#i can queue zat!

[kenobion]

Listening to Queen is like free therapy

[secondgenerationnerd]

Mar'i meeting Lian and the twins?

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

———————

There’s chaos in the Harper house. Well…more chaos than normal. Roy’s 9-year-old daughter, Lian, chases her best friends, Irey and Jai West, around. Jumping over furniture and dodging pillows the way hero-raised kids can. Wally helps Roy sort snacks and food.

“Daddy!” Irey slides into the kitchen, “When’s Uncle Dickie getting here?”

“Soon, Lightning Bug.” Wally promises.

“You always say to be specific, Dad!” Jai reminds him, ducking as Lian throws a pillow at his head.

Roy whistles to get his daughter’s attention, “Yo, Baby Doll, we’re not doing headshots yet—Or crotch shots!”

“Awwww!”

Donna Troy snorts, watching the trio of kids chase each other around the room. Lian jumps over the sofa and onto her, “Aunt Donna! Do you know what the surprise is?”

“If I did, I wouldn’t tell you.” The Amazon teases.

“What if it’s a giiiiiirrrrrrrllllll?!” Irey giggles, head turning as the front door opens.”

“It better not be a girl, he knows the rules—“

“Wally, when have I ever followed the rules?”

“Uncle Dickie!” Irey jumps up to hug him. Lian had taken the distraction to throw another pillow at Jai, so they’re wrestling on the ground.

“Hey, Irey.” He smiles at his niece.

“Do you have our surprise?”

“Huh?” Dick looks back, holding a hand out, “C’mon, Starshine. It’s okay.”

A little girl steps into the house, taking the hero’s hand. Dark curls fall from her ponytail, impossible green eyes flickering between the new faces. Dick pointedly ignores his friends questioning stares, instead addressing his nieces and nephew, “Hey, guys, I’ve got someone I want you to meet. This is Mar’i…my daughter.”

Shrinking back at the sight of so many new people, Mar’i looks up at Dick, “Daddy, x’sprack traqer doxen’tral—“

“That’s Tamaranean.” Roy says softly, recognizing that accent. Dick finally looks at the others. A silent question on their faces…and a pleading look in his eye that makes them wait.

Oblivious to the adults, Irey smiles brightly the new girl, “Hi, Mar’i, I’m Irey West.”

“Irri.” frowns, focusing on the new word.

“Yep! That is my brother, Jai—“

“Je-ay.”

Jai waves at her, “Nice to meet you! This is our best friend, Lian Harper.”

“Lian.” That word comes surprisingly easy. Mar’i even smiles a bit, “Mommy teka Mar’i Lian.”

“Teka?” Wally asks his best friend.

“Tamaranean for teach. Mines rusty but we’re figuring it out.” Dick runs a hand over her dark curls, “She understands English better than she speaks it.”

“That’s okay, Uncle Dickie,” Irey offers her hand to the dark haired girl, “Irri teka Mar’i.”

The smile that spreads across Mar’i’s face…God, that’s Kor’i, pure and simple. Taking the redhead’s hand, she follows her to the living area. Donna smiles fondly at her, offering a hand, “Hi, Mar’i, I’m—“

“Doh-na.”

“Mommy taught you about me too, huh?” Donna asks, smiling.

Mar’i nods, pointing at her then the men, “Doh-na. Wah-lee. R’oy. Daddy.”

“Dammit!” Lian peaks between the wall and the old piano. “Dad, my toolkit fell again!”

“Baby doll, you gotta keep it off that piano.”

Lian scowls then looks at Irey, “Can you get it, Ires?”

“Oh I see, I’m not good enough Lian—“

“Jai, stop being a butt—WOAH!”

“DAD! MAR’I HAS POWERS TOO!”

Sure enough, Mar’i had reached under the piano, lifting it straight into the air. “Zat br’aal, Lian.”

The young archer grabs her toolkit, grinning at Mar’i, “I like you.”

That earns another smile. Bouncing on his toes, Jai shouts, “You’re strong like me! What else can you do?”

“And that’s my queue.” Donna takes the piano from Mar’i, holding it above the kids’ heads, “Let’s go outside if we’re using powers.”

“Oooo, Dad, can I get my bow out?!”

“Don’t shoot your friends—Hey! No testing if Mar’i’s invincible!”

“Ughhh fine! Irey, let’s go!”

“Race you, Jai!” CRACK!

