#i don’t think any other movie will ever top this in my lifetime it’s so fuckign good.

[zehl0w]

"And when the time comes you get the chance to really test the cut of your sails, and show 'em what you're made of, Well…. I hope I'm there. catchin' some of the light comin' off you that day"

Happy 20th birthday to my absolute favorite move of all time!!!!! My only regret in life is that I wasn’t born early enough to see Treasure Planet in theaters I can’t imagine how much of a changed woman I would be if I experienced it on the big screen. This movie is so very important to me and has consistently been in my number one spot since childhood it never fails to make me cry my eyes out no matter how many times I’ve watched it. I think as a fatherless child this movie is what sparked my complete love and adoration for found family troupes and child care animes LMAOO

If u haven’t seen treasure planet wtf is wrong with you!!!!!!! Go watch it rn!!!!!!!!! Genuine perfect fiction the whole movie is astounding (except Ben fuck you ben I hate you)

[lambertdiary]

After All These Years - Chapter Three

‎‎‎‎‎Chapter One ✩ Chapter Two ✩ Chapter Four

Chapter Summary: Y/N and Dalton finally reunite after 10 years, but things quickly get serious and complicated.

Word Count: 1.9k+

Warnings: fluff, spoilers of 'Insidious: The Reed Door", mentions of blood, possessed Dalton, language, angst ending

A/N: I wanna start off by saying that there is a lot of dialogue! I'm not gonna lie, I just wasn't sure how to go about the 'catching up' so I did the best I could! As always please let me know what you think. Also the timeline for the ending of the movie is a little confusing to me so I'm sorry if it doesn't make any sense here 😭 but I really hope you like it!

MASTERLIST     ✩    SEND ME A REQUEST

Their reunion was special, something they both craved for ten entire years. They didn’t say anything at first but all their emotions were conveyed through that hug. 

“I never thought I would see you again” Dalton was the first to speak once he pulled away. 

“I can definitely say the same thing about you!” Dalton guided them and they both sat on his bed “I thought…” She didn’t know if she should tell him how she believed for 10 years that he was dead, but Dalton stared at her waiting for her to finish “I thought you… I thought I lost, like really lost you”

“I don’t blame you” He looked hurt, and he was. Remembering what he has gone through since he moved away was hard. 

“What happened then?”

“Uh-“ He let out a nervous laugh “It’s complicated”

“Yeah” Y/N looked down, she wasn’t really expecting a whole life update but she thought he would share at least something, he told Chris didn’t he? They were roommates for like two days and he still opened up to her. Of course it wouldn’t be like when they were kids and they used to tell each other everything, they weren’t kids anymore and she had to keep reminding herself that “So, did you make a new best friend?”

Dalton shook his head, almost embarrassed to admit it “No. Did you?”

“Not like when we were friends, no”

“It would be hard to top that” He chuckled, Y/N joining shortly after.

“I agree. You know, my mom used to describe our friendship like a once in a lifetime connection” She said, standing up front his bed.

“She was probably right” Dalton looked up at her as she paid attention to the wall that was behind them. Y/N could recognize the people on the drawings 

“Wow Dalton, you painted all of these?”

He blushed as he stood up next to her “Yeah. I destroyed one the other day, it was of my grandma”

She turned her head to face him “Why would you do that?” 

“My art professor, she’s… something else. Not what I expected but she’s fantastic” He looked proud of himself and he should be, considering even Armagan was excited to see what he would do. 

“Is that what you’re working on right now?” Y/N asked when she saw an unfinished piece. 

“Yeah, it’s my first project for art class”

“What is it? A door?” She was tilting her head trying to decipher what was on the canvas.

“I’m not sure” He whispered.

“You’re not sure?” Dalton shook his head and Y/N could feel he was hiding something “I know this is a weird question but… were you just in my room?”

Dalton looked at her in pure shock, why would she know that? He knew that she heard him but why would she know that was him? “How would you-” But he didn’t know how to finish his question.

“Dalton, what’s going on?”

He hesitated for a moment, but ultimately decided to tell her. If someone could understand what was happening, it was her “Something really weird is happening to me. Ever since I got here I have been seeing things… things you would only see in your nightmares but they are real. I saw a kid at a frat party and he was dead, they said there was an incident and 10 minutes later I saw him in one of the bathrooms” He got closer to the unfinished canvas “This painting, that’s how it all started. The first day she asked us to dig deep into our memory and as soon as I did something came back to me, something from my past that I didn’t know existed and tonight I fell asleep and then I woke up in a… different dimension that was like a dream but it wasn’t a dream, and I went to see Chris” Y/N raised her eyebrows “I know how it sounds, but I’m telling the truth”

“So what you told me when we were kids, that you could fly out of your body… that was real?”

“I told you that?” Dalton’s eyebrows furrowed, why can’t he remember doing something like that?

“Yeah, you used to- you talked about it a lot. And when we said goodbye the day you moved away you said you’d visit. I can’t remember if I believed you or not but-“

“Did I?” Y/N looked at him confused “Did I visit you?”

She denied softly, not wanting to sound like she was resenting him “No. I overheard my parents say that you were in a coma so… I don’t think I waited for you” 

Dalton nodded, a guilty feeling coming to him “Did I ever mention a red door?”

“No, sorry. I don’t think you did”

“Do you remember anything about me going to this other place?”

“Uh- not really, only that you could go there when you were sleeping and that sometimes you could see other… things in there with you” Y/N swallowed, getting nervous he was doing something he wasn’t supposed to but Dalton remained silent. He didn’t understand the fact that this was something he could do but didn’t remember at all “Why? What’s going on?”

“I think I made a mistake, I’m getting closer to something… or something is getting closer to me” Y/N was trying to process everything that he was saying, she wanted to help him but she didn’t know how. 

“And this red door, it has something to do with it?”

“I think it does” They both looked at the painting, Y/N didn’t think she would be walking into this when he knocked on his door but whatever it was, she wanted to support him “Anyway, how are things?” He rushed to change the subject when he got a bad feeling.

“Good I guess. I’m still right where you left me” She chuckled, but noticed Dalton’s smile fade away “Sorry, I just meant that I didn’t move, all this time I stayed there”

“I’m sorry”

“For what?”

“Moving away” Y/N looked at him confused as to why he would apologize for something he had no control over “I always felt guilty after leaving” “Dalton you were like 9, what other choice did you have?”

“I didn’t but I wish I didn’t have to leave, or at least that we didn’t lose contact after I did”

“Yeah, me too. Things changed a lot after you left, the new neighbors were this old couple who got really mad when it was too noisy outside”

“I guess they didn’t sell lemonade during the summers?”

“No” She snickered at the memory of her neighbors, she never liked them but it makes sense why “At least they didn’t get rid of the lemon tree, that would’ve been a bummer” She said, giggling. Dalton looked at her with affectionate eyes, there was something so nostalgic about it, about her “So you went to a frat party?”

It was now his turn to laugh, admitting that was embarrassing for some reason “Yeah, my dad thought I would want to join and Chris made us go when she found the flier”

“Right, that makes more sense. I never would’ve taken you for a frat dude”

“Wow, you still know me better than my own father does, even after all these years” 

Y/N looked at him muddled, as far as she can remember him and his dad always had a great relationship “What happened with your dad?”

“Uh…”

“Sorry, we don’t have to talk about it” Dalton lt out a nervous laugh, he was prepared to talk about his family, but a yawn interrupted him “I guess it’s getting late”

Dalton looked at the time and noticed how late it was. Y/N started to walk out and he was following her, until she stopped just outside of his dorm “Let’s talk tomorrow after class, I have a few things I wanna show you”

“Okay” He replied “I’m sorry I scared the shit out of you”

They laughed together, just like old times “It’s okay, just don’t ever do it again”

Y/N went back to her room. She was happy about what just happened, she felt like her inner child healed a little when she saw Dalton again. But most importantly, she was relieved it was actually him.

The next morning Chris was really excited to know that Dalton was Y/N’s Dalton, and she was humble enough to give herself all the credit of their reunion. Y/N liked her a lot, she could sense that they would become great friends, and not being alone in her room made her feel better. 

The day couldn’t go by any slower. Y/N kept checking the time every 5 minutes. Of course she was excited (and honestly a little anxious) about seeing Dalton again and show him all the pictures and memories she brought with her. Good thing she was in a better mood now, for her things were finally falling into place, she wasn’t as stressed out with her new routine, she was making friends and she was getting used to being away from her old life.

Dalton on the other hand, he saw something weird during art class, again. He felt like the more he worked on the painting the deeper he got in whatever this was. The progress was showing but he still couldn’t recognize the person on the canvas, and at this point he wasn’t sure he even wanted to. Once he was back in his dorm he called his brother with a lot of questions, but unfortunately hung up with no answers. He knew that if he wanted to know what was haunting him or what the red door meant, he would have to go find the answers himself. He was willing to do that, but he couldn’t put anyone he knew at risk, especially not Y/N.

Dalton: Something came up, can we meet up tomorrow instead?

Y/N stared at the message for a while, devastated, but she didn’t wanna seem bitter about it. 

Y/N: No problem! See you tomorrow then :) 

With a free afternoon, she decided to catch up on one of her big group projects and head to the library with a few other students to work there. School work was consuming but being with a bunch of people who couldn't care less about it made it a million times worse. Y/N was working her hardest to not snap at the other kids, only one of the girls was actually contributing but she could feel her eyelids getting heavier by the second.

She didn’t realize it was night time until she got a message from Chris, looking at the time before she read what it said.

Chris: Come to Dalton’s dorm Chris: NOW!

Y/N literally ran out of there, she didn’t even have time to give any explanations to anyone (not that she cared) as she just grabbed her backpack and sprinted to Dalton’s dorm. Once she was standing outside, she tried knocking on the door. It was so quiet and dark inside she thought the room was empty, until she heard Chris yell out her name.

She tried opening the door but it didn’t work, trying a few more times and finally forcing it open. Nothing could have prepared her for what was inside: Chris laying on Dalton's bed and Dalton looking back at her like a disturbing embodiment of darkness, eyes as fiery as the sun and blood flowing out of his mouth.

tag list! @emilyahgreen27 @chloekienzle @llvmos @mayathepsychic1999 @daltonshotgf @i2raggi @taymour13 @maddiescinema @fluentmoviequoter @omgrachwrites [If you wanna be removed from my tag list please let me know!]

[rosiegirlie]

Before You Go Performing (2): Rosie Rosenthal x OC

summary: Billie tries to work through some insecurities and Rosie is an absolute gentleman about it. Also Crosby turns out to be a good friend when things go down at the pub. word count: 11.8k read on ao3 part one

Billie felt like she was on top of the world with Rosie escorting her back home to her hut like something out of a romantic movie. The pair were walking slowly and a brief moment of comfortable silence had come over them. Billie couldn’t help but look out at the sun beginning to set over the trees and she smiled at the sight. Billie had long loved a good sunset and now that she was thousands of miles away from home she appreciated them even more. Even though no two sunsets were the same each reminded Billie of the red and white big top with the lights around beginning to glow. She could almost smell the popcorn and hear laughter in the air as the sky was starting to shift into something both purple and orange. 

Growing up in the circus a lot of what seemed magical to others was her mundane. But she always felt the magic in the sunsets before the last show of the day. Watching the sunset had been a part of her superstition filled warm up routine on the nights she got to perform. She found it funny that she used to feel such potential in a sunset while lately she found it in the sunrise. But it was easy to find the beauty in anything with Rosie by her side. The past week with Rosie had been an absolute dream and Billie had trouble falling asleep each night, afraid that when she woke up she’d find it had been just that, a dream. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to come out with me tonight? I’d make sure you have a good time.” Rosie asked, drawing Billie’s attention away from thinking about sunsets.  

“I always have a good time when I’m with you.” Billie answered with a smile. She received one in return.  

“So then why don’t you come?” He asked.

“I told you.” She squeezed his hand quickly and resisted the urge to pull him in for a hug. There were too many people around for that. “I have a headache building and being around all the noise and people in the officer’s club sounds like a nightmare. I need a quiet night. I just need to curl up with my book and turn in early.” 

“I want to hear your thoughts when you finish the chapter. You’re going to have a lot to say, I can’t wait.” Rosie said. 

“If I can finish. You know how slow I go.” Billie teased herself.

“You’ll finish just fine, don’t worry. There’s no rush.” Rosie reassured her. 

Billie couldn’t help but think he was wrong. Of course there was a rush. They rarely talked about it but Rosie could be lost just like that. Ever since this thing had first started between Billie and Rosie it was like Billie had been living in limbo. She’d never had to live like this, with her heart on the line almost every day. It’d been an adjustment over the past week getting used to the life of having her heart wrapped up in a pilot. Despite being such a positive person the reality hung so heavy Billie couldn’t ignore it. She had a lifetime of experience masking any of her emotions so she didn’t think Rosie had picked up on it quite yet, but she knew it was only a matter of time until he brought up the future. And once they talked about the future they would have to acknowledge all of the possibilities.

A part of her knew they needed to have that sort of conversation but she was also terrified of solidifying what was developing between them. Rosie had changed her world with just one look but she hadn’t figured out what that meant for her future. Even though being around Rosie somehow made the rest of the world make sense it also made her lose her inability to think rationally. All she really knew was that she would be utterly destroyed if she lost Rosie in any way. 

Rosie grabbed her hand and pulled her into one of the little alleys in-between the nurses’ huts, Billie couldn’t help but giggle as they went. "I'll take my dance now since I can't tonight." He twirled her around and while Billie almost stumbled she was quick to find Rosie’s rhythm and follow along as he swung her around their grass dance floor.

Billie couldn’t help but smile as she looked up at Rosie. Their faces were so close it wouldn’t take much for her to stretch out and kiss him and the thought made her stomach flip with nerves. Rosie seemed to be thinking the same and Billie swore he started moving his head towards hers but she turned her head before seeing if she was right. 

She slipped out of Rosie’s arms and went to stand against the wall. After feigning being out of breath Billie put a hands on her hips, shrugged and said, “Sorry.”

Rosie came to stand beside her and reached an arm arm out so his elbow rested on the wall and his head settled onto his fist. He looked at Billie and she couldn’t help but blush under his scrutiny. She wondered how long it was going to take for her body to adjust and not react that way every time he looked at her. 

“I feel there’s something you’re not telling me.” He said, perceptive as always. 

“I don’t know what you mean.” She lied. 

“We don’t have to talk about it. But I hope you know that you can talk to me about anything.” 

And it was that, Rosie’s constant understanding and grace, that had Billie speaking before she could plan what to say. She’d fold in an instant if he was the one questioning her. 

“I don’t know how I feel about the touching in public where people can see. Beyond what’s normal I mean.” 

Rosie immediately dropped his arm and took a large step back. The distance left a bitter taste in her mouth. “Have I made you uncomfortable?” Rosie looked distraught so Billie ignored the hypocrisy and stretched her hands out to grab Rosie’s in an attempt to comfort him. She hated seeing him so upset. 

“Not at all! Don’t you dare think that. You have been perfectly lovely in every way, Rosie. And I really mean that, trust me. This is a me thing.” 

“Then can you expand on what you mean?” Rosie slowly asked. 

Billie dropped her hands from Rosie’s and started wringing them nervously. “I don’t think I can really explain it. It’s just …” she waved a hand as if brushing off a thought. “I guess it all stems from being insecure. It’s just I don’t want to bring you down. I don’t want to be a distraction, you need to stay focused.” 

Rosie was making that face again so Billie continued, “I’m not saying I don’t want to be around you or be seen with you. I want to be with you, I just want to go slow. I want respectable not indecent.” 

Billie couldn’t explain how conflicted she felt. Because Billie knew all about physical relationships. She was no stranger to sex. Billie in the past was not shy, hadn’t had an ounce of shame and she was mortified at the idea of sharing her history with Rosie. If she had her way Rosie would never know about all of the scandalous things she used to do in public. Billie hated that she proved certain stereotypes right but she couldn’t help her past. She was both ashamed of her past self and proud for having been confident enough to get what she wanted. Still, she didn’t want to be seen as some sort of easy or loose girl. She didn't want to be like that anymore. Even more she wanted to be wanted beyond her body for once.

She didn’t know how to explain that she wanted something steady and real. This was the first thing Billie could possibly call a relationship and she’d spent years dreaming about this happening. But now that she was here with Rosie she was realizing how her past was on the edge making her fairy tale dreams unobtainable. She’d be destroyed  if her history somehow brought about Rosie’s social downfall or worse, turned him off completely. If she could keep things physically mild with Rosie, if she could convince him to stay around without relying on her body then there was a chance for things to continue. Because this thing did feel real with Rosie, the most real and right thing she’d ever felt. Billie would never forgive herself if she messed this up.

“You want something real.” Rosie said with an understanding smile. 

It was like he read her mind. Billie met his eyes again and she was struck again with a sense of awe in how in tune he was with her. 

“How do you always do that?” she asked. 

“How do I do what?” 

“You know exactly what I’m thinking when I don’t know how to say it.” She started wringing her hands again and looked around at anything but Rosie. “It’s embarrassing but… I don’t have any experience and because of that I want to do things right.” 

Rosie reached his hand out and gently touched her elbow to get her attention before dropping it back to his side. “You’re working yourself up over something you don’t even need to worry about. I’m fine with slow.” he reassured her. “I’ll take whatever you’ll give me.”

“You really don’t mind?”

“Honestly, I don’t mind. I can handle real.” Rosie took a small step closer and resumed his position leaning against the wall. “In fact, I like the idea of a little courting. It’s romantic.” 

Billie really didn’t understand how she got so lucky with Rosie. A girl like her didn’t deserve someone like him but she certainly wasn’t going to let him go. She was going to do whatever it took to keep him by her side.

“I’m fine with you setting the pace.” Rosie said and that really had Billie melting. 

She looked around to see if anyone could see them and when she felt like it was safe she grabbed Rosie’s tie and pulled him into a kiss that she wanted to escalate but resisted the temptation. It was a quick thing and Billie immediately turned on her heels and fled the scene in embarrassment at her forwardness. Especially after having just said she didn’t want that sort of thing yet. Understandably she left him stunned with his eyes wide and mouth open in surprise. 

Billie stopped after rounding the corner off the building and stuck her head back around to look at Rosie. “I hope you have a good night, I’ll see you tomorrow?” 

“Tomorrow.” Rosie answered weakly. Billie winked at him and gave a little wave then made her way inside.

It didn’t take long for Billie to get comfortable in the chair by the window with a blanket tucked around her. She wouldn’t be able to stay here for long with the fading sunlight but she wanted to take advantage while she could. Billie had only managed a couple of pages when voices just outside the window distracted her. She couldn’t help but lean closer to listen and it didn’t take long for her to recognize Rebecca’s nasally drone. 

“It’s just that she’s a waste of space. We give her the easiest tasks and she can barely handle them!” Rebecca said.

“At least she’s always in a good mood.” Someone else said.

“Who care’s if she’s in a good mood if she’s a waste of the Army’s resources.”

The girls all laughed and the sound sent chills down Billie’s spine. She wasn’t stupid; Rebecca and her friends were talking about her. She felt three inches tall but she couldn’t stop listening. 

“Plus there’s the way she’s been hanging on to Rosie.” Rebecca complained. “She was bad before but now her heads all in the clouds. She’s such a floozy distracting our best pilot.” 

“I saw him walking her back after dinner the other night.” someone confessed. “He has to be somewhat interested in her.” Billie’s heart warmed at the small argument in her favor but it didn’t last long.

“Or, Rosie is simply a gentlemen and Billie knows how to take advantage of that.” Rebecca countered. “She’s the kind of girl to use men. She’s circus trash who brings trouble with her wherever she goes, so what else would you expect? We can’t trust her with anything of value. We’d be doing Rosie a favor by pulling Billie from his side. He deserves someone better. It’s always heartbreaking seeing a man with potential being held back.” Rebecca’s voice was filled with distain for Billie and she could picture exactly what Rebecca’s face looked like as she complained about Billie. It was always the beautiful and talented ones that could say the most hurtful things, or at least it’d been that way in Billie’s life.

“By someone better you mean you, right?” Someone asked.

“What can I say, you saw how we looked together the other week.” Billie could picture Rebecca flipping her blonde hair behind her shoulder as she laughed. Billie felt sick. They had looked rather good dancing together and it had broke Billie’s heart and still hurt to think about. 

Having heard enough Billie got out of the chair and fell face first onto her bed. She screamed. Then she rolled over, grabbed her pillow and put it over her face then screamed again. Hate was a useless emotion in Billie’s book but for the first time in her life she understood what it felt like to hate someone. She was so frustrated she felt hysterical. It was like Rebecca had confirmed all of her worst fears of what people thought of her. One of her goals when signing up to be a nurse had been to reinvent herself and it was devastating to have her past ruin that. She wished she could go back in time and never tell anyone she was from the circus. She should have made up some backstory and lived a lie. Surely that would have been easier to deal with than this. 

Billie sat straight up with one thought on her mind, she needed to get drunk. Her adrenaline was racing with her frustration and humiliation and she needed to get the energy out somehow. She wanted to be reckless and make poor decisions to cover up this deep hurt. After peeking out of the window to make sure Rebecca and her friends had left Billie gathered her things and left the hut. She climbed on her bike and started furiously pedaling away, making it to the pub in record time. 

Billie burst through the door of the pub with such gusto that more than a couple of heads turned in her direction. She marched right up to the bar and ordered a shot of whiskey. Before the bartender could set it down Billie snatched the glass from his hand and slammed it back. “Another.” she asked. The bartender’s eyebrows were raised but he grabbed the bottle and poured more into her glass. Again she downed it all in one go and sucked a hiss through her teeth. “Another.” 

“Are you sure you can—”

“Another.” She glared at him and he immediately poured her another heavy pour. She threw it back. He set the bottle down next to her while he got her a glass of water and left her to go check on other side of the bar. After making sure he wasn’t looking she grabbed the bottle and with her heavy hand poured the whiskey like it was water. But this time Billie waited a bit before drinking and took a sip instead of throwing it back like she’d been doing. She picked her glass up and studied the whiskey, noting how the amber liquid reflected the dim light of the pub. It was so pretty it reminded her of the wood beams and rigging that held the big top together. It reminded her of safety and support.

Billie’s headache was gone but in its place she felt nauseous as all of the shots she’d taken hit her at once. She set the glass back down and let her head fall to rest on the bar. Billie wanted to forget, she wanted to make everything go away. She lifted her head back up and took another sip of her drink. She wanted to be numbed out and she was well on her way to that point. She pulled out enough money for what she'd taken and stuck it under the glass of water.

Billie worked her way back to a table near the window and smiled to herself as she settled down. Billie loved how dark and moody the pub was; she loved how she could sink into the flickering shadows from all the candle light. There was an intimacy to the pub, a warmth that Billie found missing in the officer’s club. The officer’s club had an edge of respectability that got under Billie’s skin. She preferred places where people could fully let loose. She liked being with the common man. She was used to being with those described as rough around the edges, so even though she didn’t interact with any of them she felt at home with the pub’s patrons. 

It didn’t take long for Billie to start wallowing about Rebecca. This wasn’t her first foray into mean girl drama but it had been a long while since she’d had to deal with it. She hadn’t thought that it was something she’d have to worry about but now that she was in it she felt like a fool for thinking it wouldn’t happen. Gossip and drama were a part of life no matter where one went and Thorpe Abbotts was no different. Billie should have been more prepared. She used to have thicker skin than this.

But even if she’d been prepared she’d still have gotten hurt over things she couldn’t change. It was frustrating because Billie knew she didn’t have anything to apologize for, nothing to be ashamed about. If men could live their lives sexually free then she had every right to do the same. She knew her truth and so did those who’s opinion she actually cared about. In the grand scheme of things Rebecca’s opinion didn’t matter and Billie should let it roll off of her like water off a duck’s back. Still, Billie did her best to drink away her bad mood.

Luckily she’d been left alone over the course of the night. It was as if she was giving off the aura of someone who shouldn’t be messed with. Billie supposed that since she was almost always in a good mood her brief moments of melancholy carried more weight than normal. She wondered what Rosie would do when she inevitably got this way around him. How would he respond when she was practically vibrating with negative energy and became a miserable bitch? Billie knew the effect her rare bad moods could have on those closest to her and she wasn’t looking forward to testing it with Rosie. It was a good thing she’d gone to the pub to drown her sorrows. Hopefully she’d be able to work her anger and shame out of her system so she’d be back to normal by the next time she saw Rosie. 

Billie had been eyeing an arm wresting contest that had started across the room while absentmindedly carving a heart into the table with her pocket knife. The group of airmen looked like they were having the time of their lives, their enthusiasm taking off all the years stress had added to their faces. Arm wrestling had been one of the games they’d played as kids and Billie missed the thrill and feeling of slamming someone’s hand down. She loved games, she missed playing things. She set her knife down and rubbed her thumb over the finished carving, her nail catching on the corner and a splinter got caught under her nail. Billie hissed in pain but then managed to squeeze it out. This was justice coming for her for defacing the pub’s table. It was very on theme for how she was feeling. 

Billie looked up to take a drink of her almost empty pint and saw Crosby heading directly for her. She’d never seen him at the pub in all of her time on base and even though she’d never thought about it before she realized that she’d unconsciously assumed he hated the pub like Rosie. 

She waited until he came to stand right in front of her to greet him. “Good evening, Sir.” 

“Good evening. I’ve been watching you.” Crosby said. Billie made a face and he scrambled to say, “Wait, that sounds awful. I didn’t mean that in a creepy way.” 

Billie couldn’t help but laugh and gave a smile, “It’s okay, I get what you mean. What about it?’’

“It’s just that you seem upset and I wanted to see if you needed to talk about it.”

“How did you come to that conclusion?” Billie couldn’t help but be a bit defensive. She knew it was obvious but she was still sensitive.

“Judging by how many trips you took to the bar,” he nodded down at all of the empty glasses on her table. “It looks like you’re drinking for two.”

“If you want me to be embarrassed you’re shit out of luck.”

Crosby placed a glass of water in front of her then sat down in the seat across. Billie was annoyed, she felt like Crosby was babying her even though she knew he was just looking out for her. He was a good man she was grateful he had forgiven her after the blood drawing fiasco. Billie liked having him on her side even if it bothered her at times. She took a small sip of water and then went back to watching the arm contest over in the corner. 

“I can tell you want to go over there.” Crosby observed.

“Is it that obvious?” Billie asked. 

"A little. It’s all the staring.” Billie must have made some sort of face again because he reassured her by saying “It’s only because I was keeping an eye on you that I noticed.” He hesitated as if debating whether or not he should say something. “You seem more down than usual. And I’ve never seen you alone before without all your girls. Did something happen?”  

Billie finished off her drink and gave a little shrug as she put the empty glass on the table with all the rest. She really didn’t want to answer Crosby’s question. A part of her thought that Crosby would actually be a good person to confide in since he’d probably respond well and give her some sort of advice, but everything was still too fresh. She couldn’t bare to talk about her embarrassment. Her self loathing was suffocating. 

“Do you think I could win?” Billie nodded in the direction of the men arm wrestling.

“You want to go over and get in on it?” Crosby asked.

“Come on, tell me you don’t think I can. Give me a reason to prove you wrong.” It was the liveliest she’d been all night.

“Why do I feel like you somehow hustled me into coming over just so I could bet that you can’t beat someone in an arm wrestling contest?” Crosby said with a groan.

“I wish I could say I was that skilled. But what do you say? You think I should go for it?”  

“You’re drunk is what I think.” He snarked.

“Do I seem drunk to you?” Billie asked. Besides her face getting flushed she was good at holding her drink. Normally she could be well beyond drunk and still act as if she was stone cold sober. But she wasn’t herself tonight and she wondered if she was off her game. 

“No, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t. Looks can be deceiving.�� he sighed. “But yes, I think you could beat someone. I don’t know if any of them are that someone but I know you’re going to try.” 

“You’re a smart man, Crosby. I get why they promoted you.” 

Mind made up that she was going to get in on the action she stood up from the table with such force she bumped the table causing the glasses to clang together. 

“Easy now.” Crosby was startled by Billie’s sudden movement and moved to steady the glasses. 

“You want to come watch?” She was on the move before he could answer. 

As she got closer she realized that she didn’t recognize any of the airmen in the group but that wasn’t unusual. Like others on base she hadn’t been as good at keeping up with the new recruits as the original crews. Still, she marched forward smiling as if she knew them already and didn’t bother introducing herself. 

“Evening gentlemen. Can I have the next round?” She asked.

“Yeah, we’ll have a couple of lagers.” The man who just won said with a smile to all his friends. 

“No, I meant the game.” Billie pointed at the empty space between the men. 

All of them looked at her confused. The one who just lost asked, “You want to arm wrestle us?” 

“Not all of you, just whoever’s next. Normal rules, come on now.” She snapped her fingers at them to keep up.

“Look, ma’am. This sort of thing isn’t really for ladies.”

“Ladies can’t be strong?” she cocked an eyebrow and stared them down. 

The one across from her visibly swallowed then saw something just over Billie’s shoulder and he sat up straighter. 

“Why don’t you humor her?” Crosby asked from behind Billie, but it carried the weight of an order. 

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” Now she felt bad for trying to have some fun. She didn’t want to get rank involved. 

“I just don’t want to hurt you.” The airman said and Billie had to admit she appreciated the gesture. The guy meant well. It wasn’t his fault he didn’t know what Billie could handle. 

“Oh you’re so sweet to be worried about me.” she put her hand over her heart. “But you don’t have to. It’s just been a while since I’ve arm wrestled. My brother and I used to all the time.

“I won’t take it easy on you like your brother, ma’am.”

“I’d be insulted if you did.” She shooed one of the guys out of their seat and plopped down. She stuck her arm out. “Are you going to let me have my fun or not?” 

Billie won the first round easily. It was clear her opponent had completely misjudged her. Billie couldn’t help but love when men did that. 

“I thought you said you weren’t going to go easy on her?” one his friends teased him. And Billie wanted to echo the question but figured it was best to chill on the table talk. 

Her challenger was frustrated. He stuck his arm out to go again and Billie obliged. He was certainly trying harder but it didn’t take long for Billie to gain momentum. The guy’s face flushed, his whole face and neck red as he struggled to move her arm. Billie would be worried about him causing trouble but with Crosby behind her she knew she was safe. She was vaguely aware of more people around them but it wasn’t enough that she was worried about seriously wounding this guy’s pride. Her arm was beginning to hurt but Billie knew it was a level  of pain she could push through for a while even though she’d be feeling the affects for far longer.

The man fell back into his chair in shock when Billie won the second round. He was still bright red and Billie couldn’t help it this time and laughed at the teasing his friends were doing. This was the sort of fun she didn’t know she needed to cheer herself up. Crosby didn’t join in on the teasing but smiled in amusement at Billie’s antics; he was relieved that Billie was starting to act like herself again.

“One more.” The airman looked determined like some little toddler trying their hardest to do something for the first time. 

He was a young thing Billie realized, probably around her brother’s age and her heart throbbed at the thought. Billie wanted to squeeze his cheeks and and lecture him about one thing or another like she would with Eddie. The next best thing would be knocking him down a peg and reminding him women weren’t to be judged so easy. She grabbed his hand and situated herself for another round. 

While he made a good attempt Billie still had him knocked down in under a minute. He looked completely stunned after being bested. Billie held her breath for how he was going to respond since it looked like he could start yelling and causing trouble. One never did know with these military men. But then he just barked out a loud laugh, one that was joined by Billie and all of his friends. Billie got out of her chair and thanked him for humoring her. 

“It was my pleasure. It was nice to be reminded about the dangers of expectations.” He suck his hand out. “We never got around to introductions, sorry for being rude. Lieutenant Miller, ma’am.”

Billie shook his hand. “Please, just call me Billie. I can’t stand all of this formal stuff.” Billie waved her hand dismissively. “Anyways, thank you for giving me a little taste of the home front.” Billie gave a slight curtsy then turned to go back to her original table. 

She stopped before sitting down and put her hands on her hips while she inspected the table. The only glass with anything in it was the water that Crosby had brought her and that wouldn’t do. She stepped towards the bar but Crosby stopped her. 

“Do you really need another drink?” he asked.

“I’ll get a beer instead of whiskey, does that make you feel better?” She turned on her heels and stomped away before she could hear Crosby’s response. 

Billie wormed her way into the mess of people crowded around the bar. As soon as she found a spot the person to her right left but before Billie could spread out the space was immediately filled. She took in the newcomer out of the corner of her eye. Judging from the uniform he was an RAF airman and Billie couldn’t help but roll her eyes at him. She’d heard enough stories about them messing with her guys that she couldn’t help but be annoyed by this guy on sight. 

