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#i hate it here. im so so so so so so so tired.
hellonerf · 2 days
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endless insanity incoherent shit about ame and love and family(featuring england and cana a bit specifically sorry france i actually do have thoughts about that there but i'm lazy and tired and this is incoherent already)(it didn't start off like that this is honestly like some stream of thought shit hence the incoherence)
some shit when i think about. sorry. colonial ame extremely upset tantrums theres no way england didnt hit him or spank him which would just upset ame more. ame would sulk and wish for england to drop dead because theres not much else he can say or do about the frustration. cana goody two shoes kid would be like why do you have to act out like that so much... ame immediate rage. probably hits cana like GO CRY ABOUT IT!!! and cana cries and then england walks in like America!!! and it just gets worse. but in the end when england has to leave again ame still clings and cries after england is saying his goodbyes. england does feel that he cares about ame deeply, so he does try to show his affection. theres some gap here between the care he shows and his "responsibility as a caretaker" if you will... and he's like a teen dad at this point? with his own shitload of baggage and ideas on responsibility from that baggage. man this family can be so interesting. i love tension
of course. this is just my crazythinking that in situations where, you could say, england's parenting was abusive of sorts, specifically in the physical way, to punish tantrums or etc... i think cana would be inclined to try to play polite kid to avoid punishment. and so he would feel maybe more vindicated? that he's the good example. in this it creates kind of a chasm between england/cana and ame. (why i think mapletea would just drive ame crazy wall smashing head insane, besides that ame already feels jealous/insecure like that anyways no matter what) this feeling is pushed by the revolution where ame and england are Like That, and here again cana sides with england(he's not Fully in it but he does technically side with england, and ame definitely views it like that). to him this is proof... of what you ask? i don't know..... that period where he was on decidedly bad terms with both of them, i always think he's like teenage-losing it about it. won't show it or at least will try not to of course, but it's genuinely something that eats at him so hard. (ame voice Nobody loves me. Everyone should love me. i could probably make that happen.) and ame decides things like that first and foremost with personal relations. this is specific, but im like, i think it's a mental testing he does on people. example, completely without their knowledge, someone's random act can register in his brain as an opposition to him, because his mind decided that's what it means.(somewhere subconscious). so for some time i'd imagine in his mind, that cana and england hated him, or looked down on him, or expected him to wind up dead anyways. ame is never not looking for approval and this fuels that sooooo much. it's like spite and anger and crying and stomping on the ground and in a way grieving. he's staring at the sky like it's unfair. they don't want me in their life. because i'm better than them. i hate them so much.(he wouldn't say it like this to other people, hate is a strong word, and i wouldn't say he hates them here either)
despite his bravado of "whaat? everyone likes me right?" the mental cogs are stuck here no matter what he says. cana loves him, even if it's so frustrating to, cana cares about him deeply. it fucks with ame's brain but he knows this deep down, that cana does love and care about him. at some point too he knows the same for england. but i also think he's like, specifically with cana too when he's specifically being really cynical about relations is like, "oh and he's only around... cause he has to be..." and ame wouldn't entirely be wrong there. and cana would argue so what! do you need a cosmic soulmate love to prove something? and ame is like (yeah i kinda do....). love can't just exist for you right here right now?! cana's love is "invalidated" in this sense. and also it hurts his brain too much to really think about the complexities in his relationship to both england and cana. that they really did care about him, but it's not easy. (hurts his brain... like why is interaction so stressful? why is it complicated? why can't people just go i love you and the end?). ame is not a romantic person but i think his view on love can get so fantastical like this. (he wants to be the one proposed to awwww omg you guysss...) at the same time it's a very simple view on love. he doesn't want to end up humiliated and is willing to humiliate others to avoid it. if love is true then there is One True Love... For him... JK! NOT FOR HIM!(slurps soda) who needs that shyit!!!(eats burger). a lot of things he can't/really doesn't want to accept. this is why i'd say anytime he ever felt feelings significant enough that even he would call it love it was mindnumbingly overwhelming. putting his eggs in one basket... don't fail me now!!! (and i always think none of his relationships are stable. duh. so). i like fics where ame is made to be like a crazy ex girlfriend. because he would. rather than love as a constant thing to do it sometimes feels more like an achievement or endpoint for him. something that happens at the end of movies lol... if love was happening REALTIME it'd be surreal for him to process. and like true genuine love not his fake idea of what love looks like
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sugarbear2001 · 3 days
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I hate when Im trying to look for sapphic books that fit into certain genres such as romanticy all I get is booktok hetero recs and one sapphic book. I fucking hate it here so bad like I understand that a majority of women are straight and want hetro romance but why does google have to shove their books in my face when I specifically search for sapphic?? Tired of being catfished by a book that pops up under a search for sapphic but turns out to be some viral booktok bs.
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iamzer0 · 2 days
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ƝЄƔЄƦ ƛԼƠƝЄ
𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝟸
𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚜 𝚊𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚛𝚗: 𝚔𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚞𝚊, 𝙶𝚘𝚗, 𝙷𝚒𝚜𝚘𝚔𝚊, 𝙿𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚘𝚖 𝚝𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚙𝚎 (𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎!)
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Despite how everyone around you is acting, your life continues on. To say things have gotten worse is a huge understatement. Lemme give a run down of why, well it all started one week ago.
