#i guess i'm just trying to make sense of what i'm feeling

[valerie-is-in-the-cupboard]

The ABCs of Alastor - Dirty Secret

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

MATURE CONTENT AHEAD! MINORS DNI!

Words: ~1600 TW: oral (female receiving) while on period

"Why are you avoiding me?"

It was a simple question. One simple question, yet the way he looked at you gave away the fact that this was far from the truth.

Alastor never seemed to be so good at comforting people, but with you at least he tried. He'd spend hours with you whenever you were sad, giving you his wise advice that most of the time implied killing someone. He'd bring you different gifts whenever you said you were interested in something. And you damn well knew he would murder someone who dared to do you wrong.

So it was kind of hard to understand why he avoided you so much every time you were on your period. Every time you needed him by your side, he'd disappear without a trace. You'd cry for days from how crazy your hormones were acting and how bad your cramps were and he would be nowhere to be seen. Why?

You thought that maybe it had something to do with his human life. Perhaps he was repulsed by the whole idea, but it was kind of hard to believe that someone like him would get so easily scared by something so simple.

Alastor avoided your gaze and looked elsewhere, he shifted from standing still to leaning against the wall with one hand still placed behind his back. You could tell something clearly bothered him, but it was hard to understand what. "I'm not avoiding you, my dear."

"Then why do you always disappear when I'm on my period?" You saw his smile faintly twitching, his ears pressed back on his head. "Are... Are you disgusted by me?" you asked, suddenly feeling a bit emotional at the thought that it would affect him this much.

"No! Of course not!" He said in a somewhat surprised tone, clearly shocked by the question and immediately approaching you. He stands in front of you, towering over you in height. He was still unable to look into your eyes directly as if there was something else bothering him. "It's just..."

"What?"

"Blood," he said bluntly, his tone so low that you could only guess that's what he said.

"It's... what?"

Alastor sighed, looking down at the floor as he did so. He was struggling to explain himself and his facial expression gave it away. He was ashamed, and his pride was slowly shattering at how weak he felt. "It's your blood, my dear... It makes me feel..." he was tapping on his cane, a dark blush spreading on his face. The sight of him all flustered made your heart tingle, but you kept it to yourself, knowing he wouldn't talk to you for days if you said something that you shouldn't.

"... horny?" you asked, not really finding a better explanation for his embarrassment.

Alastor's face went beet red at your question, as he slowly raised his head to look at you, a bit taken aback by your bluntness "I- What- ...That is-" He stuttered, speechless for a few seconds until he finally mumbled out something. "That's one way to put it I suppose, my dear."

You let out an audible 'Oh.' as you made the connections in your head. It made sense considering his preferences, but you never imagined it could have such an impact on him.

"Why didn't you say anything?" you asked.

Alastor still tried his best to avoid your gaze, now placing a hand over at least half his face to try and hide his expression. He was too embarrassed to speak, and he was silently scolding himself for acting like a fool who didn't know how to talk to a woman properly. "I..." he began but then gave up trying to explain himself. How was he supposed to tell you that he'd eat you up like a starved man whenever you got your period? How was he supposed to say to you he's so weak he can't even control his urges over a normal, biological process?

"You know..." you started, making him look at you, your face blushing softly as this new idea popped into your head. "I think we can... solve this... somehow..."

"Fuck! Fuck, Alastor - Ahh~"

His tongue was driving you crazy, as his claws dug into your things, making sure you keep your legs open for him. Alastor was completely lost in the moment, his mind consumed by the intoxicating taste of you and the animalistic urge to lick every drop of blood, his senses heightened and all control slipping away. He can't think straight, can't even form a coherent thought, overwhelmed by the need to have you completely.

The sloppy sounds of him eating you up so eagerly echoed in the room, as your grip on his antlers tightened, a low growl vibrating through your body. His usual collected demeanour was long gone as his tongue pumped in and out of you, sucking and kissing your clit, desperate to consume you entirely.

His mind was a chaotic, primal whirlwind of raw need, every sense and thought completely consumed by the overwhelming hunger for you. He couldn't hold back even if he tried; every movement, every sound he made was fueled by an uncontrollable animalistic desire. He was practically snarling against you, his growls a stark contrast to the usual suave tone of his voice.

Your heart skipped a bit as his form grew in size, his radio-dial eyes looking at you, a hint of madness in them. His long tongue delved deeper and deeper, exploring every part of you. The suction and rhythmic movement made your head spin, and the sight of his now monstrous form between your legs was almost too much to handle.

"You have no idea how torturous it was for me, my dear..." you heard him say, the static in his voice almost deafening. "Smelling all this blood without being able to taste..." Long fingers entered you roughly, moving at a fast pace as a thin coat of red liquid covered them.

"Ahh~ Shit, Alastor! I'm gonna... Ahhh~"

His pace quickened as he sucked on your clit, the room spinning as your body aggressively trembled against his mouth. The sudden burst of pleasure almost made you cry, as your walls clenched tightly around his fingers.

The thin line between pain and pleasure threatened to be crossed as he fingerfucked you through your orgasm. The lights in the room flickered as his gaze never left yours for a moment. You shivered slightly, feeling as if you were about to be literally eaten alive by him.

His sharp teeth were full of blood, but you knew he craved more. He always told you how addicted he was to you, how much he needed to just have you completely. And he was going to.

His fingers were quickly replaced again by his tongue, the familiar feeling inside of you rapidly building up again.

"Alastor! Ah~ I can't!" you begged, feeling as if you were about to pass out any moment now, a low growl vibrating against your aching core. If you were being completely honest, you weren't even sure if he heard you. You squirmed against his grasp, only for his claws to dig deeper into the soft skin of your things, making sure you were not moving until he was satisfied.

Your knuckles were white because of how hard you were gripping the bedsheet that was now probably drenched in your blood. Alastor is in the thralls of primal ecstasy, his whole being hyper-focused on consuming you, giving into the animalistic needs that have taken over his mind entirely. The taste of you on his tongue, the sight of you writhing desperately beneath him, are driving him wilder and wilder, his self-control completely shattered.

You scream his name as you orgasm once again and you could swear you almost fainted when you reached the peak, even the feeling of his tongue sliding out of you becoming a torture.

Your vision was blurry as your body relaxed, the sudden feeling of his hand on your stomach, slowly caressing it, making you shiver. You turned to face him, and his appearance returned back to normal as blood was scattered all over his face.

He is panting heavily, the intense primal need somewhat sated for now, replaced by the more familiar persona of the charming radio demon. His touch on your aching skin was a stark contrast to the wildness he'd just displayed. His gaze, although calmer than before, still held a hint of raw hunger. He looked down at you with a mixture of satisfaction and exhaustion.

"Are you alright, love?"

The way he used that word always made your heart skip a beat, especially now when you saw him so hungry... only for you. You just nodded, not a single word being able to make it out of you. He let go of a deep chuckle, the sound reverberating through you, as he enjoyed the effect he had on you.

Alastor moved closer to you, his frame enveloping your smaller figure protectively. He gently wiped some sweat from your forehead, brushing away a few strands of hair too. He was being affectionate and caring, his usual composed demeanour returning, though you were sure it was not gonna last long.

"You're quite a mess, aren't you, darling?" he teased with a smirk, his voice low and sultry. He placed a soft kiss on your forehead before he got up, making his way to the bathroom to prepare you a warm bath.

So, no, Alastor may never have been good at comforting people the way others were, but with you, he always found a way. Even if his methods were… unconventional, they were his way of showing you just how deeply he cared.

And in the end, you were left to wonder—how many other secrets did he keep even from you? Secret passions, secret dreams... maybe even secrets dirtier than this one. You lay there, smiling to yourself, eager to uncover the rest of his secrets—one by one.

Tags: @ratsematary @littlebluefishtail @xalygatorx @martinys-world

@alastorthirsty @diffidentphantom @itsaubreyofcc @n0tmentallystable

@lettuce-frog16 @eris-norwega @readergirlstuff

@vxllys @xghostnuggsx @ohmylovewhereartthou-blog

@l3rittany @ustulia @catticora

[aangelinakii]

DRUNK WORDS, SOBER THOUGHTS.

— unexpected late night call.

summary : jason's always had a thing for his best friend's sibling. when they ask him to pick them up from a bar because roy would kill them, jason can't help but help a friend in need.

after coming home from patrol tonight, jason wasn't expecting a call from you, especially with your words sounding so slurred. it was unlike you, or at least what he knew about you.

"hey, jace, i've been drinking in your part of town. do you think you can come get me? roy would literally kill me if he knew i'd been drinking down here." those were your words, or, at least, what he could make out through your blurry voice and hiccups.

if jason were your brother, he would kill you himself, too. no blaming roy.

despite being the son of a billionaire, jason preferred to keep out the way, in his own little bubble. it was just a shame the only little bubble he could find was in the dark, dingy cauldron. not a safe place to get drunk in.

he could agree the bars were good, surprisingly. they sold good stuff. but the people couldn't be trusted; even as a man his size, he knew if he wanted to get trashed at a bar, it had to be at a club in bristol, or the safety of his own home.

it wasn't long before jason pulled up outside the bar he had to strain his ears to decipher, and made out your swaying figure lingering on the pavement outside. jesus...

he was quick to hop out his car and hurry to your side, looping a supportive arm around your upper back. your frame bubbled with a hiccup beneath him, and he patiently led your stumbling legs to the passenger's seat of his sedan.

