#i barely slept all week i should probably go to the doctor to get some meds bc this stress induced insomnia causes my migraines

[mayullla]

Hello hello, good day/evening to you, hope ur week has been fine!

May I request (if its still open?) Yan!Baizhu with fem reader? It's rare to see someone write for him after all 🦋🌷 thank you

Title: Gold Rings

Character(s): Baizhu (Genshin Impact) Summary: You didn't remember your fiance after you fell from the cliff and were rescued but he continued to stay by your side as your doctor. Warnings/tags: Yandere Baizhu x amnesia fem!reader, manipulation, 2k word count

[ - A little present~! Event - Closed - ]

You stared at the ceiling, made of brown wood, but found nothing interesting. Awake with nothing to do, you could not help but raise your left hand at the ceiling, reaching for something that wasn't there.

You weren't sure what you were reaching for.

But all you could do was stare at the ring on your finger. A thin gold band reflected the sunset light from the window.

You remember nothing. Nothing at all.

You were still healing; your body ached in pain if you moved too suddenly, even when most of it was somewhat healed. It was hard to stay still, frustrating as you tried to remember the past, as if you were trying to reach the fringes of the past yet barely able to touch it.

"You should rest, my dear." You almost jumped, startled at the calm yet disappointed voice. It wasn't loud, but after staying in the room alone for a long time, your ears were sensitive to his voice. "I brought you some food. Have you slept well?" the voice asked.

You recognized that voice somewhat, not as a voice that you heard in the past that you could not remember, but it was the first voice you heard after waking up in this room. Dropping your hand to the side of the mattress, you pushed yourself up slowly with his help. Sudden movements made you dizzy, which you had to learn the hard way. Looking up again, you looked into his golden eyes, slit pupils. His eyes almost reminded you of that of a snake.

"Y-yes," you told him, nodding your head slowly, which prompted a smile on his lips and a crinkle in his eyes. "Ah, that is good. A good rest is always needed when you are sick," he told you as he took the stool that was beside your bed and took a seat on it, placing the food tray on his lap. You had to think for a moment... What was his name..? He had told you before, but it had escaped your mind for a moment as you blinked owlishly at him.

“Hmmm?” He looked at you, tilting his head as if wondering why you were staring at him like that.

Baizhu.

Baizhu... you thought to yourself, a hidden delight that you were able to remember his name when you didn't remember much else. He... he was your doctor.

And the man to whom you were engaged.

He was the first person you saw when you opened your eyes, right beside you, sleeping on the chair with his head on top of his crossed arms on top of the bed. You saw the dark circles under his eyes and his pitiful state. Yet your awkward movements caused him to get up, his eyes wide like saucers as he held your hand, crying and pained.

You didn't remember much after that, forced to go back to sleep still too tired. But you remembered the shock and pain in his eyes when he saw the confusion in your eyes as you looked at him. The question of who he was looked like you had shattered him greatly, yet he kept up the act of someone strong. Asking you questions like your name and who you were, most of which you were able to answer. He asked you if you knew how you ended up here, but you didn't remember that.

He tried to be as gentle as possible with the news. Amnesia. You were out and about collecting herbs in horrible weather in the high cliffs of Liyue, where you had a slip and fell, tumbling down a small cliff. Thankfully, you were just smart enough not to head to the steep cliffs, for if you fell from the high mountains, you would have probably died.

Baizhu was kind... too kind, in fact, you thought to yourself, feeling nothing more than a stranger. You didn't understand his kindness when there were no memories to back up the overly kind gestures. Most doctors would not go to this point, to be fair, kind... They didn't try to see their patients almost every hour, every day.

But you also felt guilty.

Because even though you didn't understand the reason, there was a reason why he acted like this. You still remember the pain in his eyes when he realized that you didn't remember the time spent with him, his love, or your own love towards him. He barely covered up all his pain with a smile and his glasses, with the snake around his neck observing him as you looked at him with guilt.

You lived alone in the harbor of Liyue, having moved here and stayed for a long while now. Baizhu told you that you worked for him, with Qiqi collecting herbs and medicinal flowers for ingredients for medicines and remedies. Baizhu said that you were a hard-working person and that sometimes you would help at the pharmacy too.

"I could make some time and head to your home again today. I tried to look for your diary, but even when I looked everywhere, I wasn't able to find it," Baizhu said with a sorrowful expression. You had asked him to send someone to fetch your diary so that you could see your own past that you had written.

However, it was not found.

You shook your head, telling Baizhu that it was okay. Maybe the diary was with you when you were up in the mountains, as you sometimes took it with you outside. Baizhu looked heartbroken, unable to look at you in the eyes, as the proof that you and he were lovers, other than the rings, was gone. The snake that was wrapped around his neck was not there to cover up the awkward silence between the two of you.

You felt guilty that you didn't remember, unable to remember something that was almost like it didn't happen. Looking at his hand, a ring shined under the light from the candlestick. The sun was setting, and before it got too dark, Baizhu had lit the candle. A simple band, yet the same color as yours. You wondered what your relationship with him was like, how much you showed it outside to the public and inside, how long you had feelings for him, or who confessed first. You do not remember even one thing. Reaching out, you placed your hand on top of his, smiling at him.

You wondered if you should trust him. It would be awkward if not hard to start everything again, but if your relationship with him was real, then you thought that it would not be hard to bring those feelings back again. You remembered the people who visited you, Qiqi, who you remembered was a zombie and had a hard time remembering, talked to you in a way that showed she knew you. She would often hand you some flowers that she picked at the mountain, hoping that you would get well soon. Clearly, that was enough to tell you that you were at the pharmacy often or had multiple trips to the mountain with her collecting herbs.

Not only that, the people who knew you also visited, some friends who stayed by your side. While a little awkward at first, having a hard time sinking in the fact that their friend may not be remembered, many of the memories spent together, while some others were more mature about it and tried to help you whenever they could. They all said the same thing, though, that you were a private person when it came to love, but they were also not surprised by the ring on your hand. Some said that they noticed it before the accident but didn't have the time to comment on it before, as you looked very busy to stop and have a chat about it back then.

They didn't look all that surprised when you told them that Baizhu was your fiancé, as he had told them a little while ago before coming here. They also thought that it was highly likely that it was him of all people. They had seen you two together multiple times before, after all, though not announced as a couple, there was certainly chemistry there, one of them commented.

When you were finally able to go out, many regulars who had to visit the pharmacy often greeted you in surprise when they finally saw you. They had heard of what happened and could only feel sorry as they asked if you were alright. It was there too that people talked about you and Baizhu being together. "It was horrible that such a thing had happened to such a lovely couple," an old grandmother commented. When you asked them to go into more detail, the granny and older ladies all told you in enthusiasm of how cute the two of you were while they watched from the side waiting for their medication.

It was hard to believe, yet the more people talked, the easier it became to believe that you and him were lovers. Your engagement was recent, and you didn't have enough time to tell others about it before the incident.

Baizhu watched as you talked to the elderly who told you many stories of what they saw between you and Baizhu as you listened to them, hesitantly wondering if this was the truth or not. Other than the engagement rings, it must have been difficult to believe that you and him were lovers with hardly enough physical proof. All you had to go with was him and the people's words.

How splendidly did this work in his favor.

You see, you were never his to begin with. You had a lover who lived deep in the mountains, whom you would visit often on your trips. You kept it a secret from everyone. The only reason why he knew when it would have been difficult for him to follow you up high mountains was Qiqi.

Qiqi, after all, was very fond of you and more often than not tried her best to remember moments by writing them in her diary to keep. It wasn't him looking at the small girl's diary that he knew that, but more so a slip of the tongue of some sort. Whenever it was the two of you who went on a trip, Qiqi always came back telling that she had remembered someone talking to you often, also helping her get to flowers that were a little difficult to grab easily due to her height.

It seemed that you had started to take an interest in another man. Baizhu wasn't happy, annoyed more than anything that you had fallen for someone else. Changsheng mocked him for his frustrations, but was startled by his irritated demeanor. It wasn't supposed to show, and most didn't notice, but he supposed those who knew him knew that he was in a very bad mood right now and learned to avoid him unless it was something very important.

Yet before he could do anything drastic, it seemed that the archons had done everything for him instead. You just had to go to him in this heavy storm and hurt yourself. You knew of the storm, yet the feeling just didn't sit right with you as you continued to think about that man. Something was wrong. You left the pharmacy even when Baizhu told you not to leave.

How shocked he was when you came back very injured and with amnesia. Even if he was saddened, scared even, that you were in pain, Baizhu could not help but become a little delighted.

When you looked so worried, your poor, soft, lovely heart was unable to stand the idea that he was hurt when it was all a lie in the first place that he was your fiancé. Changsheng pointed out sarcastically that he was deranged in the head when it came to you. Too sly already, yet when it came to you, it seemed that he was greedy.

And maybe he was, when you were placed right in front of him, how could he not consume his precious little thing’s mind?

[chu-diaries]

100 days of mental healthcare: day 100/100

Well, it's over! I genuinely can't believe it's been 100 days since I started this challenge (even more than 100, since I skipped a day or two when I couldn't post).

For those who just arrived, I started this challenge in April, the day after my birthday, when I was really in bad health. I had severe panic attacks about 4 times a day, which made me unable to do anything. I dealt with constant suicidal thoughts, I barely slept anymore and I was spending everything I had on doctors, self-knowledge courses and therapies. I found myself with two options: the first was to invest in medications that would make me dependent and drugged, but that would fix my brain. However, there was a risk that I wouldn't get the dose or medication right in time and my situation would get worse. The second option was longer and more difficult: studying how my body, my brain and my limits worked, and then adjusting day after day what wasn't going well. You know that I chose this option and that I created the 100-day mental healthcare challenge to track my progress on this.

In these 100 days I learned a lot that I want to share here. As we are all unique and different human beings, you may not agree with what I applied in my life, but I ask for respect and empathy, because all of this saved me. Also, some points have a scientific basis in research I did and books I read.

1. mental health and nutrition

This was one of the first things I learned. I realized that when I was hungry, my body didn't give me clear signals. Probably due to my autism and ADHD, I was always disconnected from my body's needs and didn't know how to identify hunger (which I expected to be something like a growling in my stomach, but it never was that way). What actually happened was that, instead of hunger, I had a critical increase in my intrusive and suicidal thoughts, which made mealtimes much worse than they should have been. Our mind is more vulnerable when the body is not properly fed and hydrated, and many of us neurodivergent people will not feel hunger like neurotypicals do. Our body wants us to move to find food, so it sends us successive stimuli through our brains to fight for our lives and, well, eat. Some of these stimuli can be very negative and, instead of propelling us forward, they drain our energy and make us even more depressed, which also doesn't happen to the same extent with neurotypicals, who deal with this type of thing much better. To avoid this, I started eating every 3 hours, and not because a doctor told me to, but because I realized that my crises happened with this frequency. By eating regularly and preventively, my body stopped depending on this resource to nourish itself and I became more mentally stable.

2. mental healthcare and intestinal system

The gut is not our second brain for nothing. The health of our mind is completely connected to the health of our gut. You have certainly heard the phrase “you are what you eat” and it is true. What surprised me most in my studies was discovering that neurotypical and completely mentally healthy people develop mental disorders if their gut microbiota is altered. In other words, we must nourish our gut to maintain our mental health. The more diverse our microbiota is, the better our mental health will be. This means eating various foods per week, as colorful and natural as possible, because food industrialization is also partially responsible for the number of mental disorders that exist today.

3. mental healthcare and eating meat

This is a difficult topic, since I was a vegetarian for many years, but I want to share what I learned with you. The incidence of mental disorders is directly associated with the levels of omega 3, taurine and tryptophan. Omega 3 is a good fat and essential not only for maintaining memory, but for all of our cognitive functioning and, although it can be supplemented in a vegan way, it is not as accessible to everyone in the appropriate dosage as fish. Similarly, meat has high levels of taurine and tryptophan, which regulate anxiety and depression and improve sleep. For many years I did not eat meat, supplementing protein with vegetables and whey, and for all those years I suffered from anxiety and depression. I never imagined that my blood type would also suffer more from this lack of protein: blood type O struggles more to maintain mental health and ideal mood levels with vegetable proteins. It is a blood type that needs animal protein. Going back to eating meat was not an easy decision, but I decided to test it out: even though I ate a small amount of animal protein per day, my cognitive function improved a lot in these past 100 days. I became more mentally stable and stronger, my mood improved, my gut responded positively and suddenly the things that haunted me were no longer so big. I never thought that mental health and animal protein had any connection, but I was very surprised to discover that eating meat (or not) influences our mind.

4. mental healthcare and intrusive thoughts

Well, I studied psychology, but it was a theory that didn't deal with intrusive thoughts. In these 100 days I discovered this term and delved deep enough to understand that we all have intrusive thoughts. Neurotypicals deal with them better, while neurodivergents deal with them much worse. Unfortunately, I suffered a lot with these thoughts and suffered even more trying to understand why this was happening in my head. If you suffer from intrusive thoughts, start by understanding that they are not real and that they do not come from you consciously. An intrusive thought is something that crosses your mind and is similar to a scary radio station that you accidentally connected to. It does not belong to you. I learned to think (and I like this theory) that this is a way for the brain to prepare itself for various possibilities, even the most absurd and impossible ones. We are animals and our body wants to survive, so I understand that the brain explores various probabilities to always be prepared, no matter what happens. Of course, for anxious and depressed people this has the opposite effect and makes us want to die. Over time, you learn that you can’t control when these thoughts appear, but you can control how much power you give them. I deal with obsessive intrusive thoughts every day, but each day I’m becoming more and more able to not get emotionally involved with them. “It’s just a glitch in my brain,” I think, taking a deep breath.

5. mental healthcare and joy (which is worth more than solving problems)

I've always had a very fast-paced mind, cluttered with things and addicted to solving problems. In recent years I thought I should focus more on relaxing and opening up spaces in my mind, but I discovered that an empty mind can be treacherous for neurodivergent people. Our mind is, in fact, addicted to solving problems. That's how our species evolved and prospered. Our mind has an organizational structure that seeks, through connections and associations, to process past and future events, resolve pending issues and find solutions for what was left behind. We do this with everything, even with things that are not in our control. I spent a lot of my life trying to solve what was going on in my head and I was unsuccessful because I wasn't the one who created this situation. Although solving problems is a pattern of the mind, it is a sweet illusion. Many things are not actually solved, we only think they are. I discovered that the time I invested trying to solve mental problems that I did not create could be used to create happier foundations to strengthen myself. I learned that it is actually joy that heals, not obsessively thinking about the problem until it is solved. Every time I focused my energy on doing something good, laughing or contemplating nature, I became a little stronger and remembered who I am. I won't deny that I felt guilty - the cognitive rigidity of autism screamed at me that I was ignoring my problems and that I was creating a silly fantasy world. Even so, I fought to break out of this pattern. It is still difficult. But today I believe that I’m meant to be happy and that cultivating moments of joy makes life worthwhile.

6. mental healthcare and feeling useful

Feeling useful is essential for mental health. We all want to be part of something and be recognized as necessary. In these 100 days, I decided to resume some volunteer work within my community and I also opened a new company, with handmade products, so that I would also have the opportunity to produce something that was not only in the intellectual field (handicrafts are very good for those who suffer from anxiety). Having a dynamic routine in which you have an important role is great for mental health and your sense of self-authority. Also, getting in touch with other people's personal stories helps to decentralize our gaze from ourselves, which is very useful if you suffer from OCD. As tiring as it may be, the more diverse activities we do, the better our cognitive function becomes.

7. mental healthcare and moving the body

It's interesting that to take care of your mind, you need to get out of your head and move your body. Many of the tensions accumulated in our minds can be released by running, walking or playing some sport. It doesn't matter what it is, but move your body. We were not designed to stay still, but to do various strength, balance and endurance exercises. Our ancestors walked for days in search of shelter and food, and that's how our bodies evolved. Especially for those who suffer from anxiety, high-impact exercises not only help regulate your mood and release neurotransmitters, but also generate a stress spike that will do your body good for the rest of the day. When we trigger these spikes, our body answer quickly and creates new pathways to respond to stress, which helps us better deal with anxiety, depression, instructive thoughts, etc. Our sleep also improves, as we use our stored energy and tend to think less before going to sleep.

8. mental healthcare and sleep hygiene

I have always tried to force myself to be silent. I forced myself to meditate for many years, without much success, but after the panic attacks returned, meditating and being silent were torture. It was as if I made room for all my inner demons to dance in my mind and I always felt worse. I recently discovered that neurodivergent people struggle more with silence and that it does them a lot of good to distract their minds with sounds, images and other stimuli that allow them to emotionally engage with something real and outside of themselves. I see that it is a controversial topic, but I no longer believe in sleep hygiene without screens and complex content. My best nights of sleep were those in which I distracted myself with something until I fell asleep or listened to someone talking until I fell asleep. So if you want to test what works best for you, know your limits and do not blindly obey the orders that someone has set. Maybe you work better at dawn, maybe you only need 6 hours of sleep, maybe you are different from the average. Your life's work is to discover yourself and be true to it.

9. mental healthcare and developing self-authority

This was very important to me. I have always had low self-esteem and I have always believed in others more than in myself. I sought answers and cures for what I suffered from various doctors and therapists, but all of this only made my situation worse. I became dependent on diagnoses, consultations and sessions that never really helped me. At a certain point I decided that I would educate myself on the subjects that bothered me. I studied, and studied a lot, about psychology, neurology, neuroscience, nutrition and about the functioning of the body as a whole. Today I no longer accept any diagnosis about myself because I have developed my own authority. I am the authority when it comes to myself, you know? I don't need others to tell me what I am feeling because now I know what it is and where it comes from. I also know, fortunately, how to solve it. When I go to a doctor or have an exam, I know what I am investigating and what I need to achieve. It is very sad that today medicine is just a search for money and that you only get good care if you pay a lot for it, so it is important to get educated about yourself so you won’t fall into standardized speeches that will lead you to the ever-increasing consumption of pharmaceuticals and drugs without, in fact, looking at the cause of the problem.

10. mental healthcare and time

There are things that only time can heal. There is nothing like letting time pass. A few months ago, all I could think about was how I wanted to end my life and it was tormenting to think about living for even one more day. Waiting for time to pass was difficult, but I was rewarded. Time has a way of overcoming some things if you allow yourself to create new memories, new connections and new laughs. If you are suffering a lot, wait a few more hours. Live one more day. Let time pass and life bring you better things.

See you guys again on my next challenge (maybe a productivity one?). Thanks to everyone who liked and reblogged my previous posts! 💕

[rottingpirate]

Hello!! Is there a second part to the cod MIA reader? If not could I request one? ♥️ :)

No, cause I completely forgot about it 😭

'm sorry, here you go broski

M.I.A. reader who comes back pt. 2

Warnings: typical CoD violence, human trafficking, some angst, kinda ooc

Gaz

Gaz shot upright, gasping and sweaty, tangled up in his bedsheets. Another nightmare. No one else is in the room, no one but him and an empty space next to him. The sun was already shining bright and it slightly hurt his eyes.

Y/N should be here. It's been one week since you've been declared as MIA. So far, there had been no sign of you. No demands had been made, no threats, no body had been found…the silence was eating him alive. 

It was as though you had vanished completely, everyone knew that with each minute that passed, their chances of finding you deteriorated.

Knock knock. Captain Price came into his room. He takes a moment as he surveys the room before sitting down on the bed next to him. Gaz didn't have the patience to wait for him to start the conversation. "Did you find them?" His voice came out as hoarse, rough, probably cause he hasn't left his room in the past few days.

"Yes, we found them," He sounded relieved. Gaz' breathing stopped for a second, he started getting up to reach for his clothes, asking when were they leaving, until Price stooped him "but you're not coming."

"What? Why not? They're my partner."

Price pats him on the shoulder and shakes his head. "You have barely eaten in the past week. You haven't trained nor have you left your room...you need to sit this one out, kid." He wanted to protest. He couldn't stay in his bed and just wait, but the look his captain gave him made him shut up. "Okay...just- bring them back to me, please." Gaz let's out a shaky breath and closes his eyes. You're alive.

The rescue mission took a long time. Longer than Gaz would have liked. He was scared, scared of seeing the state you would be in. He didn't want to think about all the gory and bad images that swirled in his head.

Gaz was staring at the ceiling for what felt like hours and he didn't even realize how he drifted.

When he wakes up, his breath catches in his throat, you're standing there with that dump smile of yours. How long have you been standing there? He could instantly tell that you've been through a tough time, you looked a little bit thinner, your face was littered with bruises and Gaz didn't want to know how the rest of your body was doing. It seemed like you were already taken to the doctor, as you already had a cast on your arm and there seemed to be a lot less blood than he imagined there to be.

He wanted to jump up and hug, to kiss you all over and never let you go and he didn't even realize how he started crying.

You sat down next to him, pulling him into a gentle hug while telling him that everythings all right.

Price

“(Y/N)! (Y/N), please respond!”

Price’s tone was pleading, wanting nothing more than his partner to answer. But, the communications frequency was filled with static. “(Y/N), if you can hear me please, respond….fuck, please” He sounded defeated, the much needed response not coming through no matter how hard he tried to wish for it.

"(Y/N)?” Price’s voice was a low whisper in the end. But no matter how hard he was pleading. Begging. You were not responding.

"We’ll find (Y/N). They’re too stubborn to die,” Soap says, standing next to him, squeezing his shoulder gently. “And if they’re not?” “They’re just missing. We’ll find them,” He assures him. Remembering that only made Price’s heart hurt more. 

For three weeks he waited. Fot three weeks he hardly ate and slept. Three weeks of no messages.

Why Y/N? Why not me?

Y/N could be captured. They could be dead or hurt and waiting for help. You decades of experience under the belt, and the chances of you going down during a mission as simple as this one seem slim, but still possible.

Meanwhile...they took you to the other prisoners. The prisoners that you had to save. You felt deeply ashamed when you realized that he had completely and utterly failed. Completely failed.

It was dim and dirty in the little cell that you were held in.

In these three weeks you have grown a lot closer with the other prisoners. There were two girls, who were about your age and a boy, who was maybe around 17. You weren't physically hurt, but definetly weak. In these past few weeks you barely got any food, sleep, fresh air or water.

