#i guess there are notes of codependent tendencies in this?

[chikoyama]

They could devour her if they wanted to, and she'd let them. Let them separate her every bone from skin and flesh. And while it happened, she'd endure the pain for them, squeeze her eyes shut, clench her jaw, grit her teeth and not let a single squeak slip past her lips — unless that's what they wanted of course. Then, she'd happily oblige by their every command and call. Bend herself over backwards to fulfill their every wish and desire.

If they gave her their all, why shouldn't she give them her all? And she was sickeningly afraid that one day, the idea of them leaving her would dawn upon them. So, she would do all within her power to cherish them, to keep them out of harm's way, and for them to keep wanting her as much as she wanted them. Was that really too much to ask of them? Of anyone?

[kennedyhateskanye]

Jinx dating head cannons

because i unfortunately developed a deep and uncharacteristic attraction to her.

Warnings: angst, f!reader, writing of drastically poor quality probably, codependency,

Jinx isn’t all there, you knew it very well going in, both of you, which is why her intelligence, depth, and capacity for love shocked you. Of course her mental illness rises and falls. Flaring up and resolving itself several times each day. It’s not uncommon for her to be extremely lucid and seemingly resolved of any mental block for a few hours, behaving so “normally” you’d forget she struggled at all if you didn’t know her so very well.

Of course the longer you loved her, the more resilient you became to the emotional roller coaster she dragged those around her on. You learned not to take it personally. And even more importantly, to never hold it against her, after all, if it was hard for you to deal with her mental anguish, it must be infinitely more difficult for her.

However, what most people don’t know about loving jinx, when they picture it, is that all the work it was seemed minuscule in comparison to the pay off.

She was a force of nature, complex and beautiful and unforgiving, to witness her was to be put in awe. Any struggle she gave you was collateral. You’d walk through fire for her love. Enormously more warm and sweet and all encompassing than that of any of the smirking pilties that turned their nose up at her.

She’d wake up in the middle of the night. To watch your chest rise and fall, and to thank her lucky stars that you were here with her.

She thought of you in everything, saw you in everything she did, evrey task she carried out, every tool and trinket she built

It was near constant you’d walk into your shared room to find something she’d crafted for you with her own two hands and her remarkable genius. Welded flowers, jewelry boxes, wind up toys, hell sometimes you didn’t even know what they were supposed to be, all painstakingly painted in great detail with her signature colors.

That and the notes, oh the notes. all scribed in her chicken scratch with her special quill fountain pen. You’d find them everywhere. Under cups, in your journals, on the walls, hidden beneath pillows. Some were proclamations of love, some were slightly nonsensical. Some were drawings of you two, or sketches she did of you while you weren’t looking, ink strokes depicting you distracted with a task, face scrunched in concentration.

You guessed all her little tendencies were not only small acts of love, but also reminders, that she was there, even when she was away. Jinx struggles with abandonment, scratching grading voices telling her you’ll leave her, storm off and forget about her without a second thought. So, Subconsciously she reminds you, tries to entertain and to please even in her absence.

You are her first thought in the loneliness of the morning when you’re not yet awake, she often feels a pang in her heart at the thought of you and wraps herself desperately around your body, nuzzling her face into your neck or chest to capture your scent and your presence.

She lets loose for you, lets her hair down, lets her hips sway to the music while she’s working, lets her foot tap absentmindedly, lets her subconscious train of thought out, and finds herself loving nothing more than when you reply to each bit of her ramblings as she goes.

She has never felt such relief as she has for the duration of your relationship. Someone to stay, to rub her temples and hum for her when the voices swarm hurting her head. Someone to disarm her when she hallucinates, using practiced exercises to help her check reality. Someone to bandage her hands when she chews at her cuticles and skin absent mindedly

The care absolutely goes both ways, though, and jinx truly does dote over you in endless ways.

She can sense when you are even slightly altered in any way, frustrated, sad, doesn’t matter. She can tell, and she uses her supercomputer of a brain to make a mental bullet list of the most effective ways to make your uncomfortably dissapear

Sometimes jinx looses herself in her scattered mind and forgets to come up for breath. Forgetting to bathe, to eat, to sleep. You take the burden off her shoulders, slowly and tediously washing all of her long blue hair, braiding it back into a wearable style. Scrubbing days old makeup of her face with a washcloth and a gentle hand, taking turns biting out of something you cooked for her.

After these sessions you dress her in your clothes and lay in bed together for hours wide awake, while she stares at you with wide beautiful eyes, saying very little, iorn grip on your arm or your hand, her heart racing with immeasurable love and affection

That’s a whole other thing, jinx has a very serious staring problem, your not sure what it is, but you’ve come to accept it, she often goes selectively silent and stares with her eyes blown wide. Taking in evrey facet of your being. It’s unmistakably affectionate

Jinx wants to be buried with you, jinx wants to see you through evrey season of every lifetime. There’s no question that girl loves you

[iampresent]

Ok tell me about your ocs

(not sarcastic- genuinely please do)

aaaaahhhh holy shit ok sure. Mostly they are DnD OCs, but I have an awful tendency to come up with very long and complicated backstories, so usually I end up writing stuff with them as well.

Khern and Polix (they’re a duo but let’s take them individually first):

Polix (satyr, rogue): Polix was one of many satyrs who were enslaved, both in mind and body, by a member of the Unseelie Court in the Feywild. He was used as a thief, sent constantly out to the material plane to steal magical artifacts. At some point as a teenager, he came across an artifact that broke the spell of the Unseelie Fey, and started traveling the material plane as a con man, which where he met

Khern (half-orc, eventually monk): A young half-orc orphan in a small town, who is currently serving as muscle in the local tavern. Extremely looked down on by the town, gets by with extreme cheerfulness that will either convince people he’s too stupid to be any fun to torment or weird them out so they don’t bother him.

Anyways Khern is minding his own damn business when a mysterious young satyr claiming to read minds rolls into town and SUDDENLY the mayor’s stash of gold goes missing. Khern doesn’t have an alibi, and gets blamed. Now, Khern SAW Polix near the mayor’s house that night. And Polix KNOWS Khern saw him. So imagine Polix’s bewilderment when Khern says nothing about Polix, even as he’s being thrown in the town’s singular jail cell to be dealt with. And Polix, despite himself, just can’t resist breaking into the jailhouse to ask Khern why he didn’t try to clear his own name. Khern’s response, that the townspeople won’t believe him, and this way at least the mayor is made a fool of, impresses Polix enough that he decides to act entirely unlike himself and break Khern out of the jail, on the condition that Khern join him as a partner in crime.

So, Khern and Polix start traveling together, and pretty quickly they fall into a very codependent and slightly toxic dynamic (they do not realize this. They think this is how all normal healthy friendships are). By this I mean, Polix constantly orders Khern around, and Khern does what he’s told, and there’s a whole thing there where they both clearly enjoy that more than they maybe should, but neither of them are acknowledging it, or actually really ever talking about there feelings. But anyway, they’re out scamming the shit out of anyone they meet for about three years before things go absolutely tits up, and from each of their perspectives from a very different reason.

Polix: Hey! So, remember when we said that Polix escaped the Unseelie court and was chilling in the Material realm? Turns out, that same guy is still looking for Polix. Polix discovers this when, after bringing a nobleman who Polix and Khern are scamming into a private room, said nobleman reveals himself to actually be an agent of the Unseelie Fey and attacks Polix. Khern, hearing the commotion, rushes in and kills the nobleman with his bare hands. And now, Polix has two choices:

A) be honest with Khern, explain the whole “on the run from the Unseelie Court” situation, and have them deal with it together

B) Lie his ass off, pretend to get mad at Khern for killing the nobleman, and dump him in a monastery Polix knows. This will require emotionally devastating Khern, but (hopefully) will keep him safe from any more Unseelie Court agents.

guess which one our boy picks? So now we have Khern learning how to hit people for fun and profit from the Order of the Drunken Fist (an actual, real monk subclass in DnD), thinking his best and only friend despises him, when suddenly he gets a note, ostensibly from Polix, asking Khern for help.

Anyways, what was I saying about my tendency to make these things absurdly long?

[eskawrites]

I have seen a bit of discussion on the stobin codependency/the way fans talk abt their relationship and I wanted to know your opinion. I think you are one of the authors that always manages to write it best bc you show how dangerous it can be, the negative consequences of it and you don't reduce robin's character to steve's extension or their dynamic as the only thing ever.

