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metvmorqhoses · 3 years

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Thank you for your take on the Darkling! I absolutely loved reading it. (I might read it a second time tbh). He truly is complicated and it kinda bothers me that people oversimplify him, especially the book version. Could things have been better? A 1000% Yes! But I don't see how people can read TDiW and not see his perspective on life or at least feel sorry for him. Btw are you going to read the graphic novel on TDiW when it comes out? Do you think LB is using him to simply make more money? It's hard to tell if she actually cares about him as a character.

You cannot imagine how glad I am to see so many people sharing my thoughts and frustrations regarding such a deserving and yet so poorly treated character. Every time it feels genuinely like a small victory.

One thing can surely be said, this fandom gave the Darkling the consideration and depth the original novels denied him. What he deserved as a character, he certainly found here thanks to some very stubborn few.

As for your question, I am actually still debating if buying Demon in the Wood, even while of course knowing more or less its general content.

If I have to be completely honest with you, I am quite fed up with how Bardugo uses and abuses the Darkling, a character she probably conjured by chance while taking here and there from ancient folklore and other better works, a character far larger than her own imaginings, a character that quite obviously escaped her own narrative and just stubbornly refuses to fit in every single little box she tries and fails to relegate him in, and to the point of discovering myself discouraged at the idea of reading something I'm deeply interested in because of the tragic logics of its own creator.

I absolutely find this occurrence deeply bizarre myself. It had never happened to me before, to like something so much while completely disagreeing in every single way with the person who is supposed to be in charge of it. I've always been fiercely loyal to every artist's absolute right of kingship over their own creations, but I find this particular case just hardly excusable.

As a reader, I cannot really help but feeling toyed with and cheated when it comes to this series.

The general writing is plain and mediocre aside for a few lines here and there. The plot doesn't make any thematic sense. The story doesn't follow its own logic but the absolute strange one of an author lurking behind every corner, an author that doesn’t allow her readers to actually have their own opinions about anything. The majority of the characters are "heavily inspired" by some other greater source. The rhyme and reason of the one poetically and mythologically interesting personality in there completely escapes its creator, whose only piece of understanding seems to revolve around the fact that, for some reason, this very character is the one thing that makes her books sell.

Therefore everything she writes constantly hints at and promises a big meaningful part for him in the narrative, while in truth he is just strategically always put one time in the beginning, one time in the middle and one time at the end of every single book just to serve as a page-turner and to make at the same time plain and over-sentionalistic turning points work, without ever gaining any real role, development or actual depth, while the other characters seem always frozen in their own opinion no matter the evidence they are presented with, eternally unable to change their (the author’s) static idiotic narrative about him.

That LB puts the Darkling in her books to make them sell it's by now evident common knowledge. That she uses our collective interest in him for her own gain, all the while judging us harshly for it, it’s something that truly drives me up a wall. And quite frankly I am rather uninterested in following the appalling and nonsensical literary whirling she constructs with this poor character as the main bait in order to quite literally exploit our ability to recognize artistic worth.

I actually noticed she always tries to deal with him as little as possible in every novel, probably afraid to find herself in the need to really start to characterize him.

It's really quite sad.

The Darkling is literally killed and brought back to life to sell copies. The Darkling is what makes Netflix shows happen. And now prequels about him are coming out in different forms just for a capitalistic kind of sake.

I'm not a big fan of any of this. If the writing was at least good, getting idealistically mad would make some sort of sense, but alas this is not even that much the case.

I hope I didn't sound too harsh, but I really was in absolute disbelief while reading those novels.

I’d much prefer reading again some true masterpieces written by beyond talented authors on ao3 (stories that actually feel way more real and deserving than the actual original books) and leaving LB to her own, very sad, literary choices.

#no i dont like the idea of feeding lb more money tbh #the darkling #darklina #shadow and bone #the grisha trilogy #demon in the wood #anon #asks/replies #one and one thousand stories lis told

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don-quixotine · 3 years

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Hello!

A mutual of mine reblogged your analysis of Chat's use of Cataclysm and I had a question/thought regarding that (very interesting read, btw!).

You mentioned there being pros and cons of emotion versus logic-driven wielders and I wondered if maybe Marinette's pressure to be happy/positive all the time (because she's Ladybug and Ladybug can't get akumatized) is part of what drives her to be more logic focused than emotions focused, a person's natural thought-processes aside, thus partially explaining how she sees and thinks about things and why she was so frustrated at Chat for not using the Lucky Charm "correctly"?

When you start evaluating Chat and LB's characters from the emotion vs logic angle, you can kind of see the differences between the two from a different angle and how someone who is more logic-driven could get frustrated and confused by how emotionally-drive people work. I think.

Idk, sorry if this doesn't make much sense. It's late where I am and I didn't want to forget to ask you this before I went to sleep XD

Have a fabulous day!

Hey @sunshinedragon20 ! Thank you so much for your ask! And sorry it's gotten me literally like a month to reply haha. Life has been A Handful™ lately, but anyway about your question.

It makes total sense, don't worry! Though, I'm not exactly sure if the pressure to be possitive would be the reason she's logic-driven. But alas, let me get on my clown bullshit for a sec and allow me to elaborate:

We've never gotten a scene where Marinette prevents herself from feeling in order not to get akumatized. We don't know what she thinks about it, nor what her strategy is to prevent becoming vulnerable to akumas. We constantly see Marinette feeling all of her emotions, even when those emotions are negative. When she got cornered by the akuma in Chameleon and Tikki reminded her that akumas only attack people who think there are no solutions to their problems, Marinette was very much able to fight it off because at her core, she is someone who always has a solution.

There's also the fact that Marinette finds comfort in logic. She tends to get carried away by her feelings-- though not to a tipping point of despair-- and one strategy she uses to stay in control is to rationalize. We see her doing this constantly while trying to manage her crush on Adrien, for example. She comes up with elaborate plans to tell him she loves him because in her mind, that ensures that she will be successful because her plans are logical, and that way she won't get hurt. The thing with Marinette though, is that she struggles following her gut feeling. Even when her strategy is correct, even when the plan checks out, she has trouble trusting that she's right (or at least, at the very beginning and occassionally when someone comes to question her performance as Ladybug). And that's where Chat comes in.

Adrien is a very intuitive, empathetic person. In contrast with Marinette, he's able to keep his cool even when people are trying to push his buttons because he's able to see situations from several different points of view. Whereas Mari thinks her way out of a problem, Adrien emotes out of it. And that's something Marinette as Ladybug cannot easily relate to with Adrien as Chat because they're two partially opposite ways of reacting to your environment.

Marinette is used to make the most out of a situation by using logic per the Lucky Charms. She has never even considered she's able to ask for whatever Lucky Charm she wants because 1) It's not like she actually knew what she was doing the first time she was Ladybug. She got a random Lucky Charm and just assumed that's how it worked. And 2) Even if she can ask for a Lucky Charm, Marinette second-guesses herself so much that she probably would have a hard time choosing a Lucky Charm to begin with, so it's probably in everyone's best interest that she gets random ones because her strength lies in her improvisation skills anyway.

Chat on the other hand has no problem following his gut feeling to take a decission in battle. Once he sees a solution, he sees a solution. He follows through with it and only becomes aware of other possible outcomes once he's in hot water. But that also has to do with the way he's used to wielding his Miraculous.

From all the different ways Chat has summoned his Cataclysm we can assume that wielding the Cat's ring requires a lot of restraint and resolution because the Cataclysm can actually come up in a lot of different ways, so you have to be clear in your intent of how you're going to use it. As we saw in Chat Blanc when he was about to attack Hawkmoth, if the wielder is not focused, it can get out of control. So, whereas Marinette has the luxury of considering all possible outcomes, Adrien has to commit to one.

These two fundamentally strategies are also seen in the current Ladynoir Conflict, btw. The reason there's a problem at all is because a) Ladybug thinks her logic checks out and hears no complaints from Chat b) Chat assumes he's seeing things from Ladybug's perspective (e.g. "Now that you're the Guardian you have so many more things to do," "She probably won't need Chat at one point anymore," etc.) and that, added to his plethora of trauma and personal problems, prevents him from speaking his truth because he doesn't want to upset her as he assumes he will.

So yeah, in short, when you start looking at the characters from this logic vs. emotion-driven strategies, you see how Ladybug could get frustrated at the way Chat comes up with a plan and how Chat canonically thinks Ladybug's plans sometimes are borderline ridiculous (Pharao, Sapotis, Reflektdoll, Origins, and many, many more lol). It also gives you a nice little new way to look at the Ladynoir Conflict. You can see why Chat's silence could eventually irritate Ladybug and why Ladybug's assumption that everything is okay could end up wounding Chat.

So yeah, sorry for the rant haha and thank you very much for your ask! I'm glad you enjoyed that meta. I could talk about Chat's Cataclysm all. freakin. day.

#ml meta #it's 99.999999999% clownery so don't trust it too much #it's me back on my bullshit y'all #just for tonight tho haha #miraculous ladybug #chat noir #ladybug #cataclysm #lucky charm #ladynoir #ml analysis #ml theory

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jjmjjktth · 3 years

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Prologue: The Escape

First - Previous - Next - Masterlist - (ao3)

I saw this fic idea by @messymessyml and couldn’t help myself. I tagged the people who asked to be tagged on the original post; if you want to be added comment or send an ask ;)

Damian is 16 and Marinette is a month shy of 16 at the beginning of the fic.

the characters may be a tad OOC.

TW: Bullying, cursing (it’s censored but still there)

Damian stormed into the cave through the zeta tube. Everyone moved aside; they had not seen a look of such fury since he had first come to Gotham. Despite him not being the violent assassin he was raised to be, Robin found himself nearly following through with his usual threats. Not even bothering to discard his equipment, the heir walked straight to one of the side rooms for private discussions. As predicted, his father followed him. No doubt for a lecture.

Spinning around to face his father, Damian took a deep breath. I can’t lose my head, it won't help my case.

“Father….” there was so much defeat and anger in his voice that the bat seemed to almost reconsider his decision, almost. Robin watched his Father lift his hand to stop him from speaking any further, and begin to address him.

“It was the right call, Damian. It had to be done. You cannot just run around with superpowers. I had to deal with that.”

“It wasn’t your call.” The teen growled. “I had an advantage, Father! It would have been hard for Mother to kill me again! I was safe.”

“You do not need powers to be safe, Damian.”

“I died because I was too slow. It wasn’t your call to remove my safety net! It was mine!”

“I am your father! Everything is my call!” Daman could see that this was going nowhere. Setting his face into a scowl, he left the cave.

Left with his thoughts as he navigated through the maze-like halls of Wayne Manor, the young hero began to negotiate with himself; beginning a difficult game of mental tug-of-war. Weighing the pros and cons proved to be harder than he originally thought; it started with admitting that he may have become attached to his “siblings”, at least more than he would have originally thought he could be. On the other hand, they treated him one of two ways, all of the time; he was always either a child or a weapon. At the very least they should be able to treat him like his actual age! But, they also cared for him a lot… in their own way. On top of that, the manor was a hugely more beneficial environment than the league ever was. His mother would also have a harder time reaching him here. That didn't stop her before. Despite how “safe” this place was said to be, his mother still found a way to kill him for his change in loyalty. If he left, he would surely be caught. If you stay, she will know you’re here and plan accordingly.

Slowly the pros started to outweigh the cons making his decision obvious, he would run away tonight.

It wasn’t until he arrived in his room that he realized he was still wearing his uniform. Not wanting to return to the cave, the heir simply folded the uniform and placed it at the end of his bed. No doubt Pennyworth would retrieve it in the morning. He glanced around his room. There weren't any decorations aside from the occasional painting or katana. Making up his mind, Damian went through his few belongings that mattered. He had to be careful to find ones that would not have a tracking device in them. I’ll have to go to my safehouse for clothes. He gathered up all his weapons that wouldn't be noticed gone and wouldn't be flagged by airport security. Putting everything in a bag, he snuck out his window and took off for his apartment. Leaving only a note that read, I need space, I will be at one of my safehouses, off grid.

___________Marinette pov______________

“You b*tch!” a loud slap echoed across the school courtyard. “Not only are you a liar and a bully, you’re a thief too!” Alya screamed, waving her hands around. “That’s Lila’s life’s work and you just claim it as your own! Lazy, fat, sl*t!”

“But, Alya! I have my sig–”

“I didn’t say you could speak, wh*r*.” Alya said, grabbing the designer’s shirt. “You are going to stand up; walk over to Lila; apologise; and give her her sketchbook back. Understand b*tch.”

