#i disappear for so long and i come back like this...................... goodbye to my weakest followers 😔 im sorry i couldn't be normal

[malleleothreesome]

Okay okay FINE due to popular demand (2 people) i'm proud to announce I'll be cosplaying tits out no thoughts in brain Dorm Malleus at Anime Expo 2024 see u there godspeed 🫡

[books-and-catears]

"How long are you going to pretend?"

"It was your fault!"

"For Better and For Worse."

"Please tell me what hurts?"

"Proxy Apologies and a Wish."

"Sorry, Dear Demons. But This is Goodbye..."

Tagging as requested: @gallantys @kyattodaemon @lovebugb @jiminslajibolala03 @eveningstar1516 @mandalor-jetii @nutmeg3dash7 @delusional-angel @crystalmystery @thedum1 @literally-ya-mom @chiaraowo @eu-4-riah @yaboihack @ovarysnake23 @fandumshippr @harujkookie @nowhearmeoutiswearitaintthatbad @bunna-does-stuff @your-local-fangirl1 @shinouzen @missrebustes @kadythethief @lemonandlime22 @olenoname @eckya @bikkss @wafermelons @melotie @sn0wf00x123 @satans-favorit3 @mammonssheep @leafyturtle @obeythebutler @cyphrenn @emoguardian @poppingaround @justchillaine @hatsunemiku2025 @sins-secret @not-a-cat-lawyer @hungrynessforfics @heard-you-had-the-plague @fabulouslyflamboyant5

Breaking pacts was one of the things that were so uncommon amongst demons, most of them couldn't tell you the consequences of it. They had pact marks identical to the human. The thing which connected them was the place of the mark - they always had it in the exact same place. The only known thing is you cannot remake the pact once the pact disappears.

Usually it was a lengthy process with spells and a certain magic dagger, or when a human dies naturally, the pact fades away - but a Wishstone's magic is more powerful any demon alive. And it had never been used for this sort of wish.

So while your pact marks simply glowed and disappeared, he brothers didn't even realise what was happening to them until it was too late.

"Sorry, dear demons. But this is goodbye."

You were leaving tonight. Somewhere they wouldn't think to find you.

The last pact was the weakest. It was the first to go. Lucifer was simply sitting in his study, distracting himself with paperwork and music. The skin under his mark started to sting - nothing he couldn't handle. But what he didn't couldn't take was all the memories of you that suddenly had flooded his memories at once.

"Lucifer look! Doesn't this pendant match your eyes exactly? I feel safe wearing it."

"Lucifer! What are you doing?! That's your own brother don't hurt him! Luke just made a mistake, why are you trying to kill him over it?! No I won't move! I don't care what happens to me!"

"Lucifer.. it hurts...hand hurts..let go of me! I said LET GO OFF ME!"

"MC I'm sorry I-" He felt for his mark as a way of touching you but it was gone. Now he sat there, filled with a sense of impending doom.

"...What...no! What have you done, MC?!" Lucifer's eyes welled up in silent frenzy. He would rush to the Purgatory Hall, but his body felt weak and powerless.

He knocked over a bottle of ink over himself. His hands were stained like black now. He couldn't possible touch you with these tainted hands now could he? The same hands that hurt you? Deliberately sinking further into the memories, he let himself to succumb to tearful sleep on his desk, imagining you sitting next to him, running your fingers in his hair like you did on his worst nights.

Belphie tossed and turned in bed as his mark stung. And suddenly his dreams just replayed whatever memories he had of you. He smiled in his sleep. This was the best dream he had in months. He could almost feel your lap under him.

"Dont worry, I'll do my best to get you out of there. I'm sure you miss Beel no? I hope you both meet very soon."

"Belphie! It happened! Ah I'm so happy! Look the door is unlocked! Come out Belphie!"

"B-Belphie... what...why.. *cough cough* I can't...can't breathe..."

His eyes shot open. He shook his head trying to get that last memory out of his head. He hugged his pillow tighter trying to bring back the good memories.

"I'm so sorry, MC... forgive me... please...I won't ever- Beel?! What's wrong?!" His brothers cries lured him out of his trance. Apparently the twins had been affected at once.

Beel was in the bathroom, throwing up tonight's dinner. He woke up, smelling your rotting blood in the air for no reason. The smell was nauseating. And the thought of you being hurt even more.

"How are you Beel? You aren't hurt right? Ah I'm glad Lucifer couldn't get to you..."

"Beel look! I made your favorite for dinner today! This curry is Belphie's favourite too no? Dont worry, you both will both eat it together soon."

"...No I'm sorry...I didn't mean to...I didn't even want your pudding...I'm sorry!"

Guilt washed over him, taking him along with the tide. He remembered how small and blameless you looked when he was almost about to devour you. He failed you like he failed Lilith.

"MC please come back... please come back I just to want say sorry... please.." He cried to noone.

"Beel... Oh no, Beel your pact...our pacts..."

Beel didn't notice until Belphie pointed it out. He didn't even feel the sting over now much his heart ached. And now it just got a hundred times worse.

"What have we done Belphie..." The twins collapsed on the bedroom floor, an exhausted and tearful mess.

Asmo always imagined you sitting next to him, listening to him intently as he spoke of his day, always nodding when he asked if he was too beautiful for his own good. He took great care of your pact mark, he wore it with pride and love.

"Asmo, you don't need to charm me. I already love you for who you are."

"Asmo! Can you believe it? I could actually summon you! Isn't it wonderful?!"

"No Asmo...I swear I didn't have ulterior motives! I was only thinking of you when we made the pact! Please don't misunderstand me..."

He was delighted by the rush of memories at first but he didn't like the last moments he saw. He tried to reach for your pact mark for comfort. Only it wasn't there.

"No..no no no no! This isn't! This isn't happening! THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING! MC NO! NOT LIKE THIS!"

The mirror shattered from the sheer volume of his screams. Now he stared up at a broken, disfigured image of himself. Now he looked exactly how he felt.

His knees swayed under him, and he fell from his seat. A few glass shards cut his skin. But he didn't care. His skin without your mark was ruined as it is.

Satan leaned back on his chair and reread your favourite book for the 30th time. He always felt closer to you whenever he read it. His favourite memory with you was exchanging favorites and read it sitting in the same room.

He found himself dozing off as memories of you flowed into his head all at once. He closed his eyes to savor these thoughts.

"Sometimes loving means letting go... Isn't that so pure, Satan? To want to see the person you love be happy even in a life without you?"

"Satan, I met a magnificent friendly cat today! Come meet her!"

"Satan...no...I do want the pact, just not like this, please... don't hurt me..."

A sharp pain graced his skin where your pact mark was along with his worst memory. He went closer to the light to examine his now unmarked skin. In his heart, he was already waiting for it. He had to be prepared for the worst.

"Oh MC...is it finally time? I have to let you go already? You wouldn't show me yourself one last time?" Satan let the weakness take him.

He laid back in his bed, covering his eyes with his arm. He wouldn't chase after you now, you know you'd prefer it this way. But he'd be there in a heartbeat if you called his name, just one last time.

Levi stared down at your console before picking it up. His favorite anime played in the background but he didn't seem to care.

You'd stuck a picture of both of you on the back of the console. He remembered everything. You were so happy. He was even happier. Why did Belphie have to go and ruin everything?! Why must he constantly bear with the consequence of his brother's mishaps?

"Levi stop hiding in the shadows, I can recognise my best friend anywhere. Yes I called you my best friend so what?"

"Yes yes I know it's normie stuff, but please come with me still! It's just one event I swear!"

"Levi... I'm sorry I didn't mean to... challenge your TSL knowledge or anything...I just wanted to be friends...Levi you're scaring me, please!"

The last memory was an unwelcome one. He tried to shrug it off when he felt a sharp sting where your pact mark was supposed to be. He checked only to see it was gone.

"But...what? How? Who did this?! MC...no! No you can't do this!?" He was horrified at the suddeness of it all. But he felt all his energy be sapped out of him. He fell back, his eyes glazing over as the smiles in the picture become blurry.

Mammon knew his turn was coming. He heard his brother's cries. So he sat there in your room, his cheek on resting on the back of his hand. Against your pact mark.

All of them would take turns sleeping in your room, today was his. Lucky me, he thought. The whole room seemed to spark endless memories of you at once.

"Okay okay I'll hide you. Quick! Under the bed! Stay right behind where I'm dangling my legs!"

"Yes yes Mammon, Goldie is safe with me. Satan and I made a fake copy to give to him."

"If I'm just a stupid human, stop coming to me for help! You don't have to protect me anymore, I'll be fine on my own!"

The last memory stung his heart the most. That was the first time you'd ever gotten upset at him. Hopefully today would be the last.

He looked down just in time to see the pact mark disappear. Little by little and then all at once. He was no longer your first, he had no right to claim that anymore. The Great Mammon didn't feel so great anymore.

"MC... I'm sorry...can ya hear me? I'm sorry, I'm sorry for everything...MC..MC-" He could only whisper your name before he let out loud sobs, holding the bedsheets in fistfuls pretending to hold you with all his might.

Everything went back to it was before you even came along. Only seven times worse.

"You're absolutely sure they don't know?" You asked, standing mere inches away from the portal.

"I'm certain, MC. None of them know that you're Lilith's descendant, except Young Master and myself, of course." Barbatos answered.

This was it. You were finally headed to a better place. The first timeline.

Where you were going to be loved for your own heart. One where Belphie was innocent and still a friend. Lucifer was still going to be a pain for a while, but he'd come to see reason.

"Have you bid farewell to your friends at Purgatory Hall? And Young Master?" Barbatos asked.

"They certainly put up a fuss but let me go finally. As for Diavolo - he didn't want to hug me, for it would be impossible to let me go." You smiled slightly, "Say Barb, is it easier to say goodbye when you already know it's inevitable?"

Barbatos's eyes widened before they softened into a softened smile. "I wish I could say it was. Yet it makes it that much harder. We are truly glad to have met you, MC. I've never seen Young Master happier. Neither myself."

"It really was good while it lasted. For a while, I was the happiest I could be." You sighed. "Do me a favor and make sure those brothers don't end up killing each other just because I'm going away?"

"I will try my best, MC. Have a better life out there." Barbatos took your hand to press a kiss against it. Then he hurriedly brushed his eyes to get rid of stray tear. "It was truly a blessing to have known you."

"Have a good life Barbatos. Take good care of yourself okay?" You suprised him with a hug before you disappeared into the light and the door closed. Barbatos slumped onto the floor, shedding silent tears onto the carpet. Somewhere within the castle, another empty bottle of Demonus was thrown against the walls.

The human who single handedly brought the Avatars to their knees. The human who won the hearts of Angels and of Royalty, of the weak and the powerful, of young and of old.

Your memories were your revenge. And they'd remember you forever.

__________________The End _________________

Thank you so much for everyone who's been following this series. It's such a honor to have so many people be willing to read your works - I'm so grateful.

Hopefully the ending wasn't too disappointing? I've been told my endings tend to be rather sudden. If you guys want I'll make an epilogue where the Brothers in the original greet MC when MC has returned after so long.

This is the last series I'll write in a while. I have 16 headcanon asks to complete after all. Thank you all so much for so many lovely ideas!

~ Shio

[aminiatureworld]

Disappearance III

Character: Childe, gn!reader

Word Count: 2,581

Warnings: None

Premise: In which there is an argument and the reader disappears.

Author’s Note: Childe my favorite character, how I love to torture you.

But genuinely I really like how this one came out.

Childe

Childe craned his neck to stare at the clock on the wall behind him. Sighing at the lateness of the afternoon he turned back towards the papers in his lap, trying desperately to focus, to not let his thoughts drift off to the argument that had taken place in the morning.

It had started out simple enough. Childe had informed you that he might be gone for some time, as the Tsaritsa had requested a high-level reconnaissance mission, and Childe was to be the one to lead it. He thought that you react much the way that you always had, assurances of his success, light-hearted reminders to stay safe, and a goodbye kiss as you two settled back into a normal routine before the day of departure. Instead however, your lips had slanted into a frown, and you stopped making your breakfast to turn and face your partner.

“Childe, I wish you wouldn’t always take things on yourself.”

“What do you mean darling?” Childe felt a wave of surprise wash over him. After all, what else was he supposed to do?

“I mean that you’re being entirely too reckless Childe. You know that you have too high a profile to be doing stuff like this. I… I would like you to sit this one out. Just this one.”

Childe couldn’t help but laugh, whether out of irritation or genuine amusement he wasn’t sure of. “As much as I appreciate the concern, I can’t do that. No leader worth their salt would send their underlings off alone, even if they are some of the weakest underlings in the world. No one’s been able to pull the wool over me yet darling, it’ll be perfectly alright.”

“You’re not listening to me,” your voice picked up in intensity. “Childe I really try, I try to remind myself that you’re a Harbinger and able to take care of yourself; but sometimes it’s just too much. This is too much.”

“You’re being silly,” Childe said, trying to keep his tone light. “I’ll be fine. Besides, I can’t disobey the Tsaritsa. She wishes me to do this so I will. It’s as simple as that.”

“The Tsaritsa is far away, she has hundreds, thousands under her command. She won’t bat an eye at your safety.”

“Like you said, I can take care of myself.”

“But what if one day you can’t? What if, what if one day you don’t come back. Please, just this once; just this once don’t go.”

“I know that the length of time is upsetting, but you can’t react like this every time I have to go away for a while. I promise that you’ll have me all to yourself afterwards.”

“It’s not about that Childe! Please, please listen to me. I’m worried about your safety. I’m worried one of these days you’re going to end up in a fight too big even for you. What will you do then? What will your underlings do? What will I do? Please, tell the Tsaritsa you have to stay and make sure the Bank stays out of trouble, or that nothing happens in Liyue. Please, don’t go this time.”

“You’re being irrational.” By now Childe was definitely irritated.

“No, I’m being realistic. You don’t take care of yourself enough.”

“You’re just underestimating me. Besides, I’m a better fighter than you’ll ever be. It’s not like you can protect me even if I stayed here.”

“What?”

“It’s not like staying in Liyue would be any safer, better to face things head on. For the Tsaritsa, for Snezhnaya, that is the most important thing. If you can’t see that, you’re just being stupid.”

Although Childe regretted the words almost immediately after they left his mouth he could see that saying that would’ve had no effect. So instead he watched silently as your face clouded over and you stormed out the door, not bothering to grab your food as you slung your pack around you back and walked out. A part of him wanted to call after you, but he knew that even if he did you probably wouldn’t listen. Even if you did, what could he say? After all, he had simply spoken the truth; even if you couldn’t accept it as such.

Now Childe sat on the couch, eyes glazing voer as he stared at all the paperwork that needed to be done before his mission. He had already spent a hectic, uneasy day at the bank. Though he knew that none of his underlings would be foolish enough to try to pull something while he was gone, Andrei would make sure of that and Childe would make sure of Andrei, it was still tedious, boring work. This was in no way helped by the lingering ill will from his fight with you earlier. Though Childe ultimately forgot fights relatively quickly the time right after was always an uneasy one, filled with sudden flashes of irritation replaced suddenly by the wish for it all to have never happened.

He had hoped that you might be home by the time he arrived, but your absence wasn’t truly much of a surprise. Besides the fact that you were still probably angry with him, something Childe couldn’t really fault, you had recently been involved with some project near the Chasm, and it was hardly surprising that something that big caused you late hours. Still he couldn’t deny the fact that he was somewhat disappointed, or maybe disheartened was a better way to put it. He hated fighting with you, especially fights that lasted. Even if he was irritated with you, even if he thought that you had demanded something impossible, he still regretted snapping at you. He just wanted you to come home now, that way he could apologize and explain the situation better. That way he wouldn’t leave with any ill will behind him.

The clock was excruciatingly slow, but the insult of that wasn’t registered until Childe dozed off. Waking up in the middle of the night he was surprised at your continued absence. Though he had expected that sleeping on the couch might’ve happened, your total disappearance was certainly something that threw him for a loop. Making his way to the bedroom and flopping down on the bed Childe closed his eyes, pushing away the anxiety that clustered at the edge of his thoughts.

Perhaps you’d ended up staying with Hu Tao, or maybe you’d gone back home to your family. He had been awfully mean after all, and you were never the kind of person to take his insults sitting down. Still, if that were true why hadn’t you packed more, or come back to collect your things? It didn’t make any sense. Questions and half baked reasonings floated through Childe head as he tried to delay the inevitable pull of sleep. The last conscious thought he could remember was the knowledge that at least you would be back tomorrow.

You were not, in fact, home tomorrow. The Harbinger’s time spent at the Northland Bank was almost completely useless, the meeting with the people he’d be going on his mission with even more so. Though Childe wasn’t necessarily the most attentive listener, often letting his mind wander when his fellow Fatui members fell into arguing about the most insipid things, he knew that paying attention to a plan as a whole was critical to its success. Even so he couldn’t bring his mind to focus on the maps and profiles that sat in front of him. Where were you? It seemed like such a silly question, but the longer it floated in Childe’s head the colder he felt.

Finally the meetings and the menial tasks ended and Childe could go home. Sprinting down the winding streets of Liyue, not bothering to hide the fact he was in a hurry, Childe burst into the apartment. His heart sank as he was met with the same image he’d seen when he’d left that morning.

Afterwards Childe wandered around the docks of Liyue, trying to keep the quickly fragmenting pieces of his mind together. He knew that he was probably overreacting, knew that you were simply staying away because of what he said, knew that it wouldn’t be forever – you would have definitely told him if that were the case. Still he couldn’t help but feel dread crawling over him, saturating the cracks of his brain as he wondered how he’d managed to fuck everything up so much. He had underestimate how much his words must have affected you, and that only made him feel worse. Finally exhausting his walk along the pier Childe set off towards the edges of the city and into the vast wilderness of Liyue. He needed to find something to fight.

The nightmare continued on into the next day, then into the day after that. Childe could barely remember what he did during those days, walking around as if possessed, unable to concentrate on anything for more than a few moments before his thoughts inevitably found their way back to you. Mostly Childe ended up sleeping, dozing off at his desk or on the couch, papers fluttering from his hands onto the floor. Mostly Childe dreamed of you.

They weren’t dreams of any particular note, their contents incredibly mundane. Not that it matter to Childe; within those dreams he felt nothing but happy domesticity, a calm that washed over him as he walked with you to the market or lay next to you under the stars. Always you would appear in his dreams suddenly, and always he would throw his arms around you, clinging to you as if even an embrace wasn’t enough. Always he woke up with a sense of desolation so vast it threatened to consume him.

Finally on the fifth day Childe couldn’t take it anymore. Waking up at almost the crack of dawn the Harbinger rushed to the Bank. He wouldn’t stay long, only enough to inform Andrei that he’d be out for the day. Then he’d go to the Guild and check and make sure everything was okay. Then, well he’d figure out what to do then. It seemed pathetic to chase after you, not to mention gross. He wouldn’t become a stalker, wouldn’t let himself fall into such pathetic behavior. Still, he had to make sure you were at least okay. As long as he did that, well, the rest could come later.

Striding into the Bank Childe was met with a surprising sight. Normally Ekaterina stayed firmly tucked inside her receptionist cubby, even more antisocial than the likes of the Balladeer or the Fatui that guarded Dragonspine. Now however she stood at the front of the booth, wringing her hands this way and that as she stared at a piece of paper in front of her. Feeling a sudden sense of dread Childe walked up to her.

“Ekaterina?”

“Oh!” Ekaterina whirled around, look on her face one of utter anxiety. “My lord, I was horrified to hear of the news, tell me, do you know if they’re almost free?”

“What are you talking about?” Childe narrowed his eyes.

“Why, your partner. I only heard today from Nadia; no wonder you’ve been so distant recently, if it’s not too much for me to say so. I only hope that they’ll soon be rescued, I’m sure you know about the situation better than I do though.”

“Ekaterina, what in the Tsaritsa’s name are you talking about?”

A shadow passed over Ekaterina’s face, a look of utter dread. Swallowing slightly she stared at a spot in the wall right to the side of Childe. “You partner, my lord, I’ve been informed that they have become trapped in one of the caverns of the Chasm. I thought that you knew about it, it’s been five days after a–”

Childe didn’t hear the rest of what Ekaterina had to say. Whirling around the Harbinger slammed his way out of the bank, aiming towards the nearest waypoint. Cold dread washed over him and with it desperate determination. He’d rescue you. If he had to tear apart the entire Chasm and raze all the mountains in Liyue to the ground so be it.

  Approaching the Chasm Childe felt a rush of adrenaline wash over him. He was terrified. By the Seven, he was utterly terrified. Images of you flashed in his mind, images of you cowering in the dark, stuck at the bottom of an endless pit, lying on the ground with no air or food or life in you. How could he have let this happen? How could he have not known of this before? Anger burned within Childe, anger at himself. He should have never let you walk out of your apartment without apologizing first. He should have enquired after you after the first night you didn’t show up. He should’ve been the first person there for you, instead of the last person to know. He was so utterly stupid.

Approaching what must’ve been the site of the accident Childe felt his stomach drop to his feet at the sight of you. You were covered in dirt, cuts spread across your arms and legs as you slumped against a Guild member, dragging your feet in an awkward shuffle towards the stretcher that must’ve been meant to bring you to the apothecary. There were a variety of Guild members flocking around you, along with one of the doctors of Liyue, who was scribbling notes down furiously. Your expression was utterly dazed, as if you weren’t exactly sure of what was going on, something that tore Childe apart.

Stepping towards you Childe called out your name. At the sound your head jerked up, and you gave a hoarse sort of cry before turning to make your way towards him. Sprinting towards you Childe stepped backwards as you fell awkwardly into him. Steadying you for a moment before wrapping his arms around you Childe felt all his emotions crashing over him, so intense that he couldn’t control them anymore. Ignoring the tears that tracked their way down his cheeks the Harbinger let out a shudder.

“Thank the Seven, thank the Seven you’re safe. I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry. You don’t have to forgive me, alright? You don’t have to forgive me, but by the gods I’m so sorry.”

“I wish you had been there,” you mumbled softly. “It was so dark, I couldn’t see anything. I thought, I thought that I might never see you again.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I said all those things to you, I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you, I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”

“It’s fine.”

“It’s not fine. You should’ve fold so easily you know, you should be really, really angry at me.”

“I don’t want to be angry at you though, I just want you to stay.”

“Then I will,” Childe tightened his embrace around you. “I promise I will.”

“Okay.”

Having apparently said everything that had to be said you let Childe sling you onto his back, refusing to be carried to the hospital in the stretcher. As you appeared to doze off on his back Childe made a promise to himself. Even if he couldn’t disobey the Tsaritsa, even if he couldn’t change who he was, he would never leave you when you needed him to be there.

You would never find yourself needing him to be there without the chance of your need being met. That he promised you.

[eremiie]

Hi! I love your writing! Could you maybe do something for Eren where the reader is good friends with Jean and they hang out a lot, which leads to a heated argument with Eren, who ends up admitting his insecurities about losing her and it gets all fluffy and cute from there? Thank you💜🥰

futile competition;

❥ eren x reader | 3k words | fluff

❥ in which eren gets a little envious & reader has to reassure him

❥ hi! thank you sooo much<3, i hope i did this request justice aksjskak, enjoy :)

"jean, how did you even sprain your ankle in the first place?" you were sat idle on the wooden bleacher with jean next to you, the two of you conversing freely instead of jean being out practicing with the rest of the football team because of his sprained limb.

"i landed wrong during practice a couple days ago. when i went to the doctor they told me to sit out for two weeks."

"two weeks? so you're gonna miss next weeks game?"

"yeah but your boyfriend and reiner are two of the best players, they'll be fine without me for a game."

you shrugged your shoulders looking towards the field, looking for eren. during games you'd be able to spot him quite easily as he always adorned the large number five on his back, but of course like majority of the team he was shirtless, the only reason you could spot him being the way his bun was on the verge of falling out his hair and cascading over his shoulders.

"you're like the weakest link on the team, they're doing much better without you." you joked, causing jean to roll his eyes and shove you over in the slightest. "jean, i will kick you in the leg that's hurt, stop." your giggling made him break out into a smile, him putting his hands up in mock surrender.

jean and you were quite good friends, occasionally hanging out in and out of school, you having met him through your closest friends sasha and connie. the only reason that you two were hanging out during his practice was because you told eren you'd wait for him afterwards so you could spend this friday with him to his request.

