#i could write an actual thesis on this topic because i actually did

[worm-priest]

This is my hear me out moment

I think I will be a parasocial relationships defender for life because people tend to villanise the concept without really knowing how they work. People tend to think that parasocial relationships are only the instances where people stalk celebrities or want to kill themselves if their kpop bias reveals they are dating

But in reality parasocial relationships are classified by the idea that people in them are aware of the fact that these relationships are one sided and most people who interract with any celebrity fall in some way in a parasocial relationship. For a lot of people parasocial relationships are just a pretty healthy coping mechanism that lets them regulate their emotions by angaging with media they enjoy

This is just the natural effect of us using technology and our brains not knowing what a screen is. We know that the person isn’t actually talking to us but out brains don’t know this. Thats why we get attached to people in media.

The problem starts when the person in a parasocial relationship doesn’t know how to act in any social interaction online or offline. Because the parasocial relationship itself doesnt make you act “crazy” it just shows how you would act in any other relationships. Ofc they can become dangerous especially when people prey on emotionally unstable, socially anxious people to profit off of their emotional attachement (yes, kpop for example)

In a way its kind of like using substances. If you do it in moderation it can be fun and useful but relying on it too much can be harmful and take over your life

I would actually recommend reading any Tilo Hartmann’s publications on this topic because they’re super interesting

[hakugreenfinch]

when they said a masters thesis is more difficult than a ba thesis i didnt think they meant "nobody cares about your masters thesis"

[sneezypeasy]

Why I Deliberately Avoided the "Colonizer" Argument in my Zutara Thesis - and Why I'll Continue to Avoid it Forever

This is a question that occasionally comes up under my Zutara video essay, because somehow in 2 hours worth of content I still didn't manage to address everything (lol.) But this argument specifically is one I made a point of avoiding entirely, and there are some slightly complicated reasons behind that. I figure I'll write them all out here.

From a surface-level perspective, Zuko's whole arc, his raison d'etre, is to be a de-colonizer. Zuko's redemption arc is kinda all about being a de-colonizer, and his redemption arc is probably like the most talked about plot point of ATLA, so from a basic media literacy standpoint, the whole argument is unsound in the first place, and on that basis alone I find it childish to even entertain as an argument worth engaging with, to be honest.

(At least one person in my comments pointed out that if any ship's "political implications" are problematic in some way, it really ought to be Maiko, as Mai herself is never shown or suggested to be a strong candidate for being a de-colonizing co-ruler alongside Zuko. If anything her attitudes towards lording over servants/underlings would make her… a less than suitable choice for this role, but I digress.)

But the reason I avoided rebutting this particular argument in my video goes deeper than that. From what I've observed of fandom discourse, I find that the colonizer argument is usually an attempt to smear the ship as "problematic" - i.e., this ship is an immoral dynamic, which would make it problematic to depict as canon (and by extension, if you ship it regardless, you're probably problematic yourself.)

And here is where I end up taking a stand that differentiates me from the more authoritarian sectors of fandom.

I'm not here to be the fandom morality police. When it comes to lit crit, I'm really just here to talk about good vs. bad writing. (And when I say "good", I mean structurally sound, thematically cohesive, etc; works that are well-written - I don't mean works that are morally virtuous. More on this in a minute.) So the whole colonizer angle isn't something I'm interested in discussing, for the same reason that I actually avoided discussing Katara "mothering" Aang or the "problematic" aspects of the Kataang ship (such as how he kissed her twice without her consent). My whole entire sections on "Kataang bad" or "Maiko bad" in my 2 hour video was specifically, "how are they written in a way that did a disservice to the story", and "how making them false leads would have created valuable meaning". I deliberately avoided making an argument that consisted purely of, "here's how Kataang/Maiko toxic and Zutara wholesome, hence Zutara superiority, the end".

Why am I not willing to be the fandom morality police? Two reasons:

I don't really have a refined take on these subjects anyway. Unless a piece of literature or art happens to touch on a particular issue that resonates with me personally, the moral value of art is something that doesn't usually spark my interest, so I rarely have much to say on it to begin with. On the whole "colonizer ship" subject specifically, other people who have more passion and knowledge than me on the topic can (and have) put their arguments into words far better than I ever could. I'm more than happy to defer to their take(s), because honestly, they can do these subjects justice in a way I can't. Passing the mic over to someone else is the most responsible thing I can do here, lol. But more importantly:

I reject the conflation of literary merit with moral virtue. It is my opinion that a good story well-told is not always, and does not have to be, a story free from moral vices/questionable themes. In my opinion, there are good problematic stories and bad "pure" stories and literally everything in between. To go one step further, I believe that there are ways that a romance can come off "icky", and then there are ways that it might actually be bad for the story, and meming/shitposting aside, the fact that these two things don't always neatly align is not only a truth I recognise about art but also one of those truths that makes art incredibly interesting to me! So on the one hand, I don't think it is either fair or accurate to conflate literary "goodness" with moral "goodness". On a more serious note, I not only find this type of conflation unfair/inaccurate, I also find it potentially dangerous - and this is why I am really critical of this mindset beyond just disagreeing with it factually. What I see is that people who espouse this rhetoric tend to encourage (or even personally engage in) wilful blindness one way or the other, because ultimately, viewing art through these lens ends up boxing all art into either "morally permissible" or "morally impermissible" categories, and shames anyone enjoying art in the "morally impermissible" box. Unfortunately, I see a lot of people responding to this by A) making excuses for art that they guiltily love despite its problematic elements and/or B) denying the value of any art that they are unable to defend as free from moral wickedness.

Now, I'm not saying that media shouldn't be critiqued on its moral virtue. I actually think morally critiquing art has its place, and assuming it's being done in good faith, it absolutely should be done, and probably even more often than it is now.

Because here's the truth: Sometimes, a story can be really good. Sometimes, you can have a genuinely amazing story with well developed characters and powerful themes that resonate deeply with anyone who reads it. Sometimes, a story can be all of these things - and still be problematic.*

(Or, sometimes a story can be all of those things, and still be written by a problematic author.)

That's why I say, when people conflate moral art with good art, they become blind to the possibility that the art they like being potentially immoral (or vice versa). If only "bad art" is immoral, how can the art that tells the story hitting all the right beats and with perfect rhythm and emotional depth, be ever problematic?

(And how can the art I love, be ever problematic?)

This is why I reject the idea that literary merit = moral virtue (or vice versa) - because I do care about holding art accountable. Even the art that is "good art". Actually, especially the art that is "good art". Especially the art that is well loved and respected and appreciated. The failure to distinguish literary critique from moral critique bothers me on a personal level because I think that conflating the two results in the detriment of both - the latter being the most concerning to me, actually.

So while I respect the inherent value of moral criticism, I'm really not a fan of any argument that presents moral criticism as equivalent to literary criticism, and I will call that out when I see it. And from what I've observed, a lot of the "but Zutara is a colonizer ship" tries to do exactly that, which is why I find it a dishonest and frankly harmful media analysis framework to begin with.

But even when it is done in good faith, moral criticism of art is also just something I personally am neither interested nor good at talking about, and I prefer to talk about the things that I am interested and good at talking about.

(And some people are genuinely good at tackling the moral side of things! I mean, I for one really enjoyed Lindsay Ellis's take on Rent contextualising it within the broader political landscape at the time to show how it's not the progressive queer story it might otherwise appear to be. Moral critique has value, and has its place, and there are definitely circumstances where it can lead to societal progress. Just because I'm not personally interested in addressing it doesn't mean nobody else can do it let alone that nobody else should do it, but also, just because it can and should be done, doesn't mean that it's the only "one true way" to approach lit crit by anyone ever. You know, sometimes... two things… can be true… at once?)

Anyway, if anyone reading this far has recognised that this is basically a variant of the proship vs. antiship debate, you're right, it is. And on that note, I'm just going to leave some links here. I've said about as much as I'm willing/able to say on this subject, but in case anyone is interested in delving deeper into the philosophy behind my convictions, including why I believe leftist authoritarian rhetoric is harmful, and why the whole "but it would be problematic in real life" is an anti-ship argument that doesn't always hold up to scrutiny, I highly recommend these posts/threads:

In general this blog is pretty solid; I agree with almost all of their takes - though they focus more specifically on fanfic/fanart than mainstream media, and I think quite a lot of their arguments are at least somewhat appropriate to extrapolate to mainstream media as well.

I also strongly recommend Bob Altemeyer's book "The Authoritarians" which the author, a verified giga chad, actually made free to download as a pdf, here. His work focuses primarily on right-wing authoritarians, but a lot of his research and conclusions are, you guessed it, applicable to left-wing authoritarians also.

And if you're an anti yourself, welp, you won't find support from me here. This is not an anti-ship safe space, sorrynotsorry 👆

In conclusion, honestly any "but Zutara is problematic" argument is one I'm likely to consider unsound to begin with, let alone the "Zutara is a colonizer ship" argument - but even if it wasn't, it's not something I'm interested in discussing, even if I recognise there are contexts where these discussions have value. I resent the idea that just because I have refined opinions on one aspect of a discussion means I must have (and be willing to preach) refined opinions on all aspects of said discussion. (I don't mean to sound reproachful here - actually the vast majority of the comments I get on my video/tumblr are really sweet and respectful, but I do get a handful of silly comments here and there and I'm at the point where I do feel like this is something worth saying.) Anyway, I'm quite happy to defer to other analysts who have the passion and knowledge to give complicated topics the justice they deserve. All I request is that care is taken not to conflate literary criticism with moral criticism to the detriment of both - and I think it's important to acknowledge when that is indeed happening. And respectfully, don't expect me to give my own take on the matter when other people are already willing and able to put their thoughts into words so much better than me. Peace ✌

*P.S. This works for real life too, by the way. There are people out there who are genuinely not only charming and likeable, but also generous, charitable and warm to the vast majority of the people they know. They may also be amazing at their work, and if they have a job that involves saving lives like firefighting or surgery or w.e, they may even be the reason dozens of people are still alive today. They may honestly do a lot of things you'd have to concede are "good" deeds.

