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hoeassproductions · 3 years

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Break A Leg: Chapter 11

Masterlist

***Author’s Note: Hey everyone, I am so sorry that you’ve waiting this long for this story to finish out. I happened to come on here after I haven’t been on Tumblr for almost two years. I honestly thought I had posted the last chapter but realized it’s been sitting in my drafts this whole time! How freaking lame!! Anyways, this got an updated edit and without further ado, the last chapter to Break A Leg! I hope you like it!***

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not own, possess, or have any links to Chris Evans, nor do I profit off of this work. Any claims otherwise are grossly misleading. This work is not to be posted anywhere else without my explicit permission.

If you would like to be added to any future tag list, reply here or send me an ask. I’d be happy to add you! Happy reading!

Word Count: ~2,500

The Beginning

“Sooooo. . .you've been talking to your mom about me?”

Chris begins to turn crimson as he tries to explain away anything Lisa may have overshared.

“Oh god, what did she say? I only told her the good stuff, I promise. I will talk to her about being nosy. She’s a sweet woman. I love her to death and tell her everything.” he says with a shrug of his shoulder.

“I could tell that, yeah.” I say, not being able to hide the smile that beams from my face in listening to him talk about his mom.

“You have no idea.” He chuckles, and I can visibly see the tension leave his body as he realizes I'm not mad.

"Don't worry Evans, I think it's sweet and I don't mind. Just a little taken aback I guess. I don't know, she seemed really excited to meet me. I want to meet her too, don't get me wrong! It's just…" I take a small breathe as I meet Chris eyes as he waits for me to find the words. "… Is she that excited to meet all of your friends?"

"Well, I mean. C'mon Y/N, you're not just anybody! You're…you're you."

Before I can push him further on what he means, he presses on.

"Y/N, about in the hallway before Sandra came out…"

"Yeah… I think that maybe we should talk…" Now its my turn to be nervous as it's not clear where he's taking this.

In the middle of Chris beginning to speak, my phone goes off. We both laugh uncomfortably, the nerves of the new subject getting more frazzled at the second interruption since being alone. Saved by the bell again!

I pull my phone out of my back pocket and I see that it's ringing for a reminder with my date with Jessie. My face drops. How could I forget about… Shit!

When Chris sees the change in expression, he can tell there's a problem. "What's wrong?"

"It's um…it's a reminder. I have to go, I'm sorry." I get up and walk away back to my cabin with conviction in my step. To my surprise, Chris doesn't follow me, but the separation is good. I need time to think.

How the hell did I not remember I told Jessie we could go on a date tonight? It completely slipped my mind. If I never set my alarm, I would not have even batted an eye staying at the dock longer with Chris. Confusion continues running through my mind as I check the clock on my phone again as I reach my porch. Had it already gotten that late? We couldn't have been out there that long already could we? And I rush back here to go on a date?!

I can only think of one thing do at a time like this. With a little under an hour before Jessie shows, I dial Hannah's number. On the second ring, She picks up.

"Hey love, love!"

"Oh Hannah, thank god. I need to talk to you, and I don’t have too much time." I explain to her everything that's happened since I got here and the current predicament. She's listens patiently, and understands my dilemma.

"Hannah, what do I do? With Jessie, and all the old feelings… It's just so easy to fall back into it but Chris…he's something else entirely. I can't get him out of my head or heart. I see small glimmers here and there that maybe he fees the same but I don't know what he wants. It's a risk to lay it all out there not knowing. What do I do? Jessie will be here any minute and I'm so confused."

Hannah is quiet while she thinks everything over for a few moments.

"Y/N, your heart knows what you want. I know it's scary, but that's why you should go for it. Lean into the fear and trust that it would work out. Given everything you've told me, I would be hard pressed to think Chris doesn't have feelings for you. You know what you need to do. I know you gotta get ready or whatever, but I love you. Call me later if you need to talk, okay?"

"Ugh, okay. I hate it when you're right sometimes. I love you, too. We'll talk soon."

Thinking to myself as I get ready with 8pm quickly approaching, I'm finding butterflies beginning in my stomach. The nervousness of what's ahead sinking in more. Before long, I hear a knock on my door, and open it to see Jessie standing there with a bouquet of wildflowers. I welcome him in while I place them in a vase with some water.

"You look great Y/N! I have some fun stuff planned for tonight…" he trails off as he realizes something is off as I don't make eye contact with him or say anything. "Y/N, is everything ok?"

I take a deep breathe as I sit him down next to me.

'Jessie, look. Given our history, I think that it's very important that I be as open and honest with you as I can right now. All day, I've been completely distracted… and you weren't on my mind even once. I forgot about our date until my alarm went off to remind me to get ready. And then, once that happened I began to get butterflies and so nervous, but - " Before I could finish, Jessie speaks up.

“Listen, I know we've never gotten the timing right with this, but I can’t help but feel like fate has brought us together this time. Like….things have finally matched up and we can, I don’t know, give us a try? Before you say anything, can we agree to take some time this week to feel each other out. No expectations, just getting to know each other better again. It’s been awhile, and I know some things must have changed….I know they have for me.”

Giving thought to his words, my mind can’t help but wander to Chris.

Chris said it himself. TWICE. You guys are just friends. What if I go for it and he still feels that way? But Hannah was right, there is something there…something that feels beyond what I can even put into words. The almost kiss, the comfortability on the dock, him being so trusting and open with me? Why not lean in to it? And this, with Jessie? This is just…..safe. Hannah said I need to lean into the fear if that's what my heart wants…

Gathering my resolve, I think to myself for a moment, trying to figure out what the hell to say. Looking at Jessie, I can feel the right choice planting itself even further in my heart as my nerves continue to grow until the words reach my lips.

“You know what? Under normal circumstances, I would probably say yes to that but…I don't feel like I can right now. I did get butterflies before you came because I know what my heart wants. Falling back into this would be easy and low-maintenance…safe. But I don't want that, I want fireworks and passion. I want to feel electricity from a knowing stare across the room or my heart pounding from an almost kiss. I-I just…we don't have that chemistry anymore, Jessie. I have it with someone else, and I don't know what's going to happen but I know I have to at least try, or I'd never forgive myself. I'm sorry. You're a great guy and you deserve to find someone who feels this way about you, but that's not me anymore. It just wouldn't be fair to you if my heart isn't in it. I hope you understand.”

After some time of silence, the tension releases from my shoulders, and I can see him process my words.

"I guess that settles it then, Y/N. I appreciate your honesty, and to be honest, I could see the chemistry between you and Chris as soon as you guys arrived. I always told myself that if I ever saw you again, that I would try again but I understand now that I just got wrapped up in the past and I'm sorry for that."

At the mention of Chris, my eyes shoot up to meet Jessie's. "But I didn't say who it was..."

"You didn't have to. It's obvious and there's been a lot of talk since you guys got here. I shouldn't have even tried to get you back, but I couldn't pass up the opportunity for us to actually have a shot at what we kept failing at for years. Listen, he's a great guy, and if he's the one for you, I'm happy for you. Truly. You could do worse than him. Just be careful. His lifestyle and career… it's no joke."

We both fall silent for a moment at him verbalizing something I hadn't even considered yet, the fame that Chris has to bear. Where would that leave me if this goes any further?

Seeing the gears turning in my head, Jessie interrupts my thoughts thrown into overdrive. "Have you talked to him about your feelings yet?"

"No, I've been trying to deny them for many reasons…I don't know what he wants. He says we're friends, but I feel like there's more there. I know I want more, but it's scary to approach it without knowing."

"Only one way to find out kid. Follow your heart, and your gut. He'd be crazy not to go for it with you. You're a catch, Y/N."

I walk him to the door, and give him a hug on the porch.

"Thanks Jessie, and thank you for being so understanding"

Pulling away, I see that Chris has walked back, and is just getting to his porch. He waits until Jessie leaves to say anything.

"That's what all the rush was about? Him?" I can hear slight frustration in his voice as he says this to me while crossing the distance to his door. Is Chris…jealous?

"I-I, Yes it was, but I made it very clear to him that it wasn't going to work. My heart isn't in it…it's with someone else."

At hearing this, Chris comes to a halt, key at the ready.

"I had to be honest with him. I Couldn't…not when…" my words trail off as Chris' eyes meet mine and I can feel all of the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

"Not when what, Y/N?" he says, walking towards me on his porch, and I can see uncertainty dance in his expression.

I feel my anxiety and fear build up inside of me. Tears begin to well in my eyes and I know what I need to say but getting the words to come out is proving difficult.

I take in a shaky breath to gather myself. Y/N, you can do this. Tell him you're worth it. That you both deserve to give this a real shot.

My pulse quickens as my breathing begins to saw in and out of me, but I hold my ground "Not when...my heart is with you. I want you."

I look at Chris and in a matter of seconds, I see confusion and frustration fade from his face to be replaced by the biggest smile I have seen of his to date.

In seeing the change in his demeanor at my admission, the tears begin to spill over, clouding my eyes to point of blurring my vision so when I begin to feel steps on my porch, I was a little startled.

I wipe my eyes and see Chris standing before me. He reaches for me and pulls me into his arms with no words, knowing that I need a minute to compose myself.

I take in a deep breath, his scent settling around me, and I feel myself starting to relax.

"Chris, I'm.....let me explain....I-"

"No Y/N, it's okay. I'm just happy you're less of a chicken shit than I am."

I feel his laughter vibrate our bodies as he lifts his head, and pulls back to see my confused expression.

"Wait-"

"I feel the same way, and clearly you're scared but Y/N, you're one of the most kind and caring people I have ever met. I would be crazy to NOT to be interested in you! Ever since I dumped my coffee all over you and you threw your panties at me, I knew I had to keep you around by any means necessary." I slap his chest as we recall the haphazard way we met a couple months ago.

"Hey, HEY…" he says, as he shields himself from any more of my attack and we continue to chuckle. "What I'm trying to say is that you're amazing and I have feelings for you too. I don't know when it happened but you burrowed your way into my heart and I…I love having you there "

Listening to this, I am overjoyed. I grab Chris and I pull him in close, resting our foreheads together.

"Oh Chris, that makes me so happy to hear. I was so scared that I would ruin this if I said something and you didn't feel the same way but I couldn't ignore it anymore. You're in my heart too, and there's so much we need to talk about and discuss… a lot to figure out but I want to face all of that with you."

"I know Y/N. I know being with me has it's own challenges that a normal relationship doesn’t have to endure but I will do everything in my power to protect you while giving you the world because you deserve it…WE deserve it. You feel that too, right?"

"Yes, I do. I really do. There's a lot a stake when you lead with your heart."

"There always is but you're worth it, what we will build together will be worth it." He holds me to his chest again as I begin to full out cry, the emotions of it all overtaking me. After a few moments, I can feel his tears beginning to mingle with mine, and the realization hits me that this is real. This is my life and he's not going anywhere.

After we both compose ourselves and have calmed down, I embolden myself and look up into his eyes. "I guess there's only one thing to worry about right now then…to finish this."

The question forming behind his eyes before it reaches his lips, "Finish what?"

"The beginning of us."

Recognition falls over Chris face as I pull him in so our lips to finally meet for the first time, and I can feel in my soul; this is the moment I realize he's the only one that could capture my heart.

As we share our first kiss, I feel the world settle around me. This feels right, here in each other's arms without a care in sight. There's no place I'd rather be and to think it all started with a chance encounter.

~The End~

A/N: Again, so sorry I’m an ass and have kept this ending in my drafts. If you see this and have followed this story this entire time, thank you sooo much! Appreciate all of your likes, reblogs, and words of encouragement to make my first full fic a great experience! Writing is hard and scary, but I really enjoy it and am excited to get back to it! I have some fresh ideas that may just make it on here, so stay tuned!

Tags: @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan @avenger-nerd-mom @mycapt-ohcapt-writes @mad-for-marvel @vanillabeanlattes @captain-ariel-barnes @emilyevanston @thewife101cevans @loricameback @plussizeappreciationfics @a-tale-of-two-comics @melodramaticfanatic @writingcreatingstorytelling @mywritingsblog @disney-fire-fox @harrinoodles @lookwhatyoumademequeue @janeyboo @aglarelen @purelyfictionallife @cevansgirl @mrs-captain-evans @randomcevans @nomadicpixel @elivanah-writes @katiew1973 @tchitchou26@mackevanstanfan80 @unicornpurplelife

#chris evans #chris evans fic #chris evans rpf #chris evans fanfic #break a leg #Break A Leg Fanfic #Chapter 11 #my writing

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lovelyladyventress · 4 years

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Tell me which one of these AUs sounds the most interesting and which one you’d like to read more about? (uhh rep0st?)

I’m reposting this since TUMBLR HATES MY POST/TAGS OR SOMETHING, SORRY IF YOU’VE ALREADY SEEN THIS!

Here I am, back at it again with my AU bullshit. Complete with my ugly ass dauntingly long list of AUs that I’d love to write about but can’t seem to

decide which one to start writing. This has been going on for the past week, dammit! If it’s not too much trouble, could you please help a girl out and let me know either on here or in a PM which one of these you’re curious about or would like to see implemented in an actual story.

Here are four Cloud-centric AU ideas which include (multiple) gay, bi, and (some) straight main/side pairings. Regardless of which one I decide to write first, I (wistful thinking) want to eventually complete most or all of them, even if some of them only end up being one-shots. Thank you! <3

Mercenary Zack and Delivery Boy Cloud AU

Zack, a mercenary, and Cloud, a delivery boy, have been best friends since they were youngsters. Zack is straight but is undeniably (and confusingly into Cloud. Cloud is bi (with a strong leaning towards males) and he’s only recently started to explore that. One day, while Zack and Cloud are hanging out, Zack’s PHS dies and he asks to borrow Cloud’s laptop to check some work-related emails. Cloud says sure, completely forgetting what he’d been “researching” before Zack came over to hang out.

Cloud, suddenly remembering the content of said “research”, screeches out, “NoOoOoO!” whilst comically tripping over himself as he races to stop Zack from opening his laptop.

Zack, being Zack, laughs good-naturedly at Cloud’s behavior and says, “What, don’t want your bestie to see all your fReAkY sHiT LOL?”

Before Cloud can stop him, Zack unlocks the laptop (he knows the password, because, hello, besties) and proceeds to open up about ten tabs of LOUD GAY LEMONY YOU KNOW WHAT (all with actors that are blond and black-haired, hmm s u s p i c i o u s).

Cloud is fucking mortified and literally RUNS out of his own apartment and disappears (disintegrates) into the void while leaving Zack sitting there like a stunned D U M B A S S *insert shocked Pikachu meme here* Hilarity, fluffy romance, and “LeMoNs” ensue.

Main ship and only ship will be Clack/Zakkura. Syrupy sweet, comical, with only a pinch of plot-related angst. Will most likely be a one-shot/two-shot.

Vampire Slayer AU

Set in a world where Shinra keeps the existence of vampires and vampire covens a well-guarded secret from the general public of Midgar in order to keep its citizens calm, orderly, and manageable (see controllable).

Due to the frequency of recent vampire attacks in Midgar’s slums and outlying towns and villages, they charge their best slayer, Cloud Strife, and his partner with the task of finding and killing the progenitor of all vampire-kind in order to end the covert war between humans and vampires and kill off their kind, for good.

That is, until Cloud is double-crossed by his partner, who wants the title of Shinra’s best vampire slayer for himself, and Cloud is left for dead in a forest miles away from civilization. Cloud thinks he’s finally done for this time, until he’s saved by a half-vampire named Vincent, who then proceeds to take Cloud to his maker, Sephiroth, the son of the first progenitor.

Cloud’s only shot at making it out of this alive is playing at Sephiroth’s personal interest in him in a game of cat and mouse until he can get the vampire to trust him enough to let him get close to the progenitor in order to (finally) end the war once and for all and return to his former life.

Main ships are Sefikura with a possibility of some Strifentine. Side ships are Aerti, Scarlet x Elena, and a bunch of others. Angsty, passionate, romantic, and dark. Will probably be a six-shot or more. Who knows?

Life After Meteorfall Canon Divergence AU (I’m excited about this one)

An AU in which both Angeal, Zack, and Aerith (although, just barely) live and help kick Sephiroth’s ass in the final battle. Sephiroth has been defeated by the gang for good (no really, for good y’all), and now the world has turned to healing, mourning, and attempting to rebuild itself after the scars Sephiroth has left behind in his monstrous wake.

Cloud still has lingering feelings for Zack leftover from his time as an infantryman, but desperately hides this fact from both Aerith and Zack because he knows how long they’ve waited and how much suffering they’ve had to endure in order to be with each other. He also cares deeply for both of them and wants them to be happy, despite his own conflicting emotions.

Although Aerith is (slightly) suspicious, Zack is oblivious to it all because he’s finally got the girl of his dreams and has his love-addled goggles on (god dammit Zackary) and asks Cloud to be his best man at their wedding (ugh angst me upppppp baby).

Angeal, however, is not oblivious to it in the slightest. He sees the overly forced smiles, the longing stares, the glances of complete and utter h e a r t b r e a k Cloud shoots Zack when he thinks no one is watching/paying attention to him. And finally, fed up after months of sitting back and just silently observing Cloud falling into emotional ruin, Angeal finally intends to do something about it, honor be damned.

Main ship is Cloudgeal. Side pairings are Zerith, Rude x Tifa (don’t judge me, y’all, I ship SO MUCH this fandom), and possibly many more. Angsty, fluffy, romantic, and with a ridiculously happy ending where everyone reaches a happy, healthy understanding. Will most likely be either a three-shot or a six-shot.

Omegaverse SOLDIER AU (let me liveeeeeee, dammit!)

After failing to get into SOLDIER three times in a row (the max amount of times one can attempt in their lifetime) and having his childhood dream of becoming a hero shattered like glass, Cloud, a Beta cadet, is more than done with SOLDIER and everything to do with the corrupt Shinra Corporation (Uh huh. Suuuuure).

This opinion is only further solidified when Cloud discovers the tragic fate of his hometown: Nibelheim, in an “unprecedented” explosion of its Mako Reactor, burns to the ground, resulting in the deaths of Cloud’s mother and every single person Cloud grew up with. With no home to return to, Cloud, following his best friend Zack Fair’s advice, begrudgingly decides to join the Shinra military as an infantryman and work as a menial grunt for the military’s more prominent SOLDIER members.

That is, until one day during a mission Cloud’s entire unit, including a group of skilled Third and Second Class SOLDIERS assisting them, are slaughtered in a brutal, bloody conflict, leaving Cloud the only one left alive after the mission’s end.

This not only catches the eye of the Director of SOLDIER himself, but several of its First Class members, who are so impressed with the Beta’s strength that they wish to assess Cloud’s capabilities for themselves, personally. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

This leads Cloud down a path filled with convincing lies and hard truths as he discovers the reality of his origins, unveiling secrets about Shinra and his past that he could have gone a lifetime without knowing. He realizes the hard way that sometimes what you dream for, what you desperately wish for, isn’t always something you want in the long run.

Main ships are a tie between Sefikura and Clack/Zakkura (possibly Sephiroth/Cloud/Zack or maybe even a love triangle, ew). I also really wanna try writing out Strifesodos, but I’m leaning towards Banorashipping as a side ship in this cuz its cute and passionate.

A S T R O N G side ship in this is going to be Aerti (featuring Turk!Tifa and Full Cetra!Aerith), along with minor ships like Scarlet x Elena, Tseng x Rufus, and honestly who knows anymore, lol. This will most likely be the longest story on the list, I’m planning for at least ten+ chapters.

Also, not shaming it in any way, but just FYI for the people who are interested, there will be no pregnancy in this story. It’s just not my thing. <3

Again, all of these AU’s are subject to change, but I’d love to bounce ideas back and forth and see what certain shippers would like to see in the fandom. I’m really receptive to discussing fics in general, even if its an idea about one of your own stories you wanna talk about. :)

If you actually read all of that, THANK YOU KINDLY! <33333

#Sefikura #SephCloud #Clack #Zakkura #Cloudgeal #i'm seriously so angry about this tagging thing #WHY IS IT NOT WORKING #*SCREAMS*#IM JUST TRYNA LIVE DAMMIT #why did this post disappear #I THINKS ITS BECAUSE OF CERTAIN KEYWORDS #this is a travesty #I NEED ANSWERS #the text is wonky too #UGHHHHHH

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wardenari · 4 years

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Fic Writer Interview

I was tagged by @musetta3, @nug-juggler and @noire-pandora TY SO MUCH!!

Name: Warden Ari here and on AO3 and Discord

Fandoms: Dragon Age is all I write for but I love a ton of other things

Where you post: AO3 and Tumblr

Most Popular One-shot: “Late Night Raid” (AO3 Link) both by hits and kudos. Ari Cousland and Zevran hide in the pantry from Eamon and Teagun and sexy times happen.

Most Popular Multichap: “Love and Darkspawn” (FCousland/Zevran) by Kudos & Hits (AO3 Link) and “Don’t Know What You Got (Til It’s Gone)” (FCousland/Nathaniel Howe Modern AU) by # of Comments (AO3 Link)

Favorite story you’ve written so far: The Warden Arianna Series [AO3 Link (LOTS of pairings)|. It encompassed all three games and beyond. The stories all interweave with each other. By that I mean it’s not one takes place after another ends but more there is things occurring at the same time and sometimes you’ll see the same event from different perspectives as a result. It was a lot of fun.

Fic you were nervous to post: Two of them actually - first is “Anders’ Kat” (AO3 Link)(Anders/F!OC) because half of the romantic couple was a complete OC and so were her friends (as in they aren’t characters in any of the media, I completely made them up) so it was scary to put them out there and see if people liked them or just saw them as not interesting. This was before all the MGIT fics took over so seeing a true OC was rare and I knew in other fandoms they weren’t liked. But readers really liked her and OMG it made my heart soar. I have some great artwork coming from this fic soon and I cannot wait to share it.

The other story is my current one “Imperfect Timing” (AO3 Link) (Cullen/FCousland). I am nervous for two reasons 1) Many people have their idea of how Cullen should be and can get pretty nasty if you don’t portray him how they think you should and 2) it’s a rarepair. Usually if he’s paired with a Warden, it’s Amell. And yeah, I know I am “Queen of Rare Pairs” according to a mutual, but it’s still hard to put something out there and wonder if anyone will be interested.