“Cheater! C’mon, Mar’i!” CRACK! Beaming, Mar’i races after them. Dick watches the glass door slide shut before he can face his friends.

Thank God for Wally West. “Dick, when we tease you about a secret kid, that’s not a challenge.”

Normally Dick would laugh, tell the speedster to fuck off. Now? He just looks on the verge of tears.

“Kor’i?” Roy asks softly.

“She, uh, she’s…” His face crumples. Body shaking in silent sobs.

“Oh, Dick.” Donna hugs Dick tight. Wally places a hand on Roy’ shoulder, offering what little comfort his friend will accept. The archer’s calloused hands turn white as he grips the countertop, head hung low.

“I’m sorry.” Dick takes a shaky breath, letting go of Donna, “Mar’i…she showed up a month ago. At the manor—scared the shit out of us. She’s been so…nervous…I-I haven’t had a chance to-to—”

“Process it?” Donna guesses. “Dick…why didn’t you tell us sooner?”

“I didn’t know how.”

“Help.” Roy looks up, “That’s all you had to say. ‘Help, I’m in over my head.’ ‘Help, I need advice.’ Just fucking ‘Help.’ How many times have you helped me with Lian? Or the twins? Did you really think we’d say no?”

Dick wipes his eyes, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. Just…ask for help. Don’t be a dick, Dick.”

That makes them laugh…well as much as they can. The back door slides open, Mar’i poking her head in. Her eyes find her father immediately. Wiping his eyes discreetly, Dick smiles at her, “Hey, Star. What’s up?”

The little girl doesn’t answer. How can someone so young have eyes so old? Mar’i moves over to her father, wrapping her arms around his middle. Running a hand over her dark curls, Dick tries to keep his voice steady, “Everything okay?”

“Mar’i daddy.”

“I’m okay—“

“Ss-aa…” Mar’i frowns in concentration, “Ssssad. Oh-kay. Mommy teka.”

Oh yeah, Roy and Wally know that look. He’s wrapped around her fingers. Picking Mar’i up, Dick tucks a curl behind her ear, “Mommy’s right. It’s okay to be sad. That’s why we gotta find safe people to be sad with.”

Mar’i takes a second to absorb his words. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she rests her head on his shoulder, “Daddy safe.”

“Mar’i safe.” He kisses her head. “You want to head back outside?”

“Yeah, before the others burn the swing set down.” Wally pats his best friend’s shoulder. “C’mon, Dickie, you can tell us all about the last month.”

“Yeah,” Donna tickles Mar’i, earning a giggle, “We need to hear all about our new niece.”

[ecoamerica]

Watch the 2024 American Climate Leadership Awards for High School Students now: https://youtu.be/5C-bb9PoRLc

The recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by student climate leaders! Join Aishah-Nyeta Brown & Jerome Foster II and be inspired by student climate leaders as we recognize the High School Student finalists. Watch now to find out which student received the $25,000 grand prize and top recognition!

[barry--keoghan]

Men of Peaky Blinders + Playing Cards

Part 1

[forquicksilver]

Real talk bro

[puzzling-investigations]

Drowsy’s Guide to Germans - Part One

Hello everyone!

My name is Drowsy, this is my AA and PL sideblog, and this is a rediculous series I’m starting.

Stuff like this is not amongst my usual repertoire, but I’ve seen enough of people writing/dubbing/acting out German characters (in various fandoms) with bad German to decide an actual German should step in and do some talking and explaining. As Ace Attorney is one of the fandoms where people have multiple German-speaking characers with the possibility to converse, I decided to apply the post to this fandom (I could’ve also applied it to Overwatch, but somehow people really don’t feel like letting Mercy and Reinhardt talk German to one another).

In this multiple-part series, I will cover the following:

Different Germans (speaking English) and pronunciation advice for each (so mostly (voice) acting advice)

Things to watch when using German lingo (pronunciation/grammar bs) and terms of endearment/nicknames

Fun things about German (naming) culture you can include/watch out for.

Who is and isn’t German in AA, of the characters with “German” names, and to which degree they are.

Fun pronunciation/grammar/writing things

The sections will flow into each other a lot, I think.  Most of this advice applies to any German characters you write, so you can use this for other fandoms/media, too. The first part begins under the “Read more”.

