#i can't really say more than this because i can't really articulate what exactly makes dijkstra my favorite

[limerental]

you can't just drop "i've got dijkstra opinions" and walk away

I've got Dijkstra opinions

*mic drop*

Anyway Dijkstra is one of my favorite book characters and while I'm by no means a book purist and there are many twn characters who I personally feel are more compelling and fleshed out and adapted in interesting ways in the show.... not Dijkstra.

Sorry. That's not my guy. Not in looks and not in character and not in role in the story. Twn failed to cast appropriately s2 and beyond that, he's just a different more boring guy who doesn't interest me at all.

But! I've decided to respond to that dislike by just comitting to writing my preferred version for the folks who like that guy too.

It's similar to my feelings about twn!geralt (and like what folks do with game!Lambert) where I can and will simply ignore all of that and supplant my preferred version into my own fic and headcanons. Even in twn fic, just assume my Dijkstra is not that guy and my Geralt is not that guy.

[missjesselsgh0st]

Seeing a lot of takes I'm strongly agreeing with that pretty much discount Jonathan Sims and Martin Blackwood existing as their TMA Canon selves in the TMAGP universe.

I feel like jmj is a little wink and nudge tidbit in the story and not a real clue. I feel like their voices in the computer are there because the essence of The Entities latched onto the tapes and carried those voices to TMAGP's world, but I just don't believe that the characters themselves are actually stuck in there. I think that whatever force is powering Freddie, it's using the voices to relay relevant information. And while Freddie appears to be sentient, but I don't think Freddie is what is left of Jon, Martin or Jonah.

As for the story in ep22. So many people are leaping to it being Jon and Martin, but I've completely missed that. I see it more like groundwork for how The Entities may manifest within people, the removal of the bridge that fuses both sides together. Let us say that there were possibly decades of shady experiments trying to extract one side from the other. That there is a void left where that fusion should be. That could be a portal that allows The Entities, warped as they are, to take hold. And yes, apparently may be able to pull some real people through. I can't really grasp it yet, but something about this experiment and the influx of doppelgangers is tied together. I kept coming back to the duality of self and how we are all portals. The choices we make open doors. Who knows what can come in. TMA was very much about choices, and the removal of autonomy. I feel like that thread carries here.

I'm not sure exactly what I mean here, or if this makes any sense. Perhaps someone more articulate than I also sees this and can expand more.

[gretavanfleetposts]

Nothing Breaks Like A Heart - Part Three of Make Her Happy

Author's Note: The long-awaited part three! I'm a dually incredibly embarrassed that this took almost an entire year to finish. The time really got away from me LOL So I'm very sorry for that but I hope you all enjoy (and fingers crossed it was worth at least some of that wait)

Content Warnings: lots of swearing, bit of drinking

Word Count: 6k

Part One - Make Her Happy

Part Two - Give Me Shelter

One of the last things Jake had said to you before he'd left was that you should talk to Josh. And that was exactly what you hadn't done.

In fact, you’d let two weeks slip by like sand through your fingers without poking or prodding the topic even once. You’d clung to your avoidance like battle armor and if you were honest with yourself, you feared losing Jake just as much as you feared losing Josh.

So you and Josh hadn’t spoken and nothing had changed, nothing other than the fact that it felt Jake had been keeping his distance. Or maybe you were just more sensitive to his absence now that it felt necessary.

Damn him for being a good brother. For being better than me.

He was better than you, it seemed. Because he had put you to bed two weeks ago and left under the impression you were going to do the right thing and instead, you'd avoided your problems and had once again come running to Jake to have him make you feel better.

No, not to make me feel better. Just to play a stupid game. That's all.

He must have heard the honk of your car locking because you had barely made it to the front door before he was suddenly standing there in your way, a look on his face that somehow tangled caution and amusement into one jumbled mess expressed as a half-quirked smile and eyebrows that dipped low in the middle of his forehead. It was an expression that quite matched how you felt, butterflies and guilt and all.

“I take it you two didn't talk.”

Is it that obvious?

“What a way to greet a lady,” you said with a sudden scowl as you pushed past him through the doorway and led yourself to his kitchen.

To say you weren’t quite ready to broach that topic would have been an understatement.

“Why do you seem so chipper?” he asked from behind you as he followed your path through his home.

“I can't be happy to see you?” you threw back at him as you dropped your tote bag off your shoulder and onto the pristine marble of his kitchen island with a familiar muffled clang of a glass bottle shrouded by thin canvas to dull the promise it rang out into the air as it was set down. A little something for the soul.

“I guess I’ve admittedly grown a little bit more used to being greeted with tears. But this is a nice change.”

He gave you a sweet smile but paired with the way his eyes seem to wilt at the outer corners, you could see the sadness it held. It reminded you of the guilt you carried around with you constantly lately, only with a new object of affection. How selfish of you to think that this hadn’t taken any toll on him at all.

Your eyes turned soft. “I'm sorry. I am. You've been my sunshine these past several months. I hope you know that.”

Even as you said it, you knew it couldn’t begin to articulate what it was you really felt for him. But it was enough just to see the rose of a deep blush tinge his cheeks red and turn his smile suddenly bashful.

“Happy to provide,” was all he said in that typical, raspy, almost sleepy voice of his.

It was hard not to chuckle at the things he found too intimate to take in stride. It was fine for him to call you what he had in bed but heaven forbid you call him your sunshine…

“Don't think I didn't notice you dodging my original question though,” he added, breaking your concentration.

Oh yeah. My problems. How lovely of him to remind me.

You quirked up an accusing eyebrow. “Like how you dodged my compliment just now?”

“Ever so expertly,” he answered, this time with an unabashed smile that spread his lips wide across his face.

You felt your gaze dart away before you could even stop it, a heavy sigh pillowing in your chest before expelling into the air like a pot on the stove blowing off steam to keep from boiling over.

“I need one night of just…not talking about it.” You’d had plenty of nights of that, actually. What was one more? “Or thinking about it, preferably.” And then to really catch his attention and maybe even further drive home your point, you reached into your bag to uncloak the wine.

There was a specific smile he always donned when alcohol was present and when it took hold, you knew you could take it as an agreement to drop it, at least while there was a full bottle to contend with.

He took it from your grasp with only a dutiful nod, turning the dark glass over in his hands to inspect the label despite the fact that he likely knew nothing printed there would catch his eye. You had one sense of taste that trumped all others when it came to using fermented drinks to bandage your wounds: cheap.

“What am I if not a seasoned distraction?” he asked, already digging into a cupboard to procure two large, round glasses.

“That's why I seek you out,” you answered with a smile as you watched his hands work and tried your hardest not to think back to that first time he had served as your distraction.

“Well, hopefully that’s not the only reason.”

It was that comment that caught you and sent your stomach into a twist unbecoming of someone who was very much not single, especially given the way it suddenly brought the memory of your second time to the forefront of your mind, a time when it was hardly a distraction so much as it was a necessity in that moment. 

No, distraction wasn’t the only reason you were there. Comfort either. You’d grown to long for his company in a much deeper way. It wasn’t company in general he was providing you with, it was his and his alone.

And the game, of course. Mostly that.

“What's on the agenda for the night?” Jake asked as if he hadn’t just sent you into a deep spiral of thought that you’d been hoping to avoid that evening.

At least he’d been kind enough to pour you a glass of wine without you asking.

“I brought candyland since you owe me a rematch for what you did last time.”

The memory of your pieces scattered on the floor along with every card in the deck like a colorful patchwork quilt that you'd made him clean up both times he'd done it brought an earnest smile to his face.

“I'll flip the board again if you don't let me get tipsy first.”

You certainly didn't have to wonder if he was serious so with the preservation of your game in mind, you agreed with a nod and a, “Seems fair to me,” as you reached out for your wine. But he was already retreating by the time your fingers reached the air that the temptation in a glass once occupied.

“Come here,” he said with a mischievous look overtaking his face. “Something I want to show you.”

This time it was you left following him through his home, both glass stems tucked snugly between talented fingers like he was beckoning you to chase him if you wanted yours. And you did want yours. That was why, despite the sudden flurry of nerves that his look seemed to conjure in your chest, you did as you were told and followed him.

I swear to God, if he's talking about his dick…

You actually weren't sure what you'd do. Probably not the decent thing.

But to your surprise, he led you to a usually barren room save for the red Persian rug warming the middle and the walls outlined in vintage instruments ready to be plucked off the wall and played. Except today, the center of the room wasn't barren as it had been for months.

The room opened up to greet you with a warm mahogany welcome in the shape of a baby grand piano that instantly made your fingers itch. It wasn't so different from the piano you'd been toying with at the party where you and Josh had met. Of course, you weren't as good a player as he was but you certainly knew your way around.

“Figured we rehearse here enough it was worth the investment,” you heard Jake say from behind you where he now stood watching as you carefully perched yourself onto the little matching mahogany bench.

“My God, she is beautiful,” you breathed as you opened the fallboard to uncover a full set of vintage ebony and ivory that seemed to practically yearn for your touch.

Your fingers danced out a quick melody that warmed your joints as much as it did your demeanor. You hadn't played much lately. Actually, you hadn't really played at all. But there were some things that stuck with you, worked their way into your bones, maybe into your very DNA. And this was one of them.

“Does this mean you're going to learn?” you asked, turning your focus back to him as you swiveled to find his face.

“I'd need a teacher for that and I refuse to let Sam fill that role.”

He gave you a cheeky smile that you read instantly. It was an open invitation for you to take on the role of said teacher, so you stood and, taking your wine glass from his hand finally, made a grand sweeping gesture toward the now unoccupied piano bench.

He took his seat, pretending to throw his imagined coat tails over the bench, earning a giggle that swished the wine in your glass. You hovered not too far behind him as he cracked his knuckles and cleared his throat, making a quite thorough display of his preparation only to put fingers to keys and press out one of the more off-key renditions of twinkle twinkle little star you'd ever heard. And he was met with another giggle that seemed to only encourage his actions.

“Oh that's amazing. You must teach me your ways,” you joked with a smile as you set your glass down on the floor just out of the way.

“Save me, please,” he answered with a hoarse laugh, finally slowing his fingers to a halt but keeping them positioned on the keys.

You approached him slowly, coming up close behind his back to stretch your arms over his shoulders and let your fingers find rest overtop his just as delicately as your chest grazed the wide plane of his back. You could smell his cologne strong on his neck as you guided his fingers to better position them amongst the keys, your breath dusting his cheek with each exhale. And you swore you could almost tell that he was holding in a breath if you paid close enough attention to the movement in his shoulders that seemed to have suddenly stilled.

Somewhere among your skin resting against his and your hair tickling his neck, the world around you seemed to grow still and quiet, fading into a background of white noise and blurred lines. And then you pressed your fingers more firmly into his and a striking chord sliced through the air alongside whatever breath Jake had been holding.

“There, just like that,” you said in a voice far shakier than you had hoped it would turn out to be.

But he was silent, letting you guide his fingers slowly up to a new chord, or outstretching a pinky to hit a further key as yours nudged it, never saying a word. He let you play that way, through him, feeling the notes through the strength and dexterity of his talented fingers that fit so snugly beneath yours and obeyed your every command.

“I knew I was good at something,” he joked in a whisper that barely traveled up above the note lingering beneath your hold until he turned his face dangerously to the side to face yours.

It brought his nose only an inch from yours but what felt even more dangerous were his eyes and the quick flicker they made to your lips, resting parted and practically panting. You didn’t even realize your own breathing had picked up until you suddenly became aware of the heat reaching your palms, heat he could likely feel radiating through his skin still resting beneath yours. And just as quickly as the moment had been conjured, he turned his face back to his hands and yours retreated entirely just before you darted over to your glass of wine to down the contents while he continued to fiddle with keys.

“You're a good student,” you commented as evenly as you could as you took a seat on the bench next to him. A much safer spot than where you had been.

“You’re a good teacher,” he answered with a quick flash of a smile in your direction, fingers still tripping over keys and filling the air around you with a disjointed music that you admittedly didn’t mind.

“Well, maybe not as good as you.” It came out rather absently as you had taken to fiddling with a random key yourself, turning your attention to that instead of the familiar pounding of your heart in your chest, a rhythmic reminder of the effect Jake had on you.

When he turned to face you again, you could feel his eyes hot on your cheek. You wanted to be brave and face him but there was something about his knowing gaze that made you feel that much more defeated. You felt like a terrible person, in all actuality. How could you have fallen for your boyfriend’s brother? Was that actually what you had done or were you just using him like a bandaid? Did you even know anymore?

Maybe it’s just the sex I like.

“Is that why you're here?” he asked, his gaze somehow even hotter than before. “You need another lesson?”

God, can he read my mind?

For a brief moment, you found yourself debating it. It didn’t feel like that was what you had come for but you certainly weren’t ignorant to the need that radiated through your body every time he so much as glanced in your direction. But you also weren’t ignorant to just how wrong it really felt. However it had felt that first time, hesitant as you had been, the glances you stole now didn’t feel that way. They didn’t feel harmless. They didn’t feel like something Josh had signed off his approval on.

And for now, the guilt rang strong enough through your body to stop you from doing something worse.

“I'm here to beat you at candyland,” you answered, eyes finally braving his face only to be greeted by a smile that seemed to be growing by the second.

“Well that's just not going to happen.”

—

“That is cheating!” you yelled over the board as you angrily moved Jake's piece back several spaces behind yours.

“It is not, my piece was planning on being there this whole time,” he argued back, grabbing it from your hand to return it to the space he had just placed it on with his hand that wasn't gripping his wine glass like his life depended on it.

You weren't sure if it was the booze or the antics of the game, but his British accent was starting to slip out the more uncivilized he got and you were trying your best to be stern despite the smile it was holding permanently to your lips.

