#i do try to force myself to drink at least 2 though. :)

[fable-x4]

Doing this because it makes me happy •Ꮂ•. Im making it difficult on all of you though.

1 note- I'll go drink water

10 notes - I'll set alarms to actually care for myself

50 notes - set up a daily productivity system so I stop wasting my time doing nothing.

100 notes - ask my friends to help me buy a skirt

500 notes - get a bra & a whole bunch of other affirming clothing !!!

1k - tell my dad that my gf is also trans

2.5k - ask my dad to address me by my prefferred name & pronouns 1k went pretty poorly, so I dont feel super comfortable making an attempt on this.

5k - try to get therapy/psychologist

10k - girl mode at all times (start actively wearing makeup/clothing/doing voice training around people at all times)

50k - try for HRT (0% chance) (also no guarantee on this one)

Asfgg. It feels surprisingly good to have a bunch of strangers who want me to be happy

I have now set up alarms for eating, waking up, and hygene related stuff. I seriously doubt we get to 500, but this has made me significantly happier •Ꮂ•

Doing some math... 25 notes in 4 hours. 6.25 notes per hour. 8000 hours or 333 days until this hits 50k. Hrt in a year ig.

Um. Wow. Its been a day, and we're almost at 300. Everything 500 & below was supposed to be things I'd do with minimal intervention. But now, we're getting to the scarier stuff. I am very intimidated, but also excited

My gf really badly wanted to be here when I buy some of the clothing, so the skirt will be this week, the rest of the clothing will be when she comes back from vacation

Saying that you're force femming me is so not allowed. This is unfair. You have no right to make me feel the ways Im feelingggg. Stop making me happy.

Welp. I told him about my girlfriend. And things went about as poorly as expected. He said that Im parroting what other people think. Slowly taking little parts of them, and applying them to myself. Specifically, being trans. He didnt even leave it to maybes. He said with certainty that I was copying everyone else. I know 9 trans people total. Only 2 of them are my close friends. Everyone else, Im barely aquaintences with. I should have told him that regardless of whatever theories he has, this has boosted my confidence massively. Slightly less excited for 2.5k notes. At least everything after that is very positive. And at least this lets me talk about my girlfriend for ages. I dont have to say her deadname through gritted teeth. Oh context. He already knows Im trans but was ignoring it.

I GOT A SKIRT!!!!!

Thank all of you so much. At first when I got the skirt, I was pretty intimidated by the idea of showing my legs. I thought everyone will just see me as a man. But there's a degree of confidence you all have given me. Yeah. Im pretty. Yeah, Im beautiful even. Yeah. Its a friggin fantastic skirt. And anyone who thinks otherwise is dumb. Im happy, and thats what matters.

[ivorydragoness44]

Warren Peace x Reader: Interesting

Word Count: 1,083 Warnings/Notes: Reader accidentally choking on food (they’re fine), Reader accidentally hitting their hand on a locker (the pain subsides, don’t worry), and hand holding. Summary: Part 2 to “Interest”, this continues with the Reader and Warren’s interactions, even as the Reader leaves the cafeteria early. Will emotions be explored or revealed?

~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~

  Smiling to yourself, you nudged your knee to his twice. Though as you retracted, his knee met yours again and remained there.   This should be interesting.   Did you move? Absolutely not. At least, not from the waist down. Using and focusing as much as you could on your peripheral vision, you studied him. Sure, you almost bit your own tongue in an attempt to multitask, but at least no one noticed. The only movement that came from Warren was a simple turn of a page.   All of this over analyzing was bound to give you some sort of headache at this rate. Or, as fate would have it, you started to cough from possibly the smallest particle of food. Every set of eyes at the table were on you, immediately concerned. Before your hand could reach over your tray, Layla had opened up your water bottle for you. With a brief forced smile, you grabbed it. Within a few moments of drinking water, you were well again.

  “Well, that was thrilling,” you frowned.   “Are you okay?” Layla asked.   “Yeah.”   “That would’ve been one way to go,” Zach said, drinking his own soda.   “Dude,” Warren glared as Will and Ethan likewise chided Zach.   You rolled your eyes as they continued to bicker. “I think I’ll see myself out,” you smiled to Magenta and Layla.   With a short farewell, you picked up your tray and left the table. By the time you were out of the cafeteria and in the hallway, you felt a greater sense of relief. Maybe the collective sounds of students had become too overwhelming for you.   Making your way to your locker, the quiet halls held a strange sense of calm. You figured it was the strong contrast from its usual capacity of students.

  “Then this way,” you mumbled to yourself, completely focused on unlocking your locker. “Ah ha,” you smiled triumphantly. If you were going to be using up time before your next class, you might as well use it wisely. Exchanging one textbook for another, you missed the approaching footsteps as you zipped your backpack close.   “Hey,” the clear voice of Warren reached your ears.   A little started, you accidentally knocked your knuckles against the open locker door. Silently, you screamed into the void of metal storage. The door swung open to its full extent just as you shut both your mouth and eyes in a grimace.   “Are you okay?” He asked, sounding much closer and very concerned.   “Great,” you squeaked. “Super durability and all.” Your eyes flashed open however, as something warm gently grasped your hand. Warren. The rate at which you were looking between his hands on yours and his eyes was bound to make you dizzy at some point.   His thumb caressed over your knuckles. It was almost too warm. “It doesn’t look too bad,” he smiled at you. “Maybe don’t go around punching lockers as a hobby though.”   “I’ll try to fight the urge,” you replied without much thought.   He laughed and carefully released your hand.

  It was quiet for a moment before either of you spoke a single word.   “Warren?” You asked softer than you intended.   Matching your tone, he inclined closer to you. “Yeah?”   Hesitation overtook you. “Do you…uh,” you sighed to yourself. Did you wanna head outside for a bit? Yah know, before class?“   “Sure. Lead the way.”   As you closed up your locker, you wondered if he noticed your change in demeanor. Heck, he seemed to notice, or at least accurately interpret everything. Slinging your bag over your shoulder, your own thoughts made you nervous. What if Warren already knew that you liked him? That you were interested in him as more than a friend? If he did, he was either ignoring or—   Warren grabbed your hand in his just as you turned away from the lockers. You looked at him incredulously.   “If third time’s the charm, let’s not add to your list.”   “List?”   “Choking on your lunch in the cafeteria, hitting your locker…,” he leaned in teasingly.   You pursed your lips at him. “Maybe we should add knee-knocking to that list.”   His brows rose. “Maybe we should. That’ll make three already.”   “So I guess that means I’m in the clear,” you added, starting to walk, Warren falling in line with you.   “I guess so.”

  The two of you continued walking hand in hand. Even as you made your way out of the building, neither of you loosened your hold. Sure, friends could hold hands, absolutely, but this felt entirely different. And as you both stepped down toward his favorite spot, your heart began to race. You had to ask him, or say something! So, when he dropped his bag down on the half-wall, you took a confident stance, if only to keep yourself steady.   “Warren, can I tell you something without freaking out?”   He turned to you with genuine soft curiosity.   You sputtered. “Without you freaking out,” you clarified.   “Yeah,” he said, tightening his hold on your hand in the slightest.   “I like you,” you said a little too fast, “is that weird?” No sooner the question left your mouth, you regretted it. But before you cold cringe into yourself and fold over like a beach-chair, he spoke.   “No. It’s not weird,” he swung your hands for a short moment and you swore you short circuited.   “Not weird?”   Warren took a step toward you, the tips of your shoes touching. “Not weird.”   “Oh, okay,” you finally took a breath.   “Would it be weird if I liked you too?” He asked, causing your eyebrows to shoot up to your hairline.   “What? No. No. Not weird.”   “Good,” he smiled brightly, “because I really like you too.”   “You do?”   “Yeah.” He looked down bashfully for a moment. “I guess I was being too subtle, but… I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable or anything.”   You gazed at him. “That’s really thoughtful,” you complimented.   “Heh, thanks.”   “And I said that out loud,” you shut your eyes. “What is going on with me today?”   “Let’s just blame it on the school today,” he suggested, his voice close enough to feel on your skin.   You opened your eyes in time to see his chin. His chin? A pair of lips softly pressed against your forehead.   When Warren leaned away, he smiled at your expression.   “Well, I can’t possibly focus in any class for the rest of the day.”   “Not a single one?”   “Not when I know that you’re interested now.”   Warren chuckled.

~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~

Thank you for reading!

If you want to check out my other fanfics, be sure to look at the pinned post on my blog: My Masterlist of Masterlists.

[theemissuniverse]

Okay, okay, so I read the Shao Kahn fic for the first time earlier (I was avoiding it because I’ve never liked Shao Kahn), and now I’m genuinely questioning things about myself. He’s such a smug bitch and I’m ??? attracted to that?? (part 1 had me choking on my drink when it got to the NSFW part) All in all, extremely well-written, phenomenal characterization, I love how sassy the reader is because I actually see myself in them (I’m sick and tired of the timid, excessively submissive “I’m not like other girls” Y/N, so it’s a nice change of pace) also, the bits with Mileena were cute as hell. It made me think of-

Y/N: Alright, listen up, you motherfuckers. Not you, Mileena. You’re doing great and I’m glad you’re here.

But yeah, thank you for the food. I am now questioning my absolute loathing for Shao Kahn.

“IMPENDING DOOM” SHAO KAHN X FEM!READER PART 3

here’s part 1

here’s part 2

A/N : thank you! I’m glad that I’ve impressed the majority with you with this series! This is something I really like because it’s different

WARNINGS : (MDNI) thigh riding, praising, cumming

MASTERLIST 1 , MASTERLIST 2

Questioning your relationship with Shao Kahn took place at an everyday occurrence. It was something that ran through your mind at a constant rate.

He was the cruel tyrant awaiting to conquer all realms. Not when he was with you though. Everything was different.

The way he acted around you, the way he treated you, the way he’d constantly make an effort for you.

It gave you…butterflies?

You had to of been ill. There was no way in the very depths of Outworld that you could ever fall for a man like Shao Kahn. It was uncanny.

You were in the dining hall, seated by yourself. You constantly tried to lift the fork that was sitting on the table. You managed to lift it at a great height until your magic gave up on you and it fell on the table. You sighed.

Someone had pulled up a chair to sit next to you. It was Mileena. “Your telekinetic gift has grown. Perhaps it is my father’s doing?”

You rested your chin on your hand. “Unfortunately, I have to give it to him - I did not expect for me to grasp this so quickly.”

A presence was behind you. “I still cannot understand why the Emperor would choose such a weak woman.”

You didn’t have to turn around to see who it was. You knew it was Skarlet. “Thanks for the words of wisdom, Skar.” You stuck your thumb out sarcastically as a ‘thumbs up.’ “Always can count you, dude.”

Mileena turned to Skarlet, annoyed. “Don’t you have something better to do, vampire.”

Skarlet was offended by this. “I am no vampire, you failed Kitana clone.”

Mileena slammed her fist on the table and got up from her chair. “I am no clone!”

You got in between them. “Ladies. How bout we take five, yeah?”

The two of them stared down each other before Skarlet walked away. Mileena grumbled under her breath and crossed her arms.

You turned your attention back to Mileena. “Don’t worry about her. Let her be obsessed with her own father…or whatever Shao is to her.”

You sat down in your chair and continued to try and lift the fork into the air. Mileena just stared at you, curiously. “Do you really want to go through with the marriage?”

Pausing, you stared down at the fork. It was a valid question. You just didn’t have a valid answer. “I…don’t know.”

“My father is a lot of things but…he would never actually force you to do anything. If he’s doing all this then that means he knows that deep down, your heart desires it.”

The statement struck you. Because it was at least slightly true. Especially what Shang Tsung had told you. You were tired of being third best. You wanted to be the best.

Shao Kahn could give you that.

Were you starting to become the very villain you feared? All because you adored power?

Mileena walked away from you and you continued to sit there, getting tangled into your thoughts.

Hours had passed by and you were in your room. You were busy reading your book. The door had opened. You didn’t have to bother looking up. “Made anyone cry today?”

Shao Kahn rested his hammer on a chair not far from the door. “No but it’s only 3 in the afternoon.” He said, making you snicker. He took his red cape off and hung it on a nearby wall. “How was your day today?”

“We are not doing the husband and wife, asking each other about our days fiasco.” When you had said it, Shao Kahn uttered a laugh.

“What do you suggest we talk about then?”

“I don’t know. World hunger? Poor people? Anything else.”

Shao Kahn made his way towards the bathroom. He turned the water on for his bath. “Remind me to kill Reiko.”

The statement caught you off guard. You brought your head from your book and looked over to him. “Should I even ask why?”

Shao Kahn walked out of the bathroom and to the dresser where the big mirror was. He started to take off his rings. “He was in my chambers trying on my crown.”

“Damn. Dude might have a death wish.”

“And I will grant him that.”

You thought about it for a moment. You decided to test him. To see if you truly had that much control over Shao as you thought and everyone else did.

You clicked your tongue to the roof of your mouth. “Why don’t you ease up on Reiko?”

“Why do you ask or care about that?”

You closed your book and sat up on the bed. Shao Kahn did not turn to face you as he took every ring off his fingers. “I mean, he’s a great soldier. And he only tried on your crown because he admires you so much. It’d be a shame if all that loyalty would go to waste.”

Amazement wasn’t even the word. Shao Kahn was actually pondering on what you were saying. It took him a minute. “You are right. I will give him one more chance.”

You had done it. You actually convinced Shao to do something and actually not kill someone.

Shao walked back into the bathroom to stop the water. He walked back into the room and removed his crown before placing it back on the dresser.

“We will marry tomorrow night.”

Your eyes widen. You stood up from the bed and walked over to him. “Tomorrow? Isn’t that sudden?”

“I told you it would be soon.”

“Okay but like you didn’t say when so by definition, you telling me this is sudden.”

Shao brushed your comment off and started to unbuckle his pants. “You should join me.”

Last time he had asked you, you were annoyed. Bothered. But this time when he asked, you wanted to.

And god did you hate yourself for wanting to.

“Okay…but you have to keep your hands to yourself.”

Shao stopped in his tracks. He looked at you, a little stunned. He did not actually expect you to take on his offer but he was not complaining in the slightest. “You are asking me to do the impossible, my Empress.”

“Tuh.” You shoved past him a little, going to the bathroom. “If you know what’s good for you, you’ll make it possible.”

Shao Kahn chuckled. He had always enjoyed your threats and you couldn’t begin to understand why.