    - Best of luck, Drowsy

Part 1: Different Germans (speaking English) and pronunciation advice for each

This section could probably use some additions, so if anybody wants to make them, please feel free to reblog and add!

Exhibit 1A: The International

In general, modern-day Germans usually learn English at school and have this lightly-accented pronunciation that is almost flawless, but there’s just something... Wrong. Something unplaceable yet absolutely German about it. Most English teachers here talk like this, although some lean in one or the other accentual direction (usually British or American).

The International has had a lot of exposure to the English language and also knows most of the pronunciations if he’s familiar with the word/related words. They might have grown up with someone who speaks English or be otherwise close to someone who speaks, if they didn’t learn at school.

If you find yourself dubbing/writing an International, be careful to keep your own and the character’s accent and neutral. Unless they’re “quirky” they won’t use random German words except for when they can’t remember the proper word. They’ll make an effort to speak English as well as possible as to not hinder the native speakers around them. If the character gets angry or excited, you can perhaps loosen that decree a little. Here’s the best sounds/grammar mistake to do it with:

- “Th” in any way, shape or form that isn’t “t”-sounding. Germans have a big problem with the “th” in “birthday”, which often turns out as “birs-stay”, a cause of much distress for me in primary school and kindergarten, where I would aggressively put weight on “th” and yell at people who should know better.7

- Idioms and figures of speech: Many of these overlap in German and English, but some are quite different. For example:

“to stand in a queue” is “to stand snake” in German. - Just beause you speak the language well, it doesn’t mean that you know all the idioms and figures of speech.

“to brush one’s teeth” is “to clean one’s teeth” in German. As a bilingual, this is a stupid little mix-up I often make, along with “to blow one’s nose”, which I turn into “to clean one’s nose” (I’ve done this in both languages).

Exhibit 1B: The Stereotype

This is your classical, Bond villain-esque German accent. Lots of “zat”, “ve”, and “neeeeiinn!” will be featured in their speech. 

This German is probably more on the old side and has either has/had horrible English teachers, no exposure to the language whatsoever, is making an effort to learn but are only going off reading or a mix of some or all of the three.

But these Germans can have varying degrees of skill with English grammar and vocabulary, which almost allows for sub-sections in this “article” – one might have read a lot of English books and studied grammar and vocabulary, but has never actually talked to a native speaker before. They other has heard native speakers before but just cannot/will not adjust their pronunciation because they cannot see how it differs from what they heard or believe they know how to pronounce stuff properly, because they are ‘hashtag better zan yoo’.

Exhibit 1C: The near-native speaker

They grew up/spent a lot of time talking English with a native speaker/hearing them speak. They might be better at speaking the language, but may have problems with English writing as they’ve learned by the hearsay. If you’re doing such a character, let them make spelling mistakes. They’ll make mistakes when reading stuff out loud, possibly repeating the word in the correct pronunciation once they’ve recognised it from its written form.

Exhibit 1D: The bilingual

This German is almost the same as the near-native and the International, but with one difference: They have an accent from within the English-speaking world and make no mistakes in pronuncitation or grammar, only perhaps in some of the less ovious spellings - like any English speaker. They’ll have no problems reading out loud (unless they have social anxiety or dislexia, I guess). But they will be victim of the classic bilingual pitfalls - forgetting random, often mundane words, using words from one language in the other with said other language’s grammar, the likes.

For example: My older brother has been described as “A German trying to sound British”, but is also slightly Amarican-sounding due to spending years of study in the States.

So, perhaps, he could fall under the “Interntional” category, but his correctness and lack of proper German accent make him unviable. - He does not have to try to speak/write/read proper English, unlike the Internation and the near-native, because he already does.

On the other hand, I have been described as sounding very British. This is mostly due to me getting more exposure the language thanks to a bilingual friend I met in 7th gade with whom I did and still do speak English on a regular basis. My sisters are very much a mix. My eldest sounds posh and very much like a speech sample from an Oxford Dictionary, the other is rather uplacable. We all cannot fall under categories 1A or 1C because we never “learned” English - we just spoke it and learned it at the same time as German, not being exposed to actual “bad” English until several years later.

[ecoamerica]

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

[redgoldblue]

Steve: You can't cross No Man's Land, it's... No Man's Land.

Diana: I am no man.