How do you choose your titles: UGH that’s like the WORST part. Sometimes it’ll come to me (like Anders’ Kat was easy because the main F was named Kat) but othertimes I struggle. I still hate the name “Kirkwall Love Story” (AO3 Link) (Fenris/FHawke) that was supposed to be a placeholder but I couldn’t think of anything else.

Do you outline: No. I tried to a few times and... well the story took on it’s own life and I just recently looked back and my outline for Imperfect Timing and it’s not at all what the story I’m telling is.

Complete: 38 Fics, 26 one shots and 12 Long Fics

In progress: 2 Multi-Chapters (one of which has stalled so I may give it a rewrite to see if I can find the passion for it again), I also am working on a one shot as a gift for someone

Prompts?: I LOVE THEM! Seriously they really help especially when I’m stuck.

Upcoming work you’re most excited about: Not sure. I have a lot of ideas, but nothing I’ve written out

Worlds I would love to write for in the future: I’d love to do a MGIT fic where they go to earth as well

Tagging: @kemvee, @elveny, @kunstpause, @schoute, @curiousartemis, @fandomn00blr, @charlatron

#fic writer interview

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thearvariblues · 4 years

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The Bard And The Wolf - Chapter Seven

(AKA Geraskier in the Metal Band AU you didn’t know you needed)

AKA me desperately trying to catch up my Tumblr with what’s already been posted to AO3. ;)

The masterpost for this fic can be found HERE.

7 – You Stop This, Jaskier

All eyes turned to the door when Jaskier entered the rehearsal room, a big paper cup of coffee in one hand, a paper bag in the other.

“Fifteen minutes late with Starbucks,” Renfri smirked.

“I have two things to say to that, dear heart,” Jaskier said, taking a sip of his coffee. “First, I’m merely three minutes late. And second, I would never ever in my life set foot in a place as wretched as Starbucks, so don’t ever accuse me of something so horrible again!”

“Did you stop for a coffee or not, Jask?” Geralt chuckled.

“No. I stopped for something to eat. The coffee was an afterthought.”

He placed the cup on a little table next to the couch, sat down right next to Geralt and reached into the paper bag, pulling out a big sandwich which he immediately took a big bite of.

“Wow. Your night must have been really taxing,” Lambert laughed.

“Is Ciri around?” Jaskier mumbled.

“She’s walking Roach,” Geralt said.

“Good. In that case, my dears, I can tell you that my night was exquisite. I spent most of it in the middle of a very lovely, well… sandwich. Our fans really do get enthusiastic after a good show!” he grinned, but then he frowned. “Wait, who’s Roach?”

“What do you mean, who’s…” Renfri blinked. “Oh, of course, you haven’t met her yet. Roach is Geralt’s dog. Technically, she’s Roach number two.”

“Oh,” Jaskier said. “Right.”

“She’s a husky,” Eskel added.

“Of course she is. And… She’s coming here with Ciri?” he beamed.

“Yeah. In a few minutes,” Geralt nodded. “But don’t touch Roach. She doesn’t trust strangers. I adopted her a few months ago when Roach number one died. She wasn’t even one year old, but her life must have been really shitty before, so…”

“Poor little thing.”

“Yeah, she’s definitely not like Roach number one,” Renfri sighed. “That was such a sweet girl. This one is like a tornado.”

“But of course Geralt still adores her,” Eskel said.

“Yes. I seem to have a thing for totally unpredictable and crazy individuals,” Geralt smirked. “Jesus, Jask, are you seriously going to wolf down the whole thing? This must be the biggest sandwich mankind has ever seen. How does it even fit in your mouth?”

“Lots of practice.”

“Eating sandwiches?” Lambert said, cocking his eyebrow. “Or stuffing large things into your mouth?”

“The latter,” Jaskier grinned. “And stop giving me that look, Geralt. I’m hungry and I refuse to look like a starving bag of muscle like some of us do.”

“Some of us, Jaskier?” Geralt asked.

“Come on, I saw you getting dressed before the gig yesterday. I mean, yeah, big muscles, ripped body, it’s meant to be sexy, but it only means you should definitely eat more. A little layer of some nice, protective fat would do you good.”

“Don’t waste your breath,” Renfri muttered. “He keeps his body like that because Yennefer liked it.”

“I keep my body like that because I like it,” Geralt growled.

“Well, don’t mind me then,” Jaskier shrugged, getting another bite of his sandwich. “I just tend to like men who are strong and a little bit soft at the same time. Like Eskel here. But that’s just my problem. If you want to look like this, go on. Hey. Hey! That’s my sandwich!”

“You said I should eat more, didn’t you?” Geralt smirked, effortlessly wrestling Jaskier’s snack out of his hands.

“Yes, but I didn’t mean my sandwich, you ass!”

“Too bad,” Geralt said, biting into it. “Oh, this is delicious!”

“So glad you like it,” Jaskier muttered. “I’m hungry over here, you know?”

“Shut it. You already have that layer of nice, protective fat,” Geralt mumbled.

“Yeah, yeah. Didn’t use to, you know?” Jaskier sighed, grabbing his coffee. At least something to soothe his hunger. “I used to be really thin. Always hungry. Because Valdo always used to tell me Oh, Julian, look, those tight pants would look so nice on you, too bad you’re not a size smaller. Oh, Julian, sweetie, look a this guy’s thighs, they don’t even touch each other, isn’t that beautiful? Julian, is that a tiramisu? Yeah, it’s a fucking tiramisu, you ass, and I’ll have as much as I want. Ugh. Can’t believe I wasted two years of my life with that bitch.”

A complete silence fell in the rehearsal room and Jaskier suddenly saw everyone was staring at him with mouths agape.

“I’m sorry,” Lambert finally said, after a few long moments. “Did you say Valdo?”

“Mhmf,” Jaskier muttered, trying to hide his face behind his coffee cup.

“As in Valdo Marx?” Eskel specified.

“Might have,”Jaskier peeped.

“Are you telling us that you dated fucking Valdo Marx for two years?!” Renfri yelled. “And you starved yourself for him?!”

“We broke up three years ago!” Jaskier said, throwing his arms open and nearly knocking the sandwich out of Geralt’s hand. “I was an idiot, okay? I thought I was glad to have found him, thought no one would be ever able to love the real me, blah blah blah. Took me way too long to realize I was being a total idiot and break up with him. He’s hated me ever since and my mother’s yet to speak to me again.”

“Your mother?” Eskel frowned.

“She thought Valdo and I would get married, adopt a kid and I would become a perfect housewife for him,” Jaskier sighed.

“Wow. She doesn’t know you at all, does she?” Renfri chuckled.

“Not in the slightest, honey.”

Lambert shook his head.

“Honestly, I’m still trying to process that someone like you would spend two years fucking that insufferable prick. Valdo Marx. Fuck.”

“Could we maybe stop discussing Valdo fucking Marx?” Geralt grunted. “Has anyone read the reactions to the gig yet? Because I haven’t.”

“Yes. Thank you, my lovely white wolf. Absolutely. Let’s focus on the reviews, because I kind of haven’t had the time yet to...”

The door swung open and a large husky came barging in, heading straight for the couch.

“Roach! Stop!” Ciri yelled behind the dog.

Roach stopped in front of Geralt, sniffed at his sandwich, and then turned her head to Jaskier.

The bard, remembering that the dog didn’t like strangers, avoided her eyes and merely offered her his hand. The next thing he knew, he had a massive dog in his lap and a wet nose was enthusiastically sniffing at his face.

He yelped when a broad tongue licked his nose.

“What was it you said about her not liking strangers?”

“I’ve never seen her do anything like this before, I swear!” Geralt chuckled, taking a coffee cup from Jaskier’s hand so it wouldn’t spill. “Roach, get down. Bad girl.”

The dog gave a tiny, desperate whine.

“I said get down,” Geralt repeated.

Roach turned her body to Geralt, eyed his sandwich and whined again.

“What did we say about begging for food?”

She lowered her head and looked pleadingly at her owner.

“Oh, I love her already,” Jaskier laughed. “Will love her even more when she stops crushing my crotch. Hi, Ciri, by the way.”

“Hi, Jaskier,” the girl replied. “Sorry, dad. I didn’t think she would do that. Where did you get the sandwich?”

“Stole it. Shamelessly!” Jaskier huffed. “Geralt, your dog is heavy as hell, you know it?”

“Roach. Get. The fuck. Down.”

Another whine.

“Oh, dear,” Jaskier chuckled. “Well, can someone at least read me those reviews and make me happy before I die?”

“Don’t you have your own phone?” Geralt asked.

“I do. In my pocket. Underneath your dog.”

“Right. Ciri?”

The girl already had the phone in her hand.

“On it.”

“Good,” Jaskier muttered. “And give me back my coffee, Geralt, because if you decide to steal that too, my chances of survival will grow even lower than they are now!”

“You really are such a drama queen, Jask…

“The Bard and the Wolf? What the hell is that?” Geralt frowned after the third (very positive) fan review of their gig. He had already finished Jaskier’s sandwich, and even managed to get Roach down from Jaskier’s lap. That seemed to be a mistake, as the dog clearly decided to hate him for that – judging by the fact that she was currently sitting on the floor by Jaskier’s leg and tapping his hand with her paw every time he had the audacity to stop petting her. She was completely ignoring Geralt’s very existence.

“Oh, that’s a new hasthtag. My creation,” Renfri said. “I needed to tag a pic with you two, and I thought of this...”

“What, instead of The Witcher and the Witch?” Lambert asked.

“And what’s that?” Jaskier asked before he could think better of it.

He should have expected the answer, of course.

“The hashtag people used to use for Geralt and Yennefer,” Eskel explained. “It was her character. A witch.”

“Oh, good,” Jaskier muttered. “Shouldn’t it have been The Witcher and the Bard, then?”

“Doesn’t have the same ring to it,” Renfri shrugged. “Besides, Geralt’s more of a Wolf, really.”

“True,” Jaskier nodded. “But to be honest, I don’t think it’s gonna stick.”

“You’re probably right,” Renfri nodded. “I’ve seen it used like… four times. But everyone calls you The Bard.”

“Perfect,” Jaskier grinned. “What do you think, Roach, isn’t it perfect? No, no, no! Roach! My coffee!”

He shrieked as the dog suddenly turned and jumped back onto his lap, knocking the cup out of his hand.

“Oh, dear, even dogs adore him,” Lambert sighed. “How is that fair?”

“Geralt!” Jaskier yelled. “Geralt, would you help me instead of fucking laughing?!”

“So sorry, dear heart,” Geralt chuckled. “But I think Roach has found her new favorite human.”

“I’m really glad to hear that! Oh, Geralt, you’re so gonna pay for this shirt!”

A few hours later, Jaskier was sitting on the couch in his living room, sipping wine and scrolling and scrolling and scrolling through his social media.

He knew he shouldn’t. He knew that it was narcissistic and, well, stupid. But he had to see. Had to convince himself that it hadn’t only been his imagination that afternoon.

He had to convince himself that yes, Kaer Morhen’s fans really did like his mad, cheeky, queer self. There were even a few who claimed that he was an improvement on Yennefer. An improvement! It was a dream come true.

He forced himself to stop and he put his phone down. Took a sip. Picked his phone back up.

He couldn’t help himself.

He gulped when he saw that Ciri had posted a new photo from the rehearsal room. A photo of Jaskier and Geralt sitting on the couch, with Roach on Jaskier’s lap. It must have been shortly after Roach knocked the coffee out of Jaskier’s hand, because Geralt was clearly laughing and Jaskier was just starting to.

Roach meeting @jaskierthebard for the first time. In case you couldn’t tell, she really hates strangers... #thebardandthewolf #andawolf #loveatfirstsight #husky #dogsofinstagram

Jaskier smiled and liked the post, and then kept looking at the picture a little longer.

He really loved Geralt’s expression there. It was so open, so happy and so damn beautiful.

Jaskier sighed, forced himself to put the phone down and closed his eyes, but he couldn’t stop himself from seeing the white haired man’s face.

“Oh no, oh no, oh no,” he whispered to himself. “You stop this, Jaskier. You stop this right now, because if you don’t, you’ll only get in trouble.”

He could stop his thoughts, yes. But he couldn’t stop his heart from beating a little faster.

Geralt knocked on his daughter’s door.

“Ciri, it’s eleven already. Lights out.”

He waited, but she didn’t answer, so he opened the door carefully.

The girl was asleep on her bed, dressed in her pajamas, with her laptop next to her.

Geralt took the laptop and the screen lit up. He stopped and blinked. Ciri had a new wallpaper – of Geralt, Jaskier and Roach in the rehearsal room.

He looked at the picture and smiled. He really had never seen Roach fall for someone so fast, but here she was, sitting on the bard’s lap, happy as ever.

And Jaskier…

Geralt shut the laptop and shook his head to clear it.

No. He wasn’t going to go there. No way.

He placed the laptop on a table, covered Ciri with a blanket and kissed her forehead.

“Good night, honey,” he whispered to her. “Sweet dreams.”

He turned off the light and closed the door behind himself.

Continue witch Chapter Eight

#geraskier #jaskier x geralt #geralt x jaskier #the witcher #the witcher fanfiction #witcher fanfiction #the bard and the wolf #my fics

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spacegaywritings · 4 years

Text

Warming Paws and Melting Walls (3/8) “Making Adjustments”

General

Summary: Emile lets Remy take Virgil to work. Negotiations ensue.

Tags: Emile, Remy, cat virgil, mentions of kidnapping but no actual kidnapping, nervousness, cat treats, boxes, cute shit, snuggles, crushing on your boss, arguing with cats, remy is being salty all the time, swearing, bitch bitch remy, phone calls, mentions of work, ew social, Remy hates people but he is valid, loneliness, pining, subtle lovey lovey.

Virgil and Emile are referred to by they/them pronouns.

i do not think there is any to be applied. If you need me to add anything, please contact me here or on my tumblr (spacegayparty, spacegaywritings)

ao3: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 // all.

tumblr: 1 / 2 / 3 (you are here) / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8.

My KoFi - Support me ♥ or Commission me

Story under the cut // Word count: 4,4k

“No.. I can’t. You don’t get it, I cannot come for the life of me!”

Remy gripped the phone in his hand tighter. His knuckles turned white. Not once in his life had he even dreamed of a scenario of this sort. No nightmare could ever reach into the depth of his personal fears like this. He was enraged, somewhat nervous. One of his hands was on the couch scratch the smooth, cool surface.

Reality was much crueller than imagination could ever be. Real life wrote stories that nobody could come up with - history was the perfect piece of evidence. People fighting alligators and smuggling foxes or colour-coding genitals. Human society was so fucked up, people did not even realise it. The most unbelievable shit happened all the time.

Right now, it was happening to him. Despite this, he tried, he really tried to get this right.

“Remy, you can’t just tell me you are not coming and then not give me a reason. Is anything wrong? Do you need help?”

Emile’s voice dropped from a somewhat sharp and scolding sound into the usually concerned sound. That pal was just made to care about others, weren’t they?

Even now they were more supposed to get upset and threaten him, when they were just worried about him. Remy wanted to roll his eyes at the display of pure wholesomeness but he did not have it in him to tease them about this.

“Okay, listen here. I know that is a shit thing to do. You guys are not prepared to be without me but I got some kinda emergency here, honey. I can’t handle work right now, not with them around. Or not around - Sorry, boss.”

The man carefully brushed over the kitten in his lap, the shivering little thing meowing pitifully. They were wailing out the feelings Remy gritted into his teeth.

“Alright, alright- wait. Wait a minute right there. What do you mean? Is anyone holding you against your will? Remy, I am concerned about you.”

Remy blinked for a moment at how much the whole conversation as much as Emile’s reactions to his words were a fucked over roller coaster that went back and forth and off-track periodically but irregularly so. It was unpredictable and honestly so draining. But understandably, the pal had some worries for their employees, especially Remy since he got into big piles of sick days due to his chronic migraines and physical issues. Still, it was a little absurd to expect him to be kidnapped. He was way to sassy to stay put.

“Uh, I mean, I would like to go to work but staying at home always sounds nicer than, like, being productive. Sounds like a big nappy time to me, if you are asking me, honey.”

Right after saying that, Remy realised that he was still sort of talking to his boss and probably should choose his words with at least a BIT more care, as of this moment. Emile was nice but they were not some dumb idiot who would let Remy do whatever with them.

“Uh, okay. Let me explain, honey. I picked up this cat and I don’t know, like, whose it is and I put up those papers and put ads on PhotoAlbum in several groups (it was a lot of work, sweetie. Would not recommend. Totally busted my weekend! So rude.). I also posted to some page that deals with missing animals of this area and all that kinda shit. I still got, like, a sweet nothing and the cat is really sad and they won’t let me go out. I am - I don’t want to leave the cat alone. You know, Virgil might all up and fuck over my flat and I have nobody to babysit them - catsit them? Whatever.”

Silence engulfed their phone call for a moment.

Remy was met with nothing but more little mewls which he quickly stilled by brushing further over their soft fur. Were cats supposed to have more dense fur than this? It felt a little thin, especially for winter coming up. Was that a black cat thing? The vet had not mentioned anything about that. Just to give the cat a stable and proper diet at, like, a scheduled time because stability. Which made sense and all but... Ugh, maybe he had to go there again or ask the internet or just get a book.

Emile cleared his throat after a while.

The doctor really did know how to get some attention. For some unknown reason, it felt like one of the hottest things to Remy how the man could just draw the attention back to him with the most subtle gestures on this fucking planet. They were still considered to be nice and soft and all that kinda fun stuff when they were actually not just sweet and adorable. Emile could be serious and it was almost frightening to know them in control.

"Remy, if neither you nor your cat - "

"Virgil. Their name is Virgil."

"Alright. If you are healthy and so is Virgil, I don't think I can excuse you at work. As much as I would like to, you are our one and only receptionist."

Remy's heart fell and he let out an audible sigh. It felt like pushing bricks through his windpipe when he could have breathed regular oxygen.

Whether his employer was hot or not, he couldn't just treat them like a friend or talk to them like some guy he wanted to hook up with. Okay, he kinda did but he tried to not listen to those thoughts. For once in a lifetime, Remy actually felt somewhat bad talking to Emile. He wanted to tell them off and never like his boss again. His chest was a fierce burning and he wanted them to regret being inconsiderate of the little kitten.

Didn’t they know Virgil was an abandoned stray? They were confused and all alone in the middle of winter in a big, heartless city!

"I appreciate your honesty, still. But Remy, listen. If your cat is new and you are scared of leaving him -"

"They. Virgil gets they /hem pronouns because they are a special person and deserved not to be misgendered."

"Alright. If you don't want them to be home alone, how about we make work a little more home for hi- them."

Remy pressed his lips into a thin line. For a moment, he hummed in deliberation.

"What do you mean?"

Virgil meowed on his chest and patted the phone in interested. Remy was sure they wanted to play. Emile received a little thud on their end.

"We keep your door closed and a little darker and hang up signs for people to try and be quiet so they can sleep. Cats sleep almost all day. Much more than we need."

The receptionist nodded but realised that Emile could probably not see that.

"Sounds okay."

Emile let out a hum.

"You would really do that? I'll get ready and come over with them."

His boss let out a laugh. Remy's queer heart was blooming in delight. Maybe they were not bad. They just had obligations too and these needed to be fulfilled. Other than Remy, Emile was running a business and needed his employees. Remy only had a void on his lap and softness in his heart.

Of course! Why didn't Remy think about that. Any kind of doctor needed to take an oath, swearing to protect all life. Emile had to prioritise their clients.

The cat meowed and Emile giggled again.

"Hello Virgil! See you later, I hope"

Remy's heart was beating so fast, he nearly swooned loud enough for Emile to hear him. His eyes closed and the sugar-sweet smile on his face refused to leave. Instead, it revelled on his lips for another few moments.

"I'll pack up and see you in a few."

Emile smiled, unbeknownst to Remy.

“Can’t wait to see you at work, Remy.”

Upon arrival, Virgil ducked away and cuddled up to Remy's chest. They were snuggled up under his jacket which they shared with Remy. Such a humble gesture. Whenever the cat heard a sound, they cuddled closer and flinched away from any source of sound other than Remy.

His footsteps? All okay.

Someone coughing? Fucking illegal.

Remy was more than happy to know he brought about as much food and little things for Virgil to ease up and calm down. It should ease them up. But he couldn't change the smell and make it more comfortable for the cat to relax faster instead of hiding away a lot.

It was still a wonder to him that Virgil was so trustworthy with him but then again, they all assumed they had been socialised before. But he didn't find a single person claiming to own the little void. Not yet, at least.

The man walked over to his little "office" only to be stopped from stepping inside.

A sign, as promised. But that one wasn't for the others to be quiet. It was for him to move into the bigger office.

“Reception moved to the main office.”

.. The main office was much bigger and Remy didn't know how Emile made it a usable working space for him and at the same time an adequate living space for Virgil but he would give it a try. If not, he would need to get some student to catsit his baby for a few hours every day. It wasn't like he desperately needed these bucks, anyway. It was okay. And he was willing and happy to spend it on his Virgil when they needed it more. He himself was glad, already. He had books and nice things but Virgil had nobody and had yet to be picked up by their original home.

A happy void was a good void and he wanted his void to be their best at all times. At least for the time being.

Virgil meowed and pawed at Remy. There was hesitation in their movement and after that, they stayed quiet as if to wait for their friend to reply to their request. The man just gently hushed the kitten by stroking over their black fur and humming a bit, quietly so.

The surroundings were so white, so new and it smelled of stingy disinfectant sprays and other things. One of the walls was pastel pink. It was not just cold but also warm but not warm like Remy was warm. Or Virgil, for that matter. He was just glad to wear his sunglasses loyally.

Virgil curled further into the black jacket.

“It’s okay, Queen, you will be fine”, he promised.

He made it to the office. The only time he had been in this place was when he had applied for this position not too long ago. A few years, maybe. This was Emile’s personal office. He was standing in his office and his things were in here. Emile usually did not have too many things around but the pictures and the pastel walls were giving off a warm vibe. Again, it was not the Remy-kind of warmth but it was warm nonetheless and it made him feel funny things he could not quite place.

Sometimes he forgot there was more than his own working space. That, and the fact that Emile had his own practice close to his home. He had probably been here early and had used the time to move furniture and accommodate Remy.

Literally, what kind of employer would ever do this?

This office was innocent and playful like going to the kindergarten or being on a swing. It was simple and natural. Natural despite pastels being a little less naturally occurring, especially in a city like the one they were living in. Still, it was a soft colour and had some sort of soothing effect on him.