"what are you doing drinking in the cauldron?" jason tried to conceal his sigh as he fell into the driver's seat beside you, and close the door behind him, quick to turn on the heating.

"birthday," you hummed in return, lids falling low over your eyes as you sunk into the warm seat, a nice contrast to both the sweaty pub and nippy air outside.

this time, jason was unable to hide his surprise, turning to you with raised eyebrows. "it's your birthday?" he should've known.

but his surprise quickly bubbled into embarrassment as you huffed out a laugh, shaking your head.

"no, doof," you snickered, peering over at him with your tired, hazy eyes. "friend's."

made sense. he swore it wasn't your birthday any time soon; but he mostly just did that to make himself feel better for jumping to conclusions.

jason's big, scarred hands took hold of the steering wheel, and his feet, still fitted in his heavy boots from patrol, moved to the pedals. with a vrum, the car began to move down the road, lined with drunkards.

a few beats of silence passed between you, and jason watched out the corner of his eye as you leaned forward to press at the stereo, one of his cd's humming to life.

soft shoegaze flowed through the speakers, something you immediately recognised as slowdive, despite your intoxication, and a chuckle brushed past your lips as you leaned back.

"didn't cast you as the slowdive type."

the driver beside you cleared his throat, and he momentarily took his eyes off the road to adjust the stereo, changing it from his cd rack to the radio. "i'm not," he responded sheepishly, although trying to push out a tone of toughness. "where to, then? i guess not to roy."

deciding not to push it, you turned out the window, small bemused smile upon your lips. "roy would kill me." your words were slow as you spoke, an effort to be more inteligible.

wincing as you spoke, you turned to jason with a soft grimace. "can we go back to yours?" a pang gave in your chest as you caught sight of jason's side-eye as the car passed an amber streetlight. now you've done it; gone and called him to pick you up, and then ask him to go back to his. some friend you are, putting him in this position. "i'll make it up to you."

who was jason to decline?

his jaw clenched, and you could hear him breath deeply. your own heart thudded in anticipation.

from beside you, jason let out a gravelly sigh. "fine."

with a dizzy grin, you leaned forward to spin the knob on the stereo, turning up the muffled music. something new on the charts you had yet to hear yet, so there was no use singing along.

soon, jason was pulling up outside his apartment block, and clicking off the music.

"how good are you walking, pipsqueak?" he asked as he pulled the keys from the ignition, and the car gave a grunt as the power left its body.

a scoffed brushed past your lips as your fingers limply grabbed for the door handle, attempting to lift your knees but only grunting. don't get too cocky now.

with a pair of scrunched-together eyebrows, you turned to jason, grumbling at that bemused smile on his stupid lips. you didn't have to speak to answer his question.

he chuckled, and his door clicked open as he pulled on the handle. you watched through the windshield as your brother's best friend grinned stupidly to himself to get to your side.

there would be an unspoken agreement between the two of you to never let roy know about this.

your saviour peeled open the passenger side door and held a hand out, and you noticed that his palm was wrapped in bandage that was beginning to seep a browny-red. best not to ask. chucking wryly, you took hold of his hand, and didn't have to make much of an effort to stand, as jason was strong enough to do so.

roy always went on about how strong he was, often walking into your bedroom in the apartment you shared (gotham rent is too high in the nice parts!) just to flex in your mirror, but when he brought jason round — his best friend — you could tell the immediate winner. jason todd, by a landslide.

shutting the door and locking the car behind you, jason wrapped an arm around your waist, expertly holding you up on your stumbling feet, and escorted you into the lobby of his apartment building. if he weren't trying to help your drunkness, the affection could have been mistaken for something more than friendly. but you were under the influence. he knew better.

it was a struggle getting you up the steps to his floor, but jason got you there eventually, setting you down on the couch, gaze lingering for a moment as you swayed.

hands on hips, jason spoke down to you, voice a mixture of exasperation and amusement. "you eat anything before going out? drink any water at all tonight?"

letting out a soft hiccup, you shook your head slowly, eyes closing to try to eliminate the harsh beginnings of a headache that had began to blossom in the back of your cranium.

in return, the tall man tutted, mouth pursing to the side. he stepped away from the sitting area, and you could hear the distant flush of a faucet coming to life, the muted sound of a glass being filled with water.

he was back, carefully handing you the almost-full glass as he lowered himself to perch on the ledge of the stout coffee table before the couch, hands hovering outside yours as your own grip wobbled with the weight of the cup. after sending him a look, he backed off. you could handle it. maybe.

"the couch okay for you?" jason hummed after a moment, corner of his mouth quirked up, watching you sip gingerly at the tasteless water, although the colour was beginning to return to your face, the blur in your eyes clearing. "or dare i ask if you want my bed?"

pulling the glass from your lips, you swallowed your mouthful before allowing yourself to chuckle and shake your head. "couch is fine." your voice was small, a little crackly and tired.

with another hum, jason stood, and pulled a folded blanket from the back of a bust-up armchair beside the sofa. he traded the blanket for your half-empty glass, and sat against the coffee table again.

unfolding the size of the blanket, watching it get larger and larger, you began to lean back against the plush sofa, prepared for slumber to take over. however, the breath hitched in your throat, and your movements stopped, as the sensation of rough fingertips grazed against your ankle.

when you looked down, vision still owning a blur, jason was helping you with your shoes, so you could put your feet on the couch without a worry.

once you were free, and jason had discarded your shoes by one leg of the coffee table, you tugged your feet beneath the blanket, and sunk down into the cushions. for such a guy jason was, you were surprised by how comfortable he'd made his living room.

head sinking into a plush pillow, you peered up at jason from beneath heavy eyelids. he'd perched his chin in his hand, watching you carefully, eyes and smile soft, black hair touselled.

"jason?" you hummed, and you could see the way his smile widened for a moment before falling neutral.

he leaned closer to you, ears aching to hear you through the slight slur of your tongue and the small volume.

"you know you've always been my favourite of roy's friends." and you couldn't help but chuckle tiredly, the soft laugh morphing into a yawn.

but jason didn't laugh in return, only watching as your eyes slowl fluttered shut. if only you knew that you've always been his favourite of roy's siblings. and he's only got one of those.

[genshingorlsrevengeance]

I would like to request Bronya, Seele, Firefly, Candace, Dehya jealous hc for no reason other than because

(Honkai: Star Rail) Bronya, Seele, and Firefly, getting jealous

Do you really need a reason to see a pouting Firefly? Also will do Dehya and Candace another time, for some reason my brain ain't working.

Bronya knows that she shouldn't feel jealous, but something tugs at her heartstrings whenever she sees S/O's focus away from her.

They had been talking to Serval for quite a long time, making her finger tapping against the desk in a slowly increasing manner.

It distracts her from the paperwork long enough to make the guards notice.

(Guard) "Lady Bronya, is everything alright?"

Her gaze shifts away from S/O as she quickly clears her throat.

(Bronya) "All is well. As you were."

S/O's eyes follow Bronya's voice, noticing that her lips were quivering ever so slightly.

Whenever its just the two of them in the room, S/O brushes their hands against her, Bronya jumping at the sudden sensation.

(S/O) "Bronya? Are you okay?"

Bronya opens her mouth to quickly assure them that it was nothing, instead a sigh leaves her lips, shaking her head.

(Bronya) "This may sound foolish but...Have I been giving you enough attention lately?"

It takes a second for S/O to connect the dots before they smile, squeezing her hand tighter.

(S/O) "Ah, I'm sorry, Serval was just telling me something about her concert and the help she needed."

(Bronya) "I-...I see."

S/O's hand gently shifted upwards to her arm before taking Bronya into a hug, one she melted into almost immediately.

(S/O) "Don't worry, my eyes are always only on you, Bronya."

The compliment warmed her cheeks while she leaned into their embrace.

(Bronya) "And mine are always on you..."

Seele just huffs while S/O speaks to Bronya, crossing her arms and impatiently tapping her foot.

(Seele) "Tch, are we gonna speak to the princess all day, S/O? It's freezing out here."

(Bronya) "Oh, my apologies! I did not intend to keep you two for so long. Have fun on your date-"

(Seele) "Yeah yeah, we will-"

Seele drags S/O off while holding onto their arm, her brows furrowed in clear annoyance.

(S/O) "Seele?-"

Before they could finish their sentence, the realization dawned on S/O.

But knowing better than to phrase it outright lest they get probably punched, S/O instead pecked Seele's cheek to fluster her.

Which worked.

(Seele) "H-Hey, what the-?!"

(S/O) "Where do you wanna go now?"

Sighing, Seele just averts her gaze as the blood starts rushing to her cheeks.

(Seele) "...I-I guess I want to grab something to eat."

Firefly doesn't get jealous all that easily, but when she does it's quite a sight to behold.

Not in the sense that she'd get angry or threatens to crush the person S/O is speaking to with her armor-

No, Firefly's cheek puffs out to one side as she begins to pout, crossing her arms.

Not within eyesight of her S/O, but more to herself with the action being subconsciously made.

Firefly tugs on S/O's arm gently, trying to get their attention while still being polite.

S/O quickly excuses themselves and turns to the pouting Stellaron Hunter before them.

(Firefly) "S/O, are you done talking to her?"

S/O chuckled, giving a soft kiss to her nose and flustering her for just a moment.

(S/O) "You look really cute right now."

Firefly's face slowly starts to heat up as she averts her gaze from meeting theirs.

(Firefly) "T-That isn't going to distract me, y'know!"