141 launched a rescue mission couple days after you went missing, but nothing turned up. But this time, they might have a lead. An old warehouse in the middle of nowhere. It wasn't heavily guarded, and their squad would definetly be able to get past them. He couldn't focus as they began planning the rescue. All he could think of was rushing ahead, jumping in the plane, taking every bastard who had touched you down with his bare hands. 

When they arrived Price was anything but his usual professional self, he came in he stormed through the pile of bodies littering the corridors of whatever this building was, firing shots at anyone not in a guard’s uniform. 

"Found them! Found Y/N!" Ghost shouted through the comms and Price sprinted through the hallways to the location Soap was at.

Price quickly helped you up, while the rest of 141 took care of the other people that were there with you. You were unsteady on your feet as you tried walking to the car. Price suggested he'd carry you, but you protested, telling him that it's okay and you can walk on you own.

Price swore that he would love, protect and be there for you for as long as he lived. There was nothing in this life he wanted more. Nothing was more important than you in this moment.

[mrsbuckybarnes1917]

FINDING YOU Chapter 12

Summary: You're in a relationship with Steve Rogers, but his best friend just always seems to be around!

Word Count: 5.7k

Warnings: smut ... eventually, I promise

MASTERLIST

CHAPTER 12

Bucky spent another week in the hospital but it didn’t take long before the nurses were refusing to enter his room. The surgeons were skittish when they came to deliver the news of his progress. The only people he was civil with were you and Steve, but barely.

"Bucky, your dressing is stained. Why wasn't it changed this morning?"

Bucky shrugged. “They don’t really come in here much.”

“Why?”

Bucky held up his arm. “They probably know who I am.”

“What? Why should that matter?”

You were outraged, how dare the staff not treat Bucky because of his past. “I’m going to go and sort this out.” You started walking towards the door.

“Ace!” Bucky called after you to stop. “Wait! Don’t do that.”

“Why? This isn’t acceptable.”

“It’s not their fault. I didn’t want them to do it.”

“What do you mean, Buck? Why not?”

“It doesn't matter, it will heal,” he answered dismally.

“It will scar!”

“I have plenty already, another one doesn't make much difference.”

“Bucky, you have to take care of yourself! What’s going on?”

“They keep wanting to do tests and they won’t say why. You said you’d be here.”

“Oh Buck.” Your heart clenched at what he was telling you. Surgeons had never been very communicative when it came to explaining medical procedures, their usual attitude was very commanding. Naturally Bucky wouldn’t have responded very well to this, he must be scared of being used by another organization in the same way he was used by HYDRA, and to some extent even the US Army. “I’m sorry. Why didn’t you tell me when I called you?”

“You were busy.”

“And yet you’re mad at me because I didn’t come to see you.”

He didn’t answer, but he didn’t deny your observation.

“I’m sorry. I left the kids for five days after the explosion. There’s a lot going on with them. I’ve been at the Academy all day and half the night for the last few days. I feel like I haven’t slept in years. Sorry.”

“You should sit.”

“No, someone needs to change this dressing. And did they empty your chest drain today?”

“I assume that’s the big ass tube sticking out of my chest?”

“Yeah, this container on the floor here. Did someone empty that today?”

“I don’t think so.”

“It means that it needs to be taken out,” you sighed. “Fucking surgeons!”

“Hey, it’s ok, calm down.”

You hated how emotionally out of control you felt in that moment, the exhaustion was starting to take its toll. Bucky had known you long enough that he could tell what you were feeling.

“Are you patronizing me?” you asked with a trembling lip.

“I would never!” Bucky couldn’t quite hide his smile.

“Jerk!” you gave him a watery chuckle. “Bucky, I-”

“It’s alright.”

“I wanted to be here.” Who’s guilt were you trying to assuage?

“I know.”

“I’m going to get someone to-”

“Do you have to? Why can’t you do it?”

“Buck, I’m not your doctor.”

“I know, but you know how. And I trust you.”

“Because Buck, I’m too tired to be doing any kind of medical procedure. How about I get them, but I’ll be right here and talk you through it? How’s that?”

“Fine.”

“Once we get that out, hopefully we can get you out of this dump. And by dump, I mean it’s actually an incredible facility.”

You were able to get the attention of a resident and nurse who were able and brave enough to enter Bucky’s room. You explained to Bucky that his chest drain was inserted because he had a punctured lung which had collapsed. In order to relieve the pressure and reinflate the lung, he needed the drain. Now that there was no fluid draining, it was ready to be removed. It was a relatively simple act of pulling out the tube and throwing in a stitch to close the incision made to insert the tube. You wrapped your fingers around his as they started, he squeezed your hand slightly as they physically removed the tube and pushed his skin back together.

“There you go,” the resident said, patching a dressing over the fresh wound. “You might have a small scar, but nothing quite as gnarly as those.” He motioned to the scars surrounding Bucky’s vibranium arm.

Bucky scowled, his fist clenched. He looked ready to punch the junior resident.

“Thank you doctor. Why don’t you go and start arranging Sergeant Barnes discharge papers?”

“Oh, I don’t think he is ready-” the resident started, before you interrupted him.

“Could you speak with your attending please? I’m sure that they would very much appreciate the bed space.” The resident stared at you blankly. “Go, now, please?”

“Thank you!" you called after him as he left.

"I think you scared him," Bucky grinned at you. 

"I shouldn't have done that," you sighed heavily, sitting down on the edge of the bed. Your eyelids were feeling more and more heavy.

Bucky shuffled over on the bed to make some space for you to sit more comfortably.

"Ace, you look exhausted. I know I was a bit of an idiot about you not coming to visit but you should probably go home and sleep."

"Is that your way of saying I look like crap?"

"I think you always look beautiful."

You blushed, not quite knowing how to respond. Kiss him, your brain screamed at you. Why couldn't your brain carry out one simple executive function? Instead you decided to change the subject 

"Bucky, we have to talk about how you go home."

"What's the problem?"

"You don't even have a bed in your apartment!"

"I'll just sleep on the floor. It will be fine!"

"With a broken leg?"

"I've had worse injuries and survived just fine."

"Buck, that's not funny."

"Hey, I fell out of a train and into a frozen ravine. Only lost one limb."

"Well I'd rather you didn't lose another."

"Don't worry about me."

"Of course I worry about you. Especially when you go and do dumb things like letting a building fall on you!"

"Hey, come on. Sit down for a minute. Stop trying to look after everyone."

He was the only person who called you out for helping others. He was the only one who got you to slow down, to take time to take care of yourself. He took care of you. And you loved him for it. You loved him.

Bucky patted the bed. "Sit!"

Instead of perching on the side, you kicked off your shoes and squeezed yourself in beside him, shoulder to shoulder. You heaved a sigh of relief, the weight of your own body had more of a burden than you thought. 

"Better?" he asked. He was always so gentle with you.

"It's always better when I'm with you, Buck."

You laid your head on his shoulder, eyelids feeling heavy. The pillow was surprisingly comfortable, as was Bucky's shoulder. It would be alright if you rested with him for a few moments before you headed home. 

However, the draw of slumber was too much for you. You'd spent many a night in a hospital bed in the past but never had you felt so comfortable in the company of another person in such close proximity. It wasn't long before your head was buried in the crook of Bucky's neck with you snoring softly, lost to Morpheus's beckoning. Even the knock on the door wasn't enough to free you from his clutches.

"Hey Buck. I know it's late but-" Steve stopped short as he noticed your presence and Bucky's shushing gestures.

He chuckled softly at Bucky's gestures.

"She's been burning the candle at both ends."

"Yeah," Bucky sighed. He had started to feel guilty about his surly behavior. 

"Want me to take her home?"

"I guess she'll be more comfortable there." It was a disappointing conclusion. 

As if to voice your objection, you rolled over, still fast asleep, wrapping your arm around Bucky's and nestled your face further into his shoulder.

"Looks like she disagrees," Steve smiled at you fondly. 

"Do you mind pulling up the rail? Just in case."

Steve obliged with Bucky's request. He also grabbed an extra blanket from the shelf and covered you with it, taking special care to cover your feet. 

"She gets cold," Steve explained. "Take care of her."

Bucky was taken aback by the tenderness in Steve's voice.

"Hey pal?"

"Yeah Buck?"

Bucky wondered if Steve still loved you. In fact he feared it. What if he was hurting his best friend? He was so close to a happiness he hadn't felt in years, so close that he was afraid of breathing and blowing it all away. But he owed it to Steve to ask.

"Are you alright?" 

"Yeah. I'm sure the two of you will be happy together. I couldn't ask for anything more." He smiled sadly at his friend. "Just don’t blow it like I did."

“Steve…”

“You deserve to be happy, Bucky. You both do.”

“Thank you.” 

“You should get some sleep too. Night.”

Steve left you fast asleep by Bucky’s side. For the first time in what felt like an eternity, Bucky allowed himself a moment to relax, to savor what he had rather than mourning what he had lost. He relished the way your hand was wrapped around his bicep, how you held him close to your chest. Even though Steve had all but confirmed that you reciprocate his feelings, he knew better than to rejoice until he heard it straight from the horse’s mouth. But he allowed himself the hope.

For the briefest of moments his impatience had him considering shaking you awake but dare he ask such a direct question? No. Instead he reclined the bed slowly in an attempt to sleep. The motion made you stir, but instead of waking, Bucky felt you move your arm so that it was wrapped around his torso. He closed his eyes and let the darkness surround him.

You woke in the early hours of the morning, having slept for almost twelve hours. When you opened your eyes, the first thing you saw was Bucky's bearded face. It was a breathtaking sight. As you gathered your senses, you realized, not only were you an inch from his face, but you were staring. And was your arm really where you thought it was? It was so intimate for someone who you'd never discussed intimacy with.

As gently as you could, you took your arm off his chest, fingers lingering for the briefest of moments over the dressing where his chest drain had been removed. You checked his face to look for signs of waking before you sat up. You turned away to try and untangle yourself from the blanket that was stuck between your legs and the bed rail when you felt a warm hand around your forearm.

“Bucky!” you whispered with surprise and a hint of panic. “I didn’t mean to wake you. Go back to sleep.”

“Don't go.”

His voice was low, so low that you weren’t quite sure you heard him.

“What?”

“Don't go.” He repeated.

“Bucky, I-”

“Stay.”

He tugged on your arm and you conceded, resting back on your elbow.

“I want you to stay.”

“I’m here, Buck.”

He took your free hand and guided it to his chest, coming to rest over his heart. “Here,” he whispered, not once taking his eyes off you.

The way his eyes shone in the darkness drew you closer to him and you leaned over him. It was now or never. You moved down towards him, your lips brushed over his, noses rubbing together, you heard Bucky’s breath hitch slightly. For a second you thought about pulling back, but his hands were around your waist, holding you close and he raised his head keeping your lips pressed together.

It wasn’t like any other first kiss you’d ever had. The longing you felt from Bucky was unlike anything you’d experienced and you didn’t want it to end.

The scientists who had administered the supersoldier serum to Bucky in 1943 had been extremely talented. The rate at which he was healing was downright miraculous. The surgeons removed the Ilizarov frame from his broken leg and the only thing that kept Bucky from jumping off the bed was your hands on his chest. These frames were often in place for 6 months, he had only had it on for 6 days but his x-rays were showing solid callus formation on the healing bone.

“We suggest you avoid weight bearing for at least another week.” The surgeon had advised Bucky’s scowling face. “But there is no reason you need to remain in the hospital any longer.”

He reluctantly took the crutches handed to him but used them under your watchful supervision. Steve was ready to drive Bucky home and he dropped both of you off at his apartment.

“Thanks Ace. I got this from here,” Bucky said, his hand on the door knob.

“Oh.” You felt confused. “Buck, is this because of the file thing?” you asked sorrowfully.

“No.” He propped his crutch up against the wall and cupped your face in his hand. “It’s not. I… it’s stupid. I know you’ve already been inside. It’s just not very … well furnished.”

“I remember. So don’t be mad, but-”

“What did you do?”

“You don’t have anywhere to sleep. It’s not good for your leg. So I asked Steve and Sam to bring my couch here for you. It’s a pull out, so you can sleep on it. I hope that’s ok?”

“I guess it'll be better than the floor.” He conceded. He turned back to the door and opened it, nodding at you to follow.

The boys had done well, having expanded the couch and made up a bed in the living room in front of the TV.

“I would have bought you a bed, but well…”

“That’s a bit presumptuous, don’t you think, Ace?” He had a hint of a smirk and the tiniest flutter of a wink.

Was he flirting with you?

You blushed under the intensity of his gaze. You felt a surge of blood course through your body, a rush of fluid between your legs. It wasn’t that you hadn’t considered it before, it was that you’d never considered it was possible. Now here you were, alone with him and you felt afraid. Not afraid of him, but of the world it would open, the vulnerability and the potential of pain that came with it.

“Ace?”

“Yeah?” His voice snapped you out of your train of thought.

“Everything ok?”

“Yeah. Why don’t you go sit down. I’m going to see what food you have so we can have some lunch.”

“I’m not sure you’re going to find much in there, other than takeout menus.”

You sighed and shook your head, peering into the empty fridge. “Right, takeout it is!"

"Ace, you know you don't have to do all this."

"Seriously, Buck?" 

"Yeah." He looked a little taken aback by your incredulity.

"This is coming from the guy who sulked because I didn't visit him for two days!"

"I wasn't sulking." Sullenness written all over his face.

"Yeah, just like you're not sulking now," you teased.

His lower lip protruded slightly as you teased him. You took the menus and sat down on the arm of the couch right next to Bucky. You twisted your legs over so your feet rested on the other side of his lap.

"It's a good thing you look cute when you pout like that. I don't know how any of the nurses managed to control themselves."

It took a moment for him to process your words and it was satisfying watching his features light up.

"You think I'm cute?"

"It's a strong possibility." You tried your hardest to convey an air of nonchalance.

Without warning Bucky wrapped his hand around your ankles and gave them a good tug, sending you flying off the arm of the couch straight into his lap with a loud squeal.

"Careful, flattery will get you everywhere with me."

"Bucky, what the hell! Your leg!" You tried to scramble out of his lap, worried about your weight on his broken limb.

You didn't get far, Bucky was holding you far too close for you to escape. "Hey, stop, it's okay."

When you succumbed to his embrace you realized just how close you were. Your breath was faster than it should have been and it wasn't because of the struggle. The thumping of your heart in your chest was palpable and you knew Bucky could hear it too. There was something inside your chest that seemed to want to get out, an urge deep inside you which you'd felt ever since you'd found him lying lifeless under the building. Tentatively, you reached up, fingertips grazing the rough stubble sprouting across his beautifully sculpted jawline.

"I don't want to hurt you," you whispered.

He reached up, tucking the stray strands of your hair behind your ear. "I know you wouldn't hurt me, Ace."

You'd been treating him like he was made of glass, that he would break at the slightest touch, but the Bucky you'd come to know, the Bucky you'd come to love, he was anything but fragile. Your Bucky was strong, he was resilient, he was loyal and most importantly he was yours.

"How can you be so sure?" you asked, not taking your eyes off his soft gaze.

He was barely an inch from your face, you could feel his breath against your lips and it was intoxicating. It would be so easy to fall onto his lips but something in his eyes stopped you. It felt like he was gazing so deep into your soul that you had no secrets left to keep from him. The icy fire in his winter blue eyes seemed to burn brighter than anything you'd ever seen, filled with so much passion and desire that you felt yourself clench with anticipation.

"Why don't you see for yourself?" 

"What?"

"Use your abilities, check for yourself."

You felt slightly disappointed, he wasn't after something more intimate. He let you climb off his lap and you felt a cold shiver where his warm arms had enveloped you. Crawling to the end of the couch, you came to rest in a kneel at his feet.

"Go on, Ace," he smirked.

Was he flirting again?

Slowly you put your hands on his leg, fingertips at first, reaching out with your senses. It was almost like you could feel the vibrations coming from the molecules and atoms which gave Bucky his very essence. And if you closed your eyes and felt deeper, it was as though the electrons buzzed happily at you. You wondered if this is what it had been like to fall into the quantum realm.

Instead of vibing with the electrons, you pulled yourself back, giving you a bigger picture of what was happening inside him. Your palms now rested against his shin and fingers now wrapped around his muscular calf as you explored the sinew and bone beneath his flesh. Your senses crept between the muscle fibers and down to his bone. You could feel the cracks that had already started to heal, the calluses that had formed holding the pieces together with surprising strength.

You smiled, looking up at Bucky with excitement about his speed of healing, but you were shocked to see him leaning back against the sofa, eyes closed, mouth parted slightly and his hands pressed against the cushioned mattress.

You took your hands off his flesh like you'd been burned. "What happened? What's wrong?" you asked, panicking. 

Bucky opened his eyes to look at you. "Nothing’s wrong, Ace. You gotta chill." He held out his hand and beckoned you to come closer.

"Did I hurt you?"

"No."

"It felt… warm." He paused, trying to find the right words for the sensation he had experienced. "It's like… when the doctors inject stuff into you, and you can feel it rushing through your veins."

The comparison made your heart sink, that your powers reminded him of how he was treated by HYDRA. Bucky noticed the change in your features immediately. 

"It wasn't always a bad thing, you know. Usually it came with the welcome relief of sleep. The bad things all went away. When I felt that I knew it came with some peace." He reassured you with a squeeze or his hand. "You can keep going, you know."

"You like it?" you asked with a slight waver in your voice.

"Sweetheart, I love it."

The twinkle in his eyes and the half smirk he offered you made you blush profusely and sent a rush of arousal through you. The way he called you sweetheart made you dizzy with delight and he knew it. Bucky had always been able to read you like a book, your highs and your lows and now you would start a new chapter together. 

You'd crept closer to him, hands on each of his thighs, pushing down with your fingertips, your powers weaving down through each layer of skin, muscle and bone. Slowly you moved your hands up towards his body, watching his face intently. He never took his eyes off you as you edged closer and closer, hand slipping under the material of the shorts he had on. You were mere inches away when his eyes finally fluttered slightly, giving in to the pleasure he felt. The pleasure you gave him. The thought thrilled you.

He moaned, putting his hands on yours to stop your ascent. "Maybe we should take our time? I-"

"Of course, Buck." You smiled. The last thing you wanted was to make him uncomfortable and ruin things by getting carried away.

"I think you should finishing making sure that I'm fit for duty. Complete physical examination. Isn't that right?"

"Are you telling the doctor how to do her job?"

"Wouldn't dream of it."

"I might need to get a little closer, we need to start from the top."

Obligingly Bucky dropped his legs so you could straddle them, letting you perch on his thighs. Your core ached for attention but you needed to show restraint having agreed to take things at his pace. Instead you put your hands on his face, palms cupping the sides, as your thumbs caressed his cheekbones.

"I think you should come even closer." His tongue flitted out over his lips, before he raked his teeth over them.

"Yeah?" you asked.

Bucky’s hands left your hips and moved up to the back of your neck, pulling you forwards into a kiss. The moment his lips met yours, your mind was reeling. You had a vague idea from Steve that Bucky had very much been a charmer but you hadn't thought about it much further, but now you knew with certainty that he had the skills to back his bravado. There was a suaveness to the way he slipped his tongue into your mouth. It made you wonder what other wonders it could manage and that thought made you moan.

Bucky broke the kiss. "You like that?"

You felt giddy and oh so aroused. Eager to regain that feeling you lent back towards him but he held you back, hands on your shoulders.

"What do you say about moving on a little?"

You nodded.

"What else were they worried about in the hospital?"

"There were a few lacerations on your arm," you said, taking his right hand between both yours.

You worked your way up to his shoulder, both of you reveling in the way it made you feel. Your fingers danced over his right clavicle, then over to his left, eyes never straying from each other. You edged closer to his left side and for a moment you considered moving down his torso, but the vibranium was a part of him and you wanted him to know you accepted that part of him, loved that part of him equally. As you reached out to the cool metal, everything changed. You are in awe of the complexity of the mechanics that made the prosthetic work. There was a beauty in the way the gears moved, simultaneously, in conjunction with each other to initiate the smallest of movements. You smiled, fascinated by the novel technology.

"You seem to be enjoying that," Bucky brought your attention back to him.

"Can you feel this?" you asked.

He shook his head.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. But maybe we can focus on something else now?" He cocked his head to one side.

"Right away, Sergeant." You placed both palms on his chest. "I think we can progress better without the shirt, what do you think?"

"I hope you aren't taking advantage of me" He pulled off his fitted black t-shirt.

"I wouldn't dream of it, Buck," you said as you raked your eyes over his well defined abs.

"Come now, let's not get distracted."

You brought your eyes back to his, face flushed with embarrassment.

"Sorry."

"Not to worry, it happens to the best of us. Now, tell me what's going on here," he held your hands against his chest.

The synchronicity of his healing ribs expanding as he took a breath and inflated his lungs was exquisite. You checked in, making sure that the sensations weren't too overwhelming. 

"Lungs seem to be in order," you declared.

"What else?"

You didn't need powers to feel how hard his heart was beating in his chest. "May I?"

He nodded.

You needed to be careful, the smallest of nudges could lead to an arrhythmia or a stunned pericardium. Bucky mistook your caution as hesitation. 

"You okay?"

"Yeah. Have to be careful, don't want to create any new problems."

"I trust you." His eyes told you he spoke the truth.

Taking a deep breath, you closed your eyes, reaching into his chest. You could feel the way his heart contracted and relaxed, like clockwork, bounded yet infinite, leaping from beat to beat. It reminded you of a repeating musical frequency, the same notes repeating and rejoining in a Fibonacci sequence. You had never felt so close to another human being as you did in that moment and the beauty brought tears to your eyes.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, it's perfect."

Bucky chuckled, wiping away the tear that slipped down your cheek. "I think you're stealing my lines! Can't have you using my best material."

"How do you propose to stop me?"

"That one's easy." He looked at you mischievously before he slipped his hands behind your thighs and pulled you right up against his chest.

You barely had time to gasp before his lips were back on yours. Hungrier than before, craving the intimacy he had finally had the permission to have. As your tongues danced together, you could feel his arousal pressed against yours. The thin material of your leggings and his shorts didn't leave much to the imagination. Reflexively you pushed your hips forwards against his, eliciting the most carnal moan you'd heard.

His hands had been stroking your back over the baggy shirt but they were seeking the feel of your flesh. Bucky tugged at the hem of your shirt, lifting it over your torso. You raised your arms, breaking the kiss briefly to allow him to pull the shirt over your head, knocking your glasses askew in the process.

