#hypergamy advice

[richarlotte]

Tuesday’s Wisdom.

[rihnely]

[maenadmaiden]

[withloveheart]

One of the best things I learned was that it was never too late to start over.

I've heard this being said before but it never really clicked until I met someone who embodied it fully and unapologetically. My Palestinian neighbors had a relative who I had always looked up to when I was in high school. She was smart, funny, loving, and most importantly knew her worth. Her worth wasn't spoken about. Never had I heard her utter things like "I'm confident" or "I know my worth" or anything else along those lines. However, she did embody it.

When I was in high school she was being courted by a man who seemed to adore her and shower her with love. From the outside looking in, he seemed enamored with her. At some point, she accepts to being his wife. They have a lovely engagement party. The wedding was going to be even better. So, imagine my surprise, and many others, when on the day of the wedding, as people are getting ready and making their way to the venue, the entire thing is called off. Money was already put in. Money they couldn't get back. The reason for calling off the wedding? This man began to insult her and make some interesting remarks and as a result she decided she wasn't going through the wedding. I don't know what was said but I do know her family made it clear that she should've worked it out rather than just leave especially on the actual wedding day. After all, what would people think? For those who don't know, plenty of Middle Eastern and North African cultures would view this as an issue. And I personally know many women who have had deep regrets over their marriage but were too worried about the stigma of canceling the wedding when it was so close and the potential of being seen as difficult or spoiled. Of course, this wasn't everyone but a good majority.

Seeing this very statement of "never too late to start over" be embodied by someone wholeheartedly really altered my perspective when I was younger. I also got to see first hand the strength it requires to start over while everyone around you is judging your very decision. Thanks to her I grew up with a solid example to follow and have tried my best to have this attitude with everything in my life. Personally, it has paid off well.

[beauteaful]

🎀The Dream Girl Sorority🎀

Being on a femininity/ level up/ hypergamy journey can get lonely. Most of the time, we don't start out with like-minded friends.

A few of us got inspired by 2pretty/ Kelsey and her old dreamgirl sorority to make our own server (as that one is no longer active).

The server is full of amazing women, helpful advice and stories of all the ups and down that accompany us on this journey.

If you'd like to join, here's the link!

🎀Stay safe🎀

[fr0gc4t]

this made me realize how much the way we speak says about us and what i need to work on to show up as the type of person i want to! thank you for posting this, it’s really helpful!

i wanted to add something to the 4th one! i’m in dbt (dialectical behavioral therapy) and my therapist says the same thing about the word “but”. she says to use “and” in its place instead! it sounds a little weird at first because we don’t usually use it this way, *and* it’s technically still gramatically correct! so it’s amazing to use as a more validating alternative to “but”!

Yes, but it’s also true that I’m right

You’re right about that, and… [finish it with your perspective].

I can totally see where you’re coming from, and… [finish it with your perspective].

if you want to come across as less judgemental and more validating, it’s also good to practice using “and” instead of “but” in your general day-to-day speech!

EDIT: i also wanted to add to the 3rd one! instead of “it’s okay” or “i forgive you”, i say “thank you”. it’s polite and courteous, but you’re also making them sit in the guilt and not forgiving them just because they apologized, like you said.

FORMAL COMMUNICATION 101: Phrases we are NO longer using, why, and what to use instead

1. I'm sorry/ I apologize

-> apology is admission of guilt. The law girlies have more on this. Admission of guilt is a submissive state that puts you under the dominance of someone else.

Instead, make it a praise moment for the other person

I'm so sorry I'm late that won't happen again

Thank you for your patience. Shall we begin?

2. In my opinion

Unless youre the spokesperson of a group its obvious what you say is your opinion. Pointing out out has an energy of 'don't attack me' which takes from your confidence and makes you seem weak since you're so used to being attacked to your opinion to a point you've resulted to pre-defense

Instead, use I think/ I'm of the opinion that

In my opinion equality is subjective

I'm of the opinion equality is subjective.

