#i feel like people had enough pressure after twitter

[pageofheartdj]

eugh am i the only one who gets a bit... iffy with this weird guiltrip??

‘reblog the post or else you are the WORST! what is this, a like??? you are literally spitting in OP’s face!’

like i GET it reblogs are suuuper important, but you won’t get people to do it by making them feel bad about themselves. tell why it’s good, don’t tell who they are if they don’t want to do it for whatever reason.

it’s their blog and they shouldn’t feel pressured to make it the way others want them to.

it’s cool to tell them how tumblr works, how people are here. without ordering them how to behave though.

[hannieehaee]

NO SONG WITHOUT YOU

18+ / mdi

summary: with zero experience or interest in the romantic aspect of his life, jihoon finds himself in an unexpected situation when his company decides on a collab between the two of you, not expecting the work-addicted producer to develop a bit of a crush on you.

content: idol!jihoon x idol!reader, afab reader, pining, jihoon's emotionally constipated, jihoon's pov, kinda inexperienced jihoon, smut, dry humping, oral (m receiving), penetrative sex, etc.

wc: 12.6k

a/n: this is probably my fave fic i've written so far!! love writing for jihoon aaaa anyways i hope u guys enjoy <3

masterlist

Jihoon was tired.

Beyond tired, actually. He couldn't remember the last time he'd left his studio at a reasonable time. He knew people on twitter made jokes about him being a bit of a hermit, with fans being able to spot his studio from outside the building, lights always on and indicating the producer was still inside.

He didn't have much of a valid excuse for this, other than being a 'workaholic', or at least that's the term Joshua had recently introduced him to, describing him as the prime example. Jihoon just couldn't help himself. He'd been like this ever since he could remember. If he had an idea, he had to work on it. And unfortunately for him, he was always full of new ideas. If Seventeen was releasing an album, that meant Jihoon already had enough material to fill up the next three albums backed up in a file somewhere in his computer.

Despite always having music prepared months in advance, - even having solo music up for grabs for whichever member desired it - he still found himself constantly working. It's not like anyone demanded this out of him either. It was quite the opposite, actually. From staff, to other producers, to members and even family, everyone always insisted that he took a break, maybe leave producing aside for a month or two. This was inconceivable to him, it was something that was simply out of his comfort zone.

The truth was, Jihoon felt lost. Any time he strayed away from work in some way or other, he didn't know what to do with himself. He felt like a failure in many other aspects of his life. Granted, he was a successful idol and producer, talented in every area necessary in his field, but past that, what did he really have to offer? He'd been stuck in a rut for a few years now. He had his members, his family, maybe some staff, but his social life didn't go much past that. He didn't have many hobbies outside of work either. Sure, he was avid when exercising, even being an overachiever in that area, but that was also kind of part of his job. He knew he needed to step out of his comfort zone at some point and live his life, but he kept making excuses for himself. He was 26 now, and was, quite frankly, beginning to lose hope in certain areas of his life due to his career, - although blaming his career was just an excuse, really - the romantic aspect of his life being one of them.

Jihoon had some experience, okay? It wasn't like he'd never liked a girl before. He'd had a few crushes in elementary, maybe even some up until high school. He'd kissed one of the female trainees back when Pledis was a smaller company (okay, it might've been on a dare, but to Jihoon it counted). A few years after debuting he'd even gone on a few dates with a former staff member from his company. He'd lost his virginity to that same girl, kind of rushing into it due to feeling pressured to just get it over with - something he didn't exactly regret, but wished had been more of a memorable moment. The point was, Jihoon had had a few romantic experiences in his past 26 years on this earth. But, he hadn't ever even gotten close to find that one great love he'd hoped he one day would. For someone who received constant accolades for his lyricism, he was never really able to relate to his own music. He'd never been heartbroken, never had an insane need for someone, never felt romantic love, never been in the throes of passion with a beautiful girl, even. It was all his imagination. His lyrics, that is. And maybe the rest, if he was being honest. He'd dreamt about it lately; the perfect girl who he'd find and sweep off her feet. But that was all it was, a dream.

So, Jihoon was tired. Tired of hauling himself up in his studio to make himself feel something. But that was where he now found himself; stuck and in a rut, hoping for something more.

He was once again in his studio, working on god knows what at this point. He had just finished a quick welive with carats, feeling like he'd accomplished his quota of socialization for the day (I mean, even if it was a one-way conversation, it still counted, right?) and decided to get to work on one of the many unfinished drafts in his hard drive. This was kind of routine by now. He would either get a quick meal with one of the members during their break from rehearsals, or would go back to his studio for a bit to work on music. This would've been fine and dandy if it wasn't for the fact that Jihoon would eventually have ended up right back at his stuido either way. It was the illusion of choice, truly.

He spent a few hours in there, messing around with his guitar and even working on some guides for the members to follow next time they had some time to stop by the Universe Factory. Today felt like a productive day for Jihoon. Granted, he did this literally every single day, but he hadn't felt stuck at any point today. Maybe he was on a lucky streak. He decided to cut the day short there, not wanting to ruin what had been arguably an uninterrupted day of working on music. However, his separation from his studio did not last long, as he received a call from his manager just as he was locking the door behind him. He picked up without much thought.

"What's up?"

"Hey? Jihoon-ah, are you still in the studio by any chance?", Jihoon almost vocalized his amusement at the question. Where else would he be?

"I was just locking up, but yeah, I'm here."

"Good! Stay right there! Gonna head up to talk to you for a bit," and with that he hung up, not leaving Jihoon any chance to respond.

Jihoon and his manager were quite close. This was the case with most idols and their managers, having to spend so much time together. Still, Jihoon found the interaction to be a bit odd. Usually his manager would be one of the many people to insist that Jihoon get his ass out of his studio every once in a while. He didn't mind his request, though, so he quickly reopened the door and sat himself back down on his chair, deciding to mess with a few things as he waited for his manager's arrival.

It took his manager about ten minutes to arrive, Hybe was quite a big building, after all. He knocked on his door, not knowing the access code to Jihoon's studio. The only people who knew his key code were Jihoon himself, and Soonyoung (who had learned it without Jihoon's knowledge, but he was too lazy to change it by now). He got up to open the door, simply expecting another one of his manager's short overviews of Jihoon's schedule for the week, which might've been correct, except that when he opened the door he was met with his manager accompanied by an unfamiliar face.

It was you. Jihoon didn't know exactly who you were, but you carried a familiar air to you. He hadn't really been interacting with many people as of late, so maybe you were just someone he'd seen in passing, he wasn't too sure. You and his manager walked in upon Jihoon's gesture to please come in, moving aside as to not be in your way. He closed the door behind you, accidentally closing the distance between the two of you for a second and becoming a bit flustered at the proximity. He wasn't sure why his manager would bring someone unknown into his studio, but if Jihoon was anything, he was a relaxed guy (or at least he tried to seem like it), so he just sat back down without making any questions, his manager would probably fill him in any moment now anyways.

"Okay, so this is Y/N! You've probably met before, right?"

Uh, not right. And now a little awkward. Was he supposed to lie?

"Oh! No, we haven't, actually. I know a few of his members, though, but this is our first time officially meeting," you spoke up for the first time. So you were friends with his members? That might be how he knew you. That didn't really narrow it down much, though. There were 12 of them, and Seungkwan alone was friends with practically the entire industry.

"Oh? My bad. Well, then I should introduce you, right? Jihoon, this is Y/N! Her group was just recently acquired by Hybe. They moved into the building just over a month ago, if I'm not mistaken," He turned to you as you nodded in affirmation before proceeding, "Y/N, this is Jihoon, producer and partial leader of Seventeen."

He wasn't too sure why he was introducing the two of you. If he got personally introduced to every group Hybe acquired in the past year, he'd probably be here all day. He'd stopped keeping track of who and which groups were now roaming the hallways, being too many for him to count. He wasn't complaining or anything, he was just confused as to why go out of his way.

"Woozi-nim. It's so nice to meet you! I've always been such a huge fan. Your work is .. it's insane. I've looked forward to meeting you for so long," the enthusiasm with which you said this made his lip quirk up a little. Sure, he received accolades on his work every day, but knowing that fellow juniors of his looked up to him always brought a smile to his face, although it still made him a little sheepish at receiving such a forward compliment.

"Oh, I- Thank you. And you can call me Jihoon. It's nice to meet you, too," he smiled shyly at you, not really knowing what to say past that. He felt a bit shy looking at you for some reason, as if he couldn't hold eye contact for too long or he'd burn.

He looked expectantly over at his manager, the instigator of this interaction.

"Oh! Right. Well, as I just said, Y/N's group just moved into the company. And the company's been pushing for some collaborations as of late, you know, in order to maximize all groups within Hybe all at once," Jihoon could kind of see where his manager was going with this, "So, I've brought Y/N along with me since you two will be working together for a feature."

Hold on. Rewind.

"Us? As in just us two?"

"Yeah. Hybe is dividing you guys into subdivisions. Mingyu will be collaborating with someone in BTS a few months from now, and Chan will be with Yeonjun from TXT. I think Seokmin is scheduled with a member of Lesserafim. Not too sure yet, but you're up first. I sent you an email about it a few days ago with the general idea. Did you not get it?"

Oh, right. Jihoon was always quite diligent about his work, but his work mostly entailed Seventeen only. Checking his email wasn't much of a habit of his when he could just call up the few producers that worked for Seventeen whenever he needed to. Collaborations and producer work for other people were not that common to him, so for the most part he would disregard anything that didn't entail his own group.

"Oh, I, uh. No, sorry," he felt slightly bad at having disregarded the person standing in front of him, specially when you had regarded him such such respect. He was giving off a terrible first impression.

"That's fine. Now you know. Well, just wanted to take advantage that you were here today - Hah, well, when aren't you here?", chuckled his manager before continuing, "Just wanted to introduce you just in case. Check the email I sent you when you can, I'll send you over more details of your schedule related to the feature first thing tomorrow, yeah? Y/N here is the main producer for her group too, so you'll be co-producing."

You produced? He didn't mean to sound like an asshole, but there were just so many groups who didn't make their own music. He could sometimes get a bit of an ego over knowing he was an anomaly in his industry, always having taken pivotal part in a good 90% of his group's discography. Still, he wasn't too happy about the concept of having to share the creative process with a producer he had never heard of, if he was quite honest. For the most part he would only work with Bumzu and a few other Hybe producers here and there. He didn't even know your group or the music you were credited for. Hell, he had only found out about this project two minutes ago, having had no voice in the matter. One of the down sides of joining such a huge company that fathered way too many groups at once, he guessed.

He decided to not show his slight discomfort towards the idea, simply offering a polite response before bidding his goodbyes to the two of you. You had stayed behind for a few extra seconds after his manager exited the room, once more voicing your admiration for Jihoon and letting him know you were looking forward to working together. Jihoon had to admit that your praise did something to him. He didn't mean to sound like a total loser when he said this, but he did not interact with girls too much. So receiving such direct praise on his music from a pretty girl who also happened to share a passion with him had his ears turning red. He quickly shook his head at the thought, deciding to just stay at the studio overnight once more and maybe finally go over the email his manager had sent him.

He had to admit, he was quite impressed. Shortly after your arrival he had decided to research you and your group. You were quite well known by then, having debuted the same year as Seventeen and now being one of the top girl groups in the game. Just like Jihoon, you were from a small company and had climbed your way up, eventually being acquired by Hybe just a few months prior. Your stories were quite similar, if he really thought about it. You had also taught yourself how to produce before debuting, taking on the official role of main producer upon making your debut.

He had found out an embarrassing amount of information about you very quickly. He couldn't help himself. He was immediately intrigued by you, even going as far as looking at online forums about you; places that would detail information about you that only a true fanatic would know. He was now privy to trivial information such as your birth year (one year after his), your favorite color (pink), how many moles you had (seven, total), when you joined your company (exactly two months before he joined pledis), your most popular fancam (the one were you wore that pretty purple top), and just general information he'd be embarrassed to relay he now had memorized. He could call himself a bit ... infatuated. He felt beyond creepy, despite all this being public information. He had just met you, why had he just spent the past three hours binging content about you?

Jihoon decided to shrug these thoughts away, instead opting to mentally prepare himself for tomorrow morning, which was apparently the first day in which you'd be meeting to talk over your future schedules together for the next month or so. He had finally checked the multiple emails his manager had sent him about the collaboration, realizing that he'd now have to spend most of his non-Seventeen allocated time with you.

From photoshoots for promo, to the actual producing of the song, the empty slots in his schedules seemed to have filled up on their own, now being occupied by your company, and much to his surprise, he was not annoyed at this sudden intrusion. He felt a weird feeling in his stomach, but it wasn't like the usual nerves he felt before going on an important stage, nor the grumbling he felt whenever he met an idol of his. He felt ... giddy? He was looking forward to it. He felt nervous to see you again, which was really strange considering that he felt completely normal upon meeting you just now. Yeah, you were very pretty (he had eyes, this was just a fact he couldn't deny), but he hadn't had much of a reaction to it. However, now, as he looked at pictures of you on his computer, he couldn't imagine holding eye contact again. He was going mad.

Tomorrow arrived sooner than he thought. Now he was now sitting in his studio, awaiting your arrival. He had impulsively tidied up the place, now embarrassed that you'd seen it a mess the day prior. He also tidied himself up. As he recalled, you were wearing a pretty dress yesterday, so he felt bad you'd caught him in sweats and a three-day-old shirt. He wasn't sure why he wanted to impress you, but he did. Jihoon had the hope of at least befriending you, now having formed some type of interest towards you.

His thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door, making his heart accelerate at the thought of who was on the other side of it. Upon unlocking it, he found you on the other side, smile on your face as you carried in some bowls of .. his favorite meal? into his studio.

"Hi, Woozi-nim! I brought you food, is that's okay? I asked Seungkwan what you liked," oh, so it was Kwannie you were friends with. That made sense. It was touching that you'd gone out of your way to get him something you knew he'd like. Now he felt bad at being empty handed in his own studio.

"Oh, I- Thank you. You didn't have to do that."

"It's no problem! Wanted to thank you for doing this. I know you don't do collaborations that often. Felt kinda bad about imposing," by now the two of you had sat down in front of his desk, chairs slightly too close for comfort as you unwrapped the food in the bags you'd brought in.

"You-you're not. Sorry if I made it seem that way yesterday, hah, I was just caught off guard."

Jesus Christ, he felt so awkward. Your close proximity had him at a loss. He didn't know where to look or what to say. Your perfume was also not helping matters. The pretty scent had him extremely distracted, his mind suddenly being flooded with the thought that, shit, everything about you was pretty. What was wrong with him? Was this his first time interacting with a woman? He had never felt more out of place, except that despite any improper feelings he felt, he still wanted to be in your vicinity.

"-Woozi-nim?"

Shit, had you been talking this whole time?

"Oh, I'm sorry. What were you saying?"

You chuckled at him, clearly not taking offense to his distracted nature, "I was just asking if you had any drafts you wanted to use as a baseline? Or we could use one of my unused drafts? It's whatever you prefer, really. I'd love to work with something of yours, though. I love your style, it's so ... hah, I don't know. It's just so you."

Jihoon thanked god he had not cut his hair as some carats had begged, because now the length allowed him to cover the red of his ears. A single compliment from you had him heating up, clammy hands getting even clammier at the thought of you using his talent as a compliment. If you wanted to use his music, there was just no way for him to deny you. He wanted to hear more of your praise to him.

"Y-yeah? I have uh, a few that I could show you. They're just drafts, but you know."

You visibly perked up at this, scooting even closer to him as he began to fiddle with his computer, opening up some files to show you. Your excitement at his work had him swooning internally. The amount of interest you'd been showing since meeting yesterday was already getting the better of him.

"Woozi-nim, holy shit. These are hundreds of files. Are these all unfinished?"

"Uh, yeah. I uh, tend to have a few drafts saved for future projects."

"I get that. Me too, but these have to be over 300 unfinished songs," you were in clear shock (perhaps admiration?) of the endless tracks in front of you. Jihoon wasn't sure if he should feel ashamed at having so much unfinished work (which made bit feel like a bit of a loser), or be proud since you seemed to be impressed at the vast number.

"I like to be prepared. You know, just in case."

"It's .. wow. I knew you were good, but this is insane, Woozi-nim."

"I, you can call me Jihoon," he didn't really care much for the distinction between Woozi and Jihoon at this point; he was pretty used to both. But a part of him just wanted to hear you call him by his real name; the one only those close to him really used. He also wanted an out from the conversation, feeling too flustered at your compliments.

You chuckled, nodding at him, "Okay, Jihoon. Sorry, didn't really know what name to go for at first."

"No, it-it's fine. I'm only a year older. You can speak comfortably."

The rest of the conversation was filled with technicalities about the collaboration. Now that you two had established a, let's say, closer acquaintance, you were able to discuss your ideas more comfortably. Jihoon still had to put up with the endless compliments about his work as you two went through possible tracks for the song, but he tried his best to take them like a champ, simply chuckling shyly and shrugging them off. Your genuine admiration for his skill had him reeling inside, enamored with the tone of your voice any time you'd express excitement at hearing exclusive Universe Factory content. He hadn't felt butterflies in his stomach like this in, well, ever. He felt like he was a high school student with a silly crush.

The disappointment in his face as you parted ways must've been clear (which made him embarrassed beyond belief), as you pulled out your phone and asked him to put his contact in, letting him know you'd be seeing him soon. The possession of your contact info made him excited. He knew it was probably just for work purposes, but he held a stupid hope in the back of his head that you'd given it to him because you had interest in meeting again soon.

And you did see each other soon, consistently meeting in order to work on the song. A few of the times you were joined by Bumzu (who was also helping out with the song), or Soonyoung (who was just a nosy bastard who wouldn't leave Jihoon's studio), which made him curse out his two friends, wanting you all to himself. His crush had developed quickly after that second meeting. You were now all he thought about. Every morning when he got ready to start his day, he wondered which shirt you'd like him best in. Would you like if he trimmed his hair or did you like it long? What did you like in guys? (Except had already gone on incognito mode on his phone to search your ideal type, growing instantly embarrassed and exiting out of the tab). He thought of you as he exercised, wondering if you'd like his muscles and physique. His entire existence was surrounded by thoughts of you. And he hoped maybe he was also in your mind.