They may be all of these things, and still be someone's abuser. 🙃

Two things can be true at once. It's important never to forget that.

[trans-axolotl]

(Described in alt text)

okay I don’t always share photos of me on here but I graduated!!!! despite everything that happened in college (a year of online school, getting institutionalized for four months, almost getting kicked out of my university, becoming homeless, becoming a wheelchair user in the middle of writing my thesis, getting arrested halfway through my senior finals, etc etc etc) I still did it and I actually cannot fucking believe it. graduated magna cum laude with honors for my thesis, got inducted into two academic honor societies, and won the Dean’s award for commitment to social Justice.

I am so fucking grateful for everyone who helped this happen, especially to my comrades and fellow seniors who disrupted grad events with me.

when I was 18 one of the reasons I got diagnosed with psychosis was because I told the psychiatrist that I had just got accepted to university and he didn’t believe me. he told me I was severely mentally ill (true lmao) that I would never be able to live outside of an institution (less true) and that there was no way someone like me had been accepted to college, so the only explanation was that I was delusional. I wish I still had his contact info so that I could send him my diploma as a fuck you. a large part of why I graduated was BECAUSE of my schizoaffective and how that’s shaped me, the community I’ve found, the topics I chose to study, the way my mind works and builds connections. it feels deeply surreal to have actually graduated university as one of only two wheelchair users at my university and as part of the 1% of college students who have psychosis. most of the people in my family did not have the opportunity to attend college and it still does not feel real to me.

fuck my university and fuck admin for not divesting and fuck the discrimination I’ve experienced here over the years. I finished and I’m so fucking happy that I don’t have to come back!!!

[centrally-unplanned]

I have been seeing a bunch of buzz recently online about a possible "decline in value" of the ivy league+ degree - Nate Silver didn't start it but he certainly accelerated it. And while there is nothing robust you do see things like surveys of hiring manager opinions out there to suggest its possible, its not a crazy idea even if its far from proven. So assuming its real, why would it be happening?

1: This discourse is obviously happening because of the recent protests at top US schools - essentially its the idea that elite students are hyperpolitical, coddled, and out of touch with reality. This causal path should be very, very silly. The vast, vast majority of students at Columbia are not protesting. They don't really care about this topic! Sure, if asked, they agree Israel Bad Right Now, but otherwise they are busy with finals and job apps. This is of course equally true at most other schools, its just not a mass movement in that way (protesting to be clear rarely is). This is a specific instance of the general trap of selection bias - the visible students aren't the median ones.

Stacked on top of that is the second level of selection bias - the median protestor is not a business major or engineer! They are exactly the kind of students for whom being a politically engaged activist is *good* for their career, not bad, or at least neutral. Schools produce a large diversity of career outcomes, and those students self-select on how they spend their time, there is no "median" student to observe really.

And ofc all of this has to rest on the foundational reality that people are products of their context - jobless 20 year old's surrounded by young peers protest a bunch, that is what that context produces. The large majority of them will become mortgage-paying white collar workers by the time they are 30, this identity will not stick with them. If they become political activists it will, sure! But if you are the hiring manager for Palantir this isn't going to be the trend for your hires. There are "politically liable" hires out there but you aren't going to predict them via the sorting algorithm of "was at Columbia in 2024", that is for sure.

Now, as much as this is a silly idea, humanity are zeitgeist creatures - I can't actually reject the idea that, despite it being silly, hiring managers might use this moment to feel like they are "over" the Ivy League and start dismantling the privileged place their applications currently get. Cultural tipping points are vibes-based, and amoung elites (unlike the masses, who don't care much) Israel/Palestine has an awful lot of tense vibes.

2: Still, I don't think this is explaining those survey results people are throwing around, and I don't think its explained (very much at least) by the general "woke uni" trends of the past half decade. It is instead downstream of wider trends.

There was a time where companies really did want "the smart guy". You could major in English at Harvard, write a good thesis on Yeats, and be off to the trading desk in Chambers St two weeks after graduation. Those days are over - for complex reasons we won't get into - and nowadays people expect their new hires to be as close to experts in the field as they can manage. Students have internships, consulting clubs, capstone projects with real clients, specialized sub majors, the works. These are all ways of saying "signaling quality" has gotten more legible and more specific over time. Why would I choose a Harvard English major over a University of Illinois finance major who did a research internship with our specific Chicago firm on midwest agricultural derivates markets? Students like that exist by the bucketful now, and the Ivys cannot monopolize them. Partially because they choose not to; Columbia could actually say fuck it and make its school 90% finance majors, but they don't want that, they specifically recruit intellectually diverse students. Which means State School finance types will fill the remaining slots slots.

The other reason they can't monopolize is much simpler - numbers. The US has way more "elite" jobs today than it did in the past. Programmers and their adjacencies are the biggest growth sector, but everything from doctors to analysts to lawyers is all up up up. And do you know what isn't up? Undergraduate enrollment at elite schools! Columbia's has grown by like 10% over the past 20 years; Harvard's is essentially unchanged. For, again, reasons, these schools have found the idea of doubling or tripling their undergraduate enrollment, despite ballooning applications, impossible. Which means of course Microsoft can't hire from Stanford alone. So they don't, and they have learned what other schools deliver talent, and no longer need Stanford alone. The decline of Ivy Power is in this sense mathematical - if a signal of quality refuses to grow to meet demand, of course other signals will emerge.

I therefore personally think, while minor, the Ivy+ schools are experiencing declining status, have been for a while, and will continue to do so (though there are offsetting trends not mentioned here btw). But its structural way more than cultural.

[thefangirlfever]

The studious type (a Miguel O'hara fanfic, 18+, MDNI)

Summary: Boyfriend Miguel helping you relax during your finals week.

Tags: F/M, afab reader, College AU, established relationship, smut, oral sex (F. receiving), Miguel being a munch (because I can), use of condoms, masturbation, thigh riding, PIV penetration, fluff, soft Miguel O’hara, a bit of dirty talk, aftercare

Note: Finals are not the only thing coming… Very self-indulgent. My first time trying this format, hope you like it.

I am too tired and I don’t have much time, so please, accept this blurb instead of a real story ToT

============================================

Saying that you are anxious for your upcoming finals is an understatement. You keep on pulling all-nighter after all-nighter, taking micro nap sometimes, eating only instant noodles… Finals are really taking a toll on your physical and mental health. And it shows. You also start to get tired and more susceptible.

This doesn’t go unnoticed by your boyfriend, Miguel. Not only does he notice all of this but he also tries to help you as much as he can.

He also has to think about his own finals but that doesn’t stop him from texting you every day, making sure you’re eating enough, taking some naps and just to check on you in general. He is not really prone to public displays of affection or such things but he cares. And his way to show it is by his actions, as small as they may seem.

The two of you also had shared study session. It didn’t matter that you had different classes and majors. You would just keep helping each other, exchanging glances from time to time… And each time Miguel would feel you close to falling asleep, he would either tell you to rest or wake you up with a gentle nudge, depending on the time of the day.

Always brings your favorite snacks to make sure you have eaten at least one thing.

He doesn’t say it but you really amaze him. You’re always motivated, determined to do your best no matter what. One would even call you a perfectionist but that doesn’t bother him. He is really supportive of you in everything you make. You got a presentation? He’ll gladly listen to you as if he was your future audience. You could be talking about something he knows nothing about and he would still be 100% invested in your speech, asking questions afterward… You want to write a phd thesis? He got your back. You want to spend more time than it’s necessary on a paper because the topic matters to you? He will proofread you.

Needless to say, you gladly do the same for him. In fact he likes when you ask questions about what he is working on. And it’s actually endearing to see him geek out about things like dark energy, quantum physics and other things that would usually bore you to death.

After every study session, he walks with you to your bus/ subway station. You usually don’t talk much since you are both tired. Sometimes he would take your hand and slips his fingers between yours without saying anything about it.

Always texts you to make sure you did get back home safely.

You can be sure that the last day of your exam (or a few days after if his finals end later), the two of you will have one of your usual date nights.

Depending on how tired he is, he would either cook something or order take out. If he cooks something, you always make sure to bring something of your own. Even if he tells you that you don’t have to, he always ends up eating what you bring because he is a sweet tooth.

You’re usually too tired after finals to do anything else than just sitting on his couch, watching a movie the two of you probably already watched a hundred of times but that doesn’t matter. There’s something comfortable in what’s predictable.

And every part of this evening is predictable. From you falling asleep while the two of you cuddle to him gently playing with your hair in order to keep you awake. If it’s cold outside, you are wrapped under a warm blanket that covers each of your limbs. His hand that holds your waist slowly drifts to your thigh and draws lazy shape over it. He is not even thinking about it; it has become a habit of his.

Just like the way you nuzzle your face into the crook of his neck while wrapping your arms around his shoulders. Was it the most comfortable position? Not. Did you care? Also no.

The night would usually end with Miguel having to carry you to bed since you passed out on the couch.

NSFW content ahead

******************************************************************************

But sometimes the night would take an unexpected turn. All these days and even weeks spent studying had left the two of you filled with pent-up sexual frustration. And no alone time was the same as the intimacy you guys wanted.

