#i don’t need someone to tell me that but i still default to being too much all the time bc im still not used to not being useful this is why

[comfortless]

what's ur most unconventional Headcanon? like ones you have that most of the fandom doesn't agree with. mine is that I don't think h's 6'10, in my mind he's closer to 6'6 or 6'7. Also I don't think he would be the most caring bf 😶😶 like not abusive or anything, but to me he will almost always prioritize himself in the long run

HA… well….. i do not think any of mine are too strange! but i can not ever shush when someone has lent an ear to listen!!

warning for nsfw content, mentions of injury, and unhealthy relationship stuff below the cut.

i agree with you about his height. he’s significantly taller than Simon, but i would place him at 6’7”-6’8” max. i’m no health or military expert, but i do not think that he could do the work that he does efficiently if he were a complete Goliath. he would stand out so easily! and there are a slew of issues that can stem from someone being “too tall”. he probably doesn’t have the best posture, either.

i love the conventionally attractive, long-haired König headcanons, they’re fun! but ultimately… very, very unrealistic for my interpretation of König. i tend to side with Salome and Ghost when it comes to their takes on how he actually looks under the hood. his character description suggests that his face is scary, and judging by the game that he’s in, i do not think that the other operators are going to find some goth guy nor… Jim Boeven… to be worthy of such a rumor!

König’s face is always going to be a fluctuating thing for me, heavily dependent on the setting/time period i’m shoving him into or reading about. the thing that’s stuck with me however has always been facial scarring!! where he got it? who knows… i mentioned it on my headcanons post, but the cause is just as changing as his appearance.

i like the thought of him being a little different looking: crooked teeth, pockmarks, maybe a harelip or a broken nose, burn scars, something. maybe his hair is so light it simply looks as if he doesn’t have eyebrows. maybe a combination of all of those things! the less conventionally attractive the better, it’s not his face that had us scrambling from the rafters with our hearts in our hands, after all. though i am and always will be a glitched default face model König defender. it’s just so unbearably adorable to think of that soft, sad-eyed face making that much noise while he’s rushing around in battle. ):

and though i believe he would have the best intentions at heart… you are right, he is likely a very selfish lover. still hopelessly devoted and needy, but he would be the king of double standards. most decisions are made with his preferences in mind, and the bullying has stuck with him. König is insecure as hell when it comes to anything but his skills in killing or bashing through a door.

he likes the idea of you dressing up for him, but he’s also actively pulling up your dress/top to hide your cleavage if he even thinks another man may have glanced your way. yet… he will go to the gym shirtless, and if other women happen to ogle him, well it’s just fine because he didn’t notice them anyway.

you don’t like the house you’re living in when you move in together? well he does, you’re staying… he’ll just fix it up a little to better suit your needs. even if he screws up setting up a new counter or painting, that can all be fixed.

you want to go out with your friends? he should be allowed to come with you… spending time with you makes him happy. why wouldn’t you want him to come too? yet, when he wants time alone to focus on his aim, decompress with a book, or mess around with a vehicle or a house project, you’re expected to leave him be.

he’s too blunt about what he does for work, doesn’t bat an eye when he tells you he put a bullet through someone’s head and watched the spray. he’s so used to it, it doesn’t even faze him anymore, but… you don’t want to hear about it? oh that must mean you think he’s something filthy or worse. he’s not going to cry, but he might bring it up when you tell him about something you enjoy.

just ridiculous, petty things that would drive most up a wall, but he’s firm in whatever he decides. there’s always a little room for compromise, but not much without an argument.

he has his savings account and the house is in his name in case you decide to leave. it would gut him, of course, but a part of him also expects it.

he’s not above begging for you to stay, trying any way that he can to convince you, but… he’s never expected to have things handed to him easily. his childhood wasn’t the best, why would his adulthood be any better? the way he sees it is simple: he doesn’t hit you, his cock and heart are reserved solely for you, if you can’t love him enough to stay, then… maybe you’re not any different from the people he’s known before.

he’s self aware enough to know he can be a complete arschloch, thinks with his cock more than his brain, but he’s completely lost when it comes to matters like love. he wants to console you when you cry, when you’re angry, but asking you a dozen times just why you feel such a way while squishing you into a too-tight embrace doesn’t help much. his search history is filled with things like “why is my girlfriend mad at me” or “how to make a woman stop ignoring me”. his communication toward you isn’t great, but he tries in his own way. very easy to break an argument up when he tells you some silly, scripted thing like, “I’m here for you. I’m listening.” when under normal circumstances he’s staring at you with wide-eyes and swallowing hard the very second you seem a little ruffled. you tell him to stop reciting some guide he read online, and he’s immediately worried sick you’re going to think him a complete fool, in utter denial about ever having searched something like that up.

can’t see him as being god’s gift to women in the bedroom at all. König has probably watched a lot of porn. he doesn’t care for the scripted, practiced stuff, but his tastes have always been a little odd. the amateur, solo stuff is what piques his interest the most. he knows a vibrator can make a woman come, knows that a dildo can be nice too if she sets the pace. what he’s watched with a proper couple, well… the men are always smaller than him. the terms and dynamics are lost on him, he knows what a safe word is and that he should be a gentleman and make sure his partner finishes too, but each time that’s happened has been a miracle really. he’s not a virgin, but he’s never had a partner long enough to bother learning. if he can make you feel good and vice versa, that’s enough, right..?!

he’s not going to bludgeon you with his dick, he knows he’s a bit too big and thick to just fuck you recklessly, but often times he does get excited or fretful— too deep or too shallow, flicks your clit like it’s indestructible or keeps his head between your thighs waaay after you’ve already come. he’ll stop when you ask, when you’re teary eyed and overstimulated repeating the ridiculous German word he makes you use. not above begging you to use your hand on him instead, though…

switching positions is difficult if you’re a lot smaller than him. he’s not against having you on your knees, but he wants to be so close, pant into your ear about how good you feel, smother you with his weight all the while. missionary is a nightmare because he’s drooly and comes far too quickly when he can see your face and overpower you like this, cue further squishing even after he’s done; you’re likely going to be lying beneath him all night. cowgirl seems to work best, though he’s a bit too fond of having your tits so accessible - expect biting!!

when i try to think of König with any sort of hobby my mind just blanks. i think he would try a lot, but never stick to one thing! he’s got a few sporadic collections, but nothing he keeps up with to the same caliber as his guns and knives. books are often half-finished these days, keeping focused long enough to sit through a puzzle or the like is rare. definitely longs to have something for comfort that isn’t some winding trail to no where or suffocating you in himself to just have a hint of what it feels like to be entirely happy and ‘normal’.

he’s become a bit of an amalgamation of all of the things he liked as a child: knights with their swords he thinks of as his knives, deities with bolts of thunder cascading from their hands like the bullets from his guns, loves in the way he read men of myths fall in love - utterly unfathomably devoted but always the leader… if he could he would probably whisk himself and the object of his affection to another place entirely where he could be someone deserving: someone who’s loved despite the way that he looks or behaves, someone who’s never had to question what love was at all.

[olderthannetfic]

Obvious Disclaimer that this is not about any specific anon in particular, not about OTNF themself, but that my following rant might *slightly* punch down on people who ARE, well, older than net fics are.

But my honest opinion is that I really don’t like it when us old heads tend to sorta…talk down to? “Adultsplain”, if that’s even a thing? To The Gen Zs, by being like “damn kids! back in my day we never used our real name or posted selfies or posted about our personal life at all!” Don’t get me wrong, I’m one of those people who never posted the real me — but not because I was anonymous and cared about online safety, because I was a liar 😂 That being said, there ARE older people who definitely over-shared or “doxxed” themselves and still do, and there’s younger people who don’t!

I also feel like being “ha, these stupid KIDS who post about their FANDOM LIFE on TIK TOCK under their REAL NAME AND FACE where IRLS CAN SEE THEM, how STUPID” is not doing anyone any favors. Is that, technically, a smart thing for kids to do? No. Has it become normalized? Yes. And does that suck for people who might be bullied or outed or whatever cuz they genuinely are dumb and don’t know better and then someone they don’t like sees their stuff? Yes.

We all talk about how there’s no more kids spaces on the internet and how that’s a shame, but then five seconds later we’ll reblog that one “At any time I’m at risk of seeing a 14 year olds opinion and that’s why I hate it here” post. There’s really so few kid spaces on the net now, that’s true. We should extend empathy and let the teens be obnoxious and pretentious in peace, rather than making it a point to “ratio” or “roast them.” Idk personally I’d be completely unbothered if some 14 year old insulted my fic or my ship or whatever. I’d just block and move on, no need to try to argue with them.

And also, not all kids are even pretentious or obnoxious! I’m not saying we all need to take the kids under our wings, but we should be careful about not hating them just for being in their teens years, you know?

Also… telling a teenager to not post PII or not get into discourse or not have social media or whatever will NOT work the way you want it to 😭 kids are by default a little bit oppositionally defiant so telling some rando teen to Get Off Your Lawn (blog) rather than just blocking them, will encourage said teen to Stay On Your Lawn.

I just hate how it’s become normal for adults to talk down to teens online. I was harassed by adults online as a kid, then years and years and years later i went through my own “Older Than You™️”phase where I myself was a shit to teenagers, and I truly regret that so much. To this day I still need to make an effort to be careful. I saw on Twitter where an adult posted a DM from a 13 year old, mocking them. The DM said “I’m 14 next year, can I follow you? Please don’t groom me.” And the adult OP was laughing at how stupid the dm was. A few years ago, I would’ve been one of the people retweeting that and rolling my eyes at the child. Now im disgusted by the people who WERE laughing at them.

And again I’m obviously not saying we should be “nice” to the teenagers who mock us for our ships or who virtue signal too hard. But we also don’t need to make fun of their CARRDS or call them Puri-teens or rag on them just for being 17 or younger, yk?

--

Teens aren't 'puriteens' just for being young, dude. They have to also be puritanical bullies.

I find the stuff about real names hilarious because, actually, if you're really Internet Old™, then you probably did use your real name... it was right there in your university e-mail address! Or your random early ISP address if your stepdad got it for you and thought the university format was the default. Thanks, stepdad.

I've done every single dumb thing from going to meet my internet pen pal at an Alice Cooper concert to flying to Ireland from Japan to stay with a fandom friend I'd never met without telling anyone where I was going and without a credit card or enough cash to flee if I had to. I remember sitting on the plane thinking "Man, this is such a CSI episode topic".