[iihandsiiheavn]

ʚɞ "can you bring my girlfriend?" OP81

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⋮ angst, hurt/comfort, fluff. word count: 1,7k

✧₊⁺ oscar piastri x carina duquez (female!oc)

summary: when oscar feels too much, but he'll always have his girlfriend to share life.

warnings: autor with an addiction to angst writing, mentions of a panic/anxiety attack, soft!oscar for the win, lando norris as a special guest.

Oscar feels overwhelmed.

Bahrain gets the hottest track of the year, a hard race to say the least. It feels like there's too much going on, almost like the McLaren driver could sense his skin burning even out of the car.

He usually holds good control over himself; a very disciplined athlete, he heard every call on the radio and hydrated just as much as he could, but the fuzzy feeling won't leave him.

Seeing bright and blind sparks where his vision should be, an anxiety wave crashing in his chest as he stumbles inside the papaya box.

It's not just the heat, being so self-aware makes him sure of that. The medical team follows him inside, just a plain sight, there are people around, but everything seems just too far away. Soaked in sweat and cold water, his heart is beating too fast for him to think clearly.

He needs to get Carina.

Also known as his girlfriend, his baby, his physiologist. Like, legally. Like what she does for a living. Oscar can't be her patient as part of the conduct, but she often helps him out with that kind of stuff, like identifying whether it's physical pain or just anxiety.

"No, I'm okay. I'm okay," the pilot waves his hands as the doctors approach, really focused on keeping his breath regular. "Can you just get my girlfriend? She's somewhere in the VIP. I really need her right now."

"I know you might want some comfort right now, but I need to check you right away."

"You can! Just bring my girlfriend. Can you bring my girlfriend?" As soon as he understood that the man in front of him wasn't going to move, he asked someone in the back. "She'll be here in seconds. I'll let you touch me as soon as she says I'm okay."

Yeah, the doctor is right. Oscar just wants some comfort right now. Carina, besides being very good at what she does for a living, is also an incredibly amazing girlfriend. Her powers go beyond what she studied for.

And heaven seems to be on their side today. One of the guys on the medical team heads out of the room, and Oscar just tries to breathe slowly and deeply.

Carina is there, body almost hanging on the half-wall of the accommodation, trying to get any sign of what's going on inside the papaya garage. Usually, he would wave to her every time he left the car, and that didn't happen today. She felt a sharp pain in her chest, worrying if something had happened.

She's right, somehow. Somebody dressed in McLaren's staff uniform came for her with a pass for the boxes zone and a calming voice, telling her not to worry, that Oscar is okay and just requested her presence.

But, well... Carina knows the boyfriend she got herself. There are not many people who can get into his sensitive space, and if she's being called, there is something sensitive happening. The Aussie girl flew down the access stairs and followed the woman into the light-weighted door, a few seconds until she could see Oscar's red face resting up, the back of his head against the wall, and his body curled up together.

"Hey, Osc." She uses her softest tone, leaving her purse and phone on the closest surface as she approaches. "Pretty hot track, huh?"

Easy to guess. In the past few months, all this F1 pressure started kicking in, the perks of driving a rocketship with such ability, being this much of a promise brought some other stuff to the table.

"Yeah." He muttered, eyes closed, face red. "Am I fine? I can't really feel my face or my hands... Whatever. I can't feel much. Am I okay?"

It'd be funny in some other situation. Oscar does look like a serious guy, like someone too calm and put-together. He tries very hard to be. But sometimes, just like everyone else, he wants someone with answers.

Someone else to think for him, to figure out why everything feels so tangled up.

"Fine as always." Carina keeps her voice low, the good kind of lie. He just needed to feel like he's in control. "Your face is just bloody red, but you know I really find you the cutest when you're like this."

"Stop it." A shy little laugh leaves the Aussie's lips, really less worried as she zips his fireproof down and reaches the sides of his neck, rubbing her cold hands. "Hmm... That feels good."

"Yeah? You're just overheated, okay? Can the doctors check you out? We just need to make sure you're okay."

"Yeah- Yeah, of course. You'll stay here, right? Don't leave, please."

"I'll never leave you. Let's just get checked, and then you'll head home."

So Oscar finally feels comfortable enough to let the other people in the room touch him. Carina stays by his side, even talks to the doctors, and fixes his hair sometimes.

"Ice tub, shower, and then you can head home, Oscar. You were great today." The last person on the medical team finishes cleaning up, standing up before waving a last goodbye and leaving the room.

"Do you still need me here? I can wait for you outside." Carina says softly, tucking his overgrown hair behind his ears. "Take your shower, and I'll get the car, okay?"

"Of course not," he whispers. "can't you stay?"

That's what she does. They follow each other down the corridors in the McLaren facility to where the drivers actually go post-race. A tub of cold water awaits, and Oscar takes seconds before diving in, their last moments by themselves.

"C'mon, Osc! Can't believe the heat got the best of you!" Lando shows up from the front of the garage, towel around his neck as he tries to keep the humor up. "You're okay? Did you get checked?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just got checked." He's still with his eyes closed, someone from the staff pouring one more ice bag into his tub. "It was a whole lot."

"It was, man. It is too hot around here, and the track is even worse. I thought the car was overheating!" Lando agrees. "And hey, Carina! The best medicine is love, huh? That's what they always say."

Oscar can't understand what is happening to him. He's a chill guy, always so calm and down to earth. How come the tug in his chest hits like a hammer sometimes?

It's hard to breathe, to think, and for the first time in forever... To be quiet. He tried hiding in the bathroom, tried showering. Nothing could put the feeling away, and he already felt like a burden. Carina shouldn't be fixing his mind every time something happens. His mind keeps telling him he's supposed to hold himself together.

But it's still too hard, too much.

She's sleeping. After they went back home and after everything cooled down, literally, she was still the one to order their dinner, set the bedroom, and check on him until he fell asleep on her chest. Now he is hiding in the bathroom, making sure she has time to rest.

"Baby? Are you alright? I miss you in bed; you left a while ago."

Damn, he could swear he was slick enough for her not to notice he left.

But she does, she always does. The details are some of her best qualities.

"Uh-hum. I'll be back." His hands shake, touching his own face and trying to dry the tears.

"It's cool, don't worry. Would you mind... opening the door for me? You're locked in."

Carina is good at this, she's a pro. Oscar knows she'll be the best psychologist once she finishes college just by the way she treats people around her, but mostly him.

She makes him feel comfortable before ever going to the point. He doesn't even notice she's doing it.

Still, he doesn't want to cry in front of her anymore, at least not today.

"Osc? Look, you don't need to talk or anything, I just don't want you to be alone. Because you're not."

He could swear that's procedure, although it isn't. She's just being his caring girlfriend, the one he's had ever since middle school.

"I know." The only two words he manages to say. "I'll be back, promise."

"Would you like... would you like me to be inside with you? Or would you rather spend a few more minutes alone? I can come back and check on you in ten minutes."

That could be funny. Carina sometimes uses this positive discipline thing to get in control, and being conditioned really puts Oscar's mind in place.

Her company could be good. He doesn't overthink when he's around her.

And ten minutes can feel like an eternity. So the door gets unlocked, and he steps back.

"Hey, baby..." That's when he melts completely, face hiding in the crook of Carina's neck, arms around her, and sobs a bit too loud.

She just wishes he was smaller so she could hold him fully.

"What the fuck is going on, Rina? I don't understand! Why am I like this? That's not me!" he cries. "Everything feels so different, and I just want this feeling to go away!"

"I know, baby. I know. Things are changing. You're onto big things, big results, consistency... And you're also a public figure. You're facing new things."

"And why can't I just be like Lando? Or Lewis? Or Charles? They make it all look so easy! I just... I just want to be like everyone else!"

"Oh, so you think your friends haven't felt that way? When they went through the same? I mean... Lewis is old enough to be your father so... It's been a long time." Yeah, the humor and the way she runs her fingers through his spine. It all makes the feeling sink down. "Ask Lando, or whoever. I'm sure they faced what you're facing right now. Last year you were a rookie and now you're winning races!"

Not another word in the conversation; only Oscar's body getting heavy and the sobs becoming softer and softer. Carina has no idea how much he has slept.

"You're amazing, Osc. We will get through this, okay?"

"I love you," he whispers. "So, so much... I don't know what I'd do without you."

"You would surely get no sleep. Let's go to bed, wash your face, and go to bed." Her hands travel his back a little more. "I love you too, baby. So, so much."

[koyagifs]

Facade of Perfection

pairing: San x reader au: ex lovers to lovers genre: angst but happy ending summary: san asked to meet up wanting to get you back. warnings: mentions of cheating, swearing, pregnancy a/n: unedited

part 1 | part 2 | part 3

──･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.────

There you and San sat at the restaurant, swirling the cup of wine as you both sat there in silence. The soft clinking of glasses and the distant hum of conversation created a cozy backdrop. You glanced at San, who seemed lost in thought, his brow slightly furrowed. The warm light from the overhead lamps cast a gentle glow on his face, highlighting the tension in the moment.

“Penny for your thoughts?” you finally broke the silence, lifting your glass to take a sip.

San looked up, a hint of surprise in his eyes, and smiled faintly. "I'm just surprised you agreed to meet me"

You hummed, " well, you still haven't signed the papers and Hongjoong and I broke up. A mutual agreeing"

San raised an eyebrow, a mix of curiosity and hope flashing across his face. “Sorry to hear about Hongjoong”

You shrugged, " like i said, it was a mutual break up. Now, why did you ask to meet hm?"

