#i can explain what i mean by this but itll have to wait

[lunar-wandering]

MACAQUE DOESN'T LIE.

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi casssss

is 9th grade too young to be in a relationship?

there's this guy i really like - he likes me too - and we're talking and he mentioned kissing me

(but hes like super sweet about how we dont have to do anything im not comfy with)

but like i want to

but i dont know at the same time

id have to tell my mom or shed be upset i didnt tell her

but she could either be like "aww" or "you are never allowed to leave the house again no more contact with him you are a child why are you kissing boys"

and i dont know which way itll go

and im going on a date with him on wednesday (a double date because my parents would not eveerrrr let me go out with a boy alone - which i kind of get but its also annoying)

and like what if he makes a move? and i want to say yes? but i dont want to explain the parents shit to him?

i just dont know. my mom said you cant love a ninth grade boy

but

ooooof okay.

I don't think there's any certain age to be too young or old enough to date (I mean, not five or anything but). It depends on when YOU feel ready. If you want to, then I think ninth grade is perfectly normal! But I also don't think it's weird if you don't. Plenty of people also wait until later to date.

As far as your parents. I would hope that if you're honest with them about kissing someone, they would be happy enough about that honesty to not to punish you, even if they don't agree with you kissing someone. Ideally, you want to have an open and honest relationship with your parents so you can ask them dating questions in the future if you need to. But I don't know your parents so I can't be sure how they'll react. The important thing, though, is to do what makes YOU comfortable.

Keep me updated! Naming you pumpkin anon

[witheringwidgetwrites]

an mc with echolalia repeating noises/words/phrases the demon bros say (especially things in demonic language) and some of them getting Annoyed thinking its you mocking them and challenging them (lucifer, satan) or that ur making fun of them in a demeaning way (levi, mammon) and the general confusion and possible angst from hurt feels bc they dont know this is just a Thing some humans do. i think solomon would get caught in a loop with mc tho especially during nightbringer era like sol makes a Noise, mc repeats it, they go back and forth bc sol thinks its cute n understands the stimming nature it can have and everyone else is just '???? did the humans break???'

sorry if this doesnt make much sense its 3 am for me but i saw the ask abt demons not rly understanding humans and was like. lets take it up a notch with autistic (and other neurodivergent) traits and behaviors. bewilder those bitches some more. also i love ur writing its so good thank you for all youve blessed us with <3

AutismCore me me me me me relatable i love this ask sm i am stimming rN

pls send in a req for the others! if i do all in 1 post itll be soo long (also if u want a longer one send in 1 character and we can get some real angst in here)

Lucifer is one who doesn't mind very much. He's used to the Anti-Lucifer-League mocking almost everything he says, so there's not surprises there. However one evening at the dinner table, he it comes along in passing.

"Yes, I've never quite understood if you enjoy my presence or not, as you seem to mock me so often, MC."

"Wait, what are you talking about?"

"I heard you the other evening, you were speaking of what I had said to you, repeatedly. If I recall, it was, 'Don't dally with the dragons, MC'," he smiles at you, but there seems to be a little aggression behind it.

"Oh no, that's not mocking, Luci, it's called echolalia! It's a symptom of my autism." You go on to explain, and it seems like a small wave of relief washes over his eyes.

"Very well. I'm glad we got that misunderstanding cleared up."

The one who avoids you is Mammon, he's only now been caught up to by you, as you sit into the chair next to him at dinner. It's mostly quiet, until everyone has left, besides you him, and Leviathan and Beel, who are having this own conversation. You speak quietly, "have you been avoiding me, Mammon?"

"Why'd ya think that? Maybe it's you avoiding me!"

"Well, I haven't seen you almost at all in 4 days. Everytime I see you, you turn the other way. You feel the sting of fresh tears start to burn in your eyes, and Mammon can't help but feel a little guilty.

"Why'd ya even want to be around me, I heard you mocking me. You were sayin' 'mammoney' over and over."

"No, Mammon, that's not it at all!" You furrow your brow, and more tears start to come forward. This is not the first time you have been misunderstood by someone about your symptoms. You go on to explain, practically pleading with him to believe you.

"So it's just somethin' some humans do? Really? I think Levi does that sometimes," he chuckles, a small blush gracing his features.

The one who is most hurt by the misunderstanding is Leviathan. For sure. He heard you saying "Ruri-chan" over and over to yourself and assumed you were making fun of him. He hid away from you for days until you caught up to him, and asked if he'd been avoiding you. You missed your best friend dearly. "Of course I have! I heard you mocking me! I thought we were friends." His frown was evident, and you had to pry to find out what he was talking about. "Leviathan, what in the world are you talking about?"

"I heard you! You said," in his best mimicking voice he could muster, "Ruri-chan, over and over."

You were quick to stop him, trying your best to explain. He was still hurt, but he did feel a little silly.

"Oh, I guess that makes sense. I do that too sometimes, repeat things when they're f-fun to say, I mean," he seems to trail off, averting his gaze. His anger had not dissipated, and he felt silly for ever being mad.

"I-I'm, I'm sorry for misunderstanding you, MC."

[livelaughlovekny]

Texting him for homework help

a/n: going to try out a new format + wrote this fic when i was meant to be revising a test but got sidetracked. anyways, you can see how bad i am at science and math HAHA

Summary: You text Muichirou for homework help and he helps you a little

  You flip through the pages furiously, nearly ripping them. You should have revised earlier but the fanfiction you were reading was just too good. Your brain is officially a blank slate. Giving up, you opened up WhatsApp on your laptop. His name was at the top of your recently contacted. Tapping into your chats, you quickly sent him a SOS message.

You help, i cant do this anymore

mint ice creamok

You ☹️ science isnt sciencing

mint ice creamok

You how the frickity frack does a fuse work like does it just like stops current????

mint ice cream are you serious 💀 it lets current flow through but if theres too much then the wire inside the fuse will melt and like current can flow through cos its an open circuit do you get it

You ty bbg YES ok and so explain what earth wire does pls its so stupid ☹️

mint ice cream 🤡

You plsplspls i dont get anything 😢 the slides sucks

  Muichirou rolled his eyes but opened up a new tab in which he searched for the chapter’s slides. Screenshotting it, he sent it to you, knowing full well what your response would be. Waiting for you to reply, he formed his response to you in his head, figuring out how to explain it in simpler terms for you.

You [Image]

idiot wow so helpful 🥺

You it literally just like conducts electricity to the ground like if theres a leakage then it will prevent the user from getting a shock yk 

idiot still a little iffy about it but ok

You its a test, you cant be “iffy” about anything

idiot ☹️ tbf its just a revision

You ok 💀

  Rolling his eyes, Muichirou contemplated explaining the concept to you again or just letting you ask him other questions. He patiently waited for you to send your message when he noticed you typing.

You i think ill revise science tmr can you help me with math

mint ice cream the test is tmr wdym 💀

You ik but im too tired of it ☹️

mint ice creamalright, what is it

You soo whats like the four congruency tests

mint ice cream shit are you serious

You yeah 🙁

mint ice cream 💀ok wait

mint ice cream SSS = Side-Side-Side = All sides are the same SAS = Side-Angle-Side = 2 sides + 1 angle are the same AAS = Angle-Angle-Side= 2 angles + 1 side are the same RHS = Right angle-Hypotenuse-Side = Hypotenuse + 1 side is the same

mint ice creamdo you get it 🤓

You lol ass and idk 🙁

mint ice cream i dont deserve the torture of tutoring you

You 🖕 ok but fr i actually appreciate your help 🥺

  Twirling around in your spinning chair, you waited for his response. You glanced at the messy pile of worksheets and textbooks on your desk. No matter how hard you tried, his explanations were the only things that you could somewhat get.

You you know what congruent means right

idiotyeah

You impressive. so basically after you prove that theyre congruent youll write “[] is congruent to []” right

idiot yeah

You ok then at the back you write one of the congruent tests like which kind of congruency it is

idiot ok

You 🤡

idiot shut up im tired idw to do this anymore oml

  Muichirou’s fingers hovered above his keyboard as he thought about how to respond. He deleted his original message and sent another one.

mint ice cream L

Bonus: <Original message: itll be alright, im here for you>  He knew how hard these stuff were for you and was honestly extremely glad that his explanations could help you, even if it was just a little.

a/n: im so bad at this oml i feel like im horrible at explaining math and science :( tbf i do suck at them and i wrote this for fun (comforting myself) HAHA

[aways-and-forever-alone]

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[Trust Me]

[Jeremy Frazier x reader]

[Summer: just as Jeremy Frazier thinks he's failed at a second life, he's give another chance. But at what cost.]

