#i guess my purpose in life has become to take gay scenes from this show and make them gayer

[sigmalaussene]

I hate them so much

art • commissions

[wolfspero]

Hey, I don't want to bother you, so I'll write to you here (and you don't have to reply, of course) I just thought I should say thank you for interacting with my old post, it made my evening- <3

Every time it’s nice to see that there are a few who are interested in this game in one way or another.

Hello! Oh no, I'm not bothered at all - quite the opposite, actually. This is such a sweet message. You don't owe me any thank you, but that's nice from you.

I was glad to see your post too. I was only looking for Heavy Rains' fan arts and gifs (well, especially those about Norman Jayden, but I think that I was open to a lot of things), but I didn't expect to learn anything about the next (unfortunately abandoned) game.

The potential was insane. The fact that it was centered on Norman already got me, but Jack Reilly's existence and their life together? Like omg? First, that means that Norman is canonically gay / bi, which is both awesome and unexpected.

I really had a great time with this video game. It probably was my first narrative game (and more specifically, a game with choices, but I don't know how to say it in English) and I loved the experience. I played it a few times and also watched some let's play (I just finished one today, because a very well known French streamer just discovered Heavy Rain and I wanted to live this experience again). It's always cool. A lot of feelings, several linked points of vue, endearing characters... bref, it works, and it's hard to just move on after the end.

However, it's really hard to ignore how the whole game shows a typical straight male gaze. Like all the time, and it's not even subtle. Women are objectified for no purpose - just because they can do it, I guess? This is not just about David Cage's shower obsession (like really, how many shower scenes? is it a kink or something? for real, it happens too often to be ignored ahah), but how he portrays his female characters. It's quite painful to watch. How many sexual aggressions? We even have a particularly scary agression in a dream? Was any of it really necessary? Did they exist in any other way?

Oh, yes, we had Madison Paige. I liked her, but she was not an exception at all. She also was over sexualized - not surprising, at this point - but that's not all. Yes, she is smart and brave. But that doesn't erase the fact that she only exists to be here for Ethan Mars. She was the nice nurse that helped him every time he was hurt, because that's how women are supposed to be.

Gender roles are very stereotyped and it even starts in the firsts minutes of the game, when Grace is depicted like if she was so boring. She took care of the children all day, managed all the organization herself and is basically exhausted.

And when she comes home, what? Ethan didn't do anything. He has to wait for his wife to tell him what to do, to remember that yes, it's his kid's birthday and he should be more invested. So a very hard task, to get the table ready... except he doesn't even know where the plates are, how to open the placard (I don't remember the English word, sorry) and can't even take care of the material. But he did it, so I guess we should applaud?

And after that, Grace continues to set up everything, without any consideration, while he goes out to play with the kid. It brings him the good role. I guess that Grace would love to spend fun time with her children too, but she can't since she is the only one to be invested in his son's birthday organization.

So when I read that Norman Jayden had a boyfriend, I was just confused. Wtf David? Were you drunk or something? How could you even not think straight? I know that sometimes a strong enough misogyny can involuntarily become gay, but still. This is so far from what we saw in Heavy Rain. I was not expecting it to be somehow canon. But it is, and I take it. It's just so sad that we'll (probably) never see it as a game.

The fandom seems to do the job for all of us. It doesn't appear as dead as you say, really. I saw some AO3 fanfictions... but didn't read any of it yet. It's not that easy to start an English story when you're so far from being fluent. I already struggle to read in French due to my attention issues (or at least it is the main reason), so starting a story in English is something else - and way harder. I already did it, but not many times and my level stays way too low for me to don't see any difference. Anyway, I hope to be able to start some of them. I saw a lot of potential in a few Norman/Ethan stories and I don't want to miss it.

Well, now, I also hope that Norman/Jack fanfictions exist. I guess not, according to your post? If so, what a waste. We don't know much about them (or at least I do not), but already enough to write a very entertaining story. Jack Reilly obviously was a very skilled scientist. He worked on advanced technologies and Normand used them on the field. This is both revolutionary and fascinating.

Also, we have the whole addiction to triptocaine part. They unfortunately had that in common - Jack even died for it. That brings a deep meaning to all the times we saw Norman fight against his addiction. The fact that he couldn't stop and was sure to die because of it. It's even more significant to know that his love died from it. It's awful and dramatic. But for the same reason, I think that it has - again - a huge potential. A story about their common addiction and how they deal with it would be amazing.

It deserves to exist, really. Oh, and of course, Jack also deserves to survive. I want to see Norman and him happy together. Our poor FBI guy wasn't very lucky until now, so it has to change. I'm not sure that I couldn't support anything else ahah.

Well... This answer starts to be long (or at least, way more than what I expected), so I should stop here. Just thank you for your kind words and your implication in the fandom. It's really pleasant to see. And the fandom doesn't need anything else to be alive.

[idkimnotreal]

okay so this argentine movie. “Mi mejor amigo”. it was on netflix some years ago and i just watched it like any other gay movie and didn’t mind it that much back then.

but now it... it really hits home. it’s about a gay teenage boy (looks younger for his age apparently) who falls in love with his childhood friend when he becomes a permanent guest at his parents’ house due to a crisis in his family.

the protagonist gay boy (lolo) is extremely empathetic and even before cayto (the other boy) shows up, he’s already taking his side. then when cayto does show up it’s almost love at first sight - but lolo is very good at hiding it, even though he’s not sure of his sexuality, he’s very smart and figures it out quickly. cayto notices that his friend is in love with him, but not because lolo shows it in any particular way, but because lolo clearly cares very, very, very much about him.

it’s a story about pure love. cayto re-befriends this shy, nerdy boy who has nothing in common with him because he’s maybe the first person to show such intense and genuine care for him in his life. he doesn’t mind that he’s gay and is in love with him, because he appreciates that he cares. it’s a story about love that at the same time transcends love, because they love each other in different ways, yet each one of them cares about the other truly.

lolo is often angry at cayto for hurting his feelings, but not because cayto rejects him, but because cayto does something dangerous on purpose (he doesn’t care about his life so to speak, he’s a hard person to love) or breaks his trust when e.g. he tries to steal money from his parents at the end. lolo never stops loving cayto, he’s just angry, and even while angry he shows care (gives cayto money when he wants to leave, even after being caught stealing).

i mean. this movie is a lesson. while i was rewatching it i had no idea why it wasn’t more popular. every other gay boy will fall for a straight friend in his life time, and that’s without mentioning those of us with aromantic tendencies who will probably go through that more than once (falling for people who can’t love us back).

it’s just the way cayto appreciates being loved, you know. the final scene is him going out the door without saying goodbye, only to change his mind and give lolo some closure (and we’re shown lolo being clearly upset before cayto comes back). and the hug. the final hug. when you’re in love, it’s not about the sex, not about their body, it’s more about warmth, breathing, feeling close. i think the hug is symbolic of that because it’s what lolo wanted the most from cayto. just a hug (because loving is giving freedom, so cayto was always free to go for lolo). and cayto gives him that.

and also lolo’s actor is superbly talented, i think. his faces, his poses, his voice. the way he’s like holding court in the final scene with cayto before getting up and hugging him. the way he asks for a “favour” from cayto when he’s about to step into possibly dangerous sea waters (the favour = “please value your life because i value it and can’t see you treat yourself like this”. cayto almost ignores him but then maybe realises that their friendship is all about this one thing, which is lolo caring for him, and if he won’t let him care, then lolo has no reason to stay. so he chases lolo). the pillow hugging scene. begging his mom not to talk about love. like, this movie is a gem, and lolo is part of it.

a great movie for the moment i’m living. cayto’s attitudes towards lolo give me some insight as to how the own person i currently love might be feeling. i might even watch it again it i find correctly synced subs this time (or somewhere to download it and sync my own subs. their spanish is very close to chilean because i guess it’s a dialect and as a portuguese speaker i understand like 30% only).

[sigurdjarlson]

what we get about marianne, I guess, is that she runs up debt (possible hoarder?) partied with the roys once upon a time, or at least connor, (possible addict, like kendall and roman?) she's *seems* estranged from logan and ewan. she's divorced and again, like, doesn't *seem* to have any relationship with greg's dad, and greg never mentions him, and they haven't had any scenes interacting, so that makes me think she raised him alone, or that he flat out died. they haven't talked since season 1, and that could be an accident or done on purpose to show that she's cut him off like ewan did, and I think there's a scene where greg mentions that he had to cancel her cards. which gave me the impression that he was used to...idk how to put this, taking care of things for her. it made me wonder when that started because she's too young for her adult son to be handling her finances. that's senior citizen stuff, if it has to happen at all. all that and nic's comments about her make me go, "huh." like I don't know if I'm reading too much into it all, or if I'm just reading

Essay and speculation. incoming

Dude [gender neutral] I feel you I’m constantly latching into every little scrap of info I can get about Greg’s life prior to the show and his relationship with his mom, grandpa and absentee dad. I never know if I’m reading too much into these scraps or they’re there on purpose?

The hints (if they are) we do have point to a pretty sad story honestly.

I do remember Nic saying Greg comes from a “broken family” and saying “his dad isn’t around, his grandpa is distant and his mom feels far away” and that fuels his attachment to the Roys because he wants to be a part of something. He wants a family.

Either Jesse or Nic also said Greg was raised by his mom so I always assumed his dad bailed? Maybe after his affairs were found out? But of course that doesn’t mean he had to cut contact with Greg so there’s something even sadder than just a divorce there. Like either Marianne made sure he didn’t see his father or his father chose not to see him and both options are..heartbreaking :(

And the only mention of his dad in the show we get is Caroline saying he was a gay slut but Greg’s reaction always catches my eye

Someone said maybe it’s the first time he’s heard his dad is gay but I am almost positive that’s not the case. That’s not surprise on his face it’s resignation and discomfort. It’s a why did you have to bring that up face?

Which presuming his dad bailed than of course it hurts to have that thrown in his face as a funny joke (because it isn’t funny to Greg I’m sure, it ruined his family)

And we don’t know when his dad bailed. If his dad ever tried/tries to contact him? (Presumably he doesn’t from the interview where Nbraun says he’s not around)

we don’t know if it was a messy divorce (I feel it in my bones that it was) and we don’t know how it affected his mother (particularly if she already was rather unstable) and Greg himself as a child and even now as an adult.

I can’t imagine having that hanging over your head when you’re working for some homophobic conservative company with your homophobia enthusiast uncle. (This becomes downright sad if Greg is gay too)

The sad thing seems like it’s something people know about. Caroline mentions it casually at the CCD in front of Shiv (who wasn’t really listening but still).

I’m actually surprised (but Not because I’m not sure they’ve thought about it) none of the Roy kids rag on him for it. (Or have in the past) Shiv and Connor probably wouldn’t. Roman definitely would and honestly I could see Ken doing it too. Maybe in a less homophobic manner because he sometimes tries to posture but Ken can be a dick too

The only reason I can think of is that they don’t think about it or notice Greg’s presence so that’s not even on their radar.

The Roys fling insults and verbal attacks around like it’s nothing. It’s practically family fucking bonding for them lmao. Sometimes it’s as jokes and sometimes as genuine attempts to hurt so I would not be surprised if they turned haha your dead is gay and took off on you into a joke (I mostly can see Roman doing it honestly)

I could however absolutely see Logan throwing it at Greg if he got really fucking pissed at him (manifesting this for s4 because I’m horrible and like angst) “What are you a fucking faggot like your father, Greg? Is that it? Are you queer?”

And I could see that severely upsetting Greg. It’s cruel, it’s embarrassing if said in front of other people, and it hurts. (Especially if it’s true)

Whether he’d bite back I don’t know. We’ve seen him yell back at Logan twice but also he’s really skittish with him otherwise so I guess it depends on context.

(I went through a ton of interviews with Nbraun one night hoping for Greg scraps I do not have the links tho. You can find em if you Google Nicholas Braun succession interviews lmao)

He mentions he thinks Marianne sheltered Greg to some degree and never pushed him to get out there before the show (I get the impression this is like her last resort because Greg keeps fucking up)

And with Nic’s “this is a guy who’s never felt compelled to do anything in his life until now.” And then goes on to talk about how Greg has this strong streak of ambition because it’s his chance to be someone for once in his life and be like the side of the family he always wanted to be a part of. (And he did say that last part. Greg has always been envious of them to some degree)

(He did say he thinks Greg might have sold weed in school which showed a little entrepreneurial spirit he supposes)

Ewan seems absolutely incapable of forming any sort of emotional connection with his grandson. We’ve never see him interact with Marianne so we can’t say what the relationship is like there.

Nic stresses that Greg wants a relationship and connection with his grandfather but there just isn’t one. Ewan is incapable of giving Greg that.

You’re right it is weird Greg is handling her finances. I’m not sure if it’s just that one card or he’s dealing with her debt in general. When Caroline asks how his mom is he replies “debt free” and that’s before Ewan cuts her off and she panic buys nutribullets. (Lmao)

So it seems to be a reoccurring problem for her? Like one that might even be known to the family at large if he’s blurting it out to Caroline who just nodded like ah yeah that sounds right.

Nic and Jesse discuss that Ewan was stingy with his money and Greg and Marianne had to sort of ration out what he gave them. So, that implies he might have been financially supporting them at least a little? But not as much as he could have been for whatever reason.

And If they were already trying to manage what small amount they were given and she is bad at handling money..

But yeah she seemed to be in contact with the Roys at some point. I kind of headcanon there was a big fallout with Ewan and Logan that ended with them completely estranged. But before that they saw them maybe every once in a while.

Caroline mentions seeing baby Greg which I’m not sure if that’s in person or if she meant in photos?

Shiv knows his name when Logan doesn’t lmao

“Greg the Egg” is a nickname so they are vaguely aware of his existence lmao

But Marianne also did have Marcia’s number or claimed she did, she said she was going to call to tell them Greg was coming (Marcia however was trying to get Logan to reconcile with Ewan so it wouldn’t surprise me if she reached out to them)

Connor mentions knowing her “Your mom is funny, I remember she sat on Gore Vidal’s lap.” “Who’s..Gore Vidal?”