San hesitated for a moment, his fingers tracing the rim of the glass. “I wanted to talk about… everything, I guess. I know things have been complicated between us.”

You leaned back, taking a sip of wine to give them a moment. A small chuckle leaving your lips. " oh yes, complicated"

" so complicated that you decided to cheat on me"

San winced at you words, the atmosphere shifted instantly, the warmth replaced by an uncomfortable tension. San’s expression fell, and he looked down at their glass, the humor draining from the moment.

“Look, I didn’t mean to hurt you,” San said quietly, their voice barely above a whisper. “It was a mistake—a moment of weakness.”

You felt a mix of frustration and hurt rising within you. “A mistake that changed everything. "

“Everything,” you echoed, your voice tight. “I thought we had something real, San. And then… this.”

San ran a hand through their hair, looking genuinely pained. “I know I messed up. I didn’t think about the consequences at the time. I was selfish.”

“Selfish?” You couldn’t hide the disbelief in your voice. “That’s an understatement. You didn’t just hurt me; you shattered my trust.”

San looked up, eyes filled with regret. “I understand. I wish I could take it back. But I want to be honest now. I want to fix this.”

You took a moment to collect your thoughts, the weight of their words hanging heavy between you. “It’s not just about wanting to fix things. Trust takes time to rebuild. Do you really think we can get back to where we were?”

San nodded, determination in their eyes. “I believe we can. But it has to start with me being completely open. No more hiding.”

You studied their expression, searching for sincerity. “If we’re going to try, I need to know you’re committed to this. No more mistakes.”

“I promise,” San said earnestly. “I want to be better for you—if you’ll give me the chance.”

The tension hung in the air, but beneath it, you sensed a flicker of possibility. The wine cup now empty was placed on the table. San reached out for your hands, taking them into his.

" yn... i can never forgive myself for breaking your trust. What i did - i did it out of spite, which i know i shouldn't have done."

You felt the warmth of San’s hands enveloping yours, grounding you in the moment. “Spite?” you repeated, the word heavy with meaning. “That’s a hard truth to swallow.”

San’s gaze dropped for a moment, the weight of regret evident on their face. “I know. I was angry and confused, and instead of talking to you, I made a terrible choice. I thought it would make me feel better, but it only made things worse.”

You took a deep breath, processing his words. “ do you know how hard it was to pose with you? To act like everything was okay between us? San we basically faked our relationship - hell, no one still knows we're started our divorce process!"

San grip tighten on your hands, " i know - i was so focus on not disappointing our families that i neglected you in the process."

You sighed, laying back into your seat as you looked at San. " i'll talk to my lawyer about dropping the divorce. "

San’s eyes widened, a mixture of surprise and relief washing over his face. You held your hand up, " i'm expecting you to be by the house sunday San. We'll go on a date, publicly."

San nodded his head, "i'm expecting you to also break up with your mistress"

" she's been gone, the day you left with Hongjoong was when i broke it off with her"

You nodded, standing up. San placed a few bills before he stood up at well, holding his hand out for you to grab.

" I'll see you Sunday"

──･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.────

" i think this color would suit the nursey better, don't you think honey?"

San turned to you, a smile placed on his lip as he nodded his head. He walked towards you, placing a hand on your swollen belly that now carries his future daughter.

You felt a warmth spread through you as San's hand rested gently on your belly. “I think you’re right,” he said, his eyes sparkling with excitement. “Soft pastels will make the nursery feel so calm and welcoming.”

You glanced at the swatches spread out on the table, each color reminding you of the little one you were about to welcome. “I just want her to feel safe and loved in her space.”

San nodded, his smile widening. “She will, especially with you as her mom. You have such a beautiful vision for her room.”

You felt a flutter of joy at his words. “And you’ll be a wonderful dad, too. I can already see you reading her bedtime stories.”

“Definitely,” he said, a playful glint in his eyes. He squatted, his face now at your belly. He placed fluttering kisses, the smile on your face evident of pure happiness. You placed a hand on his hair, brushing away a few strain as he muttered loving words to your belly.

“Let’s make it perfect for her,” you said, your heart swelling with love.

“Together,” San replied, leaning in to press a soft kiss on your forehead. “We’re building our family, and I can’t wait to start this new chapter with you.”

In that moment, everything felt right.

[shmichaelmeen]

Nothing could have prepared me for how Season 2 ended. Not even the spoilers.

okay i know that we all make jokes about how episode six is insane, there was even one person who posted about how it's comparable to eating a bag of powdered donuts but the last one is covered in cocaine. and i knew how season 2 ended from ~ the internet ~ and everything and due to some traumatic shit happening in the middle of watching season 2 for the first time, i never finished it. so all i knew was whatever i saw online and i didn't think there was anything much more to it.

but oh BOY was i wrong

watching episode 6 felt like a literal fever dream. I didn't even realize what episode it WAS until my friend (who helped me finish watching the season) pointed it out. and i FREAKED OUT because sooooo much happens in one episode. SO MUCH. i genuinely thought that the whole bit AFTER Jim/Gabriel got his memories back - the Metatron appearing, the kiss, EVERYTHING INSANE - was all another episode.

I have a lot to say about how people talked about the ending versus how it was to watch it and see it for myself for the first time but what i will say is this. i tried to go along with everyone making explanations for what happened and justifying that everything about the end, about the episode, heck even about the SEASON makes any sense but i cannot follow that anymore. to put it simply, there's a LOT there and i don't think at this time we CAN make a nice neat explanation. and that's the whole point. the whole point of the ending, the whole point of Nina and Maggie's ending, is that rarely in life (even i guess in immortal life apparently) is anything simple. when in comes to matters of the heart and Human Emotion, there is never an easy answer. it's messy, and that's perfectly okay. it's allowed to be messy. and that's my approach to trying to analyze season 2. it's okay that it's messy and things may not make sense. it's meant to be that way to represent just how confusing and even frustrating love can be.

everyone loves to bash the miscommunication trope", but why does it work? because it is realistic (a lot of the time, depending on writing of course). it's only realistic that people miscommunicate and that confronting feels for each other makes things confusing and awkward. that's how the ending was written. and i think that's perfectly okay.

as much as i am a Tier 1 Overthinker, this is one time where I'm willing to accept that the situation is unexplainable until we have further information (yay season 3!!!!!!). this also isn't an "anti-theories" post either. i think those posts, as well as all of the "what if the curtains are just blue" people, are trying to hard to be cool and different by not thinking critically about a piece of media when media is designed to be thought about and analyzed. and trust me, i do like entertaining theories, but I'm just staying super open-minded for the time being. if anyone has any niche theories i'd love to hear them because I'm willing to entertain any possible answer until we get the truth :)

(oh and before anyone says anything about how it's my own fault for looking at spoilers, that's not the issues. spoilers aren't the thing I'm talking about. it's people trying to make definitive answers and put together the puzzle perfectly when we don't have all the pieces. not having an answer feels uncomfortable, but that's also the whole point.)

[eightlightstar]

Wander

pairing: Lee Jihoon x AFAB Reader genre: meet-cute, NANA TOUR based, fluff, idol x fan relationship warning(s): reader's feelings are hurt by Woozi's cautionary words (not that deep), descriptions of a kiss(?) word count: 4.1 k (my first fic of this size!) recommended song: _World by Seventeen banner credits: @staranghae

Woozi was not a wanderlust, and it was a well established fact. That's why he was worried sick as him and the guys were waiting for JunHao to get through immigration. How was a homebody to enjoy a vacation with his loved ones when most of the itinerary was outdoorsy?

His impending doom face must've been hard to miss because Dokyeom was scooting closer as he asked him, "Hyung? You look like you've seen a ghost! Is something wrong?" Seeing a worried Dokyeom made him snap out of his negative spiral. "Ah it's nothing much. I was just wondering how I'm going to handle being out & about since I stay indoors all the time. It's fine though, I guess. It's a relief you all are there at least. I hope I'll not be too disoriented…?" Woozi finished in a confused tone.

"Are you telling me or asking me Hyung?" Dokyeom said and laughed. "You never give such a long explanation to something unless it actually bothers you enough; so, I can see that you're wary of what's to come. It may be a vacation for us, but it might be an ordeal to you. That's why me and the guys will do our best to make sure you have a great time with us. Sound good?" He chirps and hugs Woozi tightly. "Thanks, Kyeom. I don't think I can live without you all." Woozi whispers as he hugs him back.

Woozi was surprised to find that he wasn't uncomfortable with anything that was happening! Everything was great and he was thoroughly enjoying himself right from the moment they had stopped at the Colosseum, to the wine festival they were currently at. He doesn't exactly drink; so, before coming here, he had felt that it would be useless for him to go there and ruin the others' mood by his predicament. Joshua must've sensed his discomfort because he was by Woozi's side the next instant. "Hey, Woozi. You look a bit...uncomfortable?" he asked hesitantly. "No, I'm not uncomfortable, hyung. I'm just wondering what would a person like me do at a wine festival" Woozi supplied forlornly.

"Maybe you'll find something a person like you can do here after all", Joshua said while wiggling his eyebrows up and down. "Hah...hyung you're not drunk, are you?" Woozi asked while sighing at the antics of the older member. "No Jihoonie, just trying to cheer you up with a world of possibilities. I suggest you go about on your own. Having 12 others around is not always enjoyable you know", he says with a wry smile. "Yeah, I guess", Woozi shrugs unsurely but does take his hyung's advice.

