#i have a really difficult time with trying to self dx with Too Many Things

[caughdeighy]

when i want to stop seeing “people with X mental illness do this!!!! [generic list of symptoms that can overlap with many other disorders] hashtag relateable!” posts but i don’t want to just block tags for specific disorders outright………… Pain

[thewriterowl]

Miss Owl, I just want to say thank you for consistently writing dinluke fics for almost two years! Your updates makes me anticipate weekends more than ever, but also, you make me want to write again!

I have questions about writing though. If you're comfortable in sharing it, what keeps you motivated to write and how do you maintain it? I used to like writing but due to poor receptions and sales, I find myself not liking it anymore.. I still love the feeling of having written something but I don't enjoy the process and I am so scared of not having anyone/readers bounce back the energy and enthusiasm I put into my writing. I wonder if you have experienced something akin to that?

In context of star wars (especially dinluke), I have so many ideas of stories I want to share but not only am I afraid of poor receptions, I am also anxious about my English skill since I am non-native user. I noticed that the majority sw fics in ao3 or tumblr are written by native English speakers, as opposed to, say, in my previous anime fandoms where I found more non-native writers. I have been wanting to write dinluke stories for about a year now but these thoughts kept stopping me DX

I'm sorry for this long incoherent ask. Thank you again for being such an awesome writer and blog owner!

Oh thank you so very much! This is such a kind thing to say and i really, really appreciate you reaching out to talk about this. That is always one of the biggest compliments to get, honestly, is hearing someone wants to take up their fun and passion of writing again.

And I am more than happy to answer these for you!

So, one thing to remember, that is sometimes hard to not fall into a trap of: this is not professional. You owe no one anything. Fanfiction is for yourself first and foremost. If you always keep that in mind, you will find yourself more happy than not when you write.

Think of fanfiction as training. You go to the gym or play a sport for yourself and your own passion and health first. This is you on a treadmill or lifting weights or doing some fun kickboxing class only in writing form.

Maybe it will turn into something more? I mean, it's something I hope for myself personally, but I can't be so focused on it becoming a career that I forget my love of it either. And that can be hard too.

And the feel of this sort of need for recognition--a hope for reviews and praise and followers...ugh, it's haunting. I worry about it every day. My anxious brain counts and compares reviews of each chapter. I was panicked when one chapter of Blooms had 50 and another had 12. Or how I look at Hope and go "it's so close to 1k but it's not there..." and keep going over everything that's wrong and messy about the fic and thinking I need to focus on editing it asap.I kept focusing on what I was doing wrong, second guessing myself, terrified that people hate these things despite being told otherwise.

Back when I was BlackBelt on fanfiction.net, there were many times i did not get great reception. It took me years of continuous writing to get a following. But i just loved the bit I contributed and how it helped me navigate the site and find more people to read and follow, that it was worth it. Even when things flopped...or when real people found my embarrassing non-subtle self-insertion OC fic.

Try not to focus on the numbers. It is SO difficult to do. I really understand that because it never seems good enough in your brain no matter what you see.

But, if you write what you want--write what you love, people will come. Dinluke is a great, big community...but it's not massive. Many people have read everything that has been produced. Many are looking for more. Adding to that particular number IS good. Making more content for the fans to have the option of reading IS great.

I was terrified of writing and publishing Little Bird because I knew this was a new couple and Dark content in something with so little available may not be well received...and it wasn't on every level. I got a lot of push-back. I got a bit of hate. i know people have talked very poor of me and there have been rumors spread because I love dark content with Din as the Dark character and not Luke.

It wasn't fun at all. But, other people loved it. There was so much positivity with it too. it inspired other people to dabble in it. it got people to also write the opposite so more was written for the community as a whole. That is a great thing.

Yes, you may get some push back or you may not get the numbers you want and I am the first to tell you; IT. SUCKS. But the feeling of people like you reaching out, excited, wanting to talk and read this content really outweighs it.

And you are doing amazing. You need to remember, and tell yourself, you are speaking a English as a second language. Do you understand how amazing and impressive you are for that? English is a psycho language--anyone who learns it is amazing. I can't ease your anxiety, but I will tell you that it should never be something you should keep to yourself because you are amazing for it!

And again, if you think of fanfiction as training--this would just be you also exploring your strength with this other language. It's you opening up the community even more. And I mean...my stuff honestly is a disaster XD I'm a native english speaker and whoo-boy do I have some misspellings and awkward sentences sprinkled in massive quantities throughout my stuff. English speakers will flop at English. Trust me, you're good!

Also, there is a chance that you will get this same message that you sent to me from someone who is thanking you for posting your work because it is getting them inspired to do the same.

I do this cause it is fun, I love writing, i enjoy exploring dark concepts in a safe space and making friends from it. I swear, because of taking the plunge and doing some scary things like putting these stories out there, I have met some of my best friends.

it isn't easy--but i do think it is for sure worth the fun and adventure of it!

[a-walking-fandom-reference]

You had me at autistic head canons

So.

I head canon that Bobby, Eddie, Chris, and Ramon are all autistic.

It’s just so personal to me.

!!! OMG SO GLAD SOMEONE ELSE SEES RAMON AS AUTISTIC!!!

autistic bobby and eddie are very very personal and special to me and i love them!! (while autism is commonly co-occurring with cp (around 7%) i don’t feel qualified to talk about chris being autistic because i don’t have a ton of knowledge of cp and it’s overlaps with autism)

but autistic ramon is SO personal to me because i see a lot of myself in eddie and relate to him a lot and ramon being autistic hits home… my dad is very very likely autistic but is unlikely to get a diagnosis (or self dx) because of internalized ableism… growing up with a parent who is autistic but has a lot of internalized ableism is difficult and i think ramon would have a hard time accepting eddie’s diagnosis (i know my dad did in the beginning) (i think ramon would handle it a little better if it was in the past year just because he’s really trying to be better for eddie and he’s grown) undiagnosed autistic parents have a hard time acknowledging their kids are autistic because they show similar traits to them so when these are pointed out to them about their kids they are like BUT IM LIKE THAT SO WHAT DOES THAT SAY ABOUT ME and it scares them so they want to deny it because then they have to look deeper at themselves and they have too much internalized ableism and pride to do that… so it’s a process

i think it’s such an interesting thing for eddie and ramon to deal with… i would love to write a fic about it… but feel like i have way too many ideas about it to even get started… (also would end up talking about how so many chs in this universe are autistic)

[crows-murder]

ADHD Mac

oh yeah im doing this

there are two things im 100% about Angus MacGyver

1 he is a bi disaster

and 2 he has ADHD

before elementary school, no one really thought anything was out of the ordinary with Mac. his parents thought his hyperactivity and inability to focus well was normal for a toddler.

even if they got suspicious, Ellen got sick and she became a priority, not Mac’s odd behavior.

after Ellen MacGyver’s death, James couldn’t even look at his son, seeing his late wife in his blue eyes and blond hair, much less worry about his son’s attention problem that were increasingly frustrating the teachers.

Mac’s teachers in first grade aren’t too hard on him and his wandering attention and inability to sit still for too long since his mother had died recently.

they blame it on the trauma of losing a mother and dismiss it, though get more frustrated with Mac.

as early as second grade, Mac shows signs of having an exceptionally sharp mind, but his teachers are frustrated with him because he can’t seem to concentrate in class and struggles with his homework. Mac gets exceptional grades despite that.

his grades are so good the administration bumps him up two grades.

Mac starts fifth grade at 8, but it doesn’t get easier for him, or less frustrating.

he has occasional emotional outbursts, he’s always fidgeting, leaves a lot of tasks unfinished and has problems focusing. the other students find him weird on top of him having skipped two grades and he has no friends other than Bozer.

Mac works on his homework for hours, trying desperately to focus long enough to finish it, missing obvious details and getting reprimanded by the teachers.

his father becomes more secluded so Mac can’t ask him for help, and instead tries to force himself to study until his head hurts and the words swim around the paper like unintelligible squiggles.

Mac’s teachers complain about his poor organisation skills, unable to understand that this “mess” is Mac’s own version of organized.

Mac feels like no adult believes him when he says he can’t focus in class, that he couldn’t finish the homework, so he stops trying to convince them and instead takes it in.

he’s in sixth grade when his dad leaves for good, and it makes Mac’s already low self-esteem worse and wonders guiltily if James left because Mac struggled with simple tasks.

and so he works even harder, makes more efforts, tries harder.

it’s a real struggle that drives Mac’s frustration to tears many times, but it never feels like it’s enough. he still struggles working in group projects, he procrastinates, he loses track of time.

sometimes he can’t even physically bring himself to do his homework and ends up rushing it in the morning.

and of course, sometimes he gets lost in a personal project for hours on end without even realizing it.

Mac was always fidgeting, and started twisting up paperclips to keep his hands occupied and found that it helped focus his mind on the task ahead.

people thought he was distracted, but twisting paperclips meant that he was actually focusing much more easily.

as Mac grew older, he still couldn’t take criticism well. only Bozer really knew this, and even light criticism could make  his low self-esteem plummet.

this paired with Mac being often bored and under-stimulated (mainly in school) made Mac’s school experience difficult.

he graduates at 16 and goes straight to MIT where things slightly get better, feeling like some of the stress of grade school finally leaving him and giving him more room to breathe.

when his grandfather's call came, Mac was 18 and finally felt like things were going right.

he went to join the Army, hoping his history of lack of focus won’t hinder him much.

in Afghanistan, Mac is (usually) able to put all his focus on the IED and forget the world around.

the other soldiers think he’s just a really good EOD tech who can ignore the gunfire surprisingly well, but it’s actually because oh his hyper-focused brain.

when he and Jack are discharged and hired by DXS, Mac starts to suffer from secondary depression.

he finally goes to see a doctor who gives him his diagnosis and prescribes him antidepressants and suggests he sees a mental health professional.

Mac does and he gets diagnosed with ADHD and his prescribed ADHD medication and his doctor even suggests seeing a therapist.

despite Mac's hatred for pills, he still takes his antidepressants, but refuses to take the ADHD meds, refusing to be dependent on pills for the rest of his life.

he manages to keep it a secret from everyone, even Bozer.

but Mac decides a therapist would be helpful, and so he schedules a meeting.

and then he keeps going, every week.

therapy helps.

a lot.

though he felt like he was back to square one, like in school, feeling under-performing, but only this time with mild depression.

his therapist explains that the depression was caused by his brain being constantly under-stimulated, and of course war didn’t help.

over the months, Mac slowly gets better and feels like he’s finally moving forward, and talking to someone about a mental issue he never knew he had really helped him.

he feels guilty not telling anyone, but he isn’t ready to tell them yet.

months later, Mac decides to tell Bozer and sits him down and explains to his best friend how he was recently diagnosed with ADHD (Bozer told him it explained a lot) and mild depression because of it

Bozer understood and respected Mac’s wish to keep it under wraps and tells him that if Mac needed anything, he could always (always) come to Bozer. Mac felt even more grateful for his best friend (I love their friendship oh wow--)

no one but Bozer knew for a long time.

it wasn’t even added to his file, so not even Patti (later Matty) or Oversight (screw him anyways) knew.

after fifteen months on antidepressants Mac’s therapist decides he could come off the medication.

the withdrawal is… rough

but Mac refused to take any days off (despite what his doctor said), lest he roused suspicion.

