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secretgaygenttomura · 8 days

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A Life Worth Living - Chapter 4

(TW: Physical and Verbal abuse, attempted murder)

When Tomura got home, driven by his Mom, he was due for an application of some of his medicinal skin cream, though it never did much to help. He was sitting in her lap, watching his toy train drive around it's track idly. The sight was eerily familiar. He could never just... stop itching, scratching at his skin. And his memories retained clearly why.

His mother warned as she gently applied the cream to the scarring around his eyes, "Tenko, what did I tell you? Stop scratching, it's only going to get worse."

"Mom-" He shook his head slightly, uncomfortable, "I told you, it's the house! I'm only itchy in here...!"

Nao sighed, shaking her head. She gazed into the backyard wistfully, as if something else was occupying her thoughts. After a moment, her gaze returned to Tenko, "Tenko... do you... still want to be a hero?"

He could remember his past answer clearly, the naivety echoing in the back of his mind:

A past Tenko explained half-heartedly in response, "Yeah, because no one wanted to play with Mikkun and Tomo-chan. So I said, let's play together! We played heroes and it was super fun! Mikkun said 'You should be All Might, Ten!' And it was really nice, even though they don't have any other friends." It was past that point where his thoughts delved darker, thinking about his father's violent disapproval of heroes, and how upset it made him. A lot more went through Tenko's mind than the adults around him ever though. Though now he could probably be able to tell the difference between his father judging him for wanting to be a hero and judging his overall character, as a child, you can't tell at all.

Tenko surged forward, hugging his mother tightly, tears threatening to spill from his sore eyes, "Mommy, why does Father say No all the time? Does he hate me? Will he like me once I get my quirk?!"

Tomura already knew all he needed to about him, he had no need to ask all those pointless questions anymore.

Coldly, he answered, just as his prolonged silence was starting to worry his Mom, "I dunno, Mom."

Nao's brows furrowed in confusion, "Really? That's unlike you, Tenko... Are you alright?"

Tomura briefly considered hugging his mother again. Very briefly. He shut his eyes and looked away from his mother, pained, "I mean... I could get a bad quirk, or even... no quirk at all. That wouldn't make a very good hero."

"A bad quirk, where'd you get that idea, Tenko?"

Tomura continued rambling, "Or, my quirk wouldn't be strong enough. Isn't that why Father hates it? Why he hates me being a hero? Me being too weak to fight?"

"Tenko...? How do you..." Nao's expression hardened, before she whispered, bringing her child in to caress his head comfortingly, "Tenko, I don't know where you're getting these ideas from, but I know your father doesn't hate you at all. He just doesn't want you to get hurt."

"He thinks I'm weak."

Nao sighed, shaking her head, "Now's not the time to talk about this, okay? Let's just finish this up, and then I'll make dinner, okay?"

Tomura stayed silent, what he always figured the best thing to do was when he was sour.

---

Dinner was fine, but this whole situation was starting to grow old on Tomura. How badly he wanted to get out of this loop of live, avoid trouble, eat, sleep. It bored him to no end. For once, he was actually craving a return to his life in crime.

It occurred to him, that his father might let him be a hero this time, if they were even somewhat aware of his thoughts at this moment. At least, if they even would believe him. But it wasn't exactly believable that their supposedly quirkless toddler was actually the reincarnation of an infamous serial killer with the power to destroy everything, from a person, to the core of the earth thousands of miles below their feet. It sounded like the typical crazy story any old kid could come up with. The only indication of truth would really be how verbose he was now.

He let his mind stop thinking about it, tuning back into reality to hear his grandparents justify his father's cruel actions to his face. Maybe he should've kept thinking about being a villain after all. At least, that was until he heard Hana from behind him:

"Ten! Hey Ten!"

She had been poking around their father's study, and just appeared to have found what she wanted to show Tenko.

The feeling Tomura felt at that moment looking at Hana wasn't something he could describe. It was similar to Deja Vu, but oh so different. Dread caused his heart to sink into his stomach and his heartbeat to pang inside his head, and nausea to start making him feel lightheaded. It was pure horror. He had to get away.

Desperately, he scrambled off, outside and away from the house, the itch all over him growing persistent. And that's where he found Mon. Thank god... The sun was just starting to set, and a neon yellow ball neatly sat atop a clump of grass. Tomura needed to relax, being here... It was somehow more stressful than his life of crime... He called Mon over, picking up the ball and waving it around. "Hey Mon! C'mere!"

The corgi, from across the lawn, perked up, and bounded towards Tomura. The boy hadn't known how much he missed this simple pastime.

"Go... Get it!"

As he tossed the ball, a sudden itching pain covered his skin, making Tomura yelp, "O-Ow-! Huh?"

Half of the ball had crumbled by the moment it hit the ground. And Tomura heard a faint crying in the distance under the sudden ringing in his ears, and following it, a looming presence behind him created a shadow. Reluctantly, Tenko looked behind him.

"Tenko, did you get into my study?" Kotaro did not ask, but accused. His hand was already raised.

No...! I didn't, I swear! I was innocent this time, I-... But his intents could not be heard as terror constricted it's grip on his throat.

By the door, Hana was clinging onto their mother's skirt, tears rolling down her cheeks in rivers as she pleaded, "No! I just wanted to show him something, I'm sorry! I didn't know!"

Tomura had forgotten how much more those few words made the following slap hurt. A sharp impact, stinging on his cheek, as he was knocked onto the ground. A new, burning feeling resonated in his chest. But the child inside him didn't let it surface for more than a second. A second that was used to shoot an unnoticed crimson glare up at his father.

"As punishment, you'll be spending the evening out here again." His father made his final remarks before returning inside.

---

By the time the sun had set, Tomura was huddled against the fence. Anger and turmoil boiling under his skin in the uncomfortably hot, humid air of summer. His whole body was covered in a crawling itch that the pollen and bugs and dirt outside never consoled, only exemplified with the resentment he was still holding towards his father. That resentment he was always taught to hold in his heart and fester. He never knew what else to do with it, so fester it did.

And again, he was in the same terrifying predicament. This time it had to go different, it had to. Mon-chan was whimpering next to him, snuggling up against him to try and get pets. "-Sorry Mon-chan...", his voice was barely present in his throat, full of agony as he tried to console the puppy, the only member of his household he still held care for at this particular moment, "I can't pet you..."

Mon gave a defeated whimper before laying up against Tomura. If the night could just keep being like this... Maybe things would be better. Maybe if he was just quiet enough, his goddamned father would never come out here, and-

It was then that the door to outside opened, the silhouette of his sister bounding towards him, "Tenko! I... I wanted to say sorry! I didn't want to get you in trouble, I just-" She stepped a little too close for comfort.

Tomura flinched at the quick approach, his hands sweeping across the concrete and landing on the fence behind him, "Stop! Don't get any closer!" He had a little more spirit in his voice this time.

Mon-chan yelped and jumped away as he felt the ground shift under his paws, Hana and Tomura reacting in tandem. The fence behind him crumbled from the bottom up, causing the top to almost fall on top of the boy, whose appearance was slowly changing, the hairs atop his head growing greyer the more he destroyed. The ground underneath Hana's feet collapsed, and she screamed in shock, falling over and scraping her arm.

The ground had become lumpy and uneven, and a certain silence had taken over the Shimura household. Tomura just almost killed his sister and Mon, again! His skin grew more and more itchy, and his heartbeat grew faster, and the dust on his skin made it feel unsufferably dry like it always did after a fight. Adrenaline, hate, and panic building, growing. Then his father and his mother opened the door.

"What is going on out here, do I need to punish you more, Tenko?! Did you not already learn your lesson?!"

That was it. He wasn't taking any more of this. He had the power to stop it! He knew he did.

Everything but Kotaro in his vision blurred, his skin already rubbed raw and inflamed like his patience. And he found himself getting up and stalking towards his father, his toes activating Decay on the ground around him, creating sharp, rigid land formations in their oh-so "perfect" lawn that had Hana and Mon running off to the more isolated corners.

"Tenko...!" Kotaro warned.

Get rid of him, get rid of the incessant itch. You've done it once before. You can do it again.

Tomura's internal voice was starting to distort.

With every step, Kotaro grew more apprehensive, and Tomura lost more and more pigment in his body, the black vanishing from his irises and hair. The more and more he felt like himself again.

But just as he was getting close, his tunnel vision hadn't let him see the garden shears his father had grabbed. Suddenly, Tomura felt an impact, a pulsing sting in his lip, and tasted the oh-so familiar taste of blood.

His father cried, "GET BACK, TENKO!"

That does it.

Tomura leaped forward, the only voices in his brain begging for father to be gone and dead, for that tortuous itch to be gone and dead!

Then his mother tackled them and grabbed his wrist.

"Tenko, please stop!" She wept, horror in her eyes. And suddenly all that adrenaline pumping through Tomura was gone, down the drain. He clenched his fist and tore his hand away, stumbling back and falling over.

Hyperventilating, his eyes welled up with tears, his heart once again sunken and leaving him nauseous. Not even the crickets or cicadas sang to console the moment. Only the grotesque sounds of anguished sobbing and scratching wounds into his skin from Tomura echoed through the night.

All his family could do was stand and watch in shock as Tomura realized he almost did it again, he almost killed his mom. And more importantly to the rest of his family, who he could see circling him, and staring at him like hungry buzzards, he tried to kill his father...

#my hero academia #tomura shigaraki #a life worth living #kotaro shimura #tenko shimura #fanfiction #writing #tenko shimura: origin #nao shimura #hana shimura #mon-chan #not art

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looooooooomis · 3 years

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FINAL GIRL | FIVE

You were his final girl. And there was no chance in hell that anyone or anything was going to mess that up.

p a r t five | t h e c a b i n (part I)

masterlist here

pairing: Billy Loomis x f!reader word count: 5.6k (I’M SORRY I GOT CARRIED AWAY) warnings: s m u t (18 +!!!!!)

A/N: after 8 months of MIA, SHE’S BACK BABY!!! this is part 1 of 2 of our fav couple being at the cabin x next chapter will have soft moments I promise lmao

You should have been paying more attention.

If you’d been paying more attention, you wouldn’t have had five sets of eyes currently watching your every move, waiting for an answer you didn’t have. Why had you thought it was a good idea to stay up as late as you had packing your overnight bag for the cabin? If you had gone to bed at a reasonable hour, you wouldn’t have been as braindead as you currently were and, if you hadn’t been braindead, you wouldn’t have wound up in whatever ring of hell you were currently stuck in as your friends stared at you as though you’d grown a second head.

You pleaded with your tongue to say anything, pleaded for your brain to register a decent enough lie to make this uncomfortable silence end but nothing came out of your mouth. Only a pathetic hum and a gusto of forced laughter.

You wanted to die.

It should have been an easy enough answer to what was an even easier question. One that you’d practiced answering for the last two days and yet, as the moment for the lie came and went, you were left scrambling like a fucking moron.

You didn’t dare look at Billy as Sid curled into his side knowing if you managed to catch his coffee-coloured stare, you’d only be met with something between terror and amusement as you royally shit the bed. So, instead, you did the next best thing. You replayed the question over and over again in your head until you were driven mad.

‘Are you up for a movie this weekend?’

It was a simple enough question, one you’d managed to decline easily enough but, as Tatum frowned and asked the one question you were expecting to hear, your mind went blank.

‘Why? What are you doing?’

The answer you were supposed to say: I have to babysit my cousin in Santa Rosa all weekend. The answer they got? Silence. Pure, awkward as fuck, silence.

“Earth to Y/N,” Tatum laughed, brows furrowing. “Are you alive?”

“Sorry,” you huffed out a quiet laugh and shook your head, “I barely slept last night, I’m braindead.”

While it wasn’t a lie, you were still on edge. You’d think after months of sneaking around with the asshole sitting in front of you that you would have chilled out a little more but not today. Maybe it was the nerves of a full weekend away with Billy Loomis as his girlfriend hosted a fucking movie night sans her boyfriend and best friend – but something was making you stumble over what should have been second nature to you.

“You feeling okay?” Sid, the angel she was, asked with a small frown. Your stomach twisted in the familiar way it always did when your sweet friend showed concern. Concern which you most definitely didn’t deserve. “You seem…off.”

It would have been so easy to confess your dark little twisted affair with Billy right then and there. To just open your mouth and let the truth of everything you’d been doing behind her back play out. But you knew it would break her heart and, more than that, you were a fucking coward.

“I’m fine, Sid,” you smacked on a small smile and leaned into your locker. You had one more class until you were home free. Free of your friends’ inquiring eyes, free of Biology, free of Woodsboro. If you managed to get through this incredibly uncomfortable moment. “And I would if I could, trust me. I have to babysit my little cousin in Santa Rosa.” You feigned disappointment with a small frown. You could see Stu’s lips tug up in mild amusement out of the corner of your eye. “She’s nine, so if I don’t come back on Monday, know that she annoyed me to death.”

Randy scoffed and casually threw his arm around your neck. “Every day I’m thankful I don’t have any snot-nosed kids in my family. Losing my weekend to babysit? I’d rather rot.”

Despite your guilt, you managed a small smile as you looked across at him. “I think the kid would rather you rot, too. You’d be a terrible babysitter.”

“She’s right,” Tatum smirked, “you’d show the kid one of your weirdo movies where a girl with big tits is running helplessly away from her killer. It’d scar the kid for life.”

“Or,” Randy mused, “prepare them for the real world. Put some hair on their chest and all that shit.”

“Furthering my point, Meeks, you’d be a shit babysitter.” You laughed. “But, yeah, I’ll be suffering at the hands of a nine-year-old, so you guys have fun without me.”

“How about you, lover boy?” Tatum asked, looking across at Billy. “Will you be joining us this weekend?”

You should have averted your eyes. Should have done anything besides wait, with bated breath, to see what Billy would say. Slowly, those brown eyes tapered over towards you just briefly before looking at Tatum. With a casual shrug of his shoulders, Billy shook his head and leaned into Sid. “Can’t,” he merely said, “I’m going up north with my dad. He wants to get some of his affairs in order or something, I don’t know.” He ran a hand through his hair. “All I know is I was promised free beer if I helped him. So, I’m helping him.”

If Sid caught onto his lie, her face didn’t betray her once. And, as she looked up at her boyfriend with doting eyes, you couldn’t help but feel that pang of shame slice into your gut once again. She believed him. She always believed him. Believed you. Regardless of how good it felt to have Billy, that shame of knowing just who it was unwittingly hurting in the process never dissipated.

“You sure you guys won’t need help?” Sid asked, further digging that knife of shame into your chest. “Besides this movie, I’ve got nothing else going on this weekend.”

“Real nice,” Randy teased. “She’d rather watch Billy’s dad punch away at a fucking calculator then sit down with her nearest and dearest.”

Billy ignored Randy entirely as he glanced down at the brunette. “I’m sure,” he affirmed, giving her a quick squeeze. “Enjoy the movie night. I’ll be there for the next one.”

He lied so effortlessly, so casually, that it should have unnerved you. But it didn’t. Because for as good of a liar Billy Loomis was, you were right here with him. This dangerous little game the two of you were playing was becoming second nature to you and for as much as it pained you to see Sidney get lied to, you couldn’t help yourself.

You loved Billy. Billy loved you. Right person, wrong time. Only rather than wait like you knew you should have, Billy’s glow was much too enthralling to miss. You were both moths to each other’s’ flames and no amount of guilt or shame was strong enough to outweigh the otherworldly affliction the two of you had for one another.

The bell signifying your final class rung out, snapping you out of your brief reverie as you blinked and focused on pushing Randy off of you. “Want to drive me to the bus station?” You asked him. “I don’t want to drive all the way to Santa Rosa, so I bought a bus ticket.”

“Tonight?” Randy considered it briefly before shrugging. “Sure, I guess. I’ve got a shift tonight at seven, though. When’s your bus leave?”

“Six thirty,” you lied, mainly doing this so that should anyone drive by your house this weekend and see your car still neatly parked in your driveway, they wouldn’t bat an eye. “I owe you.”

“Yeah, you do,” Randy agreed. “And, lucky for you, I accept a lot of different payment options.” He wriggled his brows, earning a playful smack from you and an annoyed glare from Billy. Thankfully, Randy didn’t catch onto the latter. “Pick you up at six?”

You nodded. “Perfect.”

With your eyes flickering to Billy’s once more, you managed to shoot everyone a quick smile before disappearing down the hall towards Biology. Just how you’d managed to dance your way out of what could have been an incredibly awkward moment, you didn’t know. But as you felt that weighty stare of Billy’s on your back as you walked away, there was an air of excitement that swallowed you whole.

No matter how much guilt you felt, no matter how sick it made you to see Sidney get hurt, even if she didn’t quite know about just yet, there was a much larger part of you that couldn’t wait to get Billy alone.

Because for the first time in the seven months since you’d started this torrid little affair, you were finally getting Billy all to yourself. No prying eyes, no secret kisses, no having to hide every part of your relationship with the man. None of that.

This weekend, it was you and it was Billy.

And you couldn’t fucking wait.

»»-------------¤-------------««

Randy, being the superstar he was, had dropped you off at the station a little after six-fifteen and by six-thirty-two, just around the time the actual bus was leaving for Santa Rosa, you were scrambling into Billy’s car with a wild grin on your face.

Just how the pair of you had managed to pull it off, especially given your brain lapse earlier in the day, was beyond you. But, as Billy tore off down the main street leading to the freeway, you couldn’t help but feel a sense of freedom engulf you the farther and farther you got from town.

It was exhilarating.

And, as you glanced at Billy, who couldn’t have looked more like a movie star with his dark locks blowing with the wind cascading in through his open window, you couldn’t help but reach across the divide to gently squeeze his jean-clad thigh.

“Thank you,” you found yourself muttering and as those brown eyes met yours, you couldn’t help but grin. “For your stupid key proposal. In hindsight, it was very sweet.”

The dimple in Billy’s cheek deepened as his own grin grew. “Glad you let me steal you away?”

You loosened your seatbelt momentarily and leaned across to give him a kiss on the cheek. “Very glad.” You made a move to pull away but stopped when he gently grabbed your chin with the hand not holding the wheel. “What—”

The kiss, while dangerously stupid, was short and sweet but the emotion behind it, the genuine happiness that exuded out of Billy in those few seconds was palpable. “I really do fucking love you, you know that?”

“You’ve mentioned it,” you hummed and slinked back into your seat. When his large hand found your thigh, he gave it a firm squeeze that sent shockwaves throughout your whole body.

“Not going to say it back?” He teased, giving you a sidelong glance as he drew nearer to the freeway.

“I’d rather show it.” Rather than put your seatbelt back on, you shimmed in your seat and leaned into him as your fingers scraped along his thighs towards the button of his jeans. “Eyes on the road, Loomis.”

Easier said than done, Billy thought, torn between watching the road and watching you unzip his jeans. Raising his ass out of the seat just long enough to allow you to tug his pants down his thighs, the second Billy saw yours eyes light up as his now somewhat erect cock sprung free of his jeans, keeping his eyes on the road seemed impossible. But, the second he saw that pretty mouth of yours perk up in anticipation, it was game over. “Are you trying to get us killed?”

A low chuckle escaped your lips as you began to pump his length with your hand. “Focus on the road, Billy.”

“You say that like it’s easy.” Not being able to keep his hands off of you, he reached for your nipple and gave it a pinch through your shirt. “Take your shirt off, baby.”

“Shut up and drive.” You chided him, shimming in your seat so that you were on your knees leaning over the console. His cock was rock hard now and, as you ran your tongue alongside his length, from the base of it all the way up to coax your tongue along the precum that had gathered along his head, you felt him shiver beneath you.

“Fuck,” he hissed, tangling his fingers through your hair. You were too fucking good with that mouth of yours.