You don't have to answer but I am curious abt your pov bc I really love the way you write the characters.

aw thank you anon! this is very kind and i will try to come up with a smart and thoughtful answer for you, although truth be told most of my thoughts on stobin are just me rambling in a word doc to myself until i have enough notes for a story lol

i guess the biggest thing for me is that, in fandom spaces (and i suppose in online spaces/younger communities in general maybe) codependency has come to mean a couple different things? there's codependent as in 'codependent besties, bonded pair, do not separate, they're platonic soulmates and their lives have been helplessly intertwined since time began' kind of thing, which is of course fun to see and read and write for characters. but there's also, like, the psychological concept of codependency, which often involves controlling behavior or enabling self-destruction like addiction and stuff (i should put a disclaimer here that i'm not by any means a psychological professional and all of this post is, of course, simply my perspective)

we all like viewing stobin as codependent besties because that's what they are in the show, and honestly who doesn't love a little trauma bonding? but the thing is, the line between codependent besties and actual, unhealthy codependent behavior can be really thin. i think it's interesting to write and read what happens when that line blurs and the dynamic shifts into something unhealthy (like in my celebrity fake dating au, where 'you're the only one who understands me' turns into 'i can't face life without you' turns into a very limited support system and simultaneous destructive spirals). however, i do think that online discussions and perspectives of steve and robin can sort of mimic that blurring of the line in some way, which then leads to fans viewing stobin's dynamic as the only thing ever, like you said. and honestly, if platonic stobin is the most important thing to you and it's all you ever want to write and talk about, then hey, you do you. have fun with it

as for not reducing robin to steve's extension, yeah. i think it's very often a combination of the above and the tendency for male characters get more attention both in canon and in fandom. i also click out of posts/fics/etc that do that. but then, i tend not to read anything that isn't centered on robin, nancy, or ronance in the first place lol. and to be completely fair, you could probably argue that i tend to reduce steve to robin's extension in my writing, because i am simply more interested in robin (and female characters in general), so that's what I end up prioritizing in my fic

[littlemoonastrology]

All About: GEMINI ♊︎ - The Zodiac Signs

This post will cover all the basic information needed to understand Gemini, the third Zodiac Sign!

Take a look at my other posts to see information on: Aries and Taurus!

I bet you can't guess what Zodiac Sign is coming next... Maybe you can. If you still don't know it's Cancer, so keep a look out!

If you feel like this post has helped you feel free to Follow, Reblog or Repost (as long as I'm credited! I'm relatively new to Tumblr so I'm still learning about how all this works)!

~

Gemini ♊︎

Date (Only applies to Sun Signs): May 21 - June 20

Symbol: ♊︎ - The Twins

Associated House: Third

Associated Degrees: 3°, 15°, 27°

Associated Energy: Masculine

Planetary Ruler(s): ☿ Mercury (Modern and Traditional)

Element: Air

Modality: Mutable

Keywords: Charismatic, Intelligent, Curious, Independent, Communicative, Multipassionate

Playful, fun, communicative and charismatic are all words that can be used to describe those with Gemini placements! This sign may be an intellectual and enjoys exploring different hobbies, interests, opinions for their own enjoyment (although there may be one or two things they have a natural affinity for), they're the multipassionates! This sign is insanely curious and always ready to learn more, although they may not do well in a structured environment and prefer to do things in their own way - going with the flow. A Gemini friend will appreciate those with a sharp mind and don't take things too seriously, will hear out their opinion and have interesting debates! If you have similar hobbies with a Gemini friend then the bond will only strengthen further as they are not the person to bond over small talk. These placements need mental stimulation and look for that in most if not all aspects of their life.

To some extent, a Gemini placement may have a knack for "smooth talking" and may beat around the bush in order to get a response or avoid aggression. Whilst Gemini does love speaking about different hobbies, controversial topics and the such they still deeply care about people's opinions of them whether they show it or not and do their best to stay out of drama (however this may not stop them from gossiping every now and then). A Gemini placement usually never has any kind of bad intent and if needed, they will care for their friends and can be pretty wise. (Some natives of this placement however may not care about other's opinions at all and are very stable in themselves, not really caring about getting in drama - they might actually find it fun).

When insecure, feeling stuck or stagnant a Gemini placement may become completely fixed on a goal or end up overindulging in something in unhealthy ways - maybe they have a tendency to become controlling or fall into some kind of addiction as a way of escapism. They may unintentionally start to depend on other people and can come across as clingy - maybe to some extent depending on people for their own self-worth which may hint towards codependency issues. In some cases, a Gemini may resort to manipulation and deception in order to get what they want.

A Gemini placement is at their peak when they are enjoying life, exploring their hobbies, talking to people but also when they are able to go by some kind of structure in order for them to stay committed... This sign's biggest lesson is to not stay in a stagnant energy, but also on the other side not become someone destructive (whether that's towards themselves or other aspects of their life).

~

Notes/Keywords/Phrases

Zodiac Sign

Each of the Zodiac Signs are a constellation. The Zodiac Sign shows how a Planet/Asteroid/Fixed Point/House is being represented and expressed. Once a Planet/Asteroid/Fixed Point/House falls into a Zodiac Sign, it adopts the energy of it.

For example: if Mercury falls into the constellation Sagittarius, Mercury adopts Sagittarian traits. If the 6th House falls into the constellation Aquarius, the 6th House adopts Aquarian traits.

Associated House

The Houses in Astrology are dependent on the time and location of birth in a Natal Chart and there are 12 different ones. Each of these 12 Houses are then assigned to a Zodiac Sign and 1 or 2 Planetary Rulers. The Houses in Astrology show you what area of life the energy of the Zodiac and Planets/Asteroids/Fixed Points is appointed to and helps provide depth into the chart.

For example: Capricorn's Associated House is the 10th House.

Associated Degrees

When a Planet/Asteroid/Fixed Point/House falls into a Zodiac Sign constellation, it will be appointed a Degree. This Degree shows how far along the Planet/Asteroid/Fixed Point/House is in a Zodiac Sign. Each Degree is also associated with a Zodiac Sign, meaning when this Degree comes up it can nuance the way the Zodiac Sign of a Planet/Asteroid/Fixed Point/House is being represented.

For example: Mars is 6° in the Zodiac Cancer, 6° represents Virgo - therefore the Cancer Mars also takes on Virgo traits. The 2nd House is 23° in the Zodiac Scorpio, 23° represents Aquarius - therefore the 2nd House in Scorpio takes on Aquarian traits.

Planetary Ruler(s)

This phrase refers to the Planet(s) that rule a Zodiac Sign. When a Planet falls into the Zodiac Sign it has rulership over, the energy of both the Planet and the Zodiac Sign is amplified.

For example: Pisces' Planetary Ruler is Neptune.

Modern / Traditional

These words are associated with two kinds of Astrology: Modern Astrology and Traditional Astrology. Traditional Astrology refers to Astrology that was practiced before the 19th century, whilst Modern Astrology refers to Astrology that is practiced now. Some people choose to practice Traditional Astrology, some people choose to practice Modern Astrology, whilst some others might practice both types or combine them together.

Element

Each Zodiac Sign/Planet/House/Degree is associated with an Element and this covers certain traits which are unique to the Zodiac Sign/Planet/House/Degree they correspond to.

These Elements are: Fire, Air, Water and Earth.

Modality

Much like an Element, each Zodiac Sign/Planet/House/Degree is associated with a Modality. The Modality describes what the focus of a placement is and how the energy is expressed.

There are 3 different Modalities: Cardinal, Mutable and Fixed.

[meta-shadowsong]

An Argument With a Particular Word of God Quote

Note: I wrote this essay a while ago--several months ago--and then just kind of sat on it; but the quote it focuses on has been crossing my dash again the last day or so and it popped back into my head and I decided to go ahead and share.

So. There is a George Lucas quote, I believe from the Attack of the Clones commentary. And I have. Extremely Strong Negative Feelings About It.

The quote in question:

“[The fact that everything must change and that things come and go through his life and that he can’t hold onto things, which is a basic Jedi philosophy that he isn’t willing to accept emotionally] and the reason that is because he was raised by his mother rather than the Jedi. If he’d have been taken in his first years and started to study to be a Jedi, he wouldn’t have this particular connection as strong as it is and he’d have been trained to love people but not to become attached to them.”

Okay. To be clear, my problem here is not with the attachment definition/philosophy that’s being posited here, nor with the description of Anakin’s attitude towards it. The first half of the first sentence, the part that’s bracketed--that’s all completely reasonable/true enough and I don’t have a problem with it.

It’s everything after that.

TL;DR: I think it undermines other key themes and conflicts with certain story/dialogue points in the rest of the saga (meaning episodes I-VI); and I feel like it says some pretty uncomfortable and/or negative things about emotional growth, childhood trauma, Shmi, and the Jedi Order.

Let’s break it down.

First, this only works if you look at the PT trilogy, Anakin’s fall from grace, in a complete vacuum, and ignore the OT and Luke’s journey. Because guess what? Luke was also raised outside the Order, to an even older age than Anakin, and while he struggled in ESB and he did in fact have to learn the hard way, he did learn. (Also, I haven’t rewatched ANH recently, and it doesn’t tend to get referenced much in these discussions, but I think it’s worth nothing that--yes, everything in that movie takes place over like three days and he doesn’t have a lot of time to think/process/start wallowing in his grief; but when you compare the way he handles things there with the way Anakin reacts in similar situations, and he’s already working from a more solid foundation, one that had nothing to do with being raised by the Jedi.)

Second, it’s a…weirdly deterministic take for a series that otherwise places a lot of emphasis on choice. On people choosing to do better (or to not do better). Again, that’s all over the OT, particularly with Luke and Han and again with the second half of Anakin/Vader’s journey. So this particular quote undermines that broader theme/message in a big way.

Third, it completely ignores the fact that this concept, about change being inevitable and you have to be able to move on and let go? Is articulated first and (arguably) most clearly by Shmi. Right there. In the movie just prior to this. That this man also wrote. (“You can’t stop the change, any more than you can stop the suns from setting.” That entire scene.) The mother whose parenting Lucas is essentially blaming for Anakin’s tendency to codependency/unhealthy obsession in relationships.