3. It's okay

It never is. Even if it is, a person apologizing is admitting guilt, let them sit in it that puts you in the position of power. Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever use those two words okay? Okay. It's the most awwwww naw pick me you get.

Instead use any firmer phrase, depending on your reaction (just because they apologized doesn't mean it's okay)

Nah it's okay it's all good

I didn't appreciate that, it's for the best that it doesn't happen again

I hear your apology / you. See you next time

(Uh we NEVER forgive someone just because they apologized. A place in your life must be earned, an apology isn't words its action)

4. Yes, but.

They contradict each other, usually one uses them to validate a point while contradicting it and it's always a flop. "But" indicates contradiction/ resistance, no one likes that.

Yes, but it's also true that I'm right

I see where you're coming from, it makes sense from that angle. It however also makes sense from this angle, I think it's time we consider dualism / dichotomy.

5. If that makes sense

Submission 101. Little miss I have no faith in my intellectual abilities and want to exempt myself from the embarrassment of being wrong/ little miss I can not withstand conflict so I play it down. Do. Not. It makes sense or it doesn't, say what you're saying and go.

The alternative is using 'I'm of the opinion that' / 'from where I'm standing'.

Well, women work twice as hard and face twice more challenges, if that makes sense

From where I'm standing / I'm of the opinion of / in my experience, women work twice as hard and face twice more challenges

Pro tip: your opinion / experience can not be challenged since one would have to be in your place to do so. It's the ultimate power point.

6. Just

Nothing is more annoying than women that use this especially when making a case in a formal situation. No one will take you seriously when you sound like a teenager with self esteem issues. This downplaying of an opinion/ situation/ point to literally look smaller and less threatening isn't just submissive its pathetic. Unless youre talking to your friends stop that.

It's just that he said its okay so

No it's just I don't think we should

It just doesn't make any sense to me that-

There's no substitute for completely eliminating this word from your conversation. None. And speak with your voice steady and back upright, that little soft sound that accompanies this phrase is worse.

7. Of course /

Especially after being asked to to a favor / task this eagerness to please doesn't sound very high value to me. Of course is possibly the highest level of willing submission

"Of course I will (enter task)"

I'll see if I can, I'll do my best.

'Yeah sure' is the closest evil cousin.

[dreamgirlvibes]

[mauvefiles]

When a woman is consistently spoken to softly & treated gently, she becomes a new woman. You're helping her heal her nervous system, you're helping her heal generational trauma, you're allowing her feminine energy to flourish, you're helping her to remember who she is.

[femininedating]

How to receive Princess Treatment from men:

Raise your standards. Never settle for the bare minimum or less.

Expect the best. Have high expectations.

Act like a princess. Take being called "boujee", "high maintainence" or "gold digger" as a compliment. Not everyone can have access to you or afford you. You are a luxury.

Look the part. Looks matter. You have to look good. The reality is men will treat you better if you look good

Have a PRIZE mindset. Know that you're the prize.

Be Feminine. Feminine Energy is a valuable asset to have. Heal your wounded feminine energy and embody your divine feminine self. (My How to be more Feminine playlist)

Learn how to RECEIVE. Get comfortable with receiving. Say "Thank You" & express gratitude. (Learn to receive)

[cryptke]

[adviceformefromme]

Stop pressing your face against the glass window of your dreams, and be the woman that steps into the store and can buy whatever the fuck she wants. That’s the power you hold when you align with the life God has destined for you. It's that simple. Give yourself permission. Start walking, talking and acting like the woman who walks confidently into the store...Not the dreamer on the outside, not the one wishing and hoping as she walks away in disbelief. Don’t be her. Be YOU, who YOU were called to be.

[richarlotte]

one of the most important videos I’ve seen this year.