Still pumping the base of his cock with one hand, you swirled your tongue along the tip of his dick again before taking that perfectly girthy cock in your mouth. His grip tightened on your hair and your eyes watered as he pushed your head down to fully take the length of him inside of your mouth. He heard you gag on him but even as his grip eased up, you continued your pursuit of deepthroating him.

His breathing was shallow as he felt your hot mouth all over him. Between the sounds of your wet mouth taking him in and the occasional gag as you choked on his length, Billy was in heaven.

But having you this close as you fucked him with your mouth whilst still fully clothed was killing him. He needed to feel you. He wanted to feel your juices on his fingers and running down those perfect fucking thighs as he fingerfucked you. He wanted to hear you moan, feel you moan on his cock as he made you feel as good as you were making him feel.

He wanted all of you, needed all of you.

Trying his damnedest not to shut his eyes as your mouth brought him closer to the edge, he reached beneath you to work on your own zipper but when that proved to be impossible, a frustrated growl tore out of his lips. “Undo your pants.” He hissed through bared teeth.

You hummed against his dick which nearly sent him into the other land of traffic. “No,” you purred, “I want to make you feel good.”

With one hand on the wheel and the other now gliding up and down your back as you fucked him with your mouth, Billy couldn’t help but buck into your mouth as you began to massage his balls. He was going to bust and soon if he wasn’t careful.

You were too fucking good and he was too fucking in love with you not to get lost in the way you made him feel.

“Touch yourself, at least,” he breathed out, desperate to see that pretty cunt. “Please, baby.”

Not granting him the satisfaction, you simply dug your nails into his thighs and moaned onto his cock and the sensation of it alone was almost enough to make him come down your throat. It seemed to slither around his cock, making him twitch and buck into your mouth.

But it was the second you moaned out his name as you swirled your wet mouth along the head of his dick one final time, swallowing back his precum with a contented hum, that Billy blew his loud inside of your mouth.

For a good five seconds, he didn’t care if he crashed the goddamn car as he watched you swallow his seed. He was bucking into your mouth, his breathing was ragged, as you guzzled him back and, as you finally released his cock with a pop, Billy almost lost it.

With a devilish grin, you simply wiped a finger along the edge of your lips and leaned back into your seat with a satisfied glimmer in your eyes. You knew you’d be in for it once he got his hands on you at the cabin, but for now, as you watched him lamely try and pull his jeans up his body to cover his slowly softening cock, you couldn’t help but laugh.

“What’s the matter, Billy?” You teased, fastening your seatbelt back up. “You look a little rattled.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he simpered, not bothering with the zipper or button of his jeans. Instead, he reached across the divide and grabbed for your hand as he ghosted his lips across your knuckles. “Just wait until we get to the cabin.”

With your suspicions confirmed, you couldn’t help but beam across at him as you drove further and further away from Woodsboro. That was definitely a threat and good god were you excited for its execution.

»»-------------¤-------------««

By the time you’d pulled into the Loomis family cabin, it was pitch black outside.

The moon was too high in the sky and only a sliver of its light poked through the tall pine trees that surrounded the small house but, even with the low light surrounding you, the shadows that danced along the lake was enough to bring out a small smile as you quietly made your way out of the car. You didn’t need full sun to see the beauty surrounding you and the smell of the fresh air mixed with the spice of pine made any ounce of nerves filter out of you.

You were happy.

Unreservedly so.

Glancing across the roof towards Billy, he seemed almost distracted as he looked around at the familiar surroundings. You couldn’t quite tell if he was feeling as happy as you were in those brief moments, but you couldn’t quite blame him for that. The cabin held a lot of memories within it, many of which you knew included his mother. Where you felt freed and excited, you could tell the weight of his current whereabouts was heavy on his shoulders.

“Hey,” you muttered, slicing into the quietude around you. Walking around the front of the car, those brown eyes found yours as you circled your arms around his middle. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” he assured, but his voice was low and distant. All the same, however, his strong arms enveloped you as he kissed your hairline. “Lost in a memory, I guess.”

You nodded into the crook of his neck but said nothing. He needed time to decompress, to familiarize himself with a house he hadn’t been in since his mother left. So, you’d give him that time.

For what must have been minutes, the two of you simply stood at the helm of porch holding onto one another. It wasn’t until Billy placed another quick kiss to your forehead that you felt his arms slowly fall only to grasp your hand in his own. “Come on,” he hummed. His grip on your hand was firm as he walked up the steps leading to the wrap around porch and as he stuck the key inside of the lock and opened the front door, the smell of cedar surrounded you.

The cabin was gorgeous. Wooden slats covered every square inch of the small house and a small fireplace sat at the front of the house with a worn-in couch and chair facing it. It was obvious nobody had come to visit for quite some time judging by the dust lining most of the countertops and shelving units, but you didn’t care.

To you, it was perfect.

Your own little oasis with the boy you loved without any sort of outside interruption.

You released his hand to take a brief look around the small living space but you could feel his eyes on you with every step you took. You knew he was looking to get even with you after your little stunt in the car, but you also knew that he hadn’t quite been expecting the swell of emotions to hit him upon driving up to the cabin. So, you continued to wander around the cabin to both grant him the space he may or may not have needed and, simply, to snoop around.

There were family pictures lining the tables and one in particular made you smile as you caught sight of a young Billy swinging from a tire swing. With a quiet laugh, you picked the frame up and surveyed it with a fond smile on your lips. “Cute,” you remarked, looking across to catch his stare. “A little model, eh?”

Billy watched you carefully place the frame down on the table before continuing on with your self-guided tour. No matter how hard he tried, regardless of the bittersweet memories swirling around inside of his brain, he couldn’t take his eyes off of you. Not that he ever really could, but there was an ease rolling off of you tonight, coming off of you in waves, that drew him in.

“I’ve been thinking about this all week, you know that?” He remarked, leaning against the back of the couch as he watched you pick up another picture frame. “Just me and you. Out here alone in the woods for an entire weekend.”

“Sounds like a scary movie when you put it that way,” you goaded with a wink. “Or a really niche porno.”

“Why not a bit of both?” His molasses coloured eyes glimmered mischievously as you walked up to him and stepped between his legs. The second you were close, he pulled you flush against his chest and kissed the tip of your nose as he pushed your hair back and away from your face. “Both could be fun.”

You grinned. “I’m down for anything,” you shrugged. “So long as you promise to take me on an actual date tomorrow. We’re not just fucking like bunnies inside of the cabin all weekend.”

“Heaven forbid,” he leaned in and gave you a slow, torturous kiss.

“I’m serious, Billy,” you moaned.

Pulling away from your mouth, Billy nudged his nose against yours and nodded. “The entire population in Bumfuck, California will know you’re my girl by the end of the weekend,” he avowed, skimming his hands down to your ass to give it a firm squeeze. “I promise.”

“Oh, yeah?” You hummed, kissing him again.

His calloused hands slipped beneath your shirt and scraped up your side. “Yeah.” Digging his hips into yours, he gave you one last kiss before nodding towards the bedroom. “Take your clothes off.”

You giggled as he slapped your ass to steer you down the narrow hallway. “And if I don’t?”

“I’ll rip them off of you,” he simply said, “so either they remain in one piece or I ruin your outfit.”

You glanced down at your jeans and tank before frowning. You looked cute tonight and you’d be damned if the bastard ripped them. So, being the good girl you were, you held his stare and slowly slinked out of your clothes. His eyes seemed so much darker as he watched you strip and the small smirk he wore slowly fell into a hungry thin line as you then perched yourself on the edge of the bed, completely nude.

“You just going to stand there looking pretty or are you going to do something about this?” You slipped your fingers between your thighs and ran your fingers along your swollen clit. A low moan slipped out of your lips at the sensation. “I’m already so wet for you, Billy.”

Slowly, Billy stepped towards you and undid his belt. Leaning down, he kissed you, hard, and steered you backwards on the bed beneath you until your head reached the soft pillows. You could feel his cock straining against his jeans but rather than grant himself any sort of reprieve, you watched him gently grasp your hands and raise them above your head only to wrap his belt around your wrists.

In the blink of an eye, you were tied to the bedposts.

“Is this payback for the car blowie?” You laughed, looking up at your restrained wrists. “If it is, I can’t say I’m mad about it.”

“You wanted something between a horror movie and a niche porno, remember?” He hummed against your skin, placing sloppy kisses along the vein that ran along your neck as he pinched your nipple. “God, you’re fucking perfect. You know that?”

He bit down on your collarbone, kissing his way down your chest until his warm mouth wrapped around your nipple. You could feel his teeth slither along your breast as his tongue lapped expertly on the sensitive bud. You hissed, arching into his mouth as your wrists, on instinct, fought for freedom. “Hardly.”

His eyes met yours as he slowly released your nipple. You were in nothing, of course, but he was still fully clothed, and you hated him for it. You hungrily eyed the bulge in his jeans as he propped himself up on his arm, letting his other hand glide up your chest and neck until it cupped your cheek. His nose brushed against yours, nudging it up to allow his lips to hover just over yours. Close enough that you could almost taste them, but much too far away to satisfy the hunger you had for the man.

“I love you,” he whispered, thumb stroking the apple of your cheek as his warm, brown eyes swallowed you up. “You know that, right?”

“Yes,” you swallowed hard and tilted your head up just enough to finally catch his lips. But, just as quickly as it happened, the man pulled away and let his hand begin to roam down your body. His mouth was at your ear now, nibbling at your earlobe as his hot breath slithered against your neck. You shivered. “I love you, too.”

His voice was gruff in your ear. “I’d kill for you,” his hand continued its journey down your throat, brushing past your nipple, down the length of your stomach until reaching the small smattering of hair along your mound. He was careful to keep his hands from dipping any lower, tormenting you as best to his ability, which just about killed you, if you were being honest. “You know that?”

Bucking your hips up, you nearly growled at the lack of attention you were receiving. You were soaked and touch-starved for him. His fingers, his mouth, the erection currently poking into your thigh, anything. “I wouldn’t ask you to do that,” you managed a quiet laugh. “But I appreciate it.”

His teeth bit down on your neck again. “But, I would. I’d do anything for you, sweetheart.”

His hand slipped further down to your sopping cunt and as he slowly slipped his fingers through your wet folds, the moan he got in return nearly killed him. “Billy,” you whispered desperately. It felt as though you were going to die if you didn’t feel him inside of you. “Please.”

His lips hovered over yours and on instinct, you caught his bottom lip between your teeth and bucked your hips against his hand. He snarled as you bit down on his lip but as the metallic taste of blood met his tongue, it was as though Billy was transcending. His pace on your clit quickened but it was still too slow for you and he knew it. He was torturing you, killing you, and he was enjoying every second of it. Struggling against the belt, your struggle was all for naught as it didn’t so much as move an inch.

“You’d love me, no matter what, right?” He asked, slipping one of his fingers inside of you as he kissed his way down to your chest. Lapping at your nipple, Billy was gentle at first before biting down hard enough to draw blood. Tit for Tat.

“Yes,” you moaned. Your entire body was on fire as his fingers brought you closer to the edge. “But I’d love you even more if you fucked me. You’re killing me, Loomis.”

Licking up the small trail of blood off of your tits, Billy hummed against your nipple and added another finger inside of your pussy. He’d fuck you soon but right now, he needed to feel your entire body light up the way it always had when he drove you into that fit of madness. You were a woman unhinged in the bedroom, he knew as much, and he knew exactly how to get that animal inside of you out.

“You’re so fucking wet,” he admired, reaching his hand up to coat your tit in your own slick. When it was sufficiently wet, he licked your juices off of your breast and growled. God, you tasted so fucking good. “You’re my girl, Y/N, you’re always going to be my girl, right?”

You looked up at him as those words fell from his lips. His brown hair hung down his forehead, his neck red from the strain of having to watch you writhe beneath him without doing a damned thing about it. But what struck you was the look of vulnerability in those brown eyes. That longing, far-away look as his eyes searched yours.

He wanted nothing more than to hear you say that you wanted him. Needed him. Just as much as he needed you.

“Always,” the answer tumbled out of your lips before you so much as thought twice. “I’m your girl, Billy.”

His mouth caught yours in a bruising kiss. Finally, his pace quickened inside of you as met your throbbing core with his dept fingers. With his thumb circling your clit, he dipped two fingers inside of you and grinned against your mouth as you let out a low, desperate moan.

It happened so fast after that. One moment, you were the one tied up on the bed and the next, he’d released you, stripped himself naked, and managed to flip you over so that you were the one on top of him, straddling his waist. Pulling away from you mouth, Billy’s eyes darkened as he saw that familiar glimmer in your eyes. That animalistic side of you was out in full force now.

“Get up here.” He demanded.

You smirked and leaned across him so that your lips hovered over his. “Why would I want to do that?”

He leaned up, the veins in his neck swelled against his neck as he caught your bottom lip between his teeth. “Get. Up. Here.”

Releasing your lip, Billy watched you smirk and crawl up the remainder of his body until your pussy was less than an inch away from his mouth. Grabbing onto the metal of the headboard you’d just been tied up to, you gasped as Billy’s tongue slid into your folds. Finding your clit instantly, you moaned and allowed your eyes to fall shut as you reached down to play with your hardened nipples.

Fuck, what Billy could do with his mouth should have been illegal.

He sucked and lapped at your clit as you rocked back and forth against his mouth. His fingers dug into your hips, so much so that you knew there would be bruises in the morning but, blinded by the pleasure between your thighs, you couldn’t care less.

The moans that were coming out of you were raw and guttural and, as you played with your own tits, envisioning his hands being the ones to squeeze and nip on the swollen buds of your nipples, you saw stars.

“Fuck,” you moaned out, “Billy, baby, fuck.”

He pulled your hips further down so that you were sitting on his face. Not just hovering but sitting on that perfect mouth of his as he held you in place. You knew it must have been hard for him to breathe but he was adamant and as his tongue continued its assault on your throbbing cunt, you came devastatingly hard and incredibly loud.

Stars danced behind your eyes as you continued to ride out your orgasm. When you couldn’t take another second of Billy’s skilled tongue, you climbed off of him only to feel his large hands take hold of your hips again.

Swinging you around so that you were on your back and he was the one hovering over you, Billy wasted no time in slipping his rock-hard erection into your soaking pussy.

He was thrusting hard and the sounds of your juices squelching with every thrust of his cock would have been off-putting if it hadn’t been for the raw, primal need coursing off of the pair of you in waves. He was kissing your lips and biting them and suckling your neck as he continued to rail into you with all of passion in the world. You weren’t sure you’d ever seen him this riled up and you had to admit it was inherently sexy seeing him so affected by you.

Not surprising in the least, it didn’t take him long to come. You’d riled him up to the point of no return in the car and, as you felt him come inside of you, you all but laughed when he dramatically crashed on the bed beside you.

Sweat glistened over every inch of body and the sheen of your juices was still on his lips as he kissed you. This kiss was slow, methodical. Sweet. And you felt yourself fall even harder for the man as he broke the kiss and gently brushed your hair away from your now damp forehead.

Wrapping one arm around your chest, Billy held you against him as he propped himself against the headboard. You were both naked and sweating and while a shower was something you both definitely needed, neither of you found yourselves all too willing to move out of the other’s embrace.

“Is it hard being back here?” You asked, listening to his heart beating in his chest.

“For a second, maybe,” he admitted, soothing your hair down. “Not now.”

“What’s changed?” You asked with a small smile. “The sex was that good, huh?”

A quiet chuckle shook his chest as he kissed the top of your head. “I think horror meets niche porn is my new favourite genre.”

Kissing his naked chest, you grinned into his body. “Same.”

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letarasstuff · 3 years

Text

"I don't wanna leave you, Daddy"

(A/N): This was requested by an Anon and it's based on this concept. I hope you are ready for the feels.

Summary: Hotch's daughter is an introvert. A quiet one. But why does she go even quieter after her mother's death?

Warnings: So much hurt. Angst. Fluff. It's bitter sweet.

Wordcount: 2.3k

✨Masterlist✨ _____________________________

(Y/N) never really was an outgoing person. Even since she was able to walk and talk, she still clung to her parents. She refused to play on the playground when other children were there. Socializing was just not her thing. Her parents were sure that she would never be the person to stand up and perform on stage spontaneously. And it is ok.

This doesn’t really change when Jack comes around. Sure, as he grows older and more capable of things (Y/N) plays with him. But it really seems like he is the only one around her age she is not afraid to befriend.

Aaron and Haley reassure themselves that their daughter will find friends in elementary school. After all this is an institution where many children go to and there also are adults trained for helping them coming along. She definitely will find at least one other kid to hang out with regularly and learn how to be a proper child. Because as of right now (Y/N) is more like a little adult, taking responsibilities, like watching over her little brother, she doesn’t need to do voluntarily. Maybe she will be more messy, rebellious, anything but a perfect child.

But this doesn’t exactly happen. (Y/N)’s teachers are really happy with her. Every parent-teacher conference is about how well and polite she is, always behaving good and following the rules. Sadly, they don’t have any good news regarding her social life. It’s not that she doesn’t get along with her classmates, it’s just that she isn’t able to strike up a conversation or is very good at keeping one long enough that a kid is interested in her.

Knowing that (Y/N) is mostly quiet in her school days, Aaron makes it a habit to bring her more often to the office. She surprisingly warms quickly up to his team and whenever she is around them the girl is an unstoppable tornado running loose around the bullpen.

This is kind of how she grows up until the age of middle school. (Y/N) learns some social skills and makes a few friends over the last few years. Unfortunately these friendships are not as deep as the parents wish, still it’s better than nothing.

Things get difficult when Aaron and Haley start to separate. It never is easy when parents fall out of love and it is not only difficult for Jack to see his father not as often as he used to, considering he still is a toddler needing both parents. Especially (Y/N), who is more of a daddy’s girl than a mommy’s girl, suffers from the situation at home.

Of course it’s hard on her to not see her father for a week or two at a time, but ever since her parents are going on parted ways she sees him at most one weekend every three weeks. This also changes her social life dramastically.

“(Y/N), don’t you wanna do something with your friends? You can invite them over for the weekend”, Haley suggests after watching her daughter not going out with somebody outside of school for several days. For the past two weeks the ten year old just comes home, does her homework and puts her nose in one of the books her Uncle Spencer recommended.

The girl only looks up at her mother to shake her head. “Why not, Sweetie? I haven’t seen William and John in so long. Are you still friends with them?” (Y/N) nods again. “So what is it? Are you guys fighting?” Haley sits down next to her on her bed.

“No, they just-just don’t know about this. I don’t want to tell them. And I want to stay home. It’s ok how it is right now”, she admits. Her mother’s heart breaks at that statement.

In this moment she realizes that anything a parent does has immediate consequences for the children. “I’m sorry, Sweetie. I didn’t know this is so hard for you. Maybe you can talk to them over the next few days about it, I think it’ll help you. Do you want to watch a film with me for now? Jack has a sleepover at a friend’s. We can do a girl’s night. We hadn’t had one in a long time.”

(Y/N)’s eyes light up at that. “With all the candy in the world?” Haley smiles at the newfound excitement. “Of course. Anything you want.”

From only seeing Aaron every now and then it suddenly turns to not knowing when she will see him next. After George Foyet ambushes him and makes his family into the next target, (Y/N), her brother and her mother have to go into witness protection.

The goodbye at the hospital is painful and filled with tears. “But Dad, I don’t want to leave you. I’ll miss you too much. I don’t like not seeing you. And what about you? You will be more lonely and-and I can’t leave you”, she confesses, sobbing into him.

Hotch has to hold his own tears back. He doesn’t want to come over as stoic, but as the strong father figure he always tries to be. “Honey, I know I’ll miss you so much. You have to be strong for your mother. This will not be easy and I know it. I promise to do my best to get all of you back as soon as possible, ok? Please be good for your mother and behave. We all need to work together for you to get back fast and safely.”

