#i have gotten quite a few not so nice anons in regards and it's just bringing me down even more okay???

[dylanconrique]

oh my god you guys it is far too early where i am at and i have not slept so i of course can't form a single cohesive thought on the chenford timeline, but please stop berating me in my inbox about it, or just be a little nicer about it for the love of god?????

[bird-inacage]

I was thinking about Sand and Top, and why Sand is hanging on so hard to the past, and what that might say about Sand (and Boeing). One thing I've seen floating around is that the way Sand fixates on Top having "stolen" his ex could indicate some ugly things about Sand re: possessiveness, maybe a controlling nature in relationships, like Boeing is some kind of prize to be won. And that could mean that Boeing leaving him for Top might be less about Top and more about not getting what he wanted from Sand. Alternately, it could be that Sand blames Top because it's easier to do than to acknowledge Boeing's fault in the decision, because it feeds into Sand's fears of inadequacy because of his poverty and the ways his circumstances (time and obligations) restrict what he's able to offer in a relationship. Which might mean Sand hasn't really gotten over Boeing because he's idealised him and blamed everything on Top. Which could be fun if Boeing comes back! Another fun thing I've been thinking about is the Checkov's Gun of whoever Sand's father turns out to be. If it's Top's dad, well, that would play in really nicely to Sand's inadequacy issues with Top - my brother who has the things that I should also have a right to has used those things (status, wealth, freedom) to steal away someone I loved. And on Top's side of things: did he love Boeing? Did he just pursue Boeing because he could and then get bored later? I'd personally love it if Boeing was seduced because Top was pursuing him and it was interesting and fun and exciting but then Boeing left Top because he was bored and unsatisfied in the actual relationship and said some choice words about Sand being better on the way out. Let me have Top with a chip on his shoulder about Sand! That would be delicious! Anyway, I trust Jojo to deliver some tasty spicy drama on this front. What would you like to see out of this plotline?

Hey Anon! :)

I'd almost forgotten about that little clue we'd been dropped a few episodes ago. For the sake of contextualising this for anyone else, I'm assuming you're referring to the little model airplane that Top had in his hotel apartment with the letter 'B' on it (as below)?

I haven't personally read any theories on 'Boenig' (aka whoever gave Top that airplane) being the same person as Sand's ex. In regards to the whole Sand VS Top dynamic, there have been very little concrete clues given to us so far. I try to make predictions based largely on what we've been shown and what I understand of these characters at this current point in the series. So for that reason I'll just discuss my thoughts on Sand's ex.

One thing I will definitely agree on is there's more to this story. Episode 6 confirmed that for me. In order for Sand to be so driven to seek revenge on Top, that he would disregard and risk how Ray may respond, said to me that this grudge runs truly deep.

For Sand to be so disgusted makes me think that either Sand's ex was a very important person in his life (a la Mew for Ray), or the way in which Top seduced or caught his ex's eye was really vile and underhanded.

Due to the fact that Sand's ex is no longer associated with Top meant that it either wasn't serious (maybe they both screwed Sand over), or it didn't work out. However the way Top behaves with Mew suggests that's the first attempted "serious" relationship he's tried to have. So the former may be more likely.

The interesting thing for me though is that Sand and Top clearly look like people who operate in different circles. So Sand's taste in romantic partners I imagine differs quite significantly from Top's. What is it about Sand's ex that would have caught Top's eye in the first place?

I also can't get this out of my mind:

When Sand said this, he looked like he was thinking of a specific memory, very likely the whole debacle with his ex.

Something you did mention, which I thought would be really interesting, is for Sand's ex to return. The cast have been alluding to a special cameo by a familiar face. But especially if they were returning in an attempt to patch things up with Sand and rekindle. Because that would also provide a great source of conflict for Ray/Sand.

As soon as Ray sees Sand possibly being 'taken away' from him, he'll realise how important Sand is. Which would align with the below scene and make sense with Ray's personality. He doesn't want Sand when Sand wants him, but as soon as Sand may be swayed, Ray does want him. Again, classic brat temperament.

In regards to Sand and Top being related - I'm not a huge fan of that theory. I don't see what purpose or additional depth it would add to either of their characters or story arcs in terms of writing.

The 'who is B (aka Boeing)' question is still very much at large for me. I can see why people may think B is Sand's ex, but I'm not convinced Top would keep a memento from someone he "conquered" and "won" from someone else. That doesn't suggest a relationship that has particularly sentimental meaning attached to it.

But thank you for reminding me about the B mystery. There is definitely more to come...

---birdie

[joelsgreys]

Hey anon, high school bully behavior is anonymously bullying someone, something that YOU are doing.

This type of behavior is what drives people off of tumblr. Why more and more people pack it up and move to ao3 only or quit writing entirely. Keep it up, anon. Watch what happens, what’s already happening.

If you have an issue with someone, handle it like an adult. Not whatever this crap is. What did you think would happen, sending that rude message? That everyone would say oh yeah, this dumbass coward hiding behind an anonymous message is right. What a hero! They’re braver than all of us, bullying Vee online. Christ reincarnated. But you won’t do that, will you?

In the time it took to decide to send a rude message to someone, decide what that message would be, search for Vee’s tumblr, go into her inbox and type it up and press send, you could have done anything else and it would’ve been better. You could’ve said something nice to a friend (assuming you have any. I suppose imaginary ones count, as sad as that is) , you could have taken a few deep breaths. Perhaps made yourself a snack and calmed down. I think best of all, you could have (and should have) shut the fuck up. Never underestimate the value of shutting your mouth, anon. It’s a precious gift.

I hope someone does this shit to you and you can know how it feels. You’re clearly lacking empathy and it’d do you well to learn some. I’ll start you off with two pieces advice - If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. Treat others how you want to be treated.

Vee, you are invaluable to this community and you’re worth so much more than you could ever ever know. I hope you know the positive impact you’ve had on me as an individual and countless fucking others, as well as tumblr as a whole. This flaming asshole will only ever be that - a flaming, electrified asshole. A pimple on the ass of the universe. You are a brilliant creator, friend, and member of this community. So much more than whoever this troglodyte is. I know you’re hurting, and I’m hurting for you. I hope you can heal soon. Do something nice for yourself tonight because you deserve it. You deserve it every night.

...i may or may not have had to google the term troglodyte

nonnie, thank you for your kindness, first of all. my emoji tab on my laptop decided she wanted to stop working, so here is this heart for you <33

it's kind of too late to tell you not to waste your own energy in regards to that anon, but really, let's just let them be. i've already wasted enough energy for all of us, and i really, really wish that i had been in a better headspace when that dumb ask was dropped into my inbox. if i had been, i would have just kept sipping my smoothie and writing my silly little story, which is what i had been doing when the notification came in lmao.

they caught me on a night i was already hurting, so naturally, their opinion of me did indeed hurt my feelings, and it sucks, but all the love i have gotten has certainly kept me from crawling into a hole and for that i am grateful. i think i shall take your advice and do something nice for myself tonight. <3

[themotherofhorses]

Hi ! I have so many questions about your Aemond (I like him a lot).

We know he's a scholar, and probably a nerd, do you think he was a secret romantic when he was younger ? As in, reading love stories, dreaming of being a knight in shining armor for his love ? Maybe because he had some naive vision of love, but also maybe because he desperately needed to believe that someone out there would love him for who he is ? That, by being "just" Aemond, he would be worthy of love ?

Is Handmaid his first love ? Or did he fall in love before ? And, if yes, with who ?

Did his parents marriage influence his visions of relationship ? Like, because he saw how sad his mother was, or how his father didn't care for her, maybe he resented the idea of love or/and marriage and swear to himself he would never fall for any of the romance thing ? (I know it's quite the opposite from 1, but I think one can dream of love while being heartbroken knowing/thinking it's just an illusion)

Is your Aemond on the Ace spectrum (demisexual perhaps) ? Was handmaid the first(or one of the rare women) who made him crave physical intimacy because he felt emotionally connected/safe with her ?

What are the names of the children ?

I think that is all. Thank you so much for your writing, I can't wait to read the rest of the story ^^

Have a nice day !

Hello my love <333 I love my Aemond a lot too, he's just an absolute joy to write and talk about.

Perhaps Aemond turned to sappy and lovesick fairytales to cope with his environment and the constant teasing/bullying he endured. Obviously, the loss of his eye changes that, as he feels too scarred and ugly for any highborn lady's love and affection. But I think a piece deep down inside him still yearns for pure and true love. A boyish innocence that hangs on like a lil parasite.

Handmaid is his first love, yes! His first and only love because Aemond is a loyal and devoted mf.

I feel that both his parents' and siblings’ marriages heavily influenced his own perspective on relationships and love and his own future wedding, but not in the sense that he dreads falling in love. Aemond is no fool; he knows little to no love is shared between his parents. It is completely obvious. But in the SFW headcanons I posted last week, I also discussed how memories of Helaena’s first pregnancy are an encouragement to be a good and involved father to his and handmaid’s children. Aemond uses his father and Aegon as a “what not to do” to his handmaid.

As a demisexual myself, I wholeheartedly believe that Aemond is demi too. Like absolutely NO doubt about it. I imagine his exposure to sexual abuse on his thirteenth birthday is the key reason he no longer feels any sexual attraction (or craves intimacy) unless there is a strong bond filled with love, comfort, and security. And handmaid gives him AALLLLL that. She eventually becomes his anchor, happiness, and safe space- his best friend and confidant. They’re not just lovers. Her soft touches and kind words touch him like nothing ever has before. Sappy, sure, but Aemond deserves it.

(I picture him during the first few months of her as his handmaid, he just stares at her. Absolutely taken, falling head over heels in love. When she fixes his beloved eyepatch, it’s a sign to Aemond that, “Yup, she’s the one.”)

What are the children’s names? Honestly, I don’t know! I haven’t gotten around to naming them, although a sweet anon sent me possible baby names (Helaenys, Alyce, and Alyssa, which I totally love), but I’m always open to more suggestions from y’all! I mentioned that Aemond wishes to name his daughter after handmaid’s mother, Alys, so their baby girl’s name might be either Alyssa or Alysanne.

I'm so so so so happy you're enjoying the series! I totally fell in love with this pairing so I'm excited to write more parts this week. If y'all have any further ideas, questions, or suggestions for drabbles/one-shots about the two, send them! I enjoy receiving different things regarding our handmaid ☺️

[justsomeoneintoomanyfandoms]

Hii can I ask for a romantic matchup if they’re still open?

Fandom(s): Genshin Impact, Honkai Star Rail

Age: 19 y.o. college student

Pronouns: He/they

Sexuality: Asexual homoromantic (so matched with male characters plz)

Zodiac/MBTI: Libra, INTJ / INFJ 

Appearance: 5’5”, very dark brown, messy hair, and hazel eyes. My clothing style flip flops between baggy to preppy. I have a nose stud and small ear gauges. I also wear clear glasses.

