#i came out as trans to my parents about 2 months ago

[viiinz]

rant incoming, see prev post (transphobia tw)

[dykeinthedark]

venting in tags about gender n shit (long as hell) (u can comment and talk 2 me as always :3)

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Aaron Kimberly

Published: Dec 18, 2021

Between 1995-2006 I was a part of the butch lesbian community. During those years, despite my life-long and sometimes intense gender dysphoria, I hadn’t given any serious thought to medically transitioning. It wasn’t even on my radar as a possibility until after 2000. The idea of medically transitioning seemed fringe, far-fetched, and risky.

Most of the butches I knew also had gender dysphoria (GD) or rather, Gender Identity Disorder (GID), as it was called then. Many butches I knew in Winnipeg, Halifax, Toronto, and later Vancouver, were strong, stoic people. I admired many of them. I know that their lives weren’t always easy, but they carried themselves with dignity. They had butch “brotherhood” and femmes who adored them. Many were “stone” which meant that their GID made it difficult for them to relate to their female anatomy so didn’t allow themselves to be touched by anyone, or rarely. They were often harassed and abused for being masculine women, as I was. It was often stressful using female public washrooms, because our gender ambiguity made people so uncomfortable. There was a term “butch bladder” to reference the ways we’d avoid using bathrooms in public.

In the early-mid 2000s, more and more FTMs were appearing in the community, alongside the butches. Many lesbian spaces welcomed them, some didn’t. It seemed to me at the time that butches were presented with two options: we could choose to be butches, or we could choose to be FTM “trans guys”. Why people chose one or the other...that was very individual and personal. It really came down to which option solved a problem and made life easier. The problem could be homophobic parents, fatigue from being harassed, differing degrees of dysphoria and bodily discomfort, not understanding what GID is, poor social or occupational functioning, trauma, other mental health challenges like depression or the anxiety that seemed inevitable for us. Some transitioned but still identified as butch women. They chose medical interventions to look more masculine, not to identify as men. Some trans guys said they never had GID at all. I don’t know what their motivations for transitioning were. Some said “political reasons”. There were some who were big fans of Queer Theory icons like Judith Butler and Judith Halberstam. Those women adopted male personas - intentional “female masculinity” - as an expression of Queer Theory, not to be men/male. I chose to transition soon after a gay man was beaten to death in a nearby park.

If kids with gender dysphoria today are anything like who we were 20 years ago, I feel saddened by their trajectory. Others see benefits: Access to medical interventions has been made easier. They no longer have to do a “real-life test” (live their life as the opposite sex for 2 years without medical assistance). They don’t have to go through months or years of therapy and assessment. More is now known about the effects and risks of hormones. The surgeries have improved, are easier to access and now paid for by insurance. (I paid for my own mastectomy out of pocket, and was on the SRS surgery waitlist for 10 years.)

But, what have we done? Have we eliminated all of the conditions for why a butch girl would find their innate masculinity hard to live with? Have we made the lives of butch women better and safer? Have we eliminated homophobic families, communities, employers, clinicians and policies? Are we educating young people what gender dysphoria is, in evidence-based terms, supporting them to integrate that into a healthy identity and self-image? Do we tell masculine girls how attractive they are? Do they have an abundance of healthy role models? Are they fully embraced and integrated into their workforces, educational settings, faith communities… or, are butches still getting weird looks from strangers? Are they still getting yelled at in public bathrooms? Are young, obnoxious young men still yelling slurs out their car windows as they drive by a butch woman? Do gender non-conforming women still fear for their lives in some places? Can they get Brandon Teena out of their heads? Can they travel the world freely? Can they find clothing they like that fits their bodies well?

I’m not convinced we’ve made any real progress at all. I think we’ve just made it easier for people to jump ship, younger and faster, and gave it a different spin. We now call that “self-actualization”. We’ve facilitated a better illusion. We’ve convinced more and more people that the illusion is real. We continue to push for better surgeries. Penile and uterine transplants are on the horizon. Young people are flooding into clinics. They can’t keep up with the demand. Activists have pushed Queer Theory as an explanation for our difference, displacing evidence-based clinical definitions of GID/GD. It’s no longer talked about as a condition that requires treatment but a natural human variation that requires affirmation in whatever form we demand (often life-long medicalization). I’ve travelled that road to its end, and its hurt just as much as it’s helped.

The surgeries available to FTMs right now are awful. A double mastectomy and phalloplasty or metoidioplasty are gruesome procedures to go through. The US surgeon I went to for metoidioplasty boasts low complication rates, but the anecdotal evidence I’ve witnessed (myself and everyone I know who had the procedure there and elsewhere) is close to a 100% complication rate. One guy at the surgical recovery centre I stayed at started to hemorrhage and was laying on the floor unable to reach the call bell when another FTM patient found him and advocated for him to be rushed to hospital. Fistulas and strictures are the most common problem. I chose metoidioplasty because it’s thought to be the less risky of the two options. I immediately developed two large fistulas (meaning that my urethra burst open in two places) that needed additional surgery to repair. I couldn’t bathe or go swimming for a year until those openings were repaired. I have chronic perineum pain, altered bowel function due to changes in my pelvic muscles, and no sensation in most of my chest. When we have complications, local physicians and surgeons don’t know what to do. So we have to wait, and travel to whoever can help.

Listen, I don’t doubt that sometimes medical transition is helpful for people. It’s not my place to say they can’t or shouldn’t. But let’s not sell this like it’s a Disney park ride. The marketing of everything trans is ridiculously misleading. Don’t put sparkles and rainbows over real pain as though that helps at all. It’s insulting.

If we really want to help these kids, we need to make it easier for lesbian kids. Butch kids. All gender non-conforming kids. The quirky and awkward kids. Kids who feel they don’t fit it. Let’s get better at working with parents and preserving families. Be honest about what medical transition is really about. No one really changes biological sex and these procedures are really hard to go through. Why are we putting all of our resources into escaping brutality rather than eliminating brutality? We’re cutting up our bodies because our lived reality is worse. Why do we celebrate that?

Medical transition is but one option for those with GD. We need to reclaim our understanding of GD as a condition so that we can have reality based-conversations and solve real personal and social problems. “Trans” as a concept, masks many underlying issues. A queer theory-based understanding of myself worsened my GD. Medical transition became an addiction. The illusion only works if we’re lucky enough to pass and everyone else plays along perfectly. It’s an exhausting game of whack-a-mole to dodge the reminders of my female past and female biology. How is that kind of dissociation desirable? Some people may benefit from medically transitioning, but we still need a reality-based understanding of ourselves, to keep our feet on the ground.

Our children deserve better. If this sounds transphobic to you, you’re a part of the problem. Owning our reality for what it is isn’t self-hatred. It’s self-acceptance. Having different ideas and a different vision of how to move forward isn't hatred. Hatred was the skinheads who circled around us at the small 1992 Winnipeg gay and lesbian march, long before Pride was a parade. Hatred was the men who drove from the suburbs into Vancouver with the intent to "kill a fag" and murdered Aaron Webster in Stanley Park. I’m well acquainted with phobia. This isn't phobia. This is love.

[cloudycleric]

hi Ollie! just wanna start by saying I love your channel. your favorite video of mine is the one where you were talking about how you think Will Byers has autism.

you said that you have autism but you were misdiagnosed first and that you thought you couldn't have autism because you had already been told that you don't have it. I was wondering what made you get diagnosed when you'd already been told that you don't have it.

I went to get diagnosed a few months ago but was told that I don't have it. I'm only asking because I genuinely think that I have autism and that it was a misdiagnosis. any advice? also you dont have to answer if its like too personal or something. sorry if its confusing and doesn't make a lot of sense.

also here's a picture of byler kissing to hopefully make your day better! <3

hi hello !!!

thank you for the picture i lobe it!

as for why i decided to retest for autism—

it kinda just… worked out. the more that i thought about it after my first testing came back negative, the more that i realized that i was in fact autistic, & some of the things in document that said i wasn’t autistic were objectively untrue & my mom noticed, too.

that was not fault to the tester, she was lovely, it’s just that a lot of testers only really know how to diagnose traditional autism in amab people. with being afab, or even trans, autism can present itself differently. i know there’s haha jokes about girl & boy autism but, there is some objective truth there. it also doesn’t help testers who have a more deep understanding of the ‘traditional’ autism that people who are afab or trans or whatever have a way better time hiding or masking their autism. i’d say, when deciding to retest, really examine whether or not you feel your are masking.

anywho, back to the story—

my therapist’s office has a child psychologist who specialized in therapy for lgbtq+ youth & occasionally did screenings for things like adhd, autism, among other disorders & neurodivergent stuffs. she was amazing, she was able to work directly with my therapist on parts of the tests & for professional input, as well as used a more friendly test based on experience as a person, not as whether or not you check boxes or act a certain way during certain testing sessions.

the tests it took were the Behavior Rating Inventory of Executive Functioning, Second Edition (BRIEF-2), Self-and Parent-Reports & Monteiro Interview Guidelines for Diagnosing the Autism Spectrum, Second Edition (MIGDAS-2), which the psychologist described as much more “affirming” & “validating”. by the end of the session she told me, “i usually don’t immediately say this to clients, but you are very obviously autistic.”

getting that diagnosis was really good because it made people FINALLY start believing me when i said i was autistic. i’ve also noticed that it’s easier for me to de-mask now because i feel like the people around me now know why i act the way i do.

anywho, that’s my story! like i said, i would just really investigate whether or not you felt like the tester had an inaccurate view of you & if you were masking/how much masking you do on a daily basis.

I HOPE THIS HELPS!!!

[rorywritesjunk]

There's no race, no ending in sight

r rating. title comes from "two of us on the run" by lucius

(enjoy. since i'm so invested in this now i wanted to do a ✨flashback✨ part and i love emporio ivankov and been hyping myself up on trans croc lately too so... this happened. mentions surgery but nothing graphic, threats to others safety. also mentions of someone's first time)

taglist: @hey-august @thoraeth

pt 1 + pt 2 + p3 + p4 + pt 5 + p6 + pt 7 +Pt 8 + Pt 9 + Pt 10 + Pt 11 + Pt 12 + Pt 13 + Pt 14 + Pt 15 + pt 16 + Pt 17 (End)

Pt 9

twenty years ago

"I'm sorry, what?" The nineteen year old looked confused by the demand. Sunny had only been at the job for five years, she still had so much to learn, but this customer came in, one she had seen frequently in the last year, making adjustments to their clothes when it didn't feel right in the arms, the chest, hips, and length.

"I said marry me, shop girl." The cigar smoke was awful, lingering in the air as it dissipated. He was grinning at her.

"M-Mister Crocodile, I can't. I'm only half way through my apprenticeship and... and we don't know each other very well." Sunny tried to reason with him. Why would he want to marry her? "Besides, um, I'm not... ready for marriage."

He chuckled, reaching across the counter to touch her cheek gently; she shuddered, his touch was dry and coarse, like sandpaper against her skin. "It's not in your best interest to say no to me, girl, not when I can show you everything in the world, all the riches you could ever want, the prettiest clothes you could ever wear."

"I don't-"

"Saying no to me means you care little for your friends and family, you know. It won't be hard to destroy their livelihoods in an instant." He continued, tilting her head to look up at him. He was so much taller than her, larger even, that she was scared. Was he threatening Miss Pins and her parents? Why? Why did he want her out of countless others?

"But-"

"Just say yes."

Sunny's eyes widened. She didn't know or understand what this man could be capable of but she feared him. She couldn't risk her family being hurt or her boss. She didn't want to die either, not yet.

"Promise?" She asked as he studied her face, raising an eyebrow at her question. "Promise... you won't hurt me o-or my family. And... and I'll marry you."

His face split into a grin. "Good girl. I'll make sure you're happy."

~

Sunny didn't understand where they were. A man taller than her husband greeted them as they arrived on a new island, calling him "Croc-boy" which Sunny found kind of funny. They'd been married three months now and while he would call her darling, she hadn't thought of a pet name for him yet. Nothing seemed to work for him.