Remy carefully nudged the door close behind him and brought Virgil over to the table where he was supposed to sit and work. The desk was larger and the wood looked like oak, perhaps. He was not the type of guy to know much about things. He just liked books and partying. He was a simple soul.

But his boss? He seemed to mind. Emile must haven taken time to invest in a certain vibe this office would convey. Maybe it was a psychology thing It calmed him down for sure.

Now, while the walls and pictures screamed Emile, they also hummed Remy’s tone. His desk was filled with little pictures and decorations he had brought to make himself more at home.

That was about the only delight he could relish in, working as an assistant or secretary or however people wanted to call his profession. Whatever, he was just there to welcome clients and give them some treatment plans he had printed according to Emile’s orders. Sometimes he would make appointments with people and negotiate about finances and payment plans. He checked prescriptions and other things, too. He mostly took care of all the social interactions beside the actual treatment Emile gave.

Yeah, Emile had it all figured out and believe it or not, Remy was actually great at keeping some order together and be somewhat effective with people. He kept track of every person and their schedules. He just knew which days to propose and which days, dates and times were impossible due to things such as soccer practice for the kids or school or religious rituals and family traditions.

Say whatever you want, Remy was good enough at his job to keep it yet still flip off enough people.

However, now he needed to settle down and enjoy the new space.

Or, well, absolutely hate how much it smelled of Emile and how it felt warm like them and their sweaters. Having the hots for his boss or uh, higher-up, was definitely the best thing to ever happen to him. Maybe not the best but it was entertaining to say the least. Virgil, on the other hand, was quite..quiet.

The smol kitten was put onto the desk with care. Remy was handling a precious piece of creature right there after all. He watched them for a moment, the cat just crouching down and looking at him with wide, heterochromatic eyes.

Right into his heart and soul.

“I love you too, royal stray. Now let me work before I get fired, Queen of salt”, Remy offered and let his bag down.

He made some space, turned on the computer and gently nudged the cat. Virgil refused to budge and stayed put in front of the keyboard.

“Kitten, I gotta work. Wanna sit on my lap? You can cuddle with me while I work.”

Remy looked at them but there was no answer. Were cats the clever ones? Or was this dogs?

Well, whatever, it’s not like Virgil would just suddenly all up and speak actual words. This was not a magical place after all, it was just a boring office.

Or a warm office, actually. Not that it really mattered. (It did, to him.)

“Caaat, come on, I need to work.”

Remy put his arms around Virgil to at least type his log-in data into the computer and get his whole shit set up and finally started. After some time, he could start receiving calls and schedule things again. It was bad enough he was so late. He probably had a ton of emails to check about how some people needed to reschedule something or needed an extra appointment, maybe even an emergency one.

People, right?

Nothing was ever right with people, it was inconsistent. Apparently, cats were not really as consistent either.

Maybe living things just sucked and Remy did not know how to deal with that.

The black blob of fur was still unmoving and even with the arms awkwardly surrounding them, they would not take any more action than purring.

Purring. Fucking purring.

“Virgil, come on. Quit your bullshit and move, you are not supposed to be comfortable in my working space.”

“Meow”

“Yeah, meow you too, little bitch.”

Remy rolled his eyes, looking for his brain so he could interrogate why the fuck he was actually arguing with a cat. Like talking to his brain was actually more sensible than discussing things with a cat and somewhat expecting a rational answer.

“Okay, Queen, how about that: We can find you a box. You like boxes and I should have a box here - for paper. I swear, I will go totally feral if they threw this away. Anyway, I will just take away the paper and you can get all comfortable in the box, just like at my place.”

Virgil looked at him, purring and vibrating in interest. The sparkling eyes fixed on the man and Remy nodded. The void seemed to be pleased by this suggestion. Remy was allowed to breathe around the feral beast for a little longer. Great.

The secretariat let himself drop into his swivel chair and he quickly rolled over to the printer and took the stash of printing paper out for the sake of making space for his kitty friend. Damn yes, he was glad Emile had not thrown this away. He would have trusted them to do such things.

“Oh Virgil~”, he purred out in a voice akin to songs more than simple words, “come here, kitty kitty.”

The kitten looked over, tail swishing around for a moment. They looked as if they were ready to get up and maybe even cooperate for a second. What a day of fucking miracles.

Remy experimentally patted the box and Virgil slowly moved over, purring still and with passion It sounded like the whole room was driven by the engine that was nothing but Virgil’s curious sounds. They were unique and even if Remy was sighing in exasperation at how much time the cat took to INSPECT AN EMPTY BOX OF CARDBOARD, he was smiling.

Eventually, Virgil was done sniffing and patting the box with paws and nose. They actually stepped into the small space and settled into the space like cat pudding.

Wasn’t there some stupid shit of cats being liquid? He did not remember it quite well but he was sure there was something like that.

“There you go, little void. I got a treat for you, you are doing so well.”

He quickly pulled a little snack out of his bag and handed it to his kitten who took it immediately.

Virgil’s nose was twitching for a moment and their little teeth crunched on the small treat as if this was the most festive and fancy meal they would ever receive. Those teeth looked like straight out of some vampire novel.

But was that shit really so tasty for cats?

..He kinda wanted to try that but he was human and he would probably hate that shit. He also kinda felt odd about the idea of eating Virgil’s food. He had his own food, seriously. He had such dummy thicc ideas sometimes.

“You are the best little void”, Remy cooed and softly bonked their heads together.

Virgil’s insistent purring gradually seeped into the human. Closing his eyes, Remy just stayed in place and brushed his hand through the little kitten’s charcoal fur for a little while longer. It was warm. Warm like hugs were warm and drinking hot chocolate or similar drinks that made him feel fuzzy and sleepy.

Maybe he met the kitty cat in winter, so he would be warmer and not the cat themself.

“You two sure look comfortable!~”

Remy ripped himself away from the dark kitten, his head whipping around so quickly, he could hear it giving off the sound of something breaking. Oops, neck. Sorry, not sorry. His reaction was so quick and violent, someone might have thought he was a teenager whose parents walked in on him pleasing himself. As expected (yet somewhat at the same time, not really), the boss themself was standing there and looking at Remy and Virgil cuddling. Emile chuckled but apologised at the scare they had driven into the others.

The coffee-lover could do no more but raise an eloquent eyebrow instead of stuttering up some weak apology. He was not about that kind of speech anyway. Too much work. Instead, he was the type of person to, well, arch an eyebrow at his boss.

Virgil’s colourful eyes were focused on the intruder. They stared into Emile’s soul.

“Virgil is doing okay”, he replied as he pulled up his work email account and scheduling programme to put the things together.

Oh dear coffee bean, he still needed to check voice mail for all the info he had missed. Emile pressed their lips into a thin line for a moment before letting them pop back out.

“You know, you can tell me these things first things in the morning instead of not coming and sending me ominous texts. I am more than inclined to helping you when I know that you are in need of certain accommodations.”

Remy nodded but kept his eyes on the screen. For a brief moment, the man glanced over at his boss and clicked his tongue. He acknowledged them for just long enough to be somewhat polite.

“Thanks.”

He shrugged and Virgil meowed…in agreement?

“Aw your kitten is so cute! Where did you get them again?”

The doctor came into the office and slowly approached the kitten. Their back arched a bit, making them smaller. Virgil shrunk away from them and their ears changed position.

Remy gingerly grabbed the little box of void and pulled them closer in. The kitten’s eyes widened and their body tensed, seemingly jumping into a position to pounce onto the intruder or flee within the blink of an eye. If need be, they were prepared.

The man gently eased the kitten with small movements. He brushed the fur down until the void was in a more regular position but their small muscle strands were still obviously tensed up under his displays of affection.

“They are shy. I found them around the trash in a side alley on my way home”, he explained curtly as he gently consoled the kitten who settled into the box once more.

Safe box, good box.

Best little void.

Remy was so proud of them for relaxing and trusting him. The flee stance was away and the cat did not look like they were a small kindergarten kid some big adult suddenly started yelling at for apparently no understandable reason. The kitten was doing well.

“It’s okay, little Queen, bad Em will bow to your wishes, little darling.”

Emile straightened their posture and smiled at the two before them, waving.

Could they do anything better than wave? They felt like an outsider watching an intimacy they would never be a part of. Like a child watching the perfect family from the other side of the window.

It was so warm and so far away. The own world was so cool.

Yet it was another kind of warm. Not smiles and soft words warm, it was more than reassurance and paid trust. There was a whole relationship in this warmth. It had established within just a few days. The time span was so strikingly short, the individual was genuinely shocked to have missed so much of Remy’s life in just a moment.

Emile pressed their lips together again and sighed.

“I just wanted to let you know that you can have the office if that helps. I will stack cat food and toys for the kitten, if you want to. I hope that helps you accommodate. But I need you to help me plan the refurbishment of your old office, then. Got any time during lunch break?”

Remy shrugged.

“I mean, if I do not have to catch up on anything else, sure. I cannot go out with Virgil. This is too much for them.”

He glanced at them and gently pulled the kitten-box closer to his stomach.

“You okay there?”

Virgil meowed and was rewarded yet another pat on the head. The cat pushed against the gentle hand, eyes squeezed shut. Remy looked at them instead of his boss.

“Okay, good. Now let me work, you demanding little bitch. I got your business to handle and finances to take care of.”

The cat slowly blinked at him and he chuckled. Emile cleared his throat.

“Good then. I’ll leave you to it.”

“Yeah whatever”, he cooed before he redirected his attention to the screen before him where he started scanning the first emails with plan changes. His right put down the notes of it with little abbreviations. Mrs. Shuster was probably running late again. He really needed to have a talk about this with Emile.

Talking about this, the pal was still standing there, abandoned eyes on the unattending Remy. He was patting Virgil with one hand and started clicking and reading at incredibly fast speed with his other hand.

Emile did not notice they were staring, standing still as they were captivated by the simple scene before them. When Remy’s cool eyes, shaded by sunglasses, suddenly looked at them, they realised they had yet to leave.

“Anyway, I gotta get this stuff done. Need anything else?”

His boss shook their head with a smile softer than butter in the sun.

“I will leave you two to it. See you later, Remy, Virgil.”

They nodded their head at each name and looked at the two. The void was basically invisible under the desk and in Remy’s lap.

Just safe and protected as the needed it.

Emile left, swallowing the odd tightness in their throat.

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wiseabsol · 4 years

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WA Reviews “Dominion” by Aurelia le, Chapter 13: A Start

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6383825/13/Dominion

Summary: For the Fire Nation royal siblings, love has always warred with hate. But neither the outward accomplishment of peace nor Azula’s defeat have brought the respite Zuko expected. Will his sister’s plans answer this, or only destroy them both?

Content Warnings: This story contains discussions and depictions of child abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, and incest. This story also explores the idea that Zuko’s redemption arc (and his unlearning of abuse) is not as complete as the show suggested, and that Azula is not a sociopath (with the story having a lot of sympathy for her). If that doesn’t sound like your cup of tea, I would strongly recommend steering clear of this story and my reviews of it.

Note: Because these were originally posted as chapter reviews/commentaries, I will often be talking to the author in them (though sometimes I will also snarkily address the characters). While I’ve also tried not to spoil later events in the story in these reviews, I would strongly recommend reading through chapter 28 before reading these, just to be safe.

Now on to chapter 13!

CHAPTER 13: A START

Alright, on to chapter thirteen. Before I begin, since there have been some people in the comments expressing interest in my full reviews, they can be found at: wiseabsol (dot) tumblr (dot) com (slash) tagged (slash) dominion (percent sign) 20by (percent sign) 20aurelia (percent sign) 20le. I might also run the idea of setting up a forum for “Dominion” by Aurelia. That way, you all would have someplace to read my reviews on this website, as well as discuss the story with each other outside of the reviews section.

On to the review. Zuko has slept past sunrise, which may be an indication of how bad a shape he’s in, since firebenders are supposed to rise with the sun (Azula, note, still rose with the sun while hospitalized). But he managed to sleep the night through without nightmares, which is progress for him. Turns out he’s achieved that by drinking a sedating tea left by Iroh.

“The old man had even gone do far as to pretend Mai told him, to try to get Zuko to talk. It was the kind of thing Azula would do.”—Iroh and Azula are both cunning, strategic thinkers, which may be part of why she makes Iroh uncomfortable. She probably reminds him of himself when he was younger. If she’d been a boy, it’s possible that he might have tried to take Azula under his wing…but given that she was a girl, and thus had gender roles that she was supposed to conform to (hence him giving her a doll), he didn’t. That and Ozai snapped her up quickly, with Iroh soon afterwards writing her off as Ozai’s “creature.” But I wouldn’t be surprised if we later find out that part of why Iroh considered her so dangerous was because she reminded him of his younger self, rather than Ozai.

Apparently Zuko blew up at Iroh for the deception, and said some things he shouldn’t have. Old habits die hard.

“What his uncle couldn’t know was that there was no help for what he did.”—Yeah, sleeping with your sister is not something you can take back.

Zuko has some manservants in the room with him, who offer him fruit, foot washing, and hot towels, which he doesn’t accept. What even is the point of being royalty if you can’t enjoy some nice things, Zuko? Though you probably don’t think you deserve nice things. As the manservants go about getting him ready, Zuko has this pleasant memory of Mai: “Mai used to put his hair up for him, when she woke at the same time as Zuko. She wasn’t much good with hair, in truth, but that hardly mattered. More often than not, it was just thinly veiled foreplay”—So they were a genuinely sweet couple at one point.

But then it’s time to go to Squicktown: “But when he tried to recall those mornings now, it was his sister’s slim fingers that raked through his hair, her mouth that he tasted, the warmth of her skin—“—That’s gross, buddy. While we could chalk this up to being a sign of his continued obsession with Azula, it could also be a sign of trauma. Good memories triggering associations that trigger bad memories. If he was wanking off to the memory of Azula, then I’d say it was an obsession thing. As it is, it’s causing him distress, so trauma seems more likely.

“A memory made all the more painful by having to wonder how much of that Azula did at their father’s command, those years he abused her under the guise of training….”—Sadly, I think Ozai does believe it was training. Though this is also the dude who believes that suffering is instructive.

“With such dark thoughts as he had for company, he barely noticed the comings and goings of the palace staff anymore.”—Losing your situational awareness is not good, Zuko. Especially when you know there are people who aren’t happy with your reign.

“Uncle thought it started shortly after Zuko was banished. She would have been eleven.”—Ugh. That is vile. Though I suspect that Ozai was grooming her before then.

Ozai is dying from his burns. While I’m inclined to say “Good riddance,” if he dies, it means that Zuko will have committed patricide, which will cause a public outcry and earn him more enemies. Also, Azula will never forgive him for it.

“The man lived to plague him, he knew.”—Ozai is absolutely that spiteful.

“He remembered asking Iroh if his banishment might have been planned. If his father might have sent him away just to do that to Azula, to remove the last family member she might have turned to for defense, the last witness to his crimes. He remembered the look his uncle gave him then, when he said they may never know.”—I think it’s probable that Ozai was looking for an excuse to get rid of Zuko, just like he did with Mai and Ty Lee. He wanted to isolate Azula, but he also wanted to get Zuko out of the picture so he could make Azula first in line for the throne.

That being said, I don’t think Ozai believed that Azula would turn to Zuko for help. The siblings were already poisoned against each other back then. I think the look Iroh gave Zuko wasn’t because he knew the answer to the question—it was because he knew that it wouldn’t have mattered whether Zuko was there or not. Ozai would have done this to Azula anyway, and given how careful they were to hide it, I don’t think Zuko would have noticed that something was wrong until the abortion. I doubt that Iroh would have noticed either, since he was so focused on Zuko. While the idea of, “If I was there, I could have done something!” is a comforting one, it’s also naïve on Zuko’s part. He was a child then, too. And given Zuko’s disposition at that age—to confront evil head on, without thinking through the potential consequences—he probably would have ended up in a much worse position than he did in canon. He would have been a security risk to Ozai—a security risk that can’t lie well. No, I think Zuko being there would have resulted in disaster. Iroh, on the other hand, might have been able to figure out a quiet solution. But he wasn’t there, and so the possibility passed.

Iroh, in any case, left after receiving a letter from Rai, without telling Zuko the contents of said letter. Iroh says this is so Zuko can have plausible deniability, but because Zuko is in bad mental shape, he’s slipping into some paranoia about it—paranoia rather like Azula’s at the end of the series. He’s unkempt, he can’t sleep, he is wracked with self-hatred and guilt (Azula was, too, though her mind expressed it through Ursa’s hallucination). If he starts banishing people, it will probably start rumors that madness runs in the family.

“He wondered if his uncle began to mistrust him around Azula. If he knew what you did, he would never trust you with her again, he reminded himself.”—Which would be fair of him, Zuko. But Iroh is too convinced of your goodness to suspect that you would hurt her intentionally. He was ready to handwave away you killing her as an act of self-defense.

“And Mai would not receive the old general at her parents’ house, sparking rumors she had left the palace to avoid him, rather than her husband.”—I think because Mai knows that Iroh will side with Zuko in a conflict, and that’s not something that she wants to deal with right now. I do not blame her.

Zuko continues to contemplate Iroh’s visit, sliding into self-pity as he thinks of how tired Iroh must be getting of him: “[Iroh] was probably just as relieved to go as Zuko was to see him away….”

“‘It isn’t fair,’ [ . . . ] That one mistake with Azula should poison the only healthy, loving relationship he had with any blood relative. It wasn’t fair.”—Zuko thinks this, but he’s the one who is pushing Iroh away. I think he could have told Iroh a portion of the truth—that he and Azula argued, that he got angry and intentionally hurt her, and that he feels horrible about it now. I think that would shake Iroh’s faith in Zuko, but I think he would still be supportive, and would understand, finally, that Zuko still has lingering behavioral problems from Ozai’s abuse that need to be worked through. It might have opened up some routes to healing faster…though I daresay that Mai wouldn’t have been pleased with Zuko giving his uncle a sanitized version of the truth.

Zuko’s chamberlain comes in, with a list of what sounds like some very important meetings that Zuko should go to, but Zuko has other plans for his day. He’ll still keep the meeting with the “Advisory Board for the Reformation of Asylums,” which Zuko created sometime in the last few weeks. For now, though, Zuko is going to see Mai and Lu Ten.

We transition to Iroh meeting with Rai. Apparently, Iroh recruited her after her banishment from the Fire Nation. Rai catches Iroh up on how her time with Azula went, but feels that she could have done more for Azula. Iroh interrupts her by placing a hand on her knee—weird choice there, Iroh—and says that it was for the best that she didn’t reveal that she knew who Azula was, because, “‘She might even have killed you.’”

Rai, though, has more faith in Azula than Iroh does: “‘No.’ The cook shook her head, surprising Iroh. ‘She makes threats when she’s under duress. And she certainly knows how to sell them [ . . . ] But she never struck me as particularly bloodthirsty, either then or now. She would avoid unnecessary violence, if only to keep a low profile.’”—Thank you, Rai!

Rai, bless her, also dismisses Iroh’s question of whether the wounds could have been self-inflicted. I see why he would ask this, given the self-harm Azula committed in the asylum, but it does make it clear that he hasn’t seen her any time recently, after she started getting better. He then wonders if maybe the asylum had been mistreating her and covered up the signs, since his visits were announced in advance and he only ever saw her from a distance.

Then he wonders if Zuko was the one who injured Azula—ding, ding, Iroh, you are correct! “It would go a long way toward explaining his obvious guilt, and Zuko had always been given to emotional excesses.”—No kidding. In regards to the burn, he thinks, “He could not see what purpose it had served, except to hurt her…”—CORRECT AGAIN!

Rai, meanwhile, wonders about Azula being sent to the asylum. She thought that Azula might have been jailed or banished by Zuko instead. This ticks Iroh off: “Her brother showed her compassion,” he insists, but Rai is not convinced, since the workers at the asylum might have hurt Azula. When she expresses that, Iroh responds hotly, “‘He knew naught of this, woman,’” and breathes out flames. I’m not fond of him calling her “woman” here, because when men do that, it’s often meant to be dismissive or demeaning. The show of flames is also not cool of him. Control yourself, Iroh.

Rai isn’t impressed by him and plans to leave, but Iroh has more questions. He asks what happened to the man who assaulted Azula, and Rai responds: ��‘Dead,’ Rai told the woodplank floor, her voice barely breaking a whisper when she crossed white arms under her ample bust.”—Why are you noticing the size of her breasts, Iroh? But also, this does seem hard for Rai to talk about.

Iroh assumes Azula killed the guy, but Rai corrects him, telling him that she did it herself. “The woman raised her eyes to his, and Iroh was reminded uncannily of his missing sister-in-law.” Oh, I hope that Ursa kills Ozai. I feel like it’s improbable that that will happen, but I want it. Also, the phrase “silk hiding steel” comes to mind here, both for Rai and Ursa.

Rai discusses her reasons for killing Lee—both to give Azula a measure of protection and for justice—and how her own husband, Shou, abused her. “If she had been abused, of course this cook would look coldly on what she likely viewed as excuses for the abuse of Azula. Her own husband probably made her parrot lines like that, that it was an accident, she did it to herself….”—As much as I obviously empathize with Azula, I should point out that there is, theoretically, some danger in Rai doing the same. If Azula had continued to behave abusively towards others, Rai’s empathy for Azula’s suffering might have made her inclined to excuse Azula’s actions, much like Iroh currently does for Zuko. And if she’s excusing those actions, then she might have been caught off guard and hurt by Azula during their time together.

That being said, in this case, Rai’s empathy is refreshing, and also lends itself to a more accurate reading of Azula’s character than Iroh has. Iroh, very confused by this point, asks Rai why she would go to such lengths to help his niece. As it turns out, Rai worked in the kitchens at the palace, while her husband was an imperial firebender. She couldn’t accuse him of abuse or get away from him, but when Azula started banishing people, Rai was banished before he was—and so she managed to escape and stay ahead of him all of this time.

“‘Rai,’ he said quietly, a little concerned for her sanity at this point, ‘you must know she didn’t mean to help you. She banished her servants because she was crazy, not out if any altruistic urge.’”—It rubs me the wrong way that Iroh thinks that Rai might be crazy. There’s a part of me that wants to throw at him, “You only think that because you’ve never known what it’s like to be helpless,” but I know that’s not true. It’s not like Azulon was compassionate to Iroh or cared about his emotional needs, and losing Lu Ten would definitely have made Iroh feel helpless. Still, this grates on me, possibly because Iroh is a very privileged man and hasn’t faced the same hardships as Rai. I feel like Ursa would understand Rai, though. I don’t know if they would get along—somehow, I doubt it, since Rai has faith in Azula and Ursa does not—but I’d love to see a conversation between them someday.