“It doesn't matter what he was planning on, you didn't roll high enough to go that far!”

He gave you a displeased shake of his head as he finally took his piece back, “accidentally” knocking yours over in the process.

“I don't think you're playing this right,” he mumbled before chugging the remaining contents of his third glass of wine.

“I'm sorry you don’t get to just do whatever you want,” you laughed as you wrestled another card out of his hand seeing as it most certainly was not his turn.

“Well that is too bad, isn't it,” he said gruffly although even he was struggling to keep the smile off his face and commit to the bit.

The day had grown so late that darkness had finally come to greet you and this was your third attempt at a civilized game, which you were beginning to think was simply impossible with Jake. He just couldn’t seem to stop cheating.

Let’s not read too much into that.

By the time you had maneuvered all of the cards away from him thanks to that all-too familiar gleam in his eye, he sat back in his seat to let a comfortable silence grow between you both, silent glances exchanged as a buzz settled over you both. But in the silence and the calm grew that familiar heat, a buzz brought on by more than just the alcohol consumed that night. There was something about it, those quiet, gentle moments, that turned the volume of tension about the room up several levels, like you couldn't trust yourselves to be around one another in such a still moment without busying your hands and your bodies with one another. Like you were always just waiting for the next opportunity for it.

That was how it felt: like you were waiting. And suddenly in the haven of golden light in your little secluded pocket of the night, in the quietness of his gaze trying to stay fixed to anything but you, you felt you shouldn't be there.

Why had you come?

Jake cleared his throat and nudged your empty wine glass. “You want more?”

You gave him a light shake of your head and an answer just as soft. “I'm driving.”

He nodded in return and cast his eyes to his hands. He almost looked nervous. Why would he be nervous?

When he met your eyes again, you could tell he was searching your face for something. But what it was he was looking for, you had no idea. And if he found it, you had no idea of that either. But as you gazed back, you found yourself unable to look away, unable to hide your face or your eyes or your feelings from him. Whatever it was you were feeling, you let him see it there on your features like a book written just for him.

It's him I want. That's why I came.

It seemed to hit you all at once and suddenly the need for action seemed just as real.

“I guess I should go.”

Before I do something I shouldn't.

He nodded again, adding an almost silent “okay” that somehow made the task of getting up all the more hard. But somehow, your feet shuffled and your legs moved and your body, which seemed to be of much more sound mind than your actual mind, moved its way to the kitchen sink, wine glass in hand.

“You don't have to do that,” you heard Jake say from behind you.

Close behind you.

“I don't mind,” you answered quietly as you continued to turn the faucet on and rinse the glass.

That was when you felt him at your back, arms emerging from either side and his hands, practically shaking, entwining themselves with yours to steal the glass away from your grip.

“Here,” he whispered, “let me.”

Fuck.

You weren't exactly sure what it was that suddenly surged through you but the moment the glass was set safely on the counter, you turned into his arms to face him, lacing your fingers into his shirt buttoned ever so lazily. And the move brought your mouth mere inches from his, your bodies practically pressed tight to one another.

There was greed on your lips, greed you wanted him to taste.

“Jake, I want you,” you whispered without even an ounce of shame, finally giving in to what you had been fighting all evening.

It was met with his eyes winding tightly shut as a blow of frustrated air pushed from his lungs. “Don't do that to me,” he shook his head. “That's not fair.”

“You're right, it's not fair-”

Your lips were practically on his when he suddenly pulled back several steps, out of your grasp.

“This can't happen,” he said sternly, although whether that was for you or for him you weren't entirely sure.

What you were sure of though was the embarrassment seeping into your very being. And then the guilt. They seemed to freeze you in your place.

God, what am I doing?

What was worse was that you had thought he wanted you too. Had you read it all wrong? Had you read everything wrong? Was he only entertaining you because he could see your desperation so plainly in everything you did? Was it only pity he felt for you?

Josh had no time for you and now Jake didn’t want you either.

You took a few steps away from the sink, aimless, wandering, before your face fell into your hands, to hide it, to soothe yourself, to try and disappear.

“I’m sorry,” you repeated frantically, practically in a panic. “I don't know what I'm doing. It's just…it's not working.”

“You need to tell him that.”

God, the sympathy you now heard in his voice might have made you feel even worse.

“He knows that.”

“Babe-”

“I plan to,” you burst suddenly, hands falling away from your face to make way for the much louder sentiment, as unsure as it sounded. “I'm going to,” you repeated, “I just thought…”

You trailed off into nothing, totally defeated. You weren’t sure what you had thought but god, you were tired of this. Why was this so difficult? Why was this so complicated? Why hadn’t Josh just shown up like he was supposed to?

You looked to Jake somehow hoping he could give you the answers you were searching for but he looked just as confused, just as lost. And the longer you looked the more he looked…something else entirely.

“Why are you doing this?” he asked almost desperately.

You stuttered. “I mean…I think it's obvious. Or…maybe it isn't, I don't know, I just-”

“We can't be together,” he suddenly blurted out.

If his previous rejection hadn’t hurt, this certainly did. And it brought back to you the words he had said two weeks ago on the couch over pizza and comfort, only this time they seemed to form a coherence they hadn’t quite had when he’d spoken them then.

‘He knows I'm not the answer’.

And then the words that cut a little deeper. A little sharper.

‘Maybe that's why he sends me. He isn't worried about it’.

You wrapped your arms around yourself, all-too aware of what your body language was giving away. You had read it all wrong.

“I…I know that,” you answered quietly, pathetically, even though it wasn’t the truth. Not even close. “I know that.”

His eyes found your face again, this time more frantic, like he knew what he had just done but didn't have any choice in the matter. He raised his hand to your elbow, leaning in as he gripped you. He might have shaken you to try and get you to understand what he was saying if he thought that would go over better than his fingers alone.

“Listen to me, I'm telling you you need to do the right thing. He's my brother. But I can't…I can't be your answer.”

Those damn pesky tears were back, and with a vengeance. If you didn't dart out of there sooner rather than later, you'd be nothing but a puddle of salty water on his kitchen floor and you suddenly had no desire to let him see you that way.

There was anger there too, as misplaced as you knew it was, forming just as quickly and swelling into something so hot it practically blurred your vision. You felt almost lied to. Talk about fucking mixed signals. But you let out a long, terse, “okayyy” without even meeting his eyes, already mentally planning your escape.

“I love you, I do. I love you too much to-”

Bullshit.

“No, I get it,” you interjected before he could drive the knife any deeper. “It's good to know where you stand. Thank you.”

He called out for you more than once but it fell on deaf ears. You were already out of the house.

—

“Where were you?”

Good God, can’t the universe give me a break?

Josh's voice coming out of the near darkness startled you. You knew he was there. You'd seen his car in the driveway when you pulled in. But something about it felt like he was catching you in the middle of sneaking out. Or rather, sneaking in.

“I was out,” was all you said as you sat your things down and kicked off your shoes. You prayed your eyes weren’t still red and puffy from the crying you did on the car ride home.

“Just out?”

There was concern in his voice. You could hear it without even fully seeing his face where it was, shrouded in shadow that seemed all too fitting for the conversation you knew very well was about to be had. He could have easily been hiding from you. Fuck, you wanted to hide from him too.

You wanted to spare him the sigh that was brewing in your chest but it barreled out of you before you could stop it. “I needed to get my thoughts together,” you explained as you stepped further into the house and into the hall where you could better see him.

That was a mistake.

There was already pain in his eyes. Already a redness that you suspected was from his own tears. He knew where this was headed as well as you did.

Fuck, this might actually kill me.

“Why doesn't that sound good?” He gave you a nervous chuckle and the only smile he could manage, both of which fell flat.

“Josh, I…” There was actually nothing coming to your mind, try as hard as you did to think of the right thing to say. To think of anything to say for that matter. But he took pity on you instead and cut right to it. Something you might have been thankful for under any other circumstances. Well, maybe you still were thankful for it given these circumstances.

“I know,” he said without prompting. “I've been spread so thin lately-”

“For a while,” you corrected, only a tinge of the bitterness you felt biting into your tone. “And it's not really feeling like ‘spread thin’ so much as it is not making the time for…certain things. Things that should be a priority.”

Well that certainly sounded bitter.

“I know, baby. I've been wrapped up in a million little things. We're working on a new sound but it has required more of me than the others.”

You felt yourself wince at the pet name, a lump in your throat forming almost out of nowhere and suddenly threatening to strangle you.

You fought against it to push the words out. “Josh, I hear you, I really do, but this just isn't sustainable for me.”

He nodded at this but you could tell he was deep in thought. And his silence seemed to drag on for an eternity. Agonizingly. But when he finally broke it, you found yourself missing that silence.

“Does this have something to do with Jake?” he asked, raising his eyes to yours to undoubtedly impress upon you the importance of the question.

Suddenly you felt cold despite the sweat practically pooling in your palms and the heat flaring in your ears. You couldn't face him and tell him that you had fallen for Jake after all of the late nights you'd spent with him. You couldn’t admit to him the embarrassing truth that you had gone to seek him out, lying to yourself about why the whole time. And you certainly couldn’t admit to him how often you had thought of his brother when you found yourself alone over the past few months. But Josh seemed to glean every last one of those secrets from your silence alone.

“Where were you?” He finally asked the question you'd skirted around when you'd arrived home.

You didn't rarely hear Josh with anything you could call stern in his voice but you heard it now in his question. And his eyes begged the answer from you just as desperately as his tone did.

That was when you began to feel the tears well up for the second time that night. Your undereyes wouldn’t recover until the next week.

“Josh-” you croaked out, although he didn't seem to need you to finish whatever thought you were weakly stringing together into words.

“I shouldn't have let him do it. I shouldn't have let him near you that way.”

“It wouldn't have mattered,” you tried.

“Yes it would have. We wouldn't be here right now if I hadn't pushed you into his arms.”

“If it hadn't been him, I would have just been alone. All alone, Josh.” Even with the tears streaming silently down your face, you said his name pointedly enough that his shoulders seemed to slump and whatever anger was brewing for his brother was waning. “All alone for months and months thinking my boyfriend couldn't care less. Hoping I would at least get a text from you that time rather than Jake acting like some sort of carrier pigeon, as if that was any replacement.”

You'd never seen him so hurt. You'd never seen his face droop and fall that way, his lips melting downward at the corners and the liquid warmth of his eyes almost freezing over. Even his curls seemed to lose their bounce. He was wilting right in front of you and it only made it harder to breathe. It only made it harder to stand there and face him and say whatever the fuck it was you’d been putting off for that very reason.

If you don't do it now, you never will.

You wiped at your tears as best you could, trying to pull yourself together. “It hurts me,” you started. “Having you so close and yet so far constantly, it hurts me and I just can't do it anymore. And I don't want to wait until I resent you. I can't sit around waiting for that to happen. It'll kill me if I ever feel that way for you.”

Tears were now pouring down his face as he shook his head. “I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.”

If he said anything else, you could barely hear it above the racing of your heart in your chest and the dam breaking somewhere behind your eyes. It was like a tsunami when it came, folding you over until you slumped around yourself on the ground to let it wrack through your body. And he was there just as quickly, holding you despite the fact that he most certainly didn't have to. Clinging to you and his sorry's.

You weren't sure how much time passed as you sat there. You could hardly feel it ticking through your tears and a feeling that felt awfully close to regret. You couldn't feel the passage of the wind and the world beyond the strength of Josh's arms holding fast to your form, knowing that when he let go, he wouldn't have this opportunity again. It almost felt cruel, like a moment you should have had among many others but was stolen away from you all at once. So you basked in it. You bathed in it. You memorized his touch and his smell and the way it felt to be supported, even if you hadn't felt it in a while.

You had your reasons, you knew that. Had to remind yourself of it, even. But at the moment, you had nothing but him.

The tears always dried though. They always racked your body and stripped you of your strength and energy and when they vacated, just like they always did, you were left sitting, leaning against the wall of the hallway, in an almost daze-like state. Stuck in a limbo between sorrow and anger and humor. Every emotion you had seemed to sit at the edge of your being waiting for a moment to pounce in a state like this, and you were always left wondering what would take hold next.

Josh mimicked your movements, sitting opposite you like a mirror into what you probably looked like. And for a while, you sat in silence.

“I just want you to be happy,” he said after several moments. “That's all I've ever wanted.”

You nodded and sniffled, wiping your eyes and your nose with the back of your hand like a toddler.

“I know.”

“I mean it.”

I know.

You nodded again but this time when you spoke, your voice was even.

“I know.”

You tapped your fingers against your knee, butt going numb against the hardwood floor and eyes feeling stiff at the corners thanks to the dried tears accumulated there. And it was funny in a way that really wasn’t funny at all that as you sat there and stared at Josh silently, you couldn't help but think to yourself how beautiful he was.

Fucking twins.

“Does Jake make you happy?” Josh asked suddenly, studying your face.

The short answer was yes but the long answer?

‘He knows I'm not the answer’.

“I don't know,” you admitted. And you hoped he believed you when you said it because you really didn't.

You liked how he made you feel. You liked that he was there when no one else was. But was he the answer? You had no idea, actually. Maybe you wanted him to be more than he actually was. Or maybe, just maybe, you just liked having sex with him.

Ha. Well, that's at least some of it. Not that it matters anymore.

You were shamelessly giggling to yourself at the entirely humorless situation you found yourself in even before Josh joined in, bringing his hand to hide his mouth like he was in on the secret joke and attempting to keep it just that, a secret.

“You should probably decide before I have a chance to kill him.” And then after a moment, he added, “Well to be honest with you, I might just kill him anyway.”

You couldn't even explain why but that did you in, spurred a full on fit of laughter. And somehow, Josh found himself laughing right beside you.

Typical Josh. Always a bright spot. Even if it hurt him to be.