[queercaptainflint]

protip:

if ur an afab trans person who’s not transmasculine / is feminine

you can call yourself trans

and you can call yourself a woman

but you cannot call yourself a trans woman

[ghostez]

Flip The Switch

Summary: Bad and Techno loose a building contest and get bullied for 20 minutes ASMR (also based in minecraft, like as if they were in minecraft i guess idk) (also i try to write a french accent with little success)

(probably OOC btw whoops (also no ships in this one))

(tw: violence?? i mean there's definitely some fighting it's bedwars lol)

~*~

"Yes! Haha!" Skeppy cheered, doing a little spin in midair. "We won!"

"You have A6d on your team!" Bad protested, pointing an accusatory finger at the brunette. "That's not fair!"

"You should've thought about zat before making ze teams!" A6d shot back, sticking his tongue out.

"Skeppy made the-! Ugh, you know what?" Techno sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Let's just get the challenge over with Bad."

Bad glanced at Techno with slight disbelief but quickly glared back at Skeppy, who was silently watching them with a grin on his face. "Fine. What's the challenge?"

A6d and Skeppy glanced at each other, and A6d lightly punched Skeppy in the arm. "You tell zem."

"WH- WHY-?! Oh, whatever." Skeppy turned to face the two, grinning wickedly and making them stare back uneasily. "Your challenge... is to act like each other for an entire day!"

There was silence for a few moments which Bad quickly broke. "What... dOES THAT EVEN MEAN YOU MUFFIN?!" Bad yelled, throwing his hand in the air for emphasis.

"Y-yeah what the hell does that mean?" Techno added, ignoring the small "language!" from Bad.

Skeppy face palmed and groaned. "You two are idiots you know that?"

"Yeah yeah nerd, just explain the challenge."

"I already-!" Skeppy scoffed and turned away, crossing his arms. "A6d you do it, I can't work under these conditions."

A6d chuckled slightly before turning to the still confused Techno and Bad. "Basically, for an entire day you two have to kinda swap personalities. So Bad has to act like Techno, and Techno has to act like Bad."

Techno raised an eyebrow curiously. "Sooo like, I have say things like muffin and oh my goodness, and Bad has to be blood-thirsty?"

Skeppy threw his hands up in the air with a look of annoyed disbelief. "FINALLY!"

"What?!" Bad exclaimed, a distressed look on his face. "I can't do that!"

Skeppy rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. "You kill people all the time on Hypixel, what's so different now?"

"There's a difference between a game and then basically spitting on someone's grave!" Bad practically yelled, glaring at the raven-haired boy. "I can't do that you muffin! That's mean!"

Techno gave a fake offended gasp. "Are you calling me mean Bad?" he asked in a slightly hurt tone.

"No! I'm not!" Bad retorted, eyes going wide. "It's just, if I go around being mean, people are gonna take me seriously! Everyone knows you're kinda mean as a joke!"

"Wow Bad, I can't believe you would throw Techno under the bus like that," Skeppy muttered, glancing at his nails.

"Skeppy that's not what I-!" Bad groaned, shoving his face into his hands. "Whatever, I'm not doing this stupid challenge anyways."

"No! You have to!"

"I don't have to do anything!"

"Yes you do!"

"No I don't!"

Techno awkwardly watched as the two fought, feeling like a kid trying to ask their arguing parents for money. A6d sidled up next to him, smirking.

"Excited for ze challenge?" he asked, bursting into laughter when Techno just sighed.

"Definitely," Techno replied, his tone scathingly sarcastic. "I just can't wait to call people muffins for an entire day and prank people with cows."

A6d chuckled. "You seem so enthusiastic."

"I'm absolutely enthralled." He glanced back at Skeppy and Bad, who were still yelling at each and Bad looked just about ready to tackle Skeppy. "Should we break them up or...?"

A6d silently nodded and quickly summoned and bow, pulling a spectral arrow back in it and shooting Skeppy squarely in the side. Skeppy yelped as a glow suddenly outlined him and glared over at A6d.

"What the heck dude?!" he yelled.

"A6d!" Bad scolded, hands on his hips. "That wasn't very nice!"

"You're vone to speak," A6d snickered, slinging the bow onto his back. "Now shut up you two. And Bad, you and Techno need to change clothes."

"What?!" the two said in sync, Techno's sounding confused while Bad's sounding nearly outraged.

"Yup." A6d gave them both a stern, almost motherly stare, and looked between the two. "Now go or else me and Skeppy vill make an even vorse challenge."

