#i dont know why it's really disheartening to see them go even though it was inevitable | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bubblepopsims · 10 months

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R: "I want to say it was one of the weekends Grandmama and Granpa went to one of their wine showcases, and i believe you were being in a undercover relationship.... god i still cant believe you went through all of that.."

Josiah huffed and raised a brow at Ruby "Oh you are one to talk... Izzi didn't officially come out until fucking college so who was a secret throughout the final days of high school mmm"

R: "too che.. fine but anyway so it was during one of those weekends. i was home alone, ready to link up with Hades and Sinclair when i received a weird message from Izzi... i still remember it because it didn't quite make sense."

I:"hey... i.. um i know it’s late.. but could i umm maybe come over? wait no that is stupid i am sorry, why did i even start off like that.. its just i don't want to be in my house right now and i don't... well you... yeah nevermind. I'm sorry to bother you."

R: "Izzi sounded like they were crying and shooken up.."

R: "of course i relistened to it to make sure i wasn't delusional... but from the voice i was used too... this was different.. so of course... i invited them over..."

R: "hey..." I: "hi... -izzi sighed and looked down at the ground in front of them- I'm sorry i know its late... and god i must have sounded so confusing in that message... i just didn't know where else to go...."

Ruby watched as Izzi darted their eyes around and clung to their own clothes as if this was the first and last place they wanted to be at.

R: "hey.. its okay.. i am glad you called.. you seemed like you could use a friend.."

Josiah laughed "A friend? A FRIEND ? AHAHAHAH! you probably wanted to do way more than that...."

Ruby huffed "shut. up."

Izzi sighed heavily and dropped their head again just to take a few steps forward and lean into Ruby.

Ruby sighed into the embrace and gently cupped izzi's head and arm R: "its okay i got you... -as Izzi pulled a bit away ruby gently rubbed her knuckles along Izzi's chin before booping their nose with her thumb- we dont even have to talk about it... we can watch movies and if you are hungry, my grandma left Josiah and I with some fresh made shepards pie. quite frankly i believe it is the best in the whole country"

Izzi chuckled and slowly nodded their head. "i would like that very much."

R: "you see..... we just had this instant connection... and even though nothing really happened until later on.. it just felt like we fit... no matter how defeated they sounded moments ago.. I was the one who could bring them back to a stable mind.. and I don't know I really liked that... loved that.. it was like I was their safe space... let them be themselves.. Broody and cutthroat at times, yet gentle and soft.."

"for a while, Izzi didn't talk just sat beside me on the sofa, but when They finally did... They didn't go into detail on the abuse, neither did they say it directly... but the hidden message between Their disheartening words, lead me to believe that Izzi was going through some kind of abuse at home.. I knew this for sure... I also knew in thar moment Izzi wasn't just struggling with their family but themselves..."

Ruby sighed "Izzi that night told me that really never felt one way or the other.. quite frankly the labels themselves were unnecessary to them. they just wanted to be Izzi... "

I: "My father and mother keep talking about arranged marriages...thinking about not even letting me go to college... my mother has been more on top of me about my diet, my attire, my fucking hair..... even if I breathe wrong I am just a fuck up...i don't want any of that.... fuck i don't even want to get married especially if it is like that...everything about it just seems so fucked up.. I don’t even see my parents genuinely love eachother.. they are emotionally unavailable and seem to not give a absolute shit about me. They just want to control me.. turn me into this perfect woman they can show off like a fucking trophy...” Ruby listened her brows bunching up tighter before releasing an aggravated groan. "That actually annoys the fuck out of me... your parents seem like they need to be kicked around this state REPEATEDLY! Tattoo fucktards on their forehead”

Izzi let out a huff with a small chuckle. "You are so violent.. but you know what? ... maybe even use a spiked bat... yeah... that seems fitting.” Ruby laughed "Aww you little psychopath, I knew it, you are always so quiet, yet so charming." She teased only to laugh at Izzis reaction. They were quite literally frowning. I: "gosh if that is your way of giving a compliment. We are going to have to work on that."

Ruby was flipped through the rows of rows of pictures until a light laugh escaped her lips. "I knew I had a picture of this night..."

Josiah took the picture and gave a small smile. "I can't deny you guys were quite cute together...."

Ruby sighed "We were....-the taste of past tense of them didn't seem to sting as much.. yet Ruby still let out another sigh- Izzi kissed me that night too.. right well a bit before this picture.. I was always very fluid with my sexuality.. but I knew that it might have freaked them out with how they felt towards me. Which made me feel.. special. Yeah special."

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#ts4 simblr #ts4 #ts4 screenshots #ts4 story #ts4 gameplay #the tribe #my sims #sims 4 #oc:ruby #oc:izzi

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jackienautism · 1 year

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I’m kinda surprised that you don’t like Dylan? He seems to be such the fan fav I don’t think I ever actually seen anyone rank him so low on their list- what’s your opinions on his character?

yeaah i just didnt really vibe with him when i played, plus i got pretty annoyed seeing him everywhere before getting into the game (travis too but thats a whole nother thing). like good for all you guys for having fun but i just cant get into it

im gonna be honest about my opinions on him so if you reeaaaaally like dylan i recommend not reading. and i mean that genuinely

1.ive just. i immediately saw dylan as one of those like male characters that get super popular in a fandom bc he: is white.is a guy. is a brunette. is associated w/ a gay ship. and is fit under a "bad boy / mentally ill / misunderstood" trope. i truly and honestly dont care if someone likes these types of characters. as long as you're not a fucking freak, i dont give a shit what you do. its just such a prominent trend that should make you go HMMMMM fandom hates women and people of color! and basically im just sick of that trend! so seeing dylan also fit into it turned me super off lmao

2. in relation to his character, i think its fine, i guess, its nothing revolutionary. especially in regards to other supermassive characters.... i thought about this during work one day and like. emily has a similar character to dylan LOL and ive had this thought before but. dylan and emma are also very similar character wise! in terms of like. compensating ina very negative way due to insecurity! but you know whch characters get the most flack for being dicks? for being bitches? for being the worst? and you know who doesnt?

3. i also particularly hated the thing he did to abi during the camp fire scene. like. i dont care if you compensate by making jokes and shit, you're still an asshole. and so is emma. and so is emily. i dont understnad why dylan should get ANY different treatment. but anyway, that dare was absolutely targeted towards abi and nothing will change my mind on the matter. abi is very clearly on the outside of the group. hell, the entire time everyone (mainly kaitlyn and emma) makes comments about how incompetent abi is when it comes to dating anf shit. and so for dylan to ask what he did? it put her on the fucking spot and humiliated her. i dont care if he "saves" it if you dont interrupt as ryan, there's absolutely no way hes unaware of abi's standing social wise in the group. him asking HER that of all people is just shitty. he fucking knows what abi's answer is gonna be. and even though she never answers the question, the damage is already done.

and before anyone says anything, i know nick also was targeted in diff ways for being "incompetent" in this specific sense. which is another conversation im willing to have. but even so, rthe comment ryan still makes bout not letting that "prep aesthetic fool you"? and the way he kisses emma? he clearly has got some "game" or whatever the fuck. whereas abi doesn't really have any of those moments (except for kissing nick first, which is something kaitlyn ryan and dylan said she wouldnt do LOL). and speaking of kaitlyn? and in association, emma? what they did to abi is one of the things i hate most about them and what happens in game. its actually what made me begin to DISLIKE both of them when it happened. basically what im saying is, kaitlyn and emma arent exempt from this criticism just because i dont like dylan. and i also dont care if thats the "point" of truth or dare. it still makes all the characters involved fucking dicks. they know how abi is like, emma especially, so seeing them all pull this shit is just disheartening and sad.

and 4. i like being hastag different

#the quarry #asks #anon #mine #text #hopefully this is competent #my thoughts #jesscourse #discourse #[emma mountebank voice] ok :) i’m done #my TQ tag #TQ

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natsmagi · 8 months

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i was typing this in the notes to an ask but it gogt waaaay too long lol sorry. prefacing it with you know i love your artwork & i have nothing against what you choose to draw. also possibly worded weird cus i didnt write it in the sense of talking only to you alone

there is certainly this conflict between artists as random individuals and artists as a collective when it comes to how to approach this issue… as a hobbyist you can draw whatever you like but also when you have trends like a lack of fatness thats going to be disheartening too. i think the answer is getting more people into making art (& like general societal change of course since its an issue baked into bigotry.)

because as much as i agree with the sentiment of "there is significant under representation of fat women" (or characters in general) at the same time fandom is a hobby space and i dislike the notion of badgering individual artists to draw any particular thing especially when the source material does not have that thing. if you are looking for artwork of fat women thats great but i would not ever recommend something like enstars that has 1. no fat characters and 2. no women, barring a few exceptions. i think expecting to find fanart of fat women from a source entirely composed of thin men is unrealistic, even with the relative popularity of femstars.

plus there are other complications such as the typical modern fandom f/f scene sometimes being very strict and even vicious at times with their standards of what's enough diversity or what content is appropriate. ive heard a lot of anecdotes about people who WERE contributing to these things but whom were still harassed or got threats from other users over it not being good enough, and that's just not conducive to creating the environment or diversity you want. nobody is going to want to be in a fandom space where they have to walk on eggshells all the time. and i bring this up because of how you were clearly harassed by randos. accusing you of misogyny or shaming other womens' bodies as being "unrealistic" is not the way to go

the only reasonable solution i can think of to this is, again, to just encourage more artists to start drawing in the first place, or even better start contributing yourself. individuals should have the freedom to draw what they like without getting flamed for it AND people should be able to see themselves represented in artwork. i would like to see some more fat characters too, this is definitely something ive thought about before myself

(personally all the fat people i draw are ocs or portraits of people i know that i dont want to post online but maybe if i get some inspiration i will draw the long-sought chubby mugi myself. i am not super interested in femstars though so whether or not itd actually be fem mugi is up in the air. but all the talking here about this topic has had me thinking about following my own advice and putting what i want to see into the world.)

