#i had too many wips going on and lost confidence in all of them

[ectoodle]

Hello! I wanted to ask what made you fall in love with bingqiu?

Hey there!

Ah hmm that's an interesting question, I've never thought about it actually. I like bingqiu a lot, but I never considered it as falling in love with the ship? They're a fun ship to play with and they have a wide range that's pretty flexible so I'm always in my comfort zone drawing them.

I suppose most of the art I draw for bingqiu are a love letter to them, though. And I think that's pretty telling of my brain rot for them 😂

I think the food the fandom cooked up really helped a lot. SV fic writers are on a whole other plane of existence when it comes to analyzing binghe's character and filling in on his journey of healing with sqq by his side. I'm the annoying type of audience that gets bored when the main couple gets together at the end...so when scum villain ended the way it did, mxtx may as well have german suplexed me on the concrete. scum villain is a story that subverts its tropes left and right and the ending was no exception! I love that bingqiu getting together at the end was not an automatic happily ever after, but rather, they still are putting in the work and effort to understand and stay in each other's lives. The glimpse of that path we get in the extras really did solidify my desire to see how bingqiu will continue to stay together--bingmei vs bingge extra was probably the finishing blow for me tho lmao. I couldn't stop thinking about what the heck happened to bingge after he left the sv world that I read a bunch of fics about him and needed to soothe the angst with sv bingqiu

on a side tangent, bingqiu parallels another of my all time ship, nozomizo from liz and the blue bird. mild spoilers if you haven't seen liz, but nozomizo had a similar codependent relationship that needed them both to grow apart as individuals in order to stay together. bingqiu separated unwillingly and binghe's growth as an individual was fueled by betrayal, despair, and that dying glimmer of hope that maybe, maybe shizun could accept him now that they're equals. but they don't. because binghe still hasn't emotionally grown to get past his temper tantrums (thanks xin mo) and sqq is still failing binghe by constantly misunderstanding him. but bingqiu still choose each other, choose to love and support each other, and they refuse to be separated again. whereas nozomizo was a healthy separation with a promise of reunion, bingqiu was fighting through the muddy trenches with a vague hope that the other is reaching out their hands too. i thought it was neat how differently both ships handled their codependency that still guarantees a happy ending, no matter how dirty and bruised they got along the way.

I also think sqq's compassionate narration in regards to binghe's suffering got to me lmao. He truly does care for binghe, and even if naysayers argue it's not romantic, it's undeniable that binghe is special to sqq. although not the best choices, most if not all of his choices were for binghe's best interest (thanks system). sqq had so much heart for binghe that it affected me through the screen too. binghe's abandonment issues and fake wet tears have captivated me. his gap moe as a chuuni emo demonic overlord and wife with a maidenly glass heart has bewitched me body and soul. i want luo binghe to be happy so badly!!

i think that's why bingqiu fascinates me. most of the bingqiu arts i draw are like slice of life vignettes, so without the meat and bones of fanfic diving into bingqiu's messiness, i would not have ascended to this level of brain rot for them...

[soshadysoquiet]

TUA fanfic WIP: Sibling Beach Trip

I've recently devoured @assaily 's WIP posts and you know what, why hoard all of my WIPs when I may never finish them and people might enjoy them?

Having said that this isn't a snippet so much as it's a 2 thirds done fic that I've lost inspiration for the ending for so grab yourself a drink and enjoy!

Working Title: Beach No Beach. Love a working title

Length: 6k. Self control? Who is she?

Premise: Post apocalypse a family beach trip is proposed. Five has his reservations and is finding real life hard to adjust to, but he'll go if that's the Sibling Movement of the week. This is basically a slice of life fic that I'm pretty sure was going to build to Diego needing to save Five from drowning at the beach, because of course it was, but I think the rest of this has enough low-level angst and family moments to be entertaining on it's own.

Warnings: This fic discusses body dysmorphia in small detail and has underage drinking from Five.

It was embarrassing. More than embarrassing, really.

Shameful.

But Five couldn’t swim.

They’d had what constituted as ‘lessons’ when they were kids, apparently. Five had very limited memories of life before the Apocalypse, and often they seemed more surreal than anything.

‘We did?’ He asked blankly, barely looking over his morning cup of coffee to Viktor and Klaus.

‘All the time bro!’ Klaus replied breathily, laughing, eyes just a little wide in the thrill of memory, or possibly at Five not remembering something. ‘You don’t remember the pool? I’m pretty sure Dad blocked off the door after we started sneaking down there to play.’

‘I remember.’ Viktor nodded along, smile curling his lips so that his face lit up. ‘That’s how we found about Diego-‘

‘And his creepy fish power!’ Klaus looked ready to implode with hysteria and even Viktor bent to the table with a snort before looking between them.

‘You really don’t remember that?’

‘Diego isn’t a fish…’ He spoke slowly. He was talking to children after all. Or maybe he was hallucinating again. It happened. Hiding his grimace, Five took a sip.

‘Yeah! Yeah he can really hold his breath, come on you have to remember that, we teased him for weeks!’

‘Yeah that was kinda mean of us.’ Viktor grimaced a little into his own coffee. Probably for no reason, Viktor at that age wouldn’t have said Boo to a goose.

Hold his breath? It almost was a memory. Someone laughing, Diego pouting, then throwing a fit.

‘I think I’d remember us finding out about that.’

‘Maybe you blocked it out, it was pretty horrible at the time.’ The tone shifted after Viktor’s words.

‘Why doesn’t that surprise me.’

‘What doesn’t surprise you?’ Diego.

‘Speak of the devil!’ Klaus chorused, Five flinched a little at Diego’s hand falling briefly onto his shoulder as he passed. But it was barely noticeable now, he’d almost got a hang on it. ‘We were reminiscing about the time Dear old Dad decided to test out our underwater endurance.’

‘You mean when he held us all under the water until you all near passed out and I beat all your asses.’

‘Definitely would have remembered that one.’ Five murmured, covering up the chill skipping over his flesh.

‘Technically you didn’t beat my ass, since I wasn’t included in How to Drown Your Kids 101.’ Viktor replied with a darkly amused smirk and the sort of steel satisfaction that only true trauma inspired.

‘Well I’d have beaten you too.’ Diego retorted, confident as he went about fetching some ungodly looking juice concoction from the fridge.

How many different fruits went into just that, how many vegetables? The math wasn’t worth it, wasn’t worth the pang of mixed dread and desire it inspired in him.

‘And then we all called you, ah, well, never mind eh?’ Diego’s glare had silenced Klaus.

‘For the record, we’re sorry.’ Viktor offered, voice so gentle and meaning.

‘I’ve got nothing to be sorry for.’ Five retorted. He wasn’t there after all, and he was above childish name calling. He had found more creative insults.

‘Well you got off the hook easily anyway, you weren’t even there.’ Diego chimed in, but did take the time to nod to Viktor in a passing sense of camaraderie. He sat heavily at the table and looked at them all as he took a drink. ‘What brought this on anyway?’

‘We’re trying to convince little Fivey-‘

‘Older than you!’ His insistence was soundly ignored.

‘To come to the beach with us all at the weekend.’ Diego hastily swallowed the mouthful of his juice. What could all those ingredients even taste like together? Five shook his head at the sight.

‘Hell yeah you should come! You don’t get out enough.’

‘I get out plenty.’

‘To the library maybe.’ Klaus mumbled, twiddling with the buttons undone on his shirt.

‘Come on Five, it would be fun!’

‘Would it really?’ He sighed, wished he’d just blinked back up to his room with the coffee.

‘Its the beach bro.’ Diego’s voice was so deadpan that Five managed to feel insulted.

‘There isn’t even anything there! It’s all dead anyway!’ One of his hands gestured with the coffee cup for effect as he complained but the others were staring at him and, oh, right. Nervously he cleared his throat. ’I mean-‘

‘No, no what is it?’ Klaus was too gentle. They’d started doing this recently, paying attention to him rather than responding with their own drama and pushing what he said aside. Five didn’t know what to do with it. And it only took a few rapid equations to work out the cheapest way out of this situation.

‘Fine I’ll go. But don’t expect me to enjoy it.’ He blinked away. But not far.

Paranoid.

‘Alright alright.’ Five muttered quietly at Dolores’ imagined critique from where he sat in the pantry, listening.

‘Well, that was surprisingly easy, only took ten minutes.’ Klaus sounded both pleased and a little disappointed. Had he not wanted Five to come after all, or had he just wanted to do more wheedling?

‘What do you think he meant by it being dead?’ Viktor asked, voice contemplative and too damn observant.

‘I swear to God Klaus, if you making him go to the beach causes another apocalypse-‘

Diego and Klaus devolved into childish squabbles and Five blinked out of the pantry.

The beach huh. He hadn’t seen it in decades. He’d only been the once. If they’d ever done any missions by the sea as children Five certainly didn’t remember it.

It could be nice this time.

‘We can’t swim Dolores.’ In the emptiness of his room, the reminder drifted lifeless. He’d learned that one the hard way. ‘And only you can float.’

-

A weekend beach trip sounded like hell to Five but apparently he was one of the few. Yet it was interesting that the closer they got to the date the more cracks appeared in the others’ armour.

Diego would boast about his abilities, but when Luther had guffawed ‘oh my god! Fish-Boy!’ Their knife-wielding vigilante had begun to stammer on and off when they talked about the ocean. Allison had bitched at Luther down the phone for it, as had Klaus in person. Five had been listening in on parts of the phone call.

Because he liked to hear their voices, not because he was paranoid, Dolores!

But it wasn’t just Diego.

Allison had sounded hesitant, and wanted to bring Claire, but remained nervous about mixing Claire with their family. Five usually made himself scarce on the rare occasions that Allison brought Claire around. It had only been twice, but no matter how much he wanted to meet her, Five didn’t have anything to fall back on when interacting with people outside his siblings. Unless they were a threat, or it was for less than two minutes.

Three minutes fifteen had been his record, at the library where he went to practice. And after that he’d had to go hide in the bathroom stall and have a minor panic attack.

With people that mattered it was harder. Because there was only so long Five could talk to someone who mattered before he fucked it up. He’d only been able to say ‘Hi, nice to meet you’ to Claire before becoming overwhelmed by her childlike open-stare and making an excuse to run away. But he wasn’t the only reason for Allison’s hesitance.

Five thought she was worried about the crazy rubbing off.

During last month’s visit Klaus had told Claire the story of Dead Uncle Ben after she’d caught Klaus talking to what looked like thin air. Five had overheard on the phone call the week after how Claire had begun ‘talking to Dead Uncle Ben’ at school. For a custody battle situation, it was understandably a nightmare.

Diego always had knives on him, and children had sticky fingers. Claire kept trying to pull them out from Diego’s pockets and holsters and fingers. It wasn’t as if Diego encouraged or approved of it, but he had offered to teach her before he’d caught Allison’s look. And even at the beach Diego would probably be packing at least three knives. Probably more.

Luther had been fine at first, and was Claire’s favourite uncle. But then  the Holy Trinity of Stupid; hitherto named Klaus, Luther and Diego, had loudly reminisced about the all the times Luther had accidentally injured them during training when they were kids. Even Five had joined in; Luther  smacking him hard enough into the wall after a mis-timed jump and cracking his arm during combat training were ironically some of his clearer memories. Allison trusted Luther with Claire’s life, but she had looked a little green around the gills as they all laughed about it.

