#i do hope you guys know that i deeply appreciate every single one of them

[stormyoceans]

YA GIRL MANAGED TO SURVIVE THIS HELLISH DAY AND IS GONNA BE HOME TOMORROW TO WATCH LAST TWILIGHT LIVE

[mykoreanlove]

Fake date me please?

How Felix and you ended up fake-dating

Ever since you uploaded a new picture to your socials, your phone wouldn’t stop ringing. Every notification made your stomach turn, each one was more venomous than the next.

Y/N is such an ugly bitch!!!! How many filters did you put on this? No wonder no guy wants to date her – look at her.

You didn’t mind the insults about your looks or how you chose to express yourself but the point about you being unloved stung badly. It was true – you had a shitty record when it came to love. No guy you had ever truly liked, wanted to be with you. You were always the odd one, the one no one considered as girlfriend material.

Sadly, the bullying didn’t stop online. A couple of girls you had classes with appeared next to you, pointing their fingers at you, whispering, and laughing.

“Jesus, look at that disgusting cow. I wouldn’t touch her if you paid me to!”

They all broke into laughter, feeling their best while you felt your worst. You focused on the hot cup of coffee in your hands, trying your best not to break down in front of everyone as you felt a hand on your shoulder.

“Sorry lovebug, did you wait long for me?”

You looked into the most beautiful brown eyes you had ever seen. Blonde curls framed his face while heart-shaped lips smiled at you sweetly.

Felix, one of the most beloved guys on campus, stood right in front of you, calling you lovebug.

Or did you hear that wrong?

“Classes ran late but I’m here now. You look so beautiful today, baby.”

Nope, you heard that right.

“What is that bitch doing with Felix?”, the girls whispered in agony. “Did he call her baby? Seriously?”

Jealousy was written all over their faces, that at least made you feel better.

Felix sat down next to you, as the bullies left the café. You exhaled deeply, trying to let go of the stress you felt in your body.

“I hope I didn’t cross a line, but I couldn’t stand seeing them doing this to you.”

Your eyes started to tear up – no one had shown you this much kindness in ages.

“No, no, no. Thank you, Felix. I really appreciate it”, you hastily replied.

He frowned in amusement. “You know who I am?”

Was he joking? Everybody knew who he was. Girls on campus would murder to be with him. But you couldn’t be one of them, you wouldn’t dare to be one of them.

“Yeah, we have English lit together.”

His eyes widened in surprise. “We do? Shit, I should start paying attention more.”

You stuck your hand out laughing. “Y/N. Nice to meet you, Felix.”

You chatted for a while about this and that, but Felix needed to know more about your life.

“Does this happen often?”

You looked down embarrassed, explaining your misery to him. “I see”, he nodded understandingly.

“Hey, I got an idea. Why don’t I be your boyfriend?”

You choked on your drink.

“What?”

He smiled reassuringly.

“Yeah, let’s teach those brats a lesson. They bully you for being single? Fine, date me then!”

He saw the bewilderment in your eyes and tried to explain himself more.

“It’s like a fake relationship, y/n. This way, they let you live your life peacefully and I can teach them a lesson on kindness.”

“Are you… are you serious?”

Felix packed both of your stuff into his brown leather bag while flashing you his most charming smile.

“Come on. Let’s go on a date!”

___________

part 2 part 3

[gadriezmannsgirl]

Since Always, 'Till Forever -P.G

I really, really hope you guys like this! What started as a One Shot ended up being kind of like a mini series, I'm truly happy for all the feedback these fics have gotten. Thank you so much for the support, it means a lot! Please, tell me what you guys think of this, I would love to see your comments! (Let's pretend I didn't took a month and something to pull this out, 'kay? cool) FEEDBACK IS HIGHLY APPRECIATED

You can read the first part Since Forever, and the second part Until Forever

Warnings: Lots of angst, heartbreaks, fights, some fluff at a certain point, suggestive content, this is a roller coaster of emotions to be honest🥴, lots of swear words

Summary: You and Pablo know you've been for each other Since Forever and you also know, you'll be there Until Forever because no one has what you both have.

May, 2023

“Gavira!” You yelled turning around with a smile on “I have a knife in my hand and I’m not afraid to use it!”

“¡Joder! I’m so scared”

“As you should, señorito!” You said trying to sound intimidating “I’m dangerous”

“Oh yes, yeah” Gavi nodded “You so are” He went along with you

“I really am!” You exclaimed dropping the act, pouting a bit

Pablo felt his insides twist seeing your lower lip pulled out like that; he wanted to grab it in between with his lips and never let it go. He wanted to taste it, feel their warm and their delicate texture.

It has been six months since he realized his feelings for you and four since he lived one of his nightmares.

After your guys talk during the Supercopa, you’ve been trying to reconnect from the moment your guys distanced, minus the feelings part from your side of course. It had been five months since you started dating Samuel and they were one of the best five months ever in your life.

He knew how to treat you, he knew when to act and when to step aside, he knew when to listen and when to talk, he never pushed you or your feelings away, you were his first priority and everyone could see the fact that he was deeply into you.

You hadn’t said this to anybody but Pedri, Samuel had already said his “I love you” to you and you felt guilty because you still couldn’t say it back, even though you were slowly falling into Samuel’s arms. You liked to think you were getting there, there were times were the three words almost escaped your mouth but you retracted them every single time, saving them up for “a better moment”.

Samuel was really cooperative and understanding, you loved him for it. Everytime he said it he whispered a little “It’s okay, you don’t have to say it back now. I’ll make my way into your heart, bonita”. And that was enough for you to start trying for Samuel again.

Meanwhile Pablo had to stand at the sides and watch you be in another guy’s arms, that weren’t his.

He kicked himself everyday for not noticing it earlier; maybe, if he had, he would be the one to hold you close to him, kiss you, cuddle you and do everything else with you and mostly when approximately two months ago he saw a hickey on your neck while being at his.

“You’ve a…” He took a deep breath pushing all those thoughts and mostly jealousy away

“A…?” He pointed a place in his neck as you seconds later groaned “I told him not to! I don’t like hickeys in my neck!” You exclaimed a bit head thrown back giving Pablo a better view of it, he sighed deeply “I still have my foundation here, right? I’m gonna go and cover it up”

He felt everything explode inside of him when he saw that mark, a reminder that you weren’t his. He, on the other side, loved the fact you went to cover it up.

Pablo didn’t like to address his feelings though; the only ones who knew about his love towards you were his sister and Pedri who found out in the most ridiculous way a few weeks back.

The Canario and the Sevillano were out of training, Pedri riding as Pablo was on the passenger seat like always, the youngest one was on his phone watching his Instagram when you came across his screen and he couldn’t help but click it, you had published an story of Samuel with you at Uni and bringing you, a big bouquet of your favorite flowers ‘Estas si que son unas lindas motivaciones para querer estudiar’and there was another one that showed a card with what Pablo could imagine was the guy’s handwriting. Even Samuel’s handwriting was better.

It had your name written and you put a little caption ‘Smash it in your presentation, he said<;3’ Pablo groaned rolling his eyes inevitably making the oldest one look at him in curiosity

“Something’s wrong?”

“Samuel Carnevale is what’s wrong”

“You don’t like him? He’s a nice guy and he likes Y/N”

“That’s why I don’t like him” Pablo let out not fully remembering his feelings for his best friend weren’t public

“Why don’t you like him?” Pablo shook his head

“I just don’t like him”

Pedri was silent for a few minutes until they stopped at a red light “Do you like Y/N?” Pablo’s eyes didn’t met Pedri’s but instead looked down at his phone where he had a pic of you two as his background  “You like her”

“Actually, I love her” Pablo corrected

“WHAT?! WHY-?!”

“It was during the World Cup, she wasn’t really talking to me and I didn’t wanted to tell her over text” Pablo said immediately

“…Eres un tonto”

“Well, thank you”

“She had waited for you to notice that for the longest time and now when she’s moving on you’re going to pull her that shitty move?”

“I won’t pull any kind of move on anybody. I’ll let her be happy with Samuel” Pablo shook his head “I know I’ve fucked up but I’ll wait for her” Pablo said “That’s the only thing I can do right now, no matter how much it hurts me”

“Well, felicitaciones por ser el último idiota que se dio cuenta que la amabas. Can I say I told you so?”

Pablo sighed shaking his head “You don’t need to. I’ve been telling myself those four words ever since I realized my feelings and didn’t acted on them straight away”

“She cried so much” Pablo nodded

“I know she did” Pablo’s eyebrows got in their usual place “That’s why I’ll let her be happy with him for how long they be together even if it kills me,  if they break up and if she still wants me, shoot my shot”

“I can wish you good luck on that, we both know how Y/N is when she falls in love”

Pablo groaned knowing that if his best friend truly loved someone, it wasn’t that easy to make it go away and that’s what he held a little hope on to. For you to still love him. To give him a chance.

“You truly are; mi niña” Pablo said nodding smiling at you

“You better say that because I have pickles that I can easily put on your sandwich”

“You’re crossing a line over there, young lady” You laughed throwing a slice of onion at him “No! I don’t want to smell like onion!”

“You’d be a cute little and smelly angry onion!” You smiled at him and no matter how much he wanted to try and keep his serious face; he slowly erupted in a smile. He didn’t know how he couldn’t have realized his feelings sooner. He wanted to smash his head against every surface possible

“Es que no puedo contigo” Pablo said shaking his head as you threw another slice at him “¡Hostias, Y/N, parale!” Your laugh told him it was worth smell like onion just to hear that angelic sound and see the happiness on your face

He’ll do anything to keep that smile forever, but just when he thought nothing could ever make you guys separate, your phone started ringing as he saw the ID, he felt his heart fall to the floor.

You instantly reached out for your phone and shooting Pablo a small smile you left the kitchen to attend the call. He felt another tug of his chest and sighed.

Two weeks later

Pablo was deeply asleep when he felt his hand vibrate; he furrowed his eyebrows and opened his eyes to see what was happening. His phone was in his hands and he remembered falling asleep with it while talking to you. The brightness of it, blinded him for a few seconds

“Joder”

 He cursed out taking his other hand to his eyes rubbing the sleep away for a bit but it was only needed to see your name across his phone to make him snap out of it

“Hello” He picked up

“Hey” He heard your voice “Can I come over?”

“Sure, something’s wrong?”

“No… I just- I had a fight with Samuel nothing too much but I don’t feel like being alone” You said “I… I’m sorry, I know you have early training tomorrow I shouldn’t have called but-”

“No” Pablo cut you off shaking his head “Don’t worry about it, Y/N/N. I’m here, always will be” A bit of silence overpowered the line for a few seconds “I’m waiting for you”

“I’m already on my way, Pablito” You said softly. When you came to Pablo’s house, you immediately grabbed him and hugged him

“Are you okay?” You nod

“I just… Feel weird” You spoke as Pablo carried you both towards his couch, you on top of him cuddling

“Did he touched you?” Pablo pulled away from you

“No! No! God no! He wouldn’t be talking nor walking if he had!” You shook your head and that eased Gavi for a bit

“What’s wrong then?”

“I just… This isn’t the first time we fight during this week and I don’t know everytime it ends I feel with this need of being anywhere but close to him, he makes me so angry and for the stupid little things ever”

“Why are you fighting?”

“He’s been stressed about his final project at Uni” You said shaking your head “And gosh, everything irritates him! I breathe and he’s off, my phone goes off and he goes off too, Aladdin barks and he goes off, Wifi doesn’t work and he goes off! Everything pisses him off and it’s making me so angry because whenever I’m stressed, I don’t yell at anyone! I just go to the gym to the punching bag and discharge my everything there” You put your hands on your face and yell into them “And I just can’t stand him right now, like… He told me I was absolutely mad! God, he’s gorgeous, so pretty, beautiful but so irritating” Pablo’s eyebrows went up when he heard the adjectives “And sorry for coming here to bother you with my problems. You shouldn’t even be awake in the middle of the night but still here you are” You put your head in the middle of his chest

“It seems like not everything is pink and roses” You punch him lightly making him laugh

“I know not everything it’s pink and roses” You sigh sitting up, making Gavi grab your waist and get comfortable with his head on the armrest “I just think that he’s overreacting, I saw his thesis and it’s too damn amazing, it’s normal that he stresses out, I do that as well but I don’t go around the world screaming at something or someone because I can’t find this correct word to describe something or something like that” You said “I didn’t feel like staying tonight with him” You shook your head “And that’s how I’m here” You looked down at Gavi and find him smiling lightly at you “What?” You asked softly eyebrows scrunched up

Gavi took one of his hands up to your forehead and gave it the same light touches you give his to make his frown go away, the action made you smile widely

“You’re not pretty with your forehead scrunched up, that’s my thing” You laughed lightly

“Sorry” You shook your head, Gavi’s hand coming back to your waist “I’m just irritated, annoyed, mad”

“And that’s okay” He said “I hope everything turns out okay for you, Y/N/N. And I also hope Samuel gets his job done in peace”

“That makes us two” You both laughed

“I can understand him” You hum

“And so can I” You say “It’s his thesis, it’s his final college project” You shrug your shoulders “I guess I’ll be that way when I’m doing mine”

“God bless the poor man who’s with you in those times” You laughed together

“I’m not that bad”

“Yes, keep telling yourself that honey” He said and you laughed “What about we watch your favorite movie to help you distress and everything else?”

“Wall-e?” You asked

“And ice cream, I bought your favorite one” You got off of Pablo and jogged towards the kitchen “Bring me one too, please!”

“NO, THEY’RE MINE!” He heard you yell

Your mood instantly changed. You weren’t grumpy anymore and all it took Gavi was less than ten minutes for you to rant about your fight with your boyfriend, hear you out, be there for you and buy you your favorite Ice cream. It was something magical.

Gavi often didn’t liked being woken up at midnight hours but for you he would stay awake the whole night if he needed to, just to help you and make sure you were okay. That night, you both fell asleep in each other’s arms laid out in his couch. He swears he had never slept better in his whole life.

Soon, it became a little routine; whenever you fight with Samuel, you call your best friend, go to Pablo’s to calm down as he comforted you and fall asleep with him either on his couch, his bed, the floor, everywhere

Today was no different, two months had passed and you were once more laid on his bed with Pablo next to you, legs up to the wall

“SHE WAS TOTALLY FLIRTING WITH HIM, RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FUCKING FACE!” You groaned covering your face with your hands “He had the audacity to say she’s just an ex, like what the fucking-?!”

“Tio, uno nunca debe decir eso” Pablo shook his head, showing disagreement with Samuel’s words

“I know, right? He told me I was overreacting, that I was being dramatic because he was dating me not her! That he loves me and not her… BUT YOU AREN’T FUCKING BESTIES WITH YOUR EX!” You yelled out angry, silence flowed the room as you took your hands off of your face “But you know what? I’m not going to just stand there, get hurt and watch; if he wants to spend his time with someone else, then I will do the same thing!”

“Yeah? Who are you gonna flirt with? Me?” You huff rolling your eyes

“Please, don’t flatter yourself that much”

“I’m gorgeous”

“And that’s why you have a bunch of thirteen years old girl fangirling over you in TikTok. If they met you, I’m pretty sure their crushes would vanish in a single second” You looked at him noticing a light pout on his lips and his eyebrows scrunched up, you laughed

“I’m lovely” You laughed agreeing

“You are. You are also pretty, Pabs; don’t worry about it” He smiled lightly

“Anyway… He knows all of your male friends are just that, friends”

“I don’t know I’m gonna go to a fucking pub and see if there’s anyone interested in me. Which would be a bit difficult but I can try”

“Why would that be difficult?”

“I’m not every guy’s type of girl, Pablo” He hums turning his face to watch you

“You’re right. Not every boy wants an amazing girl like you, just real man who knows what he wants” His words softened your face and heart.

For the first time since the starts of your relationship with  Samuel you had buried and tried to get the rid off your feelings for Pablo but right now, you had started feeling the same funny feeling you had done for a whole four years. You had succeeded until now. You smiled at him, without showing your teeth

“Thank you” You said as he smiled back

“You don’t have to thank me, Y/N/N”

You looked away from him, watching your socked-clothed feet; you put your feet on top of his, your body closer as he welcomed you in his arms. Your head on his shoulder as he softly pushed his on top of yours, staying in silence for the rest of the evening, no more words were needed to say.

You were saying everything and at the same time nothing.

…

“Will you be at my presentation?” You asked sitting in front of Pablo during his lunch break, both of you eating

“Yes” He said mid-chewing “Es mañana, ¿verdad?” You nod furrowing your eyebrows “¿Qué pasa?”

“Don’t talk while eating, it’s rude and you look gross”

“You’ve seen me worse” Pablo shrugged his shoulders “¿Me recuerdas la hora?” He asked as you took a sip of his cholocate milk

“9:30”

“I’ll be there at 9” You smiled

“You’re allowed to be a little late”

“I won’t” He reassured you with a smile “Need to always be there for my best and favorite girl”

“I’m your only, favorite and best girl” You push your eyebrows up

“That you are” He nodded high fiving you “Do I have to dress fancy?”

“Not that much but you can’t exactly appear in hoodies and cargos”

“Joder” He cursed out a bit making you laugh “Now, you’ll make me go shopping”

“¡Mentiroso! You’ve nice going-out clothes” He lifted his eyebrows

“I’ll see what I can do then” You smiled at each other

“¡Chicos, estamos listos!” Both of them snapped their heads at Xavi’s voice

“See you tomorrow then, Páez” You smiled getting up leaning over him to kiss his cheek and hug him by the shoulders

“See you later” He corrected grabbing you by the hands and not letting you get away from him

“What’s up?” You asked he pouted his lips a bit letting you know he wanted to give you a kiss. You smiled and putted your cheek on the front of his face; soon you felt his lips collide with your skin repeatedly, you giggled pushing him away

“Your kisses are wet” You whipped his saliva of your cheek

“No, you kept moving around, I couldn’t kiss you properly”

“Tonto” You pushed his face away laughing “See you later then” You pronounced heavily the later making him smile

You left the training grounds as Pedri, Ansu and Balde joined Pablo

“You are a goner for her” Ansu said as Pablo sighed nodding

“Yes, I am” He soon felt Pedri’s hands on his shoulders

“Venga, Pablito. We need to keep training”

Your leg was going up and down quickly as you received the news, you instantly had grabbed your teammate point and read it, whilst trying to remember yours at the same time; you were freaking nervous, everything seemed just wrong for you at that time and you wanted to be curled up in your bed, relaxed, crying and watching any kind of series. Everything was better than feeling this way.

A voice distracted you from your doings “¡Pero mira que preciosa estás!” Pablo exclaimed after seeing you with your group, you looked for his voice and immediately smiled seeing him walk over to you, your nerves easing a little bit.

“¡Y tú estás muy lindo! Extremely handsome” You said hugging him tightly; he kissed your cheek several times “I told you, you had nice out-going clothes” You felt him laugh against you before separating himself from you lightly. His hands still on your waist as yours rested on his biceps

 “All done to smash it?” Your smile fell and shook your head

“I have less than an hour to learn one of my teammate’s points, she couldn’t come and the professor’s want all the information” You started talking quickly, you started waving your hands a bit “I-I” You shook your head “I don’t think I can make it, like… I barely know mine” You laughed nervous “And Samuel is supposed to come with the empanaditas for the judges but I haven’t been able to reach out for him in the whole morning, the guys are getting impatient and I don’t have any more excuses as to why he isn’t here already” You took a deep breath feeling Pablo grab your hands “I’m not ready, I’ll not make it” You shook your head “I wanna leave, I wanna cry and throw up to be honest”

“Hey, hey” He said repeatedly “Where’s your mom?” He asked

“Already inside, so is dad and so are my brothers” You said

“And where are those empandas?”

“In my house”

“Ok, I have my key with me” He said nodding “I’ll go look for them, bring them back here and see you smash that thing, you meanwhile get pretty, don’t cry and read that fuckers teammate point”

“Pablo, no! Once you are in, you can’t come out!”

“You forgot I’m Barca’s golden boy, I’ll use everything I have and own but you’ll have me and those empanadas watching you and being proud of you, mi niña” He kissed your cheek quickly “I’ll go!”

He left you with your mouth full of words, after you didn’t see him, smiled widely.

He is the golden boy and when he wants something, he gets it, you couldn’t help but looked at your watch 9.05am; you sighed mentally hoping for him to get back in 25minutes, but as time went by, there was no signal of Pablo.

Your teammates were already in line to enter, you were last seeing as you were the one who closed the presentation and answered the questions, you sighed 9.30 and Pablo hadn’t make it. You were shaking, tears pooling in your eyes the words on the paper weren’t clear as they were before.

“¡Mi niña!” You heard his voice and turned around, Pablo was there jogging up to you. You sighed once more, this time in relief and ran not caring of your heels up to him

“You made it” You whispered feeling some tears roll down on your face

“Of course I did” He whispered “Had Pedri to drive me around, probably made him break a few laws, have to pay him those too” You laughed letting go of him “Hey, no. Don’t cry”

“It’s just too much” Pablo carefully, not wanting to ruin your makeup, wiped your tears away “Thank you” He smiled kissing your cheek

“No problem at all”

“No, really. Thank you. You have saved my ass once more” You grabbed the plastic bag full of the empanaditas “But, you have to get inside there, right now or you won’t be able to get in during the next forty seconds”

“Forty seconds leaves me time to do something…” He grabbed your hands “Smash it like you always have done, Y/N. Whatever happens I’m proud of you and I know you’ve worked so hard for this. You got it” You nod “Stop crying, that doesn’t make you look as pretty as you truly are” You laughed lightly “You can even give me the paper so if you forget about something, you can rely on me, I will pay attention to the words” You laugh once more giving him the paper

“And don’t fucking care about him. You’ve got your family in there… And you’ve got me, since always and ‘till forever”You smiled nodding, his arms wrapped around you “Te quiero y sé que esto no es nada comparado con lo que tú puedes hacer, guarda esos nervios para el platillo de verdad” You laughed feeling him tighten his arms around you, joining your foreheads

“I will do”

“You’re the fucking boss, mi niña. Smash it” One of your teammates called you signaling you it was time, you felt Pablo kiss your cheek

“Go” You said separating from him; he smiled jogging to the forum “Martín!” He turned around “¡Te quiero!” He smiled blowing you a kiss before entering.

Your eyes never left his while waiting your turn; both of you smiling at each other and when it was your time, your eyes searched his whenever you thought you’d forget something but you didn’t.

You managed your way, walking slowly from a place to the other showing confidence, supporting yourself onto your guys material and even cracked a few jokes along the way that made the judges and the entire audience laugh, you spoke with a smile on your face and a radiant light on your aura. You answered all the team questions with ease, as if someone had asked you, what’s your favorite food, Pablo’s heart swelled with proud watching you smash your presentation even though, you were crying a few minutes before that.

“Congratulations!” You hugged your family with a big smile on after you were out, your brothers had a little card with your name in it and cheering you on, you laughed at their silliness 

“Where’s Pablo?” You asked curious after hugging your family when you felt an arm wrap around your waist and lift you up in the air turning you around

“Pablo’s here!” He said after putting you down, you laughed turning to face him

“You’re crazy!”

“You love me like that!”

“Why did you left?” He smiled pulling out from his back his other arm; a bouquet of your favorite flowers were in front of you. You laughed feeling tears come up to your eyes “You didn’t have to” You whispered shaking your head with a smile on and accepting the flowers

“I know I didn’t. But I wanted to” He said with a loving smile “You deserve this and more though” Pablo smiled pulling both of his arms around you to keep you close to him “If it was for me, I would gifted you something more extravagant” You laughed “…But I know you like simple things”

“Simple things are the best” You replied

“They are” He agrees “But you deserve to be spoiled too” You shake your head “Stop crying” He shaked you a bit

“They’re happy tears, I swear” He with the pad of his thumbs, wiped your tears “Thank you”

“Don’t” He shook his head lightly “Don’t thank me. I will do anything for you in a heartbeat, Y/N/N” You smiled “Don’t let anyone ruin this big day for you, especially him” Pablo whispered as your smile slowly fell

“He’s good” You said “He loves me and he must have a good reason for not showing up today”

“If he doesn’t prioritizes you then he’s not good”

You looked down at the flowers, sighing. “He has to have a really good reason, he has never forgot something when it comes to me and much less something big as this is” You shrugged your shoulders. You truly hoped he had a good reason.

Even though, Pablo and your family had taken you out to eat, tried to lift your mood and got you to laugh sometimes, you were constantly checking on your phone to see if there were any messages of him. Nothing.

You thought you did a good job at hiding it but Pablo had read you completely. He sighed sadly. He was serious and he meant it when he said you deserved everything and better.

Your mood that day was halfway ruined. You wished you had all of your loved ones with you but Samuel was missing and the worst of everything it was that he never texted you that night to come up with some excuse, it broke your heart and for the first time in your entire relationship with him, you cried yourself to sleep.

You never liked the feeling of being forgotten ever since your parents confused their picking you up time you felt so bad, you started crying and crying, that much you had to sleep with them that night, you only had felt that way twice times in your whole life. And you never liked it. Three, now. Counting Samuel’s.

You woke up next day with a strong headache, ten messages of Pablo and the five messages of Samuel, you didn’t wanted to keep on reading on your phone.