The first time he saw you outside his studio walls was at the Hybe gym as he worked out with Mingyu, Soonyoung and Joshua. He almost lost hold on the dumbbells in his hands upon spotting you, tight leggings and cropped shirt adorning your body. He had seen you in less clothing before (Only ever through a screen, in all the pretty concept photos your group had done, or in the occasional fancam he'd come across), but seeing your silhouette in the flesh had all thoughts leaving his mind. He felt ashamed at his way of thinking. He didn't want to objectify you like that, but the thoughts of your beauty had not left his mind for two weeks now, since the day he first met you.

But his eyes couldn't be helped, glued to your form as you walked into the place, paying extra attention to the parts that stood out most for him. He was like a depraved monster, his breath getting ragged as he watched you move around, licking his lips and sighing at every small movement you made. God, what was happening to him? Why was he so immediately aroused? Luckily, his thoughts were quickly interrupted by a cough from a very annoying Kim Mingyu, who had just been spotting him before his abrupt stop.

"Hyung .. You're too obvious."

"Wha-what are you talking about?", he did not like the smirk attached to Mingyu's face, nor the matching mocking smile in Soonyoung and Joshua's.

"You should see him when she's sitting in his studio. It's sad to watch," snickered the fellow 96-liner.

"Oh? She's the girl? Damn, hyung. She's really pretty."

"It's not- there's no girl. We're just working together," his feelings were already complicated enough, he didn't need the involvement of his members' teasing.

"C'mon, Hyung! It's okay if you like her. She's pretty, she's an idol-producer. She's perfect for you. I think you should go for it," encouraged Mingyu, in his optimistic Mingyu-fashion.

"Yeah, I mean. You were just about to cum in your pants at just seeing her in some leggings. I don't think you have anything to lose if you're already at the point of public indecency."

Yeah, this was exactly why he wanted to keep them as far away as possible.

"Soonyoung, I swear to g-"

"Jihoon? Oh my god, hi! I didn't realize you were here," it was you, now at a closer proximity and a slight sheen of sweat attached to your skin. Had Jihoon not been snapped out of his trance earlier, he probably would've been salivating by now.

"Oh. Hi Y/N. How are you?", he felt like he was being scrutinized for his every word and move by his members, which made him feel extremely awkward (more than usual).

"Good! I didn't know you used the company gym. I'd never seen you here before. You should've told me. We could've come together," you smiled before turning to his friends, "Hi! I'm Y/N, it's nice to meet you!"

Soonyoung made a show of stretching his hand out to you, bowing way too low for such a casual setting (probably just to peeve Jihoon). He was followed by Joshua, who held onto your hand in a way that had Jihoon fuming to himself.

"Hello, Y/N. I think we might've met before. You're Kwannie's friend, right?"

"Oh, right! Yeah, I've been to your guys' practice room before, but Jihoon didn't recognize me when we first met, so I wanted to re-introduce myself just in case," you giggled in Jihoon's direction.

"Don't mind him. That's just Jihoon. He's too distracted for his own good. I'm Kim Mingyu, by the way," the youngest shot you a flirtatious smile.

He needed all of them to keep the flirting as toned down as humanly possible. Although jealousy was not an emotion he felt often, the thought of his best friends even looking at you had his ears turning red in anger. But in very expected fashion, they all continued to take turns flirting with you for the next twenty minutes, completely shrugging off any intention of working out they might've had before having spotted you. Luckily (and surprisingly) for him, you were not reciprocating the flirting, nor where your eyes ever off of Jihoon for too long, always including him in your responses to his members one way or another.

You were somehow immune to the charms of Kwon Soonyoung, which, yeah, Jihoon didn't blame you for. You were also unaffected by Jisoo, which was a little more rare from Jihoon's experience. What shocked him most, though, was that your eyes still stayed on him even while one Kim Mingyu blatantly flirted with you. He'd known one too many girls who had fallen victim to his flirting (whether it be intentional or not), and to see you fully shrug him off in favor of looking to Jihoon instead had his heart going at an inhuman speed.

The interaction ended not too much time later, leaving Jihoon's ears red, but now from embarrassment at his friends slyly suggesting his interest at you multiple times throughout the conversation. Despite them being subtle about it, he was still mortified, specially when by the end of it, they'd pushed him to walk you back to your practice room while they wandered off on their own.

"I'm so sorry about them. They can be a bit much."

"It's fine, Jihoon. Don't worry about it. They were really fun. I can see how you're all so close."

"Ah, yeah. You know how it is .. Uh, sorry they kept hitting on you like that,"

he knew he was a bit of an idiot for bringing it up, but he wanted to gauge your feelings on it. He needed to know if he at least held a chance against his members or if you'd just been being nice by not reciprocating in front of him.

You chuckled as you responded, "I know they weren't being serious about it, Jihoon. Don't sweat it. It's not them I'm interested in anyways."

Oh, great. That was good to hear .. Wait. What?

"W-What?l"

"Oh. We're here. This is my group's practice room. Sorry I made you walk all the way here, I know your practice room is like five floors up," you apologized sheepishly, completely disregarding what you'd just said.

"I-it's fine. I'll see you on Thursday, then?"

"Thursday? We have a shoot tomorrow, Jihoon. Remember? We need a jacket shoot for the collab. It was on the schedule."

Oh, fuck. He had completely blanked on that. You guys were almost done recording the finishing touches to the song, but he forgot you guys also needed to do the shoot for the promo and learn the choreo as soon as you gave the choreographers the finalized version for the single. There was still so much to be done, which only meant even more time spent with you.

"Yeah, right. Sorry, hah, completely spaced out on that. I'll see you tomo-"

"Come pick me up?"

"Huh?"

"I mean, stop by my practice room so we can walk together? Is that okay?"

Did you- did you want to spend even more time with him? He wasn't complaining. He wanted all his time to be consumed by you, but .. was the feeling mutual?

"Yes," he paused, realizing his answer had been too short and mechanical, "I mean, yeah, sure, I don't mind. I'll see you here tomorrow morning."

You giggled at him before bidding your goodbye once more, but this time offering him a quick side hug before disappearing through the door to your practice room. Jihoon was glad you were gone, because this time it wasn't just his ears that were red, but his whole face had begun to resemble a tomato.

It was time to admit to himself that he was down bad tremendously for you.

Jihoon had not at any moment stopped to wonder what type of vibe the collaboration was meant to follow. Yeah, he was working on the song (which was almost finalized by now), so he knew it was pretty much a pop-rock-ish vibe that they were going for, but he didn't know what the rest of the equation would look like, which was something he wished he'd prepared a bit better for.

He had walked you over this morning, even being enticed by Seungkwan into bringing you your favorite drink as a nice gesture (which worked perfectly, as it won him over yet another side hug). The two of you arrived to the designated area for photoshoots located in one of the lower floors of the Hybe building, then went your separate ways to head over to hair and makeup in order to get your outfits situated. He had to admit he liked his outfit. It was a little more provocative than usual, with it being mostly black leather and the top being unbuttoned enough to show off most of his abdomen. It was your outfit, however, that had him reeling.

Nothing could have prepared him for the moment he stepped out and spotted you doing a few solo shots in preparation, your outfit and makeup already perfectly in place. He had no words to express how he felt upon seeing you. You looked so ... gorgeous. Unsure of how to react at the sight in front of him, he stood there staring, almost as if he'd seen an apparition. It wasn't until one of the photographers called him over that he managed to regain sense of self and join you.

The entirety of the photoshoot was absolute hell for Jihoon. This was the closest he'd ever been to you (sans the now two quick side hugs you'd given him in the past day). The shoot was a bit .. sensual in nature. The first set of outfits were edgier, so the shoot was the basic scenario you'd picture for a punk-rock pictorial. The second set of outfits had been the issue, because they went in the complete opposite direction. You were in a beaten down motel room setting, wearing very simple outfits, although they were both very skimpy and thin, almost as if to signify the simplicity of the concept. You two posed together on the bed, with your poses getting more and more intimate by the minute. At some point he had been directed to embrace you as he looked into your lips, with the proximity being way too close for comfort (or at least that's what he tried to tell himself). At another point he was kneeling on the bed as he looked up at you, your eyes simulating lust as you looked down on him, hand on his chin, lifting his gaze to yours.

The shoot had been an experience, to say the least. Jihoon wasn't sure how he survived it without breaking. He thanked the gods for the years of preparation with all types of shoots he'd done with the members over the years. However, completion of the shoot did not mean he was unaffected. He had no idea how he'd get the image of your lips so close to his out of his mind. Despite knowing it'd all been professional and strictly fake, he could've sworn he felt something every time your eyes would meet when at such a close distance. He wanted it to be real so badly, but once again he chalked it up to being wishful thinking. At least the worst of it was over, and he could now get back to sitting next to you in his studio at a respectable distance.

~

Jihoon had been an idiot to ever believe that the shoot had been the worst of it.

It had now been a week since the dreaded photoshoot (The one that had him up at night imagining what it would've been like if he had just closed the gap between your lips, damning anyone else in the room), and now it had been a few days since the song had finally been completed. He had thoroughly enjoyed co-producing with you, geeking at your ability to compliment each other perfectly. Your voice was yet another thing he had fallen in love with during the process, fully enamored by every single take you did. It had actually slowed down the process, as Jihoon green-lit every single one of your takes due to the rose-colored glasses that prevented him from catching mistakes you swore you'd committed during a few of the takes. You seemed to be similar, however, as you continued to shower him in compliments (even at the shoot, where you had complimented him with his hard work at the gym - a moment he chose to disregard or else he would've lost his mind at the implications), refusing to admit any faults of his while recording.

Now, however, he found himself in very difficult and unchartered waters. Any other time in which he'd produced a song, he'd never been involved further than that. He'd done duo shoots before, with women at that, but what he'd never done was share a choreography with someone who wasn't a member of Seventeen. He had danced with women before, of course, even having participated in more sensual dances, but this felt different. All previous times had been with nameless backup dancers he had never known too well. This was you. He now had to work through an entire choreo with you as the two of you danced around each other (physically and figuratively, he believed).

Most of the song involved a very casual choreo, as the two of you danced mostly separately but complimented one another. The kicker was the bridge of the song, where the melody mellowed out a bit and allowed for a quick dance break of sorts. It was very sensual in nature, and required you and Jihoon to tangle against each other as you used the other's body to complete the dance. Going over it had been full of shy smiles and eyes that couldn't seem to meet. It almost made him believe that you'd felt just as flustered as he did. When you actually began to dance over that part, however, you left Jihoon's mouth watering at how easy it was for you to meld your body to his; how you would guide his shy hands to place them in all the correct places. The feeling of your body against his was new and unfamiliar, but it felt so right to him. He wanted nothing more than to leave his mark on your skin, signaling that he was the only one meant to touch there. He was truly going mad.

It had now been about two months since Jihoon had first met you. The song hadn't been released yet, but most preparations for it had been done. All that was left was a quick music video shoot plus a few music show appearances that would come after the actual release of the song. Thus far, the song had been announced, with a pending release date of a month from now. Jihoon had enjoyed public reaction to the unexpected collab, with people even going as far as calling you a dynamic duo due to your respective reputations as the main producers of your groups.

You seemed to also enjoy knowing the news had finally broken to the public, even going as far as mentioning Jihoon in some of your lives. He specifically recalled a moment he'd seen as he watched it live, one that had him blushing and kicking his feet. You'd been asked about what it was like working with Jihoon, to which you responded with a whole paragraph of compliments directed at his work ethic, along with a short quip about how cute you found Jihoon to be, deeming it 'difficult to focus with him around.' He felt like he was on cloud nine at the comment, despite how lightheartedly you had delivered it.

After that (and a few more instances of you shooting compliments his way), he had decided he wanted to see you outside of a work-related schedule. He had begun making excuses to find himself on your group's floor, going as far as using Seungkwan and Soonyoung (who you'd unfortunately befriended due to his constant unwanted presence as you two worked on your song) as pawns in order to not be as obvious whenever he went to see you. Despite your usually outgoing demeanor, you seemed a bit more reserved whenever it was only you and Jihoon. He wondered if it was because of his quiet demeanor, or because you might've maybe returned his feelings and felt too shy to be too expressive around your crush - he knew damn well that was his case, at least.

Today the two of you were working out together at the gym - a huge feat for Jihoon, who could not help but ogle at you whenever you weren't paying attention - with him playing the role of your spotter. He had extensive knowledge of weightlifting, which he had been proud to impress you with. Right now, you were working on your arms, which required Jihoon at a close proximity in order to make sure you didn't get hurt. He enjoyed this way more than he could admit to anyone or himself.

"Is this okay? Is this the right position to do it?", you questioned as you made eye contact with him through the mirror. Your arms were lifted above your shoulders, with dumbbells on each of them as you attempted to lift them both at once.

"Yeah. That's perfect. Is it too heavy? Do you need to stop?"

"No, I'm fine, Ji, I promise. Just stand a little closer, yeah? I don't wanna drop them. And put your arms under mine?", he followed your instructions, now towering over you from behind as you sat in front of him.

The two of you had grown more comfortable in the past two weeks or so, seeing each other almost every day while outside of official schedules. He'd learned that, unlike him, you didn't have any issues with personal space, often allowing him to stand too close for comfort. He couldn't complain, though, as he was always too hypnotized by the proximity.

"Shit!", you yelped, almost dropping the dumbbell before Jihoon managed to intercept it. You had begun to do a set before the one minute mark passed, deeming you too weak to lift the dumbbell all the way up. Luckily, you had instructed Jihoon to stand close to you in order to prevent any actual damage.

"Are you okay?", he asked as he placed the dumbbells on the ground, rounding the seat in order to stand in front of your sitting form.

It was mind-numbing, really. The angle in which he was looking down at you, with your pretty eyes looking back at him with a semi-worried expression on your face at the shock of almost dropping such a heavy weight on yourself. The incident left his mind immediately at the sight of you, a layer of sweat covering your skin as you panted while looking up at him. He pulled you up by your arms, helping you stand in front of him. In very cliche fashion, you tripped a bit, almost landing on him before he caught you by your forearms. The classic 'falling-atop-your-crush' trope did not happen, but he still ended up at even a closer proximity to you. Just when he had finally begun to forget the sight of your lips right in front of his from back when you did the jacket shoot together.

He did not move back, and neither did you, allowing the small distance between you to fog both of your minds.

"T-thanks, Hoonie. Could've really hurt myself," this was the first time he'd ever heard a stutter out of you, with your eyes not looking into his as they usually did. Your closeness still not diminishing even when the danger of the situation had already dissipated.

"'Course. Uh, I .. Maybe we should go back to a lighter weight?"

It took you a moment to respond, eventually choosing to look back at him with your pretty eyes, a seemingly empty head to match. He liked the look on you. He could've sworn he saw your eyes lower to his lips, but his mind was too clouded to confirm.

"Uh, actually, I think im done for the day. Is that okay? I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?"

"Oh, right. Yeah. I'll meet you in front of your practice room?", he was confused at your sudden departure, dreading the separation, but he figured one of you would have to break the spell eventually.

"Yeah. See you there, Hoonie. I'll text you later, okay?", you gave him a quick peck on his cheek before turning to the exit, leaving behind a beet-red Jihoon as he tried to get his heartbeat to slow to a healthy rhythm.

He was left standing there, in the cold and empty company gym as he pondered as to whether or not his feelings may be mutual.

~

The next day the two of you met again, no mention of yesterday at all. What would there be to mention anyways? That you two stood close to each other? Jihoon felt like such a loser even having considered it anything. He was just inexperienced at this, and very much touch starved, so any small suggestive interaction had him overthinking. Like right now, as you hooked your arm on his to walk along the Hybe building together, not a care in the world about anyone who would see you.

"Did you see the outline for the music video?", you spoke up once the two of you had reached the cafeteria, picking a secluded table to sit at - not that many people wandered there anyway.

"Hmm. No, what is it?", he still hadn't managed to beat the habit of not checking his emails.

You giggled, seeming a little flustered, "Uh, we're playing a couple. Very Bonnie and Clyde but with a grudge twist. Seems pretty cool, actually."

"Oh. We-we're playing a couple?"

"Yeah. I think we can pull it off. You did really good at the shoot. Did you see the finished product? Okay, never mind. I know you didn't. They look really good, though. We look very convincing."

He knew you didn't mean anything by it, but you constantly had him wondering. If you liked him you wouldn't be this direct, right? This must've all been very lighthearted to you. Sure, you were friends, but that's where it all ended for you. Jihoon was the complete opposite. Every single interaction you had had him falling deeper and deeper into a hole of infatuation for you. There was nothing about you he wasn't obsessed with. It had begun to manifest in all areas of his life, even his work. He had never had more unfinished love songs in his hard drive.

Unbeknownst to you, he had purposely avoided taking a look at those pictures, knowing his mind would go blank at the image of you looking at him with those lustful eyes from a third-person perspective. Living through it already had him in agony night after night as he thought of nothing but you.

"Y-yeah. I saw them," he lied, "You did amazing."

"Really?", you were always giddy at his compliments (which didn't come often due to his shy demeanor towards you), "I've never done a more provocative concept like this before. It's fun. It suits you a lot, Jihoon. I'm glad I got to do it with you of all people."

And you had no idea how glad he was too.

Shooting the music video had somehow been even more agonizing than the photoshoot. It was two grueling days of constant time spent together. He loved your company, but the stylists kept insisting on dressing you in the most provocative outfits imaginable to man. He couldn't think while he looked at you. You were like a siren. Even the strongest of men wouldn't be able to resist you.

The worst of it came in the form of the director instructing you two to act like two lovers against the world. Word for word. It wasn't difficult for Jihoon to pretend he was enamored by you, but he was truly at a loss of words over how well you also played your role. By now he had become numb to your touch, having run through the choreography with you multiple times by now, and with you having become increasingly touchier through the time you'd known each other.

He thanked god under his breath as soon as the two days came to a close, knowing that now he could at least keep his feelings under wraps for a while. It was now about two weeks until the release of the song. According to the schedule, all that was left was one pre-recorded Studio Choom performance, two comeback shows after the release of the song, and two variety show appearances together. It was all pretty straightforward from now on. There was no way Jihoon wouldn't be able to put up with what was left. He had this in the bag.

The worst thing imaginable happened after that. Jihoon had not planned for this, nor had you, apparently.

It was very sudden and came completely out of left field. It pertained to you, but had affected Jihoon more than anyone involved.

