum to try to soothe the Aelfinn. That had not worked, and so Mat had turned to the exploding cylinders and nightflowers." - The image is frankly hilarious. When music doesn't work, explosives will do.

"‘If you ever meet a Malkieri,’ Noal said, ‘you tell him Jain Farstrider died clean.’" - Ah! I love this. Mat is surrounded by people of legends come back to life or raconteurs. And Moiraine was already a legend among the Aes Sedai.

I love Mat's thoughts on honor. It's a foolish notion but if it allows some people to live, let them have it. 

Also, do those chapters feel different than the rest of the Sanderson books? The writing reminds me of the Ways.

Seeing the way Egwene leads in comparison with Rand... If he just explained his plan about the Seals, the alliances wouldn't need to be this fraught on the eve of the Last Battle. I guess that's something he also picked up from Moiraine.

I was right, Taim is doing something to his detractors. Is it compulsion or something more sinister?

Oh, Mat remembers Moiraine as far more cold: he was a self-centered boy, he's just seeing her as a human being now.

You bet she's a bloody legend like Birgitte and Jaïn. Aes Sedai were convinced she was still alive and disguised as a Green in LoC.

Of course, Moiraine is depowered like Siuan, and Leane, and Morgase... I hate this.

Give it to Moiraine to recall her torture, voice completely even, unflappable mask on. I want to scream. Why is she like this?

"Sometimes I wished that they would drain me quickly and end my life." - I am in pain.

So she asked for the angreal as part of the deal with the Eelfinn. What were her other two requests? Could she ask to get out, to survive, to die? 

Oh, I am already losing it thinking about Rosamund Pike taking hold of this in the show.

"Light! She had known what she would have to go through, and yet she had still pulled Lanfear into that ter’angreal? Maybe Mat was not the hero here, and maybe Noal was not either." - several people can be heroes at once in different ways but yes, yes Moiraine is a bloody hero

"'Moiraine blinked in surprise. ‘You did what?’

‘It was an accident,’ Mat said lamely, hunching down.

‘You accidentally married the Seanchan Empress?’" - I want Moiraine catching up on everything she missed to be a running gag.

"'Ta’veren,’ Moiraine said.

Somehow, he had known she would say that. Light. Well, it was good to have her back. Mat was surprised at how strongly he felt that. Who would have thought it? Affection for an Aes Sedai, from him." - I have missed her so much. Also, Mat and Moiraine are now the unexpected begrudgingly fond relationship I was needing.

Is Moiraine in shock? Throwing away an angreal? Moiraine "not being able to channel is worse than death" Sedai? Asking Thom to marry her? The last time they met they had a rather aggressive battle of Daes Dae'mar? Is she okay?

"You think they can make one of those color-changing cloaks with some patches on it?" - I laughed. I honestly like Thom. The groundwork for a relationship, let alone a marriage, is just not there. Also, don't make decisions like this after months of torture.

Also, the reveal that Thom and Moiraine had feeling all along for each other - with very little build-up but tbh on par with Lanaeve in book 1 - would have MUCH more impact with Siuan in the show since there's a reason their relationship is secret.

"Moiraine would get her tea after all." - That's a cute closing line.

Honestly, Perrin meeting with Noam/Boundless and understanding his becoming a wolf was a choice is far better a resolution than anything on leadership we got for him.

So Verin was warning Mat about the gateway in Caemlyn in her letter. Cool cool cool

And Rand now knows Lanfear lives. I am looking forward to another confrontation with Rand more experienced and mature.

So, the prophecy of the shadow explicitly talks about Mat, Perrin, Rand and Noal but who the hell is "the First Among Vermin"? Padain Fain?

I vastly preferred TGS, but it still was fun. It definitely belongs to the lower half in my ranking, mostly because some plots feel like they’re here to give characters stuff to do before the Last Battle (the stand-off between Perrin and Galad). But it concluded Perrin’s arc and set up some interesting stuff for the Last Battle, mainly between Egwene and Rand.

The gender dynamics in terms of plot were rather disappointingly on the nose: the men fight incredible battles, described at length, the women meet to talk about scheming or have catastrophic fights where the men teach them how to do the stuff. It's not great, especially after the last book.

Rand was also conspicuously absent, and Mat, Nyn and Eggy stand out quite clearly again. The best part was hands down the Moiraine rescue mission: the urgency of the chase, the oddness of the Tower of Ghenjei, the thematic convergence of so many elements for Mat’s arc and finally, the glee at having my gal Moiraine back on the ring. I still can’t get over the fact that Mat, whose arc has been all about luck, tactics, stories, Finn and fleeing AS, ends up rescuing an AS from the Finn using his luck and wits with the help of two legends made flesh and a storyteller.

I do think it’s hilarious that we finally get to infer who killed Asmodean from a throwaway line by Myrdaal HR.

Onto the Last Battle!

[meetthesoldier]

hi sorry this is outta nowhere but i would love to hear ur thoughts on harry (phone

SORRY ANON I LEGIT FORGOT ABT THIS ASK and im too lazy to draw her fr so heres some fanart i drew of her dying in a glue trap

this time i have a bit more thoughts on her as an actual character so ill start w that before the headcanon dump ... also, throughout this post ill be referring to her w she/her pronouns because of a personal headcanon im VERY attached to. all i ask is any rbs or further questions abt my specific vision of her use those same pronouns... in others posts i do not care obviously. also, this post is specifically abt her in the dsaf universe since shes far more substantial there.

firstly, i should say i ADORE harry. she is one of my biggest comfort characters in a series where almost everybody is one for me. so when i give any criticisms, know its out of love and a wish for some more expansive writing rather than any malice. being critical of media you love is important, etc etc.

my biggest issues with her character really boils down to the lack of acknowledgement abt her being physically disabled. she mentions having a "bad leg" during 3, but its ONLY mentioned that one time, during (i believe) missable dialogue. i understand her not using, like, mobility aids for it since it may be difficult to find suitable stock images (+ all the phonies in that game use the same photos for their bodies, and its totally possible its not something she feels she needs), but it probably shouldve been mentioned or expanded upon more.

i dont believe were given any explanation on how her leg ended up the way it is, or in what way it is. we dont know if she was born with her disability or aquired it later. we dont know if its paralyzed, we dont know if its because of a muscular dystrophy, or anything else. i just wish we were given more info, bcus as it is, it is REALLY easy to look over in favor of, say, her ptsd.

speaking of which, i have some mixed feelings on how her ptsd is portrayed. on one hand, the joke in the restaurant reviews abt her having flashbacks and a subsequent panic attack feels very distasteful, though thankfully this is (i believe) the only instance of this kind of joke at her expense. im glad elsewise it isnt some huge , controlling part of her character - however, again, it IS missable. while one can assume she has it when she discusses her past, i dont believe its explicitly stated UNTIL that review.

tldr; her disability feels poorly handled, mostly from lack of expansion and discussion.

thankfully, though, she is elsewise a very enjoyable character; shes got some really good and funny dialogue, the exposition we get from her about the original managers is really fucking good, and i really wish we heard more abt her experience working with rebecca (and presumably roger)... again, her biggest issues are just not having as much of a spotlight on her as she couldve, but considering the employees arent really the main focus of the game that may be fine actually...

