#i feel like im not allowed to not know those things bc whats my excuse. would i know what those words meant in my native language if i was

[perilegs]

You often leave tags worrying about your English spelling and typos, which is ridiculous because you have better English grammar and correct spelling more than most first language English speakers

ahdjdk i know but ty, i appreciate hearing it!

[ganondoodle]

okay, bc i have seen this argument alot now (and it also seems to be the view point of aonuma himself..) is that "zelda cant do everything link does bc whats the point then"

and i take personal offense on that bc its a stupid argument (in. my. very. personal. opinion.- not judging people for liking it. its a ME thing)

whats the point? its that its her. its still a different character, different in story, background, personality, but i WANT to play zelda and she can do everything link does, why does she have to be so restricted and be bend over backwards to find some new way to make her 'useful' when link gets to do basically everything no questions asked (the only thing thats hers is like .. sealing power and sacrificial maiden, which i find a little underwhelming to say the least), if theres no point to it why are there always modders that model swap link with someone else, and in that case it has even less impact bc its an artificial model swap with no changes to the story (which can and should still be different when its the vanilla game with a different protagonist... its still a different character), clearly theres joy in just the model being a different one- and that isnt even to mention the story possibilities, since, again, its stil a different character

if we ever (never ... i know who we are talking about here) get to play as ganondorf i want to him to be just as versatile and active as link is, if we got a point and click adventure game for him instead bc 'whats the point' id be disappointed too- you can find any sort of excuse/explanation for zelda to be singled out but the fact remains it tracks with how female characters are often treated, and that hits a very sore spot for me

i guess i am unfortunately one of those annoying people that want to see female characters be treated exactly the same as male characters, possibly bc i am myself afab but identify as agender and have a deeply personal dislike for anything 'traditional' feminine bc i cannot and never will be able to truly live as myself in real life, it influences all of my work, my work is as just as much as my opinion on this, very personal

and in line with my point about modding, i see theres joy in just beign able to play as her even if its like this, i get that, i also get it for the creative aspect (though that mechanic worries me even more for the future bc it really seems to be the path now that -freedom = good, linear anything = bad-) it is a different idea and its not like i cant see that value- im not trying be "right" either, just bc i have that opinion doesnt mean i need everyone to agree, its a very personal thing, if you like it good for you! not for me though, and i think both of that is equally valid

i just personally wish she was allowed to be just like link, fight just like him but be different bc its still her and not him in the end- to be physically/playstyle like jsut like him, but you know ... as her, i dont think shed stop being zelda if she could wield a sword just like him

i dont really know how to get my point/feelings across, i dont want to step too much into personal stuff nor spam people with something that ultimately doesnt interest me alot, im just saddened by it really

(EDIT: bc i forgot to add this on here again; this isnt as much of a problem as it might sound like here, just the main topic i wanted to talk about; why im so uninterested in it is MAINLY bc i dont trust them to write anything interesting/care about lore anymore after totk, im always on the more pessimistic side that thinks its most likely worse than id hope and i know even the past games arent perfect or super interestingly written, but now its much more just a general distrust, together with everything like the price ... im just much less hopeful and cant get excited until i see more of it, like im waiting for the game to get out and reveal that its just as much of a mess and money i regret spending- kind of fear)

[fandomfluffandfuck]

ok so the new pics of our boys have made me simultaneously freak out and wish i was there. obviously this has sparked thoughts, mainly bc there most definitely needs to be a subastian comeback after seeing chris place those not-so-slick lingering touches all over seb’s back.

(this is so long cos i got carried away but will not be apologising😭😭)

the way seb feels nervous as he finishes being photographed and starts up the street, cameras everywhere and waiting for him to do something worthy of publishing. he walks up to the place where all of kevin’s guests are waiting and… there he is. chris. standing beside another man seb doesnt recognise but cant care about because look. chris has decided apparently that he wants to torment sebastian by showing up wearing one of his signature tight shirts. it stretches across his chest perfectly, squeezing at the meat of his biceps and making them bulge obscenely out of the sleeves. seb cant stop staring, even as he excuses himself to get through the crowd of people blocking his path to chris.

he gravitates towards the older man, not stopping until they’re within touching distance and even then, sebastian is unable to stop staring at the sharp cut of chris’ jaw and the way his eyes crinkle when he smiles. a few seconds go by until chris notices hes there, and he turns to sebastian with such warmth in his eyes that seb isnt sure what to do with himself.

“seb! you made it,” he says, that low voice of his washing over sebastian as he nods and allows chris to get in his space, “im so glad to see you.”

its been a while since they last saw each other in person, and yet the pavlovian response sebs body has to even the slightest bit of praise from chris comes back in full force. he smiles widely, a deep blush coloring his cheeks when chris places a large hand on the small of his back. the touch makes sebastian shiver and he hangs on to whatever chris is saying, introducing seb to the other man even though his name goes in one ear and out of the other. sebastians brain is too busy trying not to melt out of his ears as chris slides his hand across to his hip and then lower down his back.

“you guys havent met before, have you?” chris is saying, and sebastian shakes his head, subconsciously leaning into the touch he has missed for the better part of a year (since they filmed ghosted together). the thrill of knowing the things he used to let chris do to him behind closed doors is making sebs head feel foggy as he tries his best to engage in the conversation. fortunately, chris does most of the talking for him, another thing seb appreciates because it just goes to show how well chris really knows him.

until everyone is told to take their seats, chris doesnt remove his hand from sebastians back and it drives him crazy. the fleeting touch would be innocent if not for the past nights that had started with a polite hand on sebs back and ended with one fisted in his hair. and it doesnt help sebastian to relax when chris keeps stealing in depth glances at him out of the corner of his eye - it only serves to make seb want to meet that gaze in the hopes that its as hungry as he remembers it to be.

chris leads him towards their chairs when the conversation ends. they sit down, an empty chair labelled ‘chris pratt’ placed between their seats. chris takes the time to lean over and catch sebs attention.

“you cut your hair,” he murmurs into sebastians ear, “i like it.”

“thank you, chris,” seb replies, ever polite just how chris taught him, blushing furiously under the praise. he wants too many things at once - for chris to reach out and touch him, anywhere or everywhere, sebastian doesnt care.

