#i don’t personally consider myself a freak (positive)

[loverofallthingssmart]

i’m like if the beast and machine formed to make an insane scientist

[lostgirlmuseum]

The Signal

Made this using images from Pinterest ^ Word Count: 6.1k 

Pairing: Bucky x f!reader

Summary: You and Bucky get separated from the team after an unfortunate mishap, of which Bucky blames you. Except you’re not at fault! You thought… you aren’t too sure anymore.

A/N: Thank you all so much for all of the positivity on my first fic, I am actually BLOWN AWAY. You are all so kind!! I actually started writing this all the way back in February of 2022, but seeing the response gave me the motivation to finally finish it. 

Warnings: Nothing absolutely horrible, just a bit of angst and fluff(?), plus a little gaslighting and violence.

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“Everything is going to be okay. We’re fine. Everything is fine. Everything–” She repeated the mantra over and over again, not quite believing it.

“Will you shut up?” Bucky growled. 

Only an hour prior had both of them been sneaking through a dense forest and scoping out a running ex-HYDRA base deep in the frozen woods. Steve, Bucky, Natasha, Sam, and Y/N were used to missions like this, except this one required a higher level of subtlety and a successful sneak attack was critical. Their intel informed them that the base was rigged to blow if any unrecognized technology was detected, including any disturbances in the radio waves. Because of this, they all turned off their communications signals once they approached the range of the base. At least, they were supposed to.

“I’m just trying to keep myself from freaking out.” She grumbled, slightly trailing behind Bucky as they crunched through the brittle layer of snow.

“Why? You should be freaking out. You should very much be freaking out right now. Considering we’re stranded in the middle of nowhere, with no connection to anyone who can help, and I’m stuck with you.” He recognized he was being cruel, but he didn’t have the strength to stop.

“It wasn’t my fault!” 

“The sooner you stop lying to yourself, the better.” Bucky responded without even looking over his shoulder. He hadn’t looked at her for the majority of their trek to the nearest safe house since they got separated from the rest of the group by the explosion.

“This is not my damn fault! I turned off my signal, just like Steve told us to.” She struggled to keep up with him, but she wouldn’t tell him that. She couldn’t show him any weakness–he’d just use it against her.

“Except you didn’t!”

“How are you so sure it was me? There were five of us!” She awkwardly jogged to get a bit ahead of him, and turned around to face him as she walked backward. “What makes you think it wasn’t you?”

“Please, like I would ever be so careless.” His gaze remained on the terrain ahead, and it looked like the trees of the woods were starting to thin out, signaling an exit soon.

“And I would?”

“Yes! Yes, you would. I knew from the start it was a bad idea to take you along. You can’t even follow simple instructions like turning off a signal.” He managed to pass her again, leaving her to struggle to stay next to him. He saw out of the corner of his eye her pointing a finger at him.

“I’m trying really hard not to take your attitude personally. You’ve been acting like a dick for the past week, but I’m sick of it.”

“Whatever you say, sweetheart.” 

“Don’t call me that.”

“Sweetheart?” He finally glanced at her. 

“Yes.”

“Why? Is it reserved for Steve?” Bucky’s eyes quickly returned to the path in front of him.

“What are you on about?” Genuine confusion laced her voice, but her question went unanswered as they reached a block in their path. 

“Y’know your genius safe house plan?” Bucky gestured to the map balled up in her hand, the thing they had been using to guide them to safety. “Well, looks like we’re here.”

“This can’t be right,” she shook her head, quickly unfolding the map, “maybe we got turned around.”

“Just look up.” 

She followed Bucky’s gaze to the sky, at which she finally realized the ridiculousness of their situation. They were stranded at the bottom of a steep cliff, which looked to stand nearly a hundred feet in the sky.

“You’ve got to be kidding.” Because who the fuck puts a safe house on top of a cliff? “There’s got to be an elevator or something, there’s no way we’re expected to climb this.”

They both scanned the base of the cliff, looking for any indication of a secret passage to the top. She ran her hand along the jagged rock and ice, and bit her bottom lip as she concentrated on the wall, eventually spotting a thick rope among a couple vines. 

“Shit.” 

Her voice gained Bucky’s attention, and he looked over to see her holding not one, but two ropes, each attached to a relatively large weaved basket. It wasn’t quite big enough for the two of them, but one person could definitely fit. 

“After you,” he mocked, gesturing to the basket that was meant to work as a (sketchy as hell) pulley system.

Instead of answering, she merely pointed to the inside of the damp basket. Bucky peered his head over to see the bottom had completely fallen apart, leaving a gaping hole where a person would supposedly stand. 

“Looks like we’re climbing.” Bucky sighed.

“I can’t–” 

“Afraid of heights?” He snapped.

“No, but–” 

“Good. Then there shouldn’t be a problem.” 

He grabbed a knife from his belt and efficiently cut both sides of the rope from the basket. She watched, dumbfounded, as he took one rope and tied it around his waist. Then, he gave the rope a hard tug, and satisfied by the lack of give, turned to his belt and grabbed three more knives. He grabbed duct tape out of his tac pants, and expertly taped one knife to the bottom of each shoe. Finally, he tossed her the duct tape, knowing she already had her own knives. She watched both impressed and annoyed as he firmly stuck his feet as best he could into the ice and rock of the cliff, and used the other knives in his hands as leverage.

He made it about ten feet up before glancing back down to see she hadn’t moved.

“Are you coming or what?” The impatience of his voice stung almost as much as the cold did her nose. 

She looked at him, then the rope, and then the knives attached to her legs, before making a move. Unlike Bucky, her combat boots came equipped with hidden spikes that could be used for climbing (although she had never used them for such activity, and normally used them as a treat when fighting, basking in the pride of catching her enemies off guard with a swift kick and metal spike to the face, groin, etc). She adjusted the spikes to be poking out of the toe of her boots, and tried not to think as she grabbed the second rope and knotted it around her waist. 

Ignoring her left hand, she grabbed only one knife opposed to Bucky’s two, and stabbed it into the ice. She cautiously looked down at her feet as she began her climb, and looked back up at her hand as she found purchase a foot above her head. Already exhausted from the fighting and explosion earlier, she winced at the tension in her right arm as she pulled herself up. 

At the slow pace she was going, Bucky was already 15 feet in the air by the time she was 3 feet off the ground.

Bucky looked down to see her far behind, and raised an eyebrow when he saw her climbing with only one hand.

“You’re supposed to use both hands, you know?” He mocked.

She rolled her eyes, but said nothing, as she let her left hand join her right hand on the handle of the knife protruding from the rock. Bucky noticed her silent grimace as she successfully pulled herself up to the next level. He continued to watch as she stiffly removed her right foot from the wall and placed it above her left foot, before once again grabbing the single knife with both her hands and pulling for a second before letting out an agonizing cry.

Out of curiosity more than frustration, he called down.

“What’s going on down there?” 

She briefly looked up at him before looking back at the ground, “I can’t climb.”

“Missed the training day on it?” 

His sarcasm went unappreciated as she growled.

“My wrist is broken, asshole.”

Her wrist is broken, and she’s climbing? What is she thinking?

“And you’re still trying to climb? You should’ve told me.” 

“I fucking tried telling you! But everytime I try to say something, you interrupt me! Constantly! Besides, what’s the point in telling you if you’re just going to brush it off?”

Bucky swiftly removed the knives in his hands from the cliff, and held onto his rope, before half-hopping and half-climbing down the wall to the ground.

“Bucky, just go,” she sighed, “I’ll figure something else out. I’m not going to be a burden on you.”

She said it in part because, yes, she didn’t want to burden him, but also because she didn’t want to hear his whiny complaints.

He ignored her protests and gently reached for her left hand, inspecting the incredibly swollen wrist. He winced at her soft whimper. He let go and simply looked at her.

“Hop down.” 

She didn’t like that he was ordering her around, but his voice was void of any emotion, and out of curiosity and self preservation skills, she obeyed.

“C’mon.” Bucky turned around so his back faced her.

After a couple moments of silence, he looked over his shoulder to see her face twisted in confusion.

“C’mon now, just get on.” He repeated, squatting down a bit more. “You’re going to have to hold on tight.”

Ignoring the absurdity of the situation, she did her best to climb onto his back, at which point he gently grabbed her non-injured arm and wrapped it around his neck to encourage her to not be afraid to cling to him.

After what likely was about twenty minutes of climbing in utter silence, minus the whipping of the cool wind, Bucky made the mistake of looking down. The good news was that they were almost at the top–probably about a quarter of the climb left. The bad news was that meant that they had already climbed about 75 feet, and despite Bucky’s fearless persona, he was not fearless.

“Fuck.” He whispered.

“What’s wrong?” She rested her chin on his right shoulder.

“Nothing… I just didn’t realize how high up we were.” He grimaced the moment he said it. He’d shown weakness. He’d given her ammo. “Gonna make fun of me now?” He started to shake just a little, and prayed that she would assume it was because of the cold and not his anxiety…even though it had been cold for the entirety of the climb.

“No.” She stated.

His head started to spin from the memories. He tried to push through it, but all he could think about was the first time he was this high up. It was as cold as this too. He felt as his left arm subconsciously twitched. 

The first time I was this high up, I still had two human arms.

A sweet voice interrupted his thoughts. 

“I think I can see the compound from here.” 

It was a stupid joke, but he couldn’t help but laugh a little.

“You know, I’m pretty scared of the ocean.” She continued.

He didn’t respond, unsure of where she was going with this. He continued to pull themselves up.

“Just deep water in general scares me. My brother always made fun of me for it.” 

Don’t look down, Bucky. Don’t look–

“One time when I was like–fifteen? I think? My family took a trip to this really big lake. We got on one of those pontoon boats and went out into the water.”

He was glad that she was so close to him, otherwise the whipping of the wind would’ve been too loud to hear her calming voice.

“My brother thought he was really funny, and told me to look over the edge of the boat while we were still in motion.”

He tried to grunt to indicate he was listening, but no noise came out.

“He pushed me right as my dad started speeding up. I fell in, and freaked out. Especially as I watched the boat leave me behind.”

He continued to listen to her and focused on her voice, and the vibrations. Her tone was casual, but he couldn’t help but sense she was telling him a secret.

“Luckily, my mom saw what happened, and got my dad to turn around.” She chuckled. “He claimed he was trying to help me get over my fear. But I got my revenge later that day, so it was fine.”

“What’d you do?” Bucky finally spoke up.

“Well, he’s afraid of peanut butter.” She tried to shrug, despite having one arm around his neck and the other hanging limply. 

“Do you mean allergic?”

“No, I mean afraid. The stuff freaks him out. He won’t go near it. He’s weird like that.” She sighed in remembrance, and continued.

“So once we got back to the house I grabbed some peanut butter, and slathered it into his hair when he wasn’t looking.”

Bucky looked up again and was surprised to see how close they were to the top. When did that happen?

“He screamed so loud–it was hilarious.” She smiled. “He ran to take a shower, flailing around and being dramatic. ‘Mom! She put peanut butter in my hair! My hair! Mommy, get it out!’” 

Worried that Bucky was judging her, she quickly added,

“He was seventeen at the time, by the way.”

Still no answer.

“I don’t think he’s forgiven me yet.” She whispered more to herself than Bucky, but he still nodded as he grabbed at the top of the cliff.

“We’re here.” Bucky didn’t mean for his voice to come across gruff, but the cold wasn’t helping his throat. 

“Thank you for carrying me.” She smiled once she had both feet on the ground. It didn’t reach her eyes, but he could still tell she meant it.

Slightly embarrassed, Bucky attempted to grumble out a ‘Thank you for distracting me,’ but he wasn’t sure she heard it.

Come on, you can do better than that Barnes. Just apologize to her, he thought.

“Listen, I know I’ve been acting like a–”

Bucky’s words were cut off by a mysterious and sudden mangled…shriek?

“Oh my God, Bucky.” She patted his arm to get him to turn around.

He obliged, and his eyes became saucers when he saw what had made the noise. 

At the top of the cliff was a partially snowy but also grassy plateau, inhabited by a herd of roaming goats. So, so many goats. 

“Look at all the goats!” She gasped.

Right as she had said it, one goat had snuck up to them and started biting at Bucky’s prosthetic. 

“Get off,” he quelled his shock and grumbled as he shook the animal off of his hand.

“Aw, it likes you.” She giggled, falling to her knees to pet the goat—more like ‘goats’, plural, because the animals seemed to multiply, and fast. 

“Let’s get inside. We need to fix that wrist.”

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Beside the disturbingly large population of goats, and the absurd location of the safe house, the house itself was fine. Well, it was shaped more like a barn, but it was decorated like a house. After coaxing Y/N away from the “adorable” (her words, not Bucky’s) goats, and inside, Bucky led Y/N to the forest green rug where he had started a fire in the fireplace. 

When he finished briefly looking around, Bucky grabbed some ice that had frozen outside the barn and wrapped it in a cloth from the kitchen. With her permission, Bucky carefully placed the ice pack where he saw the most bruising around her wrist. 

“So,” Bucky had settled himself across from her, so they could face each other as they talked. He couldn’t help the pang of sadness he felt as she stood up and backed away to sit on the couch.

She wouldn’t move away if I were Steve, he thought, staring into the fire. They’d probably cuddle up together like they do on the couch during movie nights at the tower. 

Y/N didn’t want to move away from Bucky, especially now that he was being amicable again. But the heat from the flames was melting the ice that cradled her wrist, and she didn’t want to add ‘soggy’ to her list of problems.

“So?” She asked, noticing Bucky never finished his thought.

“I’m just thinking about the logistics of this. There’s a high possibility we could be stuck here anywhere from a week to a month. Your signal was fried in the blast too, right?”

She nodded, and released her right hand from holding the ice, letting it balance on her wrist, as she reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out her signal. Definitely fried. 

He pulled out his own signal from where he had kept it in his pants pocket, and showed her how it was crushed. “Well, without our signals, our team can’t track us. We just have to hope that they’ll figure out that we made it to a safe house, and that they don’t check this one last. Because I’m pretty sure there are at least two more safehouses dedicated to the vicinity of the Hydra base, right?”

She nodded. “We got unlucky with this one.”

“First thing we need to worry about,” he raised his eyebrows, trying to gain her attention, “is food. I looked at the kitchen pretty quickly and there’s not that much stuff stocked. A couple cans of beans, and such. Not nearly enough for how long we’re going to be here though. So unless we want to climb back down again, and see if we can find any food anywhere…”

She squinted and tilted her head as if she was a confused puppy.

“We’re going to have to kill a goat.” He finished.

Her eyes went comically wide. “I am not letting you kill Cheetoh!”

Bucky shook his head, exasperated, “You’ve already named them?”

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The longer they were there, the worse the winds got. But that didn’t stop Bucky from hearing the strange overlap of whipping winds, leading him to lean into the noise from his spot on the couch. 

“Do you hear that?” Bucky nudged her.

“It sounds like the wind got a lot worse,” She nodded.

“No, something’s off.”

At Bucky’s concern, Y/N got up off the couch and beat him to the doors. She looked at Bucky, who stood directly behind her, before pushing hard to get the sliding door to budge. Instantly the biting cold attacked them again, and she had to place her right arm over her forehead to keep her hair from whipping into her eyes. Everything outside seemed to be an array of grays, until she was able to spot a shadowy figure emerge from the settling fog. A person appeared, as well as a helicopter.

“Sam?” She called, hoping her voice carried far enough to be heard above the wind.  

“Y/N! Bucky! Thank god you guys are okay,” Sam called back, and was quickly met by Y/N who had run the rest of the distance to meet him. Bucky was shortly behind. 

“I’ve never been so happy to see your face, Sam.” She giggled, setting her right hand appreciatively on his shoulder. 

Quickly spotting Steve exiting the chopper, Bucky hid a scowl as he watched Y/N light up and bound over to the bundled up blond, while calling, “Steve!” He wished he had looked away before seeing her pull him in for a hug.

Wanting to distance himself from the interaction, Bucky stood by Sam.

“How did you find us so fast?” Bucky shook his head, and raised his voice, as the wind started to pick up again. 

“My signal, man.” Sam yelled back, despite being three feet apart. 

“What?” Bucky wondered if he heard him right. 

Sam reached into the left pocket of Bucky’s under jacket, and pulled out a small familiar looking device. 

Bucky felt a punch to the gut as he suddenly remembered.

The group had just landed the quinjet deep into the forest. They couldn’t land too close to the base and risk setting off alarms, so they settled for a three mile hike away. Bucky and Sam were meant to approach from the north side, while Steve, Natasha, and Y/N planned to approach from the south side, so the group split off after the jet to take opposite round-a-bout paths. It was about two miles left to go when Sam started complaining. 

“Dude, does this thing actually fit in your ear?” Sam gestured to the communications device in his hand. “Because it keeps falling out. It’s getting on my nerves.”

Bucky gave a short grunt, which Sam translated to a ‘yes, it does fit in my ear.’

“I can’t,” Sam finally huffed, “I give up. I don’t have any pockets, can you hold this so I don’t lose it?” 

Simply wishing for Sam to shut up, he obliged, and shoved the tiny device into his pocket for safe keeping. Neither of them thought to turn it off first, because in their minds, and past experiences, it always stays turned on in the field. Excluding the moments when people turn them off in acts of defiance. 

