#i did not get groomed or abused hope this helps clear things up

[lyricailove]

Does it ever hit you that because of Frank and Monica's emotional detachment, all of the Gallagher's seek out affection from romantic partners? But like to an almost obsessive degree.

Fiona's is obvious. She's hypersexual and falls in love easily. She will downplay her issues with Frank as something she's grown used to, but it's clear that it still affects her. She also does the same when it comes to Monica but I feel like her hostility towards other women comes from how she doesn't trust Monica, doesn't really trust herself, and sees those insecurities on other women. Ex: Her treatment of Mandy and distrust of her around Lip.

Lip is a classic case of a man dealing with his mommy issues by making it every woman's problem. He's hostile towards his romantic partners when they want a real commitment from him and he talks to women with so much disrespect that it's a wonder someone hasn't stomped his ass out yet. He's especially harsh towards his own sisters even though they've been the one's who have been there for him. He may hate Frank but he's noticeably giving and extremely forgiving towards men, even those he's only known for a short while. Almost like the story about the turtle was just as much about him hoping that he could fix Frank as it was about Frank crushing his hopes of a real father figure.

Ian being groomed is in no way his fault and is the fault of the creeps who pursued him. But I can't ignore the fact that Frank's abuse and neglect opened him up the further abuse he suffered at the hands of Kash and Ned. It's no coincidence that both Kash and Ned shower Ian with gifts and compliments about how impressive, smart, and mature he is.

Debbie 1. deals with comphet in the first few seasons, and 2. Feels ignored by her family so she tries to create her own family. Debbie is visibly the one most affected by Frank's issues and even when she for all intents and purposes gives up on him, it still affects her. Frank's hurtful words about her only finding love with someone "just as fucked up as she is" pushes her to put consider a dangerous situation with Heidi. She's also someone who struggles with control issues because she needs to help other people. She's a problem solver by nature. It's just that the two problems she wishes she could solve more than anything are out of her hands (Frank and Monica). She can't fix Frank's addiction, his selfishness, or his abusive tendencies. She can't fix Monica's wanderlust, her avoidance, or her aversion to long-term commitment.

Carl is so good at masking his emotions. It's easy to miss. But then you notice things like his attachment to Fiona, his absolute devotion to the girls he likes, and his need to protect. Carl is hypersexual, even though I've seen it rarely brought up in fandom, and longs for a long-term girlfriend. When he does get girlfriends he's all in from the beginning. When Carl loves someone he is all about them. He's so casual when it comes to talking about Frank and Monica, but that doesn't mean those feelings aren't there and they aren't affecting him.

Liam is still young so we don't get to see him in a relationship. He's the one Gallagher who's consistently treated like an actual kid. Probably the one who has the best chance at healthy emotional attachments. But then again, Fiona leaving most likely did a number on him and we weren't privy to what that looks like for him because the latter seasons forgot how to do long-term storytelling and emotional payoff. All we know is that he doesn't remember Monica, Frank being gone makes him an orphan and he's worried about where he's gonna live because Lip forgot that Liam was technically under Frank's care. We didn't get to see it, but I'd say Liam's first emotional crash is probably on the horizon.

[annwrites]

a house in hawkins. part three.

— pairing: billy hargrove x fem!reader

— type: part of a series

— summary: billy helps you with homework, you realize you have a crush, & yet another man enters the fold

— tags: billy trying to learn more about you, billy opening up about who he used to be

— tw: references to past sexual abuse/grooming of a minor, mentions of drugs, infidelity, implied abortion

— word count: 4,458

— a/n: going forward, this fic will be dealing in heavy material, like those referenced in the tw & more. sex scenes will be graphic & potentially triggering to some readers. putting it out there now, so some know to stop before following along any further with this post/series.

i hope this post seems okay. idk how i feel about writing billy this way. it feels ooc, bc he's so nice & mature, but he's supposed to be for this story, bc that's the kind of man reader desperately needs to lean on. idk. i think i just need to get more comfortable with characterizing him so differently than i did in my thoroughfare series.

When Billy enters the house, he finds you to his left in the living room. Or, what is now serving as a poor excuse for one. You’re on the floor, lying on your stomach atop a light blue blanket, legs in the air behind you, waving back and forth as you work on what he assumes is homework.

You glance up to him for a moment, a pencil balanced atop your upper lip which is in a pout to keep it in-place and he smirks at the sight.

He holds up a plastic bag from a hardware store. “Brought you a new doorknob.”

You drop the writing utensil. “Does that one have a lock, too?”

“It does.”

You turn back to the textbook in front of you. “Good. Now you can replace the other one that you broke.”

His lip twitches. “Yes, ma’am.”

You roll your eyes. “Don’t call me that.”

He repeats the statement yet again before heading up.

A handful of minutes later, he comes back downstairs, seating himself on the cushion-less couch. “Done.”

You look back at him over your shoulder.

He lays an arm across the back of the couch. “What? Do you want to inspect my handiwork?”

You go back to your homework. “Not really. And you’re not getting paid, either.”

He chuckles. “I’d say that’s only fair, since it needing to be replaced at all is my fault to begin with.”

Both of you grow silent then and he leans forward, squinting, trying to get a look at whatever you’re working on. “Number four is wrong.”

He leans back again.

You don’t initially respond, telling yourself that he’s just picking on you. Or that you don’t really care if your decimal is in the wrong place, but you keep glancing back to the question. You sigh loudly then and he smiles in response. “So what’s the right answer, then?”

He shrugs. “You tell me, sweetheart.”

You don’t like him calling you that yet again. Scott is the only one who gets to call you by that term of endearment. Joe had tried it once—twice, maybe—and even if he scared the shit out of you, you made it clear that he could call you by anything else but that. He’d agreed easily, since his cock had just been buried in your warm, wet mouth—close to finishing. His mind was occupied with other things at the time than arguing over meaningless nicknames. He’d given you what you wanted—agreement—and then you’d given him the same: an orgasm, which included swallowing, before his wife came home.

You look at him over your shoulder again. “Don’t ever call me that again. Got it?”

He blinks down at you for a moment, the air in the room shifting as he wonders whether you disliked that specific pet name, or pet names in general. And much more: why? “Sure.” He clears his throat. “It’s four point six seven, by the way. Your decimal is in the wrong place.”

You turn back to your paper, erasing and then correcting. You’d known you had screwed up, but had gotten so frustrated that you’d chosen to eventually move onto the next question.

“I hate math,” you mutter.

He props his other elbow up against the arm of the couch, resting his head against his fist. “It was my favorite subject, actually.”

“Can’t imagine why,” you say, filling in number five, hoping you’ve at least gotten it right. You’re sure Billy will tell you if you haven’t.

“What’s your favorite subject? You like to read, so I assume English?”

You bob your head from side-to-side for a moment. “It’s a tie between that and science.”

Ironic, he thinks. The daughter of a meth manufacturer who loves science.

Speaking of, you’d spent last night on-edge, wondering what the hell had gone through your head to think sharing such a secret with a complete stranger to be a good idea. If any of the men found out…‘being in trouble’ wouldn’t even begin to cover it.

You didn’t want to think what Joe would do to you if he found out you’d ran your mouth off to some random that wasn’t even from here, and clearly not a customer, either.

You weren’t sure that the prospect of him never getting to use you for his own personal sexual satisfaction again would be enough to save you.

Thankfully, however, the only cruiser that had shown up last night—which had still made your heart jump into your throat when you’d glanced out the screen door as your dad went out and you saw it—was Travis’. He’d just been bringing his weekly earnings by to be divvied up.

As your dad stood there counting; ensuring that everything was in-order, he’d stared at you, eyes trailing along your body.

You’d not reacted. You hardly did anymore. They all liked to look. But only a select few were allowed to touch. And he had. Twice now. Even if he was engaged. Not that being spoken-for seemed to matter much to any of them.

Joe had been married now for twenty-five years. Longer than you’d even been alive. But whenever his wife went off to visit her sister, or was to be gone majority of the day and the urge hit him…

Travis was different than him in bed, though.

Then again, they all had their own personal…styles.

Joe really liked blowjobs and demeaning dirty-talk, or taking you from behind—honestly, so long as he was fucking you in some form, he was pleased.

Travis, in the two times you’d now been together, had been more on the gentle side, almost like he was afraid of hurting you—it often made you wonder if that was how his fiancée liked it.

Rhett—in the one time you had been together a year ago—had been tender. You tried not to think about the way he had looked at you that night too much. Or the way he looked at you literally each time he was around you after. With longing, and something else you didn’t want to think about.

He knew what it had been going into it. It wasn’t your problem if he’d hoped for more. You’d been clear from the start.

Sometimes, though, you still felt guilty, knowing that it hurt him each time you slept with one of the other men, or they shared you between them, touching you right in front of him.

And then there was Scott. With him it was just…familiarity. Your bodies simply understanding one another. Wants, needs—they no longer even needed to be talked about. Once your naked skin was pressed against each other—in bed, against the wall, on the bench seat in his pickup, in his garage—it was almost like routine. A pleasant one. Like an old habit that both of you refused to kick. Not that you had any reason to.

Even if, when you fought, it left both of you fuming for days. But the making up was the good part. So, the thought of cutting things off never occurred to either of you. Not that it would last long if you even tried.

You were the only girl he’d bothered to continue carrying on with for so long.

And he was the only man you allowed to kiss you on the mouth.

That was your only rule with the rest of them: they could do, and have you do whatever they desired, but no kissing on the lips. Period.

And then you think of you breaking that rule just yesterday for someone else. But he’d been asleep, so that instance had been different. Or, that’s what you’d told yourself, at least.

You don’t even know why you had done it. Maybe to have a secret of your very own. A new one, that is. Because this house had been that, until he’d showed up.

And now you were back to pretending to be someone else for yet one more man in your life. No more letting your walls down for a few hours and just being a teenage girl with hopes and dreams—playing pretend—even if they dwindled little-by-little as time went on, and you warmed yet one more man’s bed.

He’d ripped that away from you.

You’re broken from your thoughts by Billy speaking again. “I can check your answers once you’re done. If you want.”

“Okay.”

You glance back to him over your shoulder and he meets your gaze with a raised brow. “Need help?”

You study him for a moment, then, “No.”

You turn back around. You’d just been curious as to where his eyes were currently trained at at-present. Because this moment reminds you of a similar one from three years ago, when you’d been fourteen, lying on your stomach on the living room floor, watching TV—you couldn’t even remember what had been on now.

The thing you could recall, however, was Joe sitting on the couch behind you, watching you with hooded lids. When you had turned back to him—feeling suddenly uneasy—you’d watched as he’d adjusted himself over his jeans, making sure you’d seen.

You’d felt sickly after, and hadn’t understood why.

Out of all of them, he’d always been your least-favorite. You had many reasons for that. Perhaps because he was the worst, even if he thought he was the best.

Once you’ve finished, you stand, coming to sit beside Billy, resting back on your calves as you watch him look over your paper.

You study him for a moment, noticing a bit of oil near his brow, and you lick your thumb, then reach toward him to wipe it away.

He pulls back, staring at you. “What’re you doing?”

You don’t reply. You simply clean him up, resting your palm back against your thigh. You wonder if he likes you touching him.

They usually do.

He stares at you for just a moment longer—you can swear that he blushes—before looking back to your paper. “Nine is wrong. Like, way off, kiddo.”

He hands it back to you.

You snort at the nickname, taking it from him. “What is it, then?”

He crosses his arms. “You tell me.”

This again.

You shrug, standing, bending over to put it back in your backpack—you can feel his eyes on your rear. “I can live with one wrong answer.”

He lays his head back against the couch, rolling his eyes. “The correct answer was B, not D.”

You smirk then, pulling the paper back out, quickly correcting it, then putting it away again.

“Never going to learn if I just keep telling you all the right answers.”

You turn back to him then, shrugging. “I’m used to getting what I want.”

He shakes his head lightly.

You sit down again, back pressed against the couch’s other arm, knees bent, feet pressed together in front of you. You break the silence this time.

“So, you went to Hawkins High, too?”

He nods. “Mhm.”

“What were you like? The way you are now?” It seemed to you that most men never grew out of being boys.

He smirks. “No. I was a completely different person.” He rolls his head to the side, looking at you. “Honestly, and this is just going off of a hunch, but I think you would’ve fuckin’ hated me.”

That surprises you. “Really? Why?”

He shrugs, looking up to the ceiling. “I was King Bad-Boy-Asshole. Smoking, drinking, partying, fighting, getting laid and driving a cool car. Generally acting like I didn’t give a shit about anything. Maybe a bit too concerned with my good looks. I had one hell of an ego, too; easily bruised.”

You try to picture this version of him, and for some reason, find it quite difficult to do. You’re not entirely sure that you believe him. But he seems the honest type.

“You’re right. I would’ve.”

And you would. All the guys could get cocky at times. You were used to such behavior. But when it came down to it, especially in regards to business—in whatever capacity—they all pulled their weight; did what was needed—necessary. They looked out for one another.

He smirks again. “You would’ve definitely been my type, though.”

This statement interests you. You lean in toward him. “How so?”

“Attractive, quiet, mysterious. You don’t seem to care much about what other people think. All around hard-to-get. I loved a good chase. As long as I got to break her in like a wild horse in bed at the end of it all.”

He looks at you then.

He’s only half-right about not caring for others’ opinions. Unless they were in your immediate circle, you didn’t. But if they were? You had no choice but to. They expected that from you—you caring about what they do, say, and think. Men like to feel good about themselves, and a supportive young woman is one way to get that validation that they all seem to crave, even if they’d never admit it.

You’d learned long ago to never emasculate them. Any of them. In any form.

“You’re not breaking anything.” You only half mean it. You still think him quite attractive, if nothing else.

It pleases you to hear that he thinks the same of you. Even if you’re not surprised by it.

“Didn’t say I was,” he replies, crossing his arms.

You cock your head to the side. “So, why change?”

“Once my dad kicked me out, real-life hit, and I knew it was time to grow the hell up; the time for games was over. The attitude I had was never going to get me very far.”

There’s a beat of silence, and then he speaks again. “What do you think of me as I am now?”

You shrug. “You’re okay so far. Definitely still a pretty boy, though.”