Much to Iroh’s discomfort, Rai talks about how the palace staff knew that Ozai was mistreating Azula, and hints that there were rumors about the sexual abuse, too: “Those years Prince Zuko was banished, her father kept her so close [ . . . ] She turned up all manner of strange injuries [ . . . ] and even disappeared for a week once. There were some as said he killed her. And those were the least of the rumors. [ . . . ] There was something…wrong there. [ . . . ] Everyone knew it. And no one did anything. [ . . . ] Not even me.”

When Iroh points out that Ozai was the Fire Lord and there was nothing that she could have done, Rai is not consoled: “‘And she was a piece of work,’ Rai finished bluntly, holding his gaze. ‘I know. She was also a child, with no one to treat her like one. I thought I might be someone to look out for her, even years too late’”—God, it’s so nice to hear someone point out that no matter how cruel Azula was, she was a kid and didn’t deserve what happened to her. It’s so good to see someone want to look out for her and help her. I’ve never thought that Rai could have been an inspiration for Tam, but she’s hitting the same points, even if she’s a very different person. I wish we had more of Rai in this, but I suspect her role in the story is done by the end of this chapter.

As their conversation winds down, Iroh reassures Rai that she did help Azula and pays her for the information. Rai urges him to help Azula, even if Azula pushes him away. “‘She really seems to hate you,’” Rai says, and I think that’s due to, A.) Ozai turning Azula against Iroh, B.) Iroh’s claim of killing the last dragon, C.) Iroh sending Azula gifts that catered more towards who Ursa wanted her to be, rather than who Azula wanted to be, and D.) Iroh choosing Zuko and telling Zuko to confront Azula and take her crown from her. Iroh says his goal is to help Azula, but he inwardly admits that he’s not sure how.

We shift back to Zuko, who is just arriving at Mai’s place. Mai’s uncle, the warden from the Boiling Rock, is there, and isn’t happy to see Zuko. He escorts Zuko in, and there is a brief exchange with Mai’s parents, during which her mother seems to imply that Mai’s uncle better not mess things up with the Fire Lord. Once the rest of the family is gone, Tsutomu quickly establishes that if it weren’t for Mai, he’d gut Zuko, because Mai has told him everything.

I’m not sure this was a wise call on Mai’s part—the more people who know a secret, the harder it is to keep—but I understand why she did it. She knows that her uncle is loyal to her. She knows that he doesn’t like Zuko. It would feel safe to go to him with this. That and he has contacts who could help her.

“Zuko was glad Mai had him to support her through this. But the warden would have done his utmost to poison her against him”—You did that yourself, Zuko.

“But then, a man who lays with his sister and tries to kill his father, what would you know about [family]?”—Woof, yeah, Zuko is a walking Greek tragedy. I’m curious about what Hu Xin did to be considered an equivalent.

“And I’m not sure that’s something I can allow in my niece’s life, regardless of her wishes.”—Fair, but you can’t support Mai if you’re executed for committing treason and regicide, Tsutomu.

Zuko asks if Mai’s parents know, but Tsutomu dismisses the idea: “‘They still think you fucked that waterbender.’” I am slightly amused by the confusion there, but not amused by the warden calling Katara a “nubile little savage” right afterwards. Gross and racist, Tsutomu.

“Zuko could only stare at him, sick with the realization that Mai’s parents suspected he cheated on her, even if they didn’t know with whom. And they still treated Zuko better than their daughter.”—More evidence that monarchies and patriarchies are terrible. The warden acknowledges that, saying that Mai’s parents expect this sort of thing from a noble husband, and that they think that Mai should suck it up and make sure her son’s and her family’s futures are secure, rather than let her hurt feelings get in the way. Which the warden thinks is bullshit, and as much as I don’t like him, I agree with him.

“‘Be the man that she deserves,’” he tells Zuko, and I’m like, “You tell him, Scary Warden.”

Zuko goes to find Mai, who is still wearing her crown. “She wouldn’t if she meant to desert him, would she?”—Dude, she earned that. I wouldn’t give it up without a fight either. Like, I don’t like monarchies, and I’d set up a council if someone gave me a crown…but like hell if I’m giving up that crown! It’s shiny!

Mai has been waiting for him to approach her to talk. I don’t know if I’m supposed to find the bed exchange amusing, but—Mai, come on. The bed needed to go. How could you sleep in it again knowing that Azula was raped and impregnated there? No, let it burn. Throw some oil on it while you’re at it. There’s bad juju in that mattress. I don’t think making Lu Ten in that bed erased the aura of squick. Though also, Zuko, you should have offered her a different bed. Come on, my dude.

“‘Really?’ Mai sprang like the jaws of a trap snapping closed. ‘So you were thinking of me the whole time you were with her?’”—Yikes!

Mai continues to press him on why he slept with Azula, with him getting “unaccountable angry that she wouldn’t just accept his explanation.” She doesn’t buy that the fight spun out of control, though that was a part of what happened. But that isn’t why it happened. Zuko reveals the ugly truth of it: “‘She made me so angry [ . . . ] I just lost control.’”—Meaning that Zuko didn’t have sex with Azula because he loved her. He did it to punish her.

Mai then asks why Azula would sleep with Zuko, and Zuko tries to explain that it’s because Ozai abused Azula. Mai isn’t convinced by this—maybe she thinks that this is some kind of Morgana plot on Azula’s part—and doesn’t believe that Ozai would admit to the abuse, either.

“‘He just let it slip, in a moment of anger!’” Zuko says, to which Mai responds, “‘Really? Because that sounds a lot more like you.’”—Yes. Yes, Mai, Zuko and Ozai are very similar people. Similar explosive angers, similar self-centered natures, similar disregard for Azula’s personhood. Yes, you got it in one, even if you don’t realize it yet.

“‘You’re a fool if you think it ever happened.’”—This is so ugly. Mai, don’t be this person. Don’t be the person who thinks that the rape victim is lying.

“‘Because I know Azula, I know how she thinks [ . . . ] She makes you feel sorry for her, you give her want she wants. You let her bend again when she starved herself, maybe you’ll give her a royal pardon when it turns out Daddy fu—’”—Mai, I don’t think you’ve ever understood Azula. Not really. Right now, you sound like all of the Azula-haters out there, who see Azula as a conniving snake, rather than a deeply troubled girl. And honestly, when did Azula ever act weak to try to get what she wanted? And why would she want this story to be spreading about her? It will make everyone look at her differently. At best, they’ll pity her; at worst, they’ll find a way to blame her for what happened, or say that it served her right, even though she was a child.

Zuko raises a hand to strike Mai at this point, almost adding wife-beater to his sin list, but Mai intercepts him and tries to kiss and come onto him. When Zuko pushes her away, Mai asks him why he didn’t push Azula away, too—which HE SHOULD HAVE. Which he had opportunities to do! But he didn’t and he doesn’t know why.

Mai has a theory, though: “‘It wasn’t just the fight. You wanted her. You lusted after her. Your own sister. [ . . . ] You act like you caught some disease that impaired your judgement. [ . . . ] But people don’t do what you did without feeling that way for a long time. And you never said a word to me.”—I think Mai is correct here, though this doesn’t touch on how his resentment towards and his desire to dominate Azula pushed him over the edge. I also want to sit her down and say, “He didn’t know, so he couldn’t have told you,” because I don’t think that Zuko knew on a conscious level what he felt for Azula, besides anger. Also, Mai, would him telling you have made it better, somehow?

“‘You would never talk about her! I had no one I could talk to about her—’”—Ty Lee is glaring at you from the other side of the planet, Zuko.

Mai accuses Zuko of raping Azula, which he denies, but Mai asserts what I’ve been saying for chapters now: “‘If she was crazy, how could she give consent?’”—Thank you, Mai! Thank you for calling him out on this!

Mai wants to play the blame game, either having Azula or Zuko be entirely at fault for what happened. It’s not that simple, though. The truest answer here is probably Ozai—he’s the one who messed both of his children up—but at the same time, Zuko was in full control of his actions, unlike Azula. So we can’t and shouldn’t absolve him of responsibility.

As Mai starts to cry, Zuko tries to hug her, but she pushes him away. “‘I want my husband [ . . . ] I want the man who would never do this! I want the man I trusted!’”—This reflects the pain that people feel when they find out that one of their loved ones has abused someone, except without the denial that usually comes with it. It feels impossible to reconcile the person you thought you knew and cared about with who they’ve been revealed to be. As much as I don’t like how Mai demonizes Azula, I understand and feel for her here.

Zuko asks if this means that she won’t come back, but she clarifies that she will, with some conditions. After all, there’s Lu Ten to think of. “‘He asks for you every day.’ A tear dripped from her chin, and watching this, Zuko needed a moment to realize she was talking about their son.’”—Dude, think more about your son! You barely seem to!

Mai’s conditions are reasonable: Talk to her before telling their son about what’s going on. Give her her own quarters. Don’t come into them unless she summons him. Keep her in the loop about the search for Azula. She’ll probably have more requests in the future, but this is a good start.

We switch over to Aang and Katara, who are visiting Bumi in Omashu. Bumi captured Azula at one point and she escaped, which is what the pair are here to discuss with him. We get the detail that there are now bounty hunters looking for Azula, and that the people of the Fire Nation aren’t thrilled with the search.

“[Aang] began to realize that he was not these people’s hero. He wondered if Azula might be.”—Honestly, Aang? Yeah, she is. Their princess is the youngest firebender master in centuries, she has blue fire (which could be seen as a sign of Agni’s blessing), and she conquered Ba Sing Se with only two comrades, after their most famous general failed to. Iroh and Zuko are also, technically, traitors to the Fire Nation, since they defected and helped overthrow the king. This isn’t even touching on the dismantling of the Fire Nation’s military, the trials against many of the Fire Nation’s nobles and generals, or the massive amounts of reparations that Zuko has given to the other countries. Are these things, in the broader sense, justified? Of course. The Fire Nation’s imperialist regime brought 100 years of suffering to the world, suffering that is still fresh for the other countries. But from the perspective of the people of the Fire Nation, this looks like a deep betrayal from their leaders. The fact that the economy is tanking and the crops aren’t good must look like further signs that Zuko is bringing disaster onto the realm. Of course the people would look up to Azula instead. She brought them glory. Zuko is forcing them to feel shame. It’s little wonder that they prefer her to him.

Moving on. Bumi is apparently 117 years old now. I know that Kyoshi lived to 230, but this is still wild to me. It’s also wild that Bumi became the king of Omashu, considering that he was a commoner and is still illiterate. Not that there’s anything wrong with either of those things—I think that compassion is a much more important quality in a leader, and Bumi has that in spades—but I’m surprised that the Earth Kingdom allowed it. I have to assume his prodigious earthbending was part of what elevated him. I bet there’s a whole story there, which we’ll sadly never see.

Katara is offended to learn that Bumi shared a meal with Azula, but Bumi reminds her that he shared a meal with them, too, when they were prisoners. “It’s the little things that count, you know, Aang [ . . . ] Never forget that.”—Bumi knows how important kindness is, and probably suspects how little of it Azula has been shown in her life.

Bumi doesn’t buy that Azula is crazy and dismisses the danger she poses if angered: “‘Oh, all Fire Nation people are like that’”—Which is too much of a generalization for my tastes. He thinks that Iroh might be an exception, but given that Iroh breathed out flames at the suggestion that Zuko put Azula into an abusive environment, I’m not convinced.

When Bumi compares Azula to her “prince” brother, Aang worries that he might be going senile, but Bumi gently corrects him. They then get back to business—Bumi reveals that Azula stowed away in a cargo caravan and was caught by inspectors when she fell asleep. Aang is surprised by this, but Bumi reminds him that Azula was sick during her stay in Omashu. Azula was with Bumi for two days—god, I would have loved to see that—before he let her go. Aang and Katara are shocked and ask why. Bumi confides that he’s worried that Azula’s capture and death will lead to war, since Zuko threatened as much.

Aang and Katara don’t believe Bumi at first, with Aang going so far as to say, “‘He wouldn’t endanger [the peace] for personal concerns.’”—I’m sorry, Aang, but have you met Zuko? Family is super important to him, even if that family is dysfunctional. Katara understands, since she’s the girl who went on a revenge quest to murder her mother’s killer, but only stopped when she realized that the killer wasn’t worth damaging her soul over. But if Sokka’s life was on the line, you better believe that she would start a war for him. Katara is just as ruled by her emotions as Zuko is, and just as inclined toward dramatic gestures. Aang’s own culture works against him somewhat here, since it emphasizes the communal over blood relations (which are functionally erased, though there must have been someone keeping records of who was related to who, to avoid accidental incest). It makes it difficult for him to grasp how deep a bond with a family member can go, even one who you have a bad relationship with. Zuko and Azula are parts of each other’s identity, difficult though that is for both of them to accept.

Bumi points out that the Earth Kingdom is part of why he didn’t turn Azula over to the Fire Nation or Aang—the Earth Kingdom is more of a collection of countries in a trench-coat, rather than a single, organized government. If Omashu defied the wishes of Ba Sing Se by turning Azula over to safety, rather than to them, the people of Omashu would pay the price. We also learn that since Bumi outed himself as a White Lotus member, he hasn’t had access to privileged information, like Azula’s trial in absentia.

Regardless of who catches Azula, though, the Earth Kingdom sees it as a win. Either they catch and kill her and restore their honor, or Zuko shelters her from them and they can start a war over it—a war which would help them seize Fire Nation resources and recover from the occupation. Zuko has, apparently, suspended reparations to them.

Bumi adds that a war with the Earth Kingdom would be extremely difficult to fight: “‘A continent this vast supplies almost unlimited troops, and plenty of places to hide private armies. And our chain of command is more convoluted than the 52nd Earth King’s family tree.’” The technological gap between the Fire Nation and the Earth Kingdom has also been closing since the war ended, and with the Fire Nation’s military gutted, it would be challenge for them to get an edge on the Earth Kingdom again. Overall, our heroes are in a bind, but there’s still time for them to find a way out of it. Until Azula is captured, that is—that will force the issue.

At this point, some letters arrive. The Gaang, thinking that Azula went to Kyoshi Island to recruit Ty Lee, are relieved that Ty Le “refused.” In truth, Ty Lee would have gone with Azula, but Azula told her no, because she understands the pain that she caused Ty Lee by forcing her to choose between her friends, and doesn’t want to do that again. Zuko tells them that he’s going to Kyoshi Island himself to ask questions, and that they shouldn’t waste the trip, which they accept…but Aang is starting to feel like he can’t trust Zuko, which troubles him.

We cut to Zuko as he arrives on the island. It turns out that Kaede actually bought that Azula and Ty Lee were fighting, and gave Ty Lee some light work to cheer her up. Zuko thinks that maybe Azula told Ty Lee everything and that’s why she’s not acting like herself. I wish that Azula had told Ty Lee, since it would be good for her to have someone in her corner who knows what happened from her perspective. But I understand why Azula didn’t say anything—it’s a memory that causes her shame, she’s used to keeping stuff like this a secret, Ty Lee might have let it slip to someone else, and it would have driven a wedge between Ty Lee and her other friends, something Azula is being careful not to do. But even so, I wish Azula had someone who knew and was supporting her in the aftermath, rather than her carrying it on her shoulders alone. But Azula isn’t used to accepting help from others, especially with things that are this sensitive.

When Ty Lee and Zuko meet, Ty Lee says that she didn’t think that Zuko would want to see her, and Zuko contradicts this with, “‘We’re friends, aren’t we?’” I don’t think that is true, given how Zuko thinks about her and how dismissive he’s been to her in the past. Zuko tries to apologize for that, but Ty Lee is more upset about how he’s treated Azula than with how he’s treated her. Zuko gets to the point: he wants information about Azula, such as why she was crying. Ty Lee refuses to give him that info because it’s personal to Azula, which tells us that Ty Lee wouldn’t have shared what happened to Azula if Azula had told her.

When Zuko says that he’s just trying to help Azula, Ty Lee calls bullshit. “‘You’re just trying to help yourself! She never would have ran if she thought there was any chance of you ever letting her out! But you never saw her; you wouldn’t even answer her letters! [ . . . ] Even I could tell you just dropped her there to forget about her—”—So true, Ty Lee. Especially the part about him never seeing her, which works on both a literal and figurative level.

“‘I never forgot!” Zuko insists, but this is actually more damning. It suggests that he kept Azula there so he would always know where she was and have control over her life.

“‘You never helped her, either [ . . . ] I know she didn’t always treat you right. I know, because she hurt me too. [ . . . ] But that’s not all she was. She’s not a monster. [ . . . ] She feels remorse, and she can repay kindness with kindness. She’s just—seen so little of that, I don’t know if she knows what it looks like anymore.’”—Clearly Ty Lee dumped most of her character creation points into Wisdom (and Dexterity). She might not be cunning, but she understands people, Azula included, much better than most of the other characters do. She has a lot of empathy, which I deeply appreciate.

Interrupting their conversation, though, June the bounty hunter storms into the clearing, with her shirsu paralyzing Ty Lee with a lash of its tongue. And that brings us to the end of another chapter! As always, thank you for the read, Aurelia!

Sincerely,

WiseAbsol

#Dominion by Aurelia le #Azula #avatar: the last airbender #Fanfiction #Review #WiseAbsol

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winterfury10 · 5 years

Text

Love at Hogwarts: Part 1

Summary:

Her heart skipped a beat -out of attraction or fear, she wasn't sure- when he looked at her and their eyes met. She meant to quickly turn away and act like nothing happened but her heart continued thundering in her rib cage as he walked towards her, eyes set solely on her. And to her surprise, Jack lifted his hand and reached for her forehead. And Elsa was sure that she died.

...

So, idk if you guys knew this before but kinda ship Dramoine and I've read many Tumblr posts about them and I couldn't help but imagine Jack and Elsa in their places so here's something that was on my mind.

The day at Hogwarts started like any other normal day. The calm early morning air still weighed down on the tall towers, birds chirped in the air, the Whomping Willow stood in its place like a normal tree, the ghosts prepared themselves for the day whereas the students-

"JACKSON OVERLAND FROST!!"

Elsa sighed and hung her head, closing her book as she rubbed a hand down her face in frustration. She turned her head and found Mr Frollo run out of the main gates with his hands stuck in a bucket each.

A few students hanging around the lake snickered when they saw his plight, but did nothing to help him. Because everyone knew who was behind it, and whose name Frollo was screaming at the top of his lungs. The Professor was known for his unfair punishments for even the simplest of things so it was no surprise to anyone that he had been pranked.

Elsa yelped when she heard movement above her and almost groaned out loud when she saw the culprit in question poking his head out from amid the leaves.

"May I know what business you might have in the tree, Mr Frost?" She asked, trying hard to not roll her eyes.

Jackson- or Jack, as everyone else called him- jumped down and landed on all fours next to her, a scowl etched on his handsome face.

"Well well well, if it isn't for Ms Snow Queen," He smirked, a nasty 'I-totally-hate-your-guts' smirk rather than the 'hello-ladies' playboy smirk he usually had.

"What did Professor Frollo do this time?" Elsa asked, turning back to book.

"None of your business." He replied casually, stuffing his hands in his pockets as he looked over at the lake.

"And you couldn't have run away somewhere else?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Hey, the school grounds are not your property. All of us have equal rights to roam wherever we want. Meaning that I can hide wherever I want. Besides, I've been here for more than an hour. So you're the one who was supposed to leave." Jack argued back.

"Well, you could have just told me to leave when I first arrived." Elsa pointed out, standing up with her closed book in hand and the two just stood there, glaring at each other.

His eyes sure are pretty... Especially with that natural snowflake design in them...

Realising where her thoughts were leading to, Elsa quickly turned away to hide her light blush and started towards gates of the school.

.....

Elsa took quick steps to the Ravenclaw tower, cursing herself for admiring his eyes and how she thought he was handsome. In her rage, she failed to notice Mr Frollo standing a few steps ahead, still in search of the guy behind the prank, his hands still suspended in the glue-filled buckets.

But to her misfortune, he spotted her right away.

"Ah, Ms Winters!" He called out.

Elsa groaned inwardly -but turned to meet him with a polite smile on her face. "Yes, Professor?"

"Have you seen Mr Frost by any chance?" Frollo asked.

"I'm not sure I have," Elsa replied. "May I know why you are searching for him?"

Frollo held his hands up, gesturing to the big buckets stuck to his hands. "Uh... He is the reason I'm stuck with these buckets and he has enchanted them using one of his ridiculous prank spells and I can't find Professor Fauna to remove the charm as well. So I need to find him before the other teachers return."

Elsa made a show of thinking before she replied hesitantly, "I think I heard a few students mention that the entire Slytherin Quidditch team was headed to the stadium. Maybe you'd find him there." She gave him a smile, completely convincing him with her lie.

"Thank you for your help, Ms Winters," Frollo muttered before walking away.

Elsa dropped her facade, sighing in frustration and annoyance as she ran towards the Ravenclaw tower before anyone else disturbed her.

.....

"I want to kill everyone in this school and then jump off the Ravenclaw Tower and kill myself," Elsa grumbled, falling face-first on her bed.

"Frost again?" Rapunzel, Elsa's cousin and roommate, snickered.

"You know it," Elsa grumbled.

"What happened this time?"

Elsa turned over, lying on her back as she stared at the ceiling above. "For starters, he ruined my peaceful day-off by getting Frollo's hands stuck in buckets of glue- only the Gods know how the man even fell for his prank- and we all know how Frollo reacts when he gets fooled. And then I find him hiding in the tree I was sitting under and starts saying gibberish about how he was the first to come so I had to leave blah blah blah- and then when I was on my way to the Tower, Frollo intercepts me, asking me if I have seen the idiot and- ugh! I've worked my ass off this whole week- what with a shit ton of Head Girl duties and daily studies- and just when I thought I can take a break, this happens!"

Rapunzel just blinked, trying to process everything she just heard. "Oooookaaayyy??" Then realisation struck. "Wait, you're the freakin Head Girl. Why didn't you deduct any points??"

"Everyone knows he's a prankster, Punz, but I can't deduct points without having proof that he is indeed the one who pranked Frollo." Elsa sighed again.

