#i dont even know if he has fire powers i didnt read the books

[puropoly]

omens that are good

[fictionfixations]

masquerade malleus vignette

(spoilers for glorious masquerade)

aww

i refuse to believe lilia is oblivious enough not to notice that they dont like his cooking

..although solomon (from obey me) doesnt notice either iirc, but i mean..

..sebek. in a vignette, you literally got his help in cleaning a stain from malleus' labcoat???

...i never thought id hear azul say those words.... what?????

i dont know how it didnt hit me until now but the only reason rollo's plan in glorious masquerade failed was because he was so insistent on having malleus there and taking away all his power and shit?? like. cause. none of us had enough magic to actually overpower the fire lotuses(? i cant remember what they were called), although yuu would be able to make it through with no magic how could we even fight rollo at the end??

and at the point it reaches malleus and he could do something about it, it'd be too late?? because i REALLY doubt he has enough to reach all of those flowers and with enough to completely fry them out. and i doubt the bell would reach it by then.

silver...

is azul even human?? im like pretty sure-ish he's not human. not even half human. just entirely sea creature with a human-like body to probably be treated more normally and not hunted for sport/food through evolution shit idfk (like. idk im pretty sure its a thing where pets look so much cuter to cause us to take them in and shit.)

anyway im just imagining sebek talking azul's ear off about how great malleus is because he finally has a buddy who understands and therefore would be willing to listen to him talk for hours straight about malleus's greatness. AND APPRECIATE IT. HAUIHDSUIhd and azuls just like ………………….. floyd and jade laughing at him from a distance azul sets sebek on them like 'i think those two should come to learn about malleus's brilliance, don't you think? after all, as my colleagues, it is such a shame that they don't share my admiration for malleus, and i am unsure how to put it into words, as malleus himself is so magnificent that even words fail to describe him properly. so sebek, my fellow appreciator, would you lend me your aid in helping them grow to appreciate his brilliance?' okay i ran out of words and started repeating them because ic ant be bothered to look up for synonyms, im not THAT into it okay

ahhh so it is a fleur city song i wasnt sure. ive read in fics that it was, but it was also those fics where songs either have power, or yuu knows a bunch of disney songs that are considered 'forbidden/forgotten songs' or something like that and i cant remember which it was

actually if they put in all that work beforehand i think i get why they were so insistent on waiting for rollo to either confess or not AFTER the social ball and after they left and everything LMFAO

they suddenly changed into their school uniforms (still in diasomnia)

i honestly wouldnt know if id trust lilia that much but sure (i hope it doesnt turn to perfectionism levels tho)

first time we encounter italicized text i think. huh.

lmfao

oh my god (no but why choose idia at that point?? is it cuz his voice meshes well with them??)

ayoo its playing the make a wish (i think thats what the song is called) instrumental in the bg ive heard it way too many times not to recognize it (and sung along. its so fucking cool)

damn

my hands are actually protesting now ah geez (i took a break)

I GOT SO DISTRACTED BY DEUCE (i was re-experiencing enjoying looking at everyones costumes again) I AM AN IDIOT (its lower in opacity to show you that you're on it in the editor)

ooh

i didnt notice the insert paragraph im sorry lMFAO but id forget if i didnt SS it then

ooh some malleus riddle bonding

AH ITS A YUU JUMPSCARE

that seriously startled me like suddenly i just hear footsteps and then BOOM OPTIONS

ayooo malleus and yuu dancing

(alsoo yuu and deuce dancing :D)

WOOO

okay. now.

i feel like. im doing really good progress tackling all the vignettes (currently in EN. after that's GloMas, & Book 6 and 7. ive been avoiding it because not all of the Backgrounds exist, and GloMas has options with completely different dialogue which I can't see them all. i have three different videos of GloMas gameplay but they dont show all options...). all thats remaining is azul's tsumsitter (i have a vid of his vignette. ..i just dont like doing the tsum ones because i never know how to describe the tsum moving) vil birthday bloom (i FOUND A VIDEO finally oh my god. i love doing birthday vignettes) malleus dorm uniform (I have a vid) sebek new year (i have a vid) grim labcoat (i have a vid)

and then the rabbit costume ones which all of them have vignettes iirc and i have videos for all of them (i actually just found them as i was writing this. thank you god. they have no views tho geez. wonder if that means vil birthday bloom exists in a video but just wont appear. this is future me. ...i have been blessed with vil birthday bloom.)

[ghooostbaby]

i'm been too sleepy to read books these days so i must turn the razor beam of my weighty and emotionally intense analysis to the unsuspecting and unprepared xianxia drama love between fairy and devil

*spoilers*

i was in SO MUCH pain after xiao lanhua transformed into the goddess but then... it just felt so incongruous too. once she has all this power, just the same as dongfang qingcang, but they seperate themselves. and are this weird self-sacrificial power couple "i'm going to drain all my power and self-annihilate so you won't be harmed by the evil god" "no I'M going to drain all my power and self-annihilate so YOU won't be harmed by the evil god" ...

their satisfacton in life came from growing/being with the other so honestly you know that whichever one is "saved" would never be happy without the other so what's the point in deciding to secrerly kill yourself to let the other one live freely when they would only be miserable?? it also keeps creating doubts in they validity of their love ... because, frankly, choosing to lie to someone to kill yourself while preserving the life of the person you love/in love with you is just cruel and disrespectful!!

especially whats the point in keeping it a secret from them to make sure you accomplish your self-sacrifice when there's a chance if you both have this huge power now that you could actually work together?!

"i love this person soooo much i'm going to kill myself so they can live eternally alone"

there's also a lot about the last few episodes that is such pivotal plot stuff but is not really explained at all but the show just *waves hands* cGi MaGiC ~~

i dont really understand how tai sui took over dongfang qingcang's body ... unless dfqc was just overconfident that he could defeat him?

it doesnt exactly make sense, dongfang qingcang floating in the sky and just a lot of CGI flames and ok?? now dfcq is drifting away into mist but why?? he had all these new powers that came out of this confrontation, and now and orchid/goddess used her purifying power and the black lines on his body went away? lots of flashy colour swirls that show him being dissolved idk but it just feels so anticlimactic and ... not believable.

watching this i'm just seeing writers being like 'oh here's a chance for some SICK yet incomprehensible CGI fireballs!!' or 'here's a cliffhanger to make them watch more' not something that extends naturally from the story being told.

i feel like it would have been much more impressive to have dfcq stay after he and orchid defeated tai sui, the two of then burning away the black vapours and kissing passionately...

and there just didnt seem a clear justification why he was still destroyed despite getting his new nonhellfire-fire power and orchid using her goddess powers. it seemed like just forcing more pain to make it more intense. if they burned away tai sui together and just made out in dramatic cgi flame smoke light after they won against the ancient evil god i guarantee i won't just turn off the show for the last 10 minutes about how everything ends up!!

you dont have to shoehorn in pain to keep me watching. and it would have made the plot mirror the theme of love transforming people if they were trying to sacrifice themselves alone to save the other but instead they came together and defeated the evil god united

instead it was like grand story about the transformation of love until the last episode like, oh shit, should we shove some random cliches in here?? yeah! we totally should!!!

have you even HEARD of tolkein's theory of the defining moment of fantasy the ending where great sorrow is possible but it is transformed in a moment of joy, and that joy isn't demeaned for being "unrealistic", happy endings can feel real and true, more real than watching your lover disappear in a ball of cool CGI fire sometimes

and then the actual "happy ending" was so... disappointing. after dongfang qingcang disappears and turns into a lil moon (sweet (':) but then orchid says dfqc can't return and 500 years later the little moon hasn't changed. it goes through the montage of the others 500 years later and then little moon just pops up into a fully formed dongfang qingcang with equally little explanation

like oh ok that's fine, kiss now i guess. i give up

orchid/goddess's expression looks so sorrowful. she looks surprised but mostly just devastated ... i was waiting him to dissipate into mist at any point the way she was looking at him, it didn't seem happy at all. just.. grief.

which is the main reason i think i'm disappointed. it never feel like we got xiao lanhua back, who was the entire other half of the couple that we were cheering for. she seems so grim and hopeless, the way the goddess was pretending not to love dongfang qingcang to save the people and sacrifice herself and drains herself of all her joy, energy, and love. i would have liked to see her at the end showing some of the playfulness and sweetness of xiao lanhua. who is the person dongfang qingcang fell for in the first place. i think xiao lanhua wouldn't have said "dongfang qingcang can never return", even if it was impossible she would have been determined and hopeful and waiting for that day that it would happen anyway. even if it took tens of thousands of years

and... it just would have been a better story if they kissed away all the evil and triumped with the power of LOVE. i'm sorry, it's the truth!

[foundationsofdecaywastaken]

No one will care about this but i need to tell people. I have my own personal lost media that i am obsessed with but i am afraid no one else cares about it.

So when i was maybe 7 or 8 my mom bought me and my siblings a book with short horror stories for children. The stories had colored background pictures and the book came with a CD audio version of the stories. It was a pretty big book (i think dinA3 if i had to guess), hardcover and i remember the cover was red and had an illustration that belonged to one of the stories (i dont really remember, i think a story with a rollercoaster in it?? Really not sure).

Last year i started randomly remembering it and obsessing over it. I asked my grandma and my mother if they had any clue where the book is and we think we threw it away or gave it to charity not sure when i was about 14? I also could not for the live of me remember the name of it and googling vague descriptions did not grand me any answers so i kinda forgot about it again.

Fast forward to this year april/may, i start obsessing again. You must know i read this book nearly every day when i was younger! I was obsessed with the stories the pictures the acting in the audio versions maybe it is nostalgia maybe it was my child brain but those stories were in my opinion the gretest piece of subtle horror i have ever read. I vivdly remember some of the stories, sadly not all.

One story was about a boy who hated vacuuming but it was his duty to vacuum the house, after he finished doing so he wanted to turn off the vacuum, when it murmered “more” and wouldnt turn off. It started chanting louder “more” “more”. Even pulling the plug would not turn it off. The vacuum slowly started sucking everything in things, animals people. Turning the page the before beautifully illustrated paper turned into a blank page with only the vacuum on it trying to devour itself! Turning the page again you see everyone in the belly of the vacuum, everything is a mess and everyone is mad at the boy cor vacuuming! He didnt even want to do it!

To this day i hate vacuuming and every time i turn one on i think of this story!

And there are so manh more wonderful stories. About people living in ur radio, about a person vanishing in a still body of water, about a witches day, an old lady with a houndred cats and healing powers whos house catches on fire, about magic glasses that let you see dead people. Etc.

But the magic of those stories was that they didnt try to be scary, they made you wonder. Try to understand the impossible. Those stories werent happy or sad in themselves the protagonists rarely weighed their morality the reader was the sole person to judge what was happening and i loved that shit!!!!!

Well, i tried finding it again and low and behold after some time i finally remember the title, now side note i am german and the book was from a german publisher, so the original title was “gespenstische Geschichten” which i would roughly translate to “ghostly stories” i always thought it was called ghost stories or something like that, that was probably why i could not find anything on the internet!

Well now i have the title, shouldnt be too hard to find copies, second hand of find the publisher and get the book directly from them. And i find out the publisher is media arte based in Nuremberg, a city not far from where i live. I go on their webiste and what do i see? They sell the book! With cd recording and all the stories as hardcover for like 10€ or something? I buy it and wait ecitedly cor my package to arrive.

Well, three days later i get the email, roughly saying that they are sorry to inform me that they no longer print the book and dont have any copies of it anymore, and that they will send the money right back! What the heck! I was so sad but determined to get the book.

I go on ebay, and there is only one listing for the book. Seems serious enough, says it’s complete, comes with cds and all. great! I buy it! It arrives!

Omg it has the same cover as the old one, looks great, the cds look good as new! I look through the pages and the beautiful stories and old memories come floding back, stories i forgot existed. But wait, this wouldnt be a lost media if i just found the book, right?

Well. Turns out the book i had when i was younger mustve been a special edition, with more stories. I remember it being thicker than the one i just got in the mail. And there is at least one story missing. Remember the one about the vacuum i clearly remember? With the illustrations pictured in my mind? Well it’s not there. Not on the cd not in the book not in the table of contents no where! But this is the book i remember same art style same title same stories. But some stories must be missing!