"Who's this sweet young thing?" The man asked Crocodile, giving Sunny a look over. She stood beside her husband, trying not to stare up at either of them. She felt so small beside them even without the height difference.

"My wife." Crocodile said as the three started walking along. "I decided to get married before coming to you."

"Hello! I'm Sunny." She said, not wanting to be rude. "I, um, like your outfit."

The outfit being a one piece leotard with very little front, showing off his chest and stomach. Despite working with clothing, Sunny wasn't quite used to seeing someone that exposed but she shook it off. Her parents and boss always taught her not to judge someone's clothes or how they presented themselves.

"She's cute." He chuckled. "My dear, I am Emporio Ivankov, but you can call me Iva if you please." He didn't hesitate in pulling Sunny away from her husband, having her walk beside her with Crocodile behind. "So, he's finally settling down. I hope he's treating you well."

"He... is." She said, glancing back at him. "Um, he's kind to me. I appreciate it." She looked back up at Iva. "Why are we here?"

"Oh, he didn't tell you?" Iva hummed softly. "Figures he wouldn't, but won't worry about it. You'll only be here a few weeks and then you can continue on your way."

~

A few weeks of Sunny staying by Crocodile, making sure he ate while checking his bandages with Iva. The marks on the side of his body looked fine, they healed quickly, but the ones on his chest would take longer, according to Iva. He couldn't use his abilities to take care of that.

Sunny didn't ask questions at first. Her husband wouldn't answer them anyway, but when she was making lunch for him, she finally had to ask Iva.

"I don't understand what you did or what happened."

"Oh, honey, your husband just wanted to be himself, that's all." Iva told her as Sunny put the bowl of soup on a tray. He looked her over again, a grin on his large face. "You really don't know your husband, do you?"

"No, not really." Sunny sighed. "I don't know if I even want to."

~

Sunny only saw her husband naked once before his visit with Iva. It was the only time he seemed uncomfortable around her, his unwanted body exposed to her. She was kind, not saying anything as she kissed him, unsure of what to do, but she told him she thought he looked so handsome, that his body was beautiful, being mindful where she touched him. She meant it. Sunny never wanted someone to feel uncomfortable around her.

After the surgery, however, he didn't have any problems with nudity around her. He seemed happier, more relaxed when he undressed around her, smirking at the way she stared at him as her cheeks reddened.

He was gentle with her the first time, knowing he was much larger than her, not wanting to hurt her or make it a horrible experience. It was a uncomfortable for Sunny but only because she didn't now what she needed to do for him. He insisted she just needed to let him do everything and that she just needed to enjoy herself.

~

She was allowed to visit her parents a few times. It was awkward introducing her husband to them. He really didn't care to meet them but he put up a front of loving husband, gifting them jewels, spices, and other things from around the world.

Her parents weren't stupid but Sunny insisted she was fine and that she was happy with him. He took good care of her and loved her, never raised his voice at her or threatened to hurt her. Everything was fine.

~

She didn't like Alabasta. It was too hot, dry, and she hated spending most of her time at home. Sometimes her husband would bring her to his casino, and sometimes she'd put on different clothes and sneak out to walk around the town but it wasn't often.

When that boy in the straw hat showed up and defeated her husband, allowing him to be arrested by the Marines, she finally felt free, even after interrogation after interrogation, she insisted she knew nothing, that she thought her husband just ran a casino and everything, she had no understanding of what he had been up to or what Baroque Works even was.

Which was a lie, Sunny knew more than others thought. She had listened in on some of his conversations when she'd bring him lunch and he'd hold her in his lap, giving her a kiss on the cheek while having a meeting over a transponder snail or in front of others. They didn't make any comments about his wife. They knew better.

~

Her freedom didn't last long. He managed to track her down in a little village far from Impel Down. She wasn't sure how he did, but seeing him again after time apart was heartbreaking. She didn't want to return to him but he maintained his original threat when they got married: he would never hurt her but the same couldn't be said for her family.

~

"I'm sorry, a clown owns you money?" Sunny thought that was the funniest sounding sentence to her and she snorted. "Why did you loan him money in the first place?"

"There was promise of repayment." Her husband replied, stubbing out his cigar on his plate. She had made him breakfast, one of the few things she enjoyed doing for him. She took a sip of her coffee and frowned.

"Huh." She grinned. "Good luck getting it back. Maybe he spent it all on peanuts for an elephant or something."

"I don't see how this is amusing, darling."

"It's not, really, but the idea of a clown owing you money is funny to me." She shrugged. "Have you talked to him about getting it back?"

"Not yet." He sighed. Sunny nodded and set her coffee cup down, sitting up in her seat.

"Can I go talk to him?"

Crocodile looked at her, raising an eyebrow. "Why would you want to?"

"Something to do." She shrugged again. "I'll talk to him and see if we can come up with an agreement about paying you back in a timely fashion, how does that sound?"

"We'll talk about after lunch." He said as he got up. "I have things to tend to."

[sarahisgay01]

My Girl (Pt.2)

Minors DNI (18+ Only!!!!)

Top!Robin x Top!Nancy x Trans!girl bottom!reader (Somewhat Modern)

Notes: Reader is AMAB and transitioned hormonally before puberty, underage drinking

Part 1:

You and Robin had been dating for months now and the two of you were so in love. One night, you and Robin were talking about everyone in the group while tipsy. It all started a couple days ago when your parents said they were going to be leaving this weekend to go visit some family members. You called Robin immediately and told her the news. It was now Saturday night, Robin had just gotten off from work and came straight to your house. When she arrived, the two of you greeted each other with a kiss and you said, “Guess what I have?” With an excited smile on her face, Robin said, “What? Tell me!” You walked into your kitchen and pulled out a bottle of vodka from a cabinet below the sink. Robin said, “Yes!” and you said, “Have you eaten enough to drink?” She smiled at your concern and said, “I had breakfast, lunch, and snacked throughout the day, thank you for caring, sweet girl.” The two of you opened the bottle and passed it between each other. You started talking about the group and Robin said, “Do you remember your first impressions of everyone? I’m really interested because I’ve known them or known of them for such a long time. You were new though, you knew nothing about them.” A puzzling look appeared on your face and you said, “I uh- I think so, yeah.” Robin replied, “Great! Okay, cool. What was your first impression of Steve?” You laughed and said, “A big flirt and someone who’s way too obsessed with his hair.” She replied, “Well, you weren’t wrong on that one, (Y/N). You hit the nail right on the head.” You laughed and said, “Now that I know him though, I know that he’s much more than that and he’s a very caring person.” Robin smiled and said, “He is. He’s changed a lot, he’s a great guy. Don’t you dare tell him I said that!” You laughed again and said, “I wouldn’t dare give him an ego boost.” The two if you were dying laughing now and after you both calmed down, Robin continued. She said, “What about Eddie?” and you replied, “Oh, Eds! So, from his appearance I thought he was super scary and probably mean. Once he starts to talk though, I realized it’s just a facade. He was so sweet and funny, I liked him a lot when I first met him.” Robin said, “That was mine too! Yeah, totally thought he was this hardcore metal guy that was super dark. He’s really the total opposite!” The two of you giggled and here comes the question you didn’t want to answer. Robin says, “Last but not least, Nancy.”

Your face went red recalling your first impression of Nancy, you looked back on it, replaying it in your head. Everyone was at Steve’s waiting for you and Robin to arrive, waiting to meet you. When you first saw her, your heart stopped for a moment, seeing a beautiful girl with a smile on her face waiting to talk to you. Your first impression was that she was stunning, that was it. Then, when she started talking, asking you interesting questions, and wanting to get to know you more, you realized how much you enjoyed talking to her. You replied back, “I uh- I uh um- I don’t remember.” Robin studied your face, your red cheeks, your body slightly tense, and said, “Bullshit.” She laughed and said, “Wanna tell me the truth now, sweetheart?” You looked down and said, “I uh- I- Well, found her very nice and I liked how she asked me interesting questions. Mhmmm, that’s all.” Again, Robin said, “Bullshit” and laughed. She said, “You totally thought she was hot, didn’t you? You can admit it, (Y/N), it’s okay.” You continued looking down at the floor and mumbled, “Y- Yeah. I uh- I did. I thought she was beautiful.” Robin teased you and said, “You have a little crush on Nance!”, then started giggling. You shot your head up and replied in a playful tone, “I do not! I love you, you idiot!” with a smile on your face. She smiled back and said, “I love you too, but you totally do!” You playfully shoved her and she said, “I mean, who hasn’t. It’s Nancy fucking Wheeler for crying out loud.” You giggled and replied, “Good point”, then Robin cupped your cheeks. She said, “I have the hottest girl to call mine, right here” and she kissed you lightly. The two of you kissed for a while, before Robin admitted to being tired after her long day of working and dealing with customers. You both went to your room and got ready for bed. After you both were in your pajamas, Robin laid flat on the bed and you cuddled into her. Once you were comfy, she turned the light off and you two said, “I love you” to each other, before falling asleep. The next day, everyone had taken off work to hangout at your house and watch movies. You were in the living room with Robin and you got a call close to 11:00am from Steve saying that he and Eddie weren’t feeling well. Something about Eddie cooking dinner for him last night and he believes Eddie gave them food poisoning. You laughed and said, “Alright, I hope you both feel better.” Robin said, “Who was that?” and you said, “Steve, he said he and Eddie are sick. Apparently Eddie cooked them dinner last night and Steve thinks Eddie gave them food poisoning.” She started laughing and you said, “Looks like it’s just the girls.” Robin teased you and said, “Mhmmm, just two beautiful girls, what are you gonna do with yourself, pretty girl?” You lightly shoved her and said, “Don’t make me regret telling you what I said last night!” Robin smirked and said, “You don’t already?”, then started dying laughing. After she stopped laughing, she grabbed you by your waist and kissed you. You kissed her back hard and she reciprocated.

When you released from the kiss, out of breath, you checked the time on your watch. You said, “We do have some time before Nancy’s supposed to be here.” Robin said, “So needy pretty girl, so needy for me. Huh (Y/N)?” You replied, “Mhmmm, want you Rob. Need you.” She grabbed your hand and pulled you up to your bedroom. You closed the door behind you and Robin pushed you onto the bed, a moan leaving your lips, as your back hit the mattress. She smiled and said, “Mmmm, those pretty moans get me every time, sweet girl.” Then, she started kissing on your neck, which turned into sucking deep bruises. Her hands were under your shirt, pinching your nipples and making you breathily moan her name. You started to get hard quick and buck your hips, causing Robin to grin. She said, “You want me to touch you, pretty girl?” You replied, “Fuck, please Robin! Robin, please!” Robin pulled down your pants and underwear, then started stroking your beautiful cock, causing you to moan. She said, “Fuck, you’re so beautiful like this. So beautiful and ready for me to use.” You whined and said, “R- Ride m- me, please! Please, Rob!” Robin said, “Good girl, using your manners, that’s my good girl” and she got off the bed. She took off her pants and underwear, then climbed back onto the bed. You took a finger and put it right on her clit, rubbing it a bit to get her more wet. After 30 seconds or so, Robin climbed on top of you and you gently guided her down onto your pretty cock. She moaned at the feeling and her head found it’s way to your chest. You started guiding her hips up and down, both moaning at the sensations. It only took a couple minutes for the two of you to get close to reaching your climax. You and Robin were so drawn into each other that you didn’t hear a knock at the door. What’s even worse is that neither one of you heard it open or Nancy calling for either of you. Neither one of you heard the footsteps coming up the stairs, nor the door to your bedroom open. You didn’t notice Nancy until a loud gasp and “Oh shit!” left her lips. She stood at the door, eyes wide and too in shock to close the door.

