#i didnt know what music to put there honestly. i wasnt focused on anything in particular this time and everything i was listening to | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

namuneulbo · 1 year

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week eighty

this week was good mentally ig? idk my ocd has been really nice to me lately and my compulsions havent been as bad as they usually are which is nice. i hope this continues for a while at least.

monday was happy for me. wearing my fav bowie shirt helps too. its gotten a small spot now that didnt go away in the wash and ive frantically been putting a bunch of cleaning chemicals on it and hoping itll go away bc shit was expensive + its one of my fav shirts i own + its one of my comfiest shirts + ratio + ur mom.

we had a grunting workshop at school w the singer of finntroll which was super epic. hes so cool lol and i was just super excited ab getting the proper learn it and get feedback in real time so ik im not doing something bad to my vocal chords and throat and all that. he said i sounded good while we were trying some stuff out as a group so that boosted my ego a lot lol.

now,,,, exciting !!! thing !!!

me and my friends came back to school by the end of lunch break and who do i see as we walk in...?

w, of course!

i had said hi to him earlier iirc but i might be mixing up the days, anyways, i somehow managed to just walk up to him and talk to him. nothing crazy, i just asked him ab the paramore cover band stuff and being like “yooo, is it still happening or..?” and he was like “oh yeah, i still really want to do it, im just very busy atm” and i was like “ah, thats fine, i can help u out w anything if u want to. its fine if it gets a bit postponed too!” and he was all like “ah, thanks!”. that wasnt perfectly transcribed bc ive honestly forgotten a lot of the things that were said but those were the key points ig. i just got so nervous when talking to him lol i was just staring into his eyes the whole time which is super rare for me but ig i was so focused on what i had to say that i didnt even think of it but now all i remember is how green his eyes are and how cutely he smiled when he thanked me and i also feel like ive stood way too close to him although i dont think i did in reality but like considering all i remember are his eyes it feels as it ive stood too close. we had a cute lil bye sesh and then i ran to class. everyone was there already and i just sat next to c and smiled frantically. my friends had seen me walk up to him and thankfully they just walked to class wo me bc i wouldnt have done so,,, okay w them behind me, watching me try to talk to this silly lil guy. anyways, i explained as much as i could considering we were still in a room full of ppl who know this guy lol. i showed how shakey i was to c and they laughed ab it. i remember going to fill my water bottle and just jumping up and down in excitement the second i locked the bathroom door and my hand shaking like crazy as i held my water bottle under the streaming water.

tuesday! the workshop continued! afterwards we were in a smaller group of people and got more personal feedback. he said i did it really well and that i have the technique down so im super happy ab that.

wednesday was iconic. there was this party for the uni part of my school that ppl had been talking ab lots. as far as ik it was like a lil party for just the uni students where they were performing for each other. w was playing there even though hes not in uni yet. he played w his tribute band (which ik bc i saw him listening to a playlist w the name of the party and it was just filled w the police songs and it was made by the bassist in that band, who i later followed on spotify too hehe hes so cool and his music taste is so good bro?). so thered be that performance thing party and then an after party in our school party place thingy in the basement.

since it was wednesday, it was music quiz as well so i was ofc going to that. i knew i could get into the after party so i decided to freshen myself up a bit extra before going out for the extremely tiny chance that w would be at the party.

for context, w is NOT a party person. he doesnt drink and he also just,, doesnt ever go out really?? hes just like me fr but anyways, i thought today he might actually be there bc of the performance thingy. like yk, he might as well go? i thought?

so i first go to a short pregame at ds place. i got there so late that i didnt drink anything before going to the bar. i watched them speedrun a drinking game before we left to the bar.

once we were at the bar we had to sit further in bc of how full it was. i prefer sitting closer to the enterance bc the volumes lower, anyways, vs parents were there which was quite fun ig haha they were really nice and his mom was so cute so it was fun. the quiz this week was so hard though, the songs were so weird and the trivia qs were just a bunch of statistics that no one would know. i was so hungry so i decided to not drink anything until the afterparty bc i didnt want to throw up. vs dad bought us salmiac shots though which i obviously could not refuse, theyre my fav. afterwards, i went home and devoured some cheese and tomato sandwiches and then i went back to ds place. we stayed there until we got a green light to leave and go to the after party.

earlier at the bar i had asked c how big of a chance it would be that w would be at the after party. she confidently laughed and said “like, 10%. absolutely no way hes there, sorry girl!”. i try to persuade her being like “hm but think ab it!” and shes like “yea, its a bigger chance than other days but dont get ur hopes up too much”. i ask the same thing of l. they say “oh god, no way. he wont be there. 95% sure he wont be there. no way.”. personally, i thought there was like a 40% chance hed be there.

we arrive at the after party. me and l were by ourselves pretty much. we scan the place and no w is to be seen. i get a bit disappointed although nothing crazy since i knew he wouldnt ACTUALLY be there but yk, i still had my hopes up. me and l sit down in a couch by the bar. i turn to them and kinda pout being like a bit sarcastically overdramatic and say “not even ds here!”. linnea looks at me and points behind me w a small gesture and goes: “look”.

i see d walking confidently towards the bar. n and w walking softly behind him. me and l just stare at each other w wide eyes and the second they walked out the room we burst out in laughter bc both the chance and the timing was so crazy. we get up to see where they went but dont stalk too intently. we went back to the bar room after a while and sit down on another couch and talk w s. s is super talkative and fun so hes very appreciated when ur feeling a bit lost at parties and gatherings. we sit and talk w him and i see d, n and w walking back in the room. they walk past and i stare lovingly at w. they sit down on the couch me and l sat on earlier and w sat right where i sat. ty god!

i can see w nicely from where im sitting and its like a side angle but like far enough back that he cant see me staring unless he turns his head so im taking this opportunity to STARE. i analyze his outfit. hes wearing black shoes instead of the usual white nikes ones or the yellow vans. his long brown hair falls cutely under his hat. his black tee is once again hugging his biceps so ,, attractively. at one point he throws his head back and keeps it there for a while. he was probably tired. it was 1 am tbf. i feel quite bad saying its hot in a way bc i do feel bad for him if he was just feeling tired and wanted to go home but like,,, bro put his whole adams apple on display for me, a firm lover of big adams apples, i just couldnt help but die on the inside. so hot. i had never noticed how big his adams apple was until that. new feature to admire hihi!

i watch him scroll through facebook and insta as his friends talk w others. im far away enough that i cant tell what the posts r or anything. hes so interesting. ive always seen him as super talkative and outgoing but hes not really? i think he might just be an introvert whose social battery had run out. i think we might be quite similar socially actually. i do think hes less shy than me, he seems that way at least but i do think hes similar to me where i just have better and worse days and somedays im super talkative and talk to random ppl more easily and somedays im quite quiet and barely talk to ppl ik. hes also like, alone, a lot. i feel a bit bad for him. i think it might be by choice? he does talk to ppl, its not that, but he tends to walk around school alone. ig its bc hes not actually in school but just doing civilian work.

i slept a total of four hours before my shift the next morning. two at night, got ready in one hour and slept for another two before leaving for work. i was surprisingly awake at work though. like, yeah, i could feel the lack of sleep but it wasnt terrible. i did some grocery shopping afterwards.

friday! last official day of school. i just have my graduation left. we didnt have anything important in the morning but i went to school to see if w was there. he wasnt in the morning TT i followed l to the shop and they went to buy coffee then went to the library to study. i went back to school for a short bit to see if hed be there, he wasnt. i talked to c briefly and told her ab why i was in school so early and she gave me a lil look and scoffed but it was funny. i went home and drank a pepsi and got some studying done before heading back for lunch. during lunch break i see w for the first time. i was too shy to say hi though.

our schedule said the afternoon was a surprise so no one knew what we were doing. we all met in the main hallway of the music building and then went out. they left while i was in the bathroom so i had to run and catch up w them. theyd gone quite far so it was quite embarrassing running all across the town square. everyone was guessing where we were going as we walked. i walked w c, l and l. l joked that we were going to see one of the schools alumni play in the park and i believed him for a good minute before they told me it was just a joke. i guessed we were going to play mini golf and i was right lol. we played mini golf and it was so hot outside bro. i was wearing a black hoodie and black jeans so i was DYING. it was fun for a bit but i dont really enjoy it so it got boring quickly since it was so hot too and its just too repetitive and w a big team it takes ages to finish.

after that we had a music quiz (or two in a way, one w tv show themes and one w normal songs) in the park w some ice cream. i was sad we didnt get to pick teams but i got to be in the same team as c at least. we took one last class group pic together too :’)

there was this small culture event starting in the evening. it was a festival that lasted all weekend. it had a small participation fee and it was even cheaper w the student “pay what u can” ticket. i only went on friday and saturday bc the only event on sunday was the same art exhibition they displayed the entire weekend. i was pleasantly surprised by friday bc i had higher expectations ab saturday but ended up liking fridays programmes more.

on friday, me and l got there around 7 pm and wHO DO I SEE AS SOON AS I GET THROUGH THE DOOR??? not w BUT both of his parents. see, ive stalked his parents instas LIGHTLY. i felt weird ab going too deep but ive just seen the pics hes tagged in from his parents instas so i just know his parents names and what they look like. i knew his mom had some project there bc her name was on all of the posters. i ‘fangirl’ a bit to l and we go on w the exhibition, enjoying the epic art. the first programme is a 30 minute sesh of video art on the screen. i love video art a lot, its always my fav when at a museum. the first one was actually the one ws mom made, or well, she was the performer in it and i was just staring bc she looked SO YOUNG. she has gray hair but in the video it was blonde and she just looked so youthful i was questioning whether i was tripping and just seeing things. shes such a cute lady. it was a really cool video of her doing,,, interpretive dancing? silly gestures? in the forest. it was so pretty. afterwards she held a little speech and it was really interesting and agh such a cute lady like actually so loveable. i love humans sm.

the second video was a video of someone manically vacuuming while dressed in underwear. it was silly but it was nice w something less intense in-between.

the third was quite a short one of a robot speaking ab how it doesnt feel feelings and stuff. kinda scary.

the fourth one i cried at lol idk if it was bc i felt emotional or if it was eyeliner getting into my eye or the bright light coming from the screen but i cried lol. it was another forest video. a person standing in the forest, trying to rip their sweater off but not managing to do it. there was a repeating phrase in swedish in the back but i cant remember the exact quote but it was something like “taking off the body that is you”. so beautiful.

id say the last one had the most elements to it. white (like, literally, fully white clothing, hair and makeup) person walking around in unsaturated landscapes. v pretty.

afterwards there was a dj thing that we decided to skip to go to the bar. we went to see a rage against the machine cover band but i had to leave quite early bc i was so socially drained and also, i forgot my ear protection so i was scared to stand there wo it. im so scared of getting tinnitus, esp as a musician.

saturday! i met up w e in the early afternoon. shes got a summer job at h&m and im so jealous. we went to some garden thrift shops (?) in the older part of town. such pretty gardens and i ended up getting a dark blue flannel and three glass bottles to put flowers in. v happy!

we later went to a café and chatted for an hour or so. i had an iced latte and a mudcake and it was so yum ! we then went walking around some shops and then went out for ice cream from the ice cream stand. theyve changed to the yucky soft serve and im so sad. only mcdonalds has the good soft serve nowadays TT

we spent the last hour or so at my place and did nothing really. i just touched up my makeup and gave her a try-on haul of the flannel. i feel really bad in a way. im so sure she likes me and it feels so mean now that i have a crush on someone else. i liked her a LITTLE. like i was a bit intrigued by the idea back in september but she didnt seem to have that then. i do think she deserves someone who gets as much butterflies as she does when theyre w each other though. ive realized thats usually the best way to make me realize whether i like someone or not. i need butterflies! such a good feeling!

in the evening me, c, l and ls ‘friend’ e went to the event again to join a queer culture quiz. we SUCKED, it was truly humbling. e was super nice and it was fun getting to speak english for a bit. after the quiz i joined c to the store to buy some food. i didnt get anything bc i wasnt THAT hungry and i knew wed go out for food later anyways. we met i on the way there and then again in the store. c and i sat in the park while they ate their food and then we went back to the venue. we missed some performance thingy but i wasnt too interested in it anyways. we came just in time for an elvis impersonator. it was surely,,, something. me and c were both very shocked over the ,,, quality... the thing is it was supposed to be satire but like it was just,,, actually bad. the costume was cool though. we then listened to some ambient music woah. i thought it would be a bit different but it was alright. c had to leave earlier bc she got overwhelmed by it and me, e and l left once some more ppl started leaving. nobody seemed to enjoy it that much. we stood outside and talked w s for a while. at one point a bunchhhh of ppl started leaving which was quite funny to watch happen.

we left after a bit and we went to get fries and the hot guy was at the cash register!!!!!!! super happy. me and c fangirled a bit over how hot he was.

we ate the fries in the park and i was feeling a bit woah ab the fact that we were IN the park so late at night. its a big park and its kinda known for being sketchy at night but we walked out unstabbed so id call it a success.

lastly, we went to the bar. it was filled w ppl and the festival held its after party there. it was basically a rave so i didnt really go to the dance floor but i stood outside passively smoking for hours instead. we were kind of awkward bc no one wanted to go up and talk to ppl. i suggested we couldve gone and talk to h and s and their friends or c and d and after suggesting c and d, c (my friend c, not this guy c) scoffed and went like “what would we talk ab w c and d? smoking weed?” and i was like “yeah? lets smoke w them yo!” and then they just ignored it lol but i kept talking ab going smoking w d throughout the night and i think i was the only one who found it funny. good thing i was sober bc i think if i wouldve been drunk i mightve even actually walked up to d and been like “yo,,, ik weve never exchanged a single word before but ur really cool, love ur bass stuff dawg (+ i have a massive crush on ur drummer friend), wanna get high?”

i left after a while bc i got bored bc my chingus didnt want to talk w anyoneeeee. fell asleep and woke up w a cold and its so bad atm. my entire body hurts and im so weak. work was so bad bc of it and idk,,, i might have to call in sick next shift. well see.

ive been listening to a lot of the police this past week so obviously...

sotw: the police - every breath you take

#diary #tumblr diary #namuneulbo

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voidselfshipp · 2 years

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Conflicted Hearts

Cw: ask to tag?.

-> only mutuals okay to reblog.

-> Enemies (sort of?) To lovers.

->Pairing: Revenant x Jerico x Caustic.

Summary: Revenant and Caustic feel conflicted about one of their fellow legends. As they say. From hate to love theres only one step.

Taglist: @tex-treasures

Caustic sat in his room in the dropship, working away at some chemical compound made of god knows what. Hes mixing samples carefully, to the outsiders eyes he looks concentrated and focused. To those who know him (who was only Wattson) would know that his mind was somewhere else and that working was a futile attempt to block out any thoughts he might be having.

He sighed rather loudly, leaving the chemicals on their stand and pressed his forehead against his hands.

She was truly an annoyance. So much so that she distracted him from his work.

Caustic glanced at Jerico, Or known as Savior in the apex games. An altruistic goody two shoes, at least thats what he thought of her.

And despite the hate and the fact that he Straight up didnt like her (or so he told himself) he couldnt help but feel...something...towards her.

His eyes went back to his test tubes, he was too proud to admit that she was distracting him.

Savior was none the wiser to his antics, she was too busy talking with lifeline about tomorrow's match.

--Who do you hope you get paired up with?--Jerico asked to her friend.

--Anyone but Silva-- ajay answered.

--Hes kind of cute, though-- the other woman noted.

--cute doesnt exclude annoyin'

--Thought you were his friend?-- Jer teased.

--Oh come on now, its just friendly banter-- lifeline Joked-- How 'bout yuh?

-- anyone is okay, honestly. Maybe not Ashe...she freaks me out

--Yuh dont get creeped out by Caustic or Revenant but how come you get freaked out about Ashe?--ajay questioned her friend with a brow raised.

--Tha- thats --She cleared her throat--different okay?

--Ohhh I get it now!-- Lifeline made fun of her friend-- thats because yuh got feelings for those two~! -- she whispered the last part.

--Will you shUT THE FUck up???-- Jerico whispered shouted weakly hitting her friend.

-- Heh, sure. Just sayin' theres something that doesnt add up

--You are the literall worst. Ajay...

-- I know yuh love me

After that, jeri went back to her bedroom in the dropship,as she walks by, with music in her headphones eyes closed as she moves her body to the rythms she bumps Into someone. Their body is hard..and cold. Extremely unnaturally cold.

--hey! Watch where you are going skinsuit-- revenant growled angrily with his voice being slightly distorted.

--Hey im sorry!--jer shouted taking off her headphones. I didnt see you!

--Tsk, maybe if I break those headphones youll be more carefull about where you walk...

Jerico sighed in annoyance, thankfully revenants threats to her are less severe compared to other the legends. She figured its because he liked her to some extent. Wether he admits it to himself or not.

--you put a hand to them and im turning you into scrap metal...-- Savior replied.

Now, the simulacrum was way taller than her. She was barely 5'5, while he was 6'8. Yet she didnt seem to mind, and this amused rev to no end.

--Bold threats from someone so small-- a clawy hand ruffled her hair, with a smug tone lacing the robots words.

--Seems you like my hair-- Jerico teased with her arms folded and half a smile on her face.

--Please...you Flatter yourself..., now move out of my way. Tiny -- the shove he gave her wasnt rough by any means, if anything, he was gentle with it. Enough for her to notice it.

--I guess ill see you around revy!-- savior shouted as he left laughing a bit as she finally reached her room. Ignoring how revenant glared daggers at the back of her neck.

The metal Doors Open and she steps in, sighing as she takes off her shoes.

--What a day...-- she mutters under her breath flopping on the bed.

She was a mess of feelings, but there was an odd comfort knowing that revenant was carefull with her. Such a self procclaimed "killing machine" was so carefull and gentle with her. It was...nice.

Jerico decided to stop her train of thought and going to bed. It was already late.

The Next day, after breakfast the match started.

--Youve got to be kidding me!-- jeri exclaimed seeing her team.

--Quit your whinning skinsuit. Come on-- revenant said behind her shoulder checking her. Ouch.

Both of them and caustic stepped in the platform and soon jumped off to the arena.

The first part of the match was easy and calm. Mostly quiet between the three. With only the usual callouts being made.

But soon the battle got heated. Caustic got separated from the other two. Heavily injured.

--Caustic! Im going to get you stay there!-- savior said through their comm.