“No.” Mari took a deep breath and shoved her building emotions back down into their designated corner. “I will not apologise to Lila because I did–”

“What did you say b*tch!”

“I said no.”

“You piece of sh*t.”

At this point Marinette just tuned her ex-best friend out. She always said the same things. So the heroine only waited.

After school Marinette left for home immediately; she did not want to be in any trouble for being late for her shift. With twenty minutes to spare, the girl leapt up the stairs three-at-a-time to reach her room with enough time for concealer. She would probably be grounded for operating the register with marks on her face. It’s a good thing that my miraculous has healing properties or I wouldn't be able to work at all.

While at the till, a swarm of wasps swept through the shop stinging everyone, except Marinette. As soon as she saw the wasps, she took off for the walk-in freezer in the back of the bakery. Tikki fazed through the door to see when it would be clear to leave the freezer.

“All clear Marinette!” Tikki chirped.

“Thanks.” The hero swung open the door and took off running for the Seine.

Upon arriving at he famous river, Marinette dove into the water scattering the trail of wasps behind her. Pulling out the water powerup, Mari was amazed to discover that even underwater the macaroon did not get soggy, but remained its usual texture and firmness. Calling for her transformation again, Ladybug sprinted to Master Fu’s location unaware of the villain tailing her.

“Master Fu! May I use the snake miraculous?” With a nod, Master Fu pulled out the miracle box and selected the snake miraculous.

“Thank you!” LB called out as she left merging the two miraculous. Lately, Marinette had taken to using the ladybug and snake miraculous together having taken the cat miraculous away from Adrien.

Arriving in front of the town hall, Ladybug surveyed the battlefield. In front of the akuma, Miracle Queen, stood all her previous allies: Adrien, Luka, Ivan, Nino, Max, Alya, and Kagami. They all appear to have been stung by the wasps. At that moment, Hawkmoth arrived bearing the miracle box! Hawkmoth passed the box to Miracle Queen and the students stepped forward to take their respective jewels. All but two, Luka and Adrien. Ladybug had both of those miraculous on her person (the black cat miraculous was in her yoyo) She was about to enter the battle when Master Fu leapt over the building in pursuit of the villain weilding the turtle as Jade Turtle. At that moment Ladybug engaged the various villains calling for her second chance.

As she landed, Pegasus opened a portal to space. Reactivating second chance she tried again, and again, and again, and again. Until she managed to take the dragon and horse miraculous back.

There was a rush of wind and all the holders before her, except Hawkmoth and Myura, were stripped of their miraculous as a light formed above her head. Oh no, Master Fu! The miracle box fell into her hands. Using the destraction Ladybug broke and purified the akuma.

She ran to Master Fu as quickly as she could.

“Master Fu! Are you okay?” She waited with baited breath.

“Hello, young lady, do I know you?” There went any hope I had.

“No, I’m just a concerned citizen.”

I dropped off the miracle box in my room before releasing Tikki from my transformation and entering the bakery through the front. Her parents were there, waiting for her.

“We’ll talk about this later.” Sabine said smiling at Marinette with daggers for eyes.

“Yes, Maman.” Nope. Nope. Nope. Not today. Not ever.

As soon as Marinette reached her room, she pulled out the miracle box, a backpack of clothes and sewing supplies, and her toiletries (she could pull money out of her account later if needed). Opening the box, Marinette took out the horse miraculous releasing Kaalki.

“Master F– where is Master Fu, Marinette.”

“Gone, he relinquished his guardianship when hawkmoth cornered him.” She put on the glasses. “I need an escape; is that ok Kaalki?”

“Of course guardian.”

The girl called for Kaalki’s transformation, summoned a portal, gathered her belongings, and walked through.

Authors notes will be at the end from now on (minus warnings and such)

what should i call this story?

Smiles and love, Jjmjjktth <3 :)

Next - Masterlist

Taglist: @swiftie-miraculer13 @messymessyml

#maribat #marinette #salt #damian wayne #the bats #daminette #paris has a hawkmoth problem #toodles #wip #young hearts are easily broken

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mortifyingideal · 3 years

Text

i was tagged in this by the wonderful @fremulon (thanks cherry!) and accidentally deleted the whole thing twice so now i'm mostly just posting it out of spite and without a read more due to said spite. SUCK IT TUMBLR.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

I have 10 published out loud and 1 published anonymously

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

226419

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

okay so this is really only my most recent life. i have been around a lot. a lot. i was there, gandalf, during the superwholock years (and an active participant) so over the course of my life it's like

Harry Potter, Teen Titans, Sherlock, Doctor Who, Supernatural, Inception, Daredevil, The Avengers, The Musketeers, Wells & Wong Mysteries, Twin Peaks, Homestuck, Red vs Blue

but in this lifetime i'm just writing for Good Omens (and have written for DuckTales and Cruella)

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

1 — Loosely Ballroom (surprising absolutely nobody)

2 — Look Not Too Deep

3 — ergo propter hoc (okay this one is kind of a surprise actually but i'm very happy about it i love this fic)

4 — café au vin

5 — an institute you can't disparage

5. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

i do! i try to respond to every comment i get on the day of/the day after i get it. i've met a lot of good friends this way, and i also just like taking the time to respond to people who've taken the time to respond to something i made. makes me feel good (plus i want everyone to like me)

the only downside is it can get a bit overwhelming at times? particularly with LB, which gets a shitload of comments per chapter and can take me up to two full days to read through them all and answer, and if i'm having a bad brain time i just cannot face doing it. so if you've ever left a comment and i've not responded, i promise It's not because i don't appreciate it. my brain machine just was going brmmmmmmmmm.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

i was going to say NONE BECAUSE I DON'T WRITE ANGST but i guess if i had to decide it would be the RVB fic that's on my ao3 right now, which has an angstily hopeful ending.

7. Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

hahahaha

CRAZY LIKE A FOX

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

not as far as i'm aware! i have had several uhhhhhhh overly familiar meant-to-be-jovial comments on/about the above crossover from people i don't really know very well that have told me i'm a terrible person or i've committed crimes while i'm out here like, cool this is art i made and put in the world for fun and believe in and i don't really... know you? but those comments were meant in good faith imo so i don't really think it counts as hate

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

the last time i tried to write smut, crowley got stabbed, so the kind that sends people to the hospital i guess?

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge. good luck formatting all the images and italics, anyone who might try.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

again, not to my knowledge!

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

infamously. it's the only reason anyone might have read this far. also attempting to collaborate on an as-of-yet-unfinished-project with @indieninja92 who is a creative genius with their finger in many, many pies. speaking of, have you visited hauntedswords.com recently?

13. What’s your all time favorite ship?

errrrrr i mean probably aziraphale/crowley, not to seem obvious. they've been with me since i was like 10 years old, they haven't gone anywhere, they will probably be bothering me until the day i die.

14. What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I WILL FINISH ALL OF MY WIPs. okay no that's not true, i have the start of an inception fic that is a GO AU that i honestly think would have been fucking slammin' but the time for that has passed now.

15. What are your writing strengths?

a very definite sense of character voice, attention to detail in terms of enriching the world i'm writing in, dialogue dialogue dialogue, smash cuts (are they even called smash cuts in writing? WHATEVER THEY ARE I CAN DO THEM)

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

you are my collaborator. you send me back part of a chapter and tell me i have a sentence that is a bit too lengthy and doesn't work, and i need to edit it. i send it back to you. the sentence is now an entire paragraph and a half, with three jokes, a metaphor and a new line of dialogue embedded in it, changing the overall tone of the chapter. this is known as The Mort Special.

i also get very in my own head about not really being a good writer, or not being as good as the people (or person specifically i suppose) that i'm working with. i'm working on this! i'm not working on The Mort Special, though, that's always writing gold.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

this is a really weird and specific question, who hurt you OP? errrr i guess much like any quirk of writing, it's fine when used sparingly and with a deft hand.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

fuck me, probably Harry Potter? neopets roleplaying boards were a gateway drug.

19. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

this is the part where i pretend i'm going to say something other than Loosely Ballroom. i don't think i'll ever make something else in my life that's made me feel the way making that has. it's been—to delve into reality TV speak (and paraphrase crowley from a future chapter)—a real emotional rollercoaster.

plus it's just fuckin' funny isn't it.

tagging @phoenix-soar, @thyra279, @heycaricari, @stillseekwill and @katnoggin (and anyone else who might want to!)

#I do talk a lot of wank don't i #ask memes #my fic

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therealjordan23 · 3 years

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Hi Jordan. What r ur thoughts on Laurel Hubbard and her competing in the Olympics?

Grab a cup of coffee guys, this is a long one.

Before we get into anything,I am obviously in support of trans people, and their rights. So, hecklers, don't be putting words in my mouth, because I know Tumblr is one of those places where the LGBT community is extremely prominent. Almost to the point where it's too much, I once saw one user shame someone for being heterosexual, but that isn't the point. The point is, be fair.

I'm gonna be completely honest. I personally think it's a disadvantage to the female athletes, who were born a woman, to have to compete against a woman who was born a man. Although Laurel Hubbard came out as trans 8 years ago, and has met all the requirements to compete, from a biological perspective, she obviously has a lot more advantages.

The IOC policy specifies conditions under which those who transition from male to female are eligible to compete in the female category. Among them is that the athlete has declared that her gender identity is female and that the declaration cannot be changed, for sporting purposes, for a minimum of four years.

And you're sitting there, going like, wow, so they're making it fair and inclusive. But here's why this isn't a great rule: the IOC requires only that a trans woman has maintained a particular level of testosterone for 12 months in order to compete as a ‘self-identifying’ woman. This completely ignores the physical advantages in speed, height, stamina and strength that a male-born athlete will have. The determining criteria—a maximum reading of 10 nanomoles per litre of testosterone—is as least five times more than a biological woman.

Hubbard, when she was Gavin Hubbard, wasn't anything to sneeze at. Before transitioning, Hubbard competed under the name Gavin and was New Zealand’s junior men’s champion and a national record holder. Gavin Hubbard hit a 300-kilogram total in the over-105 kilogram men’s category, which at the 2019 Junior World Championships “would have been good enough for last place by 31 kg.” Gavin Hubbard was a “talented, but not a world-calibre athlete.” By age 34, Hubbard had plateaued. Yet after transitioning in 2012, Hubbard saw years of success in the women’s division.

But before we get into that, let's talk about somebody named Feagaiga Stowers.

This young woman is only a year younger than me. She endured tremendous difficulties in her childhood, where she eventually entered the Samoa Victims Support Group, to end up where she is today. Stowers' meteoric rise has proven there is hope for everyone. And she’s done everything possible to be on top of her game, where she deserves to be.

This was until she stepped up on the weightlifting platform in 2019, where her hopes of clinching a Pacific Games gold were crushed by a fellow competitor, Laurel Hubbard.

"The striking contrast between a disadvantaged female of colour being overpowered by a silver-spoon legatee of white settler privilege who previously competed in men’s weightlifting was not a good look on Hubbard."

None of this is fair to the female born athletes, who have been training and training for this moment. Only to get usurped by somebody who very obviously has advantages over them. Many of the female athletes have shown distress about this. They say it feels like a bad/sick joke:

"Women were not consulted and did not consent to this policy which will make a complete mockery of their sport."

"If Hubbard wins, observers will see that an aging natal-male athlete who could never hope to be on an Olympic men’s podium can win a medal in the women’s division."

“Essentially, the policy of the IOC is that a transgender woman may have five times the average total testosterone of a biological woman.”

“Life-changing opportunities are missed for some athletes – medals and Olympic qualifications – and we are powerless. Of course, this debate is taking place in a broader context of discrimination against transgender people and that is why the question is never free of ideology.”

People are afraid to express their concern over this, because many supporters are using the word "discrimination" against them. Meaning if you disagree, you're suddenly against transgender people. So, not only are they going through all of this, but when they express their feelings over this, they're labeled discriminatory. Which, you know, is never good.

Now, I'm going to let my friend, Mary, take the reins:

"Hi, guys, my name is Margaret, but you can call me Mary for short. I have known Jordan since the third grade, and was actually born a male. I am 6'3 tall, I weigh about 180 lbs. I transitioned about 6 years ago, yet, there are always going to be factors that make me better than an average woman from a physical and biological standpoint. When I see people like Laurel Hubbard competing, completely unbothered, it genuinely infuriates me. I don't think it's fair to the women who have been training their whole lives for this,

When Hubbard was asked about this, this was her response:

"It's not really my job to change what they think, what they feel and what they believe. I just hope they look at the bigger picture, rather than just trusting whatever their gut may have told them. I'm just me."