You had grown to hate the boys possessive behavior, you wanted to leave and go back home. Unfortunately things can never be that easy, you had been working up the courage and trying to find the words to say to let them down easy. Then you finally burst their bubble and told them the truth. You sat them down and told them “Guys I have to say something important” Gons smile slowly faded and a concerned look washed over his face. “I want you to know that…. I’m not happy here. I haven’t been for some time”
gon and Killua shared confused looks “what do you mean you’re not happy? You have everything you need” Killua said now slowly getting angry “Look I’m just tired, tired of well everything. I’m going back home tomorrow I miss my family and my bed. I hope y’all understand” you said trying to let them down gently. “Is it us?” Gon said “ no as I said I’m just tired” you said in an exhausted voice. “You sleep 8 hours every night!” Killua said in a somewhat desperate tone. “Look I’m going back home, I’m sorry but this is my decision” you said now agitated by their responses.
“We can’t let you do that!” Gon said exchanging looks with Killua “The world is dangerous! There are sick people out there that could hurt you!” Killua said angry that you would even say something such blasphemous. “Killua is right you could get hurt out there!! Let us protect you” Gon said in a worried tone, “I’m not made of glass I can protect myself! It’s my choice to leave not yours!” You said angrily “[reader] don’t do this!” Gon said
“IM LEAVING, THIS IS MY CHOICE STOP BEING SO DAMN CONTROLLING” you shouted then you turned to leave. No longer caring about hurting them. Suddenly you felt a sharp pain at the back off your neck then blackness.
You wake up, confused blinking wearingly. You try and get up but your arm won’t move you blink away the your sleepiness, and see your arm tied to the bed post of the bed in the hotel in Heavens arena you were staying at. Those fucking psychos you think. You look around and spot Gon and Killua sleeping on the couches. “What the fuck you guys?!” You scream waking them up.
“[reader] your awake!” Gon said in a somewhat happy tone but there was nothing to be happy about at least not in your eyes that is.
“What is happening?!” You shout as panic begins to replace your anger. “Calm down, look we couldn’t have you leave us, unprotected it’s safer with you here” Killua said attempting to calm you down.
“Calm down?!? I will not calm down what the fuck!?!” You said tugging at the chain hard, causing your wrists to bleed. They rushed over restraining you as you tried biting them.
So that’s how your life is going right now, they feed you everyday despite your many protests to be set free. You were scared, a week or two ago they were your best friends how did it come to this. You started to back track in your life to try and find out what changed. I mean you currently had a lot of free time. So you thought back on everything trying to find out why they are acting like this maybe it was Hisoka you thought, or maybe it was someone I fought, or maybe they’re just fucking lunatics you thought.
You eventually stopped caring all you wanted now was to escape and leave this place and never look back. So you hatched a plan, you were going to leave during the night. Killua was your biggest problem he was a fricken trained assassin how do you beat that? So you continued to develop the perfect plan then something unexpected happened. They had made it to the top floor.
Fuck. All that planning out the window, Gon decided to go and visit his aunt mito. They were taking you with them how you ask? By drugging you of course. Killua came into the room holding a needle and a bottle of mystery liquid. You started panicking, Gon rushed over and started trying to calm you down, but you kept squirming so he physically held you down while Killua put the needle in your arm mystery liquid filled your body.
“It’s alright” Gon said calmingly “you’re just going to go to sleep for a while” Gon said his voice now sounded like an echo, then darkness.
The drugs were strong but your will was stronger, even in your sleep you fought it. You woke up in flashes then immediately going back to sleep the first time it happened you were on someone’s back you ever so slightly turned your head and saw Hisoka standing in the hallway. The second time you woke up you were boarding a ship still on someone’s back.
The third time you were below deck with Gon standing over you feeding you what tasted like soup. The fourth and final time you were be carried bridal style into a house. Which you soon learned was aunt mitos.
You were placed on a bed “f-f….uck” you said waking up slowly with the world’s worst headache. After waking up you felt the weakest you had ever been in your entire life it was horrible. You were in and out of sleep, throwing up, having fever dreams the whole 9 yards.
They hated seeing you like this but they didn’t want you to try and run away. Aunt mito became your savior you tried asking her for help but she just thought you were in pain from this terrible sickness you contracted from the ship ride over, at least that’s what the boys said.
“H-he..lp m…me” you managed to croak out “awh you poor baby” Mito said while placing a cold cloth in your forehead. Even though she was clueless of your situation she was the only sane one in that house. She was oh so kind to you it was heavenly it reminded you of your parents taking care of up when you were younger and sick.
You got better and eventually you left agin with them to York new, something about finding Gons father with a game or whatever you didn’t care you were still planning your escape.
Y’all were finally at York new the boys still so protective and controlling over you, huddling around as to make sure nobody even got close to you.
They needed money and fast so they could buy the game at the auction. That was your way out, the auction, you had a fool proof plan. Step one act like their helpless little sibling gain their trust back, essentially playing into their delusions.
Step two beg to go to the auction say that you want to be there to support them in their journey to find greed island. Step three once you are there book it to the nearest and buff security guard and tell them about the lunatics keeping you captive.
Of course nothing can ever go as planned can it? The phantom troupe just had to come and ruin your plan.
They had heard that the phantom troupe was worth a crap ton of money so they were hunting them down, unfortunately when they got caught you just so happened to have been in the area.
Fuck your life you thought as they stuffed you in the limo. You sat near the ones called Maci and Phinks. Machi was silent just staring you down trying to intimidate you, it didn’t work you were to pissed to be scared, they royally fucked up your perfect plan. Phinks on the other hand kept trying to talk to you you wanted to slap the shit out of him but that would result in your death and you valued your life, sort of.