-- No! Savior dont!-- caustic yelled back.

-- ive got some news for you, im going to do exactly what I please, when I please, so stay your ass there and dont get shot, okay? Okay great

Her mechanical wings expand as her jetpack revvs up.

--Savior! Dont!-- revenant screamed at her just before she took off. However between the gunfight and the jetpack she didnt hear him-- this stupid little girl!-- he growled under his breath-- I cant Belive im doing this.. -- quickly the simulacrum gets out behind his cover and shoots back.

With her reflective metal wings she blinds her enemies who got distracted by revenant. And with effort of the three of them they eliminate their squad.

--you are stubborn, reckless and-- caustic started scolding savior who handed him a first aid.

--Cry me a fucking river, get patched up and lets go-- Jerico interrupted reloading her gun-- the same goes to you. I can tell you want to scold me too

Revenant huffed-- in your dreams. I want to win this and im not letting your morals get in the way...as they say, there is strenght in numbers

--Wow, even I dont lie to myself that much-- Jeri commented raising a brow-- okay. Lets go...

Thankfully they won that match, and after their hard work, savior decided to go to sleep. Interviews didnt matter as much as her Beauty rest did.

She was peacefully resting when her ears caught the sound of rustling.

Her eyes opened slowly, getting used to the darkness, she held back a sigh. The only one stupid enough to try and annoy her now was revenant. Who was hanging from her ceiling like in a horror movie.

Still, she decided to ignore him, Yawning rather loudly-- Man. You need some New tricks-- she said.

--keep joking. Thats the last thing youll--

--Youll ever say?-- Jerico finished his sentence-- rev. Dude. Your eyes are two fucking beacons. Your threats are old and youre hanging from my ceiling like a damn spider, what do you want? Tell me before I break out the broom and kick you out like I would to a spider. Dont come at me with a threat as an answer. Ill just go back to sleep

Revenant let out a heavy sigh, Landing on her bed gracefully and quiet. He crawled over her squatting down to eye level besides her legs.

-- You are truly something-- the simulacrum said almost in a whisper-- why is it youre not afraid of me?

--What me to be honest?-- revenant nodded-- because I know you wouldnt hurt me, youre always so gentle with me-- one of her hands is unsure as she cups the side of his metal face-- when you push me, or shouldercheck me, youre always so gentle...-- he kept quiet-- rev. Just tell me what do you want...

--i just want to spend time with you-- it came out almost as a whisper. But she nodded and patted the spot besides her.

He laid down under the covers. They warmed up his Metallic body fast, and he hugged her, gently. As if she was made of glass.

One hand caressed her hair, the other rested comfortably against her ribs.

--You make me feel conflicted-- rev muttered-- I cant convince myself that I hate you. I just cant. Its like all of my body melts when im with you. And I cant tell if I hate it or not

--well...as a matter of fact..,you make me feel...safe. when we go out with the other legends and they drag you along. Or un the arena, so, theres that..

Revenant Shily preased his lips to hers, lowering the hand on her head to her cheek. She kissed back with no hesitation, wrapping her arms around his neck.

-- I guess what I feel for you...is love..-- revenant uttered-- I cant Belive you make me feel love..

--Well...rev. I feel love for you too-- jerico kissed him again and he kissed back grip tightening around her.

--....dont...dont break my heart..

--I wont. I promise I wont..-- Jeri promised.

After a nice nap with her now murder robot boyfriend, she went to have some tea, Sitting in the lounge.

Surprisingly, caustic had joined her soon after. In a silence that basically meant "you dont bother me. I dont bother you"

Though, jerico couldnt stop looking at caustic. He was wearing normal clothes and he was maskless. And boy was he handsome.

Though, her feelings of sadness grew by each passing moment. And the song she was listening to wasnt helping.

And Will we ever end up togheter?

No I think not. Its never to become...

For I am not the one

She mouthed the lyrics looking outside through a Window. The sun was setting.

--I need to speak with you-- caustics voice broke her out of her trance, she didnt notice the song had ended minutes ago.

She took off her headphones and nodded-- what is it?

-- this is not easy to say...but ive noticed something. Something I deeply hate.., because your existence is confusing...

--Why?-- Jeri asked.

--Your presence is annoying, but the thought of anything bad happening to you upsets me-- the Man finally spat out,interlazing his fingers togheter and resting his elbows on his knees, head looking at the floor-- and of course I am no idiot. And it soon fell on me a Revelation I wasnt ready for..., I have...feelings... for you, and for a while I hated them...for a while I tried to lie to myself that it was just the chemicals in my brain....but...

--But?...-- Jerico encouraged.

--But...-- he looked up to her. His eyes filled with anxiety-- I cant Keep telling myself that. The lie is not working, so im going out on a limb, as they say, so...I have feelings for you, jerico and I want to be with you...,youre in no obligation to reprociate my feelings but-- in the blink of an eye savior was sitting besides caustic who jumped little.

--Oh you dont know the weight that has been lifted from my shoulders..., caustic I have feelings for you too, im so happy you feel the same way...

The Man was overjoyed with a small smile he looked away for a moment-- if I May...? -- he asked looking at her.

--Please, do

One arm wrapped around her waist and the other hand cupped her cheek, she kissed back smiling into the kiss.

--If you dont mind...we could continue our bussiness somewhere more...private? Perhaps my quarters?

Jeri giggled-- of course

Quickly the Man grabbed his paperwork and both went to caustics bedroom.

The courtains were drawn and they cuddled under the covers. Their kissing resuming.

--Why did I ever pretend to hate you?...-- Caustic asked.

-- doesnt matter. I dont care, I just want to Keep kissing you if youre okay with that

With a smug half smile he said-- You May proceed

And so she kissed him again.

Later that night both revenant and caustic agreed on being with jerico. Neither didnt seem to mind as they got along pretty well. Given their personalities being somewhat alike.

Now after dinner both of them are holding onto their girlfriend for dear life, they were in her room under the warm covers.

Rev hugged jerico from behind, face buried in the crook of her neck, while caustic hugged her from behind, letting her face rest against his chest.

Savior was overjoyed, being held by her boyfriends, who'd say they would be so clingy. She didnt mind,though

-- I love you guys...-- Jerico whispered.

--We love you too-- both of them said at the same time.

Now it didnt matter who they were. For them. The world was only the three of them right then and there.

#💛💚dont you know that youre toxic💚💛#♥️beautiful but deadly|youre my reason to live♥️

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obsessive-ego · 3 years

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Just go with it part 2

Musical beetlejuice x reader

You have to meet juno and pretend you and bj are getting married

Nsft sorta, mentions of activity

Part 1

"Babes"

....

"Sugar"

...

"Y/n"

...?

"Y/n wake up, come on babes"

...!

"Beej?" You mumble rubbing your eyes "what's wrong?" You say in a whisper.

He doesnt respond, you turn on the lamp by your bed and check your phone clock

5:42am

You sigh, looking back at the demon, now being able to see him clearly, you freeze upon seeing that the demon was now completely purple, his hair, his beard, his tie, all deep purple.

"What's wrong?" You ask again, more fear in you voice then intended

"Okay y/n" he starts, using your name rather then a pet name was never a good sign "so you remember a few nights ago when that suit came by to see if I was lying about our relationship?"

"He's back?!" You sit up, more awake "wait... wasnt the repercussion to that not that bad? Just some extra work for you?"

Beetlejuice rubs his neck "yeah, thing about that, it's not him... my mother is here, to talk to you personally..." he trails off refusing to look at you

"Your mother...." you repeat feeling your stomach drop

"Yeah..."

"What's gonna happen if she finds us out?" You ask in a whisper

"...who knows with her" the demon spits before looking away.

The two of you remain in silence over the shit beetlejuice has gotten you into it.

Beetlejuice huffs out his nose as his focus goes back to you.

"So y/n, I mean honey~" the demon pulls you up from your bed and into a side hug "ready to meet mommy dearest?" Beetlejuice tried to smile, make light of the situation, but his hair betrayed him, remaining a deep purple, even though he tried his best to plaster a grin across his face for your sake.

You didnt know much about Beetlejuice's mother, other then she didnt exactly win mother of the year, beej only opened up about her a handful of times, long story short, you knew this was gonna be a rough experience for both of you, but mostly Beej.

Beetlejuice drops his jacket around your shoulders, pulling the same ring he gave you to fool the suit, the same tacky, pretty ring, the band was black and white, and resembled a snake, the gem was a brilliant green, your heart swelled at the sight of the ring.

The ghoul drops on one knee, and gently slides the ring onto your middle finger, pausing to kiss your hand before giving you wink, under different circumstances you would die from such a cheesy romantic gesture, but now was not that time, you did appreciate beetlejuice trying to lighten the mood.

"Alright honey, you remember the drill?"

"Yes"

"That's my future wife, let's not keep the bitch waiting" he smiles linking arms with you

Future wife...

You couldnt help but give the ghoul a soft smile at the thought.

Beetlejuice takes a deep breath, smoothing his hair back, wiping the purple away in favour of his default green.

The demon grabs your hand begins to lead you to your living room, you could barely focus over the sound of your heart pounding, who could blame you, you were about to come face to face with someone Beetlejuice was afraid of.

As the two of you head down the hall , she was finally in sight, you felt your stomach drop, in your recliner sat an old woman, dressed completely in red, she had a permanent scowl across her face, her whole presence give off a bad feeling.

"Lawrence, you took your sweet time fetching your fiance" she barked causing beetlejuice to flinch

"Ya know breathers, they like their sleep-" he forces a laugh, purple slowly creeping back into his hair

"Nonsense, it's nearly 6am, that's more then a reasonable time for breathers to wake and start their pointless routines" she waves off, beetlejuice frowns and leads you to the couch, where the both of you sit.

"Its been awhile huh Ma? Like I was saying earlier, it's nice to see you again and-" beetlejuice was babbling

"Zip it" was all she said and beetlejuice clamped his mouth shut and gazed down staring at his feet. "Lawrence, I didnt come here for pointless pleasantries" her eyes meet yours "y/n l/n I dont know what Lawrence has done to you or promised you, but I can assure you he doesnt care about you, and just wants freedom, further more Lawrence, do you honestly think this breather could love you? This game of yours needs to come to an end, there is alot of paper work tied up in this farce of yours"

You were taken back by her words, she really didn't beat around the bush.

"I dont-" you start, voice trembling

"Ma, y/n loves me and I love them, see~" beetlejuice grabs your hand to show his mother the ring, she eyes the ring for a moment, then goes bad to staring daggers into her son, her scowl never faltering.

"Tacky" she huffs, a simple response like that was enough to shut her son down, beetlejuice pulled away from you, pressing his back firm against the couch, lips pressed shut and hands clamped together in his lap.

"As I was saying, Lawrence is a natural born troublemaker, and youd be smart to back out of this farce before he gains life, knocks you up with a life ruining disappointment, and vanishes from your life" she droned as she lights a cigarette, taking a deep inhale, smoke shooting out from her neck.

You swallow hard.

"I would prefer if you didnt smoke in my house, ma'am"

Juno stares at you for a moment, then shakes her head as she puts out her cigarette on your coffee table.

"Ma'am I really do trust beetlejuice, and I love him, this isnt a farce-" you began, but your words were ignored

"If you want to throw yourself into a mess, I wont stop you, I'm not here to save you, but I have to applaud his efforts on tricking someone LEGAL this time for his little game. Even though this mess of yours is going to keep him out of my way for awhile, it doesn't cover the fact that Lawrence's efforts have caused my office nothing but work. And even if this "love" was real the boy ruins everything thing he touches, cant do anything right, having him around only causes headaches, you'll see soon enough y/n," Juno's hurtful words drone on, as if her son wasnt sitting across the table from her.

"Back to the matter, even if you do choose to marry this fool, I wanted to warn you about the mess your getting yourself into, giving him life would only cause you grief, and I dont want to hear it when you get to the netherworld after a suicide his actions caused"

You grit your teeth at that last remark, you knew juno thought poorly of beetlejuice, but did she honestly thing her son was so awful that youd kill yourself over his actions, you felt like you were going to be sick.

"Lawrence, why is your hair purple?"

You glance over to beetlejuice, who infact was completely purple, the deepest purple you've ever seen him wear.

Beetlejuice bites down on his lip, his hands clenched in fists as they sat on his thighs, he was frozen.

"Bee?" You gently whisper as you slowly place a hand on his, the ghoul flinches at your touch, beetlejuice slowly takes your hand in his and gives it a light squeeze.

"Come on Ma, y/n my be dramatic, and get mad at me from time to time, but they'd never kill themselves over anything dumb I'd do, and hell we already talked it over, we dont want kids" the ghoul leans into you for support.

Juno scowls "to remind you both, I'm not here to stop you two, the only thing I'm here for is to warn this foolish breather, and double check to make sure YOU arent mucking about and blackmailing the living again, there is a lot of paper work involved in this little game of yours, and you still havent delt with the paper work of your failed marriage and death by the hands of that poor child you tricked" her eyes narrow down to beetlejuice, juno pauses, then sighs

"Lawrence just come clean, this little game of yours has gone on long enough, even if you didnt blackmail this poor soul into marrying you, do you honestly think they love you? You dont actually think this breather wants you around do you?"

"That's not true, I do-"

You werent able to finish that sentence, with a snap of juno's fingers your mouth is now cover with a strip of duct tape.

"You've honestly fooled yourself into thinking you could be loved didnt you? Pitiful, maybe this breather found you amusing now, but you dont think it's going to last do you?" Her questioning goes on, she was convinced her son was unlovable, you tug away at the duct tape but it refuses to budge, beetlejuice was too focused on his mother's words, to the point where he was starting to believe her, the purple slowly faded from him in favour of white, a color you've never seen on him.

"Lawrence you're little game is over, and you're going to clean up the mess you made, I have a decade's worth of paper work for you to fill out over this farce and every other little issue you caused, I knew from the start this was fake, no living person in their right mind would let you into their life willingly"

A decade's worth of paper work?! Was that so important that she was willing to manipulate her own son into thinking he was worthless?

"Lawrence you are such a screw up, the amount of work your little games keep giving me is coming to an end, you will never be alive, you will never be loved, let alone tolerated, and you are coming back to my office to straighten up ever little issue you have caused, if you think being invisible for a millennia is bad-" she raises her voice with each hateful word.

This duct tape wasnt going to budge, so you went with plan B, you roughly bump into the demon's side to get his attention, beetlejuice looking your way, your eyes grow wide at his expression, he was crying, black gooey tears. The two of you stare at each other what felt like an eternity, Juno's voice no longer reached him, beetlejuice snaps his fingers and the duct tape vanishes from your mouth.

You jump up from you position on the couch "I'm sorry ma'am but bee- Lawrence isnt worthless, and yes, he can be an ass, and insensitive at times, but I love him and I really do want to marry him! And whatever stupid paper work that is tied up in this, can just fuck off..." your voice tweaks as the ghoulish women sitting across from you stands up, eyes dead set on you.

You werent great with confrontation, and beej knew this, but here you were talking back to his mother, you his tiny sweet breather talking back to a literal monster. The white from Beetlejuice's hair quickly left in replacement to pink 'I really do want to marry him!' Those words from your lips could have made his heart start beating , tho that was shortly lived when he saw this mother stand, purple took hold of his form once again.

He couldnt let you fight his mistakes alone, though he found it hot that you could be his knight in shining armor.

No, beetlejuice is quick to jump up and link his arm with yours "see ma, this little breather stole my heart, and hell, we've been planning our little wedding for months" beetlejuice snaps his fingers and in a flash his and yours clothes change. Beetlejuice wore a red tux made with crushed velvet, with a lacy front, his whole outfit screamed tacky, but that was him. Looking down at your self, you stifle a laugh, here you were, 6:30am, dressed in a red puffy lacing monster of a dress, in all honesty this wouldnt be your first choice, but now was not that time. Beetlejuice pulls you close, you could swear he could hear how hard your heart was pounding, could you blame yourself? He looked so handsome all dressed up, even if this was fake.

"My, my Lawrence, doesnt that dress look familiar, isnt that the dress you forced that poor child to wear the last time you played this game?" his mother sneers

"Its called a call back, and y/n loves it" he sneers back you nodded in agreement, beetlejuice continues "we're still working on a venue, trying to find a band, believe me, planning a wedding is exhausting, and oh! dont be surprised if your invite gets lost in the mail ma" the demon gives a shit eating grin, you smile seeing beetlejuice has gained SOME confidence back.

"I have no interest in attending your little wedding Lawrence" she spat "it's clear you're not going to budge, and still refusing to take responsibility for your actions, you always were a slacker, and if that's the case, once you die again you will be returning to my office to deal with the mess you made" her focus turns to you "or I could end this little charade by killing your ticket to life"

Your heart stops at her words, she was a demon, Beetlejuice's grip tightens on you, the silence must have been hurting him as much as it did you.

"But I wont, itd be too much a hassle ending a life before it's time"

You sigh in relief, and beetlejuice loosens his grip.

"This will end poorly for the two of you, and I dont want to hear it" juno walks past the two of you, and with a gesture of her hand the livingroom wall opens up to reveal an office full of the dead.

"Lawrence before you join the living I need to deal with one last errand, so I will see you later, and you" Juno's boney finger points to you "you have no idea what you've signed up for" and with that she was gone, the wall closes up as if nothing happened, the two of you collapse on the floor

"Shes gone" you sigh, you've never been more scared in you entire life then you were talking to Juno

"So you like your future mother in law?" Beej jabs you side

"Oh yeah, a delight" you snort, "how long do you think we have before she notices we havent gotten married?" You tone shifts to a more serious note

"No clue, guess you'll actually need to marry me now" he pulls you into a side hug

"What?" You stammer, beetlejuice laughs at your response

"HA! Just pulling your chain there doll, theres no way in hell she's coming back to check, if I know that Bitch shes going to file away those papers for me, there's no way she'll let them just sit there for who knows how long, and this time next week she'll be harping about something else" beetlejuice stands up and pulls you up with him as he sees you struggling to move in that dress, as you raise to your feet you mumble a thanks.

"You know beej, you really do clean up good, I mean, you look very handsome all dressed up" you smile, now that that two of you were safe, you felt it was the right time to say it.

The purple in the ghoul's hair quickly vanishes at your kind words and is replaced with pink.

"Well you know doll, the tux suits me, but it looks even better on the floor, you'll see on our honeymoon~"

"Is that so?"