I think..if I had to guess based on the information given, both Greg and Marianne probably feel a fair bit of resentment towards Ewan for not giving them the life they see Logan give his kids when Ewan absolutely has the means to do so. And that makes sense. They’re probably left wondering why do they deserve it and I don’t? Why am I not worthy of it, I’m a Roy too? (Even if not in name anymore)

So I think things would be very different if Ewan simply didn’t have the money to give. There wouldn’t be that deep resentment of “why do they deserve it but not me?” I think that probably factors in a fair bit with both Greg and Marianne’s behavior.

Marianne doesn’t seem to have any emotional attachment to that side of the family either so I could see her being quite bitter about it all and the hand she was dealt. (The Roys aren’t exactly easy to love though)

She doesn’t seem even a little concerned about Logan and while Greg barely knows him so it makes sense he’s not particularly affected by it, she probably saw her uncle growing up more than Greg ever did. Then again Logan is a generally horrible person so they could also be why lmao.

She encourages Greg to strategize, to choose who’s more important [Roman or Shiv] and if that isn’t Roy behavior I don’t know what is.

And this might just be me, maybe I’m too soft but I thought her refusing to give Greg any more money was…harsh? Like I get the impression this definitely isn’t the first time Greg has called her asking for money but he literally had no where to stay or food to eat? Dude had to sleep on a church pew and then stay in that horrible little youth hostel. (And take food in dog poop baggies from work)

Like Shiv stole his last $20 while he was on the phone with his mom lmao.

So, that was kind of an asshole move in my opinion.

However there is also the chance that she doesn’t actually have money to give him and that’s a different case entirely then.

Running up her son’s credit cards is an absolutely shitty move regardless of circumstances though.

She does however apparently tell Ewan that Greg has no money and tells him or feed him when he’s in town. Ewan says exactly that when he comes before the vote of no confidence.

I think it’s interesting she hasn’t tried to visit him in person though? Like wouldn’t she want to be more involved in that side of the family from what we know about her? Why doesn’t Greg ask? It might very well be because the Roys simply never invite her tho. There must be a reason but we don’t know what it is.

So she does care about Greg even if she seems rather harsh and distant with him. Greg seems perpetually frustrated with her but he clearly does love his mother.

As for Ewan and Marianne. We know after the whole inheritance business Ewan cut her off too for some reason? I can only think it’s (1) he’s mad she sent Greg there in the first place (2) he’s punishing Greg by punishing his mother and both options are quite horrible.

He’s taking care of her money shit and I know we can’t really count deleted scenes as canon but I am STILL emotional about the deleted scene of Greg panicking during the “shooting” and saying he needs to call his mom :( I think he does try to call her in it.

(There’s also a scene after that where Tom mocks him for it but Nic said he couldn’t get through the scene without breaking character.

I think he says something about “it was Tom making fun of him after this genuinely vulnerable moment where he’s terrified he’s going to die and he just wanted his mother” I believe Tom says something like “What? Are you going to call your mommy?” And..oof)

There’s just these hints of tragedy and dysfunction in that side of the family too that haven’t been fully explored and I desperately hope they will be in future seasons.

I mean I know I stress this a lot but it’s so painful and important to me. Greg turned down a guaranteed quarter of a billion dollars because Logan said he likes him.

Likes.

Not even “love” just “like” my dude is desperate for even the bare minimum of affection so I can only assume he never got it at home

I can’t stress how genuinely heartbreaking that is? A quarter of a billion just because Logan said he liked him and this is after boar on the floor too!!!

And that’s the thing isn’t it? He doesn’t even get that bare minimum of “I like you” from his own grandfather. Greg offers Ewan affection and while he does come off as a suck up to get shit sometimes I think it is genuine too. Ewan doesn’t react or blatantly rejects physical affection.

He doesn’t even say “I love you too:” back to Greg says it. He would rather sit in silence for 12 fucking hours in the car than talk to Greg. He acts like he’s a general annoyance and disappointment at all times.

And then of course the inheritance business which is blatant manipulation:

The most we got from Ewan on Greg was “I have tried to show you as much love and compassion as I’m able” and that’s as he cuts ties with him. (“As I’m able” at least he’s somewhat self aware I guess? Because he’s not capable of it like..at all)

Greg was going to leave Waystar until Logan said that. (Logan knew what he was doing)

Tom also plays on Greg’s desire to be a family in a rather cruel way in s1. When he’s telling Greg about the death pit and telling him to look at the papers, Greg initially doesn’t want to look because obviously he doesn’t want to be implicated.

He only looks when Tom looks him in the eyes and says “You’re family.” And Greg literally thanks him for saying that and looks in the folder. (Tom knew what he was doing there too)

Greg has become less easy to manipulate with this I think as the seasons go by. After Greg Sprinkles he seems very skeptical of Logan’s claims they’re concerned about him and he does not fall for that alone this time. He turns it into a negotiation. He’s learning..for better or worse.

(For his own emotional well-being it’s better he not rely on affection from the Roys tho)

Oh Nic also does mention a big factor in why Greg went with Ken is because of “Greg Sprinkles”, it hit Greg that these people don’t actually care about him, he isn’t worth shit to them. :(

Tom cements that in the s3 finale, “who’s ever looked after you in this fucking family?” And the answer is obvious. Greg knows it.

(I think he could still be manipulated with it again if someone really put a least some effort into it though)

Ah sorry for rambling It’s fascinating to me and Greg is my favorite so of course I want to know more. Greg hasn’t really been explored as a character in his own right that much and I think it’s a damn shame. He’s got a lot of potential.

[insomniac-arrest]

how NOT to do a tournament arc

It’s kind of sad, I really enjoyed the first book in the “Darker Shade of Magic” series by VE Schwab, I even rated it 4 stars on my Goodreads! People told me that the second book, A Gathering of Shadows, was even better and I was pretty excited.

However, I cannot get myself to finish the last 80 pages or so. I am really close to the end, but I just Do Not Care. I have stopped caring about these characters or what happens to them. I think the main problem is that I actually really love “tournament arcs,” they are literally always my favorite arcs in Shonen manga.

the tournament arc in the Naruto series?? life-changing. the tournament arc in My Hero Academia? literally the only full arc I’ve seen of that show. The tournament arc in Yu Yu Hakusho? so much fun. even outside of manga, the second Hunger Games book is my favorite of the three because I think the arena/game itself is really interesting and I’m a shallow bitch.

Lee vs Gaara?? 😩👌

I think it’s this love of the trope that kind of ruined the book for me because Schwab fundamentally mishandles why audiences care about our heroes joining or winning these things. *SPOILERS AHEAD*

So I literally hated the reason for every single character joining the tournament. Not only are most of them way too OP to be joining this tournament (it’s like the reverse underdog trope and I hate it), but the reasons they join are generally weak and actively make me want them to lose.

Why does Naruto do the tournament arc? He wants to go up in the ninja hierarchy and it’s a stepping stone to his overall goal of becoming a hokage. And, as always, he’s trying to prove his self worth as a person by punching people real good. He is an underdog and seeing him win is thus satisfying. You want him to win for practical, emotional, and cathartic reasons. It’s not that complex.

None of the heroes in A Gathering of Shadows want to join the tournament for practical reasons and seeing them win achieves no catharsis. They do have emotional reasons for joining it, but their emotional reasons actively make me want to bully them. Let’s get into it.

Lila wants to join the tournament to test her magic and also run away from her cool pirate life she always wanted because of Issues I guess. I found her reasons for joining the most acceptable of the 3, but also frankly vague and boring. She kind of just has this sense she has to join. The thing that really got me is how she goes out of her way to kidnap and replace this rando in the competition.

She is technically an underdog here, but having guessed by this point she is a *SPOILERS* Antari, I already know she is super powerful and is way too magically gifted for being in this normal-people magic Olympics. I don’t watch Haikyuu for the tall people dunking on other teams! I watch it for the short king overcoming height-ism! Your stories about genetically superior magic people suck!!

If she had like, an actually compelling reason to insert herself into the competition-- such as being in poverty and needing prize money or seeking revenge or political sabotage or wanting to win the heart of a girl, I might be more forgiving. But the fact she just kinda wants to . . test herself, and fucks up someone else’s life to do that, just made me angry. I get that’s she’s a spunky, wild-card, the author describes her as a “self-serving badass,” but she was just so weakly motivated that the self-serving part made me root against her. She’s out there messing with someone’s entire profession just to “test her abilities.” This is some villainy shit.

This and the fact her “not-like-other-girls” fuckery was all over the place in this book (one of her love interests literally says “you’re not like other girls”) rubbed me the wrong way.*

*Note: the first book also had this problem too, but I was kind of willing to forgive it bc I was interested in the magic stuff going on. But Schwab did NOT course correct and I had to have this whole do-I-dislike-Lila-bc-of-internalized-misogyny debate with myself. Luckily, I discovered that the only character I really liked in this book was Rhy regardless of gender.

Alucard is also there. I don’t clearly remember his motivation for joining, but he is already wealthy and has status and allies and doesn’t really need to join this tournament so I also did not particularly care if he won or lost. He’s also just, very pompous. Which, yeah, made him likable enough, but again, pompous characters in tournament arcs are not the ones you’re rooting for. That’s not why you watch.

Finally, Kell, king of the Over Powered angst trope, wants to join the tournament because he dreams of violence. He wants to fight other people. He has some bloodlust which he feels real bad about, but also damn does he want to use his magic powers to punch people. Like, dummies and training are not enough, it has to be real flesh and blood people to pummel.

I can’t emphasize how thoroughly this turned me off. Characters who join tournaments literally just for the purpose of smacking other people around are villains in these type of stories. They aren’t doing it for the prize or redemption or self-worth shit or love. And I wanted Kell to lose so bad!! I wanted him to get water-slapped across the stage! Not only was he way too overpowered in this tournament for me to care, but the reasons he’s in the tournament actively pissed me off. You want to find freedom in violence Kell? :( absolutely not.

And like, he does lose, but it’s only because he lets Lila win. No struggle. No gay little speeches. No random heartfelt trauma reveal or character development.

I hate it here.

Naturally, a western book does not have to follow random anime tropes, but shouldn’t readers be a bit invested in this staging since it takes up a large part of the book?

None of these characters are in the tournament for interesting reasons that make me want to root for them. Some characters who I was neutral on to begin with, literally made that Sims relationship thing pop up above my head when I read this

I know what you’re thinking: But Insomniac! The book isn’t about the tournament! It’s just the set-dressing! You must have noticed, the tournament fight scenes were really brief and boring. The main conflict is between the real villain and the main characters.

And I’m like . . . then why were the magic olympics there? Also, the fact all these characters were joining this important sports event for shallow reasons really did a number on my perception of them. None of them even want to be Hokage. This is ridiculous.

Anyway, as a side note I was interested in the Rhy/Alucard interaction, but I’ll probably never finish this book so  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[mattzerella-sticks]

Thoughts on "Carry On" after I've mulled it over:

Now that I've had time to sit on it, I can be a little more precise on my thoughts of this finale:

- Dean's 'ending': Taken out by a rusty nail... I hate it. Then I heard some opinions - without Chuck there were no magic fixes, and this was bound to happen if they continued hunting because of that. It was a human, ordinary, accidental death meaning the Winchesters are just ordinary. Still, being taken out by a nail or rebarb or whatever wasn't a satisfying death for Dean Winchester. Added to the fact he most certainly wanted to live (Miracle, job application, etc.) And he didn't want to hunt anymore either! He wasn't looking for hunts (like Sam was). They stumbled onto that hunt by accident.

From a writer's point of view, I can say now it makes sense with the plot of the episode (only). Dean's death was a catalyst - to give Sam 'freedom' and to show us, the audience, what Heaven was like now that Jack is God. His own sort of 'freedom', I guess.

Unfortunately the plot of the episode still sucked. Just because it makes sense 'story wise' (and I say that very loosely because Dean didn't even get his loose ends tied up nicely). A death during a hunt was something Dean figured would happen in his youth, and he didn't care because he practically was a ghost without many physical attachments. Now he has so many they decide to take him away and for what purpose? It is the last episode. A series finale should only hurt in saying goodbye to the characters, but not like this.

And a goodbye like this, for a character who has had suicidal tendencies and from the looks of it was moving past that, who never really thought about his wants until this moment, and who was on the cusp of being textually confirmed queer (which would have been monumental just saying), it felt like we as fans were stabbed by the rebarb. Which goes to show how much we love the character, one thing. And I think that's why they knew it would hurt. However, they were so wrapped up in this 'shock' they didn't think about any of the consequences listed above as to why this would hurt not only us but their legacy. They figured it'd be a bookend, only for a book whose story ended a decade ago.

- Cas: A one-sentence reference sucks. That's just it.

Fanfiction was mostly built around Cas, too, and I had a feeling they wouldn't show his rescue because leaving that to us would be a good gift. "Here, Cas is alive and human but we won't tell you how - our last fanfiction gap". But Cas's absence wasn't a fanfiction gap, it's a canyon. So much of this episode doesn't make sense without Cas. And, honestly, a good chunk of outrage could have been avoided if Misha was allowed to film (or, if rumors were true, if they left his scenes in). Like it's been proven the majority of fans love Cas, and Jensen and Jared love Misha, so not having him in the finale gives credence to, that the cast and crew might love Misha, TPTB certainly didn't. And doesn't that tarnish your legacy, that you have a man dedicate 12 years of his life to your show and this is how you repaid him? Even if they decided to 'no homo' Cas's declaration (which i doubt they would have because those optics are much worse) at least show it.

Which leads to why he wasn't included in the finale. If he was there, they'd have to have him and Dean talk. About that night, when Cas told Dean he loves him. And if they did, and had there be a reciprocal confession, I bet things on Tumblr would have felt a little different. An equal exchange instead of plain highway robbery.. Yes we would all still want Dean and Cas to live long, human lives, but at least Dean and Cas's emotional arcs were resolved by the SHOW WRITERS, whose job it is to do so. Not ours! But they never understood how to give Castiel good things. Clearly, they know how to make Castiel give good things (like creating Dean's perfect Heaven for him) but not receive them in kind (reciprocated love from Dean). By not having this, it plays exactly into the bury your gays trope we were all afraid of, even if Cas is back. Because he, a queer character, is still living his life for a character he believes doesn't love him back - even if Cas 'doesn't need to know if that's true'. The audience does, and I'm sure Misha did as well.