“you’re welcome, sweetheart,” says chris, and the nickname makes sebs stomach flip, “though, it is a lot shorter than it used to be. less to pull on, in my opinion.”

sebastian couldnt feel more cornered if he tried, despite being in the middle of a crowd of actors who all have no ided what is manifesting between him and chris in this moment. sebastian blinks and suddenly, another man is taking up the space between him and chris; chris pratt. he grins at the two of them and strikes up and comversation with sebastian’s chris. seb inwardly grumbles but is partially grateful for the interruption - he isnt sure what he might have done if chris kept looking at him like that. hungry. wanting. like, if he could, he was seconds from leading seb away from the group and pushing him up against a wall somewhere.

inevitably, after another round of photos and festering sexual tension, thats exactly what ends up happening. with the paps having taken all the photos they need and their cameras being put away, chris takes the opportunity to gently nudge sebastian towards a theatre of some kind nearby and into one of the single bathrooms around the corner.

the moment the door locks, neither of them can keep their hands off each other. its been so long without any time alone, months since seb has felt the way chris touches his body like he owns it and makes sebastian ache like he never has before. the two of them are all heavy breathing and sloppy kisses and eager hands, untucking shirts and unbuttoning pants.

its animal, the kind of hunger that latches onto sebastians gut and tugs, making him press chris into the door and line up their bodies so he can get one of chris’ thick thighs between his own and use it to give himself some relief.

“fuck, i missed you, sweetheart,” chris whispers, letting his hands find their way into sebastians hair, “you’ve been on my mind for months.”

“you thought about me?” seb asks breathlessly, not because he doesnt believe chris but because hearing how much chris wanted him might be enough to get him off.

“of course i did,” chris says, pushing his thigh into sebastians erection and eliciting a wanton moan from the younger mans mouth, “ive been waiting to get my hands on you for as long as we’ve been apart. you have no idea the things i want to do to you - you’re the prettiest thing ive ever seen and ive wanted to show you just how much i want you for months.”

chris continues with his sweet words until seb is making embarrassingly pathetic noises into the crook of chris’ neck, biting and licking at it in between gentle whimpers and desperate whines.

“are you close already, baby? are you gonna use me and make yourself come?”

seb nods weakly, his breath catching in his throat as he grinds against chris’ thigh with irregular movements and chases his pleasure.

“make a mess for me, sweetheart, thats a good boy…”

chris’ encouragement is what does seb in, in the end. he comes in his fucking underwear like a teenager, pressing his fingers into every part of chris’ body that he can reach and pulling him in as closely as he can.

when this is over, theyll talk some more, maybe arrange to get coffee together since theyre both currently in the same city. chris will invite sebastian over to his hotel and seb will pretend he isnt vibrating at the prospect of having an actual bed for chris to take him apart on. but in the meantime, seb needs to calm down, get his legs working again, and tell chris just how much he enjoyed this.

oh. and figure out a way to clean up his pants…

- ok thanks for reading this mess i just let the thoughts flow and they would not stop😅

related to pictures from Chris and Seb being together at the Hollywood Wa/k Of Fame ceremony for kevin Feige

Yeah! If I couldn't've been there, then I'm so fucking glad we got so much footage and so many angles of it! Every single one makes me stare at my phone like an idiot.

The "not-so-slick" touches... yeah 😮‍💨😮‍💨 we all KNOW that Chris being handsy makes poor Sebastian feel some kind of way.

(No! Do not apologize!! I am always here for the length 😏)

Exactly! The tight shirt! Evans, HOW COULD YOU. I love this description of Chris, too 🤤🤤 Anyone would stop dead in their tracks, no matter the amount of famous foot traffic behind them, lol

"Touching distance" is so visceral!! I love!

The sweetness of Chris underlaid with Seb's trained response to it 😏 I love it and the casual possessive touching, too. Get it, Seb! Let that name go in one ear and out the other 💀💀

The lean in! The fogginess!! Yes!

"until everyone is told to take their seats, chris doesnt remove his hand from sebastians back and it drives him crazy. the fleeting touch would be innocent if not for the past nights that had started with a polite hand on sebs back and ended with one fisted in his hair. and it doesnt help sebastian to relax when chris keeps stealing in depth glances at him out of the corner of his eye - it only serves to make seb want to meet that gaze in the hopes that its as hungry as he remembers it to be."

That whole fucking paragraph. Just. Yeah. 😮‍💨🥴

The way Chris taught him? 👀 Oh? I would like to know more?

Cock block Pratt, how dare he, lmao. But Seb's right with that... there would've been shit going down not appropriate for the public if something hadn't stopped them. Oh, if only 😈

YES! GET IT! GET THEM AWAY FROM THOSE CROWDS!

"its animal, the kind of hunger that latches onto sebastians gut and tugs, making him press chris into the door and line up their bodies so he can get one of chris’ thick thighs between his own and use it to give himself some relief."

I. Yeah. Yup. That's hot.

Of course, Seb likes hearing Chris say it 😏

“are you close already, baby? are you gonna use me and make yourself come?”

I. WILL. DIE.

Me and so will Sebastian when he has to do the walk of shame out of that bathroom. Sorry, boys, but I kind of hope the paps get pictures of that, too 👀

In conclusion:

I love this whole fucking scene for them, the mounting tension between them with this whole event as build up, the cutting loose so soon after the event, and the tease at more...

Goddamn.

Thank you for this. I will now read it again and picture more about how they look in that fucking bathroom stall because. Yeah.

[dilucsfav]

i found ur cyno x m!reader hcs and i was wondering if you could do the exact same thing but with an f!reader instead?

Yes, of course love! I would absolutely love to write this! i feel as though there won't be much of a difference, though, whether the reader is female, male, gender neutral, unlabeled, ykyk?? im not complaining at all, of course. this gives me more of an excuse to write more hcs about my dear HAHSHHHhckn. This wasn't a request but... what do you guys think of some kazuha hcs next?? AND THEN I'LL DO GIRLS PROBABLTD SJHJSDJJ-

Cyno hcs and scenarios!!! (cyno x f!reader)

warning(s): fluff,,,, and nsfw. of course.

omg okay cyno is so😻😻 like. when you’re deep into a sentence or a rant about something i can just imagine this man staring at you so intently and carefully ahhzhhIsudhh.

^^ OKAY AND LIKE. hear me out. one finger lays on his chin and his legs are crossed, his elbow resting on his knee. while he’s staring at you with thoSE DAMN EYES BRO😩😩

if you’re like me who wakes up a lot in the middle of the night, imagine him waking up and noticing you’re awake and just kinda taking your shoulder and like—

“Mm, why’re you up? Come back to bed with me, sunshine.”

such a quiet boy but so respectful. always silently studying and admiring you and just.

as i said in the last hcs with cyno, he’s an extremely overprotective boyfriend. although he fights a lot and can’t be there all the time, he wants to know where you're at, what you're doing, what you plan on doing, etc.

^^ to be fair, though, he trusts you. he just wants to make sure you're safe at all times and that you don't do anything stupid. he loves you too much to lose somebody as special as you which makes him that way :(

personally?.... would i mind cyno wanting to know everything i was doing?... no...

imagine this scenario. you and cyno had been traveling and youre just physically and mentally exhausted. cyno feels guilty and allows you to sleep while he picks you up (bridal style), softing rubbing you and holding you close to him while he walks.