So you instead kept your mouth shut only responding when you thought he would be angry if you didn’t. You looked up and saw this weird short black haired guy staring at you like Machi. He scared you his aura alone was enough to keep you away.
They lead you into their hideout you were almost positive this would be your final resting place.
You surprisingly spotted someone you knew, Hisoka, fucking, marrow. Why of all people him, Gon almost gave away the fact y’all knew him. Maybe just maybe Hisoka could save you from this hell.
They discussed what to do with y’all, suddenly the blond one named Shalnark spoke up saying he knew you. What the shitnuggets you thought I don’t know this guy. Suddenly a distant memory flooded into your head you had met him.
At the time you didn’t know the tragedy he inflicted on your family. He had killed your aunt, in front of you, kinda lemme take you back.
He had heard about this valuable piece of tech that your aunt had, and of course he needed to have it. You had just so happened to be staying at your aunts at the time he decided to break in. He had broken in, your aunt of course was refusing to show him where it was, he’s a busy man so he placed his pin in her and mind controlled her into showing him were it was.
You had a nightmare and ran out of your room looking for your aunt you ran into him. He looked down surprised to see a tiny lil kid hugging his leg, crying, asking for your auntie. He hadn’t accounted for their being kids in the house, he had no problem killing kids, he hated doing it but if the job required it. This job didn’t, so in a split second decision he kneeled down to your level and patted your head saying your auntie was out and he was a babysitter.
He calmed you down and brought you back to bed, tucked you in and everything. He told you was watching a horror movie so any screams you heard where the movie. You fell asleep,woke up went out and found your aunt decapitated. Not a fun memory.
You spook up saying “Hey you were the babysitter that killed my aunt!” Killua and gon and most of the troupe gave you the “what the fuck” look.
“Ah so you do remember me” Shalnark said smiling “unfortunately yes” you said under your breath.
This was going to be a terrible interesting mostly terrible adventure. Buckle up!
That’s all for today I’ll update y’all tomorrow with part 3! :3 love you all remember to drink waterฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ(part one is on my page)
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lilybug-02 · 6 months
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Patience and responsibility....that's a promise....right?
Part 27 First || Previous || Next
--Full Series--
An exorcism? In my family-friendly Deltarune? It's more likely than you may think. The backgrounds here were very interesting! Much more complex than how I usually do them (especially that computer).
Player POV:
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Feral energy.
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slavhew · 3 months
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i reread this scene and i could just. picture it. so vividly.
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fucklife101 · 1 year
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I want all of my secrets back. I want all of my love back. I want to take it all back and sit in a deep hole with it.
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fairsweetlonging · 3 months
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the thing that sets apart hua cheng from most other devotee/worshipper-type relationships in other media is that hua cheng would actually throw himself on his knees and crawl across the floor if xie lian wanted to, he would demean himself without shame because shame comes from the perception that you have done something wrong or foolish in another's eyes, and hua cheng would never see his god's will as either, nor care for anyone's else's opinion
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crybaby-bkg · 1 year
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I know I've talked about bull and bear hybrid Bakugou, but has anyone ever talked about lion hybrid Bakugou???? I thought about this concept when I was still half asleep this morning but like,,,,
lion hybrid bakugou with his big ole head and even bigger mane of hair, all soft, colored like the sand you'd dig your toes into at the beach. he has a little scruff on his chin, but he never grows it out because he hates the upkeep of it.
he's always loud, growly yawns whenever you see him, his canines sharp and pointy when he opens his maw wide enough for you to peek in. he's so big and soft where it matters, lazes around all day everyday, and gets these big bursts of energy at the most random of moments. he's basically an overgrown cat basically
omg and he has this complex where he's just sooo high and mighty, like he's some king meant to be worshipped. but all you have to do is kiss his cheeks and rub a hand through his hair when he lays his big dumb head in your lap, and he's purring up a storm.
and and and lion hybrid bakugou whose tongue can feel so rough when he's feeling lazy about it, but somehow knows how to work it just right whenever he wants to lounge between your legs. gets so huffy and growly when you mumble that you can't cum anymore, just nudges your thighs a little wider with his shoulder as he nuzzles his nose against your mound. doesn't care to hear any of your complaining, because he's still eating and doesn't intend on finishing until he's ready.
omg and and lion hybrid bakugou whose favorite position is, of course, doggy style. but only because he gets to wrap your little dainty neck up in his powerful jaws and pin you there, likes how you whimper and shiver but go limp either way because you trust him with your life. he pins your arms beside your head and grunts so loud into your nape when he finally sinks his cock inside of you. he practically lays flat on top of you, just rutting his hips against your ass over and over until he knots you.
which is his favorite part because you two get to just lay there for what feel like hours, and you keep coming intermitally because he can't help but rut his hips a few more times, and hiss at the way his knot tugs at your clenching lips. sigh just lion hybrid bakugou who looks so mean and intimidating but he just loves you so much and can't get enough of you
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anirritant · 1 month
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umm i guess im treating this like an au now ahah
pmd2 darkrai hasn't had time to figure out wtf is going on (he's been here for like an hour tops). he's lost his composure immediately lol
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ftmwarewolves · 7 months
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So what's up with the hatred for binary trans men within the queer community? Even within the trans masculine community as a whole, what is with the cruelty?
Why is it that when a trans femme spoke to me about other trans men in her life, she turned around and used "thats so binary" as an insult towards them, as if she wasn't talking to a binary trans person. Not that it's the worst thing in the world, but it raises questions. At least to me.
What is with that? Why is it wrong for binary trans men to be men? It's not wrong for trans mascs to be masc, so what is the deal with being a man? Does it still really just boil down to simply being a man?