Dispatch had released an article just a week before the official release of the song. Promotions had only begun, but had been slightly disrupted by this sudden interruption.

The article featured you, and an unknown man. They were clearly pictures taken off-guard, from a distance. You were in front of some building, ignorant to any cameras nearby. You were too close for Jihoon's comfort. He knew there was some type of relationship there. The caption to the picture didn't help matters either. Something about an estranged lover you'd been keeping secret from the media. There were too many pictures for Jihoon to process. In some you were embracing, while in others you were sharing a low-quality peck from what he could tell.

Seeing that article had been an absolute punch in the gut. There was no argument against it. There was clearly something between you and that guy. He was standing too close to you, even holding onto you in most of the pictures. You could barely tell it was you, but to Jihoon it was obvious. He had never felt heartbreak like this before. The two of you had never dated or even insinuated actual interest in the other, but it still felt like betrayal to him, as irrational as that thought was. It was all his fault, really. Had he told you about his feelings, maybe things would've been different.

Jihoon felt like an idiot. Of course this had all been just a business transaction to you. You were assigned to work with him, just as he was you. Even if he had led himself to believe that the feelings might've somehow been mutual, it had all just been in his head. What would you see in him anyways? Yeah, sure, you had a few things in common, but who in their right mind would ever want to be with the empty-hearted producer who cared for nothing but work. Hell, the day he met you was yet another day in which he had been willingly locked in his studio all day. That was what you would've been signing up for, had you looked his way. He didn't wish such a loveless relationship to anyone. He knew by now that he did- he did love you, but he knew he was probably unable to love you in the way you deserved. He was incapable of that. At 26, he'd had no experience with love. Why would someone as beautiful and amazing as you want to be with someone like him?

He was in love with you. That was something he could now full-heartedly admit to himself. Within these two months he had fallen deeply in love with you. Nothing could change that by now, not even knowing that you were already taken. He couldn't help himself in locking himself in his house after that, ignoring and all messages from both you and his manager regarding the few rehearsals he had skipped over.

Hybe did their damage control, making the situation go away as soon as it arose, but to Jihoon the damage had been done. He felt like an irrational idiot being hurt by this, but he needed to be away from you for a few days. You hadn't done anything to him, but he couldn't see you right now without feeling pain. He was punishing you with no proper justification, but his feelings were too strong for him to put up with.

A little over an entire day went on like this, with no communication from Jihoon to anyone. He was surprised no one had come looking for him until now, the moment in which bangs against his front door could be heard all the way from his room. Whoever was looking for him had made liberal use of the doorbell too, not giving him a single break from its constant ringing as he tried to ignore it. He finally grew too tired of it, deciding to give up his moping and going downstairs to beg that person to leave him alone to his misery. He still needed a few days before he could go face his reality. He couldn't face you just yet.

Except the choice had been made for him. His first mistake had been not checking the doorbell camera, which would've made him privy on who exactly was knocking on his door. He felt bad at thinking this, but had he known it was you, he never would've opened it.

He was beyond embarrassed at his appearance, once more wearing a three-day-old shirt and his cheeks damp with the tears he hadn't yet wiped away. You, on the other hand, looked as beautiful as ever. You carried a worried look on your face, lips pouty and eyebrows furrowed as you looked at him. He was not given time to welcome you in before you barged in for yourself, launching yourself at him in a tight hug before he could say anything. He wasn't an idiot, and he was too weak for his liking, so he held you back just as tight, enjoying a good three or so minutes of silence as you held each other.

You pulled away too soon for his liking, unhooking your face from the crook of his neck as you spoke up, still holding onto him, "Jihoon ... I'm so sorry. It's- it's not what you think, I swear. Please believe me."

He wasn't sure why you were so apologetic. You didn't owe him anything. He felt like even more of a loser at making you feel like you had to apologize for having a boyfriend. He knew that by now there was no way you didn't know about his crush on you, which made him feel even more humiliated at the situation. He separated himself from you for the first time ever, creating some distance as he refused to look at you. He took this chance to close the door he had left open when you had attacked him with your embrace.

"You don't have to ..."

"No, Jihoon. Listen to me. Please."

Your eyes were glossy now, and Jihoon felt bad at causing you any distress, so he signaled at you to continue.

"It's not- it isn't what you think. Yeah, I ... I did have a ... a thing with that guy. I know Hybe denied it being me, but you know- you know it's me. But it's not how it looks!"

"Then ... what is it?", he couldn't believe he was even letting himself ask that question, as if you had to explain yourself to him. But part of him really wanted to know. He wanted to somehow hear you say that it wasn't true, that you would never look at anyone but him.

"It's an old picture. He- he used to work for our group, as staff. We had a thing. It ended badly. Haven't really dated since then. This was before I met you, Jihoon, please, I need you to know that."

"You .. Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you need me to know that?", he hoped against all hope that you'd answer with what he'd been wanting to hear since he met you, but he knew he was playing with the devil when asking you that. He knew there was a very logical chance that you'd just confirm your platonic feelings for him, or straight up reject him.

"You know, Jihoon. I know you know. I- I'd never do that to you. I'd never look at anyone but you."

"Do you-"

"Yes', you paused, 'I like you, Jihoon."

And then his heart stopped beating.

"So much. Since we met. I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since the day we met. I like you so fucking much. I can't think of anything else. I thought it was just because I've always been a fan of yours, but ... being around you just made me feel so happy. I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier. Fuck, I'm sorry I made you feel like there was someone else in the picture."

He didn't know what to say. You'd said everything he had wanted to hear for the past two months. You liked him. It wasn't one-sided. There was nothing stopping him from making you his now. Those feelings he thought had been fake for the portrayal of your song's concept had been genuine all along. He'd never felt such relief.

"Jihoon? Is it not ...? Fuck. Did I misread everything? Shit, I'm sorry. I should, uh, I should go-"

Fuck. No! He needed to reciprocate, he just had no idea how. He couldn't have you thinking he wasn't equally (if not more) obsessed with you. So he did the one thing he could think of in that moment. Something he had imagined time and time again, but never had the courage to do.

You yelped against him as he pulled his lips to yours, but immediately began kissing him back. There was nothing tender about the kiss as Jihoon would've expected. It was a complete mess from the start. The kiss was a testament to how badly you'd both wanted each other this whole time.

Jihoon felt lightheaded at the feeling of your tongue sneaking its way into his mouth, and the moans that accompanied it. He couldn't help but feel immediate arousal at your touch. He wasn't sure how to kiss you. He'd never shared such a passionate exchange before, but he wanted to give you everything in him with his kiss.

You only pulled away when you were out of breath, still keeping yourself as close to him as possible as you breathed into each other's mouths, your lips lightly closing over his as you regained your breath.

"Hoonie ..." the sound of your breathless voice muttering his name did shameful things to him. There was no way he could handle a conversation right now.

"Tell me- tell me you like me. I need to know. Please ..." the sheer lust and desperation in your voice were things that would never leave Jihoon's mind.

"So much. I li- I love you. You have no idea. Every day was agony not acting on it. I'm sorry if it's too much, but it's true. I've never felt this way before. I'm in love with you. The thought of you with someone else made me wanna give everything up. It's ... God, I just love you."

You didn't seem to need any more words before closing the gap again, this time backing him up against the nearest wall as you kissed him with all your might. You took full control of the kiss, grabbing his cheeks and angling him so you could play with his lips as you saw fit. He moaned and writhed against you, shyly attempting to hold onto your waist but not actually daring to. You must've caught wind of his intentions, grabbing onto his hands and forcing them on your waist, pressing your chest up against his. He began to caress your waist, falling in love with the slope of your back in the process. He was still shy with his movements, but his lips were nothing but. He adored your soft sighs against his lips any time his tongue would suckle on yours, or any time his teeth nibbled on your bottom lip.

You must've eventually grown tired of his shy demeanor, grabbing onto his arms and pining them above his head, beginning to softly grind against him as you began to lick and suck at his neck. Jihoon was on cloud nine. His body was unsure of how to react to such pleasure from someone he had already grown so addicted to.

"Hoonie ... want you so bad ... please," his knees buckled at your begging, your warm breath hitting against his ear as he groaned out at the thought of you in his bed.

He was simply a shell of himself at that point, so it had been your responsibility to drag the both of you in the direction he pointed his bedroom was at, but as soon as you were there, you pushed him to lay on the bed. He was ready for whatever you were willing to give him. He had no chance against you anyway.

"Hoonie, shit. Been wanting you for so long. Can I, please?", you'd begun to straddle him, leaning over him as you ghosted over his lips. He swore he wasn't going to make it, body heating up at the mere suggestion of you touching him.

"P-please ..."

You began kissing him again, running your hands up and down his torso, eventually landing on his crotch, softly caressing it as he whined into your mouth.

"Oh? Jihoonie ... You're so hard. Want me to help you?"

"Fuck ... Need you so bad, please ..."

"But we haven't even started to have fun," you moved your hand away, now sitting up a bit to begin grinding against his crotch, deep movements making his eyes roll back as his arms laid limp on his sides.

"Won't you touch me, Hoonie? Don't be shy. You already know how much I want you," you guided his hands to your hips, making him clamp his fingers on the clothed flesh while you moaned out at the feeling of his hard cock gracing your most delicate parts.

You were both beginning to heat up, which led you to throw your shirt off, now only in a bra and some sweats. He audibly moaned at the view, only causing you to play it up for him as you caressed your own covered breasts, "Want me to take my bra off, baby? Hmm?"

"Y-yes. Wanna see you so bad. You're so beautiful."

That was enough for you to wiggle your way out of your pants, throwing off your bra right after. The sight had his cock squirming under you. No amount of lonely nights thinking about you could have ever prepared him for the sight before him. Your soft skin shining under the soft light of the half drawn blinds. He wanted to memorize your body, leave his mark on every inch of it, but his arms would not move from your hips. He knew that the moment he got his hands on you he would finally face insanity. There was not a single detail he wasn't already obsessed with. He wanted you so badly, but he didn't know what to do with himself. His cock was extremely swollen under his sweats, begging to find comfort in any crevice of your body you would allow. The fleeting thought of fucking your pretty tits flew through his mind, making him shudder as he continued to pant at the beautiful girl sitting on him.

"Touch me?", you asked, already guiding his hands to your breasts, making him sit up to be face to face with you.

"Holy fuck ..." he moaned at the warmth of your breasts in his hands. He couldn't help himself in getting his fill of you, hands squeezing and running all over your chest. The moment he dared to pinch at your nipples he truly saw heaven, hearing you whine his name in the prettiest sound he'd ever heard.

"Hoo-Hoonie ... Please. Touch me more. Just like that," you let your head fall back, sighing at the soft touch of his fingers pinching at your nipples, "Your mouth, Hoonie ..."

That was all he needed to lower his head and begin licking at your nipples, biting lightly as he pulled at them, dick twitching desperately at the pretty sounds leaving your lips. He could've sworn he'd cum just from how beautiful you sounded. His ears were ringing by now, only able to process the feeling of your hand pressing his face against your chest and your hips suddenly restarting their movements against his own.

You let him make out with your tits for a bit before pulling him off, much to his dismay. You giggled at his reaction, but began to pout at him to get him to remove his top.

"Shit. God, Hoonie, you're so gorgeous," you breathed out upon seeing his bare chest, running your hands up and down the blank canvas. You let your own fingers pull and pinch at his nipples a bit, slow in your movements as he whined at you. He understood now, how fucking good such a light touch in such a sensitive area felt. He was beginning to lose all air in his brain, mind foggy as you gave him all types of pleasure.

He needed you now. Needed attention in his nether area so bad. He could feel how wet you were through his sweats, softly begging you to please let him have you. The whisper against your ear had you pulling your hands away from his chest, separating yourself enough to look into his eyes.

"Want you too. Can I have it, Hoonie? Fuck ... Will you judge me if I beg? I just ... Want you in my mouth so bad, Hoonie, please."

He felt embarrassed by his reaction, but he couldn't help but moan loudly at that simple sentence, nodding like crazy at the proposition. The last time he'd been in someone's mouth had been years ago. He had felt intimate touch before, but only a handful of times total. He was fully unprepared for what your mouth encompassing him would feel like.

Before he knew it, you had thrown off both his pants and boxers, enticing him to sit at the edge of the bed as you knelt in front of him. You were looking at his cock as if it were your last meal, eyes crossed and a moan leaving your mouth at the sight. He couldn't believe a gorgeous thing like yourself would ever show so much thirst for him. His soul left his body the moment you lowered your tongue onto his tip, kitten-licking at it as you looked up into his eyes. What truly made him lose his mind, however, was the moment you began to bob your head up and down his cock, with your hands playing and scratching at his balls. His hands clutched at the sheets, unable to hold himself in a sat up position due to the unimaginable pleasure. He was unsure how he didn't cum the moment you put your mouth on him (or the moment you kissed him, if he was being honest).

"So- fuck ... So fucking good. You're perfect. Please ..." he wasn't sure what he was begging for. The pleasure was clouding his mind. And then you did something that had him gasping for air. You unglued your mouth from gagging on his cock in favor of licking and sucking at his balls. His eyes rolled all the way back into his brain, back arching against the bed as you took turns licking his balls and worshiping his cock.

Unsurprisingly, he came in your mouth moments later, almost blacking out at the feeling. He was unable to catch his breath for a good minute, all the while you swallowed his seed and sat back on him. Before he was able to resume his breathing, you had already shoved your tongue back in his mouth, making him whine at the mixture of your saliva and his cum twirling in your tongue. He couldn't help his hands running all over your body, hugging and squeezing at every curve he could reach.

"Baby, I-"

"Taste so good, Hoonie, fuck. You have no idea how much I thought about that. Every time you wore those tiny little shorts to dance practice all I wanted to do was kick everyone out and beg you to fuck my mouth."

Jesus Christ. He hated how outspoken you were sometimes. He felt himself begin to harden again at just the simple thought of you wanting him as much as he did you (even though he was 99% sure that was impossible). He felt bad, but he was a bit sad he had cum in your mouth. He had thought of the feeling of your cunt wrapping around him almost every night for the past month. He knew he'd get it sooner or later, but a sinister part of his brain was begging him to flip you around and go to town on you. He might've been inexperienced, but he knew that his body would take him there if he needed it.

"W-wanna ..."

"Hmm? Yeah, baby?", you softly caressed his cheek, looking at him with so much love in your eyes.

"Please ..." he couldn't bring himself to say it. He felt too ashamed at asking for even more out of you when he'd already made you do all the work to confess and even made him have the best orgasm of his life.

"Yeah, Hoonie? Want me? Want you too. You have no idea ..." he thanked god the moment you started grinding against his bare dick yet again, leaning down to lick at his lips, "Can I ride you, baby? Please ... Been dreaming about it."

All he could do was whine and nod as his hands squeezed at your ass, trying to entice you into lifting your hips so you could finally sit on his now hardened dick.

No words left his mouth as you finally lowered on him, all his focus on the pretty expression on your face as you moaned out at the feeling of being impaled by him. His back arched, head digging back into the mattress at the feeling of your cunt tightening around him. He felt your back arch too as you leaned down to kiss him, mouths open as you whined and mewled at each other.

You began humping him with no proper rhythm, causing him to thrust upwards to meet your own grinds. He was so desperate for you. Nothing compared to how good he felt in that moment. Your body was drawing all types of pleasure out of him.

"F-feel so good. Hoonie ... You're so- Ah! So fucking good for me."

"Me? You ... Shit. Never felt this good. You're perfect," you tightened at his words, making him plant his feet on the bed and begin to frantically fuck upwards, leading you to scream and whine his name for all his neighbors to hear.

"Love you so much- Fuck! Been wanting you forever. Didn't know how hard I'd fall for you that day, shit. You're everything to me," he couldn't help himself in rambling yet another confession in your ear as you attempted to match the animalistic pace of his thrusts.

"Love you too, Hoonie. You have n-no idea. Never letting you go. You- you're mine now," and yours he wanted to be forever.

Jihoon had never imagined he'd feel love like this as long as he was alive. He had lost hope in finding the perfect girl many years ago, assuming his lifestyle to be too difficult for him to find someone to love him so strongly, but now he had you. Now he had you in his arms as you professed your love for one another. He had never felt such happiness. His ability to think left him soon after, however, as you clamped down on him with yet another scream of his name as you found your end, taking him with you in his own.

After the two minutes or so that it took you to regain your breaths, you managed to cuddle up against each other, unable to stop caressing each other in one way or another. The smiles wouldn't leave your faces. Jihoon couldn't help but think of his life; how he had everything a man could ever want, and now he had you on top of all that, and you'd quickly become his favorite thing. You spent the rest of the day in his bed, making love and waxing poetic at one another. You completely disregarded any collab preparations for the day, opting instead to finally give into each other to the fullest extent.

Soon after, all promotions finally ended. You and Jihoon received equal accolades on your ability to mix both your styles, achieving a successful collaboration between two monster producers. The praise over being all rounders was also endless, as people commended you both for the production, vocals, dance, visuals and chemistry demonstrated all throughout the promotional period.

People noticed how comfortable you were around each other, despite having never publicly interacted before the release date of the single. People believed it was simply amazing work ethic being showcased by the two of you, but what didn't meet the public eye was the genuine love and enjoyment behind every interaction. The two of you had made it a point to begin appearing publicly together often from then on (strictly as friends to anyone who asked, of course), which allowed you to hide your relationship in plain sight.

Jihoon had never been happier, now having you as yet another companion to visit him at his Universe Factory any time he would lock himself in there to work, a habit that began to diminish as he grew more and more addicted to your company outside the confinement of those four walls.

Today was yet another one of those occasions, as you were sharing yet another meal together at the Hybe cafeteria. Staff was mostly unaware of the nature of your relationship, but you two liked it that way.

"Hey," you called out to him as you played around with his phone.

"Hmm?"

"Did you see this email from Bumzu?", he shook his head in denial, "He said Hybe's requesting your help producing for Gyu's collab with Jungkook. Cause of how well ours did."

"Yeah?", he chuckled, "Gonna have to talk to him. Not doing it without you."

"Oh, really?", you grinned at him, "Wanna team up again?", you leaned closer to him, but not too close to draw suspicion from the few other idols and staff around who were eating there.

"Mhm. You did most of the work. Couldn't've done it without you."

He knew that to be completely true, as he would've remained in his slump had you not come out of left field to make his life do a 180.