He turned around so he was facing you. By that time you already had your whole evening gown off. You were unclipping your bra.

He watched as your bra fell to the ground. And then you took off your underwear.

This was the first time Shao had seen you naked and he had to admit, it was beautiful sight to see.

You were extremely gorgeous. Everything about you screamed beauty to him. He couldn’t help but get lost in all that was you.

You noticed his staring. You felt yourself get a little shy and you tapped your foot on the ground. “Stop staring at me like that.”

Shao didn’t break his gaze on you. “Like what?”

“Like you enjoy what you’re seeing.”

Shao Kahn broke out of his trance. He took some steps towards you. Very careful steps. The air was thick. It felt like you could cut the tension with a knife.

He made it to you face to face. As much as he wanted to touch you in all the right places, he’d respect what you had said. For now at least.

He lifted your chin up high so your eyes could meet his. “I do enjoy what I’m seeing.”

You hated it. You hated the way the tyrant made you feel. How could he of all people make you feel this way?

Your hands landed on his exposed chest. They rubbed all over slightly before then reaching to the buckle of his pants. You finished unbuckling his pants and when you did, his pants slid down with ease.

No eye contact was broken. You grabbed onto his underwear and slid them down as well. The two of you being completely naked.

“Shall we?” You asked.

Shao stared at you for some time before walking a little bit past you. He got in the tub on the right side, leaning back.

While his bathroom was huge, his tub felt like it was even bigger. Even with you going into the tub there would be a lot of space between you two.

You got in on the left side and sat down before leaning back. “Why do men like cold ass water when they bathe?” You questioned.

Shao gave you a look. “Cold? This is boiling hot.”

“No it is not. My grandma’s frying pan is hotter than this.”

When you said that, it made Shao Kahn laugh. A genuine laugh. You couldn’t help but bust out laughing yourself.

Shao Kahn wanted to appreciate the silence. He really did but he had a few things on his mind. “Why did you join the tournament? And how are you so close to Liu Kang and Kung Lao? You are no monk.”

You gasped sarcastically. “Really? I’m not a monk? Thanks Inspector Gadget.” Shao rolled his eyes playfully but didn’t say anything. You sighed a little. “I was living with my Grandma until I was seven. Someone raided the home and killed her. I lived on the street which felt like decades. Probably about three years. Then I met this one guy. Some thug was messing with him. The guy was a big guy too. Like a big ass guy.” Shao chuckled at the emphasis you put on it.

You tapped your finger on the side of the tub. “Well the big ass guy wasn’t having it. Not at all. He kicked his ass. And when I mean kicked his ass I mean…he really did a number on him. But the guy…this big ass dude didn’t fight him by the usual. Not a gun. Not no punch to the face or kick to the balls. He was…he was using everything. His hands, his feet, his head, everything.”

“So, I went up to him. I was like ‘that was cool! You gotta teach me that!’ He told me that I wasn’t ready. To come to him another time. He tried to walk away but I wouldn’t let him. I was like ‘please. Just tell me how you did that! I need to know! I don’t want to end up like my grandma!’ He turns to me and he goes ‘you really don’t know?’ Told him no. He told me that it was martial arts. But not just any. It was…it was to actually kill someone.”

“Told him my whole story. My parents dipped out on me, grandma died, and he took me in. His name was Master Bo’ Rai Cho.”

At the reveal, Shao Kahn couldn’t believe it. He gave you a look. “That drunken fool?”

“Yup. That’s where I met Liu Kang and then Kung Lao. That’s why we’re so close. I still don’t know why I was chosen to be in the tournament.”

“Because that fool Raiden saw something great.”

You scoffed. “Raiden. Yeah. He’s something.”

The relationship between you and Raiden had always been rocky. You felt like he favored Liu Kang and Kung Lao all the time.

He never believed in you and you’d guess you couldn’t blame him. It was only just now you were in tune with your telekinesis.

“How did you find out about your gift?”

“I was sixteen. I got angry at something. Can’t remember what. But all I saw was…anger and I threw Bo Rai Cho across the room using my mind. They say you usually gain abilities like that through trauma.”

Shao Kahn watched as you went from enjoying telling the story to complete sadness. It stung him a little that your mood could shift so easily.

He grabbed the bottle of soap and placed it on his hands. Then set the bottle down before then grabbing your right foot and rubbing in the soap on your leg. “Gifts such as that are a blessing and a curse.”

You let out a tired sigh. “More so a curse for me.” You played with the soap bottles that were sitting on the ledge. “Everybody has their own thing. Raiden is the God of Thunder. Liu Kang is the chosen one. Kung Lao is the descendant of a great champion. I’m just… me…”

Shao was actually taking in everything you had said. It was starting to make sense to him. As he knew you craved power, he just hadn’t known why.

“You’re going to be The Empress of Outworld. You beat them all in a landslide.”

You couldn’t help but smile at little. Usually you’d argue with him. That you never wanted to do this. That this was all done by force but for some reason now when he said it, it felt right.

Standing up in the water, Shao watched you. He wasn’t expecting for you to go over to his side. You turned your body around and then sat down in the water before leaning your back against his chest.

Shao Kahn was pleasantly surprised but he wouldn’t make that known. He didn’t want you to get up from him. He grabbed the soap bottle and placed some soap in his hands. Then he set the bottle down and began to rub the soap in your back.

You hummed a little at the feeling of his hands on your body. His hands were rough but he made sure to rub softly in your back.

He washed your back with the water until there was no more soap. His hands were clean of soap.

Shao’s hands started to run along your body. Especially at your breasts. He was waiting for you to object but you didn’t.

You moaned at his touches and sat even further back on him. He played with your nipples and cupped your breasts like they belonged to him.

Something came over you. You couldn’t help it. You turned your head around to kiss Shao but he had stopped you.

He placed a finger on your lips. “I want to save that for tomorrow night.”

You were a little shocked. Shao Kahn had more self control then you did.

You turned your head back and allowed Shao Kahn to continue to massage all over your body.

Like you were made for him.

Later on, everyone had disappeared as tomorrow was a busy day.

You didn’t have anything to do. Shao Kahn just told you to show up to the wedding and look pretty.

Bored out your mind with everyone gone, you decided to do some snooping around the palace.

Nothing changed much. You couldn’t find anything that you didn’t see before.

That was until you found a door.

There was something eerie about the door. You couldn’t describe it. Something just told you to open it.

And you opened it.

When opening the door, you walked in further. There were stairs.

You went down the stairs where you could hear cries for help and screams of agony. It disturbed you.

Making it to the very bottom, you saw people were in prison cells. That or they were chained. You were shocked.

Most of the people were monsters or were in mutated form. Besides one.

You walked closer to the woman. She was a black woman with glowing eyes. Her hair was black, straight, and in a bob. Her outfit was completely yellow.

You had wondered what the woman could’ve possibly done for her to end up down here.

She noticed your presence. She immediately stood up from the ground and hurried to you in an instant. She of course was stopped by the cell. “Please! You have to help me! I’ll do anything! I’m good for it! Tell the Kahn that I’m good for it! My name is Tanya.”

You tilted your head at the woman. You were no fool. There was something about her that didn’t seem so innocent.

You leaned against the wall and motioned with your hand for her to talk. “Well, Tanya you might want to convince me as to why I should let you go. It’s kinda creepy down here and I want to bounce.”

“Shao Kahn slaughtered everyone when he raided Edenia. He had only kidnapped a few of us. Now, I am not sure where the rest of my people are. And I don’t care. I just want out of here.”

Tanya pauses as she takes a good look at you. “You are not from Outworld.”

“How’d you figure that one out?”

“You do not talk as if you are from Outworld. Also, everyone in Outworld knows not to come down here. They are afraid of what Shao Kahn might do to them. You must be from Earthrealm.”

“Ding-ding-ding! We have a winner!” You said sarcastically. You stopped leaning on the wall and walked closer to her cell. “My name is (Y/N). And I don’t think he’s gonna do much to me. He’s got a soft spot for me.”

Tanya’s eyes widen at this. “An Earthrealmer? I had not predicted Shao Kahn would fall for one.”

“Story of my life. Still haven’t really convinced me as to why I should put myself in jeopardy to release you.”

“I am loyal! I will serve the Kahn of Outworld. Please. You have to convince him.”

You thought about it for a moment. You were going to be with Shao Kahn whether you liked it or not. You mind as well get something out of it.

“You will not.” You told her. “You will serve me. I am to be the Empress of Outworld tomorrow night.”

Tanya could not believe that. “An Earthrealmer being an Empress? Shao Kahn must be love struck.”

“Trust me, I’m banging my head against the wall about it. Know this though, do not underestimate me for being an Earthrealmer. Do not think you can cross me.”

“I would never, Empress.”

You gave her one final look as if to really see if this was worth it. You then shrugged at it. What was the worse Shao could do to you?

“Stand back.”

Tanya listened to your command and walked away from the bars on the cell. You stared at the bars. You concentrated everything with your mind. You then ended up destroying the bars with your mind.

Tanya looked at you in amazement. “I have never seen an Earthrealmer with so much power.”

“I’m a hat full of tricks.” You grabbed Tanya’s hand and helped her out of the cell. “Come on.”

You brought her upstairs. Then made sure to close the door behind you.

When you turned around, you saw Shao Kahn sitting in the dining area with Shang Tsung, Reiko, Skarlet, and Mileena.

You motioned for Tanya to follow you. Shao turned into your direction and when he had seen you with Tanya, his face twisted with confusion and anger.

You spoke before he would get the chance.

“She already pledged her allegiance to me so don’t go out on a villain monologue on why she needed to stay down there. She’ll prove she’s worthy. And if she doesn’t…simply end her. You can’t always scare your way into people following you. You wanted an Earthrealm Empress. This how we deal with things in Earthrealm.”

Shao stayed silent as he heard your explanation. The others awaited to for his anger to combust. For him to get rowdy with you but he did not. He stayed silent.

When Skarlet had seen this, she immediately stood up from her seat. “Emperor, she made a decision without consulting you! She puts this whole empire at risk for the generosity that she shows!”

“Oh?” You questioned her. “Was it not generosity when Shao Kahn took you off the streets and taught you blood magic?” You turned to Mileena. “Was it not generosity for Shao Kahn making Shang Tsung give you life?” You turned to Reiko. “Was it not generosity that saved your ass from death because he had listened to me instead of himself?” You finally turned to look at Shang Tsung. “Was it not generosity for him to give your old ass life and now you don’t look like a dying raisin anymore.”

You turned back to Shao that looked like he was pondering on your words. “Is this not generosity? Taking me in? Treating me like I am your own? Is that not what this is? Call me weak if you want to but you’re the one that wanted a weak woman.”

Shao Kahn stayed silent. Skarlet had seen he was really siding with you. “Emperor I-“

Shao lifted his hand up to stop her from speaking. “You are far from weak, (Y/N).” He put his hand down. “You are going to be the new Empress. You are free to do or make any decisions as you please.”

The tyrant actually supported you? Now everyone had seen everything.

“Join us for dinner.”

Tanya bent down to whisper in your ear. “I am amazed at how much of a soft spot he has for you.”

You snickered a little. “I told you.”

You and Tanya took your seats. When you were sat down, Shao Kahn spoke to Reiko. “Reiko. Thank (Y/N) as without her you would not be alive.”

Reiko turned his attention towards you. “Thank you, Empress.”

You shrugged some while eating. “It’s whatever.”

Everyone heard plates clatter and turned to see Skarlet aggressively slam her fork down and walk away.

Shao Kahn rolled his eyes at her behavior. “She is always a brat.”

You shook your head and continued eating your food, wondering how much longer Skarlet’s behavior towards you would go on.

It was late at night. You and Shao Kahn were getting ready for bed. He was sitting at the edge of the bed rubbing lotion all over his body.

You were at the dresser, taking off your earrings and necklace.

You wanted to fight the feeling you had toward him. Everything in your being was screaming to not fall for the man but you couldn’t help it.

The way he stuck up for you in front of everyone was not only kind of him but was extremely sexy to you.

You felt the wetness between your thighs form. You bit your lip slightly as you tried to push away those thoughts.

“Thank you. For sticking up for me back there.”

Shao didn’t bother to look up to you. “I trust if that Edenian betrays you, she will be dealt with.”

“Of course.”

“Then I don’t care what you do.”

You finished taking all your jewels off and turned to look at him. He was shirtless and had his boxers on while he lotions his body.

You licked your lips. You tried to fight off all of the thoughts that ran through your head.

But you couldn’t. You were only human.

You walked over to Shao Kahn and stood before him. Shao looked up at you and your eyes meet.

You sit on his lap and kiss all over his neck. Shao Kahn groaned in pleasure. He threw the lotion aside and his hands clung on to your back.

Luckily for you, you had were in your night gown. You rode your nightgown up where your underwear was seen.

You placed your clothed clit onto his thigh and began to go back and forth on him. You moaned out in pleasure.

Shao Kahn licked his lips at the sight and held onto your hips as you rode his thigh. He made sure to help you go back and forth at a steady pace.

You moaned loudly. His thigh was perfect for you to ride. It was big and bold. You didn’t have to do much moving for constant pleasure to hit your clit.

“This is what I like to see.” He told you. His right hand slid on your ass and gave it a grip before smacking it. You moaned. “Keep going until you cum all over my thigh. I want you to make a mess on me.”

You held on tightly. Your arms wrapped around his neck and you focused moving on him up and down. Shao Kahn bounced his thigh slightly so he could meet with your force.

“Oh god, yes.”

Shao Kahn ripped your entire night gown apart and immediately attached his lips on your right breast. You gasped at the feeling of his tongue colliding with your nipple.

You continued moving on him back and forth, closing your eyes in the process. Shao played with your other breast. You clawed at his back and he only groaned in pleasure as a response.

Shao pulled away from your breasts and watched you ride his thigh. Your head was swinging back in pleasure. He brought your chin down and made you look at him in the eyes. “Look at me. I want to watch you fall apart.”

You hesitantly opened your eyes and there Shao Kahn was looking at you, awaiting for you to cum all over his thigh. “It feels so good.” Shao placed his hands on your hips and moved you faster on his thigh. “Oh god. Oh my god.”

“Like this?”

“Yes. Please. Oh my god. I’m so close.” You felt your eyes about to close again but you forced them open knowing he would be mad if you closed them.

The two of you looked in each others eyes as you inched closer to your release. “I’m cumming. Oh Shao please let me cum. Please. Please.”

