#i ended up skipping an entire of classes because my mind simply wouldn’t focus in smth that wasnt that thing

[sasukeless]

the complete damage fandoms have done to the word hyperfixation

[kaylans-imagines]

0. i hate her

pairing: peter b. parker x fem! reader

synopsis: in which y/n hates everything about peter parker, especially the way she can’t really hate him

↳ loosely based on the movie with the same title

warnings: cursing, fluff, a generous amount of angst, peter's an asshole, y/n's an asshole, familial death, incarceration. i don't know if there's more.

chapter warnings: cursing, starts off slow, flash.

series masterlist

*gif credits to the rightful owner*

The brisk air of the changing seasons accompanied Peter as he made his way to the school entrance from the train stop. His headphones sat snuggly inside his ears, playing a song that made the usually lonely journey to school less so. Ned didn’t take the same route as he did, so he had no one to talk to or make the trek to school less boring. He didn’t mind it; it gave him time to think and even finish school work. Still, sometimes he wanted someone by his side so he could discuss whatever was on his mind that day or ask questions whenever an assignment didn’t make sense.

The long ride to the school did give him time to people watch. There were times when he would deduce who could be a possible threat. Other times, he would simply look at people and try to figure out their stories without actually talking to them. The old lady who brought her cat onto the subway had severe separation anxiety caused by her estranged son. The man with exhausted eyes who looked like he was on the brink of passing out on his seat had a newborn daughter at home. And Peter was just trying to get to school, along with the other teenager on the subway. He didn’t talk to him, they were on entirely different wavelengths, but there was an understanding between the two of them. Whenever they saw each other, they would nod their heads in greeting. They would always sit one seat away from one another, and if the other was running late, they would wait.

He made his way up the stairs and towards the school, turning up the volume as a way to tune out the sounds of high school that he hated. The cheery rhymes that left the sounds of the cheerleaders to the arguing of students over who was right; he hated them before the bite, and he especially despised them now that he had hypersensitive hearing. Sighing in annoyance, he looked both ways before crossing the street only to rush forward as a car came barreling down the road.

“I swear to god, Y/N!” he heard her sister, Juliette, shriek, “we almost killed him!”

“But we didn’t. If you’re going to complain about my driving, then you can take the bus, Jules,”

“You almost killed someone!” Peter heard her exclaim. He could feel the way Y/N rolled her eyes.

“It’s only Peter,” she stated, making eye contact with him through the rearview as she let students pass, “who cares if he gets slightly scuffled?”

“You have literal issues,” Julie gasped. The car sped down the road, leaving Peter alone with a slightly elevated heart rate and irritation laced in his bones. It was the first day of school, and he nearly got run over. And by his ex-best friend turned enemy at that. He couldn’t wait to complain to Ned.

Their dynamic had changed, and Peter blamed her. They became friends because of Y/N’s grandmother and May in kindergarten. They were two birds of a feather until halfway towards seventh grade when Y/N became snippy and ruined what Peter thought was their perfect friendship. They drifted apart, and he blamed her for it breaking apart. He watched as she became someone he didn’t know anymore and left him behind. He just didn’t think it was fair for her to act self-righteous when she ruined their relationship.

“You okay, Pete?” Ned questioned as he fell into step with Peter, who was fuming with irritation.

“Yeah, just almost got run over by Midtown’s resident ice bitch,” he gritted. Ned nodded in response. He was friends with both Peter and Y/N once upon a time. Still, after everything she had put them through and the abrupt way she ended their friendship, he sided with Peter and subsequently lost a friend. He figured it was for the best. He wasn’t as resentful as Peter was—his friendship with Y/N hadn’t been built in kindergarten—but he still didn’t appreciate her actions.

“Oh,” he nodded in understanding, “are you okay at least?”

“Yeah, but it did sorta ruin my mood,” Peter confessed. He was having a pretty good morning until his reflexes were put to the test. He woke up on the right side of the bed and had time to eat breakfast with May before she went to work. The walk towards the subway station was nice; he said hi to everyone he usually greeted and even got a muffin from the lady with the three-year-old daughter. Then the subway wasn’t as busy as it usually was, so he wasn’t squashed next to the man with the foul body odor and could actually sit down. All of that happiness came crashing down the second he saw her in her car, looking unapologetic for nearly killing him and then dismissing her sister for chastising her.

“Well, get happy, my arachnid friend, because I heard some exciting news,” Ned smiled, poking him on the arm as they walked to their first class.

“What?”

“You’re top of our class, which means you’re a shoo-in for valedictorian,” Ned said excitedly. Peter grinned at that. All of his hard work would finally be noticed and celebrated. He had been working on greeting his class for four years, doing extracurriculars, and taking on extra projects for grade boosts. Sometimes he even stayed after school to help his teachers grade papers or help the librarian sort the books back into their respective spots on the shelves. It would all be worth it in the end after he finally reached the goal he had set for himself his freshman year.

There was a snag in his plans. While he may have been top of his class, that didn’t mean that he couldn’t be pushed from his place. Y/N Y/L/N was the smartest girl at Midtown. She was everything he wasn’t. She was popular—if the excessive amounts of clubs she was part of were any indication. She was social—everyone talked about the interactions they had with Midtown’s princess. She was everywhere, and nothing Peter was. She was the head of the planning committee, and everyone knew that any school party planned by Y/N Y/L/N never disappointed. Peter couldn’t compete. He found peace in knowing that he was slightly better than her at academics.

The two continued walking in silence, content with the atmosphere they had created after finding out that Peter would finally have something go his way for once. He figured it was the least the universe could do for him. He had lost both parents before he could make memories with them, then he lost his best friend, and then he got bitten by a spider that changed his life; for better or for worse, he didn’t know. Being valedictorian wouldn’t take away the hurt the world inflicted on him, but it would make him feel somewhat better.

With a skip in his step, he walked into class with a grin so large, he didn’t think anything could bring him down. Of course, he thought wrong. His English teacher had to make a day he felt he could turn around into one he wished would end faster.

“It’s about time you all had a project—the topic of discussion, poetry. You will be partnered up and tasked with reading and creating your own poems by the end of the month,” she paused, waiting for her class to stop looking at one another and whispering amongst themselves, “I’ve already chosen your partners, so it would do you all some good to stop getting your hopes up and listen.”

With that, the high schoolers shifted in their seats and gave their attention back to their teacher. She was good at pairing up students who were cordial with one another and worked well together. Friendships usually sparked from her partnering, sometimes even relationships. So Peter, and the rest of the class, weren’t as annoyed as they wanted to be. They knew she wouldn’t let them down. Peter waited eagerly as she listed off students who would be working together. He hoped he got paired up with someone who matched his work ethic or someone he got along with.

“Peter Parker, you will be with Y/N Y/L/N,” and just like that, he hated English class and lost all faith in his teacher. He looked across the room to where the said girl was seated. She was writing in her planner—Peter was sure she was planning Ms. Ingrid’s death—but she looked up when her name was called. She turned her head and met Peter’s eyes, unamused and bored. She shook her head and looked at her planner once again. Peter took that as a sign to do the same and focus on anything other than his rising anger.

Peter watched as everyone moved to meet their partners, many of them happily talking to one another. He was stubborn. He decided that if she wasn’t going to make an effort to push aside whatever hatred she had towards him and talk to him for the sake of their grades, he wasn’t going to. He was going to sit in his seat and read a poem from the packet his teacher had handed out. Just because he had a lousy partner didn’t mean his grade had to suffer. He would complete the project by himself if he had to.

“Mister Parker, last I checked, you were to be working with Miss Y/L/N,” Miss Ingrid quipped as she walked to Peter’s desk with a teasing smile.

“Actually, Miss, I was hoping I could talk to you about that?” He asked. He liked Miss Ingrid. She was understanding and compassionate, and she didn’t talk down to her students as if they were children.

“Something wrong, Peter?” she asked, concerned. Peter felt bad. He knew he was petty, and his favorite teacher didn’t need to be pulled down to his level. But he couldn’t bring himself to work with someone who didn’t want to work with him. That usually meant he was left to do the work by himself and watch the other person still get credit. It infuriated him so much he would rather do the project himself from the start.

“Yeah, um, I can’t work with Y/N,” he muttered, smiling at her with an embarrassed smile. Peter admitted it sounded stupid and childish when said aloud, but he had his reasons.

“And, pray tell, Peter, why not?”

“I just don’t think we would work well together,” he confessed. Seeing the look on her face, Peter was quick to defend himself more, “and I just don’t want to do the work for someone else and have them get credit for doing nothing. So, if it’s alright with you, Miss Ingrid, I would like to work on this on my own.” He was practically begging. Hoping she would agree.

“I’m sorry, Peter, but this is a partner project. To lessen the workload,” she sighed, “besides, I don’t think you have anything to worry about with Y/N; she’s very good at doing her share.” She stood up with those final words and tapped the table before standing up and sending him a smile. He sighed, putting his head down and looking at his desk in annoyance. He looked up when a book landed on his desk. Closing his eyes to keep himself from exploding at whoever shattered his tranquility, he was met with eyes he used to find joy looking into. Now, he never wanted to look into them ever again.

“We’re partners. I don’t like it, you don’t like it, but we have to do it otherwise, our grades will plummet, and you can’t afford that if you want to be valedictorian. So, we’re going to push our difference aside for this one project and do it, so we never have to talk to again,” she said curtly.

That left no room for argument, which caused Peter to nod his head in agreement. She was right; he couldn’t afford to lose the one thing he was looking forward to being. Sighing deeply, he motioned for her to sit down and opened the book she threw on his desk. She took a seat beside him and opened another poetry book, focusing on the words written on the paper and trying to plan their poem out. They had to get a good grade; she didn’t want him to blame her for something else.

Despite his annoyance and hatred towards her, he couldn’t help but glance up from the book he was reading. Of course, he had seen her around, it was hard to ignore one of the most known girls in the school, but he had never taken the time to admire her. His anger and betrayal kept him from doing so. She still had the same gleeful look in her eyes and the confident aura around her. Time had done her well. She had lost her kidlike features, and it was evident that she had matured. He would be a liar if he said she wasn’t pretty, and even that didn’t truly justify it.

When the bell signaled the end of class, Peter quickly grabbed his belongings and left the classroom. He didn’t stop to wait for anyone, much less Y/N. Their only interactions would be in the English room, a controlled space where she couldn’t kill him for so much as breathing in her direction. Walking towards his locker, he heard the noises of people as they navigated the busy halls of the school. Stopping at his locker with a sigh, he leaned his head on the cool metal. The day had been long, and he shrill had six other classes to go to.

A tap on his shoulder made him pick up his head. Y/N stood in front of him, bouncing on her feet as she played with her fingers.

“You left before I could ask when you can meet up. The faster we get this done, the faster we can stop being around one another,” she quipped. “I’m free on Friday after school.”

“I’m not. I have the Stark internship,”

She rolled her eyes at his response, “okay and? We need to get this done so we can go back to never speaking to each other. I’m sure Tony Stark will understand that you need to take one day off to do a school project.”

“Not happening. I don’t know if you know this, but you’re not worth losing the internship over,” he jibed. He missed the look of hurt that flashed on her face. She shook her head and scoffed.

“Well, we need to get this done. Either we work on this stupid project on Friday, or we’re both failing,” she reminded before walking away. Peter groaned and banged his head on the now open door. He ignored the looks he got from his locker neighbors and kept his head buried in the empty space. Friday’s were the days he went into the Avenger’s compound and actively worked in the lab with Tony after he finished his Spider-Man duties; the last thing he wanted to do was infect the compound with her hatred and bad vibes.

He didn’t want to invite her, but he had been working on something with Tony for the past two weeks that he needed to finish. He figured he could get some work done while someone gave her a tour around the facility—probably Steve. He was easy to convince—then he would work on the English project with her and beg father time to go faster. She was right; the quicker they finished their work, the faster he could go back to hating her. With another groan, he picked up his head and closed his locker, rushing after Y/N and grabbing her by the wrist when he caught her before she slipped into her next class.

“Friday. We’ll meet after school in the parking lot and go to the Avenger’s facility. You can drive, right?” she nodded and pulled her hand out of his grip, glaring at him.

“Don’t ever grab me like that again,” she sneered, “but fine, whatever. I have to drop Jules off at home first though, is that gonna be a problem, Peter?” He knew she wasn’t asking him.

“No, whatever,” she nodded curtly and walked in, not sparing him a glance. He shook his head and walked away. Anger seeped into his bones, and annoyance clouded his head. The following weeks were going to be torture. He just knew. There was nothing worse than being forced to work with someone the person despised.

“Hey, Penis Parker!” there are worse things, apparently. He breathed out through his nose and turned around, meeting his eyes. He knew if he ignored Flash, he wouldn’t give up. He was relentless, and his voice sounded like nails on a chalkboard.

“What, Flash?” he ground out. Flash skidded to a stop beside him with a sick smile on his face.

“I heard from a little birdie that you were partnered up with Midtwon’s resident Princess,” he started.

“Yeah, so?” he questioned. He wanted out of the conversation as soon as possible. He didn’t want to talk to his bully about his enemy. That didn’t sound like a fun Tuesday.

“So, you can help me,”

“One, why would I help you with anything?” he questioned, “and two, I’m going to regret asking, but what could I possibly help you with?”

“Because I have something you might like, and you’re going to help me get Jules Y/L/N to go to the Fall Dance with me,” Peter paused in his step and furrowed his eyebrows.

“Okay, so what does that have to do with me being partners with Y/N? Can’t you just ask Jules?”

Flash snorted, “you’re an idiot, Parker. You don’t just ask the Jules Y/L/N out, okay? Everyone knows that Y/N tells her every negative thing about the guys at Midtown to keep her uninterested and that they’re always together.” He stated.

“I’m still not sure where I fall into this or what you could possibly offer me in return,”

“I’m glad you asked,” Peter rolled his eyes but continued listening, “if you can get Y/N to, I don’t know, fall in love with you so she eases off her ‘I hate the men at Midtown’ rhetoric, then I can swoop in and take Jules to the dance without a hitch.”

“And what do I get in return?”

“Two hundred bucks does wonders for the poor, no?” Flash snarked.

“Three hundred, and you’ve got yourself a deal, Eugene,” Peter smirked. Flash blinked in anger but nodded his head anyway, reaching his hand out and shaking it. Flash walked away and left Peter in the empty hallway, rethinking everything he had agreed to. It was cruel and harsh. Sure, Y/N had stopped being his friend and became a bitch towards him, but he would be playing with someone’s feelings. Then again, three hundred dollars could help May with the bills, and it would be retribution for all the shit Y/N had put him through.

He was going to do it, and he wouldn’t allow himself to feel guilty for it. Because it was her, and she deserved to feel some of the pain she had put him through.

next

join peters taglist

masterlist

taglist: @jackiehollanderr @multiholland @hommyy-tommy​ @visualhollands @wicked-starlight-collector @coni-martina @dummiesshort @nearlydanger9 @selenitawars @slytherinbth @misshale21 @y0ungandfuckingdumb @livinglifethroughfanfic @racheldon @popluckbih @ephemeral-limerences @tomshufflepuff @petersasteria @justafangirlduh @jayhlstead @just-a-littlebit-of-everything @savcks @sahi-raa @xeniarocks@hunnybunimdun @lou-la-lou @aussie-holland @parkerpeterparker2004 @adayasgeorgia @organicpurplepants @sadxaries @bagelofthelord @marlenetough @xxxxdelenaxxxx @racheldon @itsallyscorner @quaksonhehe @slutforsr @stillfindingmyway @determined-overthinker @chipot-lol @alwaaaysadream @tomsgf @thesunflowergirl @Heyitsmeyabitch2004 @noonelikesori @ bxby_riah @woopwoopwoop222 @marauders-whore @Sarcasticallywitty15 @cutesparker  @saraintherain @okaybestfriend @lehmehgeh @joyleenl (if your name is crossed out, its bc i couldnt tag you D: lmk if you want to be taken off the general masterlist or have any name changes ;D)

[harryspet]

wrapped in red | p.parker & b.barnes

[Warnings] dark? peter parker x reader, dark bucky barnes x reader, peter is still pretty sweet and bucky is evil, aged up peter, mafia/gang au, gang boss!bucky, waitress!reader, noncon/dubcon sex, light bondage, kidnapping, bucky likes to watch 

A/N: idk its 7 am and I still haven’t slept and now I’m posting this. THIS IS ADULT & TRIGGERING CONTENT READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

In which Peter likes you and Bucky makes you both regret that. 

main masterlist

word count: 2.9k

“Can I get you anything else, sir?” You asked the blue-eyed man sitting at table eighteen. Your coworker had an emergency call so you found yourself tasked with tending to the table of two men. You didn’t recognize the man at first but as your eyes connected with his left arm … your breathing hitched in your throat. You smiled through your worry though, trying not to be too obvious about the fact that you knew exactly who he was. 

Bucky Barnes ran this neighborhood, but since you had never run into him, it was easy to believe he was just a myth. 

“No, doll. Just the check please,” He spoke simply and you might not have been intimidated if you hadn’t noted the many expensive rings on his right hand. The man sitting across from him was younger, his eyes were nervous too as he looked you over. His face was familiar and you thought you might have seen him in one of your classes. 

There were several empty beers on the table as well 

You nodded your head before turning away, “I’ll be right back.”

Peter’s eyes lingered on you as you walked away from the table. For a moment, he forgot that he was supposed to be counting. His pen roamed over the sheet and over all the numbers. 

“See, you’re only making a hundred grand from this guy's shipments. He’s using all your resources to make sure the product is clean but you could easily just do that for yourself. You cut out in the middle man and I think you could triple your profit,” Peter turned the paper so Bucky could look over all the numbers he was running. Peter folded his hands, trying to read the man’s expressions. 

As you returned to the table with the check, Peter was once again caught in the trance you put in. He recognized you from his anatomy class. He arrived at class five minutes early every day just to make sure that he could watch you come in. Part of him was unsure of what you’d think of him now, knowing who he was sitting with. 

Money didn’t grow on trees and Peter was the man of the house. College was expensive and the rent was even more expensive so he had to do what he could to get by. You were working minimum wage at a rundown restaurant, Peter didn’t doubt that you could understand that. Still, what you did was honest work and Peter couldn’t say the same for himself. 

“Thank you, doll,” Bucky thanked you, resting his arms against the table as he smirked up at you, “You doing something tonight? What time do you get off?”

Your lips parted as you stared in shock. Could you just answer a simple no? “I actually have to close up today … so I … uhm-”

“I-It’s okay,” Peter rushed out nervously, seeing the way that Bucky was eyeing you, “That’s it, thank you.”

Your smile was thin and awkward before you walked away. 

Peter’s eyes widened with frustration as he stared across the table at the older man, “What are you doing?” Bucky chuckled as he grabbed the check, clicking his pin in order to sign it. Peter didn’t know it but the man was leaving you a hefty tip, “Were you trying to scare her?”

“I was trying to get you a date!” Bucky retorted, “Your good with numbers, kid, and I appreciate you helping me out. I really do but your game with women is a little laughable.”

Peter shook his head in disbelief, “Why does it matter?” Peter lowered his voice as the realization set in that Bucky was right, “Why does it matter what kind of game I have? I’m just here to count your money, right?”

The look in Bucky’s eyes was almost sympathetic, “You count money for now but you’re strong, I can tell. You could become a very valuable person to me if you work at it. And part of being in my little family is having some fucking confidence. You were drooling over that girl instead of manning up and asking her out.”

Peter crossed his arms, “What if she said no?”

Bucky smirked at the younger boy, “She wouldn’t if you had some fucking balls,” Peter rolled his eyes, “But if she did said no … then you chase her. That’s the best part.”

There was something evil in the man's glare but Peter brushed it out. The man was a professional, drug dealing murderer. “You want to ask her to prom or something?”

Peter shook his head, annoyed, “I’m not in high school, Mr. Barnes. I just like her, okay? And it doesn’t matter that I like her because it’s not like we can date. I’m sure we both have bigger things to focus on. Now ... can we go back to talking about the deal that’s going on tomorrow?”

Bucky seemed amused by the kid’s awkwardness, “I like your idea. I hate that Brock guy anyways. He’s overcharging me because I used to mess with his sister. You know … maybe if he’s out of the picture then his sister is free territory.”

“Out of the picture how?” Bucky sensed Peter’s worry and grinned. 

“That’s right, you’ve never been on one of my infamous boat rides. You should come,” Peter knew exactly what he meant. If Bucky didn’t like you, you did not want to go on a “boat ride” with him. That was a quick and easy way for your body to end up chained to a brick at the bottom of the Hudson. 

“I have a biology project to work on,” Peter said.

“It wasn’t a question, Queens.”

+

Your heart skipped a beat as a black Escalade pulled up beside you while you were walking home. You didn’t look over as you heard the window roll down. You winced as you continued to walk. You only turned to look as you heard a whistle. 

You thought he’d give up after the weird encounter at the restaurant but here he was in all his handsome and dangerous glory, “You need a ride, doll?”

“Uhm, no. But thank you!”

What was it with kids your age? Perhaps Bucky was losing some of his edginess with the younger crowd, “Get in,” Bucky said, much more forward this time, “I just want to talk.”

You took a deep breath as you clutched your purse tightly. You found your feet moving before your mind could catch up. Your body thought you’d be safer going with him rather than arguing with the famous criminal. You heard the rumors about people that went missing because they pissed him off. Every time they seemed to arrest him, he was back on the streets weeks later. The cops, ones who he didn’t pay off, could never pin him to any of the murders. 

If you went missing because of Bucky Barnes, you and your legacy were effectively wiped away. 

He opened the back door for you and you climbed into the leather seat as he slid over. Shaking, you grabbed your seat belt and buckled yourself in. Bucky was used to the lack of eye contact and shaky fingers. It usually annoyed him but, for you, he found it endearing. 

As the door closed, the man in the front seat drove off, “What exactly do you want to talk to me about?” You asked, still confused about the entire situation. 

“My friend that sat at the table with me. Peter Parker,” Bucky spoke vaguely. 

“We don’t really know each other,” You explained, hoping that guy wasn’t somehow in trouble with Bucky, “We just go to the same college.”

“No, I know,” Bucky continued, “I just know that he’s interested in getting to know you better. And Peter’s a good friend of mine, you know?”

You nodded slowly. That meant Peter was dangerous, “Right. He’s … he’s never talked to me.”

Bucky chuckled, “He’s the shy type. You’re a pretty girl, he probably doesn’t think he’s good enough. That’s why I’m here talking to you.”

“What do you want me to do?” You asked hesitantly.

“That’s a good response,” Bucky gave you a smug look, “You’ll find out soon, doll. Sit tight.”

Your eyes widened as you looked out the tinted window, watching your apartment building pass by. Bucky’s driver gazed at you through the rearview mirror before focusing back on the road. 

+

Peter thought he wouldn’t be able to stomach. Watching a grown man cry and beg for his life before being tossed over the edge. You watched him sink and the bubbles slowly start to disappear as he went deeper, “That wasn’t so bad, was it?” Bucky had said to him.

Peter hated to say that it wasn’t as bad as he believed it would be. Perhaps the years of struggling had blackened his heart. After the murder, Bucky proceeded to drag you back to his million-dollar apartment, wanting to share a drink or to. 

Peter almost opened his mouth to say that he wasn’t twenty-one yet but knew the exact reaction he would get from Bucky. Bucky had his arm wrapped around Peter’s shoulder as he showed him to the kitchen, “One day, you’re going to have a place just like this,” He said, hinting at your luxurious surroundings, “You stick with me and you won’t need that piece of shit degree.”

Peter only nodded, accepting a beer from the man. Bucky watched as the boy chugged the content of his glass. Peter hoped it would get him through the rest of the night and help give him some liquid courage, “You’re a weird kid, Queens,” Bucky laughed, “I like it. C’mere, I want to show you something.”

You followed Bucky down the hallway, hoping it wasn’t another disturbing thing that the man found amusing, “What is it?”

“A present,” Bucky grinned, guiding Peter to the door at the end of the hallway. Peter would’ve preferred to be wowed by a million other things. Instead, his mouth was agape because he saw you. 

Whatever drugs he had given you to keep you relaxed had completely worn off. It kept you from fighting them when your clothes were cut off from your body. Your vision was blurry and your muscles were weak as they restrained your body. Now, clear as day you could see your captor … and his friend Peter. 

You were laid out on the bed, your hands handcuffed behind your back and your ankles tied together by a red ribbon. A red thong barely covered your lower region and a red ribbon wrapped around your front barely covered your nipples. Right in the middle of your chest was a red bow to compliment the red ball gag in your mouth. 

Peter flashed Bucky a mortified look. Bucky only sipped at his glass of beer, “Happy fucking birthday, kid,” Bucky beamed, “Aren’t you going to say thank you?”

It wasn’t Peter’s birthday and he was definitely not feeling thankful. Peter watched as you struggled in your bondage, frightened tears staining your cheeks. “What the hell are you doing?” Peter asked, his teeth gritted in anger, “I-I didn’t ask you to do this.”

“What?” Bucky sounded offended, “It’s creative! Think of it as a welcoming gift. I know you want to fuck her so here’s your chance. Fuck her and get rid of her-”

Get rid of you?

Bucky was interrupted by a muffled scream which only caused him to roll his eyes, “Or fuck her and keep her, I don’t care.”

“No, no, I’m letting her go-” Before Peter could take a step forward, Bucky’s metal arm gripped his shoulder. 

You felt relieved only for a moment.  Bucky stepped in front of him, “I’ll fuck her then, no point in letting the opportunity go to waste.”

Peter’s heart stopped, “Mr. Barnes, please.”

“You do it or I will,” Bucky said firmly, “You’re smart and I want to keep you around but if you can’t … take a few fun risks then maybe you’re not the type of person that should work for me.” Bucky’s words settled over him. Peter thought about losing this opportunity and all the money that would come along with it. Looking into your teary eyes, Peter thought about how rough Bucky would be with you. Maybe he could explain that … Peter mentally cursed. 

Peter didn’t answer verbally, only pushed past Bucky, walking towards the bed. Peter felt a sudden rush of adrenaline as he stalked towards the bed, “That’s my boy,” Bucky spoke excitedly. He moved towards a lounge chair in the corner of the room, still taking swigs of his drink, “There’s no point in asking. If you want it, take it. Now put on a good show for your dear boss.”

Peter knew there was no going back now. He reached out to touch your arm, only to have you flinch away from his touch. Peter had imagined touching you for the first time and it was nothing like this. Peter turned that sadness to anger in order to fuel his adrenaline. 

Peter undid the ribbon around your ankles first. As soon as they were free, you were struggling against him. Peter was much stronger than you assumed and held you in place easily. Next, he moved to your gag, “Pl-Please don’t hurt me,” You begged, your voice hoarse. 

You saw something in his eyes similar to regret. Regret for the inevitable. As you shook your head, he said, “I won’t. Just … just don’t struggle,” He tried to assure you but as he moved your body over the edge of the bed, parting your legs and settling between them, you panicked again.

“Peter, please don’t.” He perked up at the sound of his name on your lips and you thought for a moment that you had gotten to him. He paused for a moment, only for a moment, before lifting his shirt above his head. He leaned his body over yours, his mouth brushing over your ear.

“Trust me, you don’t want him touching you. Just relax,” A shiver ran down your spine and you turned your head. Your scared eyes connected with Bucky’s and he smirked. It seemed the two of you were his sick entertainment for tonight. Your breathing was heavy but you tried to keep your muscles calm. 

You tried to convince yourself that Peter was the better option. He was your age and he didn’t have that evil look in his eyes. You hated that you preferred him. You hated that you were preferring this. 

Peter placed soft kisses along your collarbone and up the side of your neck. It baffled you that you got the feeling that he wanted to be gentle with you. You were ready to jump out of your skin when you felt your panties being moved to the side but you were interrupted by Peter’s lips crashing onto yours. 

Soon, you felt him at your entrance, teasing your opening. You gasped against his lips as he slowly sheathed himself inside of you. You wanted him away but you still found that your legs wrapped around him for support. 

Peter moved his lips against yours and you felt his own body shudder as your warmness wrapped around his length. He started to move in and out of you and it took you time to get used to the invading feeling. As Peter kissed your tear-stained cheeks, you bit down on your bottom lip. His pace quickened and wished desperately that your hands weren’t handcuffed behind you. 

“Y/N,” He grunted into your ear as he made long, deep strokes inside of you, “Fuck, I’m sorry… y-you feel so good.”

As he pushed deep inside of you, your head tilted back and a frustrated moan escaped from your throat. You hated that he was making you feel good too. You felt his hand running up your thigh  and then it was between your leg, slowly rubbing that sensitive bulb between your legs. That was enough to have you moving your hips against him. 

Bucky watched intently, the blood rushing to that area between his legs. He’d keep you in mind when he was deep inside Brock’s sister. 

“Ah, ah,” Peter kissed you, swallowing your moans as you both climaxed together. 

This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen. Peter was supposed to finally gather the courage to ask for your number towards the end of the semester. You were supposed to text back and forth for a few weeks and then go on a few dates. You were supposed to fall for each other the natural way. 

Bucky had stolen all that. 

As Peter pulled up his pants, zipping them up, Bucky stood from his chair, “That was moving. Very romantic,” By his tone, Peter could tell the man was hoping for something for brutal. Peter scowled at his boss, “I knew deep down you were a ladies man-”

Peter interrupted, venom in his tone, “What do you want me to do now?”

Bucky only chuckled, “Nothing like some emotional trauma to toughen someone up,” He patted Peter’s shoulder as he made his way to the door, “Why don’t you buy her dinner and then take her home? You can take my car.”

“That’s fucking it? After all that?”

Bucky turned his head as his hand grabbed a hold of the doorknob, “She knows what’ll happen if she runs to the cops. Welcome to the team, Parker.”

+

hope you enjoyed!!

[xfeliciahardyx]

Summary: What happened in the bakery changed you. The next few years would force you to harden and build so many walls that you vowed to never let anyone in. You can probably guess what happens when a certain soldier starts to scale those walls so that he can get to you.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Warnings: mention of blood, intense details about ww2, side character deaths, traumatic backgrounds, mention of Nazis, mentions of broken bones and bullet wounds, children suffering due to the war, imprisonment in a concentration camp, someone does get stabbed, and angst (Warnings will be added as the story continues if need be. This is just for the first chapter!)

Taglist: ~Here~ (Feel free to add yourself to any other categories!)

Word Count: 9k

Author's Note: Okay everyone reading I first want to say thank you for reading my imagine. There are some things that I need to clarify before you start reading this. The entire series will be me going through the Captain America movies. It first starts at The First Avenger and continues through the places in time where Bucky is and where he is not OoOoOoO plot twists. But yes this can be overwhelming to read because some details are VERY graphic. i did use techniques from my medical skills class so all the medical procedures are researched and correct. Please enjoy The Winter Soldier and The White Feather or as I like to call it WSWF

The war was changing you and everyone around you. It was making kind people turn green and bad people even worse. You learned that the hard way of course. When you’d had been taken to the facility you didn’t know what to expect. Now you had been in it for God knows how long and you didn’t know what would happen. You had no way of contacting your family. Of contacting anyone you knew really. You were lost, scared, hoping for a savior that didn’t seem to be appearing. Lost traveling in a fog ridden meadow without any sense of direction. It killed you to see how many people died and suffered at the hands of the Germans, but your screams were of no use. The way they treated everyone was as horrible as a cat chasing a mouse. Like you were the filth on their boots, the scum of the earth. Any time someone said something to them they’d react as if a fire touched their skin and recoil away. They acted as if they didn’t have enough money to feed anyone properly. The food was sure to break several health codes back in the city but that didn’t seem to stop you all from eating it. If it wasn’t stale bread that you could knock someone out with, it was week old soup that had hints of green to it. The water was as piss pore and was a dull gray. Not your best moments or the biggest feast for the holidays but it was for survival. It was meant for you to get on through the day and do as you’re told. The inmates had started to call it the end of the world. You didn’t blame them because it was. That didn’t stop them from constantly complaining about every little thing. You on the other hand couldn’t give a fuck. It was like every single one up and flew away with the happiness that had been your life in France. You couldn’t even speak after the horrors the world and slammed into your life. You avoided everyone and everything that lived, scared and desperate to stay hidden. It was the way to go and others followed your lead. You weren’t one to speak or do anything with another person and the others around you knew it. So, they cleared their distance and you appreciated it. You had never been one to stay quiet for long around people. Eventually you’d try to get to know them. But you had changed just as times had. Even now you knew to keep your cool and to keep up with your manners. At any minute they could kill you. Or they could do something to shatter your already scarred mind. You knew you weren’t like the people who decided to suck up to them. Kissing the floor, they walked on for a little bit of clean water, or a bowl of soup that was freshly made. They were horrible to the suck ups and laughed at them as they did their best to seem appealing. You would never stoop as low to be a person who supported the people who had made this sad reality your life. Despite everything your parents had done to you, you always managed kindness. The girl who was secretly the crush of every guy because of her brains. The kind of girl that went to the library in her free time. The girl who never dated because she claimed she wanted to focus on school but could never know how to talk to guys. Went to the movies with her one friend who she cared about more than anything. The girl who made life positive because her family had always made it negative. Yes, you were over all kind but when you needed to be you could be as sharp as a spear. So, why did they kidnap you? It was simply a case of being at the wrong place in the wrong time. But that didn’t excuse their actions following the moments they walked in that bakery with their rifles held high and their voices screaming in curses. Why did they have to kill one of the most important people in your life right in front of you? Shot her straight through the heart at the bakery around the block from the school. All because she was Jewish. Their logic didn’t explain why they had the right to take her life. Her younger siblings had been complaining about food and you had an extra food stamp to use. You’d despised the stars they had to wear on their chest that prohibited them from having the normal things every person

needs. You all had practically skipped to the bakery in hopes that they’d have chocolate. It was a nice moment thinking that everything was back to normal. She had only been 21 and you 20. That was 3 years ago. Even so long after you could still imagine the events that had occurred. Her blood had splattered all over your polka dotted yellow dress. All she had asked for was food for her siblings. Sure, sweets would have been kind but you were all hungry in general. When the soldiers had come in, they’d been attracted to her star. You should have been on guard more, but you’d been naive to think they wouldn’t harm them. One had grabbed Ciera and pushed himself against her. In her reaction she’d kicked the German away and his comrade shot her. Her siblings that had been clinging to your side as they shot her cried out for their sister as she dropped to the ground. Siblings that had their throats slit as they clung to your arms. You had begged for their lives. They were just two children. You thought they would have a little mercy. You knew you would take care of them for their sister. You tried to explain that Tommy and Cassandra had been hungry, and their sister had been killed right in front of them. The trauma they had suffered was enough for their minds to endure. All of what was happening was enough to make anyone mad. It was necessary that they cry and mourn. But as heartless as they were, they showed no remorse. That two children crying for their dead sister would never and hadn’t stopped the Germans. They’d ripped the children from your hands and pressed their silver knives to their throats killed them. You wanted to fight for them. You loved them like your own siblings. They didn’t deserve the fate that had been handed to them. The third soldier had held your arms behind your back to stop you from tearing them away. You had tried to fight him, but you knew he wouldn’t let go. You watched the blood slip from their throats, and you sagged against the soldier. He had been the kinder of the three. A recruit perhaps. You didn’t realize until later that he’d held you in his embrace throughout the car ride to the place where you’d be transported. The screams that left their mouths still haunted you and you saw their terrified faces in your dreams. Sometimes they would come together as a group. Other times Tommy would visit you with blood seeping from his throat asking you for his sisters. You blamed yourself for not fighting hard enough. You watched as the life left your eyes when you knew it should have been you. You should have been dead on the ground with them as they lay dead next to their sister on the ground. Yes, life was unfair. But if life was unfair than war was no comparison.