Viktor hadn’t done anything to directly inspire worry, but Allison had told Luther she was worried about Claire finding out what she’d done to her sibling when they were children. Five had stopped listening to the phone call once Allison started crying, feeling more than a little guilty about his eavesdropping.

So, Allison was apprehensive about Family Fun-Time at the Beach because it involved Family Fun-Time. Otherwise known as ill-facilitated chaos.

Klaus worried about taking Ben to the ocean and Ben being sad about only being able to be so-corporeal in the ocean. A guilt Five felt Klaus didn’t need to put on himself, given that without him there would be no beach for Ben. But he’d been told he had a rather unsympathetic view on things and asked to leave. It didn’t help that Ben was apparently desperate to go to the ocean and also sad about it, apparently.

Or so Five could tell from what he’d heard when he stood nearby Klaus’ room at night, or followed him at night down the street, or when he was hiding in the pantry eating fluffed-nutter sandwiches and just listening to his siblings being alive.

-

Friday lunchtime and Five thought that most of the pre-beach drama had probably run its course, that said nothing for what would blow up when they were actually there in typical Hargreeves-style. And he counted the journey to and from as a separate nightmarish entity altogether, but at least this time he was one of the cats to be herded, not the one doing the herding. Small mercies.

They were just lucky that Lila had decided not to come. Apparently their powers ‘gave her a headache’ whilst she was pregnant. Five had gone to visit her out of boredom and sibling duty, and swore to report back on the idiocy for her, and had somehow gotten roped into shopping.

‘Just zap us all there, I want to feel alive again.’

‘You could do it yourself.’ He pointed out, and she groaned and grabbed his hand. They did that a lot, held hands. Five had actually come to enjoy the brusque contact with his most violent sister. There remained a certain comfort in the knowledge he was holding the hand of another killer.

‘Don’t be a prick.’ She groaned. He waited, brow raised. ‘Look you’re more practiced than me alright! I don’t want to jump there and find out little Lila Junior is all over the floor somewhere else!’

‘Okay that’s disgusting.’ He’d blinked them just to stop the conversation, but not so quick that he hadn’t seen her wicked grin at his pain.

And, of course, after jumping that far, he didn’t have the juice to escape.

‘Do you even own anything that isn’t some god-awful dark academia bullshit?’

‘Rich coming from a punk.’

‘You’re going to the beach not a banquet-‘ They’d snapped and bitten at each other whilst grinning through their shark teeth and Lila had forced him to buy a pair of truly heinous swimming trunks about the length of the Academy shorts he’d used to wear. At least until Allison had dragged him out shopping again.

‘You wore that nice suit in the Sparrow timeline, you do not need to go back to looking like a prep-school kid.’

At least Allison had taste.

And secretly, Five had been glad that someone had made him do it. Old routines were the hardest to break for him when they seemed so ultimately unimportant.

‘Sunglasses!’ Lila belted out, breaking his musings and dragged him roughly over to a stand. She’d fussed over trying on shades and insisting on him doing the same and Five had allowed himself to pick out a pair he actually quite liked.

They suit you better than those goggles. Five huffed a smile at that. Dolores always had deplored his apocalyptic wardrobe.

‘I just, I want to be out there, but I’m not sure I’m ready to be out there.’ Five’s head popped up over the sunglasses stand.

‘Viktor? Luthor?’

‘Five!’

‘Lila?’

‘There’s the boys! No Klaus?’

‘He was, um, what are you doing here?’ Luther stumbled the words, other than Klaus and Five, the siblings were still somewhat awkward around Diego’s partner. Lila didn’t let it show, but Five thought the distance there bothered her. Five certainly wasn’t the one to know what to do about it. Klaus had told him he ‘imprinted’, like a duckling, and that had been enough ‘friendship’ talk to last another lifetime.

And he got embarrassed enough by Diego’s obvious happiness at him taking the time to include Lila.

Five held up the shorts he was being frog-marched into buying.

Not that there was a point, because he wouldn’t be stepping foot in the ocean ever again.

‘Apparently this is required dress code.’

‘Oh, same.’ Luther grinned a bit, before his face fell. Viktor, who’d been the one talking earlier, looked a little sullen.

‘No offence, but me and my spawn are going to walk away from all this.’ Lila gestured and excited stage left back towards the child section where, embarrassingly, Five had just come from to get the shorts in his hand. She had meant that their powers were bothering her, a weird pregnancy side-effect, but the pair of them looked a little slapped in the face.

‘What’s up with you two?’ Five asked, coming around the sunglasses stand to eye them up and down better. ‘Was it Diego? It’s usually Diego.’

‘What? No.’ Luther insisted. Viktor cleared his throat.

‘It’s just,’ Viktor paused for a breath and looked to Luther, who nodded encouragingly. ‘It’s hard to, cross some hurdles, with the dysmorphia.’

‘It’ll get easier, or I hope it will.’ Luther’s half-encouragement was half-hearted but well meaning, and Viktor offered him a small sad smile. Five just frowned at them.

‘Dysmorphia?’ He rolled the word around, squinting. ‘The medical condition?’ He frowned harder. In a sense, Luther’s ape-like physicality could be called that. But Sloane had gone a long way to helping with that. But she wasn’t fully welcomed into the loving disaster that was his family yet, so she wouldn’t be at the beach. Maybe that was the problem.

He’d said the wrong thing, Luther was flushed in embarrassment and Viktor put a hand on his arm before cutting in.

‘No, well-‘

‘Sort of, in my case. Both I guess.’ Luther spoke over Viktor, seeming to pull in his confidence with a truly remarkable strength. Strength of character that their father had always failed to measure. Much like Viktor’s patience.

‘Body dysmorphia. It’s when you might feel like the way your body looks isn’t how you think it should be. It’s how I felt, before. And somedays there’s another new hurdle to cross.’

‘It’s not comfortable, the idea of being on show like that.’ They managed their words with aplomb, but Five was somewhere between them and himself.

Maybe that was selfish, but he found himself looking at his own hands as they spoke, jaw a little slack.

Dysmorphia.

‘Oh.’ He didn’t have many more words for them, but the silence suggested he should, so he pulled away from himself and looked to them again. ‘What are you going to do about it?’

Taken aback a little by the blunt question, they looked at each other. Viktor found his voice first.

‘We were debating between making a ’t-shirts are ok’ pact or a-‘

‘’Skin or nothing’ oath.’ Luther finished. Five didn’t think he had the skill set to say the right thing.

You do. Dolores insisted softly. You’re kinder than you think.

‘Well, let me know what you decide.’ He offered, hoping he was somewhere on the track to wiping the misery off their faces. Three apocalypses and it’s still the human condition bringing us all down. ‘I’ll join you.’ Decidedly he nodded, and turned to make sure Lila wasn’t getting caught shoplifting. Honestly her skills needed some improvement. Although she would probably say the same about him.

Viktor and Luther’s seaside-problems Five could understand maybe a bit better on a personal level than those afflicting the rest of his family, because there was a certain degree of dysmorphia to all their bodily situations that didn’t bother dwelling on but couldn’t not be dwelt on at the beach. It wasn’t like he enjoyed looking at himself in the mirror, so on some level he got it.

He’d bring a t-shirt in case.

-

Despite their united worry, and Five’s pessimism, the Hargreeves family all descended on the mansion Friday evening for their trip to the beach the following day.

Five nearly blinked to the roof when Claire ran up and hugged him, standing with his fists clenched throughout and then vanishing behind the bar. As in hidden behind the bar. He had long ago sworn to Allison that he wouldn’t drink in front of Claire. They could at least both agree that she was a child.

Luther and surprisingly Viktor got drunk on the other side of the bar and Klaus merrily joined in.

Lila dropped Diego off to stay overnight since they had an early start come the morning, and Five contemplated blinking into their car to escape whilst Diego shouted at her to not do anything criminal while he was gone.

Allison escaped to smoke twice in between fretting about which sibling to entrust Claire to in the meantime, and quickly decided to just put Claire to bed instead.

Five listened to it all hidden behind the bar. Klaus knew he was there, he kept passing his glass down for Five to refill. Five left a shot out for Ben as well, because it felt polite, Even if apparently Ben disapproved of alcohol.

All too soon, they were turning in for the night in dribs and drabs.

Five hung on until the end. Surprisingly with Luther and Viktor.

‘Ahem.’ Luther cleared his throat and knocked a little sloppily on the bar top as they were turning to go. Five had been humming ‘Dream a little Dream of me’ for Dolores for the last few minutes and hiccupped himself to a stop. ‘For tomorrow, no shirts.’

‘No shirts!’ Viktor chorused loudly and very, very drunk, toppling a little from the sounds of it.

‘No shirts!’ Luther joined in and the pair stumbled up for the night.

‘No shirts.’ He toasted to the air, took his last swig and went to pick up Dolores-

But she wasn’t there. The shop had thrown her away.

In a flash the martini glass he’d been drinking from smashed against the bar where he’d thrown it.

You’re gonna have to clean that up now.

‘I know, I know.’

He ignored the catch in his voice as he moved to do just that, craving to hold her and getting glass shards instead.

—

‘Get up Five! Christ, there’s always one.’

‘And it’s usually him, or you. Actually it's usually you.’

‘Shut up and help me! Oh wait you can’t.’

‘Wow, low blow.’

‘Oh I can go lower-‘

‘Shut up.’ Five smacked his pillow at Klaus like a true teenager and glowered. His hair was ruffled and he smelt like a bar.

‘You look like some nasty little cat I found on the sidewalk and just want to put in a blanket,’ Klaus half-crooned, half sneered, grabbing his grumbling gremlin of a brother. ‘Now come on, get up and showered or Allison will have our asses.’

‘Have our asses!’ All three of them turned with slightly horrified gazes to see Claire standing in the door giggling, fingers pressed over her mouth and looking like she knew exactly what she was doing. The little tyrant. With a final giggle she turned and ran. ‘Mooooooom!’

‘No no no no no!’ Klaus abandoned Five to his fate and sprinted off after his favourite little terror of a niece. If she made it to Allison, they were all doomed.

She made it Allison.

Five managed to get himself somewhat presentable, down the stairs and into clothes. In fact they all did, more or les on time, it was a Hargreeves miracle.

‘Loving the shorts buddy. You needed more colour in your wardrobe.’

‘Keep talking and I’ll sk-‘ Five stopped himself, Ben snorted uncharitably behind Klaus’ shoulder as Claire looked eerily around at them, eyes wide and guileless. Klaus cleared his throat whilst Five’s brain seemed to re-wire itself, clutching his coffee for dear life and eyes shielded by shades. ‘Skkkunk you.’

‘Skunk you.’ Claire mouthed, hand benignly in Allison’s, eyes bright with hell-fire.

‘Skunk me?’ Klaus turned to Five again, disbelief and laughter battling for dominance in his chest. ‘That’s the best you could do?’

‘Keep talking, and you’ll find out.’ Five’s coffee got grumbled into and Ben guffawed behind them.

‘You’re both idiots.’

‘Shut up Ben!’

‘Dead Uncle Ben’s here?!’ Klaus shrivelled under the weight of Allison’s incredulous raised brows turning to him with the sweet promise of death as Ben ‘awwed’ behind him.

-

Allison had already had to put up with Claire having a tantrum about not being able to talk to Uncle Ben, and had thrown her hands in the air when  Klaus had said Ben also wanted to talk to Claire.