You felt uncomfortable, not only because you were naked, but mostly because now someone else knew your secret. Robin got off of you, making you whimper from being so close to your climax. She turned to face Nancy and noticed that her cheeks were pink. She also noticed her pupils were starting to expand and a big grin appeared on Robin’s face. Robin said, “Like what you see, Nance?” and Nancy replied, “I uh- I uh- no, no, no. I’m uh- I’m-” Nancy was cut off by Robin, who said, “That’s too bad cause, I know (Y/N), thinks you’re beautiful. She has a little crush on you.” A bright red blush formed on your cheeks, but you noticed one formed on Nancy’s as well. She peaked her head from around Robin’s body and said, “You- You do?” You replied with a hesitant nod and Robin said, “Be a good girl and use your words for Nance, sweetheart.” A whiney hum left your mouth and you said, “Y- Yeah, I uh- I do, Nance. I think you’re absolutely stunning.” Nancy smiled and said, “I think you are too, (Y/N). Absolutely, beautiful.” You said, “But um- Nance. I do have to say, I’m not uh- I’m not biologically a female. I’m uh- I’m transgender, so if that changes anyth-” and Nancy interrupted you. She said, “Why would- Why would that change anything, (Y/N)?” You smiled and said, “I just wanted to make sure, I guess.” Robin still had her big, stupid grin on her face and said, “Well, Nance, you’re welcome to join, if you want. You caught us at sort of a bad time, we were both close to our orgasms.” Nancy grinned and said, “Oh? Is that so?” Your eyes were going back between her and Robin, not knowing who to focus on. Robin said, “Oh, Nance?”, she replied back, “Yeah?”, and Robin said, “I’m okay with whatever you want to do with her and (Y/N) will be a good girl for you. Won’t you, sweet girl?” You started nodding your head rapidly and said, “Mhmmm, I’ll be such a good girl. I’ll be a good girl for both of you, I promise! I’ll be a good girl for you, Nance!” Nancy’s pupils now engulfed her blue eyes and her grin grew wider. In a soft, condescending tone she said, “Such a needy little thing, aren’t you? Mmmm, let mommy take care of you, darling.” You moaned at her tone and phrasing, calling herself mommy made your pretty cock somehow get harder. Both girls watched as your hips slightly bucked at what Nancy said. Robin said, “Nance, I think she liked that” and Nancy looked at you, then replied, “You want mommy to touch you, baby?” A whine left your lips and you begged, you begged for Nancy to touch you. You said, “Please mommy, please! Please, touch me! Please!” and she giggled at your neediness. She climb over on to the bed and sat on her heels between your legs. She said, “Can mommy kiss you, (Y/N)?” and you replied with a little whimper, saying, “Please.” She grinned and said, “Such a well mannered girl, so good. Such a good girl, (Y/N).” You bit your lip, holding back a moan, but Nancy leaned in and kissed you. It was weird kissing someone other than Robin, but you liked that she was watching and both of you trusted Nancy. You stopped thinking about it so much and focused on her lips. Her lips were soft and sweet, tasting like vanilla. When she released from the kiss, your lips tried to chase hers, which made her and Robin laugh. Nancy leaned back down, after she had caught her breath and kissed you again, this time more heated. She bit your bottom lip, eliciting a pretty moan and slipped her tongue in your mouth. You swirled your tongue with hers and before you knew it, her lips left your mouth, again.

Nancy moved to biting tender spots on your neck, then licking them afterwards, easing some of the pain. Then, she said, “(Y/N), can mommy take this off?” and tugged at your shirt. You replied back, begging and said, “Please mommy! Please take it off! Want you to take it off!” She said, “So needy, baby” and grinned, then lifted your shirt over your head. Nancy dropped it to the floor and let out a small moan at the sight of your chest. She said, “Fuck, you’re so beautiful, (Y/N). Be a good girl for me and lay flat on your back.” You did exactly what she said and then she was hovering on top of you. Nancy looked deep into your eyes and said, “Good girl, (Y/N).” A whimper left your mouth and Nancy grinned. She moved her face down and pointed her tongue, then experimentally flicked your nipple. You let out a slightly loud moan and she continued. Soon, Nancy’s lips were latched onto your nipple and sucking, causing you to moan even louder. She moved over to the other side, giving it the same attention. Once Nancy was satisfied, she looked over at Robin, who was sitting in a chair, watching the two of you like a hawk. You saw Nancy’s head was looking at her, so you looked too and were met with seeing Robin trying not to touch herself. Nancy said, “Rob, come here” and she immediately got up, then stood next to the bed. Robin said, “What’s up, Nance?” and Nancy said, “Do you want to touch me?” Robin’s face turned bright red and she looked at you for approval. You giggled and said, “Sweetheart, after everything I’ve done with Nance, I don’t think you need my permission.” Robin nodded, then looked at Nancy and said, “Please, I do.” Nancy grinned and said, “Kiss me. Kiss mommy, Rob.” Robin moaned and then quickly leaned in to kiss her. She kissed her slowly, making you whine, both from watching them kiss and you needed their touches. Robin tugged at Nancy’s shirt and Nancy released from the kiss for a quick moment, so Robin could take off her shirt. Before they went back to kissing, Robin said, “Mommy, can I take off your bra too, please? Please, mommy?” Nancy said, “Mhmm, only cause you asked so nicely” and Robin quickly unclasped her bra. She let out a moan at the sight and stared at her bare chest. Robin pulled Nancy back in for a kiss, then started kneading her breast. Nancy breathily moaned and you whined, your pretty cock was now throbbing. You knew that if you touched it you were going to get punished, so you sat there, needy and whining. Nancy released from the kiss and said, “Rob, can mommy take off your shirt?” Robin nodded and said, “Mhmmm, want you to mommy.” Nancy lifted it up and over her head, then let out a little moan at the sight of Robin’s bare chest. She immediately started kneading her breasts and Robin threw her head back, breathily moaning, “Fuck.” You whimpered, too needy and impatient, to just sit and watch. Nancy retracted her hands and looked back at you. She said with fake pity, “Aw, poor thing. So needy, darling. So desperate to be touched.” You whined and said, “Please mommy! Please Rob! Please! Need to be touched! Need you, please!” Both of them laughed and Robin said, “Hmmm what do you think Nance, should we touch her? I mean, she’s been a good girl. Her pretty cock is throbbing. My needy little slut needs us, Nance.” You whined at Robin’s words and Nancy said, “Hmmm, I think she’s been a good girl. Yeah, Rob, let’s reward her for being a good girl.”

Nancy said, “Rob, you ride her. Okay?” Robin looked at you and grinned, “Mhmmm, more than okay.” Nancy looked at you and said, “Can mommy ride your face, darling?” Your eyes went wide and you gulped, feeling excited, but also nervous. You said, “Y- Yeah. That’s- That’s f- f- fine. Mhmmm.” Robin knows that you only stutter like that when you’re nervous. She looked at you with soft eyes and in a soft tone, she said, “Are you nervous, sweetheart? You gotta tell us if you are or if you don’t want to do something.” You said, “Want to, want to so bad. Just- Just don’t wanna mess up.” Robin said, “Sweetheart, just relax, okay? You’re gonna do just fine, sweet girl. I promise.” Nancy cupped your cheeks and said, “(Y/N), you’re gonna do great and if you want I’ll guide you, okay?” Your eyes softened and you looked at both of them, then said, “Yeah. Okay, thank you.” Both of them smiled and your body relaxed, no longer tense. Nancy wanted to help you relax a bit more, so she said, “(Y/N), be a good girl and come help mommy take off her jeans and panties.” You shot up from the bed and said, “Yes, mommy!” Robin giggled and said, “So eager to please, such a sweet girl.” You hummed and dropped to your knees in front of Nancy, then started unbuttoning her jeans. Once they were unbuttoned and unzipped, you pulled them down her legs, then helped her step out of them. When her jeans were off and you looked back up at her panties you saw the big wet patch on them. A moan left your lips and you said, “Mommy you’re so wet.” Nancy grinned and said, “Mhmmm, can’t help it when I’ve been touching two beautiful girls.” She watched as both you and Robin blushed at the comment and was proud of herself for flustering both of you. You slowly pulled down her panties and helped her step out of them. Both you and Robin gawked at Nancy’s naked body, taking in the beauty of it. Robin said, “Holy shit, Nance! You’re so fucking hot” and you said, “Mommy you’re so beautiful.” Your pretty cock was throbbing even more now. You let out a whimper and Robin said, “Okay, sweet girl, it’s okay. Mommy and I are going to take good care of you, sweetheart. Be a good girl for us and go lay on the bed, flat on your back.” Quickly, you got up and got yourself comfortable on the bed, flat on your back, like Robin instructed.

Robin got on top of you and kissed you, then you helped her position herself down onto your pretty cock. You both loudly moaned as she slowly took all of you inside her. Nancy waited until Robin was fully sat on your cock before she went to position herself on your mouth. When she hovered over your mouth, you stuck your tongue out flat and pulled her hips down on you. You tasted her wetness, then moaned at the taste and Nancy moaned feeling your tongue on her sensitive pussy. She started grinding on your face and Robin started riding you. You grabbed Robin’s hips, helping her move up and down. The moans coming out of your mouth were muffled by Nancy’s pussy, but the vibrations from them got Nancy closer to her climax. Nancy was moaning loudly, saying, “Fuck, (Y/N)! Fuck, you’re doing so well! Such a good girl for mommy! Fuck! Keep going, (Y/N)!” Robin was also moaning loudly and Nancy’s moans were making her climax approach faster. She moaned out, “Fuck, (Y/N)! Fuck! So good! God, you feel so good, (Y/N)! Fuck!” You started bucking your hips into Robin, causing her to scream out in pleasure. You moaned and the vibrations, mixed with the fast pace of Nancy’s grinding was going made her scream out in pleasure too. Nancy moaned out, “Close, (Y/N)! I’m so close! Be a good girl and make mommy cum, baby!” As Robin said earlier, you were eager to please, so you grabbed Nancy’s hips and held her still on your face. You started sucking on her clit and you moved your hands back to Robin’s waist. Your hands gripped her waist tight and you roughly fucked up into her. Both girls were moaning loudly at your movements and you felt yourself about to come undone. Nancy and Robin screamed at almost the same time and came. You were only seconds behind them and your eyes rolled back as you came inside Robin. Nancy hopped off your face and next to you on the bed, then you started heavy breathing, catching your breath. Robin slowly got off of you too and both of you whimpered at the loss of contact. She looked at your face and grinned, it was covered in Nancy’s cum and wetness. She moved closer to you and kissed you, tasting Nancy on your lips. Robin hummed in pleasure at the taste, then released from the kiss and looked at Nancy. She said, “Mmmm Nance, you taste so sweet” and you hummed a “Mhmmm” in agreement, with a blissful smile on your face. You weren’t sure what you were expecting as a response, but her whining definitely wasn’t one of them. Robin looked at her and said, “Nance, what’s wrong?” Nancy replied, “It’s- It’s stupid.” You said, “No, nothing you say is ever stupid, Nance.” She said, “Well, I uh- I wanna um- I wanna ride your pretty cock. I want to so bad, (Y/N).” Robin grinned and said, “(Y/N), you want Nancy to ride you, sweetheart?” Your eyes were wide and in shock, you nodded your head rapidly.