"Dont believe me? I'll show ya right now baby~" the ghoul pulls you close pressing his chest against yours, as fun as this little exchange was it came to a halt when you yawned.

"What a way to start a weekend, early and terrified, I think I'm gonna get a few more hours of sleep" you grumbled rubbing your eye "you mind helping me out of this dress?" Beetlejuice goes wide eyed at your question, in a flash his hands were groping for the zipper on your back.

"Naughty minx" he purrs before you swat his hands away

"I ment with magic" you breath out, you may be tired, but your genitals were now wide awake.

Beetlejuice grumbles as he snaps his fingers bringing you back into your pajamas and him in his suit.

"Thank you, I guess this wouldnt be good night, see you in a bit" you shrug as you head to your bedroom to get a few more hours of sleep, you glance back at beetlejuice, who was purple once again, you frown

"Beej do you want to sleep with me? I mean you dont need to sleep, I just thought maybe, you wouldnt want to be alone right now?" After seeing his mother maybe he could use some comfort.

There was a long silence as the demon only stares back at you, you panic

"I'm sorry, that was stupid, I'll just, uh, see you in-" you babble as you spin in your heels eager to get away from this embarrassing situation. Before you could hide away in your bedroom you feel the dicey grip if the demon's hand on your shoulder, and in a deep gravely voice he purrs

"Isn't it normal for a husband and wife to sleep together?~"

you honestly felt a shiver run up your spine.

The ghoul, now only in a pair of boxers has now cuddled up to you his legs intertwined with yours, his arms wrapped around your waist, hand rubbing up and down your back, and head nuzzled into your chest, the demon now pink, purred feeling your hands scratching his scalp, his mother was wrong, you did love him, truly and unconditionally, maybe not now, but soon, he will marry you.

Bonus

It's been days since you met his mother, and it seems like beetlejuice has been back to stop caring about it, but sometimes you see him just staring off into space.

The ghoul had only one thing on his mind, replaying the memory over and over, of you shouting "I REALLY DO WANT TO MARRY HIM!"

#beetlejuice x reader #muscial beetlejuice x reader #rambling

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lazydoodlesandfanfic · 2 years

Note

Yeah my dad was quite into quite specific music, if that makes sense. Like he listened to most of the bands I listen to now, but he also tended to stick mostly to the same fee songs by certain artists and he didnt really listen to any other artists. While he was an avid listener of FOB, he never listened to MCR or P!ATD or anything like that that I listen to now. So I wasnt exposed to it the same way. I can only imagine that feeling though cause the black parade makes me feel things man, it's such a fucking banger lmao.

Yeah I had a friend in the year above but we had one overlapping class every week because I had my GCSE photography at the same time she had her A-Level Art and we'd sit at the back of my class together and talk all the time and I just remember her telling me and it was A Moment

Oh yeah! I'm honestly a bit like your dad- I have a sort of fear of new music? Especially by artists I love and I love all their music I already know. It's like a fear of 'what if I listen to their new stuff and I don't like it? And it in a way ruins their music for me?' And it's that fear that actually led to me buying a band's new album as soon as it came out but the wrapping stayed on it for 4 years until Jon got tired of my shit and forced me to listen to the album on the way to a concert for another band that had a strong connection to them. Since then I've found a way around that fear- stick the new music into a playlist with songs I know I like, put it on shuffle, and then do something that keeps me busy- usually video games, and then I can process the music without focusing fully and spoiler- I loved the 'new' album and now it's one of my favorites of the band. It's also helped me expand into other musicians when I choose playlists by other people!

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zmayadw · 3 years

Text

Evening all :)

Alrighty, lets continue with the story :)

Wish you all a nice evening!

CALL OF THE RAVEN

PART 19

The next few days i bussied myself working, Jake doing his thing. We barely talked, every effort of his to start a conversation with me ended quickly. I hated myself for doing this to him, but i wasnt up for anything. I turned my phone off, but he took it and turned it back on, saying he will take care of it. Me? I just wanted a few days of peace without those fricking calls messing with my mind. So i had my headphones on, loosing myself in the music, focusing on my work. I saw, ofcourse, when the calls occured, frustration growing at him for yet another failure at locating the call. The close4st he got to it, was that the calls came from within Duskwood. But that meant as little as nothing.

On the morning of the third day, things wernt much different. Coffee was waiting for me when i woke up. I took a shower, taking the coffee, giving Jake a quick kiss, moving back to bed. He still looked worried, the rings arround his eyes starting to show. But he didnt force me to anythig, he just left me be. I took my headphones, the sound of music making me forget the world arround me. I was lost in my work, when i noticed Jake standing next to the bed, handing me my phone. I took the headphones off. „It's Jessy.“ He said, „She's calling for the third time allready.“ He looked at me pleadingly, and i sighed taking the phone from him. „Hello, Jessy.“ „Finaly!“ her cheerful voice chimed from the other side. „Trying to get ahold of you is tougher then trying to call the pope himself!“ she laughed. „Haha, very funny.“ I said, sounding a bit sassy. „Oh my, who stepped on your toe?“ Jessy replied a bit hurt at my sassiness. Jake looked at me intensly, and i cursed for snaping at her. „Im sorry, Jessy“ i started appologetically, she didnt deserve this. „Been feeling a bit 'under the weather' lately, its no excuse to snap at you.“ „No worries, Maya, i understand.“ She said. „Even more of a reason you need some fun!“ she chimed. „Put me on speaker, i want to talk to both of you.“ „Uhm, alright.“ I said, lowering my phone, putting her on speaker, Jake looking puzzled at me. I just shook my shoulders at him, having no clue whats this all about. „Alright, you're on speaker, go on.“ I told her. „Good! Hello, Jake, by the way.“ She said cheerfuly. „Hello, Jessy.“ He answered. „Now, you two are comming later to Dan's place for babrecue and to hang out.“ She chimed from the speaker.“And dont try to make an excuse why you cant, i dont wanna hear it!“ she said stern. „Be here arround 4. And ill text you Dans address later.“ She didnt let us say anything „Allrigh, thats settled then. See you two later.“ She chimmed, adding before she hung up „Oh, and Jake, let Maya breath a bit!“ she said teasingly, making Jake rise his eyebrow at the phone, and me smiling at it. „Later you two.“ „Finaly.“ Jake said as i lovered my phone down. „Huh?“ i looked confused at him. „You smiled.“

I was sitting on the bed putting my sneakers on. Jake was taking his laptop and some other things from the desk, stuffing it all in his backpack, along with my phone. „You're taking all that with you?“ i asked. He turned to me „Well, i want to be ready, in case of..“ he trailed off, and i finished „In case of any new calls.“ My mood darkened again. Jake came to me, crouching infront of me. „Maya, i know this is frustrating“ He took my hands in his. „But i cant help if you turn your phone off and ignore the calls.“ He looked so tired again, and worried, his eyes dark, matching my mood. I hated it. Everything was starting all over again. But this time it was me that was most affected by it all. I sighed „I know, you're right, but its eating at me inside, Jake. It feels like darknes is creeping at me, slowly taking all the joy and happines away.“ My words made his eyes look even darker, his face showing all this was hard on him as much as it was on me. He lowered his head on my knees, and i ran my hand through his hair. „Its killing me to see you like this.“ He said it so desperatly, my heart squeezed. „Hey“ i said softly, making him look at me. „I'll be fine.“ I wished we could just run away somewhere, leave all this behind, forget the world exists. But with my luck, shit would follow no matter where i go. I smiled at him „ We should go. Or Jessy might send SWATs if we dont show up on time.“ He smiled at it, getting up, pulling me from the bed „Lets go.“

We walked in silence to Dan's place, each lost in our own thoughts. As much as i didnt want to go, maybe this would be exactly what i needed. And I was happy i'd see Jessy, her cheerfulness would be welcoming. We stopped at one of te houses, Jake announcig we're here. It was smaller,a single storey, but i found it the perfect size. It had a nice big back yard, grass neatly mowed and fence trimmed. We came to the front door, Jake ringing the bell. Dan opened it grinning at us „Whoa“ he said „Who got you two in such a 'good mood'? You look like shit!“ „Gee, thanks Dan, again, thats exactly what i wanted to hear.“ I told him, Jake silently standing beside me. „Aww, Maya“ Dan started „Like you dont know me by now. I always say it as it is.“ He grined at us, and i chuckled „Unfortunaly, i'm aware of it.“ „Well, come on in, Jessy is already impatiante waiting on you to show up.“ He ushered us in. „Just continue straight to the kitchen“ Dan instructed me. I entered the kitche, Jake and Dan following. Jessy smiled at seeing us, running to me for a hug „Finaly! I was worried i would have to send Dan to get you!“ she said cheerfuly. „I dont doubt you'd do it!“ i said, letting her go. She turned to Jake now, hugging him. He was surprised by it, looking all fidgety, not knowing what to do. He hugged her back akwardly, and i chuckled. Jessy let go of him, noticing him being uncomfortable. She winked at him „Oh, dont worry, Jake, i dont bite.“ I couldnt keep it anymore, so i laughed. It was Dan that came to his rescue, patting him on the back, „Dont scare the poor guy, babe. Rather give him a beer.“ Jessy grined at Dan, turning to the fridge, grabbing two beers, handing them to Jake and Dan. Jake took a sip, calming his nerves „Im not scared.“ he said, turning to Jessy, still being a bit uncomfortable. „Dont worry, man“ Dan said to him in his dramatic way „I get you, she can be scarry sometimes.“ Jessy looked at Dan furiously, throwing a rag at him, as he stuck his toung out at her running to the other room. Jake chuckled at it, but she looked at him all serious, making him avert his look, taking another sip of the beer. She turned to me „Want some wine?“ „That'd be great.“ I told her smiling. She poured a glass and handed it to me. „Oh for the love of it!“ Dans voice ringed from the other room. I looked at Jessy questionably. She sighed „He is trying for the last hour to connect the outside speakers so we can have some music in the back yard. Unsucessfully, as you might notice.“ Jake said „I'll go help.“ Jessy smiled at him. „Thank you!“ „Hey, i dont wanna stay here to test that theory about you biting.“ He grined at her, leaving the kitchen to join Dan. Jessys eyes opened in bewilderement, turning to me „Did he just joke?“ I chuckled at her „He's getting better at it.“ We both laughed. She got back to finish the salad she was doing when we came. „Can i help with anything?“ I asked „No, you just sit and relax, i'll join you any minute.“ I sat at the table, taking a sip of my wine. Few minutes passed, when music was heard through the open doors leading to the back yard from the kitchen. „Finaly!“ Jessy exclimed cheerfully. „Thank you, Jake!“ She yelled. „No worries.“ He yelled back. „Hey, i helped, too!“ Dan yelled sounding offended. „Ofcourse you did.“ She yelled back sarcasticly, making me laugh again. She came joining me at the table. „So, how are you, Maya?“ she asked. „I've been better.“ I answered honestly. „I'm tired, Jessy.“ I sighed „All thats happening is becoming too much on me. I feel like im drowning, and at the same time i feel numb.“ She looked at me concerned. „I'm barely keeping it together. If it wasnt for Jake..“ i trailed off. He really was the one keeping all this madness of mine at bay. „He is worried about you.“ Jessy said, hesitating for a moment before she continued. „He called me yesterday.“ „He did?“ i asked surprised. „He was desperate, Maya. He had no idea what to do, it was eating him alive. He told me what happened. He begged me to help, mumbling something like he let you down. I barely managed to calm

him.“ „Shit.“ I said, lowering my head on the table. „I never tought I might make him feel that way.“ I looked back at Jessy „I would crumble to pieces long ago without him.“ „I know that, Maya.“ Jessy squeezed my hand. „Just talk to him, dont shut yourself out.“ She smiled softly at me. I smiled back, going to her for a hug „Thank you, Jessy. You are the only one beside him that can pull me back on my feet again.“ „Im here for you, i told you that before, and i mean it, Maya.“ She said to me hugging me tighter. We pulled apart and she got up. „What are they doing in there? They should be out in the back already!“ she exclimed, moving to the doors of the next room where Dan and Jake wer. „Dan Anderson!“ she yelled from the doors. I joined her, laughing at the scene in front of me – Dan and Jake wer sitting on the floor playing a game. Boys will be boys, right? „If you dont put down that controller and get your ass out in the yard right now, i swear to God...“ Dan tensed and jumped up in a heartbeat at her words „Yes ma'am!“ Jake chuckled at Dan, but Jessy turned to him now „Hey, hackerboy, dont you laugh, you're joining him!“ Jake was up on his feet even faser then Dan, and they both started walking reluctantly out of the room. Dan passed us, but suddenly turned to me. „Hey, how come she can call him 'hackerboy', but you go beserk when i do it?“ he asked being dramatic again. I smirked at him „She can call him whatever she wants.“ Jessy burst out laughing. I turned to Jake going for a kiss. I whispered to him before i moved „I just said it because im scared of her myself.“ Jake laughed at it, quickly kissing me once more, going after Dan.

Jessy lowered a cup of coffee in front of me, going back to sit. We stayed in the back yard after eating, dusk slowly setteling in, the sky in multiple colors. It felt calming. At the end, I was glad we came, i needed this after everything that was happening. Even if the sight of my phone on the table in front of Jake did make me feel uneasy, i decided to ignore it. I had to pull it together. I couldnt let this shit get into my head so intensly, or I would definatly go insane. And learning from Jessy that Jake was affected by it so much, just made me more determined at it. It was Dan who broke the silence, bringing the tention at the table. „So, Maya, are we gonna talk about those calls and everything now?“ Jessy shot him an angry look, Dan not paying attention to it. „No, we are not.“ Jake said calmly, before i could even speak, a hint of frustration noticeable in his voice. „O really? And why not?“ Dan asked lookin at Jake fiercly. „Because, it doesnt concern you.“ Jake told him, returning equaly fierce look. „Whoa, you fucking kidding me, man?“ Dan said, raising his voice „It most definatly concern me.“ „And why the fuck is that?“ Jake hissed back at him, frustration rising up at him. Jessy was silent, and so was I. There goes a nice evening, i tought to myself. „Because“ Dan started, hising back „I consider Maya to be my friend, so if she is in trouble and needs help, im here for her.“ „She doesn't need your help, she's got me for that.“ Jake was already on the edge of loosing control, but Dan didnt care. He snorted „You mean like last time?“ „Dan, i'm warning you...“ Jake told him, barely containing himself. „Dan, stop it!.“ Jessy begged him. „No, I wont stop.“ He told her, being agitated more and more now. My head began to puls, all this was going too far now. „Dan, dont.“ I pleaded, but he barely spared me a look. „He wasnt here when shit hit the fan last time, Jessy, I was! We were, not him!“ Jake tensed for a second at Dans words, pounding his fists so hard on the table „You fucking moron, dont you think i wouldnt have been here if i could?!“ He was furious now, i had to interfere before this escalates for the worst. „Enough!“ I shouted, shooting up from my chair. They both looked at me surprised, but still furious. „Thank you, Jake, but i think i can speak for myself. The question was dirrected at me, after all.“ i told him, rubbing at the side of my head with one hand. He slouched in his chair, stung by my words. Dan smirked, but i turned to him „And you, you know damn right why he couldnt be here, you have no right rubbing it to his face like that!“ He fel silent at that. „Now, if you two are done with this 'cock fight', great, we can discuss it like civilized people. Otherwise, both of you can go to hell!“ I sat back, my head still pulsing, all looking astonished at me. No one spoke for what felt like eternity, Dan finaly breaking the silence again „I'm sorry, Maya. I didnt want for this to happen.“ He said, looking apologetically.“What i wanted to say, to try and make Jake here realize once and for all, is that we are here to help.“ He turned to Jake now, all that rage from before replaced with sympathy „Damn it, man, i have no clue what kind of 'friends' you had in your life so far, but you gotta learn to trust people and let them help.“ I took Jakes hand in mine, and he looked at me „Dan is right.“ I told him softly „And you know it.“ He sighed. He wasnt used to this, looking to others for help. He always relayed only on himself, but it was time for a change. He turned to Dan. „I apologize...for calling you a moron.“ I squeezed his hand, him bringing it up to his face, landing a soft kiss on it. Dan looked back at him, still serious „You mean 'fucking moron'?“ We all turned to look at him, and i tought all will start going downhill again. But then Dan grinned, Jessy hitting him on a shoulder for messing with us. I shook my head, smile appearing on my face. Dan extended his hand toward Jake „Look, man, i meant it, if you need help with anything, dont hesitate.“ Jake looked at him for a moment, accepting

Dans hand in a tight grip „Thanks.“ Jessy grinned at them, saying teasingly „Aww, i think this is the beginning of a beautifull friendship!“ I burst out laughing, Jessy joining me. Both Dan and Jake looked at us in disbelief, when Jake turned to Dan „I think i need another beer.“ Dan looked at him, nodding his head in agreement „You and me both, man. C'mon.“ He gestured for him to follow, as Jessy and me laughed even harder.