—

You hadn't left your house in days. Hadn't washed your sweatpants in as long either. The takeout boxes were certainly piling up too. And had you already finished off the last of your wine stockpile?

Gonna need to hit the grocery store soon. Or Instacart, at the very least.

And when your couch hadn't been occupied by friends spoon-feeding you whatever therapy you needed, be that advice or ice cream, you found yourself alone with more thoughts than you cared to deal with.

And one name in your mind that you avoided at all costs.

You hadn't even texted him that it was over. Hadn't called. Hadn't seen his face or heard his voice or even uttered his name. But God, you felt it, that ache. The longing. The familiar itch that he had scratched for you one too many times that now begged for nails to rake across it.

Relief. You wanted him. You maybe even needed him. That was what the emptiness had shown you. Whatever it was that he even was to you, you missed it. You craved it. But in your hour of need, he was the last thing available to you. And you were certainly stubborn enough not to chase.

Until you eventually weren’t stubborn enough.

You had no idea what had possessed you to rise from the couch that day, throw on a sweatshirt to shield you from the rain, grab your car keys, and drive to his place. You had no idea what possessed you to jump from your car and brave the violent sheets of rain that threatened to topple you as your fist made contact with his door a bit more angrily than maybe it should have. And you had no idea what had possessed you to do all of this just to say what it was you said.

Maybe I enjoy getting hurt.

You weren't invited in. In fact, you weren't even greeted with any words. He seemed breathless the moment he opened the door and his brain caught up with his eyes, whether that was thanks to your unruly appearance made all that much worse by the rain or simply the fact that you were the last person he expected to see standing on his porch after what he had said. After what you had done.

Probably should have run a brush through my hair before coming here.

And then you blurted it out.

“I ended it.”

The rain raged on in an angry war against you but you stood defiantly, like there was some ground there to hold. And maybe there was. It certainly felt like there was. If it wasn't the rain, it was his eyes, staring dangerously into yours and then, even without a single utterance from him still, you saw it. It was undeniable and unmissable.

Jake's eyes flickered down to your lips where they lingered for what felt like an eternity but in actuality was about two seconds. Two of the longest seconds you'd ever felt, waiting for someone to do something about it.

“I just thought you should know,” you added.

And then you left.

[lollytea]

Love the idea that the feral, hormonal Willow post and the dress measurements post take place simultaneously, so you have this teenage girl holding onto her restraint by the skin of her teeth and then suddenly getting a text from her boyfriend with his measurements because??? what???does she do with this??? Is he making a move?? Is something happening here?? It’s probably too forward to send her own, right?? Should she just go for it or gather intel from her friends first?? meanwhile Hunter is just like “I’m gonna make Willow such a pretty dress :D”

YES!! That is exactly what's going on here. I have this vision of how Willow and Hunter's romantic relationship started off. Things moved quite slow, because Hunter got overwhelmed very easily and Willow liked him so much and didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable in what should be a safe space. It's very new and neither of them really know how to approach romance immediately, but one of them desperately wants to practise and one of them needs more time to ease into it.

Willow is always watching Hunter with sharp eyes, intently reading his body language, waiting for any kind of signal that he'd like to do a little more than hold her hand. It's usually Willow that initiates the less nerve wracking stuff like hugs and hand holding and casual affection, but she let Hunter kiss her first. She's very proud of herself for noticing the way he glanced at her mouth or she wouldn't have asked "do you want to kiss me?" and then he wouldn't have done it. Whenever Hunter initiates something, Willow knows he wants this. She knows they're making progress.

Once during a group movie night, he fell asleep resting against her side and she laid in that uncomfortable position all fucking night. He eventually started sleep snuggling her and she she was fucking EXHILERATED. This is what she's been starving for.

A headcanon that I hold so near and dear to my heart is that Willow is secretly batshit insane. Totally bonkers. Off the fucking rails. Yknow just in general. And Hunter definitely makes the crazy flare up. But she's always been good at hiding it so nobody suspects a thing.

Hunter is not very good at articulating how he feels about Willow but he's desperate to express it in any way that he can. So he's always doing nice things for her. And making her laugh. And supporting her in any way that he can. And surprising her with little gifts that he made.

Willow also isn't all that good at articulating how she feels about Hunter. "You're cute" and "You mean a lot to me <3" and other casual flirty lines are used a lot but she's not quite covering the extent of emotions. She feels a lot more intensely than that. She can't really put it all into words. All these feelings give her the unbearable urge to start gnawing on his flesh like a fucking damn griffin drumstick.

The texts make her wanna act up somethin fierce

Hello_willow: what are these?

RULERZREACHF4N: My hip, waist and bust size <3

Willow at her fucking LIMIT:

What does that MEAN?? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN??? Is this flirting? Maybe Hunter's idea of a scandalous text?? She knows from whispers in the hallways that sometimes significant others send pics when they wanna get bold. Like shirtless pics. She has been hoping every damn day that one day her scroll is gonna buzz and its her shy boyfriend, deciding that he likes the way his chest looks today and he wants to show it off to her. But it can never be that simple, can it? NO. Her fucking tailor of a boyfriend it trying to speak to her in tailor language and she can NOT fucking fumble him right now because there's a chance that if she gets this right, she might get to put her hands on the areas that he has given her the measurements of.

Hello_willow: Oh

Is she supposed to compliment him on his beautiful measurements? His broad chest? His slim waist? Should she say that she'd have no problems wrapping her arms around him? That he is the perfect size for squeezing? That she wants to come over and see for herself if he's being honest? Is that what he wants to hear?

RULERZREACHF4N: Is there something you want to tell me? :)

Willow panics, suddenly feeling the pressure to answer quick. What does he want?? WHAT DOES HE WANT????

She quickly decides that she CANNOT be bold here. Because all of the things she wants to say are shockingly indecent.

That's when she realizes. It's Hunter. Hunter, who told her yesterday that he used to be scared of the dark when he was little. Hunter, who might be trying, in his own weird Hunter way, to be a little more vulnerable. Give her more personal details about himself, so she knows that he trusts her and feels safe with her. Like when a beast rolls over on its belly.

A little of Willow's tension melts away. He's very sweet. She likes him an awful lot.

Not knowing how to proceed, Willow awkwardly tries to let him know that she appreciates him telling her things that he thinks are important.

Hello_willow: thank you

Feeling a little unsure, she adds a question mark at the end. And then, upon getting a few seconds of silence on the other end, she panics again and hurriedly types another message. A little more upfront this time.

Hello_willow: I love learning new things about you Hun. You have very elegant measurements <3

Another twenty seconds pass.

RULERZREACHF4N: Thanks. You're sweet <3

HALLELUJAH TO THE TITAN, TO THE SON AND TO THE HOOTY GHOST!!! HE THINKS SHES SWEET!!! SHE IS GONNA GET TO HOLD HIS HIPS TONIGHT!!!!

RULERZREACHF4N: Can I have your Dad's number?

NO!!! HOW THE FUCK DID SHE FUMBLE THIS!!!!

[jadedresearcher]

Thoughts on Liminal Horror

So this has been kicking around in my head a while, and I woke up with some actual coherent thoughts on it that I'm trying to capture before I lose them.

There was a tumblr post I saw before that I have long since lost about how liminal horror should NOT have a monster and isn't just "oh you're alone somewhere". And I couldn't agree more! But I haven't been able to articulate exactly why. Liminal, as a word on it's own, means transitional. Liminal spaces are real things that are places where you are on the WAY to somewhere. Liminal doesn't mean infinite spooky mazes, is my first point.

A liminal space could be hallways on the way to an office. Maybe you're trying to get some government bullshit completed. Maybe you're on the way to a doctor you're not entirely familiar with. A liminal space could be the terminals in an airport, as you try to make it to your flight in time. Or a highway you're driving on while looking for a particular exit. Or a carpark as you look for where you had parked among seemingly identical cars. You've been in liminal spaces so so many times. The point is that the spaces themselves aren't what you're really paying attention to. You're thinking of what you'll do when you get there, or going over the things you'll need to keep track of when you arrive. The directions you have to get there, maybe.

So in your MEMORY, and especially your dreams, these spaces take on a peculiar quality. They're SLIPPERY. It's hard to remember any details of them, because you weren't really focused on them. It's just a miasma of "i was in a hallway" or "i was on a road". Maybe a few weird details jump out on you, but it only serves to blend together the rest of the journey. So, when we elevate liminal spaces to HORROR, the first thing we do is lean into that. Impossible spaces because your memory genuinely does not care what any part of them is like save the ending.

Impossible spaces because we tap into that part of you deep down that is unsettled if you try to remember them, and wonders if maybe they really HAD been so weird when you were in them, and you just didn't notice.

This is getting longer than I thought, so may as well put in a cut!

So. I've explained WHAT liminal spatial horror is as well I was going to be able to, I think, but I haven't really articulated why a MONSTER feels like it kneecaps the entire premise.

Have you ever been lost in a liminal space? Keeping in mind that "liminal space" is a thing we all encounter constantly and not shorthand for creepy pastas. Have you ever wandered unfamiliar areas that normally you wouldn't even be paying attention to, increasingly desperate that you won't get to your destination in time? Are you going to miss your flight? What if you can't get your government bullshit taken care of in time? Or your doctor's appointment will skip you and you already waited so long to get it. Did you already miss your exit?

That fear is what I'm focused on here.

It's hard to make you feel that fear in an artificial way.

Even if we give a character in a game all sorts of motives to reach a destination by a certain time, you only feel annoyed at the time pressure, not really *scared*. And although the person lost in a liminal space rarely can just give up and leave, YOU, the player of a game, can.

So liminal spatial horror tends to distill it down to a single fear: where is the exit.

Of course, simply "wanting to leave" is rarely pressure enough to *rush*. And I can see why adding a monster is a quick trick to add that 'going so fast you can't navigate' vibe to the experience.

What I'm saying here is that the time spent is the POINT. That you can slowly build up to that desperate pressure to rush.

You can emphasize that desperation a more subtle way, a way my favorite instances of liminal spatial horror do: bodily needs. You are in a space clearly created by humans, and yet without a single human need met. There are no water fountains. There are no bathrooms. There are no vending machines. Nowhere to comfortably rest. If any of these things do exist they are empty or corrupt in some way.

The temperature, in my favorite experiences, is noted to be wildly incorrect. It's freezing cold. It's burning hot. It's not even remotely the temperature you'd expect an office building full of humans to be.

At first, this leans into this desire to reach a destination, ANY destination. Maybe you can't find the way OUT but maybe you can find out "The Truth"? Maybe if you keep going and going and going you can figure out why this place is LIKE this.

If a human made this space it had to be intentionally to torture people. How fucked up do you have to be to sink this many resources into doing something like this? How long did it take to make? Why did no one notice?

If a non-human intelligence made this space maybe you can find out WHY? Maybe... maybe they were trying their best but didn't realize how uncanny valley and dangerous it would be to a person? If no intelligence was behind it at all, maybe you can find out HOW? Maybe it's a reflection of our collective unconscious, or the planet mimicking the increasing amount of man-made works on itself? But as you continue on and on, as a real living human being in an impossible liminal space horror situation, you realize it doesn't matter how or why or when or any of the questions you dangled in front of yourself like a will-o-wisp driving you ever further in.

Because you realize you're going to die in here. Maybe it'll be the thirst. Humans can only go a few days without water. Maybe hunger will be what finally gets you. Its hard to tell how long you've been in here when any clocks you find in the hallways are all frozen to the same time and the sun hangs over the infinite highway like an immovable, swollen eye. But the hunger is ever present.

There's always exposure. Cold, hot, never anything between. How can you be freezing to death in an office hallway?

That isn't right. That isn't how it should be. Starving and freezing and dying of thirst is something that happens to people OUTSIDE civilization. It would make sense if you were lost in the woods but you can SEE sign after sign of civilization and other people for gods' sake!

How could this be happening? Why isn't anyone coming to help you?

And then we draw back, to you-who-is-consuming-this-fictional scenario. Because the point of horror is to get the person in the chair riled up, not just the character within the fictional premise.

Are you thinking about how often people starve and freeze and die of thirst in our own civilizations? Inches from the trappings of safety? With no help coming?

Are you thinking of how many desperate people navigate government mazes of plaster and brick and paper and online forms, driven forward by the hope of government aid or food stamps or HELP. How many people hunker down in a freezing subway or under a bridge on the highway or other public space knowing that no one SEES them because they're all transitioning from one space to another?

You probably aren't. Not directly. But we all know we're closer to freezing to death under a bridge or denied life-saving medical care in an office than we are to being a billionaire, right?

And there's something about that, deep in our gut, that resonates. That thread of reality in the safely fictional that keeps us coming back. Unable to articulate WHY but also thinking that liminal horror is somehow SCARIER than mere monsters. We all know that deadly predators are unlikely to get us. Adding a monster lets us move our too-real-fear to a safe target. And it's valid to want to do that! To decide spatial horror is too much, to want to thin it out like adding ranch dressing to a too-spicy chicken wing.

But that's why I think that the monsters are an artificial add on. And not a part of spatial horror.

[ineffectualdemon]

The levels you get judged as autistic are weird

Because they are based on how well you communicate with neurotypicals (as I understand it, please correct me if I'm wrong) and don't actually cover the autistic persons level of need

Like I got level 1 because I am fairly articulate on a good day and as my husband puts it "you can seem human for roughly the first 15 minutes" (note he is allowed to say this, i find this humor funny and he's also on the spectrum)

I am educated, fairly well spoken, and can fake social niceties if I don't talk or if it's over text. This does not make me better able to take care of myself nor does it make me better than any autistic person who cant do that. I can talk good sometimes. Its just a fact not a judgement on my worth or anyone else's

But it sure is treated that way

I am not able to live independently. I can't handle if I'm asked to change the side of the road from my usual routine much less anything more disruptive. I can't manage my own finances. I have loud meltdowns in public. I visibly stim. Once my timer of being able to human breaks I will invariably say something wildly inappropriate and not understand why it's inappropriate. I can't arrange things for myself because I get flustered and confused. I need support on a daily basis

I cannot take care of myself even if you remove my chronic pain and fatigue.