Personality: I am very studious and love learning. I always have questions but often keep them to myself because of fear of being viewed as stupid. I have anxiety problems I've slowly gotten better at coping with. I tend to be a leader in groups because of how easy it is for me to get along with others. I’m funny, I find humor to be very important in my relationships. I’m quiet most of the time, but once I’m comfortable I’m pretty talkative. I try to return favors because people helping me means a lot to me. I’m very creative, like to see things in multiple different perspectives and make new ones. I'm dyslexic and am very insecure about it ;;w;;

Likes: Learning, teaching (I’m majoring in education!), my pet birds, fantasy, history, art, sleeping

Dislikes: Excessive noise, blood (i’m very squeamish), aggressiveness, not understanding things, being judged by I can't control

Hobbies: Reading, making art (digital mainly), playing the sims 4, 

Thank you in advance! ^ ^

Hi Anon! Thank you for your request! Sorry it took a while. I hope you like your matchups!

In Genshin Impact, I match you with...

Alhaitham is a good person to go to when you have questions. He knows a lot of things and, contrary to what many think, won’t tease you for now knowing things. There’s a lot of information in the world and since he doesn’t know it all, he doesn’t expect you to either.

He’s glad you have a fondness for history. That’s one of his fields of experience so he’s happy to talk to you about whatever you want regarding history.

Helps you out with your dyslexia. He knows quite a few books in the library that have been specifically designed for people with dyslexia.

And if there’s something you’d like to read but are struggling with, he’ll read it out to you. He’s got a really nice reading voice but very few people have heard it so make the most of that rare experience.

Alhaitham’s not a huge fan of excessive noise either since he’s always reading or thinking over a problem. He’s happy to take you to his favourite quiet spots to spend time together in comfortable silence.

In Honkai Star Rail, I match you with...

This was a close call between Caelus and Dan Heng. But I think you get along a bit better with Caelus.

Enjoys reading with you. Whether he’s listening to you read or reading to you, he just likes the atmosphere it creates. Those moments are some of his favourites.

Caelus loves listening to you talk about anything and everything. He’s not super talkative himself so he’s content to just listen and occasionally make a comment. He especially likes listening to you talk about history since that’s something he finds interesting as well.

He doesn’t remember anything before Kafka so he enjoys filling in the gaps by listening to you talk about history. Part of him hopes learning about history will help him figure out his own past.

Please make a phone wallpaper for him using your digital art skills. He’ll smile every time he looks at it since it reminds him of you.

[ego-osbourne]

does sanguine keep any secrets from ego or is their relationship pretty transparent??? and vice versa: does ego keep secrets from sanguine?

Ohhhhh Anon, I loved making this ask. Be warned, though, it’s a long one. TW for drug and alcohol abuse and subsequent death.

~

Sanguine and Ego become pretty transparent in their relationship early-on. In fact, being able to share their secrets was the catalyst to ensuring that their relationship could work out.

Sanguine didn’t realize it at first, but after A Night To Remember he learns that Ego is the Dragonborn. Alarm bells immediately go off as he reminisces on a time two-hundred years prior, when he tried this same stunt with Martin Septim. The parallels drew themselves: Martin wasn’t a Dragonborn, but he was a Septim, and the Septim bloodline is famous for its Dragonborn characters. Ego is not a Septim but is the Dragonborn, and so has a symbolic connection to Martin. Both also have a connection to Akatosh, with Martin dedicating himself to the faith and Ego practically being a son of the Aedroth. And, of course, both of them have had some sort of connection with Sanguine.

In Sanguine’s eyes, Ego was essentially Martin reincarnated. Sam hadn’t completely gotten over Martin, even two centuries later, as seen by his dedication to the Sam Guevenne appearance that resembled Martin quite strongly. And so, this Martin 2.0 was a fantastic way for Sanguine to relive his time with an old friend. It was a way for Sanguine to give into his Daedric nature and corrupt that particularly special mortal all over again.

And yet, something lingered in his mind. A dread lingered. Because he knew better.

Sam didn’t tell Ego about his experience with Martin Septim or his intentions at first. He only passively entertained Ego for a short while, helping them with a few errands and quests after the events of A Night To Remember. He saw Ego open up to him, show their face to him, invite them on travels, and share stories that they enjoyed. And suddenly, Sam realized he wasn’t meeting with Ego to accomplish his twisted goals, but to simply be with them and their family. And that scared him, because he’d only ever done that with one other mortal: Martin.

Sanguine managed to keep his anxieties under wraps until being confronted with them when Ego (Moro) is reading up on Cyrodilic history.

Ego reads up on the Oblivion Crisis, the Hero of Kvatch, and Martin Septim. They see that he had an extensive history with Sanguine—or at least with his cult—and questioned Sam on it. Sanguine recounted Martin’s life, saying, “He was searching for knowledge that only Princes could give him. Maybe I wasn’t the best choice in terms of wisdom, but he didn’t scoff at the extra pleasantries that came with my domain. I guess I should feel lucky in that regard, that he didn’t run off to any of the other Princes. … It was the way he talked and questioned me that made me interested. Once I answered his questions, we had conversations. We laughed. We entertained each other. The sex was nice, but… just being with him was even more so. I’ve only ever gained that luxury from two people in my life: from Martin… and from you.” This manages to keep Ego reeled in enough to continue conversing, but also manages to save Sam from detailing the fallout of his relationship with Martin.

The more time Sanguine spends with Ego, the more he dreads it. Because he realizes he’s falling into the same exact pattern he did with Martin: swooning him, loving him, and committing dangerous acts with him until the point of break—an inability to keep his Daedric urges at rest long enough to keep Martin safe. Sanguine was the enabler, and he was dangerous with such a title.

He tries to have fun with Ego the same way he did with Martin. Partying and nights out are Sanguine’s specialty, and Ego immensely enjoys the revelry and feels safe with Sam. But Sanguine can’t keep his dread away for long, and confronts Ego.

He tells them the story about how and why Martin broke ties with him.

It was a night of particularly dangerous, drunken, drug-induced partying. Martin and his closest friends reveled with Sanguine in the Myriad. It was enjoyable to a point. Eventually, the group blacked out entirely, but only Martin and Sanguine would regain consciousness, finding the rest of the group to be dead but without any memories of how or when it all happened. Martin then realized how dangerous his life was becoming, and how his apathy toward safety in favor of bodily pleasure resulted in the death of his friends. Martin lashed out at Sam and broke ties with him, later dedicating his life in servitude of Akatosh before, finally, sacrificing himself and mantling the Aedroth, trading bodily pleasure for the safety of everyone in Tamriel.

And the worst part was, Sanguine could never see him again. He could never confront Martin and apologize properly. Akatosh was outside of his reach. There was nothing he could do.

Sanguine admitted to wanting to corrupt Ego at the start, like he’d done to so many other mortals. Then, how he wanted to experience Martin through Ego. And then, how he simply wanted to be with Ego, realizing that he genuinely loved them. He continues, “But, I’m smart enough to recognize the pattern. This has happened before. So, for your safety, and for the safety of your friends, I don’t think we should continue this relationship. It’d be foolish of you, and evil of me, to continue like we’ve been.”

Ego retaliates, though. They’re hurt knowing that Sam’s intentions weren’t always pure, but they also realize that he wouldn’t be intervening now if his mentality hadn’t changed. They relay this to him, saying, “You’re making an effort to execute this second chance properly. You’re making an effort to keep me safe. I think there are alternatives to doing so rather than splitting entirely. We could keep each other in check.”

Sanguine only sees this as him having accidentally roped Ego into his cult, though, and further tries to deflect. “I’ll continue being your patron. I’ll help you fend off other Princes. I don’t want to lose you, and I want to see you succeed. I’m just afraid that I’d be the first thing to ruin your success.”

It’s here that Ego tries to convince Sam that they fully believe in second chances, as seen by the collection of personalities in the Masquerade. Sam can’t quite connect with that idea, though, and so Ego tells him a story very similar to his own. “I was reckless too, you know? I’m still trying to make up for it all. Maybe I don’t have the same appeal towards sex and drugs as you do, but I’ve put others in danger all because of my pride. I’ve gotten them killed.” They recount the story of how they got their mask, before meeting anyone in the group, before taking on the name Ego. Upon learning they were Dragonborn, they and a band of Whiterun guards marched on Shearpoint in response to a dragon sighting. They didn’t realize that something else would be up there waiting for them.

Ego — who went by Akat at the time — was invigorated by their knowledge of being Dragonborn, thinking fate was on their side, and that they were practically immortal. They ignored the worries of the hunting party and charged at the strange figure (which they now know was a dragon priest), only to just barely survive the encounter by falling off the mountainside and away from danger, leaving the rest of the party to die. In a stroke of luck, they were able to knock off the priest’s mask before falling, and taking it with them. Instead of returning to the battle, Akat took the mask and fled, adopting the name Ego and hiding their identity. Later, when questions arose, they claimed that Akat was a separate person and a false Dragonborn, assumed to be killed in the battle of Shearpoint. They actively condemned their past self and continued to distance themself from Akat. They’ve only shared that secret with Erandur, Serana, Miraak, and now Sanguine.

Ego’s point is that their whole band is a group of people who’ve needed second chances, and that they’re willing to take Sam in, too. Sanguine warns them that he’s not like the rest of their group, he’s a Daedra, and that it puts him at a bigger risk factor than the rest. Ego says that his Prince title is half the reason why they’re willing to try, to show Sam’s better intentions.

They spend a long time quietly and passively debating with each other, both wanting to continue the relationship but ultimately agreeing to spend a night apart and sleep on it. They meet again the next day and agree to try it out. Ego works on instilling their trust into him, and Sam works on seeing Ego and Martin as separate people. There’s some small mistakes that persist through their early days in the relationship, but eventually it all works out, and they keep each other in check and make sure the other is comfortable with everything they do.

Past that, the two of them are pretty transparent. No big secrets are kept from each other, and they confide in each other a lot. Sanguine joins the ranks of the Masquerade and is eventually accepted by the rest of the party, seen as a trustworthy source. Things pretty much go up from there in terms of their relationship.

[timegears-moved]

hellooooo, totk rant anon here again! i'm not feeling so good right now so words hard, but i can't just not send in an ask when you've gotten to the terrako credits/true end and the dlc, both of which i love dearly!

fun dub fact: depending on which language you're listening to the terrako revival cutscene in, revali either chuckles at terrako's antics OR sighs in relief. honestly not sure which one i prefer because both options are really sweet?? good revali moment either way!

and yeah!! revali's part in the credits is still incredibly cute!! though i also love the champion's ballad reference at the end. it's got to be a reference because the characters' positions match the final champion's ballad cutscene almost perfectly. (except for all the other characters being there, of course. special shoutout to rudania climbing all over hyrule castle and no one doing anything about it. they're gonna wake ganondorf up 100 years early if they're not careful.)

and now... the dlc. it's got quite possibly The best revali content in the game (the ultimate proof that he's good with kids! and he glances at teba right before he starts laughing too so it seems like he might have caught on to the fact that teba was worried about tulin making a good impression with him and did it on purpose to lighten the mood...) but having played that prior to totk's release definitely made my disappointment about revali not being referenced at all worse. there was so much buildup in that one cutscene for tulin's role in totk ('someday i'll master the great eagle bow', 'it won't be long before you're master of the wind just like me', etc.) that it definitely felt like totk dropped the ball there in particular.

anyway, on a more positive note, there's actually a compilation on youtube of all dubs of that cutscene if you are interested in that! (or if you just want to hear teba awkwardly try to pretend he's coughing and not laughing and/or revali & company laughing their heads off in 6 different languages.)

aaaaaa i hope you feel better soon anon <333 take care of yourself!!