After all the tension, the rest of our evening was quite entertaining. Jake felt more realxed, but still got uncofortable at Jessy's openness and teasing. And him and Dan getting along after everything was welcoming. It was pretty late when the two of us said our goodbyes and left. The streets wer silent, only our footsteps echoing as we walked towards motel. Sleep was slowly getting at me, and i shivered from the nights chill. Jake threw his hand arround me, pulling me closer to him, his vicinity making me feel warmer instantly, and I leaned my head on his shoulder. „Thank you.“ I told him after a while. „What for?“ „For tonight.“ I said, smiling. „I had fun. It was exactly what I needed.“ „It was....interesting.“ He said. I chuckled „ Dont worry, i'll talk to Jessy to go easy on you in the future.“ He laughed „Thanks. I'll get used to her,eventually.“ I got serious „She told me, by the way. What you did.“ He tensed at it a bit. „Its fine, Jake.“ I said. He was silent, but I knew he was still bothered by it all. „Hey, talk to me.“ I said. He pulled away from me, putting his hands in his pockets. „Its just..I mean.. never mind.“ I stopped in place, Jake making few more steps before turning to me. „Jake, please.“ I said softly. He got agitated again. He was silent for a moment more. „Fuck it“ he said, raising his voice in frustration “I wasnt enouhg, Maya!“ „What are you talking about?“ I asked confused. He sighed and sat on the floor, leaning his hands on his knees. I came and sat infront of him. He looked desperately at me „I wasnt enough. I couldnt help you. I've let you down, again.“ My heart ached so much, it pained me to see him like this. „Jake, you didnt let me down. And you did help me.“ He snorted „You sure about that?“ „Yes“ I said, smiling at him. „Dont you get it, it was exactly what Dan was refering to earlier.“ „What do you mean?“ he asked. „What I mean , Jake, is that sometimes you need another helping hand.“ He still wasnt convinced. „But i'm suppose to take care of you, me Maya. To keep you safe, to make it all better. And i cant even do that right!“ „Jake, I would crumble to pieces long ago without you.“ i said softly „You make all this bearable for me. You are my light in all this darkness. So please, stop doubting yourself.“ He sighed „Easier said then done.“ I got up, extending my hands for him, smiling softly „Then, let me be your 'helping hand', I promise to take all that doubt away.“ He just stared at me for a while, before he took my hands, letting me pull him up. He leaned his forehead to mine and hugged me. „You are amazing, have I told you that already?“ I smiled „You might have, but pleast, dont ever stop.“ He chuckled and kissed me „Thank you“ he said, as the kiss ended. „For?“ i asked. „For being the way you are.“

We continued towards motel, hugged once again. I hoped my words eased his mind. Him opening to me more was a welcoming step forward, but still, much of the work to be done here. There was practically nothing I knew about his life before we met, and honestly, i wasnt sure how much of it I wanted to know, as much as I might be curious about it. I never asked him, and he rarely said anything of it. I knew that currently he was 'doing stuff' for someone, allowing him to be here freely. And I did tell him i'm ok with it, and that I trust him, wich i do, completely. But there was constant fear in me that things might turn for the worst again. With my toughts wondering off like that, i didnt realize we wer in front of motel room. Jake was about to put the key in the lock, stopping abruptly. „Jake?“ i asked worriedly, as he pulled my phone from his pocket. Another call. He set it earlier to vibrate, so no wonder I didnt hear it. He was about to answer when i stopped his hand „Dont.“ I said, looking pleadingly at him. „Maya..“ he said softly. „Please, Jake, just dont“ i said, sounding tired. I sighed „Just this one time, let it be. Give me just this one night, please, to feel normal again.“ I let go of his hand. The phone continued to vibrate, then stopped. „Thank you.“ I said relieved. He turned back to the doors, letting us enter. He went to the desk, taking his stuff back on it from the backpack. „I know we should have answered it.“ I said, standing next to bed, taking my sneakers off. „But i just wanted to go to sleep tonight with a smile, not worry and frustration.“ Jake walked to me putting his hands around my waist. „Well, i know of one way you can get rid off some of that frustration.“ He raised an eyebrow at me, his eyes sparkling. „Oh really?“ i asked. I turned us, so his back was facing the bed, and pushed him on it, situating myself on him. I intertwined my fingers with his on both hands, moving our now joined hands abowe his head. I leand to him as i did it, stopping my face just an inch from his. „Are you sure you want this?“ i asked teasingly. „I still have much of the previous frustration in me, it could last a while.“ His eyes flared at my words. He roled me on my back, our hands now above my head. He released one hand, moving it down my body, that flare in his eyes intensifying with every heartbeat. My whole body trembled with my own desire under his touch. He kissed me so fiercly, and said with a heavy breath as he broke our kiss „Good.“

#duskwood fanfic #duskwood jake #duskwood mc #duskwood jessy #duskwood dan

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yeoldontknow · 3 years

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❧ check in tag

tagged by the sweetest angel @propinqxity to do this little tag. this is such a cute list of questions, and some of these i dont think ive been asked before. thank you so much for the tag and the tumblr crush mention lovely. you truly are a bright spot on this website and i mean that sincerely <333

going under a cut because im certain i will ramble ~

1. Why did you choose this url?

its sort of like a pun between yall dont know and the fact that, hopefully, sincerely, chanyeol does not in fact know that i run this blog lmao i changed to this after a long time of being bread-jinie and i wanted to rebrand. i will, however, do my best to never change URLs again because the masterlist switch over was a complete hassle

2. Any sideblogs? If you have them, name them and why you have them

i have a fic recs blog called @yeoldontknowiread. as to why i have it, i know it hasnt been updated in ages since ive been kind of on hiatus, but i think reading and sharing work on this platform is immensely important. i actually read quite a lot of fanfiction, and i try my best to share the things i read. im very very behind on recs at the moment cause i try my best to write something substantial for every recommendation i make. as a writer, i know exactly the kinds of thoughts and feedback on fics that make my heart soar so i try to put in the same energy to my recs. community is only fostered when there is reciprocation

3. How long have you been on Tumblr?

hmmm since april 2017. i actually had my 4 year anniversary this year and i did have plans for things but i got roped into real life things and couldnt celebrate the way i truly wanted to :(

4. Do you have a queue tag?

no but sometimes i think i should. i view tags as a library on top of my knee jerk response to things. most of my tags are just my initial thoughts or feelings at any given moment, so those take precedence over a specific queue tag

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

when i was getting into exo, i was reading fanfiction like crazy. i used to write fanfic quite a lot in other fandoms, but at that time i hadnt written anything in about 2.5 years. exo was the first re-introduction to that feeling of excitement and inspiration. after about 3 weeks of straight reading, i decided i wanted to write again. i wrote the prologue to hero in about two hours and tried logging into AO3 to post it. sadly i forgot all of my log in information because it had been years, and was getting frustrated. i really wanted to put it somewhere out of fear that id lose interest if i didnt do something with it, and everything id read had been on tumblr. so i made a tumblr just to put hero lmao i didnt have any mutuals. it was a blog with straight 0. i hadnt even created an account to interact with writers before that moment, i really thought id be a silent reader forever. but exo woke me back up and for that i am eternally grateful.

6. Why did you choose your icon?

the yours music video is...so stunning? like the colour theory throughout the whole thing is truly so inspiring and gorgeous. and this shot of chanyeol looking at the painting took my breath away, truly. tulips and the color of peach, like do you know how evocative that is? ugh

7. Why did you choose your header

my header was made by @jamaisjoons for my birthday this year because shes literally the most talented person when it comes to graphics. and this was so kind of her to do, i cried a lot

8. What's your post with the most notes?

uhm....either the body through time or truth i cant remember which but i checked recently and its one of those

9. How many mutuals do you have?

honestly at this point im not even sure. i know ive lost a bunch while i was on hiatus because i was basically a dead blog, and some people do dash cleanses. and im certain others have left, too, for their own reasons. still, i have a good core of friends though who are active and that is enough for me

10. How many followers do you have?

more than i probably deserve

11. How many people do you follow?

399

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

uhm i guess? there was a time when nng was not updated and every wednesday id post the days go by music video in sadness and grief but im not a big shitposter. if i make a text post its usually a life update or me crying about chanyeol, theres no inbetween lmao

13. How often do you use Tumblr every day?

tbh i havent used tumblr that often, not since march i think. i used to use it many times a day, checking in on friends and stuff, but once i started focusing on my phd applications i was only here sporadically. i didnt make an announcement either, just let my blog run on queue so i wasnt totally gone. i think i was checking in twice a week or maybe once every two weeks to refill my queue and check mentions etc. but now that my interviews are done im trying to get back on here daily to reconnect

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? Who won?

ive had my share of disagreements with people and any details about those situations shall remain as they are meant to: private

15. How do you feel about "you need to reblog this" posts?

in what context? like, you need to reblog this or your wish wont come true? or like, please reblog this to spread the word/spread awareness, etc? in the case for the former, i scroll right by. in the case of the latter, if im around and see someone raising a go fund me or some major event is occurring and i find a post with good sources or charities i will reblog. mostly though, the full extent my activism isnt really on this blog. its my escape from reality. my activism is usually placed on other platforms.

16. Do you like tag games?

i doooo!!! theyre so fun i love learning about my friends

17. do you like ask games?

i love those too! theyre so cute and usually a nice way to have interaction immediacy with people in the community

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?

no one. can we please abandon this notion of fame on tumblr? arent we all here to write about some dick and some smut and some fluff and then hang out together and log off? lmao tumblr isnt reality and followers/fame is so arbitrary on this platform, no one has any control over any of it

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

i am in love with so many people here. let me name a few:

@yehet-me-up @kyungseokie @jenmyeons @j-pping @jamaisjoons @inkedtae @kookdiaries @yoonia @dulcetvk @kithtaehyung @imdifferentshadesofpurple @ditzymax @sugaurora @sahmbtsficrecs @junghelioseok @yeojaa @augustbutwinter @joonscore @btssavedmylifeblr @cutechim @sunshinekims @kimtaehyunq @ouvuo @delhyun @exo-stentialism @sooibian @softyoongiionly @jinseunie @zibermuda @bratkook @1kook @luffles424 @xjoonchildx

and so many other people and mutuals that i am certainly forgetting. love is such an expansive feeling, and it encompasses platonic ardor and creative desire. i admire every single person listed for so many different reasons, and cherish and treasure them or what they provide to the community. love is such an important and broad experience. truly, i hope they feel adored every single day x

#check in tag

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misterbitches · 3 years

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i had the misfortune of finally watching/getting through what happened in whatever episode where he gets raped so im gonna talk about it and tag it cos that's what a bitch fuckin feels like, got it? i do what i want aint no limit bad ass bitch aint never been timid. woopsie realized i got the nicknames confused oh well lmao

it's just logistically and plot wise like there's literal plot holes in this and i'm taking the production and set-up into account along with the actual content and development. im an ARTIST OKAY im jk i mean i am and i am pretentious and terrible but look. i didnt get that degree and im not in a house worth of debt for nothing ok. it's called writing on tumblr about my grievances of shows that dont matter and do not respect me as a fat black american woman either so it is my fault yet here i am.

anyway it was worse than i imagined and their talk after (with chengren) was even worse. that's what i mean about making the lines their own (the actors) bc teng teng sounded like a straight up motherfucking moron and im like

bECAUSE IT'S HIM EVEN THO IM LIKE WHAT THE FUCK DID U JUST SAY U STUPID BITCH? but then it's like awwww and they also care about his wellbeing obviously??? but no? but it's like ok still teng teng said it even if it's stupid because he is a character and charles puts that forth. the people that fail the most to do that are xing si's family but that's not the actors fault because it's the literal material. you're like wait what but you just said...?

so i know they have no script editors i guess i think i find this season ACTUALLY fascinating because of just how egregious it is. i also went back and watched history: obsessed which i thought i liked because of their chemistry even though god the production....but i tried rewatching it and i was like wow this is worse than i remembered and the production issues were even worse because some of the music was SO LOUD AND BAD HOLY FUCK and their whole rship isssssss a sight to behold lmao

so man i guess it really is the power of anson/charles. which is good cos we love to see it...sort of but also a lot.

i honestly....because i've been able to pay attn more to the aftermath of the rape going back and putting it into more context and focusing (just barely lmao) is hm even worse. the inconsistencies are insane. it's not even just about the act but the writers have zero idea where they are going because they have no interest in exploring it. but the way in which it happens is like fascinating. yong jie literally thinks he owns xing si and it doesn't matter if he was kissing him or not or asked for a kiss on the lips (which dude what the fuck? i'll get to that) because he was plied with "extremely strong drinks" and his mom knew about it....which girl congrats you're an accomplice to the rape of your son by your other son?

but first of all...the kissing thing. in what fucking world would he (xing si) want that unless he thought he (yong jie) was someone else. i can't say their attraction is evident because we are being lead by this team to think so; they create this false sense of sensuality already so to me that signifies that they never intended for them to have a bond as brothers. it just feels cheap and fucking lazy (which it is.) even if he did, which doesn't make sense considering the context THEY CONSTRUCTED, it wouldn't matter because he was so fucking drunk which.... at that point nothing is fun, you feel sick, who wants sex like that? does he not have whiskey dick? did they have a condom? was it not painful for him considering? even if this was something to easily get over like was the dick good? it couldn't have been. and then, on top of that, there's the fact that you can change your mind or whatever but also that people do get aroused in these situations bc it is human nature (that's if they can literally get aroused which if the drinks were allegedly sooooo strong that nigga would be out so....again like even practically here it doesnt add up. have these people ever been drunk? if not, write what you know girl. cos sometimes it's like i think some of u r trying to be cool when u dont have 2 b lmao)

so yong jie coming on to him previously may be seen as like push-and-pull but here's the thing. right after it happens (the rape and it's rape so call it that you'll be okay) xing si gets up and goes home and is terrified and upset. he acts like what we have seen or even felt after a violation. he's scared, clutching his bag, it's like...you know...decently coming off as truly distressing (the actor isn't bad at all and i like that he's dark. i just massively hate this for him but hey at least he can show some chops.) like honestly man that fucking sucks and hurts to see. if we've been there we feel it. or part of it is realizing belatedly what happened. a lot of times that drop in your stomach is the worst.

but somehow for some reason, to which i cannot understand, the three of them begin to talk as if xing si pressured him? which maybe i missed something and that is possible—dont feel like going back to look—but that also made no sense. like what kind of false memory is this? why would he think he wasn't willing? and if he thought yong jie wasn't and that he pressured him how does he remember like...anything about the sex?!?!??!? besides waking up and being with him. like i guess he felt yong jie's MASSIVE DONG imprint but ??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!? MAKE IT MAKE SENSE!!!!!

god then the logic of the top/bottom thing is like i said i wasnt going to get into it but it's actually really funny. this whole thing was hilarious. honestly because I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT THAT MEANS. he could have totally raped him in that way but how did you get to this CONCLUSION FROM THAT??????? BY YOUR LOGIC THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS? IF HE IS THE BOTTOM AND PENETRATION IS THE ONLY FORM OF TRUE CONSUMMATION AND RAPE BECAUSE APPARENTLY, BASED ON ANATOMY, IF YOU HAVE A DICK IN UR BUTT UR A GIRL THEN HOW. DOES. THIS. MAKE. SENSE. AND THEN

AND THEN

this whole stupid conversation happens so we get to the conclusion that xing si violated him ok cool but that means that something is wrong. that is the CONCLUSION WE CAME TO A SECOND AGO?

also the other rapist is a villain and muren isn't in love with him so, once again, you're breaking the rules of your own world about acceptability which is why most of this is absolutely mind bogggglinG that iit's fuckign comical. like i actually when i can stomach it start laughing or my jaw is slack because it's so insulting as a viewer because there is like 0 logical followthrough.

because whatshisface barges in, kisses him in front of his friends without permission, then says whether you were willing or not which is hm. at that point how u gonna change that around but let's not bother with logic here. i am simply here to point out how this makes no sense according to the rules they set up even outside of the basic rule of life which is hm dont rape people maybe.

so now we know xing si was raped, they believe he was raped, he himself believes he was raped, and whatshisface literally says he doesn't care even if he was willing (he wasn't) so he admits to rape. i don't believe in the police and i hate them (BL industry needs the cops but dont get me down that road) but no one...thought to go?

because according to history 4 logic nothing matters so im sure if he went to the police you could handwave the homophobia since there's no actual context for anything besides their whimsy. but they dont want to do that because they aren't interested in an arc of growth; redemption isn't possible unless he is removed from the family but again no work on thinking this through or thinking about the victim's feelings. because gay sex? who fucking knows. supposedly progressive taiwanese writers of gay shit (like how supposedly progressive the world is. as in it is not and this behavior is the norm and bl perpetuates that) can't think of transformative justice?

and then they gave bad advice so we wont acknowledge that because teng teng doing anything wrong/stupid is frequent but hurts me and also that storyline is not real so i pretend they are not there outside of this post

so all of this is just straihgt up clownery now because it's fucking absurd like logically, practically, human-wise. the kissing thing is inconsequential but it was such a lazy cheap way out lmao cos they really wanted it to seem consensual but that's not how it works. on top of that their attraction makes no sense because whatshisface is just there. he is just there. he's nothing and no one so the sentiments are even more empty and on top of that he doesnt listen to a single request fucking obviously because the basis of their relationship is fucking rape so fucking listening and respecting his partner is not on his list of fucking priorities. he's literally so fucking annoying even without being a rapist it's like someone please beat his ass.

and then after all of that you want us to feel bad? with your horrible writing, poorly misplaced music, stupid costumes (those fucking SHOES THEY ARE HIDEOUS, AND MOST OF THIER CLOTHES DO NOT FIT IT'S LIKE WHY), questionable fucking editing. we're supposed to wnat them together? this sounds literally fucking crazy but bear with me lmao even with the rape they could at least have SOMETHING i mean like i cant believe im fucking saaying this. but like in addicted heroin which is fuckin tragic and awful at least there's a MODICUM of interest but honestly that show s a fucknig drag. idk they lookd good together? here we have 0. nothing. and it doesnt motivate. watching obsessed again i can see why i liked it in the beginning bc they have good chemistry but the acting and production adn like everything about it plus the rape-y vibes it's just too much. you need to pick one thing so if you're going to be a shit writer at least supplement it with something. this thing is nothing.

and even more nonsensical and what boggles my mind frankly out of all this is the mother's involvement and the father's final response. there are NO consequences? theyre all happy?

ok so lets go through this:

1. 2 boys grow up 2gether, one of the boys is fucking psycho, the mother knows but does nothing??????????????

2. one of the sons moves out so his father doesn't get a hint that's he's fucking gay. ok fine. he has 2 best friends, a job, an apt. he is fine.

3. aforementioned brother is obsessed with him for SOME REASON besides being crazy?

3.5 no one has done anything during him growing up to help him not be crazy?

4. mom says to husband who is their father also just in case we forget "im afraid he will lose his humanity"

4.5 again, do nothing. 0. just like oh man hes crazy. guess that's just our son ;)

4. who cares. plies him with alcohol purposefully to rape him. not even dubious (even though dubious is fucked and not okay or is just not. fucking real. these shows are contextless when they want to be or even movies or whatever so it's like largely not up to the task to understand complexity in human rships and then oversimplifies it constantly because that's what we do IRL. but people have fucking feelings you know and we realize when things don't feel good or right to us either very quickly after or having to process it. and once you're eyes are opened you may feel as something was fucking ripped away from you. for the modc couple this would be a very logical conclusion for the high schooler the thirty year old dated but again logic or feelings are up to their whimsy. no one cares bc everything can be counted as dubious so honestly it's a fucking stupid fucking topic like again why are we litigating what is and isnt consent when you could just like idk. read cues? consent? wait? not be a freak? like we all know what is proper human shit so even if we are watching this uncritically which u cant bc it's glaring and stupid it's just even more dumb) so it was honestly a rape plot like he literally planned it soooooooooo??!?!