I am. Really not okay with Shmi being thrown under the bus like this. And, like, there’s probably a broader cultural whatever about how motherhood is simultaneously idealized and ignored in modern (Western) culture and art, and how that influences the way Shmi is portrayed and used and eventually fridged, let alone how she’s talked about outside the text itself. But like. She did in fact say this. The fact that Anakin didn’t grasp it and internalize it is not her fault.

Which is sort of tangentially related to a sort of…broader issue I have with the worldbuilding, especially when it comes to this idealized philosophy, which is that…yes, of course the Jedi are the Good Guys, and the philosophy they live by is a good one (and also acknowledging its real-world Buddhist roots). I am not in any way disputing either of those points. But the idea that only the Jedi, and only by accessing Jedi training/philosophy/etc. through this pretty narrow set of idealized circumstances, can allow you to be a good person in this specific idealized way/to follow this philosophy of non-attachment and learn how to love without codependency, leaves a really bad taste in my mouth. Especially when you have the same lesson/philosophy/ideal coming from a completely different angle in the same goddamn film. In short, the Jedi aren’t wrong, but they don’t have a monopoly on being right.

Okay. Uh. So those are (that last tangent aside) the writing/structure problems I have with this quote. Namely, it doesn’t entirely line up with the themes and storyline of the six films as a whole, and it doesn’t even mesh with the prior movie in this same trilogy.

But there are other issues here, too.

For one thing, this is…this really doesn’t paint the Jedi or their teachings in a very positive light.

Like…this is basically saying, “of course the Jedi can teach people how to love appropriately and avoid attachment/codependency/obsession/dangerous emotional tangles, that’s What They Do, after all--but only if the student starts as essentially a blank slate and has nothing to unlearn.” That’s…not a good look.

Also, it’s kind of a shitty take on childhood trauma? Yes, it’s hard to learn and grow past these things, but the idea that it’s not possible, aside from the implications about the Jedi Order’s pedagogical abilities, is super discouraging for people who come to this path/philosophy later in life than the Ideal. It implies that emotional growth and healing aren’t really feasible and, again, the only way to be capable of this kind of nonattachment is to start from a blank slate. Which a) I don’t think that’s how people or emotions work; and b) again, a super shitty and discouraging thing to say to anyone who might want to try.

(And before anyone comes at me with ‘there is no try,’ that quote taken at face value has the same issue; but if you look at it in context, it’s about committing to a course of action and knowing what you’re capable of, especially in a fairly simple situation/when faced with a fairly straightforward problem. When you also take into account the later conversation about trying to reach Vader, there’s also an acceptance of the fact that there are other factors that are completely out of Luke’s control here, that all he can do is put his commitment and genuine good faith effort and make the attempt to the best of his abilities, but he can’t simply ‘do’ without the other party meeting him halfway. But that’s another essay for another time.)

Lastly, and this is a much more…it has as much to do with modern fandom discussions as with what Lucas specifically said twenty years ago. But there’s this tendency to use entry into the Jedi Order as analogous to adoption. And that’s not wrong! It’s in fact a pretty good analogy! Even before it got reinforced by certain conversations in the Obi-Wan series! But quotes like this highlight the problem with that analogy, especially when coupled with the age restriction on entry into the Order.

Look. There are a lot of issues with the modern adoption system. I’m not nearly qualified to comment on all of them, beyond acknowledging that Some Shit’s Fucked Up. (Not all of it! But Some.) And one of those issues is that, unless the child in question is a [healthy, white] infant, the chances of them getting adopted are extremely slim. Because there’s this attitude that they won’t really belong, they won’t really be a part of their new family, they won’t really bond/bond properly with their new parents, unless they’re brought in as a blank slate. That the (perceived) greater Difficulties in taking in an older child are Too Much/Not Worth It…that kind of attitude.

And, I mean, I’m not a parent, adoptive or otherwise. I’ve never been fully responsible for raising a child (or for any other human being), and I know that it’s a complicated and difficult decision/task even under the most ideal of circumstances. But the idea that older kids aren’t good enough/don’t count/will never really be the children of their new parents is something I know I’ve seen broken down as a toxic mentality before.

Especially in a culture (fandom) that places such a huge emphasis on found family/family of choice and the bonds that grow from there (aka, the refutation of that idea), why is it that, in certain Jedi-positive circles and when looking at quotes like this one from Lucas, it’s just accepted at face value when it comes to the Jedi Order and their adoption/recruitment practices?

Full disclosure, the age limit is basically The Problem I have with the PT-era Jedi Order’s general practices and the one thing that I genuinely think does at least as much harm as good (or the harm it does is significant enough) and should be re-evaluated when Luke (or Rey, or whoever) rebuilds; I’ve written about this before, but, among other things, this idea tends to become a feedback loop which sets the few exceptions up for failure, which then reinforces the idea that older students will fail, and on and on*; this aside from the issues it presents to the people who aren’t lucky enough to be found in the right age bracket or have the combination of Circumstances working for them that Anakin did to become one of the exceptions; the fact that there are no viable alternatives for training and/or support for said potential latecomers is also a huge part of the problem. Anyway, that’s definitely coloring my views here, especially when we look at the Implications rather than the parts where it’s contradicted by other points in the text itself.

I’m going to sort of wind up here by saying that…after all of that, I don’t think that this quote is entirely wrong, exactly. I’ve written about this before (although maybe not posted it, haha), but I do think that the Order’s habit/background of generally not accepting latecomers, combined with Anakin’s particular background and issues, mean that the Order as it stands in the twilight of the Republic was not necessarily a good fit for him when he was brought to their attention, and that he might have been more stable/successful if he’d been brought in earlier, or if the initial refusal had stood and he’d found a different path for himself.

But boiling that down to, essentially, ‘Anakin Wasn’t Raised Right,’ and in so doing a) ignoring the entire other half of this saga/some of the key themes of this saga as a whole; b) forgetting what Shmi said in the last movie/throwing her under the bus; and c) making everyone involved in this situation look bad…I don’t know, that’s really not the way to do it.

*To avoid yet another long tangent…there is an interesting essay that could be teased out about that one line in the mantra, ‘there is no ignorance; there is knowledge,’ and how it relates to the idea of preconceptions. We see this in this particular discussion, both in a sort of positive light (when someone with no preconceptions approaches the Jedi path/philosophy, there is a strong tendency for them to succeed at it), and in a negative light (the feedback loop re: nontraditional students I mentioned). But it also comes up in other areas--look at how Force Ghosts are handled, for example. How much effort it takes for Qui-Gon to connect with Yoda; how the first assumption is that Yoda is hallucinating. Compare that to Luke, who has absolutely zero preconceptions/prior knowledge about how the Force works and how it relates to death, so that when he starts hearing (and later seeing) Ben, his response is ‘this makes as much sense as anything else I’ve learned in the last week sure let’s go with it.’ And, of course, Yoda that line about how wonderful the mind of a child is, uncluttered by such things. Not to mention the bit I mentioned earlier, about raising the X-wing from the swamp, and how that relates to preconceptions and expectations; also related is one of my favorite Qui-Gon quotes, “Your focus determines your reality.”

Anyway, I just think that’s interesting to contemplate--Jedi are people, after all, and this is a very People problem to have.

[burkhardclan]

Gilmore Girls season 6 episode 2

Okay, first of all, luke danes JUST last episode said before we have kids let’s start with a pet or something. Then this rpisode he is all huffy and pushovery l. Sorse he says he hated all dogs? My guy, you hwat? You are literal doberman/ golden-retriever energy. ‘You lost your little boy’.. was repeated over and over. Lorelei is… frankly, abusing luke more snd more.. even joking that when he disagrees it’s just pre-her changing his mind. Yes, yes. It’s just jokes. But she has a tendency to railroad others if they let her. I just don’t think she has the emotional balance to be with like. And probably same for luke given how he doesn’t adapt well to an emotionally charged relationship stressor…

… No logan this one. Rory doing community service and floundering socially? I was.. shocked. I guess she is so used to talking with mom. Kind of realizing they were codependent hence the bad habits… now coming out of ‘nowhere’. The grandparents downplaying and forgetting her community service just.. *sigh* They really love the fantasy of rory but refuse to see her as she is. It HURTS to see.

Side note. No kirk non-sequiters.

[perkeleen-lavellan]

Before Veilguard I had assumed Solas and Mythal's relationship was a mess consisting of a maternalistic subservience mixed with a dash of 'special confidante but forever a slave' type of situation. It is still there, in Solas being called Mythal's loyal hound (derogatory) and some of the fresco memories. I chose to read our character's and the companions interpertations of those memories as missing crucial context, them being unreliable narrators because they do not know Solas or Mythal personally and are unable to have truly deep insight into him.

And problematic though it may be I did also always imagine there could have been this almost pseudo-incestuous vibe to Mythal and Solas's relationship. Note that I always worked under the assumption that Solas was essentially her favoured slave, who gained high authority and for a long time deluded himself into thinking Mythal treated him as an equal. But... I don't think Mythal was ever capable of treating anyone as an equal. I always thought she and Elgar'nan used their roles as All Mother and All Father in the sane way many monarchs use such titles to create a parasocial and symbolic relationship to their subjects. It is meant to make the people accept their absolute rule over them under the guise of benevolence. They are thinking of the people's good. If they need to be disciplined then it will be with a paternal hand. If they deserve rewards then it is with familial care. You're expected to obey and respect your parents.

