#i genuinely cannot express how sad i am rn

[panicatthetwentyonechemicalboys]

at least we get this small win.

[ghouljams]

Ohmygod i have an obsession w price n witchhh!!! In my head after the events of tapped price comes back w his metaphorical tail between his legs bc before witch's wards kicked him out, she looked at him!! And was like price? And he def realised that she trusted him so much in that moment liek her instinct was to look at him bc she cannot believe he would let something hurt her let something of his (gaz) hurt her, not to deal w gaz or the fae magic, yk?? He def feels as awful as he can bc she trusted him and im making my own heart ache rn

It is genuinely so rrrrrrrrrr I am feral about that one moment in particular, because you're hitting the nail on the head. She trusted him, trusted that he wouldn't bring anyone/anything to her that would hurt her, trusted that he was looking out for her, and he gets that moment of his Witch's trust being shattered before he's forced out. That single "Price?" is a "How could you let this happen?" And it fucking kills him.

Price doesn't come by to see you for days. A week passes, then another, with his nose in his work. He can't face you, can't get your wide eyed shock out of his head, the bright crimson of your blood as it dripped from your nose. He can't shake the lingering ache of your magic in his bones, still working off Gaz's accidental curse. How could one mistake shake him so badly? Nothing shakes him.

Still, when his feet carry him down the familiar path to your garden he flinches at your sunshine. The overgrown garden that once seemed so comfortable now seems to only remind him of his failure. He stays in the treeline, watches you hum as you tend to your plants. You wipe the sweat from your forehead and roll your shoulders back, alive and well.

Why can't he forget the way you'd clung to him? His heart clenches in his chest each time he remembers the way you'd sagged against him, unable to keep yourself up any longer. It was the first time in a long time your wards had bit their thorns into him, distrustful and violent. You'd said his name like a plea for answers he didn't have, and it haunted him. How could he let this happen? How could he bring pain into your house? How could he stay away so long, avoiding you like the plague? A stern reminder of his own shortcomings.

You look towards your garden gate with eyes full of longing, something soft and sad dragging your brows together. Price steels himself to make his way towards your garden, then turns and leaves. He can face the court and all its dangers, but one witch turns him into a coward.

He makes sure to get to your garden wall before you come out the next day. Somehow that feels easier. The thought that you might look out your window and choose to ignore him sticks like a knife between his ribs, but it's better than having to approach you. When you do come out you're struggling with a tea tray, keeping the door open with your hip as you maneuver the delicate set out of your house. Price pushes off the wall.

"Let me help," He offers.

"No," you snap too quickly, "No, I'm- the wards are still all out of whack." Your explanation is almost as bad as your denial. He can feel the hum of your magic, the barrier as strong and friendly to him as ever, not a hair out of place. The wards are almost apologetic, not that Price holds it against them for doing their job. No. It's you, your expression is kind but your eyes are unsure.

You carry yourself like you did ages ago, like you don't trust him. Kind, not friendly.

Price swallows down his pride, and keeps out of your way as you set up tea on your garden wall. You set a steaming mug of spiced wine in front of him. It smells like an apology. What do you have to apologize for?

"Sweetheart," Price picks up the mug, his fingers tight on the rim of it, you hum questioningly, "you wouldn't be thinkin' of sayin' sorry for something, would you?" You pause your fussing with the precarious placement of your plate of cookies.

"Of course not," You don't look at him, "but if I was-"

"You shouldn't," Price cuts you off. He sips his mug as you fidget --he's never seen you do that-- it makes his stomach twist unpleasantly. "I would've made the same call," he assures you.

"You wouldn't have let it happen in the first place," You tell him, "I shouldn't have-" You cut yourself off, staring at your tea. Shouldn't have trusted him, Price thinks.

"I should have stopped him," he tells you.

"Is that why you haven't come to see me?" Your voice is so soft, and so god damned perceptive. The way you look at him makes his heart stop, like you can see straight through him. You'd make an excellent creditor if you ever wanted a career change, leading him exactly where you want him.

"Yes," Price admits. Your guard melts away, smile softening just for him. You could take a man's breath away looking at him like that.

"Stop that," You break a piece off one of the cookies with an air of finality, "you'll just have to find some other way to make it up to me."

"I'll think of something," He murmurs into his mug. He'd spend the rest of his life making it up to you if you'd let him. For now he contents himself with your small smile, an olive branch that what's broken can be repaired. If it ever was broken in the first place.

[onyourowndaisymae]

Yoo I have two request which I’ll send the other one separately but I am in an ANGSTY mood rn sooo yah also been binging ur headcanons and stuffs and I just love the way you write ?? It’s so entertaining lol

AnywY the actual request: can you write like a one shot or headcanons if you prefer of mc who is struggling after the belphie incident ?? Like they feel like they’ve mostly forgiven him and can act normally around him and they’re friends and take naps together but sometimes the flash back just HITS THEM and they have nightmares and panic attacks that can be so bad sometimes someone needs to get Simeon to calm them down. Maybe something of how the brothers react/treat mc and belphie? Idk I’m just thirsting for like MEGA ANGST rn bc my dad made me cry little bit lmao 😭

it comes at night

hello anon! i'm terribly sorry you're in such an angsty mood, though i thank you for all the love-- and for sending this request right as these ideas were on the front of my mind. it genuinely makes me so happy to see people enjoying my work, and it makes all the writer's block and such worth it. i cannot express enough how much i love seeing all the comments, reblogs, etc. as people engage with my work.

anyways. i'm not sure how i feel about this piece, especially with how LONG it ended up being, but maybe that's just my mushy brain talking after looking at it too long. regardless-- i hope you enjoy (well, y'know, in like a sad and angsty way).

synopsis: you thought you would be able to move on like all the others. your body was healed, your anxiety tucked neatly behind a mental wall built to keep you safe. yet something in you was stuck. you couldn't just move on. you were trapped in a battle between your friendship with belphegor and the fear gnawing at your brain as you remembered what exactly he did to you. when the dam finally breaks, your whole brain floods with terror, until you're swept away with it. nobody can save you now.

genre: angst, no happy end, just a big ol spoonful of sadness

word count: ~3.1k

content warnings: chapter 16 spoilers, graphic(?) discussions of death, depictions of panic attacks, nightmares, mc progressively getting worse from fear + lack of sleep

it's funny how time works. 

you'd been around your fair share of years. you’d grown, you’d changed, you’d spent your entire life looking toward the future you had planned. then you, a mere human, were yanked into an unfamiliar world. you spent an entire year in the devildom– a year that simultaneously dragged on and flew by– and came out the other side a new person. a single year in the devildom has changed you more than the human realm has your entire life. time was a mischievous thing, always leaving you chasing behind in a fruitless pursuit of something you’ll never quite understand.

but, she also brings blessings with her. they say that time heals all wounds. you've always agreed with that sentiment. scraped knees and adolescent broken hearts are swept away with the passing days, trailing further and further behind you until one day you forget to look back and remember them. the pain scribbled down on diary pages or cried into pillow cases no longer stings like a fresh burn. these things are nothing but scars now. time has a special way of patching you up, of rubbing your back until the tears clear up and you can finally see again. that is how it's always been. 

where is time when you need it? 

she hasn't quite abandoned you, this much is true. cuts and bruises heal over the passing days. your hair and nails still grow. your body still changes, slowly but surely, marching onwards week after week. yet your mind is trapped in stasis. you struggle to break free, but at times the rot consumes you whole, until you’re crying under the covers and begging from respite from the memories. 

on the worst nights, you find yourself in the attic again, watching the door between you and belphegor swing open. you watch yourself march towards death.

you can still feel his hands around your neck, digging his claws into your fragile human skin like you're made of sand. the scent of blood-- your own blood, on the floors, on the walls, leaking from your torso and staining your clothes a permanent maroon-- still clings to the inside of your nose. even your wildest dreams could not erase the sight of his smug grin, the way his eyes lit up looking at your battered body.

no one person should have to carry the weight of realizing they're going to die. that's what you thought about when your body hit the bottom of the stairs, when belphegor tossed you down from the attic with a harsh laugh and punted your limp body into the entrance hall. you thought about how unfair this all was. you were just trying to help. you thought you were doing the right thing.

one of the worst parts of your untimely demise was watching the others react. the voices pool together in your head, like the colors of the rainbow twisting together on the surface of an oil spill. asmo's panicked shriek blends into satan's angry shouts, desperate to understand what's going on. lucifer's yelling almost drowns out the fearful cries coming from levi, held back by a very silent beel. 

but above all of that, you remember mammon. your first man, the first demon who took a chance on the defenseless little human, rushing to your side and gathering you in his arms like you were about to break. his hand on the side of your face, the tears streaming down his face, the shaky, desperate voice assuring you that you'll be okay and begging you to hang on, okay? please don't leave me. you can't remember if he was shaking or if it was your body's last ditch effort to stay conscious-- maybe both. your trembling fingers intertwined with his. words came out of your mouth, and you're not sure what exactly you said, but he only cried harder in response. 

and then, as your eyes shut for the final time, you woke at the bottom of the attic stairs. you had cheated death. 

your price? you had to carry the memories. 

the world kept spinning. days passed in the devildom. you returned to school, kept on top of your homework, spent your days in the house of lamentation alongside the seven demon brothers. you even got to know belphegor as he navigated his return home. he quickly grew fond of you. that, in and of itself, was jarring. but you returned each and every smile with one of your own. his actions were rooted in his own grief for his sister, you knew, and for that you could not fault him. you helped him repair the severed relationships between him and his elder siblings, stitching the family back together like a prized quilt until the seams of betrayal were sufficiently hidden. 

time is a traitorous bitch. why did she choose now to leave your wounds bare and bleeding?

everyone moved on but you. everyone got to wake up in the mornings without a nagging anxiety holding them back. the others could hang out with belphegor day in and day out without a growing feeling of dread popping up when you think you're safe. 

he killed you. he was grieving. your blood drenched the entryway floors as he laughed. he has grown. you watched the light leave mammon's eyes as you slipped away. belphie has been nothing but kind to you since that day. you fucking died. 

you wish your mind could pick a side. did you forgive him, or did you resent him? was he your friend, or your killer? these answers evaded you in the dead of night as you struggled to sleep again. it was becoming more common for you to lose hours of rest to these nagging fears. who are you? are you even you anymore? did the switch in timelines scatter your atoms across countless universes, leaving the you that looks back at you in the mirror nothing more than a hollow shell? 

you thought that you could keep your mind on a tight leash, keep your cards close to your chest as you continued to live with the brothers. you were wrong.

the first meltdown came during a nap with belphie. you had grown to trust him-- you thought you trusted him-- enough to sleep around him. he'd coax you every so often into an afternoon nap. always in the light of day, always your choice. and for many afternoons, you were perfectly content with this arrangement. belphie was warm and cuddly, a perfect companion for a lazy afternoon. he had this way of making you feel safe as you slept-- the nightmares couldn't come when he was snuggled up next to you, when you were sure his actions were ones of affection and not another trick to gain your trust.

one afternoon, while the sun was beginning to set, you stirred under the warmth of the blankets. the body next to yours lingered close, steady breaths lulling you back to dreamland. you could stay like this forever, you thought.

and then you felt it. the gentle graze of a familiar cow tail against your skin.

something inside of you, a dam you didn't even know was there, snapped. a hot flash of panic rose up your throat as your whole body jerked away from the feeling. your eyes shot open and you found yourself in the last place you needed to be right now: the attic. you pulled yourself out of bed before your brain could catch up. colors flashed across your vision as a consequence. you whipped around, disoriented and upset, and spotted a sleeping belphie in the bed where you once were.

a sleeping, demon belphie.

the familiar curve of his horns made your throat spasm as you tried to breathe. the colors flashed in your vision again-- oh god, what a terrible time to be left defenseless-- as your brain tried to drag you back to that day. you could practically see his face shift from relief to malicious, insidious joy as he began to attack you.

"hehe... does it hurt? finding it hard to breathe? i'm sure it must be very unpleasant."

please. please no.

" i have to say, seeing a human face twisted in pain like this... why, it's so much fun that i can barely stand it! i... i can't contain the laughter!"

you weren't quite sure when you hit the ground, but it was loud enough to wake belphegor from his slumber. he peeled his body off the mattress, slow and dazed, as he looked for you.

"mc? what're you... what's going on?"

please don't. this can't be happening.

your lungs collapsed from the weight of your own panic. you gasped-- once, twice, as your vision went in and out. were you bleeding? your hand loosely brushed at the front of your clothes, but couldn't process whether that was blood or your vivid imagination. were you even breathing? your head felt light and heavy at the same time. the wires in your brain were all crossed, sending both resuscitation and shutdown signals to each part of your body. this feeling... this was too familiar.

were you dying?