Nancy said, “Use your words for us, darling” and you began begging. You said, “Mommy please! Mommy please ride me! Want you to, please! Please, mommy!” Nancy said, “That’s a good girl, baby” and moved to position herself kneeling over top of you. You grabbed her hips and helped her position herself onto your pretty cock. She loudly moaned as you slowly guided her onto your cock. She said, “Holy shit! Fuck, (Y/N)! That feels so good, fuck!” You started moving her hips up and down, then threw your head back, letting out a loud moan. Robin moved to where Nancy was sitting before and reached her hand out, then started rubbing Nancy’s clit. Nancy screamed out, “Fuck Robin! Fuck (Y/N)! Fuck!” and her body started twitching. Your pretty cock started twitching inside her, getting close to your second orgasm. You moaned out, “Fuck, mommy! Fuck! I’m close! I’m close, mommy!” Through broken moans, Nancy said, “Me- Me- Me too, baby. Make- Make mommy- Make mommy cum, (Y/N). Be a- Be a good girl, (Y/N). Be a good girl and make- and make mommy c- c- cum.” You gripped her hips tight and started roughly bucking your hips into her. Robin started rubbing her clit faster and faster. She screamed out, “Fuck yes, (Y/N)! Fuck, Robin! Fuck! Gonna cum! Gonna cu-!” and she was interrupted by her orgasm hitting her hard. Robin moved her both her hands to your chest and took her fingers, then harshly pinched your nipples. You screamed out in pleasure and with one more rough buck into Nancy, you came. After you came again, you were completely fucked out. Your face was blissed out and both the girls thought you looked so cute like that. Robin said, “Aw Nance look, she’s completely fucked out.” Nancy replied, “Such a pretty little thing, all fucked out after we used you. Mommy loved using you, pretty baby.” You replied back with a hum of pleasure and Robin said, “I think we fucked her dumb too, Nance. She can’t even speak, she’s so blissed out.” Both Robin and Nancy giggled at you, while you nodded your head in agreement with Robin. After about 15 minutes of laying there, you tapped Robin and she looked at you, concerned. She said, “You okay, sweet girl?” and you nodded, then mumbled, “Want shower.” Robin could tell it was hard for you to talk, so she didn’t pressure you, she said, “Okay, sweetheart. I’ll go start the shower, do you want to shower alone?” You shook your head rapidly, no and she said, “Woah, okay, (Y/N). Relax, for me, sweetheart. Okay? Do you want all of us with you?” You nodded your head and looked at Nancy. Nancy said, “Mhmmm, that’s okay with me. I think we all need to shower.” You hummed with a smile on your face and Robin kissed your head. Then, she got up and headed to your bathroom, to go start the shower. Nancy gave you a kiss on the cheek and said, “You’re so beautiful, (Y/N).” Your smile grew wider and you gave Nancy a kiss on her cheek back, causing her to smile too.

Robin came back a couple minutes later and said, “Okay, shower’s warm and ready.” Slowly, you and Nancy got up, then walked to the bathroom. You had a large shower, so the three of you could easily fit inside of it. The three of you showered together, then dried off, and changed into some comfy clothes. After everyone was dressed, the three of you went downstairs and watched movies like you were supposed to hours ago. You sat on the couch cuddled up between Robin and Nancy, confused on what’s supposed to happen now. Robin saw you weren’t focused on the movie and looked nervous. She got up and paused the movie, which had Nancy confused, until she looked at you. Robin quickly went and sat back next you, then placed her hand on your knee. She said, “(Y/N), what’s wrong? You look upset.” Nancy started scratching your back lightly and you stuttered, “I’m- I’m-” You took a long pause and loudly said, “I’m confused! I don’t know what to- what to think of this!” Nancy’s face dropped from concerned to guilty and she said, “I uh- Maybe I should go, I’m sorry, (Y/N).” You grabbed her wrist and said, “No, Nance. Stay, please. Please, stay.” She was tense on the couch, but stayed and Robin said, “Okay. Well, let’s talk about it. What’s confusing you?” You looked at her with tears in your eyes and said, “I love you, Rob. I love you so so much. You know that I do, but I also love Nance.” Then you turned to look at her and her face was bright red. You said, “Nance, I love you. I love you more than a friend, just like I love Robin as more than a friend.” Tears starting running down your face and Nancy said, “(Y/N), I don’t- I don’t know what to say.” She cupped your cheeks and wiped your tears with the pads of her thumbs. Robin said in a calm tone, “Well, do you love her, Nance?” She looked you in your eyes and hesitantly nodded, then looked at Robin and said, “I love you too, Rob. I’ve always loved you.” Robin’s face turned red and she said, “W- Wait, w- w- what?” Nancy said, “Yeah, honestly I’m surprised you never noticed.” Robin smiled and said, “I wasn’t uh- I wasn’t expecting that, but I love both of you, so much. So, why don’t we all three just date? It’s called a polyamory relationship.” Both you and Nancy looked confused and Nancy said, “I don’t- I don’t know how that- how that works.” You nodded in agreement and Robin said, “Neither do I, but if the two of you want to, we can figure it out. Step by step, for right now, but only if you two want to.” Nancy said, “I’d uh- I’d like to” and you said, “Me- Me too.” Robin smiled and said, “Great! So does that make the three of us girlfriends?” You and Robin looked at Nancy, who was smiling and she said, “Mhmmm, girlfriends.” The three of you were smiling and giggling, all happy that the three of you were so in love with each other. All of you happy that everyone’s feelings were out in the open. Robin looked at you giggling and said, “Now, can you admit that you have a crush on Nance?” You giggled and cupped Nancy’s cheeks, then kissed the tip of her nose. A smile appeared on your face while looking at her and you said, “Mhmmm, I definitely do.” The three of you giggled and you said, “This is probably awful of me to say, but I’m so grateful for whatever Eddie cooked Steve last night.” The three of you laughed so hard and both girls gave you a kiss on the cheek. Robin got up and played the movie, then the three of you cuddled on the couch, with you in between them. The only thought you had in this moment was, “I could get used to this”, with a smile on your face.

This turned into a poly relationship, but I’m not mad about it. Anyway, hope you all enjoyed part 2!!😊💖

[corbietalons]

Hey I’m back and a lot has happened! Anyway, I have a new blog but please DM/ask me for the url. I’m sorry to say right now it’s mostly Warhammer 40k in general/Necrons specifically.

Quick rundown of major life events that happened in the last 5 years for everyone who only knows me on here:

1. I finally stopped running from the trans thoughts I’ve expended a ridiculous amount of effort fighting since ~2009. I use they/he and I’m out everywhere but work. I want to apologize for every shitty trans/enbyphobic thing I’ve ever said; it came from a place of deep denial and self-loathing.

2. Related to why I’m finally out: I had a preventive hysterectomy last year. One of the actually valid reasons I had for not medically transitioning was my major genetic susceptibility to uterine cancer. T doesn’t increase the risk much in normal people, but taking it before would have been asking for turbocancer.

3. Through an absurdly unlikely series of events, I went from what looked like a hopeless rock bottom to landing a steady job and two subsequent promotions. I now make about my parents’ combined income when I was a kid, adjusted for inflation. (However, I’m looking elsewhere due to offshoring concerns. If your place is hiring a technical/content writer/manager with low-level management experience, hit me up!)

4. Said job allowed me to buy a nice little house just outside Austin. I’ll hopefully never have to deal with the bullshit of renting again, something I never imagined could happen as of even two years ago.

5. My cat, William, died a few months after my last post here and Mr. Butts followed him two years later. I have since acquired a Chihuahua/Dachshund mix for convoluted reasons, but the short explanation is she adopted me as an emotional support human a couple years ago. I now no longer hate little dogs. I also just got a 4-month-old kitten. They’re both excellent creatures.

6. Between life finally giving me some major wins and continued therapy, I am in an excellent place mentally. Not spending a majority of my waking hours consumed by rage is a welcome new experience.

7. The D&D stuff I was working on in 2018 came out and was pretty well-received (here and here). WotC also contracted me to write a mediocre Adventurers League module that I’m less proud of (but made some nice dosh).

I think that catches everything up. See you around!

[eyeslikewatercoolers]

It's Not Where You Come From (Kerri-centric, pt 1/2)

Long awaited, but here's the first half of the Kerri adoption fic, as part of the Wedding Planner AU! This takes place about 9 months after the events of Dearly Beloved.

Also for those who are not from the US, here is some information about FMLA. This fic also includes mentions of child neglect, transphobia, and theming around the US foster care system.

Read on ao3

Kerri’s been watching the driveway all afternoon, waiting for the familiar State of California vehicle to pull up. She has an open library book in her hands, but she’s barely read a single sentence. Soon enough, her CPS worker arrived, rolling the black bag filled with her and other kids’ files. 

Kerri’s gotten used to this weekly routine for the past six months and has realized that she had no choice after being placed in foster care. She knew she would be stuck in this rotted system until she would turn eighteen and would never be adopted. Who wanted a pre-teen who came out as trans, and then her birth parents just gave up?

The preteen waited in the bedroom that she shared with her foster brothers. She wished she lived in the girl’s bedroom across the hall, but after her foster parents went back and forth on her situation, they decided it would be best for her to stay in the boy’s room. But she had the bed by the window, so at least she was grateful for having that. 

After about twenty minutes of waiting, she heard footsteps walking down the hallway and opened the bedroom door without knocking. 

“You’re wanted downstairs.” Her older foster brother told her before plopping down on his bed with an older-generation of an iPhone. Kerri was pretty sure that it didn’t have service on it.

Kerri said a quiet thank you and left the book under the pillow. She’s had her stuff stolen before and couldn’t take any chances. 

Her foster mother and the CPS worker welcomed her into the living room. She sat in her usual seat that she resides in during these weekly check-ins. Her hands busied themselves with the loose thread on the arm of the chair.

“I’ll leave you two alone, then.” Her foster mother politely smiled as she left the room. Kerri would consider her as one of the better foster parents, only if she allowed her to grow out her hair and wear girl’s clothes. 

The CPS worker started asking her all the standard questions. Is she being fed enough? Is she being treated well? Kerri’s answers always remained the same yes’s and no’s, and whatever short answer would get this meeting over with the fastest. 

“I’ve got some news for you. I’ve already talked to your foster mom about it and she thinks it’s a good idea.” Her CPS worker said as she was putting Kerri’s file back into the bag.

Kerri’s head tilted slightly in curiosity “What is it?”

Her CPS worker took a deep breath “Remember when we tried to find you a placement within your family, but they all said that they couldn’t take you in?” Kerri nodded. How could she forget? She didn’t have many known relatives in the area. Her mother was an only child, and her father moved from Hawai’i to California. Her grandparents and her mother’s cousins in San Diego had all said no to Kerri living with them. 

The only other family she has ever heard about was her father’s estranged brother, who cut off all contact almost twenty years ago. 

“Well,” Her CPS worker continued, “You have an aunt who lives in LA, on your dad’s side. She was hard to track down, she changed both her first and last name years ago.” 

“Wait, my dad didn’t say he ever had a sister.” Kerri crossed her arms and leaned back in the chair. “All he had was a brother that wasn’t in the family anymore and…” her voice trailed off, realizing that this could be the same person. It felt like a long shot to ask, but she had to rule out the possibility. 

Kerri swallowed her nerves “Is she like me?” she quietly asked.

The worker nodded, “She is, her name is Sasha. I haven’t tried to contact her yet  because I wanted to see how you felt about it first.” 

She did have a blood relative out there. But Sasha cut off all contact with her family, as she might not want to be found again. Kerri wanted to be mad, but she could understand where Sasha was coming from if that was the case. 

But this could also be her way out of the foster system, even if there was a big chance that Sasha didn’t want anything to do with her family. There was only one way to find out.

“I want you to try to contact her. I really want to meet my aunt.”

The following week, the CPS worker came for another visit, but she was alone. Kerri watched the car from the bedroom window for a few seconds longer than usual to ensure no one else was in the car. 

Kerri didn’t want to feel disappointed, but she couldn’t help it. She felt frustrated that a relative she’d only known about for a week hadn’t appeared yet. Maybe her worries about Sasha were correct. This woman did not want anything to do with her family anymore, even if Kerri was just some kid that wanted to meet her aunt. 

The CPS didn’t mention her aunt either during the meeting. It was the same routine as every other week, some questions that Kerri’s answers never changed. As the CPS put away the files, Kerri blurted out, “What about my aunt? Have you tried to contact her yet?”

The worker took a steadying breath before answering Kerri’s question. “I’ll be honest with you. I did call her, but I didn’t want to get your hopes up.”

Kerri’s voice lowered slightly “Why would I get my hopes up?”

“She said that she wasn’t sure right now. She told me she would think about it and call me back as soon as possible.” The worker explained carefully. 

“Oh.” was all Kerri could respond with. She knew she had nothing to lose from the CPS worker contacting Sasha, but Kerri felt as if she lost the last possible connection to her family. 

Better get used to the foster system since Kerri is stuck in it for the next six years. 