And for the life of me i can not find the special edition with the vacuum story anywhere online. Not even a pdf copy of it, no traces, no one searching for it. So this is my cry into the void if you are german and remember the story i laid out or the title or the art and you have a copy of it pls i just need scans of the stories they are so dear to my heart i wanna relive the feelings i felt when i read the stories as a child.

[azrielsribbon]

!!! A COURT OF SILVER FLAME SPOILERS !!!

Alternatively, Asli finished the book in like six hours and has many, many thoughts.

ON THE TOPIC OF NESTA, SOME CASSIAN AND NESSIAN AS A WHOLE.

holy shit. this is a lot.

She has grown so much, and I mean that by the little things.

I love that sjm didn’t make it so she was addicted to the wine and sex

Okay I understand Nesta was frustrating sometimes because she really was stubborn but some of the shit Cassian said was really out of line. Especially when he screamed that no one like fucking liked her.

Cassian was down so bad this entire book and I knew that the moment he said he hadn’t bed a female in two years. He was STARVINGGG

Her determination in getting down those stairs, I probably wouldve tested myself down a window or something.

I liked how she bonded with the House. It was a refreshing, different take on loneliness and finding a friend.

The House and how it looked after her. It was the biggest thing in her journey.

One theme I see in Nesta a lot is self sabotage, especially when it means the safety of others. She’s ready to throw herself in front of them.

Her banter with Cassian was really nice to read.

WHEN SHE MENTIONED HAVING A THREESOME TWICE I DIED

Cassian and his backstory was rip. It was really sad thinking about how little kid Cass really regretted some of the things that even he couldn’t control.

sjm did not disappoint with inner thoughts. Those were really refreshing.

She wasn’t vividly jealous or furious at Mor and Cassian’s friendship and I really liked that take.

Cassian’s silent jealously when Helion tries to flirt with Nesta and she dodged it LMAOOO

When Cassian kisses her in front of their family to help her get out of the map

Her silent bond with Az! That kept me going honestly. He was a sly bastard sometimes.

Sometimes I really questioned somethings, like those fast smut scenes but that’s just my preference.

Her marching down to Amren’s after she finds out they voted against her having the weapons she Made

Not to mention how she told Feyre about the baby and the labor risk out of anger, that really hurt both of them and me.

When she stayed silent during her punishment hike with Cassian. Each thought tore me apart.

When he warned her about falling and she was glad he didn’t see the expression on her face. How she didn’t mind if she fell down and how it would better.

When she cried after all those days of silence and finally told him how she felt underneath all that.

He softened up fast too and blamed himself for not realizing all this time why she hated the fire.

Can we talk about that dancing scene with Eris? And how Cassian was secretly exploding on the side as he remembered her mother wanted her to marry a Prince just like Eris.

WHEN ERIS ASKED RHYS WHAT HE WANTED IN EXCHANGE FOR NESTA TO BE HIS BRIDE AFTER LIKE A COUPLE DANCED LMAOO

The Solstice scene had my heart. The gift Az got Nesta and how she hugged him after he told her about it. How Cassian smiled at the sight.

HOW CASS GOT HER A LITTLE MUSIC BOX RECORDED WITH THE MUSIC FROM THE BALLROOM AND HOW HE ASKED THE MUSICIANS TO PERFORM IT FOR HIM AFTER EVERYONE LEFT SO HE COULD GET IT FOR HERRRR

They really kept shit away from each other till it exploded in an argument and that’s a reoccurring theme with this book couple.

WHAT MADE ME SO FRUSTRATED WAS HOW HE WANTED TO STAY IN HER BED AFTER SEX AND SHE WANTED TO CUDDLE BUT THEY DIDNT SAY ANYTHING AND ASSUMED THE OTHER DIDNT WANT IT

The topic of mates was RUSHED. Like I mean really rushed. First they argue, he says shackled and then the next time they get to speak (after the forced Blood Rite and labor scene) they accept it? I dont know, it didn’t sit with me.

I wish Nesta would elaborate on why she didn’t believe in Mates even more and Cassian would actually listen for once. Again, rushed.

The ending was fast paced in my opinion. We could’ve really had more to go off of, I needed more domestic Nessian.

ON THE TOPIC OF NESTA, GWYN, EMERIE

I am obsessed with Gwyn, Emerie and their friendship with Nesta.

I love how Gwyn and Nesta started, both gritting their teeth and still appreciating that aspect of each other.

How Nesta raced to help her with a book even when their first encounter wasn’t the friendliest.

Gwyn being persistent in paying back her small debt. I love her.

When Gwyn applied to defense lessons after Nesta defended them from the scholar priestess.

Emerie, my homegirl. I love her to death. The way she easily befriends Nesta, how Nesta stands up for her when her cousin comes to bother her.

I don’t know if it was just me, but Emerie and Mor might possibly be something. Either good friends or interested lovers.

THE WAY EMERIE BONDED OVER SMUTTY NOVELS WITH THE OTHER GIRLS AND LET THEM BORROW HER STUFFFFFF

Gwyn helping Nesta with her research on Valkyries. Muah.

Gwyn and Az, I feel like something might happen here and if it does, I do not want any Elriel drama getting dragged in, MY GIRL GWYN HAS BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH OKAY

Gwyn thinking she doesn’t deserve the purity jewel the other priestesses wear and her backstory honestly just broke me. She endured so much.

Emerie and everything she lost. Her mother, her brother, her wings and any dreams she had of flying. How she distracts herself with work and gardening to keep that off her mind.

The way the girls all developed inside jokes, jokingly hanged up on Cassian at training and always had Nesta’s back.

The way they were dedicated to each other even during the Rite when they couldve let one another behind and won.

HER SISTERSSS I CRIED I WOULD DIE FOR THIS MF TRIOOOO

ON THE TOPIC OF THE INNER CIRCLE + THE ARCHERON PARENTS

Fey-ruh was pregoooo she and Rhys raw dogged it

I felt really really bad when no one fucking told her she would die because the baby had wings and she wasn’t fit to give birth like that. Like. What.

Can we talk about how they fucked when Feyre was in her Illyrian form and didn’t think the thing through?

Rhys, I can’t stand the guy. First he wants to make a bargain with his mate that they die together and then he wants to keep it from her that she can die when giving birth to their kid.

I think what pissed me off the most was when he was trying to help Cassian get Nesta out of a nightmare/power “episode” and had to experience what she did with the Cauldron and seeing Elain and Cassian hurt. He said he knew she was feeling something but seeing and feeling it yourself was different. Yeah, what else did you think smartass.

Rhys has a habit of keeping important shit secret, Amren is no better either. I think that’s what pissed me off the most. They sometimes kept the too important shit away.

As much as Nesta grew, so did Feyre. They both developed pretty good in my mind, I don’t hate her as much as I despise Rhys sometimes. All and all I love how she and Nesta ended up.

Amren....I get her point about Nesta using and abusing their friendship. At the same time, sometimes she was too harsh.

Elain, darling old cottage core aesthetic Elain. I found her to be a little insufferable sometimes. How she showed up unexpectedly at the Library to talk to Nesta and they got into an argument was funny to me since Nesta pulled out some stuff on her.

ELAIN THANKING NESTA AND SAYING FINALLY AFTER SHE TELLS HER TO “OH FUCK OFF” AT THE SOLSTICE PARTY WAS SO RANDOM

Elain and Lucien is some fucked up shit. I understand how she doesn’t want to acknowledge the fact that they’re mates and all that but you can atleast thank the guy when he gives you a gift on Solstice.

I feel bad for Lucien because as sweet as Elain might show to be, she’s really hurting him and could just reject him if she really doesn’t want him.

AZ AZ AZ I LOVE HIM AND HIS SLY MOMENTS

Az when he cockblocks is the best thing. Do it more often.

Az and Nesta’s bond is something I want to see more, as well as how she literally thought about a threesome with him and Cassian.

Morriiiiigan. Everyone mentions her beauty and how she’s like the sun walking and I admire that. She wasn’t as annoying as I thought she’d be on the topic of Nesta and Cassian being an item.

She also wasn’t in the book as much which made sense since she was in Vallahan. I did like how she accepted Nessian towards the end.

The long awaited Mrs Archeron. Some of my theories about her proved true! About how she groomed her daughters into marriage ideologies at the worst age. 12 and 11? What the fuck?

The way she called Elain a pretty thing with no ambition at 11, no wonder Nesta and Elain have no proper knowledge of survival like Feyre did. She was set on making sure Nesta married someone who would treat her well, Elain married someone rich since her beauty was beyond all three of them.

Literally Mrs Archeron was not okay LMAOOO why are you telling your daughters this when they haven’t even bled yet damn CHILL

I felt bad since she didn’t care for Feyre and only their father doted on Elain and Feyre. Nesta was kept all to her mother to feed off Mrs Archeron’s narcissism.

Not to mention she died a year later

I found it funny Elain mentioned how at 15, Nesta even had their dad fearing her. Like it’s your daughter, wdym you fear her

The backstory on how Nesta treated him and how she feels now looking back. It was saddening and I unfortunately know the regret of not doing somethings. It must eat her alive.

I enjoyed reading this book, even if I wasn’t content with the ending. I tabbed a LOT of things so you’ll probably catch me editing and adding more to this in the morning. Thank you for reading all the way down here! 🤍

[roguestarsailor]

You know what since we’re still in quarantine and i have nothing else better to do, i need to obsess over ACOTAR. I don't like a court of frost and starlight. For the longest time I couldn't figure out why I didn't like it. I aggressively read the book in maybe a day and I closed it feeling frustrated and annoyed. My version had A Court of Silver Flames preview so that definitely contributed to my annoyance greatly.

It's because it felt too perfect. Everything that had happened -- after the entire war was fought and won, they just go back to their normal lives? Yes there were hiccups and yes there were still aspects that made every IC character feel like their problems aren’t solved yet...but it didnt feel right. yes i enjoyed the snowball fight between the bat boys, feyre + rhys sexy time, and those little comfort moments too, the slice of life type things and seeing feyre accomplishing her goals and how hopeful the future seems BUT its too fast. the good parts of the book did not offset the bad parts of it.

Feyre literally accomplished pretty much every single goal she made back in ACOMAF just like that?? within a span of what a few months? a year?? She really came back from an entire war -- probably the first war of many since she's immortal and just like that, after her 21st birthday: she gets a whole entire estate, wants to start poppin babies, opens her art studio and starts teaching kids and then acting like she can rule an entire court?? the timeline is sooo short esp since its been brought up over and over again how everyone is literally 500 years old and have a super “messy” history and their changes seems to come super dupe slowly. but feyre, who has only lived 0.000000002% of her fae life, is out here thriving just fine???

the war devastated thousands of illyrian soldiers where its changing the politics of the illyrains and the faes, all of whom feyre has responsibilities over too as high lady. the mortal queens are still at large who left the humans on prythian to die which is why feyre was willing to go to war in the first place! what about the rest of hybern and their land and residents?? they wanted to enslave humans for social and economical reasons! then what about integrating humans w deep hatred and fear with deeply prejudice fae??? there’s also spring and summer court who are literally in ruins. thats literally so much. so idk how feyre is just chillin???? she gonna let rhys do all the hard work???

like feyre sit down. u should not be having a baby. esp since it took u literally a 700 pages to heal from those 3 months UTM. ur telling me shes gonna whole heartedly bring in a newborn in a war devastated world, with civil unrest (illyrains, other courts), with the messiness of human and fae integration, with trauma u and rhys will have to continue to overcome esp after THIS war??? even helping ur sisters w their traumas??

this is a personal opinion on this subject (and maybe my thoughts will change on this later on; opened to other thoughts) but when i read the part about how that weaver/seamstress artist who made that dark quilt that feyre loved talked about how her mate of 300 years didn’t come back from the war and her biggest regret was that she didnt have a kid to remember him by i just thought ur kid isn’t some sort of memorabilia. don’t have a kid to keep the memory of ur mate alive; have a kid cuz u want a kid purely for the sake of having a kid. ur memories and photos and shit will keep their memory alive but its not having a kid. some primitive need to keep the genes alive maybe?? but the way it was phrased and then in turn how feyre was like oh i need  a baby pronto cuz rhys might die in the next war and regret not having a kid with him didn’t sit right with me. also the other couple were together for +300 years and have a rich life together, while shes been with rhys for literally two years THATS NOTHING IN FAE YEARS. thats still the honeymoon phase and also ur problems arent even close to being over!!!

everyone was shitty to nesta. in ACOMAF, we saw how much the IC went through and still did all they could to help feyre. what made them not think nesta deserve the same welcome? nesta is mean as a defense but did no one try to figure out what would help (amren got close but shes so under developed)??? feyre knows nesta feels too much and yet she continued to be shitty. continued to flaunt her wealth, her status, her familiarity/borderline know-it-all attitude about fae/night court, her ~estate~. forcing nest to the solstice party when nesta was literally like i dont belong, im looking at everyone through a window type of thing; the fire cracking triggering her, etc. what kind of power play was that when she made nesta come to her estate, where nesta could SEE how ~homey~ and how suscessful feyre is and fully see all the lovely paintings of everyone feyre loves that explicitly exclude her to tell her to fuck off to a war camp?? bro???? cas was a dick too and elaine was rude. i think a lot of his actions were meant to make her angry since anger keeps u fighting (as was the method of rhys for feyre in ACOMAF) but what he said was stupidly shitty and i demand that he apologize properly. elaine could have done more to help her sister but whatever. mor was definitely an ass too (and im upset for how little her character growth is). 