Do you internally think we are "gender traitors" still?
Bc that's what it seems like to me. You can be whatever you are, as long as it isn't a binary trans man.
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No makeup so u get half my face. Back in the west coast 🫠
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depressiv · 4 months
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ⁿᵒᵇᵒᵈʸ ᶜᵃʳᵉˢ ʰᵒʷ ⁱ ᶠᵉᵉˡ
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pyunyrage · 2 months
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. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ 𝒅𝒂𝒊𝒍𝒚 𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒆 . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁
. ۫ ꣑ৎ . 𝟐𝐩𝐦: 𝐰𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐮𝐩
. ۫ ꣑ৎ . 𝟒𝐩𝐦: 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧, 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠, 𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐳𝐞 𝐦𝐞𝐧
. ۫ ꣑ৎ . 8̯̭̓̇͂p̞̈͑̚͞ḿ̬̏ͤͅ: r̴̨̦͕̝o̯̱̊͊͢t̲̂̓ͩ̑
. ۫ ꣑ৎ . 𝟒𝐚𝐦: 𝐠𝐨 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐩
. ۫ ꣑ৎ . 𝒓𝒆𝒑𝒆𝒂𝒕
. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁
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slurred teases and sweet kisses
arataka reigen/female reader
tw for drinking, bars, intoxication
You roll your eyes as he takes another sip of his drink, his mouth set in smug grin as he swirls the liquid in his glass and watches as the ice clinks against the walls of his cup. With each sip he takes, his face gets more flushed, his words get more slurred.
Arataka has an embarrassingly low tolerance to alcohol, and you're witnessing it firsthand. He's feeling it too; that urge to kiss you is a lot stronger than usual...
★ ★ ★
...Should he invite you? You're just his employee after all, and the both of you would be alone in the bar...
Arataka glances at you for a moment, looking up from the newspaper he was reading at his desk. He's not actually reading it, of course — he can barely concentrate on breathing when you're in the room with him. You're just so... Distracting, he can't help it.
The slow rise and fall of your chest, the motion of your hand as you tuck a strand of your hair behind your ear, the way your eyes would flit between him and the window — Arataka could watch you for hours and not grow bored.
If Arataka invites you to just... Go to that bar he used to be a usual at, then the two of you would be alone. Like a date, which it— it isn't, of course— that would be crazy! There's no way you'd want to date Arataka, of all people, it just doesn't make sense for you to like him!
You think of him as an employer, a friend, maybe a close one, but just that! Nothing more, nothing less!
Arataka exhales sharply through his nose, flipping the page to look like he's reading the paper. He can feel the grain of the grey newspaper between his fingertips as he rubs his finger absentmindedly on the edge, pick up that faint scent of printed paper in the air.
You risk a glance at him, and your eyes shimmer with the evening sun's light as you study his features: his disinterested gaze, his relaxed posture, his incurious expression. He's... Mesmering to look at in this state, this boredom, especially since he's so expressive usually.
He also looks rather attractive, but that doesn't really matter.
You can see him stiffen, trying to ignore how hot he feels with your eyes roaming all over his body, but... Not that he doesn't enjoy it, of course — Arataka adores when you study him, just like how he studies you. You've noticed a lot of things about him by now; the way he'd adjust his grip on the newspaper, the way his eyes skim over the text, the way he leans back in his chair, his posture relaxed; bored.
You quickly avert your gaze, and Arataka feels a pang of sadness at the loss of your attention.
You, yourself, are not doing much. You're just... Sitting quietly at the little couch in the corner of the room, waiting patiently for the customers to come in. You're staring out the window, watching as the pedestrians on the streets walk along back to their homes or to the restaurants and bars, watching the way the trees sway in the light breeze, some of their vibrant green leaves falling off the sharp brown branches.
It's your job, after all — the job Arataka is paying you for — to be whatever customer service is needed when he's too busy exorcising the client's spirits or helping talk through their worries.
You take a slow, deep breath, inhaling that familiar scent of salt and incense, of sweat and cologne.
Arataka doesn't need you, not really. He just wants an excuse to see your face day after day after day, hear your darling little voice call his name when you need help.
He likes it most during that little frame of time when Mob has left to go back home, but you're still in the office — alone — with him, simply coexisting in eachother's presence. This is the time that he'd talk to you, joke with you, spend time with you — but just because he enjoys talking to you for every second of the day you're with him doesn't mean that he isn't content in settling into a comfortable silence with you. He likes... Coexisting with you, whether you're on your phone or looking out the window, whether he's reading the newspaper or watching the little TV in the corner of the room.
It's... Nice, in a way, to have someone care about you just as much as you care about him.
"The sky's pretty nice, isn't it?" You say to Arataka, tapping on the glass with your finger and bringing his attention to it.
It is rather pretty; golds and oranges are strewn across the sky like an artist's first experimental brush strokes on their canvas, the colours shifting with every minute that passes as the sun goes lower and lower on the horizon. The clouds are rimmed gold — a delicate, thin outline to show its form, shimmering and soft as the light bounces off it.
It's not sunset yet, no, but — oh, how that golden light spills into the room, how it makes Arataka's eyes sparkle—
"Yeah, it is pretty."
His words are simple, but it's evident that he's fighting himself to keep his tone disinterested. He doesn't want to show interest in you: he'd look like a fool. He doesn't want to look like a fool in front of the girl he likes.
You clear your throat (you always do that when you need to distract yourself from your thoughts, Arataka's noted), and you settle back in your seat. He grins, an opportunity to tease you coming to his mind, the words already beginning to brew.