"mc, what's going on?"

you came face to face with belphegor. your friend, your killer. the demon who had lured you up to this very attic to kill you, now gripping your shoulders as interrogated you inches from your face.

you screamed. you screamed until your brain shut off completely, leaving you in an inky pit of darkness as your consciousness slipped away.

the house was in disarray for several days. apparently, lucifer came in shortly after you passed out, mammon at his heels, to save the day. you woke up later in his bed, the room cold and empty, with a throbbing head and a tear stained pillow. you stumbled out into his office to find him at his desk, lost in some paperwork like always. the solemn look he gave you as your eyes met told you everything you needed to know.

from this day forth, your fear was now your constant companion.

nobody in the house of lamentation knew how to move forward. not you, not the brothers, not the widening gap growing between you all with each passing day spent in emotional limbo. finally, lucifer called everyone to a family meeting where, over the course of an hour or two, everyone came to an agreement to acknowledge what had happened and why, promised to be mindful of this trauma that you're carrying, and move forward like you requested.

silent days slowly but surely filled back up with laughter again. the brothers came back to your side at their own pace-- asmo first, within a matter of hours, then mammon shortly after, then the others in the following days.

belphegor was the last to come around. his silence spoke volumes about his guilt. he had no clue how to comfort you. he'd do anything to repent for his actions. yet that was the way that life worked, didn't it? some actions simply cannot be undone.

but you didn't let that stop you. despite the panic that closed your throat every time you saw him for the next month, you slowly earned his friendship again. you assured him that the attic incident was a one time thing, the remnants of a lost nightmare blending into your consciousness as you awoke.

until it wasn't a one time thing.

the nightmares crept up on you. the first one happened, of course, that same night, as you thrashed and wept into lucifer's pillows. then a week later, another. a week and a half after that, another. the frequency eventually became higher and higher, until you started planning your sleep schedule (or lack thereof) around your new insomniac tendencies. but even you couldn't manage to stay awake forever.

on a bad night, you'd wake up in tears, crying weakly to yourself as you tried to coax yourself back to bed. on worse nights, you'd shoot up out of bed, limbs tingling in fear, opting to spend the rest of the night in the common room until the others woke for the day. on the worst night, you finally broke. you shattered worse than you could have imagined.

you finally collapsed into bed, body shutting down after a three days of minimal sleep. you were starting to get shaky from the lack of rest, and your lack of appetite was upsetting the others. you crawled under the covers and let your brain slip out of your hands and off to dreamland.

what a fool you were to think you'd get by without nightmares.

visions of demonic teeth tearing at your flesh filled your head. you tried to run away, tried desperately to wake yourself up, but their claws sunk into your flesh. the pain was vivid, was real. memories of your death lived underneath your skin, ready to resurface in the dark of night when there was no escape. you fought back as best you could, kicking and screaming and trying to run, but you were no match for the supernatural strength of your demons. you eventually gave in, an act of learned helplessness, and surrendered yourself to your worst nightmares.

you woke up choking on your own tears. heaving, gasping breaths tried to save you, mixing with coughs as your body struggled to hang on. the tears finally gave way to the memories-- hot blood dripping from your torso, screaming faces begging you to stay, your head going fuzzy as your vision followed--and your screams escaped without a fight.

a mixed cacophony of voices came flooding in the room. you'd be touched by the gesture, seeking comfort in the arms of your dearest friends, if your brain hadn't reminded you that they were demons as well. nightmarish beasts with fangs and claws, predators built to rip your soft flesh from your bones and leave you to die like roadkill.

you felt a hand on your shoulder. who's was it? you could not tell. your first and only instinct was to scream for mercy, hot tears streaming down your face as mammon's hurt expression moved back out of your line of sight. your chest heaved with effort. it felt like your whole body was caving in on itself. you didn't even realize you were shaking as you curled your body into a ball. your side hit the mattress with a pathetic thud and you wept, bitter and fearful, as a panic attack kept you trapped in its grip.

you don't know how long you stayed curled up like that, wordless cries echoing from your room and into the hallway, but eventually the sound of approaching footsteps caught enough of your attention to forget the panic, even if just for a moment.

"hey, it's okay," a familiar, comforting voice approached, cutting through the fear like a moonlight on a stormy night. "mc, it's me, it's simeon. it's going to be okay."

you felt the bed shift under the weight of someone sitting down, and you blindly threw your body at the person before checking to see if it was really him. it took you a few moments to raise your head, and when you did, you saw him: simeon, your angel, blue eyes full of worry as he met your gaze.

you cried in his arms until you fell into a fitful, dreamless sleep.

the next morning was miserable, to say the least. breakfast was tense. they all watched you like a hawk, like you were a powder keg about to explode with one wrong move. you couldn't blame them. you were afraid of your own emotions, and on some level, you were afraid of them. your trauma was making you afraid of the very people you cared about the most. these brothers had welcomed you into their home, took care of you as you adjusted to life in the devildom, and yet you couldn't hold eye contact without breaking in to a cold sweat.

the only person who did not watch you was belphegor. he was nowhere to be found during breakfast, nor dinner, nor breakfast the following day. you tried to seek him out, but somehow the avatar of sloth had become a skilled sneak in his silence.

you finally caught him alone on day four of radio silence. you both had stayed home without realizing the other had also skipped school that day-- you, from the lack of sleep eating at your brain, and belphegor, with his usual routine of missing class to nap at the house of lamentation. he was curled up on the couch in the common room, basking in the warmth of the fireplace in his slumber. you decided to wait for him to wake up. you sat down on the couch opposite of the one where he rested and watched him, quietly, like he'd disappear if you dared to blink.

creepy? yes. but your brain was long ruined by sleep deprivation and gnawing anxiety to worry about such trivial things.

when he finally stirred, you gently called belphegor's name. he took a moment to finally look at the source of the voice, but when he did, his body froze as the two of you made eye contact. a few moments passed in silence. finally, he sat up and began to make a move to leave.

"wait."

he stopped, but his gaze did not meet yours. you rose from your seat and joined him on the couch. the youngest pulled his legs in, twisting his body into a defensive little ball, and countered your next sentence before you could even open your mouth.

"you shouldn't be here with me."

"i think i'm old enough to make decisions for myself."

he shifted uncomfortably in the silence. you spoke again.

"i miss you. and i'm sorry."

he scoffed to himself and stared at the fireplace. "don't know why you think you should be apologizing to me. i'm the one that's the problem."

"you're not a problem, belphie. i never meant to make you feel like one."

every hair on your body stood on end. your hands trembled against your wishes, so you sat on them to stay focused. you had to do this. you had to keep moving forward.

"i hurt you, mc. you're afraid i'm going to do it again."

you sighed-- it came out more shaky than you would have liked-- and looked down. how had it come to this? how had someone you'd grown to hold so dear become a stranger again?

"i don't want to stop being friends. i don't like when you avoid me."

"you still get nightmares, don't you?"

you pause. his icy gaze on the side of your head sent you into a cold sweat.

you smiled-- it felt more like a grimace, personally-- and prayed it didn't come across insincere. your fingers carefully intertwined with his. he met your gaze. you were thankful he couldn't see the way your chest tightened when you made eye contact. 

"i'm okay, belphie," you lied. 

this fear was going to be the death of you. 

[immunetoneurotoxin]

Just wanna drip by and say Incendiary has made itself a permanent resident in my brain.

Your writing is absolutely amazing, every scene got me gripping my seat in excitement. Seeing someone write a Pyro-focused long fic, let alone texas toast is so so so rare, I think I've only read 3 (including incendiary) that I've liked so far.

I love this little fire guy with all my heart, and I absolutely adore how you didn't make him too much like a child like how many mischaracterize him. There's the childlike wonder in him but he is capable when push comes to shove and I like that a lot! Every single characterizations in this fic is wonderful, I would love to give Engie a little kiss on his bald head.. he's so adorable.

I'm probably rambling but I just love this fic so much. I'm dealing with semester's midterms, stressed as all hell and this fic has been keeping me going. I practically cheered when I saw chapter 10 update in my inbox lmao. I would love to maybe make some fanart when I have the time, should I just tag you on this site?

Thank you so much for writing Incendiary dude, no kidding when I say it changed my life. I can't wait for the story to unfold! Please take care of yourself and rest well. Good luck on the job hunting as well!!

Omg stranger whoever you are, I just about teared up seeing this in my Inbox -

This is the most grandest, heartfelt comment I think I've ever received in my entire writing career and my heart is GUSHING rn!!!! I was literally out running errands when I saw this and I couldn't stop thinking about it -

When I joined the TF2 fandom in like... oh god, 2014 I think, I was really shocked to see throughout the years that there weren't many Pyro-centered stories out there, which blew my mind. Like how could there not be a deluge of fanfic for Pyro, who is this extremely mysterious, multi-faceted character with so much room for interpretation?! When I first watched Meet the Pyro, I KNEW I had to write a novel about Pyro. Who they are, where they came from, and what happened to them before the events of the gravel war. Massively inspired, of course. But still nonetheless, an origin story that could very well be canon if squinted at, hehe.

This rings true for texas toast content, too!! There isn't a whole lot of it out there and it makes me so sad - I love their dynamic so much! When Incendiary is finished, I do plan on writing some more texas toast oneshots on my AO3 to fill that void. <3 One of the plans is to write a short story about their relationship during the gravel wars as well, that takes place after the events of Incendiary. (plus, Incendiary has only just started to crack the surface tension of the slow burn, and it's only a matter of 1-2 chapters away from when the texas toast really starts showing through so there is that to look forward too as well. (｡˃ ᵕ ˂ ))

also I literally hollered when I read your comment about Pyro's characterization in this story especially, because THAT is THE ONE THING I have been working so incredibly hard towards holy shit - when I tell you the amount of stories I've read that writes them off as this danger-child that needs supervision - which don't get me wrong is not an entirely bad thing!! they do have this massive childlike side to them, but there is also so much more to them than how the fandom perceives them, not taking into much consideration how they typically canonically act in the comics/in-game, and taking into LARGE consideration Meet the Pyro. I was reeling when I realized that a lot of people seemed to completely forget about that interview. I could go on a whole rant about this sdfghjkl but yes, Pyro is definitely more than capable when push comes to shove! they are in a war, after all ;)

and engineer, oh man. I love that soft Texan so much. :') I could talk your ear off about him too!

man I am definitely rambling now, but I literally cannot even express how genuinely happy I am receiving this message, it means the actual world to me. and FANART?!?! oh my god YES - you can definitely tag me here if you do make fanart for Incendiary!! I would be BEYOND honored omg

Thank you so so much for brightening my entire year with this feedback literally - I'm so honored to have you here as a reader and a fan. <3 And I'm sending you all of the luck with your midterms!! You've got this!!

[harlowcomehome]

Anon here again.

I saw your post, and felt like I needed to reach out bc I recently went through the same thing. Being young is so fucking weird nowadays. And being in your twenties (idk if you are) is really fucking weird rn. Finding your path sucks. Processing emotions SUCKS.

I grew up in a home where I was yelled at if I cried over anything and was told I was a baby if I did and that I needed to be stronger. I was taught to suppress my emotions and to never show signs of weakness, as most children are. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve spent a lot of time focusing on healing that part of myself. Teaching myself to feel things again, and to allow myself to cry and feel frustrated. This is a hard thing to do, and you will have to spend time with yourself to do this. Emotions are genuinely some of the most magical things in the world to me. I love to feel everything now, and I think that’s because I was kept from doing so for so long. Happiness, sadness, anger, joy, all of em. Feeling emotions is truly so important in life, and I hate that people are taut to suppress them.

I’m sorry if I’m rambling there, but I wanted you to know that what you’re feeling is completely normal. Learning how to feel things again is a process, and I know there are times that you wish you could fast forward through days, but know that’s there’s gonna be a time in your life where you look back and are gonna be so thankful that you got the moments that you did. Time is never guaranteed, so don’t ever take it for granted.

One of the most valuable things I’ve taught myself is nothing lasts forever. And I know that can be stressful because that also translate to the good things not lasting forever, but it also means the bad things won’t either. Life is full of ups and downs and that’s what makes it beautiful. For every low point, there’s going to be a high point as well. And I know it can be exhausting, but the lows teach you to appreciate the highs.

Please know you’re not alone in how you’re feeling. Sorry if some of this seemed chaotic, I was just rambling my thoughts out to you, but the moral of the story is to appreciate every moment in life and learn to feel every emotion. You’ll start to heal when you do.

I really appreciate it all of this. I can’t express how grateful I am that you shared all of that with me.  it’s really nice to feel heard of that I’m not alone. 

I really like what you said about nothing lasting forever, that was something I needed to hear. If you don’t mind, I’m going to tag this under personal, so I can go back and look at it every once in a while. 💜 I cannot thank you enough. These lengthy messages mean the world. 🥺

[imnotreal-png]

>:) -- Entry 1

OK i just smoked a joint after i wrote the date and now im kinda chillin but imma still yap on dis hoe.

