#i feel bad saying it because i know what he really needs is several decades of vacation

[blitzyn]

relax

alhaitham x m!reader

Request: well, since requests are open, perhaps I could request an alhaitham X male s/o where s/o has been really stressed lately with school and has been overworking himself. Because of this, alhaitham being the caring boyfriend he is comes to comfort and relax his beloved s/o with sex and aftercare. If possible, pls let alhaitham call his s/o a 'good boy' and just a praise kink in general, tysm!! 💕 — @ezraelo

a/n -> this mf reminds me of my dad so i kinda wrote what I think he'd say if i was in reader's situation tbh. NOT THE SEX THOUGH. anyways pgr fic first then hate sex w/childe next its been decades since I've done him (⁠｡⁠♡⁠‿⁠♡⁠｡⁠) sigh sometimes i forget i don’t have to write so damn much

wc -> 3.6k

cw -> soft alhaitham (heart eyes pt2), anal fingering, anal sex, praise, not beta read

merry christmas and happy holidays!!

To say you were tired was an understatement—you were exhausted. Stressed. Angry. It felt like everything that could go wrong did go wrong.

First, you accidentally woke up late, was scolded by your teacher when you arrived and made the "perfect" example on what a scholar from the Akademiya should not be. Then you had to study for several hours for a few of your upcoming exams and evaluations—all while having to take some more tests the following week.

And as if that wasn't e-fucking-nough, you had done horribly on one of your essays so now you had to redo it for a better score, on top of needing to start yet another one regarding... Something. You forgot what the prompt was. Honestly, you forgot to do a lot of things. Like eat. Or drink water. Which was something that really didn't help to improve your mood.

You stumbled through the door trying to pry your uniform off, haphazardly tossing your hat to the side. You felt like shit and wanted nothing more than to flop on your bed and stay in there for the rest of your miserable life. But, like the universe was trying to give you the biggest middle finger ever, one of the loops on your clothes got caught on the corner of a counter. While you'd normally just take it off and go on your merry way, you weren't having it today and just yanked yourself forward, tearing the loop and the fabric it was connected to.

Finally making it to your room, you flopped on the bed face-first, muffling the loud groan that came from you. You stayed like that for a moment longer before turning your head, remembering to breathe deeply.

Two knocks came from the door. "You okay?" Your boyfriend, Alhaitham, asked, leaning against the frame as he stared at you.

"You're smart. Figure it out yourself," you muttered bitterly, wincing at the accusatory tone in your voice. You sighed, deciding to face him. "Sorry."

He shrugged, walking to sit on the edge of your shared bed. "What's wrong?" He questioned, his expression unchanging even when he watched your brows furrow in irritation.

"It's just... Ugh," you grumbled, rolling your eyes childishly. "Just a bad week. It feels like everything's going against me." You rolled onto your back, arms and legs sprawled out like a starfish. "I don't think I can catch up."

"You're in the Akademiya," Alhaitham said, giving you a look that made it seem like he didn't know why you were complaining. "Obviously it's going to be hard for you."

"'For you,'" you repeated, glaring at nothing in particular, but it was getting increasingly evident that you were beginning to direct your anger towards him. "Of course you don't get it. You've been smart your whole life."

He was quiet for a moment, letting you try to calm yourself before speaking again. "Don't sell yourself short like that. It's unhealthy."

You huffed. "It's not selling myself short if it's actually true." You pressed your palms against your eyes until you saw faint fireworks coloring the darkness. "I have to redo an essay because apparently it didn't go with damn prompt. Then I have to do another one, and I don't even know where to start, and—" you listed off your problems, your voice getting higher in pitch until you were on the verge of shedding tears, overwhelmed with the sheer amount of work you accidentally accumulated.

"Hey," he interrupted you, leaning to place a hand on your thigh. "Calm down." He gave you an unimpressed look when you snapped your mouth open to retort, watching you begrudgingly close it in defeat. "Breathe. You're getting worked up over things you can change."

But when you could hardly focus on utilizing the breathing techniques he taught you, he decided to take a different approach. "Let's have sex, then."

"What? Why? 'Cause of the post-nut clarity?" You sighed, rubbing your temple to stave off the impending headache after staring at him incredulously. Damn. Sometimes you forget how straightforward he could be.

Alhaitham gave you a look. It was deadpan—because when was it not?—but you could still sense the slightest bit of confusion. "If that's how you want to word it, yes," he said, before elaborating. "Sex can also help you relax and improve your immune system."

He quickly looked you up and down, and despite not saying anything, you knew what he was trying to imply. You looked like a mess.

"It can also help improve your quality of sleep," he added, crossing his arms against his chest. "It has a few other benefits than just feeling good, you know." He watched you ponder his suggestion, chewing on your lip absentmindedly before giving in with a sigh.

"Fine. But you're doing all the work," you said, propping yourself up on your elbows to look at him better.

"That was the plan." The corners of his lips quirked up in a brief, subtle smirk as he leaned to place his hands on your shoulders to gently push you back down. "Just relax."

He continued when you nodded, running his hands along your body, gently caressing every curve and contour of your frame. An eyebrow raised in question when he felt the torn patch in your clothes but decided against mentioning it as he guided you out of your suffocating uniform with practiced ease. Already, you seemed a bit calmer than earlier, giving yourself a well-deserved stretch that made you remind him of a cat.

You felt the tension beginning to seep out of your body with every article of clothing that was carelessly tossed to the floor, reaching your hands out to tug him closer. He obliged without hesitation, sighing in satisfaction when he melded his lips with yours. His hands slid below your underclothes, snaking them upwards until they found your chest. He tweaked and pinched your nipples as he moved his way downwards, placing kisses along your jawline and neck.

You softly moaned, brushing your fingers through his hair that had him leaning into your hand. He removed your shirt, trailing appreciative kisses down your sternum. A hand made its way down your front toward your pants, slipping a hand inside to wrap his fingers around your flaccid dick. Your breath hitched, instinctively widening your legs to give him better access, much to his pleasure.

He was gentle; his hands were soft and careful, and neither of you were in a rush. You felt your eyes flutter shut as your lips parted with every quiet gasp and sigh that left you, and he couldn't help but stare.

It annoyed him how little you thought of yourself when he could clearly see you as something more. Sure, it irked him how you complained about things that could easily be changed if you put your effort into it, but you were also right. He always had it academically easy and often found it hard to connect with others or understand their problems on a level that wasn't with you. He was well aware of this issue, knowing that it often hindered his ability to comfort, and—for the first time in how long?—it frustrated him.

Even if he had no idea how to properly soften his words around you or to consistently change his facial expressions, he always showed he cared by spending time with you, teaching you new things, or helping you understand foreign concepts. But even then, he was willing to try to tell you that you were more than what those pompous Akademiya professors reduced you to, that you were better than what you said you were.

"Look at me," he said, his voice soft and smooth, coaxing your pretty eyes open. He slipped his hands out of your shirt and cupped your cheeks tenderly, ensuring your focus on him. "It doesn't matter what everyone says about you when they don't understand that you have strengths that rest beyond the traditional Akademiya expectations."

"But that doesn't—"

He gave you yet another stern look, to which you quieted down with a huff. "It's okay to struggle. Everyone does at some point. Even those professors found something difficult before they became what they are. But you know what they did?"

He paused, gauging your reaction. He was aware that what he was saying probably didn't make you feel better or make the most sense, but he hoped that you could feel the sincerity in his voice. "They took a step back, took a deep breath, and figured out what they were doing wrong. They didn't do that overnight or by working themselves to the bone. That's what you need to acknowledge."

"But all my other colleagues are doing fine, and I'm the only one struggling..." You appreciated his words, truly, but they did little to quell your worries.

"Are you? How do you know that for sure?" He countered, sliding his hands down to caress your hips. He watched you pursed your lips, squirming slightly under his gaze. "Point is, you shouldn't try to compare yourself to everyone around you and overwork yourself because that only leads to bad work and a bigger hole for you to climb out of. You have everything else to be proud of—not just your academic qualities. Understand? Besides, you made it into the Akademiya. That's something very few people can do in the first place."

You looked away with a frown, but you nodded softly. Even though it sucked knowing that you weren't the best, he did have a point. Wallowing in your own failure did nothing to better yourself, as much as you hated to admit it.

"Thanks," you muttered, sniffling a little. His thumbs swiped underneath your eyes, clearing away any of the tears that happened to escape you.

"Don't let them define you. Define yourself," he said finally, leaning back down to kiss you again. It was soft, tender, unhurried, like he wanted you to feel every ounce of affection he harbored for you. He pulled away slightly, resting his forehead against yours. "Do you still want to do this?"

You nodded again, giving him a quick peck to the lips before wrapping your arms around his shoulders. "Mhm. I really need those benefits." Plus, you didn't favor being horny and sad.

Your lips curved in a smug grin when you saw his own quirk upwards in amusement, but he didn't comment on it. He sat up to tug your pants and underwear down, revealing your semi-hard cock. You shivered instinctively but kept your focus on him, waiting in anticipation for him to continue.

He leaned over to grab a bottle of lube from your nightstand, squeezing a generous amount on his fingers before pressing one into your hole. You sighed, sinking your teeth into your lower lip. He only offered a few pumps of his hand before adding a second one in, gently spreading them apart in a scissoring motion.

He wrapped his free hand around your cock, slowly jerking you off. He rubbed his thumb over the tip to smear the precum across your skin as wet sounds gradually filled the room. You noticed his eyes locked on your face and the expressions you wore, committing them to memory. He added a third finger for good measure, feeling you tense reflexively before relaxing just as fast.

"You're doing so good, [Name]," he praised, his voice low. He curled his fingers, pressing them against your prostate. He could feel his cock twitch in his pants at the sound of your moan, straining against the fabric. "I'm almost done. Then we can start."

You nodded, inhaling sharply through your nose when he began targeting the sensitive spot inside you. You could practically feel every surge of heat shoot up and down your spine, ending at your fingertips. Alhaitham could feel it too, every time your cock throbbed in his hold.

Your body felt warm and tingly when he moved both hands away from your body, wiping them off using a few tissues atop your nightstand. He grabbed the lube again and poured some on his palm to coat his cock, using his free hand to spread one of your thighs a bit wider. He peered up through his lashes, subtly raising an eyebrow in question. He continued as soon as you nodded, slowly pushing himself inside you.

You both let out a satisfied groan as he filled you, grasping onto his wrists as he held onto your hips.

"Fuck," he hissed, pushing further until he bottomed out completely. "You're such a good boy. You're taking me in so well." He perked up in attention when he felt you tighten at his words, noting how your eyes fluttered shut like you were savoring them. He wasn't overly aware of this newfound information, but maybe you had accidentally brought it to his attention now that you're stressed?

Either way, he didn’t comment on it, instead deciding to continue. “You feel so good, [Name]," he praised, leaning down to press his lips against the skin underneath your earlobe. You could feel the low rumble of his voice vibrating in your ear, sending shivers down your spine. He let you take a moment to adjust to him before moving, gently thrusting his hips.