"Wanna team up with you for the rest of my life."

You smiled at him. He could see in your eyes you wanted to show some sort of affection towards him, but could not due to the public setting. All it took was one look between you for him to know you felt the same. You held his hand under the table, going back to conversation about your next possible collaboration together with your other labelmates, happy to have found a soulmate in one another.

a/n: idk how other writers are putting out 20k+ words monsters jesus christ. anyways i rlly hope u enjoyed <33 this concept had been plaguing my mind for a while so im rlly happy to have finally finished it!!

[ecoamerica]

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

[kenjakusbrainstem]

Always Staring (Yuuta x Reader)

Contains: Breast fucking, awkward first kisses, Yuuta being strange and off putting, reader probably more of a pervert than Yuuta though.

Hello! Day 2 of kinktober and I chose to do titfucking, despite having never written it before! I also have never written Yuuta despite him being one of my favorite characters. Always too afraid of mischaracterization. No fear of that now though! Crossposted to Ao3 under the same name and shared to twitter as kenjakusbrain. Comment or like if you have any thoughts!

This wasn’t the first time you’d caught Yuuta staring at your chest. It had become something you expected when the two of you went on missions together, at some point you knew you’d look over and see him lost in thought, eyes affixed on your cleavage. You never pointed it out, knowing he’d be far too embarrassed if you said anything. Plus, you didn’t mind the attention from him, as your crush on him had been steadily growing the more time you spent together. 

You were both seated in the back of Ijichi’s car, returning to campus after another successful mission. Only, this time the curse you’d been sent to exorcize had been near a lake, which had led to the two of you falling in at one point. Not the worst thing to happen and you hadn’t thought much of it at the time, but now that you weren’t preoccupied with fighting you could tell he was distracted. It was late so perhaps he felt safer looking in the dark, but you could feel his eyes glued to your now nearly see through white button up.

Not that he was in much better shape, his own shirt stuck to the skin in a way that let you get a better look at his nice chest. Though it was different, you supposed, trying to avoid looking at his shirt. You felt your cheeks flush as you noticed how he was gripping his thigh. He looked lost in thought but you could tell he was exerting some kind of self control the way his nails dug into his slacks.

Without thinking, you reached out and grabbed his hand. The motion startled him and his eyes quickly jumped from your chest to your face. You could see the mix of fear and anxiety mounting on his face, the near permanent worry line on his forehead forming. 

Smiling softly, you tried to diffuse the tension by shaking your head at him. You didn’t want to talk about this in front of Ijichi of all people, you were just hoping to calm him down in some way. The stressed look didn’t quite leave Yuuta’s face, but he nodded back at you, allowing you to take his hand and move it from his thigh. 

You had expected him to pull his hand away, not to leave it resting awkwardly in yours.

A half formed idea made its way to the front of your mind. Perhaps Yuuta wasn’t the only one feeling bold in the dark backseat of the car. You brought his hand over to your own thigh, pressing his palm down onto the bare skin above your knee. You could feel him freeze up, more anxious now than when he’d realized you caught him staring. Moving your fingers along his, forcing him to apply more pressure.

Once you felt him knead your thigh on his own, you moved your hand up, caressing his wrist with your thumb. A half hearted attempt to soothe him after you were the one to stress him out. You weren’t entirely sure what your goal was, but it felt nice to have his warm hand on your skin. Part of you wanted to show him in some way that you wanted his attention, but it's harder to say things out loud than it is to just use your hands. You knew Yuuta well enough that you were sure he’d have a heart attack if you brought this up in conversation.

The two of you remained like that, slowly touching one another in the darkness until the car came to a stop. His hand didn’t leave your thigh when the overhead light came on however, nor when the door opened. You found yourself grabbing his hand again, threading your fingers together this time as you drug him out of the car. He allowed you to pull him, not letting go even as he bowed to Ijichi while you thanked him for bringing you back so late. 

Silently, you both made your way to the dorms, hands still clasped tightly together. It was late, so everything was quiet, you wanted nothing more than to return to your dorm and change clothes.

Passing Yuuta’s room, you noticed that he barely acknowledged that he should have stopped there, following you almost like a lost puppy on a leash. 

Maybe he just wanted to walk you to your room? Yuuta had always been very considerate and polite, so it would make sense. You didn’t want to bring it up and chance him getting nervous, you wanted to show him you cared after all.

Once the two of you made it to your room at the end of the long hallway, you paused. Turning to Yuuta, you opened your mouth to speak, to thank him for the mission and for walking you to your room. But you couldn’t speak, something was off about the look in his eyes. He looked like an animal at the shelter, begging for adoption. His eyes pleading, a strange loneliness in them mixed with something you couldn’t recognize.

“Do you want to stay here?” You asked, unsure on whether it was against the rules to stay with a classmate. You wouldn’t mind letting him sleep in your room, you’d slept in Maki’s after missions before, so it wasn’t entirely too strange to just want to not be alone. 

Thinking of how bold you felt in the darkness of the car, perhaps being alone with him could be good for both of you. The thought had your heart racing as you waited for him to answer.

“Please?” Yuuta’s voice was soft as he spoke. Quiet, as if he thought being too loud might ruin whatever was going on in this moment.

You squeezed his hand tighter and opened the door, letting him follow you in before turning on the light. Fortunately, your room wasn’t much of a mess, just some open textbooks on your bed as clutter. 

Awkwardly you both stood, looking anywhere but at each other. You were about to offer him a seat on your bed, but then you realized he was also still in wet clothing. 

“Our clothes are too wet to sit anywhere, did you want to go back to your room and change? You can still come back,” You offered, feeling a little unsure of yourself now. You had almost forgotten how wet you were, but looking at Yuuta in the light you could clearly see how his shirt clung to his skin. 

Yuuta had noticed as well, eyes once again stuck on your chest. You could clearly see the outline of your black bra against the white cotton. Your cheeks flushed again, part of you wanting to take your hand back from him and cover up. A different part of you, perhaps the same one that urged you to take his hand earlier, wanted you to change clothes right here in front of him and see what kind of reaction you could pull from him.

“No, I don’t want to leave,” Yuuta said, shaking his head at your question. He was a quiet person, usually due to his shyness, but however awkward the situation seemed, you didn’t sense any of Yuuta’s normal shyness. 

“Because you’d rather stare at my tits?” The question left your mouth before you had a chance to fully think about it. You weren’t upset, you enjoyed having Yuuta’s attention and the thought that he didn’t want to leave your side was perhaps what added to you being so forward. 

An undignified sound came from Yuuta, as if the question had smacked him in the back of the head. His eyes flew up to yours, worry now taking over any other emotion that swam in them earlier. There was the Yuuta you knew, stuttering to try and come up with some proper apology. His hand dropped yours as he stepped back slightly, trying to put some space between you.

“Did you think I didn’t notice? You’re always looking at them, how could I not notice?” You asked, more out of curiosity, did he really think he was being discrete?

He shook his head, his cheeks red with embarrassment. 

“N-no, I mean yes I do notice sometimes, but you, you never said anything so,” Yuuta struggled to get out a sentence, tripping over his words as he spoke. 

You felt bad for teasing him, the guilty look on his face making you want to hold him and apologize even if you had done nothing wrong.

“Maybe I like that you look at them,” You confessed. Your words made him freeze, the look of panic on his face turning to one of confusion. Slowly you brought your hands up to the collar of your damp shirt. “Do you want to see more?”

Yuuta blinked at you, still unsure if he was hearing this right. He figured he may have actually failed the mission today because this had to be some sort of heaven. He nodded, eyes drifting down to your fingers, eagerly awaiting what would happen next.

Without a word you slowly began to unbutton the shirt. It wasn’t hard, but you were still a little embarrassed, you’d never exposed yourself to another, let alone the person you’ve had a developing crush on! As your fingers reached the last button you shrugged the damp material off of your shoulders, baring more skin to him.

“Can I?” Yuuta asked, voice eager as he reached both of his hands out, gesturing at your chest. You weren’t completely exposed, bra still on. For some reason, you had a feeling it wouldn’t last long.

Nodding, you held still as Yuuta’s curious hands cupped your breasts. He squeezed them gently through the material of your bra. The pressure felt okay, but you knew that it would feel much better with his warm hands on your skin. You wanted more, and you could tell he did too.

Hands sneaking behind your back, you undid the clasp on your bra with a practiced ease. Yuuta’s hands froze as he felt the material come loose, falling to the floor. 

The look on his face was one you would never forget, his eyes wide and face red, it was cute how amazed he seemed to be. You leaned toward him, shivering as your nipples brushed up against the palms of his hands. 

His hands, rough from using his sword, kneaded your soft breasts. The pads of his fingers teasingly rubbing against your sensitive nipples, it felt so much nicer when he touched you than when you touched yourself. Yuuta didn’t know what he was doing, you knew that, but that didn’t matter when it felt so good.

Wanting to make him feel good too you let your hands fall to the front of his black pants, making short work of his belt before he could stop you. Pushing them down wasn’t hard, but he was trying to keep them up, moving his hips to try and move beyond your reach. He was still too fixated on kneading your breasts that he didn’t even think to use his hands.

While he was distracted, a thought crossed your mind, a bold one not unlike the thought you had in the car. Quickly you decided that you’d rather push this night as far as it could go than wait for Yuuta to make more of a move.

You pushed on his hips just hard enough to send him falling onto your bed. Softly bouncing in surprise as he hadn’t expected that. Yuuta looked up at you, wondering if he had done something wrong. You watched his eyes grow even wider as you got on your knees before him. Reaching out, you looped your fingers into his waistband and pulled his pants and underwear down, revealing his cock, hard and curving up toward his belly button.

Wonder and lust mixed inside you as you moved to feel him, your hand wrapping around him slowly. A gasp left his lips as you felt just how soft the skin on his hard cock was, it felt so perfect in your hand.

Before you could do anything else, a hand tightly wound in your hair, pulling you up just enough to meet Yuuta’s lips in a desperate kiss. The kiss was messy, your teeth bumping together as your tongue brushed up against his. Both of you were wound tight with excitement and a yearning for each other's bodies. 

As messy as the kiss was, it was your first kiss. Sloppy and frantic, but it somehow felt like you both were just excited to be intimate with one another. You felt Yuuta’s hand leave your hair, allowing you to pull back enough to breathe. Looking up at him made you want to kiss him again, his lips wet and mouth open slightly.

“I, figured we should, you know, have our first kiss before, well before whatever you're doing,” Yuuta’s nervousness could be felt as he spoke, tripping over his words as you continued to kneel before him.

Yuuta’s lapse back into shyness from his demanding kiss made your heart swell. No matter what was happening, he was still just as adorable as always. 

You smiled up at him before returning your eyes to the leaking cock in front of you. You could tell just how excited he was, and you couldn’t deny you were excited too.

“Ever since I noticed you staring at my tits so much, I’ve thought about how much you probably want to feel them,” You explained, nervousness making you feel awkward as you spoke. “I thought you’d like this too.”

You cupped your breasts in your hands, adjusting the way you sat until you were at the right angle to lean forward and envelop his cock with them. A needy whine left his throat as you squeezed Yuuta’s cock in between your soft breasts. You could feel his thighs tremble as you slowly moved them up and down, enjoying the feeling of his throbbing cock between them.

Yuuta didn’t know what to do with his hands, lifting both of them to his mouth to try and keep all the sounds he was making inside. Neither of you wanted to wake anyone that would stop this. With every pass of the head of his cock in between your soft flesh you could feel him leaking all over your chest.

The noises you pulled from Yuuta had devolved from soft moans to whimpers the longer you stroked his cock. You weren’t sure how much longer he would last, but if his strained cock was any indication, he was close. The flushed head stood out against the skin on your bare chest.

Your movements felt euphoric to Yuuta, your skin so much softer than he could have imagined. The way your flesh cradled his cock made it hard for him to keep going. You just made him feel so much better than his hand could. 

Yuuta’s hips moved, following your lead. After a few shallow tries he was thrusting earnestly into your soft breasts. You tried to match his pace, but his eagerness proved more impatient. Slowing your motions, you allowed him to fuck himself until he couldn’t any longer.

Yuuta came suddenly, release hitting you on the chest and face. Neither of you had expected it to happen yet. His thrusts slowed as he settled back on the bed, allowing you to keep up your movements, milking every drop from him. 

Reaching behind you, you grabbed your discarded shirt and wiped the mess off of your face and chest. He had laid back on your bed as you cleaned yourself up. Crawling up next to him, you kissed his cheek, there would be more time to explore each other later.

[bloodpen-to-paper]

Gonna throw my hat into the ring here, as someone who very recently had a streamer they loved and supported go down for serious allegations and crimes. Feel free to skip around my long ass response, I'll break it down into parts:

---Public Reception

Part of the reason I despise these situations is because people online don't ever know enough to make 100% accurate assessments, but will act like they do anyway (I don't care if its authoritarian, I want a bill where people on Twitter can't post about drama until after at least 5 minutes of being forced to critically think). Having said that, here's my opinions on how everything should go forward:

-Shelby shared her story in order to spread awareness on domestic abuse and the signs, so that others can read those signs and keep themselves safe (or leave an actively abusive situation they've been convincing themselves isn't that bad). That is the priority here, that is what people should be focusing on. If you make this situation about stirring drama with the other CCs, you're a dumbass and you need to stop posting. Give support to Shelby, uplift the voices of women like her sharing their stories, spread awareness on what domestic abuse can look like so everyone can learn, and wait for more information. Its that simple.

-CCs don't owe statements for conflicts they weren't involved in. Philza, Tommy, Quackity, Charlie, and other CCs close to Wilbur who aren't part of this don't owe you an explanation. They're people, they're most likely having to come to terms with the fact that a dear friend, someone who could've been like family, isn't who they thought he was. Have a fucking heart and cut it with the parasocial entitlement. I'm hoping Quackity will remove Wilbur from the Qsmp, but just like with Forever, he probably won't make a big announcement of it, and that's perfectly ok. I understand wanting to make sure you're not supporting a CC who would defend someone guilty of committing domestic abuse, but its still not your right to get anything from these people. If they share, they share. If not, then they don't. If you can't handle that, then leave.

-Having said the above, its worth noting that CCs aren't just a fun group of friends, they're coworkers. Much of what they say publicly and when they say it can be shaped or restricted by situations that can affect their careers or get them in legal trouble. You don't know these people personally or what goes on behind the scenes, its a network and you can't measure their responses the same way you would your own opinion piece. The CCs will always need to be careful about how they respond to an issue, and they will most likely respond in "safe" ways considering what's on the line. Not accusing anyone of anything, nor demonizing them for it, just something to keep in mind. They're human, but they're also working a job.

-If you have Lovejoy or Wilbur-related merch, DON'T THROW IT AWAY OR DESTROY IT. I've seen lots of people pointing out merch can be donated to thrift shops or shelters, and its more eco-friendly than burning or trashing. Remember, anything can be repurposed; a book, a hoodie, there's always someone who can find a use for it. Likewise if you want to keep your old merch, that's fine to. You can wear it if it brings you comfort, or if its something you just like the look of. As long as you're not supporting the source, you already have the merch so don't let people pressure you into thinking you're bad for keeping it if you're not ready to let go/throw away those $70.

---My Opinion Regarding His Response

Everyone and their cousin has been dogpiling on Wilbur's response (rightfully), but I think people online don't understand how public responses work when there's legal team and PR interference. The tweet for me had a weird lack of personal touch and emotion from the guy I've observed to be very personal in his writings, whether its his music or a community post about a life update (blah blah parasociality I know, but I'm letting you know the observations I've made of his behavior simply as someone who notices these things). He also never explicitly stated Shelby's name, rather saying "that person" (you even had the textbook 'black text on a blank white background' screenshotted response). Finally, there was a consistent standing on Wilbur 'not being aware of how the other person really felt' regarding his actions. What I'm trying to say is... y'all really gotta start putting two and two together. Its a textbook PR response. As in, I'd be surprised if Wilbur had over 50% involvement in making it because the wording is exactly how it reads when a response has been initiated by someone's lawyers rather than themselves. The reason he doesn't take more accountability and openly admit to having abused Shelby (other than the obvious public backlash) is probably cause his lawyers are banking on the feigning ignorance angle, that Wilbur didn't intentionally abuse Shelby and was ignorant to how his actions affected her. Its the best way to get him out of hot water on the legal side, because again, this isn't messy drama; its a genuine accusation of a crime. I don't think the response is tone deaf and unaware, I think its a deliberate and measured legal move not even fully created by Wilbur himself. This isn't to say I think he's innocent, but I do know that Shelby and others have brought up some serious accusations, and Wilbur is lawyering up as a result.

---Nuance

Prefacing this part by saying that things are not looking good for Wilbur in regards to what other CCs have brought up about him, and I fully believe and support Shelby, hence why I support that the community should start distancing from him and his work. But I would like to take this opportunity to look into the greater aspects at play. We are within a system that brings up men to do what they want without teaching them to be considerate and aware of the consequences. Men are taught their harmful behavior is perfectly fine, often at women's expense, which makes these situation a very different story depending on who's telling it. Its because of this that we need to critically analyze the system and how it causes men to turn out as they do, instead of giving an immediate opinion without any nuance.

There's a possibility that Wilbur is being genuine in not realizing how bad his actions were. There's a possibility he truly is a manipulative liar who knew exactly what he was doing. He could be a piece of shit. He could be genuinely trying to improve and do better. We don't know. I'd say its pretty cut and dry that he hurt Shelby, and for that I'm glad she's getting justice for herself and spreading awareness. But if we're to entertain the idea of redemption, we need to look at situations like these with nuance so that we can understand the "why". I'm not trying to justify Wilbur's actions or even give him the benefit of the doubt, I have no idea what's going on in that guy's head. I'm just putting this out there because its something I want everyone to think about, especially when it comes to topics regarding narcissism and mental health issues. Don't support him or Lovejoy, just keep something like this in mind for the future.

---The Community/Now Displaced Fans

To everyone who's immediately telling Wilbur's fans (the ones that don't support his actions and are actively mourning no longer being able to enjoy his stuff) to just listen to other music or move on, and who are celebrating each negative new thing that comes out about Wilbur's current status, sincerely, shut the fuck up. You are completely lacking in empathy or emotional intelligence, and what you're doing is the last thing the community needs. Wilbur and his work could have and for many did get fans through some of their hardest moments, and losing that wonderful sense of community you get from streamers and their work (especially with the roleplay stuff) is awful. It fucked me up losing that after almost a year, for some of his fans its been even longer.