And especially now that we have basically confirmed Mythal's nature to be that of benevolence, justice and retribution, I don't think there was anyone that could have truly been allowed in her inner most circle. Justice is blind they say, and justice is impartial. Mythal's benevolence does not care about who asked for it, her role was to serve it to everyone equally, and in doing so she was always going to be a lone figure standing above everyone else, if her role was to be that of a divine judge.

Although Flemythal contains within her the personality of Flemeth and thus cannot be considered an accurate depiction of Mythal, I do think it's significant that Flemeth essentially keeps her daughters always guessing and at arms lenght, not revealing her intentions to them and fostering their isolationist tendencies. Isolated targets are easier to manipulate and control, and Flemeth to me always seemed first and foremost an opportunist. What part of that is Mythal's influence and what part is Flemeth is a mystery, but that is largely the lense through which I then read Solas and Mythal.

Solas is a manipulator himself. Perhaps this was out of neccessity, perhaps it was learned behaviour. The fact that both Flemythal and Solas use the same tactic of dropping nuggets of information in order to get people to do what they want, or to at least move the game forward, was something I noticed.

So distracted tangent finished, my point here is that I wish Veilguard had leaned way harder into the fucked up codependency between Solas and Mythal. It seemed like it was gonna have it all. Solas idolizing the figure that drove him to make choices he didn't want to make, Solas martyring himself for someone who ultimately used him as a tool and weaponised their affection towards him to further lock in his loyalty, the way Mythal always seemed to be seeking a greater good but without any empathy for all those she needed to twist in order to get there, the emotional incest...

Just giving us sone handwavey ambiguous reason for it all feels like a cop out, and it's something I think even the rest of the text doesn't support.

the implications veilguard diagetically chose to run with about mythal and solas make me want to eat wallpaper

"just because she called him 'love' doesn't mean they were 'doing it', ancient elves experienced love differently than we do!" what are you talking about. my grandmother called me "love", my friends have called me "love", i'd bet 1 in 5 trader joe's cashiers have called a customer "love". you don't need to have an ~*~ Immortal's Transcendent Emotional Experience ~*~ to call someone "love" outside of a sexual/romantic context???

if mythal called him "my love", i'd understand humouring the kneejerk "they were doing it lol" but.. i feel like hearing a woman call a man "love" and going "this is either Sex or a unique ye olde dynamic" reeks of heteronormativity? but i could be pointing at the shadows on the walls of my aroace cave.

and i'm not at all opposed to solas having a romantic/sexual history, he's thousands of years old, anything's possible. he could be on a touch starvation world record or happily chaste or meant for arlathan's streets, i don't know. but bioware completely sailed past what i think would be the most compelling dynamic between solas and mythal - insofar as that which Feeble Mortal Brains can conceptualise - because it uses what is literally set up already in canon. like: mythal is literally called the all-mother?

she and solas have the exact same hair colour in his frescoes? (and then her in-game model shoved that from most player's minds in favour of shaping her from luminescent vanilla pudding so. cool) mythal is the reason solas was brought into the world (technically-kind-of. justice for the titans). she projected onto him during the most formative time in his life and it permanently affected him. codependent parents frequently pull "i'm not just your parent, i'm your friend too" or "i'm having a hard time too, Objectively More Vulnerable Child Of Mine :(". flemythal. FLEMYTHAL.

mother/child doesn't fall neatly into "thirsting" or "found family(TM)" so maybe that means it wouldn't line up with veilguard's vision which they must adhere to with every single line of dialogue. i understand. i'm just. crawling up the walls

[macchiatosdumptruck]

Ralph is at his peak Omega as Teddy in CahTB. I can’t believe he was allowed to go on stage looking like that what the fuck. That’s such an uke look for him, for all you anime fans. Also: De Niro has long hair in a ponytail for that play. Thoughts and Thots about this! I feel like Terry would go feral for Teddy. And it would be earth-shattering to witness.

Hm, so this is gonna go under a cut due to the themes of CahTB, which I get into. Implied incest and grooming as well as drug addiction.

Well "omega" and "uke" certainly are one way to put it. he fits the fictional ideal. Ralph made an entire career about being pretty as he's pushed around.

It really is uncanny that this keeps happening to him. Strong domineering men in positions of power who show affection through manipulation and control.

There's So Much subtext, that it's practically just text in CahTB. But I guess some versions play it down to make audiences less uncomfortable. But like. It's supposed to be uncomfortable.

(one thing that sticks out to me is that Teddy literally has traditional widely duties and has no door to his room. among many other things tbh. Like like essays could be written.)

The life of the play write is fascinating and tragic.

Tbh I've had so many thoughts about a Silverusso CahTB au. I've even written down notes, but I don't have the spoons to dedicate myself to it. But possessive father or step father Terry who can't stand the thought of Daniel growing up and not needing him anymore? Who gets angry and controlling when Daniel interacts with other men? Who treats Daniel like a girlfriend?

I gotta lie down. I'm not okay.

This is my opportunity to plug some of the silverusso multi-verse.

Here is a Silverusso CahTB au.

And here is an au featuring Teddy Cuba and Terry McCain from excessive force.

Heed the tags.

However there has not yet been a Teddy Cuba/Terry Silver au. They both have strong codependent and self destructive tendencies. They both use drugs as a form of self soothing.

They could bond over their dysfunctional upbringings. Enable each other's bad habits.

Cuba doesn't want Teddy doing drugs despite the fact that he deals them, but Terry would have no problem with that. He might even encourage it.

Terry looks just enough like Teddy's dad that maybe Teddy thinks he can pretend it's actually him. Make the relationship a bit more "ok." Sublimate.

Teddy is just enough like Daniel but he's also so much more unmoored, and vulnerable and desperate to please. Plus he's already accustomed to being subservient.

A toxic tragic mess!

Plus don't throw tomatoes at me but we all know there would be daddy kink in that relationship.

[lunalilith19]

Scott Moir: astro bits

He has Mercury square Uranus, and the more I learn about this, the more ways it seems to describe him-

Mercury is how you think and communicate, Uranus is change, freedom, individuality-- when you have these squared, you're smart and quirky and need space to be your unique self. you might be impatient because the pace of your mind is really fast. it might be hard to sit still, or you might get bored or frustrated waiting on slower people or doing things you're not into. So probably sitting still in school wasn't the easiest, or maybe days of meetings at a coaching conference, either.

This aspect on its own makes you not attach to people, and you don't need them to get attached to you, so it allows you to have lots of different kinds of connections to all kinds of people. In his case, he has other places in his chart that are warm and about connection, as well as codependency and insecurity, but when he's in a good place, he's able to move lightly and easily in the moment among a lot of people.

The way he's been known to blurt things unintentionally, or to run at the mouth in ways that may not be fact - that can be connected to this. Because your thoughts are moving so fast, your mouth can spill things that haven't been considered-- where afterwards you might (or might not) realize it technically wasn't true. for most people I know who have this aspect, it's more that things come out in a way they didn't mean than it is about not being truthful, but it can also make you gloss things over and misdirect rather than be too revealing or vulnerable. There can be a tendency to just move along to the next thing rather than reflect, unless you have other more thoughtful or grounded elements in your chart.

On another note, he has a Sun-Mars conjunction in his chart - this is high energy, physically courageous, assertive, independent. Plus emphasizes the ego. But I didn't know this relates to dance - I guess it makes sense that Sun (self expression) conjunct Mars (physical action) could be dancing. Definitely can also be things like fighting or combat, but in his case, his Sun and Mars are trine Neptune, which softens this and brings in a sensitive, artistic and creative component-- so yeah, he wants to move, and it expresses very naturally through dance. It's so natural that he might have taken it for granted til he's not doing it any more on a regular basis. Choreo might be the organic extension of this for him, but chances are he misses dancing.

[gothamslimpestwrist]

s1e2 selina kyle

killcount:

“doug” the childsnatcher: “soldier” (homeless guy)

oswald cobblepot: douchebag college bro from the car, probably the other douchebag college bro as well.

jim gordon: quillan’s janitor

“patti” the childsnatcher: cat scratch fever dude w/ no eyes

episode total: 5 total count: 12

the dark knight rises: shit is clearly fucked in gotham. crime families are ruling the city, yes, but honestly that’s the least of it; look at the police force. we see that bo, the first responder, is late to the scene of the crime because he takes protection money from a local restaurant & gave them first priority (in other words, he’s a crooked bitch demanding a racket, AND it gets in the way of him actually doing his job). the cops are pretty much, explicitly, just an extension of the mob at this point. 

interestingly, we also see the start of an exploration of the wayne’s corruption; falcone refers to “the wayne empire,” mirroring the way they talk about the crime families And Also setting the waynes up as, like, a picture of the wealthy elite taken to a whole ‘nother level. gotham is the last modern vestige of the city state--and that is the wayne empire. who takes the crown now that the emperor and empress are dead? 

in OTHER news, the waynes really fucked bruce over. the murder itself was the lynching pin, causing him to jump over the fucking edge, so to speak, but he is Just A Little Boy! he is so troubled! he’s self harming and alfred yells at him and HITS HIM for being stupid, he’s listening to loud music and drawing fucked up shit, he’s both burned himself and is apparently cutting, and alfred, seeing all of this, refuses to get the boy who saw his parents shot a therapist, because the waynes told him to essentially let bruce raise himself. “the children are thoroughbreds,” basically. 