Billie was really annoyed when the airman’s arm brushed against her boob as he reached out to grab the bowl of nuts in front of her. She had to lean back to give him more space. She was a bit grossed out but tried to not think much of it beyond being a drunk accident and lack of awareness. But then the man leaned into her space again as he talked to his friend. Billie had a bad feeling but she stayed where she was. 

She told the bartender what she wanted then started drumming her fingers on the bar top to distract herself. Suddenly Billie felt a hand start to go around her waist and she immediately stepped away out of reach.

“Hands to yourself!” Billie snapped. 

“Come on now, love. I’m just having a little fun is all. I saw you having fun over there with all those tossers, you can have a little fun with me.” He leaned into her space with his face close enough that Billie could smell how drunk he was. 

Billie hated that the beautiful accent was being ruined by words that made her want to gag. “I don’t want to have fun with you. And you can have fun without touching me.”

His hand went to her waist again but then went further.  He grabbed her ass and she roughly pushed his arm away. 

“Get off of me!” She was furious. She wanted to rip his arm off but she didn’t want to start any more trouble than was necessary. 

“Do I need to buy you a drink first? I thought you Americans had no problem jumping right to it." He was leering at her like something out of a nightmare.

“Just leave me alone.” Billie was annoyed no one around her was doing anything in her defense but she wasn’t that surprised. People often kept to themselves when things like this happened. She looked over her shoulder and saw that Crosby had left their table and was quickly coming towards her. He looked concerned and was staring down the man giving Billie a hard time.  

“Here ya go little lady.” The bartender placed a pint down in front of her and Billie felt like she could breathe again. Now she’d be able to get away from the creep and carry on with her night. She turned her back on him and took a step away from the bar to meet Crosby in the crowd and go back to their table. 

“Wait, where you going? You have a drink so now we can talk.” The man reached out and grabbed her with both hands around her waist. He pulled her backwards into him causing Billie to spill half of her drink onto the floor. Billie saw red and she almost threw the glass on the ground. 

She twisted to the right and swung her left hand around to punch him straight in the face. It was like she put all of her strength behind the punch because the guy immediately crumpled, his head hitting the top of the bar before he slumped to the ground. 

Billie felt like she was watching this all play out from an outsider’s perspective and she looked a disheveled mess standing over this guy with her fist clenched and breathing so hard her whole body was shaking. Everyone seemed to be frozen around her even though she knew people had to be reacting. She came back to herself and leaned over the man to put her drink back on the bar. He groaned but didn’t make any move to get up. 

“Sorry about that.” She apologized to the bartender who was looking at her in shock just like everyone else around her. Billie was mortified at the attention and turned to run out of the pub. 

Billie’s eyes began to sting as soon as her face hit the cool night air. She held back her tears long enough to dart around to the side of the pub and find a place in the shadows to lean against the wall. Billie was crying as soon as her back hit the bricks with a hand covering her mouth to keep from making a sound. She didn’t need any more attention on herself. She’d only just stopped shaking when she heard a group of men leaving and one of them saying something about “that bitch.”

“Yeah, but that bitch threw a mighty left hook.” Someone said.

They laughed and Billie took a step away from the sound. One split away from the group and started down the back alley towards Billie. In an instant Billie felt more sober than she’d ever been and again she stepped further back along the wall deeper into the shadows. He stopped a couple of feet from the front of the building and Billie heard him unzip his pants. She turned away and clamped her hand tighter over her mouth to keep back her nervous laughter as he took a piss. Billie stayed frozen against the wall as the man finished and returned to his group. Her breaths were slow to steady but eventually evened out as the voices faded and once they disappeared she dropped her hand from her mouth to study it. 

She couldn’t see much with the miserable lighting in the back alley but she could tell she was bleeding. Her hand was throbbing in time with her still racing heart. With her knuckles a couple of inches from her face she noted that it wasn’t that serious of a thing despite what the amount of blood would imply. She’d probably caught the corner of one of his teeth since she did come at him from a bit of an angle. The memory of her closest friend Charles warning her of this very thing when he first taught her to throw a punch floated through her mind and she couldn’t help the chuckle that slipped out from her dry lips. Charles would be so frustrated with her but she knew that after pulling her into a headlock he’d whisper that he was proud of her and compliment her form. With how quickly the asshole had gone down she knew that she’d had the form worth complimenting.

Billie went to wipe off some of the blood on her skirt but stopped herself. She could stain her skirt and she didn’t want to deal with the hassle of getting the bloodstains out. She slumped back against the wall of the pub and leaned her head back so she could stare up at the stars. Billie felt woozy and a little nauseous so she crouched down on the ground and wrapped her arms around her legs. She waved her injured hand hang gently in the air so the breeze could help dry the blood and she could go back to using her hand freely again. Once the blood was dry she’d start the long trip home. There was no way she was going to be able to ride her bike being so drunk so she was going to have to walk it. Once again Billie was regretting her choices of the night. 

Billie looked back up at the stars and thought about how exhausted she was. It wouldn’t take much for her to fall asleep right there. She felt like a wet rag being rung out after having felt practically every emotion throughout the course of the day. But despite the high of Rosie returning safely the devastating blow of Rebecca’s remarks weighed Billie down. Even though she wasn’t ashamed of how she’d responded to the RAF creep she felt like she’d somehow proved Rebecca right and she hated it. Billie felt like she was going to cry again and put her hands over her eyes as if she could physically keep the tears from coming out. 

“Nurse James? Billie, you back there?” 

A voice came from the other end of the alley by the front of the pub. Billie wiped at her eyes as she stood up and squinted at the figure coming closer to her. It was Crosby. 

“I figured you might want this.” He was holding out a makeshift ice pack and Billie was touched at his gesture. 

“Thank you. Yeah, this will really help.” She shuddered when she put the icepack on her knuckles but pushed through the slight discomfort. Soon she felt nothing but relief. 

“I settled up for you inside. Can I walk you back to your quarters?” Crosby asked. 

Billie must have given him some sort of look because he was quick to add, “It’s just that I don’t think Rosie would forgive me if I let you walk home alone.” he cleared his throat. “Especially after what just happened.” 

“You don’t need to do that.” 

“I know, but I’m going to do it anyways. Look at it this way, I’d do this to any of my friends who drank almost an entire bottle of whiskey on their own over the night.” he reasoned. 

Billie figured she couldn’t argue her way out of it so she simply shrugged with acceptance. “Guess we best be off then.” 

“After you.” Crosby stepped aside and gestured with his hand that Billie should lead the way. Billie stumbled with the first step she took and Crosby rushed forward to help her. 

“I’m okay.” Billie reassured him as she straightened up. 

She grabbed the icepack from where she’d dropped it on the ground and looked at how the rag was now covered in dirt. It was essentially useless now that she couldn’t put it back on her open wound. So much for nice things. Billie took a deep breath before starting to walk again, quickly coming to Crosby’s side and matching his pace. Once they were walking with their bikes she realized just how drunk she was and she was suddenly more grateful than annoyed that Crosby wanted to walk her home. 

They walked in silence for a couple of minutes. Billie could tell that she was slightly swaying and was grateful Crosby wasn’t treating her more like a kid who couldn’t handle their drink and simply gave her the space to stumble along. It helped having the bike to keep her steady.

“How do you think you’re going to tell Rosie about this one?” Crosby asked interrupting the silence. 

“Oh, I’m not going to tell Rosie.” Billie said bluntly.

“What do you mean? You have to tell him.” Crosby was confused. 

“No I don’t. And neither do you. You can keep this quiet can’t you? Please?” Billie didn’t want to resort to begging but more so she didn’t want news of the night to get back to Rosie. So she’d beg if she must.

“Do you really think that you can keep him from finding out? I wasn’t the only witness in there. It’ll be the talk all around the breakfast tables tomorrow.” 

Billie groaned, “But I can still try.” She kicked a rock as she pouted like a kid. “I can’t even think about talking to Rosie until I’ve sobered up.” 

As if on cue Billie felt like she was going to throw up and stumbled off to the side of the gravel path leaving a startled Crosby and her bike behind. She hunched over and started dry heaving, only vaguely aware of Crosby coming up behind her pressing his hand gently on her back. She spat then coughed. 

“Are you okay?” Crosby asked. 

“I’m not going to let myself throw up if that’s what you’re asking.” Billie said then spat again.

“You say that as if you can will yourself not to be sick. If that was possible I would know, trust me.” He thought for a moment. “Is that really something you can do? A circus thing? You have to teach me if it is.” 

Billie laughed. “No, that’s not one of my special skills. It’s mostly hope and drunk confidence that I can keep it all down. I hate having to be sick in public.” 

“Something you’re familiar with?” 

“I don’t like the judgement in your tone.” Billie snipped and stood up. She wiped at her mouth with the back of her hand and then gave a smile to Crosby. “But yes, that’s something I’m familiar with.” 

“Here.” Crosby handed Billie a mint. “They help me, maybe they’ll do something for you too.” 

Billie took the mint, unwrapped it and popped it in her mouth. “Thanks.” 

They started back up again, though a bit slower this time. They had just entered the base’s bounds when Billie broke the comfortable silence that had fallen back over them. 

“What were you even doing slumming it at the pub tonight with the rest of us? Normally you stick to the officer’s club like Rosie.” She waved around her injured hand and said, “The pub’s drunken debauchery isn’t really your style.” She had meant to ask earlier in the night but had forgotten in the midst of everything. 

“I don’t hate it, it just gives me a headache.” he answered. 

“Semantics.” Billie wanted an answer. 

“I made a promise to some of the new guys.” Crosby’s response didn’t tell Billie anything but she figured it was best to accept his simple explanation. She was the dangerous combination of wasted and nosy but she held herself back.

“I’m trying to work on the whole bonding thing.” Crosby elaborated while making a pained face that made Billie laugh. 

“You’re really suffering, aren’t you?” 

Crosby brushed off her teasing with an eye roll but then turned serious. “I know it’s hard but I’m trying to take a page out of the Majors’ book.” he shrugged. “As much as I don’t want to get close to them it’s important for me to be familiar. I have to do what I can to take care of them, they’re my responsibility. And sometimes taking care of them means suffering a night in the pub.” 

“You almost sounded like Buck there at the end, complaining about Bucky.” 

Crosby chuckled. “I’m going to take that as a compliment.” He shook his head as he thought back on the Majors. “None of us will ever be able to do what they did.” 

“But you can do things your way.” Billie encouraged. She leaned over and elbowed Crosby’s arm harder than she intended causing him to stumble slightly. 

“I’m certainly trying.” Crosby answered as he righted himself. 

“You know, I think trying is one of the most admirable things someone could ever do.” Billie said. “So many people know they should do something but they’re too scared to make themselves do it. So many people can’t act! Life is all about momentum. You know, it’s like back when I was first learning the trapeze and I would get frozen up on the platform. I would be paralyzed up there staring down at the people who looked like ants and I couldn’t do anything! I could never just start right away even though I knew it would be for the best. That was the hardest habit for me to shake off. My dad used to get so mad at me.” she trailed off with a laugh.

Billie suddenly stopped in her tracks and pointed a finger at Crosby who was looking back very confused at her drunk rambling. She wasn’t sure if she was going to make sense but she continued, “Once you get moving it’s easier to keep moving. And it’s easier to start back up than starting from scratch. Starting is the hard part and you’ve already done that! Now you’re in the thick of it doing the necessary thing which is something to be proud of.” 

“Thank you… I think?” 

“You’re welcome.” She clapped her hand on his back. “Your men are lucky to have you watching over them. You make a difference.” She really hoped he knew how serious she was. Crosby wasn’t the type to easily accept a compliment.

Crosby went to answer but was cut off by a loud laugh coming from behind the building directly to their left. A moment later and a group of airmen came around the corner heading in their direction. As if by some sort of magnetism Billie’s eyes immediately went to Rosie in the back who was laughing with Pappy beside him. Of course it would be Rosie. She really hadn’t wanted him to see her in this state but there was no avoiding it now.

“How’s that plan of keeping the whole thing from Rosie going?” Crosby seemed to have noticed Rosie too, much to Billie’s dismay.

“Sometimes I really can’t stand you, Croz.” 

Crosby let out a laugh, taken aback but amused by Billie’s response. And as was her luck of the night Crosby’s laughter had drawn Rosie’s attention. 

“That you, Harry?” Rosie broke from the pack and jogged ahead of them to reach the pair quicker. His face brightened when he realized Billie was next to Crosby and Billie felt her heart up in her throat as she received Rosie’s full attention. Somehow she was feeling both incredibly sober and like she’d just taken another chug of whiskey at the same time. Billie didn’t think she’d ever be able to make sense of the way Rosie made her feel. She swallowed nervously but smiled back and did a little wave. 

“Good evening, you two.” Rosie didn’t stop as he came up to them. Instead he pulled Billie into his arms and swung her around to start dancing along to whatever song was in his head. Billie couldn’t help but laugh delightedly as she easily fell in step alongside Rosie. She could barely feel her hand throbbing with Rosie’s holding it. Crosby watched with a smile as the pair danced without noticing the group of airmen having to go out of their way to avoid the two.

“You’ve had a quite a bit to drink haven’t you?” Billie teased Rosie when they came to a stop and she leaned into his side to rest her head briefly on his shoulder. 

“I could say the same about you my dear.” Rosie wrapped his arm around Billie to keep her steady against him. He turned his attention to Crosby standing near their bikes. 

“What’s with the ice pack?” Rosie was looking at the ice pack Crosby was still holding after picking it up when Billie was almost sick. Billie had forgotten all about it. “What happened?” 

“It’s not mine.” Crosby said and Billie bit her tongue to hold back a groan of frustration at his honesty. 

Rosie looked her up and down and Billie shifted, for once uncomfortable with Rosie’s full attention on her. Without really thinking about it she moved her injured left hand behind her back, but she hadn’t realized that Rosie would feel her arm move since it was the one next to his side. He didn’t miss a thing and immediately moved to grab her arm and pull it out from behind her back. 

“What happened?” Rosie asked, his tone no longer light and joking. He’d traced his way down her arm and was gently cradling her hand in his, the thumbs ghosting over the dried blood. 

“This, oh it’s nothing.” Billie pulled her hand away from Rosie’s while taking a small step back. She hid her hand behind her back again. Maybe if she kept it out of sight Rosie would stay calm. She started shifting her weight side to side, swaying nervously. 

“It’s something worth an ice pack.”

“It’s been a long night, Rosie, we don’t need to get into it.” 

“I’m going to ask again and I’d really appreciate if you told me yourself. What happened?” Rosie’s tone had shifted into something so serious Billie stopped moving. Now wasn’t the time to play around. 

“It was just a misunderstanding.” Still, Billie really didn’t want to get into it. Her worst fear was that Rosie would look at her different if he knew she started trouble even if she all she did was defend herself. She didn’t want to find out if he thought of her in the same way Rebecca did. She didn’t think her heart could handle that kind of hurt after the night she’d had. 

“Why are you defending that guy?” Crosby asked Billie. 

“Harry, leave it.” Billie snapped. 

“No, Harry, go on. What do you mean? What guy?” Rosie asked, getting heated.

“Not one of ours. One of the RAF guys took an interest in Billie and wouldn’t take no for an answer.” Crosby explained while ignoring the killer look Billie was shooting at him. 

“So you said no in a way he’d understand you?” Rosie directed his question at Billie, inferring the rest of the story.

“I’m not going to apologize.” Billie crossed her arms defensively with a huff. She was still terrified of him treating her different but she wasn’t one to be ashamed of defending herself. 

“I didn’t say you needed to.” Rosie looked at Crosby. “Do you think you could recognize him if you saw him again?”

“Rosie, honey, leave it alone.” She grabbed his chin and pulled his face back to face hers. 

“I’m not going to leave it alone!” Rosie’s voice echoed loud around them and Billie was proud of herself for not flinching at the sudden increase in volume. 

Billie had never seen Rosie this worked up. Now that he’d been by her side for a while Billie realized that he’d had more to drink than he originally let on. He was more drunk than he’d ever been around her before. To be fair, this was the most drunk she’d ever been around him too. A part of her was beyond pleased that he was so upset on her behalf but the rest of her didn’t think she was worth all the fuss. 

“It’s okay, I took care of it. He’s not going to do it again, I’m fine. It’s not worth getting worked up over.” Again she tried to reassure him.

“But you shouldn’t have to take care of whatever it is.” he said with a frown, voice back to a respectable volume. He reached a hand out and cradled the side of her face. She couldn’t help but lean into the palm of his hand. He let out a sigh.“You’re always taking care of it by yourself when I want to be the one taking care of you. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you to protect you. You deserve that at the very least and I failed you.”

“You’re just drunk talking sweet, come on. You have nothing to apologize for, really, Rosie.” Billie reassured him with a smile as she wrapped her hand around Rosie’s wrist.  

“I know you know I’m serious.” He dropped his hand from her face. “You shouldn’t have to fight battles all on your own.” Rosie studied her for a moment. “Life hasn’t been kind to you but that doesn’t mean it’s always going to this way.” His voice lowered to a whisper and Billie felt a stirring deep within her. “I could give you what you deserve.”

Billie didn’t know what to say to Rosie’s confession, his words weighed heavy on her chest making it hard to take a breath. She was too drunk, Rosie was too drunk, for them to be having a conversation like this. She cleared her throat and looked around suddenly uncomfortable with the thought of looking at Rosie. If she looked at him she was sure she’d burst into tears. He was just too much and she was too emotionally unstable to handle his sincerity. She needed to find a distraction. She saw her bike standing alone with no Crosby in sight. 

“Looks like we’ve been abandoned.” She said. 

Rosie laughed lightly as he noted that Crosby had in fact vanished at some point while the two had been wrapped up in each other. He walked over to the bike and grabbed hold of the handles. He gestured his head in the direction of the Billie’s hut. “Ready to move?” 

Billie came to his side and they started down the path. They’d only gone a couple of yards when Rosie stopped. Billie looked at him, confused, but then Rosie stuck out his hand. Billie looked at it and debated with herself over whether or not she should take it. She hadn’t made her mind up but when Rosie started pulling his hand back Billie snatched it without a second thought. She was blushing like crazy but she refused to make eye contact with Rosie. She could picture his face perfectly and she preened inside at being able to put a smile on his face. She gave in and peeked to confirm what she’d assumed and was pleased to see Rosie was in fact smiling dopily ahead and blushing just as much as she was. 

Rosie pulled her along the path with one hand, the other controlling Billie’s bike. Billie was grateful no one was around because she loved the feeling of Rosie’s hand in hers a bit too much. They came upon a bench and Rosie leaned the bike against the back. 

He looked at her with a bashful smile, “Let’s sit for a bit.” 

Billie nodded in agreement and they settled onto the bench with Billie not fully pressed into Rosie’s side but certainly sitting closer than what was standard. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Rosie asked.

“Harry already told you what happened.” Billie grumbled.

“That’s not what I meant.” Rosie reached out and brushed back a stray piece of Billie’s hair off her face. Chills rushed down Billie’s arms as his fingers gently traced the back of her ear. She ached for more of his touch as soon as his fingers left her skin.

“What did you mean then?” Once again Billie was pretty sure she knew what he meant but she couldn’t stop herself from asking. Knowing Rosie he picked up on the root of the problem and wanted to attack it head on. While she admired that about him it was frustrating being on the receiving end of his pointed observations. 

“I thought you wanted a quiet night.” He lifted her injured hand up and quickly kissed her knuckles. “This isn’t quiet.” 

Billie looked away from Rosie but didn’t pull her hand away. “I don’t know if I can talk about it quite yet.” She confessed while staring at how their fingers wrapped around each other. 

“Is it about Eddie?” 

Billie looked back up at Rosie. He’d always been so easy for her to read but now that he was drunk he was an open book. He was so worried for her it made Billie’s heart skip a beat. It was so sweet of him to ask about her brother first. Again she was struck with the thought that she didn’t deserve him.

She shook her head and answered, “No, it’s nothing to do with Eddie.” Billie sighed and said, “It’s embarrassing…” she trailed off with a weak chuckle. 

Billie ran her free hand through her hair and her fingers caught on a couple of knots but she forced them through. She ripped out a couple of strands and tossed them out onto the ground in front of their bench. Billie felt so childish, so petty complaining to Rosie about gossip. She didn’t want to ruin his opinion of anyone even if she thought they deserved it. She knew how well respected Rebecca was on base. Billie didn’t want anyone else to get involved. Christ, she didn’t even think she could talk to Barbara about what she’d overheard. 

Rosie’s thumb rubbed over the back of her hand and Billie was pulled back into the moment. She felt herself leaning further into Rosie’s side. She’d fantasized countless times about what it would feel like to be wrapped up in his arms but none of them came close to the real thing. 

“I said it before and I’ll say it again, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. But I hope you know I’m here for you. You can talk to me about anything. There is nothing embarrassing you could possibly say that would put me off.” He let go of her hand and reached a finger out to playfully tap the tip of Billie’s nose. “Did I ever tell you about when I met Majors Egan and Cleven?” 

Billie shook her head. “I don’t think so, no.”

Rosie was blushing fiercely but smiled as he said, “Let’s just say talking about flying in your skivvies doesn’t make the best first impression.” 

Billie threw her head back and cackled. “You’re not serious!” 

“I wish I could say I was joking.”

The sound of footsteps on the gravel and laughter behind them interrupted Billie asking for the whole story. Rosie straightened up and pulled away from Billie to give more than the illusion of a respectable distance between them. Billie hated how sick the sudden distance made her feel. She wanted him back. She felt weightless without his arm around her but for the first time in her life she hated the feeling. She needed grounding.

The pair were quiet while the group of airmen walked behind them and their banter did little to fill the space between Billie and Rosie. Billie suddenly realized Rosie had listened to what she’d said all those hours ago. He was respecting her wishes and letting her set the pace. It felt like it had been an entire lifetime since she’d shied away from his advance. But the more she thought about it the more Billie found herself opposing her original stance. She’d already proved Rebecca right that night so Billie figured she might as well go all in on bringing the gossip to life. 

People were still walking behind them, an unknown number of witnesses but Billie mentally pushed them aside and leaned back into Rosie’s side to close the distance he’d created. An unspoken gesture of consent; the invitation he said he would wait for. His arm immediately wrapped around her shoulder and pulled her until two were pressed tighter together than they’d been before. Billie couldn’t help but giggle as she settled into her new position practically on top of Rosie’s lap. She couldn’t bare to move. He pressed a kiss onto the top of her forehead and Billie barely held back a whimper. It was such a soft sweet thing but she couldn’t remember the last time someone had kissed her forehead. Her stomach flipped as she followed the train of thought and realized, not for the first time, that no one had ever treated her with the reverence Rosie seemed to hold for her. 

She stretched her neck to look up at Rosie through her eyelashes. He looked as drunk as Billie felt and Billie knew with every fiber in her being that Rosie wouldn’t kiss her unless she initiated it. Even though his dilated eyes kept darting from hers to her lips. Just like she could only pull herself away from thinking about what his mustache would feel like against her skin to stare back into his blue eyes. Billie felt ridiculous but nothing felt as right to her as looking at Rosie up close like this. She wanted to look at him for the rest of her life. Without another thought Billie stretched her neck and pressed her lips to his. 

Rosie was slow to respond and Billie was desperate for more. She pulled back the slightest bit and parted her lips. The beginning of saying something, she didn’t know what, was on the tip of her tongue but Rosie stopped her from apologizing or begging for more by closing the distance with a passion that Billie hadn’t been expecting. It was quick to get heavy between them with tongues and hands and Billie felt like she was flying. Rosie’s hands went to her hair and Billie couldn’t help but gasp. The sound seemed to spur Rosie on and his hands moved to cradle her face, keeping her in place while he took what he wanted and what she eagerly gave. Billie had never had this much fun with just kissing. But then he suddenly broke away and dropped his hands as if they were burning. Billie sucked in a deep breath as she struggled to steady her breathing. Her head felt like it weight ten more pounds without Rosie’s hands there to steady her. 

“We need to stop, I don’t want to rush this,” he said seeming to be as out of sorts as she was if his breathing was anything to go by. “I want to savor you.” 

“But I’m having too much fun.” she pouted. Billie knew she was being confusing going back and forth with what she was comfortable with and Rosie deserved better than her instability. But she was too drunk to try and lie to Rosie. Besides, she didn’t like lying to Rosie. 

She didn’t want more than necking in public right now, she didn’t even know if Rosie could handle more than that, but she wanted to keep going. It had been ages since she’d kissed anyone and she’d forgotten just how much she liked it. There was such a lovely intimacy to a good kiss. The real issue was now she knew what it was like to kiss someone she had proper feelings for. Billie had never kissed anyone like Rosie and she wasn’t sure if anyone would be able to live up to him. It was all so ridiculous because in some ways the kiss had been such a mild thing and yet it was the most life changing kiss Billie had ever had. She was on a high like no other and she didn’t want to stop. But she was weak willed when it came to Rosie and she’d do whatever he asked of her.  “This is the opposite of taking things slow. Besides you deserve better than a moonlight tryst outside where anyone can see.” He started brushing her hair back, trying to undo the mess he’d made. 

“I really don’t have it in me to care right now.” She confessed and leaned her head down on his chest. 

“Well that’s very progressive of you.”

She pulled back and studied Rosie. “Are you worried about my honor?” She phrased it as a question but in Billie’s heart it was a statement. She didn’t know how but there were times when she could just tell what he was thinking and this was one of them. 

“Well you said you wanted respectable and I’m trying my hardest over here but you’re making it hard looking at me like that.” His voice dropped, “You’re absolutely beautiful. I hope you’ve been told that a lot over your life because it’s true.” he said almost to himself as if he didn’t realize he was talking out loud. He traced a finger along her jaw and started to go up to her lips but then he dropped his hand. 

Billie had the sudden realization that Rosie probably thought she was a virgin. He probably thought that when she said she was inexperienced he’d assumed in every way. It seemed he hadn’t let any rumors or assumptions get to him. She felt like she owed it to him to be upfront with where she was really at. She was terrified of what he was going to think of her, if he was going to cut things off. It would be the hardest thing to recover from if Rosie broke her heart. 

She took a deep breath and said, “I’ve never been with a man.” 

“I know, you said that earlier.” 

“Romantically. I haven’t been with a man romantically. But I have physically.” Rosie’s face was blank and Billie was quick to continue, “See, I’ve never dated anyone. I’ve never… I’ve never been serious about someone. And no one has ever been serious about me.” She looked at their hands. “I’ve done things I shouldn’t be proud of but the thing is… I wouldn’t be who I am today if I hadn’t made those choices.” And that was a truth Billie wasn’t proud of. So much of her self worth had been built off her body; being approved of sexually was just as formative for her confidence as was meeting her father’s expectations for performing. 

Rosie didn’t say anything and Billie was too scared to look at him to see how he was feeling. If she read his face and saw any sort of disapproval or disappointment she didn’t think her heart would survive. “Does that surprise you?” she asked while running her thumb over the back of Rosie’s hand. 

Rosie shook his head. “Honestly, nothing about you surprises me.” 

Billie didn’t know how to take that and she said as such. She didn’t dare look at him. Rosie was quiet again as he thought about how to explain himself. He started playing with her hair and she couldn’t help but lean into his touch like some sort of animal getting pet. She held back voicing her desire for him to tug just a bit harder knowing it would lead to things getting carried away again. 

“You come across someone who has this distinctively unique life experience. It’s just as you said, you wouldn’t be who you are if you hadn’t made those choices. And who am I to judge you for those choices? You shouldn’t feel like you have to apologize for living your life. You are who you are and I happen to like who you are.” 

“That’s funny because I feel like I’ve barely lived a life at all.” Billie said with a disgruntled chuckle still refusing to look at Rosie. She didn't want to acknowledge his confession of feelings, she was blushing too hard to speak on it.

“Well whatever life it was, I’m glad it brought you to me.” He pressed a kiss onto the top of Billie’s head. 

“You can’t just say things like that.” She finally looked up at Rosie who was looking back confused. 

“What did I say?” he asked.

“It’s like you’re straight out of my dreams. You’re too good to be true.” Billie said breathlessly. 

She was getting sidetracked by some of Rosie’s curls peeking out from under his hat. Billie wanted a turn with her hands in his hair. She raised her hand without thinking about it but let it hover by the side of Rosie’s face as she debated whether or not she should start something. She wanted to but she didn’t know if she should. Billie thought back to what she was talking to Crosby about, momentum. She dropped her hand. 

“And you call me the sweet talker.” Rosie caught her hand as it fell and brought it up to his lips. She loved when he did that, it made her feel like the respectable lady she'd been told her whole life she wasn't.

Billie blushed and curled in on Rosie to hide her face. She felt so safe being in Rosie’s arms she never wanted to leave. She shifted to wrap her arms around him as best she could and leaned her head on his chest as they held each other. His racing heartbeat seemed perfectly in time with her own. Billie really didn’t want anyone to see them wrapped up in each other but at the same time she didn’t have it in her to care one bit who saw them. Rebecca herself could come up in front of them and Billie wouldn’t be able to pull herself away. She just couldn’t resist Rosie. His arms tightened around her and Billie knew the feeling was mutual. 

[complicatedchelsea]

Fallen Through Time For You

Chapter Eleven: Is It Illegal If She Deserved It?

Masterlist:

(gif not mine)

(Sydney's POV)

It was three weeks later that Murray called.

In those three weeks we had all fallen into some sort of routine. When Eddie was at school, I either spent the day with Steve or Hopper or even Joyce if she wasn’t working. Wayne was appreciative that I valued his sleep and didn’t want to bother him during the day, but when he was off, we spent time together too. The days at the station, Steve’s house, or even with Joyce weren’t as nerve wracking as they first were. They truly cared and asked for little in return. Joyce was like the mother I never had, accepting me with open arms and always making sure I had something to eat. Hopper was a little more rough around the edges, but he was another parental figure in my life. He provided stability and after reiterating what occurred at the store, he was quick to promise that nothing like that would ever happen again under his watch. Steve? Steve was quick to become one of my closest friends here. The bond we shared was different, just like he had mentioned. ‘Siblings that only saw of each other through cracks in the foundation’, and I felt like that matched us. Maybe that’s what we were in a different lifetime. 

I was more comfortable around everyone now. It was like we all had collectively decided that while I was a mess, no one was treating me differently. The kids were very entertaining to be around, but God did they have questions. Some that I couldn’t even answer. Dustin was the most curious, and I swear he spent most of his time with me trying to get useful information. He was a very curious person, and it was an added bonus to see the way he interacted with Eddie and Steve. The bond that they shared with him was nothing I had ever witnessed. One minute Steve could be bitching at Dustin’s tone, and the next making sure he wasn’t hurt from a fight with Mike. 

Max was another one I was surprised about getting close to. The rides to school and back with her let me into some more insight about what happened to her over spring break, and why she never seemed to go anywhere without her walkman. She was a firecracker, but had a heart of gold and knew exactly what to say when she saw me getting overwhelmed. We were all over at Steve’s for a movie night when Mike broke a plate. I had flinched and with just one look at me she knew what I was thinking and pulled me to the side. She fell asleep on my lap that night during a movie, and when I smiled up at Eddie, I don’t think my heart ever felt so full. 

Eddie, well Eddie was everything. He was serious, after his talk that day he went beyond any effort he had made previously. It was like all stipulations had disappeared on his side; he was touchier than ever and way more vocal in his praises. It was getting easier for me too, and every time I reached out first for affection, he’d give me his million-dollar smile. It was so easy to let myself be loved by him. And any time I would worry about how much effort he was putting in and how I wasn’t worth it, he’d shut me up with a look and promise that he would do this everyday for the rest of our lives if needed. Even though I think he hadn’t said the words yet for my sake, I could feel them with everything he did. 

It was Sunday night, which meant no Wayne and no interruptions. With everyone constantly checking in, it was hard to get some alone time with Eddie. Especially with him trying to graduate this year, he’d come home and do homework or work on the campaign and then crash. Not that I was complaining, a sleepy Eddie was very affectionate and it always made up for missing him during the day. He’d pull me close, thumb brushing against our soulmarks in the darkness of his room. It was so easy to melt into him, letting him protect me from everything outside those four walls. 

The fabric of the couch was itchy beneath my arms as Eddie laid on top of me. His weight was something I had gotten used to over the weeks, always wanting to be in contact with me in any way possible. I was the one that pulled him on top of me one night, wanting to feel the comfort of his weight on top of me and he must have liked it because he took every opportunity to lean up against me.  He was using one arm to prop himself up and his fingers tracing patterns on my bare arm, while his other hand was being used to trace light lines on my face. With every movement of his fingers, it left behind a static feeling that had my face flushing. Eddie’s face was flushed, a dazed smile on his face with his hair falling out of the lazy bun he had put it in when he got on top of me. My hands were splayed against his chest, my eyes closing at the intimacy of his actions. When his touch left my face, I opened my eyes to see that he had leaned closer, his eyes flickering down to my lips. 