Another week passed, and Kerri watched from her usual spot by the window for her CPS worker to arrive. Kerri accepted that Sasha didn’t want to meet her, as big of a pill that was to swallow. It was fine and nothing had to change in Kerri’s life now. She needed something stable, as there were too many changes in the past year alone.

The California state car pulled into the driveway and stepped out from the driver’s side was her CPS worker.  Same black rolling bag and it will be the same meeting she has every week. Kerri pulled down the blinds, she wouldn’t miss anything new outside that she hadn’t seen before. 

Kerri stopped paying attention to the time, actually reading her library book when her foster brother barged in the room. 

“They want you downstairs, and there’s some lady there too with them.” He said in a bored tone as he pushed open the door, then went to the end of the hall. 

“Wait, what lady?” Kerri asked with no response. Could it be Sasha? Did Sasha agree to meet her?

Turns out, it was Sasha who was downstairs in the meeting. Sasha was everything Kerri could ever dream of being one day. Her long dark hair was in a high ponytail, and her warm green eyes looked at Kerri without pity. Her aunt was stunningly beautiful and kind, and Kerri was nervous about making a good impression on her. 

Each time Sasha asked her a question, Kerri could only manage to answer in short, simple responses. It took Kerri until the end of the meeting to settle her nerves and feel comfortable around Sasha. 

“Is there anything you want to know about me?” Sasha asked her directly, and Kerri looked up at Sasha in front of her and noticed a ring with a set diamond on her ring finger. 

“Are you married?” she asked, pointing to the ring. 

Sasha smiled warmly and looked at her ring “Yes, I am. My wife and I just got married this past spring, and she even surprised me with the best honeymoon trip to Hawai’i.” 

Her aunt was married, lived in LA, and went on a surprise honeymoon trip. Sasha seemed to be doing great for herself, Kerri couldn’t wait to get out of the system if that life was possible for her one day. 

Sasha came back the next week and the following few weeks after that. It took a while for Kerri to warm up to her aunt, but she looked forward to her visits from the CPS worker and Sasha. 

She learned a lot more about Sasha during the following few weeks. Sasha owned her own wedding planning business in LA, which was one of the coolest jobs Kerri could ever dream of. 

Sasha didn’t mention her wife very often, as all she mentioned to her was that her spouse worked nights and they had been together for almost three years. Kerri didn’t even recall Sasha mentioning her wife’s name. She mostly spent the time during meetings listening and asking Kerri about herself. 

One day, Kerri came downstairs for another meeting, and she saw there was another woman next to Sasha. She didn’t remember meeting this woman before, she was a couple of inches taller than Sasha and had cherry-red hair and sharp brown eyes. 

“Who is this?” Kerri asked as she found her seat in the living room. She looked at her CPS worker and Sasha. 

Was this a new CPS worker? A new foster parent? A random woman looking to adopt a pre-teen? The last option was the most unlikely, but a girl could dream.

“I wanted you to meet my wife.” Sasha said, putting her hand gently on the woman’s shoulder “Kerri, this is Anetra.” 

Anetra leaned forward to give Kerri a pleasant handshake “Nice to meet you. Sasha has told me a lot about you.” Kerri noticed a faint scar over Anetra’s left eye as they shook hands. Anetra’s hands were long and willowy, a distinction from her athletic figure. 

Kerri couldn’t tell if Anetra was shy or didn’t have much to say at all. During the meeting, she watched Sasha’s wife (or maybe Kerri’s other aunt? She wasn’t sure what to label Anetra) and her reactions. Anetra didn’t talk much, so that was all Kerri had to go by to get a first impression. 

Anetra’s face didn’t change much either. She laughed with everyone, nodded, and smiled when appropriate, but that was about it. Kerri couldn’t tell how Anetra was feeling, maybe bored? Mad? Like she didn’t want to spend her afternoon with her wife’s niece in a foster home? Kerri had no idea what to think of Anetra. 

A couple weeks after meeting Anetra, the Department of Social Services granted approval for the Colbies to take Kerri out of the foster house for day visits. By this time, Kerri’s aunts were visiting without the CPS worker and taking her out for afternoon visits. 

These visits quickly became Kerri’s favorite time of the week. They took her to the parks in the neighborhood, coffee shops, and sometimes the beach (weather permitting). Kerri spent most of the time talking to her aunts and learning more about their lives in LA. She learned that Sasha started in wedding photography and recently got back into the hobby after their honeymoon. 

It took a while longer to learn about Anetra, but she learned that her other aunt did competitive taekwondo until she was about sixteen. But that was about it, Kerri realized that Sasha did more of the talking out of the couple.

One week, Sasha came by to pick Kerri up to spend the day at the nature park, but Anetra was nowhere to be seen. 

“Where’s Anetra?” Kerri asked as they got into Sasha’s small black car. 

“She had a rough migraine this morning, so I told her to stay home and feel better,” Sasha said as she started the car and buckled her seatbelt. 

“Oh, that sucks,” Kerri said. She wasn’t sure how Anetra felt about having a kid in her life since she was so hard to read. 

“Yeah, but her best friend, Marcia, is coming over and bringing her some medicine and food from our favorite Thai place later. So she’s in good hands.” Sasha smiled, pulling out of the driveway and down the street. 

Kerri’s spent barely two minutes with Sasha today, and she’s already learned two things about her elusive aunt.  Maybe Sasha could tell her more about Anetra while they were out today. 

“I think that’s the same one that Anetra has a tattoo on her chest.” Sasha pointed to a butterfly that was on a milkweed leaf in the nature center’s butterfly garden. 

“Oh, it’s pretty.” Kerri simply said. 

Sasha looked at Kerri, eyes full of concern “What’s going on? You aren’t usually this quiet.” 

Kerri took a deep breath, “Can I ask you something about Anetra?” 

Sasha nodded as she led them to a nearby bench, “What is it?” 

“Does she not like kids?’ Kerri blurted out without warning and saw Sasha’s confused stare before continuing.

“I mean that she’s hard to read, so I can’t tell what she’s thinking. She doesn’t talk much either.” Kerri said in a rush, hoping that Sasha would understand what she was saying. 

Sasha smiled at her, but not in a mocking way, “Do you know how many times I’ve told her that she has the meanest-looking resting face? Her scar doesn’t help much, either. She’s just a quiet person, but it takes her a bit to warm up to people.”

Kerri sighed in relief, “So it’s not that she’s bored or mad or anything?”

“No, and she absolutely loves kids. Whenever the florists at the store bring in their little boys, Anetra will come by just to play with them.” Sasha laughed to herself. 

The scar comment stuck out to Kerri after she felt her nerves from before untangling themselves out of relief. “Then how did she get her scar? If you knew her before she got it,” she asked, hoping it wasn’t a rude question. 

Sasha stood up from the bench and invited Kerri to join her in continuing their walk “I’ll let her be the one to tell you that story one day. It was scary when it happened, but we can laugh about it now.” 

“Really?’ Kerri started walking alongside her. 

“Yes, it’s a good reason we don’t have much glass in our house.”"

Weeks continue to go by, and Kerri notices that the visits with Anetra and Sasha change slightly. They never acted differently, and they still talk to her and take her to different places in San Diego. 

But at first, the visits aren’t as long as before. It wasn’t noticeable to Kerri when the visits ended about ten or fifteen minutes earlier than usual until it happened week after week. She never mentioned this change to her aunts, thinking they might not have been paying attention to the time. 

Then the visits become much shorter than usual. Most visits consisted of about half an hour of going to a park, talking, then dropping Kerri back off at her foster home and leaving to head back to LA. She tried asking why her aunts left sooner and sooner, but they always gave vague answers to Kerri’s frustrations. 

“We want to beat traffic on the way home.”

Or 

“There’s a meeting we need to get to.”

Or 

“We have something early to get to in the morning.”

Kerri grew more frustrated when she heard these answers to her constant questions. And with the frustration also came worry. 

She was worried about what the sudden change in her aunts could result in. Were her aunts not wanting to see her anymore? After months of visits, they decided they didn’t want Kerri in their lives.

Kerri tried her best to keep the negative thoughts at bay until Anetra and Sasha didn’t show up one week when they were supposed to. They didn’t call her foster parents to tell them they wouldn’t be there. They didn’t give Kerri a heads-up during the previous week. 

The driveway was empty all day, and Kerri would know since she watched it from the bedroom window until it got dark out. 

It was the saddest she’s felt since getting placed into foster care. She felt sadder than when her parents brought in an old suitcase and told her to pack what she needed. Even sadder than saying goodbye to her younger siblings. And much sadder than keeping her hair short and wearing hand-me-down boys' clothes for months. 

She told her foster mom that her stomach was hurting and didn’t want to eat dinner that night. Her foster mom gave an understanding nod and told Kerri she would keep a plate in the fridge whenever she was hungry. She stayed in the bedroom for the rest of the night, never getting hungry enough to get her plate until she fell fast asleep. 

Days later, her sadness turned to anger. Kerri felt angry at her aunts, she felt angry at her CPS worker, and she felt angry over almost everything in her life. How dare they string her along for months and then suddenly not show up when they were supposed to? How dare her CPS worker bring up contacting Sasha months ago just for Sasha to stop showing up one day? 

Her CPS worker was visiting that day, and Kerri was almost too pissed off to meet today. But she was required to go to these meetings, so she grudgingly headed downstairs when she was called. 

As she was answering the CPS workers with a hint of venom in her voice, there was a knock at the front door. She tried to keep her eyes away from the door as she heard Sasha’s voice thanking whoever let her and Anetra inside. 

Now Kerri felt like she was silently fuming. Her aunts didn’t bother showing up a few days ago just for Kerri, but they would show up to a boring meeting with her CPS worker when they didn’t even have to be there.

“We’re sorry we couldn’t make it the other day, we’ve just been so busy this week.” She heard Anetra explain as they found their seats on the couch. 

“Is that why your visits are getting shorter too?” Kerri asked her tone sharply pointed with her anger. She looked at her aunts, and both had small looks of surprise. 

After a few seconds of silence, Sasha spoke to her wife and the CPS worker “I think it’s about time that we tell her what’s been going on with us.” The other two nodded. 

Kerri tried to soften her voice “Tell me what?” 

What was going on with her aunts? Were they getting a divorce? That would have explained why they had been leaving sooner and missing visits. 

Kerri looked up to see smiles on Sasha and Anetra’s faces, and confusion grew as she listened to what was said next.

“We’re getting guardianship over you,” Sasha said in a gentle, yet excited voice. 

After a few seconds of the thought of guardianship settled into Kerri’s mind, she managed to say “You two? Want to be my guardians? You do?”

“We do, It’s been a long process, but we just need to sign a few more papers, and we’re approved to be your guardians,” Anetra said, as Kerri watched all the adults in the room carefully.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” she asked.

“We wanted to wait for it to be official before we said anything to you. We weren’t sure if the state would approve us since we’ve only known you for a few months.” Sasha explained.

“Does that mean I get to live with you in LA?” she was met with nods as she felt euphoria flood her chest. She’s finally getting a real home again, and a home where she’s allowed (and encouraged) to be herself. 

“We’ll be back in about a week to help you pack and move. I’m taking some time off work since it’s the off-season, and Anetra is taking a few weeks of FMLA so we can help you get settled and enroll you in school.” Sasha explained helpfully. 

“So what do you say, Kerri? Would you like having your aunts as your guardians?” her CPS worker asked, but already knew the answer. 

Kerri nodded and felt tears spring to her eyes. The two women in front of her noticed and jumped out of their seats, and gathered the pre-teen into both their arms. 

This was her first hug in almost a year and one of the best in her lifetime. She felt Sasha’s fingers run through her hair and Anetra gently rubbed her shoulder and back.

Kerri didn’t realize it until years later, but she was finally with her parents. They weren’t the ones who gave her life, but who would provide the unconditional love she always needed.

[tookishcombeferre]

Happy 8th Birthday Undertale!

It’s hard to believe Undertale turns 8 today!!

I’m going to be posting more of my fic (2 chapters) today in celebration, but I wanted to post something a little more personal on my blog.