"jaeger, focus!" the coach exasperated, flailing his arms outwards at eren's fumble. eren cursed under his breath, and wiped the sweat off of his brow, looking away from you and jean before picking himself up off the ground. "go run a lap and stop letting your girlfriend distract you. everyone else go get water then locker rooms!"

you chuckled at eren being disciplined, watching him make his way out the field to the track to run his lap, jean laughing beside you. "he's such a kiss ass, he's just trying to impress you." jean shook his head as he spoke.

"i don't know why, we're already dating."

jean nodded his head in agreement, grabbing his crutches and pulling himself up. "do you need help?" you questioned standing up abruptly to help him steady himself, a subconscious reaction if you must, as it was just in your nature to be helping.

"nah, nah, i'm good, i'm not disabled or anything, it's just a sprained ankle." jean shrugged you off, and it's true, he was of course fine for the most part, but he also didn't want eren getting angry at a simple gesture from you, as he tended to do quite often. "let's just go back to the gym."

୨୧

eren exited the empty locker rooms, clear irritation spread across his face. his lack of concentration during practice, and jean's stupid face flirting with you was fogging his mind.

"eren!" you called out to your boyfriend, him turning his head after nodding a small goodbye to his coach. you gave jean a small hug before he started waddling away on his one foot and you starting to make your way towards the brunette, eren struggling to suppress an eye roll. "hi baby," your arms wrapped around his waist and he hesitantly reciprocated, letting his circle your shoulders.

"hey." his tone grumbly and dry, but you didn't let your mind wander too much on it.

"i see practice wasn't the best today. was it because of me?" a mischievous grin graced your face as you and eren began to exit the gym, heading towards his car.

yeah, something like that.

"no, it was fine, i just slipped up a couple times." your thumb brushed over eren's hand a couple times before he pulled back to pull his keys out of his backpack that was hung over his shoulder. "get in the car," and then him unlocking it with a press of a button, his presence leaving your side as he went over to the drivers side of the car. you didn't like the way he so casually brushed you off, as eren was usually excited to see you after practice. he would occasionally shower you in kisses, and wipe his sweat all over you and have you shuddering in disgust, but the aloof personality taking place was never present to you, so of course you couldn't help but think it was strange.

you slid into the passengers seat with your own bag sat in between your feet on the floor, and initially decided not to converse with the boy for the rest of the car ride, leaning your head against the window and occasionally glancing at eren who you didn't even see look your way once. seriously, what was his problem? if you knew he was going to act like this while you were at his house the rest of the evening you'd would've went home faster than he could blink.

"______, c'mon." eren murmured before he shut the door to the drivers side, walking towards his front door leaving you still attempting to collect your belongings so you could follow him. you were so stuck in thought that you didn't even realize the two of you had made it to eren's house.

"_____, hi! it's been so long since eren has brought you home, how are you?" mrs. jaeger's (who many times has insisted you called her carla) cheery tone flooded your ears as you entered the household, eren shutting the door behind you and barely even uttering a 'hi.' to his mother or mikasa. despite this you couldn't help but smile at carla, the lady was so sweet and kind and you genuinely couldn't figure where eren got his temper, or stubbornness from.

"hi mrs. jaeger-"

"please, just call me carla." her figure danced her way towards you and her nimble fingers turned you around facing the stairs so she could shed your backpack off for you, and only then did you realize eren had disappeared from sight, leaving behind only the sound of creaky stair steps.

you sighed, and of course carla put two and two together, but not before mikasa who was sat on the kitchen stool facing the stairs as well, in the middle of helping eren's mom with kitchen work. "what's wrong with eren?" she brushed aside her ebony hair and made her way over to the stairs, carla placing a hand on her shoulder to halt her movement.

"mikasa honey, just leave him alone for now, he gets like that sometimes." carla gave you a sorry smile already knowing her sons antics. "i'm sure _____ will get through to him if that's what he needs, right?" mikasa's eyes flickered to you, an unreadable, almost blank expression on her face before she nodded and you let out a small, "right," her walking back over to her position at the stool.

"do you want any snacks, or anything? i know it's been a long day at school and all,"

"it's fine mrs. jaeger, i'm not hungry."

"alright, will you be staying for dinner, i could make your favorite?"

"i'm not sure yet," as many times as your answer would be yes you weren't lying, with eren's strange demeanor you weren't sure how long you could stay in the household even with carla catering to you, her joyous aura wasn't enough.

"okay well let me know, i'll let you go now," she leaned into your ear, her black strands tickling your face, "let me know if anything."

soon enough you were following in eren's steps on your way to his room. you slowly pushed the oak door open seeing eren wasn't in his room and assumed he went to take a shower. you had no problem sitting and waiting as it gave you a second to conjure your thoughts as well, you taking a spot on his bed.

it wasn't long before he appeared back though, him opening and closing his door, eyes flashing to you for only a second. he threw the towel around his neck that was stopping his damp hair from dripping onto his abdomen onto his desk chair and slid on only a pair of sweatpants before crawling on his bed. "scoot over," and you did, making space so he could lay next to you, the smell of his body wash evident on his skin.

the slight tension was unnerving as you played with your fingers where they sat in between your crossed legs, eren paying you little to no mind. "what's your problem?" you couldn't help but ask, as many times as you played the details of the day back in your head you couldn't find a bump in the road, anything that would make him act so distant.

"my problem? i don't have one."

you struggled to not roll your eyes, instead raising a brow. "seriously? you didn't talk to me in the car, you're barely talking to me now, didn't you want me to come and spend today with you?"

"yeah, but i'm sure you rather be spending today with jean, right?"

oh.

you pursed your lips, narrowing your eyes at the boy who's eyes were finally fixated on you. your arms crossed and you bit back an insult, since one was definitely a part of the options you were weighing in your brain. "excuse me?"

"you heard me," he sat up, his muscles flexing underneath his skin as he propped himself up on the bed. "you and him have been so comfortable lately. i'm pretty sure you hang out with him more than me anyways." he huffed, a fire blazing behind his turquoise eyes (which not to mention you always found mesmerizing, even through his anger.)

you grimaced, eren was clearly blinded by his frustration. he seemed to forget how you came over almost every weekend, not to mention a few times throughout the week as well, how you spent majority of lunches with him and how the two of you were a literal couple. it wasn't your fault you and jean had more than one class together, and seemingly got along. he was good company, you couldn't deny that, and you knew him before you even knew eren.

"eren i spend so much time with you, what the hell are you talking about? is that what's bothering you?"

"it doesn't bother me," and of course he was lying straight to your face. "i could care less. do what you want with horseface."

okay now he was being dramatic.

you stifled a laugh at the stupidity that escaped his mouth, how could he make such a vague assumption? "you could care less? so why are you acting all pouty and not talking to me? if you didn't care we'd be all good right now, stop being all mad for no reason."

"i have a reason to be mad,"

"so you admit that you're mad?"

"i mean-"

"and if you're mad then you obviously care?"

"can you let me talk, damnit? you always do that, just let me talk."

"then talk, eren, it's gonna be nonsense anyways. why can't you just trust me? i've been friends with jean before we even started dating, if i wanted him then we would've been a couple before me and you."

"that doesn't stop him from flirting with you and being all touchy and shit, i don't like that,"

"it doesn't matter what you like or not, it matters what's true, and whats not true is that he flirts with me, he doesn't, and he's not touchy either, you're literally being delusional."

"i'm delusional?" this time eren rolled his eyes, his voice raising in the slightest and he was now sitting straight up, giving you a small shove in demonstration of what jean did earlier. "when he shoved you like that he wasn't flirting with you? and when you two were laughing and shit he wasn't trying to flirt with you?"

"eren don't touch me," you pushed his hand away once it made contact with you, a crease in your eyebrow evident from your rising anger as well. "we can't laugh now? like what the fuck sense does that make to you? you're literally just jealous."

"jealous of what? of kirstein?" disbelief was evident in his tone.

“who else? nobody just acts like that for no reason, you’re jealous, eren.” you began to stand up ready to just leave, crawling over eren’s body to make your way towards the door. you couldn’t stand when eren couldn’t admit to his fault, i mean; it was his fault right? he was stubborn, and it was irritating.

but eren on the other hand couldn’t let you leave, he didn’t have time for his mom to scold him for upsetting you, or for mikasa to bombard him with aimless questions, better yet, for jean to find out the two of you were fighting, or worse, fighting over him.

before your hand could reach his doorknob his hand reached your wrist, eren pulling you backwards towards him in the gentlest manner he could muster, you turning towards him your expression still vexed. “eren, just let go of me, i get it.” but his grip remained, him using his other hand to turn your frame towards him by your waist.

"i’m not jealous, i just feel like i shouldn’t be having to compete with another guy for my own girlfriend!" he sputtered abruptly, and the hand on your waist clenched at your t-shirt, while the grip on your wrists tightened. you were caught somewhat off guard looking up at eren, curiosity brewing at his sudden outburst.

“what?”

“i just... i don’t want to lose you to some idiot,” he could no longer meet your eyes, his facade dropping and a new side of him he hadn’t shown being unveiled to you.

“eren..” your free hand rested on his shoulder and you slowly walked him back towards his bed until the back of his knees hit it and caused him to plop down on the covers, “baby, you’re not gonna lose me... you couldn’t lose me over something like that.”

eren’s gaze was still shy to meet yours, but his other hand made its way to your waist as well, pulling you down on top of him until you were straddling his lap, him pulling you close so his arms wrapped around you. “i know, but...” he struggled to get the rest of his words out, not even sure how to convey them to you regardless of how understanding you’d be with him.

“eren, look at me,” you grabbed his face between your palms, smoothing out his loose brown locks so you could get a clear sight of him, training your eyes on his. you loved the way blue swam across his green eyes, and the way his bottom lip jutted out slightly as if he was constantly pouting. he was so gorgeous to you, even through his anger. “i’m yours, i’m all yours, and you’re mine. nobody, not even jean can get between me and you, i love you, i date you. jean and i are just friends, and you don’t need to let him get in your head like that.”

eren pouted his bottom lip before leaning his head against your chest, you raking your fingers through his hair until the hair tie loosened around it. he relished in the feeling of your warm skin against his and your hands attempting to place another messy bun in his strands of damp hair. “i just feel like i’m not doing enough for you sometimes... like he could give you something that i’m not.”

“eren you are enough for me, like i said, i’m dating you, not anyone else, if you weren’t doing enough for me i wouldn’t be with you. i love everything about you baby.”

“you sure?”

“yes, why wouldn’t i be sure? even with how stubborn you are, and how angry you can get, and how jealous,” you lifted his head from your chest, pressing your lips to his forehead with a grin. “you can get, there are so many good aspects about you that i love and i won’t leave you because. you know... just don’t hurt me.”

eren couldn’t help but let a smile grace his own face as well, hands drifting up your back until they reached the back of your head, pulling you down to connect your lips to his fervently. you loved the way his lips felt on yours, his slightly chapped but so perfect when paired with your own. his attempt to deepen the kiss was futile as you pulled back with a giggle, eren shaking his head and laying back pulling you on top of him some more, his arm wrapping around your shoulder as he pecked a kiss to your hair.

“so i’m not gonna lose you?”

“no baby.” another peck to his chest.

“you love me? and my anger issues, which i don’t have?”

a roll of your eyes and another laugh let out from you as you kicked his leg from under yours causing him to laugh as well, subconsciously squeezing your body tighter on top of his. “i love you, and your anger issues which you do have.”

eren pinched your sides, smirking from above you. “i love you too, babe.”

a quick knock at the door made both you and eren turn your heads, but the door was open before eren could even utter a “come in,” carla’s figure with a worried expression on her face that quickly turned to surprise when she noticed the two of you cuddling. “oh! i’m so sorry, i heard the two of you arguing earlier and i thought she had left when i was upstairs, i-“

“mrs. jaeger, it’s perfectly fine.” you smiled picking yourself up off of eren awkwardly who sat up as well.

“mom! you could’ve waited after knocking!” eren groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“you guys are so cute,” her hand covered her mouth as she squealed, smiling sweetly at her son and you. “are you staying for dinner, _____, it’s almost ready, i’m having mikasa set the plates now so i want to know.”

there was no harm in staying a little longer. “sure, i can stay.”

“great! okay, i’ll leave the two of you alone now.” soon after, eren’s door was shut and the remnants of carla’s voice wandered as she walked down the hall, something resembling an “oh, they’re so adorable!” and you and eren couldn’t help but laugh.

[ambertea]

together

(read on AO3)

Day two of the Doctorrose Fic Marathon! Based on the prompt "holding hands".

“I want a job.” He announced one morning. Rose was hovering over a mirror as she lined her eyes with dark pencil. “I was thinking Torchwood.”

She stayed silent, her eyebrows furrowing as she rubbed at the mascara that had fallen under her eyes. His feet lead him to stand behind her, and he watched his nervous face reflected back at him.

“Is that okay?”

She nodded at herself in the mirror and straightened. “Talk to Pete.”

“Well, actually, I was thinking your department sounded more interesting.”

She turned and stared at him flatly.

“Tell me what my department does.”

“Alien…stuff.” He replied, rubbing at the back of his neck.

She brushed past him and his hands snatched at her wrists, quickly dropping them at the look on her face.

“Rose, please.”

Her eyes flicked to the clock behind him. “I’m running late.”

“Tomorrow, then?” He asked eagerly. She nodded.

“Tomorrow, yeah. Sure.”

The door banged behind her, and he collapsed onto the bed and let the silence taunt him once more.

It was nice, being stuck in one place, nice in a way that made his muscles tense and his fingers curl. The next-door neighbours always smiled at him when he put out the bins, and the girl at the coffee shop didn’t even ask for his order anymore, just thrust it at him with her usual dreary rage. The kids on the street all knew his name – well, one of his names – and called out to him to play football with them or help them with their homework.

Rose enjoyed it less. Everywhere she went, whispers followed. People eyed her nervously in the supermarket, would press themselves against the shelves as though she was an elephant thundering past, rather than a small human woman trying to buy milk.

Everyone he asked about it had just shrugged. Rose herself had ignored him entirely, but whether that was due to the question itself or just his presence was unclear.

He had spent three long years away from her, yet he had never missed her quite like this. She slept beside him—apparently, the only proof he had was slightly creased sheets and makeup stains on her pillows—and then would disappear with a cursory “Torchwood” thrown over her shoulder. Her phone, that was literally always in her hand, was apparently incapable of picking up his calls or answering texts, and his own only mocked him with read receipts.

He had thought she would understand this new him. He had changed his entire body before, and it was less than a day after that she had been holding his hand and snuggling into his side. It had been four months now, in this universe, four long and agonising months of sitting indoors and waiting for something to happen. Every time he looked at her, he hoped for some flood of recognition, a moment where she realised he was still him and so they ought to just get on with it.

Every day that passed brought less and less hope that that would ever happen.

“Wake up. Hey, wake up.”

He opened his eyes, blinking against the bleariness of sleep. A fan of blonde hair tickled the sides of his face, and brown eyes watched him blankly.

“Rose?”

“Come on.”

He sat up, stretching out his arms and working the kinks out of his back. The windows were dark, and the traffic outside was only loud, rather than its usual deafening. Rose folded her arms and stared down at him, and he fidgeted slightly under her gaze.

“What’s going on?”

“You wanted Torchwood. It’s time for Torchwood. Put these on,” she ordered, throwing some boots on the floor. “We need to go.”

“Right.” He said, limbs failing in his haste to stand. The room flickered with darkness for a second and he cursed stupid human blood pressure. “Where are we going?”

“Coast.”

“Which coast?” He asked, wrestling the boots onto his bare feet. Rose rolled her eyes and threw a jacket at him.

“The one next to the sea. Now come on, hurry up.”

He thrust his arms into the jacket and hurried after her retreating form. A blast of cold hair hit him like a bucket of cold water, and he wrapped his arms tightly around his sides as he shuffled forwards. Rose’s phone was at her ear, her voice hard as she barked out her instructions.

“Solomon street. Now.”

A green SUV whizzed round the corner, skidding to a stop perfectly in front of them. A young man stepped out, ginger and pale, and immediately saluted.

“Ma’am.”

“Thank you, Stewart. I’ll take it from here.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

The boy turned and marched down the street, picking his direction seemingly at random. Rose jumped into the drivers’ side and looked at him impatiently. He gawked at her through the window.

“What’s going on?”

“Later. C’mon.”

Her hands were white around the steering wheel, and he stared at them, feeling dread settle in his gut. The engine started up with a groan and he quickly ran around and jumped into the passenger side.

Before he could even reach for his seatbelt, the car lurched into action, and his head slapped into the headrest.

“Sorry,” Rose mumbled, her eyes not moving from the road as the speed only went up. He nodded frantically, quickly securing himself and then gripping tightly at the edges of the chair.

“Where are we going?” He asked, voice unnaturally high. For a moment, he thought he saw her mouth curve upwards, but within a second it was back to the same flat mask.

“Where do you think?” She scoffed. “Where else? Bad Wolf Bay.”

Their journey to Norway passed in heavy silences that were only occasionally broken by questions that Rose only ignored. He fiddled relentlessly with the cuffs of his shirt and tried to calm his stupid single heart, that pounded and screamed in his ears.

This, more than anything else, was what he hated about this world – he was never in control here, never understood what he should be doing, or what he should say. He never used to care about that stuff before. His life had always been spontaneous, he had prided himself on it in some sick, sad way, but all he could long for now was a sliver of certainty.

Was this how she would finally dump him? On the very beach they were headed towards, she had kissed him, and at the time it had felt like a hello. It seemed now it had been more of a goodbye. He had always known Rose, could always reliably understand what was going through her head at any given point. The woman he had been left with seemed like someone else entirely. A stranger, with the face of the woman he loved the most.

His whole species had died – all his family, all his friends. But this loneliness was far more insidious and hung heavily in the space between his bones.

“We’re here,” Rose said, and he startled. She jumped out of her seat and walked round to his door, flinging it open. He watched her eyes staring carefully at the space between his eyebrows. “Come on.”

“I don’t want to.”

“What, you think I’m going to drown you?”

“Well, I do now.”

She sighed. "I’m not. I promise you’re going to want to see this.”

He gazed at her, trying to understand what was behind the tense line of her mouth and her unwavering stare. Nothing revealed itself.

Unclipping his belt, he got out of the car and slammed the door behind him. Rose reached out, grabbed his hand, and pulled him towards the beach.

It was hushed, only the angry crash of the waves breaking the idyllic landscape. His eyes flickered towards where it happened – where the TARDIS had landed and stranded him in this world of mystifying social cues and angry faces.

Her hand was clasped around his own tightly, as though trying to stop him from running away, but that was the last thing on his mind. It had been so long since he had held her hand. It was as comforting as it was devastating.

“Before the stars started going out,” Rose whispered, her soft voice carrying through the wind. “I was working on a way to get back.”

“The dimension canon.”

“Yeah, but other things too. We dumped them all when the canon started working.”

Her face was sad, wistful even and he squeezed her hand tightly. She startled, looking up at him, and he was alarmed by the wetness of her eyes.

“And?”

“And I’ve been working on one of them. Since…since we came back.”

His heart had literally leapt into the back of his throat. It was the only plausible explanation for the lack of air, for the way his whole body was screaming at him to go, to get out now. He hung his head and kicked at the sand.

“This is where the walls are weakest. We made a sort of, um, portal. You can just step through, see.”

She reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone. With a tap of a key, a bright swirl opened around them, wind whipping around it angrily. He stepped back and pulled her with him.

“It’s not possible.”

“Same phone you gave me. Energy source from the original universe. Battery never runs out, so—”

“—so it has the power to send you back.” He finished darkly. She shook her head.

“No. Enough power to send you back.”

He thrust away from her hand and stared at her. She had tears running down her cheeks, and her eyes were wide and sad.

“No.”

“You’re not happy here.” She whispered, pulling on her earring.

“Neither are you.”

“No.” She agreed with a half-hearted chuckle.

“Rose,” he said desperately, clutching at her hands again, pressing his body as closely to hers as he could. “Rose, no. Please. I’m still the Doctor. I swear—the exact same man. I want to be here with you.”

Her hand came up and rested lightly on his cheek. He leaned into it, kissing her palm, greedily clutching at this small token of affection.

“I know,” she whispered. “Exact same man.”

“Yes! I’m him; I am exactly him—”

“The same man who left me on this beach.”

The wind from the portal settled. The sea calmed. Silence reigned.

“I stayed with you.”

“But left, as well.”

He was still clutching at her. His hands snaked around the back of her neck, pulling her forehead to his. Rose’s eyes were tightly shut. His were wide and searching.

“I don’t understand,” he whispered to her, and she only squeezed her eyes tighter, mascara leaking from her eyelashes.

“You left me, again. You didn’t even say goodbye. Why do you never say goodbye?”

“Rose—”

“I did everything I could do get back to you. Everything. Terrible things. But—” She opened her eyes and stared at him with open devastation. “You didn’t want me.”

“Of course, I did, I do.” he whispered. She ignored him.

“You just—left you here. To deal with me. To stop me trying to come back again, or whatever.” She cleared her throat and stepped out of his embrace and rubbed angrily at her eyes. “But it’s okay. I’ll stay here. I want you to be happy.”

“Rose, please.” He begged, voice breaking. He tried to grab her hand again, but she was stepping away from his embrace, arms wrapped tightly around herself. “I want to be with you. I told you, didn’t I?”

“You said you could spend your life with me.”

“Yes—yes—please. I want that. I swear I want that. He had to go; you know he had to. But I,” his face broke into a tiny, happy smile. “I got to stay.”

She stepped forwards cautiously, her hands shaking. He stayed as still as he could, resisting the urge to pull her tightly into his arms.

“You were dumped here too. You didn’t get a choice, either.” She whispered. He smiled and gently took her hand.

“I didn’t need a choice. My answer will always be you.”

She flung herself into his arms, and he clung to her desperately, nuzzling his face into her hair. Her hands were everywhere – along his back, down his arms, his neck. They clutched at his jaw and he pulled back, just a little, so he could take her in properly. There was still pain splashed across her face, but a cautious hope lit up her eyes.

“I love you.” He whispered. “Please let me.”

“Okay.” She whispered back.

She untangled herself from his embrace, and pulled out her phone, closing the portal as quickly as she’d opened it.

He offered out his hand, and she took it, a smile playing across her face.

“Together?”

“Together.” She nodded.

He pulled her away from the beach, feeling, for the first time in months, that they might just be okay.

[imagineabrighterworld]

The Saint and the Prince pt.2

𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓸𝓷𝓮 𝔀𝓱𝓸 𝓵𝓸𝓿𝓮𝓼 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓴𝓲𝓼𝓼𝓮𝓼 𝔂𝓸𝓾, 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝔀𝓱𝓸𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻 𝓭𝓸𝓮𝓼𝓷’𝓽 𝓵𝓸𝓼𝓮𝓼 𝔂𝓸𝓾

You look at your mother through the mirror as she braids ribbons into your hair. Her hands flutter as they hold your locks of hair with infinite gentleness.

You were dressed in the color of persimmons and summer peaches, from the ribbons in your hair to the dye streaking your cheeks. You felt silly dressed so weirdly. It wasn't like your family to be so.. Colorful. Not on a day like this. Everyone was wearing black except for you.

You shuffle uncomfortably in your seat. Your mother was crying, and yet she was doing your hair.

“Mama?” You whisper, hating the way her hands began to tremble and lose hold of your hair. Why was she crying? What was making her so sad? “Mama you're scaring me.”

She sniffles, using the back of her palm to wipe away the wetness of her tears. “Forgive me..” The kohl lining her eyes is smeared, but she pays no mind to the smudges on her hands. “Forgive me.”

You want to comfort her but she coaxes you into staying still as she finishes with your hair. It is only when your father comes into the room that you begin to piece together what is happening. You were being taken away from her, but why? It was supposed to be a good day today. The Alshanun Iraziz, the Sun Saint was supposed to be coming to bring her blessings, just like your papa said.

Your mother’s cries of anguish grow louder now as your father guides you out of the room, his own sniffles paled in comparison to hers. The sound of shattering glass is your only goodbye from your mother.

“Papa? I'm afraid.”

He says nothing. His hand tightens around yours, the bones in your hand squeezing together, but you're too afraid to pull away from him. Afraid he might disappear, or go back home to mama, leaving you alone.

A crowd lays in front of you, the familiar black clothing of the Sun Saint’s day is before you. Why were you in color when they were in black? You felt like an ill beating heart in the crowd of bleakness.

