#i do not remember that surgery at all

[cetoddle-archive]

okay. no longer high off my ass from anesthesia but i am very tired

[marcmorrigan]

@fenglianweek day 6: memories/growing up

the best thing thats ever been mine

[blinkpen]

i think the funniest Not Necessarily a Troll But I Won't Even Risk It anon i ever got that i just stared at blankly for 5 seconds and then deleted without responding (i now wish i had screencapped it but i was being a mature person) and still managed to remember to this day despite usually datadumping stuff like this from my mind was literally just

"why does magenta have boobs"

[transingthoseformers]

Breakdown and Bulkhead being exes and there being so many emotions about that

Especially with me remembering the semicommon hc that Breakdown used to be an autobot, which considering how he's often a stunticon and the stunticons are in rid15 gives me the crack idea of

At the beginning of the war Breakdown left the stunticons to join the autobots because of his boyfriend at the time and him disagreeing with Motormaster, leading to MM saying he won't under any circumstances take BD back if shit with Bulk and the bots goes sideways

Shit with Bulkhead and the autobots goes sideways as Breakdown grows increasingly dissatisfied with his role in the autobots, leading to him breaking up with Bulkhead and him joining the Decepticons like he was "supposed to" in the beginning of this scrap

Well. Now he's an ex-autobot in the Decepticons and again the stunticons kept to their word as he burned that bridge, leaving him a tidge of a mess.

Enter Knockout, who's looking to take on an assistant with at least SOME medical experience. Breakdown fills this requirement because i say so and because i love nurse/medic!Breakdown. Breaky says yes because fr what the pits else is he supposed to do.

After a rough adjustment period, they grow close and the more familiar power couple KOBD we recognize and love ensues

In his wiki page tfwiki suggests that in aligned Breaky used to be a scout, actually, who was real super anxious before getting a frame upgrade in order to keep up his grudge with Bulkhead and this did wonders for his mental health from what i can see. This may be another reason why Breaky seeked Knockout out

THERE WE GO, TFP BREAKDOWN: AN EX-STUNTICON, EX-AUTOBOT, UNEXPECTED MEDIC, CURRENTLY KNOCKOUT'S PARTNER IN CRIME AND MOTHERFUCKER WITH A HAMMER

[inniave]

pharmacies should automatically give you (or at the very least offer) naloxone any time you get an opioid prescription

[chiropteracupola]

they can see right through me / of course they can...

[collaboration with @dxppercxdxver again.]

[10underoot2]

So Haein basically told him that the MP3 was hers telling him that she remembers such a small detail from High school cause it pertains to them only to say immediately afterwards I'm going to be reborn soon after my surgery.

I - I'm not okay.

[bricky-brikson]

I’ve decided to do a Bad Things Happen Bingo!

My goal is to get at least one (1) bingo, but honestly I just want to write some suffering

How this is going to work:

Send me an ask with one (1) prompt + the character(s)/media.

I’ll mark that prompt as “claimed” on this post by editing (so check the original post before you ask).

When the writing is done (and published), I’ll shade the prompt in completely.

Prompts that are shaded in or claimed cannot be asked for! So if there’s something here you like, grab it quick!

Things I’m willing to write:

My original characters. See my #dear cassedy tag, but I also have some OCs who have yet to be formally introduced on this account (a vampire nurse with a werewolf bf and plural chemist who makes LSD - they're not from the same universe).

Drabbles of characters created solely for the situation/prompt. In this case, the asker has to propose the characters themselves. Please don't use this as a roundabout way to get writings of your OCs.

Psychonauts

Sky: Children Of The Light (Elders and Spirits, I’m not big on writing skykids)

(Maybe) Hazbin Hotel

Hollow Knight

[I can't think of much else right now, but if it comes to me I'll add it.]

Things might get a little homoerotic (especially with the cannibalism prompt), but I won't do straight-up NSFW, since I'm still 17. Gore though? That's fine.

As always, I retain the right to refuse a prompt if it squicks me or it's just not something I'm interested in writing, in which case I'll respond to the ask privately stating as much.