As Woozi navigates the crowded wine festival alone, he goes from stall to stall trying some wine here and there. He doesn't know exactly when he gets drunk but the moment he realises, he looks for a place to stop and breathe. While looking here and there among a sea of people, he spots a stall that is not at crowded at all except for one young lady. He goes (read: stumbles) there and sighs in relief. He leans down to check out the different wines on the counter of the stall and notices the lady's keychain as he straightens up. It was a CARATBONG keychain and Woozi doesn't even finish thinking that 'CARATs are everywhere' when him and the woman make eye contact. The woman's eyes comically widen before she composes herself quickly. "Hi?" she says unsurely in Korean.

"You're Korean!?" Woozi asks a little too loudly in his tipsy state. "Ah sorry I think I must've drunk too much wine", he immediately apologises sheepishly. "Not just too much, many different wines too, I guess," says the woman and giggles. "Yes, I am Korean. Korean American actually. But yeah", she adds. "This might be stupid to ask but you do know me, right? Also, can I get your name? asks Woozi, surprising himself. "It's L/n Y/n. And I don't know how to reply to the other question, Woozi", she says as she stifles a smile with the back of her hand.

"Ah wonderful. But first and foremost, do not ask why I'm here in Italy. You'll get to know soon. Okay?", Woozi warned the CARAT hurriedly. "Duh. Of course you're filming something. I'm not completely dumb seeing as I've known Seventeen since debut but go off, I guess", she says in mock anger. "Ah I didn't mean that, I'm sorry. Fans tend to ask for photos or signatures and sometimes even pester us. It was precautionary you know just in-" "It's fine Woozi. I know how bad it can get. Wine?" she cuts his rambling as she shows him what she's currently drinking. "Thanks," Woozi mutters and asks the stall owner to pour him some.

"So, since I can't tell you what I'm doing here, tell me about yourself. What're you doing in Italy? Do you live in Korea? And oh, who's your bias in our group?", Woozi yaps away after taking a few sips of the woody wine. "WOW, who are you and what have you done to our Woozi?", Y/n asks in astonishment but humours this New Woozi anyway. "I'm here on a solo vacation as I just got some time off from work. Yes, I live in Korea. Actually, I live in Yongsan, so I often see you guys near the HYBE building, hehe. But coming back to your question, and not because you are the one I'm talking to, my bias has been you since the Melona Green Room days", she finishes in one breath and inhales deeply.

"WOW", is all Woozi manages. "But seriously, how are you talking so much? And that too with a fan you happened to meet by chance?", Y/n enquires curiously. "Well, Joshua was going on about the world of possibilities or something so I'm trying to get out of my comfort zone?", Woozi answers, albeit apprehensively. "That's actually very Josh of him, but also true. As your fan, I'm glad you're exploring new possibilities, she says and beams at him. "Yeah, but the only reason I talked to you was because I saw your CARATBONG keychain", he admits bashfully. "Aww and here I thought you talked to me because you found me pretty or something", she teases and Woozi has never been so out of his depth.

"Uh..." "Oh come on, I'm just teasing. I know you would rather talk to a stranger who's a CARAT than not" she says and giggles. Her giggles do something to Woozi's heart that he can't quite place. "Fans never talk this comfortably with us you know, they are usually very nervous or too excited. You're...astonishingly calm for a person who's talking to her bias". It was now Woozi's turn to tease Y/n. "Uh...". "Oh, come on, I'm just teasing", Woozi says triumphantly. "Wow...that's a low blow, Woozi. But I'm not offended because oh my god I love this new Woozi!?", she says as she gawks at her reformed bias. "Yeah, I hope I won't regret this tomorrow morning", he says in a hopeful tone. "Okay now I'm offended", Y/n says in a small voice.

"Hey, again, I'm sorry but if you've been here since debut, you know how some people take advantage of us interacting with them like-" "-like normal humans yeah, I know", she cuts him off and finishes his sentence yet again and he's pretty sure his heart did a somersault. "But I thought I already proved to you that I was different? I didn't need to and didn't even intend to prove myself different or anything, but it just happened. Anyway, I'm sure it's not easy for you to trust a stranger you just met even if I am a CARAT. I've only been extra nice because I know how fans get. I just thought it'll be a nice break for you, you know..." she says in a hurt voice.

Woozi regrets his words deeply as he looks at the hurt in her eyes. He makes a bold decision to set this misunderstanding straight. "Okay, for the last time, I'm sorry. This is me trusting and making up to the most wonderful fan I've ever met, who just happens to be my fan. Gimme your phone", he says. "Huh?" Y/n asks quizzically but still hands it to him. He flips it to the back to check just in case and sure enough, he finds a photocard of himself nestled behind a clear cover. "Aha! Now I know for sure I'm your bias", he teases while typing a number onto the keypad and saving it as Lee Jihoon. "That's my number. I feel like you're a person I can get to know so call me when you're back in Korea. I'll go back in a few days too. Okay?", he asks with hope in his eyes.

"But do you really want an unknown number calling you? When you already get so many calls from fans?", she asks him dryly. "Ah I hadn't thought of that. Wait, send me a message on Kakao right now", he says with a twinkle in his eyes as if he had just thought of the greatest idea in the world. "And what should I say?", she asks. "Ugh, just open the messenger and give it to me. Quick I need to go back to the group" Woozi says hurriedly as he checks the time. Y/n hands him her phone with his contact open on Kakao messenger. His fingers fly on the keypad of her phone as he sends a message to himself. "There, now I will know it's you" he beams like he had just won an award. Y/n is touched by the fact that he would go to such lengths to placate a fan who was simply treating him like a fellow human being. "Thank you, Woozi. It was wonderful meeting you. See you in Korea" she says as she waves at him. "See you in Korea Y/n" he says and leaves.

-Time Skip- (The story switches to Y/n's POV)

The rest of the vacation went by in a whirlwind for both you and Woozi. Both of you almost completely forgot your encounter with each other until you were trying to type a message to your friend and accidentally open your chat with Woozi.

cheers to youth.mp3

You stare at the message in utter confusion and think to yourself. 'How do I contact him further? Shouldn't he be the one who has to recognise whatever this cryptic message is and reply to me?' You sigh, exit his chat, message your friend like you had originally intended to, and go on about your day. You don't think about Woozi after that.

As for Woozi, he was insanely busy trying to catch up on and finish everything for their latest album Seventeenth Heaven. NANA TOUR had been a much-needed break yet now he had no choice but to work himself to death as comeback was almost upon them. It was after about 3 weeks that Woozi decided to (read: had the time to) reply to the messages he had ignored since he left for NANA TOUR. Surprisingly, there was only 1 message from an unknown number but just as he was about to delete it, he caught sight of the content of the message.

cheers to youth.mp3

Woozi was shell shocked. How had someone texted him the name of the Vocal Unit song file which was from their next album after Seventeenth Heaven!? His mind was reeling, and he was almost about to go nuts when his mind thankfully went to & stopped at the memory of his encounter with you at the Wine Festival in Italy.

"Oh my God that's Y/n!" he said aloud to himself. He immediately called you. You were just walking back home from a convenience store and were actually just opposite the HYBE building when you received a call. You were confused yet thrilled when you saw it was Woozi who was finally calling you! "Hello? Y/n?", Woozi asked nervously. "Yes, this is her, Woozi", you replied as you giggled. "Ah now I know it's you for sure" he said, and you could hear the smile in his voice. "And how do you know that may I ask?" you ask haughtily (comical). "Your giggles. I distinctly remember them. They're music to my ears", Woozi says adoringly before he even realises what he had just said.

"My giggles are music to the God of Music? I am honoured!" you say as you tease him. "Uh...I didn't mean...uh actually it kinda slipped out but..." Woozi hesitates for a while until he finally snaps and actually tells you what he wanted to tell you. "Okay fuck this. Will you go out on a date with me?" "...a date? I..." It was your turn to hesitate now. "Come on y/n, I think I've filled the hesitation quota for today. Not you too", he whines.

"But you're already asking me out on a date when we didn't even talk after our first encounter?", you ask him unsurely. "Uh, yes. I thought this might come up", Woozi says monotonously on the phone. "Obviously!", you say, now slightly annoyed. "Well, what can I say? I saw the CARATBONG and thought it was a lucky coincidence. And then I saw your face and thought I was the one who was lucky. And then as I talked to you, I finally realised that it was fate. I was fated to see you, meet you, and get to know you. So...uh...to me, it was only natural to ask you out as soon as possible", Woozi finishes in one breath.

"WOW...that's...I'm floored Jihoon", you say as your heart does an entire gymnastics routine. "So, it's a yes to the date?", Woozi asks you hopefully. "Yes, and as fate would have it, I'm standing right opposite the HYBE building hehe" you say while making sure to emphasise the word 'fate'. "Really? I'm in the studio. Can you come towards the left of the building? I could see you from the window!" Woozi tells you excitedly. You move to where the Universe Factory window is and sure enough, there was Woozi. Standing at the window looking at you and waving as he says "Hi" through the phone. "So, when is the date you just asked me on?" you ask as you look at him. "Today. I'll text you the details so be ready, okay?" he says and waves at you before hanging up.

Then he quickly opens the shopping app on his phone and starts looking for a dress to give as a present to you. He finds a beautiful ruby coloured dress after scrolling for a while. He thinks about the first time he saw you with a wine glass in your hand and decides it would be the perfect dress. He selects the size and hopes he got it right from whatever he saw of you at the wine festival from almost a month ago. Then, he texts you. "Hey Y/n, can you send me your home address? I'll send someone to pick you up from there and bring you to HYBE's parking lot. Then we can go together from here in a car that has blacked out windows. Sound good?"