"You what looks nicer, though?" He asks, his tone playful as he looks you up and down, feeling pleasant shivers run down your spine. It feels so... Good, to be the object of his attention, to be the subject of his praise.
"What?" You ask, crossing your legs as you lean back in your chair. You're grinning pridefully, knowing that he'll most definitely say you're prettier.
Arataka's thin smile widens noticeably, his eyes narrowing in delight.
"Me, of course."
You roll your eyes, though it's clear you mean nothing malicious by it. "Oh, please, Arataka," you say, your tone teasing, "you're full of yourself. You're a lot uglier than the sky."
A lie. To set off any suspicions that you like him.
He just grins wider, settling into his seat like a proud king.
Even though it's nothing more than light, playful banter, every second Arataka spends with you feels like a moment in heaven — your voice the angel's songs, your hair their shining halos. You never refuse any of his silly little jokes, always laugh at those half-wit puns he makes, and it... It sends waves of butterflies to his stomach, knowing that you enjoy being around him, knowing that you like being his friend.
And vice versa — every second you spend with Arataka is such fun, such enjoyment, that you lose track of time and go back home hours later than intended. He's just so... Fun to talk to, what with his witty replies and clever jokes, his carefully placed puns and playfully sharp remarks. He's such a joker, always able to make you laugh, and he likes it. He likes hearing your laugh. He likes it a lot.
The newspaper crinkles loudly as Arataka folds it, placing it on the desk. Struggling to keep his expression neutral and his voice level, he asks you a simple question.
"Wanna go out for drinks later?" Grinning, now, "I'll pay."
Please say yes. Please, please say yes.
You hum in thought as if you don't know your answer already. Your voice is light; playful, and Arataka can hear the grin plastered on your face when you reply.
"I don't know... I don't drink."
You don't, that bit is true: you've tried, and failed, to enjoy alcohol and intoxication. It's just so... Sour, and overwhelming, and it feels so horrible the next day.
Arataka lets out an exasperated groan, but the both of you know it's fake.
"Come on— please?"
He leans on the desk, his whole upper body resting on the wood, trying to get as close to you as he can to you without getting up. His eyes almost seem to sparkle as he smiles wide, trying as hard as he can to convince you, knowing you can't say no to that god forsaken smile. "Pretty please? It's my birthday!"
He's almost pleading as he tilts his head innocently, his cheeks resting comfortably in his hands, his elbows planted on the desk. "You don't wanna upset the birthday boy, do you?"
You sigh, though you aren't annoyed. You can't say no, the both of you know that — especially since it's his birthday. And, unbeknownst to you, it's the first birthday Arataka will be spending with a friend in a long, long time. He's ecstatic, Especially since it's you.
Even if it's just one friend, and even if that friend is a girl he really likes is his employee, it's still counted, right?
You... Are a friend, right?
Because the way your pretty little lips would curl into a grin whenever you'd tease him, the way your words would cause him to erupt into fits of laughter, the way you always enjoyed the little games of banter the two of you often shared certainly made it seem so.
You roll your eyes at his display.
"Fine, fine, okay. I'll go celebrate your birthday with you or whatever."
Arataka has to hide his excitement, struggling to keep himself from smiling ear to ear, struggling to ignore how his heart flutters, struggling to ignore that familiar feeling of butterflies in his stomach.
He always feels this way when he's with you though, so he's gotten pretty good at ignoring it.
"When do you say we should go?"
Arataka tilts his head more heavily to the side as he asks you that question, his eyes roaming around the room as he thinks. You watch as he shifts in his chair, trying in vain to get comfortable in the god awful position he's sitting in.
His grin widens. "Now?"
Flitting your eyes to the clock and reading the time quickly, you answer him, your voice level; though there's a slight undertone — barely even there — of a playful, almost accusational chide. You're just buying time to annoy him, giving him pointless excuses.
"It's still ten minutes to closing."
Arataka sighs in dramatised exasperation, putting such an emphasis on the rolling of his eyes that it makes you scoff in playful annoyance. It makes his heart flutter, knowing that you're entertained by him. God, how he loves that voice of yours... How he loves you...
Spinning his hand so fast that it's a blur, he stops abruptly, pointing to himself as he grins proudly. "I'm the boss, here. I can close this place any time I want."
He gets his elbows off the desk, kicking his feet onto the wood as you hum in response to his words. Nodding as you speak, you agree with him. "Good point, good point."
Arataka and you clean up the office a little, sweeping the corners here and dusting the chair over there. The two of you are in a comfortable silence, content enough with the fact that you're in each other's presence.
As you clean, Arataka can't help but notice — he always notices — all those little things you do: the way you place one foot in front of the other to the beat of the song stuck in your head; the way you hum softly to yourself, quiet enough to think he can't hear; the way your eyes would catch glimpses of his every so often.
More often than not, he'd get lost in all your little habits. It's just... The minor ways you'd entertain yourself as you clean, the manner in which you would tuck your hair behind your ear, the way you'd roll your sleeves up before doing anything, is so... Cute, you're so cute...
It's not long before the place is as good as new, and Arataka is switching the lights off and taking the keys to the door.
"After you, m'lady," he says in an unnecessarily posh voice, bowing slightly as he opens the door for you. You nod, thanking him as you step out, bathed the hot summer night air — it's humid, the air thick with moisture as you breathe in the scent of moist pavement and soaked leaves from the rain that had happened a few hours earlier.
