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watsittoyah · 1 year

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Steven Grant x OC Fem Black reader (Marc later on)

Anchor…

Ch 1-To Being Weirdos

Word Count: 7.6k

Chapter intel- Some slow burn, some flirting, SMUT! MINOR’S DNI! Blood and gore description(later on in chapters). Nyctophobia (an extreme fear of the dark) build up for chapter two

And you think I’m crazy…well that’s not fair…

Ivy’s POV

I wake up already, forgetting whatever dreams that seeped through my unconscious thoughts while I was in slumber and give an obvious yawn.

“Alright Ivy, today’s the day. You got your big girl job, and you are going to have a good day.” I glanced at my flickering nightlight at the foot of the bed, trying to push back the negative thoughts about myself.

You’re 32 years old, why are you still sleeping with a nightlight?

Why are you so afraid of the dark? Grow up.

Fucking loser.

I shut my eyes and try to dash the bad thoughts away.

“Stop, stop, stop!” I then hear the upstairs neighbor walking around and talking on his phone. “Morning, Mum…” I lay there for a while with my eyes closed. Wondering what it would be like, to be normal like him upstairs. “Good morning Gus my little one finned wonder...” His voice seems nice, much better than the voices in my own head.

“Ivy! Time to get up, love.“ My great aunt Milly calls out down the hall. I sigh and cuddle my knees just for a few more minutes before getting up to shower.

•••

I might have been a bit too overzealous on showing up to work. I practically dragged my poor Great Aunt out of the house to bring me here an hour early. Then again, I wanted to check the museum out.

A small statue happens to catch my attention, and I find myself staring into its eyes. They were a dark purple, which reminded me of someone. “Hmm.”

“Will you look at that? Looks like someone mistook the statue of Keket for a rubbish dump.” I snap out of my trance as I hear a familiar voice beside me. That’s when I noticed a wad of gum on the nameplate of the statue.

“Gum shouldn’t be allowed in beautiful places.” I reach into my purse and pull out a disposable napkin and take the minty sticky substance off of the statue.

“Do I detect an American accent? You must be Ivy Hemlock word gets around the museum fast.” The man says that he extends his hand towards me. I give his hand a once over, but I dare not to shake it. “And you are?“ I ask narrowing my eyes at him. “Oh, where are my manners, my name is Steven Grant. I believe you are shadowing me today.“

“Oh! I’m so sorry, my great Aunt Milly tells me to steer clear of men in other countries because you never know if they’re going to kidnap you and then harvest your organs so they could be put on the black market.” He gives me a concerned look and I just realized the words I just spoke out loud.

“Did I mention that my great aunt is senile?” I try to joke. Thankfully he takes the joke and gives a laughs. “Right, aren’t all of our aunts a bit senile?” He gives me a kind smile and I relax my shoulders.

I like his voice, why do I like his voice?

“Stevie, you better not be scaring the new girl. She just got here and I don’t want her picking up your bad habits.” Donna warns as she stops by holding a large amount of boxes.

“Sorry, Donna. I was just introducing myself.” Steven clumsily takes the boxes from Donna and I go to help but she stops me. “Stevie’s got it.”

“Steven, actually. I am…Steven.” He corrects as he places the boxes down in the back room. I look at Steven and he makes me feel like I’m watching a child get verbally abused by a bully.

I cut my eyes at Donna and I want to shove her in a closet and lock her in it.

Like Melissa did to you?

I swallow that bad thought away and continue to listen to the conversation. “No you’re bloody useless. You don’t get paid to chit chat to the new people. You’re here to show her around and then get to work.”

Who shit in her weetabix?

“Got it.” Steven says defeated. Donna leaves us and I chime in. “Is she always like that?

“Like what?”

“A cunt.” Steven gives a chortle which makes me happy.

Why am I happy that he’s happy?

“Don’t let her hear you say that. But yeah, she is a big one if I don’t say so myself. Anyways let’s get you all set up, yeah?” I nod and he shows me around.

The way he speaks about the Egyptian artifacts and gods makes me think he’s been there before. “You really know your stuff huh?” I ask as I glance at a painting that says it was painted to depict what the underworld would look like.

“I love stuff like this. But how about you? Do you like Egyptian gods and whatnot?” I give a nod. “I do, my father was the inspiration for it. I remember he told me he was going to explore the pyramids. It was around the time I was….” The sentence dies in my throat and I quickly change the subject.

“Uh, loois? I mean loo? Bathroom? I’m sorry I need to learn more of the lingo while I’m staying here. I’m sorry.” Steven gives a chuckle.

“Its okay, it’s on the second floor, take a left. And be careful the door likes to stick from time to time.” I give a slight nod and head in the direction he tells me.

As I enter I see a few school girls in the bathroom checking their faces and taking selfies. I don’t think I remember if I was vain like that when I was their age. Then again mirrors always made me jumpy.

I go to the farthest stall and check it over. Once the coast is clear I close the stall door behind me. I then hear the girls all leave, so I do my business. Once I’m done I flush and check my watch.

Just in time for lunch.

I leave the stall and notice that the room is silent, not even the outside noise could be heard. I feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up as I turn on the water to wash my hands.

Get a hold of yourself Ivy. If you do anything out of the ordinary then your coworkers will say you’re crazy just like the last few jobs.

And you’d hate to break your great aunts heart after she had pulled some strings to get you into the place.

One of the stall doors slowly opens and I see a hand slink into the stall. “I think my hands are washed enough, I can air dry them.” I say as I wipe my hands on my slacks. I turn to the exit and feel cold breathe against my neck.

Ivy…

I shut my eyes and clench my fists together.

Ivy…

“Leave me alone.” I whisper as I feel frozen in fear.

Ivy…

I feel my nails breaking the skin of my palms and I try to walk forward.

But the voice then slowly turns into a demonic low growl.

Ivy…

IVY!

I wait for the calm to take place, but it never comes. I slowly open my eyes and the bathroom lights began to dim. Which caused a panic in my chest.

I turn and there in the corner of my eye, the stall door opens, and like a horror movie I tall black figure slink out. It’s joints moving in the opposite direction. It makes direct eye contact with me and if I hadn’t already used the bathroom I would have definitely pissed and shit myself.

It suddenly reaches for me and I fall back hitting the doorknob at my back. I then let out the loudest blood curdling scream I could muster. The mirrors all seem to bow inward making the creatures reflection look like a strange funhouse attraction.

“Someone open the door! Please! Let me out of here!” I yank and tug at the door but it’s not budging. I can feel the entity reach out to me and I scream louder praying to whatever God to answer me.

Just then the door flies open and before I could thank my savior I push past them and fall flat on my ass. When I look back I see Steven and I see the entity staring sadly at me by his shoulder. I scream and my fist shoots out. My knuckle hit his cheek.

I ignore the pain to my knuckles and I bring my knees to my chest. Everyone was staring as I started crying. “It’s in the bathroom! Its after me! Its after me!” I sob out as I rock back and forth.

“Ivy? Ivy? Look at me.” I look past his shoulder and the entity was gone.

Great everyone at work knows I’m crazy…

•••

Donna had let me take my break early. And I was sitting crossed legged on a bench with my sad excuse of a sandwich and my hand wrapped. Looking down and having flashes of what I saw an hour ago made me lose my appetite. God I just want to crawl into my bed with all the lights on and never leave.

“That’s looks good. What kind of sandwich is that?” I hear Steven’s voice but I don’t look up. “You don’t have to talk to me. I know everyone thinks I’m crazy.” I feel him sit next to me which makes me scoot away from him.

“I don’t think that.” I look up at him through angry tears. “Don’t fucking lie to me, Steven.” I say with as much venom in my tone. He puts his hands up to let me know he comes in peace. “I’m not lying. I don’t think you’re mad. You seemed like you saw something in there. What was it?” He gives a quizzical look and as I open my mouth to tell him what I saw, I stop.

He’s going to laugh at you like the others.

Insane Ivy strikes again.

I close my mouth and shake my head. “Ivy, I don’t know what you think about me, but I do want to be friends. I don’t have many of them, and many people here see me as a weirdo. So how about we be weirdo’s together?”

Okay he is terrible at cheering people up. Which is why I can’t understand why am I laughing?

“You know you suck at this.” I say through a few tearful laughs. He smiles at me and I look at my chewed cuticles. “You’ll probably think I’m dumb but I saw something in the bathroom. It was like this talk gangly thing…” I glance over at him and he seemed to actually be listening to me.

“…the way it moved, it reminded me of a zombie or something. It just…scared me.” I say in a soft voice. “I believe you.” My head snaps up at him so fast I almost give myself whiplash. “You do? Why?” He shrugs. “I don’t have a reason not to believe you. And besides you give a mean left hook so why would I argue with you?” He says as I glance at his swollen cheek.

“I’m so sorry about that. I didn’t mean to hit you.” I reach into my bag and pull out a cooling pack. “Maybe this will help?”

I snap it and it instantly gets cold. He accepts my offering and places it in his cheek. He winced in pain and I feel guilty. “We can be weirdos together.” I mutter after a few moments of silence.

“Really?” He asks almost in shock that I would accept his friendship. “I don’t have any friends. And besides my dad and Aunt Milly, you’re the only other person who believes me. So thank you for that.” I take a bite of my now soggy sandwich and swallow down the dry roast beef my great aunt had attempted to make.

Next time I’ll cook. This tastes like cardboard.

“Well if you ever want to hang out, you can give me a buzz.” He reaches into his pocket and takes out a phone. I realize what he’s doing and my lips form a large O. Last time I got a number from someone who wanted to be my friend, they told me to delete them after I made a scene at their party.

I punch in my number and save it under Ivy in his phone. I call myself and I see his number pop up on my screen. “To being weirdos.” He says with a winced smile.

Did I mention how much I like his voice?

•••

“Hi dad.” I place a fresh bouquet of flowers on his grave and sit down. “Last night Great Aunt Milly made roast beef, I had to suffer in silence and choke it down. But you already know she’s a terrible cook.” I laugh at the memories of how my dad would get food poisoning whenever we came to London for the holidays and spend them with with Great Aunt Milly. She’s the reason I question grilled cheese.

“Oh! And I got a new night light. That’s isn’t new uh, I got a job. I’m actually surprised I still have it. Because…” I look at his headstone.

Henry Hemlock. A husband, father, explorer. Gone too soon. 1958-2019

“It reached to me, dad. This thing was something from my nightmares and it scared the hell out of me…Because you’re not here…Dad I miss you. You…you were the only one who could keep the things that went bump in the night away. I miss your vo-please! Please if this is one of your jokes, it was funny for the past few years but I need you. Daddy I need you. I need my anchor back.” The tears fall from my eyes and down the back of my throat.

I try to keep the ugly tears back but I fail miserably. I curl up next to his headstone and just cry hard. “I miss you…”

•••

I get the dirt off of my jeans as I slowly walk up the the apartment steps. I hear steps coming down and I look up and see-

“Steven?” He had his phone to his ear and his brows were pinched together. “Ivy? What are you doing here?”

I quickly explain myself before my only friend thinks I’m stalking him.

“My Great Aunt Milly, she lives here and I’m staying with her.” His face softens then. “I’m sorry Mum, one moment please. Well then hello neighbor.”

“Hello, sorry if I’m bothering you.” He shakes his head. “No, no. Never a bother. But what floor are you on?”

“Uh the third floor, you?”

“The fourth floor. Sorry if I’m a bit loud up there.” That’s when it hits me. “Wait! That was you? You’re the neighbor I hear every morning talking to his mother-”

“Ivy? Can you come taste this-oh hello there.” Great Aunt Milly says at the top of the steps. “Hello, Miss Hemlock.” Steven greets. “Please dear, call me Milly. Ivy he’s quite handsome isn��t he?”

“Okay, Steven I’ll see you later, Aunt Milly please let’s get inside before you set-oh god! What are you burning?” I run past Steven and past Aunt Milly to find she was making some terrifying concoction. “AUNT MILLY! WHAT IS THIS!?”

•••

It’s been a month and I think Aunt Milly is trying to set me up with Steven. However I keep reminding her that he’s just a really good friend.

“He seems so nice and sweet. Maybe we should invite the lad over.” I was fixing my braids into a high bun in the mirror and I roll my eyes at her suggestion. “Aunt Milly we want Steven to live to see the next day.”

“Then get take away.” I suck my teeth and I turn jumping as I see the old lady standing there. Strangely Aunt Milly looked…older. Her wrinkles seem to kiss her dark skin. Which made it look like a trusty black leather couch that’s been around for over 100 years.

I cock my head to the side because honestly I have no clue how old Aunt Milly was, she’s just always looked old.

“I won’t be around forever, Ivy-“

Here we go again, Aunt Milly telling me about how she isn’t going to live long. But this woman is going to outlive God himself.

I place my hands on her shoulders. “Aunt Milly, you don’t need to worry about me. I’m going to live with you forever. But I get it you want me to be happy. How about I go on a date? You know Tom? He asked me out, I was going to say no but now I’ll go. For you okay?” She smiles at me and cups my face in her hands.

“Ivy, I just want you to be happy. You haven’t been the same since the incident. And I miss that smile.” I fake one and she swats me on the ass. “Don’t be cheeky, little minx. Now go get ready for work. You’ll miss the bus. And don’t forget you have a session with Dr. Pence.” I kiss her cheek and hug her.

She smells like dad, cinnamon and sage. “Okay, I’m going. I’m going. Love you Milly.” I call over my shoulder as I grab my purse and lunch bag.

I stand at the bus stop and peek down the road to see if Steven was coming. I heard him this morning on the phone with his mother.

“Must be nice.” I mumble as the double decker wheels around the corner. Once it stops I take a step and glance to see Steven running for the bus. I stand there as the driver gives me an annoyed look but I don’t care.

Friends don’t leave friends behind.

He catches up moments later, winded and gives me a smile. “Good morning neighbor.” I say with a cheerful smile. “Good morning neighbor.” He says back. I had managed to get us a seat in the corner and he let me have the window seat.

He gives a yawn and shakes his head. “Sorry, just a bit tired.” I can see he has dark circles and bags under his eyes. Almost like he hadn’t slept in days. Come to think about it I haven’t heard him on the phone with his mother or foot steps above me for the past few days.

“It’s okay, I’m just happy to hold the bus for you. I have some good news. Remember Tom?”

“Tom…Tom from security?”

“Yeah, he asked me out. I think I’m gonna say yes.” This makes Steven give me an odd look. “Be careful with that one, he has a reputation with the ladies.” My ears perk up. “Like what?” I ask as I lean in. He does the same, which gives a whiff of his aftershave.

He smells like winter pine. And has his lashes alway been this long?

Ivy focus!

“A few of the ladies at the front desk have said he can get too touchy if you know what I mean.”

“I can handle him, Steven. I had hit you and you turned out fine. Wait no that is a terrible joke. You shouldn’t hit people.”

We both laugh and he taps his knee. “Well I got a date Friday night. With Dylan, we’re going to a steak house.” It was my turn to give him a look. “Aren’t you vegan? What are you going to a steak house for?”

“I don’t know, Ivy. Bread, salad. All I know is that she thinks I’m cute and I’m happy.”

“Well of course you’re cute. You’d be stupid to think you’re not.” I feel Steven looking at me from the corner of my eyes but I turn my head to look out the window.

Nope, we’re gonna ignore what I said…

•••

It’s finally Sunday and I was dressed up for the big date. I wonder how Steven’s date had went.

Why are you worried about his date, Ivy? Worry about yours.

“Aunt Milly can you help me zip this dress please?” I ask her as I try to find my other earring. I had on a jade green dress that made my dark tan skin look like royalty. My jewelry was gold which made me look flawless.

She helps me zip up the dress and I feel something cold slide on my finger. I look down and see Aunt Milly placed an odd ring on my finger.

“What’s this?” I ask turning to her. “Just an old family heirloom. It belonged to your mother.” I look down at the ring and admire it.

“My mother?” One thing about my father, he avoided talking about my mother at all costs. Whenever I asked about her he would just change the subject or tell me that he would tell me all about her when I got older.

“What was she like? What did she look like? Do you have any photos of her?” I bombard her with questions and she gives a whimsical laugh. “Dear, I will tell you all about her when you get back from your date, now don’t stay out too long. Stay safe and please put on a jacket.” I lean down and she kisses my head and I sigh. “Guess you’re coming with me mom.” I whispers to the ring as I head out the door.

Three hours later…

Maybe he’s just running late. Maybe he got caught up in traffic and…

“Miss, the kitchen will be closing soon.” The waiter says to me. I had crumbled a napkin in my lap and I look at my phone. Tom hadn’t answered my calls or my text messages.

“Right, can I have your biggest container of ice cream to go please? And a slice of-make it two slices of chocolate cake.”

I manage to ask without crying. My tears stain my dress and I hope that maybe as the waiter gets my order that Tom will somehow appear and apologize a million times about being so late.

I take an Uber back home and put on the biggest fake smile I can gather. “Thank you for tonight Tom.” I yell as I unlock the door. I kick off my heels and lock the door behind me. “Aunt Milly?” I call out to her. But I get no response. I do hear her tv on low. When I walk into the living room she was laying there with her eyes closed.

I walk over to her and pull the quilt over her little body. “How was the date?” I jump hearing her ask as her eyes were still closed. “Jesus, Mary and Joseph. You scared me! The date was great, we had drinks, and steak-“

“Don’t lie to me, I always know when you’re lying, Ivy Dorthy Hemlock.” I hate when she uses my full name, makes me feel like I’m four years old and I’m in big trouble. “What’s wrong?” All she did was ask that two word question and I broke down dropping my leftovers.

“He..he stood me up.” She gets up and pulls me onto her lap. “Oh love, it’s alright. These things happen. Why I remember when my date first stood me up. It was back in…well way back when.”

“What did you do about it?”

“I walked up to his brand new Chevy and I smashed all the windows out with a brick.” I snort on my tears and we both end up laughing.

Aunt Milly and I sat down watching Jeopardy while she parted and greased my scalp. “What is 101 Dalmatians?” I guess. And I was correct. “You need to go on this show, Ivy. You’d win it all I know it.” I shrug hand her some more grease for my scalp.

“Aunt Milly can you tell me about my mother now?” In the way she moved her hands I can tell she’s hesitating.” I look up at her and she gives a big sigh. “That serious?” I ask.

“Your mother…was like no other woman. Powerful force when she entered the room, and that room was filled with her enemies. Tsk, before I tell you more will you bring these to that lovely boy, he’s in apartment 444.” I frown because I know she’s stalling.

“Who’s in that apartment?” She gets up and walks to the kitchen to bring back a plate covered in saran wrap. “That lovely lad, Steven. I’ve been feeding his goldfish when he leaves on some days.”

How close are Aunt Milly and Steven?

She hands me the plate before I can protest and and starts pushing me out the door. “What is it?” I ask trying to peek. “Cookies, I baked them my self.” I stop in my tracks. “I’m not giving him this. You’re going to commit a murder with these disks of death.”

“You little she devil.” She pinched the fat on my arm and did a twist causing me to yelp. “Ouch! Old lady that hurt!”

“Go bring him the cookies or I’ll force them down your little throat.”

“Yes ma’am.” I know better than to eat her food, I don’t wanna die. Sorry Steven, better you than me. I slide on my sneakers and make my way up to his apartment.

“Old lady got a mean ass grip. I should throw these at her head.” I mumble in a huff as I move my hair out of my face. When I get to Steven’s door, I knock and wait a moment.

“I probably saved your life if you don’t answer.” Which I was hoping he wouldn’t so I can grill Aunt Milly about my mother.

I tuck the death disks under my arm, ready to retreat down the steps but I hear the door open. Right there stood a sad sap, who happened to be Steven.

“You got some smuck on the corner of your face.” I point out. “Sorry, it’s chocolate. Uh come in, come in.” He ushers me in as he wipes his face clean. I look around his place and it looked so cluttered. Then again I’ve seen worse. “Sorry for the mess, I’ve been meaning to tidy up a bit.” I shake my head.

“No it’s fine I was just dropping by. Aunt Milly wanted you to have this, but toss it. Trust me, you don’t want to eat that…wait, what’s wrong?” He looked like he was on the verge of tears. “I don’t know really. Remember the date I was supposed to have?”

“The date you had Friday?” He gives me a gutted look as if I just told him his dog died. “Bullocks, she’s never going to talk to me. What day is it?”

“Sunday…” He then sit down on a stool with his face in his hands, and I kneel in front of him as I hear him about to cry.

“Hey, whatever happened it’s going to be OK. How about we get fat off of some ice cream. We can talk about how crappy our dates are if that’ll make you feel better.”

Steven looks up at me wiping his tears. “What happened? Did he? Did he try anyth-“ I stop him right there because I can see him getting angry. Which was weird to see.

“No nothing happened. In fact Tom never showed up. But hey maybe it wasn’t meant to be. So what do you say wanna humor this freak and eat some junk?”

Steven gives a smile which honestly makes me want to call him beautiful.

“Yeah, us weirdos got to stick together, you know. I got some ice cream in the fridge. I hope you like chocolate.”

“Love it, let me help you. Oh do you have sprinkles? The rainbow kind? Those are my favorite topping for ice cream.”

“Mine too, they’re in the top cupboard on the left.” He tells me. We scoop ice cream into some bowls and start talking about different subjects.

Like how Steven wanted to bring his mom down during his vacation. He told me he wanted me to meet her. I told him that when I get enough money I would go through my fathers bucket list and do everything he wanted to do. He gave me a smile and I swoon.

Were his eyes always this brown?

We were on his couch just talking and I hardly notice how close our knees are touching. Or how his hand keeps bumping against my wrist when he tells me an excited story.

I grow quiet as I let him talk and my thoughts get a bit, not so innocent.

I watch his tongue and as he licks his lips. I wonder what other things he’d like to lick. Maybe my neck…

Or my bottom lip…

I can picture his tongue dipping into my belly button just to tease me…

And finally I can picture his tongue flicking across my cl-

“Ivy? Hello earth to Ivy.” I snap out of my fantasies and clear my throat. “Sorry, for spacing out. That was rude.”

“It’s fine, sometimes I space out. Then again I black out sometimes and that’s not really fun.”

“Steven.” I place my half eaten bowl of ice cream down on his table and turn to him. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure anything, Ivy. Ask away.” I take a calm breathe, because this can go two ways, he could reject me and I have to go into witness protection for the rest of my life, or we both can get lucky.

“Can you close your eyes for me?” I ask. He then puts his empty bowl down on the table. “Uh, sure. Not sure why you’d want me to do that but fine. Fine, I’ll do it.” He closes his eyes and I let out a breathe I didn’t know I was holding.

Here goes nothing.

I lean in and kiss him, which causes him to move back and I stop. But we were both wide eyed with barely an inch between us.

I was the first one to stand up. “I’m sorry. I’ll leave.” As I walk I feel a gentle tug on my shirt. “Don…don’t go. You just surprised me, is all. I just can’t believe someone as beautiful as you would want to kiss me.” I give him a puzzled frown.

“Steven, I meant what I said the other day on the bus. You’d be stupid if you didn’t think you were cute. Then again you’re more than cute, when you smile you face…light up like the moon. Your voice it-no. Nope, I’m not going there. Just please know I’ll understand if you don’t want to be friends anymore.”

“Why in the bloody hell would I want to stop being your friend? I like you.” My heart skips hearing him confess that to me. I look down and see he’s still holding onto my shirt.

“Maybe I’m a bit heart broken over the date or maybe it’s a sugar high from all the ice cream I’ve had tonight but, do you want to kiss me? If not reject me so I can move on.” I force out a laugh but he wasn’t laughing.

Instead he tugs me forward and I follow. He looks up at me and those brown eyes seem to hide something dark in them.

“I would like to kiss you, very much.” My body leans in and I feel my legs doing their own thing. I straddle his legs and I reach up cupping his face.

His gorgeous face, how does this man not find himself attractive?

I rub my thumbs across his stubbled face and he closes his eyes. If I had a camera right now I would snap a picture of this man.

I pause for a moment and just study his face. His lashes seem to kiss his cheeks, the wrinkles on his face, looks like road maps that I want to explore. His fussy raven curly hair, falls on his face and I lean down, kissing where the curls fall.

I hear a soft groan escape his lips and his hands travel from my shirt to the curve on my hips. I kiss down his beautiful face and with each kiss he lets out a groan.

When my lips finally meet his, I feel one of his hands travel up my spine and rest on the nape of my neck. “Is this okay?” He asks just a few centimeters from my lips. “It’s perfect.” I lean down and our lips meet. It’s no surprise he tastes like chocolate ice cream.

But what does surprises me is how erotic the noises he’s making. I want to explore his body and make him whimper for me, maybe even beg.

God Ivy don’t be such a sadist.

I test the waters and slide my tongue in, he invites me in and I feel him suck. Which causes a moan leaving my lips as well. I feel a bulge bump between my legs and I adjust myself so I can feel it.

I slowly press and move against Steven and we both let out a moan when I hit the right spot. With one swift motion he lifts me up and pins my back down on the couch. His lips leave mine and I feel a bit dizzy from the lack of air.

“You’re stunning, Ivy. Absolutely stunning.” He whispers as he moves a strand of my hair out of my eyes. He then leans back down, kissing and sucking my bottom lip.

I want him to make more noises for me so I take my hand and find my way to his belt. The jingle of his belt was faint but the sound of the zipper could have awakened the dead.

I feel him stiffen on top of me but I take that chance and slide my hand into his pants. It’s warm and his skin feels hot. I find the head of his cock and it was sticky.

“Bloody fucking hell.” Steven hisses as I see his eyes roll back. I run my thumb over the head and he moans. He felt thick, at least in my hand he did.

I slowly stroke him and I watch his body obey my movements. His hips move a bit and I grip him slightly. A whine passes his lips as his hips start moving faster. I feel more of his sticky precum against the palm of my hand and I lick my lips. “Steven.” I whisper his name and he opens his eyes looking down at me.

I move my hand from his pants and I lick his precum off of my palm. He bites his bottom lip and I pull him down so he can taste himself on my tongue.

His knees somehow pins my legs apart and I’m trying to not squirm under him, but I need friction. “Can I taste you? Please can I taste you? I just know you taste like sweets.” He begs as he rubs his knee between my thighs.

I nod quickly and he fumbles trying to get into my pants. He then slides his two thick fingers into my panties. I grab his hand and guide him to slide them inside of me. “Oh my god.” He could fuck me with his fingers and I would be satiated. But I know I’ll want more once his digits are no longer touching my g-spot.

He curls his fingers in a come here motion and my body jerks abruptly. How does he know how to do that?

Steven isn’t some goofball…

He is but right now, he’s a man who can fulfill my greatest desires.

He takes his thumb and it rolls over my clit causing my walls to tighten around him. “Please.” I moan out to him. A dark shadow seems to pass over his eyes, but he blinks and it’s just Steven in a lust drunk state.

“Help me with these.” He says as he tugs at the waist band of my sweatpants. He removes his hand then and he sucks his middle and index finger. His eyes flutter close as he greedily suck his fingers clean. He sits up and I lift my ass so that I can rip off my sweats. He helps me and when he gets a hold of them they go flying across the room.

We both look when they land and I let out a giggle. He looks back at me chuckling but that stops when he sees I’m soaked between my legs. I watch him get on his knees and he then licks his lips. Steven looks up at me through his lashes as if to ask me permission. I slowly open my legs wider for him and I suck on my bottom lip as I spread the lips as well.

He looks like he’s in pain, almost as if he doesn’t get to taste me he’ll die. I feel his elbows dip down near my thighs and I feel his fingers curl inside of me once more. He leans down and he flattens his tongue against my cunt.

With his tongue he massages my lips and clit all at once which makes my toes curl and my fingers entwine in his messy hair. His stubble tickles my lower lips and I lean my head back feeling in bliss while he eats me out.

If this was his first time, he’s doing one hell of a great job. I look back down at him and he’s looking up at me. I let go of his hair and touch his face. “Steven, did I e…ever tell you, you have such pretty eyes. Oh yes. You have such pretty eyes, please don’t stop looking at me with those pretty ey-" He doesn’t break eye contact but he does twirl his tongue hum at the same time.

I spread my legs wider which makes him grip my right thigh for dear life. His grip is a bit painful but his mouth makes me ignore it. He pulls me closer to him as if I’m his final meal of the night and he wants to make sure he licks the plate clean.

I stutter out gibberish and rock my hips in motion to his rhythm. His fingers does quicker come here motions and I feel the sensation that I’ve been craving.

My breathing becomes quicker, as I watch his now free hand move in his pants. My eyes are hungry to continue to watch but my orgasm hits me hard as I stutter out that I’m going to cum.

He encourages me to do so but doesn’t slow down or get faster. His fingers spread my inner lips apart and as soon as his tongue slides inside of me my legs tense up and I pull his head deeper. He moans and slurps as I come on his tongue.

His glorious tongue.

I shake out one more orgasm and my swollen clit was extremely sensitive. But that doesn’t stop Steven. He gives it a few lazy licks and I try to close my legs. “S..ste…Steven. St..s..stop!” He moves away from me licking his lips and I see his chin was wet from my juices.

“Knew you tasted good.” He whispers as he looks back between my legs. I stop him before I’m at the mercy of his mouth again and ask.

“Do…do you have any condoms?” Steven looks past his shoulder and then back at me. “No, sorry I’m afraid I don’t have any.” I groan but sit up, moving my jelly like legs. I almost stumble but Steven nabs me before I could fall. When I look in his eyes I see panic.

“Where are you going? Was I that bad?” I then realized my mistake and mentally kick myself.

Don’t just leave you idiot, he might think he didn’t please you enough (which how could he not know how good of a job he did?) and it makes you look like you’re just using him.

I touch his cheek and the panic subsides. “I’m just running downstairs really quicks, I have condoms in my drawer. And you did an amazing…amazing job.” I say as I look at his still wet chin. I lean over and give him another kiss to reassure him. When I move back he looked happier than a fish in a new fishbowl.

“Right condoms. I should start carry those if we’re gonna do stuff like this again. If you want to do this again. I would like to do this aga-”

“I would like to do this again, and many more times. Now you have to let me go.” Only then he notices that he’s holding me tight. He loosens his grip and I take a step back from him.

I start looking for my sweatpants he had flung by his bed and see they were peeking out from the foot of it. When I go to grab them I notice a black rope. When I pick it up I see a restraint attached to it.

“That-” I hold a hand up cutting him off. “We’ll talk about this when I get back.” I shake my legs through the tangled fabric of my sweatpants and once they’re finally on I look back at him as I head to his door. “I’ll be back quickly. Okay.” I reassure him again. He nods and I hurry down the steps.

Hell I’m taking three at a time. I go to open the door but notice that I didn’t leave Aunt Milly’s door ajar.

“Aunt Milly?” I call out to her and I expect her to be laying on the couch. “Aunt Milly?” I call out once more. The room was silent except for a dripping noise. I follow it but get this chill on the back of my neck.

I don’t like this.

I think to myself as my foot steps begin to slow down.

“Aunt…” I don’t know why I didn’t notice, why I didn’t smell it. But I look down and see my once grey sneakers where now turning maroon.

Blood.

My heart began to slam against my chest as all my senses scream at me.

I should run, I should get the hell out of here and get help.

But my feet wouldn’t listen. I know the dripping is from her. My sweet Aunt Milly.

I hear something move behind me and the lights start to flicker which makes me flinch. I don’t want to turn around because-

I hear shallow breathing and my head turns to the dark corner of the apartment. Right there I see a creature that looked like an oversized dog.

Before I could scream it l lunged at me. Thankfully I was quick and I ducked down causing it to crash into the wall above me. I go to run but my right foot slips from under me.

I scramble as the creature snaps its killer jaws just inches from my leg. I take off and slam the door behind me.

I couldn’t push a scream out of my lungs, my body was in flight mode and I ran, hearing the door explode behind me. It was gaining on me as I ran my hardest up the stairs to Steven’s apartment.

I slam my body into his door and thankfully he didn’t lock it. I get inside and slam it locking the door quickly. Steven ran over to me but stops when he sees I’m covered in blood.

