#i dont even need the money theres no fucking reason i should be working 30 hours a week lol

[kinemortophobian]

-

[videostak]

ya theyre leaving at like 10 rn i am not going to that 6am swap meet. fuck my life ugh... like obv gonna be waken in the middle of the night when they get back ._. srsly can they be considerate of my life for fucking once. like knowing that i do this for work and is my only source of money and then to do something like that on a total whim and try to downplay how it will affect my sleep and morning tomorrow is srlsy making me so pissed.. like the amount of effort i and to an extent my sister will go to to be considerate of others just to have her do shit like this is so infuriating. like literally my job for a record store that needs inventory desperately and i cant fucking go cause of my asshole inconsiderate mom. reaaaaallly great. i mean best case scenario i can drive up to the estate sale tahts supposed to be at 8. id have to leave at liiiike idk 6:30. so probably not that too. should try to go to the other 8:00 swap meet too or the yard sale but starting to feel real uncomfortable abt going to the swap meet cause of all the stuff around that. so annoying for me to plan all this out just for her to shit all over it cause she wants an excuse to get drunk and trauma dump to her cousin and make to put her cousin in a super awkward weird position. sucha  genuinely awful person ugh.... i mean idk i should goo tomorrow but like really dont kno if ill be able to get up in time. idk i think ill still push rly hard ill try to get a coffee tomorrow at mcdonalds and stuf but like idk just so fucking annoyed rn like dude this is literally my job right now that A LOT of things are riding on have some fucking respect and learn when ur making things much more difficult for ppl. what annoys me so much is when i told her that i wouldnt be able to go tomorrow if she went out as late as shes planning to she just tried to go supportingly “ok we’re gonna go at 10 and tomorrow u can go wherever u want and dont worry about it :)” while just ignoring what i said. lol. something abt idk if all parents are like this or if most are but like that level of being so in denial abt everything that u just respond to any attempt at talking things out with this very fake positivity vibe is so awful. like she does it so much whenever something comes up thats a problem and its so annoying. she did it thursday too when i wasnt sure if i was gonna be able to go cause of my dads dog and she ignored what we said and cut us off and went dont worry ill handle it all :) even tho it was like not even clear what she would be “handling” cause she just wanted to get us to stop talking abt it.  like not even aware of how my dad lets the dog in without warning and how the cats and the dog need to be watched cause he’ll start playing rough. like idk what to even do when ppl genuinely just do not listen to anything u tell them at all. theres no reason for me to tell her something before hand cause she’ll just do whatever the fuck she originally intended to and then try to “discuss” it or apologize after even if youve already had a what u thought was productive conversation days before abt it. like on the first weekend i drove to the swap meet i had told her before i was gonna let the dogs in the back right i went to let her kno beforehand and she agreed there was no argument no even hint at there being a disagreement so i thought things were good and then when i actually was gonna leave she was like no dont let them out theyll bark its too early and i had to get my sister to get her to agree to let them out. like srlsy sooo annoying same thing happens A LOT when having to schedule things shell be in complete agreeance and then when the time comes to do smthn she will like bring up something out of nowhere that she def knew b4 hand  but was just waiting to bring up last second. like she’ll say we should schedule smthn for the vet on a day and then reveal that the vets actually closed that day when that day actually comes etc. or will lie and say it is. like i need to take the cats to the vet soon cause cassettes worms are still present and dendy needs to get neutered and she said she’d call monday even tho its smthn shes already been lagging on for a long time so im just like waiting to see what excuse she’ll bring up then or if she actually does intend to call. like she could bring up an excuse or just spend the whole day in her room and ignore it when i bring it up. ughhh well i will try to go tomorrow i think. i mean im gonna shave and shower just incase i do. i dont think ill wear shorts tho not rly feeling it atm since i could be nervous if i do go to the yard sale. but willl rly have to see

[stillnotgoodformymentalhealth]

bruh I just read the most fucking intense reddit story possible I am so sad.

Text and link under cut if you wanna be sad too

I hate my special needs sister and I'm done hiding it

Original post by u/tomcThrowaway009373 in r/TrueOffMyChest

I hate my special needs sister and I'm done hiding it - August 13, 2022

When my younger sister was born, she almost died from hypoxia. She suffered severe brain damage, to the point where doctors doubted she would survive. She has survived to 16 years old now, however, she is about as close to brain dead as a living person can get. She cant move, she can't communicate, she can't eat or drink on her own. She has no control over her bowels so she has to wear diapers. She will never get better and she will never live a normal life.

Despite that, my mother has ruined our family hoping she will have a "miracle" and recover. My mother has spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on my sister. Everything from wheelchairs to doctors visits. We had to live in a one bedroom apartment for 11 years because my mother spent all of the money she made on my sister. Nothing she bought made any difference. She will always be a drooling mess.

Since my mother believes she will get better, she made me treat her like she was a real sister. I lost all my friends growing up because my mom made me take her everywhere I went. If I told my mom that I was going to the park, she would say,

"Oh, a park, that sounds like something Jess would like, take her with you."

Not once did she stop to think about how absurd she sounded talking to her. One time, my mom took her to a movie theatre. They made it barely 30 minutes through the movie before staff kicked her out because my sister was making so much noise coughing and choking on her saliva.

Despite all this, I somewhat tolerated my sister, until a few hours ago. I mentioned to my mother that I had planned a date with a girl I met at work. My mom said,

"That sounds like fun, but Im having coffee with a friend from college, so can you take care off Jess while im gone?"

I told her that i couldnt because of my date, and suggested that she hire a babysitter. My mother then said that I should just take her with me.

And i just exploded. I told her how stupid she was for suggesting such a thing. Bring my severely disabled, crippled sister along with me on a date with a girl, because you are too lazy to hire a sitter? How crazy are you to think thats a good idea? Every moment of my life has been about Jess. Im not supposed to have a career or a family of my own because I need to take care of Jess when my mom dies. My mom even discouraged my from going to college because then I wouldnt be there to take care of her. I told her how much damage she has done to the family because of my sister. We struggled financially my entire life not because my mom is low income, but because she spent all our money on Jess. We drove a crappy 1996 subaru outback for years, and my mom "couldnt afford to buy a new car" but she had no problem shelling out thousands to see a specialist doctor who will say the same thing every other doctor has.

My sister is a glitch. Shes not supposes to be here. She will never live a normal life. Theres no reason she shouldnt be put in a home.

Im just so frustrated right now. Im thinking about cutting ties with her, and reconnecting with my father. My dad divorced her once he realised that the rest of his life was going to be taking care of jess. I cant fault him. My mom forbid me from contacting him, but hes not the bad guy here.

I hate my special needs sister and I'm done hiding it - August 13, 2022 UPDATE 8/13: Thank you all for your kind words. I realise now that my emotions should be placed towards my mother instead of my sister. As for everyone who says i should contact my father, that is my plan but hes not easy to reach. I havent spoken to him or seen him for a very long time and he lives across the country. I dont have any way to get his number or email address, so im looking through facebook and instagram to see if he may have an account i can message. I also dont have anyone on his side of the family who i can ask to get us in touch.

As for my living situation i am still living at home. I plan to stay for a while longer until i have saved enough to afford an apartment or enlist in the navy. I work part time while im in community college so im not making much. I hope i will have another update in the near future, and i hope things get better.

UPDATE - I hate my special needs sister and I'm done hiding it. - September 8, 2022

UPDATE - I hate my special needs sister and I'm done hiding it.

My mom is dead. I came home to a bunch of police cars around my home. My mom hung herself, and a neighbor saw her from the window. I didnt get a look at her and im glad i didnt. I dont think i could handle seeing anyone like that. She seemed stressed a couple days before but i didnt expect this. Right now plans are getting set to place Jess in a home. She will have around the clock care. Im not sure what stage of grief im at right now. I have a place to stay for a while, and im getting my finances in place. I miss my mom. She wasnt a good mom bit she was my mom.

I tried reaching out to my father through a family member on his side. To make a long story short, he basically said that he had moved on from us, and that he didnt want me intruding on his new family. Pretty much what i expected, but it still hurt to hear my dad say he wants to forget about me.

Im staying at a friends house right now. Im working and im doing school. Things are still rough but im pushing through. Thanks for all the well wishes.

Reminder - I am not the original poster.

[year2000electronics]

i actually don't have an opinion on either, so i'm curious: what do you hate about youtooz? (the price is way too much though i agree)

ok. so. first things first the REASON i compare these two series, and i believe it IS a fair comparison, is that they both serve the same role in their respective merchandising niches: a brand with a certain style that most figures conform to that is famous (or rather, notorious) for covering ridiculous amounts of media and their style being... well, depends who you ask. its just that funko pop covers mainstream media most of the time, basically anything that a big company can fund, whereas youtooz is for internet icons and independent creators 

and the BIGGEST point is the price point. 

so just using pops official website and my own personal knowledge as a jumping off platform, i know that the whole reason pops are so simplistic and accessible is because they’re meant to be easily accessible collectibles for the mainstream audience! theyre supposed to be neat little collectibles that are easy to get and easy to produce (which is how they maintain the price) 

the price here says these star trek funko pops are 11 bucks, and just from personal experience ive seen pops go for anywhere from 9 bucks to 15 bucks, with some really common pops even making their way to the dollar store! so if youre a fan of star trek who doesnt have CRAZY disposable income and you just wanna nab a spock, hey. there you go. 

now, vaulted pops and chase variants (basically pops that arent currently being restocked in stores, and rarer simple variants to already made models ie. gold mario) rack up a lot of money on auction sites, but this happens with literally every figure and limited item so its really not like, a pop problem. imo their goal of being simple, accessible collectibles for anyone to collect and enjoy WORKS.

now here ive got some figures from youtooz and- HUH. LOOK AT THAT. 30 US DOLLARS. (again, even more for me in canada!) now, i know that its not TOTALLY ridiculous bc even though theyre around the same height, funko pops have more hollow plastic and theres probably more complex designs but the REASON i do not think that these are worth as much as they are is because

2. THEY ARE UGLY. 

ive done a little sketch here trying to analyze the sort of design philosphies of the ‘pop style’ and the ‘youtooz style’ and i think both have their ups and downs.

i will give youtooz the point for the dynamic poses theyre usually in, as that usually makes the figure a lot more interesting, which you REALLY need if your figure has absolutely no articulation

look at the youtooz charlie brown doing a baseball- hes in the middle of an action pose, and it has a GREAT silhouette. 10/10 posing. some of the youtooz posing really fucking sucks but overall its got better pose quality 

but a lot of pops are Just Standing There. 

BUT overall i think funko pop has the stronger style. funko pop’s style has a REASON to be the way it is. why? because many of the first pop lines were just one in dozens and hundreds of already existing toy lines! so it needs a distinct style to not only give credence to a ‘collection’ mentality, but also distinguishing them from other lines of the same brand

like, there are so many different c-3pos out there, so i KNOW im getting a funko pop c-3po bc like. look at him. 

so then, i ask you, WHY does youtooz need a ‘unifying style’? why do internet creators need to conform to this style? because both the reasons i listed above just, do not apply here! one, these are often the ONLY figures made for these creators, and two, there is NOBODY who is collecting youtooz. the point of youtooz is that there are LIMITED DROPS, targeted SPECIFICALLY at fans of THAT creator. which is why they announce it on their channel! so theres no NEED to use this ugly UGLY style! and yet they do!!!

another thing the youtooz style sucks ass with is, like, the default expression. for funko pops, the default expression is usually a neutral, which SOME say is creepy or offputting but IMO. its like, a blank slate. a resting natural that could be anything and that works as these figures dont exist IN motion. look at hello kitty! she doesnt have a mouth and its used to her advantage 

but the closed eyes just fucking- its CONFUSING. especially in an expression thats not all smiley. its a confusing expression and usually a closed-eyes emotion isnt something that... stays on the face for that long? ik its a stylization choice but i dont LIKE it. theres no point of eye contact here. the posture suggests theyre looking SOMEwhere, like this rando throwing a thumbs up to the ‘viewer’ but his eyes are closed

AND THREE i just think funko pop does... ‘compromise’ better. so compromise is like, when something just WILL NOT FIT in your style. even if the reason for having that style is STUPID. funko pop has a better track record with bringing that style into synthesis with their own. yeah yeah you can strawman that fucking dory pop all you want but listen. there are GOOD EXAMPLES of this. 

look at this peashooter! hes adorable!! and the funko nose and lack of mouth get broken here. but LOOK HES SO CUTE

this pvz zombie breaks EVERY rule of the design. a non-standard nose, a body not smaller than the head, eyes that arent all black, MOUTH. but like. look at him! you know its a funko pop anyways bc its a small cute version of the zombie!!

now lets see how YOUTOOZ compromises. 

oh- oh wow. so uh, you saw a character whose big eyes are CRUCIAL to their design and instead of going ‘i know ill make the closed eyes bigger’ you go HMM LETS MAKE THE CLOSED EYES THE PUPILS’. wow. thats- okay.

tldr youtooz sucks and if it should exist it shouldnt force every figure to be the same stupid style. also who wants to pay for memes.