The more you walk, the more you can hear the bustling of the shopkeepers in their kitchens and behind their counters, pick up the buzz of the neon signs just beginning to flicker on, listen to the indistinct chatter of the night life starting to settle into the bars and night clubs. Though it's faint, it's most definitely there, and it's getting louder and louder with each minute that passes.
The walk to the bar isn't quiet; it's never quiet when the two of you walk together. The air is always filled with friendly conversation, laughter and giggles peppered in here and there, occasional glimpses at his soft, pink lips...
Arataka is taking in every little thing about you, from the way your smile would form to the tapping of your shoes on the pavement. You're... Perfect, you.
He tries his best to match your pace, making sure that his footfalls are in tandem with yours, making sure that you both are walking as one.
If someone was looking on at the two of you, they'd think you were a couple.
A few minutes later, Arataka is pushing open the door of the Happy Trails bar, gesturing for you to enter. The floor is sticky, the air thick with the sharp smell of alcohol and sweaty office workers. The lights are dim; warm, inviting, as you take a seat after Arataka pulls one out for you.
"So what'll you have?" He asks, flashing you the most charming grin he can muster. He settles into his seat, getting more comfortable: unbuttoning his suit jacket, loosening that pink tie on his neck, undoing the top buttons of his immaculate white dress shirt. God, he's so hot—
It's hard to keep from staring, but you manage.
You shrug. "Just soda."
Arataka nods, not questioning it as he calls the bartender over and ordering for both you and him: an iced cola for you, and a lemon sour — extra sour — for him. He always orders that, and, based on the few times you've gone out drinking with him, you don't think he drinks anything else.
He settles into his seat, and you struggle to get your voice to pierce through the indistinct conversations of the other patrons.
"So, Arataka," you nearly shout, your tone playful, "how do you feel now that you're 28?"
He hums in thought, bringing a fist to his chin as he thinks about his answer.
He shrugs.
"So-so, but—" he pauses for dramatic effect, the shadow of a grin ghosting on his lips —"I'm feeling a whole lot better since you're here to help me into my old age."
You laugh slightly at his little joke. Arataka's dopey little grin widens with pride, having made you giggle yet again.
Your drinks arrive a little after this, and you can't help but notice the bartender giving you an accusational side eye as he slides the both of you your glasses, seeming to doubt the fact that you and Arataka aren't dating.
"Oh, come now, Arataka—" his heart flutters at the sound of your voice saying his name —"you're not that old." Your grin widens, your tone teasing. "You look a lot older, though."
He lets out an offended half laugh, shoving your shoulder playfully in mock offence. "How mean!" He cries, trying in vain to make his voice sound offended.
It's quiet as you sip your cola slowly, and you're not blind to the way Arataka's eyes follow your tongue as it darts out to get whatever droplets of your drink missed your mouth.
...God, how he wants to taste that sharp, teasing mouth of yours, feel every crevice and crease of your lips as they press into his... How he wants to run his hands through your soft hair as he combs it out of the way of your perfect face, how he wants whisper sweet nothings into your ear as you fall asleep in his arms...
"You should... Really watch that tongue of yours," he warns playfully, his words beginning to slur, fighting to ignore his thoughts. He's barely even had a sip of his drink, and he already looks like he's about to pass out.
He wags a wobbly finger in your face like a mother reprimanding her child. "I might get tired of you and fire you."
You roll your eyes, scoffing.
"Oh, Arataka," you tease, leaning in close — close enough to smell the scent of his expensive cologne, close enough to smell the alcohol on his breath, close enough to feel just how hot he is. He grits his teeth, struggling not to close the distance between the two of you as you speak lowly, quietly: for his ears only.
"We both know you like me too much."
And he— he blushes, oh, and he pushes you away with the tip of his unsteady finger to your forehead. You swallow the slight hurt you feel as Arataka replies, his response clumsy as always — more so now that he's drunk. "And we... Both know you like me too much to let yourself... Get fired."
You roll your eyes as he takes another sip of his drink, his mouth set in smug grin as he swirls the liquid in his glass and watches as the ice clinks against the walls of his cup. With each sip he takes, his face gets more flushed, his words get more slurred.
Arataka has an embarrassingly low tolerance to alcohol, and you're witnessing it firsthand. He's feeling it too; that urge to kiss you is a lot stronger than usual...
And though the motion is wobbly, unbalanced, now it's his turn to lean in close. He almost falls on you.
His grin is wide, and though it's lopsided from the alcohol, it still manages to be annoyingly smug, and... Wonderfully endearing, too, like he's trying to make you happy regardless of how his vision blurs and his head pounds. "I'm... Doing you a favour for not... Firing you, you know."
You scoff mockingly at his words, drinking your soda as you grin. "Please, Arataka"— another rush of butterflies to his stomach —"I know I'm far too important to you to just... Get rid of."
You're grinning smugly now, leaning in closer to his face. Your noses are almost touching, and you can almost taste his lips now — the sweetness of alcohol mixing with the sharp mint of his mouthwash, his saliva thick as Arataka swallows. You're not blind to how his unfocused eyes fall down to your mouth for a moment, licking his lips like he's looking at a freshly cooked meal, ready for devouring.
"Ah, but you need to... To remember," he says, leaning away from you, gripping the table in tight hands to stop himself from falling off his barstool. He squints as he talks, trying hard to form the words. "I could totally just do it right now. Nothing's... Stopping me."
You sigh, smiling, rolling your eyes but staying quiet.
Arataka downs the remainder of his drink in one swift gulp, slamming the cup down onto the wooden bar table with a loud thud.