About a mile later, both men heard a small rustling to their right. In hindsight, it was probably just a rabbit, but Sam suggested he go check it out, just in case. That’s what led to the two splitting up, but Bucky wasn’t worried. He knew that if there was a problem, Sam would’ve made it clear immediately. He also knew that Sam knew his way to the base all on his own. 

Bucky arrived at his location at the same time that Steve’s voice buzzed in his ear. At this point, the extra signal was long forgotten. 

“We’re in position.” Steve’s voice rattled. 

“10-4.” Bucky responded. 

“Alright, going dark now. Turn off your comms, let’s go.” 

Steve’s voice was followed by the soft beep of Bucky’s signal as he turned it off. 

He didn’t realize Sam’s signal was still active in his pocket.

“It was just bad luck dude, don’t feel too bad. I should’ve turned it off before I gave it to you, and I shouldn’t have assumed you’d turn it off yourself.” Sam tried to hide his pity with a half-smile.

“I–I was the leak?” Bucky whispered right as the wind started to calm again. He stared at the small device as Sam hid it in the pocket of his own coat. If only Sam had worn that on the way to the base.

“Yeah,” Sam said at a normal level now that the noise had nearly ceased, “but everyone’s safe now, that’s all that matters.” Sam reassuringly pat Bucky’s shoulder twice before looking back at Steve helping Y/N into the chopper.

Bucky let out a short hum, and focused on the ground. He wanted to crush that stupid little signal. He hated the way it made his chest feel tight, and his heart heavy with guilt. 

Sam’s voice interrupted Bucky’s thoughts.

“Those are a lot of goats, man.”

Before Bucky could respond, Steve appeared in front of them.

“Hey Buck,” Steve smiled, pulling him in for a quick hug, “I’m glad we found you so fast. Are you injured at all?” Steve pulled back to examine Bucky’s form.

“No, I’m fine,” Bucky swiftly assured, before feeling the throbbing of guilt consume him again, “but Y/N’s wrist is broken.”

“Don’t worry, I know. I already told her I’d take her straight to medical once we get back. Speaking of, we should get going.”

“Right.” 

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Three hours later, the group made it back to New York. As the ramp lowered, Bucky quietly pulled Steve aside.

“I can walk Y/N to med.” He nodded to where she was sitting, staring off into space.

“You sure?” Steve struggled to hide the surprise in his voice.

“Yeah.” Bucky nodded.

“Okay.”

Bucky gave his friend a firm pat on the shoulder before sauntering toward Y/N, who remained in her seat.

“Come on, Y/N.” He held out his right hand, offering her to take it.

“Huh?” She blinked twice, and stared up at him, eyebrows scrunched.

“I’m walking you to med.” 

“Oh. Okay.” She paused for a moment before standing up. “So much for being stuck for months.”

“Yeah, I guess that calculation was a bit off.”

“I’m just glad we’re back home. And that you didn’t need to kill any goats.”

“I was going to leave Cheetoh alone.”

“I don’t know if I believe you.”

The rest of their walk was relatively short, but silent, until they reached the doors of Dr. Cho. Bucky didn’t get a chance to say goodbye, as Dr. Cho was given a heads up to Y/N’s injury, and already whisked her away.

Bucky rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet for a minute, until he decided it would be uncomfortable for all parties involved if he stayed. He knew she’d be alright, he convinced himself, so there was no need to be in the way.

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A couple of the Avengers found themselves mentally recovering in the lounge, waiting for Y/N to get out of her evaluation.

“She’ll probably be out for two months. Broken wrist and all that.” Steve relayed, taking a seat on the couch.

“Two months?” Sam repeated, looking up from his bag of chips.

“I think she’s pretty bummed, so try not to mention it.”

As if on cue, Y/N entered the room.

“Hey guys,” she smiled, waving with the arm that wasn’t in a cast.

“Hey Hon. How’s the wrist?”

“Really, Tony?” Natasha glared at him.

“What?” He feigned innocence, throwing his hands in the air.

“It’s fine guys. It doesn’t hurt that bad, I’m more embarrassed than anything.” 

“Embarrassed by what? I think that cast makes you look tough.” Sam added, doing his best to cheer others up as always. “And hey, you and Bucky can be twins now.”

“Yeah, kinda. Look at that Buck!” She lifted her left arm in the direction of Bucky, who had been silently brooding in the corner. The bulk could be seen under the fabric of her hoodie, but she felt the need to emphasize the point by taking the pullover off.

She first tried tugging the sleeve off her cast, but it was a bit too snug. After a couple more moments of failing, she switched tactics to just pulling off the hoodie from over her head, but that got her stuck in an awkward position too.

After a second too long of borderline uncomfortable silence and shuffling, Steve spoke up.

“Do you want help with that?”

“Nope, I got it. Just gimme- a second…” 

Somehow she had gotten the garment twisted around her right arm and upper body.

“Hon, just let us-” Tony started, but was quickly cut off.

“You know what? It’s suddenly cold again. There’s a weird draft over here.” Y/N quickly tugged the hoodie back down and gave a weary smile. “I’m going to go to my room.”

She ran off before anyone could offer an opinion. Unsurprisingly, Steve was the first to speak.

“I’m going to go check on her.”

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A soft knock came to her door.

“Come in.”

“Hey, Y/N.” Steve gave a sympathetic smile as he gently closed the door behind him.

“Hi Steve, what’s up?” She looked fine, but he could hear the strain in her voice.

“Nothing, I just wanted to make sure you were alright.” He stood in front of where she sat at the edge of the bed.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just got a little frustrated, it’s no big deal.” She shrugged it off, avoiding his eye line.

“It’s okay to feel frustrated.” 

“I know. I shouldn’t though. It’s my fault, anyways.”

“How so?”

She cast her gaze to the floor and swept a hand through her hair.

“Well, I think the whole reason we were ambushed was because of me.”

“What? Why would you say that?”

She took a deep breath.

“After Bucky and I got stranded after the attack, I was sure it wasn’t my fault. But then he started saying things, and they were mean… but he was also right. I started second guessing myself, and I thought about it. I mean, out of all of us, I’m the newest. And I was so sure that I turned my signal off…but now I don’t know. I can’t remember. And if it really is my fault they found us, then it’s my fault that fight happened, and it’s my own doing that this—” she pointed to her cast, “happened. I just feel stupid.”

“You weren’t the leak, Y/N.”

“What?”

“It was an accident. Bucky was carrying an extra signal, and no one thought to turn it off.”

“Bucky?” She looked bewildered, shaking her head at this fact.

“Yes.”

“Does he know?”

“Um…I’m not sure. I didn’t tell him. We never had a proper briefing after the chaos derailed our schedule when we got back.”

“I have to go find him.” Her shock turned to a quiet determination of which Steve decided not to push her on.

“Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you still want your hoodie off?”

“Yes please.”

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“Buck, wait up!”

Bucky slowed his jog around the track to a stop when he heard her voice.

“Y/N?”

“Hey.” She gave him a sweet smile once she caught up, one he felt undeserving of.

“Is there something you need?” 

“No. I just had to tell you something.”

“I’m listening.” He nodded, crossing his arms. He didn’t mean it in a defensive way, it just happened.

“First of all, you should know it’s not your fault.”

“What?” 

“I just found out how we got ambushed, and I figured I should tell you.”

“Oh.” He fought the urge to look away.

“Sam gave you his signal, right? But it was never turned off. It was just an accident. But I needed to tell you, because I know you’re going to blame yourself when they tell everyone at the briefing.” Her concerned tone and eyes met him for the briefest second before he wiped his hands down his face.

“I feel like an asshole.”

“No, please don’t.” She softly touched his elbow.

“I’m going to be honest Y/N, I thought you were going to take it a lot worse.”

“What do you mean?”

“When you found out that it was me. I was worried you were going to get really mad.”

“Wait, you already knew?”

“Yeah? Sam told me right when he found us…I thought you knew I knew, isn’t that why you just told me all that?”

“I thought you didn’t know. I wanted to be the one to tell you before the briefing, to tell you not to worry about it, because I knew you’d take it hard. But–but you already knew?”

Bucky just stared, jaw dropped at a loss for words.

“And–” She scoffed, “—and you didn’t tell me?!”

“Y/N, I-” 

“Don’t ‘Y/N’, me! You—you, jerk! I can’t believe you knew all this time that you were the leak, and after belittling me and convincing me it was my fault, you didn’t tell me the truth!” She laughed in disbelief. “You selfish, cold-hearted, dickhead!”

He wasn’t sure what to say, but it didn’t matter, because she kept going.

“I’m stuck off missions for the next two months with a broken wrist, and you let me think it was my own doing! You made me feel like an idiot!”

“I was going to tell you—”

“When? After I was already told at the meeting? I can’t believe you!” She turned around briefly as if she couldn’t even face him, but quickly turned back. “To think I felt bad for you when I found out it was you who got us ambushed!”

With each insult she managed to get a little closer to him. So close, in fact, that Bucky was struggling to even comprehend what she was saying anymore. All he could think of was how close he was to her, how his hands were just itching to grab her waist. His head was nearly empty when he finally did carefully grab her and pull her closer to him. She paused her rampage to look up into his adoring eyes at his sudden movement.

“Bucky?” She whispered, a swirl of confusion and intrigue.

He replied by placing his lips gently on hers, feeling the warmth of her touch. She reciprocated, kissing him back for a couple seconds before bringing her hands to his chest to furiously push him away, followed by a swift slap to the face.

“Jeez-” The sudden change from bliss to reality was shocking.

“I can’t believe you James!” She yelled, her flustered look from both the kiss and her rage. “I can’t believe you just kissed me! I have a right to be angry, fuck you for thinking you can shut me up by locking my lips!”

‘Shit, I messed up,” he starts to think, about to spew apologies, when he gets cut off by her grasping his hoodie in her hand and pulling him back in for another kiss. The moment his shock subsides and he sinks back into the waves of her kiss, he’s just as abruptly taken from it, head dizzy as she parts from him just to slap him across the cheek again.

“Ow! What was that for?” He brings his hand to the sting. He’s so dazed and confused, a hurricane of thoughts and emotions all fighting for his attention.

“You make me so mad! I’m fuming right now! You are so selfish—”

She cuts herself off, pulling him in for another kiss, one that he’s still not prepared for. His frustration rising at her antics, he brings both hands to either side of her face and holds her steadily against him, resulting in their first kiss that lasted longer than five seconds. When he finally feels her about to let go for breath, he lets his lips leave hers, and continues to cradle her head, their foreheads resting against each other as they both gasp for breath. 

“You’re not going to slap me again, are you?” He carefully asks, looking into her eyes.

“No.” 

“You’re sure?”

“No.”

He laughs and slowly lets go of her.

“You okay?”

After a few seconds of silence, she responds with hurt. “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“I’ve already given you enough reason to hate me, I was sure that if you found out I was the leak, you’d finally hate me for good.”

“I don’t hate you Bucky. I always figured you kind of hated me. Lately you’ve been acting kind of like-”

“A dick, I know,” he nods. “And I’m sorry for that. Really, I am. It’s just-” Bucky’s voice seizes as she sees him look intensely at her mouth.

“It’s what?”

“Can I please kiss you again?”

She slowly nods, and allows Bucky to kiss her for the fourth time. It was fucking heaven to him. Regardless, he abruptly pulls back when a thought crosses his mind.

“Shit, what about Steve?”

“What about Steve?”

“Don’t you like each other?” 

She couldn’t help but think his concern was cute, the way he acted like he was talking about middle school crushes.

“Bucky, no,” she laughs, “Steve and I have just always been really good friends. You know, when people are nice to each other, and they like to hang around each other?”

“I just always thought that-”

“Never. He’s my friend. And I can guarantee you he feels the same as me.”

She lets him process the information, watching him nod to himself as if taking it in.

“Oh.”

“Are you jealous?” She smirks, giving him a flirty shove.

His cheeks go pink as he starts to stutter.

“Jea- jealous? No, not jealous. Just-”

Was he jealous? Was it emasculating to admit it? It doesn’t matter, he doesn’t care, he’s sick of lying.

“Okay, maybe I was a little bit jealous.” He mumbled, drawing his attention to a pebble on the ground that he was toeing. “So, you do like me, right?” 

She lifts his chin upwards and gives him the softest, sweetest, slowest peck. 

“Does that answer your question?” She flutters.

“I think so. But the slapping earlier was a bit confusing.” He teased.

“Sorry about that.”

“It’s alright, it was well deserved.”

“No, I still shouldn’t have hit you.” She said with certainty. “But I am still a little bit upset that you didn’t tell me.”

“Doll, I know I should’ve told you that you weren’t the leak. I wish–”

“No,” she shakes her head, “I’m upset you never told me how you felt about me. Instead you acted-”

“Like a dick, I know–”

“No, I was going to say like a child. But yeah, a dick, too.”

They just stood together for that moment, appreciating the start of something new. New, and beautiful, with a lot less animosity, and a lot more kisses.

A/N: If you’ve made it this far, thank you, thank you, thank you! I hope you liked it. If you feel like it, please lemme know your thoughts! I hope you have a peaceful day/night 💕

[coupleoffanfics]

Gotham Isekaied Reader

I have an idea. It's nothing new. I wrote nearly 5 pages of this idea, but I'm too scared to post it since it's filler and I even drew a cover. So I will ramble about this idea through headcanon. Some Jerome x Reader, I’m sorry. I can’t help myself. CW: One mention of suicide.

y/n wakes up to find that her life has gotten a major upgrade. Any flaws that her family has is erased. Did mom drink away stress? Now she doesn’t even touch alcohol. Dad isn’t smoking away his life. Her older brother is a law-abiding citizen who is studying to become a lawyer. Her younger brother is more positive about life and growing up in a home that they wished they had.

Not to mention that they’re rich. She no longer lives in a bad neighborhood and sleeps in a snazzy mansion.

Life is looking up until y/n turns on the TV with a news story about a man killing corrupt people with weather balloons.

She sits there thinking, ‘This was nice, but I should be getting back home.’

Maybe y/n’s close friends with Bruce beforehand. That’s when she realizes that she has to learn about the other y/n’s life. She can’t risk telling anyone about “we’re in a shitty TV show” without everyone considering throwing her into a mental institution. Tough luck because she ends up in Arkham regardless.

She writes down plotlines that she remembers. Making files on the character that she has met. Her files are hidden away in her room and aren't brought up later down the line when a certain person finds them.

How y/n ends up in Arkham is complicated. I want y/n to be completely sane through our POV, so she’s not going to be “I’m so insane and quirky”. Maybe she’s framed or killed someone in self-defense. Well, okay, I have thought out what gets her thrown into Arkham, but I don’t think anyone would find it interesting.

During her trial, the prosecutor will use her history of depression and suicide attempts to paint her as a homicidal. The whole trial is fishy, yet ends with her being locked up.

Bruce believes y/n when she says she hasn't done anything and promises to get her out of there. Legally of course.

Alfred probably tries to keep Bruce from visiting because Arkham has a reputation and doesn’t want him to be anywhere near there. The poor boy is going through too much in a short amount of time. 

So Bruce will send Selina to deliver anything. Or they both run away to visit y/n. When they come back to the manor and Alfred is questioning them, they both lie by saying that they’re somewhere else.

Bruce just wants to make sure his bestie is alright. Selina is just along for the ride but might visit y/n even when she doesn’t need to.

While in Arkham y/n is vibing in her little corner when Jerome starts bugging her. Might tell him about some plotlines just to see if anyone would believe her.

Jerome just laughs it off and starts orbiting y/n because she’s interesting. She tends to ramble and mumble to herself, for some reason he finds it so cute.

“You’re kind of funny, but I wouldn’t call you a joker.” She says before thinking, ‘Because legally you aren’t him. Thanks a lot, higher-ups.’

He writes about her in his diary and uses any stickers that she gives him. ‘Yeah, she's weird. Calling people characters and saying that we aren’t real, but she’s my little weirdo. I also got another pack of Hello Kitty stickers from her.’ Then he proceeds to doodle her with crayons.

When Theo Galavan surprise adopts them, Jerome starts taking y/n’s words more seriously. Still doesn’t believe her when she says he and everyone aren’t real. Like how is that possible? He feels real, oh whatever he has no time for that.

At the manor, Bruce is freaking out and dialing Jim begging him to save his bestie from that homicidal ginner. Theo has to make it seem like y/n is a hostage since she refuses to do any killing and Jerome has scary dog privilege.

‘They aren’t real. They aren’t people.’ She’d try to tell herself, but she just can’t bring herself to try to hurt someone. y/n is one of those freaks who try to drive safely in GTA without running over anyone or anything.

She doesn’t think that her words mean anything and that everything will follow the script. Until she tells Jerome to take an extra lighter with him. She’s chilling by herself when the news shows footage of a burnt bus and the news anchor talking about the cheerleaders who lost their lives.

That’s when y/n starts thinking over everything she’s said. She debates whether or not she should tell Jerome about Theo’s betrayal.

‘The show does start declining in ratings when he’s killed off. I could be doing the writers a favor, but what about the people? No, characters. They’re just characters! They aren’t real!’