OH MY GOD??????? i just tried listening to the japanese version and it's a little hard to tell with the others laughing but i think???? i can hear it???????? you're right though regardless it's very sweet either way. revali being secretly nice is gonna fucking kill me.

and yeah when i was watching it i saw how the positions perfectly matched the picture from the champion's ballad perfectly!!! also what the fuck rudania hasn't hyrule castle been through enough recently jahdghdwohwhd

part of me wants to say that the reason revali is so soft on terrako is because he views it as a little kid. honestly shout out to aoc for making "revali has a huge soft spot for kids" canon because i saw it being tossed around in fanon a few times before aoc came out so to see it fully realized is kinda insane. also i noticed that he glances over at teba right after tulin thanks him and it comes across like a nervous glance?? like he's not used to the praise?????? and god i knooooow totk was such a huge disappointment in this regard. not mentioning him was already bad enough but retconning his legacy to be about a sage who you would literally have to hold me at gunpoint to force me to care about is actually horrific to me.

watching it rn!! teba trying to stifle his laugh is so goddamn funny (also i love how that aoc got writing young kids right with how funny and cute tulin is).

[dulcesiabits]

heyy it's cafe enchante anon here again (incase you don't remember me😭: https://www.tumblr.com/dulcesiabits/695412570616643584/yahoo-cafe-enchante-anon-here-i-just-woke-up-and ) i see you post abt virche sometimes and i was wondering if you can talk abt it indepth?? (i dont mind slight spoilers)

ive been meaning to get a new otome game but i think it would be nice to know your thoughts on it before buying it,,, all ik it's pain but not the specifics

Oh my gosh!!!!!! Hi cafe enchante anon ^_^ it’s been a while! It’s nice to hear from you again <3

I don’t mind going more in-depth with my thoughts on Virche!! I’ll give my general opinion and also try to break it down by category and individual characters while trying to keep it as spoiler free as possible, with some vague allusions to events in each character’s route. Under the cut for length ^_^

As a caveat, Yves is locked until you finish Mathis, Lucas and Scien (can be done in any order), and La Salut (Ankou/Adolphe) is locked until you finish Yves.

Recommended route order (in terms of plot progression): Mathis -> Lucas -> Scien -> Yves -> La Salut (Ankou/Adolphe)

My personal favorite characters (ranked from favorite to least): Mathis, Lucas, Yves, Ankou, Scien, Adolphe

Overall: I actually really enjoyed my play through of Virche and I would recommend it to people if they enjoy angst/having to play bad endings first. It’s the first otome game in a while that I had so much fun with that I ended up playing it for 12 hours straight!!! I would rank it up there with games like code:realize, cxm and cafe enchante (in fact, the main scenario writer for CE is the same one for Virche… and you can really tell lmao). I had some minor complaints in regard to writing and character choices, but overall, I would rank it 8/10!

Music: The music was very gorgeous! The OP in general was so good I would listen to it every time I opened up the game, letting the opening video play in full, haha. I found myself going to the soundtrack list so I could replay some of the songs.

UI: I feel like otomate has gotten a lot better with UI. I love the “skip to unread section” feature, the flow chart, and the scene list! It made it easier to keep track of what I had to finish (bc I am a completionist), and the flow chart even tells you if a section has an unread piece of dialogue. The design of virche in general was pretty and neat, and never felt overwhelming or distracting. I wish there were afterstories, or bonus content, but that’s just a personal preference. I wanted something to soothe the angst, haha.

Voice acting: Listen. I’m one of those people who love to skip voice acting before they finish speaking because I read faster than the characters talk. However, the VAs (ignoring the fact some of my favorite actors were on there) really knocked it out of the park. I would replay some of the emotionally charged scenes just to hear the actors scream their lines!! The acting really helped to bring the characters to life!

Art: I’ll be real. I don’t think I would have liked virche quite as much if Yomi wasn’t the artist for it. Her art is gorgeous, hands down. I honestly open the game again just to stare at the CGs for Lucas and Mathis!! I was also pleasantly surprised to see that the characters blinked and their mouths moved in time to the voice acting. My only complaint is that outside of a few CGs, a lot of the ones for individual routes felt… very similar, at least in terms of the fact they always seemed to be static waist-up poses for the LIs, haha.

Plot: The mystery and suspense were extremely gripping, and I was impressed by how most things fit together. I also noticed all of the routes tended to have the fluffier and sweeter moments in the beginning of the chapter before it transitioned to angst and horror and started throwing issues at the characters as fast as it could. My only issues here were the way some of the science logic didn’t quite make sense and made me go “I don’t think it works like that…” though I was willing to suspend my disbelief because the writing was strong enough. Additionally, the good endings sometimes felt more like after thoughts, the way bad endings in most otome tend to feel, and some of them just didn’t provide enough cope for me.

Ceres: Ceres felt like her own character, with her own motivations and personality! I don’t like self-inserting into otome protagonists, so I always appreciate it when they can stand on their own. I think her motivations and development made a lot of sense considering her circumstances!

Mathis: My absolute favorite character because I adore the shy bookworm trope and he was so cute and sweet. I admit the romance felt a bit rushed, but his dynamic with Ceres was adorable. I also felt like aspects of his plot could have been changed to make it run a bit more smoothly for me. I feel like the writers didn’t like Mathis, or knew what to do with him sometimes, and his particular skill set could definitely have been more relevant/they could have made him a bit more involved in the other routes. Additionally, there was a character in his route I simply despised and I hated how the writers tried to redeem them. Some thematic elements of his route could have been elaborated on/carried through some more.

Lucas: Lucas is my other favorite, though I feel like he’s a bit more of a controversial choice in that regards due to certain… reasons. His route definitely felt the most horrific and tragic, but similar to Mathis, I felt like the romance was rushed, or at least needed more development. I didn’t get why Lucas liked Ceres, though I could see why she liked him. His route definitely could have benefitted from more time or even an extra chapter, and some scenes should have been extended instead of being left in summary. Certain thematic elements didn’t quite carry through either.

Scien: Scien is THAT bitch and he’s the most popular character for a reason. His writing was definitely the most solid out of the initial routes, with the plot and romance progressing smoothly without feeling too rushed or like it was dragging. I loved his development and his endings really tied up the thematic elements introduced in his route in a satisfying way. He’s really fun, even if he’s not my favorite!

Yves: Yves is super sweet! He has a bit of a longer route than the others, but I loved his character a lot. He’s definitely the one I think suits Ceres the most, and I loved his development and his motivations. The endings were satisfying, and the way he subverts typical tropes had me SCREAMING. It was so delightful and cunty of him, and I think when the plot kicked up, it kicked UP and I was on the edge of my seat the whole time!

La Salut (Ankou/Adolphe): The beginning of the route felt liked it dragged a bit especially because it was rehashing the common route, and I admit, I wasn’t quite sold on Adolphe as a romantic interest and character until much later in the route. I did love Ankou a lot, and I cried several times when I was playing this route. It’s the final route so it ties together all of the plot points in previous routes and introduces answers to overarching mysteries in a really satisfying way, I believe. There are several tropes here that I particularly adore (and can’t mention for spoiler reasons), and I think it was a fitting end to virche!

[ai-anons-stuff]

A.I Anon bringing you the gewd stuff~~

@eldritch-spouse​

DALL-E Miniiii, nice guess but not quite! The software I currently work with isn't completely accessible to the public right now! But it is a lotttt more refined and adaptable compared to Mini as you will see below! Btw your prompts weren’t dumb or little in the slightest! They were great :33

I had to censor a few of the images so it wouldn't trigger anything on Tumblr! (Would it do that?? Ive never actually posted anything before, ive always been a lurker!!)

Quick note! c: Regarding your thoughts on there being a long way to go in terms of image-generating algorithms, I truly believe we're really close to getting there! It's just that all the good ones are being worked on before letting themselves be used by the public. I've gotten amazing things from these, it's exciting! I mess around with it on the side cause it's fun, but as a person who also dabbles in drawing, it's really helped me during my moments with artist's block! It'll be a useful tool to work alongside of as an artist since it really gets the creative juices flowing.

But that's not what we're here for! Here are the A.I's outputs for your prompts: (P.S some of the faces might look weird, but that’s cuz the Ai isn’t perfect XD However, it kinda works with the overall image at times!)

Naga Monster Prompt:

-

(Shape of Water anyone?? hehe)

Shadow Man Selfie Prompt:

-

(The shadowy figure in the first image on the right looks like it could have been a girl but the Ai forgot to add her legs lol)

Scary Mermaid Singing Prompt:

(The woman on the boat looks like she might be playing the violin for the mermaid creature! How cute, a duet!!)

> The Biblically Accurate Angel Prompt did not create a desired output, but I kinda expected that cause I’ve tried a similar one wayy before you recommended it (which made me laugh when I read it cuz I was like “great minds think alike”). The angel it gave out was a regular human looking one unfortunately ;m; Not worth posting...

Buff Rich Demon Starbucks Prompt:

-

(Oh stars these were some of my favorite XD I didn’t think the output would be that charming and funny!!)

Smiling Drider Monster Prompt:

-

(This is the only prompt that took two tries to get something right, but I believe that is because the Ai did not know what a Drider was. I replaced it with Spider cause when I looked it up that’s what it resembled best and got what you see above! Kinda cute!)

So, that’s all I got!! Thanks again Pinnie for your suggestions, if you ever have anymore monster related stuff I could try lmk! But I can’t guarantee doing all of them cuz I only do this when I have free time! c: Sending hearts!

~ A.I Anon dabbin out

[palettesofrenaissance]

.... 💭

Maybe it's not such a bad idea to stop fanfic writing. At least stop writing pieces alone and from my own ideas, aka the collab pieces. If anything I'll pull through for my mutuals who are writing those too. I hate bringing people down and I don't want to flake out on my promise to work on those. I wouldn't like it if someone else did it so I'm not going to do it. The feel like they're truly the only lifelines I have to fandom these days. I live for them and I love them so.

I haven't done much in these past days in regards to productivity. And have totally been disregarding what my doctor said to do because. Reasons. I feel like I'm being sustained by caffeine in the mornings and alcohol in the evenings flowing through my blood streams. If it wasn't for the multivitamins and my anti depressants... idk man. I should prob stop taking robitussin so close to drinking too...