‘Sure, why not! Let’s just wheel her right into therapy rather than window-shopping it!’ She had stormed to the back of the bus and sat next to Five, because he was currently the quietest and she saw the least of him.

Ben’s blue conjured form absolutely enchanted Claire, and her eyes swelled so large and happy and un-affected by rumour as she looked gleefully between Dead Uncle Ben and her Mom that it made Allison’s heart lighter.

Watching Ben form into what existence Klaus could give him was always a delight, if a bittersweet one, and Allison found herself relaxing a bit at watching the joint joy on her child and brother’s faces.

They had taken the bus to the beach, changed three times and by the time the ocean breeze was coming salty and refreshing through the window Allison’s hungover siblings had drunk enough coffee, water and juice to grace the land of the living. Viktor and Luther had woken from their nap enough to tease Diego about his upcoming life of parenthood. She’d berate them, or join them, but honestly they were just the warm up act for the terror Allison herself could inspire if she told Diego the truth of parenting. But she didn’t quite want to do that.

Something in her knew the horrors too well to joke about them right now, the emotions always too present. And some dark voice inside her said that she didn’t get to lord it over anyone. Not with the mess she’d made the first time round.

And probably was making, letting her kid talk to her ghost Uncle.

‘It’ll be fine.’ Allison jolted a bit, and glanced down at Five, slumped still somewhat bonelessly, dressed in a plain top and tropical beach shorts that were almost the same shade of yellow as Allison’s own bikini under her wrap dress. Five was alert enough to be verbal, which was good, but not quite enough to move further down the bus and put up with their family’s particular brand of unending bullshit.

‘What will?’ She asked, bewildered. ‘This family trip? I’m pretty sure its’ already gone way better than it should, which means we’re due for a tsunami at least.’ He snickered at that and she smiled at the rarely heard sound.

‘Well I won’t disagree, but I meant Claire with Ben. If anyone can talk sense to her, it’s the one who usually holds the brain cell.’

And Five was somewhat right. Despite the way he very awkwardly coughed and looked through his fringe out the window when Claire came to sit between them.

‘Mom, I’m sorry about pretending to see Dead Uncle, I mean, Uncle Ben at school. I know it’s a Serious Topic now.’ She nodded solemnly, and Allison felt her face crease up in adoration at the attemptive-adult look on her daughter’s angelic face. And the apology that she wasn’t sure she deserved, but couldn’t help melting over. ‘But that doesn’t mean I’ll stop talking about him because Uncle Ben and Death are important.’ And just like that, adoration turned to the sort of disbelief that only children could inspire. Five snorted.

‘Smart kid.’ He muttered, and Allison found her smile reforming.

‘Thank you Claire, and you’re right, those are important topics. We’ll have a talk about bluntness at, a much, much later date.’ Because there were only so many Serious Parenting Moments she could handle before 10 in the morning. She thought she had an easy out, but then Five was turning to Claire with a devilish look at Allison over his glasses and a truly awful smile. Her stomach dropped.

‘Whatever she says don’t listen to her, your Mom mastered bluntness at age Six.’

‘Six?!’

‘Six.’ Five nodded.

‘I think you should go talk to Uncle Ben while he’s here sweetie, Uncle Klaus can only keep him visible so long-‘

‘But I wanna talk to Uncle Five too!’

‘No you don’t-‘ Allison and Five flashed each other an awkward look at their matching words.

‘Hey Claire! Claire! Wanna see the octopus in Uncle Ben’s belly-‘

‘NO SHOWING HER THE HORROR!’ Allison shouted as Claire squealed and ran for a glaring Ben and shit-eating Klaus.

She didn’t have one child, she had a whole bus of them.

-

The beach spray in the air wasn’t like he’d thought it would be.

Five watched the unreal blue hue of the ocean, heard the waves crash rather than slosh thickly, felt sand rather than trash and rubble under his feet.

It was beautiful.

‘So, we doing this?’

‘We’re doing this.’ He glanced to Luther and Viktor. They’d set up their family’s base-camp on the beach, and Allison was over at the nearby changing huts getting Claire sorted. Diego had set them up under one of the available umbrellas and was lecturing Klaus on sunscreen. Because of course he was.

Red rays from the too-hot sunlight burnt through the distorted atmosphere, piercing dust-and-storm clouds, lighting the grey sloshing water in an eerie light.

‘Don’t you want to swim? I always wanted to swim.’

‘Hey Five!’ Sand hit him in the face. Five spluttered and spun around. No crap littering the golden sands. Just his family and the blue tide. Disguising his shaky breath, Five glared at Diego. ‘You too, sun cream, come on line up.’

‘Sun cream Nazi.’

‘Want me to spray it in your face Klaus?’ Klaus just groaned, turning around obediently as Diego sprayed an endless can of aerosol ‘factor 30’ onto his pale skin.

‘Might as well get it over with Five. He’ll have his way.’ Klaus pouted.

‘That I will, alright, you’re done, come back in three hours.’

‘Alright Mom.’ Klaus mocked with a grin and escaped away, donning his brimmed hat and heading to the ocean.

‘You’re up.’ Diego beckoned him over and Five shook his head snorting.

‘The sun’s not even radioactive at this point.’ Diego stared and then grabbed him.

‘You’re the most in danger, young skin is important to protect.’

‘Get off me!’ Five snatched the can and roughly sprayed over himself before throwing it back. ‘Happy?’

‘That’s not how you apply sunscreen bro.’

‘Its literally what you just did.’

‘No sunscreen, no sun.’ Diego stated with an impressive amount of finality and pointed at the towels under the parasol where Viktor and Luther were lurking. Beyond them, Allison was running after Claire to the water.

‘Fine by me.’ He wasn’t swimming anyway, and he’d had enough of the sun’s harsh rays. Diego seemed appeased, and headed to the ocean himself.

Five settled down and, seeing his remaining brothers had already removed their shirts, did the same. Solidarity and all.

Job done, he settled back, and watched the ocean.

It was even more mesmeric now than it had been back then, thick with ash and ruined life, but the largest amount of water he’d seen in months.

He hadn’t washed in months.

Is it even real? Dolores laughed at him

‘Of course it’s real.’ Walking there had been a dream, heart thudding, shedding clothes along the way haphazardly, stumbling over ruble and Dolores in his arms, in a dream till the water sloshed over his ankles.

The sensation had sent shivers up his spine.

‘Hey, you swimming?’ Viktor nudged him back into focus and Five looked around him, glad of the sunglasses hiding his eyes.

‘No.’

‘Really? But we’re at the beach, and it’s pretty empty, even Luther’s in.’ It took Five a moment to notice that yes, he was. Tossing Claire up in the air and into the water as she squealed in delight. Diego looked like he was doing some pretty serious swimming while Klaus and Allison lounged in the shallows.

‘You go, have fun. I’ll guard the camp. Wouldn’t want us loosing our clothes.’ He got a frown at that, but Five had lost his Academy uniform that day on the beach and with it the only reminder of home he had left, the only identity he had. Not to mention the only clothes he’d had.

Just because he’d wanted to feel water and hadn’t weighed them down.

‘Well, come over when you’re ready. You’ll like it.’ He grinned in lieu of answering and Viktor shrugged and went off, both him and Luther bare-skinned from the waist up and wearing it with growing confidence.

Smiling a little, Five folded his arms behind his head and stretched his toes into the sand. It burned a bit, but the feeling was unlike anything he’d felt before. He kept doing it over and over, finally sitting up and admitting that he wanted to touch it.

Five settled off the towel and felt the sand all over, shivering, digging his fingers into it.

Dry and hot on top, cool and heavier underneath if he dug down far enough.

Golden, soft.

His fingers found a shell and Five took a while staring at the delicate pattern, mesmerised. He looked for more.

‘What are you doing?’ Five had to get a better handle on being snuck up on. He looked around to see Claire staring at him, rocking on her feet.

‘Finding shells.’ He replied.

‘I’ll help!’ She lay down next to the hole he’d dug and reached her arms in to tease through the sand. ‘They’re pretty.’

‘Uh, sure.’ Seeing how deep Claire had to reach into the hole, Five looked around and winced. Half of their belongings were covered in sand and to match the hole was a large mountain he’d moved aside, digging straight down mindlessly.

‘Is this one good?’ Claire pulled out a long, thin shell, poking Five’s knee with it.

‘Its great.’ He took it and tried not to feel her eyes on him as he looked it over. ‘It’s a razor clam shell.’ He offered, turning it over in his fingers and admiring the barred pattern. He put it in the ‘clam’ pile.

‘Really? What’s this one.’

‘A snail.’

‘And this one?’ Five glanced over from where he’d reached for another speck of porcelain white buried in the sand.

‘A crab claw.’

‘Where’s the rest of the crab?’

‘Given that that’s it’s arm, I’m assuming that it’s dead.’

‘Like Uncle Ben.’

‘Like Uncle Ben. Although, I don’t know if crabs have ghosts that stick around, that’s really an ethical and philosophical debate on the presence of a soul and frankly it’s exhausting.’

‘Oh.’

‘Claire! There you are, don’t run off like that!’ Allison looked vaguely harassed as she hurried to them. ‘Oh, Five, thanks for looking after her.’

‘Don’t mention it.’ He replied, somewhat guilty where he had moved to sit in the hole he’d dug, and hadn’t even noticed Claire being ‘missing’ in the first place. He’d been too focused by the texture of sand and delicate shells.

‘What are you two doing?’ The frown and amused quirk to her mouth suggested that this wasn’t normal.

‘Uncle Five’s collecting shells.’ Incredulous eyes turned his way, Five scowled.

‘I can stop.’ He snapped out.

‘No, no Five, it’s okay. People collect shells at the beach.’ Her assurance was swift but gentle, genuine. Claire was looking at him wide-eyed.

‘Oh. Okay.’ He replied, somewhat derailed from defending himself.

Prickly. Five ignored Dolores’ fond chuckle.

‘Impressive hole Five.’ Luther came up behind Allison and Five hopped out enough to sit on the rim of his sand pit. Claire squealed on seeing him and reached up to be lifted, she kept hold of the crab claw.

‘What is that?’

‘It’s Uncle Five’s dead crab!’

‘Don’t touch things like that!’ Allison wrestled it from Claire  who pouted.

‘Uncle Five touched it!’

‘Well, he’s a heathen, not a lady.’ Five snorted, but didn’t deny it. ‘Let’s go wash your hands.’ Claire was led away with a plea of ‘but mooooooom’ and Luther took her place.

‘You’re not swimming?’

‘Apparently I’m collecting shells.’ Five gestured over to the neatly sorted collection he’d accumulated.

Dolores liked them.

‘I just thought you were digging a hole. Maybe we should make a sand castle.’

‘A what?’ Luther was already gathering the sand Five had piled up and grinned.

‘I’ll show you! I used to try and make miniature ones on the moon with the moon dust I collected, but we could make a really big one!’ The childlike enthusiasm was enough to stir Five’s eternal curiosity, he followed Luther out of his hole and felt the sun lap his skin as they began forming a ‘foundation’.

It was surprisingly enjoyable. Therapeutically technical.

It looks good.

It did, Five thought.

Give it a tower for me, like a princess would have.

‘It needs a tower.’

‘Good idea. And a flag.’

They built for a while before Diego came to join them and added himself in with a comment of ‘sick’. They stuck one of Diego’s knives in the top in place of a flag and Viktor and Klaus came by with a heaping assortment of lunch foods.