In the end, Jerome is killed off and she’s put back into Arkham. Everyone is surprised by how calm she is after Jerome’s death. Not upset or anything. Like weren’t they close? Maybe their relationship was more one-sided.

Jim will question y/n and she might let a few things slip. Most brush her words off as they believe that she has some sort of Stockholm syndrome and is angry at Theo for killing her captor.

Back at Arkham, y/n yells, “FUCK!” When seeing Hugo Strange.

When Theo is dealt with, Jim will visit her or send her a thank you card for pointing him in the right direction regarding the investigation.

I’m getting tired and I might continue writing about this.

But I was going to have y/n be free from Arkham when some evidence regarding her case comes out. y/n will be outwardly passive throughout the story.

In the end, I was going to have y/n be the one who becomes Joker. Maybe she falls into a tub of chemicals. Don’t worry darling you aren’t going to be deformed like Jeremiah at the end. You’ll look different, but still smoking hot. 😘

Anyway seeing the physical change, her dwindling hope of getting back home, and her mental state being worn out. She decides to step up and take the name of Joker.

Bruce angst all the way. Maybe angst for other characters, but I could see this tearing him apart. He’s forced to watch his closest friend be replaced by a cackling monster. To then eventually start fighting against her.

She doesn’t react to being called y/n anymore, but she’ll give Batman/Bruce a melancholy look if he calls her by that. He doesn’t call her y/n often because that wasn’t y/n. y/n l/n was dead and there was no way she was coming back.

The theory of Joker being sane will ring true to y/n. She knows this isn’t real. It’s just fiction and any good piece of fiction needs a good villain. Since she’s not making it back home, she’ll make things fun.

Or multiple endings because those are always fun.

“Jerome? Jeremiah? Never heard of them.”

[richarlotte]

More sugaring advice?

If you’re experienced, have a polished image, offer a high-class experience, and know how to present yourself, then I’d recommend requesting a donation of no less than $900. Once I really learned what I was doing, locked down my social media and focused on providing a relationship that was totally private, and made an effort to meet with men I normally wouldn’t pursue, I was able to raise my minimum to $2000 (adjusted for cost of living) and keep it very high. No woman should be settling for a PPM that’s less than $600; that’s ridiculous and a total ripoff. Do not waste your time with time wasters, hobbyists, or freaks.

 

Vetting is important, but that doesn’t mean digging into people’s personal lives. It’s obviously really important to make sure that you’re keeping yourself safe, but high-profile clients aren’t going to want you to dig through every aspect of their lives. Discretion is key, and if you do find something unsavoury about someone, cut that person off and add him to the blacklist. NDAs and confidentiality agreements aren’t as popular as you’d think, but when they do happen, be sure that you’re not setting yourself up to get taken advantage of in the long run.

 

If you want to prove a truly high-class experience, you need to be willing to do a lot to conform to the image you’re expected to conform to, and you have to be careful with how you act, how you speak, and what you do. If you are in situations with alcohol, make sure you can handle yourself and make sure that you don’t get sloppy drunk. Know the dress code before you go and adhere to it, keep the conversations flowing naturally, and don’t force connections that aren’t going to work. If you’re meeting businessmen, then you have to be business minded, if you’re meeting lawyers, then you have to know the law, and you have to be able to adapt and work with the situations that you find yourself in.

 

There is not one image that men are looking for when it comes to black women. I see so many posts that push the bougie stereotype, but that’s not the only image that’s desired. I have met so many men and succeeded when I’m myself; men absolutely love being around someone who’s bubbly, positive, and able to handle herself. You have to figure out what you want to do but understand that you can’t constantly be updating and rebranding. If you’re young now and plan on being in the game for a number of years, start out with an image that you can work with and that will age naturally. Whatever you do must seem graceful, not forced. Being black means you have to work with the gifts you have been given.

 

Never bring work too close to home. These men should not know your full name or home address; they shouldn’t know how to find you when they want to, they shouldn’t have access to your real social media accounts, and you should be very concerned about your privacy. Do not let men you don’t know pick you up and take you to a second location, don’t let men come near your apartment building or office, consider working in the nearest major city to you instead of staying in your city, and always carry protection on you. Every woman should read The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker and research the number of women and sex workers who are attacked yearly before they don’t take their own safety seriously.

[candywife333]

Limping Seven Days a Week

A quick Drabble inspired by a very unexpected side of Jungkook. 

This is part of an entire Drabble series based on his recent music release. It is rather mortifying how many fics I came up with just in relation to his new song. I had to exorcise the demons out of my head that were inspired by the explicit version. Hope you guys enjoy!

Disclaimer: As usual, everything in  the fic is fictional, and the behavior displayed by the character in the fic is obviously not representative of the real Jungkook. 

LINKS TO OTHER PARTS OF THE DRABBLE SERIES:

2. part 2

3. part 3

4. part 4

5. part 5

6. part 6

7. part 7

I plan to have 7 parts to the series. 

FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! Shit, where the fuck am I?

I couldn't recognize this room, it definitely wasn't mine. Only a sheet was on my body. I peeked down to see what was underneath the blanket, and I was met with the grim appearance of my boobs. When the hell did I strip?! In consternation, I looked to my right and saw a veiny arm that encircled my waist. 

That is when all the memories slammed back into my head. That doe-eyed boy who wore glasses had asked me for help walking up to his room since he had recently sprained his ankle. 

He was the same guy that stared at me 5 out of 7 days of the week that we had classes together. His name was Jungkook and we both had the same professor for Economics classes. I had never really noticed him as I myself am pretty much invisible, a true observer. Most people call me quiet, I consider myself an observer of human behavior, a true analyst on the sidelines. The regency might bestow upon me the title of Wallflower, and I would gladly accept the position. 

  I don’t really have a palpable presence except for when I am with extremely close friends. 

With my friends all bets were off, I could be a freak. But with mostly everyone that I considered to be a stranger I don’t tend to interact. I had behaved the same way with this boy who kept staring at me with an unwavering gaze, a seemingly dreamy emotion glazing his eyes . He was cute and so I had thought on multiple occasion--- when I could feel his black eyes burning into my back-- that he could probably have any girl he wanted. The only thing stopping him were his shy mannerisms, and introverted nature. So why was he staring at me?

I’m a realistic person. I am not particularly remarkable. I could be when I put in effort, but most days I just wore black Calvin sweats that I’d snatched on a sale and a long sleeve black crop top which showed a tiny sliver of skin if any. 

Not exactly a fashion icon over here if you catch my drift.

Zooming back to the present situation at hand, I saw his veiny arm making its way towards my right boob. I had noticed on prior occasions that he clearly had a fixation on them. To my utter consternation, he squeezed my breast even now. His face that had buried into the hollow between my neck and shoulder suddenly moved.

 I pretended to still be asleep, this was so freaking awkward. Definitely went down as one of the most strange events that ever happened in my life. The only other incident I had to compare this to in terms of embarrassment  was when I peed my pants in the seventh grade. That was a whole other trauma that I didn't want to delve into. 

He sniffled into my skin and I had to stop myself from jumping as I felt a pair of plush lips wetted by saliva pressing kisses on the column of my neck. Kisses morphed into bites that for some ungodly reason managed to create a tingling feeling between my legs. His teeth caught on my flesh as he suctioned his lips against my damp skin, probably leaving hickeys that wouldn't leave me for a week. 

As soon as I thought he had stopped, I felt a cold draft of air over my chest. Motherfucker had removed my freaking blanket!?! wTF? What the hell was this dude trying to do?!! I had to stop pretending sleep, otherwise this would escalate to a worse extent than just hickeys?! 

My eyes opened to see his doe eyes staring at me as his pink lips closed in around my nipple, gripping it with his teeth before he sucked at it like a baby latching on for milk. I could see his eyes flash with surprise as he didn't expect me to be awake. I gathered all my courage to face this unexpected situation. “Um, excuse me dude? Could you like let go of my nipple? I am not a mother yet, and I would prefer to not practice breast feeding you. I would like to save that privilege for my children. So could you please get your goddamn lips off my tits”?

He let go of my tit as his jaw dropped down in an O. “Now, why don’t you do me the courtesy of getting your big boy self off of me also. I’m not really built to bear heavy weights, so if you could respect my personal space, that would be great”, I continued in a curt tone. 

As soon as I could feel him slide off of me, I got off the bed to collect the clothes I had strewn on the ground right next to it. I usually cared that I was completely naked, baring my cellulite infested ass to the strong daylight. But today I had other priorities. I had to get the fuck out of here. Dude had taken my virginity without me even remembering how he did it. 

As I bent down to pick up the clothes I had located, I could feel two warm hands gripping my ass on either side. “But do you have to go? I thought we could go for round 2 since you agreed to being my wife”, he drawled in a light airy tone, as if we were discussing the menu for lunch. 

My brain was shutting down on me. I had clearly gone insane. I might be in a psychiatric ward as we speak. It was either that, or I was about the commit murder. The fuck did he mean wife?! “EXCUSE ME, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? WIFE? WI-I-IFE?! WHO FUCKING AGREED TO BE YOUR WIFE,” I screeched in an exasperated tone. 

“ALSO, GET YOUR FREAKING HANDS OFF OF ME! OTHERWISE I’LL GET A RESTRAINING ORDER ON YOU!” Just as I snatched my clothes from the floor, heading towards the direction of the door, I felt two arms that seemed more like corded chains of steel snaring my plush waist in a trap. 

“Babe, first sit down and we can talk about this. Maybe you have forgotten because of the drinks last night”, he whispered against my ear as his arms guided my naked form onto his lap. Dude didn't even have the decency to cover himself with a blanket before seating me on his thick thighs. I could feel his member slide against my wet slit as he started calmly explaining, “We decided last night that you are the one for me. My one and only. I would do anything for you. I told you about my problem and you agreed to help me and be my wife for life. You are the only one who makes me hard. I’ve been to so many doctors since I was a teen. No matter what they tried, they couldn't cure me of my erectile dysfunction”. 

He paused as he adjusted me on his lap. I could feel a stiff rod, the length of what felt like a freaking ruler pressing into my heat. He stuttered as he continued, “Se-e, this is what you do to me. You arouse me, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. 7 days a week. Every minute, every hour, every second. Before you I could never get it up. The minute I first saw you in class, I felt so ridiculously turned on I came in my pants with barely any stimulation.” 

I couldn't help moaning as his member started to swell and pierce my heat. He pushed his length into me slowly. I got startled and tried getting off his lap but he was so ridiculously strong that he had my wrists locked in front of me in his tight hold. I couldn't stop mewling as he fed his member into me as his thighs shifted and contracted to get my pelvis into the right position.He was hitting every sensitive part of my walls as he bottomed out. This man was literally hitting my cervix. I wouldn’t be able to survive this dude. I could feel it in my bones. 

As soon as I bottomed down onto his length, he started rocking me up and down his length with the sheer power of his thighs. “Listen, sweetheart. You are it for me. I am addicted to you. As soon as I saw you in class I couldn’t keep my eyes off of you. I love the little laugh you make when you see  the roses in the school courtyard. I love how you helped me off the floor when I tripped onto the tile on my first day here, how you patted me on my head and handed me my books. I love how you dance in the rain, how you kiss the little kitten that walks around campus looking for an owner. I love when you take a sip of coffee and moan in satisfaction. I love how your waist curves into your hips and how I can grasp this pudge right here below your belly button for support. I love how your thighs and legs grip me around my hips as I’m fucking into you, even though you are trying to leave me. I love how your tight pussy wraps around me and gives me life. You can’t leave me, because you are my life.” 

Even as I objected trying to stop him, resisting his movements, he continued undulating his hips as he slid me up and down his length. My hands that were resisting fell slack as I couldn't control my moans and his big hands came to my boobs to massage them, pinching and flicking the taut tips. Before I could catch my breath, I felt warmth climbing up my core as I reached a pinnacle and my pussy convulsed around him . My vision went white as everything became blurry. 

“Let my fuck you right baby. Let me be your man. Please don’t ever leave me. I wouldn’t be able to handle it”, he moaned into my ear as I could feel his length twitch and spill warmth into me. “I know both of us were drunk last night, but please give me a chance.” 

I stared at him, dazed out of my mind at how I ended up with him in the first place. He had only ever been an acquaintance, and now he was professing his love? I was his life? “What do you want me to do though, marry you? Because I am the only one in the entire world who turns you on? You expect me to believe this bullshit. How the hell is that even possible?! ”, I cried out in confusion.

He grinned as his round cheeks shook with glee and his doe eyes glittered with incandescent happiness, as though he had won a million dollars cash prize, “Yes. You are the only person who I want to fuck. Ever. For the rest of my life. Please help me and be my wife. Wait just one minute.” He bent down to retrieve what looked like a little blue velvet box.

  I was so exhausted. Like I had run a freaking marathon. I just wanted to run back to my room to sleep in and take a warm bath. This man took my virginity, fucked me so many times I couldn't even remember, and now wanted to continue fucking me to my early grave for the rest of my life, legally, as I was chained to him in holy fucking matrimony? hELL, TO THE FUCKING NO!

I jumped up with a sudden burst of energy, traumatized by a vision of him fucking me to death. Before he could turn around with the box, I limped out of the door uncaring of my naked state. I HAD TO GET AWAY FROM THIS PSYCHO!! THE HELL DID HE WANT WITH ME? I couldn’t handle 7 days a week, no weekends, no break, no bonuses, no holidays. My poor pussy would shrivel up and die. 

It was already looking like he had disabled me. I could barely walk without wincing in pain. I threw my long shirt over my head as I scurried out of the front door looking behind my back worried that he would follow. As I hobbled out like a hag onto the sidewalk, I heard a shrill scream and what sounded like sobs as he shrieked, “PLEASE COME BACK! THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, YOU CAN’T LEAVE ME! I WILL FUCK YOU RIGHT, I WILL DO BETTER! PLEASE JUST GIVE ME A CHANCE”.

He wouldn’t fuck me again, If I could help it. I didn’t want to be a vegetable anytime soon. 

[o0o0thorn0o0o]

I be back.

Images by themselves below the cut because I spent way too much time on them + text because I’ve been gone for a while—‘course I got a lotta say.

It’s certainly been a while, eh? I did this last cour, too, and I swear to God if I do this for the next cour… Worst part is, I haven’t even watched it yet this time, rip :,) Will definitely do sometime later today, for sure, for sure.

So, I meant to get this done for IchiHime week (and look at how that turned out, haha), but not only was July a month full of pleasure, but it was also full of pain work. I was bordering a D for Orgo, so I spent a good portion prioritizing that—and it wasn’t for naught! Not only did I pass, but I went from a C- to a B! A freaking B, not even a B-!!! I’m still so shocked… I also ended up with over a 100 for lab, but I honestly kinda expected that. I’m just so glad I graduated without failing Orgo 2. Was infinitely better than Orgo 1, but goodbye, will never see you again. If I ever do, it’ll be too soon… Had hella good professors, though. That, I will say.

I go from ranting about Orgo to raving, even though it’s almost been a month… Oops ^^” The grade just still makes me so giddy, haha. Anyway, been mainly prioritizing drawing this (plus a part two to this, which I do have done as well, but I will be posting that sometime later today), though I did spend a good portion of the first half of this month rebooting my personal writing club. Enough about where I’ve been—let’s talk about the piece, shall we?

So, this was originally just an art idea I knew I wanted to do later, and when I saw what the first prompt was, it automatically came to the forefront of my mind. That, plus with the idea I eventually got for the second prompt, I really just had to. I actually probably could’ve gotten this done in a more reasonable time, but, see, when things are just an idea, I don’t put too, too much thought into them—only enough to consider them neat or substantial or something.

When it actually came to it, I found myself at a dilemma of just how faithful I wanted to stick with Orihime’s confession. Originally, I thought about incorporating the five specific things she mentioned into different past lives, but then I realized the timelines wouldn’t really make sense with what I was going for, especially considering Soul Society and stuff, which I had not thought about. So I kinda had to choose between previous lives or parallel lives. I initially went with the latter, but… idk, last minute, like the week of, I decided after checking the prompt list one more time that, nah, I definitely wanted previous lives. So, uh… yeah… I might still end up making a parallel lives version of this in the future, ‘cause I did like those ideas, too. We’ll see.

Anyway, I did try to make them at least somewhat reminiscent of the five things: Orihime and Hikoboshi are related to the astronaut thing ‘cause of space and stars and stuff. Heian Period IchiHime, well, it’s a bit of stretch, but I couldn’t really fit donuts in here since the timeline between them and the introduction of ice cream and the current timeline would’ve made one/two of these lives tragically short without even factoring in Soul Society—nothing wrong with tragedy, but not for this post, haha. So I went with small Chinese cakes ‘cause they’re a sweet? And they’d definitely be a very rare and special treat, so… idk.

Shinigami IchiHime’s also a bit of a stretch? You’d think I’d have the easiest time with being a teacher sometime in history, but I ended up sticking it here, and I was adamant I wanted to draw them in their academy days. So, you’ve got Orihime teaching Ichigo some kido techniques or something, idk. Maybe there’s also a kido equivalent to the dummy Hollow thing? And Orihime has a similar/equivalent position to Shuuhei for that? Idk, am just spitballing here to justify myself even though I know I don’t have to.