Pablo Páez Buenos días. How are you feeling? I’m sorry Samuel is an ass Please don’t let him ruin your mood ever again I saw you yesterday and I wouldn’t like to see you like that again. Much less for a boy. Te quiero mucho Would you like to spend the day with me? Aurora and my family will come later; they are hoping to see you.  Text me whenever you can, please

Samu✨💖 Preciosa I’m sorry I completely forgot about it And I feel so mad at myself Have dinner with me tonight to make up for it?

You sighed, head throbbing with a headache for crying so much. It was too early to be debating yourself from this kind of things, so you just picked Pablo’s message and replied a single yes, you’ll face Samuel later.

…

“So… Are you coming for dinner with Rora with my parents or what?” Pablo asked calling you while having lunch, he was training today.

Your eyebrows furrowed hearing him ask that

“I told you yes, that I wanted to go” You say confused “It’s been a while since I’ve seen them, so yes”

“You didn’t told me anything”

“Yes I did” You say nodding

“No, you didn’t”

“Páez, I messaged you this morning”

“Y/L/N, you did not messaged me this morning. I haven’t heard of you since last night until right now that I’m talking to you”

You laughed in disbelief “The joke’s not funny” You said

“It isn’t a joke, mi niña”

But it truly wasn’t a joke because as if on cue, a message of Samuel appeared on your screen

Samu✨💖 Dinner is reserved Meet me there at 7?

Fucki-

You groaned sighing

“What? What’s wrong?” He asked while drinking a bit of his water

“I was so sleepy in the morning, I did texted” You nodded “But instead of texting you, I texted Samuel” You sighed, Pablo looked at you before laughing

“Cancel on him”

“I can’t just cancel on him, Pabs”

“Yes, you can. He didn’t showed up!”

“But I’m not him, Pablito” You shook your head “He’s sorry and he’s already done reservations” You sighed “I really wanted to see Belén tho”

“I’ll let her know that” He smiled lightly “What hour’s the date?”

“7”

“It’s 2.36” You nod

“I know how to read the hour, thanks” He laughed lightly

“What you gonna do?”

“Obviously go, he’s my boyfriend”

“Doesn’t act like one” You roll your eyes ignoring his statement

“…See why he didn’t showed up and…”

“And?”

“…And hopefully get laid” You replied laughing watching Pablo’s eyebrows lift up impressed with the honesty “I don’t know, I’m stressing out so much these days”

“Wow” That’s all he said. You kept on laughing “Don’t tell me the details if that happens, please”

“I wasn’t going to anyway” You shook your head sighing, both of you stayed in silence for a few seconds “But he’s just that good-”

“Xavi’s calling!”

“I’m joking, I’m joking” You said smiling

“I don’t like you sometimes”

“You love me everytime”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever helps you sleep at night” Pablo shook his head, staying in silence for a few seconds.

You furrowed your eyebrows seeing him a bit sad so suddenly “Something’s wrong?” He shook his head, smiling a bit

“Everything’s fine. I gotta go, Lewy’s calling me”

“But he’s not-”

The words died in your mouth as Pablo hung up the call; you kept on staring and the black screen of your phone for a few seconds before letting it fall a bit roughly against the surface of your eating table. You sighed feeling a bit mad for not knowing what had happened to Pablo and why did he left you so suddenly, you were also tired even if you had slept until two hours ago, you weren’t feeling the best.

You picked your phone again, looking at Samuel’s text and another wave of indescribable and many feelings came rushing into you, mixed feelings.

 Suddenly you didn’t wanted to go at the restaurant, the dressing up thing seemed a lot to you right now, you preferred to be at home or have a nice car ride with him, you wanted Samuel to come and look out for you, take care of you and mend everything these past few weeks have been with him, in the simplest way possible.

But you also wanted to put Samuel to the side and have the greatest of times with your best friend, to take care of Pablo and him of you. He seemed down so suddenly and you wanted to know what had happened to him that made him act like that.

You were conflicted and you hated it.

Opening your camera roll, you scrolled through pictures trying to clear a bit your mind but it was as if fate decided you to choose right now, after a picture of you and Samuel, last week at one of your friend’s house, you remembered you had three days without fighting and you were over the moon, you never liked fighting with your loved or close ones.

It was the both of you sat in the grass with the Christmas light hanging in the tree behind you both, she had decorated for the get-together and you always had loved decorated trees. Samuel had said something making you laugh hysterically as he smiled against your cheek. And that’s how the picture was taken by one of his friends.

You cuddled up to him, head thrown back a bit laughing as he looked at you with a big smile on, his dimples appearing and his eyes scrunching up a bit in a cute way. You smiled looking at the picture, you really liked Samuel and you knew you could fall for him and mostly if you could stop all of these fights that have been happening, for you both, constantly.

Swiping to the next picture, you found one of you and Pablo in his apartment doing a movie night, taken by Pablo himself. You loved this picture because Pablo almost never truly smiles in pics, he’s just tight smiling, side smiling, smirking or simply not smiling at all, in this one he had fully smiled showing his teeth and something that you loved of Pablo was his toothy smile.

The pic itself was beautiful even if it was taken while the two of you were looking a bit bad and fooling around, you were doing a peace sign with one hand with duck lips and closed eyes, the other around Pablo’s shoulders bringing him into you as he was simply smiling.

Your thumb moved around watching both pictures, until you decided and made up your mind.

Pablo had made himself known he didn’t wanted you like you wanted him unlike Samuel who wanted you and fought for you and you were going to do the same for him back, they were stupid and simple fights and you could get out of them. He was your boyfriend whilst Pablo was, is and will always be your best friend.

You left your phone on the table Samuel pic shown and you smiled on your way to doll yourself up for him, for your boyfriend and hoping that you could solve everything going on between the two of you for good.

You figured if Pablo had something, he would tell you straight away. And if he didn’t, you could always get it out of him for yourself and help him, like the best friend you were and will always be. You couldn’t let some simple fights and his comforts, get in the way to your relationship and mess with your head and heart.

Time was nearly 7pm when you finished and hailed a cab to get you towards the restaurant, when you arrived the restaurant, you texted him letting him know you were already there

“Can I get you something, ma’am?” You smiled shaking your head politely at the waiter

“I’m waiting for someone, thank you” He smiled

“If you need anything, you can call me” You nodded your head lightly

“Will do, thank you” And with that the waiter left

Truth to be told, you lost count of the amount of times the waiter had asked you if you wanted something to eat or where ready to order, you always answered with the same phrase “I’m waiting for someone, thank you”. You stopped watching the hour, when you realized you saw that three hours have passed, you were tired of sending him messages, you wanted to cry

“Miss” The same waiter said giving you a little white container

“I didn’t order anything”

“I know you didn’t but I’m sorry for your date. You deserve someone better” He sadly smiled at you “We’re closing already” You nodded fighting the tears, stood up and left a few bills on the table

“Thank you so much” You said and left the restaurant.

You asked once more for a taxi and fought all the way back to your house the tears that threatened to spill from your eyes. You had no energy to fight him; you didn’t had energy to cry anymore. You were on autopilot mode taking off your heels, undid your hair, cleaned your face and took off your dress pulling a random but comfy shirt.

Your phone never rang with an apology text or with a call. And you went to sleep with a heavy heart that night, tears falling and falling from your eyes. Once more being forgotten

Next day rolled in and your phone had rang multiple times but you weren’t in the mood to face an ‘I’m sorry I forgot’ kind of thing from Samuel so when the door of your room was opened you pretended to be asleep.

“¡Joder, Y/N!” You heard Pablo’s voice and instantly relaxed a bit “Why aren’t you answering my calls or texts? I was going mad thinking something had happened to you! It’s almost 5 in the evening, loca!” You heard his footsteps for seconds before you felt the bed dip in “Y/N?” His hand shook your shoulder a bit “Y/N” He shook harder “You’ve always been a heavy sleeper, mi niña” He chuckled and that made you smile a bit

But then you sniffed

“Y/N? You’re awake?”

You cursed yourself out and held in your breath

“Y/N, you’re awake. I know you” You sighed knowing what was coming.

He pulled down the blanket that was covering your whole frame

“Hi” Your voice cracked but still tried to make a smile for him

“Maldición, what happened?” You sighed closing your eyes; you shook your head and tried to pull the blanket back up again “No, Y/N. What happened? Why are you crying?

You stayed silent before letting yourself cry again, you felt Pablo’s arms around you.

“Y/N, baby” You felt Pablo get underneath the covers and pulled you into his embrace “No, no, no. Don’t cry, mi niña”

“He forgot” You said into Pablo’s neck “I was there.” You shook your head “I was there the whole night, looking like a stupid little girl… He never answered his phone, people giving me pity looks and I hated it” You sniffed grabbing him tighter “I did my hair just the way he likes it, I dressed up with his favorite color, I did myself for him yesterday” You cried “And he never showed up. He never answered my calls nor my texts. He forgot about me, about us, I-” You stopped your ranting, crying

“I’m gonna kill that guy” Pablo said moving around but you clinged onto him

“Don’t leave please” You whispered making Pablo’s heart break.

He had saw you pass several heartbreaks, he had seen you cry for men who in the first place never deserved you, he had always been there for you for each and every single one of them but this was the first time he had seen you suffer for a guy while he was in love with you.

This was a whole reset. Pablo didn’t know what to do, say or treat you like, to make you feel safe and forget about Samuel; Pablo hated the fact you were hurting over a stupid guy who didn’t deserved you meanwhile he was there dying to reach out for you, fill your heart, body and life with the happiness and love you truly deserve.

He really wanted to go towards Samuel’s house and make him regret every single little thing, he had been doing to you these past few months, the constant fights at the beginning were because of stupid little things but they keep going on and on and it was more often you spending your night at Pablo’s, even though he never complained, he loved spending time with you but he never liked you crying and sad.

He felt rage and all he could see was beating Samuel up but at the second you clinged into him, he softened and his rage turned into care, his arms tightened around you, his lips let a kiss on your hairline and he pulled you into him

“He’s a tremendo gilipollas” You chuckled a bit and sniffed

“I should’ve listened to you and cancel on him” You whispered after a little while “I’m sure I could have spent the most amazing time with my Páez Gavira family”

“Mom misses you too, by the way” You smiled “She asked you to call her” You nod sniffing

“I will do, later” You got your face out from his chest and smiled at him softly “I’m sorry about wetting your shirt” He looked down at his shirt

“You left a bit of snot there” He joked as you scoffed

“I’m gonna look for another shirt for you” He pulled your wrist, getting you on top of him again

“I don’t care about some moco or lágrimas on my shirt. I care for you to be happy” He smiled back at you and leaned down to kiss your cheek “What do you say if we bake something? Your favorite? We can’t let you keep going this way the whole day”

“I love you so much, you know? I’m so glad I’ve you as my best friend, Pabs” You said smiling as his heart softly broke hearing you be-friend him

Guess it’s my turn to feel it. Pablo thought

“I love you too, mi niña. And I’m always going to be here for you, whenever and wherever you need me”

“I kinda feel bad though, you shouldn’t be here looking after me and my romantic fails”

“I can and I will” Pablo smiled kissing your cheek and lifting himself from your body “Now, c’mon. Let’s make some good treats for us and have a skin care night, my cutis needs one of those olive face masks of yours”

…

“Are we ready to party?!” Pedri and Gavi yelled out coming to your house as you lifted your eyes from your paper work

“Am I getting a thing for this exam?!”

“YES?” Pedri asked as you huffed

“No” You whine

“C’mon, let’s distress tonight” Gavi said putting his head in your shoulder, his hands going around your waist and Pedri lifted his eyebrows as you tried not to blush or smile

“I can’t, I have this big exam on Wednesday and I don’t understand a thing from it”

“But today’s Friday” Gavi said 

“I know”

“You still have five days for it”

“I know”

“Then take a break” You whined

“I can’t, Pablo”

“Don’t call me that”

“It’s your name”

“Not for you!” You smiled lightly

“I would love to, guys. But I can’t”

“Yes, you can” Pedri said “I bet you have like five hours going on with this”

“Five hours?” Gavi scoffed “Better said whole day” You roll your eyes “Have you even ate something?” You nod

“I did. Was feeling too hungry for my own good” Pablo smiled opting to sit down besides you

It has been four days since your failed date with Samuel, he has been texting you but you were giving him the cold shoulder ever since, only replying one message saying: ‘Not in the mood to talk to you, right now. We’ll chat later’ and archived his messages.

“That’s good though” He smiled showing off his teeth “But seriously, get your pretty ass up from this chair and get ready to relax for a while”

“Pablo, no!” You whine softly as he shook his head grabbing your hand and getting you out of the chair

“Pablo, yes! You’ll thank me later for this”

“WAIT-NO! PABLO!” You yelled out as he lifted you on his back as if nothing and walked with you towards your room

“Get pretty and get ready. Pedri and I will wait for you downstairs”

You knew best than try to fight him so you did what he had asked you to, get pretty and get ready for a night out with your favorite boys since it’s been a while since you got one.

“Where are we going?” You asked after a little while

“A que Ansu” Pedri said smiling

“Will there be a lot of people there?”

“Hopefully not” Gavi turned to look at you “, but we already know how Ansu is” You laugh lightly “Don’t worry. I will not let you alone”

“What about the chicks?” Pedri asked jokingly winning a deadly glare from Pablo

“I don’t care about the chicks”

“You can get someone though” You said softly “You don’t have to stop yourself from getting fun because of me”

“I’m not stopping myself from anything, Y/N. I simply don’t want to leave you” He shrugged a bit “I’m more than okay being with you, I don’t need a random girl who just wants me because I’m Pablo Gavi, I just need you” He said looking at you in the eye as you smiled softly 

“Ah, Y/N… You got the golden boy whipped” Pedri joked as Pablo glared at him and you laughed brushing his comment off and not paying too much attention to it.

“He’s just being a good friend”

“No. I’m just being normal… I’m being Pablo” He looked at you “Your Pablo”

“You’re getting too sappy”

“You like that”

“Sure” You spoke with sarcasm and Pedri laughed turning the car to the left, Ansu’s house being visible

“C’mon” Pedri said after parking “Let’s go and have a good time” He smiled as Pablo opened the door for you and helped you get out

You greeted Ansu, Alejandro, Ronald, Frenkie, Christensen, Raphinha, almost everyone of the squad, their girlfriends and wives with a warm smile and a warm hug. Immediately, the guys chatted with you for a bit, when Gavi came up to you with a drink

“Know you don’t like Tequila and that you have to focus tomorrow for your exam. So don’t worry, this is just Coca-Cola” You smiled at him and leaned a bit to kiss his cheek

“Thanks” You murmured feeling him wrap his arm around you and pull you into him

“Let’s sit” Pablo offered with a light smile on as you nod

The night was going on great, you laughed, danced for a bit with Pedri and then Gavi who claimed Pedri was stealing you way too much and had a great time in general, until Ansu decided to post a picture of you, Gavi, Pedri, Alejandro, himself and their respective girls, flings or friends and post it on his Best-Friends Instagram story.

You don’t know how, not when, not anything like that but somehow Samuel had seen the story and soon when you were laughing at something Gavi was telling you, Samuel came in cutting your whole night short and threw your mood away.

You didn’t wanted to see him, still not ready to talk to him and forgive him for what he had done in the day of your presentation and the day after with the restaurant thing. Gavi clearly saw the whole thing and was a bit upset

“What are you doing here, bonita? Why didn’t you invited me? This is nice!”

“Pedri and Gavi brought me here. The invited doesn’t invite” You said serious before giving him your back

“But Ansu is my friend! I’m sure he would’ve loved me here”

“You already are here, hermano” Gavi said “You can stop the ranting and just enjoy the night”

“Nah! Mind your business, Gavira”

Pablo opened his mouth but you put a hand on top of his, slightly shaking your head

“Please don’t” You begged “I just want to enjoy tonight” Pablo nodded at you

“If you want him out-” You cut Pablo off

“I do” You nod “I’m not ready to face him but he’s already here. This isn’t your house for you to kick him out nor either is your party” You sighed “We’re just invited”

“I’m best friends with the owner of the house”

“Still, Samu is friends with the guys, they don’t know our problems and they will like him being here. Let’s just forget about everything, okay? Let’s enjoy ourselves” You patted his thigh sending him a little smile

“Just for you” He said after a few seconds, your smile widening “But still, if he does something to you, just tell me” You nod rolling your eyes

“Will do”

“Promise?” He showed his pinky, making you shake your head lightly

“Promise, mi lindo” You linked your pinky with his and you bottled out of your bubble

The night was good, both you and Pablo were almost ignoring all the way Samuel, who was each time more and more insistent on having your attention

Tarot was playing and you were once more dancing with Gavi, you probably looked like a hypocrite, your boyfriend asked you a few minutes ago to dance but you declined saying you were tired but when Gavi asked if you wanted to dance you extended your hand and let him lead you to the dance floor

You were dancing and singing to the song with Pablo goofing around with him when you felt a hand on your shoulder, you turned around and saw Samuel

“Dance with me?” You softly shook your head

“I don’t want to”

“Please, just one dance. I miss my girlfriend” He said and you raised your eyebrows

“I’m still mad for what you did” You shook your head in disbelief “Please, I really don’t want to be near you right now”

“Y/N-” Pablo cut him off

“She said she doesn’t want to and that she wants you to leave her alone, please. Can you understand that?”

“Mind your business”

“Her business are mine too, so please step aside. Let her be”

“Our relationship doesn’t involve you, kid” Samuel pushed Pablo by the shoulders

“What did you just called me?” Pablo asked rage going all around his body; he marched towards Samuel but you quickly intervened putting yourself in front of the Sevillano

“He isn’t worth it, Pabs; don’t let him get to you. You’re not a kid; you’re more man than anyone in this room, please. Don’t put yourself into his level” You whispered but your words got in one of Pablo’s ears and went out of the other, hell, he wasn’t even looking at you even if you joined both of your foreheads whilst talking

Pablo softly pulled you out of his front and stepped up to Samuel

“I called you what you are, a fucking kid”

“Hijo de tú put-” You pulled Pablo back by his shoulder but he got himself out of your grasp

“Stop” You somehow got in the middle of them “I said stop” You looked both guys before your gaze stayed on Pablo “Please” Each one of your hands were placed in the guys chest, preventing their movement

“Step aside bonita” Samuel said taking off your hand softly and moving closer

“Yes, Y/N. Step aside” Pablo agreeded

“The fucking I will move from here. Stop” Your voice started shaking “I will dance with you; I will do anything, Samuel. Just fucking stop. Stop” You pleaded “This is a party, to have a good time not to fight”

“It was” Samuel said “But this fucker wants to get my girl and insert his nose in places he shouldn’t and I’m not gonna allow it”

“Your girl doesn’t want to be with you because you’re an asshole and a shitty boyfriend; I’m just being a good best friend, a human and a reasonable man to treat her how she deserves to be treated, not forgetting her at restaurants and pulling stupid stunts. Shame on you to treat such a wonderful girl like she’s nothing” Samuel smirked and pulled you out of the middle

“Well… My girl, my treatments”

“Pablo” You warned grabbing his arm trying to pull him back but it was a failure, he was angry and he was stronger than you, Pablo squared up once more to Samuel. Both of their faces separated by millimeters

“Eres un tremendo gilipollas” Pablo said

Your eyes devised Pedri who was already coming over with Fernando, his older brother behind him. You silently thanked him for noticing, the loudness of the music wouldn’t have done anything if you called for any of the guys.

“Yeah? This gilipollas is breaking your legs, golden boy” He mocked Gavi’s title “Calling yourself a man when all you can do is run around the field, acting like a little kid, stomping your feet, doing rabietas and run into the other players because you don’t know how to play for shit”

Pablo smiled angrily before launching himself at Samuel, when Pedri grabbed him in the perfect moment and Fer grabbed Samuel, the other lads noticed this and they instantly went up to help.

You were surprised by Pablo, he had undone himself from Pedri’s, Lewandowski’s, Raphinha’s, Araujo’s, Alejandro’s, Diego’s (One of his childhood friends) and Sergio’s hold, meanwhile Samuel was controlled by Ansu, Ferran, Eric and Fer.

You decided to step in for Pablo “Please, stop. This isn’t funny anymore, Pabs” You begged feeling tears up in your eyes, your hands went to touch his face but he refused pushing your hands away

“I’m gonna kill him” He growled

“No, you won’t” You said grabbing his arms but he let himself go rudely which startled you and made you lose your footing.

You would have fallen to the floor if it wasn’t for Alejandro who quickly saw it and helped you, still your ankle suffered a bit. You whimpered out in pain, Pablo’s eyes quickly softening as seeing you in pain

“¡Dios mío, joder!” He kneeled down besides you, worry written on his face “I’m so sorry, mi niña” He said going to touch your hands but now it was you who didn’t wanted his touch

“Well done, football star” Samuel said also kneeled down besides you, he wrapped his arm around your waist

“Look, cabrón-” You cut Pablo off

“Shut up!” You exclaimed, you were angry with him, angry with Samuel and angry to the fact that you had to end up with a bruised ankle to make them both stop “I don’t want to talk to both of you right now, I came here to relax, to forget about everything” You looked at Samuel first who looked down in shame and then to Pablo who sniffed not being able to meet your gaze “and here I am with a bruised ankle. I told you both to stop and both of you acted like fucking children!” You sniffed not being able to hold the tears anymore “I wanna get out of here”

“I’ll take you” Samuel said quickly

“She came with me, she can leave with me”

“I’m not leaving with any of you!” You exclaimed angry once more “If I have to take a fucking Uber, I’ll take it. If I have to walk all the way to my house or any place I want to, I will do it. But I don’t want to see both of your faces for a long while” Alejandro helped you stand up but you whimpered once more not being able to

Pedri got close and helped you get out of your heels, you hissed when his hand came in contact with the injured part

“Sorry, cariño” He said “Gotta take it off” You whimpered a bit when he was almost done, you heard Pedri hiss a bit “We gotta go to the hospital, this is turning blue” You groaned

This wasn’t how you expected to spend your night.

You felt Pedri helping you get up on your feet “Want my shoes?” He asked but you declined

“Just want this night to end as soon as possible” You murmured

“Y/N-” Pablo said stopping in front of you but you shook your head

“Just shut up” You pleaded and watched how Pablo’s mood shifted to a sad one

“I’m sorry”

It’s all he said before letting you go but before that he heard you murmur a little

“I shouldn’t even have gotten out of the house today” And he knew in that moment he had fucked it up once more but he couldn’t do anything else besides stand there and watch you leave doing little jumps with Pedri

“See what you have done?” He heard Samuel’s voice

“I’m not gonna talk to you, cabrón” Pablo replied “Y/N just got hurt because of you”

“Me? You were the one who pushed her”

“I didn’t pushed her”

“Guys” Ansu called “I think you should leave it. We don’t want another accident to happen” Pablo sighed nodding at his friend’s words “Samuel, thanks for coming man but I think you should leave” Samuel without saying anything else nodded and left “You too, Pablito”

“What?!”

“Don’t play yourself the innocent” Ferran said “You should’ve done what Y/N told you”

“He kept on calling me names, saying things”

“And she told you to not pay attention to those things” Ferran nodded “And now, she’s hurt. You brought her here to have a good time, to take her worries away but instead you created new ones” Pablo sighed knowing his friends were right.

Without fighting, Pablo waved goodbye and left the house. He texted Pedri on his way home

-Where’s she?

Pedrito González: *Sent ubication* Pedrito González: But she doesn’t want to see you, hermano

Pablo sighed feeling his heart heavy

-Is she good?

Pedrito González: Y/N is fine, can’t say the same thing about her ankle. She has to have a cast for the next five days

Pablo wanted to break his ankle himself too. Much better, give himself some good punches for ruining what it was supposed to be you relaxing night.

“She’s gonna be so mad at me. Hell, I’m mad at me as well” Pablo said before blocking his phone and walking towards his house already thinking on ways to make you forgive him

Next day he came up to your house and you raised an eyebrow, not expecting him there but knowing he was going to make an appearance sooner or later

“How are you?”

“My ankle is in a cast, I can’t walk properly, I can’t shower properly, I have to rely on Pedri to do my shopping that I always do on Saturdays whilst I’m grateful for him offering to do it, I’m not exactly a fan of him knowing what kind of pads I use, I have to do this assignment and later on study for Monday’s exam, Samuel hasn’t stopped bothering me, that much I had to turn the airplane mode on, my wifi isn’t working as quick as I would love it to, I also didn’t wanted to see the owner of my ankles disgrace today but he’s here anyway and I have to take medication for the amount of pain this injury gives me. How do you think I am?”

Pablo stood there looking at you in silence; guilty was not a correct word to express how bad he was feeling 

“Like you need more medication to work your pain away?”