‘Feeding time at the zoo!’

Allison and Claire followed having been in the sea again, and Five got up and stretched from where he’d been hunched over. The water glittered in the sun.

Five thought he might like the beach.

‘Five, your back!’

‘What about it?’ Five looked at Diego askance but got pushed under the shade.

‘It’s coming up red already, I told you to stay in the shade.’

‘Such a parent in the making.’ Klaus teased. ‘What? I think it’s sweet, really!’ Ben, apparently, was getting involved.

‘I’m fine.’ Five protested, but was wrangled onto one of their sandy towels and he watched bemused as Diego wetted a t-shirt and draped it over Five’s shoulders. The coolness did feel good, he hadn’t realised how hot his skin had gotten. Sometimes it was hard to feel things.

‘After lunch, you’re putting sunscreen on.’ Diego warned with a raised finger and firm stare. ‘Now drink your water.’

‘You’re not the boss of me.’ But he wasn’t about to waste water, so he drunk what he was given and ate the hotdog passed his way and listened to their chatter. With the distraction of the sand gone, his thoughts ticked lazily back to the last ocean trip he’d had.

He’d been so hungry that time that he’d contemplated eating one of the rotting fish carcasses before deciding better.

-

[thana-topsy]

WIP Wednesday~

I haven't shared any works in progress in a while, so I figured it might be nice! I'm trying to complete two more chapters of Halfway to the Sky before I post the next one, but here's a small snippet. Spoilers for anyone who hasn't read past Chapter 16:

-----

They met Gelebor outside of the kitchens. He began the tour with a soft smile and a brief history lesson. 

“The Great Chantry of Auriel was built in the Merethic era, as it has come to be known, when the Snow Elves were the predominant population here in Skyrim. I would like to say we were a peaceful society, but we were not. War and unrest plagued my people as much as it has plagued any great civilization. I saw too much violence in my younger years. It is one of the many reasons I turned to a monastic life. Auriel granted me refuge from the turmoil of mortal drama and helped me to see the temporality of it all.” 

Sarel wanted to ask what ‘temporality’ meant, but didn’t want to interrupt. 

“The Chantry was a refuge for many—lay and monastic alike. Here, follow me.”   

He led them to the frontmost room where the pilgrims once gathered. It was littered with broken statues and ice and dust. Slender beams of light shone through the long windows and erased parts of the room from Sarel’s vision, dissolving them into patches of white nothingness. Apparently, pilgrims used to perform a whole ritual to get here that involved traveling all over the Vale, visiting wayshrines and carrying water back and forth. It didn’t make sense to Sarel, but aside from the most basic tenets of the Altmeri pantheon, his father hadn’t raised him to understand the more tedious aspects of religious practices.

The chantry also had a whole second story, but Gelebor could only show them half of it. A large portion had been taken over by the creep of the glacier and lost to crumbling disuse. But it seemed to be mostly more sleeping chambers. A lot of people had lived here at one point. 

Sarel continued to hold his father’s hand as they walked the halls. The light that filtered through the windows of the upper story pulsed white hot. He flinched away as they passed through one of the sunbeams, turning his face towards his father’s arm. 

“The light hurts him,” Aiden said, his voice wavering with distress. “Must we walk this way?” 

“It’s alright,” Sarel said, wincing as he forced himself to turn his head forward. “I need to get used to it.”

Gelebor paused ahead of them, then turned around. He stared down at Sarel pensively for a silent moment, then stepped forward to gently take a knee in front of him. “What if we go sit in the garden?” 

“What!?” Aiden squawked. “Didn’t I just–?” 

“If Sarel doesn’t want to, then we won’t,” Gelebor assured, looking up at Aiden. “But…” He turned his gaze back to Sarel, offering the barest hint of a smile. “If you’d like to learn how to tolerate the sun, I can think of no more beautiful place.”

“Alright,” Sarel cautiously agreed. “What if I can’t stand it?” 

“Then we stop,” Gelebor said, as if it were obvious. 

 Sarel tugged at his earlobes, chewing at his lip and debating. He hazarded a look at the streak of buzzing light only to jerk his gaze away. Frustration warred with fear. He wanted to be able to sit in the sun. 

“Alright,” Sarel said, trying to sound more confident than he felt. “Yeah, let’s try.”

[magnificentmicrowave]

Okay genuine question now, but how do you handle stress and pressure whenever you're stuck with a drawing? Like what do you do when a specific part of it looks irregular, an no matter what you do it'll always look off or bad? I have this problem while drawing eyes, and sometimes it works on a simple angle, and other times they just look inhuman, and terrible, and no matter how many times I redraw them it keeps getting worse. Also, here's your egg girl smoking the fattest dooby, since I blew your ask box with that boob question, sorry!

HOOOOLY FUCK she's absolutely schpuffin on that shit. thank you anyway this is a really good question and something i feel very strongly about. here is where i will go on a rant

in general when people are giving art advice, it's easy to hyperfocus on the technical aspects of improvement, but i think it is just as pertinent if not moreso to put an emphasis on improving your mental as far as art is concerned. i had artblock that lasted far too long, and lost years of potential art progress just because my mental towards art was just completely wrong. you NEEEEEED to enjoy and want to do what you're doing or else you'll start associating the act of art with all those bad feelings. self-discipline is also important to an extent, but anyway

with all that being said, concerning your specific problem i think there are a couple main pointers that i think more people starting out in art should know: frustration and lack of confidence in your lines comes from lack of understanding. when you are struggling to define or place lines in the right place, all that means is you lack the right resources in your mental library to recreate those details in your art. polishing a turd, no matter what you do, will only get you a shiny turd!! to that end, use references, so that your art can have a solid skeleton based in reality for you to build on. for the love of GOD please use references. sometimes i'll overlay an image and trace it just so i can get a good idea of how the limbs are working in space. as a quick example:

i'm not going to go all in on this specific process, but my point is: don't feel ashamed to use references, trace to learn, or use whatever tools at your disposal you may have. not everyone can be kim jung gi and have an insanely large mental library, so don't feel bad about not being able to draw your art 100% from memory. when you're drawing the same line over and over you're practically gambling points of your own sanity away in the hopes that the right lines will magically appear. sometimes you just gotta step away and take a mental reset, or trash the piece altogether. that's another thing, don't be too attached to every little doodle you make, not every piece you work on is supposed to be a new magnum opus.

this was more philosophical than technical advice but hope this helps :) i don't want anyone else to go thru the years of artblock that i did bashing my head against the mental wall that i was. take things at your own pace and, most importantly, enjoy what ya doin,

tl;dr: frustration comes from lack of understanding, use more refs, don't feel bad about trashing WIPs

[pluppsauthor]

OC Interview

Thank you to @kaylinalexanderbooks and @tildeathiwillwrite for the tags! I'm a bit behind on some of times, but that's alright :)

Rules: answer the following questions in the perspective of one of your OCs!

Last time I did Dusk, this time I'm going to go with my main man Jesse Graves from my (still unnamed) western WIP, as well as a randomly decided character... the wheel says... Reven from Frequency: Forsaken! (Jesse's answers are in orange, and Reven's are in blue)

Are you named after anyone?

"Hmm... Well, I named myself, but 'Jesse' is a common name. Especially in the east. It wasn't after any one person, just the first name I thought of." "No. It's not even a name. Short for 'Revenant', should say all it needs to."

When was the last time you cried?

"Men don't cry. That's what I like to tell myself, anyway. In truth... every time I'm reminded of the people who died by my hands, I cry. May their souls rest in peace." "I've lost my limbs, been burned, and had my head cut off once. I don't cry any more, I can't."

Do you have kids?

"No. And I'm not looking to start a family right now either." "No."

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

"I don't really like to joke around. If I say something, I mean it. Simple as that." "HAHAHahaha, only when I'm cocky. What's the point in being serious? Takes all the fun out of it."

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

"How they carry themselves. If they walk with the confidence of a killin' man, or the regret of one, then I know to keep an eye out. Beyond that... I see if I recognise them." "I don't really pay attention to other people that much. I guess I notice if they might want to kill me, but they can't anyway, so what's the point."

What’s your eye colour?

"Brown, like the colour of my hair." "Blue? Why are you asking?"

Scary movies or happy endings?

"I've heard of the theatres in some of the big cities out far to the west. But I haven't seen a movie myself. But between scary stories and happy endings? ...There's no harm in a happy ending I suppose." "Nothing scarier than what I've been through, and there's no happy ending waiting for me... But a scary movie is more fun."

Any special talents?

"I'm a quick shot. My soul's a little unique too. But if you're looking for tricks, go see a priest or a witch. I'm not one for magic, so I don't have many special talents." "Yeah, I can't die. Anything more special than that?"

Where were you born?

"Don't ask me that. It's not important, and I don't want to tell you." "What does it matter? North City, the one near that rocky coast? I couldn't bother to remember."

Do you have any pets?

"No. I have my horse, Biscuit, but I wouldn't consider her a pet." "No."

What sort of sports do you play?

"I don't play any sports. Some people to the north consider marksmanship a sport. But I don't." "What are these questions? None, I don't have the time or interest for that."

How tall are you?

"I don't know, 165 maybe?" "Seriously, I don't care. 170, 173 maybe?" (Both in cm)

What was your favourite subject in school?

"School?" "Okay, one more of these questions and I'm done. Who do you take me for, some rich kid who grew with real grass on his lawn?"

What is your dream job?

"Dream job? I don't got one. All I want is to be at peace. Forgiven and without anything I need to do." "Alright, I'm done. I don't know why you wanted to ask me these so bad, but I've had enough. I'm done." *sound of door slamming* (Real answer would be to kill Dusk, nothing else)

Great round of questions this time. (Shame Reven left) But now onto the tags! Gently tagging... @kbwritesstuff, @illarian-rambling, @xenascribbles, and @leahnardo-da-veggie. Open tag as always to anyone who wants to hop in! ❤

Here are the questions!

Are you named after anyone? When was the last time you cried? Do you have kids? Do you use sarcasm a lot? What’s the first thing you notice about people? What’s your eye colour? Scary movies or happy endings? Any special talents? Where were you born? Do you have any pets? What sort of sports do you play? How tall are you? What was your favourite subject in school? What is your dream job?

[I'm stealing the easy copy/paste format >:)]

[starry-eyed-never-satisfied]

Fanfic Writer Ask Game: 😅 🤡 🛒 🍦🤗🧠🤲✅🤯 sorry if this is a lot lol

No worries I love asks and talking about my writing, so the more the merrier!

😅 What's a story or scene you've created that you're a smidge embarrassed exists?

The only one I really feel weird about is Tonight I Wanna See It In Your Eyes. Just cause it's so short and doesn't go into enough detail on what I was trying to portray. I did it for writers month and tried to write it in a day, which I can't do. I love the idea though and I fully intend to expand it more one day.

🤡 What's a line, scene, or exchange you've written that made you laugh?

Driving On Down The Road and reason why Butt Fuck Nowhere is called that, and the whole of 100.000 Years, it's just so silly, but I really can picture them having that whole interaction.

🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.

Always angst, I can't help it. Paul's sensitivity and vulnerability, Gene's tough but caring.

🍦 What's the sweetest fic you've created so far?

Hold Me. No smut, just Paul in a dark place and Gene not knowing how to help, but still being there for him.

🤗 What advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started?