OUGHH THESE ARE ALL GOOD POINTS!! and i agree! the main thing we should be doing is ENCOURAGING people to add more diversity, not harassing them into it! people who only draw for fun arent really obligated to draw anything outside of their comfort zone, which again is why i think its better to simply uplift the idea of trying out new things and new appearances that you dont often draw

theres also SO MUCH room for more femstars artists too! and like ive said before if you wanna see something done right you gotta do it yourself. and i kind of like that. i like that everyone gets to craft their own little femstars variant of the enstars cast, and you can make them look however you want! and honestly? you SHOULD! seeing personal touches to designs always brings me joy, so even if you dont feel very confident in your art, if you have a specific vision for a character that you want brought to life please go ahead and draw it!! (or if you really dont want to you can always commission someone)

i also wanna highlight one of ur last points too bc yea. its unfortunate but often times whenever i see someone try adding diversity to their art for the first time they end up getting flamed because its not an accurate depiction of what they were trying to represent. and that really sucks! obviously we should strive to have accurate representation, but if its an artist that hasnt tried their hand on it before, ESPECIALLY a beginner artist, we shouldnt flame them for it. rather we should educate them on what went wrong and how they can improve for the future. these are people who actually WANT and are TRYING to add diversity to their art, but because in animanga circles theres a lack of education on how to draw more diverse features of really any kind. which is why trying to educate is far better than shaming. because if you shame these artists theyre gonna be too scared to try again, giving us less diversity once more

so yes basically what im saying is i want us all to encourage diversity and to help each other out by sharing resources and tips when it comes to drawing it!! one person is Obviously not gonna be able to do every single thing, which is why i want more people to pick up the pen and bring life to their visions!! also i really want more femstars food pelase pick up the pen i am a starved orphan and only femstars yuri can satiate me!!!!!!!!!

#long post #<--felt warranted KAHJSDFK #but genuinely though i want diversity to be requested and desired #and i want it to be done so in a positive and respectful manner towards hobbyists #if we're talking megacorps u can shittalk them all u want and send all the angry emails in the world #but for artists on the internet who are only here to have fun its important to remember to be kind and encouraging!#bc asking them for rep in a hostile manner is only gonna create negative associations #which. would be counterproductive #diversity is a wonderful thing so please do not make people resent it by being rude!!!!#that is not what we should strive for!!!!#ask

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halinski · 3 years

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I have a lot of feelings about Buck, like don't even ask, I will never be able to put it into words or anything other than abstract feelings in this world

I just know this, Eddie loves Buck and Buck is ace and Taylor is a relapse ✌️

"You've been shutting me out."

It's ironic, Eddie thinks, that these exact words come now 20 minutes after the black out, which felt like maybe the world had shut down. They were stuck mid rescue in an elevator and well, the world had been such a whirlwind since he'd been shot, and this emergency and that- but now it had stopped. And they'd succumbed to their fate, sat down on the dingy elevator floor, bathed in a red back up light, the building silent around them. Out there, somewhere, a siren rang, and Buck sighed.

It was deep and heavy, like he was Atlas lifting the world off his shoulders for a break, something like relief, like that first deep shuddering breath when your lungs finally recovered from a run. It was way too heavy for a young man, barely thirty, who was finding himself. Eddie knew that Buck had been fighting lately. Mostly himself, but also his parents and past, and pushing past the boundaries of life that had been set around him. Then there was the shooting and Buck had truly been nerve-wrecked, Eddie was far from blind, and hell, he'd been a little preoccupied with figuring himself out, and recovering, letting go and paving the way for a future with no regrets- but he'd seen Buck. It was harder to look away at this point.

But he had, because the world had been spinning and Buck had been putting enough pressure on himself, becoming an uncle, and taking care of Chris with full abandon, and therapy and... Taylor. Eddie hadn't wanted to push too hard.

Now that they were here though, just the two of them...

Buck's looking at him, that irritated lost puppy stare, vulnerable and defiant all at once, like Eddie was the first to venture into certain spaces that made up Evan Buckley. It was a deliberant choice, at this point. Back in the beginning, he'd just reached out a hand and had been surprised to find an anchor to the world he'd never knew existed, and now he ventured further deliberately.

It hadn't been a question, and even so Buck looked ready to fight him, a last defensive wall, before he caved and those murky blue eyes dropped away. Full submission.

Eddie waited, opening up the room and hoping for his partner in crime and rescue to fill it and yet... Buck only shrugged weakly.

"Things have been..." He started half-heartedly, losing motivation half-way through and concluding with a disheartened, "busy." Eddie watched him busy himself with the callouses on his palm, picking and rubbing, as if he could erase the last few weeks of running himself ragged.

There had definitely been a lot less mentions of calls to Dr. Copeland lately, a lot of unfocused Buck, who was making himself smaller, less noticeable and quieter. Not that he was actually quiet, Eddie knew Buck could fill the building with vibrance for the benefit of everyone around within the blink of an eye. But his true emotions dwindled, where they'd slipped out before in shadows of an action, or an obvious plea hidden in drowning eyes - now he was more... Calculated.

And even now, Buck lifted his head again under Eddie's scrutiny in square-jawed surrender as if that was that to this conversation, there was nothing more to be done.

Eddie was not convinced. They'd gotten way too far, the two of them, to slip back down to the trenches in this mud slide. Eddie had found solid footing in his own world, and he was unafraid right here, under private eyes with the one person in the world he trusted most. Solid enough that he could stare right back at the nervous energy Buck was holding back and dare it.

What are you so afraid?

A question he had asked himself many sleepless nights, especially after Carla's little "follow your heart" speech, after he'd laid in bed, heart racing, hearing shots and all he wanted had been to-

All he'd wanted was safety, and he could've kept lying to himself, could've deliriously shouted at the universe that he didn't know where he could ever feel safe again, and yet his own body and heart had long gone betrayed him that day in the hospital just before he'd walked out, explicitly stating that he had signed his heart off to Buck a year ago. He couldn't even call it betrayal, because there wasn't a single cell in his body that doubted his decision, that doubted Buck. He just doubted... Himself.

And maybe that he'd be enough for Buck right now, still. He was so far from his best self, and yet better and more stable than he'd ever been. So he sat and he stared back, arms resting easily in his lap, and challenged.

"Why do you keep going back to her?"

Goddammit, Eddie, way to sound like the most jealous jerk in the world.

Buck winced, eyebrows seeming to ask 'really?' and 'what do you mean?' all at the same time and then shrugging again.

"Taylor?" He asked simply, biding time probably.

"Yeah," Eddie assured, the hum of the emergency light their only company as he waited for Buck to reply.

"She's the only one who really wants me," he said, but the tone of his voice wasn't right. Unconvinced. The admission to easily offered to ring true.

Eddie can't stop the snort of disbelief from escaping him. From all that he's heard about the rust-haired reporter... He couldn't imagine what Buck saw in her. He'd seen the effect of her words on him, saw Buck fall in line behind her with a bowed head, saw how the hurt now flared in Buck's face at his open faced challenge to that statement.

A part of Eddie wanted to grab Buck by the face and scream at him, can't you see?!

You're wanted whole-heartedly by me.

But Buck wasn't his to love yet, not really.

"Look, I don't know what you see on the outside but... She wants me. She chose me and I- what more could I ask for, you know? I'm... I'm working on it. On myself. And for now- this is it," Buck said, rattling it down like he was trying to work it into a checklist.

Eddie just wanted to know what 'it' was supposed to mean. But he nodded, because in a way it did make sense. The same way Ana had made sense, even though she absolutely didn't and he was glad that was over and he could laugh over that foolish affair now.

People had questioned his change of heart when he broke up with her during recovery, but when they'd realized he truly wasn't heartbroken and backsliding, they had taken it in full stride. A little misstep, no great scars taken (well except for the new bullet hole in his shoulder but that didn't really have anything to do with Ana, it just happened to be a part of the same journey heading toward a joined destination) and here they were at a pit stop.

The silence simmered between them, just somewhere right before the cliff, staggering before the precipice toward their comfort zone. It had always taken a little leap from both sides to get them to where they were today. Buck usually happens to fall into his without thinking much, just because he was ready to throw himself in dangers way or alternatively, rushing in out of sense of duty, and making it seem so, so very easy. The way he had walked into Eddie's house and kitchen, stepped right into his space and said: 'i'm here and I'm owning my mistakes because you're worth it' or something of the sort. All Eddie remembered was the care and the genuine emotion he'd felt and... The realization that he'd finally found home.

"It just feels like... You smile less when it comes to her." Eddie still did't really want to say her name. He wasn't about to go out blaming Taylor for all the times Buck was sad- it was just an observation. It took a lot to get Buck to giving up his smile. He hated that Taylor accepted a watered down version of him; bright, bold, and boasting Buck.

"Do I?" Buck asked, a furrowed crease appearing between his eyebrows, truly confused.

Eddie nodded.

"Relationships are always a compromise," Buck offered with a half-hearted twitch of his shoulder. "You know me. We're both pretty stubborn. We butt heads."

Buck flicked his wrist for a useless gaze at his watch. It made them none the wiser about the state of their rescue.

"Yeah, I know you," Eddie retorted gently. "Though, you do tend to have a point."

He could come up with a million examples. Eager, always ready to show up and make it work, Buck. How many times had he burrowed himself into Eddie's skin already with truths that stuck like thorns until Eddie accepted them into his bones.

All he wanted was to return the favor

The man granted him a small, crooked smile. It was crazy how much so little could mean to one person. Desperate, wounded, isolated Buck.

How Eddie wanted to tell him explicitly 'dont do what I did, kid, don't fall back into and habits at first chance just because you don't think you're worth anything else'- there were reasons why it didn't work in the first place. He'd learned the exact same lesson with Shannon. And God, the way Eddie had dragged Buck with him back then, for safety, as he had ranted to him and searched for the answers, only to make the same damn mistake.

That wasn't his life.

And Taylor wasn't Buck's. And Eddie knew this.

Knew from what Buck had told about her the first time she had been around, and from all that Eddie had heard about Buck's relationship to sex. It had turned into a joke at the station, oh, Buck and his self-diagnosed sex addiction, but Eddie recognized that worried little steeple on Bobby's forehead when he reminded everyone that that one therapist wasn't licensed to work for them anymore. But it went way deeper, didn't it?

Eddie knew about self-destructive behaviors. Not intimately. But he'd learned a lot about PTSD lately and adjacent behaviors. Buck and sex was a self-destructive bomb if he'd ever seen one.

And it was no coincidence that Taylor and Buck's relationship centered around physical intimacy.

Buck showed up where he was wanted or needed. They all knew that.

"Just... Make sure you get what you want too," Eddie said. "Put yourself first."

Cue the bewildered, insecure facial expression. Now and then Eddie wished he could hide Buck from the world. Shield him. For now all he could do was stand by.

"Because you'll always be wanted. Make sure the reasons are right for you. It has to be good for you."

And Eddie wouldn't be leaning so far out the window if Buck were to look him in the eyes and say 'nah it's not like that' but all he did was get quiet. Eddie couldn't leave him sitting like that, rearranging himself to stretch his legs out before they fell asleep and casually leaning his shoulder against Buck's.

"You're a good guy, Buck. You deserve only the best.

If you wanted Buck to hear you sometimes you had to get straight to the point.

Maybe one day Eddie could conquer his fear and say what he really wanted to say.