(Y/N) continues to cry into his hospital gown. Aaron can’t help it and dissolves in tears himself while trying to calm her down. “Shh, Honey. Everything will be fine. I’m so so sorry for all this. I never wanted something like this to happen. Shh, we will see each other real soon. The team and I will do our best. Just please, don’t cry. Please, it all will be better. I can’t let you go without seeing your beautiful laugh for one last time.”

“I don’t wanna leave you, Daddy. I-I wanna stay with you and Uncle Dave and Auntie JJ and Uncle Spencer and Uncle Der and Auntie Penny and Auntie Em. I’m scared you won’t be fine when we come back.”

It’s needless to say that nobody cracked even a smile that day.

Going into witness protection made Haley worry about Jack especially. He is just four years old and she isn’t sure how much he understands about what’s going on. Surprisingly the boy gets accustomed to the situation pretty fast. Of course he misses his father and his people from school, but he is also quick to meet new ones in the town they moved to.

(Y/N) has bigger problems. New school. New kids. New everything.

“Maybe you can see it as a fresh start. Here is nobody you know. You can be whoever you want to be. I can take you shopping and you can try out a new style”, her mother tries to make the situation sound advantageous to her. But the girl dryly answers: “When somebody doesn’t like me how I am now, how will they like an act?”

Sam Kassmeyer regularly reports back to Aaron about his family’s well being. “Jack is thriving. His teachers describe him as a bundle of joy. (Y/N) slowly gets acclimated to the change. Haley told me she started making friends with a girl in their neighborhood. I already ran a background check and the family is clean.”

Hotch lets out a sigh of relief. He turns towards the image on Penelope’s monitor. “Happy fifth birthday, Buddy.”

A few weeks after that it seems like the events overturn each other.

Foyet coming back. Kassmeyer getting tortured. Foyet finding Haley and the children. Them coming back to their house. The call. Working the case with Jack. The gunshot. The fighting noises. Hotch opening the box and hugging both of his children, relieved to see them alive.

The following weeks are difficult for the now smaller family. They mostly consist of watching videos of happy memories and talking about their feelings. Although it’s more like Jack talking about his feelings, (Y/N) went mostly silent ever since their mother’s death. This worries her father more than anything.

Two months have gone by. “Hey Honey, I’m going into the office today. Do you wanna come with me, stay at home or go to school? Anything is fine by me”, he asks her softly, kneeling beside her chair at the table. The girl is munching on her cereal halfheartedly.

“Can I come to the office?” (Y/N) asks in a hoarse voice. It’s actually the first time in four days that Aaron hears her voice. A small smile forms on his face. “Of course, that’s nice. Aunt Penny is asking me after her favorite Hotchner for days on end now. And Uncle Spencer got a stack of books he has for you to read.”

His daughter nods and quickly gets ready. They are soon on their way to Quantico after dropping Jack off at daycare. “How are your classmates? Do you like the new school?” They decided to send (Y/N) to a different school. She couldn’t bear the thought of only being the girl whose Mom died because of a serial killer.

“It’s fine. There are a few girls who are really nice. I think we can be friends. Mo-” She suddenly cuts herself off. Aaron glances over at her. “Continue, Sweetheart. Just tell me what’s on your mind”, he tries to encourage her.

The girl hesitates before following her father’s advice. “Mom would have liked them,” she mumbles. It’s quiet for a few seconds. Hotch is looking for a suitable answer. After all it’s the first time she talked about her mother since her death. “I’m sure of it, Honey. Maybe you can invite them over and I can get to know them. Think about it, no pressure of course.” (Y/N) nods to indicate that she heard him.

Not long later they enter the bullpen. “There she is! My little Hotchner! How you doing, Baby?” Derek asks her and envelopes her into a hug. But she only shrugs her shoulders. This goes on for the rest of the day. Whenever anyone talks to her, the only answer is given by her body language.

Hotch watches helplessly Spencer trying to engage in a conversation with her. His arms and hands are waving around. (Y/N) though just looks at him without being really there mentally. It seems like she is lost in her own thoughts, like it happened so often over the last few months.

“Have you tried talking to her about it?” Dave asks, sitting down on the chair opposite of him. Aaron looks at him funny. “Of course. But (Y/N) is just not ready to talk about Haley and everybody grieves differently. I can’t force her to speak, Dave.”

The older agent leans back in his seat. “I don’t think she needs to talk about her. This probably is too soon. She needs to talk about you. The changes.” After a short pause, in which the other one still doesn’t get the point, Rossi continues. “That little girl just lost her mother. She is scared to lose her father, the one with the high risk job. I think that is enough to talk about.”

This occupies the agent for the remainder of the day. Aaron was so invested in fulfilling both parent roles, that he forgot that he is just a father. The man his children go to when they have a nightmare. The one, who is more lenient than their mother. He can’t be both ones. He can’t be two people in one.

A kid trusts a mother and a father usually. And he can’t be mother and father at once. Hotch has to accept the fact. The fact that (Y/N) and Jack are going to grow up without a mother. But luckily not without mother figures.

Later that day, after tucking Jack in, Aaron knocks on his daughter’s door. A small “Come in!” echoes back to him. He enters her room and spots (Y/N) already in her bed reading a book Spencer gave her today.

“Hey, do you have time before it’s lights out?” He asks, still wanting to give her the upper hand on this. The girl nods and scoots over for her father to take a place. He lays next to her, pulling his daughter into a hug.

“I know I can’t promise it. Coming back to you every time. You know it as much as I do. But I promise you to try anything and everything in the books. You guys keep me going.” Tears roll over both of their faces.

“I-I just”, (Y/N) moves her head onto his chest to sob into it, “Just don’t wanna lose you, too. I-I don’t think I-I can’t be the girl, who doesn’t have a mother AND a father. C-can you stop that from happening?” Hotch has to wipe his eyes before answering.

“I-I try to keep that from happening, Honey. I promise.”

This is how they fall asleep, squished in a twin bed close to each other. In the morning they both are overheated and got a visitor during the night. Jack wakes them up, asking why they had a sleepover without him.

This morning is the first time Aaron sees (Y/N) smiles since day zero.

Taglist:

All works:

@dindjarinsspouse @big-galaxy-chaos

Criminal Minds:

@averyhotchner @mggsprettygirl @herecomesthewriterwitch @ash19871962

#criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #x reader #reader insert #fanfiction #aaron hotch fanfiction #aaron hotchner #aaron hotch imagine #aaron hotch x reader #aaron hotch x child!reader #aaron hotch x daughter!reader #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner x child!reader #aaron hotchner x daughter!reader #x daughter!reader #x child!reader

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heyiwrotesomethings · 3 years

Text

Calling Out For Her

Cassandra Dimitrescu x She/Her Reader

A/N: Cassandra is my favorite I just love that girl. I thought it was real neat that Lady D could just call out for her and she’d appear so that inspired this. Some typical resident evil violence and language in here and Cassandra isn’t exactly nice at first, but she figures out how to be personable...kinda. Thanks for reading! Word Count: 6,158

(Y/n) was exceptionally careful. If tasked to understand what had allowed her to survive in the castle for so long, she would say it was because she was so careful, meticulous, with her work. All she had to do was follow a certain set of rules.

A polite tone brimming with reverence, ‘Yes Lady Dimitrescu’ or, ‘yes ladies Bela, Cassandra and Daniela’. Never a no, even if warranted, unless you want your eyes level with your toes and cool air meeting your stump of a neck. Always serve with a curtsy, never meet their eyes, never ask questions, keep your head down and clean, clean, clean like your life depends on it because like with everything else, it does.

The bottom line was that (Y/n) knew how to survive in the castle of Dimitrescu. It took tact, forward thinking, and a bit of luck. But today, after a very respectable nine months of service, (Y/n)’s luck had apparently run out. She had royally fucked up.

“Oh, fuck me—!“ (Y/n) hissed, followed by a sharp gasp as her grip slipped because of the dip of the chandelier.

She had no one to blame but herself. She had been assigned to clean the banisters and chandeliers of the foyer and had leaned out just a little too far with her duster. Thus, her scramble for purchase on the confounding light fixture to save her from cracking her skull on the marble floor below.

“H...help!” (Y/n) called, barely above her usual speaking tone. She dared not speak louder for fear of alerting any of the bloodthirsty daughters of her predicament. She could only hope one of her fellow maids was working nearby.

“No, nonono—“ the words left (Y/n)’s mouth faster than her lips could move. One of the metal weldings that held up the chandelier was creaking and becoming dangerously loose as time ticked by.

“Help!” (Y/n) called a little louder, the desperation bleeding into her tone as her fingers dug painfully into the decorative, jewel encrusted rim of the chandelier.

Yet still not a sound besides the creak of old metal giving way. Nine months of service to the Lady of the Castle and this was never how (Y/n) imagined she’d go. It wasn’t uncommon for some maids to take their life by their own hand, but (Y/n) wanted to keep fighting—!

“Ah!” (Y/n) cried sharply. The chandelier’s tether frayed a bit further, causing it to drop a few inches. She was fully panicking now, arms aching and chest heaving as she dangled. She made the mistake of looking at the cold, hard floor below and that only made her heart beat faster. She didn’t want to go out like this!

The chandelier fell another inch, stinging (Y/n)’s fingers. She was gripping so hard she was sure her fingers must have been bleeding. She needed someone, anyone to come and somehow in her panicked state, she thought of her Lady. If her Lady needed something done and done fast, all she had to do was call out her name and she would be there in an instant. Somehow in (Y/n)’s desperate mind, she thought that calling upon the most ruthless of the Dimitrescu Family was her best course of action.

“Cassandra!” (Y/n) yelled, closing her eyes tightly and fighting to maintain her precarious grip.

For a few seconds, there was just the creaking the chandelier and (Y/n) didn’t know whether to be relieved or devastated by the silence. Before she could resign herself to her fate, a faint buzzing could be heard below, growing in intensity until (Y/n) could see the swarm of blowflies collecting below her until they completely formed the middle Dimitrescu daughter. She looked up at (Y/n) with a sneer on her blood stained lips.

“Well, well, well. I must say that this is a first for me.” Cassandra hummed, a fist over her hip as she craned her head up, twisting this way and that to really get a good look. Yes, a maid hanging from a chandelier must have been a novelty to the monstrous woman indeed.

“Just how did you get into this predicament little mouse? Perhaps you are more of a monkey, hmm?” Cassandra giggled sadistically before idly licking the blood from her lips, smearing it around more than anything.

“I leaned too far over the banister while I was dusting.” (Y/n) explained through clenched teeth, trying to maintain her aching grip.

“Mmm, how clumsy of you.” Cassandra laughed again, moving her arms to rest across her chest, she propped her chin up in her gloved hand as she regarded (Y/n) with glee. “You know, I was going to skin you alive. You had called me away from cellar time after all, new arrivals are always the most fun to break. Not to mention that you, some lowly maid, think that I, a noblewoman of the House, am at your beck and call. Yes, I was going to kill you myself but now I’m curious,” Cassandra’s smirk widened to a full blown maniacal grin, “what will give out first? Your arms, or the chandelier?”

“Lady Cassandra, please!” (Y/n) wasn’t sure where she thought pleading would get her, but people will do all kinds of things they wouldn��t normally do under duress. Including begging a known sadistic killer to save them from certain death.

“Oh, she remembers her manners!” Cassandra mocked, “Do me a favor and just fall already. I fear I might be developing a crick in my neck.”

(Y/n) could feel the heat of incoming tears sting her eyes as she dangled several feet above her one woman audience. Well, no one could say she didn’t try. She started mumbling a little prayer for herself that turned into a yelp as the chandelier fell another half a foot, a much larger drop than the occasional two to three inches. The sudden gravity shift yanked (Y/n)’s hands clean off the chandelier, slicing her skin terribly as she tried to grab back on. She missed, she was falling.

(Y/n) couldn’t even scream, she just closed her eyes as tightly as she could and waited to meet the ground... speaking of which, shouldn’t she have hit it already?

(Y/n) peeled open an eye and slowly allowed herself to finally take in the buzzing that was surrounding her. Blowflies. She peered down past the swarm to see Cassandra, half formed with her arms outstretched, ready to receive her. (Y/n) could only stare, mouth slightly agape, as she was settled in Cassandra’s arms, watching the blowflies that had carried her mesh back into Cassandra’s legs.

“Why so surprised?” Cassandra asked with a mock sweetness that made (Y/n) shiver, “I simply couldn’t let you die just yet. No, I think I’d like to play with you just a little while longer.”

Cassandra happened to glance at the bloody hands clutched tightly to the maid’s chest and hummed. Adjusting her strong hold on the paralyzed maiden, she clutched the outermost wrist tightly and pulled it to her bloodied lips for a sample.

“Mm,” Cassandra appraised, passing her tongue over the cuts again, “yes, I think I’ll enjoy taking my time with you.” She cackled before unceremoniously dropping (Y/n) to the floor at a much safer, but still painful height.

“Go patch yourself up, my prey. You’re dismissed.” She said and then, she dispersed into a swarm of blowflies and was gone, her laughter bouncing off of the high ceilings.

(Y/n) sat on the floor dumbstruck, before finally getting up on shaky legs. She made her way to the maid’s quarters and upon seeing that it was empty, she allowed herself to cry as she cleaned and dressed her fingers. Lady Cassandra had saved her, saved her for a worse fate by her own hand no doubt. All she could do was wait.

***

Cassandra was a menace.

After the chandelier incident, (Y/n) found herself assigned to areas of the castle that Cassandra was known to frequent. There was never a minute’s rest when the middle child was free from her mother and sisters and even if Cassandra was occupied, (Y/n) often found herself nipped by the occasional stray blowfly as she did her work. There was no question in her mind where they had come from.

Yes, having caught Lady Cassandra’s eye had created a lot of extra work for the poor girl with extra antagonism. She’d poke and prod and pull, jostling (Y/n) around while she tried to stay on task. She would drag bloodied bodies through the carpeted halls (Y/n) had just cleaned and laugh as the poor maid went to restock her cleaning supplies. Cassandra would even demand (Y/n) drop everything to run her baths when she had grow tired of running around with blood smeared all over her like a toddler left alone with finger paints. She’d smugly present her bloodied face to (Y/n), silently demanding she wipe it clean for her and when she was satisfied, she would lean back in her tub and order (Y/n) to clean the bloodied weapons she’d drop dangerously close to her feet.

Cassandra was insufferable, yet, (Y/n) couldn’t help but think positively because it could have easily been much worse. For as taxing as dealing with Cassandra could be, she had never hurt her, not really anyway. Not like the poor maid who went to clean the armory and left with one less arm than she went in with. The occasional bite of a blowfly stung and the shoves and pinches could be bruising, but at least she still had all her limbs, no broken bones or sickle scars puckering her skin.

(Y/n) sighed to herself as she polished the same battle axe for the third time that week. She was the only maid allowed to clean the armory anymore after Bianca lost her arm. Lady Cassandra had said that only (Y/n) knew how to clean her toys with proper care and could make them twice as shiny and sharp. A few of the other maids would darkly joke with (Y/n) in the serving quarters about the middle Dimitrescu having a crush on her, but (Y/n) would simply dismiss their gossip and continue her work without complaint. Such rumors could be dangerous after all.

As (Y/n) heaved the axe back into its place on the wall, she heard the thrum of quick light feet running across the carpeted hall just outside. She frowned to herself, but kept working. Assuming it was just just another poor girl who was in the wrong place at the wrong time. However the door the the armory clicked open, and the slightly out of breath maid (Y/n) recognized as Moiara peaked in, flushed from all her running no doubt.

“Lady Dimitrescu is ordering all of the maids back to their quarters immediately.” The girl urgently informed.

“Whatever for?” (Y/n) asked, brows furrowed in concern. It was a most unusual order.

“Apparently a pack of Moroaica have escaped the cellar and are currently roaming the castle. The Lady’s daughters are hunting them down, but it could take some time to clear everything up. Lady Dimitrescu doesn’t wish to lose more workers than she can replace.” Moiara explained, albeit the last line came out a touch bitterly.

“I understand, I’ll make my way now. Be safe.”

“Thank you.” Moiara nodded before darting off again.

(Y/n) cautiously made her way to the door and peered down both ends of the hallway. Noting that it was clear, she left the doorway and shut the armory door before quickly walking in the direction of the maid’s quarters. It was quite a walk and (Y/n)’s heart went out to Moiara and the rest of the girls who were still scattered further within the castle’s walls.

The halls were eerily quiet and empty, not unusual, but with the added threat lurking, well, it made it a tad more unsettling. It was laughable really, for (Y/n) to be afraid now. The threat of death loomed over her head constantly and only now she was concerned?

(Y/n) chuckled despite herself as she rounded another bend, hardly checking her surroundings as she crossed the third hallway and then the fourth.

“Oh!” (Y/n) tripped on a raised wrinkle in the rug, her hand automatically grasped the curtain beside her to steady herself. She was lucky it didn’t rip or surely the Lady of the House would have her head, never mind the Moroaica.

As she made to steady herself on her own two feet again, the curtain she had grasped twisted harshly and was ripped from her surprised and slackened grip. (Y/n) felt her blood run cold and her feet turn to lead as the ‘curtain’ reached out for her, revealing rotten, gnarled fingers that snapped (Y/n)’s bicep in a firm squeeze. As it completed its turn, (Y/n) saw scraggly, yellowed teeth lunge for her neck.

She attempted to keep the stray Moroaica at bay. The whole interaction, frightening and life threatening as it was, was a near silent struggle. It was as if (Y/n) had lost her voice completely. All that came from her were stuttering gasps as the creature snarled and snapped at her.

It wrestled her to the floor and clawed at her clothes and skin, drawing the blood that it seemed to desperately crave. (Y/n) struggled and kicked at the creature but it was unrelenting and finally something happened that helped (Y/n) find her voice, she screamed.

The Moroaica clawed at her ribs, tearing fabric, skin and muscle alike. (Y/n)’s fighting grew weaker the more the monster dug at her and her mouth was still parted from her pained screams but they were now near silent croaks as the pain and blood loss threatened her consciousness. Seemingly noticing her weakened state, the Moroaica neared its yellowing teeth to her exposed flesh and—

“Oo, look Bela! I found another one~!”

(Y/n) reflexively closed her eyes and felt something hot and wet splatter across her face. She heard a squelching noise and felt dead weight fall against her body as Daniela’s giggles filled the hall.

“You shouldn’t be having so much fun.” Bela grumbled at her sister. “I knew mother should have sent you to your room. It would have been a more fitting punishment.”

“Okay, so maybe I forgot to lock the cellar, but you can’t say you aren’t having a good time as well.” Daniela said, grinning when Bela rolled her eyes, a small shadow of a smile forming on the eldest sister’s lips.

“Aw, look,” Daniela grunted, kicking at the dead Moroaica until its corpse rolled off of (Y/n), “well, let’s not let her go to waste. Her blood still smells good.”

“Wait, Daniela,” Bela said, holding her younger sister’s shoulder as she peered down at the bloodied maid her breaths coming raggedly as she fought to open her eyes. Bela sniffed and winced, shooting her sister a look.

“Daniela, take a closer look.”

“Ugh, fine,” the youngest groaned and leaned forward, “I don’t see why...” Daniela paused, her back went rigid. She just stared at (Y/n) for a few moments before finally turning to her sister, lips pursed.

“Cass is literally going to kill me.”

“You think?” Bela said, almost with complete disinterest.

“Well, don’t just stand there. Help me! If she dies, I die!” Daniela hissed, couching beside (Y/n) to assess the damage.

“I don’t know, I think I would kind of like to see Cassandra hunt you for sport.” Bela smirked.

“Bela!”

“Alright, alright.” Bela sighed, couching at (Y/n)’s other side.

The last thing the maid could make out before succumbing to unconsciousness was a dull, muffled buzzing and a feeling of weightlessness.