Don't feel like you need to start from the beginning. Write whatever it is that has inspired you, whether it be a scene or phrase. If you get to a bit where you want a particular thing to happen but don't know how to write it just type insert smut here or insert fight here or whatever and go on to the next bit. After you've written the stuff you're confident with it's much easier to fill in the gaps.

🧠 Pick a character, and I'll tell you my favorite headcanon for them.

Here's a bittersweet head cannon about Paul and Ace for you. Neither of them will admit it, but they were close, and after Peter left they became closer. Paul didn't want Ace to leave and tried to keep him happy, even drinking with him on occasion. But he didn't want to get blackout drunk like Ace did, so it wasn't very successful. The pictures from The Elder/Creatures period, where they are holding onto each other - that's Paul silently saying don't go. But it was inevitable. And everything they have said since then comes from a place of hurt.

🤲 Would you please share a snippet of a wip?

Because you liked Let Me Know so much, this is a follow up to it, called Far From The House And The Family Fights in which teenage Paul has a fight with his parents and runs away to Gene.

“We received a letter from school today, Stanley.”

Stanley.  That meant he was in trouble.  Even so, Paul rolled his eyes and headed towards his room.

“You are not going anywhere, young man!”

Stanley and young man.  He was in a shitload of trouble!

 “You are going to stay here and explain yourself!  You are on the verge of failing.  You haven’t done any homework and have been missing classes.  You’ve been drawing . . . penises in your schoolbooks.  And you told your teacher you didn’t need school because you are going to be a . . . rock star?”

Oops.  He hadn’t mentioned that particular ambition to his parents yet.

“What happened to you?” asked his father.  “You had so much potential.”

“God gave you this wonderful brain and you’re not using it,” said his mother.

Paul had heard this so many times before, and this time he lost it.

“Did he give me this stupid fucking ear too?  Because I’ll happily trade my brain for a real one!”

“Stanley Eisen!  Mind your language!”

✅ What's something that appears in your fics over and over and over again, even if you don't mean to?

Angst! Even when I try to write something happy or funny the angst creeps in. I don't want Paul to be unhappy all the time.

🤯 What's a genre you struggle with as a writer (ex. romance, action, etc.)?

Fight scenes. Arguments I can do, but when it comes to the physical stuff I struggle. While I believe these guys probably did get into punch ups occasionally, I can't really visualise them, I've only seen fights on tv and we know how realistic those are lol

[fabbyf1]

Howdy, Besties 🫡

I hope everyone is doing well and staying hydrated!

I am taking a much needed vacation as of tomorrow morning until the end of the month. (I AM FREE AT LAST!!!!!) I probably won't write very much while I'm there.

BUT HERE'S THE GOOD NEWS:

I have a quick little Lestappen PWP in the works for you! I've finished writing it; it just needs to be edited. I think you are going to enjoy it. I think it will also make you scream... (in a good way), and I'm very excited to see your reaction. I'm a fucking meme if I've ever seen one. This will most likely be posted tomorrow night (Friday PST). Hopefully, this can hold you all over until I get back home 😈😂😎

I've started working on a longer plotty fic again! But it's going to be a different pairing this time around. I hope that's okay with you all. I know many of you are only here for Lestappen, and that's okay! I love Lestappen, and I'm not done writing for them by any means. I have lots of fic ideas and WIPS for them. They're my fav ship to write for. I have just owed @takenquicklys a Maxiel fic for a while now... 😂

I'll still be lurking around these streets while on vacation, bothering you all, and posting cursed content. I'm not planning on disappearing. I'm just not going to force myself to write (for once). If it happens, it happens, but I'm not planning on writing until I get home.

ANYWAY... my plotty Maxiel fic will probably take a few weeks to write, but in the meantime, here's a little snippet for you. I hope you'll enjoy it, even if you're only here for Lestappen! This fic is a little angstier than I normally write... but it will still have lots of Fabby Fluff.

Enjoy besties and have a great weekend!

When Daniel decided to leave Red Bull in 2018, Max was... confused. He wasn’t hurt, necessarily, but it was hard not to take it a little bit personally. Because nobody leaves Red Bull Racing to go to a mid-field team. 

It had to be at least a little bit personal. 

Their last season together got a little rough around the edges. After being teammates for so many years, they were bound to come together on track every now and then. It was nowhere near the battle of the silver arrows back in 2016, but every time they came together in 2018 seemed to be worse than the time before. 

They could usually move past it.

They would ignore each other for a day to cool off, and then they’d pretend like nothing ever happened.

It was good.

It was working.

But some incidents were harder to move past than others.

(Well done, Baku.) 

After Daniel left, things got better. They were able to just be friends again and not worry about being teammates. Max became the veteran of his team and saw new teammates come and go, and Daniel had great results for Renault. 

Everything was going great for both of them. 

But then McLaren happened. 

McLaren took a lot from both of them. 

For Daniel, it took away his pride. It took away his confidence. It turned this tall, cocky, king of the late-breaking man into a too-small, too-skinny, twitchy-on-the-break-pedal kind of guy. It was hard to watch at times. 

To make matters worse for him, everyone compared him to Lando. Which wasn’t fair because Lando had been with McLaren for years. Lando already knew how to get the most out of that shit-box of a car. Daniel still had to learn. 

For Max, it was hard to watch his best friend hit rock bottom. Especially because Max was having such a great year in comparison. He was leading the championship for the first time. He was winning every weekend, his race suit was always damp with champagne, and he was confident that he would become World Champion at the end of the year. 

2021 was the best and worst year of his life. 

He won the championship, but he lost his best friend. 

Fucking McLaren.

[uhhhyaenbyjade]

@mimbotomy tagged me in a fun tag game for fanfic writers, so here's my answers!!!!

How many works do you have on AO3? I have 62 total works, and I am so disappointed in a lot of them 😅

What's your total AO3 word count? 339,839 words!

What fandoms do you write for? Lately I've been working a lot on fics with AC: Odyssey, Monsterverse, and VicTORIous. However, I did recently do a fic for Mean Girls (2024) and I used to write a lot for BNHA/MHA, when I was very big on that fandom, but all those fics are really bad and cringe so I try to pretend they don't exist. I also have some batfamily fics, and a few for Dynasty. A few oneshots here and there with that fic being my only work in the fandom. And how could I forget, Horizon!

What are your top 5 fics by kudos? Confidence - What a Hero Needs - this annoys me so much, it was my first fic, EVER. I wrote it 4 years ago, and it's still my most popular, I've written much better stuff. I've even REWRITTEN THIS ONE AND THE OG IS STILL MORE POPULARR GKHDGHJHWJHK Apects Unknown - or are they? - a fun batfamily and wonderbat based fic off of my own mini-universe. Very cute, and very proud of this fic Perseverance - What a Hero Needs - the immediate follow up to Confidence. Again, I've written a lot better stuff "What? I like hero merch!" - My favorite crack fic I've written. Also BNHA/MHA based, but this was just fun and cute Among (Us) the Villains - yet another BNHA/MHA fic, but this time it's based about Izuku being friends with the LoV. And gaming with them. Made around the time of Among Us, hence the title

Do you respond to comments? I try, especially once I post something new. But honestly, a lot of my responses end up being just hearts or "thank you's" and it personally makes me feel like I'm being disingenuine when i respond with them too much

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I suppose Kumandra's Heart? But that was more sad than angst, I think?

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Pretty Girls, my Mean Girls (2024) fic!!!! I love this one so much, it's one of the few I go back and reread often! Basically a rewrite of the movie to be a lot gayer.

Do you get hate on fics? Oh yeah, there was this one marvel fic I did, and this one commenter was really mad that I wasn't going exactly as canon dictated. Because of course

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? I have a few fics with smut, and it's mainly kink-based. Definitely love involved too, but very kink-based.

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? Yes! I enjoy it a lot! My craziest one would probably have to be the one I'm currently writing, combining the Assassin's Creed universe and Legendary's Monsterverse. It's called Ancients Risen Anew, and based on Kassandra joining MONARCH after the G-Day event in 2014!

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not to my knowledge! I made all my fics available only to registered users for the purpose of keeping them as safe as I can while still sharing them.

Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope! Would love to see it happen though!

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Nope! It sounds interesting to do though!

What's your all time favorite ship? I would have to say Jade West/Tori Vega. The good old classic gay couple from Nickelodeon, as much as we hate how that era of TV was behind the scenes. A close second would probably be Aloy/Seyka, from Horizon. I just love them so much, they're my little blorbos (i think i used that term right :D)

What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I have a few, but I'll talk about Cascade for now. It's the marvel fic I mentioned earlier, and I kinda lost all interest in marvel recently. The last media I saw was The Marvels, and I enjoyed it a lot, but I kinda got oversaturated with too much Marvel stuff, and not enough of it was as amazing like Shang-Chi was to make me wanna stay interested. Will definitely watch the stuff I'm interested in though (anything with Kate Bishop and Yelena)

What are your writing strengths? Hmmmm, tough one. I would say lore. I love writing lore and explaining lore. I am also very good at writing outlines.

What are your writing weaknesses? Fight scenes. Especially fast paced ones. I love the choreography in movies, but how am I supposed to translate the fast-paced combat into writing in a way that feels natural????

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I have done this for a short story! Please go check it out, its non-fandom related so it didn't get traction, but oh my god i did so much research for it and I love it. It's called Children of Níðhǫggr!

First fandom you wrote for? Boku no Hero Academia / My Hero Academia. Please, end me

Favorite fic you've written? How the fuck am I supposed to choose just one?!??!?! I'll limit myself to five, to keep this short, lol Ink & Sparks - which is my favorite Jade West/Tori Vega fic. I rewrote it several times, and the version linked is the best one I've done. Please check it out, I love it so much! There's More To Life Than Surviving! - Honestly, this one is a contender for top fic. A crack fic, but for Ninjago! Loved it a lot The Titan of the Pearl - A very nice fic I wrote combining the Pirates of the Caribbean and Godzilla. Because I can Kumandra's Heart - A slight ending rewrite of Raya, the Last Dragon, which is my personal favorite Disney Princess movie Pretty Girls - the Mean Girls (2024) fic I mentioned earlier. I love this one so much, and like I said, I keep going back to reread it, that's how much I enjoy it Going to tag @aeide, @hartlesshart, @foibles-fables, and @spectres-n-knights for this! And if anyone else wants to, please go ahead!

[coridotmp3]

thanks for the tag, cori! your wip titles are immaculate. I absolutely must know about 99.3 kiss fm, jason sudeikis must pay, and mickey mouse the matchmaker.

:) thank you darling !!

99.3 KISS FM

This one's a college! bob floyd x reader !! bob, reader (nickname: cherry, pronouns: they/them), and various other daggers work the late shift at their college's radio station!! there's just endless amounts of mutual pining, a dash of miscommunication, and so many song references that only i will understand <3

have a little taste:

As the studio filled with the slow strums of “Trust” by Lucy Dacus, you made sure your mic was off before turning to the blob on the couch across from you. 

“Was that still too wordy? I’m really trying to take Penny’s note about brevity to heart but how else am I supposed to fill time?” 

Bob’s eyes shot up from where they had been focused on his laptop, composing his next setlist for the shift after yours. “I don’t think it was wordy but I think your pacing is more of an issue here. You literally said take a breath, but talked too fast to take one yourself. You’ll sound less like you’re rambling if you just slow down, speak with confidence.”