[tastyykpop]

𝑆𝑤𝑒𝑒𝑡 𝐶𝑜𝑟𝑟𝑢𝑝𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛-ρ† 2

Pairings: enemy, student, barista!jaemin x student, barista!reader, (very small) taemin x reader

Suggestive, slight angst (you have to squint), fluff

<previous- next>

Warnings: dom!jaemin, brat!reader, brat taming kinda, possessiveness, degradation, praise, thigh riding, choking a lot, pet names, jealousy

a/n : here we go again👨‍🦯

"Is it true? Her and jaemin?" Students whispered amongst themselves and thats all you heard today, wondering why they were even talking about you and him. It was strange really, jaemin was nicer and there were very little pranks and even then, they weren't as bad as what they used to be.

"Y/n! Oh my god I can't believe it!" Yeri jumped with a smile plastered on her face, "Are you and jaemin together?"

You twisted your face in confusion. Is that what people think? "What!? No! Where did you even get that from?" You questioned.

Yeri smirked and leaned closer, "I heard from jeno that you both fucked." She leaned back, "is that true?"

"I- well thats not entirely wrong but what does that have to do with him and I dating?"

"Jaemins been nicer with you and there's rarely ever pranks. I mean, anyone with a brain could tell that something is up." Yeri pointed out. She raised an eyebrow as you glanced around, making sure no one can hear you.

"Okay yes me and jaemin did have sex, but seriously we aren't dating. And I'm just as shocked as you about the way he's acting." You whisper-yelled at your friend. She mouth fell into an 'o' shape as she nodded, then attempted to walk away until you grabbed and brought her back, "wait im missing something." You squinted, "please dont tell me everyone in the school knows."

"Okay I wont." She shrugged and tried to walk away again but your hand gripped her arm tighter, "Ow, did you get stronger?"

"Yeri I'm serious! No one was supposed to know and now everyone knows!" You slowly let go of her and stared at the ground, "i swear Im gonna kill that boy!"

Yeri snickered and patted your shoulder, "Dont you mean fuck him?"

"YERI!!"

Order after order, customer after customer, you began to wear down after a hard days work. Irene stayed for a bit at yours and jaemins station to help since it was so busy. And it still wasn't fast enough for all the orders that just kept coming. It felt like you weren't going to finish and the shop closed at 8:30, it was currently 8:17.

"Ugh why is there so many orders at this time?" Irene groaned from exhaustion, jaemin snickered.

"Just be happy we get payed after this." He said and you all agreed.

Everything seemed to suddenly slow down at the cafe as it was beginning to close. Only a few orders were actually left and after that, you could close.

Irene and jaemin cleaned up the stations. Of course Irene left first afterwards, and you counted the money at the register. And since youve been working here for almost 2 years, counting money was just as easy as walking. But since its been super busy today, it took you a while to count some of the coins. Only once while you counted did you mess up, but you brushed it away and started again.

"Can you be any slower?" Jaemin commented, having just finished his part.

Putting the money away after counting, you put your hands on your hips like a mom scolding her child, "Whats the hurry all of a sudden?"

He only giggled and ruffled your already messy hair, "I wanna spend time with my baby."

You tried your hardest not to blush.

"No way." You swatted his hand off your head.

"And why not?" He quirked an eyebrow as you and him walked to an empty table in the cafe.

"Cuz you told jeno what we did last night and now the whole school knows. I'm kinda mad at you right now." Groaning, you hid your head in your arms trying to avoid his gaze.

You couldnt see him, but you heard the sigh and knew he was pouting at you, buy you didn't bother looking up.

"Why can't I brag about how good you were?" Jaemin questions, leaving you to groan louder.

"This isnt what I wanted..."

The boy shifted in his seat and pulled your head out your arms, his hands holding the side of your cheeks, "then what did you want?"

Your cheeks puffed as you tried to find the right words, "...to not have done what we did last night."

"So you regret it?"

You shrugged.

Jaemin leaned back and stared at you with a cold face. He has a hint as to why youre now suddenly saying this, not only because of him telling his friends, but also because of his past with you. If he wasnt pranking you, he was making fun of you, if it wasn't that, he'd make you flustered with his words or actions. Jaemin was annoying, yes, but your reactions were priceless to him. You got annoyed by jaemin and you hated him. He didnt blame you even after all this.

"I guess im not really mad at you telling him, just more confused on why you had sex with me." You started playing with a strand of fallen hair and waited for his answer.

"I did what I wanted to do from the beginning; fucking you dumb. If you think there's another reason, there isn't." Jaemin crossed his arms with a half smile.

You stopped playing with your hair and glared at him, "No no there has to be more! You're way to nice to me now for that to be it!"

"Do you think I like you?" He suddenly leaned forward. You didnt bother saying anything and sat back in the chair, "Why would I like you?"

Its been a week since your last interaction with jaemin. Literally. Theres been no pranking or anything. It was odd, but you couldn't stop thinking back to what he said when you both were alone in the cafe. Something about that kind of stung. You dont know why but, you thought maybe, just maybe, he'd actually like you. And maybe, jimin was right about about you liking him.

"Hey how was work?" Jimin asked getting up from the couch. You noticed taemin was here too and it wasn't surprising anymore as he's been coming over recently this past week.

"It was a bit busy actually." You smiled, nodding your head in taemins direction to acknowledge him and he smiled in return. Cute.

Jimin came back to his seat on the couch and handed you and taemin a clas of iced tea, "Jaemin didnt do anything again huh?"

You shook your head, "You don't understand how weird this is. Like he completely stopped interacting with me." You sighed taking a sip and seat next to taemin before ranting again, "Wait...oh my god! Did I get played? Was he really just trying to fuck me this whole time?"

"Fu- what?" Taemin zipped his head at you.

"Its a long story-"

"No its not," jimin cut you off, "basically hes kind of a bully to her and hes always doing pranks and saying some provocative things, but magically," he started flailing his hands, "jaemin started being nice, said he wanted to 'fuck her dumb' and then she was in his bed."

"....so you just...let your bully fuck you??" Taemin squinted his eyes at you and you nodded slowly. "Interesting. "

"I dont even know why. Like it just happened." You stuck out your bottom lip and laid you head on taemins shoulder, "I can't believe I did that..."

"It was bound to happen." Jimin sipped his tea.

You lifted your head slightly off of taemins shoulder and stuck your tongue out, "You know what fuck you!"

"You both are like kids." Taemin said, moving to get up.

"Hm?" Jimin looked up from his iced tea, completely obvious to what taemin said and taemin shook his head.

"I need to get back home. Jimin don't stay up too late." Jimin whined at his friend as taemin got up, "y/n, be good." You gave him a thumbs up and watched as the black haired man left.

"Jimin hes cute." You frowned.

Jimin rolled his eyes, "tell him that next time then."

You rolled over so now you were laying on jimins lap and he gave you a look of disgust, but you ignored it, "Mans is too cute for someone like me to say something."

"Dude he literally called you cute the first day he met you." Jimin said a matter of factly.

"How do you know he wasnt lying?"

Jimin scoffed, "Taemin lying? Thats like me and you dating. It just doesn't go together."

"I dont know if i should be offended or happy." You glared.

"The latter." He averted his eyes from yours and continued watching the show on t.v.

2 classes in and your were already tired. If you hadn't had stayed up so late with jimin, crying over some k-drama, maybe you wouldve gotten a good night sleep. But because of that you looked dead. You didn't even try to look your best this morning, only throwing on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt and brushing your hair back. You thought you looked okay to some extent at least. Maybe not your normal self but at least you were presentable.

There's was only so much you could handle in your class right now too. Trigonometry was definitely not your strong suit and you wondered how you even got in this class.

People were hunched over doing their work and you were struggling with question one. It was a bit embarrassing. You looked to your right for answers but they were just as lost as you, so your left was your next move.

"I dont appreciate you cheating off my paper y/n." Jaemin whispered, making sure the professor didn't hear him.

"Sorry I'm just confused.." you grumbled, placing your pencil down, jaemin gave you a look.

"Maybe if you used your head you'd get it."

"Im not dumb jaemin."

He exhaled and rubbed his face with his hands, "Come over later ill help you."

You looked at jaemins partially completed paper then back at your blank one. You needed this if you wanted to pass but you also didn't want to be with jaemin at the moment and you weren't too sure what tricks the boy had up his sleeve.

"I dont think-"

"It wasnt a question." Jaemin then went back to his work, ignoring whatever protest you had as you were about to open your mouth.

It was at this point you even planned on not going later. The only thing is he really didn't like being disobeyed and you found him a bit scary when mad. It wouldnt be right to miss out on him tutoring you anyway because jaemin was a smart guy. With his help you should be able to pass easily given a few months.

The professor ended class a few minutes early. Jaemin and you both headed to your next class when someone tapped on your shoulder, making you curiously turn around.

"TAEMIN!" you leaped up and hugged the guy around his neck as he giggled with full cheeks. "What are you doing here?"

"I changed colleges since it was closer to where I was living, but I didnt realize you were here too!" He beamed.

Jaemin stood watching you both converse and giggle over small things. He wanted so badly to drag you away from taemin but he knew you weren't going to like him very much after that. But something about the two of you laughing and subtly flirting didnt sit right with him and he didnt know why. It wasnt jealousy because why would he be jealous with you? He didn't care about you in that way. So why was this making him angry?

"Y/n lets go to class." Jaemin interrupted the two of you.

"You can go ill be in shortly." You brushed him off as if he was nothing and began talking with taemin again. Jaemin despised it but listened to you and walked away.

You were happy taemin came to this school because now it gave you a chance to get closer with him. It was definitely the small crush that grew over the week that made you feel like a 14 year old girl whenever he said something remotely sweet.

Taemin and you stood just outside of the classroom door and you gave him a quick hug and good bye before heading into the room with a big smile.

Jaemin stared at you as you walked up the steps to your seat that was a few feet away from him. The smile plastered on your face made jaemin see how much of an impact taemin really had on you.

Seulgi and sana kept glancing back at you, snickering here and there. Something your not fazed by it anymore. Probably them planning another prank or something. You also felt another set of eyes behind you and looked back to see jaemin glaring at the back of your head. Wondering why he was doing that, you crooked your head to the side then faced the front again after not receiving any response from him.

Ten minutes passed and the professor never came. Students were still all around the room talking to each other and the room was noisy. You decided to just ignore everyone and focus on any work you could, everything other than trig. You were saving that for jaemin.

"Hey nana," jaemin looked away from you and gazed up at seulgi who was now standing in front of him, "theres a party later at Wendy's and joys house. You coming?"

You put the pencil down and started biting your nails, wondering what he would actually say, not that he would ditch on you, but still.

"Im working later." He simply said, seulgi rolled her eyes playfully.

"Ill come pick you up after just bring clothes."

Jaemin raised a brow, "ill be too tired to go."

He was starting to get on seulgis nerves as she grit her teeth, "Then ill come over after school."

You scoffed and rolled your eyes wondering why she was trying so hard. Clearly the boy didn't want to go, or at least go with her. You didnt understand how she couldn't see that.

"Can't im helping someone with trig after."

She leaned over his desk, jaemin not really fazed by anything as she kept coming closer, "I have a feeling you're lying nana."

"Why would I lie?" He replied stoic. "Y/n is coming over for help."

Its the way that literally everyone in the room looked back at jaemin and you. Such a weird pair. Now they really would be questioning the two of you.

You anxiously looked back at him, seulgi was up in his face, nose flared, jaemin remained still and not intimidated by her or the class. But you were ready for someone to say something.

"Whats with you and y/n all of a sudden?" Seulgi asked. You could tell she didn't want you to go over his house, that was pretty obvious, but its not like she could stop you.

"Nothing, she just needs help in trig."

The class was still silent, even after a good 30 seconds. Now you just wanted the professor come in and talk about some WW2 stuff so people would ignore this. But your were pretty sure your professor just didn't want to teach and stayed home for the day.

"You dont need to help her." She faked a smile when she glanced back at you. "Shes a smart girl."

Jaemin was just about ready to get up and walk away, "I want to help her pass, now I do believe your seat is over there." he pointed over to the middle row of seats, just a few before yours. Seulgi actually took the hint and walked away. Her eyes were trained on yours and she looked as if ready to say something but decided against it.