But this isn't us being close minded. We are openly getting more and more supportive in favour of trans people. People are so much warmer to me now than they were back in, say, 2016.

However, even I, as a trans woman, see the unjust nature in this. There are just some cases where it can never be made fair, and this is one of them. The Olympics are a prime example of this. It can never be made fair, because we both know Hubbard will come out on top. Because like it or not, she has the body of a 30 something year old man, with 5 times more testosterone inside of her.

It's Jordan now, and I agree with everything Mary said above.

I love the Olympics.

But, I am not in support of Laurel Hubbard competing.

#laurel hubbard #tokyo olympics #trans rights #transgender #transwoman

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cinnella · 4 years

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Name: Syro Beeks (chosen name); Nehal Desai (birth name)

Age: 24 years old

Sex: Male

Sexuality: Bisexual

Zodiac sign: Leo

Birthday: August 4th

Patron Arcana: Strength (Major); King of Wands (Minor)

Occupation: Combat specialist/magician

Height: 6'5" (1.95 m)

Weight: 227 lbs (102 kg)

Relatives:

Neith Desai - older sister

Aditi Desai - mother (deceased)

Dipankar Desai - father (deceased)

Banhi Desai - grandma (deceased)

Origin: Born on the biggest Pearl Isle of Prakra, grew up in Vesuvia

Race: Indian

Powers: Red (combat) magic and pyrokinesis

Intelligence Level: On a scale from 1 to 10, he's a solid 6.7

Backstory:

He'd been born on a very rainy day, his mother unexpectedly delivering him 1 month prematurely. His parents hadn't decided a name for him yet, so they let Neith do that instead. And looking outside the window at the pouring rain, she named him Nehal, which means exactly that.

About a year later, his parents who were mountain climbers, decided to go on a trip to the Clouded Mountains. They left their kids with their grandma, Banhi, as she wished them good luck in the mountains.

A week had passed when Banhi received news from someone who'd been on the ship with their parents. Unfortunately, while they were climbing the mountains, a storm came and threw them off balance together with a multitude of other people. Only a few of them survived.

With no one else to take care of them, Banhi made it her goal to raise her grandchildren as her own.

One day, while she went out to the market with them, to buy groceries, little Nehal was sleeping soundly in a basket, until Banhi put it down and woke him up. Both her and Neith had their attention on the vendor, so he crawled out of it and away. By the time they noticed, he was out of sight.

They searched and searched and called out to him, but to no avail. He was in someone else's arms, heading towards a new home.

Not much later, he was brought to an orphanage far away from home, in Vesuvia. There, he grew up alongside many other children and the caretakers, though he didn't really have friends. Most of the kids were mean and oftentimes bullied him for his shortness. But then a new kid came in, and stepped up to defend him from them. At first, he thought of it to be foolish.

She was even shorter than him. Small frail body, porcelain skin and black hair, and what stood out the most was her differently colored eyes. There must've been something scary about her, because the kids stopped their bullying.

That day, they became each other's first friend, and he learned that her name was Saiya, but warned him not to call her that. She hated her name. Soon, they advanced to best friends. Everything they did, they did together. Mostly mischief.

The caretakers soon realized that most of the kids had no names, and even when they named them, there was a lot of confusion and many unhappy children. So they decided to teach them to read and write when they were old enough, and on their 7th birthday, they'd let them choose a name themselves.

When he was only 5, a third kid entered their little circle. She'd declared that her name was Eris. She had sun-kissed skin, silver white hair and ice blue eyes, and as young as Nehal was, he couldn't help but get a little crush on her. The three of them became very close, almost inseparable.

Once Saiya's birthday rolled around, she changed her name to Morana, and soon enough, his own birthday came too.

And so, Nehal Desai became Syro Beeks.

Around that week, two new kids joined their troublemaking group. Both were a little under two years younger than him, one with ash blond hair and silver eyes, the other with dark skin and jade green eyes.

Syro couldn't have asked for a better family. Years and years passed by in a blur, every day a new day to do more mischief. And as he approached his teen years and 6'3 in height, heartbreaking news came with them.

The adults made it clear that when they'd turn 17, they'd need to search for a home of their own. Him and the others talked about it, each of them wanted to try and find their homeland, their relatives.

And Eris was the first to leave. They were all saddened to see her go, but they knew she had to find her family.

A year later, Morana was next, but he was not about to let her go on her own. They always did everything together, after all. As heartbreaking as it was to leave the other two, Calyx and Libelle, they had to leave.

Their first stop was the Southern Spines, but much to their disappointment, they discovered nothing of her family. Then, they traveled across the land once more and took a ship towards the biggest Pearl Isle of Prakra, where one of the adults had found him.

Although he didn't know the place in the slightest, it was like his heart was calling to him, leading him. A couple of hours later, Syro came face to face with a woman.

Pink hair, indigo eyes and the same skin complexion he had. The same strong nose, plump lips and powerful jaw. Undeniably, they must have been related. But what clicked to him was her height. It's not everyday you meet someone who is almost as tall as you are.

She burst into tears and whispered his name... Probably his birth name, as she hugged him. As awkward as it was for him, the hug felt right.

The woman asked for them to follow her to her home and explain everything. There, Syro found out her name was Neith and that she was his older sister. He didn't quite believe it, until she pulled out a painted picture Banhi had done of them so many years ago, a 9 years old Neith holding her baby brother, who had jet black hair and magenta eyes just like him.

Many more hours passed, and both Morana and Syro decided to spend a few days with Neith. When they left, he promised to visit her when he had the time.

Once again in Vesuvia, he focused on learning to fight. It was something he'd wanted to do ever since he was little, but never found the time for that. Later on, he learnt to incorporate magic into it, becoming a skilled fighter and magician all the same.

When the Red Plague washed over them, he fleed together with Morana, Calyx and Libelle, but the latter two took to their own path, splitting in pairs. Eris refused to leave, for whatever reason.

They were heartbroken to learn that she'd died, and until then, they hadn't realized she was their anchor, their bridge. He remained with Morana, and the other two stayed with each other.

3 years later, he came back to Vesuvia after Libelle contacted him about Eris possibly living. He of course, didn't believe it in the slightest until he saw her alive and well, walking the streets of Vesuvia. But she didn't recognize him.

He met Asra that day too, who explained to him what happened and warned him about the consequences of trying to bring back her memories.

When she was assigned on late Count Lucio's case to catch his murderer, he volunteered to help her with the on-ground investigation, as it could be very dangerous.

That's how he met Julian.

And soon fell in love with him.

Personality: stubborn, flirty, adventurous, reckless, respectful, polite, self-less, aggressive, competitive, destructive, playful, sarcastic, loyal, sincere, open-minded, pessimistic, a little childish and a tease

Interesting facts:

Although he's very fond of any sun-themed objects, he hates heat. He prefers cold weather.

The scars on his arm are from a bear attack that happened while in the Southern Spines, and he also has one in his left palm.

Unlike the others who are mainly right-handed, he's left-handed. It's why he crosses his arms that way.

Never flinches at bitter or sour tastes, nor at strong alcoholic beverages, he actually likes them.

In total, he has 15 piercings. 5 in each ear, 1 on the right side of his nose, 1 in his right eyebrow, 2 in his lower lip and one in his tongue.

His first kiss was Eris. (And vice versa)

He got the sun-moon tattoo on his cheekbone when he was 15.

He has a second tattoo on his chest, of two entwined snakes.

Loves jewelry with a passion, he cannot go a day without at least wearing a ring.

Appearance: Umber skin tone, shoulder-length wavy jet black-blue hair, magenta eyes, inverted triangle body shape with a strong build

Familiar: Cynthia, a kind and sweet rainbow boa

Voice claim: Chace Crawford

Full sprite:

HERE HE IS, EVERYONE'S FAVORITE BUFFY SWEETHEART!!!

I didn't realize just how much more complicated his design would be compared to Eris' until I got down to actually design it.

But boy am I proud!! (ಥ﹏ಥ)

SHOW MY BOY SOME LOVE, PLEASE!!

Edit: I forgot to add his scars.. T-T

#the arcana #the arcana mc #the arcana apprentice #syro beeks

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starvationfreediet · 3 years

Text

How To Lose up to 50 LBS Before SUMMER Without Starving Yourself? (2021 Update)

I’m gonna be honest with you: weight loss takes a lot of effort. No matter what technique you do, there will be some resistance, and that’s totally natural.

There’s no magic program or way to lose weight. If weight loss were so easy, everyone on Earth would be a supermodel.

Now, the idea of losing weight sounds really appealing, I know. When you lose weight, you feel fulfilled and confident because you have ticked off one of your goals off your list.

When you lose weight, you literally have the mindset to achieve anything.

But it doesn’t mean that there are no easy ways to lose weight.

What the average person does when wanting to lose weight

When you think of weight loss, what comes to your mind?

Calories

Hunger

Stress?

Well, that’s common. When I tried losing weight, that is also what I thought about, until I learned something that changed my life.

“Create a diet suited for your lifestyle, not a lifestyle suited for your diet”.

When wanting to lose weight, this is what people usually do:

embark on crash diets

starve themselves

give up their favorite foods

completely change their lifestyle

And although the average person might see some results in doing that, they will not keep the fat OFF, and here is why:

After having melted a few pounds, the average person will go back to their original lifestyle and end up back to eating the foods they gave up during their diet.

This means that they will gain back the weight that they lost!

But imagine if you could lose fat permanently?

Imagine if you could see progress every single week.

Imagine if you could lose weight without starving yourself while still eating what you love.

Imagine seeing progress while still allowing yourself to eat tasty meals like ribeye steak with roasted garlic and butter?

How cool would that be?

But first:

Let me share my story…

Now, you surely have heard a lot of weight loss stories saying things like “I started losing weight in a few days when I ate THIS, or by drinking THIS“…

Well I didn’t do any of those things, because if I said that, then I would be lying to you. No. My weight loss was totally natural.

I just had to take a different approach which I’m gonna share with you right now.

My name is Andrea, I’m 24 and I’m from Colorado but have lived in Los Angeles, California, for most of my life now.

Despite my weight issue, I majored in nutrition in college because it really fascinated me. I now love what I do: helping people lead a healthy life.

About a year ago, I had had enough. I am 5″10 and weighed 190 pounds. I was overweight, helpless and desperate. I had tried every diet out there, or so it seemed, and all of them had barely any results on me.

When I was lucky enough to lose a few pounds, I would gain them right back in a week or even less! No matter how much I crash dieted, nothing would work.

I would blame myself for this. Most of my family members are either overweight or obese, so I don’t have the best genetics. My metabolism is very slow.

My best friend, Clara, saw that my weight issue was putting a huge strain on my mental health. So she decided to do some research to find something to help me out.

After a few days, she comes to my house and tells me that she might have found the solution for me. When she told me what it was, I laughed…

“Clara, there is no way this is possible,” I said. “I cannot possibly lose weight without starving myself and still eating what I love, that’s crazy!”

But she pressured me to do the program that she found for me. So since she insisted and wanted to help me, I figured that I’d just try out The Custom Keto Diet Plan.

The program was really affordable and plus if I wasn’t happy with it, I’d get my money back. So what did I have to lose, right?

After the first week of the program, I couldn’t believe what happened. When I got onto the scale, I weighed about 183 lbs. That’s right. I had melted about 7 pounds in 1 week.

I had never seen such progress and was really surprised because this Custom Keto Diet Plan didn’t feel like a diet at all!

I was:

Eating what I loved every day

Never hungry

Seeing progress

I was seeing progress while enjoying the process…

And even though I thought I was genetically doomed, this program helped me anyway.

I was seeing huge progress every week! And at the end of the 8-week program, I weighed 138 pounds, which was 2 pounds UNDER my goal weight. I was extremely happy, and I still am.

And let me tell you that the fat I melted is GONE. It has been about 8 months since I lost weight and my body weight has never gone above 140 lbs since.

This is possible for you too. Imagine being able to enjoy your diet while seeing progress!

Now, I know what you’re thinking, dear reader: ‘what the hell is this Custom Keto Diet Plan? Why should I care?’. And that’s ok, I was skeptical too when learning about it.

But if you stick to the end, I will reveal to you that it is not some “magic” program. As I said, any program you will take will require effort on your part!