"If I had realized this job would be so stressful, I never would have begged Penny to let me sign up." You pouted, slumping in the desk chair as much as you could without falling off.

“Cherry, you’re fine! It’s not like the 12 people listening to a college radio station are gonna be concerned with your takes between songs. Not when you have the best song queue out of the whole lineup bar one.”

“If that one is you, I’m gonna smack you upside the head, Bo. I’m not listening to a whole night of The Cars, not again.”

“You love The Cars!”

“Yeah, in moderation! Not when I have to hear “My Best Friend’s Girl” eight times in a row at 2 in the morning!”

“I take back every nice thing I’ve ever said about you, obviously you have no taste.”

jason sudeikis must pay aka the hangster sleeping with other people au

two lonely souls in college agree to lose their virginities to each other, only to spend the next ten years having very strained relationships with sex. When they meet again in a sex addicts support group, Jake and Bradley decide to use their renewed friendship to help each other heal. Maybe, in more ways than one. (and also rhett abbott is there because i needed a scapegoat thank you <3)

something to whet your appetite:

"He came through every few weeks on one of his bull riding tours or to meet with vendors. He never stayed more than a night before he went back to her, and I was left with this profound emptiness in his absence.

I let myself get wrapped up in his world. I deluded myself with these fantasies that one day he would stay. All I wanted was for him to stay. I just wanted to be enough for him, so I broke myself apart into something I thought he would want. There's no telling how much of me I lost pursuing that pipe dream.

"Must have been a pretty good pipe to string you along like this for the past ten years."

"Oh shut up, Bradshaw."

"No, I'm serious! What, is it ten inches? Is it made of gold? Can it vibrate? What about him and his magical two foot long dick had you so spellbound?"

mickey mouse the matchmaker

this one is soooooo very self-indulgent. it's bob x mickey's cousin (x reader for now but that is subject to change). BASICALLY, mickey and bob have been good friends since their OCS training in Rhode Island all those years ago. While they were stationed in Newport, Mickey and Bob would go and visit Mickey's cousin while she was in school in Providence. Bob and the cousin got along like a house on fire, but were both too scared to do anything about it (even though mickey knows they both want to). Fast forward a few years, and she moves out to San Diego where the daggers are now stationed. AND WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT, READER NEEDS A PLACE TO LIVE AND BOB HAS AN EXTRA ROOM !! Mickey's masterplan is all coming together

(there's no excerpt for this one because the whole fic is just various one-liners strung together with a wish and a prayer)

CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOUR WIPS DARLING !!!

[windowsandfeelings]

20 Questions Game for fic writers

tagged by @terrainofheartfelt and @slumped-in-the-arms-of-fiction (<3 <3 <3!)

1. How many works do you have on ao3? 25! (But I've written a lot more that are scattered across ffn and livejournal. I've been at this a while.)

2. What’s your total ao3 word count? 153,671

3. What fandoms do you write for? Eternally Gilmore Girls, lately also Nancy Drew, and not for a while, but perhaps most notably Gossip Girl. (I've written for other fandoms, too, but not recently.)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? All the Lights that Light the Way are Blinding (Gossip Girl) November 24, 2016 (Gilmore Girls) Met You at the Right Time (Gilmore Girls) The River in Egypt (Gossip Girl) The Boyfriend Tour of North America (Gilmore Girls)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? I try to, but I'm definitely behind on it at the moment. I so appreciate every comment I get (okay, every nice comment I get), and I want to acknowledge them.

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Hmm...I don't really do angsty endings. Maybe I Am Sorry to Tell You? But that's mostly because Lost hadn't actually ended yet when I wrote it so I didn't have a way to get Rory and Jess off the island. But it wasn't really presented as angsty. (I have occasionally considered writing a sequel.)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? All of them? IDK, maybe MYatRT? Just because it takes such a long time to get to it, but I think it's earned.

8. Do you get hate on fics? Occasionally, yes, mostly on All the Lights..., or people commenting on other fics and shitting on All the Lights... in the process.

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind? I write v v v light smut.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve ever written? lol, I wrote a Barney Stinson/Buffy Summers ficlet once.

I would say I'm not a huge fan of crossovers, but I wrote a bunch of short ones back in my lj days because a couple of my friends had a crossover fic contest...really more like drabbles.

And then of course there's I Am Sorry to Tell You. Because I got really into Lost at one point and had to find a way to combine it with Gilmore Girls. And honestly I think it came out pretty well.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? I don't think so, but I've definitely seen stolen fics.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Yeah! Someone translated All the Lights... into Russian!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? I can't remember. Maybe back in my ffn days? Nothing is springing to mind.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship? LITERATI 4 LYFE

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will? I'd like to finish Saturn Return someday, but I don't really know where it will go. Which is why it's unfinished.

16. What are your writing strengths? Dialogue, probably? I wasn't comfortable writing dialogue for a long time, but especially since taking screenwriting classes a few years ago I feel much more confident in it.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? I struggle hard with plot. You want me to figure out what's going to actually happen in a story? Ugh!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? I would probably only do it in French or maybe very basic Spanish, because that's the extent of not English that I'm confident in.

19. First fandom you ever wrote for? I'm pretty sure the first fic I ever wrote was a continuation of someone else's post-season 1 Gilmore Girls fic that they hadn't finished, but I never published it. (I still have it. It's hand-written...and bad. Because I was 13.) The first one I ever published was a Harry Potter fic on ffn. Also bad. Very unfinished.

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written? 100,000% Met You at the Right Time. I could not be more proud of that thing if I tried. It was a labor of love, but it also came out exactly the way I wanted to, which is just...nearly impossible to imagine. Like I could quibble with some of the writing, especially in the first couple of chapters, but at the end of the day...it's really good. Which is not a humble statement, but it's true.

tagging: @wonderlandleighleigh @oh-bonerline @strangenewgirls @stellaluna33 @georgianadarcies and anyone else who wants to do it

[noire-pandora]

I got tagged by @rakshadow @musetta3 @in-arlathan @barbex @pedlimwen @cleverblackcat @kittynomsdeplume @pikapeppa for the fic writers' end of the year round up: 2022 edition.

Thank you for the tag and for thinking about me. You all are wonderful and inspiring writers and your presence and works are to be admired.

Words written (published or not, WIPs included): I wrote 122.381 words this year! More than I wrote last year. I'm proud of myself for writing this much even if I lost my steam in the last months because life. Nevertheless, wow I wrote those words!!

Here's the recording. Mine is different cuz I add my daily word count in a sheet. This year, the data starting from Sept to Dec was lost. So I almost did a table flip. Until I remembered I ALSO use a writing bot to record my daily word counts so I re-added the lost word count in the sheet to get the total.....the things I do for fanfic 😂

Smut scenes:.......0. Gosh darn it. One of my goals this year was to write an entire smut scene but I failed. 2023 has to be the year!!! My Lavellan is waiting for me to start it 😂

New things I tried: I jumped into exchanges and I wrote pairings and characters I never wrote. I participated in art trades and OC exchanges. I submerged my tiny writer feet in lots of fandom stuff and it was fun! I can't wait to do it even more this year!

Fic I spent the most time on: Definitely Daughter of Fire/Herald of Spirit. I spent so so many hours writing the chapters, editing them and re-editing them. It was so much fun and I want to do it again this year! I feel more confident with my English skills and I kinda....don't care anymore if people like it or not. Life kicked my ass and writing must be my calm down hobby.

Fic I spent the least time on: I usually spend lots of time working on what I post because I'm like that. The things I wrote and was semi-relaxed with were my DADWC drabbles. I did work a lot of those too but not so much as on the other things.

Favourite thing I wrote: Daughter of Fire. It's my special project. But I did had lots of fun writing for the art exchanges! Writing about other OCs is fun!

Favourite thing I read: gods I read so so many fanfics this year. And over 20 books and manga. I can't pick! I'm grateful for every fic and book I read cuz it kept me sane. Thank you for writing them!

Writing goals for 2023:

1. Write that darned smut fic. Istg, if I don't get it done this year, I will flip two tables. 😂

2. Try to finish DoF. I think two years for a long fic are enough. I want to be more confident about publishing my long fic even if now I don't have a beta. Anyone feeling like beta-ing me? 😂

3. Participate in more exchanges and give more writing gifts. Because gifting people is fun and writing about other OCs is fun.

4. Reach 200.000 words in a year. Fingers crossed.

5. Have fun because that's the only thing that matters.

I'm going to tag: @rosella-writes @darethshirl @little-lightning-lavellan @thebookworm0001 @anneapocalypse @thedastrash @knightdawn @potatowitch @pinkfadespirit @johaerys-writes @plisuu @fandomn00blr @crackinglamb @oxygenforthewicked @inquisimer @queenaeducan @perlen-gold @anderstrevelyan @melisusthewee @isk4649 @a11sha11fade @dreadfutures @sidhelives @retrowondergirl @bluewren and anyone who wants to do it. Please don't feel forced to participate and please be proud of what you've written this year. No matter how "small" or "big" it is. You wrote and that's all that matters.

Thank you for all the support you've given me and to my works. To many more fanfics this year! Cheers!

[miss-sternennacht]

20 questions for fic writers

Tagged by @cnnmonbimee!! Thanks so much!

1. How many works do you have on Ao3? Actually same as Hime, 28! I have more when you add on fanfic.net, but I'm working on getting those over.

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? 122,557, which I feel like is a lot!

3. What fandoms do you write for? 20 total for TBHK, with the next place trophy going to Hetalia.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Four Questions (Hetalia: Axis Powers) (3,377 words) kudos: 405

Let's Take a Selfie! (地縛少年花子くん | Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun | Toilet-bound Hanako-kun (Manga), 地縛少年花子くん | Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun | Toilet-bound Hanako-kun (Anime)) (4,461 words) kudos: 304

Morning Reflections (地縛少年花子くん | Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun | Toilet-bound Hanako-kun (Manga), 地縛少年花子くん | Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun | Toilet-bound Hanako-kun (Anime)) (3,836 words) kudos: 283

Teach Me Astronomy, Amane-kun! (地縛少年花子くん | Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun | Toilet-bound Hanako-kun (Manga), 地縛少年花子くん | Jibaku Shounen Hanako-kun | Toilet-bound Hanako-kun (Anime)) (17,645 words) kudos: 245

Miracles Take Time (Hetalia: Axis Powers) (19,821 words) kudos: 184

My number one kudos fic is something I wrote over 10 years ago alskdflsjkd But I am surprised at how many the selfie one has, it was just an idea I had. Didn't think it would be somewhat popular!

5. Do you respond to comments? I try to as much as possible!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Probably "Until Midnight" due to the ending, but probably also "Everything Has an End". I don't typically write angsty fics or fics with sad endings.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Most of them LOL! I'd probably say "Hey There Lovina"

8. Do you get hate on fics? I have before! Not on AO3, not that I can remember however. But if people hate a fic, that's ok! They're allowed to have that opinion and I'm not a trained writer or anything, I just write for fun.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? I tend to have ideaaaaaas, but I'm not confident in that kind of writing so I probably won't ever post any of them. Making out or referencing something is the closest I usually get.

10. Do you write crossovers? I have! I don't like those that much tbh. I have one on AO3, I had two before on Fanfic.net.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? ... No?

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Also no!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Not yet ;)

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? So talking in general, it's probably SyaoSaku from CCS! In terms of writing it's HanaNene from TBHK.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I actually have a Mario fic that I started writing when the movie came out because I heard a song and got a great idea, and there's a HanaNene skating fic that is mostly done... A few other oneshots too.