Mac just powered through the intense stomach cramps, sweating, shivering and nausea as best as he could.

Jack was suspicious, but Mac assured him it was just a stomach bug, and Jack let it be since he could see no physical wounds that could cause this.

Mac’s withdrawal lasted a little over three weeks, and Bozer was trying to be there for his best friend as best as he could.

Mac would sleep in fits, threw up every other night and couldn’t stand eating or even looking at anything salty or sweet

when Mac started to get better, looking and feeling more healthy, Bozer took him out to one of the best restaurants in LA as a way to celebrate and made Mac pancakes for breakfast all week.

Mac told him it was entirely unnecessary, but Bozer cut him off by telling him that if someone could beat depression, it was worth celebrating.

it effectively shut Mac up and made him wonder for the thousandth time how he was lucky enough to meet someone like Bozer.

for the whole week, Mac is in a much happier and brighter mood than he’d been in in a long time.

it took everyone by surprise and caused Jack to ask if he was okay. Mac had just smiled and said that he’d never been better.

Bozer was just glad to see Mac act the way he used to when they were still in grade school. he missed this version of Mac.

Matty being Matty found out bout Mac’s therapy sessions and his antidepressant prescription and ADHD diagnosis and asks him about it (more worried about his well-being than his performance in the field)

Mac apologizes for keeping it a secret but told her that he’d gotten off the antidepressants months ago (to Matty’s relief) and that the ADHD was nothing to worry about.

Mac knows that he won’t be able to keep his therapy sessions and ADHD a secret from everyone forever, but still doesn’t feel ready to tell anyone.

Mac told them one by one, all at different times

he told Jack first, who was concerned for his partner but couldn’t bring himself to be mad at Mac for keeping it to himself.

telling Riley and Cage took a while, but he finally got it out, and felt relieved that he didn’t have to keep it a secret anymore.

after season 3, when Mac gets reinstated, his first order of business is to schedule an appointment with a therapist (Nigerian villages, as it turned out, don’t have therapy clinics)

James MacGyver tries to be the dad he hasn’t been to Mac since he was five, but missed a lot and doesn’t believe his son’s claim to have ADHD.

it destabilizes Mac’s firm belief in the diagnosis and sends him spiraling

Matty is not happy.

you do not want Matty to not be happy with you

whether or not you’re her boss.

she and James have a heated discussion when James says he wants to remove Mac’s ADHD from his personal file.

let’s just say Mac’s mental health is something no one talks about unless they want to really go at it with James.

and Mac tells them to drop it. he doesn’t have to listen to his father’s opinions (as he is an adult himself) and doesn’t want anyone fired on his behalf.

idk if it’s just me really liking the idea of Mac seeing a therapist (boy needs it)

or just thinking that it would explain a lot about Mac (his habit of playing with paperclips, his hyper-focus, etc...)

but i like the idea of ADHD Mac.

also it would make a lot of sense idk

[creacherkeeper]

Hello! Idrk how to go about this this (and I hope this is okay to send, om sorry if this is inconvenient) but I need your opinion? So I saw your am i autistic guide post and i took both tests, got a 35 on the first and 156/200 on the second. Then I looked at the other links and made notes of everything that applied to me (which was most, very nearly all if not all) and I guess this means I'm very possibly neurodivergent? I guess what I'm to is that even though I had these results, im scared 1/?

I'm scared ro refer to myself as neurodivergent or autistic bc of the stigma agaknst self diagnosis i think? Also whenever I have brought all of these things up with others, most of the time they don't take it seriously and just brush it off, even when I inform them that it would be harder for someone like me (and adult female) to be diagnosed as it is harder to detect rather than with a male. I dont know what to do and I definitely want to get tested for it but I'm scared of that too 2/?

Because I've heard of people getting misdiagnosed and I just want to get to the bottom of this. I've gone through my entire life being outcasted and made fun of for being the "wierd" kid and not knowing why i act some ways or what's wrong with me. Im sorry for dumping this all on you but I just dont know what to do and I'm not exactly able to get tested as of now 3/3

-

hi nonny 

i’m sorry youre in an in between place right now - times of transition are always difficult, but it’ll be easier to deal with once you get through this period. if you are unable to get tested right now - which is fine, you should take your time anyway to try and find a good diagnostician who has experience dxing adult women - my advice is to find some autistic folks on the internet or in a local social group and just get to know them. its probably best to state your intentions up front - that you believe youre autistic and are trying to understand yourself and autism better. there are plenty of autistic people out there who both are completely accepting of self dx (many people in the autism community are self dx anyway), and love to talk about autism and experiences with it. i recommend making a post either on here or somewhere like twitter, explaining a bit about the situation and introducing yourself. a common tag used is “ActuallyAutistic”, which i think is fine for you to use given the situation. or, if there are some blogs run by autistic folks that are open to messages, you can try messaging them and asking if they’d be willing to talk as well 

i think the best thing you can do right now is talk to autistic people and hear their experience with things - how they process, how they move, how they think. at first, i was unsure if i was autistic. a lot of the stereotypical descriptions didnt sound like me. but once i started reading accounts of actually autistic people, things really clicked. it wouldnt hurt to make friends in the community, but just having a conversation about it is good too. whether or not you end up self diagnosing after you hear their experiences, pursuing professional diagnosis, or neither, i promise you will learn interesting things and understand yourself better by the end of it 

keep an open mind, don’t judge, let yourself be honest, and don’t let harmful words from people who don’t understand get to you. there are a lot of open and accepting people in the autism community. my advice is to go learn from them :) 

[praise-suns-and-chill]

Aaaaand I got the Sheet done, thanks to the help of @thaddyisanartboi​! Thanks for the art again, 10/10 would comission again! And with that, behold, Berath St. Benedict. + John, one good puppet.

Guess her favoured expression.

(If the comments beside the character names aren’t readable, I will include them again below the cut. Along with... as many details as I have about Berath! So if you are curious, behold, a list!

I do need to say though. I do have a tendency that, if some original material is angsty, I will insert some more light hearted stuff into it! So don’t expect too much seriousness, just as a warning ^^)

Relationship to Ricardo: 95%. Lovers. No further comments, the relationship is just as adorable as we know it already, couldn’t resist it.

Argent: Berath does not quite know what to think about her yet. Can deal with the slight flirting/choking, but is very confused about the drastically mixed signals. Wtf girl.

Mortum: Berath has come to see her as a friend, and possibly more. And she just hoped that they can stay friends, somehow, once Mortum knows the truth about John. I am also personally still worried about that one. I wanted to do the right thing Dx

Herald: Student/Mentor type of relationship. I dig that we can kinda develop it with him, and he is a good student! Precious boy, 10/10, would teach again to beat my ass in the future. He is gonna make Berath proud some day!

Steel: She really tried to have a better relationship with that old fella, even back in the day. She has enough enemies as it is, she does not need any more. And hey, now there is time to catch up on some stuff. Also, fellow dog friend. And if there is anything easy to bond over, it’s cute animals. Now, as to more random headcanons about her. This is gonna be all over the place, just a warning.

- Guess her Suit Design from her first Villian name idea.

- Escaped the Farm when she was 17, probably, highly likely by blowing something up. She got enough lessons to teach her to be a Wannabe MacGyver, and she put that knowledge to use.

- Hitched a ride with a group of Cross country travelers that didn’t ask any questions about her. She picked up her last name and smoking habit from them.

- She picked her first name because it is not a real one. Just how she isn’t a real human. Later it did appear in a game tho.

- She does smoke, at first just cigarettes. Nowadays though?

- She is a Villian. A Gentleman Villian as much as she tries. A classy Thief, to juxtapose her... usual self. She smokes Pipe.

- Also doesn’t smokes Tobacco. Smokes Tea leafs. Better than weed, trust me.

- Tried to train an Irish accent on herself. She can pull it off very convincingly.

- Can insult you in 21 different languages. And will insult you in 21 different languages.

- Is 30, looks like 25, dressed like 18. She didn’t really get her Teenage phases and needs to catch up somehow.

- Wants the truth to be out in the open. And maybe, just maybe, would not mind to see certain people dead. Would never kill anyone herself though. And keeps people safe as much as she can.

- Tries to be Leverage type of Villian. (Leverage being a series, btw, about Criminals grouping together to take down big corporations that get away with illegal shit with their very own illegal methods, very good series, highly reccomend it)

- Tech savvy, but tries to get to know the Underworld slowly as well. For now though, she has Bo for that.

- Would love to have a pet, but knows she does not have the time for one. For now. She already knows what she would get though. She would try and get a difficult case, a stray dog or cat nobody want’s to take care of.

- Met Ortega probably on one of his Missions. She was just hanging out in a Crackden at the time, not up to much, homeless and just drifting along in life in obscurity. Then she just saw this guy barging in, electrical lightning all around the place, getting himself into a pretty flashy fight with a Villian who was also high on crack, and she was impressed, getting curious about the guy. Ortega does not remember their first meeting. She does. Their real first meeting included her trying her best to get dramatic timing right and... charging in to save the day. In the end, she did not make the BEST first impression. She did get an ass kicking, because she had never been in mass fights before. She was used to 1 on 1, more than anything else. But she did make an impression. 

- Drinks coffee disgustingly sweet. 1/3 is syrup.

- Wants to travel the world at some point.

- Listens mostly to Synthwave, Irish Folk Punk, Shanties and Symphonic Rock. Niche music only. 

- Currently has so much money from robbing Criminals, she doesn’t know what to do with it all. Hire more Henchmen? Work out the tech? Buy information? Buy stones for her collection? Fill her shitty apartment with literal treasure just because she can? So much money. So many choices. She settles on more tea.

- Puppetmaster.

[crazy-acey-hate-blog]

self dx anon here, could you go into your more complicated opinions on it? i agree with you, i’m just curious.