This was finally it. This is when he was going to actually kiss me. I closed my eyes as he leaned down and just as I could feel his breath against my face…

The phone rang. 

“Jesus H. Christ,” Eddie muttered as I opened my eyes. His face had flushed darker and he pushed himself up so he was sitting on his heels. The force of his eye roll had me giggling as his eyes softened. “Do I really need to get that?”

I sat up on my elbows, giving him a nudge with my knee. “It could be important?”

He groaned again and sent me a look as he tumbled off the couch towards the phone. “Munson residence. You better have a damn good reason for calling.”

“Eddie!” I laughed as I sat all the way up and he waved a hand at me. 

Eddie’s facial expression changed from annoyance to curiosity. “Let me get her.” He rested the phone against his chest. “It’s Murray. He wants to speak to you.”

I crossed the room quickly to take the phone from Eddie. He stood next to me, arm wrapped around me as he lowered his head next to mine to try and hear our conversation. “Murray?”

“Sydney!” Murray’s excited phone came from across the line. “It’s been so long since I’ve seen you, child!”

I sent a questioning glance to Eddie, his expression mirroring mine. After our initial meeting, Hopper explained to me that Murray is overly cautious. Claiming that the government is listening in on our phone calls after everything with the Upside Down. That if Murray had anything to say to me, it would be in riddles and half-truths until we met back up in person. 

“Indeed it has,” I let out a soft laugh. “You miss me already?”

“I have those family photos you asked me to find,” Murray said in response. “The ones that your Mom didn’t let you leave with? Do you think I can drop by tomorrow and deliver them in person? We could get lunch and catch up?”

“Sure,” I said as Eddie moved a hand to rub down my back. “You want to invite Uncle Hop and make it a family affair?”

“Always, kid.” Murray replied. “You’ll tell him when you see him?”

“Of course.”

“See you tomorrow, kiddo.”

The line disconnected in true Murray fashion, leaving me slightly confused as Eddie hung the phone back up. “What was that about?”

“Murray wants to bring me some family photos?” I questioned. “Which is ridiculous because I wasn’t in an-”

I stopped. “The documents. The ones that he faked, they must be ready.”

“Already?” Eddie asked as he pulled me to his chest. 

I shrugged under his arms. “I guess. That’s why he’s gotta be back in town. I’ll tell Hopper in the morning when you drop me at the station.”

“Do you want me to skip so I can be with you?” Eddie asked, starting to sway us to a tune that he could only hear. 

I shook my head. Since that last altercation, I really hadn’t been in public that much, less with Eddie. We kept our appearances to a minimum for my sake, not ready for someone else to approach us. “You need to be in class.”

Eddie groaned. “Sweetheart, one day isn’t going to matter.”

“Shh,” I said as I leaned up to pat his check. “I’ll be fine. When we get home you can see my new family tree.”

Eddie sighed and looked over my head to the clock hanging on the opposite wall. “It’s getting late, do you want to head to bed?”

I snorted. “You mean hide under the covers and whisper to each other until we fall asleep?”

He sent me my favorite smile. “I knew you were made for me.”

Monday’s were always spent at the station with Hopper. His excuse was that I made his day more tolerable, but I also knew that it was his slowest day and if I wasn’t there he would be snoozing at his desk. Eddie dropped me off with a kiss to the cheek and drum solo blaring out his speakers. I waited until he drove away with El to broach the subject with Hopper. 

“So Murray called last night.”

Hopper raised his eyebrows from where he was trying to light his cigarette. “He called you? About the documents?”

I raised my eyebrows. “You know the documents are ready?”

Hopper shrugged and exhaled a cloud of smoke. “He called Joyce to invite her out to the lunch you were supposed to tell me about.”

I smirked. “How do you know he called Joyce last night?”

Hopper glared down at me. “I’m not allowed to spend time at the Byers house?”

“It sounds like you had an ulterior motive, Uncle Hop.” I said with a laugh and moved out of the way as he swatted at me. “You making night house calls now?”

“Shut your mouth.” He pointed a finger at me. “You’re just as bad as El.”

I shrugged and tried to conceal a smile. 

We left for the diner a lot earlier than we needed to, Hopper saying that if he heard Callahan’s annoying voice one more time he was going to lock him in a cell. Joyce was waiting for us outside the diner, sitting on one of the wooden benches with a magazine in hand. 

“Hey!” Joyce leaned forward to hug me as we got closer, her hugs always making me feel more grounded. “You’re early.”

“Well, so are you.” Hopper said as he leaned down to kiss her cheek. He sent me a warning look when he stood back up, and I just smiled and pretended to look elsewhere. 

“Murray claims he’s going to be on time but he never is,” Joyce teased as she guided me to sit back beside her on the bench. “That man only runs on his time.”

“But he told you why he was coming?” I asked. 

She squeezed my shoulders. “After today you will officially have a paper-trail following you to Hawkins. That way no one can raise any questions about where you come from.” Her eyebrows furrowed for a second. “Is anyone else giving you trouble?”

I sent Hopper a look and he raised his hands. “Don’t look at me. Blame the kids. How do you think Eddie reacted about that day at the grocery store? Of course the kids were gonna be worried.”

“No,” I said and twisted my fingers in my lap. Maybe I should have had Eddie come with me today. “I really haven't given anyone the chance to either.”

“Sweetie,” Joyce said as she pulled me into a side hug. “You can’t just shut yourself up like that.”

Before I could answer her, Murray made his presence known by dropping his bag in Hopper’s lap and reached down to hug Joyce. “Ah, my favorite adults. How are we doing on this cloudy day?”

“Murray,” Hopper said in amusement with an eye roll. “Looks like you actually made it in time.”

“Hey,” Murray drew back like he was offended. “Since I saved your ass in Russia I have been nothing but on time.”

Joyce laughed and tugged me off the bench to follow her inside. We tried to be discreet by choosing a booth in the back, but there weren’t very many people dining in the first place. Murray waited until the waitress took our orders before sliding a folder my way. 

“You are officially Sydney Thompson from a small town no one has heard about in Montana. Your “mother” is the only one listed on your birth certificate but I have an official document here putting you in Jim’s care.”

He wasn’t wrong. There were many documents in that folder, including information on a bank account in my name. I picked it up and let Joyce look over it as I glanced back at Murray. “What is this?”

Murray smiled. “It’s a welcome to the party gift. Don’t go crazy, I didn’t put very much in it, but at least you have something to your name now. It’s completely ours, but now you have roots here.” 

“You mean we didn’t put much in there.” Joyce laughed as she moved the folder out the way when the waitress came with our food. “Stop trying to take credit for what we all did.”

I felt my throat get tight and looked around the adults at the table. “Thank you.”

Murray cleared his throat. “I don’t do well with tears, maybe just get me a good bottle of vodka and we’ll call it even?”

When lunch ended, Murray followed Joyce and I followed Hopper. We didn’t make it very far from the diner before Hopper stopped me. He glanced down at the folder in my hands and beckoned it over and I gave it without a fight. It was a few good minutes of him looking over some of the paperwork before he shut it with a snap and handed it back to me. Before I could take it, his grip tightened on the corner in his hand. 

“Are you okay with this?” Hopper asked me. “I know that we talked about this being a temporary solution, but now it’s official. Are you still okay with being tied to me?”

I cocked my head. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Hopper looked around us to point out the obvious, the stares that he was getting from the nosy people of Hawkins. The stares that I knew he was getting every time he went out in public, how they ranged from sympathy when he was with El, to the anger some people had of him back in the police uniform. 

“Hop,” I let out a sigh and refocused on him. “My father was never around much and when he was, he was a drunk asshole who wanted to tell everyone what a mistake it was to have a daughter. In my time here you’ve been more of a father to me than that man has been in my twenty years of life. And if you don’t want me thinking of you that way, then th-”

Hopper didn’t let me finish as he pulled me into a tight hug. The folder was awkwardly squashed between us and I had to stand on my toes to properly hug him back, but it was one of the best hugs I had ever got. 

When he stepped back, a heavy hand squeezed my shoulder. “I’d be honored if you thought of me like that. I meant what I said that day, I always take in strays.”

I laughed and that was that. No more hesitation on my side. The found family that I discovered was amazing and I wouldn’t trade them for anything. And when Eddie and I got home that night and showed Wayne the documents, I got another fatherly hug from Wayne that leveled right up there with Hopper’s. Why would I ever want to go back? 

_______________________________________________

“I just don’t get why you have to buy the Eggo brand, Steve.” Robin said as she shut the freezer door behind Steve. “It’s not like she’s going to taste the difference.”

“Robin,” Steve glared at her from across the shopping cart. “Please don’t start this again. I’m always gonna give El what she wants. If she wants Eggos, I can buy her some Eggos.”

“Yeah, Buckley.” Eddie chimed in from where he was swinging our joined hands, us watching them argue over what each other was putting in the cart. “Just like the difference between Red Vines and Twizzlers. They are both licorice, are you saying they taste the same?”

“Fuck off, Munson” Robin said, not unkindly as she pushed the cart forward. “Why are we friends with you again?”

Currently Robin, Steve, Eddie, and I were making a snack run to Bradleys. We were having a movie night tomorrow and Steve couldn’t not have the right snacks in his house. After hangry kids and an ‘accidental’ breaking of a picture in Steve’s hallway, we weren’t going to risk it. This was also the first time being out with Eddie since the incident, and having both Robin and Steve there really helped my anxiety. 

It also helped that Eddie didn’t let go of my hand. But Robin had something to say about that too.

She watched as Eddie twirled me the middle of the frozen isle, the music playing throughout the story was too low to hear, but Eddie was a man that always moved to his own beat. I laughed as he spun me back to him, tripping slightly as I landed against his chest. 

“Bleh,” Robin said with a smile as she looked over at Steve who was studying the list he had compiled. “Is this what we have to look forward to?”

I heard Steve snort. “Just be lucky that this is all they are doing.”

“Hey!” Eddie said, not offended as he shifted his hold from around me back to my hand. “We are not that bad.”

“She is not that bad,” Steve pointed at me and rolled his eyes. “Eddie, have you met you?”

Before Eddie could retaliate, I heard loud voices from the other end of the aisle. I turned in Eddie’s hold to investigate, but was met with the sight of three women pointing at our group. 

“-let him back in public?” I heard one say. 

“-pper should really be doing his job. Letting an accused murder walk the streets?” Another gawked out. 

When I looked back at Eddie, I could see all amusement was wiped from his face and his eyes tightened in a way that I knew meant he was upset. Steve and Robin were quiet behind us, and with one glance, I could see that they were staring down the women too. 

“Hey,” I whispered to get Eddie’s attention. His eyes snapped to me from where he was watching them, him trying to school his expression for me. “They don’t exist, remember? It’s just us.”

Eddie let out a sigh. “Just us.”

“C’mon guys,” Steve said. Robin had moved to stand in front of us, her back to the gossiping women. She reached a hand out the rub at one of my arms. “Let’s just finish this.”

Without another glance at them, I let Eddie turn me around to follow Steve, Robin stayed on my other side like she was going to try and protect me from anyone that approached us. I thought we had gotten away with it, that they were going to leave us alone and we could get out without any other altercations. But Eddie was adamant that he could go get his cereal and be right back. 

“Gonna miss me, sweetheart? It’s just one aisle.” Eddie laughed and leaned down to kiss my head. “I’ll be quick, you won’t even notice I’m gone.”

I frowned, still on edge. What if those women were gonna follow us around the store? 

“I’ll get you some pop tarts,” Eddie bargained with me. “Just stay here with Robin and Steve. If we split up, the less time we can be in here and the sooner we can be getting something to eat.”

“Yeah,” Robin as her arm wrapped around my shoulders. “Go get your nasty cereal, Munson. No one else is gonna eat it.”

Eddie flipped her off with a smile as he turned the corner. Anxiety bubbled in my chest as he left my sight. “They are going to follow him.”

“You don’t know that,” Steve said as the cart came to a stop next to me. “Most of them just like to gossip from a distance. I’m sure Hopper scared the rest of them off.”

“C’mon,” Robin pulled me along with her as we followed Steve. “All we got left is Max and Will’s chips and we can leave,”

A few minutes passed as Steve and Robin debated on chips and Eddie wasn’t back yet. The bubble of anxiety just kept growing in my chest. Something in my chest told me I should have followed Eddie. 

And then I felt it, what Eddie was talking about all this time. I felt the feeling of fear settle into the back of my spine. I could tell it wasn’t my emotion, it was Eddie’s.

“Guys,” I said to get their attention. “We need to find Eddie, now.”

I didn’t give them a chance to argue as I took off to find him. I tried to remember the layout from the last time I was here, but it wasn’t needed as I heard loud voices coming from two aisles down. I didn’t wait to see if Steve and Robin were behind me to help me stop this, I just knew I had to get to Eddie. The voices got louder the closer I got. 

“Really think you should be able to walk around here?”

“Devil Worshipper!”

“How can you even show your face around here?”

“Lying to that poor girl, how hasn’t Hopper thrown you in jail?”

“Killer!”

“Hey!” I shouted as I heard that last remark. I was just rounding the end of the aisle and saw that they had Eddie backed into the shelf, cereal box clutched in his hand. It would be a funnier sight on another day, four older ladies in their bright pinks crowding Eddie in his black clothes. But this wasn’t another day, this was today when they were harassing Eddie in a stupid grocery store. “Get away from him!”

I didn’t stop moving as I approached the group, shouldering who got in my way to stand in front of Eddie. Eddie’s face was pale and his gaze was pointed downward at his shoes when I got in front of him. He wouldn’t meet my gaze, but did take my hand when I offered it to him. 

I turned back to the group of women, furious. “You have two seconds to leave before I’m calling my Uncle. You have no right to say those things here!”

“Honey,” One woman said condescendingly as she tried to reach out to me. “You don’t know what’s going on. He murd-”

I could feel Eddie flinch harshly behind me. He fought to get his hand out of mine, but I refused and tightened my grip. 

“Shut the hell up!” I yelled. I could hear that the store had gotten too quiet and the sound of Robin’s boots as she and Steve made their way to us. “You don’t know anything about what happened. Eddie is not a goddamn murderer. He didn’t kill Chrissy, he didn’t kill Patrick, he’s never hurt anyone!”

“I’m calling Hopper,” I heard Steve say as Robin made her way to my side, both of us working as a barrier between the women and Eddie. I could barely see Steve behind them, but nodded in the direction his voice came from. 

“How could you stand behind him in good conscience?” One of the women said, targeted at me. “How can you stand there knowing what he’s done? That makes you just as bad!”

“He shouldn’t even have a soulmark!” The other cried out. “Not after he split apart Jason and Chrissy! An eye for an eye, a mark for a mark!”

“Stop!” I said as I took a threatening step forward. I stood as tall as I could, wanting to seem as intimidating to these women. “You don’t know jack shit. Eddie didn’t do it! Out of everyone in this store, Eddie deserves his soulmark the most! You have no idea what happened in that Creel House. And I promise you if you lay one hand on him, you won’t ever see anything else but a goddamn jail cell.”

“Is that a threat?” The third asked with huff. 

I smiled as crazily as I could at the three. “You don’t know where I came from and you don’t even know why I’m here. You really want to test that theory now? I dare you to see what happens.”

Suddenly Eddie ripped his hand out of my grip and dropped the box of cereal. He wouldn’t meet my eyes as I turned to face him in confusion, instead choosing to bolt towards the direction of the exit of the store. I watched as he stumbled around people and made a quick exit to the right as the automatic doors opened. When I turned back to the group of women, they all had smug faces. 

“I think we took care of that, didn’t we Margret?” The ringleader of the group said. “He shouldn’t be back anytime soon.”

“You have no idea what you’ve just done,” I said with an angry laugh. “I can make what happened over spring break look like child’s play. You think you should be afraid of Eddie?” I took another step closer to the women, ignoring Robin’s attempt to draw me back. I was all in now. “Just go back to your boring life with your loveless marriage and repressed feelings where you see your husband for two hours at night and your kids when they want something from you. Where the only joy you get is gossiping about the people of this small town or making fun of your new neighbors. But I promise you, if you ever mess with any of the Munson’s again and I find out, I’ll make sure all that goes away. I’ll have Hopper arrest you before you can shed a single tear. Do you understand me?”

She took a step back from me as Steve reapproached us. Steve looked at my angry expression and the worried one from Robin that I could just feel with the stress rolling off of her. Steve stepped between us, his back to the women with himself facing me. 

“Hopper’s not at the station but he’s sending Powell and Callahan to take care of it.” Steve said. “But he is making a trip to the store and he’s very angry that this interrupted his only night off.”

“Well, good.” One of them piped up from behind Steve causing him to turn around. “He can finally arrest Munson and get him out of here.”

Steve raised an eyebrow, a shocked expression filtering his face. “He’s not here for Eddie or Sydney. He’s here for you three. He’s put out several warnings about messing with the Munson’s, and now you’ve threatened his niece?”

One sputtered. “We didn’t threaten her!”

“I heard it!” Robin piped up from beside me, her arm coming around my shoulders. “And I’m sure no one else is gonna want to get involved to deny it!”

Noise started to pick up around us again, everyone that was viewing the spectacle started to go their own ways. Seemingly not wanting to have to deal with Hopper and whatever he was going to do to these three. 

Steve crossed his arms and turned his body in my direction. “Sydney? Robin and I will stay here. Why don’t you go find Eddie?”

I nodded, sending another glare at the women as I stepped away from them. I didn’t bother with any of the crowd that lingered, just pushed my way through the people and met each disgusted gaze with one of my own. No one else said a word to me as I made it to the automatic doors and it felt like forever getting the doors to open. I peered out into the parking lot, heading first to the van that set a little aways from the door. 

“Eddie?!” I banged on the back of the van as I moved around to circle the front. There was no one in the front seats and when I pulled open the side door, there was no Eddie hiding in the back of the van. 

“Eddie?” I asked again into the dying light of the parking lot. “Eddie?”

I scoped the parking lot, but there was no one else there. There was a lone phone booth sitting at the edge of the parking lot, but no metalhead was holed up in there either. I let out a deep sigh as I leaned back against the van, desperate to find him. Eddie never mentioned how much these remarks bothered him, but it didn’t take a second glance to see the way he would get lost in himself. Eddie wasn’t dangerous to anyone but himself, and God forbid he does something stupid in his moment of disassociation. 

Bang!

The sound of metal ricocheting drew my attention back towards the store, specifically to the area beside it. I took quick steps in the direction, almost knowing that Eddie had to be the cause of the noise. It was a little more difficult to see around the side of the store, the sun going down enough but not far enough for the streetlights to come up. 

“Eddie?” I asked into the air as I took quiet steps past a dumpster and boxes of cardboard stacked upon each other. “Baby? Are you back here?”

I was met with no reply as I turned the corner to the back of the building. It was much darker back here, the only light coming from a bulb above what looked like a back entrance. 

“Baby?” I asked again as I squinted to make out any shapes. “I just want to know that you are okay. Please just let me know that you are back here.”

A humorless chuckle drew my attention to the right and at that moment with a rescinding click, the lights at the back of the building turned on. There was Eddie, sitting on an overturned milk crate, leaning back against the store wall with a cigarette in his mouth. He looked so angry, his hair a mess from where he was probably pulling at the roots which I knew he did when he got stressed. His expression was pinched, but even from a few feet away I could see how sad his beautiful eyes were. One hand clutched his cigarette while the other was flipping the lid open and shut on his lighter. 

“Am I okay?” He asked me, another humorless chuckle leaving him as he took a puff from his cigarette. “Why wouldn’t I be okay?”

“Oh, Eddie.” I said, my heart breaking as I saw the mask slip and sadness replaced the anger. “It’s okay to be upset about this. I’m upset about this!”

“Are you now?” Eddie asked rhetorically, as he put the lighter away and leaned forward in his position.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” I asked, now upset that he wasn’t fired up as I was. “That was an ambush Eddie! Those women had no right to say those things about you!”

It was quiet for a moment as Eddie threw his cigarette down and stomped it into the ground. “They sounded right, didn’t they?”

It drew me up short. “I’m sorry, what?”

Eddie’s hands made their way into his hair, pulling at the roots like I thought he was doing before. “Those women, hell the whole store probably thinks that all of that is true. So if they do, it must be right? I’m a murder that doesn’t deserve a soulmark?”

“Eddie!” I said, astounded. “None of that is true. You can’t possibly think that.”

He chuckled again, and this one sounded more wet like he was holding something back. “Were you there when Chrissy’s bones snapped and her eyes got sucked out of her head? When Patrick floated into the air in front of me on that lake? Or when the ground threatened to rip apart under our feet when we thought Vecna had won?”

I stayed silent, not moving as Eddie continued. He made eye contact with me then. 

“You weren’t. You weren’t here when I started going out in public alone and had to deal with this. How I would come out of a store and my tires would be slashed or the van would be spray painted with cruel words that took days to scrub off.”

He rubbed at his face and stood up to pace, moving in a small circle around the crate. 

“I’m going to have to deal with this for the rest of my life in Hawkins, sweetheart. If I were you, I’d run for the fucking hills. That’s all I’m ever going to be in this town is a murderer that just wanted to help the nice cheerleader get some goddamn sleep. And see where it got me?”  

He paused, the anger seeming to drain out of him. “I had to stop doing drug deals at night because I would be followed and beaten. Do you really want to stick around for that? What if you are with me one night and they get to you?”

“I-” I started but I couldn’t seem to get a breath in as I started to cry. “What happened to all that stuff you talked about weeks ago? What you promised me?”

“This is my life, Sydney.” Eddie said as he swept his arms out, his voice kept getting louder and louder. “Being harassed in a goddamn supermarket, being followed after school, having to hide how I feel when parents push their kids behind them in public. Do you really want to have to deal with that the rest of the time we are here?”

Eddie sunk to his knees, tears finally escaping his eyes as a heartbreaking sound left him. Even when he showed me his scars and the breakdown that followed, he never sounded this sad. This resigned to the life he had. He pressed his hands to his eyes like he could force the sadness back into the darkest parts of him. 

“I’m so sorry, Sydney.” Eddie cried and I finally moved forward, falling to my knees in front of him. “This is what you chose, this is the life we are going to have here. Us getting harassed in supermarkets and being denied service at some places. You think I want this for you? I can’t give you much in this life, and until we can leave here this is what our lives are going to be.”

I didn’t answer him at first, just reaching forward to pull him into me and he just collapsed. His sobs got heavier and his arms circled me to clutch me closer to his chest. I held him tightly, not realizing that things had gotten this bad. How long had this been going on before I arrived? Twice a week, three times, everyday? 

“Eddie, baby look at me.” I said as I rubbed a hand down his back and tried to pull back. His grip tightened, pushing his face into my neck. “Okay, you don’t have to look at me but you have to listen.”

I sighed as he continued to shake in my arms. “Eddie, it doesn’t matter what they say to me about you. I’m never going to believe them. I chose this life, I chose to live it with you here in a small town that I had never heard of and far away from my time. Do you really think a few old ladies are going to have me running for the hills?”

“But,” Eddie hiccuped and sat back on his heels, his arms still locked around me and forced me to fall back with him. The gravel was rubbing the material of my jeans into my knees, but I wasn’t going to move. Not when he needed me. “The bruises that-”

“Baby,” I said as softly as I could. “Dustin hit me with his textbook last week and I still have a bruise on my arm. Do you really think that bothers me?”

Eddie looked up at me then. “Sweetheart, someone grabbed you three weeks ago. I can live with the shoves and assault, but the fact they think they can do it to you? That’s a line I’m not willing to cross. I can’t let you put up with that.”

“So what?” I scoffed, trying to get him to see how ridiculous he was being over this. I chose him all those weeks ago, and I’m choosing him now. “You want me to leave you here alone in all this? Go back to a time where I’m unloved and trapped in a house that’s going to break me worse than what you found me?”

“No!” Eddie yelled at me. He moved so his hands were clutching my face. “Please don’t leave me. I don’t think I’d survive it.”

“Baby,” I whimpered out as my heart broke more for him. “You can’t tell me to go and stay in one sentence. I’m telling you like I told you all those weeks ago that I’m with you. We are in this together. So what if the people of Hawkins are narrow minded? We weren’t going to stay here forever. I’d follow you anywhere; wherever you go, I will go.”

Eddie was sniffiling loudly, his brown eyes tracking across my face like he was waiting for my expression to change. “I don’t think I’d forgive myself if they hurt you.”

“No one is going to hurt me.” I said with all the conviction that I had. “Eddie, don’t turn this around on us. Nothing that happened there is your fault and it never will be. I’m angry at them, not you. I’m never going to be mad at you. I’m never going to leave you. I can’t change what happened back in March, but I can tell you that the trauma of Chrissy’s death needs to be lightened. You didn’t kill her baby, you did nothing wrong. She was with you in her final moments, can you imagine how much more scared she would have been if she had been alone? She trusted you. None of those women in that store can take that from you.”

I moved a hand up to push his hair away from his face, wiping his tears away in vain as more continued to fall. “You have never not been deserving of a soulmark Eddie.  You are one of the kindest, craziest, self sacrificing people I have ever met. The universe took one look at you and decided I was worthy of all of this. I’m going to make sure you know that everyday.”

Eddie leaned into my touch, his eyes slipping closed as some of the tension left his frame. “Isn’t that my line?”

I let out a tiny laugh and moved to pull him back into my embrace. “I’m serious Eddie. It’s okay to be frustrated and upset about what they say, but you can’t ever believe them. They weren’t there Eddie. They didn’t see what you did to save this town, the sacrifices you made and probably will continue to make if Vecna comes back. You can’t let them win.”

Eddie hummed, his chest vibrating against mine. “It’s just so hard when you hear it all the time. Everywhere I go I hear the whispers of what they think of me. After a while of hearing something, you start to believe it. You know?”

I nodded and moved my hands to cup his face and pull it to where I could see him. “Baby, I promise you every day I’m going to remind you that whatever you hear isn’t true. We are in this together, remember?”

“Together,” Eddie echoed back at me like I had done to him all those weeks ago. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

I smiled then, glad to see that his tears had stopped. “You won’t ever have to find out.”

“Yeah?” Eddie asked, leaning forward to tuck some hair behind my ear. My thumbs moved to wipe the tears from his face, some color returning to his pale features. 

“Oh, yeah.” I teased. “You’re stuck with me.”

“What a shame,” Eddie said dramatically as he swayed under my hands. “I have to deal with you for the rest of our lives?”

Eddie let out a laugh and made a move to get to his feet. He reached a hand down to me, helping me off the dirty ground and leaning down to brush at my knees when I stood up. He fussed over me for another moment, pushing my hair over my shoulders and wiping at my face for any leftover tears. “Thank you for coming to find me.”

“Hey,” I said as I reached for him. “Don’t thank me. I’d do anything for you, even beating up a few old women.”

“Would you now?” Eddie said as we pulled each other closer. “You’d take all of Hawkins' gossip for me?”

“In a heartbeat.” I said back without any hesitation. “I don’t know if you noticed, but I’m kind of obsessed with you.”

Eddie raised his eyebrows, my favorite smile of his pulling at his lips. “I’ve got you beat, sweetheart.”

Eddie leaned his face forward, completely in my space as we shared the air between us. “I crave you, Sydney. When you are not with me, it pains me to be away from you. I won’t ever need anything else when I’m with you.”

With that, Eddie leaned forward and hesitantly pressed his lips to mine. I let out a small noise of surprise and after a second of catching up, I pressed forward to wrap my arms around his neck and pull him as close as possible. Eddie responded with the same enthusiasm, his kisses getting deeper and more confident as his hands clutched harder at my face. My heart was going crazy in my chest, my body filling with static at the emotions running through me. It was like every emotion was being amplified, like touching a wire of electricity. One of my hands moved to grasp at the hair at the back of his neck while the other moved to grab at his wrist; and when I brushed over his soulmark, it felt like I was in the sun. 

Eddie must have felt the same because he pulled back taking a sharp breath, his forehead leaning against mine. “Sydney?”

Instead of verbally responding, I pushed myself up to kiss him again, already knowing that I was addicted to this now. The closeness between us, the feeling of Eddie inside and out as he kissed me. I kissed him deeper, more emotional like I wouldn’t survive without him. Like he was my life-source and every minute I spent not with his lips on mine was a second of not living. 

I pulled back after it felt like my lungs were on fire, Eddie moving my face to look at him. He had this dreamy look on his face and I felt pride swell within me. I did that, I made him feel that way. 

“Sydney,” Eddie chuckled. “If you don’t stop, I’m not going to be able to stop.”

“Oh?” I asked him, feeling in my chest like that day at the arcade. Him pushing me against the van, the trailing of hands. “What if I don’t want you to stop kissing me?”

Eddie groaned and moved his forehead to rest back against mine. “Sweetheart, don’t ask those questions. I am a weak man for you.”

“Yeah?” I asked back with a smile. Eddie dropped his hands from my face to my waist, his grip tightening as I leaned forward to kiss at the corner of his mouth. “I want you to be weak for me Eddie.”

A series of emotions filtered across his face before what I could only describe as hunger settled on his features. He chuckled, his hands forcing my waist to connect with his. His head bent down to my neck and I felt him start to mouth at my neck. I felt my knees shake, my heart beating incredibly loud in my ears. My face was hot and flushed as I grasped onto him, wanting to stay present and not drift away in his clutches. 

“This isn’t the place to be weak for you, sweetheart.” Eddie said as he pressed another kiss to my neck and then leaned back. I let out a low whine and the smile that painted his face promised me he would just eat me up. “The sounds that I want to pull out of you? Those should be reserved for my ears only.”

My face flushed darker if possible and before I could come up with something to say, I heard the sound of Robin and Steve. 

Eddie must have heard them too before because he groaned and the step he took back from me seemed like it pained him. He moved to grab my hand, keeping me close to his side as they rounded the corner. 

“Everything okay?” Steve asked as they came closer. He looked us both over and after a moment, I saw a look cross his face. “Wait, did we interrupt something?”

Robin eyed both of us before she busted out laughing. “We leave you alone for two seconds and you can’t keep your hands to yourself?”

Eddie grumbled beside me and moved so he had an arm wrapped around my shoulders. “What did you two come out here for?”

“Hopper’s here,” Steve shared. “He wants to talk to both of you.”

I frowned. “Are we in trouble?”

Robin shook her head. “No. I think he wants to know if you are going to press charges against those women.”

I watched Eddie’s eyes widen in surprise. “He wants to press charges?”

Steve frowned. “Eddie, he’s given several warnings and people are still bothering you. He takes this very seriously.”

Eddie shook his head. “I just didn’t expect it.”

Steve regarded him for a moment before turning to look at me. “Do you and Robin want to go ahead? I need to say something to Eddie.”

I looked up at Eddie and sent me a nod saying that he’d be okay. I leaned up to kiss his cheek before taking Robin’s outstretched hand and heading back the way we came. When we rounded the corner I could see Hopper dressed in his normal clothes, arms crossed and glaring down at the three women that harassed us earlier. They looked upset, the ring leader looking like she was going to cry at the thought of Eddie pressing charges. Good.

“Uncle Hop,” I greeted as we got closer to the group and moved in for the hug when he reached out for me. “I’m sorry you had to come out on your night off.”

Hopper ruffled my hair when I stepped back. “Don’t worry about it, kiddo. I told you to call me if anyone bothered you or Munson.”

Hopper’s expression melted back into the one I’ve only seen a handful of times, the one he gets when he goes into “Cop Mode”. “Are these the women that harassed you in the store?”

I nodded. “Yes.”

“And they caused a scene? Robin said when you got to him they had pressed against a shelf?”

“Yes,” I sent a glare towards the group. “They were accusing him of being a murder and a devil worshiper.”

“But she threatened us!” One of them cried and tried to reach out to Hopper. He moved out of their range with a look of disgust on his face. “We didn’t do anything wrong!”

“Witnesses say that you three are the ones that have done the threatening.” Hopper stated. “Now do you know if Munson wants to press charges?”

“No,” Eddie’s voice came from behind me. I turned and offered him my hand when he got close enough, but he opted to wrap an arm around my waist. “I don’t want to press charges.”

I sent Steve a look from over my shoulder as he came up behind Eddie, and he nodded back at me. Whatever they talked about must have worked itself out. Eddie looked a little better, still upset about what happened but more like he had let some of the sadness go. 

“You three are still coming to the station with me to fill out some paperwork.” Hopper said as he pointed towards the group of women. The two other officers came forward and started to direct them towards the flashing police cars. “You’re going to have to call your husbands to get your vehicles later. You are very lucky Munson’s not pressing charges but if I hear about any of you harassing him again, I won’t hesitate. You understand?”

The women nodded and didn’t saything as they followed the officers. Hopper let out a deep sigh and rubbed his forehead. “Are you guys okay?”

“We will be,” Eddie said as he pulled me closer to him, like he couldn’t stand for me to not be touching every part of him. “I just wasn’t expecting that to happen tonight. Thanks for coming.”