"Sorry," he straightened them before pulling you back into the kiss.

Your hands explored each other's bodies, getting to know each other in a new way. Bucky flicked off the clasps of your bra with so much ease that you wondered if you had even fastened it correctly that morning. He took care to be gentle as he slipped off the straps, over your shoulders, around your elbows and off your wrists. He tossed the undergarment over the back of the couch.

"Don't think we'll need that anymore."

You laughed and your unclad breasts danced as your chest moved. Bucky's eyes were transfixed. The undivided attention was making you feel self conscious and you crossed your arms in an attempt to feel less exposed.

"You don't have to hide from me, Ace." He tucked away the hair which covered your face, making sure he could see your eyes. 

Slowly you lower your arms, letting him take his fill of you, just as he had let you see his.

"May I?" He requested permission to touch you. 

"Please."

His eagerness was seductive. As was the way he pinched and rubbed your hardened nipples. Your underwear was already soaked and it was sure to extend through your leggings if he kept this up. 

"Hey, Ace?"

"Hmmm, Buck?"

"I think the ladies might be feeling a bit left out. You think I can give them a bit more attention?"

"What kind of attention?"

He licked his lips in the most seductive manner.

"By all means,” you swallowed hard. “I'm sure they would be thrilled."

It only felt like seconds before his mouth was latched on your nipple, nibbling, sucking until you were writhing in his lap. Letting go only when he was afraid he might accidentally fall from the edge as you bucked against his hips.

"Bucky, please." 

"Please, what?”

“Don’t be like that.”

Bucky laughed in a low and lascivious way. This time when he kissed you, there was no holding back. He swept his hands under your thighs, hooking them in and pulling you as close as he could. You held his face, pushing your hands through his hair and cupping the nape of his neck.

Without warning you felt Bucky lean forwards, still holding you tightly to him, his erection pushing hard against you. He rocked up onto his knees and lowered you down onto the bed. Only when you're flat on your back that he loosened his grip on your legs and immediately slipped his fingers into the hem of your leggings, trying to tug them down. You could see his mental struggle between gaining access to your core and having to take the pressure off his own. At this point, desperation had you fumbling with his shorts and neither of you seemed to be getting anywhere. 

"Buck, just… stop for… a second," you panted between his open mouthed kisses.

Bucky froze in surprise.

"Just take them off… quickly!" your voice was pressured.

Bucky snorted at your urgency, feeling slightly relieved that you didn't want to stop completely. He pushed down his shorts and boxers while you did the same with your clothing. As you tossed aside the offending items your eyes went back to him, lingering on the sizable swelling he was sporting. His eyes met yours in apprehension.

"Well? What are we waiting for?" you demanded.

He couldn't stop smiling as he put his mouth back on yours. His body weight pressed down on you, his erection rubbed against your lips. Without you realizing Bucky slipped his hand down and you gasped when cold metal pressed down on your clit. 

He gave you a few gentle strokes before plunging his fingers between your folds, collecting the slickness that had accumulated between your legs. You held your breath as you watched him smear it across his throbbing length, mixing it with the precum that was already flowing from his tip. His right hand remained firmly pressed against yours, his thick fingers interlaced between your dainty digits.

Bucky gave himself a few rough strokes before looking for your entrance. He pushed your legs apart with his knees and lined himself up. Bucky looked at you for permission before slipping between your folds, teasing you with his tip.

“Fuck Bucky, just get in me!”

He grinned and it made you feel delirious. You felt dizzy as he stretched you inch by inch, every movement elicited an exquisite wave of pleasure as he filled you completely. Bucky leaned forwards, letting go of your hand and supporting himself with his elbows just above your shoulders. He lay still for a moment while he waited for you to adjust. Your eyes met and he rubbed his nose against yours.

"You good?" he breathed.

"Great!"

He didn't need further encouragement, he pulled out slowly and thrusted back into you with a bit more speed and force than before. You moaned, yearning for more. Your hands found the small of his back, fingers digging into his skin desperately trying to bring him closer.

Bucky pushed his knees out, spreading your legs further and you hooked your knees over his thighs, using them as an anchor to thrust back. Your hands found purchase on his ass, as you tried to get him to move faster. The only thing that interrupted the sounds of his skin slapping against yours was the insatiable moans from your mouths.

The bucking of his hips had gotten more and more erratic and you knew he was close. You had a fleeting thought that he may finish before you, but Bucky seemed to know just what to do. He twisted his hips and you cried out ecstatically as he found that special place that would have you unraveling in mere moments. 

"Buck," you muttered his name breathlessly between moans. "Faster, I'm-"

He can only growl in response, holding you closer, tighter, fucking you harder and harder until you saw stars. Your orgasm coursed through your body, it spread through you like lightning, permeating every fiber of your being.

Your walls fluttered around him pushing him to the brink of ecstasy. His thrusts became more and more erratic as you tightened around him. 

"Bucky!" you gasped.

The sound of his name from your lips in euphoria was what made him pulse inside you. Arching his back, Bucky spilled his hot milky load into you. He panted heavily, mouth still on yours as he recovered his composure.

He rolled over to his side, pulling on your leg so you rolled with him, remaining inside you. Your head rested on his arm and he ran his vibranium fingers through your hair. You caressed his chin lovingly. Everything in that moment felt perfect.

​​

[shion-yu]

Not Your Fault (part 3)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Shu comes down with Alex's cold from last week, but it seems like it’s hitting him way harder. Final part, thank you for reading! Fill for my @badthingshappenbingo space "Secret Caretaking." Original work, 2,361 words. No TWs, CW mild emeto, Alex is 13 here.

The thing about Shu was that if someone near him was sick, he always went down eventually. This had been true forever and Shu was bound to catch every cold and flu that made the rounds at the office he worked in. Usually he could push through it to the chagrin of his coworkers who had the joy of listening to him cough and sneeze for the next several days, but when he woke up this morning Shu knew right away that there was no way he was leaving the house today. Thank God it was a Saturday. 

It had been a few days since Alex had come down with a bad head cold. He'd been truly sick for about two days, but as soon as he started feeling better he went back to his old self, attempting to sneak off to Ryo's as soon as he could. Shu liked Ryo a lot and was extremely glad that Alex had a friend, but he had tried to convince Alex to stay in bed for another day. "You still have a bit of a fever bud," Shu had sighed. "What if you get Ryo and his parents sick too?" Alex's face had soured, but apparently pointing out that he could hurt his friend Ryo worked because he had stayed home until the fever was gone. He waited for the twenty-four hour fever free mark and then escaped immediately. Shu was just glad he was feeling better. 

Knowing how his own body worked, Shu had been trying to get plenty of sleep and chugging Emergen-C for the past several days. He was actually hopeful that it had worked and he’d somehow been spared despite living in the same household as a germ-ridden teenager all week.

Now though, Shu knew whatever Alex had come down with had hit him, and it was hitting him hard. Shu groaned and turned over to look at the time on his phone. It was ten AM on a Saturday morning; he never slept in this late. Crap, where was Alex?

Shu forced himself to sit on the edge of the bed. It felt like his bones were creaking in pain and his headache was splitting. He stood up, was hit with a rush of dizziness, and sat right back down. He felt his legs quivering like he'd just attempted to do some monumental task. Had Alex felt this poorly? When he'd wrangled the teen to the doctor he'd just been diagnosed with a viral upper respiratory infection, nothing too serious, but Shu felt like death. If it wasn't for Alex he would have given up attempting to rise from bed at all, but he told himself this was part of being a parent. He'd signed up for this, and parents didn't get sick days off. 

Shu wobbled into the kitchen, leaning heavily on the walls as he went. To his relief he found Alex right away in the living room, sitting on the couch watching Saturday morning cartoons. He glanced briefly at Shu then did a double take, his eyes widening. "Holy shit, you look terrible," he said. 

Shu snorted with laughter which turned into a chesty cough. He had to sit down. He flopped heavily next to Alex, black spots dancing in his vision. "Thanks a lot, kid. Did you eat breakfast?" He asked, wincing at the pain in his throat.

"Yeah," Alex said. "I think you should probably not be worrying about me right now though." 

"It's only a cold, you know that," Shu said dismissively. "I'm just a wimp." He managed to give Alex what he hoped was an encouraging smile but was interrupted by a loud sneeze which he barely managed to direct away from his distant relative turned foster child. "Huh'AEESHUHh!" He groaned, the powerful sneeze ripping painfully through his aching sinuses. 

"Uh huh. Bless you," Alex said, scooting a few inches farther away from him in disgust.

"Thangks," Shu said, snorting up the snot that had begun to drip from his nose. God his head hurt like hell. "You good here if I go back to bed?" He genuinely couldn't fathom doing anything else right now. Was he just getting old that this was hitting him so much harder than it had Alex? Was this what having a cold at thirty-five felt like? 

"Yeah. Pretty sure I'm safer away from you and your biohazard zone," Alex said dryly. 

Shu didn't point out that Alex was almost certainly the one who'd given him this awful cold. He just nodded and shuffled back to bed, making a pit stop at the bathroom to urinate and grab the thermometer. It had barely gotten a break between uses, he thought as he placed it under his tongue. He looked at his haggard expression in the mirror and grimaced. Should he call his mom to watch Alex, he thought? He didn't think he could keep up with the rambunctious teen like this. He decided against it for now though, not wanting her to think he couldn't handle single parenting just like she had. Alex was thirteen, he didn’t need a babysitter, but he did need to be watched closely to make sure he didn’t do anything problematic.

The thermometer beeped and Shu looked at the flashing 101.8 on the tiny screen. Not good, he thought to himself. He downed two Tylenol and then brought the rest of the bottle with him to the bedroom. He collapsed back into bed and fell asleep before he had time to think about anything else. He spent the rest of the day coughing and sneezing and using an entire box of tissues. His sneezes were most certainly audible in every room in the house. Every cold Shu had seemed to go straight to his chest and this felt like no exception. He could practically feel the junk settling lower and lower in his lungs despite the absurd amount he was already coughing up.

Around lunch time, Shu wobbled to the kitchen to grab more water. Alex was at the table doing school work, which was a nice sight. “Hey bud, you doing okay in here?” Shu asked, wincing at how hoarse his voice had become in comparison to this morning in a mere few hours. 

“I’m definitely okay,” Alex said cautiously. “You look almost dead though.”

“I’m really okay,” Shu reassured him, which was absolutely not backed up by the way he suddenly grabbed the edge of the counter to avoid losing his balance. Alex stood up quickly, face alarmed. Shu waved his hand in his direction, trying to make it seem like he hadn’t nearly fainted. “It’s great you’re doing school work,” he said in an attempt to distract Alex. Predictably, this caused Alex to scowl and go back to what he was doing. However Shu could feel Alex’s concerned expression on his back as he slowly inched back to his bedroom.

He tried to rest, but the cough was really painful and Shu could feel his fever going up despite the Tylenol. He kept thinking about Alex. Could he really trust the kid to take care of himself all day? What if he skipped eating? Not that he usually did that, mealtime was the one thing Shu could actually rely on Alex to show up for but still. Alex was his sole responsibility and Shu wanted him to have more than just enough. He wanted him to feel comfortable and happy. He wanted to take care of Alex so all those bad memories he had became more distant. It seemed like such a monumental task at times though, and right now Shu was in completely new territory. How did he keep an eye on Alex when he could barely lift his head off the pillow?

He made it to dinnertime without incident. Shu hazily warmed up soup for himself. Alex was nowhere to be found. There was a note on the table: ‘At Ryo’s for dinner.’ At least Alex had bothered to let him know where he was and it was somewhere safe. Shu shivered and managed about three bites of the soup before his stomach rejected all of it and more. He dashed to the bathroom with energy he hadn’t known he had and spent the next half hour vomiting into the toilet. He was glad that Alex wasn’t home to hear it. Afterwards his temperature was 102.6. Ouch. Alex’s own fever had peeked at 102.3 that first night he was sick. Shu hoped his own illness was following that same trajectory and it wouldn’t get any higher. 

He forced down a single saltine cracker and two more Tylenol in the hope that it would stay in his stomach, then went back to bed. His stomach and head ached, his chest felt heavy, and Shu was beginning to grow concerned. He hadn’t been this sick in a while and he hadn’t had a kid to worry about that time. He needed to hurry up and get better. He needed to sleep.

He woke up an unknown amount of time later to the feeling of a cool hand on his cheek. It felt nice... Shu forced his eyes open and squinted at the form above him. Alex? Shu was confused. Why was Alex in here? 

"You were moaning in your sleep," Alex explained, noticing Shu's eyes were open now. He looked embarrassed to be caught. He also looked worried. "You feel really hot." 

"Just a fever. I took some Tylenol," Shu said hoarsely, although he had no idea how long ago that was now. “What time is it?”

“Two AM,” Alex said.

“Oh,” Shu said, confused. “Did I wake you up?”

"It’s alright," Alex said, and scurried out before Shu could ask any more questions. Shu didn't expect him to come back and he didn't for several minutes. By this time Shu had almost fallen back to sleep and was barely conscious when he saw Alex slink back into the room with a wet washcloth. He closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep to save Alex from getting more embarrassed. He felt the cool, damp cloth be placed on his forehead and then heard Alex leave again. Shu fell asleep with his lips turned in a smile.

The next time he became half conscious it was only because he was so goddamn cold. He was shaking uncontrollably with aches and chills. He curled into a ball and tried to wait out the pain, but he felt awfully alone right now. He missed his mom. She was always so good to him when was sick, brewing tea and rubbing his arms and legs and giving him the hot water bottle to ease his chills... Just like... Right now?

Shu opened his eyes. Somehow the hot water bottle had appeared in his arms, as well as an extra blanket on top of him. He listened carefully, but there was no quiet chatter of Chinese radio in the background that always accompanied his mom wherever she went. He did hear the sound of water running in the bathroom though, and then Alex's voice saying something like, "He'll be fine, Ry, right?" Shu wanted to reassure Alex he was definitely going to be fine, but he felt too weak and sleepy and soon lost consciousness again.

The quiet chatter of Chinese radio when he came back to his senses was a sure sign his mom was there now. "Ma?" Shu croaked, forcing his eyes open.

He could smell his mom's distinct perfume as she came to his bedside and rubbed his chest. "Háizi. Boy call me, say that you sick."

Shu slowly processed what that meant. Alex had called his mom, Fulu. "Where is he?" Shu asked.

"Friend house," his mom said. "He upset, think you dying."

"Ugh," Shu said, concerned at the thought of upsetting Alex. "Ma, didn't you tell him I'm fine? I always get high fevers..."

"He no listen. Just like his bàba," Fulu said. She handed Shu her phone, silently instructing him to do exactly what Shu already wanted to - to call Alex. He didn't think it was worth correcting his mom right at this second - that he wasn't Alex's dad. Alex was his kid, and so it almost fit. He wanted it to.

Shu's hands shook as he found Alex in Fulu's contacts and called him, pressing the phone to his ear. Alex picked up right away. "Is he okay?" Was how Alex answered.

Shu coughed in surprise. Alex sounded genuinely worried. It would have been touching if Shu didn't feel so guilty about it. "Alex? I'm fine bud. I just have a fever, that's all. Same as you did, just a little worse. I promise." 

There was silence on the line for several seconds. Shu was worried he'd hung up. But finally Alex said, "You weren't getting any better, even though I did the same stuff you did." 

Shu felt a rush of affection. Alex really had been trying to take care of him, even though it was supposed to be the other way around. "It'll be a few days, and then I'll be right as rain," Shu reassured him as confidently as possible. "Do you want to stay at Ryo's this weekend?"

"Can I?" Alex asked hesitantly.

"Of course, if it's okay with his parents. Whatever makes you feel more comfortable. I just need you to understand that you don't need to worry about me. Thanks for calling my mom. I'm glad you got help when you were scared."

"I wasn't scared," Alex shot back, but Shu knew he was lying. "Can you call me again when you feel better?”

"I feel better hearing your voice," Shu said with a smile.

"Ew."

"Sorry," Shu laughed, which quickly became several wet coughs. "I'll text you every time I'm up, alright?"

"Alright," Alex agreed. "Um... I hope you feel better soon."

Maybe it was because he felt so rotten, or because he was relieved that Alex was okay, but Shu felt tears spring to his eyes. He swallowed and tried not to let his voice waver as he said, "Thanks buddy. I will. See you soon."

[feuqueerfire]

4 Minutes Ep 5 - 6 Live Blogging

Ep 5 (Aug 23)

Coincidentally this started airing on iQiyi the same week I'm on my VIP trial. Downloading it to watch on my phone during lunch (while outside lol not in the office) but I can only get the regular version, not sultrier.

im watching this on my lunch break outside where it is very sunny + on my phone so im ngl that entire first part was just pretty much a dark screen for me.

i still cannot quite comprehend the Great and Tyme relationship.

i also don’t get how Tyme’s parents ended up killed but ok

ah, so Nan was not the female doctor. She was in this and decided to team up with Tyme

Watching Sultrier version: okay Nan's friend Mon did die at the gambling place! I was wondering if we weren't gonna see something happening to Mon that was gonna turn Nan against the gambling place even more.

20 minutes in, gonna watch rest while on the subway home bc the lighting will be fine at least.

Spoilers from twitter: Great is dying, Tyme is possibly dying (smth about them dying after e/o? idk), a screenshot where the user was saying Tonkla killed Title, everything was fake from great’s mind?

Sultrier version: the parents trying to figure out what to do about Great helping Nan get away

ah, he took the money because the company owner greats father was there as was Tyme's grandma

rewatched pre-credit scene and ohh it’s how tonkla got Title in a vulnerable position to probably kill him

Nan went ahead on live and is trying to expose the illegal gambling business

as expected, it seems like the woman who tried to kill herself’s son likely was involved in that gambling pool

lol Fah knew about Korn seeing Tonkla and now wants to put an end to it so that they can get married

what’s even going on with the woman giving away her entire life savings to that guy and premonitions of death

wait, misstress son… so Great is related to the dad but out of wedlock and while he had a different wife?

Also, the treatment of Korn and Great is so different. Korn got slapped by the dad like 2 sentences in, right after he spoke harshly to Great's mom about Great. Great on the other hand is allowed to be rude and confrontational.

oh, the woman sent the killer after Great's mom/the company leaders

why did the 4 minutes thing just happen immediately? Like shouldn’t the guy have shot the gun 4 minutes later?

ah, she died anyway

We're at 11:03 this episode, the time is back after not really appearing in ep 4. On the other hand, barely any Tonkla, just that cold open. More and more curious when and how Tonkla and Great's stories will converge (in bigger ways than just Title and Dome)

The watching experience of this episode left a lot to be desired since I was fr just watching on my screen, barely able to make anything out in the darker scenes because of the sun. Maybe I should rewatch but don't really feel like it.

3 more weeks before it all (hopefully) makes sense, oh man.

Ep 6 (Aug 28)

Using data during my walk outside on lunch break but I barely have any data left so probably won’t be able to watch much hmmm

So what’s the timeline, Win found out about Tonkla being a suspect, slept with him again (after finding out he was cheating), then came to catch him? Or is this in a different timeline? Or is the order of events incorrect? But also lowkey why does it feel like Win kinda gave Tonkla a heads up or something to get him outta there.

Oh, we’re starting from the very beginning but presumably seeing the original timeline events

Ah, Tyme’s elusive ex girlfriend

The shots of Great at the end of the table is so beautiful

god Great is such a dick

no like in DFF Great would have been part of the shitty friend group that bullied Non and got him killed, except it’s even worse because Great killed some woman with his car and helped Title hide a body (and he watched as Title first killed the guy)

ah, Great and Tyme’s original meeting

bro I really can’t see shit in the dark scenes

okay back at home

oh I remember some people saying they probably had a one night stand the first timeline and stuff instead of pursuing a relationship

Tyme bugging Great's room?

oh we are Seeing the lube, that's crazy

oh that's crazy, the camera captured them fucking?

girl what, Tyme is gonna post revenge porn of Great?

he really did post it woah. TymeGreat are truly horrible4horrible

Great's dad is saying that Tyme's parents were the ones who originally started this gambling business (+ that he didn't kill them hmm)

Great's conversation at the dinner with Tyme after the clip... he's crazy fr

The way Great said "Wanna hook up?" is so funny, I actually lol-ed aloud. and what a character he is, asking this after knowing the Tyme initially had sex with him to post that clip bc he's beefing with his dad

Oh, in this timeline, is Korn crueller?

In the original timeline, Great pulls down Tyme's mask after he attacks Korn, rather than Tyme pulling it down himself

Aw man, Nan just died in this timeline and Tyme's has to come to terms with that. I get that Tyme's gonna be grieving and such and he does have a point about Great being able to do something because they wouldn't have shot him but... Tyme knew this was a possibility from the start, right?

Great's mother must die in this version too, right? Or wait actually I guess not because the lady who sent the assassin was actually killed by Great. saved his own mother's life in a round about, killer sort of way actually

Ohh, Tonkla shot Great in the original timeline, the reason he's in the hospital.

Okayyyy interesting episode to get the original ep 1 - 5 events! I wonder what this means for the last two episodes. I think if we were going for a "and nothing was changed, Great dies, Tyme dies" after the changed timeline storyline, then we wouldn't have gotten this episode today. Feels like the next 2 episodes are gonna try to tie original and redo timeline together somehow?

I'm curious and excited, this might've been one of my favourite episodes.

The Great and Tyme dynamic feels so much more grounded and realistic this time around, the way Great wants to hook up while Tyme's like wtf... ?? The rosy original timeline was clearly not quite right. But it again brings into question what even is going on with their romance in the redo timeline because they're not in love here + Tyme kinda hates Great right now, so what's up with such a cutesy romance in their redo thing? I can see it from Great's end but Tyme?

Also Great truly is suchhh a piece of shit. Not even in a bad way. well like bad way obviously because he's a bad person but as a viewer, it's extremely entertaining and compelling.

I think I should rewatch this show on my laptop because there are definitely moments esp last week where I was watching on my phone while outside and it was just too dark to truly see stuff. And maybe I'll notice stuff on a rewatch. Dunno if I should do it this weekend or wait until the week of ep 8 and rewatch in preparation for the finale.