[TW: death, yelling, violence. Reader is called pale but not in "your white way" in a like your blood is gone, and is called thin but its because of how they died, sad ending, a very small talk of killing, ones self]

[Credit: Tim Burton, Michael Keaton, Larry Wilson, Danny Elfman, Seth Grahame-Smith, Miles Millar, Justin Theroux, Danny DeVito, David Katzenberg]

[Note:kinda prove read, i have dyslexia, spoilers! Had Mitski playing sooo... yea itll be a bit sad]

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P.O.V. Jeremy Frazier

One second I'm going to the human world the next I'm falling. I close my eyes and hope it doesn't hurt to much when I fall, but it is hell so it probably does.

But the impact never comes, instead I fell someone grab my hand, then pull me up...... out of hell.

I look up theres a person, they has slightly blue lips like they had ate something with blue die, and there skin looks pale like there blood was drained. There face was hollow.

"If you don't sign this I'll push you back" that the first thing they say, pushing a paper in my face. "What?" I ask I know what they said, the question was more about the paper they handed me "fine" they said reaching forward and starting to push me "wait, WAIT! ILL SIGN IT!" They pulled me back "I'll sign it" I say out of breath, trying to calm down.

"Good, here" they push the paper to my face and a pen. I rech forward. "What is this for" I look over the paper but there's nothing. I feel them start to push me, "Ok! God!" I mean it's this or hell. So I sign, the ink of the contract shows up. It bleeds on to the page, It says I need to help them kill someone.

"Who do you want dead?" I ask. "Someone you shouldn't mind killing" they answer.

They walk off leave me sitting where I one fell. I started falling in them, disappointed they didn't slow down for me.

P.O.V. reader

I led him away from the boarding pass, plays. As we walk I gave him the plan "Ok so, all I need is to find him, you won't worry about the rest" I say, the less he knows the more he be useful.

"I might worry, I don't even know who I'm helping kill" he said. Like I didn't know he's killed before.

"What did this guy do, is he your ex or something " he talked again. I laughed "I said it's someone you should want dead that implies you know him, tell me who could you have a problem with" he thought for a second "Real estate, the police?"he asked.

"What? No...... I'm not even going to ask, forget it"

"can I ask another question" he asked. "You just did" "what do you need me for, and why me" he ignored my comment and asks anyway. "I can track people, plus other things, I mean I did drag you from hell. He knows this, so he trick me to sign something making,I can't use my soul to find him. But if I use the eyes of someone else's soul-" he cuts me off finishing my sentence "you want to use my soul to fined him" I nod. "And it just so happens your desperate for life, and I'm willing to post pone your death" I put quotes around death with, my hands, because he already died.

"And when were done. What will happen to me" I what a moment then answer "you can't avoid hell" and that was the end of the conversation.

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We've stop for awhile. I tell him how we need a extremely high level of Spiritual energy, "Isn't all of netherworld spirituality" he said, and I explained that some areas had more energy like, the waiting room. The newest spirits had that just dead/closest to living energy. And it was very powerful.

And Regretfully so, I started likeing his Company. I even tried figuring a way to keep him alive. If I killed beetlejuice like pland, they I get him to fully trade lifes with the girl, that was with beetlejuice. He'd be alive like pland.

I would have find somewhere different then the waiting room, to meany witness, this will definitely go against the laws of death. And when I brake them I can't be somewhere obvious. So i have time escape.

As we walk, the silence is ended by another question."How did you die" after the question he told me how he died as I can only assume a attempt to make me more susceptible to sharing. And It work "poison" I answered, but came no reply so I filled the silence "the person we're killing, he tormented my family but left me alone, they.... got bad I guess and in self defense I killed them. The cops showed up. I knew they won't listen, so I took the poison."

"It was beetlejuice, that who where killing!" He said figureding it out. "Don't say him name, especially when talk of his down fall"

"Are you sure you can do that" he asked "we're all ready died" I stop finding a spot with a lot of energy. "Some more then others" he Whispered, but i was to buys make a plan "Ok, so I will touch your soul. Now if my calculations are right, witch most likely are because I've been working on this for 146 years, 3 months, 12 day, it shouldn't you at all. Any last wish before we do this." He think for a minute. he seems, Conflicted "I would like say good bye to my dad and mom, one last time" I think for a moment. "Yeah ok"

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He left on his owe, he would have to return because of our contract so I trusted him. I think of how I would never of know him if it wasn't for beetlejuice, maybe that clown wasn't all useless. Even if I can't track beetlejuice fiscally I'd watch him, wanting for a moment to attack, but him getting involved with the real world again mad it had, I only knew so much after that. It's funny how are greats blocks can fix the problem. I wouldn't even call Jeremy a problem. I'm happy I have him.

I made up my mind, I'll tell him that I'm going to get us free, and if he wants we can live together. And if he doesn't want me at least I helped. I use to call beetlejuice my unfinished business, but maybe it was being loved.

I waited and waited, I was getting worried what if the death force got him and he's back in hell, or what If beetlejuice knows and killed him. But just as the thought got worse he shows up again. "Hey sorry, mom talks so much" he laughed a little, he seemed a different. I couldn't plays my finger on it. Maybe he's scared of going to hell.

"Ok so-" I go on explaining what will happen and what to expect. "I won't be conscious, it'd be like I'm full energy" I go on. "Stand here" I reached forward and push my hands in to his soul, grabbing it. "This doesn't hurt right" I doble check, I know it shouldn't, but just to be safe "no.... no it's just weird" I smile "I can only imagine" I joke "Ok, I'm going to start, but I need to tell you something. I fond a way for you to live when we're doen, and maybe we can live together" he looks panicked, he stared talking but I cut him off "wait, it's a tra-" "Don't tell me your answer, think about it in till were done, I want you to want us" I smiled, unsure and scared, but hopefull.

The next few seconds where werid. My eyes rolled back and then I could see him, beetlejuice. He's in the human realm, at some kind of wedding. I pull out of the vision, the longer I'm there the more chance he'll find out. "Ok let's go" I say opening the door to the liveing world "wait-" he tried again "look I'm sorry if I made it werid, but it now or never. We can talk later" I say pushing him through the door, we open to a church, and I walk down the aisle, I could but find it ironic, this place was for heaven and life, but her I am with someone from hell about to kill for good.

"Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejui-" Summon him, but he's already in front of me. "Here's real fun" he said, randomly pulling out popcorn, then spiting it out on my face. "They burnt my popcorn, oh well" he said throwing over he had "this way darling, It's time to die" I was so lost. How did he know I did everything to keep this under raps. How could he kno- oh. Jeremy. He wouldn't, right. I look over, he looked sad, he did. Is that what he was telling me, that I'd been out started again. Of course, maybe it'd be better if I just went to hell.

Beetlejuice Burped, and then made the officiant of th wedding move, probably because he, him self couldn't touch, the hole water. As it burned me I didn't scream. I felt nothing. "Stop with that face you'll make me feel bad" Beetlejuice said, with a laugh that said how "sad" he'd be. This were my last moments, I could only hope Jeremy made the right decision.

P.O.V. Jeremy Frazier

They're gonna and maybe if I wasn't selfish, we could live together.

That option seems better know........

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Don't know what this is, but I put a lot of effort in it so. I know it's not to long, I have dyslexia so it's hard to write long Pieces, but I'll get there :> have a good day

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[marisoft-paint-adventures]

Pgs. 271 - 308

There are some dark forces you just don't want to mess around with. You understand this better than most.

I think it’s kinda funny how people will be all over the meta parts of Homestuck but act like it didn’t start until like halfway through the comic when you have the Exiles who literally make use of the medium of the comic’s command system in-universe.

I gotta bring up this GameFAQ section, I haven’t been talking about it much because it’s mostly just Rose in her prosey words describing what’s been going on, but here we have uh

a choice of words???

Removing the lid signals the moment your life becomes a great whirling batshit pandemonium, somewhat resembling the chaos of an especially ethnic wedding. Somewhere, a soused uncle deliberately shatters china on the floor. Muddy livestock is decorated, and then lost track of. The question "Who's mule is this?" at times can be heard over the din. This is now your reality.