JHASHUKDJBFSHJSDJDJ.

if this man can lift that fucking big boy by his neck like he did in that one scene, he can sure as hell carry me. period the end.

unintentionally hot???

^^ would tap his knuckles pondering in his thoughts. would take heavy breaths and roll his eyes every which way to think.

"Is that right? Hm, (Y/N)?"

nsfw!:

dom.

HE'D BE SO GOOD WITH HIS TONGUE. cmon dont lie and say you disagree PLEASE

i feel like his tongue would be long

again, i think that a lot of the times the sex would just be eager and impatient. it can be due to time, but a lot of the times its bc hes jealous,,, or needy,,, or just wanted to release,,, or all three if you want

will literally fuck anywhere, he does not care.

omg if youre receiving from him he loves LOVES loves loves when you're about to release and your thighs just squeeze his head omg

or when he sucks at the spots you really enjoy you rub your heels against his back and HUDSJHSDHJDJH.

such a huge teaser omg and kinda mean too

would quietly wreck you tbh

he grunts. a lot.

a lot of the time you have the advantage when hes jealous, so if you act like a brat, say hello to your new friend called a wheelchair

"if you're grateful enough with my fingers in your mouth, maybe I'll give you something better."

always respectful, just not in bed

live laugh love cyno.

[csprslvt]

teacher aide pt 5

Summary: Ellie wakes up to seeing the love of her life and is filled with adoration, who knew that could be replaced with hate so quickly?

Warnings: kissing, sexual touching(?) Reader is self-destructive, Ellie gets her feelings hurt, short chapter (IM SORRY) Ellie kicks a trashcan bc shes angy. lmk if I missed anything!

This time when you woke up in Ellie’s bed, you stayed until she woke up. She had a rough day yesterday, you didn't have any classes in the morning, you owed her your time. You had no excuse to leave her in the state she was in. Your phone vibrated, notifications from Abby.

Goodmorning y/n. At 8:02 am

You smiled, typing a response, It felt wrong doing so with Ellie sleeping on your chest. But it was Abby, you couldn't ignore her.

Goodmorningggg, i'm sorry about yesterday  At 8:03 am

It's all good, how is Ellie?  At 8:03 am

You frowned, Abby was so caring even towards people that didnt like her. Ellie was always absorbed in jealousy when Abby was around you. They were so different yet so similar.

She's asleep. I'm waiting for her to wake up. At 8:04 am

You're a good friend y/n. At 8:04 am 

You didn't feel like one. You had given Ellie false hope, false hope that you could love her. Somehow along the way, the lines between friendship and romance had become blurred. You two had an intense homoerotic connection. As much as you would like to deny it, she wanted more. You didn't. You were wrapped up in Abby’s courtship, her loving gaze, it was all her. Still something about being with Ellie felt all too natural. Being around Abby was a breath of fresh air and Ellie was like a sharp inhale.

Should you tell Abby this? Most likely not. But upholding a sense of engimac energy was getting exhausting. Connecting with people was difficult for you, pushing them away was your thing. Maybe it was time to let someone in.

I don't feel like one. At 8:06 am

Why's that? At 8:06 am

I'm not stupid yk? Like ik Ellie wants more than a friendship with me. And here I am, allowing her to think that it'll happen. At 8:08 am

You don't want to be with her? At 8:08 am

I'm not really good at relationships. At 8:08 am

What makes you think that? At 8:09 am

I don't know, I just struggle to express my feelings in a way that people understand. I push them away because it overwhelms me, I've never had a serious relationship. At 8:09 am

Just because people don't understand how you show love doesn't mean you aren't worth loving y/n. At 8:09 am

You inhaled, you felt like you could cry, staring at the screen with blue light in your face. Those were the words you needed to hear that no one had ever spoken. No one had dared to understand the way you showed emotion. You had hardly understood it yourself.

You're smart and so funny and kind and god you are so beautiful y/n. You are a person worth loving.  At 8:09 am

Ellie stirred on your chest as you shivered from Abby’s words. She would wake up soon.

You're not so bad yourself Anderson. At 8:10 am

It was hard to take it seriously, what she was saying. It was so foreign to you to feel seen,understood, maybe even loved.

Hahaha. At 8:11 am

Ellie shifted, you texted Abby goodbye for now and put your phone down. You stroked Ellies auburn hair as she awoke.

She opened her eyes, adjusting to her surroundings, then she locked eyes with you and she looked so love stricken it was painful.

“You're here” she said with an adoring smile.

“I wouldn't leave you alone in that state Els”

Ellie blinked, her cheeks flushed showing off her starry array of freckles. Her eyes shifted down to your lips, then back to your eyes.

“I could kiss you right now.”

You gulped, frozen in place, the hand you had in her hair stopped moving and you stilled to look at her. Sunshine hitting her green eyes she stared at you. Never had she been this bold. Never were you forced to push away from her.

“I could kiss you right now… would you stop me? Hmm?” She asked you, her voice raspy from her sleep, she was so authentically Ellie right now. How could you reject her?

She leaned towards you eyes hooded with desire, her lips brushing yours so lightly and briefly and intimately it couldn't be counted as a kiss.

“Why won't you stop me?”

You couldn't speak.

“Why do you act like you want me and then say you don't? So confusing.”

“Ellie it's not appropriate-”

“Oh don't play coy with me, you spend half your nights cuddled up in my bed with me. Nothing about our relationship has ever been appropriate”

It had been so long since you were touched. So long since you have been kissed, the temptation to give in filled your brain. An impulsive temptation.But the thoughts of a certain blond permeated the black space of your mind.

“Ellie, if we do this our friendship will never be the same.”

“Hmm I don't care” She was so close, you could feel her breathing on your face, light and soft. She placed her hands on top of yours, resting on your chest.

“Jus’ want you. I don't want friendship. I want to kiss you.”

“Will you let me?” She said very seriously, looking deep into the molecules of your being.

“Ellie…” 

Hope and fear of rejection mixed in her green eyes.

“Can I?”

You didn't say a word, instead you closed your eyes and  pressed your lips to hers, hungry and wanting. She took advantage, gently touching every part of you she could reach. Suddenly she was very awake, your hands wrapped around her neck and she straddled you, desperate mouths moved for more. Every part of you was high on Ellie.

She had you in a trance where the world and its consequences ran away. 

Ellie, Ellie, Ellie. 

She moved to your neck, kissing you so softly and lovingly, filled with unmet promises. You preened for her affections. 

That was until your phone vibrated, once and then again, You looked over and saw a notification that planted you back into reality.

Abby.

You pulled away and Ellie looked confused, her eyebrows furrowed in worry.

“Don't tell me you regret this already.” 