“Gurl!” A German soldier yells pointing his finger to a spot in front of him. Most of them could barely speak English and when they did it was so slurred. Half the times you had to watch their hand motions to understand what they wanted. His eyes are locked on you from your spot by the back of the courtyard. It was a quiet place that everyone avoided because of the sun that would beam on you. They preferred the shade, but you just needed the quiet heat to cleanse your mind. You cursed and grabbed onto the chain fence behind you to lift yourself up. It bent with your weight but you knew it wouldn’t break. It was a trashy fence that if you tried to climb, you’d either be shot down or just get so scratched that you’d just end up doing more harm than good. The fence traveled around the vast courtyard that was rundown and brown. The fence had rust in certain spots from when it rained but it never did anything for the concrete. Blood stains covered the floor from where prisoners had been shot and dragged away. There were splatters and puddles all over the already dirty floor. Even on the ground leading into your cells you’d find the lengthened blood beneath your feet. The courtyard was the only time you got to see the outside world. They also had a calendar on the wall that told you what day it was. You weren’t sure why but maybe it was to bring down the spirits of everyone. You on the other hand had been there for 3 years 2 months and 25 days. Since the beginning of the German’s invasion of France. It was made up of mock punching bags filled with paper plates and hard pillows that no dared to sleep on. People sat in cliques all around speaking in different languages. Most of them spoke French and in your time there you’d picked up bits of other languages. Nothing too major but just enough to understand.

“Ve dount ave foreevare vittle gurl.” He yelled again and you picked up your pace. You didn’t want to do anything to cause any more attention to yourself. His accent sent prickles of fear up your spine and the hairs on your arms stood on end. As you walked by a few whispers drafted into your ears and people glanced away. Being called over by a soldier wasn’t a good thing and people avoided it as much as they could. There was always the possibility of someone getting shot or having to do something you weren’t mentally or physically prepared to do. So, the terror that was filling up your mind with endless possibilities wasn’t a fun thing. Anxiety tightened the space in your chest and your throat was constricted with worry. You stopped a few steps in front of the soldier who towered over you and said nothing as his eyes trailed over your body. Once upon a time you would have blushed and shifted awkwardly where you stood but now you stand still and stare straight at the wall behind the soldier to avoid eye contact. The mic on his shoulder beeps and he holds out a finger to you. You don’t respond and continue to stare straight ahead. He responds to the German voice in his native language rapidly and you fiddle with your hands behind your back. You could feel the tension rising around the two of you and it wasn’t good. His eyes had begun to harden more, and his posture grew rigid. His eyes darted around the dirt filled courtyard until he turned around and stared at a man. He had been beat up. On his eye was a purplish hue with hints of green. You saw a small limp in his walk as you turned your head in his direction. He stopped and leaned against the fence with his arms crossed a pair of tags dangling around his neck. The green Henley he wore was matted and had spatters of dried blood. His pants hung off his body, still fitting but with tears. Looking from the outside in he looked just as bad as every other prisoner of war. He had an unreadable expression as he surveyed his surroundings. You caught a small calculating look in his eyes as he scanned people that walked by. His eyes caught yours and your breath caught in your throat. He didn’t just stare at you from afar. He seemed to bare your soul out in front of everyone to see. His gaze was intense, and a hint of curiosity was in his dark eyes. The soldier beside you muttered something into his radio and your gaze snapped away from the handsome stranger and you turned back at attention. You couldn’t get the image of him out of your mind even as the soldier gave you your new group to follow to your cells. Everyone was given a number when they were placed in the camp. Each cell was alphabetized and most of the time people didn’t even pay attention to them. They did it to give themselves a feel of control. The only one you didn’t follow. You didn’t say anything back to him and when he dismissed you, you promptly walked back to your spot. You didn’t want to turn your head in the direction of the stranger you knew was walking over to you. You wanted to disappear, and you knew the moment he talked to you your tough exterior would break. There was something different about the way his head was held high and his shoulders never slumped. You could practically feel his confidence from across the courtyard and out of your peripheral vision. You slid down the fence with a sigh as you put your head in your knees. You took a few breaths to keep yourself calm as a pair of shoes came into view. They were brown and matted and looked like they’d seen better days.

“You okay?” a voice followed. It was low and soft, but it sent shivers down your spine. You slowly raised your eyes up the body that was wearing them, and your eyes widened in surprise where the man from before stood in front of you. He’s much taller than you initially realized and his eyes a deeper brown. He stares down at you with worry and you just stared at him not knowing what to do. He was around your age and it was rare you found anyone your age and that spoke a language you could speak. Sure, there were people who spoke your language and had tried to talk to you. Soon enough they stopped coming around because staying in a group too long would strike fearing the people because they wouldn’t want the Germans thinking new company meant rebellion. He moved to your side and carefully slid down the steel fence. You stared ahead at the people who stood in the middle of the courtyard.

“So, you people watch.” The stranger says motioning to the people in front of you both. You nod without looking at him keeping a close eye on the people in front of you. Something felt wrong about the gathering. It wasn’t anything good. Someone was shoved across into another person and you heard the stranger suck in a breath. He felt the sudden shift too and he pointed a finger towards a short man in broken glasses. His eyes flipped from each side of the courtyard where the two soldiers stood. His hands were clasped together, and his feet were headed in the direction of the crowd. You nudged your elbow into your newfound companions’ arm tilting your chin up in the direction of the people. The air felt stiff in the courtyard more than normal as the crowd began to step into a circle the short man now joining them. The soldiers seemed to notice it too because their gazes were hardened, and their guns were pointed. Your heart began to pound as you knew what was coming next. It haunted you every night ever since you had seen it the day you’d been kidnapped and taken to this camp. The images of Ciera’s body falling to the ground flashes through your vision and you shake your head, feeling your heart squeeze. The screams of her siblings were in the wind you closed your eyes tight and took in a deep breath. They were screaming out orders in German, but the group paid them no mind. You couldn’t breathe. Your hands rubbed against your rugged jeans completely lost to your nightmares that were coming to life. You opened your eyes slowly and looked around to see if anyone else was witnessing what was going down. A few other small groups of people watched from afar with dead eyes, but none made a move to assist. Your eyes were locked on the German soldier directly across from you that was walking towards the group. With each footstep your breathing became faster and your mind screamed for them to heed the warnings the Germans were giving. The group was large and growing by the minute which in the eyes of your captors was a bigger threat. The German nudged one of the people in the group with his gun and what happened next you had never expected. The stringy thin man with blood hair who had been poked spun around and stabbed the soldier in the neck with a foreign object and someone screamed. His hands went to his throat and he dropped his gun. The man dove for it as the soldier fell slowly bleeding out on the concrete. Everything was chaos as the gun dropped and a single bullet escaped from its chamber. The bullet flew across the courtyard and your eyes flew with it watching it impale a single child.

“No!” you screamed bolting up from your place by the fence. The soldiers burst into action firing down anyone who had been in the huge crowd. Everyone went running towards the inside of the prison, trying to avoid the bullets. It was pure chaos as people from everywhere were getting shot as they tried to escape the rage of the soldiers. There were screams of all different languages and you heard the cry of the mother above all. Her cries for her baby filled your ears as you raced across the courtyard toward the downed child. The man followed you close behind, and you paid him no mind as you shoved through the on rush of people. People were getting into meaningless fights as they tried to get away. A man stops in front of you making a grab for your waist. A hand presses against your chest shoving you back as the stranger jumps in front of you. He throws a hard punch at the man who’d made an attempt touch and he gets knocked to the ground. You grabbed his hand and started running again. The mother’s screams in French guided you through the crowd. You felt your foot hit something before you went flying. Your hands moved out in front of you to stop the fall by instinct and on impact you hissed in pain. You had landed hard on your free hand but was yanked back up just as quickly.

“We have to go.” The man from before whispered in your ear.

“The child needs help.” You whispered back and he didn’t say a word back as he supported you on the remaining distance. The child lay on the ground holding his mother’s hand as she screamed for help. The brown-haired man set you on the floor beside the child and you immediately began ripping your jacket off your arms. You ripped the sleeves off the jacket and used the back to apply pressure to the wound. The single bullet hole was small but on the size of the boy was enough to cause a lot of damage. You quickly felt it become wet with blood and pressed down a little harder as the boy cried out in pain.

“Mon garçon, s'il vous plaît, sauvez mon garçon.”(My boy, Please save my boy) She sobbed as her eyes covered her face. Her hands were covered in his blood and your mind flashed with the memory of your own hands covered in Tommy and Cassandra’s blood. You ignored her cries but that didn’t stop you from helping her. You kept a steady push on his leg to slow the bleeding. After a few checks you eyed the wound and you couldn’t help the feel of triumph that flowed through your heart. The slow of bleeding meant you could check the wound for any other injuries it could have caused. You ripped open his pant leg and wiped the blood away to get a good look at the wound. This wasn’t the first time you’d be a medic and it wouldn’t be the last. Your father had gotten plenty of hunting wounds and you had been the one to take care of them. His leg only held one bullet hole, but his leg was so skinny it could fit in the palm of your hand. Your heart ached that this would be the childhood he remembered and not one filled with days of running in a field with his mother or being in school with his friends. He was one of the lucky ones you had to remind yourself. He was alive and you were determined to keep him that way. Your hands moved with remarkable speed as you lifted the child’s leg and looked for the exit wound of the bullet. A small hole was in the back of his leg and you wiped it clear of blood. You lifted the sleeve from earlier to your teeth and made a big enough tear that you could rip it with your bare hands. The long piece of clothing dangled between your fingertips as you examined the length. From the way the threading looked it wouldn’t hold for long, so you’d have to find a more permanent solution. But that was later and the thin cloth would do good for now.

“How can I help?” The man whispered in your ear again as your mind whirled with adrenaline. Your instincts in healing were helping you move through the steps you’d done so many times before with ease, but you couldn’t help the storm brewing in your feelings. You were enraged, scared, and so many other feelings all at once. You had gotten lost in the moment as you rushed to save the boy that lay before you. People were still running inside, and the screams had begun to slow. The courtyard was filled with sobs of families returning to their loved one’s bodies that lay dead on the floor. The blood on the ground would haunt them for the rest of their lives as the bodies were carried away by the ‘healthy’ prisoners.

“Lift his leg carefully. I need to make a tourniquet to stop the bleeding.” You said softly showing him the places to place his hands. He placed his above and below the wound just as you’d asked and lifted slowly. The boy screamed in pain and the mother began to reach her hands out to stop you. You glared at her, but she ignored your attempts to stop her from distracting you. She was screaming at you in French, begging you to stop hurting her boy. You ignored her cries and curses and continued to work. Her hands were gripping yours now as she tightened them around your wrists, and you struggled to tie the knot.

“Si vous ne retirez pas vos mains, votre fils mourra!” (if you don’t pull your hands away your son will die) you snap back at her in French and her nails stop digging into your skin. She pulls away quickly but doesn’t move her eyes away from your face. You sigh in frustration as you tighten the knot around the boy’s leg. You can hear the boy crying for his maman and she’s trying to calm him but it’s no use. You grab the jacket and place it over the boys wound again and apply pressure. The mother is sobbing as she holds her sons face and you watch knowing that you can only help minimally. You motion for the man to lower his leg softly and he does. He watches you carefully as you wrap the torn jacket around his leg and tie it again in the back. The bleeding has slowed to minimal trickle, but you’ll have to find something to clean the wound to keep away infection. You sigh in relief collapsing on the back of your heels as the woman steps away from her boy and walks over to you. She offers a hand over to you and you stare at it not sure what to do. She smiles weakly and shakes her hand again. You realize she’s trying to get you to stand up and you take it willingly. She helps you stand up and as soon as you’ve got on your feet, she pulls you into a hug.

“You…help…. me Henry.” She whispers in your ear as she pulls away. There’s a new look in her eyes as she apologizes for hurting you in French. She pulls your wrists to her mouth and places small kisses over the crescent moon shaped marks. Her fingers run over them in a silent guilt and you pull away and give her a small smile. Her hand brushes your cheek leaving a trail of blood, but her eyes are locked on yours. She leans in placing a kiss on your cheek before releasing you from her embrace. She quiets quickly once you tell her that it’s alright and that you have something to tell her. You start to give her basic instructions that will keep her son alive. How to clean the wound and tell her the signs of infection. Her hands grip onto her fingers, and her eyes are eager to make sure she doesn’t miss a word. You tell her your cell keep so that if she may ever need your assistance, she can send someone. The man who helped you stands beside you as you give her these instructions nodding as you list off everything. Once you trust that she knows everything you bid her goodbye and tell her to stay safe. She doesn’t respond as she looks away from you down to her son whose hand is out reached for her. She rushes to her knees and grabs his hand and doesn’t give you another glance. You know she won’t leave him alone for a minute. The fear of losing her family wasn’t a good one and it had scarred her heart forever just as it did to you months ago. She would hold on tight to his hands and watch for any signs of sickness. She would not sleep through the night but would tell her boy that she did. She’d do anything to protect her last light in the dark world. Your eyes travel from their joined hands to the boys’ face. It’s pale, most likely from the blood loss but he smiles at you. He opens his mouth to say something, and just as quick as it opens it closes as a grimace of pain flashes over his face. You shake your head giving him a weak smile. You kneel beside his head and place a soft kiss on his sweaty forehead and murmur a good-bye. You give the mother and son a small wave before standing once more and turning on your heel to walk away. Your tail follows you as you make your rounds around the courtyard. People cry out to the two of you as you try your best to help anyone and everyone. Most people have died by the time you reach them, and you close their eyes for the dead to mourn. Some don’t accept that their loved one is dead and continue to scream their fury at your insistence. One man almost attacks you because he refuses to believe his wife was killed and the stranger has to stop him. Tears stream down your cheeks at the sight of each body that lies on the floor. There was so much blood on the court now that it was rare you saw an old patch that was dried. It runs underneath your shoes and covers each piece of cement with ease. It soaks the clothes of the people lying beside their families and friends crying their hearts out to someone who is no longer there. Their pain has become apart of you and you can feel the shock of it numb you by the time you reach the last patient. Your tears have dried up and your hands are covered in so much blood that pieces flake off when the wind blows through the courtyard. You stand beside the teenage girl that holds her arm limp as her companion stands nearby attempting to talk to you in German. You attempt to converse with him in French the only language you’d been able to learn in your months of imprisonment but it’s no use as he doesn’t understand you. The girl cries softly as you touch her arm trying to figure out what was wrong.

“Was ist mit ihr passiert?” (What happened to her?) your partner says in German earning a glance from the boy. He speaks faster now the urgency in his hand motions clear. You can’t help but watch in awe as the man who has been helping this whole time stays remarkably calm. He nods and continues to ask him questions and gives him responses without hesitation. He doesn’t interrupt when it becomes clear that the boy is in full out panic mode. You place your hand on the girls’ shoulder and she flinches away before you give her a small smile. She stared at you with a suspicious glare in her eyes, but you tapped your eyes and then pointed to her shoulder in hopes that she would understand. Her eyes are wide with understanding and she leans in closer to you. You press your fingertip towards the top of her shoulder, and you feel her flinch. Doing this a few more times as you examine her shoulder you realize it doesn’t look like the other. It’s bent at an odd angle and you curse yourself for not realizing sooner.

“Her shoulder is dislocated presumably from being trampled in the panic. I know how to put it back in place, but it’ll be a two person job so I’ll need your help...” you trail off not knowing your assistants name. He glances over his shoulder giving you a smile makes you look down at your hands tat have begun to fidget.

“Call me Bucky.” He winks but you can tell he immediately regrets it because he turns away and starts muttering something under his breath. You catch a small huff of frustration that he cuts off quickly with ‘idiot’ following in English. You chuckle a little and his eyes brighten at your show of emotion towards him. Besides the subtle nudges of worry from before the attack, it was the only one you’d shown. His whole demeanor changed then, and you couldn’t help but feel drawn to the sudden beam of light. He was trying to hide his ear to ear smile as he shifted in place. You shake your head slightly and notice the two people that had been forgotten for a short moment. The man from before is quiet now as the girl talks to him in a soft voice. You motion Bucky over, and he leans down to your level.

“She needs to lie on her back. I’m going to pull it back into place.” Bucky gives you a single nod and begins talking to her in German. She stares at him in confusion but then as he explains it even more, she begins to nod her head in understanding reaching out to her boyfriend for assistance. He grabs her lifted hand and Bucky grabs her waist. Her boyfriend kneels beside her and the two exchange soft words that you don’t attempt to hear. Yes, there were things worse than what she was going through but what you were about to do wasn’t about to be as painless as she’d think. Besides the love that you could see when they looked at each other felt like you were intruding every time they looked at each other. When both men have settled, they both slowly lay her down onto her back, but your eyes don’t miss the flinch she gives once Bucky goes near her and her partner has stepped away. You slightly nudge Bucky out of the way and lightly grab her arm. You can see the gratitude in her eyes, and she tries to grab your hand most likely to thank you in the only way she knew how. You gave her a small nod and remained silent because somethings were better left unsaid. As you go through the steps you tell Bucky what you’re doing and in turn he translates. She doesn’t take her eyes off her partner the entire way as you begin to move her. Her arm is causing her a lot of pain, so your touches are featherlight. She is squeezing his hand and you take a lot of breaks to offer her some relief. Once her arm is outstretched towards you, you place your foot underneath where her shoulder is. You take a deep breath and without warning pull her arm at the same time as you push into her side. A loud pop sounds from her arm and you immediately stop pulling on her arm and let it sit on your lap. A blood curdling scream leaves her mouth and she begins to sob in pain. You can see her body shake as her free hand covers the tears that stream down her face. The three of you aren’t the only ones that heard her of course and a German soldier runs over to you all and starts yelling commands that you don’t understand. The girls companion starts responding to him much quieter than before most likely being careful with what he says. Even with the man explaining the soldier still has his eyes locked on you with a hatred you’d never seen before. It’s as if the soldier doesn’t care that you helped her and that she’d be better off in pain. You glare right back at him without a second thought before he turns his gaze away. He doesn’t respond to the boy before walking back to his post near the corner a few feet away from you. You let a breath you didn’t know you were holding in as he leaves the four of you alone on the courtyard again. You look down at the blonde girl who lies with her hair matted in blood from the concrete. She looks at you with a blank expression on her face that soon turns into gratitude. It’s not the first you’ve gotten but something about the way she put her trust in you makes your heart jump for joy. She lifts her arm into the air slowly but gives you a thumbs up, which in turn makes you laugh a little. She grins at you as you return her thumbs up right back and she looks away reaching out to her lover. He grabs her hands quickly and helps her to her feet. It’s a slow process as she slowly tries to get a handle on her pain tolerance, but eventually she stands up. She holds onto his hands to balance herself and gave her shoulder a roll. She let out a soft laugh in triumph and glanced over to where you and Bucky stood. Her eyes warm with happiness that would only last in the moment but were well deserved. She directed her eyes to Bucky and gave him a small smile as she spoke to him in German. You took the chance to finally look at the man who’d introduced himself to you. Here he was in the middle of a war willing to trust you and take care of all these people and be your assistant and he didn’t even know your name. You could tell by the hard built of his shoulders and the way his jaw tensed was because he was strong. Not in a physical way but in

a mental was as well. He could be one to give support and be just as willing to take it away. He was strong but not with many walls. He was determined but not without conscious. He was a good man. A handsome one at that you think before turning away and blushing. Here this man was helping you as a translator and you were thinking about how strong and physically built he was. You shake your head biting on your bottom lip to avoid the smile that wants to appear on your face.

“What have I got something on my face?” he jokes placing his bloody hands to his mouth. You shake your head but can’t help the small laugh that leaves your mouth. Even as a good guy who’d helped you save 20 people who were either bleeding or needed something fixing, he was a dork. The couple gives you a wave before walking off the courtyard towards the yelling Germans. It was time to go to your designated area. The cell of which you’d have to stay in until mealtime which would be in about an hour. As if on cue your stomach growls extremely loud and you place a hand over it. Usually you could hold your hunger over with some water, but it didn’t seem like there would be anything clean for a little while. The usual stream that came out of a hose was used to clean the victims’ blood away. You turned towards the hose where it had only on clean spot on the concrete. Today had been horrible and you knew there would be more days just like this to come. You still felt the ache for the people you couldn’t save and how their blood was still on your hands. You looked down at the floor and your eyes connected with the blood that covered your shoes. You felt the sudden urge to rinse it off and clean them with bleach, but you knew they would never truly leave. The stains would wash off physically, but it would stay with you forever and trap you in its horrors.

“Don’t let it scar you more than it already will.” He whispered into your ear. You didn’t have the strength for words as the day’s exhaustion hit you. You felt your knees buckle and Bucky’s arm wrapped around your waist quickly, keeping you up. All the adrenaline was dying out and you could barely keep your eyes open as he attempted to have you walk. You couldn’t though and it made your feet hurt 10 times more. You groaned and forced him to stop for a minute. You were blinking rapidly as your vision faded in and out.

“I got you.” He murmured placing an arm under your knees and swooping you into the air. His arms pulled you closer to his chest and you placed a hand on your stomach. You wanted to say thank you, but the words wouldn’t come. You were burnt out of all your energy and your eyes lazily rolled over the man who was walking you across the courtyard. He looked straight ahead, and his gaze sharpened at the people who passed by. It was clear he didn’t trust the people around you. It wasn’t something anyone should ever give out willingly but the thought that he had given you such a fragile thing made your mind whirl with possibilities. You kept staring at him in wonder and you weren’t sure if it was from the lack of food and water, but you felt a sort of friendship growing with Bucky. He made you feel safe and he hadn’t abandoned you as you fell but instead, he’d picked you up. He’d let you work and hadn’t tried to take over either. Your hand gravitated towards his cheek and you held it there. Something about the action felt right and it comforted you. From what you saw it had the same effect on him. He looked down at you with a sincerity in his eyes and a small smile formed on his lips. It warmed your heart that you were able to get that reaction from him after such a long day and you couldn’t stop the smile you returned. He looked up and his gaze sharpened once more but there was something else displayed across his face. It was more lie… astonishment. You turned your head in confusion to see what had made him look such a way and you let out a small gasp. The area around the only source of water wasn’t crowded like it had been when you’d glanced at it. The people had made two lines directly to the water hose. You recognized these people as the ones you’d helped. Men and women who’d lost their loved ones and had found some broken but ready to be helped had stepped aside so that you could get some water.

“No.” you croaked nudging Bucky. You needed them to know you weren’t any special. You weren’t some savior. You’d been able to save them, but you couldn’t save your best friend and her siblings. That their ghosts still haunted you in the depths of the night. You began to squirm in his arms your energy suddenly making its way back into your body. He glanced down at you as you struggled to get down. He lowered your legs and planted them on the floor without a word, but his arm didn’t leave your waist. You were glad because if it weren’t for the support you were sure to fall. You pointed to the hose and Bucky nodded and began walking the two of you towards it. The area was clear as the people watched you from the sides. You could feel your terror rising as you looked to the guards that watched from afar. Your heart was beginning to pound with anxiety. You didn’t want another shoot out. Too many people had died already, and you wouldn’t let any more die. You urged Bucky forward and soon you reached the front to where the boy, Henry stands as his mother washes his wound. He looks up at you and gives you a small wave and begins tapping his mother. She looks up from her action with a look of annoyance, but it vanishes the minute she notices you. Her gaze softens and she smiles urging you forward. You kneeled beside them and murmured a silent hello as Henry proudly held back the torn-up pant leg. He was telling his maman in French about how he would be a strong boy and protect them both from harm. She said nothing but only let a smile and a few laughs through her tough exterior as she let you inspect the wound. There never was a lot of talking in the prison except for the quiet whispers between the terrified families. People weren’t the chatty types when they’d be kidnapped out of their homes and forced away from their families. You shook your head as images of Jews being thrown out into the street and onto a bus in your hometown flashes across your mind. Just like you couldn’t save Ciera and her siblings you couldn’t even save them. But you could save these people. Some part of you hoped that you could help push the everlasting guilt away, but you knew you would always feel that pain. So, you internalized it and turned to the wound on the boys’ leg again. The flesh surrounding the wound looked clean which was already a very good sign. You checked along his leg for any red lines that would travel up. It was a common sign of blood poisoning but seeing as he had none you knew he would be alright for the time being. If there were any of the blood red veins trailing along his pale skin, it would be a sign of infection and with no antibiotics would be the death of him. She pulls the pant leg away from the boy at your request because he dances away from your touch. He giggles because your touch is warm against his cold skin and you smile at her and her boy. Giving her the good news is probably a moment you’ll never forget as she wraps her arm around her son tightly. You can tell from the way she’s beaming at being able to stay with her son for more time means that in some way they’ll get through this together. It makes your heart jump for joy and you can’t help but let the happiness consume you. The mother hands her son to Bucky and he kneels on a rock nearby holding the child. At one point while the mother washes a wound you catch Bucky letting the boy squeeze his cheeks and pull at them every which way. He doesn’t let this stop him from tickling the boy and the sight is so pure that you’re smiling for the rest of the time. More and more patients leave to go towards their cells after you give them direct instructions. They all come to the water and you and the mother wash out their wounds and they walk away. It’s a process that soon you start to do without realizing how many people you’ve helped. Some were far worse than her son with multiple wounds that fill with blood at the touch. It takes a lot to break a person and seeing multiple scrapes and bullet wounds would make anyone sick. After about the 15th person she ran away to throw

up because of the smell of cooking flesh from the sun above. Bucky immediately took her place in helping you clean the wounds. You looked over at the woman in concern but found her son rubbing her back as they sat on the concrete holding each other. You felt for her because this scenario was nothing good or that pleasing to see. Knowing all these people were hurting and that the men who guarded you all watched from afar and refused to help was making you feel 20 shades of green. You wanted to just react at them. To hurt the people who were hurting all these innocents. You despised them and with each wound that began receiving care by your hands the hatred began growing bigger and bigger.

“Neutralize your expression. Showing you’re angry will upset the Nazis even more.” Bucky’s hushed voice interrupted your thoughts. You lift your eyes to meet his as you turn the faucet off and dab at the patient’s jacket to dry his wound. The confusion you felt must have been visible on your face because his eyebrows raise as his head jerks to his right. Your eyes slowly follow the trail to where a German soldier stands with his gun in his hands. His eyes stare directly at your actions as if you were a criminal about to attack.

“They’ve been watching the entire time. Through the cameras in the corners. They have orders to let us be but to shoot if they see anything wrong.” You immediately drop your expression and place a blank look on your face. Bucky’s nod confirms that your expression is fine and you both help the man who’d been stabbed on the right side of his chest. The panic of knowing you were being watched never quite faded so you dived deeper into doing whatever you could for the people’s wounds. He’d been lucky for the knife to not puncture his lung because if that had happened his lungs would have filled with blood and he would end up choking on his own blood. If that had been the case, there would have been nothing for you to do at least long term. You were slowly coming to realize that all those trips spent in the library studying the multiple medical books were coming to work out in your favor. Bucky calls out the information in which you’ve told him to tell the girl who accompanies the man. She nods vigorously before grabbing his hand and helping him walk over to the opening that leads to the cells where you all would be holed up. The prison inside of the prison. How ironic. You call out for the next person to step forward but are met with silence. You look to the previous line to be met with open space.

“Come here.” He urges. He’s kneeling in front of you from where you sit on the high-rise rock. You ignore the outreach of his bloody hand and you walk around him. He sighs as you reach down to the faucet. The cold water greets your fingertips and you don’t move away from it. Bucky taps your shoulder and you turn around to see what he needs. He’s staring at you like you’re the smallest child in the playground and that if you don’t listen, he’ll throw you in time out. He points to his raised knee and you scoff shaking your head.

“Either you do it willingly or I force you.” You shake your head again and he groans throwing his head back in mock pain. You giggle and lean forward to reach the faucet again but you’re swiped off your feet as hands grip your waist tightly. He sits you on his lap and you have to wrap your arms around his neck to keep from falling. You whip your head around to glare at him because you’re certain he’s a mad man and he grins leaning towards the faucet. You let out a squeal and you grip his knees as he shifts back on the rock sitting you square between his legs. You know you look beyond pissed because he avoids your eyes. He’s still grinning though at your reaction as his hands release your waist and reach towards the faucet. You move your hands away quickly and lean forward with him, eager to get the remaining blood off your skin. Bucky turns the faucet to the left and water starts spilling from it. He tuts when your hands almost touch the water and he grabs your wrists. The interaction makes your skin tingle and interlocks your fingers with his. In that moment you feel the firs spread throughout your body. Everywhere he touches you sends a different burn straight to your heart. His chest presses against your back as he washes the blood off both of your hands. When he breathes you can feel it hit your ear and it makes the hair on your skin rise. His hands caress yours as they wash 30 or more people’s blood off. His fingers slide into between yours with ease that you watch in awe as your hands become yours again. Except with his hands on yours you aren’t exactly sure where he begins and where you stop. Funny thing is, you don’t ever want to figure it out. His fingers brush over yours and they move away too soon. Before you can grasp what you’re doing you grab his hands and start the same movements. You slide your fingers against his long ones and watch as they become his just as yours were yours. You hear Bucky’s breathing grow uneven and you look over your shoulder to see what’s wrong. His eyes immediately lock on yours and you can see something that you’d never seen on his face before. You can’t read it, but you know it’s something he tries to hide because his face becomes black once more and his hands move away from yours. You gasp softly at the loss of contact and swallow the complaint that tries to force its way out. The moment has disappeared, and you can feel the slight tinge of embarrassment floating its way through your senses. You wipe your hands on your pants and the sight of you and Bucky’s hands together burns itself into your mind. You know it shouldn’t be there, but your heart holds it close and locks it away for safe keeping.

“You ready?” he whispers. His hand lays on your stomach which does a flop at the sight of it and you nod not sure if you could even get through a full sentence without stuttering. You stand up and take a step away from him. You were trying to get a grasp on your emotions but the only thing you could focus on was how his scent no longer surrounded you. Your legs wobble as you try to walk but your knees give out. Bucky grabs your hand and pulls it around his neck.

“I don’t think I can walk.” You whisper. He doesn’t respond at first but you can tell he’s debating what to do.

“Hop on my back. I’ll carry you.” You nod slowly as you walk behind him and grab onto his shoulders. His hands wrap around your thighs and he pushes you up in the air. You jump and let your legs fall around his waist and let your arms hang loose over his shoulders. His figure shakes a little as he tries to steady you and start his long walk towards the open steel doors. You place your chin on his shoulder and let out a small sigh.

“My knight in shining armor.” You tease half heartedly and he laughs. The sound warms your bones more than anything else could and you don’t catch the small smile that spreads across his face as he starts walking towards the yelling Germans. It’s time for everyone to go back to their cells and if told once more there would be consequences. Your arms become heavy and feel like blobs of jello as they swing. You can feel yourself absentmindly snuggling into the warmth of the man carrying you, but it doesn’t register as your senses begin shutting down. You blink a few times as you stared down at the dog tags that swung on top of the green Henley that adorned Bucky’s chest. The faint sunlight disappears as he enters the prisoner compound and the room becomes dark. You lift your head up as shouts erupt around you. You catch people clapping and you have the urge to tell them to stop. Drawing attention of the soldiers wasn’t a good idea because they had just witnessed what happens when you cause a ruckus. You bury your head back into Bucky’s neck as you silently wish for the cries of joy to stop. Despite all the good you’d done you still couldn’t get over all the good you could have done so many years ago. Bucky senses your discomfort and starts to walk a little faster than before.

“Get some rest. You look like you could use it.” He says softly as a metal door creaks and it gets held open for the two of you. You nod slowly feeling your eyes shut again. You listen to him this time and let the exhaustion finally take over your body.

Tagging some peeps~@randomfangirl82 @stucky-my-ship @jules-1999 @starkssnarks @dallaswinstonswife1109@notsosecretspy @kyn-lyn-blog @alltoowell-taylorsversion@creecree-4-life

[hanatiny]

More Than Friends

a/n: Whether you have someone to dote on today or not, happy Valentine’s day~ Not only is this a not-so-little something for the holiday of love, it’s also a thank you for letting me reach 300 followers <3 

pairing: best friend!Yeosang x genderneutral!reader

genre: fluff

word count: 2684

warnings: high school AU, friends to lovers, Wooyoung is no.1 wingman (or at least tries to be), Yeosang is absolutely whipped, reader is unfortunately very oblivious

-----

January, and with it your winter break, had come and gone - you probably wouldn’t have even realized it was February if it wasn’t for the excessive amount of heart-shaped, overly cutesy decorations that were littered across the hallways of your school.