“I wouldn’t even need medication if it wasn’t for yours and Samuel’s little show yesterday!” You exclaimed throwing a cushion in his way which he easily grabbed in his hold

“And I’m completely sorry because of that” Pablo said coming over to sit next to you “I’m truly, truly sorry for it. He was just being an asshole, calling me names, you know I hate when people calls me kid and-” You cut him off

“If you behave like that you are surely giving them a good reason to think you are a kid” You said “Which you aren’t by the way” You added quickly “Tienes que tener la cabeza fría, not pay attention to everyone’s words. You know you are an amazing football player and you’re also an amazing human being. We could just have ignored him and spend the rest of the night as we had done it until that moment”

“He wasn’t going to let you go”

“If he wasn’t, then we would have. We could’ve gone anywhere else, whenever we wanted to. But no!” You closed your laptop frustrated “Mister-I-get-worked-up-too-quickly couldn’t ignore a single sentence and leave with me, no! He had to act like a macho and demonstrate how he couldn’t handle his emotions, ignore my words and hurt his best friend without meaning to in the process” Pablo’s head was looking down at his lap in shame

“I’m sorry”

“I know you are” You said and he looked up at you “But you’re an idiot”

“I know I am” His reply made you smile lightly

“…My idiot”

“I am” This time he smiled “Forgive me, please?” You look at him

“With one condition” He nodded  listening to you “If next time, I tell you to stop and you don’t stop, I’m breaking your legs for you to stop playing for a very, very, very long time and don’t even think about coming over to talk to me because I will act as if I don’t know you” He nods “And I have to be your passenger princess too for whole three months straight”

“Done” He smiled “But you can be my passenger princess any time you want to” You smiled

“Also you have to massage my ankle” He gave you a look “You did it, you treat me”

“Fine” He sighed “How about I even make your shopping instead of Pedri? I already know you prefer pads instead of tampons” You smile at him “With wings”

“That’s very important” You pointed out as he laughed nodding

“Then its done” You nod

“It’s done” He hugged you tightly as you leaned into him

“For how long do you need that?”

“Four days now” He hissed

“I’m really sorry”

“Yeah, I’m about to kick your crotch too and just tell you I’m sorry”

“Please, don’t. It has already suffered a lot from those fucking players” You laugh out and soon he joined you

 And that’s how you come back to ‘normal’ with Pablo, four days pass on as he was checking in on you, like a personal nurse, he even had slept those four days in your house to, in his words “check on everything you need” but when Pablo came in with a bouncy step on his walk you knew he had something planned

“What do you want?” You asked him as soon as he appeared in your house from his training

“¿Qué? ¿Ya aquí no reciben a uno con un hola, buenas tardes, ¿Cómo estás? ¿Cómo te fue? ¿Nada??” You laughed

“Hola, buenas tardes. ¿Qué tal te fue en el training?” You asked watching a small smile appear on his face nodding

“That’s better” He said going over to kiss your cheek “Me he caído durante el entrenamiento, the guys have laughed their asses off” You smiled

“Damn. Why whenever I go to training nothing happens to you?”

“Because I try to impress you”

“Ush!” You roll your eyes “As if it would’ve worked… My eyes are always on Lewanpapi”

“Lewanwho?” You laughed out loud

“The things that man does to me… Without even trying”

“Y/N!”

“I’m joking” You giggle “Or am I?” Pablo gives you a look “I’m joking, I’m joking” Pablo smiled “I care about for Pepi, have you seen him?” You put your best shocked face as Pablo gives you another look once more “He came back hotter from that injury and I just-” You did a weird motion with your hands, face and shoulder “HE’S GORGEOUS!”

“To be honest, I don’t see Pedri as gorgeous, yes, he’s good looking but-”

“THAT’S ALL WE NEED TO HEAR!”

“Don’t yell!” He exclaimed “And don’t lie! We both know you care for me”

“Sure, keep telling yourself that” He pushes your face away lightly as you giggle “We know deep down, like really deep and really down inside me, I care about you” He hums with a smile on

“That’s all we need to hear” You laugh

“What were you going to say?”

“Pedri” You raised your eyebrows

“My man”

“Stop it” You giggled watching his furrowed eyebrows “He’s not your man” He never liked when you joked around with Pedri, much less he’ll like it now that he knows he’s in love with you

“Sadly, we just don’t see each other in that way”

“Y/N!”

“OKAY! Serious voice, serious face, serious persona” Gavi gave you a look fighting a smile

“He invited us to a party at his house”  

“Yeah” You said slowly “Don’t count me in”

“Why not?” You pointed your non-casted ankle but still it was wrapped in some bandages

“I still can’t walk properly” Gavi rolled his eyes

“I will carry you”

“I’m on my period”

“You can spend the whole night sat if you like”

“I’m with a headache”

“Thank god, Pedri won’t put any kind of music on” You sighed

“Pabs” You shook your head “I don’t really want to go” Now, it was his turn to sigh

“I know last time wasn’t that good” You hum looking at your ankle “But you can’t be afraid of each party we get”

“I just don’t want Samuel to be there”

Samuel. Oh dear, Samuel.

You haven’t talked to him since that night, you were mad at him for him to say such things to your best friend, to treat you like that, how dare he? My girl, my treatment? What the fuck?

“Still haven’t mend things with him?” You shake your head

“And I don’t really know if we can mend things this time” You said looking at him “I mean I would love to, I love being with him, he takes care of me, he loves me, he understands me” You sigh looking down at your hands “I don’t really know what’s happening to him lately, but I am willing to give it a try”

“I think you have been the one who gives different tries to it” Pablo said as you avoided looking at him in the eyes. Pablo took a deep breath thinking if he wanted to know the answer to the question his mind had been running on lately “Y/N, do you love him?”

You looked at Pablo, sighing.

Truth was, with Samuel’s actions lately you’ve been more and more distanced of him, you stopped seeing him with other eyes, you stopped seeing him like you used to and honestly you could go on not talking to him for a whole three days, you don’t do that to somebody you love. That’s when it hit you.

You have never loved him and you weren’t even close to it. You made yourself believe you were able to love him when in fact; you just loved the attention he gave you and wrapped yourself into a bubble believing you could escape your true feelings.

Your feelings for Pablo.

When you opened your mouth to answer your apartment phone started ringing, you looked at the number and recognized it to be your mom’s. A huge wind of relief came to you knowing it wasn’t Samuel. You weren’t in the mood to also mute your local phone by throwing it against the wall.

“It’s my mom”

“Y/N, please, answer me”

“You need to go to the party”

“Y/N”

“Go” You said before sighing “Please” You begged a little “Just go, I wanna be alone” Pablo sighed knowing you weren’t going to answer the question

“We’ll talk later” He warned

“We will” You smiled lightly.

The hug and kiss on the forehead that Pablo gave you was one of the most pure and longest ones, you’ve shared in your whole life together.

“I love you, okay? You can always talk to me about anything” He whispered as you nod

“Love you too, Pabs” You said smiling “But you gotta go and get some chick tonight” You faked excitement

“I have told you several times I don’t need some chick when I have you!”

“Yes, yes, yes. Whatever you say, loverboy. You seriously need to get laid”

“I don’t need to get laid. I’m not desperate for it!” He said in disbelief “I have my hand too!”

“ Gross!”

“It’s completely normal!”

“Just shut up, go get some; mom’s calling me” You pushed him a little, smiling and watching a smile appear on his face too, you saw him take some steps towards the corridor when you picked up the phone “Hi mom”

Samuel, Samuel… Pablo wanted to kill him.

What are the odds of finding him in the party anyway?

…

“What the fuck is Samuel doing here?” Pablo whisper yelled at Pedri when he saw that blonde hair, he grow to hate so much these past few weeks

“I don’t know. I haven’t talked to him in days. I didn’t invited him”

“If you didn’t. How is it possible he’s here?”

“¡Qué no lo sé, tonto! Why would I invite him knowing Y/N is feeling bad because of him?”

“How do you-?”

“She’s also my best friend”

“I came first”

“It doesn’t matter. I’m also her best friend” Pablo’s eyebrows furrowed even more if it was possible

“She-”

“Stop being so jealous, fucks sake!” Pedri complained “Yes, she was your best friend first, joder!” Pablo nodded but still decided to ignore him 

“You know what? Thank god, Y/N didn’t wanted to come here tonight. I wouldn’t know what to do if I told her he’s not coming and then” Pablo smashed his palms together “Boom! He’s here”

“Yes” Pedri nodded “Also adding to the fact she can’t walk” He rubbed the fact again at Pablo

“I told her I’m sorry, I never meant to hurt her” Pedri shakes his head

“It’s already done. You” He pushed a finger into Gavi’s chest “Don’t do anything crazy tonight, just relax and forget he’s here, okay? I don’t want to explain to Y/N why her best friend ended up with a black eye and her boyfriend with a busted lip”

“Why do I have to be the one with the black eye?”

“¡Es un decir tonto!” Pedri exclaimed “Either way that won’t look good for you at matches, interviews and anything, people will start whispering and creating stories and el Mister wouldn’t like that”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re right” Pablo nodded “He’s not here. He’s not here. I’m not coming close to him, he’s not coming close to me. Each one in separate ways knowing deep down I wanna kill him”

“But you won’t”

“Pero no lo hare” Pablo repeated Pedri’s words. “Everything will be good. I promise, hermano” Pablo smiled at Pedri who nodded

Pablo spent his evening laughing with his friends, eating and drinking a cerveza but he wasn’t entirely happy knowing you weren’t there with him. He understood your reasons but still he missed you like crazy. That’s what he thought about the whole evening, you.

And, enhorabuena, he really did almost forget Samuel was there. He would have done it all the way if he hadn’t seen what he saw. He also didn’t mean to break his promise but his blood was boiling. The vase he was holding broke under his strong hold, his jaw clenched and his eyes darkened, his nose sharpened and his whole appearance changed.

Samuel, who was sat outside in the backyard had a girl on his lap, he was touching her thighs and leaving kisses on the girls neck. It got worse when he saw the girl giggle and her grabbing Samuel’s chin to kiss his lips

“¡CABRÓN!” Pablo yelled marching over to where he was, alerting Samuel of his presence, who quickly stood up, color leaving his face

“Hermano, look-” Pablo cut him off with a punch on his face

“How dare you do that to her?!” Pablo roared, serving him another punch “She loves you, estúpido! And here you are, wasting her love meanwhile others are dying for it! You never deserved her, man!”

“Others like you, right?” Samuel threw a punch at Pablo, the lads coming over to separate them but Pablo didn’t wanted to stop hitting him. He wanted to make him feel pain, he wanted to make him pay for all those things he did to you, for the stood ups, for the forgetting, the pains, the cries, the fights, everything.

And he did, he undid himself from one of his mate’s hold and punched him straight in the nose

“PARTY’S OVER!” Pedri yelled “Everyone out, now!”

As everyone left only being left Ansu, Alejandro, Diego, Ferran, Fer and Pedri

“WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?” Pedri yells once they are alone

“The motherfucker was cheating on Y/N! I couldn’t stand there and watch him kiss and touch another girl like he only should do with his girlfriend, who by the way, I may remind you is the girl I’m in love with, my best friend and whilst he’s wasting her love, I’m dying for it! I know I took a lot of time to realize that and I still can’t forgive me for that but I absolutely hate and despise cheaters, knowing my girl just got cheated on makes me sick. I couldn’t stand there, watch and not do anything”

“I get it, Pablo. I’m mad as well but still”

“Nothing, Pedri. Nothing! I don’t regret anything!” Pedri sighed shaking his head

“Let’s get you cleaned up”

“I wanna see Y/N, I wanna be with her, I want her to treat me, please”

…

When you open the door, you always expect seeing scout girls selling her cookies to you, some friend or a relative and maybe the delivery guy who was taking too long in come in with your food but those are the things you may expect and are normal to… What is not normal is watching your best friend with an ice pack on his cheekbone with a bloody lip.

“Joder, ¿Qué hiciste, cariño?” You asked as he lightly smiled at you

“Surprise?” You roll your eyes

"Come in, come in" You said opening the door for Pablo to step in "Won't you come inside, Pepi?" You asked watching how the Canarian shook his head with a light smile on

"He's all yours, Y/N" You rolled your eyes smiling at him "Text me how it goes" You nodded murmuring a little 'Will do'

You closed the door turning to face Pablo who was already waiting for you at the couch

You sighed slowly walking towards your bathroom where you had a first aid kit, you made a note to yourself to thank your mom for buying you one.

"Care to share how did this happened?" You asked lightly sitting in front of him grabbing his hand and taking off the ice pack

"You wouldn't like to know"

"Oh, but I'm asking you, aren't I?" He watched how you putted alcohol into a cotton wipe and pulled your hair away from your face, before turning your gaze to his

"Can I start by saying you were right?" Your eyebrows furrowed working on Pablo's lip

"What?"

"Thank god, you weren't there either. Samuel was there" You hum lightly "And he was with another girl"

"Come again?"

"¡Ay! That hurts!" You quickly push your hand away not realizing you left the cotton in his skin and rather harshly, you murmured a few sorry's over and over again. "Don't worry"

"He was with another girl then?" You asked as Pablo gulped nodding "What were they…?"

"She was all over his lap as he was touching her and kissing her" Pablo pushed his head away "I'm really sorry. I found out like half an hour ago"

"Can I guess?" He hums letting you continue "That's why you got in a fight?"

"Had to protect you somehow" You smiled a bit

"Thanks for that then"

"How are you feeling?" He asked looking at you

"Like anyone who's been told they were being cheated on" You shrugged your shoulders "Like... I kind of predicted it, all this time fighting for something so stupid... But still fighting, not entirely making up...  and even though I'm not in love with him, it still hurts me, I can cry and at the same time I can throw a party and... I just don't know" You look at him “Mixed feelings”

"You don't love him?" You slowly shake your head

"I don't" You whispered moving to clean his cheekbone "But I hope he's happy" You say watching his doe eyes look at you with intensity.

"I feel sorry for him" Pablo said as you gave him a confused look

“You should be sorry for me, I got cheated on. Not him” Pablo shook his head

"He’s a bastard for cheating on you, you will never deserve that. You’re a queen and need to be treated as one”

“Not at those extremes but still” You shook your head "I'm not taking it to heart, Pabs. I, either way, would have ended it with him. You can stop that" You giggled lightly

"I'm not trying anything" Pablo shook his head lightly “I don’t think you’re getting my point, Y/N”

“I’m not honestly”

“I feel sorry for him because he let go such a beautiful and gorgeous woman not only on the outside but also in the inside. Any man who gets to be with you should consider himself as the luckiest man ever in the world. You just are so wonderful, so precious. You’re kind, lovely, incredibly smart, sassy, sarcastic, fucking positive, always seeing the good side of everything and everyone, selfless, understanding, you’re one of a kind. You love and care for those who you love with everything you have, you’d fight for them, you’d die for them. You need to be loved and cared with the same, if not more, intensity”

“I know you’re independent and that’s so fucking fine, it’s a really turn on” He chuckled in disbelief “But you need a man that can fulfill all of your needs, he was lacking everything and it hurt me like hell because…” He suddenly stopped his ranting

“Because what?” You whispered

“Because I was dying! Wishing to be the one to be by your side, I wished to be in Samuel’s spot, because I’m in love with you!” Pablo exclaimed standing up “I know I messed up back ago when you told me your feelings and I didn’t reciprocated them and it’s because I didn’t realized them at the moment but ever since you left that night my apartment I have been dying on the inside. I wanted to call you, hear your voice, see you, text you and I wanted you to reply, to call me, I wanted you to keep wanting me!” Pablo ran his hands through his hair biting his bottom lip as you could only sit there and follow his moves with your eyes

“I realized my feelings too late, during the WC, you didn’t come and you didn’t talked to me that time so I couldn’t say it back and then in the beginnings of this year, when I finally see you, you threw me off with Samuel being your boyfriend, I saw you be so happy, you were moving on and I was stuck with you” He started pacing around “¡Joder!” He cursed when he passed one of his hands in his injuries.

You gave him the cotton wipe and he grabbed it putting it against his eyebrow

“We were recovering our friendship, you were in a relationship and I couldn’t just sweep in and say: Hey! I realized I’m in love with you” He put on a different voice managing to get a small smile out of you “I couldn’t when you were so happy with him by your side, so I stayed quiet, I loved you in silence during all these past months, seeing him kiss you, touch you, love you were hell for me because I wanted to be the one to do that” He sighed “But seeing him tonight doing that to you whilst I wanted to be in his boyfriend position with you, I saw every color of the rainbow and wanted to throw them at his face” You laughed lightly “I just kept thinking I would never do that to you if you were my girlfriend, hell I wouldn’t even fight you! You say the sky is green? Yes, it is. That cats can drive? They can. That the milk comes first before the cereal? It does. I would care, love and cherish you until the day I die. Not like he did."

He looked at you and you looked at him “Please, say something” He begged

“I say you need another cotton wipe, the one you’re holding has too much blood in it already”

“This isn’t time to act like a nurse, mi niña” Pablo whispered but still decided to give you the cotton

“What do you want me to say, Pabs?” You sighed standing up to be face to face with him, he was still a bit taller than you but nothing too much to make a deal for it, you went to put the clean wipe on his cut but he softly pushed your hand away

“I love you” He said looking straight into your eyes “I’m in love with you”  

You were left in silence just looking at him.

You couldn’t process what he was saying. It couldn’t be possible for him to be in love with you. He was just your best friend, even he had said that!

“Please, tell me you’re joking” You finally whispered as you watched his face fall

“I’m not”

“You have to be” You said shaking your head “You absolutely don’t mean that, you are drunk and even mad at what Samuel did and you’re trying to comfort me with that, nice but I won’t fall for it”

“I’m not drunk, I only took dos cervezas during the whole night” He exclaimed

“You’re lightweight then”

“I’M NOT!” Pablo yelled a bit “I do am in love with you. Yes, I’m also so freaking mad at Samuel but I’m not drunk, I know what I’m saying is truth, Y/N”

“I’ll stay single, it’s okay” You ignored his words

“I don’t want you to be single” Pablo whined lightly “I want you to be in a relationship with me!”

“But you don’t want that! You’re saying it just because! You don’t mean any of this!”

“Fucking hell, I’m the one who knows how I’m feeling! And what I’m feeling is love for you and to you!”

“Don’t lie!” You exclaimed

“I’M-!” He cut himself off, taking a deep breath before letting it out “I’m not lying, Y/N, joder! ¡Te quiero, te amo!”

This was too much for you. He can’t just come back after months and pour his love for you as if nothing. You just got cheated on, you realized earlier that same night you were still head over heels for your best friend, he came to your house all beaten up, you treating him up… You couldn’t. You needed to process this.

“I’m… No… I gotta go” You said turning around and walking quickly even if you shouldn’t do it, you needed to get out of there now.  

You heard Pablo’s repeated calls of your name as you got out of your house, whimpering a little as the weight on your body fell on your ankle

“I’m not letting you go”

“Please, I need time to think about this. I promise I will talk to you”

“Just like you promised some time ago? You left me waiting five months, Y/N”

“I told you I needed time to myself, to think” You sighed “This won’t be like the last time”

“I feel it can be worse” You whined

“I swear I won’t disappear, I just need to process all of this. I just got cheated on, the guy I told I was in love with him is declaring his love for me right now after he said he could only see me as his best friend, I’m not walking, I’m stressing for Uni and I just need time to think a few hours” You looked up at him “Please, I swear I’ll talk to you. Just let me think”

“Come back to me, please” He whispered as you nodded entering your car. You smiled at him and pulled your window down

“Martín?” He nodded “Te quiero” He smiled

“Y yo a ti” He said as you started driving out of your porch. You grabbed your phone and dialed the one person who could help you with this

“¿Sí?”

“Are you at home?”

“Sí”

“Did you know Pablo’s in love with me?”

“For a very long time”

“Can I come over? I need somebody to talk to, Pepi”

“I’m waiting for you, bonita”

…

“So… Everything he said, it’s true” You murmured. It was halfway past midnight and you’ve been with Pedri for the past three hours

“You didn’t believed him” You took a deep breath

“I didn’t wanted him to just talk because of pity, because I got cheated on, I didn’t wanted him to create that world for to make me or make himself feel better for the fact I’m still in love with him”

“He has never told you this, but he cried when he learned the fact you weren’t going to go to the WC, he cried in his room when he didn’t saw you in the stands after he scored and he cried once more in Arabia Saudi at Supercopa when he saw you being there, whilst changing in the locker room, that day, was the happiest I’ve seen him after your failed confession night”

“Thanks for reminding me it was failed” You both shared a laugh

“He was a wreck at trainings, Xavi even gave him three days off but it seemed worse because all he could do was stare at the pics of the two of you. We already knew he loved you but it was a surprise for all of us when he finally admitted it and it seemed too late. These months he has been at the edge with Samuel, simply watching how you gave yourself to other man meanwhile he knew he had that chance in the past, when you started fighting with him it was worse; Pablo wanted to strangulate him” You giggled nodding

“He told me that several times”

“And tonight was his finish line. He was crying in rage, he felt offended for the fact someone could cheat on you, he didn’t cared the fact he could get a call from Xavi tomorrow, he was repeating I wouldn’t do that to her every once in a while in the car ride to yours. He really does love you, Y/N. It’s up to you if you wanna give him a chance or not”

“I want to” You sighed “It’s all I’ve ever wanted since I was fourteen” You admitted

“Then go and do it”

“I need to do something first though” You smiled at Pedri eating more popcorn  

“Yeah? ¿Le darás Mariachis?” You fake laughed

“He wishes I would” You smile shaking your head “It’s something better”

“Bueno, se lo darás mañana. It’s too late for us to be awake”

“Yes, oldman”

“¡HEY!” You smiled

…

“Are you sure he’s in his house?” You ask getting into your car

“Yes, I just left him there” Your phone dinged with another message notification it was from Pablo checking in up on you “…Did you really broke up with Samuel whilst throwing his clothes dentro del charco de agua?”

“I did. I completely ruined his leather jacket” You swiped the notification away

“Eso hurts” You shrugged your shoulders

“He deserved it tho”

“Yes, he did” You could feel Pedri’s smile “Now, go and get your angry bird” You shook your head smiling

“Will do”

…

You have been to his house million times before, but this time could change everything. You even had a key to it but you didn’t dare to use it today. It was really cold in Barcelona; it was raining half an hour ago but you were sweating your ass off. You knocked the door three times, you were even shaking and you looked at the sides over and over

The door opened and you saw Pablo with his lip and cheekbone bruised, his hair wet, some basketball shorts and a simple grey t-shirt

“What are you doing here?” His question surprised you

“Came to talk to you” You stuttered “But… If you don’t want me to, I can leave and-”

“No!” Pablo shook his head “I mean… Don’t leave” He whispered opening the door for you to come in and you did “Want something to-”

“Did you really meant it?”

“Meant what?”

“Everything you said yesterday” You spoke

“I do. Every single little word” Pablo nodded “I really am in love with you and I want you, Y/N. And I’m deeply sorry for everything I put you through”

Instead of answering him, you grabbed him by the face and smashing your lips against his, Pablo quickly kissed you back grabbing you by the waist and pulling you into him   

“I love you too” You whispered once you pulled away from him “I want you too and I’m in love with you, Pablito” You looked at him in the eye “I’m sorry I-” This time he cut you off and kissed you and only separated from you when you without meaning to, graced your injury with your teeth

“Joder”

“Sorry” You apologized once more

“It’s okay, kiss me again” You smiled pulling away from him as he chased you “Mi niña” He whined as you giggled

“We need to talk a bit” He hummed leaning to kiss you as you fully separated from him “I’m serious”

“Okay, okay. Got it. Serious voice, serious face, serious persona” You smiled seeing him repeat your words

“You’re an idiot. If you had realized your feelings sooner we could’ve been into this thing months ago, maybe even years”

“Don’t remind me that, please. I can keep imagining it” You smiled softly “You as my very, very-long-term-girlfriend, it sounds amazing, like art. Me as your very, very-long-term-boyfriend, it’s perfect” You nodded agreeing

“I want to thank you for telling me the Samuel thing; I just broke up with him like an hour and something ago… I don’t want you to think I didn’t trusted your feelings for me, well… Kind of. I just didn’t wanted to believe you were making that world and those feelings just to satisfy the fact you didn’t reciprocated my feelings back then but I had the help of someone and I have been deeply thinking of it and I don’t wanna stay single” He smiled “I wanna be in a friendship and a relationship with you too, you’ll always be my best friend, my partner in crime and my everything, Pablo”

“You really don’t know how happy those words make me feel right now” You laughed feeling his arms wrap around you, he leaned down to kiss you when he groaned

“I won’t kiss you again if it’s hurting you too much”

“A simple cut won’t make me stop kissing you, tía. I gotta make up for the lost time” He smiled “This feels nice”

“The what?”

“Having you in my arms, as my girlfriend and best friend. I can’t believe I took so long in realizing I am in love with you” You smiled

“Good news is that you finally did” You kissed his nose “How’s your cheek?”

“I’ve definitely looked prettier than this” You smiled

“You still manage to look pretty, Pabs” He leaned down to kiss you “But we need to disinfect it once more just in case and put on some ice. Doesn’t look that nice” You push your lips out lightly when you feel Pablo peck your lips again “Is it going to date you be like this?” He nods

“Better get used to it” You smile

“I think I can do that”

At the end, you and Pablo always got each other’s back and stayed by each other’s sides ‘cus it has always been you and him, him and you. Since Always and ‘Till Forever.