Sure I could run an errand or go some place by myself before when I was still mobile but there was an over 50% chance of me having a meltdown on the way or once I'm there and needing help

And sure in the past I could go to new places alone ..if my husband took me the day before and walked the route with me and helped me write down very specific instructions and directions and be on the other end of the phone when i break down

Sure was once able to go to new places and events and then immediately get overwhelmed and lose my words and have a meltdown or dissociate in order to cope

And the after affects would mean I'm stressed out and physically ill for days after

Like I'm not saying I need anything like the support of high support needs autistic people

I am able to communicate my thoughts accurately through text most of the time

(not so much out loud. There I vary wildly between considered articulate and screaming with anger because I can't get the words! I know they are there but I can't access them and it makes me angry and no one else understands what's going on or why I'm suddenly angry)

I am aware that is a massive privilege and skill in my possession that allows me to advocate myself in way that is impossible for non verbal members of the communicate

You can advocate for yourself

But not same as me

And that's in my favour and I am sorry

So I try to advocate for you when I can

To have your back

Being non verbal, having intellectual disabilities, any number of factors could mean someone needs more support than me

And I am not saying we are exactly the same

But the fact that I am highly dependent on my husband to survive is just written off as not important because "I speak well"

And that's just a really weird way to weigh it in my opinion

Like yeah I don't seem to them like I should need to be dependent on others to survive but I fucking well am

Idk

The system just seems fucked to me

[kitorin]

"What's a possession of yours you associate with your lover?"

Meguru ponders a bit at the question, clearly deep in thought. You place down the card, one from the bunch of 'Questions for couples' game Yoichi had gifted you recently. They're fun, ranging from deep, personal ones to lighthearted ones which were ultimately a matter of simple preferences. Apparently, they bring newer couples closer together (keyword 'apparently', Yoichi's only validation is his own knowledge).

You wait patiently— though fun they're not all easy, most questions were accompanied by a pause to contemplate. You've both considered giving up a question or two, simply because there was too much to think about (those resulted in a ramble or two, they're barely articulate but interesting to listen to nonetheless).

"Got it!" He smiles with triumph, as if he'd just won a prize or scored a goal.

"Omamori! The one my mum bought me this year." You know exactly what he's talking about; the Japanese amulet she'd purchased in Osaka during an art exhibition. Pink brocade silk bag adorned with cherry blossoms in a darker shade, the temple's name written in golden kanji on one side— with the other having success on it. It's so pretty, he carries it around wherever he goes, either the white string tied to his bag or placed securely in his pocket.

You weren't sure what he'd say, but a good luck charm certainly didn't come to mind.

"Why? Is it because I'm pretty?"

"Not really."

"You're so lovely, Meguru." Sarcasm laces itself with your tone. If not that, then you're even more curious about what it could be.

"No, I mean, I can't compare how pretty you are to anything else in this world, really." It's almost miraculous how he went from seemingly insulting you to making your face flush with flustered embarrassment. "But that's not the main point. This omamori." He reaches into his pocket, stroking it but leaving it there. "Is a lot more special than any other one." There's his grin, the one that competes with the sun because of how warm he is.

Nothing really comes to mind. You know they 'expire', some people believe they do every year, returning them to the temple for the staff to burn it in a ceremony. Others believe that they last forever. That doesn't serve as a clue anyways, whichever Meguru was, he kept them around either way.

You yield, too impatient and curious to think much more about it. "I give up."

"It's because we started dating this year."

"Doesn't the kanji say it's for career success?" There's no correlation between it and you, you have nothing to do with his position as an athlete, or with soccer as a whole.

"I didn't mean it like that." Meguru pulls you in for a hug, nuzzling his chin into your shoulder. "You're my omamori."

You feel as if it's the other way, he's always defending you; being the first to stand up for you verbally or fighting without hesitation even if the opposing party was for no match for you in the first place. Remaining silent, you wait for him to clarify.

"You've always helped me feel at peace. You protect me from those scary thoughts that have kept me up for nights. You protect me from loneliness." His hug grows tighter, as if something was going to take you away from him. "Thanks to you I don't have to rely on some imaginary friend to keep me company."

Your fingers run through his hair, soft and messy from rolling around during his nap from earlier. "Then I hope you'll let me continue doing so."

"Of course." Meguru kisses you, the sweetness of him and pineapple lingering on your lips. "I love you."

Those three words are no foreigner to you. You've uttered them to friends, family, and even strangers on the internet. But with intimacy those very same words metamorphose into something different. The allure of romance places weight onto them, the weight of upmost importance.

That doesn't mean you find it too heavy.

"I love you too, Meguru." You go for another kiss, the saccharinity of his lips being strangely addictive, something about the taste of him mingled with pineapple is so intoxicating.

Three simple words, yet known to possess so much significance. They say it's a frightening confession to make, a powerful declaration of adoration and vulnerability. Much like any component of love, it comes with uncertainty and the fear of being deprived of reciprocated feelings.

Not for you though, the words come off both of your tongues smoothly, as if you were born to do so. There's no signs of hesitation or fear, or worry— just faces flushed with bashful scarlet and kisses honeyed with adoration.

( Guess the card game wasn't lying when it said it'd bring you closer, nor was Yoichi )

Tagging: @yuzurins

© kitorin : do not repost, plagiarize, change, or translate

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Oh no was the spin-off bad or just mediocre? Is there anything you particularly liked or disliked about it?

god okay let's get into the good, the bad, and the ???? of it all. hiding it entirely under a cut because spoilers ahoy.

the :)

I have reservations about the Riddler as a full protagonist that I'll articulate below, but I can't really fault any of the writing re: Eddie's dialogue at all. the characterization of the Riddler as an insufferably cocky and nosy motormouth works really well, and Hasan Minhaj seems like he's having a blast with the expanded role.

I also like ESCAPE ARTIST PICKPOCKET RIDDLER recognition!!!

also hey even though they didn't follow up on some of the very promising tidbits re: Eddie's potentially deteriorating mental state dropped in Unburied, I like that it was made clear that there are physical components to his riddle compulsion, namely mentioning that his chest was getting tighter. it adds an interesting dimension to his whole schtick!

having listed all these fun traits that I enjoy, I also respect that the story doesn't feel the need to like... soften Eddie in order to make him a more likeable protagonist. oh haha the funny little asshole man? yeah he killed people. he kills a guy literally in the course of the story after proclaiming in the very first episode that he's mostly non-violent. and he's 100% chill about it because fuck that guy! he doesn't matter, he's in the way of the riddle! and the whole ending with Nadira is... oofah doofah, that's crazy. that's crazy crazy. and it's pretty tasty!

I LOOOOOVE appearances from minor villains!!! bro we got THE FUCKING TALLY MAN in this!!! also hey when I wrote that absurdly long post-Unburied fic I CORRECTLY predicted Croc, Sportsmaster, and the fucking Condiment King someone. I don't know. pay me or kiss me on the mouth for that or something.

I wish there was more Barbara, of course, but I really like what we did get of her! I like that we've kind of skipped over any need for her to have a Batgirl era and just got straight to the good stuff of being almost Oracle. I love to see her exactly where she belongs: flagrantly committing cybercrime to save lives because she can.

also the sound design is still good, and I really like the new music for the opening and Azrael's motif

also speaking of Azrael I'm going to say ONE nice thing about how he was written which is that I DO think it's interesting that they directly pointed out that the concept of Azrael as an angel of death is actually much more prominent in Islam than Christianity while also making in unambiguous that the Nygmas are a Muslim family. it adds a little bit of intrigue to the connection between Nadira and JP, not nearly enough to actually redeem Nadira as a big bad in my eyes (see below) but it is interesting!

also lastly Eddie is flirting so hard with Bruce AND Barbara I love you problematic awful bisexual representation. AND Killer Croc wants to fuck him? madness.

the :/

I alluded to this earlier, but I don't know if I love Eddie promoted to the POV protagonist! it's a big departure from Unburied, not just in terms of who's the main character but also in terms of limiting the scope of the story. giving Bruce and Barbara's alternating perspectives in Unburied was brilliant for building up the mystery and creating suspense in the story, and when the story came together to focus fully on Bruce as Batman it felt organically earned.

and also on a more Eddie-centric note I just! think he works better as a supporting character for other people to bounce off of, rather than being a lead in his own right!

I'm putting this in :/ instead of :( because it's more of a matter of personal taste than anything but godddddd I wanted more Barbara :/ I love her :/ where is she :/ I'm mostly mad because I wanted a spinoff of her and Eddie solving crimes while he crashes in her couch and does petty crime but godddddd god god god I want her back so bad I love her more than Eddie and Bruce combined

while I like the emotional beats of the resolution with Nadira I don't... like her as a character or a storytelling device. like I'm sorry but I don't really care about the Riddler's family drama! especially not when it's as heavy-handed as "my sister told me riddles to distract me from our parents fighting." very reminiscent of the backstory where Leonard and Lisa Snart would hide out in an ice cream truck or whatever, please stop trying to make psychology this painfully clear cut.

I also didn't really need an origin story but I do like that it's kind of an updated version of his first BTAS episode!

I can't decide if Jean Paul unceremoniously killing off Flass is really funny or sucks shit. kind of both but it does veer towards the latter, I was really hoping that if they're going to keep making more of this podcast we would at least get to see Babs get an arc where she investigates Flass and gets justice for her dad on her own terms. but then again. it is pretty funny.

also god this isn't REALLY about the show but I have to say this. the Riddler a.) getting #calledout by Azrael for bearing false witness and b.) ESPECIALLY him trying to dunk on his sister by implying she should marry a white guy are SO FUNNY given the timing of the minor scandal re: Hasan Minhaj maybe just straight up making things up entirely in his comedy and SPECIFICALLY getting that poor woman doxxed by claiming she dumped him for racist reasons. I'M JUST SAYING. (editor's note: since absolved of all wrongdoing and the woman who wrote that piece is genuinely unhinged, but the timing was still BANANAS.)

the :(

I'm just gonna say it, man: I'm not into Colman Domingo's Bruce/Batman performance at all. I don't know what happened behind the scenes to precipitate Winston Duke leaving the role, but god fuck I'm in mourning. Duke is genuinely one of my favorite portrayals of Bruce ever for his distinctive Batman voice and how much expressiveness, vulnerability, and warmth he brings to the character, and while I wouldn't want his replacement to try and mimic that performance exactly (impossible!) it seems like Domingo just... wasn't even given the memo? this is a much flatter Bruce, and I simply cannot love him.

re: my complaints about Nadira above, her character is just handled in a really underwhelming way. having Eddie repeatedly call her "sis" is stumbling straight into the one of the worst of all lazy exposition techniques, especially since Bruce works his way to that exact revelation, like would it have killed anyone to just... let us wonder about the connection a *little* longer? also, again, those flashbacks are ARTLESS. in Unburied there's framing and context for all of the ways the past blends into the present, whether it's Strange's recordings or the story taking place inside Bruce's own meddled memories. it really feels like they're just hurling backstory at us with a catapult in this one.

the ultimate big bad reveal is... ugh. UGH. Unburied was a really cool nesting doll of a minor Batman villain being manipulated by a more well-known villain being manipulated by an A-list villain with a cool and unique spin on her backstory... Secrets in the Dark has an absolutely WASTED member of the Batfamily used as a killer of the week, controlled by a minor dirty cop and a complete OC who doesn't get much screentime at all. cool!

also hey listen. as soon as they start going "hmm... I don't know this is just too big for Flass... SOMEONE else must be helping him..." it's like. I don't know, man. do you think it's possibly the only new character introduced in the series who we know was just elected to a government position? do you think maybe that's who it could be?

also hey man speaking of which they just fucking. they just used Jean Paul as a random deranged serial killer and then the fucking Riddler managed to convince him to off himself. fucking. disrespectful. this feels like that episode of Arrow (sorry to cite Arrow in 2023, I know) when Helena's just like. an antagonist of the week for Oliver to fight. disrespectful!!!!

"Makenzie I thought you didn't even like Jean Paul why does it matter" I'M COMING AROUND ON HIM

overall the plot just feels way more hectic and unpolished than Unburied and it's Unfortunate!

also hey do you remember at the end of Unburied where Bruce just casually blows the lid open on Eddie being afraid that he's like. devolving and actively losing his grip on his own brain and it's like extra bad and scary because he has no idea whether it really means anything when he passes psych evals, etc? really cool how we never really brought that up again

where was Ace :( :( :( my good boy :( :( :(

[thousandyearphantombunker]

"just give them an aac device!"