You groaned internally, making your way past your classmates and towards your locker with a sigh. February itself wasn’t what bothered you so much, what made you positively abhor the month was how lovey-dovey everyone around you acted during that time.

You’ve never really had any interest in relationships and you made sure to make that clear, which is why you were surprised to find a neatly sealed light pink envelope in your locker.

You looked around subtly, wondering if the person who put it there was still around before quickly deducing that they probably weren’t. Curious, you turned over the envelope in your hands, just in case it was meant for someone else entirely. All you found however was your name with a heart and a tiny butterfly doodled next to it, which meant that this letter was indeed meant for you.

You chuckled endearingly, although mildly disappointed that your secret admirer’s handwriting was too ambiguous for you to correlate with a person. Before you were able to lament it more, a quick glance at your phone in your hand revealed to you that you were going to be late if you didn’t get moving.

Stuffing the letter into your pocket, you quickly gathered your books for your classes and booked it to your classroom after pushing your locker shut again.

You couldn’t focus at all however because you were unable to think about anything else other than who the person who had slipped the letter into your locker before you arrived that morning might be, and - more importantly - what exactly the letter was going to say.

Too occupied with your daydreaming, you failed to notice your usually calm and composed childhood best friend fidgeting under the desk behind yours.

Lunch couldn’t come soon enough for either of you, especially not for your mutual close friend Wooyoung who had been practically glued to both yours and Yeosang’s hips the moment you both left the classroom.

You heaved a sigh as you slumped down into a chair at a free table in the cafeteria, Wooyoung seating himself opposite you with Yeosang right next to him.

“What’s gotten into you today, Y/n? You seem so unusually out of it!” Yeosang elbowed his friend, at which the younger whined exaggeratedly but didn’t comment.

You pulled the pink letter out of your pocket and flicked it at Wooyoung to let him inspect the item before handing it back to you, his head tilted in confusion as he cocked a brow at you.

“You’re this worked up about a letter of all things? Don’t you normally just throw love letters and stuff away every year without even looking at them? What’s so different about this one?”

You shrugged nonchalantly while Yeosang poked at his food, listening more intently to the conversation than he allowed himself to let on, “No idea, Woo. Maybe I should just open it and find out for myself what’s so special...?”

You muttered the last part more to yourself than either of the males sitting at the table but they both still heard you clearly, prompting Wooyoung to nod enthusiastically and offer some what he hoped to be encouraging words, “Yeah, you totally should! Worst case scenario, you can just politely reject whoever wrote that.”

“Good point, I might as well... Here goes nothing.” You murmured under your breath, carefully opening the envelope before pulling out not only a piece of paper but also a small tube of strawberry chapstick which would’ve likely dropped to the floor if you hadn’t caught it in time.

You discreetly slipped it into your school bag after inspecting it briefly before your hands quickly unfolded the letter and dropped the envelope onto the table carelessly before beginning to read.

~~~~~~~~~~

My dearest Y/n,

I hope you don’t mind me confessing like this. I’m simply too nervous to voice my feelings out loud...

To yourself, you may not appear as someone special. To me however, you’re like a celebrity. You’re the most important person to me, and I wish we were closer than we already are as of now.

You’re a fresh breath of air to me, you’re not like anyone else. Everytime I talk to you I learn something new, and I think that’s beautiful.

Just like everything else about you. Your eyes remind me of stars the entire galaxy with how bright they shine, and I feel like I could get lost in them if I looked for long enough.

Your smile can light up an entire room, and frequently lifts my mood so effortlessly that it leaves me wondering how you continue doing it. Your voice is like music to me, and your laugh is my favorite song. And I want to be the reason that song keeps playing.

So, if you’d be willing to give me a chance to do so... meet me at the cat café later today after class. You know the one.

I hope I’ll see you there ♡

~~~~~~~~~~

You were so engrossed in the words on the paper that you didn’t look up in time to notice your friends’ reactions as you read before they recomposed themselves; a faint hint of a blush still tinted Yeosang’s cheeks while Wooyoung’s form relaxed after briefly tensing up slightly.

You folded the letter again and slipped it back into its envelope before, once more, dropping it on the table. You smacked Wooyoung’s hand away when he tried to reach for the letter, causing him to whine at you again as his lips formed a pout when you finally looked up at him.

If his eyes didn’t betray his curiosity, you would’ve said he was simply sulking because you hit him, but you knew better than to be that naive.

“No Wooyoungie, you won’t get to read it. At least not now.” You narrowed your eyes at your longtime friend as he huffed in disappointment, “But why~?”

“Because I can’t trust you to keep your mouth shut. The entire school would know about this by the end of the day.” You bit back, smiling triumphantly at the stunned silence Wooyoung offered in return.

“Touché.” Yeosang murmured, pushing his tray away to rest his arms on the table instead while he eyed you, wondering if you had any suspicions about the letter’s author.

As if reading his mind, your mouth opened to speak and Yeosang couldn’t help but focus on your lips, although he kept it as discreet as he possibly could.

“I want to meet up with the person behind these words. Something feels different about them... I initially suspected it to be Hongjoong, but his handwriting is nowhere near this neat."

Wooyoung snickered at that, but allowed you to continue and voice your conclusion.

"So for now, my secret admirer is a complete mystery to me."

"To you, and to everyone else." Yeosang added under his breath. He had a tendency to be quiet, so you weren't put off by this whatsoever.

"Indeed, Sangie...~" Yeosang felt his heart skip a beat at both the nickname and the somewhat affectionate lilt in your tone.

He was promptly yanked back out of his reverie however when you collected your belongings and stood to leave after checking the time on your phone, his eyes not straying from your form in the slightest, “In any case, we should probably get back to class.”

You turned on your heel and walked out of the cafeteria with Wooyoung in tow, the latter noticing his friend staying behind for a little longer than necessary but not commenting on it as Yeosang beamed, visibly lovestruck. It was a miracle to him and Wooyoung both how you didn’t take any of the countless hints he had given over the past few months, whether they were intentional or not being up for debate.

Completely zoned out, Yeosang jumped in his seat when the bell rang, prompting him to hastily grab his backpack and make a beeline for the classroom he shared with you, with quick steps.

He saved himself from tripping over his own two feet more than just once before he finally slid into the seat behind yours, breathless. You turned to face him, quirking an eyebrow inquisitively.

“Are you alright, Yeosang?”

It was a simple question, and yet the clear concern laced in had the blonde’s heart lurching in his chest once more as he nodded with a reassuring smile. He hated how cliché his crush presented itself, as if he was just hopelessly infatuated with you.

This was absolutely the case, as the way his heart rapidly pounding in his chest proved, but that was beside the point.

You thought it was suspicious that he didn’t seem to trust his voice because it was in no way like him to be this flustered - or perhaps you should rather say insecure. You shrugged it off though and turned back around to focus on your lecture, thinking he may just be feeling a bit under the weather.

Both of you found yourselves unable to keep your minds from going off-track, however. Yeosang was still excited about the prospect of possibly having a very real chance to be with you the way he wished to, while you kept wondering about who your secret admirer may or may not be.

The end of your torturous classes didn’t come soon enough for either of you, Wooyoung mysteriously nowhere to be found when you and Yeosang finally left the school building. You were relieved to find the crisp morning air had warmed up considerably over the course of the day, somewhat surprising considering the time of the year, and exhaled deeply, pulling a soft endearing chuckle from Yeosang’s lips.

You grinned at your friend, having always quite enjoyed the melodious sound of his voice before your expression shifted to a miniscule frown when you were eventually forced to part ways with him. Because no matter how close the two of you were, you still lived in different neighborhoods.

You turned to face him with a small smile, adjusting the shoulder strap of your bag before wrapping your arms around Yeosang in a tight but warm hug before meeting his eyes again, “I’ll call you tonight and tell you how my date went, yeah? See you tomorrow, Yeosangie~”

You waited for him to nod and boldly leaned up to peck his cheek before walking off in the direction of your house, not aware of the way you had flustered the poor boy. If it had been possible he would’ve melted into a puddle right then and there on the sidewalk, his face flushed a bright red from calling your meetup a date as he walked on in the direction of the cat café he wanted to meet you at.

He could only hope that you’d stick to your word, and actually show up.

Meanwhile you squealed in excitement when you rounded the corner, making a run for it down the street to your home. You slammed the door shut behind yourself, thankful that noone else was home presently so you could get ready and calm down your nerves in peace.

When you had finally made yourself look somewhat more presentable than you did while wearing your school uniforn, satisfied with your appearance before halting your steps when your open school bag caught your eye. After a moment of hesitant consideration, you spread the strawberry chapstick you were gifted across your lips.

Fully content now as you took one last look in the mirror, you grabbed your phone and keys to stuff into your pockets as you left your house to make your way to the café a few blocks away.

When you arrived there, greeted casually due to being a regular at the establishment along with your friends, you were led into the outside area where the cats were allowed to roam freely.

You would often jokingly call it the ‘fluffy garden’ when you were younger due to the amount of felines you’d be able to interact with. Now however, you paused mid-step upon realizing what you were seeing.

Yeosang, your childhood best friend and secret crush, lying on a blanket on the grass. He had ditched the school uniform’s jacket for his own, personal favorite jacket, you mused as you took in his posture. He had one arm hooked underneath his head while the other rested on his side, his hand petting the small cat that had positioned itself on his chest and purred from his attention.

As if sensing your presence, the animal licked Yeosang’s fingers gently before scrambling to hop off of him and run to play with its furry friends instead. You regarded the scene with a fond look in your eyes before heat rushed to your cheeks when Yeosang finally turned to face you, flashing you the breathtaking shy smile you adored so much before beckoning you over and gesturing to the space on the blanket next to him.

You watched him turn to meet your eyes when you positioned yourself next to him, a smile tugging at your lips.

“So... I take it you were the one who ‘sent’ the letter, Sangie~?” The male in question nodded sheepishly, secretly finding it cute how you never stayed consistent with the nicknames you gave to people. “Yeah, it was me. Wooyoung helped though... the chapstick was his idea, among other things.”

You hummed at the nervous laugh that slipped past his lips as he waited for your reaction, “I expected as much. A mystery how he managed to not snitch, truly...” You trailed off, reaching to brush a strand of hair out of Yeosang’s handsome face. “What’s also a mystery is how neither of us seem to have picked up on the signals we tried to send each other.”

Yeosang tilted his head slightly, subconsciously leaning into your touch as he eyed you with somewhat furrowed brows, “But I thought you weren’t interested in relationships, Y/n?”

“I did say that, but I’m making an exception for you. I guess what I’m saying is... I like you back, Yeosangie. As in... like like you.”

You bit your lip in anticipation of his next move, practically seeing the cogs turning in his head before his face lit up with relief.

“I’m so glad to hear that, I was actually even worried you had changed your mind and wouldn’t come in the first place.” Yeosang took a deep breath as he took in your shy but genuine expression, “Can I... would you let me kiss you?”

You nodded, gently tugging him close by means of his jacket before he even had time to react. Your kiss was clumsy, as expected from two people your age, but you wouldn’t have it any other way. It was perfect, just like you were to each other.

He grinned at you when he pulled back, “Did you put on the strawberry chapstick~?” You giggled in response, “Mhm, I sure did. What’s interesting though is that you taste like vanilla... and I happen to like vanilla~”

You spent the rest of the afternoon and evening talking and playing with the cats until it was time for the café to close, and you left to make your way back home. Together this time, hands interlocked.

Yeosang kissed you again lovingly when you reached your doorstep and promised to pick you up before school the following day before walking off into the night, a bright smile on his face.

You had barely set foot into your house and heard the door click closed behind you, when your phone vibrated in your hand. You didn’t need to check to know who was calling you at this hour, amusement filling you as you heard your now-boyfriend’s voice on the other end of the line.

“Well Y/n, how was your date~?”

—– Taglist:

@cometoceantrenches @ddeonghwva  @galaxteez @illicit-roses @inkigayeo​ @latte-fairytaekwoon @little-precious-baby @moonlit-lixie @multidreams-and-desires @nightqueennyx @truebluejoong​ @twancingyunhoe​ @vocalyunho​ @yunhoiseyecandy​

Network tag:

@8makes1teamnet

[simpingforsoftboys]

The Odds of Us All

Special CH1: A Glance At The Past (the one where Sakusa meets Y/n)

Okay so this chapter takes place right before Y/n’s first year of high school! I wanted to write more Sakusa within the “The Odds of Us All” AU but it’s not my dudes time to shine yet :( So here we are, I’m going to write about the time Y/n met Kiyo ahahhaha. Enjoy my fellow Sakusa simps ;)

*technically this can be read as a stand alone one shot but why would you only settle for that when you can read the series?

“Y/n, I know you want to stick by Tetsuro and Kenma... but you seriously need to consider your future. Eventually you’ll have to separate from them, don’t let your history hold you back in the past.” M/n Ushijima, Y/n’s competent and straight forward mother advised, gazing at her daughter with a knowing stare. At the moment the h/c girl was looking through a long lists of high schools she had the options of attending. Her top four options were Fukurodani Academy, Shiratorizawa Academy, Itachiyama Institute, and Nekoma High. 

Fukurodani was a good option, they had a focus on subjects like Japanese and English literature, as well as history and art. While Nekoma High’s more favored subjects were the STEM courses, and they even had a bonus of being the chosen high school of her childhood friends, Kuroo and Kenma. These two were the cheapest options- neither of them being a private academy like the other two. 

Itachiyama Institute was probably the place her mother wanted her to attend, they were renowned for their excellent college prep classes, exceptional sports teams, and high rate of graduating students getting into Imperial Universities (Japan’s Ivy League basically). Shiratorizawa Academy was all the way in Miyagi- but they had a dorm that she could stay in. There was also the fact that she was guaranteed an invitation from the headmaster himself, due to the Ushijima family’s children studying there as per tradition. Her cousin Wakatoshi also attended the school, as expected of him, if she chose to follow his lead she was guaranteed friends and a good time also.

Choosing a high school was hard- especially when her mother was pushing her in one direction, only to backtrack and say that she would support her no matter what school she wanted to attend. Y/n briefly wondered what it’d be like when deciding on a university in the future- however those thoughts were far from pleasant so she shook them off. 

“I... don’t know mom.” M/n looked at her daughter long and hard, releasing a soft sigh before pulling out her phone and tapping away.

“How about you take Itachiyama’s entrance exams and see if you at least qualify? Any other school on this list will accept you as a student in a heartbeat. At least this way you’ll know if Itachiyama is even an option for you.”

You blinked, considering her words, they made sense so you agreed.

“Great, the entrance exams are this Sunday, I’ll drop you off then.”

~Time skip to Sunday, location: Itachiyama Institute~

You had finally finished the god awful tests. It had taken an excruciating three hours of your time to complete and your brain felt like literal mush. Stomach rumbling, you made your way to one of the vending machines you remembered passing by earlier. One thing you were glad for was the location of the exams- right in the administration wing of the school- naturally, the heads of the place had access to the best snacks. You walked silently, eyes gazing at the ceiling, not paying attention to anything but the fluorescent lights. Rounding the hallway corner, your eyes fell to the end of the hall- where the vending machine was located. Humming a small tune you continued your leisure stroll, fishing through your pocket for your credit card. After retrieving it you purchased a mini chocolate cake (that looked more like a brownie than anything), white chocolate matcha cookie, and a tiny cup sized bottle of milk tea. As the transaction was going through, you picked up on approaching footsteps and people’s voices. 

“Apologies *indistinguishable*-san I simply must take this phone call. There’s a vending machine around the corner, would you please wait for me there?” An adult said, heavy footsteps receding, a door opened, then shut. You turned back to the task of collecting your snacks. 

“Is this what I think it is?” A noticeably younger sounding male’s voice asked, barely audible. You vaguely wondered what was going on over there, before promptly setting your food on a nearby chair, pulling out your hand sanitizer and applying it swiftly. As you contemplated what snack to indulge yourself with first, you were deaf to the incoming footsteps and soft gasp from behind you.

“But if I ate the cake I might accidentally spill crumbs in the hallway... maybe the cookie’s a better idea?” You wondered, pocketing your sanitizer, still oblivious to the boy behind you. “Hmm...”

“Uhh... excuse me?” That voice from earlier called out, startling you. You whipped around, only to make eye contact with pretty onyx eyes, the color of warm coal and cooled lava rock. His entire being was outlined in a highlighter yellow- it was kind of fitting, having matched the schools signature colors. 

‘Woah my soulmate’s actually kinda hot,’ you thought to yourself, taking in the boys appearance. Wavy black hair, two moles above his right eye, you couldn’t see the rest of his face- since it was obscured by a white face mask. He was perhaps 5′11- but something told you he was on the cusp of a growth spurt. So caught up in your musings you hadn’t noticed that you had accidentally voiced your thoughts out loud. “Thank god he’s not an old man.”

“...Is that supposed to be a compliment?” Mr. Highlighter questioned, staring at you incredulously. 

“Oh no did I say that out loud? I am so sorry- I swear I didn’t mean too!” You exclaimed before bowing in apology, cheeks hot with embarrassment. Sometimes you spoke whatever was on your mind- a bad habit you were currently working hard on breaking.

“...” He didn’t say anything, still looking at you judgingly. Internally he was wondering why he was destined to be with someone like you. “Sakusa.”

“Huh?” You straightened back up, wide eyed. 

“My name’s Sakusa Kiyoomi... this is the part where you’re supposed to introduce yourself.” Uh oh ‘Sakusa’ sounded a tad bit irritated with you now. His name sounded familiar somehow... but you didn’t quite know why.

“R-right! My name’s Ushijima Y/n!” You smiled nervously, awaiting his reaction. He looked pleasantly surprised at that.

“Ushijima? Like Ushijima Wakatoshi?” Your smile dwindled slightly at his choice of words. Of course he was excited- not because he met you- but because he was able to use you to meet Toshi. 

“Yeah... he’s actually my first cousin.” Attempting to keep the conversation flowing you asked “are you a volleyball fan?” 

Unbeknownst to you, Kiyoomi noticed how you reacted when he asked about Wakatoshi, so he decided to avoid that topic for now. 

“Mm... I’m actually a player. That’s what I’m here for... I was scouted for the volleyball team.” He says it so nonchalantly, as if he wasn’t sought out to join the best high school boys team in the entire country. 

You’re just as impressed as he hoped thought you’d be, all starry eyed and mouth open in awe. “Scouted? That’s amazing Sakusa!” He’s pleasantly surprised that you forgoed the honorifics, but a tad bit disappointed at your use of his surname. “You must be very skilled- I’m only here because I had to take the entrance exams.” 

“How were they?” He finds himself blurting out softly, it’s uncharacteristic of him- not that you could know that- but he finds that he doesn’t mind being a bit forward when it comes to you. Despite not usually being one for conversation, he doesn’t want this chat to end. 

“Mm they were okay I guess... but the math portion was pretty difficult.” Speaking about the hard exams remind you about how hungry they made you and your stomach gurgles in response. Behind his mask, Kiyoomi’s lips quirk at the abashed expression you make- which disappears once you wave it off with a laugh and a brief apology. “Want a cookie? Or a cake?” You question, nodding over to your waiting snacks. He shakes his head. It feels almost invasive as he watches you unwrap your cookie- noticing the care you take in making sure your fingers only touch the wrapper, not wanting to touch the cookie itself, lest you get crumbs on your hands. But you don’t look uncomfortable at his weird interest, so he continues to stare. “I can buy you a snack? What do you like to eat?”

“It’s fine, I have money.” The dark haired male pats his pocket, “I like umeboshi... anything with umeboshi.” Those enchanting e/c orbs flit over to him once more and he discovers that you’re probably the only person that could stare at him endlessly without making him uncomfortable. This thought scares him- he doesn’t even know you- he shouldn’t be thinking such things. You’re tapping away at the vending machines, cookie having been finished and trash tossed in a bin nearby. He assumes you’re just buying another snack for yourself.

“Here... is ume daifuku good?” You question, holding it out to him with one hand, while your other one reaches back into the dispenser part of the machine and retrieves a can of matcha tea. “Delivery for one!” The smile adorning your lips sends a pleasant feeling throughout his body, normal tendencies forgotten, he accepts your offer. 

“Thank you... can I pay you back? I don’t have cash on me at the moment, but maybe another time?” He pockets the canned tea and holds the daifuku in one hand, allowing you to spurt some hand sanitizer on his empty one. You shake your head, h/c hair swinging, his heart sinks in his chest- rejection overcoming him. 

“Don’t even think about paying me back Sakusa... but we can meet up again... maybe off of school grounds?” A shy look overtakes your features and he can feel his heart picking itself up off the floor and taking flight at how cute you are. 

“I... wouldn’t be opposed.” 

“Great, let’s keep in touch then! What’s your number? I’ll text you!” He tells you his number, watching as you type it into your phone quickly. 

“Say cheese!” You twirl around holding the camera up so that it focuses on Kiyoomi’s tall figure, your head poking in at the corner of the screen. He doesn’t do much- the only noticeable change in his demeanor is the *very* slightly shocked look on his face (you can tell by the wide stretch of his eyes). He licks his lips behind his mask and looks as if he wants to say something, but he doesn’t get the chance. 

“Sorry about that Sakusa let’s continue the tour- hm am I interrupting something?” The headmasters voice says from the end of the hallway, he’s pleased to see the two of you together. Both being the children of very influential people- it bode well for the school if you kids got along. 

“No, we’re good thank you... I’ll talk to you later Ushijima.” 

“Call me Y/n, Sakusa! I’ll text you okay?” 

The headmaster walks off, expecting Sakusa to follow. As he passes you he says one last thing. 

“You can call me Kiyoomi then.”

Series Masterlist

Taglist: CLOSED @kac-chowsballs​ @kotwd​ @ems1des​ @normalisthenewnorm @micheleinumaki @gomchan @empress-simps @mer-der-mi @honeyswhiskers @sakusas-number1-stan @astronomyturtle @akirahyoshi @afire24  @its-the-aerieljeane @carla-1217​ @fucktheworlddude @baes-x @shadoweepingscream @sirachano0dles @katamint @420-uwu @xstormiii​ @youtuboo​ @chibiitakoyaki

[yuusa]

𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐆𝐨𝐝 𝟐

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 𝟓𝟎𝟗𝟓

𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐃𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐫

𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝟐:

You twirled your pen in class while the teacher continued lecturing, your journal still in your close grasps as you occasionally write your routine and schedule as usual. You noticed that on the side, Tohru would also get distracted by your pen spinning and sit there admiring you. You only ignored her gazes and continued to stare down at your own work. You had already documented yesterday’s encounter with Yuki. There were moments where you would sometimes peer into the old pages and reread the written notes. You doodled a small rat character on the title of the entry, seemingly to remember the main event.

As you dozed off into your own world, Yuki had turned his head to the side and silently watched you from afar. For someone who had been closed off since the beginning of school, you were still one of the more academically gifted students in the class without any help from other students. He narrowed his eyes as he thought about his idiotic cousin at the thought of academics. He placed the weight of his chin onto his hand as he watched you doodle in your notebook.

Sometimes you would place the pen’s end at the tip of your lips as you thought about the lecture your teacher had given you. Yuki would occasionally glance at his work and back at you, thinking about what you had discussed yesterday afternoon.

For a second, he almost thought that you had understood him.

He frowned as he stared hard at his work. You were so quiet and throughout the day, you made it extremely hard for him to get a chance to talk to you again due to the awkwardness. It was. . . Really uncool of him. He wished he was as cool as everyone else, they seemed so laid back and easy-going while he is too busy thinking about the possible scenarios that would ruin his day.

While Yuki was staring at you, Tohru was also watching him with a confused expression. At first, she thought he was looking after her because the two of you were in the same general direction, but on closer inspection, it looks as if he was admiring you from afar. She could feel the hearts dance around her head as she thinks of the growing romance between you and Yuki. She was so caught up in the moment she accidentally covered her mouth with her hands and squealed which caught your attention.

“Umm. . . Honda-san, are you okay?” You whispered, the teacher still going on with her lecture in the background.

“Y-Y-Yes! I’m sorry!” She shouted, causing the entire class to stare at her. You deadpanned at her lack of awareness, was she really this air headed?

“Honda-san, (L/n)-san, are you trying to get afternoon duties?” The teacher turned around with an angered expression, she gripped onto the chalk with enough force to snap the tip off. She already had to deal with one troublemaker in that one particular group, specifically a carrot-headed cat person. She seemed so tired of Kyo’s roughhousing behavior that you just feel pity for her.

“N-No! I’m so sorry!” Tohru panicked as she started to bow several times in front of the class as they stared in awkward silence. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! It’ll never happen again! I’m sorry!”

“You’re both on cleaning duties today!”

“E-Ehh?! I’m sorry!”

You sighed and placed your head down on the desk in exhaustion. You wished the day was over already.

You wiped at the windows with a towel and a bucket of soap and water, your brain wanting nothing more but to simply go home and sleep after such a long day of school assignments. Although you generally had enough strength and energy to soar through classes such as physical education, the amount of workload given to you has been weighing you down.

"(L/n)-san. . . I’m sorry.” Tohru was crying comedic tears as she swept the classroom floor, her hair tied back with her hands occupied by the wooden broom, “it’s my fault you’re here after school with me. . .”

You turned to her with the towel still in your hands, “no, it’s okay. I started the conversation after all.” You squeezed the towel after dipping it into the bucket of water, “it just seemed like you had an issue with something I did.”

“N-No! I was just wondering. . .” She scratched her cheek as her cheeks began to turn a blush color, “if you were one of Yuki’s friends. . .”

“What makes you say that?” You asked.

“It’s just that. . . In class he was looking at you as if he knew you, s-so I thought you would be one of his friends!” She laughed as a way to distract herself from spilling the actual truth, “you guys just look very cute together!”

Tohru mentally screamed as she gripped onto her hair and panicked violently, just as she thought she was getting over her aloofness the words slipped out of her mouth, “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to assume, I’m sorry! Please forgive me (Y/n)-kun!” She screamed once more at her big mouth, she was so used to calling everyone by their first names that she got caught up in the moment.

You turned your head away from her to cool down the rush of blood towards your face. This was the first time someone had addressed you by your first name, it was really embarrassing. You shook your head violently and slapped your cheeks, trying to focus on the moment and not be distracted.

“Honda-san, you don’t need to apologize over every little thing, if you want to call me (Y/n)-kun that’s fine.” You dried your hands off with your handkerchief before walking towards the board to clean the surface, “Sohma-san and I met only yesterday.”

“O-Oh! U-Um. . . Then you can call me Tohru-kun!” She gave you a friendly smile and continued to wipe at the floor. She peered outside the window to see that the sky had already become orange, signaling that they had stayed late enough. She spun back to your figure which was still wiping the top of the board clean.

“A-Ah, it’s getting late outside (Y/n)-kun, um. . . Do you want to come over to our house for dinner? Y-You don’t have to go to if you don’t want to! You already have so much work! I-I just thought it would be really late for you to walk home. . .” Tohru tilted her head downwards, her eyes slightly glossy in embarrassment.

You paused for a few moments. You didn’t have much to eat at home and although you were confident enough to walk home in the dark, you felt that it would be rude to turn down an invitation from someone like Tohru. Despite getting you both in trouble, she was very kind and generous. Although you were a bit skeptical on the idea of joining another classmate for dinner, you didn’t have much choice as you didn’t have anything at home to eat.

“Okay.”

Tohru’s mood seemed to brighten immensely at your response, “really?!”

“Mhm.” You finished wiping the board and cleaned your hands a second time, “I don’t have a lot to do at home anyway.”

Tohru squealed in excitement before quickly finishing up her side of the duties and you both headed to the exit of the school. You noticed how joyous and aloof Tohru could be, she would skip around when she was happy which seemed to be most of the time. She was a very nice person you concluded.

“(Y/n)-kun, um. . . Do you live alone?” She asked.

“Oh, yes.”

“Ah! Then I hope you don’t mind the other guests in the house too!” She smiled with the same flowery and happy aura around her.

“Other guests?”

“Yes! I live with the Sohma family since they were really kind to take me in. . . S-So I hope you don’t mind coming over still!” She waved her arms around as if to express her nervousness, you wondered why she seemed so adamant on bringing you over for dinner.

“That’s fine Tohru-kun, you shouldn’t worry about it too much.” You pulled open your journal from your bag and began to write into the pages.

“(Y/n)-kun, can I ask what that book is for?” You hummed at her question.

“It’s a journal for me to keep track of my thoughts.” You lifted the contents of the pages to show her, “I write down my schedule and what happens every day.”

Her eyes sparkled in admiration as she scanned through the page. Everything was neatly written and they even had little doodles sprinkled throughout the pages. She noticed that you had a strong love for drawing flowers and birds as they were in almost every other sentence. Despite your quiet and standoffish nature in class, she realized how cute your inner personality was.

“They’re so cute! You have very pretty handwriting (Y/n)-kun!” She praised you to which you responded with the slight blush of your cheeks.

“I-It’s not a big deal. . .” As the two of you approached the gates, your eyes met with Yuki’s, the two of you standing in front of each other in shock while Tohru stood in the middle between you.

“A-Ah Honda-san. . .” Yuki didn’t expect the two of you to be walking home together, it was surprising, to say the least. “N-Nice to see you again, (L/n)-san.”

“O-Oh. . . Nice to see you too.”

There seemed to be slight tension in the air, Tohru thought. She sweatdropped at the sight of you turning your head away from Yuki as your cheeks were still a slight pink color. He seemed to be doing the same as well. Tohru only chuckled as she guided the two of you into walking home together.

“How did you guys meet?” She asked.

“We met at the library after school when you were all playing the card game,” Yuki answered, to which you nodded.

“Does that mean you two are friends?!” Tohru squealed, the same heart aura dancing around her as you stood there confused.

“A-Ah, I don’t know if we could be considered friends.” You scratched at your cheek nervously. “We just met yesterday after all.”

“I wouldn’t mind being friends with you, (L/n)-san.” Yuki responded, his smiling face still there as Tohru stared at him shocked yet excited nonetheless.

Your eyes widened at his statement but nervously bowed in front of the two, “Er. . . I-I would like to be friends too. . .” This was quite unexpected.

Tohru grinned happily, slightly over joyous by the idea of having another friend at school to talk to. You were quite nervous despite being quite intimidating at school, something which Tohru admits to being a bit scary.

“Sohma-kun, did you know that (Y/n)-kun has a really cute journal?” She piped up.

“Is that so?” Yuki smiled at her as you glanced off to the side.

“Mhm! She has really cute drawings! She drew a rat on one page, it was super adorable!” Tohru continued to gush over your art while Yuki only gazed at you.

Was yesterday an event caused by fate? Was he simply dreaming? It seems too unrealistic to believe that the day after he met you, you would have already befriended Tohru and coming over to their house. For a moment, he felt slightly threatened by the idea that you could advance so quickly into his life but he shook his head, it was rude of him to assume that you might have ill intentions when he knew nothing about you. Similar to Yuki’s thoughts, you had your own skepticism regarding Tohru’s extreme kindness to invite someone she barely met over to her house, it felt a bit too good to be true.

“L-Like I said, it’s not a big deal Tohru-kun.” You huffed.

“You guys seem friendly.” Yuki grasped onto the handles of his bag, “did something happen at school?”

“I asked (Y/n)-kun if she wanted to come over for dinner since she lives alone.” Tohru responded, “o-oh! I accidentally called her by first name too. . . “ She scratched her cheek as she recalled the previous event. Yuki hummed in acknowledgment.

As three of you were approaching to the Sohma household, you could see your orange-haired classmate sleeping on the roof. You questioned whether or not this act was normal, but considering his cat-like behavior, you believed this may be in the range. You sighed as Tohru and Yuki made their way to the door. You felt a bit out of place in this household, they seemed so traditional and your apartment was a bit run-down. Tohru gestured for you to come inside and you started taking off your outdoor shoes to leave by the doorway.

You turned your head to see a tall man with darkened hair wearing a dark green traditional outfit. You sweatdropped at the sight, you felt really out of place here. Tohru guided you to the table in the center as Yuki took a seat at the end of the table.

“Um (Y/n)-kun, since we came back from school and dinner will be ready in a bit, you could stay and do homework here while you wait. A-Ah, this is Shigure-san! He’s the owner of the house.” Tohru waved her hand over to Shigure who gave you a kind smile.

You bent your back over to bow towards him, “thank you for having me in your home.” You straightened your back but sat on the floor with your knees close to your chest. Shigure raised an eyebrow at your way of seating but only smiled.

“(Y/n)-san was it? How are you doing at school with these three?” He pointed at Yuki, “is it fun? Are they rowdy? Have they caused any trouble?”

He was quite blunt for someone you just met, you thought.  You pressed your lips together as you thought of an answer. In all honesty, you barely met any of them and this was your first time putting effort into making some new friends.

“. . . It’s fun. Sohma-san is a really kind person, and I’m lucky to have been invited by Tohru-kun.” From behind you, Tohru was listening to the conversation while making each of you a cup of tea.

“What about Kyo-kun?” Shigure asked.

You gave a closed eye smile, “we don’t talk, but I hope he doesn’t mind me staying for dinner.” You’ve made eye contact with Kyo in class by accident, but the two of you had always stayed apart from each other.

“You talk so formally! Just like Tohru-kun sometimes, lighten up we don’t bite.” He winked to which Yuki only groaned in response.

“S-Sorry, this is my first time coming over to someone’s house.” You heard Tohru’s footsteps come over as she announced her arrival with the tea. She placed down your cup and smiled before going back to prepare dinner.

“(Y/n)-kun, are you fine with eating fish?” She asked.

“Yes, that would be fine, thank you Tohru-kun.”