°°° °°° °°° °°°

Taglist: @gaviypedrisbride @ariagonzalezsstuff @gaviswh0re @stuckinaf4nfiction @elijahslover @azzpenswrld

[pineappleciders]

nightcord at 25:00 general relationship headcanons

A/N: i don't even know if there's an /reader side to this fandom. guys did you know i love analyzing characters

kanade yoiskai

she kinda has a hard time expressing it,, but she's a total sweetheart. like once you two get really close she gets really soft

kanade usually isn't one for things like close contact, but occasionally when she's worked herself to the bone she doesn't mind laying on your chest for a quick nap

she's kinda stressed out a lot, so she really appreciates neck massages and stuff. make her a cup of tea and she'll appreciate you forever (she probably won't drink it but it's the thought that counts)

needs constant reminders to eat and sleep and do basic functions. leave little sticky notes reminding her to brush her teeth!!!! she appreciates it deeply but doesn't show it very well

she likes to play her trauma off as something normal,, like if you worry about her she's genuinely confused like ???? is that not normal?????

she loooves flowers. loves to inspect and smell them. any flowers you give her go in a vase somewhere in her room,,, she likes to think it gives her room more life

although, you'll probably have to remind her to water them and let sunlight in.... she rlly wants to take care of them but forgets!!!

mafuyu asahina

ough. owwww. ouuuuch.

it's really difficult for her to open up!!! it'd probably only happen if you were to hear about her music,, ask her what it's about and she might just. break down

oh god. if you like. held her in your arms while she's crying. her parental issues are hitting HARD

she likes to get you flowers but only really does it on occasion! in all honesty she'd love to get you hand-picked flowers every single day but she finds it a little embarrassing to bring them to your locker in front of everyone

it's really hard for her to get situated into the relationship, patience and reassurance are everything 2 her. be genuinely kind and god it hurts her so bad

you take her to the aquarium whenever she's feeling down ... it always makes her feel a bit better . also all dates r aquarium dates no arguing

she likes to help you with homework, and if you're just too tired or worn out she'll even do it for you!! might tell you the next day that it was a one time thing that won't happen again (it will)

freezes up a little if you suddenly grab her hand, but eventually warms up to it and even starts subconsciously holding your hand when she's feeling on-edge or anxious

ena shinonome

ena is, admittedly, a bit scared of commitment. you might be at an awkward stage where you're not really sure whether or not the two of you are dating for awhile

even so, she's very supportive of everything you like. any sort of art, hobby, or music you're into she'll also get into in hopes of connecting with you

might post you on her social media!!! if you're camera shy she sneaks photos while you're not looking, but won't post them if you don't want her to (might on her priv tho)

she wants a lot of your approval, esp with her art. texts you drawings and asks for your honest opinion... she won't take a simple "it's amazing" for an answer

she wants you to criticize and give her advice ,,,, but she'll also get really sad if you do, so maybe it's better to just keep complimenting them . she acts mad abt it but is secretly happy you know her so well

she actually has always wanted to do sappy couple things,,, like watching movies together in bed or taking stupid photos with cheesy filters . might get a lil embarrassed if her friends find out

always takes photos of your food on dates (and sneaks a bite)

mizuki akiyama

mizuki loves to drag you around shopping at the mall . as soon as you think it's about to end they see another pretty store . it's a never-ending loop

she begs and begs for you to try on something she thinks you'd look cute in. you always give in just because it's practically mizuki's love language

you don't often find yourself doing stereotypical couple things with them . from an outside perspective it honestly might just look like you two are really good friends

but that doesn't mean they don't love you like that !! it's shown in other ways ... like sleeping over at your place for a week, or waiting at the bus stop for you every single day. or doing your makeup (even if you're a dude).

mizuki wants one thing and that's stability . to be confident that you two are never going to bicker or argue over stupid things ... or that you won't abandon her

she has a very hard time opening up. she'll tell you, eventually ... but the thought is scary. would you tell other people? would you leave them? would your relationship stay the same?

there's nothing mizuki appreciates more than you telling them that you'll stay, no matter what secret they might be hiding. even if she can't help but worry , knowing that your care is at least mostly unconditional is heart-warming

mizuki will appreciate every moment they have with you, for fear that one day you won't be here

[macabreblublu]

Ghost headcanons💀

Because I’m unoriginal and suffering in Literature class

Also this is my first time just sharing headcannons so please be nice-

- More of the quiet-angry type, rarely gets “loud, yelling-profanities-in-one-breath” kind of angry

- When something does cause him to be like that though (god have mercy on it), everyone just- doesn’t know how to react; whether it’s terrifying or just shocking

- Either way, Soap finds it hilarious but he doesn’t laugh about it publicly when it does happen. Maybe a snort or two slips out 

- When he gets quiet-angry, every poor soldier in the room swears they start shivering and are just unable to move

- Has crooked nails and very rough skin at the edge of his fingers, specifically the thumbs and index fingers (he picks them until they bleed whenever he’s alone in his room in the base and suffering from panic attacks) -projected my issues here *cOugh- 

More underneath cause I don’t wanna hog anyone’s dashes :”D

- Soap found out about this and gave him a pack of bandaids. But they’re all decorated with cartoons or patterns. Ghost still uses them anyway

- He’d be caught dead before anyone sees his bandaid-covered fingers because he always wears gloves. Except for Soap ofc, he has seen them and he has doodled on them before as a reward for actually taking his advice because yer fingers can git infected Ghost-

- Is the type to do silly things when he’s stuck somewhere deserted or is just lingering around a place like an empty museum or mall (thinking back to the time in Mission: Alone where he was waiting for Soap in the church) 

- Such as getting on a high place to sit his bored arse down and maybe even swing his legs back and forth to relieve his aching knees (this man looks so stiff whenever he sits down istg) 

- Or remembering a song in his head and tapping his feet to it, maybe even slightly dancing

- But he has to be completely alone. Surveys the whole area and makes sure there’s not a living soul within a 2 mile radius

- Not sure if he has a flat canonically but if he were to live in one, it’ll be the bare minimum. (I’d prolly live like him too cause simplicity ya know? Anyways-)

- I’m talking about two-roomed flat (not including the separate toilet) with one; a small store room just reeking from unknown junk in there and his bedroom with a single air mattress with a few duct tape patches by its sides due to his pocket knives falling out from his pockets and somehow unsheathing (trust me, it happened to me a bunch of times when I went camping) when he actually sleeps deeply or from under his pillow

- Only uses the kitchen to boil water and drink tea, he orders takeout. He’s a decent cook but he can be an excellent one if he had time to practice and actually put his mind to it

- Sleeps in low light, the light source being the street lamps outside his flat. Does not sleep in darkness, will have flashbacks to when he was buried with a corpse (yes I’m mixing the comics with this cause I thought that was a cool detail and angst potential)

- Random but, always wins during Uno games with TF 141. No one exactly knows how he guesses the next colour placed onto the middle stack or how he always has smth to put

I think that’s all for now, I had lots of fun coming up with these and I hope some of y’all will have fun reading it too! Lemme know if you guys want more HCs for Ghost or Soap! I’m still getting used to these characters so only Ghost and Soap are on my mind :”D maybe even Konig 

Also if you are curious about my works, I do art too! 

Reblogs are much appreciated :>>>

[youcanseethecosmos]

hi i like your dreamling actors au A LOT and i was wondering if you'd share more snippets about them 👀. mainly i would like to see more of dream falling for hob yet being more of an asshole the more he tries Not to be one, while hob is like "why does this guy keep searching me out just to be a dick wtf". idk i just like your actors au alot haha and would love to see more <3333

Hi friend! I'm so happy you love the dreamling actors au as much as I do!! And ofc I'd be more than happy to give a few snippets of Dream and Hob's lowkey one-sided enemies to tentative friends to lovers timeline.

I'll focus more on the start of the relationship here because everything else is a major spoiler for the fic hihi

Lights, Camera, Action posts: part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4

Dream and Hob's first movie where they played romantic leads was, ironically enough, a queer reimagining of A Midsummer Night's Dream. I'll let you figure out which of the two main couples they played ;)

Dream said to Hob that he took to speaking in iambic pentameter really well for "someone who wasn't classically trained" and Hob took that personally

Meanwhile Dream in his mind is like "that was my best compliment i hope he appreciated that." oh Dream. sweet baby boy no...

Hob meeting Dream was a classic "never meet your heroes" kind of set up. Although he wasn't a rabid fan, he deeply admired Dream as an actor

He still admires Dream. No matter how rude Dream seemed to be, Hob couldn't say that he wasn't good at his job. As long as the cameras were rolling, he could get lost in their little world. Dream knew how to pull you in once the story starts and Hob, despite his dislike of Dream, allowed himself to be pulled in every single time

One time Dream bought donuts for the entire cast and crew of one of his movies with Hob. Whether intentional or by happenstance, Hob didn't get a donut. He knows he shouldn't be petty and upset over a single donut but he IS and he will DIE on that hill

There is a very specific incident that happens about 6 movies in with Dream that changes Hob's perspective of him (what it is Exactly is a spoiler hihi)

Hob has never seen Dream eat or drink outside of filming. Like ever. Even during supposed lunch breaks, Dream spends his time reading and/or taking a nap while leaning against the wall – standing up.

Hob would be a solid 6 minutes in a blooper reel. Dream's never forgotten a line therefore has never appeared in any blooper reel due to his own slip-up. Hob did catch him try to hide a snort behind his coat sleeve once though.

Hope that gave you a nice glimpse at dream aka most awkward man in existence who can sleep standing up like a horse and recite his lines from a script after three passges but can't tell his handsome co-star hob that he miscalculated the amount of donuts he was supposed to bring last time and he would have run all the way to the nearest dunkin' just so hob wouldnt feel left out

save him pls

[thekatebridgerton]

In one of your older posts you described Eloise and phillip as a single dad x magic pixie dream girl.

I was wondering if you could expand on this concept?

I've always wondered what happened after end of the book.

Honestly I need to read the Bridgerton Epilogues too.

I don't remeber when I said this about Phillip and Eloise being an example of the single dad x manic pixie dream girl trope. But it does sound like me. Mostly because to me Julia Quinn averted falling into the trap of making Eloise relationship with Phillip entirely two dimensional.

So we all know about the MPDG she's the female version of the hallmark hero. She's fun, quirky, outside the mold and seems to have landed on our hero's doorstep to cure his depression and make him feel like life can be fun again (then Julia said 'hey, what if the manic pixie dream girl had trauma after seeing her dad die and also had a family of wacky, equally traumatized siblings). Then we have the single dad, he's often overworked, depressed and his dubious approach to parenting has turned his kids into unruly brats.

Wait a minute, what do you mean that the resident MPDG has trauma? And a life of her own? so here's where it gets fun. Because as the story progresses we learn that not only was Eloise not placed in the story to solve Phillip's problems, she is quite frankly going trough a existential crisis of her own, and he and his kids are invertedly helping her trough it. Because we come to learn that Eloise is a lot more than this talkative extrovert who likes to give orders. She is deeply concerned about life passing her by and everyone moving on with their lives except her and she just really wants to find out if falling inlove IS actually something she's been missing out all along.

And it turns out that our depressed single dad really never had anyone to teach him how to be a good person, other than his brother who died. But he's been muddling trough and all this time the depression was because he simply has been beating himself up most of his life, for not being good enough or 'man enough' to fix everything that's wrong in his life without help.

And this is where we reach the deconstruction of the trope, because at the end of the story, Phillip comes to terms with the fact that Eloise isn't this perfect idealized woman of his dreams, I mean she's certainly brilliant and wonderful but not perfect. And that's okay, he never wanted perfect, he just wanted someone who would smile and maybe love him. He never expected Eloise to change his life but she did and he doesn't know how to go back to living without that.

And then we see Eloise, who never thought anyone would need her or appreciate her for all the things everyone told her were flaws, like being loud, bossy and energetic. And tho Phillip is not perfect, he does try his best to be better every day and appreciate who she is as a person, not because of how she's good at fixing his life, but because she's herself, a kind, friendly no nonsense woman with a heart of gold who can and will stand up for herself even against someone she loves. He's not her perfect one dimensional hallmark hero, he has a life of his own, and hopes, dreams and fears, outside of just pleasing her and being her husband. But he would do anything to make her happy and that's all she needs to build a good marriage.

It's very much real, in TSPWL how sometimes we idealize the people we are writing to, when we have never met them in person and build them up to be these perfect paragons of virtue and then we meet them in person and it turns out the manic pixie dream girl has trauma and the hallmark one dimensional hero, is actually just a guy trying to figure out his life.

Maybe that's another thing i love so much about this couple.

[fatecantstopme]

Not Afraid to Love You

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Plus size!reader

Summary: You’re an Avenger, a recent addition, extremely adept at all things computer technology. When a mission goes sideways, everything changes for you.  

Warnings: Just a little bit of canon violence/death, angst, insecurity, body image issues, swearing, SMUT (18+). Oral (M & F receiving), penetrative sex, unprotected sex. 

Author’s Note: This one hits a little closer to home, as all plus-size reader stories do for me. I don’t usually write my plus-size reader as shy, self-deprecating, or super self-conscious, but I know how hard it is to be truly vulnerable with someone. To let them in and see all of you, inside and out. I just want you to remember that you’re beautiful. Your body is beautiful. Your shape, size, height, skin color, etc. does not make you unworthy of love. You deserve to be loved deeply and passionately by someone who respects you and appreciates every part of you. I hope you enjoy this story and I love each and every one of you.

You’d joined the Avengers almost a year ago, and what a year it has been. You were what Steve called “a computer genius”, which wasn’t exactly true, but even you had to admit you were extremely good with technology. There wasn’t anything you couldn’t code and you hadn’t met a single thing you couldn’t hack into. It was a skill that was desperately needed by the team in this technological era. 

You’d become fast friends with Natasha, spending a lot of your free time hanging out with her. Steve always felt more like a mentor to you than anything and you looked up to him. The rest of the team was always a lot of fun to be around and everyone had accepted you with open arms. 

Then there was Bucky Barnes. He was different. To say you were a little intimidated by the man would be a massive understatement. He was infinitely more beautiful in person than you’d expected and sooo much larger. He towered over most people and his body was simply built for power. He was beautiful, and so far out of your league he was in another universe. 

You didn’t look like the other girls on the team. You never had. You’d always been a little bigger. Thick thighs, bigger arms, large butt, large boobs, and a belly…which was definitely the thing you hated most. Everything else you could learn to work around, but not the belly. It was a sore spot for you even now. You weren’t shy, exactly, but you had a little bit of social awkwardness when you first met people, which you attributed to your self-consciousness. But around Bucky, it was a whole new level of awkward. You never knew what to say to him, so most of the time, you avoided him. You were never rude or anything, but you never sought out his company. 

Bucky was always nice to you. When you’d first arrived on the compound, he’d been friendly and outgoing, but when you weren’t reciprocating, he backed off. The last thing he wanted to do was make you uncomfortable. He knew what it was like to be the new guy (or gal). He was still polite and friendly, always treating you with respect. When you had to work together on a mission, you were always on the other end of the comms, so you had no issue keeping your head on straight. The few times you’d been required to go into the field for something, he’d either been elsewhere or on a different team. You liked it that way. It was just easier. 

This morning, you’d gotten a call from Nat saying you had a new mission. You got dressed and headed down to the conference room for the briefing. When you arrived, you were surprised to only see Natasha, Bucky, and Steve. “Where’s everyone else?” you asked. 

Steve turned to look at you. “Hey, (Y/N). It’s actually just going to be us. It’s a small covert mission, so we need a small team.”

“Okay. Where are you guys headed?” you asked as you sat down at the table beside Natasha. 

“Actually, we’re all going to London,” Steve replied. 

“All? I’m going to?”

Steve smiled. “Yeah, you’re actually the most important piece of this mission.”

You shrugged. “Okay, lay it on me.”

Steve explained the situation. Essentially some guy in London had some information that the team desperately needed. He was planning something major (like blowing up half a city, major) and it was vital that they get the information about his plan before anything happened. Only problem? That information was on a secure server that could only be accessed from inside the server room itself. He had state of the art computer defense technology and attempting to hack into it from the outside would be useless. 

“So you’re going to have to go into the building, access the server room, do whatever techy thing you do, and get back out,” Steve said. 

“Sounds simple,” you replied. “What’s the catch.”

“The entire place is basically a fortress,” Natasha chimed in. “Guards, high-level security, and the building itself is a maze.”

“Oh. Yeah sounds great,” you said sarcastically. 

“Don’t worry, we’re gonna get you in,” Natasha said. 

“By myself?” you asked worriedly.

“No way,” Steve cut in. “Bucky will be with you as your bodyguard.”

“Oh,” you squeaked out. Suddenly this mission sounded like an absolutely terrible horrible plan. 

“I’ll be monitoring the security system from the outside,” Natasha said. “Steve will be out front making a distraction. That way you and Bucky can sneak in without being seen.”

You nodded, not trusting your voice to speak. 

“I’ll keep you safe, (Y/N),” Bucky said gently. 

Just the sound of his voice made you weak in the knees. “Thank you, Bucky,” you said without looking at him. You turned your attention back to Steve. “When do we leave?”

“30 minutes. We don’t have time to waste.”

**********

30 minutes later and the four of you were loaded onto the Quinjet and on your way to London. You and Natasha were up front and Steve and Bucky sat in the rear. 

“You know, this isn’t exactly how I’d planned on visiting London for the first time,” you said lightly. 

Natasha laughed. “This is your first time?”

“Yeah.”

“Girl, it’s beautiful. Unfortunately, we won’t have time for sightseeing on this trip, but I promise you and I will take a vacation here. I’ll show you around.”

You smiled. “Thanks, Nat. Sounds like fun.”

“So you feeling good about everything? You ready?”

You shrugged. “As ready as I’m going to be for now.”

She smiled. “You’ve got this (Y/N/N).”

“Thanks.”

***********

When the four of you landed in London, you immediately headed to a hotel. The plan was to go over the details of the mission and prepare to execute it that night. 

You and Natasha shared a room, and Bucky and Steve had the room across the hall. The four of you gathered in your room to start planning. Steve laid out the plan again and Natasha pulled up the blueprints for the building. You’d studied them on the plane, so you were already familiar with the layout. You knew exactly where you needed to go to get to the server room. 

As night began to fall, your nerves began to rise. You knew you could do what needed to be done, but you weren’t sure if you could focus with Bucky being right there with you. You decided you would just have to pretend he was someone else. If you didn’t look at him, you could easily pretend he was Steve. 

When it came time to head out, the four of you split up. Natasha and Steve took a vehicle they had rented, while you and Bucky took a cab to about a block away from the building. It was a silent cab ride. You were nervous, and being in such close proximity to Bucky made it 1,000 times harder. Bucky, on the other hand, could tell you were uncomfortable and he assumed he was the cause, so he stayed quiet, leaving you to your thoughts. 

When the cab dropped you off, you did your best to get into mission-mode. “This way,” you said, pointing to the left. 

Bucky followed you, half a step behind you the entire way. You stopped once the building was in your sites. You both put your ear pieces in and did a quick comms check. Steve and Natasha responded that they could hear you. It was go time. 

You didn’t know exactly what Steve’s plan was for a distraction, but he implemented it quickly. Within moments, Natasha’s voice came over the comms telling you and Bucky to go. As you neared the side entrance to the building, you saw a guard rushing towards the front and away from you. 

“Apparently, Steve’s plan worked,” you mumbled. 

“They usually do,” Bucky whispered back. “Okay, let’s move.”

Bucky led the way through the side entrance in case there was anyone on the other side. The corridor was blissfully empty and the two of you made your way further inside the building. You pulled out the signal jammer you’d brought and switched it on. The guards would have no way of communicating with each other, but it also meant you couldn’t communicate with Natasha or Steve.

“Stairs on the right,” you whispered. 

Bucky nodded and moved towards the stairwell. He guided you down two flights before coming to a stop on the landing beside the door you needed to go through. 

You looked at him quizzically and he put a finger to his lips to silence you. As you watched him, you realized he was listening for any sounds on the other side of the doorway. Sounds you wouldn’t be able to hear with your normal human ears. 

When he decided it was safe to go, he nodded his head and lead you out the door and into a dark hallway. You pointed to a door just down the hall on your left. You mouthed “That one” and Bucky nodded. You quickly made your way to the door, which was locked with a numeric keypad. You smiled and pulled out a small device from your pocket. You plugged it in to the underside of the keypad and let the device do its job. Within seconds, the door unlocked and the two of you went inside. 

The lights flicked on automatically when you entered and you let out a little gasp. This was the biggest server room you’d ever seen. It had to span the entire floor…which definitely wasn’t on the blueprints. 

Bucky looked around. “Do you know where to go?”

His voice brought you back to the moment and the reason you were here. “Oh, yeah. Umm…it’s just down here.” You started walking towards the row you needed, but stopped when you realized Bucky wasn’t following you. “You coming?” 

He shook his head. “I’m going to guard the door. We don’t need any unwanted visitors.”

“Okay, I’ll be quick.” You hurried to the server row you were looking for and pulled your laptop out of your bag. It took you about 2 minutes to get into the system. Now, you just needed to find what you were looking for. 5 minutes passed. Then 10. Finally, you found the file folder you were looking for. You opened it up and smiled. “I love when bad guys are so organized,” you said to yourself. You copied the file onto your external flash drive and waited for it to upload. The file was massive, so you knew it was going to be a few minutes. “Almost done,” you called to Bucky. 

“Sounds good,” he called back. 

Thankfully, the file took less time to copy than you’d thought and you were able to remove the flash drive after a couple minutes. You tucked it carefully into your pocket before starting to erase any traces you may have left of your entry into the server. 

You were so focused on what you were doing that you didn’t hear footsteps come up behind you. You didn’t realize someone was there until you felt something cold and hard press into your spine. You froze, fingers still on the keyboard. 

“Don’t move,” an accented voice ordered. 

You did what he said. 

“Put the computer on the ground.” 

You slowly placed the laptop on the ground, afraid to move too quickly. 

The moment it touched the ground, the man began to stomp on it with his foot, busting keys and making irreparable damage to the machine. 

The noise alerted Bucky. “Hey, (Y/N), you alright?” he called.

The man behind you, who by now you had realized was a guard, gave you a look that said “if you don’t lie, I’ll shoot you.” So lie you did. “Yeah. I’m fine,” you called. 

There was a slight quiver in your voice that Bucky noticed immediately. He started to move towards where you were. 

The guard gestured for you to walk ahead of him. The gun was still pressed firmly against your spine, so you complied. As you rounded the corner back into the main walkway, you saw Bucky moving towards you. His face relaxed when he saw you unharmed, but quickly changed when he saw the guard behind you. 

Bucky’s gun was already in his right hand, but it was at his side. He didn’t dare move for fear of the guard shooting you. “Let her go,” Bucky demanded. 

“Stop there,” the guard told you. You stopped immediately and the guard came up to stand beside you, placing his gun against your temple. 

Bucky’s entire body screamed for him to do something, but he needed the element of surprise. It was the only way he could ensure you didn’t end up with a bullet in your head. Bucky’s eyes found yours and he could see the terror reflected in them. You were trembling and he could see how quickly your chest was rising and falling, indicating the rapid shallow breaths you were taking. “You’re okay, (Y/N/N). Everything’s going to be fine,” he said, making every attempt to sound reassuring. 

“Don’t lie to the girl. My employer has strict rules about intruders. They are to be dealt with swiftly and with finality. In other words, I’m sorry, but I must kill you both.” 

You whimpered and Bucky’s heart started racing. Seeing you terrified was bad enough, but that sound you’d just made? It ripped his heart into pieces. 

“Put your gun on the ground and kick it towards me,” the guard demanded. 

Bucky kept his eyes trained on you, trying to reassure you. He knew this was the moment he’d been waiting for. As he started to bend down, the guard’s focus shifted to the ground where he expected Bucky to place the gun. Instead, Bucky’s right arm snapped up and fired the gun in the blink of an eye. The bullet hit the guard directly in the forehead, killing him instantly. 

As the guard fell to the ground, Bucky ran to you. “(Y/N)? (Y/N), you’re okay. I’ve got you.” 

You didn’t respond. Your body was frozen in place, terror etched into your features. You couldn’t move even if you wanted to. It was like your brain had short-circuited. You had never faced your own mortality like that and you’d really believed you’d been about to die. 

Bucky knew you were scared, but he also knew you had to get out of there. “Doll, I need you to hear me, okay? Someone will have heard that gunshot. We need to go.”

Tears welled in your eyes and Bucky realized you were in shock. You couldn’t move. He looked at you with sadness in his soul and he whispered, “I’ve got you.” He scooped you up like you weighed nothing and rushed out of the room. He went out the same way you’d come in, carrying you up two flights of stairs with ease. When he got outside, he tried to call for Natasha or Steve, but he realized your signal jammer was still on. He dug into your pocket and pulled out the device. He switched it off and immediately Natasha’s voice came through his ear piece. “Bucky? (Y/N)? Can you guys hear me? The guards are coming to the server room. You need to get out of there!”

“Nat, it’s Bucky. We need a ride. Now.” Bucky started running in the direction of the rendezvous point. “(Y/N)? You still with me?” 

You whispered, “Bucky,” in the most broken voice he’d ever heard. He pushed his emotions down and kept moving. He just needed to get you out of there and somewhere safe. 

When he arrived at the rendezvous, Natasha and Steve were already waiting for him. Steve started to get out of the car when he saw Bucky carrying you, but Bucky yelled for him to get back in. He gently placed you in the back seat and slid in beside you. Natasha turned around, clearly worried about her friend, but Bucky yelled for her to drive. 

They made it back to the hotel in record time. When Natasha parked the car, Bucky looked over at you. Your eyes were closed, but your breathing had begun to level out. “(Y/N/N)?” he asked tentatively.