I had so much shit I planned to get done by now. I should have gone on a pirate ship. I should have done several escape rooms by now. I haven't gotten back with my grandpa to continue my gun lessons. But these anons man

I'm scrapped for cash and trying to write some kind of semblance of a decent fic for a beloved mutual but which involves an odd character with a shitty actor. Bucky barnes all over again. And I live in a dangerous area of town because it's surrounded by convenience stores and good af resteraunts in walking distance so I have to keep looking at my bank balance. I have to take my youngest sister out tomorrow because her birthday was recent and she wants to get free food and stuff for that. And I'm supposed to see another sister but I. I just. I'm gazing at mindless, stupid tv which is surprisingly holding my attention which tells me how low i must have fallen?? And I've emptied yet another tall bottle of vodka. What is this, my third in equal amount of weeks? I was doing so good, why did I open it tonight??

Sometimes stuff like this makes me want to connect with my ancestors. Because I wonder who and how many have gone through shit like this. But my family is a mess. My birth father is dead and was a piece of shit, and I've cut off his side of my family. My mother relatively recently just found out who her birth father was -- at his funeral -- and none of us know her new siblings like that. Her resided father is cool but he's retired and he and grandma help babysit a younger cousin's baby. Ugh. Aunties are too old are too far away. Uncles all have kids. Literally have no cousins my age. Wait I found out my hair dresser beautician is actually my relative, so maybe I'll reach out to her? Visit her??

I'm so unhappy and tumblr used to be my happy place. I only really use this, discord, pinterest, and tiktok but solely to watch videos. I wish it was the same. Kind of miss the days when everyone talked to each other and this site was interesting, even when I was dissociating and being fucked out my mind like I was smoking a pack a day. I'm not exactly in that place again because my current roommate is nice and therefore provides a semi comfort and she has a dog which helps, but I'm moving soon. I wonder how deep depression and addiction runs in my family. I have an uncle who's (allegedly) a recovered alcoholic, and my grandpa too, but. Yeah.

Guess I should have known cause old babes (before most men became obnoxious and pre covid) were a smoker, another was into edibles and quite kinky, and another... idk but we got hot and bothered after arguing

Anyways, I'm typing this why finishing a full solo cup of vodka + ice water + lemon juice + splash of Gatorade for flavor. I have relatives who are White, and a distant distant relative who was Blackfoot Native American so I have a few additional routes guess? It just sucks that the eldest matriarchs on both sides of my family have passed. I'm happy I got to meet them but, you know, still

I should visit the fountain of youth

I need to get out of this town. I haven't been around people who are into the same things as me for too, too, too long

I want bang bang noodles, and birria tacos, and old world pepperoni, and this blackened chicken salad from this resteraunt I'm too afraid to return to because they'd probably remember me as a regular. It's 10:30PM

Maybe take a piece of one of the oldest trees in this region. There's a Madam Toussaude not too many miles away. Should visit that. I guess?? Wish everything didn't cost money

I have clothes in the dryer and I think I'm going to take a long hot shower with music and my stress relief candle going...

I know I can never please everyone, much less all readers, and I learned that during the times I had things published publicly. Wish I knew publications that I could submit to but

At the same time, damn these anons may be on to something. When I noticed that comments dropped significantly and when some of my beloved and talented mutuals left tumblr and deleted their work, I should have known and followed suit. Now I'm going to. But not before doing these things for dragonmaiden, breadtheft, sarifinasnigjtmare, and Em. I can't. I'll enjoy what little joy their inputs and writing those will bring

After those, yeah I'm done. I'll go get in the shower.

[anystalker707]

Just here because of you

Pairing: Gerard x Reader Word count: ~ 2 000 Genre: Angst / Comfort Summary: (Y/n) is never enough to their parents, who want their kid to give up on becoming a musician, but Gerard knows his partner is better than that.

Requested by anon [Hi could you do a Gerard x f!reader where she's crying because she feels like she's not enough to her parents(...)]

A soft sigh escapes my lips as I see the familiar name on the screen. The steam from the sigh quickly dissipates into the sharp night air, the very same that pierces through the bits of exposed skin that my shirt can’t cover and that the fingerless gloves don’t reach, but the latter still makes itself useful as I tap onto the screen of my phone—or at least cogitate to, twisting my mouth as I read the familiar contact name across the screen.

Reading my mother’s contact name across the screen should bring me some comfort, the same it does to the others when they grin and answer the calls with excited greetings, talking with their loved ones after being away from home for so long, busy for most of the time. Instead, a weight sinks down on my stomach like it always does, having my hands trembling a little, not from the cold.

“Hey, guys! Imma answer this real quick!” I point to my phone, receiving a few nods in response, and head off to the side of the hotel’s building to the point the guys’ chattering is muffled in the background. With my eyes closed, I exhale softly and finally press down on the screen. “Hey, mom! How are you?”

“(Y/n), sweetheart,” she says in a soft tone. Maybe it’ll be different this time. “I’m doing fine! Your father and I miss you a lot!”

“Same, I miss you—”

“We were wondering when you’re coming home again.”

My back meets the cold brick wall behind me as I squint at the woods behind the fence of the parking lot. We’re in January, it’ll end in April... “In about three months, mom. You know that.”

“Yes, but...” Mom exhales.

“We were hoping you would come home earlier,” Dad finally makes his presence known and I can almost see the two side by side as the phone rests on the counter, Mom’s eyebrows furrowed as Dad’s lips are pressed together in a tight line. Maybe he’s looking down at the phone with his arms crossed over the table like he did when I walked into the kitchen while Mom was preparing lunch, and told them my band had finally gotten the opportunity of going on another tour, a bigger one this time. “Y’know, with that shitty van of yours—”

“It’s been working quite well,” I hum, glancing at the van, seeing some of the guys are still there. “And we have backup plans in case something happens to it, don’t worry.” Which is half a lie, but hey, we all always solve almost every situation. Or Brian does. Whatever. “And we’re also good regarding money! We could even stay at a hotel this month!” Certain pride and excitement swells in my chest at the thought we won’t wake up as sore as we actually do and have access to an actual bathroom.

“This month?” Mom scoffs. “(Y/n), this is terrible!”

“But look,” I breathe, adjusting my phone against my ear, “we played the biggest concert so far! It was at a venue, Mom, and there were like, over five hundred people, can you believe it?”

“...Five hundred?” Dad hums with a fake enthusiasm, almost doubtful, and clicks his tongue—he’s probably pinching the bridge of his nose—while Mom mutters something in the background.

“(Y/n), you know how the life of a musician tends to be quite difficult,” Mom’s voice trembles a little, tight in her chest, but not as if she were trying to hold herself back from crying, but actually holding herself back from saying more than she is actually supposed to. Like always. “And we don’t want you to go through these difficult moments... You have a comfortable house, a nice bed, that job at Jack’s waiting for you. You don’t need to sleep crumpled up in a van or at bad motels. What are people going to think of you? Of all the years we invested into your studies just for you to try to be a musician?”

It’s hard to define what’s worse; if it’s the way she sounds genuinely hurt or how they do this whereas knowing what this whole pursuit means to me. If the band wasn’t signed with a label and having bigger concerts each time, then maybe I would agree with them, but we have been to a lot of new places lately, with more and more people. Seeing a hand-made shirt of our band made me genuinely want to cry last week—I had no idea we are known all the way across the country.

“I...” I sigh, rubbing my face with my free hand, trying to ignore the lump in my throat. “Thank you so much for caring, I understand your worry, but it’s not just about it. I’m even getting a new guitar soon! We could get new amps, so many new stuff, I’m so—”

“(Y/n), you’re not seeing the big picture, you don’t know—”

“Dad!”

“—you don’t know whether all that money, and time is worth investing in or not! The risk is not worth it! You’re just a garage band!” He almost shouts, then there’s a muffled sound, probably his hand meeting the surface of the counter.

“It’s not like this...” The words struggle a little to escape my throat this time, higher-pitched than I wished them to be. Deplorable. “W-We... We even opened for Nine Inch Nails the other week!”

“And what good is that band, (y/n)?” Mom scoffs. “Can’t you see how you’re wasting—”

The sound of the call coming to an end replaces my mother’s voice before I quickly turn off my phone and shove it inside my pocket, trying to get my hands away from it like it were burning. My lungs complain to me to let out a breath I didn’t know to be holding until now, and along with the soft exhale a few tears escape my eyes, rolling down my cheeks, never drawing any sob or anything from my lungs, only making the lump in my throat more uncomfortable.

Couldn’t they support me just a little? They know how hard I’ve been trying ever since high-school.

The skin around my eyes burns lightly with how the rough fabric of the gloves comes in contact with the sensitive skin as I press the heels of my hands to my eyes, trying to dry away the tears and just forget about everything for a single second, only hearing my heartbeat on the back of my head, and noticing how it doesn’t feel so cold anymore, almost too hot. Something in me always makes me want to hate this band after talks like this, to throw everything in the air and go back home to live the little perfect life my parents want me to, but it’s not that easy—it never was.

I sniffle, wiping my nose clean with the back of my hand, before I can take a deep breath of the cold air, never thinking it’d actually be pleasing. The idea of going to bed sounds so fucking good at the moment. I’ll instead shower in the morning—when it’ll be hopefully warmer—and just get my head off everything for now.

Only Brian is still messing with something on the driver seat when I grab my backpack from the middle ones and finally head to the hotel too, trying to ignore the receptionist’s inquiring gazes while they get my key, and immediately rush upstairs.

“You were fast.” Gerard has his back turned to me, shirtless and sitting on the bed as he probably messes with his bag or something. I take in a deep breath and only hum, but he still whips his head around at the same moment and furrows his eyebrows once his eyes meet mine. “They just can’t give you a break, huh?” I nod, feeling more of the hot, stingy tears fill my eyes. He presses his lips together, reaching an arm up. “C’mere.”

I immediately drop my bag to the ground, struggling a little to kick my shoes off on my way to the bed so I can just throw myself at him. “I hate it,” I breathe as I bury my face in the crook of his neck, feeling the sobs escape my lips while I hug him, but it’s impossible to bring him close enough.

“‘M so sorry about it, love,” Gerard says softly. He presses a kiss to my shoulder, his hand running up and down my back rather soothingly, but this feeling still buzzes under my skin, prickling like fire and making me want to do something, break something. “But we’re all here for you, I am here for you,” he cuts through my thoughts again. “And you’re the most talented and amazing person we could’ve found to complete the band, y’know? You fucking shred, you’re absolutely the best.”

“Thank you,” I mumble, but I doubt it sounds like something coherent or other than just muffled mumbles against his bare skin.

“The band wouldn’t be the same without you.” Gerard nuzzles me softly as he pulls me closer to him, the bed creaking a little with how we move lightly. “We wouldn’t have come so far if it weren’t because of you as well. I’m so fucking proud of you.” He pulls away, just enough to cup my face and press kisses to my cheeks, sometimes catching tears with his thumbs.

Gerard’s hands are warm under mine—a comfortable warm, not warm like the feeling buzzing under my skin, not like my phone or my gloves felt—and I lean into his touch, allowing myself to take in slow and shaky breaths until the tears aren’t so frequent anymore.

“I’m so lucky to have you,” I say quietly, afraid my voice will crack, no matter how many times I’ve cried in front of him.