5. aftermath of rape the victim is like literally fucking bereft and confused. and a rape victim. like that's what they are insinuating and what also he is to be clear.

6. boy tells him "idc if i raped u i luv u lmao"

7. mom ENCOURAGED THE BOY to get him drunk because her other son was too nice? she encouraged her adult son to rape her adult step-son (but her real son because she repeatedly says you are my son and the dad does too THEY GREW UP TOGETHER WHEN THE KID WAS IN AN IMPRESSIONABLE STATE) so THIS ALSO MAKES EVEN LESS MOTHERFUCKING SENSE

8. everyone finds out about his rape and he isnt mortified he's just concerned about himself being gay to his dad?????? except it's not really about his gayness bc now it's about his sudden love for his rapist brother? which? hm ok. understandable the dad is like wow i do not think i like this

9. dad knows all of it is fucked up, everyone does, knows the mother fucked up, knows he fucked up. doesnt like it because he is normal. so we know this is terrible? ok great so—

10. father says "i can't accept this...but i'm willing to give you my blessing" ok see here's the thing. when you write you have to think about the things you are putting on the page and what you have written previously. this quite literally made no sense how the fuck are you going to not accept them but give them your blessing? does this crew know what the fuck words are? i'm assuming they went to some sort of school to obtain jobs here bc there cannot be natural talent or experience. maybe most of them are rich. fuck i do not know but this also makes no sense. just the literal logic of it it's like fucking insane the whiplash.

10.5 apparently this father is also shitty. everyone here sucks and they are basically begging me to think xing si is a fucking idiot so i dont even want to look at him if he is an object he doesnt matter so now i want to kick him. thanks a lot you made the victim get absolutely fucking nothing

they KEEP PUSHING the brother thing it is so insane and it's liek GUYS WE GET IT WE UNDERSTAND THEYRE "RELATED" BUT NOT RELATED SO IT'S OK HE WAS "RAPED" BUT NOT RAPED but you're GOING BACK ON YOUR OWN RULES!!!!!!!!!! WE GET THAT THEY ARE BROTHERS!!! WE'RE OVER IT NOW BUT WHAT IS THIS WHEN WE ALREADY ESTABLISHED SOMETHING? I AM CONFUSION? they flip flop between my son, my brother my actual brother, and cannot fucking distinguish between love for your father and love for your romantic partner? so to me what i see is that the father wants to fuck the son. that's the conclusion i am garnering now considering nothing matters and his love for his "brother" is the same as his love for his dad lmao. they couldnt even do that in a way that made sense. like damn anybody can get anything. these ppl who are doing this have to be fucking rich and/or have connections.

also this guy sounds literally like a textbook abuser like he says constantly "im the best choice" is a rapist is awful holds capital (oh hees "saving" smh ur trapping her!!!!! RETIRE!!!!) also wears terrible shoes so i am like ur alllllllllLLLLL FUCKING CRAZY ur all literally crazy and then they are trying to set rules and boundaries in their fucking house like WHY ARE THEY LIVING TOGETHER EVEN? even tho oh my god they know he raped him and for some reason they are both allowing to live in the house but they dont want them to have sex??!?!?!??!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?! i get that this is their house but this is like at this point these ppl are writing anything and now whatshisface is acting like a 2 yr old again and we are supposed to find this cute? like it makes 0 sense why do u fucking care u literally encouraged ur son to rape him so they cant have consensual sex under your nose now and have to wait four years? this is coming from the son who couldnt wait until someone was sober enough to realize hes fucking psychotic and should be killed also the fact that they act like being 20 means u have no fucking brain like this kid is in med school supposedly how do we know like hes a liar and an idiot so. also wait do they mean undergrad? how are you in med school at 20? is he a genius? girl i dont care lmao i guess i missed that but it's not like it matters so whatever

even if we ignore the stupidity of the literal acts, the grossness of the content, the absolute inability to write coherently or even remotely in a way where we would even want to see them together which is like....u set it up at the beginning so he punches "the love his life's best friend" also holy fuck im sorry remember when he punches muren because xing si got too drunk. so i'm guessing whatshisface is that good of a bartender that he makes super strong drinks and gets xing si drunk but his alcohol is magical therefore it doesn't make him sick. his alcohol is the type that gets you drunk but somehow doesnt get to your liver even though that's how we get drunk but dont ask guys he's only in med school and a bartender so i think he knows best (seriously have the main writers had a day of fun in their lives? have they ever been drunk? are they toddlers? drunk babies could probably do better tho.) i get that he was also jealous but if this kid is SOOOOOO genius (he understands social cues lmao he has the cpacity to project onto his victim so im like miss me with the not understanding shit. go to a fucking therapist like seriously did no one care abt this kid? his mother thinks he's like almost a goddamn murderer. how is she not dead? how are they all not dead? how do any of them know how to drive with this type of brain?) then he would understand that they are very clearly friends since he watched them part in a very platonic way and since he apparently knows what love is cos he thinks....he can....make someone fall in love with him bc he loves them? again, i wouldnt know hes 20 and taiwanese and im 29 and black from AMERICA so im WESTERN* so you know. different life experiences i guess XD

even if we do mental gymnastics to get it to a place where they "had sex" and he didnt rape him there's 0 ZERO ZERO ZERO ZERO ties to the literal story they wrote and the rules they set up. i'm going ot assume they dont know wtf theyre doing and i know for a fact we all care more about their dumb show than they do but it's actually startling how piss poor this is it's like idek what to compare it to. the continuity is awful awful awful they needed a script supervisor majorly and they are making bank and are going to make fucking bank fof this shit. and itll just continue like that until IRL material changes and that's facilitated by these very same groups they choose to profit off of and exploit by propelling it into the mainstream and litigating homosexuality through capitalism. and i'm being specific with homosexuality. i dont want a GL market like at all and i know why we wouldnt have it either and that has everything to do with the nature of BL, capitalism, coercion, and the fanbase being young girls and women. i don't think in this day and age we can safely say all the fans are straight; i'm sure a majority but many women or people on the gender spectrum and sexuality spectrum also consume it. frankly, it's possible the women who write it could be or something too. i dont rly believe any1 is str8 lmao but im just saying it's not out of the realm of possibility. but it isnt about that at all. that's why we wont see "good" female characters (like well written) often that's why we won't see trans women or kathoeys or fat people or black asians in it. a lot of it is is a choice we participate in whatever. but holy fuck dude u could at least respect the audience's fucking intelligence. i'm talking about everything i think that is encapsulated in the project but it's even more jarring and worse because it's so insanely inconsistent and poorly done. like how we jump from one conclusion to another is wild to me. even their first "night together" and he wakes up im like girl....u no ur ass felt it. this nigga broke into his house and was like "im gonna have u" like it's getting weird

just make xing si suffer offscreen not us the stupidity is staggering, mind blowing, hilarious.

how wong kar wai, a straight man from HK (or at least married to a woman), or barry jenkins, a striahgt black man, write/do stories well about people they wouldnt knw about their experiences directly is....well thinking like using their brains and like knowing all types of people? the man who co-wrote moonlight is a hOMOSEXUAL, leslie cheung was fucking gay or queer (and he committed suicide and that's important also RIP homie) both are hailed as queer cinema like WKW wanted to do something else and invested time into it, changed the way he played around with structure, moved away from his crime oriented stuff. he THOUGHT about it and this film is about their reality. it's a harsh film, idk how i feel about it (but my fav movies of his are the crime ones or the messy ones where it's clear he didnt write a script lmao fallen angels is one of my fav movies its' abt assassins kinda) but i know it means something. and he didnt like what HK had previously wasnt enough. it is not the only cinema that should be shown since it's such a stark reality and depressing but it is a real depiction so we can have all sorts of stuff. no this isnt WKW level or moonlight level but i know for a fact these people think they are doing something because artists always do i say this as one and someone who is equally as useless. you're making a statement.

i also hate the westerner component of peoples analyses. first of all dont do cultural relativism. we can critique and respect. but second of all how are we going to keep saying "dont put western ideals on this" when that is what is happening anyway because that's part and parcel for soft power and capitalism. how about taiwan's history with the KMT? what about the regimes young people fought about? aided by US imperialism which permeates through society and affects material conditions, views, democracy, identity and that goes into culture and media. hm? what about that? is that reality too fucking western for people? that we are doing the same thing again now? is that okay to talk about or is that only on your time?

then there's the argument that this is just entertainment. yea no shit but the thing is if we r gonna talk about marginalized groups and watch bc of marginalized groups and then be expected to identify then i dont see why i cant put this in context. even if it wasnt fucking serious we'd still judge it. but it's so pompous and again like i wouldnt say EYE think it's art but it is "art" in the literal sense and no self respecting artist would ever go "man this means nothing." of course im not sure if they do respect themselves so hey but u cant just go oh man it's entertainment when it literally rests on the fact that HOMOS are MARGINALIZED. it literally rests on the fact that WOMEN ARE OBJECTS. you either want progress or you dont. i dont understand being so demanding but not beign specific in the demands and not trying to use your brain. if you dont want to use your brain don't. but if you are looking , engaging, and keep making these arguments or telling ppl it doesnt matter whilst complaining about how much others care is hypocritical at best, willfully obtuse at worst. both bad. :)

(also all this + another thing; it is insulting to have this like wedding happen based off of this stupid relationship when people fought so hard and had to push it. now they can use the material conditions to their advantage but it's so ridiculous. also because there is difficulty still in getting married in taiwan i'm honestly like....the boldness of the writers...)

#history 4 #history 4: close to you #*dont call me western ever #a thot

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tangerinegod · 4 years

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Hello! I am sorry to bother you but I am a senior getting ready for college this year. I am in the US and I wanted to major in the same thing you did, do you have any possible tips for me? I still haven't even looked for colleges that would be best for animation majors so I figured if you were up to giving out any tips/saying any basic ideas if you wanted to/if you had the time to then maybe I'll have a better idea! I apologise for if I sound weird! I'm tried to word it correctly but I can't 😿

hi!! i’m totally down to share my experiences! someone else also had some questions so i’m going to put them all together in this post haha, hopefully this helps! it’ll get pretty long so apologies ahead of time but art school is a lot to think about so i wanna be as helpful as i can around it, its a lot of time and money. I’m gonna put it all under a read more cus it is really really long!

i wanna start off with the fact that I had the privilege of attending school in a financially stable environment, my parents were/are really supportive so w merit scholarship i only came out with around 20-30k in debt and i also had housing support my entire time in school. they were ok with me focusing on academics so i didn’t hold a retail job unless i was out of school like summer/winter break. Ofc though i regularly take commissions/do merch/cons to try and pay for all bills that arent rent cus i did want to be financially independent where it was possible. I also did try and work during the semester but everytime i did my body would deff start to breakdown from the fact that i didnt wanna compromise schoolwork with jobs.. so just read ahead know this experience is from a student who was able to attend focusing only on school work for most of the time!

the biggest thing is knowing art school is not required to become a professional in either freelancing or industry! there are a huuuge amount of online tools and classes these days that provide the exact same education and for cheaper too. i think it depends on what experience you prefer/can handle/want but it’s definitely possible to make art/animation art your living without higher education. the thing that college will for sure give you though is the ability to meet deadlines, work even when you dont want to, and connections with peers+teachers. i think the connections part is invaluable because you’re basically coming out with a network of people you already know and who know you!

also its good to know if you want to attend/can handle art school! it’s a lot of time and energy and students get burned out really fast. the best piece of advice i got before going was ‘if you draw every single day, even if its for only like 5-10 minutes or a doodle for a whole year you should be fine’ consistency is super key because you’re attending school to draw, and you’ll have to create work for stuff you aren’t excited for at some point or another. burnout is extremely real and the only reason i didn’t experience it was probably because i got super into drawing naruto fanart again inbetween sophomore and junior year! it helped give me something to draw seperated from school which is the only thing i was drawing for since i had entered rip. a heads up id also consider myself a workaholic so i fit in ok with the ‘art school’ environment but it is suuper unhealthy. if you are fantastic at managing your schedule then it’s definitely possible to take care of yourself! freshman year i got 8 hours a sleep a night and only pulled all nighters for some second semester finals at the end. sophomore year + up though i ended up prioritizing hw over sleep and like for sure, definitely shortened my life span. there’s another q down below where i’ll go more into detail but ya, be careful w ur work balance!

another tip especially for animation is knowing for a fact what type of animation you’re looking to go into, and what the school is offering. I didn’t think i’d get into art school at the time so i only applied to two places + decided if i didnt get into either id attend community to get credits out of the way while building portfolio. honestly? i did not do a lot of research LOL but like i did end up having the chance to tour and stuff! just know that each school will have a very different curriculum. The main differences are schools that prioritize 3D (cg animation, cg modeling, ect) and 2D/traditional (hand drawn, ‘oldschool’, digital or traditional based) this is a huge difference so make sure you do research for it! in most cases a 2D/traditional program will also offer 3D since it’s at the forefront of the industry animation wise rn. My school taught 2D but like hand drawn on physical paper 2D, frame by frame. while it was a good experience it’s super outdated because digital tools make it way faster + easier! i’d recommend looking for a program that is digital 2D over traditional 2D.

if after your senior year covid is still affecting campuses in the US to keep them shut down i’d recommend attending a community college to get credits and then transferring into school. one of the negatives is paying money for gened classes when ur not there for them; if you can get them out of the way sooner and cheaper there is absolutely no negative + you could graduate earlier or use the extra time for better work or to work a job!

these are all the general tips i think i’d give on like a broad basis of attending or not to think about? let me know if u have more q’s! someone asked q’s im answering below that go more into personal experiences + work culture so heres those:

- how many hours a week do u spend studying, in class, otherwise making art? like how much of ur life does it consume?

I was basically working on art.... 24/7! since i wasnt working a job at the same time i crammed as many credits as possible into my schedule so on avg i did 18 credit semesters (around 6 classes) art classes go for 6 hours and non art go for 3, so i’d spent around 30-35 hours in class a week! hw wise it varied on the class but combined it would be around 35-50 hours a week... im guessing? on average studio classes would have 8-10 hours of hw, maybe 5 for a light week, and gened classes 5 hours w them all combined. or this was probably how things were before junior year? junior+senior year i had thesis + everything else ontop.. i’d spend around 30-40 hours on thesis a week with other classes ontop of that bc my film was super long cus im a dummy!

- is it hard going to art school n realising that altho u were probably quite talented… so is everyone else? Like. all of a sudden. ur not special and everyone seems as good as u, you know? More generally, how do u deal with comparison?

kinda?? i think instead of the idea of like you vs others it feels more of like a competition at first to be the best. this varies hugely on school culture though; my animation year was really friendly with each other and get along extremely well, so my answer to this is v different than some others who attended different schools. i think that the idea of ‘comparison’ only lasts a portion of the first year because at some point you realize that it’s not a who’s better as much as its a ‘these are my coworkers’ type thing? like healthy competition 100% because we’re all working to improve but i think most of us learned pretty early on that viewing each other as peers going into the same workforce helped a lot. also at some point everyone develops their own style/starts to develop their artistic preferences so there isn’t a way to compare whos 'better’ anymore? i dont think there ever is tbh because style is appealing based off of an individuals preferences. If anything realizing everyone else is also amazing makes you wanna work harder ig? or thats how i felt! it’s inspiring to be surrounded by so many people who create such amazing work.

- is there a lot of workaholic culture? all nighter culture?

100000% there can be a workaholic and all nighter culture. i know people who avoided it and thats honestly fantastic because i fall super easily into that pit. sometimes i’ll pull all nighters on a personal project just because i really want to finish it... i am definitely considered a workaholic all the way through and its not healthy rip... i’d estimate at the worst i was pulling 2-3 all nighters a week and only 4-5 hours of sleep on the nights i didn’t? that was only for one year tho, after that i was like yeah ok this is really bad for my health in the long run LOL so i tried to cut it down to one all nighter a week and around 5-6 hours of sleep the rest of the week! by senior year my decision to cram in full semesters paid off and i was able to consistently get around 7 hours of sleep a night + no all nighters minus finals since my schedule was lighter despite thesis 😭 while there is that culture i don’t think people view it as like a badge of honor or something to be proud of anymore which is good, we mostly view it as a flaw of the art school system and something that needs to be fixed!!

- are you glad u did it? how did u know it was what u wanted?

i am glad i did it! i’m definitely in a limbo right now of if it was worth both my time, money, and my parents money rip but i think with what i got out of it i definitely wouldn’t be as far skill wise or knowledge wise when it comes to the art industry. i would say it was only worth it for be because i had so much support going in though so i was able to focus so much on improving. if i had only been able to put in part of the effort and not make full use of the resources provided i would honestly have a different answer..

i knew it was what i wanted when i realized i really couldn’t see myself pursuing a different profession happily! despite all the bumps and stuff im fully in love with drawing still and feel honored that it’s a field that can provide a living. my second profession choice was to go into culinary school? and third option i think going was into music cus i was also a band kid hehe.

- how do u cope with ur hobby becoming ur job? how do u deal with art going from something u do for fun to something u do on command constantly?

i think seperating work art from personal art is important! in my case im doubling naruto into being personal work so i have something to fall back onto that isn’t work related. its been a hyperfixation for 12+ years? so drawing it at this point is just like personal art imo. some people have hobbies outside of art and only draw for their job! i think after attending classes for so long the idea of hobby turning into job feels extremely natural? also i enjoy doing it so thats a huge plus!

sorry this is SO long but i hope i answered your guys’ questions! if you have more just lmk!

#anon #ask #long post #im so so sorry this is like long as shit #ill literally tell you guys everything though art school should not feel like a mystery esp if ur planning to go into it!#Anonymous

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ace-pervert · 4 years

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Ive finished watching eleven seasons of rupauls drag race and now feel I am ready to briefly review each season

S1: A good start though it must be said, ONGINA WAS ROBBED! Also there was favoritism.

S2: Not a bad season but at least somewhat ruined by Rupauls rather overt favoritism towards Tyra and dislike of Pandora. While I didnt like Tyra on the show his callout of the entire drag community after leaving drag has given me massive respect for him and feels like karma for RuPauls rather blatant self promotion and attempts to turn himself into some kind of rolemodel. But aside from the callout and Jujube, and Pandora the season is unmemorable.

S3: The top three were all highly skilled and the winner seemed to deserve it though that was later put into doubt after it came to light that Raja had worked with RuPaul before the show aired, and lets be honest Manilla Luzon was much more talented.