You’re sitting on Miguel’s lap in front of the TV, but none of you are really paying attention to the movie at this point of the night.

He is too distracted by the scent of your hair since your head is so close to his face. His fingers playing with the locks of your hair are not enough for him. He has reached this part of the night where he wants more. He kisses the top of your head in an attempt to test the waters, see if you’re in the same mood.

He would make it look like it’s nothing, or an accident but the two of you know each other too well. After the third kiss, you understand what he has in mind. And you’ve been thinking the same thing all night long, if not longer. These last weeks have been nothing but frustration and you’re more than ready to give in.

You lean further into his embrace, clearly indicating your will to go further. You do this in a nonchalant way, as if it was nothing but he noticed the way your thighs brush against his and how you rest more of your weight near his crotch region.

The hand that was on your lower back supporting you slowly snakes up along your spine until it rests on the back of your neck. His free hand drifts toward your thigh to draw lazy shapes over it. But this time he is deliberately thinking about the moves he makes. His fingertips brush over you as if it was an accident once again, it’s barely a flicker.

The back of his fingers drag along the curve of your thigh, running over your skin until he reaches your knees. He repeats this movement over and over before gripping your thighs more intently. His fingers dig into your flesh, making you feel very aware of his presence behind you. He would usually use his thumb to draw small circles on your inner thigh, eliciting a trail of goosebumps all along.

While the two of you played this little game, you never look at each other. On your side, you still pretend that nothing’s happening, keeping your eyes on the TV but still pushing yourself more against him. He can feel your chest presses against his, your hair brushing his chin and at some point, you’re practically just sitting on his groin.

As the evening goes on, Miguel’s hands get bolder with his actions. He squeezes your thigh from time to time before eventually bringing it under your shirt, avoiding the spot you want him on on purpose. His warm touch on your stomach makes you squirm on top of him. The way your hips shift doesn’t help with his growing erection and his hand on your neck keep you in place, holding you in a careful but firm way.

Without saying a word, his fingertips dance their way over the curve of your belly. He makes sure to trace over the folds of your skin, of every roll on your tummy, to just explore and take in the softness of your belly. He can’t wait for the moment his face will make contact with it. Your skin is too smooth to resist it in his opinion.

You’re a blushing mess at this point and you don’t dare looking at what his hands are doing on you. Your breath gets a little more shallow with every stroke of his on your stomach. He leans closer and brings his face to the crook of your neck, nibbling your skin while making fun of you for not being attentive to the movie playing in the background. When he sees how flustered your are, he decides to act upon it.

“Got something else on your mind?”

You just nod your head and tighten your grip on his shoulder. But he has other plans for you. The hand behind your neck now grabs your waist and makes you sit still over his bulge. Your eyes are on the TV and your mind is on Miguel’s body.

His fingertips brush over your crotch, making you squirm more. Your butt rubs against his crotch and he can’t hide a smile this time. His fingertips barely tap over your crotch before his middle finger rubs over your slit. He then rubs two of his fingers over your groin, pushing his fingers against the fabric of your pants, rubbing his fingers in circle… When he gets too frustrated by the fabric covering you, he asks you if he can just take it off.

“Wanna feel you closer, muñeca...” That’s what he would usually whisper into your ear before kissing your earlobe. You can feel his warm breath, his voice almost shaking with desire as he toys with your zipper. A nod of you and your pants are pulled down your thighs. He doesn’t wait for you to remove them fully or even take off your underwear. His eager finger keeps rubbing you over the fabric of your panties until a damp spot appears in the front.

You lost the count of time as the minutes pass. You’re making a mess of yourself, rubbing yourself on him and when he finally pulls down your underwear and his hand cups your sex, the two of you let out a low moan. His fingers find their way through your bush and he rubs your labia, waiting for you to let him know when you’re ready to take him.

You bite down your lower lip and completely leans back against his body. He wraps his arm around you, holding you tightly and making sure you’re comfortable. Miguel then kisses your cheek. He rubs his nose against your skin, kisses your jawline before nuzzling his face in the crook of your nick, kissing and lapping at your skin.

The movie has already come to an end and in the silence of the room, your moans and Miguel’s heavy breath are the only thing that can be heard. His hooked fingers stimulate your clitoris and when you get comfortable enough, he starts thrusting them in and out of you, almost scissoring you.

He then brings his attention to your clitoris, rubbing it in slow motions. He can feel it throbbing under his fingertips and that makes him moan against the skin of your neck. His warm breath raises all the small hair on your nape and you’re getting hot and bothered. His words aren’t helping either.

“I’ll be damned if I don’t taste you before the end of the night. Been craving this pussy of yours for day now...”

When he catches you trying to relieve yourself of all the tension, he whispers “What are you doing?” There’s no anger in his voice, just pure astonishment. “You know you could just ask…”

The mischief in his voice doesn’t go unnoticed by you. He likes seeing you this needy and you can feel it. Your body writes on top of him and your shoulders slouch down when you whisper his name. You know what he wants to hear and you finally surrender when the teasing gets too overwhelming. “Please, Miguel…”

Your needy voice gets him to smile again. He leaves an affectionate kiss on the back of your neck before pulling his fingers out. He wouldn’t mind having his way with you here and there but he has more self-control than that. He gently kisses your shoulder before lifting your body up.

He usually carries you to the bedroom, helping you lay down the bed while the two of you undress. When your clothes are discarded on the floor and he is busy looking for the box of condoms in his nightstand, you take a good look at him. You watch his figure being drawn by the shadows in the room and your gaze lingers on his back. From his shoulders to the small of his back, your eyes trail down his spine. You smile when you see his back dimples and he catches you staring.

With a cheeky grin on his face, he gets back on the bed. You’re expecting a kiss but his lips land on your stomach. His face rests against your skin while he kisses you all over the smooth surface of your belly. Maybe it’s the scent of your lotion. Maybe it’s the way he can feel your breath catching up. Maybe it’s how close he is to your arousal and can literally smell it… he doesn’t know exactly what makes him love him love this moment but he never gets tired of kissing you there.

Of course he has to taste you after that. Each of his kisses send an electrifying feeling to your body and you can feel yourself growing more aroused. When he starts eating you out, you wrap your legs around his head and this feeling immediately gets stronger.

One of his hand holds your thigh while the other keeps teasing you. His fingers keep thrusting in and out of you while his tongue focuses on your clitoris, sucking and licking. When he feels you close, he keeps his pace steady, focused on only one thing. You. Your thighs quivering around his face, your hands holding his hair, your soft moans… He has waited too long for that and when you finally relax and release all the pressure inside you, he growls against your lips.

He quickly wipes your juice off his chin and gets up. His body towers over you, watching the aftermath of what he did to you. His thumb rubs over your sticky thighs and with his free hand, he brings his cock closer to you. You can see the red and swollen head of his member rubbing against your clit while a few moans escape his throat. He throws his head backward, his shoulders quivering as he feels himself growing more impatient.

He is still careful when he penetrates you, using a tad of lube to make this easier. And the fun part is that he gets to tease you more while rubbing it over your entrance. You wait patiently, at least you try, with your hands gripping the sheets while he gets you prepped up.

Everything feels worth it as soon as you feel him moving inside of you. He keeps his pace gentle, making the moment last as longs as possible. You’ve both been waiting too long for this for it to end too soon. Your limbs are entangled over the sheets and he melds into you. You brush away a few strands of hair from his face and he leans his cheek into your palm. His lips place a few kisses on your hand and even your wrist.

You both make sure to never break eye contact, reading on the other one’s face his emotions. He can see from your red cheeks and parted lips that you enjoy this moment. With one hand on your cheek, he leans closer and kisses the tip of your nose before whispering sweet nothings to you. It could be about how he likes your scent, your eyes, or even how good you feel wrapped around him…

Your hands travel down his back that you were admiring earlier and grabs his butt cheeks firmly when he starts to fasten his pace. You keep guiding him with not only your expressions but also your words. When he gets closer to his release, his shoulders lock tightly and you can feel every muscle on his body flex.

He is not really vocal in this moment and usually a few groans let you know that he reached his climax. However he likes hearing your small whimpers while your body writhes and arch under him. He watches you reaching your orgasm with a content smile before kissing your forehead, telling you how good you were.

The two of you stay in bed a few minutes after this moment. He doesn’t usually pull out immediately after, letting you feel him inside of your walls as his member gets back to its usual size. Even after that, you’re still locked together in a tight hug. He knows he will have to let you go at some point but for now he just wants to keep you inside his arms as long as he can.

The aftercare can vary depending on your mood. If the two of you are in a good mood or still feeling playful, you keep exchanging a few kisses. Miguel’s fingers keep running over the curves of your body, especially your stomach and your thighs. On your side, you like letting your fingers run down his spine until you reach the small of his back. Your fingers then brush against his skin in slow circles. He both loves and hates when you do that. You know he is very sensitive down there and he can’t hold back a few moans.

Some days he would help you get into your pajamas while kissing your shoulders and the back of your neck. You don’t speak that much these days but the silence is not awkward. It’s rather comforting. His fingers run down your hair and he can’t help but take in the scent of your curls. He watches you detangle your hair after a long day of work. This has easily become one of his favorite rituals of yours. When you’re done, his fingers run smoothly down your hair and he watches you in awe braid it, helping you when you ask for it. You can be sure that as soon as your nape is exposed, he will kiss it gently.

It usually doesn’t take long for the two of you to fall asleep after this. His arms are wrapped tightly around you, even though he knows you will probably move too much during your sleep for it to be really useful. But he doesn’t care and you nestle yourself against him.

==========================================

Note: This was supposed to be really short but I got carried away ToT

Thansk for reading.