[m4rsd1ed]

He Saved Me || Part 10: Before Prom

Norman's POV

I begged Alice to help me with my poster and she said posters are so lame even tho she LITERALLY  did one to ask her girlfriend out. She said I should do a PowerPoint to ask him but not one for a school project but a funny and nice one you use to ask a straight dude out to.prom. With Alice knowing how to code this should be awesome! But..... I left my computer at Catherine's place... shit. That reminds me I'm finally a week clean. I feel a serene type feeling.  Morgan has helped me a lot, I'm really happy with him I hope he says yes when I ask him out. I really do but because of the homophobic fucking principal it's gonna be hard. Really hard. 

----------✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.☆.*｡･ﾟ✫*.  𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐤𝐢𝐩, 𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐬, After school ----------✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.☆.*｡･ﾟ✫*.

Morgan asked to walk home together again but I just went straight to target because I needed vodka to think this over. I took vodka then grabbed a pair of sunglasses off a shelf then I walked near the checkout and make a run for it; I know I'm doing something wrong but honestly screw it. The cashiers don't even try because let's be fucking honest this is probably their 7th fucking no big deal ass steal today or they might not have seen me because I walked out so casually out of there. I went CVS and got some pills and because of all my years faking signatures because my mom was too drunk or high to care about stuff I signed everything for her so I know how to make fake doctors notes very well. I go for an ibuprofen 800MG tablets. I sit down and write the fake note and I go to the doctors and ask for the ibuprofen and surprise surprise it works and I get my pills then I go to my car and chug my vodka with 2 ibuprofen pills and almost instantly shit hits. I call Morgan and I just start saying "hey hey hey hi" "hi?" He responds in a questioning tone. "I like really love you and I fucking like drugs and vodka and guess what bitch?" He chuckled a bit but in a forced and worried way and says "what Norman what on the possible earth do you need to tell me?" "I was born like a million years ago I'm a fucking mummy and Morgan, I want to die I just really want to die and I want to drive and swerve into on-coming traffic.." I can hear his sheets rustling as he's rushing to get up from chilling on his bed and he says "NORMAN DO NOT TOUCH THAT FUCKING WHEEL AND I HAVE YOUR FUCKING SNAP MAP OPEN AND I'M ON MY WAY". I can barely remember anything after that all I can remember is brief flashes of me waking up next to Morgan and him holding me tight while we both slept. I woke up the next morning. Hungover as shit and Morgan said we should just skip today because I feel like shit so..... we did.

Word count: 521

[cheekblush]

survived the first week of school 😴

[harryhoney-bee]

Soft sex after show pleaseeeeeeeee.

Lover

Summary: Soft sex with boyfriendrry after the show, plus some domestic love <3

Warnings: unprotected sex, fingering, oral (f), and of course, aftercare while showering together.

Word count: 3.3k

A/n: I'm trying to change some aspects of my writing, so please ignore if something is cringe, I'm still learning 😭

..

Harry had just left the show and the tour bus was getting ready to leave and go to Pittsburgh. The driver, a kind elder called Anthony, was in his private cabin, just waiting for the singer. When he arrived he greeted Anthony and went in the direction of his bedroom, just one person on his mind.

He opened the bedroom door to the pitch-black room and saw Y/n lying peacefully in the bed with her lilac blanket tight around her body, her eyes were closed, and her breathing even. The view in front of him brought warmth to Harry’s chest (considering he was the one who was up with her all night after Y/n had a nightmare and couldn’t go back to sleep).

His poor darling didn’t have a good relationship with sleep. Every night she would take at least one hour to fall asleep, that being one of the reasons she couldn't watch his concerts most of the time. She was just too tired from staying up during the night and would end up enjoying the end of the afternoon to take naps, which would result in Harry leaving for the show and coming to find his lover dreaming.

The singer cursed himself when he felt his body betraying him in such a soft moment, his cock was semi-hard inside his trousers and he knew this wasn’t the time. He was tired from the show and his girlfriend was probably at the point of becoming a zombie because of her insomnia.

Harry wasn’t going to be selfish and wake her up just because his dick didn’t know how to control itself, he should probably go change and take care of it in the bathroom before going to sleep, that was the best option at the moment. It was just very funny to him how horny he would get after every show, he always blamed the adrenaline, but maybe knowing Y/n was at the tour bus waiting for him was also a big factor.

His train of thought wasn’t helping with his situation down there, which made him roll his eyes. He took off his pink shirt, placing it nicely on the hanger while being careful not to wake Y/n up with the noise, he headed to the bed, placing a hand on the mattress for support while taking his pants off, but when he was in the middle of taking his right leg out of the trousers’ confinement he lost his balance, tripping on his own clothes.

“Fuck, this fucking tro–” his cursing was interrupted by Y/n, who turned the lampshade placed on the bedside table on. The girl wore a confused expression on her place, eyes barely opening from the sleepiness.

“H? Is that you? Everything alright?” She asked in a raspy voice, sitting on the bed and watching the comic scene in front of her: Harry standing in an awkward position trying not to fall on the ground while pouting grumpily.

He sat on the bed, finally taking his pants and wearing only his black boxers. He placed his clothes in the closet so he could give them to Lambert first thing in the morning. He made his way back to where Y/n was, kissing her forehead gently.

“So sorry I woke you up, love, my legs are just way too big,” he said playfully, stroking her cheek and looking at her sleepy face, guilty immediately running through his body.”I’m sorry, I know how bad your insomnia is lately. Want me to go make some tea for you? Or think you can go back to sleep now, huh?”

The girl bent over, hugging Harry’s naked chest and placing her head on his shoulder. “Don’t worry, I’ve been sleeping since you went to the arena for the soundtrack, so I got 6 hours of sleep, that’s the longest I've slept in weeks!”

“I think you should see a doctor, maybe they can give you some type of medicine. You can’t keep on doing that, love, one day you’ll end up fainting out of tiredness.” He had been telling her to seek treatment for months now, but she always denied it, as the stubborn person she is.

“I’m just stressed with work, H,” she mumbled. “I thought working on my laptop would be easier, but it’s worse than being at the office,” she said, cradling him so her thighs were around his hips.

He began petting her head. “I’ve already told you that if it’s becoming too much you should quit, ya’ don’t deserve to go through all of that, it’s not healthy. Plus, I could support you as long as you need, actually, I would love to do that.”

She stared at him with a bored expression. “You seriously need to stop offering that, I don’t want to become a trophy girlfriend or anything like that.”

“Well, and I don’t want to see my girlfriend losing sleep because her boss treats her as a robot,” he told her in the same tone, kissing her cheek. “And you’ll never be a trophy girlfriend, if anything I’m your trophy boyfriend.”

Y/n laughed, pecking his mouth. “You’re such a dorky.”

“If by being a dork I can make you laugh like that then yeah, I’m a dork. Just for you, though,” he ran his tongue on her lower lip before kissing her, it started as an innocent kiss, but it quickly turned into a deep make-out session.

Y/n’s hips began rolling against Harry’s lower body, she could feel his hard cock over her sweatpants and she squeezed his biceps. He grabbed her waist, dictating the pace. “Missed you so much, H.”

She didn’t miss him only because he was at the concert, she missed being intimate with him. With her and Harry’s work, it was hard to find some time to themself. Lately, the only thing they could do was a quick shag in the morning or sloppy orals before bed.

He parted their lips. “Missed you too, have no idea how much I crave you, sweetheart,” he nipped her neck, sucking the skin while pressing his cock to her clothed center. “Do you want it? If you want to sleep we always have tomorrow,” he said in a gentle tone.

“No, want you now, please?” she asked, sneaking a hand in between their bodies, tugging at his boxers until she freed his cock, gripping it until his red tip was showing, already oozing with pre-cum. She carefully rubbed in with her thumb, as Harry moaned in her ear.

“Gonna give you anything you want, my darling,” he answered, feeling her hand releasing the pressure he was feeling moments ago. “Go lay down for me, yeah? I’ll make you feel good.”

“Okay,” she whispered, laying her head on the pillow as Harry pulled her sweatpants and underwear in one go. He was met by her cunt, the part of her body he had been dreaming with during the whole day.

Harry carefully laid on top of her, head resting on her belly as he began kissing it, holding her waist down so she wouldn’t move. When he got to her hip bone he placed a hand under her body, bringing it to his mouth. He explores her pussy with his lips, lapping from her labia to her clit.

“Taste so good, darling, how could I go one day without tasting you?” he attached his mouth to her button, sucking it gently, wanting her to enjoy the moment, wanting to give her all the pleasure he could.

Her hand tugged his curls nicely, feeling his tongue flicking around, his hand had lifted her hips as if she was his own feast, his fingers were singing himself into her soft skin, her thigh was wrapped around his body, keeping him in place.

He took his hand off her body, bringing them to her cunt, swiftly entering her with his two long fingers, taking them in and out patiently, hitting her g spot with every movement.

“H, don’t tease, please,” Y/n whined.

“Not teasing, my love, just getting you ready, alright?” Harry fingered her softly while kissing her thighs and belly, giving special attention to the stretch marks he loved so dearly.

When her legs were becoming shaky and the tug in his hair harder, he decided it was time to stop, with a kiss on her clit he left the place in between her thighs, cleaning his mouth from her wetness with the back of his hand. Harry looked at her body on the bed, her t-shirt still adorning her, Y/n’s mouth was slightly open, trying to catch her breath.

He laid on top of Y/n, kissing her mouth slowly, making her taste her own desire. With his help she took off her shirt, standing naked in front of him. The man didn’t waste any time, kissing her collarbone all the way to her tits, he took her nipple in his mouth, running his tongue through the nub while massaging the other nipple with the tip of his finger.

Y/n brought her hand to his underwear, taking his cock in her hand and masturbating him, feeling his moans as he sucked on her tit. He grabbed her rib cage, thrusting into her hand trying to feel as much pleasure as he could while also trying to love on her.

Her back was arched as her hand worked on his cock, his thick veins could be felt on the palm of her hand, his girth fitting her fist perfectly. She went south, catching his ball in her hands, applying the right amount of pressure she knew he liked.

"Baby, fuck." He murmured, taking his mouth off her tit and laying on her chest, hearing her hectic heartbeat. "Ya' know me so well.”

His lips brushed against her sternum as he relaxed on top of her. He wasn't aware how much he needed this, how much he needed Y/n. He needed her hands, her lips, her smell, her taste, he was addicted to her, and by the way she was wet, he knew the feeling was mutual.

When he felt at the edge of cumming he held her arm, impeding her from moving it. "Gonna cum in your hand if you keep that up, and we don't want that, do we?" He said in a playful tone, giving a kiss on her nose as he sat on the bed, fully taking his boxers off. His cock stood tall on his naval, an embarrassing amount of sticky liquid on its head.

"How do you want it, darling?" He asked, stroking your face and smiling sweetly, making a big contrast with what he was asking. "I wanna do it very slowly, what do you think?" He laid behind her, placing a firm hand on her stomach, his cock rubbing against her back.

"Yeah, slow and soft," she agreed, feeling light-headed when his lips caressed her shoulders and neck. "Can I have your thumb, please?" Y/m shyly asked, bringing her hand in front of her mouth while looking back at Harry, waiting for his response.

"Course you can, my sweet girl, open up for me," her mouth parted and Harry placed his thumb on her warm tongue, the girl wrapped her lips around his finger and began sucking it. Whenever she was just agitated while having sex she enjoyed having his thumb, it helped her focus on her breathing and made Y/n feel closer to him.

Harry kissed her head before putting his right leg over Y/n, spooning her from behind as he took his cock, putting it right in front of her hole. He teased himself a bit, rubbing it against her cunt and making her even more aroused. Y/n, on the other hand, was becoming impatient, biting on his thumb to signal that she wanted him now.

"So eager," Harry mumbled, sinking inch by inch inside her, he brushed his lip on her ear as his hips met her bum, filling her with himself. Y/n was whispering sweetly about how good she was feeling while twirling her tongue around his thumb, driving Harry crazy.

"My baby is so warm and tight." He took his cock from her cunt just to thrust it back again, savoring the moment. "So lucky to be the only one who got you like this, my darling.'

She held into his arms for support as Harry rolled his hips inside of her slowly, hearing her tender cries of more. With every slam of his hips, he buried himself deeper and deeper on her body, not wanting to move anymore, but stay right where he was forevermore.

That’s what life was about, not sex, but closeness, vulnerability. Life is about laying on your lover’s arms, having the privilege of showing affection to them just for their existence, of kissing their throat as they try to breathe, hearing your name coming out of their mouth like a sweet prayer.

Harry wasn’t truly religious, but he knew Y/n’s body and soul weren’t earthly made.

He kissed her nape, the top of her back, her neck, every part of her until his lips could be burning with her name. His movements were a bit faster now, feeling the well-known feeling of orgasm close by. He wasn’t surprised he wouldn't last long, he had been hard for hours now.

With his left hand, he squeezed her tit, making the girl moan, her walls closing more and more around his cock. “Baby, I’m almost there,” she whimpered, bringing her fingers to her clit, massaging it quickly, “Want you to fill me please.”

“Want me to keep you full? Is that it? Want to be dripping with me?” The loud noises from their body clapping together could definitely be heard from the outside of the room, but they couldn't care less as both chased their climax.

Y/n sank her nails into the man’s muscle as the warm feeling of pleasure took over her body, starting on her chest and spreading around her thighs, which began shaking with blissful waves. She continued masturbating her needy clit gently as Harry praised her, working to get his own fulfillment.

“My sweet girl, got you cumming like that just for me.” He was so close, his balls were tightening, ready to pour his love inside her. “Love you so much.”

“Harry, I love you, so fucking much,” she said, turning her head until she met his mouth for what felt like the tenth time that night, he sucked on her tongue as he finally let go, wetting her walls with his cum.

“Fuck,” Harry said, holding her close to him while slamming their hips together, trying to milk himself dry. He bit her lower lip as he felt the last rope leaving the tip of his cock. He knew he had ejaculated a lot because some of the liquid was running down the length of his dick, making a mess on the bed.

Harry thrust sloppily two more times before stopping due to his and Y/n’s sensitiveness. “Damn, how are you? Feeling good?” he asked, rubbing his nose on her cheek affectionately.

“Very tired, guess my medicine is sex,” she said, making Harry laugh.

“I wouldn’t be against sex every night, but just to make sure you sleep well, of course, no other reason.” He cuddled to her body, wanting to be as close as possible. “Let’s go get a shower, alright? C’mon, I’ll help you.”

When he was about to pull up, Y/n whined, holding him. “No, I want to be with you,” she said with a pout. “We can shower in the morning, H.”

He kissed her forehead. “Don’t be silly, love, what if you have a UTI? No way, let’s get going.”

The girl protested, but Harry just rolled his eyes amusingly. He gently held her hips, pulling his soft cock out, his cum swiftly dripping out of her. He took some baby wipes from the bedside table, spreading her legs carefully, but stopping when he noticed the expression on her face.

“Hey, what’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” he asked, holding Y/n’s chin so she could look at him.

“Just too sensitive, It’s been a while since he had sex,” she answer, hugging.

“Oh darling, I’m sorry, yeah? Do you still want me to clean you up? Or do you wanna do it?” He stroked her face, feeling bad for causing her discomfort.

“You do it, please,” Y/n said shyly, opening her legs for him and looking in the opposite direction of the room, suddenly feeling extremely vulnerable.

“Ok, darling,” he whispered, taking another baby wipe and taking all the sticky fluid from her inner thighs, more carefully this time. “All done,” Harry said while throwing the used wipes on the small garbage placed on the side of the bed.

He held her hips, helping her out of the bed and leading her to the bathroom because her legs were unsteady. Harry turned on the hot water and let the girl go under the water first, taking a loofah and rubbing every inch of her body.

“Want to wash your hair, darling?” Harry asked, watching the girl fighting sleep while drops of water ran down her back.

“No, thank you, way too much work,” She took the loofah from his hand, letting him have a turn on the shower before cleaning him as well.

When the couple was done they spent some minutes in silence, hugging each other and enjoying their company, Harry’s hand was at the bottom of her spine, as her head was on his shoulder. “Feeling sleepy?” he asked.

“Very, maybe I’ll catch up on my sleep today.”

“Hopefully, baby,” Harry turned the shower off, taking her towel and wrapping it around her before doing the same with himself. “I still think you should make an appointment with a therapist, at least.”

“I’ll do whatever you want if it means that we can have morning sex tomorrow,” she teasingly said.

He pecked her lips. “You are way too cheeky today, did you know that?"

"I'm not cheeky, I just miss spending time with my boyfriend." She said as both of them got out of the bathroom, going in the direction of the wardrobe and changing into some clean pajamas.

Harry hugged her from behind. "Miss you so much, but tomorrow we can do whatever you want."

"'You need to stop spoiling me," she laughed.

"Do I?" He said, putting his index finger and thumb on his chin as if he was thinking about the subject. "Hmm, no, I don't think I need to stop. Not my fault you are the sweetest person I know."

"My lover boy, aren't you?" She said, turning to him and kissing his lips gently. "I love you forever."

"Love you forever too, my baby." Harry helped Y/n putting her shirt on as he decided to only sleep in his pants. "Let me just change the sheets and we'll go to bed, alright?"

"Ok, I can help you, just let me–"

"No, you stay here while I do it, it's my mess, isn't it?" Harry said with arched eyebrows. "I'm gonna be quick."

He really was, in less than 5 minutes the bed had new sheets and duvets, ready for the couple to jump in and sleep. Harry placed the used sheets on the other side of the room, saying he was going to go to find a laundry room next time they stop at some city.

Y/n and Harry laid on the bed, hugging each other as if it was their last day together. She hooked a leg over him, laying her head on his chest and she closed her eyes, the man swiftly mirrored her, falling into a deep sleep.

..

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[sleepysnk]

I'M LOWKEY IN THE MOOD FOR SOME FLUFF SO I DECIDED TO MAKE THESE HEADCANONS. i hope you guys enjoy! <3

Pregnancy Headcanons

Characters: Reiner, Porco, Colt, and Zeke

Warnings: Mentions of NSFW, pregnancy, birth

Reiner Braun:

- ohh boy, now let me just say this man has a breeding kink so you've definitely have had some pregnancy scares before. it was kind of common 😳.

- now when you started feeling sick one day, you instantly were concerned. Reiner noticed the change in your behavior as well. You seemed more tired, you barely slept, and worst of all you threw up a ton. it was a lot more than usual as well.

- Reiner didn't know what was wrong, he was scared to lose you.

- that's when it dawned on him that you two had sex weeks prior, without a condom. he was freaked out because he wasn't sure if you had forgotten. he decided to go to you about it and he explained that you should take a pregnancy test.

- you thought the idea of you being pregnant was ridiculous, but you gave in and took the test.

- when it came back positive, your whole world just stopped. you were pregnant with Reiner's baby.

- when you told him he was absolutely ecstatic. Reiner was excited to start this new chapter with you and assured you that everything was going to be okay, and he'd be by your side through everything. he was very helpful in getting what you needed.

- you found out you were about 6 weeks along at the doctor's office, and you two couldn't be happier.

- Reiner is very protective of you already. with you being pregnant, he is now 100x more protective than before. HE HAS HIS EYES ON YOU 24/7. whenever you go out, he goes with you. he was always around in case of an emergency.

- lowkey into pregnancy sex

- the symptoms were the worst, Reiner would wake up some nights to you going back and forth to the bathroom or throwing up at certain smells of foods. he was there for all of your mood swings and odd cravings 😭, he would always laugh whenever you would run to the bathroom having to pee.

- Reiner absolutely falls in love with your pregnant belly, there's just something he loves about your belly being so big. he always has his hands on your bump <3.

- both of you would argue over gender, Reiner wanted a girl and you wanted a boy. eventually you found out you were having a girl, and Reiner felt like a total bad bitch 😭.

- Reiner would have Bertholdt come check in on you often if he's at work, or he'll send you a text asking how you're feeling. he understands how some days you can have terrible morning sickness and that you need some love.

- he'll massage any part of your body that's sore.

- Karina was excited to be a grandma, she would often invite you over to ask how you were feeling. she was a huge help for you and Reiner during the whole process, she practically acted like you were her daughter.

- Reiner would so make a nursery by himself 🥺, he'd do it all within like two days and you'd be so impressed by it all. he wants everything to be ready before your little one comes home.

- when your water broke, Reiner was absolutely a total mess. Bertholdt and Annie had to calm him down, he was so scared.

- it was hard for Reiner to watch you cry in pain, he was a total mess at the doctor's office he had to walk out of the delivery room. eventually, he came back and watching you give birth was one of the most beautiful things he got to watch.

- HE WAS SO EMOTIONAL WHEN HE HELD HER 🥺🥺🥺. HOLY SHIT THIS MAN WAS A SOBBING MESS.

- god pls give this man a baby, he is such an amazing father.

Porco Galliard:

- Porco is always one to notice odd behavior or changes in your usual routine. he's very observant and blunt, so expect him to question you a ton whenever something seems out of the ordinary for you.

- when you started feeling sick, Porco found it odd. he hadn't seen you this sick in a really long time and it kind of concerned him being honest, he was scared that you were seriously ill. he would hold your hair back everytime you threw up your food. it really worried him.

- Porco overthinks A TON, he thought you were dying or something.

- that's when Porco decided to take you to the doctor. the last straw hit when you practically almost passed out when you were working out, he basically forced your ass into going to the doctor.

- you explained your symptoms to the doctor and after a few tests, you found out you were pregnant.

- hearing those words made Porco genuinely shocked, but he was so excited and happy. he told you he'd support whatever you wanted to do and after some talking, you both decided to keep it. he assured you he wasn't going anywhere and he was going to take care of you and your baby.

- Porco definitely goes overboard with it all 😭, mans would barely let anyone even breath next to you. he is so defensive over you and the baby, he's just protective like that. he sleeps with one eye open practically.

- dealing with the symptoms were a lot to handle at first. Porco wasn't sure what would trigger you to vomit or what would piss you off. you told him not to worry about anything and that you'd be okay, of course he's a stubborn little shit and just pouts but you find it to be adorable. he laughs when you have to pee 500 times a night.

- he loves the bump, he always pokes it for some reason and laughs.

- Porco wants a girl so bad. he literally tells you how much he wants a daughter and that's what he ended up getting. he found out you were having a girl and he was absolutely ecstatic, he was so ready to meet her.

- Marcel would probably come around if Porco was out working or he wasn't able to be at home. sometimes he'd send Pieck to check up on you if you weren't responding to him quick enough. this baby is so concerned over every little thing 😭.