She finally decided that it would be better to take a nap and just as she lifted her blanket, Belle- their other roommate- ran in, books in her hands, looking like she just survived a hurricane incident.

"Woah, what the hell happened to you?" Rapunzel laughed, running over to Belle to help her place her books on her study table.

"Me? I'm fine. But the Slytherins? Not so much." She rambled before setting her gaze on the half-asleep Head Girl. "You need to go to the Great Hall. Shit is going down in there."

Elsa groaned but she woke up nonetheless, her responsible instincts kicking in when she heard the panic in Belle's voice. "What happened?"

"Well, someone pranked Frollo which resulted in him getting his hands stuck in small buckets of glue and he has been searching for the culprit from the morning. He couldn't find anyone to blame so he's just blaming the entire Slytherin house. What's worse is that the Headmaster and his Deputy have actually gone out together for some school business.

"The other teachers have either gone out to take care of something or are at the forest, taking care of the magical animals, leaving Frollo the only teacher in school. So by the time any of them return, Frollo would've made sure that the entire house goes through some punishment!" She explained hurriedly as they made their way down to the Hall.

Elsa ran along with Belle and Rapunzel towards the Great Hall but just as she reached the last flight of stairs, she saw the main culprit about to enter the Hall. She paused when she saw him, unsure if she should confront him. Her sight wandered to the side in thought when she saw something and her eyes widened.

No time to hesitate...

Elsa wove through the crowd and managed to reach him before he walked inside. She grabbed his hand and dragged him away.

"Wha-? Snow Queen what the fuck-?!"

"Just come!" Elsa glanced behind them and saw Frollo approaching the Great Hall really fast. She cursed under her breath and started to run, tagging Jack along with her.

They finally reached the end of the corridor which wasn't very brightly lit and Elsa quickly pulled Jack behind the last pillar.

"What are you-"

"Shush! You wanna get caught?!" she hissed, placing her hand on his mouth.

Elsa slowly peeped out and saw Frollo stand in front of the Great Hall, furiously searching for something or rather someone. Curious, Jack also poked his head out and saw what she was watching so intensely.

Frollo turned in their direction and Elsa quickly yanked Jack back behind the pillar. He opened his mouth to say something when she clamped her hand on his mouth and shook her head.

The two of them stood in silence in the darkness until they heard faint footsteps in the distance. Elsa risked peaking again and sighed in relief when she saw that Frollo had gone inside the Great Hall.

"What's all this about?!" Jack hissed.

"Be grateful! Frollo's been hunting for you since morning and I just saved your sorry butt from getting caught!" Elsa crossed her arms.

"I didn't ask for your help!" Jack rolled his eyes. "Besides, Frollo's ordered all the Slytherins to assemble in the Hall and I'm supposed to be there!"

Elsa huffed and placed her arms on her hips. "Did it ever cross your mind that this might be a trap to get you caught for what you did today morning?"

Jack just stared at her, trying to come up with a proper remark. "That can't be true."

"And why is that?" Elsa raised an eyebrow cockily.

"Uh..." Jack looked up, searching for some reason. "Um..."

"Frost, Frollo doesn't have the power or right to punish an entire house unless the Headmaster understands and agrees to the punishment. A few students might be acceptable but not the entire house. He's not even the Head of Slytherin!" Elsa pointed out.

"But-"

Both of them paused when they heard loud groans and complaints from the Great Hall. They shared a glance before sprinting to the Great Hall.

Jack stopped at the gates and grabbed Elsa's hand to stop her as well. He stood behind the huge gates and pulled Elsa along with him.

"You can't do that!"

"It's not fair!"

"None of us are at fault!"

"Quiet!" Frollo's voice echoed throughout the Hall.

"Professor Frollo, this is outrageous!"

"Hiccup!" Elsa gasped, recognising the last voice.

She saw Jack's jaw tighten but she just ignored it and listened closely to the conversation in the Hall.

"Mr Haddock, this has nothing to do with you or any of the other houses. Please leave immediately." Frollo ordered.

"I apologize, Professor, but I refuse. Forgive me for my behaviour but I feel it is unfair to punish the entire Slytherin house for a prank which could've been played by any student." Hiccup argued.

"You can't just blame us, Professor." Astrid refuted.

Elsa smiled as she listened to them, her respect for the Head Boy and the Slytherin Prefect increasing yet again. She failed to notice that Jack had let go of her hand as she crept closer to the entrance.

"Mr Haddock, do you wish to spend your evenings for the rest of the week in detention?" Frollo asked.

Hearing no reply, Elsa decided that enough was enough and entered the Hall.

Many heads turned around and the students cleared a path when they saw her walk in. Frollo, Astrid and Hiccup saw her as well and she swore she saw Hiccup smirk as she walked towards the two of them with her polite smile on her face.

"What seems to be the matter, Professor?" Elsa asked sweetly.

"The Slytherin house is being punished for pulling a prank on me -a teacher- but Mr Haddock here seems to be against the idea." Frollo glared at both of them.

Hiccup and Astrid glared back but Elsa continued smiling at the teacher.

"I apologize for my fellow leader for his questioning but I'm sure you have your reasons, Professor. I mean, after all, a Hogwarts teacher doesn't discriminate without reason." Elsa clasped her hands in front of her while maintaining her 'good-girl' character.

"Reasons...? Oh, yes! Yes, I have my reasons!" Frollo announced.

Elsa's smile didn't waver as she continued speaking. "Normally, I wouldn't question a teacher's behaviour but since the number of students receiving the punishment is large and there is too much opposition, I'm sure my fellow students would understand if you could explain why they're being punished."

Frollo just raised an eyebrow but Elsa could see him sweating and she smirked internally.

"I don't see why I have to explain myself, Ms Winters." Frollo glared down at them.

"Oh no, sir, you must have misunderstood me. I'm not asking this for my own sake. The students need the reason if they are to be punished." Elsa replied.

Her words remained polite but the meaning hidden behind those words didn't go unnoticed by Frollo and all the students gathered.

'You have no choice but to give your reason.'

"They pranked me." Frollo declared, pointing a finger at the Slytherins. Or at least that's what he tried to do but his hands were still in the small buckets of glue so he was just pointing one of the buckets at the students.

"Where's the proof, Professor?" Astrid asked.

"Why do I need proof?" Frollo raised his eyebrow again.

"To justify your accusation, sir." Hiccup stated.

Frollo glared at them and almost all the students smirked, knowing he was driven to a corner.

"I found this!" Frollo huffed, and a Slytherin tie came floating before them. "It was in my room! I'm sure it was dropped by the prankster!"

"Professor, are you sure it is the prankster's?" Elsa asked. "The tie could be anyone's. It may belong to one of the accused students, or it may be the tie of one of the older students who no longer attend Hogwarts. Or it may even be placed by a student from the other groups so that Slytherin gets blamed. So, may we know why you believe it is the prankster's, sir?"

"I..." Frollo trailed away before his eyes widened. "Judging by your detailed observation, I am led to believe that you might have been the culprit, Ms Winters." Frollo started suddenly.

Almost the entire Hall gasped, unable to believe he just said that.

"Sir?" Elsa stepped back, shocked by his courage to blame her out of nowhere.

"Such insolence!" Frollo yelled suddenly. "I never expected such behaviour from you, Ms Winters!"

Elsa groaned internally. Now he's throwing a tantrum.

"But sir-"

"Hello, everyone!"

The students turned and saw Jack, casually strolling in, his signature smirk plastered on his face.

"Mr Frost?" Frollo's eye twitched.

What the heck are you doing, Frost?! Elsa scolded him in her head.

She showed her confusion and anger on her face when she caught his eye across the room but he merely continued smirking as he came and stood next to her. He made a show of looking around and finally saw the tie in Frollo's hands.

"Oh my, Professor! Thank you so much for finding my tie!" Jack gave him the biggest grin ever seen and snatched the tie back. "I was worried that I had lost it! Seems like it had been with you all along!"

"The tie is yours?" Frollo blinked. "How did it end up in my office?"

"Ah, it was there? Hans probably left it there by mistake when he went to your office." He gave the most innocent smile of all times.

"Ms Westergaard?" Frollo looked around and found him in the crowd.

"Yup. I saw him coming out of your office, wearing gloves covered with glue. Is there a problem?" Jack asked.

Frollo glared at Jack before setting his eyes on Hans. "A word, Mr Westergaard?"

Hans glared at Jack as he walked through the students and followed Frollo.

Everyone started talking and gossiping among themselves but Jack was the least bothered as he grabbed Elsa's hand and dragged her out of the Hall. They kept running until they reached the tree under which Elsa had been sitting in the morning.

"Is it true?" Elsa asked, taking a seat on the ground as Jack sat down with her.

"What is?"

"That Hans pranked him."

"Yup." Jack leaned and settled against the trunk.

"I thought it was you," Elsa said.

"Just because Frollo was screaming my name doesn't mean it was me, Snowflake." He started, resting the back of his head on his palms as he closed his eyes.

"...snowflake?" Elsa titled her head in confusion.

Jack's eyes shot wide and his face turned into an adorable shade of pink, and Elsa felt her heart flutter at the sight.

"Forget it." He mumbled.

"What was that?" Elsa leaned closer as if she couldn't hear him.

"I said you suck." Jack glared at her.

Elsa rolled her eyes and pulled up her knees and hugged them before placing her head on them as she looked at him. "You still didn't answer my first question."

Jack sighed and he ran his hand through his hair -which, Elsa assures you, definitely did not look absolutely hot and gorgeous. "Hans and I obviously can't stand each other. But yesterday we may have insulted each other a bit too much. I guess he wanted revenge so he decided it would be nice to get me caught by Frollo.

"Like an idiot, he snatched my tie out from my hand and ran out of the common room. I followed him to get it back but he ran into Frollo's office. I didn't want to go in there -it was just a tie after all- so I walked away and the next thing I know, Hans got pissed off and started chasing me with some of his bigger and armed dudes and Frollo comes running out of his office with his hands in small buckets of glue. So when you found me, I was actually hiding from Hans and his goons- not Frollo."

Elsa took in the story when she remembered something else. "Then why was Frollo searching for you in the morning?"

"Probably assumed I was behind it. Let's face it though, this is not the first time he's been pranked and many of the previous times involved me pranking him." Jack shrugged.

Elsa nodded in understanding and the two of them just sat there in the silence. Elsa felt somewhat happy, sitting alone in comfortable silence with Jack next to her. She couldn't help but blush just a little, hoping he might feel the same way. But for all her fantasies, she knew that wasn't possible. He was Jack Frost, after all. The most popular and loved guy in Hogwarts. And Jack Frost was friendly with everyone, except her.

She saw Jack rubbing the nape of his neck as he opened his mouth to say something when they heard footsteps approaching.

"Hey, guys!" Hiccup smiled as he reached them and stood next to Elsa.

Elsa smiled back and noticed that Jack just nodded in greeting before looking away.

"Good job with the old man, Hiccup." Elsa grinned, holding up her hand for a fist bump.

"You did most of the work so I should be the one telling that." Hiccup smirked but returned the friendly gesture.

"I didn't do anything." Elsa shook her head. "It was after you were threatened that I decided that Frollo needs his butt kicked."

"Yeah, thanks for that." Hiccup smiled sweetly. "It was amazing how you cornered him."

"Thanks." Elsa grinned.

"So, Hiccup." Jack interrupted, slinging an arm across Elsa's shoulders as he leant forward to talk to the brunette. "Where's Astrid? Aren't you guys always hanging out with each other?"

"She was talking to Snotlout and the others and I saw Elsa here so I thought I'd come and thank her for her help." Hiccup smiled. "And yes, we do hang out a lot. She is my girlfriend after all."

Jack jolted in his place, hearing her reply. "Girlfriend?"

"You didn't know?" Elsa asked.

"I didn't." Jack shook his head before turning to them again. "Really? Since when?"

"Since I asked him out after getting tired of waiting for him to ask me out," Astrid answered, smirking as she calmly stood next to Hiccup.

"But I'm the one who asked you to be my girlfriend!" Hiccup pouted.

"Yeah, and you were really corny about it." Astrid rolled her eyes but her smirk didn't fade.

"It's called being smooth." Hiccup corrected her.

Jack just watched them bicker, glancing at Elsa who was smiling at them.

"Well, almost everyone knows about our relationship," Astrid gestured to Hiccup and herself before pointing at Jack and Elsa, "but not yours."

Jack and Elsa just blinked in confusion before they realised that Jack's arm was still wrapped around Elsa. He quickly pulled it back as Elsa hurriedly explained that that wasn't the case.

Astrid and Hiccup just stared at their crimson faces before sharing a knowing look. They quickly said their goodbyes and left, having a feeling that their assumption might not be completely false.

Meanwhile, Jack and Elsa avoided looking at each other, getting their blush under control.

"You... aren't sad?" Jack asked, breaking the silence.

"Sad...?" Elsa trailed off in confusion.

"You know... Since Hiccup is dating Astrid..." Jack pointed out like he was stating the obvious.

"Why would I be sad that they're dating? I am the one who helped Astrid to ask him out. I even helped Astrid dress up for her date! Honestly, I'm so happy that she found someone whom she truly loves and who loves her equally, if not more." Elsa smiled.

"You knew about their crushes on each other?" Jack checked.

"Who didn't?" Elsa rolled her eyes. "Hiccup's been crushing on her since First year and Astrid started liking him after hanging out with him during Third year. Almost the entire school shipped them together and many even cheered when Hiccup admitted during a game of Truth or Dare that she had kissed him once before they started dating."

"But you're still not sad?"

"Jack Frost, why the fuck would I be sad?"

"Because you like Hiccup?"

Elsa blinked a few times before she burst out laughing.

"Nice joke, Frost." she grinned but paused when she saw that he wasn't laughing. "Wait, you're serious?"

Jack nodded wordlessly.

Elsa sighed and hugged her knees again, staring out at the lake. "Hiccup is a great guy and we've been friends since Forth year but I don't see him in a romantic way."

"So, you don't have a crush on anyone at the moment?" Jack asked, keeping his voice calm and casual and Elsa wondered if she heard some hope in his voice, before ignoring it.

"That isn't necessarily true..." Elsa trailed away, looking down as a small blush took over her face and her ears turned pink.

"Someone managed to steal the Snow Queen's heart, after all." Jack teased but Elsa noted he didn't seem completely cheerful.

She had guessed that he would hold it against her and tease her relentlessly and probably even tell everyone that she had a crush but did not expect him to have a kind-of sad looking smile, the twinkle in his eyes all but gone.

Just as she opened her mouth to say something, loud yells echoed in the distance, grabbing their attention. Elsa moved to stand up but Jack pulled her back down, almost making her fall on his lap. He wrapped an arm around her and pressed her closer to himself to prevent her from moving as he slowly peeked out. He groaned when he saw the source of the loud noises.

Meanwhile, Elsa froze completely, face turning red as he pressed her against himself. She looked up at his face as he peeped out, biting her lip as she caught a whiff of his cologne. He unconsciously pressed her closer when -from what she guessed- he saw the people who were making noise.

"We gotta get out of here," Jack declared, letting her go before grabbing her hand as he stood up and pulled her up as well. He pulled out his wand and pointed towards the sky before screaming, "Accio Twinetender!"

"Accio what now?" Elsa, who was trying to see who was making the noise, whipped her head to look at him.

Jack didn't reply but kept staring at the distance. Elsa looked in the direction he was looking at and blinked when she saw something flying towards them.

"Wha-"

She got her answer before she could complete her question as a broom -or rather, Jack's Firebolt 5000- landed before them. She blinked in awe at the magnificent broom, remembering that Jack was titled the best chaser in the entire school for four years straight from when he first joined the Slytherin Quidditch team in their Third year and was currently the captain of his team.

As she continued staring at it, Jack wasted no time in mounting it and pulled her along to do the same. Confused by his behaviour, Elsa blinked and wasn't even ready when Jack shot into the sky, with her screaming behind him.

Wrapping her arms tight around his waist, Elsa heard their pursuers yelling after them as they flew off. She risked looking back at them and saw Hans' cronies running after them as they fumbled for their wands.

"Are they seriously stupid enough to use magic on other students?!" Elsa yelled over the wind as she grabbed her own wand.

"They don't care for House Points since they're from different Houses, and they basically live in detention by skipping it so yeah, pretty much!" Jack replied.

"Jack, leave me down on the ground, now!" Elsa ordered, "I'm sure we can talk this ou-"

"What if they don't want to?" He asked, cursing under his breath when he saw two of them getting their own brooms.

"Then I'll kick their ass 'cause I'm the Head Girl and I'm not gonna let such behaviour slide." She said it with so much authority that Jack could feel a shiver run down his spine.

But he couldn't help but smirk as he relented and took a sharp U-turn while he heading straight for the ground. Elsa screamed and hung on tighter, burying her face in his shoulder which just made him smirk more.

Floating right above the ground with their feet touching the grass, Jack's smirk didn't fade away as Elsa continued hugging him. "It's okay, Ms Snow Queen. We've reached the ground." He added sarcastically.

Elsa slowly lifted her head from his shoulder and looked around and at the ground to make sure they really were on the ground.

But Jack continued smirking as he whispered to her, "Can't resist getting your hands on all this sexiness?"

As expected, Elsa turned red at the comment, smacking his head and shoving him as she got off the broom.

She barely raised an eyebrow when two of Hans' cronies -who had chased them in the sky- landed in front of them with their wands in their hands as the rest ran towards them. The guys were glaring at Elsa who looked impassive as she waited for everyone to gather.

"You have nothing to do with this, Winters," said a Gryffindor, his wand pointed at her, "Just leave Frost with us and we'll leave you on your way."

"Hm, bold words for someone who chased us down on a broom, Mr Rush," Elsa gave him a cool and calm smile, which was her signature 'Head Girl' smile as described by her sister and friends.

It wasn't the bright smile that she would show in the presence of chocolate, or the polished reserved smile that always made its appearance when she had to attend parties and dinners with her parents. No, it was a smile that showed her calmness while also giving off a subtle yet intimidating sense of authority. That's how Anna described her different types of smiles.

Anna had even noticed a special 'seeing Jack Frost' smile, but Elsa didn't have to know that.

"This is not your fight, Ms Head Girl," a Hufflepuff spoke up.

"Neither is it yours, Mr Dayholt. Or anyone else's either."

"What do you mean its not our fight?" asked a second Gryffindor, along with a Ravenclaw by his side.

"Well, " Elsa started, her smile still present on her face, "from how I see it, this is solely Jack and Hans' problem. They argued and Hans decided to be childish about it and tried to get him caught but in the end, he got what he deserved. I don't see why your presence is needed."

"Hans is our friend...!" A Slytherin trailed off, looking around at the others for support.

"And what exactly has he done to you to treat you all as a friend?* Elsa asked, making sure to keep no contempt in her voice as she explained to them, " As the Head Girl of the school, I pledged to help every student and teacher out. But to do that, I would have to know about them. So yes, I know all of you and how long anyone's friendship with Hans lasts.

"Hans treats his so-called friends like his slaves and I know that he's using the Westergaard name to threaten all of you. But I can assure you that Hans can do no such thing as he holds no such power or authority in his house. You need not worry about him." she declared.

The students in the group shuffled their feet and looked away from her, surprised yet impressed that she had figured out the truth and even came up with a solution. But Elsa wasn't done.

"I won't tell you to break off your bonds with Hans because that's entirely your decision, " Elsa announced and the next second, her smile turned colder and her eyes were spitting ice daggers at all of them, "But if you want to continue fighting on his behalf, then I warn you that trying to fight with the Head Girl and the Slytherin Prefect/Quidditch Captain isn't gonna be a piece of cake."

The students withered under her gaze and finally, after a few seconds of torture, they split into tinier groups and slowly started heading back to the castle. Few of them even stopped to apologize and thank Elsa but she waved them off politely. But not all of them were convinced.

"What do you know about Hans?" said the second Gryffindor who had his Ravenclaw friend with him.

"More than you, I'm sure, Mr Brown, " Elsa replied.

The guy, however, took it as an insult that he doesn't know anything about Hans, and ran towards her with his arm raised.

"Aren't you gonna help her? You've just been watching the whole time!" A nearby student asked Jack, who was casually leaning against a tree as he watched the drama unfold.

"Nope, " He replied cheekily.

The students from Hans' group who had started heading to the castle, along with a few other students who had just been loitering around, stopped to watch what happens as the Gryffindor ran towards her. Acting fast, Elsa ducked under his arm, grabbed his wrist and neck and floored him, which elicited gasps from everyone.

"As the Head Girl, " Elsa stood up, casually cleaning the dust off her hands with her handkerchief, "I can't physically injure or harm students or I'd get in trouble. So I hope you understand and leave for your own sake."

She shot a cold smile at the Gryffindor before turning to walk towards Jack. She paused mid-step when she remembered something and turned around partially.

"Oh, I'm reducing ten points from each of you for trying to attack us."

The students were heard groaning but Elsa could be least bothered as she reached Jack, seeing whom she raised an eyebrow in question. But at the same time, she felt her heart flutter when she saw the smug and proud smirk that was plastered on his face.

"You seem to be enjoying the show," she commented, taking time to admire the broom next to him.

"Yeah, I like watching people kick ass in the calmest way possible." Jack shrugged.

"Is that so...?" Elsa trailed off, too distracted by the broom.

"Aw, someone seems to love my broom more than they love me, " Jack teased her in a childish voice.

"It's not like tha-" Elsa stopped, heat rushing to her face when she realised how her reply could be misinterpreted that she did love him more than his broom.

Which isn't all that far from the truth but as usual, I'm never gonna just accept it...

"What was that?"

"Nothing." She insisted stubbornly, realising that it would be better to change the subject. And she knew exactly what she wanted to ask. "So, when Hans' 'friends' appeared, why did you just take off into the air like an idiot? We would've gotten so much punishment if some teacher had seen us!"

"Come on, I was being a chivalrous hero by trying to help you!" Jack complained.

Elsa tried to keep her face normal as she replied, "Whatever, I'm taking five points off from both of our Houses."

Jack opened his mouth to complain but she held a hand up to stop him. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm gonna head to the Great Hall for some lunch. Please excuse me."

And just like that, she turned and walked away, her heart swelling with self-pride at how calm she had remained throughout her time with Jack.

He's really not that bad after all... She glanced back at him and saw him checking something on his broom. Blushing lightly, Elsa smiled to herself before she jogged to the Hall.

.....

I hope everyone liked it.

Here’s part 2.