In Summer 2022, I gave birth to a squish. Bean is incredible. I adore them.

One day in late Fall/Winter of 2022/2023 we were going on an Amma/Bean outing to just see some more of the world. I decided to play the Undertale soundtrack because I was feeling nostalgic and it was a style of music Bean hadn’t heard yet.

When I say Bean imprinted on “Death by Glamour” I mean they imprinted on that song to the point that I was allowed listen to nothing else for 72+ hours straight. If I changed the song, they would straight up banshee scream until I put it back on.

Eventually, I showed Bean MTT’s boss battle and we listened to the Man on the Internet cover of the song as well. (This was the only variation I got in listening to the same song for almost a month.)

For Bean’s six month well check, Dada and I decided to get them a plush of Mettaton mostly as a joke. We figured we’d put it in a keepsake box to give to them after they graduated high school.

Nope. They imprinted on it! Ton-ton had to go everywhere. This was to the point we felt the need to get them a second one for their birthday in case Ton-ton the original got lost or came unstuffed.

I’ve found my Bean’s bond with MTT to be kind of interesting. I’m the primary “stay at home” caregiver to Bean, but I’m an actor and writer on the side. I’m also a relatively femme-looking transmasc person. So, sometimes, seeing them holding, cuddling, and just now starting to talk to MTT like a best friend makes me kind of emotional. I see their empathy for people who are different. I see the kind of love that I’m fostering in them for my community. I have hope for the way Bean will accept me in their easy acceptance of the “KISS Doll” as my parents call him.

I’ve just moved back about 5-10 minutes away from my family after a long time running all over the country and state. That, and I just came out to all of my family this year. There’s been some good moments in that and some very painful ones.

Dada (my spouse) and I started playing Undertale around Spring of 2023. My spouse hasn’t really played the game in any significant way, but we started with True Pacifist because life is too sad to do anything else. We’re only just getting into Waterfall because, as new parents, we don’t have a lot of free time.

But, I’m looking forward to meeting Mettaton again. Because, as weird as it sounds, I feel like I owe him an apology.

When I first played the game, I wanted to kill Mettaton … so badly. I hated him because, in a way, he reminded me of me. So, I figured killing him would feel like killing the part of me that I hated. I knew I couldn’t really do anything to myself without hurting the people I loved in ways I didn’t want to - I might have been self-centered at times, but I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t just leave. But, I was playing with my friend at the time and she was very adamant about playing True Pacifist and nothing else. (I also managed to get a spoiler about what happens to Alphys if you kill Mettaton and that really put me off it because Alphys was my favorite.)

But, in many ways, I hated Mettaton in the ways I hated myself. He was merely a stand in for me.

I “ran away” from home and changed my identity.

I upset my family.

I could be over dramatic.

I had my manic moments.

I wanted fame in my writing and my performance, and I wasn’t shy (or all that humble) about sharing my big dreams (or my talents there in).

So, I look forward to meeting him again because I owe that trans masc robot an apology for hating him so much.

For, through the eyes of my child, (through no expectation or conscious thought of Bean’s own) I’ve learned to love myself all because of a silly techno song and an Etsy plush.

But, it all started with a lovely little game 8 years ago. So, thanks Toby Fox. Happy Birthday Undertale.

[tunawithsoysauce]

Stuff you might wanna know :3

about ~me~

Name: Finn/Todd Henriksson

Age: 13 (2011)

Swedish, third generation Finnish

Weird

Transboy

Bisexual

👆 the main stuff. Scroll for a bit more detailed bullshit.

▪︎I LOVE MUSIC!!! I go to a music highschool, my parents are musicians and I love singing and playing french horn. Fun thing, right!?

▪︎I'M TRANS (wow!) I'm transmasc, and have been as long as I can remember (I came out at eight, I believe?) And my pronouns are he/him! I'm a boy. Only boy.

▪︎I USUALLY DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOING (wha) I don't know what im doing. Most of the time. Id like to believe im kind and try to be good, but you know. It is what it is.

▪︎HAIR DYE AND ROCKS! (lmao what) i love dying my hair. And rocks. Not cool rocks. Just... rocks.

▪︎ART!!!! (YIPPIE !) I love drawing and writing and stuff like that. Very fun. Its like the only thing I do haha

▪︎NERD!!! (OFc) I love fixating on stuff. Which leads me to our next segment...

▪︎Interests (online)

The main ones AREEEE: *drumroll*

1. Doctor who! (My sister used to love it. She showed me it all and now im as big a nerd as she is.)

2. Sherlock holmes! (Or Sherlock & co. Both. Mostly just the novels. The BBC show if you make me.)

3. Good omens! Or Neil gaiman in general! (He's very cool)

Eeeeh otherwise im very obsessed with loads of stuffs. Just. Ask me if ive seen something, ill probably have.

Family!

▪︎Mum & dad! (My mum's mean sometimes. Not all the time. She can be good. She’s just... she has a diffrent way of loving.) (Dad! He's amazing. I love him.)

▪︎ main siblings! (I have two fully bio siblings. Otto, and Ruben. Otto is 6 and Ruben is 14. Otto is silly, my big brother is amazing. He's my true rolemodel :))

▪︎ half siblings (I DONT ACTUALLY CALL THEM HALF SIBLINGS)

A) -Anna!! She's the one im closest to. She’s the youngest (26) and has a cat and a fiancee (Jim.) Jim's cool. Very silly. He's also sort of a role model, for me. He's been in my life for all of it, I think? My sister had a boyfriend before that. He was very quiet. Anna is very nice and I love having sleepovers with her. She was also the one who introduced me to Doctor who!! We always have so much fun. She really likes the beatles. Don't know why I put that there. She just really likes them. Felt important.

B) Malin!! My middle big sister. She’s awesome, and She’s got a whole family. A husband (He's amazing and so so so smart i literally think he's so cool) which i think is very rad, and my neice !!! He's called Einar. He's 3. He calls me "uncle Todd" (AJSKSJJDKD)

C) My biggest brother Mattias. He's quiet, but also very awesome. His girlfriend is very nice too. She has green hairdye in her hair. :3)

▪︎FRIENDS!!!

I LOVE MY FRIENDS!!!

This includes:

1. Leija! We met in the beginning of fourth grade. She’s weird like me. And awesome. I love her.

2. Elsa!!! She's been my best friend all my life. Our mums know eachother. She’s kind and beautiful and always makes me happy.

3. Elvira!!! My mandatory lesbian friend. That's a joke. She’s cool. And very nice. She never speaks ill of anyone. She’s truly the kindest human ever.

4. Sofie!!! A non-binary chaos machine. I love them. They're always a joy to be around.

5. Max!!! My absolute best friend. He's amazing even though we barely met even a year ago. I visit him frequently.

5. Jack!!! (Love interest? Kind of dating?)

Side characters (wtf)

▪︎My therapist!! She's called Emma. Uh.

▪︎My father figure!!! Otto. Not to be confused with my little brother.

▪︎ My Swedish teacher!! I just think she's awesome. She’s also called Anna. Not to be confused with my sister.

▪︎ All my finnish friends! Jesus christ if I named all of the finnish blokes ive befriended id die typing.

▪︎ this random dude I met on reddit i haven't talked to for two months :D

▪︎Sofia!! A lady at my school. She’s awesome. She’s practically my step mum. She’s held me while I cried in the nurses office more than I can think.

▪︎ uhm

Hobbies!!

Mondays: french horn B)

Tuesdays: dancing!! (With Elvira:))

Wednesdays: orchestra!! (French horn)

Thursdays: TSS!! (A place you can hang out at)

Fridays: bugging my music teacher and playing drums with my bassist friend until I get kicked out!

School

As previously mentioned i go to a music school. We have music everyday. Its awesome.

I love swedish, music, art, english, french, and history.

I hate P.E, math, science and homeroom.

Bye :33

[crmsndragonwngss]

1,4,7 and 9 :)

Nah fuck it, I’m doing both!

1. three songs that come up when you put your phone on shuffle

Seeking Somewhere, by Monument Of A Memory Proxy, by Valis Ablaze Legion, by TesseracT

4. three songs that you know thanks to your parents

Many, but here are some faves:

(No seriously)

7. three songs you didn’t expect to like but eventually loved

Believe it or not, as much as I love Lorna now, I really did not care for this song in the beginning. I’m not real huge into deathcore (I have bands I like but it’s far from my favorite subgenre), and I did not vibe with this song at first. Obviously that changed. I tried it again when I was in a different mindset and fell completely head over heels in love with the whole ep!

Again, believe it or not, I didn’t particularly care for Ghost Atlas the first time I heard them. I was already an Erra fan, so I already adored Jesse Cash, but GA was so totally different from Erra and it simply wasn’t what I needed at the time. Then All Is In Sync came out in 2017 and their sound finally clicked with me, and I went back and ended up really loving this song in particular. This is also a great band if you like alt rock/indie rock.

Listen, way back in 2014, when I was discovering Erra and Amity for the first time, Psy’s Gangnam Style went viral for the second time in the States and a couple of BTS mv reactions had landed on lame ass “comedy” shows that my ex-bestie watched like tosh.0, and I tried to listen to BTS just to see what all the hype was about. I listened to this album and fucking hated it. I always give songs to the chorus to catch my interest before I skip, and I ended up skipping every track, but I really disliked this one. I could not pinpoint why exactly, I just did not fuck with it at all. Fast forward to like six fucking months ago and this is one of my favorite songs period, let alone one of my fave BTS tracks. I LOVE this song. I listen to it almost every day (followed immediately by cypher 3, not big on the other two cyphers, but I love these two). This is not the song that made me actually fall in love with BTS’s music, that distinction goes to a track from the same album (Tomorrow), but this one has earned a spot in my regular rotation for sure

9. three songs that get you in the Christmas Mood

(That is hands down my favorite Christmas song ever)

Of course

And Hark! The Herald Angels Sing, but no specific version of it

10. three favourite Halloween/spooky songs

Imma basic ass goth bitch, so naturally:

And because I hit the audio limit (lame)

Cry Little Sister, the theme song from The Lost Boys (and yes, I do actually prefer the original over the covers I've heard. BUT if anyone has a cover they like of it, feel free to send it!)

[lennons-lemonade]

i like, went to summer camp, came back, and immediately made this. that was a month ago but whatevs. anyways i came home and immediately fixated on the gaang. i just really wanted to draw them in a cuddle pile because i need to. plus i got to include appa as a dog and momo as a cat (which is the first time i’ve drawn either animal in years) and that was SOOOO awesome!!! this piece was a TOTAL trust the process thing. but it pulled through and it was amazing. ADDITIONAL FULL DISCLAIMER: UNLESS STATED OTHERWISE, NONE OF THEM ARE BEING SHIPPED TOGETHER!!!! DO NOT TAG AS SHIPS UNLESS I TAGGED THEM AS WELL!! ty:-)

anyways! here are some closeups of the characters!

since this is a modern kind of au i gave aang a grown out buzzcut. he kept his tattoos and back scar though because i have fun drawing scars and his tattoos are extremely important to me. he doesn’t exactly run warm, but it’s summer and it’s definitely warm out so he chose to sleep topless which everyone is cool with 👍🏻. he’s trans in this piece but since they’re like family (and i like it when trans guys are shown as comfortable with their chest as cis guys) it doesn’t make a difference.

i had a bit of difficulty imagining how katara would sleep (because yes, i thought out different sleeping headcanons for all of them). but i like how and where she ended up. i really like how close she is with zuko and aang, but i especially love how tangled up she is with suki! it’s still summer, so she’s in a tank top and shorts. but she gets a little colder than zuko and aang, so she gets a pair of wave patterned socks!

sokka was… fun?.. to draw. his hair was difficult but i had more references for him than i did for suki, so i made it work. he’s got a lot of little scars on his hands from fishing accidents, which i thought were fun details to include. i also got to draw armpit hair for the first time? that was interesting. he’s wearing socks, like the other characters that are from areas surrounded by water (his sister and his girlfriend). his socks have little boomerangs on them!!!! i was very excited about that!

suki oh my god okay. she is the most peaceful sleeper here. i gave her loads of little moles and scars which was fun! but tbh, her hair was a NIGHTMARE. not because it was difficult to draw, no it was easy. i just could NOT find any references </3. her socks are boring bc i didn’t want to draw koi fish, and i thought that would be the coolest for her. her shirt is a bluer green than toph’s since kyoshi island is surrounded by water!

okay so toph isn’t even cold, she just wanted to wear zuko’s turtle duck pajamas. as i did with suki, i gave her some moles and some scars. BUT no socks, because it’s toph we’re talking about. i also just now realized that she has canonically longer hair, but eff that. she chopped it off when she left her parents’ place. but sleepover stuff rq. the gaang totally thought she’d be a snorer and that she’d move loads. they got 1 out of 2 right. she is actually a SUPER silent sleeper, but she does toss and turn.

zuko is way prettier than how i drew him but i needed to do his scar justice and make a point. anyways , he’a also trans in this piece, why? because i’m trans and projecting. i headcanon that zuko generally runs warm, and with the other’s added body heat, i figure he’d want pajamas that weren’t too hot. so i gave him a muscle tank and shorts. his scar was loads of fun to draw and i wanted to point out that his ear has been affected by his scarring in this piece because it’s an important detail to me.