My voice finally emerges but it all sounds like another language. “Ivy, Ivy slow down. I can barely understand you. What happened?”

“She’s d..dead. It got her! I..it…ahhh! Ahhhh! Ahhhh!”

It all happened in a blur. The police questioning me, over and over again. Steven telling them that I’m a mess and can’t answer.

“Sir I understand that she’s in shock, but we need to know what happened. That apartment is a crime scene and her alibi is the only thing keeping her from being the suspect….”

I watch the body bag that held my aunt and my breathe leaves my body. “She’s gone.” I whisper causing Steven to steer me away from the EMT’s.

As he rubs the small of my back I look up at him and the shock suddenly hits me causing my legs to give out from under me.

He catches me before I could fall, I stare at the ceiling for a moment and when I blink I see a beautiful woman with starry night skin. She smiled at me which caused her dark purple eyes to smile as well.

She leans in close to my face and I feel my eyes roll back until all I can see is darkness. But this darkness I didn’t fear, it was comforting to me.

Ivy…

Come find me.

The woman’s voice rings in my ears.

And before I knew it, I had passed out in Steven’s arms…

TO BE CONTINUED…

A/N

Before I continue this story was not only inspired by the amazing show moon knight but inspired by a fear I had as a child. Sometimes I find myself not too fond of the dark, and yet I embrace it from to time. Also this story will include some names of Egyptian gods and goddesses, they are in my interpretation. So I want to apologize in advance. If you wish to not read this story I understand.

If this do continue to read this story please don’t forget to like and share this with your friends. I’ll update again in two week. Or when my lazy ass doesn’t procrastinate. Laters Gators 🐊

#watsittoyah #marvel #oscar issac #oscar issac moonknight #moon knight #steven grant #marc spector #jake lockley #x black reader #moon knight smut #khonshu #stevengrantxblackreader #marc spector x black reader #oscar issac hernandez estrada

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double-hoe-seven · 3 years

Text

AFC Richmond as boyfriends

Here’s a lil headcanon collection of our favorite himbos as boyfriends.

I did it again for the staff (: AFC Richmond Staff as partners

A/N: Definitely didn’t put everyone but these were my top ones and it’s 2 AM so imma leave it here.

Sam Obisanya

The absolute sweetest man you have ever met

Such a softie, very concerned about making sure you’re happy and comfortable with whatever choices you make together.

He always picks the most random times to surprise you with things; showing up at your work randomly for lunch or with coffee/tea, random little souvenirs from his away games.

He’s always putting himself second and sometimes you have to remind him “hey, babe, you can do things for yourself, you deserve nice things too.”

Just, compliments galore with him. He’ll always find a way to compliment you on something.

The most cuddly person ever, he loves public affection (hand holding, piggy backing, hugging, kissing if it’s not raunchy, etc), he really just likes showing you off because he feels like the luckiest man in the world to have you.

He takes his time with your relationship, letting it bloom and grow at it’s own pace.

There aren’t many fights between you, hardly ever, the last “fight” you had was because you couldn’t unanimously decide which dog to rescue. The solution? You adopted both, now you share a one-eyed Jack Russell Terrier named Starro and a three legged German Shepherd puppy named Harry (Pawter. He was so proud at his pun when he showed you the then 3-month old puppy.)

Again, just the sweetest, more romantic man you’ve ever met and ever will meet.

thesexisgoodtoo. hesaverygentleandgivinglover

Isaac McAdoo

Man’s stubborn.

I mean it, he is as stubborn as a mule.

I’M DEAD SERIOUS, he once pouted for 5 days when you accidentally ate the last Rolo in the flat.

But he’s also romantic in a sort of rugged way?

He won’t go shopping with you but he knows what colors look best on you, he knows what styles look good on you, and he has your sizes and shades memorized.

Bear.

Mr. sometimes-crank-teddy-bear over here.

He’ll say he doesn’t want something but he will eat half of your food if given the chance. If you step away from your food to get a drink or something, there will be a good part mission when you get back.

Its a tradition to go on a date the morning of a game, and snuggle up with a movie after the game.

You have had more than a few drunk texts from him, all of them equally funny and full of sexual innuendos.

You don’t address his Rolo addiction. It could be something much worse anyway.

Richard Montlaur

So many visits to the goat farm he was raised on!

He really has to drag you back to London after visiting his parents because you don’t want to leave all the precious goats (and you and his parents get along famously).

You spend alternating holidays with each others families (except for Bastille day, you always spend that either together or with his family.)

There are always roses in your shared flat.

It’s a constant battle over his facial hair.

He has a grudge against the way the English make French pastries.

He has a habit of falling asleep on the couch or in uncomfortable positions and then wondering why his back or neck hurts.

Little spoon.

He’s teaching you French.

This man is a smooth operator, master at flirtation and romance. He’s good at planning romantic dates and outtings.

Dani Rojas

You 100% believe his mom when she says he was born caffeinated.

One of your first dates was a Mumford and Sons concert which was an interesting experience.

Soft boi hours with him. He’s a lil puppy dog.

Does this man ever sleep? Rarely.

He rises with the son and wants to get the day started immediately but he’s mostly letting you sleep in now.

He LOVES trying new things, exploring new places, generally having new experiences.

His absolute favorite thing to do when he’s not training is playing football (or any game, really) with the kids in your neighborhood. They all love him.

He’s a sweet boyfriend, not as sweet as Sam but he’s a close second.

You alternate who plans date night. You split the chores 50/50 but divvy it up if one of you is sick or has more work to do.

There’s so much alcohol in your flat its unreal.

You usually go to sleep before him but he has a bad habit of throwing himself into bed and partially waking you.

He makes the best breakfast most mornings.

And don’t forget the trips back home to visit his family in Guadalajara.

After a long day of training, he loves just laying down with his head on your lap while you run your fingers through his hair.

Jamie Tartt (Season 1)

FUCK NO

Jamie Tartt (Season 2)

On your first date you got drunk and bonded over shitty fathers.

Not that either of you really remembered the next day, you were both too hungover to immediately recall the night.

His love language is kind words.

At the start he needed a lot of reassuring that you did care about him for who he was, warts and all.

He’s slightly awkward when it comes to romantic gestures so most of the date planning falls on you don’t mind.

He still has some high maintenance behavior but he’s working on it and you’re proud of how far he’s come from the prick he used to be.

Your fights are usually over petty shit like where to eat for dinner or what movie to go see.

He will not hesitate to buy your feminine products for you. He knows your preferred brands and sizes and what treats you like when its that time.

He’s good at those rigged carnival games, the many little stuffed animals in your closet can attest to that.

He talks in his sleep. It’s all nonsense.

He has a soft spot for the neighbor’s cat (and cats in general).

Roy Kent

Rugged.

He’s great to snuggle up to.

The man is honest to boot. He doesn’t sugar coat anything at all.

10/10 times he will go down on you if asked. He’s a giver.

He is the heaviest sleeper in the world. You don’t know why he bothers setting alarms.

Phoebe has a room at your flat and spends so much time with you both.

Many nights have been spent reading different books on the couch together.

He has to clean the drains since 75% of it is his.

Fuck is a very versatile word in your home, used daily.

Not the most romantic man alive but he has his moments.

Date nights are usually relaxed and proper but sometimes you can make the old man have a little fun.

He growls at least a dozen times a day, it’s his main response.

Jan Maas

My beloved

My sweet, beloved Jan who can’t/won’t use a filter to save his life.

He’s blunt in everything and sometimes it makes you want to slap him.

Jan is still getting used to English ways and mannerisms.

He has good intentions but sometimes needs a little help with wording.

He likes going on Aquarium dates.

The more tired he is, the clingier he is and it’s too cute.

Once after a game he plopped onto the couch next to you and basically tried to curl up in your lap.

He can make amazing pancakes.

Thats it though.

You’ll do most of the cooking if you value living in a flat that’s not on fire.

He’s a sweetheart though.

Mostly good intentions though.

Doesn’t mind nudity and had to quickly be reined in by the team. Not at home though.

At home he can easily be found lounging in boxers and a t-shirt while he sips coffee.

He knows what he’s doing.

Tag Team: @bdffkierenwalker

#Ted Lasso #Jan Maas #Isaac McAdoo #Dani Rojas #Roy Kent #Jamie Tartt #Sam Obisanya #Richard Montlaur #AFC Richmond Himbos #AFC Richmond #AFC Richmond Greyhounds #Emotional Support Himbos #I love them all your honor #Jan Maas my beloved #Sam Obisanya is baby

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waitimcomingtoo · 3 years

Text

In Case You Don’t Live Forever

~chapter ten rewritten~

Pairing: Peter Parker x Venom!Reader

Synopsis: you are Peters greatest love and Spider-Man’s greatest enemy

Series Masterlist

Instead of lying in bed and crying all night, you decided to go out as a venom. You checked the hallway through the peephole in your door before leaving your apartment.

Once you stepped off the elevator, you kept your eyes glued to the floor in case Peter left his apartment as well. Since you weren’t looking up, you ended up smacking into the back of some guy.

“Sorry.” You muttered, still adverting your eyes.

“It’s all good.” He answered. You knew that voice. He turned around and your face lit up.

“Andy!” You exclaimed. You wrapped your arms around his neck and he pulled you into a tight hug. You lifted your legs off the floor and squeezed him as hard as you could. You really needed a hug.

“Hey you.” He laughed, pleasantly surprised that you were happy to see him. “How’s it going?”

“Uh, it’s going.” You faked a smile, not sure what else to tell him. “What are you doing here?”

“Well you’ve been so busy lately that we barely talk.” He said, a little harshly. “I figured I’d come down and surprise you.”

“Really? That’s so nice of you. Thanks for coming.” You squeezed his arm gently and he gave you a bright smile. It was weird. It didn’t affect you like it used to. A gesture like this from Andy would usually keep you up for weeks wondering if it meant he wanted to get back together. He could usually pull you in with the slightest hint of wanting you back. This time, you didn’t feel the pull.

“You alright? Your eyes are glassy.” Andy asked after a few more moments of staring.

“Yeah. Just a fight with my boyfriend. You know how it is.” You shrugged and wiped your eyes with the backs of your hands. You had briefly forgotten about Peter and your fight.

“Right.” Andy said flatly. “I forgot you were seeing someone.”

“This is somebody else.” You clarified. “And he’s my ex-boyfriend actually. We just broke up.”

You bit the inside of your cheek, regretting what you had said. Why would you tell him that? Yeah, you were mad at Peter, but you weren’t going to be mad forever.

“Oh really?” Andy perked up. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“You know, I would really appreciate that.” You answered honestly. “Come on. I’ll show you my apartment.”

You lead Andy back up to your apartment to talk. You knew he wasn’t the right person to air your grievances with, but he was all you had right now. MJ wasn’t answering her phone and you really needed to talk.

You thankfully didn’t see Peter in the hallway as you unlocked your front door and let Andy in. Little did you know, Peter was out on patrol, looking for you.

“So what brings you to New York?” You asked as you got yourself a glass of water. Surely he had other reasons than just visiting you.

“I’ve missed it here. I missed the city, the shops, and you know…you.” Andy said sheepishly. You felt your heart twinge a little at his words. He missed you. And embarrassingly enough, you hadn’t missed him. Not since Peter started taking up all your time, anyway.

“I missed you too.” You lied through a smile.

“No we didn’t.” Venom said telepathically. You shushed her and kept your eyes on Andy.

“So, have you finished up shop here? Can I expect you back in San Francisco soon?” Andy asked as he looked around your apartment. He noticed a lot of framed pictures of you and a certain brown eyed boy.

“Just about.” You answered. “But I’m not sure if I’m ready to head back just yet. I kinda like it here. I’ve set down roots.”

By roots, you meant Peter. You were irrevocably in love with Peter Parker and you wanted to stay in New York to be with him. The longer Andy stayed, the more you wished to talk to Peter and fix things. You didn’t have to go to your flight the next day. You could just go to his apartment and forget your fight ever happened.

“Are you gonna come back for the wedding?” Andy pulled you from your thoughts as he dragged his finger over a picture of you kissing Peters cheek at his graduation. You heard a hint of sadness in his voice, and maybe a little annoyance.

“When is it again?” You asked. All plans about the wedding completely slipped your mind since coming to New York. It was almost funny, this conversation felt so foreign to you. Andy, San Francisco, the wedding. It wasn’t your life anymore.

This was. Peter was.

“August 10th.” Andy reminded you, a little bitter with his tone.

“Shoot. That’s Peters birthday.” You said apologetically.

“Is Peter the one you just broke up with?” Andy almost scoffed.

“Yeah, but like, not forever.” You laughed awkwardly. “I still love him.”

“Who is Peter anyway?” Andy asked abruptly, folding his arms in disdain. “

“Peter is the best.” You gushed, picking up a photo of you and him lying on his bed and blowing some dust off the top. “He’s my neighbor across the hall. I don’t know. We just fell all the way in love. He really understood me and I really understood him. And he makes me want to be a better me. He challenges me, but not in a pushy way, you know?”

“I know.” Andy said quietly, keeping his eyes on you.

“Yeah. He keeps me on my knees.” You shrugged until your face turned a deep red. “I mean toes. He keeps me on my toes.”

Andy’s jaw tightened when you corrected yourself.

“Sounds nice.” Andy said through gritted teeth. He was seething with jealousy and it was evident.

“It is nice. Or, it was. I need to talk to him and fix things. I love that boy with everything.” You said, mostly to yourself. Andy still heard it.

“What about me? Do you still love me?” Andy came up to you suddenly and put one hand on your cheek and the other on your hip. You were surprised by his question, and even more surprised by his actions.

“I had to stop loving you the moment you broke up with me over a job.” You practically scoffed as you moved his hands off of you.

“You’re still upset about that? Come on, Y/n, that was a million years ago.” He whispered, brushing hair away from your forehead. You stubbornly reached up and pushed the hair back in place.

“Yeah, I am.” You said, feeling slightly annoyed. “We were together for two years and then we didn’t speak for six months. So yeah, I’m still a little upset.”

“Why?” He asked idiotically.

“Why?” You raised an eyebrow as you took a step back from him.

“Yea, why?” He shrugged.

“I’m upset because I needed you.” You raised your voice. “I needed you and you weren’t there. You lost me and your job on the same day and I swear, losing the job hurt you more. And while I was begging for jobs and crying myself to sleep, you were off with some other girl, giving her the same ring you said you’d give me.”

This time, you didn’t feel tears coming to your eyes. You only felt pure rage as all the things you wanted to say to Andy for the past year came tumbling out.

“I proposed to her because I loved her. I loved you too.” He defended, getting angry himself.

“You didn’t love me!” You half laughed. “You just wanted to be needed by me. You wanted to keep me small so I’d content at your side the rest of my life.”

“That’s not true.” He scoffed, only increasing your anger.

“It’s not? Then how come you never cared about my work? I never saw you reading my articles or watching my show. You have always been threatened by my success because you knew it exceeded yours.”

“Alright. Maybe I was a little jealous.” He shrugged dismissively. “You were younger than me and had already accomplished more than I had. And you know what? That didn’t sit right with me. I should’ve been the one calling the shots, not you. Am I not allowed to want to feel like a man?”

“You think you’re some kind of man?” You laughed sharply. “You’re just a coward who runs when things get hard. I mean, look at you. Here you are, yelling at your ex girlfriend for making you feel like less of a man. But you know what, Andy? I do not have to apologize for making you feel inferior.”

“Okay, fine. I was out of line.” He admitted. “But don’t tell me you haven’t thought about us getting back together. I know how badly you wanted me back when I first broke up with you.”

“Oh, Andy.” You sighed as you put a hand on his cheek. He smiled at you and wrapped his hand around your wrist, leaning into your touch. You dropped your smile suddenly and pulled your hand away, lowering your voice to deliver the punchline. “That was a million years ago.”

He stepped back when you threw his words back at him.

“I can’t believe you’re still hung up on this.” He shook his head mockingly at you. “It wasn’t that big of a deal. What was I supposed to do? You cost me my job so it cost you our relationship. I’m trying to fix that now. Isn’t that enough?”

 “I know what enough looks like.” You took a step towards him and pointed to yourself. “You and your condescension are not it.”

“Y/n, baby, hear me out.” Andy pleaded. He swiftly pulled you into a kiss. You pushed him off and wiped your mouth in the back of your hand.

“You can’t do that. You cannot just kiss me whenever you want. And what about Dani?” You scolded him. Your heart broke for her. She didn’t deserve such an unfaithful man. He looked at you with sad eyes.

“You moving to New York made me realize how much I needed to see you everyday. I broke up with Dani when I realized I couldn’t live without you.” He admitted. “The wedding is off. It’s you that I want Y/n, not her. It’s always been you. You can’t tell me you didn’t feel anything when we kissed. Just try again and you’ll see.”

He tried to pull you into for another kiss but Venom came out and snapped at him like a dog, coming dangerously close to his face with her razor sharp teeth. Andy backed away immediately. Venom slinked back towards you and rested on your shoulder, staring Andy down.

“Back up.” Venom growled and Andy obeyed.

“You can’t just kiss me and think everything will be okay. This isn’t some romance movie. This is real life. I’m not going to be the girl who mopes around until the boy who broke her heart comes running back with flowers and a ring. I’m going to be the girl that picks herself back up and kicks his ass out the door. You need to leave. I mean it.” You pointed to the door. Your hand was perfectly still. You had stood your ground and it felt good. Andy nodded solemnly and walked to your door.

“I’m sorry. If it’s worth anything at all, I’m sorry.” He said honestly, giving you one last look.

As soon as Andy opened the door, Peter knocked him out with one punch. You gasped in shock as Andy fell to the floor. You didn’t even realize Peter was in the hallway. You and Peter looked at Andy’s unconscious body and then up at each other. Without saying a word, you rushed towards each other and pulled each other into a passionate kiss.

“I heard every word. I’m so sorry that I doubted you. I love you and I just want to keep you safe.” Peter said against your lips.

“I love you too.” You smiled. “I’m sorry I keep running away when things get hard. I promise, I’ll never run again. You have my word. I’m yours, Peter Parker. Until the earth starts to crumble and the heavens roll away.”

Only, that didn’t happen. None of it happened. No matter how much you wanted it to. Andy opened the door and left, leaving you alone in your apartment. You watched as he shut the door, shivering a little at the sound. You didn’t cry when he eft. No, you smiled. A big happy smile. Damn it felt good to move on.

“Thanks babe.” You stroked Venom on her head. “You really had my back. I love you.”

“We love you too but you’re a hypocrite.” Venom answered, making you look at her in confusion.

“What? No I’m not.” You defended.

“You told Andy that he ran away when things got hard.” Venom reminded you. “Is that not what you did to Peter?”

You felt embarrassed at your double standards.

“This is different.” You muttered.

“You’re right. It is different. The difference is you loved Andy but you’re in love with Peter. You have to fight for the people you love. You can’t just walk away.” Venom said, suddenly in a calming and understanding tone.

“Why not? It’s easier.” You said weakly.

“That was before you met us. Now, you have backup.” Venom said and nuzzled into your cheek. You wiped your tears and nuzzled her back. You two were quiet for a moment as she silently comforted you.

“Now go talk to him or we’ll eat your kidney.” Venom said suddenly. You felt your heart stop.

“You wouldn’t.” You said, daringly. You were a little scared she actually would.

You felt a sharp pain in your side that knocked you to your knees. You clutched your stomach as you doubled over in pain

“Did you just eat my kidney?!” You screamed.

“We like to follow through.” Venom said simply.

“Venom!” You exclaimed.

“We’re kidding. We just bit it. Relax. But we will do it for real if you don’t talk to Peter.” Venom argued.

“So I have to talk to Peter or you’ll eat my kidney? Does that sound like a fair ultimatum?” You sassed.”

“Yes. It sounds very fair to us.” Venom replied.

“But Peter didn’t tell us who he really was.” You grumbled. Even you thought it sounded dumb at that point.

“And we didn’t tell Peter who we really were.” Venom reminded you.

“It’s different.” You protested. “He wasn’t hiding the fact that he can turn into an alien with razor sharp claws and teeth.”

“Might I imbue you with some alien knowledge?” Venom asked.

“Please do.” You said sarcastically.

“Peter is a good guy. He had good intentions, Y/n. And we thrive off killing men with bad intentions. So if you apply that to PEMDAS, you can conceivably see that we belong with Peter.” Venom stated. You let out a short laugh. She was making sense…kind of.

“He may be a good guy, but we’re not.” You said, a little sadly. “How many times did he tell us we can’t eat people? He will never accept us the way we are. Why should I ever bother trying to fix things?”

“Because you love him.” Venom answered.

“I do.” You sighed as the picture Andy was touching caught your eye. “I love him enough to let him go.”

“Let him go?”

“Yes.” You made your decision. “There are a million reasons why he and I can’t be together and only one reason why we should. Just because I love him, doesn’t mean I can have him. I’m getting on that plane tomorrow, and you’re not stopping me.”

Meanwhile, Peter had stepped into an elevator with a man who looked incredible familiar on his way back to your floor. He had swung around the city to clear his head and now he was ready to talk to you. The man in the elevator looked visible upset and distraught, and Peter noticed no buttons had been pressed. That meant the man was just riding in the elevator with no place to go. Peter awkwardly stepped forward and pressed the key for the fourth floor. The man noticed it and smirked.

“You going to Y/n’s?” He asked with a wicked look in his eyes. Peter looked at the man in astonishment.

“Yeah. Actually. How’d you know?” Peter asked the stranger. The man looked like he had an idea brewing behind his dark brown eyes.

“I just got back from there. You’re Peter right?” The man asked. Peter was shocked again. He was almost positive he had never met the man.

“Yea. I am.” Peter said wearily. How did this guy know you?

“I’m Andy. Y/n’s ex-boyfriend.” Andy replied with a cocky smirk as he dropped the bomb on Peter. Peters heart fell. Why was he at Y/n’s apartment? Why was he in New York at all?

“Oh, you’re Andy? The guy that broke Y/n’s heart after belittling her for two years?” Peter asked in an innocent tone. He knew what he was doing and Andy seemed to sense it.

“Yea. That’s me.” Andy muttered, no longer feeling cocky. Peter smirked as they rode in silence for a moment.

“What brings you to New York? Y/n told me you moved to San Francisco.” Peter said, desperately wanting to know why Andy was anywhere near you. Peter knew you had forgiven Andy and befriended him, but that didn’t stop him from holding a vendetta against the guy. He broke your heart and he didn’t deserve to ever be in your presence.

“I came to visit her. She’s coming back to San Francisco soon but I missed her too much to wait.” Andy said, attempting to psych Peter out again. They both wanted you and didn’t want the other to have you.

“Right. For the wedding.” Peter said sharply.

“Oh, the weddings off. I actually came here to win Y/n back. And it went pretty well if I do say so myself. But she’s still coming back to San Francisco. Just not for the wedding. She’s moving back to be with me.” Andy lied. Peters heart completely stopped this time. His blood boiled in his body and he looked at Andy with a deadly glare, only just noticing the lipstick, your lipstick, on his lips. So it was true. He had kissed you and now you were moving back to San Francisco, thousands of miles away. Peter felt like there was no air left in the world. He couldn’t see straight at the thought of another man kissing, touching, loving his girl. Andy smirked at Peters reaction. Before Peter could say anything, the elevator doors opened. Peter got out and looked back at Andy with sad eyes. Andy gave him a wicked wave as the doors closed.

Peter slowly turned and walked back to his apartment. He looked at your door and felt tempted to knock. Even though you were the cause of his sadness, you were also the only one he wanted to comfort him. Peter decided against it and went inside. He could hear the sound of you packing your bags, the zippers of your suitcase clinking every now and then. Peter laid in bed with tears rolling down his face, desperately thinking of a way to win you back.

#peter parker x reader #peter parker x y/n #peter parker x you #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker imagine #peter parker x venom!reader #venom!reader #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #tom holland fluff #tom holland fanfiction #iron man

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peachycheol · 4 years

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| reliable |

© banner credit: thank you to the love of my life @suhdreams for making this banner for me 🥺💘 ➸ summary: when people say ‘not all men’, they’re actually right. kim mingyu, your best friend, would never disappoint you. especially not in the bedroom. ➸ genre: pwp 😌 ➸ pairing: best friend!mingyu x reader ➸ warning: dirty talk, slight dumbification, heavy petting, unprotected sex (pls use protection irl), cream pie, oral (fem. receiving), cum eating, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, yn is really horny? ➸ w.c: 3.2k ➸ tags: you can all thank @risquewonu for this <333

➸ author’s note: ahh, i’m sorry this took me so long! i didn’t mean to write this much, but what the smuth wants, the smuth gets. also, i want to thank you all for 100 followers! i’ll make a separate post to properly thank you all, but i am!!! baffled!!! i really appreciate the support ;u; love you guys!

If there are two things in this world that you are absolutely certain of, they are: 1) Men ain’t shit, and 2) with the exception of Kim Mingyu. Knowing this information doesn’t really benefit you in any way. You still go out on Tinder dates that leave you high and dry 15 minutes after taking you home. And Kim Mingyu is still your very platonic best friend, who seems to be reliable in every single way except perhaps in the one way you need most desperately.

But for all you know, he could be just like every other male in bed. He couldn’t be unbelievably handsome, the most thoughtful, caring person you know, and a sex god; it just wouldn’t be fair! No, it is much easier to convince yourself that Mingyu’s perfection only extended to being a best friend, if only for your peace of mind. Otherwise, you’d have to live with the possibility that the only person who can give you sweet release is the only one you’re technically not supposed to fuck.

For reasons that seem to become annoyingly hazy every time you lie down next to him on his bed, just as you are at this moment.

The two of you often end nights out like this, scrolling through one another’s TikTok’s until the wee hours of the morning, laughing loudly until his neighbors threaten to file a noise complaint. As someone who has claimed him as your best friend for three years, you know you’re supposed to be used to the smell of the musky cologne that clings onto his sheets and the feeling of his warm body as he leans closer to show you his For You Page. But lately, it seems harder and harder to fight off the warmth that pulses straight to your core whenever he does anything as simple as laugh, making you shiver when his breath tickles the side of your neck.

God, you just really need to get laid properly. You lick your dry lips and try to remind yourself that you have no idea if Mingyu would even be able to satisfy you. Though you do have to admit you couldn’t imagine any situation where the boy isn’t overly generous and eager to please-- No! Just watch the damn TikToks!

“Hey, you good?” Mingyu suddenly asks, nudging your side. “Why aren’t you laughing? ‘His package needs to come in the fe-mail’! That one’s gold!”

You let out a snort. Leave it to Mingyu to bring you back to reality with one line. Even when you don’t say a word, he knows exactly what you need in a moment, which in this case is a reminder that he’s your very dorky friend. “Shut up, that’s so stupid,” you say, but you can’t help but laugh along with him when it replays.

“Aha, you laughed though.” Satisfied with your response he scrolls down to a video of a girl smiling suggestively into the camera. She points to the caption that says ‘If all the boys that made me cum were in my room with me right now, I would…’ Suddenly, the camera pans and she looks at the screen tiredly. The caption now read as ‘Be alone. Men are trash’.

At this, you bust out with a howl of laughter, clutching at your stomach. It was kind of sad, but it was good to know you weren’t alone in this world. All the while, Mingyu stares at you with an eyebrow raised. Once you calm down, you meet his amused gaze. “What are you looking at?”

“You thought it was that funny, huh? It’s not even that accurate,” he says teasingly.

You roll your eyes. “Um, yeah it is. I’ve never met a man who could make me cum, and clearly many other people can relate. This video has 1.4k likes!”

Mingyu quickly puts his phone down and pouts. “Nu uh! Not all guys are that incompetent!”

“Men are such babies,” you sigh. “They are that incompetent! You know how many dates I went to last semester, right? Not one of them made me cum!”

“Okay, I told you before you even went on those dates that those guys weren’t worth your time.” Mingyu waves his hand dismissively. “For your information, I have made sure that all the ladies that I’ve taken to the bedroom had at least one orgasm. At least!”

“Mingyu, sweetie,” you coo, patting his cheek as if to comfort him. “They were all faking it, because they didn’t want to hurt your feelings.” Right? They all had to have faked it. You try to tell yourself this, try to reign in the last bit of sanity you have before your mind wanders off to anywhere inappropriate.

Your best friend now props himself up so that you could properly see the smirk plastered across his annoyingly chiseled features. “You’re so sure, huh? I bet I could make you cum multiple times. Easily.”

Your mouth falls open in shock. It isn’t uncommon for the two of you to taunt each other like this, but you have also never been in such a vulnerable mood. It’s the type of mood that has your heart racing impossibly fast, the type of mood that has your panties pathetically damp from just one sentence. You blink, trying to regain as much composure as you can. You know it’s too late, though; your imagination is already flashing through scenes of your deepest desires, all being fulfilled by the man in front of you. But Mingyu is only joking, so you do what you can to continue playing along and pretend like you don’t want him to just fuck you into the mattress until you were drooling into his sheets.

“I-I seriously doubt that!” you say, but there is no conviction in your voice. Clearing your throat, you try adding, “Dude, I’ve literally seen you fall down a flight of stairs when you were sober. And we were going up. Kinda hard to imagine that you’ll know how to fuck me to an orgasm when you can’t even walk right.”

Now you’re just lying through your teeth, but you want to hold off the inevitable moment that Mingyu discovers your apparent arousal for as long as possible. The last thing you need right now is for him to laugh in your face.

Mingyu chuckles, then suddenly shifts so that his arms are placed on either side of your head, trapping you underneath him. To his surprise, you do nothing to push him off like you usually do at this point. Still, he doesn’t plan on being the first to back off, so he continues his little game, intent on winning. “See, this is why you can’t find a guy who can satisfy you. You clearly don’t know what to look for.” He leans down until the tip of his nose grazes yours. For good measure, he drops his voice an octave and says, “You’ll be the one who can’t walk right when I’m done with you.”

Perplexingly, his shameless flirting doesn’t make you move as he predicted. Nor does it make you look annoyed. Instead, you look up at him with eyes that are unmistakably glazed over with something he didn’t quite expect to see: pure lust. It immediately sends a rush of blood down to his cock. He blinks. Oh. So this is where the night is going. He only falters for a moment, but he soon flashes a breathtaking smile down at you, his eyes glinting mischievously.

It isn’t like he’s never thought about it before; he had just assumed that once you started calling him your best friend, you were also lowkey telling him that sex was off the table. And it wasn’t like he minded, because he definitely liked being by your side knowing it was fully okay to be himself since you were obligated to love him regardless. Plus there was just something about you that made him want to take care of you and if being your best friend was the only way he could do it, then that had been fine by him. But now that he knows that he can take care of you in another way, in the way that he sometimes found himself yearning for on lonely nights, he is all too eager to break free of the unspoken boundaries between the two of you.

“And what am I looking for?” you whisper.

“It seems like you’re looking for me, baby,” he responds softly, before pressing a kiss where your jaw meets your neck. He slowly drags his lips down the side of your neck, and revels in how it already has you pressing your legs together. “Damn, you weren’t kidding when you said those guys didn’t make you cum, huh? Is that why you’re already so fucking worked up? You want to cum that badly?”

You nod wordlessly, not quite ready for Mingyu to hear the desperate whine that would surely leave your lips as he continues pressing wet kisses along your skin. You opt to simply thread your fingers in his hair and tug hard enough to show your impatience. It seems to trigger something in him; all in an instant, your best friend’s soft lips clash against your own, his tongue easily sliding into your mouth, all the while while his hand reaches down to grab one of your thighs. He squeezes it teasingly before pushing it outwards, which causes the mini skirt you’re wearing to bunch up around your waist, revealing your panties and how they cling to your pussy like a second skin.

“M-mingyu!” you squeak into his lips when you feel his fingers tentatively rub small circles into the wet spot. He nips at your lip harshly as he starts to rub more deliberately, the flimsy fabric of your underwear creating a delicious friction against your clit. “H-hah! Yes, o-oh my god!”