You noticed him moving away again as you opened your eyes, finding yourself enamored with the way his muscles flexed in every movement of his. Soft gasps and moans left your lips when you looked up, instantly noticing his gaze on you.

“Stop staring at me,” you mumbled shyly, squirming a bit. It wasn’t that you hated having him look at you—frankly, that’s all you longed for sometimes, it’s just that what you did hit you. Being as vulnerable as you were wasn’t something you preferred, even when Alhaitham didn’t berate you for it.

“You were staring at me, first,” he countered swiftly, and you could hear the rare undertone of his amusement in his voice. It was your favorite sound. “Besides, what’s the harm in looking at the most handsome man in Sumeru?” His monotony nearly made his words laughable, but you could see that he was genuinely trying. Knowing that sent butterflies in your stomach all over again.

You looked away, effectively flustered with all his attention. “It’s embarrassing…”

“Only because you make it embarrassing,” he said, sliding a hand upwards to toy with one of your nipples. He subtly shifted his hips, angling them so that his cock better pressed against your prostate. He watched you intently when you let out a throaty moan, feeling his dick throb inside you.

You reflexively clenched your thighs tighter against his hips, sinking your teeth into your lower lip. You snaked a hand down to your leaking cock, wrapping your fingers around the base to give it a squeeze. “You can go faster,” you muttered, looking down to watch the way he slid in and out of you.

He nodded with a quiet hum, adjusting his grip on your waist to shift the weight on his knees to sacrifice his slower, deeper thrusts for quick and shallow ones. Moaning, you jerked yourself off in time with his movements, unable to tear your gaze away from him, even for a moment. Your eyebrows furrowed in concentration as you brought your free hand up to bring him closer to you by the back of his head. You kissed him needily and fervently, letting out noises that mixed in with the wet sounds that came from your hole. Your body rocked gently, listening intently to the rustling of your bedsheets and Alhaitham’s deep, husky breaths.

Suddenly, he lifted a hand up to place over your abdomen, lightly pushing down on it just as he buried himself balls deep inside you. He paused for a moment, sighing as he watched you squirm at the sudden stop before continuing, feeling himself move in and out of you. You could feel the heat in your belly intensifying with every thrust to your prostate, back arching, legs tightening around his waist.

“Fuck, I’m…” you panted, clenching tighter around his cock. “I’m so close, ‘Haitham.”

“I know. I can feel you,” he said, gently moving your hand away from your leaking cock to wrap his fingers around it. Quiet slaps mixed in with your soft noises and his breathy grunts as he fucked you a bit harder, eyes fixated on the blissful expression on in your face. His dick throbbed inside you as he eagerly chased after his own orgasm, leaning down to press his lips to your jaw, kissing up towards your ear.

“C’mon, [Name], cum for me,” he whispered, sending yet another wave of heat shoot up and down your spine. You could hardly stop the stream of moans that spilled from your lips as he focused on the tip of your cock, rubbing his thumb on the sensitive spot just below it, as if trying to coax out your cum.

“Oh god,” your voice was strained as you felt the coil in your stomach tighten to an unbearable degree, trying to hold out just a little longer. “F—Fuck! Alhaitham!” You moaned in ecstasy when you finally came, squeezing your eyes tightly shut. You tensed and trembled as your dick spurt cum on your stomach and his fingers as he helped you ride out your high.

“You’re so beautiful when you orgasm,” he groaned, his thrusts beginning to lose rhythm as he neared his own climax. He dug his fingers into your waist tighter, muttering praises into your ear when you began squirming at the discomfort of your overstimulation. It didn’t take much longer for him to finish as he stilled, gritting his teeth when he quickly pulled out to stroke himself to completion. He sighed in satisfaction when his orgasm subsided, leaving your abdomen coated in ropes of his cum.

“Wh—Why did you pull out?” You panted, wiping a bead of sweat off of your forehead.

“Isn’t it annoying to clean up afterward? You're always complaining about it whenever we have sex,” he questioned after a moment, taking a second to bask in the afterglow before getting up to reach for a tissue to clean your skin. He put his pants back on, gathering your clothes to put them in a laundry basket.

You shrugged. “I mean, sometimes. But I’m gonna take a bath either way.” You blinked in confusion when you saw him quirk a brow, fidgeting a bit when he didn’t stop staring at you.

“No. You’re going to sit and wait here while I make you something to eat, first,” he instructed, leaving no room for negotiation. “Afterwards, you’re going to go to sleep. Then you can take a bath when you wake up.”

As if on cue, your stomach growled audibly, quickly reminding you that you haven't eaten anything since yesterday. "But then I'm gonna be all sticky and gross when I eat," you said, knowing how much he disliked having dirty bedsheets for too long. It surprised you when he shrugged, leaning against the doorframe as he waited for you to decide.

"If you want to take a bath first, then I'll help you," he offered. You swiftly nodded, wanting to eat clean and comfortably. He nodded and told you to wait for a moment as he prepared the water for you, leaving you by yourself for a while until he returned. The two of you walked into the bathroom where a bathtub of warm water awaited you. But just as you raised your leg to enter, a sudden wave of dizziness overcame you. Luckily, Alhaitham was there to keep you from falling with a firm hand on your arm, carefully helping you into the water.

"Are you okay?" He asked, his eyes darting across your face for any sign of distress. He relaxed upon seeing nothing but waited for your response for further confirmation.

"Yeah. It's just something that happens when I get too hungry, y'know?" You explained sheepishly, splashing some of the water onto your arms and back.

"No, I don't know." He ignored the way you rolled your eyes. "I'll be right back, then."

You hummed to yourself, not minding his absence as you savored the warmth surrounding you, resting your head against the edge of the tub. You nearly fell asleep in the time it took for Alhaitham to return, jumping in surprise at the sound of his voice.

"Hey," he spoke, returning to your side with a bowl in his hand. "Eat this for now."

He kneeled down, bringing the bowl close enough to let you reach in and take whatever was inside. They were fruits, you saw as you happily grabbed one, tossing it into your mouth. You had to stop yourself from grabbing a handful and eating it all in one go, forcing yourself to appreciate every bite. You noticed him shifting behind you, leaning forward instinctively when he began cleaning your back with a small, wet towel.

The two of you basked in the comforting silence for a while as you let him take care of you until you turned your head to face him. "I love you," you said with a little grin.

"I know," he replied, putting the bowl onto the floor.

"Say it back." You pouted, but you knew he was only teasing.

His mouth quirked up in a faint smile, leaning forward to give you a quick peck on your lips. "I love you too."

[yuikomorii]

might be wrong about this but I think the thing that really differentiates Ayato from his brother is that he actually values life in a ''pure way''. Both Subaru and Shu didn't really have the will to life until they met the MC, Reiji's only will was to overcome his father and become better than his brother due to his jealousy, and even if it doesn't seem like it from the surface both Kanato and Laito were too mindbroken due to their trauma to actually enjoy life in a non-twisted way.

Ayato went through a lot of traumatic experiences just like the rest of his brothers but unlike them, he actually had a pure reason to live, that's why he didn't abandon his brothers and was desperately searching for them when they arrived to Rottienburg (I think that's the name) and prioritized them after he got saved by reiji and was willing to go look for them with no plan ahead and he's never changed. Even after they obviously drifted apart he still wanted to save his siblings (like in Lost Eden) even if they didn't want to save him when he got kidnapped by Kino.

Or when he was the only who saved yui in the anime when she got kidnapped by the mukami (Ik it's only fanservice because the anime shows Ayato as the ml). Or when he was the only one worrying about mc in the Olympics cd when the whole thing crushed down. I know mc has had her effects in everyone (because even reiji got worried in the CD drama when he though someone was drowning, turns out it was just Shu being weird) but at the end of the day, Rejet made it very clear that ayato always was different from his brothers even as kids.

Too long? Maybe, I just like rambling a lot about ayato lol

// This franchise is longer than a decade, it’s time for people to stop pretending that Ayato isn’t different from the rest, because it annihilates his purpose like that. Now I’m not saying that everyone else sucks and Ayato is the only cool character there, it’s just that Rejet wrote him in a way that genuinely gives off main character energy. Heck, even other characters have confirmed that he got *something* nobody else does, which is true.

Credit to: dialovers-translations, tournesolia

One thing about Ayato is that he might roast and prank you, but the moment you need help, he’ll be the first to lend you a hand. He’s by no means perfect, of course, he has flaws and makes mistakes too, but his good qualities are just so many that they’re easily able to outshine his bad ones.

Another example is the DF prologue scene. The most normal reaction would have been fighting with the wolf, as Subaru did, but instead of trying to get rid of it, Ayato used himself as shield the moment he saw it, so as to protect Yui. What makes this scene so powerful is that not only they weren’t a couple back then, but in the other Sakamaki routes, he’s still severely injured. He values life, yet he still sacrificed himself for her, no matter if she dates someone else afterwards, and guess what? Even after waking up from the coma in the other routes, he holds no grudge against her for that, but rather is on good terms with Yui. I would also like to talk about how self-sacrificing he is in the Daylight CD, but I feel like everyone listened to that one already, given that it was the most liked of the Daylight series.

While I understand that some people out there prefer more rational and/or introverted characters, I can’t stand those who deny the essence of a character. And, for all people who blame Rejet for “making him more special than the rest”, let me remind you that he’s the Diaboy who got the worst journey ending. Let that sink in. :”)

[rayshippouuchiha]

One earlier anon shared that they feel they would be abusive to their children, so they have chosen not to have kids, and how people tended to say they should still have children.

My father was abusive towards me since I was four. He would choke me for "backtalking". He justified his behaviour by blaming his own father, who was even worse to him.

I have anger issues. Most people who know me, do not believe me when I tell them this, because I did a shit ton of therapy as a teen to get the issues under control. I have a hair-trigger temper, and although I never became physically violent when angry, I have been verbally abusive towards my mother and sister on several occasions. My family members disagree with me that my behaviour was abusive, stating that "I wasn't as bad as dad was" and "I apologized and realized what I said was wrong". I have said some terrible and unforgivable things to my mom and sister that still haunt me even after a decade.

I am absolutely terrified that if I had a child, I would lose control of my temper, and I would justify the abuse because "I wasn't as bad as my dad". My own mom and sister have told me that I should still have a kid, and I shouldn't let the fear stop me. People really don't listen to you when you say your reason for not wanting a kid is because children deserve a better parent than you would be able to be.

It takes a lot of work and bravery, in my opinion, to really and truly know yourself and accept the darker parts of yourself like this and then take responsibility for them.

And, once again, I do agree that people need to accept someone's answer when it comes to this sort of thing. No is a complete sentence, not an invitation to negotiate.