(as an aside, i think about this post every day and cry audibly.)

thus ends the longform musings, onto the silly headcanons;

standard fare queer headcanon dump: trans woman + demisexual lesbian. also, polyamorous. fuck yeah baby steak (ref)

was in a queerplatonic relationship with joe while he was alive, and a romantic one with both tango/terrence (who has some gender fuckery going on as well) and rebecca because i am not immune to homemade lesbianism.

has ptsd in canon, but im adding a "c" in front of that cause aint no way she lived through all of her coworkers (and presumably FRIENDS) dying in such horrific ways and was only affected in the short-term.

autistic! specifically also has the thing i do where i need the time to be a multiple of 5 before i can start doing anything. also has generalized anxiety i think, with a tendency to catastrophize and compensates by insisting to herself everything is toootally fine. definitely NOT going to have a breakdown rn because shes not totally sure that that vending machine is 100% not going to fall on her specifically

probably didnt have many friends as a kid (L) so now she overcompensates by trying to be as charming and polite as possible. wether or not this works in her favor or makes her seem pretentious is a coinflip. (its certainly working on me though!)

has a real soft spot for random niche animals. probably a big salamander and gecko girl. her favorite is the marbled salamander because its cute as hell

slightly off topic everyday i think of how fucking horrific it mustve been for joe to come into work one morning and his best friend just has a phone for a head and extreme memory issues now . literally what the fuck. thats so fucked up

to do a tonal 180... if she was a pokemon trainer shed have a herdier or stoutland as a sort of service dog for walking shorter-medium distances when she rlly doesnt feel like whipping out the cane :.-)

shes so pale its actually ridiculous. bro looks like she hasnt seen the sun in 5 years ... jake pokes a bit of fun for it sometimes

thanks for asking, anon! i love getting excuses to talk about dsaf. i have a lot of thoughts, you know... dont ever friend me on discord my ass will randomly drop either the goofiest or angstiest headcanons at random intervals and i have no real control over whichor when it will be

[franki-lew-yo]

Any hopes I had for a Super Mario Movie were dead the moment it was announced Illumination was making it, sorry.

Illumination films (and Bluesky before that) are basic and hollow in a way that's just really insulting to me. Keep in mind I do unironic art of cereal mascots. I'm not immune to corporate marketing!! Even the most obscure indie stuff has to sell.

You know how some people rate modern Disney films by the merit of the original concept art because that always looks cooler even if there's no guarantee that the story would be any good or better than the finished product? I hate that so much. Same face syndrome+boring style+so-so writing+whatever you dislike about them aside; you can't ever say the writers behind those films aren't trying (minus Wreck it Ralph 2: I aint watching That. No not even if Comfortable Doug is in it). Hate it all you want for how oversaturated it is by the higher ups, but Frozen did try.

Illumination's films feel like the entire movie is governed by suits. They feel so calculated. So held back. They never push any boundaries not because the writers don't want to, but because the filmmakers can't allow anything too 'edgy'. You can't say the same for the Sony films or for even Dreamworks' 2000s catalogue. Those movies could be trainwrecks but I kinda prefer the edge of something like Bee Movie to the nothingburger of something like Sing. Why this is so sad to me is, simply put, there are writers behind these movies. There's absolutely art and imagination. It's not like working on Illumination makes you some kind of hack.

Secret Life of Pets and Sing feel like cute, safe ideas when you look at them in concept. They wouldn't blow people away ever but they would have been something...and then they were nothing because Chris Meledandri is a hack who thinks jangling keys is the substance of a good movie because he's only ever good at selling movies, not thinking of them. Despicable Me was actually the creation of Sergio Pablos, the guy who directed Klaus. Sergio had ideas and you can really feel in the script and in the concept for everything Despicable Me 1 is. Even the gags are really inspired, I think. I remember this old video that was just "Minions but without Minions" and it was a billion times more watchable than any of the full movies because you could tell where and what comic timing and detail the writers put into their work...and it all feels so wasted on the Minions. I like Illumination's artstyle. I keep seeing other critics of their films call them the most increative, worst designers in the world and I think that's so unfair. The robber family who picks up the minions in Minions have fine, designs, Ralphthemoviemaker. You're just being a pissy pants because you don't like the style.

I've literally never cared for/about Super Mario in any capacity and never care to. Details of what the characters should be matter not if you can make anything out of it. Just seeing some people push this narrative of "you have to like this movie because it's made to make you feel good and be" (no joke, I saw someone on twitter literally preaching that) makes me actively resent this film by association. I'm sorry but no. Don't you dare. Don't you dare wag your finger at me and tell me I'm not allowed to complain about something being subpar and irritating just because it was made to 'entertain' and clearly did that for you.

Am I making entire hate blogs over this that are just an echo chamber for other butthurt fauxcritic-cry babies? Am I posting cringe compilations and laughing at unironic fans? Am I bullying kids for their hyperfixation the way I still see people do with Frozen and Teen Titans Go? If the answer is "no" - cope. I don't like your feel good movie. Get it away from me.

It feels so hyperbolic --like, MysteriousMrEnter level hyperbolic, I mean-- but Chris Miladandri doesn't care about the films he produces and neither do their directors or overseers of story. Every Illumination film and Bluesky property deserved better than what this man expected of and made out of them.

[rmhashauthor]

Getting to the end of a book is always so tough - I've been with Valen and Fang for two and a half years, and now that it's winding down I feel lots of things. I'm sad because it's almost over, I'm excited to finish because the ending is going to make everything all right (I've done some terrible things recently, narratively speaking), and I'm ready to be dome with this story. I will admit that The Dragon Prince's Consort hasn't exactly been up to what I originally planned, but several people have already said they love it so I think I'll take the W.

I've definitely learned a huge lesson from this one: the quality of my writing suffers when I don't take the time I need to really focus on the story and characters. Maybe my readers are happy, but I certainly think I can do better. I'm not COMPLETELY dissatisfied, I just think I should have waited until I finished the story in its natural time as opposed to trying to stay a couple of weeks ahead of my posting schedule. I'd already finished STARFISH long before I had a Wattpad account, so I was under SIGNIFICANTLY less pressure each week. I can do GREAT work under pressure, but to do so consistently is REALLY BAD for my mental health as well as the quality of said work.

That leads me to the next book. I'm of the camp that if I talk about a project too much, I'll squeeze all the dopamine out of it and be stuck with a project I don't feel excited about anymore. That being said, I wonder if it would help promote my next book better if I did talk about it more. I want to do a LOT of different things with this one, I want it to be grittier and a lot more R-rated but with my usual moments of genuine emotion and character development. I see it as a vehicle to talk about mental health (anxiety and PTSD mostly), class, deep trust and less... mainstream forms of romantic/platonic relationships. I have a nifty new species and a character who I think will appeal to anyone who loves a morally gray MMC, especially a filthy-mouthed one who's seen some shit and doesn't really care much about things like "laws". I'll be playing with ideas like found family, the bitter outcasts rebelling against the systems that abandoned them, the difference between being a law-abiding person and a good one, the blurry lines between love and trust, and the complicated, messy relationship between two VERY angry, traumatized people who just happen to have complimentary issues.

I think it'll be a lot of fun, especially when all that anger, frustration and bottled-up pain bleeds into sexual tension and the need to love and be loved comes up against one's personal fears and feelings 😉 Up til now, my characters have gotten along very well and I'm excited to write something a bit more combative. Not abusive, mind you, just less inclined to immediate trust but not immune to the occasional "Let's just get this out of our systems so we can get back to work" shenanigans 😁 It could be a really dark, twisted romance but I think I'm going to lean more towards "darkly funny/sexy enemies-to-lovers revenge road trip"!