“Do your parents mind you staying over though (Y/n)-kun?” Shigure held his fan up to the side of his face as he leaned forward against the table. You hummed as you took a small sip of the tea.

“We don’t talk,” you stated bluntly, “I live alone and work part-time.”

“Ooh! Sorry for bringing it up (Y/n)-kun!” You waved at him to dismiss his question.

“It’s fine.” You tried to suppress the frown that was starting to crack through your joyous facade. You stared at the ripples from the tea as a way to avoid looking at them with your pitiful eyes. “It’s not something that should concern you.”

Yuki narrowed his eyes slightly before lightening. He would assume you didn’t have the best childhood, but considering everyone in the house didn’t, it wasn’t shocking news. He noted the way your lips were pressed against each other as if you were holding yourself back.

“The eagle could save the rat from his burdens.” He pondered over the meaning of your words. It was a bold statement coming from you who he recently met. He watched as you continued to interact with Shigure about various types of books with your journal by your side as you noted down the ones written by him.

Yuki didn’t know what to feel in this situation, it seemed too unpredictable for him and he wanted to figure out the meaning behind your words. Perhaps he was looking too far into it as it would have been impossible for you to know the Sohma family secret, but there was something in the look that you gave him that sparked a sense of hope within him. A strange sense of hope that maybe there could have been a world where he didn’t feel alone.

“Dinner is ready!” Tohru called out to everyone with an array of plates, “is Kyo-kun still outside?”

“Yeah, could you go call him for us Tohru-kun?” Shigure asked, helping her set down the plates as you watched their interactions. The sound of the phone ringing echoed in the hallways, “I’ll excuse myself for a moment.”

“Alright!”

You sat there waiting for her to come back with Kyo while Shigure went to pick up the phone that was ringing, which left you and Yuki alone just for a couple of minutes. You glanced at him a couple of times before hearing him clear his throat.

“(L/n)-san, do you need someone to walk you home later? It’s getting quite dark already.” Yuki suggested, “I could walk you home if you need someone.”

“N-No, that is fine.” Your eyes flickered towards the meal before returning your attention back to your grey-haired classmate, “you really don’t have to be so nice Sohma-san.”

“It’s okay, I was just trying to talk to you after yesterday’s events that’s all.”

You sat there staring at him in awe. You didn’t expect him to actually care about your interaction and it surprised you. You felt your heart sink into your stomach as you realized he must have thought you said something irritating. “U-Um. . . Sorry.” You gripped onto your skirt from under the table as you bit your lip. “I must have offended you somehow didn’t I?”

“Not at all,” Yuki smiled, “It was my first time someone asked me a question like that. Is there a reason you don’t talk to everyone else in class?”

“I wasn’t really the best at talking to others so. . . When Tohru-kun invited me over it was hard to say no.” You toyed with the hem of your skirt, “l-like I said, this is my first time.”

“Then I’ll go gentle.” Your eyes widened as he gave you an innocent smile. There seemed to be this comedic and pure aura around him as he spoke in such a slightly vulgar way, this contrasted his outer appearance greatly which caught you off guard.  

“A-Ah you don’t have to phrase it like that! I-It’s embarrassing!” You stumbled on your words while trying to form a complete sentence, “Umm. . .”

Crap, what were you supposed to do in this situation? You internally panicked, did he really have to say that?! You could feel your brain losing all senses until you heard him speak up.

“I’m just kidding (L/n)-san, I just wanted to ease you since you seemed tense.”

You breathed out a sigh of relief, “Sohma-san that was a bit unexpected.”

“Sorry, it seemed like a good opportunity to say that line.“

“I’m back!” You both snapped your necks to face Kyo and Tohru who were arriving, “Is Shigure-san still on the phone?” You both nodded as Kyo only rolled his eyes.

Just in a few seconds, Shigure was right by the door and you all were able to settle down and enjoy your meal. Tohru was very kind in giving you a meal even though you weren’t even part of their household. You cut through the fish easily with your chopsticks and started to eat, the rest of the family staring at you in disbelief as you consumed the meal. You tilted your head up in confusion towards their stares.

“A-Ah umm. . . (Y/n)-kun, do you just eat the bones too?” Tohru asked, the rest of the group watching as you stopped chewing.

“Am I not suppose to?” You held up your hand to your mouth to excuse your rudeness.

“Who the hell eats the bones?” Kyo said.

“No. . . You normally don’t eat the bones of the fish.” Yuki clarified, digging into his own fish and pulling out the flesh without any bones. “But, it’s okay if you do that too.”

“Mhm! I’m really happy you enjoy the meal (Y/n)-kun!” Tohru piped up.

“I-I see. . . I’m used to eating it this way.” You continued to eat your meal.

You didn’t get many opportunities like this to eat, even as a child you didn’t eat much either.

“God. . . Please listen to my prayers,” She cried out, she slid a bowl of mackerel bones from her side and placed it in front of the altar, “this is all I have to offer, please forgive me!” You watched from the far corner of your darkened room as she kneeled in front of the wooden altar, which was the only furniture you had in the small space you called a room. Your (e/c) eyes staring at her with your knees close to your chest as you pushed yourself further into the corner, hoping that one day you could disappear.

Your mother would pray every single day in your room and only return with scraps of food. Even though it was thought of to be filthy at first, this was the only way you could survive. You wondered if there truly was a God. Would you be able to see one when you disappear? You pressed your cheek against the cold wall, did it truly matter in the end? It seemed hopeless.  

Was it worth dying to find out if God exists?

You watched your mother continue praying, your nails digging into your flesh as you glared at her. With every second, seeing her made your blood boil. You bit your lip, the skin splitting as the crimson liquid dripped from your chin.

The dullness in your eyes seemed to return which went unnoticed by most of the group. Yuki frowned at the sight but decided not to comment on it.

“(Y/n)-kun, are you walking back home alone?” Shigure asked, giving you a bit of a deja vu moment.

“Mhm, I don’t want to inconvenience you all, especially when I was the one invited here.” You were almost done with your meal, “I walk home alone when my shift from work ends.”

“Oh? Where do you work, Tohru-kun works as a cleaner at a nearby agency.”

“I work at the cafe just next to the Takoyaki Guy, sometimes they even let me bring leftovers home.”

“You should get Yuki-kun to walk you home then,” Unbeknownst to you, the sly dog had been snickering behind his fan while Yuki scoffed in response at his childishness matchmaking. “Unless you want Kyo-kun?”

“Hah?! When the hell did I ever agree to walk her home?! Why am I involved!” Kyo yelled.

“Don’t you think someone strong should walk (Y/n)-kun home then?~” Kyo sneered at Yuki who had already looked displeased at the idea.

“You really think he is strong?” He argued, “I’m sure Honda-san is also stronger than Kyo to walk her home.”

“You wanna go rat boy?!”

You silently finished your food, enjoying the small show in front of you. They were a very lively family, you assumed that Yuki and Kyo weren’t on the best terms based on their interactions. You began to take notes in your journal of this experience, writing down every insult and word the two of them spat at each other. As you tapped your pen against the paper, you started to realize how similar the two were to the idea of being a cat and rat. Shigure discretely tried to take a peek at your journal but you had already finished writing by the time he even finished the first sentence. You were a fast writer, he thought.

“Yuki-kun, why don’t you walk (Y/n)-kun home then?”

You raised your eyebrow, Shigure was awfully persistent in letting Yuki walk you home.

“Are you sure? He asked me earlier and I really don’t want to cause trouble.” You turned to the mentioned boy, “you don’t have to go if you don’t want to, I wouldn’t want to inconvenience you any more than I already have.”

“Erghh! (Y/n)-kun you’re starting to sound like Tohru-kun a bit.” Shigure whined, his head resting on the table as he groaned, “she is always too humble for her own good!”

“Ignore him, I wouldn’t mind walking you home (Y/n)-kun.” Yuki responded as he set down his pair of chopsticks, already finished with his meal, “do you live far from here?”

“Not really, my apartment should be a few minutes away from your house.” He nodded before Tohru dismissed herself to clean up.

“I know you youngsters didn’t do your homework yet, but it already is dark and it’s time for (Y/n)-kun to go home don’t you think?” Shigure suggested. Kyo only yawned and prodded at his ear in boredom as he turned on the television. You could see Yuki’s irked expression from the corner of your eye.

“A-Are you sure it’s okay for me to leave when Tohru-kun is still cleaning?” You asked.

Tohru peeked over the sliding door, “I’ll be fine (Y/n)-kun! I don’t want to keep you any longer! I’m happy you liked the dinner!”

You quickly brought yourself up to your feet and bowed down to the group, “thank you for having me here tonight. I had a lot of fun.”

“You can always come here again for dinner if you’d like!” Tohru grinned, “maybe next time you could even join us for lunch at school!” You wondered how such a girl could have so much generosity built in her bones. For group of people you recently talked to, they were extremely welcoming. Did she treat everyone like this?

“Tohru-kun, you’re too kind,” You smiled, “I’ll think about that offer. Then, if you you could excuse us.” You picked up your school bag and faced Yuki, signaling that you were ready to leave. He quickly stood up and waved at Tohru before walking you out of the house.

The two walked in silence for the first couple steps down the mountain while you admired the scenery of the street lights. You never realized this until now, but the Sohma family has a really nice view of the town from the mountains.

“You seem quite relaxed at home compared to when you’re at school Sohma-san.” You commented.

“Is that so?”

“Mhm. . . You seem to have this certain aura around you.” You clutched your journal close to you, “you have an interesting family.”

He chuckled, “I guess you could say that. They’re all strange in their own little ways.” They were very strange indeed, but it gave you a sense of warmth when you entered the house. You exhaled and noticed the small breath of air materializing into the air.

“Are you cold?” He asked.

“Not really,” you tilted your head to admire the glistening stars, “this weather feels nice. The stars look bright today.”

It seemed as if his smile never left his face even after leaving the house. You wonder if he was simply faking it or it was in his nature to stay looking happy. This idea made you feel slightly gloomy the more you thought about it, but you felt as if you should have been more on edge.

“Sohma-san, do you think I’m a bit strange?”

He hummed towards the stars before turning to face you, “not really, why do you ask?”

You tightened your grip around your journal, “no reason really. I was just curious.”

“I’m sure you’re just a bit nervous since it’s your first time right?” He teased, “I’m glad I would technically be your first.”

“P-Please let’s not speak of that” you pouted. He thought your facial expression was quite cute, but didn’t want to comment on it. “I-I just thought it would be awkward not to say anything in the library. . .” You sighed.

“It’s quite fun to tease you. But (L/n)-san, could you tell me more about your idea? About the eagle?” You halted your steps as the breeze blew past your cheek, you had almost loosened your grip on your journal at his question. He stood in front of you with an honest smile, one that you could tell was genuine.

“Are you sure? It wasn’t that interesting.” He only nodded before the two of you continued walking again.

“Do you know what the eagle would do if they were first place?”

You hummed, “. . . They would fly through the sky, carrying the burden of everyone else.”

“Why is that?”

“They feel sorry for the Zodiacs. Because the eagle is strong, and they want to protect others. They want to free them by asking God to do it.” You started to kick at a pebble on the ground, “the eagle would think that if they tried their hardest to convince God, they could unite the other zodiacs.”

“Then, what would happen to the eagle?”

“They will. . .” You trailed off. Your lips curled downwards into a frown. You watched as the pebble you previously kicked scattered off somewhere.

Then the eagle would be alone too.

It was a selfish thought, thinking that an eagle could handle the burden of all Twelve Zodiacs. You dug your nails into your journal at the idea.

“The eagle would become heavy with burden, and eventually they can’t fly anymore.” You mumbled, “they would be trapped forever.”

Yuki turned away from you by the time you both approached your apartment building. You gave him one final wave before making your way towards the staircase and opening the door to your home. Yuki stood near your building for a couple of minutes, lost in his own thoughts before walking back home.

Perhaps the eagle wanted freedom just as much as the rat did.

[solastia]

Shadow Of You | 2

Pairing: Seokjin x Jungkook

Summary: Alpha Seokjin is sixteen when his best friend’s baby brother is born. When he finally gets to visit and meet the new baby Jungkook, he’s dismayed to discover the infant is his true mate. Or: Seokjin and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Long Wait For His Mate.

Seokjin bounded down the stairs of his family’s entirely too large house with his backpack slung off one shoulder. His hair was still damp as he’d rushed through getting ready and his clothes were thrown on without a thought. He hadn’t even had enough time to finish up his homework this morning like he’d been hoping.

“Where do you think you’re going without breakfast?”

He grinned sheepishly at the old housekeeper as he stuffed his feet into his shoes.

“Sorry, Yeona. I’m going to be late as it is.”

She sighs and offers up an apple she had in her apron, obviously having expected such an answer.

“At least eat this. It should tide you over until your first break. And stop staying up so late. You look thin and ragged. Do I have to move in to make you behave?”

Seokjin chuckles, having heard the same threat since he was a young boy.

“But Yeona, I have to study well so I become a doctor someday and can steal you away!”

“Oh, off with you. Have a good day. I’ll make your favorite for dinner tonight, alright?”

He cheekily saluted her and munched on the apple as he rushed to his car, finishing the fruit in just a few bites and throwing the core in a random bush for the gardener to find later. His poor stomach wasn’t happy with just a few bites of fruit, but hopefully, it would hold off until he had a chance to sneak off the grounds and get himself a real meal.

His phone was already rumbling with a barrage of messages, probably from Hoseok complaining that he’d had to walk to school since he’d never showed. He felt bad, but he’d hadn’t even been sure he was going to go to school today since he was just coming off of the most horrible rut in his life - never mind that it had only been his second.

After the life-changing visit to the Min household, Seokjin had rushed home, expecting to shut himself in his room to think about things. However, his body had decided to take matters into its own hands and he’d been horrified to feel himself going into his second rut - three months too early.

For once he’d been thrilled about the fact that Yeona had the weekends off and that his parents were at an event in Jeju. While it probably would have been safer to have someone around to check on him, he was glad he hadn’t had to explain why he was in so much agony. Why he refused to touch himself - instead curling up and sobbing as his body wracked with pain.

As someone who actually paid attention during his science classes due to his future career, he knew that it was simply his body's way of preparing itself since he’d found his mate. And since there was no mate around to sate him, his body increased its demands and he’d been forced to deal with high fevers, horrible cramping, and vomiting. He probably would have been able to reduce the severity with a couple rounds with his own hand, but it felt horribly wrong considering what had triggered it in the first place.

Jin drives with the radio off for once, the silence forcing him to finally think about his situation. And the honest to God truth was that he had no idea what to do. He’d never heard of anything like this happening before. He didn’t even know how to start looking for the information he needed.  

When he was being realistic he’d always thought he’d never even find his true mate. It was becoming a rare thing for anyone these days. He’d pictured his life looking pretty much exactly like his fathers - marry someone his parents picked and work at the hospital until he was forced to retire. If he was lucky like them, he’d at least become friends with his mate and maybe pop out a pup before they start a life of celibacy (hopefully. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to know if his parents had others).

Now...what kind of life could he have, always being drawn to something he couldn’t have? Now that he’d scented his true mate, had skin to skin contact as he’d held him in his arms, his body was going to be thoroughly fucked.

The horrible ruts were just going to get worse for at least a couple of years before his body would finally accept the loss. His scent was going to spike enough that he’d probably have to start showering several times a day and practically smother himself in scent masking products.

Worst of all, if he decided to just move on with his life and let his parents assign him a mate, no bite would ever take. He could marry and produce pups just fine, but he’d never be able to officially mate anyone else in the traditional sense. That would be a big deal-breaker for a lot of people.

Even in this modern world, the wolf and their instincts were still held in high regard. Being married without being mated would be looked at as taboo by his family and their circle, right up there with him mating a beta or becoming a janitor.

Jin sighed as he pulled into the school’s parking lot and finds Yoongi standing there with his arms crossed, giving him no chance of escaping unless he drove off and skipped school entirely.

Jin was many things, but a total coward he was not.

He grabbed his bag and slid out of the car, pasting a grin in his face that he hoped would pass for authentic even under the shrewd eyes of Min Yoongi.

“My darling Yoongichi, were you waiting for me? Chivalry isn’t dead!” he says dramatically, heading straight for the school building and ignoring Yoongi’s grumbles as he tries to catch up to him.

“Don’t give me that. I’ve been trying to call you all weekend. What’s going on?”

Jin shrugs, going for nonchalance, even as that subtle fragrance clinging to his friend began to call to him. “I guess all the stress from school got to me. Went into rut early.”

“Really?” Yoongi clucks in sympathy. “That sucks. Wait...weren’t your parents gone? You spent your rut alone?”

Jin waves away his worry. “I was fine. Some mild cramping. Five packets of beef jerky and a few rounds with myself and my Kumi Koda poster and I’m good to go.”

“You’re gross,” Yoongi groans as he pushes past him to open the door to their first class, which happened to be together.

He was incredibly happy to slide into his first period for once, as that teacher was notorious for not allowing talking and making everyone turn in their phones before class. For now, he was free from any more questions and could simply focus on his shitty schoolwork in peace.

Until lunch, that was.

And when it came around, the nerves roiled in his gut but he sat in his usual spot anyway. He watched his friends quietly as they all settled in like a pack of hyenas on a sugar rush. Yoongi settles into the spot right across from him and Jin nearly groans because that scent is still on him. Understandable, considering. Was he ever going to be able to eat strawberries again without thinking about how fucked up his life was?

“What about you, hyung?”

He snapped to attention when Hoseok jabs him with his elbow. “What?”

“We are heading over to shoot hoops at the park then have dinner at Yoongi’s.”

“Oh, ah,” he stammers, scratching the back of his head as he searches for a way out. “I was going to work on my biology project. Really big deal. At least forty percent of my grade, you know?”

“You can do it there,” Yoongi says with a shrug. “Ma has been asking about you, and you know if you make her wait much longer she’ll kidnap you.”

And that was the heart of his dilemma because the Min household was basically his real home, and he longed to be there. Ached for the feeling of belonging and acceptance that the family gave him. But he also knew that all of it would fly away if they learned the truth.

“Besides,” Yoongi continues after swallowing his food (the only one of his friends that actually bothers to do that by the way), “She’s been really worried since last time. She said she had a feeling she knew what was wrong but she wouldn’t tell me. Like having a rut is something to be embarrassed about,” Yoongi scoffs.

Jin’s nerves went wild. Did she know? Mama Min knew? He supposed she had been closer to him at the time so she would have seen his eyes, and he had growled at her but...shit. He was so fucked. She only wanted him to come by so she could warn the destined pervert away from her son.

But...he supposed he should go. Just one last time. One last moment to soak in as much of that feeling of home as he could get before he was banished. And now that the initial imprinting and rut had passed, he’d even be able to look at him without losing his mind. So maybe he’d take the chance to apologize to Jungkook too because he was going to grow up longing for something he couldn’t understand and unable to bond properly all because fate had chosen poorly for him.

He sighed and pushed around the food on his plate. “I’ll go.”

“Great, hyung. Ma will be happy and stop blowing up my phone.” Yoongi smiled gummily at him.

That seemed to be the end of it, as they all went back to eating and talking over each other about video games. Listening to them made Jin feel ancient, despite the fact that just last week he had nothing better to talk about than video games himself.

The rest of the day went by much too quickly. All of his teachers seemed to be in great moods and willing to cut classes early or assign easy work, so there wasn’t much to keep Jin’s mind occupied. He declined to play basketball with the others afterward because he felt the overwhelming urge to go home and get prepared to go to the Min’s.

It wasn’t until he noticed that he was wearing Burberry from head to toe and had spent twenty minutes styling his hair that he realized he’d been primping for his mate. For an infant that would be more likely to vomit or piss on the outfit than admire the cut or pattern. He scoffed aloud, practically hating his wolf at that moment.

“Get used to disappointment, you bastard,” he muttered wryly.

Still the wolf wouldn’t settle. Jin drove with gritted teeth, wondering what his instincts were screaming at him to do now. It wasn’t until he passed a shopping center and he nearly crashed into someone trying to control his arm from turning the wheel that he understood. Shopping? Why the fuck did he want to go shopping?

The urge grew until stopping abruptly, letting Jin’s mind clear.

Oh! The bastard wanted to bring a courting gift. Not in this lifetime, buddy.

He breathed with mingled relief and wariness when he finally pulled into his usual spot at the Min household. He saw all the scooters and skateboards laying in the lawn that meant his friends were already here.

He gulped and climbed out of his car, walking towards the door with an odd sense of deja vu. It was just a few days ago where he made this same journey that changed his life forever.

He stared at the door, suddenly wondering what to do. Normally, he barged in like he had the right to...but did he any more?

The choice was taken from him when Yoongi flings the door open and scowls at him like he’d just grown three heads.

“Why the hell are you just standing there, weirdo? Come in already.”

“Yoongi, be nice!” Came the familiar command from the living room.

“Yes, Ma,” Yoongi grumbled as he closed the door behind Jin and waited for him to take his shoes off.

They walked together towards the living room as Jin tried to control his racing heart. He was so nervous but his wolf finally seemed content with that strawberries and cream scent filling his nose like a balm.

The moment they walked into the living room, Mama Min pierced him with a meaningful look. Then she turned and handed Jungkook to Hoseok.

“Take him into Yoongi’s room and you guys hang out in there for a bit. I just want to check on Jin without you guys hearing a bunch of embarrassing questions.”

They all chuckled, having dealt with the same concern after one of their own cycles. Jin eyed the bundle in Hoseok’s arms warily, both wanting to run from it and to protect it from Hoseok's too loose grip.

“Seokjin,” Mama Min said softly, bringing his attention back to her.

She was...crying? Was she going to kick him out right away then?

She held out her arms and thickened her scent, the comfort and reassurance she was exuding exactly what he’d needed.

“Come here, sweetheart.”

He keened and ran towards her arms, letting her pull him close. She rocked him as he finally cried for the first time since it happened. He could feel the wet droplets as she joined him.

“Oh, you sweet boy. I’m so sorry. So, so sorry,” she crooned, pressing a soft kiss to the top of his head.

“I’m sorry, Mama. I didn’t do anything. I won’t do anything! I promise!” he cried hysterically, desperate to keep her from ever looking at him with disgust. “I can stay away from him, I will.”

“Oh, darling boy. I know you would never do anything you shouldn’t. I’m just sorry it’s like this,” she said softly, cradling his cheeks to make him look up at her. “I always knew that you were meant to be a part of this family, but this seems like such a high price to pay for it. I wish I could have had him sooner for you.”

“What do I do now?” he asked softly, sniffling.

She sighed and pet his cheek. “I don’t really know, Jinnie. I’ve never heard of this before. I suppose your parents don’t even know about this yet?”

He shook his head. “No. They’re not even home right now.”

Her eyebrow raised in shock. “But...Kim Seokjin! Did you just have a rut all alone in that mausoleum of a house?”

“Uh, yes? Yeona is off weekends and my parents were out of town so I had no choice. BUT! I didn’t do anything! I swear! I just slept a lot and I swear I didn’t think anything bad.”

He clutched at her as he swore, and her eyes softened even as they filled with more tears.

“Hush, sweet thing. This is an...odd and difficult situation, but I like to think I know you well enough to know you’re trying your best. I’m not going to automatically think you’re feeling...things...for an infant. If anything, your alpha should just be feeling super protective of him, and judging by the way you growled at me last time, I think it’s safe to say you are.”

He cleared his throat with embarrassment. “Sorry about that.”

She waved it away. “It’s alright. You can’t help it.”

The conversation lulled to silence after a few moments, with him simply enjoying the way she was petting his hair.

“Mama Min?” he finally asked softly.

“Yes?”

“Should I...um...do you want me to stop coming by now?”

She sighed and tilted his chin up to face her.

“No. You are always welcome here, sweetheart. Always. I trust that not only will you be able to control yourself, but that I will be able to be a fair judge of whatever is going on.”

She waited until he nodded in acknowledgment. “However, if at any time it becomes too hard for you to be here, know that we understand and will love you no matter what you decide. If you think it’s better to stay away, that’s fine. I’ll still expect you to write, call, send a pigeon. Whatever. We won’t be upset if you decide to find a mate your own age and move on with your life. You deserve to. No one will judge you for not waiting for eighteen years for a mate. That’s unrealistic and unfair.”

He nods and looks down. “Does Yoongi know? He’ll be pissed.”

“Not yet. I’ll tell him tonight after you all leave. I think he’ll take it better one on one. But you know him. He’ll take the night to process it and then he’ll be angry at you for two days because you thought he’d get mad at you, not because of the situation.”

That much was true, he supposed.

“Alright,” she said with gusto, pecking him one last time on the head. “Go round the hooligans. Dinner will be done in a moment.”

He jumped up, feeling lighter than he had in days. His life still royally sucked, but at least for the time being he still had his home.

“Everything okay?” Yoongi asked the moment he flung open the bedroom door.

They were all gathered in a little circle in front of Yoongi’s bed, with Hoseok sitting on top of it. He was bouncing and singing something entirely inappropriate for a child.

“Yeah. It’s cool. Dinner’s almost done.”

“Finally!” Namjoon huffed, his stomach rumbling loudly to agree.

“Here!” Hoseok huffed and shoved the bundle towards him. Jin accepted it without thinking.

He looked down and locked eyes again with the creature that had so changed his life. His wolf quieted almost instantly, finally content to be in the general vicinity of its mate. The others shuffled out of the room and he barely noticed, so enthralled he was by the eyes blinking up at him. The baby was so quiet. Aren’t they supposed to be loud?

And...he supposed as far as infants went he was decent looking. Didn’t look like a potato like some infants he’d seen. His eyes were larger than the rest of the Min’s, and his nose seemed a bit longer. Maybe it was just a baby thing and he had to grow into himself.

All he knew was that he was very glad that all he scented was strawberries and pup, and it just made him protective. He didn’t feel any crazy urges or have bad thoughts - he simply wanted to make sure this pup was safe and happy.

Huh , he could live with that.

“Well, how’d I do?”

He looked up to find Mama Min watching him from the doorway, leaning against it and smiling softly.

“He’s only seven weeks old and already makes Yoongi look like a gremlin,” he scoffed playfully, standing up.

She laughs and holds out her arms. “He is a pretty one. Yoongi’s not so bad either when he sleeps more than four hours and showers.”

He hesitates, his wolf unwilling to release the pup now that he had it. But no, he was more than instincts. He thrust Jungkook towards her and pretended that his wolf wasn't howling against the loss.

Who else would he be safer with than his own mother, you bastard? He growled to himself.

When they gathered for dinner it was the usual chaos. Everyone was screaming and talking over each other, tons of laughter and teasing. Amazing food and even better friends.

Maybe I can keep this, he thought to himself. He smiled hopefully as he observed everyone he cared about sitting around him. Maybe things don’t have to change too much. Jungkook will just be another friend. Eventually. When he learns to talk that is. I can keep on with the plan.

Nothing will change.

[mammonslefttoe]

One Brain Cell Theories: Chapter 17 & 18

There are a few things that may confirm my suspicions and the new chapters have reinforced it. 

SPOILERS AHEAD, please click at your own risk and any input/more theories are welcome! I’m going to try and make this a series. 

This is also a relatively long read so grab some snacks! We diving in boys!!

(This is one of my many theories. One day, I’ll be able to write down what’s happening in my head.) 

TLDR; HUNNY we have to talk about the other human 

A few things to remember before I dive in: 

Solomon has a pact with Barbatos. Solomon has a ring of wisdom and is known to make a pact with larger and more powerful demons. We all know he lowkey wants a pact with Lucifer. 

Lucifer told us not to trust Solomon in Chapter 2 

There’s a possibility Barbatos has tried to poison us with tea, a Mandragora blend. Mandragora has the potential to be fatal, one of the most notable symptoms are hyperactivity and hallucinations. 

When Barbatos sent us back in time, we found out he is extremely OP. He even has the power to look into the past and future. 

Okay now onwards to the only viable explanation I can think of: Barbatos and Solomon are scheming a takeover. (or this really is a messed up “prove yourself” challenge from Diavolo) 

Let’s begin to when shit started to get real. 

A sorta shortened (?) recap of everything that has happened thus far, please feel free to skip if you don’t need it:  

After almost confessing your love to Lucifer and dying in the process Belphie comes down the stairs and its the big reveal, everyone essentially gasps in shock. Beel, Belph, and MC run away to Luke’s joint only to get busted by Dia & Barbatos and they drag away Belphie to throw him in jail for treason (and its implied he gon’ die). Lost and afraid, Beel and MC run back to the House of Lamentation. There we have a really heartfelt scene with all the demon boys and we are determined to storm into Dia’s castle and solve the situation. 

Arriving at Dia’s castle, the pair say they were expecting us. Lucifer stood up to Diavolo & he says please, LOUD AUDIENCE GASP. No matter how much we try to reason, the only way Belphie will be released is if MC goes back into the past alone and figure out who actually opening Belphie’s door. No reason is truly given to this. Diavolo explains that Barbatos has multiple abilities, some of this includes viewing the past & future and, most importantly, time travel. 

As we continue to Barbatos’ room, he is super happy (and creepy) but gives us a very dire warning - do not interact with the past in any way or it will alternate the current timeline. This includes speaking to anyone or being involved in any type of action. If we want to come back to the present, we have to go through the same door that we end up entering through. Then off we go and we land in the middle of Mammon’s room with ALL OF THE BROTHERS sans Lucifer and Belphie. And things go haywire.

As we are running to go up to the attic, we are forced to hide in Lilith’s room, where we have a flashback (or hallucination) of playing hide and seek. Flashback Levi reminds us to go find Belphie. During this time, it is revealed that MC may have been the one to open Belphie’s door and tldr; Belphie kills MC. 

As we lay dying, we are somehow saved by Lilith (our long lost aunt twice removed apparently) and we are outside of our own body...in another one. Dia and Barbatos stroll in saying they knew this would happen & Barbatos did us a favor and revived us using an alternate timeline MC (what). Everyone is pumped we have like 1/10,000,000 genes related to human Lillith and this is their closure. 

Everything seems to be looking up and MC patches things up between Belphie and the other brothers. They throw her a joint party with Diavolo’s birthday party & give her the sweetest gifts. At the end of Chapter 18, Belphie creates a pact with MC. 

This is all fine and dandy but...is it really? 

A few things really popped out during these two recent chapters: 

Belphie is by our side the entire two chapters. Whether this is supposed to signify a new start or something else, it isn’t entirely clear.

Beel and Belph are the only ones that text us during this time. Belphie texts us after every chapter moment. 

Solomon runs into Belph and MC while shopping, randomly asking Belph if he plans on making a pact with MC. Then brazenly offers to make a pact with him instead. Belph refuses vehemently but looks at MC for a reaction. Solomon notices this. 

As Belph gives us a gift of himself (lol same), he mentions how he’s doing this for us and not because of Lilith. 

In the game itself, there’s a completely different game style. MC has more options to speak and the dialogue options have become more brazen. Almost as if...this is a different personality (or could signify MC is more comfortable with them in general). It felt off playing the last two chapters though, for me at least. 

Now onwards to the theory: Solomon is our main antagonist.

In Chapter 2, we are formally introduced to Solomon, the other exchange student. Although the interaction is rushed, we can sense out two things: he’s insanely smart and he’s already comfortable around demons. As he runs off to class, MC runs into Lucifer and we learn a bit more about this mystery boy. 

Apparently, Solomon is a wizard and has a ring of wisdom, which makes him incredibly dangerous. He has pacts with more than 70 demons (I think the exact number was 78 but I might be wrong). Among these demons are Asmodeus and Barbatos. At the end of Lucifer’s explanation, he adds that MC shouldn’t trust Solomon. 

Historically and culturally, Solomon is most known as the “Wise King.” He is also regarded as a fantastical figure, someone who is known to have powers over both angels and demons. 

“According to the Rabbinical literature, on account of his modest request for wisdom only, Solomon was rewarded with riches and an unprecedented glorious realm, which extended over the upper world inhabited by the angels and over the whole of the terrestrial globe with all its inhabitants, including all the beasts, fowl, and reptiles, as well as the demons and spirits. His control over the demons, spirits, and animals augmented his splendor, the demons bringing him precious stones, besides water from distant countries to irrigate his exotic plants. The beasts and fowl of their own accord entered the kitchen of Solomon's palace, so that they might be used as food for him, and extravagant meals for him were prepared daily by each of his 700 wives and 300 concubines, with the thought that perhaps the king would feast that day in her house.” 

Additionally, he was given a ring, known as the “Seal of Solomon,” which gave him the ability to trap demons under his control. 

A magic ring called the "Seal of Solomon" was supposedly given to Solomon and gave him power over demons or Jinn. The magical symbol said to have been on the Seal of Solomon which made it efficacious is often considered to be the Star of David. Asmodeus, king of demons, was one day, according to the classical Rabbis, captured by Benaiah (my note: Benaiah is a human, he was a soldier that helped Solomon rise to power) using the ring, and was forced to remain in Solomon's service. The Seal of Solomon, in some legends known as the Ring of Aandaleeb, was a highly sought after symbol of power. In several legends, different groups or individuals attempted to steal it or attain it in some manner.

And this is a potential plot in our story.

MC is, of course, the main protagonist of the story. We typically are. But there was never a clear antagonist. Or maybe he was playing along with our situation, a wolf in sheep's clothing? 

We all know Levi’s strangely long anime names are a strange foreshadowing of the future. We have: 

Though all titles seem to have a connection with our current plot, I’m going to focus on the first one, which seems to have the most implications regarding our current situation. I also have a sneaking suspicion that the second image with the two titles might be a backstory for Barbatos but that’s another story that I cannot fully prove yet. The third title also refers to a legend regarding Asmo and Solomon.

The first title seems...has quite obvious implications when recounting the events of chapters 15 - 18. Halfway through our journey, here we are, thrust into an alternate timeline, alone and scared but we end up making a pact with...our sixth demon? And this isn’t just a regular demon, this is one of the deadly sins. So now we have 6/7 demon brothers under our power, some of the most powerful demons in Devildom. It’s alarming how quickly MC is able to gain the trust of these demons, effectively creating pacts in the course of...maybe a few months? 