I just... what???? huh???? excuse me????? Rose???? Hussie???? what did you mean by this???? what the fuck are you talking about??? bro????

things are looking FUCKED.

Homestuck except John’s sprite is the side-side-side-villain of the entire story.

Homestuck except John’s sprite is a racist.

also what is he doing.

EB: no, i have to go! bye! TG: wait wait TG: armageddon's gettin waged on us TG: but im-a gettin armed and dangerous TG: sending men in space for savin us TG: see which playa's more couragerous TG: ben or bruce? dudes reach a truce TG: put their blowchutes to use and up-suck it TG: afflecks saclifice, i mean -crifice, would have to sufflice. aw fluck it TG: bro be a stained-glass saint, up on a cross gettin hella christ-plagiarous TG: bruce's like offa that cruciflix, nuff a this fuckin savior-fuss TG: restrained his ass per mclane-redux while buscemi remained derangerous TG: when a plan gone astray pays off a wasted craterous TG: ash tray caterin to layers of matt maconnaheys vague remainder-dust TG: wait TG: uh TG: macconahey wasnt even in any of those meteor movies was he TG: ill have to make a rap about TG: i dont know TG: morgan freeman or something TG: being the president TG: itll be called TG: "obama made it so that no one gives a shit about black presidents in movies anymore" TG: see youve got to fill me in on whats going on TG: so i have something to rap about besides all your dumbshit movies

I very much like the visual of Dave being completely alone without anyone to talk to and simply resorting to making up a shitty rap called "obama made it so that no one gives a shit about black presidents in movies anymore" which is such a CinemaSins-style film critic thing to say might I add.

I have to give partial credit to Homestuck for the inevitable modern day memeification of Barack Obama, it was ahead of its time.

SHOCK.

look at John smile as he talks to Jade, how adorable.

and then Dave is still fucking going.

TG: when the film crew zooms where the presidents at TG: im like if that dudes black ill eat my hat TG: turns out he is, so we're all "damn, director's got gumption" TG: like we'll all flip our shit he aint shining shoes or somethin TG: its called freemancipation. if its not pres-election its god-ascension TG: in bruce almighty. whoops, different bruce from the one i just mentioned EB: aaaaaarrrgh! TG: cant explain to me why this aint condescension to think ill shit a brick TG: not even he can convey the intention with his quickspun wit TG: rather defray all this tension, sit on his lap while he whittles a splint TG: and some guy eyes what he does and patronizes: i guess negrocity's the mother of invention

There are some dark forces you just don't want to mess around with. You understand this better than most.

haha yeah Rose imagine falling into the dark arts, ha.

her ass is READING‼

I’m a big fan of the fake Lovecraft lore going on here.

god these intro pages for the kids are so cool.

but this one is not the coolest, there is a cooler one.

and then we continue onward and OH MY GOD IS THAT DAAAVE STRIIIDERRRR FROM HOOOMMEESTUUUUUCK?????

[upsidedowngrass]

you ever think about how, on top of the other assorted traumas the main cast had to endure, they now have to deal with the fact that they know what the afterlife is like, and it sucks?

i DO and i think about it a LOT!!!

as is. probably expected. i think abt it the MOST wrt liam. because the way i see it, he does NOT like dying at all and he also KNOWS what it Really looks like. he KNOWS that theres nothing actually there, and all he knows of the waiting room is 1. a radio that is basically a device that is most likely to just get you killed, and 2. if you dont use the radio, you are trapped Forever. thats. not a pleasant way to view what awaits you

i actually think that eventually the waiting room would come to look like Something for liam years later once he gets home, and that it just looking as it truly is to him largely has to do with the immediate traumatic experiences he was going through all the times he saw it (something something, the waiting room showing you what you want or something you miss etc, but him not having anything to go off of because hes not thinking of much and is a bit detached from the stuff he COULD be thinking about, blah blah blah. my ideas on what determines if you see smth ARE a bit rough bc its so vague tho i also tend to think it has smth to do with if you were 'supposed' to die at that moment, like how stones knowledge of stuff clearly favors certain events over others. its hard to explain and i dont wanna derail this post. its not completely relevant) and that, once he Dies dies itll be Okay! but i think the fact that he knows what the waiting room can be at its worst would probably assume that, when he dies, everythings gonna suck for ETERNITY and id. imagine that is a very haunting thought process to have. i think death scares him a LOT because of this (he SAW julien, and i think the idea of that happening to him and no one ever helping , since it was so unlikely for julien to be saved anyway) and its. probably one of many things hes gonna HAVE to work out in therapy or smth . the guy went through TWO situations where he was trapped somewhere for Possibly Forever, the idea of that being what hes doomed to experience For The Rest Of Time is probably Not Pleasant and Not Helped by his other trauma

the other characters i think have a very different view of it, but not necessarily in a 'better' or 'worse' way . but its because all of them DID see soemthing in the room (or in amelias case, likely wasnt there long enough to even know WHAT she was looking at, let alone assess it.). bryce eventually saw it for what it was yeah, but he def KNOWS what it Can be. for bryce, then, i think its also. complicated? because it seems to be a tipping point for him in the series. and i think its because, when things go wrong and theres no Direct Person To Blame, hes like. almost sluggish? idk how to describe it, its almost similaar to how liam responds to things being fucked up, but feels fundamentally different, and hes just kinda There. if i had to guess, that has to do with his preexisting trauma and how he responds to it, but he generally comes across as if hes in shock the Whole time. the fact that he Died, For Real is uncomfortable to him, but it doesnt seem to mean Much wrt what the room is Showing him. i think the fact that its 'not real' is irrelevant, and i think thats ALL him. because its the exact thing he would Want to be real. id imagine its very dreamlike. and most people jsut Go Along with things in their dreams

even when he comes to see the room as it is, it seems to have more with the fact that him and liam had to work together for a WHILE. we dont know how long they tried to get to stones world (other than that they were killed More than 20 times), but its safe to assume they Didnt realize theyd be able to get BACK home (given bryces surprise at teh san francisco note). so when they actually find stones world its like. bryce DOES care abt liam, and has the whole time (with him going up the smokestack being the biggest indicator. 'i want my car keys back,' as many have pointed out is. a reason, but an obvious excuse). the notes ARE saying something, texty JUST found something important. but liam is upset to not have gotten ANYTHING out of dying 20 times, and while bryce was mostly just Going Along before, now it seems like theres an Actual possibility they could stop airy because they just DID, and liam DOESNT notice it??? and i think, then, his primary goal becomes something the room cant replicate, not really (side note, that we dont see what bryce sees because its a Show. and i think many people assume Right when texty brought them back that he saw it was. but i think it Stopped showing the suburbs AS he was talking to liam, hence the surprise! i imagine it was visually similar to when a setting changes in a dream. but thats not important to this post). from here, he doesnt seem more OPTIMISTIC, but it seems like hes more. content? determined? which i imagine has to do with 'thought he was dead Forever, and was in shock' -> 'thought he was dead Forever, but might be able to help the other contestants! which is good!' -> 'hes NOT dead forever. but like. he STILL can help them!' which i think is a weird combo of Good News and a New Goal RIGHT after smth Super Fucked Up

anyway, the conclusion that tangent was supposed to visualize is that. i think the waiting room might be. mostly positive to bryce??? but in the same way someone might think positively of something saving them from smth fucked up. like that isnt to say the bryce likes it but i think its a complex appreciation?? im not sure. he talks a lot abt how he doesnt want to throw everything away Again, and i think the waiting room almost Contradicted everything about that? like. dying SHOULDVE been the end of everything. but it??? wasnt??? it ultimately didnt help anything substantially, but like. he went through All That and came out alive, somehow? endorphins were probably also at play

but then also it DID lead to him dying 20+ times. so its certainly not just positive for him. but i think overall this would make how he feels about the waiting room. pretty complex? and probably confusing for himself. given that he saw it as it was for a relatively short amount of time, and the two didnt take too much time trying to figure out WHAT the room even WAS, i dont think itd be easy to connect everything together. and it wouldnt be unreasonable for him to assume that itd be the suburbs if he ever went back, or that if it WAS that orange and pink place, maybe thats not fully bad? but eeither way, itd certainly be disorienting to think about. i think the idea of it not having been Real would be confusing and maybe a bit upsetting, but he doesnt strike me as caring TOO much if its 'real.' though i think the idea of spending the rest of existence in something Fake would also be. unnerving