Lucein. that man can’t catch a break tbh. im happy that hes w the band of exiles cuz he is whole heartedly accepted there. feyre was definitely an asshole to him even tho he helped as much as he could throughout the books. he tries so hard w elaine as well and it did hit my heart a bit when she was like gloves to work in my garden?? no ?? i use my bare hands see oNly aZiReL sEeS mE fOr WhO i Am. and at the same feyre is like flaunting her mate status to lucein which is mean as shit. its like this man can’t find love in prythain. then tamlin sending him his box of his things??? thats for sure brutral. tam was literally his partner through it all; savior of sorts even. no love from IC, no love from elaine, no love from feyre, no love from tamlin, no love from autumn court rejected everywhere! also HIS TRUE FATHER?? HEllo??? 

then on tamlin. i pity the guy! was i suppose to feel that way??? it felt like he is allowed to get a redemption arc and maybe i’ll even root for a redemption arc??? i was absolutely excited for freysand in ACOMAF but after ACOFAS, im like tamlin is....not completely bad??? his relationship w feyre was bad and the controlling parts were very much a no-no. i dont truly understand the dynamics of an abusive relationship but i can understand that it can be insidious and its the little things that hurt the victim. and i felt  feyre through ACOMAF and rooted for her to escape her abuser! but then it felt like i dont think he was doing any of those things out of malice. ill say tamlin is a bad leader and doesn’t know how to run a court outside of what he sees his father do. his understanding on everything is based on the traditions of the past which i think fueled most of the things he did i.e. not telling feyre she was in danger since maybe his mom didn’t do those war planning things. ACOTAR showed how he truly cared/loved and took good care of feyre and her family. he even talked about how he didn’t believe in the enslavement of humans! i think that tam wanted to preserve what he thought was the good (aka feyre + her love of painting) and get back a sense of control that he and his entire court lost while chained to amarantha. but at the same time, i think he truly thought feyre wasn’t safe. he knows rhys can crush minds and knows feyre can’t read/write so when he got that letter telling him shes safe of course hes gonna flip shit and made a deal w the devil (although those temper outbursts were DEFINITIVELY not ok!!!). he also didn’t listen and has sense of he knows best when feyre was not the type of person. but feyre destroyed his entire court. he lost all his sentries who literally went out to die for him during amarantha’s reign. he lost lucien too; his trusted right hand man. his people were cursed for 50 years and then continued to suffer UTM and was in the process of rebuilding too!  but just seeing spring court, WHO BORDERS THE HUMANS, be in ruins where his subjects left him, his people left him and hes all alone in the manson?? that was sooo sad. so im like why does what feyre did not feel satisfactory????? im mad that it didn’t feel right??? maybe there wasn’t a point where feyre talked to tamlin -- like really talked to him esp w her new found voice and power, etc. anyways, i dont hate tamlin and was like oh shit i think feyre fucked up a bit there.

rhys is a dick to nesta. which made me think, if feyre wasn’t his mate would he extend the same love and care to her???  i loved how he tried so hard to make sure feyre was ok. made sure she wasn’t breaking! all of it! but for nesta, he had the audacity to use his high lord voice and be an ass overall. even tho he can see how cas is fucken in love??? even just how he talks to cass feels off too. 

i’ll even go as far as to say because of how terrible ACOFAS was, it created this intense divide within the fandom. i remember reading the first three books and was absolutely 1) rooting for freysand  2) curious about the sister relationship and how it will be mended 3) i definitely didn’t hate nesta nor did i hate elaine either -- but i was adament about them talking it out with feyre for those tough times 4) saw a more realistic and charming healing arc 5) was rooting for feyre to be a stronger voice and grow into herself 6) love the dynamic of the inner circle + feyre

but after ACOFAS, I have this intense need to defend nesta and was super mad at how she was treated after the war and in turn a deep dislike for elaine for both her lack of agency, lack of grit that made all the other characters interesting, and lack of care for her sisters (who showed how much they would risk for her). i dont hate rhys but i was extremely not happy with him and his attitude and behavior. feyre became more arrogant and was acting like how asshole rhysand would act. like her life is perfect now and i was not rooting for her anymore. freysand didn’t feel like they have complimenting qualities that made them interesting in the first place but rather they are merging to become the same person but in a bad way. that mind reading thing was cute in the beginning but it became insufferable since all thoughts were shared so seamlessly it made reading feel weird. 

anyways those are my thoughts on ACOFAS. it was a 1/5 stars for me and im mad those events transpired. reading the other books made me excited to know what was gonna happen and i was truly ready to accept the characters as flawed and nuanced as they are. im not mad about character not liking each other but i am mad that everything felt off. ACOFAS just felt regressive in some parts and forced in other parts. i know not everything ends in a nice tied up bow but this book single handily ruined what i thought about these characters in the worse way possible. this book wasn’t suppose to wrap up all the problems that exists in the other books but it didn’t feel hopeful like i thought it would. it didn’t feel wrapped up and didn’t feel like i should be excited about the next books. theres so many missing pieces i feel that i think need explaining and at the same time, i think it introduced too many problems at once which made it feel like its jumping around everywhere. although im still excited for ACOSF because i love nesta, and nesta deserves so much better and i want to have hope that this bad ending will either make sense later on or it was just a blimp.

[kaz11283]

Fire and Ice: Chapter 4

Chapter Summary: you get to meet mor of the team members and you get adjusted to your new life in the tower. Loki is still giving you the cold shoulder.

Loki Masterlist

~~~~

Thor showed you the rest of the tower before leading you down to the living room where the rest of the team was.

"Lady y/n, this is the living space. Most of the time this is were everyone is together. Meet the avengers." You gave a slight wave to everyone that was there. You notices Nat and Clint sitting together toward the back of the room and smiled, Bucky and Sam were having some sort of disagreement while Steve just laughed shacking his head. When he notice you he stood walking over to greet you.

"You'll have to ignore those two. If theres something to disagree with they'll find it. Steve Rodgers ma'ma, pleasure to meet you." He stuck his hand out shacking yours.

"Nice to meet you too Steve. I've heard a few things about you. My roommate is a big fan." You smiled. Looking around you noticed Loki sitting by one of the windows staring straight at you, you felt your heart flip a few times before smiling at him. He rolled his eyes and went back to reading whatever he was reading. "See Thor, he absolutely hates me." You whisperer.

"Hes just trying to adjust." Thor placed his hamd on your lower back guiding you through yet another door. This one lead to a high tech lab where Tony and Bruce were at.

"If it isnt the man who completely uprooted me, brought me to a undisclosed location, and didnt take no for an answer. Its a pleasure to meet you Mr. Stark." You smiled sticking out your hand.

"Now in my defence I didnt bring you to an undisclosed location. I think everone knows where the tower is located. But after the compound is built no one is gonna be able to find us." He laughed taking your hand, you noticed him looking you over. "Your smaller than I would have imagined. Complete opposite from what I had compared you to. Not as .... Ummm... Pointy." He made a weird jester with his hands. You could only assume he was comparing you to Loki.

"Well as they say Mr. Stark, I do have horns holding up this halo." You laughed.

"I like her. Lets just get rid of reindeer games and keep her." He said pointing a screwdriver at you smiling. "Oh, heres this, state of the art Stark Macbook and Stark Phone. Online classes start for you Monday, you have all your normal classes. They will just be broadcasted to you on here, yes you can go back and rewatch them but you do still need to be there for the live feed also. If you need the book heres a card, use that for you. No limit." He handed you a black Mastercard.

"I truly appreciate it, really, but I cant take this." You tried handing it back.

"You can, you will. Everyone in the tower has one, no limits. Well Nat and Pepper have limits, I swear between those two i would be broke in no time. Anyways, not the point, you'll also need training gear. Use it for that if nothing else."

"Thank you Mr. Stark. Really for everything." You said grabbing the dtuff he had given you an slipping the card into your back pocket.

"Stop calling me that, Mr. Stark was my father. Tony will be fine." He said getting back to what he was working on.

"I call him Man of Iron." Thor said placing his hand on your lower back leading you out.

"Dont, for gods sakes, dont call me that." Tony yelled after you.

"Everyone is meeting in the living room for a movie of you would like to join us." Thor asked. You were completly drained from your firdt day at the tower, had it really just been this morning since you were in your own room? It felt like eons ago.

"No Thor, I just want to go take a shower, adjust to everything going on, and unpack my stuff. Maybe look for somethings to decorate my room, but thank you." You turned walking back to your room in silence.

On your way to your room your mind was all over the place, how did you not know that you were from Asguard, had your parents not really been there your whole life? Did your parents even actually exist or was it some made up something or other like a dream? You had just talked to your mom yesterday, maybebit was just some mind control thing making you beleive you had been talking to her. You placed your hand on the bridge of your nose rubbing it as you leanes aginst a wall trying to collect your thoughts.

"You seen very troubled." His voice ws like silk, you had only heard it once before but you knew when you looked up you would see him standing there in his usual green and black. You knew this man didnt like you but something inside of you drew you to him. When you looked up he was leaning aginst the wall directly in front of you, looking like he was trying to figure out an answer to a ridiculously hard question.

"I just want to know why this is happening? Are my parents even real? Do I have powers? What are they if i do. I just want to know. Why do you hate me?" You sighed leaning your head back aginst the cool wall. You heard his breath catch, before you knew it he was directly in front of you, hands on either side trapping you there. Your heart lept, not from the danger that you were in, but the closeness.

"I do not hate you, I could never hate you. You do not realize this but we were ment to be together, two parts of a whole. You can not stand here and tell me you do not feel drawn to me as I am you. I have loved you from the day we first met so long ago, playing as kids in my mothers garden. It simply pains me that you do not remember us, what we had, our past. Darling trust my words when I say that if Odin wasnt dead I would surly kill him for taking you from me and making me beleive you dead for all these years." He leaned down breathing in your scent and gently leaving a kiss on our cheek before turning around and walking off leaving you even more confused and jittery than you were.