“Fuck, you’re already so wet for me, baby girl,” he chuckles, but he knows he isn’t one to talk while his cock is half hard just from hearing the way you moan his name. “Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of you. You’re not leaving this room until your little pussy cums nice and hard on my cock.”

“Ngh!-- yes p-please! Please, Mingyu,” you beg mindlessly. Your eyebrows are scrunched together in concentration. Despite your best friend’s promises, you are still hesitant to hold out any hope for anything more than what you’re accustomed to, so you try to take as much as you can while it lasts. However, in your lustful daze, you had forgotten that if Kim Mingyu is anything, he is a man of his word.

You let out a high-pitched moan when his fingers suddenly grind harsh circles into your clit, more surprised than anything else that he even knew where to find it. “But first,” he says, licking his lips, “you’re going to be a good girl and cum just like this. Right into your filthy little panties. Can you do that for me, baby?”

He takes your drawn out whine as a response, and continues to rub relentlessly over your hardened clit until your legs begin to shake. That’s when he shoves the soaked material of your underwear to the side and pinches the bud. Hard.

He rolls your clit between the pads of his fingertips over and over, sending jolts of electric pleasure all the way to your toes. It causes them to curl, all the while you feel the heat simmering in your lower abdomen finally coil tighter and tighter. “Fuckfuckfuck,” you chant, the words coming out slurred like you’re a teenager who’s gotten drunk from one sip of champagne. “M-mingyu-- mmh! I t-think I’m going to--!”

A loud cry leaves your lips the moment the coil snaps, and you nearly tear up from how much better it feels to finally cum on someone else’s fingers, especially Mingyu’s long, thick digits. He soothingly slides them through your drenched folds, mesmerized by how much wetness now covered his hand. “That’s it, baby,” he encourages. Once your body slumps back into the mattress, he brings his fingers up to see how they glisten in the light. “We’ve barely even started and look at what the mess you’ve already made. You must have been waiting so long for me to fuck you, huh?”

Not even your post-orgasm buzz can keep you from getting irked by Mingyu’s cockiness, which is why you reach your own hand down to squeeze his cock through his jeans. “Seems like I’m not the only one who’s been waiting for this,” you say with a sly grin of your own. He watches you, jaw clenched, as you swiftly pop the button of his pants open and slip your fingers past the waistband of his underwear to take hold of his fully hardened member.

It feels warm and heavy in your palm, which can barely wrap around the girth. You bite your lip, your pussy greedily clenching around nothing at the thought of how good it would stretch you out.

“I should have known you’d be a fucking tease,” Mingyu rasps. His hips buck into your hand involuntarily, and his smile returns when he notices how the movement makes you whimper in anticipation.

There is a beat of silence when you and Mingyu meet eyes before the both of you begin undressing each other as fast as you can, haphazardly tugging off both your shirts, his pants, and your pesky undergarments. Once he’s tossed aside your soiled panties, he immediately presses your thighs apart to get a full view of your sopping cunt. “So pretty,” he mumbles to himself, spreading the lips apart with his fingers. His member throbs at the sight, the tip leaking precum when he sees how your pussy clenches in anticipation. “I bet it’s going to look even prettier when it’s taking my fat cock, don’t you think?”

The two of you watch in awe as Mingyu starts to sink into your entrance, a garbled moan leaving your lips when the tip alone already has you feeling so full. “Mingyu, h-how is-- ooh!-- your d-dick soo-- f-fucking big? A-Ah!” It takes a good while for you to finish your sentence as each of Mingyu’s shallow thrusts leave you gasping for air. By the time he bottoms out, the both of you are panting hard, both engrossed by how snugly his cock fits in your walls.

“Shit, if I had known you’d be this tight, I would have fucked you sooner,” Mingyu groans. He slowly drags his member out of you, letting you feel every inch of him before he surges forward into a feverish pace that already has his bed frame creaking loudly. He is definitely getting a noise complaint from his grumpy neighbors tonight. But seeing you underneath him like this, lips parted and legs spread, definitely makes it difficult to care about anything other than the desire to hear more of your needy cries. “Does it feel good, baby girl? Do you like how my cock fills your little pussy?”

“It fuh--!--ngh, feels s-soo good,” Having already came once, your sensitivity is on overload, and each rough thrust of Mingyu’s hips, each crude slap of his skin against yours, is enough to drive you closer and closer to delirium. “Mmh-- please, Mingyu! F-fuck me so deep!”

“Anything for my little cockslut.” He moves quickly to kneel between your legs, hooking his arms underneath your knees to keep them open as he continues to pound into you. The new position instantly makes you keen loudly, eyes rolling to the back of your head when you feel his member brush against your cervix.

“Fuuuuck,” you sob and clutch at the sheets. His grip on your legs tightens and he angles his hips so that he hits that spot every time, rendering you completely incoherent. You want to beg him to fuck you like this forever, to tell him you’d do anything to feel his cock fuck you open every night, but you can only babble, unable to comprehend anything that isn’t the insatiable thirst burning within you.

“Damn baby, did I fuck you stupid?” Seeing you so drunk on his cock, he wonders how anyone could ever fuck you without wanting to see you cum over and over again. His hair falls over his eyes as he fucks up into you with renewed vigor, his hot skin covered in a light sheen of sweat. He grits his teeth when he feels how tightly your walls grip onto him.“Shit-- you must want me to make you cum again, baby girl. Your little pussy just keeps sucking me in.”

“H-hah, y-yes! Yes, please god, Mingyu, I want to c-cum again. P-please let me cum,” you beg, practically writhing as you pathetically attempt to meet his thrusts. Without any hesitation, Mingyu brings down his thumb and presses it into your swollen clit, causing your body to seize up suddenly. “A-Aah Mingyu! I’m--!” The intensity of your orgasm has your back arching off the mattress, head thrown back in a silent scream. Wave after wave of pleasure continuously washes over you, seemingly unending, unlike any orgasm you ever thought possible.

“That’s right baby girl, get my cock nice and wet,” Mingyu growls. He fucks you through your release as he sloppily chases his own, not too far behind with how your walls are pulsing around him. He makes sure his cock is deep inside you and stills his hips when fills you with his hot cum. “Fuck, this pussy was fucking made for me.”

Just as you think you’ve finally come down from your high, he pulls out of you and he shifts to lower himself to place his mouth on your spent pussy. “M-mingyu!”

You squirm and half-heartedly try to shove his head away, far too sensitive to have his tongue licking into your leaking entrance, but Mingyu is persistent. He pushes your legs to your chest to keep you from squeezing them close, and hums when he tastes the hot mixture of your and his own cum on his lips. The way he slurps and sucks at your folds is absolutely sinful as he eats you out like you’re the most delectable treat. It almost hurts to feel so much ecstasy at once, but it still leaves you mewling for more, unable to get enough of the boy.

Your third orgasm ripples over you when he suddenly scrapes his teeth over your abused clit, and you feel a tear slide down your cheek as you weakly shake against his mouth.

Mingyu is smiling when he pulls away, looking slightly ridiculous with how his lips still glisten with cum. You tiredly slump back into his pillows, eyes already drooping close. “What is it?”

“I told you I could do it~” he says proudly. He goes to grab some tissues from the bedside table so that he could start cleaning you up, giggling all the while. It really is unfair how he could look so cute moments after railing you into another dimension.

You groan. You’re never going to hear the end of this.

#seventeen smut #mingyu smut #seventeen scenarios #mingyu scenarios #mingyu fanfic #svt smut #m:kmg #l:os #g:pwp #listen tumblr it would be fantastic if this worked in the tags the first time #pretty pls

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yandere-sins · 3 years

Note

Hey~ been awhile but I jump back on every once in awhile to read up on your stuff ❤️ Was wondering if requests were open if I can have Daddyheroyandere!Deku scenario? His daughter and wife has finally managed to run away and is hiding out in alleys in the city but sadly gets caught by Husband and daddy lol I read the other one you had and LOVED it Scary smiles are my weakness

Hi! ♥ Hope you’ve been well, thanks for checking in on the blog :3 And thanks for requesting! Enjoy ^-^

»»———————— ♡ ————————««

There had been better times in the past.

The times where Midoriya had leaned onto his wife's legs, seated by her feet as she held their newborn baby, lulling it to sleep. The peaceful, serene times of family joy he went through with the two of them. He remembered every night he got up instead of his wife to calm their little daughter, the nights she crawled into their bed as a toddler because of a nightmare. The "Welcome back!" and "Bye Daddy!" when she started to speak, and the cuddles on the couch with his wife while they watched her unwrap presents on Christmas.

Midoriya had always kept those times in his mind as a reason to go on. As a reason to fight and protect what was his, and as a reason to act like he did, even if not everyone agreed it was the correct way. Sure, it had its ups and downs, but he prevailed through the difficult times and was rewarded with better ones. The world was bad, but he wasn't as bad as everything else was.

But even when all he ever did was give, give, give, the two most precious people in his world ended up corrupted after all. Midoriya blamed himself for not being more careful. It was his fault to a degree. He should have been more cautious and tried harder to save the two. His wife, his darling wife, always had trouble relying on him. She was a driving force in this matter, he was sure. But still! After years of being together, she should have known better than to run away, right? Especially taking their daughter with her down this grim path!

They were meant to be together! All of them were meant to be with each other! So why did they leave him behind? After everything he's done for them all their lives, why was it Midoriya they chose to abandon and suffer by himself? How was this fair?

There was noticeable panic in his voice as he called out their names times and times again. People rushed to his aid when they noticed a hero in trouble, but he waved them off with a fake smile, saying everything was under control, even though it clearly wasn't. At least, not his control.

Did the two even consider into what kind of light it would put him, a hero, that his wife and daughter ran away from him without any reason to? Did they stop even for a minute to think about what kind of impact they could have on his public image and their livelihood? It was also their mouths he was feeding, so why would they do something so rash?

The outside was cold, wet from the rain, and dark from the night falling over their heads. Midoriya searched the closest proximity of their home, but neither park nor neighbors could return to him what was his. Where could they have gone? he kept asking himself, body shaking with anxiety. What if they encountered a villain? An obstacle they couldn't handle themselves? What if they were crying and begging to be saved by their husband and father at that very moment? The thought alone made him want to rip out his throbbing heart, completely clouding his mind with worry.

Midoriya did the next best thing he could think of, approaching the still bustling city. If he couldn't find them here, he might have to call friends for help, unable to think of any other way. This ordeal began to drag out far too long, and with every second, he lost more and more of his sanity as he had to worry, fret, and despair about everything that went through his mind.

It was harder now to navigate, trying not to bump into someone on the pavement. He couldn't raise suspicion. No one could recognize him, so he pulled the hood of his jacket a bit deeper into his face. But no matter where he went, he kept losing focus, too desperate to find them. Here, in the middle of the city... it was loud, and yet, Midoriya couldn't hear anything. The noise formed into a mass and then faded out completely.

He came to a halt, feeling the heaviness of his legs, the worry slowing him down. Why did he deserve this? What did he ever do?

Slow, nagging thoughts reappeared in his mind. They teased him, harassed him even with their presence. Memories, long repressed and buried beneath the wonderful ones of his family, came back to him. Memories of violence and shouting, the constant fights with his wife, and the nights of terror they lived through. Chains, ropes, knives. Attacking, subduing, yelling. The constant fear lingering in their home before their daughter was born.

So maybe he did deserve it.

Maybe, this was his punishment now.

Midoriya looked up at the sky, wondering if some entity was punishing him. "What a joke," he chuckled. He was a hero. He fought all kinds of monsters on a daily. He was more of a god than anyone, and his purpose was to love and protect -especially his family - from evil. Getting blinded by the lights of the city, Midoriya closed his eyes, turning towards the alleyway to his right before he could open them again, the darkness there soothing to his nerves.

There, cowering, shivering, with their hands clasped over each other's mouth, they sat. His eyes widened, his pulse quickened, and his lips parted, but no word escaped him. He found them; he really found them!

"Got you," he hummed, a big smile forming on his lips, his grin wide enough to show teeth. "Let's go home, shall we?"

The forms of his partner and child began to shake more and more from fear as he approached, Midoriya kneeling down before them, his arms wide open to pull them into a hug. They were so cold, but they felt so good as they leaned in; no matter that, they couldn't stop flinching and shuddering as he hugged them tighter and tighter. They were so cold and afraid, and he was the only one to comfort them. "I know this was rough, but I am here now," he cooed to them as the first sobs broke from his wife's lips. "I will make everything right, so..."

Letting go of his wife, Midoriya pulled his daughter up into his arms, carrying her like she was only a toddler instead of a teenager. He held out one hand to his wife for her to hold on to, pulling her along after the two women shared a brief glance, and she hesitantly reached for the still merciful hand he offered. Just like a mother couldn't abandon her child, Midoriya couldn't abandon the both of them, even if now that he found them, he felt the seething rage burn on in his stomach. There was so much to shout at them for, to discipline and remind them.

But not tonight. Not when they needed Midoriya once more to bring them home and take care of them. "Let's go and make new memories to forget about this pitiful attempt, okay?"

It wasn't like he had broken a human before, one even enough to bear him a child.

He could do it again if he had to, just so he could keep this perfect little family of his.

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shoutoismybaby · 4 years

Text

Omega Shame Part 2

Part 1 / Part 3

Thank you guys for all your interest! It made me super happy to see so many people excited about my writing, so I hope you enjoy and stay tuned for the last part soon!

Warnings: Angst, depression, mentions of fighting (bc hero training)

***

The classroom didn't smell right. Not only was your serotonin inducing scent the class had gotten accustomed to in the past couple months missing, but a certain caramel smell had a hint of burnt rubber and ash to it. Despite some of the girls hearing commotion coming from your room, you didn’t answer their calls or knocks, so no one knew what was going on. The only knowledge the class had was that you weren’t in class and Bakugou was upset. Well, more upset than he usually was.

Even his best friends, whether or not he would admit that’s what they were to him, would earn growls and bared teeth if they got too close. Other than that though, Bakugou was generally unresponsive. Only caring when people got too close, but he didn’t respond when Aizawa called on him, or when the lunch bell rang. Only shoving the teachers hand off his shoulder when he came to check up on the blond.

Bakugou was just too caught up in his thoughts to really be aware of his surroundings as he followed his class aimlessly to the cafeteria.

Even though his body was in the P.E Training grounds, his brain was back in time to your dorm room. Back when your body began to tremble at the sight of him, the way salty tears rushed from your eyes when he started to speak. Your throat squeaking as you begged him to spare the nest you had constructed. It was beautifully made, if you had asked him. The way your soft blankets were woven together with your favorite weekend clothes, pillows being used to stable the walls. It looked incredibly comfortable.

Bakugou knew that Omegas could get upset if their nest was intruded without permission. But he also knew he was nowhere near your circular haven. Yet, you were crying, shaking, and begging.

It was then that it dawned on the hothead that you were scared of him. His omega was Terrified of him. It made his heart beat erratically, how could he make someone he cared about so scared of him? Especially his own omega. It was his job to keep you safe, to take care of you and make sure you were comfortable. You trusted him to fulfill this role, but you thought he was going to destroy your nest?

It made Bakugous’ buzz in confusion. It made no sense that you would be freaking out just because your alpha walked in your room.

Unless you weren't even his omega by choice. What if you just accepted his courting gift because you were afraid he would hurt you? He had been told multiple times throughout his life that he needed to stop being so aggressive, that he would scare omegas away, but he had always brushed those comments off. He had thought that he would find someone who liked him despite his anger, and he thought you were that person.

Clearly, though, you were too fearful of him to even reject his proposal. Your trembling body inside of your nest was undeniable proof of that. You were too scared to even tell him you were nesting, and if the sight was evidence enough you didn’t seem to have or want his scent anywhere close to your nest. He should have noticed it before. What kind of alpha scared those they were supposed to protect?

You probably just got off of your meds to make him happy too. You had made so many sacrifices to keep him happy, and the thought of that made his blood boil. He had been a terrible alpha to you. He had to end this, he couldn’t put you through anymore pain. His inner alpha cried at the thought of having hurt you.

His large hand moved towards his opposite wrist, gently shimmying the bracelet that sat on it off. It was your courting gift to him, since you insisted on making him something in return. It was simple, made of skillfully twisted threads in his hero costume colors. His heart had skipped a beat the moment you presented it to him, not that he would tell anyone that. Especially not now, not when all the memories he shared with you were put into perspective.

He remembered how it felt as though the threads burnt his skin on its way past. How it dragged his heart down with it as it fell to the floor. Since then, he felt numb to the outside world. It didn’t matter how many times Kirishima tried to get him involved in their 1-1 match, he mostly just stood there, letting his instincts do the bare minimum to protect his body.

“Come on man!” His body dodged another hit just enough before slacking again, causing the redheaded alpha to growl. “You’re not responding to anything and you smell, honestly bad bro. What’s going on with you!?”

The only thing “going on” in Katsuki’s brain was replaying the pain in your eyes over and over. Replaying how you were scared, no, terrified of the person who was supposed to protect you. His omega wasn’t his omega anymore, and his alpha felt broken. He felt alone.

He could only focus on how he failed to do his basic duties. How he failed you. Everyone had been right when they critiqued his anger. He was too aggressive to deserve an Omega. Clearly he couldn’t treat one right no matter how much their smile made serotonin speed through his brain. If he couldn’t protect you from himself it was ridiculous to think he would do anything but fuck up protecting Japan from villains. He was a terrible alpha who couldn’t even treat an Omega properly, so what was the point? He wasn’t even good at his innate purpose.

By now Kirishima was getting desperate. All day his best friend had been growing more and more despondent, and he was scared for what that meant. He just needed Bakugou to talk to him, Kirishima wanted to be reassured that he was okay. And he had an idea of how to pull Bakugou back into the present, even if he didn’t like it.

“I don’t want to do this but, I’m really worried about you. Bakugou is this about (Y/n)?” The blondes alpha perked up at the mention of your name, drawing Bakugou’s head up with it.

“The girls said something happened in (Y/n)’s room last night and,” He hesitated, ruby eyes falling to Bakugou's large wrists. “You’re not wearing the courting bracelet she made for you anymore”

His words caused a whimper to leave Katsukis throat. Kirishima had no idea what kind of pain that reminder brought to Bakugou, but he could guess. The way the blonds hands clenched and brows furrowed made Kirishima's heart drop, he hated bringing up things that could hurt Katsuki. But he could only fix the problem if he knew what was wrong, and for that he needed Bakugou to talk to him.

“Did, did you guys break up?” Kirishima kept his distance, afraid of what Bakugou would do once he snapped out of his trance. But all Bakugou did was begin to shake, blinking furiously as he became aware of his surroundings once again along with the hot tears that flooded his eyes. Kirishima ran towards his friend then, placing a hand on the other alphas shoulder in a hope to be any bit comforting without overwhelming his friend. He analyzed the way Bakugous nose scrunched, causing his large canines to show as the first sob burst out of his trembling frame. It was so powerful that the blond lost his balance, falling into the stunned redheads arms. Face tucked into his friends chest, shielded from the attention his sobs were bringing from his entire class.

“Bakugou…” Kirishima ran his hands up and down Bakugous back gently feeling the way the blond fisted his shirt in desperation, “What happened? You can tell me.”

“I’m a terrible alpha,” Bakugous voice was shaky and Kirishima almost felt guilty at how relieved he was to hear it. “No you’re not man, wha-” “Yes I am!” Bakugous voice reached the same volume as his sobs that interrupted his speech. “She thought that I was going to destroy her nest, she was scared of me. I was supposed to defend her when really I’m the one she wanted protection from.”

Krishima didn’t know how to respond to what his friend said. Eyes too wide in confusion as he looked towards his teacher for answers. You had always been absolutely smitten with Bakugou, just his presence in the room made it seem like you radiated love and positivity. It didn’t seem that Bakugou needed any further encouragement to continue though, as his next statement sent ice down the spines of the whole class.

“I failed as an alpha… I don’t want to be alive anymore.” All Bakugou wanted to do in that moment was curl up and die. He didn’t have a purpose anymore, so he didn’t see the point of existing. It was then that his body seemed to shut back down in order to conserve energy, he began to slack in Kirishima's arms leaving him sitting on the ground despite the redheads' many protests. The revelation of how his best friend felt bringing tears to his own eyes, and a recognition to his teachers.

“Aizawa, what's happening to Bakugou?” Kirishima asked, struggling to hold himself together as he knelt in front of his friend. Bakugou’s eyes seemed more void of life than ever as he stared aimlessly at Kirishima's shirt.

“Someone call Recovery Girl, I fear that Bakugou has developed an Alpha depression.”

***

Tag List:

@pasteldana-blog @fandomtrash1616 @cyntinaaa @my-neighbor-todoro @anime-weeb-bnha @professionalreblogs @thenerdyrebel @weeb-reading-trash @procrastinatingmurder @myherotrashbin @spicyfoodboi @tspice283 @inumorph @rubyreds-stuff @mscarterakaviola98 @arcticsakura

#bnha x reader #mha x reader #bnha omegaverse #bakugou katsuki x reader #alpha bakugou x reader #bakugou x reader #mha omegaverse

1K notes · View notes

rhysismydaddy · 3 years

Note

Can you add me to the damnation tag list please? Thank you!! Also if you’re taking prompts: the song partition by Beyoncé, specifically the line “took 45 minutes to get all dressed up / and we ain’t even gonna make it to this club” for nessian or rowaelin

Rowan pulled at the collar of his shirt, frowning. He was already hot, and they weren’t even at the goddamn club. Hell, they hadn’t even left yet.

He was sitting in the car waiting for his wife, scrolling through his email and trying to resist the urge to back inside and throttle her. "Five minutes" his ass.

Even though he was irritated, he was used to this behavior. So was their driver, Ricky. When he'd told the stout man Aelin said she was almost ready, he'd just given Rowan a knowing smile, pulled out the newspaper, and rolled up the divider to give him some privacy.

Something he was very grateful for when, twenty minutes after she'd said she'd be ready, Aelin opened the back door and slid onto the seat across from him.

The phone fell from his hands, emails suddenly the last thing on his mind, as he took her in all the way from her curly blonde hair to her painted red toenails.

"What... what are you wearing?" he asked, voice embarrassingly raspy.

“A dress,” she replied simply, knocking on the divider between them and the driver to signal they were finally ready.

He scowled, because duh, but he’d never seen anything like what she was wearing.

First of all, it was fucking sheer.

Thin layers of black tulle wrapped around her frame, creating a see-through illusion that was messing with his mind. He guessed she was technically covered, but not enough he couldn’t see the outline of her high-cut black panties and bra. A lot of skin was showing.

Skin everyone in the club she was dragging him to would see.

“Aelin.”

“Mmm?”

“How many people are you trying to make me kill tonight?”

He wasn't a necessarily territorial man--at least he didn't think so. And the logical part of his brain told him that his wife loved him. He had nothing to worry about.

The not-so-logical part told him to not let her out of the car. Or to start cracking skulls.

His eyes finally figured out how to move off her breasts and as he looked at her face, she smiled at him knowingly. “I don’t know what you mean.”

Rowan growled, trying to discretely shift himself in his pants.

She noticed, of course, and her grin grew. “Rowan, get it together. If you can’t even make a twenty minute car ride, how are you going to deal with me dancing on you tonight?”

“I’m not,” he gruffed, looking at her innocent little nose. “I’m going to stand at the bar and glare at anyone who tries to get close to you.”

She tilted her head, considering this. “I don’t think so. I want to dance with you."

"Then you should've worn something less... tempting."

"Tempting?" Aelin asked, pulling her bottom lip through her teeth slowly. "What do you mean?"

"Stop acting innocent. You wear a dress like that, and you're going to get my attention."

She leaned back, hips sliding down the seat and thighs falling open.

Skulls. Cracking.

"What are you tempted to do?"

It was a breathy whisper, one that told him she was just as hot and bothered as him.

Leaning forward, he braced his elbows on his knees and his hands on hers, edging her thighs open a little further. Running his thumbs across her soft skin, he grinned when he felt it pebble and her breathing grow shallow.

"Currently," he began, running his hands down her calves, back over her knees, up her thighs. "I'm tempted to get on my knees before you and worship you. You look like a goddess, Fireheart."

She grinned, opening her mouth to respond, but he brought a hand up and brushed a finger down that bright red lip. "And then I'm tempted to fuck your mouth for messing with me in the first place."

Her lips parted, drawing his thumb inside her mouth, and he almost came at the sinful lap of her tongue. He pushed it deeper, eyes drifting closed when she moaned.

"But, you've been waiting for this opening for a while," he said, acting unaffected despite the tent in his pants and sitting back. "And you've obviously spent a while getting ready. I can wait."

She made an angry, frustrated sound and flung herself on him, somehow ending up on his lap, her knees by his hips. "I lied," she breathed, pushing herself down against him. "There isn't a club opening tonight. It opened last week, and I went with Lysandra. I just wanted-"

He knew what she wanted. And like always, he gave it to her.

A hand on the back of her neck pulled her mouth to his, and Rowan kissed her desperately, deep and searching and thorough. He met her tongue with his, sucked on her lips, kissed her the way he would if he got between her thighs. If the way she was moving on him was any indication, she knew exactly what he was doing and was enjoying it.

His hands pushed up the thin material, and then he was gripping her ass, growling at the fact that she'd been about to wear this in public.

"I'm going to kill the neighbors," he told her, realizing they might have seen her walk to the car.

"Okay," she agreed, tilting her head back as Rowan kissed her neck. "I hate them anyway."

He was too hard, too desperate to be amused.

The desperation led to him ripping her panties off, something he knew she'd give him shit for later. But it seemed she was too far gone to care much, especially as he slipped two fingers up her thigh and pushed them into her. She sucked in a sharp breath, eyes drifting closed and head falling back.

He groaned at how tight and wet she was, clenching his jaw. The way she moved her hips gave him just enough friction that he couldn't think, and he fucked her harder with his fingers in retaliation.

His thumb drew small, quick circles on the bundle of nerves at the apex of her thighs, clenching his jaw and going faster when she tightened around him.

"Ro, I'm going to-"

She cut herself off and released a curse that would make even the most seasoned sailor blush as the car slowed to a stop, making him chuckle.

Aelin leaned over and slapped the intercom button to connect them to the driver. Right as she opened her mouth to speak, Rowan curled his fingers and pushed his thumb against her clit in a way he knew would drive her wild. She gasped, trying to hide it under a cough. "Um, fuck, just- just drive around, Ricky!"

The amused response came through a second later. "Of course, ma'am."

He likely knew exactly what they were doing back here, but Rowan didn't have half a mind to care.

As the car started moving again, Aelin sat back up and slapped his chest. "You're such an asshole."

He made another circle with his thumb. "Am I?"

She trembled, shaking her head, and he gave her a slow smile.

One hand buried between her thighs, he used the other to tug down the front of her dress and bra. His mouth came to her breast, and he swirled his tongue around her nipple in time with the movements of his thumb.

Aelin groaned loudly, fingers digging into his shoulders and hips churning sloppily.

"That's it," he encouraged, tugging on her nipple with his teeth. "Ride my hand, Fireheart."

He knew she was getting close from the way she tightened around his fingers, so he released her breasts and licked a line up the column of her throat. Her head was thrown back, giving him plenty of access, and he made use of it, sucking and licking and biting at her skin until he knew he'd leave a mark.

She cried out as she came, loud enough he hoped Ricky had a serious hearing problem.

Her legs shook and she trembled, but he kept going until she stilled and collapsed into his chest. Then he pulled them out and licked them clean, eyes rolling back at the taste of her.

After three years of marriage, she was still the hottest thing he'd ever seen.

Not that he was surprised--she constantly did things like this that made him burn hotter and hotter for her as the years went by.

Apparently, the sentiment was requited, because before he knew what she was doing, his wife slid to her knees before him and flicked open his belt.

She met his eyes as she freed him, running a finger slowly down the length of him.

"Aelin," he warned, not in the mood to be teased. Normally, he'd sit there all day and let her fool around, but he wanted her--needed her--now.

She rolled her eyes, but gave him what he needed, leaning down to put her mouth on him.

A muttered "fuck" fell off his lips, his hips bucking slightly at the sudden sensation.

Her hands were running over his thighs and up his abs, like she relished the feel of him as much he did her.

Pulling back, she hollowed her cheeks and circled her tongue around his tip. Rowan's hands were fists at his sides and his jaw was clenched tight. She's been down there for ten seconds, he reminded himself, trying not to be a chump.

Except it felt too goddamn good.

She knew exactly what he liked, and she gave it to him so fucking well he could do nothing but sit there and try not to act like a wild animal.

His hands found their way into her hair, holding it back to give him an unobstructed view.

Her full lips enveloped him, staining his cock red, and he almost came at the sight.

"Look at me," he rasped, groaning when she opened her eyes to meet his. "Fucking hell."

Those eyes undid him, and he didn't care if it made him a chump or not.

"I'm close," he warned her, pulling out a little.

But she was having none of that and dipped her head to take all of him again.

With another muffled curse, release found him, and if there was ever any doubt as to if she was the perfect woman for him, it was gone the second she moaned as he came down her throat.

His head hit the seat behind him as he breathed and breathed and tried to not pass out.

Sitting up on her knees, Aelin licked her lips and looked him over slowly.

Rowan tucked himself back into his trousers, then grabbed her arms and pulled her up onto his lap. He tucked her into him, fixing her clothes as best he could. She'd definitely have to wear his jacket when she got out, considering he'd torn her underwear off, but that was a problem for later.

He kissed her brow, smiling. "Happy anniversary, Fireheart."

Her head tilted back, those eyes meeting his again. "Happy anniversary, Buzzard."

111 notes · View notes

gohyuck · 4 years

Text

pairing: best friend!mark x reader; some neighbor!jaemin x reader

genre: university!au, angst, slight smut

word count: 4.7k

warnings: unrequited love ft. oblivious mark, sex that ends in crying, general heartbreak because what else would it be

playlist recs: heather - conan gray, cayendo - frank ocean, i found - amber run, fools - troye sivan, from here - kafka tamura, drive safe - rich brian

I still remember Third of December Me in your sweater You said it looked better On me, than it did you Only if you knew How much I liked you

“I fucking hate frats,” You grumble, dabbing furiously at the front of your shirt with a crumpled napkin. There’s red - remnants of what you think must be jungle juice - scattered across the yellow cloth of your top, and you just know it’ll remain stained for eternity. “This cost, like, ten bucks at Walmart! I don’t have that kind of money to throw away, you know.”

“That’s just an hour’s worth of wages from the bookstore.” Mark, your best friend, points out, handing you another napkin when you exhaust the one in your hand. There’s mirth in his eyes and the threat of a laugh underlying his tone, but the warning glare you throw at him has him putting his hands up in surrender instead of making fun of you.

“God,” It’s only when someone pushes past you, opening the door behind you to get inside the cursed party house you’d been so quick to rush out of, that you realize just how cold it is outside. The warmth emanating from the inside of the house you feel against your back is short-lived as the door slams shut, but the damage is done: you’re already hyper-aware of what you don’t have. “God, it’s freezing, what the hell?”

“This is literally an end-of-semester party,” Mark, ever perspicacious, points out, adding insult to your injury without a second thought. “It’s early December. Be glad it isn’t snowing.”

“I’m in a t-shirt,” You only whine in response, ignoring everything your friend has said. The night hasn’t gone your way, and if Mark wasn’t here with you you wouldn’t have come at all. Unluckily for you, Mark Lee is popular amongst fraternity circles on account of being Jaehyun Jung’s hometown neighbor and friend, so you find yourself attending parties intermittently. If you could say no to Mark, maybe you wouldn’t smell vaguely of vodka and artificially flavored fruit punch right now.

“I’m in a t-shirt,” You repeat, ignoring any and all thoughts of your best friend you’re having, as always. “And it’s wet which is making me even colder. I hate it here.”

Mark only rolls his eyes, though you’re surprised to see him shrug off his windbreaker before pulling his black sweater over his head to reveal a thin white shirt. He hands it to you wordlessly before pulling his jacket back on and zipping it up, and when you only stare at the piece of clothing he’s given you, he has the audacity to laugh.