[rubra-wav]

SFW Vox x Reader head anon request where the reader was his nibling on Earth but he died when they were very little. They ended up very lost and numb due to the death and found the only time they felt anything was in a fight so they became a bouncer, which is actually what led to them dying at 28. Reader doesn't realize who Voc is until they hear him speak.

Vox x Former relative reader headcanons

A/N This is a very hyperspecific request, so I hope you understand I've made it a little more general. 🙏

General plotline and idea is kept tho - bit vaguer, however.

Reader was his favourite relative btw, if this man saw just some random family member come up to him I think he'd just swat them away faster than light ngl.

Cw: Sfw, platonic obv 💀, gn reader

- When you showed up before Vox, he didn't recognise you at all either. He'd died when you were young, and when demons die they don't exactly come back looking 'normal'.

- So when you show up before him after seeking him to speak for several weeks - sending letters to meet him in person like your life depended upon it, claiming you had something very important to discuss with him, he doesn't recognise the sinner who clearly died while enthralled in extreme violence before him.

- When the people who escort you into the room leave, leaving you two alone at his request, Vox's first instinct is to interrogate you.

- He immediately assumed you had some sort of blackmail on him and were trying to play games to extort money from him or something.

- But, when you're lunging forward at him to wrap your arms around him while calling him an extremely specific nickname he hadn't heard in decades, he's at a complete loss in disbelief.

- When his initial shock wears off and he realises who you were to him, he doesn't know how to react properly and sends you away, saying he needed a bit to think and he'll contact you again.

- The conflict between his past self that he was when he knew you, as compared to the self he is now, has him absolutely reeling.

- It wasn't exactly foreign for him to come across people who knew him from his shows when alive, but not somebody who had actually known him as a family member - much less one who still thought highly of him after everything he'd done to end up there.

- When he finally calms the hell down, he tells you not to tell anybody you two are related for your own safety (and his own image), and that he will help provide whatever you need.

- He'd be distant as all hell from you, but would still want you to be safe. Both of these are due to him having a particular soft spot for you even now.

- Would probably consciously make an effort to try be an asshole to make you not want to see him- then feel kinda bad when you still want to see him and obviously still very much love him. 💀

- Even if you want to spend time around him really bad, he'd probably not give in most times.

- if he does spend time with you though down the line, he's just screaming inside the whole time because he actually gives a fuck in the same way he did back in his life and that's terrifying to him after living in hell. You don't get to his standing with caring about many people.

- Would be super paranoid during the whole thing as well about someone somehow finding out (especially the Vees because he'd never hear the end of it and if Val ever tried to flirt with you he'd probably go apeshit despite his on and off thing with him. )

- If anyone ever saw you were a soft spot to him, that would instantly make you a target. And, because it bruises his ego to know he still gives this much of a fuck about a relative who he hadn't seen in decades.

Writing this made me realise just how funny Vox would be as one of those bitter adoptive father figures who didnt sign up for this shit but just very begrudgingly love their 'child' and fucking hate themselves over it. 💀

[elffees]

How Fragile Allyship is Portrayed in Frontiers of Pandora

So I really love this audio log from Priya and needed to talk about it. This entire post will be based on this log.

Transcript:

"I ... it's Priya. Obviously. I don't know what day it is. Nothing makes sense... Alma's dead. Alma. Is. Dead.

Oh wow. That's weird. But you know what the really weird, screwy part is? There's this whole other Alma just walking around. Except she's not blue and she's got tiny eyes. Do we all have such tiny eyes? I just ... I feel like good Alma was killed. And we're left with this other one who everyone hates. But really it's the same person. Or is it?

I don't know what to think. I'm not really the one for existential crises, but this is a real brain-breaker. And I'm ... I'm sad. My friend died. No. No. She was murdered. I know she did some bad things, but Nor had no right. I'm glad he's gone. Maybe he's glad too. He never liked it here. Never liked us. Humans.

But we're trying to help. Alma was trying to help. She was protecting them. She tried. Right? Mercer's the bad one. That's all I know for sure. And that other Alma... she wants to hang out, just like old times. But... she's not my friend. Not— I think I hear someone. Signing off."

This audio log can be found in the Resistance Hideout.

I really like this log because it encapsulates the different ways allies & marginalized peoples view and are affected by certain situations.

Disclaimer before I start: I am not saying Priya is a bad person, nor am I saying allies are bad people.

For starters, I can understand why Priya, and likely other Resistance members, have mixed feelings towards Alma. It's a very complex situation. So Priya regarding it as "weird" and being at a complete loss makes sense.

What I want to focus on in this post are the last 3 paragraphs. Where she expresses confusion and hurt because "Good Alma was murdered".

I think this right here is a very well written distinction on how allies and the marginalized communities they assist experience situations differently.

Alma's Reveal

Everyone had their worlds turned upside down when Alma confessed the full extent of her actions in TAP. Alma admits that her avatar was a tool for manipulation. Although she may care for the Sarentu children now, for the majority of their relationship, from the genocide, to TAP, to being frozen and left behind, Alma's avatar was a tool to manipulate and coerce Na'vi into viewing her (and by extension TAP, then later the Resistance) as "one of them". As someone to trust and relate to. The purpose of her having an avatar was to act as a golden ticket into Na'vi society.

Alma was not "murdered". There is no "good" or even "bad" Alma. There is only Alma.

The human who played a role in the massacre of a clan, then manipulated its survivors for years, then left them behind to remain in stasis for nearly 2 more decades.

Who is also the human who founded the Western Resistance and tried to band together several Na'vi clans to protect Pandora, who encouraged the Sarentu to reclaim their culture and customs the ones that didn't expose her ofc, and who helped rid Pandora of cackling narcissist John Mercer.

There is only ONE Alma that has done all of these things.

Alma was not "murdered". Her tool of manipulation was destroyed. The object, the mask, the weapon that gave Alma her power and confidence and that helped her fool not only the Sarentu, not only the Resistance, but also herself into thinking she was something she was not, was taken from her.

Alma was not murdered. She was thrust back into reality.

And so, Priya's last 3 paragraphs interest me. It's completely fine that she mourns the image of who she thought Alma was. In a way I think the Sarentu (sans Nor) do as well. Everyone thought Alma was just a good person who only wanted to help with no ulterior motives. It's painful to realize that was far from the case.

But then Priya goes on to hate Nor. She spits his name out like a curse. Glad he's gone because "he never liked them anyway". That he had no right to "murder" Alma because she only did a few "bad things".

There's a lot to unpack there.

Priya's Blaming of Nor & It's Ties to Fragile Allyship

I want to break down the lines one by one.

She was murdered. I know she did some bad things, but Nor had no right.

For starters, it is EXTREMELY COMMON for allies of marginalized communities to "insert their two cents" on a delicate topic. More often than not when there is inter-community issues, allies have a tendency to say the phrase: "I'm [insert demographic] so take what I'm saying with a grain of salt, BUT I think..." Any and all oppressed classes have heard this phrase from MILLIONS of allies before.

The FOP writers did remarkably well at capturing what allyship looks like when writing the Resistance. Because Priya, as a human formerly part of the oppressive group trying to wipe out the Na'vi and Pandoran wildlife, fully believes she can judge whether Nor had a right or not.

It's not her call.

She cannot determine whether Nor was justified or not because she, as someone part of the privileged class in the world of the game, has never suffered from the harm that Alma's avatar has caused.

She, and none of the Resistance members, were raised by Alma's avatar.

They were not lied to by Alma's avatar for YEARS about the true fate of their families and loved ones.

They were not encouraged to view Alma as a mother-figure or nurturing teacher or beloved caretaker, when she was actually just eager for fame and success.

They were not put into cryosleep and then left behind for 16 MORE YEARS with suspicions that this abandonment was an intentional coverup.

They did not suffer any of that.

They saw her as the leader of the Resistance and as a friend, which does cause an impactful betrayal of course, but Alma's avatar never tried to force them to see her as family. As someone to love.

While Priya only says all this in a private audio log and thankfully doesn't say it to any of the Sarentu or god forbid So'lek, these are her thoughts. The simple fact she believes she can judge Nor, that she has the capacity and authority to scold one of the main victims, is a reoccurring feature of privileged allies who struggle to realize that they cannot relate or ever fully understand how marginalized communities experience oppression.

Priya says Nor had "no right" to "murder" Alma. When truthfully, Priya has no right to judge how the Sarentu feel and respond.

I'm glad he's gone. Maybe he's glad too. He never liked it here. Never liked us. Humans.

After Priya attempts to place judgement on Nor's actions, she then dives deeper.

She is glad Nor is gone. Not ONLY because of what he did to Alma's avatar. No. She is also glad he's gone because Nor was not friendly.

Another prime instance of fragile allyship is that allies tend to believe that marginalized people are only worth their sympathy if they're likeable.

This has a lot ties to the "Perfect Victim" concept.

Because Nor was not friendly, because his trauma caused him to distrust humans and he did not quickly get over it and befriend Resistance members, he is undeserving of as much sympathy as the other Sarentu.

It's seen as a positive that he's gone (despite the fact he ran away in clear emotional distress.) Not just because of what he did to Alma's avatar, but because now Priya and the Resistance no longer have to assist someone that's "ungrateful" and "not as nice" as they should be.

The purpose of being an ally is to help oppressed classes survive against circumstances that would otherwise have them discriminated against or have them dead. Being a truly good ally should not hinder on whether the person is "likeable" or "grateful" for their services. But sadly, in the real world, that is one of the most common "conditions" a LOT of allies have when it comes to offering support. How much they like the person or groups they claim to want to help.

Allyship is more often than not based on likeability, rather than morality.

But we're trying to help. Alma was trying to help. She tried. Right?

Another feature of fragile allyship is the tendency to change sides.

Priya agrees that what Alma did was wrong. She understands that.

But because of the simple fact that Alma is human, Priya not only relates but tries to defend Alma's actions. Seeing herself in Alma is understandable because they are both human and were friends. The problem comes when Priya begins to project and defend Alma's actions.

It doesn't matter that by her own admission Alma's main goals were fame and achievement. It doesn't matter how much the Sarentu are hurt by her actions. It doesn't matter that Nor was outraged. It doesn't matter that even calm and collected Ri'nela was disgusted. It doesn't matter HOW the Sarentu, as the direct victims, feel about Alma's actions. It doesn't matter that intent ≠ impact.

Alma is human like Priya, so from Priya's POV, Alma's 'intentions' hold more value than how the Sarentu were impacted. "We're" trying to help. Alma was trying to help. So her actions can't have been that bad. Right?

Mercer's the bad one. That's all I know for sure.

And finally, this is another feature of how allies tend to respond to things.

Of the two, Mercer is the one who unabashedly committed the massacre and oppressed the Sarentu for years. Mercer is "the bad one" because his actions are overt. They are clear cut, obvious, and maniacally evil.

When real world marginalized groups face microaggressions or covert prejudice, allies have a tendency to step in and defend the offender. "Hm, I don't think that was racist." "Are you sure that's homophobic?" "It's just a word. I don't see how it can be ableist to say." - "It's not like it's really hurting anyone."