“I’m okay,” you whispered. 

Bucky nodded. “We’re at the hotel. Can you walk?”

You nodded.

By the time Steve and Natasha got out of the car, Bucky was already helping you out from your side of the vehicle. They exchanged worried glances as they watched Bucky steady you. You tried to take a step, but your legs were shaky and you almost fell. Bucky held you up and slipped his arm around you. “Just lean on me, okay? I’ve got you.” 

You did as he suggested and the four of you made your way into the hotel. When you reached your room, Natasha unlocked the door and everyone followed her in. Bucky helped you to the couch and then sat right beside you, not willing to let you out of his sight for even a moment. 

Natasha sat on the other side of you and Steve took the chair across. “What happened?” Steve asked gently. 

Bucky started to explain what had happened in the server room, but you cut him off. Your voice sounded dazed, but your words were clear. “I was finishing up. I—I didn’t hear him. I just felt the gun at my back.”

“A guard,” Bucky said softly.

You nodded. “He smashed my laptop. That’s—that’s the noise you heard.”

Bucky nodded and Natasha reached over to take your hand. 

“He told me to walk towards the center aisle,” you said, voice sounding stronger. “I couldn’t warn you. I—I didn’t—”

“Hey,” Bucky interrupted. “You were at gunpoint, doll. It’s okay.”

You kept talking as if he hadn’t spoken. “I saw you and I wanted to run, but I couldn’t.”

Natasha squeezed your hand and you took in a shaky breath. “I—It was—I…” you trailed off, unable to finish.

Bucky took over then, explaining how the guard had put his gun to your head, how Bucky had killed him, and then the two of you escaped. Bucky left out some of the details, simply saying you were in shock, so he carried you to get you out of there quickly. 

The realization finally dawned on you that Bucky had saved your life. “Thank you,” you whispered. 

“For what?” he asked softly.

“For saving me.”

Natasha squeezed your hand again. “It’s his job, sweetie.”

“Yeah, you don’t have to thank me.”

You shook your head. “Thank you,” you insisted.

He offered you a small smile. “You’re welcome, (Y/N).” 

“I’m sorry this happened to you, (Y/N/N),” Steve said softly. “But I’m glad you’re okay.”

You looked up at him and nodded. “Me too. Oh,” you reached into your pocket and pulled out the flash drive. “Everything we need is on there.” 

Everyone, including Bucky, looked surprised. “You got it?” Bucky asked. 

You nodded. “About 2 minutes before the guard found me.”

Steve picked up the flash drive. “You’re amazing, (Y/N). Truly. Thank you for doing this.”

Natasha patted your thigh. “You just saved a lot of lives, (Y/N/N).” 

Steve nodded his agreement. “We’ll exploit this as soon as we get back home. He won’t know what hit him.”

You just nodded, unsure of what to say. Honestly, you were just really tired. 

As always, Natasha seemed to read your mind, “Alright, (Y/N) needs her rest. Frankly, I think we all do. We leave at 0700 tomorrow, so go get some sleep.”

The two men stood up and said their goodnights. Bucky shot you one last lingering look before following his friend out the door. 

“(Y/N/N)? Why don’t you take a shower? It’ll make you feel better.”

You looked up at your friend and nodded. “Okay.” You made your way to the bathroom and got into the shower. You stood under the hot spray and realized she was right. It did make you feel a little better. 

When you finally came back out, Natasha had already gotten your bed all ready for you. “Get some sleep,” she said gently. “I’m gonna shower, but then I’ll be in the bed right next to you if you need me, okay?”

You nodded and murmured a soft “Thank you,” as you crawled into bed. The moment your head hit the pillow, exhaustion overtook you. You were asleep before Natasha was even in the shower.

**********

The next morning, Natasha’s gentle voice roused you from sleep. “Hey, time to get up. We’ve gotta get moving.”

Your eyes opened slowly and you sighed. “I’m awake.”

“How’d you sleep?”

“Shockingly well. Apparently exhaustion kills nightmares.”

“That’s good.” She stood up. “Come on. Let’s get ready and packed up.”

You both made quick work of getting ready and packing up your small bags. You hadn’t brought much, so it was pretty simple. 20 minutes after you’d gotten out of bed, the two of you were knocking on Steve and Bucky’s door. 

Steve opened the door with a warm smile. “Morning, ladies. We’re almost ready.” He gestured for you both to enter the room. 

Bucky was shoving the last of his things into his bag when you walked in. He looked over at you, concerned eyes scanning your face. You gave him a small smile and it was enough to get him to relax a little. “Good morning, (Y/N).”

“Hey, Bucky.”

Natasha and Steve exchanged a glance, small smiles etched on their faces. This was a very new interaction for the two of you. “How is it that you’re the last one ready, Barnes?” Natasha teased. “We’ve got places to be.”

“Beauty like this requires rest, Nat,” he joked as he zipped his bag shut. “Besides, I’m ready.”

Nat rolled her eyes and walked out the door, Steve right behind her. You started to follow, but Bucky called out your name. “Yeah?” you asked as you turned around.

“Are you—how did you—I mean, um. You okay?” 

“I’m alright, Buck. I promise.” You turned and headed out the door. 

Bucky quickly followed, trying not to focus on the fact that you’d called him a nickname for the first time ever. Sure, “Bucky” was technically a nickname, but everyone called him that. This was different. At least, it was different to him.

**********

When you arrived back at the compound, you just wanted to curl up in your room and read. The rest of the team stopped by throughout the day to see how you were doing and to ask if you needed anything. It was actually really sweet. The only person who didn’t stop by was Bucky. It surprised you how badly you wanted one of those knocks on your door to be from him. 

It was just past lunch time and you were curled up in your favorite chair in the corner of your room, nose buried in a book, your favorite place to be. You were in the middle of a really good part when there was a knock at your door. You groaned quietly, hating having to put the book down. It’s not that you didn’t appreciate your friends, you just really hated to be interrupted when you were reading. “It’s open,” you called. 

The door opened slightly and the top of a brunette’s head popped in. “Is it okay if I come in?”

Bucky. You straightened yourself out a little and said, “Sure.”

Bucky came into the room fully and took a look around. All of the rooms looked similar, but you’d taken the time to really make yours home. You’d painted it a soothing color and the walls were lined with books and different things that made you smile. Pictures hung on the walls and geeky knick-knacks adorned the shelves that you were so proud of. Pillows and blankets were piled on your bed, making it the comfiest spot in the room. Just above your bed hung a massive painting of a colorful dragon. It was one of your prized possessions. It was also the thing that seemed to have grabbed Bucky’s attention. 

“That is incredibly beautiful,” he commented. 

You blushed. “Oh, thank you. I, umm, I made it.”

He turned to you in shock. “You made that?”

You nodded. 

He took a step closer as if to inspect it better. He turned back to you and smiled warmly. “You’re incredibly talented.”

Your cheeks turned impossibly redder. “Thanks.”

He looked at the chair across from yours. It was the only seating in the room other than the bed and a small pouf that your feet were currently propped up on. “May I?” 

“Of course.”

He took a seat and looked at you intently. His deep blue eyes were piercing and it made you feel incredibly uncomfortable. Like he could see straight through you.

“How are you, (Y/N/N)?” he asked, eyes softening. 

“I’m okay, Bucky. Truly. It was a terrifying experience and I hated every minute of it, but I’m glad that we both came out on the other side.”

He nodded. “Me too. For the record, I was terrified too.”

Your eyes widened in surprise. “You were?”

“Of course I was. Fear is a normal reaction when faced with death. You just have to learn to overcome that fear and act.” 

“Technically you weren’t faced with death, I was.”

“Somehow that was worse. It made me feel powerless.”

There was something about the way he said it that you made you pause. “Because it was your job to protect me?”

“No. Because I care about you and I didn’t want to watch you die.”

“Oh…” you swallowed thickly. 

“This team is my family. I care about every single one of them and that includes you. I don’t want anything to happen to any of you.”

“Oh. Yeah. That makes sense. I feel the same way.” You’d thought…well for a moment, you’d thought he meant he cared about you…like cared. 

Bucky nodded. “So I uhh, I actually have an idea.”

“Oh?”

“I think you should learn self-defense.”

You laughed, but stopped when you realized he was serious. “Oh, you’re not kidding. Well, Bucky no one has time to teach me self-defense. Everyone is busy doing their own training.”

“I could teach you.”

You felt your face turn bright red. “Umm…”

Bucky felt your discomfort and immediately backed off. “Or, I mean, I could umm…I could see if Natasha isn’t busy and can maybe teach you, ya know if you want—”

He’d started rambling and you realized you might have said the wrong thing. Sure, training with Bucky could be an absolutely terrible idea given how you felt about him, but something had changed in you. Facing your own mortality gave you a different outlook. It made you bolder, less afraid. “I want to learn and I want you to teach me,” you said, interrupting him.

He opened and closed his mouth a few times as he digested your words. “Okay, um. Awesome! Yeah. This will be fun.”

You smiled. “When do you wanna start?”

“Tomorrow morning?”

“Sure. Sounds like a plan.”

“Awesome,” Bucky said again. Clearly at a loss for words. He was surprised that you’d actually agreed to letting him train you. But he had to admit he was incredibly excited about it. “So I’ll…I’ll see you in the morning, then?”

“Yup. See you then.”

He got up and left your room, sending you a little wave on his way out. You sat in your chair, book completely forgotten. Your mind was focused on the conversation you’d just had and what you’d agreed to. You looked down at your body and felt uneasy. You weren’t athletic by anyone’s standards…and you certainly weren’t at Bucky’s level of skill and prowess. But you hated feeling weak. You hated feeling defenseless. And you were angry at yourself for freezing up the way you did. I mean, Bucky had to carry you for god’s sake…up 2 flights of stairs! It was absolutely mortifying. But what gave you pause was the fact that Bucky actually seemed excited to train you. So even though you were moderately terrified and absolutely embarrassed of your physical appearance and lack of abilities, you were also looking forward to the next morning. 

**********

You met Bucky the next morning in the gym. He was waiting for you by the mats, already starting to stretch. The man literally looked like a Greek God brought to life and you suddenly felt the urge to run away. He was literally just wearing a t-shirt and shorts and you were about ready to pass out. You’d worn all black. Black leggings, black t-shirt. Black was safe. Hid the sweat and maybe some of the fat too. 

Bucky looked up and saw you. He sent you a grin and waved you over. Your only thought was I am so totally fucked. You walked over to him and smiled, pretending you were totally chill. “Morning, Bucky.”

“Morning, (Y/N/N). You ready for this?”

“Mhm.” Even you didn’t think you sounded convincing. 

He laughed. “It’s day one, doll. We’ll take it slow.” 

Your blood started pounding in your ears. Doll. He called you doll. You had a sudden flashback to the night of the mission. He’d called you doll then too…you’d just been too focused on other things to notice. You’d never heard him call someone doll before and you had to admit you liked it. “Okay, I’m ready.”

He smiled. “We’re just gonna start by stretching. Warming up is really important so you’re not as sore tomorrow. We’ll stretch after too.”

You nodded and mimicked his stance. Every stretch he did, you followed suit. Once you were adequately warmed up, he started to show you the first step. 

“I don’t want you to just learn how to defend yourself. I want you to learn how to fight and win. Sure, I would rather you be able to run away, but if you’re backed into a corner, you need to know you can get out of it.”

You nodded. “Teach me, sensi.”

He laughed heartily and it was the most beautiful sound you had ever heard. “Sensi. I like that, but I think you can just call me Bucky.”

You smiled. “You’ve got it, Bucky.”

He chuckled and then got down to business. By the end of the session, you were tired and covered in sweat. Bucky, meanwhile, looked perfect. Bastard wasn’t even out of breath. “You did really well today, (Y/N/N).”

“You’re full of shit, but I appreciate it.”

“I’m serious. For having never fought before in your life, that was pretty good.”

“Thanks, Buck. I feel disgusting, so I’m gonna go take a shower. See you at breakfast?”

He nodded and watched you walk away, feeling a warmth spread through his chest. You’d called him “Buck” again and you joked around with him…which is something you’d never done before. He loved it. He had a feeling he was really going to enjoy these training sessions. 

**********

After the first lesson, you were achy and sore as hell. But you still got up the next morning and trained with him again. You’d trained with Bucky every single morning for the past month and you were finally feeling like you could hold your own. You’d started wearing tank tops to fight in; realizing it was way too damn hot to wear sleeves. You’d switched to capris as well, but you weren’t quite ready to switch to shorts. No one wanted to see your dimpled thighs. 

You’d had a really good session that morning and you were feeling pretty good about yourself. You were also getting to know Bucky better and you found yourself wanting to spend as much time with him as possible. You liked him. Really liked him. Not just because he was the most beautiful man you’d ever seen, but because he was Bucky.

When you crawled into bed that night, you expected to have a nice peaceful sleep. Just like you did most nights. You’d had a couple nightmares since the mission, but nothing you couldn’t handle. 

Unfortunately for you, fate had different plans. You hadn’t been asleep very long when you were dropped into the middle of a dream. You were back in the server room. But this time, Bucky was the one with the gun to his head. You felt powerless…terrified. All the skills you had developed wouldn’t be able to save him. You weren’t faster than a speeding bullet. So you watched, helpless, as the guard pulled the trigger and Bucky slumped to the ground. You had just enough time to scream his name before the guard pointed his gun at you and pulled the trigger. 

You woke up with a start, covered in sweat. Your hands were shaking and your heart was racing. You stumbled out of bed and into your bathroom to splash water on your face. “It was just a dream,” you said to yourself. “Just a dream.” You looked in the mirror and then closed your eyes. Flashes of the dream played on the backs of your eyelids. You opened your eyes and sighed. You took a deep breath and got in the shower, rinsing the sweat from your body. You put on clean pjs and crawled back into bed. But as you stared at the ceiling, you realized there was no way in hell you’d be able to sleep. You rolled over and grabbed your phone, unlocked it, and opened up your messages app. You typed a text to Bucky that simply said “I had a nightmare.” Your finger hovered over the send button, debating whether or not you should send it. It was almost 1am…maybe it wasn’t fair to wake him. You shifted in bed, just enough to make your finger slip and hit the send button. Well…too late now. 

You figured he would text you back and ask about the nightmare…or maybe text you in the morning when he woke up. He might have his phone silenced when he sleeps. It had been 2 minutes since you sent the text and he hadn’t responded. You sighed and thought about your life choices. 

Suddenly, there was a gentle knock on your door. “(Y/N/N)?” Bucky’s soft voice called from the other side of the door.

Well that was not one of the scenarios you’d expected. You jumped out of bed and grabbed a robe, throwing it on and smoothing your hair before you opened the door. There he stood, sweatpants hung low on his hips and a t-shirt; hair all a mess from sleep. “Bucky.”

His concerned eyes met yours. “I got your text. You okay?”

“Yeah, it was just a nightmare.”

“A bad enough one that reached out to me in the middle of the night.”

“Yeah, I—I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. It’s late and you were probably asleep—”

Bucky entered your room and shut the door, effectively cutting off your rambling apology. “It’s fine, doll. I know what it’s like to have nightmares that you can’t escape.”

You looked at him in silence for a moment. You knew his past. Some you’d gotten from Steve or Natasha, but a lot of it you’d gotten from him just in the past month. You knew if anyone would understand what you were feeling, it was him. Tears welled in your eyes and you sat on the edge of the bed. 

“Hey,” he said softly as he sat beside you. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

You stared at your hands and felt the tears fall down your cheeks. “I was back there. In that room. But it wasn’t like it really happened. You were me and I was you…and I didn’t—I couldn’t—we both died,” you trailed off in a whisper. 

Bucky didn’t hesitate to pull you into a hug. He held you tightly and let you cry on his shoulder. “We’re both here, (Y/N/N). We both made it out alive. You’re stronger now than you were then. Things would end differently.”

You pulled away from him and shook your head. “That’s the thing, Bucky. It wouldn’t. Everything you taught me is great if I’m the one in danger. But what if it’s someone else? What if it’s you? And I can’t save you because I don’t know how to shoot a gun or throw a knife or any of that?”

He reached up and tucked a strand of hair behind your ear so he could wipe the tears from your cheeks. “I’ll protect you, doll. You don’t have to worry about that.”

“You can’t promise that, Bucky. I don’t want to be powerless.”

He sighed. “I’ll teach you anything you want to learn.”

“Thank you,” you whispered. 

He stood up and for a moment you thought he was leaving. Instead, he picked up a couple pillows from the floor and stacked them up against your headboard before crawling into your bed. He patted the spot beside him. “Come on. You should get some sleep.”

You looked up at him in confusion.

“I’m not going to leave you alone, (Y/N). I don’t want you to feel afraid. So I’ll stay until you fall asleep.”

You stared at him in silence. This man was going to be the death of you. This was not how you’d imagined him in your bed, but somehow this very caring, very real moment was better. You stood up and made your way to the other side of the bed. You slid under the covers and discovered it was virtually impossible to lay in your bed and not touch him. Your queen-sized bed had never felt so small. 

As if he sensed your trepidation, he whispered, “Come here.” He reached out and pulled you into his side, forcing you to rest your head on his chest. There was something incredibly intimate about this moment, but you were desperate to not think about it. 

His cold metal fingers danced gently against the skin of your upper arm. It was an exceptionally soothing motion and it calmed you. You found yourself relaxing against his chest, letting the slow, steady beat of his heart lull you to sleep. 

When you woke up the next morning, you were surprised to hear deep breathing coming from behind you. You felt a heavy weight draped across your stomach and your hand reached out to touch it. You felt cold metal against your skin and the events of the night before came back to you. You glanced up at the clock on the wall and saw that it was 7:15am. It was the morning and Bucky was still in bed with you. He’d stayed the entire night. 

Your movements stirred him from his slumber. “Morning, doll,” he mumbled, voice thick with sleep. 

“Morning,” you said softly. You desperately tried to calm your pounding heart, knowing full-well that his super soldier ears could hear it. 

He breathed in deeply and you felt the stubble on his cheek rub against your shoulder and you sucked in a breath. His lips brushed against your hair and he murmured, “Did you sleep okay?”

You had to force yourself to breathe and formulate some sort of response to the man. “Mhmm.” That’s not a real response, (Y/N), you thought internally. 

He nuzzled in closer to you and tightened his grip on your waist. “Me too. Your bed is so comfy.”

You chuckled in what you hoped was a light, pleasant way, and not the extremely awkward-wtf is going on-way that you were feeling. His arm was tight around your stomach and you suddenly felt overwhelmingly self-conscious. He was touching your stomach. James Buchanan Barnes, sexiest man alive, was touching your fat rolls. 

Bucky felt your body tense against him and it woke him up more. “You alright?” he asked gently. 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m good. I just, umm. I have to pee,” you lied. Well, it wasn’t exactly a lie…you kinda did have to pee.

He laughed and released you. “I suppose you can use the bathroom.”

You jumped out of the bed like it was on fire and rushed to the bathroom. You dropped your head on the sink and groaned. Could you be more awkward? The man of your dreams was literally in your bed, and you acted like he had leprosy. You sighed and dragged yourself to the toilet to do what you’d come in here to do. When you were done, you washed your hands and face and did your best to not look entirely homeless as you walked back out. You brushed your teeth before exiting the bathroom because no one likes morning breath. 

Bucky was still laying in your bed, eyes shut, when you opened the door. He was just so handsome it actually hurt you to look at him. He opened his eyes when he heard the door close again and he smiled at you. “Come back to bed.”

You chuckled and sat on the edge of the bed, facing him. “It’s already 7:30, sleepy head. We have training in 30 minutes.”

“We could skip one day of training,” he mumbled. 

You laughed. “Nope. Not when you’re supposed to teach me everything I want to learn.”

He groaned. “I’m suddenly regretting that promise.” His tone was light and teasing, but he sent you a wink just to make sure you knew he was joking. He sighed and rolled out of the bed. “Since you’re so demanding, I’ll go take a shower and meet you downstairs in 20 minutes.”

You smiled. “Make it 15…since I’m so demanding.”

He laughed. “I walked into that.” He opened your door and peered out before leaving and closing the door behind him.

It was only as he left that you realized he was looking to see if anyone was in the hallway…he didn’t want to be seen leaving your room in the morning. Of course he didn’t. He wouldn’t want people to think there was anything sexual going on between you two. You looked down at your body and then walked over to the full length mirror. You took off your robe and stared at yourself in your pjs. You felt tears well in your eyes and you felt miserable. There was no way someone like Bucky would ever want to be with someone like you. He was just a really good friend and was too nice to say no. 

**********

You weren’t your usual self during that morning’s training session. Or the one after that. Or the one after that. In fact, it was an entire week before Bucky finally stopped you in the middle of a session to insist you tell him what was bothering you. 

“Nothing, Bucky. Can we please just spar?” Words you never thought you’d say. 

“Not until you tell me the truth. I’m not an idiot. You’ve been walking around with a frown on your face for a week straight. You’ve barely spoken to me and I’m pretty sure you haven’t even made eye contact with me since last week.”

You deliberately made eye contact with him just to prove him wrong. You were surprised to see sadness and a little bit of hurt in his blue eyes. “I’ve just got a lot on my mind, that’s all. I didn’t mean to take it out on you,” you said softly.

His expression softened. “So you’re not upset with me?”

You offered him a small smile. “No, Bucky. I’m not upset with you.”

He smiled and looked relieved. It dawned on you that he really was worried you were upset with him. He cared about you, even if it was just as a friend. You needed to do better to respect that and therefore, respect him. “So, can I punch you now?” you joked. 

He laughed. “Bring it, sweets.” He dropped into a defensive stance and waited for your advance. 

You threw the punch knowing full well he was going to block you and likely knock you on your ass. Problem was, you couldn’t focus. Bucky had just dropped a new nickname on you and you were utterly unprepared for it. 

You groaned as your back hit the mat and Bucky hovered over you. “What kinda punch was that?” he teased. He stood up and gave you a hand up as well. 

You stretched your back. “I was just testing you.”

He laughed. “Aren’t I supposed to be testing you?”

“Fine, let’s do it again.”

**********

It had been another three weeks since your little chat with Bucky. You’d continued training every day and you felt like you were making real progress. From what you could tell, Bucky agreed. 

This morning, you were really giving him a run for his money. You were both drenched in sweat and neither one of you had tapped out of the fight yet…45 minutes in. 

“Did you eat some sort of super energy bar this morning or something?” Bucky complained breathlessly. 

“Nope, I just woke up ready to kick some ass,” you said with a grin, equally breathless. 

This was longer than your usual sparring matches, so naturally, other members of the team had started wandering into the gym to do their workouts. Steve and Natasha had set up on the mats across the room, giving them a great view of the fight between you and Bucky. 

“She’s really doing great,” Steve commented. 

“I know. I’m so proud,” Natasha said with a smile. 

The two of them continued to stretch, but they didn’t take their eyes off of you and Bucky. Bucky swung his fist towards you, but you easily ducked, sliding behind him and getting a kick into his side. That kick was enough to knock him off balance and you took that opportunity to tackle him from the side, knocking him to the ground. 

For a second, you were on top of him, but he quickly flipped you over, pinning you to the ground. You struggled for a moment, but then seemed to give up. Bucky lowered his guard, giving you the perfect moment to strike. You flipped him onto his back and straddled his torso. Before he could register what was happening, you’d pulled a knife out of your boot and held it to his neck. 

His eyes widened as he realized you’d won. “That’s my girl,” he said with a smile. 

You shot him a grin, reveling in the fact that you had beaten the super solider. You were both out of breath and an absolute sweaty mess, but there was something in the air in that moment. A deep desire-filled tension. 

Bucky couldn’t help but love the way you looked straddling his hips, breathless and sweaty. He fought the urge to grab you and kiss you…an urge he’d been fighting for months. 

Your eyes couldn’t tear themselves away from his. You wanted him with the kind of desperation that would normally embarrass you. But in that moment, looking into his lust-filled eyes, you thought that maybe, just maybe, he wanted you just as badly. 

The tension was broken by the whoops and hollers coming from the other side of the room. Steve and Natasha were running over to you, cheering obnoxiously. It was actually kind of endearing. 

You looked back down at Bucky and grinned. “Guess we should get up.”

Bucky’s hands gripped your legs, silently pleading with you to stay. You gave him a gentle swat and pulled yourself out of his grip. Once you were on your feet, you reached a hand out to help him up, which he took gratefully. 

“My whole body aches,” he murmured.

You laughed. 

Steve and Natasha had reached you and both of them were excited. 

“You beat him, girl! That was freaking awesome,” Natasha said. 

“Thanks, Nat.”

“Seriously, that was excellent fighting, (Y/N).”

You smiled at Steve. “I did have a good teacher.”

Bucky smiled. “A teacher you just beat.”

“I do feel pretty good about that, actually. Especially since you’re a super soldier and all that.”

He laughed. “Okay, guys, Literally every part of my body aches and I feel like a giant sweaty mess. I need to hit the showers.” He turned to you. “I’m proud of you, doll,” he said quietly, as if the words were only meant for you to hear. 

You smiled warmly. “Thanks, Buck.”

Bucky walked off towards the locker room and you watched him walk away. 

“I kinda can’t believe I won,” you said lightly.

“Well believe it sister, because it was incredible,” Natasha said with a grin.

You smiled at your friends, feeling very good about yourself. “I hate to agree with Bucky, but I also need a shower. I feel gross.”