Now, you stand in the center of your town.

The villagers around you murmur prayers as you pass them by. They reach out and kiss your palms. As if you were a saint in the books your grandmother had coveted so long ago. Whispers surround you, the sounds crawling on your skin uncomfortably.

𝓞 𝓼𝓽𝓪𝓻𝓼 𝓲𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓼𝓴𝔂, 𝓪𝓵𝓵 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓻𝓲𝓼𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓼𝓽𝓪𝓻𝓼, 𝔀𝓲𝓼𝓱 𝓽𝓮𝓷𝓭𝓮𝓻𝓷𝓮𝓼𝓼 𝓽𝓸 𝓝𝓪𝓭𝓪

Your father left you behind somewhere in the crowd as he ushered you to the platform in the middle of the crowd. His face blurred among the people, but somewhere in the throng you swear you can hear his cries.

As you look down at the orangewood platform carved with prayers, you know why your mother was crying. You know why the people have to hold your father back as his cries turn to screams.

“Bueirikan kembali! Khadhnaa!”

Give her back. Take me.

“Ahfuz tifli!”

Save my child.

The high priest stands behind you as the sun begins to rise.

𝓐𝓵𝓵 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓻𝓲𝓼𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓼𝓽𝓪𝓻𝓼

The orange sky is the last thing you see as a knife is plunged into your back.

𝓨𝓸𝓾 𝓪𝓻𝓮 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓵𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽 𝓸𝓯 𝓶𝔂 𝓮𝔂𝓮𝓼

---

Shoto returned to the others with his mind full of the color orange.

He mostly stayed quiet for the reminder of their tour around the town, his eyes constantly drifting to the blossoms covering every inch of the buildings. Their sweet scent was almost too much. Their flowers thick with nectar.

The town felt stifling, he didn't know why, but perhaps his talk with the mysterious woman would clear things up.

Bachar leads them back to his home and holds a feast with several of the neighboring lords as guests. Shoto isn't eager to converse, but he does his part as prince and answers their questions and occasionally offers up one of his own. They spoke of trade between the kingdoms and the benefits their people might have if they worked closely together. 

The Alshanun kingdom had bountiful amounts of herbal medicine, spices, and pastures full of cattle, while Todoroki’s kingdom had less greenlands. But where it lacked in greenery, it was full of libraries, a strong army to defend from invaders, gold deposits, and waterfalls that held water so clear you could see all the way to the bottom of their lakes.

A partnership could keep both of their people comfortable for years to come.

Night fell, and soon the group was off to their chambers.

“Todoroki?” Midoriya asks from behind him, his hand on the doorknob of his own room. “Where did you go? You know, earlier.”

Shoto remains quiet, his eyes shifting to his door. A phantom breeze brushes against his arm, eerily reminding him of a hand. “Nowhere.”

It wasn't in his place to question a prince, but it was in his place to question a friend. So Midoriya asks once more. “Are you sure?”

Shoto looks at his friend, his eyes roving over his face. He was worried, and it warmed his heart to know he had a friend who truly cared. But he didn't have answers yet. He couldn't reassure his friend without any information. All he had was the memory of a girl.

“I’m sure.” The corners of his lips tug upward. “Goodnight.”

Entering his room, Shoto looks at the wallpaper lining the walls and the stumpy candles lining the window sill. With a flick of his hand, he lights them, watching as the wax begins to melt at their center. The warm smell of vanilla fills the room as he changes and soon he is in bed, drifting off to sleep.

When he wakes, the sunlight is weakly filtering in, not yet a deep gold but a pale yellow that engulfs his room. He sits up slowly and looks at the window to where the candles had long been extinguished in their own wax. 

He listens for the sounds of life outside his door, but all there is is silence. Not even the servants were up yet.

Shoto sits up and pulls the sheets away from himself. He had half a mind to stay in bed and wait until the others were awake, maybe travel around the nearby towns and meet its lords. But he didn't listen to that half. 

Slipping out of his room, he quietly makes his way out of the mansion after dressing in simple black clothing. It wasn't what he was accustomed to wearing, not when it was the color of mourning. But it helped him blend in with the early risers already setting up shop, helped him not feel a fool when they waved good morning to him. 

Wending his way to the fountain from the day before, he sits at its edge, looking into its waters. Vaguely he could sense it, feel the way it would turn to ice beneath his touch. How its side would frost. 

He doesn't notice you as you look over his shoulder at the water. Doesn't see your reflection until you're smiling at him.

-

“Hello again princeling.” You step back just as the stranger in front of you whips his head back. His eyes widen before they narrow, his lips a flat line. 

“Hello.” He says warily, his eyes flickering to your orange and saffron clothing. “Why are you dressed like that?”

You sit next to him, undisturbed by how he looks at you. As if you were doing something out of line. He truly was a prince, one who obviously wasn't very social. “That’s the wrong question. I’ll grant you one answer.”

“Why do you speak like this? What are you hiding?” 

“Wrong again princeling.” 

Small ice crystals prick at his skin as a small pout forms on his face, a crease building between his brows. You hold in a smile as you see the gears turning in his head. You rarely got to have fun, and it was amusing seeing him so confused.

“Who are you?”

You let your smile show. Finally, he got it right. “I am the Alshanun Iraziz. The Sun Saint.”

“Were you always this way?”

Now he was asking the right questions, you muse as you inspect his hands that had folded themselves neatly on his lap, hiding the frost that was forming on his fingers. You could feel the power thrumming in his veins. The ice and the fire. If you were alive, you would have been concerned at how easily he might set you alight or freeze the blood in your veins. But you were an Iraziz, a Saint, and his gifts held no sway over you.

“No. I used to be just like you. Alive with a beating heart. I used to wear black, just like you. Now, all I ever wear is this.” You look at your silk slippers and the folds of your skirts embroidered with gold string. It was the most expensive thing you ever had in life. A gift from the High Priest that had ended your life, giving you this life in its place. 

“What is your name?”

So much for one answer, you think to yourself. But it had been so long since you've spoken with anyone. 

“I’ve forgotten my true one.” You dip your hand in the waters of the fountain, the cool waters soothing your warm skin. It was always so warm around this time of year, even when the sun was at its weakest. “I didn't know to hold it close, the day I became the Alshanun Iraziz was the same day I lost my name. I don't suppose I’ll ever get it back now.” It had been too long. Your people were long gone and replaced with their descendants. The faces you looked at now were watered down versions of your kin. 

“What is your name?” You ask him, looking at his face to find him staring at your hand and the waters that didn't shift with your touch. 

“Todoroki Shoto.”

You hum. “Todoroki. I’ve heard of it before. When your family was still only lords, not kings and queens.”

Todoroki’s face turns considering. “You've been alive a long time.”

“Alive is one way of putting it.” 

“Then how did you come to be? Is your gift to be an undead? A shadow?”

“I’m glad you still believe I’m some form of alive, but I assure you, my life was snuffed ages ago.” There was no bitterness in your voice, you had long ago come to accept your fate. “I was sacrificed to become the new Iraziz, my people decided my fate long before your kingdom was unified.”

You feel his ice before it crawls into the water, freezing the fountain as a look of diluted horror crosses his face. “Your own people let you die?”

You chuckle. “It’s not unlike parting your meal for your gods, or offering them a glass of wine. Or how you dedicate a moment of your day in prayer for good fortune. My people gave me to the Sun, praying for a miracle. When my life was taken, a new one was given.”

“Were you.. the first?” The ice behind you slowly melts, a hiss of steam telling you the prince was undoing his work.

Now you can feel the old ache. The ghostly touch of your mothers hands as she fixed your hair, the feeling of your fathers fingers curling around your own. 

“No. I wasn't.”

So many girls had gone through the same ritual. So many had their lives ripped away like pins in the hair. “I am, however, the last. After me, no other girls have been sacrificed.”

“Why?” What stopped them? You can see the unspoken question in his eyes.

“Each year, my spirit withers and turns weak, which is why they replaced the Iraziz each year with a new girl, a fresh spirit. But I’ve held onto this life, I’ve preformed miracles to show I’m still here. So no other girl has to die.”

The bubbling of the water fountain speaks for the both of you as you watch the people in their shops, readying their wares. No matter what their ancestors did to you, you held no hate for them in your heart. You could feel the remnants of rage that the girls before you held, but you had no such reservations. 

Todoroki watches your people with you, his eyes distant and unfeeling. You didn't understand what he was thinking, but you could feel. Feeling wasn't your gift, not like how his gift was ice and fire, but you were always open to others feelings. So susceptible. It was heightened now in death. 

“What is it you're thinking of princeling?” You ask. 

“You said something when we meant yesterday. That I needed you.”

“I did.”

“Why do you think I need you?”

“You're lonely. You feel lost, like a ghost in a living body. Something is holding you prisoner.”

He glances at you from the side. “I’m not lost.” 

“Then why do you have this look in your eyes, like you wish to be somewhere else. I felt a kindred spirit in you when I first crossed paths with you. Can you say you didn't feel the same?”

He doesn’t agree, but he doesn't disagree either. He simply stands up and begins to pace around the fountain, his hands clasped together behind him. 

You lay down on the stones of the fountain, watching his pacing. As a saint, you couldn't help but feel pulled to the needy. It was strange knowing he needed you. That a prince could be so deeply wounded that he needed a saint’s help. But you couldn't rest until he was happy, until that dark ache inside of him was soothed. 

“I.. I do not need you.” He says aloud, stopping across from you, the water fountain blocking your view of him. “I’ve already let go.”

“We both know that isn’t true.” You whisper, “I can feel you calling out. But I will be here for when you need me.”

“I don't-”

But you were already gone, and the sun was looming gold over the land. 

[astridbecks]

reach a warmer season — a playlist for beauregard lionett, for running towards a brighter future

[ listen on spotify ] // tracklist below

bottom line / lilli furfaro // i know firsthand what makes a hypocrite, raised by that man right in the thick of it 

saint bernard / lincoln // tell me where i came from, what i will always be 

little trouble / better oblivion community center // got up, dusted myself off, now i’m ready for the fight 

townie / mitski // i want a love that falls as fast as a body from the balcony, i want a kiss like my heart is hitting the ground

hardline / julien baker // i don’t need you to defend me ‘cause it’s just the sort of thing that i enjoy

burn it down / daughter // we’ll continue to be disappointments 

the disappearance of the girl / phildel // the only thing that saves you is your economy of blessings

crying wolf / lizzie no // you don’t wanna know me when i’m drunk, i can make you sorry for the good you’ve done 

run / patty gurdy // when the darkness grows onto my heavily loaded back, i’ll shake it off my shoulders

trouble finds you / juliet simms // if i come from the scene of the wreckage, i look back and no one’s around

i’m not a saint / billy raffoul // i’m really good at being good at goodbyes, i’m gonna give you fair warning

hit me like a man / the pretty reckless // love me like a woman, buried inside, look me in the eyes i want it

sleepwalkin’ (daydreamin’ version) / better oblivion community center // fighting ‘til the death keeps us alive

it’s alright / mother mother // i believe, yes i believe that you will see a better day

crimson and clover / joan jett & the blackhearts // i don’t hardly know her but i think i could love her

catch me if you can / walking on cars // i need to run just far enough so i can smile again

don’t swallow the cap / the national // i hit my head upon the light, i have faith but don’t believe it

storm song / phildel // i’ve made mistakes and i have learned the hard way

closer to fine / indigo girls // there’s more than one answer to these questions, pointed me in a crooked line

will i find my home (acoustic) / juniper vale // be my place to land when i’m tired, when my feathers are burnt by the fire

hold on when you get love and let go when you give it / stars // take the weakest thing in you and then beat the bastards with it

you were a kindness / the national // you made a slow disaster out of me

earthbound / the accidentals // i write to stay awake, light dies quicker in the wintertime

home to me / devil and the deep blue sea // on the day you left me you promised you’d come back, i don’t know who taught you how to live like that

landsailor / vienna teng // blossom of hours unleashed, make me a lawbender, all equalized

devotion / the staves // and you’re carrying me home

we were here / boy // love it changes shapes, glows in many shades, we won’t be gone as long as our echoes resonate

[johannesviii]

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2020

You know, when I finished my latest list and realised every decade had the same pattern and that we were slowly going towards a series of great years for pop, I didn’t realise how good that year would be.

What’s at the top? Am I boringly predictable because I already said I loved that song all the way back in January 2020? Let’s find out.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will probably be stuff in French somewhere on this post. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

So. Uh. How was your 2020?

Mine was actually surprisingly good, considering. I’m lucky enough to have a job that I can partially do from home, and I was extremely paranoid from the get-go and nobody got sick under this roof so far. Turns out I’m even better at my job from home and I got permission to work from home one day per week even after the health crisis is over! My first name was also finally officially approved and I can’t tell you how happy I feel about that. I almost feel bad to have had such a good year considering the circumstances. I feel like an asshole just because I’m happy, haha.

The only frustrating part was that I was supposed to see Hatari in concert in Paris in early April which, as you can guess, was cancelled. I’m not too mad about it though, since their tour was called “Europe will crumble” and the message saying the tour was cancelled started with “since Europe is actually crumbling due to Covid-19″ and that’s hysterical.

Good or interesting albums that came out in 2020 now, let’s see.

Nightwish released Human/Nature, which was a huge letdown compared to their previous album, but I will relisten to it at some point to make sure I wasn’t just in a bad mood that day.

The Birthday Massacre released Diamonds, which might be their weakest album since their debut, but contained some real gems (I listened to The Last Goodbye on a loop, it floored me. Flashback and Enter are also very good).

The 1975 released Notes On A Conditional Form, and let’s be real, it’s a f█cking mess. You could cut half the tracks and end up with an excellent album, but as it is it’s like, yes, a collection of notes ; however there’s some truely excellent shit on it (see unelligible songs).

Thanks to a friend on a discord server I was exposed to Dorian Electra’s music and I haven’t been quite the same ever since. I’m so happy to be alive to see other enbies making such great music with an insanely good aesthetic surrounding it and asking so many interesting questions about gender. Also the arc the ‘gentleman’ character goes through over the course of the entire tracklist of the 2020 My Agenda album is absolutely hilarious, don’t @ me.

I also discovered 100 Gecs this year. Why are most of you guys saying it’s unlistenable garbage. It’s just as abrasive and over the top as industrial music is, but with none of the edginess or drama. I love it. What the hell. But yeah Tree of Clues was released this year. Good.

Speaking of industrial, in March 2020 Nine Inch Nails were like “hey remember when we released Ghosts I-IV a decade ago entirely for free and how amazing that was? Well we’re all in lockdown and bored as hell so here’s Ghosts V-VI and it’s also free. Enjoy” and I f█cking died instantly. And it’s even better than I-IV. What the hell was that year

Jonsi released Shiver. It’s strange and highly experimental. I’m pretty sure it’s a good thing I was into hyperpop this year, otherwise going from his previous material straight to this album would have been brutal.

Yadda yadda yadda After Hours by the Weeknd good yadda yadda.

I’ve joked about that already but if you had told me in 2019 that 2020 would have fires, a pandemic, riots, monoliths appearing and disappearing, and also a super good Machine Gun Kelly album, guess which part I would have found the most ridiculous. But yeah uh. Tickets to my Downfall good

So uh this year I tried to listen to some hyperpop and liked it a lot, and I also dipped my toes timidly into screamo and listened to Svalbard, who released When I Die this year, and the entire album was a very beautiful, very intricately decorated punch to the face. It sounds like God Is An Astronaut except with a shit ton of yelling. I love it. Open Wound is my favorite track on it.

But no, despite all of this, my album of the year was from a band I had never even heard about before that year, called Spanish Love Songs. The album is titled Brave Faces Everyone and it’s line after line after line of extremely relatable generational angst but yelled with complete sincerity and it’s so propulsive and energetic you can’t help but feel both exhausted and ready to fight the entire universe. I don’t know how it works, but it’s incredible. The entire album is wonderfully brutal, so it’s kind of difficult to pick my favorite songs on it, but Beachfront Property and the title track stand out.

Unelligible songs, now, and there’s, uh, quite a few of them too so I’m also gonna use bullet points. Good lord this post is gonna be long.

First, let me say I have literally no idea why Midnight Sky by Miley Cyrus wasn’t a bigger hit. It’s not on the year-end US top 100 and it feels extremely wrong. Would have made it to #4 on this list otherwise.

I still entertain the vague hope that stuff from Machine Gun Kelly will chart higher in 2021 but I doubt it will happen so I might as well tackle it now and say that Bloody Valentine and especially Forget Me Too are both excellent and that it’s a shame radios aren’t playing them more often.

Heaven by the late Avicii featuring Coldplay should have charted in 2019 and still didn’t chart in 2020 and that’s a real shame.

If the world was a bit less unfair, Lovesick Girls by Blackpink would have been a hit rather than the awful Ice Cream.

One day I will stop complaining about my bafflement concerning the lack of mainstream pop charts success of The 1975. Today is not that day. I just love how they keep making songs about extremely awkward relationships full of weird details, and I haven’t grown tired of that yet. So yeah If You’re Too Shy is about a guy who’s crush is asking him to get naked on Skype in his hotel room and he’s, uh, not too sure about that idea.

And Me & You Together is about a guy who never finds the right moment to tell his best friend he’s in love with her, and he manages to do so at the end and it’s cute as hell. My fave part is “I'm sorry that I'm kinda queer / It's not as weird as it appears / It's 'cause my body doesn't stop me (Stop me) / Oh, it's okay, lots of people think I'm gay / But we're friends, so it's cool, why would it not be?”. Relatable as f█ck.

And now for an international hit that should have been bigger in the US and/or in my country but wasn’t: Head & Heart by Joel Corry and MNEK.

I’ve heard Nos Célébrations by Indochine extremely often on French radio for months now so I was very surprised to see that it didn’t crack the local year-end list. What happened.

I can finally hear the appeal of Bring Me The Horizon. It took me ages. And also Death Stranding. The song Ludens isn’t in the game per say, but it’s among the ones you can pick to broadcast briefly when people drive by your constructions, and long story short it's been living rent-free in my head for months now.

Phew.

It’s time for a round of Honorable Mentions for elligible songs, containing a couple of guilty pleasures, which is saying something considering the kind of shit I put on some of my previous lists.

Ne Reviens Pas (Gradur et Heuss l’Enfoiré) - Heuss is a French artist that kept baffling me while making my lists for the previous years, and I was like “??? ok, that’s it then, I guess I’m getting too old to get what teenagers find funny”. This one worked for me, though. And the music video doesn’t hurt. Really dumb and really fun.

Adore You (Harry Styles) - Perfectly good little pop song, very pleasant to listen to, never outstayed its welcome for me.

Mood (24kGoldn) - This doesn’t sound like a very good relationship, my dude, but that’s still a super pleasant song.

WAP (Cardi B & Megan Thee Stallion) - This song is absolutely hilarious and I will hear no argument from any of you.

Control (Zoe Wees) - Was clearly a hit here. Should have been even bigger though. What a powerful but comfy voice. If I had better taste it would be on the list.

Hot Girl Bummer (Blackbear) - I. Uh. Listen. I keep saying I have bad taste and nobody believes me. Do you believe me now. But yeah. “F█ck you, and you, and you~, I hate your friends and they hate me too” is gonna pop in my head every single time someone is being a jerk anywhere near me now. It’s been happening all year already. Someone trashed my documents at work? Someone isn’t wearing a mask in public? That guy has filled his car with rolls of toilet paper? Brain goes “F█ck you, and you, and you~”. Every. Single. Time.

Come & Go (Juice WRLD & Marshmello ) - Damn, that’s a pretty good little song. I’ve seen plenty of people saying it’s ruined by the drop, but may I remind you I’m the person who loves Blue by Eiffel 65 with all my heart. If the song was ramping up consistently until the end instead of ending like that, it would have made the list, definitely.

And now, the actual list. This one actually feels pretty solid, I genuinely like everything on it, there’s no filler here for once.

10 - The Box (Roddy Rich)

US: #3 / FR: #23

Now this is a weird case, because for the longest time I couldn’t figure out why this song was so popular and I was completely neutral about it. Then, one morning in September, my mental jukebox (which always, always puts a song on a loop in my head when I wake up) decided to play it. And I was like oh wow?? I never noticed the atmosphere in that song before? It’s so great. And that hook too. Let’s listen to it.

So yeah, I don’t know what happened. It just clicked one day and everything fell into place, I guess.

9 - Alane (Wes & Robin Shulz)

US: Not on the list / FR: #93

Come on. You can’t do a remake of one of my previous #1 songs and let it chart in 2020. That’s cheating. Even with this subpar drop, I have to put it on the list, now.

I’ve already said my piece about the original, so I’m just going to send you back to my 1997 list.

8 - Kings and Queens (Ava Max)

US: Not on the list / FR: #76

[BBC documentary voice] After Lady Gaga decided to make piano balads and left her musical niche vacant, Ava Max quickly took her place as the top predator pop diva. Even after Lady Gaga was re-introduced to her natural habitat in 2020, she still hasn’t fully recovered in Europe, where Ava Max still reigns supreme on the charts -

(tldr I think it’s hilarious that this isn’t on the US Billboard while Lady Gaga isn’t on the French year-end top 100)

7 - Roses (Saint Jhn & Imanbek)

US: #19 / FR: #3

What an earworm. It doesn’t even bother trying to have an intro or an outro, so it loops almost perfectly. It’s like entering a party that started long before you arrived, and it will go on long after you leave it to go back home. Kind of hypnotic in a way.

And yes, my mental jukebox was very fond of using it to wake me up this year, so this is another song that’s here almost solely because of that.

6 - Physical (Dua Lipa)

US: Not on the list / FR: #69 (hehehe)

“Hey I’m not that old” says the guy who’s definitely a sucker for this kind of retro throwback that was so popular this year. Oh well.

I don’t have anything interesting to say about this one, though. Apart from the fact that everyone seems to have a different fave song on that album. Guess that’s quality for you.

5 - Rain on Me (Lady Gaga & Ariana Grande)

US: #48 / FR: Not on the list

That is far from being Lady Gaga’s best song, but it was a joy to listen to everytime it was on the radio anyway. Also Ariana Grande has surprisingly good chemistry with Gaga! This year was full of strange duets mostly made for commercial reasons, and this one isn’t an exception, but unlike a lot of them, it really, really works.

4 - Dynamite (BTS)

US: #38 / FR: Not on the list

I’m still not 100% sold on k-pop even if a ton of it sounds super good, but come on. Even if some bits of this song (especially the beginning of the second chorus) sound a bit like they were made on autopilot, it still sounds just as happy and fun several months after I first heard it and I never got tired of it. That’s quality. You hear it and you can’t help but tap your feet and smile.

Actually, I’m sure there’s people somewhere that don’t smile when they hear this song. And they must be avoided at all costs.

3 - Godzilla (Eminem ft Juice WRLD)

US: #62 / FR: Not on the list

What are you doing so high on this list, old man. Why are you still here in the year 2020. I thought we left you in the previous decade. Who gave you the right.

I’m gonna tell you who did, and it’s actually Juice WRLD. Because that chorus is incredible, and like a lot of people I’m pissed off because the guy died super young and this shit shouldn’t happen to anybody. No, his early material wasn’t great, but I’m sorry I’m gonna say it again: have you heard this damn chorus? It’s suspenseful and dark, it’s got this lowkey menacing quality, it’s an earworm and a half, and it’s more convincing in like six lines than Eminem’s own flexing is in the entire song.

The beat is extremely good as well, and the flow, obviously, impressive. The weakest link is Eminem’s writing, which is as usual full of puns and weird wordplay, except here a lot of it isn’t great, and that last ultra fast part at the end is technically impressive but it also drives the song up a cliff and stops it dead in its tracks once it’s over. But frankly the lines fly by so fast it’s difficult to be too annoyed by them.

Can I sincerely put this extremely flawed song so high on my list? A better question would be “did I spend hours trying to learn how to sing this shit without choking on my own spit?”. The answer is yes. To both.

2 - Heartless (The Weeknd)

US: #28 / FR: Not on the list

I’ve said it on my 2015 and 2016 lists already, but just for the record I’ll say it again: it took me ages to like The Weeknd, mostly because I found most of his songs fairly boring, or disliked the lyrics, or both. Also I never really liked the general vibe of his “sexy” songs like The Hills, they felt dark but in an unpleasant creepy way. Felt like miserable hedonism, if that makes sense.

So, because I’m a person with extremely consistent and logical tastes, here’s the exact same shit he was making before, except that this time I absolutely adore it.