“I’m tired of your complaining,” He explains when your gaze meets his, though he jovially knocks his shoulder against yours when your eyes narrow momentarily. “And besides, you always look better in it than I do. Before you ask, I’m not cold anyways, so it’s all good.”

You don’t miss the comment about you looking better in it than he does. For a moment, just a moment before you pull the proverbial wool over your eyes and black polyester over your head, you imagine that he actually means it. He does let you borrow it an awful lot, after all: it’s in your dresser half as often as it’s in his.

“I wasn’t going to ask,” You huff out a lie, putting an arm through before pulling the rest of the sweater on. You’re immediately met with Mark’s cologne, and you pull his sleeves over your hands into sweater paws on habit. His clothes are always just a little long on you. “You’re like a human furnace.”

“Whatever dude,” Mark rolls his eyes again, though there’s fondness evident in them. “Come on - I’ll walk you back to your place.” He loops his arm through yours in a way you’ve gotten dangerously used to, dragging you away from the Nu Kappa Theta house.

He keeps his word, leaving you right in front of your door. When you go to take off his sweater, he stops you, telling you that there’s no rush to get it back to him. A quick hug and a short goodbye later, Mark is walking down the hallway, hands shoved into his jeans’ pockets. You watch as he gets to the stairwell, so desperately wanting him to turn back.

He doesn’t. Of course he doesn’t - you aren’t Heather. You fall asleep in his sweater hours later, still drowning in his cologne. Come morning, you fold it neatly and place it in the bottom drawer of your dresser, out of sight and out of mind.

But I watch your eyes, as she walks by What a sight for sore eyes Brighter than a blue sky She's got you mesmerized While I die

You still remember the first time you’d seen her. It was mundane, really - she’d sat next to you during your first Computing class of the semester, and you’d introduced yourself to her and found her to be a sweet girl, the kind of girl people like being around. There wasn’t anything past that - the two of you went on with your lives, sometimes making idle conversation in class. You hadn’t thought much of your meeting with her until later.

Far more importantly, frankly, you remember the first time Mark had seen her, even if he doesn’t remember it himself. You’d been lounging under a tree, Mark’s back against the bark while you had your head in his lap. He’d been rambling on and on about something Donghyuck had said during their intramural dance team’s practice when he’d stopped speaking mid-sentence, forcing you to turn your head to see where his eyes were leading him.

Heather, in a pleated skirt and a beige sweater over a pristine white button down. She’d looked positively radiant while standing in the grass and laughing with friends, the sun shining brightly directly behind her. Mark, feeling your eyes looking up at his slack-jawed expression, had unfrozen eventually, raising a hand to scratch at the nape of his neck out of embarrassment. He’d been about to launch back into his story - this time likely punctuated by glances over at the other girl - when you’d interrupted him before he could begin.

“Her name’s Heather,” You’d told him, mentally kicking yourself even as you spoke. Who tells the love of their life the name of someone they’re obviously ogling? You hate the value you place on your friendship with Mark almost as much as you hate the fact that you’re in love with him. “She’s in one of my classes. She’s really nice, if you’re into that.”

“Of course I am,” Mark had muttered then, ears burning red. “Why wouldn’t I be into nice people?”

“You spend all your time hanging with me and Hyuck.” You’d pointed out, reaching a hand up to poke at his chin. He’d flicked your fingers away from him, though he’d immediately grabbed your hand right after, holding it tight for a moment on impulse and as if to show you he’d never really hurt you.

You’d wished the constant Mark-inflicted ache you’d felt - feel, still - was physical.

“You’re nice, dude,” Mark had insisted then, finally looking down at you. You’d felt suddenly insecure then, realizing that the angle you were at wasn’t the most flattering. There was no way you could compete to Heather, not with your disheveled hair and eyes that pierced through Mark like arrows. You’d wrapped your arms around yourself in insecurity and Mark had thought nothing of it, only continuing to speak. “You’re nice enough, at least, when you aren’t kicking my ass. Hyuck is… a thought best left for another day.”

You’d laughed then, and Mark had responded in kind. The rest of your break between classes had been spent like that: talking and laughing with your favorite person, irreplaceable by all accounts.

If he hadn’t chanced glances at Heather throughout it, you might’ve been able to consider that he found you irreplaceable in the same way you found him.

Mark hadn’t been subtle then.

He isn’t subtle now.

Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half, as pretty You gave her your sweater It's just polyester, but you like her better Wish I were Heather

Mark asks for the sweater back the day before you leave for winter break. Your flatmate is staying back - has research to work on through Christmas - so you’re free to visit your parents back home, and although you dread all the questions you’ll be asked, you can’t help but feel the slightest bit excited.

“I’ll drop by and pick it up before I head out, then,” Mark says, voice still warm as ever even as the phone makes him sound the slightest bit tinny. “What time is good for you?”

“I’ll be at the bus stop by 5,” You respond, phone between your shoulder and your ear and heart between your mouth and your chest as you pull his polyester sweater out of your dryer. “Come by any time before then.”

He drops past your place a little before 4, eyes sparkling when he tells you that Heather only lives about a half an hour away from him, so he’s taking her with him on his drive home. You muster the brightest smile you can when you tell him how wonderful that is, all while handing back the sweater that smells like your own detergent for now but you’re sure will soon smell like Heather’s perfume.

A week after seeing Heather for the first time, Mark had, by chance, joined your university’s Literature Club, not knowing that the girl who’d stolen his breath was a member. He’d had the same sparkle in his eyes when he’d regaled his first conversation with her to you, talking for ages about her opinions on The Picture of Dorian Gray and Slaughterhouse-Five. They’d clicked immediately, in his words. Two fitting puzzle pieces.

You’d bawled like a baby into your flatmate’s arms once your best friend had left your apartment that night, feeling entitled to the tears after so many hours of half real (you truly were happy for him) and half fake (you truly were sad for yourself) smiles.

It’s been three months since then. Heather and Mark aren’t dating just yet, but they’re an inevitability. You remind yourself of that after Mark leaves, sweater in hand and a promise to text you once he gets home sliding off his tongue.

He messages you a picture - a selfie of him and a smiling Heather - five hours later, a ‘we’re home safe!’ text accompanying it. It isn’t a surprise to you that she’s wearing the black polyester sweater in the photo, but it still stings nonetheless.

Mark had said you look better in the sweater than he does. Heather looks far better in it than you do.

When you reach your own home, you’re not alarmed to see Jaemin, your next-door neighbor who’s home from his own school for break, sitting at your kitchen counter and eating grapes out of a plastic bowl. His parents and your parents are great friends, and you’ve always gotten along fairly well with him. His hair is dyed a light blue, gelled back slightly to show his forehead, and he smiles the same cheeky smile he’s had since his sophomore year of high school at you. Jaemin’s always been breathtakingly handsome, always been as good looking as he is just good. He’d been a decent friend to you when you’d lived here, close enough to tell secrets to but not so close that he’d reveal them to anyone.

Jaemin had been your first kiss way back when, had been your first time barely after that, and you allow yourself to see the purely sexual tension that still exists between the two of you. You feel nothing but friendship - maybe just acquaintanceship - for him, and he for you. It’s perfect.

When both sets of parents go out for dinner, unable to drag the two of you out with them, you pull Jaemin up the stairs to your childhood bedroom to ride him frantically as if you’ll never feel this good again. He coaxes not one but two orgasms from you, cool hands roaming your body and nails raking gently over your thighs. Jaemin fucks up into you when you can’t move any longer, when your thighs shake from overwork, and he doesn’t complain, not once.

He pulls you down to him, bites your shoulder hard when he cums, spilling into the condom he’d managed to get on in the rush to be inside of you. When you don’t pull off of him afterwards, instead only beginning to sob quietly into his shoulder, he’s kind enough to run his hands over the span of your back to soothe you.

“That bad, huh?” He jokes, not letting you go. His hands are warm now. You shake your head adamantly even as you know he’s kidding before muttering a ‘it’s not you, it’s Mark’ into his skin.

“Did you just ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ me?” Jaemin questions, this time more confused than anything. You shake your head again, your tears glistening against his collarbone as you pull away enough to look him in the eyes.

“Mark. It’s Mark,” You say, swallowing the lump in your throat. You’ve never voiced it aloud before - that it’s Mark. That it might just always be Mark. Jaemin’s okay, though - Jaemin won’t tell. How could he? He doesn’t even know Mark.

Your childhood neighbor stares at you, though not unkindly, for a long moment before nodding slowly in understanding and pulling you into his chest once more for a tight embrace. He doesn’t ask any questions - you assume he just gets it.

Jaemin manages to finger you to one more climax like that, with you curled up in his lap and your head against his chest. He murmurs sweet nothings that really mean nothing into your ear as he does, and you find that you could get used to this. You won’t, but you could. When you cum again, you only whimper and moan, incapable of forming words.

Mark’s name is on the tip of your tongue, and even though Jaemin would understand if you say it, you don’t. You can’t tempt yourself with a reality that isn’t available for you. It would be too cruel.

By the time your parents and Jaemin’s parents get back home, you’re wearing a sweatshirt you hadn’t been wearing earlier, mainly to hide Jaemin’s bite mark. You hug your neighbor goodbye, and he whispers a ‘it’ll be okay’ into your neck before pulling away, giving you a soft version of his devilish grin and waving before leaving with his mom and dad.

Maybe it will be okay someday, but for now, God, how you wish you were Heather.

You only text Mark back right before you go to bed, a quick ‘damn, guess i’ll have to hire a better hitman next time. for you, not for heather, she’s lovely’ before you rest. Is she at his house, her head against his chest as they talk about books or movies or whatever they talk about? Or is she on her way home right now, wishing for more time with Mark?

Your sleep is dreamless that night, despite the thoughts of Mark and Heather, Heather and Mark that run through your mind constantly. It’s the one stroke of luck you have.

Watch as she stands with Her holding your hand Put your arm 'round her shoulder Now I'm getting colder

You sleep with Jaemin intermittently during your break, finding quite quickly that he’s very willing to solely be a receptacle of your pent-up urges catalyzing. It’s hard to have sex with people at school because you’re always aware that Mark could be waiting at your apartment with food when you get back, or that he could be texting you while you’re getting laid. With Jaemin, you can truly push Mark out of your mind, if only just for a moment.

It’s good that you find a momentary respite in your childhood neighbor, because once you’re back on campus, it feels like the universe is purposefully tugging your stars out of their alignments just to torture you.

The weather still leaves much to desire, and although it isn’t as cold as it had been in December, you still carry a hoodie around with you wherever you go. They’re easy to pull over long-sleeved shirts and sweaters; after all, Heather’s always pulling Mark’s favorite forest green hoodie over the familiar black sweater that she wears.

Before, it had just been you, Mark, and occasionally Hyuck getting together and hanging out. At restaurants, you and Mark would sit on the same side, sharing appetizers while Hyuck actively guarded his food from your roaming hands. Now, when you go out to eat, you sit beside Donghyuck, Heather right across from you with her perfect smile and kind eyes while Mark sits right beside her, leaning back with his arm thrown over the booth behind her easily.

She’s genuine: when she asks about your hobbies, your likes, your dislikes, she truly wants to know. It’s good of her: after all, you’re one of the most important people in Mark’s life. You figure she must know that, the closer she gets to your best friend, the closer she should get to you.

You appreciate it. You also hate it.

When Heather gets up mid-lunch to go to the bathroom, parting from the three of you for the moment with a dazzling grin and an airy laugh that makes Mark visibly redden, the boy she’s wooing turns to you and your other friend, eyes full of hope. Donghyuck arches an eyebrow even as he knows what the other man is about to say.

“Man, isn’t she literally the best? There’s something between us, right? I should ask her out?” Mark’s running a hand through his hair as he speaks, a nervous habit he’s had the whole time you’ve known him (freshman year Intro to Film, he’d spilled his cold coffee all over you and panic-offered you his black sweater to wear as a cover-up and, the rest, as they say, is history).

“She’s on the higher end of the cool spectrum, yes there’s something, and it’s your life, dude, I can’t tell you who to date or not date.” Donghyuck responds before you can, and you catch him darting his eyes over at you in mild concern as he speaks. You haven’t told him about how you feel about Mark, but you’re sure he’s known for some time. He’s nothing if not deductive.

Mark rolls his eyes, mutters something about Hyuck always being the bare minimum amount of helpful, and then looks you directly in your eyes, waiting for your verdict. In that moment you know that he’ll seriously consider whatever you say, that if you don’t like Heather, he’ll do his best to dislike her too. Friendship above all else.

The word friendship leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, even if you value it so highly.

“Ask her out,” You finally say, the corners of your mouth quirking up together. The smile you wear doesn’t reach your eyes, but Mark’s too elated to notice. Under the table, Hyuck gently rests a warm hand against your knee for a split second, a show of ‘I’m here’ that you’re grateful for.

Before you can continue speaking - what would you even say? - Heather is sliding back into her seat, back from the bathroom. You can’t very well talk about her while she’s there, so you close your mouth inconspicuously, watching as Mark puts his arm around her shoulders rather than against the booth this time, pulling her just a little closer to his side.

You’re wearing two layers of clothing, but the air suddenly feels freezing. Donghyuck casually hands you a fry off his own plate, not keeping his food all to himself for the first time ever.

You accept it, even though it’s cold by now. Bleakness added upon bleakness changes nothing.

But how could I hate her? She's such an angel But then again, kinda Wish she were dead, as she Walks by What a sight for sore eyes Brighter than a blue sky She's got you mesmerized While I die

He asks Heather out a week later with a bouquet of flowers you help him pick our just hours before his trek to her apartment. Donghyuck comes over the night of your florist trip - your flatmate had left for a trip the night earlier, leaving you a tub of ice cream and a pile of 80s movies as a placeholder for human comfort - and holds you for hours, not saying anything as you sob through The Breakfast Club and Ferris Bueller’s Day Off and Stand & Deliver.

“I w- I wish she didn’t exist,” You hiccup into your friend’s shirt as he rests his chin on top of your head. “And then I feel awful because she’s just so nice. She’s always so nice. He likes her because she’s so nice.”

“It hurts worse when they’re nice, especially when you’re also nice,” He murmurs into your hair, pulling you closer into his chest. “Because then you can’t plot ways to get revenge without ending up being the asshole.”

“The jilted ex,” You agree, though it only causes you to cry harder. “Except I’m - I’m not even an ex.”

“Someday, you’ll be glad that you aren’t one of his exes.” Donghyuck assures you, and you know he’s right so you say nothing else, only wrapping your arms tighter around him. The healing process for your heartbreak starts then, as you stain your friend’s thin shirt with your tears and he rubs soothing circles into your back. Your heart might just sew itself back together.

The single stitch holding the halves of your heart together rips easily when Mark brings breakfast to your doorstep the next morning, obvious hickies dotting his collarbone once he pulls off his white pullover. The sight alone makes you feel like your lungs are airless and will forever remain so, and you realize that you’ll have to start healing all over again.

Still, you welcome your best friend into your apartment for breakfast like you do every Sunday morning, right before he goes to Church. Mark’s bought bagels today, from the café at the end of the block, and once he’s prayed like he always does before eating he spreads strawberry cream cheese all over one half of his bagel while talking about how well his ask had gone and thanking you for your floral expertise.

“I just thought they looked pretty,” You shrug, mentally begging for him to stop relating you to any aspect of his relationship. “No need to thank me.”

“I’ll always thank you, dude,” Mark says with ease, licking cream cheese off of his thumb. “You’re my best friend.” With this, he finishes off his breakfast, stands up from his chair at your breakfast nook, and wears his pullover again.

“Gotta pick Heather up, she said she wants to come to Church with me,” Mark says, and your heart twinges at how quickly she’s been introduced to the more intimate aspects of his life. You say nothing, only smile and nod, and Mark thinks nothing of it. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“We literally have a class together.” You scoff, doing your best to banter with Mark like you always do. He rolls his eyes at your statement, though his grin never falls from his lips.

“I’ll see you,” Is all he says, before leaning in and pressing a chaste kiss to your cheek. He’s halfway out your door before he turns back - turns back like you’d always wished for him to - and calls your name.

“Yes?”

“You really did do me a favor by helping me with the flowers,” Mark says, giving you the most grateful smile you’ve ever witnessed. “She said the bouquet had all her favorites. I don’t know how you do it. You’re a lifesaver. Love you!”

With that, he’s out the door, and you can only watch as it slams shut behind him, trapping in his last two words as they curl around you like currents, pushing you deeper into the water that’s drowning you. It’s platonic, of course it is, it always has been. Still, you believe that if you never hear those two words together again, you might be all the better.

The bouquet had all of your favorites, too.

You need to stop wishing you were Heather.

Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half, as pretty You gave her your sweater It's just polyester, but you like her better I wish I were Heather Wish I were Heather Wish I were Heather

It’s a little less than three months later when you’re out shopping by yourself at the local mall, in desperate need for some winter clothes before the next year’s winter starts. Everything’s on sale now, and you’re not one to pay extra money for no reason at all. You’re sitting through a rack of jackets when your phone vibrates, and you fish it out of your pocket to find that Mark has texted you four images, accompanied with a message asking ‘which one should I post O.o’.

They’re all of Heather in that black polyester sweater - the one you used to wear often - at an ice skating rink, and you assume Mark’s just gotten home from a date. She’s grinning brightly at the camera in the first picture while finishing tying up her skates. In the second one, her back is to the camera and her head is turned to the side, her hand holding onto Mark’s as she leads them across the rink. She’s looking right at the camera in the third one as well, eyebrows raised sportingly as she sips hot chocolate from a styrofoam cup.

You tell Mark to go with the fourth one: a candid of her just stepping on to the rink, eyes wide but smile even wider. Her head is turned, though she can’t see that her side profile is being captured. She’s beautiful without effort in a way you refuse to find in the mirror, and you know the fact that Mark has even taken a picture of Heather without her posing means he wants to cherish every memory with her. It’s sweet, and you tell him so.

You pocket your phone before reading his response, doing your best not to let his earnestness affect you. Mark is a good man, and Heather is a good woman. They’re good for each other, and you’re good for both of them as a friend.

As you turn around to inspect another set of for-sale winter clothes, this time on a table rather than a rack, you realize that, over the past few months, you truly have done your best to try and move on. It had been slow at first, yes, but by throwing yourself into your studies, taking time for yourself, and hanging out more with Hyuck and your other friends - though not less with Mark - has done you good. The ache has weakened, the stinging has stopped, for the most part. You’ve killed almost all of your Mark-related hangups or fixations, almost all of them except…

You rest your palm on top of a light blue sweater - cotton, not polyester - and run your thumb over it, exhaling slowly and blowing air out through your barely-parted lips as you do. It’s pretty, and your size, and you’re in need of one, and the one sweater you used to wear the most isn’t available to you anymore.

Jaemin’s words from months ago echo in your mind: ‘it’ll be okay’. You grab the sweater and make your way to the cashier’s counter, suddenly not needing to buy anything else anymore.

The breath of air you take upon leaving the mall, sweater in bag in hand, feels like the first one you’ve taken in a while. As you settle into your car and turn the ignition key, placing your purchase on your passenger’s seat, you’re hit with a realization that you didn’t think you’d ever have.

It’s all okay...

And you’re starting to no longer wish you were Heather.

Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half, as pretty You gave her your sweater It's just polyester, but you like her better Wish I were..

#neowritingsnet #kwritersworld #nct-writers #mark lee #mark lee angst #mark lee fluff #mark lee smut #mark lee scenario #mark lee scenarios #jaemin #jaemin angst #jaemin fluff #jaemin smut #nct #nct 127 #nct dream #nct 127 scenario

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taizi · 3 years

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the ship sways but the heart is steady

chapter one: the ship sways

the untamed pairing: jiang cheng & wei ying, lan zhan/wei ying word count: 2549 summary: Wei Ying’s friends are at rock-bottom, and Wei Ying puts his life on hold to help them put theirs back together. To absolutely no one’s surprise except Wei Ying’s, his family goes with him. read on ao3

During family dinner, Wei Ying’s phone rings, cutting mother off mid-sentence.

Jiang Cheng cringes inwardly and his brother’s face goes two shades paler. They have guests over, so mother doesn’t do more than glare hatefully in Wei Ying’s direction.

She won’t make a scene in front of Yanli’s husband, or even Wei Ying’s fiancé—Jin Zixuan is everything Yu Ziyuan wants in a match for her daughter, and Lan Zhan’s family is one of the richest on the East Coast.

Lan Zhan is also willing to give as good as he gets. His eyes are already narrowing in mother’s direction, the tentative ceasefire of family dinner wobbling precariously beneath their feet as he perceives the great and unforgivable offense of insult to Wei Ying. A-Li resolutely tries to pick the conversation back up from where it lulled, with all the steely resolve of someone throwing herself into the path of a rampaging bull. Jin Zixuan has graduated from grimacing into his wineglass to gazing hopefully at the clock every three minutes.

Always willing to fall on the grenade, Wei Ying ducks his head meekly.

“Sorry, I thought I silenced it,” he says, the shape of a laugh in his voice even if he can’t manage to drag it all the way out. He’s rummaging his cellphone out of his pocket, presumably to turn it off as a gesture of good faith. “I’ll just…”

But his eyes catch on the screen, and something happens to his expression that Jiang Cheng has never seen before.

Wei Ying stands up, so abruptly his chair sails back with an awful screech, and excuses himself. Lan Zhan follows him out of the dining room without a single word or a backwards glance. That’s all it takes for mother to pick up a scathing tirade against Jiang Cheng’s good-for-nothing, ungrateful, waste-of-space brother.

He joins Jin Zixuan in watching the clock. Worry swims in the back of his mind like a school of startled fish.

Wei Ying’s apartment is really actually Lan Zhan’s apartment, but the two of them have been inseparable since they were fourteen, and it naturally followed that where one of them would live, so would the other. The place is ridiculous, modern and minimalist, and it would look like something out of a magazine if not for Wei Ying’s inevitable clutter. But even the stacks of books and magazines, and haphazard easels, and little jars of paints and loose brushes everywhere manage to make the place seem charming and lived-in instead of the horrible disaster tornado it rightly should be.

Jiang Cheng asked him once what the monthly rent was but Wei Ying looked so haunted by the question that Jiang Cheng decided he didn’t actually want to know.

They’re all crammed into the conversation pit, recovering from family dinner in the usual fashion. Jin Zixuan is much more likable when his tie is loose and he’s nursing a lukewarm beer.

A-Li is clinging to Jiang Cheng’s hand so hard he’s beginning to lose circulation but he’d sooner agree to amputate than he would shake her off.

“You’re on speaker, A-Qing,” Wei Ying says with mock-severity. “Keep it PG for the children in the room, please.”

“So Jiang Cheng and Jin Zixuan are there?” Wen Qing asks rhetorically.

Jin Zixuan sighs but doesn’t rise to it. Jiang Cheng snaps, “Listen, assholes,” partly out of half-hearted irritation, and partly to hear Wen Qing sigh the way she does when she doesn’t want to reward someone with a real laugh.

“Yanli and Lan Zhan are here, too,” Wei Ying says cheerfully. His tone doesn’t match how worried his eyes are. “This is a family-only meeting. So tell us what those texts were about.”

Jiang Cheng realizes right away why Wei Ying bailed on dinner.

There was an apartment fire. The Wens lost everything. Wen Ning is in the hospital with smoke inhalation and second-degree burns because he ran in to make sure their neighbors got out safely. All of their savings are wrapped up in putting Wen Qing through medical school. She’s adrift now in a way that Jiang Cheng has never been.

“There’s... we have an old house, somewhere out in the country. It was sold to my grandparents cheap, but they never got around to renovating it. It’s not even livable, just bare bones.”

A-Li starts crying the second Wen Qing does.

“It’s too much,” Wen Qing forces out. “I can’t do this on my own.”

Wei Ying, to his credit, actually does hesitate. A whole five seconds. And then he says, “I thought you were supposed to be my smart friend. Who said you were doing this on your own?”

He says it as easily as if it was an absolute given that he would turn his whole life around and upside down for her. All she had to do was call.

There is a minor disagreement between Jiang Cheng’s siblings.

“A-Li,” Wei Ying says, holding both of her hands in both of his own and looking deeply, imploringly, into her eyes. “You’re way too pregnant to fly.”

Her face crinkles alarmingly, eyes already red and puffy from recent tears. Jiang Cheng, Jin Zixuan and Lan Zhan tense in exactly the same way, at the same time.

“I won’t have you going all the way to California by yourself,” Yanli says in her most eldest-sibling tone of voice. “I won’t have it, A-Ying.”

“I am a grown-up,” Wei Ying points out gently, with all the wisdom of his twenty-four years. “I pay bills and have a job I hate and everything. And I won’t be by myself, I’ll have A-Qing and A-Ning.”

“And me, obviously,” Jiang Cheng grumbles. Wei Ying whips around to stare at him.

“Oh,” Yanli says, a blanket of relief rolling across her face. “Oh, of course.”

“You can’t,” Wei Ying hisses at him, looking more panicked now than he has all night. “Your mother—”

“Okay, first of all, don’t tell me what I can and can’t do,” Jiang Cheng bites back, prickly with worry for the Wens and worry for his idiot brother. “Secondly, you, going by yourself, is not an option. It’s off the table. It was never on the table. Stupid,” he adds, on principle.

Lan Zhan doesn’t contribute much to the conversation at this point but Jiang Cheng learned a long time ago that that doesn’t mean shit. Lan Zhan has more opinions than any three people combined, whether or not he chooses to voice them. There is no fucking way he doesn’t have thoughts about his fiance picking up and moving nearly three thousand miles away.

Maybe there’s some strange alternate timeline out there where he would be content to stay behind and let Wei Ying go off without him, but Jiang Cheng would bet his entire trust fund that that’s simply not happening here.

If ever there was a world where Wei Ying would be backed into a corner and forced to help the Wens alone, this world isn’t it.

There’s a minor disagreement between his siblings, and there’s a whole fucking nuclear fallout at home.

“I forbid it,” mother snaps. She’s livid, but she’s livid so much of the time that it started losing its edge a few years ago. “Absolutely not. I refuse to allow this family to lose face because you want to gallivant across the country for some charity case.”

Jiang Cheng sees it when Wei Ying’s posture changes. The dreamy raincloud gray of Wei Ying’s eyes hardens into heavy steel, and his spine stiffens, and his shoulders go back; the absolute opposite of his downcast self at dinner earlier. He’s willing to fight any impossible battle as long as it’s for someone else.

Jiang Cheng grew up looking up to him. He spent all of his formative years as Wei Ying’s little brother. That’s why he’s willing, too.

“The Wens aren’t a charity case,” he says. Not very loud, but he says it. It’s a lot more than he could have done when he was a kid.

“You don’t even know them! They’re just some random people on the Internet. They’re probably scamming you, and you’re both idiot enough to fall for it!”

That’s so untrue and unfair that Jiang Cheng doesn’t know how to argue for a moment. They’ve never met the Wens in person, but Wei Ying has been friends with them since he was ten. They mail each other presents for Christmas and birthdays. Jiang Cheng distinctly remembers calling Wen Qing for help with biochem homework, multiple times. Wen Ning always Skyped with Yanli when he was stuck on a recipe, the two of them cooking together from three time zones apart. They’re all tangled up in each other’s lives, comfortably, irrevocably.

Of course we know them, Jiang Cheng thinks, bewildered.

Out loud, he says, “They’re not scamming us. And we already told them we’re coming.”

Mother screeches and storms around the house and throws things, but she hasn’t actually hit either of them since they grew taller than her. She hasn’t been a source of real fear since Jiang Cheng started looking down at her instead of looking up. It’s mostly just miserable to be around her now.

He remembers that fear, though. It sticks to his body like a half-healed scar. It reminds him to flinch.

It’s early enough in the morning that it might as well still be nighttime when Jiang Cheng and his suitcases finally show up at Wei Ying’s building. He leaves his luggage in the lobby under the watchful gaze of the concierge and takes the private elevator up, keying in the code to his brother’s apartment.

The doors roll open to the living room. Lan Zhan is holding a tiny animal carrier in his hands, gazing at Wei Ying in an extremely gross and smitten way while Wei Ying discusses the upcoming trip with their pets. Pidan and Bao are not being particularly attentive, snuffling at his chin and chewing on a piece of his hair respectively.

“Diedie has decided to be stubborn and not listen to good sense,” Wei Ying is telling the rabbits seriously, “so you’re coming with me and ruining your life instead of being safe and comfortable here at home.”

“Baba is being dramatic,” Lan Zhan informs them in turn. “And also foolish, if he doesn’t realize that our home is wherever he goes.”

“This is the weirdest domestic scene I’ve ever walked into,” Jiang Cheng says loudly, since apparently the telltale ding of the elevator wasn’t enough to announce his presence. He has to interrupt before they do something horrible, like make out in front of him. It’s a constant fucking risk with these two. “Are we leaving or what?”

So the rabbits go into their crate with a frankly absurd amount of fanfare and Jiang Cheng helps wrestle the luggage downstairs. By then, the shuttle that Lan Zhan ordered is waiting for them at the curb.

He knows it isn’t going to be a vacation. Wei Ying’s friends are at rock-bottom, and Wei Ying has essentially put his life on hold to help them put theirs back together. It’s going to be hard work. It’s probably going to be painful, and a little bit scary.

Jiang Cheng is only involved because he chose to be, but it never occurs to him to choose anything else.

If this is where his brother is going, it’s probably the right place to go. And if it’s not, if the whole thing turns out to be a horrible mistake and he regrets all of it, then at least he’ll be in good company.

Wen Ning is out of the hospital by the time their plane lands, and he’s waiting with Wen Qing at the airport. Wei Ying, who by all accounts should feel as foggy and queasy as Jiang Cheng definitely does, drops his bags and sprints across the terminal towards them.

Jiang Cheng and Lan Zhan follow at a more reasonable human pace, possibly in part to give the friends a few moments together. The busy airport traffic moves around them like a river flowing around a rock.

Wen Ning is sobbing, almost a full head taller than Wei Ying but buried against him like the little brother he is. Wen Qing is leaning quietly against the two of them with her eyes closed, as if filling her reserves and shoring up her strength.

She’s the type of person who would be able to cow his mother with a single glance, Jiang Cheng thinks admiringly, and more efficiently than Lan Zhan ever could. She must have a spine built out of steel to be able to stand there without crumbling under the weight of what she’s lost.

And Wei Ying stands there holding them up, tireless and steady. He’s talking too quietly for Jiang Cheng to hear, saying something that makes Wen Ning nod against his shoulder. He’ll hold them up until the ground falls out from under his feet if he has to. Thankfully it’s more like three minutes.

Introductions aren’t necessary. They all just trade exhausted looks and move as a cohesive unit towards the doors.

Wen Ning starts to help with the bags, bandaged hands and all. Wen Qing and Jiang Cheng both snap at him before he can so much as touch a suitcase, and then he just waffles in place anxiously, like he doesn’t know how to person if he isn’t actively being helpful.

“Hold the kids,” Wei Ying says in the spirit of compromise, taking the pet crate from Lan Zhan and holding it out to Wen Ning instead.

Somehow, they shuffle everything out of the airport and into a rental car. Lan Zhan’s phone starts to blow up as soon as he turns airplane mode off, so he turns airplane mode back on and returns the phone to his pocket.

“My uncle has checked the credit card statement,” Lan Zhan says calmly. “My brother is handling it.”

“Poor Lan Huan,” Wei Ying murmurs.

“We have to call A-Li,” Jiang Cheng remembers with a jolt. He digs his own phone out. “She wanted us to call as soon as we landed.”

Everyone clusters in close for the FaceTime call with Yanli, who is tearful and hormonal and indignant about being left behind. Jiang Cheng begs her not to get into a fight with their mother over this. Yanli raises her chin and says, “We’ll see.”

It’s a very long drive to the estate. Wei Ying’s head sinks against Lan Zhan’s shoulder in an inevitable, unstoppable act of gravity. He falls asleep within minutes.