charlotte also definitely saw Something. its never clarified WHAT, but the fact that she saw something is Clear. and i think shed probably be affected by it in a more subtle way, because she NEVER saw it as it was. as far as she knows, when she died, she was shown something (and likely someone) that she wanted to go to, so i think shed see it as mostly a positive place. a very desirable place to be!!! but that has little to do w how shed feel abt dying itself. because i think the idea of death not being smth Bad would be comforting, but also the act of dying itself would be the unsettling in itself. that, and the fact that she can be brought back Easily, potentially. which ALSO isnt necessarily negative but also i think would be Weird to think about. that you can be somewhere great forever, for the rest of existence, but at any moment that place could be taken away. Really, its not that much different from the trauma of the plane (though, given her life beforehand, the idea of being taken from someplace definitively Good might be more unique to her having died) but its likely smth that would Still impact her

amelia then is the most complicated to figure out out of the four? bc we dont even know how much she SAW. it likely wasnt MUCH but like. she seems to know she Died, at the very least, and knows how temporary it Can be (however unrealistic that may seem) . as such i think her feelings on the waiting room are probably hazy, and what ideas she DOES have are closer to charlottes. most of what she knows about it would likely be based around what the others tell her. really, for amelia, i think the more haunting aspect is the Dying part. i think it affects her sense of self, and that having been brought back partially Didnt happen. that amelia died, and scenty was respawned. as such, i think the waiting room COULD be a negative concept for her, but only on account of it having been the last thing that the idea of amelia probably ever saw. that, or the first thing the idea of where scenty begins starts. just a extremely brief glimpse into somewhere dreamlike, and then a huge shift in self. i think post canon this feeling of having Died lingers a LOT, and what would haunt her about the afterlife has more to do with the idea of ANOTHER loss of self. which would also have to be smth Worked out in therapy or smth of that nature

basically i think they all would have verrry different thoughts on the waiting room , but even those among them that dont have a completely negative view of it wouldnt necessarily see it positively. and i think itd suck for them . SO bad. but i think someday it would maybe suck a little less!

[poems-of-a-lover]

nick watches spiderman. again.

i have done this so much. the first movie was so long. this ones even longer. by like ten minutes but still. ANYWAY LETS GET GOINGGGG IM SO EXCITED

it should be noted that i spent thirteen dollars on this film and its so worth it

the opening music is SOOOO GOOD

this little motif that plays here is played a few times thru the movie and i love when movies do that sjdhfksjd its so fun to have little music cues that carry over thru the film

i heard someone say this was their least favorite spiderman and it breaks my heart i love it sm

anyway. richards killing things.

so basically hes killing the little spiders they worked on and just kinda running off rn

this is a surprise scene thatll help us later

i know what hes doing and why hes doing it but its a secret so i wont say until it comes up

OMG HEYYYY SO REMEMBER IN THE FIRST FILM WHEN THEY WERE PLAYING HIDE AND SEEK. THAT COMES BACK NOW.

he was recording a little video diary thingy =]

okay droppin him off at mays weve seen this part already

i know its important but cmon. places to be.

yippee mary and richard on the plane!!!

DUDE. MARY DIDNT WANT THIS. "did you see his face? hes never gonna understand. hes just a little boy." SHE DIDNT WANT TO PACK UP AND LEAVE HER SON THIS ISNT HER FIGHT AJKGHKJAHGS JUSTICE FOR MARY PARKER

"we're going to spend the rest of our lives looking over our shoulders, never feeling safe. we cant do that to him." funny u say that richard

okay mary is off to the bathroom. in walks flight assistance guy.

i feel like i gotta explain every little detail of this film bc it means so much to me and i need u guys to understand KJGHSKJDGH

flight assistant guy is washing his hands off and theres a little bloodddd on himmmmm yikes

richard sees but doesnt say anything bc obv

oops flight assistant has a gun. and hes locked mary in the bathroom. and he has a parachute. and he stole richards laptop. AND HE HIT MARY WHEN SHE ESCAPED.

fight sceeeene marys down

this scene is fun but theres no way in hell richard parker would be able to fight AND WIN

the planes going down they shot out the window

flight assistant guy is now out of the plane JKGSKJHGJK richard and mary go down with it but marys already gone before they crash, richard dies in the crash as far as i know, like thats whats implied

parents dead. time for spiderman.

PETERRRRRR PETER PARKER GUYS LOOK ITS SPIDERMAN ITS PETER HES ON SCREEN GUYS GUYS LOOK ITS PETER

THIS OPENING SWINGING SEQUENCE. I WANNA BE HIM SOOOOOO BAD U GUYS HAVE NO CLUE.

FUN FACT the movie made a mistaaaake and i caught it like my first watch. so theres this truck carrying plutonium that was stolen from oscorp that peters abt to go catch, right? and they say that plutonium is highly explosive. WELL ITS NOT. PLUTONIUM 238 IS BARELY A DAMN FISSILE ISOTOPE. SPIDERMAN. ITS USED AS A SOURCE OF HEAT AND ALPHA EMITTERS FOR SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH. STUPID MOVIE. and look they couldve just taken the name or something bc it sounds cool but cmonnnn its wronggggg

yeahhh the driver of the stolen truck is aleksei sytsevitch. remember that itll come back later.

this chase music is so good i love the score for this film

another motif here while hes swinging that comes back later ehehe

we are nine minutes in. argh.

"hey, mr criminal? hey, my names spiderman, you can call me webhead, you can call me amazing, just dont call me late for dinner, you get it? not a shaker, areeee you a hugger?" "i am killer!" "woah, okay!"

makes me laugh every time its so dumb

peters banter is so fun in this movie i love it so much

omg max dillonnnnn okay so hes walking with all these blueprints and they fall into the street and no one helps him but peter. guess if thatll come back later.

peter catches all the vials of plutonium. except for one. hes a bit dumb.

okay so peters o the front of this cop car and he looks over into the cop car next to him and who does he see but mr stacy! from the first film! "nick thats impossible hes dead" oh just wait GKHSKJDGHDSKJ

HIS RING TONE IS THE "spiderman, spiderman, does whatever a spider can" AND I LOVE IT

HIIIII GWEN MY WIFE I ADOREEEEEE THIS WOMAN

oh yeah theyre graduating today and peters late bc hes in a high speed chase. if i was allowed to decorate my cap it wouldve been spiderman themed.

HER SPEECH AGH im not gonna quote t bc its so long but it means the world to me

oh yeah aleksei sprays peter with the windshield wiper water thing i love that

gwen stacy the woman u are

again i love how they did gwen like they didnt just make her a basic love interest like in tobys films they actually gave her depth

OKAY SO. PETER RUNS ON STAGE TO GET HIS DIPLOMA. AND HE DOES THE DRAMATIC DIP KISS THING TO GWEN. APPARENTLY THAT WASNT SCRIPTED. it couldve been but its so much funnier to think it wasnt

HIIII AUNT MAYYYYY

theres a deleted scene here where the graduates are with their families where flash runs up to them in his cap and gown all excited and he tells gwen like "i made it i knew i could bc u believed in me" and they shouldve kept it bc it makes me so happy

"i know the next thing your unvle ben would say, dont just follow the path, make your own trail" "ralph waldo emerson" "no" "what do you mean, no?" "ben told me he made it up!" I WISHHHH BEN WERE HERE

ugh the way they both laughed over ben i love these two

aunt may says that she wishes ben were here and peter goes "yeah, and my folks" and mays smile drops a bit, her demeanor changes ever so slightly and she just "...yeah" THIS DOESNT SEEM IMPORTANT AND ITS NOT BUT IT MAKES SENSE LATER

im gonna finish this scene then continue in a rb this is getting long

i love that may tries to take a photo of peter and gwen and gwens like "cheese!! =D!" and peter is so awkwardly stood there like "cheeeeeese 😐"

she invites him to dinner with her family and she says shes gonna do her speech for him "over and over again, all night long" bc he missed ittttt aghhhhhhh

THIS. THISSSSSS. he watches the stacys take their family photo and then mr stacy appears in the background, and we flash back to the first film, his death, where hes telling peter to leave gwen alone. i am soooooo sad.

okay this dinner scene is devastating so! next post! i love this movie i have so many thoughts and were only 17 minutes in