The really funny part was that despite what she'd said before I visited, we ran into each of her parents at different times and ended up going to a play courtesy of her uncle, and all of them were like "So how do you know each other?" and "But you'd met before, right? RIGHT?!"

The level of panopticon is horrifying now. Teens have my sympathy. That part really is worse, and I think it's driving an entire generation nuts and we're going to see even more shit about people wanting to run away and live in a cabin in the woods with no internet. But in general, I don't think we're so different.

[tricoufamily]

🔪rogues gallery legacy challenge 🔪

i'm misleading you most of them aren't even criminals

ok!!! so i made this challenge for myself because i can't commit to any save, but i'll definitely want to play with these sims it's got autism sprinkled all over it. some of you might also like it as well so i'll share it!

this is a ten generation legacy challenge, with every generation loosely based on a different batman villain, but you don't have to be a batman fan to do it.

general rules

start with the default amount of money you get straight out of cas. no money cheats!

heirs can be any gender with any appearance. i think it'd be fun to dress them inspired by the character, but you don't have to. you probably don't want to make the actual character, honestly (what, ivy marries harley, then a few generations later there's just another harley? no)

choose your own succession laws

if you don’t have the pack for the requirement, replace it with whatever is a logical replacement. or just do something else instead, i’m not gonna come through your computer

i have provided alternate requirements when necessary for people who don’t want to play with occult sims

when stated that the sim goes to university, i recommend turning off aging until they graduate. sims without a university requirement can still attend!

if you end up doing this, please tag me in your posts 💜 or at least tell me how it's going in an ask lol

1: poison ivy 🌱

people say you’re a bit intense about the environment, but you say people are too stupid to see what’s right in front of them. the world clearly needs your help, but no one understands you. people quickly disappoint you when you get close to them. they voted against the clean energy production n.a.p.—why shouldn’t their spouse find out about that secret date you had?

stats:

traits: green fiend, hot-headed, loves outdoors aspiration: villainous valentine career: gardener (botanist branch) max skills: gardening, herbalism, flower arranging

requirements:

live in any world but strangerville (it doesn’t have an eco footprint!). make every neighborhood in the world have a green eco footprint—this means you’ll have to live in all of them at some point. big worlds recommended.

get the super green thumb bonus trait from the aspiration rewards store.

leave someone at the altar.

eventually end up with your best friend who’s already in a relationship.

have 3 cowplants. if one of them dies, remove 1000 simoleons as punishment and replace it. what you do with them is your business.

2: scarecrow 👻

between moving constantly, being terrified of the man-eating plants outside your window, and your parent's reputation preceding them, you fantasize about the control you’ve lacked your whole life. you loved creating monstrosities with your chemistry set as a child, and when you finally escape your town for college, your mind leads you to dark places. you evade consequences until your scheming backfires, and you’re haunted for the rest of your life by a terrifying specter your family can’t see.

stats:

traits: paranoid, genius, ambitious aspiration: purveyor of potions (non-occult alternative: academic) career: education (professor branch)/scientist (for non-occult route) max skills: mental skill, mixology skill, cooking skill

requirements:

gain and conquer every adult fear.

go to the university of britechester and major in psychology. join a secret society.

become a spellcaster. feed hexed potions to 5 sims and use negative spells on 10 sims. non-occult alternative: instead of becoming a professor, join the scientist career, and with the sim ray, use the mind control: panic upgrade on all coworkers.

after college, move to another world than where your parent lives.

become cursed with the curse of the night wraith (you may cheat for it if you can’t get it). live 3 days with it then you can de-curse yourself, but not before adding the night wraith to your household (requires cheats). obviously you can’t stop your family from interacting with it autonomously, but never initiate an interaction yourself while playing as another family member. non-occult alternative: use a ghost instead and you can pretend it’s just a figment of your sim’s imagination.

3: riddler 🧩

with your parent who hasn’t slept in days claiming your house is cursed, you drown it out with the internet and video games. your social skills might not be up to par because of it, but you’re a genius the likes of which has never been seen before. according to you, at least. you aren’t easy to get along with, but neither is one of your exes, whose path you just can’t stop crossing. try as you might, you can’t stay away from each other for very long.

stats:

traits: geek, socially awkward, self-absorbed aspiration: chief of mischief career: tech guru (start-up entrepreneur branch) max skills: mischief, robotics, logic

requirements:

as a teen, be in the streamer part-time career. have at least 500 followers on social media.

have a sim you’re dating die.

your “forever partner” has the hot-headed and mean trait. break up and get back together with them 4 times.

successfully hack supercomputer 3 times.

woohoo a servo. at least once

4: harley quinn ♦

you might never be a fully mature person, but that’s okay! you’re a free spirit—a bit unpredictable and fickle, but you’re fun! your parent’s dream is for you to go to foxbury, but one night out drinking with your roommates, you fall head over heels for a mysterious, charismatic stranger at the bar. you very quickly decide to follow them to the city, only to realize that they aren’t who you thought they were, and maybe you’re not who you thought you were, either. you end the relationship and truly find yourself.

stats:

traits: goofball, childish, romantic aspiration: leader of the pack career: doctor max skills: mischief, comedy

requirements:

start a club with your two best friends.

have an equal number of friends and enemies

briefly live on the foxbury campus, majoring in biology. fall in love with a criminal sim with all negative traits, drop out of college, and move in with them in a needs tlc apartment.

work a number of odd jobs and part-time careers while your relationship deteriorates.

break up with your partner, move out on your own, and go back to college. do not live on campus this time—continue working a part-time job while living at home. become a doctor.

5: clayface 🎭

your parent never took life very seriously, but you couldn’t be more different. not only are you fiercely competitive, you have to be liked by everyone. you’re a social chameleon who dreams of the stage. you’re only a high-maintenance, jealous, hothead—fame certainly won’t go to your head…

stats:

traits: high-maintenance, hot-headed, jealous aspiration: master actor career: actor max skills: acting, charisma

requirements:

live in del sol valley.

have a good reputation until becoming a proper celebrity, then earn a bad reputation.

marry and divorce (at least) 2 actors.

fist-fight 5 costars.

after completing the master actor aspiration, gradually lose all fame.

6: penguin ☂

there’s a lot you can say about your childhood, but you can’t say it wasn’t comfortable. with all the trust fund and nepotism you could ask for, what’s there to lose? oh. oh, wait, this trust fund isn’t bottomless, actually. uh oh. better pick up a couple side hustles to keep the lights on.

stats:

traits: snob, mean, materialistic aspiration: mansion baron career: business career (investor branch) max skills: nectar making, fishing

requirements:

never work a job until young adulthood.

spend all or almost all of your inheritance immediately after moving out (have <1500 simoleons).

start selling nectar and fish on the side.

adopt or have 1 solo science baby. be enemies with all of your neighbors but have a max relationship with your child.

have 5 on-and-off woohoo partners but never a real relationship. once you reach mid-adulthood (not young adulthood), you may marry one of your woohoo partners who’s always secretly been in love with you.

7: mr. freeze 🧊

your eccentric parent doted on you, but school was miserable. at least you had one friend, your best friend. as you got older, you got shy about your developing feelings for them—little did you know, they were in love with you too. you got married and everything was perfect. and then they died. you’ll dedicate your entire life to bringing them back, no matter the cost.

stats:

traits: gloomy, perfectionist, family-oriented aspiration: soulmate career: scientist max skills: all skills associated with making ambrosia

requirements:

be disliked by at least 3 classmates as a child/teen and have only 1 friend.

become soulmates with the friend, get married, and move to mt. komorebi. when at least 1 of your children ages up into a child, your spouse dies.

you quit your job to focus solely on making ambrosia to bring your spouse back. you can rejoin the scientist career when this is complete. if you need money, start selling household items.

you become increasingly distant with your child(ren), too focused on your goal. your relationship with them suffers greatly.

you cannot have any romantic relationship with another sim ever. even if your revived spouse can’t forgive you…

8: joker 🤡

when you watch your parent sob while baking ten cakes in a row, saying it’ll bring your other parent back from the dead, the best way to cope is turning it into a stand-up routine, right? you’ve used comedy to mask the darkness in you your whole life. might as well try to profit off it. also, your vampire obsession is kind of off-putting.

stats:

traits: goofball, evil, hates children aspiration: joke star career: entertainer (comedian branch) max skills: comedy, mischief, vampire lore

requirements:

as a child, get a’s in school and be in the drama club. have a forgotten birthday when becoming a teen, the final straw. quit the drama club, become disliked/enemies with all of your friends, and become a d student.

move to san myshuno.

reach a two-star celebrity level from comedy.

never marry and have an accidental child with a fan. all children you have must be accidental. like your parent before you, you cannot connect with your children and have a difficult dynamic with all of them.

have a -100 relationship with a vampire. have a negative interaction at least once a week. non-occult alternative: make it a human goth sim. lmao.

9: two-face 🌗

despite absent parenting, you were voted most likely to succeed in high school and graduated at the top of your class. your goals are simple and attainable: become leader of the free world. but your promising political career is nipped in the bud when your entire life is ruined. disgraced, secluded, and battling two sides of yourself, you turn to other career options.

stats:

traits: self-assured, erratic, overachiever aspiration: goal oriented, public enemy career: politics (politician branch), criminal career (boss branch) max skills: charisma, research & debate

requirements:

as a child, receive a future cube as a gift from a parent. every major decision you make besides the requirements have to be made with the future cube. no takesies backsies.

make all a’s in elementary and high school and win prom royalty.

marry your teenage sweetheart straight out of high school. have only 1 child.

reach level 5 of the politics career, then your sim is turned into either a werewolf or vampire (player’s choice—or flip a coin!) against their will (you’ll have to pretend). non-occult alternative: you’re caught in a cheating scandal that ruins your career.

you’re forced to quit your job, get divorced, move to a non-city world with your child, and join the criminal career.

10: catwoman 🐈

your parent was not an easy person to live with. they may have not minded your habit of stealing from school, but you couldn’t take it anymore. you return to the city with a plan to get rich quick, but you’re no crime boss. you’re doing this on your own terms, playing for nobody’s team but your own. even if someone keeps trying to poke their nose in your family’s business.

stats:

traits: kleptomaniac, cat lover, adventurous aspiration: fabulously wealthy career: retail employee, thief max skills: rock climbing, knitting

requirements:

your non-criminal parent dies before you reach teenhood.

have a gloomy childhood friend you lose touch with in your teen years. as young adults, the friend has become a secret agent investigating your family. they are enemies with your criminal parent. you and the friend also become enemies.

you’re working as a retail employee, but where you’re really getting your money is robbery. initiate 2 romantic relationships with rich sims to rob their house.

eventually become lovers with your friend-turned-enemy.

adopt 3 stray cats.

