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logically-asexual · 3 years

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okay i'm already procrastinating and i don't plan on sleeping any time soon so here we go.

☆ ✩ my personal ranking for every season 1 Sanders Sides episode. ✩ ☆

i think it's going to be pretty similar to @dukeofonions' but let's see if i find something new to contribute haha. i see you didn't include that one about Patton in the Big Game or whatever, so i'm not including it either xd. also i think i'm going to count Accepting Anxiety as one episode only.

edit: i finished and now i dare you to drink a shot of water every time i say the word spanish or a version of the word comfort and become very well hydrated.

#16 I'm in a Disney Show

(i agree with dukeofonions here) i always forget this episode exists. it was ok in terms of being happy for real life Thomas but as a Sanders Sides episode it didn't do anything. the sides were just giving their opinions but it wasn't very funny or interesting. also i'm bitter because it made me look up the episode he was in and i didn't like it at all. i don't know if i'm too old for those Disney shows now but Thomas was literally the only good part of it, everything else was really dull and boring imo. a waste of time.

however, Logan supporting clickbait is one of the funniest things ever, and i'll never forget it.

#15 Becoming A Cartoon

i didn't hate this episode but it was just .. meh.. you know? several factors contribute to this. one, i couldn't feel much nostalgia for Butch Hartman's shows because i watched them in Spanish, and everything feels really weird when they speak English, i don't like how my old cartoons sound in English. two, it was disappointing to me because we were all desperately waiting for Plot™ and instead they give us this short episode about nothing (oh how the tables have turned now it's the other way around haha). and three, i didn't like the style of the animation :/ their faces and expressions freaked me out, Roman's douchey face still haunts me.

#14 Way Too Adult

here i'm biased because i don't like Patton much, and i didn't back when i watched the series the first time either, so this video was a little disappointingwithout the rest. also it wasn't relatable to me because i am still too young and dependent on my parents haha. but Patton is funny and it's funny to laugh at Thomas' struggling.

#13 The Dark Side of Disney

i've never been a fan of Disney movies. i actually never watched Mulan or the Lion King or Aladdin as a kid, so meh. i liked the ending, though, it was cool to see Virgil have fun and be right for once. it does make me a bit uncomfortable because the way Thomas tries too hard with Virgil's mouth movements and his low voice reminds me of a guy that had made me v uncomfortable not long before watching that video. so an icky feel overall.

#12 A New Year of Lying to Myself

this video was actually kind of fogettable to me. i had a hard time connecting the voices in the song to the characters and idk. i don't love it nor hate it, just .. neutral.

#11 My True Identity

pretty much the same opinion as dukeofonions, again. it's a good introduction and it's good that it was the beginning of it all but on its own it's not very special. i think it's awesome on Thomas to have come up with such a clever idea, like choosing the dad, the teacher and the prince and putting them together and match them with thoughts?? that fit so perfectly?? it really is just very impressive when you think about it, that it was just a random idea he had for a short 5 minute video.

#10 Taking on Anxiety

i liked this video a lot because when i watched it i had recently been a lot on tumblr, and found out through relatable posts that i had anxiety. so watching this video was really fun and it made me happy to feel so seen, specially the intro when Thomas just talks about what it's like to have Anxiety and Virgil is so smug about it.

- ★ -

okay now that those are out of the way things are going to get hard... all the following i love with all my heart so i'm going to rank them based on the smallest things.

#9 Growing Up

once more, Patton isn't my favorite. so that's why i'm putting this here, plus the echo at the end askjhsahg, but i love love this video. i remember we were waiting and oh so ready for the angst of nobody taking Patton seriously. and we received!! i love that though Roman and Logan are antagonists here, they're both so happy about Thomas wanting to have a healthy life. and i just adore the way Logan admits his mistake at the end and asks Patton directly. my heart... also aw.. the nostalgia. i remember none of us knew how to spell Patton's name and were writing it in very funny ways until Thomas and Joan told us lol.

#8 The Mind vs The Heart

when i watched this video the first times i didn't like it much, because i only had eyes for Virgil, but later i came back to it and loved it. so taking that into account i'm putting it here. logicality was the first ship i ever shipped in the show because i saw a gifset on tumblr of Patton screaming "what do you know about love?!" and Logan "apparently more than YOU" and the caption said "MARRIED", and i thought hey yeah... anyway. i love them. they're both my dads since that day.

this video is so so so relatable and i love it. Logan and Patton are so much fun arguing and i love how they compromise at the end and work together. im reconsidering.. i might move it higher? no, fine i'll leave it here.

#7 Making Some Changes

this video was absolutely hilarious. i personally couldn't see it as the Sides still once they were acted by Thomas' friends, i enjoyed it more as that bunch being silly and trying to be the sides but failing in so many ways, while sometimes nailing stuff suddenly. i really don't take this one too seriously as an episode. except Joan!Logan and Valerie!Logan, my beloved... i love how Joan acted as Logan and their voice and that they kept their ace ring on.. there's a reason i had them as my icon for so long. and Valerie looks a bit (a lot) like me with the glasses and dressed in dark colors, plus she spoke Spanish and there's .. no words to describe the joy i felt when seeing/hearing that. wait i'm getting emotional...

#6 My Personality Q&A

when i watched this Virgil was my favorite side and i didn't care much about the rest lol. when i heard his answers i related to him SO much it was scary, and also his voice is so soft and it was all very comforting. it was also when i first starting looking at Logan with more attention, because when he brought up Big Hero 6 and Fall Out Boy and said he didn't sing and would recite it like a poem? it only took a couple seconds but my brain said "me" and never went back.

now this video is a little underwhelming to watch for me, most of the appeal for me was in finding out the answers, and also watching it when we didn't know a lot about the sides. now we know more and want to know more so it's not as fun to me as it was first.

i wish so bad they'd do another one, although i know it would be more difficult with a much bigger audience, i think they can manage and i just need it. the chaos.. the energy.. they all being so savage with each other, learning little random facts about them you didn't expect.. i need it.

- ★ -

oh boy top 5 here we go. the next three are practically a tie. i can't choose.

#5 Alone on Valentines Day

i love Valerie, and the idea of this video was perfect and so perfectly excecuted. every side just giving their crazy opinions on how to woo a random stranger, i laughed SO much. first with Logan speaking simlish out of nowhere? at that point i didn't know practically anything about the sims except that it was some video game and the whiplash of Logan going AYO and the rest killed me. then when Roman whipped out that dialogue in Spanish??? my life was completed. i've never felt more happy than i did in that moment gosh. just the hilarity of Roman's drama, the shock of them speaking Spanish suddenly like that, the absolute JOY of seeing a creator i like speak (may i say) perfect Spanish, the other characters' faces after that.. never been happier.

also the conclusion was so cute. Virgil solving the whole problem without wanting to. i loved it.

#4 Am I Original

i think this video speaks for itself. it was fun to watch them all do the ideas Roman had, plus Logan and Virgil nodding at each other, (i love them so much), plus the angst at the end of Roman's perfectionism, plus Roman's just perfect name. this video has it all.

i think Thomas posted it kind of late at night and i watched it at 7am in the classroom as i waited for my classmates to arrive and the class to start. (i usually was like 40 minutes early to school due to mom’s work). i had to contain my laughter and it wasn’t easy.

#3 Losing My Motivation

i started loving this video after a while, when Logan passed Virgil in the position for my favorite side. but once he did this episode was beautiful. it's so funny and i love Logan and Patton's dynamic so much. and the video also so damn relatable in general. i felt so seen with it because they named all the problems i have when procrastinating, down to Patton's vague explanation of his feelings, it's exactly how i feel every time i want to do stuff. and the plot twist! i can hear the dramatic sound effect and see how they all turn to Logan clearly in my head, and it always makes me smile. plus there's so much Logan angst that can be dug up and overanalized. i love to watch it over and over.

#2 Accepting Anxiety

this video was perfect. everything we wanted. we knew it was coming and it delivered perfectly, better than any fanfic done in the waiting time. the week between the parts was agonizing but in a fun way somehow. i remember precisely when i was watching part 2 in my living room. i screamed. and i cried, a lot. i was feeling terrible at that time in my life and Thomas was such a comforting presence and i can't begin to describe how this episode made me feel.

and later it is always fun to rewatch with all their different reactions to being in Virgil's room, the energy of that was on point. Thomas is such a great actor and the characters where just amazingly performed. plus it gave so much to talk adn think about, the idea of the rooms, lots lots of insight into the characters, foreshadowing, so much. it's just perfect i have nothing else to say.

#1 (for purely emotional reasons, ironically) My Negative Thinking

i think Accepting Anxiety is the best episode of the season objectively but my favorite is My Negative Thinking. because i love Virgil and Logan so much and seeing them argue together was and is great. the comfort.. i can't repeat that word enough throughout this post. it's such a soft video while not being overwhelming with Patton and Roman's outbursts. just quiet (mostly) and clear and with perfectly timed humour.

Logan my beloved.. learning spanish... helping me with my own anxiety.. and their debate was so good. and the fact that they were friends i- i can't. Virgil didn't think Logan liked him and Logan told him explicitly that he did and the casual softness of it i cant even. Logan is happy that he tried.. it's just marvelous. Virgil and Logan as best friends will always be my favorite pair, and their dynamic will always be what i strive for in any relationship i might form, with both sides silently comforting each other within their own limits and realistic perspectives. so nice.

- ★ -

so yeah. that's all. thank you if you read all the way up to here. ♡ ♡ ♡

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders

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en-theheights · 4 years

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All the problems with HSMTMTS:

I keep getting asked question on what happened in the fandom, and what is going on against all of the s*xual assault allegations against J*shua and T*m. This is going to be the post where I lay out all that I know of and inform the tumblr fandom on it because not all of you are on Twitter, and Tumblr is literally the heaven amongst fandoms. After this post, I’m DONE talking about this show and being apart of this toxic group. Along with talking about the s*xual assault allegations, I will also be addressing the issues during the BLM movement and other crap that not only the cast and crew have been a part of, but also the fandom itself. Let’s dig in.