[yoinkschief]

im worried were blinded by the waiting 9 years for this movie of it all and were gonna rewatch it sometime for [REDACTED] and itll be not as good as it was today

Not at all I swear this movie was genuinely super good

Teeny tiny spoiler warning:

I see a lot of people shitting on the scene with Abby and the animatronics building a fort together but I think it's super fucking crucial to have that in there

Not only does it serve at a scene to get Mike to eventually take the offer, showing him them that "oh we're not so bad ! Look at us ! We're friendly and we'll take good care of Abby because we're kids like her :3" which I think does give him a reason to say yes at first before instantly regretting it, realizing that in fact he's the only one who should protect her, because he's finally realizing you can't have it both ways and not wanting to fuck up the only chance he has of any sort of "redemption", but also because THEY'RE KIDS

In the games it's not really explored all that much that there are CHILDREN in those suits because, well, it wasn't important in the game until I'd say FNaF 3 (that's when I think Scott actually started caring about the lore) so he kinda blocked himself off from being able to actually explore that, hence the books

But even then I don't think it was fully explored that they never really grew up, that they're still just kids even after the twenty years they were stuck in those suits, which we never get to see explored as much as it is in the movie, explaining that they ARE STILL KIDS, still wanting to have fun

Also I hear criticism about the drawings aspect

NO

GENIUS

MAKES SENSE CAUSE AS A KID WHO WAS VERY DRAWN TO DRAWING THEY'RE SO REAL FOR THAT

Creative outlets such as drawing, writing, painting, etc. Any sort of artistic medium is an outlet of ones self, as that's what makes it art

And it's a running theme throughout the entire franchise of fan art, I mean it never was a really big thing until the movie, but it still sells because it was always there:

The paper plate puppets, the crude drawings, it's all apart of the fact it's a KID'S ENTERTAINMENT PLACE

Think of Chuck E. Cheese's, they get tons of fanart from kids because they love Chuck E. Cheese, they love the little rat guy so they draw to show their appreciation, they write kind letters, etc.

The biggest criticism is about how the drawing change at the end was stupid and while I can say it seems cheesy, think of it this way:

This truly is the only way that they know how to communicate

They can't talk, at least no one but that fucking blonde kid but I'm not getting into him right now

And they were kids when they were murdered, for all they knew, Spring Bonnie just wanted to get a picture with them that they could show their parents, or was just trying to help them find their parents now that they were lost, they couldn't possibly understand what was happening

Until Abby drew that picture and showed them that he was holding a bloody knife - they say what happened to Vanessa and I'm sure they're aware of what murder is after what they did to protect themselves when they felt threatened, they just never thought that Spring Bonnie, their beloved hero, would ever do that to them

Again, until Abby brought that to life

Also Matthew Lillard's performance trumps all criticism holy SHIT

[pinnithin]

long kind of sad gay poast ahead

saw something about loving the unlovable and it got me thinking about how its a central theme in most of my writing. paired with like, isolation, being separate/other, the doomed concept of human connection, being the only person who can love and understand you the way you need, etc - i watched evangelion way too young if you couldnt guess.

anyway and this is due to the fact that a core part of my identity and personality revolves around the fact that i considered myself unlovable for the majority of my life, first unconsciously through childhood neglect, then by choice as some "you cant fire me i quit" teen angst sort of thing, then by a doomed sense of resignation all through college. its a significant part of how i see myself even now after years of working to unlearn it - ive managed to dial it back to "im difficult to love" which still isnt great but yknow. better than it was

which is why i have attachment issues and preferred one night stands for a long time. my romantic relationships (many of them short lived) have been with well meaning partners who assured me constantly that like, even though youre difficult to love its worth it. and that was all nice and good but it made me feel so fraudulent and disgusted with myself because it put me in the position of thinking either 1) this person doesnt actually know me that well at all or 2) i have somehow tricked this person into thinking under all the baggage theres someone worth loving. which is something i find difficult to reconcile with because the baggage is me too. i cant get rid of it. inevitably those people got wise and it ended up not working out.

by now have all these arguments and strategies geared up to explain to people who make the mistake of caring about me that its really not worth the effort, we're better off as friends or acquaintances, etc. im very transparent about the issues i deal with so its all just laid out there from the beginning and im not like, tricking people into being in a relationship with me or whatever by hiding it. ive talked in circles with exes over and over along the general lines of "im difficult to love" > "no youre not" > "i have xyz wrong with me and i push people away, trust me you dont want to deal with this" > "okay well we can work on that, and youll get better and itll be worth it" > "what if i never get better" > "you will, ill help you" > [me relenting bc im unable to dash their hopes and dreams that even if i Get Better im still Me at the core and the things that make me difficult to love are a permanent part of me]

the relationship im in now doesnt even let me get into that. shan is just like, youre not. youre not difficult to love, youre actually very easy to love and it has always been easy to love you, even before we were dating. and i dont have a comeback for that.

even with my usual strategy of "heres an itemized list of all the reasons dating me is a risk" theyre just like well sure, thats difficult for you to deal with, and im sorry its so hard for you, but that doesnt make you difficult to love. the loving is easy. that part has always been easy.

she doesnt treat me like a problem that needs to be solved she doesnt try to be my savior from myself she doesnt give any indication that shes just waiting it out until i reach a certain threshold of acceptable or unacceptable. she just loves me and trusts me to take care of myself, and it places a lot of personal responsibility on me to be better - not for us but for me, because im the only person who can do that and they know it.

its the healthiest relationship ive ever been in and ive never felt so safe and free to be myself. i dont need to live up to any expectations to eventually make myself lovable. im easy to love. hard thing for me to believe in self practice but going back to the inherent disconnect between all humans, who am i to know or control what they consider easy or difficult? i dont judge her when something she finds difficult is easy for me, so why wouldn't the opposite be true?

[wrestlezon]

aew dynamite 11/16/22 liveblog containment zone

startin' today's show like 45 mins late (again)

claudio & danielson vs jericho & sammy

is this a tornado tag bcc elbow time oh it was just them being wild, this is a regular tag match claudio is so strong. big lift i still need to buy the ppv… the idea of telling my friends to wait until its on the crimesites to see max become aew champ is pretty funny though itd be funny but theyd rip me limb from limb danielson lookin good and doing cool moves. im not a danielsonsuperfan (he doesnt do anything for me) but i can appreciate the man im glad he doesnt spraytan classic Baseball Bat Move sammy yelling at danielson again: "I hate you! i hate you so much" sorry last time was so fucking funny. "i hate you you stupid dragon" LMAO i love it when they do a forward roll into a tag. sometimes it feels so extraneous bullying danielson… claudio out here Tossing Guys around oooo bowens vs swerve is up next lmao i thought danielson was going to slam sammy into the cameraman. but no it was the corner post slam slammy danielson yes kicks! sammy biting all match cool lionsault by jericho crowd sounds weird. are they just quiet or are the mics off not that i blame them for not being hype for the nth bcc vs jas match mesmerized by claudio spinning jericho... woo the bcc win

video promo of moxley vs mjf

very cool. i liked moxley's evil laugh my friends are crooning about their favorite special guy mjf now

commercial…

darby short film

darby being a black and weird film weirdo is a cool thing. too bad about the everything else tho

backstage with lethal's crew and jeff jarrett is here too

theyre hooting and hollering

bowens vs strickland

we getting raps im hip and with the times and i understood the references to current events oh its music video time! lmfao stokely used up their dick word allowance for the rest of the year. itll be bleeps from now on that certainly was a rap. im nodding and clapping, max caster my friends pining for visual confirmation of maxwell and caster being the same room together

we starting the actual match off with looney tunes shouldertapping man bowens is good so is swerve. i love watching swerve wrestle throwing bowens right into the front row!! cool pose swerve. thanks oof. bloody lip pushups… aew fight forever game winning "best sports/racing game" at gamescom and i got confused and wondered why they put a racing segment in this wrestle game yeowch that arm kick swerve won! but did he kill bowen's shoulder… is there Lasting Effects...

video promo of jade vs nyla

i love the conflict between these two. tbs champion vs "tbs champion" is such a good bit. i hope nyla wins she is SO good on the mic and also funny. if nyla loses i will go insane. what else is there for jade to do!