Techno sighed but quickly logged off to change skins. Bad sent Skeppy one last glare before logging off as well. A6d and Skeppy silently glanced at each other for a moment before bursting into laughter, A6d banging his head on the wall and Skeppy rolling on the floor.

"Oh my god," A6d gasped between laughs. "They're so gonna kill us later."

Skeppy nodded, rubbing a tear away with his sleeve and grinning. "Yeah, but it'll be so worth it."

About 20 minutes later, Bad logged back on in a fluffy robe that went down to his ankles and a crown that kept nearly falling over his eyes. Two diamond swords were strapped to his back and two emerald eyes glared at Skeppy, looking strangely bare without his red glasses.

Skeppy looked up from where he was picking at the grass and as soon as he eyes fell on Bad, he doubled over in laughter and fell onto his back. "You look hilarious!" he cackled, making Bad flush pink.

"SkEppy!" Bad yelled, his voice cracking slightly. "Stop laughing you muffin or I'm not doing this!"

Skeppy instantly sprang up, wavings his hands in that "nonononoo" kinda way. "Nonononono! I'm sorryyyy! I didn't mean it!"

"Hmph!" Bad crossed his arms and pouted, looking away. "I forgive you, but don't do it again!"

"You look surprisingly good," A6d commented, taking out his earbuds. "Even if it is a little big." He looked around for a moment before raising an eyebrow curiously. "Where's Techno?"

As if on queue, Techno logged back in beside Bad, a dark gray hoodie with red accents shadowing his face. The diamond sword strapped to his back glinted dangerously and he looked up with a slightly flustered expression behind fake red glasses.

"How do you deal with this everyday?" Techno grumbled, pointing to the glasses. "Wouldn't contacts be 20 times easier?"

"Contacts make my eyes all dry," Bad complained, tilting his head back slightly. He glanced over at A6d who had gone back to listening to music. "A6ddd!"

The brunette glanced up at him, tugging out an earbud. "Whatttt?" he replied, mimicking his friends drawn out sentence.

"Techno's here!" he exclaimed, gesturing to the pink-haired man beside him. "Doesn't he look great?"

A6d glanced between Bad and Techno, and gave an amused smirk. "Sure."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Techno snapped, glaring playfully at the frenchman.

A6d shrugged. "The pink doesn't work with the gray."

"Since when were you a fashion expert?"

"ALRIGHT, SHUT UP!" Skeppy suddenly yelled, startling all of them (besides A6d who Skeppy swore had nerves of steel). "You guys-" He pointed between Bad and Techno, "-need to start acting like each other. So Bad, no more muffins and Techno, no more bullying me."

"Ew, I actually have to be nice to you," Techno muttered.

"No muffins?!" Bad shrieked, eyes widening. "What?! I can't do that Skeppy!"

"Yes you can, it'll be easy," Skeppy replied nonchalantly. "Just be mean to me! You did it once with Timmy remember?" He laughed when Bad flushed and looked away.

"I have an idea." Everyone turned to look at A6d. "Vhy don't ve play bedwars? Me and Bad can team, and Skeppy and Techno can team."

Techno tilted his head slightly. "Doesn't sound too bad, I guess..."

"Sweet!" Skeppy swiftly opened his interface to make a bedwars team. "I'll open a private game and you guys can joi-"

A6d swiftly swiped a hand through the interface, make Skeppy jump in surprise and close it. He glared at the brunette who just stare at him blankly. "Dude! What the heck?!"

"Ve're joining a public game," A6d clarified, smiling slightly. "Ve'll just nick and it'll look fine. Besides, I think Bad and Techno look disguised enough."

"Oh that sounds fun!" Bad exclaimed, a grin returning to his face. He glanced over at Skeppy who was looking slightly dazed. "Me and A6d and going to dominate you two!"

Techno snickered. "Doubt it, but alright."

"And remember," A6d said, making them all look back to him. "Me and Skeppy vill with making sure you guys do the challenge, okay?"

"Fineeee."

"Whatever."

As soon as Techno dropped into the Green Team base, something felt off. He felt considerably lighter and... weaker. Quickly opening his inventory he saw the small tab that said, "weakness," with 4 little asterisks next to it.

"Huh," he muttered, finally stepping out of generator to buy some wool. "Just a minor setback."

"That doesn't sound like Bad~" Skeppy mused in a teasing tone, smirking at Techno as he passed by.