quoth barbara (thinking about essen shushing the child snatcher case in fear of bad press): “i can’t believe the system is so corrupt.” quoth jim (thinking about how he was yelled at for not beating a perp, thinking about the cop/mob connection that demanded he kill a man to prove his loyalty, thinking...): “you have no idea.” 

oh! and jim tells bruce the kids need more than money to keep them safe.

sliding scale of barbara kean’s sanity: she seems to be doing alright, but she’s troubled by jim’s troubles. also, this episode sets up some shit that will lead to irreparable damage later on; jim, even when he’s telling her things, isn’t telling her everything. she knows it. she hates it. he specifically hasn’t told her about oswald, which gives her reason to believe he’s a murderer pretty soon. plus, what she does w/ the information he does give her about his work (go straight to the press) gives him immediate reason to start trusting her less... and so they spiral.

sliding scale of ed nygma’s sanity: he’s a little bit more of a lurker this episode. creeps outside the captain’s office until someone notices him, lingers inside until everyone in the room makes it obvious he’s not welcome. he’s trying his best, but he’s not... very... “well liked,” shall we say.

continuity: montoya and allen are looking into the murder of oswald cobblepot. he was their snitch, after all. so that’s problems... many things are subtly set up in this episode: falcone and fish discuss maroni and his anticipated power play (adding another piece to the political chessboard of this season), the atp drug the child snatchers use is established to have been developed for arkham asylum, which is also established to have been closed for the past 15 years AND to have recently been in the works for a reopening, specifically by thomas and martha wayne. and that’s all just offhanded discussion. also related to the atp, when ed is listing the only three places that still stock it, it’s quillan pharma, drakatech (?)... and welzyn, which isn’t relevant at all to THIS episode (quillan’s the one dealing with the childsnatchers) but WILL become relevant to everyone in a few episodes, when welzyn manufactures viper. oh, and naturally the identity of the man the childsnatchers are working for: the dollmaker. hm!! on a lighter note, harvey’s ex-white knight tendencies that we explore in spirit of the goat are foreshadowed here; essen accuses him of leaking the child snatchers story to the press, w/ the reasoning that he’d done it before. after jim & barbara established that it was the right thing to do....

parallels: jim & selina meet in this episode. they are... The Same™. (look, i’ll come back to it later, but even tho my parallel in the pilot was btwn selina and oswald, and even tho they’re the two that are the villain counterparts to our heroes, jim and SELINA are the matched set.) also, this is the episode where fish expresses the wish that penguin wasn’t dead (because she wants him to suffer), but also she tells jim & harvey that she knew it was a mistake to order them killed as soon as she did it. so that means something? 

neither here nor there, but gertrud tells montoya & allen how elegant and well dressed oswald is, and bruce comments on the orphans’ scruffy appearances and buys them new clothes... we love a dandy, i guess.

characterization: we meet some irrelevant street kids that selina knew; zeb, smoke, and mackey (corey in the house). i’m basically using the characterization tab as fanfic reference so i might as well record that.

lazlo, fish’s lover, is relevant, in that falcone beats him to get to her. it definitely does affect her, though she says she only keeps him around for exercise. maybe more b/c of falcone’s threat and the fear of what it implies, though. 

and gertrud! ozzie’s mom. everyone connected to oswald, even outside (maybe even especially outside) of his mob connections, is a little twisted. she’s no different; she’s clearly a bit out of her head, she mistrusts the police (which i guess we’re supposed to think is suss, though really...Fair and Just), she’s got that almost creepy codependency with oswald while not really knowing what’s going on there. (other examples: elijah, oswald’s gothic horror father, martin, oswald’s lowkey homicidal son, edward, oswald’s fascist dog, jim, oswald’s corrupt boyfriend...) she also seems to think oswald has run off with some painted lady (actually, she says painted slut), which might be indicative of her experiences w/ van dahl and some unstable jealousy more than it is of oswald, who’s... you know. 

in other news, jim is all over the map here. he stops harvey beating mackey (and later, quillan, after they’ve already gotten info out of him) and protests that they should leak the story to the press, but he also seems content to keep his mouth shut until barbara takes doing good upon herself. he adapts to the mob shit pretty quick, but expresses disgust w/ the corruption in the system. he gets off on the wrong foot w/ mayor james because he disagrees with locking up the kids w/o a trial, but he doesn’t... step in... either. we see this willingness to compromise and bend the knee that means he’ll never be the hero gotham deserves. 

also, not to be a jim apologist on main or anything (ha, ha), but he’s just so... brainwashed. all this, & he still tells alfred that being a cop, which has thus far caused him nothing but pain & misery, is the “best job in the world.” because he thinks he’s helping people. (and he likes getting to feel like a hero... so where do the misguided good intentions stop and the selfish motives begin?) he also kills a man for the first time on screen this episode because for all its examinations of dirty cops... gotham is still, at the end of the day, Copaganda. in an actual moment of me drinking I Love Jim Gordon juice, jim is the one who advocates for bruce going to therapy, and tries to convince him to go personally, even when jim himself is too emotionally stunted for it to help him. 

also, backstory: harvey pegs his love life, saying, “high school sweetheart, then a bunch of hoes (read: eduardo dorrance) overseas only made you sad... and then there’s barbara.” he also calls jim a monkey riding a race horse; jim’s face is really good @ that. i misinterpreted the line about high school sweethearts back in the day to mean that barb was jim’s highschool sweetheart. this is on account of auditory processing disorder and also general dumbassery. anyway, the point is that jim is a boring, predictable bitch! whom i love.

...in terms of characterization from the episode that i don’t agree with, i can’t really see oswald writing all the shit that they had on his conspiracy board, lmfao. “crybaby brucie,” “gordon=STOOGE,” & so forth. i pretend i do not see it.

[just-a-touch-of-sass-and-fandoms]

Sanity is Relative Chapter 2

Catch up on Chapter 1 

Characters: Darby, Ema, Sam, and Dean Word count: 3,000

Written by: @uttertrash--butlikecutetrash and @just-a-touch-of-sass-and-fandoms 

Darby

It was loud in the common room. People moaning, screaming, having very loud conversations with themselves. I’ve read the same line in this shitty book at least 5 times. I was getting ready to give up when I saw them walk in. The Winchesters.

Dean swaggered in with that stupid cocky grin and far too much confidence for the place where he was currently residing. Sam shuffled in behind his brother. His shoulders were slumped and he looked tired. They sat together at a table not far from me. I kept my nose in my book and pretended to read as I eavesdropped on the two.

“All I’m asking from you Dean is a little effort,” Sam sighed as they sat down, “just a minimal amount.”

“Sammy, we don’t belong in here,” Dean leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms, “you made it sound like this little excursion was for a hunt. You didn’t say we were checking into the funny farm for actual help.”

A hunt? What the fuck does he mean? What kind of hunting could you possibly do in a place like this? Perhaps Dean was a bit more off his rocker than I initially anticipated.

Sam leaned over the table to his brother, his voice was low and commanding, ”This is for a hunt. I just…. I need this Dean. I’m not in a good place mentally. And if we are being honest here, neither are you. I think we need this. ”

Dean scoffed, “That comes with the job, man. This isn’t an easy life. None of us are in a good place mentally. With what we see everyday.”

“No.” Sam said as he slammed his fist on the table. The room quieted in an instant, all eyes on him. He gave a sheepish smile to the crowd and turned back to his brother. “It’s more than that.”

Dean ran his hands down his face before he spoke again. “Fine. You need help. I get it. But I am perfectly—“

“You have PTSD that you are self medicating with alcohol, so don’t you even try to bullshit me.”

I couldn’t help but let out a laugh. It was too good to hear Sam call out Dean like that. The brothers looked at me and I giggled a bit more.

“What’s so funny?” Dean asked with a raised brow.

“Your brother calling you out like that was highly satisfying,” I smiled and walked to the table. I sat down, putting my elbows on the table and propping my chin on my fists I continued as I glanced between them, “Also, you two codependent as fuck. No wonder you aren’t allowed to be in group together.”

Dean furrowed his brow then and pursed his lips slightly at the word ‘codependent’.

“P.S. what do you mean by ‘a hunt’?”

They both sat up a bit straighter, obviously taken aback by the question.

Sam scratched at the back of his head, “How much of our conversation did you actually hear?”

“All of it. You don’t talk as quietly as you think you do.”

“Good to know.”

“Yeah totally, so about that hunt thing….”

“You wouldn’t believe us if we told you.” Dean answered as he leaned in closer to me.

I followed his lead and leaned in closer to him, our faces mere inches apart. His freckles looked like the most fantastic nebula strewn across his nose and cheeks.

I stared into his eyes unblinking as I spoke, “You’re right. I probably won’t. This is a funny farm after all.” Dean sat upright again, his face slack. Apparently, he wasn’t expecting that.

“He didn’t mean it like that,” Sam interjected.

I turned to him with a shrug, “I don’t really care how he meant it, it’s true. I don’t know what your flavor of crazy is.”

“And what’s your flavor of crazy?” Dean leaned in close to me again. This time a blonde orderly cleared his throat. We looked over at him and he motioned for us to make space.