When oppression is not as clear cut to allies, they tend to dismiss it entirely. It doesn't matter how the victims feel about the situation. As discussed earlier in the post, allies tend to think they have the authority and capability to make judgements on prejudice they do not face, and ergo believe they can determine how "bad" something really is. Better than the marginalized class can themselves.

In Priya's eyes, Alma is better than Mercer because Mercer's oppression was harsh yelling, explosions, and murder. "Mercer's the bad one" while Alma was "only trying to help."

But in truth, both Mercer and Alma have done and continued to do harmful things. They both played a part in the decimation and continued manipulation of the Sarentu. Both for their own selfish purposes.

Oppression has many faces. It does not always look the same, it is not always a mustache twirling villain. It can be subtle and quiet. It can be hidden behind gentle eyes and smiles. It can be from "good intentions" just as easily as it comes from "bad intentions". It can be subconscious, it can be self aware, it can be secretive, it can be out in the open. It can be many things. There is not only "one bad" style.

Oppression is just as diverse as the communities it aims to harm.

Conclusion

I want to reiterate that I do not dislike Priya and this post isn't a hate campaign against her. I know many dudebros in the fanbase unfairly criticize her.

The point of this post is to applaud the FOP writers. It is very rare when mainstream media is able to accurately depict how fragile allyship is. Priya's reaction to Nor stabbing Alma's avatar is painfully realistic to the many ways allies have reacted to certain situations in the real world.

This is one of the many reasons why I love this game and feel it hits home. Not only can I relate to the Na'vi clans, but my god can I relate to the way allies are written in relation to them. And I feel like this audio log from Priya, while brief and easily missable, is one of the prime moments of realism this game portrays really well.

[changingplumbob]

Nicolas Caldwell

Trying @cawthorntales bachelor challenge to woo Mr Bloom

Download from SFS (only cc are his lashes. He was made with the Waterdrop eyes so I'm not sure if his eye colour is custom but it should be whatever swatch looks grey and blue). For him to have all his outfits you'll need: Werewolves, Cats & Dogs, Romantic Garden and Cottage Living.

Forget that I often make self assured and confident sims because Nicolas is anything but...

Tell us a bit about yourself.

Oh shoot I should have figured that would be a question. Umm, I'm Nicolas, which I mean you probably know from the application. Ah, I'm what's called a military brat. My parents are both in the military and did a whole bunch of postings as I was growing up so we were never in one place for very long. It's made me kind of shy I guess, I'm not great at relating to others. I have one sister, Teresa, she's a decade younger than me but we get along.

And why have you applied?

Funny story. Well not really. Ah my younger sister Teresa actually applied for me. I consider myself pansexual but I've only ever been romantically attracted to guys. That was not a fun conversation with my father. But he's fine abut it now. What was I saying? Oh yeah, Teresa. She keeps telling me I need a boyfriend so I don't turn in to a hermit, I've had to shut down several fake dating profiles she's made on my behalf. I told her I'm shy, and the idea of being on camera all day scares me, and having to compete... But I don't want to let her down, she was so excited my application got accepted.

Tell us about some of your likes and dislikes

I'm a bit animal mad, it's what made me become vegetarian. As much as I like being outside hiking, gardening, bird watching... I cannot stand fishing. I just feel so bad for the poor fish, like what a terrible way to die. And even if you throw them back they're probably freaking out thinking they were abducted, and they are definitely still injured from the hook! Sorry... I don't mean to lecture I just... I like animals okay. You can fish all you like just don't expect me to join.

I'm a little bit musical. I mean I don't perform for anyone but myself and occasionally Teresa. Mum tried to get me in to violin but it was so boring. Guitar is my instrument. Well, musical instrument not... you know. Ah... I did a programming course after high school that was not for me, and I'm rather useless at fixing or making things. Except baking! I do like baking. I've definitely got a sweet tooth.

What are you dreading?

People. You'd probably think with having to introduce myself new places so many times it wouldn't worry me but it does. I'm pretty quiet so people can think I'm being a snob when really I just have no idea what to say. Is there a gender neutral or masculine term for resting bitch face? And I don't know if I can take my guitar. Playing it is what calms me down. Well that and cloudgazing. So hopefully the weather is good and I can get outside between challenges. I've really no idea how this show works. Also worried about losing my contacts but that's an everyday worry.

What are you looking forward to?

I mean.. Teresa showed me the picture of Daisy and yeah he's good looking. Those eyes, I just completely missed what she told me right after because I was dreaming. She also said he wasn't actually organizing it so I really really hope he can understand this all being a surprise for me because it's one for him to. And she said he has farm animals! I want to meet them. Hopefully they'll like me and that can convince him I'm a keeper.

Do you have a message for Mr Bloom?

Oh, ah, sure! Umm... hey there good looking. Give me a chance to show you I'm certified boyfriend material. Well not certified because I've never had a boyfriend. *BLEEP* I didn't mean to say that, I don't want the other contestants knowing. Can I start the message again?

EDIT: Turns out he should have green hair... the save file is his brunette look but on the show he will look more like...

[antianakin]

@theneutralmime

I definitely think that's part of the point in some ways, that neither Anakin NOR WE AS THE AUDIENCE ever knows whether Palpatine can actually accomplish what he says he can or not. Like, MAYBE he has to way to keep people from dying, maybe he doesn't. Even if he does, it seems unlikely he'd ever actually tell Anakin what it is, but it's equally as possible that he doesn't have ANYTHING that the Jedi don't have. Anakin has to choose between taking the risk of pursuing the only "cure" being offered to him even when it comes from a Sith and is therefore inherently untrustworthy, or taking the risk of doing nothing and just hoping his vision doesn't come true or that he's misinterpreted it. Anakin's not so great at the accepting change or having faith thing, though, so he obviously goes for what seems to be the more guaranteed solution even when it comes from an obviously unreliable source.

Personally, I'm not shocked Anakin doesn't go asking the Jedi for their opinions on it given that he's pretty deep in the "not trusting the Jedi" pit that Palpatine's been putting him in for several decades now. If he goes to the Jedi and says "Hey, so I was just wondering if there was any knowledge of the Sith having a way to keep people from dying, just curious, asking for a friend" he might have a couple of extra questions asked of him that he does not want to answer.

Anakin refuses to do the emotional labor required of him and has been manipulated into believing both that he knows better than anybody else AND that the Jedi don't have his best interests at heart, so when the Jedi tell him to figure out how to let go of his fear of the people he loves dying and a Sith tells him he might have a magic cure, of COURSE he decides to opt for the magic cure coming from someone he knows is evil and commits to doing whatever is asked of him in order to GET the magic cure, up to and including mass enslavement and genocide.

Anakin's relationship with Palpatine is kind-of interesting because I feel like, especially with TCW in the mix, people often tend to overexaggerate how much Anakin cared about Palpatine. I've seen people claim that Anakin truly saw Palpatine as a friend, that the only person he truly trusted was Palpatine, that Palpatine was like a grandfather-figure to Anakin, etc etc. But at least within the films, that doesn't seem to really ring true. He RESPECTS Palpatine, for sure, and he looks up to him and trusts him, but that's about where it stops. He parrots what Palpatine says because Palpatine manipulates Anakin enough to make Anakin think that these are his own ideas and feelings, not because Anakin is doing it intentionally. He calls OBI-WAN a father figure, but never says anything like that to Palpatine. And when forced to choose between obeying Palpatine or saving Obi-Wan, he saves Obi-Wan, and claims they're all three making it out alive or NONE OF THEM DO, which kind-of showcases that he cares about Obi-Wan's life more than he does Palpatine's. He obviously does choose to trust Palpatine with the information about the Tusken massacre and doesn't trust Obi-Wan, but given that Palpatine tells Anakin he's right about everything and Obi-Wan doesn't hesitate to point out when Anakin's wrong or making a mistake, it's not surprising that Palpatine is the mentor he went to for "advice" on something he knows is wrong. Because he doesn't want to be TOLD he's wrong, he wants to be VALIDATED.

Palpatine isn't family to Anakin, but he is an ENABLER and Anakin absolutely knows it. Much like some of us maybe have that one friend we know is always going to enable us into doing something a little "bad" (like buying that treat you want but don't need, or starting a new book when you haven't finished the one you're currently working on, etc), Anakin intentionally goes to Palpatine when he wants to be told he's right about something he knows the Jedi would say is wrong. Because it's so so easy to just go to someone who is seemingly very wise and respected and in a position of authority because people liked him enough to vote him into power, and have that person tell you that you're special and right about everything and you should totally just do whatever it is you want to do and damn the consequences or anyone who tries to stop you. This is something Anakin THIRSTS for, he's DYING for this, it's like a drug he can't quit. THAT'S what Palpatine is to Anakin.

So of course when he's making the argument to keep Palpatine alive, it's not really ABOUT Palpatine at all. If it weren't for Padme's life being at stake, Anakin would just let Mace kill him, and Palpatine knows it. Even that point he makes about the trial is complete and utter bullshit. For one, it's not even that good of a point because Mace's point about Palpatine controlling the Senate so much that any trial would be a sham is actually the better one. Palpatine HAS to be killed, he's shown he won't surrender, he's incredibly powerful both in the Force and in politics, and without the vision of Padme's death on his mind, Anakin would be totally fine with killing Palpatine. Look at the way Anakin reacts when he first figures out Palpatine is a Sith, there's no betrayal or moment of disbelief or shock, just an immediate anger and a dissolution of any positive feelings he seems to have once had for Palpatine. Anakin is nowhere near as attached to Palpatine as people seem to think he is.

Anakin cares about individual Jedi, like Obi-Wan and Ahsoka and even Yoda, more than he cares about Palpatine. But he cares about PADME more than he cares about any of those people (or, more accurately, he cares about how Padme makes him feel, not Padme herself). So when faced with saving Padme's life or remaining faithful to the Jedi, he betrays the Jedi for her. Palpatine is just the vehicle through which he does that, not the actual motivation.

[randomfanner]

Halsin + Thaniel and Oliver Headcanons

There will be non-relationship head canons and relationship head canons, all fluffy or Angst content because this is getting really long. I was going to do smut, and I will do smut eventually, but this post is not the post.

TW: Loss of a child, loss in general, lot a of sadness in that. Also in general there is going to be expected backstory trigger warnings. Like the fact he was kept chained to a bed for 3 year. Also on a lighter note, drug use is talked about, it's pot.

Halsin will adopt everything and everyone if you let him. He considers Oliver and Thaniel his kids, he considers Arabella and Yvenna his kids. He considers most of the tiefling kids his kids to an extent. Nieces and nephews perhaps. He loves Scratch and the Cub and Tara(Gale has complained that Tara sometimes goes to Halsin's lap rather than his). If you leave this man alone in the forest and he finds and injuries baby animal or an animal, he will bring it home and nurse it back to health and it will come to visit or just live with you.