***

When (Y/n) awoke, she immediately noted that her throat was drier than a desert wind; her stomach and ribs also burned and itched like nothing she had ever experienced. She gingerly touched her stomach and found it covered in bandages. Her head ached so she pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes for a few moments.

With great effort she hoisted herself into a sitting position and had to do a double take of her surroundings. This was not the maid’s quarters and given the amount of time she had been spending in here lately, she was quick to realize she was in Lady Cassandra’s room, in her bed. Before (Y/n) could really let it all sink in, the door was yanked open.

Cassandra stalked in, shutting the door tightly behind her before standing over (Y/n) with a fire blazing in her golden eyes. A blowfly (Y/n) had initially failed to notice crawled down the bedpost before meshing back into Cassandra’s body. Apparently she had been being watched.

“Why didn’t you call for me?” Cassandra gritted out, gripping the bedpost so hard (Y/n) was afraid it would splinter.

“Lady Cassandra?” (Y/n) questioned, still feeling numb and achy and not at all ready for such aggressive energy.

“Glad to know you still remember.”Cassandra said mockingly before her voice became low and serious again, “You were in trouble, why didn’t you call for me?”

“I don’t...” (Y/n) winced and held her head, it felt like she was on a boat in rocky waters.

Cassandra took notice and with surprising gentleness, lowered (Y/n) to rest fully against the bed once more. She even offered (Y/n) water and helped her drink. Then she checked her temperature, the cool touch of her skin felt wonderful against (Y/n)’s aching head.

“What happened?” (Y/n) murmured, whining when Cassandra went to remove her hand. A bit hesitantly, she put it back. A small, prideful smile curved at her lips when (Y/n) relaxed against her touch.

“Don’t you remember?” Cassandra scoffed, “I swear, you humans are so unbelievably fragile. You were attacked by a Moroaica that strayed from its pack. Bela and the idiot who caused the whole mess found you. I did some sucking up to mother and we fixed you up with a little herbal remedy,” Cassandra frowned her voice becoming a tad accusatory, “Yet you still slept for a long time.”

“I’m sorry to have been an inconvenience Lady Cassandra.” (Y/n) spoke up after trying to absorb all that Cassandra had told her. Surely it would have taken more than a, ‘little herbal remedy’ to fix what had happened to her.

(Y/n) scrunched her eyes shut when Cassandra suddenly growled and pinched the maid’s nose.

“I’m glad you realize it. Do you know how infuriating it is to watch another maid handle my weaponry all wrong? To not make my room the way that I like it? Ugh, I’d have killed them all if mother let me.” She let go of (Y/n)’s nose, swiping the side of her index finger playfully over the bridge a couple times before re-settling her hand over (Y/n)’s cheek.

“That’s why, when you’re all better, you are going to have to train one of those imbeciles how to do it right.”

“I can do it myself, Lady Cassandra. I can get back to work tomorrow I’m sure of it.” (Y/n) nearly pleaded. She was sure any girl she trained would end up killed anyway. There were too many little things that could set Cassandra off to count.

“There is no more cleaning for you. You’re retired.”

“Retired?” (Y/n) couldn’t help but gawk up at Cassandra. The notion was wholly unbelievable. No one retired from serving the Dimitrescus’ unless you counted dying as a form of retirement.

“Yes.” Cassandra said with near vicious finality.

“Lady Cassandra, my parents count on the lei I send them from my job here, please reconsider. There is no work for me back at the village and I’d just be another mouth my family cannot afford to feed.” (Y/n) beseeched, her body quaked with fever.

“Calm yourself.” Cassandra spoke as if attempting to be soft, but was still very on edge. “Your family will still receive money. You aren’t going back to the village.”

“I’m not?” (Y/n)’s brows drew together with further confusion, “but, then what will be my purpose if I’m not to work?”

“Does it really matter?” Cassandra flustered, a buzzing sound filled the space between them, “Your family is getting money and you don’t have to do anything for it, be grateful!” Cassandra pinched (Y/n)’s cheek a bit harshly before standing and stalking away. The buzzing following her as she tore the door open once more.

“I’ll be back with lunch.” The Dimitrescu grumbled before closing the door behind her once more.

“What is going on?” (Y/n) whispered to herself in disbelief before resting her head fully back against the pillow. She caught movement in the corner of her eye and turned her head just in time to watch a blowfly crawl back into the dark canopy of the bed.

***

(Y/n) wasn’t sure what to do with herself. Suddenly, she had all this free time on her hands and would for a long time apparently. It was nice when she was still recovering, but now that she had healed, she felt antsy.

Cassandra had handpicked a trembling maid for (Y/n) to train, but even those sessions did not last long as the poor girl, Anca was her name, was still expected to complete other chores. Something that did help to pass the time however was Cassandra herself, strangely enough. She was always the one to bring (Y/n) meals unless she was busy with some task her mother had given her, also giving (Y/n) little gifts and talking to her throughout each day. Sometimes the ‘gifts’ were gruesome and the talks seemed more like interrogations, but the effort in which Cassandra put into every interaction left (Y/n) intrigued with, and appreciative of the middle child.

Now wasn’t one of those times unfortunately, and (Y/n) found herself pacing the floor of her room, yes, one of her very own. Given to her by Cassandra right across the hall from her own. Now that she was well enough to do more on her own, she had been moved there about three weeks ago to have her own space. Another thing that was unheard of coming from the middle Dimitrescu. (Y/n) paused by the window to look out upon the snowy ground below.

“Miss (Y/n)?” A knock on the door, “May I speak with you?”

“Anca,” (Y/n) paused her paces, that was strange. There had been no plans for a lesson tonight. Nevertheless, (Y/n) was happy for the company. Ever since Cassandra had removed her from service, the other maids had avoided (Y/n) like a plague “please come in.”

The nervous little maid came in, closing the door tightly behind her, shoulders stiff as she slowly approached and took a seat in the chair (Y/n) offered to her.

“Are you alright? You’re shaking.” (Y/n) frowned, reaching out to comfort her only to watch Anca shrink away from her hand.

“Lady Cassandra,” she spoke, looking wildly around the room, “she will kill me I’m sure of it. What game are you playing?”

“Game? I’m playing no game.” (Y/n) tried to assure. “Has she said anything to you? I promise I’m covering every base I can—”

“You aren’t doing enough!” She screeched, startling the other. “I’ve seen the way she treats you. The privileges you’ve gained. This is all a set up! You were in my shoes not long ago, have you really lost your humanity so quickly?”

“Anca, please, calm yourself. I’m not working against you, I swear.” (Y/n) tried to explain. “Tell me what’s wrong, let me help you. How can I help you?”

“How?” Anca mumbled, rubbing at her dark rimmed eyes. “It’s all because of you that I’m in this mess to begin with!”

“I’m sorry you feel that way, Anca.”

“No, I really don’t think you are.” Anca sniffed, rising from her chair. “But maybe there is something you can do to help me. I’m already dead, but I want to hurt Lady Cassandra before I go and I think I can do just that,” she pulled a knife from her apron, “if I take you down with me!”

“Anca!” (Y/n) screamed, stumbling away just before the knife could strike her.

“Just hold still! I’ll do it fast, please!” Anca cried as she swiped at her again. “Let me just have this one thing! This one last fuck you to this hell hole!”

“Stop! You’re making a mistake!” (Y/n) tried again, wrestling with Anca for the knife.

The scuffle went on for minutes before (Y/n) was thrown to the back wall, the knife missed her head just barely and sunk into the wood behind her. As Anca struggled to hold her in place and wedge the knife free, (Y/n) called out for her without even realizing it until the blood drained from Anca’s face.

“Cassandra!”

“No, shut up! Shut up you bitch!” Anca squealed, rocking the knife more vigorously.

“Cass—“ (Y/n) tried to call out again, this time fully aware of what she was doing, only to be head-butted by Anca in a desperate attempt to quiet her while she continued to work at the knife.

It was too late for that however, as proven by angry buzzing sounds roaring through the hallway and sliding under the door before forming right at Anca’s back, a cold hand joined Anca’s over the knife and grasped her so hard, (Y/n) could hear the maid’s fingers crack.

“You want this knife, do you?” Cassandra sneered, “Please, allow me.”

Cassandra tugged the knife from the wall like it had been warm butter, Anca’s hand still clenched in her own. She used her other arm to pull Anca off of (Y/n) with a rough tug and hardly took more than a few steps away before plunging the knife deep into the girl’s chest.

“There you go. You’re welcome you miserable little wretch.” Cassandra raked the knife downward, slicing Anca’s flesh all the way down to the hip as the poor girl screamed. “That will teach you to touch what doesn’t belong to you!”

(Y/n) could only watch, wide-eyed and trembling as Cassandra dissolved into her swarm, allowing Anca to fall to the floor before hundreds of little mouths began working at her flesh until the screaming ceased and all that was discernible was a frozen expression of agony on Anca’s face.

The blowflies came back together after a few more moments of feeding and Cassandra reformed, crouched beside (Y/n). (Y/n) didn’t even realize she had sunk to the floor during the gruesome attack.

Cassandra raised a blood covered hand to (Y/n)’s cheek, turning the face in her grasp, she assessed the damage, buzzing all the while. Somehow the sound felt, calming, reassuring. (Y/n) didn’t even flinch away from her touches and instead found herself leaning into them.

“Just look at what that thing did to you,” Cassandra hissed as she watched the blood leak from (Y/n)’s nose, “I should have killed her even slower.”

(Y/n) sniffled, leaning her head on Cassandra’s shoulder, “Thank you for coming.”

“I’ll always come to you if you call for me,” Cassandra sighed and pulled (Y/n) into her lap. She smelled almost overwhelmingly of blood, but (Y/n) couldn’t bring herself to care. “No one has ever called for me like you have before. No one that wasn’t my mother or sisters anyway,” Cassandra bit her lip, “I... at first, I was enraged that you called for me that first time, but the more I thought about it... Ugh! You made me feel all gross and buzzy inside. I’m just so used to humans fearing me, associating me with death. Never have I been called by one expecting to be saved from it.”

“Is that why you helped me after that Moroaica had attacked me?” (Y/n) asked, her voice still muffled by Cassandra’s shoulder. She didn’t really want to catch sight of Anca’s remains again while in the arms of her killer.

“Yes. I’m still mad at you for that.” Cassandra growled, “Why didn’t you call for me that time? I thought we had an understanding.”

“I’m sorry,” (Y/n) chuckled despite everything, “But I think understandings are usually met through open communication. I’m sorry I didn’t interpret your bug bites and general antagonisms as anything but blatant harassment.”

“Excuse me?” Cassandra snarled, reminding (Y/n) just how frightening she could be.

“I, I’m sorry Lady Cassandra. I forget myself.” (Y/n) stammered before gasping as Cassandra effortlessly rose to her feet with (Y/n) still in her arms.

“You must be awfully tired to be so mouthy. I can’t imagine you’ll want to sleep with a corpse on your rug so you’ll just have to sleep in my room until the maids clean this mess up. I suppose I’ll need to fix your nose too. So fragile, my prey is.” Cassandra sighed, clearly feeling inconvenienced by the whole situation. Though she carefully maneuvered out of the doorway so (Y/n) wouldn’t bump against it as they made the short trip across the hall to her room.

“You treat me quite well for being prey.” (Y/n) tested with caution. “You protect me, but why? Is it all so you can end me yourself at your own leisure?”

“Oh wow Cass, you really know how to make a maiden feel special.”

“I knew she was full of it, Bela! I bet they haven’t so much as kissed yet!”

(Y/n) felt Cassandra’s grip on her tighten as the mocking voices of her sisters closed in on them before Cassandra could slink into her room.

“Shut the hell up and mind your own business!” Cassandra fumed, crossing the threshold into her room before kicking the door shut, making a thunderous slam reverberate off of the castle walls.

Bela and Daniela merely giggled, seeping through the cracks of the doors before reforming over their sister’s bed, nearly falling on top of each other as Cassandra sped past them to take (Y/n) into her en-suite bathroom.

She placed (Y/n) on top on the counter and tweaked her nose without warning, making (Y/n) yelp in pain.

“Quiet prey, I needed to set your nose back into place is all,” Cassandra wrinkled her nose as more blood oozed from the abused cartilage, “damn, why must you smell so enticing.”

(Y/n) couldn’t find any words, both because her nose stung like hell and she was still stuck on what Daniela and Bela were taunting Cassandra about, so she just managed a small shrug.

Cassandra hardly seemed to mind her lack of verbal response. She was too busy grinding her teeth as her sisters continued to whisper and laugh in the bedroom. Cassandra quickly wiped and stuffed (Y/n)’s nose, nearly hissing at her to remain still before going back to deal with her unruly siblings, licking the stray blood from her fingers as she went.

(Y/n) tried to give her some privacy, she really did, but it was hard not to listen in when they were speaking so loudly, and about herself no less.

“You two get out of my room, now!” Cassandra commanded.

“Why? It’s not like anything unseemly is going to be happening in here. Right, Daniela?” Bela giggled while Daniela downright cackled with glee.

“Get. Out. Now!” Cassandra bellowed.

“Oh no Cassie,” Daniela waggled a finger, snatching it back before Cassandra could bite it, “you spend weeks pretending to have gone all the way with dear (Y/n) over there like some casanova and now we find out she doesn’t even know you like her?”

“What’s the matter Cassandra? It isn’t like you to be so chaste.” Bela said with a smirk.

“She must really like this one to be taking her time like this.” Daniela hypothesized with a bloodstained grin.

“Leave you idiots!” Cassandra nearly screamed, “She can probably hear everything you’re spewing! I’ll throw you out in the cold, don’t think I won’t!”

“Geez Cass, no need to be so hostile,” Bela shivered at the thought.

“Yeah, you take your well deserved teasings or we’ll tell mother you are not playing fair.” Daniela added with a pout.

Cassandra pinched the bridge of her nose shutting her eyes tightly before releasing her nose with a growl and snapping her gaze back to her sisters.

“What do you want?” She grumbled.

“Oo! I want the best bits of your next hunt!” Daniela immediately proclaimed.

“I want to watch you flounder about whilst you try to explain your affections to the maiden.” Bela had said after a moment of consideration.

“Oh! That sounds fun. I retract my previous statement. I want what Bela’s having.” Daniela wiggled.

“I hate you both.” Cassandra huffed before stalking back to the bathroom, her giggling sister’s on her heels. (Y/n) quickly shot her gaze down at her swinging feet, suddenly more interested in the patterns of the floor below.

It didn’t take long for Cassandra to grab (Y/n)’s jaw and pull her face upward to meet her golden eyes.

“Listen prey,” Cassandra swallowed and blinked, her eyes darting all around (Y/n)’s face, “I...”

“Come on, Cassandra. It’s not that difficult.” Bela cooed, egging her sister on.

“I could tell her for you. That would be fun.” Daniela suggested, shrinking back just a bit at the look Cassandra shot her over her shoulder.

“Prey, (Y/n), I... Why is this so hard!” She stomped her foot and her nails bit into (Y/n)’s skin a bit too harshly, “I like you a lot and that’s why I’ve been helping you. I want you to like me too. Do you? Be honest.” She asked with a bit of hostility.

Did (Y/n) like Cassandra? Either way, it seemed like a death sentence to say no. Cassandra seemed to notice (Y/n)’s trepidation and quickly added,

“You don’t have to be scared. I won’t hurt you, just tell me the truth. If the answer is not to my liking then I guess I’ll simply have to try harder.” She said as if the words physically hurt her to say.

(Y/n) thought back on all of her interactions with Cassandra in a new light. Actually being caught as she fell, the schoolyard boy with a crush behavior (which honestly didn’t give the her any points but did make sense for how the murderous woman might try to show affection), most promising was how she brought (Y/n) back to health and continued to send money to her struggling family despite not working. Then of course she had saved her from Anca’s knife, wasting no time in cutting her down and checking (Y/n) over with care.

(Y/n) gave Cassandra a small smile that steadily grew a bit wider as golden eyes traced the movement and a hopeful sounding buzz began warbling in the back of her throat. Even the sisters standing behind her buzzed in unison, seemingly feeling their sister’s hope and growing excitement.

“Lady Cassandra, I like you too—Eep!”

Cassandra’s face dove into (Y/n)’s neck as her strong arms wrapped around (Y/n) to hold her still as she nuzzled and buzzed to her heart’s content. Bela and Daniela dissolved into their swarms and were haphazardly flying around them in celebration.

Cassandra gave (Y/n)’s neck a playful nip, much softer than a blowfly, before standing back to her full height and throwing (Y/n) over her shoulder.

“Lady Cassandra?” (Y/n) tried, wiggling a bit in the sudden new hold.

“Shhh, I’ve been waiting for this moment for weeks.” Cassandra said, craning her neck to look up at her sisters still buzzing above them, “Buzz off.” She told them. The clouds of flies let out a bout of disembodied laughter before slipping back under the door, feeling that they had given their sister enough grief for one night.

Once Cassandra was sure they were gone, she tossed (Y/n) on to the bed and climbed in as well, hovering over the stuttering maiden.

“Wuh- wait, Cassandra, I know we established we like each other but—“ the former maid flustered as Cassandra rested her full weight over (Y/n)’s body and moaned pleasantly in her ear.

“Mm, you’re so warm. I could just lay here forever.” She sighed, snaking her hands underneath (Y/n)’s back.

“Thank... you?” (Y/n) awkwardly replied. For as tall and strong as Cassandra was, she was surprisingly light. (Y/n) figured the fact that she was made up of flies had something to do with that.

Cassandra hummed some more, nuzzling her nose in the crook of (Y/n)’s neck and breathing so deeply that (Y/n) couldn’t help but giggle. There was a bit of concern bleeding in the back of her mind, but the smiling lips on her collarbone were quick to distract her.

“I quite like it when you make that sound, it’s sweet. But right now I’m quite tired, and I would like for you to be quiet now. I’m listening to your blood move.”

Well, that was a slightly terrifying admission. (Y/n) must’ve been going mad because she reacted no differently than if she had said she was listening to her heartbeat.

“Goodnight then.” (Y/n) murmured, slowly patting Cassandra’s hair, earning a low continuous buzzing that persisted until they had fallen asleep together.

#re8 oneshots #resident evil oneshots #resident evil village oneshots #cassandra dimitrescu #cassandra dimitrescu x reader

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absolutebl · 3 years

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Top 10 BLs Out of Thailand

(Presented in order of my personal preference and historical relevance, there is a spate of new excellent BL in 2022, but... these are kinda more important historically.)

Until We Meet Again (2019) - a non BL trope reliant fated mates romance that just happens to have the right setting and age of protagonists to fit the genre. UWMA is a work of narrative genius, and the actors all turn in stellar performances, it is the best Thai BL from a storytelling perspective.

1000 Stars (2021) - running a close second with another strong story concept that nods at BL tropes and elements but manages to elevate them and itself.

Bad Buddy (2022) - This was GMMTV’s flagship BL and it started 2022 on a BANG (okay no actual banging but you know what I mean), starring heavy hitters Ohm & Nanon in a pitch perfect university Romeo & Romeo masterpiece that will give you domesticity meets pain whiplash throughout and jet lag at the end. Some of the friendship and family dynamics are overworked, but it has great production values, killer acting, and some conscious effort to correct for half a decade of Thai BL’s anti-queer mistakes. Full review. (For me, personally, 2019′s He’s Coming to Me takes the #3 slot but very new people have bothere to watch it, sadly. It’s the third in my precious triumvirate of unbeatable BL, that is only nominally BL because the story, acting, and production are so good.)

Love By Chance (2018) - everything I like about LBC comes from new Thai BL traditions, and everything I don’t like comes from the yaoi roots (which says a lot more about me than LBC). AePete are the model new BL couple, soft and gentle with each other, subversive of the seme/uke dynamic, sweet, kind, and low angst. All the other pairs (TinCan, KlaNo, and TumTar) are old school dysfunctional yaoi couples thrust into a modern narrative. It hurts my brain so I pretend none of them exist.