I sat back and smiled. “Major Depressive Disorder. Anxiety. And of course, suicidal tendencies. You know, the fun shit.” I picked a little at my bandages as I continued, “I was out for a whole 6 months before I tried to off myself again. That’s a personal best for me.”

“And her?” Sam asked pointing across the room. I followed his finger to Ema. She was sitting there staring off into space again. “What’s hers?”

“Ema?” I shrug, “I dunno, girl is an enigma wrapped in a mystery.”

“How so?”

A slow mischievous smiled spread across my lips, “You sweet on her Sammy?”

His cheeks burned a bit pink, “No. Just curious.”

I nodded slowly not believing him. After all Ema was cute. She was short and curvy. Also had some of the bluest eyes I’d ever seen. She could probably fit in Sam’s pocket but that isn’t the point I guess.

“She’s been here for about 2 years now. I see her every day but I never talk to her. All I know is she was dating this guy and he died or left her or something. Anyway she went into a catatonic stupor for a few days and it landed her here.”

Ema blinked as if waking up and surveyed the room. When her eyes fell on the table the boys and I were sitting at she gave us a sheepish smile. Sam smiled wide, sweet grin. Dean gave her a nod. I however stood up and walked over to her.

“You can have my seat,” I told her as I glanced at the table and then back at her, “I’m going to head to the art therapy room.”

Ema looked at the table and then back to me and then back to the table, utterly confused. I just gave her a wink and wandered out of the common room. But before I left I turned to see Dean drag his eyes up my frame, that stupid grin returning to his lips. I couldn’t tell if I wanted to punch him him or kiss him. Probably both, but mostly it was punch.

Instinctively I navigated through the halls to my own personal sanctuary: the art therapy room. No matter what state I am in art always brings me peace. Most people who have tried to kill themselves would lose the privilege of art therapy for a few months. Too many pointed objects.

But for me, I’m encouraged to paint during my suicidal moments. The shrinks here figured out long ago that to keep me happy was to keep me painting.

As I made it to the room the art teacher Lisa was about to lock the door. She stopped when she saw me.

“Back again I see.” She smiled.

Nodding I smile back, “I need to let off a little steam.”

She opened the door for me and I walked passed her. “I’ll let an orderly know you are in here. There is an iPod in the top drawer of my desk. I know you like to Beethoven while you work.”

“Mozart,” I corrected, “I like to listen to Mozart.”

“Mm yes, that’s it. Well, I’ll see you around,” she smiled and shut the door leaving me to set up.

As the music filled the room I closed my eyes and exhaled. A calm washed over me and I began to paint. My canvas was all black. I was putting red slices of color across. It was something I was good at. Red slices on my canvas, red slices on my skin. The only art I knew how to make was bloody and painful but beautiful all at once.

---------------------

Ema

Darby walked away and I felt like I was frozen. She wanted me to go sit with Sam and Dean. Why the hell would I go do that? With my anxiety? Puh-lease. No way in hell. Sitting back in my chair I focused on a ray of light creeping through the window between the shades. My eyes slowly closed as the warmth spread over my face. Breathing slowly as I centered my mind, I could begin.

Strength and power filled my soul. I felt my muscles relax as I slipped into my true role. Ema, the white light healer, was ready to commune with the universe. The bright aura’s of the spirit world called out to me. I was brought to the particular spirit of a goddess that had reached out to me many times before. She never revealed her name though. She always came to me to bring me good news. I raised my hands up to her, palms up, to accept her energy. Her soothing voice spoke through my soul. “Breathe my child. Calm and balance will be coming to you. Do not be discouraged by your trials. Know that they will bring you to a much better ending.”

I breathed in slowly, ensuring her words stuck with me. I brought my hands back to the table and let my mind wander over the many things that needed help in our room. Many of the souls I had felt before and knew them well. But there were new energies that needed to be received. A dark, angry, painful energy radiated from my right. I could feel the torture and blame that settled in this particular soul. All they wanted was inner peace, but the path to lead them there scared them more than their troubled past. I made a mental note to find this person and heal them with my warm light.

The next energy to enter my sphere was one that I knew well. It mirrored mine. Lost, confused, in search of true healing not just mentally but spiritually. This person had suffered many deep, profound losses. They wished for calm, and closure. Just like I had when I lost Matthew. This person, their heart tried desperately to repair itself, but the past and the present were making that nearly impossible.

I breathed deeply again, and found my voice to call out to the universe. “Let your powers and healing spirits work through me. Guide me to the magical healing that will bring these people peace. This magical healing only you can give me. Their souls called to me, so I must answer. Give me the strength to heal them, and make them whole again.”

When I opened my eyes, the sunlight was no longer on my face. I blinked several times, coming out of my inner self, and found Sam standing in front of me. “Are you okay?” He looked genuinely concerned for me, but also interested. “You started raising your hands and mumbling stuff. Did you have a seizure or something?”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “No, not at all. I was just...thinking, in a very intense way. You can sit down if you want to.” Sam hesitated for a moment before taking the chair. As he sat down he bumped my table, knocking over my water bottle. As we both reached for it, our hands brushed and his energy bombarded my senses. He was the one. The one that had a soul similar to mine.

“How long ago did you lose her?”

Sam froze, his eyes showed both horror and shock. He couldn’t find his words for nearly a minute, but he finally cleared his throat. “I...I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yes you do. You lost her, and you never forgave yourself. It wasn’t your fault though, we all agree. It was destined to be part of your story. A horrific part, yes, but also one that lead to many greater paths that contained more power.” Sam squinted his eyes at me and I knew he had noticed when I said ‘we’ instead of ‘I’. “Don’t be afraid Sam. We are peaceful and I’m here to help. Just let yourself talk about her. It will be painful, but it will help.”

Sam pushed away from the table. “I need to go find Dean. Stay away from me okay? Stop talking about me in your schizo head. You got that?” The people around me all stared as the angry man stomped out of the room. His brother turned to go after him, but paused a second to give me a stern and angry glare. Closing my eyes, the energy had shifted. It was cold and dark, not troubled and multi-layered like it usually was in the day room.

I looked to the table next to me, where the boys had sat, and I smiled. They were going to be my next focus, I could feel it. Their stories, they needed to be told. They needed to hear that someone truly cares and understands. I had been right about Dean’s energy though. It was familiar to me in so many ways, and then it hit me. His energies met Darby’s almost perfectly.

Rising from my table I surveyed the room. Each familiar person had the same energies they held before. The universe communed with me briefly, and I headed to my room to rest. It was time to put the magic power aside, and let the other worlds take over for a time. As I walked down the hallway I heard Mozart coming from an activity room. I went to the door and peeked in to find Darby painting. Every time I saw her it was the same painting. Black canvas, and bloody slashes. Closing my eyes I chose to feel one more energy. I pressed my hands to the window, and it hit me. The torment, the inner horrific conflict, the loss, and the unimaginable pain.

It took everything in me to not open that door. She needed to let that pain out in some way. That much darkness cannot be contained easily. The portals to let it out unfortunately drove her to the mutilation, but I couldn’t blame her for it. No matter how low and lost I’d gotten, I never knew the kind of pain that leads to that form of release. At least now, Darby was painting and expressing. Her body had time to heal until the next time, but for right now, at least she was safe.

Just as I was taking my hands off to the glass of the door window, I opened my eyes and screamed. Darby was right there, her eyes glaring down at me. I started to back away slowly, waiting for my back to hit the wall of the other side of the hall, but it felt like I had miles to go before that happened. Darby slowly opened the door and sauntered towards me. “See something you like Em? You like sneaking up on people? What, did the voices tell you?”

“No, no I was just going to bed and I saw….I saw the light and...your painting is really good!” Darby just laughed and threw her head back.

“Oh, so you know about my painting? Huh? You think you know what it’s all about? You think you know me since you’ve spent more time here, huh?”

“No! No! I like...I like your work! You’re...talented! And I just...I want you to know what we’re here for you an-”

“‘We’re’ here? Who the fuck is ‘we’? Is that the voices? Your creepy little schizo voices?”

“I’M NOT A SCHIZO!” I didn’t even know I could get that angry, that loud and powerful. I just couldn’t take it. Sam, now Darby, on top of everyone else...it was too much! Maybe I am a schizo. Everyone already thinks it, may as well give in. The voices were yelling so loudly I couldn’t hear Darby yelling at me.

“Hey! Em! Ema!! Hello, earth to Ema!” When I still didn’t respond, Darby grabbed my shoulders and started shaking me. “Ema! Snap out of it!”

I shook my head and I was back. Darby was looking more scared than I’d ever seen her. “I’m sorry. I just got, I just got lost in my head. That’s all. I swear. I didn’t mean to yell at you. I promise! I’ll leave you alone, I swear.” Darby studied my face, trying to figure out what she was going to do. Her final look told me that she was done messing with me for the night and just wanted to paint. As she turned on her heel, I let out a long breath and let my head fall to my chest.

When I finally calmed the voices, and Darby was back to her stool, the lights in the hallway went out. We both looked at each other. It meant it was curfew, and we weren’t in our rooms. Darby quickly started to clean up and yelled to me. “Hey! Ema, come on, help me here. Come on.” It was like I was stuck to the wall, I just couldn’t move towards her. “Ema! Come on! Otherwise we are both screwed!”