Then finally, we got Edo Period IchiHime, with Ichigo introducing ice cream to Orihime for the first time ever. And then of course, I shouldn’t have to explain the last one, haha.

Oh, God, I have so much to catch up on… which I will do later. And hey, since my scheduled posts are all up, I guess I’ll just use my queue to reblog posts I’ve missed since Ik I definitely will be reblogging a lot—don’t wanna bombard you with a ton of posts, aha. I will be making them daily instead of weekly, though, so that I’m not stashing them for too long. Starting tomorrow.

[thevirgodoll]

Any tips for a first date? - Makeup,Hair,Outfit Ideas💋Plus mannerisms,do’s and don’ts 💅🏾

First Date Tips💕

Disclaimer: Everyone has their preferences but this is what I find to make the most sense 🩷

General Beauty Tips:

Stick to what you know. This isn’t the time to try something new with your look. You want to be as confident as possible.

Play up your best features. For example, more blush to accentuate your cheekbones or lip liner for stronger lips.

Less is more. People across all identities can generally agree on this. While we do want to have some sense of glamour, we never want to overdo it.

Wear comfortable shoes! You never know what y'all could end up doing.

Bring gum or portable mouthwash with you. You need to make sure that breath is FRESH. You don't want something stuck in your teeth either... yikes!

Put powder in your purse so you can go touch up. I suggest going to the bathroom at least once to double check on yourself or at least have a mirror to look at yourself in.

Mannerisms, Do's & Don'ts:

DON'T: Chew with your mouth wide open! If you are talking and your mouth is full, cover your mouth with your hand as you speak.

DO: Put your cloth in your lap so no crumbs/etc spill all over your outfit.

DO: Wipe your mouth with your cloth/napkin.

DO: Make eye contact if you can, if not look between their eyes lol. But eye contact is the most powerful thing on a first date.

DON'T: Go on a date you're uncomfortable with. If they want to walk around a park and that freaks you out, say so.

DON'T: Feel pressured to have your date a certain way. Whatever is YOUR preference, stick to that. But DO be open to creative date ideas.

DO: Engage in creative conversations. Small talk can get tiresome after a while. It helps a LOT if you guys have been on the phone/Facetiming up until this point because it makes it less awkward.

DON'T: Talk about how badly you want a relationship. It's not wise to show desperation, from you or the other person lol.

DO: have a friend you trust and keep them up to date on the entire date. That friend or family member should be ready if something goes wrong. But that friend or family member should also be hyping you up!

DON'T: let them know how much you've been FBI stalking this person. Background checks are imperative, but they don't need to KNOW you've done this let alone dug through their tweets dating back to 7 years ago lol.

DON'T: even think about doing drugs! You need to be SOBER! Unless this is your partner, I DO NOT recommend drinking on this date!!!

DON'T: Overly judge, psychoanalyze or nitpick this individual. AVOID getting too personal omg. While you do want to hit important topics and need to (cause what if they're an incel lol), keep it light and positive. Some reservations DO need to be kept to yourself to not make it overly awkward for both of you.

DON'T: even think about talking about that ex! Better yet, don't tell them anything about them except that it was good and y'all decided to go separate ways. I wouldn't share that something might've occurred until y'all are way more personable. I know it's HARD, but you don't know this person girl!

DO: Use discernment and keep your guard up.

DO: Keep things light, soft, and feminine. You have the power. Don't cuss too much (unless y'all are friends like that), don't go off about things that you hate, just chill. They need to walk away wondering about you rather than thinking about everything you've said.

Things to consider:

As far as the touch barrier, it's all about the vibes you personally have. How personable are you and the other person? What happens after this date is your choice. Only do what YOU are comfortable with.

Have you both been talking up until this point? Personally, I like to talk on the phone for a few days before and familiarize myself. Texting is not the vibes. Y'all are not pen pals!

Have you vetted this individual before this date? What are their views on paying for dates? Are they the romantic type? Have they shown any red flags up until this point? If you haven't vetted them, get ready to. AND DON'T GO EASY ON THEM JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE LONELY! THEY ARE REPLACEABLE! 😭

Make a list of your icks! Are they a sloppy eater? Do they show manners during dinner to the waitress/etc? If doing an activity, do they include you, or are they more worried about themselves? Make a list of what you expect to see also. For example, I expect at least the bare minimum: told I'm beautiful, flowers on a first date, and for the door to be opened lol.

What is the safety level here? Are the two of you acquainted enough for you to get in their car? Remember, this is objectively a stranger (unless otherwise proven). What are the plans that y'all have? The safest rule is to ALWAYS drive yourself in case something goes wrong, and always go somewhere well-lit. Don't drive too far out, either... that shows inconsideration on their behalf for your well-being.

What is the relationship you have with this person? Do they show intention with you even while y'all aren't out and about? Have they made their intentions clear?

If you are comfortable enough, plan the next date. If not, politely remove yourself. Everything weighs on behavior even BEFORE the date, in my opinion.

Here is a bit of a mood board for the first date. Have fun, girl, and just relax. Keep these things in mind but remember YOU are the one they are pursuing, not the other way around. YOU hold the world in your hands. Don't ever go through things as if you need to impress this person. Do THEY impress you? Food for thought. Keep me updated! 🎀

[hanzajesthanza]

Heyyy u seem to know everything abt the witcher and I wondered if u have some Witcher inspiring tatt ideas? Maybe ppl here like to know too.

I never had a tatt but i want to and i had some things in mind; the witcher wolf, or 'what is destined cannot be avoided' or a sword or, the Quen sign or; i know this will be from the show... but i love 'never lost, always found' its like a reminder that theres always hope, and we have the inner strength to keep pushing and growing. But its from the show and that also reminds me of the stupid changes they made and that henry left (hes the best. I know some in these community think otherwise but my friend knows him and I know the truth abt him & that he is awesome)

Do u know some other ideas?

long and complicated answer ahead, maybe not explicitly helpful as a list of ideas, but more advice-oriented

tattoos are veeery personal, so first of all, you should get something that feels good and resonates with you. i can’t say what might fit best, because only you can decide.

i also don’t have any tattoos myself, so it’s a bit of the blind leading the blind here, but i have strong opinions on the subject nonetheless. it should be something you will want, or at least be OK with, having on your body forever. i admit to it without beating that i am one of “those people” that believe tattoos should be meaningful. tattoos as fun self-expression, to my knowledge, are a relatively modern and western idea, and throughout most of history they have mostly either been used for deep cultural, spiritual, or ritual practices, or for ones of subjugation, like tattooing slaves or prisoners. maybe my problem is that i’ve seen more tattoos in textbooks than i have on people.

but, meaningful, not necessarily “deep.” it can be something important to you but to no one else. most of all, it should generate net positive feelings, because whenever you look down, at yourself, or in the mirror while naked, you’ll see it.

this is also why i have mixed feelings about fandom tattoos. some can be really meaningful, others tacky, but the worst are kinds whose meaning changed over time because of events outside of your control. think of all the people who had harry potter tattoos solely because they liked their favorite childhood book series, and then jk rowling started being a (more of an overt; nor saying she wasn’t before) transmisogynistic freak.

fandom is POP CULTURE, which means that its meaning is always changing and constantly being redefined. to afix something fandom-related which is permanent, you just have to be comfortable taking that gamble.

basically, you have to be “ride-or-die.”

personally, i love the witcher books, but i probably won’t get a tattoo related them for a while.

firstly, because i like my my natural skin, secondly, because i fear pain, thirdly, because there are too many aforementioned unknowns, and fourthly… to quote dandelion: “and, but, this is the fourth… we have no money.”

to illustrate how personal of a decision this is, i’ll share my own list. my list is this, if any of these things happen, i will start to seriously consider a witcher tattoo:

i accomplish something worthy and memorable for the fandom

i go to poland

sapkowski dies

i get a girlfriend and she wants to get matching roses

but that’s me. for you, you have to ask yourself why you’re getting it, what or who you want to honor, how will it make you feel…

i might recommend a swallow, which is an obvious witcher motif, but, by its association with ciri, symbolizes hope and rebirth, as you were interested in. and the quote “something ends, something begins” has always been my favorite related to resilience and new beginnings.

[thebreakfastgenie]

I have a bit of a take. I don’t love the way Donna’s season 6 story line was executed , but I actually DO love that she essentially became Josh’s equal. I think that was really important to their future relationship.

I think it makes their relationship work a lot better on a couple of levels. I think it makes it a lot more comfortable for the audience. But also in-universe I think that's a necessary step in their growth. In some ways I think they think of each other as equals for a long time, but in season 6 the reality that they're not starts to rear its head and cause problems. Josh trusts Donna to do a lot of things an assistant wouldn't normally do and it's enough for her for a long time but it finally isn't anymore.

It's absolutely the execution I don't like. There's a really solid story underneath which is what makes it so frustrating to me. I would not personally go the angle of Donna resenting Josh and blaming him for holding her back, at least without more set up, but I think it makes a lot of sense, if it's framed as something Donna feels and not an objective reality. I think the execution is tinged with well-intention but ultimately unsuccessful early 2000s girlpower that says Donna is too good to be an assistant. The implications about the work assistants do and the value of the other longtime assistant characters like Carol, Bonnie, and Ginger, are... not great. But you do have in Donna this woman who's never really considered her own full potential. She let herself be subsumed by Dr. Freeride and then when she left him she went to the Bartlet campaign to find herself and ended up staying with Josh for seven years (or thereabouts, the timeline gets confusing in places). It's like Carly Simon said "I'll never learn to be just me first, by myself." And the uncomfortable truth is that Donna has the life and opportunities she has because of Josh, because he took a chance on her when any reasonable person in his position probably wouldn't have. Donna needs to leave Josh, I think, to prove that she can stand on her and exist without him, so that they can choose a life together as equal partners. But I don't think Josh not seeing that in season 6 is wrong or because he's sexist (he's a little sexist but not in this) or treating Donna unfairly. They've just reached a point where the status quo they've had no longer works and Josh is struggling to accept that. I hate that Donna quits the way she does because it's super unprofessional and undercuts the point that she's grown a lot and she's ready to do something else.

I've outlined this before but my personal dream season 6 arc for Donna would be Donna deciding to finish her college degree by taking some classes for something to do while she's recovering after Gaza. Josh is super encouraging throughout the process and even plans a graduation celebration for her when she finishes. But when she starts applying for jobs and asks him for a recommendation then he freaks out and the ensuing fight leaves them not really talking for a while, they still end up on rival campaigns, etc. It ties in nicely with Donna going to Will for a job, because it's a good way around her direct supervisor for the last seven years in her only relevant experience not acting as a reference. I also think it would be a fun way to give Charlie more to do, because he did college while working for the president, so he could act as kind of a mentor to Donna.

But even if they didn't do that, I think focusing more on the great and tragic irony--that Josh was the first person to believe in Donna and now he can't accept that it's time for her to move on--would deliver a much stronger arc. There's also a lot about how quickly Donna rises through the ranks on the Russell campaign and how she appears even higher-ranked than her stated job because she's the one we see with Will all the time that bugs me but that's kind of understandable from a "we are making a television show and she is one of the main characters" perspective.

[rr311]

╭﹐❣︎﹕ Spider-Boy ﹒〣 ﹕‹𝟹 － 𝖤𝖱𝖤𝖭 𝖸．

cw/tw. fluff, spiderman!eren, black!reader

an. hey ya’ll! I’m back with another story. I got this idea by watching far from home and decided to say hey let’s write a Marvel AU of Eren and make him spider man lol. This is for the AOT and Marvel fans ‼️ But anyways hope you guys enjoyed this !.

summary. - spider-Man comes to your window, injured and beatin up which takes an unexpected turn .

𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐓! 𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐓! 𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐓!

How am I supposed to explain this to mom? There’s no way in hell I can explain how I have a busted lip, bruised ribs, a bloody wound on my leg and a swollen eye.

I groaned as I started to pace around on top of the building I was currently limping on every now and then trying to think of what the hell I'm supposed to do.. If i go home i’ll have to explain to mom on how i got these fucked up injuries. Man cmon! Think Eren think! Who else can I go to who I trust the most?..I can’t go to Armin because he would just freak out and ask me a bunch of questions. I can't go to Mikasa because she would scold the hell out of me and give me a whole lecture of how dangerous this is. I most definitely can’t go to the trio's house..For one Connie has a big ass mouth, two Jean would just clown me like he always does and Sasha? She would freak out.

Man, fuck..who else is there…

…

Wait?

..(Y/n)! I could go to her! She’s the quietest out of the friend group so that’s a good option to go for. And she lives close by which is perfect..considering the fact that i only have little to none strength. I smiled to myself before leaping off the roof top swinging myself towards where her house was.

Let’s just hope and pray her dad isn’t there..

“Oh my god, Hitch no! There’s no way in hell-“

“Oh cmon (Y/N)! If you don’t say anything to him now he’ll be snatched up in seconds.”

“I know..but I can’t! Do you know how embarrassing that is? What about..i do it over text? Yeah, that seems like the best possible option right now.” Hitch stopped what she was doing to stare at the screen giving her the ‘Are you being deadass?’ look. “(Y/N), you cannot, be serious right now..over TEXT? Bitch it’s better if you just do it in person- or better yet! Invite him over tomorrow and confess that way.” (Y/N) could only just groan into her hands, she was stressing out over a boy..

How ironic is that?

“Hitchhhh.” She whined. “(Y/NNNNN).” She whined back. “Man..i can’t believe I'm stressin over a nigga..who isn’t even a nigga. How ironic is tha-'' Before she could finish her sentence two loud knocks on her window had interrupted her. She furrowed her eyebrows together, leaning back in her chair to see what it was to see the one and only Spider-Man..

OUTSIDE HER WINDOW.

Her eyes almost popped out of her skull by the sudden surprise, there was no way thee Spider-Man..

the one man who’s responsible of being the hero of the city is standing outside my window..

This is really happening..”Hitch..imma needa call you back,” She had already hung up the FaceTime call before she had the chance to respond back.You got up almost in an instant to walk over to your window furrowing your eyebrows together to see him in a squatting position holding his stomach..you squint your eyes to roam his body more to spot a patch of blood on his thigh that was going through his suit. You gasped at it as you pulled your window up for him to enter. He groaned slightly sliding his body through your window, now standing in front of you giving you more view of what he looks like..and he’s fucked up. Half his suit was ripped, there was blood patches everywhere on his body, and a big stab wound that was in his thigh.

How the fuck is he still standing..?

So the sweet person you are, you motioned him to sit on the bed not caring if it gets dirty or not. Every rule of being a medical student you always put your patients first then anything else, as he limped to go sit on your bed you instantly ran to your bathroom to get the supplies you needed. While you were doing that, Eren decided to examine your room. His eyes darted to your wall where you hung up pictures of you, your friends, and him. He smiled under his mask to see a picture of him sleeping on the desk with drool slightly coming out of his mouth taking a selfie as you threw up a peace sign in the camera. He then darted his eyes to see him and you together with matching Christmas pjs doing silly faces, he smiled at the cute memory you both shared at that time.

It was cute you kept all these pictures of your friends and him hanging up on your wall. Before he has any time to look around your room more you came back with alcohol, bandages, cotton balls, a needle and the string they put in you for getting stitches (i don’t know what it’s called lol.), bandaids and some kinda cream for bruises. You walked over to the bed where he sat and placed the supplies down on your bed, you huffed out of breath and moved some of your braids out your face to stare at the injured man with a soft smile. “Okay! So I got what I needed and now i just need you to..” You pointed at his half ripped suit, “You need me to take off my suit?” You nodded slightly feeling nervous that the fact THEE Spider-Man is in your bedroom right now and might i mention..he was huge! At least 5’11 or 6’1 somewhere in between. But you can’t become distracted, your top priority is to help him.

He bit the inside of his cheek, before pressing against his chest, clicking some sorta..button? To deflate it, you almost choked on your own spit to see how ripped he was…he had a 6 pack with very attractive collarbones..you could feel heat go to your body just by staring at his body..

God he’s so hot.

Eren looked up to see what else you wanted him to do but grinned seeing you stand there like a frozen statue staring at his body. He chuckled a little catching you off guard, “You gonna continue staring at my body? Or you gonna help me webs” You shook your head out of your thoughts ignoring the fact he called you Webs starting to get to work ‘(You were mentally freaking out in the inside trying to keep your self restraint)’. “Sorry..” You mumbled, he only smiled under his mask shrugging his shoulders. You were so caught up in helping him that you didn’t even question why he came to your window all of sudden? And how he knows where you lived which is pretty strange..

You put a mental note to remind yourself to ask that question once you're done.

You decided to start with the small bruises that were on his stomach, putting some typa of cream on the bruised spots being careful to not press on them. As your fingers worked applying the cream he slightly groaned from the feeling..feeling how soft your fingertips felt against his skin as you put the cream on, you stopped for a second to question if you accidentally pressed on it which he instantly said no and just said it felt good. You only nodded your head and continued to apply it to his skin. After the last bruise on his body you now moved onto the hard part..stitching the stab wound. You got on your knees in front of him motioning him to take the rest of his suit off so you can inspect the injury. He smirked at the command, deciding to do what he does best..being a huge flirt. “Wow doc, getting me to undress already? We just met.” Your eyes widened at the comment he made, shaking your head instantly, there was no way he was making such comments while his thigh is half way gone.