It is perfectly logical and if done seriously will bring you amazing results!

Even me, who thought to be “genetically doomed” was able to do it.

But let me ask you this, reader: do you really wanna lose weight? Do you really wanna lead a healthier life?

If yes, then I strongly recommend you reading this until the end because you will be able to do just that literally tonight.

There is no better feeling than knowing you lost weight and achieved your goal.

MY GAME CHANGER:

Most products or services out there will not keep the fat you lost “off” if you know what I mean.

And that’s a bummer because the worst feeling is ending up back at square one. I’ve been there before, and you probably have too.

But imagine if you could lose weight fast and effectively without starving yourself?

How amazing would it be if you could enjoy your favorite foods and still see progress?

And more importantly: imagine if you could do all those things and not gain back the pounds you lost?

How cool would all that be?

What IS the Custom Keto Diet Plan?

The Custom Keto Diet Plan is a program that focuses on creating customized meal plans for you based on:

what you love eating, so you won’t give up your favorite foods

goal weight, so you’ll 100% meet it

Daily activity levels, so you don’t need to be exercising daily if you don’t want to

overall lifestyle so that you don’t have to change your daily life

It is a quick weight loss plan that is best for an upcoming occasion, big day, or to shed vacations weight.

It is based on a scientifically proven method and uses only healthy food sources, so it is completely safe for you

A step by step guide on weight-loss explaining how to achieve the target weight, so you’ll know exactly what to do

It gives a complete list of foods to select as per personal likings, so you’ll be eating what you love everyday

An accurate diet plan is based on every user’s micro calories and macro calories.

A complete grocery list for shopping that can be downloaded, so you’ll know what to cook

And so much more…

There are no supplements or exercise needed.

And those services will be effective for you because they only make minor changes to your diet. Plus since you won’t need to change your lifestyle, it will work long-term for you.

Thanks to the custom keto diet, I lost over 50lbs in about 2 months, and I would see progress daily.

Imagine seeing progress every day! No better feeling.

Now you have 2 options if this interests you:

Option 1:

Go to a dietitian and ask them to come up with a custom meal plan for you. This is great, but quite expensive: $100 per session plus $400 for check-ins and updates.

Option 2:

Check out the program that I have linked below, which does exactly the same things but at a fraction of this price, so you’ll save a lot of money and time.

If this interests you, grab yourself a custom keto diet plan for a discounted price right below (60-day money back guarantee).

In addition, receive a FREE Deliciously Easy Keto Recipe E-book.

Get Your Custom Keto Diet Right Here!

No subscription, keep your meal plan for life!

What do you have to lose? Either love your meal plan and see progress or get your money back!

If you do the program seriously, it will be a huge game-changer and you will lose weight way before summer begins

#goal weight #weightloss #lose weight #nutrition #healthy #keto #calories #food #healthy food recipes #foodforthought

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therapy101 · 4 years

Note

(1/2) With a rise in young children expressing gender nonconformity being sent to gender clinics, being taught about gender dysphoria and being ‘born in the wrong body’ in schools, being guided towards pubertal blockers and medical transition, I was wondering if I could ask for your more knowledgeable input please. When treating such children and adolescents, why is the underlying assumption that the dysphoric feelings are valid and the body is what needs fixing? Why is APA/psychologists

(”2/2) allowing medical decisions to be made based on outdated mind-body dualism? We don’t affirm anorexia and offer liposuction, or the delusions of schizophrenia for instance, so why is this the only mind-body incongruence that’s treated this way? Does GD in a developing child really warrant medicalizing them for the rest of their lives? Since we’ve scientifically concluded gender is a spectrum, shouldn’t we instead be promoting gender diversity no matter what sexed body we’re born in?”

There are a lot of things to unpack and understand here.

1. The underlying assumption is not that “the body needs fixing.” Medical transition is not the first step for children, adolescents, or adults with gender dysphoria. From 2004-2016, only 92 total children and adolescents out of six million total patients younger than 19 seen in the sample received a hormone blocker for a transgender-related diagnosis. Even among adults, current estimates for the United States are that between 25-35% of trans and non-binary adults complete any kind of gender affirming surgery (this means, even enough those who have surgery, it may only be one type of surgery and may not impact all relevant body parts). Getting access to trans-affirming medical care is very difficult, and structural inequalities like racism impact access to care, leading some trans people, especially Black trans women, to have to buy hormones from non-medical sources. That’s one of the reasons why the APA has come out to support trans folks and gender affirming care: because otherwise, these folks don’t get any care, or they get mistreated. The point here is to ensure that everyone gets equitable access to high quality medical and mental health care. That includes hormones, hormone blockers, and/or surgery for some people, but not everyone.

2. All feelings are valid- dysphoric or otherwise. Sometimes feelings don’t fit the facts, or acting upon them doesn’t make sense, but that doesn’t take away from their validity. The question is not whether the feelings are valid for kids with gender dysphoria, the question is how to understand that dysphoria better and how to identify what to do about it, both in terms of gender identity and in terms of coping, support and improving overall mental health. This is a great place for a therapist with expertise to step in and help the child and their family figure it out.

Sometimes the child or adolescent has known literally or essentially their whole life, and that may mean no dysphoria (which is great!). From Katz-Wise et al., 2017:

For some youth, primarily but not exclusively those ages 7–12 years, indication of transgender identification occurred early and was described as “immediate.” One father of an 18-year-old trans boy from the Northeast noted, “It was so immediate that it was just, you know, it wasn’t like he was seven and he said, ‘Oh my god he thinks of himself as a boy.’ It was just kinda always like that with him.”

For other youth, it is a more gradual process, and may take some time to sort out. Some youth also don’t have dysphoria while they are doing that so there may not be a reason to seek out therapy unless there is some other mental health issue they are facing. But if they do have dysphoria, or are otherwise experiencing mental health symptoms related to their gender identity, then seeing a therapist can help.

3. Supporting a child to identify as trans or nonbinary or some other non-cis gender is not “medicalizing them for the rest of their lives.” Hormone blockers can be removed, and hormones can be stopped- but I disagree that these are “medicalizing” in any case. A person cannot be reduced down to the medications they take or the treatments they receive. Is a woman with cancer “medicalized” because she undergoes a hysterectomy? Are the children on puberty blockers for medical reasons “medicalized” (>2000 of them in the study I cited above, but no one seems concerned about them)? What about those people with delusions who are put on antipsychotics, which are known to have severe side effects including higher risk of diabetes and heart disease, seizures, tardive dyskinesia, overwhelming sleepiness impacting ability to work or drive, weight gain (I’ve seen clients gain >70 lbs in 3 months), and more?

I would encourage you to read either of these great studies by Katz-Wise et al: 1 or 2 to understand this better. When you ask trans youth about themselves, the medical aspect is such a small part- they are talking about their whole selves, their hopes for the future, their families and friends, and their wishes to be able to be loved and accepted for who they really are. Some of it is about their bodies, sure, and that can mean that some decide to use hormones and/or hormone blockers or undergo surgery (although we’ve seen that those rates aren’t super higher ). But they’re also just talking about being called the right name and pronoun, getting to wear the clothes that make them feel authentic, getting to date and marry and have sex, and: getting to live. Not being ostracized and assaulted and killed. Like this 8 year old who identifies as a girlish boy worrying he’ll never be able to get married AND be his true self (from the second Katz-Wise et al):

An 8-year-old youth participant who identified as a “girlish boy” similarly worried about other people's reactions related to gender norms in the long-term future, as told by his mother,

He said [to me], ‘But I'm not going to get married, because if I married a boy I'd want to be the bride...I would want to wear a dress and people would laugh at me because I'm marrying a boy and I'd be wearing a dress.

He is 8 years old and these are his worries. As a mental health professional, my immediate thought is that he deserves any and all support that makes sense to him and his family so that he doesn’t have to worry like this. So that he can be 8.

4. Finally, and probably most importantly: gender dysphoria is different because treating it with hormone blockers, hormones, and surgery is literally life saving.

As high as 42% of trans people have attempted suicide at least once. For comparison, the lifetime prevalence of suicide attempts in the general population is 3%.

Study after study has shown that there are three primary factors that reduce suicide risk: 1. Timely medical and legal transition for those who want it; 2. Family acceptance and general support from friends and loved ones; 3. Reduced transphobia and internalized transphobia. (1 2 3 4 5).

Psychologists want to help people live, and live well. Living well means having a life you enjoy and find meaningful. If medical transition means someone’s suicide risk decreases and their mental health improves, then they can pursue the life they want. Being affirmed in their gender means they can have that part of the life they want. It might also help them get to other things they want (like having the marriage and wedding they envision, like that example). These are things we as psychologists prioritize. Period.

It’s not the same as anorexia because providing a liposuction for two reasons. One: It would not resolve the dysphoria. People with anorexia who lose weight do not feel better about themselves and their bodies. That’s the dysphoria: people with anorexia (and other eating disorders, sometimes) often cannot see their bodies as they really are. Changing the body won’t help. Unlike in gender dysphoria, where changing the body- either in presentation or actually medically -actually does help. Two: Liposuction for an underweight person with anorexia could kill them. As we’ve discussed, gender affirming surgeries for trans people can save their lives. These are not comparable.

The comparison to delusions doesn’t work very well because there isn’t really a “medical” intervention you would do to affirm someone’s delusion. But, since you may not know this: we sometimes do affirm people’s delusions, and it’s not necessarily psychologically helpful to try to change someone’s mind about a delusion. Delusions are not bad all on their own, and: sometimes things we think are delusional, actually aren’t, so it’s super important not to assume we know someone’s life and experiences better than they do. (Just recently a nurse assumed a patient was delusional, but actually they were quite rich and owned several expensive cars. People can be rich and have a significant mental illness.) So anyway- I don’t know how that applies.

Overall: we as a field are still understanding the full spectrum of gender identities and how to do good treatment and good science in relationship with that. But what’s clear is that medical transition is sometimes a part of a good treatment plan for both youth and adults, and that it can save people’s lives. It can make their lives better. I am 100% about saving people’s lives, so I am 100% about a medical transition when appropriate and gender affirming care in general.

References: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

(email me at academic.consultant101 gmail.com if you need full texts)

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livingouttheworsttimeline · 4 years

Text

Why am I so tired all the time?

4:30 am: youngest child wakes up after wetting the bed. change child, change bedsheets, replace drinks, turn night time music back on, convince youngest child that it is in fact still night time. Climb back into bed a 4:55.

5:00 am: eldest child comes to tell me that youngest child wants to play. I am aware, because I have heard her loudly declaring such since I left their room. Tell oldest child to go back to bed. Pray that, somehow, for the very first time, they will put themselves back to sleep.

5:05 am: give up on hopeless prayers. Get up and take both children to the living room. Change the youngest into underwear. Log into tablets and override the “do not turn on until 6 am” setting. Wait for coffee to finish brewing.

5:23 am: extract self from underneath 2 children and a dog to pour first cup of coffee. It’s half caff, because spouse has a heart condition. Remind self that I can have several cups with impunity.

5:45 am: Eldest child is unhappy with the pre-made breakfast provided for him the night before. When asked what he would like to eat, he responds, “bacon, chinese food, or pizza.” Explain, again, that we need a variety of foods for our bodies to grow strong. Spend 15 minutes convincing him to eat $5 worth of blackberries as a compromise.

6:12 am: Finish 2nd cup of coffee, realize that eldest child’s night time pull up is overflowing with poop. Usher him to the bathroom for a bath. Feel humbled when I realize that I spent 10 years in grad school, and yet I am still reduced to wiping shit off another person. Calmly remind eldest child that he is capable of using the potty, and that I have confidence in him.

6:30 am: Spouse awakes, complains that he slept poorly. Roll eyes and go back to drinking 3rd cup of coffee, in between being elbowed in the stomach and explaining that no, I do not know how to work the video game you just downloaded 15 seconds ago. Remind self that I am their physical and mental safe place, which is worth the literal bruises and mental stress.

6:45 am: extract self from pile of children and dog by physically lifting each dependent off my lap. Verify that spouse is up for supervision duties, collect running clothes, and start treadmill.

6:47 am: stop treadmill because youngest child has entered the room and decided that I will not run today because it’s not fair. Remind self that arguing fairness with a 3 year old is the definition of futility. Gently remind her that I love her, she is a big girl, and she can play independently while I run.

6:49 am: start treadmill again. Nagging calf pain seems to be back. Scale back workout, remind self that value of the run is not the distance. Do extra core workout to compensate.