I am a loser. Like a huge loser, okay? Like im not dumb or wtv, i may have reached a weird and insane level of self awareness, but im just as much of a loser as anyone else.

I keep catching myself trying to people please and overstepping my boundaries and justifying it with "oh everyone else does it, so what, its normal" like ok dumb bitch that doesn't make it okay, get a grip.

But i will be yapping away abt alot of stupid bullshit i deal with and stupid things make me sad. I am very well aware that I am irrational, but these are things i feel in those moments that i always hold in because i don't want people 2 see that weak side of me. It's embarrassing and it's not me.

In truth, i have nooo idea what i'm doing. I have 0 clue on where i'll be in the future. I didn't think i'd make it this far and not on some suicidal shit (idk if u can say that word here, oops.), i just genuinely thought that i'd somehow perish?? Like i wasn't really real in some weird way. I just didn't exist. Even though i was always the center of drama or the cause of all things chaotic, i was always misunderstood. god that's so fucking cringe but hear me out.

I always said shit that i believed was clear enough to be understood and yet it wasn't. Even my tone apparently has been rude this entire time. But no one would actually tell me how i come off, they just ate it up in silence and then spaz on me. Even now i don't really understand because i truly believe i am very clear on what im saying. Yet it's still...not seen the way im trying to show it? Idk if im making any sense bruh but whatever. Maybe im narcissistic but no one understands my brain the way i attempt to express it...or i guess how i see it. Idk i guess im just frustrated that no one understands me or gets my brain.

Also it's super cringe when people tell me im mature for my age. Literally eat my shit. actual ick. get away from me.

I hate my mom. She hates me too but she hates me bc I'm not the pussy she wishes she was when she was my age. She's the most childish person i know. I genuinely do not care what she thinks of me whatsoever. She's just power hungry and immature. Actually, I don't even hate her, i just hate that she gets to have all this power over me. I just want my freedom, thats it. She can hate my lifestyle or whatever the fuck, as long as im not living with her. At the end of the day, im truly content with who i am as a person and my moral compass etc, she cant affect that. I just need to have my own space and leave her household to finally be free and actually experience life in a comfortable and more peaceful way. I guess that's all i can say rn. I just wish she would respect my boundaries and stop treating me like im her competition and she'll always be superior. She won't and i cannot wait for the day she finally see's that lol.

!! super irrational moment alert !!

LMAO this is super cringe but like when i started music i put "listen 2 my moozik" in my bio bc we say muzik in albanian but americans wud have 2 read it as moozik to get it right + its funny? Ever since i started rlly getting exposure and performing out there, all these NON SLAVS/BALKANS have started putting it in their bio's 🙄 like be fr, its sooo obvious (at least to me). And now some of these mfs i've interacted w startes stealing my lingo and the way i type [this isn't how i type when i txt friends. its worse and i shorten everything in a miserable way cuz its funny] and it's cute at first but now mfs on social media posting the way i do and talking the way i do. [insert side eye bc yeah] and it's kinda cringe cuz they're actually rlly shallow and mainstream people, they just look like they trying 2 hard to be quirky. lol.

im probably tweakin tho idk.

i wish i grew up with art. i wish my parents had that and were able to introduce it to me. I feel like a fraud when i try to be creative and do things. Even with making music. As much as i enjoy it and love it and it really does make me happy, it feels fake. I can't play any instruments, i can't sing, im far from a good writer, fuck if know anything abt music theory...i literally just click buttons and make sounds on my computer lol. I didn't grow up indulging in art and creativity, i was actually always super bad at it. I wish i had a deeper connection with it. I wish i understood it better. I wish i expressed it better. I wish my ideas were my own. I want to be able to create something that is truly mine without feeling like im a fake.

UHHHH so imma just come on here and vent whenever i feel like i have something i need 2 say. This is intended for the void, if u come across it...cringe.

[47-protons]

Genuinely cannot express how sad I am I'm going to miss most of the rpg on Saturday

Hand one. My love of hockey and my love of doing stats (and my obligation to be there bc I'm one of two people who can do the job I'm doing and the other guy is in Colorado rn) ((I have also been doing this position for 10 years now which also puts me as the most experienced one available to do it regardless))

Hand two. One of the two things that currently has my brain in a vice grip thar I am perpetually rotating at lightspeed in my brain whenever I have a moment

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

Hi! I love everything that you write and heh I am a fan! 😄 tbh this is my first time requesting something on Tumblr! If you don't mind and if I am not being a bother...can you write about how the guys would react If MC suddenly starts making meme references? I don't know how I got the idea but I am REALLY curious. And love you! :D

Hiya! Tyvm for the kind words, and apologies that this took a while! I hope you have the chance to enjoy it regardless ❤️❤️❤️ Love you too, sweet pea! I promise to get to the next request you’ve sent ASAP~

Aight but this would be hilarious because the range of the reactions is just ungodly. I will be putting this under a cut after Napoleon so I don’t clog up everyone’s dash, but all the suitors are included below otherwise! 

Comte is the one that recognizes a few, but didn’t really stay in modern times long enough to be as well-versed as a Gen Z kid might. Regardless he finds the wittiness and absolute chaotic fuckery to be delightful, and will 100% support the harmless nonsense. It never fails to get a laugh out of him

Mozart that first day be like: “Buzz off MC I hate you” MC, because she likes swinging bats at wasps’ nests: “Well that’s not very cash money of you” Mozart: ?????????? Comte, giggling in the bg like the secret fae he is This one’s just because I’m petty, but after the events of Comte rt I just imagine them encountering Vlad again and MC’s just “I lived bitch.” while Comte is flipping him off behind her lkjahgkjhdsg

Comte @ Leo when he finds the latter under his desk: Had it not been for the laws of this land, I would have slaughtered you.  MC: wheezing from the hallway as she’s about to give him his letters

MC: So how was your day, honey? Comte: Good, good--briefly had to go beastmode upon the punk that pilfered my lint roller MC, biting her lip to keep from laughing: So does Leo still have his kneecaps? Comte: for now.

Comte, @ literally anyone upsetting the MC: I won’t hesitate, bitch

Comte: Be careful with my emotional baggage, it’s designer

MC: What if I was evil and ran towards you at very fast speeds Comte: My arms are strong, I would catch and hug you

Leo and Dazai are the ones that don’t have a single reference point but are filled with so much dumbass chaos energy that they just. Understand immediately???? Nobody knows how or why, but they just catch on so fast--adapt the language in a matter of weeks. Never underestimate the power of combined boredom, depression, and humor

I swear to god I just see MC taking them their Blanc/Rouge and being like “here you go sir, one enslaved moisture” and they just go fucking hog wild from day one. MC starts impersonating Theo when he leaves the room around Dazai, like fake deep voice “you all only hate me because you do not like me and I am mean to you. grow up.” Or like the MC meets a baby on her travels with Leo around town and she holds them and says v seriously and sagely “So you are Baby? I have heard tales of your exploits.” and Leo about loses his shit right there. They both think MC is the funniest person alive--they’ve never been more eager to throw a ring at someone in their entire life.

Also a bonus for my beloved Dazai:  MC, facing even the slightest inconvenience (like dropping her fork) in the most dramtic voice possible: Life is not daijoubu. Dazai: wheezing

MC, after watching Theo turn down a woman at the bar in the meanest way possible: bro quit letting the darkness consume you u r scaring the hoes Dazai, literally rolling around on the ground, half-drunk and dying:

MC, walking alongside Dazai and stopping to stare at her reflection in the River Seine. Dazai’s expecting some sad or twisted shit, since people often feel comfortable talking about those things around him, but instead she just: “Oh, it’s you. The source of all my problems.” And he about falls into the river from shock HAHAHA

At this point don’t be surprised if his next book is about an absolute madlad woman similar to MC

Napoleon finds it to be a delightful quirk more than anything? He doesn’t really understand it, but he finds it funny when they change their voice for effect or speak in exaggerated tones. If it’s just comprehensible enough for an outsider to understand--or Sebas gives him context--chances are it’ll send him into a laughing fit

For this one I just imagine MC singing that Ratatouille meme song obnoxiously bad while cooking, and Napoleon and Comte are just so wildly amused by it bc it makes zero sense and it’s only vaguely French at this point

MC @ Napoleon while they’re cooking brunch: Can I offer you a nice egg in these trying times?

MC, conflicted because she’s tired and wanted to sleep in but also got to see Napo’s cute sleeping face for a few hours: For my next stunt, I’ll wake up at 5AM on the day I can sleep in. Sebas: Early to bed and early to rise makes a person healthy, wealthy, and wise MC: early to bed and early to rise makes me a massive bitch Napoleon: laughing in agreement

Isaac is the type to be bewildered and concerned at first (especially when he hears the more nihilistic ones hoOOOoooOO BOY) but eventually begins to understand it’s some bizarre attempt at humor (that hurts Zack baby). While some part of him laments that it reminds him of Dazai and he’s secretly jealous of how she and Dazai bond over it, he will sometimes join in the chaos when the mood strikes him and he’s feeling mischievous

Isaac: How are you feeling? MC: Oh, I’m not Isaac: seconds from dialing 911 Isaac: Are you okay? MC: Oh yeah dw I just suffer from that syndrome where your neutral expression makes you look like you’re an angry serial killer Isaac: say sike rn

Isaac, tutoring MC and correcting something:  MC, muttering while redoing it: The risk I took was calculated, but man am I bad at math. Isaac: unable to help a laugh

One time MC was avoiding Isaac for fear of hurting his feelings and he just confronts her like: Isaac: back by unpopular demand, me! What’s wrong, MC pls MC was so hecking proud of him

Isaac, telling MC about a recent discovery he learned at uni from another professor: bones typically heal stronger after they’ve been broken--so long as they’re set properly, of course MC, looking him dead in the eyes: So what you’re saying is that I should break every bone in my body until I become superhumanly powerful? Isaac: please do not, no

Mozart and Jeanne are just. Totally lost. Why are you talking like that??? Why are you making “crab hands”???? They don’t understand. Maybe never will. They reach a point where they just kind of laugh and shake their heads, endeared by the oddity after they’re used to it and have determined it isn’t a threat/insult. 

MC: It’s a cold and it’s a brooooken, Waluigi. Waaaaluigiiiii...waaaahluigi..... Mozart: surprised, then starts snickering and playing along on the piano

Arthur, asking MC very personal questions out loud because he is an idiot sometimes: Soooo MC, are you a top or a bottom? MC: I’m a threat. (If he asks a second time, the response will be “Wouldn’t you like to know, weatherboy.”) Jeanne, fighting a smile:

MC, about to punch an asshole: Your free trial of being alive has ended Jeanne, seconds from laughing for the first time in 100 years:

Also, because I genuinely can’t help myself. You know that knight meme like “Parry this you fucking casual.” I cannot stress enough that it is literally the personification of Jeanne’s entire character. I’m not even joking.

Arthur and Shakespeare are utterly fascinated by the rapid evolution of wordplay and the sheer hilarity. They will ask all about these so-called “memes” and ask for examples of them if MC can show them (either somehow accessing her phone or drawing them). MC draws Arthur the knife cat meme and he about a s c e n d s at the hilarity of it all, points and yells THEO IS HOLDING THE KNIFE. He is correct. They will be delighted and follow along eagerly, and--god forbid--will make their own based on late 19th century struggles.

Is this where Shakespeare got the idea for “What, you egg? stabs him” and “You are a saucy boy.”? I’m too scared to ask. Don’t even get me started on “The Fool jingled miserably across the floor.” That one is just too on the nose...

I can’t even imagine what would happen to Shakespeare if MC like translated vines and memes into Ye Olde English around him. Imagine she’s at one of those noble balls and hears rumors of these two guys living together and they’re so obviously gay and he says “And those gents w’re roommates.” And in the most false surprised tone ever MC just replies “oh mine own god, those gents w’re roommates.” Imagine having a wife that’s just as hilarious as you are and hits you with all the force of a bag of wet mice every time you speak in retaliation, he’s going into palpitations.

Every time Arthur does smth stupid MC just: “I Pretend I Do Not See It.”

Vincent is tickled pink by MC’s penchant for finding joy and/or amusement in nearly everything they do, and he smiles gently when he sees them muttering and laughing to themselves. He wants to be able to join them in what they love, but he has a harder time following along and understanding the darker humor sometimes. Mostly gets confused??? Please give him the easier ones to mimic and laugh when he tries--or just include him in your jokes MC. He’s babie your honor...

But he also. Will not. Stand any kind of self-deprecation or borderline verbal self-harm. He’s usually very easygoing and calm, but for whatever reason that stuff makes him go deathly quiet and upset.

MC, after something goes horribly wrong, hugging Vincent: Oh Vince, we really in it now Vincent: giggling a little despite his worries, relaxing

MC: Theo stop simping for Vincent that’s my job

MC, when Theo leaves the room and she gets Vincent all to herself: The evil is defeated.