God, now you just wanted to leave.

Jaemin placed a notebook and an open textbook on trig in front of you. His eyes watched as you hesitated to do your homework. You would get ready to write then lean back in confusion. For you, something was just not clicking with the whole trigonometry thing. You even started to wonder why you were taking it.

"Look this is what you have to do." Jaemin sat up and took the pencil out of your hand and went through the steps. Despite him being shockingly good at explaining and teaching, you found yourself lost at his words and just started staring at his side profile. Admittedly, you had to say he was pretty. And his lips as he was talking made you hypnotized. They looked soft and you wondered if you'll ever be able to feel them again.

"Repeat what I had just said."

You snapped out of your thoughts and hesitated, looking back at the paper then slowly began going over what you remembered until you started stumbling over your words and then stopped when he placed his hand on your thigh.

Jaemin exhaled loudly, sounding very disappointed in you and the only thing you could do was wait for whatever he had to say, "Why aren't you paying attention to nana?" His voice remained the same, but his nickname was a complete contrast.

"Im sorry I was distracted..."

"Distracted." Jaemin raised an eyebrow, "Theres nothing here to distract you."

Although you wanted to say he's been distracting you, you most certainly didn't and spared yourself the embarrassment.

"Y/n whats distracting you?" Jaemin set aside the pencil and gave you his full attention. Yet you remained silent and let him figure it out himself. But he knew, you were pretty easy to read. This is why he tapped your thigh, trying to get an answer out of you.

"You already know. Why do I have to say it?"

"I wanna hear it come out of your mouth." Jaemin shrugged.

"Jaemin..." you mumbled staring at your blank notebook, "Can we just move on?"

"Say it first." Consequently jaemin only made things worse by moving his hand up and down on your thigh in a taunting manner. One way or another he'll make you flustered.

"Youre clearly the distraction now can we please move on. We only have an hour and a half until work." You blushed.

A playful smirk found its way to his lips as he hummed in agreement. His hand still rested on your thigh and he once again tried explaining the problem in front of you. Granted, your phone went off in the middle of his second attempt of explaining.

"Taemin texted me hold on." You reached to grab your phone but jaemin was faster. He took your phone and threw it on the bed behind him.

"Pay attention." Jaemin had said. But you decided to be a bit stubborn and decided to get up and grab your phone, but jaemin had other plans. Hence why now you were stuck in a death grip on his lap with a hand to your neck. You couldn't see his face, but you knew it was cold. Jaemin didn't like to be disobeyed even for a second. "You only listen to me when I make a move, so do I have to keep you in this position for you to do your work?" You quickly shook your head and tried to wiggle out of his strong grip, but jaemin wouldn't let you go. Particularly because he figured you'd try and grab your phone again, which in that case, wasn't going to happen. If you so desperately wanted to pass, hes going to make you pass. Jaemin doesn't care even if he has to go as far as disciplining you either. As long as you pass, he'll be fine.

"You dont want to disappoint nana right?" You shook your head again. "You have a voice, use it."

"N-no.."

Jaemin hummed and let go of your neck, still keeping you on his lap. "Now be a good girl and listen. This is the last time I'll repeat myself."

So then you listened. Certainly because jaemin would not hesitate in making you regret any decisions you had.

After his third explanation, you understood the whole process a bit more and began doing your work. Jaemin was happy to see you do the problems, only pointing out a few mistakes, but praising you after for getting them right. You'd try your best not to smile or blush by putting your head down or looking away. Jaemin found it cute and couldn't help but smile himself.

"Lets get ready for work." Jaemin tapped your thigh for you to get up then he made his way to the closet to find clothes.

"Do you have a white t-shirt I can use?" You asked and jaemin threw you a shirt. Luckily for you the dress code was white on top, black on bottom so you didn't need to worry about the pants.

The both of you changed swiftly, not really caring about each others presence as you've already seen each other naked.

Without warning, jaemin dragged you out the his car, not bothering to give you a chance to say you wanted to drive yours. And you both were off.

It was a silent car ride besides the soft music playing on the radio. Jaemin kept you occupied with a hand resting on your thigh. He had a nice hand, you weren't gonna lie, but besides you gawking at his hand, it really did keep your mind focused. Not even the streets filled with so much activity could make you stop staring. It came to the point where you ended up grabbing his hand and played with his fingers.

"If you like my hands so much maybe I should use them on you again." Jaemin said, your breathing stopped for a second and you faced him.

"I just... find your hands nice thats all. Nothing sexual nana." You emphasized his nickname with a mocking tone. But in reality it was a very lowkey sexual desire to have him feel you up again, or even finger you. Whatever it was, you didn't want to admit it.

Parking the car, you and jaemin went inside the cafe to find it was again very busy. Irene was at the register helping a customer with their order and when she glanced up, you could've sworn she saw a ghost.

She finished the order and looked between you two, "Am I missing something?" She asked, pointing a finger at you guys as if accusing you, "you never come in together nor even walk inches next to each other."

"Y/n was at my house because I was tutoring her for school, so I drove her here too." Jaemin responded and you nodded in agreement. Still, irene found this crazy.

"Okay...just get to work then..." she squinted her eyes. Jaemin was the first to get to the stations, followed by you who made sure to look at the orders on screen.

After a while of making coffees, teas, and such you decided it was time for a break, so you asked irene if you can just take a seat for a bit to which she said yes.

Only a few tables remained empty, you took one near a window so you could see what was happening outside. Nothing different. Some teenagers fooling around on the sidewalk, couples passing by, and people rushing to get to their jobs. Meanwhile you never noticed someone sitting in front of you until they blew into your ear.

"Ahhh, what the fuck taemin!" Frowning at the sudden intusion, taemin laughed at your shocked face and sputtered many apologies. Many of which you knew he didnt mean.

"How long have you been sitting there?" You leaned over the table asking.

Taemin naturally leaned over too, getting closer to your face, "Just got here." He smiled, "I texted you that I was coming but you never replied."

You pouted in realization that that was when jaemin decided to discard your phone on his bed and not allow you to get it back. "Sorry I was being tutored for trig."

"Its fine." He pinched your cheeks, the smile never left his face once he finally saw a shade of red on your cheeks. Moreover, the two of you kept conversing for about 5 more minutes. Taemin talked about how jimin was bored all day from not seeing you at home so he went over to comfort him. You chuckled at the thought of jimin sadly laying against his friend and playing video games, trying not to feel bored. It made you happy that you had that kind of impact on him, knowing damn well no matter how much he said he said you weren't fun, that was a lie.

"I have to go. I'll make sure to come by later." With that taemin and you stood up and gave each other a hug. What surprised you was the lips on your cheek, giving you a bunch of butterflies in your stomach. "Bye y/n." Taemin winked and walked out the cafe.

Alarmed and flustered by what happened, you steadily walked back to the counter and just stopped there.

One might consider that to be a cute thing to see in a cute little cafe but jaemin thought otherwise and he was quite literally done with this.

"Come here." Jaemin made a finger motion to you and took you to the back of the cafe, away from the bustling people. "Whats with you and that taemin dude?"

"Why do you care?" You tilted your head up at him with a smirk. If you can manage to successfully push jaemins buttons and walk away with it, this would be the best day ever.

Jaemin took your chin in his index and thumb, bringing your face closer, "I asked you a question. I expect an answer."

"I dont have to answer if I dont want to." You tried swatting his hand away from your chin but he only moved down to your neck, causing you to gasp at the sudden squeeze. Basically, jaemin was choking you out of jealousy. "H-hes just m-my friend." You stuttered as you told the truth expecting jaemin to now let go, but he only softened his grip.

"I hate him."

"You dont know him." You mocked back and jaemin lazily rolled his eyes.

"I dont care if I dont know him I hate the fact that hes with you." Jaemin growled, letting your neck go.

You took the chance to let out a laugh at his frustrated face. This was entertaining to you and for once you had the upper hand, "so youre saying you're jealous?"

Roughly, jaemin slammed your back against the building with his face only mere centimeters from yours. You could smell the scent of mint in his breath too. "Maybe I am." Jaemin pushed a knee between your legs. "Shouldnt mess with my girl. And you shouldn't have let him kiss your cheek." Jaemins lips hovered over your lips. His hands harshly gripped your hips, moving you them over his thigh. Hearing the sound of you moaning out in shock, jaemin captured your lips in a kiss, a rough one at that.

His anger was through the roof and he showed that. "Youre mine and only mine. I'm the only one who can touch you like this, kiss you like this." Jaemin kissed down your jaw, still grinding your core on his thigh. You tried silencing your whimpers by biting your hand, but jaemin was quick to stick his fingers in your mouth, causing you to gag and choke.

Without a moments hesitation, jaemin pulled away from your neck to watch you suck around his fingers and he laughed through an angry aura, "If only taemin could see how much of a slut you are for me, maybe he would back off." You whined around his fingers and he pushed deeper down your throat. Your hips stuttered a bit, but kept moving forward, trying to get more friction.

"Such a stupid little girl for nana." Jaemin ruthlessly began fucking your throat with his fingers, "Are you gonna cum out here? What if somebody walks out and sees?" Your eyes rolled back and jaemin hummed still keeping the pace with his fingers and helping you move your hips. "Aww but I bet you wouldn't care. Since your so eager to cum and all." You gripped his wrist becoming more and more desperate to reach your high. Indeed you were so close that you started seeing stars, but jaemin pulled his thigh and fingers away.

"Were you about to cum?" He laughed in your face sadisticly. Your face heated up in embarrassment. "Stupid girl."

Cooing at your red face, jaemin brought you into another kiss, much softer than before but enough to know who's in charge.

"Lets get back to work, yeah?" Jaemin tapped your cheek with his two fingers and walked away leaving you hot and bothered.

Naturally you wouldve followed but you literally almost came in your pants just outside of your work. What were you thinking letting jaemin do that to you? And why did he have such an affect on you to the point that you forgot about what happened with taemin. You couldn't stand out here any longer and went inside. Jaemin was calm as if you didn't almost just get off on his thigh and sucked his fingers off. God this boy was doing something to you and you couldn't take it!

Working next to him seemed even more difficult. You were a hot mess, plus you were horny and honestly jaemins existence wasn't helping. And now, especially now, you realized that lasting until 8:30 was going to be a train wreck.

The school day was normal, yeri was hyper as always and cracking jokes making you spit out your banana milk. And her constant teasing about jaemin was nothing different. Of course you told her what happened the other day, she's your best friend, and she was blown away. Yeri wasn't expecting such news to be dropped on her like that and you couldnt blame her, only shrugging your shoulders and sipping your banana milk.

Stopping mid sip, you saw the boy you were subtly looking for; jaemin. Your reason? Well even you didn't know but your for sure were going to come up with something.

For the past few days jaemin never left your mind. Even when you saw him he always lingered. You could say you missed him. Besides that, taemin was never on your mind anymore. Just jaemin. It was like your mind needed him.

So you got up from your seat, yeri looked up confused and watched as your legs took you to your destination. Your heart was beating rapidly and you weren't even sure how this would go. Either you'll die from embarrassment or be the happiest girl alive. It was the anticipation.

You sucked in a deep breath once you got to him, jaemin peered up at you with curiosity, some other students even found your boldness interesting, until you spoke, "Wanna go out with me?"

[annavysoul]

I can confirm, they introduced themselves as 3 readers and they made a post how Bee is leaving and starting their own channel. They even made a post to support it and linked the blog, that's how I knew of the Bee drama. But yknow whatever. But they shouldn't demonize those poor future apouses lmao, it's not gonna be them, or any of us.