Techno sighed as he rushed towards the emerald islands. "Alright then nerd, what would Bad say then?"

"Definitely not nerd," Skeppy commented. "He'd call me a muffin and then get mad I didn't cover the bed."

"Okay you muffin." Techno physically cringed hearing that come from himself. "Go protect the damn bed."

"LAnguage!" Skeppy mocked with a laugh, his voice cracking horrifically. "Bad doesn't swear!" He burst into laughter as Techno groaned and facepalmed.

"You're the worst, you know that?"

"I know, muffin."

Across the map with Red Team, Bad was also struggling. "Whaddya mean I can't get a healpool?!" he exclaimed at A6d who was shoving his diamonds into the enderchest.

"Do you really think Technoblade vould get a healpool?" the frenchman asked, raising an eyebrow. "He rarely even gets anything more than a wooden sword, let alone something as useless as a healpool."

"Hey! Healpools are not useless!"

"Maybe not if you just camp at your base," A6d replied. "You're going to rushing people anyways, so it's pretty useless." He grabbed a few diamonds and traded them to the team upgrades, making the swords at theirs hips glow enchantingly.

Bad groaned,  grimacing. "Fine, but I'm getting a stone sword at least!"

A6d glanced up at the sounds of footsteps, seeing two players with pink capes flying behind them rushing towards their base. "You might not have time-! BAD!" He was cut short as one of the players slashed close to him with their iron sword.

Bad was about to go help A6d when he spotted a block of TNT popping into the other team member's hand. He dove at them with his sword, catching them off guard and making them stumble backwards.

They glanced up at him with narrowed eyes and slashed back with their own sword, slicing narrowly past Bad's cheek. Bad brought up his blade to defend himself, making a loud clang against his opponents.

Bad's heels were nearly digging into the stone ground just to keep back and adrenaline was pumping through his veins. A sudden burst of adrenaline that nearly made him flinch suddenly surged through him, letting him finally shove back his enemy.

With them preoccupied with trying not to fall off, he took a final swing at them which easily knocked them backwards into the open void. He looked down with a triumphant smirk, which was quickly wiped off his face as a death message appeared in the corner of his vision.

He whipped around on his heels just in time to see A6d poof white smoke and the pink-caped player crouched behind the mound of wool protecting his bed. In a moment of pure instinct, he gripped his sword tightly and threw it straight at them.

The stone sword pierced straight through the player's stomach and they looked up him with wide eyes, right before poofing into smoke. Bad sighed in relief and walked to retrieve his sword, albeit with slightly shaking hands.

A6d spawned back again with a bewildered look on his face. "...what the fUCK?!" he yelled after a few moments.

"Hey! Language!" A6d gave him a strange look, raising an eyebrow. "Wh-what?"

"Remember ze challenge?" he asked, smirking when Bad groaned. "Techno vouldn't say "language,"."

Bad groaned again, his shoulders sagging. "What am I supposed to say then?"

"I dunno," A6d shrugged. "Call me a nerd or somethi-"

He cut off by a sword getting shoved straight through his torso. His eyes widened for a second before he poofed into smoke. The air behind the floating sword rippled and melted to reveal a pink-haired man adorned in a dark gray hoodie, a green cape flowing behind him.

Techno sneered down at him and raised his sword to strike. "Surprise, muffin."

The familiar roar of a dragon rung through his ears moments before he was sliced in half.

BED DESTRUCTION > Red Bed was destroyed by Skeppy

BadBoyHalo was slain by Technoblade

[tipsoctopus]

Jose Mourinho's £12m Chelsea bargain has provided a career's worth of sorcery - opinion

Discerning what makes a great player tick is a nigh-on impossible task. How do you make sense of Messi’s magic? How do you dismantle Ronaldo’s phenomena into nuts and bolts? Getting to grips with Luka Modric meanwhile requires a PHD in trigonometry with a foundation course in philosophy thrown in.

Understanding Arjen Robben, however, was and is pretty simple because there’s one move, executed time and time and time again. Opposition full-backs know it’s coming. Everybody in the stadium knows it’s coming. Only one man knows when though. Which split second.