[dumbass-duo-showdown]

DUMBASS DUO SHOWDOWN ROUND 1 BATTLE 5

JOSUKE HIGASHIKATA & OKUYASU NIJIMURA AKA JOSUYASU (JOJO'S BIZARRE ADVENTURE) VS SHOUYOU HINATA & TOBIO KAGEYAMA (HAIKYUU)

propaganda under the cut!

josuyasu

Josuke is fairly decent, but okuyasu, you know how in math, if you multiply a negative number with a positive one it is always negative, that is josuyasu for you. Josuke has 6 braincells and Okuyasu has -6734. Their first meeting was okuyasu trying to kill josuke, then he shows up at his house a few days later and goes "hey lets go to school! btw your mom is hot!" Josuke punches a plate of spaghetti because he thinks the chef is evil, they both fight a middle schooler who stole their cash. Okuyasu got the third most op ability in his part but he is too stupid (and kind) to realize it. Somehow they survive their entire part. They are thus far the second jojo and jobro duo to not lose each other. the second one? THEM IN AN ALTERNATIVE UNIVERSE! (okay but okuyasu is swapped for koichi in that one, but still).

Josuke normally is pretty smart, but somewhat silly, but Okuyasu. Isn’t incredibly bright but he’s the best jojo character idc. Okuyasu brings out josukes stupid and then they are just besties and totally bouncing off each other’s stupid ideas. Idk what Okuyasu does to josukes brain but I’m here for it

I saw the post title and without reading anything else immediately went to submit them, only to go back and read the full post and realize they were included by default. They are THE dumbass duo. Ever. The worst protagonists for a detective story, but they dumbassed around so hard they somehow caught a genius serial killer. No matter who wins, they’ll always be the number 1 dumbasses in my heart.

they are the best of friends, which of course means they met by trying to kill each other.

They’re both so stupid. Like josuke isn’t that stupid on his own but he’s kinda dumb and when you put him with dumbass incarnate okuyasu they multiply each others’ stupidness. Together they are a menace.

Hinata & Kageyama

I love how at first it seems like Hinata will be The Dumb One and Kageyama will be The Smart One, but then no. Just, no, surprise girlies, Kageyama is just as much (if not even more) of a dumbass as Hinata and that’s beautiful of them.

They scream pre-pubescently at each other

They are babies. Not only are they emotionally constipated but they are just stupid in general. They thought a cell phone tower was the Eiffel Tower...

Outside of volleyball these two don’t know shit about shit. They’re helpless worms intellectually and perhaps even socially. They need help.

both of them have like. Volleyball Smarts. but off the court are so dumb like all the time. also their relationship with each other means so much to me. hinata is the person that can keep up with kageyama and wants to, that kageyama’s been waiting for. especially since his grandpa died a year ago and he has no friends. kageyama is someone who can set to hinata and also is hinata’s person to beat. they help each other grow as people while also not being able to tell twins apart even when the twins have differently colored dyed hair <3

[rickfucker]

(kinda emo) Nsfw Rick Headcanons (GN!)

i’ve gained lots of followers since my last post. hello! and welcome to the shitshow. this turned out extra emo! for whatever reason idk. i think it might just be because of how much i love rick this season. he’s a little softer. pls enjoy.

Sex is one of those things that he almost overdid when he was younger. He still loves it, don’t get me wrong, but he used it as an unhealthy coping mechanism in tandem with his drinking. It started losing its spark as he really got on in years.

This man is of the streets. He’s seen it all and he’s done it all.

Definitely a switch. His default is soft dominant. He will give endless praise, from how stunning your body is to how well you take him.

He gets tired, though. He’s spent his whole life fighting shadows of himself; trying to convince himself that he doesn’t need anyone. He wouldn’t ask you outright, necessarily, but if you decide to take the reigns from him for a night, he melts right into it. He wants someone to take care of him. Love him. Be gentle with him, just enough to make him forget about the cruelty of his own existence.

Sex with you is healing for him in that respect. He has done the hard and fast with everyone he’s ever met. You’re a fresh start, like he’s being given a second chance at doing things the right way.

He takes his time with you. To the point of your very obvious frustration. I’m talking hours of foreplay.

He’s the type to gently coerce you into saying exactly what you want in bed, usually in the filthiest way possible. Once again, extra points for the full-body blushing you’ll be doing. He eats that shit up.

He wants to hear you say what you want. That you want him, specifically. Consent is sexy!

Nicknames for days. Sweetheart, baby, hun, sugar, sweetcheeks, lmao. He loves just hearing you say his name, though.

He likes to fuck in weird places. Views it like a sort of challenge.

You would definitely have sex in every room in the house. Kitchen countertops, living room couch, the shower (obviously), laying you out on top of the dining room table (you insist on Clorox-ing afterward because he certainly isn’t going to do it).

He would never risk the possibility of you two being walked in on, though. He’s for sure into exhibitionism to an extent, but not with his family in mind. For your privacy as much as his own. Also his territorial nature. Nobody is viewing the goods but him.

He actually doesn’t want to have sex on his workspace. He’s got too much important shit that can’t risk, ahem, contamination.

If you get awkward of feel embarrassed while bumping uglies, he literally does not care. Everything you do is sexy to him, including all of the very human things about you.

(AFAB) I can’t tell if he’s a boob or a butt guy, but that’s ‘cause he’s a pussy guy. We all know this. He is King of giving head and he fucking loves it. 

(AMAB) Same goes here. King of Giving Head; He WILL give you that sloppy toppy.

Always makes his partner come first.

He can’t pick a favorite position, but he does love it when you ride him, especially dry humping. He likes it when the two of you end up so in the moment that there’s no time for taking off clothes.

Goes absolutely feral when you say you love him.

Sometimes cries a little after really intense sex, but not when you can see him. He’s got all these pent up emotions that just end up toppling over when he lets his guard down.

Pillow talk for a hundred years. He likes it when you start rambling about the future, toying with his hands while you talk softly. “Maybe we could move somewhere closer to the ocean. Or are you more of a cabin in the woods kind of guy?” You laugh at the idea of Rick lounging on the beach, which he takes mock offense to.

You make him think about things he never would have considered before. What reason would he have to ask himself the less important questions of life? Like what his favorite architectural style of home is. What would his perfect vacation look like? If he had to pick a new hobby to start, what would it be? It’s just nonsense, things he would never talk about in front of anyone else due to their irrelevant nature, but in the afterglow with you, he likes it. Maybe it makes him feel more normal; suburban; domestic. Maybe he just likes how dreamily you talk about those things, and the way you give him your full, rapt attention in the quiet sanctity of his tiny bedroom. Nothing else exists but you.

[wordslikesilver]

Seeing the discourse lately on transmisogyny and coming across new terms like tme and tma being used more than I think I’ve ever seen before because of everything going on had me uneasy, not gonna lie, I always do when I find new terminology from the alphabet mafia because I’m thinking to myself oh boy, more stuff to explain to cis people. Looked into it, it all seems pretty reasonable to me tho for including nonbinary femmes and femme intersex people I’ve sorta just always by default assumed “Trans Femme” was really good given the whole “it’s a spectrum and transmisogyny by definition is talking about the people on the femme side of it who didn’t start there” so admittedly I’ll probably be a grump about changing my vocab soon.

But then I see some new shit in the wake of all this TERF nonsense and bigotry being used against trans women? Detransitioned cis women calling themselves trans women and saying WE don’t understand the concept of gender well? The audacity? Look, changing the labels of a community to be less offensive is something I support so loudly and love and adore. This isn’t that. This is people encroaching on our pride and our identities and pretending the flag we nobly fly, the icon of bravery and unifying love in the face of oppression that it is, isn’t clearly “ours” enough. That it’s something they’re allowed to say belongs to them too so we need to come up with something new to call ourselves when we discuss the pain we face in our lives. Erasing and rewording the definitions of who we are til our identity is gone altogether. Moving the goal posts and telling us to teach everyone a whole new set of labels when the average layman still doesn’t even know that “Cis” isn’t a fucking slur, let alone what it means. Never forget that at your core when you fight against this new bigotry and they try to dance circles around you with their words and misdirect the conversation to stupid shit. Alienation from an already unified identity is a classic means of making it so much fucking harder for the oppressed to have their pleas for basic rights be acknowledged. Never let your people’s pain be silenced by someone pretending to they’re too stupid to know who you’re talking about.

To the TERFs and bigots who find this, and I fucking hope you find this, Trans Woman is not yours to fucking claim just because “gender is a construct and complicated” you will NEVER know the pain people like me have been through. I refuse to acknowledge a claim on my people’s identity because someone managed to misunderstand a concept hard enough and it’s now snowballed into a new form of complicating discussions of deserving basic and equal rights. I have felt the pains a cis woman has felt, I have felt sexist and awful treatment from men, I have been catcalled, I have been stalked, I have been made unsafe, I have been expected to be a mother for no other reason than “all women want them one day” and I have been assumed to be less than a man for some imagined frailty of the fairer sex. I am a woman. We can share that label, I WANT to share that label. We can bond over sapphic love and feminine experiences and hardships we both suffer under a cruel patriarchy. In just the same way, I have never known the pain of period cramps. I don’t have a vagina. I will never have a pregnancy scare and I will never feel the side effects of birth control. I wasn’t catcalled by gross men walking home when I was in high school. I was never sexualized by the media when I was in middle school the way cis girls would see happen to them. I am NOT a cis woman and I will never be one. I grew up as a boy, I lived and I loved as a young man, I saw the world through masculine eyes and was raised being treated as one, I will never pretend I know what it’s like to be a young girl being preyed upon and used by an older man. I will never touch that label because it’s simply not correct at the most fundamental level. I am a trans woman and that made me who I am. After all the people I’ve met and all the experiences I’ve shared, it took time to be so proud of calling myself a trans woman. Holding up the sky would’ve taken less strength of the heart, but now I feel the deepest pride knowing I’ve done something inconceivably harder.