When they were both ready.

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elliium · 3 years

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no ur making total sense like. idk my mcc pov is usually fruit or illu and theyll probably get strong teams (blue 9 teal 13 respectively r pretty popular) but even then like… i dont want to watch teams get absolutely shit on by like. dteam + bad or wtv the fuck just bc theyre not as popular. even if the players on weak teams are /ok/ with their teams and playing for fun it wont be a fun experience for Me (and im sure its true for plenty of other players!!) not to mention that like. this honestly does open the door for plenty of duos/trios/teams that we wouldnt necessarily see in a canon mcc but that arent obscenely strong. idk i just hope the all stars teams at least have some aspect of balancing to them rather than just “these people r popular :)”

ee thank you i was worried i was alone and everyone around me was thinking god ellie you’ve gone mad. but yes i agree with what you’re saying i think you put it into better words than i did!!!!

i really don’t like the idea of people being almost forced into “for fun teams” even though they have the capability of playing Completely Competitively and often Do sign up as competitive, when someone with the exact same skill level but more popular wouldn’t be treated like that because it’d be “unfair”.

like the all stars predictions posts on the reddit are all often the same it’s the popular teams together (which usually consists of the dsmpers, ren, false, fruit and pete) and then about 12 people that they clearly didn’t know who to team them with. like yaaaasss i’d love a return of purple1 but you’re not actually telling me you think kara burren and michael are going to be hard carried by dave (as much as i love them all) to the finals against motherfucking dreamnap ? like i know that they were put on that team together because people don’t know who else to team them with . the “there should be No balancing at all :)” is so frustrating to me because Imagine if you were a player put on the bottom team with 3 other mid tier players!!!! i want a chance!! *~vibes~* is fun but even sylvee said that she Didn’t Like That She Was Put On Teams With No Chance of getting to dodgebolt, and That Was In Normal MCCs! that wasn’t in what’s going to be the probably most impressive and competitive event of the whole of mcc!!! it’s not just upsetting for the Player (who admittedly would probably not say anything and would just go in prepared to Have to play for vibes), it’s also disheartening for the viewers (even watching the viewer teams in mcc10 was a bit sad even though I Knew that they were there to have fun and weren’t expecting to win, like this is likely to be that x100) i wouldn’t expect driz viewers to watch him play on a team that’s not leaving the bottom 3 (like did you See the reaction after green14, and that Wasn’t Even The Bottom Team! or a team that was predicted any lower than maybe 4th!!! that was considered a good team!) so why should i expect joel or cub or puffy or sylvee or burren’s etc fans to sit and just get on with them on a team that’s not coming close to the top you know ?

like it’s all stars it’s a once in a lifetime thing Everyone wants a chance to win at the back of their mind no matter if they say they’re there for fun or not because It’s All Stars, and id feel really shit if i was told “:p yeah sorry you’re on a team statistically 9th and because all the other teams are statistically 4000 points above you there’s likely not much budging and there’s less than 1% chance of you getting anywhere above 6th but hey, your vibes will be good won’t they!” like what’s the difference between driz putting down “wants to compete to win” and someone like cub putting down “wants to compete to win” and Why are the teams that they’re likely going to be put on this week going to be miles apart in ability

#ask ^-^#ok i don’t know if this one makes sense either LOL i’m just typing what i’m thinking #sorry for rambling and ranting #i just feel strongly because i watch a lot of smaller streamers who won’t necessarily be the top pick for iconic duos/trios/teams

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khuzena · 3 years

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I love you to the moon and back

Ff xiao

your pov.

Tw. Double suicide, depression, angst, fluff at end,

"Babe, i just want to talk about something."

"Huh? What is it?" xiao questions you

"I.. You always go on adventures with traveler but not me, im not jealous but can we please spend sometime together? You always ignore me..." you say as you pout

"Im busy ok." he scoffs at you

" But babe can you atleast tell me where you're going sometimes? You're making me worry..."

You reach out to his hand but he slaps your hand away from him.

"I don't need your permission. I help the traveler with their adventures because they're stronger and better than you."

He glares at you with the scariest and coldest glare ever.

You feel fear rush all over you.

'why traveler? why not me? im your lover xiao' those flood all over you

As xiao looks away from you, you feel the tears prickling down your cheeks. These tears make you feel like it's burning your skin. It's painful. Why?!? Why?!? What did I do wrong?

Xiao just ignores your cries and before he left the room he said

"You really thought I loved you? I fucking hate you annoying little shit always clinging onto me"

You couldn't help but cry even more when xiao just abandoned you alone in your room.

The floors were becoming tearstained and the walls were echoing with your cries.

The pain is so overwhelming that you can't even move your limbs.

_______

After a week that fight happened between you two, Xiao just ignores you. It's like you never existed to him. And you, still dwelling on that painful memory. Everything hurts. You wanted to end it all.. But you didn't want to give up yet, you always tried to talk him but he doesn't even look your way.

what did i ever do wrong?

Ah yes.

Traveler chitchatting with him. The expression on his face... I've never seen that happy look on him. I envy traveler.

'if only i was like them?'

'i wish i wasn't like this'

Days went on and traveler and xiao have fun together while you are here just suffering

You run away but you can't stop remembering his face with the traveler.

Everything reminds me of him...

...

You grip hard on the pen as you write your farewell letter.

The letter is already wet from the tears even though you just wrote the

'dear xiao,'

It hurts knowing that you'll finally leave him and this world. This was your decision, remember? He was the only reason that made you move forward no matter what the situation. You wanted to live for yourself and for him. Now that he's left your grasp, you have nothing left. Yes, you do have many friends and wealth but at what cost?

Your life feels dull and gloomy.

'it hurts so much to write everything i feel on this letter but it's better than letting it in forever in my heart'

As many seconds, hours and days go by, you've finally finished the letter. You brought yourself to finally finish it. Even though it was merely a letter, it was like a way of freeing these hurtful emotions inside. It took you a week to finish it.

Not because you were busy or anything but it was because it just hurt knowing you'll finally do it.

It.

The word 'it' maybe a simple and short word but it has many meanings. By the it that you would do. It's the depressing one.

You'll finally let go of everything

I just, want to say goodbye for the very last time

________________

Xiao pov.

I was so irritated by them whining for your attention that it made something inside you awaken.

Anger.

I just wanted them stop blabbering about shit.

"You really thought I loved you? I fucking hate you annoying little shit always clinging onto me"

You really lost it. Huh?

I try to look away from them and they're crying...

I.... Did this?!?

I glance back at them as they're just facing the floor and letting the tears run from their face to the floor.

...

I can feel it.

The karmic bonds again...

I feel so ashamed...

Why?????

I dont want to see you cry again..

My body froze for a minute until I walk at the door and close it behind me...

What have I done?!?

Im so sorry y/n...

_______

After a week that fight happened between you two, I just feel so ashamed to look at them again. To the point that I ignore them and give them the cold shoulder. I keep on dwelling on that stupid painful memory... Why can't I stop seeing her face everywhere?

As I lay my body on the railings, I notice traveler coming up to my direction.

"Hey xiao I was jusy wondering if you're ok... You look kinda sad today... You can take a break for a while from adventuring with me."

Traveler's face looks so emphatic. Like how y/n's face when they see me suffering from my karmic bonds again.

"nothing's wrong." i say to the traveler

'that's a lie. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it!'

Why? Why do i keep seeing and remembering that tear stained face that day when we fought?

I just want to forget it.

"Huh? You really don't look okay."

...

"*sigh* Fine. Something happened between me and y/n. I can't get it off my chest and whenever I see those dull and teary eyes, it makes me feel like crying and when I do, it stings... It hurts traveler"

im so weak for letting traveler see this side of me. i should've held it in. but i can't.

"no... It's okay xiao, tell me about it.. Im always here for you, okay?"

When I hear crying, I always her their crying and begging for me to stay.

Everything reminds me of them...

...

I told traveler the situation and they look disheartened.

They're already giving me help on how to bring back me and y/n's relationship back.

While we think about what to do for an apology, traveler gave me an idea on how to apologise to y/n. They said that I should say something to them.

Like sorry and I love yous

But all I want right now is their warmth.

If only, I didn't lose my cool.

None of this would've happened.

I don't want them to really leave me. I want y/n to stay with me. I really fucking love them but I freeze whenever I think about facing them again. It feels shameful to face someone and apologise rgiht in front of them, even though I've done terrible things to them

' * **** *** ** *** **** *** ****'

Yes. Thats what i should tell them.

I don't want to let go of y/n, they're my everything

I just, want to apologise and be with them again

______

your pov.

You couldn't face him.

You can't bring your self to say that you're thankful for everything and you're ready to end yourself.

Xiao was always with me even when i was young, he was there to always love and take care of me. So i took care of him as well when he was at his lowest because of the karmic bonds and conflicts.

Who knew it would end like this?

You slip the letter at the side of the balcony where xiao sits, hoping that he takes it and reads it.

After that, you go to the place where it all started,

The cliff at the mountains of qingyun peak.

_____________

Xiao pov.

As i mustered up the strength to face them directly thanks to traveler, I go to the balcony first to calm myself down first.

As I lay my self at the balcony sides, i notice a letter on the sides.

Huh? A letter at the balcony?

This is unusual.

It's wet from tears. Nonetheless, it's just a small letter for someone who i dont care about.

Wait.. What?

To me??

As i open the letter, I was horrified from its contents.

P1/2

#xiao genshin impact #xiao angst #genshin impact #genshin xiao #genshin angst #genshin fluff #xiao fluff

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whisperingrockers · 4 years

Note

would u. i dunno. perhaps articulate some thots on toh infinity train au 😳 if u can

HM. i will do my best. but...i dont really know how to organize my thoughts. i guess i should probably just start with the characters and go from there, huh. also in this particular au these characters don’t actually take the place of tulip, lake, jesse, grace, etc- i think they’re all just there under different circumstances.