#jelsa #Jack Frost #jack frost x elsa #jack and elsa #elsa frozen #first time posting fanfiction on tumblr #hogwarts au #jelsa hogwarts au #fanfiction #jelsa fanfiction

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ofclaude · 4 years

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vent post under a readmore instead of in the tags bc i !! need to vent !!! & the point of not typing in the post is to be less in your face but this is gonna be a Lot probably lmao

i just. wish i had people around me who i actually care about & who care about me instead of them all being countries away. i live here in this place that helps me recover from trauma & integrate blahblahblah &...like.

they are literally paid to pet my head & call me sweet & go aww really :(( that sucks! & tell me the world’d be worse off without me. & it just fucking. it always gets to me. how is it supposed to not??? i want to be cared about the reason i’m suicidal is because no-one i’ve lived around ever gave a shit about me except 2 primary school teachers & one friend in high-school. people have been paid to pretend to care about me since i was born because me dying was more scandalous than paying a stranger to therapy the neglect away !!

i’m so tired. i’m so, so tired & i can’t anymore. oh, i will. i always fucking do !!! i always fucking do!! and i hate that!! because it’s never. i. ugh. i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tierd i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tried i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired

i went to talk to my father & he !! doesn’t even remember !!! telling me to go live on the street & die in a village where i was the freak when i was 6 years fucking old because he was just qangry & well he got it off his chest didn’t he !! I FUCKING CAN’T IT’S CALLED C-PTSD FUCK YOUR ENTIRE LIFE he was a grown-ass man lashing out in a violent rage at his own goddamn child & NO-ONE. NO-ONE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT THEY’RE DOING WHEN THEY DO THAT. YOU FUCKING KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING WHEN YOU DO THAT, I DON’T GIVE A SHIT IF YOU FORGOT ABOUT IT!! YOU’RE STILL THE ASSHOLE WHO MADE ME SUICIDAL & MADE IT SO I KNOW I’M WORTHLESS, I KNOW NOTHING WILL EVER BE OKAY, I KNOW NOTHING WILL EVERY CHANGE THIS

& that was just one, tiny lil interaction out of 24 years of that shit. 24 years !! how am i supposed to just. work thru all of that shit without getting tired of it; yaddahyaddah make ya life better IF UCKING KNOW. HOW ABOUT NOT MAKING ME WORK FOR SMTH I NEVER CHOSE & DON’T WANT ANYMORE, HOW ABOUT DOING SOMETHING ABOU TTHE SCUMBAGS WHO GET TO JUST ‘GET BETTER’ AFTER the only reason they’re not responsible for my death is bc i got real fucking lucky. i’ve got massive endurance & i got lucky as hell. & it wouldn’t have mattered bc THEN I WOULD’VE BEEN DEAD, HUH?!?!? NO-ONE CARES! no-one does anything, & i’m sick of it. they get to kill me, but fuck forbid i do something abou tthem.

& blah that’s all feelings & trauma blah it’s not true i fucking know it’s not true. nothing’s true or fals #nihilism. doesn’t matter that’s not the point. i can do endless therapy, i can have people pet my head all day, i can talk myself out of this & that attempt because i know it won’t change anything. but i can’t change that this lives in me. it’s been years since i cut ties. he’s changed. i’ve changed, else i wouldn’t have cut ties in the first place but ok.

i still don’t want him. i still don’t like him. part of me still cries & hates me for taking my own daddy away from me!! even tho he’s the aggressive bastard who makes me want to fucking take my own life hellloooooo !?!?!? i have to put up with this shit. because i choose to live, but i didn’t get to choose what motherfuckers i was born with - not that my mother didn’t try to teach me otherwise tho !!! it’s all ur own choice uwu u made this call u wanted me for a parent !!!! except i loved myself unlike you bitches so no i did not but go off !! in ur fantasyland

it’s been 3 fucking years & i’ve done so much & i actually got myself a will to live last years. & it’s like. yay it’s better now :))))) no. it’s not. there are better things also. this is not better. it won’t get better, because there is nothing to change. & since it’s ptsd, i can’t forget either. blahblah lessen the impact IF UCKING KNOW I DO THERAPY I KNOW HOW THIS WORKS! BUT IT DOESN’T CHANG ETHE FACT MY OWN PARENTS THOUGHT IT WAS OKAY TO TEACH ME TO HATE MYSELF & THAT THE WHOLE WORLD COULD ONLY EVER HATE ME BUT I WASN’T ALLOWED TO DIE!! OR MAKE A SCENE !! THAT’D LOOK BAD HUH?? me, the village freak. diagnosed with autism cuz they traumatised me so bad it looked the goddamn same but fuck forbid ANYONE. EVER. talk to my parents !! noooo no i was the one that needed fixing. except they did that wrong too my fucking god does it never end.

i’m tired. i’m tired of living with the pieces of somebody else’s mistakes. i’m tired of being afraid of pushing away the only people i have who i do care about & who care about me, just by asking them to care about the parts of me that’ll never get better. i’m sick of hiding how tired i am. i’m sick of having to be normal & happy & good enough by all those rules that don’t belong to me just to not be as terrified of being neglected again - except this time by people who don’t owe me shit.

i always deal with everything. & i’m tired of it. i’m so, so fucking tired. i know. i know it can get better. i know i can find ways. i know. i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i know i KNOW. that doesn’t make it okay.

i wish it did, but it never does.

& since :))) i’m afraid of running off my friends by asking directly i’ll just ;)) vent :))) here ;)))

what do you even say to the ppl who actually care about you anyway like lmao what a joke. the better i get the more room i have to conform to being normal - & idc about how other ppl like it, i mean. bad normal. social skills apparently only mean ways, not truth. i was never taught social skills so i communicated directly, which is super good & ppl these days need to be taught that?? so much????????? but no i was awkward & didn’t have social skills. fuck you, ppl raised from the get-go with social skills are the WORST at being social bc they never had to learn another person’s language or the desperation that comes with the language barriers no-one will explain to you. i’m so tired. i’m so tired of jumping thru hoops just to what???? get ppl to care??? get smn to care about????????? & then what. jump thru hoops some more bc now u have smn who doesn’t get u unless u filter out who you are & are left with nothing.

it’s so important to be me but the better i get the less i can do that & that’s what killed me so i gues we’re back at square one !!! let’s go back to therapy & pretend i need that when i already know how to work shit. let’s pay another person to pet my head & give me an hour of their time to vent, just because i don’t have to be afraid they’ll run. jesus christ. if i can’t be me i won’t do it. but idek if i can force myself to bemyself anymore & that’s fucking scary. learning social skills after a lifetime of being shunned just makes me more equipped to go with my terrible coping skills, which is to nix myself & just. be normal be normal be normal be normal bne nomral bne mrf oamlf be nomral. i’m tired.

& blah if u wanna post it on tumblr u gotta go on ur personal uwu ur rp blog is a vending machine no personal shit !! how dare u have a personal life that Exists lmao

#i already know how to solve all of my fucking problems but that doesn't mean i'm okay & i don't have to pretend i am either #amor yodels #vent for ts #on god if this just slaps u in the face in dashview I TAKE NO RESPONSIBILITY EAT UR OWN ASS

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justauthoring · 6 years

Text

No Reason To (4/50)

Prompt: “And I guess… when it comes down to it, I trust you.”

It has come to my attention that by adding links to my posts, it stops that post from being seen in the tags tagged. So, sadly, I will no longer be able to tag previous parts of NRT on new chapters. BUT all part can be found easily on my “No Reason To Series MasterList!”

A/N: I am absolutely blown away from the positive feedback i’ve received. It both baffles me and makes me really happy - so thank you all so, so, so much! You’re sweet and supportive comments only inspire me to write more frequently, so please, keep at it and i’ll keep being consistent!

Send me a little comment in the ask section or leave it below on what you thought of this chapter. As usual, I hope you all enjoyed!

AGAIN, remember if you’d like me to continue this series, just leave a little comment or an ask letting me know. I will NOT continue the series if no one wants me to.

Please don’t plagiarize my work - I spend a lot of my time writing, copying and pasting destroys that. If you want to repost my work. please ask first - but even then I might say no.

Pairing: Stiles x McCall!Reader

Based off of: Teen Wolf 01x06 and 01x07

Tag List: @potterheadbbc - @sunsetblake - @mythicalamphitrite - @loverofwaytoomanythings618 - @creamychickenuggets - @mnk - @gazebros- @colie87 - @quilliamfears - @quellum - @pessimisticbullshite - @desired-love-@thinkwritexpress-official - @kaylinfayezink - @maiabiovillage - @tr1chst3r - @arkcangel - @quirkytwinkles - @thegirlwhoimagined - @noones-girl1980 - @illumminated - @fairchild345 - @all-will-be-well-love - @animemes-trash - @starryrevelations - @literallyhelpme - @theskytraveler - @jinandtion1c - @ilovemymoose - @bibliophilesquared - @stilessarcasmqueen - @mersuperwholocked-lowlife - @newtsshelbys - @wyattgoleft - @pancakefancake - @saturno-in-the-night - @pizzamelon7384 - @riskregretting If you’d like to be tagged, just let me know! Any in italics are those Tumblr won’t let me tag!

The sound of murmured talking woke you from your sleep. Blinking, you picked your head up from your pillow, turning it to the left to glance at the clock. It was half past midnight.

What the hell was Scott doing at half past midnight?

You attempted to ignore it, but after everything that’s happened the past few days, not to mention that you’ve barely seen your brother in those past few days, you find it hard to ignore. Your dick of a brother never actually even asked if you were okay after what happened with Jackson in the video store. You wondered if he ever actually would.

“Ugh,” you groan, pushing yourself up and onto your feet with a frown. You quietly open up your bedroom door, careful not to wake up your mother given that she has an early shift in the morning, instead of an late shift, and creep past her bedroom. Though, you can’t help but peek into her bedroom a little, smiling softly to yourself at her sleeping peacefully.

You wonder, in that moment, how she’d react if she knew what Scott was.

Shaking your head, you turn back towards your brothers bedroom, taking the last few steps over to it. You debate on just opening the door, but realize it’s probably better if you knock. So, raising your hand, you do just that, calling out a quiet; “Scott?” in question.

There’s a moment of scuffling before Scott is whisper-yelling back; “busy!”

Your brows furrowed, lips tightening into a straight line. “What the...” You mumble, grabbing a hold of the door knob. “Come on, Scott. I know I heard you-”

The moment you open the door even just a little, a weight is pushed against it, shutting once more. You blink, lips parted in surprise as you glance up at the door, as if imagining you can see right through it and glare at Scott. “Scott?”

“Not the time, Y/N,” he calls back, his voice gruff.

A deeper, almost recognizable voice responds before you even have the chance to; “is that your sister?”

Eyes narrowing in confusion, you hear Scott shush the man before speaking back at you; “just... just go, Y/N. I’ll see you in the morning.”

You open your mouth to argue, but pause, letting go of the door knob and taking a few steps back. You wait, knowing Scott is listening to make sure you’ve left, hoping that if he just doesn’t care that much, you’ll be able to listen in.

“Just let her in,” the deeper voice says again. Your eyes widen, finally able to recognize the voice - that’s Derek. “It’s not like she doesn’t know who-”

“Shh,” Scott snaps again, “she’s still there.”

Frowning, you shake your head, turning around and heading off back into the direction of your bed. Still, you can’t help but wonder what Derek is doing in Scott’s bedroom, and what else Scott is hiding from you.

“The what of who?”

“The beast of Gevaudan,” Allison replies, leaning forward in her seat to turn and look at both you and Lydia. You barely pick up your own head in response, picking at your food distractedly. “Listen. ‘A quadruped wolf-like monster, prowling the Auvergne and south Dordorgne areas of France during the year 1764 and 1767.”

“La Bete killed over a hundred people. Becoming so infamous that the King Louie the fifteenth sent one of his best hunters to try and kill it’.”

“Boring,” Lydia response, shaking her head at Allison.

She only continues; “’Even the church eventually declared the monster a messenger of Satan.’”

“Hmm,” Lydia pauses in thought, “still boring.”

“‘Cryptozoologists believe may have been a subspecies of hoofed predator, possibly a mesonychid.”

“‘Slipping into a coma’ bored.”

“’While others believe it was a powerful sorcerer who could shape-shift into a man-eating monster,’“

“Gotta admit,” you speak up, meeting Lydia’s eyes. “It’s kinda of boring. Does any of this have anything to do with your family?”

“This,” Allison nods, turning back to her book. “‘It is believed that La Bete was finally trapped and killed by a renown hunter who claimed his wife and four children were the first to fall pray to the creature.’“

“And what does that have to do with your family?” You repeat, raising a brow.

Allison’s laughs lightly, blinking up at you; “his name was Argent.”

“Your ancestors killed a big wolf,” Lydia dismisses, shaking her head; “so what?”

“Not just a big wolf,” Allison corrects. Looking down at her book, she flips through a page, before turning it around towards you and Lydia. “Take a look at this picture,” she says, pointing at said photo. Following her lead, you glance at it, trying to understand what she’s getting at. “What does it look like to you guys?”

Leaning forward, you feel your heart race somewhat when you see the same red eyes that you saw that night with Jackson. They’re staring back at you just like they had that night, and the fork in your hand drops with a shaky breath, your eyes widening. It feels like you’ve been staring into that same image for days, stuck in your mind, and it isn’t until Allison sets a hand on your arm do you snap out of your stupor.

You blink, rubbing at your eyes in distress as Lydia answers. “It looks... like a big... wolf.” What you don’t know though, is she was just as scared of the image as you, just in a different way. At least you know, in a realistic sense, what that is. And what that thing was that night at the DVD store. All Lydia is that it’s a werewolf, and up until a few days ago, she probably thought they never existed.

Sending the two of you one last smile, Lydia stands up, picking up her tray, obviously done with the conversation; “see you in history.”

Allison turns into the bench, facing you. She sets down her book, flipping through a few more pages as silence falls over the two of you. As the two of you just sit there, you start picking at your food once again, not really finding the appetite within you to eat it.

You get lost in your thoughts. Thinking back to everything that’s happened, and trying to pinpoint when everything went so wrong.

But what’s really on your mind is last night and why Scott shut you out like that. He’s been doing that a lot recently, and it’s not the first time you and him have been out of tune in a twin sense. It just feels different this time. Feels like he doesn’t trust you enough, or have enough faith in you to tell you everything. And the worst part is Stiles is doing the exact same thing.

“Y/N?”

Blinking, you look up from your food, meeting Allison’s eyes once again; “hmm?”

Her lips curve downwards, a frown befalling her features. “Is everything okay?” Her voice is soft, concerned and for some reason, it takes everything within you not to just spill out the truth. You know you can’t for Scott’s sake. But, oh God, do you want to...

Just to have someone to talk to about it all, that isn’t Scott or Stiles.

“Yeah,” you nod, swallowing thickly. “Yeah, i’m fine.”

“Really?” She questions, raising a brow. “That’s the second time you’ve zoned out. Not to mention you haven’t even taken a bite out of your food. What’s on your mind?”

You hate it, but you can’t help but glance behind yourself, meeting Scott’s eyes from afar. He’s hid some of his face behind a world history book, but you’re still able to meet his eyes.

Sighing, you turn back to Allison; “just a little tired.”

Allison seems unsure and suspicious, obviously not missing the way you glanced Stiles and Scott’s way, but not wanting to push the issue, she shrugs. “If you’re sure.”

Just as you’re about to reply, you are interrupted by Stiles saying; “uh-huh. Oh, yeah,” causing you to turn around in confusion. It catches Allison’s attention as well, and you both watch as Stiles hastily stands up, grabbing his books off the table, as well as the book in Scott’s hands and his backpack.

Making a last minute decision, you follow Stiles lead, standing up yourself and racing after him. You miss the panic that falls over Scott’s face, or the way Allison is calling for his name, too preoccupied with Stiles.

“Stiles!” You call, “wait up!”

He listens, surprisingly, this time, turning to face you. His face softens somewhat at the sight of you, and the moment you reach him, you’re reminded of the awkward tension from the last time the two of you spoke.

Pushing that aside, you plaster a smile on your lips, meeting his gaze. “Where are you going?”

“Uh, actually,” Stiles blinks, looking around the hallway. Your heart falls when you realize he’s about to come up with an excuse.

“Okay, you know what? Never-mind.” Holding up your hands, you shaking your head up at Stiles, taking a few steps backwards. Just as you’re about to turn your back on him and head off though, Stiles grabs a hold of your wrist, halting your movements.

“I’m sorry,” he shakes his head. “I’m about to try and teach Scott how to control his powers before Derek’s able to. We’re about to go to the lacrosse field.”

A genuine smile falls on your lips, “i’ll come.”

“What is Y/N doing here?”

“Y/N is here to help you,” you answer for Stiles, sending your brother a cold smile. “And she’s not leaving.”

Scott blinks at you, glancing at Stiles who only shrugs, before meeting your eyes again. He opens his lips to argue, but one look at your face and he knows now isn’t the time.

Once that’s dealt with, Stiles butts in; “okay,” he nods, setting down the duffel bag and lacrosse stick onto one of the benches of the bleachers. Taking a seat himself, he reaches into the bag, pulling something out; “now... put this on.”

Handing it over to Scott, said boy hesitantly grabs a hold of it. “Isn’t this one of the heart rate monitors for the track team?”

“Yeah,” Stiles nods, “I borrowed it.”

You take a step forward, taking a seat next to Stiles and in front of Scott, setting your hands in your lap. Turning to Stiles, you send him a pitiful smile; “stole it.”

“Temporarily misappropriated,” Stiles corrects, before turning his attention back on Scott. “Coach uses it to monitor his heart rate with his phone while he jogs, and you’re gonna wear it for the rest of the day.”

“Isn’t that coaches phone?” Scott asks, brows furrowed.

“That, I stole.”

Shaking your head, you can’t but ask; “why?”

“All right, well, your heart rate goes up when you go wolf, right?” Stiles asks, to which Scott confirms. “When you’re playing lacrosse, when you’re with Allison, whenever you get angry. Maybe learning to control it is tied to learning to control your heart rate.”

Woah, you think, that’s actually pretty good.

“Like the Incredible Hulk,” Scott smiles.

“Kinda like the Incredible Hulk, yeah.”

“No,” Scott mumbles, “i’m like the Incredible Hulk.”

“Just shut up and put the strap on,” you grumble, shaking your head.

“This isn’t exactly how I wanted to spend my free period,” Scott mumbles, glancing behind his shoulder with his hands tied behind his back. You can’t help but laugh a little, biting your lip as Stiles only ignores him, picking up the duffel bag and backing away from Scott.

“All right,” Stiles calls, “you ready?”

“No,” Scott sighs.

“Remember,” you call, raising your voice as you grin widely. You are definitely enjoying this. “Don’t get angry!”

Stiles drops the duffel bag next to you, leaning down to turn on the heart rate app that coach uses.

“I’m starting to think this was a really bad idea,” Scott mumbles to himself, staring at the two of you worried. Stiles doesn’t seem to really care as he picks up the lacrosse stick, scooping one of the balls he’d place before him into the net and swinging his arm back. With aim you didn’t even know the boy had, he manages to hit Scott directly in the stomach, groaning loudly.

Stiles giggles to himself, repeating the process again and landing a hit on Scott’s chest. He sends him stumbling back, another loud groan leaving his lips. Without even giving him time to collect himself, Stiles does it again, throwing it a little bit harder this time.

“Okay,” Scott huffs, “that one... kind of hurt.”

“Quiet,” Stiles dismisses. “Remember, you’re suppose to be thinking about your heart rate, okay? Thinking about staying calm.”

Scott nods, bouncing on his feet; “staying calm. Staying totally calm. There’s not balls flying at my fac-”

You let out a chuckle, holding your hands by your lips as Stiles manages to hit Scott right on the cheek. Stiles turns to you then, a wide grin on his face, extending the lacrosse stick over to you; “wanna hit?”

“I’d love one,” you grin, stepping forward and taking the lacrosse stick out of Stiles hands. Scooping the ball into the net, you grin up at Scott who groans loudly once again.

“Really?” He whines, “you too, Y/N?”

You don’t reply, only shake your head before swinging your arm back and hitting him directly in the shoulder. He stumbles back, losing his footing as Stiles turns to you, high-fiving you.

You do it once more, hitting Scott at the top of the head, before shaking your head with a soft chuckle. “I better hand it back to you before I really hurt him,” you mumble to Stiles, sending him a grin.

Taking the lacrosse stick from you, Stiles wastes no time in continuing.

“Oh!” Scott cries, “son of a bitch!”

“You know what?” Stiles calls aloud, “I think my aim is actually improving.”

“I’d agree,” you laugh, smirking.

“Wonder why,” Scott snaps, and in response you hear the heart rate beep in response.

“Hey, hey,” you call, “don’t get angry.”

“I’m not getting angry.”

A few hard hits later, you can tell Scott’s starting to get increasingly annoyed and you imagine, sore.

“Stop,” he calls, but Stiles doesn’t listen. “Just wait. Wait, just hold on.”

The last hit sends to Scott to his knees, and your eyes widen when he never picks up his head. It’s then that you notice the phone beeping loudly and increasingly fast, causing you and Stiles to crouch down and look at it. Sure enough, Scott’s heart is racing madly.

“Scott?” Stiles calls, voice soft with hesitancy.

You flinch when Scott rips the duct tape holding his wrists together, gripping the grass beneath him. His chest is rising and falling rapidly, and you feel your own heart increase in panic.

Then, after a terrifying moment later, Scott’s heart begins to slow down.

Glancing over at Stiles, you both silently agree to head over to Scott, creeping forward. Stiles extends his hand forward, setting it on Scott’s shoulder before said boy rolls over.

“Scott,” you whisper, “you started to change.”

“My anger,” he breathes, “but it was more than that. It was like, the angrier I got, the stronger I felt.”

“So, it is anger, then. Derek’s right.”

Letting out a heavy exhale, Scott shakes his head; “I can’t be around Allison.”

“Just because she makes you happy?” You question, confused.

“No, because she makes me weak.”

A sudden pounding on your door pulled your attention away from your homework. Blinking, you glanced up from your position at the kitchen table, turning your head around to glance at the front door. It was a little past ten o’clock. Who the hell was here at ten’o’clock?

The knocking only continued, growing a tad bit more urgent the more you left it.