That is not to say of course that the flying winger is a one-trick-pony, far from it. You don’t win eleven league titles across four countries and finish in the reckoning for the Ballon d’Or unless there is something special and multifarious about you and, in Robben’s case, his blistering speed has always exhilarated while his touch and clever, sharp movement continues to impress. “He’s world class. I can only encourage every young player to watch and learn from him”. So said Bayern Munich’s sporting director Matthias Sammer in 2014 and it would take a very begrudging soul to disagree.

Fans of Spurs, Chelsea and Newcastle name their club’s worst ever manager in the video below…

That move though: it would be entirely disingenuous to laud the sustained brilliance of the boy from Bedum over two decades without focusing on it. It would be as remiss as committing lots of words to Neil Armstrong and not mentioning the moon.

You know the move. You’re picturing it right now aren’t you? Whether it’s in the club colours of Groningen, PSV, Chelsea, Real Madrid or Bayern or burning bright for Oranje on the international stage, the consummate wide-man has made a career out of enacting it to perfection, scampering down the right; drawing a defender to either commit or at least get close, then cutting inside onto his divine left foot.

On occasion he will float an angled delivery for a Van Persie or Lewandowski to take full advantage of. Mostly though he will curl a shot into the far corner and mostly too he will score. For the German giants alone he has scored 126 times from 278 appearances and it’s not an exaggeration to estimate that 90% of these came from his signature cut-back-and-curl.

So familiar is the sight that it’s become almost trademarked – indeed, in France sashaying in from the right is widely termed ‘Le Robben’ – and so impactful has it been that it’s partly responsible for the trend to have inverted wingers in the modern era yet, in truth, it’s a ruse as old as the hills.

The great Brazilian Garrincha was masterful at dropping his shoulder as too was Sir Stanley Matthews, each delighting in wrong-footing defenders; each somehow making the predictable unpredictable. And that ultimately is what amazes about such players. While Messi and others confound with their unfathomable mysteries, Robben performs his magic with sleeves rolled up and not a prop to be seen. He could even tell you what he’s planning to do before he does it and moments later another hapless victim would be stupefied. That borders on witchcraft.

Arjen Robben signed for Chelsea in the summer of 2004 in a deal worth £12 million, with the newly flush Blues beating off the advances of Manchester United, who bid so low that PSV’s chairman claimed it would only get them an autographed shirt. Chelsea won the league that year, as comfortably as any side can, and then Jose Mourinho’s men repeated the feat the following season too. In both campaigns injuries meant the Dutch star wasn’t a mainstay yet, so bamboozling were his jet-heeled displays, he is remembered as an integral figure in those glory years, remaining beloved by the Bridge faithful even to the present day.

In his debut campaign Robben hit the ground running from the off, forming a formidable wing alliance with Damien Duff that Drogba and Gudjohnsen immensely benefited from and it’s during this intoxicating introduction that we find his slice of genius.

The date is November 13th 2004 and Chelsea are at a packed out Craven Cottage in an evening fixture they need to win in order to reclaim the Premier League summit. Frank Lampard had opened proceedings in the first period but now Papa Bouba Diop has equalised and the Fulham crowd are upping the decibels in this always fiercely contested derby. Enter stage right – to naturally drift to stage left – Arjen Robben.

The ball falls to his feet from a half-clearance as the away side camp on the edge of Fulham’s box and the 20-year-old’s first touch queues up a left footed strike. Two defenders buy it wholesale and go to ground, desperately trying to block the incoming shot but Robben is cuter and turns right leaving them sprawled on the turf and completely out of the picture. Now a right-footed hit is lined up from just inside the penalty area and Zat Knight is obviously not yet fully clued up the one of the most famous moves in world football because he actually steps across thinking this could conceivably happen. Of course it does not. Of course, Robben cuts inside onto his left but with an admittedly slightly heavy touch that lures in Moritz Volz. Nimble footwork soon deals with that and the fine individual goal is made all the more picturesque by the German’s second attempt to reach the ball when off-balance. It’s a sort of despairing swan-dive.

Four players have now been duped inside a tight area of space and three lie prostate on the deck.  The shot when it comes is clinical and low, the time for cuteness passed.

This summer the wide-man capped 96 times by Holland is set to leave Bayern after ten trophy-laden years and there is a realistic chance that he won’t take a step down through the levels but instead retire. It will be a sad day for football, so familiar have his runs been, so familiar has he been.

At least when that time comes, and the boots are put away for good, Arjen Robben might bless us with an explanation, on how he pulled off a career’s worth of sorcery in plain sight.

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