“How could you be flirting with me when you’re a walking corpse?” She asked with a raised brow, he only shrugged his shoulders pulling the rest of his suit off to reveal the stab wound- and surprisingly it didn’t need stitches which was good, the blood had seeked all the way through his suit making it look like it was big but in reality it wasn’t. You grabbed the alcohol, cotton balls and bandages to get started on it. When you were done with his thigh you gave him the clear he could put his suit back on which he did, when he got it all the way on he pressed the chest part of it and it reflated back onto his skin. Now since you were done…questions are about to be asked, 

Because how the hell did he know where you lived?!

“Okay, Spider-Man. First why the hell did you come to my house? Second how do you know where I live?? Are you stalking me?” You stared at him, I mean you weren’t complaining! Shi you manifested he would one day come to your window and well..look where we are now! This was the hard part for Eren, his dumbass didn’t think of any answers, so in the heat of the moment he had to think of something. “Uhm.. Well I heard from someone that you were a medical doctor.” You raised a brow crossing her arms, “Uh huh..so explain how you found out where i lived?” Shit..

He was caught at this point.

He stumbled on his words a little trying to find out the correct words but just sighed. “Look, don’t freak out when i show you this okay?” You raised a brow in confusion on what he was about to do,,you heard him sigh one more last time before he reached up to grab his mask, pulling it off to reveal..

“Eren?!” You yelled, with wide eyes. The person you helped and practically got a glance of his sexy body was Eren? My Eren?? “What the fuck?! When the- How the- WHAT?!” At this point you started to freak out, Eren was the all mighty Spider-Man? The one who kicks ass and saves the city 24/7? “Oh my god..” You whispered out, continuing to stare at your best friend with wide eyes, he only scratches the back of his neck with a nervous chuckle. “Hey..(Y/N)?”

Before you knew it..you threw the alcohol bottle at him earning a whine from him. “Hey! What was that for?” You scoffed. “You know exactly what that’s for you buffoon! You really kept this from me?? Ooo I outta... OOO you’re so lucky you’re injured because I swear to you I would've-“ Before you finished that sentence, you felt a thing being shot at you. You looked down to see he shot a web towards your stomach to pull you towards him, launching you into his chest, feeling his hand go to your waist holding you place. “(Y/N) There’s a reason why i didn’t tell you.” He sighed. You raised a brow. “One reason being because of that!” He laughed, earning a scoff and slight laugh, “Two because I have many enemies who target me, and if I told anyone my identity I knew, they would target my weakness which is you and the others. I couldn’t bare to live with the thought of your guys life being threatened because of me.”  He spoke in a soft tone, you looked up at him with a now softened face and small smile. “Well now i know i’ll always be protected by my one savior and whose always there for me.” You chuckled, wrapping your arms around his waist and giving him a hug,

He raised a brow “And who might that be?” He teases, you roll your eyes and playfully pushed him away. “You Spider-Boy.” You teases back, he furrowed his eyebrows with a smile. “What did you call me?”

“Mm..nothin.”

“(Y/N).”

“What? I didn’t call you anything.”

He only scoffed at it before pulling you back to his embrace. You were about to protest but got caught off guard when he placed his lips onto yours, you gasped into the kiss shocked that he did that. You didn’t even have enough time to kiss back before he pulled back, chuckling at your shocked expression. “You wanna tell me what you called me? Or do I need to kiss you again for you to do it?” You blinked a few times before stumbling on your words. “I think you gotta kiss me again to remind me.” He only shook his head with a smile on his face before he leaned down again to take your lips into his making it longer, giving you enough time to respond back. You pulled back after a few seconds, wrapping your arms around his neck with a smile of your own. “I called you Spider-Boy.”

“Really? ‘Spider-Boy?’” You nodded your head and pecked his lips one last time

“Yep..my Spider-Boy.”

Bonus:

“You know if you wanted to keep your identity from me..think of a better plan then just randomly popping up at my house thinking i wouldn’t notice.”

“Hey! I was injured and you were closer to where I was!”

“God..i know you’re stupid but you can’t be THAT stupid.”

“Okay first of all…”

“First of all what?”

“I- Well..!”

“Exactly!”

[honorary-knight-of-favonius]

Kinktober Baizhu -Day Twenty Nine-

Tags for the day: CNC (Consent Non-Consensual) and Lingerie

Summary: In desperate need for another model after one ditched and left you high and dry you ask your coordinator to provide some much needed assistance in exchange for a want of his.

I was so close to smashing my camera into the ground at the sheer audacity this prick had! After pestering me to make him a model he ditches his very first session! I was fuming and if not for my darling coordinator I really would’ve smashed my camera. 

“Y/n, maybe it’s time to sit down.” I began venting as the green haired male led me to a seat and sat me down. While I ranted, the male played with my hair and massaged my shoulders, “Yes, yes, I totally understand the disrespect he showed you.” I was going to throw my camera but as I raised it Baizhu snatched it and replaced it with a pillow. 

“Y/n, I know he was so disrespectful. It’s alright, Baizhu’s here.” The male hugged me tightly to his body, petting my head, shushing me as if I were a four year old which is surprisingly effective, “We’ll schedule another model alright?” 

“B-but I can’t! If I postpone this session then the new line doesn’t launch and that puts everything back and if it puts everything back then I’ll get lazy and won’t end up-” The green haired male lifted my head to look at his body and his hair that was covering us. 

“Y/n, the moment you freak out everyone else does. You need to take some deep breaths. Remember you never once allowed things to go south, use that big brain of yours.” I did as told and pulled the man into a hug snuggling into his chest. 

“You’re the best Baizhu.” I smiled as I let go and stood up thinking. . .I quickly scanned the area not finding anything but my already finished models. I needed someone that would make the black white and coral lingerie, I continued and when I looked towards the green haired male’s back I smiled and hurried to him. 

“Did you solve your problem?” He asked. 

“Will you model for me?” I asked, Baizhu gave me a dead look. 

“No.”

“Please!!” I begged. 

“N-” 

“I’ll give you 5,000 right after out of my own pocket!” I say, Baizhu sighed and looked at me in disbelief. 

“Why me? Can’t you have someone else do it?” I shook my head, “Why not?” 

“Because none of them will do them justice.” The male sighed and grabbed his office and my collar before dragging me to the dressing room which had been abandoned some time ago. 

“You better fuck me good on that set.” I smiled. Baizhu and I we’re very much in a relationship despite him not liking it publicly. Whenever I bring up money and then say ‘out of my pocket’ or something like that it means I will do anything anywhere he wants. I don’t use this often but now was the perfect time to use it, Baizhu had always wanted to be fucked while being photographed or recorded on my personal camera and I had to admit the idea appealed to me to. But considering our schedules it never worked until now as the boy was not only free today but it was date night. 

Thankfully the photo session went without any issue to Baizhu. The very last outfit I had to photograph was causing a rather obvious ache between my legs. Baizhu’s skin was a very milky color, making the flora black lingerie he was wearing stand out. In all honesty if his outfit wasn’t covering his cock I would’ve pounced on him. He looked ethereal, his green hair was put in a ponytail and was flowing over one of his shoulders. I silently thanked myself for asking Baizhu to model for me, otherwise I would’ve never seen such a sight in my life. It was regrettable that his body was also being looked at by the staff in the store. I snapped myself out of the trance I was put in and aimed the camera at Baizhu, having him smirk and pose in a position he knew I loved. 

Baizhu was sitting on a pedestal and holding his hand out as if I was going to kiss it. God I loved worshiping this god-like man. He continued the theme of posing in positions I loved finding myself in when we were in the bedroom. By the end of the session I was absolutely drenched and I went to ‘edit’ the photos while actually admiring Baizhu as everyone else packed up and left. I ran my fingers through my hair one of the many photos I took for mainly just me was a series of pictures with Baizhu in that alluring outfit with a button up sliding off his shoulders. 

Many of the poses he was in were more on the femineie side but I know he didn’t mind. While I was ‘editing’ Baizhu hugged me from behind and peppered kisses on my neck. 

“I said goodbye to everyone, the store was shut down and the cameras are off. . .for now.” I could feel him wiggle in anticipation as he whispered in my ear, “Is that me?” Baizhu stood up letting go of me and hurried to look at his own picture. 

“Yes?” I say puzzledly, “Is something wrong with it?” I asked

“I. . .I-” Baizhu suddenly shook his head and straddled my lap, “I can’t believe you were too busy admiring a photo when the real thing is right here.” I chuckled. I grabbed his hips with one hand and the other pulled him closer by the neck. 

“Shall we head to set?” Baizhu whined not wanting to get up and move so I hurried and picked him up, placing him back on the pedestal. I grabbed his hips and hovered over him, planting some kisses on his neck when he swiftly stopped me, “Is something wrong Zhu?” I asked

“M-Model and Photographer. . .C-CnC. . . .” He mumbled, I kissed his neck once more before pulling away. 

“With pictures to boot?” I asked, He shyly nodded and I kissed him before leaving the set taking my camera and going back to the set and began asking for much more lewd and provocative poses having Baizhu do every single one of them until I asked him to go on his knees and look up at the camera when he did I grabbed him throat having him whimper. 

“Such a fantastic model, I’m surprised you're not booked more.” I said finally not being able to handle the increasingly slick feeling between my thighs as I placed the camera on a table close by.  I managed to push Baizhu to the floor as he began to squirm and protest my actions. 

“N-No~ P-Please. I-I don’t want this!” He cried as I shushed him, 

“It’s alright dear, I’ll be gentle.” Bauzhu began kicking trying to ‘get me off’ of him but as I freed his aching hard cock I smirked letting the squirmy boy use my fist to satisfy himself. 

“P-Please~ I -I really. . .Please~” I loosened my grip and Baizhu grabbed my wrist forcing my hand off of his neck and he sat up with a glare, “Put that goddamn hand back on my cock and let me fuck it until I’m rubbed raw.” I smiled and did as told, baizhu instantly put my hand back around his throat and proceeded with the useless, ‘no’s’ and ‘please stop’ finalized by the ‘I don’t want this’. Despite the scene Baizhu was truly controlling this scene, and for the first time in ages he broke character after being denied access to my cunt. 

“F-fuck, I-I need you not that damn hand but you! Please please please, I’ll be good, I’ll be so fucking good just please- L-Let me fuck that warm cunt! P-please~” I chuckled and swiftly undressed myself right as Baizhu saw my unclothed cunt he pounced on me. 

“Y-You are so annoying!” He whined, I raised a brow, “You purposefully did that! You purposefully loosened your grip and teased me so I would take over!” I giggled and hugged his neck. 

“Come on, our model is just. . .getting his revenge.” I smirked, Baizhu sighed, lowering himself and teasingly rubbing against my throbbing area as he whispered. 

“You must really be turned on if you want to flip our roles like this.” I hummed, “Same rules?” I nodded. the boy growled into my ear, “This is for playing with my cock!” As he said those words I felt the welcome intrusion in my cunt. I tried to tighten my hug but within a few measly seconds Baizhu had pulled out and flipped us over to have my ass in the air and use my arms as leverage to go deeper into me. 

“You didn’t even get me to cum while using your goddamn hands so now I’m taking the orgasm I have earned!” I arched my back as I felt the pleasurable pain of Baizhu’s fucking. I was already at my peak when my hands began to open and close rapidly signaling to Baizhu I needed to hold his hand. 

“F-fuck I’m close.” He grunted, Baizhu knew to go over that edge I needed to hold his hand lovingly, I never knew why but Baizhu fucking me without holding my hand meant he didn’t want me to come yet. I needed Baizhu to let me cum. 

“Z-zhu! P-please~ I-It hurts! Please Zhu!” I cried, and Baizhu shushed me sweetly. 

“A few more seconds darling, just a few more.” As those seconds passed it felt like minutes to me. But the moment Baizhu released my wrist and laid against my back taking my hands into his as he pushed me over the edge and my body began to twitch in glee.

“Maybe I should model your designs more often.” Baizhu sighed.

“P-Please take that one home. . .” He chuckled and slipped out of me and began to pepper kisses on my neck and shoulders before helping to sit on my ass and holding me in his arms on the floor. 

“I’m off next weekend should we do a fashion show with your designs.” He asked if I smiled like an idiot nodding before falling asleep in his arms. 

Taglist:

@stygianoir @yunadxd

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

I thought Rook's personality is what caused him having not much appeal and on top of that his haircut was just ugly... Idk, if he wasn't so worshipful towards Vil (and anything beautiful for that matter) and so freaking stalk-ish/creepy maybe he would have more appeal and we could look past his haircut... At least this is why I don't like Rook 🥲

[Referencing this post!]

In the original post, I was strictly talking about Rook’s looks contributing to why people don’t like him. Of course his personality is also a large part of why he isn’t super well liked, but again, I purposefully only discussed his looks in that context. His appearance is the first thing fans will see, and it contributes to their perception of him as a “silly” character before he even opens his mouth.

I think having a character that is “obsessed” with another one is… very risky for any writer. There are very real pitfalls associated with these kinds of characters, such as the audience finding them annoying, or the characters being perceived as solely defined by their overattachment to another person. I believe these are big reasons as to why Rook and Sebek are not that popular; there are many that claim that their devotion to Vil and Malleus (respectively) is irritating to read, and that they have nothing else to their personalities other than worshipping the ground their dorm leaders walk on 💦 It's this type of aversion that doesn't make people want to see beyond what Rook and Sebek initially present themselves as (ie hardcore "fanboys"), sometimes even assuming the worst of them due to this limited perception. For example, it's a commonly held sentiment in the fandom that "Vil and Malleus are annoyed by/hate Rook and Sebek" when the lore doesn't really indicate that this is true. At best, Vil and Malleus may be mildly annoyed by things they do or correct their manners when they act out in public--however, this is not equivalent to hate.

Another thing that sometimes gets mentioned (and was brought up in the ask as well) is that Rook has an obsession with "all things beautiful", which... is both true and not true. Rook is fixated on beauty, yes--but he doesn't find interest ONLY in beautiful things. Rather, he is able to see everything as beautiful, even tough situations or things traditionally considered ugly or negative. This is a strength of his that often gets overlooked, either because he isn't taken seriously ("haha funny French man") or because the immediate trait people notice isn't this but instead his habit of stalking. Rook definitely has his own unsavory characteristics (and there are times when his devotion is waaay too much), so I understand why he's considered so off-putting. I was in that camp myself for the first several months playing TWST! However, I do urge you to try and see his positive points as well! You don't have to necessarily like him, but I think it's really important to see both the bad and the good in characters.

[masterghandalf]

Embers by Vathara: A Too-Long Review

Embers is one of the most famous – perhaps the most famous – fanfics in the entire Avatar: The Last Airbender fandom. It’s also one of the most controversial, prone to creating very strong, very polarized opinions among its readers. The fic’s fans call it an incredible piece of worldbuilding that turns aspects of the original show on its head and enriches others with a darker, more morally complex plotline and sophisticated themes. Detractors call it blatant Fire Nation propaganda that worships at Zuko’s feet and demonizes everyone who ever slightly disagreed with him. The fact that both sides of the debate can get very… heated, to put it mildly, only furthers the controversy. At the risk of igniting old flame wars (pun very much intended😉) I thought I’d step in and offer my own thoughts on things. In brief, I think there’s a lot of positive things to be said about Embers, and I can see why it has the fandom it does… but at the same time, for a number of I reasons, some major, some nitpicky, I personally cannot bring myself to embrace it. Let’s take a look behind the cut to talk about why!

What is Embers?

First off… what’s this about, anyway? Embers is an Avatar: The Last Airbender AU fic, diverging from canon early in Book Two, written by Vathara (a rather famous fanfic writer active in multiple fandoms, and IIRC has also published original fiction under her own name) from 2009-2014. Its basic premise involves Zuko, while on the run with Iroh in the Earth Kingdom, rediscovering, based on things his mother had taught him, a lost firebending technique- fire-healing. From there it snowballs massively as Zuko gets caught up in spirit shenanigans, becomes a yaoren (two-element bender) who can also bend water, wrestles with his own legacy, and ultimately explores finds himself caught up in an ancient struggle involving spirits and dragons with more at stake than anyone has realized. The story begins in a one-shot, “Theft Absolute,” and then continues in Embers proper, and it is long – 91 chapters (not counting “Theft Absolute”) and more than 700,000 words even discounting author notes, making it longer than the entirety of The Lord of the Rings (even if you include The Hobbit too), longer than freaking War and Peace, and roughly comparable to all three volumes of Brandon Sanderson’s original Mistborn trilogy together. Woof. In other words, there’s a lot to dig into here. Though the fic itself (at least the FF.net version) does not internally divide itself in any way other than chapters, its TVTropes page splits it up into twelve discrete story arcs, which I may bring up occasionally for ease of reference. Anyway, the sheer size and complexity of the fic means there’s a lot to discuss, so with the basic intro out of the way, let’s get to it.

What’s Good About Embers?