~~~~

Chapter 5

~~~~~

Tag list:

@kgirardin

@sophlubbwriting

@supbeeches

@high-functioning-lokipath

[banieboo]

vampire academy is just as weird as when I read it at 14

I just finished re-reading the entire vampire academy series and i dont think i have ever felt this confused, or dissatisfied in a series in a while. Thank God i didnt pay full price for these books.

I decided to re-read these books bc I saw someone on booktok say they were reading it and I thought to myself “hmm i kinda remember hating that series, I wonder why,” so thats where i’m at. See I just thought that young me hated them because I kinda skimmed it for the parts I wanted to read and didn’t pay much attention to the plot (as I did with many books between the ages of 12 and 15). But no. I had good reason for my distaste. 

The 6 book series follows vampire-human hybrid (theres a word for it but i dont feel like looking it up to spell it right) Rose Hathaway and her best friend Lissa Dragomir. Basically Lissa’s a vampire and all vampires have powers (earth, water, air, fire) but Lissa has a special power called spirit which basically means that she heals things (One of them being Rose. From the dead. I’m serious). The vampire-human hybrids protect the vampires bc you can only make a hybrid by at least one full vampire being involved. Also these vampires are weak. But you know who’s not weak? The bad vampires. YEP. These bad vampires are like regular vampires but they killed someone so now they have extra strength but they cant go into the sun and can be killed somewhat easier. The hybrids are trained to kill the bad vampires. Wait also there’s royalty. and Lissa is one of the 12 royal families. Shes also the last one of her line bc everyone else died in a car crash. 

But like anyway Lissa and Rose are like bonded or whatever and Rose can see what Lissa sees sometimes like shes in her head and she can also know what shes feeling. 

I was going to do a book by book recap but I dont want to do that so i’m just going to rant about how irritating Rose is at some parts throughout the series (specifically her love life).

Rose is young and reckless, but she has good intentions for the most part. During the second or third book, Rose meets another royal vampire named Adrian. And God do I love Adrian. He is also another spirit user and self medicates with cigarettes and alcohol. Anyway he has an addictive personality and is like addicted to Rose, (which of course becomes his inevitable downfall). They start dating but Rose is like still kinda hung up on her ex-situationship. And its even more awkward because he was her TEACHER basically and he was turned into one of the bad vampires. Did I mention Rose was 17 for the majority of the series? Including in the one part where her and her TWENTY-FOUR (24) YEAR OLD TEACHER get it on in a CABIN IN THE WOODS. HELLO?!?!? Dimitri isn’t the point of this point. Well not really. I’m getting off track hold on. 

So yeah Rose is hung up on this dude and goes on this whole quest to kill him but inevitably gets caught and kidnapped by him. She is then used as a blood bag for him (bloodwhore is what they call them) and is held captive for apparently only like a couple days when i swore it was a week. He keeps her weak to try and convince her that the only way she can be strong and defend herself is if she turns bad vampire and join him (but he only wants her to help take down the person running the bad vampire organization). She breaks free, he somehow gets turned hybrid (no longer bad vampire anymore) and he hates himself for what he did to her (which he should) yadda yadda yadda. Back to Adrian. 

Now it could just me and the fact I have a soft spot for young (is this where i mention Adrian is 21? Still old but not as old as Dimitri), troubled brunette boys (yes Adrian is a brunette that shocked me too),  but I was a big fan of Adrian and felt like he and Rose could’ve been really good together. Maybe i’m just projecting. But I digress. Rose really thought she could move on after this guy Dimitri after like weeks and fall for Adrian. Girl. I know you haven’t had much luck in the love department but c’mon. Did you really have to string along the nice, rich boy along? Not only that but she CHEATS ON HIM WITH DIMITRI when they’re on the run trying to clear her name for murdering the vampire queen, who is also Adrian’s great-aunt (long story, wont get into it right now). And then when she and Adrian finally have time to talk about everything (after Rose gets shot of course), she has the audacity to play motivational speaker and tell Adrian he’ll find his perfect when he stops victimizing himself?? Or something like that. Anyway he blows up at her and is like super upset and just walks out. Isn’t Rose a piece of work? 

I like to think that the majority of this series indiscretions were made due to that fact that this series was written between the years 2007 and 2010. You known back when vampires were all the rage (thank you Twilight <3).

I am considering reading the bloodlines series (bc of Adrian of course) but i’m not sure how much more idiotic behavior I can handle. But I was reading the synposis and looked at some untagged spoiler reviews (God help me) and apparently Adrian and Jill are bonded?!?! What does that mean?? Is that supposed to be a romantic thing???? because Jill is only 15 and Adrian is 21. What the hell?? I’m gonna need a drink and a lot of emotional support after the VA series and if im going into the Bloodlines series.

.

.

.

I need to re-read the Love hypothesis to feel joy again.

[smallestclowninthecircus]

Season 3 notes popping off

due to my desire to not completely fail all my classes this year i made myself slow down significantly while listening to this season, and the fact that the other person i'm listening along with had to catch up. We've managed to convert several other people to start listening and its pretty great.

ep 81: what does it even mean to be chosen by one of them? And if he was chosen by the eye. we know Gertrude wasnt? Because she cut the eyes out of the magazines?

ep 82: elias lmao. I understand why people like him so much bahshdhdk i thought he was gonna snitch on Jon but he didnt so he's fine. Ok but how do we think he knew all that stuff. Idk probably just institute connections. I love the fact that the recorder just wants to record stuff randomly bjahsjdhd. Elias feels a lot like Michael in the sense that he knows more than he should and talks in a way that implies he just wants to wait and see how things play out for his own benefit. I understand him knowing the things that happened but his description of her emotions implies something paranormal. Maybe he's connected to one of the entities. Which one I cannot guess.

ep 83: did a file get delivered randomly to the place he's staying at? Probably elias lmao. He thinks the mannequin is related to the stranger. Idk I would believe it.

ep 84: worms? I know he says earth worms but idk. Again? Is she making gordon golems out of trash? Martin popping off. You can tell the statements get to him more that they get to Jon. How come martin is so mad about it? I want to assume he just doesnt want her to get stuck there but idk. Jude Perry. The calliope organ. Jon heard a circus in one of the last episodes

ep 89: he's talking to perry? Like jude Perry? He says ... God? Is that what it is? Lmao. The Desolation. Jon is tired of ppl being vague and not telling him stuff lmao. Oh God Jon is so confused. Compel her? Is she assuming he has some kind of power? Does he have powers? Hmm. im agreeing with jon here please jesus christ why does everyone have to be so cryptic. Just say what you mean. "maybe you get an itchy eye" bahasjkdfklsjdf girl what. Agnes saved her? Oh this is the girl from the cafe story? So theres the Cult of the Lightless Flame? They worship whatever entity this is? The Desolation? Why do they all seem like they sorta worship her then? Is Gretchen gonna die oh god. fuckin michael. a different michael aaah. i see. dont do it shes gonna burn you. sir. please. sir dont you dare do- WHAT DID I SAY what did you think was gonna happen hhh.

ep 90: try to make it less obvious you're trying to get fired big T. Elias that doesnt sound like the most healthy thing to do. oh dear is this gonna be triggering for me. uuuuuh. uuuuuuuuuh. doesnt seem like it ok gonna keep listening. Jared. hmmmmm. Ok we've seen Keay and hotner or whatever his name was.

ep 91: Michael Crew. Oh is this the lightning scar guy. Mister jon sir did you just die. No? God everyone is so fuckin cryptic. Say normal things please. They all just like to go on about pain and agony and j e s u s c h r i s t we get it you got hurted by whatever thing. So theyre avatars? question mark? Jude Perry is an avatar of The Desolation? hhhh fractals. thats a spiral thing innit. Yup. messing with your perceptions. God they all talk about feeding their god and feeding that which feeds them and. hh what does that meann. Leave big J. please. uh oh. is it daisy? how come he has the web lighter still? the tape recorder just turns on sometimes you know how it is. So he can compel people? not that he knows it obviously but. a bit wack. powers go brr i guess? If the eye just wants knowledge i guess he feeds it by getting the statements? b/c i doubt it wants him to murder ppl or whatever.

ep 92: elias you all knowing fuck what do you know. (i guess all given what i just said) Lukas. Heard of them before. Mordecai Lukas. Loneliness. The lonely even. Jonah Magnus. Elias ur sounding like a bit of a dickhead rn. lmao jon's just like "i dont care" elias what is ur deal. Why does he want to tie her in. ohh i see. lmao theyre all just like "elias why" The Unknowing lol seems very much like something the eye wouldnt like. lol elias is gettin all philosophical. what does it really mean to be human. this still doesnt answer why gertrude wanted to destroy the archives tho.

ep 93: bahsjdfh he seems so dead inside rip. awww admiral. i love him already. ghh breacon and hope. purple mold. doesnt sound like anything we've seen so far. I think the funniest explanation for breacon and hope is that they dont actually serve the stranger they just kinda happen to be a random neutral party that cart around random spooky entity related stuff. ooooh. when we hear the slight static of the tape recorder it's cuz he's compelling ppl.

ep 94: the end! listen man they were all just grayed up for 4/13.

ep 95: the end also? death but also savagery/ animalistic shit. aww martin. lmao becerra. she's just been chillin in the corner.

ep 96: return to sender. haha minecraft go brr. prediction: breacon and hope? yup there we go. jon why is there an echo. are you in a stairwell? is he gonna eat it- yup. how did i call it. unsure abt what theyre talking about but ok. they kidnapped someone? Sarah Baldwin. ooooh that guy.

ok im just putting this here so i have notes for when nicholas gets to this part. It seems like (from jon's conversation with jude perry) that the desolation and the eye are kinda at odds with eachother? like i guess not directly but it seems like they dont really vibe? so how could be with both. Cuz if he has the heat powers and shit then we know he's an avatar of the desolation. but then why does he have so much eye imagery. also he got burned intentionally? like jude did when she went on her monologue about the feeling of burning? but then why did he wear the eye pendant. it stops him from being burned all the way which seems like he's not fully accepting the fire or whatever.

Nooooo I lost like a bunch of my notes rip. I keep forgetting to save.

Ep 104: tim gives a coherent statement without jon even being there. Ugh. Fucking robert smirk. Dont like him. Joey. Dont recognize the name. The show must go on. Clown. The spooky circus?

ep 105: total war... shogun 2? jon is just understanding languages again. "if i understood mandarin or cantonese" are you sure you dont big man?

ep 106: havent we heard this one already? mans in space? oh no this is just another episode in space. fairchild... uuuh. cant remember. oh! this is related to that! this is one of the ppl from the other side. sounds like a Vast thing. oh he's the one that the dude saw? but that guy didnt have a face... she's sorta like jon. wanting to dismiss the statements. lmao i love the workplace gossip. ace jon for the win! oh cmon elias dont be a dick. sunny meadows or whatever. thats the place we heard about.

ep 107: oh great is it jude perry again. Third Degree. bahahsdkfj she was arrested. sorry but imagining this old british lady getting arrested is funny. she was trying to resurrect him. using the skin book. he's not feeling well. jon take a nap. i wonder if this is what happens when he uses his powers too much. He gets into The Zone when he reads statements lol. didn't we have a burning train car in anothre statement? is it julia fairchild? bahahahs "kidnapped. Again." poor jon honestly. julia... about her dad. daughter of the murder shed guy? hunting like your dad liked to hunt or normal people hunting. oh hunting vampires!

ep 108: melanie has been suffering. poor martin peter lukas why do you have to be like this. can he not just use the front door? does he have to bother the ppl doing statements?

ep 109: how come he cut her off? kinda rude tbh. its either jon's influence or there was smth he didnt want her saying. is it gerard on the table? this sounds kinda like smth from one of the university episodes. is it the closed eye on the hand? yup. he's like one of the students! if the thing listening in is elias then... he can do that without the tape recorder yknow. plus who's to say it wont just turn itself on again

110: who wants to bet its a leitner?

111: Lukas related to The Lonely. I used to not like Gerard that much but i like him more now. but i thought there were 15? ohhh thats right isnt flesh newer? gerry for the win honestly. finally telling jon things.

112: lol "again" no one ever tells any of these ppl anything. tim and basira are just out of the loop constantly. music, like the war episodes. The hunt or the slaughter? probably the hunt. so Daisy is related to the hunt right? basira likes the reading, she's doing fine at the institute. daisy's getting worried...

113: it just turned on randomly. what is it lol. explossives! oh boy. why do they always assume he turned it on intentionally. melanie youre not making me like you that much. which entity is this about i cant tell. lol he was disappointed it was just the end. The title Breathing Room made me think it was gonna be about the buried but i guess not. So many of these entities deal with death but the end is one that deals in just death. it has no need for fancy deaths, just death is enough

114: more hilltop road statements? the tree. oh boy. ok the tree has 8 arms obviously theres the spider parallels. was she taken into an alternate universe? oh no. jon tries to phrase things so he's not asking questions. thats honestly good. "sometimes i was kidnapped" oh dear. they got gertrude. daisy ur so odd lmao. who wants to bet they dont know the tape recorder's running?