What alarms me the most is how fast Belphie turned from, quite literally, killing us to making a pact with us in a course of 3 chapters. This brings me to my first suspicion in SoloBarb’s plot: This timeline is the only timeline where MC is able to make a pact with Belphie. All other timelines do not reflect this. This placement was 100% intentional from the start. 

It is a known fact that Barbatos is able to view time and its events. It’s revealed this extends to alternate timelines when saving MC. If he is this powerful, wouldn’t he be able to simply look back in the past and find out who opened Belph’s door without the need for MC? This would be the easiest and most direct solution. 

SIDENOTE: Keep in mind, part of the reason Barbatos could not stop the Belphie situation from happening is due to Diavolo’s restriction. Barbatos states that “Diavolo has forbidden him from using his powers freely.” HOWEVER, it then leads to the question: who really has the most control over Barbatos, Diavolo or Solomon? Traditionally, when pacts are made, it means that the demon is completely under the control of the individual but does it outweigh an authority figure? In my opinion, Solomon technically has the most power fo Barbatos. Solomon’s pact with Barbatos = a magically restrictive bond while Diavolo’s rule over Barbatos = a matter of respect of authority. There is no physically restrictive bond Diavolo has on Barbatos.

Also considering how cunning Solomon is, he could have easily manipulated Diavolo into this entire plan as well.

In addition, Solomon’s strangely direct question, asking Belphie if he was going to make a pact with MC, was alarming. It was as if he was proving his own theory: the demon brothers will make a pact with MC and never him. He seemed almost satisfied with this answer and didn’t seem to protest against it too much. Couple this with Solomon’s constant approval when MC makes pacts with the demon brothers during her stay, its...disconcerting. 

Omg he even says “If you change your mind” what kind of creepy

If we consider all of this, it truly does seem as if Solomon is our potential antagonist. It seems to me that everything is pointing at him. He’s quiet enough for us to overlook and disregard as a side character, though he seems to have a certain unnerving edge to him. My god, the demons are even wary of him. If that wasn’t the biggest tip-off, idk what is. 

Also physically, we have yet to hear his entire backstory in the game or have a chapter dedicated to him. So far, in terms of side characters, we have ample interaction with Diavolo and Luke (still waiting on Simeon) but no deep dives into Solomon and Barbatos. (Which means >.> we’ll get them in later chapters) 

This brings me to the next question: so how is MC a chess piece in his plot? 

Hey, remember that RANDOM moment Solomon lent out his power during Diavolo’s house party. AND NO ONE QUESTIONED IT. Honestly, what the hell was that all about?

In regards to this, why did he do this? Some answers include: he did it for shits and giggles, he wanted to test out the theory of us having powerful magic in our bloodline, or he wanted a test run. Yeah. You heard me. A test run. 

Prior to this, MC was unable to truly summon a demon on their own. The most she could do was give out a pretty strong verbal command and the demon (Mammon lol) must carry it out. However, MC cannot fully utilize the pact’s potential due to her lack of innate magic ability. 

This is both an affirmation and leverage for Solomon’s situation. On one end, it’s confirmed that MC has huge magic potential and can properly use it when needed. On the other end, this can be a bargaining tool for the future...

Which could lead to a large plot development: Once MC gains all seven pacts (c’mon, it is going to be impossible to not make a pact with Lucifer), what will they use it for? 

MY PREDICTION: Solomon will attempt to manipulate MC into his control. Magic is powerful in this game but so are humans. A human was the reason Lilith was going to be punished by God. Solomon, a human, has power and control over 70+ demons. Belphegor was set on destroying only the human world. MC has pacts with the, arguably, the strongest demons in Devildom who are also formerly fallen angels. 

From what I’ve seen so far, nothing is more powerful than a pact. And nothing is more powerful than human manipulation. 

What will he use MC’s powers for? ...I have a sneaking feeling it might be to overthrow Diavolo based on Solomon’s cultural legend. Solomon famously has power over Asmo, the king of demons. Of course, we know the Asmo in our game is not the king but Diavolo is. Obey me! has a funny way of interpreting these legends in a unique way. Who knows if they split up Asmo into two different entities. 

but who tf really knows what’s going on

BUT

I guess we’ll have to see what happens in later chapters. Of course, this is all really a far fetch theory but there seem to be so many underlying connections to Solomon in the game. I mean ffs, he’s the only other human here and he’s SOLOMON. The very character itself is so suspicious. 

THIS ENTIRE THING COULD ALSO BE A MESSED UP CHALLENGE FROM DIAVOLO 

OR SOME CRAZY HALLUCINATION CAUSED BY BARBATOS GIVING US THAT SUS TEA BLEND

But tbh who really knows what’s happening. The only confirmed thing is that we’re still on this alternate timeline (that MC totally messed up) and we haven’t returned to our OG timeline. lucifer please pick me up I’m scared 

If you made it this far, you are SUCH A TROOP. I hope this actually has a consistent flow and it makes sense. If you have any questions or observations I didn’t include please feel free to message me! I’m open to discussion! 

A big s/o to wikipedia for the quick info on Solomon (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solomon#Seal_of_Solomon) and a thank you to @the-orizon​ for the screenshots & amazing info! Love you!

[gyll-yee-haw]

Chapter 1

Professor!Jake x Reader

Series information

Series masterlist

---

I would write you a poem, my love.

(For you - Passenger)

---

You drove home feeling like the most stupid person who has ever lived.

You felt like a child who didn’t know teachers had a life when they weren’t in class.

Like he only existed in your daydreams when you couldn’t see him.

Like he waited all week to come alive to you every Tuesday.

Since when did Mr. Gyllenhaal has children? He never mentioned them.

He’s not married. You paid too much attention to his hands to miss a detail like a fucking golden ring.

This is not the 19th century, though. Maybe he just had a girlfriend. Maybe he was divorced. 

It didn’t matter to you. It wasn’t about what you saw, but the realization that he loves or already loved someone else that killed you. And you were so angry at yourself for feeling like that. You had loved other men before him. And he was probably... 10 years older than you? Maybe less, maybe more. But it was pretty obvious he had his own life. 

He was nothing but a teacher you were supposed to forget in a few months.

Maybe that was it. You would prepare yourself to lose him as the semester ended, but you weren’t ready to do it now.

When you entered your apartment, you didn’t feel like doing anything. All you really had to do was wake up from that stupid fairytale.

---

When you heard your alarm and opened your eyes, you wished that any kind of miracle had happened and it wasn’t Tuesday. Maybe you slept for 24 hours straight and it was Wednesday already. But you checked your phone and it said it was Tuesday.

Then you thought about skipping class. Only for a day, it wouldn’t hurt...

But what would happen the next Tuesday? And then the next one?

Sooner or later you would have to see him again. So it would be better to just end this quickly.

---

You got to college early to find a seat in the back. If you looked as terrible as you felt, you didn’t want Mr. Gyllenhaal to notice. 

You sat there in silence, opening your book at a random page, so you would look busy and no one would talk to you.

“Hey.” Wes interrupted your inner drama after a few minutes. “I almost didn’t find you when I arrived, why are you sitting here?”

“Headache.” You lied. You knew Wes already thought your crush was ridiculous, if he knew all the pain you were going through at that moment, he would probably want to punch you. And you knew you deserved it.

“Well...” He sighed and took a seat beside you when he heard the bell ring. “It’s gonna pass real soon. There he comes.”

When you looked at the door and saw Mr. Gyllenhaal walking in, your heart started to hurt again. So you decided to look at your book, at the floor, at anything but him for the next couple hours.

But you couldn’t help it... you started to pay attention to his clothes, to his bag, checked his left hand again, anything that could give you a clue about his personal life.

And your head started to wonder way too far. You wondered if he ever had his heart broken. How many women had the privilege to be touched by him? What did they look like? Was he a good father? Something inside you told you he was a great father. 

---

When the bell rang, you felt relieved. Now you would have an entire week to heal. To forget about him completely.

“Are you feeling better?” Wes asked, grabbing his stuff to leave.

“Yeah.” You lied again. 

The class was getting empty really fast, or you were grabbing your stuff really slow, cause silence soon filled the room. You thought there was only Wes and you left, when you heard Mr. Gyllenhaal’s voice say:

“Hey, Y/N. Can I speak to you for a second?”

A shiver ran down your spine. You looked at Wes and he was just as confused as you.

“See you later, then?” He shrugged as he started to walk towards the door, while you mentally begged him to stay. If this all happened last week, you would be beyond excited. But right now, you just wanted to run.

When you realized it was only you and the professor left in class, you grabbed your bag and approached him, looking at the floor.

“Are you okay?" He asked, sounding really worried. “You didn’t seem to be able to focus today.”

“I’m sorry, professor.” You gave him a weak smile. “I’m just tired. But I’m fine.”

“Really?” He insisted. “You sat pretty far from me, but I could see that your book was on the wrong page.”

“I didn’t sleep well.” You felt the shame deep in your stomach.

Shame for both the way you acted in class and the way you acted the day before. Shame to be standing in front of him at that very moment wanting to cry like a woman who had just been cheated on.

He didn’t believe your words. He didn’t fully understand why he felt like he knew you that well, but he simply did. So he thought for a second before saying:

“Come with me.”

You weren’t sure why, but you followed him outside. If he was going to give you a “disappointment speech” or ask you to try harder next time, he would simply do it right there, so what was he going to do?

He led you to the garden near the building's entrance and looked around when he stopped.

“You’re not gonna tell anyone, will you?” He asked laughing a little.

You had absolutely no idea what he was talking about. He didn’t know what was going on inside your head at that moment. You just wanted to push him away screaming YOU. YOU. YOU. YOU ARE MY PROBLEM. But you just shook your head.

He opened his bag and started looking for something. When you saw a pair of scissors in his hand, you swore you couldn’t get any more confused. He used them to cut a rose from the garden.

“Come closer, let me show you something.” He smiled and you approached slowly. “Give me you hand, but be careful.”

You offered him your hand and he gently placed the rose on your palm. Your eyes met his as he did that and you melted, wondering if he ever showed up at someone’s house bringing them flowers.

“Today I was telling the class about the challenges of teaching Botany.” He told you. “Did you hear that part?”

“I-” You tried to remember, but you really didn’t hear a word he said that day. “I’m sorry, I don’t think so.”

“It’s fine, I’ll tell you now, then.” His smile never left his face, and he was talking to you the sweetest way he could. “We grow up listening to music and reading poetry and if there’s something artists like to talk about is flowers, right? Maybe that’s why we don’t pay attention to other structures that are just as beautiful... well, at least for me.”

You chuckled and it warmed his heart. He knew there was something bothering you that day and he was glad he could get your mind out of it for a minute.

“And it also makes people call those structures by the wrong name.” He continued. “For example, we only think roses have thorns because society believes ‘prickles’ isn’t a poetic word.”

“So... today’s class was a manifesto against social conventions? Sounds interesting.” You joked. He really made the atmosphere a little lighter. “Let’s be real, there aren’t too many pretty words that rhyme with prickles.”

“Okay, the poets are forgiven.” He laughed. “But my students don’t have to rhyme during the tests.”

“Good point, sir.” you shrugged.

“Please, just call me Jake.” He asked.

“Jake.” You nodded. It sounded silly, but it was some kind of new intimacy for you not having to treat him with formalities, even though you knew he never liked them anyway.

There was a moment of awkward silence and you tried your best to keep your eyes on the flower, because you could feel that his were on your face.

“So...” He cleared his throat. “Like I was saying...”

He proceeded to explain the difference between thorns and prickles. You really tried to pay attention this time, but your mind drifted away and focused on the way his hand softly brushed yours as he tried to show you the things he was talking about, using the rose in your hand. You also couldn’t stop wondering why he was doing all this. He had just said all of that in front of 50 students, but he realized that one of them wasn’t listening, so he decided to do it all again. It would be so much easier to not fall in love if he wasn’t so good to you.

“I mean...” He interrupted your thoughts. “I couldn’t give you all the details I mentioned in class earlier, cause I don’t want you to lose your entire break, but I hope it helped.”

“Mr. Gyl... Jake.” You were still not used to this new intimacy. Or at least, what you wanted to believe was intimacy. “I honestly don’t have words to thank you. But you know you didn’t have to do this.”

“Can I be honest with you? About the reason why I did this?” He sighed. Your heart started to beat faster, even though you tried to keep your expectations low. “I know many people are in my class exclusively for the credits. So, I don’t really care if they learn something or not, it’s their choice. But I know you’re different. I enjoy reading your essays. You’re very creative and perceptive. You know... there’s like... a group of 5 or 6 students that I would love to work on a project on my lab with. And I can’t have the number one of them missing a single detail.”

His number one. If only he knew how badly he was hurting you by saying nice things. You had to hold back the tears and decided to hide your emotions behind a joke:

“So... what am I supposed to not tell anyone? That you stole a flower from the garden or that you have a ‘number one’?”

“I guess we have two secrets now.” He laughed. “See you next week, Y/N?”

You nodded and handed him the rose.

“Keep it.” He smiled. “I can’t keep any evidence of my crimes.”

With that, he put his scissors back in his bag and walked away after giving you one last smile.

You looked at the rose and felt a single tear rolling down your cheek. It was so unfair to be special to someone for the “wrong” reasons. You knew the reasons you wanted to be special to him for were the actual wrong ones. But you would let him torture you with his own reasons forever.

---

Taglist! (Pls let me know if I forgot someone, I'm not a very organized person... or if you still want to be added!)

@lady-evans @shay-vaughn  @sogothiamdead  @paosesposts @baby-haz  @billyspotato @gyllenhaalstories ​ @lexie-wayland @gaymysterio

[haosvteen]

Betcha | lee chan

a/n: i drew a little bit of inspiration for this from ‘betcha’ by baekhyun, so that explains the title!! this is one of my favorite things i’ve written in a long time :) i hope you like it!! <3

college!chan x female!reader

~ - fluff

word count: 2.8k

masterlist

A warm burst of air greets you as you swing open the door of the stone building, looking down at your watch to see how much time was left before your class started. Since there were five minutes until your professor would begin rambling on about motifs in classic literature, you decided to walk down the hall a bit to grab a drink from the vending machine. Your shoes squeaked on the glossy tile floor due to the freshly melting snow you obtained on your walk from your apartment, causing a few students leaning against the walls waiting for their classes to look up at you. Ignoring their looks, you approach the vending machine and swipe your card. Prepared to make a selection, you hear loud laughter coming down the hall on your right. 

Turning your head, you’re met with the image of a group of rambunctious boys joking down the hallway towards you. They were laughing and shouting so loudly that everyone in the building probably heard them. In the center of it all was Lee Chan. Gosh, the way all of his friends were doting over him and hanging onto his every word was enough to make you scoff and shift your focus back onto what drink you’d be choosing from the vending machine. 

You heard several girls whispering to each other saying things like “What I’d do for Lee Chan to just look at me” and “One time he held the door for me at the library, I haven’t stopped thinking about it since”. Hearing them talk like that made you physically ill. He’s just a person, a human being...and he isn’t that special anyway. You’ll admit that he’s attractive, you’d be lying if you said anything other than that. He also is quite intelligent, always earning A’s on his essays in the class you share.  But his personality is just...yuck. The way he never pays attention in class, constantly on his phone texting whatever girl he is baiting that week with no reprimand from the professor. The constant offers from all girls on campus to perform every task and errand for him. The general lack of care for anyone, but himself...he’s not really your favorite individual on campus to say the least. 

Not to mention the way he always tries to one-up you in class. You’ll proudly own up to the fact that you’re a good student, amazing even. You pay attention, never miss a class, and raise your hand almost always to answer any question the professor throws your way. But every time, Chan just has to go and say the exact same answer as you, just in a better way. Of course, causing him to receive all the praise from your professor and earning an adoring gaze from the girls in the class. There are no words to describe how much this infuriates you. Especially the cocky smirk he throws your way after the professor says, “Great answer, Chan, I couldn’t have said it better myself!”. 

As the frustration due to your thoughts grew, you were ripped away as someone leaned up against the vending machine, mere inches from where you were standing. Speak of the devil. 

“Hey, Y/N, ready for class today?” Chan asks you, with that same cocky smirk on his face that you’ve, unfortunately, grown so used to seeing. As if the sight of his lips raising is a trigger for you, a fire starts deep within you, annoyance, and frustration growing every second you’re in his presence. Rolling your eyes, you ignore him and raise your hand to press the button on the machine and finally make your selection. Before you had the chance for your finger to collide with the plastic, Chan beat you to it and pressed the glowing white button for mint tea.

Speechless, you simply scoffed and looked at him with wide eyes, not believing he just did that. Who does that?! “Take it easy, babe. Don’t act so offended, you know you were going to get mint tea anyway. You get it almost every day before class,” Chan says casually, leaning his head back against the machine, chewing the gum in his mouth with a smile.

As much as you hate to admit it to yourself, he was right. You were going to get the mint tea, it’s your favorite...and it’s a little weird that he knew that. Just to spite him, you respond, “Actually, I was going to get strawberry milk today, but I guess I’ll have to settle for this instead since you took it upon yourself to decide for me”. The annoyance in your voice was evident, but if Chan noticed, he didn’t let it show on his face. He leans down and grabs the bottle of tea out of the machine, not breaking eye contact with you the whole time. The tension could be cut with a knife and you knew his group of friends standing several feet away and the group of girls gawking at you both could feel it as well.

Standing up, he extends the bottle towards you saying, “Then let me make it up to you then” with yet another cocky smirk, paired his eyes trailing your body up and down. Your face twists into a look that says ‘That was the cringiest thing I’ve ever heard, also I am incredibly grossed out’. 

“Uh, no thanks,” you say, grabbing the mint tea from his hand and walking down the hallway, hearing his friends teasing him by saying, “Oooo” and no doubt giving him joking punches on the shoulder. 

Your mind was a scrambled mess from the interaction you just had. Who does he think he is? Does he think every girl on this campus is begging for his attention?! In all honesty, you wish he would just ignore you so you wouldn’t have to deal with his antics and casual flirtation. It infuriates you to no end and quite honestly keeps you up at night thinking about how he believes he runs this campus. 

Making your way into the classroom, you quickly slide into your unassigned-assigned seat in the front row, trying to pull out your notebook and pen all while attempting to organize your thoughts and irritation about whatever that conversation was you just had. You let out a large sigh as you flip to the next open page in your notebook and the professor begins class, giving you a scolding look for the huff of air you let out to express your exasperation. As you begin to jot down some general notes about what the prof is saying, you notice he who must not be named enters the classroom.

 “Oh, Chan! I’m glad you could make it,” your professor cheerily says as Chan saunters in.

“Wouldn’t miss it,” Chan responds, flashing a bright smile. This causes yet another heavy breath to leave you as you shake your head at your professor’s naivety and how simple it is for him to be charmed. You realize Chan is making his way over to pass you in order to find his own seat. Looking down at your notebook to continue taking writing and ignoring the close proximity of your least favorite person, you notice something is slid onto your desk as he walks by.

Strawberry milk.

You couldn’t help the blush that crept up your face. You quickly grab it, tossing it into your backpack, hoping no one saw. Confusion and shock flood your head as you simply stare at the board in front of you. What was his goal with that? Probably another one of his flirtation tactics, no doubt. Did that actually work on other girls?! The bar is so low, apparently. You turn around to hopefully catch Chan’s gaze and give him a confused and weirded out expression, but when you turn around he’s simply leaned back in his chair, listening to the professor, seemingly bored out of his mind. You know he knows you’re looking at him and is just refusing to meet your eyes. Narrowing your eyes at him, you whip your head back around to focus on the lecture. There is no way you were going to let Lee Chan of all people distract you.

As the class was drawing to a close, your professor announced, “I’m trying something new for the final this semester. Instead of taking an exam, as students have done in the past, I’m going to be placing you into groups to complete a presentation”. He was met with groans from students like you who would just prefer to study on their own and get it over with by taking a test, but there were also silent celebrations from students who think that a group project means less work for them. However, only one thought was racing through your mind:

Do not put me with Lee Chan.

“I will go ahead and read off who your partners are, then you will be dismissed. The directions for this assignment will be posted on our class website later tonight and we’ll discuss it more next time we meet. Well, I won’t keep you waiting”, he explains and begins to read off the names. It’s embarrassing to admit but you were literally hiding your hands in your sleeves and crossing your fingers that you wouldn’t be paired with Chan. It might seem dramatic and a drastic measure to take. He can’t be that bad, right? Wrong. You’d heard rumors about his poor work ethic in group projects. That combined with his overall playboy aura is not a good match for you. 

“Lee Chan and Y/N Y/L/N,” your professor says. It’s like your mind is frozen. Of course, this would happen to you. Just your luck. You didn’t even pay attention to the final words your professor had to say before wrapping up class because you were dreading having to do an entire project all by yourself.

As you closed your notebook and began to pack away your things, you felt someone standing near you. With a sigh, you look up knowing exactly who it is.

There he was, standing with his hands in his jean pockets and that cocky smirk making yet another appearance. Rolling your eyes, you sling your backpack over your shoulder and stand up, grabbing your phone.

“What’s your number?” you bluntly ask, not so much as a question and more of a demand.

“Oh, how the tables have turned,” Chan says with a laugh, grabbing your phone to enter his number in. His fingertips grazed your hand as he gently took it from your grasp. You’d never admit that it made your heart skip a beat or two, though.

He finishes typing in his number and as he is handing your phone back, he suggests, “Let’s get lunch or something to talk about the project”. You started walking away from him halfway through his sentence, causing him to trail off at the end. 

“No,” you call out as you walk out of the classroom. “I’ll text you.”

Not going to lie, you kind of felt like a badass. Chan deserved a taste of his own medicine and you’re just the lucky person who gets to give it to him. 

You make your way to a local coffee shop a little way down the road, mentally preparing to deal with customers and make beverages until the late hours of the night. Entering the backroom to set your things down and tie your apron on, making your way out to behind the counter to begin your workday.

The hours dragged on and on, filled with heating up pastries and making cappuccinos until it was 10:30pm and there were only thirty minutes left until close. There were a few people in the shop, working on their laptops, or having a chat with a friend. It was around this time of night, you started to clean up behind the counter and prepare everything for those who open the store the next morning.

You bent down to grab a square bucket from under the counter and a damp rag, heading over to clear off several tables from customers who had recently left. As you’re placing some plates into the bucket, you hear the doorbell jingle, signaling that someone has entered.

“One moment, I’ll be with you in-” you begin, but look up to see Chan. You suck in a sharp breath of air as he walks toward you with that damn smirk on his face. You continue to gather the dishes from the table, hoping that maybe he would just go wait by the register. Wishful thinking on your part as he comes over puts a hand on the table, leaning on it and tilting his head to get a better look at you.

“What do you want, Chan?” you monotonously say, not drifting your attention from clearing the table.

“Well, I tried texting you, but you didn’t respond,” he explains.

“Uh, yeah because I’m working,” you respond matter-of-factly. You finish wiping down the table and lift up the bucket to go over to the next table. Chan takes the bucket from your hands and you look at him with the most confused expression, but he just motions for you to go on to the next table. You shake your head in more confusion, but accept it and go on with him trailing behind you, hauling the heavy bucket of dishes.

“Yeah, that’s why I came here,” he continues the conversation as he sets the bucket down on the next table. You stop cleaning and look at him with yet another confused expression. How does he even know you work here? He must have been able to tell what you were thinking by the look on your face because he says, “I like coming here and I see you here, so”. 

No matter how weirded out or confused you were, you carried on, “Why did you even need to talk to me in the first place?”

“Oh, I already have our presentation outlined and in a PowerPoint. We just have to do some research and put it all together,” he casually says. You don’t know who said that he has a poor work ethic in group projects, but apparently, they were wrong. 

“Thanks,” you respond simply and head back behind the counter, with Chan following you yet again. 

“We’re meeting on Thursday at 4:00 to finish it,” he says as he lifts the glass cake stand and grabs a blueberry muffin, starting to dig in. 

Rolling your eyes, you reply, “Thursday doesn’t work for me. I also hope you’re planning on playing for that”.

“Oh, no, I figured it was on the house,” he sarcastically teases. You give him a stern gaze and he continues, “Of course I’m going to pay for it, I don’t want to get you in trouble or anything”. You don’t know why, but that made you kind of...blush. And you hoped he didn’t see.

“Anyway, why can’t you do Thursday?” he casually says, still picking chunks off of the muffin and eating them.

“I have plans, Chan. News flash: the world doesn’t revolve around you,” you retort as you begin to clean the coffee machines.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s your world, I’m just living in it,” he says as if it didn’t mean anything. What did it mean? It’s not like people just say that casually. At least you’ve never heard people say that about people casually. You barely had any time to think more about it when you heard him say a little quieter, “Do you have a date or something on Thursday?”

Your heart began to race...and what for?? Was he...jealous? Why would he be asking if you had a date? Why would he care? “No, I don’t have a date,” you respond. At that, you see Chan’s head perk up.

“Okay, well how about Wednesday, then? I could do like...5:00?” he says.

“Yeah, that works,” you reply, looking towards him and giving him a small smile. A facial expression you never thought you’d be giving Lee Chan. There was just something about the way his eyes lit up...and that damn smirk…

“Alright, then,” he says while reaching into his pocket and pulling out a bill, placing it on the counter to pay for the muffin he took. Making his way to the front of the shop to exit, he turned around to say, “It’s a date”. 

And there you are, left a blushing mess behind the counter. Waiting for Wednesday at 5:00.

[happytsukki]

Can I req 51 and 94 for Ushijima pls!! 😊

thank you for requesting!! this is my first request and i was so nervous with how it would turn out but i would say i’m pleased with it :)

i think ushi can be a bit hard to characterize properly so i hope i did him some justice

&& i didn’t mean to drag it in for so long ugh i can’t write anything less than 1k i swear

— RED

pairing: time skip! ushijima x f! reader

prompt: “pretend to be my date, just for tonight please.” + “wanna hear something funny? i think i’m falling for you.”

wc: 1.6k

includes goshiki + ushijima time skip

ushijima despises losing. whether it be the volleyball match that led his team to nationals or another childish game of rock paper scissors with kageyama over who would have to stay behind after practice to clean, he would much rather indulge in the taste of victory.

this situation was no different.

“i bet you and kageyama won’t bring dates to the banquet tomorrow,” hoshiumi teased, a satisfying smile dancing on his lips after kageyama groans out of annoyance.

amid the boys’ childish bickering, ushijima ponders long and hard. if this really was a bet, then he was not going to be the one to lose, especially to kageyama and hoshiumi. losing to them was a humiliation that he was ready to take all measures to avoid. surely finding a date wouldn’t be that hard if he already had someone in mind.

“no. i have a date.”

his voice echoes through the busy locker room, falling onto the ears of his older, much more experienced teammates. their locker room talk about their own personal lives shifts onto the focus ushijima’s ‘mystery’ date.

“ushijima is bringing a date!”

“huh..i must say, i’m impressed.”

“you didn’t tell us you had a girlfriend, ushiwaka.”

now that the entire schweiden adlers team seemed to be well aware of ushijima’s date to the banquet tomorrow, he couldn’t back out. how embarrassing it would be if he arrived without a date adorning his arm. he would never hear an end to it, knowing how shameless his seniors were when it came to teasing the newcomers to the team.

⋆┈┈｡ﾟ❃ུ۪ ❀ུ۪ ❁ུ۪ ❃ུ۪ ❀ུ۪ ﾟ｡┈┈⋆

“i what?”

ushijima clears his throat, “pretend to be my date, just for tonight.” he showcases his signature, stoic expression except his fierceness is replaced by uncertainty. “please.”

you take a long sip of your matcha green tea, compliments of the miracle boy seated in front of you at the moment. ushijima was no stranger to you, but neither was he your best friend. during high school, you were practically tied to the hip with tendou, which also just happened to be ushijima’s best friend.

hangouts of two turned into a party of three and while you couldn’t deny that you were fascinated by the complexity of the ace, you always kept it to yourself. maybe it was the way that he lived and breathed volleyball, his presence on the court easily domineering any competitor. or maybe it was how unintentionally funny he was off the court; always making you giggle at his struggle to understand idioms or how long it took him to read tendou’s mangas because he read the ads as well.

after high school, the two of you naturally lost touch, so it was indeed a shock for him to reach out after all this time.

“do i look like some sort of escort to you?” you narrow your eyes at him, leaning forward to the other side of the table.

“i don’t know what an escort is, nor do i know what they look like,” he says, reaching for his phone to do a quick google search.

then you laugh. ushijima’s eyes immediately dart from his phone back to you, the corners of his lips up turning to the familiarity of that sweet tune.

“i’m only kidding, ushijima.” you chuckled cheerfully. “but what’s in it for me?”

“ah, i see,” he says, scratching the back of his neck and pulling his thick-padded wallet out from his pocket.

your hands shoot out, pressing him to put away his wallet, “not what i meant,” you reassure him. “ i meant more like...how about you treat me for dinner one of these days?”

ushijima is beyond perplexed. he’s not exactly sure why you wouldn’t accept the money if you wanted dinner. he was more than willing to pay you 100,000 yen which could buy almost a week’s worth of dinner, but he decided against asking and simply nodded along to your terms.

“deal. see you tonight then.”

⋆┈┈｡ﾟ❃ུ۪ ❀ུ۪ ❁ུ۪ ❃ུ۪ ❀ུ۪ ﾟ｡┈┈⋆

“wow.”

those are the only words to escape ushijima’s lips once his eyes fall onto your figure.

you’re dressed in a little black dress with matching red bottom louboutins, topped off with a classic red lip.

“um...are we gonna get going soon?” you prodded in the passenger seat of his car.

ushijima didn’t even notice how long he seemed to be fixated on your lips but he shakes himself out of it, hoping that you don’t notice the same color scattering his cheeks.

once you arrive at the banquet, you’re greeted with a parade of hoots and hollers which seem to come from his teammates.

“wait, ushijima you actually brought a date? we thought you were kidding.” remarked a man far older than ushijima.

“i do not lie. i told you i would.” ushijima dismisses their banter, rather placing his hand on your lower back to guide you away from the overwhelming attention.

“OI, USHIJIMA YOU HAVE A DATE? IS SHE YOUR GIRLFRIEND?” a shorter boy with light-colored hair approaches from behind. “that means you beat kageyama ha! look at him over there, no date.”

he points a finger towards an empty table where a black-haired boy is situated, boredom seemingly overcoming him as he plays with his salad.

“y/n, this is hoshiumi, one of our outside hitters.”

hoshiumi flashes you a smile and rather than a handshake, he places a small peck on your hand and winks at you.

“so are you dating?”

“actually y/n is—“ ushijima begins, but before he can continue you cut him off.

“yes, of course. why else would i be here?” you chuckle. hoshiumi’s bright demeanor immediately deflates and he waddles away, a pout glued on his face.

relief washes over ushijima as he watches hoshiumi walk away, but he’s not sure why. “you didn’t have to y/n.”

“go big or go home, right?” you shrug nonchalantly, interlacing your fingers with his to drag him to the nearest table.

the rest of the night reminds you of high school, except without tendou. this time it’s just you and ushijima. you think maybe you’ve changed since then, transforming from someone that was once too timid to raise their hand in class to a top student in university.

but ushijima? he hasn’t changed at all, his body might’ve grown bigger and taller, but he was still the volleyball-loving dork you came to know.

“i missed you.” he blurts out, instantly catching you off guard that you almost chock on water. “are you okay?”

you were so not okay.

how could he just say that like it was nothing? what was it supposed to mean?

“i’m fine,” you smile at a worried ushijima after recomposing yourself. “what do you mean ‘you missed me?’” you question.

“tendou talks about you a lot when i call,” he explains. “i just thought...we’re in the same city but we never catch up or talk anymore. are we still friends?”

you’ve always thought of ushijima as a friend but you also assumed that he thought you were just “tendou’s friend." 

“oh my god, of course, we’re friends ushi!” you beam and you can’t help but notice his faint smile. “i guess it has been a while, huh? so tell me everything.”

ushijima tells you of his professional volleyball career after high school. from the big accomplishments like winning league to the smallest victories such as when he watches goshiki play in his first v-league game.

he listens intently as you explain your part-time job at an editing company all while you study hard during your last year of university.

unfortunately, his teammates jump in and steal him away from you. rather than sitting idly by, you decide to take a breather on the rooftop.

you climb up the flights of stairs and take in the scenery.

an inky canopy of the endless abyss you and your thoughts. you peek over the ledge, sighing loudly while your brain edged the brink of exploding.

“i was scared you left.” a voice pants from the doorframe, there, ushijima stands, breathless and sweating.

he joins you by your side, silently gazing in awe at the sky.

“wanna know something funny?” you breathe, turning your head towards ushijima, who is far too focused on the millions of glistening freckles of light scattering the night sky. “i think i’m falling for you.”

his breath hitches in his throat and he swears he can hear his heart pounding behind his ribcage. his eyes slowly shift from the stars to you, already peering up at him.

his eyes wander the expression on your face, from your slightly parted crimson lips to the liquid pools of adoration that begged him to take the jump.

so he did.

he leans down, hands resting below your ears as he gently caresses your cheek before he rushes in to press his lips against yours. it’s delicate and soft with a tinge of inexperience, but it didn’t matter. a wave of warmth washes over you, and soon your arms find their way around his neck to deepen the kiss, leaving no space between your bodies.

ushijima’s lips feel like a dream, and as they connect, electricity rushes through your body, making you feel as if you could short circuit right there and then. breathlessly, you two pull away from each other.

with foreheads still resting on each other, “maybe i’m falling for you too,” ushijima whispers, a grin etched across his face.

your eyes widen, looking down at his swollen lips, your hands rummage through your purse for a napkin. “oh no, ushi, your lips are all red from my lipstick.” you laugh.

“i don’t mind,” ushijima states, his arm wrapping around your waist to pull you in once again.