Hopper shrugged. “Despite our past Munson, you’re a part of this group now and that makes you family.” He sent me a look. “You too. I mean it, if anyone bothers you like this again I am pressing charges regardless.”

Eddie shrugged. “Maybe this will finally scare them into leaving me alone.”

Hopper stared at him for a moment. “If I found out that you didn't tell Wayne about this, I am calling the man myself. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes, Chief.” Eddie said back with a small smile. “Thanks.”

Hopper reached out to grasp Eddie’s shoulder before stepping back and heading towards his vehicle. We watched him pull out of the parking lot, the other cop cars following after him. It was a moment or two before any of us moved, the night turning out completely different than we thought it was going to be. 

Steve tossed Eddie the van keys. “I had Robin check us out as I met with Hopper. So you don’t have to worry about going back in there.”

Eddie sighed and it seemed some weight came off his shoulders. “Thanks, I really didn’t want to go back into that store. Can we just drop the two of you off? I’m not up for doing anything else tonight.”

“Sure,” Robin said. She glanced around for a second before spotting a lone cart. “Can I do one thing first?”

Eddie nodded, confusion painting his face. Robin looked around for a moment before rushing towards the cart and walking it down the parking lot. We watched her peak around before narrowing in on a car. With a big push, she sent the cart flying and watched it crash into the driver side door. 

“Robin!” Steve hissed as he took off after her. Eddie and I shared a glance, our mischievous smiles mimicking each other. “Destroying someone else’s property is illegal!”

“Is it illegal if she deserved it?” Robin said as Steve caught up to her, Eddie and I took our time walking towards them. “I saw her put her stuff in this car! No one is going to say anything.”

Steve rubbed at his face before his hands dropped at his side. “Is that it?”

Robin pouted. “Will you let me slash one of their tires?”

Eddie snickered and leaned forward to give Robin a high-five. “That’s my best friend! But in the event of the police leaving, we should keep our crime rate low.”

“Next time then,” Robin said with a laugh. She jumped at Steve. “C’mon Steve, aren’t you angry?”

“Of course I’m angry!” Steve said. “I just don’t want to commit crimes in a public place!”

Robin laughed and let Steve lead her towards Eddie’s van. I watched them bicker over who should get the front seat before they both gave up and got in the back. I turned towards Eddie to see him watching them with a fond look on his face.

“How did I get so lucky?” He asked no one in particular. “Being around all of you.”

“You deserve everything, Eddie.” I said as I leaned up to kiss his cheek. “Now the sooner we get them home, the sooner you can make out with me in the comfort of your bedroom.”

Eddie sent me a mischievous look and started moving us towards the van. “I’ve created a monster, haven’t I?”

I just sent him another smile as he opened the passenger door and helped me into the van. He snuck in another kiss before he closed the door, Robin hackling him from the backseat. 

Eddie looked lighter when he pulled out the parking lot and started in the direction of Steve’s house. Sure I couldn’t stop anyone from saying anything to him, but I could be there to kiss the worries away when it happens. And Eddie seemed to agree

Hello! I am sorry for the lack of updates, this new jobs is kicking my ass! This is the last normal chapter before the time skips! I have a lot planned and I'm excited for you all the read it! I wanted to go into more depth about how Eddie might feel about being harassed by the town, and our babies finally kissed! Leave your comments of what you think, I'd love to know!

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[lovesosweeet]

better left unsaid // cth

chapter thirty six

in which orion has leukemia, and calum doesn’t know.

calum hood x fem!oc

read other chapters

november 5, 2018 san diego, california orion

Spending my 22nd birthday going to visit my new oncologist was not my plan. I hadn’t made much effort to make it happen, but I was hoping to just have a night out in LA with Emelia, her roommates, and some of my classmates. I already had a reservation set up at my favorite rooftop bar for ten people. 

I knew Cal had a show — Amsterdam — so I didn’t expect to get to spend it with him. I figured he’d call me after he got offstage while I was out with my friends and I’d answer, tipsy from a few too many espresso martinis, and it would be sweet and everyone with me would think it was so cute that he was so busy but still so present in our relationship.

Clearly, nothing like that is happening today. The only thing that’s the same is Emelia. She’s coming over tonight. I think my moms are getting us all Thai food and we’ll watch a movie or play a game, and I think we’ll have a bonfire, but the night is looking very differently than what I’d planned months ago. Today is the day I find out how chemo went and whether or not I get to live a little longer.

While Mama drives to the hospital, she and Mom are talking about something I stopped paying attention to a long time ago. I’m grateful both of them are coming with me to learn about my fate. My mind is just spinning and I can’t even pin down a single thought, so I find myself distracting my brain by doomscrolling on social media and reading happy birthday texts. 

From: kaykay (5sos groupies) happy birthday orion! miss ya and love ya! From: crystal (5sos groupies) baby o!!!! we miss you so so much! we’ll all be home soon and want to see your sweet face if you’ll have us. happy birthday ❤️ From: sierra (5sos groupies) sweet orion!! missing you more than ever! happiest of birthdays to the prettiest of girls ❤️

Macy tagged me in an Instagram story of a collage of pictures we have together—random chemo selfies, the night we celebrated her being cancer free, and the tour sendoff party that happened what feels like a lifetime ago. “MOST BEAUTIFUL BIRTHDAY GIRL EVER! LOVE YOU LONG TIME TY FOR BEING THE BEST” she wrote on top of the photo.

Emelia posted a carousel of our pictures from the past three years, including a very cringey one of us on the first day of class freshman year. We’d somehow shown up to class wearing nearly identical outfits and we decided we were destined to be friends, which was a correct assessment. The most recent one was last week at the beach, when we had a sunset picnic. “Strongest, bravest, kindest, most passionate (and stubborn) girl on the planet. Happy birthday to my soul sister. There’s no one who loves like you and I love having your love in my life. 22 is no match for you! ‘Til death, my friend.” 

Ashton has a photo of us getting gelato in Rome two years ago. I think Giuseppe took the picture, but the memory is blurry. All I remember is how divine my pistachio gelato tasted and how jealous Ash was of how much better mine was than his. In the picture, I’m happily taking a lick from mine while Ashton pouts at me, holding his cup of banana gelato that he’d hardly touched. His caption is short and sweet. “Happy birthday to the best girl I know (sorry @kaykay).”

I don’t follow him anymore, but I pull up Cal’s profile to see if he’s posted any stories or anything else today. When his profile picture indicates that he has posted a story I haven’t viewed, out of habit, I check it. Even if he checks who’s viewed it, I’ll only be one of literal thousands, so I doubt he’ll be able to see me as a viewer. He posted a picture of himself on stage last night, and today, he just took a screenshot of listening to 22 by Taylor Swift on Spotify. 

He’s saying happy birthday, even if he isn’t. 

From: paula (lavapies forever) HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY FAV ESTADOUNIDENSE!!! love you miss you!!!  From: giuseppe (lavapies forever) oh!! happy birthday orion!!! how did I end up in this group chat….. ? From: marta (lavapies forever) feliz cumple, orion!! te echo de menos!!!  From: ilse (lavapies forever) HAPPY BDAY ORION! ❤️ From: paula (lavapies forever) giu you’re one of the girlies sorry

I haven’t texted the “5SOS groupies” back yet, and am uncertain of whether or not I will, but I do text back my former flatmates (and Giuseppe). 

To: lavapies forever muchisimas gracias!!!! miss you all!!! also, have some news for you guys From: ilse (lavapies forever) FINALLY From: paula (lavapies forever) when were you gonna tell us you guys broke up!!!!!! what happened?!?!?!? From: marta (lavapies forever) seriously! how could you not tell us?! but yes what happened we are dying to know the details From: giuseppe (lavapies forever) oh yeah fran asked if i knew anything but obviously i do not  To: lavapies forever so… its not so much that i need to tell you about the breakup? i don’t know how else to say it than to just say it so i’m just gonna say it i have leukemia so cal and i broke up i’m actually on my way to the doctor rn to see how my chemotherapy treatments went

When the group chat activity halts, I know they’re now all confused and in shock. My friends aren’t exactly known for not having something to say. I leave the WhatsApp app to give them time to process and go to my regular messages to see who else has reached out.

From: lucas Hey, O. Just popping in to say happy birthday! Sent you a Venmo—have a martini on me. Hope you’re doing okay!

Every other notification is just miscellaneous family members and a few classmates who are just as out of the loop as the general public is on what’s happening in my life. I guess I should probably share something on my social media about what’s going on. I don’t want the fans to know, but I can tell my classmates and people I actually know. I decide I’ll post something later today, once I’ve heard whatever news that the oncologist is about to share with me. 

Right when I’m locking my phone, it starts buzzing with an incoming Facetime from Paula. I tell my moms I’ll be on a call before I answer.

“Hey,” I say as her face fills my screen.

“I wish you’d told me sooner,” is how Paula starts the call. 

I frown. “It’s kinda hard to say over text. I’m sorry.”

“So call! Orion, what the hell! This is huge and I don’t know why you wouldn’t think we’d want to know!” 

I contemplate what to say next. I should be an expert at this after having to break the news Calum. “If it makes you feel better, I didn’t tell Cal until last month.” 

Paula’s mouth drops and I can tell she’s about to dwell on this instead of the actual news. “So he broke up with you?!” 

“What? No!” I sigh. “No, I broke up with him.” 

Her face contorts with confusion and she shakes her head, the idea rattling around in her brain. “You broke up with him?! Because you have cancer?!”

“Please don’t make me talk about this, Pau, it’s all anyone wants to talk about and I’m tired of it.” 

“No! We are going to talk about this! You guys are perfect together and you broke up with him in the middle of a life threatening diagnosis? What the fuck, Orion?” 

“Can we talk about this tomorrow?” I beg. “It’s my birthday. I promise I’ll call you tomorrow and I’ll let you know how things went today.”

She groans. “Fine, but only because it’s your birthday!” 

“Orion,” Mama says, catching my attention. “We’re here.”

I nod and look back to my phone. “¿Hablaremos mañana?”

Pau nods. “Mañana.”

Paula and I hang up then, and I tuck my phone into the pocket on my black sweatpants. We get out of the car and walk to the door of the cancer center, checking in at the desk and going to the waiting room. I feel like I’ve done all of this a million times now, but I haven’t felt this nervous about it in a long time. 

They call my name to come back, and we trudge slowly after the nurse and we sit in a sterile exam room that looks just like every other sterile exam room in the world. While we wait for the doctor to come in, my moms and I sit in silence. I don’t think anyone wants to say anything. I know I don’t.

Five minutes of waiting later and then there’s a knock on the door. My new doctor, Dr. Gupta, walks in with his clipboard and the nurse in tow. He takes a seat on the wheeled stool and moves it closer to me so that we’re only about a foot or two apart. 

“Good morning,” he says. “And, happy birthday.”

I give him a tense smile. “Thanks.” 

I had to come in last week for another biopsy and a full blood panel again to be able to assess the status of my cancer, so today is literally just to talk about the results. They also have me a full body exam to check my lymphnodes and other symptoms. Given the look on Dr. Gupta’s face from the moment he walked in, whatever he’s going to say isn’t good.

“Orion, there isn’t an easy way to say this, so I’m sorry,” he says, off to a horrible start. “The chemo hasn’t made much of a dent in the leukemia, and I’m afraid it’s progressing.” 

I look over at my moms who are clenching their jaws and squeezing each other’s hands. I’ll cry if I watch, so I look back to Dr. Gupta. 

“You have options, though. We can continue to try to find you a bone marrow donor, and there are a number of trials that are available, we’d just need to transfer you back to LA.” 

I shake my head. “I can’t go back to LA.” 

“Honey, you can go back—-“

I cut Mom off. “I’m not doing trials. I can’t. I’m sorry, but I’m not doing something else that will make me feel miserable and we don’t even know if it’s going to work. Besides, I’ll get what, maybe a year or two out of it if they do work?”

I look at Dr. Gupta to confirm, and he pulls his mouth into a slight frown. 

“There’s no guarantee on timelines or results, but, roughly, given your case, that’s what we’d be looking at.” 

“Right, and I’ll get like… a year, a few months if we just stop doing things?” 

Dr. Gupta sighs. “Again, we can’t say for certain, but roughly, yes, about a year.” 

“Yeah, I’m not doing anything. Can I go now?” I stand up, grabbing my bag. 

“Orion, at least hear about what options—“

I spin around, quickly, to face my moms. “I’m not doing anything.”

They look at me with tears in their eyes, begging me to stay and listen, but I don’t want to. 

“I want to go home. I want to live comfortably and just have time with people I care about. It doesn’t matter. I’m going to die anyway. It doesn’t even matter, and I’m not going to LA again.” 

We have a silent argument with just our eyes before they look to Dr. Gupta.

“Can we have the pamphlets on the trials? We can discuss this at home and let you know.”

Dr. Gupta quickly hands them the stack of brochures he’s had on top of his clipboard. “You don’t have to decide anything today, and please call me if you have any questions.” 

I walk out of the room then. I don’t want to dwell in there and I don’t want to dwell on what I’ve just learned. I can’t think about it. Not today. Maybe tomorrow. I just can’t spend my birthday thinking about it all. Today I’m supposed to celebrate my life, not the impending date of my death. 

—

We’re having a bonfire in the backyard with my family, Emelia, and Macy — complete with gelatin-free marshmallows and a crock pot full of mulled wine — when my phone starts going crazy. I try to ignore it and just enjoy the night with Emelia and Macy, who are listening to and respecting my wishes not to talk about the news of the day. I promise them we’ll talk about it tomorrow. 

My phone has probably buzzed twelve times in the past two minutes, and Emelia ends up taking my phone off the arm of the wooden chair I’m sitting in to look at it, apparently annoyed by all the notifications. She unlocks my phone for herself and her eyes grow wider as she looks at whatever notifications I’ve gotten.

“Jesus,” she whispers, scrolling through whatever it is. 

“What is it?” Macy asks before she takes another sip of her hot wine. 

“Um…” Em says, trailing off, still staring at my phone’s screen.

I hold my hand out for her to give me my phone back, and she pulls it further away from me, her eyes still glued to the bright screen. I can see it’s a text thread with a lot of texts from the other person.

“Give me my phone,” I instruct, holding my hand closer to her.

“It’s not good, are you sure?” 

I roll my eyes. “Em, there’s nothing worse than hearing that your chemotherapy didn’t help your terminal cancer on your birthday. I can handle whatever the hell someone texted me.” 

She sighs and hands my phone to me. “I warned you.” 

I take in what’s on my screen and feel my stomach start to churn. She’s right. It’s not good.

From: mike-o cliff-o yknow what orion, fuck you i don’t give a fuck that it’s your birthday FUCJ YOU my band, my BEST FRIENDS, aren’t speaking because you couldn’t tell the truth thos is your fault calum won’t even LOOK at ash! howrdare you you had no right to come into our lives and fuck up the one thing that matters most to all of us and then just LEAVEW do you know how depressed cxalum is he doesn’t do anything except show up on stage and drink and whineand moanmb he’s a fucking qwreck and that’s on yuo you play this innocnt sweet act that you’re jsut being kind and whatever bllshit you tell yourself but you and i both know you’re actually a shitty person what kind of person doesn’t tell their partner they have CACNDR and then BROAKS UP WITH THEM over it fuck you. i hope it’s terminal. and i hpoe it sucks.

My eyes start to water as I read through everything, but I try to remember that Michael is clearly very drunk. 

“No, he doesn’t get to make you cry on your birthday. Give me that, I’m texting a screenshot of that shit to Crystal.” Emelia holds her hand out for my phone again, but I hug it to my chest. 

“No, it’s fine. He doesn’t mean it, and he deserves to be mad.” 

“What? Who texted you?” Macy asks from my other side. I sigh and hand my phone to her so she can read it all. 

“It’s fine, he’s drunk. If that made him feel better to say that, it’s fine.” 

Emelia is fuming next to me and watching as Macy’s face gets more and more concerned while she reads what Mike sent. I don’t want to let them sway me. I don’t care what he sent. 

“Holy shit, O, that’s not okay,” Macy says while she hands me my phone. 

“It’s fine, I don’t care.”

But I do.

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[gimmie-a-sammich]

To Rule Them All | Chapter 15 | Indulgence

Pairings: Idol!Ateez/???!Ateez x Fem!Original Characters

Summary: Alexis is about to have the summer of a lifetime traveling the country with some of her best friends following one of her favorite groups, Ateez. Little do they know, there is more to this group than meets the eye. Take a trip into the dark as they navigate a world unseen.

Genre: (18+ Minors DNI) smut, angst, fluff, supernatural vibes 

Chapter Warnings: shower sex, touching on some dom/sub dynamics, fingering, unprotected sex (please don't), dirty talk, praise

Word Count: 11.2k

read here on AO3

To Rule Them All masterlist

previous chapter | next chapter

note: some POV switches.

**

This had to be a dream. A damn good one. But a dream nonetheless. There was no way in heaven or hell that I was waking up wrapped in one Choi San’s arms like I was Shibir. But here I was with San’s breaths ruffling my hair, squeezing me tighter at every small movement I made. Once entirely conscious, my thoughts drifted back to the events of last night. 

The date. 

The sex.

God damn, the sex. 

Inhaling deeply, I nuzzled deeper into his chest. His smell was intoxicating, and since I was wearing his shirt it was completely enveloping me. I was tucked snugly beneath his chin with San having one hand tangled in my hair and the other wrapped around my waist to keep our bodies pressed together. The speculation about San being a personal heater was true. He was so hot. Both temperature wise and looks. 

“G’mornin’, treasure,” San mumbled. Apparently my squirms to press myself closer were more significant than I thought. His lips brushed lightly against my scalp. I swore I could feel a ghost of a smile as his hand moved to cradle the back of my head. “Did you sleep okay?”

Definitely not dreaming. 

“Better than ever, Tini,” I said without thinking. My eyes widened and I felt my cheeks heat up. Thank goodness my head was still buried in his chest, or else San would have been met with my flushed face. With how mumbled I said it, I was holding onto the glimmer of hope that he didn’t hear me. 

“Tini?” he half laughed, but I could hear the underlying confusion.

I sighed. “Yes… Tini. I may or may not call you Santini or Tini to my friends. They also may refer to you as that regularly...” 

Now he truly laughed, both at my futile attempt at hiding myself and my statement. “Tini,” he echoed as he pulled me closer. I felt his fingers go from running through my hair to coasting towards my chin. Begrudgingly, I pulled back from his chest so he could tilt it up to meet his gaze. His smile was mesmerizing, not an ounce of sarcasm or disdain hidden within it. “I could get used to that, treasure.” 

Then his lips were meeting mine, thumb lightly caressing my jawline. It was sweet and the perfect form of reassurance that I didn’t screw this up with my silly fangirl nickname. 

“Any other nicknames I should be aware of?” he asked against my lips, nose gently rubbing against mine. Suddenly, his eyes lit up. “Wait, do you have names like this for all of us?”

“You’ll never get that out of me,” I laughed. This was not the time nor the place to air all of that out, even if I didn’t think it could go beyond San. 

With a quick movement San had repositioned himself on top of me, arms bracketing my face. He took care not to have too much of his weight on me, supporting most of himself on his elbows. “Not fair, Alexis. Not even Woo’s?”  Those lips stuck out in a small pout as he spoke. 

Reaching for his face, I pulled his lips millimeters away from mine. “Not even Woo’s,” I gave him a quick peck. His nose scrunched up as he smiled, fingers raking gently through my messy hair. “Now, what do you have going on today?” 

“Since it’s an off day, I thought we could watch a movie and relax around here. Most times we don’t do much the day before a concert, especially since they did all the last minute stuff yesterday. I’d love nothing more than to keep you to myself and continue what we started last night, but unfortunately I think I’m going to have to share you, treasure,” he murmured. Not once did he break eye contact, lips still speaking in a pout as he continued to run his fingers along my scalp. “Young-ah is definitely going to want to see you.”  

Ah. Wooyoung. I investigated his face for a few moments, looking for any jealousy or hesitation. It was bizarre, to say the least, especially when I found nothing other than fondness in those brown eyes. As much as the conversation with both of them regarding the insanity of this situation helped my erratic brain, it would still be a major adjustment to being whatever this was with both of them.

Once again though, San seemed to sense whatever nonsense was flowing through my thoughts. “You really don’t need to worry about things with Woo and I, treasure,” he began, voice barely above a whisper. “It’ll feel weird for a bit I’m sure, but you’ve already been affectionate with both of us in front of the other, right?” His smile was sweet, only broken by our lips meeting once again after my nod. “And did either of us care?” His smile deepend with my faint no. “Do you want to have a conversation about all this together?” 

I shook my head as best I could with his hands on either side of my face. “I don’t think we need to, honestly. It's more just getting used to all of this, San. If something does come up with jealousy or general weirdness I would hope we would be able to just talk through it together.” 

San’s grin was blinding. “Of course, treasure. Now… before I do have to share your time, how about we go take a shower,” he paused for a moment, eyes flicking down to my lips. “I can’t help but be greedy. I’m insatiable when it comes to you.” 

Suddenly, his lips crashed onto mine. These weren't the soft and sweet kisses we’d been sharing through the morning. No, these were filled with an intensity that took me off guard for only a moment before I completely lost myself in the feeling of his lips. It was literal heaven being beneath this mountain of a man, especially when one of his hands moved away from my face and slid under the t-shirt. Goosebumps covered my skin when his fingers coasted along my side, tracing around before hooking around my back to hold me closer. That moment is when he chose to deepen the kiss further, tongue entering my mouth to loop purposely throughout. 

Damn did he make it easy to want him. My fingers wound through his hair, tugging at the strands. San groaned into my mouth, the bulge beneath his sweats steadily growing harder. My hips pressed into his almost involuntary, seeking some sort relief for my own surging arousal. There was nothing separating us but his sweats since there wasn’t anything covering my lower half. Maybe we wouldn’t even make it to the shower like his original intention. Not that I would be complaining in the slightest. 

But alas, San suddenly pulled away with a tug on my lower lip. “Shower. Now, treasure,” his voice and eyes were drowning with lust.

Immediately I missed the feeling of his weight on top of me. “Or, we stay in bed for a little longer.” 

He ignored my pouting face, smirking while he moved towards the bathroom. “I said shower, treasure.” The assertive voice he used made me shudder with need. The view I had of him leaning against the door frame, sweats hanging dangerously low on his hips only adding to it. Shamelessly I looked him up and down, biting on my lower lip and finally sitting up. Obviously San noticed my wandering eyes. Smirk growing, he toyed with the band of his sweats, eyes locking right onto mine. “Don’t make me tell you again.” And then the sweats were off, his rock hard cock springing up against his defined  abs. 

Instantly I was salivating, but San didn’t give me long to admire his naked body. He turned on his heel into the bathroom, that smirk never fading from his chiseled face. I scrambled off the bed, not wanting to be on the receiving end of San’s minor threat. Although part of me wondered what would happen if I kept the man waiting in the shower, the other half that wanted him to have his way with me was winning this particular battle.  

I stumbled off the bed in a hurry, nearly tripping over my feet in the process. San already had the shower running, steam beginning to fog the glass. Just barely could I make out his body through the haze. But damn, what I could see was sheer perfection. His golden skin stood out against the muted gray tiles, muscles bulging while he inadvertently flexed as he ran his hands through his wet hair. 

My shirt was stripped off in a flash and found a home next to San’s crumpled sweats. A brush swept through my hair just as quickly so I wouldn’t be left with a tangled mess in and out of the shower. The moment I opened the door, strong hands reached for my hips and tugged me inside. 

“You didn’t keep me waiting long,” San nuzzled into my neck when he pulled my back flush against his chest, wet lips dragging across my skin. I could feel every inch of his cock pressed against my ass and my back. “Good girl.” 

Those two words had my head spinning. And San knew it judging by the feeling of his quirked lips on my skin.  “What if I did keep you waiting?” I inhaled sharply when his teeth dug into the connection of my neck and shoulders. The bite stung slightly, but immediately melted into pleasure. 

“That’s not a side I want to show you just yet, treasure,” he hummed, still dragging his mouth along my neck, fingers digging into my waist. But hidden within that smooth voice was a hint of danger I wasn’t expecting. It made me want to see whatever side he was alluding to more. “Right now, I want to indulge in your body.” His lips skated up to the shell of my ear as he spoke, nibbling it softly. “But only with your permission.” 

This man was everything, I swear. Although his hands started wandering my body, lightly caressing over every inch of skin available to him and he continued to lay messy kisses along my neck, jaw, and shoulders, San made no further moves to do anything beyond tease and work me up. Clearly he wanted my explicit answer, but I was so lost in the way these touches were sending electricity through my body that words were not forming. The water cascading over both of us only emphasized the feeling more. My head laid back against him, exposing more of my neck while a hand somehow found a way into his wet hair. 

“Do I have it?” his fingers dipped dangerously close to my center. My breath involuntary hitched, causing San to laugh slightly. “Treasure, use your words for me.” 

Snapping back to reality briefly, I tugged on his black tresses and guided his mouth closer to mine. Our lips were millimeters apart, random water droplets littered across  our faces. “Of course you have it, San.” 

And then his lips finally found mine, tongues rolling over the other perfectly. The kiss wasn’t fast or slow, but a perfect pace that made me dizzy. My hand glided down to his cheek to keep our lips together. When a finger slid through my sopping folds I gasped, making San deepen the kiss. 

“God baby,” Sannie said lowly, his finger stroking between my clit and entrance, spreading my arousal. When he pushed it inside fully I tried to bite back the moan before it escaped my lips. “No no no. Let me hear you.” 

Turning slightly, San pushed me against the side wall, making sure the water was still hitting me to not entirely freeze me out, yet cognizant of making sure neither of us were inadvertently being waterboarded. My hands braced against the tiles for minimal support. His chest pressed into my back as his finger continued working into me. The other hand caged around me as his lips moved back to ear. This time I did nothing to fight the whimpers and moans coming from my mouth.

“The prettiest fucking sounds,” San hummed. “So good for me.” He added another finger like it was a reward. His breath was hot against my ear, lips tickling around the cartilage. “But, you can do better than that baby.”

Just like that a finger swirled around my clit. “Fuck, Sannie,” I arched back further into him, so far that his cock pressed all the more firmly into my ass. A sudden pinch had me gasping, a sound that seemed to please San to no end.

“That’s better. Much better.” The pace of his fingers increased and his hand swooped to cling to my waist. The change in angle had me clenching around his fingers. “Fuck treasure, are you going to give me one already? You are a good girl.” 

Now San had been vocal as hell last night. All the praises, some dirty talk, but mostly sweet. This was beginning to look like an entirely new beast.  His earlier statement about not wanting to show me this side of me yet was ringing in my ears. What exactly was he talking about? Whatever this was, I was ready to see more of it. The good girls and his tone were teetering me closer to orgasm already. Somehow after one night, San had already begun to figure out which buttons to press, the right speed of his fingers, the perfect amount of pressure on my clit. 

The grip along my waist tightened, our wet bodies squeezing closer together. “C’mon treasure,” San breathed. “Give me one, and then I’ll give you what you really want.” To punctuate his words, he rolled his hips, his thick cock grinding into me. 

This elicited a much louder moan. San’s lips quirked against my ear, breaths becoming heavier as he continued to finger me. His free hand roamed up my torso, fingertips brushing lightly while they moved. They quickly came to play with my nipples, pinching and rolling them. Fuck. 

“Because you don't want that, Tini?” I couldn’t help but tease. 

Changing the angle of his fingers once again, San relented his motions on my nipples to harshly grab my waist. “You have no idea, baby.” His lips ghosted along my neck, periodically pressing more firmly with his teeth grazing. Short, quick sucks and drags of his tongue always followed those small nips. The feeling was tantalizing, especially when the pads of San’s fingers drug deliciously inside me. “But you’re not getting this cock until you come on my fingers.” 

Holy fuck. Holy holy fuck. While his voice was sultry, the tone was firm and commanding, egging me on to where we both desperately wanted me to be. And that was unraveling on his fingers. Which was nearing by the second, every well angled thrust of his fingers, every perfectly timed press and swirl around my clit sending volts of electricity through my body.  

“God, San, don’t-” 

He pulled me further into him, “Don’t what, treasure? Don’t stop?” Now his voice contained a teasing edge. “I told you, I am insatiable when it comes to you. Now, come.” 

His command came paired with the perfect amount of pressure on my clit and rub against my walls. My body immediately caved. Thankfully San’s grip on my waist and my haphazard bracing against the slick wall kept me upright as my orgasm swept through my body, his name sneaking through my lips in conjunction with my broken breaths and moans. But he didn’t relent, although his pace slowed enough to let me come down smoothly. Those filthy praises continued to rain on me like the shower while he worked me through, whispering straight into my ear since my head had fallen back onto his shoulder.

“Fuck, Alexis,” his own moans were cutting through mine, his hips rolling slightly to get marginal relief of his own and to continue teasing me. “So perfect. You’re so fucking perfect, coming undone just with my fingers.” He kissed my temple so tenderly, languidly running his fingers through my folds, spreading my slick arousal further. 

My breath was still coming out in breathy pants while trying to catch it. One of my hands left the wall to reach for the back of San’s head, carding through his wet hair while he peppered more sloppy kisses on my exposed neck and jaw, sucking lightly on my pressure points as he moved. When San’s fingers left my center, I couldn’t help the needy whine that slipped out. Only chuckling slightly, he wrapped his hand around his cock, smearing it with the slick that coated his fingers. 

Steam had completely enveloped the enclosed shower at this point, creating a hazy aura. Thankfully the water was still the perfect temperature, making both of our skin slightly red even without the lust rolling through both of us. When I opened my eyes and turned my still dizzy head, I was met with San’s heady eyes and smirk on those pouty lips. They laid a kiss on my forehead, my nose, and ended on my lips. The hand not stroking his cock traced soft circles on my stomach, giving me goosebumps despite the heat of the water. 

His tongue entered my mouth slowly, but the kiss only lasted a few moments before he pulled away leaving me desperate for more. Not even my firm grip in his hair kept his lips against mine. What a tease. 

“Leg up, treasure,” San tapped against my hip, prompting me to place my foot on the shallow ledge running through the shower, “and bend over for me.” 

I detangled my hand from his hair, but not before pulling him down for another heated kiss. This time, he appeased me, his lips meeting mine hungrily in a mess of teeth and tongue. It was maddening just how easily San sent my brain spiraling. But alas, it still seemed to end too soon.

Pulling away with a tug on my lower lip, San pressed his hand into my lower back. His cockhead brushed against my entrance, teasing the wet folds while he continued to stroke himself. “Treasure, bend.” He applied more pressure, urging me down. 

Of course I complied, bringing my foot to the slippery ledge and so he could angle my body to his liking. Still, he continued to tease me, prodding his cock into me just enough to elicit small whimpers. 

“Tini, baby,” I braced against the wall, thrusting backwards in a desperate attempt to get something inside me. 

He laughed, still continuing to toy with me. “What do you need, babe?” This time, his cock ran through my folds, coating it with more of my arousal, head ghosting against my clit. He continued this motion. Twice. Three times. Four times. Each time rubbing deliciously against my clit. “Remember, use your words.”

Damn it with that teasing, assertive tone. I pushed against the wall in frustration. “You, San. I fucking need you.” 

“Fuck yes you do, treasure.” Finally, he pushed himself into me with one smooth, pointed thrust. The stretch felt heavenly since he already worked me up and coated his dick with all of my arousal. Now it was his hand that raked through my hair to take a firm, yet surprisingly gentle hold against my scalp. “Just as much as I need you.” 

The sound of wet skin on skin echoed through the bathroom with his steady pace. San made sure I felt every single inch of him, pulling out almost entirely before thrusting back in. With how tightly he was digging into my hip there would be fresh bruises littered with the ones from last night. God, he felt amazing, hitting just where I needed him to every single time. I’m sure the sight behind me was one to behold, but with my head being held in place there was little I could do to see it.

I could only imagine the way his abs were taut with each thrust. The furrowed brow, teeth digging into his lower lip while he watched his cock pounded into me. Or would his head be thrown back, lost in the sheer pleasure of my pussy wrapped around him? Based on the moans coming from him and the tugs on my hair, I was going with the latter. 

Suddenly, his hand dropped from my head, coasting down my back. “So fucking tight, treasure. You fit me so well.” His lips connected between my shoulder blades when he bent over, the fingertips of his right hand delicately moving down my ribs and across my stomach until they reached my clit. His left hand moved to my ass, squeezing it firmly. “And you’re going to give me another one, right?” 

The circles around my clit had me seeing stars, especially when San picked up his pace and increased the force in his thrusts. It made me brace against the tiles with more effort, fists clenched so I could push myself into him. I paid no attention to my foot threatening to slide off the ledge. San held me tighter, breaths heavy on my back while the water poured over both of us, lips ghosting over my skin. 