7:30 am: shower. Mediate 2 sibling fights from shower. Fortunately, children are camped out in the bathroom with me, so I don’t have to leave a trail of water through the house to interact.

7:35 am: Marvel at the thought that spouse takes a 45 min shower. EVERY DAY. Note gratitude that I am working from home, and no longer have to style hair and makeup.

7:36 am: Refill kid drink cups for the 3rd time today. Spend 30 minutes convincing, cajoling, and bribing kids to put on clean underwear. We no longer try for clothes.

8:06 am: turn on work computer. Respond to a weekend full of emails. Handle 5 pressing tasks for side hustle, reasoning that if I get them out of the way, I can push the rest of that to do list to after working hours.

8:45 am: Answer persistent pounding on locked office door. refill drinks and provide snack. Reassure youngest child that mommy is still here, but she needs to work.

9:03 am: debate whether going to the bathroom is worth leaving the office and the begging that ensues. Make wrong choice either way.

9:15 am: morning meetings get shuffled later, because childless coworkers “are running late this morning.” Marvel at the concept of 9:15 am being early.

9:30 am: solid wall of meetings until noon. Update team on status at end of last week, despite not remembering what you just ate for breakfast. Realize that you haven’t eaten breakfast. Run training and introduction for new team member. You are the only woman on the team, so you get do the training because “you’re so good at explaining things.”

12:00 pm: Call youngest child’s preschool, make sure you can bring by her supplies and still adhere to Covid protocols. Preschool is also side hustle, so cram a parent and employee meeting into a single hour. Explain that new registration system will, in fact, be more efficient than old paper system. Remind preschool staff that we committed to going paperless. Make small talk with preschool teachers until the hour is up. Hop in the car and speed home.

1:00 pm: children adhere to my side the second I walk in the door. Spouse is in the shower. Children have eaten approximately 3 bites of their pb&j sandwiches, and demand different lunch. Remember that you have not eaten lunch yet. Refill drinks for 4th time, provide reasonable lunch alternatives.

1:25 pm: Remember that you scheduled a meeting for 1:30, and. you need to be present. Calculate that extraction from children is not possible in 5 minutes, and take meeting with youngest child on lap. Despite having weaned 1.5 years ago, youngest child decides that you’re still nursing, and pulls down top on video call. Spend most of call switching on and off mute. Catch every 3rd word.

1:45 pm: apologize to team, promise to reschedule a follow up with more focus. Hang up, extract youngest child’s arm from shirt. Refill drinks for the 5th time. Bribe children to get in bed for a nap with the promise of a visit to nana and pop this afternoon.

1:48 pm: children’s beds have been stripped, due to accidents last night, but spouse “doesn’t know where the clean sheets are”, and so hasn’t remade beds. Children petition to nap on the floor. Explain floor is not comfortable. Find clean sheets, make 2 beds, take everyone to the potty, tuck both children in.

2:20 pm: Realize that you have 40 minutes of actual work time left today, outside of meetings. Try to prioritize, with the knowledge that whatever you get done will not be enough. Deny request for drink refill.

3:00 pm: kick off afternoon meeting block. Try frantically to make the 40 minutes that you did get to work sound like a whole lot more. Wake children up during bathroom break so that they’ll be able to sleep tonight. Refill drinks for 5th time.

3:45 pm: Curse the fact that youngest child has inherited your distaste for waking up. Gently coax her awake in between meetings.

4:00 pm: Wrap up last task from meetings, make list of all new tasks. Realize that today you have checked off one task, and received 7 new ones. Promise self that you’ll get your work laptop back out after the kids are in bed. Ignore the sense of despair that threatens to overtake you.

4:20 pm: Bribe children into putting on clothes with promise of fruit snacks at grandparent’s house. Feel mildly guilty as you put on your second round of workout gear. Load children in double jogging stroller, jog to grandparent’s house.

5:00 pm: collect children to head home for dinner.

5:10 pm: threaten no more fruit snacks if children don’t put on their shoes. Grandparents go get them more fruit snacks.

5:23 pm: explain that the sun is going down in 24 minutes, and that we have to leave now to get home before it gets dark. Remember that time is immaterial. Wish for that blissful sense of ignorance.

5:37 pm: push 100 lbs of toddler and stroller up giant, hilly driveway. Spouse greets us with “what’s for dinner?” Politely remind him that he promised to plan and make dinner while we were gone. Grit teeth at his “I didn’t know what to make” response. Quickly run through available, easy, acceptable options and make dinner.

6:15 pm: serve dinner. Eat own dinner in 2.5 minutes, then spend rest of meal refilling drinks and plates, heating up or cooling down, and cajoling children to eat anything at all.

6:45 pm: Announce that tonight we don’t need to take a bath. Youngest child immediately melts down, because she wanted to take a bath. Eldest child melts down because, even thought he didn’t want to take a bath, he wanted to taunt his sister while she was in the bath.

6:53 pm: Loose temper for 1st time today, scream that children need to brush their teeth. Step away to calm down. Spouse gets upset because “You can’t handle the children without yelling.” Bite tongue all the way through to avoid snarky reply.

7:10 pm: read 2 story books. Read one more. Explain again, that mommy cannot read anymore, and daddy will come read for a little while. Extract self from pile of children, and tuck both in. Hugs, kisses, and fist bumps. Twice. Then once more, after you’ve left the room.

7:15 pm: contemplate second shower. Decide that you didn’t really get that sweaty on the walk, and it’s not like you’re going out. Collapse on sofa with phone and mindless tv.

7:25 pm: spouse comes into the living room after harrowing duty of reading for 10 minutes. Hand over the remote, pull out side hustle lap top and finalize tasks for the day.

8:30 pm: remember that you promised to do main job work. Bring out that laptop to run some code while you continue side hustle work.

9:15 pm: Finish side hustle work, give up on main job work for the evening. Mentally apologize to team for not making more progress, promise to self that you’ll be more focused tomorrow.

9:30 pm: tell spouse that you need to go to bed. Endure his eye roll and disappointed face. Apologize for needing to go to sleep so early, and reassure him that you’re doing the best you can.

10:15 pm: eldest child has night terror. Comfort eldest child until he’s calm. Comfort youngest child, who is upset at brother’s screams. Realize that spouse is still watching tv in the living room while you comfort children.

11:00 pm: listen to youngest child cry for 10 minutes until spouse begrudgingly tends to her. Remind self that it is not solely my job to comfort our children. Try to go back to sleep.

3 am: eldest child wakes up with question about mushrooms that is vitally important. Answer to best of middle-of-the-night ability, acknowledge that you appreciate his curiosity, but that there are times when questions are not appropriate. Get him back to sleep.

4:30 am: youngest child wakes up.

#working mom #why am i so tired

9 notes · View notes

alastanor · 4 years

Text

Thanks for tagging me @thalfox this took me a long time to finish, and I'm gonna be dog tired in the morning, but it was worth it. Lol. Hope you have as much fun reading it as I did writing it.

1 • What is your MC’s name? What is their name origin? What does it mean (if it ever has a meaning).

❄ Eirlys is Welsh for "Snowdrop" and it is pronounced as either Eye-r-liss, or Aye-r-liss. Depending on which part of Wales you hear the name.

2 • When is their birthday? How old are they? What about their zodiac sign? (bonus point if you give their rising or even their birth/natal chart)

♋ She was born March 10th, and she is a Pisces.

As for her age, this one has more to do with RAD. RAD stands for Royal Academy of Diavolo. An academy, if you search the definition, is typically a school of higher learning or secondary education. Like a college, if you will. But Academy doesn't always refer to a sort of college. In some cases, it can also apply to a High School. My theory is that RAD is a mixture of both. A sort of college, but with hints of High School-esque scheduling and culture. Or perhaps it can function as both. I tend to lean toward the latter, in which case I make Eirlys somewhere between 20 and 23 years old.

3 • What is your MC’s gender? And what are their sexual/romantic preferences?

Eirlys identifies primarily as female with she/her pronouns. She is demisexual, and considers herself panromantic. However, she puts a heavy emphasis on romance.

(Me personally, I don't mind they/them pronouns though I typically identify with she/her. I am also demisexual but biromantic.)

4 • What is your MC’s race? (human, demon, angel, other). If human, what are their nationality and origins?

💁‍♀️Eirlys is human. As for nationality, origins, heritage, etc... Eirlys grew up in Japan, though she herself is not ethnically Japanese.

5 • Before coming to Devildom, what was their occupation? (job, studies…)

📖 Eirlys worked part time in her school's library while attending classes full time at a college overseas.

6 • Height? Weight? Describe their body type.

Eirlys is 5'3" (160 cm) and roughly 110 lbs (49.8 kgs). Her body type would best be described as a triangle/pear shape (slim chest, breasts on the smaller side, while body widens out into voluptuous hips).

7 • Who is/are your MC’s love interest(s) (if they ever have one). Summarise their dynamic.

💛 Eirlys found Mammon irritating when she first met him, and became increasingly frustrated at how he looked down on her for being a human. But over time, as she got to know him, she came to enjoy his conversation and his company. He made her laugh, and despite being a demon he was so full of energy and life that Eirlys found not just refreshing but endearing. Before long, she realized she had fallen in love with him despite the protests of his brothers regarding her taste in men.

🧡 Leviathan was another of the brothers Eirlys found infuriating, not just in how he also looked down on her for being human, but how often he whined and complained about seemingly everything when they first met. But like Mammon, the more she got to know him, the more she found she had in common with Leviathan. Falling asleep on his shoulder watching anime with him in his room, or enjoying his company while playing games, has made it increasingly difficult not to love him in some capacity even if she loves Mammon more. Because of this, she allows Leviathan to believe she would never be interested in him. As cruel as that might be for both of them.

💜 Belphegor, on the other hand, she is fully aware of how he feels about her. She keeps it platonic between them, because even though she has forgiven him for his deceit and his attempt to kill her not once- but twice, she cannot forget it. The memory sours any thoughts of being more than just friends. Somewhere deep in his heart, she is sure Belphie knows this. And deeply regrets it.

8 • Does your MC have any specific appearance features? (Scars, marks, anything else)

She has skin pale as fresh snow, fluffy light pink hair like sweet cotton candy, and clear pale celeste blue/aquamarine colored eyes.

Beyond this, there is nothing remotely remarkable or striking about her.

9 • Does your MC have any disabilities? (physical, mental health, etc). How do they deal with it?

Eirlys has suffered some trauma in the past which has led to some issues. Don't want to give too much away as I am in the process of writing a fic.

10 • How do you imagine your MC’s voice? Describe it.

Her voice is gentle and light. Silvery, dulcet tones might be a good way to describe it. Her voice will get rather harsh and stentorian if she is angry enough.

11 • Does your MC have any tattoos or piercings? Just tell us more about it!

She has pierced ears on her lobes, she was never brave enough to get any in the cartilage as much as she wanted them. Her skin reacts badly to many kinds of metals, a kind of skin allergy, so she can never keep piercings in for very long.

12 • Describe their clothing style (if they have a favorite style). Do they have specific accessories Bonus question: how do they wear RAD uniform?

To sum it up, Eirlys dresses in typically classic chic style with a touch of hipster or grunge here and there.

For her uniform, Eirlys keeps it looking crisp and sleek. These would be good examples. Of fashion types and how she wears her uniform.

The RAD uniform images, the not quite RAD uniform one on the right, I thought the skirt may be more in line with what the uniform used. Versus the pencil skirt-esque look on the left. The boots on the right would also be more akin to what Eirlys would wear.

Is your MC able to use magic? If so, are they skilled? How do they learn? Were they able to use it before coming to Devildom?

🔮 Eirlys is still learning about her abilities, abilities that have not fully awoken though they had been stirred when Solomon allowed her to use his powers. Using his powers was like the catalyst to tapping into a yet untapped wellspring. Though the water from that wellspring has yet to fully come forward.

Before that, Eirlys fully believed she was just another unremarkable human with nothing special about her, as Lucifer often said.

14 • Describe your MC’s parents (names, jobs, personalities). Do they have any siblings? What is their relationship with their family?

🎀 From what Eirlys knows of her parents through stories, her parents loved one another very much. Her mother had been her father's first love in college, and years later they had her. However, when she was still very young her family had been killed by a reckless drunk driver while visiting other family. Eirlys was taken in by her aunt, who worked as a fashion consultant in Tokyo.

15 • How many languages do they speak? Which ones?