“You have to help me thank him,” Wen Qing says quietly, tapping anxious fingers against the steering wheel. “Help me figure out how to thank him.”

Jiang Cheng snorts, not unkindly. “What makes you think I know how?”

An entire childhood spent raising each other, protecting each other, annoying the shit out of each other, and there are still some things Jiang Cheng has no idea how to say to his brother in a way that he’ll understand. Like I’m sorry, and thank you.

Lan Zhan turns his head to the side, so that his cheek is pillowed against Wei Ying’s hair. Outside, the sprawling California countryside sprints past the windows, wild and golden under a relentless summer sun.

#mo dao zu shi #the untamed #mdzs #wangxian #yunmeng shuangjie #jiang cheng #wei ying #lan zhan #wen ning #wen qing #jiang yanli #my writing #mdzs fic #it was only a matter of time fellas #the ship sways

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joontier · 3 years

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Subliminal in Scrubs | V1; report viii

pairings: dr. jeon jungkook x female reader

chapter rating: NC-17 | genre: humor, romance

warnings: someone will be leaving...temporarily....

word count: 2.3k

g/n: sorry for posting this late sdfasdfa

[taglist]: @nottodayjjk @ditttiii @zeharilisharaban @btsbunny07 @turquoiseandplaidinautumn @aamxxrii @codeinebelle

Subliminal in Scrubs (the records) | navi. | m.list

There’s a knock on your door, one you instantly recognize as it’s a catchy beat you exclusively share with one person alone: Ayoung. “Mind if I came over?” she asks from the other side of the door. You roll your eyes, chuckling as you walk to your doorway, “I don’t even know why you even bother asking, honestly!”

“Unlawful entry happens when a private person enters the property of another without consent from the owner. The same shall be punished by…”

Ayoung pauses her sentence midway as you open the door. “And does that count when said owner had long given such private person the passcode to her door, Attorney Shin Ayoung?”

It’s Ayoung who fondly rolls her eyes this time. She raises her hands, fingers turning white as she clutches onto two bags full of food. Your face lights up at the sight. Whoever said that the way to a man’s heart was through his stomach was severely mistaken - that, or he or she hadn’t taken a woman’s true source of wellbeing into consideration.

“What’s on our menu today?”

“Oh you know our go-to review food. Seori halmeoni’s jjajjangmyeon house special!” Your mouth falls agape, astounded at how she even managed to get those when halmeoni’s special dish always sold out in the middle of the day.

“Please don’t tell you lined up for hours for these...”

“What if I told you I didn’t have to?” Ayoung winks while she takes her shoes off. You grab the food from her hands and start setting the table. “What do you mean you didn’t have to?” She chuckles at your creased forehead, knowing you’re talking about the minimum one-hour waiting time of halmeoni’s stall - and that’s on off-peak hours.

“I think the landlady might’ve mentioned me moving to a new apartment, so when I was coming home from school today, she called me over to her stall and handed me these care packages.”

“Awh, that’s so sweet of her!” Your chest warms at the thought and the reminder that your lovely neighbor was going to move away. Not to mention Chohee has similar plans too.

Ayoung lets Netflix pick out a random movie, adjusting the lighting of your room enough for you to eat your dinner while watching. “Right, speaking of, won’t the hospitals be sending out acceptances for your post-graduate internship?”

Pushing your laptop to Ayoung’s side of the table, you show her the screen of your mail - the same page you have been refreshing for hours now. “Well, let’s just hope for the best then, shall we?”

Forty-five minutes into Miss Congeniality, a notification from your mail app lights up your phone screen. You see the header display that it’s from Woocheon, and it’s as if your heart drops to the ground, and your fingers are simply glued to the side of your phone, leaving you staring at it until the screen turns black again.

Ayoung notices your silence and pauses the movie. “You okay?” the sweet girl places a comforting hand on your shoulder, shaking you gently to wake you from your trance. Gulping, you look at her expectantly. “It’s an email from Woocheon.” Her eyes widen along with yours. “Well, aren’t you going to open it?”

“What if I didn’t make it?”

“Unnie, you wouldn’t know unless you do.”

With one eye closed, you turn to your laptop and click on the new mail. “Besides, they’d be a fool if they didn't accept the application of the same woman who topped the exam now, wouldn’t they?”

Just then, Chohee’s caller ID lights up your phone.

“_____________!!!!!!!!!” Your best friend’s voice rings in your ears, your barely comprehensible name loud and clear with Chohee’s shrieking.

“I’m already positive you got accepted to Woocheon because I had this gut feeling and you know my gut never lied to me - plus I had it confirmed by a fortune teller…” Chohee starts, then takes a breather, “BUT guess what? I also made it to Daegu Medical Center!! GAH _________ I’m literally crying right now!!”

“I’m so proud of you Chee, I really am,” your voice wavers, and you bite on your lip to keep yourself from pouring out all your feelings. “Don’t go me emotional right now, young woman! I’ve got makeup on, and my parents and I are going out to dinner, and I can’t ruin my cute outfit with tear-stained cheeks now, can I?”

Typical Chohee. You smile. “Of course, Chee. I know. We’re gonna be actual doctors! You go ahead and enjoy your family time. Young-ie has come over with jjajjangmyeon.”

“It’s jjajjang-night and none of you even bothered to send me an invite?! So much for our so-called friendship huh!”

“Well, if you’re willing to drive three hours all the way from Daegu after you have dinner with your parents, you’re free to come. Otherwise, we’ll have to finish halmeoni’s recipe all by ourselves.”

Chohee sighs from the other end of the line, while Ayoung watches your conversation with your best friend with the fondest of smiles. Chohee doesn’t stay long after that, declaring that she has to go. As soon as you put down your phone, Ayoung asks about your best friend, “If you don’t mind me asking, why did she choose Daegu Medical Center? I thought Woocheon was like the most sought after hospital for internships?”

“Actually, DMC is being managed by Woocheon too. If I’m not mistaken, it’s also equally as hard to enter Woocheon. Plus her parents work there too, so DMC was the only hospital for her.” Ayoung nods her head in acknowledgment, then presses a button on the remote to continue the movie when an unknown number sends you a text.

Out of all people, you weren’t expecting Soomin to send you a text. You’d been meaning to hear from her so you excitedly send her a text back.

Just the same as the last time you went here with Chohee, the tiny bell dings when you open the door to the cafe. Soomin instantly hears the sound and waves you over to her table. As you near, she rises from her seat with a big smile on her face.

“________! Long time no see!” she exclaims, extending a hand outward to offer you the seat across hers.

“Soomin! It’s been some time, hasn’t it? Would you believe it’s been months since we were reviewing our notes under strobe lights and loud music? Out of all the places to review though!” you laugh, setting your bag down. While Soomin goes through the menu, you take the opportunity to look for Jimin if he was around so you could introduce them to each other too. After all, there’s no harm casually meeting your workmates before meeting them formally as coworkers right?

“You know, I was really looking forward to this day - especially when you had invited me to this lovely place for brunch…” A smile graces Soomin’s youthful features. “I actually know someone who world here...I’m not exactly sure if he’s working today though…” Once more, you glance over Soomin’s shoulders, hoping you’ll catch a glimpse of Jimin’s golden locks. Ah, yes. Speaking of goldilocks.

“Wow! Just in time.... He’s actually here today! Jimin!” Your calling his name surprises him, immediately causing him to look for the source of the voice. He’s sporting a wide grin when he recognizes you from the counter, until he sees who you’re with then diverts his attention somewhere and walks away quickly.

Absolutely taken aback by his reaction, you sit there for a moment with your mouth agape until Soomin clears her throat discreetly. “Um...o-okaayy, that was awfully strange...I’m sorry - he’s not usually like that.” You discreetly hide the disappointment in your voice, wondering if Jimin just literally pretended to not see you when you had even waved him over.

“Oh really?”

“Yeah...um...I’ll try to approach him later…”

“Perhaps he’s uncomfortable meeting strangers?”

Highly unlikely. Not when Jimin had no problem interacting with the other oath takers that he managed to get the whole group and your families away from the maze they called the convention center. Plus, he’s really good with the customers too who generously fill up the tip box after experiencing Jimin’s exemplary customer service. Jimin’s ability to handle social interactions is out of the question.

“This Jimin guy,” Soomin starts, pointing a thumb towards the till, “how did you get to know him?”

You pause for a moment, recalling your memories. “Honestly, I just realized it now, but I actually met him the same night I met you. He was in the same club we were dragged into, and when you convinced me to approach the cute guy at the bar, he actually saved me from a spiked drink - from the dude I was supposed to hit on. The next time I met Jimin was when Chohee and I went here for brunch too and we saw him working here, so I guess that’s how we all came to be friends…” Jimin’s cold-shoulder just moments ago appears in your thoughts. “....I guess...at least that’s what I thought.”

You figure this apparent ‘friendship’ with Jimin wasn’t exactly as real as you thought it was.

It’s all the more surprising that Soomin seems to be the least interested in your meeting, or, that she already knew who Jimin was. She was simply nodding her head as you talked, occasionally sneaking a few glances at Jimin while he was serving orders to the other customers.

You start patching things up, trying to put two and two together to see if it would all make sense. No way. Could it be? That these two had history?

Just then, Soomin stands to excuse herself and heads over to the toilet. The moment she disappears from your sight, you hastily call Jimin over. “Are you okay? Was there a reason why you couldn’t come over earlier? I wanted to introduce two of my friends to each other, but one doesn’t seem to be so willing....” You cross your arms over your chest, murmuring your hurt feelings loud enough for Jimin to hear.

“I’m sorry, ________. But your ‘friend’....she’s not really just someone uh…”

“Was she your ex-girlfriend then?” Pursing your lips, you egg him to go on with a raise of your eyebrow. Jimin’s eyes widen and he shakes his head back and forth. “No! No...it’s not like that...she’s actually my boss.”

His hesitant explanation doesn’t convince you one bit. Surely, there’s all the more reason for him not to blatantly ignore you when his boss was seated right in front of you the whole time, wasn’t it?

Jimin sighs as he watches your reaction, knowing his clarification didn’t suffice. “Well she isn’t my boss, per se, but she is the daughter of the woman who owns this cafe. Wait, they own the whole building, really.”

Oh.

“And uh…” Jimin gulps. Hard. “....the other day…” He looks around warily. “...I might have spilled coffee all over her dress...which was white…”

Oh.

Shit.

“Why didn’t you just quit? It would have been easier.”

“I couldn’t. Not when Woocheon’s results weren’t out yet. I need my allowances too!”

Just as if on a terrible cue, out of nowhere, Soomin appears beside Jimin. You weren’t about to abort from your original mission though. “Hah! Perfect timing! Um, Soomin, this is Jim…” Before you even finish your sentence, Jimin bows quickly, apologizes, then turns on his heel, declaring that he still had to get back to the kitchen to do stuff.

Soomin remains silent, getting back to her seat quietly. You suddenly feel bad for her, seeing how Jimin makes every attempt to ignore her, and gets away with it every time.

Unfortunately and unlike Chohee, you are unable to get out of an awkward situation in a snap of a finger, so you apologize in Jimin’s stead first. “I’m so sorry, uh, he can be really shy at first…” Hopefully that wasn’t a complete lie?

Much to your surprise, Soomin waves it off with a smile. “It’s no worry, really. He’s probably still bothered with him spilling coffee all over my dress but I assured him a couple of times that it wasn’t that big of a deal. And that I always have extra clothes stashed in my car.”

Soomin shrugs as she takes a sip of her lemonade. “I told Jimin it was nothing afterwards, but he wouldn’t stop apologizing...and now he won’t look at me too.” You’re at a total loss, amazed at how she calmly and easily handled that situation like a true boss.

“Besides, dwelling on such a small thing won’t be worth it. Not when we’ll be spending an entire year together…”

You go over her statement again, partly confused. An entire year together? She meant the internship, probably? And above all that - she knew about Jimin too, even when the boy won’t even let himself get five meters close to Soomin?”

“Ah yes, I’m sure Jimin has told you about Woocheon as well right?”

Well, you were aware of that, but you weren’t so sure about how she knew about yours and Jimin’s applications. “Yeah...um, but….I’m sorry, was there a list online that mentioned all the chosen applicants for the internship program?”

“Oh right - I sort of know some people from Woocheon who have told me about those who got accepted...It still feels like it was just yesterday when I was registering my classes for med school and now we're finally here!”

The two of you toast the future, clinking your glasses of lemonade together. Nothing could get better than having your friends become your workmates too. Surely, it’s a sad fact that Chohee won’t be going to the same hospital as you would, but you’re beyond elated that she got into DMC where she’d always wanted to work at.

At least you’ve got Jimin and Soomin by your side now, and hopefully, new friends you’ll meet along the way.

#jungkook x reader #btswritingcafe #bangtanarmynet #btsghostie #jeon jungkook #bts aus #bts fic #jungkook au #jungkook imagine #bts series #jeon jungkook x reader #jungkook fluff

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dontshootmespence · 3 years

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As I Watched In Sorrow

Summary: After experiencing an unimaginable loss, Y/N floats through life, living for...she doesn’t know anymore. When it all becomes too much, she’s greeted by a woman in black with a deal so sweet, she can’t bear to let her grief and her morals get in the way.

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 6,864

Warnings: Probably one of, if not the saddest thing I’ve ever written. Please heed the warnings! Suicidal thoughts and near actions, death of a child, betrayal, a crisis of faith/hatred for Chuck/God, brief mentions of sex, knives, self-hatred. Lots of shit.

A/N: This fulfills my entries to @stusbunker Lie to Me in Melody Challenge - a prompt from a Carole King song, “As I watched in sorrow, there suddenly appeared, A figure gray and ghostly beneath a flowing beard, In times of deepest darkness, I’ve seen him dressed in black, Now my tapestry’s unraveling - he’s come to take me back” and @covered-byroses 3k celebration with the prompt “shadow.” Shadow here is definitely more of an abstract than physical thing. Hopefully it works. Sorry to both of you that this took approximately 8,000 years. This takes place around season 8/9 solely for the fact that I needed the antagonist to have years of pent up rage toward the Winchesters.

Closed blinds did little to shield the slivers of morning light from burning her skin. As she tossed the blankets aside, she inhaled the stagnant air and closed her eyes against the sun. Though little, it was still too much. Turning off the lone lamp she’d forgotten the night before, she slowly ambled into the bathroom, popping open the familiar bottle and downing the necessary pills dry.

A glimpse in the mirror made her shiver. Her skin pallid and pitted, eyes sunken and dark despite the fact that she hadn’t worn makeup in weeks. Wetting her toothbrush, she propped the mirror open, unable to bear the reminder. Lazily, she pulled the brush across her teeth, more a societal necessity than a want or a need. She needed to grab food and it just wasn't okay to walk out of the front door without her teeth brushed.

Clothes didn’t matter though. The gray sweat-suit she wore to bed would do just fine. She dragged her gaze over the entirety of her bedroom, searching for her purse so she could go and get this over with. When the cursory glance didn’t lead to her bag, she began go through the other rooms - the kitchen, piled high with unwashed dishes and half-eaten tv dinners, the living room, where scattered dolls and a teddy dressed in a little pink tutu sat dutifully waiting for the return of their owner, the dining room, where she could practically still see her sitting, excitedly waiting for dinner. It wasn’t anywhere to be seen.

Shuffling toward the front door, she looked in the coat closet, finding her hobo bag dangling limply next to the small, lavender windbreaker studded with unicorns. Had she not been in such a state after coming home the night before, she would’ve noticed it here, and put her bag somewhere else. She reached into the bag and opened the glasses case, slipping the oversized sunglasses over her eyes. Just because she needed to go out didn’t mean she needed or wanted to be assaulted by the sun. Why couldn’t it just leave her alone? Steady darkness had been her comfortable umbrella for weeks. Couldn’t the light just leave her be? Darkness was an old friend.

She stepped outside and locked the door behind her before heading toward her car. As a neighbor pulled out of their driveway, she glanced at a bumper sticker that hadn’t been there before.

When life gives you more than you can stand, kneel.

“I did,” she whispered.

----

Later that night, another half-eaten tv dinner was tossed on top of the already packed garbage can. Why was she even doing this? Continuing? Was there even a point?

She went through the motions, turning on the television to watch a TV show before she pulled the covers over her body once again. But it was useless. With more purpose than she’d had in weeks, she walked into the living room and reverently picked up the tutu-wearing bear, propping it underneath her arm as she gathered the remainder of her pills from the bathroom. She’d just refilled the prescription; it would be enough.

Slipping back under the covers, she placed the bear next to where her head would lay on the pillow and reached for the pill bottle slowly, but with no hesitation.

A faint whisper emanated from the behind her, where the overwhelming shadow of her apartment fought against the moonlight coming through the once-again closed blinds.

“I can help you.” A whispery voice said, clearer than before.

“Great, I’ve lost my mind.” She heaved a heavy sigh and twisted the bottle cap open.

With a quick flap of what could only be described of as wings, a woman appeared behind her, emerging from the shadows. “I’m not here to hurt you,” she said softly, holding up her hands as a show of her promise. “I want to help you.”

“Who the hell are you?” She asked, getting up from the bed and backing toward the corner of the room. “Why are you in my house? Get the hell out.” To her disbelief, the other woman walked toward her, through the mattress, as if she wasn’t real. “I’ve gone insane,” she said, shaking, trembling fingers combing through her hair. “I’ve lost my mind.”

“You haven’t,” she countered.

“What the hell are you then?”

“I’m a Reaper. You can call me Tessa.”

A tear rolled down her cheek. “What? Like the Grim Reaper?”

The brunette, wearing an unassuming combination of a leather jacket, black tank and ripped jeans, seemingly floated toward her, smiling. Softness radiated from her, welcoming, despite the situation. “That’s what you tend to call us,” she chuckled. “But we aren’t cold, hooded, evil figures. We’re only here to help you cross.”

Cowering in the corner, a realization began to come over her. “When we die. Is that why you’re here? For me?”

“No,” she replied, moving toward the bed and grasping hold of the teddy bear. “Truthfully, you aren’t supposed to die for a long time. I’m here because I think we can help each other.”

She shook with anger. “How could you possibly help me?”

Tessa lovingly stroked the teddy bear’s head. “I can give you back what you want most.”

Her heart skipped a beat, eyes glancing quickly at the worn stuffed animal. “That’s not possible. Why would you bring her back to me if your job is to ferry people to the other side?”

“Astute,” she replied. “Strictly speaking, it’s not something we’re supposed to do. Make deals with the living that is. As Reapers, we maintain the natural order, taking souls to where they remain for eternity because if they remain on this plane, many times, most times, they turn bad, shadows of their former selves. Order is what’s important.” Tessa paused, as if carefully considering her next words. “There are two men - brothers - that over and over and over again, defy the natural order.” The reaper’s voice became louder and louder as she spoke. “They cheat death. Time and time again. Those above me, my bosses so to speak, they don’t believe I can do my job anymore. And I’m at risk of losing it. You see, this is what I am. Without it, I’m lost.”

For the first time since this strange woman entered her home, for the first time in weeks, actually, she laughed. “So you’re about to lose your job and you want revenge on the people you can’t reap? Am I supposed to feel bad for you?” She ripped the teddy bear from Tessa’s hands and clutched it to her chest. “You take innocent five-year-olds from their mothers - to give to a God that strikes down someone so small and I’m-I’m-I’m supposed to care?!” She screamed, sliding down the wall toward the floor. “You and your God can burn.” Sobbing, she buried her head into the teddy bear, ignoring the looming darkness overhead. If she was to die right now, then so be it.

“Reapers have no allegiance to God. Frankly, I think he’s a heartless bastard.” She continued matter-of-factly. “But he is who he is and our job is simply to make sure these soul’s stay pure. Some we take to heaven, some to hell. Wherever it is they belong.”

“My baby?” She asked, chancing a glance at this creature disguised as a human.

“Heaven. I promise you.” Tessa crouched down to meet the woman’s eye. “Everyone has their own personal heaven. In hers, you’re there. Playing with dolls, snuggling in bed together, reading books. She’s happy.”

She clapped her hand to her mouth to stifle another sob. “Why her? She was just a baby. Why did I have to watch her wither away? Why?”

Tessa caressed her cheek with the pad of her thumb. “I don’t know. I can’t begin to understand His logic. But I can bring her back to you, just as she was, free of sickness. You can live a happy life together.”

“But you need me to kill someone.” The prospect hung heavily in the air. What did these men really do besides cheat death? Was that really such a bad thing? Wasn’t in human nature? Did they deserve to die? Her heart raced with possibilities. “How do I know you’re telling the truth? That you’ll keep your end of the bargain?”

Tessa held her hand out. “I’ll bring you to where her soul rests.”

Instantly, she was transported, at Tessa’s side, from her dim apartment, to a never-ending expanse filled with light. Doors came into focus. “You’re kidding,” she said. “Heaven is full of doors?” Tessa quickly walked her around corner after corner, ensuring they weren’t seen by anyone else, until they came to her door. “My baby.” Her fingers slid over the name on the door. And dates. 2008-2013.

“She’s in here,” Tessa whispered.

Beyond the blinding light, a park came into focus - one she recognized. One she’d taken her baby to time and time again. From behind the playground, she ran, screeching with delight as her mother chased after her. She barely recognized herself. “This is her heaven,” Tessa said softly, her arm link with yours, almost like a friend. “She plays with you.”

“Can she seem m-?”

“No. Not the you standing here. That one is her projection of you.”

Filled with a resolve she hadn’t know since the moment her baby was placed in her arms at the hospital five years ago, she turned to Tessa. “What do I have to do?”

Tessa smiled, a small sigh of relief escaping her. She pulled a piece of paper from her jacket pocket. “This man will come into your life. I need you to let him in. He’s a strong man, but he’ll let his guard down with those he trusts. You need to be one of those people. Once you are, I need you to kill him. He disrupts the natural order, and we...have a history. He doesn’t trust me.”

“Why do I need to get him to trust me first?”

“That’s for me,” she admitted. “This history...he’s the reason I am where I am. It’s purely revenge on my part.” She loathed to admit it.

“But I-”

Exasperatedly, Tessa held the woman’s face in her hands. “He has cheated death over and over again. And your daughter couldn’t. How is that fair?”

“It’s not,” she seethed, taking the paper from Tessa’s hands. “How long do I have? I’m assuming I’m on some kind of a timeline.”

“One year,” Tessa replied. “If you can’t do it, the deal is void and I’ll find someone else who can help me.”

“I’ll do it. I promise,” she whispered. Before she knew it, she was back home and Tessa was gone. Unfolding the paper, she read the seemingly innocuous name.

Dean Winchester.

----

The following morning, she woke in her apartment, the teddy bear still firmly in her grasp. “Worst dream ever,” she whispered, sitting up in bed. She glanced toward the nightstand, where a piece of paper sat. Dean Winchester.

“It wasn’t a dream?”

This man will come into your life.

So he’d just cross her path? She had to sit here and wait?

Tired and dumbfounded, she pulled the laptop toward her lap and typed in his name, searching for some record of the man she was supposed to let into her life. A few Dean Winchesters came up, a character in a book series, a teacher out of the Midwest, an escaped convict accused of killing a number of women. Wonderful. None but the convict made an impression. Could this man, doing his best impersonation of Blue Steel after being accused of murder, truly be the one who crossed a Reaper? Cheated death?

Closing the laptop, she sighed, dropping her head into her hands. What the hell was she doing? How was she supposed to kill a man? A man she didn’t even know? “No, I can’t. I can’t,” she said emphatically. “This is insane.” It wasn’t real? Right? As if to prove her wrong, she felt a darkness at her back, heavy and insistent, but leading her toward the light nonetheless.

----

For the first time in weeks, she shrugged her army green coat on and headed out to the nearest bar instead of taking a bottle home from the supermarket and falling asleep after downing near all of it. Warm light bathed her as she walked through the door and sat at the far end of the bar. Her usual bartender, Zach, seemed surprised at her presence. “Haven’t seen you around in a while. What brings you back?”

“The quality booze,” she replied dryly. Some people wanted to pour their hearts out to their bartender, not her though. “Sick of supermarket wine.”

Thankfully, he didn’t push, instead bringing over her usual. Maker’s Mark neat. Sipping, she quietly hissed the burn, its warmth feeling different now, teasing. Maybe it was the fires of hell licking at her insides for what she was contemplating, the lengths she would go to in order to see her little girl again.

The familiar, high-pitched bell chime alerted her to the presence of yet another patron of the bar. He came to sit a few seats away, ordering a whiskey on the rocks. When she looked up, she saw him. The Dean she saw in the mug shot - Mr. Blue Steel.

Tipping the rest of her drink back, she swallowed her morals down along with the booze and eyed Zach for a refill. When Blue Steel caught her eye, she smiled and gave him a soft wave. He was cute. She could do this. She had to do this. Without her baby, there was nothing. He walked over, taking a seat on the stool next to her. “Hey. I’m Dean. Dean Winchester.”

“Hi, Dean,” she said softly, taking the refill from Zach’s hand. “I’m Y/N.” She frowned into her drink before she continued. “My friends and family call me Sunshine.”

----

Dean was easy to talk to; smooth, like the bourbon she’d been sipping on for near an hour. He was open yet guarded. Secrets lay behind his eyes, just as they did hers. Though they hadn't spoken for more than an hour, she could tell he’d gone through more in life than others did in 10. Behind his mega-watt, ladies man smile sat years upon years of pain. “So Dean,” she started, swirling the amber liquid around in the glass. “What brings you to a bar in the middle of nowhere at 11:00 at night?”

“Bad day on the job...” He replied, gulping down a hefty swig of his own drink. “Really bad day. Just need to forget, you know?”

She nodded, understanding settling into the marrow of her bones. “More than you know, Dean. If you want to get anything off your chest, I’m all ears. Think of me as a sponge.”

“Thanks, Sunshine.” The nickname sounded foreign on his lips; she hadn’t heard it in so long. But from his pouty pink lips the name sounded comforting. She wanted to lean into it. “I’m not sure it’s something you would understand. I don’t mean that in bad way. Just...I don’t think you’d believe me.”

If the previous night’s happenings hadn’t occurred, she might have been shocked, but she wasn’t sure if she could be shocked now. This Tessa wanted Dean dead, so presumably Dean was involved in all manner of shit that she would’ve never imagined. “I’ve seen some shit,” she replied, tipping the last of her drink into her mouth.

Dean’s eyes scanned her quickly, as if assessing how much she’d actually seen and whether or not she could be trusted. “D’ya wanna go for a drive? There’s a lake about 10 minutes from here.”

This was stupid. Following a man she didn’t know, having seen his mugshot before, but there was an aura about Dean and it drew her in. Plus, she had to do this - for her baby. When she nodded, he held out his hand to her and smiled. Maybe he wouldn’t be a good man. Maybe she would be doing the world a favor. Something told her she wouldn’t be so lucky. As they walked to his car, she felt the darkness, the guilt, the shame, clawing at her back.

----

Outside the bar, the moon hung near full in the sky. “This is my Baby,” he said proudly, running his hand along an old Impala. “Through everything, she’s been my constant.”

Dean opened the passenger side door for her and slammed it closed before sliding into the driver’s side like a hand into a glove. She could see he was made for this car.

As the engine roared to life and they pulled out of the parking lot, Dean asked the one question she didn’t want to answer. But if she was going to get her back, she had to. “So, what brought you to a bar in the middle of nowhere at 11:00 at night?”

Taking a deep breath, she said her name. For the first time in almost two weeks. “My daughter.” She spoke so softly Dean almost couldn’t hear her over the rumble of the Impala’s engine. “I lost her 43 days ago. Cancer. She’d just turned five.”

“Fuck.” Dean smacked the wheel of the car. “I’m so sorry. No one should have to watch their kid go through that.”

A tear fell from her eye but she quickly wiped it away. “No, they shouldn’t. I hope you’re not a religious man, but...if God’s up there. He’s a dickhead.”

“I’m not a religious man,” he laughed dryly. “I have faith in humanity, most of the time, but God’s a vindictive asshole.”

She laughed and let her head hit the headrest just as they pulled up to the lake. The moon seemed closer here, silhouetting them as they walked toward the pier. “D’ya wanna talk about her?” He asked. “I’m all ears too.”

Sitting on a bench near the lake, she told him all about her baby girl. Her father hit it and quit it, leaving as soon as she found out she was pregnant. “I was petrified to raise her myself, but I wanted to be a mom,” she said, voice catching in her throat. “I brought her into this world by myself. I raised her myself. Worked two jobs to make sure I could give her the life she deserved. She was diagnosed with leukemia just after her 4th birthday.”

At first, she’d tried not to cry, but it was no use. “Sorry, I’m just-”

“Raw still?”

“Yea.”

“I get it,” he replied, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.

She leaned into it, a warmth she hadn’t felt since her daughter insisted on a goodnight kiss the night God took her away. He wrapped his arm around her like this is exactly where they were supposed to be. “Anyway, she knew what was happening, even though she was so young. She was the one that kept me sane. Somehow. You wanna know what she said to me the night she died? Her last words?”

“What’d she say?”

“She’s the one who called me sunshine. She said my smile reminded her of sunshine. Before she fell asleep, she took my hand in hers and said ‘when I go to sleep, look at the sun and think of me. Then I’ll be with you every day.’”

She heard Dean sniffle and turned her head to see a tear fall from his eye. “It sounds like she was wise beyond her years.”

“She was.” Shaking her head, she pulled herself together and changed the subject. “What about you? What happened on the job that brought you to a random bar in the middle of the night?”

He was hesitant at first, asking if she believed in things that others thought impossible - ghosts, vampires, demons. Before Tessa, she would’ve said no, but now it seemed plausible. “I do.”

“I hunt them. The things that go bump in the night that no one believes in. I’ve been doing it since I was a kid.”

Her heart ached for him. Only a tragedy could get a young boy into such a horrific line of work.

“Tonight, my brother and I lost a father and son because we couldn’t move fast enough.”

“I’m sorry, Dean,” she said softly. She felt this innate desire to comfort him, to tell him he’d probably done all he could, but something in her told her Dean wasn’t the kind of man to rid himself of guilt with so few words. He carried it with him. “I really am.”

“Thanks, Sunshine.”

----

For the first time in weeks, she awoke the next morning to the burn of the sun, but her instinct wasn’t to shield her gaze. Instead, she craned her neck backward, hair slipping against the cool leather of Dean’s jacket. They’d fallen asleep on the bench. “Morning, Sunshine,” he mumbled. “Didn’t mean for us to fall asleep on a park bench.”

“Me either,” she replied honestly. “But honestly it’s been the best sleep I’ve had in months.”

Dean grumbled in agreement. Apparently, he wasn’t much of a morning person. “Wanna grab breakfast?”

She hesitated a moment before her stomach entered the conversation. “I’d like that.”

At the diner, she ordered bacon and eggs and toast to Dean’s pancakes and bacon. Then they ordered an extra side of bacon to split because neither could get enough bacon. They didn’t speak another word of her daughter or his job. “Favorite color?” He asked. “Mine’s red.”

“Green. Three favorite foods? Obviously bacon is one.”

“Pizza and a big fat juicy burger.”

“Pizza and bacon, and then probably really good sushi.”

Dean made a face and they laughed. He liked grade-B horror movies and Disney movies, though he wouldn’t admit to the latter to many. She loved psychological thrillers and gross out comedies. “The really stupid ones that make you question your intelligence,” she laughed. “I like turning my brain off.”

As they paid, Dean pulled her close. “Maybe one day, we can watch one of those together. Order a pizza.”

“Meat lover’s?” She offered, handing him her phone so he could give her his number.

His smile shone brighter than the morning’s sunrise. “Is there any other kind?”

With ease, they strode out of the diner and back into the worn leather seats of the Impala. She still didn’t know this man, not really. He was a monster-hunting, leather jacket-wearing lover of bacon, pizza, crappy horror and Disney, but she didn’t know him. Yet, she gave him her address without a thought and allowed him to walk her to her front door. “Sunshine, with my job, my brother and I are kinda all over the place, but I’d like to see you again. If that’s okay with you.”