MC: And this is where I would put my will to live...if I h a d one! Vincent: ;-; MC: oh shit, oh fuck, I was only kidding Vincent wait (MC was subsequently lectured and loved on for many hours)

Theo is conflicted because on the one hand, he loves to see you smiling and having fun. On the other, you’re clowning as hard as Dazai and Arthur and he can only handle so many monkeys in his circus. Most of the time he will roll his eyes and be the straight man of this comedy, but you might find him cracking a smile--or accidentally letting a chuckle slip past his lips now and again.

MC, after meeting Theo: I’m a nice person, but I’m about to start throwing rocks at people.

Theo, those first days: Oh? You’re approaching me? Instead of running away, you’re coming right to me? MC: I can’t beat the shit out of you without getting closer.

Theo: Every time I ask MC to explain “vibe check” to me she hits me with some kind of improvised weapon

MC, after the “incident” (you know the one): This year, I lost my dear lover Theo Theo, in the distance: QUIT TELLING EVERYONE I’M DEAD! MC: ;-; sometimes I can still hear his voice...

Sebastian is last because oh boy. OH BOYYYYY I LOVE HIM. Okay so the way I see this happening with Sebastian is just. So wild. Because at first he’s t r y i n g so hard to be the proper butler man. He does not meme. But then he starts to drift closer to what Niles from The Nanny was, where he’ll quip and joke in private or when the situation is just beyond the amount of absurdity he can handle without making a snarky comment. Everyone in the house can’t fathom how Sebas and MC got so close so fast, but there are points where they’re just “Are they even speaking English anymore???” It’s 11 times funnier than normal because Sebas almost never smiles or laughs when memeing, the deadpan quality of his playing along sends MC every time

Has ABSOLUTELY said “HEY. PANINI HEAD. ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME???” jokingly when MC made a mistake in the kitchen. They laugh about it for y e a r s

MC: I can’t date someone who keeps a lamb as a pet, that’s so weird Sebas, brushing Lotte in front of MC: MC: MC: Okay, I will make an exception because she looks very polite

MC and Sebas, fully aware of the fame some of the men will reach in modern times: We will watch your career with great interest.  (I s2g that’s like half of Sebas’ rt right there I’m crying)

Sebas rt with Lotte be like that 500 dollar Mareep meme: “sometimes a family can be just a boy, his gf, and their 500 dollar two foot tall Lotte”

[you-cant-spell-subtext-without]

I’m back on my bullshit and we have GOT TO TALK about 13x08 The Scorpion and the Frog; which serves as a good example of why you should not ONLY watch spn episodes with Cas (partially because of that scene I shamefully blogged about earlier - no I will not link that cursed post here).  The episode title comes from a fable in which the villain is the scorpion.  Interpretations of this fable note its uniqueness lies in the concept that “the scorpion is irrationally self destructive and fully aware of it.”

To quote the scorpion, buddies -  “it’s in my nature.”

Anyway, this episode is subtextually predicated on exploring Dean Winchester’s nature and specifically - his bisexuality, and I’m not only saying that because it opens with Dean in his Bi Colors Plaid (that also he wore on his burger date with Cas).

Let’s get started, after the cut!

Season 13 on its face gives me absolute whiplash because it starts widow arc-reunion-TOMBSTONE and then Jack yeets himself off to Chuck knows where so Cas can go out Looking For Him Because Otherwise He Will Definitely Kiss Dean there is no other option for the writers at this point.  Sigh.  Here, have another shot of Dean anxiously cleaning his gun as he always does when Cas has Gone Off For Reasons -

Anyway, this feels like a filler episode at first, but as always they bury the ENTIRE damn world in it and I am here with my dossier to Unearth It.

Lets start with Bart (demon of terrible nicknames and microagressions) meeting the brothers at Smile Diner to talk about some spell or whatever. 

(I am not thinking about the Cherry Pie meta I AM NOT)

THEY HAVE THE AUDACITY to start with these lines immediately introducing the theme of duality, a thread throughout this episode.

BARTHAMUS

Everything. I've been following your careers a long time. You're a real pain in the pitchfork. And the halo. Natural disrupters. We have that in common, you and I. DEAN

Mm. Yeah, we're twinsies.

***MORE DUALITY!  But as we know, Dean does not like Bart because He Is A Freakin’ Demon

DEAN

Well, see, here's the thing. When a demon tells us to jump, we don't ask how high. We just ice their ass.

UMMM excuse me Barting Bacting Boices?  What is that sexual gaze?  

Then we find out that Bart has 1/2 of the spell.  They need the other 1/2.  Oh, a spell with two parts, you say? [ I am going to scream :) ]

***Also, Dean eats the pie Bart ordered.  I cannot begin to explain to you the state of unwellness that I am in regarding how important this is. DEAN NEVER GETS TO EAT THE PIE, remember?  But in This Filler Episode, Dean eats the pie. While Sam looks at him with a very quizzical expression.  Pie -> what Dean wants but never actually gets -> Dean actively eating this pie.  Dean is coming to terms that maybe he can have what he wants.

***I am reminding you again that this is post widower-arc, post-reunion, and especially post-Tombstone.  Anyway-

Now we get to Smash and Grab.  Not literally even though I want to Commit Such Conduct at this point.  We are introduced to two one off characters named 

Smash (human/female presenting) -  can crack any safe built by man 

and Grab (demon/male presenting)-  expert in bypassing supernatural security.

Reaching or no, you can’t disagree that when spn introduces one off characters - it is almost always a Narrative Parallel or Mirror.

So we have a human and a demon (and Dean Winchester, a human who has been a demon)

who are experts in cracking open/bypassing something that has been secured and guarded (breaking down walls, if you will).  

They also use fake names identifying them as Tools to be Used ( Dean Winchester, the Michael Sword/daddys blunt little instrument)

BONUS:

Dean himself is literally used as a tool in this episode.

So yeah.  Smash and Grab are physical representations of Dean’s duality.  Human/Demon.  Femininity/Masculinity.  Dare we say something else, too?

Anyway, Dean is paired with Smash and Grab; Sam is off to idk negotiate weird artifact purchases lawboy style with Luther Shrike, a man who cannot die so long as he never leaves his house (I cannot even begin to unpack this shit; please just sit there and think about it.  I’m not even going there here.  I CANNOT DISCUSS Luther Shrike RN).

Speaking of things I cannot discuss without halgdhsag;lsa - Smash has very Specific boots (a look overall, really).

DEAN

Hey, Winona. The '90s called. They'd like their shoes back. SMASH

Shh.

***That’s right girl - do not take his shit; he actually LOVES them and is therefore Overcompensating for it with this little jab.

***Dean’s pop culture references and particular attention to the details here Should Not Be Overlooked.  90s! Winona! Ryder!

ANYWAY, then Dean and Smash bond over a caffeinated beverage -

[While Dean is doing a spell, Smash opens a can of drink, takes a mouthful and burps loudly. ] SMASH

Ahh. DEAN

You're weird.

***This scene makes me literally insane. (even aside from Dean living on something named NERVE DAMAGE as a KID.  They could have called it anything. You’re saying this wasn’t a Choice)  

She chugs a swallow of the drink and burps.  Something stereotypically associated with masculinity.  Not feminine.  Dean’s reaction is that she is “weird” - because she is not acting in a way stereotypically, J*hn Winchester brain-rot patriarchy bullshit-tily associated with Being Female.  But also, says the stupid show, they like the same soda.  They are The Same.  She shares the soda with Dean.  HIS FACE WHEN SHE DOES -

Other similarities are addressed throughout the episode (they are working for demons because they have no choice; they don’t discuss feelings/emotions, they both sold their soul, they both This Thing - 

DEAN

You know, we could help you. SMASH

No, you can't. I gotta take care of me.

etc. etc.) Smash is absolutely dean-coded.

****Also it’s textually established that Smash thinks Dean is attractive -

GRAB

[looking at Smash] Oh. You said he was just a pretty face. SMASH 

Shh.

***But Grab flirts with him too.

DEAN

I will kill you. GRAB

I bet you say that to all the girls.

***sorry, Grab - you won’t get far with Dean, but only because as he mentioned in the beginning of this episode - 

Drowley rights.

Now Dean has to put his hand in the mouth of this stone lion thing and all of a sudden he is acting....very-not-like-Dean.

[Dean looks again and takes a deep breath.] DEAN

I… how about this? What if I cut myself, put it on, like, a little piece of paper? We'll just wad it up and throw it in the mouth, okay? Okay. 

***Dean Winchester, who has been to Literal HELL, who has been torn apart by hellhounds, who has battled the devil and angels and God’s sister - all at the expense of his own life is now - afraid of spiders.  Well, technically he has always been afraid of spiders, but why isn’t ‘he being performative about it At This Time??

***Come to think of it, this sends me right back to how Jackles was playing Dean in 12x11 Regarding Dean THE episode dissecting Dean’s performative masculinity [one day I will clean up and post that analysis sitting in my drafts like a sad hamster]. That makes sense actually, because -> -> ->

that episode and this one are both written by Meredith Glynn.  Girl get in I want to torture you affectionately with a barrage of questions.

So here we have Dean and he’s not performing for Reasons, and he’s scared he’s genuinely scared of putting his hand in this stone lion-gargoyle-pig-creature’s mouth and then -

Smash gives him a push.

She gives him a push.  I cannot stop thinking about how she gives him a push.  A push to go do this thing that he is scared of; his fear being something he was hiding under his performative masculinity. Smash - dean coded dean mirror who does not perform femininity and is ‘weird’ -  she   gives   him   a     p u s h.

***linking here for the jackting joices that follow.

Now, let’s circle back to Smash’s story; why she is working for Bart in the first place -

SMASH

You think I wanna be here? Like I have a choice? SAM

You made a deal. SMASH

Wow! You think? SAM

You sold your soul. SMASH

And if I could take it back, I would. 

there is no reason for this picture here other than I needed you to see the jackting again

***How does the story end for Smash?

DEAN

Take care of you. [Dean glances down at the box, and then at Smash. She sees that Dean has put a lighter on top of the bones.]  BARTHAMUS

Alice, chop chop! 

[Bart indicates she should get his bones]. SMASH

Yeah. [She grabs the lighter and sets Bart's bones alight. Bart screams as he bursts into flames. ] 

***She accepts help and breaks free from the narrative, literally burning it down. The female presenting but not female-performing “weird” ooc representing a side of Dean breaks FREE because she makes a choice.  The lighter Dean drops? It’s a push.  And she goes with it.

Alice reclaims her story.

(Also, Grab gets ganked.  The male presenting ooc; the performative masculinity side; the demon; the darkness; the not-humanity - gets ganked).

Guess what Dean says to Alice when they say goodbye?

DEAN

Hey, Alice. Stay weird.

[I know the peace sign is probably just a Charlie throwback but I’d still like to say duality.  Two. ]

Dean’s not just talking to Alice.  He’s talking to himself; because the walls have been breached and for once Dean isn’t as scared of being different.  Maybe, just maybe, he’s going along with the push.  That’s exactly how the episode ends - with Dean feeling a little more hopeful, a little more at peace; a little more Considering he is capable of not only loving Cas but also not hating himself for it. 

[until the knowledge that Mary is still alive and the guilt of allowing himself ANY happy thoughts instead of looking for her miserably rears its ugly head in 13x09 and round and round we go but for NOW at least -> ]

DEAN

I'll drink to that.

(oh look Dean is just wearing his henley.  It’s almost as if a layer has been peeled back).

tagging @im-shaking-like-milk​ and @deanwasalwaysbi​ for letting me ramble on to them while writing this; and @lilac-void​ because you are always so kind about my stuff :)

[ibelonginthepast]

Hunk for the character ask thing??

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HUNK!!!! FINALLY!!! I am such a ho for him sorry

Sexuality Headcanon: i have no particular fixed pref, he could be straight, but i like to think he's bi throughout. I think he is a believer of fluid sexuality, so he doesn't really fits himself in a label. He goes along with whoever he likes.

Gender Headcanon: I sometimes like to hc him as a trans man (ftm). He/him pronouns. He was cultured into toxic masculinity. He has had his struggles with it. He was teased for being soft because of his anxiety issues. His tendency to be emotional and expressive. He has had been a victim of toxic masculinity constantly, even adopted it and perpetuated it further for a while before giving up. He is passionate about healthy masculinity and really understands it now. He is a fierce feminist and in for breaking the patriarchy.

A ship I have with said character: the thing is i hate Canon. I dont like the first sight first meet fall in love kind of thing they did with hunk and shay, but with what I headcanon shay as, I think she is perfect for him. He would balance her head on approach to stuff, and she will balance his tendency to ponder. He is a total simp for shay. He's a sucker for a simple calm life, while shay is on the ambitious side, and he fully supports her.