Sighing, you pushed yourself up to your feet, heading to the front door. “I’ll get it!” You called, Melissa replying with an ‘okay’ in response. Continuing your way over to the front door, you unlocked it with another sigh before pulling open the door. You’re not sure what you expected, but Allison and Jackson definitely wasn’t it.

“Hello?” You mumble, raising a brow.

“Hey,” Allison smiles, leaning in past Jackson. Although she’s smiling, you can tell there’s something behind the lids of her eyes. “Is Scott here?”

“Shouldn’t he be on a date with you?” You question, cocking your hip out.

“Precisely why we are here,” Jackson speaks up, rolling his eyes. “He isn’t home?”

“Nope,” you shake your head, shrugging, “haven’t seen him since school.”

Allison is about to reply before her phone going off interrupts her. She sends both you and Jackson a confused glance, before pulling it out of her back pocket and switching it on. You turn to Jackson as you wait, somewhat unsure of what to do.

Then, Allison’s sliding her phone back into her pocket and turning to Jackson; “we’re going to the school.”

“Wait,” Jackson blinks, shaking his head. “Why?”

“Come on,” she urges, ignoring Jackson’s question, before turning to you. “You too, Y/N.”

You hesitate a moment, glancing back in the direction of your homework before looking back at your two friends before you. Shrugging, you lean over to the coat hook, grabbing your jacket; “anything’s better than homework.”

A short drive later, and you’re at the school.

You wait for Jackson to step out, pulling the seat forward so Allison, then you, can crawl out of the back seat. The moment you’re on your feet, you turn to the school, raising a brow.

“What’re we doing here anyway?” Jackson asks, shoulders dropping with defeat.

Glancing down at her phone, Allison pauses a moment before flipping her phone screen to you and Jackson. “All I got was this.” Leaning forward, you read the text Scott apparently sent to Allison.

Meet me at the school. URGENT.

Furrowing your brows, you lean back, glancing up at the school once more. That seems a bit odd.

“They lock the doors at night, you know?” Lydia reminds, glancing up at the three of you through the drivers window.

“That ones open,” Allison calls, pointing forward before stepping past you and Jackson and heading over. You glance at Jackson one final time, before the two of you follow after Allison.

“You don’t need me to state the obvious, right?” Jackson questions, halting Allison as she turns around to look at the both of you. You can’t help but bite your lips at his words, glancing at the opened door in worry.

“That it looks like they broke into the school?” Allison responds, shaking her head. “No, pretty obvious.”

“Want me to come with you?” Jackson offers, and you turn to him in confusion. That was oddly chivalrous. Jackson was nice to a very few selected people. Somehow you managed to fall into that category, and up until now, you thought Allison hadn’t been apart of it.

Shaking her head, Allison crosses her arm over her chest. “Mm, it’s okay.”

“Well, i’m coming with you,” you butt in, stepping past Allison to head up the stairs. You hear Jackson call after Allison, and choosing to ignore him, you continue to make your way up the steps and over to the opened entrance, crossing your arms over your chest in nervousness.

“Y/N.”

Jumping a little, you spin your head around, setting a hand against your chest. “Jesus,” you breathe, sending Allison a small smile. “You scared me half to death.”

Flashing the light onto her face, Allison laughs; “boo.”

Shaking your head, you snatch the flashlight from her hands, walking through the door. “Let’s go.”

“It’s cold in here,” you whisper, tensing up in the arms.

Allison mumbles in agreement, continuing to look around the pool in concern. You can’t help but do the same. You have no idea exactly what happened here or why Scott and you’re guessing Stiles are here, and you can’t even begin to think why. But you know it has to do with something supernatural. And along with you being concerned with their safety, you can’t help but worry what you just walked into.

The both of you jump once Allison’s phones ring, you nearly dropping the flashlight in response.

“Answer it,” you urge after a moment of Allison just staring at it.

“It’s Lydia.”

You nod, turning around to continuing looking around as she starts speaking.

“Hello,” you hear her respond. “Yeah, we can’t seem to find them.” Another moment of silence. “Okay, give us a second and we’ll be there.”

Turning to you, Allison nods; “we have to head back in a minute.”

“Sounds good,” you smile.

The two of you are once again interrupted by the sound of Allison’s phone ringing. If you were confused before, you are absolutely baffled now. Turning to Allison, you raise your brow, silently asking who it is.

“Stiles,” she mumbles, brows furrowing.

“What?”

Answering her phone, Allison presses her phone against her ear; “Stiles?”

You don’t hear what he says in response, but a moment later Allison replies; “we’re in the school looking for you, why weren’t you at my place?”

Once again, you don’t know what is said in response, but you take the few short steps over to Allison, curious.

“With Y/N on the first floor.”

Allison’s eyes widen and she glances around herself; “the swimming pools.”

Allison grabs a hold of your wrist, causing you to look up at her concern. “Okay, okay,” she replies, “we’re coming.” Suddenly, you’re being pulled forward by the wrist, nearly stumbling over your own feet.

“Wait, where are we going!”

“Why did you come? What are you doing here?”

Blinking, you slow to a stop next to Allison, glancing at both Stiles and Scott in bafflement.

“Because you asked me to.”

Scott’s face scrunches up in confusion; “I asked you to?”

“You texted her,” you mumble, shrugging your shoulders.

Both Scott and Stiles reel over to you; “and you. What are you doing here, Y/N?”

“Allison came to our house searching for you,” you explain, narrowing your eyes. “Then you texted her. Obviously, I came along.”

“Okay,” Stiles suddenly speaks, holding up his hands by his head. “What text?”

Turning to Allison, you patiently wait for her to pull up the text message on her phone before flipping it around for Scott and Stiles to see. You feel your heart drop though when Scott glances up at the two of you, lips parted.

“Why do I get the feeling you didn’t send this message?”

“Because I didn’t.”

“Did you drive here?” Stiles asks, stepping forward.

“Jackson did,” you shrug.

Scott steps back in panic, turning to Stiles in alarm; “Jackson’s here too?”

“And Lydia,” Allison adds, raising her voice. “What’s going on? Who sent this text?” As Allison speaks, her phone starts ringing once again, causing her to trail with her words, answering it. “Where are you?”

As soon as Allison finishes speaking, the sound of a door opening quickly echoes. You spin around, meeting Lydia and Jackson’s gaze. Rushing over to you, Lydia shoves her phone into her purse, breathing out; “finally. Can we go now?”

You nod, falling by Stiles side.

A second later, a loud thud echoes from over your heads. Without thinking, you shuffle closer to Stiles, feeling your heart rate start to pick up.

You’re not sure what’s happening, all you know that it’s bad. But then, Scott’s turning his head to face you all, and his eyes are wide with panic. Then,

“Run!”

You don’t dare glance behind yourself, nearly stumbling over your feet as the six of you start sprinting forwards. Whatever it is, you can tell that it isn’t human by the loud thuds and inhuman growls that leave the creatures lips. You make sure not to leave Stiles side, feeling your entire body tense with panic.

The lot of you burst through a set of doors, and the moment you’re all through, Scott wastes no time shutting and locking them behind you.

Feeling your heart pound against your chest, your breath rapid and uneven, you pace inside the classroom, fists clenched in distress.

“Help me get this in front of the door,” you hear Scott bellow to Jackson, referring to the teachers desk.

“Wait, no,” Stiles calls, bringing your attention on him. “Not here.”

“Scott,” Allison cries, “what was that?”

“What came out of the ceiling!”

“Will you just help me?” Scott screams in response, voice raw.

You hesitate, focused on Stiles who is desperately trying to get everyone to listen to him. “Guys... Can we just wait a second? You guys, listen to me, w-- Can we wait a second? Guys? Stiles talking.”

No one but you listens as the four of them continue to barricade the door to the extreme.

“Hello!” You call, shaking your head in distress. “Guys! Listen!”

They fail to listen to you either, and turning to Stiles, you hear him huff before taking a step forward; “hello!”

The four of them snap to the two of you, Stiles’s shoulders falling in defeat. “Okay, nice work.” He huffs, “really beautiful job, everyone. Now, what should we do about the twenty foot wall of windows?” And to add to his point, Stiles side steps, gesturing to said windows.

Rubbing your hands against your face, you sigh; “idiots...”

“Can someone please explain to me what is going on?” Allison cries, latching onto Scott’s arm. “Because i’m freaking out here. And I would like to know why.” Scott only stares back at her in response, lips parting in uncertainty. “Scott?”

He only rips his arm from her gasp, stepping forward before slumping against one of the desks.

Shaking your head, you pace on the spot. This is so not the time to be keeping secrets Allison, if the group of three completely freaked out and scared people, and you, are anything to go by. And yet, both Stiles and Scott refrain from giving the four of you any answers.

Scott just remains silent, and with a groan of frustration, you turn to Stiles. “Is anyone going to answer us? Because i’d really like to know what’s going on myself.”

Stiles looks at you, body still, before he takes a deep breath, stepping forward. “Somebody killed the janitor.”

“What?”

“Yeah,” he nods, “the janitors dead.”

Allison attempts at a smile, hoping it’s all some sort of sick joke. “What is he talking about? Is this a joke?”

“Wha-,” Jackson stammers, “who killed him?”

“Non, no, no, no. This was supposed to be over,” Lydia panics, eyes wide with fear. “The mountain li-”

“Don’t you get it,” Jackson interrupts. “There wasn’t a mountain lion.”

“Who was it?” You screeched, “what does he want?”

Fumbling, Allison’s whispers; “what’s happening?”

All the while, Scott keeps his back turned to the five of you, silent. A bout of anger floods your entire being at his lack of response. Can’t he ever just answer you? Tell you something?

“Scott!”

“I-I don’t know,” Scott stammers, finally answering and turning around to face you all. “I-I just... If we go out there, he’s... he’s gonna kill us.”

“Us?” Lydia screeches, “he’s gonna kills us?”

“Who?” Allison repeats, turning to Stiles when she knows Scott won’t answer her. “Who is it?”

Stiles only turns to Scott, seemingly waiting for him to answer. During the moment of silence, you inch closer to Stiles, touching his arm in an attempt to get an answer out of him. He only keeps his eyes trained on Scott, willing him to answer the question he apparently doesn’t have answers for.

“Derek,” Scott suddenly calls, “it’s Derek Hale.”

What?

“Derek killed the janitor?”

“Wha... Are you sure?”

“I saw him,” Scott admits.

“The mountain li-”

“All of them?” Allison interrupts Lydia.

“Yeah,” Scott nods, “starting with his own sister.”

“The bus driver?”

“And the guy in the video store,” Scott confirms, and you furrow your brows. That doesn’t make any sense. You were there in the video store. That couldn’t have been Derek. “It’s been Derek the whole time. He’s in here with us.”

“No,” you whisper under your breath, shaking your head. “That isn’t right.”

You feel Stiles’s eyes fall on you, and you snap your own to his, pushing for answers. You receive none.

Only silence follows your words, before Scott straightens his back; “and if we don’t get out now...” He turns, facing the five of you. “He’s going to kill us too.”

“Call the cops.”

“No,” Stiles responds, not even turning to face Jackson.

“Wh-What do you mean no?” Jackson huffs in response, shaking his hand out at Stiles.

“I mean no,” Stiles repeats. “You wanna hear it in spanish? No.” He finishes off with a slight accent before continuing. “Look, Derek killed three people, okay? We don’t know what he’s armed with.”

There’s a moment of silence before Jackson continues; “your dad is armed with an entire sheriff’s department. Call him.”

“I’m calling,” Lydia says, stepping forward with her phone in her hand. Stiles is quick to leave your side, rushing after her. “No, Lydia, would you just hold on a second.” Before he can reach her though, Jackson steps forward, grabbing a hold of Stiles by the shirt and pushing him back.

“Hey,” you call, affronted, as you step forward, pulling Jackson’s grip off of Stiles. He sends you a narrowed look, to which you respond with one of your own, crossing your arms over your chest.

“Yes,” you hear Lydia, pulling your attention off of Jackson and onto her. “We’re at Beacon Hills high school. We’re trapped, and we need you to--” Her words suddenly halt, causing you to furrow your brows in response. “But--” Pulling the phone away from her ear, Lydia glances down at her phone, stunned. “She hung up on me.”

“The police hung up on you?” You question, doubting her words.

“She said they got a tip warning them that there are gonna be prank calls about a break-in to the high school,” Lydia explains, voice pitched with panic. “She said if I called again that they’re gonna trace it and have me arrested.”

“Okay,” Allison urges, “then call again!”

“No,” Stiles sighs, “they won’t trace a cell. Then they’ll send a car to your house before they send anyone here.”

“What the-” Allison stammers, shaking her head. “What-- What is this? Why does Derek wanna kill us? Why is he killing anyone?”

“That’s what i’d like to know,” you mumble under your breath.

After another moment of silence, everyone’s eyes falls on Scott’s who’s own widen in response. “Why’s everyone looking at me?”

“Is he the one that sent her the text?” Lydia questions, referring to the message Allison received early.

“No,” Scott panics, “I mean, I don’t know.”

“Is he the one who called the police?” Allison adds.

“I don’t know!”

“Alright,” Stiles interrupts, easing the tension. “Why don’t we ease back on the throb, yeah?” Setting his hands on Scott’s shoulders, Stiles gently guides the boy back. You glance back at Jackson, Allison and Lydia, before following after the two them, eyes narrowed.

Once the three of you are far away in enough, you glare at them; “the two of you better explain to me what the hell is going on,” you whisper angrily. “Because you both know I know it wasn’t Derek.”

“It’s Scott’s beta,” Stiles quickly explains to you, “Derek... Derek’s dead...”

“Jesus...” You breathe, setting your head in your hands.

“We think he’s dead,” Scott corrects.

“Oh, that reminds me,” Stiles suddenly snaps, reeling around to face Scott. “Good job throwing Derek under the bus. Nicely done.”

“I didn’t know what else to say,” Scott replies, voice urgent. “I had to say something! And if he’s dead, then... it-it doesn’t matter, right? E-Except if he’s not,” sighing, Scott shakes his head. “I totally just bit her head off.”

“And she’ll totally get over it,” you huff, shaking your head up at Scott. Is that really what he’s worrying about right now? Getting mad at Allison when your lives are in danger? “Bigger issues at hand here, like how do we get out alive?”

Scott turns to you, eyes wide; “but we are alive. It could’ve killed us already. It’s like it’s corning us or something.”

“So what?” Stiles murmurs, “he wants to eat us all at the same time?”

“No! Derek said it wants revenge.”

“Against who?” You ask, shrugging your shoulders.

Pausing in thought, Scott offers; “Allison’s family?”

Stiles lips part, as your eyes widen. “Maybe that’s what the text was about.” Scott tilts his head, silently asking Stiles to clarify. “Someone had to send it.”

“Okay, okay,” Jackson interrupts, pulling your gazes on him. “New plan. Stiles calls his useless dad and tells him to send someone with a gun and decent aim. Are we good with that?”

Glancing back and forth between Stiles and Jackson, you sigh. It’s pretty obvious Stiles doesn’t want to get his dad involved less he get hurt, but Jackson is right. You can’t just sit here waiting for Derek to burst through this windows or somehow break down the barricade.

“He’s right,” Scott boomed, “tell him the truth if you have to, just call him.”

Staring at Scott with a dumbfounded expression, Stiles shakes his head; “i’m not watching my dad get eaten alive.” He shrugs, stepping past you and Scott. You flinch though when Jackson lunges forward, grabbing a hold of Stiles’s shoulder.

“Alright, give me the phone.”

Your eyes widen in disbelief when Stiles reels around, punching Jackson directly in the cheek, causing the boy to go stumbling back, losing his footing.

“Jackson!” Allison cries, running up to the boy. “Are you okay? Hey, are you okay?” She glances back at Stiles, lips parted in disbelief. You can’t help but do the same. Though you don’t necessarily blame Stiles, you would’ve never expected him to do that.

At the glances he receives, Stiles huffs, pulling out his phone and calling his dad. You wait a moment, Stiles eventually saying; “dad, hey, it’s me. And it’s your voicemail. Look, I need you to call me back now. Like, right now.”

You jump, head reeling around to face the door as a loud banging echoes. It only continues, becoming more rapid and sporadic by the second. Everyone backs up in response, and you find yourself in between both Scott and Stiles as the latter continues speaking; “we’re at the school, okay? We’re at the school.”

Your eyes widen when you see the barricade failing.

“Oh, my God. Oh, my God.”

“The kitchen,” Stiles suddenly says, “the kitchen suddenly leads to the stairwell.”

“Which only goes up!”

“Up is better than here.”

“I’m getting the key.”

Eyes widening, you whip around to face your brother, already knowing that that’s a terrible idea.

“Are you serious?” Allison breathes, voice quiet with uncertainty.

“Well,” Scott swallows thickly, “it’s the best plan. We wanna get out of here.”

“You can’t go out there unarmed,” Allison whispers urgently in response.

Scott hesitates a moment, glancing around for something he can use. Grabbing one of the pointer sticks that teacher’s use, he faces everyone else. Like you, everyone’s heads fall. This is such a bad idea.

“Well, it’s better than nothing.”

Shaking your head, you take a step forward; “there’s gotta be something else.”

“There is,” Lydia replies, causing you to turn to her. Tilting her forward, she gestures to something, the five of you taking a moment before you turn your heads to the chemistry lab cabinet.

“What are we gonna do?” Stiles blurts, “throw acid on him?”

“No,” Lydia snaps, “like a fire bomb. Everything you need is in there to make a self-igniting molotov cocktail.”

“Self-igniting--”

“--Molotov cocktail.”

Another moment of silence passes, everyone staring at Lydia in disbelief.

“What?” She questions in response, breath spiking. “I read it somewhere.”

“We don’t have a key for that either,” Stiles reminds.

Huffing, Jackson rolls his eyes, slamming his elbow into the glass of the cabinet, breaking it.

“Well, looks like we’re doing it.”

“All right, can we not argue for half a second here?”

“Where’s Scott?” Allison sniffles, pacing on the spot. “He should be back by now.”

“Shes’ right,” you huff, biting your lip worriedly. As soon as you finish speaking, there’s the slightest sound of the lock clicking, causing you to turn around. Just as you’re about to step forward, Allison pushes past you, slamming her fist on the door; “Scott. Scott! Scott!”

Shaking your head, you back up, utterly confused as to why Allison can’t get the door open. What did Scott do?

“Stop,” Lydia mumbles, Allison not hearing her. “Stop!” Halting, Allison whips around to face Lydia, eyes wide. “Do you hear that?” Furrowing your breath, you listen closely. “Listen.”

Police sirens... faint, but they’re there.

Rushing forward, the five of you crowd around one window, a breath of relief leaving your lips when you see a police car pull up next to Stiles’s jeep, followed by another.

“I’m okay. Thank you, Mr. Stilinski.”

Said man sends you a bright smile, though a tired one, nodding his head. “You two have a good night. Stay safe.”

Scott smiles, while you turn your attention on Stiles, sending him a wave and a small smile. He replies with the same, and then you’re leaning back, watching the Sheriff’s car drive away.

The moment the car’s gone, you turn around, without even batting Scott a look, intent on making it inside as quick as possible. You’re stopped, though, by Scott’s hand falling on your arm, halting your movements. You pause a moment before turning to face him, taking a deep breath to calm your nerves.

“Y/N-”

“Don’t,” you breathe, glancing down at your feet. “Just don’t.”

“Just let me expl-”

“So you can lie?” You cry, turning around to face him. You hate it, but you can’t help the way your eyes water in response, every emotion that you’ve been keeping buried and hidden all tumbling over the surface. “Or, rather, just not tell me the whole truth?”

Scott looks confused, distress. You know that Allison just broke up with him, it was pretty obvious by the way he got into the car earlier. And maybe this isn’t the time to be dumping all of your frustrations on him. But you can’t keep it hidden anymore. You can’t keep pretending like everything’s okay.

“Please,” Scott whispers, voice desperate. “Just let me explain. Everything.”

“No,” you repeat, putting emphasis on the word. “You act like i’m incapable of helping you. That i’m not good enough to help you. And yet, i’m always there. Always doing my best. I’m your sister, Scott, but lately, it feels like i’m nothing to you.”

A tear falls past your defenses, one you hastily wipe away at.

Scott doesn’t respond. Instead, his lips remained part, eyes wide with distress.

Sighing, you let your shoulders drop; “we better get inside. Mom’s probably worried sick.”

And without another word, you turn, heading up the steps to your front door.

let me know what you thought? remember, reblogging always helps!

i sort of struggled writing this chapter, so i hope it’s enjoyable nonetheless!

861 notes · View notes

spectralmagpie · 5 years

Text

Beat the Heat

Sooooooooooo here’s my Troy Calypso/OFC smut trash. not tagging n to the s to the f to the w because Tumblr has been hiding that material but it’s that. So here it is nearly 4k of Calypso goodness.

She had hoped the blistering heat and the drenching humidity of the cursed weather would give way to cool evening air as the desert-like climate was sometime know to do. However the hellscape had decided to move from blistering to stifling instead; and the rising moon on the edge of the darkening sky brought little solace that the rest of the night would be bearable by any means.

She had meant to leave the Zealots (she doubted they would take kindly to her labeling) and their worshipers earlier in the day, but her runner had overheated two days before and she doubted, despite repairs that the scraped together albeit peppy mess would take kindly to the weather. She wasn’t keen on breaking down in the middle of the desert, so she lingered about, twiddling her thumbs and hoping that none of the rabble would touch her recently acquired Eridium and mods.

The twins had been kind enough to allow her a blessed shower under the chilling water of the in ground piping the cobbled together...fortress? Stronghold? shanty town? She wasn’t even sure what to call the place they had built up from the dusty dry earth of the wasteland. Either was she didn’t have to worry about finding some mucked up, tepid puddle in the desert to wash off in while she was here. Her mouth nearly watered at the memory of the cold water against her warm tawny skin, now that had been a gift from the Gods. The relief had been short lived however, it only took a matter of minutes for the coolness to evaporate from her skin and by the time she had put her clothes back on sweat had already started to clingy and prick at her.

Grumbling she wipes her brow against her forearm and shifted slightly from her sprawled out position on the metal balcony. She winces as she moves, the skin on her stomach velcroing to the metal beneath her with sweat; her discomfort and frustration mounting. She slugs closer to the edge of her vantage point, getting a better look at the grounds below.

A few followers mosey about, why they dared to in the heat she doesn’t know, but then again they were in a cult so they probably weren’t quite right to begin with. She wonders if she had a slingshot if she could pelt them with pebbles with them being none the wiser; ah her youth was calling.