He doesn't order another one, thankfully, because at the rate he's getting drunk, he's bound to pass out or vomit anytime soon. His cheeks are an almost bright red, his eyes half-lidded and glossed over, unfocused as he stares at you; when he breathes, you can smell the alcohol on his breath.
"Hey, Arataka."
You sip your soda, licking the glass a little to see how he reacts get the drops that missed your mouth. Arataka watches your tongue, almost hungrily so, his gaze unblinking and his breathing shallow.
You want to try and get as many secrets as you can get out of a drunk Arataka, just to have something to either a) tease him about, or b) blackmail him with.
"What do you think about me?" You ask, grinning.
Arataka shifts in his seat, thinking hard about his answer, and doing it for a suspiciously long time. A plan to avoid your question brews, half-finished in his mind.
He gives you a lopsided grin, leaning in with a shaky, unsteady motion, before abruptly jerking away and pressing his hands to his mouth as if he's trying to prevent himself from vomiting. As he hunches over on himself, your face immediately shifts to one of concern, your brows furrowing and your grin disappearing.
"...Arataka? You okay...?" You ask gently, rubbing his back. You've seen him vomit aggressively after taking so much as a sip of alcohol, and you're definitely preparing to wipe bile from the corners of his mouth.
It's quiet for a moment, save for the clinking of glass and the chatter of overlapping conversation.
"I... Eugh." He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, grimacing as he feels his head pound — and that plan, that drunk one that sober Arataka would definitely not approve of, starts forming more clearly in his mind.
You grow more worried the more you watch, his movements shaky, his words all blending together. He thinks he's doing a pretty good job at looking like he's going to vomit — and since you're acting so worried about him, then he'd wager that his plan is working.
"Arataka, are you okay?" You ask again, your voice firmer, though still retaining that soft, quiet worry. You rub what you hope are soothing circles on his back, and you can see him visibly relax, letting out a long sigh.
"'M fine," he mumbles, swatting your hand away, his eyes struggling to open.
It's working, it's working! Keep going, Arataka!
Just as you're about to speak again, Arataka opens his mouth, faking a retch, and you panic. He falls — definitely not accidentally — straight into your lap, and it takes a moment to register that no vomit has come from his mouth before you hit him playfully on his forehead. His heart skips a beat when you don't push him off, merely just hitting him.
"Ow!" He exclaims, his grin crooked as he struggles to fake a grimace of pain, rubbing the spot you hit him.
"Even when you're drunk, you still manage to annoy me," you grumble, though the amused smile on your face gives away what you're feeling.
You ruffle his hair a little, tangling your fingers in between the delicate golden strands — and he lets out a sigh at your touch, closing his eyes in contentment. Your heart beats faster as you look at him: his flushed cheeks and content, closed eyes, his relaxed body resting in your lap — god, you have to fight yourself not to plant a kiss on his low, pointed nose.
Arataka pries open his eyes when you stop combing through his hair with your fingers.
"What... Can I say," he says slowly, looking at you with a gaze that can only be described as one of a lover's: sweet, tender, and affectionate. "I love... Seeing your smile."
Your heart flutters.
The two of you stay in this position for a while, a position a lot like a couples'. Neither of you complain — if anything, the both of you enjoy it — and it's not long before Arataka's eyes slowly shut, his breathing slowing as he starts to fall asleep in your lap.
You feel butterflies in your stomach when you gaze upon his calm expression: his eyes closed firmly shut, his kissable lips curved in a slight smile, his face relaxed.
The bar is almost empty now, save for three or four people having a conversation at one of the tables in the corner. You can pick up their mumbling: they're talking about the two of you, how Arataka didn't vomit yet, how he used to be a usual at this bar, how he never brought any girls with him until today, and what a surprise that he managed to pull such a pretty one.
"Happy birthday, Arataka," you say — and, smiling, you push those golden bangs out of the way with a hand and plant a firm, chaste kiss on his forehead. It's a kiss you've wanted to give him for a long time, but also one you're forced to keep short, just in case you're overstepping boundaries.
Arataka's eyes snap open and widen considerably, his face flushing even more than you thought was possible. He's speechless for a moment as he brings a shaky hand up to feel where your lips touched him, his heart beating a million times a minute, his breathing quick and shallow.
He just... Stares at you, starry eyed, for a minute, his mouth slightly agape.
He snaps back to reality.
"Again," he says impatiently, his tone demanding as he brings his hand down to rest, clasped with the other, in his lap. "As... The birthday boy, this is... Is my birthday gift from you. Kiss... Me, again."
You smile, letting out a slight chuckle at his slurred demand.
"You're sure you won't regret it tomorrow...?" You ask slowly, playfully, as you rake your fingers through his soft, blonde hair. You know he most definitely will.
Arataka shakes his head vigorously in your lap, though stops immediately when he starts to feel his head pound, wincing.
You just watch him for a moment, combing gentle fingers through his hair, smiling in amusement at his impatience. He whines when you don't do what he asked for yet, just staring at him, and he repeats his demand.
"Kiss me. Right... Here," he mumbles, tapping a shaky finger to his forehead.
You oblige, pressing a gentle kiss to his skin, pushing his bangs aside. He sighs, closing his eyes. And when you pull away, "Again," he says almost immediately.
You happily oblige, kissing him there once more.
He stops for a moment, breathing shakily, before getting up from your lap abruptly and wrapping his arms around you tightly. In the process of doing this, his unsteady movements cause the both of you to fall onto the bar stools beside you, so that Arataka is lying down comfortably on top of you; your noses almost touching, your lips just inches away from each other. He's so... Drunk, and so, so cute...