S4: One of the best seasons in drag race history, has the best music video, and Sharron Needles is hands down the most influential and versatile queen in drag race history. The only bad part, aside from the editing against phi phi, is Latrice Royal, who, and I feel this needs to be said, wouldnt have been in the top four had Willam stayed, and certainly wouldnt have made top five if Alaska had been allowed to join, mostly because she kept showing a similar outfit, her not being a particularly good actor, being thrown off really easily, and quickly relying on a shtick.

S5: Good season, but I feel that Roxxxy really did end up in the top three only because Visage and Ru love drama and the Jersey Shore look that was at the time Roxxxy Andrews trademark look, and the Coco Alyssa drama was really dull, neither deserved to be as high as ended up, and ultimately both queens are unmemorable.

S6: Not a bad season but i'm not a fan of Courtney Act or miss Lake, mostly because I think they both get away with looks that really they shouldnt have gotten away with, though arguable so did Bendelacreme. Though it was nice that there wasnt any drama, and Bianca del Rio is really funny.

S7: Ive tried to come up with words to describe this season, I cant, its just that bad. No not bad just dull, really dull and awkward, and the worst part is that its not the queens who drag the season down, the queens themselves are fine and Pearl stands out as being a particularly interresting person when not on drag race, its RuPaul being a tool off camera and coming up with challenges that play to the queens weaknesses rather strengths.

S8: Unfortunately I found Bob the Drag Queen so attractive out of drag that I stopped caring about what he looked like in drag with the end result being that I have no idea if hes a good drag queen. But ignoring the moments where I was drooling over Bob it was a good season with some truly great outfits,and a good Snatch Game, that wether for good or bad did very quickly become the Bob the drag queen and Kim Chi show, making it in hindsight the second most plann

S9: The season started off with an appearance by Lady Gaga , whose reviews of the outfits consisted of little more than name dropping and not much else, unintentionally setting the tone for a dull and awkward season with a cheerleading challenge that causes one person to crack a rib and another to almost permanently lose their ability to dance, a Reality Star Rusical that is well just dull, painfully bad lipsinks, uninterresting outfits, and perhaps the blandest wierd drag queen in the history of the competition. Its also in this season that introduced the lipsink for the crown format that I personally despise as it takes the power away from the viewers and puts it back in Rupauls hand.

S10: Solid season, mostly focused on returning contestant Eureka but the other contestants are given enough focus that it feels natural. The challenges are interresting to watch, the snatchgame is funny, and the dresses are well made. The top four are all stars in their right and the winner of that season could have easily been any of them, making this the only season where a lipsink for the crown made sense.

S11: Starts off strong with people like Miss Vanjie, Brooke Lynne Hytes, Nina West and Yvie Oddly revealing a high degree of skill both as actors and as dress makers. Unfortunately the blatant favoritism of Rupaul, the judges, and the producers towards Silky Nutmeg Ganache (honestly they seem like a nice person in real life, but on the show they just seem like a tool), unimaginative challenges, distracting and irritating cameos by former drag race contestants including by Bianca whos dull and unentertaining appearance shows exactly why contestants shouldnt return at all, a rusical so god cringeworthy you'll pray for death (Trump the Rusical), the worst snatch game in drag race history, and painfully predictable twists result in a terrible season, with the only interresting things being the romance between Vanjie and Brooke (they broke up four months after the last episode before the reunion due to conflicting schedules), Miss Vanjie being well himself, Nina Wests acting, and Yvie Oddly's outfits .

S12: Havent seen it, but lets be honest this season is the one where the star is a sex offender. By now many fans have analysed the season and its become clear that the person who was intended to be the focal point and possible winner was Sherry Pie, which means that editing them out for very well known reasons also makes them the focal point just in a different way than intended. Hell it wouldnt surprise me if this season becomes known as the one with Sherry Pie, not the one where the winner won. Though it might also be the last season that RuPauls on, as there are rumors that hes stopping with drag race.

The Christmass Special: To short for a christmass special, to much like the other episodes to be special, to blatantly commercial to be Christmass, and to scripted, even by drag race standards, to be drag race.

And now for a review of the Judges themselves

RuPaul: On the outside a warm, outspoken, well meaning person whose done things which are truly groundbreaking. But beneath that warm exterior beats the stone cold heart of a businessman. He's calculating, manipulative, greedy, has no qualms about setting queens up for failure, and ultimately hasnt done much that could be seen as groundbreaking. Perhaps the worst part is that its clear that in terms of humor , mentality and fashion hes never left the 70s, which combined with his callous way of treating the enviroment (as shown by his fracking empire) and his history of transpobia, makes him a liability to the show. Even if you manage to ignore all of that, the show is ultimately about the drag queens, not about Rupaul, and Rupauls attemps to make it about him really drag the show down

Michelle Visage: Shes a mother of two teenagers with a stay at home husband pretending to be a bitchy whore on a tv show about drag queens, yeah thats her career. Now in truth thats not the biggest issue, the biggest issue is that shes got hangups and makes the same jokes over over again and that after being on the show for ten years she hasnt developed as a judge so the routine, to paphrase miss Visage herself, has been done to death. In truth the show needs something other than the same damn shtick and same damn comments all the time, and if she cant do it then she should quite so someone else can do it for her. Ok maybe thats the second biggest issue, the biggest is that she kisses RuPaul's ass untill it shines brighter than a mirror.

Valentino Rice: Good judge, and had great chemistry with the other judges.

Ross Mathews: Cute guy, wierdly charming, and interacts well with the others.

Carson Kressley: He comes across as a very tired, very frail, very gay but very very very dull ninety year old man, which makes sense given the fact that his entire career is based on being gay, and hes, well old. Ok hes not really old, hes 50, but on camera he looks and acts closer to 150. And the issue isnt that hes gay, its that hes doing a shtick, a very dull and fairly offensive shtick. Possibly the worst choice for a judge, and the show jumps in quality whenever hes not there.

Now for a few things that just bug me.

Favoritism: Unfortunately one of the biggest issues of the show is that seasons tend to be structured around Queens who are intended to be the winner, or at least the hero, from the get go, which has the advantage of allowing the creators of the show to change the structure and challenges from season to season, but also makes it hard to watch if the season is blatant in its favoritism, if the intended winner isnt that good, or if the winner gets eliminated for one reason or another.

Cameos by former contestants: Cameos are a great way to get people to say "I know that person" which is great in a tv show because you know that the cast wont change in the next episode, but not great in a competition where all it does is take away screentime from competitors and giving it to competitors who most likely did not do well enough to win in their own drag race, and even if they did, the show is not about them, but about the current contestants. As such if Ru wants them to return he should put them in All Stars.

Cameos by celebrities: Add nothing. Its drag race not the red carpet, i'm watching for the up and coming drag queens not famous people trying to boost their careers.

Adding politics to the show: No, just no. Dont do things like Trump the Rusical, dont have steven colbert do a voiceover, theres no way that can go well and it comes accross as virtue signaling. If Ru wants to do something good he should double the prize money and have half of the money go to a charity of the winners choosing, or stop fracking.

Adding politics outside of the Show: Drag queens are celebrities and entertainers, as such are constantly in the public eye and dependent on being in it for their income which means that anything they say in public, wether its gossiping, or discussing politics, needs to be viewed as being some form of self promotion. Now this might make things difficult for them, but it is a well known part of being an entertainer so it can be assumed that they were well aware of this before they joined Drag Race. If they do want to talk about politics without being viewed as self promoting, they are free to make an anonymous account on one of the many sites, like tumblr, where its assumed that no one knows who the other people are.

Family Friendly Drag: Lets be honest its men shoving their cocks up their own asses while dressing up as women, and naking refferences to sex, for the sake of entertainment. Thers nothing family friendly about it. Nor should there be as part of the appeal of drag is that its something that is restricted to adults. Likewise they arent heroes, they are entertainers, not doctors, not construction workers, entertainers no more worthy of praise then a person on a sitcom.

Drama outside of Drag Race: While drama on the show is to be expected and is part of what makes it entertaining, drama outside of the show is different its more personal and something that in truth should not be shared. However by presenting it as gossip on various shows they are saying its part of the show, which is unhealthy at best.

Final note.

While I am critising the Drag Race, I am not doing it because I dislike the show, I am infact a big fan of the show but at the same time I want to get my thoughts out there see how others view these topics.

#drag race #rupaul

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rqs902 · 4 years

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what a smile to start the episode...

cjh’s struggle with idol identity is something that’s been going on for a while, but every time it seems like he gets to a conclusion and then decides to keep going, but then still circles back with doubt. not sure if he’ll ever really be satisfied like this

the one thing about having so many strong vocals is at least the audio of this perf sounds super good and im proud of momo holding his own during his lines! so happy to see junrong and xzx and chenxu’s smiles when performing!

aw cjh freaking out bc he can brag to his mom that he got praised by zhl aw! i wonder if this will make him feel more comfortable in an idol space

awwwww this face when hyb says he did well as center

ayy just the fact that theyre complimenting the kids’ dancing, like xzx and cjh and enyu, i feel like momo must be relieved and proud. kinda disappointed that youku didnt put more emphasis on how much momo helped them and all, but i guess i should be grateful they included some of that in the last ep

also lol idk if i like enyu with light hair but everyone saying hes handsome now? i agree the confidence does make him more handsome tho

me: oh thats nice that xzx has really improved and he’s worked hard

also me: EXCUSE ME YOUKU I REFUSE TO BELIEVE LIN MO LOST TO XZX WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIS VOTES

also way to give huang junrong zero attention yet again for his singing and stage presence which were both A+ in this stage.... hes literally not mentioned at all during the judging and he didnt even get camera time for his vocalizations during the performance, bc ofc they were focusing on xzx instead... you cant trick me into thinking xzx sang those notes?? thats obviously junrong’s voice???

tbh i think i liked “follow me” less than the last song even, maybe this style of music just doesnt appeal to me but it seemed monotonous lol also kinda surprised this stage minimally utilized zhan yu’s vocals but im happy to see csp singing and smiling and zixin too! oof kou cong has been through a lot for his age, hes so young but 7 years on his own and manages to maintain a silly, fun personality wow

L O L MOMO WATCHING LIKE A TIRED MOM

hes just like “good luck son, i cant help you no more” LOL

HAHAHAHHAHAHAH THEY INCLUDED ZHAN YU DOING SOMETHING WEIRD AND EMBARRASSING YES THANK YOU WE NEED THIS IN OUR LIVES

people need to know zhan yu is WEIRD and FUN bc i think people are really missing out on this key part of his appeal LOL

lol i love kou cong and i honestly think he deserves to win a lot of votes and im happy for him, but im also skeptical of youku that he actually won... maybe bc of xzx winning last round also was a surprise, i feel like something just feels weird. if anything, zlj, zy or csp couldve gotten more votes than him. wasnt zhan yu in like top 5 for the last stage? zlj i dont need to mention, but i felt like csp stood out a lot in this perf too

LOL i love qcyn friendshipppp csp being supportive of kou cong and feeling open enough to joke around with them :’)

also side note, im just gonna question why they insist on giving zlj strange hairstyles...

lol them capitalizing yuehua friendship to promote sxl.......

akey’s rap was really good, i liked it! but also it doesnt seem like hes doing it live lol... and something seems off about his dancing. or maybe theyre all just not super in sync?

but on a separate note, am i the only one who feels like guo zhen’s voice is the only singing voice that doesnt sound forced in that high register?

hm i wonder if sxl’s injury also contributed to why their dancing looked off to me

also maybe im being overly skeptical but guo zhen winning also doesnt make a ton of sense to me either, so imma just make up a theory that youku is rigging people who they want to give those extra votes or extra attention to. it doesnt make sense to me that all 3 of the groups that went have had unconventional first place winners. unless the audience is just that weirdly skewed. but in this group, hwx and zuo ye have consistently done better than guo zhen... unless people agreed with me that guo zhen was the only one that didnt sound or look awkward during this perf LOL but we all know youku realllyyy wants guo zhen to debut and hes the least secure of youku’s picks to make it in, so im suspicious they did this to boost him a bit

wow jin fan looks really nice with that hair color, im surprised LOL

also xikan seems really nervous :\

not surprised they still feature the kids they want to feature at the end, but ill move on lol i wonder if we’ll ever find out what the rest of them got certificates for

#rants

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mysticmylifeisamess-enger · 5 years

Text

Cupid’s Texts

Happy (early) Valentine’s from your secret admirer @umbrella-kun <3 We both have mutual fav boys and it made it SO easy to write for you, so I hope you like your gift of a nervous, blushy Saeran (✿◠‿◠) (p.s. I googled ‘expensive wines’ so the Chateau mentioned in this is worth $3,500 sorry jumin)

Thank you @mysmevalentinesdayexchange for hosting!

Pairing: Saeran/MC (though I did try to fit some details of your CMC)

Word count: 2,816

Summary: Sometimes, cupid isn’t a baby in a diaper shooting arrows. Sometimes cupid is a red-headed hacker who uses his friend’s money.

Saeran really couldn’t take his eyes off you. While you had everyone’s attention as you spoke, you captivated him in an entirely different sense. The beating in his chest rapid, palms sweaty, and completely entranced with the kind look on your face as you went on. The blush on his cheeks deepening as he let his mind wander, unrealistic scenarios of you two together running through his mind. He wasn’t entirely focused on your words, but he found himself eyeing your lips, curious as to how they would feel against his.

“Saeran?” you asked, bringing him out of his thoughts as he looked around to see all eyes on him. For a whole minute there, it really felt like it was just you two in the room and he completely forgot he was at an RFA meeting, planning for the next party.

“I-I’m sorry, what, um, what were we talking about?” he stammered, his face turning beet red at the attention directed at him. Before you said anything, you’re hand went to his forehead, feeling the radiating heat that seemed to double at your touch. Even with how embarrassed he was, he still found himself focused on the concerned look on your face.

“You’re burning up, are you feeling okay?”

“I’ve never been better,” he replied, averting his gaze and letting out a puff of air he didn’t realize he was holding onto. Though he looked somewhat collected, his mind was racing a million miles a second. Wondering just why, out of all the responses he could come up with, did he say that. Why did the entire RFA have to witness that and what exactly are they thinking behind their judging eyes. And why on earth couldn’t he couldn’t just evaporate in this moment.

One he finally met your gaze again, he was surprised to see you still look worried. You took a step back, still examining his face before taking a seat.

“Alright, well if you need to step out for any reason, don’t hesitate to,” you said, attention back on the stack of papers from which you were presenting to the group.

“Smooth,” the voice next to him whispered for only Saeran to hear. It was met with a jab of the elbow to Saeyoung’s rib

As the meeting went on, Saeran’s eyes trailed back to you every once in a while, even when you weren’t talking. To him, you looked so cute with the absolute thoughtful look on your face. How someone could look so perfect without doing much was beyond him. After a while, his thoughts were interrupted by a buzzing in his pocket, checking his phone under the table so no one would notice.

‘You know what next week is, right?’ sent by the red-head next to him. Saeran looked over to see his eyes focused on Jumin as he spoke, but hands tapping away at the phone hiding under the table.

‘Why are you asking me this in the middle of the meeting?’ Saeran typed out and sent, met with an almost immediate response.

‘Because I’m trying to look out for you here. Now do you know or do I have to remind you?’

“I know it’s Valentine’s day next week, I don’t understand why you’re telling me this now, but get to your point before Jumin sees.’

‘Because I think you should ask MC on a date before you leave today.’

‘That’s not going to happen,’ he simply wrote, giving his twin a roll of the eyes.

‘Why not? Don’t you like her??’

‘No,’ Saeyoung let out a loud laugh at that, startling the rest of the group. Once he collected himself, he noticed Jumin staring daggers in their direction.

“Is there something you’d like to share with the rest of us?” he asked, obviously irritated by the interruption.

“Actually yes,” Saeyoung said, getting up from his seat to address the room. A small flash of panic in Saeran’s eyes, not knowing exactly what he was going to say or where this would lead.

“It has been a while since we’ve had a get-together outside of these meetings. I feel a real distance between myself and you all. It’s like I don’t even know you guys anymore,” he continued, “A real wedge has been driven between me and my fellow members and I won’t stand for it any longer.”

“Your point?” Jumin piped up.

“My point is that we should all have dinner together next week, spend some time together, get to know MC since she is our newest member. We can go out to a nice restaurant, have some drinks and just talk. It’s about time we take the ‘i’ out of ‘team’ and put the ‘friendship’ right back in it,” he said, looking around the room for a reaction only to see some pensive looks. After a moment of utter silence, Zen finally spoke up.

“I think that would be great, actually.”

“Yeah,” Yoosung agreed.

“I’m all for it,” you smiled eagerly, “Saeran, what do you think?”

“Yeah, um, t-that sounds great,” Saeran’s face deepened in color, averting his gaze to the floor.

Saeyoung eyed the remaining two, Jaehee and Jumin, for approval. They looked at each other, having a silent conversation with glances before Jaehee finally looked to Saeyoung.

“We can make time for it in our schedule,” Jaehee answered, Jumin nodding in agreement, “We’ll make the accommodations and-“

“Actually,” Saeyoung intervened, “let me take care of that. I suggested it so it’s only fair that I take care of the arrangements. Let’s say Thursday the 14th?”

“On Valentine’s day? Some of us could be busy that day,” Jumin said.

“Look around the room and tell me who honestly could have plans here. Do you need me to pull up the track record for everyone’s dating life?” Saeyoung said, earning a collective and defensive ‘hey’ from the other members.

“Am I wrong? Show of hands, who would be too busy with a date that day,” he spoke once again, a silence through the room at the lack of hands that went up, “Thought so. I’ll text everyone the details later. Jumin, proceed.”

He took his seat again, a small, devious smirk on his face as he looked at his brother. It was a look that alarmed Saeran, knowing it meant he had something up his sleeve. Whatever it is he had in store, he could at least be comforted by the fact that the rest of the RFA would be there.

The tie around Saeran’s neck felt uncomfortable, not used to having to dress so formal. Why Saeyoung chose such a sophisticated place to get together was beyond him, but he agreed to it nonetheless. Though, he only really agreed to it for the sole purpose of seeing you on Valentine’s day. Even if it wasn’t truly a date, the idea of spending this time with you, today of all days, was enough for him.

His hands instinctively went to loosen the tie as he rounded the corner of the restaurant, though he didn’t expect to see you right outside, alone, and waiting. His jaw practically slacked at the sight of you dressed so formally. It wasn’t until he got closer that he noticed all the small details that truly captured his heart. And the smile you flashed once you noticed him took his breath away.