Sighing she dips her arms through the bars of her lofty perch and swung them, the sweat cooling on her heated skin, the air weaving through her fingertips a nice sensation, and for the first time today she feels her weather induced agitation dwindle.

They really had built something quite fantastical, the twins she couldn’t deny that. She couldn’t remember if she had ever told them or not, though she’s fairly certain Troy would have brought it up on the regular if she had. They built this up out of the sand the dirt, a walled testament to their strength and fortitude.

She’d been lucky they had trusted her enough to finally let her come and go as she pleased; though that had taken months...on top of the months it had taken for her to convince them to let her in at all. Having Hyperion stamped on the hull of your transport wasn’t exactly something that screamed trustworthy, she really need to get that thing painted.

She tracks a follower with her fingers, a mock gun with her index and thumb, making a cocking sounds and then a ‘ka-coom’. The man waddles into one of the building none the wiser of her folderol.

“Boom headshot.” she blew the imaginary smoke from her finger.

They had a good thing going, a well oiled machine, and that was rare to come by out here. They gave he access to their neat weapons tech and if she was lucky, Eridium (that took a lot of convincing that she wasn’t a vault hunter) and she brought them in supplies that they wouldn’t be able to get otherwise. The last haul had been some sweet ATLAS tech that she had managed to get her hands on through some of her backdoor dealings; that had scored her some nice Eridium bars and mods as payment.

Honestly being a transporter wasn’t that bad, aside from the occasional run in with bounty hunters and the like, though compared to other outlaws and vault hunters she was a small fish. Still that didn’t stop her from tacking up her first wanted poster over the dashboard of her runner when she saw it posted at some backwater station. Troy had laughed at that, mostly because her bounty was only a few thousand over 10k credits. Still the thrill that ran through her when she saw it the first time.

“Should I get like a spatula or something?”

She turns to look over her shoulder to see Tyreen staring back in her looking rather amused. The Calypso Siren had forgone a good deal of her usual layering, a combination of the heat and a lazy summer night in.

“You might, I feel like a fucking egg.” she whines, propping her chin up in her hand. “Why did you guys insist on building in this place, uugghhh.”

“You seem to spend an awful lot of time here for all the complaining that you do.” Tyreen laughs, placing a hand on her hip and cocking her brow.

She rolls over, propping herself up on her elbows and crinkles her nose at the other woman.

“You guys have some good stuff.”

“I’m sure that’s the only reason.” Tyreen’s eyes are sharp, daring, but mirth lay dancing in the corner of her gaze.

“Ugggghhhh.” She collapses on her back, kicking out her feet, the metal of her heels making an awful grating sound against the metal below her as she squirms.

“Ah yes, I see you are very adult.” the Siren mocks.

She reaches for her goggles that had slipped from her forehead to her neck and pulls them taut, stretching the elastic as she arches her back and continues her mock tantrum.

“I have a Master’s degreeeeeeeeee.” she whines. Tyreen guffaws.

“I can totally tell.”

She continues her little pout and writhe mostly for show and earns a ‘tsk.’

“Don’t roll off the edge Master’s degree.”

She can hear the retreating footsteps of the other woman’s heels and she slowly lays still on the balcony, realizing that her childish display only made her more sweaty and uncomfortable from the exertion.

“Fuck this.” she grits heaving herself up into a sitting position and wildly began ripping at her clothing. The buttons on her vest slipping against her clammy fingers; when that was off, her shirt manages to get caught on her chin and goggles, pulling her hair and not in a good way. She knew her frustration was only making her job more difficult but as each article refused to come off willingly she just fought against it more.

Finally just down to her undergarments she paused briefly, weighing the situation. Honestly, at this point in her life she didn’t care who saw her bare ass and it wasn’t like the followers were allowed in this area of the sanctum. Off came her discolored bra, only she removed it with such zeal it slung-shot from her hands and over the railing. She paused...well someone below will have a nice souvenir.

Finally she pulls down her panties (ugh she hated that word) only to have the band get stuck in the tight metal just below the couplings of her her metal legs...not the first time this had happened, but one would think you would learn after so many years of having prosthetic limbs below the knee. After a moment of fiddling she flusters and tugs, ripping them completely and tossing the ruined material aside.

Great now she had no underwear.

The thought didn’t plague her for long as she almost aggressively rolled over, sprawling along the balcony. A shaky, satisfied groan escaped her lips as the cold metal kissed her bare skin. This was the most comfortable she had felt all day...well aside from the shower.

Sighing she folded her arms and rests her head against them, allowing herself to enjoy the feeling of freedom and heat relief. Every so often she’d shift, only slightly, like she did when she was a child on hot night, searching out cool untouched sheets as she lay in bed.

The night was surprisingly still here, despite the number of residences and wildlife outside the walls, and she lay content, enjoying it all. So content that she hadn’t heard the heavy footsteps approaching.

There was a sudden weight on the back of her thighs and then narrow, clothed hips against her ass, she could feel his belt buckle digging into the meat of one of her cheeks. Out of the corner of her eyes she saw the massive metal hand brace itself beside her and she could feel his heat radiating off him...she groaned, she had just escaped some of the stifling temperature and here he was with his big stupid body crowding her in.

His hair tickles her spine before she felt the tip of his nose brushes between her shoulder blades, slowly moving upwards, she could feel the ghost of his lips against her neck; he hums lowly.

She can smell him; dust; like electronics after heavy us; salt and machine oil; she had to admit, at least to her it was a heady smell, and she can’t help but talk a deep breath through her nose.

“Troy.” she turns her head, resting her cheek against her folded arms but doesn’t bother to glance at him.

“Mena.” there a smile in his voice and it’s smug. He leans close nipping at her ear.

Normally she would very much welcome his close proximity, but he was already generating so much heat. At least from what she could tell in her current position he was wearing his usual jacket but still.

“Ugh too hot.” she grunts at him.

“Mmmmm being a flatterer? Why thank you.” he coos in her ear.

“Oh my goooooood.” she can feel her eyes wanting to roll.

“And the compliments keep coming.” he is so smug.

At this her eyes open and she hoists herself up onto her elbows, he gives her some breathing room but not much.

“I’m going to wring that long handsome neck of yours.” she bites back.

“Oooo didn’t know it was that kind of night.” she feels him playfully cant his hips against her backside.

“Has anyone ever told you, you’re a smug ass?” she ask looking over her shoulder at him.

“Mmmmm most don’t get the chance, aside from Tyreen.” she can feel his flesh and blood hand smooth up the her side; calloused fingertips coming to press against her ribs.“I can leave you to your weird rolling about under the moonlight if you like.”

She grumbles at his teasing but presses her ass back against his pelvis; she could already feel the outline of him through the worn material.

“I could continue my roll around...with company.” she feels him twitch and harden further; with all his bravado, he certainly riled up easily.

The chuckle he makes comes out as more of a breathy sound and he leans in again, nuzzling into the crook of her neck, nose against her skin as he take a deep inhale.

“I can’t smell very good.” she says but tilts her head to the side for him nonetheless.

He growls in the back of his throat and laves a long wet line across her skin; his hand slipping from her ribs to her hip.

She wonders if this position might be a bit difficult for him, he’s all encompassing, all lean, hard lines and ridiculously tall...and she...she’s compact...probably no taller than his sibling maybe even slightly shorter. If someone was to walk passed she doubted they would even notice she was underneath him.

She snorts at the idea of someone thinking that Tory would just be writhing on the ground for no reason other than just to writhe.

The sound obviously caught his attention because, his hand was suddenly pressing against her throat and his lips at her ear.

“Something distracting you?” his voice is low and she has to stop herself from swooning.

“Mmmm just thinking of something funny.” it sounds bratty and she knows it.

His fingers twitch against her throat and a breathy hiccup escapes from her; can’t play coy forever, especially not with him.

“Let’s get your mind off that, and on to something else.” His hips grind down against her ass and her mouth practically waters at the feeling of him; she doesn’t know how he still has his pants on.

She turns her head slightly to nip at his jaw.

“And by on something else you mean your dick.” she enunciates the ‘k’ with a harsh bite against his heated skin.

“So goddamn crass!” he scolds, though out of the corner of her eye she can the amused, feral slant tugging at his lips.

“What can I say, I call it like I see it.” She arches back against him and he curls into her.

Her ears pick up the sound of his metal arm, scraping against the ground beside her and then he growls.

“Enough talk.” She knows he’s in command and she lets the shiver of anticipation run the length of her body, head to...well if one was counting only the fleshy bits, head to knees. But hell he even made her prosthetics feel like they were shivering.

His flesh and blood hand moves from her neck, fingers brush against her flank before she hears him start to fumble with his belt buckle. She can feel it then, cold and unyielding; his metal arm coming in closer and caging her in. Leaning further against the mechanical construct he takes the hint; multi tasking as he brings the overly large fingertips to her lips.

She never hid how much she liked his prosthetics; with prosthetics of her own and a previous, illustrious ...but brief career with Hyperion working with robotics and weaponry it was hard not to like it. Or at the very least admire.

Cool metal pressed against her lips and slowly she pulls one of the long digits into her mouth sighing around it as her tongue presses into it. Troy let out an animalistic snarl; he doesn’t have sensation in the appendage but she knows how much he relishes the sight of her enjoying him.

When she feels him tug his pants down and press himself full against her she moan and bites at the metal in her mouth. His hot puffs of breath fan against the side of her face and neck as he begins to lazily roll his hips against her; she presses back eagerly unashamed of her desire for him.

She told him every so often; not enough to over inflate his ego further than it already was; he was handsome, devilishly so...how ironic he was was being worshiped like a God.

The scrap of his teeth along her jaw, drags her somewhat out of her haze and then his fingers are moving from her mouth until they are flexing around her neck. The hand and attached digits are so large they won’t fit comfortably around her throat, so he holds her in place with his index, middle and thumb.

“I thought I was going to wring your neck.” she breathes out, the metal hold tightens against her skin and she mewls, her ass pressing against his straining length.

“I wonder how much you would let me do with this…” he coos lowly, flexing the fingers again.

“I’m adventurous, I’ll try anything once.” she manages to reply, though her voice is shaky and needy. Oh she definitely would try anything with him once.

He chuckles, ducking his head resting his forehead against her shoulder as he ruts against her.

“Next time pet.” he rumbles, giving her flesh a sound bite before rising up slightly; his metal hand leaves her neck and she goes to protest; he quickly shushes her.

He begins to pull her hips up and she moves to get on her hands and knees but his hand comes to press between her shoulder blades forcing her chest back against the floor. His metal hand, a firm steadying presence on her raised hips.

His hand lingers for a moment, hips slowly moving against her as he slides his length against the cleft of her ass. She moans and pouts; already dripping, she doesn’t need anymore of his teasing, but that’s never stopped him in the past.

“Look at you.” he purrs his hand smoothing up her spin, calluses catching on her skin. “Mmmmm like you’re worshiping at an alter.”

She wanted to say something, something bratty or smart, but he had her head spinning; so instead she whines and tries again, pressing her ass back against him.

“Yes…” he murmurs and she feels him lining himself and she nearly praises whatever God might exist when his tip catches against her. “So fucking…” and he slides himself in to the hilt. “Perfect” his voice dissolves into a chuckling groan.

Her mouth hangs open but no sound comes out, she’s so full, never quiet entire sure how he fits each time they do this; Troy Calypso is anything but average. He presses himself further almost painfully so, his hip bones digging into her cheeks.

“Quiet for once?” He says his own voice is gravelly and hushed.

She weakly glares at him, craning her neck just slightly to get a look at his smug face. “Can’t have that now.” with that he begins a languid pace, one that has her squirming on his cock.

Every part of her feels alive, her nerves are dancing, the feeling of metal fingers pressing into the meat of her thigh, so tight she’s sure he’ll leave bruises. The feeling of his nails scraping along her spine; the jut of his hips when he comes to press into her fully. Even the feeling of his pants scratching against the back of her thighs, slung just low enough that he could free himself. It’s all so incredibly decadent and she wants more, more of him and and everything he’s willing to offer.

She starts to moan in earnest now, not caring to keep up their little back and forth, it’s too much effort and he’s giving her so much.

It’s amazing how fast he has her teetering on the edge, it’s not fair; it should be criminal. She needs just a bit more, the fire growing in her belly, the spring coiling tighter and tighter, just a bit more.

“Troy…” his name slips past her lips in a prayer.

“Ahhhhh there it is.” his voice is a low rumble in his chest; then his calloused fingers are pressing against the bundle of nerves above her aching core. “You just had to ask.”

She keens the pressure and measured petting overwhelming; she comes, whispering and cursing his name over and over until her body begins to sag and his ministrations become too overstimulating.

Above her Troy sighs, basking in the feeling of the aftermath of her orgasm, her muscles twitching around him as he continues his brutal pace. As she slumps further against the cool metal of the balcony he leans in, his body blanketing hers.

“I think you have one more in you.” he husks in her ear before licking the sweat from her jaw.

“Troooyyyy…” she whines; but god if her body doesn’t shiver at his words.

“You are so good.” he grunts and slams into her harder than before.

His pace ramps up and she finds herself getting pushed further and further against the floor until her hips are barely above the cool kiss of the metal. Her nerves are singing again and she’s moaning and whining unabashedly at him again.

“So. Fucking. Good.” he hisses through gritted teeth, his pace beginning to falter.

She’s surprised that she’s racing towards the peak again so soon after cumming; and he hasn’t even touched her.

“Come on…” he husks. “One. More.”

That’s all it takes, his command and she’s silently crying out as pleasure crashes over her again.

In her haze she can feel him falter and then he pulls out. She feels the hot splash of him against her back and ass and hears his rumbling, satisfied groan.

For awhile they lay in the afterglow, heavy breathing filling the silence. Then his flesh and blood fingers are at her spine, dragging through the mess he made before bringing it to her lips.

“Oh so I get to clean up the mess you made?” she huffs, but it’s all for show as she takes the offering into her mouth.

“I’m surprised you complain so much for something you very much seem to enjoy.” his voice is raw, sated.

She hums around his fingers and nips him one last time for good measure when he goes to move.

Slowly she settles, her body heavy and pleased as the sweat cools on her skin; behind her she can hear Troy moving about and then it’s quiet. After awhile she wonders if he wandered off, a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am; and she hates that the idea of that hurt.

Something slams into the back of her head; she whips around as it falls to her side...a pillow and a rag?

“Nice reflexes.” Troy’s walking back out onto the balcony, pillow under his arm and a worn sheet in his grasp, he must have removed his pants fully as well because he’s on full display.

“Walking around in the full nude now? Is this going to be a new requirement for joining the fold? Oooo gonna broadcast it?” she taunts using the rag he had tossed a her to clean the rest of his drying cum from her back.

He chuckles as he comes to lay down beside her, throwing the sheet lazily over the lower half of their bodies.

“I think that’s reserved for a special few.” he’s smug, the grin pulling at his lips sharp.

“Ooo what an honor then.” she replies, pulling the pillow under her chin and folding her arms beneath it.

“It’s true, you get to witness a rare honor, a blessing really.” she groans and rolls her eyes.

“Alright there big guy.” he laughs and lazily slings his arm over her back as he settles down.

A quite settles between them, the sounds of the desert filling the silence.

“Were you serious about next time with the arm?” she asks

The sound he makes is somewhere between a growl and a chuckle and he leans over to nip at her shoulder.

#troy calypso #tyreen calypso #ofc #troy calypso x ofc #borderlands 3 #calypso twins #trash #smut #one whole yike #citrus scale #omfg #lemon

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carmenlire · 6 years

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When did you come to the realisation that you were bi? I know you aren't a lgbt kind of account but I think I am a lot like you and I don't really follow any other bi tumblr people (that I know of)

Hello dear!! First of all, I am always here to talk about gay shit! I might not be an explicitly lgbt account but I have to admit that I yell about being gay on here with probably annoying frequency lol.

Secondly, I am actually a lesbian! And just to throw it out there, I’m ace too:)

(If any bi people who are willing to talk about this kind of stuff like this?? that could be nice so that anon has others for reference, too?)

Okay, so. I’m going to explain my own journey a bit– so sorry if this gets a little rambling or long– but I am lowkey a master of denial so it stretches back a few years lol.

I had a lot of gay friends in high school and felt more comfortable with them than my straight friends sometimes. Which looking back was weird as hell, since I was straight lol. They would talk about their partners and I would just be “ugh. i wish i could have that.” I thought I was talking about a relationship in general but years later I think I wanted what they had in particular. There’s other stuff with high school that is pretty obvious looking back on it but that I just attributed to other things/denied at the time. I can always expand on that if you want me to lmao.

The first real instance I have of being slapped in the face with being not straight was halloween 2015. I went out with friends to the bars and got blackout drunk. I was generally a mess that night but towards the end of things when the bar was about to close, I had the crystal clear thought, “oh my fuck, I wanna kiss a girl so bad.” like that’s all I wanted. I woke up the next morning and made myself forget it– even if I sent a message to my gc at the time (all tumblr people) like “omg??? what does this mean???”

bitch what do you think it means dkjfghlsdjfglf. But, I was drunk and just blamed it on that. I didn’t really think about it much. I was still straight and couldn’t even imagine kissing a girl, let alone doing anything else or having any sort of romantic feelings for one. That went on for over a year.

In february 2017, I watched– yeah I know how cliche it is– the music video for Sleepover by Hayley Kiyoko when it dropped. It was all over my dash and I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. I. Loved. It. I think my mouth was lowkey open the entire time lol. I fell in love with the song and really appreciated the aesthetic of the video. Deadass, that was my thought. I just thought it was really well done lol. From there, I sort of fell in love with her music. I listened to her on repeat last spring and when I hear one of her pre-expectations songs, I am still transported to that time in my life. I prided myself on being a good ally– look at me, I am So Straight but I can appreciate a lesbian/gay artist singing about her own experiences. Ah, brianna, you dumb fuck.

Then, in May I went to Pittsburgh with some friends to celebrate one of their bdays. We got trashed (I got absolutely fucked up lol– absinthe goes hard af lmao) and as we were heading back to the car at the end of the night, I was talking with a friend and point blank said, “yeah, when I’m drinking I’m probably 60% straight.” Even drunk, I lowballed how gay I was. In the back of my mind, I had the niggling thought that I was bi but I wouldn’t let myself slow down enough to think about it.

Soon enough, it was lowkey all I could think about. As you can probably see, I established a pattern of being straight when sober but when I was drunk, I was pervaded by nonstraight thoughts lol. By December, I was drinking more than I ever had before. Part of it was to stop thinking about it– because I really am not joking when I say it was all I could think about. I made lists at work for reasons I was bi/straight– because there was no way i could by anything more than bi. I had to like guys. I looked up those fucking “am i gay” quizzes. I was searching through my past looking for hints– and lowkey changing things or ignoring things that didn’t fit the straight outcome I wanted.

I went to the UK last fall when I was in a tizzy about my sexuality and was highkey obsessed with finding out what the hell I was and denying it at the same time and I spent a few days in manchester with a friend I met on here, actually. We shared a bed for a few nights and while I was insisting to myself that I was straight, that there was no possible way I wasn’t 100% into guys, I felt literally breathless sleeping next to her. Like, I felt more alive when she threw an arm over me in her sleep than I had whenever a guy had, like, asked me out or talked to me lol. It was something that I obvi still remember and I remember thinking that there was no straight explanation for my really unexpected, intense reaction– just being close to a girl made my heart flutter. I lowkey wanted/wished something to happen even if at the same time my mind was repelling the very idea.

I ended up going out in december with my cousins who are just as small minded as the rest of my family and I got blackout drunk (lmao a theme). They were making fun of the waitress because she was super attentive to me and kinda ignored them, saying stuff like “omg she’s totally into you bri” well joke was on them because by the end of the night I was very drunk and very gay and ended up highkey flirting with her and then I kissed two waitresses (after talking to them and getting consent lmao) and I woke up the next morning and literally hated myself– I hated that my cousins had seen, I hated that I had acted like that in general. I spent the whole day sick. And then for new years my cousins told another cousin and my goddamn sister about it “haha we thought the waitress was after bri but after how things ended we said maybe bri wanted the waitress” and steph (my sister) whipped her head to me with a disgusted and disbelieving expression and I just said “haha I wanted to make a friend” and I just wanted to die in that moment. And I could see the other cousin looking at me, like, questioningly.

So that started the new year and I just had these swirling doubts and I kid you not– like it was all I could think about. I said I was bi first because at least then I could still end up with a guy?? like there was still a chance I could be “normal” and came out to my best friend on the weekend of valentine’s day and got drunk and cried about girls and I woke up the morning after and just felt so peaceful. Like it was the first time I didn’t hate myself after a night out in like two years lmao. A lot of what pushed me to finally acknowledging it was that I was so tired– if I had to fight that hard to tell myself I was straight then maybe,,, I wasn’t. That, and I found a list on here about compt het/internalized homophobia which really opened my eyes. I can tick off a lot of things on that list.

and then I started thinking about it again this summer and came to the conclusion that I am a lesbian. It was difficult– because that would mean I was necessarily giving up “ending up normal.” There is no way I can hide that side of me if I fall in love, you know? But that’s the truth for me, for now at least lol. I really like women and I just don’t see the personal appeal of men. I can certainly appreciate them, but I don’t want anything to do with them lol.

So, I know I wrote a lot but me realizing that I wasn’t straight was Quite A Process lol. There was no real single thing/time that made my realize I was gay-- it was a lot of little things that added up.

There are dozens of other examples/things that I can point to now looking back that point to me being gay– I changed my tinder preferences “to make friends”; it’s just a universal truth that women are more attractive than men– but that I didn’t see/ignored at the time. I hope that something I said can help you figure things out for yourself. Everyone’s journey is their own, of course, but hopefully you see something in my rambling that helps. Thanks so much for sending this ask!! I really appreciate you coming to me– and to anyone, because that is a huge first step and I’m proud of you for that!

I have a tag on here, #interesting, that all of my gay shit is under. Under that tag are two posts that really helped me at the time: compulsive heterosexuality and internalized homophobia.

Feel free to ask me anything else or someone else if anyone likes this post lol! Tumblr, for all its faults lmao, actually has some really good posts about this kind of stuff if you’re looking for more signs/information

#thanks so much for this ask!#like i said #i hope it helps!#and feel free to ask anything else #i totally get how confusing and frustrating it can be #so im always here to vent to or ramble on about or anything!#anon #asked #answered #interesting

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