You see the text and muse that it was an ingenious plan. Nothing suspicious crosses your mind so you simply send him the address. "See you soon, xoxo", you add. Unbeknownst to you, Jihoon almost faints from giddiness when he sees the 'xoxo'. He quickly types in your address and makes sure to get the fastest delivery option available, which happened to be more expensive than the dress itself, despite the store being in Yongsan! But all he cared about was seeing you wearing his present; so, after wrapping up the gift situation, he quickly got ready in the spare suit that he keeps in Universe Factory for 'just in case' situations.

As soon as he touched up his appearance and was ready to leave, he gets an update from the shopping app that the delivery has been made. As he feels relieved that his present reached you in time, you call him. "Jihoon, did you just send me a dress?", you ask in disbelief. "I mean, that's it what it looks like, doesn't it?", Woozi replies cheekily. "But whyyy, you didn't have to you know. Also, 'ruby'? Really?', you ask you first whine and then deadpan. "Ah, it wasn't because of my song. It was to commemorate our first meeting - at the wine festival", he explains hurriedly. "Fine, how long till your manager gets here? Do I have to get ready quickly?", you ask worriedly. "Oh wait! I'm actually ready right now. I'll come get you myself and we can go directly from your place. You can text me when you're ready okay? Meanwhile, I'll reserve a table for us. Yeah?", he asks sincerely. "Sure Jihoon. Thank you. I was worried about having to meet your manager before meeting you again. So, I'm glad it's you who I'll be seeing directly" you say as you thank him. "Ah no need to thank me, Y/n. Now go get ready. Bye!", Jihoon says, and you end the call with a soft "Bye Jihoon".

The dress was a perfect fit and you were surprised he guessed your size correctly. But this is also why you realise he's genuinely interested in you and smile to yourself in disbelief. It was true you were obsessed with your bias...but to have your bias be obsessed with you was a whole another feeling. You sent Jihoon a quick text saying you were ready. To your shock, his reply read, "Come down then, I'm already waiting in your apartment's parking lot. I'm inside the black Carnival facing towards the exit". You were touched that he came and chose to wait for you without coming up to your place. 'Such a gentleman', you think to yourself and quickly go down to meet your bias (read: soon-to-be-boyfriend).

You get inside the car and both of you simply stare at each other for a whole minute before both of you breathe out in unison, "Beautiful!". Laughter bubbles immediately as you both realise you are deep in this thing with each other. He holds out his hand to you and you take it, and he simply keeps it on his lap while soothingly rubbing circles with his thumb. The car ride is silent apart from the giggles that come from both of you when you catch the other looking at you.

It's a very fancy place (obviously since your date happens to be an idol with 100+ KOMCA credits) and both of you make your way in through the back entrance and inside a private booth. He pulls out your chair and lets you sit before sitting opposite to you. "I'm glad the dress fit you perfectly. I hope you like it?", he asks shyly. "Of course! I love it, Jihoon! You have pretty good taste I must say. Music and clothing alike", you say as you tease him. "Ah stop bringing up the song, Y/n", he says like a hurt puppy. "Okay okay fine", you placate him and giggle.

The rest of the date goes by in you both getting to know each other by yapping away well into the night, occasionally eating a bite of your otherwise untouched food. Suddenly, you feel very hungry so you stop mid-ramble and say, "I'm really hungry Jihoon, shall we continue talking after we eat?", you ask with puppy eyes and who is Jihoon to refuse. "Sure baby", the nickname slips out very naturally and he doesn't even notice it. You blush at that but continue to eat without telling him anything. Once in the car after a nice dinner, you both start to yap yet again. You were so lost in conversation with each other that the driver had to tell you that you had arrived at your apartment's parking lot. "Can I come till your door and say goodnight?", Jihoon asks hopefully. "Sure honey. Let's go!", you say, a little excited. You don't notice the nickname you slipped in, but Jihoon does and smiles shyly to himself.

As you open your door and turn to wish him a goodnight, he moves a bit closer and asks in a whisper, "Can I kiss you goodnight?". Your heart races as you whisper a "Yes" back. The kiss is magical, it's beyond anything you've ever imagined. Jihoon must be feeling the same, going by his grip on your waist. Your lips move effortlessly against his as if you had been kissing each other all your life. You only separate when both of you need to breathe. "That was some goodnight kiss alright" you say in a daze. "Sorry if I was...", Jihoon begins. "Oh, shut up Jihoon. It was perfect. I loved it", you say as you hug him before letting him go. "Next date, my idea. Okay?", you say as you get ready to close the door. "Sure, love", he says before he walks away from your door after waving goodbye to you.

Several dates go by with the both of you taking turns to make the date as amazing as possible for the other. The one you were currently on was some 13th date or something, but it was a very simple one suggested by you because Jihoon had once again been working himself to the bone and you had wanted to do something about it. "Date idea, listen. I come to Universe Factory with some food, we eat, and then...we take a nap on that unnecessarily huge couch. Okay?", you tell Jihoon sternly in the morning, after seeing him stare at Cubase on his computer all night the previous day. "Okay baby, whatever you say", he says as he gets up to go to work. "See you at lunch, love. Bye", he says and hugs you before leaving.

You make an elaborate spread of Jihoon's favourite dishes, box them up and make your way to HYBE. It had been 2 months since the day you had met Jihoon in Italy, and you had been dating him for 1 month now. It was only natural that all the members got to know you and became close to you instantly, much like the way Jihoon had. They took you under their wing and you had felt like you had won in life - dating your bias and being friends with the other members? Yeah, that's the dream and you were living it. With these thoughts, you reach the building. You go in the general elevator from the parking lot and reach the floor Universe Factory is on.

When you get there, you notice several pairs of shoes outside and knock hesitantly. "Come in, Y/n", a group of people chorus. You realise it's the members and breathe in relief as you enter the code and unlock the door. "Hii Y/n!" says Hoshi cheerfully while Seungcheol waves at you and Vernon nods in your direction. "What're y'all doing?", you ask curiously. "Getting some songwriting done for the next album", Vernon says and tiredly. "You all look tired though. How can you express yourselves properly with tiredness clouding your thoughts?", you ask worriedly. "You have no idea," says Seungcheol, a little miserably. "I got food! Do y'all wanna eat with us?", you offer. "No Y/n, you're very kind. We know you and Jihoon have a date now haha. We'll make our way out and leave you to it", Hoshi says and winks.

"Yeah, yeah whatever. I'll see you guys at practice?" says Woozi as he goes to the door to lock it after they leave. "Sure Woozi. Rest well with Y/n and come to practice with a fresher mind, yeah?" the boys fuss over him a little bit before finally leaving. Meanwhile, you open the packaged food and set the small dining table for the both of you. "WOW! These are all my favourite dishes, baby! Thank you!", Jihoon says with delight in his eyes. "Hehe I'm glad you love it, honey. Dig in", you say as you start eating too.

After a hearty meal, both of you got comfortable on the 'suspiciously wide couch' of the studio. As Woozi hummed long and got ready for his forced/much needed nap, you took a trip down memory lane. It was mere months ago that you had met Woozi by chance at a wine festival in Italy. And you both had hit it off instantly. It was probably the wine, but you had loved 'Yapper Woozi'. Being a CARAT, his personality at the time had been a pleasant whiplash to you. "I can hear you think babe. Please sleep if you don't want to make me regret wandering around Italy & finding you. You giggle as you cuddle him close. "It's probably a good thing that you did wander".

tags: @forever-atiny, @minhui896, @staranghae, @welcometomyoasis

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[aihoshiino]

chapter 161 thoughts

Chapters Since The 143 Kiss Happened And Went Entirely Unacknowledged And Unaddressed Count: 18

Aqua Hoshigan Status: For the future

Never has an OnK chapter gone from It's Hoshinover to We Are Oshi no Back quite as hard and fast as this one. I have issues with this chapter in terms of what it implies about the story's overall structure and the fact that it sort of ruins 153-4 by association but this chapter's back half is so fucking good and the chapter itself works so well in isolation that much like 153-4, I kind of uhhh don't care about the structural issues because the story's heart is, for the most part, not just intact but beating harder and more passionately than it has in a long time.

To get what I don't like out of the way, the story seems to have settled on Super Evil Serial Killer Mastermind Kamiki as his final form characterization with some helpful Tsukuyomi exposition to just straightforwardly Tell Us things the manga probably should have spent some of the last 70something chapters Showing Us about Hikaru. The basic idea of Hikaru being some sort of serial killer so dedicated to upholding Ai's legacy that he kills women with the potential to surpass her was more or less always where I expected his character to land and this settling of his character does at least preserve what I think is the most important thing: that he genuinely loved Ai and his bent towards villainy only came after her death.

What I don't love as much is that this chapter seems to continue leaning into Uber God Manipulator Mastermind Kamiki like last chapter. I already talked at length about my issues with this framing in my previous chapter review so all I'll reiterate here is that the story's attempt to frame Hikaru as being equally or even more culpable for the actions of Nino and Ryosuke fall entirely flat to me, especially when the manga itself does such a pisspoor job of actually explaining how or why Kamiki was able to control and/or predict their actions to the extent that he supposedly did. And ESPECIALLY especially given that Nino and Ryosuke seem to have already been dangerously obsessed with Ai by the time they approached him.