“And I’m lucky to have you.” A smile tugs on Gerard’s lips as he looks at me through half-lidded eyes in a way that never fails in making my heart flutter. He leans in and presses his lips to mine, humming as I kiss back before he tilts his head to the side a little. “Do you want to take a shower?”

“I’m too tired right now.” I hesitantly let go of his hands to remove my gloves, tossing them away. “Can we just cuddle?”

“Of course.” He pecks my lips and moves to stand up for a moment, getting rid of his jeans, returning to bed only in his black boxers after the lights are turned out, while I also strip down to my underwear, sighing softly—it felt like the clothes were getting too tight, too rough.

Something makes me afraid of looking away from Gerard, afraid he will disappear in thin air, so I face him, smiling in return once he does so, his features barely seen under the orange tone of the street lights that manage to slip through the blinds.

“I love you so much,” he whispers.

“I love you.” I reach for his hand, squeezing it in mine.

“Y’know, Brian managed to fix us a tour in Europe.”

“Europe?” I gasp and sit up a little to see if he’s being serious—despite the grin on his face, he nods. “Oh, fuck!” I press closer to him with a grin, quickly filling my head with thoughts about it.

“Yeah, isn’t it amazing?” Gerard chuckles, but only the softness continues in his features as his hand rests on my hip, firmer. “Look, I mean it when I say we wouldn’t have gotten here without you, okay? And... it’s hard sometimes, but please don’t give up. We need you and it’s your dream. Everyone is together in this, no one is going down alone, okay?” He pauses. “I can’t do this without you, also. You’re... You’re everything to me, okay? No pressure, though, I don’t want you to think you’re tied to this because of me either, it’s just... I needed you to know it. You’re everything to me.”

My heart flutters a little as I smile, thinking about everything we’ve been through, from helping each other calm down from anxiety attacks to celebrating him getting admitted to SVA and when I managed to get us more instruments. I peck his lips, adjusting my position a little to rest my head on his chest. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

______________________

Tagging list: @lubbockshusband | @trans-ylvania

[ryoceann]

Hi. Itk here. Believe me, don't, doesn't matter. Thought I'd drop (after you summoned ha) by given the chaos and try to enlighten the ones who choose to believe me, as much as I'm capable of.

The first thing I wanna say is: stop trying to figure out their relationship. You most likely never will. Fans are stuck on both extremes, when the actuality of it is far more in the middle (perhaps even up or down and all around ha). It's complex and strange and not at all "normal" (as normal as they could be, anyways).

It's not as simple as "oh they're just a closeted couple who engage in bearding and have kids and behind closed doors they're just a regular, old married couple and a big, happy rainbow family".

Doesn't sound like itk info, believe me, I get that but observing the fandom I'd say it almost is because most fans simply hang on extreme simplistic ideas of what their relationship is.

Second thing I'd like to say and unfortunately seems like it's not at all obvious but: do not believe anything they share publicly. Not saying they're lying compulsively, but they are public figures and they have a lot at stake to just casually drop the actual truth of any given situation.

Just don't. The same salt you have regarding itks, have towards them. It'd do you some good...Believe me. Unless you are involved in the entertainment or political life, you cannot even begin to fathom what it's really like, the level of manipulation, falsehood and well, overall deviation of it. It's quite disturbing tbh. So just always take whatever's said and shown with a good amount of salt. With public people hardly anything is accidental or casual.

I think the most prominent question now is...Why? Why would they do something like that? Regardless if you have the ingenuity to believe the little scene they made or not...Still, the question lingers.

With my level of "in the knowness" I cannot for sure say the real reason, yet from the pieces I've collected so far, seems to be a multiple gain scheme. It was a high risk, they were well aware, and it paid out in the way they were expecting, minus small bumps here and there. But overall it seemed to have worked in their favor. How in the hell, one would ask?

Believe me, I used my best sneaky capabilities to find out exactly why but they were smart enough to keep this one locked tight, minus a few loose lips. And from those all I've heard was that "whatever the purpose was, it worked out".

As weird as it may sound to the innocent mind, it's actually not at all, given that even leaked nudes are not at all leaked or accidental, and those tend to (at least in the past) get immense amount of backlash. It's not the first time famous folks fake a fight, surely won't be the last.

A lot goes into public image, it's not black and white as "well but it looked bad on Jensen", "it looked bad on the prequel", etc. You'd be surprised as how little this truly matters given the level of manipulation they are able to pull on the public. And well, even with them...It happens all the time. Both made mistakes far worse than just "not telling my bestie about my new project" and fans would eventually let that go and put them back on the pedestal.

So just remember, always: not in the industry? then don't judge anything because you simply do not understand how it works.

Another piece of itk information I can give besides "this was planned and it worked" is: they are fine. From what I've heard they are not fighting over it or going through anything more dramatic than what they usually have been going through ever since they met haha.

So just sit back and chill out. Breathe, read fanfiction and remember that we will never truly get answers, because even what comes out of their mouths are most of the time carefully thought out and directed to have a specific meaning and effect (why do you think Jared mumbles and rambles so much?).

Another interesting piece of itk: you know how they always say they never fight? Even though that sounds insanely hard to believe even if they were just friends because who knows someone for that long and is constantly together and never fights? Unlikely, right? Yes, as obvious as that was. But unfortunately a lot of you seem to believe that, given the level of shock you had for this little twitter feud (as fake as it was). Yeah. They fight. A lot.

They fight as much as individuals in their situation would. Like I said, not at all what most people absentmindedly seem to think it is. They go through a lot. Way more than anyone who isn't in a similar situation would understand. It's messy, although they try their best to make it simpler in the ways they can.

On top of being in a very complex situation, they both have strong personalities and one of them is quite hard to "pin down". So altercations happen a lot, but they know how to deal, and they are exceptionally good at making sure that doesn't interfere in their work (oh well, at least not any work that doesn't benefit from intense emotional exchanges, anyways 😉...chemistry isn't something random, you know? haha).

I find it quite...interesting (to put it nicely) that a lot of hats easily believe they are a couple that lies constantly about almost every aspect of their lives, yet, they cannot believe they would fake a social media narrative. It makes no sense whatsoever.

It'd do you all good to be a little less tendentious and look at them as, you know...Humans? They are not what they seem to be, just as you guys also take in different versions of yourselves in different situations, they do too. And don't be so hopelessly naive to actually believe they see fans as "hashtag family". This is their work. And as grateful as they are for supporters, they certainly do not consider them family. To the point of never lying and trusting you with their life.

I'm sure they love their fans, but come on, saying they would never lie because that's mean to fans is just beyond naive. They've been doing it all along and oh, another interesting info? They don't think they're doing anything wrong.

Yeah, sounds weird, you'd think they'd feel guilty. But again, unless you were media trained, you'd never get it.

From years now if there's one consistent info I've gotten was this: they don't feel obligated to tell you anything. They believe they are doing "what they are supposed to do, the right thing for everyone involved".

So. Yeah. And hell, they are right about not being obligated to say anything about anything, I guess.

Well, I hope that was helpful or at least entertaining. It's hard to share info without accidentally making it obvious who I am for the lurkers (sure you guys were well aware that they lurk around the fandom). But it's safe because as long as I don't provide evidence, I'm fine. Just walking a thin line between sharing and not sharing something too specific that would be easy fir them to know who has that info and although they can't do anything against itks, they can manage to cut us off somehow and I enjoy having access lol, so that'd be a bummer.

Anyways, take itks and J2 themselves with a ton of salt haha! You are lovely, btw, you seem very kind and I enjoy your blog very much! much love!

itk anon everything you said was <333 and i agree with like almost all of it. very nice analysis and ask thank you ! i don't always believe everything j2 put out but the whole stunt being a false narrative just seems wrong so idk what to make of it. regardless i myself can sometimes get carried away in my star-struck love of j2. and i am a tinhat so well :) and now they look to be really good and taking a break from here was well worth it <3

''You are lovely, btw, you seem very kind and I enjoy your blog very much! much love!'' i love u so much hope u have a great day !

[winter-soldier-vibes]

I wasn’t there

Bucky x reader

Word count: 2510

Warnings: self harm/self harm scars, little bit of angst, mostly comfort, tears

Summary: Reader self harms and Bucky sees her scars one day on a mission by accident. He feels guilty and wants to help her as much as he can now that he knows. 

Based on the quotes: "Show me your scars, I want to see how many times you needed me and I wasn't there"

A/N: Thank you SO MUCH to the anon who sent this in! Not going to lie I was bawling writing this, I love it so much. This deals with heavy topics and mental health so as always, if you feel that reading this will be harmful to your journey in any way, please feel free to skip it. As always, I am here to talk about anything you guys may need. 

A/N 2: Ok there’s a part at the end that I don’t think is technically canon but it’s rumored and has been talked about before in regards to some of Bucky’s scarring on his left arm. I know it’s not a confirmed canon thing but it honestly works so well and I believe it’s true, please don’t come at me for that. <3

Tags: @buckys2thicc @thatfangirl42 @mardema @stucky-on-spiderman @barnesplums @peggycarter-steverogers @abitgryffindorky @buckfics  @freigeistundanderes  

Main Masterlist 

------------------------------

You trudged back to your room in the compound, exhaustion taking over your body. You had just gotten back from a mission that had taken the life out of you, more so than any others on the team. You had the power to control elements, but whenever you did it drained the energy out of you. At one point you had been surrounded, forcing you to lift the ground around you to knock everyone back. 

It was more than you had ever done at once, and nearly made you pass out. 

You were able to finish the mission, but you were absolutely exhausted, the worried eyes of Steve, Bucky, Bruce, and Natasha looking over at you. Nat was flying the quinjet, but still glanced back at you from time to time. Bruce was there mainly for medical help, as there wasn’t need for a code green. Steve was just Steve, being worried about you as your Captain. And as the friend of your boyfriend.

Bucky meanwhile would not leave your side. He was concerned, even after Bruce had determined you were nothing more than completely exhausted. He insisted on you lying down and him staying next to you. It was nice to know that he cared about you so much, he would do anything to protect you.

Which is what made your heart ache when you saw his face drop when you had said you were fine, and walked off to your room when you had arrived home.

It wasn’t that you wanted to be around him, not at all. It was just that you wanted to take a shower and wash the sweat and grime off of you, and you didn’t want him to see. Not yet, you hadn’t told him yet.

When you closed the door to your room, you peeled off your uniform, exposing your skin littered with scars varying in depth and age. You turned the water on and leaned against the countertop as you took in yourself. 

God, you hated them. 

You had struggled with self harm for a while now, but it was better than it had been before. It had been really bad before you had started dating Bucky. It’s not like it magically went away when you did, not at all, but just being around him made it easier. Him telling you how much he loved you, spending time with you, you helping him feel more secure. You weren’t alone in your head as much, 

He helped and he didn’t even know it. 

You traced your fingers over the most recent ones on your wrist from a few days ago. They had scabbed over by now, but the memory was still fresh in your mind. It was a panic attack in the middle of the night, and you didn’t want to wake anyone. You knew this would help you and it did. It grounded you back to the moment, calming you down as you focused on the stinging sensation rather than the panic. 