[moongothic]

Tbh I wanna see crocodile fight someone so we can see how strong he is because the last time he’s gotten in a real fight was in marineford. Does crocodile have haki? Does he need it at all to survive the new world? Like with most of the relevant pirates knowing haki, retroactively or otherwise, it’s kinda hard to gauge what he’s capable of

Anon I am so sorry I'm gonna go slightly off-topic/become deranged because I've been thinking about writing a whole ass post about this very subject and now you just gave me an excuse to word vomit incoherently instead. So I'm just gonna do that. I'm so sorry

(Hey won't you look at that I actually came back and edited this so it's vaguely legible and there's like a proper point to my thesis lmao)

Also I am. So sorry. For how obscenely long this got. Holy shit I have no idea how this happened I am so sorry

I can not put into words just how badly I want to see this man have an actual, proper 1-v-1 fight with someone. Oda, for the love of god let him fuck up someone, please, I c̵͍͛r̶̢͠a̴͕̾v̷̠͆ḛ̶̐ ̸̤͝t̷̟̋h̷̳̓ḙ̵̀ ̷̱͌b̶͓͑l̸̦̚ô̶̠ȯ̸͇d̴̲̕

No for real though, the one, true, proper 1v1 we ever saw Crocodile have WAS with fucking Luffy and like, to be fair they did fight three times, but still, during Summit War? Sure we see him exchange a few blows but it's never a proper 1v1 because we keep on cutting from one thing to another and the opponents keep on changing etc. So there was no time for a proper battle with anyone

So out of principle alone I want to see him have a proper fight with someone (who isn't a Strawhat preferably) at least once before the series ends (though honestly if we could have more than just one fight scene with Crocodile I would not complain at all, but I might be asking too much at that point)

But also yes. I want to know Croc's actual Power Level in the story right now (and I don't mean that in a powerscaling-kinda way, just in a "I want my husband to look cool because it's what he deserves" kinda way)

Like. The Crocodile we've seen in the past absolutely under no circumstances deserves the fucking unit of a bounty he has on his head right now. And I mean, to be fair Buggy doesn't deserve his gigantic bounty either, canonically the numbers don't matter or mean THAT MUCH-- They just reflect what the WG thinks a person is worth, not the true level of threat the person actually poses But also. Croc's bounty has literally gotten like 24 times bigger from his OG pre-Shichibukai era bounty. To be fair, according to trivia his OG bounty would've at least doubled had the WG known about Baroque Works, but his current bounty would still be like 12 times bigger than before. And god fucking knows Crocodile does not fucking deserve a bounty this fucking big if he hasn't gotten any more powerful since Alabasta. No amount of hanging around with Mihawk and running evil organizations should beef up his bounty that much

So surely, he must've gotten more powerful since we last saw him action, right? Surely? Somehow?

But indeed, how?

And that's where we kinda get to the interesting part, don't we? We have no idea what Croc's been up to for the past two years. Like whatever he's been doing, surely it's been better than spending a decade sitting on his ass and barely ever lifting a muscle when overpowering rando pirates attacking Alabasta with his Logia powers, right. Like surely being in the New World alone would be enough to make him break a sweat for a change

But then like, the only two times we have seen Croc post-timeskip (pre-Cross Guild) he has been just sitting around reading the news (to be fair, the scenes were also about him catching the news about Luffy, it's not like he can't do anything else outside of those scenes). So like. I feel kind of conflicted, like on one hand to get stronger then surely he must've been working out or something. But also I do kind of mentally associate Training Arcs with much younger characters, and Crocodile is quite middle aged, like is he even allowed to go through a training arc anymore?? Especially when he's like a such a Proper Gentleman, it's so hard to imagine him to go back to the basics or anything

But also?? How else would he get stronger?? Like?? Maybe there really was?? AN OLD MAN TRAINING ARC??

But also, to be fair

Crocodile did make a big point about how he "keeps on honing and developing his Devil Fruit skills instead of stagnating like some other losers" back when he and Luffy had their first match. So I really would love it if Oda kept that actually true for the character, I'd love to see him actually whip out some new tricks, techniques and attacks instead of us seeing Sables again for the 839423th time

And really he can't really whip out new attacks if he hasn't at least tried to come up with new tricks (and preferably tried them out)

But that was just the basics right, Croc's Devil Fruit capabilities

Then there's the whole mystery of Crocodile's Haki Status. A whooole different can of worms. Considdering how the only actual damage he seemed to take during the entirety of Summit War was because of Jozu's Haki, and the fact that even fucking Blackbeard can use Haki now, it'd feel deranged if he doesn't have any kind of Haki capabilities. Like everybody knows Haki is going to be Croc's persona kryptonite, including Croc himself! And Haki Mastery really is The Thing that decides whether a pirate crew can actually make it or not in the New World (Kaidou made a specific point about that too). So surely, considdering Croc's supposed to be A Smart Boy and all, he knows he'll need to actually figure out how to use Haki if he doesn't want to lose another limb, right. Like surely he's figured that shit out, right???

Now people have been speculating for years if both Crocodile AND Moria used to be Haki users who lost their Haki after getting their asses kicked in the New World. Which, in theory would make sense, since Haki is essentially just willpower, and getting crushed the way they did would give them good in-universe reasons to why they didn't use the ability, as their traumas could translate to them losing their wills. But also it is willpower, that's not really a tangible thing you can really lose, and the idea of "Haki loss" isn't actually canon (yet at least). So although it's great fanon, we can't assume it's true. Like just as an example, we know Hancock can supposedly use Conqueror's Haki but we've never actually seen her demonstrate the ability

And to be fair to Croc (and Moria), the concept of Haki didn't really start to get Truly Solidified in the story until post-War, so expecting Alabasta!Croc to use it a whole decade earlier in real world time would be ridiculous since Oda hadn't figured out the system yet.

And while that is 100% true and fair.

Thing is. Although extremely vague, I do think Oda had been slowly starting to build the IDEA of Haki already in Alabasta. Like we know the concept gets properly introduced during the Skypiea Saga where Blackbeard both namedrops it and we get to see Observation Haki in action, under the name Mantra. But already in Alabasta, when Zoro is trying to figure out how to cut steel (to defeat Daz), that whole "breath of things" and hyper-awareness he gains when near death... I'm not the first one to point out how much that sounds like rudamentary Haki. And like, yes, on paper the idea of the battle was that Zoro became strong enough to cut steel. But also, learning to use Haki would be what would allow anyone to cut through a Devi Fruit ability like that. The same applies to Luffy's final attack on Crocodile too, his punch destroying the sand blade that before would've sliced his entire hand in half before is poetic on its own, but makes even more in-universe sense if you considder the possilibity Luffy might have subconciously been using Haki at the very end, his sheer willpower allowing him to punch Croc.

The reason I'm pointing all that out is that I kinda wonder if we might've gotten hints at Crocodile having not just Haki, but fucking Conqueror's Haki in Alabasta

This is based on two things:

First, Crocodile's pet bananawani. Yes, he could just be Really Good with animals and that would be adorable on its own. But we know Conqueror's can be used to intimidate and tame animals, including really fierce beasts. Keeping in mind that bananawani are meant to be one of the few species of animals that prey on Sea Kings, IDK, if you told me the reason Crocodile was able to tame them and keep them as pets thanks to Conqueror's, I would believe you. It's nothing solid, there's no proof one way or another, but it would make sense in-universe, it is plausible.

Second, this scene.

Does that blast of Ominous Air/Energy on the third page not remind you of one of those Conqueror's Haki shockwaves?

Of course, considdering Luffy was able to knock out Bon-chan with his untrained, uncontrolled Conqueror's in Impel Down (though to be fair, in the Impel Down scene Bon-chan was in rough condition anyways), if Crocodile was displaying his Haki here, either

A) Shit's real fucking weak or

B) He must've intentionally "kept it down" in this scene just to make sure his agents didn't actually pass out on the spot

But of course, if Croc had fullblown Conqueror's that he was able to control that well, you'd think he might've actually used it to subdue weaker enemies at some point or something (though, again, Hancock also supposedly has it and we haven't seen her use it, and if we had seen him use it on Luffy or something then the story really would've ended in Alabasta). So if that really was Conqueror's, I'd personally maybe rather lean on it being weak as hell (especially if Haki Loss was canon) over him having perfect control over it

Of course, just because that ominous blast of air in hindsight might resemble a weak ass Conqueror's Haki Blast, it doesn't mean that's what it was. Just like with the Bananawani example, there's nothing solid here to go off of, it's just plausible

(Also just for clarity's sake, Crocodile doesn't need Conqueror's Haki. I just think there could be evidence to suggest it if you overthink it just right)

All of this to say

Regardless of what Croc's Haki Status was during Alabasta and Summit War, the fact is that the dude really does kind of need Haki just to survive in the current storyline. So if he can't use ANY KIND OF HAKI, I'm just gonna be speechless. Like Luffy could kill him by just farting on him at that point Not to mention I'd actually love to see the Haki Loss-concept explored in the canon. Like either have it debunked, or somehow confirm it's a thing and show off what a horrifying threat Crocodile can be when he's actually putting his everything into a fight (same for Moria btw, if all he has to protect rn is Perona I'd love to see him go apeship and use Haki to protect her)

BUT THEN THERE'S A WHOLE DIFFERENT DIRECTION WE COULD GO WITH CROCODILE'S POWER LEVEL

OH DID YOU THINK I WAS FUCKING DONE WITH THIS POST? NO, WE'RE STILL FUCKING GOING MAN

So I've seen a lot people speculate about Logia Awakenings and what they could be like. Most people seem to agree on the theory that Punk Hazard being the way it is could be a result of two awakened Logias (namely Akainu and Aokiji) clashing. Similarly that Enies Lobby could be where an Awakened Light Fruit did a thing in the distant past, causing the eternal daytime on the island

I'm not sure I'm entirely convinced that's what Logia Awakenings will be like (some people have also suggested Enel's Final Form was a Logia Awakening, which I kinda doubt but okay), it's a neat idea in any case, we'll just have to wait and see what Oda has cooking for us

Regardless. On a mere narrative level, if they're even possible then I think it'd be cool as hell if Crocodile could act as an introduction to Logia Awakenings and what they're actually like. Because, depending on the role the bastard is going to take going forward, it could prepare us and Luffy for what's to come with Akainu (the real threat)

And again, depending on his role in the story, I think he could be an actual candidate for someone who could deserve to be Awakened-- like the whole Awakening State is sliiightly OP, and Logias are also kind of OP by default. So between OG Croc being kinda weak as hell (by current standards), but also him being an experienced pirate who's known his abilities for god knows how many decades... IDK I think he could deserve The Honors, y'know?