We get very little from Thaniel in terms of screen time, and also Oliver after he comes to camp so I am putting head canons.

Thaniel is a good kid. He is pretty quiet, calm and respectful of adults and people in general. He is good with animals, good with plants. Most of the time at the very least. He is... rather reserved. Halsin and Thaniel became friends not because Thaniel let himself be seen, it was a 5 in human year old Halsin chasing this fey child through the woods. He is shy, and doesn't really talk much to people.

Now, he does actually does seem to like talking to you. Halsin has spoken highly of you, Halsin cares about you deeply and you did very much saved Thaniel's life. You killed the man that tormented him for several decades. He does feel he can talk to you.

Now, with that in mind, Thaniel is a fey child. A well behaved and well meaning fey child but he is a fey child none the less. He does have a mischievous. I promise you he has tried to steal your name, and you fell for it Halsin has to talk Thaniel into giving your name back.

Thaniel and Oliver share an end goal with you and Halsin and that is to parent trap your ass. They like you, the fey don't like losing what they like.

Oliver is a little shit. He can be a very sweet little shit and he does like you and Halsin a lot, but he also can torment you in many ways. Mostly because this child has been alone in the wilderness and doesn't have any socialization. Halsin realizes this and is very good at being patient with the traumatized child.

He pulls pranks all of the time when he was around camp, and he does like to trick travelers when they begin coming through. However he does like you and he does like Halsin. So he can be rather nice, he may even let you have his true name... if you promise you will be his mama and papa.

He wants a family. Please let him have a family.

Loss of a Child, Loss, Acceptance of Loss, A traumatized Child

So, man has considered Thaniel his kid for awhile now, he would never say it because once he called himself Thaniel's 'big brother' and Thaniel reminded him, rather quickly, that Thaniel was in fact older then him This was when they were younger Halsin could not guess Thaniel's reaction if he called him son. So when Thaniel was lost Halsin was crushed beyond measure. He did grieve for years and was still admitting grieving until you came along and helped him find his son again. And make sure he would have a friend after Halsin was gone with the earth again. Halsin knows how to accept death, but he also knows it doesn't stop the grieving and that is OK. He may set time aside to be alone and just... grieve if he feels the need to. He grieves but he also remembers. He tries to make good time matter and last for as long as he can. He does... restrain himself during bad times. But when he has those small moments and any chance he gets, he is rather passionate. Even with the smallest things like a kiss or being able to hold hands.

About Thaniel because this kid has some serious trauma. So does Oliver but we get more screen time and information about Oliver so:

Thaniel is a very respectful and mature kid mostly because he is an immortal 8 year old. He is very traumatized. He gets friends and then his friends get older then him and then they die. And he forever young and in the forest. It can take awhile of course, elves live for hundreds of years but... lives for hundreds of years is different then living forever. And he hates being reminded of it so that is why he refuses to let himself call Halsin dad or acknowledge that. He can acknowledge Halsin is older but not that he is going to lose another father and another friend.

Halsin has tried to help him with this as much as he can. He reminds Thaniel that he will still be there for him in the earth, in the dirt and in the spirit. And Thaniel believes it, but it still hurts.

On a bit of a lighter note, reincarnation is I am sure canon in DND, like, there is a spell for that so I assume it is a process they will happen eventually. Druid just speed it up. so Halsin has probably been Thaniel's dad multiple times... (and with you a few times perhaps, if nature has willed you to come together through lifetimes)

So Oliver is like, the best thing that has ever happened to this child. Having a younger brother who will always be a friend is the best thing for this sad forest child. He has a friend who will not get older than him and die.

Small note with Oliver

So, Haslin likes to whittle and just. One day Oliver asks for figure of Mommy and Daddy and his Dog and Halsin does make them for him, of course, and Oliver just sort of puts it on display and man, Halsin has never felt sorry for killing a shadow once in his life and now here he is, mourning with his son because ya.

I have my own traumatized immortal natural spirit child so I really like Thaniel and Oliver. Can you tell?

We done with the angst mostly, be warned pot still remains and so does general Halsin Trauma.

So anyway, I am not crying, and Halsin is a walking snack machine I swear. We are using all DND spells and he has create food and water at all times and uses it a lot. Ever short rest you all get food, water, and he even has bowls and cups prepared at all times that he whittles himself so you have something to enjoy your snack in. He does also offer food and water to all of the refugees when you get to Baldur's Gate.

His snacks consist of berries, nuts and different seeds, when it is a longer rest he can summon meat and vegetables. You know he helps with this sort of stuff all of the time. He likes to cook and I believe he is probably a pretty good cook.

He knows how to cook with a wide range of ingredient. He can cook a dish anywhere you place him. He knows forests, plains, coasts, caves, and even the under dark. He is also very aware of general signs of what is edible and what is not that, so he can always find safe food.

Food is very much a love language for him as well. He cooks for you all the time and also makes you different kinds of sweets. He can bake, he can cook, and he can probably grill and cook on a camp fire. He is amazing at it. Unless you put him in an actual kitchen. Than the poor man because confused and clueless (Poor bear man doesn't understand how a stove works).

Halsin will take care of you no matter what happens. If you get injured he is nursing the wound and cooing that it will be OK because he is here and he has you. He kissing the wound and cure wounds it and will make and will make sure you are all better. He knows you can do with out it, and if you would prefer he can save or wait on the extra bits and simply take care of the wound, however he is taking care of the wound do not mistake him.

He is so doting when you get sick or are pregnant or on your period or if you get poisoned. Man will get you the bed of the finest furs and feed you the best soup to make you feel better. After of course, you down his awful tasting medicine that does cure you pretty quickly because he is a man who knows a thing or two about medicine. He is a healer. He knows how to make you feel better.

Man likes doing hair. It is an elf thing and we can see he believes it on his character look at his hair, he has so many little braids in his hair and he wants to do yours. Please let him do yours. He will explains why he really wants to do it so, you understands how much this means to him. He also wants you to do his, of course. But he just likes, adding flowers to your hair and little bits of nature. No matter what gender or how long your hair is.

Man is also always giving you small gifts. Something he whittled himself, flowers and snacks, pretty rocks, basically anything and everything. He is a bird trying to woo his mate by bringing them shiny things. And it probably works, let's be honest.

Halsin is REALLY good at whittling. It is a little bit more than just a side hobby and he makes toys for kids with his whittling. He will make bears, people, animals, plants, monster, a kid asks for a toy of it, he will carve it. Thaniel and Oliver do have a whole set of bear figurines that keep them safe at night and scare away any beasts that mean them harm.

However he does also use his whittling skills. He can make tools, bowls, utensils, and things for another day. Halsin does not normally need gold however when he is Baldur's gate he is very good at making it on the fly because he can simply whittle something and people will buy it.

Man learns about charity art shows and finds one that does it for nature and makes a number of things to be sold there and by gods is there a bidding war for it. He normally wouldn't be interested but you know, man wants to help nature.

As stated above he does whittle for you all the time, and he also really like to incorporate imagery that reminds him of you and the things you have done and the relationship you have. Sometimes he will care you elegantly into a cup, other times he will show your family through symbols, other times it is just nature. It is really cute.

Cuddler and PDA all the way man, he loves to hold your hand, give you kisses on the cheek, have a hand on your waist, anything to be close to you. He will stop if you ask of course but do expect big bear eyes from him before he does so. He does not mean to do it but he cannot help it. (In a Astarion x Halsin setting, gets hit with those eyes and just breaks and holds his hand).

He will turn into a bear and let you do all the extremely dangerous things to do to a real bear but we all want to do. Touch the soft and fluffy ears, squish the toe beans, don't deny it, we all do. It is quite sweet and has a wonderful time.

Halsin tends to go into a deeper trance than most elves. Sometimes he needs to be shaken out of his trance rather than spoken out of it. He blames it on the bear.

Also Halsin most certainly smokes pot. He probably experiments with natures creations like mushrooms and other things you can smoke. He knows all about the effects, what it will do and often uses it to meditate... or sometimes have a good time.

He would happily invite you to join him if you would be interesting. I think a high Halsin would be extremely entertaining to watch even if you do not smoke pot with him. All formalities drops and he gets so cuddly. He is already cuddly but he is falling asleep on you cuddly.

OK, so, this is a lot, there will probably be a part two or at the very least a NSFW head canon, probably.

[bardicbeetle]

bite, or lack thereof - vee the vampire

“How come I never see you come back—” Cassidy cuts off, frowning like she’s trying to find the right words. “—fed." She nods toward the glass in his hand. "I’ve seen all sorts of people come out of the back room—they always look a little different than when they went in.” Another pause, frown vanishing in understanding “It’s because you’re their boss isn’t it—you think it’d be weird to bite your employees!”

The conviction she says it with startles a small laugh out of Vee. So much confidence for an incorrect answer. “No, Cassidy. That isn’t why—though I agree it would create a bit of an unfortunate dynamic if I were to bite my employees.” She’s caught him at a good moment, because he feels like giving her an actual answer for once. “While I’m aware the service I offer is a necessary one—I don’t like to partake. Be satisfied to know I have bad memories and leave it at that.”

“Wait—you don’t—you don’t bite people? Ever?”

Vee sighs. “Not in a very long time now, no.”

“Is that…hard?”

“Not anymore,” He tells her, “there were decades when it was, there are moments when it’s tempting, but it’s…” he trails off, searching for an apt comparison. “I imagine it’s alike to any minor addiction with which a person could become disgusted. Sometimes you remember fondly how it might have made you feel—most of the time you are aware it’s a bad choice no matter how you spin it.”

He’s made enough bad choices for several lifetimes. Had enough temptation for several more.

Cassidy hums, settling into the couch but still watching him more closely than he’d prefer. “Is it bad? What you’re letting people do?”

A slight smile, “What, making my kind pay for a meal—or hiring humans who happen to get off on it?” It has the desired effect, it makes Cassidy laugh, it lightens whatever questions are brewing in her head. He isn’t in that much of a giving mood.

“Gross. No—like is it dangerous for the ones doing it.”

“On occasion, there’s a reason I pay them so well.” How much value do you put on a person’s life? How much value do they put on their own? Damask isn’t cheap for those coming through the back—and likewise, those putting their lives on the line don’t walk away empty handed. “I do my best to keep casualties minimal. Mistakes happen.”

“And not mistakes.” It’s a mumble, barely audible.

Still thinking about Lauren then. Understandable.

Vee really shouldn’t have let her see that.

He won’t make the same mistake again.

“Both are dealt with in kind.” he reminds her, watching the slow repeated nod of her head. Quiet acceptance. Something like grief. What do you feel for people you don’t know? How do you sort through emotions for someone you only ever saw as a corpse?

“What’s it like?” Hesitant, soft, like when she’d asked if he was going to kill her.

“Specifics, Cassidy.”

“Getting bit, having your blood drunk, what’s it like?” She asks, “Unless you don’t remember—just ignore me if you don’t—”

“—I remember.” Vee cuts over her.