115: silaca? or whatever? antique man? meat grinder... related to the meat is meat episode? oh wow. they buy antiques from him. maybe dont antagonize this creature which can kill you?

116: lol theyre all just so done with elias. music? is it like the one band that if you hear them you die or wtvr. oh its chess? i am very much confused. mmm stranger go brr. gorilla skin? oh shit the dance. woah. this is so good. this is so gender. the words are wonderful. "you can just say tim" lmao trying to fool elias never feels like a good idea.

117: except elias lmaoo. oh shit. leitner getting some use for once idk. bruuh poor melanie she has been thru so much shit. martin you can just say youre worried about jon. lol he's so accurate in his jon impression. lol who was that. was that daisy? lmaoo. oop hi tim. oh god i hope tim doesnt die. i feel like i wouldve heard about that? but im not sure. destroying the source of knowledge is gonna be hard for jon. yay jon! you did a good thing. let him rest.

118: go off martin lmao. awww poor martin. oh god the tape gets that squealy quality and its awful.

119: woah. lots of things happening. uhh. POP OFF TIM!!

120: lmao elias giving a statement about jon's dreams lol. damn jon doesnt even get his own dreams? has to stay Watching even when he's asleep? f in the chat this man goes thru so much shit. oh boy its peter. lol martin my beloved. idk i dont trust peter.

[lesbow]

i wanna talk about claire & douxie

so im on episode 4 and just got to the scene where claire uses her shadow magic to create a portal for them to go see the lady of the lake. this scene is claire’s moment of development and i loved it for her. i dont wanna take away from that but i also loved it because of claire and douxie’s bond during it. im sure there will be several other posts about how awesome this was claire bc it really was, so i guess just take this as another perspective on the scene.

before i start i would just like to say: this post is about their strictly platonic relationship. i dont ship them and honestly dont know how i feel about them as a ship in general since douxie is significantly older than them (”college aged”) and i dont really think its right. especially bc on the wiki it says claire is only 15-16 (im guessing 16 since its been A Minute since s1 of trollhunters lol) and in the show douxie canonly says he’s 19-esque. so pls dont go reading this in ya know that kind of lense bc thats not my intention.

alright so now that i’ve got that out the way

from the start douxie has obviously gravitated towards claire because of their shared understanding of magic. when they first drop in camelot, he confides in her the most and whenever she gets upset he takes it strongly, seemingly as a personal hit. like when he tried to talk about the brightside of jim being imprisoned and then claire bursts into tears (bc obviously lol it really wasnt a great situation to be in). but i really wanna talk about the scene in episode 4 when claire starts to become more comfortable with her magic. 

douxie comes up with the plan in the first place because he has full confidence in claire’s abilities. he starts off by talking about how amazing her powers are and that she shouldn’t be afraid of herself. he expresses not one ounce of doubt abt how strong claire is and fully supports her, even when claire refuses to herself. 

seeing morgana die and knowing they share the same magic was an understandably awful thing for claire to witness, and she is obviously traumatized from it as she still has nightmares and visions about morgana’s death. but then douxie, who has complete & utter faith in her, encourages her to use her magic. so she tries just because he asked. claire tho who still feels uncertain asks for his help in return, and douxie is completely shocked by it. i have expressed several times how much i hate merlin and i am NOT afraid to do it again bc i 100% blame his constant degradation for douxie’s low self esteem. 

which also leads me to believe that douxie connects with claire, not only bc of their use of magic but because he also sees himself in her. they both have little confidence in their powers that stem somewhat from their predecessors. douxie vs merlin’s nonstop insults and claire vs morgana’s seemingly inevitable evilness. he sees himself in her because he was her (and still is) and subconsciously, as most of us do, wants to become the support he wish he had. 

but helping those younger than you/who were in your shoes also has a way of making you reflect on yourself too. which is why, even tho he was fully prepared to give claire emotional encouragement, he was blindsided when she asked for his teaching. he wants to help raise claire’s confidence, but has yet to work on his own. 

when the rock.... wall...... thingies.... insult douxie and agree on him being subpar, claire (and archie but this aint about him) immediately fires back at them to cool it. and while douxie didn’t disagree with the rockwallthingies, he clearly appreciated claire standing up for him and smiles about it. her sticking up for him helps give him the boost he needed to teach her what he knows. 

while attempting the portal, douxie gives her constant words of encouragement. and when claire, who is gradually becoming more and more unstable, confesses that she is afraid, his tone changes and becomes softer. he is still confident in her abilities, but also knows how overwhelming they can be and doesn’t hesitate to switch from determined support to warm reassurance. 

things turn for the worse tho when claire ends up giving into her fear and the shadow portal swallows her. 

(i tried my best to gif what happens bc i dont think a screenshot would do it justice)

once claire succumbs to her fear and her magic swallows her whole, douxie hyperventilates. i’d even say he was panicking bc this was the one thing neither of them wanted to happen. its both of their fears happening all at once. douxie’s initial fear of being a bad teacher/influence/magic user in general and claire’s fear that her magic will overpower her, both being proven right in the worst way possible. 

what douxie doesnt realize yet is that his teaching didnt fail. while claire is in the shadow realm, she sees morgana’s corpse again and freezes up. but then she pauses as soon as she remembers douxie’s words “dont let fear control you. stay true to yourself.” and with the help of his previous support, she gains the courage to finally face what she’s been afraid of and brings herself back to them. while douxie is terrified that he’s failed claire, it’s actually his words that help her succeed.

once claire comes back, douxie is immediately up and grabs her face to check for injuries. he crowds her so much, archie even has to tell him to relax and give her space. douxie is skilled in magic, but he has no idea what shadow magic and all it entails is actually like, so it isnt unreasonable for his imagination to have run wild with all the dangers claire could’ve been exposed to.

claire rambles about what happened (rambling claire is the most adorable claire) but douxie misreads her curiosity as anxiety and goes to comfort her again. “we understand if you dont want to go back in” its just constant constant support from this guy! (which is funnily enough the exact opposite of what he received from merlin.) he sees her eyes are glued to morgana’s spell book and gently pushes it away. in his mind, what happened in the shadow realm was most likely a bad experience and instead of trying to force her to do it again, he tells her to not feel rushed to go back in. he gets that what he thought was encouragement might’ve actually been pressure and doesn’t hesitate to make sure claire knows that they, and he, will support whatever she wants to do. 

claire quickly tells him that’s not the case and that she’s fine. and whether or not she’s aware of his insecurities yet, she lets him know his influence was actually a great help. 

the positive words surprise douxie and make him smile. once again, claire’s kindness has uplifted his spirits. 

between these two its just a back and forth of nonstop support. douxie helps claire not be afraid of her own magic, and claire helps douxie not fall into self deprecation. as the show goes on i think they will grow to have a very strong sibling-like bond and i cant wait to see it.

[flowerslightning]

(Part 2) Cloud Strife and his Mental Illness

a.k.a Psychiatric Disorder

| 1. Memory | ⇦ Click if u havent read it yet

2. Hallucinations, Illusions and Delusions

Since these three things relate well with Cloud's troubled memories, I'll be talking about them first before jumping to his Confused Personality

This post will bore u a bit or maybe a lot 😂 it depends. If ure interested with psychiatric stuff, u'll find this enjoyable as much as i do

Disclaimer : I'm 21 and still a tiny meany student. During my intern at Psychiatric Department, I learned and witnessed psychiatric problems from real life patients. And since Cloud (my fav FF character) has psychiatric issues, I'll be sharing some of my knowledge and interpretation of Cloud's character. Im not diagnosing him, rather i'm giving my own opinion about his status

@nibelheiim created a post about dissociation, she explained about hallucination, PTSD and more. Come and check her out! Her words were more direct and easier to understand. She explained about Psychological matter and she's a real psychology student too!

While my explanation will be more focusing on Psychiatric Topic and words used will be more complicated (with grammar errors). My facts will be based on ICD 10 and DSM-IV

A lot of people were confused with these three terms - Hallucination Illusion Delusion - These terms associated with abnormalities of perception. It is important to understand that this abnormality holds two keys; ● 1. Perception is the process of becoming aware of what is presented through the sense organs. ● 2. Imagery is an experience originating within the mind that usually lacks the sense of reality that is part of perception.

Abnormalities of perceptions have 4 theme, but I'll be focusing on two major types that relate with Cloud: (i) Hallucinations ; (ii) Illusions. Some cases, perception can be normal in intensity and quality but has a changed meaning for the person who experiences it - it is called as Delusional Perception. It is not an abnormal of perceptions, rather it is a disorder of a person's thinking.

Try guessing, how many from these terms does Cloud has?

1. Hallucinations

- A perception experienced in the absence of external stimulus to the corresponding sense organ. Eg - patient hears a voice when no one is speaking within a hearing distance or patient sees something approaching him when visually no one is there. There are 2 qualities to determine a hallucination: ●it is experienced as a true perception●it seems to come from outside of the head●

The above gif, where Sephiroth suddenly appear again before Cloud's eyes even able to touch Aerith's shoulder, it illustrate perfectly the 'Visual Hallucination'. No one can see Sephiroth, other than Cloud himself.

Cloud [Remake] kinda had anxiety when he stared at the fire and later he saw Sephiroth surrounded with flames, then poof, that silver guy disappeared along with the images of fire. He said he was hallucinating stuff after the first bombing mission. Idk how Sephiroth could create fake images of fire around him, either Cloud was really hallucinating or it was really Sephiroth that came to see him. But, this is what we call as 'Visual and Auditory Hallucinations'. Cloud SAW Sephiroth and HEARD him talking when no one else did. I can also add in 'Tactile Hallucination' because he probably felt the burning sensation on his skin from the flame around him that caused him to feel hot and sweating, or probably it was his anxiety that caused him sweating upon meeting Sephiroth with the flashback of his burning hometown

Hallucinations can occur in all sensory modalities; visual, olfactory, auditory etc. In the Remake, the Whispers could only be seen by certain people. To those who couldnt see it, they would be puzzled what was happening to u, and would've thought that u were hallucinating something, like in the case of Aerith.

In Cloud's case, perhaps Cloud [In OG] had auditory hallucination due to his severe case of Mako Addiction. But then, that wasnt exactly a hallucination though, cuz the thing he said "'Coming.. They're coming" was actually true. A monster fell from the sky.

Other 'hallucinations' that Cloud had was the images of Sephiroth that appeared in certain headache. Cloud may claimed it was his hallucinations, but i've read it somewhere that says it was really Sephiroth appeared before his eyes. Sephiroth was messing with Cloud's mind, trying to break his mental in order to control him. However, IF IT WASNT SEPHIROTH that came, Cloud's 'hallucination' would be known as a mental disorder that may lead to severe case - eg Schizophrenia.

2. Illusions

An illusion is a misperception of an external stimulus. It often occur in several circumstances: (i)level of sensory stimulation reduced (ii)attention is not focused on the sensory modality (iii)level of consciousness reduced (iv)being in a state of intense emotion- fear.

Does Cloud has it? Urm, maybe? Well, it can be proven when he saw his 'noisy neighbour next door' as Sephiroth. As stated above, illusions occur in 4 conditions, and Cloud was in number (i) and (iv). When Tifa yelled him to stop, Cloud came back to reality and got really confused when the 'Sephiroth' that attacked him was actually a sick guy. We can also add in 'Hallucinations of Deep sensation' in this scenario bcause Cloud experienced the feelings of being pushed down by 'Sephiroth'.

However, we all know that 'Sephiroth' was real at that moment. For Cloud, he thought it was an illusion, but for us the audience, it was a real thing.

If u want a better explanation and example, try watching Joker the movie. The main theme of the movie was 'mental illness'. There are lots of scenes that shows different type of hallucinations, illusions and also personality disorder.

3. Delusions

a.k.a fixed false belief. A belief that is held firmly despite evidence contrary. A delusion is nearly always a false belief but not always so. There are around 11 types of delusions according to the book. Half of it may suggest Shcizophrenia. Schizophrenia is certainly not in Cloud's case. I've studied one by one the type of delusions and none of them match with Cloud FF7.

I will surely give anyone a good punch in the face if they dare to say Cloud suffers from Schizophrenia. I've met with bunch of patients having it, and the way they see this world is totally different from us.

In some other cases, eg a spiritualist convince a person to believe in his spiritualism and he present with contrary evidence to the non-believer. This non-delusional belief is called 'overvalued ideas'