Okay. I think that on a base level, having a hypothesis on what conditions you may be suffering from is all well and good. However, a lot of the self diagnosis community completely stop there and don’t seek out a professional opinion. This can get complicated, especially with mental illnesses where one could easily misinterpret what they are experiencing considering that so many conditions have substantial overlap. You also have people (though I think they’re a vocal minority) who are clearly diagnosing themselves for clout or because a particular mental illness is “popular” or “interesting.” A few years ago this was depression, but more recently it’s things like personality or dissociative disorders.

I can completely understand not having proper and sufficient resources to seek out professional help, especially for financial or family reasons. That said, I think definitively self diagnosing can get messy really quickly and the way that many self diagnosers are done under the pretense that “well I know myself better than any doctor” despite the fact that if someone may have a skewed perception of themselves either by virtue of the mental illness or because everyone sees themselves just a little different than how an unbiased outside perspective would. On a somewhat unrelated note, I think there should be more accessible but I understand that type of healthcare reform can and does take a lot of time and resources.

I also think it looks bad on the mental health community and mentally ill people at large, though at the moment I’m having a difficult time at the moment verbalizing my reasoning on that particular point.

You can self diagnose small things, like a cold, or a migraine, or a sprained ankle, but for mental illness such as depression, anxiety, or any type of personality disorder, like any large or life altering physical condition such as diabetes or MS, you can’t rely on your opinion alone because these are all conditions that require intervention one way or another.

Basically what it all boils down to is that if you genuinely feel that you are suffering from a mental illness of any kind, it’s important to tell someone and try to get help and getting a diagnosis is often the first step to getting that help.

I hope this wasn’t too long or rambling, but I think that sums up most of my thoughts.

[dxmedstudent]

Dx’s Dating Tips #1

I was going to put this in a giant masterpost, but then I felt pity for your dashborards. Basically, I’ve had a crappy week or two, and giving advice is something that relaxes me and makes me feel happy and useful, so I thought I’d get round to expressing some of the thoughts I’ve had. I have to admit I did a little reading around before I restarted the whole dating thing; some advice out there is really good, some is common sense, and theres stuff out there that is just plain... manipulative.

So we start with a few things I noticed about dating that rarely get acknowledged; mainly that it’s actually important to get yourself into a good mindset before you start.

The Dating Mindset:

Dating requires accepting that your life will change. In order to date, you need to be open to the fact that you’re interviewing to fill a position in your life, and that this will slowly change how you live as someone becomes a bigger part of your life. That position doesn’t have to be the same for everyone; one person might only want a casual relationship, whereas someone else is hoping to find the love of their life or the mother of their children. What matters is that you understand that the change you desire will also affect your life. You can’t expect to live exactly as you do as a single person and also have a life partner; that’s not fair to them; people are not accessories that slot into our life at our convenience. people who want to date without any effect on their life may not be ready for an actual relationship or have less than realistic ideas about what intimacy with another person will be like.

Dating is also a gradual process; it’s important to focus on and enjoy the here and now, and take each stage as it comes. It is not  about what someone might be to you in a year’s time (or ten years’ time). Sometimes people get very enthusiastic early on, but it’s important to have realistic expectations from the outset; that you just don’t know what will hapen. This means accepting that right now, your romantic life is a WIP. You aren’t in a relationship, you aren’t loved romantically and that there’s no guarantee you’ll find someone. For lots of people, this can exacerbate feelings of loneliness even more than being single because you’re actively focusing on that deficit, and when you go through unsuccessful dates or short relationships, it might feel even more raw because you’re trying so hard.  When you’re happily single, it’s easier to accept that romance isn’t a part of your life, and fill your life around it. 

Dating is a process that requires self-reflection about who you are, and what you need from a relationship; you can’t find what is right for you if you have no idea who you are and what you need. This will probably mean confronting some home truths about yourself. For example, I realised that I am much more of a homebody than I like to admit; but that’s fine because there are plenty of people who are OK with that. It’s not about blaming yourself or thinking badly of yourself, just appreciating what your strengths and weaknesses are, and what makes you tick. A good partner is complementary to yourself; similar enough that you have things in common, but can also work with your weaknesses rather than exacerbating them.  If you’ve had any recent breakups or deep relationships that have left lasting impressions, it might also mean reflecting on how they affected you, and what things you don’t want to replicate in future relationships.

Along a similar vein, dating means recognising that what you were doing before is not working for you. No exceptions.  After all, if it was working out great, you’d already be sipping tea with the love of your life, right? This is not a personal criticism of you; it does not make you a bad person. We can all have patterns that make our lives more difficult or don’t quite work for us as well as we hoped. But what it does mean is that if you keep acting just as you do, and being as you are, it will be very hard to get different results than the ones you’ve been getting. Perhaps you never make the first move; you’ll miss out on so many people who might be interested if you worked up the courage to let them know you were interested. Perhaps you call too often and scare people away because you are a bit intense. Or perhaps you don’t call enough and people don’t think you’re that interested so they don’t keep it up because they don’t know you like them back. Perhaps you have a ‘type’ that never works for you; try to figure out if there’s a reason your type is not working out, and whether it might be good to try to see people who differ from that mould. This doesn’t mean doing everything wildly differently,or trying to be a completely different person. It does mean that you need to stop making excuses, and start working on creating healthier thought patterns and behaviour.  For example, I’m pretty shy, and I’ll never be out there snogging strangers on the dance floor. But I grudgingly had to admit that I have to assert myself more than I’ve done in a while, and make my feelings and intentions more clear, if I don’t want interesting people to pass me by.

This also means thinking about what would genuinely make a good match for you.  My tip is this: you want as few criteria as possible, to avoid excluding people who are perfectly nice but might fall foul of some minor criterion. Focus on what you feel would really make someone impossible for you to be with, and what you feel is most important to you, and try to be as open minded about as much as possible. For example, mine were something like: 30s because I want someone with similar life experience. Nonsmoker; sorry, it makes me cough and feel sick).  Someone who is compatible with my political/religious leanings. For me, it was important to find someone who writes/speaks well and enthusiastically and has a similar sense of humor. And someone who accepts or shares my interests and nerdy hobbies because nobody wants to be with someone who views the things you enjoy with frustration and contempt. My life is pretty busy, so I thought it was important for them to have a  life of their own own (friends and interests) because I am a busy person and needed someone who can enjoy themselves when I’m working or out with friends. I have an idea of the kinds of personality traits that might work well with me, as well as ones that might not, but really you have to get to know people to see how well things work in practice.

Talk to your friends and family, but be aware that you are all very different. There is no universal ‘right person’ for everyone; what everyone would consider right is actually pretty different.  What your friends need and want out of a relationship or partner is not the same thing that you will need and want. So whilst their advice or opinion may be very useful, bear in mind that nobody can choose for you. This is why your friends and family can sometimes (with the sincerest of intentions) set you up with people who are totally wrong for you; they are thinking of what they think is important or suits you. For example, my relatives almost always try to set me up with people who they think are attractive, financially comfortable and just a bit taller than me, because that’s what they think I want; I care little about height, don’t necessarily share their opinion on looks and pretty much expect most people I date to earn less than me.

Dating requires optimism and acting in good faith. You’re gonna meet lots of people, with the aim of having fun, getting to know people and maybe meeting someone special! It’s exciting! Try your best to engage other people seriously and with sincerity, and without letting negativity from prevous dating experiences weigh you down. I found it so demoralising when I’d be messaging a guy and he’d start talking about how he never had any luck with this site/app or dating in general, and the entire conversation or date becomes negative because the focus ends up on why dating is terrible. When you start off talking, you just want to learn some fun things about someone and get to meet them.

Be prepared for the long haul. Finding the right person takes time. You might be lucky and meet the love of your life on the first go, or you might be in for months of meeting people who aren’t quite right, so don’t pressure yourself to get it right first time. It’s OK to get  excited if you find someone you quite like, but remember that it’s still really early. Remember that it’s also a learning process; you’re gonna learn more about what works for you) and doesn’t work for you) the more people you meet, and the more things you don’t work out. So you never really lose. Unfortunately, it does also mean that you might get hurt, but that’s the price of being known, and of caring. There’s no way to get to know someone deeply without also being open with them, and gradually becoming vulnerable. Unfortunately, that can mean things hurt more if they don’t work out. I have no advice on how to dodge that particular bullet, I’m afraid.

You are enough, by yourself. You are still loved, and valuable, and amazing whether you have a partner or not, and don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise.  A lot of my friends are coupled, but honestly that has not made most of them treat me any differently, or make me feel awkward about it. If anything, I just feel that some of them are couple goals. However, some of my single friends report that their coupled friends can be difficult to socialse with as singletons, and within the context of a society that often aggressively pushes romantic love as an essential part of our lives, I can see why some people would feel really bad about it. Dating isn’t about completing you as a person, and it won’t fix your life and it brings with it a whole new set of challenges. If there are issues in your life that need improving, you’ll still need to deal with those and honestly, that’s easier to do before you start dating because dating adds another layer of drama. However, even a fun life can be improved if you meet someone who enriches your life, makes you happy and you enjoy spending time with. Spending time with a cool person that you like is a great feeling. People feel differently about being single. Some people are happy with it as a state, others aren’t, and most of us flip between the two depending on what’s going on in our lives. As someone who was happily (or even, indifferently) single for a long time, I’m all for positivity about being single. However, it’s OK if you feel unhappy about being single. It’s OK if you crave attention, or affection, or sex, or want a life partner, etc. Many people find that they feel a need for deep human connection. Regardless about how you feel about being single at any given point in time, it still doesn’t make you any less.

Feel free to add your own.