But you, you people cannot take that from me and my sisters. I draw the fucking line at saying you think you have the slightest notion of what it’s like to be transfeminine. To be born in a body that makes people see you as a man from the very first glance, to hear you wrong from the first whisper of your voice. To spend the rest of your life working tirelessly in a fight against your own biology and/or the perception of the entire world whenever it casts its ugly eye upon you. Some of us don’t even have the privilege of fighting those perceptions or the things or own bodies have been programmed to force on us. Some of us don’t even want to have to do anything about how we look because it’s bullshit to have to fight for that basic respect from our peers in the first place and their standards just don’t align with who we are deep down in the first place! Gender is complicated but this isn’t. Have you EVER held your breath in the women’s public washroom and tucked your feet in because you were scared you’d make other women uncomfortable, because you’re not sure if you’re in an accepting space? FEARED what might happen if you step into the women’s change room to put on a bathing suit or your work clothes? Have you EVER been threatened with physical violence and called slurs in front of your own mother on public transit? Have you ever had to tell your doctor you’re ready to drop out of school to show how “sure” (re: fucking desperate) you are to be prescribed HRT? Sure, lots of cis women are on HRT, I treat them as patients all the time. Have you ever had a hot flash at the age of 21 because you were late on your injection? Did you pierce your skin with thin metal once a week for years and years to get the breasts you have? Did your body do irreparable things to your bones and your voice that make it so no one will ever see you as a woman at first glance without thousands of hours of effort, of tears, of sheer fucking focus and fixation on achieving the ideal self you see in your mind and dream of being one day? DID YOU HAVE TO BEG YOUR GOVERNMENT TO LET YOU HAVE THE BODY YOU LITERALLY ALREADY HAD AT BIRTH OR DID THEY NEVER EVEN SO MUCH AS TRY TO GET IN THE WAY OF JUST BEING CALLED MISS ON YOUR GOD DAMN LICENSE? Cis women can’t even begin to imagine the feelings I have felt, building my wings of feather and bones and wax, day after day, dreaming of flying beside my sisters who were born with wings they’ll never fear will melt, all the while remembering the last time someone born in a body like mine flew too close to the sun. Maybe they’ll perhaps know what it’s like to bind them to their back and hide them beneath their shirt, maybe they’ll even have sheered and ripped the bones from their sockets and one day wish they could have them back and sing with the rest of the angels like they used to, but they will NEVER fly on wings like mine, fear the heat from the light that makes life worth living the way I do, fear the same slings and arrows screaming up through the air from down below and even at times from above my head to let me know loud and clear they wanna knock me outta this sky, this sky that’s so beautiful and holy I cry when I touch it, the very first chance they get.

Transphobia won’t ever take the sky from me. My Icarian Wings are made on the foundation of generation after generation of my people who dreamed and yearned to touch the sunlight blue skies and the infinite glittering nights, each of us telling each other, telling ourselves we’ll never fear the light again one day, lifting each other when we fall, soaring higher each time than the ones whose wax melted before we could save them could, warmly teaching each other how to fix our broken wings and freely gifting each other the love it takes to make them stronger for the next flight. Holding each others hands as we dance and show each other how to fly, hand in hand and heart in heart with the angels who call us sister angels. A cis woman having the audacity to flap her never melting wings and saying hers are just like mine, that the name of my people is just a construct so she can say she she’s just like Icarus too, makes me wanna vomit. Pretending she knows what it’s like to watch in terror as all the feathers fall out suddenly in a moment of weakness making her break her bones upon the rocks, listening to everyone around her say “I knew it, I knew his wings were fake, look at him crawl along the ground in the dirt and the mud where he belongs.” Pretending that if two people both have skin, even of a different colour, that since the labels are made up, the sun and society itself will surely treat them the same if the white one calls themselves black.

Transphobia won’t ever take the sky from me. Come and fucking try to take these wings from me and see what happens.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hello, first of all, thank you for putting in so much time (years even) to helping people and sharing your insights. It’s really thoughtful of you and I feel happy that there is someone out there I can write to, you can give thoughtful advice.

Here’s my question: I am INFJ. What do you do when you have Ni fatigue? I ask this because I’ve noticed that my Ni requires a lot of brain power to work through and think through things. When I truly use Ni, I can sieve through things and get some pretty useful insights. But honestly, I can’t do it 24/7. And Ni being the dominant function, would mean that it would “default” to the lower functions which are not as developed when my brain is tired. That’s when problems lurk because my brain is telling me that I need my me time, but my Fe now starts to tell me that I am not interacting with the people around me and they are going to find me boring etc.

Usually this is not a problem when I have Ni around to assess the situation, but my brain is tired of analysing that I just don’t. Maybe this is not supposed to happen, maybe I am overusing Ni? I usually spend most of my waking hours analysing with Ni, which could definitely be the problem. So, maybe there should be a boundary to using Ni only at certain times of the day or situations, just like setting boundaries when listening to people so you don’t get too emotionally fatigued? If so, what how would it be like?

Contradictory to my own conclusion about setting a boundary for Ni, I would find it odd for the dominant function to not be present when it is needed just because the situation is not a priority or because it is too brain intensive to spare for thinking. Anyway, I would like to hear your thoughts on how you manage Ni “fatigue” or if you actually don’t and I’m missing something…. Thank you :)

--------------------

You're missing something...

1) It seems your knowledge of the functions is still lacking because you have not properly distinguished between Ni and Ti. The words I have highlighted indicate a judging function being used, not a perceiving function. Thus, the fatigue likely stems from using a lower function too much, which requires a lot of mental energy.

2) Your "analyzing" sounds like it might border on unproductive. I say "might" because you haven't given examples or specified what you're analyzing and why. Using Ni+Ti can easily veer into Ni-Ti loop. Remember that people often don't realize they're in tertiary loop because it is a manifestation of unconscious activity. Can you tell the difference between "thinking" and "overthinking"? If you can't, it's a problem. Overthinking is maladaptive because it stops you from living life smoothly, such as simply: being who you are, going with the flow, doing what needs to be done, doing what you want to do, etc.

3) Using functions optimally involves having the self-awareness to understand why you're using the function. Related to point #2, what is the purpose of all that "analyzing"? Do you feel as though you must do it? Can you stop doing it and still be perfectly fine? If not, there's something awry. Are you actually describing an unhealthy defensiveness or compulsion?

[thediamondarcher]

What's your favorite Soliatire quote? :)

“When it comes to the exams . . . I generally don’t write what they want me to write. I’m not very good at, er, sorting out all the stuff in my head. Like, I took biology A-level, and I completely understood what polypeptide synthesis was, but I couldn’t write it down. I’m not dyslexic or anything. I just don’t know what the examiners want to hear. I don’t know whether I just forget things, or maybe I don’t know how I’m supposed to explain it. I just don’t know. And it’s fucking horrible.”

in my opinion, that one is completely amazing and i don't think i need to explain why tbh.

★

“There’s a time and a place for being normal. For most people, normal is a default. But for some, like you and me, normal is something we have to bring out, like putting on a suit for a posh dinner.”

another VERY neurodivergent coded quote said by Michael.

★

"Your eyes are different colors,” I say.

“Did I not tell you that I’m a magical anime girl?”

“Seriously, why, though?”

“My blue eye conceals the power of my past life, and I use it to summon my guardian angels to assist me in my plight against the forces of darkness.”

“Are you drunk?”

“I’m a poet.”

that whole conversation is just amazing

★

"It hits me, then. I haven’t ever known what I wanted out of life. Until now. I sort of want to be dead."

this one just hits too close to home

★

"Two girls walk past in gargantuan heels and dresses so tight that their skin is spilling out, and one of them says to the other, “Wait, who the fuck is Lewis Carroll?” and in my imagination I pull a gun out of my pocket, shoot them both, and then shoot myself."

this one is just because Tori is way too real

★

“There’s nothing romantic about death. I hate when people use Kurt Cobain’s suicide as an excuse to worship him for being such a tormented soul.”

again just Tori being way too real

★

"What surprises me the most is how suddenly it happens. Normally it takes forever. Normally when I’m trying to sleep I do all these silly things, like I roll over and imagine that I’m sleeping next to someone and I reach out and caress their hair. Or I clasp my hands together and after a little while I start thinking it’s somebody else’s hand I’m holding, not my own. I swear to God there’s something wrong with me. There really is. But this time I feel myself roll slightly over so I’m resting on his chest, under his arm. He smells vaguely of bonfires. At some point I think someone opens the door and sees us lying there half-asleep together. Whoever it is looks at us for a moment before quietly shutting the door again. The shouting downstairs begins to ease, even though the music is still pumping. I half listen for any demonic creatures outside the window, but it’s a silent night. Nothing traps me. It’s nice. I feel the air in the room, and it’s like there is none."

the way Tori just finds this amount of comfort on Michel says so much about their relationship it just makes me feel so many things

★

“A better person? Ha. I’ve done some shitty things to people. And now I’m admitting it. You know what, Evelyn? Maybe I want to be a special snowflake. Maybe, sometimes, I just want to express the emotions that I’m actually feeling instead of having to put on this happy smiley facade that I put on every day just to come across to bitches like you as not boring.”

Becky being real !!!!! (she's so mirrorball coded too)

[debb987]

Author Note for fic - 2012 TMNT interpretation

This was kind of long for the Author Note of Chapter 3, so I’m placing it here instead. So, I don’t mean to do any bashing on “The Eldest Brother” fic, this is just some analysis / my interpretation  on the TMNT 2012 circumstances. 

Leo is a fan of Space Heroes, a series which often shows the captain “calming down” the junior by slapping him (uses physical violence as comedy relief). For someone that didn’t leave the sewers in fifteen years, they only have Splinter and the media to learn and imitate. He’s not being purposely mean, he just doesn’t know better.

Splinter struggles to separate Sensei role and Parent role. He often ends up mixing them up, which makes it hard for his sons to confide in him on certain things, so he is shown often giving the first step to help with what he sees his sons need. Like talking with Donnie in the Metal Head episode, with Leo about fighting unfairly to win, and Raph about ignoring the insults instead of letting them make him angry. This, of course, means that if he doesn’t notice something, the issue is not addressed or resolved. 

Mikey is the family baby (and has ADHD, you can pry this from my cold, dead hands) and that comes with: Babying, doubting his capabilities regardless of how many times he proves them wrong (he probably can’t stay still/be silent/ concentrate. Better be the bait instead of ambushing the enemy) considering him too distracted/childish to be trusted with dangerous or difficult stuff. The brothers’ default response for his ideas/opinions is, often, to dismiss them. Probably they don’t even realize how mean this can be at times, and even Splinter seems to think Mikey is childish/an airhead, so… yeah. Not resolved, at least at this point of time (S1 2012 series).