She sounded small, heartbroken and fueled with fear.  Her eyes searched your face for emotion but you felt so overwhelmed you'd become numb, you looked at her, and looked at your phone. She followed your gaze and got off of you, picking the phone up and seeing a notification from Abby. The love she felt was replaced with anger. 

“So this is about her isn't it?” She was fuming, so much emotion contained in her eyes, clouded with pain.

“Ellie please don't make a big deal out of this, It was a mistake.” you stood to face her, face the mess you created.

The moment you released those words you regretted them, the stung Ellie deep in her soul, in her heart.

There you were, destroying everything you touched once again.

“A mistake, this whole fucking thing we had going on, was a mistake?”

“Nothing was going on.”

Ellies eyebrows rose in surprise, she scoffed, “Oh so what, you just spent the night in everyone's dorm? Do you just let all of them call you babe and treat you special? Hm? Or was it just me you decided to take advantage of?”

Panic rose in your throat, the thousands of words you had to say escaped you. 

I'm a bad person, I'm a bad person. Look at what I've done. I'm a bad person.

You choked, you never cried, it wasn't something that came easy to you. But now, as you began to finally feel you needed to cry. Pushing back tears, you saw the destruction you created and the girl you had hurt in your own selfish process.

“I'm sorry” you said with a shaky voice. It pissed Ellie off even more.

“Oh fuck that. You don't get to sit here and feel sorry for yourself. You dont get to sit here and fucking cry!” Ellie was yelling now, she kicked the nearest thing, a trashcan, in your direction. You flinched but she was too furious to care.

Her words cut deep into you.

I'm a bad person, I'm a bad person.

“I should be the one fucking crying after the way you used me, and I know you arent stupid y/n. Youre one of the smartest people I know, you fucked me over and you know it.”

You couldn't speak, couldn't move, couldn't breathe. Everything hurts. Everything was your fault.

You were the one that kissed her first.

She was right.

“Get the fuck out y/n.” 

Quickly and without a word you gathered your things and practically ran out the dorm, slamming it shut behind you.

And Ellie? Well, as all the anger flooded in her veins she did nothing, nothing but hate.

[wenellyb]

oh yeah the Ryan stuff is,,, hm pretty awful. idk I remember Oliver stopped following him on instagram for a while, there were rumours that they didn't get on and tbh I wouldn't be surprised if they took a step back from each other at that point (could be wrong but I think it was like a year) - kinda ruined some of the character a bit for me but generally most of the fandom seems to have 'moved on from it' (I'm not judging ppl either way bc I dont feel like it's my place). idk I dont like to be one of those people who spreads shit about actors regardless of what they did but yeah. it was pretty bad. I think most ppl in the fandom figured it had 'blown over' (ie, he'd apologised to other cast members etc) by Aisha's wedding since they were all in photos together. always sucks when someone is so openly racist tho. - feel free not to respond to this, I can see why people wouldn't want this stuff on their blogs but yeah generally this is common knowledge in the fandom from what ive seen also pls excuse poor word choice since im essentially repeating what ive seen said about what happened so some of these phrases don't necessarily reflect what I think about what he did

Hi Anon!!! Thank you for providing context, arriving in a fandom later means not knowing what has happened before. The Ryan Guzman thing is really awful especially since most people seem to have "moved on"....

His wife saying racial slurs is one thing but then him doubling down and excusing that behavior is disgusting...

Thank you again for sending me this and explaining what happened. I see no problem with your choice of words and I understand what you mean.

I get you not wanting to spead stuff about actors because some people don't understand the difference between calling out problematic behavior and cyberbullying... I wouldn't want to contribute to the latter either.

That being said, I'm still dsitrustful of that man, he didnt seem remorseful in that article I reblogged. So if he did apologize he must have done it because of the backash not because he believed it...You see, since he has so many Black friends, he should be allowed to use racial slurs.

[thewingedwolf]

wait i’m gonna be so annoying and have a final thoughts here

the aesthetic & main romance has just really fallen off. they are incapable of sticking the landing in the third act & while they still have some good looks, i think there’s a certain level of playing it too safe (see Kate’s wardrobe!!!!!) and also just, bizarre makeup choices that were a bit distracting.

they also just don’t know how to keep a character waiting for their romance while building that character up over several arcs. kind of a bad trait to have for a tv show?? 😭😭 like, i love them with all my heart, but everyone has said that eloise, benedict, & colin have felt so confused at points as characters, like the writers didn’t know where to go with them. they’re just waiting for their romance instead of like, growing.

Colin was the male lead what do we even know about him beyond his inability to interact with a woman without projecting onto her.

once again the milfs outsold, agatha and violet are the best thing about this series and i don’t care how much i like violet’s lil thing with agatha’s brother, i want those two gossipy old milfs to kiss sloppy style.

it’s too goddamn short, i think this wasn’t a problem in s1 or qc bc it’s the First season so there’s not as many characters to follow but they keep introducing all these other characters that take space away from a) The Main Couple and b) The Bridgertons As A Family, and those are the draws of the series!! it’s too much for only 8 episodes, what happened to 12-18 episodes for high budget or cable shows, if they had these people on like Normal tv contracts they wouldn’t have such a hard time scheduling and have these long ass waits between seasons Either, im tired of this and i blame the duffer brothers and i want those two nerds hunted for sport.

also hyacinth and gregory are getting SO OLD OMG HURRY UP 😭😭😭

i think they did a better job this season with folding the siblings in together but it feels disjointed from s2. anthony & kate specifically feel very oddly thrown in there and idgi. i loved seeing the bridgertons using calling times as an excuse for Group Hangs, and i loved the way John pointed this out to Francesca. i liked that the ending with benedict where he’s realizing he’s the oldest still left at home with two like, toddler siblings and feeling unhappy with it, but bc they struggle with incorporating all the siblings together, we really lose that thread from last season between him & anthony that could have given benedict a way to explore his sexuality in a slutty way while also giving anthony something to do & not drop the art school thing. however, this is all detailed and would take a lot of time and they only have eight episodes. why. do 13-18 or im gonna start sending death threats to ceos. for legal reasons that’s a joke haha.

i do think in the few kathony scenes we got, they nailed the dynamic that she is the world’s most put upon eldest daughterson and he needs to be institutionalized. pls put jonathan bailey and simone ashley in another thing together so i can see them together again. this can’t be the end. be the next tom hanks and meg ryan please. he george clooney and julia roberts. i’m on my knees here.

am i allowed to say i’m glad we got a long devirginizing scene like in s1 & qc but also we did not see Nearly enough of those two fucking. more than kathony but imo still not on the level of the other two. also you could write an essay here about the sex politics of this show. i will refrain and say Is This Not The Pervert’s Show?? Can we Please get better pandering????

i think no one can handle a big cast like shonda not even her hand picked teams. qc handled having a host of characters so much better. early grey’s is really great at this. htgawm is good at this. u can tell what season she was really In That Writer’s Room. shonda pls get back in the writer’s room i need something as emotionally devastating as “meredith i’m so sorry” “you must be the woman whose screwing my husband” i need sexy like the “teach me” scene but with the freedom of streaming to get freaky with it, this cast WANTS to deliver but netflix & these writers are NOT up to the challenge!!!

i love bi benedict. even if nothing else comes of this i didn’t think they’d genuinely have benedict get intimate with and acknowledge being attracted to a man. genuinely really jazzed about that. but they Have said they want to explore his ~fluidity more and there’s so many scenarios that could be, i have no idea what the hell they mean by that askksjd. crossdressing sophie, genderbent to solomon, a trans sophie/solomon of some persuasion, im excited to see where they go!