“That’s right. Cum on me, my Empress. Let it all out.”

You continued to hump on his thigh. He bounced his leg a little to meet you halfway. You clawed on his arm. You were about to throw your head back but he grabbed your chin and forced you to look at him.

“Oh yes. Yes. I’m cumming. I’m cumming.”

Shao Kahn helped you ride your orgasm out as you continued to spit out incoherent sentences. He made you finish completely on his thigh.

You took in a deep breath when you were done. “What did I do to deserve such a gift?” He questioned.

You chuckled slightly. “I just felt like it.” He began to kiss your neck softly and you moaned at his touches. “Stop before I make another bad decision.”

“I like your bad decisions.”

You moaned more when he sucked on your sweet spot but he soon pulled away. He laid you down on the bed. Then he reaches over to turn off the lamp.

The room was dark. He grabbed the blanket and placed it over the two of you. “Tomorrow you will be truly mine.”

Even after all this you still didn’t know if marrying him was the best idea.



[katyawriteswhump]

the freak in the penthouse part 2

E-rated (for sexual content), accidental millionaire eddie/sex-worker steve.

Part one here On AO3 or search #thefreakinthepenthouse

Part two: room service

Steve hopped up to grab another glass from the minibar and poured them both a double shot of vodka. He insisted on bandaging Eddie’s knuckles before they got on with anything else. 

It felt… odd, intimate. He couldn’t help thinking, though: This guy just smashed the plasterwork!

He’d stepped into this room feeling concern for Eddie. He should jack-knife right back to being anxious for himself. Next round, it could be my face that gets smashed.

Still, Eddie seemed more downcast than buzzing with pent-up violence. Steve continued worshipping Eddie’s slightly unsteady hands, dripping with weird silver rings. Which had fortunately missed the worst of the smashing stuff or Eddie really would be badly bruised.

Pianists’ hands, Steve thought.

Which brought a lump to his throat. 

Now was so not the time to think about everything that had gone to shit in his life or his crappy loser-ville dreams. He forced a smile, trying to catch Eddie’s eye. He consoled himself with the matter he found Eddie attractive, which was a rare win with a John, plus he seemed… nice. Edgy, fidgety, but an all right dude.

Steve neatly tied the end of the bandages and chugged back his drink. Down to business.

“What’s your trip gonna be, Eddie? What sector of paradise city you wanna go cruisin’ thru tonight?” He internally face-palmed. Way to go, Harrington. Real smooth. “You wanna party first?”

A smirk twitched across Eddie’s soft-looking lips. “Weeeell, I don’t party up here much.”

“You’re kidding?” Steve leaped to his feet, waving his arms literally everywhere. “How can you not? This place is wild! We’re gonna party, okay? We’re gonna have an awesome time, man.” Raking his hair from his eyes—that cheap gel never was worth jackshit—he absorbed a few more details of his plush surroundings.  “You got one of those sound systems that takes 8 CDs at a time? That’s totally mental! And… shiiiiiit! Is that your guitar?” Steve dived to grab one of the coolest six strings he’d ever seen, a slender beauty with two-tone cream bodywork. “It’s totally rad! Do you play? I mean, that’s a dumb question. You must, I guess…”

He trailed off. Eddie stared at him, squirming slightly. It bordered on creepy. Steve kept blabbering because he was already waaaay too far down shit creek without a paddle to stop.

“Hey, should we put music on?" asked Steve. "Or do you wanna jam? You know, I kinda dabble myself from time to time… Uh, you okay?”

Eddie had finally got up. He took two paces across the room and yanked the guitar from Steve’s grip. “Nooooo music.”

“Is that some kinda rule?”

That teeniest smile again. “Shouldn’t you be telling me your rules, Steve? Like how much is a ‘party’ with you gonna set me back? Not that I give a rat’s ass, so c’mon, hit me.”

Another internal facepalm. Steve had intended to be upfront about rules and prices. Then again, it was the first time he’d negotiated for himself.

“You want me to stay the whole night?”

Eddie shrugged. Up close, his dark eyes were intoxicating, sucking Steve in, which was probably why Steve said, flustered: “Two hundred bucks and I stay till daylight.”

You were gonna quote four! If Kline comes sniffing, he’ll have at least a hundred off you.

Eddie nodded, laughed. The air reeked of vodka now. As well as the weed. Steve cleared his throat, pressed on:

“Rules. Okay. Nothing that leaves any marks on my skin. No breathplay. Got any weird kinks?”

“Not right now.” Eddie started fiddling with his rings on his unbandaged hand. “Nothing other than a hankering to fuck a really cute guy.”

Steve blushed like an idiot, and his heart gave a crazy thud. What the fuck? “And we gotta use rubbers,” he said.

“Obviously. Anything else? Like, do you kiss on the lips?”

Steve snickered. “You watch too many movies, Eddie.”

“Not much else to do, stuck up here with cable. So, you do kiss on the mouth?”

“Sure thing.”

Truth was, Steve had been thirsty for Eddie’s lips since that first merest hint of a smile. He edged forward so they stood pretty much nose to nose. He slipped a hand to cup Eddie’s jaw and plastered his mouth enthusiastically to Eddie’s. Eddie gave a surprised grunt, not yet parting those tempting lips.

Steve panicked. Shit, too much?

Then Eddie plunged his tongue straight towards Steve’s tonsils and they started kissing for real, and… Wow!

It was some kiss.

Steve dove straight in with his best tricks, sweeping the depths of Eddie’s mouth, hands roaming everywhere, trying to figure out what Eddie liked best. He threaded his fingers down the length of Eddie’s hair, which was salon-smooth and silky to the touch. Trouble was, the kiss was too damn pleasurable, and Eddie was giving it some too, messing up Steve’s hair, mashing their faces so it got kinda bruising. Steve plunged a hand down the front of Eddie’s loose jogging pants, grabbing his package.

“Hello big boy,” purred Steve, as they broke for air. “You fancy a little kiss down there?”

Ugh. Way to go with the cheesy lines again, Harrington.

Eddie didn’t seem to hear anyhow. His gaze locked so hard on Steve that he seemed almost in a trance. “I want to feel… Oh shit, I don’t know what I want.” Eddie clamped a hand in the small of Steve back, crushing Steve so close that his hand got squashed between both their erections. “I want to fuck you, Steve. Basic stuff.”

Steve smacked another sloppy wet kiss on Eddie’s parted lips. “Your wish is my command. I’ll, uh… be right back.”

…

After Steve left, Eddie sank down on the couch, buried his fingers deep in his hair. Wtf am I doing? What the fuck, WHAT THE FUCK?

He’d got a giant erection from the kiss alone.

Steve was gorgeous, and yeah, Eddie wanted to fuck him bad, and he was already having the best evening he’d had in eons. Didn’t stop his stupid brain racing onward to the black hole of doom that would follow.

You pay for fuck-buddies, now? Seriously, Munson? Seriously! 

His heart was already dying a little death, and part of him withered with embarrassment too. He knew the staff of this place thought he was a weird-ass freak. The God-like Dungeon Master and the front man of Corroded Coffin wouldn’t have given a damn about that.

But now? Eddie was embarrassed, and Christ, that was pathetic. And where the heck was Steve? If he took any longer in the bathroom, Eddie’s nerve would snap, he’d ask him to leave. It would be yet another date with Mr Palm and his five sons.

Tentatively, he tapped on the back of the door—it was the smaller of two washrooms in the suite. The one without the plunge pool. “You okay in there? Getting lonely here, brother.” Shit, ain’t that the truth, and was Steve doing drugs or something? If so, the son-of-a-bitch should share.

“Yeah. I’m just… Look, I’m not powdering my goddamn nose, okay? It’s, you know… lube. Been a while since I… um… yeah.”

Eddie’s knee-jerk disappointment overrode his spiralling nerves: “No way! I wanna do that.” 

He opened the door a crack. And there was Steve—jeans around his thighs, no underwear, fingers plunged between sweetly rounded ass cheeks, eyes wide as a startled bunny-rabbit. Eddie’s grin made his face ache. Damn, he’d not used those muscles in way too long.

“Sorry, I… Look, man, I’m gonna be straight with you.” Steve had backed up against the sink as Eddie closed in on him. “Most clients just wanna get in there, and—”

“I want in , believe me,” said Eddie, still grinning. He’d pretty much forgotten how good feeling this fucking hot for somebody was. “Fingers first. Seriously, I love playing with a guy’s ass.” 

“Well, that’s kinda cool. Because you have the most gorgeous hands I’ve ever seen.” Steve grasped the wrist of Eddie’s uninjured hand, drew it up to his wet shiny lips. The hrrrr of Steve’s breath alone was enough to make Eddie’s cock spring even farther to attention. Steve sucked Eddie’s fore and middle fingers deep, rolling his tongue around them, even emitting a douchey little moan. Didn’t sound as fake as Eddie felt it ought.

Slowly, almost torturously, Steve mouth-fucked Eddie’s fingers, eventually dragging them free with a wet pop.

“Jesus Christ,” murmured Eddie. Steve had gotten some full-on come-hither-shit going on in those ridiculously pretty eyes, and it was almost too much, too soon. Eddie was going weak at the knees, just letting Steve take the lead, and his brains were disintegrating to mush. 

Steve—the slutty little torturer—dragged Eddie’s fingers around toward his butt, guiding them along that warm cleft between his cheeks. “You want in?” murmured Steve. “Then get in me. Though, seriously—you got a whole penthouse, and you’re gonna do me against the sink in your second-best restroom?”

They stumbled toward the bedroom. Steve almost tripped over the jeans he’d gotten tangled around his ankles, and Eddie nearly collided with another fake-marble pillar. They wound up on Eddie’s gigantic, four-poster Emperor size bed, with Steve splayed naked, ass upward, on the grotesque pink satin covers.

Eddie crawled up over him on all fours, ready to go. Damn, he didn’t wanna rush this. Didn’t want it to be over. Steve looked fucking edible, one knee hitched, chin tilted to the side, chewing his lower lip in a deliciously filthy fashion.

Eddie leaned back and gave his own dick a couple of pumps. He mingled his own precum with lube, rolling it gleefully between his thumb and forefinger, before sliding the latter into Steve.

Steve’s little hiccupping gasps were precious. Eddie snickered—he knew just how awesome it could feel, all those nerve-endings set alight. And Steve’s hole… Eddie wasn’t gonna complain that Steve had loosened himself up. It was like gliding into goddamn honey. He pressed another digit in, scissored, literally crumbling at the sound of Steve’s sexy hitched breaths.

“Oh God, Eddie… Yeah… there… fucking awesome. You got me dripping, man. I’m gonna fuckin’ come.”

“Liar, liar, ass on fire. Nobody’s that easy.” He curled his fingers, deliberate delving for Steve’s prostate.

“For you… I’m… uh… uh… whatever you w-want me to be.” Okay, that was a wake-up call. Eddie was maybe enjoying this a little too much. But the corny lines felt way faker than Steve’s needy sighs. He pulsed and clenched around Eddie’s fingers and Eddie revelled in it. He kinda wanted to slide his fist in, but Steve was still pretty tight, and…

“Oh Gooooood,” wailed Steve. “I should be paying you.”

“Nah. I’m having fun here, Sweetheart.” Eddie really was. 

“I… uh… uh… charge extra for pet-name. J-joking.”

“Okay, Princess.”

That earned Eddie a punishing clench. “Sh-shut the f-fuck up.”

“Gimme that tough lovin’ around my dick, Princess.”

Eddie grinned harder than ever, slowly eased his fingers out. For a joyful split second, he realized he was feeling himself again. Eddie flip-the-bird-at-the-whole-fucking-world Munson was back!

Nah, don’t think too hard. Don’t lose the illusion…

He gave Steve light swat on the ass.

“Ow! Uuuuh, Jesus, I feel empty.” Steve waggled that insane cute butt. “Eddie, you gotta fuck me. I want you, man. I need you.”

Eddie stared down Steve’s little hole, and the rest of the world might as well have gone nuclear. He slipped the rubber on his dick—Steve seemed to have lost it so far, he’d forgotten even to remind Eddie—then he slid into Steve’s tight body and fucked him hard.

…

“Can I have my two-hundred dollars, please?”

Steve hated asking the question of Eddie.

Eddie was nice. And hot. Even while peeping from beneath the bedcovers like a vampire scared shitless of daylight.

Last night was pretty damn good, really. Far better than Steve had any right to expect. So yeah, he hated asking, and his stupid fingers were shaking, which was annoying and weird and meant he really struggled with the buttons on his shirt, but… 

He needed the money. He needed his meds, and he’d still gotten that hopelessly colossal hospital bill from last winter hanging over him.

“Uh, Eddie? Look, I’m really fucking sorry I woke you, man, but I gotta go serve breakfast. Oh, and try not to limp. You got quite the python in your pants there, dude.” It was a dumb cheesy line, but not entirely flattery. Steve hadn’t been fucked in a while. Eddie had ridden him three times in the end, before they’d snatched a few hours of sleep. “So..?”

“Yeah. Right.” Eddie finally lugged himself into action, wandered into the lounge. “Okay… wallet. Not sure where I left it, uh… You need help with those buttons?”

Standing in the doorway between the rooms, Steve wrinkled his nose in surrender. “Please?” 

That just proved fresh torture. Eddie got up close and personal again with those hands, one still bandaged, and those lips, and…

Get over it, Harrington. He paid to dick you for the night. You got lucky that he’s a nice guy and now you’ve got a dumb crush on him?

“Uh, you might wanna do something about your face,” mumbled Eddie.

“Huh?”

“Eyeliner? You look like a stray member of Kiss, Honey.” Eddie gently dabbed beneath Steve’s eye with a fingertip, and Steve… kinda froze. Then he flinched away. Eddie wandered off again and still couldn’t find his wallet. Steve was gonna be late, so after he’d washed the rest of the crap off his face, he settled for a fifty-dollar bill that Eddie found stuffed down the side of one of the couches.

“I’ll have the cash later, promise,” said Eddie, rubbing bleary, blood-shot eyes of his own. “You’ll come back?”

“For my fee? You bet,” mumbled Steve. He grabbed his knapsack, and made for the door. Eddie caught his wrist lightly:

“Yeah, but… You wanna come back for more than that?”

Despite his rising stress levels—Kline was gonna flay his ass—Steve’s heart gave another crazy little pulse. He mentally slapped himself, schooled his features into a weary mask of don’t-give-a-shit.