samoa joe! promo in the ring

ring of honor time oh yeah he needs to explain himself for turning on wardlow huh i mean its pretty cut and dry. hes a serious tough guy and doesnt take any guff. why would he take guff from WARDLOW. hes SAMOA JOE oh! its powerhouse hobbs telling joe to get in line he's been kicking wardlow's ass this whole time! oh now its wardlow's turn to come out the classic sneak up from behind attack lmao the locker room runs out to stop them! not even bothering with security when samoa joe, powerhouse hobbs, and wardlow is involved wardlow slams all the security off him and the dark order are just like hmm actually go ahead we're not gonna stop you (this is good and i love the dark order) whoa cool flip out of the ring by wardlow

commercial... 2!!

backstage promo by britt baker

oh she mad doesnt baker have the uhhh owen hart championship thing? remember that? i forgot about it. it feels like its been a very long time since ive seen it serious britt baker dmd promo itt. preddy good

top flight + ar fox vs death triangle

oh HELL Yes im glad darius is back. im excited to see him wrestle! death triangle has SUCH a cool and stylish intro wow! arizona and san fran aew shows? :)c wrestling ar fox with the tumbling and rolls. hell yeah! hes smooth his ringpost flip has such movement on it pac just sits and they fling him into the air for ar fox's attack! that was a cool bit! death triangle triple team move on ar fox in retaliation ah its pip time. everyone chill down the commentators are goofing again penta jumping off the corner to do his special move: Ultimate Taint Dropkick the areola, or as taz likes to call it: the Dot on the Chest whoa loud kickhit on ar fox from penta the commentators are still being cheeky. taz: if youre 23 years old-- nothing should be rusty! EVER! top flight leapfrog moves :)c whoa that dante-flip-over-darius-dive move was cool i could barely perceive ar fox's insane top rope somersault nooo theyre gonna make ar fox take the pin?? hes cool though! well… i guess someone has to whoa rey fenix's insane tope pac's special move: Big Spinny Flip. and a pin! they win!

whoa. whats pac on about. is he talking bout the bucks oh! yep. its kenny and the bucks i was JUST thinking about how theyve been holding the belts for kenny and the bucks, but doing a great job of it because their matches rule oh!!!!!!!! theyre all having a match at full gear, not just a return! yay!!!!!!! the elite are back!!!

ethan page vs bandido

its ethan page! yay im glad hes gettin a push. i think hes cute, charismatic, and good on the mic. its also funny that hes such a heel because hes so dang cute bandido got a shiny aew logo on his tights whoa. bandido also very strong. what a slow lift even tony talking about bandido's big muscles. lmao ethan page gettin the big boos lmao the commentators having Height Talk excalibur telling a despondent taz "if you stand on your wallet, you're taller than us both" that was a cool bandido corner counter flip hes got good moves but loses in the end! ethan page time! we want to see a stokely vs mjf promo so bad. theyre both good talkers

promo about the jurassic express cagematch

:0

backstage with saraya

saraya is tired chitchatting. she just wants to fight

commercial! 3

video promo of ortiz and kingston vs jun akiyama and konosuke takeshita!

im so excited for this match on friday :)c

toni storm vs anna jay

shame about the bunny gettin sick. i was really looking forward to that :( oh anna is bein goofy. hee hee someone in the crowd doing the longest yee haw ever oh thats why the crowd sounds so weird. crowds are usually chanting, right? the absence of chanting is odd wait there they are. toni! toni! toni! well, they tried. ok even the commentary are bored by this match theyre out here talkin bout crowd signs during the pip anna jay taps out to the texas cloverleaf! what the. hayter is approaching! toni bumps chests at her. cool

more match announcements

lee moriarty vs hook! athena vs madison rayne! lance archer vs ricky starks! the kingston/ortiz vs akiyama/takeshita match!

the full gear matches! aew champ, tag team champ, woman's champ, roh 4 way, tbs champ... darby n sting vs lethal and jarrett, britt baker vs saraya, samoa joe / wardlow / hobbs three way fight for that championship, trios match of death triangle vs the elite

in ring promo with jon moxley

huh! are they ending the show with a long promo, then? i dont think theres enough time for a match after i wonder whats going to happen then... will there be shenanigans? conflict?? interruptions??? my friends just want to see their guy who the hell is booing moxley in the crowd!!!! moxley you really are the baddest bitch in all the lands. go moxley "im messed up. im a sicko. i cant get enough of violence and fights. its not a good thing. im fucked up in the head" loving the idea of moxley typing out "mjf" into google to do research moxley got a point. mjf does not wrestle CALL HIM OUT MOXLEY!!!!!! MJF IS A WRESTLER COSPLAYER SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT MJF!!! lot for him to live up to-- oh!! its stokely!!! the firm is kicking moxley's ass mjf is here :)c oh my god he is so shaped. like dorito mjf kills everyone in the firm. actually that seemed almost too easy huh will? first name basis now huh? lol "you can make me bleed buckets" oh? bloody mjf at the ppv? pwease? :)c mjf is convincing me that he is sufficiently motivated for this belt oh mjf is using that "convincing the world the devil doesnt exist" bit to cover for him not wrestling a lot moxley takes the mic before mjf can finish his catchphrase oh my god moxley pausing to ask if the ppv is on sunday or saturday LMAO moxley rules nobody would be able to get away with being so nonchalant my friend pointed out at the end that mjf was wearing platforms... man's gotta be tall for the staredown

[normystical]

hrhrgrgrggr i wanna make an animatic of becky apples with certain hazbin hotel characters but i can't. and like even if i had the motivation this very second i do not have TIME FOR THAT so uhh might just spill my ideas all over here w/ altered lyric captions

husk . lucifer . ugh !! husk

i bet lucifer's got perfect hair [vox imitating sweeping hair back cuz he's a jealous and bald mfer lmfao]

husk. husk's got stupid STUPID [ears? claws? idk tbh but he doesn't have hooves so we're changing that lyric,,]

i'm never gonna eat another appLE EVER AGAIN!! [god have mercy on my mediocre art skills bc i will have to illustrate vox not only crushing an apple but with his clawed ass hands]

OO it reallt bunches my f luff to thrink how badly he hurtyou. bbg. tell me your story

[idk what to do with the lines "i left my rider so that i could raise an army (so that you could raise an army) then c-doug popped up and he said something alarming (oo, what'd he say?) he told me that my best friend's ridden (no!) another horse so pretty (no way!)" but i do want to have the latter two lines have charlie just talking about alastor and lucifer fighting all the time like haha those guys. those silly little rascals]

and his name is lucifer [morningstar/the king of hell/HIMSELF] because UGH of course it is !! !

lucifer lucifer whag a gorgeous famcy SCHMUCK luci how you like em apples cuz i think ur apples SUCK [naybe at that part i animate an apple pelted at luci just for shits and giggles itll be fun trust me] lucifer lucifer ggeues what i knew alastor first and while technically i dont know lucifer i know hes the WORST

ugh he is soo the worst vocks . right?? its unbelievable !! stupid luci. but can i tell you about someone whos,, kind of a total lucifer in my life? okay i—i mean im kinda not done being mad about lucifer bu—

WELL I WAS flirtin glirtin with a slick promstoar (this is not the same situation.) he was the finest spider femboy that i ever pursued (rhere was more than one??) he played me like a ukulele (he did.) i dont want no drama baby (too late?) but i FLIPPED when i found out his boyfriend was a wwinged cat guy idk how to change this lyric tbh sorry guys

oh that husk[er] that husk[er]s got stupid pretty legs and i bet that angel dust would let HIM adopt his eggs [cut to vox being horrifically confused and weirded out for half a second] hUsK [angel talking about him happily] HuSk [angel talking to him on the phone] hUsK [angel greeting husk at the door] HuSk [angel moaning his mame while getting fucked lmao get fucked val wait wut] UGH !! even his wings are perkier !!

maybe husk's flirty boyfriend is the one whos the ACTUAL jerk here... UGH!! husk!! making me feel bad for projecting my own insecurities and displacing blame on HIM, when HE really did nothing wrong? UGH. hes the WORST.