In general, Hikaru's character is honestly just so inconsistent at this point that making any sense of his actions feels fruitless. If I really dig into what's going on, I can infer that maybe he fell into the same trap as Aqua by overcompensating for his trauma-induced helplessness by becoming overly controlling and guess that his fucked up trauma response to Ai's death combined with those terrible words Kindaichi gave him at Airi's funeral lead him down he road he's traveling now. I can even extrapolate that Aqua showing him the DVD message in 153-4 pushed Hikaru to this extreme and now that he has nothing to lose, he's lashing out at his children too - though, it should be noted, that the manga still hasn't actually established what Hikaru's culpability is in Nino's attempt on Ruby's life, outside of Aqua saying "well you didn't use your psychic powers to perfectly predict nino's actions so it's on you".

But like - this is all stuff I'm having to infer and extrapolate and guess, reverse engineering logic from our end point in an attempt to create a stable foundation for this characterization. The manga has done such a poor job of properly establishing Hikaru both as an antagonistic force and as a consistent character that I feel like I'm trying to assemble a coherent image from two different puzzle sets with all the fucking corner pieces missing and that's with Crow Girl looking into the camera and Explaining Him to me.

And listen, I am a bitch who LOVES to infer things. One of my absolute favourite pieces of fiction of all time ever is Umineko no Naku Koro Ni, a mystery story that literally does not contain any straightforwardly explicit, textual confirmation of the culprit's identity or motives because it believes so strongly that you, the reader, are smart enough and empathetic enough to put in the time and effort necessary to understand it regardless and it deeply, deeply values being able to give you that experience. But OnK feels less like it's intentionally encouraging me to think hard and enjoy the process of putting my head and my heart to work - it feels like it's leaving its homework unfinished and letting the reader do the actual hard work of sewing up the internal logic.

I probably won't talk much more about Kamiki this chapter cos I'd just be saying all this shit over and over but I really just am struggling to understand from a perspective of authorial intent what the vibe is even supposed to be. Like I mentioned in a previous ask, if this is where Kamiki's arc is reaching its conclusion then it means that the Movie Arc was essentially a whole-ass waste of time in and out of universe. Blech. Hate that.

Also, before I move on, I don't want to leave this just implied - making Kamiki explicitly a CSA victim and then ending his arc on Aqua (and implicitly the narrative) dismissing him as being too broken/corrupted to be saved is a really major misstep that I think represents a huge black mark on OnK's handling of CSA as a topic. The idea of an eternal defilement or an unfixable core wrongness in the self is already something real life CSA victims struggle with in the process of unpacking their trauma and having our likable and supposedly morally superior protagonist espouse this unchallenged in a work as prominent and relevant as Oshi no Ko is irresponsible bordering on dangerous. It's incredibly disappointing that after all the care Aka and Mengo seemingly took in handling this topic that it was whiffed so badly at the last second.

ANYWAY!!! Now all the beef's been dealt with, we can cleanse our palettes and move onto everything else I liked which was… basically everything else in this chapter!

Admittedly, Aqua's overall arc is still suffering from us being kicked out of his head from like 123 onwards for no real apparent reason and while 150 was a welcome refresher on where he's at in this part of the story, it still feels a bit like the story is prioritizing preserving the surprise factor of its twists over making these surprises feel earned. Compare it to volume 1 - you are basically told exactly what is going to happen to Ai, especially in the manga when Saitou and Gotanda outright say as much - but her death is still incredibly impactful and upsetting. I think this chapter is very effective, but could've been a lot moreso if we'd spent more time in Aqua's head leading up to it.

THAT SAID… If the intention of keeping us out of his head was to recontextualize Aqua's behaviour across the past ten or so chapters in this new light, I don't hate it as much as I might have. I initially took issue with what felt like the story off-screening and not addressing the resolution to Aqua's suicidal ideation so whipping back around to prove that it was still very much present puts some particular Aqua moments over this past volume into a very different light. As some people pointed out, Aqua missing Kana's pitch - literally dropping the ball in responding to her feelings - and his wide-eyed look of alarm in 151 seemed very ominous omens for the success of her confession and that beat of him covering his face when Kana approves of his dream… very incheresting knowing Aqua was still struggling with 'love or revenge' at this point.

Most interesting of all to reconsider is Aqua breaking down in tears in Miyako's arms in 155 when she addresses him as her son for the first time. At the time it read like catharsis but now I can't help but wonder if this was Aqua grieving for something he desperately wants but thinks is out of his reach.

i do have to say though. i get the general vibe of this plan and think it works fine as the apex of aqua's self-sacrificial protectiveness for the people he loves but how is being the daughter of a serial killer somehow any less scandalous for her career than being the sister of someone who killed one dude. does aqua think they just won't notice that kamiki happens to be their biodad or something. wasn't that the whole point of the movie. goofy ass plan.

What really saves this whole scenario is the emotions at play, though. This really does feel like Aqua at his most Aqua in a really long while and this chapter has so much love and respect for his life as Aqua and the bonds he has formed as a result. The dreams Aqua lays out are so agonizingly simple, too - he wants to pursue the career he finds rewarding. He wants to date the girl he likes. He wants to accept Miyako as his mom and Himekawa as his brother and to make things right with Akane after hurting and using her. He wants to see Ruby achieve her dream and be there to support her when she does.

But Aqua's always considered his dreams impossible, hasn't he?

I fully admit; I got spoiled with the full page spread of Aqua stabbing himself way in advance of the chapter and initially hated it as a twist. But with the full chapter as context and the sheer weight of Aqua's longing to just fucking live and find joy, it's not just effective but absolutely gutwrenching. It is the synthesis of Aqua's series-long battle to choose love or revenge and it resonates perfectly because it has never been one or the other for him - Aqua's revenge has always been rooted in the fact that he loves others so wholly and completely and hates himself so utterly that he thinks sacrificing himself to preserve their futures is the only path for him to take. It's the culmination and final release of the suicidal ideation Aqua has been dealing with since he was four years old and like Ai's tragedy before him, there's a horrible sense that maybe there really was no other way this could've gone.

Aqua being the character who actually takes the knife also firmly cements him as Ai's narrative echo in the text which has me barkin and howlin because it's what I've been saying all this time. Not just that, but so many of Aqua's expressions in this chapter pointedly and deliberately echo Ai's after she was stabbed. Not just that, but Aqua's achingly simple dreams echo Ai's own heartrendingly simple regrets - all the two of them ever wanted was to be happy with the people they love.

This also reframes the story's prior establishment of Ruby as paralleling Ai and seems to place the twins in the position of echoing not Ai in her entirety but Ruby as 'Ai of B-Komachi' and Aqua as 'Ai Hoshino'. This was actually something I outlined in one of my very first meta posts on the series, but I think making it more specific to 'Ruby as Ai the idol' and 'Aqua as Ai the human', this actually gives Ruby's arc in relation to Ai a bit of breathing room. Don't get me wrong, everything I've said about her post-BH writing being underbaked and inconsistent is still the case, especially when it comes to how confused the story is on whether Ruby is her own idol or New And Improved Ai 2.0 but giving it less ground to cover helps in terms of her writing no longer being spread quite as thin.

Speaking of Ruby, that beat of her seeming to react or sense something is up the moment Aqua takes the stab. 'Something happened to my loved one far away and I just Feel It' is a trope I'm always a sucker for and I really dig it here.

"The public don't care about the truth, so let's tell them a lie" is such a crazy hard sentiment to go out on too. Holy fuck.

There go our boys…!!! Quite a few people predicted they might go over the edge when Aqua showed up in his Mephisto fit (Mefitsto) and I'm interested to see if we get any parallels to the ED's imagery in the next few chapters. Overall, though, I'm really excited for where things are going - I don't think Aqua will die, but I do have some theories about what might happen. I can't think of a more traditional misogi purification experience than the middle of the ocean in late December, after all…

No break next week! Woohoo! While the delay of episode 12 means we won't be getting them on the same day, that is the same week S2 of the anime will be concluding and Aka does like lining up his bombshells with the anime. So who knows what we'll see.

seriously tho aqua. everyone already knows kamiki is you and ruby's biodad. HOW IS THIS ANY BETTER THAN HER BEING THE DAUGHTER OF A SERIAL KILLER AS IT ALREADY STANDS

[moe-broey]

Quick and rough Plumeria redesign, mostly just cause...... I gotta do what comes naturally to me, man. Give me some Shapes. Simplify that design or so help me.

I don't have a lot of complex thoughts about it, actually! Just the idea of having a "sexy" outfit that draws the eyes to certain parts of the body -- while simultaneously being modest and Sharp. Having an edge to it. Also!!!! The luna moth inspired wings!!! I wanted to stay within her og color palette, but I've also always thought luna moth wings would suit her... the top wing is vaguely heart shaped, too!