They both congratulated you again and let you escort yourself back to your room for a much needed shower. 

**********

After your shower, you went down to the kitchen to get something to eat. You were starving. Unsurprisingly, Bucky was already there, making himself an omelet…or three omelets, maybe?

When you entered, Bucky looked up and shot you a grin. “How you feeling, champ?”

“Like an actual champion,” you teased. “But also, parts of my body ache that I didn’t know could ache.”

He laughed. “I feel that, actually.”

“You’re a super soldier. Give it an hour and you’ll be fine.”

“There are perks.” He flipped his omelets. “Want one?”

“Oh, I’m okay. I was just going to make something.”

“Well I have 3 and I probably only need 2…so if you want it…”

“Well, since you’re offering and I don’t have to cook, then I’ll take it. Thanks.”

“Have a seat, I’ll bring it to you when it’s done.”

You plopped down at the kitchen table and watched the handsome man finish making breakfast. There was something incredibly sexy about him being all domesticated and whatnot. 

A few minutes later, he sat a plate in front of you, giant omelet barely fitting. He had another plate for himself, his two omelets stacked on top of each other. You noticed that your omelet was the biggest of the three and if you weren’t starving, you would probably have argued with him about it. 

You took your first bite and let out an involuntary moan. “Holy crap, that’s good.”

Bucky’s body tensed up when he heard that sound. It made his breath catch in his chest and heart skip a beat. “Glad you like it, doll.”

You smiled at him between bites. “It’s delicious.” 

As the two of you ate your breakfast, Bucky watched you with a small smile on his face. You looked so beautiful like this. Your hair was still damp from the shower, no makeup, wearing leggings and an oversized t-shirt, but you were absolutely the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. “We should go to dinner tonight,” he heard himself say.

You nearly choked on your food. “What?”

“Ya know…to celebrate you kicking my ass.”

You nodded. “Yeah, sure. That’ll be fun. You’re buying,” you teased.

He grinned. “Of course I’m buying. I’m the one who lost, after all.” He paused. “Meet out front at 7?”

You smiled. “Sounds perfect. What should I wear?”

He thought about it for a moment. “Something nice. We’re not going to a Denny’s,” he teased. 

You laughed. “Alright, so no sweatpants. Got it.”

**********

20 minutes later and you were knee deep in clothes in the middle of your closet. “I have nothing to wear,” you mumbled to yourself. 

“Knock, knock,” Natasha said as she popped her head into your closet. She looked at you in the middle of the pile of clothes and chuckled. “What’cha doin’?”

“Bucky and I are going to dinner tonight to celebrate my big win and I have absolutely nothing to wear.”

Natasha looked at all the clothes on the ground and the ones still hanging. “This is a big closet and it’s filled with clothes.”

“Yeah, but nothing nice. He said to wear something nice.”

Natasha’s eyes widened knowingly. “Oh, I see. Okay, then. We’ll just have to go shopping. Come on.”

You climbed out of the closet and followed your friend to her room. “Where are we going, exactly?”

“I know a store downtown. It’s the perfect place to find exactly what you’re looking for.”

You had a feeling it would definitely not be the perfect place, especially if Natasha shopped there. You weren’t exactly the same size. “Are you sure?”

“Absolutely. Let’s go.”

30 minutes later, you were standing in the entrance of a very beautiful boutique filled with all kinds of really nice clothing. What surprised you were the mannequins throughout the store. They were all different shapes and sizes, indicating that the store itself catered to a variety of body types. 

You looked at Natasha and she had a smile on her face. “Come on, let’s find you something perfect.”

Natasha grabbed absolutely every dress she thought would look even halfway decent on you. She wanted you to try on everything. You’d always hated trying on clothes, but Natasha’s energy was rubbing off on you. You had to have tried on about 30 dresses before she handed you one that you thought would never work. “Umm, Nat? Isn’t it a little short?”

“Just try it on,” she insisted. 

You sighed and closed the curtain. You slipped the dress on and managed to get the zipper pulled up by yourself. When you looked in the mirror, you let out a small gasp. The dress was a beautiful silky black with gold detailing. The bodice was form fitting, but not too tight, and it didn’t make your boobs look like they were about to spill out of the dress. The sleeves were soft butterfly sleeves that floated off of your shoulders. The length had made you nervous when you’d seen it on the hanger, but it looked perfect on you. You were definitely showing more leg than you were used to, but somehow, in this dress, you didn’t care. The lower half of the dress was more flowy than the top, but it was still structured. It had a beautiful ruffle down the left side that hid what you wanted it to hide and accentuated what you wanted it to accentuate. 

You slowly opened the curtain and stepped out so Natasha could see you. Your friend let out a squeal of excitement. “That’s it. That’s the one.” She jumped up to get a better look. “Spin around.”

You did as she said and you couldn’t help but smile. The dress was truly beautiful, but more importantly, you felt beautiful in it. 

“(Y/N), you look incredible,” Natasha said warmly. “You have to get this dress.” 

For the first time, you looked at the price tag and nearly had a heart attack. “This is an $800 dress!”

Natasha shrugged. “Worth it.”

“Nat, I can’t drop $800 on a dress.”

“Well if you don’t, I will. We are not leaving this store without that dress.”

“You don’t need to do that.”

“Yes I do. Now go get changed.”

You went back into the dressing room and looked at yourself in the mirror again. Natasha was right, you looked incredible. You needed this dress. Besides, it was for a special occasion, sorta. 

You changed your clothes and came out with the dress neatly on its hanger. Natasha already had the saleswoman waiting, ready to take it to the front and wrap it up for you. You handed it to her and Natasha grabbed your arm and pulled you towards the cash register. “Are you sure about this, Nat?”

“Absolutely, (Y/N/N). I’m buying you this dress. Consider it an extremely early birthday present.”

You laughed. “I’ll pay you back.”

“Nope. What don’t you understand about present?” She pulled out her credit card to pay and swatted your hand away when you tried to use your own. You couldn’t afford the dress and both of you knew it.

When you left the store, dress in hand, you felt giddy with excitement. You gave Natasha a hug and she laughed. “Now you’re excited, aren’t you?”

You nodded. “This dress is fire.” 

“Damn straight. Boy ain’t gonna know what hit him,” she joked. 

You smiled at your friend and felt the butterflies start dancing in your stomach. You linked arms and leaned into her. “Let’s go home. I need to make sure I have plenty of time to get ready.”

Natasha gave your arm a light squeeze. “I’ll help. I’m a sucker for this kind of thing?”

“What kind of thing?”

“Romance,” she said lightly. 

You smacked her. “It’s just two friends going out to celebrate something. It’s not a date!”

She laughed. “Yeah, okay. Suuuure.”

You rolled your eyes, but on the inside, you suddenly felt worried. This was just two friends going out, right? 

**********

By 6:30 you were ready to go. Natasha had done your hair and makeup and you had to admit you looked pretty damn incredible. She’d helped you into your dress and she even let you borrow a pair of heels that she insisted were made for this dress. When you looked at yourself in her full-length mirror, you had to agree. 

Natasha came up behind you, a big smile on her face. “You look beautiful, (Y/N). A vision.”

You blushed. “Oh stop.”

“I’m serious! You look good. So flaunt it. Leave him wanting more.” 

You turned to your friend. “Nat, just friends, remember?”

“Okay, fine…but are you really telling me you don’t find him the least bit attractive?”

You sighed. “I’d have to be blind not to.”

“Exactly! And he clearly thinks you’re attractive, so why not?”

You laughed. “What on earth makes you think he finds me attractive?”

She just stared at you. “(Y/N). I have eyes. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. Especially when you’re not paying attention.”

Now it was your turn to stare. “Really?” 

“Yeah, really. I’m not the only one who noticed, either. Steve mentioned it to me.”

You rolled your eyes. “Did he mention it to you or did you mention it to him and he agreed?”

She laughed. “I swear, he mentioned it to me.”

You just shook your head. “You’re insane, but I love you.”

She smiled. “I love you too. It’s time for you to get going.” She wrapped you in a tight hug. “Have fun, okay? You deserve it.”

“I will.” You walked out of her room and down the hall towards the elevators. You felt like royalty in this dress, so you made sure you walked like royalty. On the elevator ride down to the first floor, you found yourself feeling increasingly nervous. Was Natasha right? Was this actually a date? There’s no way Bucky would take you on a date. Even if he did, wouldn’t he have said it was a date? Or was it implied? Shit.

By the time the elevator doors opened, you’d worked yourself up into a giant ball of anxiety. You took a deep breath in an attempt to calm your nerves and stepped out into the hall. You reminded yourself that you were strong and you could do this without being incredibly awkward or uncomfortable. Your mini pep-talk made you feel a little better, so you headed towards the front doors. You sincerely hoped Bucky didn’t expect you to ride his motorcycle in this outfit, but he didn’t own any other vehicle…

When you stepped outside, you saw Bucky standing beside an extremely expensive Porche convertible. He looked amazing. He was wearing a very nice dark blue suit and a crisp white shirt with the collar undone. Just looking at him made your heart skip a beat. “New car?” you asked lightly as you started down the steps. 

Bucky looked up at the sound of your voice and was rendered absolutely speechless. He couldn’t do anything but stare at you. He even forgot to breathe. 

When you reached the bottom step, you felt a little uncomfortable. Bucky had been silent since he’d noticed you and it was starting to freak you out a little. “Bucky?” you asked tentatively. 

He realized he’d been staring and he cleared his throat. “(Y/N), you look…”

You misinterpreted his inability to find words as disapproval of your appearance. As irrational as it may have been, that had been your prior experience. You opened your mouth to say something, anything to make this discomfort end, but Bucky cut you off. 

“…gorgeous,” he finished. 

You closed your mouth and opened it again, unable to believe your ears. “Really?”

“Stunning,” he said softly. “Absolutely breathtaking. I should know. I’m pretty sure I forgot how to breathe when you first came out.”

That was easily the sweetest thing anyone had ever said to you. The fact that it was coming from Bucky Barnes only made it that much sweeter. ��Thank you,” you murmured, feeling the heat creeping into your cheeks. “You look pretty good, yourself.” 

He laughed. “I look like a homeless man compared to you.” He stepped aside and opened the passenger door for you. “My lady,” he said as he gestured for you to get in. 

Once you were safely in the vehicle, he closed the door and made his way to the driver’s side. He slid into his seat and started the car. The engine made a lovely purring sound and you sighed contentedly. 

Bucky glanced over at you and smiled. “Tony let me borrow it.”

“Huh?”

“The car,” he said as he hit the accelerator. “He might regret it later.” 

You laughed and sat back in your seat. “So where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise.” 

You groaned. “What if I don’t like surprises?”

“Oh, you’re gonna like this one.”

You watched the world go by through the window. It was a beautiful night. Clear skies, a bright moon, and brilliant stars. The closer you got to the city, the dimmer those stars became. To your surprise, you passed through the downtown area without stopping. You’d assumed he wanted to take you some place there. When Bucky finally pulled the car over, you realized where you were. “Are you—are we--?” 

He laughed at your inability to form a sentence. “Yes, we are.” He got out of the car, handed the valet his key, then helped you out of your side. 

When you got out of the car, you looked up at the massive building before you. The building itself wasn’t anything special, but it sat right beside a beautiful lake, and more importantly it housed one of the best restaurants in the country. A restaurant that was absolutely impossible to get a reservation in. You should know, you’d tried a hundred times. 

Bucky took your hand and placed it on his arm. “You still with me, doll?”

“I think so,” you said softly. 

He chuckled and led you into the building. When you got on the elevator, he pushed the button for the very top floor. You looked at him in wonder. How the hell did he manage to get a reservation here and on such short notice?

When the doors slid open, you let out a small gasp. Bucky escorted you off the elevator and nudged you gently. “Your jaw is on the floor,” he whispered. 

You closed your mouth and shot him a look. His eyes were filled with mischief and it made you laugh. 

Bucky guided you to the host stand and indicated he had a reservation under the name “Barnes”. While he and the host talked, you took the opportunity to look around the restaurant. It was beautiful. Ornate without being stuffy. Everything looked luxurious and you had to suppress the desire to touch everything. 

“Doll?” Bucky said again, breaking you from your trance.

“Sorry, what did you say?”

He chuckled. “Our table is ready.”

“Oh.” You let him take your hand as you followed the host to your table. To your surprise, the host guided you both to the beautiful rooftop balcony that overlooked the city. You looked at Bucky and he just shot you a warm smile. When you reached the table the host went to help you with your chair, but Bucky beat him to it. 

With both of you seated and waiting for the server, you finally had a moment to speak. “How is any of this possible? No one can get a reservation here. Literally no one. Except super famous people and the insanely rich.”

Bucky shrugged. “I happen to know a guy who’s both. And he owed me a favor.”

Realization dawned on your face. “Tony.” Bucky grinned and you laughed. “I should have known. He must really owe you big if he got you this reservation and let you borrow one of his cars.”

Bucky nodded. “I’d say we’re even now.”

The server came over and asked what you’d like to drink. 

You were thinking a glass of wine would help calm your nerves and apparently Bucky was thinking the same thing. “A bottle of your best oaky Chardonnay, please.” He glanced over at you. “That’s your favorite, right?”

You stared at him in stunned silence, simply nodding your head in agreement. The server left to get you a bottle and you finally regained the ability to speak. “How did you know that?”

“I listen,” he said simply. 

You made a funny noise, somewhere between a scoff and a chuckle. “Well, did you know that I’ve been dying to eat here since it opened? And that I’ve tried to get a reservation literally a hundred different times?”

“I did. And I know that you always wanted to eat out on the balcony because you wanted to enjoy the view while you ate.”

Your jaw dropped. “Seriously, how did you know that?”

“You told me once.”

“When?”

He thought about it for a moment. “Probably 6 months ago or so?”

“Damn. Apparently you have an incredible memory.”

“I remember everything you say.” 

You were surprised by his statement, but you didn’t have the chance to reply because the server returned with the bottle of wine. He poured a glass for each of you and then left you to decide what you wanted to eat. 

You took a sip of the wine as you perused the menu. “Wow. That’s amazing.”

He smiled. “I’m glad you like it. So what are you thinking of eating?”

“I don’t know. Literally every dish on this menu looks good.”

“So we’ll get some of everything, then.”

“What?” you asked incredulously.

“Why not? We’re celebrating.”

“Bucky, that would be insanely expensive.”

He shrugged. “You’re worth it.”

You didn’t know how to respond to that. This man was trying to kill you with these compliments. There was a little voice in the back of your head that sounded a hell of a lot like Natasha saying, “This is definitely a date.” 

The server returned a few moments later to check on you. You indicated you were ready to order and Bucky agreed, gesturing for you to go first. You ordered a single entrée and an appetizer that sounded really good. Bucky, on the other hand, ordered five different entrees and three appetizers. 

When the server left to go put in your order, you looked at Bucky in shock. “Do you know what you just ordered?”

“All of your favorite dishes? Yes, I’m perfectly aware.”

You stared at him in shock. “Seriously, are you messing with me?”

He looked confused. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, there’s no way this is real. Why are you treating me so nicely and how is it physically possible for you to remember this much about me?”

He cocked his head to the side. “Is it really so impossible that I simply enjoy being around you and I want to treat you like you deserve to be treated?”

“A little, yeah.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re…well you’re you.”

Bucky nodded. “Excellent reasoning,” he said sarcastically. 

You sighed. “I’m just in shock, I think. That’s all.”

“Well don’t be. This is real. I promise.” He reached across the table and squeezed your hand. 

You took a deep breath and smiled at him. You did everything you could to push your inner voice down…the one that kept insisting there was no way he could like you. You looked out over the city, admiring the view you’d been dreaming about. “It really is beautiful up here. The city looks like it’s glowing.”

Bucky made a sound of affirmation, but he wasn’t looking at the view. “It doesn’t compare to what’s right in front of me.”

You turned to look at him and realized he was talking about you. You were the only thing in front of him…other than the table. “Me?” you asked softly. 

He smiled, a warm, deeply affectionate smile. “You.”

You found yourself letting your guard down and really enjoying the moment. You let his words seep in. Not just that one, but all the words he’d said tonight. “Bucky?”

“Yeah, doll?”

The pet name gave you the same butterflies it always did, but this time there was something else mixed in. Something more passionate. “Thank you.”

“Nothing to thank me for.”

“Of course there is. This is genuinely the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me.”

“You deserve it. You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met. You deserve the world.”

You took another sip of your wine and let the alcohol warm your body. You were having an amazing night and you still couldn’t believe where you were…or who you were with. You weren’t sure which one was more surprising. 

When the food arrived, the two of you sampled everything. Eating little bits of each one, sharing it with each other, and coming back for more. By the time you’d finished eating, you were stuffed. “It’s highly likely I ate too much,” you said with a light chuckle.

“I think we ate just enough.”

“I feel like I might actually explode.”

He laughed. “Well that would be extremely concerning. How about I grab the check and then we go for a walk around the lake?”

“Buck, I’m wearing heels. Do you want my feet to fall off?”

“Absolutely not,” he said with a chuckle. “Take your shoes off! Worst case, I’ll carry you back to the car.”

You considered your options and decided that a walk around the lake would actually be really nice. It gave you the opportunity to walk off some of your dinner, but more importantly it meant more time with Bucky.

Bucky paid the bill discreetly, refusing to let you see how much he’d spent on you. You started to stand up, but Bucky quickly jumped out of his seat to help you. It made you smile. 

You made your way to the front of the restaurant, stopping in the bathroom before heading down to the lake. 

When you reached the soft grass around the lake, you slipped out of your heels and let out a sigh of relief. “They’re beautiful, but damn they hurt.”

Bucky laughed. “They do very great things for your legs and…other things.”

You turned to look at him and he blushed. You knew exactly what ‘other things’ he was referring to and it made you giggle. “You trying to say they make my butt look nice?”

He laughed. “Your butt always looks nice. I was trying to say they accentuate your butt.”

It was your turn to blush. “Thanks,” you murmured softly. 

Bucky reached out and took your hand, desperately wanting to touch you. This was as flirty as you’d ever been with him and he wanted it to last as long as possible. He thought that maybe you might actually be interested in him as more than just a friend, but he didn’t want to get his hopes up. 

The two of you walked silently beside the lake, enjoying the view, the warm summer breeze, and each other’s company. It was a companiable silence. When you reached the far side of the lake, you saw a bench that was simply calling your name. You pulled Bucky towards it and he sat down beside you. He put his arm around you and pulled you in a little closer. “It’s a beautiful night,” he said softly.

“It really is.” 

“Needed to rest your feet?”

“That and I just wanted to sit and enjoy this for a moment. Soak it in.” You leaned your head against his shoulder and relaxed. 

Bucky placed a kiss to the top of your head before resting his cheek against it. 

The two of you sat there for what felt like eternity. You realized that all the food you’d eaten was making you tired, plus the bottle of wine you’d shared with Bucky. “We should probably get up before we fall asleep.” 

Bucky didn’t respond, instead he made soft snoring noises. You laughed and elbowed him lightly. He chuckled and pulled you up off the bench with him. “I hate to admit it, but you’re probably right.”

He turned to look at you and for the second time that evening, found himself completely breathless. The moon was higher in the sky than it was before and it gave your skin a radiant glow. Your eyes almost seemed to twinkle in the moonlight and he swore he’d never seen anything so beautiful before. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t think. All he could do was act. 

Bucky leaned down toward you and pressed his lips against yours. He caught you by surprise and it took a moment before you returned the kiss. The moment you did, his hands were on you. He caressed your face with one and pulled you closer with the other. He deepened the kiss and moaned softly against your lips. He had never tasted anything as sweet as you. 

You were in a daze. On the one hand, you couldn’t believe this was happening. On the other, you hoped it never ended. Everything you smelled, tasted, felt, was Bucky. His kiss was indescribable and you couldn’t pull away, no matter how badly you needed to breathe. 

After what felt like an eternity, Bucky finally broke the kiss, taking in deep breaths of air. He leaned his forehead down against yours and let his breath mingle with yours. Once you’d both caught your breath, he took a step back. “We should get home,” he said. 

For some stupid reason, probably your messed up brain, those words made you think he regretted the intimate moment you’d just shared. It was the way he stepped away from you and the simple way he’d uttered the words that made you absolutely sure he’d just gotten caught up in the moment. You felt a resigned sadness fall over you and you murmured a soft, “Okay.” 

Bucky narrowed his eyes at you, trying to read your body language. Something was off. He wasn’t sure what it was at first, but the more he stared, the more he realized the effect his words had on you. You turned to walk away, but he grabbed you and pulled you back into him. “No,” he insisted softly. You didn’t even have time to be confused before his lips were once again pressed against yours. This kiss was even more passionate than the first, infused with a desperation that surprised you. When he pulled away this time, he didn’t let go of you. “You misunderstood me. We should get home before I lose every ounce of control I have and make love to you right here in the grass.” 

You inhaled sharply, his words shocking you to your core. You realized how stupid your assumption had been and you silently admonished yourself for giving into your inner fears. Your past was filled with demons and a fair amount of those demons were men. But Bucky wasn’t them. He wasn’t your past. He was right here, in this moment, with you. That’s what mattered. You reached up and touched his face and he leaned into your hand. You offered him a small smile and said softly, “Take me home.” 

Bucky shot you a wolfish grin and scooped you right off your feet. The action caught you by complete surprise and you yelped. He started to carry you fireman’s style back towards the restaurant. You laughed warmly and smacked his chest affectionately. “James Buchanan Barnes, put me down this instant!”

He shook his head. “No way, doll. I can get there much faster if I carry you.”

“You saying I walk slow?”

“I’m saying if I let you walk beside me, I’m going to be too distracted kissing you to ever make it back to the car.” 

You laughed. “You’re full of it.”

He shrugged. “Either way, I’m not putting you down.”

You rolled your eyes, but resigned yourself to being carried. It actually wasn’t bad. Your feet actually did hurt quite a bit from the shoes and you rather enjoyed the fact that this man was able to carry you with such ease. 

You made it back to the restaurant in record time and Bucky finally agreed to set you down. The valet went to pull the car up for you and you leaned down to put on your shoes. 

“Don’t bother, doll. I’ll carry you to the car if I have to.”

You laughed. “I can walk, James.”

He tensed beside you and you turned to look at him. He had a dark look in his eyes that would have scared you if you didn’t know him. He leaned down to you and whispered in your ear, “I suggest you don’t say that again until we’re alone.”

His words and his tone made you shiver. You realized exactly what that dark look was and you liked it. Especially when it was directed at you. 

The valet pulled up in the car and Bucky escorted you to your seat. The moment he was behind the wheel, he took off at an unnecessary speed. You looked over at him and smiled to yourself. He was clearly quite desperate to get home and was more than happy to break a few traffic laws to do it. 

You were surprised at how quickly you reached the compound. Bucky pulled into the garage, parking the car at an angle and jumping out. You got out of the car on your own and laughed as you took in his parking job. “I don’t think Tony is going to appreciate your parking skills, Buck.”

Bucky laughed. “He’ll live. Come on. We’ve got things to do.” He grabbed your hand and pulled you towards the elevator at the other side of the garage. The moment you were inside, Bucky had you pressed against the wall, his lips glued to yours and his hands on your hips, holding you still. When the elevator dinged, he pulled away from you reluctantly.

You got off the elevator first, pulling him along after you. “Your room or mine?” you asked. 

“Yours,” he said in a voice that was better described as a growl. 

His room was closer to the elevator than yours was, so you were slightly surprised by his choice. “Yours is closer.”

He scooped you up again and moved with swift purpose towards your room. “I want to make sure when you go to sleep tomorrow all you can smell is me.” 

You let out a little gasp and you clung to his shoulder a little tighter. You didn’t know why, but that was an incredibly hot statement. 

Bucky pushed your door open, sat you down gently, then closed and locked your door before turning his attention back to you. His normally bright blue eyes were almost black with desire. All you could see was pupil. He needed you with a kind of desperation he’d never felt before. But he also knew he needed to maintain control or he was likely to hurt you by accident. 

“Are you going to kiss me?” you asked softly. 

Bucky nodded, but didn’t move. “I just need a second.”

You looked at him in confusion, self-doubt creeping in again. 

He grabbed your hand and gave it a squeeze. “I’m just trying not to lose control.”

“You don’t have to be in control. I’m not afraid of you,” you whispered. 

Surprise lit up his handsome face. “You should be, doll. I’m a trained killer.” 

“And you trained me.”

That made him smile. “And you’re amazing, but I’m still much bigger than you. I could hurt you by accident.”

You shrugged. “I’m not worried about it. So kiss me, James. Please.” You knew exactly what saying his first name would do to him and you were not disappointed. 

Bucky let out a low growl and grabbed you by the waist, dragging you into him. He kissed you hungrily and you returned the kiss with equal passion. His hands roamed to the back of your dress, searching for the zipper. He pulled it down slowly, not wanting to damage such a beautiful dress. 

When his hands came up to slide the dress off your shoulders, you tensed up and your body shifted away from him. He pulled away and looked at you in concern. “Doll? You alright?”

You nodded, trying to keep the negative thoughts at bay. 

“We can stop, if you want. We don’t have to do this.”

You looked up at him and you saw the deep concern on his face. It touched your heart in a way that surprised even you. “I want to. I really do. It’s just…I’m a little self-conscious about my body,” you said softly. 