Like compare him to someone like Sabo or Blackbeard who got their Logias only recently and are still learning to use their abilities (more or less). If either of those fuckers somehow Awakened their Logias before Sir Fucking Crocodile I'd be kinda pissed off y'know?

The Admirals are kinda OP to begin with anyways too, I kinda just don't want Smoker to get The Honor of being the first on-screen Awakened Logia either, and really that would leave us with like... Ceasar and Enel as our only remaining options

And Dragon, if he does have a Wind Logia (which remains to be seen)

So. Yeah. If Logia Awakenings can be a thing, I think Crocodile could be the perfect guy to actually introduce them in the story (depending what his role will be).

All of this nonsense to say

Mr Oda, please, I would like to see Sir Crocodile in action pwease

And I want to know what the hell that weird spike thing was

Mr Oda please, I wish to see the Husband and see what kind of tricks he can do now after all these years, please allow him to commit a murder or two or three

[physalian]

Tackling Characters with Mental Health Issues (or, ‘Write What you Know’)

**Trigger warning for this entire post**

This is completely off the cuff and unplanned but here we go. I just read a book that POV switches between its two romantic leads. One of these leads was intended to be written with a severe case of generalized anxiety. I have confirmation from the author that it’s not an author-insert. This character was entirely based on research, not experience.

Without putting them on blast, because they really did try…. While ‘neurodivergent’ or ‘mental health disorder’ isn’t a protected class, it should still fit squarely under other topics you shouldn’t write about if you don’t experience it with a massive asterisk.

TL;DR: If you yourself aren’t part of X minority or suffer Z physical or mental disability, you should not be barred from writing characters with those traits. ***HOWEVER*** writing these characters struggling, suffering, or overcoming this given trait in a pro-cis, straight, white, neurotypical, able-bodied America is not yours to touch.

This suffering isn’t your story to profit off of, when you didn’t actually suffer any of it.

I cannot remember who said it and I am absolutely paraphrasing but for example: White authors can and should include characters of color (and I am a White author). White authors should *not* write about a character of color as their protagonist experiencing bigotry, discrimination, hate crimes, and all that hardship, at the hands of white society. It’s just not your story to tell, and all the research in the world will never give you the lived experience you need to do it justice.

Like, you can write about the concept of slavery existing in a fantasy novel. Or sci-fi. Or some Alternate Universe historical fiction. You cannot write about the American slave trade like you lived it and still suffer the ramifications of it when you didn’t, especially when it is the thesis of your entire book.

Anyone remember that awful Amazon movie, My Policeman? Based on a book written by a straight, white woman whose straight female lead took an entire narrative to whine about how she was jilted by her gay husband and his gay lover who she got arrested and institutionalized so she could keep her husband… and never told them? With the predatory 3rd love interest and the whole ‘liar revealed’ and… yeah. That one.

Unless you do the work very few authors are willing to do, with permission and encouragement and a backing from whatever minority you’re writing about and their stamp of approval that you knocked it out of the park, just don’t. Save yourself the headache.

—

As I read this book, and this entire character’s arc is about her mental health, for 100k words… why would you *want* to take on that responsibility? Why would you want to take on all that extra research, all the stress of making sure you get it right, all the costs of hiring sensitivity readers and the risk of your character falling apart with readers who do fit these traits?

Characters with mental health problems are very, very tricky to get right for one massive reason: Accurately depicting many disorders and anxieties means your character can come across as extremely unlikeable, uncompelling, confusing, and frustrating. These characters won’t make logical choices or arguments, they’re likely to self-sabotage, contradict themselves, argue in circles, and die on molehills they think are mountains. This is just what anxiety does to people in the real world. We are not always compelling protagonists, and we don’t always get happy endings.

Writing illogical characters takes a lot of practice if you yourself are not an illogical thinker and if you’re writing half a book elbow-deep in 3rd person limited, intimately trying to describe how this disorder impacts their daily life, you, my friend, have so much more work cut out for you than you anticipated.

So why?

It got very sticky very quickly when the message I took away from the book was “character A can love away character B’s anxiety” and that just… it’s just not how it works. That is a very dangerous mindset to have, for both parties involved.

Character A does not exist to “fix” Character B, nor should A exist to be B’s therapist.

Making A B’s “medicine” can encourage some dangerous codependency. Especially if they break up, B backslides and spirals, and A takes on guilt for not being there anymore, as if any of this is A’s fault.

It says that ‘curing’ anxiety just takes a little romance. Which. No. B has to love themselves, first, before they’re able to love anyone else or let anyone else love them.

It got stickier when the author accidentally wrote a trauma-induced ace who wanted to start liking sex to please her partner and not for her own peace of mind (with internalized self-hate for her anxieties around sex as if not liking it after a traumatic experience isn't completely justified), as if she wasn’t good enough with the boundaries she had. And the narrative backed it up because she was *cured* after a couple rounds in the sheets—I worked really hard on my Ace character guide to help stop people from doing this.

Had Character A accepted these boundaries B had, and these two come to a creative compromise around intimacy that B does like, it would have been so much healthier. B liked making out, just not being the 'recieving' partner, while A chose to die on a 'if we can't have the sex I want, I can't be in a romance with you' hill and it just broke my heart for B. B wasn't being picky. B was traumatized.

The worst thing you can do to your ace character is a) reinforce the idea that they’ve failed as a human because they don’t like sex and b) reinforce the idea that they “just haven’t found the right person yet” and this narrative hit both in the bullseye.

The author wasn’t trying to write an ace, I can tell, but aceness aside “good sex is the best cure to your sexual trauma” is… also, not great? If you yourself didn’t experience this? The point of all of this was clearly to attempt exposure therapy, it just got so bogged down with other problems that the nuance necessary to stick the landing was completely lost.

If this was fantasy, like Twilight, with Bella’s dangerous codependency on Edward in New Moon, mental health is not the point of that book. The author didn’t set out on a mission to provide respectful representation of depression and healthy relationship goals. It’s toxic as hell, but it also takes a backseat to the actual story and the audience who loves those books couldn’t care less about how toxic it is.

The books aren’t about Bella overcoming her depression. They’re about sparkly vampires and the dangers of… teen pregnancy?

It got even *stickier* when the character revealed she’d apparently been in therapy for a decade and a half, only for her therapist to shrug and go ‘I guess you’re stuck with it’ while her mental health issue became a physical health issue, because she should have had a crippling eating disorder that the narrative didn't at all take seriously.

Why would you want the stress of writing this?

—

I am not at all saying you can’t write anxious characters if you yourself are not anxious. But make that an ingredient of the pie and not the entire pie, yeah?

Ask yourself why you’re doing this. The fundamental argument of that book seemed to be “anxiety can be loved away” and from the very first page, it was doomed. That was the book’s thesis. The entire story hinged on the success of this depiction.

I can’t even be mad, because it wasn’t intended to be harmful, but it inadvertently reaffirmed so many dangerous and incorrect assumptions and stereotypes about mental health. Good intentions historically do not guarantee good results.

If you do not suffer from anxiety, you are still allowed to write a character who experiences it (Or OCD, specific phobias, BPD, what have you). I tip my hat to anyone willing to do all the work to get it right because those are all tall orders, but you aren’t blacklisted from these characters.

But with any minority, anyone who isn’t “cis, straight, white, male, neurotypical, and able-bodied” write a character who is also X, instead of an X stereotype, who happens to be your character.

[annikin-annotates]

hi,

if you write head canon would you be willing to write an aemond x female reader with never diagnosed or treated ADHD? feel free to ignore if that's weird.

thank you.

Hiya!

It’s not weird at all! I’m actually a Psych student with undiagnosed ADHD, who is also writing her thesis on ADHD in the medieval ages so this is very much up my alley!

It’s actually a rather interesting topic! People with ADHD were more often than not sent out as crusaders, explorers and hunters due to their restlessness but also because they were so alert all the time. Making hunting and traveling long distances easier! So in order to keep small folk with ADHD occupied, they would be given jobs outside like working the field or things that involved a lot of hyper focus such as blacksmithing.

I hope you enjoy what I wrote, I also hope it brings some catharsis; But without further ado! Reblogs appreciated

Pairing: Aemond X ADHD!Reader

Word Count: 926

Warnings: Mild panic attack, Sensory overload.

You had always known that you were different.

It started when you had trouble focusing in your studies - preferring to live in the confines of the world in your head.

your siblings had called you boring and scatterbrained. The constant restlessness ate away at you.

but it wasn’t your fault - truly, you couldn’t help it. your mind raced all the time, like there were a million voices overlapping each other. All fighting to be heard at the same time.