[cutegirlmayra]

When your tired after a 16hr shift yesterday so you rant about Sonic and explain why aggressive writing vs. neutral writing helps with sharing ideas

Me and my online Sonic friend talking about Belle.  (I’m skipping some dialogue throughout the chat, this was lazily put together lol)

WARNING: It’s long, and it’s a rant. So please note that I’m blatantly aware of how wrong my aggressive, sleep-deprived rant was and that I’m stating “DON’T PRESENT YOUR IDEAS LIKE THIS!” because this is not a healthy nor effective way of sharing ideas.

ALSO, ALL THE MENTIONS OF WHAT I BELIEVE MY FRIEND IS FEELING OR THINKING DURING MY RANT ARE ENTIRELY MY OPINON. If she tells me to delete something or change it I will without hesitation but I find it funny, as I look back, to insert what I think might be going on in her mind XD She might have been oblivious to me but I’ll get her thoughts and change anything if necessary.

It’s also how most trolls and antis and even some ‘not experienced writers’ write their ideas out, and it can be easily avoided by using Neutral Writing Methods. So this is a ‘don’t do this, but try this’ post. Enjoy my badly written, sleepy aggressive rant~<3 (Also, my friend gave me permission to share this lol)

Me: She could be for entertaining little kids. But we already have too many OCs, and they're not 'dying off' any time soon so...I smell a mini-series backup plan...and I don't like what that means for Sonic. And it is cute, sorry, my brain is off the hook right now, I'll keep things to myself cause you may not like what I'm predicting and I'm getting sad thinking about it ;-; so, want to be wrong.

(Friend mentioned “Tinker Bell” spin on name.)

That's precious, but can I get a link to the reference sheet plz? Reference sheets can tell a lot about a chara's functionality if you compare it to the 'needs' of the casts. it can help predict their role. I think she's meant to help but also entertain the kids, maybe planted with a secret. Her goal could be to come back to Mr. Tinker but Eggman abuses that and tricks her into a new robot. I got a weird theory about her but I'll just say that she's probably gonna go a bit dark. But be cute and make the audience go, "Aww, poor thing! She's a cinnamon roll" at first, wonder if they'll equip her with 'happy backstory, tragic ending' kinda thing to switch the usual 'tragic backstory happy ending' but I feel this is a tragic character meant to pull emotion out.

(Friend understands my concerns but mentions there hasn’t been a ‘Bad’ Oc for the comic)

No one sets out to create a 'bad character' especially professional writers like these guys. But what makes a character 'bad' is if you ruin or oversaturate their purposes. If she's a main character that over-shines others with too much story then the audience feels 'betrayed' because they want that screen time for the main casts to express themselves and shine through. That's just an example. When working with IPs like Sonic casts, you HAVE to remember the fanbase is expecting things Do you like my OCs? be honest lol Not from my prompts. There's a specific way to handle a OC that helps the main cast shine and reveals their characters more. AU Ocs help Canon Characters in many ways.

(Friend admits they have not seen my OCs in some of my fanfictions, they’ve only really read my prompts.)

Oh, well, some of my fanfictions have OCs, not Lavinya, she's just a mascot. My Sonic OC that retried XD Sorry, I'm misspelling a lot but I hope you don't mind, my spellcheck sucks and I've given up on it lol Oh, so you don't know Harmony, Ol'Wizzy, and Data?Or the Metal Series? Well, there are specific Ocs that my readers like and they express/compliment the canon characters to where even though they're a main character, they don't intervene with the Main Cast's goals. They actually help. Then everything I'm gonna say won't have much merit so I'll just focus on waiting to see if my predictions for Sonic IDW will come true, but I really hope they don't do what it looks like they strategically might be pulling... I hate SEGA marketing- 

(The beginning of my aggressive rant, please note that I’m not thinking about my image and am writing tired and lazy. This is an example of how NOT to express your opinions in negative ways. It doesn’t influence good at all.)

Their ploys are outdated and frankly, do not work for their IPs market. They target the wrong age group, they have no idea how to organize themselves, and they don't have a leading 'elder' so to speak (just a professional among them) to make good calls. So you have young adults (not super professionals, this might be their first real company job) trying to target internet culture and failing their IPs. They're doing outdated Nintendo tactics that only worked for NINTENDO! Also some other companies that have DIED so why are you copying their marketing strats!? stop! lol

Friend: Did you study marketing because this entire convo kinda flew over my head in terms of understanding (This should have indicated to me that my words were coming off too factual and had too many ‘jargons’ going on. I was losing my ‘reader’ through my rant, but my tired brain would not cease!)

Sonic's trying to morph into something he's not and they're following outdated college course books and it's not gonna help... they're leading Sonic further down and the creators in japan have no power cause all the power is in the stock holders who are stupid money-hungry americans who have lost faith in American SEGA leading SEGA of Japan to move on to other things

Friend: mostly just got you don’t like the marketing (Huge red flag! This means my friend is starting to tune my info out, it’s because I’m presenting my ideas in a slightly aggressive writing style. There are trigger words here that lead an reader to start doubting you. This is why, in most of my answer posts, I make sure to write Neutral writing methods, but I’ll mention that more after my rant lol XP)

It's just bad. Lol I have a Frankenstein degree, (Now I’m justifying myself, which was caused by my aggressive approach. If I simply stated this in a more ‘neutral writing method’ then I wouldn’t have to worry about creditability claims because I’m not trying to sell my idea as the high authority on it.) which means I have knowledge on many different fields. I never took a fully -dedicated- 'marketing class' I took a lot of different communication classes that went to my overall major. One was directly about how you present, sell, and look at marketing tactics. So I have my fingers in many different fields, my major was "Creative Writing for Fiction and Film with an Emphasis in Video Production and a Cluster in Theatre Arts." So I can be on camera, off camera, post and pre production, creative table and actual filming. Does that make sense? (I’m not fully awake to realize what I’m writing, but it’s clear at this point I’m starting to wake up and realize I’m ranting and tossing my ideals of how to present ideas out the window, but let’s watch my follies and learn from them, shall we?) I have theories on what SEGA is going to do, and I have my worries because it's all outdated. It worked for older companies but those companies also targeted a varying audience, which SEGA refuses to see themselves as for a 'teenage audience' which is exactly why they boomed in the 90s. Their target audience is now 20s.

Friend: There are Kids who also like Sonic, even if they don’t play the games though. (Due to my aggressive tactics from not thinking clearly about, not just the what, but the HOW I’m writing, it has turned my friend into a ‘contrasting neutrality’ which is amazing by the way that she did this! She noticed my writing was turning aggressively ranting, and being my friend, didn’t want to be rude about what she was noticing. -I’m guessing lol- so instead, she took the commentary approach, which is to state the good as well. This is a terrible position to put your reader into, and you should make sure to always have good examples and good praise mixed in to contrast any opposing or aggressive statements you ever make. -though you should avoid aggressive writing at all times- Sadly, this does put the reader, in this case my friend, in a very vulnerable position. It leaves them open for attack... but thankfully, she’s a wonderful friend and had trust that I wouldn’t hurt her on her counter-follow-up.)

So instead of using their 40 to 50 year old charts, start with looking at early millennial trends and desires. They tried for 'angst' to 'adultify' Sonic but it busted because we are STICKLERS for animation. Because their story was so scrapped together and had no actual character depth, motivation, or even emotional growth to develop for future game lore, they went for the 'easy made game' (Easy baked oven quote lol that’s just mean XD) We loved the trailer, it was well made, but they threw their animators elsewhere and made the programmers (WHO BLANATLY ADMIT THEY DONT KNOW HOW TO DO STORY/GRAPHICS) and made them do things they aren't trained in. Those micro-head movements and mouths took them A LONG TIME to figure out.

(My friend is now agreeing with me several times through my rant. This is a tactic that is used as ‘avoidance’ but also for ‘appeasement’. She’s probably tuned out by now, but respects what I’m saying but is also incredulous at it as well. It’s fair, I’ve cornered her into my sleepy-time rant, and being the lovable woman that she is, she is simply waiting for me to realize my follies lolol I wish she would have told me but I think she knew I was beyond ‘logical reasoning’ at this point and was just letting me get it all out lolol What a good friend TDT)

Animation can't be learned that fast AND expect them to program a game AT THE SAME TIME. Sonic Forces was a 'split up SEGA' trying to get those who survived and said, "Yeah, I'll stay in this job." to do things that THEY AREN'T EVEN TRAINED IN. you put a game programmer on animation and some other stuff they didn't know what to do with and expect it be a top-notch seller.

Friend: (in more attempts to join in and be a ‘participant’ of the conversation I’m clearly dominating -MY ABSOLUTE BAD- she tried to engage normal conversation flow into the discussion again. At this point, she probably did notice I wasn’t my usual self, and just decided to play along and enjoy the ride lolol I’m just guessing this tho, but it’s a good chance to reflect on what ‘wrongs’ I was doing and what ‘rights’ she was doing during this situation ;)b) My big issue with SEGA is that they rush everything. A lot of things would’ve been better if they had the proper time.

That was resolved actually.

Friend: Oh? It was? (Although this looks like an encouragement, it’s actually just another avoidance tactic to help me ‘get the venting out’ but it’s clear she’s not fully onboard anymore. When you write to discuss, you have to leave room for other’s opinions to shine through as well. Healthy conversation doesn’t mean forcing the other person to comply to you. A lot of this is educated guess based on past research, she knows this, and it’s clear she’s got her own research. Please remember to never shoot someone down when they try to engage you in your conversations. But again, this is the ‘don’t do this’ and me upset at my tired self for not waking up fast enough to contemplate how I was coming across in my wordings. Let’s continue to investigate and dissect the train wreck, shall we?)

That was an issue a few years ago but SEGA is taking their time, it's just that they can't organize themselves and hire the right professionals. They have old tactics, they have rookies that aren't 'Fresh Blood with professionalism' like they need. They don't need an old fart who knows his stuff, they need a new guy who is dedicated and passionate about their company who will remain there, learn them in and out, and knows his stuff SPECIFICALLY for the things SEGA needs. You have to grow that. You have to hire a very talented and young spunky and fresh professional, have him work with you for 10-15 years, and start training others. But SEGA is already recognized as a 'established' company.

(Friend is still agreeing with me, but is aware of my way of presenting it isn’t “As nice as I usually present it” so she starts mentioning the symptoms of Japanese Work Culture. A wonderful, insightful point to mention! But let’s see how I butcher this as well...)

It's not Japan though! (Again, shutting her down. Tsk tsk, sleepy me. Wake up, you lazy bum.) They won't let Japan interfere! They're all really rude to japan actually. The guys in charge, anyway. We all respect the officials, but SEGA of America people just want results. They are just funders, they don't actually work the company.

Friend: So you blame them for everything? (She’s trying to help me see that my writing is coming off as ‘hate’ which is because of my aggressive writing follies I’m doing so bluntly. Let’s please all admire my friend’s patience as she lets me rant and kindly waits for me to realize how bad I’m handling my 16 hr shift from yesterday lolol)

Look, business is really unfair, and I get that, but if I have to rant (I’m starting to wake up more, oh goodie.) I'd say they really need to humble themselves and ask Japan to please take ownership again. They kicked out people due to a money crisis but they need a game that will be 'safe to secure money but get enough excited momentum to help us push on and continue.' which isn't Japan's strategy usually. Japan likes risks, they also like money too. They trust America too much (especially in the beginning) because America is a HUGE consumer. For the world in fact. But I think they sacrificed too much for the company (common in Japan) and trusted America too much in making decisions. The officials are too nice to say that America screwed them over because America wanted full control. Well guess what? They have too much control now and their product is sinking..

Friend:  You’ve got a lot of fire about this topic. (After I completely disregarded reading her follows-ups and continued to rant, my unconditionally kind friend finally threw in the towel, realizing I was no where near my usually ‘present’ self and was probably just flopped back in her chair smiling at my idiocy of not understanding her kind and subtly hints.) Go ahead and rant it out. (BOOM! Obvious right!? I should have corrected myself but at this point, I was writing like wild fire with droopy, waking up eyes and didn’t even read it during my long paragraphs...)

Sonic won't ever fade away due to it's fans, but the company is struggling to figure itself out for YEARS now. I just worry what they plan to do next. But I have a theory that they are really putting the next game in Japan's hands, a lot of activity is happening in SEGA of Japan, and they're spending WAY MORE TIME on the next installment of Modern Sonic (or Classic, still unsure which one it is yet.) I really think they need a remake game to give them profit, then use that profit for their next big installment. But so far, I think they are working on a game BUT corona might have effected production so I'm sure they are working but I'm concerned if Corona helped manage 'time and quality' or is helping to ruin it...That I can't investigate yet :( I just wish for the best (I’M FINALLY WAKING UP FULLY AS I STOP AND REALIZE-) Sorry for my rant! My theory talk showed through and I don't usually like doing that so forgive me. I'm tired and that's why T-T

Friend: It’s cool we all need to rant sometimes. (My friend’s going to make it to Heaven TwT she’s so kind.)

(Then I profusely apologized a billion times cause I realize how badly this all went down. lol)

(But the terror hasn’t ended... she mentioned some youtube videos mentioning other opinions as well. -which I’m usually cautious of cause some of them can be fanon.-)

OHhhh did he mention the arcade crash??? the literal WORST event in SEGA history??? That's literally where they sank the titanic, SEGA has never recovered from selling off their stocks. (I’M BACK AT IT AGAIN. -facepalm-) Shareholders are everything now and it's the biggest loss ever. Also, the problem is that kids don't play the games, (Rereading my follies and wanting to answer but still only just waking up...) but SEGA can't figure out why they like the characters and can't seem to take the FREAKIN' TIME to learn their lore. (Overwhelming the conversation again.) My easy steps: Re-establish Sonic lore CANONLY AND CORRECTLY, Re-gather the Japanese Officials original plans and notes, guides and study art, Re-make some popular games with the most details on Animation, Fluidity of motion graphics, and with modern Technology incorporated into the game. Once that is accomplished, they will have enough money to then- Create a continuity. Only with a flowing story and relevant past lore can they start moving forward. Animation will target their audience, Story and character re-established arcs will bring nostalgia and new blood to the field of their games, and then Japan's influences will keep it authentic for the continuities so we don't have fandom mixing with canon NEARLY AS BADLY as before anymore. Ugh, it does matter their sales, but I literally bought a book on the history of SEGA, and read a really compelling history article about more then just the Console Wars... I know SEGA has survived literally the edge of extinction on multiple fronts, but someone needs to take charge of their Sonic branch, and it's... it's just too outdated. kk, sorry for the rant.

Friend: (After being multiple times ignored, even after my brief moment of clarity, is still an angel. Frustrated, maybe, but an angel.) And your steps sound really good. Also mostly just listen to his vids if you ever do. It’s ok we all need to rant. (THE WORLD DOESN’T DESERVE THIS GURL T-T)

I'm tired so my 'angry' is showing and it's not professional XD do you mind if I post my rant? lol Actually, no. (Realize how awfully I delivered my ideas, this is where I begin to see my errors and where the clarity comes into play. -we all have our off days lol- )

Friend: Go for it

I want to but it's too aggressive. I'm too lazy to rewrite it out so I'll just save that for another day XD You got a rare treat

Friend: (This is actually interesting and fascinating to her. But she realized then that I finally did see my error.) Concerned you’ll get aggressive responses back?

Honest opinion is sometimes too blunt and I need to be careful about that

Friend: I mean it’s always good to try and get most of the anger out so you seem more professional (Saint. Literally. A saint. She’s puts up with too much of my crap XD)

That, and also the war of 'But this is Cutegirlmayra? She's so sweet and constantly puts her answers in supportive, positive lights so that if SEGA were to see it, they would feel empowered to try it instead of threatened and throw it off as hate or something unprofessional.' I have an image too. I can't post something super aggressive or I'll lose trust. You're right.

Friend: I’m glad you put a lot of thought into everything you post

I apologize for it tho T-T I didn't mean to dominate with such opinions...lol I worry who I influence, you know?

Friend: Most people don’t and trust me they get into trouble cause of it. And yeah.

I don't want to create trolls or heated arguments. I want to teach people they can safely express an idea without using such awful communication. Exactly, it's professional fanism. lol Positive writing is what companies and their employees actually read. (I’m almost fully awake now lol, realizing my blunder and starting to explain why I was in the wrong. Good on me, pat on the back, admitting I was coming off as aggressive is the first step to changing and getting better lolol Also, I’m including her more, and I’m saying “You’re right.” and she’s going “And yeah.” which is a indicator that the conversation is slowly returning to an enjoyable and healthy one. ;w; happy endings lol)  That's why I skip the aggressive stuff, even if it's passive, I write in a neutral setting so everyone feels safe to read, even someone who works at SEGA.

Friend: (Mentions some nintendo youtuber rant and also news as well, then says-) It was honestly very professional sounding and not rude. (MY HEART, YOU KNEW THAT WAS AN AGGRESSIVE RANT lololol So nice to me TDT)

Lol you had to have seen how slightly aggressive it was tho. (I’M CALLING YOUR BLUFF, BESTIE lol) You literally asked, "You blame America for it?" which is not always true but semi-true. They were way too prideful (Aggressive word) and haughty (Still aggressive terminology) about their success in other Japanese products that they wanted to completely change Sonic to their own wishes, pushing out Japan's creative "licenses" (I use this word loosely, and this gives a slightly aggressive feel but is also more dumbed down so it's more 'passionate' than just aggressive)

Friend: Yeah I saw it was slightly aggressive (Either is starting to realize it or at last admitting it now that I am fully aware of how I was coming across. I also used indicators to show what words were aggressive to help illustrate my point. This is showing I’m much more awake now :)b)

Gotta use those neutral tactics or no one will feel comfortable just reading your idea and instead, will constantly look for a place to intercept with aggression back, whether they agree or not, they're looking for ways to self-insert their aggression if you are also aggressive. I can't write something that doesn't somewhat support and uplift SEGA of America. Why? Because like I said, they literally have survived EVERYTHING and have stuck around. Without them, there wouldn't be an American branch and the money issue would have ended SEGA. Some might say, "But they've done so much harm than good! Why is the money thing such a thing to be praised for?" But it's huge, it's so big, it kinda does offset the wrongs. (Now I’m doing the healthy thing, doubling back and mentioning the good to try and recover. The damage may be done, but she did recommend some videos for me and was polite, so I’m just trying to smooth things over and leave on a ‘wrapped up’ conclusion. But... I should have just left it there in all honesty xD Some things you can’t double-back and correct lol) America is a great business-influenced mindset. None of us would be fans of Sonic without them.

(Friend continues to agree but realizes I may slip into ranting again. She just asks if I can watch the videos.)

America does have it's advantages in some fields and areas, but their biggest most redeeming quality is that they saved SEGA which gave us our biggest love and obsession: Sonic. Now, my usage in that writing was still off neutral, but combined with the slightly aggressive statements, made a GREAT contrast. It's still slightly praising

Friend: And they stopped Japan from giving him a human girlfriend right away.

Me: Exactly.

Friend: I will always thank them for that. (She’s still a sweetheart, working herself into the conversation so it stays healthy. lol Such amazing follow-ups too!)

So although I don't like what's happening, I'm also grateful... to a degree lol We need SEGA of America, which is why I think Japan just ignores them now lolol they know they owe them a lot. 

(Friend mentions videos and as I go to save them to my ‘watch later’ sees that one of them is about Nintendo.)

Yeeeahhh I've noticed that Nintendo is starting to trail into 'cash grab' tactics and that's sickening (MORE AGGRESSIVE WORDING??? HAVE YOU NOT LEARNED YOUR LESSON CHILD?! It takes time to fully wake up lolol) cause before, I literally thought, "Nintendo can do no wrong" their marketing was ON POINT! but the stuff they said about Peach and now... I think new, unprofessional blood (like SEGA) has entered Nintendo and the older guys are either 'training' or 'retired to other ventures'. Nintendo is having it's own 'we used to not be prideful but now we're getting a little too pompous (Another aggressive wording... This can easily trigger people to comment with further aggression either against you or for you, but no aggression is the ideal. Which is continuing to show my lack of remaining conscious lol) about ourselves' and they're starting to act like Disney before their big crash. Disney also had 'limited time offers' with their VHS movies. Now, Nintendo is doing that. They'll make money, but at what cost? When you lose your costumer's trust...

Friend: And yeah the 35th Mario thing immediately reminded me of the Disney vault

Me: Yep. I'm worried for Nintendo. Don't get me wrong! Disney is really good with money grabs, but they... they also act high and mighty (More aggressive statements, wake up, darn it!!!) and their fanbase literally calls them 'an empire' so the fan-trust is gone. That makes you 'lame/outdated' and fans begin to look for 'what's cool?' instead.

(Friend is now re-realizing I’m ‘in and out’ so is trying to use a effective avoidance tactic by asking about different things to help my ranting fully stop.)

Sorry, I'm tired, I get on these rants and I don't mean too. (Trying to shake myself awake again.) I'm sorry.

So we returned to a healthy conversation, but I hope this interesting insight has revealed how to and what not to do about Aggressive Writing. Always stick to Neutral writing if you can, putting in a compelling counter-argument. In this aggressive writing demo, you saw that I tried to cover up my follies by saying counter-praise, but praise writing can be just as bad as aggressive writing. Passive writing can sometimes be annoying (aggressive word choice) too if you come off as disinterested or uncaring, which can still result in negative comments coming at you, or someone overly praising in their writings.

This has been all I’m showing you cause it’s kinda embarrassing ^^; but I hope it helps you in what ‘not to do’ while writing your ideas out :)b

Learn from my sleepy-time mistakes! lol

[hollygoeslightly]

1. I couldn't help but find Sydney's actions at the end to be very deceitful. As much as it's framed as a tragic choice where he comes out a bruised victim unintentionally hurting Charlotte, I feel that his choice is quite like Ms Champion's and he and the audience cannot actually claim that the exact same thing is any better than her cruel choice years ago. They both left their betrothed for money and we have no idea whether her circumstances were dire or not, yet she was painted as a villain.

2. And as much as I fell in love with Charlotte and Sydney, Sydney's actions at the end when it came to his treatment of her, were deplorable. Even Lord Babbington didn't kiss nor touch Ester in that society until he proposed, even when it seemed a sure thing. He respected her dignity in society and understood what it meant to take advantage of a woman before truly providing for her or making a promise. Thus when they finally kissed, it was celebratory.

3. I had a feeling when Sydney kissed Charlotte before asking for her hand, in a sense rewarding the audience prematurely, that it wouldn't happen. Simply because in that society and context, he knowingly skipped the steps of honoring a woman rightfully rather than using her. He made no promises before they kissed. He didn't propose. Also, speaking to Charlotte about marriage is too important to delay for a week later. The fact that he didn't spare a minute to finish their convo spoke ill.

4. All of these little things at the end of the season, the last episode, left a bad taste in my mouth and gave me the sense that it would end badly. Because as much as we know that Sydney loves Charlotte dearly, his actions were irresponsible and spoke otherwise. Even with money, there are many possibilities for something to come through. You don't barter with a person though, risk hurting someone you love especially after promising them a life, or leading them.The irresponsibility is likeOtis!

5. I know that in that society, Sydney is smart enough to know how much his actions would have consequences on a vulnerable young woman who doesn't even have money to her name. He knows that it's important to have promised marriage before touching her. He knows that making such a promise, he mustn't break it, because she will make arrangements pertaining to her entire life and wellbeing, resting on him. He's also experienced the same vile taste of that happening to him! What do you think?

6. Also just to be clear, I don't want to demand anything of you and I don't want to be negative. I love your meta and I put weight on your interpretations which is why I'm asking. I also love the character of Sydney, which is why I'm deeply disgruntled by this. Not the end, bc I saw that coming, but what the last few incidents mean for his character. I trusted that he'd understand his impact; all the parallels to scoundrels, the context of society, and the contradiction to Babbington is not good.

Hey!

Thanks for the question. I hope you don’t mind, but I’m going to break down your question into parts in order to ensure my answer will make some semblance of sense.

Real Life and Reel Life

I’ve spoken about this before, but it bears repeating as it has a significant impact on how I interpret the show – I am not an Austen purist, nor am I a stickler for complete historical accuracy when it comes to my enjoyment of a particular movie or TV show. For instance, I know some people were frustrated by the historical inaccuracy of Charlotte wearing her hair down, but Charlotte’s modern hairstyle was never something that bothered me. Everyone’s mileage varies of course, but as long as the characterisation is cohesive and interesting and the creators have managed to convey the overall spirit of the period of time the story is set, I’m happy.

It’s also worth noting that while Jane Austen was a fairly historically accurate author, her body of work had a very narrow focus – middle class and upper class families in country villages in southern England. And while her body of work is historically accurate, it’s also intentionally sanitised. Regency and Victorian England was a time of significant social, political and economic change – beneath the shiny veneer of tea rooms and good manners was an underbelly of sex, drugs and gambling.

Why am I mentioning this? Because Sanditon was Andrew Davies’ attempt at expanding Austen’s focus – placing Austen’s signature study of manners against the backdrop of a fairly chaotic period in time. Personally, I loved this aspect of the show. Not only did Davies force the audience to confront their preconceived ideas of what a typical Austen character actually is, but it allowed the characters to push against issues outside of love and marriage. Don’t get me wrong, I swoon every time Darcy helps Elizabeth into the carriage after the ball at Pemberley or Anne reads Wentworth’s letter, but it was nice to have a slightly different interpretation of Austen’s work.

Finally, I firmly believe that part of the agreement you undertake when interacting with any form of entertainment is the suspension of some degree of reality. The amount of suspension is dependent on the work of course, but even true stories require some form of suspension (e.g. the amalgamation of characters, timelines sped up) to be entertaining. In the case of Sanditon, the characters inhabit a close approximation of Regency England, but not an exact copy (e.g. Charlotte wears her hair down, clothing is not always period appropriate). This is also the case when it comes to characters breaking a few of the social conventions that Austen routinely explored. For example, while Sidney kissing Charlotte prior to proposing to her in 1x08 would have been frowned upon in the real world, in Davies’ version of Regency England, Sidney kissing Charlotte is not a poor reflection of his character nor does it indicate that he knowingly took advantage of her – it’s simply a way to drive the narrative forward and create an entertaining story. This is supported by the fact that Charlotte’s reputation remains in good standing despite spending time alone with both Sidney and Young Stringer and that Esther faces no consequences for the exposure of her romantic/abusive relationship with her brother in 1x08. So while I understand that for you, Davies’ choice to overlook certain social conventions is frustrating, I think it’s important to acknowledge that the world Sanditon presents us is not 100% historically accurate, and for the purposes of entertainment, I don’t think it can be.

Sidney, Eliza and Otis

Following the fire in the new terrace apartments in 1x08, Sidney is forced to make a choice between love and money – his love for Charlotte and his desire to save his brother (The Worst) from debtor’s prison. Sidney is faced with an impossible choice and in the end chooses to sacrifice his own happiness (I think Sidney believes that Charlotte will be able to move on and find happiness again) for the well being of Tom, Mary and the children. As you’ve pointed out, this is a direct parallel to Eliza choosing money over her love of Sidney. However, I don’t think it’s accurate to claim that both decisions are equal in cruelty – doing so removes all nuance from the situation.

While I understand why some members of the fandom believe that Eliza could have had a valid reason for choosing money over love, I don’t believe the narrative supports that argument (whether this would have changed in S2, I’m not sure). Eliza is described by Tom (1x06) and Arthur (1x07) as intentionally betraying Sidney’s trust, choosing the safety of wealth over love.

Arthur – “Do you know, for years all I knew about my brother, Sidney, was that he was driven to the West Indies with a broken heart.”

Sidney – “And what’s your point Arthur?”

Arthur – “I admire your spirit of forgiveness that is all. If it were me, I do not think I could bring myself to trust her again.”

Arthur speaks of a betrayal of trust that he does not believe he could ever get past, a betrayal he is surprised that his own brother is willing to forgive. The reason Sidney is so damaged by Eliza’s betrayal is not because she was forced by circumstance to marry for money (if that was the case, it would be presented as two lovers torn apart by outside influences e.g. Sidney and Charlotte), but because by choosing to marry for money, she publically declared that Sidney was not enough. The love and future he could offer her was not enough. Eliza’s choice is so cruel, because her decision is so mercenary in nature – it’s a decision made out of choice, not necessity. She made the decision knowing what it would cost and she deemed that cost (Sidney’s self-worth) worthwhile.

This is also the case when it comes to Otis’ treatment of Georgiana. Otis made an active choice to barter with Georgiana’s name in order to extend credit for his gambling debts. He had multiple options available to him, number one being to stop gambling, but he made a decision where he would benefit and Georgiana would be placed at risk. On the other hand, the audience is made aware that Sidney is forced into a position where there are no right choices. Regardless of the decision he makes, someone will be hurt. He is the only one in the position to find the money to keep his brother out of debtor’s prison and as a result, Tom’s failure to insure Sanditon costs Sidney his future with Charlotte. Intention matters. Yes, all decisions lead to people being hurt, but Sidney is the only one who also suffers as a result of the decision he made.

While I understand the audience was upset by Sidney’s decision (I didn’t like it either), I also think an ending where Sidney and Charlotte marry while Tom is sent to debtor’s prison (most likely for the rest of his life) and Mary and the children are made homeless and shunned by society for Tom’s misdeeds, would have also been incredibly unpopular.

Sidney and Lord Babington

On the surface, I can understand why you’ve compared Sidney and Lord Babington.  Both fall in love with feisty women and both intend to propose marriage to said feisty women – it’s an easy connection to make. However, I don’t think it’s accurate to say that Sidney’s actions are wholly bad and Lord Babington’s actions are wholly good simply because Lord Babington’s proposal ended in a marriage.

Let me give you another interpretation of Lord Babington and Esther’s relationship (not one I subscribe to, but one that can be drawn based on the narrative). Taken by Esther’s honesty and derision, Lord Babington makes Esther aware that he has feelings for her. Esther in turn rejects Lord Babington and tells him all further attempts on his part would be futile. Despite this, Lord Babington continues to pursue her, writing letters which she never answers – another clear indication that she is not interested. Lord Babington visits Sanditon with the express purpose of seeing Esther (1x05) and requests a private walk without a chaperone where he proposes marriage. Esther rejects his proposal. After hearing Edward speak badly of his sister, Lord Babington visits Esther in private, again without a chaperone present. Following Lady Denham’s recovery he once again goes on an outing with Esther without a chaperone. After discovering that Esther had a romantic relationship with Edward and Esther telling him that she doesn’t love him, Lord Babington proposes marriage for the second time and Esther finally accepts. They marry.

If S2 had gone ahead, I’m fairly sure Esther’s love for Edward and her lack of love for her husband would have been a major plot point. And while I think it would have all worked out in the end, that Esther would have realised she loves Lord Babington, what if it hadn’t? Esther may have come to resent her husband, trapped in a marriage by a husband who knows his wife does not love him, still pining for the one man she couldn’t have because of circumstances out of her control.  

Again, I understand why the choice to ignore some social conventions may be frustrating, however in Davies’ version of Regency England, breaking these conventions do not have the consequences they would have had in real life. By judging the actions of the characters by real life rules, you are assigning intention and consequence where there are none.

I think it’s also worth noting, that apart from Sidney and Charlotte themselves, nobody knows that they kissed and only Alison, Mary, Georgiana and Young Stringer are aware that Sidney was intending to propose marriage. Charlotte’s heart may be badly bruised, but her reputation is still intact.

Charlotte’s Agency

Perhaps it’s because Charlotte’s agency is more quietly expressed than other characters, but I think the argument that Charlotte became passive in the final two episodes, overlooks the very active choices Charlotte makes in regards to her feelings for Sidney. Passiveness suggests inaction, and in 1x08 Charlotte chooses to act – she asks Sidney whether she can join him on his walk into town. This may seem inconsequential, but it is anything but. Because Charlotte is not only choosing to trust in her feelings for Sidney and in his feelings for her, but she is telling Sidney his feelings are reciprocated and those feelings are strong enough that they need time alone to discuss their possible future together. The agency lies with Charlotte the whole time.

We began with the scene with a rather inane discussion about the weather and Charlotte’s family – Sidney is both desperate to discuss their conversation from the previous night, but patiently waiting for Charlotte to indicate that this is something she wishes to do. She does, telling him she would rather continue their walk together than return to town for her dress fitting.

Charlotte – “We seem not to be walking into town?”

Sidney – “Ah, yes, your dress fitting. Forgive me, what a fool I am. Should we head back, perhaps?”

Charlotte – “No, there is absolutely no urgency about my dress fitting. A walk along the clifftops is much more to my taste.”

Sidney – “Good. My thoughts exactly.”

Sidney is willing to end their walk and the possibility of discussing their feelings at the slightest hint that this may not be something Charlotte desires. However, following Charlotte’s lead, Sidney admits that he wished to find time alone with her to discuss their conversation while glancing at her mouth every five seconds, and of course they kiss. What is important to note is that Sidney continues to check in with Charlotte at every point in the lead up to that moment. Charlotte only had to say no or ask to return to town for Sidney not to proceed, something she is well aware of and actively chooses not to do. Responding positively to Sidney’s actions is not the same as passiveness. You only have to watch as Charlotte stares longing at Sidney to know that she desired the kiss just as much as he did.

Why am I mentioning all this? Because in your question, you talk quite a bit about Sidney’s choices and actions, and the consequences they may have for Charlotte, without acknowledging that Charlotte is an active participant. Do I think that means she could have somehow prevented what occurred? No, but nor do I think it’s fair to remove Charlotte’s participation from her own storyline. She may be a victim of incredibly poor circumstances, but I don’t think it’s fair to say she is a victim of Sidney’s poor behaviour. Sidney and Charlotte not ending the season married does not cancel out Charlotte’s agency in choosing to pursue her relationship with Sidney.

Thanks for the question, I hope I made sense!

[onlyssca]

Help, I lost myself again

Hi i wrote my first byeler fanfic

ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21606247

Cold sweats. Always the same nightmares. This feeling of being petrified, trapped and so helpless. The sensation of not being quite himself. So lost in his mind. Was it even still his?