The writers set up such an easy win but what this finale did was put every character back to season one, and given Misha didn't show up until season 4, makes sense why he wasn't in this episode.

- Sam's life after Dean: Sam liked being a hunter. We had how many countless episodes show that? He enjoyed saving people, research, being a leader - he was good at it. Hell, they even made it a point to have him find someone in the life who understood what it was like to hunt and wrote a beautiful relationship that also gave disability rep.

Only they never followed through.

Like, with Dean, so much of this lead up was then tossed out the window by Sam starting a family, which he never had any indication he wanted to do in these later seasons. Since season 8, really. What we got was that he liked to hunt, he was good at it. He could have restarted the Men of Letters, America chapter, and made the hunters even more connected than before!

Not saying he didn't do that, but knowing how Sam was raised I doubt he would let himself hunt with a kid. So, by showing him marry and have Dean Jr., it's a non-textual confirmation he retired. Which, like with Dean's ending, didn't make sense with what he wanted. It felt like a "might as well" since Dean wasn't there any longer. Like, whats the point of doing something I love now that I don't have my brother with me?

Instead of leaving the Bunker he should have transformed it into a bustling center of activity so he wasn't alone. Extend the Winchester family further and become the hunters' patriarch. Eileen being the matriarch.

Which, circling back, Eileen should have had textual confirmation, too. They showed a brunette woman standing far back, and I get if the actress couldn't be there to film why they would do that. But why not show pictures of him and Eileen if they did marry? I mean, there's a giant picture of Sam with Dean, Mary, and John I DON'T remember them ever having. Why he would blow that up after having two previous episodes talk about how much of a bad father he is...

Sam's ending falls in the same vein as Dean's in that it's unsatisfactory and doesn't fit the character anymore. Not saying Sam didn't want this in the past, but we all saw him change. Hunting was in his blood, and he was fantastic at it. It used to be a way for him to hang with Dean but it would have also been good to see him carry on the legacy in Dean's honor. A better way then by naming his son Dean.

Which strikes another nail on the head. We have Dean, a subtextually queer/textually ambiguous sexuality character, die, and because of this Sam can go on and live the 'apple pie life'? Cas's confession scene wasn't homophobic, but damned if Sam didn't spend the thirty years after Dean's death yelling 'Straight Pride'.

Textually, giving characters a family is a common trope in these sort of epilogues. Harry Potter, Hunger Games, etc. A way to show they've moved on from trauma and are trying to be happy (albeit in a very antiquated way). But at least it fit with those characters and stories. This was Sam trying to be a person who he wasn't anymore, who clearly would rather be on the road hunting (given that ugly wig scene in the garage with Dean's Impala). Actually, worse, it felt like Sam was trying to live a life Dean always wanted. Which shows that even if he's alive Sam isn't happy with what his life was, he was content. He was waiting for death.

- Dean's time in Heaven: Like I said previously about Dean and his 'death', it makes sense to have Dean die early if the goal was to show how Heaven had been changed. Which hurts worse because that again reinforces how Dean's storyline truly is left unresolved for plot development.

And, honestly, they should have cut this entire sequence if they weren't gonna have the cameos. They should have changed the script so that Dean didn't die, because there was no emotional pay-off of Dean going to heaven. We're told it's freedom, however it's more like a waiting room. For Dean, driving endlessly until Sam dies. And for us, being told we can't start writing until Sam gets there and we finish his montage.

Like, is it beautiful that Jack and Cas remade heaven so Dean would be happy? Yes. Did I need to know this until like maybe the last few minutes? No. Dean could have lived a long life, with Cas/without Cas, and then die first and be taken to Heaven. And then after Bobby gives him the rundown, about how time works differently here, we get the Sam end of life and see him pop up too. And when Sam asks what happened to Heaven, Dean could have clapped him on the back and told him he'd explain in the car and they drive away knowing they lived a good life, and have eternity of peace.

Because having Heaven be an open sandbox, for us, to let characters roam free and see those they love without them being memories - beautiful and exactly how Heaven should be. It definitely is something we as writers would have enjoyed if we didn't get it how we did.

Because it hadn't felt like Dean nor Sam deserved the deaths they got. Making Heaven, ultimate freedom, seem such a dangerous idea. That the only true peace is in death (Dean) and life is spent waiting for death so you can be reunited (Sam). What about any of that makes it seem like any of what Sam and Dean did was worth it? Was good? At least on Earth. Sure, without them (and Cas and Jack) Heaven wouldn't be the way it was. But that doesn't seem like a good reward for them. Their reward should have been living long lives (both of them) and them buttoning it with those five to seven minutes of how Heaven changed (more if they decided to leave Cas as an angel despite that being, again, zero character growth and not aligning with how the story was unfolding)

And after a painful, undeserved death, we get Dean in Heaven but still not happy? It was clear Dean was still waiting to let himself enjoy seeing all his family, his friends, Cas, because Sam wasn't there. Which shows he hadn't broken the sacrificial cycle because he's not putting himself first! "Oh but he has eternity to do it!" Yes, but he shouldn't have had to wait still. His whole life has been spent waiting and he gets killed just before he gets his due, and we never see him particularly 'enjoy' his reward, which is too tragic for a series finale. "He could have done more than drive, we don't know!" Yes, but if they're not showing it then why should I read into it? This finale isn't deep. "But covid-" Yeah, I get that. They should have changed the script because without those cameos Dean's time in Heaven was more than pointless and this whole finale was just an exercise in how to hate your main characters.

What this boils down to is that we, as fans, were told that this was for us, except we already knew Heaven was ours because Heaven was supposed to be the implied. Heaven is whatever we make of it. We didn't need to be told this through the show. Having this be the goal of this episode, of the finale - which sums up the goal of the entire series, really - be totally focused on the life we get after death instead of doing the most to make life on Earth paradise for you, was rotten. And Sam's 'happily ever after' was cheapened because of Dean's death.

- Family Don't End in Blood?: Taking into account all of the above, the show has failed the core message of what we as a fandom loved. Family don't end in blood.

Again, I get that covid stole any chance of reunions in Heaven, but it also stole so many others. Like Sam wouldn't have called Garth, Jody, Donna, the girls and Eileen, to have them here for Dean's funeral? Sam wouldn't have burned Dean alone! We know there was some time that passed since the hunt and Dean's funeral by the dog being there, but it should have been more people. Which, again, they should have axed it from the story if they couldn't get them because, like these side characters have done from the beginning, they change the context of the show! Sam's loneliness would have hit harder if it was a room full of people all telling stories about Dean to then just him, alone, in the Bunker trying to move on.

The writers thought we didn't need all these cameos, but we did because - as we keep repeating - while the show, at its heart, is Sam and Dean, there were so many more people who gave their characters depth and allowed for this show to continue. It should have been a celebration of who the boys became and how it was through these bonds they were able to overcome so much.

Which, if redone in that context, Dean's speech to Sam could have been so much better. More poignant and hopeful instead of sad. I mean, I could barely focus on what was being said because I was in too much shock of what was being done to Dean. If they had a similar speech, given with Dean and Sam parting ways to start new lives. Dean reminding Sam he's done so much good, that he's proud of his brother and knows he can do so much even without him, the emotional beat would have still hit! Probably even better than with his death. Because my takeaway from Dean's death isn't "Dean is proud of Sam" it's "Dean died stupidly".

Going to show that this entire script was a series of choices that were all the worst possible outcome, stitched together and handed in. It didn't feel congruent to the story and, instead, a bunch of items checked off of a list the writers were given. It didn't feel like the culmination of the series like we were promised, instead a 'what if the show skipped fourteen years after season 2, John's dead, Mom's killer dead, and no demon deal'. It felt like (even if it wasn't intended) the writers telling us "don't expect people to change or that happy ending exist in life" which, given current climates and attitudes, is dangerous.

Overall:

They were trying to satisfy an audience built around fandom and fanworks, they wanted to leave so much "up to interpretation" so we can continue crafting our narratives through this open sandbox. What they failed to consider is that we don't care where the brothers, or any of the characters, physically are in this show, we care more about the characters themselves and their emotional goals. That's why we write fanfiction. That's why there's a lot of canon divergence. We thank them for the world and play around in it. So, by giving Sam and Dean these 'half-lives' on screen, letting loose threads hang so we, as an audience, can fill in the blanks (Dean and Cas's heaven reunion, who Sam married, what Dean did while driving for fifty years, etc.) was a poor and lazy decision because we are tired of having to do your job! Supernatural is a collaborative effort yes, but they misunderstood the assignment. We still need textual goalposts, like seeing Cas or Eileen. We needed them to finish what they were saying, so we could then take over and continue the story.

A series finale should feel poignant but the only really emotional moment was Dean's death (not for good reasons), and the rest was filler. Your series finale should not feel like filler. It felt rushed. It felt sloppy and - because of not including a certain character - plain rude. Just... it didn't work. The short of it is that the finale, as a whole, didn't work. It didn't wrap the show up in its entirety like we were promised it would. And if they do revive this show for a mini-series or movie, they best forget what happened in episode 20.

[newtedison]

my thoughts on the crank palace

i touched about this a bit on twitter (@newtedison_) but i figured i would Try and touch on my points more here (spoilers obv) again, its sort of lengthy

1. im gonna start with talking about the ending because i need to get it out of the way. either i havent read the books in a while and i forgot some canon (which could very well be true, i literally forgot that Bliss was a thing) or this ending makes no sense and is (somehow) setting up for a tdc sequel? so first off, newt was shot in the Head with a Bullet and somehow didnt immediately die? i know that that can happen in real life but it just seems so unlikely that not only would he not die, but he would survive long enough for someone from WCKD to transport him back to their labs and try to revive him. and who the fuck was he talking to? did thomas get newt’s journal at some point and i just dont remember? like i said, either im forgetting stuff or this ending doesnt make sense and is setting up a sequel which...i’ll get to later

2. why was this written? like, what was the point? i understand that this wasnt going to be all sunshine and rainbows but i feel like i was reading torture porn. like, literally all that happens is newt gets tortured (which is described in detail) by WCKD soldiers, has bouts of insane-fueled rage where he KILLS MULTIPLE PEOPLE, and then he dies. ??? what did this contribute to the canon? what was this trying to accomplish? truthfully, i never really wanted a newt-POV...well, anything except for maybe those little nuggets he wrote some time ago. but even if i HAD wanted a newt-POV novella, this is not what i would have wanted. he KNOWS that newt is almost universally the most loved character in this franchise. you can tell because he constantly uses him as a way to get fans in his good graces again. so why on earth would he take that character that so many people love and write a novella where its torture porn and a descent into madness before death? i am not interested in that At All. i’ve read fics (and even written a drabble) where newt is a Crank, and those were more respectful and easier to read than tcp. the parts where newt is having bouts of the Flare were literally exhausting to read; it was described in such vivid and torturous detail that it made me sick reading it. and it didnt help that newt is a character i care a lot about. i didn’t need to know what becoming a Crank felt like. the way it was described in the other books (and even the movies) told me everything i needed to know. the way thomas and everyone found newt at the crank palace in tdc and hes described as obviously not well, but not knowing what exactly happened to him...thats good enough on its own. the mystery of what exactly newt had to endure is part of what gives his journey more emotional depth. not everything needs to be written out and explained. not every gap needs to be filled in. 

3. me saying “the characterization felt off” is going to make some people roll their eyes because ‘duh, sami, the characterization will be off because he’s going insane’ to which i say...exactly. we weren’t really reading a newt-POV novella, were we? even if he isn’t past the Gone in the beginning, hes clearly not the same person we knew him as. the whole novella felt like an uncanny valley situation; i knew i was supposed to be reading about newt, but it felt like i was reading about someone else who looked like him. and that is part of what made this such a disconnect and made me lose interest at parts. not only that, but the world building and lore is inconsistent. newt makes a comment about how it used to rain in the glade, and apparently (as ive been told) that is simply not true. keisha having somehow working cell phone that magically connects her to her family also doesnt make sense. how would they have each others’ numbers? what are the odds that they BOTH found working cell phones in an apocalypse? i get that its a novella but you cant just throw something that crazy in there as a plot convenience. actually work on your plot and world building in a cohesive way, please. and another thing that doesnt make sense...

4. ...is newt finding out that sonya is his sister. if there was anything i would have wanted from a newt-pov novella, it would have been this. him finding out that not only is sonya his sister, but he already knows her post-WCKD. something that would have made this novella actually captivating, contributing something worthwhile to the canon that i would actually want to read, is if newt found out while in the crank palace that sonya was his sister; the Flare would remove that part of the Slice in his brain, and he would realize it was her. then, knowing that he couldnt go past the Gone before seeing her, he would try to find a way to get back to her. he could learn this after thomas and everyone originally see him, so it could match up with the canon. and then, by the time 250 comes along, hes lost all hope of that actually happening, and lashes out to thomas in a fit of rage. the journey of him trying to find his ACTUAL sister would have meant more to me than the story of keisha and dante. trust me, i love a found family trope as much as the next girl. but this series is FULL of the found family trope. it pretty much is the backbone of the franchise. so to see a blood family dynamic would have been a refreshing change of pace that i actually would have been interested in reading. also, the way that newt DOES find out about sonya is...underwhelming. he just randomly says “you remind me of my sister, sonya” to keisha in the WCKD truck. first of all, sonya is not the name you would actually know her by. you would know her by her birth name (which is lizzy? elizabeth?). second, why does he act like he didnt already meet her in the series? when the WCKD doctor tells him sonya is his sister and is alive, hes so surprised. wouldn’t he have known that already? why is there not more emphasis on the fact he already met her? that would have been a really interesting dynamic to explore, and im sad they didnt

5. the pacing and dialogue of tcp is so dragged out. i remember specifically there was a section where newt goes to talk to keisha after she starts abandoning dante, and i swear to god there was a page and a half of text before anything ACTUALLY happened or anyone ACTUALLY said anything. dashner described a launcher at one point as “the energy dependent electric firing projectile device.” that’s SIX words to describe a stun gun. a fucking stun gun! we know what it is! why did you have to use six words??? it just felt like everything was dragged and stretched to the longest it could possibly be and it added to the exhaustion i felt while reading it

6. okay i cant end it without talking about newtmas. its very obvious by now that newtmas is a VERY large part of this fanbase. its clearly the most popular ship and what keeps a lot of people interested in this series. even the marketing team for the MOVIES used newtmas as a advertising tactic (i.e.; using thomas and newt standing face to face as a thumbnail for the trailer, emphasizing newtmas based questions in interviews, even making a fucking facebook memories video for them. yes that last one is real). not only does dashner use newt as a way to lure fans in; he also uses newtmas. the parts that were sprinkled into this were so obvious that it didnt feel authentic. i cant speak for the original trilogy; i dont know the culture around ships back then, and i dont know how much it influenced his writing at the time. but the scenes in those books felt more genuine than tcp. by genuine i mean; he wrote scenes without a relationship in mind, but the chemistry had noticeable subtext that, while unintentional, was largely agreed upon by the larger audience. the parts of newtmas he added into tcp felt artificial and forced, likely as a way for people to take snippets of and use as a free marketing tool for him. one example you might have already seen; “he had already gotten used to his post-thomas, post-WCKD life.” the fact that dashner SPECIFICALLY used the phrase “post-thomas” rather than “post-his friends” or something similar shows that he is using newtmas as a hook on purpose. not only that, but to make newt’s last thoughts as he died “tommy. tommy will understand...” is...wow. first of all, i never wanted to know what newt’s dying thoughts were, but thanks, i guess? and second, when we all initially thought newt died underneath thomas with a gun to his head, i was pretty much inferred that newts last thoughts would probably be about thomas; they would sort of have to be, given the circumstances. so adding that in gives me the same feeling that “i’m coming for you, newt” at the end of the fever code gave me. not as offensive, but written very much on purpose. and the ending is implying that there will somehow be a sequel where thomas gets newt’s journal from...someone. at this point, i can only think that this sequel will retroactively make newtmas canon somehow. now that newt has been confirmed as gay, it could happen. which brings me to my last point...