- Porco would carry you around everywhere if your feet were sore. he knows how sore your body is so he'll carry you around the house.

- his family was very excited for the two of you, his mom was so happy to finally have a baby coming in the family. she gave you tons of advice and she gifted you with a ton of items for the baby.

- Porco asked Marcel to help him with the nursery, he didn't have any clue where to start and your due date was approaching faster than he could even blink. it took awhile, but they ended up making a really cute and pretty nursery. Porco felt like a proud dad in that moment.

- when your water broke, hell on Earth happened.

- Porco wasn't even there when it happened, you were with Pieck and it broke. when he got the call he went absolute ape shit and ran out the door, he literally zoomed to the damn hospital.

- he became so worried about you 🥺, seeing how uncomfortable you were and how much pain you were in made him so scared. he stayed by your side as long as he could so he could somewhat make it a little less painful.

- it was really late when you finally gave birth and Porco was awake for all of it. he couldn't fall asleep without seeing you give birth. it was so beautiful to him.

- UGH HE WAS SO EMOTIONAL. you hadn't ever seen Porco cry until then and it made your heart so happy.

- he'd literally fall asleep with her in his arms <3.

- UGH I LOVE HIM SO MUCH.

Colt Grice:

- okay this soft baby is always one to know when something feels off with you. he always has that gut feelings you know? it always bothers him until he asks you what's going on.

- you started feeling really sick and Colt being the giant baby he is, he got really scared and worried about you. he watched as you would run off to the toilet and vomit whatever you ate, he thought you had food poisoning. he noticed how exhausted you were, mans was so scared for your safety.

- like Porco, Colt is an over thinker. he legit thought you had some disease.

- one night he decided to just scoop you up and take you to the doctor. he couldn't handle watching you randomly vomit or almost pass out, he was scared one day you'd get even sicker, so he took you in.

- the doctors were concerned after hearing your symptoms, so they ran some tests. the tests revealed you were pregnant.

- Colt was shocked as shit, but he was so fucking excited and happy. he literally almost fainted from hearing the news, he wanted to have a baby with you for a pretty long time. he was open to your options though, but in the end you both agreed to keeping it.

- Colt is very reassuring, especially in this scenario. he reminds you that he will be here every step of the way and he isn't going anywhere. this is a process you'll be taking together, not just you.

- this baby will do anything he needs to do to keep you both safe. he holds your hand a little tighter when you're out and about, or he'll keep his hand on your small bump. he became protective overnight.

- he actually manages your symptoms pretty well, he'll make sure he has water ready for you after you throw up or he'll make you something to eat that'll ease your stomach. he keeps up with the weird cravings or the mood swings. Colt does a lot to make sure you're okay and comfortable.

- he is obsessed with the bump, he loves pressing kisses against it 🥺❤.

- Colt wants a boy so bad, he wants to teach the little boy everything. HE JUST LOVES THE IDEA OF A SON. after heading to your ultra sound, you told him he was getting a son and he lost it. he was so excited.

- he would probably have Falco come over and watch you 😭, yes a 12 year old. Falco keeps you entertained and he asks you about the baby a lot plus he knows what to do in case of an emergency.

- Colt would be very comforting, he understands completely how some days you can feel irritable so he tries his best to make you feel better. he'll run relaxing baths for you, kiss wherever you feel sore, etc. mans is really built to take care of you while you're pregnant.

- his family was absolutely ecstatic when they found out. Colt actually had some background knowledge about babies, his mom was pregnant with Falco after all. he kind of picked up on a few things as a kid, so expect him to know what he's doing. his mom was very supportive and helpful too.

- Colt is a damn handy man, he knows how to build a nursery. he basically told you to not worry about a damn thing and to go relax. when you came back the nursery was so pretty and adorable, you fell in love with it.

- when your water broke this man freaked the fuck out, he was in panic mode.

- Colt was freaking out at the hospital, he literally couldn't keep calm. he paced around the waiting room, Falco had to literally force this man to sit down and relax.

- seeing how much pain you were in broke his damn heart, he tried his best to calm you down and male you feel at least somewhat comfortable. he assured you this would be over soon and it'll all be worth it to see your baby.

- when you finally gave birth, he was astonished. he thought birth was such a beautiful thing and watching it made him so happy.

- he was such a sucker for this little boy, when he held him for the first time he was so overcome with emotion. he fell in love on the spot and literally kept him all to himself 😭.

- he is the perfect dad ugh.

Zeke Jaeger:

- Zeke has a serious breeding kink so you've definitely have had some pregnancy scares in the past. nothing he isn't used to, the tests usually came back negative anyway.

- you became really sick over a course of two weeks and it was extremely out of the ordinary for Zeke. he noticed how you slept in a lot longer, your eating habits changed due to your vomiting, you had to pee a lot more than usual. the #1 thing he noticed was your period had oddly been late. he thought you were you were seriously sick.

- mans was scared okay?

- that's when it dawned on him that all your symptoms were involved with pregnancy. he realized the timeline when you both had sex and when you got pregnant lined up perfectly. Zeke decided to get you a pregnancy test, he told you he felt like it was the best option.

- you took the test nervously and it eventually came back positive.

- you told Zeke and he was shocked, he was so excited for this new chapter. he was literally on board for anything you wanted to do.

- Zeke would come to every ultrasound, he assured you that he was going to be by your side for everything. he got you anything you needed, mans would rush out the damn door to get you anything you asked for.

- he takes care of you pretty much whenever he can, if you were feeling sick he'd stay in bed with you until you were feeling ready to get up. he'll cuddle up with you all day if he has to. mans is also very protective and defensive over you, if anyone is giving you some weird side eye he'll literally protect you with his damn life lmao.

- Zeke manages with your symptoms pretty well, he hates watching you throw up. he knows how uncomfortable it can be for you and he always holds your hair back, or he'll have something prepared for you to ease your stomach. he hates the mood swings the most 😭, he also hates when you get up 500 times to piss. he makes fun of you all the time.

- don't even get me started on the bump, he loves it. sometimes he'll poke it randomly and start laughing.

- Zeke wants a girl so bad. he literally loves the idea of having a daughter, but he didn't get it. you told him after your recent ultrasound you were having a boy. he was a little disappointed, but he was still happy. he gets to teach the little man how to play baseball <3.

- Pieck comes over when Zeke isn't around to check in. he is always really worried about you, so whenever he gets that gut feeling he'll send Pieck right over to make sure you're fine and that she can tell Zeke everything is cool.

- like i said earlier, he's very comforting. he knows how to take care of you especially on your bad days.

- his family is really happy for you both, his mom helped you a ton with the whole process. Zeke is a bit older so he kind of knew a bit about babies since Eren is his step-brother. he picked up on some shit when Carla was pregnant, even then his family gave you tons of advice.

- Zeke had no clue how to make a nursery, he had to call up his god damn dad for help 😭. Grisha was absolutely in for it, and he did exactly that. the two spent hours building the nursery and it came out really well.

- into pregnancy sex.

- when your water broke, holy shit it was like hell on Earth. Zeke didn't even know it popped since you were out and about when it happened.

- he actually was pretty calm, he wasn't freaking out or running around like a mad man. he was very chill and relaxed waiting for the doctors to come and let him in the delivery room.

- seeing you screaming in pain was hard for him to hear, you were struggling and there wasn't much he could do. of course he'd hold your hand and remind you that you're going to be okay, even if you screamed at him telling him to shut the hell up 😭. Zeke was like 😀.

- when you gave birth, oh wow he was so shocked seeing how a vagina can push out a baby.

- when he held his newborn son he was so happy, he almost cried but he felt so proud. he literally was in love with his son and he couldn't be happier.

- PERFECT DAD YOU CAN'T CHANGE MY MIND.

[yespolkadotkitty]

Kinktober Day 4 - shower/tub sex

I skipped Day 3 - nipple play - because I had a hella busy weekend and bc nipple play isn’t particularly my bag.

May I present a brief break in our regular programming for some light Shang-Chi fluff/angst/smut.

Pairing: Shaun/Shang-Chi x fem! HCP reader

Words: 675 ~ Warnings: angst, swears, very soft sex. No use of y/n.

**

We’re back.

The text from Katy turned your world upside down. You stared at the screen for a moment, willing words to transfer from your brain to the screen, but there were too many. Finally, you typed: Where is he?

You watched the little dots that indicated Katy was typing.

His place.

I’m at mine. So, you know, if you wanted to go over-

Katy had long been at you to confess your feelings to Shaun.

You stuffed your dirty scrubs in the hospital wash bin, thankful that you were just ending a shift, not just starting one. You wouldn’t have been able to concentrate on patients knowing that Shaun was back.

The garbled message from him, punctuated by traffic noise - I have to go away for a while, explain when I’m back - had set you on edge for weeks.

You didn’t know whether you wanted to deck him or kiss him. Maybe both.

On Day 8 of his hiatus, you’d let yourself into his place - you, he and Katy all had keys to each other’s homes - and snuggled into one of his hoodies, falling asleep on the couch.

You took the bus to his place, alighting at the familiar stop and weaving through a farmer’s market. The sun was low in the sky, and the humid air made your nervous sweat more acute.

You knocked his door in a pretence of being polite, when you wanted to hammer it down.

He didn’t answer, so you let yourself in.

As you shut the door, you heard a groan from further in the apartment. You dumped your bag, and spied a trail of clothes on the floor. Your blood heated.

He’s probably in the shower.

I should go.

But you didn’t.

“Shaun?”

No answer.

You stepped into the tiny hall. The bathroom door was ajar, and without thinking, you pushed it open.

Shaun turned, surprise in his brown eyes as he mouthed your name.

“So it’s true,” you accused. “You are back.”

“I’m sorry-”

You barely took in the fact he wore only boxers and holy crap he was built. “You’re sorry? It’s been four weeks! I thought you might have died-”

His mouth settled into a firm line. “Katy was with me-”

And that was a sore point. “I know! You took Katy, but left me behind-”

“-She didn’t give me much of a choice-”

You shoved him, dead centre of his chest. “You could have asked-”

“It was going to be dangerous-”

You opened your mouth to shoot back a reply, but no words came out. Finally, you whispered, “I thought you were dead, Shaun. I thought you were dead, and I’d never get to tell you…”

Realisation dawned on his handsome face as you gazed at each other, and then, then, he pulled you into his arms and you sobbed against his chest. His skin was warm and firm and you cuddled in, crying nonsense words.

“I wanted to tell you,” he murmured into your hair. “But I was supposed to do what - just ask a doctor to leave her patients for fuck knows how long?”

He had a point and you hated that.

“I wish you’d been with us,” he added. “I saw my father. And met my Aunt. And Katy’s a crack archer now.”

You jerked your head up. “You - what the hell? Where did you go? What did you do?”

Shaun sighed. “I have a lot to tell you. But right now, in this moment? I’m more interested in hearing what you thought you’d never get to tell me.”

“You really don’t know? You’re an idiot. I let myself in while you were away and slept on your couch.” You poked him in the chest to punctuate each word of the last sentence.

Shaun’s brows winged up. “You-”

“I love you, you absolute-”

You never got to finish because Shaun cupped your face in his hands and kissed you. Whisper-soft at first, and then when you opened for him, the kiss turned hungry. You clutched at his shoulders, then slid your hands into his hair, gasping when he settled his hands under your ass and boosted you up. Your legs came around his waist and - holy shit, he was into this, if the evidence against your belly was any indication.

“I love you, too,” he panted, at length.

You nuzzled his neck, breathing him in. “Ugh, I wish I could wash the hospital off me.”

Shaun nodded to the shower. “Well, I was about to get in there…”

Your pulse rocketed. “Yes.”

This was not how you had pictured your day ending when Katy’s text had come through, but right now, you were elated.

Between kisses, Shaun undressed you hurriedly, and you helped him along, getting a case of the giggles when removing your leggings tickled your thighs. The laughter might have made you feel uncomfortable with another man, but this was Shaun, who sang terrible karaoke and made you ramen on your days off and shared his Pocky with you.

When you were naked, he pulled you close, his dark gaze drinking you in.

“You’re beautiful.”

How you’d dreamed of hearing those words in his deep voice.

“You’re not so bad yourself.” You tugged at the waist of his boxers. “Could use less clothes.”

He grinned, cheeky and confident, and your heart pounded at how handsome he was, and how much you wanted him. “Help yourself.”

You did, and he was long and thick and ready, and you watched him struggle for control as you wrapped your hand around him, kissing the groan off his lips.

“Shower, now.”

He turned the water on and tugged you inside, shutting the glass door, and you were cocooned in his arms under the hot spray. You lifted your face for his kiss and he obliged. Steam fogged up the glass and it was like being in your own private world.

You learned each other’s bodies with tongue and teeth and hands, and he left you breathless, until you could only moan his name, your hands in his hair as he did his best to spell his name on your clit with his talented tongue.

When the orgasm broke over you, he lifted you as your legs shook, braced you against the shower wall, and slid home, and it was all you’d ever wanted. He was all you’d ever wanted.

“Shaun,” you groaned against his neck.

He smiled into your hair. “It’s Shang-Chi.” At your puzzled hmmm, he added, “We have a lot to talk about, but it’s hard to think when you’re naked.”

You pulled him back in for another kiss. “Okay. We’ll think later.”

---

Unbeta’d.

I’m not sure who from my list would want to be tagged in this but I do think @astroboots​ will like it.

[weebswrites]

Heyy! I recently came across your blog and a absolutely love your writing! 🥰

Would it be possible to request an angst hc with the Obey me brothers? So maybe the bros were having a bad day and they lash out at the MC. The MC leaves them alone and the brothers don’t hear from them for hours and think MC just doesn’t want to talk to them but in reality MC got attacked and is barely alive. And maybe MC summons the brother with what little strength they have left so the brother is met with an MC laying in front of them almost dead.

Ah I’m sorry I know this is a lot so feel free to ignore this if it’s too much! Have a good day :D

A/N: YES YES YES I LOVE THIS THANK YOU ANON

The Demon Bros Saving Your Life (this will have swear words and light descriptions of violence so if that makes you uncomfortable read at your own discretion pls I love u guys)

Lucifer

“MC, please just leave me alone” he spat, trying to stay calm but losing his patience quickly

“Lucifer, I’m not letting you shove me away. You can do that to your brothers, but not to me” you insist, remembering your conversation where he said to ignore him when he tried to push you away

“I’ll do what I want to you, human, don’t forget your place” he boomed, so loud your eyes reactively filled with tears

“Fine, do what you want” you mutter at him before storming out, slamming the door behind you

He knew he fucked up, but wasn’t in the headspace to chase after you, so he stayed in his office and worked. He’d apologize later

You ran out of the HoL, just wanting to be out of Lucifer’s reach for a bit. You decide to go to Purgatory Hall to visit Simeon, your best friend outside of the HoL, but take the scenic route there to clear your head a bit and calm down. Before you know it the sun is setting, and figure you should get to Simeon’s sooner rather than later.

“Hey, aren’t you Lucifer’s bitch” you hear from an alleyway, and suddenly you’re just as annoyed as before. But you know better than to engage with any demons that are egging you on like that, so you keep walking

Then you’re grabbed from behind and slammed against a brick wall, hitting your head roughly against the surface

“Fuck” you exhale, vision already blurring

“Think you can ignore me, human? You’re weak here, nothing” the demon drove a fist into your stomach, causing you to cough

“I’ll show you not to come back to the Devildom ever again, filthy human”

By the time he was done you were a bloody mess crumpled on the ground, in the fetal position to protect your vital organs as much as you could, but you felt yourself losing consciousness

The demon spat on you before leaving, laughing as he walked away. Your body was in so much pain, and you felt yourself losing your grip on reality

You could felt your lips moving as your vision turned to black, and your last coherent thought before blacking out was realizing you were summoning Lucifer

“I...summon the Avatar of Pride...” you inhaled as much as you could, but his name came out a whisper, “Lucifer”

You saw his legs appear before you lost consciousness, thankful you were actually able to summon him

“What the fuck” was his first comment, as he didn’t see you at his feet, but as soon as he did he felt his heart shatter

“MC! Fuck, MC. MC?” he shook you very lightly, and when you didn’t respond he went into overdrive. He picked you up gently in his arms after examining where you were most badly injured, as to not make anything worse

He was in demon form from the moment he saw you, wanting as much of his strength at his disposal as he could have. He flew you to the nearest hospital (idk if there’s a hospital in the devildom but there is now) and demanded you be placed in the best care possible, and also made it very clear that he wasn’t going to leave your side

He watched as doctors sewed your wounds closed and put an IV in your arm, unable to take his eyes off their every move. After a few hours, the doctor turned to Lucifer

“They should wake up within a few hours,” the doctor said before leaving

“Thank you. Please mail the bill to Lord Diavolo and I’ll take care of it” he said, figuring that was easier than having to fill out the HoL on paperwork

He was then alone with you, and he scooted his chair next to your bed and took your hand in his, holding it gently

“I’m so sorry, MC” he whispered and pressed his lips to the top of your hand as he tried not to cry

He sat there for what felt like hours, but just twenty minutes passed before he felt you move slightly

Your eyes fluttered open, and you took a moment to adjust to the lights

You felt warmth around your hand, and recognized it instantly, looking to your side and locking eyes with Lucifer

“Luci” you whisper, voice hoarse from not having used it for hours

“MC, I’m so sorry” his voice was soft and you could tell how distraught he was, “I never should have snapped at you, it was out of place and rude and I’m sorry” he rambled on like this for a minute, and you just appreciated his genuine care for you as you listened to him speak

“Lucifer” you cut him off, “Thank you for taking care of me. I forgive you”

Mammon

“Just get a job! Then your brothers won’t shit on you all the time” you suggested. Mammon had come to you venting about how some of his brothers had ganged up on him again and demanded that they pay him back. You were more understanding than you probably should have been with him, but wanted him to be proactive and get himself out of this on his own

“It isn’t that easy! Damnit MC, I thought you understood me!” he snapped, and you decided you should just let him cool down

“Look, Mammon. I’m always here for you with this, but you can’t keep complaining about this and not doing anything about it when there’s an easy solution. I have to go study with Satan for a test we have, so I’m going to go meet him. Text me when you’ve calmed down”

You meant it to be caring, but his mind was clouded, and he took it as you pitying him and running away - his greatest fear

“Fine!” he huffed, turning his back to you

You were saddened by this, but genuinely had to go, so you turned and left, thankful for the bit of time that you knew Mammon needed alone to clear his head

You were walking to the library, in the middle of a text to Satan when you accidentally bumped into another demon

“Shit, my bad” you apologize, but the demon had no intention of letting you get away with that

“A human, eh?” he grabbed your shirt collar and instantly drove a fist to your jaw

“What the fuck” you tried to say, but couldn’t really speak

The demon punched you a few more times, and you thought that they had the strength of Beel with how much it hurt

Your body was tossed to the ground and kicked before being abandoned, and you wished you didn’t take the back way to the library

“I summon the Avatar of Greed, Mammon” you whispered, hoping your words were enunciated enough for the summoning to work

“MC!” he noticed you instantly, crouching down and putting a hand on your arm, “MC what happened. Wait don’t talk, can you stand?”

You began to sit up, which he took as a yes, and he wrapped his arm around you to help you stand

He studied your injured face as you stood, and wished he had the power to heal you instantly

“Come on MC, the hospital is close”

“T-Text Satan I’m not coming” you handed him your phone, not wanting Satan to think that you ditched him

Mammon exhaled a laugh through his nose, “You’re always thinking of others, MC” he commented, “We really don’t deserve you”

You just shook your head, feeling like you didn’t deserve the joy the demons brought you

Mammon stayed by your side until you were completely healed, which took a few weeks. He even signed up for a job with Akuzon DC. It was the most selfless you’d ever seen him, and you thanked him for his kindness once you were healed with a gift card to his favorite store

Leviathan

“Just stop! I get it, you have other friends, I don’t care. Go have fun with them” he snapped. Levi hadn’t slept in about 48 hours and you could tell

“Levi, please sleep. I’ll be back in a few hours” you try to comfort him, but he isn’t hearing it

“Whatever, MC”

You’re hurt by his attitude, but know he’s just exhausted. You turn to leave and plan to head back to him a bit sooner to spend extra time with him (quality time love language lookin demon) (also the avatar of envy but that’s not as funny of a joke so)

You were planning to meet with some classmates to study, but you ran into a demon on your way that had been bullying you for being human for the whole semester

You hadn’t told any of the brothers because you didn’t want to make a big deal about it, but you were worried suddenly what the demon would do to you outside of the school grounds

“Hey, it’s the human” she snarled, stepping in front of you to stop your path

“Sorry, I’m busy” you tried to walk around her, but she had no intention of letting you go unscathed

“Not so fast” she stomped her foot over yours to stop you and shoved you back against a light pole nearby

You felt the cold metal slam against your spine and grunted in discomfort

“Can’t take a little pain? That’s too bad” she said, taking you by your shirt and  throwing your body on the road

She kicked your body for what felt like minutes while spitting insults at you, before leaving your weakened body on the ground

You tried to get up once she was gone but screamed in pain, not able to move a muscle

“I summon the Avatar of Envy, Leviathan,” you said, tears starting to run down your face at his name

“Levi, Levi please, help me” you whispered as he appeared

“MC, I’m here” he kneeled down beside you and inspected your body, “I’m here, don’t worry”

“Levi” your hand tightened around his jacket, “Help”

He picked you up, maintaining your position in his arms, and took you to the hospital as fast as he could while keeping you comfortable

He stayed by your side as much as he was legally allowed to while the doctors cared for your torso and x-rayed your foot. After a day or so you were allowed home, and he insisted that he stayed by your side until you were completely healed

Satan

“MC, I’ve asked you eight times to leave me alone, I’m clearly trying to read, can’t you take the hint?” he sighed exasperatedly and waited for you to leave, not intending his words to be so harsh but he figured you’d be fine

You were not fine! What the fuck Satan.

“Fine, screw you then” you retorted and left, slamming the door behind you

He realized that you weren’t fine, but wanted to finish his book. Then he’d apologize. But when we went to your room later that night to talk, you didn’t answer.

“MC, come on, open up. I’m sorry for earlier, can we just talk?”