Overvalued ideas is an isolated , preoccupying and strongly held belief that dominates a person's life and may affect his action. One of the easiest example i can come up with; a friend who had skin cancer may be convinced to her roomate that cancer is contagious, and her roomate suspects any abnormal skin conditions she has is an evidence to show she too, may have developed the same cancer, when the truth is, she's just completely fine.

It is very hard to distinguish between a delusion and overvalued ideas.

I had a patient, he was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. He looked like an ordinary man, but when he talked, it sounded so unreal. He said he had jumped off from 10th floor several times and didnt get a scratch from it. He believed he wont die bcause he had gained super power. He even convinced me to try his 'so-called-secret technique- on how to survive a jump. By doing that often, I will have a superpower like him - a strong physical body. Up until now, I still dont know if he was being deluded with his thought or he was overvalued his idea, bcause from his psychiatric record, he did try to jump off from the second floor of his apartment's balcony a few times.

So, Im not really sure of myself did Cloud [FF7] really had delusion or not. Well, he believed he made it to SOLDIER bcause he had mako eyes. But was it something we called as delusion or was he just overvaluing his idea? He didnt know the truth and his memory messed up. No one could explain to him why he had Mako eyes, except Prof Hojo and Zack who knew the truth

Besides, after Tifa helped with his memory, Cloud accepted the fact he wasnt in SOLDIER. For patient who deluded with their own thoughts, they hardly could believe what people told him.

However, surely Cloud [in AC] had delusions of guilt and worthlessness due to the fact that he believed he had done something shameful and sinful - the main trigger of this theme was, he got infected with Geostigma while he was searching a cure for Denzel. Cloud got depressed with the loss of Aerith and the memory of Zack death had returned, but I think he was recovering very well in that two years time skip. The moment he got Geostigma, he became deluded he was worthless and his depression kicked in again.

Hallucinations and Illusions are normal to be experienced by healthy people, but it wont be if u encounter too many hallucinations & illusions in 2 weeks time. Believe it or not, a lot of people around us are actually mentally ill bcause some of them may have excessive certain delusions, such as delusions of jealousy, grandiose delusions, nihilistic, paranoid etc. Although 'it is consider as normal' in a few circumstance, a few cases need to refer to psychologist and in severer cases, must refer to psychiatrist. If u follow Dr Phil's show, u'll see a bunch of patients have different kind of crazy delusions.

Overall from my statement above, I would conclude that since Sephiroth always appear before Cloud's eyes, this resulting Cloud to think he has both Hallucination and Illusion, when in fact, he's just a normal guy with amnesia and personality confusion. Cloud doesnt have Delusion like how many fans said, neither he has an overvalued idea, even with the evidence of Mako eyes supporting his reasoning + he's a great fighter. I will have to say that perhaps it is his brain defence mechanism that tricks his mind to believe he is a Soldier.

If only Sephiroth stop disturbing Cloud's life, it will be a lot faster to fix Cloud. Tifa alone will be the main strength to get Cloud back to normal. Ah, but this is the beauty of the game. Life wont be exciting without the presence of a beautiful villain and a love triangle (Tifa-Cloud-Sephiroth). Lol Technically I see them trying to fight for Cloud's mental health. Tifa wants to help Cloud with his mental status while Sephiroth is trying to destroy it. Lolololol

My crack theory : Sephiroth says he's going to take Cloud's most precious thing, and he ends up choosing to kill Aerith, but ofc there's another reason why Aerith got killed. But if Sephiroth kills Tifa first, I think he can take over Cloud's mind faster, because then, no one will be holding Cloud back. Honestly no one can ever will, not even Aerith. So does that mean Sephiroth doesnt know about Cloud's deepest secret or is Cloud just good at hiding his weakness?

I WILL UPDATE THE NEXT POST LATER because I've reached tumblr limit images agaiiin. The next part will be focusing about his personality - Personality Disorder

If there is any part that I've mistaken, pls correct me. I'm sorry for my english. English is not my native language, so there are plenty of grammar errors.

[urmomification]

WOOO POG DREAM SMP AU

theres 1.8k words and 9,393 characters of a schlatt au below the cut LMAO

[i was rambling to my friend and this is what came out of it! send me an abt it if u have questions i would love to talk abt it more pls]

(slight body horror/gore tw!!)

slams fists on table rattling any dishes on the table au where schlatt doesnt die of a heartattack and tubbo locks him up to rot basically and his horns grow into his eyes effectively blinding him and chained his hands together and basically a leash on him to keep him from moving around in his cell so he cant do anything to break the horns off before they get too long and one day when technos breaking into lmanberg he gets chased into the prison and loses them in the halls before coming across schlatts cell and schlatts calling out like 'whos there i can hear ur foot steps whos there please someone whos there' etc yk and technos speechless they thought they executed him to keep him from causing any more problems in the country but this is this is just much worse than anything he even thought theyd do and hes standing in front of schlatts cell just looking at him as if hes imagining it he knew lmanberg was bad but holy fuck they just let this man rot in a cell to the point of his own horns blinding him and giving him no aid or way to ease the pain so he makes himself known and schlatt 'ive never been so happy to see, well, hear an anarchist in my life, its good to see- hear you technoblade' and chuckles and blood runs down his face like tears would, few drops landing on his clothes before techno starts trying to get into the cell to take him out of there he cant leave him here sure he was an anarchist terrorist w a murder record but he had standards and now that schlatt wasnt in power he had nothing against him really considering he isnt a citizen of lmanberg so he manages to pick the locks enough to get him out of there, schlatts arm slung over technos shoulder they stumble out of the prison building and as they slowly make their way to the nether portal to get back to technos base, they run into tubbo and quackity, schlatts old right hand men and they try to stop techno bc hes well an anarchist terrorist w a murder record but the glare techno gives them levels them and theyre left staring at each other for a moment when schlatt 'whyre we stopped whos there tech' and techno mumbles 'tubbo and quackity schlatt' and schlatt just furrows his brows as far as he can without sending excruciating pain into his eye sockets before he purses his lips and asks 'are they going to try and stop us?' techno looks back at the other two 'no they wont, isnt that right boys?' tubbo and quackity slink away allowing techno and schlatt to the portal and them going thru, schlatt still silent as he tries not to trip over technos cape or off the ledge of the bridge passing over the lava lakes, they make it to the portal and begin the walk across the arctic tundra to technos house, philza isnt there right now so its just the two of them and techno leads him up the ladder to his room (its not really a room i think its just a bed, a bell and an enchantment table) and sits him down on his bed mumbling something abt being right back and he is with some medical supplies and a change of clothes to clean everything up, they dont talk techno works in silence and when schlatt winces he mumbles a small apology before continuing eventually techno got schlatt as cleaned up as you can get someone w horns in their eyes and a sweater to keep him warm and finally starts asking questions 'how long had u been in there' 'lost count' 'did they bring you food' 'a chests worth at the beginning of the month' techno sighs 'i thought they executed you' 'tubbo chickened out despite me being 'an active threat to our peace in lmanberg' and locked me up a few days after u set the withers loose and dropped off a chest of food once a month and most of them refused to talk to me others couldnt even make eye contact with me, other than the few instances where they said things like 'heres ur food' or 'u deserve this' or 'i cant believe tubbo let u live' i talked to no one other than myself for however long i was in there' techno stands and walks around for a moment before flipping some pages and schlatt can hear him gasp quietly in mild surprise 'what is it tech' looking in the direction he heard techno from and techno says, turning to face schlatt on his bed 'schlatt that was almost 3 months ago' a single beat of silence rings for what feels like forever 'oh. i, i didnt think itd been that long. though it would explain my current predicament' loosely gesturing towards his face 'oh right abt that i have a few questions if ur ready to answer some' schlatt hums and techno grabs a pen and paper and sits next to him in case he needs to take any notes for future reference 'how fast do ur horns normally grow' 'idk just a steady amount my whole life pretty much' 'will they ever stop growing' 'they generally stop growing around 30 and continue to grow more in width than length' 'did anyone who brought u food notice' 'they grow quickly and by the time the person w the third chest came around they were getting close to my eyes but they didnt listen to me, no one did' he sighs looking down at would be his hands 'the odds of both of my horns growing into my eyes and blinding me like this are so low but of course it would happen to me' a chuckle void of any amusement 'because losing my country and my people and my power wasnt enough already' techno stands up 'you had that coming' schlatt actually laughs this time, short and curt 'ok fair, u were the one that took me down afterall' and from then on schlatt lives w techno and phil and eventually tommy and then without tommy (tommy was Not happy when he found out that schlatt was living with techno but he needed somewhere to stay too and techno happens to live in an arctic tundra where only a handful of people know how to get to so he didnt complain too much) and eventually techno saws off schlatts horns at the bend adn removes them from his eyes bc if they kept growing into his head theyd hit his brain and kill him on top of blinding  him and techno gags and almost throws up despite not being sensitive to gore  and gives schlatt a bandanna to cover the holes in his head for everyones sake and once they heal somewhat he can find something else out and thats how they live, schlatt helps with what he can like farming w phil but mostly spends his time learning braille or something so he can read and techno gets him books in braille so he isnt bored or alone like he was in the prison and he feeds him and takes care of him and schlatt is funny and entertaining despite being blinded by something from his own body and the torture it was like to rot in a cell alone for almost a 1/4 of a year and nights when techno gets home late and hes shaken and the voices are bad schlatt will sit behind him and play with his hair and talk abt his own day and rub technos back and in return when schlatt relapses and gets violent and angry techno will wash his hair and read him stories until he calms down and hopefully asleep and no one told him the news that wilbur died so when ghostbur shows up and starts talking to him he treats him the same as he would wilbur bc he cant see that hes a ghost all thats different is his speech pattern and overall personality and one day he says 'ur different wilbur what happened to that, i dunno spark u used to have' and wilbur simply 'im not sure if im being honest a lot abt me has changed since i died, or so im told i dont remember much from when i was alive' and schlatt just 0_0 and then hes scrambling down the ladder and stumbling around the house looking for techno, finding him in the basement working on something and when he gets there hes out of breath and his hands are shaking bc holy shit wilburs not only dead but a ghost and he was just talking to me and he doesnt remember what i did and and and and techno is shocked to see schlatt in the basement and asks whats up and schlatt just 'wilbur died wilbur fucking died tech why didnt anyone tell him and now hes a ghost hes a fucking ghost who lives in ur house and doesnt remember anything he doesnt remember that he blew up lmanberg does he he remembers my name but not anything that i did what hes a fucking ghost techno hes a ghost holy fuck' and technos just standing there like ??? no one no one told him 'yea philza had to kill him after he blew up lmanberg i thought u knew thats why i didnt say anything' oh. 'phil, phil had to kill him?' 'yea its a touchy subject, dont bring it up' and simply goes back to what he was working on so schlatt sits on the ground by the ladder and listens to him work his brain going a mile a minute trying to comprehend whats going on 'would i have become a ghost if theyd chosen to execute me?' 'its hard to say im unsure if theres specific circumstances that contribuite to someone becoming a ghost but theres really no telling' and goes back to working yet again and from then on they fall into an easy schedule of techno going out and doing whatever an anarchist terrorist w a murder record does on ur average wednesday and schlatt stays home reading and organizing whatever he can based on size and feeling and sleeping in windowsills and schlatt greeting techno comes home beaten up and full of new resources and a side of bruises and cuts so he tends to them, getting better at maneuvering and functioning without needing to see then techno making dinner and then curling up by the fire for the night enjoying each others company as they talk abt their days :]

[is-that-another-soulmate-au]

Zukka Soulmate AU part 10

@mypureessence

@chaoticidiott

@ari-shipping-stuff

@knightedbot

@idkhowbutimgayer

@swampy-beans

@angrylittleintrovert

"Okay... so what are we doing here... exactly? I thought you guys needed to.. uh train and stuff?" Lily said as she walked behind Sokka

"Thats what I've been trying to tell them! But does anyone listen to Sokka? No!" Sokka was fuming

"I... uh.. I listen to you" Zuko offeres

"Oh yeah! You think that just because we happen to maybe possibly be soulmates that I'll forgive you for everything! Just like that! I mean come on you-"

"Shhh! You have to be quiet or you'll scare them off!" Aang interrupted the pair