I ran into the art room and started grabbing her pallets, I dumped them in the sink, getting black and red all over my hands. Darby was taking down her canvas and easel. We were both making great time until we heard footsteps coming down the hall. Those tile were practically designed so no matter how slowly you stepped everyone could hear you. Darby bolted to the door, locking it and hitting the lights. I found a corner and waved her over. “Come on!”

The two of us curled into the corner where we were least likely to be seen. The footsteps kept getting closer until we heard the rattle of the doorknob. We were cornered. Literally.

Get ready for more! Chapter 3 coming soon! Let us know if you want to be tagged!!

Sanity is Relative Tags: @growningupgeek @emoryhemsworth @love-kittykat21

[cry-stars]

Heeey, I got the second half of the OTP meme, done, @distant-glory! Hopefully they’re alright; I tend to ramble on, so they’re not terribly concise answers.

Who says I love you first?

It would take something very big for either to say so-- probably nothing less than a near-death experience. They’re both very prideful people, and saying “I love you” would be a very humbling experience. Really, it could go either way… Envy has more practice with saying the words, because of slipping into various families in the past after getting rid of snooping busybodies, but I don’t know if that would make it any easier for them (Kimblee’s the only one that’s said it in my drafts, though).

Who leaves little notes in the other’s one lunch? (Bonus: what does it usually say?)

That would be Kimblee, and it’s usually something pretty cryptic. Sometimes there’s some riddle that he’s come up with that he expects Envy to have solved by the time they get home, sometimes it’s a reminder to do or get something, and, on very rare occasions, there’ll just be a heart drawn on the paper.

Who tells their family/friends about their relationship first?

Well, it would have to be Envy, because Kimblee really doesn’t have anybody to tell. And Envy only offhandedly mentions a couple things to Lust and Gluttony, so nobody really knows, in a sense. In AUs though, I feel as though Kimblee will admit a little something to a few kind-of-friends like Isaac McDougal or Winry, but keep it as casual as possible (“Oh, yes. We get along very well. Why do you ask?”) while Envy is a complete tsundere about the whole thing.

What do their family/friends think of their relationship?

Any of Kimblee’s sort-of friends are thrilled for him, hoping that a stable relationship will help make him a little more normal, or at least a bit more mentally stable. Envy’s family isn’t too excited (at least, Pride and Father aren’t); they think that they’re too good for humans, and they’re disappointed in Envy for doing something that goes against the family’s general tendencies. Lust is on the fence about it; by virtue of her work, she doesn’t like the idea of Envy getting too attached to anybody, worried that they’re only going to get hurt in the end. Greed’s really excited about it, though; he loves that Envy’s starting to appreciate humans, even if it’s only one very weird human in particular.

Who is more likely to start dancing with the other?

Not really either (too shy!) but it would probably be Kimblee if anybody. One of the songs on my Kimvy playlist is “Fly Me to the Moon” by Frank Sinatra (because both Frank and Kims wear fedoras; why else? It’s silly, but I like it for them), and I can imagine him getting in a rare dancing mood if a similar song came on on the radio.

Who cooks more/who is better at cooking?

Wow, I have so many cooking headcanons for them! Well, Kimblee certainly likes cooking more; he thinks that he’s really good at it, cooking all these Parisian-type recipes and following each one to the letter. Unfortunately, he’s overshooting his skill level, and there’s always something off about his chicken cordon bleu or whatever else he’s decided to make. The food never crashes and burns, but it’s always pretty weird. Envy, on the other hand, dislikes cooking, but is decently good at it; they had to do the cooking for their family “growing up,” as Lust can’t cook to save her life, Pride, Sloth, Greed and Wrath all flat-out refused, and Gluttony only ate the raw ingredients. They stick to easy, filling recipes that take minimal time to prepare (they’re an expert at Kraft Dinner, for example).

Who comes up with cheesy pick up lines?

Both, but neither thinks of them as cheesy (even though they are); they think of them as deep, meaningful poetry.

Who whispers inappropriate things in the other’s ear during inappropriate times?

I don’t think that either talks about *that* kind of inappropriate at any time at all, but I think that they both could do this, snarkily commentating on mistakes that a speaker is making, or something similar.

Who needs more assurance?

Envy, absolutely; they’re always worrying over something-- they get kind of jealous of Kims spending time with anybody else (in my AU, at least, he and Isaac McDougal debate conspiracy theories in Isaac’s apartment, sometimes-- time that CAN and SHOULD be spent with Envy). They’re also pretty self-conscious of their true forms, and need fairly frequent reminders that, no, Kimblee thinks that their true forms are most interesting and amusing, and, no he doesn’t think that they’re repulsive. Kimblee surprisingly needs a bit more than you’d think, though. He knows that people think he’s strange, and he usually doesn’t care, but he, to his own shock, sometimes gets a little worried over the idea that maybe Envy thinks he’s strange too, too odd to bother with, or that he’s not useful enough or too weak.

What would be their theme song?

This one’s tricky… I’ve found it difficult to find songs that are about Bad People, but not in a one-sided, abusive way… although I feel like the one-sided aspect works for their early relationship (like what we can extrapolate about Ishval) fairly well. I’ve made a playlist for writing, but nothing fits perfectly… for now, I’d have to say that “I’m Not Scared” by Eighth Wonder/Pet Shop Boys is a fairly good fit (either version is good).The lyrics are really introspective and ambiguous, which fits Kimblee’s POV pretty well, I think. Also, the Halestorm cover of “Bad Romance” is cheesy, but fun, and always gets me in the mood to write for them (that one’s more Envy’s POV, I think?)

Who would sing to their child back to sleep?

Child? What child? Such evil people should not be trusted with children. *hides my self-indulgent Kimvy baby behind my back* It would have to be Kimblee; Envy only ever sings emo rock songs in the shower, and never sings otherwise. Kimblee, on the other hand, knows how to keep a tune at least, and would gladly sing “Wiegenlied” or another lullaby for the poor kid.

What do they do when they’re away from each other?

In canon, of course, they just keep on doing their work. If they happen to bump into each other, it’s a happy coincidence, but they don’t expect to see each other; life’s all about doing work and getting ready for the Promised Day, and there’s not much time for interpersonal drama.

In AUs… they get pretty codependent, actually, because they are each the best friend the other’s ever had, and, with less world-shaking crises and important work, there’s more room for angst and a greater need to talk about everyday problems, so they find it a little harder to deal with any long-term separation after they’ve gotten used to being around each other. Both of them tend to bury themselves in their work and keep away from society; they’re much more up to going to parties and other gatherings when they can stand in the corner and laugh at everyone together.

one headcanon about this OTP that breaks your heart

Ahh, well, not a headcanon per se, more of a fanfic idea actually, but I had an idea about Envy accidentally or out of anger hurting/killing Kimblee, misjudging their own strength, or forgetting that Kimblee doesn’t have a healing factor, or something along those lines, and then, when he doesn’t instantly recover, they’re frantically scrambling to find some way, any way, to heal him, but it’s TOO LATE. Or, if he doesn’t die, they have to have a long, awkward talk, and all their trust in each other has to be rebuilt all over again. This isn’t really a headcanon, though; more of a “what-if.”

one headcanon about this OTP that mends it

I don’t even know…this is a large “headcanon,” I guess, but I have this whole slowburn progression written out in my head where they just keep learning and improving their relationship, from being a really unequal “god/ess from Olympus descends upon the lucky mortal” into more of a weird quasi-romantic friendship that resembles what we see in canon, and then keeps going farther. They can learn a lot from each other-- I mean, it’s not as if Kimblee will be reformed by Envy, but he will have to question a lot of his basic assumptions about the homunculi and their purpose by hanging with one of them, and Envy will also have to do the same about humans, so they may wind up becoming slightly better people out of it all… same goes for an AU, although it would be less about immortals vs. mortals, and probably a bit more about social status, or something, but the same types of worldview reform would have to take place. It just makes me happy to think about them constantly reforming their worldviews rather than just leaving them stagnant.

Thanks so much again; this was really fun to write and figure out!

[monstersinthecosmos]

Bro. Armand for the character thing.

OH BOY OH BOY

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life

hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang 

hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff

best quality: He enters each century curious and ready to LEARN SHIT. I think he’s a lot more sensitive and emotional than he leads on and it’s kind of a miracle when you consider how his life has been. I love that he’s still open to learning how to love people and that despite his icy exterior that appears to be THE SAVAGE AND IGNORANT SOUL OF A CHILD, he’s actually kinda needy and codependent. He’s a lot more wise and patient than he lets on, I think. I also think his psychic powers are formidable and admirable even though he can’t communicate with his mouth for shit. 

worst quality: He’s had a sketchy past and done some shitty things. I am willing to look past most of them because I can’t even blame him after how hardcore traumatized he was. I think it’s worth noting that I don’t hold immortals to the same moral standards as I hold REGULAR PEOPLE because he’s got eternity to atone for what he’s done and grow from it, and I think it’s incredible how much he’s grown and changed after having Louis and Daniel in his life, and that’s important to me when it comes to looking at the bad shit. 

ship them with: Daniel AAF

brotp them with: VITTORIO OKAY. Also Bianca, Benji, Sybelle, Lestat.

needs to stay away from: If I thought Marius was unredeemable, I’d say Marius. But I don’t believe that and I think they need to like sit down and have a fucking talk that might be good for both of them going forward into ETERNITY please you fucks please communicate. 

misc. thoughts: ARMAND IS THE MOST INTERESTING CHARACTER TO ME IN THIS SERIES. I think he’s generally a good dude, even when he hasn’t  been one in the past, I think he wants to be good. He also shoulders responsibilities for covens (even in the new books opening his homes to everyone) and I think it makes him take some hard lines when it comes to things he finds acceptable and like, clearing out the youngins and stuff. But I think in general he’s doing his best. I’m also fascinated by the theme in the series about the effect your mortal age has on your vampire temperament and how he has a tendency to run a little cold and bratty sometimes. He’s also, for the most part, never really complained about being a vampire, and I find that super interesting. I MEAN LIKE POOR KID WAS GROOMED AND BRAINWASHED TO BE A VAMPIRE SO I GUESS IT WAS TO BE EXPECTED FROM HIS HUMAN LIFE but still, I mean we don’t hear from him a TON outside TVL and TVA (B&G cannot be trusted in this instance) but he seems pretty chill and okay with being a vampire most of the time. MAN I LOVE THIS KID OKAY. Presh. 