7. hearing dashner confirm newt is gay was already mind-boggling before. now that i’ve read the crank palace...im angry. im very angry. i think its safe to say that newt is the character that suffers the most in this series. you can argue with me but hes definitely high on the list, if not #1. so; you take this character. you give him a horribly sad arc in the original trilogy, then decide to expand upon it and tell us, your largely QUEER fanbase, exactly how painful and torturous his last days were, in detail. and then you tell us he’s gay. something that is never mentioned in the canon, only in an offhanded reply to a tweet of someone calling you out. on a base level, i can understand why people would be happy. representation (i guess), seeing themselves in the character, having their headcanons be confirmed. great. but what i see is you telling your largely queer fanbase “hey, you see the only confirmed gay character? im going to literally write torture porn about him before killing him off and offer it to you like im providing a service to your community.” how fucked up is that? “hey, kids, if youre gay, you WILL be violently tortured and become violent and a danger to the ones you love. then you will die and your love will never be reciprocated.” what a message! and if he DOES end up retroactively making newtmas “canon” in some weird sequel...i will start foaming at the mouth. THIS is an example of how not all queer representation is good or genuine.

i’ve definitely forgotten some points but this is long enough already. let me know if you agree or if theres anything else you want to add! im interested in what you guys think

(8. I JUST REMEMBERED!!! if WCKD needed to study newt so bad bc sonya is his sister and is immune while he isnt, why did they let him run around the crank palace in the first place??? you cant test his vitals or anything you’re literally just watching him. what is the point????)

[possiblyimbiassed]

John’s wedding is a crime scene - Part V

I’ve already talked a lot about what ‘crimes’ might have been committed in Sherlock’s ‘reality’ around John’s wedding in TSoT, so now I think it would be interesting to analyse some events that might have lead up to these ‘crimes’, and also how Sherlock might interpret them in his Mind Palace. 

This idea occurred to me after a new discussion surged regarding Part IV of this meta series - a discussion which you can find here (X). (To anyone who prefers to start from the beginning of the series, here are the previous parts: Part I, Part II, Part III). In one of the additions, @lukessense was talking about TLD and asked the following questions:

Sherlock gets beaten by John, because he blames him for killing Mary and asks him if this is a game to him (Sherlock thinks he ‘killed’ Mary because he…flirted with John? Or what is the game here? The game of not confessing? The game of unanswered questions about their feelings?).

These things have been puzzling me too, and I’m not sure about the answers in any sense. The following is just my very subjective opinion, and there could certainly exist a lot of alternate explanations. But I’ll try to lay out my view of it all here - in an emotional context - and see how S4, in particular TLD, can relate to John’s wedding and to other events before it.

The Macho Game

Continued under the cut

First of all: what is ‘The Game’ we see played out in the show actually about? I think The Game is basically between Sherlock and John and it’s about not admitting to (romantic) emotions; it’s a sort of ‘macho’ game where the first one to show the ‘weakness’ of being in love with the other one loses. They can dance around each other for ages, but none of them will lower their guard first and risking the harsh destiny of unrequited love and abandonment and consequently be seriously hurt (’killed’) - risking to have their heart burned.

In Sherlock’s view, to fall in love is to lose all power and control over your own life - hence the constant death metaphor for it in his mind. To confess to feelings is to bare your throat to the attack of the ‘enemy’ - and the enemy is Love; in Sherlock’s eyes the culprit of much of the suffering in this world.

Why is this ‘game’ so important to maintain for Sherlock? Because emotions is such a scary, unreliable and stigmatising thing, especially between two men, and they have to be kept at bay. I think Sherlock is against them on the surface because they interfere with the logical reasoning in his work, but in reality he’s scared as h*ll of them because of his childhood (and maybe youth) traumas. I would guess something really bad happened to him, probably involving Victor Trevor and maybe also his parents.

Sherlock’s aim is to be on top of all that, to never feel doubt of his own capacity and to never give in to the dangerous dominance of emotions. His way of doing this has unfortunately been to repress all affectionate emotions which he sees as a threat. But this ’strategy of survival’ has also damaged him gravely. And inside himself, a part of him is still fighting against it.

My view of John is that he has probably been raised in a homophobic and even abusive ‘macho’ environment/family and been taught to look down on LGBTQ people, hence his gay sister’s problems with alcohol. He’s a very reserved guy who rarely talks about how he feels. He struggles with the duality of his sexual orientation and with fear of society’s condemnation of the gay side of it (”people will talk”). He may think he has a ’liberal’ view of these things (”...which is fine, by the way”), but John also believes he needs to live up to conventions and social expectations, at least on the surface, in spite of never actually having his heart in it.

John engages in this ’macho game’ with Sherlock because he’s also very confused about his own emotions. On one hand he’s both sexually attracted to and deeply in love with Sherlock, but on the other he’s afraid of what these feelings are doing to him. He thinks there’s ’something wrong’ with him for feeling this way about Sherlock. But he’s also an adrenaline junkie; he can’t resist danger. His worst nightmare is to openly confess his (romantic) love to Sherlock, only to then be abandoned by this ’un-feeling psychopath’ and left with the stigma of coming out, but with no-one to support him. I see it as unlikely that John will make the first move to break this ’dance’, unless he has reason to feel sure about Sherlock being there for him.

False conclusions

Now, even if S4 is all composed of Sherlock’s dreamed/imagined scenarios inside his Extended Mind Palace, I don’t think we can interpret everything we see in them as his ’gained wisdom’. In science, scenarios are never more accurate than the data you put into the model, or than the algorithm you use to run the scenario. And these being dream scenarios with no support in ’reality’ (in this case John’s blog) prevents us from using common logics to interpret them; the metaphors are mixed and many-layered. And all the events we see in S4 are fabrications, but maybe partly based on things that did happen before, which Sherlock’s brain now uses in ’new’ situations for the purpose of analysis. Also - and this is important - some of it may show us Sherlock’s mistaken conclusions - he might actually be wrong. :)

As for the hug scene in TLD, I think Sherlock still believes that John really wants to be the guy Mrs Het Norm Mary expected him to be, but he can’t and that’s why John starts crying at the end of the scene. When the truth is that John just can’t play this ridiculous game anymore; it has made him a liar and a cheater and it’s eating him up from the inside (and destroying his character on the meta level).

This has most probably to do with internalised homophobia, but I don’t think Sherlock has realised this just yet (because they both have it internalised). If Sherlock and John had sex on the stag night, then yes; maybe Sherlock (subconsciously) believes he thereby destroyed John’s protection from exposure. He ‘killed’ Mary, he ’broke the spell’ by making John cheat on her, and the result is a depressed John. 

All of this is conclusions that Sherlock reaches first in TLD, after having run this whole scenario about John’s psychological motivations. (And I don’t think Sherlock is aware that his brain keeps running scenarios; he thinks everything in S4 actually happens). I have tried to describe my view of TLD in my meta series ‘What happened to Sherlock’ (X). All seems back to normal after the hug scene, but the problem is that TLD still ends with John being shot, so the problem has not been solved. Which propells Sherlock into his next mental scenario, TFP, where he finally has to confront his own emotions and traumas.

But I think the hug scene in TLD is false - at least partly - because it shows us a John whom it is very hard for Sherlock to comfort because of John’s self-loathing. I actually don’t believe the ‘real’ John would tell Sherlock that “it’s not okay” when Sherlock for once is there for him emotionally and actually offers him something as intimate as a hug. The ‘real’ John would take this opportunity without hesitation and hug him back. But Sherlock misinterprets his own data; he thinks this is all about John’s love for Mary, and his mourning after having lost her. While in ‘reality’ (where Mary may not even be dead) I think John is hoping for precisely this; he’s waiting for Sherlock to show his cards first. But this would mean that Sherlock first has to embrace Sentiment. 

All in all I think Sherlock is a very empathetic person who cares deeply about people, especially those closest to him; he is by no means a ‘psychopath’. In fact he uses empathy as a method of crime solving; he puts himself in another persons’ shoes to see what he would do in that situation (and this comes directly from canon). This way he often manages to reason backwards to reconstruct what has happened. The problem with Sherlock’s analyses, though, is that he actively tries to avoid considering emotional aspects. His fear of certain emotions sometimes leads him in the wrong direction. 

Why the beating?

So what about John’s beating of Sherlock in the morgue in TLD, where he blames Sherlock for killing Mary? This scene is outright horrible to watch and very difficult to understand. Disarming Sherlock and make him drop the scalpel is one thing, but how can Sherlock even dream that John would assault his best friend and kick the sh*t out of him while lying defenseless on the floor? For something that he didn’t even do? This is so absurd that I strongly suspect something else is going on. But here we must remember that this nightmarish scenario, as well as many others, might be based on things that have actually happened before; things that might have lead to the oddity of John’s wedding becoming a ‘crime scene’. 

So let’s use Sherlock’s empathy methods on himself here, and try to analyse how Sherlock might have interpreted certain things that lead to the situation in TSoT. Because I think this is basically what Sherlock’s brain is trying to do in TLD, even if he still doesn’t actually ‘get it’. :P Which, by the way, is smoothly illustrated by this interchange between Mycroft (= Sherlock’s Brain) and Mrs Hudson (= Sherlock’s intuition? His heart?) in TLD:

Before beginning I want to point out that in my view most of the things we see happen in the show (especially after TSoT) represent Sherlock’s lively interpretation of what John has written on his blog. So in order to understand the beating in TLD, the first thing I would do is look for any kind of beating accounted for by John on his blog. And yes; there is of course this one in the blog post The Empty Hearse (X):

John actually admits publicly that he did beat up Sherlock in a restaurant, and then he goes on to wave the whole thing away without even a shred of remorse. Trying to look at this through Sherlock’s logical eyes (where emotions are repressed), I get the impression that John thinks this was a perfectly OK thing to do, after Sherlock’s little ‘joke’. It’s as if John were saying, in big macho style: “Don’t mess with Captain John Watson, Sherlock, because this is what happens, see? Sneaking up on me like that, you’ll get what you deserve.” 

In fact, this whole blog post stands in stark contrast to what John had written about Sherlock when he thought he was dead. Instead of honouring Sherlock’s memory, now he talks about “Sherlock Bloody Holmes” and “I know he's a psychopath and I've accepted that, but...” And also that “he hadn't trusted us enough to tell us what was really going on. Not sure I'll ever truly forgive him for that”. And “he comes back into my life which means I find myself being attacked, kidnapped and stuck in a bonfire”. In this blog post, the only redeeming quality that Sherlock seems to have in John’s eyes, apart from his crime solving, is that he offers John a chance to help with it, which means danger for the adrenaline junkie. “He’s like a drug”. And John finishes with stating that Mary “is the best thing that's ever happened to me”, addressing it directly to Sherlock with a smiley.  What is Sherlock supposed to make of all this?

I can understand that John is upset and appalled by Sherlock’s seemingly heartless nonchalance in just appearing before him like a ghost and behave like John’s years of grieving were all but a joke. But once he had assaulted the guy (thrice, if we are to believe the show’s version), why still this intense resentment? Why wasn’t it even enough to ‘vent’ by hitting the guy? Hadn’t he begged and hoped that Sherlock by some miracle would still be alive? 

Apparently, now that Sherlock is back from the dead, all John’s emotional defenses immediately snap up again like a protective wall and the 'macho game’ is on once more. But unfortunately I don’t think Sherlock gets this, because it’s about Sentiment, and it has to do with him and John. Sherlock probably wouldn’t look at it that way.

But my point is, that this is what Sherlock’s subconscious is trying to tell him through the comatose scenarios in TLD: ‘Mary’ is dead because Sherlock has effectively destroyed John’s heteronormative façade. 

And when did this happen? Well, it probably began when Sherlock suddenly returned from the dead; by that he managed to explode John’s carefully crafted little bubble of ordinary life. Or - more accurately - he blew up his little bubble of heteronormative life; he started to ‘kill Mary’. Hence John’s deep resentment; he was losing ‘the game’. But the biggest blow would have happened around John’s wedding, I think. Because if they actually did end up in bed after a wet Stag Night, this would have been the ultimate proof, wouldn’t it? The final evidence that Mary was not the best thing that could have happened to John, that this was just some BS that John was trying to hide behind. 