Beelzebub was walking by, “I haven’t seen them since this morning, they left the house crying” he said awfully casually, “I never saw them come back”

Satan felt the blood drain from his face and he ran out of the HoL, ignoring Beel’s “I’m sure they’re fine now!” from behind him

He barely made it out of the doors before he was summoned, and he was confused before he realized the only way he could be summoned was by you

As soon as he was there he saw you, thrown against a dumpster, barely able to hold yourself up

“Satan” you called, voice weak, and he was at your side in less than a second

He stood in front of you and you got on his back, wrapping your arms over his neck

“Tell me what happened. Who did this” his voice was firm and you could almost feel the anger radiating off him

You muttered a name under your breath before resting your head on his shoulder, trying everything you could to not pass out

“Satan, talk to me. I can’t stay awake”

That scared him, so he walked to the hospital a bit faster, but gently still as to not cause you any extra pain

He started telling you about his book since that was all he did that day, but it ended up turning into a long apology for pushing you away and raising his voice earlier. You would have cut him off but you didn’t have the strength to, so you just listened to his words, noticing the thought he had clearly put into them throughout the day

“Satan-” you started, and he instantly stopped to listen, “I forgive you”

He was silent, a sense of relief and appreciation for you washing over him and he thanked you for your understanding of his anger as you arrived at the hospital

Similar to Lucifer, he demanded you to be seen by the best doctor there was on staff, price be damned. He watched intensely as the doctor checked you out, eyeing them up and down to make sure they were good enough and treating you with the same care he would

Once you were released he had Diavolo send a car to drive the two of you back to the HoL, where Satan had had your room prepared with new pillows (the kind you mentioned liking from his room, as well as new ones of the ones you had), freshly washed sheets and duvet, and a cup of your favorite drink waiting for you (he definitely didn’t bribe his brothers to get your room ready, not that it took much bribing)

In addition, each of the brothers had pitched in to get you flowers and a stuffed animal that you’d mentioned wanting, a few weeks ago. The sight of it all made you tear up, and you wrapped Satan in the tightest hug he’d ever gotten

Asmodeus

“I appreciate you trying to cheer me up, MC, but I just need some time by myself,” he said, and you could tell he was losing his patience

“Are you sure?” you offer one last time before leaving, wanting to make sure he really wanted to be alone

“Yes! I am!” he snapped, and you felt bad for pushing

“Sorry, Asmo. Feel better” you leave and take care to close the door as quietly as you can on your way out

You were having a bit of a bad day yourself, so you decide to go walk around the devildom and let the fresh air clear your head

Which ended up being a bad idea, as you ran into one of the demons that always hit on you in one of your classes.

“Hey, MC, you finally aren’t with any of those idiot brothers” he approached you and tried to touch your arm, but you pushed it away

“Oh, they’re fiesty. I’ll have to teach you a lesson” he spat on the ground next to you and before you knew it he pushed you against a wall and was punching you senseless

It felt like he’d never stop, but eventually it did, and he left you to bleed on the road. You tried to stand up, not thinking your injuries would be that servere, but you couldn’t move. You sighed and closed your eyes, exhaustion suddenly washing over you

You knew you probably had a concussion and some broken ribs, and that you shouldn’t lose consciousness, so you did the only thing you could think to do. You summoned Asmo.

“I summon the Avatar of Lust, Asmodeus” you spoke, and there he was

“MC! Babes, what happened? Where are you hurt” he knelt in front of you and looked over your body

“Ribs...and my head...” you whined, leaning forward for him to take you in his arm

Asmodeus was stronger than you realized, and he picked you up easily and started walking you back to the HoL. “Let’s get you laying down and I’ll call a doctor” he said gently, “Then Satan and I will take care of the idiot who did this”

Until you were healed he was by your side, bringing you anything you even thought of wanting and getting the classwork you missed from your classes

Beelzebub

“Hey Beel, what’s up!” you walked into the kitchen and greeted your favorite demon cheerily

He grunted, usually a sign that he should be left alone, but you wanted some Beel time and figured you’d just be cautious and give him his space

“How was your day” you asked innocently

“Not now, MC. I’m not in the mood” his voice was firm, and you took the message

“Got it, I’ll leave” you said apologetically, and left the kitchen. You were a bit upset by him pushing you away, but knew he just needed space. You decided to walk to get takeout for dinner, and made your way to the restaurant on your own.

That was a mistake. You weren’t even halfway there when you figured later you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time

“Is that a human? Here?” you heard from across the road, and sighed, hoping to get off easy

“Hey, human!” the demons walked over to you and you stopped, deciding to at least acknowledge them so they’d think they could insult you and move along

“Wow, I’ve never met a human in real life before” one of them smirked, “I wonder just how weak they really are”

“I wouldn’t test it, just because I’m a human doesn’t mean I don’t know some demons who would make your lives miserable if you hurt me”

The other demon scoffed, “You’re lying. What demon would befriend a human”

You were getting irritated at the attitude being thrown at you, so you decided to fight back with a little sass of your own, “Lucifer, Satan, Beelzebub, and Lord Diavolo, to name a few” you smirked and crossed your arms

“Bullshit” one of the two demons got in your face, “there’s no way a demon like that would look twice at you”, and before you could begin to think of a comeback you felt a sharp pain in your side

You looked down to see a gash in your side, thankfully seeming to not have hit an organ, but it was still bleeding pretty badly. You didn’t know what to do, but didn’t really have the chance to do much because a few strong punches were delivered to your core immediately after

“Fuck” you mumbled as you crumpled to the ground, and heard the demons laughing as they walked away. You felt yourself bleeding pretty heavily, and knew you wouldn’t be able to make it back to the HoL

“I summon the Avatar of Gluttony. Beelzebub” you said, hoping you remembered how to use your pact correctly

He appeared before you and you let out a sigh of relief, then wincing in pain at your own action

“MC!” he instantly took off his grey hoodie and pressed it to your wound, “There’s an underground hospital close, is it safe for me to lift you or can you walk”

“I think I can walk, but can you keep an arm around me” you ask, and he obviously does

You get to the hospital and are instantly checked in and brought to a care room. Beel holds your hand and lets you squeeze it as tightly as you need as your wound is sewn up, and then the nurses give you pain medication for the next few weeks

You didn’t know the names of the demons who hurt you, but Lucifer found out easily with his many connections, and he and the rest of his siblings, along with Lord Diavolo, made sure that the two demons never so much as thought about you ever again

Belphegor

“Belphie, please let me in” you knocked on his door again, not knowing what had caused him to storm off in the first place

The door opened, but before you could say anything Belphie was talking

“MC, I’m fucking pissed right now, and the last person I want to be around is you” his voice was sharp, and you almost teared up at how genuine his words seemed

“Fine, okay, I’m sorry for trying to help” you responded before turning and running down the stairs from his room in the attic, wanting to give him space but also run away from him

You were going to try not to cry, but as soon as you stepped outside the HoL you couldn’t hold back anymore. Sniffling, you walked to the park nearby to sit at a bench and think. You pulled out your D.D.D. to text Beelzebub and ask him to check up on Belphie, but didn’t even unlock it before someone sat down next to you

You didn’t recognize who it was, and you wiped under your eyes as the demon began to speak

But they didn’t say anything near what you expected. Well, you didn’t know what you were expecting, but it wasn’t to be called a filthy human by a stranger

The demon proceeded to call you names, but you were too mentally exhausted to fight back, so you just sat and listened as they tried to get a reaction from you

“What, aren’t you listening to me? Stupid human” and the demon started punching you. Hard.

You tried to fight back at first, but compared to the strength of a demon you couldn’t really do much. Once you started losing consciousness the other demon left you to sit, laughing at your wounds

You didn’t know what to do, you didn’t want to bother Belphie if he was still in a bad mood, but you needed help. You pulled out your D.D.D. and saw a text from him, reading: ‘MC, I’m sorry. Please come back, give me a chance to explain’

As you couldn’t move, you realized your only option was to summon him, so that’s exactly what you did

“I summon the Avatar of Sloth, Belphegor” you suddenly got nervous, unsure why since you and Belphie were so close, but you knew he’d help you no matter what

“MC? MC holy shit” he sat next to you on the bench and you instantly leaned into him and started sobbing

“MC I’m so sorry, this never should have happen” he had an arm around you

You sniffled, “It isn’t your fault, I was just clearing my head” you reassured him, still hurt by his previous words but not at all blaming him for the other demon’s attack

He brought you back to the HoL and gave you ice packs for the bruises that were starting to surface, making sure you had everything you needed for the next many days until you were healed

--------------------

A/N: This took me longer than I thought it would to write but I also kept taking breaks and had three classes today lol. But here it is !!! I love writing angst hehe so this was really fun

[hercleverboy]

stars

spencer reid x fem!reader

summary ↠ spencer and the reader watch the stars and talk about their future.

category ↠ fluff

warnings/includes ↠ none

word count ↠ 1.7k

dedicating this fluff fest to my wifey, @alltooreid thank you for not only your creative input on this, but also for being there for me when i needed someone. much love <333

“And so I named the stars one by one, after every favourite memory of you.” — Stephen Stilwell

“Isn’t it beautiful?” She whispered, eyes staring up into the night, drawn to the little specks of light dotted in the clear sky. They were laid on the soft grass, blanket beneath them as they looked up together, beaming smiles on both their faces.

He grinned down at the woman who rested her head on his chest, his arms wound tightly around her. “It certainly is. I’m surprised the sky is so clear tonight, I really didn’t think we were going to be able to see much.” He admitted with a little laugh.

She chuckled at that. “You didn’t think we’d see much, and yet you still let me drag you out here at an ungodly hour so we could watch the stars?” She asked, shuffling slightly so she could look up at him.

“Of course. You’re cute when you’re excited, I didn’t have the heart to tell you that the probability of the sky being clear enough for us to see anything was only around 37%.” He explained, intertwining their hands together. “But there you go again, proving me wrong.”

“Hm. Aren’t you supposed to be a genius or something?” She joked, making him roll his eyes.

“I am! Unless you too can recite the Bible from memory? Or the manual for our microwave?” He joked, causing Y/N to give him a gentle shove.

“Can I ask you something?” She whispered, looking up at him.

He breathed out. “Anything.”

They were quiet for a little while before she spoke again. “Do you ever think about our future?”

Spencer’s breath hitched at the question.

Of course, he thought about their future. All the time. Marriage, kids, a big house with a white picket fence, perhaps even a dog. It was the ‘apple-pie’ life he’d dreamt of, more than he’d like to admit.

He gave her a squeeze, one of reassurance.

They’d been together for two years. Two years that had simultaneously been the best and worst of his life. In those years he’d nearly died after being shot in the neck, he’d lost Alex, Kate, Gideon, and the team was still under immense threat from Mr. Scratch. And somehow, admist all the chaos, he’d met this incredible woman who had helped him through it all. The last few months in particular had been rough for him. With Morgan leaving the team and his mother’s condition worsening, it had certainly made him reconsider everything he had in his life and also reminded him of not only what he’d lost, but what he’d gained. 

Y/N sighed, but still gave Spencer a smile. “It’s ok. We don’t have to talk about it, I was only wondering.”

“No, no. It’s ok. I’m just trying to gather my thoughts, is all.” He assured her, moving to sit up straight. Y/N sat up too, Spencer reaching out and grabbing one of her hands to hold tightly in his. “I think about it all the time, truthfully.” He mumbled.

“You do?”

“Of course, I do. You’re it for me, Y/N.” He gave a small smile, his gaze dropping to their intertwined fingers. “It’s just, I’ve been thinking a lot lately.”

Y/N nodded, urging him to continue.

“I’ve been thinking about my position at the BAU.” He stated firmly. Y/N’s eyes widened slightly in shock, surprised at the confession. The way he said it was so sure, so certain. He’d evidently been thinking about it for quite some time.

“Ever since Morgan left, I’ve been going over it again and again in my head. I understand why he left. His family needed him and it’s honestly the most admirable thing I’ve ever seen him do. I just wonder,” He paused, biting down on his lip in thought. “Would it be wise for me to make the same decision he did?” 

Y/N frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I just mean— Y/N I love you. I want us to get married, have children, I want us to have a life together. And after watching Morgan, seeing how he gave up the job for his family, don’t you think I should do that too? For you, for us?” He explained, eyes finally meeting her worried ones.

“Woah, woah Spence. Are you saying you’re thinking of leaving the BAU?” She clarified, moving a little closer to him.

Spencer nodded. “I know, it seems crazy right? At first I couldn’t believe that I was even considering it but I’ve thought about it a lot and it just, it seems like the right thing to do.” He gave a small shrug. “If we’re going to have a life together I want our family to be my priority, and I just don’t think I can do that while I’m still doing this job. I’ve seen it all first hand. I watched Hotch lose Haley, I watched Morgan nearly lose Savannah, all because of this job.” 

Y/N shook her head slowly, much to Spencer’s surprise. “Spencer... I won’t be the reason that you leave a job that you worked so hard for, a job that you love so much. What about the team? They’re your family- “

It was Spencer’s turn to shake his head, cutting her off mid-sentence. “You’re right. The team are my family, but so are you. And if they care about me like I know they do, they’ll support me with this. And as for jobs? There are plenty out there that I’ll enjoy. I’ve actually been thinking of getting in contact with Alex, maybe asking about teaching opportunities at Georgetown.”

Y/N looked up at him, eyebrows furrowing as she studied his face intently. He avoided her eyes, small smile pulling at his lips.

She smiled back, a knowing look on her face. “You’ve already spoken to Alex about it, haven’t you?”

Spencer chuckled with a nod. “You know me too well. I spoke to her last week. She said there’s an open spot as the head of the Criminal Psychology department. The job is mine if I want it.”

Y/N gave him a grin, squeezing his hands. “Are you sure this is what you want?” He nodded, but that wasn’t enough for her. “No, I need to hear you say it. I need to know that you’re not going to resent me in a few years because of this.”

He was quick to shake his head, pulling her toward him as one of his hands came up to cup her face. “I would never resent you.”

“So, this is what you want?” She asked once more, just so she knew he was absolutely sure. 

He nodded adamantly. “I want you. I’m only ever going to want you.” He murmured the words so softly that it made Y/N’s heart ache. “Now, and for the rest of my days.”

With joyful tears building in her eyes she nodded, enveloping him in a hug as he kissed the side of her forehead.

Spencer let out a sigh accompanied by a teary smile. He gave her a squeeze, his hands soothing along her back as he looked up at the stars. “Did you know, there’s an old Buddhist saying that when you meet your soulmate, remember that the act to bring you together was 500 years in the making. We’re supposedly, quite literally, bound together through space and time. Isn’t that cool?” He rambled, earning a chuckle from Y/N.

“That is really cool.” She agreed. 

“You know I’m a man of science, but how else is it possible that you came into my life at a time where I needed you the most?” He whispered the last part, as though he was afraid to be so vulnerable as to let the words leave his lips. “Do you- do you think it’s possible that the stars brought us together?” 

She grinned, tilting back her head slightly to look up at the stars with him. “Yeah, I think so.” 

*

Spencer looked down in awe at the baby girl pressed against his bare chest. Josephine June Reid, barely three days old and already she had her father wrapped right around her tiny finger. Nothing he’d ever felt before compared to the feeling he had when he looked down at her, his little girl, his daughter. She slept peacefully against him, her little chest rising and falling rhythmically as his hands soothed over her back, gently rocking her. 

There was a soft knock on the nursery door, his tired-looking wife pushing it open. “Spence?”

He looked up, and offered her a warm smile. “Hey, you’re supposed to be resting.”

Y/N gave a sleepy grin, moving toward them. “You know that we’re supposed to sleep when she does, right?”

He snickered at that, raising an eyebrow at her. “You only gave birth three days ago. You know I’m going to tell you to get back into bed, right? Doctor’s orders.”

She held her hands up in a mock surrender, placing a kiss on the side of Spencer’s head. “I know.” 

It was silent for a moment, the new parents just staring down at the little life they’d created, filled with such a warmth, such a happiness that they’d never felt before. 

“I can’t put her down, not yet. I don’t want to let her go.” Spencer whispered, bringing up a finger to soothe over his daughter’s cheek. “I love her so much.”

“I know. She loves you too.” Y/N assured, watching with joy at how Spencer was with their daughter. He really was a natural with kids.

“You really should go back to bed, love. You need all the rest you can get.” He warned in a playful tone.

Y/N chuckled a little with a nod, bending down to press a gentle kiss to her daughter’s forehead. “I’m not going to fight you on that one Doc, I’m exhausted.” She ruffled the curls on her husband’s head, offering him a warm smile. “Love you. Come back to bed soon, yeah?”

Spencer nodded, promising he would.  

Before Y/N left the nursery, she turned back to her husband, calling his name softly. “Spence?”

“Yeah, love?”

“Do you regret it now?” She whispered, her fingers fumbling together as though she was afraid she wouldn’t like his answer. “Do you regret leaving the BAU?”

The question made him frown, it made him think. Did he regret leaving? 

His eyes flickered between his wife and the beautiful little girl against his chest and he smiled slightly at the realisation. This was everything he’d ever wanted, here, right in front of him. Every decision he’d made, every moment of heartache, every person he’d lost, they had all lead him there. To that very moment. 

And for that, he was so incredibly grateful. 

“No.” He replied, his voice as sure as the day he first mentioned leaving. “Not even for a second.”

He supposed he had the stars to thank for that. 

[yeahimaloser]

Wingless

Hello! So this was the fic I've been working on, and I just wanted to quickly say this is an AU-based fic (Kinda).

WARNING MANGA SPOILERS

So I understand what's going on in the manga, but I started this fic when Keigo was injured. so I wrote a fic about how Keigo and you would deal with him losing both his wings and a part of himself.

this story contains manga spoilers, as well as warnings of mental and physical abuse (kind of), hurt to comfort, mentions of Depression, blood, someone gets glass stuck in their hand, and therapy.

no pronouns are given to the reader. Word count: 7k

. . .

You practically ran through the hospital, not listening to the nurses and doctors as they told you to slow your pace. Your mind only screamed out for him, screaming for him to be alive, for him to just be okay. You could hear your heart thumping hard against your chest, tears spilling down your cheeks.

As you ran near his room, a doctor finally managed to stop you.

“Please, calm down! He’s in this room but I can not allow you in if you act like this. You will only stress my patient out more, and we have just managed to sedate him.” the doctor held out his hands as he spoke, trying to calm you.

Although, it clearly wasn’t working. Your eyes only shone more with brimming tears, your hands shook as the doctor spoke.

After a few minutes of you catching your breath and calming yourself down, the doctor told you that you were able to see him.

You felt as if your whole body was on fire as you walked through the doors to his hospital room.

The window that overlooked the city gave an impressive view (if it wasn’t in a hospital, you probably would have stopped and looked down at the city below). The bathroom, you could see, was on your left. There was even a vanity and a television in the room as well.

But you really didn’t have time to look around, your eyes were already focused on the man that lay on the hospital bed.

Machines were hooked up to him, tubes ran out of his skin every witch way. He was flipped on his stomach to accommodate his wings or lack thereof. Bandages covered almost every area you could see, the blood on them was minimal, yet they looked new, meaning they had been changed.

You rushed to his side, stopping only when the line of his IV almost collide with your foot.

“Keigo,” you said it so lightly you were afraid only you could even hear it.

But Keigo’s eyes shot open, looking up at you, “...Y/N?”

God, his voice was a raspy mess, it sounded as though it wasn’t even his.

If you could, you would break down right then and there. Crying over him, telling him you were there for him, that you would always be there for him, no matter the hardships he was sure to overcome. You wanted desperately to hold him, to whisper love-filled words to him, to wipe away the pain you knew he was feeling.

But you didn’t, you couldn’t.

You knew you had to be strong for him in that moment, and for all the moments yet to come. You knew that what was going to happen to you two would not be easy.

So you couldn’t cry, no matter how much you wanted to.

You lightly stroked his cheek, “I’m here Kei, I’m right here. I won't leave you.”

Silent tears ran down his face as he spoke, his voice cracking, “I’m sorry.”

----

After what happened with Dabi Toya, the commission tried their best to cover everything up, telling the public that Dabi had to be wrong. But the public eye was persistent.

The truth was out, there was nothing you or Keigo could do to stop it. Everyone knew about his name, his father, and what he had done to Twice, as well as the fact that he had lost to Dabi. You knew it would be hard for him to come back to that.

The media had always been a bit ruthless when it came to Keigo, but now, it was up by tenfold. They talked about how they believed that Keigo was not worthy of his hero title. A false hero they called him.

And Keigo?

Luckily, he didn’t hear very much of it. You made sure of that. You wanted him to rest, to let what had happened wash over him little by little, and you knew if he heard what the news had been saying about him, that he might never recover.

When Keigo was a bit more stable, he still rarely talked.

His eyes didn’t shine like they used to, his face, once so uplifting and beautiful, was marred with a long scar that he had on his face.

But no matter what, you stayed with him, no matter what, you would be by his side.

But seeing Keigo like this? It was unbearable.

He would only eat if you were there to persuade him, he would only look at you if you practically begged him to.

You knew it was a selfish want, you knew it was, but you wanted your Keigo back. You wanted the man who held you in his arms, telling you he would fly to the moon and back if it meant you would give him your love. You wanted the man that stopped at nothing to protect others, you wanted the man that smiled when the going got tough, you wanted Keigo.

But you had to accept that this was Keigo.

And you wouldn’t leave him, you couldn’t. He was always there for you when you needed him most, and you weren’t going to do the same.

After what had happened with Keigo, the commission thought it would be best to send him away, let the media storm die down, letting him also take time to heal his wings.

You had to fight them in order to come as well. At first, they told you that Hawks should just be concerned with getting his wings back and becoming “hero ready”.

You should have known. You knew, of course, that the HPSC was corrupted, but you didn’t think they were heartless. Yet, you were proven wrong.

You wished they could understand, you wished everyone could understand. Keigo was so loving and kind, you just wished people would understand that about him. What Keigo had to do to Twice… you knew he didn’t want to kill him, Keigo wasn’t like that. He didn’t take pleaser in violence, all he wanted was to see others happy.

And it made your blood boil that the higher up’s couldn’t understand.

You told them how Keigo needed someone to be his caretaker, and you would be the best candidate. You knew he wouldn’t object, you told them that you would work for free, seeing as he and you had been dating, as well as living together for the last few years.

Finally, with a lot of persuading, they agreed.

They sent you and Keigo to a remote location near the shores of Japan, seeing as they wanted Keigo to not remember the effects of the fight, and thought the best course of action was to send him so far out that he would have nothing to remind him of, “The Incident”.