Sidenote: I really don’t want any hate, I’m just trying to be open with you guys and inform you all. Also, I’m doing my best to remember everything, so if there is something that you want to know more on then please just message me personally cause I’m seriously SICK of discussing it publicly.

Not eveything in the fandom is due to JUST the cast and crew. This fandom is FULL of very toxic and creepy people.

A few months ago, someone (a grown women) who was overly obsessed with Olivia hacked into her grandfather’s account to turn it into a fan page to get undercover information on Olivia, as well as getting information on where Olivia lived. This grown women has also done some other seriously inappropriate things. If you want to learn more about the sketchy things that this women has done than you can go to Twitter and look it up.

There are always ship wars in fandoms, but this one takes it WAY too seriously. I’ve seen people get attack on their looks just for being a part of a ship. The ones that are heavily abusive are Rina vs Rini, Seblos vs CJ, and redlyn vs Redky. It has cause people to leave the fandom due to how bad the attacking got. On Tumblr, everyone’s pretty open about ships, but on twitter it is a literal battle field.

Disgraceful people still continue to ship the actors instead of the characters. J*livia and J*fia is what I’m going to talk more closely about. (First, josh is a grown adult and both Sofia and Olivia are minors, please unfollow me if you don’t see anything wrong with that). Sofia had to delete a few of her tik toks after one with Joshua went viral and people wouldn’t stop shipping her and him in her comments. Like one video she did, the caption was “I want a boyfriend” and people assumed they were dating and wouldn’t stop tagging him in her videos. As for Olivia, people have been shipping them since the beginning of the show. Fan accounts on all platforms have dedicated their time to this. I don’t necessarily remember if Sofia or Olivia came out saying that they were uncomfortable when they got shipped with their cast mates, but it started causing drifts between the actors because of this and Joshua wasn’t featured in any of Sofia’s videos after that and Olivia didn’t post as much as she use to with him. It goes to show that shipping actors makes things awkward and strained within their personal relationships. DONT DO THIS!

A person stating that they were friend’s with Olivia came out to expose Joshua of being a bad boyfriend after she tells everyone that Olivia and Joshua has been secretly dating during the press tour of HSMTMTS. There was clever evidence that showed they were dating and the girl came out with multiple receipts, and even went so far as to go on Instagram live to speak on the matter. But she then came out stating that it was false and she only wanted some attention. Apparently she was a j*livia stan. I can’t find anything on twitter about it anymore, since I’m pretty sure eveything was deleted. This can ruin people’s careers and I don’t know why anyone could think it’s okay.

There are genuinely a lot of creepy adults that roam around in the HSM fandom. On twitter, there would be grown adults writing in detail how the kissing scene between Joshua and Olivia made them feel. People continue to post the gif of Nini and Ricky kissing and write out why it’s so important to them. People have taken that kissing scene and literally turned it into nasty and inappropriate sm*t on AO3 and Wattpad. Note once again that these characters are minors and it’s NEVER okay to write inappropriate stories about children. Grown adults need to be held accountable for their actions if this is how they’re acting.

Some parts of the fandom genuinely hate on both Sofia and Olivia for literally nothing. Just jealousy between their ships, and because of it, they think it’s okay to to personally attack the actresses on their looks and where they are in there careers. People continuously pin Olivia and Sofia against each other, like for example people bashing Olivia for not being as successful as Sofia, or Sofia being bashed because she doesn’t have the same singing career as Olivia. It’s once again, DISGUSTING!

This one is more about Disney and then not doing their part. Disney cut out the majority of Seblos’ scenes, which caused a lot of turmoil within the fandom and why Seblos felt unattached and awkward while they were together in all of their scenes after the dance episode. People called out Disney and said they they shouldn’t have put Seblos in if they weren’t going to go full out with it.

Onto the cast and the crew:

Kate (miss Jenn) got a lot of hate for exposing that Frankie (Carlos) and Joe(Seb) are in an actual real life relationship without asking them for their consent to tell the world. Don’t know whether they had spoken about them being in a relationship or not, but Kate didn’t speak on it after that either.

A video came out a few days ago of the cast taking cast pictures during their tour, and Mark (Mr. Mazzara) was standing beside Sofia in which it looks like his hand was rubbing Sofia’s lower back, and she seemed uncomfortable. I’m not sure if it’s a stretch or not because the video is super blurry and it’s hard to kind of see their faces, but you can clearly see his hand go behind her back. Personally for me, I didn’t notice anything too alarming, but you’d have to see for youself. I won’t be posting that and instead you can dm me personally and I’ll send you the link to the video.

A past comment of Joshua’s was exposed in which he is saying the F slur. #joshuabassettisoverparty was trending world wide on Twitter, with people wanting him off the show. He has apologized for it since then, but not many ever forgave him and it was just really his young girl audience that came to his defense, even though it wasn’t their apology to forgive. People that only stan him because he is a cute cis white male didn’t see the problem in what he had said, and kept saying that he was young and that it’s not a reason for us to hate on him, but he was only 17 when he said that, and it’s no excuse. Personally to me, his apology was super bland and he didn’t address it personally on his Twitter, but instead replied to a post saying he’d do better. Here’s what he had said:

Here is his apology on this:

Joshua also went on a live in which he said “boys, gals, or whatever” People accused him of being transphobic and enbyphobic. Others think that his words were being blown out of proportion. Here is that video:

I found it to be very ridiculous and rude that he doesn’t follow anybody on twitter or tik tok. On a live video, Julia said something about him not following her, and he just says that he doesn’t follow anybody and she shouldn’t take it personally. Honestly not that big of a deal, but it’s still shows pitifullness and arrogancy. Don’t know what his contract looks like with whatever agency he’s with, but maybe they’re just strict on that, but idk.

People hate on Matt (EJ) for being republican. He hasn’t done anything problematic or said anything out of offense, so for me he’s good. UPDATE: Turns out, Matt is friends with Benjamin Lawson Adams, a convicted pedophile. Here’s a brief statement in what happened:

He worked for the Weinstein company, so no surprise there. His arrest happened in May 2016, and his license was suspended to practice Law in July of 2018. If Matt knew what was best for him, he would stop having any and all associations with this dude.

That’s all I can think of on situations not regarding the s*xual assault allegations or the BLM movement. But there’s probably so much I’m missing. I’m going to make a part 2, cause the next half is too long to post here as well. I’ll label it #exposinghsmtmts so others are able to see it.

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destinyc1020 · 3 years

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What are some of your theories as to why N unfollowed Z related accounts back in July? Also do you think T understood the meaning of liking a post by Law that says “I would do anything for this girl.. I love you”. The photo itself was nothing special, just a random shot of them on a red carpet where you get a side profile of Z’s face. I always wondered about that but it seems the TZ fans overlooked that like back then.

Lol I already addressed my thoughts on the Nadia unfollows yesterday.

Re: Tom liking that post of Law’s... Idk about other fans, but I certainly didn’t overlook that back then. In fact, Tom liking THAT post back on July 12th was what started my “spidey senses” tingling. 👀 I already knew he was dating Nadia at the time, so for him to like a post like that, it definitely set my alarm bells off ngl lol.

It was just such an intimate post to like...especially for an EX...especially when you’re in a relationship with somebody else. 👀 That’s like Zendaya liking a post/caption like that about JE ROTFL. 😅 That would CERTAINLY make the bells and whistles go off in my head. Even if I as an ex still had friendly terms with my past bf, I just don’t think I would be liking an intimate post like THAT if I were dating someone else, unless I still kind of had some feelings for my ex. JMHO🤷 And yea, I think Tom knew the significance of the post. Of course he knew! 😂 It must have resonated with him and that’s why he liked it. Speaking of “patterns”, Tom doesn’t like EVERY single Law post either. In fact, I’ll go out on a limb and say that MOST of the posts that Tom likes of Law are Z-related lol. (Just something I’ve personally picked up on) You’re right, that picture was a throwback pic that had nothing really to do with the caption, so you would almost have to read the CAPTION in order to get the real gist of the post imo. When I first saw that post of Law’s I immediately started to wonder if something was up with Jacdaya, because his post just seemed so RANDOM out of nowhere, and it seemed kind of personal. Add to that, I think Z was spotted out hiking w/her family around that time as well, and Idk... My spidey senses were just going off that day that’s all. 😅

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joe-mazzello-archive · 5 years

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Agape - Chapter Five

A Joe Mazzello x Fem!Reader fic

Rating: 18+

Chapter Five

Warnings: Language, Jealousy? (idk if that can be a trigger?) Word Count: 2289 A/N: Lol remember that time I said I was going to take a break? Shoutout to work being slow again. And just like that we’re halfway through. I’m really excited to get into the second half of this series. It gets more fun :) Tag list is open!

The shoot was pretty easy after that. Most of the other scenes that were left were much lighter and weren’t a huge toll on you emotionally.

You and Joe continued to spend every second you could together. You knew it wasn’t a good idea. In fact it was an awful idea. It made you pine for him even more.

But you convinced yourself that if you just made it through the shoot and got back to LA, your infatuation with him would fade away. And by the time you would be starting the press tour, he wouldn’t even be in your thoughts anymore.

You really hoped that was the case.

You often debated making a move; getting flirtier and seeing what happened. Part of you worried he wouldn’t feel the same and you didn’t want to deal with the rejection and awkwardness. But you knew what would come of it even if he did reciprocate. It was the same thing that had happened every time you dated a co-star. You would attempt to keep your relationship a secret for some time, but eventually the tabloids would pick it up. They would call you out for dating yet another co-star and predict that the relationship would be short-lived. Then a few months later while you’re working on another project, he would call you and decide that it’s best you go back to being friends. And then you would never speak again and he would become another entry on a Buzzfeed listicle about all the men you’ve dated in your career.