Luz

okay so we’ll start with Luz because. she’s the main character, y’know. very important. i think the catalyst that brings her to the train is her mother signing her up for Reality Check summer camp because as a creative it’s just! disheartening to have someone you love tell you that you’re not going to make it in this world if you don’t conform to what everyone else wants. so of course when a huge mysterious locomotive suddenly pulls up to the bus stop you KNOW luz gets on, no hesitation. after all, isn’t that something right out of a sci-fi adventure novel?

unlike tulip, luz is THRILLED to find herself on some unknowable train where each car is a new adventure just waiting to happen, where there are always new friends to make, new places to see, and tons of puzzles to solve? she’s made to feel like the protagonist right out one of her fave animes.

also, really important to note that her number is probably tied to how she relates to the other passengers on the train. i feel like there’s an overarching theme in the show about how luz is going through a lot of firsts when it comes to interpersonal relationships, especially friendships, so i wanted to keep that going in this au- i imagine her number goes up when she finds her friends tapes and convinces them to watch with her because this is obviously the easiest and most straightforward way to get to know them! (luz poppin that bad boy into a vcr player: this mama is ready for trauma!)

realized how wordy this is going to be LOL

Eda

hough so this is a human au also (i assume? infinity train world really do be existing in some limbo state of reality where your reflection can just up and ditch you). i see her as a jack of all trades, master of none type, with a lean towards perfumes and handmade soaps that she sells at fairs or farmers markets and also pickpocketing. i think she sees something that reminds her of the life she used to have/would have had before lilith [redacted because i do not know what she DID yet but on GOD we will have canon continuity] and that drives her to get on the next train headed anywhere.

her number is tied to how much she allows herself to open up; the more she uses her salesman cover to keep others at arms length, the higher her number goes, which is why it’s so important for her to team up with King and Luz; they help her open up and be more honest with herself.

King

king is actually a denizen of the train in this au; i love him too much to turn him into a real ass dog, so i wont. eda meets him in a car full of plush toys, which he refers to lovingly as his army of the damned. i almost want to hold off on writing up any more for him because i know there’s more to king’s character than meets the eye. still torn between eda trying to bring him off the train with her or having him realize that the whole TRAIN is HIS KINGDOM, and all its passengers loyal peons who need their mighty rulers HELP, for without him they would PERISH.

for now though eda sees him and is immediately like get over here (reaching emoji)

Willow

willow is a tough one for me because in all honesty having your longtime friend tell you out of the blue that they can’t be friends with you anymore would be enough to send me packing to the train, but with willow i think it’s less about amity and more about how the fallout between them affects her social and academic success. the frustration reaches a tipping point that has her running out of the classroom and finding the train.

and yes, willow is a very sensible, bright girl, but she was also SO ready to trick the principle and steal from the emperor for her friend so i don’t think getting on a mystery train is wholly out of the question for her, y’know?

There’s a lot about repression in the way willow deals with things generally, so her number is tied to passivity. the more she allows others to infringe on her personal boundaries to keep them placated, the higher her number goes. when she stands up for herself to others (sometimes even her friends!) the number goes up. willow x agency and clear limitations is my otp

Gus

gus was actually a SUPER easy one for me we know so much about him from the episodes he’s been in; he’s an overachiever, he’s passionate about what he loves, he’s a natural showman, and he is constantly pushing himself to be the best that he can be, all the time. the hustle doesn’t STOP for gus, and i...i...(tears up)

anyways, i think the thing that draws him to the train is getting suddenly ousted from the club he formed at school. he’s young, and having everyone you had assumed were your friends turn their back on you and throw you out of the space that you CREATED FOR THEM would be shocking to anyone, but it broke gus’ heart clean in two. after he’d picked his bag and himself up off the hallway floor, he’d left the building in a daze, not even realizing as he boarded the train door that had suddenly opened up in front of him until it was too late.

i’m actually going to go so far as to say that gus would likely be the one MOST interested in the truth of the train- he’d be asking the tough questions, like what is the purpose of the train? who made it and its technology? where does it exist that it can be both at his school and also speeding across a barren desert landscape at the same time? How does it create sentient lifeforms? the train helps him discover a new passion; journalism. he finds a journal that speaks to him as a friend and advisor in one of the trains, and he takes careful note of everything that happens to and around him. by the time he meets up with willow, he’s got so many ideas and theories that the other girl would have never thought to consider until that very moment.

idk what his number relates to because he’s perfect the way he is but if i had to take a shot in the dark it probably has something to do with finding somewhere he feels he can belong, as well as being able to mourn and let go of the people he’d considered his friends before he’d gotten on the train.

sorry this is so long i just have a lot of . gus feelings.

Amity ( + Edric + Emira )

lumping these whites together

okay so nobody wants to hear me talk about blight angst there are 800 posts about blight angst, so long story short the three siblings run away, get into an argument with each other, amity ditches them for the train while they’re asleep, and the twins panic and chase after her, determined to find her because in the end they’re all they’ve got.

‘next stop: amity blight’

i think it’d be a cool journey to see the three of them going from ‘we need to be together out of necessity’ to ‘we need to be together because we love each other, and that genuine support structure will pull us through when everything else fails.’ but in order for that to happen they all have to have their own journey, so at some point edric and emira finally get into a spat and that’s enough to get edric and emira stuck on opposite ends of a retracting bridge. send that mans to the BACK of the train.

emira: my greatest fear is being stuck with edric forever emira: (gets separated from edric) emira: haha wait please say psyche

amity’s number is definitely tied to her fear of failure, of not being enough for the people she holds closest to her- in this case her siblings, and then lilith, and then luz when they finally meet. when she acts without concern for what the people around her think and when she sticks up for what she knows is right, even when the majority is against her, her number goes down.

for ed and em im...i don’t want to think about their feelings because they’re supposed to be clowns but i am forced to consider that they may be jealous of their sisters independence. also separating them means they both have to take responsibility for all their own actions and choices, which is probably pretty new for the twins.

Lilith

im out of energy actually znzzzsnsz uh. estranged sister who sees something that reminds her of the relationship she used to have and she’s not actually as over it as she thought so the train....she..hghrg

#toh #the owl house

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artemiseamoon · 4 years

Text

Announcement & Account update

Just wanted to say thank you to the support system & amazing readers on here who have been so supportive and just amazing. (Masterlist linked at the bottom & in bio for now)

Thank you to the friends I met. My rant below is not about you, you are golden & literally keep me from deleting my works which I’m so temped to do.

I really do battle if it’s worth it posting on this site anymore. And I’m feeling shitty again with busting out content, well thought out and visual content, to only get 90% likes. It sucks. We are in a scroll & like culture.

For the last 6 months, it has not felt worth it. I feel like I’m getting 10% back what I give out. Except for the amazing core ppl who do remind me why I do this. Or the random comment that literally makes my day.

I almost deleted two days ago and three comments made me stay. See, you gotta interact & talk to the writers. Like their stuff? Say something. Throw a gif in the comments. Something. Tumblr IS instagram now and it sucks. I’m completely disheartened.

And it’s hard to not-notice, things getting reblog fed of a similar vein from other writers BUT the same followes only ever “like” my stuff. Never reblogs or comments. Why follow me then? I don’t get it.

It may seem like whining but unless you are a major account no one sees your stuff without reblogs. Literally it’s how fics get exposure. That’s how it works. We are not making that shit up.

And comments? Even just emojis?gifs? It shows the reader some damn love. We write for free, a reaction wouldn’t kill anyone or a smile. If you can’t repost for whatever reason, the fic doesn’t mix with your aesthetic? but you liked it? would it hurt to throw a smiley face in the comments?

Sure likes are nice, and lots of us, me included like things to save them. It’s my “for later” method. But once I read I always say something, even if it’s an emoji cause I’m tired or whatever. Even if it takes me months to get to it, (ex: long ass read list) once I read, I’ll say something.

I can’t help but think it’s personal sometimes or that since I’m not part of the fandom famous accounts my stuff just matters less. Or, man I hate to go here but, is it because I’m a black woman writing in the fandoms with diverse ofcs? I don’t know.

To be clear as day, writing is my LOVE! My mode of communicating. I write to clear my mind, to heal, to explore and create worlds. Still, when posting publicly it’s hard as fuck to ignore the above. No I am not a robot, I can’t just ignore it. Thought I could. I can’t.

Sure, I post for myself too but when you create content that takes time, love, etc & just mainly get likes back it fucking sucks. I don’t enjoy it. And if you see ppl who follow you comment/reblog other people’s stuff and not yours it sucks even more.

One comment has the power to inspire a writer or help them keep writing a fic they were ready to abandon. This even happened to me with a fic, I was ready to trash it until one person told me what it meant to them. See that power?

One reaction photo. One series of emojis. Whatever. One repost can expose a fic to endless more people. Shy or afraid to write? Send love though anon! Personally, Anon love has literally made my day more than once.

I miss how it used to be here.

When did interacting & reblogging become taboo? When did writers start “asking for too much” by hoping people show their work some love?

I’ve even see posts circulating where people say they won’t reblog if the see someone ask. What kind of immature bullshit is that? So you want to consume free content then punish us or “rebel” if we ask for some support to be cool? Like wtf? That makes you cool somehow? What the fuck is happening?????

I need to decide what I’m going to do. Until then I don’t have answers. Again, this is not about those who have been supportive even if it’s just an emoji now and then.

For now, I’ll be here but I dont know after that. I do plan to finish the remaining request & a few wips in the meantime.

If you are looking for it, here is the masterlist

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skies-diary · 3 years

Text

With birth rates dropping, particularly in developed nations, world leaders are pushing people to have more children to combat an aging population. Think Shinzo Abe in Japan and the newly revised 3-child policy in China. While I can't think of western examples quite so on the nose, the child tax credit and infrastructure bill's focus on childcare in America may be trying to push citizens towards reversing the falling birthrate.

However, many people still aren't having children. Some simply dont want children, but with others, I see a variety of topics as cause. Fear of the world we'll leave our children due to climate change, lack of finances for a child (whom are very expensive), wanting to focus on their careers, ect. One thing I rarely see brought up, however, is the deteriorated quality of modern-day family life.

I have a sister who worked at a daycare. It enrolled children up to 5 years old, and was open from 7 to 5 every weekday. My sister would tell me how some parents would be sitting in their car, idling outside the main doors, at 6:45. The same parents wouldn't be back until 4:50, sometimes 5:00 exactly, to pick their children up.

Think about it. 7 AM to 5 PM is 10 hours. TEN HOURS a day these kids were apart from their families. Most of these kids were 3 to 5. 3-5 year olds need 10-13 hours of sleep daily. Let's go on the low side and say your kid needs 10 hours. Factor in the two hours of rest time from the daycare, and that's 8 hours left.

So you drop your kid off at daycare for 10 hours. You bring them home and they need to sleep for 8. That's 18 hours a day you and your child are apart, which leaves 6 hours a day you have together. 6 hours out of a day, where parents still have to do things like clean the house, prepare meals, do laundry, ect. How many hours are you really spending with your kids at that point? 3 or 4 a day?

Its disheartening, to say the least. What really hurts, though, is things dont have to be like this. For most of human history, things weren't. For most of our history, families lived together, not apart. Most children lived in the same community as their parents well into adulthood. Children spent all day with their families.

I remember Republicans pushing a return to school very hard, saying it would make kids happier to return to a "normal" schedule. However, it turns out many children were actually happier during the lockdown. And why wouldn't they be? They got a taste of what life was like when things slowed down, and they had a chance to live and spend time with their families.