“That’s up to you, not me. I mean, it’s gonna cost you another two hundred dollars on top of the one-fifty you already owe me.”

“Done,” said Eddie, almost too quick, and then… 

Shit, Steve couldn’t help himself. He leaned in, brushed his mouth lightly against Eddie’s. He sensed the moment when Eddie’s slightly parted lips curved toward a smile. He just about managed to smirk rather than grin back like a besotted idiot.

“That one’s on the house.” Steve tugged his wrist free and literally sprinted from the penthouse to the service elevator.

Chapter 3 on AO3

Chapter 3.1 on tumblr or search #thefreakinthepenthouse

Likes and reblogs appreciated and will feed the bunnies :) 🐰💕🐰💕🐰💕🐰💕 thank you 💕🐰💕

[hungryforpowernotfood]

Making a Deal (Part 2)

Summary: Your date, gentlemen and distinguished folks

Warning(s): House being rude to waiting restaurant staff, being misgendered/mistaken as a woman (being called ma'am), self doubt, and anxiety

Pairing(s): Greg House x ftm reader

You stood on the sidewalk waiting for House to drive up. He had insisted on picking you up and treating it like an actual date. He was even on time when you recognized his car approaching you.

You gave him a small wave and watched as he pulled up along the sidewalk, and stopped the car a few feet ahead of where you were. 

You frowned as you started walking towards the car. He got out and started limping around to the other side.

“What’d you do that for?”

“Because if I pulled up beside you, you would get in the car myself. And if memory serves, that’s not exactly how dates go.” He responds, opening up the passenger door for you.

“Right, but isn’t that for women?”

“Ever heard of equality, l/n? Get in the car.”

You huffed, and got in—him practically slamming the door shut after you. He slammed his door shut as well after he got in, and you wondered if he knew he didn’t need to slam it for it to properly close, but decided against bringing it up.   

Aside from the radio playing, the majority of the car ride was silent between the two of you—House made a few comments about the restaurant he was taking you to, and made a joke about how he didn’t know what food you liked. He occasionally made comments about what was playing, but he never changed the station. 

“Don’t get out yet.” He ordered after he had parked the car. He got out himself, then limped to your side, and opened your door for you.

“Thank you.” 

“You’re welcome.” House made a point of saying the words, but he loosely linked his arm to yours as you made your way toward the restaurant. He gave the greeter his name for the reservation, and the two of you were led to your table.

The restaurant was admittedly nicer than you thought it would be, however, the conversation was as forced as you predicted it would be, despite the few compliments he made. 

It wasn’t very long before the waitress introduced herself, and offered to get your drinks. House ordered your drink for you—insisting you try something and trust him—and by the time the waitress got back with your drinks, she took your orders. 

House decided to go first, and you were about to make a biting comment about how he could’ve just picked something for you when you realized something: you had never presented as male before in public. Not like this, at least. You hadn’t been able to get any interviews yet, and when you went to the store, you were always able to go to the self-checkout. 

“And for you sir?” The waitress turned to you, and you barely registered that she was talking to you. 

You cleared your throat, attempting to deepen your voice.

“I’ll take the—” You cut yourself off by the waitress’s expression.

“I–I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize—I meant ma’am.”

You tried not to flinch at the word. You glanced at House and saw he was glaring at the waitress.

“I know they don’t pay you much,” he growled, making her turn to face him, “and obviously you didn’t get much schooling, but you must be an idiot to refer to my boyfriend as ‘ma’am’.”

He made a point of mocking the word ‘ma’am’, like a child who just learned a new nonsense word, and thinks it’s the most ridiculous thing ever to roll off their tongue. 

“I—right, I’m sorry, it’s my mistake—” She said, turning to address you now. 

“That was established.” House scoffed. 

“What can I get for you, sir?” The waitress asked a little quieter now, though you were sure it was only to avoid any more ridicule from House. 

You gave her your order—her quickly jotting it down as you said it, repeating it to the both of you to make sure she got both orders right, and quickly walking back to the kitchen.

House rolled his eyes. “Honestly, if I can’t escape idiots at work, you’d think I’d at least be able to avoid them here.”

“It’s okay.”

“Not really.”

“No, I mean…I understand why she thought…I don’t look very masculine.”

House cocked his head to the side. “Sure, maybe you don’t have a beard to make it obvious you have a mix of testosterone and the proper hormones to give some people the hint that maybe you possibly are male, but that doesn’t mean she should be rude about it.”

“She wasn’t being rude.”

“Yes, she was. You’re clearly presenting as male, she had no issue in assuming that we were two men having dinner, and did not hesitate to call you ‘sir’. She only changed when she heard her voice. Which is rude. Especially considering there could’ve been a genetic reason or medical reason for you not having a lower voice.”

“I know that, but—”

“No buts. Let her learn her lesson.”

You gave him a look. “When did you teach her a lesson?” You teased slightly.

“That she shouldn’t have just assumed what you preferred to be called. If you didn’t want to be called ‘sir’, you would’ve corrected her the first time. Or I would have.” House paused, before slightly furrowing his brow. “Besides, no one wants to be called ‘ma’am.”

[old-29]

He needed me

by .O.L.D.

Summary: It’s Susannah’s funeral and you know that Conrad Fisher needs you.

Warning: mention of drugs, funeral, death

*Change of font is a flashback*

He needed me:

A lot of people were in that room, people who barely knew her. It was almost not fair that the people who barely knew her got to grieve when the people who were the closest to her tried their best to keep it together. At least I was trying. However, Susannah made a huge mark on the world so I was at least glad people came to reflect on that. As I was sitting through the eulogy the priest was saying, I refused to show any emotion. At least I tried. I couldn’t break down because of Conrad, I needed to be strong for him and his brother Jeremiah. Even though the two of them sat in front of my family so they couldn’t see if I broke down or not, I still wanted to be strong for them, I wanted to be the person they could lean on, if needed. I was doing a great job bottling everything down until it was Conrad’s turn to speak.

I’ve been in love with Conrad since I’ve been going to Cousins to spend the summer with the Fishers. My mom, Laurel, was best friends with Susannah so I grew up with the 2 brothers every summer. My twin sister, Belly or Isabel, has a massive crush on Conrad too but last summer she was on her last straw with him. You see, last summer, the last one we had with Susannah, Conrad and I had a moment. I was the only one who was there for him with what he was going through. I know my sister tried by wanting him to open up to her and she was coming off a little forceful but I took a different approach that Conrad was not expecting.

I sat there on the beach, completely spacing out and forgetting the world. My sister and I just finished embarrassing ourselves at the first annual bonfire. As in “embarrassing ourselves”, I mean, Belly embarrassing herself and me just kinda being there. I was always just there. I don’t really have any of my own friends at school, I just hang out with Belly and every boy I think is interested in me, it’s Belly they like. See, I’m just there. I was completely lost in thought until a very handsome boy sat next to me.

“I knew I would find you here”,Conrad said as he pulled a joint out of his pocket.

I was never one to talk to him, of course I did but it was usually a conversation accompanied by my brother, sister, Jeremiah or one of the moms. If I was stuck having a conversation by myself with Conrad, I was a stuttering mess which he seemed to find very amusing.

As I looked over at him, I began to see how tired and worried the boy was which he tried to hide with an asshole demeanour. As I continued to unravel the boy, all the thoughts that were helping me form a conversation just disappeared and I just spoke.

“Connie, I’m not expecting you to tell me what’s wrong or to open up to me eventually and I’m not going to lecture you on why you are acting the way you are. All I’m going to say is stop throwing away who you are. Smoking weed isn’t like you and drinking a lot isn’t like you. You quit training camp which I know that even if you sat on the bench all season, you’d still have the time of your life. So, you can keep telling everyone that nothing is wrong and that you’re “fine” but I know that it’s complete and utter bullshit. All I’m trying to say is that I am worried about you and that I hope you know that whatever is going on, I’m here for you, even if you need me to sit on the beach and watch you smoke. I’d do anything because I love you, Conrad!”

Then I embraced him in a hug. I wasn’t expecting him to tell me what was wrong like my sister, mom and Susannah had been. I just needed him to know that I was there for him. However, I also wasn’t expecting pulling back from the hug only to receive one of the best first kisses someone could ever experience. He was gentle yet showed a lot of passion. His hands cupped my face as mine rested on his shoulders. It was a much needed kiss that held so much emotion and unsaid things.

“I love you too, y/n.”

I don’t know what went wrong after that. I was too nervous to talk to him after our moment, even though he expressed multiple times that he wanted to talk to about what happened. I would’ve dated him in a heartbeat but I didn’t want him to feel burdened by me and I felt that I would screw something up and that I was not good enough for him. So, we went back to being “friends” and I watched him date Nicole while meanwhile I was dying inside. However, Conrad continued being there for me while I continued being there for him. He even became my escort because I didn’t want to ask anyone else but him so Susannah “forced” him to take me. However, Conrad said that he was glad he took me in the first place. Then that night, everyone found out Susannah’s cancer came back which Conrad knew about for a long time. The rest of summer was all of us hanging out together as a group until summer was over and it was time to return back home. We would spend the rest of the year not reaching out until one day I received an out of the blue call from a sobbing Conrad about how his mother was dying. Then, my mom flew out to Boston so she could be there to support Susannah and the boys and the week before the funeral, my siblings and I flew out to support Conrad and Jeremiah which is now leading us to this day.

It was Conrad’s turn to speak and I watched as he stood up and walked towards the seat up at the front of the church, sit down and pull out an acoustic guitar

“This is the song that she would always ask me to play for her.”

He was so nervous and he kept glancing around the room until he met my eyes. Then he began to sing.

“Oh where, oh where, can my baby be? The lord took her away from me. She’s gone to heaven so I’ve got to be good so I can see my baby when I leave this world.”

All the strength that I had mustered up so I could be strong for the two Fisher brothers disappeared and I began silently sobbing. My sister noticed as she wrapped her arm around me. I was shaking with every sob. Conrad made direct eye contact with my sobbing self and he began to stutter over the lyrics. I watched as he tried to gain the strength to continue singing but every time he tried, he kept breaking down. I knew how much this song meant to him and that in this moment he wanted nothing more to finish it for his mom, so I stood up and started to make my way over to where he sat.

“Sit down, y/n”, my mom exclaimed in a very serious yet whispered voice.

My mom was always very critical on decisions I’d make or things I’d try to do. Yes, she was like this with my other siblings but it never compared to me.

“Let her go, Laurel”, my dad whispered back.

I began to walk up to him. He stared in my eyes and with each step closer to him, I could see all of his sadness freeze, even if it was just for a moment. I found myself standing behind him and putting my hand on his very tense shoulder. I bent down to whisper in his ear:

“I’m here for you Connie. I’m right here.”

His shoulders seemed to relax and then Conrad began to sing again. I knew that he needed someone there for him in this moment. As he sang, I began to cry again so I rested my head on Conrad’s head so no one could see my tears. I knew people could tell I was crying because my body was shaking with sobs. However, none of it mattered because I was there with Conrad. Once Conrad finished, I wiped my tears away and gave Conrad a very weak smile as he stood up to look at me.

“Thank you, y/n/n.”

I grabbed his hand as I saw tears forming in his eyes. I gave his hand a squeeze and went to let it go but Conrad grasped it. I knew he still needed me. We walked back to our seats and instead of me sitting with my family, I sat with Conrad as he rested his head on my shoulder with my hand still in his.

Once the funeral service was over, he turned to look at me.

“Can you stay with me, y/n/n. I really need you.”

“Of course, Connie. Anything you need me to do, I will.”

With that, we stood up and walked out of the church. My dad gave Conrad and I a ride over to the reception. Conrad never said a word the rest of the day but he never let me go. He either held my hand, my waist or made sure our arms were touching. He needed me and quite frankly, I needed him too. It always made me feel better to know that he was ok.

All I knew is that I needed to be there for the boy I loved for years as I still and always will love him.

[drewsbuzzcut]

Persephone

drew starkey x fem!reader

part of the college baseball au ( the breakup part 3) pt 1 , pt 2

warnings: alcohol consumption, angst?

Late April (almost 2 months after the breakup)

Drew sits at the bar, feeling empty no matter how hard he tries to fill himself up on overpriced alcohol. He should be the happiest he’s ever been- he got recruited by his dream team and spent the day visiting the city he will soon call home, but his happiness was sinking by the minute. He tries not to think about how downtrodden you sounded on the phone when he called to tell you about his recruitment (out of habit). He honestly didn’t expect you to answer the phone, but when you did, the good news just spewed out from his mouth. He barely had enough time to hear your sniffles. He tried asking what was wrong but you kept insisting that you were fine. You just congratulated him on his good news, he knew it was forced, though. 

There was something wrong, but he just couldn’t find it in himself to get you to crack and tell him. It felt out of place for him to do that, so he swallowed his worry and chalked up your sadness to something that may have been going on in your life. It drove him crazy that he didn’t know what was going on in your life. 

“Drowning your sorrows, too?” Drew hears a voice next to him ask. 

He turns to see who it is and it’s a tall brunette with the bluest eyes he’s ever seen. Even more blue than his. She has long, beach waves and a septum piercing. Her skin was flawless. A woman many men would dream about. 

“Not necessarily,” Drew mutters back. 

“Hmmm… so you’re just drinking about two beers every 30 minutes for fun?” Says the girl. 

“You keeping an eye on me?” 

“No. I just notice a lot of things. I also know that drinking as much as you are is because you’re trying to forget something,” the girl retorted. 

Drew just hums, not wanting the girl to know that she was absolutely correct.

She squints her eyes, trying to get a better read on him. She notices the bags under his eyes and the lack of color in his skin. 

“Who is she?” The girl asks. 

“Why do want to know?” Drew asks.

“Just want to know more about why you’re here.”

“You don’t even know my name. I don’t even know yours, and you want to know about why I’m here,” drew laughs sarcastically. 

“Persephone,” the girl finally introduces herself. She holds out her hand for Drew to shake it. 

“Uncommon name,” Drew points out. 

“Uncommon parents. What’s your name?”

“Drew.”

“And who’s the girl that has you in here when you’re wishing you were with her?” 

“Y/n. And I don’t wish I was with her.”

“You don’t?” Persephone asks, knowing he is lying. 

“No.”

Persephone lets the conversation die. She knows when not to claw too deep. She orders two shots, sliding one over to drew. He takes it without hesitation. They sit in silence for about 10 minutes. 