And the thought of that happening with Joe broke your heart. You cared about him too much to drag him through that and eventually lose him as a friend.

So you compartmentalized. You focused on the fun you were having making the movie and exploring the city. You blocked out how attracted you were to the man and tried to focus on how much you were enjoying just spending time with him.

Time flew by and before you knew it, it was the last week of filming. You personally only had two scenes left to film before you were wrapped: a scene where Joe’s character Desmond and Desmond’s girlfriend Talia meet Leah’s character Eliza, and the final scene. It was pretty rare to be filming the final scene of a movie last as most of the time you shoot pretty out of order. But Julia had insisted for it to be shot last so that you and Joe had time to bond and create chemistry.

Well, her plan definitely worked.

On the day you were filming the scene with Desmond and Talia, you found yourself in the makeup trailer with Leah and Joe. The two of them were already made up and in costume, but your hair stylist was still working on your hair. The three of you were goofing off about something that had happened last week when the actress playing Talia, Briana, walked in.

You took in Briana’s appearance. She was a stick-thin blonde with piercing green eyes. You had overheard someone say that this was her first acting job and that she had been a model previously. You didn’t know her well; you had met during the table read and later had invited her to your meatball dinner, but she wasn’t able to make it. You hadn’t had any other scenes with her, so you hadn’t seen her since the table read.

“Hey, Bri!” Joe called. He made her way over to her and the two exchanged a hug. You felt your cheeks get hot.

“Joey!” she replied. You eyebrows shot up in confusion and disbelief. Joey? Bri?

Joe proceeded to introduce Briana to you, keeping his hand on the small of her back.

“Obviously I know her, Joey. I’m a huge fan! And we have met, actually,” Briana responded.

“Yeah, we met briefly at the table read but we haven’t seen each other since, good to see you!” you said.

“And this is Leah, she plays Eliza,” Joe added. Leah stood up and shook Briana’s hand.

“Yeah I’ve--”

“Nice to meet you,” Leah said, cutting Briana off. You noticed Leah blushed as she shook Briana’s hand.

The four of you made idle chit-chat about the shoot and the scene before your stylist finished with your hair. You all made your way over to the restaurant set, greeting several of the extras once you arrived. Julia appeared, assistant director in tow, and gave quick directions to the background actors while the four of you took your places at your table. Julia eventually made her way over to you and proceeded to let you know that they probably wouldn’t be ready to start for another twenty minutes

Julia walked away, and as if on cue, all four of you pulled out your phones.

“Oh Joey, you have to show me that video you were talking about!” Briana suddenly said after a few minutes.

“Oh right! The banana bread one. Let me pull it up,” Joe replied, tapping away at his phone. You felt your cheeks get hot again. You had shown Joe that video a few weeks back and the two of you had been quoting in non-stop since. You felt a twinge of jealousy creep in. That was an inside joke you had with Joe. And now he’s sharing it with Briana?

You suddenly realized how ridiculous that was. You didn’t have a claim over a dumb internet video. Joe had every right to show that video to whoever he wanted to.

You heard the familiar audio of the video play while Joe and Briana giggled.

You felt Leah nudge you. You turned to look at her, only to see her holding out her phone for you. You looked at the screen and saw her notepad app.

Girl, you are literally staring daggers at the two of them. You okay?

You felt yourself blush. Shit. You hadn’t even realized you were staring at them. You took the phone from her and typed a response.

Yeah, I’m good. I was just zoning out.

You handed the phone back to her and went about busying yourself with your own phone. You started scrolling through social media, something you hadn’t done in a few days. You had been so focused on the shoot and hanging with Joe that you hadn’t had time to check them.

You were scrolling through Instagram when a picture on your feed caught your eye.

joe_mazzello: Thrilled to have had the opportunity to work with the lovely @brianaausten on this shoot! #agapemovie

The caption was under a photo of Joe and Briana hugging outside of Joe’s trailer. The photo had been posted the day before.

Your stomach churned unpleasantly and your cheeks turned red once again. You tapped Joe’s instagram profile and did a quick scan, hoping to find that he had posted a picture with you at some point that you had missed.

But there was no such picture.

Before you could do anything else, Julia’s voice rang out.

“Okay gang, I think we’re ready to do this!”

Shooting finally began on the scene. The scene itself was a double date between Desmond, Talia, Eliza, and Ruby. Desmond had been with Talia for almost a year and Ruby had just started seeing Eliza and wanted to introduce her to her best friend Desmond. The scene was a lot of back and forth dialogue, with some tension between Ruby and Desmond; Desmond quickly learns he is not a fan of Eliza while Ruby has never been a big Talia fan.

Luckily, the tension came easy to you, as you had realized you weren’t the biggest Briana fan.

You and the others worked through the scene, pausing occasionally for some direction from Julia. As time went on, you found yourself forgetting your lines, something you rarely did. As Briana nailed all of her lines over and over again, with praise from Julia, you began to get frustrated.

You never did this. You had always prided yourself on being extremely professional and never forgetting your lines. But your jealousy was kicking your butt. You felt like you were letting everyone down, and the more you messed up, the more frustrated you became.

After a few hours, a production assistant called out for a thirty-minute break. You sighed with relief. You needed to calm down or you were going to lose it. As soon as you were dismissed, you took off to your trailer.

Once you were inside and had shut the door behind you, you slumped onto the couch.

You took a deep breath and attempted to center yourself. You decided it would be a good idea to meditate. You began to work on your breathing when there was a knock at the door with a female voice calling your name from the other side.

“Are you in there?” Leah asked. You sighed and got up to let her in. She shut the door behind her and followed you to the couch.

“Okay, what’s up?” she asked pointedly.

“I’m just having an off day,” you replied, refusing to make eye contact with her.

“Bullshit. Something must have happened. You were all laughs this morning and then suddenly you had a miserable look on your face and start forgetting your lines,” Leah countered.

You finally looked at her. She could see right through you. Might as well tell the truth.

“Fine. I’ll tell you,” you finally said before taking a deep breath. “I’m completely head over heels for Joe and seeing him all buddy-buddy with Briana freaked me out. And I hate that I’m acting this way and it’s causing me to overthink everything and constantly compare myself to her,” you blurt out.

Leah stared at you for a moment before a huge smile spread across her face.

“I knew it! I knew you had a thing for him!” she said, pointing right at you. Your head fell back against the couch as you sighed.

“I’ve got it bad, Leah.”

“So do something about it!” she replied.

“I can’t.”

You then explained your worries and anxieties. You talked about all of your past relationships with co-stars and the ups and downs of those relationships.

“...and I can’t let that happen with Joe. I care about him too much to lose him. If he doesn’t feel the same way, I’ll lose him as a friend. If he does feel the same way and we try to make it work, it will fail and I’ll lose him that way instead.” Leah nodded as you spoke. She paused and thought about what you said before continuing.

“Have you ever thought that it might be different with Joe?” she finally asked.

“Yeah, I entertained the thought. But I don’t know if it’s worth it to take that chance,” you answered.

“Well I can tell you right now that there is nothing going on between Joe and Briana,” Leah said, crossing her arms.

“What makes you so sure?” you asked. She looked down, blushing.

“Because there’s something going on between me and Briana.” Suddenly you remembered their interaction in the makeup trailer. A huge grin spread across your face.

“No shit! Since when?” you asked, lightly tapping her on the shoulder.

“Since the table read. We got drinks after and have been seeing each other since. She’s not out publicly yet, so we’ve been keeping it on the down low,” Leah answered.

“Well I won’t say anything. And I’m happy for you! She’s gorgeous,” you said.

“I know,” Leah replied, a huge smile on her face.

The two of you chatted for the rest of your break, swapping stories about Briana and Joe. You found the conversation extremely cathartic for multiple reasons. Firstly, you now knew that you had no reason to be jealous of Briana’s relationship with Joe. And secondly, you had finally talked to someone about the feelings you had been dealing with for weeks. Getting it out felt therapeutic, and by the time the two of you headed back to the set, you felt relaxed and ready to nail the scene.

The rest of the day went by smoothly. You no longer were in your head and your lines came easily to you. Between takes, you found yourself happily conversing with Joe, Briana, and Leah. The four of you cracked jokes and casually chatted, making the rest of the shoot way more enjoyable.

Eventually Julia called wrap for the day and the four of you all made your way back towards the trailers. You all came to a stop in front of your trailer.

“Well I think we’re going to go get some dinner. You guys in?” Leah asked. She looked right at you and shook her head, and you immediately understood: she wasn’t actually inviting you.

“I’d be down for some dinner,” Joe answered, unaware of the situation. You made eye contact with Leah and she shook her head again. You nodded, understanding her code.

“Actually Joe, I think one of the PAs said they needed the two of us for something,” you lied, looking right at Leah, who smiled in response.

“Well then I guess it’s you and me, Briana,” Leah immediately said, jumping on the opportunity.

“Sounds good to me!” Briana replied. The pair took off before Joe could even protest. You entered your trailer, Joe trailing behind.

“What do they need us for?” Joe asked, shutting the door behind him.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” you said, grabbing your purse and keys. “Want to go get drinks?” Joe paused to process what had just happened, but decided not to argue as he followed you back out of the trailer and towards the parking lot.

#joe mazzello x reader #joe mazzello x you #joe mazzello imagine #joe mazzello fic #joe mazzello fanfic #joe mazzello #joemazzmatazz

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lizzybeth1986 · 5 years

Text

Quick Thoughts on TRR Book 1 Chapter 8

• So…umm…I LOVE this chapter! More in hindsight than when I was actually playing it because back then it just sounded like a jealous woman trying to sabotage the MC and failing. But now having played through this chapter and even written a fic about it…I have to say there’s a lot going on in this one.

• I’ve often found the 8th chapter in the series pretty interesting. This was the first chapter in the series to feature diamond scenes from all three of the original LIs in a single chapter. This would happen again in Book 2, but by Book 2 the imbalance was a lot more tangible. I will speak more about this later…but suffice to say that back when we had just two books in the series, I would call the 8th chapter The Magical Number Eight.