What is he doing differently that makes the whole After Hours album click for me whereas almost all of his previous material failed to do so? Is it the energy? Is it the reverb? Is it the fact that the narrator sounds properly unhinged and, frankly, scared to be spiralling out of control? Why are the colors so beautiful yet full of anxiety? Why is that bridge so fantastic? How can you make your voice look like a glowstick in the dark?

I give up. I have no clue. At least I’m done talking about-

Oh.

1 - Blinding Lights (The Weeknd)

US: #1 / FR: #1 (listen sometimes something’s just that good, ok)

Surprise. Or not.

Wow, look at that, Johannes has put this year’s number one pop song at number one on their personal playlist. The audacity. The edge. What a hot take.

I discovered that song when it first came out at the end of 2019 and I adored it instantly. And I was so scared it wouldn’t be a hit. Which means I’m a f█cking dumbass considering it ended up breaking all sorts of records in 2020. But what can I say, overplay can be a blessing when you love a song that much.

Like every single song I put at number one on one of my lists, I will draw this one at some point and you will understand how incredibly satisfying it is to listen to a song called Blinding Lights, talking about city lights looking blurry when you’re driving at night, while looking itself like a bunch of blurry city lights passing by super fast. Perfect in every way.

Also it sounds exactly like A-ha, and that never hurts.

See you next year! Pretty sure it will be even better music-wise.

[gwen-ever]

At what cost

A/N: I was just sad and yeah, again some angst and sadness.I will write something happy one day I swear and the idea of Kili and Fili die but Thorin survive just came into my mind and thats it. Always remeber that Eng its not my main language so i am sorry again. It was made for spooky writing event hosted by @dumbassunderthemountain​   but i have never finished it :/ This was Cemetary.        

Summary: Dìs comes back to Erebor after months of travelling. Thorin survived, but her children didn’t, Thorin built a new life with you in his home, but what was the cost he had to pay, what was the cost hi sister had to pay

Warnings: sad, very sad, major character death, angst, sad , just sad, and sad.

Words: 4969

Pairing: none, a bit of Thorin-Y/N

Every step he took became heavier and heavier, every step he took was a test of courage that he hadn't yet been able to face even once, every thought he made was yet another punch on the sternum that he could barely cash in on himself and his choices.

His dragging himself down there was perhaps the worst choice he had ever made, surely one of the most difficult and painful: did he really think he could escape from it, that he had the right to start over? When he had tried, everything had fallen again, when he had deluded himself that he could escape from what he had done, from his faults and remorse, he had been forced to live them all over again, but this time he was ready, as he was ready to see their faces again.

He could be a king, he could remain lucid in front of everyone, but when darkness arrived and silence fell, while he was sleeping or not, his weakest part reappeared tearing him apart from the inside.

A silent scream that he had never been able to emit, gritting his teeth and going on, not even wanting to try to wash the blood that stained on his hands; but finally he had tried to lie down in that reassurance that that little body of a yours was able to give him: he had laid on you, looking for that damn heat, that happiness that you could give him even only smiling to him, make it disappear when you led naked into his arms sleeping , but what he was feeling now, you could not take it away from him, only the dead were able to.

Everything had a cost and he had paid them all, or others had always paid for him: to die for someone, to possess someone's soul to the point of pushing them to die.

He would have been a hypocrite to say that he would not have done it too: he would have died for you, he would have died for Dwalin, he would have died for Dìs, he would have died and he would have killed himself to avoid being forced to drag himself into the crypts, to see them again, to be him lying on those icy stones, covered by dark iron that would have given him only the semblance of what they had been.

Kili, Fili.

The orange sunset passed through the small cracks had become almost overwhelming, creating a distressing semi-shade, the silence that reigned in the roots of the mountain was not interrupted by anything, a sacred and binding mourning that everyone had to hear as soon as they set foot in those rooms. The candle lights scattered at the side of each staircase were weak, small lights that shared the descent into the crypt carved in the rock.

The shuffling of the cloak he wore accompanied his breaths, the hands behind his back tried to give him a minimum of support, the crown that weighed more and more on his head made him bend forward, made him observe all the lights until the end of the room. The scent of fragrant herbs began to rise, aggravated by the pungent cold that anyone would meet as soon as they were channelled into the underground hypogeum.

It was as he remembered it, as he had seen it the last time: the staircase rolled up on the whole side of the room, descending into a gloomy amphitheatre where anyone could observe and honour the two tombs on the open space suspended in the void. Two warriors carved in stone silently watched over their bodies now rendered black by the black stale iron with which they had been covered.

Built by the fathers of the mountain for the death of an ancient king or for Durin, it had never been used, no one had the right to lie there, yet it was he himself who demanded it, convinced that a prominent position in death would help him to face them as they had gone, as warriors, but having honoured them as he knew best had not erased the pain.

Their bodies became sharper and sharper every step he made as well as their faces. He thought he had forgotten them, but in his heart he knew it would have never happen, he didn't forget anything, never.

He was still unable to say goodbye to them too: he had never done so, not even in his dreams, he saw them, he cried and screamed, but he had never said goodbye to them.

For what was a moment he seemed to see three graves, an alternative that would have been real, very real: if he hadn't survived he would lie among them, with Orcrist on his chest. He would have accompanied them as when they were children holding their hands with Kili who would have asked him if they could stay, and he would have answered him that it wouldn't have been possible.

Instead those two scoundrels had managed to stay there with all of them.

In fact, both of them had stayed, they had never left, they had haunted his thoughts, the mountain itself was haunted by them, that same crypt was always there.

In the middle of them, however, there was not a dark sarcophagus covered with ancient runes, there was someone else he had to imagine he would find there. Seeing her even just from behind was just another hammering on the sternum, but he knew he had to meet her and there, all four of them together again, was perhaps the only way he would be able to let himself go, to look her in the face and at least face her.

The long black hair were resting on one shoulder, the blue and yellow dress, highlighted by the blue stones of Durin's lineage fell into her hair supported by light golden chains. She had both of her hands placed at the foot of the tombs supporting herself on them while she moved her bend head slowly moved from Fili to Kili.

He knew she heard him coming, probably already since he had gone down the first steps, but she had not said a single word, nor had she moved her head towards him.

Nor did he demand it.

Thorin raised his back and walked down the last few steps without saying a word barely managing to turn his head towards the two stone slabs in the centre of the platform, lit by a series of candles surrounding their bodies that he had been forced to lay there himself and closing their eyes with his hand.

«I didn't think you would ever come.» Dìs' voice resounded firm but so delicate that he wondered if she was talking to him.

He blocked the step by staying behind her, even talking or confirming his presence made him feel unworthy. «I have never gone down the upper stairs.»

He could not yet look her in the face, she would not let him, he knew it all too well, but he could imagine her expression: her thick black eyebrows arched upwards, her eyes lighter than his, like their mother ones, covered with tears that she would never shed in his presence.

He heard her puffing, a giggle full of bitter pain without an ounce of joy. «I go down to her every day, before retiring to my halls.»

She showed him her profile, low, while her hand, tattooed with small circles on her fingers, went to detach Fili's tomb leaving a caress on the cold stone.

«I remembered them different, you know?» She barely whispered, looking at Kili's tomb, studying him and passing her hand from the side of the rock to above his chest. «He had shorter hair, Fili on the other hand, in a year he seems to have gotten older by a dozen. Dwalin told me that he behaved even as if he was older than a dozen, he told me that he took care of his brother, Kili always needed it". She laughed again, ironically, as if they could hear her and throw those words at her, as if she was ready to hear them deny every sentence: she couldn't stand it, not at that moment, not like that.

He remained silent not wanting to add anything, but he stepped forward by putting his foot on the first step forward and there he was finally able to see them both and a tremor in his chest led him to close his eyes.

Damn it.

He felt his sister's blue eye lightening from Kili's cold, petrified face on the side, looking at him on the bias and only increasing in him the shame and guilt, but that he would never let it show, she knew it, he couldn't do it, he just hoped that she would remember it. But his nature would have never justify such a pain, he hoped she knew that too.

Thorin looked up and met her conscious and cold eyes: her lip barely trembled, betraying the cold and detached behaviour that had never belonged to her, not to her sister. And seeing her like that hurt more than not seeing her at all, seeing her pretending to show herself strong, seeing her straight and stiff in front of him, imitating him, as if he were a person to imitate.

«Tell me just one thing...» She began with a hard voice, but no matter how hard she tried, she tilted. «Was it worth it?»

«What do you want me to answer?»

«I want you to tell me the truth nothing else, tell me if their lives to get Erebor back were a fair trade.» She spit as the grip in Kili's iron hand that became stronger: slowly she turned her head facing him.

He approached the graves by climbing the last step that separated him from them, standing in the middle , he could see both of their faces after too long; a stabbing pain crossed his chest from side to side so devastating compared to what he dreamed every night that those moments seemed to him only joyful dreams compared to the pain he felt in that moment.

Shivering, he put his hand on the cold slab, resting it on top of it, barely touching it since he was so afraid of it.  The faces in the snow covered with blood were transformed into two black masks that did not give them justice at all, the swords held to the chest and the royal cloths of the princes regent under them.

Nothing in that room represented what they had been in life and what they would be in death.

His eyes wandered lightly over the body of Fili, over the hand clutched to his chest holding the sword, over the chain mail, without ever dwelling on any detail except the writing surrounding the entire block.

"Here lies Fili, son of Vili, heir of Thorin Scudodiquercia, prince of Durin, saviour of Erebor and his people.»

His hand on the stone tightened with force in a rigid sting as he red several times at those letters shining from the candlelight.

"No." He murmured uncontrolled: he was dishonoured by his own admissions, but he knew, that if before he left he would have knew the price to pay, he would never left the Ered Luins, not even for all the glory of the seven Kingdoms, not even for all the gold hidden under Arda.

Dìs then did something that left him even more than stone, gluing him to the floor, making him unable even to breathe: she smiled, trembling but smiled at him, she was proud, proud of his response.

How could she?

His sister first looked towards his hand on Fili's grave and then to the crown he wore on his head and that weighed him down like a boulder: all his responsibilities were locked in that object on his head and all his decisions were linked to it and it always had to be so.

«Our father would not have done it, not even our grandfather, this at least shows me that you remained the king you were born to be». SHe affirmed his decision.

Wrong, he was not.

Shame made him lower his head and he had to fight with all his strength, to not pull the crown out of his hair and throw it away, throwing it into the abyss under him.

He shook his head quickly denying her to continue talking or to add anything else that would make those thoughts of his real and he raised his free hand to make her understand even more the concept that she should not interrupt him and how difficult that admission was for him.

«I was not.» He admitted, leaving a painful breath coming out of his mouth. «I was not the king I should have been. In the time of need I was no longer able to be it.» He murmured confessing out loud, no matter how much it hurt, he had been no less king than he had become and every day he felt he had to make amends for what had happened.

He looked down towards his hand still pulled on the tombstone of Fili, not realizing then that Dìs had left his hand to Kili next to him and that she had approached him a few steps closer; before he could realize it she had approached his hand next to his and trembling put hers on top of his, squeezing his palm on the cold green marble.

«Do you remember what our father and grandfather used to say to you when I got into trouble and you tried to get me out of it by taking the blame? Or when Frerin came back so drunk from banquets with Dàin that you had to drag him to his room before he started a fight with the wrong dwarf or at worst you took the punches for him?" She asked him with a veil of melancholy.

He raised and lowered his head nodding and finally found the strength to look up.

«An heir of Durin is first a king and then a dwarf, act accordingly.» He repeated it like a nursery rhyme.

Dìs nodded smiling sadly with the eyes that were lost in her memories.

«They reproached it to you as if it was a lesson you had to learn but you had already learned it and they didn't even realize it».

"I was just doing what I needed to do so that you wouldn't get into more trouble than you would have been."

Again on Dìs' lips appeared that sad smile and shook in dissent, approaching her free hand towards his cheek and with the tip of his index finger moved a tuft of hair away from his forehead: a gesture that she had not stopped doing even with her children.

«No brother, you did it because you took responsibility for us, you protected us even when we were wrong, you always protected all of us because you were always a good king.»

Thorin was shocked and even more devastated  from that statement.

He  hadn't come there to hear that he was a good king, he wasn't, he hadn't protected them, he hadn't been able to. Then why was Dìs acting as if he was?

He stopped her hand with his claw before she could bring the wavy tuft behind his shoulder looking at her questioning, with his chest beginning to throb shaken by heavy breathing.

«Why are you saying this?»

His sister jerked slightly, but remained silent: she only glanced at his hand, which firmly held her wrist and without adding anything, pulled it away from him and then moved her gaze towards the crown on his head again: she studied it as she had done before, her eyes suddenly became shiny and her hand began to shake, forcing her to take it off and carry it towards her lap.

Dìs glanced behind her, towards the tomb of Fili, and a deep sigh came out of her lips full of pain, as if her sternum had been pierced; she closed her eyes overwhelmingly to tears and silence fell.

There were things that Thorin had been denied, words that she did not want to reveal to him, moments that she was reliving in her head that were making her tremble from head to toe and that made her raise and lower her belly in a frenetic way, not even clamoured by her hands.

Long painful minutes passed, in which Thorin waited, in a religious silence in which the only noise were the thoughts of Dìs that seemed to be reflected around the whole room: a couple of candles in fact blew out on themselves and the cold from the bottom of the crypt became perceptible even under the layers of heavy clothes.

A single tear crossed her cheek, moving her gaze from him to Kili's black metal face behind her and then back to Fili's face. A long trembling breath followed and then she turned around and walked between the two tombs giving him her back.

Dìs shoulders rose and lowered in a tremor. "I have often wondered in these weeks how it would have been like if they had succeeded you as your heirs». At first, she started standing still, continuing to give him her back but then she turned around: she was crying silently, detaching his tone of voice from what he was feeling.

«You knew Kili, he would start giving orders in all directions and he would surely start saying that the crown was thought or that the throne was uncomfortable for him and then he would fall asleep on it». Her voice trembled moving towards Kili's tomb smiling among the tears that crept on her chest adorned with golden necklaces. She placed a hand on his forehead without stopping crying to look at the effigy underneath her.  «Fili instead was different from him.  B-before you all left, when you left for Dunland, he had even started talking like you. F-few days before you left for the Shire, he woke me in the middle of the night, he stood beside me awake and asked me if you had ever been proud of him, if he would have been able to be like you, a king like you.» A hiccup interrupted Dìs words and her gaze fixed on Fili's face closing her eyes in an instant while she was fighting not to let out those feelings that were killing her.

That pain, that torment, and that only increased the sense of guilt that oppressed Thorin and his chest making him tremble.

«Why didn't you tell me about it then?» He whispered.

"Because he asked me not to, and not to tell his brother either, the reason is now much clearer to me...if...if..." A hiccup blocked her already trembling words making her mouth tighten in a straight line: Thorin felt his ears ring, already knowing what would follow and did not want to hear it.

«They loved you like a father Thorin, dying for you was the only death they would accept or the only death they would hope for, they died for you because they loved you.»

He returned to everything, every single damn moment, every single cursed word that haunted his head managed to resound in his head and disintegrated his every sense of calm: that phrase had the effect of making him tremble, of anger, of pain, of anguish by now he didn't know it anymore. That phrase only caused him disgust.

He heard it every night, he saw them both dead in his arms and that sentence echoed in his head like a torture, a warning of what would happen, a note of what would happen to those who loved him, to those who trusted him, to those who gave themselves to him, to the people he cared for and who would end up like that, leaving behind a pain that he had endured too many times.

He detached his trembling hand from the tombstone of Fili and moved towards Dìs, a blind rage took control of himself, shortening in great steps the distance that only served as a wall to try to filter the pain of both.

"Do you want me to tell you what I see every time I close my eyes sister?" He emphasized harshly: all his barriers tried to stay up unnecessarily. "Every time they tell me that they have died for me, for this venture, do you think it consoles me? Do you think it covers me with honour? No, it makes everything even more real and makes the guilt unmanageable, because it's as if the blade that pierced them was still in my hands!» Dìs didn't say a word only grained her eyes.«I see them children, I see them growing among the snow and the fir trees outside the doors of Nogrod, and then there is the darkness and the scenes of the last time I looked at them before I saw them disappear before my eyes...» The words were low a growl of pain that was replaced by a painful sigh, by an anger that had gone down leaving behind only the remains of himself and making his impenetrable wall collapse.

He advanced towards, his head down, the side of his eyes that began to shake. «Despise me, I beg you.» He begged.

At that supplication Dìs looked at him disconsolate, shaking his head and lowering it towards the surrendered floor, knowing that it should have been like that, they both knew: she should have hated him, he had taken them away from her arms, he had convinced them, and they had followed him and she had not been able to stop them, but time changed many things, the lack of all the people she loved had changed too many things.

«Hating you won't give them back to me, it would only destroy the last family I have left.» Thorin muttered as he watched her raise her head again, her mouth wide open trying to get air trying to stay still. «And it's you... they're not there anymore, you're the only one left.» She murmured and quickly took a hand over her mouth to suffocate the sobs by squeezing her eyes to stop the tears.

At that point Thorin couldn't take it anymore, all the pain, all the guilt, everything he had felt in all those months bent him in front of what his sister to his only family left to his past that he would never let go, his little sister. He advanced towards her, wanting to console her. Wanting to embrace her. He took her close, one step away: he tried to wrap her in his strong arms but Dìs came back plotting shaking his head.

Thorin suddenly froze with his eyes closed, observing the pain in his chest, which never ended, destroying him and reducing him to a spectator unaware of his feelings: something warm dripped down his cheeks.

He brought his hands to his eyes, recognizing many tears that came out, and that he could not stop, his hand trembled at that sight and that feeling. He looked up at his sister's upset face and without either of them saying anything, they ran towards each other and held each other.

Dìs let himself go to a desperate cry shaken by the tremors and the sobbing higher and higher and higher, holding him tighter and tighter, sinking his head into her shoulder; instead he remained motionless and unable to make a noise: already too much that silent tears came down from his cheeks. He wrapped his hips around her with one arm, while the other wrapped it behind her shoulders keeping attached to him.

"Give them back to me, please, give them back to me." He heard her pleading in the fabric of his crush crying desperately, but to that pleading he did not answer: he just held her tighter to himself, staring at the emptiness in front of him. «Give my babies back to me, make the-them return to me, please, please, please.» She begged and hi tears only increased by number as his heart broke again bleeding. «Please I want them with me please, p-please..please… please…I beg of you.»

The heartbeat he could no longer feel it, there was only an emptiness that had swallowed them both, a pain that instead of separating them had united them in a way they would never have expected.

Those few tears he managed to shed, counted even in the fingers of one hand, were nothing compared to those of hi sister  in his arms, of the princess in his arms who kept sobbing uninterruptedly, pouring over him all that she had managed to keep inside for months, not being able to tell anyone about it, not being able to show it to anyone.

Thorin closed his eyes cradling her and resting his chin on her forehead closing his eyes, while the salty drops on his cheeks became a faint memory and time passed inexorably on them; the King under the Mountain discounted every second of it: he let Dìs take his revenge on him, clinging to his cloak and drowning in his arms and pain.

He could not say how long they remained like that, but finally the tears stopped and Thorin found himself clutching a body that seemed to have emptied of all life: Dìs was heavy and cold, her fingers could barely hold him now.

Deep breaths shook her and she turned around in her arms, turning her face, first pressed against her shoulder towards the dark stone of Fili's tomb and a last and defined hiccup decreed the end of that moment.

To his surprise Dìs began to speak again, the tone of voice devoid of any pain, like a story told to children in bed, maternal, affable.

«When they died, even when Vili died, no crow had to tell me, no messenger had to tell me, I felt only a huge emptiness, a huge hole as if someone had ripped my heart from my chest throwing it to beasts, the ox swallowed me and corroded me leaving behind only a shadow of what could be, an infinite nothing in which there was only a faint regret of what would no longer happen, the lack of a piece that would no longer be welded». Thorin said nothing except that he placed his chin on the top of his head and held it steady where it rested on his chest carefully following every painful word. «I wanted to die, so I stayed awake waiting, but nothing happened. I saw them, all the time around the house, their ghosts haunted me». She broke off by slightly increasing the grip on his shirt. «If I could, I would go back, even for a moment, just to embrace them one last time, just for a moment, I would.»

«You would still suffer.» Thorin was harsh with that statement, too direct, those words had hit him too deeply to make him act in a less aggressive way, it all seemed so absurd to him, to be able to go back, to want to know and love so much while knowing what would happen, was a foolish wrong choice. How could she have wanted such a thing when all he wanted was to forget?

However, Dìs didn't bother: she simply shook her head on his shoulder and kept staring next to her the eyes lost in the void, a veiled smile towards some figures that Thorin couldn't see but that seemed so real to her, too real, because they were so, they were real, to Dìs hey were real.

«No, I would love them even more than before.» She said and in one moment the three figures smiled to her before disappearing, and left, her, there, alone, again.

 «We love you too a-mad.»

«I love you, my love, my princess, I always did, I always will, we will wait, I promise we will.»

[underthedekutree]

Young Link might have PTSD - Part 2: Termina is NOT a Parallel World, Technically

This is a continuation of my last post so if you’re seeing this and haven’t read it, go here.

This is the part where I somewhat smoothly segue into Majora’s Mask. Link, lonely and filled with unprocessed trauma, leaves Hyrule in search of Navi. According to most sources (which take from Hyrule Historia probably? don’t quote me on it), Link falls down a hole into Termina, a parallel world to Hyrule, that contains many familiar looking denizens of Hyrule, but playing different roles. And well, if you probably guessed by the title, I have a rather different interpretation.

Okay, so in a nutshell my theory is that Termina is in fact all a dream, kind of like Koholint Island. Except the one dreaming up this world isn’t some deity like the Giants or Skull Kid or the Moon. It’s Link.

(big explainey hoo hah below)

Evidence 1: Link begins the game sleeping. Yes, I know literally every Zelda game begins this way and it’s a whole tradition thing. I am beginning with the weakest points first and working my way up to the strong ones. We’ll get there.

Evidence 2: The reuse of character and environment models from Ocarina of Time. The literal IRL reason for this is of course the game famously being given only one year of production time, which meant that the most practical method was to reuse as much material from MM’s predecessor as possible (eg. Romani Ranch sign is the Kakariko Village sign, and still says Kakariko Village on it). It seems like a rather offhand afterthought for Nintendo to chalk it all up to “oh its just a parallel world like Link to the Past or something. But think of it like this; when we dream, we often see familiar people from throughout our lives put in strange and unexpected situations, like that irritable old farmhand you hated so much is now a depressed circus master for some reason. Dreams don’t make sense. Things you know will mix with other strange inexplicable things, fleeting thoughts in your mind, all roughly tied together by whatever emotions you had been feeling when you went to bed. Malon is split into two people, Romani and Cremia, her older and younger self. This might reflect how Link feels about Malon, that she changed so much in those 7 years that she’s like a different person entirely, that it’s hard for him to process that they are the same, because the change was so shockingly sudden for him.

Evidence 3: Gorons in the snow, Gerudo by the sea. Yes, I know that sounds a lot like good evidence for a parallel world (that’s why the idea is widely accepted in the first place, it has merit), but it also works in as dream world evidence too. As a child, my family was obsessed with skiing. We would go to the same mountain every winter, and we would stay at the same lodge. It almost became like a second home for me. So much so, that one night I dreamed that my house had been replaced by the lodge, so it wasn’t on a snow-capped mountain, but in a bushy Australian suburb. Okay that kinda got off subject but I’m bad at conclusions so in summary Dreams Just Be Like That (tm). You get what I’m saying right? No? Sorry, let’s just move on.