John’s cover would have been blown, but he still proceeded to marry Mary Morstan as if nothing, making Sherlock feel like a trash can, only worthy of abuse. I even think there is some more evidence of this in John’s comment to his own last blog post about the Mayfly Man:

So John tries here to legitimise his own conduct, right? A married man who wanted some one-night stands. It might be significant that Sherlock doesn’t even comment on this blog post, but after the wedding he simply hacks the blog. No wonder that Sherlock’s scenarios in HLV, TAB and S4 would be dark and cynical then, is there? No wonder Sherlock calling himself “a sociopath who solves crimes as an alternative to getting high“. No wonder him calling it “surgery” when Mrs Het Norm ‘Mary’ skillfully cuts out his heart.

But the thing is, that John’s useless marriage could most probably have been avoided if Sherlock had been frank and honest to John about his feelings for him in the first place. And it’s still not too late; the ’crime’ can be reversed. I still have good hope that Sherlock will eventually reach that point in S5 by finally recognising the importance of emotions and take on the real criminal here: homophobia.   

Tagging some people who might be interested:

@raggedyblue​ @lukessense​ @sarahthecoat​ @gosherlocked​ @ebaeschnbliah​ @sagestreet​ @tjlcisthenewsexy @loveismyrevolution

[mst3kproject]

Magic Christmas Tree

I thought I’d try something different this year and find a bad Hannukah movie, but everybody I asked had the same recommendation: Adam Sandler’s Eight Crazy Nights.  I know for a fact that is a prohibitively awful film, because I know people who’ve watched parts of it (I have not to date met anyone who could sit through the whole thing), but it just doesn’t feel like an MST3K feature to me.  Anyway, I have standards.  My conclusion is that people need to make more Hannukah movies… and until that happens, I’m watching Magic Christmas Tree, which comes specially recommended by RiffTrax.

This is the only Christmas movie I’ve ever seen which starts with cheerful holiday music over footage of… Hallowe’en decorations. Obnoxious bully Mark and his two pushover friends decide to go investigate a supposedly-haunted house. Naturally the old lady who lives there is a witch, and in exchange for Mark rescuing her cat, she gives him a seed for a magical tree that will grant him three wishes.  Two months later, with the tree fully grown, his first wish is to have magical powers for one hour – he uses them to torment unfortunate people who were already having to work on Christmas Eve.  His second wish is to kidnap Santa Claus and extort unlimited presents from him, but that attracts the attention of the spirit of Greed, who intends to keep Mark as a slave forever!  Good thing he’s still got that third wish.

God, I hate this movie.  I’d say it’s the worst Christmas movie I’ve ever seen, but Elves exists, so instead I have to say it’s the worst Christmas movie that didn’t have any Nazis in it.  It reminds me more than anything else of Ghost of Dragstrip Hollow, in that it’s an absolute mess that seems to have been put together by people who have no idea what they’re doing.  It spends most of its time on boring, annoying irrelevant bullshit, and then when it gets to the plot, that’s boring and annoying, too!

Magic Christmas Tree is only an hour long, but that’s twice as long as it needed to be.  A plot summary makes it sound like most of the film will be dealing with Mark’s three wishes and how he uses them, but it’s half-over before we even get to that point.  The time leading up to it is spent watching Mark follow the witch’s complicated instructions on how to grow and activate the tree, and his parents dealing with this unwanted thing appearing in the middle of their back yard.  All of this is presented in excruciating detail.  We watch Mark dig the entire hole to plant the seed in.  We see his Dad struggle with the lawnmower at unbelievable length, while the Mom yacks about nothing on the phone with her friend Betty.  The Dad tries to cut the tree down with no success.  Mark has to say a set of magic words over and over and over.

It goes on so long, it passes the are you fucking kidding me? point and wanders into territory where you wonder if there’s something wrong with the disk and you’re playing the scene over and over.  It actually starts to feel like it’s on purpose – especially when the slowness is repeatedly emphasized by shots of Mark’s pet tortoise, Ichabod, who seems to be eating his patch of clover far faster than anybody else is accomplishing anything.  You’ll swear the movie is making fun of you.

The sound that accompanies all this is sometimes very peculiar.  The old lady has exactly the voice you’d expect from a witch in a cheap kid’s movie, but Mark’s Mom sounds like she’s being dubbed by a twelve-year-old boy, possibly the same one who provided the voice for Mark himself.  The tree speaks (oh, yes, it does) in the voice of a smarmy stereotypical gay man.  Santa Claus sounds like he’s half-senile and wondering what’s for lunch.

The lawnmower makes some very strange noises indeed. I guess they’re meant to be cartoonish and funny.  They’re definitely the former but they’re never the latter, possibly because they never sound remotely like a lawnmower.  When Mark’s Dad is trying to get it started it sounds like the ghost of a consumptive horse, and three hours later when it actually gets going, it makes noises like a traffic jam in Whoville.

Besides sounding weird, the actors are just plain bad.  The guy playing Santa Claus is half-asleep.  We’re told that the tree’s magic means he’s trapped in the chair he’s sitting in, and I honestly do believe that actor could not have gotten up if he tried, no wishes necessary.  The woman playing Mark’s Mom looks like she’s high as a kite and only barely keeping her grip on reality.  Maybe that’s why they had to dub her.  Mark’s Dad recites his lines like a guy on a game show reading his own life story off a teleprompter, and does his yard chores in a way that’s probably supposed to be pantomimey but is the opposite of entertaining.  The Dad gets an inordinate amount of screen time, which I can only chalk up to the fact that he’s played by director Dick Parish.

The worst of the lot are, of course, the kids, who are predictably terrible 60’s child actors.  They yell all their lines, with the volume and exaggerated emphasis you expect from a school play.  It wears thin very, very quickly.  The kid playing Mark is the worst of the lot, although I might just think that because he’s the one we spend the most time with.  He’s a huge part of why this movie makes me so mad.

I think the best way to describe Mark as a character is to say that the first time I watched this movie I assumed his name was ‘Billy’, despite the fact that everybody kept calling him ‘Mark’. He just seems like the type of nasty little brat who’d be named ‘Billy’ in a bad 60’s Christmas movie.  We meet him having lunch with his two friends by the playground, and learn that he’s a greedy little shit when he drives a hard bargain in a sandwich trade.  Greedy-little-shit-itude continues to be his primary character trait and is, of course, the core of the movie’s lesson.  His attempt to monopolize Santa Claus makes him such a greedy little shit that Greed himself takes an interest in him.

Greed is a huge hairy man who takes delight in kidnapping little boys.  I think he’s supposed to look like a fairy tale giant.  Watching him manhandle a child is an intensely uncomfortable experience.

I guess ‘don’t be greedy’ is a standard message for a children’s movie, and it seems like a particularly appropriate one for Christmas, which presents children with a great opportunity for avarice. What seems a little odd is that Mark never actually suffers any consequences for his selfishness, only the vague threat of them. There was a perfect opportunity for some of this when Mark kidnaps Santa Claus.  Santa, after all, brings toys to good girls and boys… surely by this point, after his brief reign of terror with his magical powers, Mark has been naughty enough to deserve only coal.  Apparently that’s not how it works, though.  Mark just wanders off into the woods in search of small animals to shoot with his new rifle, runs into the giant, and immediately repents even though Greed is offering him all the toys and candy he wants.

What supposedly prompts Mark to become a better person is seeing how the world has responded to Santa Claus going missing.  Curiously, there is very little emphasis on the children who are sad because they didn’t get any presents.  Maybe somebody thought that would have made them seem greedy? Instead, the vision Greed presents to Mark is of the United States military mobilizing to locate Santa and bring him home, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians-style!  So… I guess Mark becomes a better person because he’s afraid of what’s going to happen if the army finds Santa trapped in a chair in his house?  I guess that is pretty terrifying.

Another thing that blunts the lesson is the fact that Mark is given his three wishes as a reward for a good deed.  He got the witch’s cat down from the tree, so she offers him the magical seed and doesn’t let him refuse.  What then was he supposed to use his three wishes for, if not to get stuff for himself? Was this intentionally a poisoned gift, because you shouldn’t accept things from witches?  The witch insists that there are good witches as well as wicked ones, but she’s not exactly an unbiased source.  The movie never tries to blame her, though.  The situation is presented as Mark’s fault, and Mark’s alone.

Finally, at the end Mark wakes up and finds that of course the whole thing was a dream – there was no witch, no magic tree, and no Santa Claus.  This is less annoying than it could have been because at least it’s not a surprise. Mark did hit his head when he fell out of the tree the cat was in, and the movie changed from black and white to colour.  We’ve seen this before in The Wizard of Oz and we can guess where it’s going. The audience might assume that Mark will wake up and immediately take the opportunity to be generous instead of greedy, perhaps by giving his friend something to make up for the lunch trade. Instead, the woman who owns the cat (who is not actually a witch, but looks even more like one in this part of the film than she does wearing the Hallowe’en witch costume in Mark’s dream) offers him milk and cookies, and he delightedly accepts.  This just gives the impression that he’s learned nothing.

Is there anything in this movie I didn’t hate?  Well… among Mark’s school friends is a token black kid, who is not differentiated in any way from his peers.  He talks like them, he dresses like them, and the writers did not use either his lunch or his Hallowe’en plans as a way to demarcate a class difference between him and the others.  So yeah, the movie sucks, but the writers tried really hard not to be racist.

Happy fucking holidays.  I want to say hooray for surviving 2020, but we’ve still got a week to go.  That’s plenty of time for oh, I don’t know, an alien invasion, or a giant meteor, or the Yellowstone supervolcano, or zombies, or whatever.  At this point, if most of us aren’t dead by this time next year, I’ll count that as a win.

[theres-a-goldensky]

BL Show Review Series - TharnType

ThIt was requested that I make my next BL review about TharnType. And since series two is ongoing currently, it seemed like the right time to dive into this flawed series that struck gold with its two leads.

Disclaimer that these are my own opinions, and I don’t know where the BL community as a whole stands on these shows. If I disliked a show you loved or visa versa, no disrespect is intended!

MASTERLIST OF BL SHOW REVIEWS

Spoiler Warning and TW: homophobia, child sexual abuse, sexual assault

TharnType Rating: 5/10

These boys can kiss. If you want me to boil down the appeal of this show, that would be it. I said in my intro that this series struck gold with its two leads, and it’s true. Mew Suppasit and Gulf Kanawut look like they want to devour each other for every moment that they’re on screen together. They also go in full force on the bed scenes, of which there are quite a few, starting early in the series and continuing through until the end.

Often in BLs, the acting can seem stilted and the relationship forced. It’s easy to tell that you’re watching two straight men just giving it their best effort for a job. I think that’s why this series gained such a huge following. Well, the chemistry, the skinship, and of course, the fact that both leads are gorgeous. 

It’s probably not for the plot, which is...gibberish and occasionally offensive. The author of the story, MAME, seems to have only one trick up her sleeve for creating drama: rape. I talked about my frustration with this when I reviewed another MAME original in the same universe, Love By Chance. 

The very premise of the story is confusing, because we are supposed to believe that gorgeous, talented, kind Tharn has fallen in love with Type, who spends the first two episodes making Tharn’s life hell after Type finds out he’s gay. But...why though? I know he’s handsome, but Type is homophobic, abusive, and borderline psychotic in those first few episodes. What the hell does Tharn see in him? 

That’s what I mean by the premise being faulty. If I don’t believe in the foundation of the relationship, how can I become invested in it? There’s a very easy way to solve this problem: spend the first episode or two establishing the friendship between Tharn and Type and the way they interact as roommates. Then when it all falls apart after Type learns about Tharn’s orientation, at least Tharn’s crush on him would make sense. 

Instead, there’s a throwaway line in Type’s voiceover in the opening moments of the first episode saying that he and his new roommate Tharn are friends, and that’s it. We don’t even see them interact before Type finds out he’s gay and goes nuts.

Tharn is set up to be the sympathetic character, enduring Type’s bullying, even as he can see that Type has feelings for him that he’s hiding. However, in the second episode, Tharn takes advantage of a drunk and passed out Type. He doesn’t have sex with him, but he does touch his body without consent, and then give Type a hickey on his neck as a prank. And then in the next episode, he follows Type into the shower and proceeds to give him a blowjob. Type tries to push Tharn away, but eventually gives in.

(not pictured: enthusiastic consent)

And again, because Mew and Gulf go for broke during these types of scenes, the sex is really hot. However, that helps mask the fact that Tharn definitely forces himself onto Type. 

We soon learn that Type’s hatred of gay people stems from the fact that he was sexually abused by a man when he was very young. This scene is shown non-explicitly in a flashback. 

It really does seem like MAME believes this sad backstory is enough for us to forgive Type for his truly horrifying behavior. In fact, that’s all this bit of character development does. Once Type tells Tharn and cries on Tharn’s shoulder, he promptly forgets about it for the rest of the series. No more nightmares, no more panic attacks, no more PTSD. That child abuse plotline served its purpose of excusing Type’s homophobia, and then it’s tossed aside. 

People have told me many times that I should stop taking these shows so seriously. But how am I expected not to take it seriously when the show presents such a serious topic? If you only want to be a silly, pleasant BL, then you need to focus on silly, pleasant things. An author doesn’t get to choose these heavy subjects and then wave away criticism because it’s ‘just BL.’ At least, that’s my own opinion.

And all that finally leads us to Tar. Tar is Tharn’s ex-boyfriend in high school. If you are familiar with Love By Chance, then you know what happened to him. In high school, he was gang-raped and then forced to hide the truth and break up with Tharn. 

Again, MAME has a very limited toolkit. This time, the gang-rape of a child is used to illustrate the lengths to which a character will go to keep Tharn all to himself. This fact could have been just as effectively conveyed without resorting to rape. Blackmail of a different variety would have been enough. But since she did insist on going this route, it was up to her to see it through to the conclusion, which she did not do. 

None of the faceless people who committed the crime, nor the mastermind who hired them all and then recorded them to blackmail Tar, see any consequences. There is a filmed confession and attempted murder and yet...nothing. No one calls the police. It’s never even considered. 

And then there’s Type’s big plan to make Tharn believe they broke up so that Type could catch the bad guy. I can accept it because Type isn’t the brightest bulb in the pack, so maybe he really does think this is the only option.

However, his explanation is that Type needed Tharn to look devastated so that he won’t make the bad guy suspicious. However, then Tharn really is devastated, so he goes home, where he refuses to speak to anyone anyway. So why was Type emotionally destroying his boyfriend worth it? For the drama, I guess. Hey, at least he didn’t rape him. 