Late-stage capitalism is insidious. It locks survival needs like food, shelter and healthcare behind paywalls. It causes untold mental duress, particularly to the poorest and most vulnerable in the system. One thing I rarely see addressed, however, is the effect it has on families. How it literally rips children from their parent's arms once the six weeks of maternity leave are up, and work starts again.

I want children. I'd love to have kids, truly. But why bother while living under capitalism? Even if I had kids, I'd only have them for six hours a day. Even less of that would be quality time. How well would I even get to know them? How well would they know me?Would you even truly consider that to be a family?

The 2020 lockdown was one of the most stressful periods any of us can remember. Yet, many children were actually happier during such a dark, stressful period, because their daily schedules were no longer warped by capitalism's demands on their parents. And that really says it all.

#late stage capitalism #american politics #my posts #politics #children #falling birthrate

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magioffire · 3 years

Note

Mun Salt | 🍵 what's a minor RP pet peeves of yours ? 😗

listen to my salty opinions ; accepting

alright, i think ive been rping long enough to have a few rp pet peeves that are relatively minor but still annoying as shit.

i realize no one follows reblog karma anymore, and that everyone basically reblogs from the source nowadays, but boy is it annoying and obvious when youre the first one to reblog a meme, and everyone reblogs it from the source cuz they saw you post it, and not only does no one send anything to you, but also sometimes youll have moments in the rpc where barely anyone will send anyone anything. ok i get it i get it i get it, i am not entitled to other people's time to put an ask in my inbox and also neither should anyone be entitled of my time all the same, and that not every meme is gonna work for everyone mun and sometimes you legit have nothing to say/send but....roleplay is a social hobby, its really disheartening when you reblog an interaction meme or a meme looking for feedback and everyone sees it, because everyone reblogs it from the source via you, but no one bothers to send eachother stuff. like im trying to solicit interaction on my blog pleASE-- i try my very best to send stuff into people though i know i could be better because i do spend long periods of time away from the dash and end up losing track of a lot of the memes people post, but when i see a meme on the dash that i wanna reblog that was reblogged by another rper, i try to send something. when i see a mun posting a meme that takes 2 seconds to send a symbol/prompt, i try to do that. because i want people to know its okay to send me stuff, because i know a lot of it has to do with anxiety. so i cant blame people too much. hence why its a minor pet peeve.

hmm....another minor rp pet peeve of mine is when people obviously just skimmed your bio and make assumptions about your character or their backstory or stuff such as that. now this is not the same as figuring out shit about a character and asking questions, sometimes you want clarification/details on a certain aspect of a character's bio, i encourage people ask me to elaborate on details in my bio and rules! no ,its when people say stuff like 'dug their nails into the soft skin of vali's back' when...hes got a literal armored wing carapace on his back its def not soft and your nails would have a hard time breaking through the chitin plating without breaking unless you got extremely hard, sharp nails. or people assuming vali is tall, which is kinda funny to me because it tells me vali gives the impression hes tall, hes got Tall Energy in a SHort Body, again, a minor thing, but still annoying. or when people assume things about vali's personality -- now, i have no issue with characters making assumptions about vali, in fact it creates interesting conflict, vali is meant to subvert many of the ideas people inititally form about him, but when you as the mun are making really reaching assumptions about what my muse would do and how they would interact? thats a touch too far. its like godmodding but ooc godmodding lol. one of the worst examples i can think of, is assuming my character would be okay with master/slave f*tish rp because of my character's back story as a slave who rose to power. that was some bullshit.

and the last minor pet peeve of the night: when people refuse to use hard block. honestly i dont get the point of softblocking someone you dont want to interact with your blog. i think its because people think that hard blocking is too 'harsh' or 'personal' but honestly, at this point? its 2021 be fucking ruthless with your space. hard block people who you dont want interacting with you, it doesnt even have to be because they are bad people or whatever, if its some stranger you dont even know, whose annoying you, or you just dont like their posts, or you dont wanna rp with them, go ahead and block! its your space baby! a lot of problems get solved when you just hard block instead of soft blocking. soft blocking is for clearing out inactive blogs from your following list, so they may return whenever they want. if you truly do not want someone to interact or come onto your page again, block them for real

#ooc.#asks.#somniumled #negative cw #sort of?#opinions

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fellulahh · 4 years

Text

Mammon visits MC in the human realm and Lucifer gets jealous, Part 5/???

This one’s going to be a long one so brace yourselves! Read Part 4 here

Lucifer had a sombre look on his face as he entered MC’s room. She gazed at him expectantly as he stepped toward her bed. Her face fell when he didn’t look pleased to see her.

“How did it go?” MC asked softly as Lucifer stopped in front of her.

He let out a breath as his expression remained cold. “We talked and it’s been decided you will be staying in the palace for the time being.” He spoke reluctantly.

MC’s eyebrows furrowed as she processed his words. “What? Why?”

“Diavolo wants you there.” Lucifer answered, a hint of jealously in his voice.

“He does?” MC asked more confused, “When am I supposed to move?”

“Tonight, Diavolo’s orders. He deems it to be safer for you in the palace - your baby is the key to uniting our two realms, he doesn’t want anyone getting in the way or threatening this key”

Hearing him refer to it as her baby and not theirs stung. “So I’ll be apart from you?” She asked upset.

“Yes.” He nodded, his face softening for the first time that day.

Unable to resist her wide eyes, Lucifer lifted his hand, caressing her cheek as he gazed down at her. He flashed a sad smile down at MC as he sighed. “He’ll take care of you.”

“But that’s not what I want.” She breathed as he removed her hand from her skin.

Lucifer sat down beside her, taking her hand in his. “It’s not what I want either but it’s for the best.” He tried to convince her before glancing at her alarm clock, noticing the time. “You should prepare your bags. Diavolo will be here at 7.”

Lucifer stood up abruptly. MC remained silent as she glared at him leaving the room. She couldn’t believe it. Lucifer went through all of the effort to come to the human realm just to see her but now that they’re back in Devildom together, she’s being palmed off onto Diavolo.

MC could feel tears building in her eyes as she looked at her clothes spread across the room. Just as quickly as she arrived, she was now leaving again. Letting out shaky breaths, she climbed off the bed and began reluctantly packing. She’d never felt so many emotions at once - she was embarrassed to have shown her desperation to Lucifer. It was all for nothing.

“I’m only at the palace - you can come and visit me.” MC smiled sadly as she hugged Mammon, “it’s not like you won’t see me again - you’ll still be stuck with me at RAD for now.”

Mammon wasn’t convinced. Since finding out MC would no longer be staying with them, the brothers were not subtle in showing their disdain toward Lucifer’s and Diavolo’s agreement. Having already said her goodbyes, MC approached the last brother: Lucifer.

“MC I—“ he breathed.

“Don’t.” She interrupted him, “I understand you’re doing what you feel is best.” She spoke in an unconvincing voice.

Lucifer gave her a sad gaze. “I didn’t want you to go.”

“It doesn’t matter now.” She shook her head, “I’ll see you soon, Luci.”

MC gave into her heart’s needs and pulled him in for a tight embrace. Lucifer hugged her, burying his face in her hair as he let out a hefty sigh. He didn’t care that the other brothers were seeing him be so affectionate with her.

Pulling out, she flashed him once last small smile before turning to head out the door. She never turned her focus as she walked down the path. Standing at the end of the drive was Diavolo.

As he saw her coming, a smile spread across his face. “MC.” He spoke in his low voice opening up his arms, “I understand you may be upset - come here.”

Accepting his hug, MC basically fell into his embrace as he wrapped his muscular arms around her. She sulked into his chest as he rocked their bodies. “I’m going to take good care of you.”

Meanwhile, sick of seeing Diavolo holding MC, Lucifer firmly closed the front door. His body jolted when he turned around, being met by a very furious looking Satan. “What is it now?” He scoffed. “I’m not in the mood for your wrath.”

“I can’t believe you.” He shook his head. “You realise you’re having a baby with her right?”

“I am following Diavolo’s orders - I made a pledge to him.” Lucifer raised his voice.

“So?” Satan remarked. “What’s more important to you, a pledge or her? I can’t believe you’ve just deserted MC like this- how do you reckon she feels right now?!”

“It’s not that simple.” Lucifer shook his head, pushing past the fourth eldest, trying to ignore his interrogation.

Satan stayed in his place as he wondered what Lucifer meant. ‘Why is it not simple?’

Lucifer leant against the fireplace in his study, glaring at the flames as he took a swig from his bottle of whisky. His face twitched as the memory of Diavolo taking MC away to his palace repeated over and over in his mind, tormenting him. His breaths were heavy as his mind grew clouded.

He was so busy contemplating the current events that he didn’t hear the knock at his door. Stepping into the room, Satan examined Lucifer’s slumped body. His eyes fell on the bottle of whiskey he held tightly in his fingers. Furrowing his eyebrows, he stepped toward his brother, surprised to see him in such a distraught state.

“You look as though you need to talk to somebody.” Satan pointed out in a serious tone.

“My problems are nothing you should concern yourself with - if you’ve come to interrogate me again don’t even bother.” Lucifer spoke back stubbornly, balancing his bottle above the fireplace as he turned around to face his brother, “You’d never understand.” He spat.

“No, perhaps not.” Satan remained calm, “But I can still listen.”

Lucifer tried to shoot his brother a glare but the alcohol that filled his veins clouded his thoughts. “Shut the door.” He muttered, reluctantly giving in.

Satan followed his order. Lucifer fell back into one of the armchairs as he rested his forehead in his hands. The fourth eldest brother copied his actions, sitting opposite him. Breaking the silence, Satan spoke.

“It’s MC, isn’t it?” He questioned, “I think there’s more to the story that you’re not telling us.”

“I’m still trying to figure out the story myself.” Lucifer grunted as he ran a hand through his hair.

“What is there to figure out?” Satan asked in disbelief.

“Do you even need to ask? She’s pregnant, Satan. Her and I slept together and now she’s having my baby!” He raised his voice as his chest began to heave.

“And the problem is you don’t love her?”

“Of course I love her!” Lucifer cried frustrated.

“Then what is there to figure out?” Satan pressed, unable to meet Lucifer in the middle.

“She’s pregnant with my baby.” He repeated, “I would have thought out of all the demons in the world, you’d be the only one I wouldn’t have to explain myself to.”

Satan’s face fell as he realised why Lucifer was stressed. “This is a completely different circumstance.” He assured.

“Still a circumstance nonetheless.” Lucifer sighed. “I’m not cut out to be a Father - you’re proof of that. We’ve had the most dysfunctional relationship a Father and son can have and you know the family I was born into.” He compared.