When you reached the age to be introduced to court you were sent to King’s Landing.

And that’s when you met him Aemond Targaryen - The second son to the most powerful house in all seven kingdoms.

And he liked you.

you began courting with the Prince rather quickly after that, you were elated that you got to spend more time with him. but there was that voice whispering in the back of your head at all times.

He will leave you when he figures out who you really are - It whispered cruelly.

The first time he noticed it was while on a stroll in the gardens - you picked the cuticles of your nails. It was so subtle he almost didn’t notice it; it reminded him of his mother.

But once he did - he started seeing more things you did.

You were unusually quiet compared to the other young women at court, leaning more towards your own company save himself and a few other maidens at court.

A lot of the times when he would seek you out you would be in the library staring out the window with a far off look in your eyes.

You forgot things - a lot. Not that Aemond minded, he was by your side most of the time between his princely duties.

There was a banquet one evening - you had expressed to your friend at court how you did not enjoy those types of gatherings.

“I think I shall just stay in for the night, you know I prefer my own company”

Your friend would not take no for an answer, insisting that you simply must attend, that there would be revelry, drinking, dancing and food. So you caved to your friends whims.

You felt ill the second you stepped through the threshold, though you tried to shake it off - a goblet of wine may help dull the roiling in your stomach.

It did not.

you had originally planned to make your way to Aemond right away, you felt safe with him at the very least.

Your friends had other plans, instead pulling you to the dance floor. Just looking at the swirling dresses and smiling lords and ladies made you feel sick - but you pressed on.

You tried to dance and be happy with your friends, and you were for a while. But things quickly became too much.

The hall became stiflingly hot, your clothes felt like they weighed more than they did before. Your skin felt like it was trying to crawl away from you - the sticky feeling of sweat clinging you you.

The overwhelming sounds in the room became too much, you could hear lords chewing their food and ladies cackling too loudly.

Your friends tried to pull you back to the dance floor, but you shook their hands off you - it was all too much, just like you had said.

Heat rose to your face, your ears burning in both anger that your friends did not listen to you. And that familiar feeling of embarrassment that you couldn’t control how you felt. It was as if your brain was racing and your heart was trying to crawl from your chest.

“Leave me be! I told you that I did not want to come here and you made me!”

You searched for the exit, pushing open the doors to the hall quicker than the guards could. darting down the hall and to the library where you finally felt safe.

It was quiet - the tension slowly releasing from your body as you sat in one of the plush high backed chairs, tucking your knees to your chin. A few tears and a strangled cry escaped from your lips, all of the emotions finally coming out.

“I thought I might find you here - what is the matter my sweet girl?”

Aemond had seen the whole thing from where he sat at the table on the dias. He watched as you quickly became unsure of your surroundings, seeing the panic set in broke his heart. but by the time he got to you, you had already made your escape - so he went straight to the place he knew you would be.

Quickly wiping the tears from your eyes and uncurling your legs so you could stand, he shook his head as if to say ‘please, just sit. You are okay.’

He knew that when you were like this - being touched was the last thing you wanted.

So he simply sat across from you, his hand upturned and outstretched for you to hold it if you so wished.

Soon you had calmed enough to get up and kneel in front of him, laying your head in his lap.

His hand softly stroked your hair in a soothing manner.

“I do not understand what is wrong with me, Aemond.”

He let out a soft sigh.

“There is nothing wrong with you my love, people don’t understand you. but they don’t have to - because I do. And as long as you are with me; you are safe.”

Taglist: @adelusionalwriter @arcielee @hopelesswritergall @princesssszzzz @whoahoney

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

Re: your post about JohnandPaul. If you do wish to share them, I'd love to know your headcanons about John and Paul's feelings for each other. ( I do get your discomfort about sharing though and yeah, I also miss the long discussions and metas from back when Get Back came out. It feels like, except you and some others, most of my favorite blogs have moved on from the fandom)

I've been sitting on this ask for several days now.

First of all I hear you, re:blogs moving on. It's understandable, but it's also sad when my brain does not want to give this stuff up any time soon lol.

In my post I talked about having specific headcanons about their feelings for each other, but the truth is, it's more like I imagine hundreds of very specific somewhat plausible scenarios, while not actually fully buying into any of them.

I always struggle with how sure people are of some definite timeline of McLennon because I just don't see how it's in any way clear: the most compelling evidence that at least John had Those Feelings™ for Paul is stuff he said after the fact (compiled with the stronger case for John being attracted to men in general) – so, if I choose to interpret his words in that way, I'm still not very close to knowing when he developed this attraction. Let alone concluding anything substantial about Paul's feelings.

(And no, I really don't find the two of them saying the other looked good when they met particularly compelling. Appearance plays a huge role in first impressions, regardless of attraction.)

So I guess, it's more that I have open questions I return to again and again, for which I try to construct hypothetical answers that make sense to me. Aside from that bigger timeline question, here's a few more specific ones:

From what I've gathered researching the topic, listening to psychonauts speak about their trips, the acid mindset very much romanticizes all forms of human connection (among other things). I think that's probably what was going on during those "I know."–"I know." sessions John and Paul had on LSD. With that in mind, how might that have mixed in with John trying to understand how he felt about Paul? Could it have confused him? Opened him up to the idea? "Appeased" him for a while? (and again, the answer here would depend on the timeline of feelings in the end)

I still lean towards "Paul is not meaningfully attracted to men" (or at least "Paul valued other aspects of his relationship with John much more than physical attraction") – with that in mind I do kind of ask myself what Paul thought his relationship with John was exactly. Like, I don't pretend it was a standard, run-of-the-mill friendship, so I wonder a lot what his end-goal was, how he saw both of them continuing into later stages of life. The way he talks about the breakup, equating John choosing Yoko with John leaving Paul, speaks to something somewhat true about most couples that marry – but why did he not anticipate that before? What was different? Also, for $20 don't copout with "hurr hurr cause Cyn didn't matter"

Paul's various takes on The John Question continue to puzzle me. On the one hand, it sort of seems to me like Paul would have had enough context clues at the time to get that John was attracted to men, because some of our evidence for it is evidence he would have had access to – he also indicated at least once that John was in fact kind of openly bicurious??? (note: that rant keeps me up at night. Could write a whole thesis on it and also it's so fucking funny) On the other, Paul is pretty insistent that the rumours are Not True and he's not actually the only person to shoot them down like that. (May Pang, Julia Baird, Tony Bramwell, Hunter Davies off the top of my head) It shouldn't be a stretch of the imagination that a man born in the 1940s might have trouble rearranging the image he's made of his dead best friend so drastically (or in a way that might feel drastic to him). So what is it? Is Paul obfuscating the question to protect John's reputation/because he thinks the curiosity is in poor taste or does he genuinely not buy into it? I'm not actually sure whether he's weighed in on this since Yoko's "John Was BI!!!!" reveal. Has this stance developed over the years? And if I assume Paul does know about John's sexuality: does he in fact think John had feelings for him? I do think this is a thing he would never talk about if he did so it feels like there would be no way of knowing either way. But it also makes me wonder about the barriers he might have set up in his head to avoid that very question – because the truth is that if John had Those Feelings™ for Paul and Paul never knew, that's sort of the second-worst case scenario from Paul's perspective, right after John having never liked him in the first place.

AND THEN THERE'S JOHN. Because just because Paul may not have picked up on it, doesn't mean John wasn't putting anything down. But he could also very much have been sending mixed signals from his own end, right? And again, acid mindset + mid 60s Free Love shit: in that culture, how much could John making advances be perhaps taken as Flowery Friendship? Did he justify it to himself that way? Or was John actually violently shoving all of that down? Was he truly capable of that?

It really never ends – I'm not certain of ANYTHING, but give me a proposal (ie. "In My Life is about Paul") and I'll talk myself into circles exploring the ins and outs of that hypothetical.

[psapphic95]

I was wondering if you could write something about Regina climaxing just from nipple tugging alone. It was mentioned in Baby Girl’s Whore and god it just sounds SO hot. Also I recently found you on AO3 and holy shit I love literally everything you’ve written. 💟💟

Insomnia was not often an issue for Emma. By the end of the day, she seemed to always exhaust herself enough to fall right to sleep by about 11:30pm. Between studying, cycling, and all the athletic sex she and Mommy had, she needed her rest and found that sleep normally descended on her faster than it did for Regina. 

That, of course, was unless she was stressed or anxious about something. 

Her assignment in her Contemporary African Literature class was due in five days, and she still could not pin down her thesis statement for the essay. She chose a complex topic to research and intense literature to read, which normally made it easier for her to pull out a legitimate line of argument. However, when she read her essay back, just before bed, she recognised that it fell a little…flat. 

It had been four hours since the couple had technically gone to bed, and now at 3am, Emma finally accepted that she should stop obsessing and force herself to sleep. Naturally, it was easier said than done. Every time she’d close her eyes for a few moments, she’d get frustrated that she wasn’t immediately falling asleep. Stuffing her pacifier in her mouth and snuggling closer to Regina didn’t help as it usually did, and so Emma went to her last resort. 

It wasn’t her last resort because Regina didn’t like it. Quite the opposite, actually. Mommy loved that Emma could self-soothe through breastfeeding, even if she wasn’t awake. Emma was always reluctant to do so, just in case it woke Regina up. 

But, they were desperate times - the blonde had a 10am class in the morning. 

After shuffling around carefully in Regina’s arms, Emma got herself into a position where she was at mouth level with Mommy’s breasts. The silk camisole that Regina wore had ridden up slightly in her sleep, so Emma only had to inch it up a little higher to expose Mommy’s chest. 