The house was a small little thing, a lot smaller than what you and Keigo were used to at least.

It was close to the ocean, giving it a more country feeling rather than the city vibe you and Keigo used to live in. The smell of the ocean hit you full force when you two arrived, the salty, yet homie smell was a nice difference to the fullness of the air of the city.

The home had a total of seven rooms, all on the same floor.

The master bedroom had enough space, it fit a bed, a vanity, and a closet as well as a connection to the master bathroom. The walls were painted a low white, you wouldn’t call it cream however that was the closest rendition. The floors were all wood, you could feel the sand beneath your feet, you had a feeling the stuff would get everywhere.

There were three bathrooms, a guest room, a living room, and a kitchen.

The whole house honestly just felt...nice.

The floors felt grainy against your feet, but it felt weirdly cozy, kind of like how a beach house should feel. The carpeting was a bit musty for your taste, you had a feeling that would be your first project to do with the house. The couch was a bit too firm, you expected that, but still, it just needed to be worn in. The kitchen wasn’t big, but for two people, it would do.

You spent the first week moving in, all by yourself.

Keigo would only stay in bed, looking out the window, in some far-off world he was in.

You wanted to cry when you would walk into the master bedroom and see him upright on the mattress, not doing or saying anything, just staring, a shell of the man you once knew.

It made your heart clench though, normally, Keigo would always be the first to lend a helping hand, that was just his nature, to want to help. But this, this was something that broke you even more.

-----

The first few weeks were rough.

Not hard, just rough.

The only way you could even describe Keigo was just numb.

His eyes were sunken, his hair a tattered mess. His face was droopy, the once perfect-looking man now sat alone in bed, looking as though he was almost near death.

And his scar.

It served as a perfect reminder of what had happened, a symbol of the pain Keigo had gone through. You knew what he felt when he saw it, you knew what he was probably thinking when he looked in the mirror to have the long stripe of red and pink looking back at him.

Yet, you pretended not to notice.

He would barely say anything to you, choosing instead, to be silent.

For the first few days, it was hard to get him out of bed, hard for him to even eat anything.

On most days you found yourself sitting alone when you ate, going on walks by yourself on the sandy beach, watching TV all alone.

You missed him, it was hard not to. But you knew that this was hardest on Keigo, so of course, you let him have all the time he needed. Letting him sulk and wallow in his self-pity, letting his feelings shroud him. You felt as though you had to, he had every right to feel this way.

But it was hard.

It was hard having Keigo sleep in the master bedroom while you slept all alone in the guest, it was hard to be so silent in the house, it was hard living with someone who was basically a ghost.

One day though, you found him crying.

You quickly ran over to him, scared that he had somehow hurt himself. But he didn’t, nothing had happened to him.

But he sat straight up in his bed, shaking like he was cold, his hands wrapped around something you couldn’t see.

“Keigo, honey?” you asked carefully as you stepped into the room, “Is everything ok hun?”

But it was like he couldn’t even hear you, whatever he was holding, it certainly had his attention.

You walked slowly over to him, reaching out to him, like he was a wounded animal, “Keigo? What is it?”

Finally, you managed to see what it was.

It was a picture of him, of him with his beautiful red wings, smiling at the camera in his hero outfit, with one hand giving a thumbs up and the other around your waist.

In comparison to the picture, you could barely tell it was Keigo anymore. With his sunken eyes and hollow cheekbones, the scar is a stripe of change.

“Keigo I-” you took a deep breath, what were you supposed to even say? How could you even console him? How could you help ease his pain?

You couldn’t.

So you just held him, held him in your arms, trying to hide your tears from him, so he wouldn’t see you hurting as well.

. . .

But one day, when you were sitting on the porch of your borrowed home, watching the waves hit the sandy beach below, watching the sun as it hit the horizon.

It was bitter-sweet, you were all alone, watching the beautiful sight without anyone to share it with.

You sighed, contemplating whether or not to go back inside, but then... Keigo came.

It startled you, you weren’t expecting him to come off his bed, much less to see you.

He sat down in the nice little chair that was right next to you.

He didn’t say anything for a good few moments, but then, all of a sudden he spoke.

“The ocean looks really pretty, I like...I like being here with you.”

You were shocked, to say the least. Keigo had barely acknowledged your presence during this time, he hadn’t spoken to you at all during these few weeks. So to hear him say that...

You damn near cried.

You had been holding in your anxiousness and, overall, depression of not having Keigo back to his regular self. It was hard, that much was certain, but still, he was going through such a difficult time, you had to be there for him.

You quickly brushed the tear that had feel from your eye, “I-I like being here with you too.”

----

After that, things were...different.

Keigo was a bit more clingy, although, maybe you should say protective.

You would go out on your walks and would come home to him being upset, asking where you were, and fussing about you going out.

“Well, what if something happened? Just stay here.”

You asked the doctors about that, they told you how some patients latched on to certain things or people after a traumatic event, most of the time clinging desperately to what they felt was the only thing they had left.

They told you his newfound desire to be near you could be a sign of him getting worse, or it could be a sign he was getting better.

The doctor told you it was much more likely that Keigo needed something to hang on to, a sort of attachment. And again, they told you Keigo needed to see a therapist, he had so much trauma after the battle that you probably wouldn’t be able to handle it.

You knew that you should listen and that you probably couldn’t deal with Keigo all on your own. But still, you wanted to move at Keigo's pace, and you knew he needed time.

. . .

The first night you and Keigo spent in the same bed after what had happened was...strange.

Although you two lived in the same little beach house for a month now, you two haven't slept next to one another, you weren’t sure Keigo was ready just yet.

And yet, he was the one who asked you.

It happened on a normal day, while you were making dinner when Keigo spoke.

“Hey...Y/N..” you turned back to him, giving him your full attention, “Could we….could we try sleeping together? I know...I know it’s been some time but-”

“Yes!” you hastily accepted, “I mean...only if you want to.”

And so, you found yourself curled up next to Keigo, feeling him cuddled up to you, which was nice of course, but his body felt stiff like it didn’t want to be close to you.

The whole experience was… different. Normally, Keigo would wrap his arms around you, holding you against him, holding you securely and tightly, like you knew he wouldn’t let you go.

But this, this was different, but you should have expected that by now. You should have known that, now, it was so unlikely that you would ever see the old version of Keigo again.

And then it was there again, that slap of guilt, that pang of hurt at your own thought. How could you think that? Keigo was hurting, and you were upset that he was in pain?

You bit your lip, quietly willing yourself not to cry.

------

Keigo’s mood swings would happen randomly, with no merit at all.

One moment, he was blindly looking at the TV, the next he would be offering to help with dinner, then the next he was screaming at you to add more pepper to the onions.

When his first outburst happened, you blamed yourself.

You had left Keigo for what only seemed like a moment, going outside to feel the air on your face, wanting to just get out of the stuffy little cottage.

You were just watching from the porch when you heard it.

The sound of glass shattering.

You whipped your head to the sound, to find it coming from inside.

You rushed inside, running towards the kitchen.

“Keigo!” you cried out.

You stopped at the doorway to the kitchen, looking down at Keigo on the floor.

A glass of some sort had broken in Keigo’s hand, from what you could tell. It seemed like he had gotten some of it stuck in his hand, blood dripped onto the floor, sticking to the hardwood floor.

Keigo just stared, his eyes the most lively you’ve seen them in weeks. He didn’t say anything, didn’t even acknowledge your presence, just staring at his hand, looking at the blood as it dripped...dripped...dripped.

And then, he screamed.

It was so loud and so unexpected you quickly covered your ears, trying to block out the head-splitting sound.

When you finally regained your composure, you rushed down to Keigo's side, trying your best to help him.

But Keigo shoved you away.

“No! Stop! Go away! I-I don’t wanna hurt anymore! Stop it, leave me alone!” he scooted away from you, holding out his palms, trying to make you leave.

But you wouldn’t.

Slowly, you spoke, “Keigo, I need to help you, ok? I’m not here to hurt you, baby, I’m Y/N, I love you.”

You inched closer and closer as Keigo hiccuped and sniffed.

“Stop it! Don’t c-come any closer!”

You stilled, only for a moment. Then, you moved forward again.

“Honey, I have to clean your wound, please baby.”

Keigo’s breath still raged, but he let you come closer.

Before you even looked at the wound on his hand, you gave him a light kiss on the cheek. Keigo was shocked, flinching a bit at first.

You carefully picked up his hand, observing it lightly. The glass pricked his hand, but the overall damage wasn’t all that bad, it might have been worse if you hadn’t rushed to him.

You took a deep breath, “Keigo, I’m gonna need to remove the glass-”

But Keigo cut you off, “No no no no no, please. Please, I don’t wanna get hurt again. Please.”

“Keigo,” you stroked your cheek lightly, “it’s ok, it’s me, it’s Y/N.”

You purse your lips, thinking for a moment, “Remember when I got that splinter from the hardwood at that crummy hot spring? And remember how you had to pull it out? And remember how scared I was?”

He thought for a moment as if the memory was buried deep inside him, a lifetime ago. He nodded, tears still running down his face.

“It’s gonna be like that, ok? Quick, and I’ll be right there with you, just like you were for me.”

After a moment, Keigo nodded.

You made quick work of the glass, helping Keigo through the little whimpers and hiccups he let out.

Keigo was never like this before, never fighting over glass in his hand, he was a hero, he dealt with pain daily. But this Keigo was beyond damaged. He was ripped in half, put through more pain than you would ever understand, the mental strain of that had to be so much, it had to weigh on him.

The thought only made your resolve stronger, only made your need to see Keigo get better that much more secure.

After you had bandaged his hand, kissing his knuckles and wrist softly in order to calm him down, you noticed how exhausted he was.

“Do you wanna go and take a nap, Kei?”

He nodded.

You walked him to the room, helping him to bed.

You planted a small kiss on his lips before moving away to leave.

But Keigo caught the fabric of your shirt, pulling on it lightly, “Wait.”

You turned back to face him, “Yeah. what's up Kei?”

“Um, could you...join me?”

Your body perked up. This was one of the first times he had seemed...needy for contact with you. Sure, he still slept next to you, but you figured that was mainly due to some comfortability. But the way Keigo was looking at you right now? His eyes softened with desperation, his body, while still heavy with drowsiness, had enough strength to pull you to him. He seemed to genuinely want you to stay.

You smiled, a real, genuine smile, “Of course I can Keigo.”

You slid into the spot next to him, and Keigo had his arms immediately around your waist, pulling you flush against him. His face nuzzled softly into your neck, his whole body trapping you in a needed embrace.

You played with his hair, giving yourself a mental note that you needed to wash it and brush it out later.

That's when you heard the sniffling in your neck.

“Kei,” you said gently, “what’s wrong?”

It took a few labored breaths for Keigo to respond, “I’m sorry.”

At first, you were confused. What did Keigo have to be sorry about? He had done nothing wrong to you, he hadn’t said anything bad to you, the most he had really done was worry you. But he continued.

“I’m sorry for being so weak, for letting myself get like this, it’s all my fault. And I’m sorry I’m a burden for you, I know how much you loved me, how much you loved being with a strong hero,” he took another shaky breath before continuing, “But I can't. I can’t do it anymore. It hurts so bad. And now, no one wants me. I’m a failure, they’re right,” Keigo squeezed you tighter as if you would leave him too, “I’m a false hero. I failed everyone, the commission, my friends, Tokoyami. And you,” he looked back up at you, “why are you even here? I’m useless now, why can’t you see that? Why won’t you just leave? It would be better for you.”

You hadn’t even realized you had been crying before you felt how shaky your voice was, “No. Keigo that’s not true, I love-”

But he cut you off, “No!” he bolted upright, “Stop it! Stop it Y/N! I’m not who you love, that Keigo is dead and gone, look at me! I’m a shell of who he was, I’m the failure he left behind! Christ Y/N, I fucking broke down because I had fucking glass in my hand!”

He cupped his ears, seemingly trying to block out some sort of noise that you couldn’t even hear. Rocking back and forth lightly, his bandaged hand squeezing hard on his left ear.

“Keigo stop it,” you tried to get his hand away, “you're going to hurt yourself!”

After fighting him for a moment, you finally got him to put his hands down. You pulled him to you, placing his head on your chest as you calmed him down.

“Kei,” you said after a long stretch of silence, “I love you, and I’m not leaving you.”

Keigo hiccuped, “B-but.”

You shushed him, “No but’s. I’m here to stay, it’ll be hard, I know that, but I can’t leave you.”

For the first time in God now’s how long, Keigo reached up and kissed you.

It wasn’t a light, small little peck either, it was a sloppy, desired-filled kiss. You were shocked at first, seeing as how he was yelling at you a second ago, but you let yourself indulge a bit. You craved Keigo, missed his lips, his strong, protective hands that run up your body, you just missed him really.

Your hand moved down to his chest, pulling him deeper. His hands grabbed onto your hips, pulling you more in.

His teeth clashed against yours, and maybe it was because you two haven't done this in so long, or it was because neither of you cared.

You couldn’t help but let out a small moan as Keigo pushed more against you, pushing you near the head of the bed.

After a few moments of the kiss, you pulled away.

“Please,” Keigo whispered lightly, “Please don’t leave me.”

------

After that, the situation with you and Keigo became so much more complicated.

Keigo would become so irritable, that you had to stand outside for hours just for him to calm down.

But the worst was when he acted so apologetic afterward, saying his, “I’m sorry”’s over and over again, sputtering about how he would, “do better.”

Of course, you felt like absolute shit, wanting to scream, to cry, to leave even. But you couldn’t. Keigo was in so much pain, you had to be strong now, you had to be there for him like he had been for you. You shoved down your tears, fighting the urge to scream and cry, waiting out your feelings.

Was it a bad coping mechanism? Yes. But you already felt so useless, you didn’t want to be a burden too.

For a while, you had hoped that he would help himself get better, you had hoped that he really was trying to get better and understand how to help himself more, but as time went on, you saw how naive you were.

You realized that Keigo was almost beyond repair, some days he would be silently upset, not talking or saying anything. While others you could hear it in his voice.

While some days you came into your shared room to see him curled up on the bed, crying and whimpering. And then there was you, unable to help, unable to tell him how, “it would be ok,” how, “I’m here for you, Kei.”

Because you knew he wouldn’t listen.

And yet, he would never yell at you, never scream or degrade you, he would only seem to be mad at...himself.

Yet, it was strange, because he seemed to grow more and more protective of you.

If you were to leave the house, he would become upset, saying how; “You could have gotten hurt, next time either take me with you or stay...please.”

It was strange how he always asked, how he never demanded.

But today, today was different.

You had noticed that Keigo was especially irritable, so you decided to just stay out of his way. Deciding to work on meal prep, because of Keigo’s accident the doctors told you to watch his meals carefully, making sure he eats a well-balanced meal each and every day.

Maybe Keigo would calm down, maybe today could still be ok, maybe you could salvage the day and make it a good one.

But that was before the broadcast.

. . .

You were outside that day, watching as the sun showned on the ocean.

You wished silently that Keigo could have enough strength to come out and see it with you. Yet, you didn’t push him.

Keigo, on the other hand, was watching some TV. Well, "watch" was a strong word. Keigo’s eyes were far off again, You never asked him what he was thinking about, but you knew it had to be something but what happened.

As you watch the waves crash against the shore, and the sun slowly sets, that's when it happened.

The broadcast.

At first, the broadcast was only just a news reporter talking about how; “us as a society must look forward, through these dark times.” Talking about the loss of certain Hero’s and civilians alike.

but the segment right after that, that's what sent Hawks into his spiral.

“And now, what has happened to the pro hero known as Hawks? And I posed a question to all of our viewers out there, should he be forgiven? Can a man who ruthlessly killed someone, even a villain, be considered a hero?”

You weren't there when the news reporter posed the question, you were only there for the aftermath.

At first, Keigo was in shock, and then, his outburst happened.

It was the worst outburst since the accident. He was screaming, yelling, hitting anything, he just needed some way to get his anger out.

When you heard the commotion, you immediately ran inside, worried that something may have hurt him. But as you went inside, you realized that there was nothing wrong, at least not from what you could see. But to Keigo, everything was wrong.

When you came in, all you could hear was yelling, “What was it all for?! I just...I just wanted to help!”

You were stunted into silence, only being able to watch from afar.

It was like you couldn’t move, your body glued down to the floor, unable to help Keigo.

And then, he hit the TV, hard.

And that's when you finally spoke.

“Keigo stop!”

You rushed forward, grabbing his arm from hitting the wall.

You latched on to him, “Keigo please, please honey just calm-”

But it was too late, and before you knew what was happening, Keigo had thrown you on the ground.

You landed on your hands, cushioning your fall, but that didn’t mean it hurt.

For a moment, everything was still, everything was silent. Keigo wasn’t yelling, he wasn't screaming, and when you looked back up, the only thing you saw was true horror and guilt.

You panted lightly, your eyes blown wide as you stared back up at Keigo.

“...Y/N-”

What was he to say?

He didn’t know.

“K-Keigo,” you were at a complete loss for words.

After a few more minutes, you stood back up. You took one, shaky breath, before you spoke.

“Keigo, I’m sorry. I-I...I can’t do this right now. It’s just… this is all too much for me right now. I think I need to clear my head.”

You moved past him, not even looking him in the eye. How could you? Your mind was a mess, a thousand thoughts jumbled through your brain.

You opened the door quickly, taking your car keys before you left, refusing to look back.

----

The ocean waves looked stunning in the sunlight, it might have been the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen.

At least, you would have if the tears in your eyes weren’t blocking out your vision.

And your head wouldn’t stop spinning. Was Keigo ok? Should you go back? Could you even go back? What would you even say to him?

No matter how hard you tried to convince yourself that leaving Keigo behind was for the best, that you two just needed to be away from each other, you felt like your heart was being slowly stabbed through with needles, one for every second away.

You sniffed, wiping away your tears with the back of your palm.

There had to be a way Keigo could get better, some way you could help. But every thought eluded you, how could you help someone so far gone?

You thought back to the doctor's suggestion of getting a therapist, maybe it was time. Keigo was getting too out of hand for you, and as much as you loved him, you knew that this was hurting him as much as you.

A sigh escaped your lips, why did this have to be so difficult?

And that thought came to you again.

Why couldn’t he just be himself again?

You shivered at your own selfish, hurtful thoughts. Keigo was still him, he just needed help, and thinking about how much you wanted the old him back wasn’t going to help him or you. And it wasn’t fair either, to expect that after what happened he would just be fine.

You knew you would always be there for him, but you supposed you didn’t think it would be this hard.

You placed your face in your hands.

How the hell could you help him? You felt as though Keigo was on the edge of a mountain, and you were the only thing he could grab onto, but now, he was pulling you down with him.

A small, shaky sigh escaped you.

Crunch, crunch.

Footsteps. Fast approaching, almost running.

You cocked your head up, preparing to be kicked off whoever's land that you were on (considering how you just decided to drive to the middle of nowhere).

“Oh, I’m sorry. I thought that this was public-”

But you stopped mid-sentence.

There stood Keigo, tears streamed down his cheeks, his panting breaths and sweat glistening from his body must have meant he came all the way out here on foot.

Your eyes widened in surprise, but before you could get a word in, Keigo had bent down to you.

“Are you hurt?”

You shook your head, still in shock, “N-no.”

He sighed, but his face concentrated like he was thinking too hard, “I’m sorry.” and then, a long, silent pause, “I don’t...I don’t know what else to say.”

“...I don’t either,” you looked back up at him again. “You could have really hurt me, and I just don’t know how to deal with all this. I don’t know how to deal with...you.”

Keigo flinched, the implications of your words stung.

“It’s just...I want to be there for you, I really do, but it’s so hard,” you looked down tears threatening to escape, “I love you s-so much, b-but,” a silent hiccup went through you, “I don’t know how to help anymore.”

Keigo stayed silent, his words trapped under his tongue. He also didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know what to say. He wanted to help himself too, but he knew deep down he couldn’t. He didn’t know how. But he hated what he was doing to you, he hated what he was making you go through.

“Keigo,” he looked back up at you, “Do you still love me?”

Keigo stared wide-eyed back to you, his words at a loss. “I- of course, I do Y/N-”

“Then why don’t you say it?”

He paused, “...What do you mean?”

You sighed, “Have you noticed that ever since what happened, you’ve not been able to say ‘I love you,' to me? Because I have. Each morning I wake up, and I always say, ‘good morning Kei, I love you,’ and you never say it back. It feels like I’m just invisible to you. I don’t want to look at you as something to fix, or as something to make me feel miserable, but I can’t live with someone who just sees me like a ghost.”

It took a while before Keigo finally responded.

“I don’t see you as a ghost,” he said, his voice as low as a whisper, “it’s that I see me as the ghost. I lost...I lost a big part of me in that fight.”

Subconsciously, he reaches back to his used-to-be wings, his fingers flinching when nothing is there.

“Keigo, you are not your wings.”

“How can you say that when everything I was...was built off of them?”

You leaned forward, a hand placed lightly on his cheek, “Your wings did not build our relationship, we did. And we still have each other. Your wings were never the reason I loved you, your wings were always just a part of you, they were never you.”

Keigo looked back at you, placing a hand on top of yours. After a few, dragged-out moments, Keigo leaned into you. But not before whispering lightly on your lips, “I do love you, Y/N.”

. . .

Things were hard, but they were better.

It had been three weeks since the accident that happened with you and Keigo. He agreed to go to a therapist, after what happened with you two, he wanted to get help.

What neither you nor he expected though, was for his therapist to also recommend you get help as well.

In his words; “After understanding the stress that Mr. Takami has gone through, as well the details that he has shared with me, I believe that it is necessary for you to also have some sort of mental treatment. Keigo was not in the right state of mind for a very long time, and you were the only person here to look after him. I believe you first need to talk about your problems separately and then move on to couples therapy. Some of the actions Mr. Takami has put you through may have had negative effects on your psyche.”

Although that was a shock to you, Keigo visibly became more saddened after that.

After the conversation with the therapist, Keigo even offered to move out of your shared room.

“If- if you’re uncomfortable with me being here, I can take the spare room.”

You only shook your head no, saying, “I’m not uncomfortable sleeping next to you, Kei, we’re in this together.”

And you were.