Pain and not. The rhythmic pulling of your own life leaving you. Sometimes pleasure and sometimes pressure and sometimes blinding for how it stung and later ached. The only thing grounding him for years and years and years. The moments he didn’t need to think, just bleed for other people. Not always bitten, Rin never did get used to the feeling of their teeth breaking skin—he never blamed them for going back to the blade. Scars built up only from constant use, the four points of contact in his shoulder Henry always went back to, the inner side of his forearms covered over and back over, bitten, torn, cut. Still.

The only thing that held him together back then.

Putting things out of his control.

He doesn’t say any of it.

Not tonight.

@flyingbananasaur /

@abalonetea /

@meatandboneasmr /

@captain-kraken /

@revenantlore /

@albatris /

@excessive-vampires /

@booptasticbadonkadonk /

@indecentpause /

@afoolandathief /

@dyrewrites

[gordontheengineswifenirmal]

About the election and modern society’s woes -

First off, I don’t really know what to think about Joe Biden dropping out of the election. His speech was lackluster, n I wasn’t blown away by but it didn’t feel like it made the world crash around me either.

Sadly, so many folks out there can only think two ways u either love or hate something. This goes for Biden too. They think if I hate trump, i sump to automatically worship Biden. There’s no in between. It floors me that this lack of logic exists. These folks cannot fathom that u can simply be ok with a person. He’s ok to me. He didn’t do anything super mind blowing impressive, but he’s not bad either.

Now, getting back to the election - so many others thought differently. Ok, fine. Whatever. The next problem is, what will u replace him with? Will that be enough to save us from another 4 years of the tyrant? This is our REAL concern. I’ve heard folks celebrating Biden dropping out, but they celebrate too early. I’m not going to celebrate Biden dropping out, because that doesn’t concern me. I do feel he was forced, but I also wish him well. Whatever, this is less important to me.

IM AFRAID OF WHAT WE MAY WIND UP WITH.

At the same time, society (especially on the left admittedly - and I say this being a liberal, because godforbid ur critical of ur own….wing or whatever - ) is filled with -

And whilst this is definitely true, for most folks, that’s it. That’s all they can comprehend, all they can see in the argument, and it becomes a competition. If only it were that simple. Sadly these generalisations are equally dangerous. They employ the same attitude as the ‘there’s no in between’. This is the excuse folks apply when u r uncomfortable with immodesty. They right away think that u want folks covered head to toe in a burqua. (They’d b shocked to learn that some of us r fine with sleeveless tops n shorts, as long as they r like 6 inches above the knee, n tits, bellies, n genitals r covered!) There’s no asking or clarify, no willingness to listen to ur explanation. I get branded racist, misogynist, homophobic, or even worse, because they need to project. U hit a sore spot that they can’t handle. This goes for either side - not just liberal, not just conservative. The truth is that there is often more to the story. Not all women are innocent. Not all r guilty. Not all men r innocent, nor are all guilty either. I’m going to say this louder for those in the back -

ANY GENDER CAN COME INTO POWER AND ABUSE IT.

There has been in increase in a certain petty completion between sexes for ages now, n I’ve seen in for several decades already. One side is like ‘we’re the best n that’s it. They give flimsy, misguided, or sometimes no reasoning behind this. The other then reacts with the same tactics. It makes everyone look foolish. Neither side thinks of common sense nor respect. It’s a very entitled, privileged, and damn right delusional way to think. It’s sadly also an increasing sign of the times. It’s not new, but it’s definitely not going away, and becomes a more mainstream way to think. We ALL need to change for the better. Thank you for coming to me ted talk. Here’s Gordon lol

[this-is-a-podcast-fanblog]

i need to hear your reasoning on janet coming back and also what you think will / want to happen when she does

Oh boy. Okay, to be completely honest based on Finknoriams' writing, in my heart of hearts I don't think she is going to come back. From a narrative perspective by all rules of how to write a plot, she should, but Fink and Cranor haven't been interested in following the rules of plot for a long time and Brie Williams only became an official writer after that season was already over. And they also said on Patreon that Janet Varney was only booked for a limited number of voice spots as Lubelle. So don't expect her to come back again based on one dyke on Tumblr saying she should. If she does ever return it will likely be years from now when they bring back older material, like what's happening now with Kevin.

However, they SHOULD bring her back, and here's why and here's what I want to happen.

Buckle up.

Narratively, the University of What It Is arc was just unsatisfying. The first time they were ever mentioned was all the way back in year three, when a faculty member named Sylvia Kayyali came to Night Vale while Carlos was in the Desert Otherworld. She told Cecil that Carlos had been missing for several decades. At the time, this seemed to fit into the whole idea of "time doesn't work in Night Vale", especially with the later reveal that time doesn't work in the Desert Otherworld but like, even more so. Except when Janet arrived, she didn't seem to think Carlos had been missing for years. She didn't even seem that interested in Carlos when she first arrived.

Janet's introduction came in the form of a post-credit voicemail, where she said that Kareem Nazari got in touch with the UOWII to tell them about Night Vale. Why would Kareem need to do that if they already knew what Night Vale was? Secondly, when Kayyali came to town over seven years ago, she said that her University had no science department aside from Carlos and ever since he left there were no scientists on staff. So how could Dr. Janet Lubelle, a dedicated scientist with a huge research team, have not only materialized in the University's staff but also become interim dean of their new branch over the course of just seven years?

In writing, there's premise and then there's plot. Sometimes the two don't line up. Take something like Repo the Genetic Opera as an example. The concept of that musical is a world where people can finance their organs from a large corporation called Geneco, which will repossess those organs if the lender doesn't pay. That's a really interesting premise, and the story could use it to talk about Capitalism and the insurance industry. However, the story isn't interested in those things, and it uses its premise as more of a backdrop for the actual story, which is a family drama and a coming-of-age. Just because a writer sets up a premise for their story doesn't necessarily mean that the premise needs to be explored in great depth.

Or, to use another example, take Breaking Bad. When Walter decides he'll start cooking meth for Gus Fring, there's already a lab built, and Gus already has a huge distribution system that he can easily plug Walter into. How he built that lab and got connected to this system isn't really important to the plot, because the plot can't continue if he doesn't have it. He has it because he needs to have it. But the story carefully gives us enough glimpses into Gus's past, his connections with the cartel, and his operation, that it makes sense for him to have this lab and network. It doesn't feel contrived, it feels realistic.

I mean, Night Vale itself sort of follows this idea, at least for the first few seasons. It's a town where every conspiracy theory is true. Why is every conspiracy theory true? Who knows! Here's the weather. Of course, by now the show has been going on for so long that the how and why have been fleshed out a little more, but it's ultimately not important to the story how Night Vale works. Until Doctor Janet Lubelle, who wants to know why everything is the way it is.

That's how she was presented, at least. But again with premise versus plot: the story says that Janet wants to understand why everything is the way it is, the reality shows that she wants to just explain everything away. As such, her motivations are really unclear. And like I've already said, you can have a premise that raises questions without needing to answer them all. The problem is that this season introduces so many questions to the point that they sometimes conflict with each other and ultimately the story of the season just doesn't make sense. This is all wrapped up in "Carlos, Explained", to a degree that doesn't actually make sense.

Q: Why did Kareem Nazari call the University of What It Is?

A: Doesn't matter.

Q: How did Janet get hundreds of scientists to come to Night Vale with her anyway, if Carlos was the only science professor seven years ago?

A: Doesn't matter.

Q: Does Janet want to understand how everything in Night Vale works?

A: No, she's just going to explain things away.

Q: Then does she not care how things work?

A: No, she just wants to prove a point.

Q: What is the point she's trying to prove?

A: That her version of science is better than Carlos's.

Q: And why is she trying to prove that?

A: Because Carlos took away all of her funding years ago.

Q: Then why didn't she come to town years ago if she knew Carlos was here all along?

A: Doesn't matter.

Q: Then why did she wait an entire year to explain Carlos away?

A: Because she wanted to destroy Night Vale first.

Q: But why did she want to destroy Night Vale?

A: To fuck with Carlos.

Q: Then why did she seemingly not care about Carlos at all for the entire year she was there or the entire seven years before that?

A: Doesn't matter.

Q: Then why did her team entirely abandon her if she'd brought them out here for the express purpose of fucking with Carlos?

A: That's not why she brought them out here.

Q: Then why did she?

A: Doesn't matter.

And the problem is that you can continue these circular questions forever. No, we don't need to know exactly how Janet recruited all her scientists or how she became Interim Dean, but her motivations and the story as a whole don't have enough internal logic. The only way to successfully conclude this arc would have been to give it way more time, and that just didn't happen.

But at the end of the day, what was the story of Janet Lubelle actually about? We've talked a lot about concept versus execution. Repo! the Genetic Opera is about taking people's organs for an insurance market, sure, but at the heart, it's about family. Breaking Bad is a story about a meth kingpin, but at the heart it's a story about change. Spirited Away is about growing up. American Gods is about religion and memory. Night Vale is a Jewish folktale and a love story.

What is the story of Janet Lubelle? Is it a revenge story? If it is, it doesn't set up the motivations for revenge, because I'm sorry but one episode where Janet says Carlos stole her funding is not enough of a motivation. Is it a story about how power corrupts? Then you have to give us some inclination of where her power stems from. Is it, as some people have suggested, a story about how a rigid system of conformity tries to erase queerness? Yes, this sounds right at first, but the text doesn't hold that idea up enough when we barely know anything about the University as a whole or Janet as an individual. Is the story just that some people are bad? To be honest, that's not a very interesting story.

I like all of these concepts individually, but they don't come together enough to create a satisfying narrative. Janet Lubelle as a character has a lot of potential, especially since she's the first person to permanently kill off some Night Vale regulars like Sarah Sultan and the Glow Cloud. I think her relationship to the town as an enemy is interesting.

What I would like to see, if she comes back, is exploring her relationship to the town as someone who can't leave. Carlos was a scientist who came to Night Vale with wide eyes and fascination, who fell in love with it easily and decided to stay in spite of his skepticism. It's also strongly implied throughout the show that if the town wants you, it's not going to let you go. I'd love to see Janet coming to terms with the fact that she's stuck in a town she tried to destroy. How could Night Vale challenge her worldview? How could it deradicalize her from her idea that anything unfamiliar needs to be destroyed? Could she accept that Carlos has won again, or would she be a permanent minor antagonist like Kevin, someone to come up and be foiled ever so often?

There's a lot left to explore with Dr. Janet Lubelle. It probably won't be, but I'll happily talk about her anytime someone wants me to.

[kaija-rayne-author]

Spoilers for Tevinter Nights and today's reveal on upcoming DA4 companions. Educational review of The Wigmaker/Lucanis Dellamorte character.

I'm happy that I called Neve Gallus and Lace Harding as companions in DA4. Neve looks amazing!