• A common misconception that seems to stem from this chapter (and others, often by Kiara-haters) is that Kiara “agrees to be our friend” this chapter, and then jumps ship to Madeleine in Book 2. That’s bullshit. Kiara never mentions the word friend. She says ally. And she delivers.

• THIS is also where you get the first little inkling that Maxwell could be romanced, though we would only know for sure by the middle of Book 2. This chapter is also where you also get the first of many Drake’s plot related scenes. Which meant that sometimes, even if a fan did not like him, they would end up buying his scenes anyway for some crumb of information on their LI. Drake was already getting popular, but dropping hints of plot into his scenes gave him an added edge and often encouraged fans of other LIs who didn’t like him, to buy his scenes.

• Anyway, since the buildup took an entire chapter, the book pushes us straight into the dressing room for this one!

• Title: A Waltz to Remember.

Alternative Title: Lizzy Turns This QT into a Kiara Gush-fest And Does Not Regret It (Even If It Gave Her Hand-Cramps).

I love how over the course of three books, this particular dance form of Cordonia has gained the importance it has. And it’s lovely how - even though we’re not meant to like Olivia at this point - our first glimpse of Cordonian culture through this dance, is in her estate.

• Hana’s silver dress makes its debut here! Honestly, I kinda would’ve liked this one a LOT better as a gown than as the bodycon it eventually became. That pleated bodice really needed a long, flowy skirt to work. I’m always going to be a little sore they made it a short bodycon instead 😑

• Okay I love both our options for the ball, okay. They’re both big, and glamorous, and make a real statement. Which is necessary, because the plan is to show Olivia up at her own home.

Winter Goddess is gorgeous - it has that vintage Hollywood feel to me, and the caption for it sounds pretty romantic (“will capture the winter moonlight”). Snowflake Sweetheart is very on-point for the whole snow/ice theme Lythikos itself has going on. I’m very fond of the crystals and the illusion sleeves on the second one….but I have to say that silk-satin one with the fur stole is the winner for me 😅

Me Back Then (on one of my million replays): If I really have to take a diamond option, I’m taking the second one. I’m cheap.

Me Now: Still cheap. I’m not spending 25 whole diamonds on another gown when there’s already a cute one free in my closet.

• Maxwell is trying hard to channel Bertrand 2.0, and is badgered enough by 1.0 over the phone to almost succeed.

• One of the formal phrases he uses is “a diamond of the first water”, a phrase you’d see very commonly in the Regency era…which kind of solidifies my belief that Regency England was one of their world building inspirations even back then.

• We don’t fully understand the kind of power the hostess can wield in her homeplace, until this sequence. On principle, Olivia is not exactly answerable to anyone, not even the royals visiting her in Lythikos - she can decide on seat arrangements, she can give instructions to the staff on who gets the best portions of the meals and who gets the worst, she can monopolize on the Prince’s time with her if she wants. And she takes full advantage of that.

• However, her being the hostess doesn’t always leave her completely free to do what she wants, without consequences. Lythikos is not just a turning point for us - it’s one for her as well. And not exactly in a good way.

• Here’s what Olivia does to sabotage us at the ball:

- seats us away from our sponsor, and away from the head table. In fact this is something she does to all the suitors - Maxwell tells us that not a single one has a place at the head table.

- seats us way back, next to a commoner who is also constantly given the same treatment - which Hana points out is meant to be viewed in the court as an insult. To an MC who is still learning the ways of the nobility, this move is pretty much a miss…but it does give us a very clear idea of how hypocritical the nobility and royalty can be. Hana is not immune to the prejudice either (seen as she does not censor the statement when she says it in front of Drake, a commoner), but she eventually grows to fiercely guard him and defend him from those kind of attitudes later on… and you can see a lot of that growth in TRH’s Walker Ranch chapters.

- has her servers give us ice-cold lobster bisque on purpose, thirty minutes after serving has begun. With no lobster in it. Remember, we’re in a wintry region where you require piping hot, creamy, fattening foods to stay warm. This isn’t just ruining a meal: Olivia is sending a clear message about how unwelcome they are, by giving them cold food devoid of the main protein, in the freezing cold of Lythikos.

- given the timing of her kiss on Liam during the waltz, she probably did that to send a message to us as well. It happens shortly after our dance with him, and from her reaction (angry, immediately establishing claim on him) to Liam’s dance with the MC, we can tell she’s more affected than she’d like to admit, and that’s what informs her actions during her second dance with him.

• Me Back Then: There is a nice option and a rude option. It’s Drake, but he’s Liam’s bff and I want to be nice.

(+ romance point)

Me Back Then:

Me Now: Romance points in Lythikos fall from Drake the way pee falls from someone with weak kegels. One tiny laugh and pssssshhhh.

• From the rude option you find out that Drake plays chess and often wins in his matches with Liam, so that’s a nice touch.

• The MC can acquire the fresh bisque for herself and her friends if she dramatically faints in front of a server. I quite like this (optional) moment because it shows her thinking on her feet and quickly ensuring she gets her way. The other options are pretty hilarious too, though, the obnoxious “do you know who I am” option comes with a Game of Thrones reference 😂

•

Me Back Then: …someone should leave Drake hungry at a party till the wee hours of the morning with access to only whiskey bottles. Whiskey for entrèe, whiskey for main, maybe we’ll be kind and give him brandy for dessert. Let’s see how far his love for whiskey goes then 😈

Me Now: Holy shit, Me Back Then, you just predicted the best scene in Book 3 🤣.

• One of my favourite TRR Tumblr posts ever, was the one where someone took a screenshot of Drake saying “I’m not one to complain about food” from this chapter, and placed a gif of Nicholas Fraser’s “Why You Always Lying” lyrics just beneath it 😄 If that isn’t the truth idk what is.

• Most of the chapter after this will focus on the Cordonian Waltz, Olivia’s little stunt and getting allies, so the buildup to Drake’s scene will happen now (and Hana’s just before we meet Drake). Hana will be dancing with Tariq, and then other partners in the meantime, so no opportunities to dance with her there.

I loved this dialogue option when I first saw it, but now that I know how much in love with dancing Maxwell is, this scene is ten times more fun! 😃

• On first playthrough…this didn’t seem like that big a problem. Maxwell was fun, and seemed to genuinely like us, and was berated a great deal by Bertrand - so it was easier then to perhaps forgive his gaffes and want to comfort him instead. But when you approach his character as someone who brought a complete foreigner to his country and then didn’t make much of an effort to educate her with what little time they both had…I wind up finding his character a lot less endearing. I’m honestly more irritated by his carelessness. There was a lot he could have done even if he forgot or didn’t know what to do. He could have asked around! Hana was right in front of him! He could have found out what to prepare for if he didn’t know or if Bertrand didn’t handhold him (which Bertrand himself isn’t exactly doing a good job of in the first place). The other LIs shouldn’t have to constantly step in and do his job as sponsor and guide!

• It’s only when we’re dancing that Maxwell realizes he’s not taught us the dance. Of course, if you bought Hana’s waltz scene, she whispers her advice just before you dance with him, and you give her credit for teaching you. If not, you go into it knowing very little (but because the options are easy to choose from, so you can still manage). Maxwell does explain its uniqueness in terms of the flirting potential and the fact that it’s a courtship dance…but the true beauty of that description only comes with Hana.

• Istg, if Hana weren’t around to repeatedly save our ungrateful asses…

• So THIS is the first opportunity you get to ‘romance’ Maxwell. He looks sad and tells you that you should only be here for the Prince, but it’s also that vague kind of sadness that you can interpret differently and write detailed fanfics about! I think a huge part of Maxwell’s appeal (besides the overall sparkling personality, and the fact that he was so different from both Liam and Drake) was the “will-he-won’t-he” nature of the LI question itself.

• We now move on to Liam, who is fighting a losing battle with his desire to favour the MC exclusively, but wants her to know that she is special to him. Notably he does say this in the “courtship” part of the dance.

• How do you know that the Cordonian Waltz was a strategic choice? Because Olivia chose to dance with Liam twice! And because she’s the hostess, it’s harder for Liam to refuse.

I remember being pretty uncomfortable with this scene the first time I saw it, I still am, and often I wonder if I’m the only one who feels that way. Whenever I see this scene being referenced, it’s often referenced in the most flippant ways. And it baffles me.

• Honestly, Olivia was clearly overstepping her boundaries here and didn’t even bother to ask Liam before doing it (Liam himself mentions he was “caught by surprise” and calls it an “unexpected advance”). Was Olivia doing it out of complex, understandable reasons? Like jealousy or frustration or showing the MC up? Well, sure I guess. But it doesn’t take away from the fact that her doing so was nonconsensual and downright wrong.

The funny thing is often this incident is either downplayed or erased completely, especially in contexts where people try to argue that Olivia “deserves better” than Liam, or sympathize with her for loving a man who “does not care about her”.

Does Olivia deserve to be loved back by a person she loves? Absolutely.

Is Liam a lesser person for not loving her back? No, and he shouldn’t have to be penalized or judged by a fandom for not doing so.

Is the fact that most people who uphold this “penalizing/blaming Liam for not returning Olivia’s feelings” argument, also tend to forget/downplay this particular incident…particularly disturbing? Well, yeah, definitely.

• Even the narrative fails with regard to this, actually. It is written in a comical style, with a couple of out-there dialogue options (like screaming loud enough of break poor Maxwell’s eardrums) and the MC is given a chance to lash out at Liam for not reacting fast enough or throwing Olivia off of him. And guess what his reaction is. Sad, contrite, trying to explain his position. It’s almost like it’s okay for him to feel guilty about something that was done TO him, that he was never asked permission for.

Olivia does suffer consequences, but more for her “power play” than for anything else. Her move isn’t viewed as negative for what it may do to Liam, it is negative because it is seen as a direct “fuck you” she is delivering to her competitors. The scene itself is written for laughs…which I’m surprised more people don’t find even a little uncomfortable.