Love Sick + Love Sick 2 (2014-2015) - the break out hit BL series within Thailand that launched the country’s relationship with the genre. It has very few traditional yaoi tropes, but it started several BL tropes of its own, that Thailand now perpetuates.

SOTUS + SOTUS S (2016-2017) - if Love Sick made BL famous in Thailand, SOTUS made it famous outside of Thailand. All the Thai BLs that followed owe their existence to this series.

2gether + Still 2gether (2020) - if Love Sick started it and SOTUS pushed it forward, 2g made Thai BL a phenomenon. It’s peak new BL in that it’s gentle with its characters (except the femme ones, sigh), weakly seme/uke, low heat but good couple chemistry, uses a traditional romance foundation (fake dating) with a comedic bent, miscommunication and BL tropes as narrative drivers, and everything turns out charming in the end.

TharnType + Tharntype 2 (2019-2021) - if 2gether reps for the new BL, Tharntype is the last gasp at traditional yaoi. It has all the problems of dubious consent (even kidnapping) plus obsession, rape, and so much more that origin yaoi dolled out in spades, and that Taiwan is still messing about with. Unfortunately, we still fetishize and enjoy these tropes, and the leads of this series had the best chemistry.

Lovely Writer (2021) - I probubly like this BL better than others will from this list, it somewhat requires understanding of Thai Bl as an industry to comprehend fully. It’s a bit sinister and self critical but classic yaoi-style dynamic, strong seme/uke and solid story. An excellent all-rounder.

KinnPorsche (2022) - Thai BLs 2022 SENSATION and it has EVERYTHING. No like everything Thailand does with BL is in this show, from soup to nuts, sweet to savory ass licking. Look My Ride should occupy this spot for me personally, but basically everyone who was gonna try BL watched KP, so it has to take #10 on this list for pure popularity reasons.

Missing from the list:

Theory of Love (2019) - not my favorite BL but iconic as the first primary vehicle for OffGun, one of the biggest BL acting pairs. They started as a side couple in Puppy Honey 2016 and with another new BL coming in 2021, OffGun are one of the longest running still working pairs of BL actors in the world (7 years and counting) see 2022′s Not Me and more to come.

Why R U? (2020) - a hot mess (with the emphasis on hot) of loosely linked BL tropes so that the chemistry of the two couples is the only thing that carries this show. It’s a good thing that chemistry is FANTASTIC.

Dark Blue Kiss + the Kiss Me Again PeteKao cut (2018-2019) - I mention this because the acting pair TayNew is so famous. They start as a side couple and then are in a secret romance LTR by the time DBK rolls around. Thus DBK is not a traditional BL, because it’s not a traditional romance, more like a soap opera.

Ingredients the series (2021) - is fun to look at because it uses tropes only popular in Thai BL and it is another very gentle execution, like Oxygen. It has no story because it’s an advertisement, yet it’s still a great watch.

Make it Right + Make it Right 2 (2016-2017) - basically an homage to Love Sick but with different character twists, MIR is primarily important because it’s responsible for the rise of the Thai BL pulps.

2 Moons + 2 Moons 2 + 2 Moons 3 (2017-2022) - significant mainly because of the impact of its source material. 2 Moons the Y-novel is one of the most popular written BLs in Thailand. It has many tropes that other Thai BLs would employ visually but which actually originate in this novel (umbrella and pink milk in particular).

Oxygen (2020 YouTube) - I think of this as the paragon of Thailand’s BL style, since Oxygen uses every BL trope in the playbook for one of the gentlest lowest angst BLs ever made. This one showcases how far Thailand is moving BL from its yaoi roots, and is a prime example of the sweet “new BL” model for which Thailand is the main advocate (Korea is liking it a lot these days too, tho). My first watch along. My first watch along.

My Ride (2022 Gaga) - Thai BL grew up with this pulp (the first ever to make my end of year top 10). It’s a truly lovely and special little show featuring the extremely rare pairing of sunshine/sunshine plus mature explorations of relationships using one of the softest, sweetest and most innocent friends to lovers vehicles. With honest queer rep that adds to, but doesn’t impede, the story, and genuine conversation about the nature of class, wealth, and classism, not to mention communication, honesty, and respect for boundaries, you can’t go wrong with this show. Full review.

Manner of Death (2021 WeTV)- MaxTul, the original muscle kings of co-branded high heat in a gay suspense drama that blew BL fans’ minds.

Thai BL in Brief

Like Taiwan, Thailand is relatively new to the BL genre. Their first actual offering was 2007′s Love of Siam, but that is much more of a coming of age queer movie than anything else (it sad).

It was high school set Love Sick in 2014, a lakorn (soap opera) about two boys in blue shorts falling in love (actually a pretty decent take on bisexual awakening) that brought this genre into the Thai limelight.

Love Sick was a sensation in Thailand. It used very few traditional yaoi tropes, instead launching what would become Thai standard BL tropes that are still in use to this day - sponge bath, beach trip, forest trip, singing feelings, floppy drunk, etc... Love Sick owes a lot of its charm to some stellar dialogue and the two protagonists, particularly Captain’s Noh who was an unbelievably appealing character.

A few Thai shows tried to replicate Love Sick’s magic, like Make it Right. This specific style of high school set soapy drama + BL tropes would go on to form the backbone of Thailand’s BL pulps (like Friend Forever, Cupid Coach, Second Chance, Brothers, etc...). Although none of those that followed would ever be as long running or as popular as Love Sick 2.

SOTUS burst onto the scene in 2016 and made Thai BL a sensation. It used more classic yaoi tropes (obsession, care and feeding, secret romance) than Love Sick and added a few of its own quintessentially Thai ones that, again, would get picked up and associated with Thai BL forever (symbolic gifts, he’s in engineering, gear symbolism, hazing, freshy games, public claiming, supportive friends).

After SOTUS, Thailand turned to mass production of BL ranging in quality and style, from microfilms to movies to specials and spin offs, to series of varying lengths. The sheer volume alone guaranteed there would be at least some breakout hits every year, and they have basically dominated the genre since 2017.

The length of Thai series tend to be 9-14 episode of 30-45 minutes of fresh content, each one broken into four parts.

The mean is for 12 eps, with the emotional crisis often occurring in ep 11. This is known amongst BL viewers as the “curse of episode 11.”

Thailand remains the #1 mass producer of BL by a landslide.

Thailand keeps production costs low by nearly always setting in high school/university which means inexpensive wardrobe and location. They swing government sponsored pro-tourism deals for beach and forest shoots, and cast as small and tight as possible. They skimp on makeup, lighting, cinematography, and sound tech. They get product placement sponsorship deals that often end up benefiting the lead actors as well. They save on workshopping by reusing actors, actor pairings, characters, and directors (in an old school 1930s Hollywood style studio system).

Basically, it’s a model that should sound very very familiar... this is how daytime soap operas and telenovelas have worked for decades.

As a result, Thailand has found and stuck ruthlessly to a few less controversial yaoi tropes, and their own newly developed ones, which make their offerings generally less offensive than anything that came before from Japan or China. They have moved towards being more sanitized, romantically gentle, and predictable. Now, with a vocal international audience, they are even trying to be more queer friendly.

Which I actually kind of like, after all I list Oxygen as one of my favorite BLs. Oxygen couldn’t be more Thai, can you imagine China, Taiwan, or Japan producing something like it? No, only Thailand does this style of BL.

When Thailand finds itself a GREAT story/script that actually still works within its self-imposed BL limits of taste and stye, then it manages to hit something out of the park, as they did with Until We Meet Again, I Told the Sunset About You, The Eclipse, Not Me, and 1000 Stars.

BL is turning into a soft power for Thailand and is lucrative enough for them to start taking some risks, as they did with Manner of Death. But I thought KinnPorsche was going to be the biggest test of Thai BL’s legs and willingness to leave its safe little established cheap ecosystem of university life and regurgitated tropes (and it was).

DATA CORNER

Thai BL is growing exponentially. In 2020 they increase their output from 2019 by 1/3, which in turn was a 1/4 more than 2018, which was 1/4 more than 2017, and so forth. They continued this pace 2021 increasing by 1/3 again and then in 2022. If you chart starting in 2014 it’s a darn near perfect exponential growth curve.

This is part of a series on top 10 BLs from each country coupled with a history of BL.

Japanese BL

Chinese BL

Taiwanese BL

Korean BL

Thai BL

Thai BL is my main bailiwick here’s a MASTER POST on the subject.

Where to watch it? If the production company launches it on YouTube, like GMMTV, I recommend subscribing to that channel. Lately some of the harder to find pulps have been posting officially to YouTube after a time delay. Line TV online international carries many of the pulps. Otherwise try Daily Motion or Drama Cool. If all else fails, you can search the comment threads on My Drama List.

BL Docs & NonFic Resources on YT

BL History

Thai BL

TED Ex BangKok (growing up gay in Thailand)

Perth on working on a BL show (Thailand, Aussie perspective)

ALL BLS OUT OF THAILAND

That I have watched and rated, by date & then rating out of 10 as of June 2022.

2007 Love of Siam - 2 2013 Timeline - 3 2013 Love Next Door 1 - 2 2014 Love Sick - 7 2014 Love Next Door 2 - 4 2014 My Bromance the movie - 2 2015 Love Sick 2 - 7 2015 Love Love You - 3 2015 Water Boyy the movie - 2 2015 Feel Good to Say Goodbye - 2 2015 Same Same Is Not The Same - 2 2015 Red Wine in the Dark Night - 1 2016 Puppy Honey BL Cut - 8 2016 SOTUS - 8 2016 Make it Right - 7 2016 The Right Man Because I Love You - 5 2016 Sweet Student Boy Sweet Boy - 2 2016 Gray - 2 2016 My Bromance the series - 1 2016 Grey Rainbow: Views of Love - 1 2017 SOTUS S - 8 2017 Puppy Honey2 BL Cut - 8 2017 Make it Right 2 - 7 2017 My Dear Loser Edge of 17 - 6 2017 2 Moons the series - 6 2017 Together with Me - 6 2017 I Am Your King 1 - 3 2017 Waterboyy the series - 3 2017 I Love You - 2 2017 Present Perfect - 2 2018 SOTUS Our Skyy - 8 2018 Kiss Me Again PeteKao - 8 2018 Love By Chance - 8 2018 My Tee: Cause You're My Boy - 6 2018 InnSun Our Skyy My Dear Loser - 5 2018 PeteKao Our Skyy Dark Blue Kiss - 5 2018 PickRome Our Skyy Puppy Honey - 5 2018 You Had Me At Hello - 5 2018 TeeMork Our Skyy My Tee - 5 2018 My Dream - 3 2018 Together with Me the next chapter - 3 2018 What the Duck - 2 2019 Until We Meet Again: The Red Thread - 10 2019 He's Coming to Me - 9 2019 Dark Blue Kiss - 8 2019 Theory of Love - 8 2019 TharnType - 8 2019 2 Moons 2 - 7 2019 3 Will Be Free - 7 2019 Great Men Academy - 6 2019 Good Loser 2 parts - 5 2019 With Love the series - 5 2019 I Am Your King 2 - 3 2019 Before I Love You 3 parts - 3 2019 2 Wish the series - 3 2019 Love Poison - 3 2019 Make it Live on the Beach: Make It Live: On The Beach - 3 2019 Reminders - 3 2019 The Best Twins - 2 2019 The Effect - 2 2019 Dew the Movie - 1 2020 Ghost Runner - dnf 2020 I Told The Sunset About You - dnf 2020 Oxygen the series - 9 2020 Still 2gether - 8 2020 2gether - 8 2020 Why R U? - 8 2020 En of Love Love Mechanics - 7 2020 My Engineer - 7 2020 Ingredients the series - 7 2020 Theory of Love special - 7 2020 Love By Chance 2: A Chance at Love - 6 2020 My Gear and Your Gown - 6 2020 Present Still Perfect - 6 2020 En of Love: This is Love Story - 6 2020 En of Love: Tossera - 6 2020 Location - 5 2020 YYY the series - 5 2020 Friend Forever - 5 2020 So Much In Love - 5 2020 TharnType 2: Seven Years of Love - 5 2020 Night of Love - 4 2020 YYY Special - 3 2020 The Moment - 3 2021 My Boy - dnf 2021 Call it What You Want - dnf 2021 Call it What You Want 2 - dnf 2021 I Promised You the Moon: I Told Sunset About You - dnf 2021 Love Poison 2 - dnf 2021 Hidden Love - dnf 2021 Country Boy - dnf 2021 1000 Stars A Tale of Thousand Stars - 9 2021 Lovely Writer - 9 2021 Golden Blood - 8 2021 Nitiman - 7 2021 Manner of Death - 7 2021 Second Chance - 7 2021 Y-Destiny - 6 2021 Gen Y the series - 6 2021 My Mate Match - 6 2021 The Yearbook - 6 2021 Bite Me - 6 2021 Once in Memory: Wish Me Luck - 6 2021 Once in Memory - 6 2021 Love Advisor - 6 2021 Tonhon Chonlatee - 6 2021 Top Secret Together - 5 2021 Love With Benefits - 5 2021 Siew Sum Noi - 5 2021 Love Area Part 1 - 5 2021 The Best Story YinWar - 5 2021 Don’t Say No LeoFiat Special - 5 2021 Evening Cafe - 5 2021 Brothers - 4 2021 Close Friend Season 1 - 4 2021 Loveless Society - 4 2021 7 Project BL Cut - 4 2021 Fish Upon the Sky - 4 2021 The Cupid Coach - 3 2021 My Bromance 2: 5 Years Later - 3 2021 The Couple - 3 2021 Hometown's Embrace - 3 2021 Love Machine - 1

2022 broke me. Just too many in 2022 I gotta stop. You can read the 2022 list here. 2022 BL Wrap Up - All The Shows I Watched... rated

(This post only goes up to end of 2022 I reserve the right to add to it at any time. source)

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bored-storyteller · 3 years

Note

Hey! I really like how you write about Sally Face, I love how you highlight his kindness but also his strength. It struck me a lot how he wonders if anyone will ever love him, I guess it's hard for him to believe in someone's love for him, from a romantic point of view. I thought ... could you write something about a reader in love with him, who gets rejected for that reason but still loves him until Sal dies? You don't have to do it (also because you prefer angst / comfort right?), But I try to ask you ... I'd like to see it written by you. It will hurt but it will be worth it.

Dear Anon,

I hope you like this because I suffered the pain of hell writing this :3

But jokes aside, I hope it does justice to your expectations, I hope I have treated everything with the right delicacy.

Warning: ANGST and SPOILER (I say this for safety)

The story is set in the canonical plot, even if there may be slight differences (after all there is always one more character, you). But for those who haven't played Sally Face this could be revealing.

77- Sally Face, Sal Fisher x reader (Angst)

“The sunflower that cannot bloom “

"I love you."

Those words had slipped off your lips with one of the most beautiful smiles Sal had ever seen.

You weren't perfect, but you were tailor-made for him. Somehow, he had thought that from the first day he met you, by mistake, on a black day. You had offered him a sunflower, a huge yellow flower that shone like the sun in the midst of his misfortunes, and his black day had grown better.

This was you, what he needed when the weight was too much to carry, when he found himself snorting one too many times, when he felt like crying.

Still, even though you were tailor-made for him, he wasn't tailor-made for you.

He would have liked to believe you, with all his heart, he would have asked for nothing more than to be loved by you.

But he couldn't believe it.

"No, you don't ..." His voice was gentle, as if he were explaining something important to a little child.

Your brows had furrowed as you pointed your gaze into the depths of his soul.

"You do not believe me?" Your tone wandered between uncertainty and offense "Do you think I'm lying to you?"

A sigh rang through the empty hollows of his mask: “No, you're not lying to me. I just think you… don't really know what you're saying. "

Your expression deepened as you prepared to argue back. He had seen the wound open inside you and he had looked away; he couldn't watch you while he hurt you.

Oh, he was so good at making himself loved. The river of emotions that had overwhelmed you had died out as soon as his one living eye was separated from you.

Disappointment, anger, sadness had disappeared in favor of affection for him.

His mask was flat, helpless, cold towards his heart, yet he communicated more than anyone else with that immense little soul of him.

"Sal ..." finally you called him gently, reassuring, while your fingers lovingly brushed the cheek of the cold prosthesis.

"I love you." You repeated it, and he turned to tell you to stop. He couldn't be loved, he didn't feel capable of being loved.

He would never have a love like that of movies, or even like that of normal people, like Maple and Chug. He, as he was, could never have been loved, not even by you.

He was going to tell you, to tell you everything, but you stopped him softly: "but it's okay if you don't want to."

You barely laughed, as if everything was really okay with you, and you leaned on his shoulder, cuddling against his neck.

"I have my whole life to make you understand." You said cheerfully, and he just looked at you, accepting that little stubbornness of yours.

Even though he was aware that one day he would see you happy in the arms of someone you really would love, for the time being it was okay for him to bask in that little illusion you were giving him.

---

Life had been cruel.

"I had no choice."

Those words had pierced your brain.

The first time he had told you with a force that you almost confused with anger. His body had never been so rigid in front of you, motionless, sitting on the other side of the table in the visiting room of the prison, surrounded by other inmates like him.

You wondered if you were sane, because you looked into the eyes of a murderer, a killer who had exterminated families, who had even killed a little girl, yet your tears were for them, but also for him.

Whatever it was, Sal hadn't changed, and behind his mask he was more broken into pieces than you were. He hadn't had a choice, for some reason he hadn't had a choice.

It was weird and unreal, but you had no doubts about him, even though your mind still couldn't believe what happened, and Sal probably didn't really realize it either.

However, the second time he told you "I had no choice" his voice was different. He was different, and so were you. You had grown up, but both of you had stood still in what had happened. At that moment he was telling you so that you believed him, so that you knew it was not what he wanted, because if he could have chosen at that moment you would have been together in front of a pizza, telling you how boring the day had been.

"I beg you ..." You whispered so as not to let him hear how broken your voice was "... tell me what I have to do to save you."

It was the first time you used that word, out of pure desperation.

For a moment he hesitated and hoped you wouldn't see his uncertainty behind the mask. Finally, Sal shook his head in silence; he didn't know if it would do any good, but at least he would try to protect you.

Your hand was holding his for the first time in years, and you both knew it would be the last time you would hold it. You had done everything to be able to have that last contact, to still be able to hold him before they took him away from you forever.

You didn't want to cry, you wouldn't have done it on your last time together, but your heart was so heavy that you thought you would die as soon as you separated.

While you massaged the back of his hand with your thumb, you tried to record every detail in your mind that belonged to him, to burn the heat of his palm against yours, to remember the exact weight of his touch.

I love you, you wanted to tell him, you never stopped doing it, not a second you stopped giving him your best side, and you would have given it only to him also in the future.

"You are so important to me, Sal ..." your blue sky under which sunflowers bloom.

"Thank you ... for always being with me."

Part of you died when you let go of his hand that day.

---

Until the last you hoped that something would happen. A ghost that suddenly appears, an angel, a new discovery ... anything, as long as he was kept away from that electric chair.

When your phone rang, you were deluded for a moment.

"Hey…"

"Sal?"

"They ... allowed me to call whoever I wanted ..."

Your heart fell on hearing his voice. It was his last day, his last day in your own world, that was his farewell to you.

"Sal, I-" Your words broke into a sob you couldn't hold back "I'm with you, I'll always be with you."

Silence invaded the line between the two of you as you tried not to give him your tears as your last caress.

"I know it." He was holding back the crying, you could hear it "And I'll always be with you too, know that."

You were tailor-made for him, and his heart would remain for you, even if you moved on, you would love someone worthy sooner or later, or at least he hoped you would, that the demon would not devour your future. .

"Bring me some sunflowers if you can ... ok?" That request trembled "They always make me think of you."

You forced yourself to cover your mouth with your palm to stifle your agony: "I'll fill you with sunflowers."