Really really wish I'd been wrong about Lucanishit Dellamorte.

The story 'The Wigmaker' in Tevinter Nights of the so called 'mage-killer' (who would actually be Marius or Tessa thank you very much) was one of the most poorly characterized pieces of crap I've ever read in my entire 12 years as an editor.

And trust me, please, when I say I've had to edit some real stinkers.

Agree with me or not, I honestly don't care. I know I'm right. Why?

Because there's science behind what works in writing good characters, good settings, good (insert a part of a story).

Editors like me exist to gently (or sometimes not so gently) smack an author over the head with the 'no, that's a ridiculous idea, perhaps tweak it to this instead' stick. And that character was ridiculous on so many levels.

I've already had people get rudely in my face for sharing a personal (and professional) opinion about Lucanishit today.

Reading is subjective. But what that actually means, is that what I like in a story, and what another person likes in a story will be different.

It's not a statement on professional quality of the story in question. That's a completely different topic.

It's very possible to enjoy a story with bad any of the above. Especially if you love reading and weren't foolish enough to become an editor like me.

Word to the wise, if you love reading? Don't become an editor. You end up developing all these pesky standards and knowledge about how story works (and how it doesn't).

It's even possible to enjoy a story that's poorly written or edited. But that enjoyment, which, yes, is absolutely subjective, is still not the same as whether the character, story, setting, or writing are actually good in the professional sense.

I have several NYT bestselling clients. I've worked in and around trad pub and indie pub for more than a decade. How story works is absolutely one of my AuDHD special interests, and as such, I've studied the nuts and bolts of it like I do any of my special interests. I'm not talking out of my ass here.

The fact is that some things work in writing, and some things don't. Some things work in particular types of stories, and some things don't. It's just the nature of the beast.

Seriously. Without being pissed off at me for disliking a story you may have liked? Think about it and read my professional issues with the character.

Something I feel we, as writers, need to constantly be doing is improving our craft. It always surprises me how many writers just get pissy and attack rather than taking the opportunity to engage in free education.

Because when an experienced professional of any sort breaks something down like this, that's what we're doing. Offering free education. (Tips are very much appreciated.)

This critique is based on the story 'The Wigmaker' in Tevinter Nights where we first meet Lucanis. I really hope the Lucanis we get in game will be different.

In the entirety of the DA series (books, games, comics, everything) have you ever seen an Antivan Crow act like such a chuny, emo edgelord? Nope.

A supposed Antivan Crow strutting around like some arrogant, badly imagined, assassin version of Harry Dresden just doesn't work.

Crows are wraiths. Shadows. The whole point is that no one sees them coming!

They don't advertise like Lucanishit does. Which is why I'd rather hoped it would be his cousin Illario chosen as the romanceable companion. He actually knows how to blend in. Illario spends a lot of the story rightfully calling Lucanis on his bullshit methods.

The first of many editorial hiccups in 'The Wigmaker' is that you really are very unlikely to shove a sword through a wall like that. And a supposedly experienced assassin would probably know that?

Even modern walls have studs and often solid insulation and wires in them.

But we're talking medieval like walls, which tended to be stone or lathe and plaster. Those walls are basically a sandwich of wooden lathes with stone/gravel fill in the middle, then plaster on top. You are not shoving a sword through one. You can barely drill through one with a power drill! Even if you did manage to? It would very likely ruin the blade.

Also, that would not be the shape of the wound if you actually did manage to shove your sword through one of those walls without breaking it and into someone's hand. Because hands have these weird things called bones in them.

Fan art has Crows as more flashy, sure, but in the series itself? The most you see is skin tight clothing and dangerous eyes.

Going up to an innkeeper and bloody advertising that you're a crow? WTAF is that? Lucanishit is supposed to be the grandson of Caterina Dellamorte, First Talon to the Antivan Crows.

A black leather trenchcoat? Really? Really really? And that's just points off on the style factor. Those things became the mark of try-hards a long time ago.

Do you have any idea how noisy those coats are? How much unnecessary weight it would put on a person who is supposed to move silently and unseen? Do you have any clue how noisy those things would be when you took a flying leap like Lucanishit did in 'The Wigmaker?' (Think loud leather wings). How much wind drag there'd be wearing something so ridiculous on a contract? Any clue how hard it would be to reach your weapons under something like that? Ugh. The devil is most certainly in the details, peeps.

Okay, so moving past the utterly ridiculous sartorial choices this so called master assassin wears, he and Illario are loudly talking about being Crows on their way to the mark.

Assassins and Assassination are illegal, y'know? At least Illario tried to blend in. For which Lucanis mocked him.

They get into position, which for some reason is during a hoity toity Tevinter party rather than when the mark was, y'know, alone.

Lucanis does some incredibly unrealistic, noisy acrobatics to get some keys. That by itself I could let slide, rule of cool exists.

But he does it in that ridiculous leather trenchcoat. I don't care how unlikely people are to look up (humans really don't look up very often unless we train ourselves to do so) a giant bat like person flopping around doing acrobatics would be kinda hard to miss.

Then we move on to some murders.

Now, it's part of almost every assassin's creed that you don't harm the innocent or the servants in taking out a mark. It's mentioned a few times about the Crows. Because, again, they're supposed to be the bogeyman in the dark you never see coming.

Lucanis murders a couple of paid guards and doesn't bother to make it clean or hide the bodies.

Finally, we're into the mark's inner sanctum. There's some particularly ghoulish stuff that the mark is guilty of, so I could see why it might annoy someone.

But there they are, two Antivan Crows in a secluded area near the Mark. That, if there were any actual assassins around would've been the end of the story.

But instead of killing the mark and disappearing like any crow should, Lucanis instead decides to make the veil thin enough to allow demons to easily come through.

Into a party of drunk Tevinter mages.

So now instead of a clean, fast kill, we have around 250 possessed mages and enslaved elves. And I think I read somewhere that elves feel being demon possessed is a fate worse than death.

Obviously, this is chaos. Red lyrium somehow acts like red lyrium never has in series, which I could let go because rule of cool.

Lucanishit then proceeds to fight a weird demon possessed mark. (I would point out that in that situation it would've been the demon that killed the mark, not Lucanis.)

But yes, eventually, after torturing red-lyrium Shelob, he pokes it enough to kill it. Which in DA canon doesn't always dispatch the demon back beyond the veil.

Not even gonna go into what intentionally thinning the veil there would do. Aren't people trying to stop that?

Then Lucanis and Illario escape.

Leaving some 248 demon possessed creatures behind at a city estate in the middle of Vyrantium.

Now, like them or not, the nobility are usually the ones who have the resources to hire the crows. So Lucanis has just taken out a large portion of potentially paying clients. That alone would likely be enough to have him removed as a crow in a very final fashion.

And what exactly do y'all think would happen when those demon possessed inevitability get out of the estate?

Innocent people of Vyrantium would be slaughtered. Demons would replicate themselves and further thin the veil.

And it would be the commoners and enslaved people harmed most. Because magisters have the resources to protect themselves from demons.

There is absolutely no mention of Lucanis sticking around to clean up his mess. None.

This is not a good story on the professional level. There are major problems with it.

The writing itself is snappy and catchy. The action is fast enough that if you don't rub two brain cells together, it could be entertaining.

But my editor brain is always on. I literally cannot turn it off anymore.

My eyeballs rolled so much during this story that I'm surprised they didn't fall out and land on the floor.

From everything we know about crow culture from Zevran, from short stories and comics, from the games and bits of Lore, Lucanishit is just so badly characterized it's actually shocking that the same author wrote what is one of my favourite stories in Tevinter nights, which is 'Eight Little Talons' and which also features the crows as crows should be characterized.

I honestly think the only saving of that character for me in the upcoming game will be if someone who has actually read the Dragon Age lore on the Antivan Crows did the writing for him.

I don't even care that he looks a bit like Keanu Reeves, who is one of my all time favourite actors, nor that assassins tend to be some of my favourite classes to play.

Not even that I was really looking forward to playing a Crow again.

Man, if only Viago wasn't with Teia I'd have paid body parts for him as the companion crow (or Teia for that matter). And my polyamorous heart would've exploded in happiness to have them as a team you could potentially be in a polyam relationship with.

If that subtle, wickedly clever old Caterina Dellamorte, Lucanis and Illario's grandmother, who has kept hold of her position as First Talon for so long, saw her grandson acting like that she'd probably do what she did to Emil. (Which, in case you haven't read it, was smash his head in with a heavy handled cane then stab him to death.)

What the hell happened? Were they smoking the Harry Dresden smoke a bit heavily when they wrote 'The Wigmaker?' Some other kind of smoke? Were the editors drunk?

I swear. These things are part of why I keep saying that Bioware needs better developmental and diversity editors.

And no, I'm not talking about me. I would love to get into writing and editing for games. (Side-eyes the last year in the gaming industry. I think?)

But I don't write about Dragon Age and other games in hopes of landing a job. I do it to get these thoughts out of my head. And because I just love gaming. I've been doing it for over 30 years.

But they certainly need somebody.

[miss0atae]

The Sign ep 9 had so much more action than I expected. I thought we would just see a very devastated Tarn.

I'm not saying we didn't saw him being deeply affected by what happened to Phaya. He was very much thinking about him and he also felt guilty. It's a recurring conversation he had with several other characters where he believes people he loves will eventually die.

This episode was also about his parents' murder, how to catch the killer and the investigation the team have on Kao's case. The series never relies on one aspect only. It's always the fantasy, romance and action mixed together in every episode. I think that's why I find it so much compelling.

Well, we got enough time to be annoyed by Dr. I-can't-accept-it-will-never-meant-to-be (aka Dr. Chalothon). He really is trying everything to separate Tharn and Phaya. After some decades, century, I would have stopped trying because at the end of all his actions, the lovers always find each other and try to be together. He is so selfish and his ego is big, he can't accept the truth. I just want to say that Heng is killing it as a villain. We don't see him a lot but every time I see his evil fixed grin, I'm like "Damn, you're really the bad guy".

I'm glad, Phaya woke up at the end of the episode and he is relatively well. I hope Tharn will not try to distance himself from him, especially now that Phaya seemed to have found his memory back from his previous life.

All the members of the team are such great friends to Tharn. I like the friendship they have.

One thing annoyed me a bit in this episode. I'm not surprised when the villains act badly because you expect them to be this way. Yet, I want to know who Dao think she is?! I was socked when she accused Tharn. It was so uncalled. He was already feeling bad and he blamed himself for what happened. She didn't need to say it this way. I'm glad, Thongthai or Yai (can't remember which one) called her out.

Anyway, why do we have to wait for another week to have the next episode?! This series are teaching me how to be patient and it's not easy.

[sirianasims]

Chapter 33

Forever & Always

I had hoped the constant worrying would go away after we got married. After all, wasn’t that what I had been waiting for? And then we had Hailey, and a year later we had a mortgage in Copperdale, far away from everyone we knew. I was also pregnant again.