[smolbluegoblin]

I came out as trans a few years ago and I thought it was gonna be the biggest family "drama" my hometown was gonna talk about concerning my family... little did I know, my parents decided that now they were gonna be the talk of the town instead.

Incident number #1: Mother

My mom, after 25 years of complaining about my dad and his family, decided that about 6 months after their separation, she was gonna start dating my father's estranged brother, making the entire family MORE MAD at them both.

Incident number #2: Father

My dad, after swearing up and down he was done with relationships for good, ended up dating with my former highschool math teacher, who is a married woman. She's in an open relationship with her husband tho, and him and my dad became friends.

I mean, I'm chill with both situations, but jeez. Thanks guys, at least I'm not the talk of the town anymore ?

[the-official-account]

Episode 18 liveblog YIPEE!

Fewer opening notes on this one. I'm gonna attempt liveblogging AND drawing at the same time, let's see how that goes. I'm currently feeling very smug with my advertisement efforts and while I hope to get to spar and vellum today I realized I made Anya kinda thin and that feels...not right for her vibes. So I'm doing Anya again...that's my excuse JGLDKDHDIS she's so...she's like a purse sized friend

Anyways, beginning of this i was not in front of my art tablet so:

"we come as a pair" haha. Cute.

Cloven heart said OUR little brother figure [bugs bunny com meme]

Scientist with a radio tower.....max.....hm. interestinger an interestinger

Yeah josepha you might be the only person in town who wants cloven heart to be the "center" of anything. Why not sindershore? She already works....idk, there? Or in v.n

Vellum just pulls out the papers lmao. Like why not!

Max came up with the schematics... Did max disappear? Yeah. Hm. HM!

Josepha used to be a woodworker? Was I remembering that right or did my brain just make this up.

"We would talk to Thorne" 😬

MAX WHAT

THEIR NAME WAS MAX WHAT?

Did grey have like....a really shitty alias? How old was max??? Fifteen days ago.... Hmmm.

Vellum would know if his uncle was out of town for like 2 and a half months if there was overlap and it took like a day or half a day of a train ride to get back and forth. It's unlikely vellum wouldn't connect those dots

"I was on drugs when I named it I will be honest".josepha is SO good. She's lovely. She's so funny. Oh my god.

"This may not be to your taste of perhaps it is I do not know how you party vellum" NFOSBDKSHDO

"THINK I COULD ROCK THOSE"

"I ALSO DONT KNOW HOW YOU PARTY AGENT VELLUM"

Trying not to burst out laughing in public this is a struggggllleeee

"The belt has 3 slots for arcane cores" I would rather we not go looking for bombs.... But yk. Queer people have plenty of odd hobbies who am I to judge

Okay but like short distance teleportation for someone with a bad leg is a pretty banger deal

"Sometimes you wake up one day and you're retired" In THIS economy?

Also I'm mentioning this out of order bc this episode is being funny faster than I can type, but (I say this with all of the respect) was vellums "I'm sure I'll find other use for you" sultry or was that just Ila's voice? HFOSHSKSBSOS

Spar sounds so depressed. Give this sheep dog some enrichment!

Vellum being like 'Hey you're good we still need to find some more bombs!' he is in fact giving spar some enrichment

"Waiting for this boat and seemingly intent on returninf to clovenheart"

I just squinted with SO much suspicion that that would be diamond

"Is Brunhilde!!!" Dksgsud ok

"Do you say hi to your mom as you're pretending to arrest the chick you dated who you invited into her home on grounds of a repeat assault?" My god

Spar is ~5'8 tati is 5'3 very good to know

~ many hours later, now doing art stuff~

Vellum could fall on this face and STILL look cool

Anya spar and vellum having a snack has gotta go on my to-draw list (my mind is so fast and my hands are so not fast! Ahh!)

OH NEW MIDTRO isk if this was here last episode. OH SHITFUN FACTS? i love blorbo facts

he has written a SYMPHONY? The essentricism is genetic i think.... a smphony baout YEARNING FOR BELONGING? you are handing me a fic idea. NOTE: symphony driven by loss and isolation over being trans, having lost his parents, wanting to find a place where he's accepted

Smooth velvet is his stripper name this episode is just raining fic ideas, huh? (i am joking but also I am not joking. BUt im joking but im not joking....I am deciding if im joking)

DONT BE MEAN TO ISHBALA (spell chat tdb) SPAR!!!!!!

DONT BE MEAN TO GREGGINS EITHER!!! LJKSAFHGLKAHFGLAKSG

greggins binder generator.

[not episode related but im battling between having sincere thoughts about Anya's fashion sense and going "ooooh belly"]

I FEEL LIKE THIS IS PROBLEMATIC AND YOU'RE GONNA GET CANCELLED AND HERE'S WHY

ALSDHGLKASDHGASKGFASGD MY SWORDS A GHOST NOW OHHHH MY GOD I LOVE THEM

SEKITAN WAS A VICTIM....WOAH.......WOOOOAH.

ALTERATION RESISTANT BLOOD? HOOOOLY SHIT. WOAH. WOAH. WAOH MAN. WOW. FUUUUCK. i dont evne......

anya said hey your uhhhh. Your uhh special friend is little stressed. go makeout of whatever. THEY'RE WALKING ARM IN ARM LMAOOOO

ishbala just chose violence SO unprompted

[anya is drawn now for spar and vellum iterations i am...........Well to be fair i am Never very confident going in and it walways turns out okay!!!]

"*he puts a gun in vellums hands* its goot to know you're with someone who can protect you." s;aldfalsfdjaw awhhhhhhhhh!!!!!! SPAR DOESN'T GET PROTECTED SPAR IS ALWAYS THE ONE JUMPING IN FRONT OF THE BULLET DO YOU KJNOW HOW MUCH THIS MEEEEEEEANS TO ME?????

"when you got a good one you keep em" thats it thats spar

spar is correcting vellums stance and vellum must be SCREAMING inside lmao. Vellum focuses SO HARD on everything BUT spar directly behind him and accidentally becomes an expert

ARE THEY ALSO IMPRESSED BY THE SEXUAL TENSION

vellum, full on titanicking it with spar is trying VERY hard to respect boundaries and that is my FAVORITE kind of tension. "I am not making moves because i respect you as a person" is never not entertaining

STOP JUMPSCARING ME WITH THIS FUCKING KISSES I GASPED TOO HARD AND CHOKED ON MY SPIT HOLY FUCK. HOOOLY FUCK.

ughhhhh drawing kisses is such a pain but FUCK do i wanna.

oooh this new outro is so fancy!!!! i love the format changes that are happening here!

im torn between doing another episode tonight and saving it for tomorrow so I can focus fully on drawing.......ill feel out the vibes after i get spar's jaw right. LOVELY episode. spar is making moooooooves!!!!

@threeheartscast i almost forgot!

[creaturebrood]

a pretty good excuse (1/2)

sypnosis - You find your heavily-pregnant ex boyfriend on a tram-bus while on your way to your cousin's place for a party you don't want to go to. feat - Javier (OC, he/him)

contents - trans mpreg, labor pains & eventual birth, implied past assault/abuse, 2nd person POV, queer reader word count - 2842 words, goddamn

(if you think you've seen this before you're right - i initially posted this a day or so ago but tumblr nuked it so i'm reposting without the inline link.) (edit: it worked. i'll link my oc rentry some other way)

You were on your way to your family home for the holidays - one of your cousins always insisted on throwing this huge party feast thing to bring the family together for festivities. It was never anything you really wanted to go to, for "queer person having to visit their overwhelmingly cishet family" reasons, but your parents always insisted, not wanting you to drop off the face of the earth since you'd moved out a couple years back. None of them were openly bigoted, but it was clear none of them could relate to your struggles, and you were always outcast from the intricate social circles they naturally fell into. Unfortunately, their lack of obvious distaste meant you felt like you always had to come up with a good excuse not to visit them, and, well, you were already waiting for transport, so that window was closing fast.

A cool breeze, signifying the arrival of the tram-bus to the station, blew through your hair as the vehicle slowed to a stop. The doors slid open, you threw your bag back over your shoulder and stepped inside, and as you'd expected, the front of the tram was pretty full. Busier than usual with the bustle of holiday travel, of course, but it was just as likely some were still just commuting to work. You make your way towards the back, which was always a bit less populated… you're not thrilled by what you see. An ex-boyfriend, heavily pregnant, is in the far corner of the very last row of seats. He - Javier - was clearly trying to hide himself away, on top of being obviously very uncomfortable. You still catch one another's eye - he seems about as miserable to be sharing this ride with you as you are him. Hurriedly, you avert your gaze, and sit yourself down in the second-to-last row seat on the side furthest from him. The empty gap of space between your seats does not feel like enough distance in the slightest, and you quickly realize you cannot get the sight of him out of your mind. You'd known he was pregnant, it was even the source of the breakup, but this was the first time in months that you'd seen him, and his figure seemed almost grotesque compared to the other pregnancies you'd witnessed. Desperate for a distraction, you take your phone out of your pocket, shoving in your earbuds as the tram jolts and starts moving. You swear you can hear a groan coming from his direction before your music begins.

You manage to mostly ignore him for almost an hour, but eventually, the questions piled up. Whether his figure had been exaggerated in your head or not, what exactly he was even doing while you were trying so hard to ignore him being there. Whether he was thinking about you like you couldn't stop yourself from thinking about him. His belly was still burnt into your head, massive and heavy. You had to see it again, just to confirm - you tilt your phone onto its side, open the camera app, and switch to the front-facing view before angling it just enough to let you see him in the corner. He was almost… Worse than your brief initial glance, as bunched up as he could manage and clinging to the horizontal seat in front of him for dear life.

It was, honestly, hard to look at. Looking away was harder, though, and your mind fixated on him, squinting at your phone's screen to try and make sense of what you were seeing. As the tram came to another stop, you found he was trembling, too, rather than the shakiness you'd just assumed was caused by the natural bumps of the ride. It began to sink in that you might have to actually do something about this. More questions begin to swim in your head - why was he alone here, anyway? Maybe you weren't the only one he cheated on, you thought bitterly. How long had it been? A few seasons had passed, at least.

The timeline you recalled put another thought in your head. You were sure it'd been well over nine months.

God damn it, he was probably in labor. Irritated, you roughly stuff your phone back in your pocket. This wasn't your responsibility. You didn't have to interact with it at all - but you couldn't just ignore it, either. That'd be even worse, surely? He was a lucky motherfucker for you to be the one who found him, the city was dangerous for people who were vulnerable. Reluctantly, you shift towards the aisle, then stand, grasping one of the support bars to keep yourself up as the tram once more jolts into movement - you're not the only one, you see Javier's body tense and curl in on itself in time with the vehicle you're in. You can hear his breathing as you approach - ragged and sharp, his exhales lined with tiny, hushed whines - and no matter how much you'd demonized the man in your head since the breakup, you couldn't deny that seeing him like this was sort of getting to you.