Evidence 4: The Milk Bar. AKA my favourite location in the game! It’s often overlooked as the “haha funny they couldn’t put alcohol in kids game so its kiddy milk hee hee”, but it is actually a strong thematic pillar of Majora’s Mask. As I mentioned in Part 1, if you put a 9 year old in a 16 year old’s body and call him an adult before ripping that all away is probably going to leave the kid with an identity crisis. What is a mature place open at late hours when children are sleeping? A bar. What is a drink associated with the young, being produced for the purpose of helping children grow? Milk. No please don’t go I swear there’s more to this, stay with me. In order to gain access to the bar, Link must prove he is mature enough by wearing a mask, a disguise, like Adult Link is to Young Link. Being adult isn’t earned through years of natural living experience and mental development, it’s a thing you are given by adults to just BE when they deem you worthy, at least from how Link sees it. So that is the amalgamation of dream thoughts that is the Milk Bar. Is it mature? Is it childish? What is the line between the two? Is there one? It’s the culmination of his anxieties and confusions that he doesn’t know how to express. Another, smaller expression of this anxiety is the Clock Town Guards. When Link is a Deku, the guards say they don’t allow children outside the gates. When Link turns back however, the guard goes to stop him because he looks too young, but sees that he has a sword, and lets him pass. Why the sword? Well, in one way this is a callback to Kokiri Forest, where Mido doesn’t let Link see the Deku Tree until he has a sword. But also, what is the item that lets Link travel through time and become an adult in OOT? The Master Sword. Link seems to believe that adulthood is measured by the things you have, physical markers of maturity, which is how lots of children see adulthood. You’re an adult if you can drink, if you’re tall, if you’re married, if you have a house, a car etc. But in reality this isn’t how it works. Heck, I’m technically an adult but I sure as hell don’t feel like one, because I know I still have things to learn about responsibility, patience and all the other things, that can only come with time, which is the moral conclusion of OOT, but clearly Link missed the memo. Don’t get me wrong, there are some indicators to show he’s grown a bit. He can ride Epona, use the bow, do flips like some kind of acrobat etc. But those strange and confused feelings linger, and manifest in the young boy’s dreams.

Evidence 5: The four transformation masks. The four masks represent different aspects of Link’s self, and the way he grew and changed in OOT. Deku Scrub the Innocent, Goron the Confident, Zora the Mature and Fierce Deity the Hero. Link began only knowing the Kokiri Forest, and nothing of the world outside. As he set out on his journey, he grew more confident in his skills and defeated greater foes. When evil took over, he learned from his fatal mistake and worked to right it. And when it was finally time to face the greatest threat, he was ready, with all the heart pieces, bottles full of fairies, Biggoron Sword in hand. At that moment he struck the final blow he probably felt like the strong and unstoppable hero everyone in Hyrule told him he needed to be. And that feeling of pure uncompromising strength, with the whole world behind him, manifested in the Fierce Deity. Fierce Deity is much taller than Adult Link, and packs so much of a punch that he can beat Majora without batting an eye, like some overpowered Super Saiyan. It reminds me a lot of Undertale, with young Asriel becoming what he imagines to be an all-powerful godlike being, like something you’d see as a children’s drawing. Fierce Deity gives off those vibes, like “he has a HUGE SWORD that SHOOTS BEAMS OF LIGHT and he’s 8 FOOT TALL and CAN KILL ENEMIES IN A SINGLE BLOW!!” Before the final battle on the moon, when Majora gives you the mask, he childishly asks if you want to play a game of good guys and bad guys. And the good guy always wins, no matter what. Fierce Deity makes the final boss a cakewalk, but its supposed to.

Evidence 6: Anju and Kafei. Short one, because it falls a lot into everything else I’ve said regarding childhood vs adulthood. Kafei is effectively a switcheroo of what happened to Link in OOT. An adult shrunk back to childhood, uncomfortable in his new body and looking for a way to fix everything. He’s a reflection of how Link now kinda feels like an adult in a child’s body, because he had started to be used to being called an adult.

Evidence 7: The Moon. I haven’t super touched on the main meat of the game yet, so here it is. The moon and the 3 day mechanic is an allegory for constant mounting pressure, that builds and builds, never ceasing, because the world is in danger, and there’s only one person who has been chosen to save it. I’ve always been interested in the Chosen One narrative, and how different media explore the idea of the world’s very existence being pushed onto one person. How at the end of it all, they can never be the same again after all they’ve gone through. When you’re somehow expected to hold up the Moon itself single-handed, and your life and everything you care about suffers because you’re putting everyone else before yourself. That feeling of complete loneliness under a crushing weight, and although other characters may come to help you, in the end its still all down to you, and you never had a choice in any of it, as all the decisions were made by someone else. You must do what they tell you. Believe in yourself, believe...

Evidence 8: Skull Kid. The story goes that long ago in Termina, the Skull Kid and the Giants played together, until one day, the Giants left, leaving the Skull Kid alone and heartbroken, with nobody to turn to. As life moves on, things may change, and people always come and go from your life. Your friend might move overseas, or stop texting you, or you might fall out of friendship after an awkward event from which you could never recover (no, these have totally not all happened to me, shut up i’m fine), or your fairy companion might just disappear without so much as a goodbye after their task is complete. And it feels like you didn’t matter at all. That they never really cared about you, and you’re as easy to drop and move on from as a child’s toy. You might get angry, and want to shut them out, and give them a taste of their own medicine. Majora’s Mask teaches you that this isn’t the case. Life is ever changing, but you will always have the memories of times with your friends, and a chance to make more with new friends, like a sassy talkative fairy sprite and her shy brother or a child made of wood who wants to destroy the world. Friends come from unlikely places, so accept that change will happen and hope that wherever the people you knew are, they’re okay. You’re thinking about them, so they might be thinking about you too. And who knows? Life is unpredictable. They might just come back one day, and it’ll be like they were never gone.

Evidence 9 (the final one, I promise): The Song of Healing. At the end of all things, after losing ones you love, connections to family and friends, memories of things long past... you need time to heal. Link’s journey through Termina is a constant gauntlet of running into his own past traumas, forced to relive them again, and again, and again. But sometimes you should take a deep breath, gather your thoughts, and take time to heal. Although it can be important to confront your fears and learn to surpass them, it is exhausting, and you can end up more emotionally broken than when you started. The three masks all had regrets of powerlessness; unable to protect your community, your loved ones, or even yourself. Troubles you’ve gone through that keep plaguing your mind, and you’re wondering if you’ve done enough, seeking answers where none can be found. And the best thing you can do... is accept and move on. Be kind to yourself, and give yourself time to heal. Link’s way of processing his grief and trauma is to create an entire hellscape world in his own head, but not everyone processes it the same way. Sometimes you feel like you need to busy yourself, or listen to soothing music, or talk to people you trust, or spend copious amounts of money, or make some angst art, or cuddle your plush toys until their stuffing squeezes out. Sometimes life hits you in the face and you want to blame yourself for standing in the firing line, but it’s not your fault. It’s okay to feel however you feel, whether you’re drenched in a pool of tears or you just feel numb, it’s okay and natural. You’re okay. You’re here.

Okay so it got kinda personal at the end there but I hope it was informative, and made you think a little bit differently about Majora’s Mask and Ocarina of Time. You probably want to go back and play them now. Me too.

So was this all just an excuse for me to gush about how cool Majora’s Mask is? Hell fucking yes it was. Congratulations for making it through my monstrous ramblings, you get the secret prize of looking at my weird art on my DA. Here you go. Have a nice day, Zelda Nerds.

[snake-noodles]

235 Angst/Horror Prompts!

a continuation of this post! I thought it was about time i renewed it.

"The screams… they wont stop"

"You're gone... I watched you disappear..."

"We all watched it happened, and time stood still."

"It feels as if time hasn't passed"

"I feel stuck. And everyone is moving without me."

"They keep staring at me."

"What if I never get better?"

"Why wont they wake up?"

"You said they'd come home. Where are they?"

"I used to think I didn't deserve love. Now I know that it's true."

"We found you crying. What happened?"

"Who hurt you?"

"You're scared.... and broken..."

"I don't deserve this. I don't deserve you."

"What did I do wrong?"

"It's so cold..."

"Am I going to die?"

"Please answer me."

"Nothing ever goes right!"

"Why do you have to ruin everything?!"

"Why do you hate me so much?"

"Things will be better this way."

"I swear to god if you jump-"

"I trusted you."

"I never thought this would happen."

"This is all my fault."

"You're the worst mistake I've ever made!"

"Are you even listening?"

"Why are you always so sad?"

"Why have you been hiding this from us?"

"... Where did all of these scars come from?"

"Were you drinking again?"

"I gave you everything and this is how you repay me?"

"Did I ever even matter to you?"

"Would they even notice if I vanished?"

"What if I end up being forgotten?"

"I don't know what I'd do without them."

"I don't think I can make it."

"Why are you being so nice to me?!"

"You're supposed to be yelling at me! And... and hitting me! Why aren't you doing that?!"

"Please don't look at me..."

"I never want to see your face again."

"You're dead to me."

"I wish I never met you."

"Why do you look at me like that?"

"I found those medical papers in your room... Why didn't you tell me?"

"Are you going to be okay?"

"Stop lying to me!"

"Please, just breathe."

"Where did you go?"

"I thought you died."

"Why are you doing this to yourself?"

"I just wanted to help..."

"It hurts so much."

"Why can’t I stop thinking about you?"

"I can’t feel anything anymore."

"It never mattered anyway."

"I’ll just be forgotten."

"There’s too much going on!"

"I can’t think like this."

"You will never be good enough."

"It’s okay. They’re gone now."

"Why did they have to be so cruel?"

"I hate you!"

"I didn’t mean it… Please forgive me."

"Get out of my head."

"Put the pills down."

"I can’t hear you."

"My eyes hurt… why can’t I see?"

"Bad dream?"

"My throat feels tight."

"I-I can’t breathe!"

"Please help me!"

"I think I broke my leg-!"

"Quiet- I can hear it."

"I want to cut your hand off so I can hold it forever."

"Nothing could go wrong!"

"Where am I?"

"What did you do to them?!"

"Where are they?"

"Will they be okay?"

"Don’t turn around. It’s behind us."

"Breathe slowly, show no signs of fear."

"I think it’s touching me."

"Hey, who turned out the lights?"

"There’s something in the kitchen."

"Did you hear that?"

"Please tell me it’s just you down there."

"If this is a joke it isn’t funny!"

"Where are you? I’m scared."

"My light wont work."

"This is all your fault!"

"Wake up!"

"Why aren’t they breathing?"

"Please tell me this is fake.”

"Just shut the hell up."

"You’re the reason why I’m like this."

"I thought you loved me."

"If this is what you think is best..."

"Am I just a toy to you?"

"Nothing ever mattered to me."

"I am damaged."

"The weakest must go..."

"I can hear it calling my name."

"I feel so sick."

"I’m tired of living in a life where I’ll never be happy."

"All I can think of are those rainy days."

"Why can’t things just be the way they always have been?"

"Do you not care anymore?"

"I would rather die."

"I’m tired of getting wounds that will never heal."

"Why am I always so tired?"

"Is this what sadness does to people?"

"You mean to say that you’ve never been touched?"

"Please don’t touch me."

"It feels gross."

"It burns."

"Stop! Turn it off!"

"Why are you doing this?!"

"Why can’t I make you happy?"

"I don’t need you anymore."

"You were never useful to me."

"Why are you still here?"

"You have a lot of nerve showing up here."

"Please don’t shoot!"

"When they died, I feel as if I died with them."

"Life isn’t worth living without you."

"I need you. Why do you always leave me?"

"I thought I told you to leave."

"Why is the window open?"

"This was the worst mistake I’ve ever made."

"I had a dream where I killed you."

"I had a dream where I killed myself."

"Why won’t this nightmare end?"

"God must hate me."

"I think the medicine is starting to kick in."

"That wasn’t there before."

"Who are all of these people?"

"I don’t remember who I used to be."

"I deserve to rot."

"We all know you hate me. Just admit it."

"You promised me nothing would happen."

"The creature is staring at me again."

"We found you in the snow. What the hell happened?"

"Can you hear me?"

"Why am I always late?"

"This is all my fault."

"They hate me, don’t they?"

"I just want to look at you."

"I don’t want to fall asleep. I’m scared.”

"I’m happy when you’re not here."

"Death is only the end if you think it's about you."

"Hold still. It'll only hurt a little."

"Aw, why red is such a lovely color on you~"

"Mostly we don't get destroyed. We usually destroy ourselves."

"I'm lost and my phone's almost dead. Please help."

"Let go of me!! Stop it!"

"Hm… Legs don't usually bend like that."

"Don't cry, don't worry… It's supposed to bleed the first time."

"I just want to open your skin and crawl inside of you."

"You're so vulnerable right now. I could kill you if I wanted."

"Don't look behind you. It's here."

"You'll make a nice meal."

"Have you already given up?"

"If you win, perhaps I'll spare your life."

"Don't ever do something like that again."

"A shame. You were a good runner before I broke your legs."

"I won't ever let you escape."

"Believe nothing you hear, and only one half that you see."

"We make up horrors to help cope with the real ones."

"Everyone is a book of blood, wherever we're opened, we're red.”

“There is something at work in my soul, which I do not understand.”

“Blood is really warm, it's like drinking hot chocolate but with more screaming.”

"I think all of us go a little crazy sometimes."

“It touched me to be trusted with something terrible.”

"Nothing always stays the same."

"You won't be happy forever."

"It's time to say goodbye."

"Hey, hey… it's okay to cry. Let it all out."

"I'm so tired of fighting."

"I wish you were never born."

"I like how it feels to peel someone's flesh off."

"Some people come back to haunt you no matter how deep you bury them."

"Are you expanding your mind, or are you just going crazy?"

"The parts I've collected will make me… perfect. Beautiful."

"Stay inside. Don't look at the night sky."

"When I turned on the radio, I could hear screams."

"He found me."

"Ah, well, I shouldn't gossip. It's rude to talk about someone who's listening."

"They come out crying into their hands. Because no one will ever love them."

"Waking up in the forest, I remembered nothing."

"You can never go home now."

"How long do you think you have till your demise?"

"Hmm… welp. That's a dead kid."

"Go ahead and take a slice."

"Oh? Don't worry about those."

"And what makes you think they won't kill you?"

"We couldn't find the body."

"I've been looking for you... and now I will never let you go..."

"I could hear you...breathing."

"Their teeth were scattered on the floor, and the pliers were in their hands."

"No light can save you now."

"Seeing you so powerless is like music to me."

"Now I get to play Take Apart And Put Back Together! You won't feel a thing…"

"What is this new prison? Is it me trapped, or is it you? Perhaps it's us both."

"Might as well face the facts: You were always destined to fail."

"You blinked."

"Let me show you how to break your face."

"I assure you, I am very real."

"You will not be spared. You will not be saved."

"Whoops! That'll leave a mark."

"We've only just begun. I'll never let you leave. I'll never let you rest."

"Let's see how many pieces I can cut you into."

"You won't die, but you'll wish you could."

"Don't worry… I can save you. Just hold still…"

"I can't feel anything… Am I dead?"

"Is anyone there?"

"I insisted to her that someone will die."

"This has been a sweet date… But it's so sad I was paid to kill you… Ah, well, hold still for me."

"They're all dead and it's your fault."

"My head keeps telling me to jump out the window."

"But it's getting worse! You need to take your meds… and start going to the doctors again… I don't want to lose you."

"Are you really trying to break my heart? I can't take this."

"Of course they're not real. Cause no one would ever be able to care about someone like you."

"There's something wrong here. And I don't want you involved."

"Please let me help you! All you do is push me away! You need help, and I'm trying to give that to you!"

"I-I don't want to be alone! Please don't go!"

"It's me. I'm here. I'm here and I'm so sorry."

"Please don't cry, you know I hate to see you in pain…"

"Don't answer the phone."

"Don't get too close… Who knows who you can trust here."

"Those cold words spread through their head like a knife."

"I don't care! Leave me alone!"

"They'll just kill me."

"I miss you… I really miss you. I wish I could have saved you."

[teething-possum]

I kinda forgot to post a lot of my fics I’ve written, so hereeeeeeee we go!!!!!!!

I present to you, “Mr. Hero, My Friend”, a @linkeduniverse fic (LU belongs to @jojo56830!)

-

-

“Where are we now?” Sky asked, sleepily. The boys had just woken up and as they packed, the landscape had changed around them. They all looked around curiously, studying the area.

“It’s not my Hyrule,” chorused Warriors, Wind, and Hyrule. Twilight and Time just shook their heads, and Wild shrugged.

“Yoo hoo! Mr. Hero!” Legend froze, turning slowly. It couldn’t be…

“Ravio?” Looking into a nearby tree, Legend stood in frozen horror as he watched his friend wave at him from a high branch. Sheerow floated by his head and seemed to be winking at Legend.

“Do you mind helping me down? After all, how many times did I drag you back to the house when you got hurt?” Ravio called down, swinging his legs like a little kid. Legend grumbled out a, “And took back anything I was renting while you were at it,” but obediently climbed the tree and helped the purple-clad man down, much to the surprise of the others.

“Speaking of which! We aren’t far away from the house!” The rabbit man continued, feet firmly planted on the group. “How about we head back? I have some stew boiling!”

“Do you have enough for them, too?” Legend said with a jerk of a thumb, pointing towards the still confused group. Ravio laughed and nodded, throwing an arm around Legend.

“Stew for all!”

-

“Wow, this is your place, Legend?” Wind asked in awe as they walked into the house. It was full of weapons and treasure, and immediately all the boys scattered to investigate. Twilight and Wind were investigating a rod of some kind, while Time and Sky were looking in some chests full of clothing and postcards. Four was particularly invested in the swords, and Warriors and Wild listened to him appraise each one.

“Very balanced, evenly tempered and look at that handle! Functional, decorative, and well maintained! You could take some pointers, Wild,” Four teased as Legend marched over to take the sword away from them.

“Stop messing with all this junk, they aren’t toys and you’re likely to get hurt if you don’t stop!” Legend grumbled, placing the sword back in its scabbard and turning to Ravio. “And don’t you even think of trying to sell them anything, Rabbit!”

Ravio deflated and then opened his mouth, but Legend cut him off with a, “Or renting!”. That caused Ravio to sigh. He motioned them all into the kitchen where he served them all stew, and rambled on about the various times he had to ‘save’ Legend.

“Link is so clumsy sometimes, I had Sheerow keep an eye on him so my wares wouldn’t get injured,” Ravio rambled, stirring a thing of tea. “Or my finest paying customer, of course!”

“Your only paying customer, Ravio. No one else would even think of buying something at your high prices,” Legend said, laughing. Ravio joined in with him, handing the hero a cup of tea to match Ravio’s own. As the laughter died away, his face settled to one of worry.

Glancing around the room, Ravio noted that all the others seemed to be focused on their stew, or each other. Nudging Legend, he nodded his head towards the other room. Legend sighed and put down his cup of tea, and stood.

“Ravio and I have to discuss sleeping arrangements, we’ll be right back,” Legend announced. Everyone nodded and the two friends left the room.

“Are you okay? Have they hurt you? Are they forcing you to st-” Ravio started but Legend put his hand over the man’s mouth.

“Ew, did you just lick my hand?” Legend said, disgusted, removing his hand from Ravio’s mouth. Ravio nodded and narrowed his eyes.

“Link... Do you even know them? Are they forcing you to stay with them? You don’t care for new people but here you come, after being gone for months, with eight people I’ve never seen before,” Ravio tapped his foot nervously, waiting for an answer. Legend just sighed.

“I… I’m sorry I disappeared. I know we were fighting when I did. I didn’t leave on purpose, it just happened,” Ravio didn’t respond, so Legend continued.

“I didn’t know them originally. We all had the same thing happen to us, we disappeared from our Hyrules and end up somewhere else… None of us know why, but we do know that we all are holders of the Triforce of Courage and are a hero in our Hyrule… We all even have the same name, so we go by nicknames… They call me Legend, and… Well...” Legend trailed off, watching his friend. Ravio took a deep breath and looked Legend in the eye, remembering all the times he had looked into those blue eyes in the past.

-

“Mr. Hero!” The hero’s eyes looked tired and confused, like he was unsure who was calling him. When he saw Ravio’s stand, his eyes lit up. Ravio smiled, a potential customer for sure.

-

“Mr. He- I mean, Mr. Link!” Link’s head turn and Ravio saw that his eyes were as tired as ever, but with fierce determination in coursing through them. The hero walked to him and they began talking about Link’s plans.

-

“Link… you’re my hero,” Ravio cried, staring into his friend’s desperate eyes. He didn’t want to leave, and it showed in his eyes. He pressed the magic bracelet into Ravio’s hands, with an new engraving of ‘from Link, to Rabbit’, and took off toward his Zelda, back to Hyrule.

-

Right now, Link’s eyes were full of regret and worry, tears forming in the corners. It broke Ravio’s heart to see his friend hurting, but it hurt even more remembering the way they had parted previously.

“I missed you, Link. I was worried you were actually mad when you didn’t come back,” Ravio said quietly. “I already lost you once, when I went back to to Lorule and you went back to Hyrule. When I got back to Hyrule and you invited me to stay with you… I was happy, because I finally felt like I had a friend after losing Hilda to Yuga… but then we fought and you stormed out, and I sent Sheerow after you and-and he coul-couldn’t find you and I was s-so worried about you, Link,” Ravio sobbed, falling into Legend’s arms. They stood there a while, still hugging before Ravio finally pulled back.

“I’m sorry I worried you, Ravio, I didn’t mean to… I wanted to come back and apologize, but then we,” Legend motioned to the dining room, “All ended up together, and we can’t control where we go and I really did want to come home but I… I just… I’m sorry,” Legend cried softly. Ravio hugged his friend again. Legend sobbed into his shoulder. Funny how the strongest person Ravio knew could also be the weakest when something truly mattered to him.

“I don’t want to be the Hero of Legend, or Legend, or any of it. I never did. I just want to be Link,” Legend finally said, quietly after a few minutes.

“You’ll always be a hero, Link. You can’t change the past. But… you may be Legend to them, but you’ll always be Link to me, okay?” Ravio whispered. Legend nodded slowly, patting the rabbit man’s shoulder.

“Thank you Ravio,” Legend wiped his face and took a deep breath. “Now, about the sleeping arrangements…”

-

“I’m glad Legend has someone like you,” a voice said, startling Ravio from his tea drinking. Everyone had gone to bed except for him, or so he thought. In front of him stood a boy with browned hair and a green and brown tunic. Ravio struggled to remember his name.

“I’m Hyrule. I know you’re trying to remember my name, don’t worry, I know there are eight new people to learn the names of suddenly, and that can be hard,” the boy, Hyrule, said. Ravio smiled at him, and motioned for him to sit. Passing him a cup and the tea kettle, Ravio let him make his own tea. Sitting in silence, Ravio contemplated what he wanted to say to Hyrule. Should he say it was nice to meet him? That he was glad that Link had new friends? That he was delighted to have him in the house?

“I’m glad Link isn’t alone out there,” Ravio finally said, taking a sip of his tea afterwards. Hyrule smiled at this, and drank his own tea, before placing it down.

“I’m going to go to bed now, I just wanted to say it was nice to meet you, and that it’s nice that Legend has a friend as caring as you,” Hyrule quietly mumurred. Ravio nodded and the boy left. Legend came creeping down the hall not much later.

“I thought you’d be asleep,” Legend scowled, crossing his arms.

“And you should be asleep,” Ravio countered. Legend sighed, sitting in the same chair Hyrule did. He made himself a cup of tea, and drank it all before opening his mouth to speak.

“I am sorry you know that, right, Rabbit?” Ravio blinked at the nickname. Legend so rarely called him that, but it meant a lot. Ravio bit his lip and nodded.

“Then you’ll know that I sincerely mean it when I say to get your butt in bed, right? I made sure no one was in your room so you and Sheerow would have some peace and quiet,” Legend said, softer than Ravio had ever heard him. Ravio nodded again, placing down his teacup.

“Alright, as long as you promise you won’t leave without a goodbye in the morning,” Ravio whispered. Legend nodded and Ravio headed to his room to get some sleep.

-

“Hey, Ravio, wake up, Wild made breakfast and you gotta try it,” Legend yelled, waking Ravio up. He smiled, and followed the smell of food and the sound of his friend.

[travllingbunny]

The 100 6x13 The Blood of Sanctum

This was a rather underwhelming finale to what was probably my favorite season of The 100. That doesn’t mean it was really bad or that it ruined the season for me; no, it was just something that felt more like a midseason finale than an epic conclusion. This may be because the writers were already sure that they were getting season 7 – and may have already planned it as the last, which made season 6 something like the first part of one big, 29 episodes season, aka “Book Two”.

Out of all the storylines, only SheidMadi got resolved – as did the two-season story of Madi as the Commander, which is not history, together, apparently, with the Flame. I admit that I really did not expect the show to finally do away with this long-standing plot device. On the other hand, not only is Sheidheda still a villain who is going to cause trouble in season 7, but the main plot with the Primes and bodysnatching has not been fully concluded – because Russell Lightbourne is still alive, several of the mind drives are still in function, and there are still a lot of “devout” Prime-worshippers in Sanctum. Out of all the storylines, that was the one I expected to be fully over.