There was no denying I was close. Obviously he could tell by the way I was clenching around him. “Keep doing that and I will.”

I swore I felt a devilish smile against my spine before he straightened to stand. He was relentless, hips crashing into my ass quickly. Clearly he was chasing his own release as well. The pressure against my clit increased, but the circles continued to be smooth. Quickly I was reaching my high. My hands were slipping down the wall and my foot was on the verge of coming off the low shelf entirely. Thankfully, San returned a hand to my hip, simultaneously providing more support and a means for him to slam into me harder. 

The sounds coming from both of us could only be described as obscene. Bated breaths. Slapping skin. Moans. Whimpers. San was urging me on, repeatedly telling me how good I felt, praising just how good I was for him. Of course the favor had to be repaid, assurances of how well he filled me up and how amazing he was making me feel spilling from my lips.

I came in a rush, San’s name spewing from my mouth, knees threatening to give out. Once again I was thankful for the hold on my hips so I didn’t go tumbling to the shower floor. Just as suddenly, though, San pulled out. Even with my forehead shoved against the tiles and my eyes closed I could hear him jerking himself off, his hand sounding slick against his cock while moaning my name mixed with curses. 

The hand still clinging to my waist squeezed in tandem with his release shooting across my back and ass, leaving a sticky trail to be washed away in the shower’s drizzle. He leaned against the wall, supporting himself with his palm pressed near my head. 

“I wish you could see how pretty you look right now, treasure,” San mused, thumb now rubbing softly against my skin, a stark contrast to the death grip he had on me just moments ago. “All covered in me… picture worthy.” 

By this point I had more or less caught my breath, but my brain still felt fuzzy enough that I didn’t have a response to throw back at him. San had enough sense to ease me slowly from my bent angle on the wall, turning me so my back was directly beneath the steady stream of water, hands lingering on my waist. My own found purchase on his shoulders. Our eyes met. San’s were swirling with something I couldn’t quite put my finger on, paired cutely with a dopey smile and dimples. 

“Let’s clean you up, baby.” he kissed me softly. 

“You know,” I ran my hands inwards along his shoulders, thumbs caressing his collarbones, continuing to slide them up his neck so that my thumbs were now resting on his cheeks. The ability to form words had finally returned. “I don’t think I would mind seeing this other side of you that you referred to.” 

Laughing, San reached around me to grab my body wash, lathering both his hands and my loofah up with it. “We’ll get there, baby.” With all the care in the world, he began massaging my skin and running the loofah along it. “That I can promise you. We’re working our way up to that.”

My interest was piqued. “Working our way up to what exactly, Tini?” 

His feline eyes sparkled with another laugh and the sweetest smile. “Ah, Alexis,” he resumed my favorite routine of kissing my forehead, the tip of my nose, and ending with the softest kiss to my lips. “It’s nothing to be worried about,” his brows furrowed before continuing. “But I don’t want to throw you into something you aren’t comfortable with. I’d rather ease into this other side and what this other side wants to do with you.” 

“Which is?” 

His gaze hardened, hands pausing their movements on my back to bring me into his chest. “To dominate you, my treasure.”

Well sweet heaven and holy hell. My eyes must have given away my inner thoughts, because San sighed deeply and bowed his head, eyes closed. “And this is why I said to ease into it-”

I could see the wheels turning in his head, thoughts threatening to spiral. It was a look I knew well, having the same one on my own face often. The reality was I wasn’t afraid or nervous about his desire in the slightest. “And ease into it we shall, Tini. I just wasn’t expecting you to be so, well, blunt.” I laughed softly, giving his sharp cheekbones reassuring strokes with my thumbs. “But, I would like to have a real conversation of what that looks like before we get to the point of no return.”

“Point of no return, huh?” That playful glint reentered when he raised his head. 

Lightly, I tapped his cheek. “You know what I mean. All this special treatment you and Wooyoung allegedly have planned for me is just ruining my expectations for any other man.” 

“Hmm, I would say that's a job well done on our part then. We can’t have you thinking you could ever stray away from us,” San’s smile was blinding and he resumed his sweet scrubbing and massaging of my body, all that sudden worry and tension already gone from his body. 

“You’re awfully full of yourself this morning, Sannie.”

“Me? Full of myself? Never. You, on the other hand, were very full of me just minutes ago.”

I smacked him rather aggressively on the chest, face turning a deep shade of red. “CHOI SAN!” But the mountain just pulled me closer, laughter rumbling in his chest so deeply that I had no other choice but to join, especially with how determined he was to kiss every inch of my face despite my best efforts to avoid them. 

There it was again, the thought of how easy falling for this picture perfect man would be, even with the sudden revelation of San’s desire to dominate me. One I was entirely behind, if I might add. The thought of it made my head spin, fantasies of what that would entail seeping into my mind. Feeling San’s lips and hands freely roam my body pulled me from the dark thoughts. 

Thus resumed the caring manner of washing one another. San was attentive in making sure I was entirely lathered up in suds, giggling each time he said he missed a spot just so he could run his hands over me again and again, always ending with a kiss somewhere. I also didn’t pass up the opportunity to touch every inch of San’s immaculate body. This time, I found an additional soft spot with him. The dear man adored having his hair washed, head flung back in a different form of pleasure while I massaged his scalp. His melodic humming was music to my ears. Once we both finished the necessary tasks and ceased being distracted by one another, we begrudgingly exited the steamy shower. 

I went straight to check my phone, having neglected it since going on the date last night. Of course, there were messages from Thea, Nikki, and Christie all checking in, making jokes and assumptions of what went down between the two of us last night. I simply informed them that I was indeed alive, and would be more than happy to give all the details of the date and what followed. There was also some discussion of Thea having a date with Yunho today. I would definitely have to check in on that, too. But it was the group chat between San and Wooyoung that had me giggling. 

WY: Are you two done rolling around naked?

WY: Put some clothes on and come to my room. 

WY: San quit hogging our girl. 

WY: Why is no one answering me?

WY: You two are fucking again aren’t you?

WY: ALEXIS!

WY: You owe me a zillion kisses. No more for Sannie. He’s had enough.

“Seems were being summoned,” I said, still laughing. 

San had thrown on a pair of black sweats and was midway in throwing on a simple black tshirt. And damn, did he look good in only that. Stepping over to me, he wrapped his arms around my waist and settled his chin on my shoulder. Willingly, I held my phone out for him so he could read the chat. 

His laughter intermixed with mine. “Told you he’d want to see you. Always impatient. Tell him if I can’t get kisses neither can he.” 

“Because you both dictate who gets kisses now?” I rolled my eyes slightly, but sent the text nonetheless. Surprisingly, this little exchange wholeheartedly put my mind at ease with this atypical dynamic. Both were… content. Or at least so it seemed. No jealousy hidden on San’s face and Woo’s texts, while bratty, were teasing in nature. It felt like something clicked in my brain and now I would be able to fully enjoy this lovely little fantasy world that somehow became my life.

A: San said if he can’t get any, neither can you.

WY: San can answer for himself. 

WY: I’m asking both of you to come. 

WY: I could be mean and ONLY say you, treasure.

WY: But I’m feeling kind and asking both of you.

WY: So get over here and come snuggle and give me the kisses you owe me. Twice as many as you’ve given Sannie.

“Does he always text like this?” I giggled. 

San kissed my cheek before he walked away and picked up his phone. “Always. So I hope you get used to it, and fast. What all do you need to do before we go?” 

“I’d like to go to my room and semi put myself together,” I said while throwing on the t-shirt and shorts Christie gave San. While it was comfy and cozy, I had no clue what else would be on the agenda for the day since we would be with Wooyoung. Plus, there wasn’t a shred of makeup, not that I wanted to put much on. At a minimum I needed a coat of mascara and concealer to not look like a zombified twelve-year-old. “But not much.” 

Smiling at me, San shot a text to Woo. “It’s not like you need to do anything for us to find you beautiful, Alexis.”

CS: That’s a lot of kisses… we’ll be over there soon. Need anything?

WY: Finally you respond.

WY: Coffee.

WY: And you better get coffee for our girl too. 

WY: See you soon(: 

WY: With kisses. So many kisses.

WY: But only for treasure. 

Our fingers laced together when we finally left the room, San insisting to carry the bag that Christie loaded my belongings in earlier. Somehow everything with him felt natural, down to the subtle way his thumb grazed along my hand. Awkwardness between us was nonexistent. Conversation and jokes flowed between us with ease. Nothing at all forced. When there was a silent pause it felt comfortable. It was refreshing to feel like someone genuinely wanted me. 

I didn’t see Christie immediately when I walked in the door. Honestly, even though it wasn’t that early, there was a high probability that she wasn’t completely awake. With the smallest amount of caution, I said her name while standing in the living room area.

“Morning, sunshine,” her voice came from her room. She did sound completely awake, thankfully. When I poked my head into her door she was sitting upright scrolling through her phone. “Glad San returned you in one piece,” she smirked with a raised eyebrow, a knowing look on her face.

Upon hearing his name, San slid himself behind me rather protectively. “I promised she’d be back safe and sound.” 

“Because that was ever really up for debate, Tini,” I rolled my eyes.

“Tini?” I don’t know how, but Christie’s eyebrow rose higher and her smile became brighter, eyes dazzling with her surprise. “We’ve officially started that, huh? Does this mean we all have the privilege of calling him Santini out in the world?”

Still smiling, San planted a kiss on my temple, ignoring the blush on my cheeks. “Someone accidentally let that slip this morning. It’s cute. Despite my best efforts, the rest of the nicknames were not shared with me.” 

Christie burst out in laughter. “Dear lord, I can’t imagine what you’ll think of us then.” Her eyes glazed over for a minute, lost in a daydream about everyone’s reactions. I’m sure some of our nicknames would be taken better than others, but that would be for another day. “Anyway, what are you two doing today?” 

“Our presence has been requested by Wooyoung,” I leaned into San’s chest, his arms immediately wrapping around me like it was second nature. “I’m just going to get a little ready, then we’re going to his room.” 

The eye roll was unmistakable, even if Christie did her best to tone it down. “Ah. The gremlin. He can’t let you two be all adorable without him for even a day?” 

This dynamic between Christie and Woo was still a mystery to me. At some point it would probably need to be addressed, but I honestly had no clue where to start with it. There was no trigger, at least not that I was aware of. 

Surprisingly, it was San who spoke up. “Selfishly, I’ve occupied much of our girl’s time,” he traced along my stomach. “Whatever adorableness you speak of can continue with him, too.” Gosh was he sweet. Too sweet.

“What are you doing, though?” I diverted to her, trying to fight the smile forming. 

Leaning forward, Christie placed her hands in her crossed legs. “Spending some time with Yeosang. Hongjoong said he had a few things to finalize, but he’ll be joining later. Then dinner with you and Nikki, yes?”

I nodded. I forgot to mention it to San, but us girls had already decided to catch up for a moment. Thea’s date put a bit of a ringer into that plan, but we would also have all day tomorrow to fill her in on the events of last night, as well as hear all about her date. The news didn’t phase San in the slightest, though. I’m sure that none of the guys expected us to solely dedicate all of our time to them. 

A vibration from both our phones stole our attention. Wooyoung. “Seems the gremlin is getting more impatient, if that’s even possible” San joked with a wink aimed at Christie. Unlike her futile attempt at concealing her eye roll, she let her scrunching nose and grin show easily. 

“I’ll text you, okay lovey?” 

Christie nodded in response with a smile, resuming her scrolling on her phone, but not before taking a large sip of the iced coffee next to her. “See you soon, sunshine.” 

At that San and I made our way into my half of the suite. San made himself comfortable on the unslept bed while I paused at my suitcase to grab a pair of high waisted athletic shorts and a crop top. Comfy enough to lay around in all day, but still well enough put together in the athleisure world to be able to go out and about if needed. 

I was midway through blending some concealer when I realized I needed to return Christie’s necklace. It was safely in the bag, but I was not about to keep it longer than necessary and risk losing it or breaking it. Once I finished blending my under eyes, I reentered the bedroom. A small laugh escaped San when he saw my half ready state. The fluffy headband really pulled my entire look together. 

“To think, I didn’t think you could be any cuter,” he joked, eyes glimmering with his dimple smile.

I stuck my tongue out at him. My attention was solely on getting the necklace and bringing it back to Christie before my ADHD brain forgot. “I’ll give your makeup artist one of my extras.” 

“So we’ll have couple headbands?” he scooched closer to the edge of the bed while I rummaged through my small bag on the floor.  “Couldn’t ask for anything more, treasure.” I rolled my eyes, but smiled and felt my cheeks heat up slightly. So fucking sweet. I felt his gaze while he studied what I was doing. “What are you looking for?”

“I need to return Christie’s necklace,” I said, holding up the pendant and looking up at him once I retrieved it from the pocket. 

As San stood, he dipped so that his lips found my forehead. “Finish getting ready, baby. I’ll give it to her.” He grabbed the necklace with the utmost care from my fingers. 

Beaming, I reached up with both hands to cup his cheeks and pull him in. Even as San helped me stand, his lips didn’t separate from mine. “You’re the best, Tini babe.” 

“I definitely can get used to that nickname,” he mumbled with a final peck to my lips before walking away. 

***

San strode into Christie’s room, but not before knocking on the doorframe to alert her of his presence. He wasn’t one to walk into someone’s space, unless said space belonged to one of his members. Which was exactly why he was found in Mingi and Seonghwa’s rooms just as often as his own. 

“Oh, San?” Christie looked confused for a moment. “Is everything okay?”

Nodding, he walked towards her. “Perfectly fine. I just have this,” he held up the dainty gold pendant between his fingers, “to return to you.” Once he handed it to her, San looked behind him to check if Alexis was coming behind him and dropped his voice. “And I wanted to thank you for helping plan the date and keeping it a secret. I think she had a great time. I know I did.” 

Christie snorted. “Seems like she was well taken care of, that’s for sure.”

San wasn’t oblivious to the innuendo and exactly what Christie was referring to. It was easy to assume what happened between him and Alexis last night, just as it was easy to assume that their date would be the central topic of the girls’ dinner this evening. None of it bothered him. 

“Then my plan worked flawlessly,” San grinned back. “But my intentions with Alexis in general are to make sure she’s taken care of.” He also didn’t miss the way Christie was studying him, searching his features almost like she was looking for a flaw. 

San’s answer appeased Christie enough. Her perception of San and this blossoming relationship with Alexis was vastly different from the one she had of Wooyoung. For some reason that Christie couldn’t place, she thought that maybe she could trust San with Alexis. All the interactions she had seen between them thus far only aided in confirming her thoughts, even if everything seemed rushed. Not even Christie, though, could deny this odd familiarity the guys in general had with her and her friends, even if the entire situation was a little unorthodox. This immediate comfortability between San and Alexis was beyond what the others had, another thing Christie noted.

“You should only have the best intentions with her.” Despite her gut feeling regarding San, she couldn’t resist a small threat. Through the years, it had become Christie’s responsibility to keep Alexis’s heart safe. She already failed once in that regard and she would be damned to let that happen again. 

All San continued to do was smile. With the time he spent watching Alexis leading up to choices, he had a relatively clear understanding of her and Christie’s relationship. How Christie only wanted to protect Alexis and just how much the two cared for one another. Their bond ran deep, and San respected that wholeheartedly. 

“And that is all I have, Christie,” he said warmly. He wanted to reassure her further, to tell her he legitimately cared for Alexis and that she would be just as safe in his hands as her own. Those sentiments would seem hurried since Christie had no inclination of how much time he spent in the walls of their home learning everything he could and just how invested in her best friend San truly was. 

Anything else either wanted to say regarding Alexis was halted when she came bouncing into the room. “Ready!” It was more of an exclamation on her end than a question for San, a huge smile on her face showing the dimples San fell harder for everyday. When she saw the proximity of San and Christie, her smile faltered for a moment as she paused in the doorway. “Did I interrupt something?” 

Without missing a beat, San stepped towards Alexis and wrapped an arm around her waist. “Nothing besides me thanking Christie for helping me with the date and keeping it secret, even with your questioning.” The way San looked at Alexis put Christie further at ease with the two of them.

“It was quite a fantastic date,” Alexis beamed at him, meeting his gaze with just as big of a grin on her face. “Text me when we’re ready for dinner. I’m assuming we’re just ordering in?”

“More than likely,” Christie nodded. It went without saying that Nikki was still in a mood and would not want to leave the hotel. With dinner happening just between the three, it gave Alexis and Christie a better opportunity of getting to the bottom of what exactly was going on with her. “Have fun you two,” she added without a hint of sarcasm. 

***

“You sure everything is okay?” I asked San when we were back in the hallway. 

He squeezed my hand in reassurance. “Of course, Alexis. Why wouldn’t it be?” 

Christie always meant well, but she was fiercely protective of me. Her relationship with Woo already had me a little on edge, and while I hadn’t seen the overprotectiveness come out with San yet, I was fearful it might have snuck out a bit when he returned the necklace. The last thing I wanted was for there to be tension between any of them… even though that was already the case with Christie and Woo.

“Just making sure is all,” was all I chose to say instead of expressing my concerns to him. Hopefully if there was something odd going on between them San would let me know, and I didn’t want to plant a seed of doubt if there was nothing going on. 

San paused in front of what I could only assume was Wooyoung’s door. Both hands came to rest on my biceps while he studied my face. “If there ever is something wrong, Alexis, I’m not going to hide it from you.” 

Following my nod and meek smile, San knocked on the door. This constant reassurance he provided was a breath of fresh air. Having lacked that for so long with Austin it was unfortunately something I sought out often. Thankfully San offered it easily, even if I still needed to get used to it. 

Wooyoung answered the door within seconds of the knock. “Took you long enough,” he teased. “Where are the coffees?” Eyes narrowed at the sight of San’s empty hands. 

Stepping around Woo, San entered his room and pulled me in behind him. “Manager will be up in 10 minutes, Young-ah. Not like I had time to walk and get some.” 

Scowling, Wooyoung gently tugged me from San’s hand and into his embrace, arms sweeping around my waist tightly. “I missed you,” he nuzzled into the crook of my neck, lips ghosting tenderly on my throat. He peppered numerous kisses there before finally moving to my lips. “There’s one of the zillion you owe me.” Suddenly he pulled back, looking over my shoulder to address San. “You’re lucky that I’m in a forgiving mood, San-ah.”

“And you do realize that a zillion isn’t a real number?” I couldn’t help but tease.

Now it was Woo pulling me, this time towards the couch in his room. San rolled his eyes, but followed us with a smile. They settled on either side of me, angling themselves to rest on the sides of the couch. When I sat down rather rigidly, I was quickly resituated. Wooyoung dragged me into his chest, arms going around me to keep me close. San was comfortable with simply having an arm around my bent legs, thumb brushing lightly along my calf. Somehow, it felt right. Maybe it was because I finally let all my reservations go with this whole situation. A movie was already playing on the TV, some action flick that Woo must have started just before we came in. 

“Now, tell me about the date,” Woo said. His fingertips were tracing along my arm so softly it was like I imagined feeling them. “Did everything go according to dear Sannie’s plan? He was so worried. Practically kept him up at night the entire week.” 

“Oh, c’mon, Woo,” San laughed. “That’s a little dramatic.” Regardless of whether or not it was a joke, San’s grip tightened. 

I nudged him softly with my foot, smiling. “That concerned, huh?” 

“Forgive me for wanting our first date to be perfect.” San was back with those pouty lips. 

“You should thank me me for adding to the perfection of it,” the gloating in Wooyoung’s tone was unmistakable. “That dress you had the pleasure of taking off? I picked it out. You’re welcome.” His lips found their way to my temple, nose rubbing against it. “You looked absolutely beautiful in it, treasure. I’m sure you looked even better with it crumpled on the floor, though.”

“That’s for certain,” San agreed, brown eyes turning hazy at the thought of last night.

I’d lost count of how many times I’d blushed today. But the ongoing conversation didn’t phase either of them. On the contrary, San filled him in on the date in great detail. I chimed in when necessary, laughing and joking along. Throughout the entirety of the conversation, Wooyoung stole kisses, counting each and every one of them out loud as if keeping score. San simply smiled and laughed at him, fingers caressing sweetly along my legs. Occasionally, he pulled me in for a kiss of his own, only to have Woo immediately pull me back for another. Each time stating how it was only fair.

Despite my initial reservations and overthinking brain, I found myself settling in effortlessly. We meshed, the three of us. And the longer we sat on the couch lost in laughter, the more I found myself believing their words from the night before. How they only wanted me and the idea of ‘sharing,’ for lack of better words, didn’t phase them in the slightest. 

What a hell of a fantasy I found myself in. 

Might as well enjoy it while I had it.

***

San and Wooyoung were not too fond of letting me go for dinner once it was delivered, especially following a couple of movies and an unexpected couch nap. Waking up tangled between them was otherworldly, especially with the tired clinginess out of both. But, they understood well enough that I needed time with the girls, even if Thea was still MIA on her date. They let me escape after showering both with what seemed like an endless amount of kisses despite Woo’s pouting that San was getting them too. 

Christie and I had settled earlier on sushi and soju for dinner. Staples in our diet, and a sure way of getting Nikki to leave her cave dwelling. At least she was messaging us back semi-normally, letting us know she was in Mingi’s room so that we wouldn’t be knocking forever on her and Thea’s door. 

It was Christie who took the initiative and knocked on the door. There was slight scurry within the room and a faint, gruff “hmpf” before Mingi opened the door. We were expected at least, and he gave us a big smile. 

“Hi guys.” We hadn’t seen much of him or Seonghwa in our couple of days here. It made me wonder what they knew about Nikki’s little funk and what was going on behind closed doors. All questions for Nikki after a few soju drinks. 

“We’re stealing our girl,” I grinned. “We will happily return her following dinner.” 

Mingi’s giant boba eyes scanned between Christie and I. He was clearly teasing us, smirking slightly. “Following dinner?” 

Christie nodded. “Following dinner. Sushi and Soju,” she added, loud enough that hopefully it reached Nikki’s ears. 

There was another scuffle and soft bang. Seconds later, Nikki’s head popped around Mingi in the doorway. “Soju you say?” 

Sliding an arm around her, Mingi grasped softly at the nape of her neck. Lips found her temple while he held her head in place, eyes fluttering shut. “Have fun. I’ll see you soon.” He more or less pushed her out of the room, leaving Nikki scowling when the door shut.

“Well that was easier than we expected,” I mumbled. 

Linking an arm through Nikki’s so she couldn’t manage an escape, we made our way back towards Christie and I’s room. Surprisingly, she didn’t fight at all, not even when Christie looped her arm through the other, sandwiching Nikki between us. Still, she was relatively quiet while Christie and I chattered down the hall and in the elevator. 

We already had the sushi out and organized on the coffee table. Per usual, Christie and I ordered too much, but it would be good to snack on tomorrow before the concert. But we had to make sure all of our favorites were covered, down to the necessary crab rangoons. Since it was our first official concert being on tour with them we collectively decided to go. I was curious to see how everything would be now that we were entirely with the group. Would the backstage dynamics be different? It would be our first time with all eight at once since dinner after Atlanta Day 1. 

Plopping down on the couch, I immediately took a sip of my apple soju and Sprite mixture while Nikki and Christie each took a swig out of their bottles. It was Nikki and Christie’s preference to drink it straight like a wine cooler, one they were both following this evening. I, on the other hand, needed the buffer so I wasn’t wasted in 30 minutes. 

“Alright, sunshine,” Christie smiled after chewing up a piece of sushi. The chopsticks were still settled within her fingertips and pointing straight at me. “Date details. All of it. Including just how well Tini boy took care of you after said date.” 

And thus began the explicit detailing of everything that transpired last night. I left nothing out, from the comments Naomi made about San and I looking madly in love and the fake anniversary, to just how magical the sex was with him last night and this morning. Nikki about lost it when I slipped how dear sweet Santini said he wanted to dominate me, eyes growing wide and something flickering within them.

“But… are you okay?” Nikki asked quietly, avoiding eye contact and picking at stray pieces of rice. “Like with everything? Nothing weird happened?”

I scrunched my face quizzically. This was not the reaction I was expecting from her in the slightest. “Yeah? Why wouldn’t I be okay? Man is adamant about his aftercare too, which is a nice change of pace.”

“She came in the room like she was floating on a cloud, all giggly and smiley this morning. I’d say the dick was just fine,” Christie added. 

“Don’t make it sound so vulgar!” I lightly smacked her on the arm, making a feigned disgusted face at her. “Tini is a gentleman.” 

“A gentleman who wants to dominate you,” Christie continued laughing, emphasizing her words pointedly. “I can’t say I’m all that surprised, though.”

Nikki was still oddly silent, although she did break a smile and released a faint huff of laughter. Normally she would be making every single sexual innuendo known to man, especially with the revelation that the sweet San we’d seen had this dark demon inside him. 

“You’re quiet,” I mumbled, nudging my shoulder into Nikki. Flicking my eyes over to Christie, I saw her nod in agreement. Time to address the beast. “What’s going on? You’ve been off for a while now. Time to spill.”

Nikki looked up and glared at us. “I’m just fine.”

“Just fine my ass,” Christie retorted. 

Leaning back into the couch, Nikki crossed her arms. “Really? We’ve been here for a day. It’s weird and new and it’s a lot. We can’t all be like little miss Sunshine and Thea and just be okay right off the bat. You’re telling me that you’re just fine, Christie?” 

Although I could clearly tell Christie was a little taken aback by Nikki’s response, she answered without delay. “I never said I was. But, if something is going on you can at least talk to us about it.”

I nodded in agreement. “It’s a lot on all of us…. But you also don’t have to entirely shut us out.”

Nikki was very clearly frazzled and ran her hands through her long hair. “You’re not wrong. You know how this goes.”

“We know entirely how it goes,” Christie said, “which is why we’re addressing it now. You’ve had your time to hide in the caves. It’s time to come into the out now.”

“Even if that’s kicking and screaming,” I added.

Finally, Nikki let out a real laugh. “Everything I do involves kicking and screaming, even getting out of my own head. If I say I’ll quit cave dwelling and attempt to be more normal, will that appease you both enough to get off my ass?” 

There she was. I was still convinced there was more going on, but this was a start. Now was not the time to address it further just in case it pissed Nikki off enough to dig herself back in.

“You do have quite a lovely ass,” Christie mused.

“NO FUCKING COMPLIMENTS PLEASE!” 

The rest of the evening felt normal. Well, as normal as it could be without Thea. Christie filled us in about her afternoon with Yeosang and evening with Hongjoong. The faint blush that spread across her cheeks when she said that Captain FINALLY kissed her was absolutely adorable, even if it resulted in Nikki teasing her to no end. Yeosang continued to be a sweet, soft spoken gentleman, who also happened to steal a few legitimate kisses here and there. Things seemed to be progressing steadily, albeit slowly between the three of them. 

Nikki was slightly less forthcoming about her escapades with Seonghwa and Mingi last night, but did say she slept over in Mingi’s room the night before. Knowing what already happened following the now infamous ‘you up?’ text made it easy to assume there was more happening beyond cuddling. In typical Nikki fashion, when she told us that she had kissed Seonghwa as well, she worded it as swapping spit with the dragon man. Christie and I of course had a near endless amount of questions about the length of said man’s tongue, to which we garnered no response. Nikki’s flushed cheeks were enough of an answer. For now.

As much as I wanted to bring up Christie and her thoughts about San and Wooyoung, the night was going so well that I didn’t want to ruin it. I knew Christie had negative feelings regarding Woo, and while I wanted to get to the bottom of why exactly this didn’t feel like the time nor place to have that conversation. 

After an inadvertent tumble trying to show Nikki and Christie my pretty socks mixed with a bit of wall twerking, we decided to call it an evening. There were far too many bottles of soju sprinkled across the room for any of us to describe ourselves as sober, although in my opinion all of us were far from drunk. Personally, I was very very VERY tipsy, but coherent nonetheless. Once Christie and I forcefully hugged Nikki goodbye, she meandered out of the room back towards what I assumed was Mingi’s. Of course we had to throw out more jokes about her night with tree trunks. All well received. 

The clean up was quick and simple. Leftovers were placed in the refrigerator. All bottles thrown away. Any spills wiped away. Christie went off to her space after bidding me goodnight, leaving me to do my nightly routine and head to bed as well. 

I had just finished washing my face and brushing my teeth and changing into one of my favorite matching cropped pajama sets before sending individual texts to both Woo and San letting them know I was alive and dinner went well. Almost instantly my phone started buzzing with responses. San told me goodnight, telling me to sleep well and how he couldn’t wait to see me in the morning. Sweet as always. Wooyoung, on the other hand, must have had other ideas.

WY: So dinner is over?

WY: What are you doing now?

A: Going to bed? What else would I be doing? 

WY: I’m coming over. 

WY: Be there in five minutes. 

WY: Time me. 

Well this was unexpected. With the heads up to his arrival, I went and sat back on the couch to wait for him. Maybe this way I could avoid an unneeded interaction between Christie and Woo. Although, she did deserve a heads up that he was on his way.

Cautiously I knocked on her closed door before opening it. I knew she wouldn’t be asleep yet, not with the onslaught of reels and TikToks she was sending in our group messages. “Hey, Christie…”

“Oh? This doesn’t sound promising,” she said without glancing up from her phone. 

“I mean… depends I guess?” Her eyes flicked up for a brief moment to meet my gaze. “Woo said he’s on his way over.” 

“Shame my gremlin repellent didn’t do its job,” she murmured off handedly, her focus quickly returning to her phone. 

I sighed, loud enough for her to look back up on me with furrowed brows. “I’m just giving you a heads up is all. We’ll more than likely be in my half of the room.” 

“Enjoy yourself, Sunshine.”

“Night lovey.”

Christie flashed me a quick smile before I closed the door behind me. As soon as it clicked shut there was quick, incessant knocking at the main door. I was met with Wooyoung’s bright eyes and a toothy grin when I opened it, wearing a baggy shirt and shorts. 

“Treasure.” His hand slid across my cheek, landing at the nape of my neck to pull me in for a sweet kiss. The press of his lips against mine allowed him to push himself into the room. His brows furrowed when he pulled away, hand trailing down my body before resting on my hip. “Were you guys drinking?” 

“How can you tell?” I placed my hands on his chest, giving him a raised brow.

“Left out a bottle, babe,” he nodded towards the coffee table. How Christie and I missed it was beyond me, but the unmistakable green soju bottle was situated in the corner. “Just how drunk are you?”

I stepped back, creating space between us to walk towards the bedroom. “I may be a lightweight, Jung Wooyoung, but I can handle a decent amount of alcohol.” The image of me falling ran through my brain, causing me to smile back at him and internalize my giggle. “I’m tipsy, but definitely not drunk.” 

His body quickly pressed against mine after he shut the door, arms wrapped snugly to bring me into his chest. “At least you handle it better than San.” Woo’s lips brushed against my cheek. They lingered there to spread innumerable soft and slow kisses. 

“What do you want Woo?” My eyes fluttered shut and I laced his fingers with mine.

“The rest of the kisses you owe me,” he murmured, lips trailing down to my neck which I happily exposed for him. 

I spun around in his arms, colliding my mouth with his. Whether that was brought on by the lingering alcohol giving me courage or my brain finally being calm was up for debate, but in my head it didn’t matter. I needed his lips on mine. Now. I clutched his face, losing myself in the feeling of his tongue winding through my mouth. We hadn’t kissed like this since our meeting in the backroom. It was fevered, filled with a passion I could only describe as being inherently Wooyoung. While I had initiated the kiss, he was matching me in intensity like he had been just as desperate for this as I had been.

Damn was it worth the wait, though. 

“Fuck, treasure,” Wooyoung groaned into my mouth, teeth digging sharply into my lower lip. 

I took the lull in the makeout to latch onto the sides of his shirt, pulling him towards the bed. He barely had enough time to catch himself as he tumbled on top of me. Our lips crashed back together, hungry for each other. I could feel Woo growing harder, his shorts doing little to hide it.

Maybe I needed more than his lips. 

I rolled my hips into his. His hand tightened on my waist as he matched the action. My breathing was becoming needy pants, his mouth silencing the moans that were desperate to escape. The lustful grinding continued for a few minutes, the two of us threatening to get lost in passion with each movement.

Suddenly though, it all ended. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Wooyoung huffed, peeling himself off me and moving to lay on his side on the bed. “We need to slow down, Alexis.”

“What?” The question was a rushed breath when I turned to face him. I’m sure I looked surprised as hell. Wooyoung, the man who sat me on top of a desk and ate me out without a second thought was saying we needed to slow down? Insecurity flooded through me. Maybe he didn’t want me. Maybe I misread something. “Do you not-”

Woo’s fingers caressed my face and his soft lips silenced my thoughts. “I want you. Can you not tell? You’ve occupied my every thought since I’ve met you. I want you so fucking bad, treasure. But the first time I have you wrapped around my dick isn’t going to be when you’re tipsy or when your best friend is a room over.” 