• The reactions from the other suitors is pretty on point for their character types at this point. Madeleine is smug and condescending, confident that she will never be “unrefined or insecure” enough for such “ostentatious displays” (says the woman who will bully her entire court, run around Italy roaring drunk and name a drink after herself in Book 2). Penelope doesn’t exactly have a personality at this point, she merely comments that the kiss was a bold play. It is Kiara who points out the power dynamics involved and views it as the last straw in her waning support for Olivia.

Remember - the ladies of the court weren’t treated half as badly as we were, but they were probably more aware (than us) that they were being denied a seat at the head table, and had to put up with Olivia monopolizing Prince Liam’s time. While Kiara’s suspicions that Olivia is “mad with power” here probably aren’t too far off the mark (even though her feelings of jealousy and confusion may be involved, we can’t deny that there is a clear sense of “I’m the hostess here, I can do what I want”), it’s not just an assumption that simply stems out of nowhere.

• Maxwell sees and opportunity to gain allies, and encourages us to capitalize on it. The wrong options are pretty interesting: if you mention “slapping the smirk off Olivia’s face”, Maxwell tells you that the political equivalent would be to “attack her alliances”. If you suggest making out with Liam in public, Maxwell exclaims that doing so would lead to people gunning after you. Which is telling, because in Book 1 PDA is mostly shown as being frowned upon in Cordonian society in general. So Olivia’s very public kiss isn’t just brazen and bold to the courtly ladies, but also viewed as inappropriate and a jab at their own lack of power in this situation.

• I love that Maxwell gets the opportunity to encourage us to play politics. Love it. He is the first one to notice the change in Kiara’s attitude towards Olivia, and he recognizes that the time is ripe for us to captialize on it. While Bertrand, or Bertrand-and-Maxwell, are the ones who tell us the importance of gaining support from the press and the royals, getting the court to support us is wholly Maxwell’s idea. This added another layer to the way he was built in the story, and I’m not happy that we didn’t see a lot of that perceptiveness and skill around court later on. By Books 2 and 3, he was mostly relegated to the funny guy, the court jester. Book 1 Maxwell may make a lot of mistakes but you bet he’d be too smart to toss brushettas in the face of dignitaries at the UN. It was like his own writers forgot Maxwell was capable of more.

• OKAY SO THE KIARA SECTION IS A FAVOURITE OF MINE OKAY. And it only wound up being a favourite when I realized there were changes in her dialogue between my Esther playthrough and my Persephone one. I mean if I weren’t already a fan of her…this definitely would have converted me.

Before I get into the actual gushing…I’ll just summarize what the MC has to do to gain her approval:

- Language: Kiara is known for her proficiency with languages - it is the skill that defines her in court (to the point that you barely notice her other qualities). Her home language is French, and if you know how to respond to comment ça va she is cheerful and more willing to hear you out (if you choose the fromage answer she’ll a bit surprised but not too hostile, and if you say voulez-vous coucher avec moi, well…of course she’ll be pissed off because you just accidentally asked her to sleep with you). In any case, to gain her approval you need to respond in French.

In fact even Kiara’s goodbyes vary based on whether she becomes your ally or not. If she’s your ally, she says à bientôt before leaving (which is “see you soon”). If she’s not convinced by your arguments, she says adieu, which has more of a sense of finality to it and is often said when you don’t expect to meet again (in fact I’m surprised they had her say it) and is different from au revior (which means “until we see each other again”).

- Olivia’s Actions: Kiara reiterates to you what she’d just told the others - Olivia is on a power trip, and while Kiki is well aware that she’s not a top contender in this competition, she is not going to stand for being treated like she is lesser than the ones who do have power. Interestingly, in both Chapter 7 of Book 2 and this chapter, Kiara’s first visible signs of discontent/frustration come when both Olivia/Madeleine go on massive power trips (“she even named a drink after herself. Quelle narcissique”, Kiara says about Madeleine in the next book).

I feel like Kiara’s frustration may have already been there with Olivia’s treatment of the ladies of the court at the start of the Ball (but perhaps she may have been brushed it aside as a strategy you could expect from a noblewoman in her own estate) but it is Olivia kissing Liam and trying to establish a claim on him that is seen as the tipping point for her.

However, she’s also pretty pragmatic and is lowkey impressed with Olivia if you state that she went too far. She is irritated by the message Olivia is sending, but acknowledges that not many would have dared to do that in her place. A more neutral response works well with Kiara’s train of thought, because to her the important thing is seeing what works in the long run, and the MC has to convince her that she is a good alternative.

- Alliance: Kiara already anticipates this, since she is the one who straight-out asks this question. At this point Kiara is not exactly aiming to be Queen - she knows she is up against more powerful people, people who have more access to the royal family (perhaps her dad Hakim would have had a similar amount of access if Constantine wasn’t such a dick). She is not going to waste her time wishing for what she won’t get, when she can easily network instead. The answer that works best with her is the one where the MC speaks of Olivia’s friendship as being a one-way street where she always gets her way, which is ironic considering how the MC behaves in a likely worse manner towards Kiara in Book 3.

• One of my favourite Kiara lines is from the wrong option (“I’m nicer than Olivia”) for the Alliance segment: “Nice? Nothing about being here is nice. If I wanted nice I’d buy a teacup pig. 😡”

• Back in Books 6’s QT, I mentioned Queen Regina and Duke Bertrand as being the two people in the first book who watch out and keep track on our progress. Bertrand does it because he is our sponsor, Regina does it because after all we are one of the candidates for her stepson’s hand in marriage, and we’re the one he eventually shows the most interest in. But there is one other person who seems to be taking notice of our good performance as well:

On my fail run, where Persy doesn’t gain approval either from the press, or from the royals, those last two lines simply do not appear. She asks us about whether we’re looking for an alliance, and we immediately answer her. She will still join hands with you if you convince her (I did a test run where Persy said all the right things) but those words will not feature anywhere. Because the dialogue is coded such that it will only appear if you’ve done well in your previous two tasks.

That is fascinating to me, because Kiara is the only lady of the court who is written as noticing these things at such an early stage in the competition (the Lythikos Ball is only the third event in the social season, and the maximum approvals come from the Derby, which was the event just preceding it). She is the only person, besides Bertrand and Regina, who keeps track of our progress (even if that is only uptil this point, because if you win her support here, it stays that way until the Coronation). Even Madeleine, who has been part of a social season before and is viewed as having a lot of experience in the court, compared to the other ladies, spends most of her time simply underestimating the MC. It isn’t until Applewood and Ramsford that Madeleine even begins to think there might be more to this person.

Kiara, on the other hand, is observant. She is competitive but she knows when other people have the upper hand, and she will honestly acknowledge that you have an edge if you have proven yourself to the press and the Queen. For someone who would be seen as just a lady of the court….that level of foresight, observation skills and pragmatism is pretty phenomenal to me.

• I’ve said this many times and I will say it again: Kiara has always been upfront about what she’s bringing to the table in an alliance. She isn’t your friend and she won’t pretend to be your friend either. She mentions she will put in a good word and support you in becoming Queen, and she keeps her promise.

She keeps her distance from you otherwise, so you can’t dub her a ‘friend’ even then, but she will do her work as an ally. She doesn’t get involved in smearing your name while supporting you to your face. At the end of the day, she is a woman in the court trying to thrive and carve a space of her own, but she won’t dirty her hands to do that - and I don’t think she gets enough recognition for that.

• Alright I’ll stop gushing about Kiki otherwise this QT will never end 😂

• We now meet Liam, who tells us about the hot tub in his room, and invites us there. The intent is clearly romantic (the MC specifies as such, smiling, and Liam winks at you before he leaves).

• This chapter also marks the second time you see Penelope with Liam, after which you will only see her directly interact with him at his Coronation. Funny how Kiara doesn’t get even one opportunity in the narrative to talk to him.

• It’s the end of our big night in Lythikos, and we’ve got three invitations to spend time with an LI! Liam’s setting up candles near the hot tub, Hana is playing exquisite melodies on the piano, and Drake is drinking whiskey in Olivia’s wine cellar. Maxwell is…doing Maxwell things that we are not privy to yet. Or taking a nap.

• I won’t be going too much into detail esp for Liam and Hana’s scenes - because I have essays written on both! Both will be under the “Liam: Diamond Scenes” and “Hana: Diamond Scenes” sections of my essay masterlist if anyone is interested 😃 They will be titled “Hot Tub at Lythikos” and “Piano at the Parlour”, respectively. (another recommended read is “Exploring Hana in Her Context” where I talk about this scene, and her characterization. It’s a little further down on the masterlist).

•

(Screenshots for Drake from the HIMEME YouTube channel)

Liam: This is undoubtedly meant to be a romantic scene, and is hinted as much in the lead-up to it while still giving the MC the space to not go (since she says “I won’t make any promises”). He puts candles around the tub, and the tub itself is situated in an area where you can get a wonderful view of the mountains.

This scene is divided into two parts: the first where Liam gets to sincerely tell the MC he trusts her (optionally) and where they lightly flirt, and the second where he admits to feeling conflicted between giving in to his feelings and being fair to the other women. At this point he knows his feelings for the MC are stronger, implicitly trusts her (“I thoroughly believe that if you thought I was a pompous ass, you wouldn’t hesitate to tell me. I trust you, MC. Anything you say”), doesn’t want to call it love just yet but is well on his way to doing so. He tells us about his brother Leo, hinting at the events of the RoE series and explaining that seeing how love affected him made Liam think more about it. It’s not one of Liam’s absolute best scenes…but it is a sweet one where Liam tentatively explores his growing love for her - in some ways leading to his “almost-declaration” of love at the Forgotten Falls. In each scene of Liam’s, he takes a step further, and another, and another, to admitting his love for her and growing less guilty about his desire to be with her. He is still torn between his duty and his desire at this point, but you can already see him slowly inching towards the prospect of keeping what he wants first, for once.