The best parts of the episode – the strongest emotional moments – all involved Clarke.  Even though Clarke suffering and losing people she loves has been done to death, the show can always count on Eliza Taylor to deliver those big emotional moments. The only problem with her scenes is that they were somewhat predictable – especially since the promo department saw fit to spoil the emotional climax in promo videos and pictures. Still, the scenes where Clarke is tempted to give in to the desire to believe that her mother is still alive, but then stays strong and smart and floats Simone in her mother’s body alongside most of the other Primes; and the climax with her confronting Madi, are really good. Sure, it’s the “Power of Love” trope, but the show knows how to do that trope well, and I liked it. It fit with the show’s themes, including the old “Love is a weakness” theme. Sheidheda was the one to repeat that mantra, but it was something we first heard from Lexa (who eventually changed her mind about it), later learned was actually a part of her Flamekeeper Titus’ teaching, and eventually learned (in season 5) that it was also a part of Gaia’s teaching to Octavia, as something that Flamekeepers generally teach Commanders. Here, Sheidheda said that Lexa told him Clarke was strong (he would have first known about Clarke through Lexa, years before Madi took the Flame), but, according to Sheidheda, Lexa was weak because of her love for Clarke, and Clarke now proved she was weak because of her love for Madi… But then Clarke proved that Love is strength by risking her life and using her love for Madi and Madi’s love for her to bring her daughter back, when she seemed fully possessed by Sheidheda.

This season was full of parallels to season 2 – which was for the long time my favorite – as a redoing, in a better way, of what happened; and the reunion scene between Clarke and Bellamy was a beautiful one with parallels and contrasts to their goodbye scene in the season 2 finale. The song and the softness and tenderness of the scene were similar to the Bellarke season 2 goodbye, and the dialogue recalled both that scene, and Clarke’s conversation with her mother, when she said “I tried to be the good guy” and got the reply “Maybe there are no good guys”. But that mindset was very damaging, to Clarke, to Abby and to everyone. And here, Clarke says she tried to do better (which irked me somewhat, because she has to know she did do the right thing – it would be absurd to think that killing Primes in self-defense is somehow wrong, or that she was in any way responsible for the mayhem Russell caused, because he’s the worst) and Bellamy assures her she did, they did. What makes more sense is that Clarke is wondering if doing better was worth it, since she lost her mother. It is the opposite of the season 2 finale, when she saved everyone she loved, but lost a part of her soul and all of her moral certainty in the process. (Even though, in the circumstances in that season finale, when the choice was between killing all the Mountain Men or letting them win and horribly murder Clarke and Bellamy and everyone they loved – Abby, Octavia, all their friends – the former was the right choice, and anyone who disagrees has to explain how lying down and saying “yes, kill us all, you superior Mount Weather people” was a better choice.) But this time, Clarke accepted Bellamy’s comforting words and hug, and is staying with her people instead of isolating herself.

But the relationship issues with Bellamy and Clarke and Echo, respectively, were put on hold– which was obviously a deliberate decision by the writers to not resolve them before the last season, and the way it has been made to work is by making the last few episodes so full of action that characters didn’t have the time to sit and talk about their feelings and relationships (especially Bellamy and Echo, who haven’t had an on-screen one-on-one scene since 6x04, and weren’t even in the position to have one since 6x08). Many of the character arcs feel like they just reached the halfway point.

The weakest part of the episode was the battle for Sanctum. Aside from some funny moments involving Murphy and a confirmation that Octavia has changed and that she and Bellamy have repaired their relationship, most of it was just action - and I’m someone who gets bored with action scenes if they don’t involve meaningful character moments and/or real stakes, which was missing. The show also missed the chance to portray the changing society of Sanctum, and the revolution/civil war that started in 6x12, in an interesting way. Instead, we just got beaten over the head with how brainwashed the “devout” Sanctumites are, which took quite a bit of screentime. It was hard to care when none of these people were characters we had met before, and were hard to relate to. What happened to the rebels who shouted “Death to Primes”? Did they just lose the battle off-screen and got captured? What happened to Delilah’s parents – the only Sanctum residents we had already gotten to know that are still alive? The show has done much more to humanize  Russell freaking Lightbourne and the Primes, which is not a bad thing in itself, than it ever did to humanize the ordinary residents of Sanctum, who remain a nebulous crowd with few individual characteristics (ironically, similar to how the Primes treat them), which just serves as the motivation for our heroes to spare/help so they would do better.

Seeing Jordan brainwashed does help somewhat understand that the people of Sanctum are not stupid and sympathize with them: if he can be so brainwashed after a few days, what chance did the Sanctumites have? They had that happen to them for years. Jordan’s new mindset after literally drinking the Kool Aid is scary and promises big problems for season 7. Remember when they said Priya was overseeing his recovery? The Primes are always proving even more evil than you thought. She and the “adjustor” seem to have somehow managed to make him transfer his feelings for Delilah to Priya – to the point that he carries a mind drive (probably Priya’s), and to make him believe in their BS mantra that their world was happy and peaceful before Earth people came (which cannot be further from the truth), when he was the first to call the Primes murderers when he discovered the truth about them in 6x05.

The mystery of the Anomaly, of course, has been established as the main plot of season 7 (no surprise there), and while I expected a Diyoza to come out of the Anomaly (I expected a younger Charmaine, but at least one person on Twitter guessed it would be her daughter Hope), the final twist with Octavia disappearing into the Anomaly did come as a surprise. But that part of the episode felt somewhat disconnected from the rest.

Other thoughts:

Indra’s story about Sheidheda’s rule of fear was a little weird – because I don’t really see how exactly his actions were that different than those that were expected from any Commander. Apparently, he butchered everyone who refused to submit to his rule. But isn’t that what Commanders generally do? We learned back in season 2 that Grounders have a strictly hierarchical society and are expected to obey their leaders. When Lincoln showed disobedience and went against an order of his Commander (going back to help Octavia in Mount Weather against Lexa’s orders), Lexa issued a kill order on him. Blood must have blood, Love is weakness – these are mantras taught to Commanders (or at least the recent ones) by their Flamekeepers. Sheidheda’s actions may have been more extreme in scale and harshness, but at the core, he was following the exact same rules he was taught. Giving anyone, especially a child, absolute power, doesn’t tend to end well.

One of the few characters who got a rounded character arc in season 6 is Gaia, who ended up choosing saving Madi over saving the Flame. Yes, it was also about destroying Sheidheda, but it was a big thing for her to decide to destroy the thing to whose worship she had dedicated her life, for the common good, to protect people and to save the life of a real, living child. But she will have an identity crisis next season and will have to decide what her life is now.

The hug between Clarke and Raven was nice but…semi-satisfactory to see: they have made up, and Raven has done better in the last few episodes, and made amends to Clarke, in a way, by saving Madi, just as Clarke did better by caring about the common good and saving everyone, again (something she had lost in season 5) rather than just people close to her.

But Raven really needs a good storyline again and a better characterization. In season 6, she was a side character who was there just to support other people’s stories. Even Gaia’s: in order for the decision whether to kill the Flame to belong to Gaia, the show had Raven ask Gaia what to do with the Flame – which was quite mind-boggling. Since when does Raven care about the Grounder religion, to the point of giving the decision to a Flamekeeper? Especially when a child’s life and everyone’s being is at stake?

Speaking about sacrificing one character’s characterization to give a cool moment/uplift another, I didn’t enjoy the way that it seemed like Octavia is now the most morally developed and Bellamy just followed her lead when she decided to help Gabriel save the people of Sanctum. As if Bellamy didn’t always care about saving people who weren’t necessarily “his people” – e.g. saving the slaves in 4x02, his insistence in season 2 that they spare the children and innocent people in Mount Weather, trying to stop Finn from killing a Grounder prisoner in season 2, trying not to get Children of Gabriel unnecessarily killed in 6x03 – when they were seen as enemies…

Layla, one of the very few non-Prime new characters we got to know, got murdered by a devout nutcase, and her death scene was spoiled in a promo… But I wasn’t even sure she was injured when I saw the promo, because the scene must be the least unconvincing killing scene ever. That little surface scratch with a knife looked like it can’t do more than just leave a little mark on her neck, for a while.

Emori and Murphy were fun to watch in their glamorous new clothes and makeup and with their ‘god” personas.

Even though he made the choice to help his friends, Murphy still wants immortality. And he is not concerned with the well-being of people he doesn’t know, which is in character for him. We’ll see if any of that comes into play in early season 7.

Does it count as Bury Your Gays when a show reveals an already dead character as gay (or possibly bisexual)? I remember that this was brought up when Lost did it with a dead recurring character in a flashback. Here it was a character we saw for just a few seconds in 6x02, who didn’t get any characterization, and has been dead for 12 episodes, and super-definitely-dead for 8 (one of the Primes, Daniel Lee).

Are Bellamy and Echo still together? Who knows. Are they still kind of technically an item just because they haven’t had any time or chance to interact in private, which would be necessary for a breakup? If they are together, why are they acting more platonic than Bellamy and Clarke? It would have been easy for the show to confirm they were still a couple: it would be obvious if they had kissed during their reunion – as Miller and Jackson did in this episode, or if they kissed at some other point (as Murphy and Emori do all the time) or had other gestures of intimacy other than the reunion bro-hug in 6x12, with Bellamy patting Echo on the back the same way he did his sister a couple of episodes back. At this point, Becho is the Schroedinger’s Ship.

Rating: 6.5/10

[bestillmyslashyheart]

Cosmic Agony

Maria groaned and grabbed at Michael’s hip sleepily as he slid from the bed.

“Just stay,” she urged quietly, her voice thick with sleep. “It’s late. You shouldn’t be driving.”

“Early morning,” Michael countered as he brushed a kiss over her temple. “If I stay here I won’t be able to drag myself out of bed to go to work.”

“You should work later shifts,” she told him as she turned over to look at him. His stomach clenched as she looked up at him, some indescribable feeling evident in her eyes. Except it wasn’t indescribable, not to Michael. He knew it well. It was the same look he had every time Alex had left him in the middle of the night. He hated that he was now doing it to Maria.

He shook his head to clear his thoughts. He tried hard not to think about Alex when he was with Maria. He rarely succeeded, though.

Michael braced himself on the bed and kissed Maria goodbye. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” It was half a statement, half a question. Even after months of this relationship, he was still unsure of where he stood, always afraid of pushing too much.

But she just nodded. Michael gave her another quick kiss and grabbed his shirt from the floor. He called a soft ‘good night’ over his shoulder as he left.

“Michael,” her quiet voice stopped him. “Are you ever going to stay the night?”

He turned around to see her sitting up, the sheet bunched up under her arms.

“Maria-”

She shook her head. “Nevermind. Sorry, forget I said anything.” She shrugged a shoulder. “You work early mornings and the bed in the trailer is too small for the two of us. I get it.”

Michael swallowed and nodded. “I’ll see if I can rearrange my schedule in the future.”

She gave him a soft smile and nodded. Michael turned and left without another word, his chest already aching from the guilt.

He hadn’t lied. Not really.

He did work a lot of early mornings and it was easier to just stay at the Airstream rather than have to get up even earlier to commute. But that didn’t mean Maria couldn’t commute to the bar, if need be. His bunk was small, true, but it could fit two people. It wasn’t as comfortable as Maria’s bed but it was more than sufficient.

He just hadn’t asked her to. And he’d brushed off every one of her subtle asks to join him.

If it was as simple as an issue of a bed, he’d work around it. But that wasn’t it and he knew it. He just couldn’t admit to it.

The headlights lit up the Airstream as he rumbled to a stop next to it. Michael half fell out of the car, his exhaustion finally catching up to him as he got closer to his bed. From there, it was only a few steps to the door and from the door it was only two steps and a full body collapse to hit the bunk.

The second his body hit the mattress, the tension he’d been carrying around all day faded away and he got a punch in the arm for his efforts.

“Sorry,” he whispered as he lay there for a moment. In a second he would sit up and strip off his shirt and jeans and boots so that he could get comfortable but for now he just soaked up the warmth and comfort of his own bed.

The mattress shifted as Alex rolled over to face away from him. Michael stared at his back and tried not to let it hurt. But it did hurt, everything about this hurt.

---

The next morning, Michael rolled out of bed at the ass crack of dawn and left Alex to wake up alone. It tore at him, leaving him sleep rumpled in his bed but it was how they worked. Alex would be long gone by the time Michael came back in for lunch and they’d never say a word about it. Not now, not during the day, and not tonight when Michael went out to the cabin and slipped into bed beside him again.

It was just how it worked.

It was awful and it hurt both of them. But at some point over the last six months or so, they’d somehow gotten to the point where they couldn’t sleep apart. Whenever they tried, one of them inevitably ended up crawling into bed with the other just to get a few minutes of blessed sleep.

They didn’t talk. They never talked. For all intents and purposes they’d been avoiding each other ever since Michael started dating Maria. It was honestly just sleeping.

If they frequently woke up from nightmares and needed the other’s comfort to get back to sleep, that was no one’s business but theirs. If things were said in the dead of night, truths let out that they couldn’t face in the light of day, they ignored it.

They were simultaneously ignoring each other and seeking each other out in their weakest moments. They were helping each other through their trauma and refusing to speak. In the midst of trying to move on, they’d never been closer.  

It was agonizing.

“Guerin!” Michael looked up at the frantic yell. His coworker Bill stood a few feet away, a wary look on his face. “I think that’s about scrap now.” He gestured at the engine Michael was supposed to be fixing. Michael followed his gaze to look at the mangled pile of metal in front of him.

Michael closed his eyes and dropped the tools in his hand as he hung his head. “I’ll fix it.”

“That can’t be fixed,” Bill argued with a slight laugh.

“I said I’ll fix it!” Michael yelled. Bill put his hands up as he stepped back. Michael watched him go before shoving the engine away from him.

This wasn’t the first time he’d lost control at work. He used to be able to let his thoughts wander while he worked but this was the third project he’d screwed up because he was thinking about Alex in as many weeks.

It was as obvious a sign as he could think of that they couldn’t go on like this. Too bad Michael didn’t know how to stop.

---

He wanted to scream. He was so goddamn tired his eyes hurt. It had been three days since he’d gotten more than a few moment’s of sleep and he was aching for it.

Michael looked down at Maria’s head on his chest and wanted more than anything to be able to fall asleep with her in his arm. They had something good going here and he wanted more of it. So what if he hadn’t been honest with her about the whole Alex thing or the alien thing or the nightmares? What did it matter that he only had one person he could be truly honest with and it wasn’t her? He wanted to make it work.  He really did.

He moved her gently until her head was resting on a pillow and slipped out of the bed. This was his third night here and Maria had loved having him, that much was obvious. She knew he wasn’t sleeping well but she seemed to have chalked it up to an unfamiliar bed and not pressed him for answers.

Michael slumped down at the kitchen table and put his head in his hands and groaned softly as he rubbed at his eyes. He had been trying to wean off of Alex, first skipping a night every now and then, then trying every other night. It hadn’t worked. No matter how many times they tried or how often they spent the night apart, it didn’t get better. A night without Alex now equaled a night without sleep.

This week had been Michael’s final attempt. He had resolved to avoid Alex for the entire week, thinking eventually sheer exhaustion would win out and he’d be able to sleep.

So far that hadn’t happened. All it had done was make him agitated and a terrible employee. He’d messed up enough jobs at the junkyard that he knew he was on the verge of being fired. On top of that, he couldn’t stay focused enough to help Liz in her lab as she tried to figure out how to bring Max back, nor did he have the patience to deal with Isobel.

He needed sleep. He needed Alex.

Michael looked through the open doorways into the bedroom. The moonlight cut through the window and illuminated the bed and Maria’s sleeping form. He could feel part of him reaching out for her, urging him to go back to bed and try again. But the far larger part of him ached for Alex.

Michael moved through the small apartment silently, gathering his clothes and throwing them on carelessly. He thought about leaving a note but decided against it. He never had before and Maria might suspect something was wrong if he did now.

How he made it all the way to Alex’s cabin, he would never know. He’d driven better on nights when he’d been tossed out of the Pony after being cut off. The closer he got, the more frequently his eyes slipped closed. It was as if his body knew he was going to Alex.

There was a form slumped in a chair on the deck when he pulled up. Michael lumbered up the stairs, his foot catching on a step as he dragged his feet. A bleery eye opened over the top of the blanket as he landed heavily on the landing.

Michael stared at Alex for a long moment, taking in the bloodshot eyes and lethargic movements as Alex tried to shove off his blanket.

“What are you doing out here?” His voice was rough from lack of sleep.

“Trying to sleep,” Alex answered. “I’ve been trying out different places to see if it worked.”

“Did it?”

Alex scoffed as he reached for his crutches. “No. Neither did the entire bottle of whiskey I drank last night.” He hauled himself to a standing position and stepped carefully over the crumpled blanket. “Bring that in, yeah?”

Michael nodded and watched with a careful eye as Alex stumbled through the front door and down the short hallway to the bedroom. He locked the door behind him and draped the blanket over the back of the couch before following Alex. When he got to the bedroom, Alex was already in bed with the blankets turned down on the opposite side. Michael quickly shed his clothing before taking the invitation and sliding in next to him.

Sleep took them both instantly.

---

It was dark when he woke up. And he was still tired.

Michael groaned when he realized that it hadn’t worked. Not even Alex could get him to sleep anymore. There was an electronic chirping. Michael tried to ignore it but when it continued, he realized it had woken him up. That and the voices coming from the living room.

“I don’t know where he is.” That was Alex.

“He just disappeared. In the middle of the night, Alex! And no one knows where he is and he’s not answering his phone.” Michael squeezed his eyes shut as he recognized Maria’s voice.

“Maria, I haven’t talked to Guerin in months. I don’t know what you want me to say.” Alex’s voice was bitter and tore at something in Michael. He hadn’t considered the damage he’d do to Alex’s relationship with Maria but it was bad. The two of them barely spoke now, and it was hard for both when they did.

“Alex,” and what the fuck was Isobel doing here, “we’re just worried.”

“I understand that,” Alex answered calmly, “but I can’t help you.”

“You’re not worried about him?” Maria almost sounded frantic. “It’s been two days!”

Michael’s eyes shot open. Two days?! He looked around for his phone but didn’t see it. The chirp came again and he looked in its direction, recognizing it now as the low battery warning on his phone.

He missed what was being said in the living room as he almost fell out of bed in his haste to grab his jeans and pull out his phone. He had 14 missed calls and a lot more messages.

It was also 7:49 PM. The next day. He’d slept for almost 40 hours.

Fuck.

Michael looked up when the door opened. Alex didn’t look at him as he came in and sat on the edge of the bed.

“Where’s my truck?”

“You parked it behind the shed.” That would explain it. He usually parked back there so as not to block the driveway. And tucked away behind the shed, it was impossible to see unless you walked around the small building. Isobel and Maria wouldn’t be able to see it from the driveway or the front door. But- “I don’t remember doing that.” He’d definitely parked in the driveway because he remembered seeing Alex sitting on the porch from his car.

Michael looked up as Alex turned to him with a slightly amused look on his face. “Kyle came by this morning and you moved it so he could park next to the house.”

Michael’s eyes widened. “I did?”

Alex nodded. “Then you came back inside and passed out again.”

Michael leaned back against the wall and let his head thump against it. “Did you sleep?”

Alex nodded, still eyeing him carefully. “I got about a full 24 hours. Missed work yesterday but I woke up this morning. I tried to get you up when Bill called but you wouldn’t budge.”

Michael groaned. This was probably the last straw. No way would he get a pass on missing two days of work without a word.

“Maria and Isobel were here.” It wasn’t a question. Except it was.

“They were looking for you. People get worried when you disappear in the middle of the night without a word and don’t answer your phone for two days.”

“They came to you?”

“I think I was their last stop.” Alex slid off the bed and settled carefully on the floor. He scooted carefully to join Michael against the wall. “I didn’t say anything because I assumed you didn’t want Maria to know.”

“I think I have to tell her.”

“Guerin-” Alex cut himself off. Michael waited for him to continue but he didn’t.

“We can’t keep going like this.” Michael’s voice was soft. “I mean that literally.”

“I know.”

“I keep fucking up at work, with Maria and Liz and Isobel. I’m angry all of the time and-”

“I know.” Alex cut him off. “We have to figure out a way to stop this.”

Michael closed his eyes. “What if we don’t?”

He felt Alex turn and stare at him but he didn’t open his eyes.

“You want to keep leaving your girlfriend in the middle of the night to come sleep with me?” Alex asked before his voice turned to ice. “Or would you prefer I move in with you two so you can go between beds at will?”

“No, Alex, fuck no.” Michael protested, turning to him. Alex had his head pressed into the wall as he looked up at the ceiling, his eyes already red. “I just meant- I don’t know. I need to break up with Maria.”

Alex choked. “Don’t do that. You two have a good thing. We’ll figure this out so you can be with her.”

“Clearly it’s not that good of a thing if I can’t even bear to sleep with her in the same bed.”

“Guerin-”

“Alex.” Michael’s voice was hard. “How would you propose we figure this out? We tried giving each other space. We tried just ignoring it. Nothing’s worked.”

“Maybe we need to talk.” Michael looked away. Alex pressed on. “I mean actually talk. Not just spill our miserable secrets in the middle of the night while coming out of a nightmare only to ignore it in the morning.”

It was quiet for a long time. Long enough that Michael’s stomach started to grumble. Alex stood up without a word and went into the kitchen. Michael rose and put on some pants before following. The two worked together in silence to make dinner, stepping around each other in the small kitchen easily until the meal was ready.

“Sometimes I can’t look at you without seeing your father. And Caulfield.” Michael admitted as picked up a fork.

Alex froze across from him. “Every time you come here from Maria’s and I can smell her perfume on you, it breaks me a little bit more. And I don’t know how much more I can take.”

The rest of the meal continued the same. It wasn’t a conversation, not really. They just took turns admitting some hard truths in between bites without once looking at each other.

“If I didn’t know you I would never have met my mother. But then I wouldn’t have had to stand aside and let her die.”

“I can’t stand the sight of your hand. It was hard enough looking at it when it was scarred but now that it’s healed it’s like that moment exists only in my nightmares.”

“I miss Max. And I am so angry at him that I hate myself for it”

“I’ve been having PTSD flashbacks since Caulfield.”

“All I’ve ever wanted to do was leave Earth and go home. But there’s no home to go to.”

“All I’ve ever wanted to do was beat my father. But I don’t know if it’s possible any more. He’s always going to be willing to go farther than I am and so he’ll win.”

None of it was new. These were the things they admitted to each other at night. These were the things that had drawn them together again and again in the first place. Because no one else knew or understood the extent of what they were dealing with and so they had turned to each other.

It wasn’t enough, they both knew that. But maybe acknowledging what was broken with each of them and between them was a place to start.

Michael helped Alex with the dishes in silence and left without a goodbye.

They both knew he’d be back later anyway.

----

Michael held up a hand against the glare of the headlights as Maria pulled into the parking lot. He pushed himself to his feet and wiped his hands on his jeans as she parked and stepped out.

“Michael!” She called, her voice still frantic though tinged with a bit of anger. “Are you okay?”

She hurried over and started scanning him with her eyes, as if she could pick out an injury he may be hiding.

“I’m fine,” he tried to assure her. She searched his eyes for a moment before nodding and shoving at his chest with both hands. It wasn’t hard but he did have to take a step back to keep his balance. Neither one of them moved to fill the space between them.

“Where the hell have you been?” The anger was more prominent in her voice now. “We’ve been worried sick!”

“Yeah I know. I got your messages.”

“Oh so you did have your phone. That’s great. You were just ignoring all of us for fun then, huh?”

Michael shook his head. “No, of course not. I-”

Maria waited for him to finish but he couldn’t form the words. “Why are you waiting here? Why not come to the Pony? Or call?”

Michael shrugged. “Knew you weren’t working so I figured I’d meet you here. Didn’t think I’d beat you, though.”

Maria’s eyes narrowed. “Beat me?”

Michael let out a breath and closed his eyes. “From Alex’s.”

“You saw Alex?” Maria’s voice rose. “When?”

“That’s where I’ve been. Since I left the other night.”

Maria’s mouth opened and closed a few times before she looked away. “You left me in the middle of the night to go to Alex?”

Michael nodded.