[vox clear he throat]

OH RIGht! ur sad :3

i feel ur pain girl, im ur vindicator, and we dont know husk, lucifer, we just know we hate him . this isnt okay and this isnt fiiiine

...let it out bbg

[vox drops his face into val's fluff as he sighs]

its just i thoughgt al,, would always be miine

ok spilling out my ideas FINALLY done jesus fuck this sucks when it's explained rather than imagined or animated lmao

[kozykricket]

yknow maybei ll write more about this in a big vent post (oops, this post ITSELF turned into the big vent post.

honestly i feel like im having a sort of Creativity Crisis

like. ehngv theres so many things to make but i also just. cant be bothered. and. for some things, it seems they've been done before for other things? they havent been done but they're very daunting and. overwhelm me and... i should probably just like, actually plan things out.. and not scope things so high i really wanna be able to say "heres a clean nice youtube video i have where i explain the concept behind what i think pokemon swsh had going for it and how i'd take some of its existing elements, change a few themes, and make it awesom!!"

i want to... make tons of cool builds in minecraft and terraria i want to.. make mods for minecraft! that do subtle lil things.. and tweak lots of aspects of the game! or maybe even sometimes big things! i. want to. but i also, really dont . because theres just so much

i think im just... really scared that i wont be able to ever get all of or even any of my best ideas out there in the world, and. im also desperate to try and prove that im not just an ideas person. that i am someone who can create things and i mean i LIKE creating things! i LIKE the trial and error process! i like... when i get really into something, and have to try and like. troubleshoot what problems may arise but sometimes theres certain types of troubles where they just push me away because im uncomfortable about having to learn how to deal with them and. shit. i dunno. woe is me i guess. despite this id like to clarify im in a p decent mood overall, i certainly havent had a bad day. its really just uh, past midnight thoughts that have suddenly happened. i had a nice day.

but GOD i . i want ot be someone do soemthing and . yet im so convinced that im someone who just WONT. whos just a little whiny person who wont be able to do anything because... im just unmotivasted or whatever and. im also just , genuinely like. i find it almost hard to care sometimes. about the things that i know i desire. because i just Cannot be Bothered. ill just wait until someone else makes the thing... or ill just, write it down as an idea and itll forever be a WIP i want to build stuff in terraria and minecraft at the VERY least right now and like. i have ideas for both of them. but GOD it just. seems... so.. i dont CARE. they're cool Little Ideas but i donT CAREEee waaah whatever its like 3am rn my mind is . not worth listening to

[bubsub69]

Entry 35

6/12/2023 00:15 Why the hell did i think it would be different. why would we go back to talking regularly after she ghosts me for almost 2 weeks i wish i could just move on, but i neither want to nor can find someone else, i browsed through fetlife and stuff and tried messaging some poeple yesterday but no luck there either… one of the scammers from telegram posted a story about needing a 'favor' and theyll dominate for free… the favor is most likely asking to borrow an account for posting on reddit because of karma requirements because shes posted another story asking that… asking about the favor seems really tempting for some reason, i dont know why im interested in someone that charges and is dishonest, probably because of despair, you know i dont even know why im being anonymous about her its @goddessclaire8 if someone shares this telegram accoung a) she charges and b) is dishonest. you know what fuck it im just gonna ask her to see if thats what she wants.

tomorrow im gonna have test, which means i should stop writing and maybe go over some stuff, but who has the mental capacity for that amirite… im really getting sick of some stuff at college, too many teacher just expecting you to know not explained stuff, but everyone somehow already knows it, maybe theyre not lazy fucks and actually look up relevant stuff and you know learn outside the classroom which i dont really do.

ive been talking to some people online but i still feel really lonely, i dont know if i just want deeper connection or just physical touch, i dont know wtf i want anymore…

dad kind of demanded i go to a therapist but i refused… honestly i dont even know why i did it, maybe a bit of a mix between thinking they wont be useful and they'll share stuff with my parents which means i wont be able to completely open up, tbh i dont want to completely open up to them either, not gonna share that im desperate sub and that im touch starved and stuff, i guess i could keep it to myself and its not like id impact the effectiveness of therapy but who cares stubborn brain wont let me get help, all i need is touch and gf and im fixed, classic solution.

also the discord thing didnt really work out, havent talked there, cant do it. also kinda sucks that most people dont really talk back, its hard to be the one that always starts talking, and ive only kept contact with 2-3 people, some didnt even reply to my heys anymore so i guess i was just too boring as usual. damn just remembered theres someone that would always start and we havent talked in a bit should text him tomorrow. And i guess i should just go to sleep, not being eepy is proabbly gonna do more good than looking at some stuff in a hurry.

maybe J will text me on sunday again… that seems to be the day shes usually free… maybe ill get that video call… i also had to wait a fair bit to talk with D so… i just have to be patient… again… like ive been… for a month………. itll be worth it in the end………………………… i hope

[abvfluxing]

Several months ago i told my roommate i wasnt interested in looking at a new place to live, bcus at the time i figured there was a good chance i wouldnt still be living in ohio in the next several months to year. (I never told her why i didnt want to look at new places thankfully). Bcus i thot things were going to keep moving in a positive way with him. Very stupid of me.

I waited 6 months on two things. "Idk how I feel " and "we will meet in person". 6 fucking months of waiting patiently.

And when i finally bring up the first thing i get "well i don't think i feel that way... but who knows what the future holds". Wtf. half a year and you still cant say it decisively. I tried so hard to take that as a definitive response and move on, but it wasnt and i couldnt. Bcus im an idiot.

After the first cancelled meeting i waited. Then a second cancelled meeting. And he says "well im not going out of my way looking to pick up trips to go that way, itll happen when it happens". I keep waiting. One day i try to sincerely explain how much its hurting me to wait to meet like this, and how much I want to take the initiative and plan a trip to his city. And how worried i am about the whole "flight school" on the horizon since its going to most likely alter his schedule in such a way that him and i will have so little free time at the same time. And how that scares me bcus it feels like the first step to losing him completely. And this is another reason im pushing to make a meeting happen.

So Making it very very clear that i only would want for one small simple meeting, like a lunch, and that if thats all i got with him that would be enough bcus i also just really want to travel somewhere and see things jve never seen and that taking a plane by myself is a very scary thing, but if im going somehwere where i know a friend is on the otherside it gives me the strength to do something so extreme for myself, i mean im someone that gets stressed and anxious just trying to go to a store or run errands. He says "no, i cant guarantee it would work out to meet, and i dont want you to spend all that money and be disappointed" also "im not out to my family so itd be comllicated to have you over as anything other than a friend". First of all, im not even allowed to try and make something happen. 2nd with weeks ahead of time anybody can plan for a single lunch to happen once out of 2 or 3 days possible. 3rd it must not matter how important it is to me, to be able to try and do something like this, how little i expect how little commitment im asking for it, how unobtrusive im trying to be but also experience something. It doesnt matter. 4th, what the fuck is that second excuse coming from? I didnt ask to meet your family, i didnt ask to come over to a family dinner and ve introduced as your boyfriend. How is that a concern when ive made it clear none of that is expected? (Well stupid ass me thinks only someone thinking of doing those things would randomly bring them up when they were not previously stated). 5thly, if you had a job that would literally PAY you to go and visit your alleged "best friend" ... wouldnt you kinda fucking want to do that? Wouldnt that be cool as shit? If i could get paid to visit some of my friends, i think maybe i might try and make that happen every once in a while. So he wont take a paid trip to see me, and im not allowed to pay for my own trip to him. Kinda really sounds like "i dont want to meet you". Only took this dumbass about 8 months to realize that one.

The last couple of weeks ive been trying to act "normal ". Im not messaging him everyday, even tho i want to. And it fucking hurts me. And idk how he feels about it, or if hes even noticed. Not like he would ever really tell me the truth anyway. So im an idiot and an asshole.

I can't even get him to say something as simple as "i want to spend time with you" i tried so hard one night to see if he could even say that much, it didnt work. Bcus im an idiot.

We had two big fights recently too. The one everyone could see where he made it clear he thinks im stupid as shit. And then a second one a few days later while in a discord call. He was upsetting me so much i had to hang up on him before i blew a gasket. Then i explained to him why i got so upset and his response was "wow you got upset over someone elses opinions". He was going to let the night end like that. Soni explained further why I was so upset. And he said something like "ok". And i had to be like "do i even get an apology?" (After i had already apologized for hanging up and getting upset, earlier in the convo). And only then did he finally give a half assed barely covering the problem apology. But I took it and rejoined the call after calming down a bit more. Once again i was being stupid and an ass.

Ever since those two fights i feel like i get treated like shit all the time. Like he is mad at me about stuff but cant even remotely bring it up outside of treating me like shit. But then the one day he streams its all "this is the game brad recommended for me, he knows me so well" blah blah blah. And weirdly nice replies sometimes. Like clearly something is up. But more likely im just an idiot.