BI FRANCESCA. MICHAELA STIRLING. PEOPLE ARE HATING BUT YOU HAVE MY ATTENTION. esp bc you could do a michaela that has like, resigned herself to a life of never feeling love only to fall in love At Her Cousin’s Wedding so well with this. these three, michaela francesca john, are gonna break my HEART i’m READY for it!

i want the resolution to one of the gay couples to include brimsley & reynolds encouraging charlotte to cure society of homophobia somehow. if we can do this with racism we can do it with homophobia. why the hell not.

listen to me. listen closely. are you listening. if we don’t get lesbian eloise what are we even fucking doing here. enough fucking around. give me a real sign this is all going somewhere. i am no longer asking.

[trickinabucket]

Im rewatching a cutscene movie for y5. And, well, we all know abt The Thing Majima did to Park.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE DV CW

COMPLETELY throwing my especially crazy headcanons out the window, i feel like there’s a case for Majima not being completely irredeemable for his actions. It’s DEFINITELY a mileage-may-vary thing, and I’m not saying ppl arent allowed to be hurt by/disgusted in the character or, lesbihonest, writers of the canon.

This is not an excuse, it is a reason.

(To clarify, to those out of the loop, he hit Park for having an abortion)

Majima does not have a right to be mad at what Park did w her own body and her own choice abt how her life should play out. But he was, in that moment, irrationally angry w what she did. He did something he was absolutely out of line for doing. Considering what he did afterwards (leaving the relationship since Park wanted to focus on her career), IMO, he knew he was out of line for what he did afterwards, came to the conclusion HIMSELF that he couldnt force her to do anything + decided they just have different goals in life + realized this was something he was always be something he resented her for, and left. He still did something out of line, but the point is, he knew he was out of line for it and reached the conclusion he wasn’t going to do right by Park if he dug his heels in.

Being glib, i suppose what i could be saying “he was sowwy afterwards :(” but I’m hoping that w what else I said I’m at least coming off as “he did wrong and tried to atone for it.” Whether or not he said, w his mouth, “im sorry”, is a different matter, and i wouldnt put it beneath him to never saying it at all.

I think the incident itself is something ppl need to acknowledge is what happened in the canon instead of, as a whole, pretending it didnt. It’s better to be honest abt the way we look at it, in order to validate how others may have (rightfully) taken it.

So, basically, he got a “not as awful as he could have been (but still awful)” sticker, bc i think we SHOULD have flawed characters.

(Also, Majima is a creep. He is a creepy, horrible guy. You know it’s true.)

[thedisablednaturalist]

Okay I'm actually feeling confused and upset by this. I don't know what I should've done in this situation:

I'm at a goodwill in a nice outdoor mall. My (physically abled) bf is with me. I am using my forearm crutches. My bf pushes the cart with our items up to the cashier. We are paying separately and bf lets me go first. I pull out my wallet, struggling just a little to get my card out bc, well, forearm crutches + hand impairment. I hand my card to my bf so he can go through the payment process for me since he saw I was already struggling.

The cashier then looks at me, then looks at my bf and says "What's her problem?" and I can tell by his voice he's probably severely autistic and/or developmentally disabled (he asked it in the way my brother usually asks questions). He then says "Can't you walk?"

Im conflicted. I WANT to tell him to fuck off and storm out but I'm tired and I just want to pay for my items (we found some good deals). Also, I felt bad because my brother asks questions like that sometimes (and we are usually there to gently correct him and apologize). My bf is looking at me for signals on how to handle the situation.

I just use my neutral cop out answer and say "I have a spinal condition". The cashier then says what like he didn't hear, so my bf repeats my answer. That gets him to be quiet and we just pay and leave.

I didn't want to get him in trouble by reporting him to the manager, because I know how hard it is to get a job as a disabled person. He also reminded me of my brother. But I know that being disabled isn't an excuse to be ableist to others, and I was genuinely upset and felt embarrassed by his questioning. I don't like discussing my disability with strangers when I'm just out existing. There's a time and a place for those sorts of questions (I prefer when I talk to groups in educational settings or where I can filter out shitty questions/ones I'm not comfortable about like I can online). I'm not there to be questioned, I'm there to buy a used monitor.

He could've just been worried or unable to filter out his curiosity like my brother, or he could've genuinely seen me as an invalid who shouldn't be allowed to go out in public (autistic people aren't exempt from being extremely ableist about physically disabled people). He did kind of refuse to acknowledge me and only spoke to my bf.

Idk what would've been better for me to do. Should I have stuck up for myself and other physically disabled people by telling him to fuck off (possibly costing his job or started a fight)? Should I have taken the time to educate him (continuing my embarrassment and divulging personal information)? Or did I do the right thing by giving a vague answer?

[onlyjaeyun]

I’m sorry but if a wealthy man loved me enough to solve my problems then I’d for sure be happy about it. Maybe I’m crazy, but I do not care.

To be totally honest, if I were Miss YN I would be so thrilled that someone FINALLY put me first like—

He isn’t researching/interfering in her life to control her.

He is trying to remove the things that are holding her back and holding her down and hurting her.

If she really loves him and understands him she will see that immediately.

He doesn’t know how to love or be loved. He’s doing his best. If he was trying to figure out a way to trap her that would be totally different. But people with power should help the powerless (in my opinion). He has wealth and power. What is the point of any of it if you can’t help the people you love? Not to tie them to you, but to set them free and allow them to be who they want to be without those negative elements holding them back.

He’s not stalking her. He’s fighting the battles she literally does not have the power to fight herself. No one should have to fight their own battles all the time. That is the point of having people who love you. They can fight beside you or for you if the occasion calls for it. And there is nothing wrong with that. Jay just has more resources at his disposal than the average simp. I mean it’s not like he hacked her webcam and is watching her change.

The woman he loves literally told him she was being abused and taken advantage of. I would be more worried if he didn’t do something.