You looked down at all the other marks you had made. Most of them were on your thighs, because they were the easiest to hide. It was easier to wear pants in the summer than long sleeves. But you were running out of room, moving to your arms instead, trying to stay away from your wrists. But a few days ago you couldn’t even think about it through your panic attack. Sometimes you couldn’t think about it, being so overwhelmed that you weren’t quite aware of what you were doing until you saw the blood.

 You remembered making every single one of them. They all had a story, a reason. And all of them were different. 

You wanted to tell Bucky, you knew you would have to eventually. The two of you had avoided intimacy up until now, and slept in different rooms unless either of you was having a rough night and asked the other to stay. It wasn’t that you didn't want to be intimate with him, you had been together for months. But you had to tell him about this first

And you couldn’t find a way to quite yet.

You just couldn’t find the right time or words. You didn’t want to scare him off, and you didn’t want him to look at you in the sad, concerned way that people usually do with this sort of thing. You didn’t want to put this on him. And you for sure didn’t want him to blame himself.

You sighed, tearing your gaze from the mirror. You stepped into the shower, letting the warm water wash over you. You stood there like that for a few minutes before you moved to wash your body, taking your time. You had no plans tonight other than going to sleep. 

Bucky had watched you walk slowly back into the tower, wanting to follow you but also wanting to respect your boundaries and space. You were exhausted, but he wanted nothing more than to comfort you the entire night. But you didn’t want him too, and he wanted to respect that.

Still, it broke his heart to watch you limp away. He felt helpless. 

He couldn’t help but wonder if something was wrong with you. The way that the two of you had been together for as long as you had without some form of intimacy. He was patient, he would never want to push you, but he wondered why. Whenever the two of you had a conversation you had seemed to stiffen slightly and get uncomfortable. 

He never pressed it. Just dropped it and hugged you, telling you it was fine to wait. 

But the more time passed, the more helpless he felt. He felt like you were hiding something from it. He just wished he knew what it was so he could better help you. But in a way he understood. Everything that he had gone through - forcing someone to open up usually unintentionally makes them shut down. 

Even so, as he went back to his room he couldn’t stop thinking of you. He took his own quick shower, putting on sweats and a T-shirt before he came to check on you. He just wanted to make sure you were alright.

You had gotten out of the shower yourself, slowly drying yourself off before going back to your dresser to find something comfortable to wear. It was brutally hot and you were exhausted, pulling on a tank top and shorts. You were about to go back to lie down when you heard a soft knock on the door.

You sighed in frustration, closing your eyes for a moment. “Yeh, just a minute,” you said, exhausted, grabbing a pair of sweatpants and a loose sweatshirt to pull over yourself. You walked over to the door and opened it slightly, giving the man in front of you a tired smile.

“Hey Bucky.”

Bucky’s face softened, a small smile spreading on his face. “Hey doll. I - I know you said you wanted some time to yourself but I just wanted to check on you.”

You smirked at him slightly. “I’m just about the same as when we walked off the quinjet Bucky.” You shrugged, tugging your sleeves down - nervous habit. “I’ll be fine, I’m just really tired.”

Bucky looked you up and down quickly. “You sure?”

You hesitated a moment longer than you should’ve, quickly bringing yourself out of it. “Yeah.”

“You don’t sound sure,” he said gently. “Can I stay with you tonight?”

“Look I’m fine, I just want to go to sleep. I’m exhausted.”

“Please? Let me take care of you, it’s been a long day,” he said.

“You don’t have to Bucky,” you started, shaking your head lightly.

“I want to,” he assured you.

Sighing, you opened the door more to let him in. it wasn’t that you didn’t want him to stay, you did in a way. You always slept better with him there. You just really wanted to take off the sweats. But that would mean having a conversation that you weren’t ready for.

Sweat was better than tears.

You climbed into bed and Bucky laid down beside you, wrapping his arm around you. He kissed the temple of your head as you relaxed back against his chest. “Try to get some rest sweetheart.”

You hummed, already feeling exhaustion overtake you as you closed your eyes, drifting off to sleep faster than you ever had.

-----------

You woke the next morning feeling much better than the night before. You shifted slightly, feeling Bucky’s arms still around you. 

“Good morning sleeping beauty.”

“What? What time is it?” you asked sleepily.

Bucky chuckled behind you. “It is almost noon.”

Your eyes widened as you started to sit up. “What? I slept that long? How long have you been awake, I’m sorry -”

“Hey, sweetheart, don’t worry about it. I've been awake for a while but it’s no problem. You needed the rest and I’m glad you got it.”

You hummed again in acknowledgement, reaching your hands up to rub your eyes. What you hadn’t realized was that while you were asleep, your sleeves had ridden up slightly. You never had to worry about your wrists because you had never gone down that low on your arms. 

“Angel, what’s that?” Bucky asked, grabbing your arm gently to get a better look. You took your arm away quickly, tugging your sleeve down. You shook your head and crossed your arms as you stood up. “It’s nothing, really. I’m gonna go shower.”

“It doesn’t look like nothing,” Bucky said, standing and walking over to you. You tensed, and he noticed. “Did someone hurt you?”

“Please drop it Bucky,” you pleaded, still unable to meet his eyes. 

“Y/n I swear if someone hurt you -”

“I did it.” you blurted out, surprising you both. You took a shaky breath, and Bucky felt his heart drop, praying he had heard you wrong. 

“What?” he asked, barely audible. The only noise was your heart hammering in your ears. You swallowed, looking down at the ground and fiddling with your sleeves again. 

“I hurt myself sometimes,” you said with a small shrug. “It helps.”

“With what?” he asked, carefully. 

You met his eyes, tears pricking your own. “Everything.”

Silence. Bucky walked towards you slowly, pulling you into a hug, as you closed your eyes, silent tears falling. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t know how to.” you said simply. “I was embarrassed and ashamed, and I didn’t want you to blame yourself.”

He held you tightly, rubbing a hand up and down your back as more tears fell despite you trying to hold them back. “Can I see?”

You pulled back and tensed up, looking at him. “What?”

“Show me your scars,” he said.

You shook your head slightly, confused. “Why?”

“Because I want to see how many times you needed me and I wasn’t there,” he whispered.

You looked at him for a moment. “Bucky, I can’t do that, I -”

“Please y/n,” he whispered. “It’s just me.”

You studied him for a moment before nodding. With shaky hands, you pulled the sweatshirt over your head, dropping it on the floor and resisting the urge to cross your arms. You stepped out of your sweatpants next, keeping your eyes downcast. You heard a sharp intake of breath from Bucky, but you weren’t able to look at him yet.

Bucky felt his heart shatter at the scars littered across your arms. There were so many marks, he didn’t want to even think about how many there were. He felt tears prick his eyes but he knew he had to be strong right now. It pained him how much you were hurting and how oblivious he was. He took your hands in his, you still unable to look at him.

 “I’m so sorry it took me this long to be there for you.”

You shook your head, looking at him. “Don’t do that to yourself, please, it’s not your fault Bucky. You’re the reason it’s not worse.” You turned around and crossed your arms. “ I’m sorry, Bucky, I didn’t know how to tell you. They’re ugly, they’re disgusting. I’m disgusting. Who’s so fucked up that they have to slice open their skin to make themselves feel better? I hate myself more than anyone I’ve ever known. How pathetic is that?” 

“Y/n, can you look at me?”

Trying to blink back tears, you met his gaze again, his eyes glassy. “Your fight is our fight. None of this is your fault, don’t apologize for how you had to fight on your own. I’m here now, okay?” His hand ghosted over your scars. “These scars right here are your battle scars. They tell your story of how strong you are. Never be afraid or ashamed of that, okay?” 

You looked down, still embarrassed. 

“Hey, y/n. It’s okay.”

Before you could respond, Bucky took off his own shirt, something he had never done in front of you. Your eyes found the scars where metal met skin, most of them faded but had obviously been deep. You reached your hand out to trace over his scars.

“When they gave me this arm and they were starting to tortue me I would scratch at it. Whenever I had been out of cryo for long enough I would start to remember and claw at it too, before they wiped me again. I thought I was a monster.”

You shook your head. “No, Bucky that wasn’t your fault, you didn’t ask for Hydra to do all those things to you.”

“You didn’t ask for your mental struggles either. So why are you ashamed?”

“You didn’t ask for the metal arm, you wanted to get rid of it. It wasn’t in your control. This, what I do, I choose to do it every time. It doesn’t feel like a choice but I still pick up the knife.”

“But I bet if you could you would choose to put it down, yeah?” he brushed a piece of hair out of your eyes. “It’s okay y/n. Don’t be ashamed of how you helped yourself survive.”

You nodded, taking a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”

He shook his head and pulled you into another hug. “Don’t apologize for letting me be a part of your story.”

[writertitan]

Saturday Cartoons

pairing: levi x reader

word count: 2001

themes: semi-mature content, morning after fluff, some good old-fashioned friends to lovers 

requested by anon

Sunlight peered curiously through Levi’s curtains and caressed your face and your bared shoulders, gently coaxing you out of whatever dream you’d been having, already long forgotten. Though your back is turned to Levi now, you feel his warmth radiating towards you. With a blush, you remember the previous night, how his warmth enveloped you and made you dizzy with pleasure. 

It had been the first night together after prancing around each other idly for months and months, always flirting secretly with glances and touches, never following through. After all, it was a little unwise to sleep with a friend. Nonetheless, you’d been invited along to happy hour with Levi and your little group, laughing into the night with no care for the time. The Friday night happy hours were the best; drinks upon drinks after everyone got off of work, empty complaints about the trials of the day and sometimes the entire week, and no worry about needing to go back the next day to do it all again. 

Last night, however, things were electric in that buzzing bar with Levi and your mutual friends. It was one of the only times that you could stare at him as much as you wanted. Other times, everybody else strived to be inclusive, group conversations forcing you to look between everyone equally. Gawking at Levi would have earned a few jokes, a few jabs at your expense. But as the night wore on, your friends all getting more and more tired, more intoxicated, wrapping themselves into more intimate conversations of pairs of two or sometimes three, you seized the opportunity to melt into a one-on-one conversation with Levi. And, with each drink, the two of you had gotten closer and closer, thighs touching, shoulders brushing, and you were happy. It came as a shock when Levi whispered in your ear that you had to be more discreet so your friends wouldn’t get suspicious, more of a demand than anything. The acknowledgment of where this was headed was a surprise. Usually, the two of you skittered around it, halted the flirting before it became too serious, too solid. Not tonight. He told you to wait until it was time to go, and then you’d catch an Uber together. All you did was nod. 

Now here you were, in his bed, one hand tracing the edges of sunlight on his crisp sheets as you struggled to prepare yourself for the inevitable and awkward morning after. 

Your head throbbed just a tad, only a mini hangover dulling your mind, which you were thankful for. It was nice to be able to enjoy the morning, breathing slowly and evenly as you replayed last night in your mind over and over, your eyes closed as you thought of Levi’s lips, his hands…

His hands. 