Fuck. I was so lost in the moment I didn’t even consider how having Christie next door could and would significantly impact the mood. I felt like a horny idiot, lost in lust, and embarrassed as shit. Sobriety hit me instantly, my brain clear and a tangled mess of thoughts simultaneously. “Holy hell, I didn’t even think about that or anything or-”

“Don’t apologize and don’t you dare overthink this, Alexis,” Woo pulled me closer, thumb drawing shapes on the exposed portion of my torso. His forehead settled against mine after kissing it. “I didn’t come in here for that, anyway. Hey. Hey. Look at me, treasure. Let me see those pretty eyes of yours,” he added when he noticed my eyes clenched shut in embarrassment. 

When I opened them I was meant with Woo’s reassuring gaze, a far cry from the typical mischievous glint that I saw so frequently. He sighed, moving away a piece of hair that had fallen out of the braid I typically slept in. “I came in here because selfishly I wanted time with just, well… just us. I wanted to hold you,” he kissed me tenderly, brushing his nose along mine, “to kiss you, and to wake up with you in my arms like San did this morning.”

His admission turned me into a different type of puddle. I ran my fingers over that sharp jawline, tracing it until I reached his hair. Despite how often he dyed it, it was soft to the touch. “I wouldn’t want anything more, Woo.” 

We both relaxed into each other, Wooyoung more so with the way I was playing with his messy hair. I didn’t realize how tense we both were until Wooyoung’s sigh of relief faintly blew into my face. “By my count, you owe me at least another 600 kisses.” 

I laughed, laying one on him immediately. It quickly deepened, but not with the same intention as earlier. Now, I was simply relishing in the feeling of his full lips. How his fingers delicately traced over my skin. And just how natural it felt to be laying in his arms. 

I quickly lost track of time, the embarrassment from earlier having dissipated entirely. This soft and sweet Wooyung was everything I imagined it to be. He hung on to every word I said, kissing me periodically while I spoke. The conversation was easy, seamlessly running through semi serious topics and laughter filled jokes. He wanted to know EVERYTHING about me. It was cute, really, playing this modified version of 20 Questions. Even though I knew a lot of superficial information from random kpop profiles and following the group for so long, having him tell me his favorite color and animal so endearingly gave me butterflies I wasn’t expecting. And not once did his hands leave my body or his gaze leave my face. 

Before too long, sleepiness finally clouded our eyes and I futilely fought the heavy blinks and yawns. Following more sweet, lazy kisses, Woo wordlessly instructed me to flip to my other side and brought my back deep into his chest to burrow his face into my neck. Our arms and legs tangled together, fingers interlocking before resting near my stomach. There wasn’t an inch of space between us. 

“Good night, Woo,” I whispered, snuggling myself as close to him as I could. I brought his knuckles up to my lips, kissing them briefly before returning our connected hands to their original place. His arms tightened and I felt the smile on his lips when he kissed my neck.

“Sweet dreams, treasure.” 

note: next chapter will be Thea's date with our favorite boyfriend coded member Yunho. Thanks for sticking with me so far.

[variousqueerthings]

And here’s the “Trapper????” part -- also now in my head as the “I can’t believe Trapper’s ghost just made an appearance out of nowhere like that, it was like watching a horror movie!!????”

This is way more ramble and more about… Feelings and Questions I have, because I certainly don’t have answers...

So BJ punched Hawkeye. As we all know.

In-story, I don’t thiiink he’ll ever be violent like that at Hawkeye again, but what can it mean for Hawkeye’s Belief in him as an entirely Good Person (as explored in the previous post about This Episode)? He’s seen BJ’s anger (he’s caused that anger), he’s seen BJ railing against the unfairness of the world and people, he’s seen BJ intensely disappointed in him, he’s seen BJ violent in his defence, but he’s never been the recipient of it…

And the violence was on the surface a build-up of a lot of things that didn’t have anything to do with Hawkeye, while also being catalysed by Hawkeye’s Just Not Getting Why He’s So Upset, however!!!

But!!!

Then!!!!

this brings us to the other Thing… BJ… is jealous… of Trapper…… I don’t remember when the last episode was that actually said Trapper’s name, but also invoked like this???? Off the top of my head was that when Hawkeye said that Trapper left???? Back in season four?????

And he broke the still! He broke the still that Hawkeye built with Trapper??

I think I’m more amazed at this than the actual meat of the episode, not because that’s not amazing character analysis and writing and acting! (Mike! Mike how could you cry like that!!! Why would you do that to me???) but because I didn’t see it coming at all even a little bit!

The rest of the episode was a fantastic slow build into exploring BJ’s grief about missing his daughter’s life (lifetime!) with a lot of interesting ideas about BJ’s character/role and masculinity.

And then the scene came and I was Transfixed, I was fully in it... and then he said he was jealous of Trapper!

I need to rewatch the scene when I’m brave enough, because it really was heartbreaking and beautifully acted and contained so much Depth, but the Trapper bit threw me for such a loop that I almost missed what he said next, which I believe was in relation to Trapper getting to go home and see his family, which… yes, yes okay.

But. 

When did that jealousy start sir???? How long have you been thinking about Trapper??? The ghost of Trapper??? In this tent you share with Hawkeye the best friend you ever had who was Trapper’s best friend first, in which you just broke the still he made with Trapper and then punched him in the face????? What did Trapper mean in the story versus what you mean to the story????? And of course this mainly in relation to what the two of you mean to specifically Hawkeye?????? 

(sidenote: episode right before this BJ kissed Radar on the cheeks and said to give those kisses to Peg and to Erin... which... is what Trapper asked him to do for Hawkeye).

What does it all mean?????????

I

You know?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In the same episode we obviously have Klinger compared to Radar, and then Potter addresses an old elephant in the room and compares himself to Blake, and then, all of a sudden, without any warning… Trapper to BJ. And in my last post about this episode I did talk about the ways in which, as an audience member, I was putting a lot onto BJ because of Trapper, and how that's a reflection of… possibly… the fact that Hawkeye does the same.

Has BJ been carrying the ghost of Trapper with him this entire time? 

And now everything is spilling over, his grief over missing out on his daughter’s life, his sense of uselessness in the role of father and husband (and man), and… the fact that Trapper was there first perhaps? That Trapper escaped the narrative, which is the reason he’s in it? That some element of him is always filtered through a perception of Trapper – Hawkeye’s perception of Trapper?

These are all questions that currently have no answer, and I’ll just have to revisit them when I’ve finished the whole story.

Haven’t been this haunted by the ghost of narrative past since season 4 (although, mildly and consistently taking radioactive ghost damage throughout Margaret’s narrative these past two seasons as well!)

And as for how Hawkeye might feel about all of this? I can’t even begin to guess (well, I can, but it’d be so biased and flimsy I’d just be fully in headcanon land and again… I want to see if this thread gets picked up on again, or if Trapper was simply invoked in tandem with Radar and Henry, but even If, I cannot... fuck... this is too much).

But there’s a lot of factors in how to see the violence against Hawkeye -- in lots and lots of media there’s violence between men and it’s portrayed as fine and normal, even admirable. Heck, Hawkeye once punched Frank and it wasn’t portrayed as That Big Of A Deal. I actually had to reassess Hawkeye because of that happening, and in other episodes violence is treated in much less blasé ways, for example when Hawkeye loses his temper with the guy who does statistical analysis on how many wounded will come in, and that was “just” a shove... anyway -- I think this show is generally different in how it goes about violence, but there's a definite boundary between the guys bein guys ritual violence (and Margaret! who is always right!) and what is unacceptable violence. 

We make jokes about weakling Hawkeye, and he’s not technically, but he isn’t the kind of guy who engages in The Rituals Of Masculine Violence, and he’s shown several times to react quite loudly to pain, and he’s not that strong... look, he’s a scarecrow, we know this, he knows this, he’s a lover not a fighter, etcetc. 

And BJ is very much not that. There have been several deliberate comparisons made between the two in terms of physique and interest in sports and working out and the like. BJ punching Hawkeye feels... wrong. Not just because it’s not guys bein guys and we’ll laugh it off later in That Manly Way, but that Hawkeye can’t actually defend himself if BJ decides to get violent with him... fairly certain he knocked him unconscious actually. 

The framing of it felt different than what you usually see between two men in a story, hence why it’s so shocking -- not just because they’re friends, but because BJ shouldn’t hit Hawkeye. It’s wrong for him to do so, in a way, say, it’s not quite as wrong for Zale and Klinger to get into a fight (although Zale is just kind of a dick and a bigot, so there’s a different wrongness happening there, but Klinger can fight back and the narrative is framed in a way that makes you want him to fight back, because that’s a traditionally allowed and acceptable way for him to react -- not to do so would be situationally more gay/effeminate than wearing dresses, which leads us back to all kinds of interesting reads about Hawkeye).

The apology later on is sincere and full of regret (the best friend he’s ever had). It’s messy, all of it. And since he broke the still and brought up Trapper it can’t help but make me read it as far beyond the rest of what’s upsetting BJ in this episode. He’s not “just” grieving the lost time of his daughter’s life, not “just” the dissolution of who he’s meant to be, he’s also angry... and like the grief, the anger feels long-simmering. 

Does Hawkeye take that in? Does he let himself take it in? How do you internalise all of “waves hands” that??? 

What I’m also dancing around is that one very obvious interpretation is that a non-zero part of BJ’s loooong compartmentalized now spilling over “stuff” is that he has feelings for Hawkeye -- both as an audience member, but also in-story for Hawkeye, if we read Hawkeye as a bisexual man (who keeps falling in love with married people). Which also adds another layer to the messiness of punching him. Because then it’s a (potential) lover punching a (potential) lover. (This also compared to BJ’s last more obvious act of violence being in defence of a Hawkeye who -- once again -- cannot fight back and might have gotten hurt if not for his intervention). 

They’re both men, but Hawkeye doesn’t do these things (except for that one time with Frank). And if BJ feels this strongly about Trapper, in a way that suggests he’s felt this way for quite some time... can Hawkeye begin to imagine why? Can he let himself potentially imagine that read? Can he talk with anyone about it? (no). Regardless of the actual why, there’s all the potential reasons why and Hawkeye’s going to just have to live with that. 

And of course, lastly... how does Hawkeye feel about the still being destroyed? (again, that BJ destroys something that’s Hawkeye’s in a fit of anger has connotations. They could have had him breaking it by accident, or it no longer working, or... but no, it was BJ, it was deliberate, it was right before he was violent with Hawkeye, and it was not long before he admitted to being jealous of Trapper). 

That was something he made with Trapper. 

And now it’s something he’s remaking with BJ, but off the back of a series of very horrible events for the both of them. Not quite the fairytale Second Chance one might have pictured way back in s4 when BJ appeared like some kind of vision right as Hawkeye was about to fall to pieces. 

Oh so very very messy, all of it. 

Hawkeye’s mind is already so scrambled, I don’t think he needs all of this mess on top, but, then again, BJ never asked to be the Second Chance. He never asked to be perceived as perfect. It was going to break, eventually. And all the reasons why may just go right back to simmering... 

[galacticlamps]

tagged by @amyp0nd (thanks!)

Tea, coffee, or soda? Definitely tea! I’ll drink coffee if I need caffeine & there’s no tea available, but soda I don’t drink at all, except as an ingredient in some cocktails (and even then, it needs to be a really worth it cocktail tbh)

Dogs or cats? Cats!

Can you play an instrument?  alas, no

What’s your sun sign? that’s the main one right? if so then capricorn

First song lyrics that came into your head?  i have trained myself, going shelf by shelf, and i know every item in the stoooore, every tube, jar, box, bottle, carton, and container, where they are, what they cost, what they’re foooooor

for first-class clerking and conscientious working, Mr Maraczek why not tryyyyyy meeee

(Don’t ask me how She Loves Me got inside my brain today lol I couldn’t tell ya)

Do you have any tattoos? nope. I’m kinda interested in the concept but idk if I’d ever go through with it - it’s hard to imagine reaching a point in my life where that doesn’t feel like more money & effort than it’s worth, but who knows

Favorite place you’ve travelled? hmm I don’t have a go-to answer for this, but I think I’m gonna say Ireland’s Ring of Kerry

What’s the last movie you watched? song of the sea! I watched that & secret of kells on back-to-back nights a couple (? what is time) weeks ago but have not yet finished the trilogy, whoops

What languages do you speak? saying anything other than English feels like exaggerating. I kind of drift in & out of being decent with Spanish (I learned it for years, and there are definitely periods when I engage with it a lot - when I’m around a lot of people speaking it, or when I’ll be working through a book of Spanish poems or short stories, or listening to a lot of music in Spanish - but that’s not a constant thing for me & I’m definitely not fluent). And the language I work on the most these days is Irish, but on top of not being fluent in that either, I also have even less occasion to speak that outside of literal lessons

Do you have any hobbies? uhh I write fanfic, I draw a little, I play D&D. There’s lots of things I try to actively learn about, but idk if consuming material on certain subjects is really a hobby of its own or not so I’ll just say I read a lot in general. I also don’t have one particular Craft hobby type thing but I do take on a lot of like, single-use projects? Like whether it’s making or altering or refurbishing something I seem to always have something like that going on, but it’s nothing as consistent as being like ‘oh I knit,’ you know?

You can hang out with one fictional character for an hour, who do you choose? I’m sure this is majorly cliche but the Doctor! I can’t even bring myself to be picky about which one (ok I guess I’d be a little bummed if out of all of them it was Four, but hey I’m only human). I’m not angling to squeeze an adventure out of it either, but a) I’m assuming you could potentially spend that hour, even just chatting, almost anywhere/when, and b) there aren’t many characters I think you could fall into cahoots with quickly enough for an hour to actually turn out a really interesting hang out/convo. But I feel like with the Doctor there’s always a chance you can get to know them as well in an hour as you might in a lifetime (which is probably not great news for how much most of them let people in over the course of a lifetime, but hey at least it’s good for this question). Even if there’s other characters I’d rather be like, actively friends with, for this I feel like you wouldn’t wanna pick someone you couldn’t expect to be fairly at ease with within an hour, and I think the Doctor’s a good candidate for that, being able to bond with people quickly is kinda baked into their lifestyle

Compliment yourself: I’m good at fixing things (since I’m watching glue set rn & hoping it goes well this is as much an affirmation as a compliment lol)

and I’ll tag @uighean @queen-boudicca @terryfphanatics @there-are-no-gods-here //anyone else that wants to!

[michpeach]

Movie magic

When I was 6 months old, my family moved from Zacatecas, Mexico to Southern California. I was too young to speak any language, but my parents and older sisters all only spoke Spanish.

Considering SoCal is so Latino/Hispanic heavy, it wasn’t a huge problem for them to get around, plus we had family here. But my mom recalls being in parent teacher conferences with my eldest sister’s teachers and her (semi) English-speaking and feeling useless. 

“Aquí estaban, hablando de mi hija frente a mí y no podía entender nada,” she said, which translates to, “Here they were, talking about my kid in front of me and I couldn’t understand a thing.”

She was determined to learn the damn language. Film/ TV was a big help. 

She watched Mr. Rogers with us, and rewatched 80s films (Top Gun was her favorite) she had seen in Mexico, but hadn’t cared enough to pay attention to their language then. She didn’t think she’d ever live in an English speaking country.

My dad did this, too. Of course, he worked most of the day so he missed out on Mr. Rogers and other kid shows, but we’d watch movies everyday. 

I guess I didn’t ever realize how many movies I’ve seen in my lifetime, until I started dating my boyfriend.

“I was busy playing outside,” he says. 

Well, I wasn’t. My mom was really protective (still is!) and we lived in an apartment complex in a not-so-great part of town. Sometimes, we’d go to the park or the library. But a lot of the times, we’d watch movies. 

Movies were enough.

To this day, I watch a ton of film/TV. It’s my favorite art form. Without it, I don’t know who I’d be.

So what are my favorite films, and why? 

 5) Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009)

Directed by Wes Anderson | Written by Wes Anderson and Noah Baumbach 

"I think I have this thing where everybody has to think I'm the greatest, the quote unquote 'Fantastic Mr. Fox' and if they aren't completely knocked out and dazzled and slightly intimidated by me, I don't feel good about myself."

Pretty profound words, for a fox.

This film is one of my favorites for a few reasons. In a very Wes Anderson-esque way, the film is just gorgeous and symmetrical which I find mesmerizing. I've always been curious about claymation and seeing a film like this just peaked my interest.

Aside from this, the story is just flat out great. A fox looking for a rush at the cost of his family and community; how does he fix things? Mr. Fox is a really well developed and dimensional character, with relationships that may seem familiar to some watchers, such as the one he has with his wife and son.

4) Frances Ha (2012)

Directed by Noah Baumbach | Written by Noah Baumbach and Greta Gerwig

"I'm so embarrassed. I'm not a real person yet."

A love letter to women in their 20s that don't know what they're doing with their lives.

I feel there are more coming of age stories about people in their teens than there are about young adults in their 20s, which is criminal because who really matures enough to truly "come of age" at 15/16/17. I know technically you're an adult at 18, but your brain isn't even fully developed?

This film really reassures me, as a 22-year-old, that it's completely fine to not know what you're doing. It's fine to float through life for a while.

It's part of the journey of life, eventually you'll land somewhere.

3) The Trial of the Chicago 7 (2020)

Directed and written by Aaron Sorkin

"Since this trial began, 4,752 US troops have been killed in Vietnam. And the following are their names"

Is there one right way to revolutionize?

I've never really taken myself as a history buff, but this film makes things fun. It's a story we don't learn about in classrooms.

The story of eight individuals tried in court for starting a riot at the 1968 Democratic National Convention. But was it really them? And did everyone at the defendants table need to be there?

The film itself is a riot. It's quick, but also poses questions about ethics behind badges and benches, which are questions that remain unanswered even today.

2) Little Women (2019)

Directed by Greta Gerwig | Written by Greta Gerwig Sarah Polley

"Life is too short to be angry at one's sisters"

I feel like anyone who has read the novel by Louisa May Alcott can understand what a wonderful and joyous group of girls the March sisters are.

Now mix that with Greta Gerwig's creative hand and some of the most beautiful costumes in the world and you get the 2019 film rendition of this beloved tale.

Aside from the story, the actors were just phenomenal in their delivery. I wouldn't expect less from Saoirse Ronan, Florence Pugh, Emma Watson, Timothée Chalamet (whom I'm in love with), Laura Dern, Bob Odenkirk, and the Meryl Streep. Wow! I hadnt even realized how many true stars were in this one. Amazing.

This is another coming of age film for women in their 20s. Sure, it's a different time entirely, but the message is the same. Women will, in their own time, know what's best for them.

1) Big Fish (2003)

Directed by Tim Burton | Written by John August

"I saw my death in that eye, and this isn't how it happens."

"So how does it happen?"

"Surprise ending. Wouldn't want to ruin it for you."

I have only seen my father cry in one movie, and this is it. Could it be the complex relationship between father and son shown on screen resonates with him? Or that is particularly a beautiful film? I've never asked him.

What makes me cry about this movie is that it's a build up to the ultimate ending. You see this man, slightly delusional, living his life through stories and you soon realize that perhaps its not an unfortunate way to live. It could be quite fulfilling.

I don't think I've ever seen another movie about wild imagination past adolescence, but it's a wonderful thing.

[kyberphilosopher]

Fensterln

“I can’t get up. You’re sitting on top of me.”

Warning(s): some allusions to sex, explicit-ish language, fluff, reader has a whole ‘Black Cat’ thing going on. Word Count: 3273

Notes: This is a requested work. This is a headcanoned canon version of Superboy, meaning he is no version in particular and simply the character I figure as a whole. Reader can be any gender.

“Fensterln is when you have to climb through someone’s window in order to have sex with them, without their parents knowing about it.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

You know, most people think that climbing up the side of a building is easy. Like it’s nothing. They see it on TV, and in the movies, and in cartoons even, and they think, “That doesn’t look so bad!” because it doesn’t. Cartoons and actors don’t have to deal with the wind whipping their hair, constantly pushing their whole body all around, the butterflies of anxiousness making their heart thump, threatening the scenario of falling to their death. It’s terrifying. It takes a lot of skill, a lot of courage, and a lot of luck. 

“Shit.”

Your right hand releases from the glass, arm slowly swinging back until it’s at your side. The same sides foot follows this pattern of rotation, until only your left fingertips and toes are stuck to the wall of the building, suctioning you to life. Below you, hundreds and hundreds of feet, is an island of grass and sand, encompassed by a large body of water. Over the tidal waves chip chopping away, there’s a distance. And in that distance, is the city, just under the inky blackness of the midnight sky. 

Jump City, it’s called. You’re not too familiar with it. Most of your time is spent in Metropolis, or Gotham. Luckily, both of those cities have plenty of skyscrapers to practice scaling. One could say that you’d perfected the art of this sort of thing. The finger pads on your suit are sophisticatedly sticky, seamlessly letting you latch onto anything with grace. Your feet are the same. 

The wind hits your face like sharp needles, amplified by the cold air and the incline. Your hair whips around wildly, also different from how it flows, softly, in the movies. The harsh breeze roars in your ears, louder than the thousands of explosions you’ve heard in your lifetime. Although dangerous, nothing beats the view. Those thousands of lights in the distance, the cars, the buildings, this building that you’re on now. Titan’s Tower is far larger and closer and more important than anything else at the moment. 

“Okay then,” you mutter, twisting your body over to the right twice more, until finally both hands and feet are connecting against the glass in a stealthy, perfect crawling position. 

You work your way up, one foot and hand at the time. You resemble that of a spider, or perhaps a cat. One, two. One, two. 

His room is on one of the top floors, if not the top floor. From the two other times that you’ve done this, you remember the number of steps, the distance, the little cracks in the glass panes to look for so you know you’re close. Even from the outside, hundreds of feet up, hanging above death tantalizingly, you know exactly where you are and where you need to be. And you know, of course, that you are close. 

Your right hand leaves the wall once more and reaches down to the belt on your hips. “Coming, my love,” you mutter as you flip open a small pouch attached. From the inside you pull out a slim switchblade, made specifically to cut through glass walls like this- designed it yourself. 

The knife springs open. In a circle big enough to fit your entire body, you trace the blade in a wide arc from up to down, left to right. Then you flip the blade back inside, place the whole thing back into the pouch on the belt, and shove your left elbow against the middle of the glass in front of you. 

It pops free immediately. The circle of wall falls forward into the room, with you not far behind.

Landing like a gymnast on your toes with your arms overhead, you are immune to the sharp pain in your femurs that comes from a sudden pressure like this. The glass pane is still intact on the floor ahead of you, which is coated with a red carpet that you recognize so well. It’s much warmer inside than it was outside, although you can still feel the night wind from behind you.

“Silent,” a voice remarks from beside you. It’s not an amused tone, really. It’s genuine and full of awe, surrounded by something casual. 

You hum as you stand before throwing a look over your shoulder. Sure enough at your back, splayed casually on a bed against the wall you just broke through, is your favorite boy toy. Dark, curly hair framing his classically handsome face, nose scrunching slightly on instinct. He’s wearing the black and red super shirt he always does, coupled with the plaid pajama bottoms you’d gotten him as a gift in spring.

You want so badly to quip something back, but you both know you can’t right now. Not when you’re so close to the door. And yeah, that’s partially Conner’s fault, if not all. Too much noise would attract the attention of his team mates, the Titans, and then something probably not that great would happen. Maybe they’d throw you out. Maybe they’d fire him. Maybe things would just get weird. It’s not as if you and Connor are an official couple, even after all this time. You could stop sneaking around to see each other at any sense of danger.

You take a step towards the bed he lays on, noting the big, bright smile that lights up Superboy’s face at the motion. “Can you fix the hole?” you whisper, just loud enough for him to hear.

Conner’s eyes go wide and the smile gets bigger.

“In the wall.”

The smile turns into an eye roll. “Yes,” he sighs, almost dramatically, pushing himself up. The boy crosses to the center of the room a few feet from you and begins picking up the perfect circle of cut window- wall while you look around the area.

You’ve snuck into Conner’s room before. Twice, in fact. It’s not clean, not horribly messy. His leather jacket is usually hanging off the dresser or door handle. Sweatshirts of different colors are littering the floor in a collective pile. It looks like a normal teenage boys room, really. It just feels very ‘Conner’.

First, he pushes the glass back into place in the wall, then he takes a few steps back. You throw him a smirk, nudging your head to encourage him to do the thing.

Conner’s eyes heat up. Little at first, as a soft yellow. Then into an all consuming scarlet that hisses out in two beams meeting in the middle between them. They move in a circle around the pane until you can’t even tell it was ever not there, and the wind you once heard no longer exists. The wall is perfectly in tact.

“Thank you, Superboy,” you tell him, tone laced overly sweet. Your hands, freezing from the cold even through the gloves of your costume, wrap around Conner’s upper arm.

“Yeah,” he tosses, back, voice low. His cheeks are turning pink.

You unhook your arms and saunter over to his mattress. As you throw yourself on and relax as you sink into the pillows, you let your eyes close. “You’re lucky I like you so much,” you tease. “Mm, do you know a lot of people who would climb up the Tower for you? I don’t.”

Upon hearing him take a single step forward, one eye pops open. “I know you missed me,” you continue.

Conner lays himself on the bed beside you, hands behind his bed with his arms bent. You turn to face him, propping your head up with your palm.

“You never answer my texts,” Conner says, Adam’s apple bobbing.

“You text me?” you smirk, watching Superboys eyes sink close as he releases a sigh of defeat.

Your left leg slips over Conner’s hips. Then you pull your whole body up and over into a straddle over him, looking down at him. He’s handsome in the way nobody can argue with, so perfect and soft and structured. When you squint, he looks like Superman. But Conner’s not Superman, he’s better. You can’t explain why, or how, but he just is.

You place your palms forward on his chest at first, then backwards, behind your back, on Conner’s thighs. Your chest puffs out at the slight change of position.

Below you, the boy bites his lower lip softly in thought for a second. “What if I got you a phone?” Conner asks you. His light eyes holding yours through thick, dark lashes. “Just so you can text me back sometimes?”

“Us?” you gasp with wide eyes. “Talking? During the daytime?”

Conner glances away. “Message received. Very funny. Forget it.”

“I’m messing with you,” you promise with a smile. “Loosen up Super-Annoy.”

“So you’ll let me get you one?” Conner pushes himself up with a snap, eyes wide with some kind of excitement.

Well… would you? You haven’t had a lot of long term partners, if any. Your time with Conner has been the longest with anyone, and he’s not even really your boyfriend. He’s just… you know… the guy you kissed on a rooftop one night. The guy who once surprised you with a cone of ice cream, again on a night time rooftop, whilst you were sitting on the side of the building to watch the city below. The guy who remembered your birthday, the guy who keeps sending you the many, many texts reminding you that you can watch your favorite show on the TV in the tower. The guy who once lied to get you to ice skate with him.

Something about Conner has been enough to keep you hooked for months and months, always coming back. Sneaking into the Tower, taking more and more trips to Jump City, keeping notes of events throughout your week to tell him about when you see him. 

How silly. Never giving the time of day to any other partner of yours, but for Conner? Conner has gotten at least eight months of it. 

“I’ll think about it,” you roll your eyes. 

“You promise?” Conner urges. 

“Yes. Jeez, I promise. I will think about letting you get me a phone that only you have the number to.”

“Please don’t laugh at me about this.”

“I’m not laughing at you.”

“It feels like it.”

“Connor,” you clasp a hand on his shoulder, pushing back laughter. “Have I ever laughed at you?”

“W- Is that- is that a serious question?” Conner’s eyebrows raise. 

“Get up,” you roll your neck. “I want to change positions.”

The boy below you shifts. For a quick moment, something pokes between your hips from underneath. Your pupils dilate in response, but by the time they finish, the movement has ceased. “Tell me about your day.”

“I want to lay down,” you say as you stretch. “I just scaled up the side of the skyscraper-”

“You love it.”

“-and it was oh, so cold. I’m tired.”

“That’s not your day.”

You just stare at him expectantly, not quite sure what it is you’re waiting for. 

“I can’t get up. You’re sitting on top of me,” Conner concedes. “You chose to be up there.”

“Prove it,” you challenge.

“Yeah, yeah,” the boy below you hisses as if annoyed. “I get it,” he says, but his arms are already snaking around your torso to pull you close and slowly pull you into a new position. 

You lay on your side, back against Conner’s broad chest. His arms stay wrapped around your middle as he curls up against you on instinct, legs quick to tangle with your own. You know he must really be interested in you if he’s not going to mention that your ‘work’ shoes are still on while in bed. 

“You’re an ass,” he mutters into your hair. 

“What was that?”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“Ha,” you chuckle once. “Douche.”

“Please tell me about your day now?” you hear Conner almost plead. “Please?”

One of your hands, your right one, rests on top of Conner’s against your stomach. “Oh, you know. The usual. I helped out a small jewelry store today, snuck into a big building, currently hiding from Nightwing- you know how it is.”

“There wasn’t much crime today. I mostly just stayed in. You know that big building you snuck into?”

“Such a douche,” you breathe.

“Jealous much?” Superboy rumbles against your ear. 

“I’m gonna tell Dick,” you tell him. “I’ll send an anonymous tip that one of the Titan’s is a big poop face.”

Conner puts his whole face in your hair. “Shiver me timbers.”

“Yeah, yeah. It’s not fair you guys get a whole building to yourselves. What are you even using half these floors for? People in Gotham are struggling.” You frown. “Well, except for Wayne. But you know what? He’s a douche too. You’d get along.”

Conner squeezes you once. Then you feel him still from behind you, not even breathing. And then-

“Move in then.”

At once, your brows furrow. “What?”

Your companion squeezes you once more. “Move in. Move in with me. In the Tower.”

Your mouth opens and closes a couple times, eyes looking around. You can’t see Conner, but you can feel him out. His eyes are closed, still inhaling the scent of you shamelessly. It’s hard for people to catch you off guard, not just like this, but at all. You just have that sarcastic, witty, sultry reputation. And for him- Super-Annoy, of all people- to just throw you off so easily?

“I’m not a Titan,” you decide on explaining, almost asking. 

“Become one, then.”

“I don’t have the money to move in. The rent must be crazy.”

“I’ll pay for you.”

“Conner,” you swallow. “This isn’t funny.”

“I’m not joking.” His head pops up. When you turn yours a little, you can look up at him, and he can look down at you. “Move into the Tower.”

Now your eyes are wide, and his are relaxed. No, Conner’s are focused, drilling into your own. “I’m... hardly Titan’s material.”

This was true. You’ve been skirting the gray line far longer than you’ve known Superboy, and he’s been super since the beginning of his creation. The first time you’d met was about ten seconds before you’d robbed a bank and sent him a wink before disappearing. 

“You just told me, not five minutes ago, that you helped a small business. Helping people is what heroes are all about. You can do this, Y/N. You are Titan’s material.”

Shit. He’s right. 

“Why not?” Conner questions. 

“I... um...”

You’ve never lived with another person before. Your family, once upon a time, sure. Not friends. Not Dick Grayson, or Kori, or Rachel fucking Roth. And certainly not Superboy- Super-Annoy. Not someone you have a ‘thing’ with. What would that mean for the two of you? And when things go terribly, terribly wrong, what then?

Gotta’ think fast. 

Your face is wiped clean, replaced by your signature smirk. “Get me a phone first. Then I’ll consider it.”

Conner doesn’t budge though. You wonder if X-Ray vision can see through lies too. “I mean it,” the boy tells you. “I want you here.”

“I have to survive the night in the building with boy prodigy and star flame.”

“Starfire.”

“Whatever. I have to do that first. There’s a reason we sneak me in, you know.”

Your free hand reaches up and cups Conner’s cheek without you telling it to. You ask your brain why, but yet, your palm doesn’t move. It feels over Conner’s cheekbones, encouraging you to look deeper into his somehow soft eyes. Your fingertips can even feel his hair, which is in need of a wash, as they get comfortable. 

“For you,” you finish the sentiment, voice now genuine- also not predicted. “Sneaking in for you.”

“I don’t want you to feel like a secret,” the boy above you whispers, pouring his entire heart into it. 

You answer with a snort. 

If anything, Conner’s the secret. If he had his way, the two of you would probably be on your honeymoon at this moment. Hell, your whole relationship and subsequent marriage would be a honeymoon. You’re the one letting him follow you around. You’re the one never giving him just what he wants. 

But then again, you’re the one who keeps coming back. Conner’s the one that never left. 

“Trust me,” you nod with a humored grin. “I don’t.”

Conner sighs and falls back down to rest behind  you. “Good.”

Besides his breathing, then there is silence. 