[maenadmaiden]

The truth is that leveled up young women know how to balance the Dionysian and the Apollonian and that's how they live better than a lot of the masses.

They haven't fallen for the grandma propaganda disguised as level up content and they know how to very smoothly go between focusing heavily on being as accomplished as possible and keeping a squeaky clean reputation and enjoying and capitalizing on their youth.

You need to learn how to work hard and play hard.

[withloveheart]

What do you feel about coffee dates being better because you can bail easier and it allows you to test the waters a lot better?

Hey habibti,

I don't see the reason why you can't bail or leave a dinner date? The only time I think that could be an issue is if you've been set up by a mutual friend or someone within your network and don't want to make your reputation look bad or be disrespectful to the person who is doing the matchmaking. Even for a good amount of those cases, there are still ways you can bail. Bailing on dinner dates isn't some mission impossible task. No one is holding a gun to your head to stay. Many women want to raise their standards and not allow a man to disrespect them and that is good. Yet not many people want to point out that if you are having a hard time walking away from something as simple as a dinner date, you will have an even harder time walking away from bigger issues in the relationships.

Dinner dates are also really good for the vetting process in my personal experience. The vetting process tends to be much quicker. Especially if you're paying attention.

Dinning Etiquette

On average dinner dates tend to be more formal and come with a certain set of expectations. The more experience someone has with dinner dates - especially at elevated restaurants - the more comfortable they are going to be at that environment. It's a good way of figuring out how familiar the man is to this sort of setting. It will be portrayed in the way he holds himself, his reaction to the menu and his knowledge of what is on it, the things he says, and more. When he eats, you will be able to take notice of whether he is good at navigating what fork to use and when to use it or does he look perplexed at what to do with the different utensils spread out before him. Men are expected to pay, that is pretty established, but with a dinner date you get to observe just how he reacts to having to pay. There are men who will pay but will expect something in return. Or his body language might expose him to be reluctant, annoyed, or seem like he was forced to pass over his card. A man who is used to these dates will behave very naturally and won't be causing a fuss whether that is verbally or nonverbally. You want to know if after he pays, he remains a gentleman and continues to behave just the way he was always behaving before the bill came. Keep in mind, there are men who will pay for a coffee but have trouble with paying for dinner too which is why I personally think dinner dates are better at vetting.

Personality

I love a man who can hold conversation. I'm not interested in men who have trouble guiding the conversation and seem to be at a loss for anything interesting to say. Nothing bores me more. Dinner dates are good at weeding out men like this. Especially since there is more pressure and his ability of holding a conversation is tested a lot better in comparison to a coffee date. It can also tell you a lot about his personality when it comes to planning a date, but I don't want to ramble too much on that. Dinner dates are also a great excuse for men to behave like gentleman. Depending on how he executes his mannerisms it can let you identify if it's natural for him to be a gentleman or just a temporary act. Initial observation is not always a guarantee, and this might take observation of his actions throughout your relationship to know if he is just naturally a gentleman, but dinner dates speed up that process or help set up the standard for that sort of treatment.

Men aren't obtuse to women feeling pressure to stay during the dinner date. Plenty of men know that it is very unlikely for a woman to just get up and leave. Most of us have had that experience where your friend has a terrible date and she's going on and on about one disrespect after the other and you are horrified as to all the things this man does, but for a lot of men they look at it differently. It's where the advice of don't tell men about how badly men treated you in your past relationships formed due to men using it to gauge how they can treat you and your self-worth. It's the same. There are constant stories online that men can come across of women giving these horrific date stories, their female friends are probably ranting to them about it, and they themselves have probably heard it from their friends or have done this to a girl. Men know most women aren't going to leave and that becomes a great vetting opportunity. There is a high chance that you are going to come in contact with a man who will use this to his advantage to be disrespectful, and once you've seen that you only need to leave. Vetting? Done. Barely any effort in situations like those. Casual dates where a woman can easily excuse herself and leave are less likely - not impossible - to show that side of a man. Thus, he has a better chance of convincing you that he is a great potential partner. Enough time for your brain to get hooked on him and start to make decisions blindly. These men are a lot smarter than what women will give them credit for.