16. What are your writing strengths? I don't know if I'm qualified to talk about my strengths lol, but I think maybe connections?

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Again, I don't know if I'm qualified to judge myself properly, but the fact that I'm just not a great writer. My vocabulary needs to expanddddd.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? Listen. I wrote fics for Hetalia. I used Google Translate, used books to translate, asked people for translations, and also relied on commenters for any troubles. I don't mind if others do it just because I'm used to it from long ago, even if the translation is not quite right.

19. First fandom you wrote for? Technically technically, I used to write little ficlets for Jimmy Neutron back when Nickelodeon had forums on their site! Did I save any of them, of course not, so they are lost to time.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? "Teach Me Astronomy, Amane-kun!" I started this fic during Covid-19 and at the time I really wanted to write for TBHK because none of my friends watched/read the series and I had so many intense feelings since it became my new obsession. And because I had read so many fics that had Amane obsess over space, another obsession/hobby of mine, I wanted to combine the two to create an (somewhat) educational fic. It was really fun to tell people about an event and to hear in the comments what people saw/did. I fully intend to continue the fic and already have some drafts made up, but this one out of all my fics I desperately want to continue.

Thank you for the tag, Hime! I don't normally tag, so if you see this and want to do it, just tag me 'cause I'd love to read yours!

[softspeirs]

Fic writer interview!

Thanks @mercurygray for the tag!

How many works do you have on AO3? 120 for my 2 pseuds, sunlightdances and glowinghorizons!

What’s your total AO3 word count? 520,569

What are your top 5 fics by kudos? take a running start (the 100) keep me safe inside (your arms like towers) (the 100) one less day to be alone (the 100) give you everything i have (the 100) they will see my strength (in this love i found) (the 100)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? I try to! I usually get to them all, even if I don't respond the same day. I really appreciate anyone who comments on my works, even old stuff for fandoms I don't write for anymore (see above fics and kudos lol) and want to say thanks.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? This is a hard question! I've always tried to be a happy ending writer, but I think some of my newer fics for HBO War stuff is probably more angsty because of the subject matter. I'm just now feeling confident in leaving a chapter or a fic itself ended on a angsty note.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending? Pretty much everything I write is fix-it fic, so usually they all have happy endings, but I'm partial to this fic for Marvel (Modern!Bucky x Reader) - Safe Place to Land on AO3 or Tumblr.

Do you write crossovers? I've only done a few, but I have a WIP on hiatus that I started ages ago that's a Supernatural/BoB time travel fic featuring one of my OCs! It's here: Lost in Time

Have you ever received hate on a fic? Yes and it still haunts me lol. I got the longest comment of my writing life (like, several paragraph essay) on one of my modern AUs for The 100 about how I should give up writing and it went into extreme detail with quotes and everything critiquing me. Honestly, it really threw me for a loop because it wasn't a constructive criticism, it was mean, and I stopped writing for a long time because of it.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? If I feel it has a place - I'm more likely to write a smut-adjacent, probably-still-rated-M heavy petting scene with lots of angst and tension. That's what I like to read if I read smut, too.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not an entire fic, but a writer in another fandom wrote something SO similar to one of my Marvel stories and there was a paragraph that was copy/pasted. I confronted them and they deleted it, and their blog shortly after. It sucked lol.

Have you ever had a fic translated? Not that I know of!

Have you ever co-written a fic before? I haven't! I'd love to try it one day but I'm also such a procrastinator I fear I'd mess up any working relationship, haha.

What’s your all-time favorite ship? Based on what I've written, I still have a soft spot for Clarke and Bellamy from The 100, even though I won't ever write for that fandom again. Their dynamic was so great to write about. Back in my Fanfiction.net days I loved writing for Olivia and Lincoln from Fringe, too.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? I have a Dean Winchester/OC fic where she's a national park ranger and gets roped into shenanigans that I love, but I don't see myself going back to it unfortunately.

What are your writing strengths? I hope that I'm able to really set a scene and use dialogue and sense words to really put readers in the head of a particular character. I really want people to finish reading a piece and have a feeling.

What are your writing weaknesses? Sometimes I think I use too much dialogue and I tell rather than show.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? I would love it, but I don't speak another language confidently enough to use it the right way, and I just don't trust Google Translate to make it smooth enough, haha.

What was the first fandom you wrote for? I think I wrote RPF for the band McFly when I was 13 but I don't think any of that still exists, thank god. My first published fic was something for AltLivia/AltLincoln (Fringe) on ff.net in 2011.

What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to? I'm in a Discord server for the Nancy Drew CW show and I'd love to write for Nancy/Ace, but I'd need to rewatch the show to do it confidently, I was just a casual watcher with friends when it was on TV.

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written? My favorite thing is my current WIP Barren Soul (Band of Brothers). I've been working on it on and off since 2020 and I think it has some of my best writing. It's also fun to re-read because I can see how I've grown as a writer over the years.

Tagging anyone else who wants to fill this out - no pressure!

[horatio-fig]

Tell us about the Ferrix Brick WIP?

Of course. It’s about how Kallus deals with the aftermath of The Battle of Scarif. Here’s a little bit from it.

“You know it might do you good to maybe clear some of this away.” Zeb suggested. He was starting to worry just how long Kallus had been in this state, and looking from the mess it seemed he was surviving on a diet of whisky and caf, and not much else.  

Zeb glanced around the desk to assess the situation and decided the oldest, most offensive cups of caf needed to go first. There was one particularly pungent one on the very edge of what was once Cassian’s desk and judging from the green fur the was starting to creep over the edge of the cup, it had been there for quite some time.  

“Don’t touch that!” Kallus panicked when Zeb reached out to move it and Zeb turned to look at him in shock. “That’s Cassian's...he...he would always get mad if I threw out his caf. He always said he preferred it cold anyway...” 

“Sasha.” Zeb said carefully. Kallus was just standing there, his arms hanging sadly at his side and his eyes blinking wildly at the cup, tears streaming down his face. He didn’t sob or cry out however, it was like he didn't even realise he was crying.  

“I, I keep thinking he's gonna walk in and pick it up like nothing happened.” Kallus confessed.  

“Ok, that’s ok. That’s normal. I think?” Zeb tried, but his words didn't sound reassuring or remotely confident. He didn’t really know how to deal with grief, all he knew there were no rules or a right way to grieve, but that didn't help at all. “But, I also think you’ve been in this room too long? Maybe a shower and some fresh air could help. Some rest maybe?” 

“Yeah, yeah I know I just...” Kallus sighed as he placed the container of debris and ash back on the desk and drummed his fingers nervously in the surface as he thought. “I just need to finish this ok, then, then I can rest.” 

Zeb sighed in defeat as he looked around the room once again. He wasn't exactly sure what this meant, but it was obvious Kallus had been busy. There was a bright shining board behind him, the one that usually displayed important mission outlines and debriefings. Now, it held a giant map of the galaxy, with an alarming number of red dots in even more alarming places.  

“You ain’t planning to go to all these places are you.” Zeb asked nervously as he toyed with some papers on his desk. There was a worrying amount of paperwork here on Jedha, and Zeb really hoped Kallus wasn't planning to try and see some of the destruction for himself.  

“Just the ones I can go to.” Kallus shrugged, like he was talking about going to the store, not visiting multiple Empire territories and destroyed planets. “This is the main one I need to go.” Kallus explained pointing to one of the red dots on his screen in determination.  

“Ferrix?” Zeb mumbled, squinting to look at the screen. The name sounded familiar, and when he looked around the office he could see it on many of the pieces of flimsi, from actual imperial files to hastily scribbled notes. “Can you go to Ferrix?” 

“Doesn't matter if I can or not. I will.” Kallus said and Zeb had never heard him sound so determined in his life. “It’s where Cassian grew up, or at least its where he had the most happy childhood memories. He belongs there, with his mother and father. He'd want to be with them.” 

Zeb shook his head in disapproval but he didn't say anything. Instead, he just flicked though papers on the desk as he waited for Kallus to finish updating whatever it was, he was doing on the map. He stopped and actually read the papers, and it took a second for it to sink in.  

“Wait, what is all this?” Zeb asked Kallus as he realised it wasn't just this pile, but there were stacks of this research all over the office.  

“Funeral rituals.” Kallus said bluntly, not even looking up from his map. “Trying to find how to properly commemorate everyone we lost.” 

[wily-one24]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by @rowark (If "anyone who wants to" counts as tagging, and I am going to, so there. If that makes you angry, perhaps you need a nap?).

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 56.

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 1,248,713.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

The main ones I have written for include Profiler, Buffy, Firefly, Veronica Mars, Once Upon A Time.

And most recently Law and Order: SVU.

I have delved into other fandoms such as The Inside, Rizzoi and Isles, Supergirl, and Heroes.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Memory Cloud - 1,413

Paint It Black - 1,320

The Blue Moon - 811 (it's the smut, isn't it? I know it, you pervs).

The Waning Moon - 783

Elmo's ABCs - 744

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to. I respond to as many as possible. Especially if the fic is fresh. But I have responded to comments on fics that are months/years old. I do miss some comments, sometimes I'm busy and my brain says "I'll get to that later", but then my brain is... not perfect... and it forgets.

However, I love responding to comments. I have made friends in the comments. I have the best discussions in my comments.

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Oh, geez. Like, you're asking me, the Queen of Angst? There were LJ icons with "Jacqui + Angst = OTP". Maybe if I go by fandoms? Firefly's angstiest ending was "DIdn't Mean Nothin'", but also "Pieces" had a super angsty epilogue.

Veronica Mars' angstiest ending? I mean, they were mostly angst middles, weren't they? Super dark middles with hopeful endings. Veronica did bring out the optimist in me. She was so young, she deserves her life to improve after all the shit canon put her through. I guess if I had ever finished "Bitter Revenge" it would have been a tad angsty? But there would have been hope, becauses he would have had the baby!

Swan Queen, whoo. Um, OH YEAH, "You and Me (We Wanted It All)". HA, that was angst a'plenty. Even PIB and Memory Cloud had hopeful (if not happy) endings. But that one was... just some light angst for angst sake.

I mean I only have three fics with SVU, (two of which form part of a series), and only one of which is finished. BUT, I can with confidence say that "Wicked Game" ends pretty fucking bleakly and angstily.

(okay, so I went back to my VM fic masterlist on LJ, and whew, okay, so there's a whole bunch of "exploration" fics that don't necessarily change canon, just delve into it like "Neptune CA Mother's Club" deals with the shit poor mothers in Neptune, "Courting Disaster" devles into Logan's abuse, "The Tender Bruise" and "Bruises In the Mirror" were both angst fests that didn't end happily per se. Also, "The Ghost and Mrs Mars" was... not hopeful at all. Man, I *forgot* a LOT of them).

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

🤣🤣🤣

Ok, let me think. I'm assuming we're not talking smut fics? LIke, happy endings? 'Cause I have a bunch of PWPs which could be considered 'happy'. But... let's say what a reasonable person might be called happy...

I think "Sleep Perchance" was pretty optimistic and its sequel "... To Dream" was set to end in a much more positive place than it began. "Whisky Bears" was just a fun fic, drunken fun on a spaceship. What more do you want? And "Boobs" was just silly.