Sokka turned to glare at Zuko "this discussion isn't over"

Lily walked to Aang "hey, thats a flute isn't it? I play the pan flute"

"Really? Did you bring it with you? Here sit sit!!"

"What I- woah!" She was pulled down and just reserved to sit cross legged "I didnt bring it but I'm sure Tarren can bend me up one, he made me my other ones and fixed them up all the time"

"Huh? Oh pan flute right" Tarren gave a small sigh before breaking off a piece of rock from the small Boulder he was leaning on and shapped it into a flute "have at it buzzy" Tarren said while handing it to Lily and placing a small kiss on her head.

Kurt gave a pout from the boulder Tarren came from only to be met by a forehead kiss of his own which made him turn beet red and fluster.

"Thanks hun, uh... okay, so I know how to play but what are we doing?" Lily gave a shy grin

Aang smirked "juuuust watch" he played a quick not and an animal popped up singing the note.

Lily's eyes lit up with joy "oh! Oh my gods! There used to be a small group of these behind my family's house! Oh! Watch this" She then played three notes at one time which made three jump and sing the notes before going back in "oh! Oh! This is fun! You chose the best spot Aang!"

"Heh... thanks"

"Okay! Thats enough playing flute practice! We have a mission you guys!" Sokka opened a map "we need to keep. Moving."

"Hey, Sokka, loosen up okay? We have all of Aangs bending teachers with us right here, whats wrong with a little relaxation?" Katara reasoned

Sokka fumed and glared at Zuko "fine, so long as I have a moment to talk to mister blue band over here!"

"I thought you... liked it.." Zuko reached up to the necklace and undid it "you... you tied it there..."

"I know I tied it there but now the more I look at it the angrier I get so just!" Sokka paused and let out a breath "wear it where you had it before please?"

Zuko stiffened and then choked out a "yeah... uh, yeah. Of course"

"My turn for a vacation!" Katara called out before running to the map. "Hey! This place looks nice!"

"Oh yeah! The springs! Its a really nice place, you'll love it!"

And cut to a sign falling. "Must have... changed ownership in the last hundred years?" He gave a nervous laugh.

Walking into the bar Aang managed to run into the guy who's smoothie they just watch get made. Turned out to be a researcher. However Lily seemed on edge "I swear to you Tarren! I. Saw. Him. I dont know if it was actually him or just someone who looked like him but it..."

"Who? Who did you see?" Kurt pipd up while standing beside his mates

"One of the men who attacked my parents, but it couldn't have been him, Tarren and Fin killed all three of them that night." Lily gave a small sigh "im probably just stressed is all, Im sure it was just the desert getting to me"

"At the Library!!" The trio turned to find that they were now about to travel the desert to find the lost library of... wan shi who now? Jee and Iroh decided to stay behind and sit this one out, these drinks aren't going to drink themselves you know.

Flying on the bison was still a little frightening but with Kurt and Tarren clinging to her for dear life Lily felt like a mother hen, they were both such powerful benders and yet they clung to her for safety.

Sokka on the otherhand steered as clear of Zuko as he could. Katare took note of that and turned to him "why are you being such an ass?"

"What? What do you mean? I'm not being an ass to Zuko?"

"I never said you were being an ass to Zuko I just said you were being an ass"

Sokka sighed "okay, fine, Im just... I still don't want to believe its true okay? I mean... it can't be right? Me? A souther watertribesman and him a fire prince? Its crazy talk right?"

"Souls don't care about titles or nations Sokka"

"I know I know-"

"And thats not all that's making you act this way is it?"

Sokka gave her a hard stare "look, I just want to spend my vacation time peacefully... okay?"

Katara gave upon convincing him to talk and just sighed "whatever, it'll come out eventually"

"There it is!" Toph called out and everyone but Lily turned to look at it.

Lily face palmed as Toph Sasser everyone "seriously... how do you keep forgetting that about her?"

"Beats me, theyre all pretty dense, even your two are dense" Lily and Toph laughed and Lily gave both of her boys noogies

"Yeah, but thats how I like them. Cute, powerful, and dumb as a bag of rocks" she teased

"Hey!" The pair said in unison

"Whats that over there!" Sokka shouted.

They soon landed right by a pillar and found it to be part of the library. "Wow, its underground huh? And its in perfect condition?"

"Yep!"

"Youre brilliant Toph"

"I know"

"No really.. youre amazing" Lily looked at Toph with a grin "and Im certain you'll get the hang of sand in no time"

"Come on Lily! Are you coming or not?" Sokka called out.

Lily went with Katara Sokka Aang and Kurt to find some clues about the firenation. While Zuko and Tarren stayed with Toph to guard the library and Appa.

Landing in the library Lily was at a loss for words, perhaps she could find some in the many pages of these books. No time for that though wan shi tong has found them and the researcher has some massive guts to just jump out and talk to the owl.

"Something worth your time?" Lily asked

"Yes, anything to add to my collection"

"Would a book in Braille be of use to you?" She offered one of the braille learning books she brought

"Braille? What is that?"

"Oh! Its a recent invention... a good friend of mine made it so that his blind friend could read, it can be done by anyone with paper and this tool" she pulled out the braille press "I have two of these with me so this is yours if you'd like it."

"I haven't heard of this yet, perhaps my little helpers aren't as attentive as they claim to be"

"No! No, I'm sure they're very attentive... this hasn't taken off quite yet, its been in the process for about a decade now but... well... most people don't care for it, say its too difficult to teach a blind kid to read bumps"

"Many people are nit very wise... regardless, you are free to browse the library... for now"

And with that they split up to find something. Anything. Kurt and Lily went one way while the others went another.

"So.. uh, Lily, since you guys know I'm your soulmate now. Do you think that uh.. I could..."

"You could what?" Lily gave a raised brow and a tilt in her hips.

"Uh... nothing! It was stupid anyways" kurt rubbed his neck anxiously

"Kurt just spit it out! Whatever you wanted to say just say it." Lily demanded

"Okay okay! I was just wondering if maybe I could get... some.. affection? Like uh, hugs and kisses and stuff..." kurt shifted awkwardly on his feet.

Lily softened her expression and giggled "oh Kurt, of course you can, we figured you didn't want any affection, you just need to ask is all"

"How about.. uh... now?"

"Now? Like.. right now?" Lily flushed "bold... I like it" she laughed "come here cub"

"Cub!? I what is it with you guys and short play nicknam- mm!" And just like that he shut up. Lily had him pinned with her leaning down to give him a kiss

"You talk too much, now lets keep looking arou-"

"Kurt?"

Kurt and Lily's eyes both went wide at the sound of that voice. That voice that they both apparently knew. It was him. He was here and he was alive.

But how?

[fipindustries]

TENET, i have *many* thoughts

ok, that was a mess.

so.

This movie is nolan at his most cocky and self indulgent. it is in many ways nolan at his worst. this is the quintessential example of what a bad christopher nolan movie looks like, this is the movie that every person that disliked nolan has been talking about all along. to quote the northern caves:

is undeniably imaginative; it probably has the most dizzyingly elaborate plot ever featured in a work of children's literature. Does that make it complex? No, it makes it complicated. And between those two little words is a world of difference.

Salby's plotting builds hierarchically, inexorably, unforgivingly. Every new development serves as scaffolding for the next, and any idea or event, however minor, however many pages or books ago it was introduced, can serve as fodder for new narrative contortions. The result is a reading experience that recreates with eerie accuracy the atmosphere of the schoolroom. Salby demands academic devotion; everything will be on the test

Sean Carruth’s masterpiece Primer has a lot of its hermetical power resting on the fact that it is presented in the most opaque and confusing way possible. Entire plot points are skipped or merely alluded to in throwaway lines, which make what would already be a really complicated plot much more impenetrable than it already is. But what primer does to compensate for this and what Tenet lacks, is time to breathe, presentation, atmosphere, mood, all the necessary components of movie making.

a lot of what happens in this movie occurs almost in a slapdash fashion, as if it had been pushed and churned out the editing room as fast as possible. this movie feels like a five episode long miniseries crammed as awkwardly as possible into two hours and a half. Not because it suggest to impenetrable depths or to a larger breathing world beyond the film but because it is missing entire sections that would have helped us get acclimated to the world, the settings, the events and most important of all, the characters.

the characters are all function over form, they are a collection of basic traits and lines, all whose main function is to exposit and make the plot move according to nolans convoluted design. i could probably have a lot more to say about this but sadly i couldnt pay any attention to what the emotional core in this movie was supposed to be, busy as i was trying to stop my eyes from glazing over the plot.

in some ways this feels like michael bay, there is a clear priority on looking cool, and sexy and glamorous which borderlines on fetishistic (nolan seems to be desperate to make a james bond film but since he cant he decides to make his own bond, with time travel and hookers) the only difference is that nolan has different ideas from Bay about what counst as “cool” or “glamorous” or “sexy”. instead of going for gaudy, over the top douchy excess, he prefers sleek, sophisticated, anodine elegance.

in fact i almost dare to be so bold as to say that the entire premise of this movie, for all its pretense of carefully calculated, metodic, intricate well thought out rules, it really seems to follow exclusively the rule of cool. the very first scenes where the conceit is introduced it already feels stupid. and then the rest of the movie builds on top of that shaky foundation and i was never able to get over that initial stumble. spoilers ahead.

the general conceit here is NOT that things are moving backwards through time, but that “their entropy is inverted”. so, for example, if a bullet flies backwards from a crater into the gun, it is not because the line of causality goes backwards and it was some how “postdetermined” to get reverse fired, it is because someone aimed a gun at that crater and in that moment the bullet decided that was the gun that shot it, it could have been any other empty gun, wielded by any gunman and it could have happened whenever the gunman decided it was time for it to happen. so it is still us going forwards in time what decide when things are falling up, or getting repaired from exploding, or being shot backwards, simply by waiving our hands on top of it. it is not time travel is just a fancy form of telekinesis. which is bullshit.

and it is this central bit of gobbledygook what explains all further convolutions that spiral outwards. add on top of this ever increasing forms of quintuple crossing, sextuple agents, shell companies within fake agencies, within false fronts from a mediocre spy novel on steroids and you get a recipie for the audience being unable to give a shit about what is even going on.

i need to stress at one point the movie explains the grandfather paradox, as if people didnt already know about it and as if it had anything to do with the actual plot.

so this is a bad movie, right? it sound pretty close and shut.

well

thing is, i am a huge fucking nerd, primer is one of my favourite movies of all time, the homestuck interlude at the end of act 3 is the greatest piece of media i have ever read, i have written pages upon page analyzing almost nowhere, i can keep throwing names around: fleek, fine structure, hpmor, im not telling you these titles to brag about how smart i am for liking big brain boy stories, im telling you this to emphasize that i love weird intricate messes to pick apart and unravel and boy tenet is a fine example of that.

i cant help but respect how unconcerned with being liked this movie is. nolan is doing whatever the fuck he wants according to his ridiculous designs and is paying no heed to people enjoying the show.

but on the other hand, every time i finished one of the stories i just mentioned my first reaction was that of a kid coming out of a disney ride, i wanted to go immediatly back, this time with pen and paper, ready to draw diagrams, to chart formulas, to parse through it all at 0.5x the speed to make sure i got everything.

i certainly would have to do that for this movie, the problem is that i dont particularly care to. it doesnt feel like a fun puzzle to solve, it feels like homework, homework to figure out a movie that im not even sure i liked all that much.

which is a pity, maybe some day ill go back, ready to understand it all, but that day is not soon. tenet, it could have been great.

[mousehole5000]

 this is it... the final post.... 226 through THE END!!!!!

this shit with mu qing and the river of lava is SOOOO dramatic im loving it

oh my god theyre on a FUCKING bridge of course they are okay let’s go boys

“You’re right. We’re alike. You think me odd, I think you to be rather weird too.” - so what im getting from this is that xie lian and mu qing are the only characters in this book with working gaydar okay yup got it this checks out

god... the fact that xie lian is ready to be like “look mu qing we can just forget about the past it doesnt matter we dont have to be friends i know you dont like me but im not gonna let you die over it” and then mu qing is like “.... god i really do admire you huh”

“You...certainly...are rather amazing. You’re...also...a better person...than me. Long story short, I...very much wanted...to become your f-f-friend.”  - going to think about this for the rest of all time im about to become utterly unintelligible im overcome with emotions

“And, at the end of the white silk band, Feng Xin was gripping Ruoye with one hand while the other was holding on to a steel-faced Mu Qing, and he shouted towards him.” - the fucking IMAGE of this im gonna cry this is everything i could have asked for im so happy also mu qing dangling there like “ welp. guess ill live“