If you're a (former) fan of his, its ok to feel like shit. We're human, we get attached and we grieve losing something like this because that's how capable we are of loving. Take your time, as long as you know where to stand (supporting Shelby and raising awareness on domestic abuse), you're doing good. You can keep enjoying his characters and work and making content about it, separating the art from the artist (though don't stream his music from platforms that would give him the money, find a way to pirate it).

This sucks. I feel it as a casual fan who was once hugely into his content, I can imagine what its like for those who were huge supporters all the way up until now. You didn't do anything wrong supporting someone you thought was a good person, its just a thing that happens and its so fucking shitty. You ain't alone though, I know some of you have that knee-jerk reaction to avoid anything to do with him but reaching out to others in the community and actually processing it all is way better, you won't be bottling it all up. Don't be afraid to continue engaging with this part of your life until you're ready to move on from it in your own time, and be kind to yourself. From someone who went through exactly what you are now, trust me, you'll get through it.

[laikabu]

re: my thoughts on laios’s sexuality (long post ahead lol)

let me start this post with this. first, this contains a lot of references to the new adventurer’s bible world guide book released last february. i can read japanese, but i’m sure they’re translated somewhere. general spoiler warning in case. also… i am ESL, so sorry for any grammar errors

second, if you’re on the team that insists laios doesn’t care about humans enough to form relationships, either read the manga again or at the very least read this thread.

last, please don’t chime in with your acearo headcanons on this post. there’s already a majority of posts here that insist laios is acearo and that anything else is impossible. i don’t like it the same way i don’t like when someone declares they hc marcille as bisexual to a poster who reads her as lesbian. i already have enough people here who declare he’s ace on my own art. at least people on twitter of all places don’t do this sort of thing to me. nothing in this manga is canon, you can headcanon anything i won’t get mad if you hc him as bi or something. just. don’t be weird on my post.

okay. trust me, i love women, and i love the idea of making my favs women lovers but the idea of laios being gay really appeals to me because of his background. this isn’t fueled by yaoi since i don’t even ship the only m/m relationship i bring up here, i just think it adds a nice layer to his disconnect with his own humanity

i do think laios has a very abstract relationship with his sexuality for a multitude of reasons. he grew up in a very conservative backwater village. he has a hard time recognizing his own feelings towards others just as much as vice versa. i don’t really care for the “laios is a monsterfucker” agenda people are pushing but i do think he’d engage in sexual thoughts in his own weird way, i won’t deny his deviantart fetish shit

as an autistic person myself, i relate to how he’d prioritize his special interest over social interactions. after all, he was fixated on monster food so he’s distracted from dark thoughts. he’s not an actual glutton

he’s shy around women, but i don’t think it’s out of attraction. i just think it’s because he’s awkward and doesn’t want to be seen as a threat. there’s a couple of times when, out of armor, he deliberately tries to make himself look smaller and nonthreatening.

he didn’t show any interest towards ashivia (the hubby hunter girl marcille replaced) and just humored her because she wouldn’t leave him alone. his other party members thought he was giving her special treatment so he had to tell her he “doesnt want to give her special treatment anymore”(even though he never did), so she left

ashivia did her best to butter herself up to laios and he didn’t care, but laios thought shuro was his bestest friend in the whole world because he was too much of a pushover to reject him. ironically… what ashivia did to him parallels what he was doing to shuro

also… yeah sorry i keep bringing up that one comic of laios saying if he were falin he’d marry shuro and then begging him to take him back to his country, or that comic of laios wondering why he doesn’t like him(and then the first two questions he asks the magic mirror was what if he or shuro were women). i don’t even ship them! but it’s not a reach to assume that he likes men because of this, even if it’s kinda played like a joke(after all,a lot of people like chilshi even though their ‘shippy’ interaction was played as a joke)

of course, given the setting, i don’t think knows he’s gay, he wouldn’t have the vocabulary to label himself. i do want to dance around with the idea of him forcibly confronting his own sexuality after years of yaad pressuring him to produce heirs lol. laios might not be cishet but he’s a king so he rdgaf about that right now. i’m open to him having female consorts for political reasons, but i don’t think he’s into women, is all.

before anyone brings up his succubus… god forbid an author makes hetbait. a part of the plot twist was that not-marcille wasn’t the only succubus enticing laios, his other party members were copied too. she was the only one who approached him. also… succubi aren’t always inherently romantic. once it realized marcille didn’t work, it switched to appeal to his desire to be a monster.

[dpr-stay]

Peaceful Future | B.C

Yipee! Accidental Second Chance Romance!

Anyways, I hope you all like it :) Sorry if there’s any punctuation errors, spell check changed between aus english and american english.

idol!Bang Chan X idol!Reader

WC: 3.3k

----

*gif not mine*

When the idea of going on an idol dating show was pitched to you by your CEO with multiple company investors who were the reason for your debut in the room with him, it had been hard to say no. Honestly, it was a thought that had never occurred to you even in your wildest deep dives into guilty pleasure fanfiction that often left you feeling guilty enough to not look fellow idols in the eyes for months.

I mean, to go on a random show just to make your group more popular was something you'd definitely do, but to go on a dating show? With another idol? Not something you were a hundred percent sure about. Could you really be blamed for not being on board right off the jump? But, alas, the weighted stares of many 60 year old men seem to be quite persuasive in your plight.

So if the show flopped or your group ended up receiving enough hate that the company decided to remove you, you honestly could not be blamed. It laid in the hands of the throes of peer pressure and the ridiculously persuasive power of "I'm your boss' boss."

So now, with your conscience cleared and panic only slowly setting in, standing in front of a giant, white, wooden door sitting at the end of a corridor filled with fake plants to create the illusion of boho and similarly packed with hidden cameras that aren't very well hidden, you were very unprepared.

You weren't a problematic idol nor had you had much beef with other idols, you'd say your record was quite clean. But what scared you was the person on the other side of the door. God forbid it was someone you might have accidentally offended or, even worse, one of the few idols who you actually disliked.

You weren't quite sure who else had signed up for the show, the many group chats you were in didn't reveal anything. The best you had was the members of your own group making fun of you and teasing you about finding true love. You'd laughed after the first joke but by the fiftieth time in one practice session, you'd snapped and told them all to stop joking and get to work.

That, of course, being the only part that was captured in one of your members impromptu lives. It had taken less than 30 minutes before there was two koreaboo articles speculating about if you were abusive and if you were going to be kicked from the group. A quick scroll through the comments on Naver revealed concerned fans wondering about the whole groups mental health and another scroll revealed people asking for you to be replaced and taken out of the company. Most of the comments on twitter were from people wondering about what made you so angry and the other half were talking about how hot you were when you were angry.

Maybe that was why they put you on this show, the thought gave you pause. Not only would the groups popularity increase but your reputation would change from snappy-mommy-meany to... well, something different.

Anyways, back to the present. The door loomed in front of you, the terribly hidden microphone amongst a vase of flowers on the table beside you captured your sigh before you hesitantly grabbed the door handle.

"Let's get this over with." You muttered to the ground. Maybe it was overkill but you needed to give something to the panel of random celebrities sitting on a couch that the show would undoubtedly hire. As such, you slowly turned the door handle and pushed the door open.

In the second it took you to take a step inside and look up, you heard an audible gasp.

A gasp you recognized. A gasp you had heard dramatized in reaction to horrible tv shows or one of your own terrible attempts at being cute.

When you did look up and your eyes met with brown ones, ones you realised were incredibly wide. Only when you had taken the door handle in your hand once again and slammed the door shut as you stepped out of the room did you register that your eyes were just as wide.

You took a second to pick your jaw up from where it hung open and steel yourself before opening the door again. Your reaction probably had the producers itching to figure out what caused it.

You can already see the editors hunched over their screens going through hours of award show footage to try and find glimpses of where you and him had interacted to even give a hint as to what gave you that reaction. Though hopefully, if you were as thorough as you hoped you were, they wouldn't find anything.

But there were more pressing issues such as the man sitting at a table laid out with candles and roses, sat on one of the two chairs with the other placed directly across from him. You could do this. You just have to not make it awkward which is, admittedly, easier said than done.

A sigh left your lips and you felt your chest decompress with it. Alright, this'll be fine.

The handle was taken in your grasp again and you opened the door and made eye contact with the man sitting at the table. You braced yourself and headed in. The few awkward steps you took inside the room were nothing on the tension permeating the room.

You knew him very well, and despite your current relationship with him, you were relieved it was someone you knew. However the relief you felt was not mirrored in his eyes. You'd always been able to read him from purely his eyes and you found that true now, even as much as you wished it the opposite.

When you'd first opened the door, his widened eyes very obviously conveyed shock. But, now that you'd stepped out and given both of you enough time to prepare yourselves for a reunion, you could see past the blank face he'd put on. His eyes still showed shock, which you supposed you mirrored, but they also showed resentment, curiosity, and ... was that fear?

You eventually made your way to the elaborately made table, not breaking eye-contact with the man. You laid your hand on the back of your chair and pulled it out, taking a seat. This action, of course, requiring you to move your eyes down.

Now sitting down at the table, the man in front of you cleared his throat. You moved your eyes up to his, narrowly capturing the small smirk on his face that disappeared as soon as you made eye contact again. A deep sigh left you. This is going to be a long dinner.

I mean, at least it's only a dinner. Thank god it wasn't a show of the past, such as We Got Married. If it was and you'd had to spend an extended amount of time with him, alone but not really alone, you wouldn't have been able to handle it. Not many people would be able to with their ex.

A rather forceful clearing of the throat sounded. That's the second time he's cleared his throat in a minute, he might need a tissue. Still, you focused back to where you were and the guy in front of you. The silence you maintained while making eye contact was lengthy and beginning to get on your nerves so you opened your mouth.

"Y-"

"W-"

You closed your mouth as did he. God, this was terrible. A raised hand from him gestured you to go first. You nodded and cleared your throat. Far out, you'd just ribbed on him for clearing his throat and here you were doing the same thing.

"You look happy to see me." It lacked the small amount of bite you had originally intended to put in your words and came out as timid. He quietly scoffed.

"Trust me, I'm thrilled." He returned the sarcasm back to you before continuing.

"Plus I'm not the one who left the room at the sight of me." If you weren't wrong, his words, which were spoken to point out the obvious tension between you two, were laced with an emotion akin to hurt. But what was he expecting, he'd been the one to break you two up. You slightly grimaced.

"Sorry about that, just wasn't expecting to see you." He lightly rolled his eyes. He'd gotten a lot better at masking his emotions but still wasn't able to hide completely. At least, not from you.

"Wasn't expecting it to be you either." He spoke. "D'you reckon they put us together because we're both Australian?" Chan mused after a pause. You leaned back in your seat and pondered it.

"Maybe." You concluded. "They got it pretty spot on though." Your words hung in the air, an unaddressed reference to nights spent curled up in each other's beds and dates taken in practice rooms. He straightened up in his seat, as if finally recalling your history.

You spent the awkward silence looking around the room. It was quite nice, the windows showing the busy night streets of Seoul from a ridiculously high floor. You didn't want to think about how much it cost to rent this huge room out.

It was completely void of furniture apart from plant pots that lined the three walls that weren't taken by the giant wall of windows and cameras on the walls that were definitely hidden very well in between the plants. The table had a nice white tablecloth and and the previously mentioned candles and roses. You played with the corner of the menu on the plate in front of you and mentally decided on what you'd get just in case this actually turned into a dinner service.

He cleared his throat once again (that was like fiftieth time, wasn't it?) and spoke to break the impenetrable silence that was established while you were looking around.

"Why are you doing this show?" That was not the question you'd thought he'd ask. Evidently, that was displayed as your head whipped to him, confusion written across your face.

You opened your mouth to speak again, prepared to list off that your company wanted you to clear your image and make your group more popular, not because you wanted to date someone famous because you were already very familiar with the trials and tribulations that came with dating another idol. And yet, nothing came out.

So, furrowing your eyebrows, you shot the question back to him.

"I could ask you the same thing, why are you here?" Chan clicked his tongue and he adjusted in his seat and looked around the room. He took a second before making eye contact again and responded.

"Avoiding the question?" He finally egged you instead of responding. You rolled your eyes and reached for one of the glasses on the table that was filled with water. You took a sip, feeling his eyes follow the movement of your hand and eventually the movement of your throat.

The glass was placed back on the table as you moved forward and placed your head on your palm, letting your elbow press into the table.

"C'mon Chan, I thought you were too busy for relationships." The bite that you had lacked in previous statements came back at full throttle. He swallowed and you felt a sense of smugness creep in at his discomfort.

"I've been given permission by the company to do this." You raised your eyebrows and he amended his statement.

"I mean, they were the ones to suggest it." You nodded as he leaned into the table. This gave you a second to analyse him. He looked as dapper as you remembered him and, in other circumstances, you would've spent a lot more time getting reacquainted with his looks.

Unfortunately, the present was not that time and you had a point to make.

"Do you really have enough time to do this?" You badgered. "I mean, you normally work 24/7, shouldn't you be getting back to that soon?" That was a little on the nose, you scolded yourself inside. Outside you were the perfect picture of composure, even as his eyes narrowed and his face reverted from the small sense of laidbackness he showed to being stony-faced.

"I didn't want to believe the rumours, but maybe now you do like telling people to get back to work instead of dragging them away from it." He laid out as he leaned back in his seat.

"Funny how time will do that to you." He shrugged as he met your eyes again, the blank expression he had on completely evaporating any chance you had of being able to get through the next hours unaffected.

Because, while you had been rude, bringing up the fact that he constantly blew you off while you were in a relationship in favour of work, he had been mean, bringing up your scandal and the fact that you had apparently been too much of a distraction from his work to tolerate which resulted in your breakup. You swallowed and didn't allow yourself to break eye contact.

"Yeah, funny that." You quietly responded to him, hoping that he wasn't able to read you as well as you were him. But that was a false hope and his expression softened a little and he released a breath. He paused a second before responding.

"That-... That was unwarranted. I'm sorry." He said and you let out a dry laugh.

"Nah, it's ok." You sighed before continuing. "I don't think it was unwarranted." A quick glance around the room alerted you to remember that yeah, you both were being filmed.

You locked back onto him, seeing him hesitate and then begin speaking again. "I really am sorry, for eve-"

"You know what? Let's just start over." You quickly cut in, not letting him finish what he was saying. His eyebrows drew together in confusion. His confused face was almost endearing, taking you back to when you used to beat him at board games. But it was pointless to recount that right now.

"Start over?" He questioned.

"Yep." You replied "Let's just- Let's forget everything that's ever happened and go into this as two people who've never met." You finished your statement and drew away from the table. He tilted his head to the side as you maintained eye contact.

You hoped your eyes conveyed a strong front and not the angst you were feeling on the inside. A brief glimpse of hurt passed through his eyes which had you confused until he coughed and shook his head.

"Sure." It almost seemed to be dragged out of him by the way he spat it out. You flinched before letting a small smile settle on your face and reaching out a hand.

"Hello." He glanced to your hand and then up at you as it to say 'Really?' But still, he sighed and extended his hand in like, resulting in a handshake.

"Hi. I'm Bangchan. Or Chris. I'm from a group called Stray Kids." He said while still shaking his hand which caused you to release a small laugh.

"You don't have to introduce yourself. I know your name." You placed a skeptical expression on your face before asking "You know mine right?" with mock sincerity.

He chuckled before saying "Yes, yes I do."

You retracted your hand from the handshake and he put his down to the table while you flourished yours beside your head.

"You already know my name so, just in case, I'll specify that I'm in a group called (G)I-DLE." While doing this, your eyes found the most exposed camera and shot it a thumbs up. Chan glanced back at the camera and shot it his signature grin before turning back to you.

"Ah, ah that's good to know. I seem to have forgotten." He said, sarcasm drenching the words as he spoke. You let out a laugh, lacking in the mirth you wish it contained. But, starting over. Hopefully that'll be achievable.

Chan glanced down at the menu and spoke to fill the comfortable silence. "You're going to get the Jjajangmyeon, right? Still your favourite, right?"

Start over, my ass.

But still, you smiled and nodded. "Same for you then? They don't have watermelon on the menu, sorry." Your last sentence was filled with fake-sympathy, to which he returned a petulant glare back before chuckling.

"What a shame! I've always loved watermelon." He said, over-enthusiastically.

You mockingly sighed and shrugged your shoulders. "I know right! Heart-breaking." You then pouted your lip very zealously before you both started laughing. It felt nice to share a laugh and act as though the past two years had never happened and as though he'd never shattered your heart and then never talked to you again.

But that was in the past, you'd been the one not even five minutes ago to suggest starting over. And, while you'd never suggest starting over and forgetting (the word left a bitter residue at the back of your throat) what had happened if not for the current circumstances of needing to be civil until the cameras turned off, after Chan's initial hesitance to start over he seemed happier to be able to move on and hold a conversation.

He opened his mouth, the sound of his lips parting drawing your attention back to him, and started to speak.

"Do you- D'ya still have-..." He hung his head down for a second as though to gather himself before starting his statement again.

"Do you still have the watermelon lip gloss?" He seemed to come back to himself after he finished the question and hurried to keep talking.

"It always looked really nice when I'd see it, and we were just talking about watermelon! So- uh yeah... so I was just wondering." You paused and did a quick check around the room. God, he was making this harder than it needed to be.

"I uhh- I burned it." You quickly responded while looking at anywhere than him. The silence in the room was prevalent and you refused to look at him.

The guttural laugh that escaped him sounded harshly against the walls and if it wasn't for the shocked look on his face at his reaction, you would've questioned if it was sarcastic. In turn, his face made you laugh and soon it divulged into you struggling to breath and him resting the full top half of his body against the table, his head buried in his arms. It was nice to sit here and laugh at both his and your ridiculousness.

When you finally risked a glance at him, snuffling the remaining giggles into your sleeve, you saw him wiping small tears from the corners of his eyes.

"In my defence," you started. "Soyeon said it would be cathartic."

"Was it?" He asked, trying to reel his laughter in.

"Mildly." You offered before you made eye contact again and you both launched into uncontrollable laughter.