A BROTP I have with said character: hance is a given. heith! I will fucking die for this. I love thinking up stories of how Keith, despite being the one to struggle to open up, will inevitably fall for hunk. Hunk is just so approachable, so welcoming, so loving. I see hunk as also very fierce. He will stand in front as a literal physical shield to protect the ones he loves. He is dedicated when he loves and he never gives up on anyone. This is something he will share with Keith. One of the only people who will relate with Keith on a soul level on this. Punk!!! I love it. So much. Hunk is just amazing at platonic relationships. Hunk takes care of pidge a lot, they are his sibling. They simp on tech together ofc!! Even tho Shiro is everyone's dad, hunk cares for him, brings him his energy drinks and blankets all the time cause let's be real Shiro is low-key wishing death all the time and does not care for himself. Hunk is one of those peeps who scream SHIRO! NO! everytime Shiro makes a bad joke about death. Hunk's caring nature extends to everyone. Allura again is bad at taking care of herself, and he helps. He defo teaches allura samoan box braids!!! Coran too. Hunk bakes with coran sitting beside, chatting unrelentlessly but here's the thing, Hunk doesn't tolerate it. He genuinely likes listening to people and knowing them. One of the reasons he goes so well with Lance.

A NOTP I have with said character: humph he could go with anyone ngl. Shunk is extra weird to me, Shiro is a dad through and through i ew shaladins.

A random headcanon:

Despite what people think, hunk thinks he struggles with words. He uses food to express love. If he feels distant with anyone, he cooks for them.

Hunk does get tired after caring for people so much, but he has healthy nice fam around him who he lets take care of him too. He knows he needs to care for himself, and after some time of struggling with it, he now proudly take care of himself as well.

Hunk has struggled with severe anxiety. He has had panic attacks, complete meltdowns. His family was a bit pressurizing in terms of his career and all, and he has always felt responsible to get an excellent job in the stem section to make his parents proud.

He got into stem because of his parents, but he developed his love for it later too. He genuinely started finding STEM very interesting.

He contributed in making of fun robots in school's stem centres all the time. He had a teacher who was obsessed with making anime monsters, and even though hunk himself hates gore and shit he had fun making those and sometimes watched those weird ass animes and talked about how those wild ass writers were defo on weed while writing the script. He bonded over weeb stuff surprisingly with Shiro ;)

He hasn't been the smartest forever, like pidge. He actually worked his way to it. He is very dedicated, hard working and passionate.

He has undiagnosed ADD, but it hasn't interferred with him fitting in much. He has been able to do his work, and he recognized some tricks to focus early in life. His anxiety drives him to work as much as it distracts him. he just discovers his ADD later in therapy.

He makes pretty notes. He has an unhealthy obsession with pastel yellow highlighter.

Hunk is very well equipped with samoan tattoo art designs and understanding them. it's something his grandparents taught him since forever. His grandfather did tattoos and he saw them when he was little. He wants to get atleast some sort of soga'i miki. He's been always conflicted about wanting Pe'a cause its so beautiful and masculine in expression and not wanting it because it's so painful and permanent.

Because he has lived in America his whole life, he has struggled with his national identity a lot. He gets taunted by by family in samoa for being American and for speaking english better than samoan. He doenst always fit in well in america either for obvious reasons. He has struggled with feeling like he belongs. Its something he bonds with Lance on.

He is passionate about dismantling the social organization in samoa and its ill effects. He understands the systems and talks about their unfairness. This is something his distant and traditional family members get annoyed at him for.

He talks passionately about the freedom struggles of samoa and the samoan civil wars. He likes listening to stories of freedom fighters of samoa and great leaders. He is very critical of European colonization and takes no shit from europe apologists.

He is low-key a Satanist and likes to tell people about how God was super sexist to Lilith and how absolutely bullshit her banishment was,, how Satan is the coolest first feminist and made her the queen she is, and how Satan is the coolest dude for being the first rebel and equalist. He talks about how he gave us knowledge, and it created the world we are in rn or else we would still be all dumb and naked in the garden. His family is Christian and religious, he has read stories from bibles and come to the conclusions himself.

General Opinion over said character: i am horribly sad but I swear to God one cuddle from this cinnamon roll will cure me of everything

IMP NOTE: I am not samoan, but I read about countries where my favorite characters are from sometimes. I have started reading about che and communist Cuba for Lance too ;) All this info is from the internet, and I cannot say for sure its all good and true. If I am wrong with anything, please point it out.

THANKS FOR THIS! Now go drink water <3

[taerrorize]

Can you tell me the songs that express Shinee's style through the years ? PS: I'm sure your week will end up well !! All the love xxxxx

Anon u rly have me googling “SHINee discrography in order” on my work computer rn lmao

I’m gonna try to do 1 title track + 1 bside per year and see where that takes me lmao but I’m only going to do Korean releases bc if I added Japanese songs into the mix I’d simply explode it’s too much

2008:

Replay (obviously) is just pure SHINee essence at its finest in my opinion. Sweet and cute and catchy all at once. Timeless.

Love Should Go On it’s kinda funky, lots of minkey rapping which is just *chef’s kiss* but also the added plus of baby Taemin rapping as well, plus jongyu’s beautiful vocals. Idk there’s just something about this song that I’ve always adored. Maybe because it features all five members’ voices in ways that worked for them, which wasn’t super typical in the earlier albums since Taemin’s voice was still developing. Adorable.

2009:

Ring Ding Dong (yes I’m picking it over Juliette it was a rough decision but I did it) it’s just such typical SHINee in the sense that it’s a timeless bop, everyone knows it, everyone remembers it. Everyone knows NEVER to listen to it before an exam (which I learned the hard way in college bc I thought it was fake as fuck but then haha middle of a history final mumbling ringadingdingding elastic fantastic in my gotdamn head it’s a miracle I passed that exam lmao)

Romeo+Juliette it’s not like a super popular song I don’t think? But again, there’s just something about it that’s so purely SHINee. The beat, the way they sing so well together, the way their voices just match & compliment each other’s so well? It’s a little slower paced, but you could definitely still dance along to it. Kinda sensual I guess? A good teeny bopper song by a teeny bopper band of teeny bopper boys. Was my absolute favorite song all through high school lmao the way jonnghyun’s voice is so soft yet powerful at the same time? Spectacular.

2010:

Lucifer I mean it’s just obvious again like Replay, it’s what dragged me into the pits of Kpop hell. Everyone knows Lucifer. It’s quintessential Kpop at this point. Taemin’s dang stripey shirt hypnotized me in that dance practice Istg.

A-Yo is sweet and funny and silly and still so so good all at the same time. Taemin essentially calls you a dumbass in the first like 45 seconds but manages to do it sounding sweet as could be. Really uplifting. Catchy. Easy to sing along to. Listen to it whenever you’re sad and I’m telling you it’s instant happiness. Minho actually gets to sing in it and his voice is just lovely I adore this song with my whole heart. It’s lighthearted and fun. SHINee to me had always just been a group that’s uplifting and comforting, and this song is, in my opinion, the greatest example of that.

2011 (they didn’t have any Korean releases in 2011 so bonus songs from earlier years!)

The SHINee World (Doo-Bop) [2008] I mean I feel like this is self explanatory. Dibidibidiss my name is Minho.

Jo Jo [2009] again, SHINee’s just good at happy fun sweet songs. Jo Jo is always fun to sing along to.

Electric Heart [2010] is a bit darker in the way it feels. Very sensual. Breathy voices and all that. I was super obsessed with this song in high school as well idk. A nice look at SHINee transitioning into a bit more of a mature group, breaking away from the typical teeny bopper boyband vibe. Still funky fresh tho.

2012:

Sherlock aside from being the only title track from 2012 lmao SHINee have often mentioned this was when they felt like they really started acting like a Team and relying on each other more heavily. This was also when the Cold War took place but I personally don’t remember seeing any of it, so to me, Sherlock was just a cool song with a cool dance and Taemin having a terrible weave (and I got in trouble during an after school religion class bc I showed my friend Taemin’s shirtless promo pic and the Youth Leader thought it was porn lmao)

Honesty was a song that really felt personal, idk why. Like the members singing directly to us. Soft and sweet and still so meaningful. Like I’m gonna cry just thinking abt it lmao

2013:

Everybody so 2013 is so hard bc so many good songs came out that year. Like I genuinely am having a hard time deciding, but I think Everybody is a good pick because it shows how SHINee has never been afraid to experiment with their sound. It sounds totally different than anything else they had ever put out, but it still was so SHINee. It’s powerful and it makes you pay attention and like lmao god I’m not quiet abt loving a man in uniform so the wardrobe rly did it for me. But also wow all of their vocals are so good in this song THE LONG HIGH NOTES love it love to see it.

Beautiful just seems like a good pick. Again, 2013 is jam packed with amazing songs, it’s difficult to narrow it down. But beautiful was a song that was always super comforting as well. Their high notes and the way they sing together. Idk. I adore this song.

No Korean releases in 2014 and I’m getting tired lmao so no bonuses

2015:

View of course. Still the best summer bop in existence. We really see the members start to get more involved in this song specifically, from Taemin choosing the choreographer, Jonghyun writing lyrics as always, and Key picking the wardrobe. It’s a fun lighthearted song. I still listen to it when I drive by the beach because that’s just the vibe. Definitely a turning point for them, in my opinion, because this is when I think they really become more mature? Idk how to explain it. They don’t seem like a “boyband” anymore at this point to me, they’re just a band.

An Encore genuinely brings me to tears anytime I listen to it. It’s a SHINee ballad, and a really soul crushing one at that lmao. Idk why it’s soul crushing, necessarily, it just is.

2016:

1 of 1 is funky and fun and goofy and just so so SHINee. It’s not that other groups wouldn’t be able to perform a song like 1 of 1, it’s that SHINee performed it in a way that no other group could do it. They take every song they’re given and make it theirs, really. They own it.

Beautiful Life is another song that just makes you happy. It’s a ballad and it’s sweet and Jinki wrote the lyrics why am I only just finding this out now??! It’s a beautiful life. SHINee will always remind you of why life is worth living, tbh. Minho’s voice is beautiful in this song just a fun fact.

No korean releases in 2017

2018:

Good Evening 2018 is really hard for me to pick tbh. But Good Evening is a song that’s so heartfelt and emotional and soul crushing while still being fun? Maybe I’m projecting my own feelings from the time it was released to the song itself, but whatever. Good Evening is a bop. Love it. Makes me cry literally every gotdamn time I listen to it love that love crying on the freeway blasting this song it’s great.

Undercover was a personal favorite. Tbh a lot of the songs released in 2018 were very hard for me to listen to, and I still haven’t listened to all of them. I just can’t do it yet. But Undercover was fun and funky and idk, that’s just what SHINee is all about.

No releases in 2019 or 2020

2021:

Atlantis listen, this is also a hard decision. Don’t Call Me is quintessential SHINee in the way that it strays from the norm, it’s them trying something entirely new to them, but Atlantis feels like coming home after being away for a long time. It’s not that it’s the same kind of song they usually do, but there’s just something about that’s so familiar and comfortable.

Area is a song I cannot listen to without crying my eyes out. Doesn’t matter how many times I listen to it, doesn’t matter what time of day it is, doesn’t matter what I’m doing. It’s a beautiful song written by Minho and we all know it’s for Jonghyun. And that’s what SHINee is all about, too. It’s about the five of them being together, working together, being a team. The song makes me cry, sure, but it’s a good kind of cry. Also their voices are so beautiful as always.

HONORABLE MENTION

I fucking love Body Rhythm [2021] we all know I love Body Rhythm I feel personally victimized by Minho for promising a Body Rhythm performance and NOT FOLLOWING THROUGH I still nag him abt it on bubble idgaf. Anyways it’s sexy and horny and makes me wanna dance with someone while drinking a vodka cranberry and wearing skimpy clothes and red lipstick WHERES MY BODY RHYTHM PERFORMANCE CHOI MINHO YOU ABSOLUTE T E A S E

[tellywoodtrash]

immj2 13 + 14.11.20 lbs

13.11.20

i’m just gonna skim through this one, coz i don’t wanna dwell on the death and maatam and all.

hahahahahahahahaha riddhima is screaming at god for letting this happen and kabir is like “bhagwaan ko beech mein kyun laa rahi ho, mujhe bhi toh credit do!” i truly love this crazyass fucker.

riddhima continuing to scream at god about vansh jissne “KOI KABHI BURA KAAM NAHI KIYA HAI” ?!?!?!!?!?!?!? sis what the fuck???? first of all, none of us over the age of like...... 7, are truly sinless. and THIS MAN PARALYZED AND THREATENED TO KILL YOU MULTIPLE TIMES, FFS.