“That’s more than okay with me.”

Dean returned her soft smile and slipped his fingers between hers, tugging her gently until her lips were mere millimeters from his. She glanced at them, inviting him to kiss her. Whatever she imagined him doing, he took her by surprise, pressing the most of chaste of kisses to her lips before pulling away. “I’ll talk to you soon, Sunshine. Okay?” He squeezed her hands in his, a further affirmation of his promise.

When he began to walk away, she called after him. “Thanks, Dean.”

“Anytime.”

----

It was nearly two and a half weeks before they saw each other again, but in the time apart, they texted and called nearly every day, each time letting the other in on a little more of who they truly were outside of their first meeting. “What do you miss most about being a kid?” He asked, voice low and whispery.

“Sam sleeping?”

“Yea,” he replied with a yawn. “I’m not tired yet.”

“You sound it,” she said. “Would it be too cliche to say not having to pay bills?”

Dean chuckled. “Yes, I mean something that tells me something about you.”

“There was a lake nearby my house when I was a kid. Well, not nearby, more like a couple hours away. But my parents would take me there a couple times a year. We’d build sand castles and look for seashells. I miss that. What about you?”

“I didn’t really have much a childhood. I was learning how to hunt before I turned 10. When we were young though, I read to Sammy a lot. Help him get to sleep, you know? I miss that.”

“I’m sorry, Dean.”

“Don’t be. It’s in the past.” This time he yawned so hard he could no longer deny that he needed to pass out for the night. “We’ll be passing through in a couple of days. Can I take you on an actual date?”

Smiling sadly to herself, she rested her hand over her tightening chest. “Looking forward to it.”

----

As promised, Dean showed up at her door two days later with a bouquet of flowers in hand. “How did you know these are my favorite?” She asked, inhaling the sweet scent.

“Educated guess. Now, we’re gonna go to one of my favorite burger joints-bar-tavern things in the area. They have this killer bacon cheeseburger with an egg grilled into the middle of it that you have to try. They also have pool, so I can teach you how to play.”

During one of their nightly phone calls, she asked them how they made a living doing what they did. Hustling pool, the occasional credit card fraud. You know, the usual, he’d laughed.

You’ll have to teach me.

“Sounds amazing.”

Reaching into the closet for her jacket, she glanced at the small purple coat, still hanging there, and felt her heart skip a beat. How was she able to go out and smile and have fun barely two months after losing a piece of her heart? It felt so wrong. And yet being with Dean felt so right, so natural.

He’s a strong man, but he’ll let his guard down with those he trusts.

She swallowed back bile and quickly pulled her jacket out, closing the door against realizations and realities she couldn’t indulge. Plastering a fake smile across her face, she slipped the jacket over her shoulders and allowed herself to believe for one moment that life wasn’t as cruel as it seemed to be.

----

“Sunshine, I think you might be the perfect woman,” Dean laughed.

At that moment, she was acutely aware of the grease running down her chin. “What this whole, chipmunk look with food in my mouth, guzzling beer is a turn on for you?”

Dean licked his lips and took another bite of his own burger. “Yup.”

“I can’t help it, this might be the best burger I’ve ever had. And that’s saying something.”

“I told you,” he laughed. It didn’t take long for them to finish their food. “Burger is filling, but they have killer pie too. Wanna split a piece?”

She nodded and watched as Dean easily flagged down the waitress and asked for slice of “good ol’ apple.” “The best one they have, followed closely by cherry.”

Dean looked horrified when she grimaced. “Not a big cherry fan. Blueberry, peach, apple. That’s about it on the fruit pies.”

Less than two minutes after the pie came to the table, it was gone. “We should probably go,” Dean said, craning his head back to the door where a line of hungry dinner guests were waiting. “I think our waitress might kill us if we stay any longer.”

Chuckling, you stood up and reached for your wallet before Dean insisted he pay. “First date, remember?”

“Thanks, Dean.”

Hand in hand, they walked out the diner and toward the Impala. It was so easy to be with him and more often than not he found herself smiling when he was nearby. But she didn’t have the luxury of falling in love, not if it meant she never got to see her daughter again.

Tessa said he needed to trust her before...before she did it. “Up for a surprise?” She asked.

Dean raised an eyebrow, clearly taken aback. “Sure, I never get surprises anymore. Where to?”

Without telling Dean what she was up to, she directed him where to go. Less than five minutes later, she approached a park - the same one she used to take her daughter to. “I used to take my daughter here,” she said, zoning off as a vibrant picture played before her eyes. A little girl in a yellow dress ran across the grass and toward her favorite slide. “Sorry. Got lost in a memory.”

Dean’s easy-going smile from earlier faded away when he saw the sadness in her eyes. “We don’t have to be here,” he offered, looking back toward the car.

“No, it’s okay.” It really wasn’t. But it was a reminder of why she was here, why she was doing exactly what she was doing despite the darkness eating at her from the inside out. “I wanted to share. There’s no one here at night.”

Dean chuckled and pulled her in to kiss her before running onto the playground set like a giant child. He ran up the metal slide and stuck his head out through a tube. “Come on! Let’s play!”

Allowing herself the opportunity to let go, if only for a moment, she ran up to meet him and chased him around the small area before she tripped and fell, bringing her down with him. “Been a while since I’ve been a kid,” he said, helping her up. They sat on the wood mulch of the playground underneath the slide and he pulled her close. “Thanks.”

“It’s no problem.” For a moment, she hesitated. “You said you used to read to Sam right?”

“Mmhmm.”

“Did anyone ever read to you?” When she looked back, she saw sadness in his eyes. “No?”

“Not that I can remember.”

“Close your eyes.”

Without hesitation, his eyelids fluttered closed. She reached into her pocket for her phone, hand shaking at the intimacy of the moment and the pain she felt. As she read - Vonnegut, considering he’d mentioned it in passing during one of their phone calls - he relaxed into her. Eventually, his head lay in her lap, her fingers twirling his messy brown locks. Hours passed. The only reason either noticed was due to the placement of the moon, now bouncing off the slide and onto the metal of a nearby bench.

Dean sat up, sleep pulling at his eyes as he kissed her cheek. “Thanks, Sunshine. I can’t remember the last time I felt that relaxed.”

Swallowing the lump in her throat, she replied, softly. “Me either.”

----

Two months passed before they saw one another again, but not a day went by with at least a text. Sometimes it was just “I’m okay. Still alive,” other days they were able to actually talk, asking each other the most random questions in an attempt to know one another inside and out. “Hey, Sunshine,” Dean said as she opened the door.

Smiling, she allowed herself to be pulled into his embrace, his lips finding hers. “Hello to you to, Dean. I’ve missed you.” In the months since they’d seen each other, she’d made an attempt to clean her home. TV dinners were no longer piled up in the kitchen. Garbage was taken out when it needed to be. Occasionally, she would even open the blinds. Still, her daughter’s bear sat on the windowsill as a reminder of what she needed to do.

Dean was unlike any other man she’d ever met and with him, she found herself content, even happy. But what did that say, if she allowed herself the happiness her little girl never got to experience?

“Now, I know I said a couple days ago that we’d go get a bite to eat, maybe take a drive, but then I got an idea. Trust me?” There was a boyish glint in his eyes she couldn’t deny.

Her mouth dropped open when she saw him remove a blindfold from his back pocket. “Kinky!”

“Not like that...not yet,” he replied, eyes full of hope.

Dean wrapped the blindfold around her eyes and led her to the car. He would entertain a single question about where they were headed until shortly later, he stopped, picked her up out of the passenger seat and placed her on the ground before removing the material covering her eyes. “We’re at the beach,” she whispered in disbelief. “You remembered.” Tears burned at the corners of her eyes, emotion running wild. Despite the beautiful weather, the shadows nipped at her feet.

“Of course.” He crouched down to kiss her and wiped the tears away with the pads of his thumbs. “I made macaroni salad, pie, and I brought all the fixings for the perfect burger, which I can make on this.” He pulled out a small grill. “My George Foreman! This is the best thing in the world.”

As promised, Dean made delicious bacon cheeseburgers with a runny egg in the middle, just as they’d had at the diner months before. After every ounce of red meat was gone, they walked along the beach, toes in the sand and looked for seashells. Given that the nearest real beach was hundreds of miles away, seashells were a rarity, but it was perfect nonetheless.

The sun began to set, blue giving way to purples and pinks as they swayed together on the beach. “My place,” Dean started, “The place I share with my brother between cases, it’s about a half hour from here, do you want to-?”

“Really?” She asked. Her stomach dropped. He trusted her. Enough to bring her home, to the place he shared with his brother, the only other person in world he cared for. “You sure?”

“I am.”

If only she was too.

----

Despite how much Dean talked about him, Sam wasn’t what she expected him to be. She grasped his outstretched hand and feigned shyness, unable to look him in the eye knowing what she would eventually do. “Dean talks about you all the time,” he said, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I knew you had to be some kind of woman.”

“Dean’s told me a lot about you. Mostly good,” she replied with a smile. “It’s great to finally meet you, Sam.”

After she said goodnight, Dean led her down the wide hallways of what they called “the bunker,” his hand heavy and insistent on the small of her back. Inside, he backed her up against the wall, against the shadows, and captured her lips in a kiss so delicate and sincere she would’ve collapsed were it not for him.

In spite of herself, she sunk into his embrace and wrapped her arms around his neck as he carried her to bed. He trusted her. She knew it in the way he touched her, moaned her name, drank her in. But mostly she knew it in the way he fell asleep peacefully at her side that night.

----

On the morning after their night together, Dean had practically begged her to move into the bunker. “When you leave, I miss you. I hate...being without you.”

She’d been hesitant, but with each excuse he’d countered it. “You make me happy, Sunshine.”

Everything in her had screamed to run, but the earnestness in his gaze pulled her in and she’d complied. While they were away on cases, she would walk around the bunker, gaining more and more insight into the man she’d fallen in love with. Tessa had to be wrong. Dean was a good man - the best she’d ever met.

Screaming into the cold concrete walls of the bunker, she called for Tessa. “I know you’re watching me, you bitch! Answer me!” She slammed her fists against the wall, but no amount of pain could make her feel. “Where the fuck are you?!”

Barreling through the halls like a storm, she gasped when she turned the corner to see her there - the same determination emanating from her as the night they’d met. “Having second thoughts?”

“I can’t do this,” she sobbed, falling to her knees in front of the reaper. “Dean is not the man you think he is. He doesn’t deserve this.”

Disdain radiated from each word. “You only know the man he claims to be.”

“No! I know him. He’s kind. He’s gentle. He does what he does for love. And if he crossed you it’s because you deserved it.” Tears streamed down her face.

Tessa’s gaze melted from soft and endearing into furious and frightening in a matter of seconds. Picking her up by the throat, Tessa tossed her back against the wall. “You’ll follow through on our deal or I will alter it. Get rid of him and you will get your daughter back. She’ll be just as she was and the two of you will live a happy life together. Go back on your promise to me and I will make sure your daughter’s spirit rots in hell for the rest of eternity!”

Sobbing, she clawed at Tessa’s hands. “My daughter did nothing to deserve this! You-”

“BUT DEAN HAS!” She bellowed so loudly it felt as if the walls shook. “And I will use whoever and whatever I need to make him pay.”

“You can’t. You said yourself your bosses don’t trust you anymore!”

“True.” She spoke coolly, her fury gone and replaced with something along the razor’s edge of composure. “But they want Dean dead as badly as I do, if not for the same reasons. Get rid of him, Sunshine,” she said mockingly. “Or I will find someone who will and your daughter will burn.” Without another word, she left her trembling on the floor of the bunker, shadows closing in from every angle.

----

As the weeks passed into months, she awoke each night, screaming, picturing her daughter calling out for her from the fires of hell, begging for her to save her. Dean would lull her back to sleep with made-up stories he used to tell Sam and fervent kisses that said what he couldn’t.

With the deadline looming large, she tried to think of any way to get the job done. At first, she thought of drugging him with pills. An entire bottle would do the trick and he would fall asleep not knowing the monster that shared his bed, but Tessa wouldn’t allow it, appearing to her again. “I can’t get near him, but you can.”

She was in over her head. Her choices were slim. Either tell Dean, bear the brunt of his hatred and never see her daughter again, or do as Tessa commanded, hate herself and save her daughter’s damned soul. Self-hatred streamed through her veins, but she had no choice.

What started as “kill him in whatever way you can” had morphed into Tessa brandishing a knife she was to use. Every time she tried, pulled the knife from her pocket and attempted to do the unthinkable, she saw his green eyes fade away into darkness. For weeks, she made herself ill, throwing up every day and shivering to sleep in Dean’s embrace at night.

Dean thought she’d been cursed as a way to hurt him, but they couldn’t find any evidence. They’d taken her to the hospital, but unsurprisingly she’d had a clean bill of health. Only she knew the cause of her pain.

“Come on, Sunshine” he said excitedly, “I have a surprise for you.”

Taking his hand, she followed him out of the bunker to a clearing in a forest just a short way away, where he had another picnic, like the one so many months before, set up underneath the stars. “It’s been 11 months since the first night we met. I probably should’ve waited for a full year, but I couldn’t help myself.”

Awash in darkness, she began to cry. He pulled her close and they began to sway, a clumsy dance that brought a smile to his face. There was no time left. Reaching into her pocket, she grasped the handle of the knife. “I’m sorry, Dean.” Before she could stop herself, she plunged the blade into his chest.

He grabbed the blade, hissing in pain as she pulled herself away. “Why?” He choked, hands shaking around the knife’s handle. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” she sobbed, backing away. “I had no choice.”

A moment years in the making, Tessa made herself known, kicking his phone away before he could call for help. “How does it feel, Dean? Knowing the woman you love betrayed you?”

With a self-satisfied smile, she disappeared momentarily, only to reappear with her baby girl at her side. Dean made the connection. “I could’ve helped you. I would’ve...I-”

Tessa ushered her away, demanding she run as Dean fell to the ground. “I’m sorry,” she breathed, holding her daughter tight to her chest. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, Mama. I’m okay.” She remembered nothing.

Through the tear-stained forest, Sunshine ran from the light - the memories of Dean’s touch, his soothing voice, his gentle kiss - and into the darkness, her constant.

#i lied to stu #cbr's 3k celebration #dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester x you #dean winchester x y/n #dean winchester fanfiction #dontshootmespence #as i watched in sorrow

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serenityseventeen · 3 years

Text

Love & Letter: To The Thirteen Boys I've Loved Before

The Sixth Letter

----------------

To: Lee Jihoon

From: Y/N

I'm sorry.

Jihoon, I will not blame you for anything. If I were in your shoes, I would have been even more irritated than you were. I'm still irritated, actually.

I know for certain that you probably hate me so I will begin this letter for you by reminding us of our good times when no one was there to butt in.

When we first met in tech audio, I was really surprised that you were a musical genius. You knew how to work the garage band app right away and since we sat next to each other, I could already tell that you were familiar with it.

You were also able to play the guitar and the piano. I've always liked music so seeing someone play those two instruments just fascinated me. Not only that, but you also played the clarinet well.

You've probably lived around music all your life, right? I listen to music almost everywhere I go, every day, it's one of my human needs, but I have to admit, even after learning a bit of piano from you, I still have almost no idea about music. Genres of music are still hard to identify for me and I can still barely tell the difference in chords. I'm still thankful that you took the time out of your worktime to help me understand more about music.

Honestly, when I first saw you, Jihoon, I was intimidated. You didn't like exactly friendly and I just stupidly thought that you were one of those ‘perfectionist’ students who only cared for their grades and being the best. Also, just the way you looked when you didn't smile gave me that impression. However, when you smiled, you looked completely different. You looked cute. We laughed a lot together too.

I bet you that on our first assignment, I must've looked like a complete tech idiot. The assignment was just to come up with your original piece of music by messing around on the app. Was my confusion that easy to see through?

I don't know, but I think the moment that you helped me was when I started to realize you as the person you are now. You taught me how to use the app in such a gentle tone, you know that? I still feel like I can listen to your voice forever and I won't get bored of it.

I was happy with our forming friendship. I felt like I could truly be your friend. Plus, we had one other class together so I was able to talk with you a lot about music. Everything you say fascinates me and makes me believe that you are a musical genius. I still believe that you are even if I can't hear your songs anymore.

Speaking of your music, I think you should become a ‘pro’ music producer, lyricist, composer, songwriter, of them all. Your talent in music is truly undeniable!

That first piece you showed me called “17”, I have to say that that song may be my favorite out of all the songs you've sent me. I still have all the music files stored in my phone and I'll never delete them. It's not because I still like you that I'm keeping them but it's because I like the song. I might put them into an mp3 player and stick them on the back of this letter. Out of the 13 songs you've shown me, there was not one that I disliked.

Your voice is also heavenly. I love it. I don't understand why you aren't getting yourself a whole career already! You don't know this but when I was playing your song “Rock”, my father was totally digging it! Even my next-door neighbor wanted to know who was the artist behind “20”!

There was also that time when you were helping me learn how to read music using the piano and our hands kept brushing against each other. Our shoulders were also glued together because the seat was so small. If your heart was racing just as much as how pink your ears turned, then please, believe me, my heart was beating twice as fast.

You didn't just teach me music and show me your creations, you also shared music that you enjoyed. A lot of the songs are still in my playlist. You have great taste in music too, Jihoon. I enjoyed every moment we spent just sitting at the window of the classroom, sharing headphones and listening to the songs you liked.

When they were love songs, I just couldn't help thinking that you chose the song for a reason. I'm quite an overthinker. I always thought that maybe one of the songs you showed me held your heart and maybe they did, but now I'll never know.

I'm your fan, Jihoon, even though you probably wouldn't want me to be anymore. I still admire you and I respect you a lot, that's why I'm deciding to write you this letter. I'm not going to get too close to you, I won't even try to bring us back to what we were because now, it's too awkward between us. I know that deep inside, you must feel so a deep hatred toward me, even if it wasn't entirely my fault.

I've realized what kind of person you are, Jihoon. You're kind, caring, talented in almost everything, shy, and stubborn. You love music. You hate it when someone who isn't close to you gets all up in your business as if they know everything. You also hate narcissists. You're selfless and humble.

I don't know who you told but I'm sorry. Your trust must have been completely broken. I mean, I can just imagine how painful it would be, being an introvert and telling someone your crush while trusting them to keep the secret only to have them spill it to the person's friends.

I hate my friends because they ruined our relationship but since they are my friends, I just can't abandon them as if we didn't spend years being best buddies. I've been distancing myself from them for a while now but I think it won't be long until we continue hanging out again. I want to hang out with you too but you must feel so... angry.

I heard that you're not friends with the guy who leaked the secret that you liked me. I truly hope that you can find a friend that is a true friend. I don't want you to live in fear and keep everything to yourself. I'll always be here for you though, so please, even if I don't speak with you, you can speak to me.

Gosh, what am I saying? It can't be fixed.

You must've overheard it when my friends dragged me away from your cafeteria table and whispered to me, “Did you know? He likes you!”

I was flustered and when I turned back to you, I still remember seeing your hands clench. That's when I sort of knew that we wouldn't be friends anymore.

Even after having your trust broken, you continued to hang out around me, which made me believe that if I confessed my feelings to you when the time was right, we could fall in love. So, I spent a lot of time learning about you.

That's when my friends came in again. They started teasing us in front of the whole class, saying all that stupid cheesy shit. I was ready angry and kept telling them to stop but they wouldn't because they just thought I was like them.

‘When you're in high school, you don't want the person in the relationship, you just want a relationship.’

That was not the case for me but that's what they thought. I wanted you, Jihoon. I was ready to teach you about me and get to know you better so that when I was ready to love, we would be able to stay together.

My friends are stupid.

They continued to pressure us to be together.

Knowing you, you must've gotten extremely annoyed and fed up with it, enough for you to end your friendship with me. And that's exactly what happened, right?

Each day, for a month, they came to our desks singing stupid love songs meant for children. They were so childish and I was growing so sick of it. I knew that you didn't like that shit. I knew that you were just enduring it but I couldn't stop it and I'm sorry.

We went through all that humiliation together. I think we could have had a better love story if your friend didn't leak your secret and my friends didn't act like children. I saw sparks in your eyes, that's why I had hope that we could fall in love together, but we couldn't even get ready to love.

I just remember that day when you ignored me. I was telling you that your piece sounded good and asked if I could get a listen, but you didn't reply to me at all. You still don't talk to me. It makes my heart ache.

When our friendship got ruined, I almost ruined my other friendships too. You don't know this but they kept pestering me, asking if you and I were finally dating and if we had a couple fight. They kept reassuring me as if they knew what we were going through and saying that it was just a small love fight and that we would recover soon. They didn't even know the problem was them so I yelled at them.

In the middle of the cafeteria, I slammed my hands on the table and shouted at them. I'm sure you heard me, you were in the same room. I'm pretty sure that you didn't know about this either but when I left the cafeteria in anger, I cried in the stall of a bathroom.

Now, I'm fine.

I wonder what you thought of me then. I mean, we still had to see each other but we didn't talk to each other like we were strangers. I was angry at you for not understanding me so I didn't want to speak or even glance in your direction, even if it did hurt to ignore you.

I think I know what you feel but all I'm thinking about your emotions are just assumptions in the end. You're a stranger to me now. A stranger that I loved.

You brought me the colors of music.

If only things didn't have to turn out so negatively. If only one friend kept his promise of keeping a secret... If only a group of friends didn't tease so annoyingly... Maybe then, things would be different.

Oh yeah, I'm sorry about this too. I overheard you playing a song the other day. Don't worry, I didn't record it but I cried to it. I just have a feeling that the song was about me. All the lyrics, the depressing but gorgeous sound of the piano, your emotional voice, it all brought tears to my eyes. Were you in pain?

I had never heard the song before. When I cried to it, I had my hands covering my mouth to keep noise from slipping. I don't know if you heard me because you just continued singing.

“Maybe I could have been a man

when everyone was telling me to.

But both choices were selfish,

keep you close or let me go,

so I chose

let's just not fall in love.”

I think your choice was for the better.

Sincerely,

Y/N

------------------

6/21/21 - 11:01 am

a/n: sigh... I feel like this letter was so relatable on so many levels. My former friends were like that, always wanting a relationship but not the person in the relationship. They're too desperate. + ARTHUR KYEOM COMEBACK!??!? SVT CHINESE DRAMA OST!?!?

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naughtyneganjdm · 3 years

Text

The Guest - Chapter 28

Summary: As the world turns to chaos, Joel & Y/N desperately try to get to Negan while Negan is dealing with everything that is going on with Lucille.

Characters: Negan, the reader (OC), Joel, Lucille, etc.

Warnings: Swearing, angst, blood, killing, etc.

Notes: Please make sure to read the notes at the end of this chapter. It's kind of important for the ending, so once you're done be sure to read those!

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20333263/chapters/70098489

“I really would rather you let me go with you,” Joel proclaimed walking into the bathroom as Y/N got ready to go see Negan. It was almost noon and that was the time she had agreed to meet Negan today at the home they shared together before Lucille had gotten sick. “I know that this is something that he asked you to do and you want to do it alone, but after what happened the other day…I don’t think you should be alone. I can wait in the car or something.”

“Joel, I’m going to the house and then I am coming straight home. I promise you that,” Y/N muttered, setting her brush down while looking at him in the mirror. His green-hazel eyes were locked on hers and it was clear that he was uncomfortable with this. “I will text you when I’m there and I will text you when I’m leaving. Just finish packing everything up for tomorrow. Soon, we’ll be at your cabin and everything will be fine. It will just be the four of us and we won’t have to worry about everyone else.”

“I know. I just can’t help, but worry about you,” Joel moved in behind her while she stood in front of the mirror. The warmth of him near her caused her to smile and she leaned back into his chest when she felt his arms wrapping loosely around her. Joel’s hands slid carefully in over the small swell of her abdomen and she lowered her hands to caress over his. “I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you or the baby.”

“We’ll be okay,” she promised with a sigh when the sensation of his lips teasing over the side of her neck was felt. Closing her eyes tightly, she took in the warmth of him and giggled when the roughness of his short beard teased over her skin. “I’m tough as nails.”

“You certainly are,” Joel agreed with a laugh. “Are you ready to tell him about the baby?”

“It’s time,” she insisted with a nod, knowing that she had beat around the bush more than she should have. It was obvious she was pregnant at this point and Negan would be living with them now. It would be extremely hard for her to continue to hide it. It would also be wrong not to tell him. She already felt bad enough about everything. If she didn’t have Joel to help her through all of this, she was certain that the world would have swallowed her whole. “I love you Joel.”

“I love you too sweetheart,” Joel assured her, nuzzling his nose against the inside of her neck before pulling back slowly. Y/N turned in his arms to face him and reached out to cup his face. “Just keep me updated. I’ll make sure to close things up here and finish getting all that we need.”

“Sounds good,” she tipped up on her toes to kiss over Joel’s lips. She took her time, knowing that it was nice to have someone who worried about her like Joel did. Even if she may have thought he was a little too nervous about everything that was going on, she appreciated the gesture that he wanted to keep both her and Negan safe. “I’ll be back soon.”

“And I’ll be waiting,” Joel muttered moving out of the restroom. When they made it to the living room, she watched him turn on the television to put the news on.

“You probably shouldn’t be watching that because you are already nervous enough,” she reminded him and Joel gave her a worried expression. The last few days she had managed to convince him to leave the television off. Grudgingly, he agreed to it, but it was clear that it didn’t help him calm down. “If it makes you feel better, that’s one thing, but I think the news has you tense since the thing with Negan happened.”

“Well, I promise as soon as we make it to the cabin tomorrow…I’ll ease up on the news,” Joel took a seat on the arm of the couch to watch what they were saying. “It’s almost noon. You should probably get going.”

“Love you,” she brushed her fingers through his hair before sliding her palm down the side of his face to tease her fingertips through the rough hair covering his face. Stealing another kiss from him, she sighed heavily and shrugged her shoulders. “I’d be lost without you.”

“The feeling is mutual honey,” Joel whispered against her lips, closing his eyes while she slowly kissed him over and over again.

“I’ll be back,” she squeezed at his hands in a supportive grasp and backed away slowly. Giving him a wink, she headed for the door and left for the house she had been living with Negan in previously.

There was an incredible amount of pressure she felt on the way over to the house. Guilt was the number one thing she was feeling. For so long she kept the pregnancy from Negan because of what Lucille asked of her. Undoubtedly, she thought Negan would be mad at her for not telling him. It was something he deserved to know and now she knew that. She just wondered if it would be something she would blurt out immediately or something she would wait to say. It scared her to know what his response to it would be. It was either going to go really bad or really good depending on how he was probably feeling.

When she got to the house it was disappointing to see that Negan wasn’t there yet, but the best thing she could do was go in and start grabbing the things that she thought they may need at the cabin. She also pulled some boxes from the garage and began to pack up some of the things she was certain that they could just put into storage. Knowing that she was pregnant, she wasn’t trying to pack anything too heavy just in case. It was best that she could help any way that she could though. There was no reason to put all of the moving on Negan’s shoulders after everything he had gone through.

When she made it to the mantle, she reached for the photo that was on top of it of the two of them together. Dragging her thumb over the side of the picture frame, she couldn’t help feeling an incredible amount of sadness while looking at it. There were genuine smiles and happiness in the picture making her think about what they had before it all fell to shit. The way she felt about Negan was so pure and so real in the past. She would have done anything for him then because he was her everything. In her life, Y/N would probably never feel the kind of love she had for Negan again. He was her first and it had felt like it would be the end of the world if she had lost him. There was no doubt that Negan was her world back then. Everything back then seemed easier and as close to perfect as possible. It took some bad things happening for her to realize that her relationship with Negan wasn’t as perfect as she always thought it was. Waking up to reality hurt, but she knew that she loved Negan and that was never going to leave her.

Reaching for the bag she brought with her, she put the frame in there. She knew that wasn’t something she absolutely needed to bring with her, but she wanted it. Having something that showed their original happiness together was something she felt she needed and wanted. Having proof that something was perfect for them would serve as a good reminder.

After a while of going through things she started to notice that it was quite a while past noon and she wasn’t hearing from Negan. Pulling out her phone, she tried calling Negan to see if he would be coming soon and didn’t get a response. Instead of worrying, she just imagined that Negan was still preparing to leave with Lucille and sent him a text as well.

Taking her time, she grabbed some of the things she knew she wanted from the house. When she stepped outside the sound of someone screaming caught her attention and she looked across the street to see that the neighbors seemed to be in a fight. It seemed to be a very physical fight and she didn’t know how to react to seeing it. The husband had the wife pinned down to the grass. It was strange because in all the time living there, they didn’t seem like those kind of people.

“Hey,” Y/N called out, clutching to her bag that was beside her. Keeping her mouth shut and moving on may have been the better choice in this whole situation due to her being pregnant, but she couldn’t just let this continue to happen. “That’s enough, let her go.”

The neighbor continued to ignore her and she could hear the wife pleading for help before making a strange sound, “Let her go! I’m going to call the cops if you…”

Y/N found herself going silent when she saw the man lift his head and turn to look over his shoulder at her. What she saw caused Y/N to stop dead in her tracks. The man’s lower face was covered in blood and it made her stomach immediately turn. Looking beneath him, she could see that it looked like the husband had been biting on the woman’s face.

“What the hell?” she backstepped away from him, reaching for her cellphone that was in her pocket. Slowly the man began to rise and she held her hand up in the air as if warning him to stay back. “I’m calling the police.”

An overwhelming sense of fear flooded through her as a long line of blood dripped from the man’s lips and there seemed to be pieces of flesh hanging from his mouth. This was a man she had met several times in the past and she was absolutely certain that his eyes were brown, but there was a blue-white tint to his eyes that made her nervous.

In the distance something sounded like an explosion and it made her jump. It pulled her attention away from the man for only a second when she saw the smoke. Moving backwards, she noticed the neighbor making his way toward her and she headed slowly toward the car.

“Stay back,” she muttered again, but her warnings did nothing as he continued to advance her. Attempting to grab the keys, Y/N watched the man lunge at her and she moved quick enough toward the other end of the car so she could use the car to her advantage. “Listen, I don’t know what’s wrong with you…”

A growl erupted from the man’s throat and she quickly moved around the car when he moved for her again. Bracing her hand against the car she now noticed at the corner of her eye that the woman the man had been attacking started rising to her feet. There were large amounts of flesh missing from her face to the point that she could see her teeth from the gaps in flesh.

“Fuck me…” Y/N scrambled back toward the house when the woman began making her way over toward the house where she was. Just when she reached the door a gasp fell from her throat when she felt a force grabbing a hold of her ankle making her fall to the ground. Thankfully she was able to brace her fall on her hands so the fall didn’t affect her body. Just beyond her, there was a small shovel that she had been using to garden the last time she was living at the house. Reaching for it, she felt the weight of the man moving over her and she swung her hand back managing to hit the man in the face with the small shovel. It caused the man to jolt back, but almost immediately he turned to look at her and she could see she caused a massive gash over the side of his face, but it didn’t affect him at all.

“Hey!” she heard the next-door neighbor scream out when Y/N braced her hand firmly over the center of the man’s chest when he attempted to pin her down and his wife was approaching. Was this the virus that Joel had heard about on the news? The man next door had drawn the attention of the wife and she watched the wife take off after the man. What the hell was happening? “Get off!”

Trying to use all the power she had in her body, she pushed as hard as she could into the center of the man’s chest, but he was overpowering her. The blood from his lips was dripping onto her clothes and his mouth snapped over and over again. He was trying to bite her just like he had done his wife. If she reached for the shovel again, she wouldn’t be able to brace him away from her so she felt like she was stuck in this position. Desperately she wanted to overpower him, but no matter how hard she tried, she felt him continue to lower in closer to her.

In the distance she could hear the neighbor that attempted to help her screaming. Obviously, he was being attacked just as she was, but it didn’t sound like he was better off. The man was getting exceedingly close to her and there was nothing she could do to stop him. The sound of him snapping his teeth together every time he attempted to bite her caused her to flinch.