Something told you that even if you couldn't see him, he was trying to smile: "It's a bit a cliché but ... be happy."

You would have preferred to have died in that very moment.

"Sal, wait!" You begged for him now, holding on to the phone like it was him, like you could hold him there.

He hesitated at the desperation of your voice.

"I can't ..." his voice was soft, light, like when he consoled you years ago, when all this seemed simply impossible.

“I beg you…” You didn't know who you were really praying for, but you weren't ready to hear his voice go out.

One more minute, one more touch, a hug.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry you had to put up with this." A sob from him too. “Please… fight for your happiness, okay? You deserve all the happiness in the world. "

"Sal ..."

The answer that followed was the only intermittent sound of the blank phone line.

It's over, you'll never be able to hear Sal's voice again. You won't be able to talk to him anymore.

And he never believed you loved him.

---

How could you ever be happy?

His mask still looks at you as it always did, but behind the empty gaze there are nothing but blades of grass growing above his burial.

How could they bury him without his mask? He will feel uncomfortable.

Now you don't have to be strong for him anymore, you can collapse, break, destroy yourself, scream like you've never screamed, ask him to come back, because you need him.

Your fingers caress the cold, hard cheeks of his prosthesis as they always did, as if he were still behind it. Next to it, the sunflower he asked you for, like the one you gave him the first time you saw him.

"I love you Sally face ..." your words now go to the wind, they cannot be refused.

"I really love you."

---

Where you don't know, where you are not, a guy who has the weight of the world on his shoulders thinks about how much he could never be loved as people love each other in movies, or how people love each other in the world. But suddenly, like a ray of light, in the darkness he is facing, the yellow of a sunflower blooms. It's just a thought, but for a moment it's warm, and sweet, and it carries your voice with it.

You exist only within him, but you give him the love he needs, the one he didn't believe in, but which instead exists.

It is a tormented love, which suffers, but still welcomes him and wraps him as your arms did.

You are not there, you are far away, unreachable.

But he feels it, you're still there with him

#sally face #sally face x reader #sal fisher x reader #sal fisher #sally face sal #angst #death of a character #spoiler alert #gaming #horror

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wormstacheangel · 3 years

Text

For The Girl Who Has Everything

Masterpost link for Reelin’ In The Years: Here

AO3 Link: Here

wc: 2.4k Summary: Claire is too mad to even look at Cas let alone talk to him. Dean knew he had to step up because two people with messed up childhoods and anger issues really need to spend more time together talking about their feelings.

When Chuck was defeated, a lot of people came to the bunker to celebrate. Those times were a big blur to Dean, his focus was on finding a way to save Cas, and it wasn’t until he saw Claire run down those steps that the world focused again. She smiled at him, a rare big grin, before her arms wrapped around his neck to bring him down for a hug with an intoxicating giggle.

‘She didn’t know,’ Dean thought as his arms hung loosely at his sides.

He hid his face in her curls, not knowing how to face another kid Cas left behind because of him. He was holding his breath when she pulled away to look at him. Her eyebrows were raised in a question that Dean didn’t hear. Didn’t want to hear.

She repeated it, “Dude, where’s Cas? Is the old man sleeping or something?”

‘Yes.’ Dean swallowed the hard lump in his throat.

He didn’t look at the audience around them when he finally opened his mouth to say, “Claire, Ca—” He couldn’t say his name. He felt like it would tear the fragile wall that was keeping him on his feet if he did. “I’m sorry.”

Dean watched as her face twisted into confusion, understanding, and then settling into anger.

She was trying to fight the tears, but they fell as she yelled, “No! No, you were—Where were you? Why didn’t you protect him?”

“He protected me. He—he saved me.”

She looked at him with round eyes, shaking her head as if not wanting to believe it.

“Then it should’ve been you! You should’ve died! Not him!” Dean flinched at the words that have been echoing in his head since that night. “It’s not fair!”

Claire’s angry fist collided with his chest. He flinched at every hit but didn’t back away as her punches became sporadic but still filled with grief. Maybe even guilt.

“I’m sorry.” Dean knew those words did nothing to comfort, but he couldn’t help but say them. “I’m so sorry, Claire.”

She screamed in frustration until her punches weakened, and he was holding her. Then, finally, she fell against him, her face hidden in his chest as her grip tightened on his shirt.

She didn’t stay after that.

She walked back up the stairs with Jody and Kaia following behind her. Jack tried to talk to her, but she couldn’t even look at him. Dean couldn’t blame her.

It’s hard to look at the kid when he reminded them of the person they lost.

Of course, Dean never told Cas any of this.

Since coming back, Cas had been dealing with the silent treatment from the killer Barbie. She only replied with the thumbs-up emoji, and when Cas was too much, she responded with the middle finger emoji. A little warning advising Cas to back off.

She only visited him once, but that was when Cas was in the hospital. She freaked out, yelled at him for being stupid, and then passed out by his bed only to leave the next morning like nothing ever happened. Still, it made Cas feel a little better knowing she still cared, but she was dealing with it her way. Or, as Cas liked to say, she was dealing with feelings the Dean Winchester way. Of course, he’ll argue it wasn’t true, but he knows he won’t win that one.

Now he was sitting awkwardly in Jody’s living room watching Kaia and Patience play with Jack on the floor while Claire and Cas had a yelling match in the privacy of the backyard. Well, Claire was yelling while Cas was trying very hard to keep his tone even, which only made Claire angrier.

“I’m done talking to you!” Claire slid the glass door open and stormed through the living room.

“Then try listening to me!” Cas followed behind her, watching as she walked straight past the living room and towards the front door. “Claire. Claire, where are you going?”

She whipped around to glare daggers at Cas, eyes wide filled with tears, but she still looked at him with a pained grimace. “Did you even think of me? When you were out there being a damn hero. Did you-Did you think of me?” Her voice breaking on the last word made Dean flinch.

“Claire, of course-”

“No. No, of course, you didn’t. Cause if you did, then you wouldn’t have-” She bit her cheek as tears started to fall. She stood tall, presenting as strong, as her expression hardened. “You left me, Castiel. And now I-I don’t,” She looked around the room. It was quiet as everyone watched the interaction before her eyes landed on a little Jack in Kaia’s arms. She clicked her tongue before turning back to the door. “I’m leaving.”

“Claire.” Cas tried following her, but Dean quickly rushed up to stop him. “Dean. I may not have my strength, but I will-”

“Calm down, Rocky,” Dean had a hand on Cas’s shoulder to stop him. “I just wanted to stop you from making it worse.”

“I don’t think I can. She hates me.”

“She doesn’t.” He assures his boyfriend with a little smile, but Cas simply rolled his eyes at him. “Okay, you stay here. Talk to your son, and I’ll go talk to the other kid.”

“Oh yeah? What are you going to say to her?”

“I don’t know, but like you said before. Two fuck up’s just understand each other.”

“I didn’t say-”

“Yeah. Yeah. Just let me handle this. You trust me, right?”

Cas made a face at that, not answering quickly enough before he said, “Just bring her home.”

“Gee. Thanks for the confidence, babe.”

Dean ran after Claire, forcing his way to her passenger side as she started to back up on the driveway.

“Thanks for waiting, kid. Where we going?” Dean buckled up just in time for Claire to slam the breaks. Unfortunately, he hit his head on the front dash because the damn seat was scooted forward, his knees were practically pressed against his chest, which made sense knowing a tiny Kaia would usually occupy the seat. “Ow.”

“You aren’t going anywhere. Get out.”

Dean ignored her scary and oddly familiar glare as he pushed the seat back so his legs could fit. “Oh, come on. My treat.”

She didn’t have time to argue because Cas walked out of the front door—his trust in him really was lacking—and Claire decided that dealing with Dean was much easier than having to talk to Cas again. But, of course, he would take that as a compliment.

Claire drove with loud rocker girl music vibrating the windows and didn’t stop until she finally parked outside some ice cream shop.

“I want a shake.” She sniffled, and Dean did his best to ignore her red blotchy eyes for her sake.

“Sure, kid.”

They drank their shakes and shared some fries while sitting on top of Claire’s ugly little red. Well, she sat, and he leaned, but either way, silence remained.

He didn’t want to pressure her to talk—she would probably lie if he did—but still, he wanted to ease the tension between Cas and her, salvage a relationship he knew was important to both of them, but he didn’t know where to start.

Maybe he could start with his own guilt.

“I’m sorry.” He cleared his throat as he felt the smooth ice cream start to turn to gum down his throat. He looked down at his shake, lifting the straw up and down to hear the gloppy sound while trying to figure out what to say to her.

She hummed, “‘bout what?”

“Not telling you. About Cas. What happened to him.” He sighed and looked back at her. “Sorry. I should have called, but I wasn’t—I was a mess. I couldn’t be there for you. I couldn’t even be there for Jack. I should have-”

“It’s okay.” She waved her hand up to stop him. “I-I get it. I mean, it’s not, but whatever.”

“So, are you gonna tell me why you’re mad?”

She rolled her eyes, once again the gesture was familiar, before slamming the shake on the hood and sliding off the car. She crossed her arms over her chest, looking so small as she kicked a pebble on the floor.

“He replaced me.”

Her voice was quiet. Almost like she didn’t want to admit it out loud.

“I know it’s stupid and-and I’m acting like a child, but…” She quickly sniffled again before running her hand through her hair nervously. Looking up to stare into the darkening sky, acting like everything was okay. “He’s not my Dad, but he’s the closest thing I have, and I just thought—I just thought that maybe he felt the same way.”

She shrugged, her lips pinching together as if trying to hold something back, before retaking control of her expression. A glare directed towards Dean replaced the lost child stare into the stars, but the lost child was still there.

“Kid…” Dean sighed, head scrambling for words.

“I’m not a kid.”

“You’ll always be a kid to me.”

Claire teased with a little smirk. She definitely learned this from Dean or Jody. “Whatever you say, old man.”

“Old—Claire.” She let out a breath of a laugh before rolling her eyes away from Dean. “I’m trying to be serious. Cas… he loves you. He-he loves you like you were his own.” She didn’t look at him, but he could see her face scrunch up, ready to argue. “He worries about you constantly, and Jack knows all about you because he won’t shut up about how awesome you are.”

“He says that? He says I’m awesome?”

“Well, awesome is my word, but you get the gist.” He turns to face her even though she doesn’t meet his gaze. “Cas may not be your Dad, but he loves you like a daughter. Sometimes—yeah, a lot of the time actually—he makes stupid decisions, but it’s cause he is trying his best. And he cares. That dumbass cares way too much about the damn world, but he’s also someone who would give up the whole world if it meant keeping you safe.”

“Stop making excuses for him!”

“Claire, you gotta believe me. He didn’t mean to hurt you.”

She finally turned to look at him. “But he did. He hurt me! He left me!”

“He left me too!” Dean raised his voice; it sounded broken to admit such a thing out loud. And to Claire of all people. He slumped down against the car again and looked at the ground to ignore her big blue eyes throwing sympathy glares his way. “He left me—more times than you know. And—and don’t tell anyone I told you this—but I…I was scared. Each goddamn time I’m scared that this may be it! That this time…this time he won’t come back to me.”

“But he did.” Her voice sounded so far away.

“Yeah. Had to work a little bit harder on my end, but I got him.” He reached over and patted her shoulder. “We got him back.”

Something in the way her eyes went cold and far away made his fight drain out. He didn’t know what else he could do or say, but he opened his arms just in time to have her fall against him. His face mushed into her curls while he hugged her tight into his chest.

“Were you mad at Cas?”

Dean thought about it for a second. “No. I mean, I was at first. That asshole got himself killed over and over again. Leaving me alone.”

“But you had Sam. Jack.”

“Yeah,” Dean pulled back and looked down at her. “Well, you had Jody. Kaia. Alex. Patience and even Donna. Made it any easier for you?”

“No.”

“No.” He chuckled while she hid her face from him, asking him to continue. “But I was mad at him. Real fucking pissed, actually. At him. At…at everyone. Sam and Jack didn’t even wanna be near me.” He tries to shake off those dark memories of screaming and feeling nothing but agonizing loneliness. “I just shut down and gave up on…a lot of things because he was gone. Couldn’t really see a point, you know?”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

“I get why you’re mad, Claire. Trust me, I do, but he’s back now.”

“And I’m just supposed to forgive him? Did you just forgive him?”

Dean shrugged, looking back down at her sad baby blues. Hoping she would understand and that she won’t tease him about it later on. “I didn’t want to waste any time being mad at him. I love him too much.”

“Gross.” She pushed him away this time, tucking her hair behind her ear before smiling at him. It reminded him of Jack’s little shy smile. “But I-I think you’re right. Maybe I’m done wasting time.”

They drove back with the music luckily a little lower but Dean just watched Claire drive with a growing smile on his face. He’s gonna have to admit that Cas was right, two messed up people can really relate and help each other out.

When they walked into the house, Dean took Jody from marching over to Claire to lecture her. “Just wait,” he whispered to her, and luckily she listened to him. They both held their breath as Claire walked over to Cas—who looked like he had been sitting in that seat freaking out since they left—and asked if they could try talking outside again. He blinked up at her a few times before nodding, following her to the backyard again.

Everyone let out a sigh of relief when the glass door closed behind them.

“Dean.” He looked up towards his kid, who reached for him from Kaia’s arms on the couch. Dean quickly walked over to pick him up, pressing a kiss to his head while trying not to let guilt eat at him. “Is Dad okay?”

“Don’t worry, bud.” Dean watched Jack’s eyes that showed how much he has experienced, how much he understood. “He’ll be fine.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

On the drive back, Cas had a smile plastered across his face. They hadn’t had a chance to talk about what happened, considering Cas walked in, ready to introduce Jack to Claire. Then Cas spent the rest of the night watching his kids getting along, looking the happiest Dean had seen him in a really long time.

“So, what did you and Claire talk about?”

Cas hummed before looking up at Dean as if just remembering that he was there. “Oh. Um, she just made me promise her something.”

“And what’s that?”

“Same thing I promised you. Don’t get dead anymore.”

“Oh. Good. Keep that promise.”

“I’ll do my best.” Cas looked back at Jack before he leaned over and pressed a kiss on Dean’s cheek. “I have a lot to live for now. A family.”

A family. Yeah.

Dean took a peek at Jack with the mirror and then watched as Cas changed his phone background pic to one of Claire spinning Jack around in the living room.

They were a real family.

#shhhh we are gonna pretend it hasn't been months since i updated lol #4 months geez okay well have this #wormstachewrites #dadstiel #destiel #claire #baby!jack #dean #cas #jack #destiel fanfic

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midday0nightmares · 3 years

Photo

24 - through the night.

previous chapter number 4.

m.list.

warnings: this series contains themes of yandere\mafia, blood, violence, mental health, drugs, non-con.

author note: this is pure fiction and it is not intended to romanticize any of the situations mentioned bellow.

8:11 pm

You pushed the fluffy covers off and hoped off of the high bed, dragging your feet to the bathroom to wake yourself up. The untouched food was waiting for you, the thoughtful warms your heart. You flipped through the channels looking for something to interest you, settling for a cheap action movie to watch while you ate the cold meal.

9:42 pm

It’s getting late, guess no fun for you in this trip..

10:53 pm

Are they seriously staying late and leaving you alone? That’s when you notice that jeno’s bag is gone.. it can’t be, did he leave?

11:28 pm

You look outside the window, everything I closed, the road is empty.. are they staying out all night? You huff.

12:17 am

Maybe you stop waiting and just sleep they are grown ass men, but what If something’s wrong.. you can’t help but to worry.

01:06 am

You stir awake to the sound of the door peeps announcing someone’s arrival. you sit up on the bed in anticipation, you swallow a knot of anxiety as the door slowly opens, you let go a breathe of relief when you see jaemin’s face, finally.

“Where have you been?” It comes out louder than you intended it to be, your feet taking you closer to him as he walks in, he doesn’t answer you but still gives you a weak smile, his hands stops you before you can wrap yourself around him. he pushes you back deeper into the room. confused, you can see the words hanging off of his lips as he wants to say something, you impatiently wait for him to speak.

Jeno comes behind him, struggling with his suitcase, he drags it to the bathroom.The strange behavior takes your attention away from jaemin, the wheels in your head turns trying to figure what was he doing. Slowly you begin to build a terrifying idea, horror washes over you turning you pale. he drops the suitcase on the floor, its heavy weight makes the ground under your feet shake.. the fine hairs on the back of you neck raises.

your heart was throbbing in your ears, loud and irregular,

“sera” jaemin calls your name,

but you barely hear it, as your mind was clouded with fear, he gently shakes you “listen to me” he tries to calm you, but it’s too late, panic has already setted in.

he tries to pushes you down to sit you on the floor, now that you are standing in the farthest point of the bathroom door, between the bed and the window, but you are frozen in your place, your eyes are transfixed on the suitcase, you can’t stop watching as jeno closes the door.

Plastic, thats all you can hear.. something plastic begin unfolded. A feeling of dread crept up from the pit of your stomach, it’s too much for you to withstand, your knees buckle from beneath you collapsing you to the floor.

Tremors take over you, you look at at jaemin through a blurred vision, wanting him to deny what you think is happing, but he doesn’t.

The sharp sound of the suitcase being unzipped echos in the bathroom, he tries to calm you down as your teeth chattered in fear, his hands cup your face “shhh.. here” he take his AirPods case and puts the earbuds in your ears, they connect to his phone “here, listen to music okay? Don’t take them off and don’t move okay?”.

You open your mouth to speak but you choke, irregular shakes take over your hands, you don’t realize you were crying until his thumbs wiped the tears from under your eyes, “stay here” he repeats holding your face to make you look at him “don’t come close to that door” he only lets go after you’ve nod, he plays a song from his playlist and turn the volume to the highest setting, discounting you from the noise surrounding you. he puts the phone in your hands before he gets up and leave to join jeno.

Time dragged through you at an aginzing pace, each minute passed brought you closer to madness, the horror has became a living creature, it crept over your skin like a hungry beast. You sat in the same exact spot for hours, not daring to move. shaking and on the brink of losing your sanity. It didn’t take you long before you started praying to god to make it stop, but as always, his ears were deff to your prayers.

Hours passed with the same song replaying itself for the thousandth times, the explosive horror that toke over you before has melted into a cold lump of disfigured sadness mixed with sickness, it sat on your heart. The black sky turning blue outside, You were exhausted and worn out.

Jaemin comes into your view, scaring you for a second. You gasp and jump in your place, he shows his open palms to you in non-threatening manner, your eyes scan him for anything, you note that he’s not wearing the same clothes he was the last time you saw him. he crouches down in front of you, the strong stench of bleach coming from him, your stomach twist and you hold down the need to throw up. you scoot away from him in fear, he singles for you to take out the earbuds. He looks at you for a minute, your hand clawed in fists, your eyebrows noted in distress as hot tears fill in your eyes again. he sighs and looks away, that’s when you notice the dark red spot under his ear. the sharp intake of air you made, the way your eyes were struck, staring at his neck, and your tense body, they all screamed to him that he missed a spot. He quickly wipes the spot your eyes were looking at, cursing under his breath when his fingers return red, he gets up and walk away..

The cheerful birds chirping outside contrasted the grim atmosphere in the room, your stiff joints crack as you stand up, you carefully look around the room, scared your eyes may land on something you don’t want to see. But it’s just you and him, the room looks the same, the bathroom door is wide open with jaemin in it washing his hands, it looks like nothing had happened.. clean.

he comes out drying his hands and starts packing his belongs, he avoids your eyes.

“what the hell jaemin?!” You yell at him, encouraged by jeno’s absence, a heavy sigh leaves him while he keeps his back to you.

“is this what you’ve become now?” Your voice crack as you choke, for some reason you feel betrayed by him. You sit on the edge of the bed, hot tears flow down your face, it’s not until a pained sob breaks free from you that he turns to you.