Warning very long, I got carried away my bad lol

But the drama on tumblr is kinda mild conpared to Youtube "readers". At least the readers here on tumblr try to hide the fact, that they're describing themselves very well but yoooooooo.... Youtube readers are a different breed. Most of them are super young (12-13, but there are a handful of readers old enough to fucking know better) and just straight up describe themselves with no shame. I even found some who put pics of themselves lmao. Me and my friends like to go through readings and bet, who is describing themselves as a spouse. There is one reader who has over 30+ vids on Mrs. J, and most readings are like over 20 mins long. How much is there to know about a person, that doesn't exist yet??? But most YT readers are obssessed with the fact, that Mrs. J is from India, what a coincidence that the reader is also from India lmao. I'm not saying BTS wouldn't ever date someone from that country, I'm saying it's impossible to get a specific country, age, height, religion etc from tarot cards. The pics on the cards might give you clues and the cards can say that the person is different from you, but they go into way too much detail. And it's funny because they're always soooo specific for Jungkook and V, but for the other ones....crickets🦗 On one hand it's so sad bc you have these little girls, putting out their private info, looks and secrets for the whole world to see (these vids have thousands of views) and they don't really grasp the consequences of their actions bc yknow, their just children. The internet never forgets. But on the other hand, you have these grown women who, like I said, should know better than these little girls. Not only do they get so defensive if you don't 100% allign with what they said, they are borderline so obsessed of the idea of being a spouse. Like tf??? Bts aren't Gods. They're very attractive celebs, who's purpose is to entertain people with their contents and music (hence the word idol & entertainer), while they do feed into that perfect bf material scheme, it's up to the fan to not actually develop real romantic feelings (a celeb crush and being a stan is something very different). Most are actually fans for very superficial reasons, they just find them attractive, not the music. And if you take the glitz and glamour of fame and money away, Bts are regular human beings, with flaws and issues. Like. The. Rest. Of. Us. They only show you the best side of them, because it's part of the whole idol package. We truly do not know these people, no matter how sincere or authentic they appear on camera. Like so so many were suprised that they wanted to disband a few years ago, bc they couldn't handle the pressure. These readers always believe if they meet/marry them, their life is going to be better and they feel alive again or smth. Most of these readers actually need therapy, I don't mean that in a condescending way. They imagine that their spouse, a celeb they've never met, will be their sole reason for their happiness and only then they are able to fix their issues and unhappiness. That reeks of co-dependency. And even if they'd become couple and be public, then what? A really big big chunk of Armys are actually in love with Bts, no matter if they even know tarot or not (Armys usually claim that only 2% of the fandom are delulus but that's definetly not true🥴). You'd get send d*eath threats, be harrassed, get doxxed, be hated for all eternity, even if you'd decided to break up. Look what happend with Jk and the tattoo artist he only hugged. She lost her job bc Armys were reporting her, some were trashing her workplace, she got threats, her friends got harassed and doxxed and she lost a friend (Jk). Not only that, but people would legit stalk you and try to hurt you, if you were a romatic partner of Bts. Then you also have the tarot side, who'd try to curse youa nd paint you as the evil demon, who is toxic to member xyz. And I don't think you'd want to spend your entire life locked in your house. And I personally could never deal with like millions of haters, no matter how hot my partner is.

Yoooo! i search again in yt and watch a couple of videos... these are kids for go sake🥺🥺 where are their parents and why they let them public private infoooo?!? internet and children isnt the best combination...

and yess, theres also grown up women and thats really creepy, u can understand that children might do that cause they are young, BUT WHEN U ARE OLD ENOUGH, U SHOULD ACT BETTER!! and i insist, they just trying to prove to themselves and to the world that they are worth it to be with a celebrity, like yeah of course u are worthy, like any of us, but this is not the way u know? its weird, i dont think its sane at all, they just are using the cards to feel better, and thats bs. and if it is just a cope mecanism, plz work on yourself, get help, life its better when u are in a healthy place

also its interesting about mrs being from india and most of all the videos i watch where from indian armys, tarot doesnt work like that, yeah u can feel the energy that its different, perhaps different culture and think that maybe it could be a foreing, but the cards will never tell you something that specific, less if u dont even know in person the people you are reading for

we dont know them at all, and people put them in a such high pedestal just for being famous and hot, so i really have trouble to think that some tarot readers can pick their real energy, im a very intuitive person, but i need to be in the presence of the person to feel their real energy, so to be so specific in a reading they need to energise the cards with the energy of the person, they need to at least shuffle the cards and connect with the reader, sooo thats why i only see these reads as enterteiment, and its bad for the community to claim that we can see ALL of about them.

i'll never forgive the people who threaten the tattoo artist, poor girl, and thats why the guys cant have healthiest relationship, let them have a LIFE

[someone-always-cares]

chapter 4, page 30

first - previous - next

[image description: an sac webcomic page. “well, yeah.” says dennis, picking up his sandwich. “I mean he’s obviously fuckin’ r-” he uses the r slur but the majority of the word is censored by the sandwich covering that part of the speech bubble. “so of course he’s gonna do weird shit” he says with a look of distain. theres a beat of lewis staring back at him as if angrily watching an animal eat its own shit.

“does your arse ever get jealous of the shit that comes out of your mouth?” lewis snarls. russel says nothing, awkwardly looking between the two, his panel wedged awkwardly inbetween the last panel or lewis and a panel of dennis looking back at lewis, asking “excuse me?”

lewis continues. “or is your head already so far up there that it’s impossible to tell which end its coming from? like some kinda human centipede oroboros of bullshit?” lewis is visibly angry, one hand flat on the table, the other clenched in a fist. the background consists of a text box which reads “you dont need an illustration of that.”.

“the fuck is your problem?” asks dennis, also angry, as if suprised or indignant by lewis’s reaction. hes still holding his sandwich. end id]

unsuprisingly, having had to deal with bullies, lewis does not like that shit even when its directed at someone else. in semi related news, any part of writing the pages set in school reminds me of being in school and honestly? hate that. younger me should have gone feral more. unfortunatly aside from smaking people with books a couple times for bothing me, and also the hocky stick incidents my reaction to confrontation was more flight/freeze.

anyway: heres some resources for current world events that could use your support. if you have money, please donate, and if you dont then you can still show support or educate yourself

[image description: a meme from icarly i think, with someone sitting at a desk not noticing someone else ready to slam a stop sign into his head. the guy sitting is labelled “me linking charities to donate to and mental health resources when i post comic pages, because you never know who needs it! smily face” and the stop sign is labelled “tumblr ruining the links for whatever fucking reason.” end id]

anyway i was updating and customising a few things on this blog when i checked the mental health resources page i made and tumblr fucked it all up. like 4 out of 11 links worked the rest were borked. then i checked the links left and they were also fucked. i think tumblr just doesnt like links that lead away from tumblr? especially since i just copy paste the same list and i think that messes with it or something?

since the links on the mental health list that worked were tumblr based or ones i copied directly from the url of their sites while the broken ones i copied from where i linked them previously? thats my theory tumblr is a hell site. i say, while tumblr is causing technical difficulties as i fucking type this. so anyway im just going to link to a masterpost of masterposts so i can copy paste the same link instead of giving a dozen mostly broken links. anyway fuck you tumblr

[realtiwo]

chat log

under the readmore

3:48 PM ***** said: im losing my mind here man

3:48 PM eric said: hey you ok? <3

3:49PM ***** said: yeah im okay well no this fucking album i bet im gonna read the lyrics and discover its about something completely else  but the pieces i pick out while listening  it IS about galilei i know its about galilei i mean i think i know...i dont get it im doing all these things and it seems like there should be some great conclusion the sky comes crashing down, you know but no thats not gonna happen i mean, i know lots of people have felt like this in the past and nothing's ever happened like take christianity for example they thought they had it all figured ojut and what a dude got nailed to a cross aged like 30 and then thats it and theyre still waiting for judgement day 2000 years in the future i mean thats insane! thats insane im insane what am i waiting for im not that special to change course of human history and things happened i mean you know with the money on the ground and stuff so its real right? but even if its real its all in that other world and even then its probably not all that weird to them where they are so both of us are just sitting there and until we can somehow cross that barrier for good nothing is going to happen thats why i care about the galileans so much cuz they can cross it to some degree thats where the money comes from right? if they can impact this world then maybe theres a way to do something but i dont really believe it myself what do you think

3:55 PM eric said: i dont know  i dont think were supposed to know like I say that all the time but.. idk it’s the truth I think my best guess is something happens when you die n then maybe we find out but there’s a reason for us being here the way that we are even if we can’t see or understand it right now just worry about the present not future or past the universe is weird 3:56 PM ***** said: i guess but like i mean everybody wants to be special and if i have this one thing then at least im doing something and im not just this weird teen

3:57 PM eric said:  yeah everybody wants to feel special but like...why. you don’t have to be extraordinary. you just have to be you.

3:59 PM ***** said: i dunno. cuz theres no point hanging around otherwise. and i dont even know who i am.

3:59 PM eric said: so find out. what does ***** like to do?

4:00 PM ***** said: this, i guess i like being tiwo and i like that people talk to me about it

4:00 PM eric said: so do it i guess  idk man its whatever you want it to be

4:00 PM ***** said: youre not gonna be in on this right? youre not all that involved in the weird projection stuff i mean you care about it but not like to the degree of centering your life around it like i am this sucks because youre the only one who like REALLY knows whats going on

4:00 PM eric said: sorry, cause I know how you see it and it’s still important to me.. but I just don’t know life has been moving really quick I have a lot of shit I need to pay and I’m starting to work full time soon it’s just a slippery slope like ily don’t get me wrong but.. there’s things I have to do and worry abt a lot more than whatever’s going on in spirit world...so I think I should worry abt those things

4:01 PM ***** said: nah its okay. i get it. i got this on my own.

[kaguraspetsims]

[[MORE]]

Hey guys sorry for the absence, work has been...shitty. like, it's making me so depressed and anxious that I'm losing sleep. I'll tell some stories in a second but like for those of you who want a tldr the assistant manager training me has some personal vendetta against me for some reason and is literally making my life hell.

So, just so we are clear: I have worked at this store for 1 and a half months. I dont remember if I've ever said the company I work for but I will say it's a pizza place.

At this store we have the store manager (call him R) and 3 assistant managers (P, A, and me).

A has been at this store for 2 years, P is the one that trains new AMs. A became an AM like...half a month ago. I have no prior experience in this company so I'm trying to learn the basics PLUS manager stuff.

So to try and keep things easy to follow, after my first week or so there P has me sit down with her and she asks me how I am able to learn better. I explain to her that I need positive reinforcement and I need to be told if I'm doing something wrong when I'm doing it wrong so that I dont form bad habits and have to relearn things. I also explained to her that I have short term memory loss, which is the reason I'm so unconfident when trying to portion toppings.

The gist if what she told me was this: I learn fast and I need to stop second guessing myself bc that slows me down and therefore slows the whole process down. And I was like yes I will accept this is true and try to do better. She also said she'd stop answering complicated questions I had, which I understood as anything that could not be answered with a yes or no.

So the weeks are going on and I learn several things about how this place works out.

I am short, shit is taller than me. I'm told to ask for help when I need it.

I quickly learn that when I ask for help, depending on what it is I'm asking for and how her mood is, P will get irritated as fuck with me for asking. Example: we have guides on how to build certain food items. Theres a lot of shit on the menu. The guides are very hard for me to reach. So when I ask for help getting a guide so I can try learning the build, I either get it tossed at me or I get told what to put on it in a disappointed or irritated tone. (Keep in mind I'm not being told the portioning for these toppings unless I ask for those too, to which I get an annoyed "I don't know off the top of my head.")

So I decided that if I have a question about what goes on what builds, I will try to list off all the toppings I remember and be like "that's what's on it right?" I figured this way they know I'm trying to learn them, I'm retaining at least SOMETHING, and if theres an ingredient or two off they can correct those.

Yeah the last time I did that P turned around and totally ignored me. And it turns out I was correct about all the toppings on it.

Now skip to about a week and a half ago, I'm finally learn how to stretch dough. Every time I have tried to stretch this shit has been during rush. At this point I have only worked rush shifts, which are shit for training, but when I've come in earlier I learn how to prep food, and so I literally dont get a lot of one on one time with someone who can actually sit there and train me. And when I DO have the chance to have one on one time, it's usually with P and she usually leaves me to make as much as possible while she goes to the back to chat with people who are waiting to take deliveries.

I end up getting so frustrated that I start taking shit out on myself, basically telling myself that I cant do anything right and that I've peaked and that I'm never going to get better. I tell P this and she tries halfheartedly to get me to breathe and keep going.

Mow skip to this week. I'm told I will close Monday and Tuesday (yesterday and the day before) I'm told I'll be trained how to close.

Monday comes up. I get there at 5:30. A gets thre at 5. We work thru rush and A tells me he will stay with me till P gets there around 10 just in case we get a night rush. Keep in mind this is P's day off and A had offered to help train me since he was already there.

So 10:30 rolls around and P finally shows up. She comes inside only to tell A he should have left at like 8 or 9. You know. Leaving me alone on my first closing night when I still cant make an entire one pizza on my own under 3-5 minutes.

So A leaves. One of the drivers is there bc he has to be (we can call him T). P tells T hes going to do most if not all the cleaning so she can show me how to do inventory and enter shit in the computer. She says when he finishes he can leave ahead of us bc we were (supposedly) going to be there for a few hours.

So for about 2 hours I'm told how to find things on the computer and finish inventory. Most of those two hours is just me entering shit in the computer or her talking on the phone with a friend.

At one point she says to T that shes just teaching me computer shit now, and on Tuesday she'd teach me how to break down and clean the area where all the food is.