They had nursed earlier in the evening, so Emma didn’t expect Mommy to be producing much. Still, in an attempt to comfort herself, she snuggled up close and ran her thumb over Regina’s nipples to harden them before she slipped one into her mouth. With her free hand, she reached up to gently tug on the nipple on Mommy’s neglected breast. It was a habit, another method to pacify herself, and stimulate the milk flow for when she finally moved onto the other breast. 

After a few minutes of gentle suckling and tugging, Emma felt Regina’s hips jerk forward and a small moan tumbled from her parted lips. Emma’s eyelids had begun to droop, and she just needed a few more minutes until she would also join Mommy in dreamland. 

However, Emma was awoken slightly when Mommy let out a louder moan, and a gentle hand came to cradle the side of her face. 

“Oh God, baby…” 

“Mommy?” Emma’s little head popped up from beneath the blankets. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you, I–”

“Bite my nipple…please baby girl,” Regina’s voice was raspy with sleep, though her hand grasped a handful of Emma’s hair. “I’m so close…” 

[earlgrey24]

I recently read a fascinating book chapter in which the author makes a compelling case for defining a subset of historical despressive conditions specifically related to the struggles of queer men (he calls it "homodepression", which is not a very elegant word to my ear, but it gets the point across). He mentions that, at the time of writing, there was no comprehensive survey of depression and related conditions for the 18th century – but, since you've just written a thesis about it, that might have changed! Do you happen to have some reliable resources you could share on the topic?

For interest, the chapter is Rousseau, G. (2003). “Homoplatonic, Homodepressed, Homomorbid”: Some further genealogies of same-sex attraction in western civilization. In Love, Sex, Intimacy, and Friendship Between Men, 1550–1800. Palgrave Macmillan.

Thank you for the ask!

Firstly – let me just say that I'm kind of obsessed with the chapter's title, kind of a love-hate situation. I'll definitely give it a read once I get home! (It is especially interesting for me since I'm convinced that a queer reading of my primary text is possible. I haven't brought it up because academia in CR still can be quite conservative sometimes but I've definitely danced around the subject a bit. I may post more about it here after my defence to get it out of my system?)

Regarding your question – I mostly centred my analysis around few selected philosophical texts in my actual thesis, but I should have a folder on my laptop from back when I did background research. I can definitely look into it once I get home!

I can also ask my supervisor, he's bound to have much more resources than I do and I feel like I need to refresh my memory about the historical context before I defend anyway. I'll be sure to let you know!

Right now, without the access to my laptop, the one thing I can say that could potentially help is that like so many things, it may be an issue of language.

My research is technically about 'hypochondria'. That can be confusing because the meaning of the word has shifted quite a bit from the 18th century, but I've made a case that there's a great deal of overlap between hypochondria and the current understanding of depression, based on the current diagnostic criteria for depression. The word 'melancholy' was also sometimes used to refer to a similar idea. If can get quite blurry though, authors are often playing a bit fast and loose with the concepts.

So, searching for a review of either melancholy or hypochondria in the 18th century could (hopefully) yield some interesting results! I'll get back to you with links to potentially interesting articles once I get home/talk to my supervisor.

[bebe-thewriter]

She's Cute   Chapter: 1

~content warning~ this is an x black reader story ofc you can read if your not black or p.o.c but keep in mind that i refuse to make it “more acommedating” for you, go find all the millions of stories with white main gyals. 

~Note~ I'm here with a little diff. So once again we have a bimbo black reader buttttt she’s still smart obvi. Also the reader gets sent to a different dimension so I hope y’all enjoy!!!!! -BeBe🧘🏾‍♀️

~pairing~ Benimaru Shinmon x black reader :) enjoy! 

“Just a little reminder ma’am, we will be closing in 5 minutes.” The librarian said in a soft tone. “Yeah ofc I’m sorry for holding you up, I know first hand about wanting to get out of work” I say with a nod.

The librarian starts to slowly look down at my books with a tilted head interest. “Spontaneous combustion huh, I remember when I was younger and it was the biggest issue at the time, not global warming, or bullying. I’m so happy the younger generation is taking an interest in our past.” The older woman says.

“Oh it’s just for a research paper, I honestly don’t see the big deal with it, seems pretty avoidable if you ask me.” I say with a shrug. “Oh really, I understand your thought process since you weren’t physically there, but maybe you’ll gain more knowledge about the subject.” She says with a smile.

“Maybe” I say, knowing damn well I just want an A in my class.

After I check out I head home to get started on my project.

“Ok y/n just start this stupid project, just write a thesis and one counter argument and then you can reward yourself with a coffee in the morning.” I say rushing up the stairs.

But suddenly I started falling backwards and then….. I black out.

(Sirens start ringing)

“Ahhh a inferno” “please step away from the train!” “SOMEBODY HELP HER”

My eyes start to slowly flicker open to the loud sound of screaming.. multiple screams. When I finally come to, I see an actual monster looking down on me with big flames coming out of it.

“Umm hey buddy, I don’t exactly know what I said or did to you but I’m sorry??” I say it . “Arghhh” it said back. “Wtf did you just say to me, I’ll actually throw hands bro” I say posting up to it. It roars again and I see my life flash before my eyes.

But before the monster could strike, I felt myself being lifted out of harm's way. “Are you ok miss, I’m sorry I’m so late.” I slowly open my eyes to a sharp smile and short black hair. “I’m ok, you came in the Knick of time. Thank you ummm-“ “ Shinra, my name is Shinra.”

Before I can reply I see 5 more people arrive on the scene and proceed to take down the flame monster. “Good job in successfully rescuing the civilian Shinra.” A man with a VERY developed body praises the young boy, who for some reason still has you scooped up in his arms.

“It’s my job as a fire soldier sir!” Your body tensed. ‘What the hell, fire soldier? This is exactly like my project topic’ you think. ‘There’s no way I’m here in the past? WTH is happening.’

“Ms. Are you ok?” The man asks. “Just like what I told Mr. Shinra I’m fine.” I say. “Just checking again! My name is Obi. Nice to meet you.” He flashes a bright smile.

“My name is y/n nice to meet you.” You reply. “I know what you experienced was incredibly scary, I hope we can repay you for getting here a little late.” He says with apologetic eyes.

You think for a second, this is a golden opportunity for your school project! “I have to pay you back... Please allow me to!” you say. The man who you've just figured out is named Obi. “Hmm.. Well, we do need some help around the base. unfortunately our whole unit is terrible at cooking haha.” Perfect, this is exactly what you wanted. 

“Yes i accept!'' I say with a big smile. “Shinra, Arthur this young lady will be bunking with you, do not make her uncomfortable in any shape or form. If she says you have harmed her in any way I will tie you upside down to a pole and use you for target practice.” a man with glasses spits. 

“YES SIR.”  “sorry miss (y/n) you can't exactly get settled in right now because we were currently going to a meeting with some newly made colleges of ours.'' Shinra explained that they fought very hard for the respect of their peers and they finally got it along with a new source of intel. 

“We're here.” I stepped out of the train to see the most beautiful town known to man, “Whoa,” I said , witnessing the beauty of the town called Asakusa It was truly magnificent. “That's what everyone says when they first see this town. It's our pride and joy!” i turn around to the voice that just spoke. It was a man no older than 35, muscular, he wore bandages around his whole body, and contained a prominent scar on the bridge of his nose.

“Im Konro, you must be new to the 8th i've never seen you before.” he says with a smile on his face. “Oh yes, yes im (Y/N) the new…. Intern” you replied slowly not knowing what your actual role is yet. You two chat some more until you realize that up close he's incredibly attractive. Like actually. You slowly start to inch closer to him, enough to feel his warmth radiating off his skin. ‘God i dont know of it because he's a fire soldier or if its the fact that he's really hot’ you think. 

Konro picks up on this and inches closer to you as well. So close that you can feel his breath on your ear. You lean forward a bit to hear what he has to say. “(Y/N) as much as i think you're a charming girl, and i absolutely love your attention on me, we can't ignore the fact that i'm a bit too old for you sweetheart, and we also just met.” he remarks stepping away from you completely to hang with Obi. due to the lack of heat you shiver a bit, when you hear, “But i have a friend who's around your age and would absolutely kill for a chance to speak with you.” he ends his sentence with a friendly smile.

“20 minutes in a new environment and you've already made a potential love interest! Damn (y/n) this must be the power of feminim people.” Maki sighs. “Oh Maki I'm sure you have people waiting for you, I mean I haven't even been here an hour and I can tell Shinra has a thing for you! Hahah '' I replied hoping to lift her spirits.

“Why the hell is it so loud?” a soft but dominant voice yells out. You turn only to be face to face with the most handsome man on earth…….. Benimaru Shinmon. You softly smiled at the man and bowed, giving him a tiny whiff of your cocoa butter lotion, And gently looked up through your long eyelashes, batting them slightly. As you raised your head you could hear Adam's apple bob just the tiniest bit, and his jaw clenched quickly. “Hi Mr. Shinmon, I've heard alot about you, I'm the 8ths new assistant (Y/n) (L/N) pleasure to make your acquaintance” you say with a soft smile. 

“Don't be too formal with me. And don't bow to me either.” he replies monotony. “Also my name is Beni so you got it.” 

“Ahh waka must have taken a liking to her, just as i said.” 

“Welcome to the 7th it's nice to have you (y/n)” walking away from the girl, she looks back at him with a small blush, ‘damn school textbooks dont dont do him justice’.”so what do you think waka, i told you she was your type” you hear konro speak from across the room, and listen intently for the reply. 