Donnie is expected to know everything, create anything, repair everything, to the point where he gets scolded when he doesn’t know something. “Why didn’t you tell me they had shields??” “Because I wanted us to fail. OBVIOUSLY I DIDN’T KNOW!” And although he has accepted the role and does so for his family, I think he’d not be too keen on working for others not close to him, hence the reluctance to make a Tphone for Rise!Raph, this stranger that claims to be another version of his brother but acts nothing like him. He’d probably not have this issue if it had been Rise!Mikey landing on their world. Too similar to be anything but the baby bro~

And 2012 Raph, much like his Rise!counterpart, prefers to turn difficult emotions into anger, and loves and wants to protect his family the best he can. He’s a little hothead and can be quick to  jump to conclusions, but that’s expected for most teens in general, if you ask me. Again, not resolved, at least at this point of time (S1 2012 series) but he does get some character growth later on from what I’ve been told. I haven’t watched anything after S1 2012.

Anyway, I usually don’t rant this much in the AN of my fics, but the TMNT fandom scares me (the 2012 vs 2018 discussions can get real mean), so I’d rather “justify” things here than go individually in the comments. Circumstances for each TMNT version are different… please don’t insult ppl if they like one version more than the other, and, is ok to be able to criticize the ‘flaws’ of each show and still like them. 

Welp, hope you enjoyed the read!(Or will enjoy it, if you happened to see this note before I publish Ch 3 haha) 

This is the link for anyone curious. https://archiveofourown.org/works/42638430/chapters/107105004#workskin

 See ya’ around~ dEBB987

[neatfrog]

tldr: my feelings on romance in relationships and the idea of ‘romantic attraction’ in general

The older I get the more I wonder what the “line” is where something becomes romantic rather than platonic/friendly. What feelings count as ‘romantic’? I’ve felt the initial ‘infatuation’ that comes into play when I discover that I really really like a person - but I can become infatuated with people that I don’t want a ‘romantic’ relationship with too. Not to sound aro af (bc I don’t know if that fits) but wtf is ‘romantic attraction’ ? Like ‘oh I want to shower this person with my love in the form of poems and flowers and chocolates’ (sorry but those are the things I keep seeing portrayed as romantic).

I feel an abundance of love for my spouse, and my friends, but obviously the relationship I have with my spouse is different. I can’t perfectly pinpoint the difference except that there’s a sexual aspect that I don’t have with friends*, and they would by default be the person I put first above anyone else. But I’ve never been the type to be ‘romantic’ after I’m with someone a while and I know everyone says you have to ‘keep romance alive’, but is it not enough to love and appreciate that person and show them you care in more practical ways?**

*to clarify I’m not against having sex with my friends, and I’m willing to hug/cuddle with most of them but besides a couple of them they would see that as weird. so for me sex/physical touch doesn’t differentiate much from romantic vs platonic love, because I don’t see any reason why it should.

**and yes I know about the different ‘love languages’, mine and my spouse’s differ a bit but we’re working on it

Like idk all the ‘gestures’ I would do to show my spouse I love them (buying small things to give them bc it made me think of them and I know they’d like it, doing favors/cooking/etc for them, telling them with words (which I’m not always good at)) are stuff that I would also be willing to do for friends.

Sometimes ‘romance’ just feels like overplayed fiction that people use to (imo, quite needlessly) emphasize a particular type of relationship that is considered to be more ‘serious’ than anything you could have with friends.

I’m not dissing anyone who does find romance important (whatever you consider to be romance) but the more I think about it the more I struggle to distinguish what ‘romance’ is supposed to be. I love the idea in fiction, no problems there, but I think real life is so much more complex than that.

Maybe it’s just the type of person I am, I don’t feel the need for constant ‘grand gestures’ or being overly affectionate (this was different when I was just getting out of a terrible relationship and was starved for both physical and emotional intimacy).

And I hate when people suggest “well maybe you don’t love them anymore/enough” which couldn’t be farther from the truth. I don’t like the “relationships/marriage are hard work” narrative, because a healthy one shouldn’t be constant work, but there IS still some effort you have to make to have clear and honest communication. Nothing is easy and perfect 100% of the time, and there are gonna be bumps in the road (I say this after ~6 years in what I would consider a very healthy and happy marriage).

Anyway I’m genuinely interested in how other people define romance and where they draw the line to differentiate, because to me it all just seems really blurry. And I’d love to see how those who don’t experience romantic attraction or use that to define their relationships view the whole thing.

[mikmiho]

Uhh hihi tumblr, this is a an essay on David chiem’s personality, I hope you enjoy. (Please keep in mind that I haven’t watched drdt in a while so there may be some mistakes idk though) anyway^^^^

Ever since episode 11, I’ve been thinking about David and his personality. He begins as an optimistic and friendly person, in episode 11 it then turns out that David was really manipulative and lying throughout the series, being a cold-hearted, pessimistic liar. But this ‘true’ david, I believe that is a lie.

David has always seemed suspicious ever since the beginning of drdt because of his sudden changes in behaviour only see for a few seconds before reverting back to normal.This can also make us conclude that the majority of his actions were made because of his ulterior motives, occasionally getting tired of pretending to be such a nice person. But most people would probably just tell me that I’m reality he was always a bad person as he bad mouthed arei even before he received suspicious during the second trial but beforehand the single time ( at least of what I remember) he broke character was in the prologue saying ‘Ugh, am I done with these dumb introductions already?This really sucks. Damn, why’d I even come to this ridiculous school? I hate talking to people anyway…I wish I were in bed…’ These lines were said whilst forgetting Teruko was present, being the most accurate example of his personality prior to chapter 2. You may think this sounds quite similar to how David is currently but I disagree. He speaks here without swearing, despite how visually annoyed he appears contrasting to when he had been in episode 11. In my opinion, I interpreted these lines as David still being a (manipulative) liar but only doing that on the outside as it’s what’s expected of him, getting irritated that due to his popularity he can’t act with sincerity. I base this theory (?) mostly off of this artwork.

David in the art is seen as happy being praised by an adult or an inportant figure in his life. I regularly believe that praise was something David enjoyed receiving as a child repairing in his wanting to act a certain way to be someone that could be admired.This would have eventually spiralled out of control to the point whereas all David ever said were lies to make people happier.

This is why I believe that David’s personality is not what he had shown in episode 11.

Now I must cover the topic of why he had acted differently during the trial.

Well, despite how I’m covering his personality shown in the second trial, i need to talk i about another scene first, David and arei’s (+ teruko, she doesn’t say anything) scene in the playground (ep 5 of chapter2).

This scene is what I believe is the second (still not sure if he broke character between chapter 1 and 2 so I’m still not sure whether I’m right but) scene where he breaks character, this time being much more subtle.The scene I’m referring to begins after arei breaks down in-front of David (+teruko), being calmed down by David afterwards, ( what David said ,I don’t currently have an opinion on whether he meant it or not as it probably was he default reaction to this sort of scene) David is then surprised by arei hugging David back and possibly also her line,‘You’re nice too’. I believe that his reaction is his real self in the scene, this is something I believe because David is bashful, sweating (slightly) and even stutter which had never (probably) happened to David before in drdt.His reaction tells us that it was something not part of his ‘calculation’, making his very bashful, not getting to react as he would in any other circumstances.

Now, when comparing the behaviour i had talked about previously to David (post reveal), David swears very frequently in speech, he is cocky, he is easily irritated and casually lies; this being the complete opposite of how we all know David. David even acts in a way which makes him seem much more different from the prologue David which was irritated and tired and would be much more likely to swear in those circumstances.

This may be me jumping to conclusions but I believe that the prologue David is the real David whilst the other two versions are personas made to create an image of himself. The prologue David is someone that is tired of putting up with being such a optimistic person and just wants to act casually, letting his guard down once it’s slightly quieter, implying that even within those circumstances that may have been calmer that his average day. And Optimistic David was someone that seemed both perfect and normal all at once, being someone that was truely perfect, being relatable and a figure of inspiration. Finally there is our ‘true’ David which is cocky, rude, manipulative and an liar.

This ‘true’ version of David revealed in episode 11 can be explained simply by being an extreme type of prologue David, one that patronises, looks down on and makes fun of everyone regardless of who they once were to him, David continually pushes this cocky personality with a foul mouth so much to the point whereas it just seems he’s doing this just to push this agenda of how awful of a person he is.So much so that I can say with certainty that this ‘real’ David is a lie.

Some wouldn’t believe me after than, well I haven’t provided any evidence to back up my theory, well I’ll be analysing the moment whereas David ‘admits to killing arei’. During the chain of events leading to this ‘reveal’, there’s an evident change in his mind, that changing from being defensive to admitting his ‘crimes’, having to refer back to his speech about min ensuring that everyone is keeping in mind that this David is the ‘real’ one.Although this act does break briefly once he ‘admits’ that he killed arei. It’s easily notable that David appears to be in lots of pain saying ‘I killed arei’ even stuttering beforehand. His sprite is covered in sweat,squinting his eyes even having to grab onto his opposite arm for support.Evidently he’s suffering greatly from saying this, only ‘confessing’ this to keep up with the character he’s attempting to portray.

His story also changes consistently throughout the trial to match the current conversation topic, I we can assume that david’s beginning to lose hope in his lie and began spouting out downgrading statements and claims just to act as someone who’s confident with the current situation despite his real mental state.

Of course even after everything there’s a reason why David began to portray this fake version of himself during the trial rather than revealing the truth. The only possibility currently is guilt. The guilt of having someone’s blood on his hands, not just one person but two. Naturally you would say that David was not the cause of either of Xander and Arei’s deaths but in David’s eyes, he would believe otherwise. In chapter 1 episode 5 David was present whilst Teruko and Xander discussed meeting in the computer room and yet did nothing and then in chapter 2, David was one of the last people to see Arei alive aside from her killer. All of this guilt could have pushed him to a point whereas he feels that he must atone for his crimes by becoming this awful person we know David as now. Maybe even continuing this act so much to the point whereas he wants to be executed for his ‘crimes’. An illogical route leaving everyone aside from the killer dying just because he can’t stand still living with ‘his actions’ never backing down because david just can’t carry this burden any longer. The burden of Xander, Arei and all of the people he’s ever lied to and manipulated, all just too much for David.

[biblioflyer]

Captain Marvel through the male gaze.