There was no way you were going to show that, though. Not after what he'd done. Your voice is gruff, accusative when you speak to him, intent on getting some kind of answer before you were willing to help.

"Where's the daddy?" You ask. "Shouldn't they be here for this?" Your ex barely reacts, aside from pressing himself tighter into the corner, which was apparently possible. The fingers on his free hand - the one not clenching the seat in front of him - are pressed tightly into the fabric concealing his overburdened belly.

You force your eyes away from it, trying again to get his attention. Frustration was already rising in you, joining the bundle of other negativity you held about your fractured relationship.

"Hey. Where is. Your partner?" The impatience in your voice was obvious, now. Finally, you got a response. Javier meets your glare with his own, sharp and defensive. He looks utterly trapped. "Go. Go away," he forces out, in between ragged breaths. You feel your anger shift - but your stubbornness forces your annoyance back to the forefront. "Believe it or not, I actually want to help you," you snapped, your voice raised, but not enough to alert the other passengers. You weren't expecting Javier to flinch the way he did. It wasn't really like him - the standoffish-ness was, sure, but you'd never really seen him cower before. Blinking, you take a step back, re-center yourself, and after a moment, you quietly sit down beside him, taking off your shoulder-bag to place it on an adjacent seat.

"Okay," you begin, "okay. I need you to talk to me. Will you talk to me?" There was nothing but a small grunt in reply, and even that took a few seconds. Fine. "Where is the other parent?" Your question, and the rest of your demeanor, shifted as you let yourself analyze his reaction - you were more concerned than accusative, now. Your ex's head remained buried into the crook of his sleeved arm, and more seconds passed, feeling long and drawn out. Again, his voice is ragged when he speaks. "Don't know. Not here." "Are you.. Still together?" It would definitely be weird to leave your laboring partner on a tram in this condition.

"N- no. Maybe. Don't know if we ever were."

Well, you're not really sure how to take that. Had you fucked up? Maybe if you'd not rushed into conclusions - you cut yourself off, realizing you were doing it again. Hesitantly, you follow up - "did you ever want to be?"

Javier gives no response, but you didn't really need one. The lack of an answer was an answer in itself - maybe rushing to conclusions this time had been accurate. Silently, your brain started to go a little haywire. You should have heard him out, but no. You hadn't, and look where it got you both.

Regardless, nothing could be done about it now. You gather your thoughts, again. "I am so sorry. You don't have to forgive me, but I am so sorry." More silence. His form, which had steadied a bit since you'd sat down, was shaking again. "It's. Not your fault." "We can figure that out later," you cut in, before he can blame himself. It works, he shuts up.

Both of you are quiet now, slowly getting used to each other's company again. It can only last so long, though, before you see his abdomen constrict. Tired breaths become uneven as he holds them in, attempting to combat the pain, before eventually escaping as soft, high-pitched whimpers - this goes on for a few seconds, until his body goes lax again. His face is still hidden against his arm, but you can tell how worn down he is, tears soaking his sleeve. This whole thing is an absolute nightmare for you both, you can't stand doing nothing anymore. "Hey. Can I touch you?" You're reluctant to even ask, afraid he'll say no. For a moment, his bewilderment seems to outweigh everything else - he shifts a bit to look back at you again, and you clarify, "not like that". All you get is a noncommittal grunt before he returns to burying his face into his sleeve. "No? Yes?" Again, you get nothing.

But, while his body is stiff and tense, he doesn't flinch away as you scoot closer to him. You decide to test his boundaries - your hands encircle the one he's holding to his belly, lightly gripping it between them - you get no sign of discomfort or reluctance, but still, that's as far as you'll go for a while.

The air around you is tense, but it does eventually soften, and you take it as an invitation when his fingers finally begin to clasp around the hand beneath his. Bringing yourself even closer to his side, you lightly rub the back of his hand with your thumb - he seems to be growing more comfortable in your presence, almost managing to appear relaxed for a time before the next contraction hits.

Immediately, his body stiffens again, accompanied by a small yelp as the pain catches him off guard. You carefully attempt to guide him towards you, separating him from the seat he's clinging to and wrapping his arms around your neck instead as he struggles to force himself through. There's no attempt to fight back, and it's not long before he's pressed into you instead of the plastic seat.

Even with the contraction pain, he seems calmer - your arm wraps around him as his belly softens, and his body again relaxes. All things considered, it's a pretty comfortable position.. right now, it was almost like you and him hadn't broken up to begin with. Suddenly, though, that "relationship" had a lot more weighing on it - the delayed reaction that told you your ex was in labor forced you to also put it together that labor and pregnancy meant that there were physically babies in him that needed to come out - and that you hadn't actually been paying attention to the pains. You had zero clue what stage of labor you were seeing. Maybe Javier had a better idea?

"Hey, uhh. Have you been.. Timing contractions or anything? Do you know what stage you're in?" "…No?"

So much for that. His head lifts away from your chest, wearing an expression laced with confusion. You get the impression by how quickly he hides himself again that he's generally clueless about the whole process.

"You at least know you're in labor?" "Yeah. I mean…" A pause, like he's thinking, but it doesn't go anywhere. "No offense. Do you.. have any idea what you're doing?" "I. tried to avoid the topic." The way he says it comes off like an admission of guilt. "Maybe if I ignored it long enough it - it'd go away."

"That turned out well." "Shut up. Besides. it wasn't human. The… Father. I. Know you were there when your siblings were born. But. What good will human tactics even do here?"

You sighed, once more fishing your phone out of your pocket. "I suppose that explains some things. Do you know what we're dealing with?" "I think I remember it talking about the river. It said its culture is that of pleasure. I'm inclined to disagree-" The statement is cut off by a pained grunt, almost on cue. You activate your phone's stopwatch as his stomach distorts.

This pain seems to be worse than the last ones. His whole body grows so tense he's once more reduced to trembling, his fingertips grasping the back of your shirt tightly and his head pressed hard into your chest. Like before, his breathing becomes limited, transforming into small, shrill whimpers that come out in between long, breathless pauses. Javier's weakened body limpens before the pain lets up, but only for a few seconds - he takes a few strained breaths before stiffening again. Is he bearing down? With the amount he's straining, he must be. Why even try to time contractions if he's this deep? You turn your focus entirely to him, putting your phone back away and pulling him closer to you as you slide your hand under his shirt. Sure enough, his abdomen was nearly rock-hard.

When it finally lets up, he seems to break. "Help me," he pleads softly, you can hear his panic rising as it hits him that this is just going to get worse. "Get it out. I can't - I can't. It's too big. It's. Pressing. But not moving." Disjointed sentences devolve back into soft whimpers, you gently run your hand along his side. "I don't think.. You're dilated enough to push yet? If you're only now bearing down." He responds with a distressed whine. "How - how long? I can't -" you can hear his crying through his trembling words, now - "can't do this. It should - it shouldn't be like this. Never wanted this. It's. It's."

He seems to run out of will to speak as the tram slows again. There's still a lot of stops between here and your destination - you have absolutely no idea how much time is left until things get serious, and it's very clear you didn't have anywhere near as much time as you thought you did. On top of that, you do not like the prospect of going through any of this in public for various reasons.

"Where are you trying to go, anyway?" "…Away." "Nowhere specific?" "Just.. away." ".. Right."

You look up from him, taking in the city around you through the window. You could see.. A pet supply shop, a bunch of unmarked buildings. Your phone tells you you're about thirteen miles from your booking. The area seems.. Safe enough to stop for a moment, and the pet shop probably had one of those family restrooms.

"We're getting off here," you announce, having made your decision. Javier barely responds as you re-equip your bag, but he does react as you try and help him up - you have to catch him as he nearly falls, and he clutches your arm to steady himself as much as he can. Being upright doesn't seem to be doing him any favors, but it would be best to get to your booking sooner rather than later if you could at all.

"Why are we getting up?" He protests, a shaky arm encircling his belly. "We're getting off. There's a pet store here that still looks open. I'm gonna call a taxi to get us to the cabin I booked this weekend, but first I wanna check progress- see if there's even time." None of that seems to register except "weekend" and "cabin". "I- Mph. Tomorrow.." "… is a holiday. I know." "Oh."

You shake his shoulders lightly as the guilty look reappears in his eye, you know he knew your holiday arrangements. "Hey. It's fine, and we gotta go." "Mm." He won't budge. "Trust me when I say this, Jav. I won't miss em, and they'll only miss me superficially. Don't feel guilty for making me miss something I don't care about." He grunts, but budges a little bit - it's enough to get a move on, and you half-carry him to the door of the bus-tram, helping him down the stairs onto the sidewalk.

You take a second to get your things together before proceeding, and then promptly stop Javier from completely crumpling to the pavement as another contraction hits. It's long enough that you have to briefly sit again to wait it out, but thankfully, it doesn't otherwise seem as intense as the last one. There's a desperation in his voice when he asks if this is really okay. You tell him it is.

Besides, this serves as a pretty good excuse. (TBC)

[morganlefaye79]

I just got some very bad flashbacks. Earlier tonight I posted this:

at the time everything was fine but soon after a wave of dread came over me all the dread that I felt as a kid and young adult until I was in my early 30's. Because my life only started like 12 years ago.

Don't get me wrong, I have positive memories from childhood, but they are quickly replaced by so many that are bad that I don't want to think of them, but at the same time, I need them to convince myself that not everything was bad. It is hard to explain and I don't expect anyone to understand.

I was biologically born female, but I never felt entirely like one, all my interests were more likely towards boy stuff. Which was a big issue because at the time, boys and girls were more strictly separated. I was only allowed to play with boys when my brother was with me and he was already a prick when he was young. So I had often to play pretend to have friends at all. Especially since my life was very sealed-off from normal kids. (Kids from non-military personnel).

I was forced to wear dresses and little patent-leather shoes in the same color to my dresses (I still hate pastel pink). I hated it! I climbed trees with them so often until my mom gave up and dressed me in pants. I got all the new Barbie dolls from my mom which I either beheaded, or cut the hair off because I wanted to play with cars and Lego.

I had to wear my hair long, because girls do that, only boys do have short hair. My mom always escorted me to the hairdresser, that I couldn't tell them to cut my hair short, because she knew I would.

And there are so many more examples like this one that makes me hate my life.

When I was 19 I met my first love (I just left home and only left a note for my parents that I was going out) He was a drummer in a rockband. He was the one that showed me how to play the drums actually. I loved him, it took me too long to see that it wasn't the same on his part. He found it just cute how naive I was. Well I hope his balls still hurt from that hit he got.

The second relationship I had lasted 13 years, far too long I would say in hindsight. He was not abusive towards me in a physical way, but very manipulative so it took me 13 years and 3 mental breakdowns after leaving him to get a hang of myself again.

And for what? Just because I tried all those years to run away from my childhood, from those memories. From being called a female and trying to pushing me in that mold although I refused to fit in with all my might.

I'm next month 9 years in into my current relationship, I started to heal myself. Could breathe again and be myself. Only a year ago, I dared to tell friends that I felt like I'm non-binary, only 6 months ago I changed my pronouns on my socials, and only 2 months ago I told my partner because I was afraid to be cast aside. Which I know now was a fear that came from all what I have gone trough and not because my partner is an ignorant prick.

I thought often about a transition, but as of now I'm fine with just being able to be myself. Wearing the clothes I want, which are mostly hoodies and wide shirts. Although I'm more on the androgynous side, I cannot cover up my femaleness entirely because I was cursed with a big chest which no binder can make disappear.

Not long ago, Germany changed their laws towards trans/non binary citizens. I can now change my first name to something either neutral or to the other gender (which would be for me a male name), without any questions, which is actually great. A first step towards more acceptance for those of us that are different. So that we may not feel like that any longer and being allowed to be ourselves.

The punchline for this evening is: It is never too late to get your life back.

If you made it to this point, I'm sorry for the rant, but I feel somewhat better now. It seems I needed this.