Burning fire in his shoulders. He didn’t have to be asleep to live, or sometimes relive, those horrors. The dark wasn’t necessary because he became the dark.

Freezing toes and fingers. The darkness started his trauma, and the trauma created more darkness. The only light he could reach was the one he produced when his heart made the tiniest of spark.

Hot pain in his lungs. And he could lie and say everything was fine. After all the absence of light in his chest became his normal.

The absence of air shocked him awake. He sat up, as electricity traveled his entire body. You’d think Will had gotten used to it after years of never ending nightmares, but he never did. If tears drop could be bottled, there would be oceans of sadness he could drown in and end it all.

He had stopped to sleep over at his friends. He always had been a people pleaser, so worry them was the last thing he wanted even if it meant he had to deal with the night waiting to eat him. Luckily for him, the idea of sleepovers slowly disappeared into thin air as he and his friends grew up.

Four sleeping bags in Mike’s basement became a bigger bed he could share with her. Laughter echoing in the Wheeler’s house became deafening silence in the Byers’s. Face hurting from smiling too much became back pain from all the burden on his shoulders.

From an outside prospective Will seemed completely fine. He was always a quite kid, so it made things easier. Sometimes someone like his mother or Mike would pick up on stuff. Like him spacing out for a moment, his breath quickening, a flicker of worry in his eyes, the goosebumps on his neck.

“Hey, are you okay?” Mike said pulling Will out of his trance.

“Yeah” They glanced at each other’s lips briefly.

“Are you sure?” The insistence warming Will’s stomach. He cares.

“Of course.” Will immediately felt bad for lying to Mike. But he had to.

If there was a good part to it, which really there wasn’t but in Will’s messed up mind it kind of made sense, was the floating feeling in his body when he was on the verge of passing out. Sleep deprivation wasn’t the solution but it made him drunk, not that he really knew what it felt like but he assumed.

Normally sleep deprivation could damage you and make you feel terrible, but Will lived in a constant state of horrible. As weird as it sounds, what he loved the most was the feeling of falling. That freedom he felt as his limbs lost control and simply collapsed.

He quickly stopped this habit when he actually collapsed in front of people. It was a Wednesday, 3rd period, math class. He hadn’t had a good night of sleep in at least 2 weeks. The dark circles under his eyes should have made people suspicious. It kind of did but not enough to make them ask and Will liked it better that way.

The teacher, noticing Will wasn’t paying attention to the lesson, made him go to the blackboard to solve a problem.

Will got up and that was the first mistake that caused the following ones.

He saw blur and felt the entire room spin. The ground felt like jelly and the walls resembled heat waves. His eyes rolled to the back of his head. And there it was again. That feeling of floating that Will craved. Except in reality he wasn’t floating, he was falling. For him it felt infinite but for everyone else it felt like seconds. He was briefly up then so suddenly hit the floor, hard. Will felt the cold tilled floor beneath him then. Nothing. Black out.

Will wished he could’ve stayed like this forever. It felt like sleep but it was so much more peaceful. Unfortunately, a second later, no matter how much actual time had passed, he opened his eyes, brightness blinding him. If he looked at the light long enough he could see stars. Then a shadow covered his face. It took a minute for his eyes to focus but as soon as he saw the figure in front of him he smiled. His heart rate rose a little, skipping a beat here and there. The euphoric feeling coming back but or a totally different reason this time.

Mike Wheeler, kneeled by his side, hovering his body. Will was so out of it that he would only later realize that his best friend was holding his hand, clinging to it as if Will’s body would liquefy if he ever let go. What he did notice was his face, the halo of light behind his head made him look like an angel. Did I finally die? Will thought. He saw his lips move but no sound followed. His eyes wandered across his face, until his met Mike’s big brown glossy ones. Mike’s wet eyes screamed worry, but Will couldn’t hear it. All he perceived was the familiarity, and reassurance of still being seen.

“Mike…” Will’s speech was barely audible over the whispering of the rest of the student all around them. Lucas and Dustin stood right behind Mike. The looks on their face was just as worried as Mike’s.

“Will” Mike’s mouth stayed open.

“Have you always had those stars in your eyes?” Will said, beaming at Mike who let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding then the teacher finally spoke.

“Alright, alright. Please step away from him, let him breathe.” He approached the lying boy and gestured with his hands for the others to get back. The circle around Will grew larger, but Mike didn’t move an inch. “Come on Mike-“

“No!” Mike yelled, his eyes not leaving Will who closed his eyes but did not opened them again. Now Mike was scared. His head snapped in the teacher’s direction. He couldn’t understand how the man could stay so calm when his best friend was, in Mike’s mind, clearly dying. “Call an ambulance, dipshit!” Mike spat out. This comment would’ve normally cause him trouble but the situation made the teacher brush it off.

From then on until the hospital, Will went from conscious to unconscious every 5 minutes. Flash of red and blue, and a warm hand in his was all he could manage to remember from the ride to the hospital. Something freezing entered his veins then blackout again, this time for hours.

 The sound of the heart monitor echoed in the room. The half-open door let footsteps of people and doctors be heard in the room. After an hour of pacing the room Mike had finally sat down in the chair next to Will’s bed. Joyce, who had arrived only a couple minutes after the ambulance, had offered to give Mike a ride home. He politely refused and insisted on being there as well. She sat in next to Mike whose leg’s was bouncing up and down.

Will’s pulse raising could be heard through the monitor. Both Mike and Joyce looked up. His heart beat kept going up, making so much noise in the room until he jolted awake and his heart slowed down as his breathing deepened. The lanky boy quickly stood up and the petite woman threw herself in her son’s arms. Will barely had the time to process what was happening.

“Hi,” she said, her hands on each side of his face. “I’m gonna get the nurse” she kissed his forehead then left.

Will looked around the room and his eyes met Mike’s. He got closer to the bed. Will scooted over a little in the white sheets, to let his oldest friend sit. “What happened?” Will asked watching him get on the hospital bed.

“You passed out in math class” Mike said calmly, looking at his feet.

“I told you math was boring” Will chuckled. Mike stayed quiet. Will was frowning. “hey... it’s okay, I’m ok—”

“I’m sorry” He almost whispered. How can Mike be sorry? Will inflicted this to himself, he was the one self-destructing. “I haven’t been there for you lately” Will shook his head.

“No, it’s not- you didn’t have to be” Will tried to reassure him.

“Yes I did! I’m your best friend a-and I haven’t acted like I am in these past few months. I should’ve played d&d with you, I should’ve gone to the movies more often, I shouldn’t have respected that fucking curfew, and stayed longer with you guys, ugh” Will stayed silent while Mike was word-vomiting and he wasn’t done yet. “Maybe… If I had been there for you, with you, you wouldn’t have…”

“I did not die, Mike”

“You could’ve!” Mike finally looked up.

“You can’t die from sleep deprivation” Will said, avoiding Mike’s gaze.

“If given enough time, sleep deprivation can kill you”

“Yeah, well, I would’ve stop before that. I wouldn’t have gone this far” Will said.

“How am I supposed to know that?” The room fell silent. They both became really aware of the beep coming from the machine. They held each other’s gaze before Mike broke it and looked at the catheter in Will’s left hand. “Why did you even start doing that?”

A couple more seconds of silence before Will’s shaky voice whispered “Nightmares…”

“That bad?” Mike said, worried.

Will stayed still. He couldn’t go back there. Talking about it would mean bring the dark into the light. But he was scared that the dark would swallow the light. A single tear fell down his red cheek. “You have no idea”

They got interrupted by the nurse and Joyce coming back. She checked his vitals, and the doctor prescribed him sleeping pills and vitamins. Will had to stay the night at the hospital to make sure he got some sleep before going home. Mike wanted to stay but as soon as Jonathan arrived Joyce insisted on giving him a ride home.

The next day, at school, Mike explained everything to Lucas, Dustin and Max, who hadn’t been in the same class that period. They wanted to visit him or something but Dustin pointed out that it would be better if they let him rest. That evening he went to the cabin to talk to El. She had heard about the news from Hopper, who had talked to Joyce. They didn’t talk much that evening –not that they usually did, they much preferred making out– instead Mike simply laid his head on El’s lap and cried. If he rationalized all of the events, it wasn’t that bad –not upside down kind of bad- but for some reason he needed to cry. El simply stroked his hair and waited for him to calm down.

 Weeks passed and Will’s nightmares were never mentioned after that. He stopped forcing himself to stay awake to avoid any other incident. He simply accepted the fact that he’ll live the rest of his life waking up swimming in his own tears and sweat, with his heart out of his body and burning lungs.

While Will’s nightmares stayed the same, a lot of things changed in he and his friends lives. Mike and El broke up. Contrary to popular believes, they were okay, not sad. Hopper and Joyce started dating which meant that not one but two people were added to his family. His brother went to college. El started going to school with them and they started high school. They met Suzie once.  

 The first time it happened, no one paid attention to it, because it could’ve happened to anybody. I could simply have been a coincidence. But it wasn’t. It wasn’t.

They were all six in Mike’s basement, a dumb movie on the television that nobody was even watching. It was more of a background noise. The girls were on the sofa. El was braiding Max’s hair. She had gotten quite good at it now. She used to train on herself or even on Will at home. She couldn’t anymore because his hair wasn’t as long.

They now had been living together for 2 years. At first it was weird. Will wasn’t used to living with a girl, he had always known what having a brother was like but El felt completely different. Sure, his mother is a woman but it’s not the same. However, they quickly connected, and became quite the pair.

Dustin, Mike and Lucas played Uno on the floor and Will was sat against the sofa, drawing the scene. If El had gotten quite good at braiding hair, Will’s drawing skills exploded expectations. He actually considered, once or twice, studying art when he’s done with high school. After all, every great artist is a little messed up, right?

His eyes were right on the boys, so it wasn’t hard for him to notice Mike cheating by hiding a card beneath another one to get rid of it. His eyes went back to his drawing. He wasn’t going to say anything but before he knew it his mouth opened and started talking except, his voice echoed and mixed with someone else’s.

“Mike, you cheated I saw you. Cheating is bad.” El and Will’s voices became one as they speak at the same time. The exact same sentence. Words for words.

They immediately looked at each other -confusion painted on both of the teen’s face- and so did the rest of the party.

“Wow, that was weird.” Max said. But weirdness to it was brushed off when Dustin replied.

“You guys spend too much time with each other, you’re starting to sound like the twins from the shining.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that you cheated Mike. Take seven more cards” Lucas said changing the subject.

“SEVEN! That’s harsh, I already have 20 in my hand!” Mike said dramatically.

The evening went back to normal after that. Except for the glances between Mike and Will, here and there. But it had become their normal at this point.

Will knew he’s had a crush on his best friend since forever. But recently he wasn’t so sure. It wasn’t just a crush anymore. Will was pretty sure he was in love with Mike. He used to shiver when their hands touch, now he craved his touch. He would’ve blushed if they ended up being really close, now his entire body radiated heat. Being with Mike used to give him butterfly in his stomach, now whenever he was around he could feel firework in his chest.

Those feelings he kept them deep, deep, down in his heart. It wasn’t just out of the fear of rejection but also because those feelings became so strong that, sometimes at night, if they were buried deep enough, beneath the darkness, he could use them to block the nightmares away for a couple hours. And it was good enough. Until it became the worst.

 Like every night, Will brushed his teeth in the bathroom with El before going to bed. Sometimes Will would go into the bathroom and start laughing, remembering that time where he and his sister had a toothpaste fight. Joyce was not happy about it. But it was still one of his favorite memories. When they finished, they said goodnight to each other then go to their respective room to sleep.

When he woke up from a nightmare he’d always try to not scream or breathe too loud so he wouldn’t wake anyone. And so far it had worked. After living together for so long Will was surprised that El hadn’t find out about his nightmares. He had lived with his mother and Jonathan for way longer than that but he came to the conclusion that somehow he and her, were connected somehow. He assumed it had something to do with the upside down, because they had both gone there. But then again that didn’t make sense either because Nancy, his mom and even Hopper had been there. And he definitely didn’t share that bond with any of them.

Once in his room he settled on his bed. After reading a comic book or two he drifted to sleep. No darkness in sight. Will felt so relieved when he saw freckles. It was going to be one of those extremely rare night where he could enjoy his feelings, show them, feel them, embraced them. In those dreams it was just him and Mike, floating through time and space, sharing body heat as their limbs tangled, mixing green and brown, hearts beating in sync.

That’s how it usually went.

Will was so caught up in happiness that he didn’t notice everything losing its color and brightness. Dark smoke lurked on the floor, spreading in Will’s mind. He started to worry when he felt Mike’s skin getting colder. He looked up at his now freckle-less white face. His hair was darker than usual, and his nails had grown an inch. Will felt them scratch his back. Will’s big green eye looked for Mike’s but he couldn’t find them. Mike’s face features disappeared. It wasn’t Mike, its legs and arms grew lankier. The only thing will could feel at this moment was fear and the Thing’s nails digging in his back, making him bleed.

He turned his head to find the real Mike sat in the corner of his room, hugging his knees. He looked terrified. In the blink of an eye, his and Mike’s body had switched. He was now the one in the corner watching the creature torturing his best friend. He could not move. He was petrified. He could only scream, but the sound didn’t want to come out. His vocal chords were about to explode, yet no sound came out, like he was under water.

Soon the pale body of friend became lifeless and his greyish skin became dark red liquid. The bloody mess in front of him felt like hours. When there was nothing left of Mike the nightmares started all over again. Again and again and again, until Will’s body couldn’t take it and shocked him awake.

At the same time, in the room down the hall. El woke up sweating.

Will almost let out a scream that nigh. This nightmare was so much more traumatizing than the thousands others he’d had. He took a couple of seconds to calm himself, it felt so real. The cold, the thing, Mike. Mike. Will threw himself out of bed. He stumbled on the floor and thought for a second. What was he gonna do anyway? Then it struck him. El.

He opened his door as fast as he could. He was about to go to El’s room and pond on her door. But he didn’t have to because as soon as he looked up his eyes met hers. She was on her way to his room. They stood there for a minute, until he broke the silence.

“Sorry, I woke you up” Will whispered. Though he could’ve sworn he didn’t scream.

“No. I just-” Her gaze wandered to the floor, thinking. “Are you okay?” She asked now looking at him in the eyes.

“Yes, I just” He saw her frowning then realized that lying to her won’t lead him anywhere. “Actually, no and I need your help” He took her wrist in his hand and yanked her into his room.

He closed the door behind them and led her to his bed. They sat down. Will took a deep breath before speaking.

“I need you to find Mike.” He handed her his walkie-talkie and a scarf. She took a moment to think. She did not hesitate; she knew Will was being serious she could feel it. She looked around the room, and stopped when she found his radio. She stood up walked towards it.

“It’ll work better with this” She said turning it on and choosing a channel with statics. She came back on the bed, sat legs crossed, in front of her adoptive brother.

It didn’t take too long because El knew exactly where to find him. Her mind traveled into the void, where she found Mike sleeping in his bed.

“I found him” She said.

“Is he okay?” Will asked. Her feet splashed the water as she walked towards him. He was asleep and looked peaceful.

“He’s asleep” She answered. Will saw a flash of his nightmare when he blinked.

“Are you sure? Is he breathing?” Will starting to get paranoid. The brunette took he blind fold off. She looked at Will who was shaking. She took his hands in hers, trying to calm him down. He looked down at their hands.

He’s okay. She thought.

“How can you be so sure?” He said.

“Wait you heard me say that?” She looked muddled.

“Well yeah, you just spoke” Now Will was confused. She took his chin and made him look at her.

Actually, I didn’t. She thought.

What the fuck? He thought. His eyes widened.

Yeah, what the fuck. She slowly nodded with eyes as big as his.

They waited a couple of seconds, their minds blank. Then El looked back at the radio.

“Do you trust me?” She asked. Getting closer to him.

“Of course, always” He said sincerely. She nodded and put the blindfold in his hand. She figured he’d need it more than her, as she was used to doing it. He hesitated for a second. What she was implying meant that he… but then again how do you explain what just happened between them? So he took it and tied it behind his head and relaxed. El linked their hands. He could hear her clearly in his mind.

Okay, relax and concentrate on the statics. Let it enter your head. Now think about Mike. It’s easier when you know the person and where to find them in the first place.

Okay.

El did it as well and tried her best to guide him to find the void. After some concentration and El’s help, Will opened his eyes to see, nothing but El. Her body was clear but the rest was nothingness, except for the inch of water beneath his feet. Smithereens of memories came to him. This place he had seen it before. A couple of years ago when he went missing in the upside down, El came to him, in castle Byers. And for a moment he saw that place.

“It worked!” Will couldn’t believe it. He saw El nodding, a big smile on her face.

He turned around and saw Mike’s bed. As he approached it, his vision got clearer. He saw Mike fast asleep. The mess of his hair on his pillow, and some stands of it stuck on his forehead. His lips looked wet, like he had been drooling. His right cheek was red and had the impression of his pillow on it. He looked more than okay.

His hand tried to reach for Mike but El intercepted his wrist. “It doesn’t work like that here” She said, letting go of him. He looked confused but then she waved her hand through Mike and he turned into smoke which disappeared quickly after that.

He took the blindfold off and suddenly felt tiered. He watched El getting back to herself, their eyes met and you could read on both their face. Holy shit, that just happened! Will didn’t feel it but realized what it was when this metallic taste run on his lips. He brought his fingers to his nose. Bloody fingers.

 The next day at school, when greeting everyone Will hugged Mike. Taken aback at first, Mike proceeded to putt his arms around Will. As soon as Will felt him reciprocate the embrace, he tightened his grip. They stayed in each other’s arms for a bit too long, forgetting their friends standing aside. Will’s head rested on Mike’s chest, able to hear his heart beat. He sighted in his friend blue sweater. He put one hand on one of Will’s shoulder and pushed it a little allowing both of them to look at each other.

“Is everything alright?” Mike said raising one eyebrow. Will opened his mouth, looked around them suddenly aware of their friends looking at them. He pulled away, put his hands on the straps of his backpack.

“Y-Yeah, sorry” He chuckled. Mike gave him a playful look.

Dustin, from behind, put his arms around both of his friends. He walked between them, making them follow him. “Come on lovebirds, we’re gonna be late for class, and science doesn’t wait!” He said a bit too loud. Mike laughed and shook his head while Will blushed and looked at his feet trying not to trip.

He was grateful that El didn’t mention last night at school. As much as it was exciting to discover that Will might have powers and that they could now communicate by thought, if Will wanted to reveal their discovery, he’d have to explain the context and he’d rather not. That didn’t mean that they didn’t talk about it or rather think about it.

In English class they sat next to each other. The teacher asked them to read a passage of “To Kill a Mockingbird”, the book they were studying this year. Everyone was silent the only sound in the classroom was the turning pages.

Ugh this is so boring! He thought, looking up at the ceiling.

It’s not that bad. El responded.

Shit! I forgot you could hear every of my thought. Will looked at her.

Not every single one. She felt his eyes on her so she looked back at him.

You’re sure? How can you tell? Do you think we can control it?

Okay slow down you’re drowning my brain with all your thoughts. She raised her eyebrows and closed her eyes for a bit.

Sorry. He pinched his lips

I mean I don’t know for sure, but I’m pretty sure you were thinking something when you hugged Mike this morning. But I couldn’t hear anything. So there must be a way to control it. We just don’t know how yet. Will blushed, trying to block every thoughts of Mike he could have right now in case El could hear, or see.

You’re right, we’ve been living without hearing each other’s thoughts before. I guess it got activated somehow. Will tried his best to smoothly avoid the subject of Mike. Especially with her.

Probably.

“Are you guys okay? You’ve been staring at each other for the past two minutes” Lucas interrupted them. Both of them turned towards Lucas.

“Brother-sister rivalry” Will spat out. El nodding fanatically behind Will.

“Right…” Lucas squinted his eyes.

Lunch period conversation started with everyone complaining about their upcoming tests, then shifted to small other subjects. Sometimes Will or El would comment something in their mind and the other would try not to start laughing. While the others kept arguing on whether Batman or Superman was stronger, Mike turned to Will who was toying with his pudding, it looked weird and unappealing.

“Hey Will, I um, I was wondering if you wanted to go back to my house to help me with something?” Mike said, watching his fingers playing with the hem of his sweater.

“Yeah sure! How do you want me- I-I mean what do you need me for?” Will stuttered. His ears reddened with embarrassment. Really smooth Will! He thought to himself. El couldn’t help but smile.

Yeah real smooth Byers. He could almost hear her giggle. She read the realization on his face. That’s fine you know, we don’t have to figure out how this works today, if you want to go; go ahead.

“Just to help me with a campaign I’m working on” Mike said.

“You’re working on a campaign?” He sounded surprised. “We haven’t played d&d for years” Will said.

“Yeah, I know. I just, thought it’d be nice to play one more time. Nostalgia, y’know” Mike said grabbing apple and took a bite.

“Nostalgia.” Will repeated, smiling. Their eyes stayed locked on each other for a moment making them both smile.

“What about Wonder Woman?” Max said.

“What? No she can’t-” Lucas starting to say.

“Oh! Because she’s a girl you think she wouldn’t win?!” Max interrupted him. Her eyebrows were raised above her big blue eyes.

“Yes” Lucas started saying but Max’s ‘are you kidding me’ face, made him explain. “I mean, yes she wouldn’t win but NOT because she’s a woman” He said using his hands in the air unconsciously to make himself clearer.  

“Right.” She rolled her eyes and sat back against the chair. By then Mike and Will were back in the conversation to witness the couple argue. The bell rang and Max sat up quickly and walked towards the cafeteria’s exit doors. El followed her giving the boys an apologetic look.

“I’m dead, aren’t I?” Lucas said his head in his hands.

“Yep” Dustin said.

“Oh, totally” Mike said patting his friend’s shoulder.

“Sorry, dude” Will said, shrugging. All three stood up and left.

After the last bell of the day rang, the party went their different way home. Will following Mike. They playfully raced each other for a minute, then Mike looped around Will until they both passed in front of each other, creating an invisible DNA shape on the road.

They left their bikes outside, next to the Wheelers’ car. Karen’s probably, Will thought. They entered through the basement door. Will knew this room like the back of his hand. He had so many good memories here. A couple of bad ones, but it was nothing compared to the 10 hours afternoons spent playing games or watching movies.

Mike closed the door behind them and was heading towards the couch. Will looked around the room and noticed one of his drawing on the wall. He wasn’t a stranger to seeing his drawing here. Since he started drawing he always gave Mike some of them, and he liked them so much that he’d hang them everywhere in the house. Once he put one or two on the fridge without saying anything to anybody, and for at least 5 month Karen Wheeler thought her son was some kind of art prodigy.  

As Will got closer to the art piece on the wall, he realized it was a recent one. It was the one he did when the boys were playing Uno and Mike had cheated. He forgot about it and left it there. Mike probably assumed Will left it for him and hung it.

“You’re still hanging those?” Will asked, pointing at the paper sheet. Mike turned around to face him. His fingers dropped from his lips.

“Um? Oh yeah, always” Mike said, like it was the thing he was the surest in the world. Will beamed at that. “I mean, it makes the place friendlier” Mike bit his lips, his tone made the sentence sound like he was trying to convince himself. Will chuckled and nodded.

“Mike? Is that you?” A feminine voice came from upstairs.

“No mom, it’s Santa Claus. Yeah it’s me!” He yelled back. The basement door opened.

“Michael! What did I tell you ab- oh, Will!” She looked surprised. Her voice went from sharp to sweet as soon as she noticed Will.

“Hi Ms. Wheeler” He answered politely. “I hope I’m not bothering you”

“Oh, don’t be silly, of course not!” She waved her hand. “Are you staying for dinner?” She asked calmly. Her voice was low and friendly. Will looked at Mike then back at the woman.

“Um, thanks but I think my mom wants me home tonight.” He told her. He knew that if he stayed for dinner Mike would ask him to stay the night. He would’ve loved to, but he told El they’d try to figure out their mind connection, and he didn’t want to scare or worry Mike with his nightmares.

“Okay, does she know you’re here or do you want me to make a call?” She turned her shoulder to the kitchen.

“No it’s fine. I’m sure El told her already”

“Well then, there are snacks in the kitchen if either of you is hungry. I’ll be in the living room if you need me” She smiled.

“Okay thanks mom” Mike said as she closed the door.

Mike kneeled down and looked through a bunch of tapes laying around next to his radio. He picked up the one labeled ‘For Mike’. A couple years back Will really got into music, thanks to his brother who introduced him to a couple of his favorite bands and from then Will’s music taste grew and now he sometimes made Jonathan listen to music he had never heard of. One day he decided to make a mixtape for each of his friends, which they all appreciated and surprisingly all loved. It’s like Will knew exactly what songs would fit his friends’ personalities.

“Wait, I’ve actually made you a new one” He let his backpack slid along his arms. He zipped it open and took out a small tape. This one had ‘Mixtape update x’ written on it. He handed it to Mike, their fingers brushed for a moment.

“Thanks” Mike said smiling. He took a second to look at it closely. He noticed his name wasn’t written on it. Maybe he made the same for everyone this time. “Is this one also different from the others’?” He asked looking up.

“What?” Will looked a little lost.

“My name’s not on it, so I thought that maybe you made the same for everyone this time.” Mike clarified.

“Oh. No, actually I only made one for you” Will confessed, a little embarrassed, avoiding eye contact.

“Oh.” Mike’s smiled could be heard in his voice. After a second of smiling, Mike slid the tape in the radio. Soft upbeat getting louder, leading up to Tiffany’s voice singing. Mike chortled, recognizing the song ‘I think we’re alone now’. “Quite fitting” He said, standing up.

“Yeah, well, not every song on this is a masterpiece. Sometimes there are just nice an-” Will spoke really fast and didn’t see Mike walk towards him. He took both his hands in his which made Will stop talking.

“Hey, I like it” He reassured the smaller boy.

Will’s lips parted; his eyes looking at Mike’s loving gaze, through his eyelashes. They were so close their chest could almost touch. Mike’s thumb stroked the back of Will’s hand. Will was now painfully aware of his heart beating faster. Just like in the song in the background, there was a tension building between them. Then the chorus hit and Mike started lip syncing.

“I think we’re alone now” He made faces as he silently sang. Will failed to hide his smile by pinching his lips together.

“Doesn’t seem to be anyone around” Mike moved his shoulders up and down to the rhythm. The green eyed boy slowly shook his head.

“I think we’re alone now” He nodded his head, moving their liked hands above their heads, encouraging Will to join him. He only responded with big eyes and a small smirk. The immediately sang the next part.

“The beating of our hearts is the only sound” Will dramatically grabbed his shirt over his heart. They both laughed then continued to dance and sing along the 1987 pop song. Throwing limps, jumping up and down until the very last note.

The next song started playing and Will felt nervous. He could not, for the love of him, sing ‘Can’t fight this feeling’ to Mike. It held way too much meaning.

“So, um about that campaign” He said bringing Mike’s attention to him and away from the song.

“Oh, uh yeah” He scratched the back of his head. “I kinda lied.” His nose wrinkled up.

“Why?” Will wasn’t sad about the campaign but rather confused as to Mike lied. “I would’ve come anyway.”

“I- sorry that was stupid” Mike said, sitting down on the couch.

“Not stupid, pointless maybe.” He teased. He followed him on the couch.

“It’s just that we haven’t properly hang out in a long time, and I mean we as in you and me not the party. Not that I don’t wanna hang out with the others. It’s just that we- and I ugh” Mike started to get frustrating. He couldn’t phrase properly what he meant. Will placed his hand on top of Mike’s. Sliding it off as soon as he got his attention.

“I missed you too” He said softly. Mike smiled. They sat, their backs flat against the couch, head thrown back looking at the ceiling.

Their hands were so close on the couch, fingers almost touching. They stayed silent for at least 30 seconds. None of them daring to move. The song in the background became louder and louder in Will’s mind. Quite fitting. What Mike had said only minutes ago, echoed in his mind. After all, if Will had to describe or explain his feelings for Mike he’d give that song as an answer.

The silence became anxiety. Will begged in his mind for Mike to say something. He was about to break this heartbeat raising silence when he felt Mike’s thin fingers slowly overlapping his. He waited a couple of seconds before moving his towards him. Will’s heart beat for a total different reason but didn’t slowdown nonetheless.

And just like in a movie, their fingers intertwined at the very moment the chorus started. Like their hands they became one. Their breathing and heartbeats synchronized with each other. Mike tightened his grip and Will responded by doing so, as well. Euphoria ran through their bodies, and drew the biggest smiles on their faces.

Mike turned his face to look at Will as a reassurance that this was real and not a dream. Will after fearing this was all a hallucination decided to look at him. He saw his best friend smile like he never saw him smile before. They probably looked so dumb beaming at each other but Will didn’t care. He felt all warm and fuzzy inside, he slid down the couch, smiling. Mike followed him and put his head on Will’s shoulder.

They stayed like this for the rest of the song, and the next one, and the next one. After about 20 minutes of comfortable silence they got back to talking. The conversation not mentioning their still linked hands or addressing the situation whatsoever.

 He met Hopper on the way home. He parked his truck right next to his mom’s green car. He got off his bike as the sheriff got out his car.

“Hey, kiddo” He greeted him, opening the front door.

“Hi Hop!” He ran inside.

They came home right on time for dinner. Joyce was in the kitchen finishing to season the salad. El was setting the table. Will put his backpack on the floor and hung his coat next to Jim’s. He walked passed El, smiled at her, and entered the kitchen to greet his mom.

“Hi mom” He said happiness all over his face. “I’ll go help El for the table do you need me to do anything else?”

“Hi honey, um no I’m finished thank you” She sounded a bit surprised. He went back to El and finished setting the table, humming a song while doing so. Joyce and Jim shared a look, both clueless of why he was acting so weird.

“Someone’s in a good mood” Jim said, looking at an almost dancing Will. He turned to Joyce. “Where was he coming back from? I met him in the way home.” He asked.

“Mike’s” Joyce simply answered. She picked up the salad bowl and brought it on the table.

“I see” Jim nodded.

Joyce wasn’t the best cook in the world but she tried. Her cooking skilled improve a lot since Hopper and El moved in. Jim was actually really good at cooking and Joyce picked up on some cooking techniques.

 After everyone was finished Jim proposed to do the dishes, which no one disagreed to. The parents planed on watching tv for the evening but El and Will had other things in mind. They went back to El’s bedroom.

“Okay, what do we start with?” Will said. She went to her desk and picked up a green pen. She put it flat against the wooden desk.

“Try to make it levitate.” She said.

He looked at it, lying there. He got a bit closer. He took a deep breath and concentrated. He focused his entire mind on it. He even tried to put his hand in the air like she did. Nothing. It did not move an inch.

“I can’t” Will said, his arm falling.

“Try to visualize it floating, like it’s the only thing you want.” She encouraged him, not to give up.

Will tried again. Following her advice. He closed his eyes again. He felt energy around him. The more he concentrated the more he felt it. At one point he realized that the energy was actually coming from him. It felt like a halo all around him. He was so used to darkness that light coming from him felt unfamiliar. He opened his eyes to check if the pen was floating. He couldn’t see because of how bright the room had become. His eyes adjusted, the pen was still on the desk but the room stayed brighter than it usually was. Will looked around and saw El looking between him and the three lights in the room. He fully came back to himself and stopped concentrating. The three lights faded to come back to their usual amount of glow.

Will felt drained. Blood ran down his nostrils. El handed him a tissue. He wiped his nose and sat down in her desk chair. The door opened and Hopper entered looking alerted.

“El what’s going on? The lights went crazy in the lounge and in the kitchen” He said.

“That… wasn’t me” El couldn’t lie. Sometimes to protect others she would, but she avoided hiding the truth. Jim’s eyes went from El to Will who held a blooded tissue. He weakly smiled. Then Hopper said.

“You have-

 -POWERS!?” Dustin shouted.

“Sshhh, stop shouting” Will said, nervously looking around them.

“How did you find out?” Mike asked.

“He made the lights go crazy in the entire house” El said excitedly.

“Can you show us?” Max asked curious.

“Not in here” Will responded.

“Do you also bleed like El?” Lucas asked.

“Yeah” Will nodded.

The conversation went on like that for the next 10 minutes. Random question followed by a quick response by either El or Will, mainly Will. After the bell rang, the went their way to their class. Mike followed Will and put his headphones on Will’s head. He recognized the mixtapes he gave Mike the other day. ‘Don’t you (forget about me)’ currently playing.

“You like it?” Will said a bit too loud. He took off the headphones and gave them back to Mike. “Sorry”

“I love it actually. I listened to it all yesterday.” Mike said smiling. They walked close to each other; their hands sometimes bumping into each other, and once or twice one of them would linger the touch. They didn’t even notice or acknowledge Lucas and Max walking behind them.

“All of it! There are like one and a half hour worth of songs on there.” Will said looking at Mike.

“Oh I know” Mike responded. They were so caught up in their conversation that it only struck Will that they were headed to geography.

“Mike you don’t have geography with me…” Will frowned and his eyes narrowed.

“No why?” Mike was clueless.

“Because we’re Friday and I have geography class first period”

“Oh shit, um Friday, yeah Advanced English, got it bye” He almost went to kiss Will’s cheek but chickened out at the last moment, then left running. Will laughed. “Idiot” He whispered.

 Electrokinesis was what Dustin called it. After Will showed the party what he could do, Dustin helped him research information on the subject. El helped him by training. He’d also do it by himself but found more motivation by doing it with someone. Once he learned how to control it and manage his energy, they tried other things.

El had more than one powers, and Will had been able to travel in the void as well. Their search material was primarily comic books. Who could blame them? They were still kids in a way and all they knew about superpowers came from there. Lucas had made a list of characters with electrokinesis or powers along those lines. From there they tried all the other powers those characters had. It turned out to be a good idea because that’s how they discovered that he could influence the weather. Mainly make it rain or create a small storm.