But my god  can these men kiss.

 And there are these little moments, where Type tries to be tough around Tharn, but he can’t help smiling at his boyfriend being sweet. They make my whole heart grow. 

If you are prepared for the less savory bits of this show, I’d say it’s worth it for the scenes with Tharn and Type being cute or sexy or cute and sexy together. 

And if you’re interested in fanfic, I put together rec lists for multiple BL shows including this one that can be found here and here. 

MASTERLIST OF BL SHOW REVIEWS

(Send me an ask if you have a show you’d like me to review - with the understanding that I will be completely honest - or if there’s anything you think I forgot or got wrong in this review.) 

[legobiwan]

So somehow I managed to binge all of Santa Clarita Diet in the past two weeks.

Blame the treadmill.

I was not expecting to enjoy this show at all. Santa Clarita? Yeck. Diet? Double-yeck. 

I mean, I actively avoided it for months and then I finally gave in after seeing it show up on about three different “underappreciated series” lists. 

The initial vomiting scene was a lot to take in, have to admit. I almost bailed right then between that and the prototypical suburban setup. Also, because I had no idea what was going on. 

And despite these reservations, I persevered. Which, I suppose, makes me (and I might guess audience), very much like Joel. (And now I finally know who Timothy Olyphant is and he is decidedly not Timothy Omundson which had been a point of confusion for a few months.)

The first season was, by far, the most charming, the mix of “how do we uphold the facade of our upper-class suburban life” also while “how do we cover up a murder we were woefully underequipped to execute” reaching a pitch-perfect balance. I really enjoyed the underlying message of “beneath even most perfect veneer, we are all imperfect and capable of being our best and worst selves.” Plus, the humor surrounding these “Central Casting get me a suburban couple asap” going around hacking people up was delightful.

And yet, there is some world-building in this show. The Knights of Serbia. The Bile. Mr. Ball Legs. Where were they going with all of this? Netflix really picked a bad moment to axe the series, I’m hoping they pick it up again.

Okay, okay, but zombies (yes, that’s discriminatory, I know) and murder aside - 

I’m usually not into the whole suburban marriage and one kid setting but not only did the twist work, this show actually portrays the difficult and quirky ins and outs of a long-term relationship pretty well. The long-standing arguments no one is going to win. Compromise. The ability to be in a unit and yet be two different people with different strengths and different interests.  Joel and Sheila’s communication is really a point worth pondering, even when they are keeping things from each other. They, surprisingly, have a pretty solid marriage, which only strengthens after Sheila turns.

And this is coming from someone who is pretty aro/not into romance.

I almost fell off the chair when Juliet O’Hara threatened to kick someone’s sexual organs up their throats. (Not to mention Eric was young!Shawn in Psych, as well.)

Okay, so Pilot!Joel and...Later!Joel

The man’s hair got character development, I mean, honestly.

Season 3, while fun, I think missed the charm of the other neighbors in reaching for a more ambitious plotline - although maybe that was going to be the point.

But the themes of this show - love, acceptance, embracing and being your true self and what even is the true self and has society caused us all to erect a fake personality to better “fit in.” What is the definition of bravery? And does the knowledge of our death define how we live our lives? Questions I would not expect of a zombie-dramedy,

Season 2 and season 3 saw some of the characterizations become a little less subtle - especially when it came to Joel. I was so glad to see him crossbow Poplović, that was a good moment and he needed it, I think his development had been a little stagnant for a while.

Other things I like about this show - the absolute way it just went with queer relationships. The biggest issue between Lisa and Anne wasn’t them being gay/bi/pan, it was religion.

Gary finding a purpose in his work after begging to be killed was...oddly touching?

I enjoyed that no one in this show is without fault. Joel equivocates, Sheila is impulsive, Abby is brash, Eric is timid, etc. etc. The characters are very well-developed.

 Apparently, the person who plays Abby Hammond is enby? No wonder they’re awesome on the show.

Is Santa Clarita Diet a deep show? Yes and no. I found the moments when Sheila was exploring what it meant to embrace her “true” self - whatever that means - to really click. Is the show entertaining and hilarious? Hell. yes. 

My two favorite moments:

and

[incomprehensiblelentils]

@dollsome-does-tumblr​ does this and opened it up to anyone and I am feeling chatty today SO!

Because I co-write a lot with my lovely wife, I might answer some questions including those co-written stories, or I might not, depends on how I feel when I get there.

name:

Megan but I go by Lentils most places on the internet, Shadowcrawler over on AO3

fandoms:

at the moment: MCU, especially Agents of SHIELD and Daredevil; Terminator: Dark Fate; Halt and Catch Fire. Oh and I wrote Dollhouse fanfics a thousand years ago. Sometimes I will watch a movie/show and think “those two girls should be gay” and bang out 2k of fic about it and then never write for that fandom again. (I THOUGHT this was going to be HACF but as it turns out, no, it’s not done with me yet.)

where you post:

AO3, at Shadowcrawler. I also have a tumblr @lentils-writes​ where theoretically I post links to fics/advertise them in the tags, because I used to be real precious about not putting porn on this blog, but fuck it.

most popular multi-chapter fic:

Co-written, it’s definitely mallverse, which is I think the reason most writers definitely hate us because it’s very long and there are a lot of tags lmao. The problem is that every tagged character HAS shown up in a significant fashion at some point so we can’t just...untag them! It doesn’t update weekly anymore because we’re exhausted by life lmao so at least there’s that???

As for a multi-chapter fic that was just me, I don’t tend to do that so much, so actually it’s say you will, my 3-chapter Endgame fix-it where Clint dies instead of Natasha and Natasha and Laura have a past. It actually has over 1000 hits which is very exciting! I feel like it’s...niche in a way that is frustrating but understandable lol. I put a lot of my heart into it and some people really liked it, so that’s gratifying.

favorite story you’ve written so far:

Co-written, I think our SHIELD Dollhouse AU is very underrated for the amount of work we put into it. Author bias evident here because I love Dollhouse warts and all, and it’s a lot of fun translating episode plots as well as the general trajectory of the show into stuff that will work with SHIELD characters. We don’t just rewrite episodes, we really try and rework them as needed. Also it features both Skimmons and my beloved rarepair Bobbi/Kara, though of course they won’t get together until later.

Of my own stuff, I’m still really really proud of the AU where Kara Palamas didn’t die. I think that was a pretty severe misstep of the show and I think I did a good job of fixing it. (I haven’t forgotten Kara, promise!)

fic you were nervous to post:

lolololol I wrote some uh. Terminator pornography last year and. They are very porny! I had co-written a bunch of smut obviously, but that was the first time I’d posted like, PWP all by myself on purpose??? and that was TERRIFYING. Also I was very nervous to post the Engame fix-it because that was my own personal goodbye/tribute to Natasha.

how you choose your titles:

They are always either song lyrics or jokes (such as Three Lawyers and a Baby, my Daredevil Accidental Baby Acquisition fic). My WIP docs are always titled either obvious shit like “RoseJannah horse girls” or memes like “what if we belonged to a fire cult and we fucked haha just kidding unless...?” or “Morgan has two mommies.”

do you outline?:

B and I typically outline for the co-written fics, although it’s more often chapter-by-chapter outlines since that’s how we write them. On occasion we’ve fully planned multi-chapter stuff out in advance but that’s less common. Oh and the one-shots are nearly always outlined as well, just to keep ourselves organized.

When I have written planned multi-chapter fics in the past I have used outlines - particularly for the Kara one and I had to do that for the SHIELD Kill Bill AU because I was trying to follow the format of the movie. For things that are allegedly supposed to be one-shots I almost never outline, which turns out to be a terrible idea when they inevitably balloon beyond my control and become 45k like say you will. That one, I wrote out a list of scenes I thought needed to be in it and then I wrote about 75% of those scenes and then I wrote a bunch more scenes I hadn’t planned for. Don’t be like me, kids!

complete fics:

According to AO3, 89 as of right now. Uh, you do not want me to list all of them, here’s a link, I guess!

in progress:

I don’t understand what the difference is between this question and the WIP questions lmao help????

posted WIPs that I have active plans to continue at this time:

Cowritten: mallverse as I said, and its femslash smut oneshots spinoff and character flashbacks spinoff and older characters/teachers spinoff (these get updated, uh, irregularly), the first half of a Piper/Snowflake SHIELD s7 fic that we are planning on finishing the second half of soonish, SHIELD Dollhouse AU, SHIELD Teen Beach AU, SHIELD Buffy AU. You may notice a pattern!

By myself, I have: Have Your Elf a Merry Little Christmas, a Terminator Hallmark Christmas fic that I ambitiously posted the first chapter of in 2019 and then lost steam immediately (I am going to go back to it sooner or later bc I had some cute ideas for it); the SHIELD Fate of the Furious AU that has one chapter to go and which I do intend on finishing eventually; Three Lawyers and a Little Lady, the Daredevil Accidentally Baby Acquisition AU that is literally just cute kidfic and poly avocados and which I have a bunch of ideas for and just need to buckle down and finish some.

posted WIPs that I have given up on:

Lol so there’s a Dollhouse Caroline/Bennett Doctor Who AU that I wrote purely as idfic and which nobody ever cared about except me, and I think that ship has sailed! RIP darlings. I also had an ongoing Skimmons series waaaay back when where I posted oneshots that were like missing scenes or gay readings for each s1 episode, and I just feel like it would be inauthentic to even try and finish it at this point. (It does include the first ever Skimmons fic to be posted on AO3! Really truly, there’s one fic that shows up as older but it’s an ongoing fic and was updated with the tag way after I posted mine.)

exchange fics due soon/unrevealed:

I haven’t done an exchange since like 2015 lololol I am so bad at them. I am currently working on finishing up my MCU Femslash bingo card, very late, and I do have plans for almost all of the remaining squares!

WIPs that live in my fanfic folder and are incomplete and who knows when they’ll be finished:

“RoseJannah horse girls,” which has been put on hold temporarily but is literally just Rose and Jannah being gay while riding orbaks

half of a Daisy/Gwen fic from Marvel Rising because I know they’re not making any more of those but I stg those two were really gay

multiple fics about Elise Nelson-Page including: avocados Halloween with smol Elise, Aunt Elektra very reluctantly taking smol Elise shopping until she realizes smol Elise also likes weapons (she buys her a fake katana), Uncle Frank is a pushover and spoils the shit out of Elise, and baby Elise has a high fever and everyone freaks out but then she gets better and smile at them for the first time (inspired by baby me lol).

coming soon/not yet started:

“Morgan has two mommies,” yet another Endgame fix-it where Maya Hansen did not die in Iron Man 3 and she resurfaces and she and Pepper kiss and eventually she adopts Morgan

Claire and Colleen go on a nice date to get coffee/tea where Danny doesn’t interrupt them goddammit

Bobbi/Kara Warehouse 13 AU which is sort of like “For the Team” but gayer ft. grappling hook

X-Men: Evolution Tabby/Amara fluff

Cameron/Donna character study disguised as smut

Grace proposes to Dani with a ring made out of the metal from her power source and Carl officiates the wedding 

Dani gets horny watching Grace eat a peach and jerks off and Grace ends up hearing her and then they fuck (I have been calling this “the peach fic” in my head but I gotta stop being delicate about it lmfao it is just porn)

B and I have plans to do a Nico/Karolina Jasper in Deadland AU but we keep forgetting

I MUST WRITE FOGGY AND KAREN SADLY FUCKING IN A CHURCH WHILE THEY MOURN MATT THIS YEAR I STG

do you accept prompts:

uhhhhhh I have on occasion written a prompt for someone before but it’s pretty rare and I have enough trouble writing the shit I come up with in my own head lol. but never say never?

upcoming story you are most excited to write:

I’ve got a bit of the Bobbi/Kara Warehouse fic written and it’s nice to go back to that world. Also I’m weirdly excited about the Cam/Donna smutty character study I mentioned above, I have a lot of what I think are good ideas for it and it’ll be fun.

tagging @unwind-myself @swiftzeldas @swashbucklery @loved-the-stars-too-fondly and, if you want to, you!

[meta-squash]

Brick Club 1.2.12 “The Bishop At Work”

I can’t help but see the beginning of this chapter in the style of, like, a late 90s or early 00′s British comedy show. I think specifically it’s Myriel saying “yes” and then Hugo telling us that he had just found the basket, as if Myriel says “yes” having absolutely no idea where the basket is or that it was missing at all, then takes two steps forward and goes “Ah! Here it is!” And then Madam Magloire looking down at it and back up at him and down at the basket again before saying “Yes, but there’s nothing in it.”

Anyway, enough of my imagining Les Mis as a ridiculous Father Ted-style sitcom. (I think this might be @secretmellowblog‘s fault, after I read their amazing buddy cop/reverse robbery crack fic, I’m thinking in comedy.)

I like looking up stupid minutiae when it comes up in the brick, so cochlearia des Guillons is apparently scurvy-grass, which is a kind of mustard flower that seems like it would be native to an area like Digne.

And on to the actual meat of the chapter.

Magloire again points out the danger to her and to Mlle. Baptistine, as well as to Myriel: “and yet what a blessing he did nothing but steal!” There are so many instances of implied-murder in this part of the story. Valjean himself asking Myriel if he thinks he’s a murderer, the implication that Valjean’s miner’s drill could be a murder weapon, and now Magloire’s suggestion that it’s a blessing he didn’t kill any of them. It’s interesting because I feel like murder is something even post-prison Valjean wouldn’t be capable of? I mean, Hugo established that in the last chapter, since Valjean stands by Myriel for a long time before stealing the silver.

And then he’s caught, just because “he was acting like a convict.” I’m not really sure what that means or entails? Also, here is another instance of someone being held by the collar that is not a Javert-related action.

It is only at this moment, when he’s dragged back by the gendarmes, that Valjean realizes Myriel isn’t just a curé, but a bishop. This scene makes me wonder: would Valjean have told his “this is what a bishop is” story had he known who Myriel was? I almost believe he still would have; at that point he hadn’t received enough kind treatment to really make him second guess certain things, like accidentally-on-purpose insulting a man of the cloth.