"just teach them sign language"

"body language and facial expressions alone are good enough for communicating what you need"

Nonononono f*!k off. Stop acting like nonverbal people have easy solutions to their lack of verbality. Not everyone can use an aac device- some people struggle with spelling or can't spell at all, some people have motor skills issues that makes typing a nightmare that takes a long time, some can't articulate themselves without outside help. Learning sign is hard if you again have motor skills issues or struggle to make facial expressions that convey what your feeling (flat affect applies to more than just a person's voice- some people really struggle to make facial expressions and have stilted or strange body language- you people can understand why autistic people get burnt out from masking all day- you know often having to control their body language and make certain facial expressions etc yet you can't understand why nonverbal autistics can't just learn sign- a language very heavy on facial expressions and expressive body language?) also again spelling and motor skill issues are a pain and also a lot of families with deaf or nonverbal children refuse to learn sign for said children and I'm sorry in day to day life I haven't met many people who speak sign- yeah you can move to a community with a lot of deaf or nonverbal people that use sign but that's not always possible and its very limiting. And do I even have to explain the third one- autistic body language is confusing to neurotypicals and I hate the stereotype that its just so blunt and obvious/better than neurotypical communication- maybe that's what its like for you and your 'smart sheldon cooper/Wednesday Addams' style autism but not every autistic person 'says exactly what they mean' often times autistic people struggle with semantics and articulating sentences that make any sense! and all these misunderstandings surrounding stimming are annoying to!- spinning can be a 'happy' stim but it can also mean your overwhelmed or understimulated, a lot of people with autism have voices that lack inflections, mix that in with being unable to use words and no it does not help communicate their needs- f!*k off with acting like its easy not all autistic people who are nonverbal can spell, not all autistic people w are nonverbal have good motor skills and body language alone is never enough to convey a persons needs. Before anyone comes after me yes Sign is body language but its also actual symbols and can convey full thoughts and ideas and sentences and also body language is hard for a lot of autistic people to convey like stated above.

Not every form autistic communication is being 'logical' and unoffended because 'we're just more logical than those superfluous, shallow neurotypicals that let their feelings control them and are never direct about what they want-we value facts and logic unlike those butthurt neurotypicals' and being overly blunt- no a lot of autistic people find that communication is messy and the ways they can communicate are ineffective and your 'logical, facts dont care about your feelings' style of communication isn't as amazing as you think it is. Stop speaking over nonverbal autistics- their is no real perfect solution to them not being able to speak. And I'm gonna say it- while not all nonverbal people are low functioning or high support needs or whatever the new term is-being nonverbal is a massive disadvantage and having your disability be visible like that is scary in many situations and being unable to communicate your needs can make it impossible to meet your needs-

[starcrossedsongs]

I've waxed poetic about this scene on Twitter, but I figured I'd do it here, too!

(Screenshots are my own, gifs are from here, by the lovely Dana)

I'm gonna quickly preface this by saying that I have zero idea if Zillace will be more than friends this season or beyond. They're my #1 ship right now, but either way, I just can't articulate enough how much I love this moment.

Katherine talked here about how when she and Zeeko play these kinds of scenes, their own experiences as the two POC leads on the show informs it. And I love that, because it's so apparent in the way that Tiff and OA interact.

This isn't an anti-Maggie or anti-Scola post, but their dismissal of OA taking offense to the suspect being assumed Middle-Eastern ticked me off. But, even with that, I noticed this:

First, OA is just...incredibly annoyed, which is super valid.

But even while that's happening, you know who's focused on him? Tiff. It's like they're having a silent conversation, with the real one to come minutes later once they get in the house.

Even as Maggie walks ahead, they're maintaining that eye contact. If you watch the scene in real time, it reminds me a lot of 5x04, when OA snapped at the agent who made a (distasteful) "joke" about the case. Then and here, Tiff was essentially laser-focused on OA the entire time, non-verbally seeing if he's good (and in the case of 5x04, both verbally and physically).

Which makes the 6x01 scene all the more special.

It's so short—honestly, if you blink or were looking at your phone, you might miss it. But Tiff opens up the door once she and OA are near each other and out of earshot from their partners—"So much for the guy being Middle-Eastern."

Look at OA's expression here. It's almost like he's bracing himself, the way his sentence trails off. Not that Tiff would say anything remotely like the SWAT leader, Maggie, or Scola did—but to me, it just looks like he's a guy who's tired of the assumptions and treads lightly sometimes when things like this happen.

Alright, so let's break this down. Tiff's response is immediate—yeah, I know. Because she does. Yes, she and OA look different, but they've each had to see up close and personal what having skin color like theirs means in situations like this. You're always a target. A suspect. Even if you didn't do anything.

The little shake of her head as she looks back down—sort of like, "it's a shame" type of thing.

But, then the "trust me" is what gets me. Because (first of all, Tiff, he does, with his life) she's seeing the opposite side of it: how Black people are often accused without warning just because of what we look like. And it's there—the innate understanding that she's communicating with him in that moment. She knows that after what happened outside, he's seeking reassurance that he's not overreacting, that he has a right to be annoyed, and with five words, Tiffany told him, you weren't wrong.

And OA freaking sighs after she says it. You can see it in his face, the relief at the fact that she gets it. Gets him. In five words, Tiffany understands. Perhaps more than anyone ever has.

Y'all see his eyes? The way they flit over her face for a second or two—relishing the fact that, okay, this is someone I don't have to tiptoe around. I can say exactly how I feel and know they won't judge me or have some preconceived notion. They listen, they hear me, and they don't try to understand. They simply do.

This has already gotten way too long, but I'm so serious when I say that OA and Tiffany have the most unique dynamic on FBI. There's so much depth and realness, a shared life perspective, and if you see them like I do, tons of chemistry as well. I really hope S6 furthers their bond, because it's so near and dear to my heart.

Thank you for coming to my TEDTalk! :)

[isopod-lesbian]

In 2015, I played Life is Strange; I was 17 years old, and hadn't quite realized I was a trans woman yet. For me back then, LiS was a fantasy more than anything; not because I wished I had Max's powers, but because I got to play as a young woman falling in love with her best friend. Even before I could articulate why, I felt this deep ache of longing for what could have been. By the end of that year, I had come out to myself and my friends, and I still credit LiS for helping me figure things out that way.

When I first played LiS, I felt like the "Bay" ending was the most appropriate for Max's story. If LiS is a game about growing up, then sacrificing Chloe is a hard but necessary choice to make, and I believed it was the right one. I never questioned the idea that good people will sacrifice their own happiness for the good of society, or for the people they love. So, when I began adulthood, I did so with purpose, but without passion. I did all the things I needed to do to survive and make it out into the world on my own, and I was miserable for most of the time.

When I came back to the LiS fandom in the past couple of years, I got a chance to re-examine my favorite game with a new perspective. I immersed myself in fanfic, I indulged my nostalgia, and I began to reinterpret this work that shaped me years before. I looked at the "Bae" ending especially with fresh eyes; I started seeing it not as a selfish decision, but an unselfish one, a choice made out of love for a girl who was let down by everyone who was supposed to care for her before. How cruel it was to imagine Chloe's story ending with her bleeding out in a bathroom, still thinking that nobody cared for her.

Now, I'm 25. I'm an adult in every sense of the word, and despite everything, it seems like my life is...kind of working out. I'm almost a year into HRT, I have a job that lets me live a reasonably nice life, and I'm planning on moving in with my girlfriend. When I started True Colors, I tried to temper my expectations, and hoped that my nostalgia for the past wouldn't inhibit my enjoyment of a new entry in the series. So, 6 years after the first, I played a Life is Strange game; and, for the second time, it showed me exactly what I needed to see.

If Life is Stange is a game about growing up, True Colors is a game about what happens after. It's a game about starting over, about finding a place to call home and people to call family. Where Max's powers let her find the perfect way to get what she wanted or say the right thing, Alex's powers ask her to understand the people around her. Where LiS holds the threat of the Storm over Max's head, Gabe's death in True Colors is just a tragedy that Alex has to process. LiS' central mystery comes down to an evil man doing evil things; True Colors' is the result of an entrenched capitalist machine that operates not out of malice, but out of sheer self-interest.

When I finished True Colors, I was confronted with a choice that felt like the polar opposite of LiS' ending. After all the excitement and emotion, the question posed to Alex first felt almost incidental. Nobody's life hung in the balance, neither choice carried any real emotional consequences, and there was no way of knowing what the ultimate results might be. But as I considered Gabe's vision for Alex, I was struck by how real it felt. How it felt like the choices I was already making in life, and the choices I know are yet to come in my future. I think 17-year-old me would have jumped at the idea of a life of adventure, traveling the country with the girl I love. But now, I can't help but think of how many chances we really get to find a home. I doubt it's a high number. So I chose to stay. And I can only hope that, whenever I'm given that choice in my life, I am brave enough to take a chance on whatever place I've found for myself.

[that-ari-blogger]

Amity's Fate (Escaping Expulsion)

Found family stories are fun, aren't they? They have become a dime a dozen in recent years, and I think that that's a good thing.

Family comes in varying forms, and The Owl House explores that as a core tenet. Lilith is surrounded by the theme. Belos and The Golden Guard feature it as a secondary characteristic. Luz can't escape the theme. Even Kikimora's arc deals with it.

Odalia is the main antagonist for this idea. It's her entire deal. And the way in which she acts as that familial final boss is fascinating to me.

Let me explain.

SPOILERS AHEAD (The Owl House, Rise of the Guardians, One Piece, Critical Role: Campaign 1)

What makes someone "important"?

In fiction, this is rather easy to tell. A character is important if they have a significant effect on the plot, and this is usually rewarded with time in the spotlight. Most often, the most important character in the plot is the one the reader will see the most. Obviously, there are exceptions, but this is a general rule.

But in terms of real life, what exactly is it that makes someone important? And how do you define "important"?

You could argue that inventors hold this title, or entrepreneurs, or politicians, as they define the overarching structure of your world. But I would say that my friends and family have more of an influence on my personal daily life. They are the ones who have made me into who I am today.

Maybe the most important person to you is your significant other, or a teacher, or someone random on a bus who accidentally reshaped your entire worldview six years ago.

Importance of plot and importance in reality are two different things, and my take on Odalia is a weird twist on that. Odalia is important to the plot because she is completely unimportant to Amity.

The arcs surrounding Odalia, those of her children and husband, revolve around them realising that they have better parts of their lives than her. Amity, for example, spends a decent chunk of the series learning that she doesn't need Odalia in her life and that Luz and co. are a much bigger influence on her than her mother's teachings.

Essentially, Odalia is only important because people think she is. Once they realise, she fades from relevance. I think that's a really cool writing decision.

When Odalia and Alastor were introduced, back in Understanding Willow, the choice was made to obscure their character designs to silhouettes because who these people were wasn't important, and the episode focused on what they had done.

But now, the audience is treated to their full appearances, and I'd like to take that apart.

Alastor is a mess. He hasn't been bothered to get into formal attire for a business meeting, either because he doesn't own a suit or because he doesn't care. Judging by the fact he lives in a mansion, I am inclined to believe the latter. He is covered in stains from his research and wears a set of goggles to lean into the professorial atmosphere. Combine that with the unkempt hair and his design is drawing heavy inspiration from Victor Frankenstein, something I will come back to in detail in a later post.

Odalia is Amity's final evolution. Everything about her is Amity taken to the extreme. She has the same nail polish, earrings (although her earrings change between shots), and hair colour, but the hair is more tidy. Her outfit is also more regal and more purple. She is what Amity will become; a path laid out for her. It is almost as if she has sculpted Amity in her image.

Odalia's design also reminds me a lot of Mrs Tweedy from Chicken Run for reasons I cannot articulate.

Upon looking at Amity and her parents, it is obvious that Amity and her mother are related, but Alador seems like the odd one out, right? Except for two things.

Amity's hair is her means of expression in the story. When she dyes it different colours, it is an outward manifestation of her internal development. When it is left to its own devices, she has naturally brownish red hair, similar but not exactly the same as Alador.

Amity is her own person who bears a ton of similarity to her father figure. But someone, most likely herself at the behest of Odalia, has made a concerted effort to cover that up.

The other element of Amity's design that links to her father's is something nobody can cover up. Amity has her father's eyes.

Rise of the Guardians is an egregiously underrated film that I love. It deals purpose and finding joy, but its pivotal scene is relevant to the discussion of Amity and Alador.

"You have big eyes." "Yes! Big eyes, very big, because they are full of wonder That is my centre. It is what I was born with: eyes that have always seen the wonder in everything! Eyes that see lights in the trees, and magic in the air - this wonder is what I put into the world!... It is my centre. What is yours?"

Santa Claus in Rise of The Guardians is a character who relies imagination and creativity, and there is a difference in the film between born gifts and who a person chooses to be. Santa was born seeing the world differently, and he used that to create and preserve that imagination in others.

Amity and Alador both see the world in the same way. They both look at the world and see what could be. They are intelligent, but less in the restrictive, linear ideal of "being a good student", they are more inventors, and Odalia has taken that intelligence and confined it.

That, is where the final element of Odalia and Alador's character designs comes into play, their expressions.

Alador looks tired all of the time. He isn't happy at all in this episode, and he only smiles twice. His entire demeanor tells you that he doesn't want to be wherever he is.

Odalia, however, alternates between arrogant superiority and scheming gremlin, and that reveals her personality as much as her actions. Odalia believes herself superior to others and is having fun with that confidence.

Amity is presented with both of these parental figures as options for her to develop into. The series is offering a good and a bad option, but then it does something clever and takes another rout. Amity becomes her own person, informed by her father, but unique in her own way.

To my point of Odalia's practical irrelevance, it's notable that all of Odalia's influence on her daughter is impermanent. It's her clothing, hairstyle, and expression, all of which Amity drops like a stone when she starts to achieve her autonomy.

Speaking of autonomy, this episode actually has stuff happening in it.

Starting with a side note. Gus barely reacts to the threat of execution and looks more horrified by being expelled. Everyone else in this scene looks and sounds equally upset by both, with the exception of Amity's relief at the second option. But Gus doesn't make a noise and just looks surprised by incoming death, as if it's a class he doesn't particularly want to go to, but has no choice in the matter. Does that concern anyone else?

I want to point out that Amity doesn't ever look afraid of her mother. She reacts to the execution gaff similarly to everyone except Gus, but to everything else, she just looks sad. This isn't a physically abusive relationship, but an emotionally abusive one. Amity spends the entirety of this episode feeling trapped.