He could also control electronics, which was convenient to turn on and off the radio or the tv. He was basically a walking remote. He could also connect his mind to certain channel or amplify signals.

 All those discoveries took place throughout a week, and at the weekend that followed left Will alone in the house. Joyce and Hopper decided to go on a romantic weekend in a lake house three hours away from Hawkins, for their anniversary. With El at Max’s for a sleepover and Jonathan still in college, Will was on his own.

Mike had suggested a sleepover but as always Will refused. It had started to raise Mike’s suspicions. Will always insisted on not staying, saying he didn’t want to bother, or that he slept better at his house; which obviously were lies. This time he pretexted to have homework he had to work on.

He ate his microwaved diner sat alone watching some boring shows on television. It was quite sad actually; being all alone. He made the light brighter, trying to make the place feel more alive. But it still felt cold.

He had been so happy this past week. So happy that he could almost forget the nightmares. Almost. They always came back at night. But they seemed to be less scary as time passed. Will thought that maybe they finally grew on him and that meant that he could potentially have a good night of sleep soon.

He didn’t.

He was trapped in his mind again. This endless circle of darkness and feeling trapped. The feeling of pure cold through his body. The line between reality and his mind had become almost nonexistent.

Mike having the starring role this time. Sometimes by being the victim of his nightmares, or sometimes, and frankly Will couldn’t tell which was worse, by acting as his nightmares.

Will told himself that it wasn’t Mike speaking. It wasn’t his voice he was hearing. It wasn’t his words cutting scars in his heart. It wasn’t his spit hitting his face. It wasn’t his hands pushing him to the ground. It wasn’t his feet kicking his ribs. But as his vision blurred, so did the truth and he started to believe it.

The nightmare went back and forth for hours. From seeing Mike getting tortured, to being tortured by Mike, to watching Mike getting tortured to-

Will for the first time in such a long agonizing time woke up screaming. It kind of felt therapeutic but he couldn’t tell at the time. He had contained himself for so long that he kept on screaming and crying for five minutes. Warm almost burning tears against his frozen cheeks.

He clenched his fists in the bedsheets and kept the covers so close to his torso. He wanted to pull his eyes out to stop the tears. He screamed so loud he swore he felt his ear-drum vibrate. He let out so much of untold feeling he broke a couple of light bulbs.

When he stopped shouting. The silence was almost deafening. His wet eyelashes met his wet cheeks and his chest rose slowly. That’s when it clicked. He didn’t want to be alone. He felt so scared, even awake. He suddenly had the urge to be held and comforted. Without thinking about it twice he grabbed his Supercom and sat on the bed.

A couple of years ago he wouldn’t have been able to reach him. He lived too far away. But now that wasn’t a problem anymore. Will concentrated, which considering the circumstances was pretty hard to do, to amply the signals of his Supercom for it to reach Mike’s. He felt so weak, so were his words through the machine.

“Mike…” It almost came out as a whisper. “Mike… it’s Will… really… you” Will was drained, he barely had any energy left so the signal kept breaking. ”… -ease … up… Mike” Will was about to give up when Mike finally picked up.

“Will is… you? …-at’s wrong?”

“Please come.” With those last words Will stopped broadcasting his message. He fell back, his head hitting the pillow.

 Mike had no idea of what happened. He only knew one thing Will needed him. He didn’t care that it was 3:27am. He got up, took his shoes and coat and hopped on his bike. One the way to Will’s house, a lot went through Mike’s mind. Did Will get attacked? Was the Mind Flayer back? Was Will hurt? When the house came in sight, he almost tripped getting off his bike. He knocked on Will’s window first then went up to the front door to keep pounding.

The door opened. By itself. That was new. Mike entered threw his coat and shoes on the floor. He saw smithereens of light bulbs everywhere next to the lamps. He felt anxiety build in his stomach. He ran to Will’s bedroom; the door was already opened. He almost didn’t want to go in, scared of what he might find.

What he actually found was Will throwing himself in Mike’s arms. He was shaking and sweating yet felt so cold. Automatism took over. He hugged him so tight, brought his hands up Wills hair, his cheek against the trembling boy’s temple. Will clenched his fists in Mike’s pajamas shirt. He could feel his nails dig in his shoulders, not caring if it left a mark. Will pushed forward and held onto Mike like his life depended on it.

“Don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me.” Will said in the crook of Mike’s neck.

“I’m not going anywhere” Mike’s hands slid up and downs Will’s back calming him down. They stayed like that for a moment. Their bodies slightly rocking from right to left.

Mike pulled away just enough to see Will’s face. He placed his hand on his left cheek, and wiped away tears with his thumb. Will melted in his touch, closing his eyes. Mike took his hands and led them to the bed. He laid Will down bringing the covers up to his chest. He pulled away and Will first instinct in his worried and scared state, was to grab Mike’s wrist.

“Hey…, I’m coming back. I’m just getting you some water.” Mike spoke softly. Will nodded and slowly loosened his grip, letting him go. Mike walked to the kitchen. Will turned his head to the window noticing the rain. He wondered if Mike had to bike all the way here under the rain, but he didn’t look or felt wet.

Mike came back with the water he closed the door behind him. He put the glass down, on the bedside table. Will suddenly felt thirsty, like his throat had become sand. He drank half of it in exactly three seconds. Mike watched him swallow the water, sat beside him, on the bed.

“Stay the night. Please.” Will asked.

“Of course” Mike didn’t even think about it. Just like he didn’t think about getting a sleeping bag. He automatically slid in the covers next to Will, which was exactly what he needed right now. Closeness, comfort, warmth and… love.

For a second, they were lying next to each other only their sides touching. It felt a little bit awkward. The bed wasn’t that big but not too small either. They could fit both. However, it wasn’t the most comfortable position.

“Do you want me to-”

“Just hold me please” Will said quickly; interrupting him. Mike did as he was told and put his arm around the boy. Will immediately felt safer. Will curled up into Mike. His head on his chest, the beating of his heart calming him down. Their legs intertwined. They were like two jigsaw pieces, fitting perfectly into each other like they were made to. Like their body were made based of each other’s.

Mike tightened his embrace to press their bodies closer. Will buried his face in the crook of his neck and nuzzled in the warmth. He hadn’t feel this at peace in a very long time. In fact, he couldn’t remember the last time he felt this way. Steady breathing against his neck, Mike got a little nervous. Every breath sending shivers down his spine. To stop himself from thinking about it too much, Mike found something to keep his mind busy. He brought his hands to Will’s head and ran his fingers through chestnut hair.

“Is this okay?” He whispered.

“Very” Will said. They stayed like that for a moment. Mike thought Will had fallen asleep until he felt him move, his body was shaking, he was crying again.

“Shhh, it’s okay. It’s okay.” Mike ran his hands on his back then heard Will mumble something near his ear.

“Mike… I can’t stand the thought of losing you.” Will sobbed. Hearing this broke Mike’s heart. His best friend was in his arms sobbing. How could he had let this happen? Why didn’t he pick up on Will’s behavior sooner?

“Hey, you’re not gonna loose me. It was just a bad dream” His hand was on his cheek, his thumb wiping the tears away. Will was so terrified that this could be the beginning of yet another nightmare.

“How do I know this is real?” He looked at his face. “How do I know you’re real?” Their eyes met, watching each other like they were looking directly at the other’s soul. Only looking away to get a glimpse of lips.

“I’m real.” Mike held Will’s face. He felt his own heart beat in his ear and if he paid enough attention he could feel Will’s as well. He leaned in so their noses could touch. The tip of his nose caressed Will’s. “And so is this.” And with one final movement forward their lips collided. Their eyes closed almost immediately. Mike’s hand moved to the back of Will’s neck and brought him closer.

Will felt his heart explode in his chest. Firework of feelings finally allowed to exist outside of his mind. The kiss felt like a breath of fresh air. Like Mike’s lips were the oxygen Will needed, to keep living. Paradoxically, their lips moved together until Will noticed that he wasn’t breathing. Mike pulled away briefly, nuzzled Will’s nose, making him understand that he had to breathe through his nose. It seemed logic but this was technically his first kiss.

After they both caught their breath, Mike kissed him a second time. The boy beneath him let out the tiniest whimper and Mike took it as a greenlight to deepen the kiss. He took his bottom lip in his own, bit down softly, enough to make Will’s mouth open a little bit wider. He slid his tongue inside and kissed him passionately. This new foreign sensation drove Will crazy. He brought his hands in Mike’s hair and clenched his fist in his dark locks. He wasn’t expecting Mike’s reaction. It being a moan and shaky breathing against his cheek. Euphoria ran through Will’s veins.

He smiled against Mike’s lips, who pulled away, breathing heavily. Will kept his eyes closed. He didn’t want to open them to find that Mike regretted what they had done. The only sound in the room was their breathing slowing down. When he finally decided to open his eyes, he was relied to find Mike lovingly staring at him. Will couldn’t believe his eyes. He hadn’t felt so alive for god knows when.

They didn’t talk. They didn’t have to. Simply staring at each other was enough. After studying carefully Will’s pupils Mike brought their bodies together on last time before sleep took over both of them.

Moonlight became sunlight, bright warmth caressing their silhouettes in the sheets. Mike was the first one to wake up. He had thought about going to the kitchen and making them breakfast. But then he looked at Will’s sleeping face and instead decided to stay in bed to stare at him. He was beautiful.

Mike had always found him pretty, but not to the point where his heart would beat at such an unsteady rhythm, until a couple of years back. The triggering point probably was Will’s disappearance, when they were 13. The thought of losing him and the idea that he’d have to live the rest of his life without him by his side was soul crushing. Then he came back and it felt like his heart could finally go back to make him feel alive.

The relationship he and Will had since they were little, had always been different from any other he had with anyone. As they grew older it became clearer that what they had should only be between them, hidden from the rest of the world.

Mike tried so hard to hide it that ended up hiding it from himself as well and slowly started to be distant. He quit playing d&d, started properly dating El and avoided at all cost being alone with Will. He was so scared that old habits would resurface.

Although, sometimes they did. He’d unconsciously put his arm around Will’s shoulder, take his hands to lead him somewhere or that one time, at the cinema, where Will’s pinky finger accidentally brushed against his and Mike instinctively intertwined them.

Mike felt Will move on his torso. The boy stretched his legs, and hit Mike’s lower stomach. He yawned, hugged Mike tighter and sighed, face buried in his neck. Mike was now aware that he had to get up although he didn’t want to, he needed to.

“Will” He said softly, voice raspy from the sleep. “Are you awake?” He asked.

“No” Will replied, sounding barely awake. Mike chucked.

“Will, I need to pee” Mike insisted. Will rose his head, with one eye closed he looked at Mike. The soft look on he wore made Will let out shaky breath. Last night wasn’t a dream, he was real. Mike tried to moved which reminded Will of how their body were pressed together. Did I sleep on him the entire night? He thought. He felt heat waves through his body and his ears starting to heat up.

“Fine” He fake groaned, lifting his body. He watched Mike get up and gave him a smile, he ruffled his hair, heading towards the bathroom.

Will fell back on the pillow and used the covers to hide his flushed face. He stayed under the covers a moment before he decided to get up. He heard Mike flushing the toilet then saw him come back to the room.

“You hungry?” He asked from the door frame.

“Uh, yeah” Will said. He followed Mike to the kitchen. Mike sat on the counter while Will looked through the cupboards.

“So, chef Byers what’s on the menu on this fine Sunday morning?” Mike playfully asked. Will chuckled.

“I can make pancake?” It came out more like a question.

“You can?” He sounded surprised.

“I mean Jonathan showed me once, but I never actually tried it myself…”

“How about I make us scrambled eggs?” He got off the counter and walked towards the fridge, grabbing the eggs.

“That’s probably a better idea, yeah” Will said.

Mike turned out to be a pretty good cook. He probably learned from his mom. This woman was the best cook in all Hawkins. Will had always loved it when he got to stay the night and eat dinner with the Wheelers.

They ate in silence, except for Will complimenting Mike’s cooking skills every five minutes. After they finished their eggs, Will got up to clear their plates. He put Them in the sink to wash later. He was about to turn around when he felt arms around his waist. He froze, the fork fell from his hand and hit the plate.

He inhaled quite sharply when he felt Mike’s lips against his nape. Shivers ran across his back when Mike actually placed a kiss there. He breathed deeply and his whole body relaxed. He tilted his head and felt a second kiss, this time lower and closer to his shoulder. Then another and another, Will turned around faster than his heartbeat and caught Mike’s lips. Grabbing onto his shirt bringing him down.

Kissing in the daylight felt different. Still enjoyable and mind blowing, but different. It felt like they were more vulnerable, more likely to be caught. They kissed until their lips turned crimson and their lungs felt empty. Will pulled away, hands still clutching onto the taller boy’s shirt. Suddenly insecurities came back haunting him.

“Mike I need to know if this is real…” He looked at his hands, avoiding Mike’s gaze.

“It is Will” Mike took Will’s face between his hands. Hoping touch would make him realize it was reality.

“No, I mean,” He looked up, locking their eyes. “I mean this, us” He whispered the last word feeling self-conscious for even saying it out loud. His eyes made movements from eyes to lips. Mike felt his heart sink.

“Of course!” Mike said. “I thought I made it clear, last night, that I like you” Mike looked at the floor and bit his lips.

“Right, I’m sorry” Will shook his head, eyes closed.

“Hey, no, don’t apologize!” Mike said, lifting Will’s chin to look at him.

“I like you too by the way” Will was expecting his heart to go wild but it didn’t. It stayed steady. Because he felt comfortable. Mike made him feel comfortable.

“I-I like you too” Mike said then instantly felt stupid repeating himself. It made Will smile and even chuckle.

“Do you want to watch a movie or something?” Will asked.

“Only if I can kiss you on the couch” Mike said, smirking. He placed his hands on the counter trapping Will between his arms.

“Okay, Romeo” Will said, moving his arm to go under and led them to the living room.

They spent the afternoon watching movie they knew by heart, -mostly trying to get quotes right and recreating the dialogues- cuddling on the couch.  A kiss here and there, but apart from that they remained the same. Throwing popcorns at each other while making fun of the characters being stupid at some point in the movie.

Mike was so caught up in making Will feel happy and at the same time making himself happy, that he forgot to phone his mom to tell her that he was at Will’s. While the boys were living the best afternoon in their life, Karen was worrying as to where her son had gone.

They were in their third movie when the phone in the kitchen rang. Will got up to answer and was surprised to hear Karen’s voice. After being informed that her son was there she demanded to speak to him. Will could hear Ms. Wheeler’s voice yelling at Mike through the phone. He apologized and promised to be home for dinner.

The credits of the fourth film scrolled down the screen. They stopped paying attention twenty minutes ago, deciding that cuddling was more interesting. A single blanket covering them. Holding hands, playing with hair, hugging, sharing warmth, kiss.

The front door opened, with no warning.

“-ha ha, very funny.” They both recognized Hopper’s sarcastic tone. He entered the house with two suitcases in his arms, heading to the bedroom. They pulled away and sat up as fast as they could.

“I’m just sayin- oh, hi boys.” Joyce entered the house with a bag of groceries in her hands. She walked to the dining room and placed the bag on the table. “Will, you should’ve told me you were having a sleepover I would’ve bought diner or left you money for pizza.” They looked at each other hoping an answer was hiding in the other’s pupil.

“Well, it was kinda last minute” Will said. At last El came in, carrying a bag as well, and closed the door behind her.

“Is Mike here? I saw his bike outside.” El said. She turned around and saw the boys on the couch. “Oh. I guess he is” She smiled hello and brought the bag to Joyce.

“I’m leaving actually” Mike said standing up.

“You are?” Will said under his breath. Mike looked down at Will’s face.

“You’re not staying for dinner?” Joyce asked almost at the same time, sorting the food items.

“No I told my mom I’d be back for dinner” He answered. Will stood up and followed Mike to the door. He put his shoes and coat on saying goodbye to everyone. He opened the door and headed outside.

“See you tomorrow at school” He was about to hop on his bike but Will stopped him. After looking and closing the door behind him, he made Mike face him and kissed him one last time.

“See you tomorrow” He said then watched Mike leave. He slipped and almost fell off his bike, screaming ‘I’m okay’ before continuing to bike away until he was out of sight.

It took approximatively two and a half second for the party to realize there had been an upgrade in Will and Mike’s relationship. However, the boys, in their total obliviousness state, thought they were doing a great job at behaving normally. Which they were, except for the stolen kisses when they thought no one was watching, the intense yet quick making out session in the school bathroom or in the closet at Mike’s house, not even mentioning the now recurring sleepovers.

He now allowed himself to stay over at his friends’ for movie nights. Sleeping right next to Mike made him less scared of being caught waking up in the middle of the night. As soon as he woke up Mike would immediately hold him and sooth him back to sleep avoiding bothering their friends. After a couple of weeks, they started to sense that their friends might have found out about them. They got the confirmation one morning after a sleepover at the Wheeler’s.

That morning they had slept in late. The others were up while the lovebirds were cuddling in their shared sleeping bag. Will hugging Mike like a koala on a tree. Dustin, El, Lucas and Max staring at them.

“Shall we wake them up?” Lucas asked, sat legs crossed, next to Max who was still lying down.

“But they look so peaceful” Max said getting up on her elbows. They all shared a look. She wore a mischievous smile while getting up, walking towards the curtains blocking the sunlight. She opened them loudly.

“MORNING!” She said loudly. Both Mike and Will jumped awake. Mike’s first instinct being throwing an arm around his boyfriend.

Brightness blinding them and confusion on their face they slowly got back to reality and detached themselves from one another. Silence installed itself in the room while Will anxiously tried to find an excuse. He swallowed.

“I-I got really cold a-and Mike’s pretty warm an-”

“Could you cut the bullshit and admit you’re dating already” Dustin interrupted him, from the couch.

El sat on the floor tried her best not to burst into laugh. He could almost hear her laugh in his mind, which is when he realized how stupid it was. Of course their friends wouldn’t care. They were actually happy for them. Will had been conditioned his whole life to be scared of his feelings, that they were wrong -thanks to his dad and bullies at school- that he almost believed it at some point.

“Were we that obvious?” Mike asked his hand rubbing his neck, sore from sleeping on the floor.

“Dude! you were that obvious even before you started dating!” Lucas said hand gesturing at them. And with that they all laughed so hard.

 Every time Will thought that he had reached the level of happiness to finally get rid of his nightmares, the night reminded him of how wrong he was. The more he dreamed the more frustrated he got. He just didn’t understand. Why did he keep having them?

He finally opened up to Mike about them, explaining every details and how he felt every time he woke up. They spent the night crying in each other’s arms. Will feeling relieved to get this out off of his chest after years and years of repression, but still insecure and scared on why they never went away; and Mike feeling miserable for not having done anything even though he didn’t know and felt sorry for not picking up on things.

Will thought that maybe opening up was the key and once he admitted the existence of his night terrors to someone they would go away and leave him alone. Needless to say it sadly wasn’t.

Will started to think his case was hopeless, but not Mike. He convinced him to talk about it to the others. Will was septic at first but after a couple of well-argued discussion, he gave in.

He didn’t go full graphic description for his friends but told enough to raise worry.

“And you’ve been having those ever since…” Max said.

“Since the upside down yeah.” He answered.

“Are they always the same ones?” Lucas asked in his turn. They room was so silent apart drom their voice.

“Mostly, although they became worse in a way” He looked at Mike remembering the shift in the pattern when Mike appeared in them. “The night El found out about it we woke up at the same time and”

“Wait wait” Mike cut Will and turned to El. “You knew?!” Mike  raised his voice.

“I-”

“And you did nothing!” Mike screamed. The others were speechless.

“Mike…” Will said.

“I- I’m sorry I didn’t-” She shook her head, her eyes watering she just now realized that maybe she could’ve done something.

“You’re sorry! You’ve literally been in his head and you didn’t notice how bad it was?! You’re living with him; how did you not notice?” There he was, word vomiting again, feeling so mad that there was no filter. He was projecting his own failure onto her which wasn’t fair.

Will had told him about their psychic bond and how they could hear each other’s thoughts. Right now he couldn’t hear her mind but feel it. He felt a wave of sadness and remorse.

“Mike, stop!” Will screamed. Mike faced the boy and seeing his face tightened his throat. He looked back at El and noticed a tear rolling down her left cheek.

“I’m sorry, El. I shouldn’t have lashed out onto you” Mike apologized. His voice low soundinf sincere.

“It’s okay” El said. Smiling weakly she looked at Mike in the eyes letting him know that she forgave him. He smiled back then looked at the floor. The room fell back to silence for another minute.

“What did you mean when you said she’s been in his head?” Dustin asked.

“Oh yeah, um, they have this thing where they can read each other’s mind and stuff” Mike said.

“Pretty cool, huh” Will said looking at his friends smiling, trying to lighten the mood.

“Yeah” Max chuckled then nodded. El was quiet. She thought about what Mike had said before, then frowned. In his head. In his head.

“That’s it!” She shouted. “In his head!” They all looked confused not following. “I could try going into his mind and see if I can… fix him”

“You could do that?” Will said breathing deeply. She looked at him in the eyes, held his gaze looking serious.

“I can do it” She confidently said. She had to.

They all went to Will’s room and sat in circle. El in front of Will and Mike on his right holding his hand. He used his powers to turn on his radio and El blind folded herself, statics and breathing being the only sound in the room.

They closed their eyes and they suddenly were the only ones in the bedroom except the room wasn’t a room anymore. It was pitch black all around them. They opened their eyes and the where standing in the void facing each other. She reached for him, placed his hand on his head. She felt his green eyes pierce her soul. Her head was about to explode when she felt her body sinking.

In the bedroom El jumped and her breathing accelerated.

All of a sudden he was gone and she was standing in the woods, pouring rain echoing. It was so dark, no stars in the sky. She walked backwards and felt a twig break under her foot. She turned around and saw Castle Byers, or what was left of it…

Dark smoke was surrounding it. She got closer and found a bat lying in a puddle. As she picked it up she could hear a masculine deep voice shouting. She didn’t recognize it but could understand clearly the words. Useless fag, If I wanted a girl I would’ve adopted one. The words hurt, but not as much as the pain she suddenly felt in her ribs, like someone was kicking her. It stopped as soon as she let go of the bat. She winced then kept walking.

She saw a shotgun entangled in blinking Christmas lights. The closer she got the faster the blinked and she could hear this weird noise. It was definitely inhuman but she couldn’t tell what it was exactly. She crouched to grab the gun in the lights but the bulbs exploded before she could touch it. She looked up and kept walking.

She got close enough to be surrounded by the smoke. It was getting hard to breathe. She felt the smoke going through her nose and mouth filling her lungs. Like the smoke had a mind of its own, traveling though her body. She brought her hands to her throat.

“El are you okay?” Max said worrying. El was clearly choking.

The smoke slowly but surely faded in her lungs, disappearing, leaving a taste of sadness in her heart. This feeling of emptiness amplifying as she got closer to the ruins.

“I’m okay”

She was right at the entrance. The castle was barely standing. She picked up a branch and put it back on the side. She looked at her feet and saw half of a picture. She went to pick it up but it flew away before she got the chance to look at it more carefully. Under it, on the floor there were a hammer and some nails in a box. She thought for a minute. She had never done it before but it could work. She picked up the hammer and made the nails float. She used her mind to raise the roof of the castle. She rearranged the branches and started hammering nails and building back the memory.

Before she took her blindfold off, she noticed it had stopped raining and the sun was rising. She came back to the bedroom panting. She searched the room for Will and found him sat on Mike’s lap clutching his shirt, crying on his shoulder. They were both exhausted and drained.

When the night came he felt nervous. He knew something had changed in him, he could feel it but was it enough? He had asked Mike to stay the night in case it didn’t work, so he won’t be alone. The went to bed at 10 pm. Mike soon fell asleep holding Will, but Will stayed awake for a while until sleep took over him.

Swings, a smile and a handshake. A radio, a brother and some new music. An arcade, bright orange and laughter. A shaved head then curls then a thought. A bike, a skateboard then flying. Freckles, warmth then sunlight.

Will opened his eyes. He felt his heat beat. The feeling of emptiness and darkness nowhere to be seen. He was shaking, glossy eyes looked at the boy in the sheets next to him. He sniffed and let out a breath. Mike awoke hearing him whimper.

“Hey, are you okay” Mike was expecting the worse. A single tear fell down Will’s check.

“Yes, It’s just that… I almost forgot what dreaming felt like” Will said his voice shaking.

Mike looked at him smiling, feeling and looking so relived. He took Will’s face and pressed their lips together, hard, which caught Will off guard, eyes wide for a second. He melted into the kiss, closing his eyes. He ran a hand through Mike’s messy morning hair and kissed him back. They pulled away and Will felt almost dizzy that he let words slip out his mouth.

“I love you” He sleepily said. Not processing what he said until he saw Mike beaming and felt his chest move, on top of his, as he breathed. He almost wanted to take it back but he didn’t need to.

“I love you too, Will” It was all it took for Will to feel his heart turn to fireworks sending euphoric wave of heat through his entire body.

And maybe, they might be more okay than they thought. 

[eintsein]

Warning: 10 min read ahead :)

Coming into freshman year, I was relatively optimistic. However, I also did that thing where I prevent myself from having too strong of an opinion or extreme expectations (whether it’s positive or negative) before actually experiencing something, in order not to settle on a premature judgment. Even so, before starting freshman year, I was excited for a huge change - I was sick of mundane high school life. When I finally started college, man, was it liberating.

On Intellectual Development

I’d been taking more or less the same classes throughout high school. These classes covered the exact same topics - the only difference was the depth of the material. In college, however, I got to study a breadth of topics and subjects - astronomy, anthropology, information science, philosophy - subjects into which I barely dipped my toes, and when I did so, it was only through the books I read in my own time.

Choosing a liberal arts school is one of the best decisions I ever made because it exposes me to so many things I simply did not have access to in the earlier stages of my intellectual development. Like, yeah, I can read philosophy books whenever I want, but who will I talk to when I don’t understand an argument? How can I discipline my thinking, my writing, my approach to this new learning material? I can find any topic fascinating, but I can’t exactly set my mind on any of them because I haven’t had proper academic exposure. Plus, where high school humanities courses were easy and contained little engagement - just lots of material - the humanities courses I took in my freshman year of college got me thinking and reflecting and engaging with the material even when I didn’t intend to.

What I particularly enjoyed was the discussion sections in humanities courses. For those less familiar with the system, each course usually has a weekly discussion where students are split up into smaller classes and get to discuss anything related to the course material that week. I am not a naturally talkative or articulate person by any standard, let alone compared to Americans, so obviously these discussions were very challenging. But aside from helping me practice putting my thoughts into words and to interact verbally with academic material, these discussions did allow me to engage with the material in a way that I could not have alone, in a way that a STEM course probably could not be discussed.

My STEM courses, however, had their own merits. I very much enjoyed the project based, hands-on approach of most of the classes, especially when teamwork is involved. For my final project for a web programming and design course, my team and I got to make a website for an on-campus, student-run grocery store. For my intro CS final project, I got to code an entire game of alien invaders. This was so refreshing compared to the STEM courses I did in high school, where I was basically just learning the theory for 6 months, and then drilling past papers for the next 6 months. Theory in these STEM courses are also more involved and require more thinking, while high school science courses tend to be on the mechanical side.

College is also liberating because whenever I have the urge to understand something more deeply or find an ever-present curiosity sitting in the back of my mind, I can always enroll in a course or attend a lecture, instead of always being redirected to a predetermined course combination that doesn’t allow for intellectual exploration, and settling for an article, a youtube video, or a book instead. It’s an amazing feeling to always have a fountain of knowledge with which I can quench my intellectual thirst.

When it comes to learning things, I still have the same attitude as the wide-eyed freshman when I first came last fall. I kinda wish I had experimented more instead of jumping into my ‘intended major’, though. In my first two semesters here, I took astronomy, anthropology, comparative literature, computer science, economics, information science, mathematics, and philosophy, which is already quite a diverse course combination, but there are some other subjects I’d like to try out and definitely could have if I hadn’t settled for a major upon entering college. But wherever I end up - and I still have a year to decide - I’m sure I’ll choose something interdisciplinary and requires diverse ways of thinking.

On Paths (in Life, School, etc.)

The intellectual and academic rigidity of high school also kind of narrowed my scope for my own future. The courses and careers built into my head were the ones I was exposed to at school, at home, or in mainstream media. However, being exposed to all this new knowledge made me realize how little I’ve experienced - certainly not enough to determine where I’m going in life - and that it’s okay to not be sure of where I want to go.

There’s this perception that you should know where you want to be in the future by the time you turn 17 or 18 or whatever age you graduate high school, maybe even earlier if you take into account the college application period. But honestly, how realistic is that? I mean, it’s great if you discover your ‘passion’ early on in life, but then where’s your room to breathe? How can you explore the other joys life has to offer? How can be so sure that the path you’re on is the right one if you haven’t walked any other or even seen other possible paths? 

College freed me from feeling like I need to be certain of where I was going. It freed me from trying to pursue a predetermined path based solely on my past academic experience, and instead focus on trying new things to build new experiences and knowledge that will evolve into a path that I enjoy every step of the way.

That also applies to choosing a major. I started out ‘wanting’ to do computer science - wanting being a loose term meaning something I thought I should do, based on my background, experience, academic strengths, and personality. But then I noticed myself being very impartial towards pursuing the major and just doing the minimum amount of work needed for the classes. I also took the minimum number of CS classes each semester because I was honestly not looking forward to them - and I didn’t particularly enjoy them when I took them.

It wasn’t the same with my Info Sci classes, for example, where I started early on projects just because they were enjoyable to do, even if they were challenging. I learned how to do certain things when they weren’t required for the class, experienced a good flow when doing the projects, actually came to class because I wanted to, had initiative when it came to group projects, made friends with people in the class who I didn’t know before taking it - I was just more involved in the class. Overall, I was more motivated to learn, and I think that’s the most important thing (maybe that’s just the ravenclaw in me, who knows).

On a smaller scale, you might be good at a certain subject in high school only to find out you’re suddenly incompetent in it and aren’t interested enough to push through it. I was a math person in high school - like I almost didn’t even have to try - but the two math classes I’ve taken so far in college were very challenging for me, and I suppose that’s a good thing because it allowed me to push my limits further and think about whether I enjoy the challenge.

Recently, I read that true happiness comes when you find problems you enjoy solving, and I think that’s a good ideology to help you choose the path you wanna take.

On Things that Spark Joy

This past year, I also found that I was a lot happier than in high school because I got to pursue the things that bring me joy, whether it’s in regard to academics as I’ve described above, extracurriculars, or things in my daily life.

I got to wake up at whatever time I wanted to and had breakfast how I liked - both in terms of food and whether I had my coffee at home or to-go, or example. I could change my physical appearance in ways that make me feel powerful and confident - in terms of clothing and hair and just how I presented myself in general. When I needed to breathe, I could walk around town or go down to the gorges. I could do my work when and where it was most convenient for me (most of the time).

With regard to extracurriculars, there were a lot of opportunities for me to try new things and continue doing the things I already love. I became a graphic designer for a cultural magazine, which allowed me to do one of my favorite things for a purpose towards which I’m happy to be working. My high school didn’t have any publications and had a seasonal need for graphic designers (mainly school events). I tried out for music groups, trained to be a DJ, watched and discussed films I wouldn’t have seen if it weren’t for Cornell Cinema, went to the concerts of bands that never come to Indonesia. I attended social events I was interested in, and skipped those that I didn’t want to go to, attended workshops, listened to guest lectures, etc. I hung out with people I enjoyed being around, instead of those with whom the only thing I had in common was physical location.

One of the things I’m still adjusting to, however, is the different dynamic of college friendships compared to high school friendships in that they’re more spread out in away - like you’d know a whole bunch of people but they don’t mutually know each other, and there isn’t really like a friend group. Maybe that’s just me. But either way, I also realized that my closest friends in high school took at least 3 or 4 years to go from merely a familiar face to people I’d call for four hours straight and send my sporadic thoughts to. So I guess I gotta be patient and have faith that with time, compatible and like-minded individuals will gravitate towards one another.

On Self-Discovery

Starting college also allowed me to be who I am and who I want to be as opposed to who people think I am and who people expect me to be. Whenever I decide to do something, I don’t have this fear of being ‘out of character’ since I haven’t entirely established who I am yet in the context of college. By doing things I've never done before, I learn things about myself that I probably could not have had I stayed in the same environment (i.e. high school).

Among other things, I noticed that if I don’t want to do something, I will deliberately sabotage myself to make it harder for me to achieve. On the other hand, if I want to succeed or do well in something, I’ll take initiative. That might seem obvious, but the thing is, I don’t always consciously know what I want or like so analyzing my own actions helps a lot. Because college exposes me to so many different material, there’s more data and information to work with, in which to recognize patterns.

A lot of the self-discovery that’s happened is personal, as it should be, but one of the things I’m really grateful for is taking that philosophy course the first semester of college. It made me reassess everything I knew and believed and decide on what values and thoughts I should keep.

I guess one thing I’d advise you to do is to experience new things and reflect on the impact of those new experiences. Sometimes it might not feel like you’ve done a ton of things after a whole year. I’ve had moments where I thought about all the things I thought I should have accomplished but didn’t, and I was like, ‘did I just waste an entire year doing nothing?’ But then I look back on the things I did do - took awesome courses, made amazing friends, got a job, learned to live on my own, etc. - and realized I gotta give myself a little more credit.

On Everything

Coming into college was a huge positive change. Something I wish I could tell myself at the beginning of the year is firstly not to fear making mistakes, so you won’t be afraid of trying new things. Keeping an open mind is great, but not entirely helpful if you don’t venture out into unknown territory to provide you with things to think about. Step out of your comfort zone and don’t be afraid to redefine yourself, but in all circumstances, don’t lose track of who you are.

If you’ve read this far, thank you so much! and please don’t hesitate to drop me an ask if you have questions or comments or concerns. Have an awesome day :)