“You’re right,” Drew says lowly.

“What was that?” Persephone has to resist the urge to smirk. 

“I do wish I was with y/n.”

“Then why aren’t you with her?”

“We broke up. Plus, I’m an asshole who doesn’t really deserve her.”

“But you love her?” 

“I do. So much.” Drew admits.

“Then you should be with her,” Persephone states.

“It’s not that simple.”

“Sure it is. You go to her and tell her everything that’s buried in your heart. Bare your soul to her.”

“You don’t get it.”

“Drew! You love her, then go get her. It is that simple. Be completely honest. Get her to be honest with you. If it’s meant to be, you will end up together. If it’s not, then at least you got everything off your chest.”

“I don’t know how to get her to open up to me anymore,” Drew says bitterly.

“Yes you do. I’m sure you’ve done it before. Dig down in your head and remember all the times you’ve gotten her to open up to you. It’ll all come rushing back to you.”

“Why’re you helping me?”

“Love deserves to be shared and felt. I want people to experience love,” Persephone says. 

“Do you love someone?”

“Myself.”

“Is that enough?” Drew questions. 

“It is for now.”

They sit in silence for a while, but Drew ends up breaking it again.

“I’m going to get y/n back! I need to book a flight back home like now,” Drew realizes that he’s probably had too much to drink. 

“Sober up first.”

Drew drowns a cup of water every 20 minutes, wanting to sober up as soon as possible. When he finally feels like he can function properly, he gathers his belonging and heads back to his hotel to pack up and head to the airport.

Before he actually leaves the bar, he turns to Persephone for one last request.

“Can I have your phone number?”

“Ummm… why?” Persephone was a bit thrown off by his question.

“So I can tell you how things turn out,” Drew answers.

Persephone smiles at his sweetness, hoping and praying that he gets his happiness back. She sends him off with her phone number, wishing that when she does receive a text from him, it’s because he’s happy. 

a/n: This is the third part of the breakup! I hope you all enjoy; there will be more!

[oubliette-odette]

The Reluctance of Love Pt. 26

Do you ever write a chapter and just...hate it?

That was this chapter and I've been working and reworking it over and over again and this morning it finally clicked what I was missing and so I hope you enjoy this chapter more than I do, because I have beef with this chapter.

Orc Male x Half-Elf Male, Fated Mates, Forbidden Love, Slow Burn Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23 Content Warnings: unhealthy parent dynamics All orcish is from orcishdictionary.com, created by Matt Vancil.

Altan POV

“So,” I began, trying my best not to fidget, “How do you find Berdusk?” 

The Lady Allara seemed to be a timid creature, we had been walking along the grounds for at least an hour and conversation was dreadfully, painfully slow. Some might be surprised to know that her conversation skills were inferior to that of orcs. 

“Oh, it’s quite nice.” She replied, blinking her wide eyes at me. She had an uncanny gaze that never strayed from my face. I could never tell if she was pleased when she looked at me, or simply frightened out of her mind, either way her wide, globulous eyes and her open mouth smile never was not on me.

There truly was no time to be amused by anything, but I couldn’t help but think that Drun would find her just as unsettling as I, and there was some warm comfort in that. Despite the distance and not knowing his condition, I still felt him near me. He was in my every waking thought and motivated every breath I took. He would return to me, that I was determined, and in the meantime I forced myself to believe that all was well and that what I was doing was enough.

I looked behind me and bit back the sigh I wanted to release when I locked eyes with the guards who followed us close behind. 

Earlier that day, Commander Gideon had only just left before those same guards  had returned with the servants to prepare me for the day. Since then, they had not left my sight, even within the privacy of my own room. It took much wailing and gnashing of teeth to convince them to let me bathe without one of them watching me. The absolute perverts.

“Do you miss Triel?” I asked Allara. “You’ve been gone almost a fortnight, is that correct?”

She shrugged, “I’m content to go where father takes me.”

Odd answer. I looked over at her again. Her expression was vacant of most any emotion. She didn’t look anywhere but me, in fact I don’t think she had looked out at the gardens once.

“My mother started this garden, you know.” I changed the subject. “She brought seeds from her homeland, isn’t it beautiful?”

“Yes, quite.” She neither blinked nor looked away from me, not even once. 

I swallowed thickly. “My lady, is everything alright?”

“Perfectly.” She said, “And you?”

I narrowed my eyes while I looked back at the guards, “The same, I suppose.” I said vacantly. They wouldn’t give away anything. Even if they knew, they’re helmets concealed too much of their face to even help.

“How about some tea?” I asked. I needed to distract myself from her and a drink and something sweet to eat from the kitchen seemed like a good idea.

“Whatever you wish, my lord.” She said, “That sounds perfectly splendid.”

“Do you like tea?”

“Oh yes.” She bowed her head.

“Hmmm.” I nodded softly. I clasped my hands behind my back as I led her and the two guards behind us back into the interior of the Great Hall. I glanced back one last time to the gardens, appreciating the work that had been done to keep my mother’s plants alive. Someday, Drun would see it, I vowed.

The kitchens were pleasantly warm and quite busy when we entered. The head cook glanced up and nodded sagely when I walked in. They were used to my brothers and I coming in after our studies to enjoy a sweet treat with some tea. It was a safe space amongst so few of them and the cook was always kind even though I had never seen them speak a word in all my time knowing them.

They moved quickly to set two seats for myself and Allara to rest and then placed a setting for each of us to receive tea. A kettle was already beginning to boil.

“My lord, what a surprise!” I turned and gasped when I saw in the corner the large shadowy shape of a Dragonborn. How had I not seen them there? Doxxah was carrying a tray of baked goods, steam still rising from them.

“Doxxah! Wonderful to see you.” I said. I gestured for Lady Allara to take a seat, which she obliged with no objection. I stepped away, closer to my old friend.

“Likewise my lord, though a bit unexpected.” Doxxah gave a knowing stare. “Would you care to help me?”

I glanced at my fiance, who sat contentedly on her chair, her feet swinging slightly back and forth. From my distance it even seemed she had more of a natural smile on her face as she held her cup of tea. I turned back to Doxxah and nodded, “I would be honoured to help.”

 “How is the Lady Allara?” Doxxah’s voice was soft, not carrying above the sounds of the kitchen in use. We both glanced over at her, but the girl did not seem to notice the conversation being about her.

“Odd.” I said. “But not unkind.”

They nodded in acknowledgement. “And how is your paramour?”

“I do not know.” I answered. I glanced at the guards standing at the door. “I am…a bit stuck.”

They nodded. “Take heart, my lord, things will work out.” They placed a clawed hand upon my shoulder and winked. “You have many who are eager to see you happy.”

I bowed my head, “I know that, I am grateful.”

“There’s a but in there.” They said.

“But what if even after everything, my happiness can never be mine?”

“Hmmm, an honest question.” They reached for the last tray they had that had rows of steaming cinnamon rolls. I reached and pulled them from the tray and onto the serving plates on the table next to us. “Truly I am not the right person for this question, for I am ever the optimist. If you are not happy, my lord, then that is not your ending. Do not settle until then.”

“But what if he’s gone?” I breathed. I wasn’t certain if they could even hear me. To utter my greatest fear aloud, that Drunrag might be dead without my knowing, haunted me. I was suddenly shivering where I stood.

“Oh my young lord.” Doxxah lifted a plate with a roll on it and placed it into my hand. “Do not dwell on what we do not know. Take heart and in the meantime, warm your stomach with what is good. I have to be going, but I am always nearby.” They bared their teeth in a friendly, but also quite ferocious grin directed at the guards. They lifted their stack of trays and waved to the cook who was already working on a different dish before they made their way out of the kitchen.

I sighed. I supposed Doxxah was right. I had no way of knowing and thinking about it so obsessively made no difference. I needed to follow through on my plan. 

If I’m not happy, then it’s not the end. Not yet.

Lady Allara didn’t react as if I had even stepped away when I sidled into the seat next to her and placed a plate with her own cinnamon roll in front of her. “For you.” I said. 

Her eyes locked onto me, a sudden passing expression of fear on her gaze. “You are very kind.” She said, her voice was lower than normal, more mellow and somber. “I’m sorry.” she whispered.

“Sorry?” I asked. “Whatever for?”

She looked down into the bottom of her cup. “Our parents aren’t very honest people, are they?”

I drew my hands back from the table and onto my lap. “Allara, is there something you know that I don’t?”

Her hands were shaking and she couldn’t meet my eyes. 

“Whatever you can do, don’t play their game.” She finally met my gaze. There was hate and rage in those eyes, her demure appearance shed away to reveal a creature filled with spite and revenge.  “My father and your father…they each hold each other in a chokehold of secrets. There would be no reason for a wedding if those secrets were conveniently revealed.”

I narrowed my eyes. “How might one go about that?” 

The doors suddenly burst open and I jumped, I spun in my seat and looked down at my uneaten pastry.

“There you are!” The Duke of Triel exclaimed, my father just at his heels. “We thought you two would be in the garden. We had to search all over to find you.” His voice was jovial, but when I spared a stare I caught a sharpness in his stare as he closed the distance between himself and his daughter.

“I should have known you’d show her your favourite haunts, son.” My father smirked, but it was not a kind one. “But at this hour? It is only an hour before suppertime.”

“My daughter tends to have an upset stomach if she’s consumed too many sweets before a meal. She’s probably got some shaking in her. Ah yes, there it is. Come my love.” The Duke of Triel spoke quickly as he ushered towards the young woman and pulled her away from her seat. I watched as her eyes met mine. There was nothing vacant or uncanny in them. They were alert and locked onto me and then, the duke’s hands were on her and she was dragged away and soon out of my sight.

Did they truly think I was an idiot to not see what was happening here? I looked over to my father, glaring.

“Any particular reason you’re so displeased with me today, son?” He asked dryly, “Or is it the same as usual?”

“What are you doing to her?” I asked.

“What do you mean?” My father asked. All innocence in his tone. 

I rose to my feet. “You’re both up to something, and we’re being used as your pawns. I won’t accept such dishonesty, especially from you. It’s time we stop following in the steps of our forefathers. Look where it got you. Where it got our whole family. If I am to take your place as Duke, I will set the precedent now that this will not continue.”

“Hmm. I’m not sure what you’re seeing that’s making you so upset, son. I expect a bit more congenial attitude at supper. And you better be dressed.” Was my father’s only response before he turned and walked out.

I slumped back into my chair and looked down at my tea and cinnamon roll, both still warm. I took a bite and felt the hot buttery bread soften and melt in my mouth, cinnamon pervading any other flavor. I suddenly felt hot tears on my face. 

“Drun.” I said under my breath, burying my face into my hands. “I don’t know what I’m doing without you.”

I should have hurried back to my quarters to dress for supper, but I held back for as long as I could. I savored each bite of the pastry, and then slowly sucking the icing and cinnamon off of my fingers. I imagined another world where Drunrag was sitting next to me, sitting on his hands as he expectantly watched me try something Doxxah taught him how to bake. I showered him with praises and let him lick the sugar on my lips before kissing me deeply. 

My stomach twisted at the sight of it all. If only it could be so blissful. More tears spilled over.

“Brother.” 

I raised my head and Selhar had taken Allara’s empty seat. His eyes were wide with concern. 

“I’m fine.” I said, “Just thinking too much.” I sat up straight and wiped my hands clean. “Will you be at supper?”

He shook his head. “No, it’s just for you and Allara and the Duke. Father insisted on privacy.” He dropped his bottom lip. “Whose pastry is this?” He suddenly asked, a touch of his young childhood whine snuck into his voice as he looked down at the roll before him.

“Yours, if you want it.” I sniffed and wiped my nose. “Lady Allara was meant to eat it, but she had somewhere else to be.”

“But I think this might be yours.” He said, sliding out a small slip of paper from beneath the plate. In small, loopy script was written, “Altan.”

Selhar kept an eye on me as I unfolded the slip, but his mouth was already full of the warm roll. 

Altan,

I don’t know if I will ever have the presence of mind to give this to you, but you must know the truth from my side. You and I are victims of dishonorable men who happen to be our fathers. Neither of us want this marriage, I’m aware. So let us help one another. 

My father, the Duke of Triel, is the father of at least five illegitimate children. There may be more. I have in here included the names of those I was able to track down. Since my father discovered my knowledge of them, he has kept me drugged so that I will not reveal his secret. But you may be able to do something with this information.

Lastly, even when I am under the influence of the herbs my father forces on me, I am still aware of many things. I’ve heard our fathers speak about the underground guild known as the Red Hunters. I have always understood them to be a neutral force that is swayed by whatever is the stronger power. At this time, the Red Hunters and your father’s partnership is built upon a common enemy: the orcs that reside in the Fields of the Dead. The Red Hunters are promised a share of those lands after the orcs have been cleansed and your father intends to use the rest to expand the Trade routes that exist beyond Triel and Berdusk. Perhaps a bargain can be struck if you can offer something greater.

Should we both remain in the chains our fathers built for us, please know that I will not hold any ill will towards you.

Yours, 

Allara

I passed the note to Selhar and rose to my feet. “See if you can get this to who it needs to. I have to go.” I reached for his head and tussled it lightly. I didn’t dare say anything else with the present company, but I met his stare and we each shared a nervous smile. “And take a sweet to Robin. He’d like that.”

Things would be alright, I thought to myself, I still had my brothers to look after. Drunrag haunted my every thought, but I had to be realistic. My brothers were just as important and I would not abandon them.

The dining hall was vacant of any guests except for myself, Allara, The Duke of Triel and my own father, the Duke of Berdusk. It was a small, intimate dinner arrangement that only took up one end of a very elongated table. I wished that Selhar and Robin could be there, if only to distract me from the uncomfortable stare I would get from the three other guests.

Allara’s expression had returned to its vacant, empty stare and she answered everything with the same politeness and poise that I was familiar with. I searched for some sign of that trembling, human girl beneath, but whatever the Duke had done to her had suppressed her completely. I eyed the Duke cautiously as he sat across and to the right of me.

In a rare act of humbleness, my father had left the head of the table vacant to sit next to me on my right and across from the Duke of Triel. It certainly gave the appearance of two happy families preparing for a joyous wedding amongst friends.

It was just so far from that when we all knew that Allara and I were being used as toys in a game that we never were explained the rules to. And one of us wasn’t even given the presence of mind to fight back.