“Why?” Her voice shook. “You said you two were long over.”

“We are.” Michael admitted. “But I can’t seem to sleep unless it’s next to him. I’ve tried, Maria, I really have. This week I was up for three straight days without any sleep because I was trying not to go to him. I just physically couldn’t take it anymore.” He swallowed and took a step back as Maria wrapped her arms around herself. “I wasn’t ignoring you the past couple of days I’ve just been asleep. It’s like my body was catching up on all the sleepless nights recently. Alex says I woke up this morning to move my car but I don’t remember. I remember passing out on Tuesday night and then waking up to you and Isobel talking to Alex tonight.”

“He lied to us. We asked him if had seen you and he said he hadn’t heard from you in weeks.”

“He knew I hadn’t told you about the whole sleeping thing. He didn’t want to be the one to do it.”

“How long has this been going on?”

“Maria-”

“Tell me.” Maria demanded, her body losing its defensive stance, her hands clenching as her arms fell to her sides. “How much of our relationship has consisted of you leaving me to go to Alex?”

“It’s only ever been sleep, Maria.” Michael told her quietly. “I get these-” he stopped and shook his head, “there are nights when I can’t sleep and he’s the only one who understands why. I just needed someone who I didn’t have to explain it to.”

“That’s not an answer.”

“How long has it been going on? Since he got back into town. Though it didn’t get this bad until about three or four months ago. For some reason it’s gotten to the point where neither one of us can sleep more than a few minutes unless the other one is there.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Which part? The sleeping thing or the not sleeping thing or-?”

“Any of it!” Maria exclaimed. “I thought we were building something here. Something real. And now you’re telling me that you’ve kept some pretty big secrets? That there are things in your life that keep you from sleeping and you couldn’t tell me about them?” The anger started to leave Maria, leaving only hurt written on her face. “Why is that you could tell Alex these things, let Alex be the one there for you, but not me? We’re supposed to be in a relationship, Michael! You and me! Not you and Alex, because you told me that you two were done. That there was nothing there anymore.”

Michael shrugged helplessly. “He’s Alex.”

Maria crumpled. “He’s Alex,” she echoed.

“I don’t have an explanation for you, Maria. I don’t know if there is one, to be honest. It’s just- he’s Alex.” Michael tried to find the words to explain their relationship to her, explain why even though he cared about her and enjoyed being with her, it didn’t compare to how he felt about Alex. But how he felt about Alex was very complicated right now and he didn’t think there were words to accurately explain it.

Maria nodded and wiped at her tears. “When you said you two were over you failed to mention you were in love with him.”

“I know.” Michael couldn’t deny it. Loving Alex Manes was just a fact of who he was. “I’m sorry.”

Maria sniffled and nodded again. “Okay. Well, it’s late and you’re probably tired so- guess you’re going back to Alex’s?”

“I wanted this to work, Maria,” Michael told her softly. “I really did.”

“I believe you,” Maria told him. “But it never stood a chance. Not really.” She stepped to the side. “You should go. And maybe find a new bar. At least for a while.”

Michael nodded slowly and gave her a wide berth as he walked towards his car.

Behind him, Maria put a hand to her mouth to smother a sob as she hurried up the stairs to her apartment. The thud of the door closing echoed through the parking lot as Michael started up the truck and pulled out.

---

Michael didn’t bother to knock. Alex had never given him a key but by this point he no longer needed an invitation to come in. He kicked the door shut behind him and dropped the bags in his hand in the kitchen without so much as a ‘hello’ to Alex where he sat on the couch watching a movie.

After stowing the perishables in the fridge he took a quick shower, making sure to scrub thoroughly with Alex’s soap, and got dressed in some of the sweats he’d left behind in the bottom of Alex’s dresser. When he came back out, Alex hadn’t moved.

Michael grabbed the pint of Chocolate Fudge Brownie he’d brought and two spoons and settled on the couch next to him. Wordlessly, Alex untucked the blanket from around himself and draped part of it over Michael as Michael handed him one of the spoons.

They passed the ice cream back and forth silently for a few minutes, Michael trying to figure out the plot of whatever it was that Alex was watching.

“You’re not your dad.” Michael broke the silence. Alex froze next to him before deliberately relaxing and taking another bite of ice cream.  “I know you’re not, I really really do. It’s just that you’re so tied up in the worst things he’s done to me that sometimes I can’t separate you two. I’m getting better, though.” He stabbed at the pint and scooped out another bite. “This helps. He has no place in moments like this.”

They worked their way through the pint steadily.

“You’re better than him, by the way,” Michael started again, casually. “Just because he’s willing to do more terrible things than you are doesn’t mean he’s going to win. You just gotta be smarter. And we both know you are. Use your brain, Alex, not the military. Fight him on your turf, your way, instead of trying to play by his rules. That’s how he wins.”

Alex sank into him, his shoulder pressing into Michael’s chest as he leaned back. “Thank you,” he breathed.

They went back to watching the movie.

“It’s okay to be mad at Max, you know.” Alex offered after a while. “It’s okay to miss him and be mad at him. You don’t have to pick one.”

“He’s dead.” Michael said simply. “It feels wrong to hate on a dead man.”

“He healed your hand when you told him not to. He kept you from getting the answers you’ve been seeking your whole life. He shot at you.” That last part was hissed out in barely controlled anger. Michael was well aware of how Alex felt about Max shooting the vial out of his hand that night. He thumbed his hip gently. “Those are valid reasons to be angry at him. And you never really got a chance to deal with that with him. You never got a chance to have it out so of course you’re still angry. It’s okay. Doesn’t mean you miss him any less.”

Michael closed his eyes against the tears forming and leaning over to press his forehead to Alex’s hair. He didn’t say ‘thank you’. He wasn’t sure if he believed Alex just yet.

They finished off the ice cream soon after and Michael threw it away without getting up. It gave him a thrill to use his powers so casually.

“Ok what is it with this movie?” Michael finally asked.

“It’s a classic,” Alex defended.

“That doesn’t answer my question.” Alex just shrugged. “What movie is this?”

“2001: A Space Odyssey.”

Michael raised an eyebrow. Alex didn’t usually go for space movies. He opened his mouth to ask more questions but Alex cut him off.

“Just shut up and watch it. We can watch it again another time so you can see it from the beginning.”

A small smile spread across his lips. “Okay.”

Alex shuffled and pushed at Michael until he moved them into a more comfortable position.

Michael tried to watch, he did. It’s not his fault that the movie made no sense and Alex was warm and heavy on top of him.

They’d watch it again later. He could sleep through it this time.

[ohtheseboysilove]

Goodbye Westeros [ Ben Hardy x F!Reader ]

Words :  1, 400 K +

Warnings : language, fluff

Summary :  Reader and Ben watching the very last episode of Game Of Thrones. She maybe confess accidentally her feelings too.

Note : I got a bit carried away after the request of @im-themoonofyourlife and god, I had a lot of fun writting this one ! This pure fluff and praising about GOT characters. But shit I’m so sad it’s over, like daamn, how I’m gonna survive to the next mondays ? Anyway if you want to talk about GOT, just message me or slid in my dm im so frustrated uurgh. Enjoy my buddies xx

!!! DON’T WORRY IT’S SEASON 8 SPOILER FREE !!!

Masterlist & Requests

@/ none of these gifs are mine xx

You bounced nervously your leg, waiting impatiently for Ben to arrive at your place. It was monday evening and who said monday, say...Game of throne day. And tonight was the last episode ever, after ten years of following the drama of the seven kingdoms, you were sad but excited to see finally who gonna end up on the iron throne. Even if you were a bit disappointed about this season eight you were still a massive fan.

When you heard Frankie whining at the front door, you knew Ben was about to arrive, fucking finally ! He gave a copy of his keys for you to come sooner at his place as you always watched the episode at his place. He had a bigger and better t.v than yours.

“Hiya Frank’ ! How are my girls’ tonight ?” Ben’s pretty face popped in the living-room and you immediately jumped on him, tugging him by the arm to the sofa. “Someone is in a hurry” He chuckled and rubbed the dog’s back with a wide smile.

“In a hurry ? You’re two hours late !” You pouted and crossed your arms. “I fought really hard to not watch the episode without you Benny”

“Mmm, you promise you didn’t watch it ?” The blond grinned and observed your face closely. You shook your head and he pressed a deep kiss on your lips.

His warm palms slid cheekily into your jeans, pinching your ass innocently.

“Hey, not even in your dream Benjamin” You pushed him away with a smirk and sat comfortably on the sofa, grabbing the blanket. “Maybe after the episode” You winked and he rolled his eyes.

“But you’re always grumpy after the episode, especially this season babe” He whined childishly. “We all know you’re not gonna like the ending”

“True but I’m gonna watch anyway so...” You shrugged and caught the remote, looking for HBO on the t.v screen. “You’re coming or what ?” You raised the cover for Ben but he stood up with an amused smile.

“I’m starving babe, I’m gonna make myself a sandwich. Want something ?”

“Seriously Jones !” You let your head fell back against the couch in a dramatic effect, sighing deeply. “Put your pretty ass on the sofa and let watch this damn episode” You threw him a pillow when he openly laughed at your exasperation.

“Jesus woman, gimme two minutes” He disappeared behind the kitchen door and just when you were about to pressed start, he yelled “Don’t fucking dare play the generic without me !”

You grumbled childishly and waited five more minutes before Ben finally came back, two sandwiches in a plate. He plopped next to you and slipped his arm around you shoulder, putting you close to him.

“Ready ?” He nodded as he bit in his snack. “Oh my god I’m so excited !” The familiar music started echoing through the room and you smiled widely, both you and Ben humming the theme song.

Your eyes were glued to the screen, hands clasping around your boyfriend’s forearm and squeezed it when your were shocked or afraid by a scene.

“I swear if she hurt him...I’m flying to Westeros tomorrow morning and take personally good care of her” You whispered as Ben chuckled gently. He loved how intensely you were living every episode.

By half of the episode, your cheeks were wet, like every time and you were on the blond’s lap, arms wrapped around his neck as you literally drank every words escaping from the characters’ mouths.

“Hey, that’s mine ! You said you didn’t want anything” Ben growled as you shamelessly bit in the sandwich still in his hand. “You–“

“Shush, my girl Arya is speaking. Show some respect to the best female character of the show” You scoffed and kept your eyes on the screen, waiting patiently for the final outcome.

Ben mumbled something about Cersei being way more interesting but you ignored him, too busy as you tried to guess who gonna be king or queen of the seven kingdoms. As the moment came closer, you could feel Ben tensed behind you, both of you looking with wide eyes the decisive scene.

“Oh my–“ You gasped and put a hand on your mouth as you finally get to know the new ruler of Westeros. “Fuck, is this real ?” You turned to Ben who looked as surprised as you.

“Told ya you were wrong” You silently watched the remaining minutes of the episode, laughing and crying again as the end of the episode was very close. “That was, indeed, unexpected” He shook his head with a grin as the generic played on the screen.

“I can’t believe it’s over” You sniffled and scratched Frankie’s head, your mind trying to process all the informations from the last episode. “I can’t wait for the spin-offs”

Ben stretched his arms and yawned lazily, stroking affectionately your hairs. “I know babe, so weird. Monday gonna be boring again now” You nodded and snatched the remaining half-sandwich from the blond’s plate and munched ferociously in it, not sure how you were feeling about this ending.

“Anyway, now that it’s over, we can all agree and say that Jon Snow is the best character of the show” Ben added with a cheeky smile knowing very well how you would react to his words.

“I think the fuck not ! Not on my watch baby” You shook your head and punched playfully the blond’ shoulder. “He’s a good character, of course. But seriously, he was so bad written this season, what a waste” You sighed with a pout.

“She is my queen (Y/N)...” His imitation of the well-know voice of Jon snow made you giggled stupidly. “It doesn’t matter if I fucked my aunt, she got the nicest tits of the seven kingdoms”

“Oh my god, shush” You snorted and captured his lips for a sloppy, giggling kiss. “You’re terrible...and well all know the best character is Tyrion, periods” You added with a superior smile.

“Only loser think that, babe” He shook his head and you gasped dramatically, offended by his words.

“How dare you talk about-–“

“Come on, he is funny alright, I give you that. But he is just an alcoholic who think only with his cock and get bully by his whole family, you’re always love the weakest one” Ben commented with a shrug.

You knew he was doing that in purpose to annoy you and it worked every time, you were too attached at the characters to let him say some bullshits like that.

“You’re lucky I love you because you being really stupid right now” You grumbled and took a deep breath, ready to make your speech about how awesome was Tyrion. “He is not only fun, he is smart and strong and very brave, he didn’t–“

“What did you just say ?” Ben’s eyes widened and a soft smile painted his pretty face.

“What ? I said he was brave...”

“Not that silly girl, you said I’m lucky because you love me” You blushed deeply as you just noticed that you effectively let your little secret slipped out. “You’re serious, you love me ?” He asked with a giant smile, brightening all his features.

Your fingers fidgeted with the sleeve of your top and nodded timidly. “Yeah, I love you Ben” You looked shyly at him and gladly accepted his long and intense kiss, his hands immediately grabbing your hip and you sighed appreciatively at the softness of his plumpy lips. He broke the kiss when the need of air was too important and you both smiled stupidly. “You don’t have to say it back, you know” You murmured, rubbing gently your nose against his.

He rolled his eyes and pressed few pecks on your swollen kiss. “I love you too (Y/N), of course I do” You heart fluttered heavily in your chest at his words.

“Yeah ?”

“Silly girl, I did catch up the seven seasons of Game of thrones just to watch with you the last one, right ?” You chuckled slightly. “Sixty-seven hours in few months with my crazy schedule darling, I thought it was obvious I did that because I love you. I knew you would need an emotional support for this six last episodes”

“True, you’re my real knight in shinning armour, the bravest of the seven kingdoms” Ben grinned cockily, his teeth grazing gently on your lower lip.

“Bravest than Brienne of Tarth ?”

You scoffed playfully and rubbed his cheek like he was a little kid.

“It’s Ser Brienne of Tarth and please, don’t push your luck honey. She fought a bear and practically killed Sandor Clegane, she is the greatest warrior of all the time”

“Can’t argue on this one” Ben admitted and pressed his lips on your forehead. “I love you”

“And I love you too” You answered with a loving gaze. “Even if you have shitty tastes about GOT characters”

Permanent tag list : @16wiishes

[crazyrandomfucker]

Fated Twins

Chapter 7: Best birthday ever! (Or so the models think so)

Summary: What at first seems to be a normal day having lunch alone turns into a surprise party held by akumas and eventually turns into an incredible fight. In the end, the cats recive an unexpected gift from their bugs and a certain model girl sees a way to approach her crush. Thought not in that order.

___________________________________________________________

-Inside the Agreste Manor-

The Agreste twins finish their meal in absolute solitude and prepare to go to their fencing lessons. As usual, they stop before leaving and say goodbye to their father and his assistant and as usual, the only thing they get is silence. Both look down a bit and let an almost inaudible sigh as they open the doors to the mansion, not expecting to see their classmates in their front yard as they go outside. Suddenly, a big purple bubble descends revealing one of the latest akumas, who has a distinctive eye-like symbol on his chest that catches the attention of the twin models.

"He-He-Hey birthday twins. Guess what? Daddy's away so when cat's away the mice will play!" says the Bubbler. "What the- Nino? Is that you?" immediately says Adrien. "Where is Nina?" asks Adrienne. "I'm the Bubbler now, though you can call me DJ Bubbler for today dude" says the akuma. "As for my sister, she's picking up a certain busy boy and his clumsy sister that probably haven't received their invitation to come here". "Why is everyone here?" asks Adrien confused, seeing all the DJ equipment, food and decorations. "Because you, my dear friends,  are going to have the most awesome party of the century" says the Bubbler as a group of bubbles go up and explode like fireworks. "In that case, we should get in a nice outfit brother. Can you give us a moment to change and come down?" says innocently Adrienne. "Go nuts dudette" says with a grin the Bubbler.

The model girl grabs her brother by his arm and pulls him into the house, closing the doors after them. The two of them look to one another confused.

"What the hell are we supposed to do now?" says Adrien.

With a stressed growl, Plagg comes out of Adrien's shirt pocket at the same time that Plague floats out of Adrienne's bag, with a look on her face that clearly says how pissed is she.

"Okay, listen me here, why are you even doubting now? It's your birthday, so go outside and party like the teenagers you're supposed to be!" exclaims Plague. "Shouldn't we help the bugs to get rid of the akumas?" asks sheepishly Adrien. "Shildn't wi hilp thi- FOR THE LOVE OF KWAMIS KID! What are you? A baby?" says Plague. "You should go to the party kittens; it's your only chance to know how a real one looks like." says lazily Plagg. "Plagg's right thought. We don't know if we'll ever get to see a party for real. I think we could go to the party now and catch the akuma later" agrees Adrienne. "Hmmmm... Okay, why not?"

The twins rush to their respective closet and start to search among the vast amount of clothes in order to get something funkier than the plain dull clothes their father makes them wear. Adrien puts on grey jeans, a black jumper and a flashy orange T-shirt. Meanwhile, Adrienne carefully puts on Marinette's flowery hairpin and chooses a blue shirt with yellow, orange and pink lightnings with a black underlining are all over the shirt. Then she puts on grey skirt and black with white stripes stockings. She punches a wall and a pole descends to his brother bedroom, which she uses to go down instead of using the stairs. They look at each other, put on their respective shoes and laugh for a bit before they decide to finally go outside. Adrien begins to run and leaves behind his sister, who can't run because of her heels and glares at his brother for leaving her. When she finally manages to get to the door, her brother is already dancing at the music. She heads towards him in order to scold him, but notices what seems to be the akumatized Nina arriving with Marin on her arms, carrying him bridal style. A flare of jealousy momentarily burns inside her, questioning if Nina likes Marin, but everything disappears as soon as she sees the Bubblerette pointing to her and winking before sending Marin in her direction. Marin looks at her confused for a moment, but then he shakes his head and heads towards her.

"Happy birthday again" says Marin with a gentle smile. "Thanks again too" says Adrienne and giggles a bit. "I don't know if you've been told before, but you look good on those clothes. What's the special occasion?" asks innocently. "Well, I happened to have planned to attend to a friend's party after I finished my requests, but now I've been dramatically kidnapped and forced to dress well by this terrific akuma" say jokingly the boy. "Oh no, poor you. Perhaps something to eat would help you?" replies the girl gesturing to the table with food. "I'm pretty sure this akumas must have raided my parent’s bakery to gather all that food, so I'll pass. But I've got to say, you also have a nice outfit. It looks cute, but also has a funny side". "Thank you, it means a lot coming from such a great designer" says Adrienne teasingly. "Flattery, my weakest point" jokes Marin, gesturing dramatically as if he had been fatally hit. "Shush boy, I did mean that. I loved your scarf and I love your outfit. I wish I had someone like you to help me to choose what to wear, my father and his assistant have a horrible grown up taste" Marin snickers. "Well, it's a shame you can't have a personal designer to design for you and help you with clothes" jokes the designer. She brightens for a moment and quickly shakes her head. "Speaking of designers, where is Mari? I haven't seen her". Marin's eyes open wide and he looks worries for a second but tries to calm himself. "I'm sure she's either lost or coming here, don't worry. By the way, did she manage to give your brother his gifts?" "Uh... No, we had a photoshoot and had to leave, but I told her to bring them here and leave it on the mailbox. They probably are there" says the girl.

Suddenly, the music stops and everybody looks to the DJ, without noticing how Cleón Bourgeoise is quickly sent to the sky in a bubble. The Bubbler smiles at Chloe and a slow music starts to play, so everybody just gets on pairs with someone they have nearby and begins to dance with their head low. Marin looks nervous and tense but reminds himself to let Adrienne enjoy the party without worrying about what the akumas did in her behalf. Adrienne looks at Marin conflicted, wanting to caress his face, but also aching to kiss him, knowing that it would be too forward.

"Well, may I have this dance Adrienne?" says Marin, still a bit troubled. "It will be my pleasure" says Adrienne breathless and daydreaming. "I apologise in advance if I step on you, I've never danced before but I couldn’t let you be the only one without a partner, don't you think so?" "Then I'll have to teach you baker boy~" says Adrienne, booping his nose.

They hold close the other and start twirling around, Adrienne leading the way and Marin gently following her lead, always careful to make sure he doesn't step on her. He looks at her, with all of her hair glowing in the afternoon sunlight, with a smile from cheek to cheek on her faces as she enjoys that moment. Something inside him struggles, but he dismisses it as guilt for not telling her and letting her innocently enjoy the party. Unexpectedly, the music abruptly changes into something faster ad happier. Adrienne looks confused to Marin and he shrugs. They casually separate but keep dancing with the other.

-Ladybug side-

She had been observing everything for a while, specially noticing how Adrienne and Marin were interacting, as it melted her heart seeing her friend trying to woo his brother but also trying to not be too obvious. She gently smiled when the slow music started and Marin began to dance with her friend, clearly focusing on making Adrienne happy since it was her birthday. Everything was heart-warming until she saw Chloe dancing with Adrien and trying to kiss him, while the boy looked clearly uncomforted by that. Ladybug snapped and called on her Lucky Charm, which gives her a vinyl. She looks around until she spots the things, she needs to solve her problem. She begins to spin with the vinyl on her hand, and after accumulating the momentum necessary, she throws the vinyl to one of the walls, which perfectly bounces and ends up changing the music for one with a more upbeat rhythm. Satisfied, Ladybug observes how Adrien silently thanks god and quickly puts space between Chloe and him. The bubbler and the Bubblerette run to the DJ post and carefully observe everyone to find the one who changed the music. Ladybug ducks to avoid being seen, but the beep of her earrings warn her about her soon detransformation, so she makes sure to escape without being noticed and hides in an empty alley before detransforming.

"Phew, that was a close one" says Marinette catching Tikki. "Marinette..." begins Tikki. "It was an emergency Tikki" interrupts her Mari. "Sure thing. If by emergency, you mean jealousy" scolds her the kwami. "You know that after using your lucky charm, you'll only have a few minutes before transforming back to normal". "I know but I've figured out that these akumas will be threat less as long as the party comes around well" says the girl. "So I can just slip into the party and grab something for you to recharge, the recharge as soon as possible".

Marinette puts the kwami in her purse and discretely slips into the party unnoticed. She goes to the tables with food and puts some cookies on her purse, so Tikki will have something to recharge her energy. As soon as Mari turns away from the table, Alya notices her and rush to her.

"Girl, I'm so glad you are fine. You had me so worried" says Alya pulling her into a bear hug. "Alya!" exclaims Mari hugging her friend. "I'm also glad that you're okay. When I saw people floating in the air, it drove me nuts". "Well, we're both ok and that's all that matters. Although..." Alya shots a grin full of mischief to Mari. "I have good news for you. You can go and sign your beloved Adrien's gifts".

The ginger turns around and gestures Mari to follow her, but a barely perceptible annoyed cough stops Mari from making a single step. Tikki glares Mari clearly disapproving her actions, but Mari just shrugs and gives her a sheepish smile before she follows Alya.

-Marin side-

After dancing a bit more with Adrienne, Marin wishes her to have a great birthday party and makes an excuse to try to find a hiding spot to transform. Adrienne waves him goodbye with a sort of sad expression, which she quickly changes and turn to dance a bit more. While trying to find a hiding spot, he momentarily sees Adrien eating and chatting a bit, without realising the nervous expressions of his classmates. Marin shakes his head and tries to keep searching, but a familiar hand whisker him away. Alen puts his hand over his shoulder, lowering his head to whisper in his ear.

"Hey man. Nice to see you haven't floated and that stuff, but what was that with Adrienne back there?" asks Alen with a totally smug grin. "We were dancing for a bit dude, Bubblerette clearly implied that I had to dance with her" replies Marin. "Yeah. Right. You didn't look really disgusted or forced when you were dancing with her. And you totally stared at her for a solid minute with awestruck eyes" teases Alen. "I can't help but feeling that my man has a crushy crush on a certain blonde model~" "Bro, I'm not crushing on her. Yes, she's beautiful, super nice and stood on Cleón for me, but that's all. She's not the only one who fits in that description" says Marin. Alen laughs and covers his mouth dramatically. "I didn't know you felt that way about me". Marin laughs and gives him a soft punch on the shoulder. "I don't know how can you be my friend, idiot". "You know you love me dude" replies Alen.