“Thank god you didn’t cancel on me like the rest did,” you said, only gaining a quizzical look from him.

“Did you not read the messenger?”

“No, I just-“ though the words died in his throat once he looked at his phone to find a single text.

‘Reservation’s under my name. Good luck on your date~’ sent 3 minutes ago by his brother. He should have known that he’d pull this kind of stunt, wondering just where exactly he was holding the rest of the RFA captive. The idea of being alone with you almost terrified him, but he would be lying if he said he wasn’t happy for this.

“I guess it’s just us two then,” he said, pocketing his phone and biting back the wide smile that threatened to spread.

“Yeah, I guess it is,” you paused, meeting his gaze, “though I have to be honest, I’m kinda glad it’s just us.”

His eyes widened at your words, curious if he heard you right. The sincere look in your eyes, the soft smile as you looked at him confirmed just that. And for a split second, he almost wanted to thank his brother for setting this up.

“Really?”

“Well, yeah. I enjoy your company and any opportunity I have to spend time with you is one I will gladly take,” you said, smiling as you signaled towards the door, “now come on, there’s an empty table of seven and a dinner I’ll have Jumin reimburse waiting in there.”

He could only laugh as he followed, holding the door open for you. The restaurant was much nicer on the inside than you two expected, making your way through the crowded lobby to find where he needed to check in.

“Hi, reservation for Saeyoung Choi,” Saeran said to the hostess. They scanned the list in front of them, meeting his gaze once they found the name.

“Right this way mister and missus Choi,” they chimed, ushering you two to the dining room. He couldn’t help but flush at the implication, seeing you equally as red. He could almost hear Saeyoung cackling about this. Though he had to admit, it had a nice ring to it.

The table you two were brought to practically screamed ‘romance.’ It was secluded, covered in a seemingly expensive sheet with just as pricey silverware sitting atop, and by candlelight to contrast the dimly lit ambiance. The string music in the background carried the lovey-dovey feeling in the air, only adding to how absolutely flustered he was getting. Looking around, you two noticed the place was filled almost entirely of couples, obviously celebrating their love on this holiday.

He pulled out one of the seats for you, tucking it in once you settled in. You offered him a sincere smile, a silent ‘thank you’ at his mannerism as he took his own seat across from you. Once he looked at you, he felt his breath catch in his throat, stunned and overwhelmed by how truly beautiful you looked in this moment.

The way your eyes reflected by the candlelight passed your glasses had him awestruck, mouth hanging slightly as he took in every detail. The freckles on your face were like constellations he’d never tire of counting, a clear night sky he could easily get lost in. Your hair falling perfectly, almost serving as a halo that perfectly framed your face. His hand wanted so badly to reach for your own across the table, but he refrained.

“Your waiter will be with you shortly,” the hostess said, leaving you two and bringing Saeran out of his thoughts to realize he had just been staring at you.

“I, um, I’m sorry,” he stammered, eyes falling to his own hands that sat clasped on the table.

“For what?” you asked, a small laugh escaping as your hand found his, giving him a comforting touch. If it was humanly possible, he would have melted into a puddle from that, blush intensifying as he met your eyes once again. The sincere curiosity in them made his heart do leaps, trying to find some sort of reply.

“For starters, I’m sorry everyone seemed to have cancelled last minute.”

“What can you do?” you shrugged before continuing, “Though now that you mention it, it is odd that Saeyoung chose a place with this setting for a get together, what’s that about?”

“I think I have a hunch,” he sighed, gaining a tilt of the head in an unspoken question from you. There were few moments in his life he felt as nervous as he did in this moment, swallowing hard as he decided whether he would tell you his true feelings or not. He could never truly deny you of what you wanted, be it a favor or, in this instance, an answer. And especially not when you looked at him like that.

“The thing is-“

“Good evening mister and missus Choi, I’ll be taking care of you tonight,” a voice intervened with a bottle of wine in hand, “I have a Chateau Petrus courtesy of a ‘Cupid Choi.’”

“Cupid Choi?” you asked, seeing Saeran bury his face in his hands.

“Saeyoung, you son a-“

“Thank you for the wine, you can just leave it. We’ll still need a minute,” you smiled up at the waiter as they turned on their heel.

“As you were saying,” you said, regaining his attention as you went to pour the wine in the glasses. He reached for his own glass, meeting your attentive gaze once again. Whatever shred of confidence he had faltered in the last few seconds.

“The thing is,” he trailed, pausing to think his next words carefully, “Saeyoung couldn’t come because he was sick. He’s wanted to come here for a while and used this outing as an excuse to get Jumin to pay for it.”

“That’s really your hunch?” you asked, Saeran nodding in assurance.

“Yeah, that’s the thing,” he said simply, though he didn’t notice the dubious expression on your face, eyeing him as he took a long swig of his glass.

He put his feelings on the back of his mind, settling on just enjoying this evening with you. You two talked and laughed the entire time. To him, this felt natural. It felt like everything he had been looking for in his life, but he just couldn’t bring himself to tell you that. To him, you were a dream come true, but could never be his reality.

A few hours of you two drinking and talking came and went, The check that was brought was already paid for by ‘Cupid Choi,’ along with bouquet of flowers sent to the table as the final touch to this entire scheme. You two made your way out, idle chitchat along the way until you two were outside.

Alright, so the thing is?” you asked, stopping in front of him. He gave you a quizzical look, wondering just what you were asking.

“Oh come on, don’t try to tell me that what you wanted to say in there was that Saeyoung couldn’t come because he was sick. That doesn’t explain why everyone cancelled at the last minute. What’s really going on?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said passively.

“Saeran, I can see right through this act. Now tell me what the thing is, what you were going to say?”

“The thing is,” he paused, biting his cheek before he continued, “Saeyoung set this up. I didn’t know about it until I got here, but his original intent was to get us alone. The table, the wine, and the flowers were his small touches.”

“Why would he have to set this up?”

“Because he knows that I have feelings for you,” he finally said, looking to see the stunned expression on your face, though that didn’t diminish his train of thought.

“Everything about you captivates me so wholly and I find myself wanting to know more about you. When I’m around you, my throat closes up, the beating in my chest races, and I sweat more than usual. But that never seems to matter if only it means that I’m with you. You’ve made my world seem much lighter since you’ve come into it and I only ever want to make you as happy as you’ve made me.”

The air in-between you two felt thick, silence taking it’s place. For a few seconds, though it felt like an eternity, you two only looked at each other, processing the words that had just been spoken. The beating in his chest felt like it was pounding in his ears, trying to decipher just what the look you were giving him meant. Were you angry? Were you sad? Did he just make an ass out of himself? Why aren’t you saying anything??

Though all those thoughts were thrown out as soon as you leaned in, tip-toeing to press your lips to his. Your hand tangled into his hair, pulling him down as his found the nape of your neck to deepen the kiss. You could feel the small smile that tugged on his lips, wrapping an arm around to pull you closer to him. He felt like he was on air, elated as he pulled away.

“In case that didn’t say it, I feel the same way,” you said, hands toying with his collar as he still held you. He laughed, leaning back down, inches from your lips.

“Happy Valentines Day,” he whispered, claiming your lips as his once again.

#mystic messenger #saeran choi #mystic messenger saeran #saeran x mc #saeran x reader #fanfiction #fanfic #fan fiction #cheritz

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ultsracha · 5 years

Text

Friends to Lovers w/ Eric (tbz)

Request: Anon - Ok uuuh I’ve never requested before so idk how to word all this but could you maybe write some Eric (the boyz) catching feelings for his best friend and him trying to ask her out ?? And maybe like the other 00 liners making fun of him for being all soft :( I’m sorry I’m trash at explaining stuff <3 Have a wonderful day A/N: Thank you for requesting! im sorry that this isnt the best but i tried ! Warnings: mild angst & swearing

*He looks so teeny tiny in this gif ouchies my heart*

you and Eric had been friends for literally your whole lives

all of your childhood memories had him in them

running around the back yard? Eric was right behind you

Learning how to ride a bike? This dude was the reason you had the courage to do it

So it was no surprise to everyone that all throughout school you stayed friends

Joined at the hip every second you could be

In class you would sit together and help each other with the work

Of course you had your other friends, 11 of them who were all part of Eric’s band they called ‘The Boyz’

They accepted you into their group with open arms

Most nights after school were spent in the practice room with them

Watching them dance and run around

Eric always tried to get you involved but that’s a big, fat, nope

But you literally had the best, best friend

So, like every other day you’re sat at the lunch table waiting for Eric to get out of his class while you sat with Sunwoo and Hyunjoon

“You coming stargazing with us tonight?” Sunwoo asks as he shoves a few grapes into his mouth

“Of course, I’ll bring some food if you guys want as well?” you replied

This wasn’t uncommon for you all, to go sit on Kevin’s roof with blankets and snacks and just look at the stars

“Is Eric coming too?” You ask because let’s face it everything's more fun with him around

“OoOOoooOOOOoooOOh ‘Is Eric coming too?’ oOOooOo” Hyunjoon teases, nudging your arm

“Ah fuck off you know it’s not like that, we’ve been friends forever! I can’t go anywhere without him now”

They both continued to tease and nudge you around until you saw Eric walking over

As per the routine, you got up and met him halfway across the hall for a massive hug

“Hey! What’s up? You’re bright red?” He asks after hugging you

“Ohhh nothing, just dumb and dumber trying to steal my last brain cell” you giggle as you both settle into your seats

Eric draping his arm round your shoulders like he always does

Sunwoo giving you a sly smirk like he a l w a y s does when you and Eric even look at each other

It wasn’t hard to understand why everyone gave you these looks

Most people assumed you were together

Even some of your family had suspicions because of how close you two were

but you could only dream...

This little crush you had started mid teens and had persisted ever since

Now it was nearing the end of school and here you were, hopelessly in love

Honestly it had just become a normal part of your life by now and that was okay, as long as you had him with you being your best friend. It was okay

“You’re coming to Kevins tonight yeah?” Eric mumbles into your ear

Resisting the urge shiver you simply nod and turn away and continue to listen to the bickering of the boys

After that the day goes on peacefully, Eric walks you to class and kisses your forehead before jogging to his own class

The bus journey home you guys sit together and share earphones, taking it in turns to choose a song

“I’ll see you later yeah?” You ask as you both get off the bus at your stop

“Yeah I might be a bit late though, I’ve got some things to get done beforehand” he replies, throwing his bag over his shoulders

“Alright, I’ll see you later then!” you start to wave goodbye and of course, as per usual he brings you in for a hug and to kiss your forehead

and yet again your heart swells and you inwardly scream because why not your lips hm?

Later that evening Sangyeon picks you up, with Sunwoo and Haknyeon already in the car

Sunwoo on the aux playing some random country music to annoy everyone

It’s an amazing night to stargaze, you get to Kevins just at the end of sunset where the sky is mostly dark but a lilac hue still coats the edges of the sky

The stars already sparkling

Kevins roof was your favourite place to be as he lived at the top of a hill, meaning the view of the city below could be seen

As well as the roof itself having a large flat bit for everyone to cosy up together

Most of the group are already there setting up blankets and pillows and the speaker

As expected Eric wasn’t there yet so you just dumped out all the snacks you gathered next to the speaker and went to speak to the host

“Did Eric tell you what he had to do tonight?” you ask, watching Kevin struggle to smooth out a massive blanket

“Yes but I’m not telling you, it’s a secret” he replies

“Why? What is it?” your heart starting to race

Did he have a girlfriend? Was he keeping her a secret? Was he bringing her tonight?

Yes, that’s where your mind goes because, well every girl in the school would be lucky to have him

“Y/N calm down he’s gone to get something for tonight, don’t worry he’s still your mans but not really your mans” he smirks, patting the top of your head and walking away

You just stand there blinking before realising what he even said, leading you to pursue him to where everyone was sat already

“He’s not my ‘mans’ Kevin we all know he’s got every girl in the school whipped for him” you sigh, plopping yourself next to Jacob

who was munching on some chips

“Y/N you’re kidding right?” Sunwoo smirks while Hyunjoon giggles lightly and nods

“No I’m not, I’m honestly surprised he hasn't got a girlfriend already...” you mumble

The sad truth being explained to your friends hurt but it wasn’t hard to see, he wasn’t in love with you

“He has THE biggest crush on you Y/N how do you not see it?”

You look up from your lap to see everyone nodding in agreement

Who knew your friends would play such a prank on you

“This isn’t funny guys, you’re just teasing and it’s painful so please can we just change the subject?”

lets be real it would always hurt knowing how everyone could see how in love you were but how obviously he wasn't

“Seriously, everyday we see him he talks about how cute you look or how smart you are and how he can’t wait to show you this dance because he wants to impress you” Hyunjoon giggles while Changmin over dramatically nods

“and how you smell nice all the time” Sunwoo adds rolling his eyes

“they boy’s whipped for you” Hyunjoon continues

“It’s almost annoying how literally no one exists when you’re around because he’s so focused on you”

Your heart has literally stopped

Because ??? Eric???? liking you????

“Right let’s quit the teasing because we weren’t even meant to tell her so now you’re gonna have to explain to him about this” Sangyeon scolds the younger ones

You just lay back into the pillows still not computing

They have to be lying? He’s never shown any interest in you?

You hear them still laughing about how your face looks when you’re shocked

Jacob leans over to whisper “just ignore them, they’re rooting for you”

You’re just lying on the roof, looking up to the sky with butterflies bursting your stomach and your heart beating like crazy in your chest when you hear Kevins bedroom window open

“Hey guys, sorry I was late” Eric bursts through the window “I was just getting a few things”

Everyone greets him but you stay silent, looking up at the sky because you were just TOO nervous to say anything

“You okay?” He asks you, laying down next to you and propping his head on his arm

“Yeah! Just looking at the stars” your voice betraying your panic

He just nods and rolls over to lie on his back next to you

The night goes on as normal, everyone chatting, listening to music and enjoying the view

You hop in the conversation every once in a while but the others seem to understand why you’re being more quiet

Eric hardly speaks to you but never leaves your side, just lying next to you also in his in thoughts

“What’s up?” You whisper to him after a while

“Just thinking about stuff” He whispers back shifting to lay on his side to look at you

You look into his eyes and he looks,,, nervous?

“What you thinking about?” you ask, shifting to mirror his position

“It’s nothing don’t worry Y/N” He replies shaking his head

“You know you can tell me anything Eric we’re best friends...”

At this he sighs even more and stands up

“What? What did I do?” You also stand

He’s already climbing back through Kevins window

Naturally you follow, heart beating out of your chest at the thought of Eric being upset with you

“Seriously whats wrong? Why can’t you tell me?” You follow him into the room

“Because if I tell you we can’t be friends and it’ll all go wrong so it’s better if I don’t say anything”

“Why? We’re best friends we’ve always told each other everything whats changed?”

“Will you please stop saying that?” He almost shouts and spins around to face you

You’ve never seen him this upset before

Sunwoo and Hyunjoon were wrong, he doesn't love you he doesn't even want to be friends anymore

“Y-y-y-you don’t want to be friends with me anymore?” You splutter out, tears already brimming in your eyes

They were so wrong and they couldn't have said what they did at a worse time, giving you that small bubble of hope in your chest for it to be crushed an hour later

“It’s not that I just....” he trails off, wringing his hands nervously

“Then what Eric?” You burst into tears, heart almost breaking in that moment

“Y/N I love you. Fuck. I’m sick of hiding it and being teased all the time for not having the courage to tell you. I fucking love you”

The tears didn't stop when you rushed over and wrapped your arms around his neck

Standing on your tiptoes to hug him you felt his arms wrap around your waist

You both just stood there holding each other

His erratic breathing indicating he’s crying too

“I love you too Eric, so much, for so long”

You just stayed put in his arms, him stroking the back of your head

“I didn’t believe them when they told me...” you giggle while pulling away to look at him

His eyes just go so wide

“They did what?” He yelped

“Oh they told me all about how you talk about me all the time and how whipped you are” you giggle even more

The look on his face just makes you laugh harder

“I’m going to kill them” he growls and charges back through the window

You just smile and follow him onto the roof where everyone was just laughing and nudging Eric around

“So he’s finally confessed!” Jacobs asks you grinning from ear to ear

“It’s about time, now we don’t have to spend every dance practice brainstorming ways to get him to do it” Sunwoo laughs, earning a slap from Eric

Once the teasing died down Eric joined your side leaning against the wall by Kevins window

“So does this mean you’ll be my girlfriend?” He asks

And despite the dark you can tell his cheeks are dusted pink

“Of course I will, but what did you need to go get earlier than meant you were late?”

“Oh,” he wriggled to grab a small packet from his pocket “I was going to confess to you tonight and I bought you this”

Handing you the packet you open it to find a dainty necklace

Silver with a small heart pendant on it

“Eric this is so cute but you didn’t have to buy me something to confess to me” you blush, heart feeling so full it could burst

“I know but I thought it would help” his smile is so bright and warm

He helps you put on the necklace and the night ends with you falling asleep cuddled into his arms admiring the view

#tbz #the boyz #eric #tbz eric #eric fluff #tbz fluff #the boyz fluff #the boyz imagine #the boyz fic

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amberandmetal · 5 years

Text

My favourite thing

A/N: Some Stony flangst for you this Valentine’s day. Don’t worry, the angst is in the first half and the other half is pure fluff. So basically hurt/comfort. There is some mightbeinterpretedaspastStuckyifyousquint in there so if that’s not your thing you have been warned. I wrote this today after listening to the playlist I made for my boyfriend for Valentines. The songs are Snow patrol- Chasing cars, and Dusty Springfield - I only want to be with you

━━━━━━ ◦ ✧ ◦ ━━━━━━

The party had dwindled down and the clock was inching towards 3 a.m. Thor and Jane had retired to their room, Bruce had left the party as soon as he thought it appropriate, Natasha and Sam had vanished after half the night and was nowhere to be found, Tony had made a beeline for his workshop as soon as he thought that nobody was watching, and left was Clint half asleep on the couch and Darcy lying on the floor in front of the stereo, bobbing her feet along to the music, and Steve, drunk on Asgardian mead and holding his head to keep it from spinning.

“Oh, I love this song” Darcy groaned happily.

Steve’s ears perked up, trying to focus on the music instead of the spinning going on in his head. He didn’t recognize the song, granted he had missed ca 70 years of music history so he wasn't all that surprised.