[catboyfeli]

the anti self-dx culture is honestly so... bad? i used to be anti self-dx a few years ago before realizing that no, self-dx isn't inherently harmful. there's a huge difference in someone going "i researched this disorder and it fits my symptoms, and i think i have it and hope to speak to a psychiatrist in the future" and "hm i have a few symptoms of this disorder, so i will now say i have it and use it to excuse my bad behavior, and will also ignore the possibility of this being a completely different disorder!" people don't seem to realize how fucking expensive, difficult, and time-consuming it is to get a psychiatrist or therapist, much less a regular one. and from my experience, so many proud anti self-dxers will say to me in a condescending tone, "do you even have a diagnosis?" when i talk abt a disorder of mine when it's literally None Of Their Damn Business. this kind of culture also lead to my mom, after i excitedly told her i think i have bpd, snapping at me saying i don't have ""multiple personality disorder"" and that stuff like that requires ""severe childhood trauma"" and my brother told me to ""stop trying to be special like those kids on tumblr"" imagine finally finding a disorder that fits your experiences after recently destroying your own life because of symptoms of said disorder, and immediately being invalidated and brushed off by your family because of the anti self-dx culture :) yeah, sometimes people DO self-dx as a way to excuse their shitty behavior or to feel special, but honestly? i think most of this culture stems from internalized ableism, and that's just an excuse to feel like the culture is justified. it's also very easy for people with adhd, autism, and similar disorders to find a disorder that fits them and begin to obsess over it because finallY! something that fits me!! and thus refuse to consider other possibilities. that is one of the times self-dx can ACTUALLY be harmful. but overall? self-dx as a whole isn't harmful, esp considering how fucked the health and mental health system is in the us. anti self-dx culture just seems like another way to bully and gatekeep mentally ill people you deem as "invalid," just in a way that's more socially acceptable. whatever disorders i self-dx myself with are a) ones i've done research on that i have most symptoms of or enough symptoms that prominently decrease my quality of life and b) i plan on seeing a psychiatrist about whenever i FINALLY can. like, i have schizoaffective symptoms, but i don't go around saying i have that, as i think my delusions and paranoia are more likely a different disorder or combination of disorders, possibly bipolar combined with adhd. i say i have bpd--despite not having a prof. diagnosis--because it's easier and quicker than saying "i have bpd symptoms/traits" and gets the point across. in the end, it's literally nobody's business whether i have a prof. diagnosis or not, and what matters most is how i'm affecting my own community. a toxic person with a prof. diagnosis isn't any better than a toxic person with a self-dx, and that's that. they're still both spreading harm and helping enforce stigma, and the person with the prof. diagnosis could, get this, be misdiagnosed in the end! i got diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and ocd when i was 10. it's been years since then, and i could end up having been misdiagnosed and have something completely different! since diagnosing literal children who don't even understand what's going on themselves is not easy! also, when i was 10, my doctor considered testing me for autism, and my mom declined because i'm "too normal" to be autistic. now we've realized i very well could be autistic and that her declining that test could've made life more difficult for me in the end, because imagine how much easier things might have been if i had that diagnosis as a child? people responsibily self-dxing themselves after researching a disorder is always going to be different than a person self-dxing themselves to feel special, and as long as someone keeps an open mind towards other possibiltiies and doesn't intend to use this disorder as an excuse for their behavior, there's honestly nothing wrong with it. also, when people DO self-dx for attention, it's almost always because they already HAVE some kind of disorder, likely some type of personality disorder, and that's valid. is it okay? no, but the culture of people acting like attention seeking is inherently bad is also pretty shitty, since needing attention is a) a normal human desire as we're socialable creatures, and b) a symptom of childhood trauma and various mental disorders!! sometimes people seek attention when they're too afraid to ask for it on their own! and maybe people wouldn't be afraid to ASK for attention if the culture surrounding them wasn't so hateful about it! due to my bpd symptoms, i used to do this all the time without even realizing!! partially bc of the culture demonizing anyone who wants attention!!  anyway rant over i talk too much i'm just very passionate about things that don't really matter in the end adhdjfhf

[magicalgirlsofshoujo]

Hello Everyone

Hello everyone, after a very long time, this is Fuyu again.

To begin with, some apologies. I am sorry for disappearing without any notice. It was especially unfair to the people I was bringing on to help with the blog. I am sorry for thinking no one would really notice and letting my own self doubt and shame take the wheel.

I am also sorry that I somehow simultaneously missed a Cardcaptor Sakura revival and yet no real new magical girls of shoujo wtf.

Back on a serious note, I have some explanations. In my classic, "definitely could have said this in about half the words and with no proofreading whatsoever."

Oh gosh, this really does make me feel nostalgic.

I don't believe people have to share their personal lives if it harms them. So, don't let anything I say guilt you or your specific circumstance. Escapism is a wonderful part about fandom and the internet. Because the world is doodoo and we're all knee deep in it lately.

However, the fact that I had to run away and hide has as much to do with the nature of feel good escapism and fandom as it does with my own personal issues. What does a person do when the things they enjoy no longer make them happy?

For me the answer was to keep trying for a long time, because I felt robbed of what I love. Also, to some extent I felt I was prioritising trying to regain that feeling over confronting what was going on inside me. I did try a little bit to just take a step back. I reached out for more people to help with the blog when I started feeling the weight on me. But then getting helpers on board ended up becoming an effort in itself and my dwindling social energy just went into negative numbers.

That's why I just stood up and walked away. I had altogether too much to deal with in my brain and saying a proper goodbye somehow felt like another monumental effort.

That's also why feel an explanation of what I went through can be beneficial, because that is far from unknown in an anime fandom where otaku culture and its issues of toxicity are well known.

I do like to think I had a more wholesome attitude about it though. Teehee~

And since I was convinced no one would really care (brains are dumb) and was proven wrong upon my return even after all this time, I feel like an explanation for anyone who wanted one was warranted. Even if it's in classic Fuyu word vomit style.

I know I have always felt better when I've read stories similar to my own struggles. The feeling of, "I'm not alone!" is one that can't be underestimated. In addition, even in small areas like my little corner here, I think normalizing mental illness is a worthy cause. Everyone knows someone suffering whether they know it or not and such.

So, the short explanation is it turns out I've been living with undiagnosed ADHD. This was becoming a problem right around the time of my disappearance. For whatever reason the mechanisms I set up to deal with what I thought was laziness (primarily mainlining caffeine and forcing myself into deadlines to motivate myself) no longer worked and I would stare at computer screens where words would once come easily. This was a problem for the area of study that I loved and enjoyed so much. In my case it was also a big problem for the fandom I loved and enjoyed.

My words are all over this blog and I haven't written anything since I left.

Currently I am still exactly one course away from my undergrad degree, same as when this all started. This is at least partially because I was only diagnosed very recently.

Because I couldn't do these things I panicked and then would become extremely depressed. This was the incredibly visible problem and so when I got help I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety, panic disorder, and depression. All are definitely true, but now we believe we diagnosed the surface symptoms and missed the underlying cause of adhd.

Instead of my anxiety, panic, and depression cycle coming from nowhere it was usually triggered directly by my lack of focus and motivation. So, years of focusing efforts on my, admittedly unbearable, moods ultimately always came up short because as soon as I felt well enough to try again, I would eventually hit the same wall in my brain and panic all over again.

The main reason I wanted to share this story is because of this difficulty in diagnosing. I don't want to get into the politics and economics of healthcare in the US that affected my care (suffice to say there were large gaps in treatment) because there's an element here that's a little more in my wheelhouse: gender.

I think the idea of gender bias in the medical community is fairly well-known, but essentially women's accounts of their symptoms are discounted by their own doctors.

This can be an issue with women and girls who suffer from ADHD because we do not match the visible checklist. Specificallyn regarding the "hyperactivity" part of ADHD. One explanation behind this, once I subscribe to, is that it's because girls are socialized differently and have different expectations.

Once upon a time, I fit the understood criteria. I would fidget all over my desk and talk to all my classmates instead of doing my work. Generally being a minor nuisance. The fidgeting issue was focused on the fact that I liked to wear skirts and that was unladylike. Going back through old report cards sees me labelled "chatty." I eventually learned to be quiet through social shame.

Honestly the gender bias regarding ADHD can be harmful for boys as well. My brother was tested at a similar age because he was disruptive and had a short temper. Nothing. They didn't acknowledge that boys being boys in the classroom might have been bullying.

I think these problems of both over-diagnosing and under-diagnosing have lowered since the nineties, but I know it hasn't gone away. There are many areas where it might have even gotten worse, especially with opioid epidemics making people suspicious of anyone who might use a medication that can be abused.

Naturally it should be said all of this is just my perspective on an ongoing journey, but I feel it's still a little worth putting out there. It's good to share our stories, because I didn't even realize I might have ADHD until someone else's little anecdote that "coffee calms me down because it makes my brain quieter." And there I was being miserable without caffeine because it's bad for anxiety.

They had even taken away my tea! DX

I feel like ADHD and similar stuff is even less uncommon in our circles too. Fandoms welcome those who feel left out by society and it's the perfect fit for those of us with intense devotion.

I'm still working my way through all this. I've been optimistic before and then fallen back into even worse holes than the one I was in when I left. But every climb out is an experience that makes the next one easier. It's an unfair to have to do at all, but it's worth doing rather than doing nothing.

As for what I'm actually going to do as FuyuMaiden and with this blog now, I don't know. This is the most I've written in a very long time and while it wasn't too difficult it was also very introspective. Stuff I have a lot of practice in dealing with my own mental health.

I'm definitely not going to force myself into anything. Especially since I haven't been keeping up with much. Like I look at cast lists for anime and I'm like "I don't recognize any of these seiyuu anymore!!! Am I old!?" Tentatively reblogging should be back up soon? Hopefully?

I think I'm going to make a discord for Magical Girls of Shoujo. Evey social media platform and phenomena is fragile, so it's good for us to have a backup. Plus I have faith in the stalwart eternity of gaming's need to talk shit. Discord will be around a while.

But I've been out of the loop so if there's any new places where fandom roams that I can also expand my ideals of magical cute stuff let me know.

And again, I am sorry for worry I caused. I love all of you and missed you very much.

[firebirdsdaughter]

Okay...

... Stress reliever.

Let’s overanalyse the Ryusoulger episode 3 preview (+images)! ^^

Well, let’s at least ramble about the pictures?

I’m gonna cut it here, though, bc this is gonna be a long post. (Also, I do talk about a short summary for ep 4 I saw at the end--it was just a one sentence summary, though)

First off!

Lookit the boys! XD Banba’s being all majestic, and it looks like Touwa’s trying to be cool. Well... Maybe trying a little too hard, bc there’s another preview image that has a larger shot of this scene...

Touwa, honey. Don’t climb on walls. Get out of the bushes. Anyway, onward to the rest of this scene!

Okay. So. This is pretty self explanatory. Clearly, the brothers show up and intercede in the fight against Medusa. But the thing that stands out to me here is that I don’t see Kou in this image. Could be he’s off screen, as in this preview image...

... He’s shown fighting with the others. However, this appears to be a different location than the one in the other image. Which becomes clearer if we look at this preview image:

No Kou. Melto and Asuna appear to be in the same positions as the first image, and we can see a wall similar to the one Touwa was standing on in the earlier image as well. This seems to be them talking after the brothers have driven Medusa off--Touwa looks like he’s being a little obnoxious, to boot, as well. Oh, honey. Anyway, it looks like, while the trio do all fight Medusa together at some point, Melto and Asuna end up taking her on w/out Kou, as well; that also makes the above image of all three fighting Medusa difficult to place in the timeline of the ep. Uncertain if this is the first time they meet the brothers--given the body language in the first images, I would hazard a guess as to yes.

Bc this is gonna have too many images already, I won’t be including the identifying close ups of the brothers, but it looks like they also com from this scene. There’s some shots in the preview and pictures of the brothers fighting the Druidon which also appear to be from this scene.