If you made it this far, thanks! Like most writers will tell you, there's your plan - and then there's the book's plan. I have NO IDEA if this one will follow the script or if my lovingly-constructed plot will veer off into complete anarchy. Probably the latter. But, this should be an interesting little experiment, writing about writing and making more of an effort to share my writing. Is it going to be corny? Probably. It's romance, the genre that has more corn than the entire Midwest. Am I going to stick with it? WHO KNOWS! We're going to find out together! YAY!

[mestos]

CA headcanons that im too lazy to draw or have no idea how to write

Putting them together to keep my brainrot ongoing and ONE DAY draw them...

Shinichi/Conan:

- i am a firm believer in glasses shinichi. i know glasses for this character is stupid lore integral but i literally don't care. My basis is that repercussions of being shrunken takes form in the slightest ways, such as weaker immune system plus weaker vision. it was inevitable anyway as well, given his bad screen practices and genes. he wears circular glasses though as shinichi and only wears it at home, and vehemently refuses to be seen outdoors with glasses.

- that post that's like, "i love my men with blood on their hands and traumatized"? i love to hc b.o takedowns where he actually kills gin. shoots him. Fucking murders him and destroys his principles. i need him to actually face a stake in his life and be it this sort of loss??? so much room for growth.

- contrary to how hes portrayed, even if he praises holmes as his god, he genuinely does read other mystery novels. often seen with a pocket mystery novel

- tbh. i think of them as different people but not haibara/shiho as different people Hahahah!! I love the idea of growth in the form edogawa conan. I think in a no antidote route, conan is less serious, still snarky, but more willing to tease. exceptionally casual and confident, but humbled with scars. Understands his limits but also very sweet to his gf

- in a no antidote route, i also hc conan to be more explorative. my conan experiments everything with his two bros mitsuhiko and genta, praises them both, and actually wants to find a seperate hobby that makes him different from the shadow he once was

- in a no antidote route he also dyes his hair a lighter brown to be different

- hes closer to mitsuhiko! in fact he is so proud of mitsuhiko very often, and supports him where he can. they study together. he and genta are both in soccer teams, and they go to practice together and hang out with the team

- also i am in firm belief he can be a romantic if hes not thinking about it. but sometimes he does know what hes doing. and is pretty damn good at it.

- unsurprisingly easily jealous but isn't that petty about it

Shiho/Ai:

I have lesser HCs for haibara bc i actually am fine for the most part with the canon supplement material. i just feel bad for her lol i want to save her from the show's canon...but!

- her self destructive behaviour can sometimes cause a wedge between them. he is very patient with her all things regardless, but they have had a fight about it before—and she knows she needs to do better, in order for their relationship to work. He cant always be the only one apologizing

- despite being the one who seems unfallible she's just very good at hiding when she's embarrassed/affected by shin/con. he gets pretty good at figuring this out a few years into their r.s.

- (SA mention) i definitely think she has some kind of unprocessed SA trauma behind her, but contrary to what people may think, she isnt sex-repulsed or unwilling. they have healthy times for it and both of them explore things at their own pace together. she trusts her partner with herself and has found her own autonomy after everything

- i double as a seraran stan but i think she and ran would actually be good friends too!!!!!! even if she wouldn't be as close to her as shin would ever be, they have lunch together once a month as adults and often talk about their partner's tendency to get sucked into cases and their fangs...

- i strongly hc shiho as demisexual/demiromantic. even supposedly if in any canon of mine she doesn't get w shin (unlikely) she takes time to herself and live freely independently until she finds her own partner. i dont think its some cut off goal of hers to get one anyway, she feels loved as she is and is fine with that

- she has trouble voicing when she's touchstarved. he tends to notice, though, and acts quickly. she avoids the feeling vs him being needy about it

- in a no antidote route she experiments growing her hair out once. it felt foreign, and difficult to maintain her curls, so she cut it the next summer. shin liked it either way though

CoAi/ShinShi :

- ShinShi move in together at age 20-21. he proposes relatively early—only after 3 years of dating—but they dont get married until they are like 26. they just kept putting it off lmao

- penthouse apartment in the city. Its luxurious but shiho constantly jokes about the idea they get bombed. shinichi doesnt like it.

- Shin gets his license immediately after turning 20. Shiho tends to do most of the driving still, but they take turns during road trips with the kids

- If ShinShi revealed their identities to the kids (whether the kids figured them out on their own or not), shinichi puts on his conan glasses for them and shiho puts on a similar, adult sized sleeveless turtleneck whenever they're together. they assume the roles of Conan and Ai with them (even going as far as introducing themselves as such to other people with the kids). It gives them a state of normalcy even if they have a larger age gap, intergenerational friendship alongside some parenting.

- they do get two dogs. shiho allows him to name only one of the dogs and of all names he chooses its freaking watson. the other dog is named vivi. short for vivianite, a mineral that can form on decaying corpses. Watson is a german shepherd while vivi is a pomeranian husky mix

Will update if i ever think of more

[pinksilvace]

F G H and I

F: Share a snippet from one of your favourite dialogue scenes you've written and explain why you're proud of it.

Right away, Amy reached through the bars and shoved at his chest—not hard enough to do any damage or cause any real pain, but enough to make him take a step back. “What am I doing here?” She narrowed her eyes. “What am I doing here? Can’t I care about my brother? Can’t I worry about him when I hear he’s been kidnapped and locked back up? What am I doing here? How about, what are you doing here? You never had to agree to any of this!” Ah. Right. After what Sonic had said, Silver should have been able to guess this outcome. “Sorry,” he stammered. “Sorry. You’re right. I, uh, haven’t been using my best brain cells.” Amy dropped the basket, reached back through the bars with both hands, and tugged Silver forward into one of the most awkward hugs he’d ever been a part of. After a second, he heard her hiccup. Shit. Fuck. Shit fuck. Amy was crying, and this time, it was actually Silver’s fault. He pretended that his rib cage didn’t feel like it was being split in two. “Hey, Amy, it’s okay,” Silver hastily assured her. Over the top of her head, he made frantic eye contact with the G.U.N. employee, who looked almost hilariously out of their depth. “I’m okay! You can stop worrying because I’m okay, and I’m safe, and I should be going home soon, I think, so everything will be alright and normal and good! Just—gosh, this is all my fault. I was a little silly, I admit it, but we’ll be okay, but if you keep crying, it’s going to make me cry.” Amy looked up. To her credit, she had the decency not to blow her nose in his fur, though goodness only knew how much he needed a bath already. “No more adventuring for you,” she blubbered. “You’re really bad at it. Don’t you ever do this again. You… you…” Silver sighed. “I know,” he agreed. “I was a jerk to leave you alone. Things just got a little messier than anybody thought they would. I really want you to try not to worry, okay? I know it’s hard, but I can protect myself when I have to.” “I don’t want you to!” Amy rebuked, almost yelling. The G.U.N. employee inched back toward the door. “Silver, that’s the whole point! You shouldn’t have to defend yourself!” There wasn’t a good response that he could give her. She was echoing every sentiment that he had ever felt when he found her gone. “Now you know how it feels,” he murmured. “You get why I worry about you, right? You’re my baby sister. I don’t want to cause trouble for you, either, so please stop crying, okay? We’ll make this better.” “Crying is healthy,” Amy argued. “I’m going to cry whether you want me to or not, after all you’ve put me through. You should try it sometime.” Silver had cried out of fear more than enough times, but she didn’t need to know that. “Okay,” he said. “You’re right. I’m sorry. You’ve earned the right to cry.” “Silver?” “Yeah?” “Stop talking.”

There are a lot of dialogue bits I like from NNNFNS, but especially the ones with Amy and with Mephiles. This particular scene comes to mind since it's such a turning point for Silver and Amy's relationship, secondary to the plot as it was.