He was trying to talk to me the other day, just a couple days after my "worst day" of the very very bad past two weeks. I told him "sorry i havent been feeling well". Him "oh are you sick. Me "well not like cough cough sick". Him " then what is it?". Me "its hard to say out loud". Him "oh ok".

And that was it. No reassurance, no "im here", no "i understand but you can talk to me if itd help". Nothing. Is that really how someone responds to their "best friend" clearly not being well? Its hard for me to tell bcus im so stupid.

And then the announcement earlier. Came with no warning to me. Last i heard he hadnt heard back from any places. And hours before he posted that he asked what I was doing, and i was playing totk amd watching gdq with the roommate. Not really a good time for him and i to play a game together that would take the main tv in the living room. So he said ok have fun. And i said "if you want to hang out in a call thatd be cool". Him "well id have to go in the other room, ill just stay in the living its more comfortable". Me "ok well lmk if you figure out how to use discord in the living room and id be down to hang out". Him "id either have to wear headphones and not hear the game or put you on speaker and youd hear my game. Which is so annoying". Me "i normally use headphone and just leave one ear uncovered to hear the game. Also so when my games have been too loud". Him "its mostly my friend nate 'blah blah blah" convo ends. And a couple hours later we get that announcement.

Hes got his next two months planned out basically. One month of "working back to back" which contains two weeks off, one of which an international vacation! Lmao. Followed by starting school the next month. two weeks before my birthday! How perfect! I messaged him and told him im happy to hear that he finally heard back from a place. And that im happy for him. But im also so fucking pissed. Ive told him how this school thing coming worries me, and he makes a group post instead of telling his "best friend" first. Isnt that fucked up? Once again im being treated like shit. And hes able to have two weeks off in june, including an 8 day international vacation. But i get "ill try to stream for those other days". Somebody you said "we will meet eventually" and you cant make room for me after all this time before turning your whole lifes schedule around making it so you know we wont be able to hang out anymore. So clearly im a huge fucking asshole for having such selfish fucking thots when all i should have thot was "oh yay good for you!". But hey thats what you get when your a stupid worthless ashole am i right? 😆 😂 😆 😂 😆 😂 😆 😂 😆 😂 😆 😂 😆 😂 😆

[happys-crazy-queen22]

Not Our Little Secret Anymore

Gif credits @jesseswartzwelder. @samantha-chicago

Requested on here and wattpad

Hope you all enjoy it.

Part 2 too Our Little Secret

Taglist @nocturnalherb16. @jesseswartzwelder

"Gabby's going to tell everyone, you know she cant keep a secret to save her life". You chewed on your nails, still looking at the wedding pictures.

"What do you think we should do"? Jay asked coming to sit beside you on the couch. He knew you were nervous.

"I say, we just tell everyone before she does. Dont let her make a big deal out of it. Because it's not. We should be able to be together without having someone hate on our relationship".

"I agree. I'm tired of hiding who I love". Jay took your hand in his and gave it a squeeze.

Jay and you stared at Kelly who was in the kitchen munching on a carrot like a little rabbit.

"Are you okay with this"? Jay asked with a laugh.

"I'm with you guys. We should tell everyone. Antonio is first cause since he is your brother and Gabby will get to him first. If she hasn't already". Kelly replied.

"I'll give him a call and see if he can come over tonight".

"We should tell Voight as well, just so it wont cause a scene". Jay added.

"See if he can come too. We'll just make a big announcement and tell them. God, I'm nervous". You bit your lip as Jay and you got out your cellphones.

"I'll just finish dinner. Everyone will be cool with us at the station". Kelly went back to cooking, like nothing serious is going on. Your lives are all about to be out in the open and it kinda scared you a bit.

"You're fucking kidding me right now? You, Jay and Kelly are married to each other"? Antonio paced the room. You had just told him and his shit has it the fan.

"Jay and Kelly are married to me. Not to each other. They just live together". You tried to explain.

"But you all are still fucking each other"?

"Wow, why is my brother so stupid"? You rolled your eyes with a annoying huff.

"No. Kelly and Jay are straight they dont have a relationship. I'm the only one that has sex with them.  One at a time. No threesomes. So get that and the image of Jay and Kelly having sex out of your perverted little mind". You exclaimed.

"Oh alright. So no big deal. My sisters just married to two guys. That's normal". Antonio sarcastically chuckled.

"Its normal for us. If you dont like it then leave. I already told Gabby that if she cant except it and stay out of our relationship then she isn't welcomed here anymore. Do you want that to happen to you as well"?

"No. I'm still processing it, okay"? Antonio rubbed his head.

"I know. It's a lot to process at once. Let's go see if Jay and Voight are having better luck than us". You wrapped your arm around Antonio's shoulder, leading him back into the leaving room where Jay and Voight was talking.

"I dont care what you three have going on just as long as it doesnt interfere with your job and my unit. Then we have no problem. But if I see anything that will cause a problem then we'll be having a talk about reassigning you some where else. Either one of you". Voight glared at Jay, Antonio and you.

"Yes, sir". Jay said.

"Fine, I'm going home. See you three at work tomorrow". Voight grumbled as he went past you and opened the door. Slamming it   

"That went better than expected". Jay chuckled.

"Yeah. Antonio here cant seem to wrap his brain around the idea that you and Kelly have no intimate relationship".

"In most threesomes, they all have sex together. Even the guys". Antonio told you and Jay. You giggled.

"You sure know alot about threesomes, Antonio. Are you hinting at something"? You smirked. Jay snickered beside you.

"No. I'm just saying". Antonio tried to play it off as nothing.

"If you say so. But all the joking aside, you alright with this"?

"I'm cool. Itll take some time to getting use to the idea of the three of you together but I have no problem with it". You sigh a sigh of relief and hugged Antonio.

"Thanks. You dont know what this means to me. I just wish Gabby was just as understanding as you".

"She'll come around. Just give her time. Listen I gotta go, kids are coming over".

"Okay. Give them love from us".

"Now that's going to be a therapy session. My aunt has two husbands. Good grief". Antonio laughed as he grabbed his jacket. You tried not to giggle as you shook your head.

"Bye now".

You plumped on the couch with a huff beside Jay. "Hope the others are like this". You tell Jay.

"They probably will be".

"Where's Kelly"? You both looked for him. Totally forgot about him in your relationship explaining.

"I'm here. Just got off the phone with Casey and the others. My friends are cool with us and they want to know when they can come over and have a party. Get together type thing, I guess to see us in our natural habitat". Kelly laughed as he came in and sat beside you.

"Lucky you. Antonio was just weird but at least he didnt judge us". You say leaning your head on Kelly's shoulder.

"Adam is definitely going to make jokes about this. I can hear him now. He wont shut up, even in my brain he wont". Jay groaned laying his head on your shoulder. Kelly and you giggled.

"I say we go to bed and forget this happened then tomorrow we just run away and join the circus"? Jay suggested.

"How about no. We should go to bed and have one of those threesomes, Antonio was nagging on about"? You waited for their response.

"How do you do it"? Jay wondered.

"You've never had a threesome"? Kelly questioned.

"No. Have you"? You backed off Kelly's shoulder surprised.

"Well, not with another guy. But with two girls". He blushed as you tilted your head. 

"When was this"?

"Way before you and I got together. Dont worry". Kelly reassured you.

"Well then. We should do it and see what all the hoopla is about". You smacked their knees and pushed yourself up.

"You guys coming"? You held out your hands for them.

The reached and grabbed your hands bringing them up to you. Jay lead you three into the bedroom. This shall be a fun experience, you thought.

Kelly slammed the door with his foot. Jay pulled you in front of the bed so he and Kelly could get a better view of you.

Jay on one side and Kelly on the other. They began kissing your neck. Moving your hair for a better angle. You licked your lips. This was getting you so excited. Your hand went to their face cupping their cheeks. Then slid down their torsos and gradually slipped down their pants. Pawing at their cocks. Kelly nipped at your ear. Jay snaked his hand under your shirt to play with one of your hard nipples. Pinching it between his fingers, making you squirm.

They stood in front of you, and smirked at each other before pushing you back onto the bed. You knew it was going to be one hell of a ride but that's what excited you the most. Doing it with two men that you loved dearly and trusted the most.