[tori10rambles]

Secret Ending 1 Time! I'm a bit overwhelmed. Secret Ending 2 coming later on before I go to bed, probably.

Doing this by episode instead of character for once.

also, please note that anything I write concerning mental health, mental illness and therapy is done based on my own (limited) experience with such things. As such, these opinions may sound limited and condescending due to my own biases. Nothing is meant to offend.

  Episode 1

Rika and V are SERIOUSLY codependent, it sounds like.

Jumin's plans for the RFA are A++.

Meowy is fucking savage, even when it's not meant to be . I love it so much.

is2g, I hope MC knows how to use a gun.

I want to say I'm surprised by how much Saeran hates Saeyoung, but all things considered, I am not.

...How often has Saeran dreamt of Saeyoung dying? Wait. I don't want to know.

I feel like Saeran and Vanderwood would actually get along better than Vanderwood and Saeyoung? If only because they'd have fun bitching about Saeyoung

So... Vanderwood feels like Saeyoung was being reckless with his life while he was under their supervision?

Personal loyalty is TOTALLY Saeyoung's fatal flaw jfc.

Although, I love how Saeyoung managed to manipulate Vanderwood.

And yeah, serious!Saeyoung is hella attractive.

We totally owe you one, Vanderwood.

The things Saeyoung does for his twin... knocking him out I mean

DID YOU ACTUALLY GET SHOT!? If I didn't already hate that damn agency, I certainly do now

Oh thank god he’s okay for now

lololol, we're not married.

...I am not surprised that Saeran just called us into his cult, but I'm strangely hurt? Why? I don't understand why this hurts.

V!? WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK. WHY. WHAT. My brain. It hurts. You know, along with my feelings.

Episode 2

Rika and V's first meeting is surprisingly cute. And V is surprisingly smooth.

I really wanna know where the hell they get V from Jihyun Kim.

Wait, so you're blinded, but your first priority is still Rika? That's some serious love/loyalty there.

Thank you Vanerwood, for asking the real questions here.

Who is this fucking Savior!?

Wait, what did Saeran do to their mom? I feel like that was an implied "Saeran had her killed"

Episode 3

Therapy? What therapy?

isn't therapy is designed to make you face the parts of you you don't accept? because you need to accept the flawed parts of yourself so you can try to make them better?

...you have a HORRIBLE therapist, Rika. You know, unless you're lying. I wouldn't be surprised if you were lying to get out of therapy.

So Rika's depressed and has anxiety AT LEAST. Well, no wonder the RFA is full of damaged souls, if Rika brought them all togethr. Like calls to like after all.

I realize you want to know more, V, but that's such a rude way of asking. And it sounds less like you care about her and more like you care about her suffering specifically.

Pretending doesn't help anyone!

Forgiveness is not for the other person though! It's for you! So the person you forgive no longer has a hold on your life. Why waste time on those people and how they hurt you? You're worth more than that.

V... that is... that sounds like you're romanticizing her pain jfc. Even Rika noticed.

So, on top of the anxiety and depression, there's suicidal ideations. And V is basically NOT EQUIPPED for this.

Jesus, these two are twisted.

If this is love, I want no part of it.

NO V. YOU SHOULD NOT BE WILLING TO LET YOUR S/O HURT YOU AND STILL LOVE THEM. THAT IS ABUSE AND NO ONE DESERVES THAT.

THIS IS EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION ON BOTH PARTS AND THIS IS AN UNHEALTHY WHY ARE YOU TWO TOGETHER!?

RELATIONSHIP AND I AM SUDDENLY VERY FUCKING FRIGHTENED OF ANYTHING THESE TWO DO TOGETHER.

I feel like Rika's the real sun here, which warms and gives life, but can also burn anything that touches it.

FUCKING... RIKA'S THE SAVIOR. GODDAMN. 

You know, given her "love" for V, and how he claims to be her sun, I am not surprised she named a goddamn cult after him. who else in this fucking game has mint green eyes? Saeran does, but I'm 110% sure that's contacts.

MC IS SO FUCKING PASSIVE OMG. Although, her taking the wheel last episode was awesome

Thank god the RFA has our backs.

So... Saeran is basically Natasha Romanoff in the Winter Soldier, but with less benign intentions.

Rika, for all that you claim to love V... this is not convincing me of that "fact."

Also, if I needed more evidence that Saeran's being manipulated, this conversation is it.

Episode 4

yes, negligence is a crime, but honestly, the direction your putting that fact in is scaring the shit out of me

Oh thank god that V recognizes those thoughts of Rika's sound more like a dictatorship.

Wow Rika... if you think V doesn't have any fears and that he doesn't understand, you are DEFINITELY not in the right relationship.

Rika... saving people who don't want to be saved doesn't help. Just makes them more likely to rebel. And now I'm getting CACW!Captain America vibes from her

You are about as stable as the San Andreas fault line, Rika.

V, PLEASE DO MORE TO CONVINCE RIKA TO STOP. although you obviously fail.

...V sounds like a masochist.

So... V is doing this to protect the RFA? And omf, yeah, V is DEFINITELY where Saeyoung got his self sacrificing tendencies from

Saeran is about as free from pain as I am from confusion at the moment. That is to say, he's a fucking wreck.

Yeah, I'm pretty fucking sure you don't love V. Just what he can do for you.

RIKA DID EVERYTHING WRONG. EVERYTHING IS RIKA'S FAULT. or just about. Although I do blame V as well.

I understand that bae wants to kill V for this, and honestly, that he's more upset about Saeran than himself, but there's no way I'm letting him kill someone for it

I love (not the sarcasm) how V's entire idea for saving everyone is so dependent on Rika going back to her previous self. Which... will never happen. You can't go back. Only forward.

Yes, let's get out of here first before we try to kill/blame each other.

Episode 5

RIKA BLINDED HIM!? WHAT THE EVER LOVING... I mean, I guess she's just trying to get him to put his money where his mouth is. But that's just cruel. also, this is the moment he should have realized he wasn't enough to help her, and that maybe this is an unhealthy relationship

Jumin Han and bodyguards to the rescue, I hope?

Meowy to the rescue! Also, Tomatohead programmed a cat that fetched them tomatoes. That is actually kind of hilarious, if it weren't for the situation they're in.

BE MORE ASSERTIVE V JFC.

Episode 6

You know, if I had any doubts this was a goddamn cult, the opening scene shattered all of them.

Yup, Rika just manipulated and used Saeran. I am not surprised.

Saeran... despite all the bullshit he's done, I feel bad for him now.

Ayyyyy, she even admitted it's goddamn brainwashing.

Saeyoung... I knew you'd do that.

Goddamnit, get up! you're not dying on us!

...Where the fuck did Saeran hide a goddamn gun?

The opposing thoughts of smol!Saeran and MintEye!Saeran are jarring. Also really depressing.

Medicine of salvation? more like brainwashing drugs. You've already said it out loud once.

Ahahaha... I am not surprised Saeran blamed V? I am somehow ALSO not  surprised V got shot? Just... really sad, because he's a kind of a tragic character.

Hindsight's a bitch, ain't it V?

Episode 7

Yo... so she actually DOES still love him? I mean, if she's going into shock with him dying and all that?

Hey look, it's Jumin's guards. took em long enough

So yeah, that was probably assisted suicide on V's part? Like, I can't see him being willing to live while Rika treated him like crap and basically was going to kill him anyway?

Also, the fact that she now has aphasia actually calms me a bit, because she can't manipulate people with her words anymore unless she's like, typing or something.

But why are Zen and Yoosung being kept out of the loop? I'm confused, since the RFA is all about trust and everything now.

yeah, if Saeran isn't getting ALL THE FUCKING THERAPY, i'd be having WORDS with everyone. Quite loudly.

lololol I was right, Zen was shocked by Vanderwood.

Also, Vanderwood with OCD is probably a result of picking up after our favorite mess.

the messenger should be truthful, but this group is just really bad at doing so

I hope Saeyoung takes his own advice and tries to live a selfish life now

I CANNOT BELIEVE SHE ISN’T BEHIND BARS WTFH!?!?!?

I am not satisfied with Rika being free, even if she’s mute. But I’m glad Saeran was saved, and sad that V is now dead. But goddamn, no one should have let V and Rika stay together. They’re... really bad for each other honestly. That was not a healthy relationship.