🀄 English and Japanese, though she is wanting to learn how to read Devilish and Celestial.

16 • What is their relationship with each brother?

I already mentioned Mammon, Levi, and Belphie above. So I will leave them out here.

🖤 Lucifer - When Eirlys first met Lucifer, she didn't know what to make of him. All she knew was that he was intimidating and likely very dangerous. It took a lot of time for her to not only come to trust Lucifer and feel safe around him, but to like him and understand his motives behind his methods. But Lucifer was never her type, and instead she looks to him now like a younger sister to a reliable older brother. Even if that older brother can be mildly sadistic in his teasing.

💚 Satan - After being introduced to Satan, Eirlys did find him attractive and was excited to find another bookworm even here among all the demons. However, after she was introduced to Satan and came to find Satan smiled when he was angry, she found communicating with him equally as intimidating as Lucifer's threats. Trying to figure out when he was angry and when he was genuinely happy really did a number on her anxiety, and eventually kept her from really communicating with him overmuch for an extended length of time. It wasn't until later that she tried getting to know him better, and coming to find the source of all his anger. That information became the catalyst and foundation to their continuously building and growing friendship.

❤ Beelzebub - Beel has ever been the sweet one, even if he was a bit more distant when they first met. Beel was never outright cold or condescending to Eirlys, and the closer they became the sweeter he became. Before long, she found just how considerate and gentle Beel truly was. Despite this, Beel never appealed to her romantically. Instead, much like Lucifer, she looks to Beel as a gentle and reliable brother of sorts.

💗 Asmodeus - His penchant for lechery always threw Eirlys off balance, being the non-sexual type. When she first met him and found he was the Avatar of Lust, her first instinct was to keep ten yards between them at all times. Asmodeus was the wild card in the deck of seven for Eirlys, because though he has tendencies toward the egotistical side, she can never fully peg him. Even after getting to know him and forming a bond with him. Asmodeus, she found, has ever been able to tell when something he did was making her uncomfortable. He never pushed cuddling beyond what Eirlys wanted it to be or was comfortable with, even if he joked occasionally about doing it naked.

17 • What is their relationship with each side characters?

🐕 Luke: She was rather bemused upon meeting Luke, and seeing him standing in contrast to Simeon lit an amused glint within her eyes. Perhaps it was because he was an angel, but Eirlys bonded with Luke rather quickly. Though she cannot say she likes everything about the child-like angel, as his anti-demon sentiment has grated on her the more she has bonded with the boys (it has grown more half-hearted recently), but she counts Luke among the few within the three realms she can fully rely on.

🕊 Simeon: He was always rather mesmerizing for Eirlys, in ways the demons weren't. Perhaps it was the mystery that surrounded him despite being such a beautiful angel. His eyes, so striking against his features, were particularly what drew her in. Whenever she speaks with Simeon, she cannot help but smile. Despite all this, she has closed her heart off to anything beyond friendship with Simeon. Perhaps because she already has feelings for Mammon and more complicated ones for Leviathan, or perhaps because she feels a relationship with an angel would be too out of bounds for a human like her. Maybe both. Either way, she considers Simeon a very dear friend.

🦋 Solomon: He was one Eirlys didn't think much of when she first met him, though she was rather jealous of his abilities. She did slowly think of him in more friendly terms, however there was always something about him she didn't fully trust. Solomon has ever been the Cheshire Cat to her Alice.

🏵 Diavolo: Eirlys doesn't really have a very strong opinion one way or the other about him. Though the mere fractions of a moment she has spent getting to know him, the more she finds her opinion shifting to the positive. He has demonstrated himself to be incredibly thoughtful, compassionate (for a demon), and mature each time. Even if he hides it behind a constantly smiling face.

🐉 Barbatos: A mysterious and handsome face. This was the first thought that entered Eirlys's mind when she first met Barbatos. But after learning of his abilities and seeing them in action, Barbatos has bypassed all other demons in the intimidation department and landed himself firmly on the "never piss off under any circumstances" list.

Not exactly an accurate graph, but it's the best I can do restricted to mobile.

18 • What is your MC’s main hobbies and passions?

♥️ Her hobbies include: reading, music, dancing (hip hop and the like), anime, manga, video games, dramas, and movies (except horror, because she is a little chicken shit and will be the first to admit it).

♠️ She has a passion for dancing and singing, though she isn't good enough by any means to be considered professional, and typically her singing and dancing has been in rooms alone, in the shower, or driving alone in her car (in the human world).

She also has a big love for stories, especially fantasy and romance. Be they in books, movies, anime/manga, or dramas.

19 • Why did they end up in Devildom in the first place? What happened to them?

An email went out to all the students of high school and college age, explaining the exchange program with a world long thought to be a mere myth stemmed from religion, and nothing more. Those interested in participating could apply and send in their application for consideration. Anyone not interested could simply disregard the email. It explained a deadline, details and requirements for application, along with signing an agreement form explaining the rules of conduct within the Devildom. It was surprisingly thorough and organized for a simple email.

Eirlys was intrigued, but a part of her thought it was just an elaborate prank. Over the next few weeks, she heard more and more about people who had put in an application and eventually she too relented and sent in an application. Though her application was sent right at the last minute. Almost literally.

20 • What is your MC’s MBTI type?

ENFJ

21 • Do they have a pact with each bro? Do they often use their pacts? In which situations?

Yes, she has a pact with each brother. And each pact has left it's mark on her. However, she refuses to use her pacts unless she absolutely has to. Though there are times when she has used them out of anger (think "sit, boy!" from Inuyasha).

22 • What is their favorite place in Devildom?

Her room, the music room, and the Royal Library. Though there is an odd beauty to the old Colliseum when it is empty.

23 • Which sin fits them the most?

This one is difficult, but if I had to pick one I would say Pride or Envy.

24 • Describe their personality.

Eirlys is a rather compassionate and kind person with a passion for life and a fierce loyalty to her select group of friends. She is a genuine, honest, and caring individual and a passionate altruist. Sometimes even to a fault, and she is unlikely to be afraid to take the slings and arrows while standing up for the people and ideas she believes in.

Eirlys won't turn down an opportunity to spend time with those she cares about, even if that means going to social gatherings she would otherwise not attend on her own.

Despite all this, Eirlys can sometime be too idealistic or even selfless to a fault. She is prone to fluctuating self-esteem and may ask for praise or criticism out of insecurity, more than anything else. What's more, some criticisms can be easy for Eirlys to take to heart. Allowing it to further chip away at her self-confidence.

25 • What is their moral alignment?

Neutral good.

26 • Does your MC possess an object/something especially dear to their heart?

No, not really...

27 • Which character(s) do they consider as their best friend(s)?

If Mammon doesn't count considering he is the love interest, then I would have to say Levi and Beel.

28 • Choose a song that fits your MC.

Fight Song by Rachel Platten

29 • What are your MC’s religious beliefs?

Eirlys considered herself Agnostic, with some leaning toward Earthy religions. She had no beliefs in Heaven or Hell, so when she received her invitation that was rather eye opening.

30 • Describe what is inside your MC’s school bag.

Text books, notebooks, mechanical pencils, pens, highlighters, a zip bag for those things, reading books, calculator, and other generic school necessities.

31 • Describe their appearance (pic refs are ofc allowed).

♣️ Eirlys generally has fluffy waves of light pink hair that falls in cascades to the middle of her back, clear celeste blue / aquamarine eyes (haven't fully decided which), and snowy pale skin. She is not very tall, and has a triangle-shaped figure. Her fashion sense typically aligns with classic chic with a touch of hipster and grunge or street punk depending on her mood. And how she wears her uniform typically reflects this fashion sense as well, as her uniform typically looks rather crisp and pristine compared to the demon she loves.

Otherwise the other best examples I have are these images, one from a webcomic on Tappytoons.

The top image is probably as close as I can get, with the changes being thicker hair and eyes that are more blue like the girl in the images below. There is also the matter of her bangs being what curls inward as opposed to the tufts of hair beside her ears. The girl below, her hair is a bit too curly, though and her bangs aren't right. Plus the tufts on the side of her face down curl against her cheeks enough like the images above. But beyond all that, this is as close to an example of what my MC looks like. How she wears her uniform is portrayed above.

Tagging || @mammon-chan @mammoron @obeymesideblog @obeyme-lumos @beelzebubisbestwaifu @slavetothemocha @mammon-squad @mambeelz

And anyone else who wants to join in.

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me fandom #obey me mammon #obey me mc #the great mammon #obey me eirlys

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chippa-thoughts · 5 years

Text

Felix is a Metaphor

Just like the Bakerix episode was a metaphor for interracial marriage, a lot of people picked up the fact that Felix is a metaphor for harassing/mistreating women. So let’s dive into it, shall we?

*SPOILERS FOR FELIX AHEAD, PLEASE WATCH THE EPISODE BEFORE READING THIS IF YOU DO NOT WANT SPOILERS*

⚠️ Also, I understand this may be a sensitive topic for anybody who has been a victim or knows somebody who has gone/is going through this sort of thing at the moment. So please be wary of this while reading. ⚠️ Also please note, whenever I say “women” or “boys” or “men” it’s just a generalization. The terms are fluid for everyone, but because Felix is a boy and Alya, Rose, Juleka and Ladybug are girls, my terminology is mostly stemming from that. None of the terminologies are meant to be malicious.

PRE-THOUGHTS: AS SOON AS the episode synopsis for Felix dropped all those months ago, I had the biggest hunch it would be taken in this direction because of who gets akumatized: Alya, Rose and Juleka. It said they were coming after Felix which meant he did something to upset them and I could only assume it was going to be a metaphor for mistreating women.

THEN THE TRAILER DROPPED and my suspicions were only moreso confirmed.

------------------------------------------------------------ ALRIGHT, LET'S DIG INTO IT. ------------------------------------------------------------

1. THE "VICTIMS"

Alya, Rose and Juleka are our beautiful, personable and lovely women who are akumatized as a result of Felix being manipulative, a liar and verbally abusive.

These are all the traits of the type of guy (and there are women who are like this too) who see women as objects, or as trophies to "conquer."

They start off looking like a nice guy - saying all the right words to make you feel good about yourself. Quite literally, they may be pretending to be somebody they're not. They may be impersonating someone else and lying about who they are just to impress you or put you at ease.

Only to reveal his true colours later on.

His words hurt them and they are left feeling disappointed and betrayed.

The fact that all 3 of them are akumatized could represent a situation where a guy has played multiple girls at once.

-----------------------------------------------------------

2. HAWKMOTH'S WORDING

The words he uses to akumatize people are usually a hint to the meaning of the episode.

In this case, 'the boy you thought was your friend' could be switched out with 'the boy you thought who liked you/flirted with you,' again, tying back to the description that boys like these always come off nice, or seem like your friend at first... until they cross the line.

Then this was their reply:

This is the kind of thing you would say to a boy who's played you or used you - otherwise, I don’t believe Alya, Juleka and Rose would get so easily akumatized over one mean video. I believe they were specifically akumatized as a demonstration to fulfil this underlying message.

Imagine a group of exes getting back at their abusive ex-boyfriend together.

-------------------------------------------------------

3. NAUGHTY GIRL

I believe this was intentionally a piece of dialogue to represent when guys like these make promiscuous comments towards women such as referring to them as a "bad girl," in need of "punishment" (if you understand that innuendo).

Many people have come to critique this as ‘toxic phrasing’ which implies that the boy will assert his dominance because the woman is ‘asking for it/she deserves it.’

It's a common phrasing guys like these will use to flirt and 'get in,' but as the Trio of Punishers express: this is just terrible.

---------------------------------------------------------

4. NO, MEANS NO!

And finally, this scene perfectly and ultimately captures their underlying message:

Let's go through it frame by frame:

Firstly, Felix grabs LB's hand in a manner she is startled and uncomfortable with.

Guys like these will often touch you or hold you unexpectedly or without permission, or, in ways that may make you feel uncomfortable. They often just help themselves to it, usually under this twisted mentality that 'you want it' or 'it must feel good.'

Ladybug in this scene represents women who face this situation and are startled, shocked, or taken aback by the sudden affection.

Look at the way she has clenched her fist - she's being protective of her hand now.

And this part:

Again, reiterating the idea about how guys like these tend to say things you want to hear. They'll seem nice, they'll seem like they care... but all they 'care' about is getting your guard down so they can slide in.

In more specific situations, guys might actually say they 'love you' because they know it works.

And Ladybug lets her guard down for a second because, in reality, it does sound nice at first.