At 12:30-12:45 she says shes going to leave and for me to call her when I'm done counting money so that she can tell me the rest of what I have to do. This sends off panic bells in my head. Not only has she NOT FINISHED TEACHING ME SHIT, I'm about to leave a store by myself in the middle of fucking nowhere with no overhead lights. I felt unsafe leaving the gamestop I worked at during the night even tho there were parking lot lights and usually small crowds at the walmart next door, and I never left that building by myself.

So I'm just ask "can T stay so I'm not leaving here by myself and I dont risk my safety?"

The response I got was basically P saying she forgot I was weak and fragile. So she decided to stay and fi nng ish helping me on the computer, which, btw, was another 15 minutes or so of her staying???

Also fun news I get at this point is that P will NOT be closing with me tuesday night. I'm on my fucking own with T! :)

So then I'm helping clean shit bc apparently we're behind (it's like 1 am at this point) and P (who did the entire food area by her damn self) finally leaves around 1:15. T has been really nice and stays with me to help me put the last of shit together before we leave.

I dont get home till 2 monday night.

Skip to tuesday night. I get in at 4:45. A and P are there. Ahas been told by P he MUST leave by 9. She leaves at like 6:30.

I learn a few things after she leaves from multiple people.

A has been here 2 years, and P not only stayed with him till 3 am breaking every little thing down and showing him everything, but he ALSO was given the opportunity to close with her for about 2 or 3 nights before he closed by himself.

I have been there an entire month and a half, got told how to do ALMOST everything ONE time, and the very next night I'm closibg hy myself.

I have trained for (almost) 2 hours how to close at this point. I dont know what the fuck I'm doing. I start getting order after order. The drivers are out doing their jobs so I'm literally in the whole store by myself trying to figure shit the fuck out bc i was basically left to fend for myself. Spoiler alert, I'm not very fucking good at this.

To make a long story short, a bunch of shit went wrong tuesday night. T is trying his best to help me learn things, but he doesnt know how to do everything bc hes not in a manager position. He even says to me at one point "it just seems like you've been set up to fail." Granted I was complaining about the fact that I didn't get fucking training, but he said that shit on his own. He pointed shit out that I had been thinking about.

Again, skip to about 3 am. I have my final call with P. She proceeds to tell me several things:

You should not be there more than an hour after close.

Your inventory variance should not be that high.

Just finish up what you're doing and leave, what's done is done and what's not is not.

Then she asks me "do you see what you need to improve on?"

At that point I nearly snapped. How the FUCK can I know what to improve on when theres no one there to give me fucking feedback?? I dont know what the fuck I'm doing. I literally scrambled all fucking night to ATTEMPT to do shit right which, apparently, it still wasnt good enough. I was given a whole ~2 hours to learn ALMOST everything to close. R doesnt get out when he closes till about 2 hours after the store closes, so why the fuck am I being picked on when I had fucking not even 2 whole hours of training?

I have never EVER told myself to quit without putting in a two weeks notice before. I'm going to talk to R about this shit before I just up and leave at this point. I'm attempting to find another job in the meantime but the toll that these past few weeks has had on my mental health is just fucking astounding. The last time I had that kind of a meltdown after work was a year ago when I worked at the fucking kennel and a dog got hurt and no one answered me.

Oh, btw, that kennel? The one owned privately by a single person, that wasnt a franchise or anything? Yeah, as much as those communication skills sucked, it was leagues better than the communication at this establishment I'm at now. And that's saying a fucking lot.

[lasercruz]

@quarterdollar​ fuck you and im sorry that i took so long to answer and i hope that im mostly coherent because i am. very tired as im typing this

1: Full name Nicky Jackie Marie Cruz !!

2: Age 21

3: 3 Fears Mold, tall heights if I’m not secured (like, I’m not scared of rollercoaster heights but I’m scared of like, cliffs), and balloons esp balloon animals

4: 3 things I love I love so many things uhh hh h. Jjba, adventure zone, and my friendssss 💞

I know turn ons/offs aren’t inherently sexual but i never know what to say for them so im skipping them :0

7: My best friend you 🥺🥺

8: Sexual orientation bi

9: My best first date ive never really been on a actual date :0

10: How tall am I 5′3

11: What do I miss being with my friends physically and just watching stuff or goofing around on the floor 😭

12: What time were I born 11:02pm

13: Favourite color Dark blues

14: Do I have a crush yes shh

15: Favourite quote there so much sappy quotes that are on uquizzes a lot that i like a lot the first that comes to mind is “ You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won’t tell you that he loves you, but he loves you.” and so on and also “if i loved you less i might be able to talk about it more”

16: Favourite place As far as just physically and not like people or other stuff that comes with with a place, I miss VT campus a lot tbh more than I thought I would. To pick a more specific place, the gazebo at the duck pond cause its where I’d go if I wanted to be alone or like if my roommate was sleeping or working and i didnt want to worry about being quite and it was always super peaceful

17: Favourite food I dont really have One favorite food it just depends what I’m in the mood for but my go to answer for favorite food category wise is either chinese or seafood

18: Do I use sarcasm Depends who I’m with ?? Generally no not often but if im close with someone and just goofin yeah

19: What am I listening to right now My love song playlist. its my go to thing to listen to cause my playlist with all my music has so much on it that i end up skipping half the songs until i find something im in the mood for and this one has a lot less that i end up skipping. the current song its on is day without you by keep for cheap

20: First thing I notice in new person It depends on the person like if they have something that stands out about them, thats what I tend to notice but like. How they carry themself i guess ? cause i feel like thats a easy way to get a read on somebody before talking to them

21: Shoe size 5 mens / 7 womans

22: Eye color Brown

23: Hair color Naturally dark brown but currently dyed black with rainbow bangs

24: Favourite style of clothing this question is on so many ask games and quizzes and I never know how to answer it cause i feel like i dont really have one specific style,, I like colorful and fun stuff i guess ?

25: Ever done a prank call?  No and if you prank call a place of business youre annoying. i used to answer phones at work and we didn’t get them super often but GOD i hate prank callers

27: Meaning behind my URL emu is an old nickname and what i mainly went by until i settled on Nicky and this. is my blog.

28: Favourite movie Baby driver !!

29: Favourite song my go to answer for this is community gardens by the scary jokes

30: Favourite band THE SCARY JOKES

31: How I feel right now sleeby,,,,

32: Someone I love i love , my friendz ,, 🥺🥰

33: My current relationship status single ✌️

34: My relationship with my parents im close to my mom but i dont really get along with my dad ,

35: Favourite holiday Christmas !

36: Tattoos and piercing i have no tattoos, 3 piercings in each ear (2 on each earlobe and 1 on the top on each side)

37: Tattoos and piercing i want I want a interrobang on my wrist and an Aquarius symbol on my ankle and MAYBE the joestar birthmark, i wouldn’t mind more ear piercings and i want a septum piercing but ive seen videos of them getting done and they make me squirm i dont know if id go through with it

38: The reason I joined Tumblr sdklgkjgh i had a my little pony roleplay blog before i made my personal account

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? no we’re good friends !!

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? no not regularly at least

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? no

42: When did I last hold hands? my mom tried to hold my hand when i was half asleep on the couch the other day but like i was so out of it so like it was more our fingers together and the rest of my hand just loosely dangling so if that doesnt count, you

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? i give myself about 2 hours if im doing full makeup but thats purposefully longer than i need so i dont have to worry about rushing and i can relax and take my time

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? no i only shave them if they’re gonna be showing or if the Urge to be Smooth comes over me

45: Where am I right now? my room at home on my bed

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? probably Kaylie cause she doesn’t drink and i assume if im drunk with other friends there she’d be the only sober one

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? Reasonable, if i have it too loud i cant think so the only time i  have my music loud is if im doing nothing and want to Not Think

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? Ye

49: Am I excited for anything? short term im excited for the ai crushes all banks stream tonight and long term im excited to move into our apartment 

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? no im not a tell everything to someone type of person .

51: How often do I wear a fake smile? i smile most of the time like, at work (before we wore masks) id always be smiling to look nice and like. just in general if i want to Not Look Unhappy or whatever

52: When was the last time I hugged someone? my mom probably like, yesterday

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? ive never kissed any1     .

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?  nope i don’t think i really trust easily so like this doesnt rlly happen,

55: What is something I disliked about today? i woke up late cause i was up late last night so ive been tired all day I dont like the feeling

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? language barriers aside itd be super cool to meet hirohiko araki

57: What do I think about most? Whatever media im currently most into so right now adventure zone and magnus archives

58: What’s my strangest talent? umm i dunno im kinda flexable i guess ? not like ~contortionist~ level but like enough that i can freak people out sometimes

59: Do I have any strange phobias? i mentioned balloons as a fear in an eariler question so yeah that but im a lot better about it than i used to be

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? in front tbh

61: What was the last lie I told? i was on phones for the last hour and a half of my shift on friday and like. when people call and ask if an item is in stock and i can’t confirm it i, just tell them its not. like, someone asked if we had a specific kayak and i usually just search the walmart app or run over to where itd be to check but the kayaks are to far for me to run to and the app said limited stock which usually means little to none so , i just put it on hold for a bit then tell him we’re out.

62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online? i like video chatting in theory cause its nice to see people visibly react to stuff but i tend to get too self conscious about how i look so i  just do audio only

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? yes to both !! i am both

64: Do I believe in magic? yes in some ways i suppose

65: Do I believe in luck? yes im v superstitious

66: What’s the weather like right now? its a pretty good day its sunny but not too hot :oo

67: What was the last book I’ve read? its been ages since i last read a book in full 😔  i honestly dont knwo what the last one would of been 😔 😔

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? yes !!! love it

69: Do I have any nicknames? not anything i get consistently called no

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? ive never gotten super hurt that i can think of ??

71: Do I spend money or save it? save it

72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge? no

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? doppio bean plush ,,,,

74: Favourite animal? hedgehogs!!!!

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? on my phone probably on tiktok or something waiting for jojo to come on toonami

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? I? dont think he has one i guess ??

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? butterflies by samsa but it makes me happy in the “im crying now” kinda way itss cute

78: How can you win my heart? just by being nice and respectful tbh ,

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? idk i dont really want anything fancy just my name (chosen name please god im so scared of dying and geting my birth name on my tombstone if that happens i WILL come back as a vengeful ghost) and my birth and death dates

80: What is my favorite word? saccharine

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr by my tumblr crushes (which its been YEARS since i looked at) ; frostios, 27names4tears, smollpurrito, happynaru, and warpedlamp

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? if we being real id just get so scared dsjkfsldjglg  theres so much i could say i dont know :((

83: Do I have any relatives in jail? not ? that i know of 

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? why are all the questions worded super basic except this one skdlskdjfj. Shape shifting

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? i can really think of anything really as long as a friend is asking i tend to answer truthfully ?

86: What is my current desktop picture? Sobble BUT this reminded me that i wanted to change it to a xenoblade pic so its this now :

90: Failed a class? no

91: Kissed a boy? no

92: Kissed a girl? no

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? no but oh god just thinking about that im 🥺🥺🥺🥺 id die id melt 🥺🥺

94: Had job? ye i was a cashier for a year in highschool and then i work in wamlart apparel in the summers

95: Left the house without my wallet? not when I know ill need it no, but ive left it home if im just going to a friend or family member’s house or i have my mom’s card or some cash in my pocket

96: Bullied someone on the internet? no !!