Keigo went to his therapist, as did you. At first, you weren’t sure, seeing as Keigo and you would see the same person and how that may make a conflict of interest, but he assured you that Keigo dealt with trauma relating to his fight, as did you of course, but your trauma and anxiety was more based upon him.

So, you made it work.

After a while of one-on-one counseling, you moved to couples therapy.

It was hard, mostly for Keigo, because he didn’t want to admit to himself, or you, that he had hurt you as much as he did.

So, you opened first.

You talked about how scared you were of losing Keigo, not just physically but mentally, how it hurt you that some days he wouldn’t talk to you. You even opened up about missing the old him.

It seemed like when you first opened your mouth, everything just came pouring out.

And so, after you explained your side, slowly, Keigo started to explain his.

He explained how he didn’t want to hurt you, but how he just couldn’t help himself in that moment. He felt like everyone was turning on him, abandoning him, he thought it was only a matter of time before you. And he couldn’t handle how that thought chased him, his mind just became so jumbled and uncertain.

But he wanted to get better, to show you the man you deserved.

Soon, you came to realize how your relationship would never be the same since that day, how you had lost a part of Keigo, and how Keigo had lost a part of himself. And that part, that part split you two, like a deep cut, and now you two had to sew it back together, and you both knew it would be hard.

Losing that part of your life took time, it took practice and understanding, it took watching Keigo wake up in a nightmare, watching as he screamed and all you could do was hush him and stroke his cheek softly as you told him how you were there, even as tears slipped down your cheeks as well.

But you let them, you let yourself show him that you were sharing the pain, that you were together in this.

Keigo was hurting, you knew that, but as your therapist told you; “You are grieving, grieving for that Keigo that died in that battle, and not only are you grieving, you are also trying your best to take care of someone who was already so broken that now they might as well be shards of the vase they once were.”

But that didn’t stop you from explaining how you felt selfish and terrible, how you felt like you were a bad person for feeling upset, for wanting Keigo to go back to you.

After each therapy session, you two would go out and sit on the porch, not doing or saying anything, because you both realized you had said plenty before.

. . .

After a year since then, things had gotten significantly better.

Keigo and you understood the inner workings of your relationship, not only that, you both understand each other a lot better. Understanding how you both needed one another, how you two could only grow to help each other.

Almost a year has passed since the incident with Dabi, a year since Keigo “lost” his wings.

But his wings were back, and he was back.

Although, maybe not fully.

Keigo was almost like a different vision of himself, a more, down to earth, real version of who he was.

Maybe, it was the person he always was, but just never could show it.

With you, he was the most caring he’s ever been.

Watching as you fell asleep in his arms, creasing your body oh-so-perfectly as he kissed you deeply, his sing-song praises in your ear. He loved you so much.

And you, you helped him grow as well. Being there for him, watching him, helping him.

You never left him, you carried out your promise to yourself, keeping him with you no matter what. You loved him so much, and you were so happy to see how he healed.

And here you both were, Watching as the sunset, as the ocean waves tied down, the sun Illuminating the water passing over.

You watched as Keigo’s eyes lit up in the bright light, his scar’s still reflecting the hard past that he's been through, and yet, reminding you how lucky you are.

At that moment you leaned in, giving him a light peck on his cheek.

Keigo turned to you, before laughing, “Why did you do that?"

"Because... I just realized how lucky I am to have you. Thank you, Keigo.”

"There's no need to thank me, dove," he said, kissing you as well "I'll always love you, and I always will be thankful that I have you as well."

[hockeyboysimagines]

All good boys go to Heaven, but bad boys bring Heaven to you.

Chapter 9

Warnings: Language, some angst, some fluff.

Okay third time is supposed to be a charm. Tumblr said they fixed the problem so my things should appear in the tags again. Hopefully it’s actually fixed this time and I can start posting again. One more chapter after this! Then I’ll start working on PLD, Carter and Ashes and Wine! Let me know what you think!!!

Just imagine being on the other end of this look. Sheesh🥵🥵

“Hows our girl doing?”

Matt turned to find Johnny had taken the seat next to him in the locker room. Word had spread through the team about what had happened to Hallie. While it was awesome to be a part of an organization that really cared about him and his personal life, he didn’t want to talk about it anymore. He’d barely slept and he was playing like shit, but he couldn’t get any rest until she was awake and okay, and he knew for sure if she hated him or not. He was emotionally and mentally drained and he wasn’t sure how much more he could take.

“She hasn’t woken up yet.” His voice cracked at the end. It had been awful to find her that way, and even worse that the last time he’d seen her they’d been fighting. Johnny put a hand on his shoulder and gave it a pat.

“She’s gonna pull through this Chucky. She’s tough. Before you know it she’ll be back to yelling at you for doing something dumb. You’ll see.” He smiled for the first time in almost a week, something Johnny had always been good at doing.

“You heading there later?”

“Yeah probably. My mom went to check on her this morning, and Carly is there now. My parents are heading out tomorrow and my mom wanted to check in before they left.”

“Tell you what. Go have dinner with your parents before they leave, and I’ll go sit with her for a little bit.”

“Johnny I-“

“Come on man. You haven’t seen them in months. I don’t mind.”

He was right, it had been months and it would be months. He had been so consumed with what had happened he hadn’t realized how fast the week had gone. He’d struggled to talk about it at first, but the more time she spent asleep the more things started to come out.

“This isn’t your fault Matthew.”

“Then why do I feel so bad.”

His dad sighed “Because you love her. But this should be a lesson, and when that girl wakes up you need to do everything in your power to fix this.”

He took those words to heart.

That had been 6 days ago, and there was no change since then. She’d taken a nasty blow to the head, which is where all of the blood came from, and no one really knew how long she’d been on the floor. He shivered at the memory.

“Well. Deal? I promise if anything changes I’ll call you.”

He hesitated before he nodded “Okay. Thanks. But if anything happens-“

“I promise I’ll call you first.”

*********

“ Excuse me Doctor?”

Hallie’s doctor turned and smiled at Carly.

“Yes?”

“I’m just wondering if there’s been any changes or anything? It’s been over a week now…” Carly stopped talking, lip trembling. The doctor nodded understandingly.

“This must be so hard on you all. I wish I had better news but her condition is the same. Good news is her vitals are strong, and it doesn’t appear the fall did too much damage but we’ll have to run some tests when she wakes up. Keep your head up.”

Cary nodded. This whole thing had been hard on her and Jay, and the guys in the team. But it had ravaged Matthew. It was now that Carly realized how much he really loved her. She had been so pissed at him when she slapped him, but the love they shared for Hallie had brought them back to being friends. She fired off a quick group text.

No changes.

Her phone rang a moment later. It was Matt.

“Hey. Uhm. Johnny is gonna sit with her for a bit tonight. My parents are leaving town tomorrow so I’m gonna have dinner with them.”

“I think that’s a great idea. You should spend some time with them before they head back to St.Louis. I’ll stay till he gets here.”

“Yeah….”

“Matty it’s okay. Spend time with your parents. That’s what Hallie would say.”

She heard a sniffle on the other end before he cleared his throat “Yeah your right. But she’d probably yell it at me.” And then he chuckled, for the first time in a week.

The sound warmed her heart.

“Alright I’m gonna head home. He should be there within the hour. Talk later. Bye Car.”

He hung up and Carly sighed. She picked up the folder sitting on the tray table in the hospital room and flipped it open. She absently read through the papers when something caught her eye.

*********

Johnny had busied himself with watching NHL network, social media surfing, and now was sitting in the chair trying not to look at her.

He had really come to love Hallie in the past few months and to see her pale, and hooked up to a bunch of machines…it was too much. It had been hard on the whole group, each for different reasons. He was startled from his thoughts however when Jay opened the door.

“Hey. What are you doing here?”

“I can’t sit in my apartment anymore. I figured I’d pop in and check on her. How’s she doing?”

“Same as last week as far as I know.”

“How’s Matt?”

Johnny shook his head “Not doing well. His parents are leaving town tomorrow so he’s at dinner with them now.”

“Good good. He needs to spend some time away from here. Carly said he’s been here every night.”

“This hit him really hard. We all-“

A soft breath that turned into a loud breath interrupted them. Goosebumps erupted across a Johnny’s skin as he watched Hallies eyes open once, twice, three times before they closed again.

“Doctor!” Jay yanked the door open and bolted down the hall calling for a doctor.

Hallie looked confused and the alarmed when she saw she wasn’t at home.

“Hey hey hey.” She turned to him eyes softening and tried to pick her head up “Don’t do that. Relax.”

“Where am I?” She closed her eyes again, wincing in pain.

“Your at the hospital. You hit your head. You’ve been out for a week.”

He could see she was struggling to put his words together in a way that made sense. The doctor and several nurses came in and ushered him and Jay from the room so she could speak with Hallie privately.

“I’m gonna call Chucky.”

*********

It had been nice to spend time with his parents. He found himself smiling and laughing a few times and the tension that had been settled in his bones for the last week wasn’t as heavy.

His phone rang at 6:45 pm as he and his parents were getting in the car to head home.

“Chucky. She’s awake.”

A rush of adrenaline surged through him and he quickly hung up before turning to his parents. He fumbled with his words for a few moments before his mom laid a hand on his arm.

“Calm down, what is it?”

“Hallie’s awake. I need-“ he turned this way and that looking for his keys.

“Matthew honey the keys are in your hand. Come on. We’re coming with you.”

**********

“How are you feeling? Doing okay?” The nurse asked leaning down to look Hallie in the eyes. She nodded and closed her eyes slowly.

“I’m just so tired.”

“That’s normal honey. You took a nasty spill we heard.”

She looked at Johnny, who nodded “It was.”

“Who brought me here?”

“The ambulance, but Chucky found you.”

She closed her eyes again. It was hazy, and some of it was completely gone, but she did remember feeling sick. After that it was a blank.

“That boy has been here every day and night.” The nurse said, one hand on her hip.

“What boy?”

“That cute one with the curls. If he’s not your boyfriend he definitely should be.” Johnny laughed and smiled “There will be no stopping him now.”

Carly arrived two seconds later, Noah in tow. They cried and they hugged and cried some more.

“Are you okay? I’m so sorry I wasn’t there-“

“It’s fine Car. I’m fine really.” Hallie had a raging headache and felt stiff all over. If she hasn’t been so exhausted she would have immediately asked for a shower but she wasn’t sure she would make it through one anyways. The nurse left, telling her she’d be back to check in her in an hour, and Carly turned to her. She looked awful, Jay too, like they hadn’t been sleeping.

“I’m so glad your okay babe.” Carly said sitting on the end of her bed. Noah was smiling encouragingly from his chair.

“We really have been so worried. All of us.”

Hallie smiled softly and closed her eyes “I love you guys.”

There was a large commotion at the door as Matthew came charging in the room stopping in the doorway. His eyes were huge, cheeks red like he’d ran up the stairs to get there. Hallie turned her head, took one look at him and big fat tears began to roll down her cheeks.

“Matty I’m so sorry.” She cried, reaching a hand out. She couldn’t move her neck and the tears burned her tired eyes but she was so overcome with emotion she couldn’t stop them.

“Sorry for what? I’m sorry. Don’t Hal. I’m just so glad your okay.” He fell into the chair next to her, and gripped her hand. Carly covered her mouth and swiped at a tear, and Chantal was holding her heart.

“Let’s give them some privacy.” Noah said ushering everyone from the room. He pulled her hand up to his mouth and kissed it.

“Are you okay?”

She nodded and let out a raspy breath before she spoke “What happened to me?”

“I don’t know. You went to lunch with my mom and then no one could get a hold of you. Do you remember?”

She shook her head “The whole day is kind of a blur. I just remember feeling sick.”

“Jay called me and said he was trying to call and you weren’t answering. So I came to check on you and found-“ he shook his head and took a deep breath “You must have passed out and hit your head. I found you in the bathroom.”

She reached up and gingerly touched the bandage on her head “I don’t remember anything.”

“It was awful, finding you that way. But what matters is your okay. You are okay right?”

“I think so. I’m tired, but I wanna see everyone.” She reached out to hold his hand “But before they come back. When I get out of here, can we fix all this?” She was crying again, but she was looking at him so hopefully he smiled.

“Yes Hal. We can fix everything. It’s gonna be fine I promise.” She nodded and closed her eyes with a small smile.

When their friends rejoined them, Keith and Chantal included, they filled in the blanks of her memory. The more they told her the more things started to come back.

“I’m just not sure what made me so sick.”

“When I got to your apartment, your door was unlocked. I thought maybe Ryan-“

“No. I think your right hook sent the message pretty clearly.”

They laughed before Chantal spoke “You seemed fine when I dropped you off, food poisoning maybe?”

“Maybe. The doctor said they were gonna do some more tests so maybe they can give me the answer.”

She made eye contact with Carly, who was giving her a strange look. She furrowed her eyebrows and Carly shrugged.

Weird.

Everyone filtered home after a while. Keith and Chantal would come see her on the way to the airport the next day, and Carly would be there in the afternoon while the guys had practice and tape review. She said goodnight to them.

“I’m gonna take my parents home and then I’ll come back.”

“Matty you look like you haven’t slept in a week. I’m okay here-“ but he was shaking his head.

“No way. Im coming back.” She smiled but rolled her eyes. His face lit up.

“There’s the Hallie I know. I’ll be back soon.”

She smiled and closed her eyes, and was sound asleep before they even made it down the hallway.

**********

Keith and Chantal’s morning visit had been so pleasant. Hallie had been up early and the morning nurse helped her take a shower and she felt so much better. They had invited her to St.Louis that summer, provided she could take time off work, and made her promise to keep in touch. They sent her well wishes from Brady and Taryn before they left, and then it was just her and Carly.

“Your doctor is on her way in here.”

“Your acting weird.”

Carly was looking at her strangely and they stared at each other for a minute before the doctor poked her head in the room.

“You look much better.” She had a Manila folder in her hand and she flipped it open “We have some answers as to what caused your fall. Did you want to discuss it now or-?” She looked between her and Carly before Hallie spoke.

“She can stay.”

The doctor nodded and shut the door before she sat down.

“Well for starters we are so glad that your okay. We’re still trying to figure out exactly what caused you to pass out, but after what I’ve heard I’m pretty positive in saying this is stress and alcohol related. In this instance the two didn’t mix. However we ran some blood work and it would appear that your pregnant.”

The words hit Hallie like a smack to the face. How? They’d been so careful, and had done everything to prevent it. But now everything started to make sense. The nausea, which she’d attributed to the Allie situation, the emotions, the fatigue. All of the signs had coincided with the drama of her relationship and she hadn’t thought in a million years she was pregnant.

But she was.

Carly reached over and grabbed her hand squeezing it.

“I’m- im pregnant? Are you sure?”

“Positive. Your blood work looks excellent and as far as I can see your 6 weeks into a healthy pregnancy. You’ll need to schedule an ultrasound before you go. I have some pamphlets here for you to take a look at, and some paperwork to review and sign. I have to ask, will the father be present? It’s important to discuss decisions together and be a United front during this time. Some women struggle more than others.”

“I don’t-“

“I’m assuming that boy that’s been living here the past few days is involved. Why don’t you take some time to digest all this and we can talk tomorrow. You’ve had a lot of info thrown at you. But I must tell you, in all the years I’ve worked here I’ve never seen someone have as much support as you. Your very lucky.”

Hallie smiled and squeezed Carly’s hand back “I am.”

The doctor left them and Carly turned to find her crying “Hal. Your gonna be a mom. Are you happy?”

Hallie nodded tearfully “I’m so scared Car. What if he isn’t happy?”

“Are you kidding? He’s gonna be ecstatic. Come here.” Carly situated herself on the bed and wrapped an arm around her shoulders “He loves you. So much. He’s gonna be so excited. You’ll see.”

**********

Hallie came home 4 days later, still tired and on strict bed rest but she was so glad to be home. There was flowers, and gift baskets and cards all over her counters.

“What is all this?”

“Some of from your neighbors, some from coworkers and some from the Calgary Flames.” He set her stuff down and turned to her “I think you should lay down for a while. Get some rest.”

“I’ve been laying down for a week. I just want to spend some time awake.” She was nervous. She hadn’t told him yet, but this was her moment. She’d had an ultrasound 2 days prior in the hospital and had hidden the pictures in her pocket in a white envelope.

“Where’s your instructions from your doctor? I want to read them.”

Now.

She pulled the envelope from her pocket and handed it to him. He was distracted as he opened it, mumbling stuff to himself as he eyed the meds on the counter making sure they were all there. But he frowned when he looked in the envelope.

“What is-?” He pulled them out and looked at them for several seconds and then at her and then back to the photos.

“Is this? Are you-?”

“I’m pregnant Matty.”

His face went from confused, to shocked, to happy, to the most excited she’d ever seen him.

“I’m- I’m gonna be a dad?” She nodded and swept at a tear coming from her eye. He pulled her in and hugged her tightly.

“Are you happy?” She asked against his neck.

“I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I love you Hal.”

“I love you too Matty.”

*********

“Gather round Gather round.”

It was one month later and the night before another Ottawa v Calgary game, in Calgary. The Tkachuks were in town with some family she hadn’t met yet, and they had arranged for everyone, his teammates, Brady and some players from Ottawa to meet for dinner and drinks. She, Matthew, Carly and now Jay were the only ones in on the secret. Matthew had decided now was the only time in the near future they would all be together so he was doing it now.

He was dinging a fork on the neck of his beer bottle trying to get everyone to pay attention but they only stopped talking when he very loudly said “Hey! Shut up!”

When they all quieted he cleared his throat “Thank you. Now first I just wanna say thanks everyone for coming, and thanks for all your support. You were all there for us, and we both really appreciate it.” He pulled Hallie closer and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. She smiled but looked confused.

“Which brings me to my second part of the evening.” He was smiling mischievously.

“Matty I-“

“Now relax Hal, I’m not gonna tell them your pregnant-“

A low hush went around the room and mouths fell open.

“I’m just gonna tell them that I’m gonna be a dad!”

Everyone immediately started screaming and crying. Keith and Chantal were elated to find out they were going to be grandparents, Carly was calling dibs on godmother and Brady and Taryn were already arguing over who was going to be a bigger bad influence.

Hallie rubbed her stomach absently, knowing that somewhere in there, there was a life that was just beginning. A little boy or girl, hopefully with Matthew’s curls and her big blue eyes. She smiled, feeling for the first time in her life truly at peace. She had made a life here, with beautiful people in a beautiful place. She finally got what she’d been chasing all these years. Matthew smiled at her from across the room. They would do this together, every step of the way, no matter what happened, no matter who tried to come between them.

Forever had only just begun.

[brunetteeras]

Unexpected - Cillian Murphy (Oneshot)

A/N: In which a visit to the doctor brings some unexpected news for Y/N and Cillian.

Cillian had proposed to you almost 4 months ago, but you both decided to not rush the wedding planning. With him filming Peaky Blinders, things were a bit hectic, but you were more than happy to wait a bit longer if it meant having the perfect wedding. However, it seemed fate was going to mess up your plans.

For the past two weeks, you had been feeling ill.

"Love, you've slept in almost every day this week, are you sure you're feeling alright?" Cillian asks, kneeling by your side of the bed, brushing strands of hair out of your eyes. It was almost 10am, and you still hadn't gotten up. After living with Cillian for so long, you adapted to his early morning habits and were typically awake by 7.

"I just haven't been feeling good lately", you shrug off.

Truth be told, you had been waking up in the middle of the night with the urge to throw up. And so you did, quietly, in the bathroom down the hall as to not wake Cillian.

"Do you think you should go to the doctor?" He suggests.

You nodded reluctantly, "I guess, this has been going on for a while."

He handed you your phone off the bedside table. You quickly found your doctor's number and called, seeing if she had any availability that day.

Luckily, she had an appointment at 1:00, and Cillian pulled you out of bed to shower and get dressed.

You had to go alone, unfortunately. Cillian had a meeting to discuss an upcoming movie, although he offered to cancel his meeting to go with you.

"It's probably just a bug, no need to cancel your meeting for me", you hushed his protests.

"Okay, but as soon as you know what is going on I want you to call me so I know you're okay," he said sternly.

You kissed his cheek softly, easing his worries, "I promise."

At the doctor's, you explained your symptoms of nausea, throwing up, and an all-over aching feeling in your body.

"You're sexually active?" she asks.

You nodded, blushing like a teenage girl does when they are asked this for the first time.

"I'm not positive, but I want to do a pregnancy test, just to be sure."

You felt your stomach drop, bubbling anxiety rising within you at the thought of possibly being pregnant.

She guided you to the bathroom and instructed you on taking the test, which was really just peeing in a cup. You did as you were told, and went back to the check-up room you were in prior.

You waited what felt like an hour but really was only 15 minutes. Your heart was pounding out of your chest.

A soft knock came at the door, and she stepped back inside. She didn't say anything yet, which scared you more. She sat down in the chair across from you.

"So, the test came back positive. You're pregnant."

You ignored Cillian's instructions to call him right after you left. You sat in your car in the parking lot, still and barely breathing, tears falling from swollen eyes.

You didn't know what to feel.

Som you drove home, hands trembling from fear of having to tell Cillian about this. You sat on the couch, legs crossed underneath you.

"Y/N?" You heard the front door opening and Cillian calling out to you, but you didn't respond.

He found you moments later, sat in the living room.

"Love, what'd the doctor say?"

He sat down next to you, grabbing your hands. He awaited your answer, probably expecting you to say you had a stomach bug or a cold. But instead, you said nothing at first, and then looked up to him.

"I'm pregnant."

Cillian froze like you had done, his hands going limp in yours.

He blinked rapidly, looking down at the floor, then back to you. He looked stunned.

"I'm sorry, Cillian, it's my fault. I know we talked about not having kids yet and I should have been better at keeping up with my birth control, I didn't even kn-" he pressed his lips to yours, cutting you off.

"No don't start with that. This is as much my fault, there's no blame here, love."

You fell into his side, letting your head rest in the crook of his neck. His arms wrapped around you, rubbing up and down your arm.

You looked up at him, "Are you ready to be a parent?"

He laughed a bit, "I can be in the next 9 months."

You smile half-heartedly, as more tears fell from your eyes, "I think I can be ready by then too."

He smiled, kissing your lips with such force and passion, "we're gonna be parents then?"

You nodded, "Yeah, we're gonna be parents."

Suddenly, the moment had shifted from sorrow to joy, knowing you could do this as long as it was together.