He scoffs. “Would a pretty boy have hands like these?” He asks, holding his palms up briefly, before settling them against his thighs.

“I was referring to your face, not your hands.”

He chews the inside of his cheek. “Yeah, well, I’m not that.”

Seems like your comment, for whatever reason, has hit a nerve. “Whatever you say, pretty boy.”

He reaches over, grabbing one of your feet, like yesterday, and tugging your sock off, balling it up, and tossing it across the room before massaging the sole.

“Do you have a foot fetish or something?”

His lip twitches in amusement. “No reason why it can’t benefit you.”

You raise a questioning brow.

He shakes his head. “No, I don’t. It’s called being nice. You should try it some time.”

You slide down the couch, settling your other foot in his lap as well. “Oh, I can be very nice. To the right people. Honestly, you probably wouldn’t even recognize me if you saw me with them.”

You stare down at your hands in your lap then.

The latter-most statement had come off as a tad…sad to him. “Why?”

You look at him. “It’s a long story.”

He shrugs, taking your other foot in his rough hands. “No place else to be.”

You glance to the watch on your wrist, knowing Travis is apparently bringing by another cop today to get him dealt-in on the business. He’d asked last night if you’d be there today. You’d said maybe. Meaning that you don’t have to leave.

He looks at your watch as well, then at you. “Do you?”

Your eyes meet his. “Not technically.”

Ever the enigma to him. Never a straight-forward answer with you. You kept him on his toes and guessing, that much was for certain.

“Are you always this cryptic?”

You shrug. “Trust is earned.”

“Trusted me well enough yesterday.”

You glance to him from under your lashes. “I should’ve never told you any of that. It was a mistake. A stupid thing to do.”

His thumbs move to the ball of your foot. “You don’t need to worry. Your secret is safe with me. Besides, I already told you I don’t have any friends. So, who would I have to tell?”

It’s just a general feeling—same as it was yesterday—that he can be trusted. And that’s an unusual occurrence for you. To meet someone like that.

Like him.

He rolls his head to the side, looking at you.

The warmth in his eyes…it’s not often you see such a sight.

“So, who are ‘the right people’, then? Classmates? Boyfriend?”

You cross your arms, shifting uncomfortably. “Family friends.”

He hums, moving his hands back to your other foot. “Why aren’t you with them now?”

“Are you always this nosy?”

He smirks, moving his fingers to your ankle. “Told you yesterday that I only have a few dozen questions to ask. That I find you fascinating.”

“And what do I get for answering?”

His lip twitches. “Helped you with your homework, didn’t I? Sounds like a give-and-take to me.”

“I was doing just fine before you came along.”

He rests the crook of his neck back against the couch. “I think you needed me.”

“Sounds to me like you still have one hell of an ego.”

He chuckles. “Never said I didn’t, honey.”

You glance to your watch again and sigh.

He looks at you, moving his fingers back to your foot, which you then remove from his lap, standing.

You head across the room to retrieve your sock.

He sits up. “Are you leaving?”

You pad back over to your shoes. “Mhm.”

He’s quiet for a moment, thinking. “Want me to give you a ride home?”

You look up to him after slipping them both on. A strange man bringing you home—especially if Scott or Joe were there, or your dad was in a mood—is most certainly a bad idea.

Even at that, with Travis…things were still new and blooming. You knew he felt special—since the rest of them you’d known for years and years—and taking a new guy to bed so soon had made him believe there was something different about him for you. Seeing you with an unfamiliar, like Billy, would only give him doubt.

“No, thanks. I like walking.”

You pull your backpack on and he stands then.

“Will I see you tomorrow?”

You shrug. Normally, you didn’t come here on the weekends to begin with. But you’d procrastinated your math homework yesterday in favor of reading instead. And then had used the unfinished assignment as an excuse to come back today.

You wonder if he always works weekends as well.

He takes a step closer to you, floorboards creaking.

You stare up at him. “Will you be here tomorrow?”

He smiles. “If you want me to be.”

You don’t entirely know what to say to that. “Do you not have work?”

“I don’t work Sundays. And I only work every-other Saturday. It’s the only reason I’m out here today.”

So next weekend you’d have this place all to yourself from the sounds of it. You now had something to look forward to.

You step past him. “And here I thought you came for me.”

He laughs. “Now who has an ego?”

Once the two of you are on the front porch—you really wanted to begin trying to fix this place up, even just a little; perhaps the furniture upstairs could be put to use—you turn back to him. “What I’m doing tomorrow depends on today. Make of that what you will.”

If Travis’ fiancée was to be at work all night, you knew where you’d be this evening. And if you felt wore-out from it come tomorrow, you most likely would hold off on coming back until Monday after school.

Billy raises a brow. “Think I need more details to make anything of it.”

You stand on tiptoes then and press a soft kiss to his cheek, just like yesterday. Once you’re standing on flat feet again, you look up to him with a smile. “Bye.”

He’s blushing again now—you think it sweet that he’s still capable of doing so; the last man who you’d made blush was Rhett, and that was quite some time ago—and you turn, heading through the field to your right without another word.

Billy shakes his head. “What the fuck have I gotten myself into?”

When you come into the yard, you don’t falter in your steps when you catch sight of Travis and his friend leaned back against Travis’ cruiser—another parked behind it—as they speak to your dad.

You merely glance to them, and the new one—he’s perhaps forty, tall, with dark hair and tanned skin, his strong jawline covered in stubble—looks to you with dark eyes for just a moment. His demeanor is cold, hard, distant. Already he unsettles you.

He breaks the staring contest when he looks back to your dad as you head up the front steps, going inside.

You head to your room, softly shutting the door behind you and slipping off your backpack, setting it on the floor before flopping down face-first on your bed. You smile softly to yourself when you think of Billy’s hands on your feet—such an un-intimate part of the body that he’d made feel the very opposite—and the way he’d blushed when your lips pressed against his warm skin.

You had a crush.

The last time you’d felt such a thing was when you first set eyes upon Scott at eight-years-old. It was now a foreign feeling to you, but nevertheless felt…good. It made you giddy, warm, excited. You bury your face in your pillow and softly squeal, kicking your feet. You should’ve told him yes to tomorrow. You wanted to see him again. You wanted to see him every day.

At what was now your place. You still somewhat wish he’d never found it, but he seemed nice enough so far. Different. And he clearly likes you.

But he liked hard-to-get, had said as much out loud. Most men did.

It was always a careful, delicate balancing act upon a high tightrope you were forced to walk day-in and day-out. Glances and soft touches, giggles and flirtatious comments, precise body-language that could be easily construed one way or the other. But never so distant that it left them frustrated or wholly uncertain of your feelings toward them.

They always needed to believe they were the ones in control. That you might think you know what you’re doing, but in reality, they always have the upper-hand. That they know how to play the game far better than you ever could. Because you’re just a girl. Some pretty, empty-headed doll or sex-toy, while they rule the world. That you need them.

You’re broken from thoughts of golden curls, pretty eyes, and handsome smiles by a knock at your bedroom door.

You groan. Travis. You’re sure it’s him.

You turn onto your side, snuggling the pillow under your head. “Yes?”

When the door opens, you’re proven correct. He leans his tall, broad form against the doorway, crossing his arms. You notice his typically short dirty-blond hair is just a tad shorter today—he’d gotten a haircut. He’s wearing a gray t-shirt, which just says ‘HPD’ on the front, and jeans. At least he’d bothered taking his shoes off first—they all know how you hate them walking through the house with them on.

He gives you a small, soft smile. “Where you been all day?”

You shrug.

He hangs his head, shaking it with a smirk and a small chuckle before looking to you again. “Should come outside and meet Cyrus. I’ve told him a lot about you.”

That translated to: I tell him the things we do when Amy is away at work, and he’s interested in also getting to know you on such a level.

Honestly, you’re a bit surprised he would do so. He’d made a ‘joke’ the last time you two had had sex last week, asking ‘how to get you all to himself’. You’d told him that that’s not how things work around here. If some newbie—a cop in particular—came along and demanded you all to himself suddenly…it would not end well for him.

You sit up then, on the edge of the bed, and just stare up at him.

He glances around your room, then back to you. “She’s out tonight, pulling a double at the hospital. You could come over. I’ll even make you dinner. Spaghetti?”

Having dinner made for you was also different. It was the other way around with the rest of them. But he’s still new at this. Trying to woo you, even if it’s completely unnecessary. You don’t need presents to get you to spread your legs for him.

You doing so easily and willingly is a pivotal part in all of this—your role to play; cross to bear. It was one more thing that kept them all coming back—kept them working with your dad, even if he’s unaware of it. You think sometimes he suspects—he’d nearly caught you and Scott once on your bedroom floor—but he says nothing of it if he does indeed know anything.

If you ever stopped—decided to start telling any of them no—they wouldn’t take kindly to it. They saw you as something they were entitled to, something that belonged to them. And even if they accepted that: you wanting to stop—albeit reluctantly—the business would fall apart.

Having an attractive young woman to fuck whenever, and however they pleased for free with minimal effort put into your so-called ‘relationship’ was something they wouldn’t be getting anywhere else.

You don’t come home covered in bruises or crying, and haven’t gotten…well, as of two weeks ago you could no longer say that. That was the day you’d found the house. You’d never needed it more than in that moment after getting out of Joe’s truck a nervous wreck after leaving the clinic.

But because you always seemed fine, your dad let it go. Sometimes you wish he wouldn’t.

You cock your head to the side. “It’ll be just us?” Will your buddy be there, too? You’re asking.

He smiles again, nodding. “Yeah, baby, just us.”

“Okay.”

He grins. “I can take you home with me when I’m getting ready to leave?”

You stand, readying an overnight bag, incase you need it. “Just let me know when you’re ready to go.”

He comes closer to you, wrapping an arm around your waist, his other hand tugging gently at the hair at the nape of your neck, easing your head back, his lips coming down to settle over your pulse. He kisses, other hand squeezing your rear and he groans. You feel him pressing into your stomach then, hard and firm.

“I will,” he mutters against your skin, sucking on it for just a moment before stepping back. He winks at you before heading back outside.

You simply roll your eyes once he’s out-of-sight.

[lakemetaphor]

Gonna throw my metaphorical tin-foil into the ring for a second here and say, I am cautiously optimistic (hoping?) that the Mystery Man at the end of 425 is Tenko/Tomura, in some form. Mainly because, I don't really believe this is the end of Tomura as a character.

It goes without saying that Tomura's death was unsatisfying. It's not so much that he died that's the problem, but how it was handled and how quickly it seems to be brushed over. But the epilogue so far has given me hope that this was all kind of done on purpose.

Whether or not you agree with All Might that "Tenko's heart was saved", or Gran Torino that "killing is a way of saving", doesn't matter. What matters is, Deku doesn't believe he fully saved Tenko/Tomura. Deku is not happy with how things turned out. He's dissatisfied. It's clear from his expressions and words these last two chapters. He believes he failed. So, he failed.

I think the disconnect comes because Deku can't figure out exactly how and why he did. He shattered Tomura's hatred, he reached out to the crying child, he killed AFO and released the hold he had over Tenko/Tomura, but still, he didn't save him. Still, Tomura wanted to destroy. Why? There's something he's missing. Something he doesn't understand.

Since the events of 417-419, I sort of formed this theory that there really isn't one easy way to save Tomura Shigaraki/Tenko Shimura. But instead, his "saving" can be broken up into three separate elements that need to be addressed individually.

Tomura is an amalgamation of everything that can go wrong to create a villain in MHA's world. He is like Dabi, abused, neglected, and ignored by his family. Like Spinner, someone lost and rejected without agency and his own drive latching onto the words and direction of others. And like Toga and Twice, rejected by a society that ignores their struggles and saw them as "too dangerous" and/or "too far gone". (Of course the League all have their own separate issues as well, but core elements of their stories are reflected in Tomura. Making him their leader both in story and thematically.)

In addressing each of these points in Tomura, we are also addressing them in the League. To save Tomura is to save every member of the League, and to save Tomura, there are three things that would need to be fulfilled.

The abuse Tenko received from his father while his family neglected and ignored him and his pain, and how this treatment led to his perception of himself when it came to ultimately killing them.

AFO stripping Tenko of his agency, giving him Decay, and manipulating and grooming him into a being of pure hatred and anger.

Tenko being ignored on the street after killing his family, no one helping him, and the complacency of civilians that rely on heroes to save the day.

Without meeting all three conditions, the idea of "saving Tenko/Tomura" becomes hollow and dissatisfying. If you took care of AFO and society, Tomura would be unable to let go of what happened in the Shimura house. If you dealt with society and his early childhood, Tomura wouldn't have a chance to deal with AFO's grooming. And most notably, (as we're seeing now in story) if you deal with AFO and the Shimura house, the world remains unchanged, and the deep rooted issues present in MHA's society get swept under the rug.

So with Tomura's story seemingly ending with only 2 out of 3 of the conditions fulfilled, it feels incomplete. It feels like we're missing a very important piece of the puzzle. Because we are. Tomura still wants to destroy because his desire to destroy is connected to all three of these pieces. And until all are dealt with, that itch (pun intended) cannot be satisfied.

It very much feels like the epilogue is setting up to deal with the final missing piece. The kind of giant elephant in the room of "what are we gonna do about the society that created these villains". From Deku reflecting on Tomura's last words of "it depends what you do from here", to Mirio's speech about "turning minuses into zero" and "going beyond", to Dabi, Toga, and Spinner's fates slowly being revealed, to the restoration project class (now) 2-A is going to be working on.

Which is where I think (hope) our Mystery Man comes in.

Whoever this is, he's clearly distressed, wandering a destroyed city or town, and in need of help. It's entirely possible this is just Some Guy™, meant to represent the type of people that were/are ignored and need to be saved. That he's going to be the person Deku reaches out to and saves where he failed in saving Tomura. Therefore resolving the issue of no one helping Tenko when he was a kid, and showing how heroes and society are going to change from here on out.

Putting aside the obvious visuals pointing to this being Tenko/Tomura, (and I'm talking about more than just his looks) for me at least, I feel like him being just Some Guy™, falls really flat. It feels like a consolation prize for Deku. "You couldn't save the guy you really wanted, so here, have a new guy, free of charge, maybe you'll do this one right." On top of that, it feels like a rehash of what happened with Eri (a hero reaching out before it's too late).