G: Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order?

I always write my stories in order. I think I'd be too lazy to add as many scenes as a story deserves during revision, so I try to just get everything out as I think of it.

H: How would you describe your style?

I have absolutely no idea. It just sounds like the thoughts in my head.

I: Do you have a guilty pleasure in fic (reading or writing)?

I'll admit that I go back to reading BN//HA fic every few months. I'm not a fan of the source material, but that fandom can write some damn good crossovers. I'm also not immune to Shinsou Hitoshi as a character, and fic authors LOVE putting him in situations of angst and whump, which tend to be my favorite to read. I'm also a big fan of mermaid aus, so I'm always down to read a Shinsou siren au fic. They're some of my favorites of all time.

[heyyyharry]

Happier

(inspired by happier by Olivia Rodrigo)

Word count: 2.4k

I'm selfish, I know, I can't let you go So find someone great, but don't find no one better I hope you're happy, but don't be happier

Part 1: Drivers License

Part 2: Deja Vu

A/N: I edited the original lyrics to match the POV :)

.

.

.

Harry had come up with a thousand scenarios of how this day would play out. Actually, he’d been thinking of this day since the moment he’d received the news. He didn’t dare to hope that she’d say yes to coming back for a sequel. He’d been sure that they would write her character off, give a lame excuse for how his love interest could not make a return and make his character forget about her completely to move on with a new girl in town. It would have been great if it was that easy in real life. Once someone was written off the script, they were gone for good. Real-life relationships were not that simple. Goodbye didn’t mean ‘never see you again’. You would still share the same friend circle and social bubbles, and it was worse when you two worked in the same industry. Harry didn’t know how he’d lasted a year without running into her, not since the Grammys.

“Didn’t you two date?”

“No.” Harry shook his head, but his eyes stayed glued on Y/N from across the room. She wasn’t looking his way, too busy saying hello to everyone else. “No,” he repeated, more to himself than to his co-star. “We didn’t.”

“But she wrote an entire album about you,” said the other twin. What was her name again? Lulu?

“Luna!” cried her sister, Lex. “You can’t ask him that!”

“No, it’s okay,” Harry said with a tight smile, slightly annoyed by the blonde twins, but he didn’t want to seem like an ass on the first day of filming. “And I don’t know if it was for me. You should ask Y/N.”

“Ask me what?”

Harry flinched when he looked up and saw Y/N padding towards them. She hugged the twins, who seemed way too excited. Harry guessed they were Y/N’s fans. They gave off crazy fangirl vibes, probably just pretending not to know the drama to interrogate him. He couldn’t blame them for assuming he was the villain and definitely could not blame Y/N for portraying him as one. It was more important that he knew who he was and how much he had changed since his last relationship. Maybe they could finally be friends.

“Were they bothering you?” Y/N asked him once the twins had left.

Harry nodded. “They’re your friends?”

“Oh, I met them last year on tour. I’m surprised you don’t know them. They were on Disney.”

“I don’t watch Disney,” Harry admitted with a smile. “Well, not today’s Disney.”

“Understandable.” Y/N nodded and bit her lip. She seemed guarded with her straight back and hands hidden behind her. She eyed him up and down, quite subtle yet noticeable. “How have you been?”

“Pretty good,” he said, nodding slowly. “You?”

“Yeah, but mostly tired because of tour.”

“You’re done?”

“Yup, last night was the last show.”

“Nice.”

Y/N raised an eyebrow. “Nice?”

Harry blinked. “Did I say something wrong?”

“No.” Y/N giggled. “You still sound very...you.”

“Well, shouldn’t I?”

“Yeah, you should. But it’s been a year so…I mean, you haven’t changed much.”

“Right,” he said lowly, his eyes falling to his feet. Harry supposed he should say something else, perhaps bringing up another random topic to discuss, but all he could think about was what had happened between them. Things had been messy, hadn’t they? How could they go back to before that? Before her first song about him. Before he’d chosen someone else over her.

Or he could talk about her new relationship. She’d been in a happy relationship for almost six months, right? No wait, hadn’t they broke up two weeks ago? He wasn’t sure because he hadn’t been catching up. If they’d broken up, he’d sound like an ass to even mention her ex’s name. He should just stay quiet.

“I’ll see you later?” she said, gesturing at her stylist who was waiting by the door.

Harry could ask her right now -- the reason she’d agreed to film the sequel to their first movie together. He’d heard from a very reliable source that she’d specifically asked her agent to decline any project that he was in. So did this mean they were good? That she didn’t hate him anymore? He could have gathered his courage and got the answer right then…

“Yeah, see you.”

...but he didn’t.

And so she gave him a smile and a little wave, then happily returned to her stylist.

.

.

.

“See you tomorrow, Y/N!”

“See you, Annie!” Y/N said as she put the rest of her things into her tote bag. Her new driver had got her schedule mixed up, and so she had to wait here for another half an hour. She was in no rush. It had been a light first day, and she’d had a fun time getting to know the new cast members and catching up with old friends.

She sat on the sofa in the lobby, legs crossed, texting her best friend about her day. She’d purposely left out the short off-screen conversation with Harry, and her best friend didn’t even bother to ask. In their world, he didn’t exist, and his name was censored in every conversation like a curse word that was even worse than ‘cunt’. Nevertheless, she didn’t hate him anymore. She was doing just fine on her own, being busy with her career, and she’d been in a happy relationship after her fall out with him.

She and the guy, a model, had broken up two weeks ago due to long distance and some differences that they could not change. They had ended on good terms and decided to stay friends. They said you could only stay friends with your ex when you still had feelings for each other, or you had never loved each other that much in the first place. For her, it was probably the latter. Her previous relationship had been more platonic than romantic, apparently. So she had nothing but the best to say about him.

As she was going through her camera roll, just reminiscing about the past, she heard footsteps approaching and looked up to find Harry. He offered a smile and gestured to the spot beside her on the sofa. “May I sit here? My ride is late.”

“Yeah, sure.” She hurriedly scooted over.

“Good job today,” he said. “You were great.”

“Thanks, so were you.” She smiled, and they both looked away at the same time. This was so awkward. She hated small talk. She’d never had to have small talk with Harry. Conversations with him used to be so easy and natural and silly. Whatever this was, it wasn’t them.

“Can we just be normal?”

At first, Y/N thought she’d been the one who’d said it, so when she realised it’d been Harry, she was speechless.

He swallowed and sat a bit straighter, still not looking at her. “I don’t want us to be weird and awkward.”

“Okay,” she said.

He cleared his throat. “Wanna try again?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Okay, not to sound like an ass but when Joey kept forgetting his lines, I was so pissed off, I could throw a chair at the wall.”

“Right?!” exclaimed Y/N, feeling free to have finally broken out of her shell. “Like, he doesn’t even have many lines. I know he’s new but damn...you can’t get far if you don’t learn your goddamn lines.”

Harry shook with laughter. “Oh God, we sound like dicks, don’t we?”

“Maybe.” Y/N laughed, covering her mouth. “But you know what? We can’t be nice in this industry. It’s impossible.”

“Shhh, if someone heard this, we would be into big trouble.”

“Oh please, I’ve had worse articles written about me than ‘Y/N speaks facts about her lazy co-star’.”

Harry tossed his head back and cackled. “The worst one I’ve got this week was ‘Harry Styles hates therapists.’”

“What?!” Y/N gasped. “No way! That’s so stupid!”

“Right?” Harry rolled his eyes. “I could get all my therapists to speak up for me but I’m kinda immune to bullshit now.”