[lesbiancarat]

want to give my two cents on the AI usage in the maestro trailer--

i think seventeen doing a whole concept that is anti-AI is very cool, especially as creatives themselves i think it's good that they're speaking up against it and i hope it gets more ppl talking about the issue. i also understand on a surface level the artistic choice (whether it was made by the members, the mv director, or whoever else), to directly use AI in contrast to real, human-made visuals and music in order to criticize it. i also appreciate that they clearly stated the intention of the use of AI at the beginning of the video

however, although i understand it to an extent, i do not agree with the choice to use AI to critique AI. one of the main ethical concerns with generative AI is that it is trained on other artists' work without their knowledge, consent, or compensation. and even when AI generated images are being used to critique AI, it still does not negate this particular ethical concern

the use of AI to critique also does not negate the fact that this is work that could have been done by an actual artist. i have seen some people argue that it's okay in this context because it's a critique specifically about AI, and it is content that never would have been done by a real artist anyway because it doesn't make sense for the story they're trying to tell. but i disagree. i think you can still tell the exact same story without using AI

and in fact, i would argue that it would make the anti-AI message stronger if they HAD paid an artist to draw/animate the scenes that are supposed to represent AI generated images. wouldn't it just be proof that humans can create images that are just as bad and nonsensical and soulless as AI, but that AI can't replicate the creativity and beauty and basic fucking anatomy that's in human-made art?

it feels very obvious this was not just a way to cut corners and costs like a lot of scummy people are using AI for. ultimately it was a very intentional creative decision, i just personally think it was a very poor one. and even if some ethical considerations were taken into account before this decision, i certainly don't think all of them were. at the very least i feel like the decision undermines the message they want to convey

i would also like to recognize that i myself am not an artist, and i have seen some artists that are totally on board with the use of AI in this specific context, so clearly this is not a topic that is cut and dry. but generative AI is still new, and i think it's important to keep having these conversations

[pekoeboo]

man. I've been reworking a lot of content involving Act II of Home Is Where You Are and like. ugh. it'd work so freaking well in novel form but I just Do Not have the dedication or the drive to start from scratch and rewrite everything that happens.

idk how else to share the updated version of that part of the story with y'all tho, considering that Khalan's journal is insanely outdated now and isn't entirely canon anymore, so I'll probably just have to accept that I likely won't ever be able to update the story for y'all in the way I wish I could. >n<;;

[knxfesck]

I'm going to make a confession I never got the whole "we shouldn't argue in front of my family" "its rude to argue when other people are visiting" blanket rule*. Maybe I just grew up in a household where everyone yelled at eachother all the time but I feel its a little strange to suddenly act like conflict is illegal like we're medieval courtiers

*saying blanket rule because there are many situations where it makes sense to do this

[blujayonthewing]

SUPREMELY frustrating that we found something actually really cool and intriguing and plot relevant in tonight's session but I'm still so constantly preoccupied with whether the DM is going to 100% kill us with sheer poor game design that I barely have enough brainspace left over to even enjoy it

[svtskneecaps]

feel like the global tasks sweep strat should probably be nerfed somehow. my thought would be, give each team an individual ten minute overall cooldown on global task claims. that is to say, a certain team can only claim one global task per ten minutes. say, deliver gas masks, and then in ten minutes you're allowed to deliver tea, and then after another ten minutes you can claim hot chocolate.

another teams would be able to claim a global task for bananas during this time, and their own ten minute cooldown would start.

(the global tasks can either keep their individual ten minute cooldown [i.e. after tea is claimed no one else can claim tea for ten minutes] or a slightly shorter cooldown, say 5-7 minutes)

when a global task is claimed, everyone is notified, right? if not, in my hypothetical, they will be.

then, a team trying to sweep six tasks at once would actually take sixty minutes to do, allowing another team to swoop in and have a chance to stop it in cinematic, entertaining fashion rather than tubbo having to grind resources and then log out in front of the merchant to counter this, which is boring for everyone (including the person delivering). plus, if a team cuts it down to the last second and ends up getting delayed, they physically wouldn't have time to make a delivery, meaning even being a BIT of a nuisance could be a viable strategy, even if you can't manage to kill; if you can STALL you could still wreck their plans.

that's my dream anyway idk i'm not a game designer. just think it would be interesting for most players

(i elaborate under)

red team would have to shake up their strategies, which is fun since they're a team that kinda has to rely more on strategy than outright brawn (overall the team's pvp can't be relied on unless they have carre or phil, as seen today when pierre, bad, and etoiles attacked phil cellbit foolish and baghera, and cellbit and foolish both died to etoiles in the attack, despite it being a 4 on 1 at the time. baghera was killed by bad soon after. phil was the one to get the kills. the first day, when blue attacked [niki, tubbo, and bad as i recall] carre got both kills)

the other teams would then still have a way to stop a global sweep since a sweep would have to start earlier, allowing not only more time to arrive at global to pvp about it, but ALSO allowing another team to swoop in and steal the goal out from under the team again

i'm gonna use it in a scenario bc i'm badboyhalo and i can't stop myself from making examples:

so, tonight, if the proposed cooldown was in place, bad and tubbo would both still had roughly 17 minutes when red team would have HAD to start the sweep process if they wanted all six global tasks: 1 hour until the server closed at absolute MINIMUM. more for safety's sake.

therefore, in this scenario, there's a lot to happen

blue team could wait at globals, knowing red will probably try this strategy, and attempt or perhaps SUCCEED in killing red. if they kill red entirely, the operation is a wash; red doesn't have to gear to come back from scratch and take out blue team, and even if they could, the travel time to return to globals alone would mean they wouldn't get all the global tasks, potentially meaning they don't take the lead. if blue team is unable to kill red and dies themselves or has to retreat, but succeeds in delaying red, red would face the same problem.

if red sends in all of the task items on one person, and that person dies, even if the rest survived, blue could loot the items from that person and would be able to either use the items themselves, if green is currently the owner, or could run away with the items, effectively wasting red's time and again, meaning they wouldn't get all tasks claimed even if they were able to overtake the runner and reclaim their items.

i'm unclear what would happen if red divided the task items between them since it seems like the person claiming the task doesn't have to have all (or any? again, unclear) the items in THEIR inventory in order to claim so long as a teammate is nearby with the items in their inv (evidence: pac's vod "voltei... o que tá acontecendo no QSMP?!" at roughly 3:00:00; tubbo claims tea and tea is taken out of pac's inventory. i don't know the limits of this strategy)

blue team also has time to swoop in and steal a global task out from under red during this time. say, if red team had claimed the task for 10 tea leaves, upping the price to 15 tea leaves, and then blue team snuck in and claimed the task and set the price up to 20 tea leaves, (since the proposed 10 minute cooldown on claims would be TEAM LIMITED; red's cooldown applying to red only and so on). if red waited until the last second, they wouldn't have the time to reclaim this task even if they did have the resources, possibly forcing them to start their sweep earlier to counter this possibility, at which point team members who had logged on earlier and are out of time by the end of the night, OR members who live in time zones that don't allow them to stay up until server close, may have an easier shot at participating in defending against a global sweep.

all of this DIRECT CONFLICT would make for good audience entertainment and heighten the stakes of an attempted global sweep, since it would practically have to be one team defending globals for an hour while they pipe all their resources into it, knowing that if they die another team could easily swipe their task resources and use it themselves (along with the rest of their gear). it makes it more interesting, while still mostly viable.

plus it would force more strategizing for red team which is maybe just a personal plus, i just really like seeing people planning both in advance and in spur of the moment. it's really satisfying to see how a plan comes together and succeeds or fails; plus, since red team is the main team using this strategy at the moment and their main draw and strength as a team is cohesion and communication this would be completely fucking riveting for me as a viewer so maybe this is just a personal thing. but i really really think it would be fun

but again, i'm not a game designer, or a qsmp player, or a qsmp admin, or honestly even really a gamer? so maybe i'm off my rocker and out of my gourd and this isn't viable or balanced in any way shape or form but YKNOW what is this blog except putting stupid thoughts into the void and seeing if this time the void spits back hate mail so. i'm folding this into a paper airplane and throwing it into the abyss. hopefully it made sense.

k love you appreciate you getting this far, have a good week!!

(i hope your team gets a win in dramatic fashion and celebrates together!!! i hope they come together and unleash a plan so spectacular it takes the server by storm!!! i hope it's so good it becomes a vod you go back to even years in the future!!!! i hope you have a good week!!!!!)

[mothbart]

i am so close but not close at all on finishing this lil project but we ball

[lover-of-mine]

Okay, so I've been feeling deranged about couches since Buck fell asleep on Eddie's couch but it got me thinking about how, speaking literally here, Buck also didn't pick Eddie's couch. Sure, Eddie's house is clearly a place where Buck is comfortable but it's not like Buck was helping Eddie pick furniture (that we know of). But that also got me thinking about the fact that the 3 girlfriends Buck had came with literal couches. Buck says 2 because Ali helped him pick the loft and Taylor got rid of the couch Ali picked BUT Buck lived in Abby's apartment, so Abby also came with a couch. So 3 relationships, 3 couches, but Buck only says 2. That got me thinking that even though Buck didn't pick Abby's couch, he doesn't feel like he was forced into Abby's couch, like he feels about Ali and Taylor. And I know it's not really about literal couches as much as I'm reading into it, I think it's more about the stability Buck feels, or doesn't feel, attached to it. I think most of all Buck felt seen by Abby in ways he didn't with Ali or Taylor. And maybe I'm thinking too hard about pieces of furniture and talks in kitchens, but the thing with 6x12 and buddie is about Eddie understanding Buck in a way other people in his life don't. And obviously Eddie is a way more steady presence in Buck's life than Abby ever was, but a key difference between Abby to Ali and Taylor is how much they talked. And maybe there isn't a reason why Buck didn't consider Abby's couch, maybe Buck just didn't think of it, but i kinda wanna stretch the couch metaphor longer than it was intended, because in the end, if I do, it shows Buck doesn't mind having couches picked out for him, as long as he feels seen enough so it won't matter whose choice it was.