Sorry but I’m with Jay on this one. If I love someone my love language is trying to make their life easier and doing everything within my power to spare them from misuse and abuse.

the way this was explained in such detail made me realise quite a few things and honestly atp im pretty sure you guys just read my mind and take the thoughts ro make them yours BC THIS IS WHAT I MEANT!!!!!! still, his behavior isn't necessarily excuseable and i absolutely accept criticism when it comes to this yet i do feel like this explains it quite well so thank you so much baby 🥺💞

(this is in no way attacking anyone and their opinions baby!💞)

[bropunzeling]

hello hi!! it is me again!! finished my bropunzeling doubleheader and ahgggghh hhhh!!!!!! i swear to god the payoff in only fools rush in is so good it made me see STARS . i loved it so much oh my god. i’m obsessed with matthew the sort of unreliable narrator who cannot for the life of him figure out that leon is so down bad it makes him look stupid. the spain chapter !!!!!!!!!!!!! just sooooo good!!!!!! it’s been a while since i’ve reread girl!leon (my beloved) and one thing i do remember vividly is how much i loved the sicily chapter, where she’s pining so bad. idk there’s something about them on vacation that hits different . maybe it’s because it’s july but maybe not who knows. the portrayal of the loneliness matthew feels and the moving across the continent about it felt so real to me (and relatable. ouchie!!)

also. the porn. the feelings that are expressed through it. that is so well done and so hard to come by? like the way they express their affection through it is phenomenal. gagged me fr i’m going to be thinking about it for a while

there’s one bit that made me go insane fr fr. near the end, when they’re in leon’s hotel room and they’re finally resolving:

“I do," he says. His voice is shaking, from fear or nerves or adrenaline or the hope that's threatening to consume him. It akes all of his courage to uproot himself, to make himself move wards Leon. To take that last, final step, until he and Leon are almost touching. Are close enough that Matthew can feel Leon's sody heat, can see the lines around his eyes, can smell hotel shampoo and skin. "I do want it."

i don’t know if the narration break (i don’t know the right word for it) between “i do” and “i do want it” done on purpose as in the wedding vows i dos but anyways it made me go CRAZY. JUST AHHHHHHHH SICK SICKKKKKKK. genuinely made me glad i have eyeballs and a brain. GOD.

anyways. i do still believe you are akin to jane austen . i love you and i am going to read the matty/shane fic i had put off (bc i don’t really know them) with an open heart and full trust. i love you and u live your writing <33333333333 hope your pillow is cool on both sides tonight <3

anon it is potentially indulgent to publish this but i dont want to lose it in my inbox!!!! im kissing you on the mouth!!!! ty for being so kind! especially since i've been feeling less creative than the past few years (which, tbh..... the output of the past two years were deeply unsustainable 💀) and the current wip is going slow. ur timing is so wonderful. thank you!!!! it amazes me every day that people like, really like these things that i write.

also not to take as an excuse to babble but i DO think there is something generally when writing a romantic fic where taking ur characters and sticking them somewhere outside their normal circumstances they're better able to get to those deeper feelings? like, being away from "reality" of rivalry or hate or what have you allows to like, tap into those big big emotions. this is why i love writing vacation scenes. i cannot be stopped.

anyway ty so much, what a nice start to the day, i hope you enjoy shane and matty!!!!! they're nice boys!!!!

[aqqleshiqqing-archive]

me rushing to your bed like that candance MOM HOLY FUCK meme with chicken soup bc mwa anyways let's get this bread 💬 with jaide stone and zinnia since women hating women is a thing 😔🤙 (might throw you more idk) also highly honored to have my ocs in your s/i list 🫡 those are my boys

i may not be drinking chicken soup but i have nice tea to warm my itchy throat ✨✨ thank you mwamwa also of COURSE i have to include some of your OCs especially clear. it's almost hard for me to imagine the story without maroon or clear in it 😭

okay. oh no. my switch has been flickered. you decided to ask ME about ZINNIA? aka the woman who completely altered ruby's childhood? while I understand her hatred towards steven and devon corp itself she's still got issues that im not EXCUSING MF 💥 women hate women still exists im afraid and jaide stone is nothing but a hater when this lady comes around 💥

okay so let's start in the R/S arc. the salamence event happens, ruby gets injured. sounds easy right? sure, but why did it even happen in the first place? nobody knew where the salamence came from - that's what jaide held the biggest contempt for.

"who in the world, was this sick and twisted to allow their dragon creature come to fight harmless children?"

she didn't have the answers yet, but the day would get even worse when she also learns that steven's devon corporation has gone through with an accident that had something to do with... releasing the sky legend. and it was because of a salamence as well. while I imagine steven refusing to disclose that specific detail about caging a beast down (corporation secrets, you know?) it's still easy to tell jaide that he's very upset, combined with him learning what happened to ruby too. it was not a great day for anyone, not even professor birch, I'm sure.

but from that day onward, jaide would do her best to find out the perpetrator that caused this trauma on the children, she's not just doing this for ruby, but for sapphire as well. she's had this same feeling as before, when gold gets in trouble for dealing with the evil scums of the g/s/c arc. she just knew that feeling too well, and didn't want it to happen again. her willpower to find out the truth keeps expanding as she's forced to watch the strained relationship between ruby and steven become stronger as time goes by - they rarely talk about that incident, but it's like a core memory to everyone involved there.

proceeding to the oras arcs, i can't really imagine jaide to be very involved from the get-go, but that would be until she would learn about the meteorite that would come to destroy all of hoenn - she's more or less of a supporting character. i would have to reread this again to give you a full answer on what she can do

but let's skip to the good part, when jaide does learn that zinnia was the one responsible for all this. i can't remember the sequence of events too well, but let's assume it all happened on this part where zinnia brings fourth the reformed magma and aqua team. (again i could be assuming the sequence of events wrong but yeah shh)

she has no idea who she is, but from the way she spoke so lowly about devon (a company that everyone loves) and having that intimidating salamence by her side - she couldn't help but assume maybe this could be the one. combined with jaide's smart sense of pokemon nature reading - she can only assume it was the aggressive salamence that fought without rhyme or reason from years ago + the same salamence also attacked steven's corporation.

i like to imagine jaide didn't say much as first, as she's not one to be so brash and act upon it quickly and allows zinnia to proudly monologue about her plans, slowly trying to understand what's going on. part of her plan includes stealing the keystones to win the favor of the sky beast, and who else had a keystone? steven stone.

sending out her goodra, it immobilzes steven with its goo and commands it to steal his stickpin - jaide panics but steven wanted her out of this. but just in the nick of time:

ruby comes in a clutch to stop the goodra from stealing his stickpin. distracted, jaide would try to lunge at zinnia and try to apprehend her and keep her in place - grabbing her wrists and looking at her dead in the eyes - quite the angry mother, huh? while she didn't understand the whole context of what's going on, she knew that zinnia was bad business and wanted her to talk it out. that's when jaide asks her to confirm her speculations

"your salamence, that was the same one from 9 years ago, wasn't it? it wrecked havoc in the corporation."

zinnia would snicker.