Casual is getting in your way

Whenever the topic of casual dates is brought up, it's always framed as a date that can help you weed out or vet people you don't like, but personally I believe it has a way of hindering progress. There is a lot to notice about the way a man plans his dates. During the talking stage there will be certain details mentioned and men who pay attention are going to reflect that on the date. It's a small indicator of gauging his interest and personality. You can also see if he is the type to think ahead and assess the situation accurately. Some men might take you out some place loud and overwhelming, resulting in the two of you having trouble connecting and interacting with each other. Ultimately illustrating that this guy doesn't seem to think ahead. It could be overlooked if this was a restaurant he has never been to or if he bounces back from that mistake and learns from it. All of which can give you insight into how he handles problems and whether that works for you in a relationship. With a date that requires more effort and time out of both parties, it's a lot easier to clearly notice this.

Even when it comes to the vetting process, dates that tend to show more effort, specifically the formal ones, tend to give more opportunities for you to ask more serious questions. Questions that could help you with your vetting process. Additionally, it's important to note that if you are surrounded by friends and family with different dating standards, you are more prone to opening yourself up to people discouraging you of your own standards. I have friends who like to be spoiled and I have friends who do 50/50. I don't really judge if a woman wants to live her way differently than me. I know I can stand firm on my boundaries and what I expect out of life. However, many of you reading this could be still working on yourselves, maybe trying to destroy people pleasing tendencies, or just insecure about dating in general. When you aren't used to a certain treatment, it's easier for people to demoralize you. There are going to be woman who think you are overreacting when you complain about your coffee not being paid for and some women will not be ready to stand behind their standards as easily as others when it's under scrutiny.

I could argue this all day honestly.

With Love, Heart💚

[ash-says]

On today's episode of "Quit being Basic, be Iconic" I am here to info dump some basic survival skills that help me in my personal and professional life.

Yes I know I was MIA for the longest time but I am slowly trying to crawl back from my hibernation as it's Spring Ladiessss!!!

So no more delay let's get into it:

1) VALUE. VALUE. VALUE over anything. Be a person who has something to offer. Best if it's multiple things.

2) Know the cost of your value and trade it efficiently. Bargain like a Man and act humble like a Woman.

3) Arrogance without substance is a recipe for disaster. It's tricky being a woman you can't be arrogant because then you are a bitch and self stuck up (which you should be) but assess the right place to channel it. Don't be arrogant in front of your teachers or peers who might be useful to you tomorrow for sure (you know having a tribe kinda thing) but be arrogant with that girl in your class who is always making things difficult for you or with that guy who can't take a no for an answer. Arrogance with substance always but also served at the right place and right time just enough to scare them from causing any drama.

4) Honey we never stir up a drama but surely know how to end one.

5) This is a corporate tip: You don't threaten the person in power. Especially your boss who has the promotion. Never show who you are. Take time in assessing what is expected out of you not just from the work front but also as a person and soft skills wise. Blend yourself in their work style rather than expecting them to blend with yours.

6) Channel the masses but don't be afraid to fuck the masses if required. There's something really intriguing when you are one of them but still don't need them for anything.

7) Effortless. Everything you do should look effortless.

8) Don't say or act like you are above others 24/7. Pavlov them into it with small repeated consistent subtle reminders. It's all in the small things.

9) Never rush to impress or try to put on a performance. Even if you are, we have to make it look like that's you in your natural state. If that person was not here you would still act the same way. Impress them with your naturality. Baffle them with your skills.

10) One thing my manager told me early on in my job and I swear by it," Create dependency." Be a need not a want.

That's all I got. I am having a feeling I am repeating the same things again and again might need some time to gather my thoughts.