Marin tried to reply, but someone screamed and Ivan floated away in a bubble, which made a complete mess as everybody scattered trying to hide asap. Marin took this chance to run to the gardens behind the manor and opened his bum bag.

"You should have transformed a while ago" says Tekke, without a single hint of emotion. "I know, I know. I tried to slip away and hide, but it was just one thing after another one and I haven't been able until now. So, can we please skip the lecture for later and transform?" says Marin anxiously. "Yes, you should transform before things get even worse" says Tekke.

There was something strange about his kwami that seemed to always calm Marin. Unlike Tikki, who was generally cheerful and really positive and supportive, Tekke was a bit more focused on duty, he was realistic and rarely showed any kind of emotion, being chill anytime. Nevertheless, Tekke always acted like a weird mix between a counsellor and a manager for Marin and that helped him a lot, just not like the help Tikki gave to his sister.

Marin calmed and transformed. He let his body move with the flow of the magic of his miraculous, guiding the transformation to perfectly tailor his superhero outfit as he does a sort of a dance, not to embarrassing for his mental sake. Once he's all suited up, he grabs his yoyo and climbs as quickly as he can all the way to the manor's rooftop. He ducks a bit to be more stealthy, but stays close enough to the border to be able to watch the akumas movements and intentions. He then notices how, despite being far from one another, the two teenage models rush at the same time and get inside the manor in just a blink. On one hand, he thinks that their behaviour was quite rude and selfish, leaving all of their classmates alone to face, not one, but two akumas. On the other hand, that must have made them realize the whole situation and made them feel horrible about not noticing earlier. Though, he was thinking about Adrien for the former and Adrienne for the latter, which could be a bit unfair with the boy, since Marin didn't know him fully. (All they had is that weird competivity between them, which none of them understood why the other had it)

Lordbug shakes his head fiercely to push those thoughts away and looks down to observe the akumas again. The Bubbler was threatening everyone to go back to dancing as if anything happened and better not disappoint the models. Meanwhile, the Bubblerette started to throw bubbles to the walls, which exploded when the bubbles hit them. Lordbug stands up, determined to fight and to try to hold off the akumas until his sister and the cats made an appearance. With absolute confidence, he jumps, does a flip and lands in the middle of the yard with a total superhero vibe while he proudly thinks 'Nailed it'.

-Marinette side-

Alya had left Mari all alone to sign the present while she guarded the door in case someone came unexpectedly. Meanwhile, Mari was writing in a post-it very eagerly, even drawing a cute piece of cake on the post-it and making a happy dance as she sticks the post-it into the present. She kisses the present one more time and lefts it where it was, hoping that Adrien will like the gifts. She feels Tikki's death glare in her neck, so she tells Alya to go without her. Suddenly, screams are heard across the whole manor and Marinette looks terrified how Ivan flies away, trapped in a bubble.

"I'm sorry Tikki! You were right! I should have transformed earlier!" exclaims Mari. "As much as I like to be recognised when I'm right, you should quickly transform and go face those bubbly akumas!" says Tiki, with a mix of pride and concern. "You're right. Tikki, spots on!" shouts the girl as she transforms.

Just after transforming, she sees how his brother does a flip mid-air and lands doing a superhero pose. She can't just help but rolling her eyes and thinking: 'That darn idotic brother of mine. It's embarrassing even to look'. She goes to the back of the building and swings to the fight, stepping into the DJ table's plugs and stopping he music.

"I'm sorry but the party is over!" shouts Ladybug confidently. "Why do you have to be such a hater?!" yells the Bubbler, mad as hell. "You locked up all the adults!" says Lordbug. "Children need adults!" says Ladybug. "Adults just tell children what to do and don't worry about their children, except for showing off!" yells the Bubblerette, controlling a few bubbles to attack the heroes.

-Agreste side-

When the twins saw how their akumatized friends send up Ivan in a bubble and everyone ran scared, they simultaneously rushed into the manor, closing the door behind them. Adrienne let a few tears fall from her cheeks, feeling horrible for not stopping the akuma previously and had fun when everyone was definitely not having fun and being forced to hang out. For kwamis' sake, she had even seen how Marin had been abducted but rubbed it off when she genuinely got to spend time with him. Adrien on the other hand, was blaming himself for listening to the destruction kwamis and not stopping the akumas before. But when he looked at his sister ad saw her crying, he hugged her immediately, knowing well how devastated she was feeling.

"I think we've just been complete idiots, haven't we?" asks the boy. "Everyone was making such an effort to make us happy. Oh god, now that I think about it, Marin even refused to tell me what was going on and rubbed it off with a joke" says Adrienne, still crying a bit. 'He better wasn't trying to cling to her with that, or I'm going to cataclysm his butt' thinks Adrien. "Don't worry sis, I'm sure everyone wanted us to have a happy birthday and did that. Now is our time to repay them, isn't it?" the girl cleans her tears and nods. "Yeah, it's time for the cats to make an appearance!"

The twins transformed, still doing their silly transformation dance just for the sake of anime and laughed at the other. Then they used Adrienne’s secret stairs to the roof to get in there without being noticed. They position themselves on the verge of the rooftop to observe how the things are going and they see Ladybug and Lordbug already fighting the akumas. Ladybug throws her yoyo at the Bubbler, but the Bubblerette sends a bubble to intercept the yoyo, making it bounce straight to Ladybug. Seeing this, Chat suddenly jumps to the scene, ignoring his sister telling him to wait and hits the yoyo with his baton, throwing it to the sky.

"Nice, I managed to get just in time" says Chat Noir. "Well, thanks for dropping in Chat, but I already had it under control" teases Ladybug as her yoyo falls on Chat's head and she picks it up. "See, I told you to wait and launch a surprise attack, but I guess the cat is out of the bag now" says Kitty landing next to Ladybug. The bugs roll their eyes at the pun and Kitty Noire smirks. "Anyway, how about you and I take on the Bubblerette and our siblings take on the Bubbler" says Ladybug to Chat. "If you don't mind M'Lady, I'd rather take on the Bubbler. And I'm sure my sister is eager to take care of the Bubblerette" says Chat. "Yeah, if M'Lord doesn't mind, I'd prefer to go against her rather than against the boy" says Kitty. "It's settled then" says Lordbug.

With a swing of his bubble sword, the Bubbler created thousands of red bubbles, but only some of them were thrown at Ladybug and Chat Noir. The later had to spin their weapons to create a shield-like defence that repelled all the attacks and occasionally try to sneak to take the bubble sword and breaking it, without any kind of success. Meanwhile, the Bubblerette was endlessly controlling red bubbles to sneak attack the other two heroes without any apparent success, since Kitty Noire and Lordbug seemed to be so in sync, that they had perfectly covered each other’s back. Frustrated, Bubblerette launched a massive bubble attack that made the heroes back off to where Ladybug and Chat where fighting as those also repelled their own massive endless bubbles attack. When the attack finished, the akumas grinned as Bubblerette snapped her fingers and all the bubbles turned green, twirling around the four heroes and sticking to them until the small bubbles formed two big bubbles around the heroes trapping them separately.

"Please, stop this. We know you're great people" says Kitty. "We're never going to stop! Adults are just controlling and abusive towards children! We're giving them what they deserve!" replies the Bubblerette. "Adults care about children and they only want to protect them!" says Lordbug. "Well, not all of them" mumbles bitterly Chat. "But you have to stop all of this!" "Since you four like adults so much, why don’t go and join them!" says the bubbler and he kicks with all his might the bubbles where the heroes are trapped. "Great, now how can we get out of this?" says Kitty while poking the bubble with her baton. "Can't you use cataclysm on it?" suggests Ladybug. "You could have said that three hundred feet earlier" says Chat. "I'm sorry but hurry up. We can't be trapped here forever!" replies Ladybug, receiving a suggestive eyebrow wiggle from Chat, making her eyes roll again.

The cats use their power at the same time and the bubbles pop, leaving the heroes falling from a couple of thousand feet from the ground. Ladybug takes Chat's hand and point to the Eiffel toward, he understands the message and throws his baton at the tower, getting it stuck for Ladybug to use as a safe point to hang her yoyo and swing them to land safely. On the other hand, after a cat landing on their feet joke, Lordbug grabs Kitty in a very much princess style and throws his yoyo to the Eiffel tower, managing to get it hooked to the top of the tower and pulling back to reduce their momentum and changing the direction of their fall to an inflatable castle, completely saving them of the fatal fall.

The heroes stood up and looked to the others, silently agreeing not to get caught again by the bubbles and to end things up quickly enough so Chat and Kitty had enough time to detransform. They climbed the walls of the Agreste manor and got cheered by the students in there. Upon that, the akumas got mad and bubbled everyone, sending them to the ionosphere with the adults. The heroes cry out a desperate no but are forced to recover to purse the now escaping akumas across the Parisian rooftops.

After a fast persecution, the akumas go back to the manor and pas it by to climb the Eiffel tower, throwing red little bubbles behind them that exploded whenever they got in contact with anything. The heroes bravely chased after them, dodging the bubbles as they used their weapons to catapult themselves to a higher spot on the tower. When they arrived to the middle floor, the akumas stopped climbing and began to mass produce bubbles to attack, Bubbler creating the bubbles and Bubblerette throwing them at the heroes as she swung her wand like a bat. The four heroes swing their weapons to shield themselves, but Lordbug suddenly stopped and hid behind Chat Noir to call upon his Lucky Charm. A big spanner falls to his hands and he looks around to spot the things he needs to win.

His eyes lie upon a big industrial fan with a tube that blew wind to make the fan move and he comes up with an idea. He runs to the fan and uses the spanner to unplug the tube while shouting to Chat to cover him. Chat jumps onto the now loose and crazy tube and firmly holds it and points it to the Bubblerette. When the akuma throws the next batch of bubbles to Chat Noir, the wind from the tube make them bounce back and explode in random places near the akumas, making them lose their balance. Ladybug then swings and takes the akumatized objects making use of the distraction and as soon as she lands, she breaks them in two halves.

The cursed butterflies get out of the broken items and try to fly away, but two yoyo's trap them and purify them. Ladybug and Lordbug then call upon their miraculous cure and once again, billions of magical ladybugs revolve around Paris, repairing all the damage caused by the akumas and leaving all the people imprisoned in bubbles in the ground. The rings of the cat twins’ beep and they turn to leave, but Ladybug holds them by their tails.

"Before you leave, I want to tell you that instead of patrolling tonight, make sure to meet us here at the top of the tower around half past ten. Both of you" says Ladybug and then leaves with her brother.

-At the Agreste manor-

Adrien and Adrienne eat their dinner half excited because of their later meeting with the bugs, but also half disappointed that their father wasn't eating with them or even bothered to give them presents at all. Unexpectedly, Nathalie gets to the dining room half running with a quite big bag on her hands. From the bag pulls out four packages and gives two to each twin, mentioning that those were their father's presents for them before she leaves the models alone once again.

Curious and excited, they open the presents together. Adrien gawks at his new scarf and his cool bracelet, wondering how his father could have got those awesome gifts, or even thought about it. Adrienne looked horrified at her presents, recognising exactly what she had told Nathalie to get for her on her birthday, but when she saw Adrien's presents and recognised them, she completely lost it. She stood up and quickly got to her room, locking her door so her brother couldn't see her. Adrien, confused, knock on her door.

"What happens, were your presents that bad?" asks Adrien confused and worried. "No, they were great. I just needed a moment because I didn't expect them and they just surprised me a lot" says Adrienne. "Well, then I'll leave you alone, but remember that we have to go out later" says Adrien before leaving.

Adrienne curls up in a ball and realises how, not only does her father ignore them, but also, he doesn't even bother to find something for them. Slowly, all the pieces of the puzzle clack in together and she agitates as she realises horrified that his father hadn't been buying them gifts, but instead he had made Nathalie to buy them on the last minute, probably threatening to fire her, making the poor assistant give up on her own gifts and ,this year, even having to steal the present from the Dupain-Cheng twins. She felt horrible for the poor Nathalie, who was probably under a lot of pressure every year, and for Marinette and Marin, who had spent god knows how much time crafting the presents by themselves. Then, she felt furious at his father. She decided that she had had enough and stormed into his office, leaving the man slightly perplexed.

"What are you doing here? I'm busy" says Gabriel demanding, quickly recovering his composure. "Well, I don't care if you like it or not, but you're going to listen very carefully to me" says Adrienne, showing clearly how mad she was at him. "What happens, do you perhaps dislike my present?" asks the man. "Your present? YOUR present? Listen here father. I know that you didn't othered to get us presents. I'm sure you were so busy, but those aren't yours" snaps Adrienne. "What are you implying?" "I'm telling you those aren't yours. First of all, it was Nathalie who bought them and looked for them, so they are hers, not yours" says the girl. "Secondly, this year you didn't tell her anything until today at lunch probably, because this time even she couldn’t find anything on time and had to improvise with what she got". "Oh, she did that? I'm going to have to speak to her later" says calmly Gabriel. "Oh no you don't! You can stop thinking about firing her if you don't want that I set the manor on fire at the exact same minute you fire her" says the girl angrily. "You would never do that, I raised no pyromaniacal" replies Gabriel. "You didn't even raise us! I'm done with you father! I'm done obeying you and trying to get recognition or love from you!" snaps the girl. "You never cared about us and kept on controlling every movement and thought we've been having, always worrying about your company and not about your own children! You made our friends get akumatized because you didn't even let them throw us a birthday party, despite working ourselves to exhaustion! Since mom disappeared, you've just become a control freak!" Her father looks at her, silently thinking. "I'm sorry Adrienne. I know I have never been really open to you nor to your brother, and that I'm a workaholic, but don't even think for a moment that I don't love you. I'm sorry I have become a control freak, but since your mother disappearance, I just focused on work and made sure to always keep you under vigilance. I couldn't lose you too, not after losing Emilie". "I'm sorry father, but I can't trust you anymore. I get you may want us to be safe, but this isn't life. And I'm leaving this company and this house, but not before telling Adrien everything" "Please don't. I'll fix your timetables to let you have more free time. I will let each of you request me anything and I am even going to formally apologise to your friends. I swear" says Gabriel, showing sorrow and desperation, surprising the girl. "If you're going to keep that promise, call Adrien here and we'll ask our request" says Adrienne doubting.

Gabriel immediately calls Nathalie to get Adrien to his office, worried that the girl will escape the moment he leaves the room. A few moments later, Adrien enters the room confused and his father tells him that, after a short discussion, he will fix their timetables and that he will listen to any request they have.

"I want to get along better with my classmates, so could you please organise a designing contest for my classmates to do, I don't know, anything and the winner's design gets on your next fashion show?" says Adrien. "My friends could have fun and you could even find a potential designer" "That's a very wise choice Adrien. I'm proud that you came with that idea and I will make sure that is done. Furthermore, you will wear the winning design yourself" says Gabriel pleased. "I also want to do a contest among my classmates, but for an entirely different reason. I want that the winner of the designing contest of my class will become the designer of everything I wear and gain an apprenticeship on Gabriel's. I'm tired of always wearing clothes always selected by you, I'd rather wear something more teenage-like, so the jury will be you, Nathalie and me" "Okay, I will keep my promise. Tell me, do you have anyone in mind, because you sound really confident" says Gabriel. "I do know that most of my classmates have each a unique talent. My friend who got akumatized is an excellent dancer, for example. A boy named Alex does great urban art and Matt is a genius with computers and science. So I'm confident that there will be someone whose designs you'll have to accept". "Then I'll be looking forward for those contests, perhaps everyone will gain something valuable" says Gabriel and the twins leave.

-At the top of the Eiffel tower-

The bugs are the first to arrive and hide their packages quickly so the cats will be surprised when they get the presents. They sit on the edge, swinging their feet as they waited for their feline partners and admiring the outstanding views of the so-called city of Lights all illuminated in the middle of the starry night. The cats stealthily break out their manor and leap to the nearest rooftop, beginning to run above the spectacular sight of the Parisian streets full of captivating lights. They smile and look to the other, before grinning and speeding up, racing to the tower where their dear teammates waited for them. They quickly arrive to the Eiffel tower, Adrienne winning by a whisker, and begin to climb it. Ladybug spots them and eagerly waves her hand to greet them, causing another race between the black cats. They finally get to the top and the bugs hug them.

"Um.... Not that I'm complaining or anything, but what's going on?" asks Chat confused, but very happy to hug Ladybug. "Well, Kitty told me that your birthday was this week and since we didn't know when and we met today, we've decide to celebrate it tonight!" says Lordbug. "You remembered?" asks Kitty to Ladybug very happy. "Of course I did! You two are our partners and friends, we'd never forget it" says Ladybug smiling. "Isn't it funny sis?" says Chat grinning. "A lot, maybe even ironic" answers Kitty. "What's funny" ask the bugs confused. "Well, you two certainly are the Lord and Lady of luck" says Kitty, amused by the situation. "You two perfectly spot our birthday without even knowing" says Chat as he laughed heartily. "No way" says Lordbug. "Your birthday is today?! Gosh, you had to battle an akuma on your own birthday! I'm sorry about that" says Ladybug. "Thank you for caring M'Lady, but it isn't your fault that Hawk Moth decided to evilize someone today" says Chat Noir. "That's right! Besides, how is a celebration supposed to be hold if you're worrying and apologising for something you didn't do?" says Kitty. "Right! We should be happy today sis! I know, let's give them their presents!" says Lordbug quickly. "Okay, let's surprise them!" says Ladybug, cheering up a bit. "Presents?" asks Chat, waving his tail excitedly. "That's right! It was difficult to come up with them thought, because of the whole secret identity thing" says Ladybug. "Yeah, we had a hard time thinking, but we've made sure to give you the best!" said the bug boy. "I can't wait to open them!" says Chat. "Don't you know that curiosity killed the cat minou?" teases Ladybug. "Maybe, but satisfaction brought it back!" says Kitty, moving her tail as well. "Okay, okay. I'm going for them" says Ladybug, heading to the hidden presents.

She picks up two paper bags with a familiar TS logo on them and hands them to Lordbug while she got two small boxes carefully wrapped. They get back with their partners, hiding the present behind them to tease the cats a bit, who are almost bouncing of excitement.

"Come ooooon~ Give them already!" says Kitty desperately, almost clinging on Ladybug. "Okay geez. We'll hand them over" says Ladybug giggling. "Yaaaay" says Chat. "Okay, first, we've brought you some pastries from the best bakery in Paris" says Lordbug, handing the paper bags to the cats. "Great! Their croissants are the best!" says Chat opening his bag. "I can't wait to taste the... Are these black and green macarons?! And there are cookies!" "Cookies?!" asks surprised Kitty as she opens her bag. "There's also a little cupcake with our faces! I love it!" "If we had known you were going to like it this much, we'd had prepared bigger bags" says Lordbug smiling. "Well, we have a very strict diet, so it's been ages since we had a treat. Luckily our friends also gave us a bag with croissants" says Chat. "And here I was wondering why the favourite cats of Paris were so skinny" says Ladybug teasing. "I guess we'll have to feed our kittens brother". "Yeah, I don't think their diet considers superhero duty" agrees Lordbug, at which the cats make a victory gesture. "If you liked that so much, wait to see what we requested to some of our friends to make" says Ladybug before giving them the boxes. "You've requested this to your friends? How? Wouldn't that be bad for the secret identity?" asks Chat. "You see" says Lordbug, rubbing his neck awkwardly. "They had discovered us. Apparently, it's painfully obvious who we are, thought they are the only ones who know. But they have promised to keep the secret and to do their best to avoid akumatization, and they are really trustworthy". "What? But you two were the most careful about this!" says Kitty. "I know right? They say that we've been friends for so long, that they simply recognised us" says Ladybug, praying that the cats would buy the lie. "Sharp friends you have there, maybe they could help us when we have clues about Hawk Moth" says Chat Noir. "No way, that would put them in danger, more than the one they already are in" says Lordbug. "Anyway, shouldn’t you open your presents? I thought you were excited about them" says Ladybug, smoothly changing the topic. "Sorry, we were so surprised that we forgot" says Kitty. "Let's see what's in here..." the cats open the boxes at the same time and pull out a small round pillow that had a ladybug in one face and a green-eyed black cat in the other. "Awesome! Your friends did this? They are really talented!" says Chat astonished yet joyful. "Who are they?" "Wouldn't you like to know kitty, so you can go and ask them who we are" says Ladybug booping Chat. "Well, I'd recognise this handicraft anywhere, so I already know. Let me guess, they are twins, a boy and a girl" says Kitty with a smug grin. "How did you know it?" says Lordbug surprised. "Well, I happen to know them and I absolutely love them, they are so sweet and kind, am I right?" "Yes" sighed Ladybug. "I knew it was a bad idea to make them craft it". "Who are they?" asks Chat confused. "I won't tell you until you learn to appreciate your surroundings better. If you payed attention to people you'd know" scolds him Kitty. "Can I talk to you for a moment Kitty?" says Ladybug. The girls go to a lower floor of the tower and sit down. "What happens m'Lady?" asks Kitty. "I just wanted to make sure of it. Who are you thinking on?" asks Ladybug warily. "Well, this is clearly something made by the Dupain-Cheng twins, isn't it? They're the best designers I know" says Kitty. "Indeed, it's from Marin and Marinette. Can you please not tell Chat? Moreover, it'd be better if my brother and I didn't know what's your relationship with them, we'd probably turn paranoid and start searching around them" asks Ladybug worried. Kitty laughs. "I bet it'd be funny to see you two doing that. But don't worry, my lips are sealed". "Thanks a lot Kitty" says Ladybug. "Well, you got me something made by the boy I like, so I guess it's just fair" says Kitty smiling at the pillow. "You like Marin? Oh no... Mari already promised someone else to help her... Well, I'll cheer you both regardless, may the best blonde win his heart no?" "Totally, but I don't think I have to worry much about the other girl, at least, my gut says so" says Kitty looking at her stomach. "Well then, we should return before Chat manages to convince my brother to tell him" jokes Ladybug. "Yeah, we should".

-In front of the school-

The reporter twins and the designers where chatting before going to school as always and the Lahiffe siblings were waiting for the models to come. They all heard how Chlóe scolded Cléon, Sabrina and Sebastián for not making sure to click the fast delivery option and saw how she went inside completely mad with the others following her. Then, the Agreste limousine arrives and Adrien and Adrienne come out wearing a big smile on their face as well as the Dupain-Cheng presents.

"Hey guys, hi girls" say Adrien and Adrienne. "Aren't those your presents?" whispers Alen. "Yeah that's my scarf. He's wearing my scarf!" whispers Mari. "Yo, nice scarf Adrien. It's a nice change" says Alya. "Yeah, can you believe that my father gave it to me after getting us a pen for three birthdays in a row? It's still an awesome scarf" says Adrien. "Wow, I guess anyone can change and be cool when you least expect it" comments Nino. "But that is-" tries to say Marin but Mari interrupts him by hitting him in the stomach with her elbow. "Don't mind him. H-He just wanted to compliment that nice bracelet and pinhair- I mean- Hairpin! F-for sure" says Mari quickly. "Thanks, I loved the hairpin Mari" says Adrienne smiling. "Wait, you did that hairpin? It's impressive and really amazing of you to be so skilled Marinette" says Adrien, wondering why only had his sister received gifts from the Dupain-Cheng. "She is, and the scarf was knot by Marin also" says Adrienne desperate to make his brother realize the fact that those are the designers they were talking about last night. "Oh, well done I guess" says Adrien momentarily squinting his eyes at Marin, before turning to the Lahiffe. "Hey Nino, Nina, I'm sorry about my father yesterday". "Hey buddy, don't worry about it. It wasn't your fault and we can't blame you for how your pops behaved. We're best buddies aren't we?" asks Nino as he and Adrien head inside. "Girl, you've got to tell him you're the one who knitted the scarf" says Alya. "Why didn't you told him?" asks Alen. "I know... I just saw how happy he was thinking his father had made it and could bring myself to break his happiness" says Marinette sheepishly. "Girl... You have a heart of gold" says Alya hugging her. "I still think you shouldn't have hit me, now my stomach will be weird for the day" complains Marin rubbing his belly. "I'm sorry about that Marin, do you need a pain-killer or something?" asks Adrienne worried. "I doubt it, our dear Marin here is tough as baked dough" says Nina. "That was horrible" says Marin. "By the way guys, I'm sorry about what happened with your gifts. I've secretly talked to my father and you'll be having a great opportunity as an apology really soon" says Adrienne mysteriously.

The bell rings and they all head inside to their respective classroom, ready to start a new day.

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