And she has a bit of a gleam in her voice.

Then ooof Cue this twisted music, to match his twisted mindset.

The fact he trails off after "let me..." is to insinuate that real-life situation where guys want what they... want 👀

Then he starts advancing on her.

Look how uneasy it's making her. It's to simulate these real-life situations as I keep mentioning.

And backs her up into a wall.

Years ago, this was seen as the 'classic' move in shows, films and even cartoons to 'get' ladies. In fact, there's even a name for it in Japanese media called "kabedon" - the ‘wall push/wall slam/wallpin’ whatever you call it.

But in this day and age, we realise it is showcasing some sort of ‘toxic masculinity’ where the guy is advancing dominance over a woman who: a). does not ask for it b). did not give consent.

But many new media forms are also using it ironically or satirizing it as a way of being subversive.

To heighten her discomfort, Cristina Vee adds these sounds and mumbles of discomfort.

And this frame is given a second or two for us to soak in.

The diagonal angle reinforces how twisted this is, Ladybug is shown to be helpless, startled and her limbs are spread against the wall, overshadowed by Felix's body.

This is how it used to be. The show is making a statement for how wrong this is.

She expresses her first "no."

And look at how disgusted and uncomfortable she looks.

But he ignores her refusal and keeps going, signifying men who don't respect other’s wishes.

And then our favourite moment:

punches him

Because Ladybug represents this forward movement with women.

This kind of behaviour should not be tolerated and no woman (and even man) deserves to be treated this way.

The staff behind Miraculous express their attitude towards this through Ladybug when she exclaims:

They want to tell you that "boys" like him are not worth your time. You should not have to put up with people who cannot respect personal boundaries and try to violate yours. Ladybug represents the idea that you deserve so much more than a guy who is manipulative, shallow and tries to weasel their way into your affection with cheap tricks.

The best part is, Cristina's comment about all this:

Felix is meant to represent the "bad boy," who thinks he's so suave with women when in reality, he's just a player, a cheat, and as Cristina says: not worth it.

----------------------------------------------

5. ENTITLED

One extra thing!

This line reveals one of Felix's key characteristics: he always gets what he wants. He thinks he's entitled. He gets away with everything. Hence why he thinks he can treat women the way he does.

-----------------------------------------------

Let me know your thoughts on this!

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aryn-writes · 4 years

Text

And we are back to over sharing to deal with my mental health

TW: Caps, Eating Disorders, Self-Harm, Depression, Anxiety

Venting Post!

I am so tired. And before you ask, yes I sleep over six hours every night. When I can, I sleep over 12. So my sleeping is not the issue.

The issue is that I have no fucking clue how to exist anymore.

I was initially trying to remain as the person that I was. They were a happyish ray of sunshine that was so good at helping people. And they did! People came to them daily to vent, get advice, or just letting them know that they are doing better. And I wasn’t doing great mentally then, but I was making improvements!

It has been over a year since we went into lockdown.

And you know, there have been good things that came out of the isolation.

I know I am nonbinary! And I was getting closer to dressing how I want!

But I am exhausted.

While I am at a healthy weight now, I have been slipping in and out of my ED habits. My family has also been continuously shitting on me for gaining weight. (if you’re curious, I am 5’4” [~162 cm] at 135 lbs [~61 kg]. I used to be at 100 lbs [45 kg]. And I would continuously dip back in double digits.) So, I have a fear that I’m going tot get bad again and that is just not something that I can handle at the moment.

I also can’t socialize, because holy fuck that shit is terrifying.

Like there are times when I can’t even talk to my family.

My closest friends? One of them messages me daily to make sure I’ve eaten at least one thing (which I agree, very kind, but I will explain why I don’t like it in a bit.) The other I haven’t talked to in months and it is so awkward when we try to talk. All the other people I used to consider close haven’t talked to me in a year, even after I would attempt to reach out to them.

I know that it is partially my fault; I am horrible at messaging and keeping conversations going is one of my weaker points, even in person. Along with that, I have been having depressive episodes more often that I care to keep track of, and I push people away and isolate myself during those times. So I get that it might be difficult to talk to me.

But there are people who I will reach out to, and they read the message and just don’t respond.

Like... I will literally say “hey! It’s been a while, how have you been?” (No response)

A week goes by

“I’m just checking in to make sure you’re doing alright” (left on read)

Another week

“Me and this person wanted to plan a small hang out online! She found this really cool website that we can play games, and we can use discord to chat. Wanna join?” (No response)

And it goes on.

For over seven months.

So if you have an active imagination and are prone to overthinking, you can imagine that my thoughts are “well shit. They just don’t like me and were only friendly bc i was dating him.” (Him being my ex boyfriend; we broke up a month into the quarantine.)

And so that kinda fucked with my anxiety even more.

I don’t blame them for not talking to me. The logical part of me understands that sometimes you just don’t respond, or maybe you forget or just don’t want to. I get that. But the part of me that has been overwhelming is pretty much like, everyone hates you and you’re a burden.

And it’s really hard to open up to the people you are close to when you feel this way.

So we come back to the close friend who checks that I’ve eaten.

He is wonderful, do not get me wrong. We became acquaintances around September 2019, and friends a few months after. At this time, I was dating my ex, who was an acquaintance to the close friend. (We are going to call the close friend Edward from here on out.)

At that time, I was struggling with my body image and my eating disorder. (Every year I go through a relapse and recovery, it fucking sucks and sometimes the relapse take over almost the whole year, but not the point right now.) One of his first memories of me is me having a panic attack because I ate a sandwich.

So during this pandemic, Edward has been messaging me to make sure I’m eating, because he doesn’t want me to get really bad again. Which is nice!

Except he doesn’t really understand mental illness.

He has been trying! Do not get me wrong, he does try. But his way of going about talking to me during a depressive episode is “Just don’t let it get to you” And “Be happy” and my favorite, “I don’t get why it’s so bad.”

😃🤡

Along with that, he gets incredibly upset when I don’t respond to his messages within like thirty minutes.

Keep in mind, I have been going through many, many depressive episodes and am constantly struggling to get out of bed and keep up with my school work. I have told him this. I have told him that sometimes I just cannot handle checking my messages and participating in conversation.

And a side note, I am in my last year of high school. Which mean I have online learning and in a few months I will be graduating. Which means I have a few classes I need to pass in order to graduate. If you keep up with most high schoolers, we have been getting an absurd amount of work with due dates every fucking day. That plus depression does not go well, and so I am very tired all the time, but since we have actual lectures instead of recordings, I keep my camera on for every single class because the teacher’s get sad if we don’t. And yes, there are classes where it is just me and the teacher with our cameras on. And yes I constantly disassociate during class and stop focusing because I forget to.

So yeah, it is fucking hard to just keep up with that, and socializing isn’t really something my brain sees as important because of the constant negative energy I receive when I do try to talk to people. So I have told him that as of late, it is just difficult to do much besides school, and things that produce any sort of serotonin or dopamine.

And he got upset that talking to him wasn’t making me happy!

Which, it does! Because he is a great friend! But he is so rude about the things involving my mental illnesses! And acts like he understands it better because he is in a psychology class! So in this state, I do not feel as comfortable talking to him since he only wants the ‘happy’ version of me that struggles to eat so that he can ‘fix’ my eating disorder and be able to feel like he did something!

But I continue to try to talk to him, because he is an only child and I am one of his only actual friends. (I really wish I was kidding, but when we became close, he told me that I was the first person to ever actually care about how he’s feeling and how he is actually doing rather than just taking advantage of his presence. He almost cried when I said that I appreciated his existence.)

And I do care about him. Edward is definitely a close friend, and I appreciate that he tries. But lately, he only does it for the validation of knowing he did something good, and it feels like he is just tired of having me around since I can’t bring myself to speak much.

So I have been trying to push myself to be a good friend to him. And I am doing what I can to pretend that I am getting better so that he can be happier. Which is just tiring me out even more.

I feel empty most of the time now, and I am so easily put over the edge. I can hide it pretty well, but it has been getting to the point where I am contemplating self harm again just to feel something.

I don’t remember how to properly do things. I am really just trying to get through every day. But it feels like I am headed straight for doom and I am so tired of it and I just want to leave!

Which in a few months, technically I will. I hope to go out of state for college (to get as far as I possibly can from all of this shit) but as I apply to more scholarships, I want to scream and cry because I have no clue how I am going to pay for college because my parents make too much money and my mother spends it all on herself so I am stressed out. I didn’t do enough extracurriculars, and I have been rejected from so many scholarships that it’ s starting to look like I might need to stay here, and I can’t do that. I just can’t.

So I have been crying and trying to escape from this shit, and I feel like at some point I might just constantly think that nothing is real and none of this shit matters, because that is on my mind more and more.

But hey! I have been reading, writing, gaming, watching anime and drawing to cope so that shit exists (even though it’s all shit so I won’t post it) and I’m making improvements with that so that is something?

I don’t fucking know lol.

I am just tired, and this was a rant. I don’t fucking care. Hope you have a good day!

#reality is often disappointing #and i am exhausted #life seems fake #depressive episodes suck #i literally can’t talk because of #anxiety #pretty sure everyone hates me #do i need tight hugs #therapy #or music #anyways #fictional characters #are the only thing really motivating me #tamaki and haruhi would not stand this #jumin and saeran would be making me get help and making sure that I wasn’t this stressed out #and there’s more but you get the gist #imma take a nap #emotional vent #depression

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memoirsofabasicbitch · 3 years

Text

The thing is, I’m not entirely sure I remember how to dream. How to write. How to imagine anything independently of a world created by someone else, in their mind.

I’ve grown so used to hanging my dreams on what other people have created for me that I don’t know if that person is still in there.

That weird little girl, who peeled acorns for squirrels, and walked in circles over and over and over again on the roots of the big oak tree. She had a big imagination. She told herself all sorts of stories.

Was it just because I couldn’t play the other games? Too slow - reflexes and running. Too weak - climbing, throwing, running, playing.

(Or was it because I wasn’t allowed to — couldn’t — play those games? I have a few dim memories of trying to play and being sent away. They’re dim though. I stopped asking.)

Or was it simply that I was filling time? Waiting until I could go back into a world I could navigate a little better than the playground?

Sometimes, though, I was waiting. Hoping, really.

More than a few times.

A lot.

I hoped, I thought, maybe - maybe if I walk in the right way, I’ll hear the trees laughing, like Anne told Diana about. Maybe they’ll talk to me. Maybe a faerie will come creeping out from a little crevice and wave, winking. Maybe a squirrel will come crawling down the wrinkled bark while I watch, and take the little heap of acorn meat I’d left for him. Maybe there’s a tiny scrap of magic somewhere in the world that I just haven’t found yet.

I haven’t had dreams for a long time. That’s what happens when your dreams have expiration dates. I’ve already missed most of mine.

Never really even came close.

I had a “schedule” that makes me want to cry to think of it. Meet someone in college or shortly after. Get married by 25, so we would have a few years together after college. Have our first child by 27, because mom always said I should start having babies by 30 if I really wanted to have more than one and space them out.

I’m 28. I’ve never had a real relationship with anyone, romantic or platonic. I’ve never had a best friend who would place me on the same importance as I would them.

I have borderline personality disorder. I have adhd. I am on the autism spectrum. I have depression and anxiety so severe they cripple me. More than one of these things may be false. The symptoms are nearly indistinguishable once you have more than 2. No one will give me a straight answer, and no two doctors can agree.

Added onto years of emotional and mental abuse - which is what it was, wasn’t it. Maybe because I’m autistic, maybe it really was that bad. Neglect, sure. Public humiliation, that happened too, I’m pretty sure. Being told flat out that I was stupid and fat and ugly and I was lucky to have any friends at all so maybe I should just shut up and sit down before I ended up with none.

I’m pretty sure that happened. I don’t really remember it though. I don’t really have any memories at all.

Supposedly that’s something that happens with “complex post traumatic stress disorder,” which generally crops up when a person is systematically ground down for a long time until there is nothing left but the stories they told themselves when they tried to explain to the fake audience in their head who they were. How they got that way.

I don’t know who I was, who I could have been if I hadn’t had the life I did. Maybe my memories are skewed.

My therapist didn’t seem to think so, but she also sometimes seemed to think I was full of shit. That’s probably me reading too much into things again. That’s what I do.