98: Played on a sports team? no lmao i dont do sports

99: Smoked weed? no

100: Did drugs? i had a weed brownie like once but it was such a small piece i didnt really feel anything

101: Smoked cigarettes? no

102: Drank alcohol? Ye

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? not currently i was vegan for a little bit to encourage a friend that was doing it though

104: Been overweight? no

105: Been underweight? no

106: Been to a wedding?  yes three, my grandma’s when she got remarried, and both my brothers

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? probably yes lmao often

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? not TV TV but if netflix and the like count then yes

109: Been outside my home country? no :(

110: Gotten my heart broken? not ? really no

111: Been to a professional sports game? ive been to a handful of Yankee games

112: Broken a bone? no

114: Been to prom? yes i went to my highschool’s and a friend’s highschool’s my senior year

115: Been in airplane? no

116: Fly by helicopter? no

117: What concerts have I been to? none :((((

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? ye

119: Learned another language? i took 3 years of Spanish in high school but i wasn’t any good at it and dont really remember much of what i did learn

120: Wore make up? yes i do often :0

123: Dyed my hair? ye a lot

124: Voted in a presidential election? yes ever since iv been old enough to i vote

125: Rode in an ambulance? no

126: Had a surgery?  dental surgery yes

127: Met someone famous? Not anyone i’d count no

128: Stalked someone on a social network? depends on what you count as stalking i guess but like not ever in a creepy way like ive been on people’s social media to find out stuff about them like. if theyre in a relationship or especially after highschool ill wonder about someone i havent talked to in awhile and ill see what theyve been up to and what theyre doing with their life and stuff

129: Peed outside? no

130: Been fishing? yes like once

131: Helped with charity? donation wise yes

132: Been rejected by a crush? ive never confessed to anyone and been rejected but once a friend told my crush i liked them and they confronted me about it and rejected me but it made me more mad at the friend that told them than it made me sad about being rejected because i knew it’d probably go like that  and it justmade thing awkward between us for awhile  😔

133: Broken a mirror? ive broken the little mirrors inside eyeshadow pallets but i havent broken full ones

134: What do I want for birthday? usually just money lol or something thoughtful and cute

135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names? i aggresivly do NOT want kids BUT hypohetically Elliot or Xander for a boy and idk what i’d nam a girl

136: Was I named after anyone? no

137: Do I like my handwriting?  its messy so no not really but if im writing something for myself like a not or whatever i dont mind as long as i can read it

138: What was my favourite toy as a child? even as a little kid i always played computer games but other than that, this guy :

139: Favourite Tv Show? Jojo

140: Where do I want to live when older? New york or japan

141: Play any musical instrument? i can kind of play harmonica

142: One of my scars, how did I get it? i burnt my thumb kinda bad on the oven a while ago its still kinda healing but right now it looks like its gonna stay a scar

143: Favourite pizza toping? i like everything/suprieme pizza but if i have to pick one single topping pepperoni

144: Am I afraid of the dark? yes :((

145: Am I afraid of heights? mentioned it earlier but yes if im not strapped in or secured etc

146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? no im so scared of being caught doing something bad that i just. dont

147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? i mean yes but thats life babey

149: What my greatest achievments are ive gotten awards for grades and stuff but that boring BUT i got the english department award or whatever that was called im very proud of that

151: What I’d do if I won in a lottery i donate some and save the rest tbh

152: What do I like about myself i can be pretty  sometimes 👉👈 im cute or whateva ,,,

153: My closest Tumblr friend i dont really havent “tumblr friends” aside from friends i know irl and also tey have tumblrs ,,

154: Something I fantasise about just. growing up and having my own place maybe with someone and. being comfortable and  okay and not having to worry ,,

155: Any question you’d like? dkfjhdskhf japan :000

[neopuff]

I wanna know what happened to your boss who stole your identity... if you feel like sharing you should make posts about it

i cant believe i woke up to over 20,000 notes on that fweiougbwe;goew OK HERE im gonna do this like a reddit relationships thread:

players are: B (boss/thief 27F), C1 (coworker 59F), C2 (coworker 40sF), and me (24F). not a lot.

i worked with B and C1 at Claire’s for well over a year. they knew i had money and yeah i’d let them borrow money to help pay their rent/car payments/etc and C1 always paid me back within a month but B always was like “ill pay you back soon” which was like ok its fine dont stress just…we have an ongoing relationship so i foolishly doubted she was going to steal from me right in front of my face lol

then B quits Claire’s and starts working at Express, promises me a great job at Express to the point where i’ve applied and filled out paperwork (yknow with my drivers license and my SSN) but that job never happened cuz B quit working there. (this is when B opened her first credit card using my information, for Express! which is a crazy expensive clothing store.)

B gets a job at Sally Beauty and tells me i should come work there (this is in july). well, i’m in grad school and i wasn’t going to work for the month of August cuz of friends coming to visit but i was like sure ill work extremely part-time at a store for hair and makeup since i know literally nothing about hair and makeup. C1 was also asked to come work there since the Claire’s we all used to work at was shut down (bankruptcy lol)

things are going fine for a while, C2 is working at Sally’s now too (she’s B’s aunt and they live together.) in September my parents bought a new house 5 and a half hours away and they ask me to house-sit until they move in, so obviously im gonna do that, so i give my two weeks (i gave more like a month but w/e) and on the day before i leave B calls me and says the reason i havent been getting paid by direct deposit is because they never got my drivers license photo. i say thats weird, did they lose it? and she says they mustve so i send her a pic of my license. cuz obviously i wont be in town to pick up my check so i need direct deposit.

ok so fast forward to this monday, C1 calls me and it starts off normal like “hi how are you howve you been” and then shes suddenly like “i have something important to tell you.” and she says C2 saw mail at her and B’s house with my name on it! C2 was complaining about it at work and C1 was like “wtf?” and thought that was suspicious and told me about it. shes like “make a creditkarma account and you can see any credit cards under your SSN”

i go to make a creditkarma account and weirdly enough theres already one under my SSN! and the email is literally [B’s last name][B’s first name]@outlook.com. she wasnt even being subtle or smart. she really thought i’d just never look or wouldnt care???? i dont KNOW.

so obviously i call all the credit report places and im like freeze everything and put fraud alerts on everything!! and i blocked B’s phone number and i blocked her on facebook cuz even if she had an explanation i genuinely wouldnt care at this point

i went to another credit report site for the details and B not only took out a $5000 loan (she bought a new car recently so probably for that), but she opened 7 other credit cards and applied for 25 others. she started this the DAY i left! theyre mostly credit cards for banks but theres the express card, a target card, a disney card????????? also B put her actual phone number and address into the system so theres no doubt that its her.

and then C1 calls me again to tell me that B quit her job at Sally Beauty less than an hour ago and im wondering if she knew i knew or coincidence? since B steals from companies she usually only works at each one for a few months each

so ok, tuesday morning i call the police and then i have to call every single bank and credit union to cancel these stupid fucking cards. i was on the phone for 6 hours (wouldve been longer but i had my online class) just repeating the same info over and over again. and then the police call me back like “so we just spoke to B, she played dumb for a bit but then confessed to everything” and that was a HUGE relief except that i still have 12 more card applications to cancel. cop said “she didnt really have an explanation other than she’d fallen on hard times” and i just…….dont care especially when she quits every job shes store manager of after less than a year. and yea she has two kids and a bum husband and a supportive close family

and it’s now wednesday afternoon cuz i slept thru the morning but i have to call all these other places AND i’m gonna have to drive 5 and a half hours back to my hometown for court sometime in the next two weeks. plus i have to fill out like 30 affidavits for all these banks and credit unions and give them the police report so they know im not lying

also my credit score has gone down significantly because of that Express card she got in March (she’d been doing minimum payments allowed so i wouldnt get notified despite racking up $475 at this one ugly store)

in less than a month she opened $20,000 worth of credit and spent $8400 of it. and since she just QUIT her job i can assume she wasnt planning on paying off any of that debt lol

anyway that’s where i’m at now, i dont know if shes going to jail or what. she sure as hell cant pay any fines. PLUS she already owed me $450 and i was gonna cut her some slack on it but now i want my $450 back lmao

[karmanticmoved]

1-85 uwu

j esus okay

1. describe yourself.

uh,, emotional ig, dumbass, quiet, exhausted all of the time, v queer, healthy mix of feminine and masculine, insecure, and not tha t great tbh. kinda a pussy ass b itch

2. if you could go anywhere for a week all expenses paid where would it be?

idrk. maybe somewhere like a hella nice beach in another country, maybe somewhere in europe. i like travelling but i hate the travel to get there and have no money so i havent put thought into it. maybe hawaii or somewhere like that.

3. do you have siblings?

the one thats still alive is my half brother

4. what is your favorite constellation, why?

orion maybe bc i don't know a lot but i can see that one from my bedroom window even in the city n idk. its comforting. or scorpius cause i'm a scorpio

5. favorite color.

yellow, pink, or blue.

6. what kind of music do you listen to?

almost anything. whatever catches my interest.

7. favorite flower. (you can name as many as you want cause flowers are awesome)

forgot what i said last time but those

yellow carnations i think?

8. if you could do magic, what is the first spell you would learn?

maybe smth to put myself to sleep immediately bc f uCk

9. favorite childhood memory.

my summer camp memories are pretty great. also memories of my dad and i going fishing are good.

10. have you ever been cheated on?

i mean in theory i couldve been bc online relationships but no. n im polyam and have identified as such for a majority of my relationships so no.

11. if you could describe your perfect room, what would it be?

big but not too big, yknow? like big enough that it can be filled and have room to walk around and lay on the ground or whatever but not Empty. and a pretty big bed to stretch out on, n a closet in the room. multiple windows w blackout curtains so theres light but it can be blocked out. n fluffy rugs or carpeting but preferably rugs in case smth spills so we can get it out of at least Remove the rug. and probably a cat tree thing in corner for dipper. n a computer desk and actual lights that light up the whole room. but probably,, fairy lights too bc full lights too bright. and i kinda want a pink room but blue or yellow work also. a nd pride flags on the walls + posters and various other stuff bc plain walls are boring. and tons n tons of b ooks too.

12. favorite animal.

river otter

13. what was the last photo you took of?

cat

14. do you believe in soul mates?

i'm not sure. i do kinda think there are people who you will like. really really click with and who become so important in your life that they're like. apart of u yknow? but i don't think that anyone as an individual needs to keep those people in their life forever. they arent destined to stay with them, and they shouldnt force that relationship (platonic, familial, romantic, or whatever) even if they were close for years and years. screw destiny. youll have people you care about, and sometimes you have to break that bond to save yourself, and thats okay. there will be other people who can and will be just as important. that got kinda off topic skbsks. i don't think theres really like Destiny soulmates. but there could be like. soulmates in the sense of for however long we're together, we're soul bonded. even if its not forever. does that even make se nse skbsns

15. do you hang toilet paper over or under?

over is the one thats socially acceptable right

16. your go to place to eat & your favorite thing to get there.

idk theres a place near a movie theater closeish to my house and its a nice little cafe and i dont eat there bc i dont eat much in general but i get their bubble tea and i love. raspberry bubble tea w rose popping bubbles. its comfort drink.

17. do you believe everything happens for a reason?

no. sometimes shit happens for no reason, and its bullshit, but you can't reverse it, so you gotta figure out how to move on from it.

18. guilty pressures?

im assuming thats meant to be pleasures

umm,, idrk. i don't know what exactly i like that would count as a guilty pleasure so,,

19. favorite mythical creature, why?

merpeople are s o cool i fuckin. love funky aquatic pals hell yeah. maybe im just Water babey but. they're rad. dragons are also hella cool bc like dragons???? theyre scaly and prett y and can breathe fire or have wings and kill u?? also like selkies bc again. water. but i used to hear a lot of stories abt them and theyre so nea t

20. something most people don’t know about you.

i have the potential to be a huge asshole and also kinda Wish to fuckin murder someone sometimes but. i act nice most of the time anyway.

not murder murder but i can get angr y enough that i just wanna Stab smth

21. where did you grow up, what was it like?

grew up kinda near the edge of the city, still in it but not like the main city area. in western washington. it was kinda rly boring, i used to spend a lot more time outside or just by myself playing with leaves or toys or whatever. when i had friends i played make believe w them even when outside of school. so yeah. boring id say.

22. do you believe aliens exist?

sure.

23. what was your last google search?

other than names for some actors n stuff, i was looking up various star wars things

24. what did your last relationship teach you?

the one that like. ended? i guess thatd be. be careful with your own feelings and try to figure them out before jumping into anything, and also don't try to force smth that in reality isnt really working.

25. would you relocate for love?

honestly yeah

26. do you hold grudges or forgive easy?

both. it just depends on how badly i or someone i care about was hurt by it. more likely to hold a grudge if a friend was hurt by someone d eep enough to leave a lasting impact or if they don't get a genuine apology i will be 🔫🔫. or if the person keeps hurting them. even if that person is also my friend.

27. favorite book.

favorite graphic novel is bloom by kevin panetta

favorite books in general are autoboyography, more happy than not, and what if its us. all gay. i know. its okay. im a kinnie.

28. do you consider yourself an extrovert or introvert?

introvert by far

29. have you ever kept a journal, do you now?

i tried once. i probably will have to once i go see a therapist, or at least one for my Bad Thoughts

30. top 5 favorite movies.

in no particular order

little shop of horrors, love simon, coco, it (2017 and 1990), and shazam! ig? maybe others but i definitely Forgot all the shit ive watched

31. do you believe that everything happens for a reason?

no

32. what is your greatest fear?

definitely gotta be all of the people i love hating me and abandoning me or secretly hating me and then leaving me without saying anything. and the worst part is im always afraid its gonna happen babeyy

33. favorite alcoholic beverage.

im baby

34. most embarrassing thing you’ve done.

im embarrassed by my own existence. i don't remember the Most embarrassing thing

35. do you believe in ghosts?

not until i have proof that i can actually trust and believe in

36. what is the best and worst part of your personality?

idk ig im nice. but im also. very easily set off on certain emotions especially the bad ones which sucks like especially jealousy bc i dont wanna!! feel jealous!! tho i think that ties into my greatest fear bc my brain immediately tells me im useless to everyone and they hate me. but. sometimes i get jealous and then feel bad for that and then hate myself for all of it. bc my friends deserve to hang out w other people and care about other people im just fucking stupid babey !!