The only thing that stopped you was the opening of the door which had you clearing your throat and straightening up as a man dressed as a waiter brought over two dishes which contained Jjajangmyeon. A silent reminder that you were probably already the most interesting couple this season.

He placed the dishes in front of you before making for the door. You spared a glance at Chan to find him already looking at you, and you shared a smile. A smile that was once again interrupted by the same waiter pouring both of you a glass of wine.

You waited until he left the room to start giggling again. Chan picked up his wine glass and held it in your direction. In turn, you picked yours up and clinked them together.

A cheers to a hopefully peaceful dinner. And future.

[ecoamerica]

Watch the 2024 American Climate Leadership Awards for High School Students now: https://youtu.be/5C-bb9PoRLc

The recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by student climate leaders! Join Aishah-Nyeta Brown & Jerome Foster II and be inspired by student climate leaders as we recognize the High School Student finalists. Watch now to find out which student received the $25,000 grand prize and top recognition!

[2n2n]

ch. 110

brutality, no survivors.... incredible suffering for the girlies (you, me, JP twitter)

and here I thought shenanigans would continue... this promo image was an immediate punch at 6AM

and yet this was all things considered the easy part...? ugh, but... please a moment to drink it in... all of my beliefs in the true power exchange... it's so satisfying to see it like this. it's easy, simple to still Tsukasa, isn't it... towering, presiding older brother.... his joudai trailing... touch your seal... the virtue by which you are kept safe, kept his. Poor Tsukasa. covetous object...!

a rascal....! uhh I love pocket-sanding Akane with old man parts ... amazing technique ahaha, Tsukasa knows how to make people lose focus huh? he's in such a good mood isn't he~ not as resentful as he was towards Mirai pestering him...

mirai explode lol.... I can't say I feel much personally, I guessed she might do this ... it's sweet of her to protect Akane, but I can't think much of it, beyond what it contributes to how we should feel about her. Noble rat after all? not so dumb as Akane had said before?

Mirai holding the yorishiro makes sense, for why she's typically locked in their boundary without any freedom. sure... easy. another key to haunt us! more keys why NOT

I like to see Natsuhiko being cool like this ... ♥

but this is so interesting...

I'm never sure how much Mitsuba really understood about the Broadcast club's greater plans... I wonder if Natsuhiko is being literal here, and Mitsuba DID know what he had to do, but had settled on his suicidal ennui.... ah, having to analyze your life for something precious is grim... he has an issue of not appreciating what he has while he has it, and being unable to state it...

.... and there's nobody to correct him. This is such a manga about... 'reasons'....

among the things even possible.. that poor keychain was destroyed. I wonder if there were a few things going on in Mitsuba's mind even then...

I really like... that mysteries, kaii need something anchoring them... I like that it's not enough, to exist... I like that the body naturally dilapidates, 'wants' to move on or become something else. It's a great metaphor....! In this manga... the most important thing, is loving something. If you don't love something, you can't stay alive. You won't....

I'm still wondering if the original thing Kou gave Mitsuba back in vol. 7 will ever come back around... or if it just gave him a complex or curiosity about the 'old' Mitsuba (who he snoops on in PP after this, so....) ... and can't itself be precious so much as worming...

anyhow... I like this turn of events, but it is so shocking we're stacking handling No. 3 and also No. 1!!!! I can't believe it!!!! IT'S ALL HAPPENINGGGG?????!?!? We haven't stacked mysteries like this before ~~!!!! It's so exciting.... I like Natsuhiko a lot in all of this ♥ I don't know... like with Tsukasa and Mitsuba, I believe him that he found it all charming in its own way, and that he wanted to offer what he could to Mitsuba for the timebeing. It's not as if there are other options, here... Mitsuba... really was never doing the things that needed to be done.... or letting others know what he needed to do.

I suppose Natsuhiko could wake up Kou to watch this if he wanted, but I find it much funnier if Kou just has to wake up at the end of this and Mitsuba is eradicated... lol...

can't say I really understand Teru's position about the mysteries...

you understand the mysteries are a kind of structural pillar for this region, but the pressure that was weighing on Hanako at least seemed to be the Minamoto ... it was that imperative the Broadcast Club's been taking advantage of. The rumors created an excuse to justify the sense of mistrust in the mysteries. But I'll never quite know what Teru is even capable of ... since he shouldn't be able to touch yorishiro ... but directly threatens to exorcize mysteries. Can you have extant yorishiro without the mysteries utilizing them.... ??? Well, I just don't understand it yet.... must put it aside.

back to what really matters...

I love how peaceful, relieved, serene he looks here.... finally, you've been so patient, Tsukasa... every little step of this has taken so long.... holding the last yorishiro in your hands... trusting Amane to handle you, after... it must feel good. The end in sight....

I really love this reach for Amane's knife...

back in this position, are we?

ah.... poor Amane. For a moment... I appreciate what he's trying to do, here. He sounds patient... he sounds like an older brother. Explaining so cleanly...

you want to be sure Tsukasa understands... maybe you think-- he hasn't thought this through, or he doesn't get the consequences, he's being childish, or reckless, maybe he's misunderstood how it happened before ... I love to hear Amane, say something so direct as... won't see you again.... won't be able to save you ... everything he did last time! to ensure... that you wouldn't be apart! the binding of their souls! tying Tsukasa down to him like a ship in a storm! protection, mooring... keeping you, where he can see you! remaining together, at all costs! that's important to you too, right, Tsukasa? don't you want to see each other?

it's as if you're saying you don't want to be together, don't want to be saved... what do we do with people who don't ask you to save them? why must they insist on leaving you behind?

Mitsuba won't ask Kou to save him. Sumire wouldn't ask Hakubo to save her. Aoi didn't want Akane to save her. I wonder if Tsukasa didn't ask Amane to save him, but Amane did it anyway... her certainly wasn't asking for a hero in the Red House, or to live on coming back.

it's a kind of rejection, isn't it? When someone is so ambivalent about the life you love so much... the life you want with them... it's as if they're saying, "I don't want to be with you enough to live for you."

Of course, every time, they're really saying ... "I just don't know what I mean to you." Mitsuba doesn't feel valuable to Kou; only a replacement, a reminder of something he once cared about. Best to give up. Sumire imagined Hakubo was only placating her, and could only wish not for his earnest sadness, but for him to pretend to be sad for her. Best to let death happen. and Aoi didn't feel Akane knew the real her, imagined he would reject the real Aoi, only in love with his grand projection of her. Best to step away now.

Of course, Tsukasa thought his brother hated him, so...

It all feels so simple and logical! It's saving trouble, right?

Amane made such a gesture last time... in their shinjuu... he tried, he really tried, to say something ... to Tsukasa.

but, the message didn't go through...

but I can only be so sympathetic to Amane, as he's an incredible hypocrite. Of course, Amane has put Nene-chan through everything Tsukasa puts him through.

You also try to grant your beloved a wish for a future that explicitly doesn't involve you, and make her feel rejected, abandoned, given no choice...

Amane...

oh, Yugi twins....

.... why can't you understand when you're precious? Why can't you understand how bad it hurts, to abandon somebody? Amane-chan really suffered without you, Tsukasa. You're always the one leaving him, and getting to feel sacrificial about it. He's trying to tie you down....

.... it's a natural response... to lash out. Rejected... misunderstood... abandoned... why is Tsukasa asking you to give up on him? Why can't he understand, even with that seal on his cheek... even as you died with him....

兄の思いは届かず…

I really love that for the chapter's end.

Amane's feelings never did reach Tsukasa. It wasn't understood, what he had tried to do, his sadness now. But... Amaneeeee....

maybe you could use a taste of your own medicine....

we think we know just how to make someone else's wish come true, don't we?

isn't it such an insult! WHY!!!!!! """"WHY""""""??????

..... I'm out of images, so I'll continue in a reblog, for a couple more thoughts I'm having ....

but for this post... ahhhh. It's unbelievable we're at least starting to tackle... this. I feel bad for Amane, I really do... I feel bad for Tsukasa, too. It's hard to not hurt someone you love ... in an attempt to only hurt yourself. If we hurt ourselves, we hurt the thing our lover adores ... we spit on their love for us.

I can understand why and how Amane can say "I hate you" ... to Tsukasa. As much as Akane could childishly say it to Aoi ... and you know, it is that same unimaginable love which makes it possible. Years of familiarity, it makes you more liable to lash out. There is such a greater sense of betrayal, when you've expended so much effort... when you try so hard for someone... when you're in so much pain about them....! After all I've done... you CAN'T say this or that to me.... etc, etc! Those intense emotions... can make you feel entitled, to never be hurt... you can't hurt me, after all I've hurt for you!

and I do think it's being said extremely childishly... daikirai... he's just, unable to be any more constructive with his feelings, he's so... hurt, mad. As much as Nene-chan is so mad, hearing Hanako spit on all of her efforts she made to reach him... BIG SLAP!!!

Amane, he's maybe endured 50 years of effort and an awful lot of physical suffering for Tsukasa, and it's not gotten through... wwww! I'm sorry, I'm worried Tsukasa might have a PROFOUND amount of suicidal urge. Might be an uphill battle, Amane... you might just need to save Tsukasa because you are selfish, and you want him for yourself. There might be no easier reason ... to keep him by your side. We can't make Tsukasa beg to stay with you... but you won't beg him to stay, will you? I think that would actually do a lot of good, Amane... but you really won't do that....

meanwhile, I love the juxtaposition of Nene-chan's incredibly childish DAI DAI DAISUKIII and this daikirai lol... we all have big feelings don't we lol....! well...

[f0point5]

Honestly, as a woman I have to say it is very interesting to me how different people have handled the Christian Horner investigation compared to the allegations against Susie Wolff a while back for example.

Bc I remember the outrage online for the Susie one was big and people were crying misogyny so bad the FIA finished/dropped their investigation after one (1) day and everyone was happy.

Christian was investigated by an independent investigator hired by the RedBull company not RedBull Racing. He was, supposedly, interrogated for 8 hours and investigated for weeks. Now the investigation has exonerated him but people will still rather believe rumors they read in a newspaper than the official result.

I myself am a little disappointed by the lack of transparency by RedBull but the hypocrisy in this is astounding.

I think society really has slipped too far into “believe all victims”. Because there was never even a confirmed victim. And people were still there with pitchforks.

As a woman, I feel bad for Christian’s wife, and his kids. He’s got daughters old enough to understand what people have been saying about their father, based on absolutely nothing. No one thinks about those women.

No one thinks about the fact that if every time a female makes a complaint about something, people just to accusing the guy of sexual misconduct, that it sets the precedent that women in the workplace are only to be sexualised. Or the fact that if every time a woman makes a complaint, a man is convicted in the court of public opinion before there’s any evidence (only to be acquitted when it turns out it was a rumour) it sets the precedent that these claims can very rarely be taken seriously. Or the fact that assuming any sexual misconduct in the office is entirely harassment by the man, infantilises and patronises women in the workplace. People are so quick to protect “victims” that they end up creating them out of thin air.

As much as I’d have liked to know the whole story, I think it’s good that Red Bull is not bowing to pressure to release details. They don’t owe anyone transparency. That employee filed a complaint with their employer, they didn’t call de telegraaf to make accusations. They didn’t go on TikTok to make this news. Their privacy should be protected. As should Christian’s. This is a company, not a government, they don’t answer to F1 Twitter. People have got way too comfortable demanding information they are not entitled to when it comes to “public figures”, especially in this sport. Good for Red Bull for reminding the mob of their place. (I do agree that Theresa certain amount of hypocrisy because I think they leaked the investigation themselves, but I have no proof of that and I think that it’s the best decision to give this the privacy it should have had all along)

[myoddessy]

bbgggg 😩😩😩 i got asked to do a fic for simon about him and reader babysitting olive ages ago and i really want to write it! but the inspo is slippin!!! 🍪 think you could do a lil HC for me i could base it on? help get it back in the works?! be my inspo?! 🥹👉🏼👈🏼 i cannot think of a thinggggg without repeating myself xx

if not, literally do not worry!! i just thought you’d be perfect for coming up w/ cute lil scenarios !! 🫶🏼😙

omg of course!! I am a Simon lover until I die. hope u like it babe 💞💞💞

the first thing that came to my mind was the intense baby fever you'd be getting because our boy is so lanky and baby olive just looks so small curled up in his arms and ugh!!! him!!

I feel like it would take him a bit of time to properly warm up to the whole role of caretaker while babysitting—not because he's afraid, okay maybe he's a bit afraid, but mostly because of how ecstatic you were when faith asked you both to mind olive, he didn't want to get in the way of your plans

once he does warm up to her, and once she warms up to him because I can def imagine her clinging onto you and not really wanting to be passed to Simon (he'd start to get a bit jealous bcs he suddenly really wants to hold her), they would be inseparable! he'd be so good with her, I just know it

as much as he loves you and olive, he doesn't love either of you enough to take on the job of changing her nappy, that's for you and you only I'm afraid 💔

okay but imagine if you're babysitting the day after he had to pull an all-nighter for some video and he ends up falling asleep on the couch with olive asleep on his chest!! the way you'd nearly start crying on the spot. Instagram and every group chat known to man saw the pictures you took in that moment at least a thousand times

this isn't really centered around Simon but I can see faith having planned you both to babysit pretty early in olive's life so that you'd get baby fever too and you'd end up having a kid too 😭 so I just know she'd be doing a little celebration whenever you take her an update, clinging onto ethan's arm and shaking him "She's becoming one of us!!!!!"

if you're a youtuber/content creator, you'd definitely make a video about the experience and while you'd want to make the thumbnail and title sweet, Simon would peer pressure you into over the top clickbait.

WE MINDED BABY BEHZ, GONE WRONG!! *insert thumbnail of a baby doll being flung off a roof*

comments on the video call you a milf and Simon likes them and you trend on twitter for a little bit while people speculate on if you're actually pregnant

I feel like Simon would've gone in with the intent of working you down from your baby fever but the second you sat in the car on the way home he's like "wouldn't it be so funny if we had a kid?" 👀 sideyeing you the whole time for your reaction

both of your lockscreens are now pictures of the two of you and olive

overall, 10/10 babysitters and faith will be conta ting you anytime she needs someone to mind the baby

[roo-bastmoon]

Fractured and Adrift

I was going to write a big huge post with lots of screen shots and chart data and analysis that I'd saved on my phone, but honestly I'm too sick right now to sit up and organize all that. If you go on twitter, you see in real time what is happening, anyway.

Bottom lines:

it's very clear to me that ads, payola, pay to play, vpn and other "networking" tactics that go against what BTS has always been about have pretty much come into play--for a catchy, but ultimately impersonal and generic, pop single that was given to only one member.

I'm not just disappointed, I'm gutted. I don't know where to go from here, as someone who used to take pride in being an ARMY and stanning artists who made it to the top the organic and hard way, by being genuine and talented and real with us.

As always, I look to my ult-bias, Jimin. His debut album was abandoned the moment he hit #1, yet he continues on with this company and to be a team player. He was with JK on private time during a couple's holiday. He's been filmed with and is likely working on some sort of project with JK right now. These are my cues. So without any further information about what is happening, I will continue to follow Jimin's lead.

I am a person who believes in the potential and the very best of others until I just can't any more. But I also cannot hide from the glaringly obvious. Jimin was mistreated, and Jungkook was prioritized in ways I personally find dishonorable.

I don't know how much, if any, input JK had in this. He's got a Masters in Communications, a decade of industry experience, and owns stock in his company; but I also know that talent are very rarely given complete insight or say over sales and marketing strategies--that's external, executive business decisions. I don't know what conversations, trade-offs, or internal pressure came into play here.

At this point, I would say I'm very adrift.

I'm a good soldier. I bought the CD, I bought each version of the song, I added it to my playlists. But I no longer feel needed as a fan for Seven; I feel replaced by Scooter's dollars. And I don't feel any personal connection to this particular song, as catchy as it is. I was excited when the styles JK helped choose seemed to be an homage to Jimin's Face, but... now a lot of the elements of this work seem rushed and disjointed. I just don't know.

I'm very worried about what this rollout means for our 7, especially how they are supposed to come together in a fair and equitable way after military service. I'm trying to read through their book when I can stay awake long enough. Trying to trust and hope and manifest the best.

I wish there was more transparency, more communications around what the game plan is, and if the members are all on board with everything.

All I can think to do is to keep loving Jimin and the people who are good to Jimin, keep working hard for what I want and not invest energy and time into what I don't. I do believe that Jungkook and Jimin love one another.

But I'm... fracturing... inside. It hurts.

I'm very ill. Maybe I'm just too emotional right now because I'm so sickly. Maybe I just need more time and more data to have a more rational perspective.

All I can think to do is hang in there and wait to be more anchored in facts before I can decide what all this means--for Jikook, for BTS.

I'm sorry if this post isn't very coherent. I'm on a bunch of steroids until I can get to a specialist and the brain fog is immense. I'm gonna go rest now. I think I might stop posting memes and thirsts and other things for a bit, while I just focus on getting well. But I'm sending you all so much love.

Hang in there. Deep breaths. We will find our way. We will make our way, if necessary.

[koroart]

Fucking love your art, especially your Dad Lambert/Lives stuff. Thank you for feeding us with your art. I mostly follow you on Twitter but wanted to ask here if you could spare Lambert Lives thoughts/brainworms? 👉👈 no pressure ofc!

*walks in with a Starbucks and hands you one too*

Wow, I got to answering this SO LATE and I'm SO SORRY DX

But I appreciate the love everyone gives my Dadbert stuff, it makes me so so happy qwq ✨️💖💕

Now for some brain worms! Some of this au I worked on with a friend and those talks definitely became a lot of my hcs too , so !! I'll try my best to articulate!

First and foremost, Lambert survives Duscur and I know in some of my art he has an eyepatch and some don't-- and I'm up in the air about that bit. But what he does have is a gnarly scar around his neck from where they had tried to cut his head off but they missed.

When it comes to Dedue and the like, I'm still trying to work on that -- because I know his people were attacked some time after the Tragedy and seeing how Lambert survived -- I think it would still happen and Dedue would be taken under Lambert's care ( because Dimitri still wound up hurt from protecting Dedue ) but it'll still get too complicated if I try to explain it here so we'll leave it at that for now.