“But why?”

You almost laughed at the innocent way he asked the question. It was like he couldn’t understand why you would be uncomfortable. 

“I’m not exactly…small.” 

Bucky shook his head. “You are to me.” 

He said it so matter-of-factly that you had to laugh. “Bucky, I’ve had some bad experiences with men before, okay? I know you’re not them…but that doesn’t mean there aren’t negative voices in my head telling me I’m not good enough for you. Not attractive enough for you. Not thin enough for you.”

His eyes darkened in a different way than before. He almost looked angry. “I would happily kill every single man who ever hurt you or made you feel like you weren’t good enough. You are absolutely perfect to me, okay? Perfect. I wouldn’t change a damn thing. Do you understand me?”

You looked at him with an expression of surprise and adoration. He spoke so passionately that you knew without a doubt in your mind he meant every single word. You took a step back from him and he looked crestfallen for a moment. You very slowly slipped the dress off your shoulders and let it fall to the floor. Bucky looked up at you and then his eyes made their way very slowly down your body, drinking in every inch of exposed flesh. 

You couldn’t deny that his gaze made you feel self-conscious, but the desire you saw in his eyes was enough to keep you in the moment. “Bucky?” you whispered. 

His eyes found yours again, answering without speaking. 

You took a deep breath. “Kiss me.”

He didn’t need to be told twice. He pulled you towards him, giving you just enough time to step out of the dress before dragging you against him. He kissed you deeply, sending waves of heat straight to your core. Your fingers made quick work of his shirt, pushing it off his shoulders and letting it fall to the floor. In between kisses he murmured against your lips “Jump, doll.”

“What?”

He patted your thigh, “Jump.”

You realized what he was asking…something you’d never been asked to do before, but had always wanted to experience. So, you did exactly what he said. You jumped. 

And Bucky caught you with an ease that didn’t surprise you anymore. You wrapped your legs around his waist and he turned around so your back was against the door. He kissed his way down your neck, taking his time to learn which spots you liked the most. His hands dug into the flesh of your butt as he pulled you impossibly closer. His lips trailed sloppy kisses to the tops of your breasts and you let out a breathy moan of desire. 

Bucky carried you over to your bed and laid you down gently. When he stood back up, it gave you your first full view of his bare chest. You bit your lip absentmindedly as you stared, causing Bucky to grin. “Like what you see, doll?”

You nodded and reached for him. Instead of coming to you, he slowly began to undo his belt. You sat up slightly so you could have a better view. You watched him as he slowly removed his pants, his eyes never leaving your face. Your eyes, on the other hand, wandered down his body, landing on the massive bulge in his boxer briefs. Your breathing became more shallow and he could see the flames of desire burning in your eyes. 

Your bright (y/e/c) eyes seemed to shine as you looked up at him. Your own desire was echoed back to you in his face and you reached for him a second time. This time he climbed up the bed and slowly crawled his way up to your face. It was a predatory movement, yet you’d never been more turned on in your life. 

When he reached your lips, he paused, hovering over you. He shifted his body slightly so that you were effectively caged under him. Muscular arms were on either side of you and his body dwarfed yours. For the first time in your adult life, you felt small. It was a thrilling feeling, knowing that Bucky had the power to do whatever he wanted to you, and you were more than happy to let him. “James,” you whispered.

He groaned, low and deep, before slamming his lips against yours. His hands roamed your body, touching every part of you he could reach. He pulled you forward so he could slide his hand behind your back, dexterous fingers unhooking your bra and pulling it off of you. He let you lie back down and he sat back to admire you. “So pretty,” he whispered. 

His mouth moved to your breasts, giving them the attention they deserved. His lips played with your nipples and his hands massaged what his mouth couldn’t reach. Your fingers clenched his shoulders and your hips moved involuntarily against him. He groaned again as your thigh rubbed up against his painfully hard cock. 

His lips began to make their way down your stomach. Bucky took extra time to kiss every single inch of your stomach he could. He didn’t want you to think for even one moment that there was a part of you he didn’t like. When he reached your still-clothed core, he inhaled deeply, letting your delicious scent wash over him. He gently kissed the outside of your underwear before slowly slipping his fingers under the band and tugging on them. “Doll? How do you feel about these underwear?”

“They’re just underwear,” you replied. Before you could even ask why, he’d ripped them in half and thrown them onto the floor. 

You looked at him with wide eyes and he shrugged. “They were in the way.”

Your laugh was short-lived as you watched him looking at you. The only word you could think of to describe his expression was hunger. 

He reached out and slipped a metal finger through our folds and collected some of your juices. His eyes met yours as he lifted his finger to his mouth and slowly sucked it clean. “Fuck,” he whispered. “Tastes like Heaven.”

Your breath had caught in your chest as you watched him, but it was forced out in the form of a moan when he leaned down and licked a thick stripe up your pussy. Bucky settled more comfortably between your legs, pushing them as far apart as he could without hurting you. He licked you again, nice and slow, reveling in the way your body reacted to his touch. 

“Please,” you begged softly. 

His eyes flicked up to yours and he saw the desperation in your eyes. He loved seeing what he did to you, but he also couldn’t stand to leave you wanting. He dove into your pussy, tongue sliding between your folds and flicking slowly against your clit. You gasped and he began to eat you out like you were his last meal. Every time you moaned, the sound sent shock waves straight to his cock. 

Your fingers twisted in his hair and your hips moved against his mouth. He slid his metal arm under your thigh and across your abdomen, effectively holding you place. It gave him the control he desperately wanted. He wanted to feel you come apart against his lips. He needed it. Bucky focused his attention on your clit, trying different movements and alternating his tongue and his lips, trying to find the thing that would send you over the edge. 

You moaned in pleasure, the rubber band in your belly tightening to the point of breaking…but you weren’t quite there yet. You needed more. 

As if Bucky sensed what you needed, he shifted his body so his right hand could slide beneath him. He slowly slid a finger into your core and you gasped at the feeling. He quickly added a second and began to slowly stroke your upper wall, searching for that soft spongey spot he knew would drive you wild. 

“There!” you gasped. 

He grinned against your sweet pussy and went to work. His lips wrapped around your clit, tongue gliding against it as his fingers rapidly stroked your sweet spot. He could feel you reaching the edge and he was desperate to feel you gush around him. You were tugging on his hair, to the point of causing pain, but he didn’t care if you ripped out every last hair on his head. His only thought was your pleasure. 

With a cry of his name, you came, body spasming and jerking, his arm the only thing keeping you in place. He didn’t stop his movements, he didn’t want to. He was too busy lapping up every last drop you gave him. As you came down from your high, he slid his fingers out of you, allowing you a little relief from the sensitivity. But his mouth didn’t leave your clit. His lips wrapped around it, sucking it into his mouth, leaving you breathless. 

“Bucky…so sensitive,” you whispered. “I can’t—” 

He simply moaned against you, sending vibrations through your core. He slid his other hand up to your abdomen and locked his fingers together, ensuring there was no way you could get away from him. His tongue danced against your clit, working you through your first orgasm and building up to the second. 

One hand was entangled in his hair and the other was gripping his right bicep, nails digging into his skin. “Bucky, I’m so close.”

He pressed himself deeper into you and moaned, encouraging you to cum again. Your moans were increasing in volume and the distance between each one was almost non-existent. You clung to him as your second orgasm came crashing down on you, waves of sheer pleasure flowing through your body.

Bucky was gentle as you came down from your high for the second time. He knew you were extremely sensitive now, so when you tugged on his hair, he complied, lifting his head from between your legs. 

You were completely breathless and so was he. His beard was coated with your slick, which for some reason was a massive turn on. He wiped his mouth on the back of his hand and let you pull him up to your lips. You kissed him deeply, tasting yourself on his tongue. You moaned into his mouth and he pressed his hips against you, desperate for some sort of relief. 

“I wanna taste you,” you whispered. 

He pulled back to look at you. “You don’t have to.”

You looked at him strangely. “I know. But I’m going to, so lose the underwear.”

His eyes widened and he found himself thoroughly enjoying your take-charge attitude. “Yes ma’am.” He quickly removed his underwear and you gasped as his cock sprang free. 

“There’s no way you’re fitting,” you said in shock. 

He grinned. “Oh, I’ll make it fit, darling. Just you wait.” 

Part of you didn’t want to wait, but the other really did want to feel the weight of his cock in your mouth. Just as you had in the sparing ring that morning, you flipped him over onto his back, and straddled him. 

He looked up at you in surprise, but that expression quickly shifted to pure lust. It was the same look he’d had on his face that morning. Now you recognized it for what it really was and it sent a thrill right through you. You moved so you could access his cock more easily. You locked eyes with him as you slowly lowered your mouth onto him. 

He watched as you took as much as you could without choking and he couldn’t describe how good it felt. Your mouth was warm and wet and he wanted to thrust up into you, but he restrained himself, letting you have the control. 

As you started to move, soft groans left his mouth. He slid his fingers in your hair, making sure it was out of the way so he could see you properly. Your hand looked so small wrapped around his cock and he loved it. Every movement you made sent waves of pleasure through him. 

He felt your tongue run up the underside of his cock as you sucked and then flick lightly against his head, collecting the precum that lingered there. He gasped and rolled his hips, causing you to gag slightly. He was about to apologize when you moaned around him, letting him know you were okay with it. The vibrations felt incredible and he was desperately trying to keep himself from cumming. Every single movement made it hard for him to control himself. “Fuck, doll. If you keep doing that, I’m not gonna last long.” 

You took that as a sign to continue doing exactly what you were doing, but at a slightly faster speed and with a little more pressure. Bucky knew he was moments from cumming, his control fading with each bob of your head. “(Y/N), I’m—fuck—” He came with a loud moan, ropes of cum coated your throat as you swallowed everything he gave you. 

When he finally started to come down, he pulled on your arm to get your attention. “Come here, baby.” 

You lifted off of him with a pop! and moved your way up his body. He loved the way your soft lips felt against his skin, but he wanted to feel them on his lips. He slid his hand under your chin and lifted it up. When your eyes met his, he whispered, “Come here.”

You couldn’t help but comply, especially when he was looking at you like that. The moment your lips met, you felt your body begin to heat up again. His hands ran down your back, landing on your butt. He squeezed and kneaded the flesh there, pushing your hips down against his. When your dripping core rubbed against his already hardening cock, he groaned. “I need to be inside of you, doll. Please.” 

He sounded so desperate that you couldn’t say no (not that you wanted to). “Where do you want me?” you asked softly. 

“Under me, please.”

You rolled off of him and laid down beside him. In one swift movement, he was on top of you, lips against yours, tongue fighting yours for dominance. You felt his hard cock press against your core and you let out a breathy gasp against his lips. 

“Do you want me?” he asked softly. 

“Yes,” you whispered. 

“Do you trust me?”

“Completely.”

He nodded, happy with your answer. “I’ll go slow, doll. I don’t wanna hurt you.”

You still weren’t convinced he was gonna fit, but you’d just told him you trusted him, so you nodded. 

“Try to relax, sweets. I’ve got you.”

You forced your body to relax, letting him take complete control. He lined himself up with your entrance and slowly pushed his head inside. 

You gasped at the feeling and dug your nails into his shoulders. He watched your face, keeping a close eye on your expression. He pushed in a little further and you winced slightly. He stopped, afraid of hurting you. 

Your eyes fluttered open and you looked up at him. You saw the worry on his face and you reassured him with a soft smile. “I’m okay.” You gently urged him to keep going with a subtle press of your foot against his backside. 

He took the hint and continued to push into you. You groaned, but begged him to keep going. A few more pushes and he was fully seated in you. You’d never felt a stretch like this before and you’d never been so full. The feeling was overwhelming and you never wanted it to end. 

Bucky gave you a few moments to adjust to his size, but apparently it was longer than you needed. “Bucky, I need you to move. Please.” The desperation in your voice urged him to do what you said. He began to move, slowly at first, but the more you moaned, the faster he moved. 

The sounds your bodies made were absolutely filthy and both of you loved every second of it. Both of you moaned and whispered deliciously dirty things to each other as you made love. 

“Come on, doll. I wanna hear those sweet little moans of yours. Wake up the whole compound, for all I care.”

You let out a slightly louder moan and your nails dug into his back. “The walls—are—sound-proof,” you gasped out between his thrusts. 

He grinned. “Tony’s a genius.” He sped up his movements and leaned forward to kiss you. “I wanna hear you scream,” he murmured against your lips. 

“You’ve gotta earn it,” you said breathlessly. 

He took that challenge extremely seriously. He sat up, shifting your hips so they were angled upwards, giving him a better angle. With each thrust his cock slammed into your g-spot and your moans were loud enough to wake the dead. “That’s it, baby. Let me hear you.”

Your fingers dug into his arms, the only part of him that you could reach from this angle. “Bucky—Bucky, please. I’m—” 

“I know, doll. Me too.” He moved impossibly faster and your body nearly broke in half with pleasure. 

You screamed his name, a real actual scream, and you came harder than you ever had before. The way your pussy squeezed him sent Bucky over the edge too. He came inside of you with a low gasp of your name. His hips faltered as he emptied his load into you. He let your legs down and he nearly collapsed on top of you, his head buried in the crook of your neck. He put his weight on his left arm to avoid crushing you beneath his massive body. 

After a few minutes, he slowly slipped out of you and you gasped at the empty feeling. He rolled over and continued to catch his breath. “Come here,” he murmured. 

“It’s hot,” you replied. 

“I don’t care. I wanna hold you.” 

“Well, I can’t feel my legs, so you’re going to have to move me yourself.”

He turned onto his side and reached across your body to pull you into him. He rolled onto his back, taking you with him. Your head rested against his chest and you sighed. “That was incredible,” you said softly. 

“Easily the best sex of my life,” he murmured. 

You were surprised by his words, but you were too tired to comment. You felt yourself drifting towards sleep, feeling extremely relaxed in his arms. 

Bucky kissed the top of your head and listened to the soft sound of your breathing. He traced his fingers up and down your arm, goosebumps appearing in his wake. He didn’t want this moment to end. He would have given his other arm to ensure he could spend the rest of his life with you. 

Your breathing had become more even and slow, indicating you’d fallen asleep. Bucky watched you for a few moments before whispering, “I think I’m falling in love with you.” He wasn’t quite ready to say it to you while you were awake, but he knew exactly how he felt. 

Your eyes shot open when you heard his words. You debated whether you should pretend to be asleep or not, but the tension in your body alerted him to the fact that you were not asleep. 

“Doll?” he asked softly, worry laced in his tone. 

“I’m awake,” you answered softly. You lifted your head to look into his eyes. You could see the worry and fear on his face and you desperately wanted to reassure him. He had nothing to worry about. “Hey,” you said lightly, reaching up to touch his face. 

He leaned into your hand and closed his eyes. “I’m sorry, doll. I thought you were asleep.”

“Buck, you have nothing to apologize for. You said what you’re feeling. It takes guts to do that.” 

“I didn’t make you uncomfortable?” he asked softly, blue eyes meeting yours. 

“Of course not.” You sat up slightly so you could kiss his lips softly. “For the record, I feel the same way.”

His eyes widened in surprise. “You—you do?”

You nodded. 

“I thought it would take you longer…since you didn’t really like me before the mission.”

You sat up completely and turned your body to face him. “What in the world makes you think that?”

He cocked his head to the side. “Doll, you never talked to me. Sometimes, I think you were even actively avoiding me.”

You hadn’t realized he’d noticed, and it made you feel terrible. “You’re right. I…I did avoid you. But it wasn’t because I didn’t like you. Quite the opposite in fact. You’re gorgeous and perfect and intimidating as hell…and the fact that you were always nice to me made it even harder to be around you.”

“But that makes no sense. If you found me attractive, why didn’t you want to be around me?”

You sighed. “Because…I was awkward. I couldn’t think around you or be normal. It was like being around Adonis. I couldn’t function.”

His expression softened and he touched your face gently. “What changed?”

“You saved my life.”

“That’s all I had to do? I should have done that sooner.”

You laughed. “It was a bit more complicated than that, but yes, essentially.” It took a moment, but his words finally sunk in. “Wait, what do you mean ‘sooner’?”

He blushed. “Oh, come on, (Y/N/N), I’ve liked you since we met. But I thought I made you uncomfortable, so I stayed away.”

“Since we met?” you whispered.

“Yeah, gorgeous. Since the moment our eyes met that first day. Everything about you intrigued me and I desperately wanted to get to know you. Every part of you.”

You stared at him in silence for a moment, realizing just how foolish you’d been. “I’m sorry I ever made you feel like I didn’t like you. You were always so kind to me. It wasn’t fair of me to transpose my past onto you.”

He touched your face, his palm warm and gentle. “Don’t apologize, doll. We made it to this point…even if we did take the long way around. If this means I get to spend every moment with you, then it’s worth it.”

Every moment? “At least for now, right?” you asked softly, doubt seeping into your voice. 

Bucky shook his head. “For as long as you’re willing to put up with me. You’re my person.”

You inhaled sharply. That sounded a whole lot like forever…because there was no way you were ever giving him up. “Then I guess you’re stuck with me, Bucky, because I’m not going anywhere.”

He smiled. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

[samspenandsword]

NSFW Alphabet: Plo Koon

Summary: NSFW Alphabet for everyone’s favorite Jedi dad, Plo Koon.  Pairing: Plo Koon/reader; gender-neutral, humanoid reader with no mentions of their appearance.  Rating: Explicit, 18+ (Younglings, foundlings, and cadets BEGONE!) Warnings: Explicit sexual content, smut; mentions of penetrative sex, creampies, oral sex (m!receiving), toy use, praise kink, daddy kink, roleplay, voice kink, corruption, Kel Dor anatomy headcanons, established relationships, secret relationships, language. Word Count: 2.5k

I know this took a while to get out, but I hope you all enjoy my Plo Koon alphabets!

You can find the template I used here

SFW Alphabet

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

The aftercare is almost as amazing as the sex itself. This man will take such good care of you it sometimes feels like a dream. You literally cannot imagine — massages, sweet nothings, warm baths, snacks, snuggles. You are pampered and well-taken care of every single time. You will want for nothing. 

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Plo’s favorite part of his body is his hands. For a long time he wasn’t really partial to them, but after meeting you, he came to appreciate them. You so clearly adore his hands and practically melt into goo each time he gives you a scalp massage. But Plo’s favorite feature of yours is your eyes — because despite the fact that his own eyes are usually hidden behind his antiox mask, he always feels you can see straight through the mask and into his own eyes, locking your gazes and being able to convey everything you feel in a single glance. Subtly is the name of the game for your relationship, and meaningful eye contact is one of his favorite ways to show affection. Not to mention he loves how wide your eyes get when you’re turned on. 

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Plo cums a lot. So much so that if he cums inside you, you are pooching and leaking. And if he cums on your chest, it is everywhere. You guys have to change the sheets of your bed every time you’re intimate because of how much Plo cums. And his preferred place to cum is inside you. He loves being buried inside you, and staying inside you. 

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Plo loves the idea of you not wearing underwear after you’ve been intimate. The image of you with his cum leaking down your thighs, especially if you’re in a meeting or in a public place, is an idea that literally plagues him, and by Force, he is not mad about it. 

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Plo’s a Jedi, so he’s not the most experienced guy on the block. Not physically. Especially because his physiological needs are so different from most other species. His experience is emotional — Plo is not a model Jedi when it comes to attachments and emotions — he is openly caring and kind, in a way many Jedi aren’t. And he has no qualms about whispering romantic words to you, or giving you caring, gentle embraces. To the point where, even in the beginning, you never doubted that he cared deeply for you. 

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

He loves when he’s reclined back against a mountain of pillows, you laying against his chest. From there, he can rock his hips into you, one hand stroking over your hair, or leaving light red lines down your chest (his version of hickies and love bites), the other hand resting firmly on the bulge in your stomach. And from this position, he can murmur the sweetest, dirtiest praises in your ears. “You’re doing so well, little one.” “I can feel you pulsing around me, you feel so good.” “Are you going to cum, little one?” Bonus points if there’s a mirror across the room, and Plo makes you watch as he fucks up into you, pinning your hips against his and simply holding you in place as he alternates between pistoning his hips in and out, and rocking so slowly you’re squirming for more. Extra bonus points if you’re cockwarming him in this position too, it’s a good way for him to plug his cum inside you after a long session. 

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Plo isn’t above teasing, amusement riddling his tone, his talons tickling up and down your skin, but he tends to be more serious in the moment. Being intimate with you is kind of rare with the war going on, so he wants to savor the moment for as long as he can, making sure you never doubt how much he loves you, how much he desires you. 

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Kel Dors don’t really have hair, not anywhere, so there’s nothing for him to groom. However, Plo does take pride in keeping other aspects of his appearance neat — his robes, the painted symbol of the Wolfpack on his vambraces. And he melts each and every single time you notice and appreciate this. 

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Plo can be so romantic it aches. Gentle praises, deep, thorough thrusts, gentle caresses. Even when he’s rougher, even when he’s teasing you, it’s never without a blatant undertone of care and affection.

J = Jack off (masterbation headcanon)

Not much, if ever. As a Jedi, it’s part of his training and lifestyle to ignore physical stimuli and needs. He can control his urges better than anyone you’ve ever met before. But that’s not to say when he gets back from a several-months-long campaign he’s not going to be inside you the first chance he gets. And when the two of you first start becoming intimate, before you can fully take him because of his sheer size, he’ll often masturbate during your sessions together. 

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Hoh, boy. Where to start (daddy kink daddy kink). I’m inclined to think that Plo has a bit of a corruption kink — turning his sweet love into a mewling, horny, cockdumb mess. Through dirty talk, through edging, through teaching even. He also has a praise kink. In fact, there are times when you’re together that he never seems to shut up. He’ll babble about how good you feel, how warm and soft and pretty you are speared on his cock. He’ll pet and shush you as he stretches you open, massaging your thighs as they tremble with the force of your orgasm. He gets off from giving praise as much as you get off receiving it. Plo is also into roleplay. Not fully-blown, with costumes and props, but using titles instead of names, pretending it’s your first time together, him narrating a scenario as he’s fully sheathed inside you, causing you to squirm and whine. 

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

In private. No doubt. As a Jedi, his relationship with you is in direct violation of the Code, and since he sits on the Jedi Council, he ensures he’s even more careful to keep your relationship private. Especially if you are a Jedi as well. In public, the both of you will appear as nothing more than good friends and comrades, keeping your true feelings locked in the Force until you’re able to be alone. And by alone, I mean you will be away from the Jedi Temple most of the time — always a chance someone could walk by your quarters and get a hint of what’s happening. You both won’t risk it. 

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Domesticity. Plo is a total sucker for seeing you do regular, everyday chores. Domestic intimacy and trust absolutely gets him going. You could literally be folding laundry, a holoseries playing in the background, and Plo will suddenly be all over you. Being surrounded by the ins and outs of domestic, civilian life is something he rarely gets to experience, and he loves that you trust him enough to share that side of your life with him. He might even someday admit that he wonders, while deep in hyperspace between campaigns, what it would be like to live such a calm, monotonous life. He also gets lowkey turned on with direct eye contact. All you have to do is lock eyes with him and you’ll suddenly be on your back in bed. 

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Exhibitionism is something that Plo sometimes fantasizes about, but would never actually participate in. Between his station as a Jedi (and maybe yours as well) he won’t risk the both of you being discovered. Another really big turn off for him is an open or casual relationship. The man is all-in, as the relationship is forbidden for him, and he doesn’t at all like the idea of you not being similarly dedicated. 

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Due to his anatomy, he can’t really perform oral on you. Even if you put on a breathing mask, his face and mouth shape doesn’t really allow for him to go down on you. He makes up for it with his fingering and handjob games however. And while he’ll never say no to a blowjob, he knows he’s a lot to handle. So he never wants you to feel like you’re obligated to pleasure him this way, especially because he can’t return it. 

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Plo can go either way. He leans towards more slow and sensual, especially at first when you aren’t used to his size and shape, but as the two of you become more and more familiar with each other, he’s happy to up the pace. Plo will pound you until you literally cannot walk if you truly want that, and he’s going to enjoy seeing you go dumb and drooly as he does so. 

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He’s not really a fan of quickies for a couple of reasons. One of the main reasons is that Plo simply wants to be able to fall into you and every sensation you both get to feel with the other, and quickies don’t really allow for that. Another reason is that he is HUGE. Like, there needs to be some serious foreplay and preparation, huge. His size and quickies do not mix. Third reason is because he cums a ridiculous amount, and quickies don’t allow for the cleanup time often needed after a session with him. 

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Overall, Plo doesn’t get terribly wild in bed. He’s absolutely willing to discuss possible scenarios with you, or things the both of you may be interested in trying, but overall I don’t see Plo being the most adventurous in bed. Sex isn’t just sex to him, it’s definitely a physical expression of his devotion and love for you, and he values that aspect more than any other. 

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go? how long do they last?)

Plo has stamina like you wouldn’t believe. He can go for a round, usually two, but he’s going to make those rounds last. His self-control is absurd. His Jedi stamina and endurance is seriously crazy. 