Before we begin, I’d like to say that while my ultimate feelings about the fic are largely negative, I can absolutely see why it got popular and why its fandom has generally been so devoted to it (and since I will be talking about a lot of negative things, I did want to go ahead and put this part first, to make it clear that I do have aspects I like, and the things I don’t like should be understood in that context). For one, it’s very long, very detailed, and as of 2014 it’s complete. As a fic writer myself who has written some very long fics (none this long, though!) I have an inkling of how difficult a feat this is to pull off and can absolutely salute Vathara for the achievement. As for the writing itself, I wouldn’t call Vathara a great wordsmith, but she is, generally speaking, a solid one, with prose that feels professional-novel-quality; considering what a lot of fic (especially from a fandom that skews young, particularly at the time of the show’s original airing and the time Embers got started) is like, that’s yet another breath of fresh air. While I have some issues with the plot itself (more on that later) it nonetheless has a clear plot, one with lots of moving parts, and pulls it together generally well. In short, as a literary achievement Embers is already head-and-shoulders above a lot of fic, and not a few published novels. It also uses a lot of tropes and plot points that have a lot of appeal in the fandom. Zuko is the hero! Multi-element benders who aren’t the Avatar! Fire healing! Zuko is the reincarnation of an important historical figure! Aang’s Fire Nation friend Kuzon is an important historical figure! Ty Lee is a secret airbender! Koh the Face-Stealer is the big bad and was all along! Spirit stuff! Dragons! Any of these are things the Avatar fandom tends to eat up; Embers has all of them. At the same time, it also avoids a lot of the common pitfalls; in particular, it mostly doesn’t focus on issues of romance at all and thus neatly sidesteps the fandom’s infamous shipping wars, which is both rare and a relief, especially for a Zuko-centric story. It also has a lot of worldbuilding of Vathara’s own devising that’s extremely complex and detailed; said worldbuilding is controversial, and I can say I’m one it doesn’t really work for (again, more on that later) but there clearly was a lot of effort put into it, Vathara did her homework, and if you do like it, it’s one of the fic’s major selling points. She also includes a number of OCs from various walks of life that offer different perspectives and flesh things out more. And, of course, deconstruction fics that seek to problematize the canon and/or offer darker, more “mature” takes on the source material are always going to have a following in any fandom. Regardless of what you think, it makes you think (as the fact that I felt compelled to write this review, something I don’t normally do, should attest… I certainly wouldn’t put this level of thought and effort into a fic I just thought was bad). In short, I can absolutely respect Embers as a piece of writing and as a rare achievement in fandom, and I can also see a lot of reasons why it has the appeal it does for people.

But in the end, the story doesn’t work for me. Some of the reasons why are obvious; some are more subtle; some are more nitpicky issues of personal taste. But I’d like to take a while to discuss why, despite everything I do think there is to like or appreciate about the fic, it rubs me the wrong way. First off, I think it’s best before anything else to discuss the lion-turtle in the room.

Is Embers Fire Nation Apologism?

This is perhaps the most common accusation levelled at the fic by its detractors; that Vathara loves the Fire Nation, presents them as being in the right and the war as justified and everyone who opposes them as being evil. In fact, Embers’s tropes page used to (it’s since been removed) compare the fic directly to The Last Ringbearer, an (in)famous LotR fic (actually a published novel in Russian, its original language, but a free fanfic in English) that flipped the tale’s original morality, presenting the elves and wizards as evil, Gondor and Rohan as their dupes, and Mordor and Umbar as innocent victims of bigoted imperialism. The fic’s fans, meanwhile, says that this is a surface-level reading that completely misses the story’s nuances and ignores its actual messages. So, what’s my take? Is Embers pro-Fire Nation apologism? My answer is… no. And also, yes. Let me explain.

First off, the fic’s reputation as Fire Nation apologism has undeniably been exaggerated by its hatedom. It presents the Hundred-Year War as being wrong. The genocide of the Air Nomads was wrong. Characters like Ozai and Azula (and, posthumously, Sozin and Zhao) who were villainous in canon remain villainous in Embers. Stopping the War and overthrowing Ozai remains a goal of all sympathetic characters in the story. That Last Ringbearer comparison is, I think, unfair (and, honestly, regardless of my issues with Embers, I think it’s a superior work to Last Ringbearer in every way… but that’s beyond the scope of this review). Vathara does not try to paint Hundred Year War-era Fire Nation as being in the right or “the real good guys.”

But. But.

Embers doesn’t try to paint the Fire Nation under Ozai as heroic, true enough. What Embers does do, however, is prioritize Fire Nation POVs and Fire Nation concerns. You might argue that this is a natural side-effect of the fic’s POV centering on Zuko, but I think it goes beyond that. Cultural clash is a major theme in the fic, and this is where a lot of Vathara’s worldbuilding goes is in exploring the worldviews and practices of the four nations in much more depth than the show does (more on that in the next section). But practically any time a Fire Nation character gets into an argument with a person from another nation, the Fire Nation character’s POV gets prioritized and they’re the one the narrative wants us to side with. Characters are frequently lambasted for not understanding the Fire Nation and Fire Nation values, and if they don’t that’s their fault, but the reverse is almost never true, with almost any conflict presenting the Fire Nation character as being in the right. The Fire Nation are literally descended from dragons, it’s eventually revealed (all Fire Nationals seem to have a little dragon ancestry; a few have a lot of it); none of the other nations have anything like this going on. Fire is consistently treated as a “special” element unlike any of the others, and firebenders get to do things like keep volcanoes from erupting to protect everyone else in the world and no other nation has anything comparable going on; we also get a lot of info on how unique the Fire Nation ecology is and the specialized management it requires. The war is mostly understood through the lens of how it affects the Fire Nation, with a lot more time given to how it’s warped Fire Nation culture than the harm they’ve done to the rest of the world (indeed, a big deal is made at various points about how once the Fire Nation conquers territory, they view it as just another part of the Fire Nation and its people as their people, to be treated as such, and those who don’t follow that ideal are presented as aberrations, which is… not how empires actually work). And so on.

But the biggest issue… Kyoshi. Embershas a really weird take on Kyoshi and her role in the Fire Nation’s history that hangs over the entire fic, and not in a good way. See, in Embers-verse the Fire Nation in Kyoshi’s time was a bunch of independent islands ruled by feudal lords (who fought each other all the time but apparently never tried to take more territory than they could control or unify the islands because they knew they couldn’t hold it, because that’s clearly how aggressive warlords think *rolls eyes*). But the Earth Kingdom was attacked by Fire Nation pirates, and none of the local “Great Names” could stop them because hey, the pirates weren’t their subjects. So Kyoshi committed genocide on half the Fire Nation and forced the survivors to swear allegiance to the Fire Lord, and in Embers if you swear loyalty to a firebender, you can’t break it without dying or nearly dying (more on that when we get to the worldbuilding). So, yeah, the political structure of the Fire Nation is presented as being an unnatural imposition and it’s all the Avatar’s fault, with the war being a direct consequence of this. Yeesh. This backstory ends up pervading the Fire Nation’s characterization, providing justification for why no firebender will ever trust the Avatar and why they’re convinced the other nations want to wipe them out and will if the war turns against them or if they try to make peace. It doesn’t justify the war… but it is used to present the imperialist conquerors as victims themselves, doing something they’d never have done if an outside force hadn’t mauled them and rearranged their political system first (all that pent up aggression they used to work out fighting each other had to go somewhere, apparently…). And that… really makes me uncomfortable, not least because of how it takes the onus for starting the conflict off the Fire Nation and puts it on someone else (not the only way the fic does this, as Ozai ends up overshadowed by the real villains too) while also creating a scenario where it feels like the world revolves around the Fire Nation and the Fire Nation’s issues, with the rest of the world as supporting players. In short, while it doesn’t try to justify the Fire Nation’s actions in the present, it goes to great length to make sure those actions are understandable and Fire Nation voices and Fire Nation concerns are prioritized by the narrative while those of other nations are generally marginalized.

 It gets especially obvious when you see the treatment Vathara gives the other nations. So, let’s take a look at the fic’s worldbuilding in general.

The Worldbuilding of Embers

One of the most talked about aspects of Embers is its worldbuilding; Vathara takes what’s established in canon and adds a lot of detail and complexity to it. Like most aspects of the fic, however, said worldbuilding can be very controversial; fans love how detailed it is and how it reframes their understanding of canon, while critics tend to think it doesn’t fit well with what canon establishes about the world. Personally, I tend to fall into “the worldbuilding is really interesting and compelling, but I’d like it a lot better if it was an original setting rather than trying to shoehorn it into the Avatar world,” but there are a few cases where I do think it has very profound issues of its own. So, let’s dig into it, shall we?

Bending: I’m going to address Vathara’s take on bending first, because it influences almost everything else she does with the setting. Bending in Embers works quite differently from how it does in canon. Most obviously, not only does every element have its own sub-school of healing (instead of just water), but every element has mind control powers of a different sort. Yes, really. I’ll discuss each of them in turn as I get to each nation specifically, but in general for a fic that prides itself on realistic consequences for actions and well-researched worldbuilding it's a rather... striking choice to throw in “but literal mind control” as an explanation for peoples’ actions. Also, benders (and non-benders, to a lesser degree) are often depicted as being under their element’s direct influence much more obviously than in canon, to the extent that it’s treated as genuinely surprising when someone does something opposed to their element’s philosophy; despite the work Vathara does to flesh out her various cultures, this ends up making them feel rather “planet of hats-y” at times. Ultimately, I kind of like Vathara’s bending as a magic system, creepy stuff and all, but I do think she adds so many elemental bells and whistles to things that the basic idea of magical elemental martial arts gets kind of muddled.

The Fire Nation (and dragons): I’m going to start with the Fire Nation, because it’s clearly Vathara’s favorite culture and the one where the dragon’s share of the worldbuilding goes to. And, okay, I’m a bit torn. Because on the one hand, Vathara’s Fire Nation is genuinely interesting. On the other hand, it ends up diverging significantly from the show’s Fire Nation, to a level beyond what I think Vathara intended or realized; for another, I think there’s some very problematic aspects of this society that go uninterrogated because Vathara is too busy squeeing over how awesome they are. I’m also including dragons in this section because they’re intimately (in some cases very intimately) tied with the Fire Nation, and because Vathara clearly really likes them and changes them significantly from canon.

To start with, let’s look at the political system. I’m honestly not sure Vathara realizes this because she doesn’t really discuss in in her author notes, but she somehow ends up giving the Fire Nation an entirely different form of government than they had in canon. The canon Fire Nation is clearly a centralized absolute monarchy; everything we see seems to be run by a centralized bureaucracy, its military force is a centralized, professional military, and the chain of command for both culminates in the Fire Lord, who has absolute legal, military and (implicitly) religious authority over everyone. Vathara’s Fire Nation is still a monarchy, but instead of a top-down absolute monarchy it's a bottom-up feudal monarchy where, instead of one centralized country, it’s made up of a bunch of local fiefdoms where people are loyal first and foremost to whoever their local “Great Name” is, that person has authority over the domain and then in turn swears loyalty to the Fire Lord. Needless to say, this is a completely different form of government and would produce a completely different social and especially military structure from the one we see in the show. Indeed, in the fic said social structure is greatly explored and becomes plot-critical, but it doesn’t really jive with other aspects ported over from the show’s version (such as why Embers’s Fire Nation still has a centralized professional military instead of each domain providing their own troops separately when called on, as would be the case in an actual feudal system). Unfortunately, I think a lot of the detail also comes at the expense of the other nations, with a lot of aspects of Vathara’s Fire Nation being held up as unusually awesome in-universe, whether explicitly or implicitly. Most obviously, Great Names (which, considering the Fire Nation’s Japanese influences, is a pretty clear equivalent of historical daimyo) and their heirs are awesome and Vathara really, really wants to make sure we know that. The fic makes it clear that to be a Great Name you have to be a badass, and you have to hold yourself to certain standards of behavior (even a Great Name as tyrannical as Ozai seems to have to have some standards at least where his subjects – ie, the Caldera specifically in his case – are concerned) and have to keep all the volcanoes in their territory under control so everyone should be grateful to them, and have their special court language based on Sanskrit that only they speak, and if you’re a real Great Name everyone will respect you and think you’re wonderful because you’re just. That. Awesome. Even Earth Kingdom characters are impressed when realizing that Zuko (or "Lee”) is probably a Great Name’s son and think that must make him a badass! It gets a little wearying after a while, to be honest, especially since the other nations have nothing comparable (titled Earth Kingdom nobles don’t get nearly as much focus, with a few exceptions, and the Water Tribes and Air Nomads obviously have completely different systems). At the same time, the Fire Nation is also apparently the only country that regularly fields female soldiers (this one does have some basis in canon – they certainly seem to have more of them, at the very least) and also the only country where a commoner can become a high-ranking officer, even though the sorts of feudal societies Vathara’s Fire Nation is modeled on tend to not have much room for social mobility, to put it mildly (military aristocrats are an elitist bunch, as a rule, and tend to guard their prerogatives jealously!).

Oh, and this is all held together by the Fire Nation’s version of mind control – loyalty. Basically, anyone who swears allegiance to a firebender can’t break it without resulting in severe illness or death, and powerful firebenders can even attract the loyalty of people around them and make them want to serve them, even if said people don’t want to or even know what’s happening (in some cases, like Azula with the Dai Li, even if they’re not Fire Nation!). Every Fire Nation citizen (except exiles) owe loyalty to someone, and again, can’t break it or disobey an order without potentially fatal consequences. And this is where I have my real problem with Vathara’s Fire Nation. This system as a whole is never criticized or problematized. Oh, sure, loyalty to the Fire Lord specifically is a bad thing… because it was imposed from outside by Kyoshi. In the natural state of things, every domain would be independent – but still under the control of their Great Name, still with their own little loyalty pyramid, just without the Fire Lord at the top over everyone. And, indeed, at the end of the fic, the solution to the war is… to dissolve the Fire Lord’s throne and return every domain to self-rule but keeping the Great Name/loyalty system intact. This is uncritically presented as a good thing, because this way the Fire Nation will police itself by means of domains fighting each other (and it’s made clear Fire Nationals always want to fight, and it’s a dreadful imposition to try and make them live peacefully) keeping any one of them from getting too powerful. What’s never addressed is the way this would logically lock a quarter of the world into perpetual conflict with itself, driven by the personal honor of feudal warlords whose people are essentially powerless to disobey them (and again, it’s made clear Fire Nation clans have to have conflict; we’re explicitly told Sozin’s father trying to mediate them all was doomed to failure and drove him to die young, and this was crucial for shaping Sozin’s outlook on life, his resentment of the Avatar, and his desire to redirect his people’s aggression outward). And despite Vathara’s insistence that a proper Great Name doesn’t take more territory than they know they can hold, I’m still not sure what’s stopping a particularly ambitious lord from conquering neighboring domains, forcing their lords to swear loyalty, and eventually building up enough of a powerbase to start the whole mess over again. I don’t think Vathara’s intention was for her Fire Nation to be read this dystopian, but personally, I find it very hard to read it any other way (it doesn’t help that almost all our major Fire Nation POVs are nobility, military, or both; we don’t really get the common person’s take on all this, but I somehow doubt they’re all that enthused). It does remind me a bit of PC Hodgell’s Kencyrath series (enough that I wonder if Vathara’s read it…) where the Kencyr also have a feudal society driven by magically binding loyalty to the ruling class and strict, arcane codes of honorable behavior, except that society is portrayed as deeply, profoundly messed up in ways that Vathara’s Fire Nation isn’t. Also, one last word on the concept of loyalty… it pretty much creates a society where the “I was just following orders!” defense is actually valid (yes, you can disobey orders in Vathara’s Fire Nation, but the consequences are bad enough it’s clear people generally don’t, and Fire Nationals in-fic tend to treat “I had orders” as a justification for most things) and… I really, really hope that was unintentional. Because if not… damn.

In hindsight, this may have sounded harsher than I meant it to. I really do find the concept of Vathara’s Fire Nation interesting, and “decadent empire run by corrupt, backstabbing sorcerer-aristocrats” is one of my favorite setting types, but I really wish she’d taken the very problematic aspects of this society and, well, problematized them instead of going all in on “clans and domains are awesome and Great Names are awesome and everyone wants a good Great Name to pledge loyalty to.” It’s not that Vathara’s Fire Nation doesn’t have problems, but said problems are mostly presented as being imposed from outside (the entire office of the Fire Lord, for one…) and the ideal solution is to essentially revert back to the pre-Kyoshi status quo. It plays into the overall theme, which I’ll get to at the end of the review, that yes, the war is wrong, and Ozai was wrong… but the Fire Nation itself is the real victim here instead of the people they were, you know, trying to conquer, or at least as much of a victim as they are. And, well, I don’t like the implications of that very much (and I’m less sympathetic to this sort of thing than usual this past year, considering certain current events), especially when you consider Vathara’s takes on the other nations.