Fellas, we need to talk about Captain Marvel.

And I do mean “we.” I am one of you. Says so right on my birth certificate and I’ve never had reason to question it no matter how much feminist and trans-positive media I marinate in. I enjoy stuff even if I don’t completely relate to it in every way. I enjoy insights into the lives and priorities of people who are very different from me.

Author's note: This is quickly going to take on the sort of lecturing tone that I don't really intend to be the default tone of this blog, but even having sat on this for a few days, my primary emotion is frustration and try as I might, I feel it would be dishonest to try to scrape that frustration off the page.

There’s no point in denying it. This is Girl Power the Movie. It is very much about a woman refusing to be told to calm down, quit being so emotional, or that she should respect her limits. Spoiler alert: she doesn’t take it well.

This movie is full of tropes we love when it's a man!

When scrawny pre-supersoldier serum Steve Rogers picks himself back up to face the bullies and declares “I can do this all day” who actually wants him to stay on the ground in a fetal position, whimpering?

So why do so many men cast themselves as the villains in this movie? Why do we assume we are the ones who are jeering Carol? Telling her to slow down, stay down, calm down, stop being emotional? Why do we identify with the people who are using her as a weapon? Why do we identify with the guy who gets snippy when Carol doesn’t find his flirting amusing or the fanatics destroying entire civilizations?

Why not identify with Talos or Fury? The men who trust Carol, try to unchain her, believe in her capacity for goodness?

Good Straight Male Representation can Still be Badass.

In the intervening years since this movie was in theaters, I forgot how great of a character Talos is. He makes me proud to be a man! He’s such a great character, Fury too! As a man, there are some great audience surrogates in this movie. Some people are constantly complaining that all masculinity is “toxic” now or that there are no positive representations of men who aren’t “queer coded.” Lets just set aside for the moment how much the fandom fanatically loves Steve Rogers and Bucky and focus on this film.

Talos is a loving husband and father who took extreme risks to protect his family. He also interrupts a cycle of violence by choosing to try to appeal to Carol’s conscience. Talos uses reason but he also uses emotion too. These are both tools in his kit, neither is a liability. If you need a macho flex, he handily beats Fury in hand to hand combat and is generally an effective fighter throughout the movie. Yet when push comes to shove, Talos’ most powerful weapon is his ability to find a window into Carol’s humanity and reawaken it.

Fury saw someone disoriented and helped rather than shot first! He followed his instincts into saving the world! He also, rather critically, was open to changing his mind. The aliens he fought valiantly not all that long ago, he was able to allow himself to recognize that they weren’t monsters, they were people driven by very similar instincts and desires as human beings. If you don’t think Fury is a hard man, he had just instigated a car wreck he barely walked away from to win a fight merely a day or two before helping save the planet.

Yes, Carol is aloof and cold throughout much of the film. She’s an alien soldier constantly being told to suppress her emotions and follow orders uncritically. That last part is key! The theme isn’t that logic is bad! The theme is that rationality without morality is wrong. Suppressing empathy actually strips you of your rationality, and opens you to being gaslit into thinking that victims are enemies. Talos and Fury both use empathy to unlock Carol’s true persona and as well as their fighting skills to save the day.

Conceal, Don’t Feel

Carol was a soldier, the mantra to follow orders makes sense in that context. However there was always an ulterior motive. She is an amnesiac serving an authoritarian state as a member of a death squad! That’s why they want her to be an automaton! They don’t want her or any Kree pondering the wider implications of what they’re doing. Sound familiar?

Put the Phone Down.

Consequently, this is a single screen experience. If you are not scrutinizing Larson’s face, her body language, and small details in her tone of voice, you’re missing most of her performance! You have to pay attention to Clint Eastwood or Mads Mikkelson, they play very minutiae focused characters. Same with Captain Marvel. It's less austere than Jenna Ortega’s Wednesday, but it’s not far off!

Strangers in a Strange Land

The Skrull story is also just fantastic. They can stand in for so many displaced and diasporic people. Kurds, Uighurs, Afghans - anyone greeted with suspicion and violence. Anti-Semitism is also back on the rise. Whatever spicy takes you have about the Balfour Declaration or the occupation of the West Bank, you’d do well to remember that if you think most Americans aren’t personally responsible when a wedding gets strafed, the same applies to people of Jewish descent.

The Skrulls can be anyone literally and literarily. They’re such a great representation of any group seen as an interloper. But in the end it's about family, safety, and finding a home. Not taking anything from anyone. They don’t even want vengeance.

If it’s not about you, Don’t Make it About You!

If you are a man, a fan of superhero movies, think women are or should be equal to men - not each equal in separate spheres but equal, and you think this is a man hating movie, explain to me because I just don’t get it. Why do you think the cast, crew, writers, etc. think you are Jude Law’s Yon-Rogg instead of Ben Mendelsohn’s Talos? How can this movie hate men when the men who are the good guys are so awesome? Who doesn’t want to be a badass spy like Fury?

Did you think they were talking about you when they included a biker who gets snippy when Carol doesn’t respond to his flirting? Who do you think Marvel thinks you are in this movie and why aren’t you seeing yourself in the heroes?

[dirtbra1n]

HII good morning time for ask game. Throwing rare ssmy ones at the board. Shirabashi. Hiramiya. uhhh kuresawa tashiro No wait i cant do that to kuresawa. He loves his girlfriend. I WILL do it to ogasawara though. ogasawara x sasaki. And for fun if you have brain power. tell me about ur favorite mairuma dynamics….

HIII GOOD MORNING I’ve still got twenty minutes til noon as I write this part it counts. woke up read this and said aloud Oh sunnfish loves me…. my friends love me………

shirabashi: I get it, it doesn’t compel me*.

*I’m continuing my effort to get myself into these things. this is definitely still following the trend of I’m Not Doing Enough To Mindpalace Niibashi. sunnfish wouldn’t it be really funny if I shoved him into pathologic au. no better way to get me really invested in you than to suffer sundry agonies I’d say.

I think some of the kagibashi points sort of reflect onto the wall a little warped here which is really fun. Why are you tall. why are you so good at basketball. How Are You Single. followed by one conversation that concludes, Oh, that’s why. being someone who knows that shirahama cares so much about his appearance adds some fun color to this too. I think there’s some fun stuff to poke at there I’ll turn the heat up and let it simmer awhile

hiramiya: I get it, it doesn’t compel me**.

**You know. it’s also kind of a lie I think I just don’t follow through enough on putting petri dish miyano under a microscope. like. I think even in a world where miyano didn’t meet sasaki and consequently did not have to reckon with #BisexualityGate. having bl brain is kind of just a by-default queer thing straight up. Yeah I want to watch Hirano senpai and his handsome roommate I know next to nothing about gently and sensually embrace one another. I want Hirano senpai to be on the bottom. I’m normal. This is normal. like miyano can we talk about this. we’re taking this conversation to the hirakagi dorm and you will put the clipboard DOWN.

in other words Someone definitely would have to pitch me on more straightforward hiramiya—it won’t be hard, I didn’t say hirano was the dating sim au game’s default and preferred route for NO REASON—but going by system settings of What’s funniest. I’m 100% primed to skip down the road of Miyano most insane voyeur moments (#1). this is kind of a theme for hirano ships for me actually. Wait hold on HOLD ON JUST. ONE SEC

kagi would be there too. just chilling.

I know you took it back but I think a we got married setup with tashiro kuresawa and yuki would legitimately be very funny. just wanted to say that

SASAWARA: HA HA . YOU KNOWWWW…. probably could go trudge up one of my. I’ll be right back again

ogasawara sex comedy teaser for public consumption. don’t worry about masato here this isn’t about him

being brief It’s the old friends feeling. being verbose it’s You’ve seen me at my worst and snappiest and least tolerable and you still haven’t gone anywhere. you’re so annoying. are you home right now? need to drop off a cd. you’re gonna hate the third track but the fourth one’s gonna make you cry.

I’m always thinking about it. sasaki wanting ogasawara to leave him and miyano the hell alone on their date but the second ogasawara vanishes sasaki’s texting him Hey, where’d you go? old friends feeling. am throwing up all over the floor currently. I Get It. It Compels me.

MAIRUMA. BY THE WAY. love trio are my kids. I think the passive competition between clara and alice is the funniest cutest thing in the world

^ page saved in may-nearly-june 2021.

also Literally every single relationship with iruma involved compels me that’s my LITTLE BLUE BOY!!!! going to come back to this on the mairuma front later on the coattails of either rewatching the anime or catching up on the manga. and then They’ll all be sorry…… okay wrapping this one up now I love you sunnfish

[sadaveniren]

A Post on Being Closeted

I’ve had a few anons recently messaging me about their thoughts on when Harry and Louis might come out and that’s fine but something has been kinda churning in my stomach, making me a little off, and I finally figured out why. It’s the way closeting, and their decision to come out or not, is talked about. Things like “I thought they were too proud to stay closeted” or “I just don’t see them as the type who would want to stay closeted” and I just... I really, really need to hammer something home.

Harry and Louis are only closeted publicly.

In their daily lives they live together, and their friends and family, and probably even close colleagues, know about them.

You have to remember that there are different ways to be closeted, and fandom as a whole seems to be taking the very strict “they can’t be themselves, they are living a lie” type of idea. It’s the most common one where they are just constantly pretending to be heterosexual, they don’t tell anyone they’re gay, it’s this big secret no one knows about, and when celebrities talk about it they’re always like “it was such a relief to get it off my chest, for someone to finally know”. But... that’s not the only way to be closeted.

There are a lot of people out there who have come out to their family, their friends, and they live their life ... gayly. That’s not implying going out to a club, or cruising, or even announcing they are gay daily in every conversation, it just means going about your day with this awareness inside you that you are gay. That you are not operating in this world as “the default”. You are, just by existing, being gay. Your queerness is so much a part of you that if you were a character in a book your epithet would be “the gay one”. They are... openly gay.

But because they don’t announce they are gay daily, or even to every person they know, they are still closeted. The easiest example of this are people who are closeted at work. They don’t talk about their spouse. They might even actively choose not to mention it (I’ve done this even, because I worked in fucking fiber optics construction and could tell if I said shit I would be tormented). But they have a family, they live their life as they want. They are “closeted”... but they live their lives VERY differently than someone who has no support.

And I think we should consider that this is the exact same situation. Harry and Louis are choosing not to talk about their spouse, or their personal life... at work. It’s only with us. Strangers.