I loved my little family with an intensity that scared me, and it made my anxiety even worse.

Sometimes I would wake up in the middle of the night and go to Hailey’s room, just to check that she was still breathing, and hadn’t been taken or hurt somehow.

I couldn’t go back to bed until I felt certain that she was fine.

In the mornings I woke up next to Samuel, wondering how much longer it would take before he was tired of me.

Or maybe he would fall in love with someone else. Or get in some sort of horrible accident or get sick and die, leaving me all alone.

I was constantly on edge.

Some days it felt like my anxiety sucked all the air from the house and even Samuel was struggling to breathe around me.

On those days, the fights got bad.

“I am not asking for much, Samuel, I just want you to spend a little time with your family sometimes! But you always put work first, like Hailey and I aren’t important! Like you don’t even care about us!”

“You’re being ridiculous, this has nothing to do with my work. This is about you and your own fucked up issues, Freya. Just like no amount of medals or trophies were ever going to make you feel good enough, there’s nothing I can do or say to convince you that I care.”

“You keep expecting me to manage all these feelings you’re having about random shit. You don’t just wear your emotions on your sleeve, you make them other people’s problem. My problem. And I can’t bring my bad mood to work, people depend on me. I’m a doctor, I have a responsibility to my patients, and -“

“I am aware that you’re a doctor, Samuel – because you never ever let me forget it! But you’re also a husband and a father and you have certain responsibilities here too!”

Yesterday had been pretty bad.

Samuel was quiet the next morning. I walked up to him as he was getting ready to leave for work.

“I’m sorry about last night. It’s just hormones. Promise you’ll come back.”

“Dammit, Freya, why are you so afraid that I’m going to leave you? Do you really think I’d give up on my wife, my daughter and my unborn child just because of a stupid argument? Do you not trust me at all?”

“You did once leave me for several years just because I wouldn’t kiss you.”

“Are you serious? That was a decade ago! We were fifteen, Freya!”

“I know, I’m sorry. I guess I’m just having my stupid feelings as usual. I’ll try not to bother you with them.”

“Freya, don’t. Please. Not now.”

“Listen, I promise that I will be back tonight, but right now I really need to get to the hospital. I’m already late.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Everything I did wore Samuel down, and I knew I was doing it, but I couldn’t stop myself. I needed him to stop me, to calm me down. I’d argue with him about things I didn’t even care about, just to have him look at me and tell me that everything was fine. To make him remind me, just once more, that he wasn’t going anywhere.

Only in bed were we in perfect sync. By now it was like a precisely choreographed dance, the same every time. We’d go to bed, turn off the lights. Most nights, we would kiss and say goodnight and then turn around, falling asleep with our backs to each other.

Occasionally, maybe once or twice a month, one of us would make the kiss linger ever so slightly, and then Samuel would move his hands down my body, making sure I was ready before entering me.

On those nights, we’d fall asleep with our bodies pressed close. It was nice. And it was a break from the reality of what we had become. But as I got close to my due date, even that stopped.

beginning / previous / next

[fuck-customers]

Pls tell me someone else has been through something similar.

TL;DR: Paid for a strangers groceries. Got asked out by him through his friend. Denied coz Idk why he did that & uh... he was deff not femme presenting so not my preference (& I still feel bad about it lmao). 🥲 #rip

○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

I don't hate this customer, but I constantly wonder if anyone has had a shared experience like this so if you have, PLEASE leave it in the comments (or reblogs).

(*Shared experience as in... a stranger/customer asking you out for something you did for them while on the clock or something you showed them at work that's a work perk.)

When I was a cashier at the american grocery store "English en Español", I was in a low income area. I constantly had cis men hitting on me for no valid reason, as I'm not the socially accepted aesthetic for "attractive" (probably because it was a small town so there wasn't much selection & I live in cities so I dressed/acted differently than most? Idk. I'm a transman, pre-t & pre-surgery, but present as femme for safety reasons, espec in small towns). I often didn't notice until coworkers told me after they had left or until the man, himself, told me straight up. It was common enough that we had a signal bc apparently I suck at picking up on people hitting on me. NO ONE working that night signaled for this one, despite several of my coworkers seeing this.

So needless to say, I did NOT see this coming.

There was a guy with two girls checking out their groceries at my register. It was late at night, close to closing. When it came to the guys portion of the groceries, he split things up to afford everything. (I feel that lol.) His card declined on the last part. He was maybe $25ish(?) short (idr exact amount). He asked to take off a few things & I was like "Wait, wait." & jumped around & slid my own card & paid for his stuff. At that time (about a decade ago) my finances were mostly stable. I was doing what I could for anyone who needed it. It wasn't abnormal for me to pay for people whose groceries got declined by under $50 if I had it that month. I was stuck at a grocery store all day & people quite literally need food. It's the *least* I could do while financially stable, yknow? He wasn't someone I singled out... just someone else I managed to have the privilege of helping.

But this guy looked like he was both a) about to cry & b) incredibly embarrassed. He barely whispered thank you to me before grabbing everything & RUNNING out the door. His two friends thanked me profusely & followed him out *normally*. Lol.

I didn't have anyone else to check out coz it was almost 10pm at that point, so I was just vibing at my register. Maybe 5 whole minutes later (yes, THAT LONG) one of the girls the guy was with comes back in & runs up to my register.

I didn't say anything coz I was confused. Why is everyone running? Why does everyone have so much energy? Jeeze. 💀

She said, quickly & excitedly, "Remember the guy you just saw that you paid for his groceries?"

Me: "👁👄👁... yeah?"

Her: "Well, he wanted to know if you wanted to go out with him. Like, on a date."

Me, confused, not knowing what to say, stalling: "Uhhhhhhm."

In my mind, I'm thinking: 'Why would he want that? Because I paid for his groceries? Does he think I'm one of those dommes that gives money to their subs? Oh no. I'm a sub, not a dom! Maybe he just thinks I'm nice? Oh god, he's gonna find out I'm NOT nice if we date... but I really only like femme presenting people. How tf do I say that in a small town where I don't want that to get out? I don't know what's happening here, but-"

Me, without hesitation: "Sorry, but ...I like women?"

Her: "👁👄👁... Was that a question?"

Me: "...No?"

Her: "... 👁👄👁 ...Okay, I'll tell him. Thanks!"

Again, with the running. Running out the door. To the car. They looked about the same age as me. Early 20s. Like... where are they getting this ENERGY??? 😭

He NEVER came into the location I worked at again while I was there for 3 years lmao. The two girls did. Ik he lived in the area. This was before the time of grocery delivery. So uh... I feel awful lol.

I also feel awful because I never really say no to anyone in that context or break up with anyone. I always force *them* to say no or break up with me so that I don't have to do it. 😅 I'd never in a million years lead anyone on coz that's completely unfair, but I really just need the other person to do it & I couldn't in that situation so it still sits in the back of my mind like, "oh my god what have I done" kind of catastrophic thoughts spiraling from there. Meanwhile, he probably doesn't even remember I exist. 💀

So rip to me, I guess.

Please tell me someone else has had some kind of interaction where a stranger/customer has asked you out or tried to get with you based on something you did (or did for them) on the clock or a work perk you showed them/they saw. 😭 Pls make me feel less alone in this lmao.

Also make sure to give the follow up tea! Did you go out? Did it work? Are you married? ☕️ 🦊

When I was 19 I gave a lady a coupon for money off (I'm 50 I forget how much it was for.) and this lady tried to hook me up with her 13yo daughter. I dunno if that counts.

-Rodney

[ladylooch]

The reason Timo is on Liv about her and Luca. Is he’s scared he doesn’t want his babygirl to grow up and not need her dad anymore. And he opens up to Liv about and she’s like your my dad I’m always gonna need no matter how old I am.

Liv’s event night was perfect. But there was still more to mend with her dad.

Timo picked Liv up at her apartment and they walked to a local French Bistro for brunch after the group returns to New York. Emma and Timo rearranged their flights to stay for a few more weeks, now that things seem to be trending upwards.

“Did you have a good night on Saturday?” Timo asks after they both order cappuccino’s to drink.

“I did.” She nods, smoothing her hand over the paper menu. Timo folds his hands together and places them on the table. 

“Did mama give you my letter?” He asks.

“She did.” Emma had brought the letter to parents weekend. Liv had cried for hours, reading and re-reading her dad’s sincere, lengthy apology. Her tears made inky circles in several places from dripping off her chin. “It… helped.” Liv nods encouragingly.

“I’m glad. Well, I want to say again that I was out of line in August. I said things to you that I did not mean and I know they hurt you. I am very sorry. I…” He sighs, licking his lips. “My priority as your dad has always been to protect you and I let you down that night… and many nights before that.” 

“Can you tell me why you acted that way?”

“Livy, I don’t know what came over me. You were so defiant to me that night and that’s okay. You don’t have to listen to me anymore. And I was wrong. But there was this scrunch on your face that reminded me of mama and I felt so unimportant. At the same time, it felt like such a disrespect to see what you two were doing so openly.”

“I didn’t know you were home.”

“I know, baby. I know.” Timo reaches out, squeezing her hand. “But also, when you’re a parent… if you want to be a parent… you’ll know how bad it hurts to see your babies grow up and not need you anymore. To me, that is what happened in August.” 

“I’m always going to need you.” Liv murmurs after the waitress sets their drinks down.

“Yeah, but it’s not the same. When you were little, you used to cling to me. All my dress shirts had wrinkles where your fists would clutch the fabric because you didn’t want me to put you down. Lio was kind of like that, but when you came along it was next level. That made me feel like the most important man in the world. Well, and mama, but I miss that. And I guess I’ve always had a hard time with you growing up. Not the boys, you.” 

“Okay, but that’s not fair to me.”

“I know.”

“I deserve to have life experiences without wondering what the guard dog thinks or how he will react.” 

“And you want those with Luca Fiala?”

“Yes. He’s perfect for me. He gets me… like no one else has ever even tried to. I hope you can find a way to want that for me.” 

“I do, Livy. I want you to have that once in a lifetime love. The kind that still gives you butterflies two decades later.” 

“You and mama have always inspired me.” Liv smiles gently. “I talked to mama about when she knew you were the one and… when she tried to put words to it, she couldn’t. It was just a feeling. I know what she means.” Timo smiles, remembering that feeling with Em vividly.

“I’m happy for you. Honestly.” Timo squeezes her hand again. “And I’m really sorry. I hate what my actions did to our relationship. I understand if it takes time for us to be okay again. I want to earn your trust back.” Liv gets up, tears poking her eyes. She throws herself onto Timo, bumping her butt on the table in the process. She’s pretty sure she spilled his water, but once her arms are around his shoulders, she can’t let go. She missed him. Her first and fiercest protector. After several minutes, she settles back into her chair, both of them wiping at fresh tears.

Liv scans the menu for her meal choice, having no incling about her dad’s private, dinner plans with the love of her life.