But the most important thing is, it doesn't fix Deku's failure thematically. He has always been about "total victory" and "saving everyone with a smile on his face", so why would his final save, his most important save, end in such a way that neither of those conditions can be fulfilled? It doesn't make sense. And I wanna have faith that this isn't just bad writing, but rather the beginning of the setup to resolve these issues.

With each step so far in "saving Tenko/Tomura", things have been happening in a very literal sense. Deku (and Nana) literally stopped Kotaro from hitting Tenko. Deku literally held Tenko's hands and validated his pain and confusion at killing his family. AFO literally showed his evil hand in shaping Tomura into a villain. And Tomura literally made the decision to end the control AFO had over his life. So in order for the societal piece to be dealt with, Tenko/Tomura needs to literally be reached out to in his time of need. Something that cannot happen by proxy and cannot happen if he's dead.

It seems like a very convoluted way to get here. And (if I'm right in this) I'm not saying the way it's being done is perfect, but it does make sense. Tomura has no reason to believe Deku and the heroes will change society for the better. And in the context of the battle, there was no real way to show Tomura that they would. In the same way that he needed to be stopped from killing his family, that he needed to be shown how badly AFO groomed him, he now needs to see society changing in order to have faith that it will.

And if we call back to Tomura's line about wanting to be a hero for the villains, that statement alone is what meshes these conditions together. From the kid who was abused for wanting to be a hero, to the kid who was raised without a choice of his own, to the kid who saw firsthand how the world treats so called "villains" through his own experiences and those of his friends. In order for him to fully be a "hero for the villains" he needs to be allowed to be a hero, allowed to make his own decisions, and allowed to protect the ones society rejects. He's done the first two, the third is still hanging in the air.

Which has a number of ways of being dealt with, but the most obvious one would be to utilize the broken half of Overhaul to heal their current critical conditions. Dabi is alluded to being alive, but hooked up so some kind of machine. Toga lost a lot of blood. Spinner was basically brain dead. I genuinely don't think any of them died, or will die, but something needs to be done to help them. And the set up is too perfect to not come into play in some way.

Of course, all of this could be wrong. And that is what it is. I know it's kind of impractical for this Mystery Man to be Tenko/Tomura. It also doesn't immediately fix the issues brought about by Tomura's (initial? seeming?) conclusion. But, I do believe there's a lot more potential to fix what's been broken with an alive Tomura rather than a dead Tomura.

[thebravestfell]

hey everyone, I don't often poke my head into the general community at large but I think there definitely deserves to be some acknowledgement about what's going on. I was part of the staff team on liminal when sasha was accepted, but I would like to clarify some things about it.

rach came to us saying sasha wanted to join the board, that she wrote on darker subjects, and had a reputation on the tea blogs. most of us didn't know who exactly sasha was or just knew the name in passing. we were told there would be some 'light references' to [tw] grooming (my ace ass did not immediately think in a horror setting this would be the sort that involved a sexual nature because there's plenty of set up for people to be manipulated in the apocalypse for say, murder and things, but I digress).

sasha and niki sent in the freeform part of their apps, and after pinging us all (far too many times) rach asked us all to sign off on it. most of us put the stipulations on it that it shouldn't break ToS, should be handled tactfully (which obviously is now recognized as an impossible thing), discussed with writing partners to ensure comfort, and be properly tagged. I also stipulated if issues arose, we would have to re-evaluate.

when I read the freeform, I was taken aback by the entirely NOT 'light' references and immediately pointed out the TWs were not harsh enough. I made very clear that it needed to be tagged a lot better than it was, but I had to retire for the night. when I woke up, I found the app had been accepted (despite most of the team not having read the plotter) and someone had opened a ticket about it. a ticket that was then handled poorly.

I backed up this member because they were entirely correct and I agreed with them! my suggestions for added TWs were a lot harsher than what ended up being settled on, I had to argue tooth and nail over romanticized content and acknowledging the character was an abuser, and then I made sure the member got an apology for being disregarded. since that moment, things just got worse. I did my best to make sure sasha got called out for inappropriate tagging, joking, etc., and rach cut me off almost every time. I did my best to protect the community, and in the end it wasn't enough. and being disregarded (because sasha also made me very uncomfortable and I voiced that many times) along with seeing other members (and other staff even) be disregarded made me step down from being staff long before the incident that brought this to light.

I cannot speak for the rest of the staff, but I am sorry to those who had to deal with all this. I take responsibility for my part in it but I did try to do what I could to protect the community thereafter. If I had voiced better that I wasn't comfortable with the character being allowed on the site instead of leaning in favor of giving someone a chance, maybe a lot less people would've been hurt. I am at least glad to see sasha is being shown for the person she really is though, and if it took the death of Liminal, so be it. manipulating rach as she did is a cruel and vile thing, but that doesn't excuse the fact that we still let her be a part of our community with the character she was writing.

I hope you all stay safe out there in the RPC and get to actually having a fun time writing instead of having to deal with this sort of thing. if I can help clarify anything else, please let me know.

[velvetstreets]

https://www.tumblr.com/velvetstreets/750935310625538048/out-of-curiosity-why-how-did-you-move-on-from

Thank for answering this, I really appreciate it!! I’m still in my obsessed with Jack era so I need to hear what helped other ppl move out of it lol I need to not be so obsessed with him 😫

Can you pls elaborate on the things he said, shared or did that gave you childish vibes? And anything else that helped you stop being obsessed with him plsss? 🙏🏼 I need help lol

Thank you soooo much! I appreciate it and respect your opinion. Hope you’re having a great day!

LMAOO no worries 🫶🫶 hahah it’s okay to be in the obsessed era! I was there for a long time

🚨warning for mutuals, Jack Harlow criticism under the cut, read at your own will! 🚨

I don’t know if I can really pinpoint the childish vibes, just the way he tends to avoid talking about serious topics (in person/interviews) and turns to humor (which isn’t totally a bad thing, he likes to keep the vibes light which I get and it’s an attractive trait) but idk his team/a lot of the people he keeps around him are……… not good people lol

He’s very big on keeping the same circle/bringing people with him up on his success journey, big on loyalty- but like… sometimes it’s good to move on from people in your life. Especially when some of those people are just bad. KY Engineering (one of his close producers) and Nemo his creative advisor have previously stated horrible misogynistic takes on Black women several times, and their attitude towards women in general are…………….. yeah

And for someone like Jack who loves to boast about how much he loves and respects women it… yeah! Idk he often gives me a vibe of his morals are in the right place but he’s not one to correct his homeboys publicly at the end of the day- especially if there are no women present.

(This part isn’t childish, more just sad and upsetting) He also continuously told the story of how he lost his virginity during his last tour which was so horrible bc it was clear the girl he lost it to groomed him :(((( and he/the people around him don’t see that/understand that because its common as a man to be proud that you “bagged” an older girl and it’s like…. Baby lemme hold ur hand and tell you no it’s not…

And he spoke on the Megan the Stallion/Tory L*nez incident and didn’t remove Tory off his song unlike other (female) artists, saying he didn’t feel like it was his place to speak on Tory’s actions, but hoped that Megan was doing okay which was so???????????????????? Like I don’t understand how you can acknowledge she was shot and say that you know you’re a good person and have integrity but then keep her abuser and the man that tried to kill her on your song…. The math is not mathing!!!!!

I just… he has some evolving and learning and growing up to do, and I felt like me personally I fell out of love w him bc we’re the same age and I couldn’t understand how he was not consciously on the same wavelength in terms of mentality ya know :/

I still think he’s a good rapper and makes good music, and I think he’s continuing to evolve mentally (his 3rd album showed more of that), and I don’t believe he’s a bad person at his core, but the lack of action/opinion in certain areas just made me wake up and was like oh i don’t love him like that anymore

But also he’s a white man from Kentucky so I shouldn’t have expected much from him in the first place lmao that’s my fault!

(as a black woman w academic parents and from a socialist environment I forget that people… don’t have/grow up with the same mindset? And then that makes itself known and I get shook lmao)

(P.S. I don’t blame or judge others for liking him still!! His aura is very charming and likable I completely understand, I just personally lost interest in him that way)

[sincelastsession]

Justin told me his std and sti results were back. I didn't really enjoy waking up to this information. He seems overly eager to have sex. It's making it harder for me to be comfortable.

I wish I could share the entire exchange I had with Matt today. He was sick but he's a bit better, going to work and acting silly.

I called Travis after seeing the "I don't have stds" text I got this morning. His boss is mad he was on the phone. We usually chat every day. I'm hoping I didn't get him in trouble.

I need to do so much today but I feel frozen up. I miss taking my Adderall. I think it's fucking bullshit that the medical board that isn't even compromised of decent doctors or all psychiatrists would scare my psychiatrist so bad that he can't prescribe what works for me for anxiety, pain, and severe adhd. I have some left over I could try but it seems absolutely pointless. I get so much relief from it mentally. I'm a completely different person and it makes me want to cry trying to communicate without it. I'm aware that xanax Adderall and weed looks and sounds like a terrible cocktail but it worked and I was functioning well. It sucks (can't think of a stronger word) that ppl like those on the medical board can't hear out a patient. I was very responsible and methodical on how I took everything. I've never had issues on that combo. I'm really mad that I have to suffer because some doctors are ignorant and I'm mad at those that abuse these meds (I know addiction is a disease and I don't hate them for that) but it is frustrating for ppl that actually need it. I miss my old psychiatrist. He would have fought the medical board for me.

I'm still frozen up in bed. I need to eat, do laundry, bathe, and get to bed on time.

My Netflix is broken and I'm sad. I'd have to contact my Dad and have him fix it. I could leave and let him come fix the problem but he will go through my things and look at my bank account and possibly take any pain meds he can find. He thinks it's ok to act like this. He's getting around 200 a week on unemployment my mom said.

I think I'm supposed to feel bad for him, that this is a guilt trip. His choices previously have been bad. I bought him a vegetarian cookbook, the exact one his doctor told him to get. It was 50bucks. He never read it. He fried fish the next week. 3 out of 5 of his heart stints are clogged now.

No one has setup anything for me to know what to do if they pass. I have requested this many times. I want to know clear answers on what goes to who and how he wants to be buried etc. But there's nothing I'm aware of set in stone.

He also wants to put a lean on my mom's house so she can't force sell the house after he dies. I haven't told her. I feel terrible knowing this information that I didn't need to know. He had me convinced she was evil. She had me convinced he was bad as well. I don't understand how these people are my parents.

My sister thinks she owns the house because she's been cleaning the hoarder mess but also been stealing and throwing things of mine away. My dad just gives away mine and my mom's things to her. It's fucked up. It's not just one incident. They don't have a proper understanding of boundaries. It feels violating. They don't care how I feel. If they did they'd apologize for hurting me and stop acting that way.

I hope my sister's fiance takes her with him everywhere. I don't want to hear about the drama of it falling apart like it's likely to do. They definitely aren't ready or equipped for marriage. They've both definitely cheated on one another by now is my guess.

My dad is basically grooming my sister to be how he wants. Emotional incest insanity. He did the same shit to me.

I mean pretty much I don't feel like my own person. I guess a goal would be to develop that and help me be able to see it.

I'd also like to try and accept that as I am fat and not losing weight currently due to metabolic issues that I'm gonna have to suck it up.

I feel pretty behind my peers in some aspects but I also know how to do various things and think differently than they do.

How does someone like me find my feminity? How do I get the libido back? Trying to get off by myself isn't even enjoyable anymore.

Yet I have a clean tested man that I'm not being very nice to willing to do everything to fix that in whatever way I desire.

I don't understand the magnetic effect I have on ppl but ppl have told me I am like that.

I feel like a very tired alien.

[chloelefay]

ok hot take: it is not creators' responsibility to make sure children don't see any explicit content. it is literally impossible to keep minors out of online spaces unless you force people to doxx themselves, which I hope I don't have to explain to you why that's a bad idea. it is not abuse to allow minors to see explicit content, if you take reasonable measures to make it clear your work isn't for kids and they watch it anyways that's not your fault for not doing more.

the fact of the matter is that teenagers are going to explore their sexualities and you cannot stop that. I looked up adult stuff on tumblr when I was 15, I snuck into 18+ spaces when I was 16. I was a dumb teenager and I did stuff I wasn't supposed to. it didn't do me any harm. the people who took advantage of me and traumatised me did it actively, they targeted me and actually groomed me and encouraged me. posting 18+ content online doesn't make someone a groomer.

you may have noticed that none of our online presence has any indication of being 18+. we warn about explicit and disturbing content, but I don't give a shit how old you are. if you look at those warnings and you proceed, you're on your own. I did my job. because I know my writing may genuinely help people who are still underaged. because, the adult content I consumed when I was a teenager helped me. when you're alone with a piece of art you have all the power, and it can help you get out of patterns of abuse, process shit, come to terms with it, at your own pace.

teenagers aren't little kids who don't know what they're doing. they're just inexperienced and vulnerable and so easily taken advantage of. but a piece of art on an imageboard can't take advantage of you. it just exists. it's not your fault if you saw something at a young age and it traumatised you, but it's also not the fault of the person who made it or the person who distributed it, unless they showed it to you personally. the internet is an awful place, where you'll encounter awful things. but we live in an awful world. and so awfulness is just a part of all of our lives.

[finsterhund]

the only thing you seem to "take and take" is abuse and pain from everything and everyone including that crazy woman. Just from reading your blog once in a while it's clear to me that you have a hard life but keep fighting through it. Even if you never hear this from anyone else I'm proud of you

Thank you anon. 🥺🥺🥺 I'm trying to make myself feel better about this. It's hard when I'm literally only drywall and shit away from her. I really want to run away and hide. I'm getting people telling me she might be some form of mentally deranged and that she's old enough for things like dementia or even that she did something to the birds herself but I don't want to blame mental illness for her being cruel and mean. Obviously my roommate said we can't move so I guess the only thing to do is wait for her to die as cruel sounding as that is. I see no way that any form of real civility or friendship can come back after this. It's a complete violation of trust. My roommate wanted to chew her out and get mad at her for it being "slander" and "harassment" I don't really know if it's either but I do know that if he confronts her she's going to get worse because that always happens. I miss the nice lady who used to live there. She was nice to Cazza and her cats would say hi to Cazza and she died of cancer just like Cazza. I wonder why this person started off being nice and giving me things only to then do this. I kept trying to tell her not to give me things but she insisted. Was that just her making it so that she could say I take and take? That's another thing that happens. Adults will "give" you things and then expect things from you. But she doesn't seem to want something from me so it's not just yet more grooming like usual. I'm so burned up and exhausted. I told my roommate I'm too scared to leave the house so he's gonna walk Scott from here on out. Hoping that if I buy myself treats and toys it'll comfort me enough to not want to die anymore but no promises. My brain has just been going "Andy die Andy want go thrift store" on loop all night which I guess is preferable to most else.