Just like for a normal person chooses to be closeted at work, so too can a celebrity. And that’s not to diminish the fact that that kind of forced closeting happens. I actually have a pretty good idea of why it can be such a big misconception, that leads to this kind of thinking. It’s because, I think we can all agree, that at one point Harry and Louis were forcibly closeted. They were two cute teenage kids who lived out the first six months of their courtship on reality television. And then immediately got thrust into their dream job - a wild fucking world of fame that they couldn’t even begin to fathom. They teased each other, they reveled in the taunting, and the play acting. Hell they even... sorta enjoyed the lying, thinking they were getting one over on everyone. And then that was quickly taken away from them.

They were forced to stop interacting with each other. They were forced to lie. We have pretty good evidence that Louis had to lie to his sisters, probably to his extended family. His friends. He needed people to believe he was with Eleanor because anyone could leak a story about him, because he was so famous, and his management didn’t give a shit about protecting them yet, so they wouldn’t block stories that came up. Louis and, more than likely, Harry were at one point very close to the strict closet that the GP thinks of when you think of closeting. This was the reality of 2013 to 2015 One Direction.

That is not what it is now. And for a VERY long time in fandom, from 2011 until, hell 2019 or 2020 I want to say, the only other side of the closeted coin was a full reveal. Coming out to EVERYONE. Coming out to the public. And I do think that for a long while, definitely during One Direction, and maybe even through 2016, Harry and Louis wanted to “Come Out” to everyone. They wanted to give that part of themselves to the world. The Vogue photoshoot. The big interview. I think it was a very idolized time.

But that’s not reality anymore. They’ve changed. Society has changed. Parasocial relationships are a named thing now. The question of celebrity culture, and the right to musicians personal lives are coming up more and more. They are out to their family and friends. It’s very obvious Harry’s team knows he’s gay, same as Louis. And their families. People they work with, who know them, might pick up on things, might even see them with each other, but they aren’t being told outright.

Idk it’s just... when I think about people being entitled to someone’s closet, or assuming that being closeted speaks negatively about the person who is choosing to stay closeted, I think about the fact they are expecting someone to come out to STRANGERS. Do you know how terrifying that is?

Their families know. Their loved ones know. They own houses together. They vacation in Italy and Jamaica. They have a joint bank account, and one specifically for art. They probably smoke weed and make out with each other at social gatherings with their teams because they’re grossly exhibitionists, like... they are living the life.

Why isn’t that enough? Why do we - strangers - have to be invited?

Again, I fully admit that at one point in time Harry and Louis were closeted when they didn’t want to be, and told they couldn’t come out by people who had authority over them, and it was baked into “image clause” language in their contracts. Because they now both are “independent” (Harry has a distribution deal, and Louis is with BMG) there is a chance the “image clause” is no longer a thing that is stopping either of them from coming out. If that is the case they still could choose not to come out, and that would not change anything about who they are as people. It wouldn’t make them scared, or less, or anything but two gay people living gayly who don’t want to be out in at work.

TL;DR celebrities are humans who don’t have to tell the general public they are gay because the general public are strangers

[harlowhockeystick]

happy new year from sYdney, aus! (Lmao i’m a loser who will never get over that)

i was scrolling thru ur sidney crosby stuff (bc this man has me GRIPPED I’m so embarrassed and obsessed) and I saw some of the teacher!reader stuff and I know most ppl default to like…teacher of young kids but please consider - high school teacher!reader

like yes reader is younger (I’m still thinking of ur age gap!sidney oh lord) but she’s been teaching high schoolers for nearly a decade now. so what if ur 36 and 180cm and a professional goon athlete on the ice. so what if ur shorter than literally all of sid’s teammates. hs teacher!reader has a presence and you WILL listen to her when she tells a room full of adrenaline fuelled hockey players to stop throwing their nasty underarmour clothing at each other for 5 seconds so you can all finish your damn gatorade and HYDRATE, evgeni, you think kidney stones are a joke, do you? or just giving someone the Teacher Look when they’re being a bit too sassy or just casually slotting in to help Dana in the equipment room.

dealing with the media? easy as pie - they’ve got nothing on private school parents who don’t understand why little johnny isn’t in the top class, he just needs to be challenged and extended, don’t you understand that’s why he doesn’t do anything in class, because he’s bored, he’s actually VERY capable! (sidney was shell shocked with a fear boner the first time he hears the tail end of your phone convo to a parent - “unfortunately mr x, i have yet to see any evidence of this, so our decision stands. Have a good day now :)”

the whole hockey schedule? oh lord, reader is a professional at timetable management, don’t you even worry. She’s an excellent coordinator (yes, a shared and colour coded google calendar for her and sidney’s relationship) she understands how both their schedules can be insane, but most importantly understands the importance of work-life balance and setting boundaries for yourself! she helps pull sidney out of his head, reminding him that it’s just as important to take care of himself if he wants to keep taking care of others. she reminds him that it’s okay to be a little bit selfish, and really, that it’s not actually selfish at all to admit to another person how tired and frustrated you are, or to talk about things from years past that you thought you’d gotten over, but no, really, you just buried it for the sake of your team and career.

the whole public persona/reputation vs privacy thing? she totally gets it and understands sidney’s need first privacy. hell, that’s why she so fucking tech savvy - she knows ALL the tips and tricks to keep her socials locked away from prying student and parent eyes. It sparks this sense of safety and security in sidney? like he knows for sure that his privacy is protected, and that he trusts reader so much not to accidentally or not take advantage of his fame and fortune?

uhhhh anyway sidney being in shock-scared-and-horny-awe at your absolute confidence, breadth of knowledge, and commanding yet calm presence despite your age and (comparatively) tiny size. sidney discovers he has a competency kink when you accidentally use your teacher voice on him bc he keeps trying to distract you with kisses and cuddles while ur trying to finish off some marking. like, you stare at him over the top of your glasses and go “sidney crosby, you’ve got two choices right now - you can sit down on the couch in silence and wait literally 10 minutes, or, if you want to continue as you are, one of us is going to sleep in the guest room tonight, so let’s make good choices now, eh?”

he sheepishly goes to the couch and waits for you to sit in his lap after u’re done so you can pepper his shy lil face with kisses, calling him a “ridiculous boy” with such fondness in ur voice it makes him giggle

omg stop i LOVE THIS!!!!!!!

[ghastlybin]

Lost within myself - Dami

HOWDY HOWDY HAPPY BIRTHDAY KATIE (@panda-writes-kpop) I LOVE YOUUUUU THANK YOU FOR BEING MY FRIEND AND ALSO A FELLOW CLOWN, we love to see it. As you can tell by the AU,,, lol,,, Inspired by our past convos regarding the hunger games. I wanted to switch it up a little… Kinda. I hope you enjoy and that this didn't turn out bad^^ HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶💜💜💜💜

Also added Taehyun because I needed another tribute since reader is a mentor. Also cause I love him and think he fits the concept somehow.

▾

▾Hunger games! AU ▾ Angst but also some fluff?? If you squint▾ Language & Violence ▾ Death implications ▾Tribute! Dami X Mentor! Reader▾ Y’all know the drill, also Dami has plot armor ▾ FT. Twice Tzuyu & TXT Taehyun. ▾ Taehyun has plot armor too ▾ Tzuyu has plot armor by default ▾ Yes, you are Haymitch. /J ▾ Ending is up for interpretation ▾

▾

W.C▾ 2.8K

pic credit to pinterest.

Everyone feared you.

Whether you wanted them to or not, they feared you. They hated you, even. You killed someone’s child after all. Their sibling, cousin, friend, crush, significant other— Someone who had younger people looking up to them.

You killed a person. People, for that matter.

It was just a game, right?

Games are supposed to be fun. No one was supposed to get hurt in a game.

It wasn’t fun knowing you were taking someone’s life.

It wasn’t fun knowing you were hurting more than one person each time you defended yourself, even if it were you or them.

They had the same goals you did, but only one of you could reach them.

You were the victor in the end.

Another victor with blood on your hands. But hey, you win.

Right?

▾

The ride to the Capitol was unbearably long. You remembered how it felt to ride in the train for the first time after the reaping. How you volunteered for your friend that you don’t see much anymore. The last time you felt alive and not like some monster that ruined other people’s lives.

You were the Capitol’s favorite though.

“Don’t mope around. We have guests.” Tzuyu nudged you. You sat up straight, rolling your shoulders back.

Your expression didn’t change, but you weren’t zoned out and staring outside.

“Do you want me to be happy for them?”

Tzuyu smiled at the tributes before giving you a threatening glare.

“Next car. Now.” She said through gritted teeth.

You got up without a word and followed her into the next car.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t intend to come off as rude.” You apologized right away when the door closed.

“You did. They are already scared, the least you can do is smile for them and help them become more comfortable. Would it really kill you to try?” Tzuyu kept her tone low enough to where you could hear but the tributes couldn’t.

“You’re their mentor now! No body ever survives with a pessimistic mentor.”

“No body survives with an optimistic one either.” You retorted. Tzuyu sighed, shaking her head.

“Please, just try. For them? They need your help more than ever. No body asks for this.”

“Careers.” You mumbled, earning another glare.

Tzuyu glanced through the window of the door, seeing the two tributes sitting and actively avoiding each other. You remembered how you were when you were in their shoes.

Avoiding the other tribute, knowing it would come down to you or them in the end. Even though you had long forgotten the name of the other person you were reaped with, it still wrenched your heart to remember there had been another person with you.

“Tzuyu. Only one of them can survive.” You reminded. Tzuyu acknowledged with a frown.

“I will try my best. Can’t believe they are making me raise murderers.” You mumbled the last bit, walking back into the other car with the tributes.

They both looked at you and Tzuyu. You smiled for them, even if it was forced.

“I apologize for being rude. How are you two holding up?” You asked them, trying to sound as sincere as possible. Tzuyu furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.

“Why do you sound like that?” She asked.

“What?”

“Like a… Servant— You sound very fake.”

“No I don’t.” You defended yourself with a scoff, glancing at the two tributes.

“Yes. Yes, you do.”

“Do I sound fake?” You asked the two tributes. They seemed confused on whether they wanted to nod or shake their heads.

Yubin stood up, avoiding your question all together and held her hand up for you to shake.

“I’m Yubin.”

There was something about her that interested you. It wasn't just how gorgeous she was either.

At the Capitol, you couldn't focus on much. All you could think about was Yubin.

A silly little crush, some might say.