“he was a very bad man, look at me..” He stretches his hand to you,

but you doge his touch “don’t you fucking touch me!” you get away from him “your a criminal and a killer!” Your voice rising as well as your emotions. He takes one step towards you, he towers over you, “keep your voice down” his tone threatening enough to shut you down, but the angry hot breathes that fanned over your face, the jaw muscles that seethed under his skin, and the icy look in his eyes have crushed your newly regained courage.

You try to clam your cries as you watch his hands picking the items from around the room and throwing then into his bag, not believing what they have done, what they are capable of. shiver ran down your spine at the thought, you bite your bottom lip and look away, you look outside the window trying to distract yourself.

The room’s door opens and jeno walks in, he exchange looks with jaemin and nods his head confirming something to him, something you wish didn’t understand, but unfortunately you do. Unlike jaemin he looks unbothered, normal, absolutely no guilt. you look at him with and you just hate him, you despise him. you force yourself to look away from him.

He points at you, “Why the hell is she crying now?” He asks jaemin, destine evident in his voice. you panic and do your best to tame your cries and wipe your tears, you were scared of him, of his anger, of what he could do to you.

Jaemin throws you a glance as you try to recompose yourself, but the four cold eyes that were starring at you in this particular situation are making it extremely difficult for you not cry. Jaemin shrugs his shoulders and returns to packing. strong wave of hurt hit you when he turned his back to you, it felt like he had given up on you, leaving you for jeno to take care of.

Jeno on the other hand had his hands on his hips, anger storm rising in his chest, he walks towards you and collapses on yourself in fear, pathetic pleads for forgiveness falling out of your mouth as you cry harder, he grabs your arm and pick you up, his grip threatening to snap your bone into two pieces, you cry in pain but it doesn’t faze him. “Stop crying! You want to gets us caught huh?” He violently shakes you “huh?” He demands an answer, you shake your head denying his accusations “no” your crying getting louder..

“I don’t have time for you and your childish tantrums! cut it out” he shoves you to the wall and turns, he picks the car keys with him and slams the door behind him.

You lean against the wall, tears streaming down your cheeks. You were unable to left your head feeling overpowered and too broken, your hands shaking as you gasp for air between the hiccups, yet again pitying yourself.

Jeamin who was quietly watching, sighs. his feet comes into your view, this time you don’t flinch away when his hand land on your hair and his fingers run through it. he holds your your chin and make you look up at him, his eyes watching the misery floating over your tired features. he tsk and wipes your tears away. you lean into his warm palm, your own hand holds his wrist to keep his in place, you squeeze his arm as a silent plea. he takes you in his chest, his arms wrapping around you, his tight hold reassures you. he keeps you close until you pulled away ready to leave before jeno comes back angrier than before.

You slip into your shoes and put on your jacket, you want to zip it up to keep the clod out but you can’t, you can’t still your freezing fingers enough to do it, his hands take the zipper from your fingers and he zips it up for you, your face heating up as he looks down at you and ruffles your hair. Again, he sighs and takes out his sunglasses and puts them on your face to cover your puffy eyes, you cried too much tonight.

#nct yandere #nct dream #nct mafia #nct imagines #nct jeno #nct jaemin #nct reactions #lee jeno #na jaemin #nct blurbs

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anotherhawk · 3 years

Text

Drop - angsty The Mechanisms fic featuring Jonny D'Ville and The Aurora

CW for offscreen violence, murder and unsafe kink

There is a door in front of him. Metal. Ancient. Familiar. He blinks at it, not sure how he got here, not sure what he was looking for. Everything is...fuzzy.

His fingers press down on his flank, but the bruises are long gone. The not-pain is distressing.

The door. He should get inside. It will be warm inside, and maybe one of his crew is home. He would like that.

He holds a hand up to the palm reader but nothing happens. He tries the other one. And then the other one. Nothing, and for a moment he remembers being so very young and so very mortal and standing outside of Billy Vangelis' door, realising the locks had been changed.

No. His hands are lined with blood and gravedirt, too much for the machine to read. Nothing to do with being unwanted, just to do with needing a shower. And didn't all truly great dates end with being locked out, fucked up, filthy and newly resurrected?

He hopes one of the others is home.

He is First Mate. There are plenty of ways for him to gain authorised access, but he is so very tired, and it's not like patience - or thinking - have ever been his strong suit, and so he draws the gun he is somehow carrying and shoots the control panel a few times.

The door opens quicker than expected and he stares at it blankly for a few moments before stumbling into the airlock.

It had been a great date. He doesn't know why he feels like this, except that all he's left with is phantom pain; the rope burns on his wrists and ankles, gone; the lash marks, vanished; the thousand cuts, erased. It's like none of it was real, and if that wasn't real, then maybe nothing else is either? Is he even real?

Maybe Ivy will be home. When she murders him as part of a scene she always makes sure to give him new marks when he revives.

Or maybe Brian will be there and can hold him tight so he can't get away, no matter how he struggles.

Or Ashes, their hand twisted in his hair, pulling it tight, enough to hurt...enough to be safe.

He is alone.

And then, he is not. There is a screen in front of him, hanging down from the ceiling by trailing wires and cobweb. The writing on it is blurred and he reaches out and wipes at the screen with his sleeve. The text obligingly grows larger. Perhaps it is his mind that's blurred.

Jonny, are you alright? You've been standing in the airlock for ten minutes. And you're shaking.

Oh. Oh. He swallows hard and it's like razor blades going down. "Yeah. Yeah, 'm fine, Aurora. It's good to see your voice again." There's something wrong with his own voice. It's distant. Shaky. And that's no good; he's nothing without his voice. But that doesn't matter now because Aurora is talking to him again, for the first time since...well. It's been a long time.

"Sorry," he croaks, and it's not the first time he's said it, but maybe this time she can hear him. "I'm sorry. I should have stopped her. Sorry." He reaches out clumsily and pats the wall.

The screen goes black.

He's fucked it up again. He should have kept his mouth shut. Should have known better.

Writing flickers onto the screen. That was a long time ago.

"No." He shakes his head furiously. "No, it wasn't. Not for us."

No. Not for us.

He walks away. He can't bear to stand still another second. It's so cold, and his mind is blank as he wanders.

The corridors are empty.

He's the only one on board.

Why had he bothered coming back here? He should have gone out, found a pub, got drunk and killed some folk. Or maybe he should have just stayed in his grave, where he'd been put. It hadn't been a very nice grave mind you. Deep, sure, but it was just on a piece of wasteland. When he'd dug his way out he'd seen a sign that said 'No Dumping'. The last time he'd been buried by a serial killer it had been on a cliffside overlooking a waterfall. That had been good. He'd felt cared for then, like buried treasure, not just inconvenient trash.

An alarm blares.

He's lying facedown on the rec room floor, and he wonders whether Aurora has shut off the life support - that would explain why it was so cold.

When he raises his head, full of numb curiosity, there is a screen inches from his face. "What's going on?"

You weren't listening, so I turned off the artificial gravity.

"Oh. I'm not falling."

We're still within Whitechapel Station's gravity well. I just needed the alarm.

Jonny, you seem to be dropping very hard.

I would like to take care of you.

Do I have your consent y/n

Oh. Yeah, that makes sense now he came to think of it, and at once he feels ashamed, and he doesn't know if it's for needing or for not immediately recognising it. He considers just going to bed and staying there for the duration, but the screen is flashing in front of him, and he wavers. He owes her. He doesn't want to be alone.

"Yeah. Yeah, alright. I consent, or whatever."

Well done.

A flash of pleasurepride burns through him.

Stand up. Take my screen and follow where the lights lead you.

He picks up her screen and his arm and follows the trail of blinking overhead lights deeper into the crew quarters. They stop outside Raphaella's rooms. The door hangs invitingly open.

Still, he hesitates. "Thought we were going to my room."

Your room is classed as a level 8 hazard on this station.

He flinches.

The walls hum.

Go inside, Jonny. Raphaella will be pleased we are taking care of you.

He obeys. It's warm in Raphaella's room, and the lights lead him into her bathroom. She has the largest tub, both to accommodate her wings and her partners, and right now it is full almost to the brim with steaming hot water. It smells like orange blossom on an evening's breeze. It smells like Raphaella.

The razor blades are in his throat again.

Strip.

He obeys, again, and stands naked, shivering despite the warmth of the room.

Very good, Jonny. You're doing very well. Now. Get in the bath and get clean and warm.

He does as she tells him. The walls hum approvingly. The bath is warm, and the scent clings to him in a way that makes him feel like he belongs.

He drifts.

Everything still feels fuzzy, but it's a better sort of fuzzy. Nihilistic depression is shifting closer to nihilistic rage and that is a far more comfortable and familiar place to be. For the moment though, he is hovering somewhere around numb contentment. This too is probably nihilistic, but he is too exhausted to care right now.

Since none of the others have tried to shoot down my door, I assume that your recent activities were not with another member of the crew?

"Mmm? No. A man I met in a dark alley. He's been ripping a bloody swathe through the station. I've been following his work for a while, but this was our first date." He smiles a little. "He really knew what he was doing. Took me apart completely."

If he knew what he was doing he would not have left you alone.

He shrugs, and winces, despite knowing that the ache he feels in his bones is nothing more than phantom pain. "Be reasonable 'Rora. Outside of us, who gives aftercare to a corpse?"

You deserve more.

Wait. He huffs incredulously. "Are you actually offended on my behalf right now?" There is a pause and he falters, suddenly afraid he has misstepped. Perhaps she is only annoyed because he'd come home out of it, and now she feels obligated to clean up his mess. "You don't need to stay, you know. Or keep talking to me. I know you don't much like words since...since Nastya went Out." He might have said 'I know you don't much like me since Nastya went Out.' But he doesn't. He bites his tongue and tastes blood, and spirals.

JONNY

The text on the screen is massive.

Take a breath.

In and out. That's it.

Good. Now another one.

And another.

You're doing fine.

After a while breathing becomes easier again.

I am sorry. My systems automatically monitor heart rate in order to detect distress.

And his heart rate never changed. "I don't get distressed."

Of course. I am with you because I want to be, Jonny. I have been sad for a very long time. That does not mean I stopped caring for you.

"I'm sorry she left," he says again. "I'm sorry I didn't stop her."

Ripples run across the surface of the water as the room shudders. You couldn't force her to stay. We were not enough for her anymore. She left us both.

"I just...it doesn't make sense. None of us are the same as we were when we started." He feels around under the bubbles, finds his disembodied arm and gestures with it towards the screen. "Am I less me because my arm isn't the same as it was yesterday?" The words are clumsy. He knows what he wants to say, but his brain isn't cooperating, and he throws his arm at the wall in a fit of frustration.

She left when every part of me had been upgraded. It seems she only loved me for my body.

"That's not true," he says instantly, a hot burst of pain and anger rushing through him. "I saw the way she smiled when she spoke about you. She loved you. All of you."

She just didn't think I was me anymore. She knows me better than anyone else. Maybe she was right. But if I'm not me, I don't know who I am.

Despite the warmth around him, he shivers. "You still seem like you to me. And if you still feel the same, and you're still doing what you want to do, is there really a difference?" He shouldn't have said that; Nastya had obviously seen a difference, but he still couldn't understand. "Maybe she's the one who changed too much. I mean, she's the one who left. We're the ones left behind."

He sinks down under the water and closes his eyes. He misses Nastya. He has missed Nastya for so long.

He wonders where she is, if she has drifted out of the black and back to life. He wonders if she ever thinks of him.

Thinking about Nastya hurts, as always. That awful, emotional hurt that leaves deep scars and gives him nothing in return. He's always

done his best to run from that feeling, burying it beneath whisky or violence or stories. A hand around his throat, a knife in his spine, a blowtorch across his face- all of that can bring a spring to his step and a twinkle to his eye, and it's so much better than emotions. Fuck emotions.

His lungs are burning.

The alarm blares.

His head breaks the surface before he has a chance to think. The words on the screen loom in front of him.

PLEASE DO NOT DIE RIGHT NOW.

And so fast that he almost doesn't see it

I don't think I could cope.

He takes a long and shaky breath. "Yeah. Okay."

Thank you, Jonny.

Now wash your hair, please, it's a state.

The laughter huffs through his teeth. But he obeys, his movements growing less mechanical with time.

Even aboard the Aurora the laws of physics still apply to some extent, and eventually the water cools, and reluctantly he climbs out.

There is a pile of clothes lying waiting for him in the doorway. Tim's clothes, by the looks of things. He glances at the screen. "How did you do that?"

Tim has been training the octokittens to do small errands.

"About time the bastards started earning their keep."

Do you mean the kittens? Or Tim?

His laugh startles him.

(^̮^)

Get dressed Jonny. Then come with me through to the kitchen. I have a few more things I need you to do before you can rest.

Rest sounds good right now. His body is heavy and his mind slow. He dresses carefully, puzzling over the clothes. They look like Tim's, but there is a woolly jumper that's surely far too large.

You originally knitted it for Brian, but it has been stolen by every member of the crew since then. I have noted that whoever currently holds it tends to wear it when they are feeling sad, and it brings them comfort.

Oh. He doesn't remember, but it sounds possible. On those occasions when he grows bored of being a destructive force he normally takes up sewing, but he has knitted in the past. Vaguely, he remembers times sitting in Doc's lab, knitting while she worked on his open chest, and much later, sitting drinking tea with the Toy Soldier, with it holding his yarn.

The jumper is soft and warm. If it is his work he has done a good job.

He follows the lights back through to the kitchen, concentrating on putting one foot after the other and finally collapses at the counter, dropping his head on his arms. He shifts around until his forehead is pressed against his cold hand. The screen rumbles at his elbow.

Why do you have your old arm, Jonny?

"Mmmm?" He blinks and focuses, briefly, on the greying flesh below him. "Got cut off post mortem, in order to fit me in the car boot. Or at least he thought I was dead? I guess I wasn't, cos I kind of remember. I grabbed it after I revived, hoping it would reattach, but I'd already started to regenerate. Don't know why I dragged it back here. Maybe I should just stick it in the fridge, what do you think?"

The freezer would be better. Then Marius would be the one most likely to first encounter it. Don't forget to stick the middle finger up.

"As if I would." He smiles and tries to keep his eyes open.

We are going to make you a hot drink and something to eat. The Toy Soldier left some of its tea blends in the cupboard above the kettle. The blue tin contains a lemon and ginger infusion that has a seventy four percent success rate at making you smile.

He scowls but his heart isn't in it. "Yeah. Doc used to make one that tasted a bit like that for me, sometimes. If I'd been screaming."

The kettle clicks on. A good memory?

He considers. Is it? Everything from those days is tied up in feelings and hurt, even worse than with Nastya, but he remembers the way she would sit with him while he drank the tea, remembers the look in her eyes…"Memories aren't good or bad," he decides at last. "They're just shit that happened. Some of them are stories worth telling. Some of them aren't."

The kettle finishes boiling and he makes his tea, squeezing about half a bottle of honey into the mug.

Perhaps we should consider abducting a dentist.

A shudder runs through him at the disapproval he reads in her tone. He can't take the honey back out. "No need, these are all new teeth. I bit him while we were playing and he went to town with a pair of pliers. So all good here."

I'm sorry, Jonny, I did not mean to upset you.

"Not upset." He isn't. He isn't. The pliers had been rusty and one of them had been laughing and one of them had been screaming and he can't remember which was which. He doesn't need a dentist because none of his parts are the same as they were when he started, and odds are none of them are the same as they will be next year, except for his fucking heart, and maybe Nastya should have taken that with her when she left.

Maybe she hadn't cared to.

She hadn't tried to say goodbye. Not to him. Not to anyone. If he hadn't happened to catch her she would have slipped out the airlock and they'd never know why.

When Nastya went out, she'd been facing the void. She hadn't looked back. Not for him. Not for Aurora.

When Doctor Carmilla went out the airlock she'd been facing inwards, and her hand had been pressed up to the window, fingers outstretched towards his, the airlock the only thing that stood between them.

"Jonny. Jonny, look at - me. You - need to - breathe." It's Ivy's voice, but it's not Ivy talking. The sentences are disjointed patched together. "You - need to - tell me - five - things you can - see."

The airlock fades from his vision. Aurora's screen is in front of his face, but he can't focus enough to read her words. "Uh...my arm, the stove, Brian's stupid apron, tea leaves...um...Marius' mug."

"Good - Jonny. Tell me - four - things you can - feel."

"Marius' mug," he says again. It's the one he's holding, Marius' favourite, the one Raphaella bought him, with 'Trust me, I'm (not) a doctor' written on it. It's warm in his hands, there's still steam rising off the tea. "The floor. Tim's jumper."

"Good," Ivy's voice says again, and it's the way she says it at rehearsal, when something really works, or when someone brings her some new book she hasn't read before. "Good - Jonny. Three - things you can - smell."

"Raphaella," he says, because the scent still clings to him after his bath. "Lemon and ginger. The Toy Soldier's tea."

"Two- things you can- hear."

There are only two things he can hear. He sits on the floor, slumped against the counter, the mug still held like something precious cradled against his chest. "Ivy's voice. My heart." He breathes. In. And out. And in. And out. "I'm okay. I'm with you."

Good.

And now there is only his heart.

A long moment passes. The exhaustion is bone deep. "Why Ivy?"

You were not seeing my words and you did not respond to the alarms. Yourself and Ivy are the only two of my crew who make extensive vocal recordings. I thought that you would respond better to her voice than your own.

"Yeah." He gives a little huff of exhaustion. "Good call. My voice is the last thing anyone wants to hear when they're upset."

That is not true. When Nastya left I played Swan Song in engineering constantly.

He laughs, caught off guard. "A little on the nose, don't you think?"

You wrote it for us. They loved till the end. It helped.

Blindly, he reaches out and pats the edge of her screen. "A captain and their ship go down together."

We will have to; I no longer possess any escape pods, working fine or otherwise. Ashes replaced them with extra storage space.

He groans. Shakes his head. "What the fuck are they even storing?"

Many things. For example, in the cupboard immediately behind you they are storing chocolate covered honeycomb. Eat some.

"You want me to eat Ashes' chocolate?" He laughs again. "Thought you wanted me to stay alive?"

For both our sakes I contacted them to ask if I could take it. They were very surprised to hear from me, but they immediately agreed. Do not worry, I did not tell them why, or who was on board. Drink your tea and eat your chocolate, Jonny. It will make you feel better.

He obeys, taking a swig of tea and a bite of chocolate. The sweetness warms him up from the inside out and he feels more settled, more at home, and when Aurora directs him to stand and move to the sofa and pull Brian's favourite heavy blanket around himself, he does that too.

He is warm. His mind is still.

"Thanks, Aurora."

I'm afraid I didn't do a very good job of taking care of you.

He wriggles deeper into the blanket, surrounded by reminders of his crew. "I feel pretty fucking taken care of."

The screen flickers for a long moment, moving between shades of black. I'm sorry for reminding you.

"Of Nastya?" He shrugs. "It's not like either of us ever forgets. She always hated when I'd go put and do something like this."

Yes. She understood why you wanted to do violence, but not why you wanted it done to you. She cried the first time Carmilla scraped you out of a shallow grave and carried you home.

He hadn't known that. He'd never want to make Nastya cry. There is a bitter feeling in the pit of his stomach. Oh. Shame. Now there's an unfamiliar feeling. "You don't approve either."

I… The screen goes black for a long moment and then the words come slowly. I do not disapprove. You live inside me, Jonny. I have witnessed all members of my crew partake in all sorts of activities, and I am aware of your proclivities and what makes you happy. But yes, I would prefer that you indulge yourself with people who want to make you happy...or at least avoid serial killers.

He doubts she will appreciate it, but he manages a tired smile anyway. "No one else scratches the itch quite right. Besides, you're missing the best part." The smile sharpens into a grin. "The best part is when I turn up for the second date. I've got a breakfast appointment with my erstwhile murderer tomorrow morning, and I'm expecting the look on his face to be fantastic."