“And so you’re hiding?” Satan asked, disappointed in Lucifer.

“I’m merely self loathing in the privacy of my own study.” He muttered stubbornly.

“For a demon who’s usually so attentive, I’m disheartened that you’re actually wasting time sulking about this.” Satan spoke in a very serious voice as he crossed his legs. “I only came into this world as a product of your own anger.” He spoke, beginning to raise his voice, “Your baby that she’s carrying - as much as it disgusts me to say - was made as a product of your love for each other.”

Lucifer glanced up as Satan’s words filled his mind.

“Our relationship may be irreparable and beaten but you shouldn’t let that ruin what you could have with her. Don’t make the same mistake you made with me.” He ordered, “Dont even compare the two.”

“For once Satan I think we may come to an agreement.” Lucifer spoke quietly, “It’d appear I’d let our relationship cloud my judgement.”

“Like I said, the two are incomparable. Yes, MC getting pregnant was an accident but it wasn’t a mistake...remember that.”

Lucifer met Satan’s eyes. Guilt filled his body as he stared at his supposed son, regretting the way their relationship turned. Though it couldn’t be salvaged, Satan was right: he shouldn’t now allow his and MC’s baby’s life to be corrupted all because Lucifer ran.

“Even if I wanted to, I can’t speak to her tonight - she’s with Diavolo now.” Lucifer sighed.

“And why exactly is that?” Satan asked confused - he hadn’t quite understood the reasoning behind Diavolo effectively fostering MC into his palace.

“He wants to protect her - this baby is the ‘gateway to uniting the realms’” Lucifer answered.

“Protect her?” Satan questioned, “What gave him the impression she wouldn’t be safe here?”

“That’s the thing - I don’t know.”

“I reckon he can see you cowering the same way I’ve seen you tonight.” Satan spoke truthfully.

“Excuse me?” Lucifer asked offended.

Sensing the tender moment evaporating from the room, Satan stood up, making his way to the door. “Don’t let yourself down, Lucifer.” He warned before leaving.

With anger blooming throughout his body, the eldest brother let out a huff as he forced himself off the armchair, unconsciously unleashing his demon form.

“Let myself down?!” He seethed, “Nobody understands.”

He breathed heavily as he regrettably began to wonder if Satan was right. Is that why Diavolo was so disappointed with him? Did he see Lucifer as incapable of taking care of MC?

“So MC, do you like your room?” Diavolo asked as he leant against her door frame.

“You really didn’t have to give me the biggest one, My Lord.” She chuckled, feeling happy that he was within her company.

“Nonsense.” He waved his hand as he entered the room, “Besides, you’re opposite my chamber being here.”

As he gazed at her, he could see the conflict in her eyes. Letting out a sigh, he tried to soothe her, “I’m sorry if you’re not happy here. I understand these past few days have probably been difficult for you.” He spoke softly as he stood in front of her, towering over her smaller frame. One of his large hands moved a piece of hair out of her face, tucking it behind her ear. “I’m going to do whatever I can to ensure you feel at home.”

“Thank you, My Lord.” She nodded.

He chuckled at her. “Please, call me Diavolo.” She was a little surprised at the lack of formality. “Is there anything else I can get you?”

“Not that I can think of.” She whispered, gawping up at him.

“Okay.” He smiled, turning to leave the room.

As he left MC to her own devices, Diavolo entered his own chamber with Barbatos following close behind.

“See to her if she needs anything in the night, won’t you?” Diavolo asked his servant as he made his way further into the room.

“Absolutely, My Lord.” Barbatos nodded, “May I enquire whether MC’s presence in the palace is because you’re operating the first phase?” He asked.

“No.” Diavolo breathed, running his tongue over his lip, “Lucifer beat me to it.”

He turned around to face Barbatos who had a shocked expression, “Worry not though, Lucifer may have thrown a spanner into the works but she’s under my wing now. I’ll see it that she’s taken care of.”

“I have no doubts, My Lord.”

Okay so firstly sorry for the essay!😬

How are we feeling about MC now living with Diavolo?

Once again I’d like to give credit and appreciation to @petitefeu for this amazing fic she’s thought of!! I’m so happy to be writing it😺

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me lucifer #obey me imagines #obey me one shot #obey me diavolo #obey me imagine #obey me drabble #obey me fic

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smutty-ki113r · 3 years

Note

YES... it’s true i do simp for him...;////; i know you’re all for ben...BUT...can you blame me? tall demon, big tits, and could crush me with one hand...? sign me up... 😏

nothing i want more than to sit in the lap of a big scary demon and watch him play with my hands lovingly... just something about the “cold to everyone but you” type that hits different 🤍 (also all for being completely dominated by him but yk yk...)

AHH AND YESYES I SAW ABOUT THAT!! and tbh i 100% understand that feeling... i’ve grown so sick of methods i usually just end up trying to shift by listening to subliminals alone... lol... sometimes i’ll try to use the intent method since it seems to be so low effort though.. I JUST GET SO ANTSY LIKE I WANNA BE THERE RN!! and then end up daydreaming of being with them instead of trying to use a method... (´ｰ｀) usually around the full moons i start getting closer though so i’m hoping next full moon.......

ALSO 100% UNDERSTAND THE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS PART MENTIONED for like the longest time while trying to shift i’d get those random voices chiming in going “this isn’t going to work, why are you even trying so hard?” AND UUU IT WAS REALLY DISHEARTENING ;__;

i’ve ended up trying to shift when i’m too tired to think... that way it’s harder negative thoughts like that to pass and it works pretty well for me

☆〜（ゝ。∂）

THE BOTH OF US WILL DEFINITELY GET THERE!! we’re already super close so just a few more steps... 🤍 AND THATS SO SWEET i’m glad you shared that because i’ve had similar problems where i believe i have enough power to change outcomes set with intention so your words bring peace to me as well red 🤍

- 🧸

Im sorry I didn’t respond to this until today b, I just wanted to give u a proper long response.

You had me a big tits… dilf tits…

AND YES OML the cold to everyone but you is *chefs kiss*

I’ve been so exhausted recently I barely have time to try to shift, but I am always seeing signs that let me know it’ll be ok and eventually I will do it. I have sort of come to terms that one day it WILL happen, regardless of if I have lost confidence or whatever because I deserve to be happy and the universe will eventually pay me back for what i have gone through. At least this is what I like to believe, and I have full confidence in it.

I do tend to daydream a lot too, and tell myself that I’m satisfied with that but I know it’s not gonna be the same. I hear faint knocks sometimes so I know those are gentle reminders that that universe is there and it is present in my mind. I go through periods of like trying to shift every day for a month or two and then stopping completely for a month, I get this month cause im so tired from writing kinktober that my brain turns to mush. I have GOT to listen to subliminales more, cause I dont enough. I do meditate, not as often as I did but still.

If I’ve learned anything, its that each attempt you think is “failed” is actually not, this is a process and we grow and evolve to be able to do these things. Not only that, but every day we shift to the universe where we are one day closer to shifting. And that everything we do, every workout, every bite of food, every laugh, every breath brings us just a bit closer, because we deserve it. And it will happen eventually.

#🚹#🔮

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saturnwritings · 4 years

Text

freeze your brain

—after a disheartening start to the evening leads you to hide under a table at a party, a chance encounter with kenma leads you to have one of the best nights of your life. | based on a pov by a cosplayer on tiktok (@/sea.kaninchen)

pairing(s): kenma x reader, past/brief daishou x reader

word count: 3993

warnings: cheating, hints to sexual themes (only briefly)

a/n: i think i should mention that I DONT HATE DAISHOU!!! i think hes a complex and interesting character and ppl shit on him a lot but i did need a villain for this so im sorry for being basic he doesnt deserve this 😪also i was honestly really excited to do this?? like tiktok cosplayers’ povs are not bad i love cosplayers its just straight tiktok’s povs im sorry 😔

9:32pm.

You let out a sigh as you glance at your phone for what seemed like the thousandth time that night, the numbers moving slow, in almost a mocking way. The blinding, multi-colored lights dancing around the room kind of made your eyes spin, and the air around you made you wonder if it was possible to describe air as ‘sticky’ and what… questionable ways it could get to that state. There were bodies moving all around the room, most likely all around the house, doing a multitude of things: dancing, talking, loitering.

You had been coerced by your friends, as well as your boyfriend, Daishou, to come to this party, with promises of letting loose and free food. As reluctant as you were, your boyfriend had assured you that he would personally make sure you had a good time; said boyfriend was nowhere to be seen.

As you leaned against the wall, you raised your phone screen to your face as you mindlessly scrolled through various social media feeds and such, trying to pass the time. Ultimately, there’s only so much you can do constantly refreshing pages. On top of that, it might have just been your imagination but people seemed to stop and sneak looks at you, probably wondering why you were staying by yourself in a corner for so long.

Putting your phone away, you decided to approach some of Daishou’s friends - after all, the least he could do was to hang out with you at the party he kind of forced you to go to. Taking a quick look around the room, your eyes landed on a group of boys hanging out on the couches, you recognized them as your boyfriend’s friends. You greeted them as best as you could over the loud music, almost pounding your eardrums.

“I was just wondering, have you seen Daishou anywhere?” As soon as you mentioned his name, that atmosphere within the group grew tense. They all seemed to avoid eye-contact and some even started fidgeting. Suddenly, one of the boys spoke up.

“I- uhm, I think I saw him go upstairs?” He was met with pointed looks from the rest. Confused, you thanked them nonetheless and located the stairs.

Maneuvering your way through the many bodies on the stairs, you start searching through the many rooms of the house as you think to yourself: Who’s house is this? Why are there so many rooms? You must’ve looked through the first 4 rooms of the hallway (bathroom, storage closet, bedroom, bedroom) before reaching another door.

When you opened the door, thankful it wasn’t locked, you immediately saw two figures in a bed in the middle of the room. Upon closer inspection, you saw that they were very much not having a nap together but instead moving in tandem. You were about to exit before they could see you when one of the figures, a girl, locked eyes with you. She immediately fumbled and pushed the other figure, a boy, off of her and drew the sheets to cover herself. Feeling awkward and frozen in place, you started to spew out apologies.

“Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry, I, uhm,” you hands out in a defensive motion “I didn’t mean to walk in! I was just…” You trailed off when the boy turned around and you got a good look of his face. It was then when you had realized it was your boyfriend in a bed with his ex-girlfriend, Mika.

“Suguru…” Your face morphed into a disheartened expression, “You’re…” you couldn’t finish your sentence though, your eyes frantically shifting between Daishou and Mika, who you had just realized the identity of, in confusion as you opened your mouth to say something, but the words lay stuck in your throat. Fat tears welled up in your eyes, eventually falling down your cheeks, but you had yet to move.