The bartender gives you a stern look, and you flash him an apologetic smile.
Arataka's eyes, half-lidded, fall down to your mouth, and he brings an unsteady hand to cradle your chin as he runs a shaky thumb over your bottom lip.
"...Can I...?" Arataka asks in a low, mumbly slur, his eyes unblinking as he stares at your lips.
You heart races as you nod, and it's barely a moment before he's pressing his lips tightly to yours, shifting and moving them until they're slotted comfortably against each other. His eyes flutter shut as he gets comfortable lying on top of you, getting more accustomed to the soft cloth of your clothes as he runs a hand down your side, getting more used to the soft strands of your hair that he's been itching to run his fingers through.
Arataka tastes... Sour, mostly from the drink he had a few moments ago. There's the faint, sharp tang of the alcohol, too; a sweet, distinct flavour, a rich undertone to the myriad of tastes you manage to sample as his lips shift against yours.
His lips are cracked, chapped, and dry, but you couldn't care less as he tangles a hand in your hair, the other holding your head in place as he tilts his own head to press his lips even more into yours. He grunts, seemingly not satisfied, and pushes his lips onto yours until the kiss is almost bruising.
Your face is flushed when you break the kiss. Though it's short, sweet, and chaste, it's clear that Arataka wants more. You both do.
Just as he's leaning in to kiss you again, the bartender taps your shoulder, glaring at you sharply and jabbing a thumb in the direction of the door. You blurt out a mumbled apology, scrambling to get up, Arataka nearly falling. As promised, he slips the bartender about one and a half times more money than owed.
You both wordlessly exit the bar, and as you walk, Arataka stumbles behind you. He's unsteady; his path is a winding zigzag in comparison to yours, struggling to keep to a straight line and nearly falling onto the road multiple times — and as a way to counter this, you wrap your arm securely around his waist. Arataka responds by leaning his weight onto you, and you both continue on without much issue or argument.
It's much later in the night now; the cars on the road are whizzing past the two of you, the shops all closed with their shutters pulled down over the windows.
The air is heavy with humidity, and you can feel Arataka's sweat from where he presses himself against you. Arataka himself smells of that familiar sharp, sour smell of sweat; the faint scent of salt; and that sweet, sweet cologne he wears. The fabric of the suit is soft as you grip him tightly, every step he takes making him sway more and more until it's clear he's going to either vomit or pass out.
A few moments later, he calls your name in a mumbly, shaky voice, before hurriedly pushing you off him as he staggers to the drain. Before you know what's going on, you're at his side as he vomits a sickly green bile.
You pat his back reassuringly, now only registering that he's vomiting.
Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, Arataka grins at you, though his eyes are struggling to open and his smile is lopsided.
"We're staying... At your house, right?" He mumbles, though he stumbles slightly, and alarm flashes across his face as he swings his hands about to get balanced before he manages to stand straight again. He widens the skewed grin in his face, trying his absolute best to look charming, and failing. It's still adorable, though.
You snicker, nodding in response.
"Let's go, Arataka."
You slide your arm around his waist, and he leans nearly all his bodyweight on you as the two of you walk to your flat.
The walk is quiet as Arataka struggles not to vomit again, barely being able to stay awake to avoid falling unconscious in your arms — it would be a shame if you held him tenderly and he wasn't there to experience it. Nobody's on the streets, so it's just the two of you, save for a car that comes every so often.
The only sound you can hear is the steady tap, tap, tapping of your shoes on the pavement, followed by the much more unsteady beat of Arataka's shiny black dress shoes as he walks beside you.
Neither of you say anything when you walk, neither of you speak when you unlock your front door, neither of you argue when you lead him to your bedroom.
You set him down on the bed slowly, slipping off his grey coat and undoing his necktie. The whole time you're doing this, Arataka's just... Watching you. His eyes, fixed on you, are glassed over, unfocused — but full of so, so much love.
He doesn't say a word as he gets comfortable in your bed, and when he holds you in his arms, falling asleep, it's silent.
★ ★ ★
thanks for reading!!
second chapter !!
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anonymocha · 1 month
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finally coming out as a dyke in 2023 is realizing i dont need to pretend to simp that Guy just because everyone else in my friend group does
#finally coming out as a dyke in 2023 is realizing i can be insane abt women the same way my friends are insane abt men#life changing#mochats#im sorry to my friends who think me simping that guy was genuine#i was just trying to fit in#its a good time to admit that 90% of the time i also dont care abt male characters same way how-#-some straight women dont care abt female characters#i refuse to waste my power on a guy everyone else cares about#im tired enough and i have assignments to do#if i become an outcast for only sparing my energy on women then so be it.#i care about my friends and love them gushing abt a Guy but i personally cannot be made to care in a way they do#not just because i think (often neglected) female characters deserve more of my attention but also because-#-my attraction does influence my interest LETS BE FR HERE#growing up is realizing that putting attention on things you dont care about#is exhausting#as fuck#and i kind of hated how i feel like i wasted my youth energy drawing characters idc abt to please others#now im just tired all the time#while wishing i can draw more women more often#so like#dont do that#draw and write what YOU want#btw its not that i dont care abt men i just have such low energy lately that if i care for anything else but women — it may be unfulfilling#live laugh fatigue#every time i see a guy fanart i scroll past life has never felt so good#(unless its by a friend which i will appreciate dearly i love my friends art and how passionate they r)
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fucklife101 · 2 years
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I don’t feel anything anymore, I’m so exhausted. I just want to be gone.
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