“Feng Xin was almost burnt by that pillar of fire, and he shouted in outrage. “WHAT’S WITH THIS BAND OF DOG SHITS, ATTACKING PEOPLE WHILE THEY’RE DOWN, SO VILE! FUCK YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY!” Xie Lian responded, “IF THEIR ENTIRE FAMILIES ALL LOOK LIKE THAT, YOU SURE YOU WANT TO FUCK THEM??” - theyre so funny!!! and theyre best friends!!! theyre joking together now in the middle of all this i could cry theyre back!!!

“Using sticks as arrows, he held the bow with one hand and used his teeth to bite back the bowstring.” - no clue how practical this is but okay archer boy. hot

i actually have so many little quips between the three of them highlighted but we’d be here all night if i included them all. im literally so delighted by this omg worth the wait

“Each sabre strike slashed to the bone. It wasn’t like Xie Lian had never seen Hua Cheng use the sabre before in the past, but his style had always been easy and leisurely, nonchalant and casual. Rather than say he was handling a weapon, it was more like he was toying with a small knife. Yet those blade marks were filled with killing intent. It was easy to imagine just how skilled the one exchanging blows with him was, and how perilous this battle.” you have no idea how mad i was when i read this and thought we missed witnessing the fight between hc and jw omg

“Behind him, Feng Xin muttered, “Dear fucking god, may all the gods and buddhas grant their blessings, that better absolutely be Crimson Rain Sought Flower, otherwise he’s gonna go mad!” “Stop your rubbish,” Mu Qing berated. “We’re all the gods and buddhas ourselves and we can’t grant shit, just keep up with him! Look at the stumbling way he’s running, he’s gonna trip and fall to his bloody death before he even sees the man!” - okay i know i said no more quips but this is literally too funny i just wanted to read it again

“ However, for whatever reason, that vicious ghost, in its muddled state, took that large group of live mortals under its wing and fled for many days. In the end, they were still surrounded by millions of ghosts, trapped in a dead end, and it was going to be eaten along with those humans.” [...] “That vicious ghost almost made a move against those humans, but for some reason, in the end, it didn’t. It instead used one of its own eyes as the price to forge a blood weapon. That vicious ghost was already forcibly hanging on with its last breath; after digging out its eye it should’ve broken apart completely. Yet somehow something had shocked it, and it instead woke to its senses completely. “ - THIS IS AMAZING ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? IS THIS ALL WE GET ABOUT HIS GHOSTLY LORE?????? HUA CHENGGGGGGGG

“What a terrible offence, his old habit had come out, and he quickly apologized. “I’m sorry! You don’t have to listen to me!” Hua Cheng, however, only smiled happily. “Everything gege tells me is the best advice, so why wouldn’t I listen?” - this isnt the fucking time afjdkfjsdkl they really never stop

“So you can hold the illusion of a perfect Crown Prince of Wuyong to face and dismiss the Jun Wu now. Isn’t that your objective? Did you think I don’t know what you’re thinking?” “THAT’S NOT IT!” Guoshi cried. “Stop getting tied up in right and wrong, victories and defeat, I’VE NEVER THOUGHT THAT WAY BEFORE!” - jun wu only being able to see xie lian as his successor and believing that thats all anyone else sees too... okay

honestly this whole final showdown was a blast i cant put everything in but it was so much fun to read. the DRAMA the LAVA the SHOUTING t

“Hua Cheng had poured too much spiritual power into him. There really was too much, so much that it was completely outside the amount the cursed shackle could withstand.” - okay.... okay... the love you give will set you free... okay....

“With Jun Wu in his grip, he carried both their bodies and forcefully slammed into the incomparably-solid rock wall! He used all of his power in this smash, and in the rumbling and crashing of rocks, he also heard the sound of something breaking.” [...] “A moment later, Jun Wu suddenly asked, “That move. What is it called?” “...” Xie Lian raised his sleeve and wiped away the blood on the side of his face. “Shattering boulders on the chest.” YES!!!!! YES!!!!! xie lian actually lived that life!!!!!! i loved this detail so much

“After a moment of silence, Xie Lian took off the bamboo hat carried on his back, took it in his hand, and covered it over Jun Wu’s face.” - xie lian... good... another detail i love. a hat that protects from the rain, given in a moment of need, even to someone who has caused you hardship... we do not forget the kindness granted to us

“There was gratefulness, there was shame, there was heartache, there was wild joy, but above all else, there was incurable love.” - :pleading: i wish it was just that easy tbh. “i have to tell you about the worst parts of myself” “ive already seen them and i dont care i still love you“ truly the dream

“ It’s been so long since anyone listened to me talk, won’t you stay? Don’t...actually do this. I won’t be able to take it. Twice, it’s been twice already! I really don’t want there to be a third time!!!” - the bit about just wanting someone to listen to him talk... xie lian... :(

emily corpse bride moment.... i knew it had to happen.... butterflies.... death and rebirth.... inevitable

xianle trio bickering about ruoye..... mu qing complaining but not letting anyone else fix it... im so happy

“The Rain Master sat down on the spot, looking like she was going to perform a passing service for her. After all, Xuan Ji was the only one left of the Kingdom of Yushi besides herself.”  - xuan ji you sure the hell were... a character. this little moment tho..... yushi huang... many thoughts

“ Who hasn’t made promises, or swore to the mountains and the seas when they were young? Talking of affection, of love, of forevers. But, the longer I hang around in the world, the more I understand, something like ‘forever’ is impossible. It’s never going to be possible. Having it once was already good enough. No one can truly achieve it. I don’t believe in it anymore.” - jian lan im happy for you bummer it didnt work out with feng xin but yeah that was looooong ago. also this quote me same mood kin but its chill. having it once was already good enough

although yeah tbh if theres anyone who can have a forever like that... it would be a ghost and a god

fasdfjadklfj GOD... pour one out for ling wen.. but is that not the truth of this world? the one can be pardoned for being good at paperwork that no one else wants to do? isnt that the plot of the shawshank redemption?

okay but the fact that all xie lian’s friends come to visit him while he waits for hua cheng is making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.... fengqing coming together to try to get him out of the house but get scared off by his cooking... amazing

“Last time, they spent eight hundred years running towards each other. This time, it only took an instant to fall into each other’s embrace.” - im completely unaffected by this. im not lying i swear (i am lying im very emotionally affected)

okay i love this final wrap up chapter party its so fun. mu qing moving on from the broom thing!!! good for him!! the beggars get their reward!!! the fun ghost city chefs!! SQX!!!! and he xuan is?? here too??? he’s hungry??? fjadlkfjsdl

“The grounds that Feng Xin and Mu Qing had just swept were once again filthy from that giant crowd of muddy feet. Mu Qing gripped his broom, looking like he felt someone had infected him with fleas, and his eyes were wide.” - me when my dad comes into the kitchen when ive just finished washing dishes i get it king

the little folklore bit... fun!!! oh my god its over..... :(

that was really fun i had a blast reading it and on the whole really liked it i WISH soo badly that hua cheng had gotten more outside of being cunty and devoted even tho those are both important i just wish there was more about like how he got by during those 800 years and like did he ever have doubts? what shaped his worldview was it all xie lian or was it his experience as a mortal as well? why is he so mean to e’ming? theres bits and pieces here and there and i know it was already SO long but that really would have been great if there was more about hc cuz tbh by the end, at least for me, the hualian relationship didnt actually feel as fleshed out as the xianle trio relationship like i still liked hualian’s dynamic and it was really sweet how much they clearly really liked each other and  everything but i kind of wish some of the other subplots had been dropped or diminished in favor of more hc development i think that would have been cool

but anyway thats some of my thoughts and i really did enjoy the hell out of book 5 that was a riot and uhhh thanks to everyone who read these or commented *lends you spiritual energy through a high five*

[krowfics]

(I wrote all of this at 4am. it is very much a ramble)

Ok. Ok hear me out. Seriously just listen. Oh my god. Ok. So???

Warrior Cats Soulmate AU

Has this been done before?? I've never heard of it but I haven't read that many wc fanfics so it wouldn’t surprise me if it has

Here, have some bullet points

Some cats have matching patterns on their fur, they aren't usually to noticeable and are often similar in shape/obscured by other markings so it's hard to tell which cats match until they touch.

When soulmates touch for the first time, their mark turns white and gets a clearer shape

Soulmates are believed to be a gift from Starclan but are actually from the ancients (or whatever force is giving Starclan prophecies about the Three)

Obviously Starclan acts like they control it because they're fucking Starclan

It is very common for cats to have multiple soul marks and it's often clearly and strictly platonic

Firestar has three soulmates, the first is Graystripe

This is why he was brought into Thunderclan

Yes- the prophecy of fire was still going on but Rusty would've been invited in no matter what because it's expected for cats to move clans to be with their soulmate even though having a soulmate in another clan is rare

If/when they do move clans, they're still judged and distrusted, their old clan would likely hate them

Firestar’s second is Spottedleaf

He’s her only soulmate, this would be why she’s so obsessed with him even though they were friends for like less than a book

Graystripe has two soulmates: Firestar and Silverstream, the latter's soul marks were like, on their bellies or something so it was easier to hide

Fireheart is super divided on this because he was in love with Graystripe, but he still chose to help hide the secret because he wants Graystripe to be happy

Sandstorm doesn't have a soulmark, she and Fire fall in love regardless

Ravenpaw and Barley are soulmates, which is a relief to Gray and Fire when they helped Raven run away

Bluestar and Oakheart were soulmates, she has a large scar on her shoulder from an injury she got on purpose just to mask it

(maybe she through herself onto a rock,,, not knowing that that’s how her soulmate will eventually die aaa)

Firestar's third Soulmate was Onestar, neither willing to leave their clan, but they couldn't hide it (and didnt consider injuring themselves over it)

This is the main reason why Onestar tries so hard to prove himself as someone not reliant on help from Thunderclan

And is also why Firestar is so quick to forgive him once they’re both in Starclan

(Maybe they date after they die? but only after Sandstorm dies so they know she’s cool with it,, :o maybe all three of them date?? idk man i just ship things)

Jake and Tallstar are soulmates because of course they are

Jake didn't even know a soulmate was a thing, most nonclan cats dont, so he doesn't think it's that big of a deal when they separate at the end of the book

But Talltail had always intended on living out his life with his soulmate

It was his comfort whenever his mom was mad at him for existing or when his dad talked about him not being a tunnel digger like expected or when the other apprentices called him Wormkit

He’d tell himself it didn't matter, all of it would be okay, because one day he'd be with another cat who loved him no matter what and they could fend of the world together

And then they break up, and Talltail gets so sad some nights because he lost his one coping mechanism, he couldn’t hope to find a soulmate when said soulmate was already found, and though things were much better for him in the clan, it didn't help much on lonely nights

His new comfort was that Jake was going to have a son, he knew this thanks to Starclan telling him, and he'd do everything in his power to act like a better father to Fire than his own father was to him

Squirrelflight and Leafpool are soulmates

This is purely platonic, they are siblings, it is completely normal for siblings to be each other's soulmates

Soulmates are never considered an inherently romantic thing

Their soul marks are what allows them to communicate in the earlier books before the erins forgot that they had super powers

Brambleclaw has five soul marks, Tawnypelt, his sister, is the first and Squirrelflight is the second

Firestar is very protective over his kits and though he sees Bramble as a son, he also sees him as Tigerstar's clone

he's very passive aggressive to Bramble for a while after the discovery even though he knows it's illogical to be mad

He gets paranoid on top of this anger when Cinderpelt receives the tiger and fire prophecy

The four journey prophecy cats are chosen because they are all soulmates

Stormfur's soulmates are his sister, Feathertail and Brook Where Small Fish Swim

Feathertail has four, the prophecy cats plus her brother

(The prophecy cats are Brambleclaw, Tawnypelt, Feathertail, and Crowpaw)

Tawnypelt's fourth soulmate is Rowanstar

Crowfeather’s fourth is Leafpool

Leafpool has three: Squirrelflight, Crowfeather, and Mothwing

Mothwing doesn't believe in the mark, and wills herself into thinking that she always had that spot of white

This breaks Leafpool's heart because she was so in love with this Riverclan cat but refused to admit it to herself

(Medicine cats aren't supposed to leave for their soulmate's clan as the relationship is supposed to always be platonic, and they can ignore boarder rules to visit their soulmates)

Brambleclaw's fifth mark is Hawkfrost

They figure out they're siblings almost immediately after the mark appears

This is a very toxic relationship, obviously, and the mark is used to help guilt trip Bramble into training in the dark forest

Ashfur has no soul marks but he 'loves' Squirrelflight

He tries, and maybe succeeds, to get Bramble and Squirrel to break up by pointing out that Bramble has five soul mates (the most of all the cats in Thunderclan) so it's okay if she isn't his mate

Or alternatively: he says that Bramble won't miss her if she leaves him because he has so many soulmates to fall back on

(Ignoring the fact that two are his siblings and one is dead. Really the only one available is Crowfeather,, who’s a little procupied lol)

I might write more on this idk