Before we go on, one last word I’d like to have is on dragons. Vathara clearly likes dragons a lot. I don’t blame her – I went through a big phase of dragon-loving in my teenage years, and they still remain one of my favorite fictional creatures. In a broad sense, I really like Vathara’s take on dragons. Unfortunately, she’s shoehorned them into a setting where they don’t fit, and it makes a mess. Canon’s dragons are “the original firebenders,” fire’s equivalent to sky bison for air or badgermoles for earth. They’re powerful, wise, ancient creatures, sure, but still essentially animals. And I really think Vathara didn’t like that, because her dragons are sapient, nigh-immortal shapeshifters who can and do often interbreed with humans. On its own, none of that’s bad – I like most of those traits in dragons, and there’s mythological basis for most of it. But where Vathara tries to jam them into the place of canon’s dragons is where it gets awkward. In particular, she seems to have an axe to grind with canon’s take on dragons, at several points actively mocking how dragons are often considered animals by humans, people who don’t realize dragons are sapient, or how they are regarded as no more than sky bison (which in canon I’d say is no insult at all, but, well, I don’t think Vathara likes sky bison very much). That “can breed with humans” bit becomes particularly important, because it turns out all Fire Nation people are descended from dragons. Most of them very distantly, of course, but some much more closely, including (of course) Zuko. And we get treated to a lot of exposition on how this directly influences Fire Nation people’s psychology and culture and makes them different from other humans, especially “dragon-children” with close draconic ancestry. So basically, what it boils down to is Vathara’s favorite nation having literally superhuman ancestry (I count “being a dragon” as superhuman) something none of the other nations do (it also adds another layer to fic!Fire Nation’s persecution complex, since they think if the other nations find out they’d consider them subhuman). Normally, I’d love to read about a culture of dragon-people, but it’s just so incredibly out of place in the Avatarverse that I can’t really connect with it there, especially since I feel like it just serves to underscore that Vathara’s favorite culture is special, everyone!

Basically, there’s a lot I find conceptually interesting in Vathara’s Fire Nation, but I don’t like it as written. Personally, I’d emphasize the self-destructive nature of their feudal honor culture more, play loyalty for horror in general (not just if you’ve got a bad lord), and move it out of the Avatarverse entirely into another setting where the dragon stuff could be made to actually fit, or at least into a fic where it’s a full AU from the start in a sort of “Avatar: The Last Airbender reimagined, ultimate universe style” rather than a canon divergence AU that still accepts large swaths of the show as having happened. This is something I’ll be coming back to quite a bit, actually, since I think Vathara’s Fire Nation really highlights how much of this stuff I’d find much more palatable as original fic (or, again, full AU) rather than fanfic.

The Air Nomads: Okay, this is where I think real problems lie. Because even if I unironically loved everything else about the fic… I still wouldn’t be able to rec it unreservedly if it had Vathara’s take on the Air Nomads in it. Whereas most of my other issues with the fic are about context and execution, its take on the Air Nomads is something I find inherently irresponsible and indefensible on its own merits. Vathara’s Air Nomads disturb me – not their activities in the fic, but the meta fact that this portrayal exists at all.  What am I talking about, you ask? Well, first off, there’s a running theme that starts in the fic early any time the Air Nomad genocide is mentioned talking about how it actually makes perfect sense that everyone in the world secretly hated and resented the Air Nomads and weren’t that sad to see them go. To the point that it starts getting uncomfortably victim-blamey. Then we later learn that in the distant past the Air Nomads used to be Mongol-like warlike conquerors. Okay, that’s not as bonkers as it seems on the surface (real-world Tibet did have its imperial age, and there are some interesting historical connections between Tibet and Mongolia) but considering the earlier portrayal, I still side-eye it. And then, we get the big reveal – the Air Nomads, or at least the Air Monk elders, were evil. See, the airbenders’ version of mind control is something called “Harmonious Accord” that is never really explained in detail but is apparently just flat-out brainwashing. And the Temple Elders used it to force all their people to agree on everything and to use the Air Nuns as baby factories then force them to give up their children to be raised communally. Anyone who dissented, and anyone who wasn’t a bender (canonically, all Air Nomads were benders, but clearly Vathara knows better) were kicked out and forced to live among the other nations, which boiled down to the Air Nomads inflicting their criminals on everyone else. Since they were all conditioned to not be attached to anything, the Air Nomads wandered around the world, causing disruption and refusing to deal with the consequences of their actions. Oh, and little things like “compassion” were brainwashed away too, apparently (which is, like, the antithesis of actual Buddhist belief – hey, Vathara, compassion’s the whole point). And it turns out that their pacifism was a hypocritical sham, forced on them by one bitter old monk (who started the temple system) who was jealous of the warlords and seized power during a power vacuum and remade the whole culture in his image (and apparently by forcing the airbenders to be peaceful, he somehow locked them out of most of their powers, including healing… somehow). Yeah, so basically, Vathara’s Air Nomads were a literal brainwashing cult created by an evil old man bitter because he wasn’t a good warrior as a form of revenge, and everything Aang knew about his people was a lie! I can get trying to grey up the Air Nomads a bit, break a few of Aang’s pedestals, but this is just excessive. And, sort of as the antithesis of how it seems like nobody can ever get a word in edgewise arguing with a Fire Nation character, any time Aang tries to defend his people, he’s met with evidence of some new horrible thing they did.

Now, like I said, Embers doesn’t try to justify the genocide itself. The mass murder is clearly portrayed as wrong (though it also has some of the edge taken off – a lot of the kids got out, with help, and there are enclaves of surviving airbenders around the world, including in the Fire Nation, so Aang’s not really the Last Airbender). But at the same time, the destruction of the Temples themselves and the culture that was based there… Vathara seems to think that was good, or at least necessary? She even has Gyatso, or at least his ghost, seem to agree with her on that. And, okay, I hate it. I hate that Vathara took a peaceful, monastic people from canon and turned them into evil baby stealers, for reasons I’m not entirely sure on (partially, I feel this may be to punish Aang specifically – more on that when we get to characters – but I also can’t help but wonder if a Buddhist monk wronged Vathara somehow in real life, because it’s sort of… weirdly personal). But I especially hate it because the Air Nomads are a stand-in for people groups who have faced genocide in real life – Tibetan Buddhists most obviously, of course, but others as well. And while Vathara did say in some of her ANs that she wanted to engage with the sort of propaganda that makes genocide possible… what she honestly ended up doing, IMO, was creating a culture where that propaganda is true (they’re not like us! They don’t think like us! They don’t value our culture! They don’t care about family or loyalty! Peaceful coexistence with them just isn’t possible!). And, well, by about the dozenth chapter where I feel like I’m being treated to the Protocols of the Air Temple Elders (seriously, the only thing that saves the fic from flat-out slandering the Air Nomads with blood libel is that they don’t seem to steal other nations’ children – though honestly, I wouldn’t put it past Embers’s Air Nomads) I just feel angry. Even Yangchen gets reduced to having been a brainwashed nun who had to be saved by the yaoren before she could realize her destiny as the Avatar. I just… am deeply disturbed Vathara thought going this far was okay, and desperately hope the unfortunate implications here were unintentional. Desperately.

The Water Tribes: Vathara’s take on the Water Tribes has me torn. On the one hand, she does go into a lot of detail about what the lives and customs of an actual Arctic tribal people might entail, in particular how their wars and raiding work, how their chiefs lead and gain honor, the role of women elders in the tribe as peacemakers, negotiators and sources of wisdom and authority, etc. I like all that stuff a lot. But there’s also some problems. The biggest problem, as I’ll get to when we talk about characters, is Katara. Vathara openly hates Katara, and a lot of what we learn about the Water Tribes is filtered through her take on Katara, which ends up painting a lot of it in a bad light. Furthermore, a lot of the comments Vathara makes about the research she did for the worldbuilding here comes across as, well, pretty condescending in the way she explains how “tribes” have to prioritize survival above all else (as if “tribes” are some sort of unified phenomenon), using the “E word” unironically when talking about real-life Inuit peoples, and the hopefully unintentional implication that anyone who lives in the Arctic is definitionally driven insane by the lack of a regular day-night cycle. Ultimately, this ends up painting a picture of the Water Tribes (especially the Southern Tribe; the Northern and Foggy Swamp tribes don’t get as much focus) as backwards and parochial, focused on their own communities above all else and not really caring about the rest of the world except as it affects them; also, they’re seemingly obsessed with revenge, to the point that it’s treated as fact that if a Water Tribe Avatar is born while the Hundred Years’ War is still ongoing, it will almost certainly end with said Avatar leading their people to commit genocide on the Fire Nation as “enemies of the tribe” (which also serves to feed the fic’s ideas about Fire Nation victimhood, and is part of a general trend where the fic equates “the desire to see the Fire Nation as a state and military power defeated” with “virulent racism against the Fire Nation as a people”). Also, Vathara’s waterbenders have the power to control other peoples’ emotions and bind them together towards common attitudes and goals; it’s very telling that unlike Fire Nation loyalty, this is called out as being creepy and dangerous, and Katara gets portrayed as a terrible person for doing it, albeit subconsciously. It’s not all bad – Water Tribe warriors, including Sokka, Hakoda, and Bato, tend to get fairly sympathetic portrayals (even though they do sometimes need other characters to explain things to them that I really think they shouldn’t) but then you also get weird asides like the implication that Gran Gran is apparently into murder and eugenics(!) on rather spurious reasoning. So, all in all, it’s a mixed bag, with some genuinely interesting worldbuilding I actually really like, that unfortunately often gets filtered through a seeming need to make Katara look bad that negatively impacts the portrayal of the whole culture.

The Earth Kingdom: This will be the shortest section, as Vathara’s Earth Kingdom feels very close to the canon Earth Kingdom. Even earthbenders’ form of mind control apparently just involves binding people to honor contracts and agreements, which is pretty straightforward and doesn’t get much focus. The biggest issue is the Dai Li. Honestly, I think Vathara gives the Dai Li more overt whitewashing than she does the Fire Nation. Vathara’s Dai Li are actually supposed to be an order of badass spirit-fighters, protecting the people from dangerous spirit world threats, which they apparently still do most of the time, with the whole "secret police” thing being more of a sideline. While Long Feng is still presented as evil, the overall vibe is more that the Dai Li are only corrupt because he’s in charge, rather than the whole organization being rotten (and we’re treated to a number of sympathetic Dai Li characters, most obviously Shirong, while the Gaang get called out for assuming the Dai Li are evil, even though none of their interactions with them have given them any reason to think otherwise). And even Long Feng gets a war hero backstory he didn’t have in canon. I assume this is more of Vathara’s desire to add moral greyness to the setting, but, well, I don’t think that the creepy authoritarian secret police were a group that really needed a sympathetic POV showing that they’re mostly a bunch of honorable men who just want what’s best for their city and it’s just the guy in charge who’s a bad apple, honest! She also gives Kuei a bunch of superpowers for being Earth King, which I’ll discuss when I get to the fic’s themes since I view it as part of a larger trend.

Spirits: Embers uses spirits a lot; it also really plays up the blue and orange morality of spirits in a way I genuinely like and appreciate (though Vathara seems weirdly defensive about this, like she expects her readers to assume that all spirits must be “good guys” and she has to defend a different portrayal, despite the fact that in my experience most of the Avatar fandom considers spirits to be assholes and thinks the world would be better off without them). I do have one particular issue, though. Maybe no one else cares, but as a grad student in religious studies it bugs me so much. That’s Vathara’s use of real-world deities. Agni as the Fire Nation’s patron god has some slight basis in canon, since Fire Nation honor duels are called Agni Kais (Agni is the name of the Vedic fire god… but it’s also literally just the word for “fire” in Vedic Sanskrit) but then out of nowhere partway through the fic she throws in Guanyin as a deity worshipped in the Earh Kingdom, and Tengri as the deity of the Air Nomads. Tengri, in real life, is the chief deity of Tengrism, a traditional religion of Mongolia (which ties back to the connection between the historical Air Nomads as fantasy Mongols from the fic’s history) while Guanyin is indeed venerated in China – but she’s a Buddhist bodhisattva, which is especially weird because the Earth Kingdom isn’t really coded Buddhist in either the show or Embers (shouldn’t the Air Nomads be the ones revering a bodhisattva? And this one really gets me in particular; for some reason, likely Guanyin’s comparative real-life prominence, it feels as immersion-breaking as if it turned out one of the Air Temples was now home to a sect of Christian or Manichaean monks). It’s especially jarring because the Water Tribes still revere the Moon and Ocean Spirits rather than real-world deities (and Vathara gets their names backwards – the Moon is Tui and the Ocean is La, but she flips them for some reason). Honestly, I wouldn’t use real-world deities in the Avatarverse in the first place (I have referenced Agni in some of my old fanfics, following fanon at the time, and I now consider that something of an old shame, fwiw) and if I did, I’d stick with a unified theme of Vedic deities (going off of Agni) rather than taking a grab bag of different traditions and trying to weld them into one cosmology.

The Avatar and Yaoren: Vathara’s take on the Avatar is… interesting. On the one hand, she does have a running theme of each Avatar having to wrestle with their predecessor’s mistakes which I like, and which basically became canon as we got more stories focused on different Avatars (though I do think Vathara sometimes takes it a bit too far, making it seem like the Avatar has caused more problems than they’ve solved; seriously, what did Kyoshi do to you?). On the other hand, she for some reason feels the need to retcon that the Avatar is not actually the reincarnation of their predecessors, but the World Spirit (this fic being mostly written before the introduction of Raava) choosing a new, different human host each time. And I absolutely don’t get the point to this (conceptually, the Avatar is basically a cross between the Dalai Lama and the Avatars of Vishnu, and in traditional interpretations that’s not how either of those work) and it mostly just seems to be thrown in to give Aang something else to be wrong about. Yaoren, on the other hand, Vathara loves; they’re her own creation and as two-element benders are basically mini-avatars (though they’re actually older than the Avatar) and of course Zuko gets to be one. And while the fic goes into a lot of detail about how traumatic the experience of becoming a yaoren is, the way it also lays on thick how important yaoren are and how the Avatar needs them as advisors and how the world falling out of balance is partially due to their decline and how her yaoren characters (especially Langxue) seem to have a better idea of what’s going on and how to fix it than everyone else just oftentimes makes it feel like she’s really laying it on thick regarding how amazing this creation of hers is, with the traumatic aspect being more about milking more sympathy for Zuko than something that actually affects the plot (ie, being a yaoren supposedly cuts Zuko out of the line of succession for good, since he’s now technically a waterbender… but that ends up not mattering because the position of Fire Lord is abolished anyway, and it doesn’t stop him from becoming the Great Name of Dragons’ Wings once it’s established).

Well, this is all getting a little long, so I think I’ll stop here for now and split my overall review into two parts (at least). I hope you’ll join us next time, as we dig into characters, plot, theme, and the fic’s relationship to canon. And if you’re reading this and do like Embers, please keep in mind that I’m not trying to attack you for liking it, and all of this is just my own opinion, no more, and no less. Otherwise, see you soon (fingers crossed!) for part two!

[madstronaut]

back on my captain rex clone wars bullshit

I happened to come across ONE captain rex fanart on my twt and for a short period of time I am once again salivating on the hour for rex o captain my captain

have you ever read something so good every so often something just reminds you of it from time to time and then WHAM you are back deep in your hyperfixation???? no??? only me???? kk

this fic is basically what got me into the sex pollen of it all but also I cannot explain how perfect it is as a 'love at first sight, but duty restrains me from pursuit' fic (also freaked out completely seeing she has alternate POV shortfics of this story too)

im neck deep in a different fandom rn but I kind of wanna say regardless (though the STW lore touches are just *CHEFS KISS*) this is so well-written i truly believe anyone who loves love stories would enjoy this??? idk give it a go <3

(also yes I know I use *chef's kiss* liberally but I am buying lipgloss in bulk to try and properly convey my love for fanfic *re-applying gloss as we speak to get back into the commentin trenches*) shoutout to rare beauty and milk makeup lip oils, my current faves

Reading: Hierarchy of Needs by @zinzinina

His answering laugh is a crackle of static through the helmet, and you nurse a tiny seed of triumph at the sound.

- getting ur crush to react/laugh at something is like more addictive and powerful than cocaine, scientific fact

Frustrated, he yanks his helmet off, peering inside. You can hear the roar of static even from your position several feet away. “That’s a negative, sir. Comms are jammed.”

- i am also weak for these battle-hardened clone troopers calling their jedi f!commanders “sir”

- i am so feral for both the unintentional close quarters contact and jedi reader being able to sense his thoughts but not really put the pieces together that he has the hots for her

“wot? he’s noticing my face and breath and my scent? hes nervous? oh he looked at my lips? hmmm? what he inadvertently felt up my waist and probably felt my under/sideboob? ugh i must be grossing him out” LMAO

(also dropping in the noticing lips from Rex’s POV drabble here because it is also just CHEFS KISS)

You don’t know enough about physical intimacy to know whether it was normal that you’d spent the next several days recalling the feeling of his hands on your body. That you’d stood alone in your tiny chamber back at the temple, pressing your own, much smaller hands to your waist, eyes shut.

- i have also done this before and the power of physical touch is just MMMMM

you watch as he runs a hand over his buzzed-short white hair, a gesture you’ve noticed he resorts to whenever he’s feeling stressed. 

It sounds almost gruesomely flippant, but you can tell it’s not meant to be said with irony. He means it, and you can’t tell through his proud, carefully dignified clip how that simple fact affects him. You speak before thinking. 

“Is that the way you feel as a soldier, or as a person?”