"of course! it was also thanks to a little boy that made it even more agitated, and it broke off the cages to set the sky legend free."

her suspicions would be correct, it was the same one that harmed her son 9 years ago. the events lined up exactly with the woman's words.

jaide... was furious. but, she can't just fight all of a sudden, it's not like her but the least she can do was to call upon her ursaring to keep zinnia pinned - I mean, she got the boss, right?

zinnia would snicker at steven again.

"you're married? it would seem you're not the most honest husband around."

jaide assumed she was just... trying to piss her off. but in reality, jaide was missing a few chunks of context that steven had regrettably hidden away from her.

ruby stopped his mother from being passive aggressive towards the perpetrator, and would give up his and emerald's keystone bracelets just to simply say that he "wants this to be over."

it wouldn't be long before zinnia sets out, thanking ruby for the keystones and flying out of the place. jaide was stunned, steven looked dejected again.

it would seem he still has to clear up a few things about what he and his father does for a living.

it's complicated to be a family and business man at the same time.

[kiisuuumii]

some introspection this morning abt a feeling from last night abt social interactions, letting ppl in, fear of everything coming to a sour end, and hope

up until this past february, i hadnt allowed a completely new person into my life, like really into my life, for quite a long while; the last person was an old coworker, who id met two years ago now. and ive always been the sort to struggle w social interactions and connections of all types, so when i made my first blog and decided to start posting poetry there, i had prepped myself mentally somewhat to interact w others (last time i put myself out onto the internet was in 2020 lol), but i dont think i was as emotionally ready as i shouldve been, to the point of letting my emotions get the better of me and hurting myself and others twice now since march

its safe to say that im scared, of letting ppl in, of my emotions taking over, of hurting someone else again. its safe to say that i dont trust myself to not let any of this happen again. and maybe its a control issue thing. i know that nobody's perfect, let alone me, and yet i find it difficult to extend the sort of grace id give to others, to myself.

so when someone reached out to me last night to tell me that theyre there if id like a friend (and hello friend if youre reading this sorry im making an example of you), it brought up the question of whether i felt i /could/ let someone new in. and ik that its not like i have to be vulnerable, spewing every little thing abt myself, right from the start, and ik that how connections progress varies from one to another. i think the question really becomes whether i trust myself to know how navigate new connections in ways that are not only true to myself, but also with my highest good in mind, and whether im willing to take the risk that someone's presence in my life wont last forever

thats another thing with me; when i grow fond of someone, i want them to always have a presence in my life to some degree, because i love them, and i want to not only be apart of their lives, but also them apart of mine. but thats not what happens every time; people come and go, thats just how it is, and i struggle horribly with letting go, even since i was a kid

but i dont want to let the fear of losing someone keep me from letting people into my life. i crave connection, i crave understanding. i cant have those things without letting someone in and letting them try, and letting myself try.

i want to live this life with as few regrets as i can. yet it seems like ive just been piling them up over the past four months. am i just going to regret letting other people in going forward, too?

theres only one real way to find out. and im terrified. genuinely terrified. bc im sick of hurting others. im sick of beating myself up. but you have to do the thing scared. you have to. or else you wont do it at all. you'll keep making excuses for yourself, saying you arent ready, but when will that be? are we ever truly ready for anything, let alone change?

you have to hope that the next time'll be different. statistically, its not impossible. you have to hope. how else can things change if you dont have hope that they will?

hope doesnt have to mean trusting yourself completely. it just has to mean believing in the small part of you that wants things to change to do what they can with what they have to bring about that change.

i'll always believe that so long as i have the hope that i can change, i'll be able to find whats the best decision for me, in whatever moment i find myself in. that, that hope will eventually usher in the change im striving for, someday, one way, or another.

[weightlessisthenewblack]

do u think u can give me tips on how to fast? i’m always w ppl so someone will point out if i haven’t eaten yet and it’s also hard to keep going sometimes. do u have tips on how to feel full or on what to tell ppl so they don’t worry?

I did not mean for this to get as long as it is, i like to talk im sorry 😅

I totally know how you feel! Fasting can be pretty hard for me too, especially because almost everyone in my life knows i have problems with food.

If you are just starting to fast i would start with small goals and work your way up. I started at about 14 hours, and then worked my way up to around 48. And remember sleeping at night counts! I like to start a fast later in the day so when i wake up the next morning i got a good chunk of hours done without even trying.

Distractions are also essential for me. I play a lot of videogames, and i picked up crocheting to keep my hands busy on down days when im just watching tv. Find things you like to do that keep your mind off it, and keeps your hands occupied so you dont feel the urge tor each for a snack or something. Reading, going for a walk, pick up a new hobby if you want! Theres loads to do to keep you distracted. Im making a sweater for my dad thats taking up a lot of my time :)

To curb hunger pangs, it can be hard to ignore for sure, my version of fasting isn't dry fasting or water fasting tho. I find those kinds incredibly difficult to do. I liquid fast with sugar free or zero calorie drinks. When im working i make sure to have a monster ultra zero sugar, and any combination of tea, water with a no calorie flavouring, or zero cal sodas, i like pepsi zero. Fizzy drinks can help trick the stomach into thinking its full because its bubbly. Drink lots of water too! The more water you drink the more full you feel. If you happen to like black coffee that works too, since its works as an appetite suppressant. It gets easier after the first night. Sometimes if its really bad I'll allow myself to chew some sugar free gum and that usually helps curb the hunger a bit too.

And of course if at any point you feel like you are going to pass out please PLEASE break your fast and eat something. Even a granola bar or something, to get your blood sugar levels up. The last thing you want is passing out from lack of food.

Excuses can be hard depending on your circumstances. I happen to work in food service so i often use the excuse i ate at work. If you are working or in school you can use the same excuse with people at home. And at work or school you can say you had a big breakfast at home or you are having a big dinner! If you aren't doing either, excuses can defs become even harder, but i find just saying im not really hungry at the moment tends to work fine w my boyfriend and family. Otherwise you can try:

Saying you feel a little nauseated and dont want to risk getting sick

You have a toothache

Your jaw is hurting for whatever reason

You are budgeting and cant afford to go out for food right now

Saying you want to try intermittent fasting for your health

If the people you are with are open minded for lack of a better word you could say your doing a x amount of days juice cleanse. My sister did one a while ago and everyone supported it, even though its essentially just liquid fasting for 3 days.

Or you could be straight up! Do a little research into the benefits of long term fasting! Then you can just say you are fasting for a while bc of all the good health benefits.