Prompts are listed in the alt text for those with screen-readers. Below divider by @/cafekitsune. I don't remember where I got the snake dividers, sorry :(

[butchcharliee]

🤠

[not-poignant]

This is the anon the said 'safe'. Your tags hit me hard, since I'm actually starting a transition but am avoiding hrt. I've been getting pushback on it, and been told I'm not really trans without it. I know what I want to change to feel like myself. Also what I don't want to change. That's probably why 'safe' was my choice. It sucks when you think you should belong, but still feel like you aren't good enough. It helped to hear you have felt the same. I just want to give you a big virtual hug.

Ahhh I have a similar story, anon <333 I'm so sorry you went through it too.

Under a read more because it contains transphobia towards a nonbinary person from a binary trans person. My experiences are from a nonbinary lens, anon, so take the bits that are useful to you and ignore the rest, depending on where you sit on the trans spectrum <333

When I started realising I was transmasc (I'd known I was non-binary for a while) I remember that I talked to a trans man about it, he'd been going through the process for a couple of years at that point and we'd talked about that too at different points.

And I remember mentioning that I'd thought about hormones, but I was still on the fence because I'm nonbinary, not like 'binary trans' (i.e. I'm not going from point A to point B, where you move from AFAB to man or AMAB to woman), and I was talking about wanting they/them pronouns and maybe he/him pronouns at that point.

And he said: 'Oh cool, yeah, hopefully that helps until you decide for sure with testosterone and surgery.' I had this moment of like ??? and he was like 'when you realise and can be brave enough to commit to being a guy, I hope that goes really well for you.'

It was one of the most transphobic things I'd ever heard, not because it was said from a hateful place (it really wasn't, I'm still friends with this guy), but because it came from a friend, I was being very vulnerable during the conversation and it left me feeling like I didn't have a right to consider myself trans at all for about two years after that. It pushed me into this space where I'd been defined by a fellow trans person as a 'coward until I decided to be officially a man.' And then for two years I kept looking for that inside of myself, denying my non-binary-ness in favour of looking for a very clear and decisive 'I'm a man!' moment. It was a horrible period of time, gender-wise. Because being identified exclusively only as a man or a woman is dysphoric to me, so trying to do it to myself was like cutting at myself with an axe.

It's also very much like when gay and lesbian folk would say to me - back when I identified as bisexual - 'get back to me when you pick a side / become a real queer.' There's a real phobic bent among folks who are 'one or the other' (sighs) towards people who are in the liminal with this stuff and that's where they belong. And it hadn't occurred to me that I'd hear a version of that from a fellow trans person. You'd think I'd have learned, right?

He and I are still friends, but I stopped talking to him about all of my experiences as a trans and nonbinary person. It was clear to me, in that moment, he saw me as a much lesser version of an identity he'd embraced and was living. You know, how so many people think of nonbinary transmascs. (It's also frustrating, because trans men also don't need to have hormones or surgery to be trans men, and it makes me furious when people take this attitude with binary trans folk too, but I'm mostly focusing on my own experience here, of the myriad ways we encounter transphobia in the trans community).

I never heard anything quite like that again, but I've had one other trans guy be like 'when you're ready for testosterone, I'll support you' like he was waiting in the wings for me to 'fully make a decision to be 100% a man' which isn't a decision I can make, because I'm not 100% a man, lmao, I'm like 80% of one, and 20% something else, and 0% woman, lmao, which is why I call myself nonbinary transmasc.

I was lucky that through research and listening to voices in nonbinary transmasc spaces and more open-minded trans spaces that I realised that I'd encountered transphobia, and that this specific kind of transphobia is particularly common in the trans community, especially in cases where a trans man or woman has a period of being nonbinary as an experiment to see what transitioning feels like before they fully commit to the surgery and/or hormones and name etc. that they often wanted all along. So they often project this onto other people, because for them being nonbinary was a midway point, or the middle of an evolution. But being nonbinary isn't an experiment for most nonbinary people, it's literally our identity and it always will be. (And any binary trans person reading this, don't ever use this rhetoric with your nonbinary friends, or your fellow binary trans friends who have elected not to use hormones or surgery - it's transphobic.)