KABIR IS MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, I AM KABIR

now she trying to throw herself off the cliff and for some reason i cannot understand, kabir is holding her back????? literally why, my bro????? let her die, saaari musibatein khatam. ugh, you still have some kinda residual feelings for her from your not-that-kameena days, don’t you?

asalkdjaldkjsaldkjsalkdjl riddhima ke andar OG prerna ka bhoot chadh gaya, she hitting kabir with danda the way Mother India did dhulaayi of yudi in the disco (still one of the most iconic scenes of tellywood for me, istg)

dude, idk if it’s just ego waale possesive issues or he still has feelings for her, but kabir def wants riddhima to be “his girl”. even after danda beating he’s trying to help her as she stumbles around in sadma.

anyway she sauntered off rubbing that stupid muffler of vansh’s on her face. SIS YOU GONNA BREAK OUT IF YOU RUB SUCH GANDA KAPDA ON YOUR FACE.

5 min of flashbacks of vansh. fwding.

family (dadi, chanchal, and all the rest of the riff-raff) has come back home and ghar is all dark.

weird how angre is also with them. i woulda thought he’d be on whatever tasks vansh set him on, instead of doing mandir yatras with these assholes.

mummy has decided to break news in most non-tactful way ever. wearing all white and has set up photu with haar already.

yeah, requisite screaming and crying blah blah. nahi dekhna.

i’m only here for ishani and angre’s reactions. bechaare look genuinely devastated. i mean dadi does too, but bohut hi zyaaaada overdramatic and i’m getting uncomfortable.

riddhima has returned.

to her surprise everyone already knows. zara dimaag lagao behen, how they even found out before you reached??? (ok no i understand you’re numb from trauma rn and can’t think of all this, but i hope your idiot brain thinks of it later.)

WHY THE FUCK IS DADI YELLING AT RIDDHIMA KI TERE HOTE HUE KAISE HUA YEHHHHHH, WHO THE FUCK IS SHE TO TAALOFY GIANT COSMIC DECISIONS LIKE LIFE AND DEATH????? isse apni khud ki jaan nahi sambhali jaati, let alone someone else’s.

holy shit she’s actually saying, “tu toh uski dhaal thi, uske liye tuney goli khaayi thi, iss baar kaise chook gayi????” MAN, FAMILIES OF DESI BOYS REALLY BE FUCKIN WILDDDDDDDDDDDDDD WITH THEIR EXPECTATIONS FROM BAHUS. one time she took a bullet for him wasn’t enough????? you want her to actually fucking die before something happens to him. god forgive me but i really wanna slap this dadi rn.

mummy cooking up some fucking ridiculousssssss story about gunde in the house and how vansh was chasing them and gaadi khaayi mein gir gayi and god knows whatttt

ok she’s saying siya got the call about it and she was running down the stairs while in shock and now whoopsie daisy, she’s in critical condition (probably in a coma or some shit.)

aryan looks sad at the siya news. thank god this mummy ka niyana has basic consideration for someone else other than himself and his mother.

mummy ka rona dhona drama fwding.

ishani is now yelling at angre. which..... kinda deserved. you’re his safety person dude.

ok too much crying. fwding.

riddhima asking mummy why you lie to family about how he died. mummy like how tf i tell them police dragged him out and he died in an encounter for trying to escape. it’s better for them to not know the truth. which.............. ok fair, but coming from this shadyassss woman......

god this mummy ka ainvayi praising vansh waala scene is going on too long. fwding.

riddhima back to room. some more flashbacks. OUFF. FWDING.

obligatory kamre ka tod-phod scene. FWDING!!!!!!!!!!

fell asleep crying and holding one of his coats.

LMAO ISHANI KA MANN NAHI BHARAA GHAR KE ITNE CASUALTIES SE............ SHE’S LIKE WHAT’S ONE MORE????

dadi slapping ishani for doing what any one of us would do, honestly, so.... whatever. fuck off dadi.

ishani telling 100% truth ki jabse this useless b has entered my bhai’s life, his problems have been never ending, i’m fucking sureeeeeeeeee she’s the reason he’s dead. the only voice of reason in this show, truly.

dadi all WOH EK HAADSAAAA THAAAA, NOONE CAN CONTROLLLL THOSEEEE, oh yeah, not the sentiment that you were expressing to riddhima when she walked in, you stupid old bat. whatever, i’m fwding this scene.

kabir and mishra have entered house. coz they are awwal no. ke sadists. need to get off on watching this family cry and suffer.

LMAO THE LOOK RIDDHIMA GAVE KABIR. HE’S LEGIT SCARED OF HER.

angre bhi staring daggers at kabir. chal hatt, i know for sure you’re behind saving vansh and stashing him somewhere to crawl out whenever it’s the right time. 

body nahi mili blah blah blah

lol this one’s face clearly says milegi bhi kaise, main tum logon ki tarah nikamma nahi hoon. i have 16% success rate. it’s low but it’s more than y’all 0%.

lmaoooooo oh DOW DIGGY DIGGY DOW DIGGY DOW DOW, i love you sooooooooo much.

ALSO WHAT A MISSED OPPORTUNITY TO MAAROFY THE PUN KI “MAINE VANSH KE VANSH KO MITAAAAA DIYAAAAAAAA” severely disappointed in you, kabir.

yup. appropriate response. to just generally all the men in your life.

lmao riddhima like you arrested vansh ONLY COZ I LOVEDDDDDDD HIMMMMMMMMMMMM. lol the amount of self delusion. sis, his feelings for vansh were faaaaaaar more powerful and intense than anything he ever felt for your dumb ass.

kabir saying there’s nothing left for you here, why don’t you come back to me and lmao............... he tried.

 “riddhima nahi. riddhima vansh raisinghania.” 

ok whatever you say, sis. i’m just grateful to god this manhoos episode is finally over.

———————————————————————

14.11.20

redo of last scene.

lmao kabir is like I HATED VANSH WAAAAAAAAAAAAY BEFORE YOUR DUMB ASS FELL FOR HIM. YEAH I DON’T LIKE THAT YOU PICKED HIM OVER ME, BUT I’M NOT SO BAD THAT I’D TAKE REVENGE FROM HIM FOR THAT. yeah, dude. he just wanted his money; not youuuuuu. like..... chillll. kahaan se aata hai logon ko itnaaaaa confidence khud pe???

kabir saying i had proof vansh killed ragini, i found his watch there next to the body. she’s like i had it, i took it to repair it, and ragini died in front of me. vansh wasn’t anywhere near there.

lmao she’s back to shoving him around. what an annoying bitch she is. 

kabir like did you SEE who shot ragini? no????????? then it could very well have been vansh, right????? plus i got that footage from 3 years ago.

she’s like hein hein heinnnnn where you get it from when i burnt that chip????????? OH NOW SHE’S USING HER BRAINNNNN. SO WAS VANSH THE ONE RENDERING HER SO FUCKING STUPID? NOW HE’S NOT ADDLING HER BRAIN WITH LUST HORMONES, HER 3 BRAIN CELLS ARE FINALLY WORKING AGAIN!!!!!!!!!! take this as proof, ladies. MEN MAKE YOU FUCKING DUMB AS SHIT BY JUST MAKING YOU BREATHE THE SAME AIR AS THEM.

kabir saying someone from inside the house probably saved it and sent it. and that vansh made all this happen by taking mishra’s gunnnn and forcing them to take the sunsaaaan paaath and he tried to runnn and blah blah blah.

again he’s asking her to come be with him and she’s like gtfo i don’t wanna see your cuteass face anymore, you’re dead to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ok she didn’t say the cute bit, i did. i think y’all already knew that. but how to resist??? he sho cute!!!!!! 

mishra like this b kuch zyaada nahi bol gayi???? 

“dil par jo chot lagti hai, woh nazar nahi aati, but ghaav bohut gehra hota hai. yeh dard maine bhi mehsoos kiya tha, jab riddhima mujhe chod ke chali gayi thi vansh ke paas.” heinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn? now he suddenly is/was truly in love with her again???? bhai, tu decide karle, ki if she’s just a pawn to you or something more. ainvayi jhool raha hai idhar udhar.

mishra like, ok whatever, but where vansh’s body tho???

clearly not him. the head shape alllllll different.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS THEY FINALLY PUT RRAHUL’S FINE ASS IN JEANS!!!!!!

again, no wedding ring. dead body is not vansh.

“bhagwaan jaane kahaan chali gayi uski laash.” lmao i really loled the way he delivered the line. i really love him the mostttttttttt.

kabir you are honestly suchhhhhhhhhhhhhh an idiot, if you think not getting his body is a good thing. DON’T YOU KNOW HIM AT ALL??????? AT ALLLLLLLL????? NO BODY MEANS HE’S STILL OUT THERE, BIDING HIS TIME TO FUCKING COME GET YOUUUUUU.

he’s like good, vansh didn’t even get antim sanskaaaar. who knew kabir was sooooo religious??????

vansh so efficient and independent ki khud ka kriyakaram kar raha hai. aatmanirbhar ho toh aise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

not before he maarofied his own pocket tho.

“bohut jald iss VR mansion ke aage KR mansion ka signboard hoga.” hein???????? the R in there is for RAISINGHANIA. why the hell would you add one random surname to your name??????

YEAH. I KNOW THOSE CHITTAAA-ASSS EARSSSSSSS.

OMFGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG BHAGWAAAAAAN NE MERIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII SUNNNNNNNNNNN LIIIIIIIIII THEY MADE HIM SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE ASALKJDLKJDSLAKJDLASKAS

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG THE DUMBASS FAKE DEEEP VOICE IS GONE TOOOOOOOOO ALKSDJSALKDJLASKJDLSAKJDLASKJDLASKJDLKJLKS I JUST

styling also EXAAAAAAACTLY HOW I LIKE IT.

helllllllllllllllllllllllo hunny. NOW YOU’VE MADE THIS SHOW FINALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY WORTH WATCHING. bas thodaaaa saa tharakkkkk ka maska i need to make my tellywood viewing experience sooooooo much easier. AUR WOH MUJHE AAAAAAJ SE MIL GAYAAAAAAAAAAA.

ok 13 days later.

bitch looks better after going through life-altering trauma than i do on my most stable mental health days.

talking to portrait about how the misery is unending, etc. etc.

kabir still calling her. WHY??????? dude just take the L and move the fuck on.

lmaooooooo mummy is like 13 din rone ki acting kar karke aankhon ki band baj gayiiiiii. 

standard mwahahahahaha we succedded bufoonery from too complacent evil ppl. dumb dumb dumbbbbb!

but let’s admire this evil cutie bean.

riddhima’s mangalsutra which she justttttt set down on that bureau missing. she in a panic.

ofc these two are behind it.

ishani wants the truth about that dayyyyyyy and aryan jumping in about how riddhima never loved vansh and just always doubted him and blah blah.

my question is since when aryan loves vansh bhaiiiiiii so much huh???????

anyway. this happens. and those two are left plotting some more about getting the truth out.

VIHAAAAAAAAAAAN is the new name.

seeeeee????? i knew his ass had some lucrative skill in the current economy. he some tech bro types.

CAN YOU BELIEVEEEEEEEEE THEY HID THAT FUCKING JAWLINE AND THOSE DIMPLES UNDER THAT BEARD FOR 5 WHOLE MONTHSSSSSSSSS. FUCKING HUMAN RIGHTS CRIMEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

unf, boy got cake. that ass just needed shirali to stay tf away from it.

also askdjalskjdlsakdjlaskjdlkj they turned ragini’s container waala room into his hacker man cave. what a wonderfully multipurpose room!

honestly, i’m just soooooooooo relieved i can just watch this show for eyecandy now. kaleje ko suchhhhhhhh thandak, yougaizzzzz.

banda khud vansh ke net worth (5000 cr.) ko dekh kar hairaan pareshaan. yeah, this much wealth accumulation is fucking immoral, asshole. you vansh did deserve to get thrown off a fucking cliff.

show laaaaaaaaaakh convince karne ki koshish karle ki yeh koi aur hai, my bullshit meter says it’s vansh vansh and no one else but vansh.

unrealistic af, someone PRINTING photos out in this day and age. what kinda tech person are you???????

lmao he’s checking out each photo for each family member and the commentssssssss.....

rudra chacha and chanchal chachi: “kaafi expressive faces! koshish bhi kare chupaane ki toh bhi chupaa nahi paa rahe ke lomdiii hain yeh ghar ke.”

aslkdjaslkdjlsakjdlskjdlksj i already like him better than old vansh.

aryan: “doosron ke bharose jeene waala.”

ishani: “raisinghania hone ka bohut ghamand hai, magar bechaari ki shaadi angre se ho gayi.”

how he know that if he not vansh????? angre not even in this set of pics.

siya: “kehte hain jo chal nahi sakte, unka wifi network bohut strong hota hai..... kab, kahaan, kya pakad le, koi nahi jaanta.”

“aur yeh hai....... RIDDHIMAAAAA....... iss parivaar ka most special aur khoobsoorat member.”