His head throbbed in time with the mulling pain in his chest, only amplified by the asgardian alcohol burning holes in his veins. It was the same pain he had felt every second of every minute of every day since he was rescued from the ice.

Pain for every person he had lost.

{ I don't quite know How to say How I feel }

Steve didn’t know when the first sob came,

{ Those three words Are said too much They're not enough }

or the second,

{ If I lay here If I just lay here Would you lie with me and just forget the world? Forget what we're told Before we get too old Show me a garden that's bursting into life }

he was only dimly aware of the third because it managed to rock his entire body. He opened a bleary eye to search for potential onlookers but Clint was snoring peacefully on the other couch and Darcy seemed to be too close to the speakers to hear him.

People like to say that memories come bubbling to the surface, but that’s not what it felt like to Steve. Instead they shot from his subconscious like a malicious fireball, wrecking everything on its way to the forefront of Steve’s consciousness. Memories, images of places and feelings long gone surged into his thoughts, blinding him to anything else. Image after image.

His hands being small and spindly, body hurting all over and his lungs constricting with every breath; him looking up to Bucky who smiled back down at him; Bucky and a night sky filled with stars, and grass tickling his neck; Bucky with silvery aquamarine eyes just for him; Bucky focusing on Steve; Bucky seeing Steve; Bucky seeing Steve when nobody else would.

{ All that I am All that I ever was Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see }

And oh, oh but that hurt; the pain shooting straight through Steve’s heart so hard he had to clutch a pillow to his chest, almost bending over double on the couch. All he could see was those eyes, those kind bright eyes that he would never see again. He felt plagued by the image of the Winter soldier glaring at him on the bridge; the monster wearing his best friend’s face. It was Bucky, except for the hair and the clothes everything about his appearance was Bucky— except for the eyes. Hydra had robbed him of his aquamarine kindness and left him with nothing but silver.

{ I don't know where Confused about how as well Just know that these things will never change for us at all If I lay here If I just lay here Would you lie with me and just forget the world? }

And the floodgates opened and Steve lost nearly all damned control as he shook with the pain strangling him though his spine. He could feel it through his drunken haze: physical sensations mimicking the agony that churned inside him.

The vision of Bucky in his military uniform appeared before his mind’s eye: ‘Sergeant James Barnes, shipping out for England first thing tomorrow’, and Steve thought he would break apart. His eyes. His beautiful eyes that saw what nobody else saw.. everything he never told him, never got a chance to— was too scared to—

Darcy sighed dreamily as the song ended and turned to put it on repeat, and Steve gritted his teeth and nearly screamed into the couch cushion.

~~~

It was Jarvis who alerted him to the worrying state of their Captain.

“Sir, I feel obligated to report increasing signs of distress in Captain Rogers and seeing as he is intoxicated and in the common area—”

“What’s going on, J?” Tony put his visor up and his blowtorch down, drawing up a hologram feed from the common room, scanning the image with a sinking feeling in his stomach.

“The alien liquid mr. Odinsson brought seem to combat the Captain’s enhanced metabolism, keeping him intoxicated, but his alcohol levels appear to be under the level of concern. However his blood pressure as well as his pulse are currently spiking and he is showing alarming symptoms of distress and—”

Tony removed the rest of his tools and darted out of the workshop.

“Alright, dear. I’m on it.”

When he arrived to the common area, Steve seemed to have calmed down enough that his pulse wasn’t running a mile a minute, but his face, oh, but his face. The sight physically hurt. Blue blue eyes staring empty and vacant in front of him and tendrils of tears running down slightly pink cheeks, only interrupted by the occasional sob.

No no, Tony thought, no this won’t do.

He moved to usher Darcy off the floor and away from the stereo. She grunted in a way that Tony had quickly learnt in Darcinian meant basically ”Fine, but fuck you.”

He rummaged through the music, until he found what he was looking for, silently thanking the few beers still in his system because there was no way he'd be comfortable enough doing this sober. Cap was too proud to talk, had always been. So Dusty it was.

“Tony, what-”

The first notes of Dusty Springfield’s ‘I only want to be with you’ started to pour from the speakers to interrupt him. Tony walked up to stand in front of him, hand outstretched.

“Dance with me.”

“Tony, no— come on.”

“I’m serious, I mean the song is a bit after your time but it’s still pretty damn old.. I mean relatively.. should be right up your alley,” Tony grinned at him “and you need a dance, that much is obvious.”

Steve sighed, let the corner of his mouth quirk up in a way that was entirely unconvincing and wiped at his eyes.

“Tony, I don’t think—”

“Good, don’t think, it ruins the fun.”

Steve looked up at that and almost allowed himself a small chuckle at the twinkling in Tony’s eyes.

“Fine.”

“Good.”

He pulled Steve up by his arm, which honestly he would not have been able to do if Steve didn’t want him to, and led him away from the couch signaling to Darcy to push away the chairs and table; which she did, albeit a bit clumsily. She had managed to down an entire whiskey bottle by herself and Tony was actually kind of proud over the fact that she managed to remain upright for enough time to move the furniture.

“I still can’t dance.”

“It’s funner that way”, Tony winked and that finally wrought a smile and a small huff of laugh from Steve.

“Knew I could force a smile out of ya, nobody stands a chance against my charms.

“Your charms, huh?”

“Yes, yes exactly. Please, try to keep up.”

{ I don't know what it is that makes me love you so I only know I never want to let you go 'Cause you started something, can't you see That ever since we met you've had a hold on me I happens to be true, I only want to be with you }

Tony tried an easy and slow mash between a modern jive and something of a waltz, sticking to basic moves and made sure to keep it as stupid and goofy as possible; and Steve, ever the elegant super-human, was infuriatingly quick to catch on, following Tony’s lead in an upsettingly graceful manner. He still had a few tears on his face and the embarrassed smiles altered with choked of sobs and tiny hiccups.

{ It doesn't matter where you go or what you do I want to spend each moment of the day with you Look what has happened with just one kiss I never knew that I could be in love like this It's crazy but it's true, I only want to be with you }

Tony let go of Steve with his left, catching him by surprise to twirl him and then managed a ridiculous little shimmy with his hips. Now that had Steve laughing; a real unrestrained laugh accompanied by a wet but genuine smile and if that wasn’t the most beautiful thing Tony had ever seen..

“There he is”, he grinned “come on, Cap. Let’s show em how it’s done.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“Fun. The word you’re looking for is fun.” and yes! Steve huffed another laugh. Tony did an internal victory dance. This was turning out to be a very good day after all, and Tony busied his mind with locking away mental image after image of Steve smiling, Steve laughing, Steve looking at him with something soft in his eyes.

“Come on, Rogers! Shake it!”, Darcy exclaimed, then followed with a whoop and a drunken cackle.

The tips of Steve’s ears tinted slightly pink and his cheeks followed approximately 1.5 seconds later.

Adorable.

Tony dove forward to twirl him again.

“You heard the lady!”

Steve’s laugh was quickly turning addictive and Tony felt obligated to keep the Captain laughing because yes, more of that, always more of that. He grabbed his hands and worked their arms back and forth in beat with the trumpets going baa-baba-ba and Steve was just completely, overwhelmingly adorable. He was so different from how he usually was: the tense, disciplined alwayslookingoutforeverybodyelse Captain America. Now he seemed more like the boy Tony had seen photographs of, the boy Steve used to be before they jacked him up on Super soldier juice. He looked slightly embarrassed but happy and loose, almost relaxed; and the tears had started to dry. Victory.

{ Now, listen, honey, I just want to be beside you everywhere As long as we're together, honey, I don't care 'Cause you started something, can't you see That ever since we met you've had a hold on me No matter what you do, I only want to be with you }

“You stopped and smiled at me and asked if I cared to da-a-ance, I fell into your open aaarms,” Tony sang with the words and turned to jokingly fall against Steve’s arms looking up at him, “and I didn't stand a chance!”

Okay, so maybe he was a bit more drunk than he had previously thought.

“Ridiculous”, Steves chuckled, exasperated but fond.

“FUN”, Tony enunciated every sound of the word like he was talking to a toddler “fun is the word you’re looking for.”

The last notes of the song rang out and another oldie started playing. Steve dragged Tony up on his feet and turned him to wrap his arms around him, and then Tony was enveloped by massive and warm, warm, warm. If he allowed himself to melt a bit against Steve nobody had to know.

“Thank you.”

“Aw, Cap I should be the one thanking you. I’m the one who asked for the dance, remember?” Tony teased.

Steve snorted.

“Shut up.”

“Language!” and Tony was proud that he had managed to sound genuinely offended. Again Steve chuckled and it was like molasses over Tony’s brain, music to his ears! Whatever, he loved it.

“Ugh, I love your laugh”, and crap- he had said that out loud, hadn’t he?

Steve tensed for a moment, then moved his head away to peer down at him, brows furrowed; his baby blues seemingly liquid in the low light. When Tony just grinned sheepishly and shrugged Steve’s features relaxed and he gripped Tony’s chin with his thumb and index finger, nuzzling his cheek and yeah this was quickly racing up to the top on Tony’s Best Things Ever- list, right above coffee and Black Sabbath's greatest hits.

“Then I guess I’ll just have to do more of it.” he murmured against Tony’s skin. And then finally, blissfully, he tightened the grip on Tony’s chin and brought his lips up to meet his own.

Tony made a choked off trilling noise in the back of his throat because yes.

Steve hummed in response, angling his head just so and Tony melted some more.

“Finally!”

Oh, good, so Darcy was still awake then.

Steve chuckled against Tony’s lips and that just left Tony in an awful position because smiling was good, smiling Steve was on his top three favourite things after all but smiling also stood in the way for maximum lips on lips contact and that would just not do.

But then Steve licked over his bottom lip and yeah there went Tony’s last functioning brain cell. Good riddance, see you never.

Behind them Darcy pointedly cleared her throat.

“You know, even though this is adorable beyond words and all that, maybe you should, you know, not do that.. here.” she raised her right eyebrow meaningfully.

Steve surprised them both by tipping his head back and barking out a laugh, tearing away from Tony a bit to wipe at his eyes. Huh, okay then. But Steve was smiling, and laughing and lookingyt soft and happy and Tony’s heart swelled at the sight.

Yeah, Steve-smiles was quickly becoming his favourite thing.

#marvel #stony #iron man #tony stark #steve rogers #captain america #darcy lewis #ironshield #flangst #valentines #fluff #hurt/comfort #fanfiction #steve x tony #tony x steve #soft husbands

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wickymicky · 5 years

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a month ago i watched every Twice video in order, some of them for the first time, because Twice was finally clicking for me and i was “getting it”. i wrote a little thing about which songs i liked and which i didnt, and i wanna expand on that cause my opinions have gotten more fleshed out over the last couple weeks of listening to them, and also some of them have changed. i just really like reviewing things, i hope that’s okay lol

so here are two or three sentence reviews of every Twice title track, in order

Like Ooh Ahh: i think this is one of their best songs, personally. it’s not as much of the bubblegum stuff they go for after this, but it’s extremely catchy lol, the “i just wanna fall in love!” and the “ha~~ ooh-ahh hage!” gets stuck in my head a lot. i just love the way this song’s instrumental sounds too, the aesthetic of it

Cheer Up: um okay so from hot to cold... this is my least favorite Twice song. i’m listening to it right now as I’m writing this, and I’ll listen all the way through, but i haven’t listened to it all the way through very often. i think the chorus feels out of place, so does the “be a man, real man” thing. i don’t like that. that ruins the song for me lol. i also don’t like the chorus much haha, it sounds like theyre saying “chore up” cause they went with 치얼업 (chi-eol/eor-eop) instead of like... even just “chireop” or “chi-eo eop”... they dont usually have ㄹ for an english r sound at the end of a word...

TT: ah okay nice we’re back on track lol, this song is fantastic and totally deserves to be their most popular song (at least in terms of music video views). when i first heard it i didnt like it cause i didnt like anything Twice lol... then when I listened to every Twice title track in order as i was beginning to “get it”, i liked everything except the “i’m like TT, ahhh, just like TT, ahhh” haha, i thought the fact that it was about the emoticon was weird and didnt fit the video, and the “ahh” was goofy haha. but now? god its so catchy lmao i always whisper-sing along to this part when i listen to this song haha. i love the echo-y reverb-y synths in the verse, and the instrumental in the chorus when paired with the vocal melody just makes it one of the best choruses in kpop lol. i think TT is their best song. the rap break doesnt feel like a rap break, it fits sooooo naturally in with the song, it’s so impressive. this song is so impressive

Knock Knock: initially i liked this song a lot, and i still do, but... this would be another group’s best song, easily, but for Twice... it’s a bit overshadowed haha. the guitar plus the synth is really cool though, its rare to hear a calming, sort of mellow, soft song with as high a BPM as this haha. one of the writers, Mayu Wakisaka, also was a composer for Loona’s Hi High and Fromis 9′s Love Bomb... and you can totally see that lol. all of those songs have high BPMs and are wildly catchy. still, idk, i like this song but i dont have a ton to say about it

Signal: this song is weird in a good way, i love really unconventional instrumentals. it sounds as alien and outer space as the music video haha. at first the “sign-eul bonae signal bonae” kinda annoyed me, but i got more used to it. i don’t listen to this song much, but i should change that, honestly. though another thing is that the music video has a lot those things where it adds sounds from the video that arent in the regular song, and has an intro i gotta skip every time lol, but like thats not a huge problem, i can just listen to the song elsewhere haha

One More Time: this song sounds like something you’d hear at a hockey game lmao. i dont even know really what i mean by that, i dont go to hockey games lol.... anyway. i like this song, but again, it’s kinda overshadowed. if i’m in the mood for the vibe this song has, there are other Twice songs that have it that i like more. it’s refreshing every once in a while though.

Likey: this song is so good!!! it didnt stand out at first, like, there’s not really a huge gimmick like some of the others... “likey likey likey” is kind of the same sort as the “just like TT” and “knock knock knock on my door” and stuff from other songs, but for some reason it feels less prominent in this song. i dont think this is their most iconic song ever, and its not genre-defining or one of the ones you’d mention first when talking about Twice, but it’s just a really solid song. one of my favorites

Heart Shaker: yeah, heart shaker is alright. it was apparently just a couple months after likey, and it feels like a similar concept? maybe it’s just the music video giving me that impression. it’s alright. the music video has the longest part with the distinctive way Twice shoots dance scenes... in that very nauseating way lol... but i don’t mind it lol i’m used to that by now

Candy Pop: so like, was this song sorta made for kids specifically? i guess i’m mostly just being influenced by the music video cause i’m watching it while writing this. i dont like the video much lmao it’s like a pokemon ripoff complete with Officer Jennies and Jin-young Brock. the song’s not bad though, it’s catchy but it’s a little too sugary sweet for me (which makes sense given the concept i guess). i like a lot of ideas in the instrumental though... because it was also written by the people who did Knock Knock, including the writer of Hi High and Love Bomb.

What is Love: this isnt their best song ever, but it’s undeniably one of their most solid. i listen to it a lot haha. the music video has a cool concept, i like when groups do this kind of thing (interpreting scenes from movies or famous music videos or popular culture). i don’t have much to say other than that i like it a lot, it’s one of my favorites i think

Wake Me Up: okay here we go, this is another one of the three Twice singles I just don’t really like. it’s a fine song up until the chorus. i just can’t get over the shift upwards in.. uhh.. scale? octave? pitch? one of those lol, or something else, i dont really know music terms like that very well haha. yeah though i just find it offputting.

Dance the Night Away: it’s alright. i’m pretty neutral on it. i was put off at first but i’ve gotten used to it. though still, i’m not that into it. i get that its a dance focused song and the choreography does look a lot more intense than their other choreos, and thats cool, but that doesnt make me like the music in and of itself. it’s a summer-jam type of song, and i’m not as into those anyway. there’ll never be a better kpop summer-jam than Red Flavor anyway lol

Yes or Yes: this is the other Twice that i don’t like haha. i just think the constant “you only one choice: yes or yes” thing is kind of annoying haha. also the chorus is catchy in a way that i dont think its especially exciting... it’s an earworm because i think it’s slightly annoying, not because it’s satisfying. of the songs that i’ve said i don’t like, this is the one i could see myself getting into the most. this might not always be in my “bottom three”. it is right now though

Fancy: this was the first comeback they had since i’ve been into kpop, and even though i wasnt into Twice at the time, i wanted to try it out just to see if it would change my mind, and it did somewhat.... sorta. it got the ball rolling for sure. it came out on my birthday, the same day as the Loona Fire dance cover haha, that was a good birthday. yeah this song is great, i think it’s better than any of their 2018 comebacks, personally. the concept isn’t all that different from normal Twice, it just appears that way cause the video is so lavish and elegant. it didnt convince me to be a Twice fan on that day it came out, but I liked what I thought made it different from the other Twice songs I’d heard. but now? what I like most about it is how very Twice it really is. the thing is, I wasn’t into Twice probably because the only songs i’d heard were Yes or Yes and Cheer Up, and those songs are still my least favorites lol. Fancy doesnt sound that out of place when you take into account their whole discography! i looove the video and i loooove the chorus so much, this song is great and i wonder if they’ll be able to top it if they have another comeback this year

Breakthrough: okay so in the last one i said i wonder if they’ll be able to top it this year, i meant in terms of Korean comebacks lol. cause in terms of just songs in general, if i include their new Japanese comebacks, they’ve already topped Fancy. this song is the one that finally won me over. this is the song that made me a Twice fan. now, this one is a little outside their typical concept, but they’re really really good at it nevertheless. i wonder if Twice is going a bit more in this direction? at least maybe half the time, alternating between the two styles now? cause Breakthrough continues a bit down the path that Fancy set for them. in any case, i love basically everything about this song, I’m so glad it got me to finally love their music

Happy Happy: so you know how I said that Breakthrough was a change from the bubblegum fun-fun style they’ve had and that move is what got me to finally be into Twice? well that made me think I’d like Happy Happy less haha, but actually I listen to it way more than I listen to Breakthrough, I like it more overall. this is a very Twice-style song, and that’s fine because it’s fantastic. this song genuinely makes me happy

oops didn’t i say i’d try to keep it to two or three sentences?

anyway yeah my favorite Twice songs are TT, Happy Happy, Breakthrough, Likey, and Like Ooh Ahh in that order i think

#twice #long post #kpop review #i'm sorry if i said anything you strongly disagree with lol #o

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