I kept trying to think of what I actually did to make her do this to me and treat me this way but my roommate said I didn't actually do anything to deserve it and it's a problem with her and she wanted an excuse to be bad and all that which in theory I understand but unlike weirdos on Twitter this is somebody that is right fucking there in the flesh.

She actually early on brought up unprompted how she hopes birds around here stay safe and nothing bad happens to them because "people are horrible" and I have to wonder if that's some sort of weird projection. I have no idea. But as someone who helped a downed nest of baby crows when I was younger and who would shoo off outdoor cats when they were outside my window chasing things up trees it's very insulting to have the blame thrust on me.

[easy-baked-oven]

i didn't get groomed she was just mean!!

[traumatictouch]

why tomura reads like a sexual abuse survivor

ive noticed that a lot of survivors - including me - easily read tomura as a csa survivor. ive decided to try to put these impressions into words, mostly for myself, but also for anyone curious as to why he’s so frequently read this way, or why i personally write him as such. i will mostly be elaborating on the reoccurring sexual assault imagery and csa survivor traits tomura exhibits.

triggering themes ahead, including discussed child sexual abuse, incest (sibling and pseudo), trauma and its effects, and sexual assault imagery (from the bnha manga itself). also spoilers for the most recent manga arc.

(disclaimer: i realize symptoms of trauma are pretty much common all across the board, and depression also comes with a lot of these behaviors - but there are some that crop up more commonly in cases of sexual abuse (especially from a young age) than in others. csa survivors also frequently end up with depression, too, so that doesn't necessarily take away from it.)

i’ll start with the cover above. the hands touching him here are much more expressive than the ones he usually wears. it's also framed in a way where you can't see the ends/cap things very well, and they don't appear so symmetrical, making them feel much more like real, living hands grabbing him.

there's also the fact that his face is exposed, which is something we had rarely seen him do willingly at this point in the manga, and even when he had he was still covered up with a hoodie or completely alone. the way he's covering half his face gives off the impression that he's not okay with the way he's exposed.

all of that, plus the obvious distress tomura is in, gives this very glaring assault vibes.

also, the hands on his head are clearly someone's actual, living hands as well. my guess is afo, especially since they seem to be petting him, which is reoccurring imagery between tomura and afo.

tomura's total lack of privacy

there's a clear lack of boundaries between tomura and the adults in his life. most of the spaces that seem to belong to tomura (the bar - he feels safe enough there to take Father off, and his room) are accompanied by cameras and audio transmissions from afo. he has no privacy, and doesn't even seem bothered by this fact.

he also doesn't seem to set boundaries with other people in general. toga can hold a knife to his neck, spinner can grab him and yell in his face, the doctor can shout over his earpiece, dabi (or anyone, really) can say whatever rude or callous things he wants to him… really the only time i can think of that even comes close was when mr. compress made a joke about working with overhaul and tomura said "hey, not funny."

he seems to kinda just let whatever happen to him. earlier in the series, tomura seemed to rely on kurogiri to notice when he needed space and step in for him rather than ask for it himself. that's a pretty telltale sign of someone who's had their needs and boundaries violated (or even punished) for a long time.

Tomuras over-attachment to afo and his praise/affection

obviously afo groomed tomura whether it involved sexual abuse or not, but it is something that could have easily lended itself to that as well. early in the series, tomura clearly highly valued afos opinion of him, and seemed to strive to please and repay him for his kindness. these are feelings afo incited in him on purpose and did, canonically, take advantage of to turn tomura into a villain and pawn - who's to say he didn't use it for other purposes, too?

it's also the kind of thing survivors tend to latch onto to cope with their abuse. it can be easier to think of the event as being affection, returning a favor, and/or special treatment, than to think of it as abuse. tomura looked up to afo so much that it's possible he could have considered (or been convinced) that it was special that someone as great as afo wanted to do something so intimate with him.

also, if this is really tomura realizing his sensei isn't as special and powerful as he'd been led to believe, then his reaction being to cover up while looking angry might, well… be a reaction to feeling used.

Tomura & older men

there's not a lot of people besides afo that tomura seems very quickly, openly… invested in. there are two major ones i can think of, and they are both 1. older men, and 2. mentor figures (even if not to tomura.)

the most obvious of the two is aizawa, who tomura has seemed pretty fond of since his first appearance and, even in the most recent chapters, can't seem to help but think about how cool aizawa is. aizawa isn't a mentor to tomura, obviously, but he is a teacher and tomura knows this. (and seems impressed by the way he tries to protect the students in his care--something afo very specifically does not do for tomura.)

the second, and perhaps less obvious to most, is Stain. i wrote up a whole post trying (trying.) to explain the way tomura seemed interested in him, and you can see a bit more about that and how tomura was hoping he'd be a mentor to him here.

in other words, tomura has shown reoccurring interest in older men, who are mentors, that he does not show for anyone else.

early sexual abuse can influence a person's attractions. survivors tend to be drawn to what is familiar, even if it hurt, and so it's pretty common for them to be attracted to and/or desire a relationship with those who resemble their abuser(s).

and afo is an older man who is a mentor to tomura (and others.)

immaturity (& age regression)

tomura, in early canon, is often described by characters in-universe as being childish, especially in regards to how he processes his emotions. (i don't really like to conflate these things with "age" or "being childish" - but the way the manga itself presents these qualities is clearly intended to give tomura a immature/childish vibe.)

tomura's emotional processing, simple motivations, fixation with video games, toys littering his room, and need for close caregiving (kurogiri) all give off the impression that he's had trouble developing the way he "”should”" have--kind of like he didn't really move on at all.

this sort of stunted development tends to occur in people with childhood trauma, especially csa survivors. ptsd at its core is the brain getting "stuck" in the moment of trauma, so if the trauma occurred as a child, then one's development is somewhat halted there, especially in areas of emotional processing, because the brain and body have to dedicate so much energy to just trying to cope and survive. it's pretty common for csa survivors to have trouble coping with and controlling their emotions.

relatedly: i have no real way to confirm this right now, but i’ve heard that during the mla arc, while tomura was kind of going in and out of flashbacks, he started switching to using “boku” - a self pronoun for young boys - as opposed to his usual “ore”). ive since had to wonder if this is a reoccurring state for tomura - it might partly explain why he keeps his toys around despite never showing interest in them on-screen, and has such close supervision from kurogiri.

again, age regression can go for any kind of childhood trauma, but seems very common in child sexual abuse survivors in particular.

Lack of hygiene (esp oral)

look at how tomura's teeth are drawn compared to even another villains. dabis teeth are straight and clean, whereas tomura's have holes and chips, and tend to be drawn uneven with wobbly lines, like they're covered in plaque.

not caring for one's hygiene is common for people with depression too - but failure to care for teeth also frequently crops up in survivors of sexual abuse, due to an aversion to things touching or being inside their mouth, because it can remind them of the abuse.

in a similar vein, tomura's hair looks unwashed and greasy to me, especially when it gets long. it sort of gathers in clumps and appears heavy. survivors may avoid taking showers because they aren't comfortable removing their clothes for long periods of time, or because the abuse occurred in proximity to bathing. (which is a convenient time for parental figures to groom and abuse their children, since it already involves them being naked and the parent touching them closely.)

in general, there just seems to be something off about tomura's relationship with his body. maybe it's the way he barely bats an eye at major injuries, doesn't care for his hygiene, self-injures, and didn't mind undergoing a surgery that altered its shape and function pretty heavily--but i get the impression that tomura sees his body as just a tool more than anything.

which, if someone grew up having their body regarded as nothing but a means of pleasure, kind of makes sense.

his clothing

im not sure if this has the same “connotations” (for lack of a better word) for flat chested people, but tomura always wearing a lowcut shirt that shows off a fair amount of his chest, but covering the rest of himself head to toe--including his face--feels significant to me. as well as the way he covers up even more (his hoodie) when he’s stressed. the hands, too--being covered up seems to be calming for him.

the placement of the hands afo gave him

you can't tell me little tenko placed these hands where they are by himself. the ones on his chest aren’t even from his family or meant to resemble them - they’re additional hands afo gave him to wear. pretty weird place for “afo”’s hands to go...

I feel like theres a little bit something to tomura frequently having his clothes ripped off during fights

not that it's particularly uncommon for bnha characters to get their clothes a bit shredded during fights, but i can't help but feel like there's something to tomura getting torn down to nothing but his pants twice, with both battles heavily involving tomura's traumas, including the ones related to afo. the vs mla arc with how tomura met afo and how he turned him into what he is today, then the war arc where the methods afo used to control and abuse tomura (the hands) are brought back again--and afo repeatedly takes tomura's bodily autonomy away from him.

AFO's predatory behaviors

tomuras own behavior aside, All For One himself has some behaviors and imagery that gives off very predatory vibes. i’ll start with Ragdoll…

most people theorize that she was going to be turned into a nomu, but there are two important things here. ragdoll was found 1. alive, and 2. naked. all nomu are made from corpses - if afo had time to take her quirk and undress her, he certainly had time to kill her, especially since three days had passed since she was kidnapped. (and, what benefit would there be to making a nomu out of a quirkless hero?)

her dazed state is also curious - we've never been told taking or giving quirks has a side effect like this, and i would think itd at least wear off after three days…

there's also not actually a lot to suggest she was submerged in one of the tanks (that i know of); in the full body image, she doesn't seem to be soaking wet or anything. there's no water dripping off her. there's just a bit of liquid on her face and neck, which could merely be sweat, or… other fluids.

this next part is more debatable due to it being more dubiously canon (although My Hero: One’s Justice has been known to basically spoil villain related lore before it appears in the manga) - but he has some dialogue that makes him sound... pretty fuckin enthusiastic about sexual violence.

and time and time again, afo has been... very creepy and obsessive about his brother. who happens to look an awful lot like tomura, and is vaguely connected to nana as a user of OFA, and we know how far afo would go to spite both of them.

The "wow this is pretty much confirmed now" page

i always thought i was just projecting when i read tomura as a csa survivor - until i saw this page, which was so viscerally uncomfortable that it made me nauseous. it definitely made me decide i wasn't just reading into things that weren't there. that's not exactly to say this panel 100% confirmed it (though it certainly did in my mind, personally) -- but the imagery here can't not be deliberate.

tomura is literally shirtless and bent over before afo, and sure, afos not completely standing behind him, but that's partially because his lower half is inside of tomura. and from our previous example of afo taking over tomura's body…

i wish i could find the translation i first saw - this is the viz translation, which is notoriously horrible - but the one i read felt much more along the lines of "i saved you, so i get to do what i want with your body."

that is a line of logic that could have EASILY applied to their earlier relationship. the way afo saved tenko was very much on the forefront of tomura's mind early in the series, possibly either an idea he clung onto to justify the abuse he experienced from afo, or something afo personally reminded him of frequently.

also… part of afos body is definitely wrapped around tomura's upper thigh, and in certain panels seems to be emanating from between his legs.

speaking of, tomura's stance is also notable to me. compared to the panel where tomura first realized afo was taking control of him, where his knees are pretty straight on or outwards in a powerful balanced brace, in these panels his knees seem to be bending in towards his body, like he wants to squeeze his legs shut. huh.

i touched on this before, but it's interesting to me that what finally let afo fully take control of tomura's body, was having a hand (one afo very specifically used to control and abuse tomura into doing what he wanted) placed upon his body without permission.

so, all in all, afo is "inside" tomura's body, using it for his own means, against tomura's wishes.

what else does that sound like? no wonder deku feels like tomura needs help, despite everything...

again, this isn't to say that csa is definitely the cause of these things, just that tomura does have an abundance of behaviors and imagery that could easily be read that way.

[mx-barnes]

What’s in a name

Summary: At Thor’s coronation you meet an interesting prince who happens to know what you are going through.

Word Count: 2.1k

Warnings: HOMOPHOBIA (towards reader), mentions of courting, father being an ass, mentions of emotional abuse, telling they reader they will never be good enough/ only a play thing,

A/n: So I wrote this because I really needed Loki to comfort me through coming out to my parents where I said I was non binary and they were less than supportive so this is hella self indulgent. Also sorry if your preferred name is Alexis I just chose a name at random. Gif not my own.

A/n pt.2: So it’s official my a key is dead so I had to paste it💀. So I am hoping to get Sams fic out soon sorry for the delay I wanted to get it out for his bday but it just isn’t ready so it will be in the drafts for a bit longer I am working hard on it. Also requests are open send them in.

Masterlist

Asgard was a truly extraordinary place. The huge palace was just beautiful. Of course, you came from another truly extravagant place as well. It was the royal coronation of Thor Odinson. You heard tales of the soon-to-be king and found him to be boarish, and a huge oaf. He had no sense to rule.

Your mother was pestering you, and saying that you would make a great wife for him. Of course, although you had told her many many times you didn’t wish to be referred to as a female she still did. Her logic is that if you wanted to be male she would support your transition but she couldn’t get behind all of this nonconforming bullshit.

So when anytime she saw a handsome eligible young man who just happened to be single she immediately thinks that you have to marry him.

If you thought your mother was bad your father was even worse. He just stopped talking to you. He only talked to you when you would try and introduce yourself to new people as your preferred name Y/n. He would correct you anytime and say your name was Alexis. You had just given up talking to new people.

You and your father used to be on great terms saying one day that you would take over his rule but now he had been getting close with one of the knights that guarded you. So you figured he was grooming someone to take over for him. He also had been trying to marry you off, and this coronation was just the perfect event.