Hana: This, in my mind, is Hana’s most powerful scene. As many adjectives as I can use to describe her in this scene would be inadequate, because it’s that good, that layered, that rich with nuance and detail. But I do think I can sum a bit of it up with a quote from a Book 3 Liam scene that instantly took me back to this one:

“Hana’s a tough one. She’s clearly had the kind of lessons I’m giving you now, and then some. Her posture is almost always polite and attentive…but when she feels strongly about something, you can sense her real feelings even before she speaks up. Her eyes grow darker and more serious.”

Compare the scenes from last chapter where she speaks about ice-skating, or even waltzing, to this one. In both those scenes, her expression is mostly neutral (or joyful when she is imparting her knowledge), speaking of it in a way that makes you understand that her heart isn’t truly in doing those things. But in this one, she is lost in her music when she plays it, she is feeling its melody in her bones, she speaks of guarding her most precious skill fiercely against her parents’ control because it’s the one thing she wants for herself. She is fierce and passionate and absolutely beautiful in the way she expresses her love for music.

In an essay I did on exploring Hana’s character in her larger context, I spoke at length about how this scene is important because it highlights that her struggle for her own autonomy began at a very young age - she recognized her art as sacred to her and had the foresight to understand that parading it around the way her parents wanted her to, would make her love it less. This scene is amazing because Young Hana is described as pushing back in the only way she knew how, so she could keep what was hers, on her terms.

The other thing this scene explores is her childhood loneliness and lack of friends, and how music helped her in those difficult times too. At this point we now know how deep that loneliness was, and how damaging to her, but back then this scene gave a wonderful insight to Childhood Hana.

So for her to trust us with her art - with the art she fought to keep her own…that’s a tremendous leap in that relationship - whether the MC is a friend or a potential lover. Romantically, she is at the point where she is slowly…slowly getting comfortable with the MC’s touch, allowing it to linger before she pulls away from her. She’s a bit like a butterfly who doesn’t know yet if she’s ready to leave her cocoon.

Drake: The picture presented to us of Drake here is the diamond-in-the-rough, the underdog, the one who views court and palace differently from everyone around him. He is there to remind us that this is not the charmed place we think it is, that even friends can stick knives in our backs. He speaks of the forced politeness of the nobility, the fact that he’s here only to protect Liam, that the MC is an innocent woman who doesn’t know what she is getting into and needs protection as well.

This scene comes with what was regarded as an important plot point at the time: who almost sold pictures of Liam’s bachelor party to the press? Drake and Bastien managed to get hold of them and prevent them from being published, knowing that having those printed before the social season would cast Liam in a more negative light, and make things harder for him. At this point, Drake is sure that someone he knows and possibly considers a friend is involved (close enough, but not quite there yet), but can’t yet figure out who (because, yknow, Olivia was the brains between the two, she cracked that mystery in under five minutes or something).

If you don’t buy this scene, you only get to know about the pictures in Book 2 Chapter 4. A lot of Drake’s scenes involve important plot points - some of which we won’t even hear the same way - or at all - if we don’t buy the scene (eg. the flashback scenes about Hana’s return and the Italian restaurant scene about Liam’s assassination). I recall buying quite a few of his scenes in the latter half of Book 1 and most of Book 2 just to find out stuff about other LIs.

The scene is pretty sweet - it highlights his now-famous whiskey obsession, has Drake openly show his protectiveness towards her minus the jaded sarcastic veneer, and has him warn her about the nature of this court. It has a line that I quite liked when I first saw the scene, but that fandom has pretty much ruined for me - “the moments in between”. Where he speaks of how the nobility are so busy schmoozing and being superficial that they miss the really important parts. It’s a beautiful thought, but the fact is I’m still paying like 17 diamonds to get it, which makes it a…pretty expensive moment.

But overall…it’s a nice scene. The look and feel of it is different from the other two, and so is the purpose.

• The focus of all these three scenes is clearly trust.

Liam completely trusts her opinion of him and confesses openly his desire to let go of all that is holding him back, even though he is still confused and conflicted about his own feelings.

Hana trusts her so much, that she will share piano pieces that she lovingly composed to the MC, even though she never performs for people. It is a measure of how much Hana values the MC that she will share such a secret part of herself with her.

Drake, who once came this close to calling the MC a crown chaser, now views the same woman as an innocent who doesn’t know what she is getting into. He will later tell her that that aspect of her journey reminds him of Savannah. He trusts the MC enough to give her important information about something he still views as a possible plot targeted at Liam, and tells her their moments mean something to him.

Chapter 8 of the second book took this theme forward for the initial three LIs, by showing us trust in other forms. Liam’s firm belief in his father’s dedication to his nation (which will crumble soon). Drake’s being convinced by the MC to stay on and hear out his sister, to give her a chance to explain what really happened to her, and his emotional reunion with her. Hana’s scene…was more about gaining someone’s trust - particularly Penelope’s. (it is also one of the worst scenes the series has ever given an LI, whoever wrote that one can fall on a cactus).

We are approaching a midpoint in the story, so at this point the narrative is progressing each of these relationships towards the point where they trust this woman, view her as a valuable person in their lives, and inch ever-so-slightly towards that eventual realization that they are in love with her.

•

Another point in the Tariq shoe tally!! I wonder if this ‘ghost’ deals with 'future misdeeds’ as well…

• We spend a few more days in Lythikos before we move back to the Capitol for the Royal Regatta, and both Esther and Persy are like “YOU HAD A FEW DAYS TO ASK IF I KNEW WHAT A FUCKING REGATTA WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MAXWELL”.

• So…a lot happens this chapter. The MC begins to rope in (or not) her first allies in the court, she has a strong foothold by now and is beginning to get noticed as more than just a random contender who wouldn’t last, she gains the trust of the people she is growing close to.

But most of all…Lythikos is where Olivia begins to lose the hold she once had on the court, and this is never more apparent than if you are losing supporters rather than gaining them (if you are more popular, it won’t be that apparent, since you will move far ahead of the competition). There will be times when the press may not pay attention to her, there will be ladies who club the MC and Olivia both together as “not a proper fit for becoming a queen”. She is still very much a frontrunner, she may win the Regatta if you fail all the steps to the boat race, but after this it will be harder for her to gain support whether or not the MC succeeds.

Shortly after this point, Olivia also doesn’t antagonize the MC as blatantly as she did in Lythikos, save for a snide remark to the MC (with a life jacket of all things) if you choose to go to her yacht in the next chapter. She will eventually begin to thaw towards you in Applewood.

• Constantine and Regina are conspicuous by their absence this chapter, and Constantine announces that he is stepping down the next. Which probably means he found out sometime between the Masque and this event that he was ill (since we don’t see him at the Derby). I’m headcanoning that they visited Leo around this time (optionally with the RoE MC, since the housewarming party in Newlyweds seems to happen sometime around the social season (it could be earlier or later too…but humour me 😂)

• So…Regatta in Chapter 9! Lots of sun, fun and (Persephone-willing) PLENTY of mess.

• Before I sign of, here is Persy’s Share of Mess this chapter (except for the bloodcurdling scream she gives when Olivia kisses Liam, I forgot to screenshot that 🙈 How on earth did Maxwell’s poor ears survive??):

• Until next week, folks!

–

• Tally Counts:

Number of Times Drake has Called Esther/Persy by Their First Names: 5

Number of Times Tariq Has Mentioned His Shoes: 3

Number of Times Drake Has Taken An Alcoholic Drink that’s Not Whiskey: 1

Number of Times Someone Has Called A Reigning Monarch 'Your Highness’: 2

Number of Times You Can Leave Hana Shook. SHOOK I TELLS YA: 4

Number of Times We See Penelope’s Angryface: 2

–

#long post #the royal romance #trr quick thoughts #trr qts #hana lee #trr kiara #king liam #olivia nevrakis #drake walker #i stan for kiki #this was honestly one of my fave chapters to write for

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ghoulcandy · 5 years

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any tips on being a professional artist on the internet? I always love how polished your work is, and how u seem really competent with self marketing/professionalism and i'm just like, how do u do it? i wanna be a better presence on the internet/art community but i'm baffled about where/how to start

Hey! So I’m going to condense everything I know as best I can, but I don’t want to leave anything out. These are all of the things I keep in mind when posting online. I won’t really go into how to seek out employment, though, since that’s not really in my sphere.

* I asked crims via PM if they were comfortable with me posting my reply, so please feel free to reblog this as well!

Good luck and I love ya!!!

Make a Name For Yourself

Marketing yourself can be difficult enough as it is, but try to put thought into what you post and when! I do my best to avoid posting sketches onto my art blog, and save them for my personal blog and twitter.

Don’t just post on one site! It’s slow going to build a brand, which is why I regret waiting for so long to actually use my twitter.

Speaking of, register a domain! I purchased ghoultreats.com for $12 through google domains, and the url redirects to my art blog. (I’m still working on having the url display properly, but tumblr won’t let me :/)

All things considered, tumblr is a pretty good site to build a portfolio on, but the name does tend to give itself away. Wix is pretty good, too, so you could do the same thing there.

If you want to work under an alias, find an artist tag that’s snappy and recognizable, as well as one you could see yourself using for years. If you want to be taken seriously, avoid posting work under something memey, numbered, or clearly related to a fandom / intellectual property (I kept ‘ghoul’ because people usually don’t identify it as a Fallout reference.)

Understand that your tone is all people have to go by what you’re like personally when looking at your site. When you post, use concise captions--I do my best to never leave a picture un-captioned. Aesthetic stuff is fine but ‘idk lol i just drew it haha’ is unacceptable for your portfolio.

Fanart is gradually being seen as more acceptable to include in your portfolio these days, but try to gave it at a 1:9 ratio of fan stuff to original content.