“Stop!” Y/N attempted to scream out and just when it seemed like the man was going to overpower her completely the sound of loud clank filled the air. The power of the man above her weakened and she managed to shove him off of her and to the ground. Immediately someone was reaching for her and pulled her quickly to her feet.

“Get behind me,” Joel’s thick southern accent filled the air as he clung tightly to the tire iron that he had hit the man in the head with to get him off of her. Y/N grasped tightly to Joel as the man he had hit with the tire iron slowly began to get up. There were growls coming from his throat and when the man lunged at them again Joel swung the tire iron once more bashing the man upside the head. It caused the man to hit the ground hard and Joel’s chest was rising and falling heavily when he looked down at the man.

“Joel,” she called out to him seeing him looking to the man he had just attacked. The tire iron he had used to hit the man was covered in flesh and blood from the strength of the hit that Joel had delivered. There was a sense of shock over Joel’s face because it was clear he had just killed the man that had attempted attacking her. “Joel!”

“We uh…” Joel lifted his head, finally clearing his throat when he took notice in the distance that multiple people now seemed to be being attacked. Joel moved before her in a protective stance and he nodded toward the house. “Where is Negan?”

“He’s not here,” she answered with a worried breath and Joel reached for her hand. Desperately she reached for the bag she had dropped as Joel began to lead her toward the SUV he had brought while still clinging tightly to the tire iron in his other hand. “Joel, we have to wait for Negan.”

“Sweetheart, the only reason I’m here is because there is some really bad shit going on and the news is what told me about it. All you have to do is look around right now to see how bad it is. We can’t sit here and wait for Negan,” Joel insisted moving her to the passenger’s side of the SUV while hurriedly moving and trying to pay attention to the environment around them. When he got her in the car, he immediately closed the door and ran to the driver’s side. Looking in the back, she saw that Joel had put Ghost there when he left the house. Once Joel was in the car, he set the tire iron down by her feet and then began to fumble with his seatbelt. There was no doubt that he was panicked, but he was doing his best to stay calm, likely for her. “We need to get the fuck out of here right now Y/N. People are being attacked everywhere; they are saying people are sick. That this disease is causing people to come back from the dead.”

“What?” she blurt out with a confused sound. The idea of that was ridiculous, but Joel threw his bloody hand up in the air. “They are dead? How is that possible.”

“You know, I really didn’t stick around to listen to the how. I just got my ass over here and I reckon it was great that I did,” Joel’s nervous southern twang made her realize how all along Joel was right to be scared and nervous. There was nothing but regret when it hit her how wrong she was to make him feel like it was ridiculous for his worries and fears.

The sound of something hitting the side of the SUV was heard and Joel looked to see the woman from across the street hitting at the door over and over again. Loud barks and growls were heard from the back seat from Ghost as it scared him and it made their dog go immediately into protective mode. Blood was smearing over the window as Joel fumbled with the keys to get the SUV started up.

“Ghost,” Joel reached out to try and touch the dog to keep him calm while working with getting the hell out of there. Ghost instead focused on the immediate threat and continued to growl at the woman outside the car. Y/N’s heart was pounding inside of her chest, reaching to clasp to the tire iron that Joel had thrown beside her feet. If someone were to get in, she would have to think fast, but a breath of relief filled the air when Joel got the engine started.

“We need to find Negan,” she demanded taking in the scenery around her. With seeing so many people getting attacked, her first thought was how unprotected he would be while being at the hospital.

“Baby, this is happening everywhere,” Joel informed her, recalling the information that he did manage to catch from the news. Immediately, he put the SUV in reverse and pulled out of the driveway so fast that it caused the woman to drag while she was grasping to the car. When Joel slammed on the breaks, it was enough for the woman’s grip to release on the door and she rolled into the middle of the street. Joel stopped long enough to see the woman slowly rise in the middle of the street. The fact that half her face was just about missing, yet she still kept coming made this feel like a horrible nightmare. Something you would only see from the movies. Joel slammed on the gas and plowed through the woman which caused Y/N to let out nervous yelp when the car bounced as they rolled over the woman. Joel tried to keep a straight face while he drove down the street, but she could see that his arms were shaking. “I’m getting you and the baby to that cabin. This is happening everywhere. As soon as I heard what was happening, I got in the SUV to come and find you. I almost didn’t make it to you Y/N. I left the address on the refrigerator door with his name on a note. If he comes looking for us, he’ll probably see the note.”

“We’re getting Negan,” Y/N repeated her words making Joel glance over at her from the driver’s seat. There was a sense of panic flooding his body and a look in his eyes that she had never seen before. Joel was always her strength, so the fact that he was scared meant something big. While she knew he was scared, she couldn’t just leave Negan. Not after everything that happened. “We can’t just leave him Joel. I don’t know what’s going on, but this…this is…”

“Feels a whole hell of a lot like a horrible fucking movie,” Joel answered, clinging tightly to the steering wheel. “People are eating people Y/N! We need to get to the cabin immediately. No on is there. It will be safe and we can lock ourselves in until someone gets this all figured out. You were almost killed.”

“Joel, I love you, but I’m not letting Negan stay here,” Y/N reiterated reaching for her phone again to attempt to call Negan.

“Y/N, he’s at the hospital. If he’s not here and he’s not answering his phone, there is a good chance that…” Joel cleared his throat uneasily and he let out a nervous sound. “I don’t want to think like this Y/N, but there is a strong change he’s not here anymore.”

“Don’t say that. Negan is alive and we’ll find him. You need to go to the hospital,” she felt her heart pounding inside of her chest at the very suggestion that Negan might be dead. “We can’t leave without him.”

“The hospital is probably the most dangerous place to go right now,” Joel tried to insist again giving her a quick look before returning his eyes to the road. There was panic and worry in her eyes. Her whole body was tense and he knew that she was worried about Negan. More than anything, he wanted to put her first. She was what was important. While he loved and cared for Negan, he knew that going to the hospital would put Y/N in danger, but she was hearing none of it. His jaw flexed and he slammed his eyes shut. There was no way she was going to let him leave without then trying to find Negan. “Okay…okay. We’ll go get Lucille and Negan, but as soon as we get them…we’re leaving.”

“As long as we have them,” Y/N felt her bottom lip trembling as she continued to try to call Negan over and over again. With him not answering his phone, she found herself scared. Scared that something actually did happen to him. Joel was right. If he wasn’t at the house and he wasn’t answering his phone, there was a big chance that he wasn’t here anymore. God, she hoped that wasn’t the case.

Taking notice of the mayhem that was going on around them, Joel wasn’t wrong. It looked like the world was ending. How had she been this completely oblivious to the world around them? While she hadn’t left the house in a while until today, she never took the time to even acknowledge what might be happening.

This whole time she thought Joel was kind of being ridiculous with how nervous he had been, but outside the SUV seemed like a horror movie that was taking place. Had she been so stuck inside of herself that she was actually missing that all of this was happening?

Clasping tightly to her phone, she looked to Joel and saw that he was still tremoring. The expression on his face looked like he was mortified and she reached out to place her hand over his thigh to give it a firm squeeze, “Are you okay?”

“I just killed a man Y/N and I’m sure I killed the woman I ran over,” Joel retorted with a nervous look, taking notice of the blood splatter that was over his hands and arms. “I mean…I’d do it all over again to keep you safe, but…I don’t know what to think. I killed two people.”

“They were going to kill me Joel,” she reminded him, reaching across the SUV to caress over the side of his face. Joel’s face was pale and he let out a shuddering exhale. “You did what you had to in order to keep me safe. You also just said these people were dead Joel. I know that’s hard to understand because I don’t even get it, but maybe they were already dead.”

“I know, I know…” Joel nodded trying to shake the feeling that he had from killing the person that had attempted to hurt Y/N. “I’ve just seen three people die recently and two at my own hands. This is just…a lot to take in.”

“Baby, I’m not sure that we could consider them alive in the first place,” she repeated trying to keep him in the right headspace so he didn’t have a meltdown over what he had done. Right now, they had to find Lucille and Negan. Negan was the father of her baby and even though she was head over heels for Joel, she still loved Negan too. They couldn’t leave him. They had to at least try to find him. “We’ll get Lucille and Negan. After we find them, we’ll go to the cabin and we will stay there for however long this needs to pass over. Everything is going to be okay.”

There was a fear that what she was saying was wrong. She wasn’t sure what she was going to find when they got to the hospital. All she knew is that she needed to find Negan and he needed to be okay. She had to convince herself that everything would be fine on their ride over to the hospital. Over and over again, she thought it to herself. They would get to the hospital, grab Lucille and Negan, then go to the cabin. That’s just had to be how it was going to be. If she thought anything else, she may have fallen apart and that’s not what they needed to happen.

----

Leaning forward in the hard-plastic seat he was in; Negan had his eyes locked on Lucille. The hospital had her on a ventilator to help her keep breathing after she had ended up in a coma. When she became unresponsive the day before, Negan had thought the worst. He felt blessed to still have her here with him but having her like this broke him. It seemed like the hospital thought there wasn’t much hope to have in Lucille waking up, but Negan didn’t want to believe it.

“Hey beautiful,” Negan spoke, reaching out to grab a soft hold of Lucille’s hand thinking back to the conversation they were having before she became unresponsive. Swallowing down hard, he prayed that she would wake up. That somehow, she would manage to be able to pull through and be able to live just a bit longer to be with him. He wasn’t ready to say goodbye to her yet. It was too soon. “You gotta open those beautiful green eyes for me. I love you so much.”

Getting choked up in the moment, Negan had his eyes hooked closely on Lucille hoping that maybe talking to God would actually help him. At least this once. He didn’t get to say goodbye. He didn’t get to do so many things that he wanted to with Lucille and this was so extremely hard. Lifting up enough, he pressed a kiss over her temple and felt tears burning at his eyes.

“I need you to know that you are everything to me,” Negan whispered in her ear, squeezing his hand firmly around hers. “I’m not perfect…I never was. Fuck, I’m a piece of dog shit in comparison to the rest of the world. You deserved so much better than me…so much better than this.”

Negan caressed his rough hand over her bald head feeling the warmth of his tears sliding down the side of his face. His body was shaking uncontrollably and he was at a complete loss of how to handle everything going on. For so long he tried to coach himself for a moment like this, but when it actually happened, he found himself losing control. Nothing could ever prepare someone for something like this.

“Did I do this to you? Is this my fault? Did God do this to me to punish me for all the wrongs I’ve done?” Negan almost whispered, pulling her hand up to his lips so he could deposit a kiss over the back of her hand. “If I would have been with you and not off screwing around, could we have found this cancer sooner? Would we have been able to catch it so it didn’t come to this? If I hadn’t upset you so damn much with my actions would you have been strong enough to fight this?”

Negan let the what ifs swallow him whole in his thoughts. More than anything he blamed himself for all of this. This was everything Lucille asked him not to do in blaming himself, but he couldn’t help it, “Baby, you have to beat this. Please…”

There were sounds of crashing outside the hospital room and Negan looked over his shoulder toward the door that was closed. People were being loud and Negan swallowed down hard while keeping Lucille’s hand still firmly in his. Truthfully, Negan didn’t care what was going on out there, but it sounded like a warzone. Whatever was going on, he had to drown it out and keep his focus on Lucille.

Turning his attention back to Lucille, it didn’t take long before the hospital door slammed open and a young male nurse was standing at the door breathing heavily. Negan looked over at the man, seeing the panic that was flooding his features.

“Sir! We’ve evacuated the hospital. This area is not safe! You need to come with me so we can get you out of here,” the nurse was breathless and Negan let out a disgusted breath, looking to Lucille who was still in the same state she was before.

“What? Why the hell would you do that?” Negan snapped, sliding in closer to Lucille’s hospital bed and he shook his head. If they needed to evacuate, what could be done to help Lucille? Why weren’t there more people to help them get Lucille out of there? “What can we do to help get her out of here?”

“You don’t understand mister! Have you not seen what’s going on out there?” the nurse desperately reached for Negan’s wrist and Negan powerfully pulled himself away from the man. “She is too sick to move. We can’t take her with us. There is nothing we can do for her.”

“Fuck that! What kind of hospital suggests leaving their sickest patients behind?” Negan snapped with a scowl pulling himself away from the younger man as the man tried to get Negan to come with him. What exactly was going on anyways that made the male nurse want to pull Negan away and leave behind Lucille anyways? “I’m not fucking leaving my wife.”

“You have to understand this is very serious. You could die!” the man blurt out in desperation trying to draw Negan toward him. Swatting the man’s hand away from him, Negan was having none of it.

“Get your fucking hands off of me! I’m staying here with Lucille. I’m not leaving her; do you understand me?” Negan snapped and the younger man stepped back from Negan with a disappointed, yet terrified look. “She needs me. More than ever and I’m not going to abandon her.”

“Fine, but I am telling you, it’s not safe here anymore sir,” the nurse explained with a shake of his head and he looked back into the hallway where there was still clearly drama happening by the loud sounds filling the air, but Negan wasn’t even sure what was happening. “Save yourself.”

The sound of an explosion went off as soon as the nurse left and Negan flinched looking toward the window of the hospital to see that there was smoke outside of the window. Immediately the smell filled the air and Negan let out a tense breath. Getting up slowly, he moved over toward the window and saw that one of the cars outside the hospital had been set on fire.

“Fuck…” Negan swallowed down seeing the large groups of people seemingly chasing after those that were outside the hospital. There were roars, screams and growling that suddenly reminded him of what he had seen with Joel the other day. From below one of the people looked up toward the window he was at and their eyes connected with Negan’s. They were pale blue-white and Negan could feel his heart pounding inside of his chest. “Those people…there is something wrong with them just like the other day.”

Another loud crashing sound was heard and Negan jumped looking to see that the door was left open from when the nurse had left. People were running down the hallways and Negan could see blood actually staining the floors from some that were running. Stepping closer to the door, he could see a teenage boy stopping when he spotted Negan there.

“Run man! Run,” the boy suggested and Negan grasped tightly to the door. Slamming the door shut, Negan braced his body in front of the door and felt his heart pounding. The adrenaline was flooding through his body and he didn’t know what the hell was happening.

“Fuck? What the fuck?” Negan surveyed the hospital room and knew that he had to keep both him and Lucille safe. Scrambling to the dresser they had in the hospital room, he pushed it in front of the door. It caused the television that was on top of the dresser to fall over and shatter against the floor, but he didn’t care. He had to keep them safe and that’s exactly what he was going to do.

----

Glancing over at Joel, Y/N watched him fumbling with the radio and when he fell upon a news channel, she could hear that the newscaster was talking about the dead coming back to life. They mentioned people who got bit were turning into these angry mobs that were attacking others. This had to be a bad dream. This was too much to comprehend.

Letting out an overwhelmed breath, she lowered her head and pinched the bridge of her nose. Joel noticed her discomfort and reached out to squeeze over her knee supportively. Joel was fucking terrified and it was clear by the expression over his features. He didn’t know how to respond to all of this happening, but he was trying to be strong for her.

As the newscaster spoke over the radio, Y/N felt the world spinning around her. This all sounded like a joke, but as she lifted her head to see their surroundings, she knew this was real. This wasn’t some elaborate joke; the world was falling apart and some strange infection had caused all of this to be happening from what it sounded like.

When the name of the hospital that Negan was at with Lucille was mentioned, Joel quickly turned the radio up. They announced that it was being evacuated because of the immense amounts of people being infected and attacked. Joel swallowed down hard, his eyes lowering as he tried to take in that kind of information.

“If he was being evacuated, he would have told me, right?” Y/N tried to reason with Joel and Joel nodded. Instead of letting his fear eat away at him, Joel continued to drive toward the hospital knowing that he thought this would lead to a poor discovery, but he was going to do what he could to help get Negan. “He has to still be there.”

Joel said nothing, just continued to speed to the hospital and avoid the traffic accidents as well as the people that were clearly infected trying to get to them. When they finally pulled before the hospital, Joel stopped the car seeing all of the dead bodies that covered the front lawn. The fear that flooded Y/N’s face upon seeing it made Joel tense up. This was already not looking good.

“Keep your eyes open, let me know if you see him,” Joel prayed to God that Negan wasn’t one of the bodies out there. Continuing on their trail, Joel pulled further into the parking lot, but spotted a group of what he assumed to be the infected and he slowed down. There was another car making its way through the parking lot which seemed to catch the groups attention. Immediately the mob made an attack on the car, jumping on top of it to try and get the person that was inside. “Fuck, fuck…”

“Joel, what are we going to do?” she was desperate for an answer as Joel pulled off onto the grass and they heard the sound of another explosion. In the rearview mirror they could see a fire and Joel drove around the hospital until he found a smoking entrance where the workers would go out back. Joel took a look around, thankful to see that this was a place that didn’t seem to have many people near it. “Joel?”

“Listen to me,” Joel reached for the tire iron that by Y/N’s feet and he grabbed a hold of it. “I’m going to go in there. I’m going to take the stairs to try and see if I can find Lucille and Negan. If I find them, I’m going to bring them back with me. If I don’t come back and someone comes after you, you take the car and you get the hell out of here. Do you hear me?”

“I’m not going to let you go alone,” she refused his suggestion as he leaned over her and popped the glove compartment open. When he opened it, she saw a handgun there and Joel reached for it to give it to her. “What the hell?”

“Do you know how to use this?” Joel reached for the gun knowing that the safety was still on and he undid it to make sure it would be ready to use in case she needed it. Nodding toward the gun, he needed to know her answer and he could see that she was turning pale. “It’s pretty simple, it’s just kind of a point and shoot thing.”

“Joel, I’m not leaving you go in there alone,” she refused, lowering the gun down while reaching with her other hand to hook it around the back of his neck. Urging him in closer to her, she met his lips in a desperate kiss and heard Joel let out a frustrated sound. “I’m coming with you.”

“I can’t let you do that Y/N. If someone bites you or someone hurts you…” Joel refused her offer, his voice coming out scared and shaken. “I have to do this on my own. I will find him for you. I promise. If he is in there, I will find him, but if I don’t come back…”

“Joel, don’t say that,” she shook her head trying to hush him and Joel bit down firmly on his bottom lip. “We’re doing this together.”

“We can’t Y/N! You are pregnant and we have to keep that baby safe,” Joel insisted with a firm tone and she threw her hands up in the air.

“If I can’t defend myself and my baby now, then I never will be able to,” she pointed out with an angered breath, looking around to make sure that the two of them were still okay at this point. “You need me, I need you. The best thing we can do is stick together. Separating puts the two of us at a greater risk.”

“But with the car…” Joel responded with a loud exhale and she threw her hands up, still keeping her fingers tightly grasped to the gun. Swiftly Joel reached out to get her to lower hand that the gun was in and he gave her nervous head tilt. “Watch where you wave that sweetheart. I took the safety off.”

“Joel, we just saw someone get attacked in their car. It didn’t help. I wouldn’t leave you…” she muttered, her eyes tearing over while she looked out at him. “I can’t lose both of the men I have in my life. Please…”

“But Ghost,” Joel looked back over his shoulder to see their young dog in a state of discomfort himself while he kept himself on watch. Ghost was moving from window to window to make sure they were alone and Joel shook his head. “He needs you.”

“Pull into the bushes over there,” Y/N directed and Joel looked over his shoulder to see the area she was talking about near the door. There was a garden there and he couldn’t believe that he was actually going to listen to her, but he did. Turning the SUV back on, he pulled the car where she directed him, hoping to keep it covered enough until they got back. “Are you ready?”

“Fuck no,” Joel’s southern drawl was higher pitched than normal to show how truly nervous he actually was. “Listen to me before we do this. You stay on my ass. Do you hear me?”

“On your ass,” she repeated with a nod and he shook his head.

“No matter what happens or what you see, do not run ahead of me and do not stay behind,” he continued his rules and she felt her heart pounding. Her pulse was felt in her temple and the world felt like it was spinning around them. “We’re going to take the direct route we did the last time we were here. We’re going to go up the stairs and directly to Lucille’s hospital room. You keep that gun up, you stay on alert. If you see someone, you let me know. Do you understand?”

“I understand,” she immediately responded and Joel closed his eyes. It almost seemed like he was doing a prayer before they went and that was kind of against everything that Joel was. Joel never was big on God and praying after he lost his daughter, but now he clearly thought they needed it.

“Let me get out of the car first, then I will come around for you. Do you understand me?” Joel ordered and she nodded. She wasn’t going to fight him on this. They were doing this to come and get Negan. Joel had a plan and she was going to follow it without bickering. It was better than anything she could have came up with.

Joel looked around the area to make sure they were alone before he quickly pulled himself from the car. Cautiously Joel walked around the SUV and looked around the area while grasping tightly to the tire iron at his side. When Joel began moving toward her side, she pulled her seatbelt off and looked behind her to see Ghost watching them.

“We’ll be back baby, I promise,” she muttered reaching out to brush her hand in over the side of Ghost’s face. When Joel opened her door, she quickly moved out and kept quiet when Joel raised his hand up to hold a finger over his mouth to tell her to stay silent. When she was out, Joel closed the door behind her and made sure to the lock the doors hoping to keep Ghost safe inside.

Swiftly moving toward the exit that went toward the stairwell, she gasped when they moved into the door to see multiple bodies before them at their feet. They were torn apart and there was blood everywhere. Joel reached out to cover her mouth with his hand when they heard the sound of feet not too far off in the distance. Things were broken, lights were flickering and the halls seemed to be destroyed. How did this all happen so fast?

----

“Jesus,” Negan heard the sounds of the all-out destruction that was clearly going on around them and he kept his head down. With having the dresser in front of the door, he hoped that would be enough to keep him and Lucille safe. Lowering his gaze to Lucille, he felt his chest ache while staring down at her. “I guess it’s probably for the best that you are sleeping through this.”

Looking over his shoulder he thought about the movies he had seen over things like this. There had to be some truth in them, right? Maybe the government would be coming to help. That’s what always happened, right? Negan didn’t even know what he would consider was happening, but this had to be something the military would come in and fix. They would likely end the terror that these people were causing and fix what was going on.

“This should all be over by the time you wake up,” Negan began to mutter when he looked to the heart monitor to see that it was flat lining and he felt his heart skip in his chest. Pulling himself forward, he prayed this was just a malfunction with the machine because of what was happening at the hospital. Scrambling to his feet, he reached out to place his fingertips over the side of her neck in search of her pulse. When he felt nothing, Negan let out a shuddering whimper and he stared down at her Lucille. “No…please…no…”

Negan tried touching Lucille, attempting to shake her awake. When nothing happened and he touched over the side of her neck again he knew that she was gone. She had died.

“No…no…” Negan shook his head over and over again, the pure agony filling his entire body as he began to cry uncontrollably. The overwhelming emotions that he was feeling made him let out a wail. A flush of warmth flooded his body and he felt like in that moment he could die right there. “Lucille…”

Lowering down over her, Negan rest his head against her chest, his fingers grasping tightly to the blanket that was over her body. Sobbing over her, Negan felt his body shaking and he wished like hell this was the worst possible nightmare his mind could come up with…that any moment he would wake up and this would all be fake, but the longer he cried the more he realized that this was reality.

“I’m so…so…fucking sorry,” Negan whimpered lifting his head, reaching out to grab a hold of her hand. It was becoming cool to the touch and Negan felt his bottom lip tremoring while he stared down at the woman he loved. Regret flooded through his body as he stood up, reaching with one of his hands to caress over her forehead. “I love you so much. So very much. I am so sorry…”

Negan didn’t know what to do with himself. What could he do at this point? His world was ending around him, “I promise I will always love you. You didn’t deserve this. You never deserved this. Damn it…I am so sorry…”

Over and over again Negan tried to pull himself from his emotions, but he just felt himself breaking more and more, “You were the answer to my prayers Lucille when I was younger. My dreams came true when I got with you…”

Negan heard the sounds of more screaming outside his window and he let out a sound of dread, “I would give anything for me to be in that position Lucille. I swear I will always love you…I don’t…I don’t know what I’m gonna do. You are my…everything.”

A loud explosion was heard and it drew Negan’s attention as he looked over his shoulder toward the window again that was at the front of the hospital. Moving toward it after releasing Lucille’s hand, Negan saw someone was inside of a car and large mob of the people that had something wrong with them were attacking the car. Watching them pretty much tear the person apart as soon as they got them out of the car, Negan could feel his stomach turning. They tore that car apart like it was nothing and the person they tore through like butter. What the hell was happening?

“Fucking shit…” Negan had his eyes locked on the window as he watched what was happening. Seeing them tearing apart the person had Negan thinking about the other night. Would that have happened to him if Joel wouldn’t have saved his life?

Watching the scene, Negan saw the mob start to eat the parts they pulled apart from the person and Negan let out a disgusted breath. Gagging, Negan reached up to cover his mouth with his hand in an attempt to stop himself from getting sick.

The sound of movement happening behind him drew Negan’s attention away from the window and he looked over his shoulder to see that Lucille’s body was moving. Standing there, his body was frozen in the moment as she reached up for the ventilator to rip it from her mouth and her throat. Blood began to pour from her mouth and her nose and Negan felt the room spinning around him. She struggled in the bed and Negan watched her pull herself too far. The struggle had caused her to fall over the side of the bed, hitting face first against the ground. With how hard she hit, it made Negan jump and immediately stepped forward.

“Lucille?” Negan muttered her name and slowly moved around the bed to see Lucille on the floor before him still seemingly trying to move. There was blood on the floor and instinctively Negan lowered himself attempting to help her. “Lucille? Are you okay? I thought you were—I swore you were—I thought you died.”

Reaching out for her back, Negan caressed his hand in over the center of her back helping to try to get her to her feet. There was a sense of relief that was flooding his body knowing that she was moving, but at the same time he didn’t understand what the fuck was happening.

“Lucille?” he repeated her name and almost immediately her head snapped back to look at him over her shoulder. He could hear her gurgling while almost growling. Stumbling backwards, Negan saw that her eyes were exactly like those that were down in the parking lot that were attacking people as well as just like the man that had attacked him the other day when he was with Joel. Blood covered the lower half of her face and she had chipped a few teeth in the fall. “No…”

Falling on his bottom, Negan was just out of Lucille’s reach as she attempted to reach for his ankle. She was growling, her pale colored eyes staring out at him as she clawed for his ankle. Negan watched from where he was knowing that she couldn’t move her legs since she had been bed bound for weeks. Negan sat sprawled out on the floor motionless while he watched her trying to pull herself toward him.

Turning his body, Negan reached out again for her throat to attempt to feel for a pulse. Her hand grasped at his arm, trying to pull it to her and he still felt no pulse.

“This can’t be real,” Negan refused when he realized there was still no heartbeat. How was she animated while being…dead? “That’s not possible.”

Pulling his hand away, he attempted to move her again, but she snapped her jaws at him making him gasp when she had just missed him, “Lucille, do you remember me? Honey? It’s me…Negan. Your husband.”

Another terrifying growl fell from her throat and Negan realized in that moment this was no longer his wife. She had become whatever everyone else was out there. Tears slid down his face as he watched her like this. This was cruel to do. She deserved so much more than this. She couldn’t even die peacefully. Whatever was happening affected her too and it killed him that this had to happen to her.

Negan reached out to place his hand in over the side of her face and she still attempted to try to bite him. Leaning in, Negan pressed a lingeringt kiss over her forehead and felt his heart broken over what happened, “I am so sorry this happened to you…”

Getting up slowly, Negan continued to watch Lucille attempt to pull herself to him. Tilting his head to the side, Negan didn’t know what to do. Hearing the sound of a vibration, Negan looked beyond Lucille to see that she had knocked his cellphone off the area he had it charging. There was no point in trying to reach for it because if he did Lucille would undoubtedly bite him and get a good chunk out of him.

Throwing his head back, Negan let out a long shallow breath. What was he supposed to do now? When the vibrating continued, Negan looked down to see the phone again and upon seeing Y/N’s name flashing, he realized where he was supposed to be right now.

“Shit…” Negan swallowed hard knowing that he had just lost Lucille and he lowered his head knowing that he was supposed to be meeting Y/N quite some time ago. Back stepping away from Lucille, he felt his heart breaking knowing that this was going to be his goodbye. Having this be his last memory of Lucille was going to stick with him forever and not in a good way. “I love you Lucille. I always will.”

Watching the woman he loved become some sort of monster would haunt his memories for life. Lucille was the last person that deserved something like this and he had no idea what was causing this to happen to people, but he damned the world for letting it happen to her.

Backstepping toward the door, he knew that he had to leave, but it was so hard to say goodbye. Take in a shallow breath, Negan tried to coach him to getting the nerve to leave the room. Turning toward the door, he reached for the dresser knowing that it was now or never. Managing to shove the dresser away that he had pulled in front of the door in the first place, Negan knew he had to make a run for it. Pulling the door open enough, he made it out into the hallway to see that it was covered in blood. It was torn apart and things were absolutely destroyed. In a matter of hours this all seemed to happen and he couldn’t believe it ended up like this.

“Help!” Negan heard the sound of someone screaming out and he looked down the hallway to see the boy he had seen earlier. The boy had managed to bury himself behind one of the gurneys while a woman and a man were attempting to attack him. They reached out for the boy try to claw and scratch their way to him while growling. “Please help!”

“Fucking hell…” Negan dropped his head back knowing that he should have just made a quick escape, but he couldn’t leave the boy. Clutching tightly to the wall he could see that the boy’s eyes were hooked on him, desperate for some kind of escape. Quickly moving for the boy, he reached to grab at the shirt of the woman that was dressed like a nurse. Yanking her back, he shoved her aside and watched her hit the floor hard. The man’s pale eyes hooked on Negan and Negan felt the power of the man shoving him against the wall making him grunt. “Son of a bitch.”

“You have to aim for their heads!” the boy screamed watching Negan attempt to punch the man, but it just kept him coming. “You gotta bust their heads open or they just keep on coming. I’ve seen one get shot five times. It’s the only way!”

“What?” Negan snapped bracing his right arm over the man’s chest letting out an aggravated sound. This all sounded so fucking ridiculous, but he took advantage of what the boy was saying. Using enough strength, he shoved the man forward and reached for the fire extinguisher that was beside him. Quickly whipping it out, he heard the clink it made when it connected with the man’s head. “Fuck!”

Hitting the man over and over again in the head, Negan watched the blood and the guts spray around them. In those moments, he didn’t think about what he was doing. He just did it. It was only when it was over that it hit him what he truly had done. His body was shaking when he carefully pulled himself up from the floor. Before he could even acknowledge what he had done, Negan noticed the nurse begin to approach him again. When she started lunging herself at him, Negan used the power he had to swing the fire extinguisher at her too using the same strength until her body was completely lifeless.

Negan stood there frozen, his breathing heavy finding himself completely mortified. He couldn’t catch his breath. This was all happening so fast and Negan didn’t know what to do. What had he just done to protect this young boy?

“Thanks mister. Are you okay?” the boy called out and Negan looked to his hands seeing that they were covered in blood. His body shook when he realized what he had done and Negan shook his head.

“No, I’m not fucking okay,” Negan snapped feeling his jaw flexing while he thought about what he had done. “I just fucking murdered two people. I’m a fucking murderer…I can’t believe…I don’t…”

“You can’t be a murderer when you killed someone who was already dead man,” the boy spoke up and Negan looked to the boy confused after he had slid down the wall and dropped down to the floor. His body couldn’t comprehend what he had just done and he was absolutely mortified with himself. “These two were dead on the ground when I showed up. You did nothing wrong.”

“I don’t understand,” Negan stammered, his eyes searching the boy’s trying to find rhyme or reason to what was happening. “So, they’re all dead? Their just…mindless monsters now? Not living people that are just sick? They are trying to…”

“Eat us man,” the boy interrupted him with a disgusted sound. “This has been all over the news for days. Hell, weeks if we would have listened to them about the virus and the riots. The dead are taking over mister. Where the hell have you been?”