"Luz, was it? Please, this isn't personal. I actually appreciate your tenacity. We're just trying to teach our daughter a valuable lesson in business."

Once again, this is the end result that Odalia has set out for Amity, complete uncaring ambition.

Now, I am not skilled in the art of business, I know that one line from A Muppets Christmas Carrol and that's about it. But I think Luz's response to Odalia is pretty neat.

"How does this teach anything? We're still gonna be friends with her. I'm calling applesauce on this business baloney!"

I do have to thank the writers of The Owl House for making Luz's dialect so incomprehensibly Luz, because it makes navigating the transcript (link) so much easier.

Anyway, as Luz points out, Odalia is just petty here. She is seeking revenge against her daughter for messing up her business promotion and is leveraging her unrivaled power to do so. She's not as uncaring as she thinks, and to her credit, she realises this in the moment.

But, Odalia is still cruel and entitled, being self aware doesn't diminish her villainy, and so she offers Amity' position to Luz. She has a mould, and she doesn't particularly care who fills it, just that it is filled. Odalia is another villain in this series who represents that theme of constraint.

Luz's dialect is actually important in this scene, because it positions her as a thematic opposite to Odalia. Luz doesn't care about the rules of "polite conversation" and will say whatever nonsense comes to her head if it gets the point across. Luz is free in her verbal expression, and Odalia restricts that of her family to barely a word.

However, Luz doesn't confront Odalia on a thematic level. The themes of the story are expressed through Luz's sheer presence, but in this situation, she isn't actively trying to prove the superiority of her worldview. Instead, she applies more of a Monkey D. Luffy approach.

For those who haven't read One Piece, Monkey D. Luffy (Third from the left) is a character who wants to be the freest man in the world. His antagonist is the World Government, who is restrictive and oppressive, and Luffy exists to oppose abuse of authority and injustice.

Luffy doesn't actively do this. He doesn't really care about the theming of his own story, it just happens around him. Repeatedly in the series, most notably in Enies Lobby and Arlong Park, Luffy declares comes into conflict with villainous powers who thematically oppose him. But, he doesn't confront them because of that theme, but because they hurt his friends.

Luz does the same thing across The Owl House, taking on Belos and Lilith in season one because she doesn't like how they treat Eda, and taking on Odalia here because she doesn't like how she treats Amity.

If you look closely, she actually does it twice in this very episode.

"Luz, you don't have to do that." "Yes, I do. Willow and Gus don't deserve this."

Luz gives in and takes up Odalia's offer to protect her friends, not because Odalia is nebulously villainous.

Back to Amity, she doesn't get as many actual lines in this episode as usual, but she is very much present in every scene she shows up in. From the silence, to the expressions, to the frustrated growling at every hinderance. Her worlds are colliding, and she can't keep everything under control.

This hits a breaking point with the confrontation.

"No, you're gonna listen to me for once. Luz, Willow and Gus are my friends! They're nice to each other, they listen to each other. They make me think about the kind of person I really want to be!"

Let's talk about Taryon Darrington.

Critical Role is a D&D live play that is currently in its third campaign. Halfway through the first campaign, the audience and players were introduced to the character of Taryon Darington, an artificer and human disaster in the most positive of ways.

I genuinely love Taryon, and have an entire post in the works dedicated to him and his significance for TTRPG culture as a whole, so I won't dwell too much here. Suffice to say this: Taryon's parental situation is similar to Amity's, in that his father viewed all of the Darington estate as means to an end, without the care and affection necessary to actually raise a family. When Taryon confronted him, he gave a speech remarkably similar to Amity's in Escaping Expulsion.

"In my year of travel, I didn't just dilly-dally around the world having fun. I was learning about the world and about life and about family. I was learning from these fine people what it means to really be a family, and care about each other. I learned from Grog and Vax what it means to be a man, and to be a father. I learned from Pike what it means to be a caring mother. I learned from Keyleth what a real sister is like, one who loves you and cares for you. I learned from Vex what a best friend is like. These are things you never gave us, growing up. I even learned from Percival, the type of man I would want to marry one day."

This is a speech of separation. It says officially that Howaardt (Taryon's father) has no bearing on his actions, and that Taryon will go about his life without a care for the foolishness of his father's actions. It is claiming autonomy, and it is pointing out that Howaardt was only important to Taryon because he told him so, in reality, the connection was minimal.

Amity's little speech is the same. She is proclaiming that she doesn't need Odalia's fake affection and conditional acceptance. She wants to be around her friends, as they make her into a better person. Amity is more influenced by the actions of those she surrounds herself with than her mother.

Most of all, Amity is influenced by Luz and the example she sets. Light, do not faulter.

That's some good found family storytelling, right there.

Final Thoughts

Odalia and Amity's story will continue until the end of the series, but it really ends with season two's penultimate episode, which I will get to.

I wanted to do a whole thing on how purple is associated with wealth because of sea snails (its more complicated than that), but I couldn't figure out a way of putting it in the post and relating it to the abominations and Amity's hair dye later on in the series.

I didn't talk about Eda and Lilith discovering more nuanced glyph magic, and that's because... I don't like the writing in those scenes. This episode is really good overall, but the dialogue in Lilith and Eda's scenes doesn't sit right with me, it feels too simple, like it's trying too hard to be turned into memes. But that's just my opinion.

Next week, I am looking at Echoes of the Past, so stick around if that interests you.

Previous - Next

[laurfilijames]

Hi friend! A Charlie ask for you because I'm sure you have a lot of photos of him saved 😉: what are your top 3 favorite Charlie photos of all time?

Ohhhh Jess how I love you for this ask!! 😍

You assumed correctly in that I do have many photos of this gorgeous man saved for my convenience to browse whenever I am in need of a pick-me-up, which has come in handy recently and I was more than happy to go through them again to find my favourite 3 (being allowed to choose only 3 was cruel btw!)

Number 3:

A current one of Charlie at the London premiere of Rebel Moon. He's perfect. PERFECT. The hair and the way it swoops at the back. His beard with all the gray in it and the little swirl it always makes on his cheek. The candidness of him looking off to the side. And don't get me started on his NECK and how bitable it looks. *bites fist and screams*

Number 2:

LOOK AT THAT SMILE. Seeing him grin like this makes me lose my damn mind every time. It lights up his whole face. I just love his smile and when it's big enough to make the lines around his eyes scrunch up I die. How can anyone not smile when they see this?!!?

Number 1:

Okay. It's hard to form words to articulate exactly how this photo makes me feel. The thots that have been thunk because of this one are not at all appropriate to be shared if that begins to give you any idea of what this does to me. 🥵 Something about the way that toothpick is just sitting in his mouth (and how he was probably playing with it with his tongue 😩) and the cockiness on his face always makes me think that he's just finished saying something filthy or ordered me to do whatever he wants and let me tell you how much I adore that confidence and how ready and willing this bitch is to be a good girl and abide by his wishes 😇

Speaking of listening and following instructions (he can punish me, it's okay.)...I went ahead and bent the rules because I felt bad not including this one too😈

The simplicity and sweetness of it is captured so well. He looks so calm and content and I'd sell my soul to be on the receiving end of that look. I can't get enough of the creases around his mouth and this photo puts them perfectly on display like the masterpiece he is 😍

Again, thank you so much for sending this ask. It really helped bring a smile to my face and having an excuse to stare at Charlie is always the cure for any bad day or stressful time💗

[lollytea]

one day Hunter isn't going to be flustered and tongue-tied around Willow for at least a solid 70% of their interactions like he is now and he's gonna be all comfy and assured in his relationship with her and he's gonna be able to joke and tease and flirt with her without melting into a puddle and he's gonna be like "oh. oh this is REALLY nice, actually."

I have this vision of Hunter and Willow's current dynamic in my head and it revolves around this idea that I find really sweet. And it's like.

Though Hunter still doesn't have the words to articulate how he feels about Willow just yet and he's rendered near mute whenever she flirts with him, he's not exactly beating himself up over it. Hunter doesn't feel pressured to force himself out of his comfort zone and start awkwardly flirting before he's ready to do so. Because Willow never makes him feel like he has to.

She understands that this is all a bit much for Hunter to take in so her flirting is never framed in a way where she's pushing him to respond. If anything, she just does it cuz she likes him. Cuz she likes being sweet to him and she thinks his blush is cute and she genuinely thinks he's so cool and wants to let him know. And it gets him all smiley and giggly and she loves it. It's also gradually building his confidance. But on top of all that, it's just a passive little reminder like "Hey. I'm not going anywhere. Whenever you're ready to say something, I'll be right here." Cuz she knows he likes her too and won't make him feel like she's ever losing interest and he'll miss his chance if he doesn't hurry up.

I dunno. It's so cute to me. Willow doting on him and Hunter unable to utter a single word but they both clearly like it and know the other likes it too. They have an understanding. For the moment, this is just what works for them.

But one day, when the time comes, something is gonna slip out of Hunter's mouth. And once he realizes that if he really puts his mind to it, ohhh he could flirt too!!! He could!!!

I could see it happening after all the Collector stuff is handled. Its been a few months. The dust has settled. Things are beginning to return to some semblance of normalcy. They're not really dating but they're also....not not dating, yknow? It's a slow build. Of course Willow does the flirting and the affectionate little touches and makes it very obvious she's interested. But she's waiting until Hunter is a little more comfortable in their interactions before they progress things any further.

She's walking him home (She's very chivalrous. Makes Hunter swoon.) and they're lingering at his doorstep. Willow is laying the flirting on thick and Hunter is eating it up, as always. Everything is the status quo, until Willow, admiring the way the sunlight catches flecks of gold in his warm brown irises, says:

"I really like your eyes."

And Hunter, whose brain has completely tapped out from the overload of her attention and the hook of her pretty smile, replies, as naturally as a heartbeat.

"Thanks. My eyes really like you too."

And Willow, sweet Willow, has a brief flash where she completely malfunctions. She freezes, eyes blowing wide, only for her lashes to begin fluttering in discombobulation.

Hunter, realizing what he just said, is not any less stunned. However he can't even say anything to do damage control as the impact of his own skin burning mortification sucks the oxygen out of his lungs and all he can manage is a strangled little squeak.

Willow seems too inside her own head to notice.

"Oh!" She exclaims. "Um. Thank you."

Wriggling where she stands, she clasps her fidgety hands together as a slight pinkish hue blossoms on her cheeks. Eyes jump to the ground as her features wrestle to keep her smile moderate but it's impossible. That giddy grin bursts her features apart. She glows.

And Hunter sees every moment of it.

She liked that, he realizes. She liked that a lot.

Willow raises her head, still looking dizzingly happy. But she's far bolder than he is because she looks him dead in the eye and makes a remark, struggling to curb the breathy giggles in her voice "That was...very smooth of you, Hunter."

Smooth.

Smooth like Willow.

He can be smooth like Willow.

There is literally nothing stopping him.

They bid eachother a bit of clumsy but thoroughly smitten goodbye and Hunter rushes upstairs, leaps face down into his bed and nearly breaks the thing apart from the manic kicking of his legs. The muffled noises he makes into his pillow got dogs the next realm over going bananas.

He tries to call Gus because he's got to tell somebody but once he's like "You'll never guess what just happened!! You'll never guess what I just did!!!!" he realizes that now he's gotten this far, he actually has to recount what just happened. With words. So instead he's like "actuallynevermindgottago!!" and hangs up.

But anyway. ANYWAY. That was my little origin story of Hunter realizing that he is capable of opening his mouth and unleashing some magic that he thought just Willow could do. Sure, she's a lot better at it. But he'll learn.

He does learn.

It takes a little time but once he's found his footing in this whole "taking initiative" thing, it turns out that Hunter can be a relentless flirt. If the mood strikes him. There was apparently a lot of flirty potential just gathering dust in that whole Golden Guard persona and now he finally has somewhere to channel it.

There's a girlfriend to be a nuisance to.

"Quit it!!" Willow attempts to sound vexed but she's utterly transparent to Hunter. She lunges around the flyer derby field, making another failed grab for him, but he's a bastard who can scramble his molecules.

"Cmon, Captain...." He teases with an antagonistic cackle. "If you really like me, you'd try a little harder to keep me in place."

Through burst after burst of glitchy jumps, Hunter is snapping all around Willow. He's at her side, he's behind her, he's flicking her hair, he's poking her cheeks, he's blowing in her ear, he's tweaking her hips, he's chanting teases at her. He's being a general menace and Willow wants to say she can't stand it.

She wants to.

"What's that smile for, huh~?" His voice softly singsongs, the swell of his lip just barely brushing against her ear and Willow seizes up. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you liked this."

Glitch.

He's at her other ear now. "Is it because of all the touching?"

Glitch.

He's directly in front of her. "Is that why--uMPH!!"

Willow dives forward and snatches him in her arms.

"Gotcha!!" She announces, grinning victoriously.

The unpredictability of his less than solid body left her having to grab him suddenly with little thought for the means to go about it. As a result, Willow is currently squeezing Hunter around the waist.

It works out though. As Willow is well aware, he really likes it when she holds his waist.

Hunter laughs at the intensity of her triumphant expression. "Well done." He relents. "You got me."

There's an infamous smugness that contorts his smile into a challenging smirk. "But now that you got me...what will you do with me?"

Willow's own smile twists evilly. Her grip tightens slightly. "Maybe I'll squeeze you like my life depended on it. Pop ya like a balloon."

Hunter snorts at the threat. "I guess you could...." He croons.

"Or I could haul you over my head and fling you across the field." Willow suggests. "See how far I can send ya."

He hums, delighted by the audacity. "You could..."

Willow's evil smile borders on maniacal. Her grip on him loosens, hands sliding to place themselves gently against his hips. She then digs her thumbs into them slightly, like a warning.

Hunter goes rigid, his lips visibly twitching.