When you were younger he had always planned to have you marry Prince Thor. He needed Asgard to help protect his kingdom. You had always had a strong dislike to Thor. You had never met the man but you had no interest in the way that he seemed to always find himself in a fight. If it weren’t for his cunning younger brother Loki he probably would’ve died. You never understood why Odin chose Thor over Loki. If you looked at it logically Loki was the obvious choice. He had the skills to rule. Thor was always looking for a fight and besides that, he seemed to be in love with a midguardian girl.

"Hello," a voice startled you out of your thoughts. You turned to see the raven-haired man. He was devilishly handsome. His green eyes were beautiful. His eyes seemed to shift from sea green to a lighter blue. They mainly stayed green but every once in a while they shifted to blue. He looked familiar.

The man cleared his throat bringing you back to reality for the second time tonight. "Oh, the Norns I am so sorry. I guess I was just off in my own world," feeling your cheeks heat up immediately.

"It's alright m'lady." You cringed feeling physically repulsed by the use of lady. Of course, there is no proper way to address you. "I'm sorry did I do something to offend you, m'lady?"

Again the use of m'lady. It clicked into place why he looked familiar he was the second born Prince Loki. "No, I am sorry my prince you did nothing wrong," You curtsied.

After finishing your curtsy the prince spoke. "Please, please just Loki."

"Oh ok."

"Aren't you going to tell me your name?"

"Oh right where are my manners." Your brain was going a mile a minute what were you suppose to say did you introduce yourself as Y/n. No, your father would scold you for that. "It's Alexis," trying your best not to cringe at the use of that name but Loki seemed to catch on.

"If I am may? I would say you don't like that name very much and perhaps you would prefer to go by a different name. I would not judge myself I am genderfluid and go by different pronouns depending on the day. Normally though I go by he/they." He was so easy to talk to. You ended up telling him your preferred name and pronouns. He seemed disgusted when you told him about how your parents took the news.

"I swear some people are still stuck in the 1500s. Wait right here my darling for one second."

He held his hands in the spot where you were standing. "Loki. My prince do not fret over it. Besides they will never change their minds."

"I cannot let this stand at least not while you are on Asgardian land."

"Loki I appreciate but it will just get me in more trouble with my parents. I shouldn't even be talking with you. If my parents found out. Let's just say I fear what would happen. I must find Thor I am supposed to be getting him to like me anyway."

"Wait Y/n what if. What if I don't want you to. What if I wanted to court you. I don't hate your company and besides, you are very beautiful and would make a wonderful royal of Asgard."

Blood rushed to your cheeks at the compliment. "Well, I don't know if my parents would appreciate me marrying a secondborn. Not to lie it is your choice and not that I wouldn't love to but I am assured that they would strike down the proposition almost immediately claiming if Asgard wanted me as some low-level royal they will just marry me off somewhere else. I do wish to be courted by you just from our very small interaction you seem like a genuine person besides your title Loki. Prince of Asgard, God of mischief, lies, and tricks. I have always found you incredibly stunning and cunning. You have always managed to keep your brother out of trouble."

"My dear I do not care what your parents say I can convince them. You forget I have what some would call a silver tongue allowing for me to convince even the most set in stone people. I will not ask without your permission I do not believe that one should not have a choice in who they court."

"Prince Loki you don't have to do this. You could choose any woman that isn't troubled, to court. Why me?"

"Y/n you are the most beautiful person in this room. If I am being honest I have been watching you for a while. While you were standing in this corner by yourself ignoring the men who fell to your knees begging for a dance. I understood the look upon your face one of utter turmoil. While yes I could have any lady or gentleman in this room I choose you. I choose this wonderful intriguing person because Royal Y/n I am smitten."

"There is that silver tongue you talked of," you laughed quietly which lead to Loki's own laugh. That sound on its own is intoxicating. You wished to bask in his warmth every day. Then you heard a shout from across the room.

"Alexis come here I would like to introduce you to someone,"

"I'm sorry to leave you so suddenly Prince Loki but my mother calls."

"Wait why don't I come with you? Give you some backup?"

"If that is what you wish my prince."

Slowly you beginning numbing yourself to the dread you were about to feel overtake you as you follow the direction you heard your mother's come from.

"Ah, Alexis I would like you to meet Prince Thor."

In front of you stood a tall strongly built man. Much different than the brother that stood behind you. His eyes were blue and his hair was long. and blonde. Everything about this gentleman screamed dominance, and power in a more direct way, unlike Loki his power, and dominance was asserted more subtly. His was like a tiger waiting in the bushes for its prey. Thors was brute like a rhino. Brash, and not very smart but yet still effective.

"How do you do, Prince Thor?" you curtsied much like you did when you had met Loki. The blonde prince waved you off more interested in the fact that his brother was behind you.

"I see you found yourself a young lady," you cringe once again as Thor speaks as if you and your mother were not there.

"Well I will leave you two to get acquainted," your mother said as she bowed out. Before she left though she tugged you closer to her speaking directly in your ear. "Do not mess this up this is very important to your father, and our kingdom," and with that, she left.

Tuning back into the conversation between the two brothers. "Y/n is not a lady she does not like the name Alexis. They are much like myself brother preferring not to be confined to the binary such as male and female. Living outside of the binary code. You understand and respect that, right brother?" Loki's voice had an edge to it you hadn't heard in the very short time of knowing him.

"Yes, sibling I understand I will apologize for the incorrect use, and maybe then you can go ask father that burning question you have about courting them. If not then I will ask for you because you two seem perfect for each other. If I am also to believe what their mother said then they are being used as a way to gain protection so as long as Asgard guarantees the protection of their kingdom which I will grant you may court them. But brother I do beg you tell father yourself I do think he should of know this.”

“Brother you don’t understand is that father-"

"Father the should be the least of your worries. You have found someone you connect with. Someone who can and will understand you. Why not take the risk?"

With that, for the first time ever Loki was dumbstruck by his brother. He knew that Thor supported him unconditionally now with this new revelation he was able to get the courage to ask his father for what he wanted, and what he wanted was you. Loki walked up to his father and yours with you trailing beside him. He could feel the nerves rolling off of you in waves. He was nervous but you seemed more so. Before he reached the men he turned to you, stopping you.

"Love, are you sure this is what you want?"

"Loki you make me happier than I have been in a long time you understand me, you care for me, I don't understand why you want me but I am grateful for it. So yes, yes I am sure this is what I want," you confessed honestly.

He just looked at you and nodded before making the rest of the way to the men. Reaching them he began, "King Y/l/n I would like to ask your permission to court Royal Y/n Y/l/n."

Your father scoffed, "I'm sorry who I know of no one by that name if you mean my DAUGHTER Alexis then maybe we can talk but I know of no one by the name Y/n."

You knew this was going to happen so why did you even try. You turned to Loki and began pleading with him to drop it and just use your birth-given name but Loki didn't relent.

"No I mean your child Y/n because, unlike your kingdom, in Asgard, we respect people's names and pronouns so while you are on Asgardian soil you will respect this person's name. So I ask again can I court Y/n Y/l/n?"

"You have no right to speak to me like that. I am King Y/l/n of Muspelheim you will respect me," your father scolded.

"I may not have the right, but your kingdom is in dire need of protection from Asgard. Am I wrong?" Loki questioned your father gave an indifferent nod, so Loki began again, "I am offering you protection for your kingdom all I ask in return is your permission to court Y/n, and that you respect their pronouns, and name. Is that so hard for you? Considering most of your people are being killed from the lack of protection they're given I would take this offer it's an olive branch."

Your dad huffed and puffed out his chest then just nodded and agreed. He turned to you gave you a death glare, and as he was walking by you he said, "You've served your purpose but you will never inherit the throne you will only ever be the second borns play toy."

Loki had heard what your father said, and as he was walking away he bewitched your father making him trip, and fall without grace. You and he stifled a laugh. You realized something as your father was walking away he was and is very emotionally abusive although you will always love him you were done with that chapter of your life, and you were ready to start a new chapter with Loki. For the first time in what felt like forever, you felt free and happy.

[ironwoman359]

You Don’t Own Me (You Don’t Even Know Me)

Chapter 4

Navigation: Ch.1, Ch.2, Ch.3, Ch.4, Ch.5, Ch.6

Summary:  As the son of a Baron, Roman Sanders always knew that when he married, it would be due to a political arrangement rather than true love. Still, when he is sent away to marry an older, more powerful Earl, he is determined to make the best of his situation. Despite the Earl’s indifference towards him, Roman forges ahead and prepares to become the best husband he can possibly be, making new friends along the way. But when his fiancé’s demeanor turns from cold to cruel, Roman must shift all of his focus to survival, and find a way out of his marriage before it’s too late.

Ships: Logince, side Moxiety and Dukeceit

Content Warnings (overall): arranged marriage, abuse, attempted sexual assault, murder, poisoning, character death, hurt/comfort, angst Chapter 4 Warnings: possessive behavior, verbal and physical abuse, angst, allusions to abuse and murder 

Word Count: 4067

Read on AO3: here!

A/N: Co-written with @5-falsehoods-phonated​, check out his masterlist here and check out mine here! 

---

“And when I tried to get down, Remus spooked the pony and it bolted, with me still clinging to the saddle for dear life.” 

Virgil snorted, then immediately brought his hand up to cover his smile. 

“You wound me!” Roman said dramatically, placing a hand on his chest. “Eight-year-old me was certain that his life was going to end, and you’re laughing?” 

“I can’t help that the mental image of you dangling off the saddle of a pony and screaming your head off is the funniest thing I’ve seen all week,” Virgil replied. 

“Be nice, Virgil!” Patton scolded, even as he fought back giggles of his own. “I’m sure it was very scary at the time!” 

“You’re telling me,” Roman agreed. “I wouldn’t set foot near the stables for a month.” 

“I can’t believe that after all that you somehow grew up to be a competent rider,” Virgil said. 

“Well, I probably wouldn’t have if it weren’t for my older brother Remy. He started taking me with him when he went out on his rides; I felt a lot safer riding double with him than I did by myself.”

“Your brothers sound wonderful,” Patton said, smiling. 

“Oh, they’re the absolute worst,” Roman said. “But also I love them more than anyone.” 

“I hope we’ll get to meet them at the wedding!” 

Roman’s smile went brittle around the edges, and he forced himself to nod. 

“I hope so too,” he said quietly. 

Patton’s brow wrinkled, and Roman knew that look, that was Patton’s “I’m worried about you” look, and as much as he had come to view Patton and Virgil as his friends, he wasn’t sure if he was ready to get into the whole “my twin brother ran away from home to escape noble life and I haven’t seen him in years and might never see him again” topic with them just yet. 

“Well this has been great,” Virgil cut in suddenly. “But it’s getting close to midday; I need to get back to work, and you need to get to your little lunch date.” 

“Excuse you, it is a perfectly professional business meeting!” Roman protested, and Virgil rolled his eyes.

“Sure it is. That’s why you meet with Logan every single day and always perk up or get this silly smile on your face whenever you mention something that he said, most of which has nothing to do with business.” 

Roman gave Virgil a deadpan look. “Do you really want me to retaliate right now?” he asked, glancing pointedly at Patton. 

Virgil’s cheeks flushed pink, and he waved Roman away. 

“Go on, then!” he said. “Go have your perfectly professional business meeting.” 

“I will!” Roman said primly, but as he stood to leave, he shot Virgil a grateful smile, and Virgil nodded in return. 

After parting with Patton at the house’s entrance, Roman made the short trek down to the library alone. He hadn’t been sure how he would manage living at the Howard Estate at first, but his life had settled into a predictable yet comfortable routine since the engagement banquet. 

Patton brought breakfast to his room every morning, and after Roman insisted several times that he preferred the company, Patton now stayed to eat with him most mornings. After breakfast, Roman changed into his riding clothes and the two headed down to the stables together, where Virgil was waiting for them with Angel. Roman took his morning ride, and Patton and Virgil did whatever it was they liked to do when they were alone together. 

When he returned, Roman helped Virgil groom Angel, and the three of them often fell into easy conversation with one another. At midday, Roman took his lunch in the library with Logan, and he spent the afternoons on his own, exploring the mansion or indulging in his creative hobbies. All in all, his days were mostly pleasant, until dinnertime, of course. 

His nightly dinner with Lord Howard was, to his disappointment, the most boring and uncomfortable part of Roman’s day. It became clear to Roman after a few attempts of engaging with his fiance that Lord Howard wasn’t even slightly interested in talking with him; what he wanted was somebody to talk at. Roman sat, night after night, and listened to the earl rant about frustrating business partners, idiotic city officials, and even tiny annoyances like a scuff on his boot or a fly in his office. It was difficult to not feel like an emotional punching bag, and Roman always left dinner exhausted from playing the polite, doting fiance that Lord Howard expected him to be. 

Roman stepped into the library, and smiled when he saw Logan sitting at a table beneath a window, the afternoon sun casting golden beams of light through his long hair.

At least there were more positives than negatives to living at this estate. 

“Ah, Roman,” Logan said, smiling as he approached. “Excellent timing, I was just beginning to review my weekly report for Lord Howard. Would you care to assist me?”

“Always,” Roman said, sitting down across from him. 

They poured over the receipts and summaries and work orders together, and Roman couldn’t help but marvel at the sheer amount of work that Logan did every single day. 

“Honestly, Logan, you do almost too much for the earl. Especially considering what he pays you.” 

Roman had seen the payroll receipts for all the staff, and he couldn’t help but be a little insulted on the servants’ behalf. One of the ways Lord Howard kept costs down was clearly at the expense of his staff. 

“While I may agree with your sentiment, the fact of the matter is that if I did not do all this, the estate would fall apart,” Logan said. “And regardless of any...personal feelings about his lordship, there are far too many people who depend on him and his estate for me to consider stopping.” 

Logan paused, frowning as he scanned a document, then sighed. 

“For instance, his lordship neglected to sign off on a shipment of new armor to the city guard, despite my reminding him to do so three times in the last week.” 

He scrawled something along the bottom of the document and set it aside, and Roman raised an eyebrow. 

“Was that Lord Howard’s name you just wrote?” 

Logan fiddled with his glasses, and he glanced around the room before answering. “This is...not the first time that his lordship has neglected his duties on what he perceives to be minor issues. I, uh...take the liberty of correcting such oversights for him.”