“moh aur maaya...... dono ka mel [...]”

yup, i definitely like this cheeky and cheesy persona better than the murder-threatening-paralyzing shit we had to put up with earlier. happy days, you guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! happy days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ziracona]

ive spent all day reading your dbd fic and i have sooooo many feelings about all of them that i dont even know how to put into words. your grasp on the characters is just so incredible, there were characters i didnt know or care about who i now absolutely love and would do anything for purely because of how you wrote them and made me connect to them. i've been reading a lot of dbd fic despite only having played (and failed at) one entire game, and your characterisations will always be my gold star i think, no other has ever seemed to capture the characters so genuinely in a way that doesn't just also excuse their actions, i love how indepth you go into the moral ambiguity of it all. either way, out of all the fandoms im in no other fics have ever just made me actually feel so much, made me physically ache and hurt with what's happening to these characters.

i also really love your character interactions, found family is my all time favourite trope it makes me all gooey and tender even when its also angsty and made me cry like your anna fic did (my mom 😭). also love the dumb teenage antics and interactions between joey & quentin in both their fics, and im also ridiculously invested in them now when before i couldnt tell one legion from the other 😭 i already loved quentin from watching noes but your joey pov and the glimpses into his psyche and history and feelings has won me over too.

ive also set aside my entire weekend to read and absorb and analyse and contemplate and ponder in living memory, im beyond excited 😌😌😌 sorry for this ramble i was just emo

TuT God this is all so sweet I have no idea how to respond! Thank you! 😭💙

I am so glad you enjoy how I write my kids! Character is my favorite story element (surprising no one I’m sure lol), so I am always thrilled when people like how I do that! TuT ahhhh that’s so sweet; thank you! And I am really happy tou enjoyed my like, secondary humanity & virtue ethics study threads—dbd is /such/ a complicated and intricate situation for the charcaters in it, and there’s just so much fascinating black and white and so much grey to just kind of try to think about. Any individual living through either role in the realm would just have so much awful shit to unpack, and god even being one of the sympathetic killers even if you were lile, Rin and had no control, or Adiris and lied to, it would be so hard to get over or through what you did and experienced and even know /how/ to move on. I really like realism and complex character study, so I was living getting to just dig into personal journies for 20+ major charcaters. AH and I am so happy you really enjoyed that side of it in particular too! It’s one I only hear people bring up every so often and I am always ecstatic.

Seriously, thank you so much. Knowing I was able to create that level of emotional impact is priceless to me. TuT💙💙💙 Thank you. And I am glad you like the Found Family! Damn if that isn’t just the best ever trope. ^u^ 💙 I love it. Life really just kind of is all about hope and trying to become a better person each day and learning to know and love and forgive yourself and do the same with the people you gravitate to who are worth it and find you worth it and become the family you both deserved I cry. 😭 Ahhhh and Half-Life! That one messed me up too but god, she’s trying and they’re both so awkward and uncertain and sad but sweet and trying. Eeehhh, yeah! The JoeyQuin fics are so fun to write they vibe so well, and I am so happy you’re invested in them!!! Me too bro, haha. I am working on NDF rn because I really want to update it’s been too long. TuT

AH!!! A fellow NOES2010 fan! Bless; loved him in that too. I am so glad you love my son and I hope you continue to get the best of times watching the poor boy try to do his absolute best while suffering. 😭 Love him.

Also WHOA, holy shit! I wish you the best of luck, but don’t push yourself! ILM is a fucking /long-ass/ fic, and while I know someone read it in two days once, I truly live in awe of anyone who did it in two weeks or less. Godspeed however it goes speed wise though, and thank you so much for this incredible comment, and I hope you enjoy! 💙💙💙 Seriously I cannot thank you enough for giving me such a meaningful and sweet message to read and taking time out of your life/day to brighten mine. It means more than I properly know how to express.

Goodnight, and I hope you enjoy ILM! I think it’s my favorite thing I’ve ever written.

[destiel-otp-yayy]

Okay so guys... Like I really need advice.

This is going to be long post so sorry but here goes nothing

I have a friend... À best friend actually (let's name him X, cause why not)

So X contacted me through another best friend of mine around 4 years ago on Facebook because he found me cute (I didn't kmow this then). I usually never accept requests of people I don't know in real life but my friend told me he's harmless and stuff and honestly he lived in a different city so I didnt think much and accepted the request.

We began talking initially and I realised that he probably has a crush on me or something but I didn't think much of it cause we barely spoke. Slowly and gradually X, my friend and I started having phone calls and in some time it was just X and I, talking.

It took probably a year or so and X and I genuinely became great friends. He started dating some radom girl and I was really busy with studies but we always made time for each other whenever needed.

Even though he was probably always in a relationship with someone, he used to casually flirt with me and I never thought much of it at all and honestly I just laughed it off, cause I never thought of him as anything more than a great friend.

A little background on how our friendship really was (and still is actually)

He and I are absolutely opposite. I am a staunch leftist and he is sooo right in his ideologies that I cannot breathe sometimes. I don't think there is anyone in this world who I have blocked as many times as I have him. But I just can never stay mad at him for long.

Slowly as years went by I realised he had become sensitive towards some things and was no longer the rightist, borderline sexist guy. He had really changed.

I never tried to change him but one day he just said "(my name) you have changed me into a good human being)

I can never forget this cause I almost cried that day (I will never admit this to him)

All this while I had never met him in person. NEVER.

He has always expressed his interest in me openly and propositioned me several time (like 5 mins ago) and most of time this happened he had been in a relationship with some person (which obviously made me believe he was joking and hopefully he was) but I am 100% sure he really likes me

Now coming to how I feel

He is my best best best friend and there is nothing as important to me as his friendship but lately (around 6 months now?) I realised I was developing feeling for him? Honestly can't be too sure but idkkk maybe I am?

One night we were talking on the phone and he told me that he broke up with his girlfriend via text which really pissed me off cause who does that? Like, talk like an adult. And one thing led to another and I started crying and idk where this conversation went but I told him that I can never take his flirtations seriously because almost everytime he did flirt, he was seeing someone else. Upon hearing this, he became quite serious but the conversation went on a different tangent and we didn't talk for 3 days

But that night I realised something.... I probably really liked him....

Now it's been 6 months since then, and he has officially broken up with his girlfriend (the same one he broke up with via text, but they had gotten back together, it was a whole big mess) and now idk what to do.

He's sad, so I don't want to say anything.

But rn... Like while I was writing all this, he messaged me saying that he really loved me (it's not the first time) but idk whether to take him seriously or what? I'm confused and it's 2 am

So now you guys tell me what to do

[ynkkoo-a]

            ♡◞  𝐤𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐨𝐨  𝐬𝐚𝐲𝐬  𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒌 𝒖  !

            not  at  me  repurposing  one  of  my  theme  graphics  bc  i’m  a  lil  lazy  babie  ,  but  !  since  i  jus  hit  another  follower  milestone  n  the  decade  is  comin  to  a  close  ,  i  jus  wanted  to  say  thank  u  to  all  my  mutuals  n  followers  n  such  who  rly  made  this  last  year  enjoyable  on  this  hellsite  !  2019  was  tough  on  a  lot  of  us  in  a  lot  of  ways  ,  but  we  all  did  it  ,  babyluvs  !  we  saw  it  out  to  the  end  n  hopefully  the  20′s  are  a  lot  prettier  for  us  all  !  p.s.  i’m  sorry  to  anyone  not  mentioned  !  i  hav  the  memory  n  attention  span  of  a  babie  fish  ,  but  i  luv  all  of  u  soso  so  much  n  u  rly  all  do  mean  the  absolute  world  to  me  !  ♡

            first  off  ,  jus’  a  quick  an  honourable  mention  to  all  of  my  nonnies  of  the  year  ,  wherever  u  babies  are  now  !  in  particular  ,  my  cherry  nonnie  ,  my  jk  anon  (  @jminacious​​  )  ,  my  boo  ,  my  strawberry  nonnie  ,  n  my  grades  anon  !  n  anyone  else  who  has  sent  me  sweet  nonnies  ,  these  r  jus  the  recurring  ones  of  the  year  heh  !  u  sweet  nonnies  own  my  heart  n  truly  made  this  blog  such  a  lovely  n  pretty  n  positive  experience  for  me  ,  n  i  cannot  properly  express  w  words  how  much  all  of  ur  sweet  mssgs  meant  n  mean  to  me  always  !  ^♡^

            starting  off  w  the  mutuals  i  literally  never  speak  to  ,  bc  of  my  shy  babie  antics  ,  but  who  i  admire  from  afar  so  much  !  ur  all  soso  talented  ,  jus  all  around  beautiful  souls  who  deserve  the  prettiest  days  .  pleathe  feel  free  to  come  talk  to  me  ,  i’ll  luv  u  down  w  my  whole  heart  since  i’m  practically  ur  secret  admirer  anyway  .

@miyanez , @kimseokjvn , @rmsrpt , @capitae , @chunghart , @aronpiper , @jinjeongguks , @yukhciz , @cjdoesrpt , @pocmuzings ,  @chuuiez , @leeieno , @igorrpt , @luvgifs , @joonkookies , @drunkblushed , @savta , @frcylan , @jinsoouls  !

            now  ,  to  give  all  my  luv  to  those  who  literally  . . .  hav  my  heart  .  we  haven’t  talked  much  ,  again  bc  i’m  a  shy  babie  ,  tho  sum  of  us  hav  jus  recently  been  talking  more  which  makes  me  very  sparkly  ,  but  !  we  exchange  ims  here  or  there  ,  send  an  ask  or  two  ,  reply  to  n  like  each  other’s  posts  ,  support  each  other’s  content  ---  u  know  ,  we’re  cute  mutuals  !  the  ‘  will  they  ,  won’t  they  ‘  mutuals  !  for  realsies  ,  tho  ,  ur  all  so  talented  ,  whether  it  be  in  making  gifs  or  themes  or  graphics  or  writing  or  whatever  !  ur  talent  astounds  me  n  i  am  beyond  in  luv  w  u  !

@sprfluous , @chanheez , @loonarz , @jungjnsoul , @yeriimss , @hotjoong , @hiqey , @tcehyvng , @kvinabstract , @stcinfelds , @kermitgrinch , @mcninas , @doyyeon , @jminssii , @jiminslolli , @raihelps , @svnflxwer , @softcarpenters  !

            n  now  for  honourable  mentions  !  the  few  ppl  on  this  site  who  my  shy  babie  antics  did  not  keep  me  from  talking  to  n  becoming  friends  w  .  these  are  the  literal  luvs  of  my  life  !  our  ships  are  literally  *chefs  kiss*  ,  i  feel  comfy  cryin’  n  rantin’  to  u  guys  without  worryin  abt  being  annoying  n  i  hope  the  feelin’  is  mutual  ,  i  don’t  feel  even  an  ounce  of  anxiety  when  talkin’  to  u  guys  which  is  such  a  major  thing  for  me  ?  i  consider  u  guys  my  friends  sm  n  our  friendship  literally  means  the  world  to  me  .  ur  soso  talented  in  so  many  ways  n  u  hav  the  loveliest  hearts  ,  n  i’m  so  honoured  to  be  able  to  be  ur  friend  n  to  write  w  u  all  !  

            p.s.  there’s  cute  lil  mssgs  for  each  of  u  under  the  cut  !

@pointlcss , @ultraviclets , @musetories , @briingmetolifc , @heartvfire  !