These days, I'm proudly trans and proudly part of the trans community, but I'm also aware that there are a lot of binary trans people who will treat me and other trans folk as 'other' because I haven't suffered through the same surgeries or adjustments that they have. That's...their transphobia, and it's not me expressing my identity wrongly, or being 'lesser', it's just straight up transphobia. It belongs to them, not to me. I don't believe we have a unique word for nonbinary transphobia, it all comes under the same umbrella, but that's definitely what it is.

When you start to feel like you don't belong, anon, remind yourself that this is internalised transphobia, not to punish yourself, but to remind yourself that it's not true. Those feelings belong to the people who gave them to you, but they're not innately or inherently true, they actually have nothing to do with how valid you are at every stage of your transition.

You're fully a trans man if you don't take hormones, and you're fully nonbinary if you do. Whatever you need (or don't need) to affirm or express your gender for you, is what you need, and that deserves to be respected and fully validated no matter what, at any time. Whether it's binding or not binding, hormones or not hormones, hormones and then 'not for the next few years' and then hormones again, surgery or not surgery, etc. Whether you're a trans man, woman, nonbinary, agender etc.

People have this idea of what it is to be a 'proper' trans, bi, gay, lesbian person (like the 'gold star lesbian' which is horrendously disgusting as a term and concept), but all you need - literally all you need - re: these things, is to just... know you're these things. That's it. That's how a gay person can know they're gay without having sex. That's how a bi person can know they're bi without sleeping with someone of the same sex. And it's how a trans person knows they're trans without looking perfectly androgynous or perfectly binary trans (depending on what they desire) on the outside. (Don't get me started on fatphobia in androgynous and nonbinary spaces, and the equation of true 'nonbinary androgyny' with thinness, because that's a whole other rant for another day, lol).

I'm sorry you've experienced that pressure to be 'more' of something from society / particular people. I can specifically relate on the hormones front because I actually went quite far into looking into taking T, to the point where my doctor was ready to sign off with an endocrinologist, before I realised that it wasn't the right decision for me. It might be one day, but right now I know I'm transmasc without it, and I'm concerned about some of the side effects with my neuroendocrine tumours. There are other ways I affirm my gender that work great for me. But I did have a moment of knowing that would impact how other people see me, and it's one thing when it comes from all the cis people, but it's another thing when it comes from the trans community as well. :( Thankfully most people are really validating now, use the right pronouns, and I just don't confide nonbinary vulnerabilities with folks who saw being nonbinary as a midpoint of their own evolution/journey, just to be safe, lmao.

Wishing you fortune and strength and much validation, anon <3 You are amazing as you are, whatever you decide to do or not do in the future. :) *hugs*

[autism-corner]

despite loving being trans i always do long to having boy teenage years/upbringing. But. im also autistic. i think that even if i was AMAB i wouldnt have gotten that classic boy life. that realization both deepens the grief yet relieves the feeling because i know that that wouldnt have been me anyway.

[razzek]

I'm starting to feel about artistic depictions of trans scars the same way I feel about artistic depictions of blindness: they suck.

At first the art of all the jagged lined scars I saw for trans characters seemed neat. But then I started to remember that I have those scars and they don't look like that. At all. And it's kinda shitty to draw all these trans men and nbs in such a way that they look like someone took an axe to their chests. Mastectomy/top surgery scars don't look like that at all! Even when you have a slash and dash quick surgery like I did, the results are much nicer and most trans guys you can't even tell.

This is like drawing people with white/pale, unfocused eyes as a shorthand for blindness. It's a shitty stereotype and I think in the long run it causes more harm than good. Just like with real trans folks you may have to just say out loud that your guy is trans instead of giving him a design that's kinda shitty to the bros out there who went through some shit to look really good.

[derpinette]

too many males getting veneers when really they should be investing in hair transplants if anything

[dreamlogic]

...

[promithiae]

The thing about having a chronic issue that comes and goes is that when you start to get The Twinge that means an episode is coming on you go into full panic mode getting ready for the worst pain you get to experience

But sometimes it's just like. A little tummy ache because you ate something that disagreed with you and you feel stupid for having to drop your project to go inside and have a panic attack about something that passes in 5 minutes after farting real good.

At least I got out of rinsing all the brushes?

[binders-and-beanies]

.