"The Best Deceptions"!! That was such a good fluffy sweet fic. It's a WIP, so no ending, but still. OMG, I forgot this one. It's my only real non-angst fluff fic.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I used the laughing so hard I cried emoji too early, didn't I?

I mean, I would say usually not. I have spent decades in fandom and Once Upon A Time was the only fandom I got hate in.

A small amount for "The Blue Moon", because apparently there was a second 'Emma as a stripper' fic and I was accused of plagiarising, but this was later rescinded because the fics were totally different.

And also when someone decided to get really spiteful and tell me they lost all respect for me because I dared to find Emma sexy instead of fetishisizing Regina for all eternity.

OBVIOUSLY, the most intense hatred I got was for Paint It Black. The vilest, most bitter things were thrown at me. In the comments, in private messages. I got death threats. I had rape wished on me. I was told my kids should be taken away. I was accused of trying to lure in lesbians only to give them 'straight cock filled depravity".

Because there was a man in one sex scene. Meanwhile, it was never listed as a purely lesbian fic, and the two ladies have canonically HAD male romantic and sexual partners in the past. So... not sure what the huge vitriol was about.

I sure did learn to TAG PROPERLY after that, though. My god.

Get a grip, fandom, get a grip.

No other fandom has been that unhealthy. At least, not for me.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes, I do. I have written both F/M and F/F. I have also written F/M/F, M/F/M, and F/F/F.

There's usually at least ONE woman involved. I have not, nor am I interested in writing M/M fics (boy parts iz icky).

Most readers find the scenes pretty hot. I tend to be descriptive and emotional when writing smut. Unless it's a PWP, there's usually a whole bunch of motivation and emotion involved. Even when it's a PWP there's usually a whole lot of characterisation in there.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I tend not to?

That said, I have written one.

It was a Heroes/Veronica Mars crossover, in which Sylar mistakes Veronica for his recently murdered (by his own hand, natch) girlfriend Elle and perhaps loses his very unstable mind over it a little. Leading to a slight case of kidnapping, Keith and Noah coupling up Buddy Cop style for some cross country chasing, super powered hijinx, and UBER ANGST. The tag line reads "What Happens when a Serial Killer and a Serial Victim Meet".

To be honest, it was kind of amazing and I loved it. It was working up to be Super Dubcon, but hadn't quite gotten there yet. I am sad that this remains a WIP. I would have loved to have finished this.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I've had some fics put on GoodReads, but they took them down when I asked them to.

I did have one of my fic scenes pretty much plagiarised in Firefly. What makes it worse is that they used it for a couple I hate. I let it go, though. That fic never quite got the same steam mine did. There was no point giving it attention.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I know of. I think it has been asked before, but I am a little wary of that sort of thing. I lose control of it if other people change it.

That said, I have had comments on my fics in a completely different language and I used Google Translate to both understand and reply. I will make the effort.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No.

I am jaded. I am very particular about my fics and, as said above, I do not like to lose control over them (what, control issues? Who? Me?)

I am also heavily jaded for things like fic swaps. It's my own fault, I realise this, because I would put so much effort and write thousands upon thousands of words of fic and get a 500 word piece back and it really put me off. Again, I know it's my fault, I chose to put that much effort in, but still.

Wait...I am having vague recollections of something like a fic round-robin? I could not tell you what fandom (I assume Firefly, but not sure), and certainly could never link back to it or even know how to google for it. I guess that counts? BUt I doubt it, because I can't even tell you what the fic was about or what my contribution to it was. So... no.

Hmmm, I was also involved in a Season Rewrite for Profiler back int he day, but all those fics are lost to the internet heyday and you'll never find them. Huh, I htink my episode was called "Lady In Red". (omg, THE MEMORIES).

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Geez. Asking the hard questions. I don't know. All my ships hold a place in my heart, that's why I write them. So, the answer is... I guess... if you've seen me write for that couple, then THAT couple is my favourite in that moment.

(I like, I have had a few fic requests that I've filled that haven't really been my cup of tea, Veronica/Lamb for instance, or Jayne/River, or Simon/River. I don't like them, but I have written them).

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

All of them. ALL OF THEM. I mean, "Adam's Rib" had so many stories to tell and I could have gotten lost in "The Best Deceptions" world. Omg, that was such a happy, schmoopy fic. Let me go back up to happy fics for a sec...

"... To Dream", "Bitter Revenge", and "Girl int he Mirror" will be my sadness from VM.

and ALL my SQ WIPs. "The New Moon", "A Swan Is A Beautiful Creature", "The Girl of My Dreams (Is Giving Me Nightmares)", "Subject 3662", "Blooding the Water". *sob*. I'm sorry!!!

16. What are your writing strengths?

Angst.

Detail.

Lots of people comment on my phrasing and pacing. The way I string words together and have breaks and just bring forth the imagery. It's never just "and then this happened and then this happened and he put his hand here and she put her mouth there".

No matter where I am planning to go with a fic, i always start from a canon point and keep that canon history. I try to keep characerisations believable. They may get into plots and situations that they would never in canon, but I like to hope I keep their reactions believable and true.

I like to delve into the emotion of it. You know the tumblr meme "Put that guy into situations". THAT'S what I do. And then I examine the ever living fuck out of it.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I don't have a beta reader.

Which is troublesome, because my hands don't work properly anymore. At least, not as well as they used to. I have what's called dupuytren's contracture. It's a thickening fibrous band around the tendons of the hand. My hands aren't restricted, so much at the moment, but it does slow down my pinkie fingers. Which means when I touch type, there are so many mistakes. And I can't NOT touch type.

These come out mainly in things like double capitals (ever wonder why so many times in SVU fics I have the name "LIv" and not "Liv", it's because that capital 'i' is harder to spot. If I type "THe" I see it and fix it. But my eye seems to skip over the "LIv" and "HIs" words.

It also comes out in the spaces in the wrong place. I will type t he instead of 'the', or 'ith appened' instead of 'it happened'.

I spend A LOT OF TIME, going back and editing sentences I have just written. The amount of times I have had to go back and delete/edit words just in this post alone is staggering. It makes things take twice as long.

I have had to work really hard to get back into writing. I stopped for a great deal of time, many years, because I was so bothered by this.

Add to that, the kidney failure gives me brain fog, so I have to spend a lot of time trying to remember the specific words I want to use. For someone who uses words INSTRINSICALLY, knowing there is a specific word I want and not being able to access it in my memory? FUCKING FRUSTRATING, I Can tell you.

Another great weakness is starting a dozen fics at once and being unable to keep up and then being overwhelmed and losing momentum.

This is how I have so many WIPs.

I keep that in mind now, which is why I am limiting myself to two ongoing SVU fics and THAT IS IT. No more until they're finished.

THough I have actually been writing SO MUCH lately. At least once chapter a week. So this is good. Makes me happy.

I get the feeling that I tend to homogenise my characterisations a little. But this doesn't seem to be a complaint of any commenters, so I try not to let my imagination run wild with me.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I have done it.

Firefly fic, by necessity, uses a lot of Chinese. I used to know the html to do the hover type and would have Chinese dialogue with hover type translations. It was fun, because as is the Firefly traditions, you could have the filthiest things in Chinese and the censors wouldn't pick it up. (My favourite thing I wrote translated to... something like "Your mother sucks rotten beef sticks in hell" if I am remembering correctly).

Alas, I have forgotten the html for that. I am sure it's just a google away, but... I don't really need translations for English fics.

I also did a bunch of research for Trigidasleng. I never really wrote The 100 fics, though I did write some drabbles. I probably did more research that necessary for the mount of fic I actually wrote.

But, yeah, I think if the source material calls for it, you should definitely put the effort in.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Who wants a laugh? When I was in primary school, 3rd grade I think, we wrote books. We got to type them on a computer, the teacher printed them out, then bound them and we drew the pictures and coloured them in.

I still have mine.

It's called "Bugs Bunny, Brooke, and the Giant Banana", which was a combination of Bugs Bunny (natch), mary sue insert of my friend Brooke, and James and the GIant Peach.

BUAH HAH HAH.

But truly? My first fandom was Profiler. This is the show that got me ONTO the net, introduced me to fandoms and message boards and fics. If it weren't for those people, I wouldn't be here now.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Don't ask me to choose a favourite child!

Are you kidding me?

I cannot. I can't even do it per fandom. I love them all, which is why I wrote them.

How could you be so cruel?

Tagging: YOU, if you want to.

[bornforastorm]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by dear @boasamishipper. emily you're an enabler

1. How many works do you have on Ao3? 45!

2. What's your total Ao3 word count? 347,538!

3. What fandoms do you write for? literally whatever gets in my craw at any given moment. I will publish one fic for a fandom and then disappear forever, just try me. but I think I will be writing for hbo Perry Mason and Raymond Chandler's Philip Marlowe forever.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos? 1. When This is All Over - Stephen King's IT, Richie/Eddie 2. Light My Candle - Les Mis RENT au (written in 2013! Kill me!) 3. Too Easy - West Side Story 2021, Tony/Riff 4. And Back - The Mummy 2017, Nick/Vail (I am always thinking about The Mummy 2017 and you can't stop me) 5. such a little thing - The Goldfinch 2018, Theo/Boris

5. Do you respond to comments? I try to! I'm really trying to get better about responding to comments. Each one is a little gift, and I do want people to know how much I appreciate it.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I mean both guess how much and The're the Same Thing are fics where characters are go, 'should I kill myself?' and then at the end they land on a resounding 'yes! and I will! as soon as possible!' So those feel the angstiest to me

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? I think it's A Long Retirement! Get happy, Philip Marlowe! Move in with a guy! 'I never saw him again' AS IF, babe, move to mexico instead.

8. Do you get hate on fics? nope 👍the joy of writing in tiny fandoms where no one cares

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? I'm starting to! I'm working on it! smut is a means to an end to romance for me (except my The Bear syd/richie fic which is in fact smut as a means to an end of we-hate-each-other)

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? nah! except for my little same-world hints that I love to drop into things (perry mason-philip marlowe crossover my beloved) and then my one The Lost Boys-Stand By Me fic

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? not that i'm aware of 👍

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? yeah! and what an honor

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? nope 👍

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? I think it's gotta be philip marlowe/terry lennox. a life changing ship. guys I think about every single day of my dang life.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I have a thousand of them. most pressing that I most want to finish are probably my Andor skemik everybody lives au and my MASH crabapple crabs Trapper Goes to Maine prequel

16. What are your writing strengths? I think characterization! dialogue. I think if someone ever said to me, "he would not fucking say that" I would stop writing for months to reexamine my entire worth

17. What are your writing weaknesses? plots! titles! plots! literally plots that go somewhere and do something are my weakest suit l.o.l. 🙃🙃

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I don't do it (instead using the age old work arounds), and when I do, it's only in languages I speak. So while I have enough German to do a little German in fics, but I really don't do it because I have never been confident in my language skills ever in my whole life!

19. First fandom you wrote for? probably it was Stargate SG-1 :)

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? okay so keep in mind that I basically never want to look at a fic I wrote before 2015 ever in my whole life, AND the target audience for everything I've ever written is Me in the Future, so this is big grain of salt territory. The one that really jumps to mind, that I come back to and remain happy with the writing, pleased by the idea, etc etc is a fic that comes up a lot in ask games and so on: Route 117 (also March! which is for an audience of literally only me, I think, but I do like it) (and all my perry mason fics let's be real)

tagging @majorbaby if you want to do it