“Shes cute”

~Note~ Yoyoyoyo it's been a while, i've been writing this story for 2 months and finally got it done today! I hope yall like it. -BeBe out!

[star-girl69]

Baby don't even apologise for late responses cause regardless of when you reply to me, the response will most definitely have me in space and floating on cloud 9 for the rest of the day.

- ❤️

(Honey I miss you all the time and I think your beauty is unmatched. I call you a gorgeous goddess for a reason❤️❤️❤️)

(You're good at chemistry🤭🤭🤭dammmmmn beauty and brains??? Cause how am I supposed to not fall in love????I can't wait to read what you're writing(remember we are patient and understanding don't push yourself) You sound so hardworking 🤭)

(I LIVE FOR YOUR YAPSSSS. I NEED MOREEEEEE. Tell me about today??? (no pressure though ❤️❤️❤️))

(You're amazing❤️)

i saw i got this ask and then jumped up and down right? like as one does and then my bff said “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU” and i was like “GIRL YOU DONT WANNA KNOW” and then she grabbed by phone from me and i was like “girl you’re not gonna like it” and then she threw my phone down and started fake gagging like i toldddddd youuuuuuuu

anyways….

(honey 🤭🤭) ALL THE TIME?????? RAHHHHH i was so sad yesterday bc idk what time zone you’re in but i had to go an ENTIRE DAY without a reply and i was like having withdrawals…. not even funny

i love when you call me gorgeous goddess it makes me like not okay in the head yk? like. i think you can infer how it makes me feel…. 🤭

i’m INSANE at chemistry im taking ap chem next year in fact but i actually have a complaint

THIS SHIT took me forever and then my teacher wasn’t even here today so i could have had an entire day more to do it but WHATEVER. WHATEVER ITS FINE 🙄🙄🙄 it’s not hard or anything it just takes forever and also there’s so many numbers and i SUCK at math so there’s a possibility that i messed up my calculations but IDC!!!!!!! i’m too tired to check it

because of you is turning out so bleh. i don’t like it lmao 😭😭 but i mean idk i’ll still publish probably tmrw hopefully tmrw aka tuesday

i KNOW you all are patient and understanding but i am NOT so 😭😭😭

i fear you are wrong and i am not hardworking do we not remember me talking about how i procrastinate 24/7

THANK YOU IM GIGGLING FR I CANT EVEN DESCRIBE THE WAY YOU MAKE ME FEEL 🤭🤭🤭

today is fine so far but OH MY GOD my ap lang teacher handed us back our synthesis essays and then asked me if i could read mine outloud as what to show everyone NOT to do i was like GIRLLLL NO WAY 😭 but it’s ok i think mrs b still loves me ☹️ it was like bc my topic sentences did not align w my thesis and i was like ok i mean you’re right but wtv… i’m struggling so bad w writing rn idk what’s going on. i mean i still got an 8/10 while most people got 7 or 6 so i still ate.

also i love baby hippos

and i have sat prep class today after so that SUCKS let’s hope it’s not like last week when i had that BLINDING headache good lord. did not rival the great headache of 2022 but still

idk. anyways sorry i hope you know this makes me like AHHHHHH giggle kick my feet all the stuff i’m not good at expressing it but ☹️ you get the point hopefully…

giggling 🤭 YOURE amazing 💋💋

[tiredhawks]

PLEASE talk more about hawks struggling with reading and writing

Glad you asked. If you're here from my bio, then a fic I wrote https://archiveofourown.org/works/42568599 is about Dabi finding out.

But if you want my reasoning- children should be able to read by 6 or 7. But for that to happen, it's extremely important for the building blocks to be put in place years earlier. That means playing with letters, parents reading them stories, looking at picture books, watching children's TV shows, learning the alphabet, associating sounds to letters. Note that most kids are in preschool 3-5 years old.

Hawks was taken in by the Commission around age 7 and before then we know his parents were extremely neglectful. The only thing I can give him is that he occasionally watches TV himself because of his misconception of pro heroes being fake characters. However, watching TV in general is not useful for written language. It's specifically kids programs like sesame street where you're meant to learn things that would help. And it's for that reason Hawks doesn't struggle with spoken language. His parents talked, they talked at him, and he could hear the TV, and occasionally escaped from the house. And this is less logic based and more headcanon but birds have the most similar vocal chords to humans and even aside from parrots, there are birds that will mimic us. I like to think that their capacity for copying language has helped benefit him learning spoken language.

So, wouldn't the Commission have taught him to read and write? Of course, it's essential to hero work. The problem is that there is a time period in life where your brain is working overdrive and the idea is "the sooner the better". There's a million factors at play when it comes to the human brain so there's always going to be differences and exceptions. You'll hear most commonly that 9 years old is the cutoff for fluency, some will cite 18, and others will say 30 is the real decline for learning another language at all, while differences at even 1 year old have been studied- but all of these studies are referencing children who have normal childhoods and the right foundations. Hawks did not have that.

Which makes me more inclined to look towards the concept of "feral children". (Which isn't Hawks, but the concept it relevant) Children who were completely socially isolated and no matter what kind of program they went into later in life, never were able to achieve the same level as other people and without continuous learning upkeep, they would actually revert almost entirely. It's a very interesting topic you can Google.

Hawks is very smart, we know his brain is levels above what's considered normal, and it's very safe to assume the commission worked on this relentlessly. That's why I would say he can read and write, but struggles with it. I'd assume he needs to focus far more than a typical person would and has to sound things out to compare it to a vocal word he knows, or has to read sentences twice. And because of that, stressful situations can completely mess him up. Like, say, an angry murderous villain impatiently staring him down.

Now I'm well aware Hawks read the MLA book and got a message into it but consider this, making that message was probably easier than actually reading it normally. The biggest problem would be the amount of time he spent piecing the letters together in his head because he couldn't write it down himself with the cameras. And because Hawks is so smart, once he gets the basic understanding down, he doesn't need to keep referencing the book. He can figure it out on his own and roll with it.

So yeah thanks for reading my thesis. I am not a psychologist or sociologist.

[newt-and-salamander]

Okay, time to go and overshare online because that's a very healthy coping mechanism and also impeccable internet safety.

Soooo, I had this job as a student assistant for 2.5 years. I worked for a professor (lets call him Mr. J.) and we got along quite well and I am very sure I carried out my tasks very efficiently and well. He repeatedly told me so.

Last year in January I received an offer as a student assistant for a different project (with Mrs. S), and also a different Professor (Mrs. Y) asked me if I would be interested to be her PhD student after I finished my degree. I was overjoyed because I was extremely interested in Mrs. Y's work and had meant to ask her myself but couldn't muster the courage. As Mrs. S worked in the same field, it was clear I would take her job as well.

So I talked to Mr. J and told him I would take a second job and I would need to lower my work load with him from 40 h/month to 30. He was ... not happy. I remember him literally saying "If Y wants to throw her hat into the ring, who am I to stop her", and in what I considered to be honest career advice, he told me not to go into her field as it was not very promising for a university career atm.

Fast-forward to June: It became clear to me that I wouldn't be able to work 60 h/month while writing my Master thesis starting in September, so I went to Mr J. and told him I would need to quit in autumn. It made sense, because the project I worked on with S was very much adjacent to the topic I chose for my thesis. Again, J was not overjoyed to hear this and told me it was "hard to find good people", but I took that as a compliment.

I finished all my tasks in time and I spent several hours in September showing my successor how to take over from me.

I then wrote a long email to J, thanking him for the 2.5 years we had worked together and everything he had taught me - because it was true, he had been a good boss and I had learned a lot and I knew he had made sure to give me interesting tasks. He had even sent me to a work trip to Paris to do some research in some archives there. I appreciated that a lot and I told him (and I had told him before), and wroteI regretted that I had to leave the job, but that I had had a great time. I also asked him if he could write me a employer's reference as it was pretty much my first proper job.

I didn't expect a bouquet of flowers or anything, but I thought he might write back with something like "thanks for your work, good luck with your thesis". All I got back then was a one liner saying he would write the reference.

I already had the feeling back then that he was sulking, but I brushed the thought away as him being very busy. I met him once on the corridor since then, where he very obviously had no time for me. And today I got the employer's reference, 3 months after I had asked him to write one.

It was a generic text about the university, then a list of my tasks which I provided and then 2 paragraphs, of which the first one said also the very generic things about my work behaviour, including 2 typos, and the whole second paragraph was dedicated to how I quit the job because I got another attractive offer and how he regrettet to let me go.

And ... I get it. These things are always very gerenic and maybe I'm reading too much into it. But tbh reading this, I feel very bad, because I think the only effort he put into it was to make sure I knew he was not happy about me leaving, and also this sounds like I left on a whim, while I told him 4 months prior. I am also very disappointed because he never once said thank you or good bye to me, and - as a person who is generally not very sure of herself - I think this letter understates my actual performance. All the time I thought I was overinterpreting his behaviour, but now I think it's safe to say that he's offended. And I don't understand why. I was only his student assistant. I think I did my job very reliably, but at the end of the day it still was scanning books for his seminars and going to archives to take photos of documents for him. I did not betray him in any personal way. I don't see why he would react in such a way. (And I can't stop thinking about the "throwing the hat into the ring" comment. If he felt I should in any way be more loyal (???) to him and IF he had maybe thought of offering me a PhD position, he could have done it then and there. I can't read his thoughts. I am suffering from impostor syndrom anyway, I don't think anyone would willingly want to take me on for a doctorate.)

Anyway, I'm confused and hurt and I wrote him an email asking very nicely to correct the typos. Let's see if that takes him 3 more months.