Valjean talking to himself here is so interesting. He “talks to himself” a lot in later parts of the book, but they’re all while he’s alone and it seems sort of implied that it’s an inner dialogue, not that he’s literally mumbling to himself. And yet here, he is quite literally talking to himself and others can hear him. Like I said before, it reminds me so much of Eponine.

Oh man I have a lot of feelings about this moment of Myriel giving Valjean the silver but mostly I’ve just been thinking about how important it is for the bishop himself. In 1.1.6 it specifically mentions that the silver cutlery is the only thing left of his former possessions, and that “it would be difficult for him to give up eating with silver.” And later, in 1.1.10, we get G---’s long monologue criticizing the way that he perceives bishops to be, “a prince of the church...covered with gold, insignia, and wealth...” He’s not totally correct when it comes to Myriel, but Myriel was also unable to receive G---’s blessing before he died.

This giving up of the silver, not just the cutlery but the candlesticks as well, is Myriel letting go of the last of his “lavish” things. He has nothing from his former life and nothing (physical) to distinguish himself from any other poor citizen of Digne. He has now truly proven G---’s assumption wrong (or perhaps now truly aligned himself with G---’s ideals? I’m not sure how he would look at it). We also don’t hear from the bishop directly ever again. Even the sight of Valjean at his doorway in the next chapter is seen from the perspective of a passerby. But this transition isn’t just a change for Valjean (although his is the largest and most intense change), it’s also a transition for the bishop. It’s almost as if this is the moment he is truly realized as the fullest extent of himself? While at this very moment he is encouraging Valjean to become an honest man and also realize his own potential self.

And then Myriel uses the same massive-lie-that-is-also-a-suggestion technique that he had just used on the gendarmes, on Valjean. “...you have promised me to use this silver to become an honest man.” It feels weirdly insidious here, though? Like, lying to cops is great. Also it wasn’t a lie that affected the gendarmes directly. But Myriel taking Valjean’s soul is just so....I don’t know....intrusive? Like in modern day when someone in the city starts praying like...on you because you look gay? Just very, like, I did not ask for this, what are you doing.

Conversely, however, it’s almost as if Myriel does this to take the effort out of Valjean making a choice. Taking that big leap into deciding to become good can take a lot of willpower and personal strength, and then having enough strength to follow through with that decision in future is probably even harder. So I could see the argument for Myriel’s actions from this angle. He takes away that hard decision for Valjean, so that Valjean can focus all his mental and emotional strength on the actual acts and thoughts that are required to start becoming good. If his reaction to Petit Gervais tells us anything, I think that had the choice still been there for him, he might have gone with instinct. But because Myriel has taken that choice from him, he has the moment of realization about how terrible that instinct is, and then it takes all his energy to confront that fact.

[breakingbadfics]

Thought Experiment Part 3

Do it again, my way.  

So this one gives me a degree of creative libery because I’m adhering to a simple premise of “give rey a girlfriend and eventually get to the point where they can beat the tar out of kylo ren.” 

There is no “rogue sith” outlier in my version of this story and so my version of “The Sith Resurgence” wouldn’t even be named that. but I’ll continue to refer to it as “my version” simple for ease of use. 

The story begins With Han Solo, Chewbacca, and a girl. they’re in a piece of shit ship that they’ve been using while they hunt down the millenium falcon. 

This girl is simply refered to as “Kara” 

The story of episode 7 plays out as it had in the movie. up until Rey and Finn meet Han and Chewie, this is the reveal of Kara proper and the eventual reveal that Kara is in fact running with Han and Chewie because her father Luke Skywalker entrusted her to them. 

Yeah we’re going there. Mara Jade is canon in this version of the story, She and Luke had a baby. The eventual reveal being that Kara was increcibly young and hadn’t begun any force training when things went south with Ben Solo, and Mara Jade died protecting her child as a building collapsed in on her. 

Racked with guilt over failing Ben Solo, and Leia. Luke chooses to go into seclusion, and (while a bit fucked up) chooses to hand Kara over to his sister and brother in law knowing that they’ll lead her right and it’s really the only thing he can think of that would even start to make up for screwing up with Ben.

Kara Skywalker takes heavily off Han having spent a large chunk of her life with him, she’s exceptionally care free, an exceptional shot when given the chance but has the kind of take no shit attitude from Leia. She’s been living under the assumption her real father died in an accident she’s too young to remember, but is suddenly shocked with surprise to find that not only is he not dead but the primary goal of the Resistance is to find her dad so she leaps at the chance to join Rey and Finn 

Kara is also the first to get the crush on Rey, and Kara tends to be a more grounding empathetic kind of source for Rey who would over the sort be more angry with things. 

We also don’t mince words here, Kara’s gay, Rey has never had a relationship with anyone long enough to realy know what she likes, but she likes Kara. and they’re in a relationship somewhere between the ending of 7 and 8. Kara is the one who declares her feelings and Rey wants to try. 

The Majority of the events of Episode 7 playout as normal but keep the aspects that foreshadow the forcebond. Then on top of that  this version of the story we’re going to make Kylo Ren a threat. regularly showing off just how often he’s willing to make examples of everyone around him to the point that the scene where he force chokes a dude after he proceeds to carry him by the throat out into the front to display his death to a bunch of other first order officers to make a show of it. if you are going to have Kylo Ren be a piece of shit scum of the galaxy bad guy, you make him do the bad guy shit. 

Han Solo Dies and now it’s compounded. This is a man who’s now a father figure to two young women; Rey and Kara, and with the latter being much more closely tied to him, witnessing the death of the man who raised her being a galvanizing event that makes he have zero empathy for her cousin. 

The events of episode 7 end in roughly the same fashion with that leg of the story ending with Kara and Rey staying with the resistance until Finn is no longer in a coma. 

Episode 8 begins with Rey and Kara participating in the easrly space battle and the bombing run at the start...well I’m split between it doesn’t happen at all, or it’s happening with out a hitch. So I guess for the sake of things they remain more or less the same. 

Meanwhile Finn comes out of his coma, Rey and Kara grab him and they shoot off to find Luke Skywalker. 

Meanwhile Poe ends up getting tagged up with Rose. Rose having a lot of words to say to poe and a lot of things to guilt him for. He is in effect responsible for her sister dying and she’s basically going to stay stuck on him, during this event they both decide to go find the master code cracker on canto bight. 

We get to Ahch-to. 

Theres a lot of emotion. Anger, sadness, screaming. This is the reuniting of a father and daughter. the daughter having trhought her whole life her was dead. There ids a lot to go over 

assume a couple of chapters are devoted to explaining everything from luke to kara, and rey, and everything involving Ben Solo. 

This is also the formal introduction of the force bond. The Force Bond serves the same literary purpose and ultimately creates the same kind of back and forth that Rey and Kylo Ren are able to speak to one another, but not physically interact. While still antagonistic it does allow them to have a slightly better angle at “Seeing each others point” but it’s made very understood that Rey has zero romantic desires towards Ben Solo, that said, it’s also a little less likely that Ben Solo is going to die. 

Canto Bight goes like this Rose and Poe go looking for the master code cracker, and...get both. The Benicio Del Toro, and the weird sauve dude. the fake cracker and the real one present two sides of neutrality. during interactions Poe and Rose find out that The true master code cracker has accepted jobs from both the resistance and the first order on more than one occasion, never once informing one or the other of how he refuses to stick to one side and boldly showing pride in how he’s taking advantage of both sides, the del toro cracker is...what you saw  in the movie, the guy pushing the whole “the only smart move is to not bother trying to get involved, and when you do get out as quick as you can”  Rose and Poe hate both of them equally, and they both die before episode 8 is over. 

Episode 8 ends similiar to the movie but with some changes minor and major. it’s both Kara and Rey that help the resistance escape from the first order, both of them doing the clearing rocks with the force thing. This is effectively the moment they cement theirselves as a couple. 

and second Luke doesn’t die. There’s no overlying reason. I just don’t think Luke has to die. 

Well there’s one. sometime around chapter 30 of the sith resurgence there’s a discussion had with the protagonists where there’s mention of who knows how many force sensitives are actually in the resistance and have never known it, and this is brought up as a cool “maybe we can do something with that” which is very hastily dashed away because the only person capable of teaching the force is Aliana and Leia dislikes her, so the idea is tabled. 

So in my hypothetical Luke doesn’t die and basically goes on to start training Finn, Rey, Kara, and a handful of students pulled from both in the ranks of the resistance. it’s recognized that he himself is fallible and that he should not be seen as the be all-end all of the jedi philosophy, only someone who gets the ball rolling

Episode 9 shows that Kylo Ren assumes what he believes to be his true nature and rises to the ranks of Sith lord, submerging himself in the teachings of all kinds of sith lord holocrons. Though it’s slow, arduous, and difficult when every once in a while he’s pulled back when Rey talks to him as Ben. 

Rey and Ben’s relationship should be understood as complicated, but when I say complicated, I mean there’s a strained notion of listening to each other but taking a heaping of salt along with it. Rey does not take shit at all, she recognizes that Kylo Ren’s identity is a security blanket designed to make him look strong. through the times they see and talk to each other using the force bond she very frequently talks over him and through him, she doesn’t call him kylo ren, she doesn’t accept him as Kylo Ren.  Rey is effectively in charge when they talk. However sooner or later something cracks and Ben becomes human...kinda. Rey does not consider Ben her friend, nor does she feel put upon to try and redeem him. 

More that Rey realises Ben might not be totally in control of his actions

The events of this version of episode 9 are much more personal. more contained. it’s obvious that the first order are going to lose, but everyone is waiting to basically find out what they’ll do as their last ditch effort. 

The plan? a last ditch effort to take out corruscant, destroy the entire galactic republic by way of eliminating the entire governing body. 

How are they going to do it? The Death Star. Kinda. 

So the first order very quietly start scavenging and eventually found themselves pulling the debris and other things off the Second Death Star, They rebuild the Super Laser, it can only fire once, and there’s a 50% chance that the things will explode, cuasing unknowably large amounts of collateral damage. 

Hux has checked out mentally. Phasma is quietly planning a coup because holy shit the supreme leader is suicidal. 

And he is suicidal by the way. 

Ben Solo is possessed. By what? The ghost of Snoke. It’s a very gray area but Snoke, like any abusive parent figure wants to live vicariously through their child, and in being killed by Ben at the end of episode 8 allowed him to do so very literally. 

because lets go all the way in with how blunt this metaphor for being manipulated into hate groups can be 

The stories final battle is effectively setting over corruscant, a complete mess of an affair with the planet doing what it can to evacuate, the fully ammassed Republic and Resistance forces fighting against a first order with nothing to lose and have fully embraced their existence as a suicide cult. 

Ben Solo, and Snoke fight each other mentally, while fighting Rey and Kara. There are Knights of Ren, who are fully aware of the situation with Kylo Ren, so there’s this huge fight where our three story focuses are fighting each other, while also occasionally fighting the villains henchmen, who are also occasionally trying to beat the shit out of Ben when he wrestles control of his body. 

Kylo Ren is killed. Snokes spirit dies. Rey stabs him through the stomach, and pull it out through his side. 

Ben Solo lives. 

In the end Kara is the one who chooses to use the Force healing tactic to heal Ben Solo. citing simply that he has no reason to not live, be that turning himself over to the authorities, trying to rework himself. The simple point is he has to attone in some way, and that isn’t by dying. 

The story ends with Rey and Kara celebrating, the republic and the resistance celebrate victory. 

The end. 

I’ve been working on this for days and it feels rushed here and there and I ‘m trying to not sweat to much detail on somehting dumb like this. 

[kaypeace21]

The Duffers use of music proves byler is endgame (music-analysis)

The Duffers in an interview said that they choose songs for the show very deliberately -sometimes spending weeks on Spotify to find just the right song to convey an emotion/context of a scene. Songs in all seasons (but especially in s3) were used to show how characters are feeling- or just an action they’re about to commit.

For instance, Karen when she’s about to meet Billy at the motel-  feels apprehensive and wants to get out of it (since it would hurt her family) and she was just flirting with Billy as a way to escape her own issues, about her life. She never flirted with Billy for the end-goal of “getting him.”

They even use “cat’s in the cradle’ which could be shown as a way to illustrate the inappropriate age disparity between Billy/Karen.

Other examples-

Right before the boys run away from the lingerie store- the lyrics are literally “I just walk away” XD

Jim when he looks at Joyce- the lyrics are “she’s got you.” ( cause he’s in love with her).

-And Jim after getting Mike to not come over to see El, (by yelling at him) sings…

Joyce after she sees Bob’s drawing fall to the ground and then crouches to pick it up.

And songs also illustrates how Nancy feels about her job (with her sexist co-workers). As the morose lyrics of “I’ll be working here forever” play as it zooms in on Hawkins post -as Nancy rushes inside.

As well as  her excitement -about investigating a new case. As Jancy leaves and the very on the nose song  of “get up and go” begins -as they get into the car.

Billy when he pulls out chloroform (from a perfume bottle).

El after dumping Mike (and smiling about it) XD

So all the byler stuff I’m about to mention proves byler is endgame.

So yes, the fact that the very first lyrics that play when we see mileven kiss for the first time  is “Just a little uncertainty can bring you down”- reflects that (just like the others, the song reflects Mike’s true feelings). The song is from the album “boy in the box (cough closet)”.

And we know this is how Mike (not El) feels about their relationship because he begins to sing the song right after this lyric. It mirrors how when Will danced with a girl (who owned a rainbow hair clip) the lyrics were “every smile you fake.”

Mike continues “And nobody wants to know you now. And nobody wants to show you how.So if you’re lost and on your own. You can never surrender.” He fears that if he isn’t straight everyone he cares about will abandon him, and that he’d be lost and the only one ‘like this’ -all alone.But he can’t ‘surrender’ the false-idea of being in love with El (out of fear).  El even says to “stop” and tries to cover his mouth to prevent him from singing and Mike asks “What you don’t like it?” and El just says “No!”.

Which may be a purposeful juxtaposition to how Robin came out- and instead both Robin and Steve sang off-tune happily together- while El covers Mike’s mouth and tells him to stop singing. When Mileven kiss at the end of the season the song ‘the first i love you’ plays. The same song that plays when Robin comes out to steve (to illustrate the juxtaposition).

What’s interesting is ( right before the mileven kiss) we see a zoom in shot of a picture of Will and a rainbow . Like that’s Will! He has light brown hair (not black) and Will is the only one associated with fire and has drawn himself with fire in the past.