"I could tickle ya."

A threat like that makes him crack a little and the dorkiness softens the edges of his sharp smile.

"You could..." He says slowly. Cautiously. His hands have ventured over hers, a feathery brush of fingers against her backhand first, before he captures them firmly and holds them in place before she can do anything evil.

Willow pouts, which makes Hunter laugh again. His attempts to be lofty fail spectacularly, as it's not his teasing laugh. Sincerity bleeds from the sound, all crinkled eyes and adorable snorts.

"I could kiss you~" Says Willow as her final threat, doing an excellent impersonation of his musically lilting teasing voice.

Hunter's eyebrows lift, pleasantly surprised. And if that's not enough of an indicator that she's got this smooch in the bag, she pushes her palms against his hips and reels him in a little closer.

His step stutters as he's pulled into her chest. This should secure the deal. He loves hands on his hips. He loves being manhandled just a little.

To Willow's delight, she even makes him blush a bit. He doesn't do that often anymore but she can still stain his skin red every once in a while if she's dedicated enough.

"You could..." Hunter murmurs and he's already stooped his upper body to her level, only to find Willow was standing on her tiptoes.

They meet halfway.

Once the warmth settles on her mouth, Willow closes her eyes and she likes the long, lanky hand that spreads itself on her cheek, fingers stroking affectionately across her skin.

This is nice, she decides, and she knows he's been thinking the same thing for quite a while.

[marrowlyavoideddisaster]

I see you asking everyone about their opinions about spamton so here’s an ask for you about him! What’s your head cannon on how he got all puppet like (or he was always one? I see that around some times). Do you think he always had his voice glitches or was something post corruption kinda thing? Also like what do you think his personality was before his fall? Also like any general headcanons? (Sorry if these just seem random I’m bad at questions lol)

hii!!! thanks for the ask!!

OKAY. i usually follow the line of "what would be the most fucked up?" for my head canons. That being said, i have a couple different ideas for what i think would be The Worst on him. One idea is that it was the deliberate and malicious action of whoever was controlling him during his bigshot days. maybe any time that he didn't perfectly follow orders, he was turned a little bit more puppet-like. I think that this would be worse (scarier, more suffering) than if he was turned into a puppet through other corruption, or by actively following instructions because i think as he realized he was being transformed he would struggle even harder against it, and hence making it worse. lol! Another idea that i've seen around is that the appearances of darkners are kind of tied to their self image, and the reason he looks like that is largely due to his own poor self image, as well as the years of wear and glitches and corruption on him i've also heard other people say their ideas that addisons have internal articulation that just kind of looks like a doll or puppet (usually paired with Acid Theory, where spamton has a horrific skin melting jokerification process), which i think is interesting, and under that particular line, i think that the sort of articulated internal structure in addisons would probably be pretty similar to human skeletons where they are Smaller than you'd Think and kind of weirdly proportioned because of how bones tend to be shaped to accommodate anchor points for muscles and other stuff. so getting melted would probably not only make him smaller, but also account for his wacky proportions. Something else i'm fond of is the headcanon that he has a plush torso, like a doll, and while a lot of people like to have his ball joints start at his shoulders and hips, i'm of the opinion it would be more accurate (in terms of that style of doll) for him to have a plush body that extends to his mid thighs and middle upper arms, perhaps with armature wire articulation to give him some flexibility. I don't tend to thin down my head canons to have one specific line of thought, unless i'm having to write a story about it, so take this stuff with a grain of salt.

I think that his voice probably glitched out very occasionally before his corruption, like how people can have typos or stutter or mix up their words, but i think it got way worse post corruption

before his fall, i think he was probably a lot less lonely, but still kind of isolated. i think that even when he was famous, he was still probably deeply insecure and afraid of being seen as a fake and he was probably an asshole about it, lashing out at other people. in spite of this, i still think he was likely a lot less anxious and not exactly suffering from any hyper vigilance until his fall forced him into pretty much total isolation and survival mode.

hmm. i can't really think of that many general heacanons right now, but something i was thinking about a while ago, is that if spamton got thrown into the magnus archives universe after the world ended, he would probably end up in a domain that combined the lonely (personification/god of the fear of isolation, people forgetting you exist, that you will never be able to connect to anyone, that there's nobody else) and the spider (also sometimes called mother of puppets (i mean come on) and is the fear of being manipulated, led into a trap you can't see, getting tangled in a web that chokes you and makes you dance to the song it plucks on the strings). Thanks so much for the ask!! i really enjoyed answering it!

[letters-to-rosie]

talk revolution to me: arcane fanfiction playlist

there are few moments more exciting as a fanfic author than when someone makes something inspired by your work. in this case, we have a playlist made by @arrowdite, and in this post, because there were rationales for every song picked, I wanted to respond! the playlist is a work in progress, and this post is, too! thanks again, friend! 💖💖💖

check out the fic here!

1. Black Sheep - this is pulled from my regular Timebomb playlist. I think it fits the state we find Ekko and Powder in, regardless of the universe. Now that the truth is just a rule that you can bend / You crack the whip, shape-shift, and trick the past again

I really like the lines you pulled out on the past for this one. The vibe of the song, like sonically, is very Powder I feel, and the lines about the past really fit with how I just kind of drop the reader into the story, into Powder and Ekko's relationship in the main timeline, before I bothered to explain how they got like that in the first place lol. Their own lack of understanding about what really happened between them and the other's motivations when they were kids is such a big part of their arc, so these lyrics really fit, not just the ship in general but this... articulation, I guess lol, of them.

2. Run Wild - I imagine Powder listening to this song to hype herself up as she heads to The Last Drop in chapter 2. I think some of the lyrics in the chorus fit her when we first meet her, too: determined, but aimless. I’m on a mission and I won’t stop / No destination but it’s worth a shot

For two, she wasn’t going to go. She wasn’t. But then she got back to her apartment, dumped her bag out on the floor, and saw that stupid green eye staring back up at her. She has nightmares about green eyes, sometimes waking, sometimes sleeping. Her worst ones are the what-ifs—if she had just done something different that day, or any of the days preceding it, what kind of life would she be living? Some of the what-ifs hurt for their immateriality, while others make her happy for what she’s got. And with Viktor, the human manifestation of her meager impulse control, gone for the weekend, Powder put on some music, dolled herself up, and got on the move.

She'd be playing this while getting ready haha, dancing in her apartment and feeling angry in a way she can't express right. She really is wild in that chapter. And that aimless state is so important, because Ekko is kinda right when he says she's not offering any alternative, but that's not even what she's trying to do at that point. Plus, this song is just fun, and I feel like Powder would like it lol. I also really enjoy the Thutmose reference, bringing it back to Ekko!

3. Pathetic - Powder’s opinion of Ekko at this point in the story, revealed when he makes his first appearance in chapter 2. …It's been / 1460 days since we were alright / You're having trouble sleeping and I think I know why / 1460 days since we were alright / But now you're just pathetic, I said it

Okay, I just really like this one hahahahaha like?? I can't even describe what exactly it is about it, but after a couple listens, it just stuck in my head. But considering "pathetic" is a word Powder uses in their fight at the end of chapter 2, it gets that other layer of meaning. The irony here is that Powder doesn't know why Ekko has trouble sleeping—and in Ekko's POV, we see how different that night plays out to him. In her head, he's just this posturing villain, and he is like that a little bit, but she has no idea the cognitive dissonance she's about to inflict on this man. Until later, hehehe. It's also fun to imagine Powder dancing to this one with a hairbrush as a mic. I'm sure y'all get the vision.

4. Pieces Of The People We Love - A character song for Powder. She has lost a lot of people and carries their memories with her, across distance (Vi), change (Ekko), and even death (Vander, Tovan, Mylo, Claggor, her parents…). As much as it can pain her, she keeps those people close to her heart. I think this is one of her strengths. She may not know how to express it, but she has a lot of love to give. Like when her empathy is on display at the hospital; though she doesn’t know the people there, they get to her. She takes them with her. Decides to stop looking away. Start her club. In short, the pieces of the people she loves are what drive her to build a better future. And all our time together is tearing me apart / I can't hold you tomorrow but I hold you in my heart

I remember I was actually really nervous about writing Jinx as a main character, just because I tend to relate more to Vi in canon, but working on this fic led me to appreciating things that hadn't stood out to me before. Jinx literally keeps versions of the people she lost near her because of how heavily the trauma weighs on her. I wanted revolution!Powder to have some of that same energy. The song has this kind of anxious energy, and I feel like that connects well with how Powder feels throughout the chapter. She's really knocked off-kilter in chapter 3, and she has to decide how she's going to deal with not only what Ekko said but what she's going to do with these "pieces of people she loves," and that really is what motivates her. She takes off the blinders and decides to empathize with others. I'm like a proud mom lol I love her!

5. Memories - Chapter 5, Ekko and Powder’s reunion at the community center. How Powder remembers Ekko and how he appears to her now juxtapose each other in her mind’s eye. And it’s reciprocated: Ekko is baffled to see her. I imagine they’re both confused about how to rectify the discrepancy in their minds. My memories came back in the form of someone else / …Why won’t you love me now? Why won't you love me now? / …You shouldn’t be on your high horse, we’re not so stable anymore

Yeah, they were both very confused lmao. They both have very preconceived notions of who the other is, and they don't really take well to the disruption to that. I alluded to it in the notes, and he says it outright in chapter 20, but Ekko really thought Powder was following him lol. And Powder accuses him of stalking her, even though she's able to put together that he went to school in that neighborhood way back in the day and would probably have some connections in that part of the city. She's also very much on a project to knock Ekko off his high horse after he retaliates with that threat. But as the creator of this playlist pointed out in a comment on this chapter, Ekko's not the only one being self-righteous! Plus more Thutmose! Yayyyyyy (for those who might not know, he's one of the people who provides Ekko's voice for True Damage!)

6. Hard Times - Chapter 6, but applies to Powder’s whole situation. “Vi huffs. ‘You gotta stop being so hard on yourself, Pow.’ ‘Tell life to be softer on me.’”

Is this the time to admit that I fully fit into that stereotype that black people love Paramore? I have a friend who's black and Brazilian and apparently the stereotype travels lmao. But I actually hadn't heard this particular song before, and I really enjoy it! Another one for Powder to dance and have a crisis to. But the funny thing about the particular quote from chapter 6 that was pulled here is it was actually inspired by another song with kind of similar enegry? "Softer to Me" by Relient K, because I grew up during a time when "Sadie Hawkins Dance" and "Be My Escape" were big hits, and that band was pretty formative for my teen years. I used to listen to them and Paramore on playlists I made in the late 2000s, so the connection was really fun for me!

7. Same Soul - Another song pulled from my Timebomb playlist. This one is kinda meta. They’re in a different universe, literally, since this is an AU, so it’s like they’re meeting again in different bodies. But it also works in-universe, since they’re meeting again after so much has happened and they don’t recognize who they were to each other. Figuratively—but also, Ekko’s eyes are green now. Would your heart know if I met you in a brand-new set of bones? / …I’m just somebody that you used to know

Also just really love this one, particularly the chorus, and especially the one after the bridge. I also thought of it in connection to Powder's feelings about Vi and meeting her after her years in prison. There are places where I make it explicit that Powder's feelings about Ekko and Vi are interlinked in some ways (particularly the poem at the end of chapter 17). This also fits well with Powder's gradual realization of how different Ekko's life is and how he has different people in it, which comes out strongly in chapter 12.

8. Starboy - This song makes me think of Revolution-verse Ekko. He’s under so much pressure and has to present a particular image to be effective in a lonely, high-stakes role he doesn’t like to play. And from Powder’s perspective, he does certain things just to hurt [her]. Look what you’ve done / I’m a motherfuckin’ starboy

Ekko definitely plays mind games. It's one of the traits I pulled out of his Arcane portrayal and turned up to eleven to make an "antihero" version of him. The first verse of this song I feel like connects to that part of him, and the second connects to the part that is tired of the games that are part and parcel of the shimmer business and take up so much of his time to push back against, even if he dismisses them as uncreative (and even if that comes back to haunt him). Everything he does is pretty much calculated to keep that inner universe steady and keep his head on amongst all Silco's allies as he comes into that more... administrative role. And Powder does see him as having particular tools to hurt her because of their history, as well.

The mac and cheese is baked as it should be. It is Powder’s sole consolation in this stupid, awful world. She ought to be able to enjoy the scene in front of her, but she can’t. Every time she interacts with Ekko, she comes away feeling like trash. Their history gives him a unique ability to make her miserable, and she knows, somewhere deep in her bones, that Ekko isn’t going to let this lie. Their little peace is over, and as long as she keeps coming to the community center, she’ll likely have to prepare for battle on a regular basis.

9. Undo - Chapter 8, the argument on the bridge from Powder’s perspective. You've been pouring gasoline in your living room / Light a cigarette while you complain about the fumes / Who are you to talk? / …Oh, come on, just say something / No, go ahead, tell me, what do I need?

Some of these lyrics kind of parallel a song I am trying to advance as a timebomb song, "Percogesic" by Gallant. But I think the lyrics here— You're so shook when I look right past you So surprised you don't get an answer Guess no one told you, now I told you We're not living in the forties Ain't it weird to feel small 'n stuff? —connect very nicely to Powder not answering Ekko's question at the end of chapter 8, even though it doesn't surprise him. He will get an answer, just not directly, and that's the surprise! But the lyrics in general remind me of them, how Powder is unwilling to give him that power over her; even though Ekko's presence does make her upset, he's far from the only problem she has. As she says at the end of chapter 9, "...she will handle Ekko. But first, she has to handle herself."