37. should you split the dinner bill?

i rly don't get why you wouldnt tbh like if u both wanna be there u should both pay. but if one person gonna pay it should be the person that asked.

38. are you a good liar?

most of the time. when it comes to my mental health i can either lie great or im literally breaking down in front of the person so

39. what keeps you up at night?

depressing thoughts. anxiety about everything. wishing i could cuddle and fall asleep w jay. sometimes i just cant sleep bc im too restless.

40. would you rather go without your phone or music?

music. i need my phone to text my friends and i Need my friends

41. do you believe in god?

what god would let the world get to the point its at. what god would allow people to do such fucked up shit.

no. i don't.

42. how do you relax when frustrated?

cry, take a nap, take a shower, listen to music, cuddle dipper

43. what’s something that offends you?

when people go "oh yeah i support gay rights but im still gonna eat at chick fil a bc its good" like i get so fucking. pissed off by that. youre not gonna fucking s ta rv e without their goddamn chicken. i know a bi person who goes there and says its okay bc they dont Directly Give Their money to Specifically anti gay organisations but im just. ugh. fucking pissed bc there are other places to get food just avoid the one place for fucks sake. their food is good it doesnt matter. its like saying yeah pewdiepie is a bad person and nazi and a racist asshole but his videos r funni haha so im gonna watch him anyway

44. favorite food

i hate myself whenever i eat food

45. if you were on a 10 hour flight and could sit and talk to any person the entire time, who would it be?

@destinedformuchmore or @pinaplelee

46. when do you feel the most confident?

never? but ig i feel confident when working on tech construction during theater tech. as long as i know what im doing.

47. what do you do in your free time?

sleep. draw. cry. play video games. talk to my friends.

48. is there anyone who has completely lost your respect

matpat did for being a dick abt neopronouns and making a transphobic joke and only apologizing when a cis person told him to. not when hundreds of trans people did. and also other jokes that are inherently offensive to various groups. a n d for making extremely not Child friendly jokes in his videos which are very much targeted towards kids. say what you will about the target audience, there are a lot of children who watch them. please stop making creepy nsfw jokes if you won't even swear, sir.

49. have you ever broken someone’s heart?

i guess so yeah. but she also broke mine first.

50. did/do you play sports in school?

i did. i don't anymore bc highschool sports are bullshit but. basketball, ultimate, and soccer.

51. when are you happiest?

talkin 2 jay prolly

52. coffee or tea?

tea

53. what is one possession you own you wouldn’t want to live without?

my binder. or my stuffed cat puppet thing ive had since i was 7

54. what is the first thing you notice about a person?

their general emotions, mostly. like if theyre in a good mood or if theyre bored or distracted or whatever. or if they seem interested in actually talking to me

55. what is your favorite season, why?

fall. my birthday, the atmosphere is nice, it's pretty, its hoodie weather.

56. what makes you laugh?

stupid little comments or jokes my friends make tend to make me laugh a lot harder than i should but jabdn

57. are you a clean or messy person?

a mix. i Cannot have some things messy or i will ksjqkd. Die but i don't make my bed too often bc its ha rd when its against 3 walls.

58. what is important for a successful relationship?

communication communication communicati

talk about ur goddamn problems n keep talking to each other.

59. what was your upcoming like?

if thats supposed to be upbringing

idk, very relaxed. pretty easygoing and kinda boring.

60. favorite holiday?

any holiday in december rly. i don't celebrate a Lot but the atmosphere and others celebrating is nice to see. i kinda wish my parents did more to embrace the jewish part in our family blike. whatever. christmas is fun.

61. what is the first thing you’d do if you won the lottery?

give half of it to my parents. and then probably use it for plane ticket

62. what’s the best pizza topping combination?

hawaiian pizza. pinapple n canadian bacon ty

63. favorite outdoor activity.

frisbee

64. how are you? honestly.

not great. i want highschool to end.

65. would you rather go camping in the woods or stay at a beach resort?

idk. camping is fun but if i get to stay at the resort for free i would rly love 2 stay at a resort tbh ive never done that

66. what is the most beautiful thing in nature?

waterfalls. or rivers or just. water in nature. and very green forests. aNd snow.

67. favorite type of candy?

none

68. if your life was a book, what would be the title?

i can and will do arson, an autobiography

69. what movie quotes do you use of a regular bases?

i quote john mulaney and whatever my obsessions are pretty regularly

70. what was cool when you were young but not cool now?

silly bandz. pokemon cards. these weird unicorn figures i collected

71. what’s the craziest conversation you have ever eves dropped on?

im mostly the one having the weird conversations

72. what’s the most interesting documentary you’ve ever watched?

i watched one about dogs and cats and their evolution which was lit

73. what’s the worst hairstyle you’ve had?

when i let the lady just go fuckin ham on my hair bc i was watching spirit that horse movie and didnt wanna stop so it was. rly bad bangs and hella short in back but not the sides

74. what do you like to cook?

whatever im hungry for. i don't have the energy to cook a lot

75. what’s the coolest animal you’ve seen in the wild?

really pretty tropical fish

76. what’s the funniest tv show you’ve ever seen?

idk. i rly like schitts creek its pretty amusing

77. do you usually follow your heart or your head?

heart at first but my head if things get bad

78. what is your favorite quote?

"i have a splitting headache and i think i'm dying. how are you?"

or a character just saying "try harder" when another failed to do smth.

this is supposed to be deep or whatever but im in a Mood

79. what’s the weirdest crush you have ever had?

once had a crush on a character in a minecraft parody lmao

80. what’s your love language?

sending shit that makes me think of them. n just. making tons of stuff for them both online and irl like bracelets.

81. do you ever feel alone?

oh yeah. all the time. im not but it feels like i am which sucks

82. ever been bullied?

yeah

83. are you usually early or late?

late bc of my parents rip

84. what kind of art do you enjoy most?

drawing, or writing. also theater.

85. what do you wish you knew more about?

i just wish i could remember everything ive learned more about. i know a lot i just forget all.

id like to know more about forensics tho

[redwoodrroad]

more fun oc stuff, featuring eridunis and his dad!

as well as sleepy mumblings about logan thackeray and little thoughts about his life and what he's about. it's all under the cut, and i kept out major plot things--there are a couple of major like life-altering things in heart of thorns and path of fire, so i'll vaguely reference them, and if you've played those campaigns, you'll know what im talking about, and if you haven't played it, i'll never tell ;)

youu aare my daaad--you're my dad! boogie woogie woogie!

alright so starting from when eridunis started growing up in the orphanage, logan's brother, Dylan, was the captain of the seraph, right, it's canon that he's been captain of the seraph since logan was a Youth; eridunis has most of his interactions with dylan throughout his younger life. this is kind of where..... im not quite sure about the full extent of logan's and dylan's contempt for each other? we know that dylan sees logan as.... sort of childish, dishonorable--especially since logan becomes a mercenary as a young adult (we're also not completely sure how old these guys are, so bear with me, i have thoughts about that)--and logan doesn't really have any respect for dylan either because he thinks being a queen's guard is like. snobbish? that's a pretty easy way to put it. and it feels like the age difference is really rough--if logan is a kid by the time dylan becomes a seraph, and even if we assume that dylan was reasonably young when he became a seraph--let's say 18-20, pretty standard--logan was probably somewhere around 10-12 years old, "young boy" age as he's described on the wiki. so 8-10 years is really tough on sibling dynamics, and we can't even be sure how these guys were raised because we also dont know a dang thing about their parents but it’s fine

with that in mind..... i still wanna give them the benefit of the doubt and say that once logan becomes a mercenary, they have the type of relationship where they still talk, and maybe logan comes back to divinitys reach and pays him a visit if only for sake of Trying to be like a family. they're still (human) BROTHERS, you know; if nothing else, they were probably raised to be social with each other SO i imagine that logan comes back sometimes and walks around with dylan and they idly argue about their morals

dylan, of course, keeps an eye on the salma district because these fun little orphan kids mess around and pull pranks on rich assholes who dont seem to have any patience for kids with no parents. eridunis is among those funny kids, and once he's maybe around 7-8, he starts running around the salma district and causing problems along with quinn and later riot alice (like in their teenage years more-so), and he's one that dylan really keeps a Close eye on. dylan tells logan about his issues with some of the young kids at the orphanage, and logan probably tells him off about it, like "you should care more about why those kids are acting out; you just see them as delinquents" etc; and ok back on track, eridunis meets logan when dylan takes logan to the orphanage one time, and eridunis is Obviously among the youngest there--even quinn and alice are at least a year older than him, and he's also pretty small, and he has that big mop of red curly hair, and logan is like "oh..... this kid does not deserve this life, none of them do"

so when logan comes back more often, he probably spends more time getting to know the orphans than he spends time with dylan, and they're both sort of okay with that. ofc logan has that moment of family panic when he's called back to defend jennah, and dylan dies, and he takes his place as seraph captain. so this is 1320 AE at this point: eridunis is 15, and i sort of like to imagine that logan at least fifteen years older than him, so i feel like it's pretty accurate to say he's about 30 by then.

alright this is getting friggen long enough, and i havent even really gotten to eridunis yet--eridunis really gets to know logan in those five years, and logan realizes that his earlier feelings of heartwrench for the kid may. have been misplaced. because this kid is annoying and doesnt seem to be taking logan or any seraph seriously, but logan also doesnt want to ?? arrest him??? he's a KID; he'd rather let eridunis get away with petty, silly crimes that really only disturb the peace more than anything else, because eridunis is honest enough to give logan any money he's stolen (if he's caught), it's just that he's not. learning from it lol eridunis.... around that time.... starts fooling around with quinn (and later, alice, experimentally) a little, and uh. it's not great? it's really just kids experimenting, but let me just say that he really regrets doing those very adult things so young--he's glad, at least, that he did them with people he trusts; he would have a lot more regret if he was sleeping around at that age. im sure logan catches eridunis getting frisky with quinn in an alley around 16 / 17, and he sits eridunis down in his office and is like "look, i know it's not completely appropriate for me to give you this kind of talk, im not your father, but everyone deserves to have a talk like this" and eridunis is like

"oh no"

so logan tells him all about how he matters and he wants eridunis to make good choices, all that good stuff; eridunis is >:( but he also sort of appreciates it.... he appreciates it more later, when he's older, and it's probably what holds him back from going all out as a horny youth.

i think he and logan bond more over stories logan tells about his mercenary work, and he tells eridunis about destiny's edge--albeit with some remorse, details held back, for the loss of glint and snaff and also the respect of his companions. eridunis is totally starting to look up to logan by this point, so he's like "screw all of them!! you did what you had to do!!" and logan is like "woah i mean i appreciate that, but.... eh you're probably right, rytlock was being real nasty to me so forget him" and eridunis is like "yeah, fuck him!!" and logan is like "NO--language, eridunis!"

once eridunis hits 20, we come to the personal story--eridunis is still incredibly young, but he's honing his necromancy skills (skills he started messing with when he was much younger, but he's never had a real weapon until now), and he becomes !! the hero of shaemoor! but of course he fucks up again, and this is also where i drift away from the canon a little, because i imagine that he doesn't talk to logan immediately, he goes back to the salma district to chill out, you know, steal some wallets--and he's immediately caught by the seraph Again, and this time, like i said in the other post i made about this, logan is like "i can either arrest you and put you in jail because ministers are mad, OR you can help me out with gang violence, and i can try to give you a job with the seraph."

and then we move through the personal story, and at each turn, eridunis is updating logan and excitedly telling him about his adventures. eridunis also takes plenty of opportunities to complain to logan about his new traveling partner, this agonizing magister who's snobbish and self concerned and maybe just a Little pretty--needless to say, eridunis comes back to logan's office all bashful like "youll never believe this.... i have a boyfriend. and it's arkus" and logan is instantly like "YOU CAME TO ME EVERY CHANCE YOU COULD GET TO COMPLAIN ABOUT THIS PERSON, AND NOW YOURE JUST HEAD OVER HEELS HUH" and eridunis yells back "YEAH WELL IM WEAK AND SHUT UP" but it’s all good haha

ofc eridunis helps logan fix his relationship with rytlock and the other destinys edge people, and theres just a lot of very positive father-son type things in general

and once we hit... heart of thorns......... eridunis is so worried about logan, and it adds a Lot onto his stress among.... other things. which i'll save for another post. anyway, by the time he sees logan again, logan is injured, and eridunis's fear for logan's life isn't really getting any better, but as he heals through season 3, eridunis is visiting him, writing to him, and he's so relieved when logan does heal up just fine.