And since El has Mike related-stuff all over her room, and barely knows Will. Mike probably lied saying it was supposed to be him- which is why it’s above her bed.And we also see that based on it’s placement Mike is facing the Will drawing so he can see it  (cause we see El in front of the poster and Mike sitting opposite of her during the 1st kiss) . 

And during this transition the lyrics read “cause just a little more time could open closing doors” Which could be hinting at byler becoming a thing later - when (after some ‘time’) they both become ready to actually admit their feelings/sexuality - despite the other probably doubting the other has feelings for them.

I mean we even see an illustration of Will & the text of the name ‘Mike’ written out next to a rainbow-heart. And 2 other drawings next to the rainbow heart drawing (that are covered in red hearts). XD

(*for those who can’t see Mike written out in the transitioned will/mike pic)

However, what’s interesting though is the one other things he took down from his wall. In S1 Mike (before he even met El)  has a heart sign, with a red heart being propelled by a rainbow. Then in s3 it's gone from his wall when he dates El (cause he's trying to repress the fact he's gay). Why El has a drawing that says Mike (with a heart also propelled by a rainbow.) He can't use El to escape the truth. His rainbow follows him everywhere even when he tries to hide it (from his basement wall and himself) -  and when kissing El!Aka he tries to take it down (like he pretends to be straight). However, in the first ep of s3 when Mike is making-out with El (trying to project his feelings for Will on to her by looking at the Will drawing while kissing) we see a emergence of the heart being propelled by a rainbow (in El’s room) as a drawing.  signifying Mike participating in compulsory-heterosexuality,  and the fact no matter how hard he tries- he’s not straight!

Also El’s reaction to the song - hints that this isn’t actually her mixtape. But one that Mike made for her. or Will made for Mike (since jon makes mixtapes and prob taught him how- Will in s3 gave a mixtape to Dustin so it would not surprise me if he gave one to Mike).

So similar to the drawing, the mixtape hints at byler’s feelings

  ‘I can’t fight this feeling’ (which mileven makes out to later). Actually indicates Mike fighting his feelings for Will. And how he’s been trying to fight his feelings for Will, all season.

Besides the lyrics themselves- the singer literally went on record about the song’s meaning . Which is about a boy being in love/pinning over his friend of many years and never thinking he had a chance at being with them (and being afraid he’d ruin the relationship if he confessed)- but slowly thinking he could  be with them (and that they might feel the same way about him) . And in the song the 2 people AREN’T even together yet!

“Oh, I can’t fight this feeling any longer. And yet I’m still afraid to let it flow. What started out this friendship has grown stronger, I only wish I had the strength to let it show. I tell myself that I can’t hold out forever .I said there is no reason for my fear ‘Cause I feel so secure when we’re together ‘.You give my life direction. You make everything so clear. And even as I wander I’m keeping you in sight. You’re a candle in the window on a cold, dark winter’s night. And I’m getting closer than I ever thought I might”

This makes no sense for mileven who kissed after knowing each other for a week and who didn’t have a long established friendship, beforehand. And who also are already together (and not afraid to express their ‘romantic feelings’ for each other).

Then in s2, mileven dance to ‘every breath you take’ a break up song about a stalker ex. The writer of the song also has said many times “it’s NOT a love song.” The duffers obviously knew that. Lumax also danced to it and Lucas was called a ‘stalker’. El also stalked Mike in s2 (all that stuff milevens found romantic- El watching him without him knowing. Mike says he was not ok with it in s3). And in s3 he said not to do that and she just says ‘i make my own rules’. Not to mention Nancy teaching Dustin how to dance is a direct parallel to Mike teaching El. 

Mike also tries to act like Dustin, and  forces Will to dance with a girl (who’s wearing a rainbow hair clip). Trying to be a good sport like Dustin is about lumax. And right after this we see Dustin look sad about Max/Lucas dancing and Mike (next to Dustin) look sadly at Will/girl dancing in the same exact frame as Max/Lucas. As they switch between these 2 shots to emphasize their sadness/jealousy.Then they both sit down (mirroring each other) on the verge of tears before Nancy and El show up to comfort them and distract them.  As El once again (presumably) wears Nancy dress. Mike “you cant go with your sister… i mean you can but it’d be really weird.”

Also in regards to Will- when I heard they were going to have the song ‘Never ending story’ I wondered if they were going to re-contextualize one line in particular to be a hint at Will’s queerness. And shock- they did it! XD

The lyric is “ Rhymes that keep their secrets will unfold behind the clouds and there upon a rainbow Is the answer to a never ending story. ”

And of course Will is the one with a secret- that is ‘rainbow’ related. And they pan to him during the “secrets” line. I think Will is less in the denial phase than Mike is and already knows he’s gay and in love with him.

And this wasn’t a coincidence because when Lumax makes fun of Dustin they sing the lyrics incorrectly as  “The mirror of your dreams. Rhymes that keep their secrets…” And it pans to Will AGAIN!

We see Will obscured in shadows to represent he’s “hiding”.

And then he appears in the light, looking sadly at D&D as the lyrics , “rhymes that keep their secrets” is sang (again).

And we see he’s specifically looking at the d&d game sadly and about to give it away- since they zoom in on the game title (before he places it in the “donation” box). 

Because the d&d game is used to reflect his desires (like a “mirror”) . It’s the ‘mirror of his dreams’- to be with Mike. Cue Mike saying “ what did you think,really? That we were never gonna get girlfriends? We were just gonna sit in my basement all day and play games for the rest of our lives?” And poor Will  just responding with “Yeah, I guess I did. I really did.”

This lyric about the mirror is NOT in the original song. It was used once again to establish D&D as a romantic symbol for byler. Just like how they zoomed in on d&d right before the romantic “crazy together” speech.

Mike in s3 says “Blank makes you crazy… y’know like the word (love).” Flo in s1 says “ Only love makes you that crazy and that stupid.” Cue Will calling himself “stupid” 4 times (after Mike says they won’t be together playing games for the rest of their lives-and ripping up the Halloween pic , out of heart-break).

(x)

So again right after we see the zoom-in of the game (another romantically coded scene happens after). Will puts the game in the ‘donation’ pile - and Mike isn’t happy about it.

Mike: “WHOA, dude, that’s the donation box.”

Will: “ I know, I’ll just use yours,  when I come back. (pause) if WE still want to play?”

( translation: “I love and want to be with you but I’m not going to pursue you and get my heart broken again. Because even if I feel like you love me… I can’t trust my own instincts about how you truly feel anymore. If you want to play this ‘game of love’  with me you have to initiate/participate in the game properly.” Mike when fixated on El even says it was a cool campaign but  “we just weren’t in the mood right now.” and  also says to Will “c’mon, let’s play for real”  but Will storms off (not thinking that what Mike said was genuine).  

Mike : “Yeah, but what if you want to join another party?”

(*cough, the other ‘species’/girls, or just someone else: girl, guy or otherwise)

Will: “Not possible.”

(Will will always love Mike, and  admits he wants to be with him for the rest of his life).

(x)

And we actually see the Hopper’s Monologue (where Mike is shown)- reflects what Mike said to Will earlier. Mike does want to love Will but he’s just scared of changing their relationship into something romantic- and even though a part of him doesn’t want things to change, he’s still afraid that Will will move on from him as they both get older. “I’ve been feeling distant from you. Like you’re pulling away from me or something” (Will does this both figuratively/literally). I miss playing board games every night (d &d)”. “But I know you’re getting older, growing, changing. And I guess, if I’m being really honest, that’s what scares me. I don’t want things to change.”

Also the lyric “ Rhymes that keep their secrets will unfold behind the clouds and there upon a rainbow- is the answer to a never ending story. ”

One way or another Will’s secret (of being queer and/or being in love with Mike) will eventually come out. And that’s the answer to this “never ending story” between Will & Mike. Their love story. I mean who else is associated with Will’s story and has loads of rainbow symbolism - and has rainbow symbolism that  specifically connects them to Will?

*Lol don’t even get me started  on analyzing how in s1 when Mike thinks Will is dead- Mike hugs his mom and the lyrics are “and we kiss as though nothing could fall. And the shame.” Which is queer coded and written by David Bowie- and during the s2 “freak” speech- Will even says he’d rather be friends with Bowie than Kenny Roggers.

People need to realize no one is a bigger shipper of byler- than the Duffer brothers themselves! XD

[humanmosquito]

this is definitely gonna be a ramble-y post but i’ll neaten it when i’m done. (edit:  didn’t really but I’m sick of this sitting here already)

I’ve put this under a cut for obvious reasons. There’s more things I didn’t like about this book but I forgot most of the plot immediately after reading it.

Given the usual time skips in Clare’s work you’d think this would be 6 months down the line and Livvy would have been completely forgotten about and is mentioned sporadically to motivate the main characters. 

I’m not really buying the shock of Livvy’s sudden death i would say Clare’s done a job here and she’s certainly tried, but i’m not buying it.

Her treatment of Gay Characters (capitalisation necessary) is bad but so much worse with Alec than any others and i hate reading about her Alec bc of the way she infantilises him. Also has Clare seriously not found any way to solve problems in her own fictional universe without constantly reintroducing the same guy??? (who is also just a bunch of stereotypes of queer men) (Magnus)

you don’t need to use two separate images to describe people moving in the background, it’s fine.

why is Christina using Spanish pet names when we’ve never seen her using Spanish conversationally before? also, ( and this is a very specific thing to to be so worked up about like 4 years after i read it the first time) but why do whatshisname and Christina have to talk in English instead of implying the conversation was in Spanish but had been translated or even mention it at all? (okay, coming back in later to say that she does use Spanish randomly in this book, Clare has a habit of making Latine characters use Spanish randomly to show they’re Latine.

isn’t Mark 20 or something? I’m legitimately confused about these lines.

there’s no need to suddenly start using fancier language for two whole sentences. also you can just say she visited a wax museum or even Just Madame Tussaud’s (which i’m guessing is the place we’re talking about). also: why is all the dialogue in this book so stiff and overly formal? I know they’re in shock and some of them are functionally strangers but it’s still so off from how people normally speak. (I’m willing to excuse the faerie characters because everyone who writes faeries makes them speak super flowery but that’s it)

there’s no break between Mark and Helen’s POV.

 I’m pretty sure than Simon is secular, why is he suddenly sprouting hebrew? (CC makes no effort to show him engaging with judaism in any form and has him Christmas shopping at one point in tmi)

wouldn’t that make it much easier to break in? (this is needlessly pedantic, I know)

A lot of people said that Emma just becomes a way to talk about how amazing Julian is and I’m beginning to see that. She focuses on the sound he makes walking along a hallway way too much. (Also: coming back a week later to add that Julian just gets worse and worse and for a character that we’re supposed to love(?), he has absolutely no redeeming qualities.)

Doesn’t witchlight only light up when a shadowhunter is holding it? I remember that from TID.

The rally with Dearborn feels like an attempt at the bit at the beginning of 1984 where they’re watching the propaganda video and the woman is crying out for big brother. also, there’s no way to write people chanting someone’s name that doesn’t make it feel like mediocre fanfiction, huh? The whole scene is very over the top and not at all like the actual process of radicalisation. 

who thinks like this? Who thinks about themself like this?

The descriptions of the shadowhunters at the funeral are weird. Emma is described as putting on gear then wearing a dress, Christina has a gear jacket over a dress and Ty is in full gear.

she’s not even being subtle about stealing plot points from the tv show, is she?

why does she keep choosing random words to translate into Spanish? It isn’t necessary unless the word also means a specfic type of that word. A vela isn’t a specific type of candle, that’s just the Spanish word for candle. 

Doesn’t Jonathon Shadowhunter creating runes go against tsc canon? No one could make new runes except Clary because of her extra angel blood. (I should know, I read the fucking Shadowhunter codex). (there are more instances of CC creating thing that go against canon but i kinda got bored of making this list after here)

(I know the answer to this one is just CC’s incest fetish but) Why did everybody just let Christina get engaged to her cousin?

I have to say that my suspension of disbelief lasted longer than I thought it would but it ends with Julian killing a Rider with a D&D figurine.

The whole Thule bit feels like it was copy-pasted from ao3 (While we’re on the subject of copied from ao3 “Ragnor Fell lives” is such a “saw it on Tumblr” cop out)

how did the cohort get Jaime? It’s not explained and I wish it was.

Julian sucks. capital-S Sucks. For the guy Emma is facing Losing her Shadowhunter life for and going into exile for, he’s a dick, with emotions he comes off as creepy, over-sexed and obsessed. Without he’s somehow even worse.

Zara calling Cl*ce disgusting and being called wrong for it is such an obvious dig at the people who criticised Clare when she wrote them nearly fucking in a ditch when they thought they were bio siblings. (I’m p sure they’re also adopted siblings and they consider the same man their dad, so it would still be incest.) 

Also, she’s so one-dimensional and every scene with her, especially in the last 1/2 of the book was exactly the same. (emma attacks her but decides to let her go which was a ~mistake~ with consequences (consequences being “we see Zara again”))

It's not even a subtle D*mbl*dore's Army rip-off, huh?

I take back all the things I thought about Clare improving as a writer, chapter 33 makes literally no sense, also cannot do dialogue or consistent characterisation. (how did any of these get published, TMI especially)

Once again, Clare seems to be stealing plot points from the TV show. (Of course there’s going to be some overlap between the show and books even after it diverged from book canon but it’s getting pretty ridiculous at this point, isn’t it?). 

Okay, every woc in this book is here to further the white protagonists’ story (which i guess is the purpose of supporting characters but the white supporting characters do fuck all) And i get they have their own love interests but it was super forced (don’t @ me for this, Kierarktina had potential but it was all rushed in the second half of this book because Clare realised what a cash cow it was)

Diana gets a little tropey (Speaking as a trans person) but her treatment b Vlare and the other characters was okay. I do wish she was allowed more personality than “no one can love me or know me because I’m trans” (it’s stupid and overused) and “helps the Blackthorns and Emma”. (also Clare knows that you don’t stop taking HRT, right? it isn’t a limited course, it’s not Gender-Changing Antibiotics.)

My final thing is that it went on way too long, like, insufferably long. (you’d think long enough to explain some plot holes, but no.)