“Therapists? Like plural?”

“Yeah, one in every city.”

“Damn.”

“Yeah.”

Y/N rubbed her hands onto her legs. “Rough year?”

Harry’s eyes rolled to the back of his head as he leaned back. “You have no idea.” Then he swept his hair out of his eyes, sucked in a breath, and finally looked at her. “I wish I could have talked to you, though.”

She bit her tongue, knowing what she was about to say next would disappoint her best friend so much, but she had to. “So do I.”

Harry looked taken aback before his lips curled into a smile. “It’s silly, isn’t it? I haven’t talked to you in a year, and I feel like I know everything that’s happened to you except that I don’t.”

What he’d just said might make no sense for most people, but Y/N knew exactly what he meant. She nodded and wetted her lip. “You only know as much as everyone else does.”

“Yeah, I got updates on you from the news and our friends.”

“Same.” Y/N smiled back. “I hate how they write articles about your new haircut but not mine.”

“I like your new hair colour.”

“Thanks. I like your new car.”

Then they both burst out laughing. It was fun and also a little bit strange that Y/N didn’t feel the same anxiety talking to him as she used to. It must be because they had grown and were now meeting again as better people.

“Damn, my ride's here,” Y/N said as she read the text from her driver. “I gotta go now.”

“Oh, okay.” Harry stood up and followed Y/N to the entrance. “Hey, just wondering--”

“Yeah?”

“Am I...am I still blocked?” He looked a bit flustered as she tilted her head and squinted her eyes. “On your phone. Because I remember you having my number blocked--”

“I unblocked you on your birthday.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah.” Y/N shrugged. “I should’ve sent you a happy birthday text but...I didn’t want your girlfriend to get the wrong ideas.”

“My ex.”

“Yeah, I know.”

They smiled at each other one last time before saying goodbye. Y/N knew it was silly, but she was hoping he would go after her.

Ding.

A notification popped up when she was in the car. She was almost home, and it was from Harry’s number. He’d sent her a link with a message that said, “Hope you like it :)”.

Curious, she tapped on it and was directed to an audio file titled ‘Track 5’. The upload date was last year. About two weeks after their short conversation at the Grammys.

Hurriedly, she fumbled inside her bag for her iPods and put it on before she pressed play.

“Hey, Jeff, I couldn’t sleep so I wrote this song. Listen and let me know if it should go on the album.”

Then came the piano intro. It sounded good, so Y/N wondered how it hadn’t ended up on his last album.

But when he started to sing...

We ended a while ago Your friends are mine, you know, I know You've moved on, found someone new One more guy who brings out the better in you

And I thought my heart was detached From all the sunlight of our past But he’s so nice, he’s so funny Does he mean you forgot about me?

Oh, I hope you're happy But not like how you were with me I'm selfish, I know, I can't let you go So find someone great, but don't find no one better I hope you're happy, but don't be happier

And does he tell you you’re the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen? An eternal love bullshit he might not even mean Remember when you were with me I meant it when you heard it first from me

And now I'm pickin' him apart Like cuttin' him down will make you miss my wretched heart But he’s charming, he looks kind He probably gives you butterflies

I hope you're happy But not like how you were with me I'm selfish, I know, I can't let you go So find someone great, but don't find no one better

I hope you're happy I wish you all the best, really Say you love him, baby Just not like you loved me And think of me fondly when your hands are on him I hope you're happy, but don't be happier

The song was for her. He’d written it when her new relationship had gone public. Y/N sat there, staring blankly ahead until the honking of a car tore open her inner peace, and reality came crashing back in. The driver dropped her off at her house. Instead of going inside, she stood on her front steps and replayed the song one more time. When it ended, she decided to text him: Why didn’t this make it to the album?

She didn’t know where he was now, but it showed ‘typing’ in less than a second, as if he’d been waiting in their chat since he’d sent that link.

You would’ve hated me, Y/N.

True, she replied. Still, I would’ve loved the song lowkey. And added, I love it btw.

He took so long to type that it was driving her crazy. She flopped down on the concrete stair with her phone clutched in her hands, her heart thundering against her ribcage. Anxiety popped like a balloon when his message appeared: Were you happier?

She reread it again and again.

No.

I wasn’t either, he responded. I kept getting deja vu.

Ha, nice reference.

That song is my guilty pleasure. Love listening to you roasting me on loop.

That last message made Y/N bury her face into her palm and giggle like a fool. She thought for a second and wrote: I could come roast you in person now if that’s what you prefer. I think we’ve never had a proper roasting.

Can we meet, Y/N? Or are you busy now?

No, not busy.

Great, I’ll pick you up.

Just tell me where, she responded with a smile on her face. I got my drivers license now :)

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

honestly that’s why i’m not super in the fandom. i’m just in the background writing my dysfunctional izzy/ed fic and trying not to be weird abt izzy but tbh idek what ppl discourse abt. the only think that appeals to me abt him is the ed stuff. like why does ed want him to stay. why does he want ed to be blackbeard. it compels me. but some fanon interpretations of izzy i’ve run into have been. odd

I went off here but drop the fic if you want I'll probably read it.

Oh baby I wish I was you. I jumped on the fandom really early on because I needed something to do to take my mind off of a recent breakup and other things that were also happening which I'm less inclined to talk about and now I'm in the fucking trenches. I'm pretty immune to a character like Izzy Hands because I personally have never been able to hide who I am and I've always been violently myself. Mad respect to the autistics who have mastered the art of masking but I could personally never figure it out. I never really spent time in the closet I just realized what I was and announced it to the world. So a character who the vibe on him is "repressed gay man who hates himself" is a character I'm sympathetic too but is not relatable to me, and a character who is constantly obsessed with projecting his idealized version of other people onto them and getting violent when they don't fit into the box he's made for them is a character I loose patience for immediately. I'm navigating a minefield of guys who want me to fit into their neat little box and get mad when I don't in my real life. It's very easy for me to be normal about him for this reason.

If I can get a little off of your og question and into the weeds for a minute (I can you are in my inbox now <3) One of the best things about this show for me personally is the morality of it. Like this show sets up a world where we're supposed to forget everything we think about right and wrong and accept a new metric for us, growth and authenticity vs stagnation and repression. It's a moral framework that really appeals to me as a trans person a gay man and a neurodivergant person who has been beaten down for who I am my entire life, and also as someone who has never really figured out hiding for my own safety no matter how much I probably need to. I really like stories that tell me "I know it's hard for you to go against the grain but actually you're doing amazing sweetheart. being yourself is based as fuck" and there are a lot of stories that pretend to have that message but none of them really feel inclusive to me except for this one. And Izzy is terrific as a main villain because he basically embodies the wrong side of OFMD's moral dynamic. He mirrors Stede in a lot of ways, but Stede is constantly learning and growing and encouraging others around him to grow and be themselves, where as Izzy stagnates and tries to drag Ed down with him. And he's got more layers than a Calico Jack or a Badminton so, as much as I, a known Calico Jack enjoyer, hate to admit it, he is the best villain in the series.

So when people look at him and say "Actually that guy is right" it just sort of takes the wind out of me almost. Because while Our Flag says "the greatest good their is is being authentic to yourself" Izzy says "Oh, you think your cute" and "Pirates my ass" and "I should have let the English kill you. This, whatever it is that you've become, is a fate worse than death." Like you're not supposed to sympathize with that mindset, even if its coming out of the mouth of a character in the fundamentally relatable position of being gay and having a big fat crush on Ed.