Really? Telling you to move in? Of course it doesn’t seem like such a big deal to him. Of course he has the solution to all the reasons why not. Your fairly certain that Conner hasn’t thought about this until mentioning it, but even then, how did he have all the answers so fast? Where would you stay? With him? Sandwiched between Conner and Wally West playing video games for the rest of your life? Dying after Donna Troy catches you accidentally stealing her lunch?

“I wasn’t going to say anything,” Conner begins, “but you should really stay the night.”

In response, you practically burst. “You hate being told what to do!” you say as you squirm in his arms. “Now you’re giving me suggestions?”

Conner sits up again so he can look down at you with a little frown. Luckily, it’s too nice of a view to be really scared of anything he could do. “Shh! You’re gonna get caught, Y/N.” Then Superboy’s eyes widen a little. “If you lived here, you wouldn’t have to be so quiet, either. You could just come through the front door.”

“Oh my God,” you squeeze your eyes closed. “Conner...”

One battle at a time. 

“Fine,” you begrudge. “I’ll stay the night.”

Conner tightens his grip around your form happily in response. “Will you need any help in the morning?”

“No. No, I got it.”

Silence. 

Say it. Say it. Say it. 

“Conner? I, uh...”

Say it. 

“I don’t have any sleeping clothes,” you lie. 

“Sleeping?” you hear the boy behind you whisper. “I didn’t think we were going to be sleeping.”

“Now who’s going to get us in trouble?” you smirk. “Seriously though. I’ve been wearing my suit all day.”

“I can get you out of it.”

“You can’t just see through it?” you question. “Don’t you have X-Ray vision?”

Conner groans. “You’re ruining it.”

You smile. Conner’s the only partner of yours you realize you’re actually happy to be around. “I think you just want us to get caught.”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Yayyy. Request finished. Next I have a Reverse Flash request, and then I should be good with the DC requests for now. Other than that I have some Jason Todd things, something for Damian and 2 fics for a character I haven’t written for before but are looking pretty good. I hope this satisfied the prompt that I was given in the request. Let me know anything you want or whatever. 

[sixeyesgojo]

jjk characters handling your period

Summary: “What do you mean, no baby this month either? Okay, suffer then.” - your damn uterus

Pairings: Gojo/Megumi/Nanami/Naoya/Toji x Reader

Content warning: the monthly bloody nightmare your uterus puts you through and the whole shebang that comes with it, language warning, suggestive themes, explicit warning for Toji (you’ll see why)

A/N: purely self-indulgent because I suffer. @megumifushi and @sukirichi , my gals, I gotcha. Also dedicated to all readers who suffer from the same fate (may it be right now or not). Also: Yes, absolutely open the video I linked in Megumi’s part (it’s safe, I promise).

Gojo Satoru

You turn and turn in bed uncomfortably. Something isn’t right, you think and it’s not the fact that Satoru is missing next to you. Not knowing immediately irritates you. All of a sudden you become painfully aware of your lower region. Yes, of course it had to be that time of the month. You just knew you already stained your panties and perhaps the sheets haven’t been spared either. Getting out of bed, then realizing it was already past noon, you sprinted to the bathroom. Fuck, moving fast was not a good idea. 

Having changed the sheets and your stained panties, you made your way to the kitchen. Your stomach growled, signaling you were hungry, but at the same time you feared. Smelling food, let alone tasting too much of it, was a slippery slope – either your nose would protest or your stomach, no in-between. Regardless, you had to eat; or were you supposed to starve to death because of this? Not in this lifetime. “I AM BACK!” an annoyingly loud voice rang through the apartment. You groan and turn around. “Fuck off, Satoru,” you say. Your irritation flaring up for seemingly no reason. “Stop being so motherfucking loud. My head feels like it’s going to split in two and my pussy is fighting the crimson war right now,” you snarled at him.

“Oh honey, seems like I called the right shots then,” he declared proudly and held up a bag filled with... snacks? “I already called in sick for you for the next few days,” Satoru continued to explain as he wrapped his arms around you, “and I’ll be by your side 24/7 for the next two days. We’ll do fun stuff. How does movie night with lots of cuddling for tonight sound?”

“Why are you so nice to me right now?” you mumbled, tears welling up in your eyes. “Simple: I don’t want to be castrated by you,” he whispered back and planted a kiss on your cheek. “Fair enough. What will we do tomorrow?” He stayed silent but pulled out a black card out of his sleeve. You gasped.

Fushiguro Megumi

Ping. A notification. Quickly, you scrambled to get your phone to see what that was about. You desperately needed some distraction right now. The pain was too much. Your boyfriend Megumi had gone somewhere you didn’t know. All you knew was that your boobs were sore, the sensitive nipples rubbing against the fabric were already too much. In addition to that, you also experienced period cramps, resulting in back pain as well. Life was not easy at the moment but at least you could lay in bed for today, doing absolutely nothing.

Unlocking your phone, you saw a new message from Yuji: “omg look at this???” [Video link] It was a video of 42 seconds. There was a cute seal – probably the cutest and fluffiest seal you have ever seen – and background music. It may have only lasted 42 seconds but it definitely triggered some happy feelings inside you; it was so pure and you loved the energy of the clip. Perhaps these feelings were a bit too intense and overwhelming. Tears streamed down your face and you started sobbing uncontrollably. Why were you like this? It wasn’t even a sad video, was it?

You buried your face in the blankets, weeping as if someone just broke up with you. Through your loud crying, you did not notice the door opening. A jangling noise could be heard from your nightstand. Instantly, you shot up to check for intruders but luckily, it was Megumi. A frown spread on his face. “What happened?” he asked as his thumbs wiped your tears from your cheeks. You showed him the video, still sobbing, “Look at the seal... It’s so c-cute. I just... got emotional because it really t-traveled the world. This cutie deserves the whole world...”

“And so do you,” he bluntly stated, “now take the ibuprofen I brought you for the cramps and rest up.” As a matter of fact, he not only brought you painkillers but a hot water bottle and food as well.

Nanami Kento

“No, give me that. Lay down and rest. I can dust off the shelves on my own,” his deep voice commanded. If there was a man that screamed “male wife” it was definitely Nanami Kento, particularly when it came to you being on your period. You weren’t allowed to do anything in the house, except for very light chores. With good reason. “Kento, I can do–” Yeah, no, it wasn’t possible and Kento knew it too well.

You weren’t lucky when it came to period symptoms. Besides excruciating back pain, extremely sore breasts and headaches, you also had the luck to suffer from dizziness every single time you experienced the monthly nuisance. The first time you even passed out. In fact, it had happened several times. And that was precisely how Kento decided to not let you do anything. Still, you felt bad to leave everything to Kento. His work already demanded so much from him and here you were, being babied and even spoon-fed. You didn’t even have to cook your own meals or wash and iron laundry.

You had barely said those words when the unwelcome whirling sensation took you over again. Your feet wobbled, you were in danger of crashing to the ground. In a flash, Kento was by your side to steady you. “I told you not to overdo it.” He cupped your cheek with his warm hand. “Sorry, Kento. I’ll... just rest for a minute.”

Zenin Naoya

Period pain? Laughable. Naoya thought it was pathetic. A woman – these already weak creatures – having period symptoms was a mystery to him. What could possibly hurt about bleeding a little? He couldn’t understand. Your pitiable and sorry state was only another inconvenience to him. Not that you hindered him in any way – you were obedient enough to be quiet and complain as little as possible – but he absolutely despised seeing that annoying expression of pain on your face every time he had to look at it.

Hell, he didn’t even want to engage in sexual activities with you during that time, even though he had randomly picked up somewhere that it might help. Not that he wanted to help you, it was your problem and yours only, not his. “Stop looking at me with those eyes. It’s disgusting,” he remarked condescendingly as he got dressed for wherever he had to go. “When will you be back?” you croaked out but he totally ignored you.

“Women are so damn weak. It’s so fucking pathetic, I almost want to give you a hug,” Naoya gagged. He was about to leave the room but stopped in his tracks. Looking over his shoulder, he caught a glimpse of your face that was contorted with pain. In long strides, he made it to one of the cabinets, fished out a tiny box and threw it on the bed. “Tsk, you better get well soon so you can serve me again, dumb bitch.”

Fushiguro Toji (soft)

Work hadn’t been treating him kindly: not yesterday, not today, not ever. Although he was highly capable and never failed to exceed himself, all Toji truly wanted to do was to go home. When he finally made it through the door, he called out, “Am home.” Usually, you would come running to greet him but when nothing but silence greeted him, his hand instantly moved to the cursed creature lingering on his shoulder. It was suspicious. Did enemies manage to find this hideout? Where were you? His hands started sweating.

Stealthily, he approached the kitchen. To his surprise, he saw your form in front of the counter, hunched over in pain. Dropping his offensive stance immediately, he quickly strode over to check on you. “Hey, what are you doing there?” he asked, hesitatingly putting a hand on your shoulder. You looked at him, grimacing with pain, “Oh, Toji. I didn’t realize you were home yet. Sorry, I’m not done cooking dinner yet, I just feel so nauseous, exhausted and my entire back  and shoulders hurt so much. It’s so sore.” “I see.” He nodded, understanding what was happening. Suddenly, he lifted you effortlessly. You squealed, “Toji!! What are you doing?!” “Taking care of you,” he promised. “But dinner!” “Don’t care.”

Making his way to the bedroom, Toji laid down with you on top of him. Something about his warmth already made you feel better but as his large palms rubbed your back in circular motions, you felt as if you were in heaven. Toji’s ministrations soothed the pain so well, you almost let out a moan. Now that the pain didn’t overshadow all the other symptoms anymore, the drowsiness took over. “Toji, ‘m tired,” you mumbled; eyelids fluttering already. “Then sleep. I’ll take care of dinner later,” he whispered. You only hummed in response, already far too gone. Slowly but surely, his steady heartbeat lulled you to sleep. “Sleep tight.”

Taglist: @megumifushi​ @gojos-mochi​ @assbuttbaek​ @bleueluna​ 

[cal-puddies]

You'll See me in Hindsight // Calum Hood

hello friends. I hope you are here to enjoy the first part of Even if it's Just Pretend, a three part series featuring the Calum Hood. I've been working on this for months. like probably since late July early august. and It's a lot of angst and smut (because what else would you expect!) @kindahoping4forever who is forever my partner in things did these graphics and helped me clean up the grammar. 🦦🦦💕💕

Warnings: This part is mostly just angst and a lil bit of smut.

Word count: 5382

Cass & Crystal’s Masterlist

Let us  know  what  you  think!

March 26th.

If you could do the whole day over again, you probably would.

Logically, you knew that even if you could go back and make different choices, it wouldn’t change the outcome.

You take a sip of the drink you’re holding. You know he’s gonna be here, he has to be. Ashton finally found someone to spend his life with. You were around for so much of their relationship, you ended up becoming quite close with both Ash and Lyric.

In fact, when you’d tried to opt out of the wedding shower, you were told it was required since you were, of course, the maid of honor. When you made eye contact to ask if Cal would be the best man, you just got a slight nod, indicating that yes, he would be.

You take a sip and you hear his giggle above everything else and it’s like suddenly the air is knocked out of your lungs. He still knocks the breath out of you, like when he walks in the room, all the air leaves. It’s far from an ego thing, people just can’t help but love him.

Everyone’s Baby, that’s what you used to say to him. No one ever stayed mad at him and everyone loved having him around. He just drew that kind of attention. It’s what makes it hard for you to stay mad at him. Even as he missed another date, even as you broke up… you couldn’t stay mad.

He did his best but it just wasn’t enough to meet your needs.

You sit on the couch with your laptop and a glass of wine. Cal’s hoodie engulfs your body as you lounge. You'd practically begged him to be early or at the very least on time so that you could watch a movie and spend some time together but he’s already an hour and a half later than he said he’d be.

You hear his key in the door and he breezes through, kissing you on the forehead, “Hey gorgeous… I know… but you know how Ash gets about getting things perfect while the vibe is good.” He plops next to you.

“Yeah… I get it,” you nod, leaving it at that for now. “Um, I was just looking at the calendar, do you think you can update with any stuff you guys have? I have days off I need to burn and I’d like to spend them with you.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll sync it right now, while I go change.” He leans over to press a kiss to your lips.

“Cal, it’s already pretty late and I have shit I have to do in the morning. I’m not gonna make it through a movie,” you admit.

“I know… I’m so sorry, babe. With Lyric outta town, Ash didn’t want to go home and be alone, so he basically kept us all hostage.”

You take a deep breath. “We just don’t get time together anymore. I don’t remember it being this hard. This… whatever this conversation is... is the longest we’ve been awake in the house together since I can remember.”

“Love.” Cal waits until you meet his eyes. “We’ll make time. I promise.”

“Yeah… when we can pencil in time to pencil each other in.” You sigh. “I miss when we were in pen, Cal.” You look at him for what feels like both a lifetime and only seconds all at once. “I’m just… I’m gonna go to bed. I’m tired.”

Cal surprises you by crawling into bed next to you instead of staying up. He rests his arm over your waist but judging by his breathing and the amount of movement, he’s having as much trouble sleeping as you are.

You’re a zombie when you finally get out of bed, little bits of fitful sleep are all you’d managed. You text your boss that you’ll be late. You make a pot of coffee, grab your laptop and sit at the dining table.

Cal comes out about 40 minutes later. He kisses the top of your head and grabs a cup of coffee. He makes toast for both of you and you silently eat together. You have the urge to cry but you hold it in.

“You’re home late,” he mentions.

“Um, I didn’t think I should leave without us at least seeing each other… instead of me just seeing you sleep,” you shrug, shutting the laptop and turning toward him.

He lets out a humorless laugh, “I wasn’t really doing that last night.”

“I know… me either.”

“I know.”

You stay silent for another few minutes before Cal grabs your hands. You watch him admire them, like he's trying to memorize them. He turns them over, rubs over them, feels each of your fingers and cups them in his, bringing them to his lips to kiss.

“This isn’t working, is it?” You ask, voice cracking as you chew your lip, trying to stop the tears.

Cal looks at you and you can tell he’s fighting back his own tears. “I don’t think so,” he admits, taking a couple deep breaths. “But I love you so, so much,” he emphasizes, letting his tears fall.

You sigh, “I know. I love you.”

“I don’t know when… when we stopped putting us in pen… but I know I thought that loving each other would take us through it, till we got back to that point… but I don’t know if it’s coming… and it’s not fair to keep you always waiting on me.” Cal hangs his head, his tears hit your hands where he holds them in his lap.

“I don’t want this,” you whisper, not trusting your voice.

Cal tugs your hands and pulls you into his lap, holding you tight to his body. “I don’t either… but…”

“Don’t say it, Cal, I know.” You cling to him.

You can still feel the soft kisses, the way the two of you made love for the last time, his hands memorizing your body, his mouth doing the same to yours. His last “I love you” as he walked you to your car, and the last look as he tucked your hair behind your ear and kissed you for the last time, saying he’d stay with Ash until you found a place.

Cal makes his way around the room, greeting everyone as if this party was for him. It makes you smile to see him so extroverted among his friends.

“And you,” he says, stopping in front of you. “It’s really good to see you.” A soft smile crosses his face but you see conflict in his eyes, not knowing if he should hug you or not.

“It’s good to see you.” You reach over and touch his arm. “You look good.”

He rolls his eyes. “Ash made me dress up.” He reaches for your hand and does the thing he used to, where he’d feel all over it, rub his thumb over both sides, and gently pull each of your fingers between his. It calmed anxiety for the both of you.

“I get that… Lyric picked my dress,” you chuckle, fanning out the skirt a little.

“You look incredible.” He stops for a moment to take you in. “Can you believe these two are gonna do this?!” He asks, finally dropping your hand, realizing it might be a little weird. “I mean we were there for the proposal but I guess I never realized it’d finally get here.” He turns so you're both looking out among the rest of the party.

“I guess I just kinda figured they’d be perpetually engaged until Crystal annoyed them enough to start planning a wedding and then Ash would get frustrated and just take Lyric to the courthouse.”

“Yeah…” He nods. “I kinda always thought we’d elope,” he mentions with a shrug, looking over at you.

You clench your jaw and let out a tense laugh, “That definitely seems like something we would have done...” There’s a beat before you hold up your empty glass. “Uhh… I’m gonna go get another drink.” You need to get away and fast, because that hurt, like a punch to the stomach.

You get your drink and start to make your own rounds, acutely aware of where Calum is at all times. Those four months apart haven't healed anything for you yet and if it had, that comment he just made would’ve torn off any scab that had formed.

Lyric can tell immediately that something is off when you approach her and it’s written on her face. Ash intercepts you in a bear hug. “There’s the maid of honor!” He teases, “Saw you and the best man getting a little cozy.”

“Yeah… then my ex said he always thought we’d elope.”

A pained expression crosses both Ash and Lyric’s faces at the same time. “He really said that, huh?”  Lyric squeezes your arm sympathetically.

“And I ran away.”

“I’m sorry babe,” Ash says, squeezing your other arm.

“It’s not like we could avoid each other forever, especially with you two lovebirds getting married,” you sing-song. Ash gets another pained expression and you shake your head. “Don’t say it, Ash. I know everyone thought Cal and I would too. But this is about you guys!” You squeeze Lyric’s hand.

A couple hours pass and then the party is winding down. Ash and Lyric had asked the wedding party to stop by their place afterwards for drinks and to discuss some plans, so you gather your things, preparing to head over there.

Cal comes up to you. “Hey, can I catch a ride? I came with the happy couple and I want them to have this moment a bit longer.”

“Of course.” You smile.

As the two of you head for the door, Cal rests his hand on your lower back. You don’t say anything because it’s always been comfortable, even before the two of you were dating, back when Lyric had just introduced you.

“Hey…  I probably owe you an apology. I said too much earlier… I just…”

You interrupt him. “It’s OK, handsome. We haven’t really seen each other since everything and I guess we haven’t really adjusted how we speak to each other.”

Cal sighs quietly, “I don’t want to have to adjust how I talk to you.” You bite your lip and pretend you didn’t hear him because the only response you have toward it wouldn’t be fair of you to say to him right now. He asks, “You want me to drive? I know you hate the hills at night.”

“Sure.” You hand him the keys and he opens the passenger side door for you.

When you stop at a red light, you watch him as his hand starts to reach over to rest on your thigh and then he stops himself, flexing his fingers before putting them back on the steering wheel. “Habit,” he explains.

“Yeah I know… I’ve watched from the backseat while you put your hand on Ash’s thigh,” you laugh.

“He does have really nice, strong thighs.” He plays along, saying it flirtatiously and slowly, emphasizing nice and strong.

You both laugh. “So do you, Cal… I know that all too well.” You wink when he glances at you and some of the tension dissipates.

“They want destination stag parties, have they told you? Same destination. Ash wants to be able to go to bed with her.” He shrugs. “I was thinking Vegas.”

“Yeah, we had lunch last week. I don’t think Vegas will be that fun for Ash… maybe somewhere we can go and spend some time out on the water or something. Plenty to do together and separate, you know?”

“Oh yeah… you always think things through more. We should get a meal and talk about it. Or you can come by, we can make dinner…”

“What, like a date?” You tease.

“Yeah, OK… that’s fair,” he nods, chuckling. “We’ll do lunch then.”

“Cal, it’s fine, I know how you are with public outings, I’ll come to the house. I miss Little Man anyway.”

“Duke’ll be so excited to see you.” Cal puts your car in park and then smiles over at you. “Just let me know what works.”

———————

Cal feels nervous. His hands shake slightly as he tries to clean up the house a bit and at the last minute, he decides he needs to change. You show up in the middle of that, letting yourself in.

Cal walks out, buttoning up his shirt, “Hey, you’re here!”

“Yeah, sorry, I let myself in.”

“It’s fine, I should’ve guessed you would.” He smiles.

“I still like that shirt,” you smile back.

“Thank you.” He leans in to kiss your cheek. “You look… amazing.”

You glance around. “Tried to do a quick clean up?” You tease.

“You can tell?”

“I know your tells.” You laugh, pointing toward a small pile of stuff on a shelf that doesn’t belong. Cal feels even more nervous as he sheepishly shrugs. “It’s why we usually hired someone to come in, we both do shit like that.” You chuckle and Cal relaxes, letting out a small giggle.

Cal orders dinner, pours you a glass of wine and the two of you sit on the couch and start discussing the upcoming trip, laughing about the shenanigans that you’ve experienced on past group vacations.

He grabs his MacBook so you guys can start looking things over and pricing them out. He can’t help but stare at you while you make decisions between hotels and AirBnBs, lake versus ocean, the kind of nightlife you want available in balance with daytime activities.

He loves you like this, totally in your element and getting excited about something. He watches your eyes light up when something catches your attention. Without much thought he rests his hand on your thigh and his heart skips a beat for a moment while you kind of stare at it. You rest your hand on top of his and wrap your fingers around his, giving it a little squeeze.

He moves in a little closer and rests his chin on your shoulder so he can see what you're so fascinated with. He feels you hold your breath and considers what that might mean. He hopes you miss him because he definitely misses you. He’s thought about you everyday for months.

He relaxes when you finally breathe. You squeeze his hand again and Cal pulls his chin off your shoulder so you can turn your head to look at him. He sees the questions in your eyes but he seizes the opportunity and gently pushes the hair off your face. He tucks his fingers under your chin to pull you in for a kiss. You’re hesitant at first and slowly kiss back but he waits you out until you melt into him. But when his hand slips into your hair, you pull back.

He knows immediately that you’re upset. Your nostrils flare and you huff out a breath.

“What? Did I read that wrong?”

“No… but we can’t do this. We’ve made promises to our friends, the bride and groom, that we’d be chill and not complicate this.”

Cal nods. “It’s complicated whether they want it to be or not, babe. Because at the end of the day we’re not done… or at least, I don’t think we are. And it’s my goal to get back to you and be good enough for you.”

“Calum.” You sigh. “You are good enough for me… we just… need to work on ourselves a bit.” You shrug. “Figure out how we work together now… in the beginning we did all our growing together and then things really started taking off for you guys so we started growing more separate than together. And now… well,  we have to figure ourselves out before we try to jam the pieces back together.”

“But you want to get back together?” He clarifies.

“Yes…. No? …Maybe? You’re all I’ve known for four years... What am I supposed to do, stop wanting you all together? Stop loving you? I don’t think that’s possible.”

“It’s my goal to get back to you.” He reiterates, grabbing your hand, gently rubbing his thumb across the skin.

Your eyes soften as they meet his and you cup his cheek. “I want nothing more but I don’t want to rush it… and I don’t want it to get in the way of what we’re doing for Lyric and Ash.”

Cal chews his lip. He wants to argue and have this out now. He wants his life to go back to normal and to have you back home with him. He misses your laugh, your smell, and your little whines. He misses the way you take up space in his bed and the way you touch him. Your presence was beyond reassuring for him. You know his soul.

But you’re headstrong, stubborn, and loyal to a fault. There’s no way you’re gonna let this go that easily. So he decides to wait.

———————

Cal wraps his arm around your waist as you all head toward the next bar. Ashton and Lyric are already heading back to the hotel, anticipating the following island day being hot and exhausting. With the guests of honor gone, you and Cal both feel the shared responsibility to take care of everyone.

“Can I buy you a drink?” Cal asks.

“Please, no,” you laugh. “I want to enjoy tomorrow and if I get drunk tonight I’m going to be miserable.”

“Water it is.”

“Hey, you don’t have to join me.”

“And leave you to wrangle slutty, drunk Luke? I don’t think so.”

Luke does get drunk and everyone gets easily annoyed. Once that happens, the night quickly ends. Cal gets in a car with half the people and sends you off with the other half in a separate car. You see people onto the elevator and get them going to their respective floors and you wait for Cal in the lobby. You're not sure why… but with as much time as you’ve spent with him lately, it just felt right.

“Hey,” he greets, ushering people, including you, onto the elevator. He asks you quietly, “You wanna stay up with me?”

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

Once everyone is safely in their rooms, Cal walks you to his, just three doors down from yours. He lets you in, turns on a lamp and leads you out to the balcony. “Tonight was… wild,” he laughs.

“Uh… yeah… can you imagine us all being on a boat, stuck on an island tomorrow?”

He smiles over at you. “Oh no… this was a bad idea…”

“Well… it’s what the bride and groom wanted,” you shrug, biting your lip.

Cal reaches over and pushes the hair off your face, putting the two of you in yet another trance. He gently cups your chin and then his lips are on yours. He pulls you in, tight against his chest, and deepens the kiss. You let him.

He still makes all the right moves, just like his timing and curious hands were made only for your body. It’s easy for you to melt into him - it’s familiar yet it’s been long enough that it almost feels new.

You push against his chest and he immediately pulls back. He rushes out, “Shit, I’m so sorry… it’s just…”

“Fine… it’s fine… just let me get my bearings for a second.” You hum, smiling at him, grabbing onto his arms so he won’t pull away. You take a deep breath as you look at Calum and then you’re on your toes, kissing him again. His hands slide down to your ass; he squeezes and picks you up, your legs wrap around his waist and he moves you both to the bed. You remember how being with him like this was one of the greatest feelings in the world. And it’s feeling like that still proves to be true.

He looks focused as he gently yanks the shorts you’re wearing off your hips. His eyebrows knit together as his eyes find yours. You reach and cup his chin, nodding to let him know it’s OK. “I’ve missed the way you taste,” he murmurs.

“I’ve missed this.”

His eyes are back on yours. “Me too, Darlin’,” he hums. “C’mere.” He pulls you up for another kiss and this time the two of you peel the rest of the clothing off each other. When Cal’s shirt comes off, you take a moment to admire him and the tattoos, appreciating the new ones and how his body has been responding to working out. He chuckles, “Get a good look, little one?”

“Sorry,” you say, blushing. “Been a minute since I’ve seen anyone naked, let alone you and this bod I've always loved.”

“Ash is looking great naked… ya know, Luke’s been looking good too,” he jokes and you know it’s to make you feel better and also to answer a question you were afraid to ask. “But you? Gorgeous as always.” You blush harder and Cal leans in to kiss your cheek. “I always felt so lucky to be the man that got to see you like this… and what’s coming next.”

He scoops his arm around your back and repositions you on the bed, making room for him to lay on his stomach between your legs. He takes his time kissing on your thighs, his thumbs slowly pulling your lips apart, and you shudder when his hot breath hits your sensitive skin. You sigh, “Please, handsome.”

“Relax for me… it’s me, babe. We’ve been here,” he reminds you.

And it does seem to help: your legs relax over his shoulders and your fingers thread into his hair. “Yeah,” you nod.

“I know it’s been awhile, love. For me too. We can take this slow,” he promises.

His tongue almost feels foreign as it slicks through your folds. You used to know what to anticipate but it seems it’s either been too long or you're too keyed up because when his lips wrap around your clit to suck, you see stars and your body tenses in an almost painful way. Cal pulls off, letting his tongue caress over your clit while his hands try to comfort you and coax you into relaxing.

He changes his technique after seeing that it’s clearly too much for you. He switches over to the technique where he basically just makes out with your pussy. It’s still unmistakably intimate but not quite as intense. Your body relaxes into his embrace, thankful to be with someone who knows you so well. Not that you’ve even thought about being with anyone since Cal.

You look down at him and see he’s looking up at you. Your breathing picks up at the sight - you get lost in his warm, brown eyes. Your fingers tighten in his hair and he tightens his grip on you, keeping you close and anchored to him.

“Oh… Caaaal,” you moan, back arching off the bed.

“That’s my girl,” he coos.

You know he loves when you’re vocal and you can’t help but chant his name. Stringing it out like a melody, decorated with the occasional “fuck” and “please, baby”. Calum’s tongue presses into your entrance and you tense up, orgasm sneaking up on you. He licks you through it and then kisses up your belly to your mouth, and the resulting kiss you share is so slow yet needy. You pull him against you, needing to feel the weight of him and his familiar warmth.

“You want more?” He asks, pushing himself up to get a look at you. And you know just from looking at him that he’s prepared to give you anything you want.

You nod, biting your lip, “Want you.”

He nods, “Want you too.” He thinks for a minute. “I don’t have any condoms… I wasn’t expecting to…”

“I still have my IUD… it’s OK.” You rub your hands over his chest.

“Baby…” he starts.

“I mean it, Calum, it’s OK, we still can,” you reassure him.

He seems to think on it a little longer. “OK… but…” He rolls the two of you onto your sides, facing each other, pulling your leg so your thigh is over his hip. “Like this.”

He’s so hard. You can feel his stiff cock between your bodies but he doesn’t seem to be in any sort of rush. He’s letting his fingers trail over your skin all while he captures your lips in a slow, passionate kiss. His lips move down to your neck as he gently palms your breasts, tweaking your nipples. You trail your hand down his stomach, wondering if he’s waiting for you to take the lead.

“It’s been 8 months, love, and a long ass tour, let me take my time,” he insists, and you can’t help but let him. He gropes your ass and pulls you impossibly close before checking in. “You ready?”

You nod, bracing yourself. He pushes his head in, stopping to gauge your reaction. You bite your lip but keep eye contact and he gives you a few shallow thrusts, causing you to moan.

He slides all the way in and then stops, letting each of you adjust. He tilts your chin up for a kiss. “Still feels like you’re made for me,” he groans.

“Yeah… yeah… feels good,” you moan, nodding at him.

Calum kisses you softly, which is fine because you want to remember every second of this; the way he feels and all his sounds, the way his chest moves as he starts to breathe heavier, thrusting into you like he’s trying to savor the way it feels as well.

He cums first, squeezing your ass tight as he holds you on him, moaning out for you.

You barely have time to fully comprehend him pulling out before he’s pushing two fingers in to finish you off. Always a gentleman in bed. It didn’t matter though, all you really wanted was to be close to him again.

Your second orgasm causes your body to shake and it seems Cal anticipates that, squeezing you tight to his body before pulling his fingers out. He rocks you, whispering, “I’ve got you,” like a mantra, like if he says it enough, he’ll convince you both it’s true for more than this moment.

After a quick bathroom break to clean up, the two of you are back in bed. Cal’s on his back and you’re laying with your arms crossed over his stomach and chest, head resting on top looking at him. The sheet covers your naked lower halves. Cal’s fingers draw patterns into your skin as he tells you funny stories from tour.

You both quiet down from a fit of giggles and his tone turns serious. “Can I ask you something? Probably gonna be tough to discuss,” he admits. You nod, noting it’s 4AM and you both need to be down at breakfast in four hours. He checks the clock too and shrugs, “Maybe we should sleep.” You gently pinch him so he knows to ask his question. He goes for it. “Do you think, if I’d have come home on time that night, we’d still be together?”

You don’t know why you were expecting anything but that question. You sigh, “Honestly? No. I think if you’d come home on time it just would have prolonged it a little bit? Like if it wasn’t then then it would have probably been in the next couple weeks. I don’t think we’d have made it through tour.” He takes a deep breath and you watch him. That wasn’t the answer he expected. “I think we needed it, honestly. Like, I’m to blame too. And I wanted it to be all your fault. I never would have admitted that.”

“What do you mean?” He asks, flattening his hand on your back to rub it.

“I knew where you were. If I really wanted to spend time with you, I could have texted you and come to the studio, like the other girls do. I could have made time to be with you too, instead of expecting you to do it all. I think part of me just wanted to see you put me first, which was dumb. I knew from the day we met that music would always be your number one and I operated fine knowing that. But the times I forgot that or wanted something different, that’s when I stopped being a good partner to you. Do I think that you could have come home on time? Absolutely. But it just furthers my point that we’re both to blame. We both stopped prioritizing each other where we used to. I needed to be away from you to know that,” you say quietly.

“You’ve thought about this. A lot.”

“I’ve had plenty of time to, in case we ever had this exact conversation. Never really saw it happening like this, though,” you chuckle.

“Are you gonna regret this?” He chews his lip, which tells you he’s now feeling insecure about having done this with you.

You give him a soft smile and lean up to kiss him, cupping his face.“No. It’s always worth it to be the center of your world for a minute.” You make it sound definite so he doesn’t keep worrying about it.

“Last thing and we can move on, I swear... d’you think you’re ready to get back together?”

You don’t hesitate to answer. “It’s a conversation I’m more than open to having. You?”

“Of course… I’ve been thinking about nobody but you for 8 months. How we both cried and I held you and how if something hurt so bad, how could it be right? Wondering if the pain was the right thing.” He gently pets your hair. “How hurt you looked both that night and in the morning. But then I always think... ‘Is it just because I was comfortable? Do I really want you or will a series of warm bodies do?’ And I always, always came back to you. No one’s ever gonna compare to you. You hit this very high standard thanks to my mom and Mali. A world tour away, not having you to call when I needed someone…”

“You could have called anyone,” you point out lightly.