- once again i am mebbe seeing a pattern to the stories i am drawn to but i feel like picking up on someone’s nonverbal cues are the first signs of love/affection <3 and also once again… SOLDIERS ARE PEOPLE? WHAT A NOVEL IDEA? WITH WHOLE ASS LIVES, THOUGHTS, LOVES, HATES, DESIRES, WANTS, ETC. ETC. ETC.  NOT CANNON FODDER/MEAT FOR THE MEAT GRINDER, NO MATTER THE (BULLSHIT) JUSTIFICATIONS?? I feel clone wars really does explore the sheer brutality and horror of war as much as can for a kids’ show (hah) and considering it’s in a fantasy space opera sci-fi settin but anyway i did not expect to go on a little nonsexy rant here but current events have been way too prominent in my mind and heart lately and fic has been one of my to-go comforts/safe spaces to regroup lately - anyway I DIGRESS BACK TO SIMPING - if you are a captain rex fan you know the absolute bullshit this nothing less than loyal and faithful soldier has been through and once again jedi reader’s compassion and care for him is one of the things that really make this fic so special for me and has kept me coming back to read it over and over <3

You lean forward, bringing the palm of your bare hand up to cup the side of his face. You can feel the sharpness of his cheekbone under your touch, the hollow underneath the angle. He freezes, flushing a beautiful rose underneath his copper, all the way up to his forehead. Before he has time to question what you’re doing, your eyes slip shut. Concentrating hard, you channel as much gentle comfort as you can up through your hands. 

You imagine it as a pale glow, soothing and light. Like... hugging him, through the Force. You hold for him a couple of seconds before you let him go, suddenly self conscious. That was inappropriate, you think, wincing. 

- i know this is a sex pollen fic but…this is one of my favorite moments in the whole story. <3 I aspire to give and be given moments like this with those around me <3

You lean back in the jump seat, watching him work. You think you’ve figured it out. That indefinable something about his face that sets him so staunchly apart from his brothers. It’s the eyes. They’re the saddest, kindest ones you think you’ve ever seen.

- 🥹🥹🥹🥹

“Another addition to your list of things I’ve done to disappoint you: leaving that pretty face unprotected.” Oh, Stars. What possessed you to say that? With your back to him, you’re glad he can’t see you cringe.

He doesn’t follow you immediately, and you get the impression he’s sifting though several different things he wants to say before coming up with this: “If we did have anything to filter out the air here, you’d be the one wearin’ it, General.”

-😏😏😏😏i am very into this awkward flirting

You have no idea why you’re telling him this. You sound like an idiot. It must be the lack of blood in your head. You swallow, eyes darting helplessly back to the lines of his broad back and the way it narrows down to his waist, the contrast exaggerated by his armour.

- also jedi reader listen slutty little waists will distract everyone, okay, you are not immune

His responses until now have been amused, but there’s a definite edge of dignified loftiness in his tone as he sniffs. “ I’ve never witnessed anythin’ to indicate General Skywalker’s conduct is ever less than appropriate with the senator.”

-me, reading this: OMG S H U T UP REX  😂 😂 😂

Tentative, you open your mind to him fractionally. And you’re surprised to find he’s… concentrating on remembering military codes. Hard. It’s not the first time he’s exerted this much effort to conceal his thoughts from you, but this is a new level of extreme.

- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA also the implications of jedi being able to ‘sense’ other troopers (and other jedis? ppl in general??) jerking off is just…HMMM

- shoutout to melty acid sap tree for contributions to the rip ur clothes off immediately fund, pouring one out for you 

And it’s then, blinking the beads of water from your eyes, that you sense the ripple - both through the Force and across the top of the water. Distilled, razor sharp desire.

- <33333 also this made me think of those ocean snakes that ppl sometimes randomly find in the middle of the ocean

- when rex gave his pauldron to reader i suspected she projected too hard and maybe he saw what she was picturing here 😏

- my left brain was delighted the jedi refused to rescue reader&rex and strand them on Planet Horny; my right brain/sense of conscience was FUCKING INFURIATED at the jedi stranding the two there and in this essay about geopolitics and wartime triage and the inherent nihilism and existential crises experienced during war i will-

“Remember your training. There may yet be an unseen path forward in which you find a way to survive. May the Force be with you.”

- i would take this as a blank cheque to get dicked down due to extenuating circumstances tbh, go ahead jedireader, u can do it 👊👊👊

- ah yes MEDICAL ASSISTANCE/UNORTHODOX METHODS is what the clones are calling it these days eh

It makes your next words thoughtless, and unguarded. “This is my fault, s-somehow, a test, maybe… the Force… it’s punishment for the way I’ve… thought a-about you. For not heeding the Code.”

- something about the way the reader is so apologetic of her candidness just bursting forth (but it’s literally the best parts of her/what she says???? like her force healing comfort touch before???) makes her so endearing to me - and also the most perfect way to basically confess a coworker crush in his settting lmao

- once again, facts being stated here that the sluttiest/most forbidden thing you can do is *gags* want to HOLD HANDS *resumes gagging* <333

“Didn’t want you stuck out here with someone who couldn’t take care of you properly. Not the way I could.” 

- DOUBLE ENTENDRE ALERT DOUBLE ENTENDRE ALERT

- i know they have wild flora-assisted monkey sex later on but i really think the most intimate moment in this fic is when rex actively allows his thoughts to be read by jedireader and she senses not just how horny he is for her but the roots of his crush starting and the evolving past basic lust and attraction to devotion and that four-lettered L word and honestly to me this is one of the most powerful moments in the fic

 “I’m not asking you for anything. But I, ah, just needed you to know. It wouldn’t… bother me.” 

- OMg YOU SELF-SACRIFICING UNSELFISH NOBLE FREAK JUST LET LOOSE FOR ONCE AND LET HER KNOW YOU ARE DOWN BAD FOR HER YOU CAN EVEN BLAME THE GODDAMN PLANTS

He removes his gloves one by one, standing up to lean over you in the cramped space. He looks stern despite the state of distress you can feel rolling off his tortured body. “Like I said, then. Leggings off.”

- i am not into petplay but omg the things i would do/not do for this man if he said literally anything to me that sounded liek a command

 You know enough about sex to know that this is… procedure, preperatory,

- gurl u literally did it once for 3 min and you think- smh e d u c a t e yourself

- at this point i need to contain myself from literally just copypasting every single dialogue and description because im just spamming at this point but rex disappointed that he’s not being the usual going down king that he is due to debilitating medical circumstances is both the funniest and most in-world headcanon shit ive ever read

This seems to be unique; just something between him and you. You can feel every part of him. Not just his cock, splitting you open. But every thought, every feeling. 

- wholesome smut is my bread butter and my jam forever and ever amen

- i absolutely love all the classic rex quips in this whole fic - “lucky im no jedi” slayed me

- also chaste first-time kiss while being balls deep is how i’d like to imagine my ideal death, not taking any questions tyvm

- also how convenient would it be if you could just telepathically be like ok now lets switch positions or i wanna try this or etc etc (assuming you’d be coherent enough while getting dicked down though is another thing entirely)

- deeply (no pun intended) enjoyed the use of pinion here re: rex’s cock pinioning reader to floor while changing positions (also what is sexier than pausing in the middle of reading smut to look up a word? ty fanfic i learn something new all the time with you <3)

Perhaps he says them for his own benefit; to hear it spoken aloud as he ruins and reforms you again and again.

And, you think, addled with longing and sadness and joy all in one, fuck it. Here, removed from the context of the rest of the galaxy, you’re just people. Not clones, or soldiers, or Jedi. Just humans, naked and weak and needing.

- when the sex is so good you experience post-nut clarity during sex and not after *chef’s kiss*

- also rex being jealous of reader’s own hands on their boobs is something i would tack in my brain walls like a college diploma

- i enjoyed the happy ending here hoping rex & reader had so much sex they literally invented new positions, i would have died happy but also a CH2???? I remember screaming at like dogwhistle decibel pitch when i learned about a ch2 being written

- i like to think kix as a war medic has Seen Some Shit™️ and then some and a part of me wonders how much he suspects sometimes lol

He’d been so firm but gentle, his hands commanding and familiar with you yet reverent; searching for answers in your skin. But it wasn’t just the way he touched you. Even though you know nobody else will ever touch you the same way again; have been painfully reminded as much in every waking moment. You imagine it completely, holding the image of his face close as your muscles begin to seize. Those soft, deep eyes, creasing with concerned affection all the way to the tops of his cheekbones. His full, slightly dry lips parting against yours, remembering the way he’d breathed deeply through his nose as he kissed you, cupping the back of your head in his hand like he could take you into himself with every one of his senses.

It had been the way he looked at you. Like he could see clear down to every single hidden part; the shallowest, ugliest, unworthiest parts — and he had wanted you just the same.

- 🥹🥹🥹🥹 again, this is some of the most beautiful writing ive ever read <3 

It’s just… him. His warmth, and pride, and gruffness, and that endless, limitless compassion. The way he’d sought out the junior-most members of the squad deployed early in your mission and clapped their shoulders, committing their self-chosen names to memory. The way he seemed so much taller than his brothers despite standing at identical heights; something in the lift of his chin.

- this is so true! compassion and character is the hottest thing periodt and turns me on/gets me falling in love like nothing else - i wish it could be outwardly visible as readily as looks and facial features and clothing and sense of style are but ANYWAY I DIGRESS-

- beholding pissed off shirtless rex in grey sweatpants who just shaved his head is a religious experience, do not @ me

- i feel the reader on a spiritual level when she got fucking pissed at rex’s thumb bruise <3

- im both torn by rex’s slavish devotion to duty but also truly i feel the fic captures his character so well because HE TOTALLY WOULD BE saying shit like “but ur vows-“ it is so intensely tragic that it makes him so lovable to me (anyway its like 3am im rambling so probably gonna get more and moer unhinged)

- if rex called me “love” while bemoaning how masturbation while fantasising about you is just not the same as being with you i think i would proudly declare i have won at life

- also his “He doesn’t immediately understand, seeming to think hard as he tries to figure out exactly which thought you’d plucked from his head.” makes me think captain encyclopedic-knowledge-of-military-codes-&-procedure probably has an encyclopedia of fantasies involving reader lmao

That same chivalry that informed every single time he touched you was telling him now that he’d rather kneel for you. But as much as he’s a gentleman in every single sense of the word, he can’t deny this: he does want it.  

-💙💙💙💙💙💙

- also feral for rex being considerate enough to say “dont hurt yourself” while getting his soul sucked out via his dick

- is there something as beautiful as watching someone come apart to the point they start reverting to their native language? anyway all that mando’a i learned via stw fanfic is all rushing back to me now

- once again peak yearning when they cuddle naked 💙

And so you listen to it. The energy surrounding this moment, gathering between your bodies… it’s something you’ve recognised countless times during deep meditation; surrounded by unquestionable goodness. Light. Pure and undeniable and beautiful.

- i am obsessed with this whole scene and dynamic and build-up; personally speaking as someone who is navigating and has decided to settle down for now in the weird demilitarized zone of the venn diagram between where sacred and profane supposedly “never” intersect and find a desire to both explore sexuality and faith in my own unique path (shoutout to all my fellow readers navigating religious trauma and looking to thrive not just survive, there’s way too fucking many of us tbh) i feel very very seen in reader navigating her jedi commitments and values with finding love with prisonertoempireslaveclone trooper captain rex

Fresh desire drips hot into your stomach, but it’s nothing like before. It isn’t urgent, or shameful. There’s none of the pained fear, so uncontrollable as you’d fled from your own thoughts, run into increasingly tighter circles. No, this feels as simple as a tide drawn by a celestial body overhead. Gentle and inescapable, eternal and safe. 

- again peak writing here, thinking of an IRL time i walked out onto a beach in the middle of the night with a lover and i could see miles and miles of empty shore and stars in the sky and i felt the strongest feeling of freedom and safety i ever felt next to him - same vibes here  💙💙💙💙

- something i love about this story is you never hear rex and reader say i love you to each other, but they basically yell it at the top of their lungs with their bodies/actions and overhear it in each other’s thoughts which is just UNNFFFFFF

- the mood whiplash of fucking ANAKIN learning about them and getting to gloat about them sneaking off was a cherry on top perfect ending to this story UGH

i will be returning to my long-ass list of COD fanfics to comment on after this but it is now 3:14am and this took me by the throat (in both the sexy and unsexy way) and I was not allowed to rest until I finished writing this out so HAPPY VALENTINES YALL

[lucent-roase]

new intro because my last one kinda sucked

hi, my name is Lucent! please don’t shorten it, just Lucent!! i’m genderfluid, and primarily use they/xe, though i’m fine with she/he too. i use interchangable terms (such as sir or miss) so don’t worry about misgendering me!!

i mean this in the humblest way, but i aim to be a very nice person. i’m not the tamest and i freak out when i see cool art (and people), but i try to be as positive as possible, and i try not to make fun of people. so as long as you don’t make me or anyone else uncomfortable, comment and ask away! also, if you would like to be mutuals, i would rather you send an ask rather than a dm. but feel completely free to!!! i don’t bite!!!!

speaking of mutuals, if you would like to be friends, i don’t mind Y’ALL giving me a message. BUT DON’T FEEL OBLIGED TO!

my favorite ship is Huntlow. i have so many headcanons. they’re both. i will save this for another post. i kin Willow very, so, many. much. it’s. SCREAMS.

okay, now for the longer bit. i love The Owl House and i make fanart for that mostly. i love Six of Crows too, but beyond that, i don’t plan on drawing any other fandoms. here are my reasons and exceptions:

-i don’t enjoy drawing anything else

-if i don’t know enough about a fandom i just don’t know if it’s toxic or not. i know a lot of other shows/games etc. but if i don’t know what’s going on or which ships are problematic and such, it wouldn’t look good for me.

-drawing and posting on tumblr is for fun! i’m not currently doing commissions so if i don’t gain anything from it i’ll probably get burnt out

-if it’s an au i’ll consider it (but again if i really don’t know enough about a fandom i probably won’t get around to do it. also, the au would have to be of TOH characters in that universe or something, not the other way around).

i don’t mean to be a debbie downer about what i post, i just don’t feel comfortable drawing things i don’t like. and whenever someone asks me to, i feel really bad.

well, while i’m on track i should probably post my other boundaries too…

-please do not dm me if i don’t know you, and ESPECIALLY if i haven’t seen you interact with me at all. personally, that raises a red flag. i love, love, love asks, but dms are a bit more… intimate.

-not a big fan of drawing ocs. again, if i don’t enjoy something, it’s hard for me to draw it. i might draw Golden Guard ocs though. my friend has one named Henry.

-i’ve never drawn NSFW, and i don’t plan on drawing any based off asks. if i do in the future, it will most likely be something i come up myself. i might change this policy in the future, but i mostly draw minors as of now. please don’t be weird, thank you.

-i cannot draw anything but humanoid characters for the life of me. if i could draw furries, i would.

-i promise i am not egotistical, but for any future reference (in case i get closer to any mutual or SOMETHING) i am in a very loving relationship with @drawingindirt.

i apologize for it being so much, but if you read everything, thank you!! it means a lot to me. i’ll update this every once in a while.

[boreal-sea]

I feel like there’s this disconnect for a lot of people because they either underestimate the reach of radfem rhetoric or simply don’t realize it exists. Feminists who aren’t intending to be radfems but sound like them when they get get upset when marginalized men try to speak on their experiences because they conflate them with MRAs. And the problem is that the most privileged white cishet able bodied traditionally masculine men are also spouting crap about how women having rights is “harmful to mens’ mental health”, so I can understand where this immediate attack on any posts discussing mens’ mental health and positivity for men by marginalized men comes from, but it’s still so harmful. That’s what scares me.

I definitely think MRAs exist, the most privileged men freaking out over losing even an ounce of that power, but I don’t think acting like any person trying to speak on mens’ rights is an MRA helps us at all. As a cis woman, I get that it’s a knee jerk response because the MRA movement was so relatively recent and awful, but I think there needs to be a willingness for people to stop and consider whether that is actually the case or whether it’s a man of color or queer man or disabled man trying to speak on his experiences and being silenced. I’ve seen so many posts trying to have this conversation get derailed by people who seem to have good intentions but are unfortunately still parroting radfem talking points and it’s just frustrating. I don’t know what the solution is but we seem to be at a point where we’re just spinning our wheels and making no progress and that’s harming everyone.

Yeah - MRAs and "incels" and all of those kinds of misogynistic, sexist guys who celebrate the patriarchy and think they're owed women, who think feminism is evil, and use phrases like "feminazis", absolutely do exist! And their rhetoric is absolutely harmful! Like you will not find me denying the existence of these assholes.

But as you said: guys speaking up about how the patriarchy harms them are not inherently misogynistic dickheads. A lot of them are in fact marginalized men who in a lot of cases are probably less privileged than the women screaming at them.

(but don't try to show a radfem research showing she could be more privileged than a man, she'll have an aneurysm and I can't be responsible for that lol)

The solution is for people to stop jerking their fucking knees and grow beyond the influence of radical feminism. I did it, they can too. I'm not gonna sit here and say I wasn't influenced by radical feminism in my early days online. I absolutely was. But then I started to think for myself and not like a member of a hate group trying to capitalize on my outrage.