“y/n! It’s not what you think!” Your boyfriend started as he moved off of the bed and towards you, fumbling for an explanation, but his lack of clothes told you everything. No matter what excuse he came up with, the intentions were clear.

You choked up and you pushed him away. “Save it! We’re through!” Your voice wavered as you turned and ran out the door, covering your mouth with your hands in an attempt to stifle your crying. Unfortunately, you moved to hide in the bathroom to gather your thoughts, gripping the door handle and pushing when you realized it was locked.

You looked around for something, you weren’t really quite sure what, but you knew you needed to be away from your boyfriend (ex-boyfriend, you reminded yourself) no matter what. In the heat of the moment, you stumbled your way downstairs and into the dining room. It was completely empty, which came as a surprise, but you realized it was probably because the living room was big enough for everyone to do what they wanted and the food was spread out in the kitchen and living room.

You managed to take a second to catch a break. You were about to take your phone out to call an Uber when you heard Daishou calling your name. In a moment of panic, your eyes landed on the dining table in the middle of the room. Swiftly, and with less gravitas than you’d like to admit, you crawled under the table, thanking the lords above that it was covered in a table cloth that reached the floor. An interesting style choice? Sure, but you were thankful nonetheless.

Holding your breath, you heard your name being called before you heard footsteps leave the room. So there you were, crying under a table at a party. You could still hear the loud techno and pop music from the other room, albeit muffled, and let it drown out your sorrows.

You thought of calling an Uber now, but you figured it would be smart to take the time to let your thoughts regroup so you at least stopped crying hysterically.

***

“Please, Kenma?!” Kuroo pouted as he clasped his hands together, “C’mon, it’s not gonna be that bad, it’ll be really fun!” Kenma sighed. He looked down at his paused game of MonHun and took note of the time.

3:51pm.

It was nearing 4pm and Kenma still had yet to clear this level. “I already told you, I don’t wanna go,” Kenma started, “I don’t like parties.” That had Kuroo bouncing and flailing around.

“But Terushima always throws the best parties, they’re fun for everyone!” Kenma grunted in response, he had started playing his game again, Kuroo narrowed his eyes and pouted even harder. “Pleeease?! Everyone’s gonna be there, it’s gonna be great! But it won’t be fun without you,” Kuroo pleaded. Kenma scoffed at that, he considered agreeing just so shut Kuroo up, but he wanted to know what he was getting into first.

“Who’s gonna be there?” Kenma asked, not looking up from his PSP.

“Everyone!” Kenma thought it was almost comical how Kuroo immediately perked up. Kenma shot him an incredulous look. “Uhm, okay, so I know Bo’s gonna be there, which means Akaashi’s gonna be there… You can hang out with him!” Kenma hummed, only partially listening, “No, you’re right, you’re right! What was I thinking? Obviously Akaashi’s gonna hang out with Bokuto, which means I’m gonna have to third wheel!” He tuned Kuroo out as he went on.

Just as Kenma had lost another round, Kuroo seemed to have finished his rant about being a third-wheel and the dynamics between Bokuto and Akaashi.

“Um, well, I mean pretty much all of the Volleyball teams are gonna be there, Terushima really wants this to be epic! Uhm, other than that… Oh! Isn’t there that girl? I forgot her name but she’s dating… Daishou…” Kuroo shudders, Kenma hummed in response. “She’s in your class isn’t she? What’s her name, you can hang out with her!”

“y/n.” Kenma offered, still not looking up from his game.

“Yeah, that’s it! Ugh, she’s kinda strange… like, Daishou? Really? Last time I saw him, he was wearing that ugly sweater…” Kenma tuned him out once again.

While Kenma continued his game, he subconsciously pondered on your relationship. You guys had never really been close, save for the occasional group and partner projects you guys did together, as was expected, you were in the same class after all. If Kenma was being honest, the only time he paid you any mind was when Kuroo brought up how Daishou was most definitely blackmailing you into dating him or something or the sort.

Fed up with Kuroo’s whining, Kenma spoke up after another round lost. “Kuro, I’ll go to the party,” Kuroo’s eyes widened as he gasped, sporting a surprised smile, Kenma continued, “But if I get bored or stressed, I’m leaving.”

Kuroo nodded.

***

Needless to say, Kenma wasn’t having a good time. While he did enjoy seeing his friend, Hinata, again, the loud and, quite frankly, annoying music was starting to hurt his ears and the food provided was decent at best, meaning fast food pizza and about a million different bags of chips.

“Kenma! C’mon, get over here! We’re playing beer pong, I need a partner!” Kenma sighed as he heard Kuroo call out to him. From where he was leaning against a wall, he could see Kuroo, Bokuto and Miya Atsumu setting up red solo cups on a table.

This had been happening all night, Kenma minding his own business, occasionally engaging in conversation with Hinata or Akaashi if they crossed paths, with Kuroo swooping in to try to get him to play some sort of party game with him. The first was Just Dance, which Kenma avoided by saying he was hungry, next came truth or dare, Kenma used the bathroom excuse on that one, and so on and so forth. The cycle continued, Kuroo hunting down Kenma and Kenma finding any way he could escape.

That led Kenma to this moment: leaning against a wall in the kitchen playing on his PSP, with Kuroo struggling to maneuver around everyone to get to him. Kenma checks the digital clock on his PSP.

9:46pm.

That seemed like a good time to leave, Kenma thought. As he was pocketing his PSP to get ready to make a dash for it, Kenma panicked for a moment, realizing that to get to the front door, he would have to pass by Kuroo and the beer pong table. Contemplating for a moment, he concluded that he would much rather wait it out and leave a bit later than have to explain why he was leaving.

When Kenma came to his senses, he realized Kuroo was even closer to him than he thought. Scanning for options, he ran the only direction he could, through the arch connecting the kitchen with the dining room.

In a moment of desperation, he ducked under the table cloth.

***

You checked yourself again in your phone camera. Thankfully, you had calmed down and stopped crying hysterically, and were only left with the occasional sniffle. Unfortunately, the redness was still very much present, as were the tears when you thought too hard about Daishou. Despite all the nasty things other people, especially in your school, would say about him, he was a kind person, passionate about many things and was very caring towards you: always cheering you up and lending an ear when you needed to vent.

I guess he just… really liked Mika, then, huh, you thought to yourself as you hugged your knees close to your chest.

Deep in your thoughts, you hadn’t noticed the frantic footsteps making their way towards you. You only realized something was off when the table cloth rustled and was lifted open, only for someone to slip in and under the table with you.

The boy seemed to be catching his breath when you made a startled noise of surprise. Hearing it, the boy snapped his head up to meet your stare. You were both just staring at each other with wide eyes, after a moment you both started fumbling out uhms and i’s, glancing around to avoid eye contact.

After accidentally looking up at each other at the same time, you realized who the boy was.

“Wait… Kenma?” He blinked.

“y/n?” He responded with a tilt of his head, “Uhm, I’m sorry, I was just… trying to get away from someone…” You shifted in your spot, casting your eyes away in embarrassment hoping he wouldn’t see your red face and stray tears. “What about you?”

“Hm?” Your eyes widened in confusion.

“Why are you, uh,” he paused awkwardly and gestured around vaguely, “What’re you doing under a table?” You didn’t really know how to respond to that.

“Uhm… well,” you felt tears welling up in your eyes again, “I-” a sob wracked through your body. Completely overwhelmed with emotions, you burst into tears. Kenma’s eyes shifted frantically before he regained his composure, he had never really been good and expressing emotions or helping others with theirs.

Kenma thought to himself: What would Kuro do in this situation? Sure, Kenma had gotten upset lots of times, and Kuroo always knew how to help. He realized that one thing that Kuroo did was ask him if he wanted to talk about what was going on - of course, Kenma never did, but for some strange, unknown reason, it made him feel just the tiniest bit better. In the back of his mind, Kenma thought that it made him feel better because it told him there was someone who cared about him.

“Do you, uh, wanna talk about it? Maybe?” He winced at his awkward delivery, his hands fidgeting.

“Is that,” you sniffled, “is that okay?” Kenma tried his best to give a reassuring smile, he was sure it came off as strained.

“Yeah, sure.”

You told Kenma about your relationship with Daishou; how it started, all the ups and downs, and finally how it ended. How you kept having chance encounters: at school when you were out shopping and even late one night at a public library - that was the night he asked you out for the first time, and you couldn’t have been more smitten.

During your relationship, he was so kind and considerate to you, and he never failed to make you laugh. You told Kenma how he even said that despite going to different schools, there was no one else he'd rather be that: that apparently didn’t stop him from hooking up with another girl.

After you went silent, Kenma found that you were finished. Despite only thinking of you as ‘that other girl in his class that was dating a volleyball player Kuroo hated’ until recently, seeing you cry and pour your heart out gave him a strange, internal attachment to you.

“Do you wanna get out of here?” Kenma asked suddenly, turning to you and planting a hand on the floor, learning towards you ever so slightly. You blinked.

“What?” Surprised by his own outburst, Kenma decided to roll with it.

“There’s an arcade a few blocks down… sometimes when I get upset, I go there and it always cheers me up?” To be perfectly honest, Kenma wasn’t really expecting you to say yes. He expected you to brush him off, say you were feeling better and ready to go home.

Kenma himself didn’t know why he asked, he usually didn’t really like spended excess time with people he didn’t know that well, but subconsciously, there was a part of him that wanted to help.

“Oh, uhm, yeah! Sure, why not?” You metally cursed yourself for your stuttering, it was bad enough you were info-dumping and completely oversharing, you didn’t want Kenma to think you were that weak. You sniffled again, realization dawning on you.

“We gotta find a way out of here first, thought.” You said. Kenma cringed.

***

Long story short, you and Kenma managed to escape the table without anyone seeing you. You were extremely thankful, as it would have been very awkward if someone saw the two of you crawling out from under a table.

Getting outside was another thing, thought. Kuroo and the beer pong table were still very much blocking the way out, and there was always the risk of bumping into Daishou again. After a bit of asking around, you found out that there was a backdoor in the kitchen, so you and Kenma were able to make your escape.

Now you were playing away to your hearts’ content to some random racing game at an arcade. You both were playing side-by-side, versing each other. To no one’s surprise, Kenma was beating you. Deep down, though, Kenma was a little impressed you were able to keep up with him so well, being a religious player of Mario Kart himself and all.

You both fleeted from game to game, playing almost every game available from shooting games to claw machines to even a Space Invaders-esque game. You had managed to earn a good amount of tickets, all thanks to Kenma’s membership card and the loose tokens he found in his wallet.