So yeah the fanon interpretations have been really fucking odd. (there are also the other, bigotry related aspects, which have been talked to death by me and others.) I do think a lot of it is a failure of media analysis. And because I have to explain this character so thoroughly he has become less fun to play with as a toy. I'd much rather play with Calico Jack, a character who all of my disagreements with the majority of the fandom on are pedantic or conjecture, and none are related to racism or sexism or homophobia or anything like that. Which is tragic because Ed and Izzy's weird co worker codependancy is fucking juicy, dude. Why are they like that? I hope we get some of it in season 2.

I also kind of hope that Izzy is newer. Like Taika offhandedly threw out the idea that Ed has been a pirate for 20 years in an interview and I've seen people be like "Izzy has been pining for Ed for 20 years of working under him" as if it's a fact and I think it would be very funny if it was like "Nah actually they lesbian u haul moved in together 2 years ago and they've been like this ever since. " I don't know tho there's so many possibilities.

[fantastic-nonsense]

thoughts on Tom Taylor’s Nightwing? I know reviews here in tumblr.com have been mixed, but I am personally enjoying it.

My tl;dr opinion is that it's a fun but ultimately rather thematically light "breath of fresh air" run to clear out the nonsense we've had to deal with over the past 5-8 years. Taylor is clearly pulling hard from the original 90s Dixon Nightwing run and early 2000s Batfamily books but also leaving behind a lot of the Dixon and Grayson-era political baggage that comes with it (which...good). I'm not particularly fond of his depiction of Babs, but his 'Dick and Tim' interactions are quite nice. It's also got absolutely gorgeous art, which is definitely helping as well.

Is it my favorite run ever? No. But I'm generally enjoying it and think it's been a fun first arc for what essentially amounts to a soft Nightwing reboot (which Dick desperately needed). However, I absolutely see a lot of room to improve, and I think I've commented before on how my largest problems with his writing on Nightwing basically boil down to three things:

His treatment of Babs, which seems largely out of well-meaning ignorance as to how his writing of her can and has been perceived.

Taylor has a problem letting his characters grow their interpersonal relationships organically over a larger set of issues; you see it with his other books too (like how Jon and Jay are Together™ now but Jay was only introduced 6 issues ago). While I don't necessarily have a problem with the relationships themselves, I do have a fairly consistent problem with how abrupt they seem to grow; it's frustrating because if he just let the relationships breathe they'd feel so much more organic and realistic (however, this is a criticism I have of quite a few comic writers right now, so it's an industry issue more than it is a Taylor-specific issue)

Taylor's personal political naivety and how he projects that onto characters that by all rights should know better. I find it hard to believe that the Dick Grayson who's gone through all the shit he's gone through in his life doesn't understand the ins-and-outs of how a) local politics and b) systemic poverty function in Bludhaven, for example, especially considering everything that happened during the Ric arc. I totally understand that Taylor's run is basically a soft reboot, but it begs quite a bit of credulity all the same.

I'd have less of a problem with #1 (and to a lesser extent #3) if he seemed more open to constructive criticism, because I do actually like him on the book. However, he's rebuffed most conversations well-meaning fans have tried to have with him about their desire to see him write disabled characters better and be more thoughtful about how his scripts have the potential to sound to his readers.

So...yeah, that's my review. Generally enjoying it, but seeing plenty of opportunties to improve. However, while I like Taylor's writing in general I will say that I frankly do not trust him to do anything with under-represented groups (racial, disability, or otherwise). Man's a good writer who is genuinely trying, but is functionally immune to well-intentioned and polite critique about his handling of such things, and that's Not Great.

[trueishcolours]

No no no I really want to hear your full thoughts on consent! But I'll wait for the post :D As for all the rest. Yeah. Exactly. All of it. The episode 6 apologies make me want to trust the show to handle this new mess well too, but at the same time my trust issues are also immune to waterfall kisses, so. I'll wait and see. And like, not to be extremely shallow, but even if they mess everything up after this point, at least we got to see some really attractive dudes :|

Yay! Now thanks to you I get to post this in response to an ask as though I were a popular blog whose opinion people were clamouring to read, instead of just yelling into the void like I normally do!

Before I launch into why the Bathroom Handjob Scene was super-duper not consensual, I want to be clear that I am not criticising anybody who enjoyed the scene, or criticising the showrunners for writing the scene the way they did. I did not start watching the Mafia Show about Mafia Men doing Mafia Things because I wanted to see characters who were models of good behaviour. In fact I thought the scene was excellently done and part of the point of this post is to praise that! But I do think we all ought to be clear about what we are watching, and what we are not watching is ethical sex.

So, in the discussion around sexual ethics, people have come up with a lot of features of what true consent should look like. Off the top of my head, consent should be enthusiastic, specific, ongoing, fully informed and freely given. I think some fans of the show have noticed the enthusiasm of Porsche’s consent – he clearly likes having sex with Kinn, a lot! – and are skipping over the ‘freely given’ bit.

What does ‘freely given’ mean? Put simply, if you are under any pressure or coercion to consent – if something bad might happen to you if you don’t give your consent – then your consent is not valid. And Kinn and Porsche’s relationship has been coercive from the get-go when Kinn kidnapped Porsche, and has not got less coercive since. Again, this is a feature of the show, not a bug! The imbalanced power dynamic of the mafia-boss-and-bodyguard relationship is what makes it tasty, and the question of whether Kinn and Porsche will eventually be able to overcome this power imbalance is the driving force of the show! But for now, the relationship is coercive, and consent can’t exist in a coercive space.

I am going to belabour this point just a little more, because the claim that somebody can say they want sex, and enjoy the sex, and yet not have given valid consent, sounds counterintuitive and honestly a little patronising. ‘They said yes but they didn’t really mean it and we can’t believe them?’ Sounds like some anti-kink nonsense! But the thing is, if you’ve created a situation where a person might reasonably be afraid to say no to you, and then they say yes to you, you can’t actually know whether they really mean it, or whether they’re lying to protect themselves. If you proceed in the face of this uncertainty, you are behaving unethically. And if you’re the person being coerced, you may not actually be aware of how much pressure you were under until much later, because your brain will do what it thinks it needs to do to help you survive the situation, including suppressing feelings of fear and going along with whatever it thinks is the safest course of action. I think we can see Porsche doing this in ep. 7 with regard to all the torture and killing. In ep. 3 he was very upset at being present during torture and eventually being the one to shoot the victim; in ep. 7 he didn’t turn a hair. But I don’t think this means he has become truly okay with it. I think his brain has realised that there’s no getting out of participating in torture and killing if he wants to stay safe, and so is supressing all his qualms about it. For now.

Jesus Christ, that was a long preamble about the nature of consent. On to the Bathroom Handjob Scene!

So, Vegas is just getting his own sexual assault plan started when Kinn bursts in and kicks him out. Rather than assuming, ‘my evil cousin was harming my crush,’ Kinn jumps straight to ‘my crush was cheating on me with my evil cousin.

Kinn is holding a gun. Even if Porsche did not have Vegas’ story about Kinn shooting his ex fresh in his head, even if Kinn wasn’t a proven killer who once shot an apple off Porsche’s head just to make a point, the presence of the gun alone would be enough to make me question whether Porsche’s consent could really be ‘freely given.’

Kinn then uses aggressive body language, hemming Porsche in against the sink and introducing some actual violence into the situation by slapping Porsche in the face. But Porsche is much, much braver than I am, so instead of giving in to the man with the gun, he pushes him away, slaps him back, and then attempts to storm out of the bathroom.

Kinn grabs him and drags him back.