♡◞  @pointlcss  !

                    alli  !  ♡  i  am  literally  so  happy  that  u  happened  upon  my  lil  1x1  post  a  couple  months  back  n  decided  to  mssg  me  abt  threading  bc  our  cute  lil  starstruck  plot  turned  into  a  friendship  that  i  am  soso  so  thankful  for  ?  there  is  not  anyone  that  i  wld  hav  rather  gone  thru  it  over  jungoo’s  long  hair  ,  tattoos  ,  n  haircut  w  .  that  one  pic  of  jjk  from  season’s  greetings  as  our  matching  discord  icons  . . .  stayin’  up  to  yell  abt  stray  kids’  n  txt’s  comebacks  . . .  i  literally  luv  this  for  us  ?  ur  soso  talented  n  making  gifsets  n  writing  ,  n  i’m  so  happy  i  cld  make  this  last  year  a  lil  bit  special  for  u  ,  bc  u’ve  made  this  year  such  a  special  n  pretty  one  for  me  too  !  i  can’t  wait  to  see  where  our  cute  lil  plot  n  ship  takes  n  i  hope  the  year  has  even  more  luvly  things  in  store  for  us  !  i  luv  n  adore  u  soso  so  much  .  u  rly  are  the  sweetest  soul  out  there  n  i’m  so  happy  to  consider  u  a  friend  !  also  thank  u  for  jus’  now  informing  me  abt  bts’  2020  tour  i  owe  u  my  lifeKSHDKJ  ♡

♡◞  @ultraviclets  !

                    ness  !  ♡  literally  . . .  the  luv  of  my  life  ,  perhaps  ?  i  remember  following  u  when  u  published  ur  first  theme  ,  bc  i  was  jus  like  .  wowow  wubbzy  ?  this  is  beautiful  n  free  n  i’m  broke  n  u  hav  my  heart  ?  n  u  know  ,  for  a  while  we  were  sort  of  will  they  ,  won’t  they  mutuals  ,  too  ,  which  was  cute  for  us  ,  but  i  think  we  actually  started  talking  when  we  were  both  in  abroad  ?  n  then  u  mssged  me  later  on  to  lmk  that  jjk  was  open  in  ur  rp  if  i  wanted  to  join  n  it  made  me  so  absolutely  soft  ???  like  .  ik  it  was  jus  a  lil  thing  but  u  captured  my  whole  HEART  in  that  moment  ?  n  now  ur  genuinely  sumone  that  i  trust  so  much  ,  like  .  the  other  day  when  u  let  me  rant  to  u  a  lil  bit  abt  smth  kinda  silly  ,  rly  ,  it  jus  meant  the  world  to  me  ?  n  u  mean  the  world  to  me  n  !!!  writing  w  u  is  absolutely  wonderful  always  n  our  current  ship  is  *chefs  kiss*  even  tho  i  hav  yet  to  reply  to  our  thread  again  BUT  !!!  i  will  do  it  ,  i  pinky  promise  ,  i’m  sorry  i’m  the  worst  .  u  deserve  the  whole  wide  world  .  ur  talented  beyond  belief  ,  ur  such  a  blessing  to  the  rpc  n  this  hellsite  as  a  whole  ,  n  i  adore  n  am  soso  so  thankful  for  our  luvly  lil  friendship  every  time  we  talk  .  u  truly  hav  made  this  icky  year  a  lot  less  icky  !  u  hav  my  whole  heart  !  ♡

♡◞  @musetories  !

                    sarah  !  ♡  u’ve  genuinely  been  one  of  my  best  friends  for  four  years  +  one  month  now  n  like  ?  wowow  wubbzy  ?  that’s  such  a  long  time  !  from  the  rp  that  shall  not  be  named  to  lit  rally  whatever  tf  we’re  doin  rn  .  u  were  the  first  person  i  ever  rly  shipped  w  on  this  hellsite  ,  even  tho  i  was  a  whole  babie  n  my  writing  was  godforsaken  at  the  time  .  n  now  we  lit  rally  hav  so  many  ships  up  our  sleeves  that  i  can’t  even  name  them  all  ,  but  i  luv  each  n  every  one  of  them  soso  so  much  ?  sum  of  them  are  so  iconic  that  they’re  jus’  eternal  now  (  we’re  rly  ALWAYS  on  our  eli  &  zazzy  bullshit  )  n  i  kind  of  adore  that  for  us  ?  we’ve  spent  so  many  our  jus’  stayin  up  into  the  night  /  morning  writing  novels  in  my  dms  ,  n  those  are  genuinely  sum  of  my  fondest  rp  memories  ?  we  don’t  rly  talk  quite  as  much  anymore  ,  but  that’s  okay  n  it  happens  !  we’ve  had  sum  ups  n  downs  ,  but  i’m  genuinely  soso  so  thankful  for  ur  friendship  these  last  four  years  n  here’s  to  four  more  heh  !  n  also  u  got  my  into  bts  so  i  owe  u  my  lifeKJSHKD  ♡

♡◞  @briingmetolifc  !

                    mozzie  !  ♡  wowow  wubbzy  ,  i  cld  genuinely  write  a  novel  abt  u  ?  we’ve  been  friends  for  practically  four  years  now  ,  too  ,  n  to  think  it  all  started  w  our  one  lil  ship  in  the  rp  that  shall  not  be  named  !  i  can  actually  n  genuinely  jus  talk  to  u  abt  anything  ?  whether  it  be  our  ships  ,  a  random  plot  i  wanna  write  ,  the  political  state  of  our  country  ,  how  fucked  ap  classes  are  ,  mister  jungoo  himself  ,  whatever  issues  i’m  having  w  sumone  that  i  need  to  get  off  my  chest  ---  there’s  literally  no  limit  or  bounds  to  what  we  can  talk  to  n  it’s  so  nice  ?  like  .  i  genuinely  trust  u  so  much  ?  u’ve  always  jus  kinda  been  That  Person  who  i  know  i  can  trust  w  anything  ,  who  i  never  felt  wld  judge  me  ?  like  i  can  jus  tell  u  anythin  ,  i  trust  u  so  much  .  ur  genuinely  one  of  my  best  friends  ,  even  when  ur  tryin  to  fight  my  babie  or  we’re  both  bein’  bratty  n  silent  treatmenting  each  other  or  ur  bein  a  stubborn  lil  babie  n  won’t  let  me  do  ur  theme  for  u  even  tho  !!!  i  luv  doing  ur  themes  !  but  it’s  okay  bc  u  hav  my  heart  ,  n  i  genuinely  ???  wld  be  such  a  different  person  w/o  u  in  my  life  for  the  past  four  years  i’m  sure  ?  n  also  ur  such  an  amazing  writer  ,  ur  muses  are  so  unique  n  ur  writing  is  so  fluid  n  ???  god  !!!  everythin  abt  u  is  smth  that  i  adore  .  pleathe  come  to  california  n  be  my  first  kissie  . . .  i  luv  u  !  ♡

♡◞  @heartvfire​  !

                    kacchan  !  ♡  oh  my  god  ???  where  in  the  world  do  i  even  BEGIN  ???  ur  genuinely  one  of  the  most  important  ppl  in  my  life  .  i  met  u  first  when  i  was  a  literal  fckin  babie  in  the  rp  that  shall  not  be  named  a  whole  four  years  ago  now  ,  n  like  .  we  didn’t  talk  a  ton  at  first  ,  but  u  were  never  weird  or  condescending  bc  i  was  young  ?  like  ,  we  eventually  did  start  talking  n  i’m  soso  like  ???  happy  that  we  got  close  ?  like  .  since  day  one  ,  i’ve  looked  up  to  ur  writing  n  u  as  a  person  ?  ur  characters  were  always  so  insanely  creative  and  unique  and  ur  writing  was  so  fluid  n  beautiful  n  just  ?  u  were  literal  goals  to  lil  14yr  old  kookoo  .  n  even  now  ,  whenever  i  do  a  reply  to  u  ,  i  will  literally  write  n  rewrite  it  five  times  over  before  posting  it  bc  i  want  to  make  sure  it’s  as  good  as  urs  is  !  like  !!!  god  ur  so  talented  !  n  like  .  especially  as  of  late  ,  we’ve  jus  gotten  super  close  ?  n  like  .  i’m  genuinely  so  happy  abt  it  ???  our  friendship  is  genuinely  a  WHOLE  blessing  in  my  life  ,  like  .  ik  i  can  talk  to  u  abt  anything  n  u  can  talk  to  me  abt  anything  n  we’ll  meet  eachother  w  the  same  amount  of  enthusiasm  ?  we  can  vent  to  each  other  n  completely  understand  n  empathise  n  talk  things  out  so  we  feel  better  n  it’s  jus  ???  we  jus’  get  each  other  ??  so  nice  .  thank  u  for  listening  to  me  when  i’m  anxious  or  sad  ,  n  for  not  thinkin  ill  of  me  when  i’m  bein  a  brat  ,  even  when  it’s  for  silly  reasons  ,  n  for  listenin  to  n  not  judging  me  when  i  talk  abt  jungoo  n  bts  ,  even  tho  i  talk  to  them  a  lot  n  ik  i  can  be  a  bit  much  sumtimes  .  like  ,  genuinely  ?  i’m  abt  to  start  crying  rn  ,  i’m  so  thankful  for  u  .  u’ve  helped  shape  me  so  much  as  a  person  .  helped  me  grow  as  a  writer  .  i  met  u  at  one  of  the  worst  n  most  important  ages  of  my  life  n  u’ve  impacted  my  life  such  an  insane  amount  ???  u’ve  always  been  the  first  person  to  talk  to  n  comfort  me  when  things  go  to  shit  n  i  truly  cannot  express  how  much  that  has  always  meant  to  me  .  i  genuinely  think  i  wld  be  a  bit  of  a  different  person  n  not  as  confident  in  my  writing  if  i  didn’t  hav  u  to  look  up  to  for  these  past  four  years  .  i  trust  u  so  much  n  i  luv  u  soso  so  much  !  n  i  am  going  to  reply  to  the  dm  u  sent  me  properly  ,  i  jus  need  2  formulate  my  thoughts  properly  first  ,  so  pleathe  hav  this  for  now  !  u  literally  hav  my  whole  HEART  !!!  ♡

[misterbitches]

- sun’s advice was terrible tho that’s y u followed ur dreams so if mork has any dreams besides being cute and confused encourage that 

i cannot express how much i enjoy their dynamic. it’s usually all the things that i think i need; someone who can keep up, who’s probably more outgoing and outwardly personable, a little older since sometimes it seems like you’re operating on 50 yr old levels of stress, and someone that will support you and make you laugh. that could give way to co-dependence but when done slowly and when you don’t have absolute insanity carried with you it’s soooo cute. 

i always love when the more quiet/reserved/probs sadder lmao person is being helped and theyre like uh no but then their Bae is like “no srsly”

“no” “no but really” “i can carry these 5000 bags by MYSELF” and they just stare at them til they’re like ohuasfojifa OKAAAY

i’m rly not in2 not having free will, but it’s easier to relinquish control or calm down and notice people have ur back too when u let them care 4 u! wow ! i dont want any angst...

it’s also nice how like...outwardly cute sun is (sunny...ahahahhahahahha...) and mork is like >:O or >:? but he’s not really grumpy, cos i hate mean grumpy ppl esp men, just more to himself and up in the clouds. he and rain are one of my fav friendships i’ve seen in a while. how nice is it to know that you have a friend that will always listen to you? protect you? cover for you? and he doesnt really expect much in return, but that’s rain’s boy!!! x___X 

x______________x

gna keep upd8nng as i remind myself:

- when he (mork) was like “lemme help u” in kma moving the table cos he’s #cute and sun was like ?word? and also when he came 2 Fite those dudes in the cafe with Rain and also when he saw sun staring at kao and he was like aw that’s sad huh - podd looks a lot older than he actually is lmao (if that is indeed his real age) and it floors me every time that he’s younger than me, he doesn’t look ancient just legit in his late 20s/early 30s (thank god he nor sun is cos rme) but i digress - sun obbbvvvvsssssss thinks he’s cute but im like do u always nag ppl u like so much? i know they like each other and sun probably knows more abt his feelings cos mork is 404notfound but i wonder when it will like hit him fully cos rn i dnt see it just like oh wow ur cute and i like staring in2 ureyes - i am increeeeddddiiiiibllllyyyy curious as to what mork’s like in love (anticipating i will come back 2 this 2 c wat i thot) like hes probs more ok with sun taking care of him, im sure he likes to be touched byhim, he’s obvs sentimental so he’ll probs(if he doesnt) have a folder of Sun Stuff idt he’s not forthcoming with his feelings it’s just hard for him 2 think ppl care? and obvs he is v reckless to a fault but when he asked sun about the rent on the cafe and let him talk about why he started it and then told him about how much his dad loves him (fiiiirrstable wow cute u love ur best friend, his dad, n his bro *_*) he’s proven to be a caring person and friend and will def b a caring bf. i wonder if it hurt him when he pushes sun during FenceGate - the scene where mork is cleaning up sun’s injuries i thot the earplugs were a cochlear implant, i rewound it a trillion times and then i was like wait those r..earplugs LOL but u ever think abtwhy u wanted 2 clean his injuries huh mork??!!?!!?!??!??!  - ik im not rly a power dynamic person so i prefer an equality in the give/take, i think theyre both tooooo stubborn to be able to relinquish control but there’s a diff in just letting someone be with you and not needing to be on all the time. like for once mork can relax - when mork got ready 4 sun (”work”) cutest shit ever lmao im positive he knows that he obvs feels diff abt sun to rain but he’s like rly working hard to get thru it lmaoooo and sun’s like bitch ill wait - uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh looking in2 each other’s eyes...idk how they’re moreromantic than what we get with petekao and theyre not even together but (upside smiiley face emoji)  - the smiles during the  apron tying and the lolz at the kitty stuff. first of all, this is why i think theyll be smooth sailing once they get their shit together cos that was so nice! genuinely just like a mutual luv/understanding~*~** but i guess mork is rly fond of that family - i have more things i ned to come back 2 iahsughaj lots of fun might rewatch their stuff, cure my depression and be acne-less - sun would defffff fpush mork’s hair out of his eyes

cool