Your eyes snapped open when you felt feather-light traces down your spine, fingertips caressing you softly, barely noticeable had you not already been awake. Your face got hot instantly, knowing Levi was awake too, and you contemplated whether you should turn around or not. 

Silly, you thought to yourself, I should turn around.

So you did, your eyes finding Levi’s stormy ones as his hand retreated back to his own bubble of space. He looked a little embarrassed, as though he’d been caught red-handed, but he played it off coolly. 

“Good morning,” you whispered, voice still raspy from sleep. 

“Good morning,” he echoed, eyes unreadable for a moment as he regarded you. Again, your face heated up, not knowing what to do next. Maybe he hadn’t expected you to stay the night? Maybe he’d expected you to leave before he awoke? 

“I had fun last night,” you said, honest as can be. Slowly, you realized it wasn’t as awkward as you’d anticipated. Levi was, after all, still a dear friend to you. Things had just reached a new level. You contemplated for a moment how that would change things going forward. 

Levi didn’t respond, but you smiled brightly upon seeing the small upward curve of his own lips, a rare smile gracing his features. One thing you knew about Levi: he smiled with his eyes. Even if a smile didn’t play on his lips sometimes, you could always see it in his eyes. 

The rare smile on his lips touched the smile in his eyes today. 

A silence wrapped around you again, not awkward but not comfortable, but filled with something you couldn’t quite make out. Unspoken words. 

“There’s...a brunch place across the street,” Levi started, clearly a little uncomfortable, “Are you hungry?” 

As if on cue, your stomach rumbled and you hid your blush by burrowing most of your face into one of his pillows, eyes still on his as you smiled with pure embarrassment. 

“I’ll take that as a yes.” 

“How embarrassing,” you complained, but you laughed as the words tumbled out. You sat up, shyly keeping the sheets wrapped around you. “Let’s go. I think a Bloody Mary will help with my headache.” 

Levi perked up at that, cocking his head to the side. “Hungover?”

“Not quite, but I guess I had enough to make me feel nasty,” you told him, easily slipping into a normal conversation with him. 

“Wait here,” he muttered, and you catch the way he hesitates before throwing the sheets off himself to bare himself to you. Of course you’d seen it all last night, but it was different in the morning, in the muted daylight peeking into his room through his curtains. Bashful, you looked away, also wanting to respect his privacy as he pulled on his boxers. 

While Levi was gone, you scrambled to dress back into your clothes. You hadn’t made it very far, only able to have put on your undergarments and shirt, before he was back with a bottle of water and a bottle of painkillers. The thoughtful gesture made you blush again and you smiled, shy and grateful, as you took them from him.

“Thanks, Levi,” you said, popping two pills into your mouth and chasing them with some water. You were sitting on his bed, legs tangled into the sheets once more for some warmth, and you gazed at him as he also sat back down to join you. “So, when are we headed out?” 

Levi was quiet for a moment, his expression a little thoughtful, but you couldn’t read the other emotion there until he spoke up. 

“I was thinking we could just order in. Eat it here? Maybe just hang out?”

The idea made you perk up, finally picking up on that subtle shift in the atmosphere around you. Of course things weren’t going to be the same after sleeping together, but there had been a part of you that had been so sure that things weren’t going to change too much. Levi was offering to spend more time together and it made your head spin. 

Not just a one night stand. You’d never wanted it to be, but this felt almost surreal. 

You found yourself nodding eagerly before you registered what was happening. 

Levi pulled up the website and let you look through the menu on his phone, not so subtly leaning in close so your cheek pressed against his shoulder as you browsed. Being more or less on the same page, wanting to still spend time together and not disregard last night as a one time thing, had made the energy clear and the awkwardness dissipate. You protested with Levi when he paid for the entire order, offering to give him money, but he scoffed and told you to knock it off. 

Neither of you made a move to leave the bed. Unlike last night, this mood was calm and relaxed, both of you leaning into each other as you sat up against the headboard and gossiped and resumed your conversation from last night while you were still out at the bar. It was so easy with Levi, always. The only difference now was that you still felt nervous to test the waters. You were side by side, shoulders together with one of your legs draped carelessly over his, but could you stroke his arm if you wanted? Could you rest your chin on his shoulder while he talked about his clueless new intern? 

The doorbell rang in the middle of one of your own tangents and you hesitantly pulled away from Levi to follow him to the door. He had pulled on a t-shirt and some sweatpants to go and answer to pick up your breakfast, and you awkwardly swayed in the background just out of eyesight, still clad in just your shirt and underwear. 

As you moved to sit at Levi’s small dining table, he gives you a questioning look and nods to his living room. 

“More comfortable,” was all he said, and you agreed. You sat on his couch and helped him take out your containers of food, watching Levi turn on the TV and immediately flip to the channel still showing Saturday morning cartoons. Your breath can’t help but catch in your throat as you flashed a small smile; you’d mentioned in passing last night that you sometimes liked to watch cartoons on your lazy days. The fact that Levi had remembered made your heart flutter. 

This time, you weren’t going to be so shy and question if something was okay or not. The energy around you both was constantly shifting, ebbing and flowing, but there was no denying it. Though the question hadn’t come up just yet, you felt it now, stronger than ever: this was a new beginning. 

You felt more confident about the way you pressed into his side as Levi smeared jam onto some toast with a plastic knife, and mumbled a thank you when he gave it to you to snack on. He casually lifted his legs to rest on the coffee table, with you mirroring him, and the both of you rested your breakfast on your lap as you watched cartoons. 

Levi, always the ridiculously fast eater, finished way before you did and moved to immediately clean up after himself, but found himself right back at your side moments later. This time, however, his hands were free and you watched him stretch his arms above his head, not-so-subtly moving one behind you on the couch, and then slowly moving down to rest around your shoulders. You leaned into him and offered him a bite of your pancakes, which he was happy to munch on. As if it were the most natural thing in the world. 

Each action got a reaction from you. When he started stroking your arm lightly with his fingers, you rested your head on his shoulder, eyes still on the screen. When you were finished eating and he wordlessly set the container aside without getting up to properly clean up, not wanting to make you feel like anything less than a welcome guest, you were huddling closer into him, practically on his lap. You knew the two of you were feeling the same. Nervous, excited, confused.

Finally, during a commercial, you were building the courage to speak the words into existence. However, Levi beat you to it. 

“Is this okay?” he asked, head tilted down to look at you, still resting on his shoulder. You blinked a few times to regain composure, biting your lip as you looked at him. 

You knew what he meant, of course. Did you want to be here? Did you want to be like this? Was the direction this was going okay with you? 

“More than okay,” you replied in a breathy whisper. Levi physically seemed to relax under you and you couldn’t help the small chuckle that left you. “I’m...really happy. I don’t regret any of it.”

“Me too,” Levi assured you. 

You felt a hand in your hair, threading through it gently, calming you, a silent action to let you know that he was willing to give this a try if you were. 

And you were. 

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

Let’s talk: Vlive Asks and comment/chat discussions

From @cottoncandykings​: Hello! As u probably know jimin just went live recently and again he mentioned mandaggo and discussing about doing it with tae. I just find it so weird though. I mean jimin keeps constantly mentioning it and its not like vminnies were begging or dying for a vmin live everyday even before jimin mentioned it last year. Even now most including myself dont really care that much ofc i m happy if they do one together. But the way jimin keeps mentioning it is so weird. Like surely if he wanted to do it so badly he could have talked to tae privately and arranged it by now. And if tae is the one that doesnt want to do it then idk why jimin is pushing it. But what was really weird to me this time was that he said there were lots of comments about mandaggo yesterday in zoom call and yet they didnt mention it yesterday but suddenly today without prompting he talks about it. I also hope no one spammed the zoom call chat or the vlive chat with requests for vmin live (i didnt see any) bcoz thats just unnecessary and demanding. I hope vminnies wont demand/ ask for another memeber when one of them is live. Its just disrespectful. This turned into a rant sorry. Do you think it was weird too?

Since Admin 2 can’t type their thoughts themselves, I’ll relay their thoughts to you instead, since they had more thoughts/opinions/ideas in regard to this than I do, to be honest.

Admin 2 is sure that there is a good chance that we will get a vmin vlive sometime soon, which I know contradicts their original opinion and post from a few months ago, but there’s a reason for it. During the zoom meeting between BTS and ARMY they noticed something I don’t think anyone else noticed, or at least neither of us has seen any vminnies mention it anywhere, which in conjunction with Jimin’s vlive today and saying how he’d talk to Tae about doing a mandaggo vlive again, as well as another observation a little while ago, leads them to this conclusion.

So, the observation from the zoom meeting. Basically at one point when the question of Jimin doing a vlive arose Tae looks at Jimin and then he nods while smiling which in turn makes Jimin smile as he turns away from Tae and back to face toward the camera before answering the question and saying how he’ll come visit us the next day. Which he did.

Then the other observation from a while ago, this one being from their OT7 vlive celebrating their BBH100 #1 on June 29th where at one point Jimin says something but slips into satoori after which Tae encourages him to say that again but this time in the Seoul accent, so the way they actually should speak, which Jimin says isn’t difficult but he doesn’t actually end up repeating what he said.

And lastly in today’s vlive Jimin mentioned how he’s using satoori quite often but that he isn’t all that good at doing it on command or at teaching it to others, which is something he’d have to do for mandaggo but I’m sure he’d manage just fine if the time came for it.

Based on that Admin 2′s thoughts are basically that Jimin really meant it when he said, last year, that he’ll bring Tae around for a vlive, that it wasn’t a joke or a way to tease us with something he knew he wouldn’t be able to deliver, but rather that up until this point they weren’t quite sure how to do it. Which sounds a bit odd, I know, but what they mean is that if vmin were to just sit down in front of the camera and were supposed to just talk based on what the chat would give them, it would likely just turn out awkward and weird and no one, including them, would really have fun. Even more so when we take into account how idiotic the chat is during regular vlives so now imagine if those two were to do one together that’s just a casual chat. It would likely end up in disaster and honestly I wouldn’t wish it upon them to read all those awful comments that they would likely get, even worse ones than they already get normally, to be honest.

But now that the whole satoori thing was brought up, and Jimin actually mentioned mandaggo and wanting to bring it back after so many years, Admin 2 thinks that they must’ve finally figured out a solution to their problem, if you can call it that. Doing mandaggo would basically mean they would have an activity, something to do similar to how they did those ASMR videos for the Japanese Fan Club which were fun and cute, and so Admin 2 thinks that perhaps chances are we will finally get the vlive we’ve waited for so long (though like many others I’ve long given up the idea).

Another confirmation is that during his vlive today Jimin basically said that he only came by for a little while since they are quite busy and had to soon get ready for work with the other members but that he’ll return in two or three weeks for a more proper, longer, vlive. So, he could’ve treated today’s vlive as the promised one but instead he saw it more as a bridging one between the zoom meeting and the proper vlive he wants to do, so is it the farfetched to think that he had proper plans for a vlive, like doing mandaggo, but it just wouldn’t have worked out time wise today so he moved the actual vlive he wanted to make to a later date?