For me, this is where he crosses the line from ‘creating a coercive atmosphere where consent cannot be freely given’ to ‘actively violating Porsche’s consent.’ Okay, he had a gun, but maybe he didn’t intend to use it. He backed Porsche against the sink, but maybe he didn’t realise how aggressive that seemed. But now there’s no doubt: Porsche tries to leave and Kinn won’t let him.

Porsche doesn’t give up, though! He turns his back to Kinn, wrapping his arms protectively around himself. I honestly wanted to cheer for him at this point, because this posture is both physically defensive – it’s how you’d protect your neck and vital organs from an attacker who you couldn’t escape – and emotionally defiant. Fine, he’s saying, you can force me to stay, but I’m not going to look at you. I’m not going to give you access to the parts of my body that you clearly so desperately want to touch. I’m going to give you the cold wall of my back and nothing else. This has honestly been Porsche’s attitude all along – you can make me stay, but you can’t make me cooperate. You don’t own me.

So then Kinn whispers ‘sorry’ in his ear and Porsche turns around and they open each other’s pants and jerk each other off.

Listen. When you’re with a person you like and find attractive, and that person starts violating your boundaries, there comes a point when you ask yourself,

Am I really going to stick to my guns and continue denying this person and making us both miserable, when I could just give in and give us what we both want?

Is it really that important to me that they ‘ask nicely?’ Does my boundary matter that much actually?

If I keep refusing, maybe they’ll finally respect my no, or maybe they’ll hurt or assault me. Whereas if I give in, I can tell myself that surely they would have stopped if I’d kept refusing. Do I really want to find out the truth?

God, this situation where the person I like is violating my boundaries is making me miserable. I could really do with some comfort, reassurance and positive touch from a person I like. Oh look, there’s a person I like right here, and they will stop making me miserable and give me positive touch instead if I just consent!

It can feel awful, deciding to give in to an abuser’s coercion before they go on to outright harm you. You can feel as though a ‘real victim’ would have said no no matter what, and because you said yes in order to avoid harm, you kind of sort of more or less consented. You can feel like you’ve let down rape and abuse survivors everywhere by not holding your attacker to a higher standard of behaviour. You can feel like you’ve let yourself down. And I think that’s why the timing of Porsche’s softening and giving in is so telling and well-written. He resists until Kinn says ‘sorry,’ and then he unbends. What, exactly, is Kinn sorry for, and how does he plan to amend his behaviour going forward? As an apology, his sorry is pretty much meaningless, but what it does is give Porsche an out. He can now tell himself, ‘well, I didn’t let Kinn scare or force me into having sex. I haven’t been raped. I resisted until he apologised, and then I changed my mind.’ But in fact there hasn’t been nearly enough work done to remove the atmosphere of coercion, in the scene and in their relationship as a whole.

I’ve tried to describe some reasons why a person in Porsche’s situation might want to have sex. It’s also worth mentioning that sex in this situation could be a fawn response. People often talk about the ‘fight or flight response,’ but I’ve also seen it elaborated to four options – fight, flight, fawn, freeze. Freezing is literally going still, in the hope of going unnoticed, not provoking an attack, or simply because you’re at a loss for what to do. Fawning is an attempt to appease an attacker so that they’ll decide not to hurt you. By the time they get to the handjobs, Porsche has already attempted fight (pushing and slapping Kinn), flight (trying to leave the bathroom) and freeze (turning his back and hunching in). What other option has he got left but fawn? Moreover, as a fawn response, the handjob is incredibly effective. Kinn goes from angry and violent to distracted and adoring in record time, causing some fans to comment on how much power and control Porsche has in the scene. Which, yes, he does, but using survival sex to gain power in a relationship where you might otherwise be powerless is, how you say, not good.

I’m definitely not saying that Porsche was standing there all calculating like, ‘quick, jerk him off before he shoots me!’ I think Porsche’s conscious thought process was ‘yeah, sure, he’s hot, let’s have sex.’ I think Porsche wanted the sex, and I don’t think he’s going to experience it as a violation in hindsight. But I do very much think that all the factors I’ve outlined were there affecting his decision-making process. As long as the person is thinking, ‘sure, I’ll have sex, it’s better than the alternative,’ the atmosphere is coercive and the consent is dubious at best.

And let’s not forget that during this entire scene Porsche is staggering-drunk.

As a bit of a side note, I’ve come across as pretty harsh on Kinn in this whole post, so I want to add here that I think a lot of his behaviour is completely understandable. He starts by blaming Porsche because he suffers from paranoia and is terrified of the people he loves betraying him to his enemies – something that has happened to him before! He prevents Porsche from leaving the bathroom because he realises the interaction has gone pear-shaped and wants the chance to fix it. But a difficult truth, a truth this show tackles well, is that most people who will violate your consent are not doing it for ‘evil reasons.’ They’re doing it because they’re worried, because they just want to talk, because they’re sure you’d like it if you gave it a chance. But it’s still not acceptable to violate someone’s consent, no matter the justification. I think Kinn knows that its next to impossible for him to treat Porsche well for as long as they’re both in the Mafia – as is so often the case, the problem is not individual but systemic. That’s why in ep. 6 he tried to do the right thing and remove Porsche from the system altogether. Now they’re both back in the system, and Kinn is mistreating Porsche again. When he scolds and slaps him, he actually does pretty much exactly what Korn had him did in ep. 5 – punish Porsche for ‘allowing’ himself to fall prey to Vegas and thereby making Kinn look weak. What else can he do, as long as he’s living in this cut-throat world where the only way to stay safe is to ruthlessly project power? He and Porche are going to have to break out of the system, and right the power imbalance in their relationship, if they’re going to get their happy ending, and they’re not there yet.

So, why this long post about coercion and consent? I’ve said that I think it’s totally fine to create and enjoy this kind of scene, and I stand by that, but what does make me uncomfortable is when creators or fans think they’re portraying something that would be ethical in real life, when in fact they’re not. I’m fairly sure that the creators of KinnPorsche know what they’re about, but there’s still that little dash of unease. I think this is why I’ve actually been shipping VegasPorsche much more than KinnPorsche. Partly because I’m a contrary bitch who never ships the canon pairing, but also because Vegas is the villain and is framed as the villain, and therefore I can be positive that I, the creators and my fellow fans are all on the same page about his actions being bad. Whereas when the romantic lead does something bad, there’s always that little moment of, ‘wait, was I meant to read that as good because he’s the romantic lead? I wasn’t, right?’

This is also why I liked it better in ep.5 when Porsche was totally taken in by Vegas, than in ep. 7 where he seemed mistrustful of him throughout. I mean, partly because I wanted to watch him feel BETRAYED when the man who seems friendly turns on him, and it’s less fun if he’s suspicious of Vegas from the get-go. But also because it really drove home the message that Kinn needs to do better. So far, he and Vegas are very similar. They’re both members of the mafia, they’ve both killed people and condoned torture, they’ve both violated Porsche’s consent and autonomy. The only difference between them is that Kinn feels conflicted about his actions and carries the potential for change – but his conflicted feelings don’t mean jack to Porsche unless and until he actually follows through on them. The way Vegas was able to win Porsche over with a little fake kindness underscored that if Kinn wants to be better than Vegas, he has to do better than Vegas. Meanwhile, in ep. 7, Vegas was still performing his nice-man role perfectly – being a considerate host, an effective planner, a team player, a brave fighter; yes he was doing torture and murder but everybody including Porsche was joining in with that – and yet was met with constant distrust from Porsche, while Kinn, who was still behaving badly, was met more favourably. It started to feel very slightly as though the difference between them is not who behaves better, but rather who is The Love Interest and who is The Villain. And because Kinn is The Love Interest, he is allowed to do things, like kissing drunk!Porsche in bathrooms, that are Bad when The Villain does them.