It even went as far as forgetting you were the mentor. Not Tzuyu, who at times had to speak for you after so many tries of getting you to focus.

It was your first year as a mentor, after all. You were still the Capitol’s favorite shell of a person.

“What if the Career’s try to recruit you? What would you do?” Tzuyu asked the tributes. You realized you never got the other tribute’s name.

It was only Yubin. Yubin. Yubin.

It was already too late to ask for the other tribute’s name.

Too awkward.

You put your drink down.

“Don’t get close to anyone. You’ll only feel betrayed.”

Tzuyu cleared her throat, “hate to admit it, but it’s true. There will only be one survivor. If it’s not one of you, it’ll be a career you trusted.”

▾

“Anything you want to say to them before they go into training?” Tzuyu asked, crossing her arms. You smiled at them.

“Good luck.”

Tzuyu lightly slapped your arms. You sighed.

“Work on what you know you’re good at. Don’t bother learning new stuff until you’ve perfected what you know.” You advised more seriously.

“Yubin, you’re smart. If I were you, I’d focus on your familiarity with plants, the terrain, survival skills. The difference between a mound and a mine.”

You looked at the other tribute, who seemed surprised you were actually being a mentor.

“And you… Er…” You admit, you felt bad for never learning his name.

“Taehyun.” Tzuyu whispered to you. You awkwardly smiled.

“Taehyun. You’re good with knives. Focus on that.”

“Ah, so you do know something about me.” Taehyun joked. You crossed your arms.

“You are forgetting something though.” He added. You raised your eyebrows, waiting for him to continue.

“I’m good at being invisible.”

You weren't sure if he was just joking to make fun of you for only focusing on Yubin or if he was serious.

“Taehyun, I'm so sorry. I don't usually—”

“I'm serious. I’ve won every game of hide and seek I’ve played.” Taehyun proudly stated.

“Knives and camouflage. Good. Awesome. You two know what to focus on now.” You looked at the two, feeling a sense of pride for getting stuck with the smart tributes and not the reckless ones.

When they left you and Tzuyu waited.

More waiting.

“You did good. Sort of.”

“Sort of?” You questioned, slightly offended. Tzuyu put her hand on your shoulder.

“I’m disappointed that you only remembered one of their names.”

You groaned, sitting down, “do you want me to write Taehyun’s name five hundred times to make sure I remember it next time?”

“That’s not a bad idea.” Tzuyu sat beside you. You threw your head back, staring at the ceiling above you.

“Do you like Yubin?”

“What do you mean?”

Tzuyu narrowed her eyes at you, “you know what I mean. I see the way you look at her when she’s talking or doing anything. I saw the way you froze when she shook your hand. I have never seen you exhibit this kind of behavior before.”

“Is it really out of character to have a crush?” You closed your eyes. Tzuyu smiled a little.

“It’s… How do I put this… Unrequited.”

You opened your eyes again, still staring at the ceiling in such a neck breaking position.

Unrequited seemed to fit. Yubin was a tribute.

She had a one out of twenty-four chance of survival. Even after, a kind-hearted person like Yubin wouldn’t be the same after if she won.

You sure as hell weren’t.

▾

You, Yubin, Taehyun, and Tzuyu sat around the TV waiting for their scores. You pretty much tuned out every other tributes scores from other districts, knowing they’d most likely be average or poor while the careers had the highest.

It was always like that.

You were in the poor range, as hard as it was the believe. A score of three.

So how did you manage to survive?

You were just a person, killing to survive. Dying to live.

“Oh! Pay attention!” Tzuyu excitedly smacked your arm. Yubin chuckled, inching her hand towards yours as Taehyun’s score were first.

You absentmindedly curled your fingers around Yubin’s hand.

Nine.

“Holy shit.”

“Language.” Tzuyu scolded, although she was impressed. Taehyun even seemed surprised.

“Good job, er… What is your name again?” You joked. Taehyun threw a grape at you.

“Very funny.” Taehyun looked back at the screen as Yubin came up.

You were now consciously aware that Yubin was holding your hand. Whether she intended it or not, she squeezed your hand in anticipation.

Eleven.

“Holy shit.” Tzuyu muttered under her breath.

“Sorry.” She immediately apologized. You grinned, “did I hear you correctly?”

“Quiet.”

Yubin’s eyes were glued to the TV in shock, wondering how her smarts got that high of a score.

“You got an eleven. Do you know who the last person to get an eleven was?” You asked Yubin, placing your other hand over hers.

“No, was it you?” Yubin asked while her score registered.

“Absolutely… not.” You had a huge smile on your face. “I got a three.”

Yubin scoffed at your response.

“I got a nine.” Taehyun reminded. You gave him a thumbs up.

“I can hack into the system and make it higher—”

“Hey!” Tzuyu slapped your arm. “Don’t say that out loud. Are you trying to get us raided by peacekeepers?”

You cleared your throat and looked at Taehyun again, whispering this time.

“I can hack into the system and make it higher.”

▾

It was the night before the games and your chest felt heavy, knowing your new friends— as well as your budding romance with Yubin— would be coming to an end sooner than you were ready.

You almost forgot that you were raising murderers despite the countless times Tzuyu reminded you.

“Well, I’m headed off to sleep. Goodnight.” Taehyun was the first to leave for the night. Assuming he just wanted to get it all over with.

Tzuyu was next, although she seemed on edge about how tomorrow would turn out.

Then there were two. You and Yubin.

Yubin stood on the balcony, overlooking the Capitol.

“Hey there, eleven.”

Yubin smiled, already knowing who you were without looking back.

“Hey, three.”

You couldn’t help but laugh, “okay, well this three still survived.”

Yubin laughed half-heartedly and you could tell something was wrong.

Probably the fact she’ll need to fight for her life in an arena of other tributes doing the same.

“What was it like for you? In your games?”

Your smile faded slowly and the pain you’ve held inside became more prominent. You tried so hard to push the memories away despite them being everywhere.

“Full story or a summary?” You slowly joined her, leaning against the railing of the balcony with her,

“You pick.”

You took a deep breath, forcing yourself to recall the memories for Yubin’s sake.

“My name wasn’t called during the reaping. My friend was supposed to be there. But she panicked when she had to go up on stage and I volunteered on a whim.”

Yubin listened to everything you said, admiring your bravery.

“So you do care about people.” Yubin slightly smirked. You lightly nudged her.

“Of course I do. I wasn’t good with most skills others possessed. That’s why I got a three. In the arena, I was terrified and even… I don’t know. I wish I could go back and tell myself to not be so reckless.” You frowned.

“You lived because you were reckless. If I live, it’s because I was the opposite.” Yubin rubbed her hands together. You thought about what she said.

Would you have died if you were more cautious?

“I’m not afraid of dying,” Yubin turned to face you. She grabbed your shoulders to force you to face her as well.

“I’m afraid of losing who I am.”

She smiled at you, but it was sympathetic.

“It’s not too late to find yourself. I loved the moments when I could see the real you coming out. I hope you can learn to forgive yourself for something you were forced to do.”

With that sentence leaving you in a state of shock that gutted you, you stood there, silent as the tears welled up in your eyes.

“I know you’re rooting for me. I’m rooting for you too.” Yubin whispered, kissing your cheek before walking away.

“Goodnight.”

▾

You were coming to terms with everything. Your past and what Yubin said to you that night.

You watched the cornucopia on a screen with Tzuyu.

When everyone ran off of their podiums, Taehyun and Yubin ran their separate ways in the chaos.

Yubin was immediately chased by a group of four careers.

The careers sought her out, knowing they would be unable to recruit her before the games. She knew her score was too high as she ran through the forests. You knew her score was too high.

If they didn’t recruit her, they’d have to target her first.

“Don’t get close to anyone. You’ll only feel betrayed.”

Yubin slid down a slope and into a river, screaming before she was submerged under the water.

You watched, some how determined that she would survive.

And she did, quickly getting up and splashing to the other side as the careers watched her from the slope she slid down.

You smiled a genuine smile knowing they hadn’t got her yet.

Yubin hid on higher ground, using her wits to guide her. Luckily, no one found her or even came to that part of the arena.

She had to be careful about the borders too, knowing what to watch out for.

Yubin spent her first night alone, exhausted and watching each picture of the fallen tributes in the sky.

None of whom she’s met before.

As the days went by, Yubin was alone. No sign of other tributes— Other than the fallen ones that appeared in the sky after the cannon shots.

There were four tributes left, including Yubin.

You watched the screen carefully, supplying her with a parachute that contained food so she wouldn’t have to risk running into one of the other tributes.

Yubin watched as the parachute made it’s way to her, catching it. Yubin looked up at the sky, mouthing a desperate ‘thank you.’

That night, only one tribute died.

It was now Yubin, Taehyun, and a career from District 2.

The next day, the cornucopia was announced to be replenished with food, water, weapons— The essentials.

You knew it was the gamemaker’s way of getting the three together. The ones left knew where the cornucopia was and that they may need the supplies.

Yubin knew how to forage for food. She knew how to purify the water.

But it was growing difficult to find food that wouldn’t kill her or poison her.

It was difficult purifying water she didn’t have the tools for.

So Yubin made her way back to the cornucopia.

So did Taehyun and so did the career from District 2.

You and Tzuyu anxiously watched, although glad someone from your district made it this far— Let alone both of them.

That just made it all the more harder to watch.

The three tributes standing stared at each other, eyeing each other’s movements.

Yubin didn’t want to fight. She was probably the only tribute that hadn’t killed anyone.

Taehyun lost every knife he had over the past few days.

The career seemed the most ready to fight than the other two.

The standoff dragged out for an unnecessarily long time.

“Fuck.” You muttered. Tzuyu glanced at you with curiosity.

In an attempt to help out, you sent the one thing you saved as an absolute last resort. Your secret.

Watching the small parachute floating down towards Yubin, Taehyun, and the career didn’t make it any less tense.

“I don't want to die.” Yubin declared, all of her fear and sorrow building up inside of her.

The parachute landed in between them, and on instinct, Yubin stepped backwards. Taehyun glanced at Yubin, taking a step back also as the career stepped closer to the parachute.

“I don’t want to die.” She repeated with tears welling into her eyes.

She was telling the truth in the words she spoke. You’ve seen it all before because you were there once too. You didn’t want to die when you were in the arena. Why else would you have fought that hard?

“I’m not afraid of dying.”

The truth hurts.

“I’m afraid of losing who I am.”

But secrets kill.