“I’ve been a little preoccupied,” Negan thought about the weeks upon weeks he spent beside Lucille’s bed with her sick. Sitting there with the boy staring down at him, Negan cleared his throat and let out a tense breath. Thinking about Lucille made Negan let out a saddened breath. He couldn’t just leave her as one of those mindless monsters, but there was nothing he could do about it. There was no way he could end her. He didn’t have the strength. “Hey kid? There is a room a little ways away. It’s right across from the elevator. There is another one of them on the floor next to the bed in their room. Do you think you could…handle that for me? I’m just…a little beat.”

“I mean…yeah, sure,” the boy gave Negan a weird side eye glance before nodding slowly. The boy reached for the fire extinguisher and Negan pressed his back against the wall. He lowered his head when the boy moved down the hallway and Negan felt his heart breaking. Part of him wanted the boy to stop, hoping that somehow they could fix Lucille, but she was dead already and Negan knew it. So, the best he could do was put his head down and just let it happen.

Minutes passed before he heard footsteps returning and the boy had the fire extinguisher at his side, “Was she your wife?”

“What?” Negan lifted his head and he could see that there was as sense of sadness over the boy’s face.

“The same thing happened to my mom today. There was something wrong with her heart and when she died, the same thing happened. I was like you, I just…I couldn’t do it,” the boy explained and Negan felt his fists clenching when he thought about what happened with Lucille. “I figured that the woman in there, that was your wife.”

“Listen…” Negan felt the urge to scream at the kid, but he pulled himself up slowly and let out a frustrated grunt. “We’re all having a shitty fucking day here. Let’s get the fuck out of here.”

“I think the main stairway was clear. That was how I got up here,” the boy informed Negan quickly following Negan not far behind while he tried to keep up with him.

“Well then we better get fucking moving,” Negan knew that he had to leave Lucille and make sure that everything was okay with Y/N. The fear that both the women he loved turned into one of those things flooded his mind. “So, move it along.”

----

Continuing to stay quiet, Y/N carefully followed Joel up the steps of the stairway. Joel was being cautious as they tried to avoid stepping on the bodies that were in the stairway. She couldn’t believe that it had gotten to this and that so much had been happening. Maybe she shouldn’t have told Joel to stop watching the news because then maybe this could have been avoided instead of them walking right into this. Joel was right when he said something was going on, but she had refused to listen to him because she just didn’t want to believe it. Now she regretted it.

Surprisingly they seemed to make it up the stairway fine, but by the time they got to the floor Lucille was on, they could hear screaming and things being tossed on the floor above them. Not taking a chance, they both quickly moved out of the stairway and into the hallway.

Clinging to Joel, she could see that before him there was a woman and a man with their heads bashed in and it made her gag at the sight. A fire extinguisher was thrown to the side and Joel clutched tightly to Y/N.

“Stay close to me,” he instructed once more and she listened. Her body was pretty much pressed up against his back as Joel led her toward the room he knew that Lucille was in with Negan. When Joel reached the door, he held his hand out and pushed it slightly open with his palm. When he saw something, he immediately turned to her and attempted to block her from seeing. “No…don’t…”

“What is it? Is it Negan? Joel?” she attempted to push through Joel and he tried to keep her from going into the room. When she managed to get around him what she saw made her heart break when she saw the bloody mess of what she knew to be Lucille beside the bed. The sight caused her body to go weak and just drop, but Joel had managed to catch her in his arms when it happened.

“Baby, baby…” Joel attempted to reach out to touch Y/N seeing that she was crying from what she had seen with Lucille. Pressing Y/N against the wall, he attempted to keep her on her feet and he shook his head. “Sweetheart, I know…it’s awful, but you can’t…we can’t have you pass out and lose yourself here. We have to get through this.”

“But it’s…” Y/N felt tears sliding down her face seeing what had become of Negan’s wife and she felt her heart breaking not only for Negan, but for Lucille. It caused flashes of memories of the beautiful woman that she had interreacted with in the past to flood through her mind. “It’s Lucille.”

“I know baby, I know,” Joel reached out to pull her head in against his chest and he attempted to try to comfort her in a way that was somewhat quiet. “It’s awful and I promise we will talk about this when we are out of here, but right now…we have to focus, okay?”

Joel reached out to caress over her face when she pulled back enough to look up at him and she looked at the opposite end of the bed, “Is Negan…?”

“I’ll look, okay?” Joel hushed her, moving over toward the other end of the bed thankful to see that nothing was there. When he moved back around the bed, he could see that Negan’s phone was underneath Lucille’s body and he carefully reached for it. Holding it up, he showed Y/N that was why Negan wasn’t answering her calls. “He doesn’t appear to be in here sweetheart.”

“Then he could be alive?” she tried to reason and Joel shrugged his shoulders. Sliding her hand in over her abdomen, she thought about the baby and how far they had come in their relationship with Negan. “We have to find him.”

“Okay…” Joel looked down to see that she was touching her stomach and he leaned forward to press a loving kiss over her forehead. “Come on…”

Walking through the hallway, Joel felt Y/N following him closely and they looked in the common areas that they would find someone in the hospital. Heading for the vending area, Joel was about the turn the corner when he felt the power of someone plowing into him making him hit the ground hard.

“Jesus!” Joel heard the sound of the tire iron hitting the ground and sliding out away from him. Reaching his hand up, he pressed his palm in over the center of the person’s throat that was trying to attack him seeing that they were clearly infected while blood dripped down Joel’s arm from the person’s mouth. The sound of things knocking over was heard and Joel lifted his head to see that more of them were approaching down the hall. “Y/N, get the hell out of here!”

“No,” she shook her head scrambling to try and get Joel’s tire iron so they could save bullets. Joel let out a frustrated grunt as he attempted to get keep the distance between him and the infected man over him. When she went for the tire iron, one of the infected pulled themselves out from under the vending machine and it caused her to fall back onto her bottom. Their lower half was missing, but somehow, they were still managing to pull themselves toward her and Joel. There was no way she could reach the tire iron now with that thing near it.

“I said get the hell out of here,” Joel let out a roar and she contemplated what he was saying before pulling up the gun that Joel had given her. Joel took notice that the other infected was directed right for him and he tried doing his best to turn the one that was over him in that direction. “Y/N! Get out of here.”

Pulling the trigger after aiming, she felt her body jolt and watched the torso that was crawling toward Joel immediately stop when she had managed to shoot it in the head. Scrambling to her feet, she moved swiftly beside Joel and shot once at the one struggling with Joel. It missed and hit it in the neck making her let out a frustrated sound, but it knocked it back enough for Joel to shove it aside. Joel reached for the tire iron and began to beat it in the head over and over again making her let out a shocked sound with how easily Joel had been able to fall into the violence of it all.

When he was done, she could hear him letting out a shaken breath and he dropped his upper half letting out a strained sound while he rest his forehead down against the ground, “God, what have I done?”

“Joel, they aren’t…alive,” she tried to reach for him seeing that there were more of the dead approaching them. There was no time for him to have a meltdown with more coming after them. Grasping tightly to his shoulder, she attempted to pull him up. “Joel?”

“I’ve killed two people…fucking maybe three after hitting that woman with the car,” Joel felt his body shaking while he slid back on the ground taking note of the blood that was covering him. “I…I don’t know…”

“Joel! I just killed one that was half a body. There is no way that a human being could live through that! You heard the news. They are saying they are the dead coming back to life,” Y/N tried to assure Joel seeing that he was having a melt down over the fact that he had to kill several of them. “I know we are both going to have a lot to talk about, but we need to find Negan or else we’re going to get killed. We need to move, I’m sure the gunshots will attract some of them.”

Joel said nothing, just swallowed down hard and pulled himself up from the ground. Reaching for the tire iron again, Joel almost threw up seeing the brain matter that was on it. Shaking it, he tried to get some of it off before nodding toward the main staircase.

“Let’s go that way,” Joel suggested, quickly grabbing her hand and leading her down the stairs. They did their best to make their way through as much of the hospital as possible, but they were coming up short. “Baby…I don’t think he’s here.”

“Joel, then maybe he went to the house,” she thought back to where Negan was supposed to meet her. “Maybe he went back to the home to look for me or maybe he’s at his home.”

“I want to look for him baby, but we’ve almost died…” Joel began knowing that he was upset that they weren’t able to find Negan too, but he didn’t want her or him to die while doing it. The desperation in her eyes made him nod and he swallowed down hard. “Okay sweetheart. Let’s get out of here and go to those places to see if we can find him.”

They moved back toward the entrance they came through, but when they saw people standing by the entrance, Joel let out a frustrated noise and led her in another direction. He was doing his best to keep the both of them alive without getting attacked. Heading for the front entrance, Joel could see that were tons of what seemed to be infected toward the front along with a few people near the doors.

While Joel was surveying the area, Y/N looked over her shoulder to see that the pharmacy door was opened. Yes, they needed to get out of there, but seeing all the medicine and the supplies in there made an idea pop into her head.

“Joel, we should grab some things,” she reached for his arm and watched him look back to see what she was talking about. “I know you packed things, but we never know if we find Negan what kind of shape he will be in. If we’re in that cabin for a long time, it’s probably for the best if we grab more supplies.”

“That’s a good idea,” Joel recognized that she was right. He only had one first aid kit that he packed. It was better for them to get some things just in case. Checking the hallways, he made sure they were safe before moving into the pharmacy. Surveying the area, Joel noticed that there was a pile of pillowcases on the shelves. Grabbing one, he tossed it to Y/N and took one for himself. “Grab whatever you think we’ll need.”

Hopping over the counter of the pharmacy where the pharmaceuticals were, Joel went for the pain medicine and hooked his arm around the bottles. Making sure the pillowcase was open wide enough, Joel swiped his arm forward and dropped them inside. Looking things over, he dumped some antibiotics into the pillowcase as well. Before he knew it, the pillowcase was full of things that Joel thought would be able to help them. About to hop back over the counter, Joel noticed a group of prenatal vitamins before him and his gaze lifted to Y/N. Watching her gather multiple things, he swallowed down hard and shoved all of the vitamins he could into the pillowcase. If they were going to be stuck in the cabin for a long time, these were something that she would definitely need.

“I feel bad robbing a pharmacy at a hospital,” she announced when Joel set his pillowcase on the counter. The clanking of the pill bottles caused her to look back and she watched him hop over the counter to get back to her. “Are we awful for this?”

“Baby, I’m not sure that’s something we should worry about,” Joel hushed her when he heard the sound of feet shuffling in the hallways. “Did you grab what you wanted?”

Looking, Joel noticed that she had grabbed an extra pillowcase where she had filled two of them instead of just the one, “I’ll take that as a yes?”

“All of this seems useful Joel,” she knew that she had grabbed so many different kinds of things, but it all seemed necessary.

“No, you’re right. I wish we could take more,” Joel moved toward the entrance of the pharmacy and eyed things over to make sure that they would be safe when they went to find another exit. “Come on sweetheart.”

Grabbing the two pillowcases full of supplies, she stayed close to Joel and could sense that he was trying to come up with what to do next.

“We have to go toward the parking garage,” Joel led her eagerly out of the building, but the moment that Joel pushed the door open the sound of a large explosion went off making Joel’s body slam into the brick wall of the hospital. With how hard he hit the wall; Y/N immediately knew that was something was wrong. A pained roar fell from his lips as he lifted his head once he hit the cement ground. “Fuck…”

“Joel,” she scrambled to him looking over her shoulder to see that two cars had clearly hit each other in the distance. When the explosion went off after one of the cars set fire, the power from it had thrown Joel back. Joel lifted his head to look at his ribs. “What happened? Is something wrong?”

“I think,” Joel went to pull himself up and he let out a long wail, dropping back on the ground. His face turned red and his neck was straining. Setting the pillowcases down, she tried to tend to him, but he was in agony. “I think I fucking broke my ribs.”

“Let me see,” she lifted the bottom of his shirt to see the bruising over Joel’s ribs and Joel let out a wince when he breathed. There was no doubt that he was injured and badly. It was hard, but she was going to need him to move. “Let’s get you back to the car.”

“Okay,” Joel nodded letting out another wince when they managed to get him to his feet. Just breathing hurt incredibly much as they made their way back to the SUV that they had hidden in the back after grabbing the pillowcases of supplies. They had to be quick, but when they returned Ghost was eager to see them. Even with clearly broken ribs Joel had moved to the driver’s side after getting her safely inside. His arm was wrapped firmly around his ribs while the other worked to get the car started. “Where are we going first to look for him?”

----

“Kid?” Negan saw the boy going to walk off out the front and he waved him down when he noticed the mob of people in the distance. “Where do you think you are going? I don’t really think it is safe for you to be going anywhere on your own.”

“I have to get home mister. It isn’t safe to be out here anymore,” the kid stammered with a grunt and Negan threw his hands up in the air.

“In case you haven’t noticed, these fuckers are everywhere,” Negan nodded toward the parking garage and he waved the kid toward him. “I don’t know how far away your home is.”

“Are you offering me a ride?” the boy stammered and Negan nodded his head dramatically.

“Yeah, why the fuck do you think I’m mentioning it?” Negan grunted feeling his attitude getting the best of him. “You stupid or something?”

“I could use a ride,” the boy followed Negan toward the area Negan had parked when he had first gotten to the hospital in the parking garage. Just as they rounded the corner the loud boom of an explosion knocked them both onto the grass making Negan let out a tight groan when it happened.

“You okay kid?” Negan blurt out, looking to see the boy slowly pulling himself up from where he landed. Negan turned on his side and looked beyond them to see that it had drawn attention of some of the dead that had gathered together in the front of the hospital. Cussing to himself, Negan pulled himself up and let out a tense breath. “Fuck, that hurt.”

“What was that?” the boy looked as he followed Negan around the corner. Staring out at the parking garage, Negan saw that two cars had hit and one of them had clearly started on fire which is why the explosion happened. “Can we still get in and out of the parking garage?”

“Yeah,” Negan waved the kid on when a few of the dead had walked by. Attempting to get to the know the boy, Negan started a conversation with him. It was better than thinking about what he had lost in Lucille. When the boy noticed Negan was cracking jokes, he had asked Negan if he was okay since his wife had died. Yeah, Negan was acting weird, but if he didn’t…he wouldn’t be able to make it through. “The car is over here.”

Just as they turned the corner to get to Negan’s car, Negan heard the sound of the boy yelping and Negan turned on his heel to see that one of the dead had grabbed the boy and was biting his wrist. Quickly moving forward, Negan saw another one come out of nowhere, pulling the boy between two cars.

“Fuck,” Negan tried to move between the cars, but when he stepped forward, he could see that the two had absolutely torn into the boy and Negan knew that it was no point. There was no way that he could save him at this point. “Damn it.”

Getting into his car, Negan turned it on and looked at the time knowing it was hours after he had promised to meet up with Y/N, but hopefully she was still at their home and hopefully she was safe.

----

“Are you okay?” Y/N watched Joel as his face twisted in agony while they drove back to the home she had shared with Negan. Instead of being honest, Joel simply nodded and continued to drive. “You’re so full of shit.”

“I’m fine,” Joel grumbled and she reached into the back knowing that she had seen Joel pack the first aid kit he had bought for the trip. Quickly pulling it open, she pulled out the icepack that was inside. Squeezing it, she heard it pop and then began to shake it to activate the icepack. Placing it over Joel’s abdomen made him growl out in pain and he leaned forward trying to clearly still focus while he drove. “Son of a bitch…”

“Joel, you’re really hurt,” Y/N pointed out, reaching for the pillowcase full of medicine that was inside. Digging around, she found some of the pain medicine and quickly pulled it out. Popping open the lid, she deposited two in her hand and held them out for Joel. “Take these.”

“What are they?” his nose wrinkled while looking down at them and she held her hand out further. Instead of questioning things, he took the medicine and threw them into his mouth. Swallowing down the pills was hard to do, but he managed and let out a hesitant sound.

“They were pain pills Joel. Should I be driving?” she inquired looking him over while he was clearly in tons of pain. “Is it safe for you to be driving?”

“I’ll be fine,” Joel assured her when he pulled onto the street that he had originally found her earlier. A nervous breath fell from his throat when he saw how much the street had already gone to shit since they had left earlier. “We have to be quick going to look for him.”

“Joel, I don’t think you should go in there…” she looked over at him and she shook her head. “I’ll take the gun, I’ll do a quick sweep and then come back to the car.”

“I can’t let you do that,” Joel pulled into the driveway, his eyes connecting with the body of the man he had killed earlier and his face turned a pale shade of white.

“Raise the tire iron Joel,” she ordered and Joel gave her a glare knowing that he had definitely broken at least a few ribs. Breathing and talking were hard, so he knew that moving would be hard too. “We’ll be fine. This one let me quickly run through and if he’s not in there, I will run back out and we will go to his home with Lucille. There we can both go together.”

“Fine,” Joel grunted looking around the area. “Be fast.”

“I’ll be right back,” she ran into the home after quickly getting out of the SUV. Moving through the first floor she heard nothing and heard the sound of something upstairs. “Negan?”

Moving back toward the stairs she could see that one of the infected had made it into their home and made it up the stairs. Waiting for him to come down the stairs, she led him around the couch before taking advantage and running up the stairs. Upstairs she found absolutely nothing and let out a tense breath. Looking on the dresser, she saw the camera that Negan had used with them several times and she reached for it. Grabbing it, she knew that it was impossible that Negan was there. Heading back down the stairs she was able to slip past the man and made it back to the SUV.

“You scared the fuck out of me,” Joel announced when she got back into the car and he was breathing uneasily. “I thought something happened.”

“I’m alright sweetheart,” she reached out to brush her fingers through his short hair and she shrugged her shoulders. “Negan has to be at his home. That’s the only other place I can think of him being.”

“Guide me and I’ll get us there,” Joel went to pull out of the driveway, but he took notice of the car she had originally driven there in the driveway. “Is there anything from your car that you need before we leave because I think this will be the last time we come here.”

“Everything I need is right here in this bag,” she looked down at the bag she originally brought with her that was at her feet. Opening the bag, she put the camera she grabbed in the bag and then looked at the picture she had snagged earlier in the day of her and Negan. “Let’s go.”

----

As Negan drove to his home that he shared with Y/N, the image of that kid dying replayed in his head over and over again. Part of him felt responsible for that boy dying. He should have kept the kid closer to him, so he was really focused and upset. It took him a while to leave the hospital after it happened because it was hard to get his car through the parking garage without getting jumped by the group of dead that had developed at the hospital.

“Jesus Christ,” Negan knew that he had been stuck in that hospital for a very long time, but he never realized how bad this would truly be. How did everything fall to shit like this in such a short amount of time and he had no idea? When he pulled onto the street he had the home with Y/N, he could feel his heart pounding inside of his chest over and over again. It looked like a riot had taken place on that street and he began to panic.

Pulling up to their house, he saw that her car was in the driveway. The most worrying thing was that the front door of their home was open. His adrenaline spiked wondering if she was inside and hurt. Reaching in the backseat he grabbed his bag that he had left there from work that he had never taken out. Pulling it open, he grabbed the baseball bat that was inside and clung tightly to it. Getting out of the car, he closed the door and took notice of the body that was in their front yard. The head was smashed in and Negan hoped deep down that she would have known how to protect herself and this was her work.

“Y/N!” Negan called out her name heading inside of the house. Listening he could hear some rustling near the laundry room and he headed in that direction. A shocked sound fell from his throat when he saw one of the dead turning to look back at him in the hallway. Taking his bat, Negan began beating the guy until he was completely static in movement. Blood was splattered all over their hallways and Negan was breathless from what he had done. Hopefully the blood that was on the infected man’s face was not Y/N’s. Wiping the back of his hand over his face, Negan let out a grunt and pulled back away from the scene. “Y/N?”

Hearing nothing in return, Negan ran up the stairs toward their bedroom. A frustrated breath fell from his throat when he realized that she wasn’t there. He hoped that was a good sign, but after all the destruction he had seen, he didn’t know if he should be positive about it yet.

Getting down the stairs, he double checked the entire house and took notice that a few things were missing and he didn’t know if that meant that she had grabbed things or someone had came into their home to steal things, but they were more so personal things so he was hoping that it was her that was here.

There was a gap on the mantle above their fireplace and he moved to it to see one of their photos was missing. Reaching for one of the photos that were left, Negan tilted his head to the side and saw it was one they took on the beach together. He was kissing over the side of her cheek and she was laughing. Smashing the frame, Negan heard it shatter and he reached for the photo to shove it into his back pocket. If he was going to leave the house, he wanted to have something to remind him of a happy past that he once had.

Thinking of something, Negan moved over toward the phone and decided to try to call her on the cell phone he knew she had. He didn’t have his phone, but if he called her from their home maybe she would answer. At least he hoped so. Attempting to try to call her, he noticed there was a dead dial tone and he let out a frustrated grunt. Throwing the phone aside, his anger was flooding through him. Of course, the fucking phones weren’t working. How else was he supposed to get ahold of her? There was only one other place that he knew he would likely find her.

Heading back to his car, he stopped when he saw her car. Reaching for the door to check if it was open, he noticed that it was locked. Lifting the bat and swinging, he shattered the window and reached inside to grab the hoodie that she had left in the car. Pulling it out of the car, he lifted it to his face and took in the smell of her. It made him scared to think that she might not be around anymore and he decided he was going to take this in memory of her just in case. Setting it in the passenger seat when he got in the car, he made sure to drive up and down the street a few times to make sure she wasn’t there before heading over to Joel’s home.

When he arrived at Joel’s home, it was shocking because the street had been known for having good homes, yet now most of the homes were on fire and Negan found himself nervous. He didn’t want anything to be wrong with either Joel or Y/N. Pulling into the driveway, Negan took notice of the fact that car he had been in with Joel previously was in the driveway still. Heading up the walkway toward Joel’s home, he realized that the house had already been broken into and Negan grunted. Clinging to the baseball bat at his side, he pushed the front door open and stepped in.

“Y/N?” Negan called out her name, hearing nothing on the other end. “Joel? Ghost?”

Negan tried screaming out loud enough to get some kind of response, but when there wasn’t anything in return, he felt an ache in the center of his chest. God, he hoped so badly that he would be able to find them here. The fact there was no sign of any of them made him feel better in the sense that he hoped they were all together and alive, but it was still terrifying. Joel’s car was still in the driveway and so was Y/N’s at the other home? How would they get away without their cars? In a way he was happy to not find their bodies, but he was still terrified as to where they could be.

Knowing that there was a chance they were upstairs, Negan moved swiftly through the hallways to push open the doors. Every single room was empty and he thanked God for that. Then again, he wished he would have found them hiding and waiting for him. Needing him to help them in their escape, but each room had him come up empty. Going to open the door to the last room, Negan heard the sound of something downstairs falling over and he felt his adrenaline kick in. Was it them?

When he got downstairs, he noticed that it was one of the dead that had probably found its way inside and Negan let out a frustrated sound knowing it was probably his screaming that drawn it to him. Using the bat, Negan did what he had to do before going back outside onto Joel’s porch. Dropping down, he reached up to pinch at the bridge of his nose.

How could both of their cars still be around, but neither one of them were? He had been certain that he would be able to find them, but now that he was here, he realized that was far from the case and it upset him. What was he going to do if he lost both the women he had loved in his life all in one day?

----

“Sweetheart,” Joel groaned moving through the upstairs of Negan’s home he shared with Lucille while Y/N was downstairs looking through things. Joel moved out of the bedroom and his arm was still firmly wrapped around his ribs. “I don’t think he’s here.”

“Joel, he just…we…” she began and Joel could tell that she was starting to break down from all of this. Earlier in the day she was hopeful that they would be able to find Negan, but now that they were here, it was clear that she thought he was gone. They couldn’t find Negan and her mind was lingering to the idea that he was dead. “He can’t be dead Joel.”

“Baby, I know…” Joel moved down the stairs toward her. Joel reached his arms out enough to hug her, a pained sound escaping his throat when it clearly hurt him doing it. “I wanted to find him too. I wanted everything to be fine and I wanted us to be able to run off with him and be safe at the cabin.”

“I never even got to say goodbye,” she felt her heart breaking realizing that there were no answers to her question as to what happened with Negan and she could feel her heart breaking. There were so many things that she wanted to say to Negan and so many things he deserved to know. Yet here there were and they were likely never going to see him again. When she began to cry, she felt Joel cupping her face in his hands while trying to comfort her. “This is so fucked up Joel. Everyone I know is likely dead now. My parents, my friends…the father of my child.”

“I’m so sorry,” Joel frowned, his own eyes tearing over when he thought about how he had gotten Negan to agree to come with him tomorrow. Maybe if he would have picked a sooner time, they wouldn’t have been in this situation. It was eating him alive to know that he could have potentially stopped this from happening. “I should have just grabbed you guys that day Negan was attacked. I knew something was wrong.”

“There is no way you could have known that this would have happened,” she tried to reason with Joel seeing that he was angry at himself for what clearly happened. “You would have never known this was going to happen Joel.”

“Yeah, but if I just convinced him that day to come we would be together and we wouldn’t be without him,” Joel frowned, lowering his head and she could tell that he was upset like she was about not being able to find Negan. “I wanted to save him too Y/N, so fucking much. I never wanted to go through what it would feel like to lose someone I cared about again and yet here we are. There was nothing I could do to save Negan for you and I am…so sorry. It hurts knowing that I saved him the other day only for this to happen. I wish this wasn’t the case, but…”

“Joel,” they both cried together when they realized that they had both lost someone that had meant something to them. “I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

“The only thing I think we can do is go to the cabin. I left the address on my refrigerator. I told Negan the area it would be in. I would think if he went to my home, maybe if he is still here, he will find it,” Joel shrugged his shoulders and he threw his hands up in the air. “We can’t keep waiting because the longer we wait…”

“The more likely we are to end up dead,” she lowered her hand to slide it in over her abdomen. The last thing she wanted was her baby to end up dead. Not after everything she went through. This really wasn’t the life that she wanted a child to grow up in, but she didn’t have a choice at this point. “We should go.”

“I am so sorry we couldn’t find him,” Joel apologized and he lowered his head letting out an uneven breath. “I cared about him too, very much.”

“I know,” Y/N acknowledged feeling Joel swiping at her tears with his thumb when they took a minute to themselves. Everything ached and Y/N felt miserable knowing that she likely lost the first love of her life. The one thing that she was completely scared of having and coming to terms with at the end of the day. “We should go.”

“I love you,” Joel frowned, tipping forward to press a loving kiss against her temple before brushing her hair away from her face. “I promise, whatever happens from here on out…I will do whatever I have to in order to take care of the both of you. Nothing…nothing will ever hurt you. You have my word…as long as I’m alive, I will always fight for you. I love you Y/N and I will do everything in my power to protect you.”

----

Pulling into the driveway to his home at the end of the night, Negan had spent the last few hours looking for any kind of sign of Y/N and Joel, but there was nothing. His hope had completely been drained of him and when he got home, he didn’t care at this point how things were. In his mind he had lost everything that had meant anything to him today and it was the worst day of his life.

Moving up his driveway he could hear the sound of something scrambling around outside beside him, but his baseball bat hung down at his side and the last thing any person alive or dead wanted to do with him was fuck with him right now.

Once he got inside of the house he shared with Lucille, he covered the doors of his home and the entrances to make sure that no one could get in. The blood on his body made him uncomfortable and he headed for the bathroom. Pulling his clothes from his body, Negan dropped each piece down the hallway and by the time he got to the bathroom he was completely naked.

When he got a look at himself in the mirror, the blood that was covering his body and staining at his flesh from soaking through his clothes caused him to let out a shuddering breath. Negan’s head tilted to the side when he looked at himself. Flashes of Lucille filled his mind and he winced. He thought of all the blood, all the people he had killed and all those he had seen killed. It was like a nightmare come to life and he didn’t want to believe it was real, but it was.

Reaching out, he ran his fingers over the mirror dragging them down it, staining the mirror with the blood that was still covering his fingers. All the frustrations of today built up inside of him and he swung his fist out hitting the mirror with all the power he had. The mirror shattered and immediately Negan could see that there was blood dripping down his hand from what he had done.

Instead of caring, Negan moved for the shower and pulled the door open. He turned the shower on and stepped in under the warm stream of water. It was almost so hot that it was burning at his skin, but he didn’t care. He needed that pain. After everything he had been through today and over the last few weeks, he wanted to experience the pain. He wanted to know that he was alive and this all was real.

Taking the longest shower he had in a very long time, Negan was very observant of the blood that swirled around the drain from his body. It made him think of all the blood that he had dealt with and how easy at the end of the day it was for him to kill the dead. Originally, he was mortified, but after everything that happened…after what happened to Lucille, Negan just found himself full of rage.

Once he was done with the shower, he moved for the medicine cabinet and pulled it open to gather a few things to clean up his hand that he had cut when punching the mirror. After that, he moved through the house naked without a care in the world until he stopped at his closet. Reaching inside he grabbed a pair of gray pants and pulled them up his long slender legs before reaching for white t-shirt. Once he was dressed, Negan moved back down the stairs and headed for the kitchen.

Pushing through the drawers, he pulled out a US Map and headed for the kitchen table. Opening the map, he spread it all out. Making sure that New York was his main focus, Negan surveyed the cities before heading for the fridge. Grabbing the marker on the top it, he moved back to the kitchen table and circled New York.

Looking at the cities, he fingered over the map until he found the city that Joel had told him the hospital was in. Circling the city, he took a minute to look for the water areas that were near the city. Circling each area, he knew that Joel told him his cabin was on the water and figured if he could find the bodies of water, if Y/N and Joel were still alive that would be where he would find them. Hopefully they escaped and got away from this hell. That was what he had to think. It was the only way to help him keep going. The idea of them alive would be the only thing that would keep the survivor instinct alive inside of him.

After marking all the areas, Negan folded the map up and put it in his back pocket. When he was satisfied with what he had done, Negan moved back into the hallway where he had deposited his bloody clothes from earlier. Bending down to pick up his pants, Negan searched his pockets to pull out the photo that he had snagged earlier of him and Y/N. Moving around the bottom floor of his home, Negan surveyed the photos of him and Lucille together before grabbing one of those as well.

Negan gathered what was important for him to survive on a journey as well as the two photos to keep the memory of those he loved alive inside of him. Heading to the garage, Negan put his things in his car and then pulled the car out of the garage into the driveway. Gathering all the wood that was left in his garage from pervious projects that he had never finished, Negan went to each opening to his house and began to board it up. He didn’t want anyone breaking into his home and stealing things that meant something for him and Lucille.

Once he had everything boarded up and all the stuff he wanted to bring with him, Negan packed up the car and got in it. Reaching for the map he had marked off, Negan set it up so he could see it and let out a tense breath. He was heading to New York in attempts to find Y/N and Joel with hopes that everything would turn out okay. Reaching for the hoodie that he had grabbed earlier from Y/N’s car, he pulled it to him. When he did, he watched a piece of clothing fall from the pocket in it and he reached out for it. Grabbing a hold of it, he saw that it was red scarf and he let out a tense sound. At least he had these things to keep him going. There had to still be something to fight for and right now, that was finding Y/N and Joel.

With nothing else to live for, Negan vowed that he was going to search all the areas of New York that were by the hospital Joel told him about in order to find Y/N if it was the last thing he did because damn it, he wasn’t ready to believe that she was dead too. Not now. Not ever.

----

PLEASE REASE -- SO! Here is the deal. I have had SUCH strong opinions about this story from EVERYONE. There are some people that love Joel & Negan with the character. There are those that only like Joel or Negan with the character. I've decided that because so many people love this story and it means so much to certain people that this story is going to be a choose your own ending story. You will have the choice to pick from three different endings. You can read them all. You can read one or two. Whatever floats your boat. When I post the endings, I will post all three endings at once and it will be labeled clearly for you to chose from. Make sure to read the name of the chapter and the summary so you pick the ending that you want. this is a weird thing to do, but I wanted to make everyone happy to the best of my abilities. Thank you so much for reading this story and the next time I will be posting will be the end (s) of this story. Thank you so much for sticking with me this long.

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#Negan #Jeffrey Dean Morgan #negan fanfiction #Negan x Reader #The Walking Dead

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