Speaking of chronologically, though, I think this scene would probably come soonest after the above:

Touwa, don’t poke at things you find on the ground w/ your sword. That’s dangerous. Sorry, Ui, I was trying to make a joke. DX Anyway, this looks like a recipe for misunderstanding. Maybe it’s denial, but I don’t think there’s enough context to know what’s going on here. Could very well be Touwa’s just trying to see if she’s conscious or something. Though I would feel better if he didn’t do that w/ a sword. Not sure how Ui ended up in the same place as the brothers, though. Maybe she followed them? After finally locating the other Ryusoulgers, it’s likely the trio didn’t want to lose track of them--alternatively, Melto and Asuna informed Kou, and Ui found out from him when he got overexcited. Or it was just a coincidence. The preview does show her collapsing into Asuna’s arms, but that’s hard to place in the timeline, again. My guess is that Kou, or all three of them, follow either the brothers or Ui and came in at the wrong time. Looks like a great first meeting for everyone.

I put that scene as being next chronologically, is that Ui is wearing the same clothes as in the preview image where she’s hugging her father--which also includes a blanket and couch we see in this:

Given everyone’s placement and the fact that Banba is holding his RyusoulKen, I suspect this moment comes after--possibly immediately after--that preview image of Kou holding Banba’s arm. And, in all likelihood, these:

Moments come after that as well. Not sure in what order, though. Looks like the top one, at least, is definitely the same room as the first from another angle. The third one could be as well, but I’m not really sure how that shelf Banba is leaning on would have avoided notice until now. Anyway, tensions are clearly rather high, to say the least. Even Kou’s upset, though Touwa seems fairly relaxed, esp in that last image. Banba’s judging everyone, but he seems to have been doing that all episode, so that’s nothing new.

What I’m guessing is that the brothers agree to let the trio try to beat Medusa before they try anything. I’m still assuming there’s some level of poor communication, here--probably mostly on the brothers’ end bc Banba’s too grumpy to communicate, esp w/ people as happy and cheerful as these three, and Touwa seems to be pretty uncommunicative in his own way, too. Given their established reluctance for teamwork, seems likely they’re being difficult and it’s not helping their case much. ^^ And possibly coming off as scarier/meaner than they actually are (though that’s probably intentional on Banba’s part).

There’s shots of 3Knights fighting Medusa, the aforementioned Asuna catching Ui--and a shot of Kou and Melto transforming w/out Asuna, which could be happening at the same time as the latter.

One shot that does interest me in the trailer--which isn’t actually in the YouTube version--though, is this one:

This could be the brothers talking to each other--Banba is focusing on Touwa, but the way Touwa is looking over his shoulder makes it seem like there could be a third person. Maybe that hooded person from the end of last ep? Or maybe they’re talking about that guy and Touwa’s just double checking they’re not being watched? Alternatively, it could be someone else entirely. Also could be this is them arriving at the city early in the episode. Or it could be them discussing what happened at the end. There’s no way to tell when this takes place.

Also, my impression has been that the boys didn’t know about the other three? So maybe they only come across them by accident, or the hooded person tells them? Admittedly, we don’t know that the hooded person knows about the trio, either, but I wouldn’t put it past them to have found out and we didn’t see it yet. Maybe they were hiding just off screen or in plain sight? Who knows.

In conclusion, the brothers seem to be very guarded, direct, and rather extreme. My guess is that they suffered something very similar to what the trio did before, and are just reacting to/coping w/ it in almost the opposite way. I doubt they’re gonna have a Sentai hero or heroes actually try to murder an innocent person--or, at least, they’ll make it clear that they couldn’t actually go through w/ it, even if they say they could; and they’re definitely not going to have them actually want to do so. I will concede that I might be in denial.  But I do also think that, given that the tag for ep 4 is Kou trying to make friends w/ them, it’s very doubtful they’re going to go that far. I mean, Kou is a big hearted, lovable dork, but I find it unlikely he’d forgive anyone he thought would be actually willing to kill an innocent person--meaning that, despite clearly clashing w/ Banba a bit, he’ll have to come to the conclusion that they’re good guys by the end of the episode. So...

Anyway. Digital red bean paste buns for anyone who actually read all of this nonsense. I really wish the week would got faster I’m excited for the next episode, and I’m really curious now--I wanna know what hooded person’s deal is, and what the brothers backstory is.

Still gonna cry when we finally get the full ‘five swords of justice’ speech and full-team henshin. Bc I am a big baby. XD

[edwardlando]

A definitive guide to a life well-lived

As I sat in a cab on Saturday evening being zoomed through some blurry part of Chelsea in the recklessly competent style of the New York cab driver, my friend texted me and asked how I would define a life well-lived. I assumed correctly that she was drunk.

This question brought back memories of a class I took in my senior year at Penn called “Literature of Success,” a popular one among almost-real people getting angstily ready to begin noble consulting and finance professions — both the culmination and beginning point of their lives so far. The class offered a rich reading syllabus with works from Benjamin Franklin (of course), Viktor Frankl, and others which I presently forget, and the goal was to ingest these people’s stories and eventually come to our own answer and plan to achieving success in the real world. And naturally to be graded on the quality of that plan.

I texted her back with a few spontaneous answers from my left thumb and later realized that it would be nice to expand on this list and keep it somewhere.

Here it is. I know that my answers are very influenced by my present conditions and advantages, and that some of these suggestions are more or less within our control. I’m also sure that this list will deserve to be added to and edited over time as more life is lived and more parchment unfolded.

Have a healthy and happy family.

Work every day with people you love and respect, moving toward fulfilling your potential and mission.

Make sure you live the experience of real romantic love and don’t settle until you feel it.

Make sure that your opinions and choices are really yours.

Work to be in great physical shape.

Expand continually out of your current boundaries of comfort and competence.

Do not leave any rock that you find interesting unturned. Similarly, do not let fear stop you from sampling something that you really want to do.

Pay attention to the elephants in the room. When you feel something is wrong, even if only a little, act on it immediately. You are in a position to course correct.

Be aware of your general slope, your dy/dx, and ensure that it’s sloping up and steepening. Keep accelerating.

Don’t spend much time sulking. There is no nobility in suffering for too long… unless it inspires you to compose a nice song or poem.

Reroute and leverage your anger, insecurities and other negative spirals. Make sure that they are not the only forces motivating you (otherwise you will implode) but use them as explosive fuel to propel you forward. Anger is like an extremely heavy unwieldy sword that can be very useful.

Prioritize aggressive decisiveness — even if sloppy — over over-analysis.

Realize that even though many people are wrong (except for this author), they have simply been shaped by their life so far and do not explicitly intend to be evil. Several truths can exist at once.

Do not pause your learning, even when you’re in the trenches executing on the current plan or project that has taken over your life.

Do not keep neglecting something you know is fundamentally important to you. Those things are not the same for everyone.

When the time comes, drop everything for the more important person or thing.

Ask yourself what the people you are close to are great at and suffer from. Encourage them to express their greatness more and help them navigate away from their bad habits and pain.

If you have the luxury to, make sure you work on ideas that directly improve life for people. Those that viscerally confront the human condition. There is no such thing as a dearth of ideas. As long as there is suffering, there will be great novels and also problems for you to tackle and solve. If you are in a position to try tackling one of them, it is almost your obligation. Great people will also be attracted to join you because doing something meaningful is one of the most powerful magnets that exists.

Practice random acts of kindness. You will feel good and these will compound. There is an ongoing war in the world between cynicism and naive benevolence. You are contributing to tilting the scale because your behavior is the reality of the person you are interacting with.

Do not pretend to be morally superior (unless you are on Twitter). Your human nature makes you inclined to prioritize yourself. It is hypocritical to deny this, and yet this does not stop you from becoming a kindly-motivated person.

Spend more time with people you love and who have a good influence on you and less time with people you don’t love and who don’t make you someone you are happy being. You already know who falls in which bucket.

Often ask yourself what you will regret not having done at the end of your life and the lives of the people you love… and do those things.

Remember that nothing matters. And that everything matters.

There is no right answer. There is a right answer.

Remember that everyone feels the same spotlight effect you feel. They are more distracted being self-conscious of their own appearance and barely notice you. You are wearing an invisible cloak, so have more fun and don’t worry about how you look on the dance floor.

Realize that most of what you want is within your reach, usually only a few good decisions away.

Prioritize the spontaneous plan over the planned plan. Sunk costs are a real thing.

Speaking of… the thing about cognitive biases is that even very savvy people fall for them. Sunk cost, confirmation bias, loss aversion, endowment effect, anchoring, halo effect, mere exposure effect, bandwagon effect… there are more. Learn about psychology and behavioral economics because you will learn about yourself and discover some of the hidden forces that have been barring you from making the progress you want. Being able to name them is already a big win toward neutralizing them.

While we’re on the topic of savvy people, keep in mind that even the most professionally accomplished among us frequently make terrible decisions in other parts of their lives. Don’t think that someone is necessarily correct across the board because they stand out on one dimension. Similarly, don’t think that just because someone has made a lot of money they are by definition unhappy in the other parts of their lives.

You’re at your worst when you focus on the success of other people and wish it were yours. It’s the biggest and most demoralizing distraction to anyone ambitious. Let them live their lives and focus on your own story.

Never delay telling people you love them. You should take the chances you get and you don’t know what a powerful effect you have on them by telling them that.

Remember that you too are maddening to the people you love, so don’t sabotage your closest relationships over stupid things. You do those things too, or have other charmingly infuriating habits.

Change your mind decisively when you have realized that you are wrong. You are a work in progress and only the truth and resolution matter.

Write the list of things you’ve been wanting to do for a long time, and go down the list doing them now.

No one — not even your spouse or best friend — can or will ever quench your every need and desire. Do not expect that of them and you will put less strain on your relationship.

Enjoy the warm, snug feeling of being dependent on someone but make sure you are autonomous enough to thrive independently and venture out into the snowy woods alone should need be.

Rarely is it worth using your energy to retaliate against someone who has wronged you (unless they are actively still doing so). You will create more value by continuing to create and ignoring them.

The most redoubtable people are not those who get into street fights.

Choose partners who do not have a fixed-pie view of the world. That paradigm is very difficult to unlearn and is unfortunately tainting.

Realize that relationships compound dramatically over time. Be loyal to the people around you and continue to write the story together. You can move so much faster when you have deep-rooted trust.

If you’ve observed yourself mentioning or noticing something more than a couple of times, pay real attention to it. It is likely very important and should be addressed now.

Think of yourself as a professional athlete, aiming for daily excellence. Now balance this image with the realization that it is a handful of key decisions and events every year that will shape your life. Create and wait for those.

Travel is wonderful, but do not try to use it to run away from facing the important questions head-on.