The room seems to shake around him for a second. I admit I would like to see that.

"Yeah." Laughter shakes through him. "Tends to be pretty special. And, like I said, he did a beautiful job taking me apart. It would be rude for me not to return the favour, wouldn't it?"

Feel free to bring him home if you need space to work.

He gasps and places his hands on his chest in mock shock. "You want me to bring him home on the second date? How forward do you think I am!?"

I am always happy to meet those who hurt my crew. Once, anyway.

Ugh. He grimaces at her screen. "Don't go getting sentimental on me. You know that nothing can hurt me in any way that matters. Today was an aberration. I die a lot. Its not like I need aftercare everytime."

Yes, but you did this time. I listened to what you said, but maybe you could consider letting me or one of the crew know when you want to 'scratch the itch so someone can be there if you need it.

He pulls the blanket a little tighter around himself, making sure his arms and legs are properly wrapped up. Cocooned. Breathes in lemon and ginger and orange blossom. "I never need it," he says, and the lie tastes like chocolate honeycomb and stings his eyes like saltwater. "I don't need anyone to take care of me."

The screen goes black again and when the words appear they are slow and small.

Sometimes I do. Sometimes I am sad and I am lonely. It isn't until I'm talking to you like this that I realise how much I miss you. All of you. I am happy to be here for you, Jonny.

His vision is blurry again. He shakes his head again to clear it. "I didn't write Swan Song for you. The songs are just the stories we find. There's nothing of me in there."

She doesn't call him a liar. But the crackle of a recording sounds again. His voice this time. Singing. No music beneath it. "Marius, you're my stars, Soldier you're my night."

He bites his tongue until blood covers up the taste of chocolate. "I don't recall asking you to record that."

I have always enjoyed listening to you.

No apology. He isn't surprised. "You know if anyone else ever hears that, I'm going to find

the largest pair of truck nuts in this or any other universe and I'm going to weld them beneath your lower engine."

Fair. I have never and will never. A voyeur I may be, but a tattle tale I am not.

"Good." He sinks back beneath the blanket. "I'm sorry we leave you alone so often. I know it was different when she was here."

Yes. And I don't expect you to stay. Even Nastya didn't stay on board all the time, though she generally took something of me with her so I could experience whatever world you were exploring. These days I wire myself into whatever news and communication systems I can find. I tend to be able to track you all fairly well by reading up on the police blotter.

"Heh. Glad we manage to be entertaining at least. How about maintenance and stuff? It's never going to be the same, but I don't mind picking up a socket wrench, if you'll tell me what to do with it."

I could tell you exactly what to do with it. (^̮^)

He blinks. Shudders. "Ew," he says with feeling.

I fear our tastes are incompatible.

He nods. His eyes are heavy. "I might sleep," he confesses.

That would be good. I will be here, keeping watch. And I will wake you if anyone should come on board.

He nods again, slipping sideways. "Thanks 'Rora."

Jonny?

It is hesitant, and he is on the very edge of consciousness.

"Mmm?"

Will you sing for me? Before you sleep?

Instead of answering he simply closes his eyes and opens his mouth.

"Rose, rose, rose Red

Will I ever see thee wed?

I will marry at thy will sir

At thy will."

And softly - ever so softly - the recording crackles and for the first time in mortal memory the sound of Nastya's violin rises up and joins Jonny's voice.

"Ding dong, ding dong

Wedding bells on an April morn'

Carve your name on a moss covered stone

On a moss covered stone."

#the mechanisms #the mechanisms fanfiction #jonny d'ville #the aurora #tw - violence #my writing

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tender-rosiey · 3 years

Note

Hi, requests are still open right? If they are could you do Dazai, chuuya, (and if you do females) Yosano, and Kouyou headcanons where their SO is on their period or sick? I’m dying of cramps and I thought it might make me feel better mentally at least. If not that’s totally okay!

❥ Bsd characters with a s/o on her period

~Includes Dazai, Chuuya, Yosano and Kouyou

A/N: my period was done just yesterday and it literally had me crying when it came this month ._. I hope this helps you love 🥺💘— Also my little brother literally searched in front of me about the meaning of period and I was suffering trying to stop him 🤡

Dazai Osamu:

Is and will be a little bitch and tease you about it

“Belladonna how can you bleed from your vagina like that?”

“Just like how I can make you unable to reproduce children anymore.”

When he read more about it he felt so sympathetic towards you and feels bad about how he teased you at first

“I am sorry for being an asshole and I promise I will get you and give you anything you want, my love; so forgive me? 🥺”

Who can say no to this man?

Definitely not me

“WHY DOES MY BELLADONNA HAVE TO GO THROUGH SUCH SUFFERING?”

Cuddles are very common in your relationship and he adores them

So when you ask him to cuddle you because your cramps are being a bitch, how could he say no?

Gets you all your cravings in a s e c o n d

Will literally wake up at 3am and go to the store to get you anything

Always reminds you that he loves you and pampers you so you don’t get it in a foul mood

If god forbids he made you angry then he will try

Keyword: try

And calm you down

If shit goes down hill then he will hide behind anything to protect himself from you until you are at peace

He doesn’t like seeing you cry

Hell he doesn’t like pain or suffering if it’s directed to him

So if it’s directed to you, you bet your sweet booty he will go infinity and beyond to make the pain go odasaku

OMG I AM SO SORRY PLS I LOVE ODASAKU I SWEAR

So when Little Miss P comes in and goes “Hoe let’s cry for some hours!”

He will be by your side and doing anything to sooth the pain

“It’s okay, Love”

“It won’t last long”

“I am here for you”

“I love you so much”

“You are so strong and amazing for being able to handle this, belladonna”

Chuuya Nakahara:

“What’s a period?”

You sent him to Kouyou so she can explain the struggle you go through every month

Took him a while to comprehend though

When he did he ran towards you and screamed “HOW DARE YOUR BODY MAKE YOU SUFFER LIKE THAT EVERY MONTH; YOU ARE A FUCKING GODDESS, YOU DONT DESERVE TO BE HURT LIKE THAT-“

When he calmed down he had promised to make your period days the BEST by pampering you and loving you to the point

You WANT your period to come

Not saying that he doesn’t already make you feel loved

“God I want ice cream”

0.00000001 seconds later Chuuya is in front of you with three boxes of ice cream

Cuddles

And cuddles

And CUDDLES

If he slightly raised his voice at you when you are on your period

He will keep apologizing and make it up to you in any way possible

“Y/N, baby please you know I didn’t mean to yell at you, right?”

Kisses your tummy

Heating pads are always with him in case

You know that TikTok of the girl waking up her boyfriend at 12am for ice cream?

Yeah he is like that

“Babe I love everything about you and I love you but please let me sleep. The Port Mafia is already stripping away my sleep.”

“But I want cookies ༼ ◕n◕ ༽”

“Fucking cute ass cutie making me feel so giddy how dare you-“

If you are crying then he will be by your side all the time rubbing soothing circles on your back

“It will al be okay, dove”

“I am here for you,

He loves you

So much

Will give you the world if you want

Yosano Akiko:

Our queen here knows your pain

And as a wonderful doctor she already has the pain killers ready

“YOSANOOOO MY PERIOD IS HERE AND THE CRAMPS ARE-“ “I have the pain killers, let’s cuddle :)”

She is so sweet

Your cravings are always beside before you even think of asking

If you cry then she will try and make you laugh and make you forget about the pain

If laughing isn’t working then she will hug you and keep kissing you all over your face

She knows that making you angry would be a death wish

She is very careful with what she does around you

And if you both get your period at the same time

It’s literally a mood

Like you are both tangled in a hug on the bed like sacks of potatoes

Strongly refusing to get up and you always scare the shit out of anyone who does try that

Poor Atsushi tried it

“Yosano-san, Tanizaki is injured and-“ “CANT YOU SEE I AM SUFFERING AND CUDDLING MY PRECIOUS GIRLFRIEND?”

He never got near you guys whenever you were on your period ever since

If you are sensitive to being touched while on your period (like me but it’s only sometimes 😔

Then she will not do anything that will make you be in pain or uncomfortable

Heating pads are always ready for you, your majesty

You guys watch YouTube together and cover each other with the blankets like burritos

And take all Ranpo’s snack supply

She is gentle towards you but also hyper

“Hey cutie! How’s my strong girl doing?

“Don’t worry, I am not leaving you; I am just gonna get you some food.”

“Y/NNNNN DONT LEAVE ME; I KNOW I CAN BE SCARY BUT PLEASE STAY”

That being said, if she is on her period then she will whine if you ever

EVER leave her side

She just wants your affection

If she gets it then she is a happy bby

Ozaki Kouyou:

“KOUYOU MY PERIOD IS-“

“I have everything ready, my dear”

A damn goddess and is super duper caring like

Ma’am why aren’t you real?

LIKE LOOK AT HOW SHE IS TO KIYOKA DESPITE BEING WITH THE ENEMY

WHAT TF DO YOU THINK SHE WILL BE WITH THE LOVE OF HER LIFE?

Knows your period better than you

Will literally spoil you with anything and everything

Pads? Check. Food? Check. Comfort? Check.

If you are crying then she will be there with the tissues and kisses

“Let it out dear, it’s not good to bottle things up.”

Trust her, I have bottled shit up and ended up breaking down at the worst moments 💔

“I am always here”

If miss pain is camping in you for the night

Then she will be there to shoo her away

“What is that you desire so I can bring it to you?”

Another person who will wake up at anytime and get you anything 🥰

Bby looks so calm when she is on her period in front of people

But behind closed doors

She is a respectful whiny baby

“Dear, can I get a hug? 🥺”

And lord when she gets needy

She is literally super adorable

“Kouyou what’s wrong?”

*mumble mumble*

“Kouyou luv, I cant hear you”

“I want a kith” she said it while hiding her face with the sleeve of her kimono

PLS I CAN IMAGINE HER BEING LIKE THAT

I headcanon that she gives the best hugs

Fight me about it if you dare >:(

do not copy or plagiarize or you will be reported

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anxiousnerdwritings · 3 years

Text

Highs and Lows

Tw: mentions of deaths, drug usage/drug abuse, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt, and yandere themes

It had been a while since you felt that sense of belonging, that familial security. After what had happened to your family the Zarick’s had been kind enough to open themselves and their home up to you. They made you feel like family and not some charity case. They were all so loving and inviting, you couldn’t believe just how lucky you’d gotten.

That was until tragedy struck once again. Joey had died in a freak accident on the way home from school.

You weren’t the same after what happened to Joey and no one should have expected you to be, especially since you had witnessed the accident first hand. You were traumatized and scarred. All you saw when you closed your eyes was the same horrific scene repeating and it wouldn’t stop.

When you thought things couldn’t get worse Wiliam died shortly after finding out about Joey. You could still remember his reaction, how he ran out of the house with some kind of intention in mind, leaving you and Denise in pieces. You never would be able to know what he had planned when he abruptly left that night.

If only you knew it would be the last time you saw him, maybe you could have tried harder to stop him.

After that Blue Valley didn’t seem like home anymore. Denise just wanted to get away from anything and everything that reminded her of what she and you both lost. You were more than willing to leave when she brought up moving. You wanted to get away just as much as her. Everywhere you looked you were haunted by the memories of two loving people who were taken away far too early. It was just you and Denise now and you both wanted nothing more than to leave your ghosts behind.

Everything was set and ready to go. Denise even seemed more rushed than before to leave Blue Valley behind. The two of you were in the car and everything seemed normal. The radio was playing but it was only to fill the silence. Neither of you knew what to say, a part of you felt guilty for leaving yours and the Zarick’s home. It felt like you were abandoning Joey and William but that warmth from before just wasn’t there anymore.

Everything seemed so cold and dark, like all the light had been sucked out. This place was only a reminder of sadness and hurt. Even the good times couldn’t outweigh the burden in your hearts.

It was quiet for a while longer before Denise spoke up, “This is for the best, (Y/n). There was nothing left in Blue Valley. Not anymore. It’s just us now.” She was trying to keep her voice from breaking and you were trying to keep your tears at bay, but you knew she was right.

You were all she had now and she was all you had.

And that was the last thing on your mind before a crashing noise hit your ears. Both you and Denise were sent rolling.

When you open your eyes again, you were waking up in the hospital back in Blue Valley. You were obviously hurt, body aching from the ordeal it had been through. It’s only when you try to sit up that you realize you aren’t alone.

A firm, yet gentle, hand pushes you to lay back down. Looking up, you’re greeted by a man you’ve never met before. You’re too caught up in your staring and confusion to realize he’s speaking, “You shouldn’t try and strain yourself. Not after the ordeal you’ve been put through.”

Once you’re laying back comfortably again, the man fixes his suit and heads back to a chair off in the corner, you assume he had been occupying it before you awoke.

It’s unsettling to say the least and all the more ominous, the way he stares at you that is. His gaze is intense and it scares you. It’s like he’s trying to see everything that you are and everything you’ve ever been. The coldness of the room doesn’t help ease your anxiety. If anything it adds to it, making you feel all the more vulnerable.

“I’m sorry, I haven’t properly introduced myself. I am Jordan Mahkent, I am- well, I was a friend of William’s.” Oh, so he was familiar with your past adoptive father? That made you feel a little more at ease.

“Oh, um...okay. By chance do you know where Denise is? I would really like to see her.” For some reason it feels like the room’s gotten colder. It doesn’t help that you can’t quite read the expression on Jordan’s face. That is until it turns into one of sympathy.

“I’m sorry, Y/n, but Denise didn’t make it.” You could feel all the air leave your sore lungs. What the hell was he talking about? Denise didn’t make it? But she had been right next to you the last you remember.

Throat dry you try to speak again, “What so you mean? She was there, I was with her and she was fine!” You’re choked up, tears streaming down your face. You don’t even notice that Jordan is now sitting next to you, wiping your tears away with a hand considerably colder than normal. He’s trying to be comforting but all you can focus on are his words echoing in your head.

“I’ve got you, Y/n. I’m here for you now.”

////

There wasn’t a single day that passed without Jordan visiting you. You had to stay awhile longer in the hospital to recover, especially given you had woken up from a coma due to the crash. You didn’t mind though, you didn’t feel right being back in Blue Valley and you were still processing how you lost everything in a matter of a few days.

But Jordan was nice. He was patient but most importantly he was there for you. He seemed kind enough. He would even tell you stories about when he and William were close. It was comforting hearing about William, especially in his youth but it still hurt to hear his name knowing full well he wouldn’t be coming back.

The day of you getting discharged, Jordan had offered that you stay with him and his family. Thai scenario felt oddly familiar. Similar to how you’d been brought into the Zarick family. You couldn’t deny that it was a kind gesture and it’s not like you had anywhere else to go.

His family was just as welcoming as the Zarick’s had been. You kept trying to remind yourself that these people weren’t your past family but the memories and comparisons just wouldn’t leave you alone. You couldn’t quite put your finger on whether it was healthy for you to think this way or not.

It hurt, that much was for certain. It didn’t help that you felt like you were not only replacing your old family but that you were also using these nice, generous people to fill a void in you from everything that you’d lost. It didn’t feel right at all to you and the Mahkent’s definitely didn’t deserve it either. They were just trying to do a good thing after all.

You tried giving what you could to this new family but it was hard. You were obviously depressed and still dealing with what happened to the Zarick’s. You just wanted your family back. You just wanted your Joey, your William and your Denise again. You just wanted to be home with them, where you were happy and content. The only thing that seemed to make you feel better were the pain killers the doctor had prescribed and they didn’t make you feel anything. You’d guess that the numbness was better than the hurt in the long run. Not to mention it helped keep away the horrible images in your head of Joey’s death, even if only for awhile.

And sometimes, if you were lucky, you could see William, Denise, and Joey. It was as if they were right there with you, like the four of you were together again. It was nice to say the least. It gave what you needed, even if it was just a little taste of it.

Fortunately for you, your injuries and trauma were severe enough that you were given a prescription of painkillers to refill as long as you needed them. You could feel numb and be with your family again whenever you needed to, as long as you had that prescription.

As hard as you tried to keep this away from anyone else, especially the Mahkents, you weren’t very successful. Jordan knew something wasn’t quite right. He was understanding that you would need time to adapt and get comfortable with them but he thought you would surely grow to love and be part of his family by now. Don’t get him wrong, Jordan was seeing you trying to be involved but it wasn’t enough. You were still holding back.

It wasn’t until Cameron came to him, worried about you that he started to see a different change in you. You seemed spacey and not really in the moment but that was understandable given your medication. It was some pretty strong stuff after all. But Jordan took note to ask about it at your next checkup. Thankfully you had to have mandatory checkups and your most recent one was coming up.

But Jordan was going to have a talk with Henry, not only for some information on this specific medication but also to have Henry tell him just what was going on in that head of yours.

Your check up went well. You still need your medication but the dosage as been dropped. Once your assigned doctor heard that you were acting just a little too out of it they thought it was about time to decrease your medicine, even though the before amount shouldn’t have affected you like that. After that was said and done, Jordan left you at the vending machine and headed off to Henry.

It didn’t take him long to find Henry nor did it take Henry long to read your thoughts. But once Jordan heard what was going through your head, he couldn’t quite pinpoint how or what he was feeling exactly. One thing was for certain though, he was going to be monitoring your medicine intake from now on.

You knew you had a problem. You were conscious of that and you had tried to stop but you couldn’t bring yourself to. You wanted the hurt to stop, you just wanted to stop feeling altogether. And that’s just what you got when you took a few extra pills then prescribed. You guess you should have been more mindful. That’s why when Jordan started handing out your medication a part of you was relieved. Maybe things could get better. Maybe you could get better. But then that all too familiar itch was back and you were in need.

But Jordan was determined to not to let you destroy yourself. He didn’t care what you lost at this point. You had something new and alive right in front of you. You had a family right in front of you. But you weren’t seeing them. You weren’t seeing him. You weren’t seeing anything anymore.

It’s all getting to be too much. Everything is getting to be too much.

You’re starting to feel too much. You’re starting to feel everything.

Everything is so overwhelming and erratic.

Your emotions are so overwhelming and erratic. What do you do? What is there to do?

Before you know it, your standing at the very bridge where Joey’s accident happened. You’re only standing, staring off, not a single thought passing through. Then you’re somehow over the railing, standing on the edge of one of the steel beams holding the bride up. It’s only now that a thought comes to mind, one single word: Jump.

But you don’t really want to, do you?

You would get to be with your family again.

But then you would be leaving behind another family.

You would finally not have to feel anything anymore.

But you would be hurting others in the process.

You could be happy again.

But would you really?

Jump.

JUMP!!!

You’re crying now. You can feel the tears, you can taste them from the corner of your mouth. You can hear something. You can hear someone calling out to you. Turning your head, you see Jordan running over towards you. He’s panicked but his voice is calm.

“Y/n? What are you doing over there??? Come here. Come on, I got you.” He’s holding his arms out for you. He’s here for you. That’s when it hits you, the realization of what you were just about to do. And you’re scared, reaching out to him. Jordan gets close enough to grab hold of you, pulling you over the railing like nothing.

He’s clutching you close, so close it hurts. But it’s a good hurt. It means you’re there with him, that he has you safe in his arms. It doesn’t even matter how cold he is anymore.

You’re sobbing now, clutching at him just as feverishly. “I’m sorry!! I’m so sorry!! I didn’t mean it! I don’t want to die!!!”

He tries to console you, still holding you so tightly. His voice is calm, soothing as he says, “You’re okay, you’re safe now. Everything’s going to be okay, Y/n. I promise.”

No, you don’t want to die. Of course you want to see William, Denise and Joey again. You want nothing more than to finally be reunited with them once more but you just can’t.

Not yet. Not now.

And they can wait. The’ll wait for as long as they have to. They’ll always be waiting for you.

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