“You can forge his handwriting?” Roman translated, and Logan nodded sheepishly. “That’s amazing!” 

Logan blinked, looking up at Roman in clear surprise. “I...it is?” 

“Are you kidding me?” Roman exclaimed. “Of course it is...you’re so talented, Logan, really. I’m not exaggerating when I say you’re wasted as a secretary.” 

“Oh...well, thank you, Roman,” Logan said, his cheeks flushing slightly pink. “I must admit, you also have far more potential than his lordship would care to acknowledge.” 

“I’ll get him to see sense soon,” Roman insisted. “Then maybe together, we can make some real changes around here!” 

“I wish I shared your optimism,” Logan said with a sigh. “But I am glad to share your company, at least.”

It was Roman’s turn to blush, but before he could think of a reply, the sound of footsteps caught his attention, and he looked up to see Patton approaching their table. 

“Sorry for interrupting, Kiddos, but I’ve been asked to fetch Roman here and get him ready.” 

“Get me ready?” Roman asked, and Patton nodded. 

“His lordship requests your presence at a business meeting he has in an hour with other estate holders. I’ve been instructed to dress you for the event and bring you to his lordship.” 

Roman forced down the twinge of discomfort in the back of his mind at the earl choosing an outfit for him like he was some sort of doll, and grinned as he got to his feet. 

“You see, Logan?” he said. “This is our chance!”

“If it is a meeting with other nobility, then I’m afraid I won’t be present,” Logan said. “Lord Howard does not wish for...commoners to be present at such negotiations. He instructs me on what measures need to be taken afterwards.”  

“That’ll be the first thing we change then, once I make him see reason,” Roman said. “You’ll see, this is going to be the start of something great!” 

“I hope you are right,” Logan said with a small smile. “Good luck, Roman.” 

“Thank you, Logan,” Roman said as he followed Patton out of the library. 

I’ll certainly need it. 

--- --- ---

Roman fidgeted uncomfortably in his chair, shooting a glance over to the earl to make sure he hadn’t noticed. The silky fabric that his pants were made of stuck uncomfortably to his skin and made his legs itch horribly, but he had been in similar attire before and had had plenty of practice in the art of keeping his poise while screaming internally. Thankfully, even though he was seated right next to Lord Howard, he had yet to draw his attention. Howard had been too occupied bragging about his various business exports for most of the meeting to pay much attention to him. 

Even through his discomfort, Roman had been learning a lot about his fiance, dutifully keeping mental notes on everything he heard, from which parts of land he had inherited to which ones he had bought or negotiated into owning. Overseas businesses and local investments both let his power reach farther than one might first suspect, and all that put together was what kept the Howard Estate with its acres of land, sprawling mansion and extensive grounds and highly specialized staff all running smoothly. 

It was a lot to manage, so it made sense that Lord Howard had Logan figure out most of the work and only signed off on the most important things himself. Having someone as competent as Logan run things in the background so the true estate head could make the actual appearances as the business leader was a strategy many nobles used to keep their properties under control. 

Craning his neck to look up at his fiance from his lower seat, Roman furrowed his brow in thought. He wondered just how much Logan did that the earl never saw anything about until he reaped the benefits of it. Sure, Logan was extremely capable, but relying entirely on one person to manage everything seemed a bit foolhardy to Roman.

Tuning back into the conversation, Roman perked up as another lord gestured stiffly at a stack of documents in front of him, smooth calculation clear in his tone of voice. Negotiations were something Roman had always prided himself in handling, and handling well. He had often spoken circles around his own father in their practice debates, and it was rare that Roman participated in a discussion without gaining something in his own favor. 

As neither party at the moment looked particularly stressed, Roman figured with a slight twinge of disappointment that such measures shouldn’t be needed this time. He would have liked to show off just a bit and make Lord Howard see what a useful asset he could actually be in their marriage, but he supposed that could wait until a more appropriate opportunity.

“I have most of the influence in this field anyway. Signing your bit of land over to me now would cause fewer problems for you in the future; especially if I don’t have to take it by force when I’m looking to expand.”  Punctuating his statement with a firm tap to the papers, the opposing lord sat back with a satisfied smirk.

The icy glare Lord Howard fixed him with was enough to wipe the smirk fully off his face, however, and he tilted back slightly as the earl leaned forward to fold his hands smoothly in front of him. 

“I’m not in the habit of signing away what’s rightfully mine, Lord Rilken, Baron of Vilvik.”

Roman flinched slightly at the way he practically spat the other man’s title…a title he shared, and had never once felt insecure about until this very moment. The way he spoke to these men, these people in positions of power, like they were nothing but dirt to be brushed off his own much more impressive riches- it was enough to make Roman want to run all the way back to his own estate and beg for another way, plead to wait for someone else to ask for his hand or to find someone himself. He stiffened in his seat and shook the irrational thoughts away. 

No, this is how one played the game when negotiating important matters. Put up a cold and intimidating front until the other person backed down or bent to your own suggestions. If anything, Lord Howard's act was admirable; it almost immediately shut down any arguments, even if it hardly held any semblance of tact. Realizing this would be a good opportunity to show his skills, Roman leaned forward and placed his own hands on the table in front of him, gaining the attention of the opposing business owners quickly.

“It might prove advantageous to you both to simply form a partnership and share the land and business potential it holds. With as much power as the both of you hold over this branch, you’d be able to expand much faster and reap more benefits than you would if you spent all of your time attempting to take control over the others’ sections.” Pleased with himself, Roman glanced over to Lord Howard, expecting at least to have impressed him since he hadn’t really had the time to explain all that he had been trained in and what he could bring to the estate with their union. 

However, as he met Lord Howard’s eyes, ice ran through his veins. The earl was glaring, staring him down like a particularly resilient bug that he could hardly wait to smash beneath a steel-toed boot. The room went so quiet that Roman could swear that the other nobles were holding their breath, and glancing around in his peripherals, he saw everyone sitting around the table gawking at him as if he’d just committed high treason. Had he really said something so wrong? Was this not what was customary, nay, expected behavior of the soon to be co-owner of the estate? Shrinking down slightly as his ears burned red, he finally lowered his eyes as the earl turned away. Roman heard him take a deep breath before saying in a deliberately controlled voice:

“You must forgive my fiance, he hails from a country estate you see; he isn’t accustomed to the way things work here yet. If you would be so kind as to excuse us for just a moment so that I may explain a few things?” Not waiting for an answer, the earl stood and held out his hand for Roman to take. “If you would step into the hall with me, dearest?”

Recognizing the order under the request, Roman stood quickly and took Lord Howard’s hand, wincing at how tightly he was gripped and practically dragged out of the room. The door was opened just a bit too forcefully to calm his nerves in the slightest and he watched as Lord Howard seemed to barely refrain from slamming it back closed, instead closing it with deliberate calm before whirling around to face him and jerking his hand out of Roman’s to tower before him.

“Let me make this perfectly clear, you do not speak out of turn in these meetings. You do not speak above me or-”

“But I didn’t! I was only-” Roman didn’t register what the dull smacking sound echoing in his ears and making them ring was until pain bloomed and spread from his lower jaw to his entire cheek. Raising his hand to his face in disbelief, he felt a bit of wetness and looked to see blood on his fingertips. Fear and horror twisted in his gut as he realized one of Lord Howard’s rings must have caught on his cheek and opened a cut. His jaw ached and his teeth felt numb; the blow had been hard enough to rattle them in his skull. Romans looked up and flinched as he saw Howard’s hand still raised to strike should he choose to speak again, and he shrunk in on himself in an attempt to seem too small to expend more energy on.

“You,” The earl spat, “do not speak above me, or make suggestions on my behalf. You are not here to offer up useless opinions that were not asked for or needed. You were brought into that room to sit obediently and look pretty on my arm and that is the full extent that your role will ever be. Have I made myself clear?”

Roman hesitated for just a second too long, and Lord Howard reached down to grip his chin, tipping his head so he had no choice but to look his assailant directly in the eyes. “My dear, I believe I asked you a question, and I expect an answer.”

Biting back a whimper Roman nodded as much as he could with his face trapped in the steely grip. “Yes my lord, I understand perfectly. I apologize for overstepping, it won’t happen again.”

The answer, as demeaning as it had felt to say, seemed to appease the still seething man, and Howard dropped his chin and stepped back with a wolfish smile. 

“Very good, see to it that it doesn’t. Now, I believe we’ve been here long enough. If you’re done blubbering, you may join me.”

Startling a bit at the choice of phrasing, Roman hesitantly reached up to touch his face, wincing as he realized there was more than just blood on his cheeks. Taking a deep breath, he carefully wiped the tears away before plastering on a small smile and moving to stand just behind the earl. He was loath to go back into the room like this, humiliation and blood reddening his cheeks, but he didn’t dare speak up for fear of more punishment. As Lord Howard opened the door and moved back to his place at the head of the table, he hardly spared Roman another glance, and Roman had no choice but to meekly follow. 

Sitting down, Roman realized most of the people at the table were staring at him like one would a fresh kill, their expressions a mixture of pity and approval while they averted their eyes. Sinking down even lower as the meeting resumed, he realized this was to be the second part of his punishment. He was to learn and remember his role as Lord Howard’s betrothed and eventual husband. Sit still and look pretty, step a toe out of line and be punished, and make sure everyone in the room knew that the power held over him was just as absolute as the power the earl held over everything else. 

“I’m pleased to know some people still know how to keep common folk in line. Truly, the disrespect-” Roman’s ears rang as someone close by whispered to another just loud enough for him to overhear, making him want to sink down even lower and let the floor swallow him. 

The meeting continued on for what seemed like forever, but unlike before, Roman didn’t absorb a single word of what was said. The voices of the other lords washed over him as he sat as still as he could, hands clenched in his lap to keep them from trembling. When at last Lord Howard stood, Roman almost stood up next to him, but caught himself just in time and sent a questioning glance up at his fiance. 

Lord Howard’s lips curled into a smile, and he held his arm out to Roman in invitation. Roman swallowed down his revulsion and stood, slipping his arm into the earl’s and schooling his face into a pretty smile. Lord Howard covered Roman’s hand with his own, and Roman’s skin burned at the touch. 

“Well gentlemen, this concludes our discussion for the day, I do thank you all for coming.” 

One by one the nobles stood, nodding to Lord Howard as they filed out of the room. Roman’s cheeks heated as several of them swept their eyes over him as they passed, their gazes lingering on the bruise blooming on his face. When at last, every one of them was gone, Lord Howard turned his attention to Roman, all false pleasantries gone from his expression. 

“I trust that after today, any...confusion about your role here has been cleared up?” he asked, his voice low and dangerous. 

“Yes, my lord,” Roman whispered, and the earl smiled. 

“Good. Now go clean yourself up. Dinner is at seven o’clock sharp, and I expect you to look presentable.” 

“Yes, my lord,” Roman repeated, and as soon as Lord Howard dropped his arm, he practically bolted from the room. 

He hurried through the corridors of the mansion, head down and eyes stinging. When he finally reached his room, he all but slammed the door behind him, and collapsed to the floor, his shoulders shaking as he released the sob he’d been holding back for the past hour. 

He let himself cry, for how long, he wasn’t sure, not only for the sting on his cheek and the shame that came with it, but for every doubt, every grief, every pain that he’d pushed down and bottled up over the past month.  

After everything he’d been through, everything he’d sacrificed, was this really his fate? Chained forever to a man who only saw him as something to own, to display, to use... 

Roman lifted his head slowly. 

“Remember all that we've taught you, and you'll do fine." 

His father had taught him everything he knew about business, about politics, about matters of the state. He knew how to act with decorum, how to spot an opportunity, and how to charm a room while negotiating, all thanks to his father’s teachings. 

But now, with tears running down his face and a bruise blossoming on his cheek, he remembered another set of lessons. 

Lessons his mother had given him as a teenager, after time had run its course and he was no longer the slightly awkward, gangly kid he had once been. 

“You’ve grown into a handsome young man,” his mother had said to him on his eighteenth birthday. “Your father believes that when you are married, it will be purely for political reasons. You need to know that this may not be the case.” 

Roman had tried to forget the lessons his mother had passed down to him, had told himself that he would never need them...but here he was, sobbing on the floor, the first of what he knew would be many marks on his skin if he didn’t tread carefully. 

Roman learned everything he knew about running an estate from his father, but he learned everything about acting from his mother. Thanks to her, he knew how to conceal his emotions, how to smile when his stomach rolled over and how to sigh when his skin burned. He knew how to mold himself into the perfect husband, because if he did not let himself be molded he would find himself broken before it was too late. 

“Too late for what, mother?” the younger him had asked, eyes wide and horrified, and she’d smiled in a way he’d never seen before. 

“Did I ever tell you the story of how your grandfather died?” 

Roman knew what situations were most likely to result in “accidents,” what weapons were easily concealed and what poisons were difficult to detect. He knew how to pluck a nose hair to bring tears to his eyes and slap his cheeks so they appeared flushed. He knew how to appear calm and collected when he was suffering, and how to appear stricken with grief when all he felt was relief. 

He had been preparing for marriage his whole life...every kind of marriage. And now that he knew the kind of husband that Lord Howard really wanted, he knew exactly what kind of husband he was going to be. 

Even if he wouldn’t be one for very long. 

--- --- ---

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[jitterbugjive]

Something I wish more people would understand is how unhealthy and misguided I was in my early 20s. I came out of a life of mental and sexual abuse, for a bit I had a much older boyfriend than me that I didn’t realize until fairly recently was grooming me since I was 14. I was a hyper sexual teenager due to the exposure I had in childhood and I sought people out constantly to ERP with, even adults, without really thinking anything was wrong with that. I had an old friend who started running away from home to look for random adult men to sleep with so my understanding and feelings towards that kind of situation got all twisted and confused and I didn’t know how to help my friend. I had another friend who was pulled in to a 3 way by another minor and an adult, and the other minor was also the sort who actively looked for adult men who would be sick enough to sleep with her. And my best friend had a sister who was also exhibiting this behavior despite my friends’ many protests, because their mom didn’t give a single fuck about anything. I had an older babysitter, by older I mean in his 60s, who would bring up conversations about sex with me and show me porn on TV from when  I was 10-13. I was dealing with unchecked PTSD which made me overly reactive, prone to fits of anger and anxiety.