People only share 1% of their lives publicly. So don’t let Instagram (and people’s selective sharing) make you sad.

“When the student is ready, the master appears.” You are an agent of your own life, and yet.. some of the things you most desire cannot be brute-forced into reality, often because they are not external. Perhaps you haven’t yet found your life partner because there is still a little tinkering to be done on yourself.

It is possible — and sometimes really worth — fixing broken relationships (of all types). If you feel like something ended for the wrong reasons and you miss it, you should put your ego aside and give it a sincere shot.

Speak well of people behind their back and criticize them (if you have to) to their face.

Deliberately expose yourself to more randomness. Enjoy seeing if you can break something about your model of the world.

Let your heroes teach you about general strategy and incite you to do great things, but do not attempt to replicate their exact execution.

If you know you’ve made a mistake and it’s not too late, you should consider yourself incredibly lucky and go fix things immediately.

Don’t do things that compromise your integrity. It is — per the definition of the word — what makes you whole.

Fun is not only reason enough, but one of the best reasons to do something.

If you often tell people you’re not good at something, decide if you want that to be the case of the rest of your life or if you want to try to become good at it.

You’ll be surprised at how good you can become at most things if you apply yourself to it for a year or two. Try it and tell me.

A few subjects worth taking one class in at some point in your life: dance (especially before wedding season), public speaking and / or stand-up comedy, cooking, wine (so you can at least distinguish between more than just white vs red). Knowing just a little bit more than nothing here will feel great and goes a long way.

Go on more road trips.

Keep note along the way of things that you will want to share with your children (even if you don’t want children).

The world is scary, random and unfair. The world is wonderful and kind and always conspiring in your favor (as Coelho would say).

Never let events or people extinguish your fire and love for living. You are alive when you are burning.

Your intuitive voice is the one that is correct.

[ptsdconfessions]

Why dont you support self dx? What about people who cannot get a diagnosis?

PTSD has a lot of symptoms that overlap with other mental illnesses (and I am planning to make a post on this sometime soon). Symptoms of PTSD particularly overlap with depression, anxiety disorders, and BPD. It can be really hard to differentiate between these diagnoses. Even professionals sometimes need to get a second opinion or get you to fill out extra questionnaires to help them clarify what you are experiencing.

For example - you could diagnose yourself with having a cold, or even the flu. But you can’t diagnose yourself with, say, glandular fever. You can pretty much self-medicate a cold and (usually) the flu at home without a doctor’s help. But when it gets more serious you’ll need more serious treatment. And only doctors can provide you with this help, whether it be prescription medication, or even a hospital admission.

In my mind, mental illness works similar to this. Self diagnosis is only useful up to a point. Like…everybody feels depressed or anxious at some points. We all know what it feels like so it is more-okay to diagnose yourself with depression, for example. But self-diagnosing yourself with more serious mental illnesses is where the problems get bigger. I have experienced problems with psychosis since I was 12 years old. But psychosis doesn’t just translate to, say, schizophrenia. There are a multitude of schizophrenic diagnoses, as well as diagnoses like depression with psychotic features. And it is really hard to examine your own symptoms. This is why I have never self-diagnosed myself with a psychotic disorder. There is no way that I can be unbiased when looking at my own psychotic symptoms. Even if you don’t think you are being biased, subconsciously you are. When I need to, I look up tips for coping with aspects of my psychosis, but I don’t, lets say, join group chats or forums for people with schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder (for example). Even therapists or psychiatrists can’t diagnose themselves with a mental illness. Even though they have all the experience needed to diagnose other people, they cannot diagnose themselves because there is just way too much bias.

If you diagnose yourself with something you don’t actually have, searching for help for the diagnosis and (to some degree) centering your identity around your self-diagnosis (not saying everyone does this but you do see it a lot on tumblr) can be really harmful. It can exacerbate the ‘symptoms’ and completely change how you see yourself and how you interact with the world around you.

I do, however, think that it is okay to look up your symptoms and say “hmm maybe I have ____” and then go and see someone about it. That’s just normal looking up information online and then seeking support for it or clarification of what you are experiencing. And I think you can easily search up “help for depression” or “help for flashbacks” or “help for aggression”  without having a diagnosis. Not having an official diagnosis shouldn’t limit your recovery. If you are feeling bad about something it is, of course, important for you to seek help and support for that. It is even okay (in my opinion) to say to yourself “oh I’ve been through trauma, I know PTSD comes from trauma, I’m going to google help for coping with PTSD”. It is okay to seek help for the traumatic event(s) you have been through, whether or not you have a diagnosis of PTSD.

Like I said, self diagnosis is only useful for a bit before it becomes pointless. And I say this as someone who wasn’t able to be diagnosed with PTSD until five years after my second trauma happened. My therapist at the time of and for the few years after my trauma was rubbish so I was pretty much on my own dealing with the aftermath of my trauma. And it’s like…I knew (well..95% sure) I had PTSD, so I started this blog and started learning how to cope with what I’d been through, but I never claimed to actually have a PTSD diagnosis (even on this blog).

Self help realistically only gets you so far. Self help is great, it really is. Workbooks, for example, can be really useful. But relying solely on self help to cope with your serious mental illness can be really dangerous because you’re not giving yourself the appropriate support system you need. And when dealing with trauma this is especially important. Trauma is called trauma because it impacts our lives so adversely that our coping mechanisms basically go out the window. Coping with trauma on your own is really damn difficult. Going through your trauma in therapy is hard enough, but on your own…it becomes almost impossible to function (and take this from someone who was coping with trauma on their own for years).

Like, with my psychosis, I can easily look up tips for coping with auditory hallucinations (for example). But I’m not going to be able to manage my psychosis symptoms without the medication I’m on or the counselling I’m doing. I didn’t even know I was dealing with psychosis until my old psychiatrist pointed it out to me. There are just some things where you just need a trained professional (or prescription medication) to help you through them. This is especially important when it comes to PTSD or trauma. Trying to deal with your trauma by yourself is really hard. And it comes with so so many risks. Without a therapist’s support you risk not knowing what to do in times of great need and making yourself even more unstable as time goes on.

I know how hard it is to not have an official diagnosis. And I know how affirming it can feel when you finally are diagnosed with something you’ve been experiencing. It’s like there’s a reason for all your symptoms, and a weight gets lifted off your chest. But diagnosing yourself isn’t necessarily going to be accurate.  I know that not everyone can see a doctor or therapist straight away to get help or a diagnosis. That doesn’t mean those people shouldn’t look for help for their symptoms online, it just means they shouldn’t absolutely claim 100% to have a diagnosis which they may not really have.

At the end of the day, I will never set rules for who can or cannot follow this blog or ask questions or get help. Everyone is entitled to get the help and support they need for coping with trauma, no matter whether they have a diagnosis of PTSD or not.

This answer got long pretty quickly. I am totally open to more questions or opinions on this topic if anyone would like to add anything. There may be points I missed covering or things I didn’t think about saying.

(Also anon, thank you for asking this question so politely

-Winter xx

I’m sorry if this was a little incoherently worded there was a lot I wanted to say.

[stimtoybox]

So I'm an adult (21) and inthe last few months more and more I think I might be autistic?? I've learned a lot from the community but I have no clue how to go about getting a professional diagnosis. I'm in Canada if that makes a difference? Sorry if this isn't the blog to ask! I've been googling a lot but the sites that come up are all very a$-ish and idk which ones to trust for info

Hey, anon! It’s not a worry. We talk about ND things in addition to cool stim toys. Go you, by the way, for the scary things of self-exploration and taking the step of seeking a diagnosis!

(I’ll remind everyone, of course, that a professional diagnosis isn’t required for full participation in the autistic community. The vast majority of us are fine with self-dx or even just questioning.)

This is hard, in the sense that it how it works depends an awful lot on your region and financial situation, and there’s a lot of different possibilities for how you might go about this. I’m going to try to speak generally (my Aussie may show a lot) but I really encourage our Canadian followers to reblog or comment with their country-specific information and experiences. They’ll be so much more useful to you.

I’ll note that I have no idea how health insurance works anywhere not Australia, so I’m not going to touch that part at all.

The first problem is that there often aren’t a lot of psychiatrists/specialists who diagnose autism in adults, and finding one close to you might be difficult. The second problem is that if you can’t afford to go private, you’ve got even more difficulty. A diagnosis is an adult isn’t an easy thing to get, especially if you’re regional and/or don’t have money.

This is a long post, anon, so I’ve written a dot-point summary and tucked the wordier version under a read more cut.

Summary:

- Gather written information that validates and supports your feeling that you’re autistic, including a ticked-off copy of the diagnostic criteria and discussion of your own experiences.

- Research possible options for assessment in your area, including private psychiatrists who assess adults, local government clinics and university student-training clinics.

- Contact your psychologist, if you have one, for support, information, advice and scripting. If your psychologist works in a specialist mental health clinic, especially a government-funded clinic, this may be enough to get you referred for an assessment.

- Contact your GP/family doctor for referral if not referred via the above. Your GP may or may not have resources for a specialist who assesses adults, which which is why I strongly recommend researching it yourself.

- If you’re not referred to a government service (in which case, at least here in Australia, the GP files the referral and they contact you with details for an appointment) contact the specialist and make your appointment.

The first thing to do is arm up. Print off the diagnostic checklists and tick off where they apply to your situation. Write down a list of all your experiences that you think are explained by autism. Write down why you think a diagnosis would be beneficial to you (school or employer support, say) as this will discourage people from the “well, you may be autistic but the label won’t help you” or “I really don’t like labels” comments. Put together a folder (paper is easier to show to others, often) and keep all these papers together. This means you won’t forget to mention things when you’re doing the stressful thing of trying to tell people why you want a diagnosis.

(This is especially important for anyone who isn’t a white cis boy and might be autistic in ways that don’t involve train monologues. Allistics still don’t have a good understanding of what autism looks like outside of the white cis boy population, and can often be reluctant to diagnose on this basis. It’s not right that you have to do all this, of course, but it can help.)

On this point, don’t assume that they’ll notice everything about you that is autism. If you’re going with a public psychiatrist who just makes assessments/evaluations, you might end up with only a couple of hours with someone who doesn’t dig too deeply. (The kinds of assessments and how you’re assessed can vary widely between one professional and another. Some take several sessions; some give you a quiz and call it done!) If you go in knowing what you want to explore and the reasons why, and present this information, you’re far more likely to get the diagnosis you want. Speaking as someone who’s been through a few general assessments - I didn’t know what I was there for or what I wanted them to diagnose, and the end result was that they diagnosed nothing more specific than “probably Cluster C”. Go in knowing what you need and why you need it. You might not have to lead them down the path, but it’s always good knowing that you can should it be necessary. If I could do my assessments again, this is the one thing I’d do differently.