Was it really that bad? I remember a lot of screaming, and crying, and hiding, and wishing I was dead or that someone would just hit me already so I would have something to say, to tell people other than “they yell at me and make me cry and sometimes they grab my arms and shake me and sometimes they tell me they’ll throw me out onto the street to fend for myself and sometimes they tell me they love me so much they’re so sorry and then sometimes they cry”.

But how much of that was me? How much was that my perception of things? Am I really that crazy, or have I really been gaslit that much? Is it gaslighting if they didn’t even realize how much pain they caused you, which is why they say “it wasn’t that bad stop exaggerating”?

Did I imagine all of it?

If I did, if I didn’t, what was real? What had the weight I felt it carry? What should have been a minor blip in my life but instead metastasized into a catastrophe?

I don’t know. Maybe I never knew. Reality hasn’t ever been my friend.

Fantasy is so much better.

It’s painful now, though. To read some of these stories, these books I used to adore.

Stories about Mature Adult Women of 25! Whole! Years! Going on adventures and meeting their soulmates and having wonderful happy lives.

I’m spiraling. It’s late. I’m tired and a little high, wishing I was higher and maybe I wouldn’t be so bored.

Bilbo was middle aged, wasn’t he? When he went on his adventure? He had an adventure, and then he came home and had a long, rich, happy, lonely, bitter life. Hmm. Perhaps the one ring is not the best foundation for a guiding principle.

I went to law school because I’d come to the end of every plan I actually had. (You don’t really plan for a future when you’ve been suicidal since before puberty.) I figured I’d get to read and write at least reasonably interesting things, make good money, maybe even make a difference.

I’ve been a paralegal for the same law firm I worked for right out of college for two years now and I have never felt more like a shambling corpse.

When I graduated from college, I couldn’t get a job. Could I have tried harder? Sure. Is executive dysfunction a bitch? You bet.

So I worked for a family friend’s law firm. Personal injury and medical malpractice. She’s the mother of my older sister’s oldest best friend and has employed all of my mother’s three daughters.

She’s also a heinous bitch and a terrible boss. Her employees have a shelf life of about 2 years. I’ve hit my expiration date. Once you’ve audibly cried during a phone conference, you’re really near the bottom. Once she decides you suck at your job, there’s no coming back. Either you quit or you get fired. She prefers when people quit so she can blame them and not feel guilty. So she just increasingly treats people worse and worse until they quit in self defense.

I worked for her for a year. It was awful. I became an alcoholic and gained 25+ lbs.

I decided to go to law school.

I moved to New Orleans.

I made friends. I had an apartment all to myself. I had a life I actually enjoyed.

Then I graduated.

And I couldn’t get a job again.

(Of course, all of this is underpinned with my cyclical periods of intense illness, often accompanied by being hospitalized and missing long periods of school. In college and in law school, actually.)

(All the cocaine and drinking didn’t help either.)

(Ah, New Orleans. How I miss thee.)

So I ended up at the same firm again. Living with my parents. Again.

Then I passed the bar.

Now I’m doing the same work as my younger sister, for the same amount of money. (When she graduated from her masters program and was unemployed for 6 months, I convinced my boss to hire my younger sister again, and my sister to work for my boss again after a semi-disastrous summer job.)

(To be fair, while I’m technically a licensed attorney, she has a masters in education, so it’s not like there’s a massive education disparity here.)

(It doesn’t help that I’m barred in a different jurisdiction than the one my firm typically works in, so there aren’t any cases I can really work on as an attorney, and then on top of that my bosses don’t want to pay for malpractice insurance for me so I’m not allowed to practice as an attorney or put that I’m an attorney or call myself an attorney or even put in my letterhead that I’m licensed in the District of Columbia.)

Then there was a pandemic, and I decided I probably shouldn’t try to make a huge life change during a pandemic.

The pandemic is still fucking here. Nearly. Two. Years. Later.

So I guess I have to make a new plan.

Can I be a lawyer? I guess we’ll see.

I don’t really want to, though. I’m burned out and I wasn’t even practicing.

I want to move to a beach and write a novel and actually have a life I enjoy.

The problems with this plan are numerous. Not only is inertia an incredibly powerful enemy of mine, but I’ve lost all imagination.

I cannot imagine a future in which I am happy. Will I kill myself? Probably not, at least not for a long while. I’ve thought too long and hard about the long-lasting, far-reaching repercussions it would have. (Say what I will about my family, at least it’s always been clear that my death is NOT an acceptable outcome.)

I want to find my imagination again. I want to be able to imagine not only a future in which I am happy, but other futures, other worlds. I want to be able to dream, not only for me, not only for reality, but for unreality. I want to create worlds in my mind again, and allow them to take whatever shapes they wish.

I don’t know if I can. I don’t know if all those horrible teachers, all those “peer editors” in fucking elementary school were right, and my story ideas are hackneyed and overwrought.

Wouldn’t it be nice, though, if they were wrong. Wouldn’t it be nice, to start writing, and to find that my imagination didn’t go so very far.

It’s been hiding in the intertwined branches of a birch grove, slim and tall and ringing with laughter. In the space between stars. Down the path shaded with wisteria and jasmine and honeysuckle, where the scent and the heat and the humidity are so thick you can feel the heavy perfume coating your lungs. Tucked away, safe, waiting to peek out. Waiting to creep down the wrinkled bark of a huge old oak and wink at the little girl playing among its roots.

I hope it is there. I hope I can find it.

I’ll keep you posted.

This is my own personal void to yell into, after all.

#on writing #my life #a memoir lol

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crystalectomy · 3 years

Text

I call this piece “leaving the groupchat”

I'm starting off somewhat small - I removed myself from the groupchat. I haven't told anyone yet (and the group settings mean there will be no notification that I’ve done it, people will have to find out on their own).

I don't know yet the FULL extent of the backing-slowly-into-the-hedges I want to do with these people. I know, broadly speaking, that if I get invited to things from this group in the future there will be a few things I straight up say no to:

most get togethers at [A]’s house

any camping trips

most parties in general, esp hosted by [A], [B], [C] , or [D]

Things I might say yes to:

a concert w [B]

a boardgame night (occasional)

a park hang, bar hop, or outdoor festival (anything it's easy to bounce from)

Things I will be pleased to continue:

some kinda relationship with [C]

maybe a reconnection with [E] some day

My brother’s advice was to leave the group chat and only explain myself to anyone who asks about it. He said leaving it would be good for gaining closure (as opposed to just turning off notifications, which I've tried many times already). From what I've told him it seems I have every reason to do so -- he did not try even for a second to talk me out of it. He said he had a similar situation where he left/was cut out of a friend group a year ago and he has had absolutely no regrets at all.

He also said he thinks our Dad sticks too long with people / doesn't recognize when they've become harmful to be around, so if the goal is to not be like Dad (which, yes), then recognizing when to move on from people is one way to get there.

I'm doing everyone a favor here (probably too aggro a thing to say)

I've been reading about people who've broken up with friends or left friend groups and a familiar refrain keeps coming up -- friendships should be with people who you trust, who uplift you, who do not leave you feeling stressed and drained. I cannot say that about this group, as a whole, anymore. At all.

For a long time -- years now -- I've flirted with the idea of leaving the groupchat. It hasn't been a fun groupchat. A lot of it is people posting links and videos that I'm not interested in, giving life update announcements that don't need to be given in a group setting, or posting plan-making logistics, which always end up being a little awkward when some people can participate in them and others can't (which is always the case, b/c of awkward breakups in the couples of the group, east bay vs sf commute times, and now differing covid sensibilities and vaxxed/unvaxxed status).

All of that is innocuous enough, but if it's clutter, it's clutter. And there's no reason not to remove it.

So what made the group good if not the groupchat? The hangs. The drugs, the alcohol, the games. The concerts, the movies, the camping trips. Since we've had a forced year without those things, I've gotten a better look at what the core of this group feels like to be in without all that -- and it sucks.

So why not just ride it out until we can hangout in person again (which will be v soon!)? I guess I'm just feeling like a spring cleaning attitude about it. Like, maybe I can spend my precious time in the afterlife hanging out with people who I can feel close with emotionally as well as physically? Maybe now that I'm in a very different phase of my life than I was when I met them (turning-30-realness) I should cultivate relationships that fulfill me where I'm at now -- people I can share exciting work news, poems, and pictures of my cat with, yes, but also people I can unravel the secrets of the universe and the pros and cons of major life choices with.

I've spent a lot of the quarantine either in solitude or staying connected to / reconnecting with friends who make me feel good. Who listen to my advice, who give me advice and encouragement in turn, who share similar interests with me, who do not call me "unique " "weird" "soooo alternative" over and over again (either in admiration or jest). Who have understood and interpreted and lived out the COVID thing in similar ways as me.

And look -- I don't mean people who have had the same privileges necessarily! Some of the people I've gotten closer to were just as social as the folks in this group +/or worked jobs where they had to be on the frontlines and couldn't barricade themselves quite as much as me and my husband did. But they respected our decision to take as strict a stance on this whole thing as humanly possible, did not call us "sensitive" or "conservative" at any point along the way, and when they asked us to hangout, did so in ways that felt respectful of and empathetic towards our boundaries. It’s not that this group made different choices than I would have, it’s that they, by contrast to my other friends, treated me with judgment, derision, and disrespect for my decisions. I promise I’ve not done the same.

I'm purging a lot of things from my life right now. Leaving my toxic-ish job at the end of April. Trying to lose the last 5 lbs. Getting rid of as much clutter in the house as possible.

As I start to prepare and dream for a life outside of quarantine, I think about who are some of the first people I want to grab a drink with, go for a walk with, celebrate an occasion with. And for the most part, it's not these people.

Y'all are funny, interesting, intelligent, engaging, and a good time. But I don't feel like I belong here. And I often leave hangouts with the group feeling stressed or upset.

Moreso, in my life I feel I've gotten much harder. Cynical, crabby, pessimistic, aggressive, barbed, judgmental. Like, really had those parts of me take over. And I'm almost certain this group being my main group was a contributing factor. It's behavior that's, if not required, then encouraged to be a member here.

I thought about writing a message in the groupchat to explain myself instead of ghosting but a few things occurred to me:

9 times out of 10 when I try to be earnest or express any feelings that aren't straight up enthusiasm for something with this group, I feel ignored at best or patronized and shut down at worst.

given the pervading sense of devil-may-care cavalierness in this group, i figured most of you wouldn't notice/care anyway

I thought of folks like [X], [Y], and [Z] who have been in/out of this groupchat for years, all of whom have since faded away, and none of whom felt the need to say anything. Since there's a precedent, I figured I'd follow it

I'm extremely self conscious about this decision -- I'm worried it comes off as self-absorbed, self-righteous, selfish, etc. and I don't think I know a way to ensure it doesn't come off that way when trying to address it head on.

I'm kind of a coward about this kind of thing (awkward social interactions) anyway. So this is a kind of cowardly way to do it. It fits.

I've been thinking about doing this for so long that nothing anyone can say will convince me otherwise, so why invite a dialogue?

If anyone asks (which my husband assures me they won't):

“Oh, I left the group chat a little while ago, so if you're trying to reach me, specifically, text/phone call is the best way to do so. Email works too. No shade to you or anyone in particular, I just found the energy of the group as a whole to be kind of toxic, and have so for some time now (even pre pandemic).”

Then, maybe:

“I thought about saying something but I honestly couldn't think of what to say that wouldn't come off as arrogant or dramatic or weird. Maybe it's weirder to ghost... but I never seem to accurately gauge how people in this group will react to things I do and say, and I didn’t want to be misinterpreted and cause more stress. There's no good or codified way to leave a friend group, so I just did the easiest, path of least resistance way I could think of.”

And if there’s time:

“And that's the other thing, I didn't want to like, break up with any of you as friends. I'm not going to say no to every game night invitation or avoid people altogether IRL or anything. And I'm hoping and planning to have 1x1 or 2x2 hangs with some of y’all in the future. So I didn't want to invite any truly nasty energy between me and any of the individuals in the group. I'm just excusing myself from the overall 'zeitgeist' of the groupchat, and okay with probably getting invited to fewer outings as a result.”

Or at least:

“I didn’t mean to offend, I just did what I thought was best for me in a way that I hoped would cause the least amount of harm to everyone involved. And I did think long and hard about it, so at least I hope no one can say it was a completely thoughtless decision.”

I'm taking this impending re-entry into society thing as an opportunity to prioritize the relationships that have felt enriching, healthy, fruitful during it. And I’m excited to chase down hobbies and events at work, post pandemic, with the goal of making new friends who I can be more myself with.

#as usual I've over-thunk it

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