The food in front of me was decadent and elaborate, I envisioned the cook when I had seen them earlier that day, bustling from one end of the kitchen to the other. It was a wonder they managed to make it all on their own. But the passing thought that I kept coming to was fear that maybe if I took a bite, I too, would end up just like Allara, caught in a web that put me exactly where my father wanted me to be. Compliant, pleasant, obedient to his every desire.

“Something the matter?” My father asked under his breath. 

I looked over to him, blinking.

“You haven’t taken a single bite.”

Certainly words like that ease one’s worries when they believe they’re about to be poisoned. I felt my stomach as it twisted and I took a spoonful up to my lips and prayed silently to the gods that I would somehow be spared. Oh gods, spare me.

I waited for the inevitable to happen as I slowly chewed and swallowed the warm food. My father didn’t glance over in my direction as I held my breath and waited.

Nothing happened, thank gods.

“So, Altan.” The Duke Triel asked. “Your father and I took some time to discuss wedding dates. We believe sooner is better than later. What with kidnappings and other dangers about, we believe it’s best to heighten security and quicken the pace.”

“Is this something that can be negotiated?” I asked.

I felt a harsh boot jam into my foot below the table. I didn’t flinch or look away from the Duke of Triel.

“Well…is there a reason you would like to wait?” He asked.

“Oh yes, you see. I don’t think marrying so quickly is a competent choice on either of your parts. If such dangers are causing risk to myself and my betrothed, then such dangers also exist for our people. Until we can assure competent security and my kidnapper is brought before me, the wedding will not happen.”

“Son.” My father’s voice was tightlipped and forced. “This is not the time nor place.”

“Is it not?” I asked. “I was under the impression that you expected me to become the next Duke, what with all of those council meetings I was forced to attend. Should I not be thinking about the greater good for our people, and yours?” I nodded to the Triels. “I doubt a single council member would disagree that safety is our upmost priority, not secrecy. The people will want to celebrate this wedding, and I will have that for them, especially after so many years they’ve spent grieving the loss of our Duchess. But if you had wished me to be submissive as before, perhaps you should have expressed your intentions differently.”

Neither Duke spoke, which let me continue, “And seeing how between myself and Alarra, I seem to be the only cognizant one present in a conversation, I suppose the decision is left up to me, isn’t it my betrothed?” I asked sweetly. 

“Whatever you wish, my lord.” She responded with her saccharine tongue. “I am happy to be by your side.”

I grinned. “See?”

“She has not been well, my lord.” Her father replied.

“That’s apparent.” I sniffed with contempt. “I promise the both of you, that whatever secrets you have hidden so deep beneath your fine coats and thick necks, I will expose the both of you, unless you promise me my kidnapper returned to me alive.”

“An empty threat son.” My father said, “End the theatrics now.”

I turned sharply to face him. “Is it? You don’t know what I know. Two can play this game father, and you were such a good teacher.” I said, my grin widening. I rose to my feet. “But the game will end and when it does, I hope your names are sent straight to the nine hells.”

I didn’t wait to be excused, nor did I look back to see their faces.  Half of the battle was convincing them that I was worth being feared, intimidated by and carrying the confidence to not care what they thought. 

I stepped out into the hall and let out a deep breath. I predicted that things would likely get worse before they got better, but I was determined to see this through.

I was followed back to my chambers with an extra guard in tow. I glanced back at them and winked before stepping into my room and hearing one of them following in behind me. 

I was surprised to find Robin asleep on my bed. His face had sticky bits of frosting on his cheek. He looked peaceful. I let out a sigh. There would be no rest for me, not yet.

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[danwhobrowses]

That (Other) Time I was All In

From this angle it seems like I was farther away, but I assure you I was at least 10 rows closer this time XD

Another All In is in the books and I had the pleasure of attending it again. I promised myself last year that if I was gonna come back it'd only be under 2 requirements; I'd get closer seats and the card had to sell it to me this time. And for the second consecutive year AEW delivered massively.

I'll discuss more below, not a lot of action pictures I'm afraid they all came out blurry.

Also Spoilers for All In 2024 if you don't already know the results

So there are two things to talk about, one is the show (split into before and during) and the other is travel, so I'm just gonna rant about both in case anyone else thinks about going to Wembley in 2026 (or next year if Forbidden Door is at Wembley, they only say London right now).

Travel to and from Wembley

Okay for starters, travelling during a train strike is rough. I get why they picked a bank holiday weekend but what was initially a 45 min to 1 hour train to King's Cross turned into a 2 hour journey, having to take a bus to Bedford and then a train with a bunch of stops, including Luton Airport, to London

Premier Inn needs to update its info because the website said I could check in for free after 11am and the desk said 3pm, I didn't want to leave my bags in there for an extra £10...which bit me in the ass.

Don't make the mistake I made on consecutive years and come off at the wrong Wembley station. There are 3 of them and 2 are quite a walk away from the stadium compared to the one right outside of it. My mood was already tense since my travel had been up to 3 hours at that point but also again the turnstiles swallowed up the ticket I was also gonna use to get back, meaning I paid extra on the way back. Go to Wembley Park, it's on the Circle Line, you can get there via Baker Street too.

Bring as little as possible to the stadium, they think they're fucking airport security and overestimate how many view their website when getting tickets via ticketmaster. When I made it to the stadium I was stopped at the steps, being told that my bag was too big to bring in, and I'd have to pay £10 to put it in a bag holding area - which was a fair walk away from the stadium too. So either way I was forking out cash

Then after hours of waiting, queuing and getting into the stadium I was told that my drinks bottle I had brought from home couldn't be brought in, even when empty, because it was 'too big and could be thrown at someone'. I protested, since they're not gonna reimburse me for forcing me to discard my belongings and were insisting that I go back to the bag holding to put away a plastic drink bottle I took with me last year, but they treated me like I was gonna throw hands - and insisted that the info was on the Wembley website - so I threw it away to placate them. Still a drinks bottle can't get in but you can bring your phone and keys - both of which can equally be thrown to deal even more damage, I'm sure my shoe could do worse too. Just a con to squeeze more money out of you.

Premier Inn has cosy rooms, but I don't like any lights being on, so having a TV always on standby on the wall opposite and a smoke alarm blinking above me was just added nuisance to my aching body and natural difficulty in sleeping, also there's no toothpaste, you can buy some but it seems to be the only thing that doesn't come with the room (and a toothbrush but I brought my own expecting that). Breakfast was nice though.

Before the Show

Despite my travel woes there was some caveats before the Zero Hour began. For one I cross paths with Cultaholic again, they weren't asking questions but they were doing a punishment bit, so I followed behind watching but also trying not to intercept. I shook Tom Campbell's hand though.

After seeing Emi Sakura and Lulu last year I did keep my eyes open for other wrestlers arriving to Wembley, and I did spot another, this time someone on the card (really wanted Emi on this card). Sammy Guevara and Tay Melo were too far for me to approach - they were carrying their kid too so it wouldn't have been appropriate - tbh I spotted Tay before I spotted Sammy, in spite of his sky blue suit and haircut.

This was how close I was to the ring, and upon getting to my seat I was met with an interesting surprise too, a padded chair and a note...

So you know all that above nonsense about not being allowed to bring in a drinks bottle because you might throw it and hurt someone? Well they let me leave the stadium with a fucking steel chair, how's that for hypocrisy?

I wasn't expecting to take home the chair, I knew it was a thing for VIP tickets but my ticket never said it was a VIP one. Not easy to carry around mind you and I gotta find a place to put it now...

When soaking in the area I also spotted Lexy Nair and Alicia Atout in their sparkly dresses making their way around to the ramp for the Zero Hour.

Unfortunately we still don't get video coverage of the Zero Hour outside of matches, you hear a few interviews and maybe the screen shows some footage but that's about it, which is a shame.

Lots of fans didn't find their seats until midway after the Zero Hour, and a lot of them liked to move around, get drinks between each match and all that, which could get annoying. Not as many signs in my way though and since I had a bit of space beside me I could shuffle a little bit to the far side for more space. You'll always get the contrarian chanters too, the ones who cheer the heels.

Close seats are great for in-ring wrestling, not so much everywhere else. I understand that wrestlers want fans from all seats to get a look at the action but yeah, even on the barricade it's covered by a swarm of bodies trying to get a look, or get on tv.

My position had the added benefit of having a good view of the rampway, the place where most wrestlers would stop to get the on-ramp camera was within my eyeshot.

The Show itself

Fans love the commentary btw, Daddy Magic and Schiavone got a lot of love and gave it back too.

Zero Hour was fun, the first multi-man was a bit of a potluck of faces and heels. Private Party came out as faces but then Ari Davari comes out with them? Still match was a lot of fun; Lio and Satnam, Kip getting a massive pop from the crowd, Top Flight going nuts, Kyle being badass, glad Dark Order got to show up too they mentioned it was on their list for the year. Dante and Kyle threw their shades and elbow pad into the crowd too.

Mixed Tag was funny as hell too, Stoke knows his role, liked that Statlander got to wrestle Ishii a bit too. You can't hear me but I do shout 'you're wearing him down!' to Stoke when he's trying to shoulder barge Ishii.

The big 10 man was alright, we all loved Dustin and Shibata, we were still unsure with Sammy but we rallied at the Von Erich's urging. The aftermath with the Claw was better, the botch on Shibata with the throwing powerbomb did make us a little worried.

Jamie Hayter coming back was a huge pop, I was hoping Emi was gonna show up since I expected Hayter for the TBS title match but it's great she's back.

Ladder match was great. Tables didn't really comply a lot in the match but we loved the effort and the narrative and PAC. The image is smaller but you can see me stand up the moment he kicks Christian off the ladder realising he's gonna take it. Great opening surprise win.

Then to hit us with the story-charged women's title bout of Mariah vs Toni. We were in full song for that one, it's hard to gauge the crowd noise when you're so close but you can hear the echoing for the Toni Storm sang in the tune of Daddy Cool chant. Right woman went over too, very strong match.

I kinda feel bad about how effortlessly we the crowd derailed the FTW title match by following Cardiff's lead and cheering for Big Bill XD HOOK and Jericho put on a fine match (cricket balls were dubious though this ain't the Oval) and Tazz showing up was great, but it was a lull in the show. The people around me at least chuckled at my 'He can see! It's a miracle!' when HOOK took his patch off.

It was difficult to gauge the Tag Title match too because we chanted hard for FTR and the Acclaimed during their entrances but they were also at each other's throats. Didn't like the CM Punk chants, it's fucking unnecessary let it go. I knew Sgt Pepper's Young Bucks would win but it did feel like it could've gone another gear.

Grizzled Young Vets walked RIGHT PAST ME! I barely even noticed until I clocked that it was Zack Gibson. Attacking FTR was on brand but it did make the cheering fall to uncertainty, but this is a fresh team to enter the picture.

If I had a nickel for every time Christian Cage did double duty to swerve us all...well I'd wonder why you're giving me nickels we don't use them here. The Casino Gauntlet was a lot of fun, we expected Ricochet but Okada, ZSJ, and Nigel McGuinness coming out of retirement were all big surprises, Jarrett getting cheered like a babyface and cracking Hangman with a guitar, OC with the Mr Bean intro too! But Luchasaurus with the bait and Killswitch, goddammit! He can't keep getting away with this!

MJF/Ospreay was a cream of the crop kinda match. We knew the story would be Max absorbing all of Ospreay's arsenal but it came down to who would be eating the Tiger Driver 97? I dunno if I'm in shot when Max soaked in our corner to a parade of middle fingers but I did tell him his country sucked (had he returned to the corner more beaten I'd have made a healthcare jab). We were all for Ospreay though, thought it was Adam Cole with the intercept first but glad it was Garcia, great match.

The TBS title match was hard to gauge as well, it felt like the crowd was drained a little from the previous match, or just the more misogynist part of the crowd leaving to skip it. There was nothing wrong with the match itself, Moné's entrance was great and that reverse super powerslam from Britt was creative. We tried to will the chants of CEO and DMD but the ending did feel abrupt. Still another correct outcome but I feel like Hayter's return could've been utilized better here.

The TNT Coffin match felt like a sprint. Honestly though even though I couldn't see much of it given how little of it was in the ring I appreciated how Jack approached the match. The real glass and soaking in the boos (Cry Me a River chants are acceptable, 'Fuck CM Punk' chants were not) were great but I particularly loved the storytelling that Jack knew he couldn't outdo Darby in violence so worked to subdue instead, essentially hogtying him to get him in the coffin.

Sting coming back was rumored but still amazing, can't believe I've seen Sting on 2 consecutive AEW shows. I hope narratively we use this loss and outwitting as a way for Sting to coach Darby into trying to find his edge again for his upcoming world title shot.

And well, what can you say about the Main Event? It was the only one I couldn't call down the middle, we were either seeing the end of Bryan Danielson or we were seeing him win his last world title of his full time career. The noise I'm sure was incredible for the Final Countdown, but at ringside it was godly.

So much props to Swerve too, he knew exactly when to heel it up enough with the ring bell and the stomping in front of Bryan's family - a focal point of the match's storytelling - plus with Hangman's surprise distraction we may end up doing a second double turn from this. He was a great world champion, extremely crisp in the ring, and absorbing the Buisaku Knee like an anime villain was a great touch.

But the night belonged to the best fucking wrestler in the world Bryan Danielson. The YES chants are infectious, he pulls off the babyface in peril so well, the constant looking and reaching for his family for strength as well is just chef's kiss. And in a chorale of 50k fans demanding Swerve tap was only droned out by the immense cheer of when he did. My throat is hoarse, my hands and feet are sore, but I left the show happy - albeit in a massive queue for my bags while carrying a steel chair XD

Fortunately the queuing didn't cause me to miss all of Whatculture's live ppv Ups and Downs. I could hear him talking about the TNT title match but it was still hard to hear, didn't help that two guys were arguing in front of me because one was protesting that he hadn't consecutively been rubbing up against his girlfriend and took umbrage with being told to give each other space to avoid it happening again, another guy chiming in with 'it doesn't matter how she feels' when asking for an apology annoyed me too because it fucking does! Both parties left separately a few moments later so I got closer and was able to partly hear more. Then I carried my ass to the hotel and came home the following morning.

All In All (pun intended), another fantastic show of wrestling. Travel and external factors had threatened to dampen my experience but it was great nonetheless. I doubt I'll go to Texas but maybe 2026 I'll run it back again. In the meantime we'll simply soak in the joys of multiple debuts, returns, title changes and Bryan Danielson as a World Champion again.