You can and should take the time here to Google psychiatrists and other neuro-type specialists who assess autism in adults in your area, if you can afford a private clinician and are looking to go that way. Your GP may have to do this anyway, because most of their resources are probably for p-docs focusing on autistic children! If you come prepared with this information, it helps a lot. You can also check out university clinics, as many offer no or low-cost services for student training, which might be more affordable for you. You often do not have to be a student to access this, but if you are, there’s also student-specific services available to you by most universities, so it might be worth exploring this to see if they offer assessments, too. University clinics are probably your best option if you can’t find or afford a local specialist that assesses adults.)

The third thing to do is approach a therapist/psychologist if you have one. If you’re talking to a therapist or a psychologist, you’ll probably be told to go to your GP for a referral (that is the case here in Australia, at least) but they may be able to provide more resources for where your GP can refer you, affirm your suspicions, help you script conversations or provide general support, so if you have one, and you trust them to be supportive and understanding (not all psychologists are), it’s often worth talking to them first. Basically, you’re saying you think you may be autistic, these are the reasons why and what do they think about a referral to a psychiatrist who assesses/diagnoses autism in adults. If you think your GP might be reluctant, having the backing of your therapist can help - just ask them to write a letter to send to your GP.

(If you’re with a psychologist who works in a clinic like a community/government psychology service, your psychologist may be able to direct you to the staff p-doc or arrange an assessment with them, no GP involvement at all. This is how I got my BPD assessment that became a surprise autism assessment.)

The third thing is to talk to your GP/family doctor/primary care physician, same conversation as above. If your GP listens to you, you’ll either be given a referral and contact details for a private clinician, the university clinic or put forwards for an assessment with a government clinic, depending on what options your GP has. After that, either through making an appointment yourself or waiting for the clinic to contact you, you should have an appointment with someone capable of diagnosing.

(I’ll say here: if your GP doesn’t listen to you, get another GP, seriously. Don’t hesitate on this. My original family GP told me, a suicidal person in crisis with chronic pain on WorkCover who couldn’t work, that I didn’t need a psychologist or meds; I just needed to get another job. Needless to say, I don’t see him anymore - five years later, it’s hard not to be aware of just how close I came to dying because of that comment. I just say this to highlight the fact that there are some awful medical professionals out there, people guilty of criminal malpractice, and their unwillingness to support you does not invalidate your need for said support. My GP couldn’t diagnose my depression; he surely never saw my autism. Doesn’t mean neither were there, because they were and are.)

Now, there may be a few or many local differences, so I hope some Canadians can correct me on anything that’s wildly out of place. But the above is a jumble of possibilities based on several experiences I’ve had with psychiatrists and assessments and experiences friends have had with psychiatrists and assessments, all here in Australia.

I hope this gives you some idea of how things work, anon. Good luck. We’re all crossing our fingers here that you get the support and diagnosis you’re hoping for - and we’ll all welcome you here as one of us even if you don’t.

- Mod K.A.

[sonicpositive]

Sonic Character Analysis: Dr. “Eggman” Robotnik

A hero is nothing without a villain, and the longest-standing villain in this particular story is the genius Dr. Eggman. Over the years our favorite supersonic hedgehog has butt heads with the good Doctor over and over again, and seen him characterized many different ways. From a laughing stock to a remorseless killer, and everything in-between. In the interest of being somewhat brief, each of these portrayals will be analyzed one at a time. Let’s get to it!

Requested by: In Honor of Eggman Day!

Non-Sonic references:

Sonic News Network: Doctor Eggman (Pre-Super Genesis Wave)

Thomas “Eyokir” and Evan Stanley: Sonic Adventure DX Commentary

Other content warnings: GIF images (1)

The Comic Relief Opponent

Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog

The version of the doctor most known for painting him as nothing but a bumbling idiot is the old show, Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog. He throws temper tantrums like a child when things don’t go his way, which is very often. Despite his smarts he can’t outsmart a teenager and his five year old sidekick. Not to mention, he’s extremely unattractive.

The thing is, all of these were intentional. The show was going for a slapstick cartoon feel, and in order to do that they had to very deliberately make Robotnik someone we wanted to laugh at. An old animation guide for the man shows some insight that went into his design:

(Source: pr0jectneedlemouse

Remember: Robotnik is not a straight villain. He is an object of ridicule. When drawing him, keep that fat adult you hated when you were a child in mind. Or your least favorite politician.

Big, huge, fat and repulsive.

It’s clear this man is never meant to win. Yet, despite that, there were times in the show where he did come close. For example, take the episode “Over the Hill Hero, where he actually captured Sonic in a small force-field.

Sonic is rendered completely helpless for the second half of the episode, unable to escape or to help the people of Mobius. Attempts to saw through the field with his spin-dash only result in the Doctor manipulating it to trip up his stride and make him fall flat on his face. The only reason he escaped was because of the help of an older hero Robotnik had decided was incompetent. Otherwise, it would have been game-over.

Despite having him be a comical villain very deliberately, his plans are just clever enough that we worry they might succeed. But he doesn’t, because if he ever did he wouldn’t be funny anymore.

Sonic Underground

Another, similar portrayal of Eggman when he was still using the “Robotnik” handle is Sonic Underground... which is decidedly ironic, since it was based off of the Saturday morning cartoon.

He certainly doesn’t look as comical, and his tactics are shown to be as ruthless as those in SatAM. But actually re-watching the show, I was surprised to realize he wasn’t nearly as dark as I had thought when I first saw the series.

And I also realize a way to tell; how competent his help is sets the tone for the Doctor himself.

Sleet and Dingo are constantly bumbling their way through their attempts to capture Sonic, Sonia and Manic. They get some good breaks, and Sleet is actually rather clever, but they’re never exactly threatening.

Because of this, most of our exposure to Robotnik himself is paired with these two, and the fact he even entertains their company magnifies the silliness factor of what he’s doing. Even during the final episode of the Chaos Emerald Crisis arc, one of the most serious points in the show, he falls victim to easy tricks and slapstick comedy, despite otherwise being portrayed as competent and dangerous.

So, as oppose to Adventures Of where he is funny but his plans are potentially dangerous, we laugh at Robotnik here because he might be dangerous, but his plans will never work. Any threat he might have is undercut by the fact he truly believes nothing could go wrong.

Sonic Boom

“But these are old cartoons!” I hear you saying. “They hadn’t established his character yet!” This is true. But what’s also true is that in the Sonic Boom TV show, he’s been given the exact same tone.

By now, Eggmans character has been several years in the making, solidified and polished to something consistent. But Sonic Boom, besides being an alternate universe, doesn’t benefit from this tone. The show is meant to be silly and mostly lighthearted, with the Doctor being an episodic nuisance.

However, this portrayal does differ from the other comedic roles in one important way; he’s shown in many ways to be a secondary protagonist as oppose to an antagonist. Episodes center around him, and he has a somewhat friendly, albeit very complicated, relationship with the heroes. In many ways, he’s more similar to a rival than an outright villain. He helps them if it benefits him, but more importantly, they help him as well.

The episode “New Year’s Retribution” is a good showing of this; with his self-esteem in the gutter, the Doctor desperately tries to best Sonic before the year is over at ANYTHING. And when Sonic realizes this, he challenges him to a dance-off and intentionally loses. Despite the fact that time and time again he tries to ruin their day, when he’s truly distraught the heroes let him win.

The reason Eggman is funny here isn’t because he fails at his plans. Instead, it’s because we as the viewers end up seeing him in some ways as a hero, not a villain. He’s just really bad at being bad.

The Merciless Dictator

Sonic the Hedgehog (SatAM)

On the completely opposite end of the spectrum, the doctor has been portrayed as the epitome of evil nearly as frequently as he has been a joke of an adversary. The one most fondly remembered for this is likely SatAM.

Considering SatAM was in production at the same time as Adventures Of, you can see the stark contrast. His design is much harsher, even including a robotic arm (not shown in the gif above). His personality and how he handles roadblocks is also much different; he’s a cold, calculating enemy who still gets angry, but in a much more dangerous way. Snively is actually afraid of him, whereas many times in other shows his underlings actually are not.

He’s a threat, certainly. But he’s also... flat. We don’t love him, we don’t even love to hate him. He’s just “Sonic’s enemy.” He hardly even seems human. He shows fear in one episode, and only towards Naugus. The only reason we get on-screen for him hating Sonic is that the hedgehog ruined his plans and inadvertently roboticized his arm. He’s barely a character; more often than not, he’s simply a walking “big bad” trope.

Sonic the Comic

I know, not one we talk about often, right? But the Sonic the Comic iteration of the Doctor is actually interesting in many different ways, and balances having a stock “evil villain” character with a realistic, compelling backstory.

Uniquely, in this version of canon Robotnik did not simply start out as a mad scientist in search of power. His intent was to make Mobius completely perfect by taking away all the negative Chaos energy in it. He even functions as Sonic’s origin story, giving him his shoes that provided super speed.

But, the best laid plans never seem to work; his experiments backfired on him and sent everything he was trying to destroy into him, transforming him into the same cruel villain SatAM shows. He terrorizes the world just because he can, and if he can’t have the planet then he’ll destroy it and make sure no one can.

While possessing more depth than other Dictator Doctors, it feels in some ways cheap. It almost seems that he is not the curator of these actions, but rather negative Chaos energy itself. It’s kind of pathetic, oddly. As if his body is just a host for some parasite that wants to suck the whole world dry.

Sonic the Hedgehog (Archie Comics, Pre-Super Genesis Wave)

Somewhere between “to much backstory” and “not enough,” the early Archie Comics issues of Sonic the Hedgehog found a midpoint that worked pretty well. I will admit that I didn’t start the series until after the Super Genesis Wave, and going back to read all the issues prior to that requires time I simply do not have, so I will be directly citing the Sonic Wikia.

The Archie Comics were in the unique position of needing to adapt their version of Eggman as new media was put out to keep it current. They started from the SatAM version of Robotnik, and had to melt game-canon Eggman into more or less the same character. For how difficult a task it was, they did surprisingly well.

Being stated on several occasions as being many times more nasty and evil than the original Robotnik ever was, Eggman has shown himself to be far more prone to toying with his opponents than his Mobius Prime counterpart on numerous occasions. As opposed to simply wiping out Knothole from the get-go, Eggman decided to "have fun" with his Mobian enemies and take the time and resources to engage in "war-games". [...]

Like Robotnik, Eggman is also arrogant, and egotistical, both of which may be his greatest weaknesses. He has a habit of frequently putting "Egg" into the names of numerous inventions and places [...].