My point is, back then I didn’t have any kind of professional help or anywhere I could go for answers on things I didn’t understand or had a limited understanding of. When I ask the question ‘what do you do if a kid is seeking out adult sexual attention’ it’s not because I’m trying to blame kids for this, it’s because it scares me when kids are unknowingly, maybe even knowingly, exposing themselves to danger for whatever screwed up reason they may have. And no one wants to talk about that kind of situation, so I couldn’t find any answers. I couldn’t find an appropriate way to process my feelings on the matter, my understanding of it, the way I viewed it, I couldn’t find what the correct way to feel or deal with it was. Again, because no one wants to talk about it. With my naivety and personal experience, I at first held resentment towards kids like that, because I remember being put in danger because of them or they put my friends in danger, and those kids seemed very sure of their choices even when they were perfectly aware it was wrong. One of them I knew, even as an adult, didn’t ever think anything was wrong with what they did, they didn’t come with that regret you hear most people talking about. I regret the way I’ve reacted to these situations and I regret the way I phrased things when I was trying to come to terms with this issue that I’d been honestly traumatized by.

Another thing I didn’t understand in my early 20s was appropriate boundaries, because I wasn’t given appropriate boundaries as a kid I only knew one big basic thing: Don’t do anything sexually explicit with minors.

And when it came to RP, I thought that meant PG13 content was okay. I thought if there was a fade to black, or a time skip, or an implication, it wouldn’t be a bad thing. Now, there are literally only 2 instances I can think of where there was any sort of implication of sexual acts between characters with a minor, I still made sure nothing explicit was shown or explored and I was of the impression that I was just letting the other person have fun because that’s what they were in to. And that was a mistake. Not as big of a mistake as it could have been, mind you, but I’d never cross that line. I thought I had a good line drawn in the sand but I didn’t really understand where it was supposed to be. Because if we’re gonna be honest here, looking back I know now even romantic fluff RP between an adult and a minor isn’t okay, even if it’s through characters and not as ourselves.

I know now how much of an emotional impact RP can have on a person, considering most of my romantic relationships started with RP. When you have a character you deeply connect to interacting with someone else’s character, it’s really easy to start mistaking your character’s feelings for your own. You could believe because your characters get along so well that maybe the two of you can get along romantically too. I’m not saying that RP shouldn’t lead to romance, but that it can easily blind a person from how their RP partner really is. So it’s dangerous to RP with kids like this. I should know, my abusive ex that groomed me until I turned 18 in order to date me certainly had me convinced we were meant for each other just because our characters clicked and my character happened to be a representation of myself.

Something I’m really ashamed to admit as well is a serious misjudgement on my part, where for some reason I assumed bodily fluids weren’t NSFW. Probably because I’ve seen people get away with censoring out naughty bits but leaving the spunk in an image, or just drawing the character with spunk on them or something. Point is, people were getting away with it not being flagged as porn, and my dumb brain was like ‘okay so it’s not that bad’. I need to make something clear here, I don’t entirely remember what happened or why it happened, but it’s true that Bedeviled Derpy had a post that showed spunk in 2 of the images and it was drawn from some sketches of mine by a teenager. I don’t believe I would have requested such a thing, I certainly didn’t script it to say ‘draw spunk here’, in fact the sketches don’t show any indication of a mess anywhere. I just remember being given the finished images with the spunk being added, and I was dumb enough to think “oh yeah this is totally okay for a SFW blog” and my brain didn’t even register like ‘hello yes a child drew this maybe ask them to remove the spunk also spunk isn’t sfw or child friendly in any way shape or form’

Some people, maybe only a handful, or more, I don’t know, but some people have this assumption that my mindset in all of this was like “Hahaha I’m taking advantage of a minor” and that’s just... not it?

I’m a colossal dumbass, I admit that, and I was really irresponsible, but it was NOT because I had any intentions on preying on a child. I just don’t do that.

The things I said and did, I did out of ignorance, and most of the bad stuff people talk about me saying was from 5+ years ago, before I got any help, before I had anyone to walk me through these incredibly complex emotions and opinions that were ingrained in my head since childhood.

I just wish that people could see I had no malice or ill intent, I wish people could realize they’re way overthinking my actions and taking things a lot more personally than they were ever meant to be. Maybe if they could see this for what it is rather than assuming I’m a villain who purposefully did everything wrong, they could learn to move on in a healthy way.

I understand I did a lot of harm and there’s no undoing that.

But I do NOT deserve to be accused of pedophilia. Pedophilia has literally ruined my life and my perception of the world. I’m a victim too, and just because I became an adult doesn’t mean I suddenly know right from wrong. That’s not how becoming an adult works. You’re allowed to make mistakes as an adult, being an adult doesn’t mean you won’t make mistakes any more. Yes it’s easier to say to someone ‘you were just a kid, it was a mistake, you didn’t know any better’, but adults have a hard time knowing ‘any better’ too. We’re always growing and learning and I’d like to think people are smart enough to see that I have grown in to a better person.

I hope people can find it in their hearts to forgive me, but I fear some people are too far gone down the rabbit hole of being convinced that everything was on purpose and from malice, that I’m some evil mastermind who thrives on manipulation and taking advantage of kids. I’ve only ever associated with 2 minors since becoming an adult and I have no intention of associating with any more that aren’t directly connected to my family or my friends.

Anyone who actually knows me would know I have a 0 tolerance for IRL pedophilia, when I found out a member of one of my groups was showing nudes to minors he was immediately kicked out and I kept tabs on the situation to make sure he’d be caught by police. When a member in my server was exposed for ERP and orbiting with a minor, I kicked him out too.

I worry about kids to a point that it’s part of my PTSD, I have anxiety attacks just worrying about how a kid might be getting harmed, the last thing I want to do is bring harm to them.

And I did cause harm, I didn’t know that was what I was doing, but I did, because I wasn’t mature enough to understand how to interact with kids as an adult. And again, I’m just incredibly sorry things had to even come to this. I’m not lying when I say I think about this every single day, and sometimes spiral in to really bad anxiety because of it. It affects me heavily.

I want to move on.

And I want the people affected to move on too.

Because dwelling on this isn’t going to do anyone any good.

[cc-tinslebee]

ive heard some pretty unsavory things ab you from someone and i want to clear them up if thats ok?

- do you ship hellcheer (eddie x chrissy)

- are you a billy hargrove apologist?

- do you call charlie nuwanda?

ok that's all i just wanna know

I wish I could say that I’m not a little hurt hearing this, that someone is gossiping about me like this, but I suppose I can’t help what other people do. I’ll try my best to explain my side.

I hope this clears things up. @j9grd I really appreciate you bringing this up to me and giving me the chance to share my side. The last thing I want is for anyone to be hurt by the things I post. And — as a general note — if anyone sees anything on my blog that is incorrect or offensive, I understand just hitting the block button, but if you’re willing and able to reach out to me to correct me, I will listen to you and attempt to correct myself. I’m only human, still learning and willing to do so.

1. Do I ship hellcheer?

The answer is a little more complicated than yes or no. I like the actors’ chemistry, I agree with Joseph Quinn and Grace Van Dien’s comments about the two, and the dynamics of the ship are very appealing to me. Ultimately, however, I think in my mind, the ship works best in the context of them reuniting in the future, when they’re both grown adults, and Chrissy has come more into her own and become the person that SHE wants to be, not who her parents and Jason want her to be.

I feel like the underlying question here isn’t about them in particular, but rather the discomfort surrounding the age. And let me tell you, I’m very vocal about uncomfortable age gaps in media. The Billy/Karen situation sickens me, but even more than that, I understand that even amongst teenagers, there can be gross power dynamics. I’ve witnessed first hand the grooming of a freshman friend at the hands of a senior.

Ultimately, I have very strict rules in terms of shipping and age gaps. I think that if your partner will be old enough to drink whole you’re still in high school, that relationship should probably not be happening. In terms of adults, however, usually I prefer no larger than 11 year age differences.

2. Am I a Billy Hargrove apologist?

I made a post about this, actually, but the tdlr is that I’ve been attached to Billy’s character for a while, but am just now realising I don’t like him that much. I just want more for him.

He’s an example of a messy abuse victim. And, unfortunately, the reality of the fact is abuse victims still living in that situation are not going to be perfect or even good people.

Billy has racist ideologies. He’s violent. It’s all he’s ever known.

But the way some people, especially on TikTok, talk about him, like he deserved to die, doesn’t sit right with me. Because another reality is that the way you talk about abuse victims in fiction effects the people they mirror.

And by all means! Tear fictional racists a new one! Seriously, I wholeheartedly mean it! Racists shouldn’t get to feel safe in their ideologies, because they don’t let anyone else feel safe with it.

But saying that an abuse victim — not yet able to leave his situation and grow — deserves to die? It doesn’t do anyone any good.

The bottom line in my mind is, I like fanon Billy. That’s the character I like. The one who worked through his shit and actively became a better person. The one who apologises to Lucas and Max for being shitty to them without expecting forgiveness. The one who protects Max and the kids. The one who had a chance and took it.

3. Do I call Charlie “Nuwanda”?

Short answer is: no.

I initially did when starting out in the DPS fandom, but quickly discovered the problems with his chosen name, as @j9grd so kindly provided the link to in the ask (thank you, by the way). To me, Charlie choosing that name is a prime example of what I’ve witnessed online, which is (some) white trans choosing name from other cultures as their own; which is a problem as non-white people have been mocked for having those same/similar names while white people are praised for it.

I’ve written, I believe, a singular fic where Todd calls Charlie “Nuwanda,” though I was sure to disclaim in the notes that it was a display of Todd’s respect for Charlie (a canon observance, that after Charlie’s announcement, Todd hardly called him by his birth name again), not my own point of view, hopefully reinforced by the fact the name was only uttered in dialogue, not the actions and descriptors. I’ve also posted a fic on behalf of my friend where Neil notes that he’s having a hard time getting used to Charlie’s name change, but respects it. Again, this was out of characterisation, not agreement. In the informal sequel to this fic, my friend, the author, has Charlie realise he needs to find a name that better suits him (one that’s not a mockery of a culture that is not his own).

I would like to say, in the light of the Stranger Things questions, I will be minimising what I post regarding Billy and Eddie as I do not wish for my intentions to be misinterpreted further.

Thank you for your time.

[butterflyinthewell]

Important online safety message to minors.

I’m almost 40. I’ve seen some scary stuff online.

It’s a sad world that someone has to tell you to be more situationally aware of creeps, but I hope this advice helps you be safer online.

🗣

You don’t have to specify your age, but make sure it’s clearly known that you are a minor if an adult engages you online.

If it makes you more comfortable, you can put something on your profile like “I am a minor, 18+ please do not interact.” Add it to your posts too if you have room (it depends on the site). One unfortunate part of Web 2.0 social media is not everyone checks a profile before they retweet / reblog / share someone’s stuff.

If an adult keeps engaging with your stuff and you don’t want them to, it’s okay to block them.

Stay away from spaces adults have marked as nsfw, off-limits to minors or unsafe for minors. Chances are there is material in those spaces that you may not be ready for, or it will shock, offend, frighten, disgust and/or trigger you.

Some adults will pretend to be minors, and unfortunately I don’t know what kind of “tells” give away that they’re lying about their age, but I’m sure someone who knows more about that can reblog this and add that info.

Now, here’s what to do if a creepy adult starts creeping.

If their profile states they’re a MAP or NOMAP, block instantly. MAP / NOMAP means Minor Attracted Person / Non-Offending Minor Attracted Person. These people are pedophiles. Some of them identify themselves with the acronym PEAR or the pear emoji. 🍐 Be wary if you see this in someone’s profile info.

PEAR stands for Pro-Expression Anti-Repression. That’s something you apply to fiction, NOT reality. Fiction can be turned off, flicked off a screen, a book closed or otherwise disengaged from the moment someone doesn’t like it. Real life doesn’t work that way, and don’t trust anyone who claims it does.

It doesn’t matter if a MAP / NOMAP claims they’re getting “help” for their pedophilia or not, they should not be engaging you in any capacity.

If you engage them and discover they’re a MAP, disengage and block.

If an adult sends you anything that is sexually explicit, no matter the form, be it art, fanwork, videos, audio, roleplays, etc, screenshot it for evidence, block that person and tell someone you can trust.

Even nudity that is not sexual (this includes furry art with exposed genitals) should be treated as suspicious if an adult knows you’re a minor and still sends it to you despite being told you’re uncomfortable with it. They might be trying to desensitize you to the sight of nudity so they can show you more and more explicit stuff. Do as above; screenshot, block and report to someone you trust.

+ Part of the grooming process is the adult tries to reach you somewhere private, like DM’s or a messenger app and desensitize you to stimuli you would normally reject by exposing you little by little to it. Think of it as a twisted form of exposure therapy for phobias, but you don’t want this exposure. They want you to get curious and will up the ”intensity” of the explicit material.

The media itself existing is not the problem (unless the adult using it on you made it), the real problem is adult using it specifically to desensitize you into thinking that kind of stuff is okay in the real world. If an adult engages you, shows you media with questionable material in it and tries to tell you “see, it’s okay because it’s being done here” screenshot it, tell them fiction is not the real world and break off contact.

Most creeps stay hidden, so their blog may not contain a trace of anything weird, but when they engage you they send you all kinds of creepy adult stuff. An adult who is engaging you to groom you will use pretty much anything to try to make you think it’s normal and okay for them to do that to you. Remember always that it’s not. Remember the line between fiction and reality.

No adult should be sending a minor any pictures of naked people (or naked furry art with visible genitals) of any age no matter how innocent it seems!!!

If an adult sends you pictures or videos of themselves in their underwear, naked, showing their genitals or showing themselves doing sexually explicit stuff, screenshot the evidence, block them and report it to someone you trust.

If an adult asks you about sex toys or sends you info about them, that is really suspicious. Screencap, block and report to someone you trust.

If an adult asks you questions about your body, like what your hair ‘down there’ looks like, or how you’re developing, or if they ask if you touch your private parts, screenshot the evidence, block the adult and tell someone you trust.