[japaneseadventures]

Marin Honda in Pokapoka 2024.03.11

Marin appeared in this live broadcast to promote the Worlds Figure Skating broadcast which she's a field reporter for.

Some highlights from this broadcast:

Marin talks about the things she wants to try after retirement such as going to the beach, acting, eating as much as she wants.

Talks about the time she once got scouted for inline skating during her first time trying it out in a public rink.

She admires Mao and Shoma for being so strong mentally.

A lot of anecdotes related to skating and her family.

More details about it and other anecdotes under the read more:

Summary:

The best snack Marin has ever eaten is Baskin Robbins ice cream. When her family wants to eat ice cream, they do have some in celebration of someone, even for just golf lessons. (The ice cream would be all gone though by the time their dad even comes home lol) She provided a photo of the ice cream (cake) that she and her family bought for her dad:

Text on the cake: "Papa, Great job in your golf lesson!"

She has many things she wants to try after retiring.

When she was still competing, she usually skated everyday. She only takes a break from skating for about 1-2 days. Even during family trips she usually brought her skating stuff, and they usually look for a rink nearby.

Marin avoided getting sunburnt/tanned during her skating career since it would be obvious when she's wearing costumes. Now she wants to try getting really tanned, so she'd love to go to (somewhere hot like) Okinawa since she's never gone before.

From the moment she started university, Marin was set on retiring once she graduated. (Though she was willing to quit if she really started to hate skating.) However, when she actually did feel like quitting, she realized she can't imagine herself living a life without skating. So she made it a goal to at least continue until her brother graduated and retired from skating.

Q: So there really was a time when it got so difficult that you wanted to quit? A: Yes, I quit and took a 4-day break from skating for the first time ever. But even then, by the 5th day, I just ended up skating training again. I felt like I needed to keep going. Even now, I still love skating and make it my goal to do a performance that the audience would enjoy. During that time off, I realized I liked myself best while skating.

Back when they were kids, Marin had been her sister Miyu's acting partner when Miyu practiced her lines. Thanks to this, she also wants to try her hand at acting.

When she was still competing, Marin avoided eating until she was full. After she announced her retirement, she wanted to Abura Soba (Soupless Ramen Noodles), eat something she felt she'd feel too guilty to eat before then. Since she loves mayonnaise so much that she'd drink it (lol), she added a generous amount of it too. But then she felt guilty eating just that, so she had double the usual amount of onions to the mix lol.

She's had a lot of instances where she'd wonder why people would pick that moment in particular to take photos of. People always posts photos of the weirdest moments. She says many cameramen are old men, so she has an idea of which weird moments they'd most likely take photos of. Such as during jumps and spins, when your face is screwed up due to centrifugal force. Even mucus from a runny nose flies out. She's disappointed when those get chosen but still thankful to them for being interested enough to always take photos lol.

Sometimes while she's skating in a competition, she's tempted to wave at friendly officials and judges who she's attended competitions with since she was little.

When she's not doing well, she can only focus on the competition. However, when she's doing well, she'd end up thinking about how that one person in the audience looks like they're about to go to the restroom soon.

She does jumps in her dreams sometimes, or falling during a jump, and when she wakes up, her legs are crossed like she does when jumping. Says she's heard of many skaters sleeping with their legs crossed. That position is relaxing for them.

Very few kids started skating since they were 2 like she did so she's always felt small since she started skating, as most of the skaters in the rink were taller than Marin.

She's never had much free time hanging out with friends and stuff when she was young, compared to now when she has retired. Back then, skating practice already took too much time. It was also a long commute to and from the rink. She was also taking a lot of other lessons at the time, like ice hockey, swimming, gymnastics, piano, tennis, until she finally decided on skating during 2nd grade.

She suspects that her other siblings also chose to stick with skating because they're a big family. All of them want people to pay attention to them.

When she tried inline skating for the first time at Round1 (An amusement store chain in Japan) a guy tried to scout her for the sport, telling her she's very good. When she told him it was her first time roller skating, he told her she had talent.

Sawabe: You clearly looked like you skated before. Ijuuin: You should've left him hanging for a while, before going, "I've medalled in ice skating though." Sawabe: You never told who you were? Marin: No ?: They were probably wondering who you were the whole time. ?: You should've said, "Don't underestimate me!"

Fighting amongst siblings was somewhat intense. It doesn't happen much now, but Marin and her big brother used to fight on petty things often, while her younger sisters fought amongst each other. When the latter fights, she gets stuck in the middle because both of them fight to get Marin on their side.

Marin and Taichi even went physical against each other at times. They'd even compete in the rink, or chase each other down. It only ends when one of them gets bored of it lol.

Comments from her sisters:

They love how she prioritizes and dotes over them over herself.

Miyu doesn't understand why Marin feels more comfortable when her room is messy. (ex. she likes has 2-3 plastic bottles she hasn't finished drinking in her room) Meanwhile, Miyu likes things neat so she offers to clean up her room. When asked if she keeps drinking from those bottles, she shakes her head and said Miyu gets rid of it for her. Tsurube: Leaving around bottles like that is what you'd imagine how a talented hacker's room would be.

Marin says if things are too orderly, she clams up.

Sara says Marin uses ziplocks as a pencil case.

Marin shares that it's not even just for her writing stuff, but she also uses ziplocks for makeup stuff. She prefers ziplocks since you don't have to think about cleaning it. If it gets dirty, you can just replace it. Also, it's clear so you can see everything inside.

She admits she's pretty weak mentally. In the past, even the littlest happenings completely influence her performances and even her private life. Thanks to all that she's experienced, however, her mentality has gotten stronger now.

Back then, when things don't go well during performances or even practices, she'd feel depressed the whole day. (Though on the other hand, she'd be ecstatic the whole day when practice goes well.)

She feels that pulling yourself together after failing your first jump is harder to do than a flawless performance. This has always been a problem she's had since she was little.

Mentions that in the figure skating community, she thinks that Mao Asada has a strong mentality. It was amazing how she did a perfect performance in the free program even after screwing up in the short during the Sochi Olympics. It really inspired her and made her believe that if she continued training, she might be able to be like her too.

Says Mao is way too out of league for Marin to contact and consult herself. However, Mao often gets in touch with her, often telling her that she loves Marin's skating. Marin describes Mao as a woman who has great skating technique, and a beautiful personality.

Among the currently competing skaters, she believes Shoma Uno is the one who is great at pulling himself together fast. You rarely even see him be nervous in competitions lately. He must have a lot of confidence to not be nervous while performing, so she finds that amazing. Says Shoma told her himself that he doesn't feel nervous at all.

Marin watches Japanese comedians rather than listening to music. It's relaxing for her.

Marin doesn't really wear skirts in her off time. Prefers all black and sleek clothing, in contrast to all the cute skirts she wears during skating

Her dad made her costumes when she was little

Her younger sisters get their hand-me-down clothes and toys, so those two are happy they get to wear nice new clothing when they're working in showbiz

Marin actually wanted a little brother, and made Sara wear their brother's old hand me downs. She also called Sara Ara-kun. Marin's very apologetic about it now though lol

She's bad at any sports with balls. For example, she tried tennis once or twice and quickly realized how little sense she had for it so she quit right away. Says it might be because she assumes her legs have longer reach than what her body actually has, probably because she's so used to wearing skating boots.

Actions she doesn't like from men, selected from the choices the show gave her:

She loves it when they tell her she's funny/interesting, so if something weird happens, she doesn't want them to ignore it lol. For example, she'd hate it if they don't react when she moves weird, or makes jokes.

Doesn't like it when guys keep making sports references and terms in casual conversation.

Doesn't like it when guys wear shoes that are very pointed and curved upwards. Doesn't seem like something just anyone could wear. Must be a very conscious prideful guy. (Lots of JP comedians apparently wear that though lol)

[kaiwewi]

Sharing is Caring #4

[Masterlist: Sharing is Caring] [Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3]

Synopsis: the alleged demon's real identity is finally revealed.

Monday, January 23rd 

Dear Hero

Let me begin by informing you that I do not appreciate your juvenile, self-destructive behaviour. As much as you may hate my presence (and perhaps understandably so) we are both inhabiting this body. Thus, I'd suggest you refrain from poisoning us and try not to deliberately cause further harm to our shared well-being.

I’d hate for our conflict to escalate, so I choose to put my anger aside and to not retaliate, for now.

However, should you continue to vent your frustration on me, I will see myself forced to return the favour. Make no mistake, you are not the only one capable of petty cruelties and infantile jibes.

Still, I’d like us to cooperate instead of sabotaging one another. So please, let us both behave like responsible adults. Let there be peace and constructive communication. Let us not waste our resources on waging a senseless war. A battlefield bears no fruit. Whether we like each other or not, I’d rather we both thrive than perish. Thank you.

Now, before you make any additional odd assumptions about me, I’d like to set a few things straight: 1. I am not a demon! (Though I can’t fault your logic; I would probably have arrived at a similar conclusion were the roles reversed.) 2. You seem to be under the misconception that I chose to ‘possess’ you. This is not the case. My being here is neither a personal attack nor an attempt to take over your life. I promise, I’m not your enemy!

Regards,

Villain

(Perhaps you remember me. The scientist from that warehouse by the docks. December 18th. You broke into, and ultimately blew up, my laboratory. But it hardly matters; I’d rather we’d discuss the future and let bygones be bygones.)

PS: I’d like to negotiate our diet again. I’m willing to prepare food in advance for both of us. If you advise me on your likes and dislikes, I can take those into account. Please at least consider this proposal!

PPS: Yes. I paid for those groceries and I will continue to do so. (You won’t have to concern yourself with housekeeping money. I still have access to my private bank accounts.)

PPPS: Does our body have allergies, illnesses, or any special needs that I should know about?

...

Addendum. Saturday, January 28th:

I am surprised to find that I am still here. It has been a week now, which is by far the longest I’ve ever been in control of our body. It makes me wonder why and how the switching occurs.

Last time, you seemed to have had a hunch, otherwise you wouldn’t have been drinking to that extent. (At least I assume, and hope, that to be the case.) Have you perhaps found a pattern to our predicament already? Or were you merely gambling?

...

Addendum. Monday, January 30th:

Do not worry: I am keeping track of the lecture plan. I’m aware we have a seminar this week and will, of course, provide you with transcripts and notes. I’ll leave them on the desk for you. (Please make sure to review and memorise the material as soon as possible; the oral examination is scheduled for Friday afternoon.)

...

Addendum. Saturday, February 4th:

Yesterday, I completed the seminar, including the corresponding examination. I have just received the certificate. I will add it to the transcripts. You’re welcome.

(By the way, last week, I consulted a doctor about our lactose intolerance. Turns out I was correct. So should you find yourself craving dairy produce regardless, I’d suggest you make use of the lactase pills I bought. You’ll find them in the kitchen cupboard.)

[Part 5]

———

For my other stories, visit my [MASTERLIST] ♥

[sayhwaet]

[ mint candy ] + [ fake mint candy ] (except it's like those harry potter beans in which one is great and the other is rancid but both look the same)

So, he was given two of those funny looking candies- both looking exactly the same and smelling the same at least. He had heard some students talking about how it was a challenge, or well…a dare more like it. Each person gets a candy and depending on who has the Goddess’ blessing may end up with just a nice, tasty mint. The unfortunate soul however gets a small piece of soap that looks disturbingly close to mint, and the rest is history.

Exciting, though also mildly worrying as to why the kids are eating soap at the party. He’d think about that later.

“You are a tough knight, are you not? Then let us give this silly game a try.” Lambert reached out so the other blonde- a rough looking dude with quite the updo, who although being a knight did resemble more like the average merc in the professor’s eyes. “One is a nice mint, the other is soap. Whoever gets the bad one has to get the other a drink. A decent exchange, if I do say so myself.”

Was Lambert ready to eat soap at the party? Definitely not. But if he was going to watch those kids all night then he might as well have some fun.

(roll 1d2 for mint disaster 1= good mind 2= bad mint)

Ho?

Beowolf was no stranger to parties that needed mints - hell, probably needed 'em himself, if he planned on getting close to anybody - but the idea that there might have been another side to that coin that would punish a man for wanting to get fresh - bah! A rough lot to get, for sure.

Not that he wouldn't make it work if needed. He'd never heard any complaints one way or the other.

"Hell, you got me! 'Tough knight' atcher service. Ain't gonna run scared just 'cause of some breath mints. Better have your wallet handy, sir, I got the feelin' you'll rack up quite a tab on my behalf."

With a jaunty grin, he tapped his fingers against the back of one of the man's hands, snatching the candy and popping it into his mouth -

Augh - !

A tremor worked through his jaw as he sucked on the treat, and a rush of bitter, sour, sweet, cool and hot all at once traveled across his tastebuds and coated every inch of his mouth.

Was it literally fucking soap? What in Hodr's musty - ?

"Ah," he bit out, mimicking the sigh one might have taken after the crispest, coldest drinks of water. His grin barely felt forced as it tweaked across his features. "Now that's fresh. Feelin' just about ready to pucker up, how about you? Maybe it'll take that drink, hey?"

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

So, my plan to stop drinking has slipped as the weeks have gone on in 2024; I didn’t drink anything at all in January and it was psychological hell, I extended that for a week into February and then had a bit and then no more for two weeks and actually kept that up successfully and it was still quite terrible. Then started loosening the rules throughout March, mainly because my tolerance was so much lower than it’s been for about 14 years after drinking so little for 2 months, which made me realize I could drink much less than usual and still feel the effects, and drinking only a bit can’t be that bad, so I’d let myself have just a few drinks in a night and enjoy the fact that I’d end up nearly as drunk as I’d previously have been after 9-10 beers + whiskey, but obviously once I started getting affected by the alcohol it would also affect my judgement and I’ve have more. So I’d end the night by drinking much less than I would have before 2024, but more than I’d planned to when the night had begun, and the amount crept up every week.

I’m still doing much better than I was before I started this (if you define “better” entirely as “having fewer drinks” – mentally it still sucks). Before I started this fulltime in-person job in August last year, when I was doing work from home as I had been for years, I was drinking between 2 and 4 nights most weeks, probably (usually closer to 4 than 2, though). When I started this job I made a rule to never have any alcohol if I have to work the next day, and was surprised that I didn’t find it all that difficult to go down to never drinking more than twice a week. Though that’s mainly because I was incredibly stressed from Monday to Friday about having to be around people and “on” all day, I was obsessive about getting enough sleep and doing everything else right to avoid making it any harder so the last thing I wanted was alcohol, until I got off work on Friday and then the only thing I wanted was alcohol and I’d drink all night on Friday and then usually all afternoon as well as the night on Saturday.