The AU more-or-less follows the Hopes timeline instead of 3H ( the politics in Hopes were better explained and a little easier to follow than 3Houses )

Lambert, here is the one to execute Rufus instead, especially after he finds out his brother's involvement. Their relationship to me was always cold , especially as they got older ( at one point, they did get along, but once Rufus learned he was not to be named heir , he started treating Lambert coldly and Lambert kept reaching out but eventually let the bridge burn once he realized Rufus had no intention on reaching back ). Like Dimitri did , Lambert did show hesitancy in executing Rufus but it didn't last long -- because at this point , Lambert began to harden his heart-- not for himself but for his kingdom and for the safety of his son.

It hit him hard when he learned of Anselma's involvement as well, and after that, he swore off love and never took on another spouse. He puts raising his son first as well as maintaining his Kingdom.

He and Dimitri definitely are, of course, traumatized from the ordeal -- and Lambert more so, becoming quite a bit paranoid and protective of his son , not wanting Dimitri out of his sights for a time. Dimitri himself becomes a little more clingy , which can't be faulted , as he nearly lost his father. Eventually, they come out of it, and Lambert allows Dimitri more freedoms again ( especially after dealing with Rufus ) and Dimitri, likewise, eases away from being dependent on his father and focuses on his training again.

In the first few months after the Tragedy and dealing with Keilman, Dimitri used to sleep in Lambert's room because of the frequent nightmares that plagued him ( Lambert too was plagued with them and it eased his conscious better when he knew his son was with him ) after some time passed , Dimitri stopped sleeping in Lambert's room as he got older ( closer to Academy age ) but when he did have nightmares still , he'd go but instead of asking to sleep there -- the two of them would have tea and talk about the nightmares and work through it together, sometimes Dimitri ends up falling asleep there but most of the time, when he feels better and confident enough -- he would go back to his room.

Just aaaahh there's a lot more and i don't want to make this too long but !! That's what I got!

[personasintro]

I saw this pic on twitter and instantly thought on the immature people that keep complaining about the updates

It's easy to sit and just read the long ass chapters and then complain when the updates are not as fast as they want them to be, those people obviously don't know how much of your time it takes to write, even only how much it takes to imagine how the chapter will go on or maybe as you're writing it you came up with a better idea and start re-writing - all of that doing it for free while also having an adult life where you have a full time job to maintain and deal with your own shit as any other normal person - so, Mimi for what might be the 100th time I thank you for dedicating your spare time not only to write amazing chapters but also to respond so many of our asks. You don't have any obligation towards us but you do it any way.

A word of advice, don't even waste your time on responding anymore to the ones complaining. Haters gonna hate, that's what they know how to do better and I think it's the best not to give them any entity!

As always, lots of love for u and I hope your job life is getting a little less stressful for u 💜🙆🏼‍♀️

Yeah you’re right! I could spend an entire day describing different situations that affect the writing process 😪 I’ve never felt this type of pressure and demand until like these 2 years. I am exhausted and messages like those ones are not helping. I can’t help it. I just had enough and I don’t have any control over it. I feel like after 2 years of constantly having ppl shitting all over you and ruining any sort of joy and excitement, this was bound to happen.

Luckily I still have amazing readers and I guess it’s a part of having a huge story out.

Thank you 🫂🩵

[hannieehaee]

NO SONG WITHOUT YOU (teaser)

18+ / mdi

summary: with zero experience or interest in the romantic aspect of his life, jihoon finds himself in an unexpected situation when his company decides on a collab between the two of you, not expecting the work-addicted producer to develop a bit of a crush on you.

content: idol!jihoon x idol!reader, afab reader, pining, jihoon's emotionally constipated, jihoon's pov, some angst, misunderstandings, kinda inexperienced jihoon, smut, dry humping, oral (m receiving), penetrative sex, etc.

(^ no actual content warnings in the teaser)

wc: 782 in this teaser; 10k+ in the final ver

release date: 12/7/23

update: FULL FIC HERE

a/n: so happy to have finally written a long fic for jihoon!! he's one of my biases so i had a lot of fun writing him :D hope u guys enjoy the final product <3

masterlist

Jihoon was tired.

Beyond tired, actually. He couldn't remember the last time he'd left his studio at a reasonable time. He knew people on twitter made jokes about him being a bit of a hermit, with fans being able to spot his studio from outside the building, lights always on and indicating the producer was still inside.

He didn't have much of a valid excuse for this, other than being a 'workaholic', or at least that's the term Joshua had recently introduced him to, describing him as the prime example. Jihoon just couldn't help himself. He'd been like this ever since he could remember. If he had an idea, he had to work on it. And unfortunately for him, he was always full of new ideas. If Seventeen was releasing an album, that meant Jihoon already had enough material to fill up the next three albums backed up in a file somewhere in his computer.

Despite always having music prepared months in advance, - even having solo music up for grabs for whichever member desired it - he still found himself constantly working. It's not like anyone demanded this out of him either. It was quite the opposite, actually. From staff, to other producers, to members and even family, everyone always insisted that he took a break, maybe leave producing aside for a month or two. This was inconceivable to him, it was something that was simply out of his comfort zone.

The truth was, Jihoon felt lost. Any time he strayed away from work in some way or other, he didn't know what to do with himself. He felt like a failure in many other aspects of his life. Granted, he was a successful idol and producer, talented in every area necessary in his field, but past that, what did he really have to offer? He'd been stuck in a rut for a few years now. He had his members, his family, maybe some staff, but his social life didn't go much past that. He didn't have many hobbies outside of work either. Sure, he was avid when exercising, even being an overachiever in that area, but that was also kind of part of his job. He knew he needed to step out of his comfort zone at some point and live his life, but he kept making excuses for himself. He was 26 now, and was, quite frankly, beginning to lose hope in certain areas of his life due to his career - although blaming his career was just an excuse, really - the romantic aspect of his life being one of them.

Jihoon had some experience, okay? It wasn't like he'd never liked a girl before. He'd had a few crushes in elementary, maybe even some up until high school. He'd kissed one of the female trainees back when Pledis was a smaller company (okay, it might've been on a dare, but to Jihoon it counted). A few years after debuting he'd even gone on a few dates with a former staff member from his company. He'd lost his virginity to that same girl, kind of rushing into it due to feeling pressured to just get it over with - something he didn't exactly regret, but wished had been more of a memorable moment. The point was, Jihoon had had a few romantic experiences in his past 26 years on this earth. But, he hadn't ever even gotten close to find that one great love he'd hoped he one day would. For someone who received constant accolades for his lyricism, he was never really able to relate to his own music. He'd never been heartbroken, never had an insane need for someone, never felt romantic love, never been in the throes of passion with a beautiful girl, even. It was all his imagination. His lyrics, that is. And maybe the rest, if he was being honest. He'd dreamt about it lately; the perfect girl who he'd find and sweep off her feet. But that was all it was, a dream.

So, Jihoon was tired. Tired of hauling himself up in his studio to make himself feel something. But that was where he now found himself; stuck and in a rut, hoping for something more.

[acesofspadess]

Red or Black... Good or Bad

a/n: grab your tissues....

September 2011

Sitting there backstage at the same studio you were in a year ago for the X-Factor was mind-blowing. You were all backstage goofing around when Liam noticed his photo. “My birthmarks gone.” he showed the camera. You looked to where he was pointing and then at his. “The harsh land of the celebrity world.”

“Awe, I liked your birthmark Li. It's so cute” you pouted, taking a sharpie and drawing a little spot where his birthmark would be. He thanked you with a little laugh and when you went back to doing your hair you saw Niall and Harry pouting.

You turned towards them, making them smile. "I think you two are cute as well.” you sent them a kiss and turned back around, missing the teasing kisses Louis and Zayn were sending to Harry and Niall who flushed red.

Show time was getting closer and the nerves were starting to settle in. 

‘I think we were all a little nervous. We’ve never choreographed something before, we’d never done anything like that, we just used to go with the flow.’

-

‘It was a bit nerve wracking for me because this is the first time we’ve done all of this choreography before solos, and me and Harry have that middle Solo which is a pain in the arse. “

-

“It was a really high tempo performance and then we had our solo so we really had to try and limit ourselves.”

-

“The pressure on them was quite high. They were both pretty nervous about that part in the song anyway, because everything cuts out and then it's really kind of emotional little moment for them both. So he and Bunny- Autumn had to keep their breath and they were both very nervous.”

-

“You know, we’ll be alright. We’ve got this Bear.” Harry spoke to you on the other side of the camera. “Hopefully.” You said coming around to the other side of the camera. “No, we'll be fine.”

“But when it came to the performance, basically I thought about it too much, and I think that psyched Autumn out.”

"Lets just go out there and make everyone proud." Louis spoke to the you guys as you all hand your hands in the middle of the circle.

The performance was going great. It was only when you started walking down stage that you felt like throwing up.

Baby you light up my world like nobody else

The way you that flip your hair makes me overwhelmed

But when you smile at the ground it aint hard tell 

And you both lost it shaking your heads before your last line. It was a well known fact that you, Niall, and Harry fed off each other, so when you and Harry were both nervous wrecks it doubled and you couldn't do it.

-

“I knew, even when I looked across to them during the performance after them, that they just weren’t themselves. It was really horrible for me to watch cause like as a friend I kind of want to do something but I could hardly walk over to them in the performance and go ‘are you alright?” 

-

“When it came to it they didn’t take enough breath and they psyched each other out. They’ve got incredible voices which is why they were given this part, they know what they're doing. They thought they let everyone down and they didn't.”

-

You and Harry sat together during your interview

“It was a wake up call for me-”

“For us”

“It was my lowest point and-” you let out a shaky breath.

-

“The point after the performance we were all really really happy but you could tell that Autumn and Harry were upset. They sat there quietly in the car.”

-

“They were texting, probably each other, his mom, her best friend. They were just saying ‘I'm really not happy with my performance and I've let them down. Autumn is probably the one I'm closest with and seeing her like that- that's my ladybug, and it was really upsetting seeing her like that.”

-

“Autumn and Harry take that thing to heart.  They're the people- they don’t like to read what's said about them, but they do in a way, and they went on twitter- together- and just read what everyone is saying. 

-

“It was one of those times where you're feeling a bit sorry for yourself so you're looking  for bad comments to kind of make sure that you're right about it being bad.”

“So that night in our room, we went online and had a look at what people were saying about us.” 

-

“The stuff they were saying about them was just disgusting. No one wants to read that stuff about themselves no matter who they are.”

-

“I actually went on my phone and we searched for- we typed in Harry and Autumn shit.”

“And we just read them all. There was no amount of comfort we could have given each other to ease the pain and-” you cut yourself off another shaky breath and a chuckle in pure self loathing. You looked up at Harry to see his eyes clouded over as well, a single tear falling down his cheek that you wiped away.

“We just read a massive list of these comments.”

-

“It's quite frustrating cause when I tried to comfort them after the performance. There was nothing I could say to my best friends to make that much of a difference. I really wanted to do something for my friends but I couldn't.

-

“When you read through for example, your twitter, if there's three people saying you're amazing, you don’t think ‘why are they saying im amazing?’ they're saying that because they’re fans. But-”

“But when they say that they hate you, it’s why do you hate me? What have i- what have we done? We can take criticism, but this-” you chuckled exasperatedly

“We’ve always spoken about not being the people that care about what others thought about them.”

You both sat there, heads leaning against each other and tears streaming in silence.

“But,” you sniffled, lifting your heads up to rest against his forehead and holding his cheek, thumb brushing against the tears. “I just don't think we are.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

cried writing this

tags:

@youcan-nolonger-run @ravenclawdirectioner

@luxiorchive  @superlegend216

[your-sweetest-nightmares-blog]

My predictions on what the human souls’s digital forms may represent.

Pomni - She may feel like or be seen as a fool, hence her being a jester. Perhaps she was bullied in school or at work? Or maybe she has self-esteem issues? Also, I’m not sure why, but she gives me “has an anxiety disorder” vibes. Or maybe she’s just a timid person idk.

Ragatha - She’s a rag doll, so maybe she’s been used/toyed with by others. Her confirmed tendency to hide her emotions behind a happy front and “[say] things she doesn’t necessarily mean if she thinks it’ll ease tensions” would be ideal to take advantage of. Her being a doll also makes sense when you take into account that dolls can be sources of comfort for people, and she seems to be putting herself under the pressure of “taking care” of others over herself.

Kinger - Before the pilot came out, I pondered the role of the king chess piece (it must be protected from the other chess pieces) and the best theory I could come up with was that Kinger is a jumpy chess piece because he may have been assaulted before arriving in the circus. However, I was iffy about this idea because it felt improbable to me. After watching the pilot, I got the feeling that this theory is probably not the case, but I do subscribe to the theory from other fans that Kinger worked on the TADC video game in the real world and that’s why he knows so much about the digital world and speaks of insect collections (like a developer who’s looking for bugs.)

Jax - My guess is that he was pushed around when he was younger and treated as the “runt of the litter”, so to speak. Rabbits are often considered weaklings and prey — maybe he was treated as such by others? This might also explain why he behaves the way he does; he seems like the kind of guy who became a bully because he was bullied. Of course, there’s also the possibility that he’s an asshole by nature rather than nurture, tbh.

Gangle - She has a comedy mask and a tragedy mask to emote with — my best guess is that she has depression. With this interpretation, her tragedy mask could represent her depression and her comedy mask could represent her masking her feelings and behavior. And I know it was likely just a joke, but remember when the text above Gangle’s introduction on Glitch Productions’ Twitter said that she was a metaphor for “society or something I dunno”? What if she’s a metaphor for how society treats mental illnesses and the people who suffer from them? Again, this probably isn’t the case, but it’s the best I can come up with right now.

Zooble - My guess is that they are going through an identity crisis. Their body is made up of a cluster of different parts and it’s hard to describe exactly what kind of creature they are. The closest thing I could describe them as is one of those mix-and-match toys. When asked about Zooble’s pronouns, Gooseworx responded with, “We’ll never know…”, and when asked about Zooble’s gender identity, she said, “Zooble is Zooble.” Again, these simply could have been jokes, or they could have been serious. If it does end up being true, then maybe Zooble’s gender will be a part of their identity crisis. Also, I remember seeing Goose say that “not even Zooble knows what they are”, but I can’t find it now. 💀

Kaufmo - Perhaps he didn’t think he was funny/interesting/successful enough? Hell if I know. We only saw him when he had already abstracted. Maybe we’ll get a flashback or two of him in the future?

[bangtaninborderland]

𝘗𝘑𝘔: 𝘛𝘳𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘔𝘦

𝙎𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮: Jimin asks for your trust once more and this time you give it to him. Inspired by this video.

Genre: Fluff, angst, minor smut / smut references.

Warnings: smut - angst.

A/N: I really worked so hard on this please share your thoughts, I’m happy to take requests and drabbles based on this couple. Thank you so much for all the love you have shared on the first two chapters, the response was overwhelmingly beautiful I’m so glad 300 of you have enjoyed it enough to like it!

Taglist: @filtrmin @blairtann @parkjiminlovies

Previous chapter ⇐ | next chapter ⇒

A month had passed since the incident between you and Jimin and despite how scared you felt that night things had been better since. He had been around more as the members finally had a break and for the first time it fell right on your birthday.

For the past week Jimin had been obsessing over it, making sure you got to celebrate it together, every day he would bring you something home. He said your actual gift would arrive the day after your birthday, you’d lost track of how many times he had apologised even though you’d told him it was fine.

In all honesty the best gift was him.

You hear the door close which can only mean one thing, he is home. You rush down the stairs leaving your paperwork all over the desk, that could wait.

“Hey baby.” He chucked wrapping his arms around you, placing a kiss delicately upon your forehead.

“How was practice?” You look up at him through your lashes, even though they had a week off Jimin said they still had to practice at least once just to get the new choreography right.

He brushes a loose hair from your face. “It wasn’t as good as being with you.”

“Okay okay I missed you too.” You release him and make your way to the kitchen.

You hear him pull the chair out as you finish cooking the dinner you had started some hours earlier.

You turn to him only to see his eyes fixed on you making you blush. “Did you eat already?”

“No I thought we could eat dinner together today.” He smiles.

“I tried to make it as healthy as I could just in case.” You explain showing him the vegetables and kimchi you had prepared.

You feel his arms link around your waist as his head rests on your shoulder. “You didn’t have to do that I would have ate anything you made.”

You giggle at the way he grows so clingy, you wouldn’t think he was nearly 28. “I know even on a break you like to try and keep your body perfect. How comes you didn’t eat breakfast this morning?”

“I didn’t want to be late.” He humms.

You knew Jimin which is why you knew he was lying about that.

“Jimin.” You feel his hands fall from your waist as you turn towards him.

“Jagiya.” He winks but his usual distraction methods won’t work this time.

You wave the chopsticks you was using to stir the food at him. “Don’t Jagiya me, why didn’t you eat.”

“You know I can’t gain too much weight on this break.” You watch as his gaze drops to the floor.

“Jimin you won’t gain weight by eating more than one meal daily, you do more cardio than the whole of South Korea put together.” You walk over to him grabbing his hand.

You know how much pressure not only him but all of the members face to be perfect but even so his words still make you feel sorry.

“I see some posts, a lot of posts. They were saying I had gotten fat, that I looked like a chubby kid again. I don’t want army to see me that way, I don’t want people to think like that.”

You place your hands on his face, making him look at you. “You are not fat, you are not Chubby and you are not a kid. Have you ever actually looked at the comments army gives you?”

You watch as he shakes his head and you let out a sigh. “Stay here.”

You head up the stairs, grabbing your phone from the desk you had abandoned earlier. You was going to show him a side of social media he had most likely not taken much notice of.

“What’s that?” He asks pointing to your phone screen.

You blank face him, making him laugh. “Twitter.”

“You use Twitter?” He asks raising an eyebrow as you lean against the counter next to him.

“I use Twitter to see videos of my boyfriend when he gets too busy working hard making millions of people happy.” You correct him.

“Upload a selfie.” You tell him.

He pulls out his phone opening Instagram “Why?”

“I mean on Twitter.” You laugh however that stops as you watch his eyes widen.

“I kind of deleted it, none of the other members post their much either.” He explains.

“I can’t believe you, instagram will do.”

You watch in silence next to him as he uploads a selfie he had sent you days before, you always love that you get to see pictures of him before they get posted, even though everyone knows most things about him you still have that small piece of him that’s only for you.

“Done.” He shows you, you read the caption that read “missing my Ami already.”

“Okay now watch.” You refresh the Twitter app on your phone.