Use tags, but tastefully. “#artists on tumblr” is a classic go-to and one that’s tracked by many people. Tag a few of the most prominent items in your piece for traffic visibility, especially if it’s a fan work. Same with Twitter.(also, following the Dec. 17 2018 update, it wouldn’t hurt to throw in a #sfw)

Join a Community

One annoying thing about tumblr is how unofficial the social circles are; on DeviantArt, you have groups, forums, and chat rooms, which all lend themselves to creating specific areas to share content and network. Tumblr doesn’t have that, obviously, so following tags and reaching out is about the best you can do.

So, 1. Join a discord server. If you see someone post about a server that interests you, look into it! Creative-centric discords are great for meeting new people and spreading your influence.

2. Join a zine! They’re fun collaborative efforts, you get to flex your creative muscles for the chance to create something you might not usually be able to produce (keychains, enamel pins, etc) and be featured alongside other artists! Plus, you can put it on a resume.

3. Submit your work to a convention artist alley! This does, of course, require you to have product to sell, but conventions are a FANTASTIC way to meet other artists.

Reaching out / networking / making friends can be scary, but as long as you’re respectful and friendly, things usually turn out okay! Remember, we’re all a bunch of self-conscious nerds. Reblogging/Retweeting and replying is a x2-hit combo. All artists love it.

Act Like A Professional

ie: fake it til you make it

I haven’t gone to art college. I can’t afford it, and frankly, for what I do, I don’t think I need to. This is NOT to devalue the importance of education, but to bring attention to the fact that currently, many network show runners and employees are alumni of the same school. Even Netflix’s new animation studio is run by those same people. So be honest about your education, but know that going to an art college isn’t required to become a professional.

Separate your socials from your professionals. It seems obvious, but far too often I’ve seen people use their main blogs as their portfolios. Don’t do that!However, Twitter is kind of a different beast, and it’s usually a bit more acceptable to post socially there, but I recommend linking to your portfolio right in your bio.

Periodically go through your portfolio and remove works that no longer reflect your skill as an artist. Now is the time to be self-critical. I’m not saying “DELETE EVERYTHING” but go in every few months with an eye for detail.

I also suggest not trying too hard to have A Style that you’re known for. The way we draw changes naturally over time, so please! Experiment, try new things and new mediums, and for the love of god, accept criticism. Tumblr communities have a habit of harboring a very anti-crit mentality, which stunts art growth and improvement.

Understand that critique is not a personal attack. You don’t have to adhere to every piece of advice that’s given to you, but understand that others’ perspectives of your work are valid and necessary. We create for others, so what they have to say is important.

Don’t use too many pages on your site. All you really need is an about page, contact info, and your main gallery. List your best, most recent achievements (ie: storyboard artist for x, character animator for y) on the about page.

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF -- LEGIT. NOT A JOKE.

DROP self-deprecating commentary. When you feel bad about how someone is better than you, realize that you don’t know what their life is like. We’re all on different skill levels. Instead of saying, ‘wow, I’ll never be THAT good,’ evaluate what MAKES their art good. Save the pictures, study them, appreciate them!

Remember, someone thinks the same thing about your art.

I hope this has helped!

#long post #art advice #artists on tumblr #see im even using these tags as an example #crimson-miz

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sweetnestor · 6 years

Text

odlt extra #1 | a very jet lagged valentine

‘but you havent even finished odlt yet’ shuuuuttt up

idk idk!!!! i was feeling Soft and slightly lonely on v-day for god knows what reason and i just,,,,,,, vomited this out!!! here is a teeny tiny break from all the Angst that the main fic has to offer. enjoy

PREVIOUS FICS (u should read these if ur new here)(srsly this is ethan x oc)

February 2018, aka when the European tour started.

CrankGameplays: “Happy valentine’s day! You’re my favorite person and im glad i get to experience all the things with you. Love you :)”

You’d think he would post one of the many decent candid photos he’s taken of me. You know, one where my highlight was catching the light, or one where I was smiling, or one of the two of us looking disgustingly adorable. But no, Ethan went with the photo he took of me passed out on our bed in our Amsterdam hotel room, my wavy pink hair sprawled out in an ungraceful manner. I wasn’t supposed to fall asleep, nor was he. It just happened. And now my sleepy self was all over Instagram.

Ethan was just as groggy when I shook him awake. Unlike me, he was a very handsy, cuddly being when he was sleepy. He rolled onto his side and groaned in the way he would when he wanted to hold me, so I scooted into his arms and let him.

His skin was warm and weirdly soothing. We were supposed to be getting out of bed… I was supposed to be insomniac due to sheer anxiety. Time zones were out to get us. Yet somehow, it felt like the holiday itself.

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” I spoke softly into his collarbone.

He squeezed my shoulders and kissed the top of my head. “Did you see my picture?”

“Oh, did I.”

“I meant every word I said.”

Ah yes, that extra bit of validation. I smiled as I wrapped my arms around his waist. I had no idea what time it was, so I didn’t know how much time we had before we had to be in the lobby with everyone else.

“When’s the next time we’ll be alone a hotel room?” I asked, now looking up at Ethan.

He shrugged. “No idea. Why?”

“Do you think we’ll be able to sneak around like we did last time around?”

If he was struggling to wake up before, then my question sped up the process. He met my eyes, red tinting his cheeks. “Oh… I don’t know. Do you want to sneak around?”

“If we can,” I told him as I leaned in to kiss the crook of his neck. “If not then… we're alone now.”

That was all I had to say to make run late. Excuse: jet lag.

I was grumpy and tired when it was time to get up and do the tour thing all over again. I had a rough flight… or, two flights. We had stopped in London between flights, in which I had a panic attack and a case of the nervous shits while everyone else ate and tried not to fall asleep. Then, we were off to the Netherlands, where I fell asleep the second I got to the hotel. Ethan fell asleep too, but not before taking pictures of my sleeping, drooling face. I didn’t really mind that he would do that. I took my own photos of him while we were on the plane.

And that was what I posted on Instagram that morning in the shuttle on the way to the venue. I picked a selfie of me clutching a pillow to my chest on the plane ride over here. Ethan was in the seat next to me, his head tilted back as he slept. As sleep deprived and generally nervous as I was, I was seriously considering captioning the photo with something absolutely cheesy and deep. I actually started writing it out.

bellasanti: “To the guy who found me at my lowest point, who helped me get to where i am now… the person who has always been nothing but kind and wonderful since day 1. My biggest supporter and my best friend… I cant even begin to explain how lucky i am to have found you, and how proud i am of you and how far you’ve come. I love you more than words could describe 💙💖💙💖💙💖”

A small smile was etched on my face as I read the caption over and over again. I looked over at Ethan, who was practically standing as he “touched lenses” with Mark. They were both vlogging and being rather loud about it. More than a year later, and my heart still went all soft and mushy just by looking at Ethan do what he does best. Gross, I know.

Suddenly, the caption felt far too revealing. I had hit two million Instagram followers recently, plenty of which were also Ethan’s. Did I really want to expose bits and pieces of our relationship? I mean, it’s not like we interact a lot online, anyway. We liked to keep some things private. I copied the original caption, and then deleted it apart from the hearts. Then, I made the photo public. I sent the words to him in a Twitter DM instead, knowing he wouldn’t see it until much later.

He sat back down in his seat a couple minutes later, looking back at the footage he just recorded on his camera. I glanced at him once, and then continued looking through my phone.

“Love you,” I said softly and mindlessly.

He suddenly looked up, as if I didn't say that all the time, just loud enough so he could catch it. I saw him look at me through my peripherals, I could tell he was blushing.

“Love you too,” he replied, poking my cheek.

Finally, he put his camera down and pulled out his phone. Neither of us said anything more, but I was somewhat anxiously awaiting him to notice either my DM or my Instagram post. Somehow, just silently sitting next to each other while scrolling on our phones became one of my favorite pastimes.

“Aww,” he mumbled at one point.

I glanced over his shoulder once, only to see a flash of Jack and Signe on his Twitter feed. Why hadn't he seen his DMs yet? What was taking him so long?

Feeling uncharacteristically mushy, I lied my head on his shoulder. He smelled good, and he was soft and cuddly as ever. I was suddenly missing our short time alone back in the hotel room. We wouldn't be alone together until next month, and it suddenly seemed like a difficult challenge.

Last month, when the tour went West, Ethan and I did a full three sixty. Instead of angrily texting each other and crying in bathroom stalls, we were sexting and getting it on in the dressing room, the bathroom, and even once in my bunk when everyone else was asleep. It showed just how strong we had gotten over the last few months. But because of those raunchy activities from not only tour but also when we were home, I went to great lengths to make sure my birth control hadn't failed me. I didn’t have any symptoms, apart the usual anxiety nausea, but I still worked up the courage to schedule a doctor’s appointment prior to tour. So far, my uterus wasn’t occupying anything I didn’t want it to.

Ethan put his arm around me just as mindlessly as when I said I loved him. He was still scrolling on his phone, now on Instagram. This time, I saw him scroll up to my post, and he made a noise of protest.

“When did you take that?” he asked, showing me the plane selfie.

“When do you think?” I asked in response. “You have the best sleeping face.”

He chuckled. “You know you’re the only person who tells me that? Everyone else says it’s creepy.”

“I mean it is,” I said, half joking. “But you’re my boyfriend, and I always think you’re cute. Even when you sleep with your eyes half open.”

Ethan blushed and ducked his head a little. He always grew a little timid when I complimented or praised him. It was equally parts adorable and frustrating, because he never took the compliment.

“Stop,” he said softly.

“Have you checked your DMs?” I asked, unable to wait any longer.

He gave me a look and then went to open the app. “Well, what did you send me now…?” he asked in a funny voice.

I busied myself with intertwining my fingers with his. Then I kissed his hand and waited for him to read my sappy message.

“Aw…” He smiled. He was speaking very softly, like he didn't want the people sitting around us to hear. “That's real sweet… real cute…”

“I was gonna post that on Instagram, but decided that only you can hear things like that,” I replied in a voice just as soft. “And it's not just today, I feel that every day.”