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Plo doesn’t own toys at first, but when the two of you first start becoming physically intimate, they become one of the first things he buys, along with lube. Due to his size and different anatomy, you need to train before you can take him. He buys a series of plugs and dildos, ones that go up in size until you can eventually take one almost identical to his size and shape (yes, there are Kel Dor dildos out there for the millions and millions of alien fuckers in the galaxy, don’t deny it. He nearly pissed himself laughing while he was researching because he came across a Space-Etsy shop for alien dildos. One of them was a huge orange butt plug called Master Plug Koon. He just barely resisted the urge to buy it. He did not, however, resist the urge to send the shop to Kit Fisto, who also pissed himself laughing. The shop has other Jedi-themed toys, including a green, fist-shaped toy called Master Kit Fister, and Kit immediately bought one and he keeps it as a decoration in his apartments. He fist-bumps it on the regular. Only Plo knows what it really is, though Obi-Wan has his suspicions.). After that, the toys don’t get used as much, but Plo’s happy to leave them with you for when he’s deployed on long missions. 

U = Unfair (do they like to tease)

He will tease, when the mood hits. But he’s not cruel. He’ll edge you, he’ll ask you, sounding more than a little cheeky, if you want to cum, he’ll ask you how much you’ve missed him and his cock. But every tease and edge has an undertone of care and affection, because that’s just how Plo is. 

V = Volume (how loud are they, what sounds they make, etc.)

Plo’s not terribly loud in the sense of moans, or groans, but he can be quite vocal if he knows you’re into it. And with a voice like his, who isn’t into it? He can get quite vocal in the moment, endlessly praising you, whispering dirty things into your skin, humming smugly in that deep voice of his as you whimper and writhe around him. 

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Plo sleeps with an absolute mountain of pillows, and loves to create nests around the two of you during intimacy. When he’s rougher, however, pillows tend to fall to the ground in piles or get torn to shreds due to his claws. 

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Holy hell Plo is HUGE. Bulbous, ridged, girthy, AND stupidly long. This man is just enormous. Foreplay is the name of the game with you guys, and oftentimes, he’ll need to make you cum at least once, preferably twice before he can slide into you. And even then, the stretch is incredible. Plo fills you and stretches you in ways no other partner has been able to before. When you first started becoming intimate, you needed to train before you could take him completely. 

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

I headcanon Plo as having a Goldilocks-esque sex drive. Just right. Right in the middle of the scale. As a Jedi (and a Kel Dor one), physical intimacy is something he didn’t really grow up with. His Jedi training also lends itself to him being able to go long periods without getting desperately, desperately horny. However, with that said, as soon as your relationship turns physical, he is happy to be with you at every chance he gets, and it helps that he can sense when you’re in the mood. But Plo also appreciates and looks forward to each non-sexual moment you two have together. Every moment of your relationship is something precious to him. 

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Plo will always, and I mean always, make sure you fall asleep first. That’s just who he is. He will never fall asleep before ensuring that you are 100% sated, comfortable, and cleaned up. So as soon as you fall asleep, he’ll settle beside you and allow himself to sleep as well. But only after you’ve fallen asleep first.

______________

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[theurgic-necromancer]

Jack of Hearts - How does your muse view their friends, both old and new?

Card Suits

((He cares them all very much :)

His old friends are people he spent a lot of time traveling with, getting to know them and coming to like them. ...For the most part. There are a couple of companions he never really liked. Often because they often antagonized other people he liked for no good reason, or in one particular case, were actively manipulating someone who was fairly naive to the ways of the world. And also happened to be someone he liked lmao

Still, he cares deeply for his old friends, and hates to think about how many of them are likely dead of old age. (Because he's optimistic enough to hope they all lived very long and fruitful lives, no matter what they chose to do.) It would be nice to reconnect with the ones who are still alive, but that's likely going to be an undertaking and a half on its own.

I'm not going to go into too much detail about individual companions because, well. There's like... I want to say 31 potential companions between the first two games? So I'm not going to bother going over his relationships with Every Single One in this post. Feel free to send asks about them, though.

His new friends he's still getting to know, but he likes them! They've all got their charms, even despite their flaws.

He likes Gale a lot! Fellow wizard who knows his stuff and was willing to set him up with a new spellbook and help him re-learn how to do magic in this day and age. You mean he doesn't need to individually memorize each spell he wants to cast in a day? Fuck yeah, that's so much easier. They've hung out and chatted about everything from magical theory to cooking, and Sayran has been a very avid listener which Gale appreciates. Sayran has no idea that Gale has developed a bit of a crush on him.

He clicked with Astarion remarkably quickly lmao. What can I say, he's always had a thing for rogues. He does recognize that Astarion is kind of duplicitous and was maybe a little bit suspicious of him at first... but after finding out he's a vampire he's actually not all that suspicious of him anymore. Like, sure, the guy's clearly trying to manipulate him, but Sayran is reasonably confident that he's not angling to betray them all. And anyway, he's traveled with a vampire before. He knows the drill.

He likes and respects Lae'zel. Her bluntness and tendency to get straight to the point is honestly a little refreshing. And her commitment to getting them all cured of this whole mind flayer infection is actually a little touching? She's the most compassionate githyanki he's ever met—which is admittedly not a very high bar to clear, but the point still stands. He trusts her with his life, which is good because she knows about the Slayer form.

He and Shadowheart get along surprisingly well. Even moreso since both of them revealed they know the others' secrets: that Shadowheart is a priestess of Shar, and that Sayran is a Bhaalspawn. Shadowheart is the only one so far who's managed to figure that out on her own. There's a certain mutual understanding between them. While Shadowheart is open with the group about her worship (kinda got dragged out into the open regardless of her attempts to hide it), she also understands Sayran's desire to keep his heritage secret and is willing to help keep it under wraps.

He had Karlach for less than a day and he instantly liked her. She's just so... fun and excitable and full of life! It's hard not to like her. Also he is reasonably certain that the only thing keeping her from hauling him around like a sack of potatoes is the fact that she would literally set him on fire.

Wyll... he likes him, for the most part. However, he has one rather big, glaring flaw: his tendency to view the world in shades of black and white, Good™️ vs Evil™️. He's a little wary of Wyll possibly turning on him (or Zia) out of a misguided desire to purge the world of evil—and what could possibly be more Evil™️ than the half-mortal child of the Lord of Murder? On the other hand, he knows Zia and is very clearly fond of her, so he can't exactly bring himself to hate the guy outright.

And speaking of Zia! She is firmly in the category of Beloved Niece, and he lowkey wants nothing more than to dote on and spoil her like he should have been doing to her whole family line damn it. There is a bit of wistfulness there, a desire to hang onto her as the only living remnant of his now-dead sister. But also he's just... curious about her! He wants to get to know her as a person, on her own merits. Because it wouldn't be fair to her or Imoen to treat her like a replacement. And hey, if he can lend her a hand in dealing with some of the awful instincts she's inherited as a Bhaalspawn, all the better.))

[kygerbearr]

i feel like i'm just in a constant state of having to hold myself back from expressing how i feel abt them because i dont want to make our ten year long friendship awkward for even a single moment which is STUPID because thats the kind of long term friendship you are probably safe doing but like there's sooo much to fucking unpack with it and too many internalized issues to get over

like. i might be agender but i'm still mainly male presenting, and she's female, and I don't want to take any steps that would A.i) reinforce some masculine stereotypes because A.ii) i don't know if she's comfortable around men so i don't want to be perceived as "a guy" whos putting her in an uncomfortable scenario if it IS uncomfortable, and B) we are BOTH asexual aromantic but I don't want her to doubt that about me (she wouldn't but i'm worrying anyways!) and i've always wanted to be a type of guy she didn't have to feel uncomfortable being around (which I am) but now I'm worried about anything that could ruin that. not only can I not take the first step for her sake but I can't take any steps at all. and she's openly been like "yeah i don't think i could ever make the first move" and in my head there's no way I could possibly take that as any kind of hint directed towards me. because how fucking dare i? am i so pig headed that i'd assume anyone let alone her of all people would even entertain the thought of whatever it is i think could be between us? no, of course not. that would be ridiculous.

these are all thoughts and feelings that come up every few years and every single time I just brush them aside because the risk is too huge. I care too deeply about her losing anything and I know that our friendship is something she appreciates so I can't do ANYTHING that could ever possibly jeopardize that. so they get pushed down again and again. but we're adults now, and the older we both get the more we realize that eventually there is a cutoff (there isn't, but there is a perceived cutoff) and because of that all the stuff we put off our whole lives gets pushed into the spotlight, because time is (perceived to be) running out and we have to address things eventually. which means i will need to address it eventually. i mean, i'm 23 now, she's like 26 or something, how many more years am I going to keep going without conveying how much i care about her and anything that happens to her. anything that's important to her is important to me.

and I worry because it feels like there's no one who cares about her to the degree that she deserves. i'm afraid that it will one day be too late to convey to her the sheer impact her existence has on everyone she knows and that everyone is so much better for it. i wish it was normal to express ideas like that.

and on paper all of that sounds fucking crazy and intense but that's just because i can't express exactly how it is for me. anything i feel towards her is subtle, but it's there, and it matters, and it makes me sad to think that i won't get to express that because she deserves to know, but the situation cannot allow for her to know. it's all an endless cycle

and like. i don't know. i'm hoping that writing it down will help me go back to ignoring it all and get my head back in reality, the reality where i'm aware of what's there and what isn't, and that the only way forward is to continue ignoring your feelings, that it's better not to risk it if it means ensuring no one is made uncomfortable. that even if all of it was true it wouldn't matter because she's in canada and when the fuck are you going to canada? your ass is staying in the desert bro get real

[russilton]

Hi, I hope this isn't weird, but as I see this kind of discourse from one of my favourite author I just wanted to check in if that's a kind of thing you're dealing with too. Without any judgement to anyone. Is it really that important to you guys that we leave comments? Aren't kudos enough? And do you agree that writers have to answer to comments?

It’s alright anon I figured I might get a message like this and I do appreciate having the chance to share my piece because I utterly agree with Susi on every part.

Something that’s worth understanding is I do not have a single artist or writer friend who doesn’t face this issue. Every single one one them, without fail, puts their heart on the line to create and share fan work, and all of them, myself included, struggle with a lack of response. Every gif maker, writer, artist, edit crafter, web weaver, all of them live for the positive comments we receive, the praise. I don’t know a creative without a praise kink, frankly.

This has been true for every fandom I’ve been in since I started posting art online in 2011, and fic in 2017, but it is ESPECIALLY present in F1 RPF because the space is so small, and usually people are so used to clinging to anonymity that the space feels even smaller.

Long discussion under the cut, because I wanted to try and honestly explain the mental process behind why authors and artists ask for a comment.

Speaking from my own experience now (that I’d still put money on being a similar experience for others), posting work of any kind online is a bargain. Yes you do it for yourself in part, but if it was just for myself I wouldn’t post it. When you post, you make the mental deal of “am I willing to accept potential hate or disinterest in this, for the chance to receive love and praise on it”. If you’ve been here a while you’ve seen the anons I’ve received at times; transphobic, homophobic, or just plain hateful. Some were too hateful to even post. I have had an Instagram page make a collage of my art just to laugh at it. But I keep posting, because for me, the joy and community I receive from comments and tags on my work make it worth that bargain. There’s some work that isn’t worth the potential backlash to post. That’s why any of the nsfw art I draw never leaves my close mutuals. I’m not willing to share it online when the result of it would pale against the risk.

Creative work is a deeply personal and heart baring process. It cannot be done easily some days. Yes it’s fun and funny and entertaining at times, but most times when I’m writing, I end up stood utterly alone in my own mind with myself. I cant write if I’m too depressed, because that experience of being alone with myself is too painful. Even on a good day it can be hard. So when I choose to go to that place, remain alone to pour my mind into something I write or draw, it is an exhausting labour of love. It takes hours, I’m not a fast worker, some people are faster than me, some are even slower. I’m alone for all of it.

And so when you put that all together. The work, the creative process, the editing, the cleaning, the preparing for posting, the process of tagging and sorting work so it’ll be seen, then self promoting… the least we can ask for in return is a comment?

You have to understand, kudos or likes are great, but it’s a hand sticking out of the void and giving you a thumbs up. It’s silent, faceless, impression-less. Imagine sending your family a deeply personal message and the response you get is just “👍”. Yeah it’s technically a response, but it’s disproportionate to the Labour afforded beforehand. People posting online are seeking a human connection, that little snap of closeness all human beings through history have craved. A kudos doesn’t really satisfy that craving. I would rather get 20 kudos on fic, but every single one has a comment, than 1000 silent ones. It’s just a number, it takes half a second to press that button and move on. It makes you feel like a cheap commodity that’s consumed and spat out, and that doesn’t even speak for the shame of a thousand eyes looking at your work and saying nothing at all.

When you comment or leave a tag, it shows me you took a second to absorb what I’ve showed you. It slowed you down, made you pause or take a breath, it DID something to you, just like it did something to me to make it. That’s a connection, that snap of a bond. Myself and that commenter now share something, and usually it’s a simple act of gratitude that you see all the work I’ve done to give you something, even if the comment is just “I really liked this!thank you for writing it”. It’s a paltry amount of work compared to what happened to get us there. But I feel less alone for just a little while, just like that fic did for you.

I understand that is still hard to do on occasion. You may be tired, you may feel over exposed or sick, but again you have to remember how hard that creative worked to give you something. On tumblr at least you can still reblog without a comment and increase the chance of someone else doing so. Ao3 doesn’t have that. Even when people filter by kudos they still have to be looking to read something with those tags. It doesn’t do much for the author who is sat faced with numbers. Their work made you feel, think, or just escape your own mind, by commenting, you are giving them the chance to have a moment of the same.

I have a screenshot folder full of comments that have made my day. It’s packed with the words that kept me going, when I doubted I could write at all, when I wondered if my art was good enough. They make a meaningful impact on my life the way I hope my work does for others.

And then you have to understand how… ungrateful it seems, to have people go “well you don’t reply fast enough, so I’m not going to comment.” I understand we all want that connection again, of a reply, and that’s why most authors TRY to do so!

But that author or artist has spent hours creating something for you, they have emotionally laboured and worked and bared themselves, asked you just to say something as your payment, and then you have asked to be paid for that honour? That’s like going into a store, paying for something, and then going “because you didn’t give me an extra gift for paying rather than stealing, I shall simply steal it in future”. That’s kind of insane right? Especially when the work you receive was hand made with love by the person sat in front of you.

I don’t know a single creative person on f1blr I haven’t seen go “I don’t know if posting this is worth it”. And that should worry people. If you come online and devour content without return, you are going to see people stop posting and walk away. I’ve seen it happen over and over and over. This isn’t the hungry hungry caterpillar, you aren’t 5, you don’t get to have your cake and eat it too if you don’t pay the baker who made it. In this case nobody in fandom has the incentive of making a living to continue. I can’t buy things for myself with comments. We don’t get paid. Instead they’re just going to stop sharing and return to only giving cake to people who respond. I’ve got art and fic I wrote only for my friends, because I wanted a reaction and giving it to them was a sure fire way to get it, because I trusted them.

If it becomes more effort to post than it does the return, I simply just won’t. I owe nothing to a faceless void, and so said void should try being less faceless. That’s all people are asking for.

[apoptoses]

“Angle of Incidence was so extreme, I thought if people enjoyed that then nothing I wrote could put them off” oh for sure. I felt legit uncomfortable/in physical distress (in the best of ways) while reading it, and it’s a feeling I still haven’t quite shaken off, whereas with Fate as it Flows it was just an extremely enjoyable experience from beginning to end.

“I have two completed things on deck and the idea of posting them is now excruciating lol But I deeply appreciate your encouragement” fingers and toes crossed we get to see those soon! Saw your other comment about *ahem* my prompt, and you have no idea how over the moon I am about that one! Pride month going out with a bang I see, phew 🥵

“if you blur your vision a little and ignore her boobs she even LOOKS Armand-y at times” that’s the plan (not that I don’t do that already with uh... plenty of media but yt there will be real intent here lol). will be back with more comments once I get around to watching all those you listed but ugh yes Madchen/Spader feel so them, aesthetically. What I’m liking about Spader in partic is that he not only looks like a beautiful weirdo but also like a grown ass man which Daniel is supposed to be, mf was in his early 30′s ffs, and I have a hard time associating the whole twink vibe with him (as much as I love River’s... well, everything, that's the category he falls into most of the time). Spader is pretty and lean and tall but also strong and manly and alll of those are essential ingredients of the Molloy cocktail imo. 

“Please respond asap with which Succession character is your favorite, I need to know” obviously Tom lmfao, that’s MY princess Diana right there. I attribute 50% of my undying love to the character itself and the other 50% to how perfectly MattMac nailed every single line of dialogue for 4 seasons in a row. Succession’s MVP if I say so myself (which is insane considering how pretty much everyone was the MVP at one point or another). 

Pandora sends her love! xoxo DA 🐱

Saw your other comment about *ahem* my prompt, and you have no idea how over the moon I am about that one! Pride month going out with a bang I see, phew 🥵 <- Yes! I have it all done, it needs a final glance for typos but it'll get published this week! And it features Armand with his hair cut short, stealing Daniel's glasses and pretending to be him. I hope you're happy with it when I post it!

What I’m liking about Spader in partic is that he not only looks like a beautiful weirdo but also like a grown ass man which Daniel is supposed to be, mf was in his early 30′s ffs, and I have a hard time associating the whole twink vibe with him <- Exactly! If you watch his 80s films you get the whole young!Daniel from early in the chase but once the early 90s films hit it's the Full Molloy with bags under his eyes and laugh lines. He's an adult! A hot man with chest hair and a perpetually tired disposition who's always dtf but also looks like he needs a nap.

And like given his film choices, I swear. Had someone called him up and said 'hey, we've got a role for you playing a guy who's fatally obsessed and head over heels for a vampire who stalks him, has weird threesomes with him, and eventually kills him and turns him' Spader would have said sign me the fuck UP. God the missed chances, if only QotD had been picked up by someone who'd keep the characters the same.

YES as always you have taste! You know Anne Rice wanted him to play Marius and he did a reading of Prince Lestat right? haha MattMac just made Tom such a weirdo that even at his worst he's a sympathetic character. All I ever wanted for Tom was for him to succeed (and like, maybe to bone someone who actually likes him, lord).

Estimating I'll post your fic Wednesday, but bear with me if life happens ♥

[refiwrites]

happy new year's everyone!

i hope you are all having a great year-end celebration! i cant wait to be making more fics this 2023 for you guys to read and love! i know there had been times where i'd constantly post and then there are times i just disappear out of the blue but rest assured i am not going away anytime soon!! so i hope my followers would still be here with me!

the reasons for my often disappearance is really just due to school and also not being in the right headspace at times, and when im not in the right headspace, it bothers me that i cant visualize or put in the real effort in my works, due to that, i just silently dip into the abyss and poof- gone.

but whenever i get the sudden rush of motivation and enough free time, rest assured im doing everything i can to finish all my wips, although im honest when i say i feel guilty i am not able to respond or do the pending requests in my inbox that had been sitting there for a while (i am so deeply sorry) and for those stories that i have yet to finish but didn't had the energy to, im deeply sorry as well.

but enough of those, i hope you'll still stick with me through my ups and downs and i hope you'll all be happy this 2023, i appreciate every single one of you and im thankful you guys are still reading my works (old and new) and saying that you love them, it warms my heart so much to know that! i love all of you and i hope you guys are doing great!

don't forget to take care of yourself!

[mercurygray]

“Who were you with?” for the lovely Laura in TGM, and one of the guys. Juno xx

1940s AU is a gooooo.

The dress was, as the saying went, a showstopper.

It was easy to forget, sometimes, that there were clothes outside of thier uniforms and that they were capable of wearing them. They had gotten so used to seeing each other in flight suits that even the idea of wearing something other than regulation green seemed impossible.

And yet here she was, Laura Simpson, in coral-colored crepe with her hair swept up and gardenias on her dress, an evening bag in one hand and her key in the other, coming back from a night on the town, and a swanky one at that. The Bostonia or the Pacific, or maybe one of the big hotels downtown, a place where a jacketed waiter would serve you a cocktail, and some of the women arrived in furs.

Jake hadn't managed a pass this weekend, a fact which had stung deeply - he and Machado had busied themselves at the on-base canteen after their working day was over, taking a turn with every single one of the dance hostesses to see who they could get to lindy or swing, or even dance closer than regulations usually allowed, taking sips from a flask because the canteen was dry and trying to see if someone might be game for a little non-regulation flyover out back.

But none of the USO women had anything on her.

"And who were you out with, Miss Simpson?" he asked, struggling up from the couch in their day room where he'd nearly fallen asleep.

She looked at him, tie askew, hair a little disheveled, and gave a slim smile. "I'm not sure it's any of your concern, Lieutenant. I'm a grown woman; I can make my own decisions."

"Mighty dangerous city to just be taking dates with men we don't know. You really ought to bring him round and have us all vet him first."

Laura snorted. "Lieutenant, you're not my father - or my boyfreind."

He jumped on that one, rising quickly from the couch so they could stand nose to nose. "There's a very easy way to change that, you know."

"If I did have one of those," she began, chosing her words very carefully, "I think I'd make sure he was the kind of man who knew I could handle myself - and trusted me to come home to him after."

"If you had one of those," he said, looking her over again with newfound appreciation, "I'd hope he'd tell you that dress makes you look like a million dollars." He leaned over, his inspiration sudden. "And that he wants to get you out of it later."

She raised an eyebrow, seeming interested. "Lieutenant Seresin, are you jealous?" He colored a little at the implication, taken aback by the suddenness of the observation, the way she was smiling about it. "I didn't think you had it in you." Jake Seresin, jealous? Never, in a million years. He was perfectly capable of - there was no shortage of - plenty of women would easily - But the damage was done, and her smile was enough to injure him. "Enjoy the rest of your evening," she said, making her way down the hall to her room, the back of her dress just as alluring as the front. Jake watched her go and nearly groaned.

Maybe he was ...a little jealous. Someone had danced with her tonight, looking like that, and it hadn't been him.

If you liked her here, Laura "Honda" Simpson is from my recent piece One Minor Detail, which you can read more of on AO3!

If 1940s Top Gun (and Glen Powell in period attire) is really doing things for you, you can read more in the 1940s AU tag on my tumblr

Comments and tag commentary are always seen, read, and appreciated!

[justaredheadf1fan]

I'm saying goodbye to the one person who "drove me out of F1" when I didn't see any further

As I introduced this blog more than half a year ago, I opened up about how it was Seb being totally unchallenged for 4 consecutive seasons that "pushed" me to stop watching F1 altogether, since I had already started seeing the sport as boring, always the same race after race. I was young and foolish, yes, and I regret all of it.

I didn't know how wrong I was. What fucks me up the most is that if I'd had someone else to share my love for the sport with someone else at that time as I do now, maybe I wouldn't have missed all the cool stuff I've only seen in videos and pictures in the last months.

So, this is my little goodbye to Seb:

When you first started in Formula 1 I was 14, I was a kid, I really didn't know too much about the technical aspects or any of the other stuff surrounding the sport, but I knew that I loved it to my core.

And here came a guy in 2007 not that much older than myself, and after a few years, by the time I was 17, you started winning and winning and you won some more and you never stopped in 4 years.

It bugged me that there was no challenge you couldn't take and make it your bitch. It bugged that not a single driver could do at the time what you could. And for that unaware kid bored with repetition who had absolutely no patience for how slow changes came, it was off-putting. Plus, I didn't really like you that much at the time, you were a cunt I thought, but with time I've ended up appreciating that part of you too.

I missed all your good years in Ferrari, the team I've always loved the most thanks to Michael, all those spectacular races against Lewis and anyone else who dared cross your path. I have seen all the videos of press rounds, to races, to qualifyings... Even if I saw now every single intervier, race, quali, free practice... it wouldn't be enough, I've already missed all of it when it mattered. I missed your terrible last 2 years at Ferrari even, when you came across our favorite demon child, and I missed almost entirely your first year at the team that gave you hope again.

I got to see you in Barcelona, though. But I was counting on seeing you closer next year too. It breaks my heart that I won't, same as all of those moments I've missed in the last 8 seasons. I wish I had stayed and watch you become the absolute wonder that you are, because for sure you'll always be our champion. It pains me deeply to not see you racing from this season on, but I get it. I get why you're leaving. I just hope you don't take too long before coming back to the sport itself or at least to be around it in some capacity, so that we can enjoy you again. Because it was never enough.

The funny thing is that it's been 8 months since I got back into this crazy sport and that thanks to my friend Marina I truly started appreciating you the way you deserve, because you're an absolutely wonderful person and driver. What pains me the most besides having missed all of it, all that really mattered after winning everything, is that if I ever get the slightest chance of working around or in F1, you won't be there and that honestly fucking sucks. I wasn't counting on you leaving this soon (although it doesn't surprise me entirely either), and if this week was already a shitty time, today just made it darker even.

I'm writing as if you were to read this at some point, which obviously you'll never do. I just wish I'd had the chance of talking about all of this and so much more with you, I bet you would've been a hell of a listener and you would've eventually joke about it in some way. That's how amazing I truly think you are.

You're one of the reasons I fell back in love with this sport again, and it won't ever be the same without you in it.

This is the worst part of growing attached to things such as fiction and sports for me, personally. I grow attached quickly to the characters/people in those worlds and letting go of them is as painful as losing a loved one. Or worse, even.

Thank you for everything you've done for the sport and for all of us, Seb. You'll be deeply missed.

Nai