Overall this is a very fiddly nitpick and I think there are plenty of in-universe justifications for Porsche’s discomfort around Vegas that aren’t ‘Porsche has fourth-wall-breaking-knowledge of who the villain is.’ I just have an insatiable hunger for Porsche smiling all gooey at Vegas before he gets betrayed.

Anyway, I hope I have not flown too close to the discourse-sun with this one. Let’s end with something that I, anon, and any readers can surely all agree on: that we did indeed get to see some really attractive dudes.

[autistic-lalli]

Onni Onni Onni Onni Onni 💖

(this is your ask about Onni I want to hear your thoughts on the lad)

I came to my laptop on my free evening to write and edit fic, but alas, that was when ao3 was down, so I’ll dished this out instead!

This is a little break from the hard-and-heavy Onni content. I’ve got six more Onni asks to work through, so we’ll get back to our analysis shortly.

This is my Onni playlist as it currently stands (I have a playlist for each character that I dump songs with particularly strong vibes in.) I’ll also throw some analysis in :) (as usual, it’s a lot of Sleeping at Last)

Playlist link, then highlight lyrics and description under the cut:

Onni Hotakainen

Wilderness (Sleeping at Last)

dear wilderness, be at your best / her armor is thin as the fabric of her dress / I know the rules: the weaker trees bend / but make her immune / when your temper storms in

This song is Onni’s love letter to Tuuri. He does love her so, so much. Onni knows the world is cruel, he knows that very well. And he also knows he can’t stop Tuuri from running off into dangerous situations. This, combined with Onni’s spirituality... He’s asking. He’s asking the wilderness to go against its instinct, its character.

Bright & Early (Sleeping at Last)

in the end I’m told / it taught me everything I know / that the wreckage left behind / will somehow make me grow / but why couldn’t I have been safe from the start / soundly asleep

Onni wants to grow up. He wants to grow up so bad. But he’s still hurting, and he just doesn’t know how to cope with the hurt. It’s been one thing after another, and in the times of his life where it hasn’t... he’s been fighting for it. Fighting for safety. To feel okay, to look okay, maybe to be okay. All he knows is the pain, and oftentimes the sheer change of healing seems like too much.

South (Sleeping at Last)

if truth is north / then I am true south / I can’t figure it out, god knows I’ve tried / always looking up / ‘til my eyes give up / that’s how I lost touch of who I am / and who I was

Onni’s constant theme is doubt and fear—and reasonably so! He was already predisposed towards anxiety and self-doubt; living in a horrific, post-apocalyptic world didn’t help that. Onni is always looking for solid ground, something to rely on, something outside of himself that’s as dependable as he is. And the world always comes up short. That’s a source of his perfectionism. “We’re not allowed to make mistakes, not under any circumstances!”

Asleep (Sleeping at Last)

if I could choose / watercolor lucid dreams / I’ll paint a future / that I can redeem / for just one precious third of my life / I’m not hypnotized / by the glow of a screen / or the darkness I’ve seen

This is Sleeping at Last’s newest song and I adore it for Onni. It points, tentatively, towards his future. So much of Onni’s life has been lived in rigid, vigilant fear of what lies ahead. The future is as dangerous as the past, and I think the idea that Onni has any real impact on his future is a novel one to him. It’s idealism. However, deep down, I also think Onni believes it; he believes he has a future he can redeem, he just doesn’t know how to go about attaining that.

Boreas (The Oh Hellos)

maybe then my breath could embody / a wildfire starting / I’d sweep up the forest floor / and my body breathe life into the corners / be a darker soil

Boreas is a song where it’s really hard to narrow it down to one verse to highlight. This song was the inspiration for my fic Kindling, Smoke, and Fire. It points to Onni’s unwilling stagnation and also his suicidality. He’s willing to throw it all away if he can just prove to himself that he loves Lalli and Tuuri. All that matters is being that little bit of warmth, because that’s all he thinks he can give.

Fear (Sleeping at Last)

instrumental

What more can I say? I always come back to fear with Onni, and this song so beautifully captures all the textures of it—the exhaustion, the terror, the hope.

Six (Sleeping at Last)

what would it feel like / to put this baggage down? / if I’m being honest / I’m not sure I know how / I want to take shelter but I’m ready, ready to fight

Way back when, I did quick enneagram typings for the main cast and Onni is definitely a six. (If you want I’ve got a whole thing about the Hotakainen enneagrams and how they all responded to the outbreak in different but connected ways.) What I love about Sleeping at Last’s enneagram series is that each song points to the growth of that type. Onni’s strength is his consistency and desire to protect. He’s afraid, yes, but his love really is so much bigger than his fear.

Daughter (Sleeping at Last)

if only you knew / the sunlight shines a little brighter / the weight of the world’s a little lighter / the stars lean in a little closer / all because of you

This song has a similar vibe to Dear Wilderness, but I think this one more broadly applies to both Tuuri and Lalli. Onni can be stifling at times, but he wants Tuuri and Lalli to be at their best. And, quite honestly, in happier and healthier circumstances, I think this song would more clearly represent their relationship. This is Onni at his best—cheering on the people he loves, trusting in their strength, and providing a refuge when they need it.

East (Sleeping at Last)

now I bear little resemblance to the king I once was / I bear little resemblance to the king I could become / maybe paper is paper, maybe kids will be kids / lord, I wanna remember how to feel like I did

It’s easy to forget that Onni is an extremely powerful mage. We don’t know the full extent of his power, but he is good at what he does. But I wonder how much his fear and trauma have forced attention away from his skills and potential. Not only that, but this song points to the happiness Onni once knew—it’s there, and he’s been told it’s attainable, but how does he find it?

Uneven Odds (Sleeping at Last)

I once knew your father well / he fought tears as he spoke of your mother’s health / I guess a part of him just couldn’t return / forgiveness is a lesson he cursed you to learn

This song hits two notes: this is Onni speaking to Tuuri and Lalli, but it’s also the words Onni needs to hear. He doesn’t understand. He doesn’t know where the light is. He hopes to understand one day, and wishes someone would (and could) teach him.

this is me trying (Taylor Swift)

they told me all of my cages were mental / so I got wasted like all my potential / and my words shoot to kill when I’m mad / I have a lot of regrets about that

This song points to Onni’s sharpness as well as his despondence. This song is written for a specific relationship, but it reflects Onni’s general attitude fairly well—he’s tired, he’s worn down, and trying so hard to not be bitter. He's self-aware just enough to know that he's spiraling, but he's also powerless to stop it.

Empty Page (The Crane Wives)

I am an empty page / a muddled shade of paint / I am a light that’s burning out / I am a light that’s burning out

Onni is easily swayed by the world around him. He’s stubborn, yes, but more so he’s reactionary and sharp. And, as with everything else, that reaction comes out of fear, and that reaction only creates defenses—it doesn’t fill the emptiness he feels inside.

The Foundations of Decay (My Chemical Romance)

see the man who stands upon the hill / he dreams of all the battles won / but fate had left its scars upon his face / with all the damage they had done

Another more recent arrival! This song also slid straight into this playlist as soon as I listened to it. This song also points to Onni's suicidality. Onni's been worn down. He's been worn down by the years and the trauma and the grief, and, most times, he just doesn't know how to carry on. He's gone through so much and worked so hard, but now? Was it worth it? What has he gained?