If an adult asks you questions like “do you know what a (something sexual here) is?” or any questions that are sexually explicit or makes you uncomfortable, screenshot that crap, block them and tell someone you trust.

If you’re a creator and an adult tries to commission materials with nudity or sexually explicit stuff, refuse and tell them you’re a minor. If they persist, take screenshots, block them and tell someone you trust.

If an adult sends you violent or gory stuff and you don’t like it, demand that they stop and block them if they don’t. Screenshot anything they say if they keep doing it, and tell someone you trust.

If an adult demands you get on camera for them, do not do it. Screenshot the evidence, block them and tell someone you trust.

If an adult is threatening to reveal secrets you told them unless you do what they say(ie “send me a closeup of your private parts, or I’ll email all our chatlogs and your old naked photos to your whole school”). DON’T DO IT!! Screenshot the evidence, block them and tell someone you trust.

If an adult threatens to hurt themselves if you stop talking to them, stop talking to them anyway. This is especially true if they actually harm themselves and show you pictures or videos of it. That is a classic abuse tactic and it’s not your fault if they hurt themselves. Block them.

If an adult you blocked makes more accounts to keep contacting you, or starts showing up on other sites you visit trying to contact you, screenshot all the evidence and tell someone you trust.

If an adult (or anyone)tries to smear your name because you wouldn’t obey them, use any evidence you have against them in your defense and tell someone you trust about the situation.

If you run a blog talking about your abuse or experiences and an adult engages you to ask uncomfortable probing questions about the details of your trauma / abuse, be very suspicious and block them.

If an adult talks to you like you’re their special friend, or if they say you’re their very special friend, be very suspicious.

Acting like a sole source of kindness is one way an adult can groom a minor. They want you to feel like they are the only source of good that you can trust because they want you to gravitate more and more to them.

If you tell an adult you don’t like it when they swear while talking to you privately and they stop, but gradually start to do it again, be wary! An occasional oopsie slip or typo is one thing, but slipping in swear words when they know it makes you uncomfortable is suspicious. They may be testing your boundaries.

If an adult tries to set up an in person meeting, refuse it and talk to someone you trust about it.

If an adult (or anyone) tries to tell you that you should only trust them and nobody else, expects you to behave a certain way to be accepted, or if they act as if you’ve wronged them for trusting people other than them, that is a huge abuse warning sign. They are not safe to be around and you should break contact immediately.

If an adult compliments you in ways that makes you uncomfortable, break contact. A grown adult should not be telling a minor “you’re sexy” or “you’re hot.”

If an adult makes frequent comments about how mature and grown up they think you are, be suspicious.

If an adult learns you’re trans / non-binary and asks questions about your private parts or whether you plan to get surgery, be suspicious.

If an adult asks if you’re alone at home, say no even if you are.

If an adult asks if they can come visit you, say no.

If an adult asks for your phone number, don’t give it to them, no matter how nice or tempting they may be.

If an adult is making you uncomfortable in any way, it’s okay to block them and disengage.

Do not approach an adult with nsfw stuff you made. If they run across it in public on your blog that’s one thing. Sharing it with them in private can get both of you into trouble. Don’t do it.

🗣

Note: if you, a minor, did any of the above because you didn’t know better at the time, know that you are not a bad person. No adult should take advantage of your youth or innocence to hurt you.

🗣

To adults out there:

Do not approach minors with anything sexually explicit!!! This should not need to be said.

If you send something and find out they’re a minor after the fact, apologize and don’t do it again. If you think it’s proper to avoid any more private contact, do that. If you think breaking all contact period is proper, do that.

Make sure minors know you are over 18, whether it’s somewhere on your profile or tacked onto your posts. Something like “over 18, minors DNI” is helpful. I personally have my year of birth (1980) on my profile because that’s easier than changing a number every year.

You can’t prevent minors who fake their age to see naughty stuff from engaging with your stuff, but you can make it clear that you will not engage them back. And do not engage them. In fact, if you’re worried about that, block them when you discover them.

Private conversations with minors is okay, but make sure you tell them you’re not comfortable talking about something if they mention something sexually explicit. Even if it’s fandom related stuff, keep the conversation away from anything more than talking about characters dating or kissing or whatever.

If something you ship has an underage character, do not talk about it in private with a minor, not even if the character is aged up to adulthood.

Got nsfw stuff on your blog? Tag it that way.

I use “n s f w post” for stuff I want to show up in other related tags, “nsfw post” for reblogs, and “nudity” for nonsexual nudity like mermaids with bare chests or artistic nudes. Those tags are specifically for minors to blacklist or mute. (I don’t usually reblog nsfw artwork, but sometimes I post nsfw fanfics, create nsfw text posts or reblog nsfw text posts / fanfic. If I feel it’s nsfw, I tag it such even if most people don’t think it’s nsfw.)

If it’s fanfiction, I make sure the rating is listed and that it’s nsfw, and I try to warn for triggers as best I can.

If your blog or website features a lot of adult or violent content, mark it 18+ and tell minors to not interact.

If a minor approaches you and tells you a harmless secret, fine, keep it secret. You, the adult, should never approach a minor and tell them you will keep their secrets.

If a minor is expressing a desire to harm themselves or someone else, don’t keep that secret. Tell them to talk to someone they trust irl or put them in contact with a hotline or website where they can get help. Be supportive in talking them down from immediate harm, but do not become their therapist. (It’s tempting, you see a kid in trouble and want to help, but always be careful!)

If a minor tells you they’re being abused by an adult in their life, put them in contact a website or phone number where they can seek help. Be supportive and listen, but don’t become their therapist.

If you run a role play blog, state explicitly that you will not engage in nsfw rps with minors.

If you’re roleplaying with a minor and the story takes a nsfw turn, tell the minor you will not role play a sex scene with them no matter how much they want to. Either fade it to black with a time skip or bail out of the rp.

I say this because I forgot the age of someone I was rping with on AIM a long long loooong time ago and it got explicit, and they got in trouble with their parents for it. Their parents contacted me on AIM without their teen’s knowledge and reamed me out so hard I was scared for weeks. They were right to do so! I told them they were right, apologized profusely and swore to never rp with or speak to their teen on AIM ever again, and they agreed to those terms. I kept that promise. Any contact with that former rp partner was done in public, such as via deviantart comments or LiveJournal comments. It was a major learning experience for me and it stuck because this happened almost 20 years ago.

As an autistic adult I feel more like a kid with all kinds of adult knowledge and privileges (ie can gamble, drink, visit adult places) that most kids don’t have. I relate more to people who are younger than me, but that doesn’t give me the right to assume their level of knowledge or lived experience is equal to mine.

What I’m trying to say is always be aware of the age of the person you’re rping or speaking with!

Do not commission sexually explicit or violent stuff from creators who are minors.

Do not engage with a minor who sends you sexually explicit stuff. Tell them that’s inappropriate or you’re not comfortable with getting that from them.

It’s okay to agree with a minor that an adult celebrity or character they have a crush on is attractive or whatever, but if the celebrity / character is a minor or the minor talks about wanting to have sex with that character / celebrity, tell them that’s not an appropriate topic of conversation because of your ages.

This also applies to them sharing fanworks with you depicting explicit nsfw stuff. Deflect them and tell them it’s not appropriate due to your ages.

Do not ask minor for personal info like their school, phone number or address.

Don’t do any video chats with a minor unless they’re family or it’s a group thing like a Zoom event.

‼️ TAG YOUR STUFF APPOPRIATELY!! YES, EVEN STUFF YOU RESHARE!!

‼️ USE APPROPRIATE WARNINGS!! YES, EVEN STUFF YOU RESHARE!!

[hereticalmother]

✝ PARALLELS BETWEEN VAL AND BLAKE ✝

[personals can reblog! This is general game analysis and not RP specific.]

Outlast 2 makes it very clear that there are parallels between Blake's past abuser, Father Loutermilch, and his current abuser, Val. But, what I find more interesting are the parallels between Blake himself and Val. 

She's symbolic of Blake's past trauma, but not only of Loutermilch; she's simultaneously Loutermilch, Blake himself, and Blake's guilt and self loathing as a result of his abuse. She's symbolic of every person involved and of the emotions Blake felt both at the time and now looking back on it. 

I think a large part of what makes her such an effective antagonist to Blake is how much she mirrors him. Val is what Blake could've turned into, and what Loutermilch tried to convince him that he was. 

[continued under the cut]

✝ BLAKE AND VAL'S HISTORY ✝

Blake and Val are both very driven by their past trauma, which, in both cases, stems from being groomed by religious leaders. 

Blake saw his teacher, Father Loutermilch, murder his childhood best friend, Jessica, after months (if not years) of sexual abuse. Val was ordered by the leader of the cult she had been raised in to murder her adopted children. 

I think it's easy for people to say that Blake witnessed a murder while Val committed a murder, but Val's situation isn't so black and white. Val does a lot of bad things that are absolutely her own choice, but I don't think the deaths of her children can be included. She truly had no other choice. She was forced. Her life was at stake, as were the lives of her other children.

She could kill them quickly and as painlessly as she could, continue taking care of her living children despite the fear that she may be ordered to kill them next, or refuse. Refusal would mean someone else would kill them, not quickly, not painlessly, and that she would no longer be around to care for the others (who may be killed prematurely as a result of that, or even killed just to punish her.) There was no option that could save their lives. 

In both cases, their trauma revolved around the death of a child/loved one at the hands of a religious leader that they had always been taught to trust. Following the deaths, they were made to believe that they were responsible for these deaths and that they were perverse, sinful, people for their involvement. 

✝ DIFFERENCES ✝

This brings us to the differences in their situations. Blake was a child, and knew only to trust teachers. He had options, to tell his parents, to tell the police, but was made to believe that he didn't; that no one would believe him, that, if anyone found out, he would get in trouble rather than Loutermilch.

Val was an adult (for the worst of her trauma; though, arguably, her upbringing was traumatic as well.) But, she was also led to believe that there was no one she could turn to and that she wasn't allowed to speak out against Papa Knoth. That if she did, she would be the one in trouble, not him. However, born and raised within a cult, it was true. There was no law enforcement, no government, no one in charge of her but Knoth and no one with the authority to punish him for his crimes or to protect her.

Blake and Val were both left to feel completely powerless and alone and at the mercy of the authority figures abusing them, and were set up to take the blame for what these authority figures had done.

✝ SHAME ✝

Additionally, Loutermilch’s dialogue towards Blake, such as “did I interrupt something between you two?” and the tone that he says it in, implies that there’s something sexual going on between Blake and Jessica (though there isn’t, and Loutermilch knows that there isn’t.) He tries to confuse Blake into thinking that Blake is doing something perverse and wrong, even before the murder. He tries to convince Blake that, if Blake were to tell anyone the whole story, Blake would end up sounding like the pervert. 

This is where Val, again, embodies Blake's fears for himself. She is sexually motivated and sexually aggressive. She doesn't prey on children the way Loutermilch did, but she doesn't need to; what's important to her character is that she preys on men like Blake. She is shameless and selfish in her wants. Blake, after years of Catholic school and guilt, struggles to tell the difference; Is any sexual urge perverse and shameful? Is he a bad person for them? Val is certainly a bad person for hers, and where does the line lie? 

He knows he isn't as bad as Val, but how far away is he? How many mistakes can he make before they're identical? Covering up the murder of a child for his own selfish (in his own opinion) reasons is a pretty big mistake to start with; he has a head start on the path to being a terrible person. Val, coupled with the flashbacks from the towers, gives him too much to think about, too much self doubt.

✝ DIVERGING PATHS ✝

But, while there's similarities between the two of them, the differences are what separate them into protagonist and antagonist. They had similar trauma, but opposite reactions to the trauma. They both felt overwhelming guilt and shame, both from the situation itself and from the things told to them by authority figures, but they both chose to respond to that shame in different ways. 

Blake feels as though he has to prove people wrong; he has to prove that it wasn’t his fault, that he isn’t a bad person, but deep down he doesn’t believe it. He’s on edge that he’s going to slip up and everyone is going to know what kind of person he really is. Especially during the events of Outlast 2, Blake feels as though if he can save others (Anna Lee, Lynn, their child,) that it will make up for his inability to save Jessica. He has hope that he can still be a good person and a hero.

But, suffering comes along with this optimism. He isn’t content, isn’t happy in the moment; he’s looking towards an unachievable future in which he can undo what’s been done. He isn’t happy with himself or his surroundings and won’t be until that future goal is reached. He feels as though he’s missing a piece of himself due to his trauma and he’s forever searching for it.

Val, meanwhile, feels as though she’s too far gone. There isn’t a way of proving people wrong or a point in doing so. When any little misstep means you’re irredeemable and betraying god himself, what chance of forgiveness is there for the things that she’s done? She believes that nothing she does could be worse than what she’s already done, so what’s the point in trying? Plus, the messages of what is good and what is evil has been so warped for her. People she’s trusted have told her that god wants her to do evil things, that she’s evil for not doing them. She has no one who’s moral guidance she can trust and no one who will judge her through an unbiased lens. 

With being in a lose/lose situation comes freedom. Val is happy with her life because Val does the things she wants to do; no shame, no judgement, no guilt. Other people’s opinions of her have been so conflicting and so harsh that they’ve become meaningless. She knows other people won’t ever approve of her or her actions, and so she lives only for herself. 

✝ HELPING BLAKE ✝

At the end of the day, this is what Val preaches. More importantly, she sees the similarities between Blake, in game, and herself, years previous. She remembers feeling ashamed and searching for the right answers. She’s found that the right answer is to accept that there is no right answer. That acting on impulse, acting on what makes you feel good, brings so much more joy than stressing over what’s morally right or what other people want you to do. 

She sees Blake suffering in such a familiar way and she knows how she saved herself; she knows she can save him, too, if she can open his eyes to the truth. Though Val’s actions towards Blake are horrendous, they’re merciful from Val’s perspective. She wants him to see what she sees. She wants him to push past the wall of his trauma and come out the other side stronger for it, as she did. She wants him to just give in to his urges, without any concern to what’s proper or acceptable in the eyes of god. She believes that if he tries, just once, to act without guilt and shame holding him back, he’ll get addicted to the freedom the way she has.