I hope this helps a little bit, and of course id prefer you to seek recovery options, but there are a lot of health benefits to fasting that i wholly support! And if you are going to fast id rather try to help you do it in a way that makes you feel accomplished for succeeding and in a healthy way. Take vitamins, and dont skip any medications you have. If they require to be taken with food then do that, dont put your health at risk taking medication without food :(

Stay safe love, and listen to your body 💕

[erikatsu]

✮ NEW YEARS APPRECIATION ✮

i just wanted to take some time and thank those who have been with my through the year. first off, i want to thank my followers, especially those that have been with me since my first blog (rip spookydraken u r so missed).

*cue the golden girls theme song* i would like to give special thanks to:

✮ @twdottore — cat, u have been through 1838384 shit shows with me and we are still rockin' n rollin' together. you are my rod, my platonic soulmate. i want to thank you for always encouraging my wild ideas and listening to me rant ab theories and world building. thank you for all the fanart you send me, and all the tiktoks. thank you for always indulging me in selfship ideas and comms. you're my best friend and ilym (i win). i am so so glad u rang in the new year w me last year, and that you're still with me this year. here's to more.

✮ @dxlucs — ur the bubblegum to my marceline. thank u for dealing with me 15 dms + 3 texts in a row, for being there for my biweekly existential crises, and for allowing my to info dump even if it takes you a minute to understand what im getting at. i'd be so stir crazy without u. im so happy we became friends and that we're as close as we are now. i rmr when i fangirled over u following back LMAO. ily and thank u for tolerating me /lh

✮ @myalbedo — bestie. u always know what to say to make someone laugh. ur one of the funniest people i know and you don't even try. thank you for all the cute stuff you send me, for letting me scream when the 'tism gets to be too much, and for threatening to beat people with ur cane for me /lh. im glad that we've gotten close too. stay hot bitch /lh.

✮ @hanmas — ur so unapologetically urself and you inspire me to do the same. i love all of our meta-talk, our 4 am chats, and u giving me excuses to sneak away from work to run a domain w u. i'm so happy we're ikea gfs. i'm gonna buy u the most expensive candy and the giant ikea bear. ily, pretteeist girl in the whole world.

✮ @mxnjiros — ik ur not active here as much, but i love when u come back and my notifications are flooded by you. ur so supportive of ur friends and it shows what a big heart you have. i'm very thankful that i can call u a friend.

✮ @sennsational — i adore u, y'know? ur so talented and creative and every time you drop a new event i'm mind blown. u r one of the sweetest people i have ever met, and here lately u've been that refreshing sip of water i didn't realize i needed. thank you for that, and thank you for being so genuine.

✮ @dilu3 — i never know what you're gonna say and i think that's exciting. you could have me sobbing over my faves or almost peeing in laughter. you're so funny and sweet and i'm glad that we've gotten closer. thank u for letting me scream ab stuff to u and giving me good laughs

✮ @suyacho — you're also another person who is so genuinely sweet. you match my energy and also encourage me to keep going even if it's hard sometimes. thank you snow, for our little talk and crying over itto with me

✮ @alhaithms — i had to include u even though we've only talked outside of asks like three times. but each time i was able to tell how kind you are and it was so easy for me to hold conversation with you, which im not the best at honestly :,) thank u for being so warmhearted and immediately making me feel safe coming to your blog. i hope that we become better friends in the future <3

✮ mutuals — for my more recent moots who i don't know all too well yet, thank you for giving me the opportunity to make your acquaintance and for future friendships. you are all so unbelievably talented and i admire you all so much. if we haven't talked, it's probably bc im too shy/nervous to approach but i will with some time. if we have talked, im super glad we're starting friendships.

i hope the new year is full of good things for all of you. please be kinder to yourselves, you're doing great.

[menalez]

Hi, I’m the “advice anon”, thank you for answering (oh my god that sounded like I am in a TV ad). Anyways, I explained the events here with another blog:

https://www.tumblr.com/letmywingsdown/732396002452078592/previous-anon-because-im-not-confident-enough

Again, thank you for, you know, letting me take your time haha <3

The thing is today I was arguing with my boyfriend. I’ll admit it was my fault because I initiated it for some very irrelevant dumb shit because I’ve been in a horrible mood lately. I knew I had to apologise once he began explaining to me how shitty it was, and I was about to but I couldn’t bring myself to actually say the words because I have a huge ego problem. So he smacked the left side of my face, my left cheek, because I just would remain stubborn and bitchy and not looking his way when he talked. It wasn’t harsh or violent and it didn’t hurt; just the wrist and upper side of the hand, quite quickly like when you have to tell off a kid. But it really caught me off guard and I stood there frozen. It feels like a boundary violation and when I brought up the subject to my mom (w/o saying it happened to me), she agreed. My bf started apologising right once I said how fucked up it was and I think it’s a genuine apology, but what am I supposed to do? I was getting on his nerves basically on purpose, and now I want to pretend I am the victim of the situation? But I was seriously just about to tell him I regretted making a fight up from thin air.. and stuff like that has happened twice before, once in my shoulder, the other one on my scalp. He continues apologising and I really want to forgive him because he is a lovely guy and the best thing that has ever happened to me, but how am I supposed to call myself a feminist and stuff when I am compliant once my boyfriend “beats” me? My father told me only the other day that women who stay in abusive relationships while knowing about the red flags are stupid. I disagree with him, but am I stupid? Or am I just thinking about this too much? I have childhood trauma, physical too, and I am unsure if I am overreacting because of being triggered rather than because it was objectively wrong to hit me.He seriously is a very nice guy and I have never felt as loved and I know his love is genuine, but this has left me unsettled and, as I said, it is not the first time. Even those two aforementioned events aside, there have been very off putting things in our relationship, like him watching porn and being into cnc (we never acted on them, just dirty talk); though I think the latter might have been my fault because I was the one mainly in it (again, trauma). This was years ago and our sexual life is very healthy now, and I know for a fact he despises porn as much as I do. So what should I do? He is the only person I have left because I am a lonely loser and our connection is so sincere but at the same time I don’t feel ensured that he would never ever harm me. Is it my trauma induced paranoia, or my intuition?

anon, no this is not at all ok. leave. please just leave. you might feel loved and he might have some good sides but there is literally no excuse for hitting you and he's clearly slowly escalating it further and further. abusers often slowly start pushing the boundaries of their partners and i fear that is what he's doing here. and him being into cnc is absolutely a red flag! ur making a lot of excuses for him which is normal, i did the same with my ex and it allowed her to take advantage of me and abuse me until she had all that she wanted from me. its not worth it. abusers like this often have a 'nice' side and will lovebomb you and have phases where they treat you well.. it's ultimately not worth it, at all. i know it's easier said than done, but just bc you haven't had better yet doesn't mean you never will, don't settle for him just because you want to be loved and because you think you can't get better: you can and its not worth it! take it from someone who DIDN'T leave, it's not worth it. you just feel used up and like you betrayed yourself for nothing in the end.