Despite his genius, Eggman has the annoying habit of thinking that his plans are foolproof, even when the flaws are quite obvious [...], and not realizing that there may be a problem until it is too late [...].

(Source: Personality section of Wikia page)

The biggest issue with this portrayal of the Doctor is... There’s just. So. Much. His personality grew and changed drastically over the course of the never-ending story in ways that don’t always make sense. Some of his arcs seemed to be the end of him, but you can’t get rid of the main villain, so he came back despite there being no logically believable reason to. Robotic body literally exploded? Built it back. Complete mental breakdown? He reasoned himself back to reality. His character has possessed so many different traits at different points that the question becomes... is he really one character?

The Mad Scientist

Sonic the Hedgehog (Archie Comics, Post-Super Genesis Wave)

Clearly, neither of the two extremes worked well for a children’s video game series. We need to be able to take the Doctor seriously, but not simply see him as the featureless face of evil either. And so, somewhere in the middle, a balance was found that turned Eggman into the character we know him as today.

As previously mentioned, the Archie Comics needed to adhere to new media as it was created, so surprisingly the good Doctor didn’t change that much. Mostly his past was simplified from a giant drama to a set of specific successes and failures, which served his character much better. He still ruled the world, and he still kept getting beaten by Sonic.

The most interesting change this brought was that instead of dealing with robots and robians, much of the Doctor’s regime centered around mobians with free will working under his watch. He no longer works in a bubble of just his own thoughts and plans; he occasionally actually receives advice from the mobians that are loyal to him.

However, this doesn’t stop him from making it absolutely clear that he is the one in charge. He might be goofy enough that they occasionally speak up and offer a different view of a situation, but he’s still utterly frighting in other respects. All of the mobians shown to work for him have cyberkinetics somewhere in their body. If they betray him, they can say goodbye to their mobility. No one would dare say he’s not a threat to them.

Sonic X

I will mention I’m going by the original Japanese for this up-front, because honestly 4kids didn’t localize the series well at all from a story/character perspective. I re-watched the first several episodes of Sonic X in the past few years for a personal project, looking specifically at characterization of Eggman. Going into it, I thought he’d be a comical villain. He can’t be that dangerous, right? He has them gamble the Chaos Emerald on a round of baseball, like it’s a can of soda or something. Clearly he’s a joke.

But then...

Y e a h.

Eggman here is actually deceptively intimidating. In spite of his odd ways of going about things, he thinks his plans through pretty thoroughly no matter what they are. And most importantly, we get to see that on-screen. It doesn’t matter how wonky the plan is, we see his train of thought and realize it might actually work.

But while I was almost always anxious about Eggman’s plans, I never found him frightening. He’s incredibly expressive, often silly looking or sounding. Ironically, I think a lot of the time he uses that to his advantage. “Go ahead, underestimate me; it’ll make defeating you a cakewalk!” He played Knuckles this way, and he played a few of the human characters too.

He’s a funny villain, very cartoonish in looks and behavior. But he’s a smart and capable one, with several plans having victory slip just barely through his fingers.

Game Canon

Of course, none of these modern Eggmans would ever exist without the games. No matter how far back you go, the Doctor was never at one extreme or the other. Even, you might be surprised, in the games without story at the forefront.

You can show characterization through more things than dialogue. In fact, old video games relied on this sort of characterization because of not being able to have voice-acted characters. Large blocks of text on screen were tedious and cumbersome, so the bad guys had to match whatever tone they were going for.

And we got these guys. Not the harshly mechanical designs of the SWATbots in SatAM, not the mildly-grotesque designs of some Pokemon or Koopa Troopers, not even the round but metal designs of the later Egg-pawns. Brightly colored robotic animals. And even at that, the boss fights were entirely different. These were the roadblocks he threw at Sonic to slow him down and hope to get lucky. The boss fights were him getting serious.

This trend was carried over once the games started getting spoken dialogue as part of the story and experience. Archie Sonic artist Evan Stanley and Sonic the Continuation writer/artist Thomas (...I don’t have a last name for him I’m sorry) briefly discussed Eggman in one video of their Sonic Adventure DX Commentary, and the statement has stuck with me ever since.

Thomas: You know what, I want Eggman to be a serious villain, and then even in the “Adventure” games [...] They had this stuff [the Egg Carrier rooms].

Evan: He’s never been serious in the games. He’s had... the promise of threat, but he’s not serious.

This is the differentiation between all other portrayals of the good Doctor, and why we most remember him. He is believably dangerous, his plans have weight, but he's equally ridiculous and quirky in a way that makes him bizarrely lovable.

We want to see him succeed. Just not for too long.

[dxmedstudent]

Hey dx. It's the final year med student on a&e. I'm also the same anon who saw her first arrest. I saw another 2 yesterday (fortunately the 2nd pt survived!) Also clerked some really sad cases. How do you not take work home with you? I thought i was fine, but I had a day off today and I've just felt like there's too much suffering and I'm feeling heavy. Any advice on dealing with it while staying human with pts?

Hello, it’s good to hear from you again. I’m glad that you wrote back; if it helps at all, you’re free to keep messaging in. I don’t mind at all.Learning not to take work home is something we slowly develop. It’s not easy, and it’s not perfect. I find that I take things home a LOT less than when I started, so I think that it gets better with time, but the rare cases that are horrific are still going to throw us a bit. And it’s OK to take time to process it when it happens.I was just discussing this the other day with my friends, that we process grief and upset a bit differently. And I don’t think it’s just me; I suspect that many (if not all) of us learn to compartmentalise to a certain degree. We try to push on past our own feelings, and bury them that little bit deeper in order to focus on what we need to do right now. I find that it means you might not cry when you’re at work, facing the sad case, because you’re trying to be strong for them. Your patients and families need you to be their anchor; someone who is calm, steadfast and does their best. When you start working, and actual responsibility is palced upon you, it feels like something shifts compared to med school. It’s amazing how heavy a stethoscope and ID lanyard can feel, about your shoulders. That’s not to say that people never cry at work; there’s a lot of crying that goes on in treatment rooms or Drs/nurses rooms, usually followed by a cup of lukewarm tea and a hug from a colleague. If you need to cry, then that’s a perfectly valid way to express your emotions, and it can often make things feel better. 

When I was in med school, I was never ultimately responsible, just an observer who was helping out, and that was reassuring in many ways. But responsibility makes you focus, because you have to.  So you do your best.  And then you get home, and you find your mind going back to something from work. Or you watch a sad advert on TV or something, and you’re suddenly crying, and there’s no real reason why. But you realise that you’re emotionally so preoccupied from work that it doesn’t take much to tip you over the edge. Sometimes I’m a stressier, more anxious person than I was when I started working. And I think that’s true for many of us.We just do what we can to look after ourselves, process what’s gone on, and not ruminate too much.I tend to find distraction works well; don’t let yourself sit around fixating on work cases, instead, make time every day to do things you enjoy, which distract you. This has the added benefit of structuring in downtime. You need to have a social life, and maintain some hobbies; med school applications did not lie. It really does help keep you sane. Have hobbies that are relaxing, and don’t require too much effort (for when you are exhausted and can’t really do something that draining) but also pick stuff that truly consumes you a little, that distracts you enough. Perhaps going to a gym, or immersing yourself in games, or something else entirely. For when you need distraction more than relaxation. Self-care is important. If I start thinking about more mundane work things, I remind myself that there’s nothing I can do about them at 2am on a Saturday, so I’ll approach those problems when I’m actually at work. It’s an active process to remind yourself that you should only really focus on something when you’re in a position to do something about it.  I used to have nightmares about overdosing people or forgetting to do something at work, and I find these get a lot less frequent with time. Sometimes the best thing you can do is to try to keep things in perspective. I try to remember that more often than not, there’s something we can do to make things better. For example, one of the things that gets me through when personal life is difficult, like with recent bereavements, is knowing that at work I can make a difference sometimes. The world is a chaotic and unfair place. Illness and resultant suffering is a natural part of life; that’s the harsh reality. Yet we get to do something, every day, which decreases that suffering, restores a little order, and makes some people feel better. Most people might feel absolutely helpless in the face of that much illness, but we learn what to do so that we can make a difference. It’s a huge privilege to be able to do anything at all, and sometimes it helps to focus on what we can do, rathe than what we can’t.Ultimately, if something hurts, you’ll need to process it, and that can be upsetting, but it can also be freeing. And that’s where reflective practice comes in. You don’t need to log all reflection in your portfolio (though that’s great, sometimes), but when you’re more rested and less upset, it can help to think through and reflect on what you learned from a case. Things feel a LOT less horrific when you’re rested, not starved, and not buzzing from 2 arrest calls and the mountain of jobs you have to do.  Or if you can, even to discuss it with a colleague who knows about it.  Reflection is constructive, and doesn’t involve ruminating excessively on a case, or blaming ourselves. It’s all about recognising what went well, and what didn’t, and what we can learn clinically.  Personally I have medical friends I can rant to about the horrors of med life, and that really helps. Sometime you just need someone to say “Yeah, that’s horrible. Are you OK?”. And the act of saying “OMG, someone’s HEAD fell off today, and this person died of nec fasc, and then THIS happened” s what you need. Nonmedics can be great people to talk to, but I personally find that people who’ve been through the same kinds of bad shifts just know what it’s like to feel responsible for the lives of others, in a way others can’t. So I recommend having people you can speak to openly about how you feel.  That said, life sometimes really sucks. we’ve all had horrific cases; young people with untreatable cancer. Sudden deaths. Horrific things. Things we wish we could have changed. And they hurt. Some things will never feel fair.  . We keep some cases close to our heart, as if put away in a locket, but we can’t dwell on them all the time. I recommend reading up on mindfulness or CBT; there are definitely techniques out there that are good for taking control of our thought processes and learning to direct our thoughts when we fixate on things. I know people who have found it very useful. To be truly honest, I think you’ve also had a bit of bad luck with your shifts.  It’s not always so much, so fast; we’d all struggle if it was always that intense. A&E is a bit busier than most jobs, and I haven’t done a proper A&E job so I’m not going to comment on exactly how horrific it is, because I suspect it depends a lot.  But when you’re normally carrying a medical crash bleep, you can go entire shifts without any arrests; indeed I’ve had relatively few in recent times. Some of my friends were like you, and saw some more horrific things when they were on their A&E rotation; unfortunately what we experience is down to luck. I also want to say that most cases you clerk won’t be horrific. When I’m on call in adult medicine, it’s 90% pneumonia, UTIs and chest pain. Some people are sick, but I’ve only had 1 patient die on me when I’ve been on take. Most of the time, people are sick, but manageable. And most of the time you can make a difference, even if you can’t ‘fix’ everything. I hope this helps :)