“Oh I did, called half the people in my contacts at some point during tour but you’re the only one I actually wanted or needed to hear from. And I didn’t. And I couldn't ask that of you because I knew how’d it’d live with you.” He sighs. “So suffice it to say, yes, I have thought about getting back together and getting you back is very high on my list of things to do. But I think it’s gonna take more than a night together. We obviously need to talk through some things…”

You put your hand over his mouth so he’ll stop talking and you shift so you’re on your knees, face to face with him, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. “Bubba,” you softly say, running your hand through his curls. “Let’s make it through this wedding. None of the spotlight should be taken from Lyric and Ash. Then we can talk about it.”

Cal pulls you into another kiss. “Does that mean this can’t happen anymore?”

“I think we should feel it out, like we did tonight. I don’t want to put any more pressure on either of us.” You lay back down next to him, your head sharing his pillow.

He turns his head and cups your face for a kiss. “You’re welcome in my bed whenever you want. Here or back home.” He watches your eyes, making sure you understand the depth of his invitation. You give him a little nod and a barely whispered ‘OK’ before sharing another gentle kiss, allowing you to relish in the very distinct feeling of his lips on yours.

The topic is changed and you and Cal cuddle in further together, giggling and talking until the sun comes up, when you both declare you need the 45 minutes of sleep before you have to get ready for the day. You curl into him and he wraps around you protectively.

[nev3rfound]

the other widow : b.b

natasha may have left what she once knew behind when she became an avenger, but there is still so much more to learn about her sister who escaped the red room with the help of a certain metal armed soldier. (3k)

masterlist / permanent taglist / etsy shop - requests open!

requested: yes! this has been a long awaited idea from @ateliefloresdaprimavera i hope you like it love :) warnings: mentions of violence, blood, nightmares. obviously, I haven't seen the black widow movie so this is just my interpretation!

(everything on my blog is my own writing. if it is shared on another page or website without being credited, it has not been approved to be shared by me. all rights reserved.)

In another life, things might've been different for you. Perhaps, you could have left your home country and followed many your age in their quest to find a better life in America or Europe. You might have met someone, a kind man who took care of you, who loved you deeply.

That would have been nice, in another lifetime. But it wasn't reality, at least, not yours.

Your reality was living in a world plagued by nightmares, of what was done to you for many years. It hurt to blink as you saw yourself, lying back on that table as Doctors crowded around you, muttering about the success of their work.

"No, she's still out there," Your ears perk up at the conversation behind you. The kitchen window remains open whilst you sit outside, tugging at the rose petals from the rose bush. It always was too pretty. Pretty things aren't designed to last for long.

Melina sighs heavily into her phone, glancing away from the window. "What do you expect me to do? She doesn't go anywhere." Disappointment laces her tone combined with the tiredness of her mind. She's been trying for months to encourage you to go out, further than the land you live on.

Faintly you can hear the other end of the conversation, Melina always had a habit of keeping her phone on speaker. "I might visit soon." That is all you managed to hear, but it was enough for you to drop the remainder of the rose and crush the petals beneath your feet.

"Oh good, you're awake." A pair of gloves snap against his wrists, causing you to flinch in your seat. "Now, Y/n, there's no point trying to struggle, you know what happened last time." Doctor Yeznik reminds you with a twisted smile, waiting for you to nod.

"They deserved it." You dare to mutter, only to hear Yeznik chuckle before he turns back to face you, gripping your face in his hand.

"And you deserve this." He seethes, stabbing a needle into your arm before you can fight back. "No one is coming to save you, Y/n, never forget that." Yeznik whispers, watching as your eyes begin to droop until you're unable to fight the urge to sleep.

Rising to your feet, you can feel a smile ghost your lips at the sight of a Blue Tit perching on the edge of the birdbath. One of his wings isn't quite right, and as you approach it, it remains perfectly still.

Holding your hands out, you ignore the scars from the restraints still marking your wrists and forearms. "I won't hurt you," You tell the bird as it dips its head into the water, shaking the excess off. "I can help you, little one." You add quietly, only to watch the bird retreat and fly away uneasily.

"There's always next time." Melina calls out from the doorway, her arms crossed over her chest.

"Yeah," You nod, lowering your arms and bury your hands into your pockets. "if it makes it through the night without being able to fly far."

Entering the kitchen, you pass Alexei in silence, despite him turning his head to speak up.

Once out of sight, Alexei averts his attention to Melina who simply shakes her head. "She's still working on recovering." Melina sighs, taking a seat opposite the broad man. "The, the red room got worse after Natasha escaped."

"You don't have to explain," Alexei waves her off, aware of you standing at the top of the stairs, listening in due to the creak of the floorboards. "it'll take time."

"I just don't know if that's something we have." Melina comments, passing a burner phone to Alexei with a text message on display.

Shifting in his seat, Alexei looks back at Melina before crushing the phone in his grasp. "We'll do what we can." He mutters before silence ensues and the pressure from the floorboard beneath your feet eases as you return to your needed solitude.

*

Opening your eyes, you knew something was off, something was different within the house.

Underneath your pillow, you grab ahold of your gun before traipsing out from your room which remains in permanent darkness.

As you exit your bedroom, light tries to seep through the gap in the door but you quietly close it, keeping the darkness concealed from the light.

Avoiding any creaking floorboards, you keep your gun aimed at all times before the faint sound of laughter catches your attention from downstairs. It was a rarity to hear anything joyous in the household, mostly arguments occurred or stories of fights Alexei shares that you can recite from memory if you were ever asked.

But this was different, something lighthearted shared for a brief moment before you turn the corner and hover by the kitchen doorway seeing all the seats taken at the table, Melina's now taken by a redhead.

"This is a surprise." You speak up, placing your gun on the counter, now catching everyone's attention.

Smiling to Yelena, Natasha quickly turns around in her chair, leaning her arm over the back. "Hey sis," She greets you, her accent replaced by an American version. "long time no see, huh?"

Everyone in the room remains still, waiting for you to make the first move like a scared animal. You'll either scarper or approach with caution, and even at that moment, you're unsure which route you'll take.

"What brings you back here?" You ask, crossing your arms over your chest as you remain standing, despite Alexei rising to his feet and offering you his chair.

"There's some unfinished business I have to deal with." Natasha states, and Yelena motions for you to come closer whilst Natasha has her back turned.

"And we're being dragged into it somehow?" You're quick to comment, remembering the last time it happened which resulted in your previous home being burnt to the ground and Natasha vanishing into thin air once more.

Rising to her feet, Natasha walks over to the doorway leading into the garden. She doesn't wait for you to follow, but she knows eventually you will.

"She means well, Y/n." Yelena tells you whilst playing with a knife, jabbing it against the table despite Melina swatting it away.

Humming to yourself, you force your feet forward until you're outside, listening to the peaceful presence of nature.

Whilst you're in your own world temporarily, Natasha can't help but take the opportunity to observe you, notice the changes since she last saw you. Melina explained the nightmares you've been having of late, how you wake up clawing at your own skin until it bleeds and you clutching onto a pillow, tearing into the cotton with ease as you sob.

You look visibly drained, that much Natasha can tell. She knew she should've brought you with her, away to America the last time she was here, but there wasn't enough time. She watched you from afar as the building fell into itself, devoured by the flames and you looking around for your sister, nowhere to be seen.

"There's a little blue tit who visits daily now," You begin to explain, opening your eyes as they remain trained on the empty birdbath. "he's got a damaged wing, can't fly very far but he always visits." Moving closer to the bath, you can see the reflection of other birds flying above in groups. One or two flies further back from the others, flapping their wings in desperation to not be left behind; something you know all too well.

As your hands rest on the birdbath, Natasha can see the scars across your skin clearly.

"Y/n, I never got a chance to apologise last time I was here," Natasha begins, stepping closer toward you, yet you seem oblivious to her words.

"And I hope at some point he'll let me help him, mend him back to his best so he can fly away." Your lips rise for a second at the thought before returning to a straight line, now allowing yourself to process Natasha's statement. "You don't need to apologise, Nat."

"But I do, Y/n." Natasha urges as she resists reaching out for your hand, knowing no one touches you anymore unless they dare risk a broken bone or two. "I should've found you in there and taken you with me. You were still a child, I,"

"I don't blame you, sister." Turning to face her, you force yourself to smile, an attempt to reassure her as she frowns deeply. "The only person I blame for everything is Yeznik." You can't help but shudder, hearing his voice in the back of your mind, one of the many who taunts you in your sleep.

"That's why I'm here." Natasha states.

You can't stop the scoff from leaving your lips. "You can't be serious, Natasha." Yet, you watch your sister nod immediately. "Do you want to get yourself killed?"

"I could ask you the same thing." She retorts, catching you off guard. "Don't think I don't know about the truth behind your escape, Y/n."

"What are you talking about?" You question, knowing better than to confess to your sister of all people. "I escaped that hell hole on my own. Killed several guards in the process and escaped with nine bullet wounds." You remind her, lifting your shirt to show the bullet wound scars that never properly healed.

"But you didn't escape from the Red Room. You escaped during a mission." She explains, watching your expression falter for half a second, but it was enough for her to know you're lying.

Shaking your head, you back away toward the small hutch hidden beneath an oak tree that currently houses three rabbits.

"That is preposterous, even for me, Natasha." You chuckle, opening the hutch and reach for the number one who happily hops out and stands beside you.

Looking away from you, Natasha can see the three others watching closely from the kitchen window. She can see Yelena mouthing something, but rolls her eyes when Natasha shakes her head.

"The Winter Soldier." Yelena marches over, causing you to tense up and the rabbit hops back into the hutch as you gently lock it once more. "Remember him, Y/n?"

"His name is Bucky." You mutter under your breath before slowly standing up. "And don't you dare talk about him." You spit at Yelena who spares Natasha a look.

"You helped each other escape, didn't you?" Natasha pushes her question, and this time to her surprise you don't object.

"Follow me," You sigh, walking around the garden to a set of stairs, leading you to the rooftop filled with trees and plants.

Admiring the greenery, Natasha hesitantly follows behind you.

"You going to stand there all day or sit down?" Raising a brow to Natasha, she breathes out a laugh and sits down on one of the seats dotted around that isn't taken by a plant.

"Are you going to tell me what happened?" Natasha leans forward, resting her forearms on her thighs and you mirror her action.

"Yes." You mutter. "But I can't remember everything it, part of it I blocked out." You admit, feeling your leg already beginning to shake beneath you.

"You will be accompanied this time, Y/n." Your tutor, Ms Ivanov tugs on your ponytail forcefully whilst you remain seated.

"I don't need company." Tugging your head forward, her fingers fall through the ends of your hair and she hums in response. "I'm capable of this myself."

Ms Ivanov chuckles under her breath before standing in front of your desk, resting her hands on the sides as her eyes fixate on yours. "That might be so, but not this time." Pushing her hands from your desk, Ivanov nods to the closed door.

Within seconds someone is forced through the metal frame with a bag covering their face. They're of a large build, but your eyes widen at the sight of metal making up their left arm.

"Is it?" Your question leaves your lips before you've fully thought about what this means, and Ivanov smirks.

Stepping toward the concealed figure, she tugs the sheet from their face, revealing a mass of brown hair.

He lifts his head up and stares at you immediately those pensive blue eyes you've heard whispers of. He fights against his restraints as two guards stand behind him with loaded guns.

"There will be plenty of time for that, soldat." Ivanov laughs, patting his metal arm. "Now, Y/n. It's time to go."

*

"I don't know what happened on that mission. But when I woke up, I, I was free." Unable to look at your sister, your focus lies on the breeze weaving through the branches of the trees.

Natasha leans forward, wishing she could tell you everything she knew. "You saved each other, Y/n." She speaks up, remembering the last time she saw him, a broken shell of the man he once was, his demeanour mirroring yours.

"I guess," You shrug. "but after everything, I, I have no idea what happened to him. I, I don't even know if he's still," Pursing your lips, the word never leaves as you curl your arms toward your stomach.

Looking toward the others, Natasha sighs at their disapproving glares. She knows they mean well, that they are practically family. But you're the only true blood family Natasha has left, and she can't lie to you anymore, not this time.

Standing in Wakanda, Bucky smiled truly for the first time in years. He was no longer plagued by the fear of becoming the Winter Soldier. He was finally free of it all.

But he still had a long way to go, to make amends for those he hurt, and amongst everyone, there was you. His Black Widow, Y/n.

"Hey, Barnes." Natasha stands beside him, looking out at the vast farmland that surrounds them. She can't help but think how much you would love to be somewhere like this, somewhere that is peaceful, tranquil.

"Hello, Natasha." Bucky turns to face the redhead, having not spoken to her since he was under Zemo's control. "I erm, I would like to apologise for everything I did, and for hurting you all those years ago." Bucky explains, and Natasha patiently listens, allowing him to get his full speech out. "And for what they made me do in," Furrowing his brows together, Natasha clears her throat.

"We don't have to talk about that." She tells him as she reaches into her pocket, taking out a folded piece of paper, well worn. "I wanted to ask you something before anyone knows where I am."

"Okay?" Bucky answers uneasily, tugging on the cloth that covers the remainder of his left shoulder.

Unfolding the piece of paper, Bucky can see a glimpse of a black and white photo.

"Here," Natasha holds the photograph out, face down to Bucky who hesitantly accepts. She watches intently as he turns the photograph over and can't help but smile as his breath hitches in his throat.

"Y/n." Bucky looks up to Natasha who simply nods.

"I was wondering if you'd remember her." Natasha crosses her arms over her chest, trying to hide the smirk forming on her face and amusement in her tone.

A playful scoff leaves Bucky's lips. "How could I forget her?" He thinks aloud. "I could never forget the person who helped me escape, who, who," 'Helped me realise I'm still human despite everything I've done.' Bucky thinks to himself, remembering the night before he left you as you lay in his arms whilst he listened to your soft reassurances. "Do you know where she is?" He tries to hide the hope in his voice, but it's useless.

"Yes." Natasha answers. "Y/n Romanoff." She states, and Bucky stares blankly at Natasha for a moment, before a light laugh leaves his lips.

"I shoulda known." He sighs dramatically. "Makes a lot of sense now." Bucky mutters, but Natasha doesn't pry. "Is, is she with you?" He glances past her, toward the jet she came on, but Natasha shakes her head.

"She's safe, in Russia." Natasha explains as she walks alongside Bucky toward the lake. "But she prefers the company of animals over people these days."

"Makes two of us then." Bucky comments. "I, I promised I'd find her." Allowing his mind to drift as the lake ripples, Bucky pictures your sleeping form in his arms minutes before he left you. He whispered you a promise, one he has yet to fulfil.

"Then let me help you keep that promise." Natasha places her hand on his arm gently, and Bucky snaps out from his thoughts. "I know you're still healing, and she is too. But I'll come back, Barnes."

Bucky nods. "Thank you, Natasha."

"James Barnes," Natasha slowly interrupts your prolonged silence. "is still alive, he, he's healing, but he remembers you, Y/n."

You reach out and take Natasha's hand in yours. For a moment, you simply stare, void of emotion before tightening your grip, beginning to crush her fingers whilst Natasha remains stoic.

"Don't lie to me, Nat." You tell her, keeping your eyes locked on hers.

"I'm not lying, Y/n." She responds, ignoring the pain you're inflicting before your grip begins to ease, but she doesn't pull away immediately. "He made you a promise, didn't he?"

"I, I don't know." You admit sadly, looking down at your lap, faintly hearing his voice in the back of your mind fighting through the horrid memories engrained there from the red room.

"He did, Y/n." Natasha asserts herself. "Would you like to see him?"

"I think so." You answer honestly as you uncurl your body and sit upright. "But only once this is over. Once Yeznik is gone. I don't want to be haunted anymore, Nat."

This time, Natasha extends her hand, taking yours in hers delicately.

"Okay, sis." She breathes out, helping you to your feet. "Let's get started."

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[bellasgreensweater]

✨Why I Think Bella Swan Is On The Autism Spectrum ✨

In this post I’m going to talk about why I personally believe that Bella Swan is autistic. As an autistic person myself, I really relate to Bella and I see a lot of autistic traits in her.

Disclaimer: This is just a headcanon- I don’t think Stephenie Meyer intentionally wrote Bella as autistic, and she or the movie producers never confirmed it, so I’m not saying to everyone that she is CONFIRMED to be autistic and that every one has to see her that way, I’m just saying that I personally think she is, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Autistic people hardly have any representation in the media, and with the representation that we do have, it is almost always stereotypical, inaccurate and offensive. You do not have to agree with me on this, but just please be respectful in the comments and don’t hate :)

Ok let’s go:

1. She always felt different from everyone/she felt like nobody truly understood her and that she never really understood anyone either: this is what basically all autistic people feel, myself included. Feeling like nobody understands the way your brain works and the way you see the world. (And this is true, because autistic people do see the world differently than non- autistic people and autistic peoples brains are wired differently from non- autistic brains). Bella mentions this multiple times in the books and movies, at one point in the first book in the car with Edward, she tells him that she thinks he can’t read her mind because they’re a probably a glitch in her brain and that it’s not like other people’s. There is also this quote from the 1st chapter of twilight which sums up how she feels: “ Facing my pallid reflection in the mirror, I was forced to admit that I was lying to myself. It wasn’t just physically that I’d never fit in. And if I couldn’t find a niche in a school with three thousand people, what were my chances here? I didn’t relate well to people my age. Maybe the truth was that I didn’t relate well to people, period. Even my mother, who I was closer to than anyone else on the planet, was never in harmony with me, never on exactly the same page. Sometimes I wondered if I was seeing the same things through my eyes that the rest of the world was seeing through theirs. Maybe there was a glitch in my brain”.

2. Her motor skills: She’s constantly tripping over her own feet, has bad balance, doesn’t realize that she’s walking into things, constantly dropping things ect, a common thing for autistic people is to have poor motor skills and find it hard to navigate their body.

Another disclaimer about autism: not ever autistic person is the exact same, every autistic person expresses their autism in a slightly different way, for example, some autistic people are overly sensitive to sound, and some are under-sensitive to it, these are just the specific things I’ve noticed for Bella in this post, it’s not supposed to be a generalization of autism in any way! :)

3. Social disinterest and difficultly: all throughout her childhood and her time in forks, she wasn’t very interested in making friends or hanging out or going to parties, and she found that she could never make friends with someone easily, she just never fully clicked with someone. She did have some very nice friends in forks, however she never related to them too well or was very attached to them.

4. Dresses for comfort and not fashion: Bella typically dresses in what feels most comfortable for her, not what is the most fashionable thing, this is a common thing with autism. A lot of autistic people like myself are quite sensitive to clothing and fabric and will not tolerate uncomfortable clothing.

5. Limited interests/special interests: Bella doesn’t really have many interests, but the ones she does have, she’s very passionate about. A special interest is an autism-specific term used to describe interests and hobbies that autistic people have that are very important to them. They help regulate emotions, calm people down, provide escapism ect. Autistic people can hyper fixate on these interests for hours and hours and not get bored, they can get so engrossed that they forget to do basic tasks to take care of themselves like drinking or going to the bathroom. These interests can last for years, sometimes a lifetime and they are very important to autistics. Bella swans special interests would be reading, wuthering heights, and vampires. Bella says in midnight sun that she has loved reading all her life and it is one of the few things that bring her intense joy. She said she could read for hours at a time and would try to sneak books into her lessons and read any chance she could get. Bella says that her favorite book is wuthering heights and she has read it so many times that it is beaten up beyond repair and the spine is so cracked that the book lays flat. This would clearly be her special interest. Her other special interest is clearly vampires.

6. Burnouts and meltdowns when Edward leaves: when Edward left in new moon, Bella obviously fell into a huge depression, but I also think she fell into an autistic burnout (if you don’t know what that is pls research or ask me cause this post is already too goddamn long). And in eclipse, when Edward leaves to go home in the afternoon or to go hunting, she can barely focus without him and gets very anxious (this is obviously because she loves him and is literally obsessed with him lol, but I also think it could be a meltdown from separation anxiety and also a change in routine (a lot of autistics get very upset when their usual routine is disrupted or changed))

7. Sensitive to sounds: In the book, often Bella cannot concentrate or fall asleep because of little sounds like the rain, sometimes it takes ages for her to sleep because the rain or tapping is too distracting. (This is a common autistic struggle).

8. Stims & facial twitches & stuttering: in the movie, she is constantly stuttering over her words, and her face and body twitches a lot. She also stims a lot in the book by playing with her hair or sleeves or the zip of her jacket, or her hands or edwards hands. She also covers some of her face with her hair, this could be to do with sensory overload, seeing too much in her field of vision may be overwhelming for her, like a lot of autistics.

9. Trouble expressing feelings/ thoughts: bella struggles a lot sometimes with communication and telling people how she feels. You can see this in her relationship with Charlie. They both love eachother very much but they never say it and when they do it comes out very awkward and sometimes they use the wrong words. You can also see this when she is hesitant to tell Edward in eclipse when she doesn’t want him to leave for the fight, it takes her ages to work up to telling someone how she feels. She also tends to be quite private. This is common for some autistics to feel.

10. Sensory experiences: bella loves the sun and heat, she says that she loves feeling the sun seep into her skin- a lot of autistics feel the sensory world very strongly and love certain sensations and detest others. When Bella moves to forks, she hates the sudden change in weather and gets anxious and upset at the feel of the cold, and the rain against her skin. This links back to my other point where I was talking about how autistics fear sudden changes in routine. Bella is very relieved when there’s a sunny day in forks and goes and sits outside, savouring the weather which reminds her of home.

11. Not too concerned with how she looks: obviously not every autistic person is like this, but quite a few autistics don’t really focus on how they look/present and what they wear. They don’t really know about the social norms and what other people wear so they do what they want. This is something I often see in Bella in the books especially.

12. More quiet/ reserved and socially withdrawn and awkward: this is basically self explanatory. Bella is very well known for this. I touch a bit more on this in point 3.

If you made it this far then thank you so much! This took a long ass time to write and I’ve been thinking of making this post for months. There are more things that make me headcanon her as autistic, but these are just from the top of my head. When I re-read the series (for like the 100th time lol) later this year, I’ll annotate the book so that I can update this post in the future with more supporting this).

Again this is just my opinion and my personal headcanon, it is not factual (but I’d obviously want it to be canon) so please no hate :)

If you have any more things to add on then please do!! I’d love to hear your thoughts!

[blueathens]

Speak Now Masterlist

Remember: I will be writing other fics along with these so just be patient with both, and some songs will take longer than other’s because of inspiration, so any help is much appreciated too. You can also suggest other people, but the ones above doesn’t mean I will add them to my general masterlist, they are just ones I’ll write for these songs.

Attention: All stories that I write is purely fanfiction and when I write about real people it is once again purely fiction. I don’t know them in real life and all my ideas are my own. Also please don’t steal my work. Thank you.

Warning: Don’t steal my work thank you! Also all summaries are subject to change :)

Masterlist

Mine - (Mason Mount) ↬ She’s scared of getting into a relationship due to her parents, but maybe he can change that.

Sparks Fly - (Jess Mariano) ↬ Y/n wanted a love like the ones she reads in the books, and Jess may be the only one who could offer that to her.

Back To December - (Daniel Ricciardo) ↬ The worst thing Y/n has ever done was what she done to Daniel, but she was never ready to apologise, afraid he wouldn’t forgive her, but she was ready now and hoped it wasn’t too late to apologise.

Speak Now - (James Potter) ↬ (Royalty AU!) James felt like he was about to explode into a beautiful firework as her hands creep up his stomach from beneath his shirt, “you got to stay quiet, pretty boy,” she utters and he nods knowingly - if they were caught both of them would be dead within seconds.’ (Links With Love Story)

Dear John - (John Stones) ↬ Y/n sits by herself in her room, writing a song about a relationship she regrets with a man who was a few years older than her. (Links with Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve)

Mean - (Christian Pulisic) ↬ Christian and Y/n never liked one another, always criticising one another about everything. Christian though always takes it too far.

If This Was A Movie - (Lando Norris ) ↬ Y/n wants Lando back, but loses him after he discovers that their relationship happened through a bet.

The Story Of Us - (Charles Leclerc) ↬ (AU!Harry Potter Universe) As if the universe hates her, it makes her bump into her ex everywhere she goes. She always leaves hastily and he watches with sad eyes whilst the crowds watches.

Never Grow Up - (Platonic!Dustin Henderson, ft Steve Harrington) ↬ Y/n was the one who raised Dustin but as he gets older it seems like he doesn’t need his sister as much as he did when he was younger.

Enchanted - (Mason Mount) ↬ ‘The top buttons of his white shirt was undone, and his hair was becoming a mess as she ran her fingers through them, scratching the top of his head and back of his neck as he held her closely and kissed her like the first time.’

Better Than Revenge - (Mason Mount) ↬ Y/n was with Mason until she came along.

Innocent - (Marcus Rashford) ↬ After an argument between the couple, they sit in different rooms thinking if this was the end of them.

Haunted - (Rúben Dias) ↬ Y/n awaits for the phone to ring to signify the end of her relationship with Rúben after he wants to focus on just football.

Last Kiss - (Charles Leclerc) ↬ Y/n went off to travel after her family fell apart, before she leaves she breaks up with Charles, but the kind-hearted (lovesick) boy still sent letters with pictures of everyone to keep her up to date about their lives whilst she was away.

Long Live - () ↬ To be written.

Timeless - (Charles Leclerc) ↬ (Part of My Charles’ Multiverse) It was as true as the fact that the sun will rise and fall every day, Charles and Y/n were simply made to find one another in every universe, every lifetime, and in every world. Whether that world consisted of him being a prince and her a common thief, or where they both hide under their masks in order to save the world, or where they’re trapped on an island together, or even where one is a teacher who falls for one of their student’s mum, or perhaps in a world where they are both detectives. In every parallel universe, Charles and Y/n were simply made to find one another and fall in love.

[arvinsescape]

Getting mobbed.

Summary: You get mobbed by the paparazzi and Tom and Harry come to the rescue.

Warnings: Swearing.

W/C: 1.6K

You made your way through the hotel, preparing yourselves to go out into the onslaught. Tom was set to do an awards show, and this usually meant an influx in paparazzi, which he hated. He loves his job and he loves his fans but the paparazzi could just be too much at times. The problem with events like this was that every member of the papz wanted the first picture, which usually left them very close and diminishing any concept of personal space. Tom had gotten used to it in a way, it still made him uncomfortable, but he was used to dealing with it.

You on the other, although you’d been with Tom for a while now, weren’t. The first time you ever dealt with it was hard, but you kept your head down and kept moving forward but you were new then. You always thought it would get easier the more accustomed people came to you being with Tom, but it didn’t. The papz having more and more questions for you each time they saw you. Are you pregnant? Are you engaged? It didn’t bother you as much anymore, but something felt off about tonight.

You looked out towards the front of the hotel and gasped, there were far more papz than usual and it didn’t sit well with you. All you had to do was make it to the car, which wasn’t a long way but there was a lot of people between point A and point B.

“There’s so many.” You said as you grabbed Tom’s bicep.

“I know, this movie is a big one.” He’d expected this, this was one of the biggest movies he’d starred in so far and of course the attention surrounding the film had meant that more people had turned up for his picture. He took your hand that was holding his bicep and kissed the back of it, easing your nerves slightly. “I can always get Harry to take you out the back, if you’d be more comfortable?” He suggested.

“No, I don’t think that’d look too good. The rumours would be a nightmare.” You sighed as you grasped his hand firmly, interlocking your fingers.

“You know I won’t let anything happen to you. I’ve got you.” He promised as he squeezed your hand. “And Harry is right behind you.” He reassured. You swallowed down your nerves as you nodded. He was right, you’d be okay, right?

You made your way out of the front of the hotel, Tom’s security fending off the first lot of paparazzi from getting too close but there were too many. Tom’s grip on your hand tightened and it felt like he was cutting off circulation, but in reality, he was making sure you were still with him. Harry was close behind you both.

It was all going pretty well considering until you felt someone much taller than Harry behind you. You’d been split up and although you knew Harry would be okay it made you nervous. The man behind you was shouting your names, any question that came to mind and you did your best to ignore it and continue to move forward. That was until he got a little too close to you, your figure being much smaller than his and you lost your footing. Trying to regain your composure meant you weren’t holding Tom’s hand quite as tight anymore.

You felt his hand leave yours and you panicked, and another man had now gotten in between you, then a couple more. You managed to keep yourself upright and you were now being pushed forward quicker than you could walk, it felt surreal. It was like an outer body experience, you were just kind of going along with it, just praying you’d make it too the car.

All of a sudden, a hand grasped your arm and pulled you out of the way causing a panic to rise in your chest and you felt tears well in your eyes. Two hands grabbed your shoulders and turned you around. It was Harry. Your nerves instantly calmed.

“You okay?” He asked panicked as he took in your state, checking for injuries. He didn’t find any.

“I’m okay, just a little overwhelmed.” You said.

“Are you hurt?”

“No, honestly I’m fine Harry.” You reassured.

“Okay, we should keep moving forward, here take my hand.” He said as he held your hand. Tom’s security had caught up by this point, one of them standing beside you.

“Where’s Tom?” He asked as he frantically looked for him.

“I’m not sure. We got split up.”

“I’m sorry but I have to go and find him. As much as I know he’ll kill me, I’m paid to make sure he’s okay first.” He smiled sadly and you laughed at that.

“Go. It’s fine. I’ve got Harry.” You said as you watched his security make their way through the crowd.

Your hand was still in Harry’s as you slowly made your way forward. The car wasn’t even that far away from the hotel, but it felt like a lifetime before you’d get there.

“You’re handling this quite well.” Harry suddenly pointed out.

“Gotta get used to it right? He’s only get bigger.” You said as more people moved past you, barging against your shoulder a little too rough.

“Oi!” Harry kept shouting as more people did it. Although you knew it wouldn’t leave any lasting damage, it was beginning to get sore. “Fuckin’ hell.” He grumbled as he grabbed your hand tighter and tried to move a little quicker.

You suddenly collided with someone’s back, stopping in the process. You looked at Harry and furrowed your brows in confusion, they’d suddenly stopped trying to move forward. Harry pulled you against his chest as he hugged you, the crowd of people seeming to take all breathing space away. All of a sudden, the man in front of you was moved to the side by a familiar looking member of security and Tom appeared.

He rushed over when he saw you, having a similar reaction to Harry, checking you for any injury. You laughed as he cradled your face, checking it over for any injury.

“I’m fine Tom.” You said as he finally calmed down, looking satisfied that you were, indeed, okay.

“Okay, we’re gonna try this a different way.” He said. “Thanks by the way bro.” He said as he clapped Harry’s shoulder, who waved him off in response, smiling. “Right come on.” He said as he took your hand. He moved you in front of him and placed your back against his chest. He slowly moved the two of you forward and kept his strong arms firmly wrapped around you. Harry had now placed himself in front of you and helped move the paparazzi out of the way.

“I’m sorry baby, I swear as soon as I felt your hand leave mine I shit myself.” He said into your ear. You kissed his bicep as you continued to move forward.

“It’s okay Tommy. Its just a bit more hectic then we’re used to.”

“Yeah, now I really know how RDJ feels.” He laughed softly into your ear before placing a kiss there.

The move towards the car was much easier, given your new position it would be extremely hard for anyone to get between the two of you now. You made it to the car and Tom gently pressed you against it for a moment as his security made room behind him. He opened the car door for you and carefully manoeuvred you into it.  You slid to other side as Tom followed you into the vehicle, Harry shortly joining.

Harry sighed as he took the seat opposite you and Tom. “Bloody hell.” He groaned.

“Yeah that was intense.” You laughed but you felt much better in the security of the car. Tom had shuffled closer to you wrapping his arm around your shoulder.

“I thought something had happened to you when I couldn’t feel your hand anymore. Gave me a heart attack.” He said as he kissed the top of your hand, smoothing your hair out for you.

“Nah, I had Harry. You should charge for your services.” You said as you pulled a laugh from the younger Holland.

“Yeah. I reckon I’m gonna bill him. Do you reckon I’d be able to charge more for looking after important goods?” He joked and you laughed.

“I should dam well hope so.” You said as Tom laughed.

“Name your price mate. It’s yours. In all seriousness though, thank you Harry.” Tom said sincerely.

“Anytime. You know you might be late putting a ring on it but she’s like a sister to me already.” He continued to joke.

“Noted.” Tom laughed and he took your hand in his, kissing the back of it.

“I don’t know why you haven’t already. You’re a fuckin’ sap for her.” Harry joked as he earned a punch from his brother.

“Just love her a lot.”

“Code for sap.”

“Piss off.” Tom snorted and they both laughed. “I’ll put a ring on it eventually, I promise.” He concluded with a soft smile in your direction and bringing your hand up to kiss the promise ring he’d given you a while back, the smile to which you returned. Harry fake gagged but he couldn’t help the warm smile that made its way onto his face at how happy and in love his brother was.