You hand him the phone “Scroll through the timeline.”

He shakes his head before finally accepting and scrolling through. Thousands of people reacting to his newest upload had already started and watch as his face shows a vary of expressions, shocked, happy, confused.

“They really think all these things about me?” He asks looking up at you with tears in his eyes.

“Every single time you post a picture, a live, any content, that’s the way my Twitter looks. There’s always hundreds of these posts called threads that show people’s favourite moments of yours and it’s always about the words you say. The speech you gave “someone in seoul..” do you remember it?” You ask him and he nods.

“Hundreds of people post that and say they are having a bad day but that makes them happy. Your impact on these people go far beyond the way you look.” You watch as small tears stroll down his face, you brushing them away.

“Thank you for showing me this.” He smiles kissing you to which you reciprocate.

“You’re welcome, now let’s eat okay pretty boy?” You ask him making him laugh.

He nods at you, his eyes flicking down to your phone screen once more. You turn back to him as he calls your name.

“Why are they saying I probably have the prettiest cock?” He asks, making your face go red.

You rush to grab the phone from him but he holds it above your head and continues scrolling reading out the comments.

“Jimin looks so good Id let him use me.” “Jimin could just look at me and I’d orgasm.” “I’d throw myself in front of a bus to have jimin touch me once.” “Waking up to jimin must be the most amazing thing ever.” “Jimin knows he is going to drive us all insane.”

“Stop it.” You whine reaching for the phone.

You’re thankful when he stops teasing and hands it back to you. “So those are the kind of posts you read when you miss me?” He asks in your ear.

“N-no.” You stutter, his body pressing against yours.

“Do I have the prettiest cock?” He asks, his shyness gone.

“Well..” you whisper.

You squeal as he lifts you up and places you on the counter surprising you. “I said do I have the prettiest cock or should I get it out and make you tell me?”

“You know you do.” You mumble, trying to hide your embarrassment.

“Good girl, next time don’t make me ask twice.” He wraps his hand around your neck as he kisses you roughly.

You can’t help but widen your legs allowing him to press himself against you.

“Jimin” you moan into his mouth.

He humms back too focused on kissing you.

“I want you.” You moan.

You watch as he pulls back, the hand around your neck loosening, falling to your lap instead. You push your hips up, your need for his touch becoming overwhelming.

He rubs his thumb over your pussy through your pants. You curse yourself for wearing sweats. “Let’s go to the room.” You whisper trying to pull him closer to you.

“Not yet baby.” He shakes his head his hand pulling away. “We both need to eat and it’s your birthday tomorrow.”

“You can be my gift.” You pout at him.

He runs his thumb over your lips. “Good girls don’t huff. Go clean up I’ll finish dinner.”

You want to roll your eyes at him but by now you know butter so with a sigh you jump off the counter and head to the bathroom.

You didn’t have a lot of time before dinner was cooked which meant having a bubble bath was out of the option so you settled for a shower. You didn’t realise how badly you needed one until the warm water trickled down your skin relaxing your muscles.

As comforting as it was you didn’t want to make jimin wait, you quickly washed yourself and your hair before hopping out and wrapping a towel around you, as always jimin had forgotten to hang the robes back up so you was forced to run across the apartment into your bedroom.

Jimins voice was faint but you could hear him talking on the phone, you never knew if it was business or personal and you never wanted to invade his privacy so you ignored it and continued getting dressed.

After throwing on one of his shirts and a pair of your shorts you headed back downstairs, you had hoped he would have finished with his call by now but he hadn’t so you waited in the hall, hoping not to disturb him.

As much as you had learned to ignore his calls you couldn’t help but pick up a few words, he didn’t sound happy.

“-I’m not lying to her.” Jimins voice shouted in a hush.

Only now did you wish you could hear the other person.

He sighed.“I get that but I’m doing this for her.”

“She won’t think of it as lying she thinks we was rehearing Hyung.” So he was talking to one of the members and he lied about being at rehearsal.

“I don’t want her to hear me I’ll call you when she goes to sleep, I don’t want her to have any idea.” You hear him hang up the phone and you quickly hide being the door as you see his head turning.

You leave it a few seconds before entering the room, not wanting to make it obvious that you had heard his call.

“Hey you.” You mumble taking a seat at the table.

You watch as he carries over the pot of food you had made. He places it in front of you with a smile as he hands you a bowl. “How was your shower?”

“It was okay.” You mumble, filling your bowl.

You see him sit down opposite you out of the corner of your eyes “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, so what was you rehearsing today?” You asked him, forcing a smile.

You watched as his hands froze for a second before he shook his head, adding more kimchi to his plate. “We practiced the choreography for idol. It has been a whilst since we did it last.”

“You only practiced one song in five hours?” You knew you had to fix your tone before you gave away that you had heard his call.

“You know what Namjoon Hyung and Jin Hyung are like, besides Jungkook kept making us laugh, we practiced Dionysus and Yet to come too. What did you do today?” He smiles at you picking up his chopsticks.

You noticed he changed the conversation but you let it go, you wanted to ask him what was really on your mind but you didn’t want to give him the wrong idea.

“I worked on some things, filled in some paperwork and sent some emails. I had a call from your eomma she asked if we would visit her soon so I told her that we could go on your next weekend off if that’s okay?” You look up at him but you see he isn’t focused on what your saying as his eyes are fixed to his phone screen.

“Uh yeah that sounds great.” You watch as his phone rings.

“I’ll be back in a moment finish eating.” He said tucking his chair in as he walks towards the stairs.

You watch him run up them only hearing him say hello to whoever was calling, your appetite had long gone so you tidied up your food and cleaned your plate. The sun hadn’t set completely yet so you decided to make the most of it and go for a walk.

“Jimin?” You call out but you get no response.

You groan but begin making your way up the stairs but the words you hear make you stop. Your heart drops and you feel the food you just ate coming back up. “She won’t be my girlfriend anymore.”

You silently run back down the stairs, you grab your phone and your shoes and head outside, Closing the door behind you silently.

You send jimin a text so he doesn’t worry, not that it matters if he is planning to break up with you.

To: jiminie.

“I’m going for a walk, didn’t want to interrupt. Be home soon 💜”

You attached his usual heart emoji so he didn’t think anything would be wrong but you cried as you pushed send, your heart aching at the thought of being without jimin.

You didn’t actually know where to go. You didn’t want to walk around and cry, you had friends but they weren’t the kind of friends you talked to about these things, you never shared much of yours and jimins relationship to anyone out of fear they would sell the information so there was only one person you could talk to. One person you trusted.

You searched for the number not hesitating to call. It took a few rings for him to pick up but you suddenly didn’t feel alone anymore once you heard his voice.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, you could tell he was sleeping from his rough voice.

“Yoongs I need to talk but you can’t tell Jimin.” You explain.

“You want me to pick you up?” He asked making you smile.

“Yes, I’m near Jimins apartment.” You direct him.

You hear him open his door. “I’ll be there soon, go wait at the coffee shop.”

“Okay.” You don’t wait around as the phone call ends.

There was one coffee shop in the whole of seoul that you and the members could go to and be in privacy, an old lady owned it and it was run by her grandson, when you and jimin had first gone the woman had noticed him and had asked if he would like to eat inside. He declined for obvious reasons but she shushed him, she showed you a back room, a small room with a view of a lake nearby, there was windows but no one was able to see.

Slowly it became safe place for you all, whenever you would go she would take you to the back room and eventually her grandson did the same thing, neither of them ever asked for a picture or a autograph and no one ever knew you was there, one time a flood damaged the building so Jimin paid to have it fixed. Anonymously of course but she knew who it came from and she had always been grateful, giving you free sandwiches every time you went.

It didn’t take you long to reach the building but you was grateful when you did, the homely smell filling your nose.

“It’s lovely to see you!” She embraces you quickly guiding you through to the back room, you wasn’t an idol but she made you feel just as important.

You hugged her back. “Ajumma, how have you been?”

“I’m fine! I’m fine don’t worry about me, how are you? How is everyone it’s been weeks since I see any of you!” She flaps her hand at you, taking the seat opposite.

“We haven’t had much time Jimin has been busy at work and so have I. I feel bad for not coming by more.” You smile at her.

“Don’t you worry, we all get a little busy sometimes. What can I get you ?” She asks, patting your head lightly.

“Two coffees and maybe a tangerine or maybe five tangerines.. if you have any?” You ask her earning a laugh.

“Ah mister Min will be coming, I’ll bring them right out for you. I’ll let him know you’re here!”

“Thank you.” She smiles as she opens the door and you bow to her.

You always missed your eomma, you hadn’t seen her much since moving to Seoul it made you often feel like a bad daughter but you’d send money home whenever you could.

Your phone buzzed but you didn’t bother looking, you knew it would be Jimin. You watched out the window as you waited for Yoongi, jimins words were running though your mind no matter how hard you tried to think about something else.

You felt a hand touch your shoulder making you jump, you had grown so focused you didn’t hear the door open.

“It’s just me.” Yoongi calms you down.

You stand up and give him a hug. “You scared me”

“I could tell.” He mumbles pulling away. He wasn’t always a fan of physical attention but he always had a soft spot for you wether he admitted it or not.

You watch as he pulls out the seat next to you, his eyes watching the world go by out the window. “It’s beautiful isn’t it?”

You nod as he looks to you, “so what happened?”

You always found it easy to talk to yoongi, Jimin was close with all the members and in a way you was too but you had grown a true friendship with yoongi, not one based off the fact you was Jimins girlfriend but because you see him as another ordinary being so you had grown to become fond of his bluntness and you appreciated that.

“I think Jimin is going to break up with me.” You state, you watch as his eyes widen and his mouth open his face falling into that classic confused look you’d see in a bad comedy movie.

Before he could respond the door opened.

“Ajumma let me help you.” You mumbled rushing to take the coffees from her.

“Aish go and sit down im not that old.” She waves her hand at you as you place the coffees on the table in front of Yoongi.

“Ah Suga.” She smiles at Yoongi and he laughs.

“Ajumma you can call me Yoongi” he bows to her, accepting the bowl of tangerines she hands him.

“You know I like to have a laugh with you, how are you? How is your family?” She asks patting his shoulder.

“They and I are okay. I went home this weekend to visit them, they said the next time they are in Seoul they will come by to thank you for taking care of their son.”

You watch as her small smile grows into a grin. “I am happy to take care of you all. I have to get back to work now but you two just let me know if you need anything, say goodbye before you leave.”

“Thank you.” She smiles at you both as she leaves.

“You asked her for tangerines?” He asks picking one from the bowl.

You smile. “You have an unhealthy obsession over them.”

“They are good for you.” He groans peeling the skin off.

“Yeah and so is the gym but I can’t remember the last time you went.” You can’t help laughing but it doesn’t lasts long as Yoongi gives you a look that shuts you up.

He rolls his eyes before flashing you his gummy smile, he always knew how to make you feel better. “So why do you think Jimin is going to break up with you.”

“I know he is.” You huffed stirring the coffee.

“That still doesn’t tell me why you “know” he will.”

“Because Yoongi I heard him tell someone on the phone that I won’t be his girlfriend anymore, I heard him again on another call say that he wasn’t lying to me. So maybe I figured it out.” Your voice sounds angry but inside you’re just hurt.

“Look you can’t assume something so big from hearing one sentence, you should talk to him because as much as I can sit here and tell you what I think none of it may be the reality.” That was another reason you liked talking to yoongi, he had the best advice.

“I can’t do that, I can’t face him yet I’ll just cry and you know how he gets when I’m crying.” You explain taking a sip of coffee.

You almost want to laugh when you realise Yoongi had already ate three of the tangerines. Even in his most wise moments he was in love with the fruits.

“The longer you wait the worse it will be, you could always ask someone who Jimin talks to.” He looks down to your phone and your eyebrows frown.

“That’s why I called you.”

“I mean someone who he talks to about this kind of stuff.” You watch as he pulls his phone out of his pocket. He hands it to you after dialling a number and you bring it to your ear.

“Hello?” You mumble unsure of who Yoongi called.

“Long time no see.” You scoffed at the voice. Of course it would be him.

“You know you can’t see me right so what you just said is completely wrong but yes it’s been a long time.”

You hear him laugh. “How can I help.”

“I feel a little awkward asking this but is Jimin going to break up with me?” You whisper the last few words, afraid of sounding ridiculous.

You want to throw the phone when you hear his laughter burst out uncontrollably. “Jimin would never do that. Did you hit your head?”

You laugh at his tone, he always made you smile. “I heard him talking on the phone about it, I’m not delusional I promise.”

“I think you should talk to Jiminah about it, you know the talks we have I don’t share. If you want my advice you don’t have to worry.” He explained.

You understood the position he was in, he had to put his friendship with Jimin first and that’s something you would never ask him to not do. Even if it meant you being clueless and hurt.

“Thank you hobi and for making me smile”

“You’re welcome. That’s why I’m everyone’s hope.” He hangs up a few seconds later and you hand Yoongi his phone back.

“So feel any better?” He asks placing his coffee cup back on the table.

“Not really but I shouldn’t have jumped to this conclusion so fast. I should go home and talk to him.” You mumble the words hoping that he doesn’t hear them but when he smiles and stands up you know he has.

“I’ll take you home.” He looks out the window on the door and he turns back to you.

“I can’t go out there.”

Maybe being with Jimin had you familiar with his tone but you knew what that meant. You walked over to the window and looked out of it.

“Why is it so busy out there?” You ask, turning back to him.

“I don’t know, it seems like something is happening.” He explains his head peking out of the window.

“Let me go check.” You smile at him, although he couldn’t risk being in such a busy place alone you could.

“Ajumma!” You shout through the crowd but you had no response, you couldn’t see Daesong around anywhere either.

You looked around a little more before finally finding Da-som crouched behind the counter.

“Ajumma what happened why is it so busy in here?” You ask, watching her hands try to fix the light in the display cabinet.

“A tourist groups bus broke down they found the cafe and wanted to wait here until they could get some help. Here you and mister Min should go out the back door, just leave the keys in the flowerpot outside.” She hands you a set of keys, pointing out the one for the door.

“Is there anything I can help with before we go?” You ask worried about the older lady.

“Don’t worry I’ll be fine you go on about your day if anything the extra custom will help me.” She smiles shooing you away with her hand.

“Okay have a good day and stay healthy, thank you for everything Ajumma.” You wave to her and walk back into the room where yoongi was waiting taking pictures by the window.

“Oh look at your selca king.” You laugh waving the keys at him.

“I promised army I would post more but it’s hard, I think they will like the site.” He smiles pushing his phone into his pocket.

“Yeah yeah whatever you say you love taking selcas and then you don’t post them. Let’s go out the back.” You sigh unlocking the second door.

“Did you find out why it was so busy?” He asks, pulling his face mask up and his hat down.

“A tourist bus broke down so they came here.” You explained.

Once you was outside you follow the instructions given to you and placed the keys inside the flower pot next to the door.

You walked a few steps behind Yoongi as always. If any fans or paparazzi found him that way you could make it seem like you was just another passer by. The boys had told you time and time again you didn’t always have to be like that but you couldn’t explain how bad you would feel if you became the reason that they ended up facing some bad media. The dispatch deal helped but it didn’t stop everything.

You made sure to look around you before entering Yoongis car, thankfully no one see you meaning neither of you would be front page on some trashy media site.

“So I’m taking you home?” He asks, adjusting his mirror.

You sigh, nodding. “I guess so.”

“You need to talk to him.” He reminds you, not that you needed it.

“Home it is.” You confirm.

You listen as he connects his phone to the car, it was a short drive but you both welcomed the music.

“Is this you?” You ask turning the sound up a little more.

“Yeah I guess it is.” He laughs.

“What’s it called?” You ask, Jimin hasn’t played this song for you before.

“People .” He laughs.

“I like it. How comes I’ve never heard it before. ”

“Thank you. Ask Jimin.” He smiles at you and you roll your eyes.

“I already have too much to ask him.” You hit his arm laughing.

“Can I ask you something?” He asks, his eyes fixed on the road.

You hum in agreement.

“Why did you call me instead of talking to Jimin straight away.”

You thought for a minuet, the question was unexpected. “I think I always find myself calling you because I know you’ll be honest. You’ve never lied to me, never broken a promise, if I ask you how something looks you’ll tell me if it’s good or bad but you’re still aware of emotions. You’re insightful.”

“Wow, you sure you don’t want to write a poem about me?” He laughs and you hit his arm again.

“Aish! Do you want me to crash? I will you know.” He waves his hand at you which you slap away.

“Go for it, it’s not my car.” You side eye him and he forever a scowl at you.

You had been laughing so much with Yoongi you hadn’t realised that he had entered to parking lot for Jimins apartment. It was only then that the butterflies fled your stomach, your mind and heart racing.

“Hey you can do this, I’m just one call away.” Yoongi nods at you.

“Thank you for being there for me today.” You smile at him before closing his car door behind you.

“If I can help I will.” He smiles through the window.

You wave to him as he drives off, you begin your slow walk back to the apartment.

After choosing to take the stairs and going up them slower than you ever thought humanly possible you arrived at the front door, you reluctantly pressed the key pad.

You was hoping the ground would open up and eat you but it didn’t so you slowly pushed the door open. You didn’t have any time to prepare yourself as you see Jimin laying on the couch.

“You’re home.” He smiles walking over to you, his arms wrapping around you, his familiar scent filling your nose.

The arms that once felt safe to you became more like a weight with every passing second.

“I heard your call.” You blurted out, the words unprepared.

“What?” Jimin steps back, his eyes roaming over your face.

“I heard what you said about me Jimin, that i won’t be your girlfriend anymore.” Your eyes fall to the floor, you didn’t want him to see the tears already forming.

“You.. I.. just I need to explain okay?” He asks, his hand rubbing your arm.

For the first time every you shrug his arm off, you look up only to see his face filled with hurt. “Are you going to break up with me?”

“I would never do that!” He shakes his head.

“Then why did you say that I wouldn’t be your girlfriend anymore?” You ask, the tears slipping down your face and no matter how much you wanted to look away you couldn’t.

“Because I don’t want you to be my girlfriend.”

You swear your heart breaks at that moment. Time stops and for a few second you guarantee your breath does too. You don’t say anything, you don’t even look at him. You begin walking to the stairs, the idea of packing everything and leaving solidified in your mind but before you could take a step his voice fills your ears.

“I want you to be my wife.”