“Aahhhh,” he groaned, now scooping me up in his arms.

Except, he did it in a way so my back was to his chest, and my head hung out in the walkway of the shuttle, capturing the attention of some of the people around us.

“Hey,” I said to Tyler, who was sitting in front of us.

“What’s up?” he replied casually. “Just hanging, I see?”

“Just hanging,” I repeated.

“Whatcha doing, Bella?” asked Mark from a couple of rows behind.

I turned my head and saw him with his vlogging camera. My cheeks reddened a little bit. “I’m not here by choice!”

“She said nice things and deserved hugs!” Ethan said.

“God, we’re gross,” I said under my breath before I was let go.

#crankgameplays x oc #ethan nestor x reader #odlt fic #odlt extra #ylh extra #ethella fic #sweetheart writes #stand back i thINK IM GONNA VOMIT #for real when i was writing this i was like *insert heart emojis*#now im just itching to get back to angsty sad shit lmao #anyway ill make a masterlist of all the extra one shots ive posted that have to do with this series #figured it would be nice to see bella and her boyf and her pals in a moment of Fun and Peace ya feel me #i have bella and ethans whole life all planned out lmao like #ive invested way too much time in these nerds #OH MY GOD i also have to post the angsty belliplier i promised skdhlask #maybe tomorrow or the next day

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winterbvrnes · 7 years

Text

Flowers [B.Barnes]

request (x) by @tieddown-withbattleshipchains

summary: You begin to find sweet gifts and cute letters left around your apartment, but you don’t know who they’re from… until you catch him red-handed.

wc: 1668

note: idk how i feel abt this & its prob riddled with errors [ps. i’m looking for a betareader ;)] also check that↓ out

Aly’s 600 Follower Writing Challenge

tw: mentions of Hydra and other enemies, second-hand embarrassment(?), sneaking around (intrusion?), and some cute blushing Buck

They started showing up on June 5th. You don’t know why, or how (seriously, you were pretty sure you’d locked your door when you left that morning) but when you got over the creepy aspect, you began to look forward to the little gifts that would show up.

The first ‘gift’ that showed up scared you a bit. When you walked into your quarters after a tiring day of dealing with press and saw the little chocolate and note card you were positive it was one of three things.

1) Tony being an ass and playing some kind of prank,

2) Hydra (or some other enemy) had broken in and was taunting you, or

3) Nat was feeling sweet today and left you a gift.

Tony had been on a week long mission since Monday (it was only Wednesday), so he wouldn’t have bothered to set this up. The compound is pretty much the most secure building on this planet (other than Damage Control’s warehouse) so that rules out anyone getting in undetected, or bothering to only to leave a candy. There is no way Nat was feeling sweet enough today, not after the asskicking you gave her in training this morning. So, you’re stuck.

With no clue why the candy is there, you kick your door shut and venture over to read the note.

Good job with the press today, I’m sure you did amazing. You always are, and so sweet too; sweeter than this cherry chocolate. Enjoy the rest of your evening by relaxing and destressing, and don’t let those reporters get the best of ya.

The sweet little message is written in beautiful penmanship, and signed with an adorable little smiley-face drawn by a heart. Your lips quirk up as warmth spreads through you at the kind and charming words. But, while they’re sweet, you can’t help but be a little put-off by the thought of someone coming into your room while you were away and leaving this intimate note and a candy (to which you were compared, which shows attention) without saying who they are. Your brows furrow as you place the note back down on the end-table, leaving the chocolate next to it to be safe, before going about your night.

It was two weeks before you received another gift. This time it was a small bouquet of your favorite flowers, bundled up neatly and left on your nightstand next to another note card signed with the same smiley-face. Your brows furrow and you look around, already knowing that you won’t see anyone, but trying anyway. Coming up empty, as expected, you lift the flowers to your face and sniff, inhaling the delicate aroma. Once again feeling a little odd about finding such a romantic gift in your room, you place them on the kitchenette counter and wander into your bathroom to put away your mission gear and shower.

After cleaning up, you finally break and place the bouquet in a vase and fill it with water to display on your windowsill. You smile slightly when you step back to take in the sight. The colors of the petals nearly glow in the sunlight, and you can’t resist snapping a picture for instagram. You caption it and post, watching the hundreds of like immediately flood in (the Avengers are very popular on instagram).

After that, the gifts continue to pour in; from flowers to little stuffed animals to personal care packages, each one incredibly thoughtful and topped with a note card. Whether signed with only a smiley-face, or joined by a cute paragraph, you began to look forward to hearing from this person. Their kindness and charming way began to win you over, despite your initial feelings of being intruded upon.

When you told the girls, Nat had simply rolled her eyes and laughed while Wanda gushed. “You have a secret admirer! That is so cute! I wonder who it is!?” Pepper, having walked into the conversation, had snickered and shared a look with Nat. You’d brushed it off, thinking they were on a different topic, and listened as Wanda named names and considered the possibility of it being them.

That’s where you are now, sitting on the couch listening to Wanda (for the third time that week) update you on her list’s status. After you received your fifth gift (a gorgeous smelling bathbomb and set of little candle) Wanda had started writing down the traits of each team mate that could be a tell for who-dun-it. You sigh, gaze drifting from Wanda’s list over to where Steve and Bucky sit, talking. You tune Wanda out and get lost in a daydream of the handsome soldier, watching as his blue eyes crinkle when he laughs, the brown strands of his hair falling from the bun at the nape of his neck. You rest your chin on the palm of your hand, imagining loosening his hair from the tie and running your fingers through it, feeling the silky waves between your fingers before fisting your hand and tugg–

“Hey! Earth to [Y/N]!” Wanda snaps her fingers in your face, drawing you out of your head. You flush upon realizing that Bucky is looking at you amusedly and you snap upright, turning to glare at Wanda.

“What?” You hiss, embarrassed as you rub your cheeks in an attempt to make them less hot. Wanda snickers and flicks her hair off her shoulder.

“You were staring,” she says simply and you open your mouth to vehemently deny her implications when Steve cuts you off.

“Wanda,” he interrupts, sending you a knowing glance (the one that reeks of Captain America) and placing his massive hand on her shoulder, “Vision told me he was looking for you, something about a movie tonight?” Steve nudges Wanda, not very subtly, and she beams, nodding. “I’ll take you to him.” As Steve passes, he gives Bucky a firm pat on the shoulder and you grimace at being left alone with the assassin. Not because you don’t enjoy spending time with Bucky, but because you enjoy it too much.

You give Bucky an awkward smile, which he reciprocates, before hiking a thumb toward the elevator and saying, “I should probably go train.”

“Oh, yeah, of course, go ahead,” you stutter out, flushing as Bucky sends you a smile and leaves, ever so calm and collected: the complete opposite of you. As the doors close and Bucky sends you a wave with his metal arm, you realize you’d been staring again, and blush heavier, turning to bury your face in your hands when he disappears. “Oh, fuck me.”

After your awkward encounter with Bucky, you’d decided it was time for a night out with Nat. Since she and Clint had moved out of the compound together, you’d been slacking on your weekly Nat-Nights. Lucky for you, Clint had just left on a brief mission with Wanda, leaving you free to get drunk and watch terrible Rom-Coms with Natasha.

“I’m heading out, Steve!” You holler from your doorway, leaving without waiting for Steve’s reply. He’s busy watching the newest Game of Thrones episodes with Bucky and Sam, so it’s likely he didn’t really process your shout. You sling your duffel bag over your shoulder and head to the garage.

Bucky glances over his shoulder towards the elevator, watching the number get smaller as you leave, waiting for the best time to do his thing. When the display reads B1 Bucky throws himself over the back of the couch and he rushes to his room. Steve and Sam watch him speed off and share a knowing look, Sam scoffing and rolling his eyes as they return their attention to the GOT marathon.

With the proper supplies in hand, Bucky sneaks his way to your door and tests the knob. Finding it unlocked (as you’d taken to leaving it since the gifts started coming) he steps inside, closing the door behind himself carefully. He’s standing at the kitchenette counter, arranging the presents when the door creaks open. Bucky freezes, wide eyes darting up to see you standing there, mouth agape.

“U-uh, wha-ho-why-what?” You stutter out, duffel bag landing on the floor with a thud. Bucky puts his hands up defensively.

“I can explain,” he says, shuffling in place awkwardly.

You let out a disbelieving laugh. “You’re my secret admirer?” Never did you believe that James Buchanan Barnes could possibly be the one leaving you trinkets. The man you’ve had a crush on for months.

Bucky sighs. “I- Well, yeah.” He blushes a vibrant, the heat creeping up his neck. “I mean, I guess so? But, I mean, only if you like them, ‘cause if not then you’ve got the wrong guy. But- um, uh, yeah, I’ve been leaving you stuff… “ His face paints itself a deeper scarlet. “I’ve had a crush on you for a while and Steve said I should tell you, but Sam joked that I should leave you chocolate on your pillow like a hotel, and I thought it was stupid but then I got the idea to leave you presents, so Steve helped me ‘cause I’m not as good as I was back in the day, and I really like you–”

You cut him off by firmly pressing your lips against his, silencing any further rambling. His mouth is soft on yours and you smile, feeling heat on your cheeks. You pull back when you don’t feel Bucky respond. A frown settles itself on your face when you meet Bucky staring at you wide-eyed.

“I-I’m sorry, I thought…” You sigh in embarrassment and turn to leave, but Bucky’s hand grips your arm gently and pulls you back to him, allowing his hands to drift down your sides and settle on your hips.

His cocky grin is back, full blown when he says, “So, you like-like me?” You snort and flick his chest with an eyeroll at his words.

“Obviously, you doofus,” you whisper as his lips once again press against yours, feather soft.

Tag List for Bucky is Open

(strikethrough couldn’t be tagged, message me if the url is off or if want to be added/removed)

@fly-f0rever @dont-speak-just-read @sammywinchetre @theulimatefangirll

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