One last thing (well two actually) that has nothing to do with this question but Admin 2 wanted me to include it anyway is that one, have you noticed how Tae and Jimin were both on weverse around 3 am (until almost 4am (also both of them posting a comment to some post at 03:41 am KST)) one after the other (though with one day of a break in between them) recently and then also two, that Jimin was up until like 6 am (since he posted on weverse around that time) on the 8th and then during the zoom meeting Tae answered a question by saying that he’d been awake until 6 am the previous day (also the 8th) since he wanted to see the sunrise? Which is also something an anon mentioned to us. Curious, isn’t it?

From anon: I request both admins to please post this ask. So jimin wwnt live today and one of the accounts on twt posted a screen cap of them commenting 'touch your hair if vmin is real' in the live chat and jimin's reaction to it. Now idk if it is an edit or real. No matter i just want to say its not ok to bring up ships in front of the members no matter which ship it is. We dont know the reality of their relationship so lets not make them uncomfortable. Its not a joke. Its not funny. Be respectful the members are real people.

(Admin 1 taking over from this point onward) This ask nicely ties into the last one that’ll be further down in this post since they cover a similar issue of sorts. But let’s start with this one asking about, essentially, vlive comments and the things fans ask/comment, which also ties in with the above ask as well.

The thing with the vlive chat, and especially comments/questions that are like anon said, questions or “commands/requests” about touch your hair if XYZ ship is real or cough twice if you love XYZ member or, likewise, comments such as where is XYZ member or what are the other members doing, unfortunately those have been a steady and unchanging part of the vlive chat since basically forever. It’s been an issue on and off with different intensities though I feel like it’s gotten worse again this year. Particularly if we look back at the vlive Tae did with Hobi and Yoongi and how essentially the entire chat was filled with comments related to Xkook and not much else.

If my memory doesn’t fail me we once even had a situation some years ago (2016) where the chat during Hobi’s vlive was so bad, as in so full of questions about that other members instead of him, that you could see he was upset about it and eventually he handed over the vlive to Jimin, whom the chat had requested Hobi to visit, and Hobi just left. And I can’t blame him for it since the chat must’ve made him feel like basically no one cared about him so what was even the point of him being there, right?

Personally I’ve long given up looking at the comments during vlive because they just make me cringe and feel bad for the members, especially when I think back to vlives such as Yoongi’s D2 one last year where he was so excited to talk about the songs and the process of making the mixtape and yet so many of the comments were just unrelated nonsense and annoying request like speak english or can you say my name or say hello in XYZ language. If it makes me question why the people posting those questions are in the chat, why they are fans to begin with, imagine what the members must feel like, how discouraging that must feel like. After all they are musicians and yet so rarely do they get questions about that. Or rather they do get them but they are just drowned out by nonsense. Which is a shame. And also very disrespectful but any attempts that were made to remind people to be respectful, to remember their place as fans, to focus on the member that’s doing the vlive instead of asking about the others, and to keep ships away from the members have failed because some don’t care and will continue to not care.

From anon: what are your opinions on the Qs that were asked during that zoom meeting thing between BTS and ARMY?

Now I’d like to preface my answer to this last question by saying that by no means do my grievances come from a place of jealousy or anything. I’m very happy for all the ARMYs that won their spot, that they got to participate in the event and that BTS got to see ARMYs again even if only on screens and not in person still. No, my issue stems from something completely different, and I don’t want to say that the system chose the wrong people, because that would be mean and also who even knows how the winners were chosen, if it was pure luck or there were some actual criteria that went into the process, but the fact is that only a select 200 ARMYs got that spot out of however many that applied, so basically for some this was a once in a lifetime chance, right, even just getting this close to asking Bangtan a question and have really great chances of having them give you an answer while acknowledging you somewhat instead of just seeing pure words on a screen, you know what I mean?

Now imagine you are one of those 200 ARMYs and you get the chance to fill the chat with questions along with the other 49 participants of your session and you decide that asking questions such as what it’s like for Jimin to work as angel, if Namjoon ever broke a bicycle, or why JK smells the crowns of the other members heads? Or even worse, you decide to ask about JKs shower routine and in which order he washes his body? And sure, the “fault” doesn’t fall completely on the ARMYs alone, after all it’s the members who read out those questions and not some magical off screen entity, and since I wasn’t part of the event I can’t say with a hundred percent certainty that no one asked any “proper” questions, but if those were the questions that ended up being read out loud, is it that hard to guess that likely all the questions looked similarly? 

Which brings me to my main grievance of it all: have you forgotten that you are fans of musicians and not reality TV stars or vloggers/influencers? I know there were likely no rules for what questions you could or couldn’t ask (except for probably ones that were 100% about shipping or far too personal), but really, you get to ask your favorite band a question, something you might never, ever get the chance to do again, and your first thought isn’t to ask about their music but instead about some unimportant nonsense like the angel question or if they differentiate between the clothes they wear at home and those they sleep in? Like sure the angel one was kinda funny, maybe, and Jimin handled it in a cute way, I applaud him for it, but was that really necessary?

I know someone asked JK about Decalcomania, as well as Tae about his mixtape, and Yoongi/Jimin about Tony Montana (season 2), but other than that were there any other questions about their music? Perhaps I’m overthinking things, maybe I’m exaggerating and maybe I’m the only one who sees an issue with this, but if I would’ve won a spot, I’d rather have asked something about their process when writing lyrics or creating beats or how they prepare when learning new choreographies, what it’s like to be on tour (though perhaps that would be a mean question seeing as tours aren’t really something that’ll continue being possible for a while still), you get the point.

It makes me wonder if it was just bad luck or if it had something to do with how old the participants were (I saw some being as young as fifteen), which isn’t to say that teens can’t ask smart questions because they definitely can just like adults can ask stupid ones as well, but somewhere something, in my opinion, just went weirdly. And maybe that was the point of it all, for the event to be casual, funny, lighthearted, but my question then is when is the time for music discussions? For fans to ask those types of questions that actually have something to do with the boys careers? When even journalists aren’t asking them proper questions, ARMYs aren’t either, so what is the point of it all then?

Then again, after the event concluded and Seokjin came onto vlive he seemed so happy and excited, so maybe they had fun (I mean they seemed to have fun) and didn’t mind at all that the questions were lighthearted and silly, maybe I’m the one making mountains out of molehills. I don’t know, but anon wanted to know my thoughts/opinions, and this is them. Once again, I don’t mean to be mean toward the ARMYs that got rightfully in, that won, and I don’t want to insult them for the questions they asked, perhaps I just expected/hoped for something a little different? And perhaps I’m the only one. I don’t know. 

[highflyerwings]

I love talking details of these characters with you ;) I don't think Gangjae's upbeat personality is wholly a trick to deceive people. He just naturally has a degree of charisma and likeability. Taeju is far too observant and intelligent to get fooled by a phony act. His mistake was he miscalculated the amount of hot headed wildness, resentment and glee at whatever upcoming carnage Gangjae had. I meant what Gangjae liked in Jiwoo was her spunk.

My dude, I LOVE talking My Name details with ALL of my anons. To be honest I can't tell if it's just one of you, or if I have a few little anons hopping in and out of the pool. But I'm having so much fun discussing this series with you!

And I'm so sorry, I can't tell which ask this was in reference to specifically! I think it was this one? Correct me if I'm wrong.

But I very much agree! Like I said, I think Gangjae's niceness is an act in the long run, but he does have genuine niceness in him. You can only fake that type of charm for so long before people start seeing through it. And Gangjae may have gotten good at knowing which people he had to fool more than others, but I also don't think he was truly that malicious all the time. He was a piece of shit, but he wasn't evil.

Taeju seemed to be a decent human being for their line of work. He was willing to kill when necessary, but he also was just a guy doing his job and making sure everyone else did theirs and did it well. So, I would never say he got fooled by Gangjae, but then sometimes you think you know someone. You know? Sometimes you think your friends are on the same page as you, and you all share the same mindset, and then one day they can surprise you by being someone so completely different you hate yourself for being so blind.

I will say I'm still a little reluctant to say Gangjae liked Jiwoo. Like, I get what you're saying, but it doesn't quite feel like that to me. I guess I would say Gangjae was amused by Jiwoo at first, but even then, mostly amused by her audacity. Rewatching the scene where he clears out his room for her to take over, it's very obvious he thinks it's hilarious that a girl is there trying to do what the men are doing. But he says it with that friendly smile and disarming cheerfulness, and you're not immediately aware of what he's implying. I truly think up until he lost to her in the competition, he was just kind of mildly amused by it all.

I don’t know if these are from the same anon as the one up there, so forgive me for lumping them all together if they’re not! They all just came in at the same time, and they fit with the theme of our discussion.

So let’s continue!

Taeju is actually not in the scene when Cheolho dances on the table. There's a dude in what looks like one of Taeju's ugly track suits, but that's not him. Not to assume, but if we were to imagine Taeju in this scene, I think it's safe to say he'd simply be watching the events unfold. I don't think he'd be enjoying them, like the other men seem to be, but he'd let it all happen. Gangjae on the other hand is getting much enjoyment out of it. All of them are. It's all boys, and testosterone, and it's so threatening and ugly and scary and Jiwoo is doing so good holding her own. Like I would have immediately been in tears.

Not to be a contrarian, but I actually don't see the same look on Gangjae's face that you do when he helps her up. He helps her up, and she immediately goes into a defensive stance, but he doesn't look particularly impressed to me. Again, I would say it leans closer to mild amusement than any kind of regard for her specifically. But he does turn to Taeju to look for clues, like you said. To see what he thinks the proper reaction should be. I think Gangjae is one of those people, if Taeju's laughing, so is Gangjae. If Taeju is calm, so is Gangjae. If Taeju says jump, Gangjae may not take the time to ask how high, but he certainly is always ready to adjust his actions at a moment's notice based on what signals he's getting from Taeju.

And Taeju isn't running a daycare. Let's not forget. He's training men to be fighters. To be literal killing machines. He's gonna let them resolve their conflicts however they need, and that's exactly what he was doing with Jiwoo and Cheolho. He had his reservations about Jiwoo, but he treated her like he would treat any of the other men. You can't hold your own in a fight, you probably don't belong there. So Taeju does as much watching in that gym as he does training. And I think that's why he took Gangjae's betrayal so personal. Because he didn't see something. I think Taeju probably blames himself a lot for the way Gangjae turned out. I think he blames himself as much as he blames Jiwoo for everything that happened.

Anyways, please don't think I'm just trying to be stubborn about my opinion (or anyone else's) of Gangjae, or that I don't think there was nuance in his character and how he interacted with Jiwoo. I just think he's so unsettling, and as the audience we were immediately fooled by his act as well. Going back and rewatching the first episode, maybe it's just knowing what he's going to do, but there's something instinctively unsettling about the way he acts. You look back and you go, "I should have known something was wrong, he smiled too much." And that's what's so effective about his type of malice, you truly don't see it until it's too late. It's all hindsight with Gangjae, and that's horrifying, because there's no way to fight that. How are you supposed to protect yourself when you can't see the warning signs.