once we hit path of fire, the opposite happens, and logan has a terrifying moment where he has to imagine a world without someone he really truly sees as his son, and i just imagine logan collapsing at his desk, and when taimi or canach likely contact him again with the news, he's so relieved that he just. breaks down. it’s a bad time, but it could have been way worse forever. eridunis takes some time to heal himself, and logan visits him a couple times, so thankful that he's okay

last thing i wanna say is with respect to the most recent chapter, all or nothing--eridunis is incredibly distraught as a result, and there's a moment where eridunis has to just hide from everyone in his tent, and arkus tries to take care of him, but eridunis eventually asks him to get logan, he just needs extra support from the only parental figure he's ever had. so arkus brings logan to the tent, and eridunis just..... leans against logan for a long time, cries a lot, arkus rubs his back and all that, and eventually, once eridunis calms down, logan gets to tell eridunis how much he cares about him, how he sees eridunis as a son, how he's always had an incredible amount of respect for eridunis, and okay it's very sweet but it's really making eridunis want to cry AGAIN because he sort of feels like he doesn't even deserve that respect for the mistakes he's made, but that's just how it be on this bitch of an earth, eridunis! you have a dad now, and he loves you! it means a lot for eridunis, who soon passes out and leaves arkus to chat with logan about how cool it was for logan to say all that, knowing eridunis looks up to him, and they take a moment to reminisce as father-in-law and gnc-son-in-law about the adventures so far

that's about all i have! i might go into more detail about specific moments within chapters, but this is long enough and i wanted to get it out there because im proud of the thought ive put into these boys already. i hope you enjoyed!

bonus pics!

[rectusdominus]

50 Questions Game

I was tagged by @lordfartwad thanks ily

1. what takes up too much of your time? panicking about things out of my control

2. what makes your day better? good music, sunshine, dancing/performing, working out and accomplishing something new

3. what’s the best thing that happened to you today? nothing happened today. eating toast was the best thing to happen today.

4. what fictional place would you like to go? Pandora would be cool? idk

5. are you good at giving advice? most of my advice is useless in a practical sense, so no

6. do you have any mental illness? yeah depression, there’s definitely an anxiety related problem in there somewhere

7. have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? no but I’ve woken up multiple times with my arm completely numb and immovable and had to manually wake it up again. not great.

8. what musician inspired you the most? Kurt Cobain which sounds cliche but it’s valid. Billie Joe Armstrong is also up there

9. have you ever fallen in love? I technically say no, but I fall in love with different things in a romantic sense every day

10. what’s your dream date? fun thing would be a concert or to the movies, dinner either at a place or outside somewhere, maybe we can just fuck around town at night and then sit outside somewhere until it’s late. I want spontaneous fun with friends or partners idk

11. what do others notice about you? don’t really know, probably how uncomfortable/unprepared I am in social situations

12. what is the annoying habit you have? there’s too much to unpack here

13. do you still talk to your first love? not applicable

14. how many ex’s do you have? not applicable

15. how many songs are on your playlist? I have too many playlists but my spotify library is maxed out at 10,000

16. what instruments can you play? I used to play clarinet but I can’t really play anything

17. who do you have the most pictures of? myself probably, I don’t have friends

18. where would you like to go before you die? Vegas again, Italy would be cool, but definitely Vegas

19. what is your zodiac? Leo

20. do you relate to it? now that I’m mentally stable? hell yeah

21. what is happiness to you? performing in front of a big crowd under lights, the thrill being on a big roller coaster on a hot summer day, watching the kids I coach succeed

22. are you going through anything right now? college stuff, getting a car/license, deciding on what I want to do in the next few years/where I want to be with myself

23. what’s the worst decision you’ve ever made? oh I’m not going down that road but thanks for asking

24. what’s your favourite store? Journey’s even tho I never buy anything there, I really should, the stuff is cool. I’m also really into sports apparel stores idk

25. what’s your opinion on abortion? I don’t necessarily “like” it but like.. it’s a safer option in some medical scenarios and also it’s none of my business if that’s something you want to do it’s better to have the option

26. do you keep a bucket list? not for my life, but I have stuff for the year or “by the time I’m this age” I take it as it comes

27. do you have a favourite album at the moment? The Menzingers, After the Party will always be The One

28. what do you want for your birthday? a tattoo or some piercings or a car or all of the above. NO WAIT I need to go skydiving bc I didn’t do it before I turned 20 so I have to do it while I’m 20

29. what are most peoples first impression of you? uhhh idk probably uncomfortable, seems kinda closed off so possibly bitchy, and idk she dresses kinda weird but I respect it

30. what age do you seem according to most people? younger than 20 I’ll tell you that

31. where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping? too close to my head but it’s so I hear the alarm/vibration to wake up

32. what word or phrase do you say the most? I say “dude”, “bro”, “yo”, “sweet”, “sick”, and I use the word “just” a lot in sentences for some reason. I sound like a 14 year old in 1992

33. what’s the oldest age you would date? idk 23-25? it would have to be like.. really worth it tho

34. what’s the youngest age you would date? 19, I think my limit would always be a year or two younger than me

35. what job/career do most people say would suit you? they don’t really

36. what’s your favourite music genre? rock music

37. if you could live in any country in the world, where would it be? besides here in hell idk maybe New Zealand? I don’t like anywhere, we’re all fucked

38. what is your current favourite song? “Smile Like You Mean It” by The Killers

39. how long have you had this blog for? since early 2012 I think

40. what are you excited for? the future

41. are you a better talker or listener? listener, I can’t talk for shit

42. what is the last productive thing you did? try to make sure my college money is useful to me

43. what do you want for Christmas? a tattoo pls thanks

44. what class do you get the best grades in? apparently math? but really just the ones I care the most about

45. on a scale from 1-10, how are you feeling right now? maybe an 8 just because I’m content but I do seriously wish I had something to do

46. what can you see yourself doing in 10 years? being a choreographer/coaching, or working behind the scenes somewhere for something related to my major

47. when did you get your first heartbreak? when my parents got divorced when I was 9, but it was for the best so !! yay

48. at what age do you want to get married? when/if it’s the time but not until after I’m 30

49. what career did you want to have as a child? I wanted to blow glass or be a welder or something

50. what do you crave right now? adventure

I tag: @whatlomalikes @boodhirooks @solovalker @gayperry @kingfindekano @bicon-pappymcpoyle and anyone else idk

[easily-bullied]

foolish

Ok so out of a constant need to preface every action I take with unneeded context so as to protect myself from criticisms I would never receive, I have to say that I don’t know how tumblr works and I don”t know if im going to be using it right but I want a space to write and for reasons I don’t want to look at right now my diary has to be out where anyone could see it even if no one ever does. 

Im high. I wonder how many of these I will be writing while high. I hope I dont keep track. I dont want to get more depressed. 

I’m feeling listless as usual these days. to set the scene, im a 30 year old trans woman who came out 2 years ago, and in the last year I lost my dog, my girlfriend, my dream home, and my job in that order. So anyways right now it’s been a low season. It’s been a big reset and I had no agency in any of it. In some ways I feel like the last life decision I got to make for myself was coming out. I dont think any of the shit i’ve gone through this year is a repercussion of that decision though. Its a decision that impacts every facet of my life but even with that I think it’s unrelated. hard to separate them though, like if I let my mind wander unchecked it makes a connection and I hate that. It’s not that coming out didnt have some consequences that were difficult or sad, but like I just don’t want to add to the list. 

listening to some sad music and writing some emo shit like this is really taking me back. Im so in my head about how old I am right now. it’s fucking me up and it really shouldnt bug me. I should go smoke more. 

I didnt smoke more. Wanted to keep you updated.

Anyways, I’m listless. I have big decisions to make but right now I have no wants or motivation. Like obviously Im depressed but still I guess it frightens me that I wont look forward. Focusing on no isnt good either I dont think. My best friend is moving away, I’m just in my apartment all day.  

Its honestly funny how much shit I’ve gone through the last little while. Like it sucks in a lot of ways, but also it validates my status as The Main Character, And like FYI it isnt that fun being the main character, But it is funny and it certainly is interesting. Im just worried that after this latest big status quo change, next season is going to be kind of messy. I’m worried that it’s not gonna be the type of show I’m used to. I guess I get to decide what kind of show it is. Thats kind of the big scary thing about it is that I just don’t know where to go from here. You spend like literal decades of your life with only one desire and you withhold it from yourself that whole time and then when you get it you look around and realize that because you fucked around for so long you didnt bother to want any other things for your life. Obsessing over wishing I was a woman, now I am one (always was blah-blah-blah) and its like ok well that was easier than I thought, now what.

Obviously right now theres some ongoing story threads happening but they feel placeholder. The further mending of my relationship with my mom, but thats basically wrapped up at this point. There’s the semi serious fwb situation with a girl from out of town but I don’t see that storyline having legs, if it does I won’t be disappointed I guess, but I would be surprised. It started to quickly after my break up, I think the vulnerability I had at that time lead to the increased intimacy that we have now. And now I’m in an isolating state so I can’t be vulnerable with anyone knew. I had told myself I wanted to enter a hoe phase but it turns out I don’t have that energy rn. Maybe thats depression or being 30 or I just never had that in me. 

I just want the next season to be fun, I want it to be fruitful and full of artistry and joy and freedom. Thats where I should be pointing my compass. I’ve been focusing on work and money and that will work itself out. Im white passing, I’ll be fine. Visibly queer I guess, but thats part of the whole thing. I just need to work at a library. All my problems will be solved. 

OK I feel better. I’m gonna put this away. thanks

[pissmood]

basically im just going to use this as a mood tracker and journal bc everythibg in the app store costs money that i dont have bc my account is $-300 because the hotel charges are still pending on my account! i dont really want to use an app anyway because what if i dont end up liking it? and most of them are like $30 a year or some shit and its stupid to me. every time im at work i look at the journal section and think about buying one but for some reason im scared. what if someone i know reads it? of course thats always an option here but idk, something about typing into the void seems safer because i have plausible deniability that its me, plus i can just delete a tumblr easily. plus the idea of strangers reading about my thoughts and my day is weirdly therapeutic sounding. maybe someone new will reach out and i’ll make a friend. probably not, but the chance is not 0.

anyway today was pretty okay. im 2 days in to my week off of work. i took a week off because ive been feeling overwhelmed and my partner said he doesnt mind. i didnt do a single thing today. just played around on my phone, didnt even play a video game, unless you count shining nikki lol. side note, im absolutely obsessed with nikki, theres a new event going in game and her dialogue makes me think she’s autistic which is probably why i love her so much lol. but yea, mainly just hung around all day, i put on lingerie because i thought my bf would like it, which he did, but idk i was hoping for something more romantic than what happened but oh well. after that i had a job interview at an ice cream shop, and i tried it out while i was there and it was delicious. then we went grocery shopping and went down every isle :). after getting home we ate snacks and i watched more tiktoks. i saw one that was like “POV: u grew up with a single mom in the early 2000s” and it showed a bunch of pics that really reminded me of my mom. it made me sad. ive been missing her a lot lately, i dont know why. i just wish i could talk to her, maybe see if being 24 was this fucking hard and desperate feeling for her too. idk. and then me and my partner were just talking about whatever and he mentioned how much he just doesnt want to do anything, and it made me realize how much i force him to do stuff with me. he never complained about it and when i brought it up he said he doesnt really mind, but i want to do better for him. i always ask him to take me places and do things with me on his days off, and i need to give him space to breathe. he works way harder than i ever could, and i dont really let him rest. i mean im taking a whole week off after we ALREADY took a weekend together to see my family because im so burnt out and stressed, i need to let him have time to do nothing too. i meed to respect his time and space like he does for me. i know he said he doesnt mind running errands eith me on his off days but idk. i just want to do right by him.

basically im just writing all this stuff down because i need to be able to self reflect, i meed to be able to get this all out and i dont know how else to do it. i want to write here about my day every day. ive been so overwhelmed recently and maybe this will help. maybe seeing it all written out will make me realize its not that bad and im just being a dramatic baby about everything. but yea i just want to be able to liveblog my life LMAO. tomorrow should be fun because me and my partner are going to my friends house to watch the meteor shower. very excited about that :).