Until the end of 2023, when my job shut down for a week and I drank on four nights of that week and I woke up after the fourth one deciding it might be Admit I Have A Problem Time. Or at least, See How Hard Dry January Is Time. Thinking that because I’d found it easy to cut out drinking on weekdays and confine it to only two days per week, it couldn’t that hard to go down from two days to zero. But nope, it turned out my entire system was built on forcing my brain to somehow survive the workweek, and then get a break at the end where I can drink a bunch of beer and whiskey and turn off my brain. If you take away my break, so my brain has to continue unimpaired 24/7, the whole thing collapses. January was terrible.

I’m still doing better than that I was before I resolved to try to slow down. I have not drank more than once a week in 2024. I’ve been picking Friday or Saturday, rather than both. But I never meant to relax my rules to the point of being fine with drinking once a week again. I just kept telling myself this one day of this one weekend can be an exception, and then I realized I’d done that for five weeks in a row. I think if I actually could drink only a small amount once a week forever, that might be fine. But I know if I have a rule that says a small amount once a week, it’ll creep back up to a large amount and both weekend days and I’ll end up drinking weekdays again too. I like it too much.

So I’m trying to reset. I’m still not saying I’ll never ever drink again, I haven’t said that at any point, because if I say that, then if I have one drink I’ll just assume the whole mission’s failed and I may as well give up. But I’m trying to at least stick the rule harder than I have been. I didn’t have anything this weekend. On Friday I met a few friends in a pub, hung out for several hours, ate dinner, drank water all night. On Saturday I spent all day walking around downtown with my roommate, because I wanted to go to this dessert place and suggested he come with me so I could have a social life thing that doesn’t revolve around drinking, since I also told myself in 2024 that I want to try to have more of a social life, and it turns out that trying to increase your social life at the same time as trying to decrease your drinking is difficult if most of your social life revolves around drinking. So I told my roommate we could go for fun desserts and that would be fun non-alcoholic socializing. Which was fine but then on the way home he had us stop at two different pubs where he ordered a beer and I really really wanted to and he suggested that I should too but I didn’t. And I was very pleased with myself for that because I really really did want to.

Here's something. I'm finding myself not wanting to drink with other people these days because I'm trying to put severe limits on the total number of times I drink, and I enjoy drinking alone more than pretty well anything, so I'd rather save up my allotted alcohol intake (the allotment would ideally be zero but in reality its more like, just go as long as I can without it) for that. I can enjoy hanging out with friends even if I'm sober (the thing that makes it hard is that being with them frequently means being near alcohol, and it's hard to do that and stay sober). In fact it's better than being with them while drunk, because it reduces the panic that I've said something horribly wrong. But being with myself is much better drunk than sober.

I write all this to explain how fucking annoyed I am at the fact that I felt hungover all day today. I didn’t even do anything. I haven’t had alcohol in a week. But today I spent all day with that lethargic and general feeling like shit that I normally associate with hangovers. And then just now I threw up and my stomach still feels off. And I didn’t even drink! Instead I get to play: My body’s annual physical rejection of the weather getting warmer, or (sorry, going briefly TMI for a moment here, though I guess I really shouldn’t be more hesitant to briefly mention this than I am to write about having a drinking problem) a reaction to my imminently starting menstrual situation? Probably a bit of both. But it’s not alcohol-related, at least! I can rule that out as a factor in why I threw up on a Sunday night. Somehow that doesn’t make me feel any better.

Also, you know, my brain’s not loving that it didn’t get a break this weekend. Quite the opposite, it spent this weekend on overdrive sitting in pubs and trying not to order anything. Until this afternoon, which I spent very pleasantly listening to several Rankin Family albums in full while reading Andy Zaltzman’s book. That was all right.

…I wanted to complain about how unfair it is that I feel hungover when I didn’t even drink, and I thought, it’s been a while since I’ve done an oversharing personal Tumblr post. Maybe writing an oversharing personal Tumblr post will make me feel better. I got through this weekend without any drink at all, and I should feel proud of myself for that, but I just feel like my reward for doing well is I have to do it again next weekend and then every weekend forever. I don't even get the reward of not feeling hungover on Sunday. But to be honest, writing all this out has, in fact, made me feel slightly better.

Now I'm off to listen to the three episodes I have left of the Radio X show that has been the main thing to take over my life in 2024, or at least, it's tied for the main thing alongside thinking "I wish I could have some alcohol." So it's fun that I've spent the first four months of the year chronicling the journey of a very funny alcoholic. When I started it seemed like those episodes would last forever, now there are only three left.

While I was writing this, my roommate got back from the pub where he spent all afternoon on his own because I didn't want to go with him, because I didn't think I could do a third day of being in a pub but not drinking. And he came over to try to convince me to hang out and I can smell beer on him and it made me very much want to say I'll go have a beer in the living room even though I work tomorrow, but instead I said I have to go to bed. Is it possible that avoiding alcohol means spending your entire life just looking at other people having fun and telling yourself you're not allowed to do that too? Because that seems a bit like I might ruin my entire life. Anyway I'm going to put an amusing radio show on before I go too far down that thought path. I think that's enough oversharing for a bit; posts about how actually it's extremely cool of John Robins to carefully plan out every move on Taskmaster will resume as normal tomorrow.

[pxppet]

Iris AU - Part 2

(Part 1)

-👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁-

Two IRIS employees sit in a rather bland looking home, talking with the owner over gone cold coffee.

"Why would you ask me to do this?"

"You're a perfect lure for him."

The homeowner sits back in his chair away from them, folding his fingers into each other. "You are joking."

"No, we wouln't joke over a matter as serious as getting him back under containment."

The man shakes a finger at them, angry and disbelieving that this is real. "No. No, no, no. You promised me I would never have to get near that thing again. When you let me go you said I would never have to be involved!"

"Please calm down, Mr. Schneeplestein," calls the more tired and haggard looking of the two. "The ALTRs containment wasn't expected to ever be broken, and this is a dire situation."

"Dire? Why should I care if it kills other people, all I care about is never seeing it again."

"Henrik," the second one in a lab coat attempts in a way too friendly way. "I know that those months were traumatic for y-"

"Understated, like any good IRIS poppet would."

"Mr. Schneeplestein if you don't do this, he may come for you anyway. At least this way you'll be guarded and have a high likelihood of us recapturing him to further keep you safe."

Henrik balks at them, trying not to look as furious as he is. He pinches his forehead over and over, feeling a headache start in the same place it always does, the heavy scar along the back of his skull. "You're insane. The whole company."

"Sir, you're needed for something bigger than yourself. Isn't that what doctors do?"

"I haven't been a doctor in years."

"If we can't convince you, we will use force. Too many lives are at risk, and too many have already been taken. We have no way of knowing he won't come for you. ALTR 114209 is obsessive when it comes to the people he chooses to 'serve' his purposes. All we're doing is ensuring you don't have to go through anything like that again."

"Try drinking shitwater out of a moldy pipe while that thing laughs at you, and after you know what it's like do this your goddamn self."

The employees glance at each other, and the tired guard stands up.

"We don't want to use force. Last chance." The mans hand is gripped on the taser in his belt.

Henrik feels his heart in his throat at the thought of ever being electrocuted again. The floor lights up and a blaze of agony stabs into him. But no, he's at home in his apartment. He just wants them gone. Don't look at me, he pleads in his head.

"Fine," he tries to sound drawn and cocked like a bow, but even he hears how badly his voice cracks. "I will help. But you have to keep that thing away from me as much as possible. I am not running blind into forests or slathering myself in butter. That thing and I have as little contact as you can manage."

The guard stands down. "Your help is appreciated, doctor. The van is waiting out front, we can fully explain the plan as we go."

Henrik sighs, drinks the remains of his freezing coffee, and stands to follow them out. Goodbye nice apartment, goodbye rebuilt life. The goons have plans for you.

-

Chase feels tired. Even still holding Anti's hand, which usually seems to make that go away. Even with shoes, they've been walking for nearly 6 hours across the English countryside. His body hurts. He's thirsty. But he can't seem to open his mouth to complain.

"We're getting closer," Anti says, as though reading his mind. "Even you'll be able to feel him soon."

Feel him? Chase feels a pang of fear at not knowing what that will mean. He doesn't have to wonder long.

He feels the smell of an antique store slap him across the face as they pass into a clearing, and he suddenly notices that an entire portion of the sky is… grey. Not with clouds, the usual blue has just been completely washed out to nothing. He stares up at it as Anti pulls him along, and for a brief moment he stumbles over his feet as his mind tries to stop him from going any closer. Anti doesn't even seem to notice, his entire face has contorted with excitement and he's nearly pulling them into a sprint.

Anti stops, across the clearing and against the next line of trees. "He doesn't like people he doesn't know. Wait here, Chase."

Chase feels his feet freeze in place, his entire body stiffening into an upright position. Wait, as a physical command on him. He feels foggy as Anti walks away, images and sounds flashing in his mind. Things he's seen before and things he never has. His wife's face, his old guitar, a childhood television show, a bowtie, Anti's face when they met- It cycles through his fluttering eyes so quickly that he can't tell what's real. He starts panting slightly. Where did Anti go? He feels his hands begin to shake.

His breathing has progressed to hyperventilating, when suddenly Anti's hand is in his again. Everything clears instantly and his eyes refoucus onto Anti, grinning, his eyes glowing even brighter than usual in their pits.

"Chase, this is my friend. Say hello."

Chase looks behind him, and whatever he was expecting, well, it's not that.

A polite-looking younger man bounces on his toes, half behind a tree. Like a child hiding. The only odd thing about him is just how pale white his skin is, and just how deeply black his hair and irises are.

"Hi?"

The man doesn't really do anything. No words come out, no gestures. He looks almost timid and tiny behind the tree. Chase swallows down his nerves.

"Uh, I'm- I'm Chase. What's your name?"

The man still doesn't do anything, his face nearly cartoonishly afraid. Chase looks at Anti in confusion.

"Oh, right, 'course. He's like a lot of creatures, doesn't really respond at first unless you use his own language."

"I don't speak anything but English and a highschool course level German, man."

Anti scoffs. "When did your kind get like that?!"

"Most people only speak one or two, I don't know what you want from me!"

Anti chuffs at him, like an annoyed dog. He turns back to look at his friend, and then looks at Chase. "Just copy my hands, okay?"

Chase watches his hands make a variety of shapes, tapping and touching each other. He figures it's sign language of some kind, but it's hard to follow it. He attempts to though, looking at the man with a slightly forced smile.

"You just told him your name, watch him now."

The man steps out from the tree, arms to the side as though he's trying to emphasise how lightly and carefully he moves. He siddles right up to Chase, and his hands slowly come upward. Chase doesn't have time to think before the man grabs both of his cheeks and squishes them. Chase accidentally blows a raspberry from the sudden force, and the man grins widely at him, shaking in his shoulders but making no noise.

"He likes you," Anti assures when Chase gives him a hurried glance. Chase blinks, confused but not entirely scared anymore. Anti's friend seems harmless. Just a... odd, overly formally dressed guy who doesn't speak. Ok, he can work with that.

Anti begins moving his hands again excitedly, and Chase watches them converse, slightly in awe. Not that sign language is unusual, it's just seeing these two almost-but-not-quite-humans use it that sets off his 'weird' radar.

Chase resigns to let them talk, and begins to sit down to rest. A branch crackles under him as he does, and Anti's friend stiffens in place as a massive wave of something bursts out of him. Chase tries to stand up and apologize but he... can't move. Can't do anything. Even Anti is frozen with a half smile and eyes halfway to looking at Chase. His blood feels strange. He doesn't think he's ever felt his blood, but it's like it's... heavy, all of a sudden.

The friend is still moving, rubbing a fist on his chest with wide eyes. The wave recedes back inside the man, and Chase gasps in a breath, not having realised he wasn't breathing. The rush of oxygen makes him light-headed and he falls the rest of the way onto his ass.

Anti is laughing, and grabs his friend and puts him in a headlock, rubbing his hair into a mess. "Asshole, I haven't seen you in 150 years and that's how you treat me?"

The smaller man is being smothered, and despite what just happened Chase finds himself worried Anti is actually hurting him. Not that he would risk getting between that.

Instead the man breaks free, shaking in that same way, shoulders heaving. Chase realises he's laughing, the open mouth clicking the pieces into place. A totally soundless laugh. A totally soundless... everything. Even his footsteps don't make much noise at all in the leaves as he tussles back and forth with Anti.

"Alright, enough!" Anti shoves at him and he dips respectfully in a small bow as he's thrown back. "We needed you to keep safe, but now I need a place for my human to sleep. Anything you can think of?"

The man taps his chin and foot in thought, face screwed up. He signals a lightbulb going off with his finger, and begins signing to Anti again.

Chase just tries to catch his breath on the ground before he'll have to walk again.

They seem to make up their mind, and Anti walks over to him, holding out his hand. "JJ has a place in mind for us. Let's go, Chase."

Wordlessly Chase feels his exhausted body follow Anti's instructions as their trek through the forest begins again, now with a third companion.

[arthurtaylorlester]

i like your funny words magic man (john likes fizzy drinks teehee <3) now why is he an avid guitar player . . must know

admittedly i do not play guitar nor do i have a particular passion for it unlike the fizzy drinks so this is uh a little underdeveloped?

i mean i've read fics where john has a voice like cello and quite likes playing it too, but as a strings player myself i would never let john in the general vicinity of a bow. and plus! i think a guitar-piano duet is much more jarthur than cello-piano, violin-piano strikes me as parker and arthur, yknow 2 people who actually wanted to be each others friends and weren't forced my circumstance

but more specifically about john, i feel like he would want to learn all the arts, but when it comes down to music, arthur does initially propose some kind of string instrument, maybe he still had parker's viola or something. but john doesn't want to feel he's trying to replace something in arthur life, even though arthur was full of empty spaces, he made a brand new place for himself in arthur's life, and apparently that should extend to his music.

and so he picks up a guitar. arthur has like, no experience in it whatsoever and so it's a bit like a new adventure for both of them, albeit much less dangerous and death-prone than their previous ones.

maybe one day, they'll even compose something together, or play for someone, but for now at the very least this was enough.