10. < Coping Mechanism > - Powder lost a lot the night of the explosion, including Ekko—from her perspective, willingly—to Silco. She sees Ekko as an adversary, but it’s because she feels betrayed. Now that he’s back in her life, she’s forced to look at some ill-timed big feelings in chapter 9. I've wasted so much time / Hating myself for trying / ...Had your eyes locked on someone else / No, you couldn't help it / Or could you?

Somehow this playlist beat me to announcing my headcanon that revolution!Powder would be a Willow fan, haha. Their energies match in my head. Plus, bi solidarity! But anyway lol, the song mentions voices in her head, which is very relevant for chapter 9, and there's this sense that the lyrics are questioning whether the situation in the song is predestined or not. I also like these lyrics for them: Fun fact, I really wanna fuckin' make you cry It just isn't right, so enticing just like you Mastermindin' every fight Rivers flowin' from my eyes No emotion from your side Fun fact, I'm the worst, it's true Fun fact, I learned it all from you I need a coping mechanism now, every night

11. An Honest Mistake - Chapter 9. Powder’s Anniversary feelings catch up to her. My old friend / I swear I never meant for this / I never meant— / Don’t look at me that way / It was an honest mistake

Powder really does see the accident as an honest mistake (because it was!!!), and I haven't written it yet, but there's a reason Powder doesn't see Ekko's expression in the scene where he finds her mid-breakdown. She's assuming he's looking at her a certain way, and she doesn't even know. I love drama lmao

12. Our Own House - Chapter 12, the porch scene. Powder’s group becomes official. It’s the culmination of and launching pad for so many things in Powder’s life, and for Powder as a character. We built our own house, own house / With our hands over our hearts / And we swore on that day / That it’ll never fall apart

The porch scene!! It really solidifies Powder's friendships with her club, and it so much of the politics I've been trying to explore is about that "own house" building. There are a lot of things we can't change, but building solidarity with people around us and working to build something that will take better care of us than the current system does is certainly a place to start. This gets a nice theoretical resonance in a book I recently read for class, Olúfẹ́mi Táíwò's Elite Capture: How the Powerful Took Over Identity Politics (And Everything Else). The theory is doing a lot lol, but he advances it in the hopes of putting forward this idea he calls "constructive politics," which is about building new rooms and houses, as he puts it, where we can create more equal ways of relating to each other and the world. A tall order, but I like to dream big. He also talks about how Pedagogy of the Oppressed was used in the liberation struggles of Cape Verde and Guinea-Bissau, and that is just super fucking cool haha.

13. Zanies and Fools - Chapter 12. The porch scene is such a pivotal moment for Powder, it deserves two songs. It may sound corny, but together, anything really is possible. (This song is a real-life reminder of that truth for me and I get emotional nearly every time I listen to it.) This song also recounts how Chance the Rapper met his future wife and I’m not saying that’s Ekko and Powder but I’m not not saying it 👀 I'm so powerful every time I look at you / No  memory of anything I couldn't do / …Everything will go right as it can / It's possible

It's true! If it weren't, there wouldn't be so much effort put into preventing solidarity on the part of the powers that be. If y'all will allow me a theoretical moment, there's this part in the Bible that says the wisdom of God runs contrary to people's wisdom, and I think that's interesting if we think of that in terms of how often we're told that humans are rationally selfish and human nature is greedy and violent and everything else. Acknowledging this is considered common sense, but we also know from practical experience that people are also often kind and generous, and we can choose to lean into that and cultivate it. Believing anything is possible is considered foolish, but how else do we change things, you know? Outside of the connection this could have to the porch scene itself, there's also a link to the way that Ekko sees Powder as constantly pushing what he thinks is possible, which is why she inspires him so much. They're so cute. Help lol

14. Montage - Chapter 13. Powder reminisces about the childhood she shared with Ekko. Tears soaked, we still make each other laugh / Fabricating a montage of our love / All the things we were gonna do fade away / We grew up and apart and we’re not the same

This one is a little funny to me just because it's so different from the song I chose to quote at the start. But it's a nice little flip side, because where I had a more... I almost wanna say cynical approach to that chapter, not necessarily in the content, but because I was the only person who knew where that moment would lead, it was almost like I was poking fun at it, but that's not how it is for Powder and Ekko. And she does make him laugh! That's how she gets through to him. The idea of the montage pairs really nicely with the play and the curtains that frame Powder's reminiscing in the chapter.

15. Let Me Down Easy - A song from Ekko’s perspective of chapter 13. Ekko expects Powder to tell him to fuck off forever when he offers, but it’s not what he wants. Despite how awful they’ve been to each other, despite expecting rejection, his care for her comes through. He holds her in higher esteem than she believes. I also like that the song mentions lemonade, a callback to the porch scene. It’s not a, a bad time, time spent with you / There’s cool lights and songs with good lyrics / We never have to talk again, whatever, up to you

Lol the lemonade needs to come back to tie things together in the plot. But this is a pretty good summary of where they are at this point. Ekko certainly doesn't think they'll be friends again, and he's willing to give Powder peace even if it means closing the door on the possibility that they could become close later. His care comes through, and he really doesn't expect the slightest bit of reciprocation, but Powder surprises him again (and gets ice cream for her troubles, lol).

16. Get Free - Another character song for Powder. I feel like this one could be Powder’s/this fic’s thesis statement: Not trying to get by / I’m trying to get free

I need Mereba to drop a new album because she keeps clowning us on instagram, and I have complained about this with a friend before lol. That said, I really think the title of the project this song (and "Black Truck," which gets quoted in chapter 25) comes from is really apt as well: The Jungle Is the Only Way Out. That phrase really sums up Powder's journey very well, and she really is trying to free herself from the structures that come more and more sharply into view as she applies herself to helping others and working towards change. And while this can be discouraging, she keeps pushing because she wants to be free. Very relatable feeling. Side note, I feel like "Sandstorm," another one of her songs featuring JID is a good timebomb song.

17. RICKY - An Ekko song. Particularly obvious in Chapter 16, at the hospital. “‘Catch more flies with honey than vinegar.’ Ekko scratches at his scalp. ‘But jealousy makes people do crazy things.’” His success doesn’t secure his safety. He has to deal with people he’d rather avoid or, at worst, would see him killed. But he’s successful because he takes wisdom from multiple—even contradicting—places, uses it the best he can, learns quickly, and doesn’t forget who he is. First they mockin', now they hoppin' / All on the wave 'cause they see me poppin' / Big-big-big large pockets, they start flockin' / Here's what I say when they ass keep knockin'

This is so funny to me lol. For reference, I quoted the title song from the ZUU album in chapter 6, and this is the track that follows it. There are a lot of themes (and I have a lot of feelings about Denzel's music, but this is not the time because otherwise we'll be here all day) about family and parenthood in Ekko's side of the story, so I think this is a good fit, even though it never occurred to me! He keeps things that belonged to his parents close and thinks about them often. Advice they've given him features in his inner monologue as well. But it's also true that people are trying to get things from him, and it's all catching up. (Chapter 16 also has a Denzel Curry song quoted in it, "Chrome Hearts" ft. Zacari and the Cold Blooded Soul Band; extra fun fact, I can rap this whole song lmao).

18. Dancing in a Daydream - Chapter 18. Ekko and Powder see each other at the club, on the balcony and dance floor respectively. This is, admittedly, the more angsty of the song options I had for this moment. I chose it because the lyrics describe a moment as temporary as the one they share. We've reached the palace but I'm betting that it won't last / Bright lights and mirror ball / We might be hurting but I'm ready for the free fall

It's fine if this is an angsty choice, because Powder's pretty angsty by the end of the chapter as she develops her plan to set things straight with Ekko, lol. The dream imagery of the chapter pairs nicely here. The song I picked for it is a pretty different vibe, and so is the song I could have picked but didn't think of in time, Kehlani's "Hate the Club," which is also a nice match. Between the three songs, you can choose your fighter lol. I like the name of this band, though. Fits the vibe, and me lol

19. Ego - Chapter 20. Ekko and Powder have a difficult conversation in Ekko’s hotel room. They’ve both been working on their egos, going by their ability to have one at all. (Thank you for recommending me this song forever ago, btw, it’s lovely.) Easy for me to care and you want me there / …I’m working on my ego

Y'ALL. This is my current favorite song. It has been since I first heard it. You gotta get like almost 4 minutes in before that switch comes in, but the strings and the bass... like it's truly magical. If you have headphones, I recommend using them. Done advertising lol. But that part at the end has nice lyrics for them too, as well as the beginning: Is that you, baby? Check when you're makin' no sense In this hotel bed Feels like, "What are we doin'?" Which is pretty on the nose lol, but I like it, and then toward the end: Don't wanna run Every time I get that feelin', I just rather be stuck Putting my favorite song at the most pivotal chapter, I'm emotional haha. The instrumental catharsis it provides matches the way the chapter is designed to build, too.

20. My Friend - By the end of chapter 20, Ekko and Powder clear the air. They reach a new understanding of each other. You’ve seen me from every side / Still down for the ride

These lyrics also capture part of why they work well as a couple; they work on most of their major issues before they even date, haha. On a more serious note, Powder really does get a real picture of what Ekko's dealing with, and to his surprise, she decides to stick by him and extend kindness. Just like in other situations throughout the story, Powder changes things by choosing to be understanding and kind. Perhaps it is cliche, but Powder/Jinx is a character who feels very deeply. I think it works.

21. Same Heart - You know I had to pick a song by Reed Shannon. This one has themes of reconnection while there’s action out in the streets. The moment Ekko and Powder part in chapter 21 feels like the start of something new, so I thought it fit. Baby, maybe we can do it again / Let’s restart, I’m your friend

In case you didn't know, Reed Shannon is Ekko's voice actor in the game AND in Arcane. As far as I know, he's the only voice actor from the game who reprised his role in Arcane. I love the 2000s r&b vibes on this one, very me. The fun thing is that Ekko realizes his feelings for Powder when he wakes up after the whole... hotel thing, and so there are a couple layers of meaning here. And it was just the night before that Scar was doing the stuff, so there was very much action in the streets! Really fun easter egg-type song to include.

22. Dirty - Caitlyn’s reveal in chapter 22 absolutely gets a song on this playlist. Full disclosure, I’m not convinced this is the one. But I like that it asks the question, “Do you love your neighbor?” because it has multiple meanings here: Piltover and Zaun are neighbor cities, and the rent strike is about helping your literal neighbors. And I like that some lyrics sound like they’re written by a schemer, like Caitlyn. I got a skeleton under the floorboard / I got a secret I need you to keep / …Aren't you fed up yet? / Do you have enough love in your heart / To go and get your hands dirty?

Caitlyn still has stuff up her sleeve in the plot! But she is very much a schemer, both in canon and the fic. Caitlyn's arc is very much about learning how the systems of exploitation that keep Piltover and Zaun in their places operate and using her influence to mess with that. Even if she doesn't get everything from the outset, she's determined to learn from Powder, and she's motivated by love, primarily for Vi, but also for the fellow people who are suffering under the name of the City of Progress.

23. Choose Me - Chapter 27, Powder and Vi’s fight. Powder is working hard to build a life she and Vi can be proud of, but they need different things. Vi doesn’t see what Powder does for Zaun and why, so Powder wonders how Vi can see her for who she is. How can Vi want her? I know there are places that I can't go with you / …I'd rather you choose me every day

OH BOY, there's a reason chapter 27's title has "tragedy" in it. Powder does want to be chosen by Vi, all of her, and not just the parts Vi understands. Vi's own trauma really does prevent her from seeing things from Powder's perspective. There are places she can't go because of how much pain they cause her, and while Powder's working on reaching out more, she wants the same from Vi. At the same time, Vi feels like Powder is choosing Zaun over her in a sense, so it works on both levels.

24. Call You Mine - Chapter 30. “Yeah, she decides later, lying in bed and looking up at the ceiling. She’s going to tell him.” Baby, can I call you mine, mine? / ‘Cause you're always in my mind, mind

This one is so hopeful! It's a big shift after the content of chapter 30, but Powder really is at that point where Ekko represents a bright spot in her life. They've been working to know each other better, and Powder's friends are cheering her on to go after something that would make her happy. It speaks to how sweet these two turned out to be in the fic, which was probably a surprise to everyone (including me lol, since it grew out of things I came up with as I was writing).

25. Hummingbird - Ekko and Powder steal moments when they can, resulting in long text convos and late-night phone calls. Pen pal on the night shift / She’s who I get away with / …And hummingbird, I know that’s our time / But stay on / Stay on, stay on with me / And hummingbird, I can never unsee / What you've shown me

The OG interlude! Even if it makes them both tired, they prioritize each other in those long convos and calls. You could almost imagine this playing in the background while the two of them are shown split-screen talking on the phone, lying in their beds.

26. Like 90s R&B - Ekko spends the night at Powder’s place and already she can’t wait to see him again. Feel like I was only seeking you, already got me feening for more / I spend all my time daydreaming, got me living for the weekend, oh no

I am an r&b girlie, what can I say. This one was a lot of fun! Powder really is in too deep, like the lyrics say. But so is Ekko, haha. I think the song will only fit more as they keep getting closer, getting frustrated with the things that make it so they can't be as open with their relationship as they'd want.

27. Offense - End of chapter 33. Powder announces herself to the wealthy of Piltover with her excellent award acceptance speech. Figured I should say some', but you don't wanna hear me vent / You can talk bad all day long, I will never be impressed / Dunno what I did to make you feel that you be earnin' my respect / …I said it with my chest and I don’t care who I offend, uh huh

Simz always has so much confidence in her music, haha. This song goes really nicely with the title of chapter 33, "polemics in free verse," which implies that Powder is attacking someone else's ideas through poetry. It really fits perfectly; Powder refuses to be taken in by the glitz and glamor, choosing instead to point out the people who make it all possible. All Power to the People indeed.

gif was sourced from here