Eventually, you had played until the arcade was empty and one of the employees came up to you to tell you they were closed. They did mention that you could still buy some prizes if you wanted to, to which Kenma turned to you.

“Do you want to?”

Over the time you had spent playing games together, you had gotten to know Kenma better than just ‘the quiet boy in your class’ in between passing conversations and empty, teasing threats, some of your favorites had been: I will steal your kneecaps and If you play with that character you don’t deserve rights.

“Yeah, sure!” You replied, a genuine smile crossed your face.

In the end, you had gotten a keychain with a mini funko character on it and Kenma settled on a cute sticker that, with much encouragement from you, he stuck on the case of his PSP.

After exiting the arcade, Kenma took a moment to glance over at you. The empty street illuminated by semi-faulty lampposts, and he found it showed your face more clearly than all the neon lights of the arcade. Your tears dried up, although there were still hints of red in splotches on your face.

As he watched you talk excitedly about your new keychain, he couldn’t help but feel a strange way, an unfamiliar feeling he had never felt before. It was warm in a way, something akin to stepping home for the first time after being away for so long. It was weird, in all the years he had known you, or been partnered up with you for whatever, he had never thought of you as anything other than a random classmate. However, after everything you had both gone through together that night, something new was forming.

Little did Kenma know, you were thinking the same. You noticed the little things about him; you thought back to how his nose would scrunch when he would mess up in a game or you would surpass him in something, or how his eyes lit up and almost sparkled ever so slightly when he was picking out stickers. Now that you were outside, you could see how his dyed hair swayed gently in the crisp November wind, or how his eyes would somewhat crinkle as he laughed when you made a joke.

After a few moments of silence, you spoke up.

“Hey, so, I didn’t really get to eat at the party… Do you maybe wanna get something to eat nearby?” You asked, turning your head to Kenma. Realizing how that sounded like you were asking him on a date, you quickly stuttered out “Of course, you don’t have to! We can just get a small snack or, or maybe we don’t have to get anything!” You laughed awkwardly as Kenma showed no obvious emotions, however his eyes were slightly widened and his cheeks growing more red, but you chalked that up to the colder weather and surprise.

Kenma suddenly remembered how he didn’t get a chance to eat as well, but in all the games you guys were playing, he didn’t get a chance to feel hungry. Realizing he had not responded, he quickly thought of a place to get food, his mind immediately wandering to 7/11.

“Oh yeah, sure. There’s a 7/11 down the street, if you want?” He said, and you were off.

***

Sitting in the 7/11 with Kenma under the fluorescent lights was oddly comforting. You were happily eating your warm soba noodles (topped with tempura) as Kenma ate his apple pastry (having already eaten half of an egg salad sandwich and wrapping the rest for later) as you engaged in mindless conversation, Kenma periodically pulling out his PSP to either play or check on things.

During some random conversation about a new game Kenma was playing, you noticed him occasionally glancing behind you. Eventually, you looked behind you to see what looked like a newly installed slushie machine, touchscreen and all. Realizing Kenma wouldn’t speak up about it, you decided to take charge.

“Do you wanna get slushies?” You said with a grin. Kenma looked surprised for a second before lightly laughing.

“Sure.”

Over the machine, you tapped the screen to get a strawberry lemonade slushie, while Kenma opted for cherry one.

Slushies didn’t exactly pair well with warm soba, but tonight was apparently a night full of surprise, what with finding out about your boyfriend (ex, you reminded yourself), not to mention these spontaneous adventures with a random boy who was, you thought, not so random anymore.

“Wanna have a competition?” Kenma’s voice interrupted your train of thought, “Let’s see who can drink theirs the fastest.” You grinned.

“You’re on!”

After Kenma counted down, you both tried to down your slushie. Halfway through, though, you had to stop.

“Ah! Brainfreeze!” You exclaimed, clutching your head with one hand. Kenma also stopped drinking and laughed, “My head feels so numb, argh!” You hummed. “At least now I won’t think of Daishou anymore… My brain feels like it’s pounding like, like it’s having a rave or something!” It was getting late, meaning you were dangerously close to your stage of drowsiness that caused you to infodump like crazy. Kenma’s smile dropped every so slightly.

“Hey, uhm,” he looked as though he was looking for the right words to say, “I’m really sorry about what happened, uh,” he scratched the back of his head nervously, “Sorry, I’m not great at… feelings… but, if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here.”

You blinked for a second before smiling.

“Thanks, Kenma.”

As you were finishing up the rest of your slushie, you turned to Kenma.

“Hey, uhm, I know this is pretty random but do you want to be my partner for the project we’re doing in science?” Kenma looked up from his PSP and stared at you, as if trying to remember what you were talking about, “The one about incomplete dominance and sex-linked traits? The teacher said you had to find a partner of the opposite gender so you could create a ‘hypothetical baby’, which, honestly, I find kinda dumb… Like, if the baby’s just hypothetical, then you could partner up with anyone, right? It’s not just me that feels that way?”

Kenma remembered what project you were talking about, but he really enjoyed when you would continue on these rants. Being one to not talk that much, he liked how you were able to fill in the silence, although the times when you would be eating and he would be playing in silence were not as awkward as he thought, they weren’t awkward at all.

“So… Do you want to pair up?” Kenma flushed, realizing he was mindlessly listening to you talk.

“Oh, uhm, yeah, sure.” You beamed.

bonus: you did your project on incomplete dominance and sex-linked traits and learned about the wonders of co-dominance in blood types. also kuroo was very worried about kenma leaving and thought he got kidnapped by a van that said ‘free games’ but it was all cool when he learnt kenma left with a girl ;)

#fics #written in June 2020 #woah this took me a while #like since may o_o my bad #haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagines #kenma x reader #kozume kenma #kenma scenario #fanfiction #fanfic #anime fanfiction #anime imagines #im very proud of this wow ;-;#my baby ;-;#at this point i only write kenma x reader im so sorry #i have plans for other characters i swear!!!

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callousdegenerate · 3 years

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critical comments hurt but they dont usually go without point. I've gotten a good few of them lately, and I want to sort of address things about the story I'm a little disheartened with (no hard feelings to critics whatsoever! its just me going on a little self-analytic expedition in response to more frequent criticisms)

I know I said I'd keep my self-criticisms explicitly for the end of the story, but I feel like giving this a go. (Besides, this is not the whole of what I'll say when the story does end. Just a part of it.)

I do think people forget just how directionlessly this story started and how that really contributed to things down the line. I figured this would go down after maybe 20-30 chapters but kept on trucking anyway. I didnt know what I was going to do with it then. I guess it'd have helped if I knew way beforehand what I wanted rather than playing it by ear, but maybe that's not an excuse when a lot of people know how to improvise effectively. I never figured that out.

The result of this being so badly improvised (even with me planning ideas/chapters in advance to some degree) is that it does feel very jumbled and slow, and narratively unsound. I get that.

It's been a while since I've written, and it's been even longer since I wrote anything that wasn't a short story. I feel like I'm messing this up really bad because of how easy it is to predict the story beats, but I am trying. I knew from the get-go that this was going to be an imperfect beast, and I knew that I needed to focus on writing this for myself. This project has been a rather interesting exercise for me and even though I'm trying to find ways to wrap the main story of a somewhat unlikable protagonist up, I know many readers are tired of the formulaic aspects of it. Even I catch myself going "you've said this before" yet I struggle to stop myself from cutting it out. I'm not sure why, but maybe I'm out of practice. I never used to be this wordy. I was once seen as a very effective writer, but I haven't been able to replicate past successes here, and nobody would ever get that impression based on this story.

I feel bad that I have to be more lore-descriptive in parts of TF beyond the main story because of how much surrounds this place and how limited our knowing of it is through Ten, but I made my decision and I will deal with it. I feel as if the shift in POV and focus will make these a little better, and potentially far more liked than the main work itself. I can't predict that now, but it's something I feel will happen.

I think another crux to how this has been written is that I wanted chapters to be longer. After some of the first major long chapters, I kept wanting to write more and more. When big things started happening, it was exciting! But then (likely after Jay) things started to lose focus to some degree, and I do feel terribly guilty about it because I still wanted to keep writing smut while incorporating sprinkles of plot. It's hard to balance the visit-rest / POV rules I set for myself and still produce an effective and concise story. People aren't even really reading the smut anymore because the story slowly stopped being focused on just that and drew reader interest to the plot itself, so when the plot doesn't go very quickly, it is disappointing. I understand that. I think what this story wanted to be is very hard to place because it changed from chapter 1 to chapter 60 to chapter 70 and so on.

Even when I try to limit my chapters to 20 pages now, because of the notes in each chapter I want to hit, it ends up almost twice that, depending. I also forget very minor details sometimes even with all the notes I've made for myself, so I may forget entirely that I've said something already in a different way. I also struggle finding a cohesive way to connect chapter plot points. Maybe I don't need to write every transition between rooms, every instance of thought, every comment or idea, but I can't help but do so because I feel weird being too concise now. I think that's something I still need to work on. I feel bad going from a 40 page chapter to a 15 page one, so I try not to write that little anymore, and so it ends up feeling cyclic. I may try to fix that, but I don't know how right now.

In the end, I'm certain this story will continue to feel repetitive until it ends, even when bigger plotty things I plan to happen do happen. I do apologize for that. It's something I'll have to try alleviating in future works. I think the limiting perspective of Ten is one part of the problem, but I don't want to believe against the effectiveness of 2nd person POV that many writers argue against. I just can't be the writer who makes it work, but I'm glad to have given it a shot. It's important to try new things to expand your horizons as a writer!

I am disheartened with criticism, but not completely put off from my writing (you can't get better by quitting, but taking a step back and a deep breath in is okay). I know I need to take a step back myself, and be more self-critical, but often I just struggle to be an effective writer. This is why I don't take ill with people who choose to break from the story because they can't stand how it's going and how repetitive it is. I know well some of its issues even though I struggle to avoid them. I will miss those ex-readers, but I am glad for those who genuinely see something in my writing enough to stick with my story this long (from what I'm gathering, people think my writing is good, but my narrative structure is bad, which is fair).

Again, there are things that will happen in time. At this point it's likely it will exceed the 100 chapter count, but I will try to avoid going over too much. The chapters I have planned will still have visit-rest formats, but some things will happen soon, if that's anyone's concern. I do apologize if I bore anyone with my structure! I hope this clears up my thoughts on all that.

#CD Screams A Lot #CD Facility Story #im not mad at all i just want to look into this kind of criticism and give my piece./#i know explanations are not excuses I just want to be more clear about how things have been and what I notice./#I dont think i'm being hard on myself so please don't defend me too much if you feel bad about me posting this lol #its just the nature of writing tbh. criticism is part of it and self-criticism is equally important./

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