#i have never been so devastated in my life i want this instructor to like me SO bad

[bookwyrminspiration]

horrible horrible feeling of someone trusting you enough to ask for help and then you try and you can't </3

[sitp-recs]

Ok based on your post, do you have an “oh. Oh.” rec list???? Absolutely love that trope (if it counts as a trope hahahah)

Hello anon! Gosh, I wish my memory was good enough to remember fics that actually include the italicized oh 🤌🏼 the best I can do is rec fics with feels epiphany/moment of realization, I hope that’s ok? I’m probably forgetting a bunch but these came to mind:

Still Life, orphaned (M, 3k)

Hourglass Heart by @bixgirl1 (E, 5k)

It only happened once — depending on how Harry counted.

Closer by @pennygalleon (M, 5k)

All who know them are convinced that Harry and Draco are a couple. But that's just ridiculous.

the keys to your kingdom by thistle_verse (E, 7.5k)

It was nothing so elegant as fucking, the first time they came together. It was teeth just a little too sharp— against a collarbone, on the right-side curve of a jaw, drawing blood from the plushest part of a bottom lip.

Clear As Mud by scoradh (M, 10k)

Set post-war and post-Harry's-conscience...

Take the Moon by @tackytigerfic (M, 15k)

Harry Potter has always wanted a family of his own, and when a deadly blood curse forces him into a marriage bond with his best friend Draco Malfoy, it looks like he might just have found one.

Five Weddings and a Potions Accident by lauren3210 (E, 19k) - this one actually has the oh!!!

In which Harry thinks he’s a playboy, everyone else knows better, and Hermione will kill Seamus if Ron tries to collect on that bet.

Around You Moves by ignatiustrout (M, 29k)

Harry knew Draco was gay when he invited him to move in. He’s never had a problem with this. So why does he feel so weird about Draco bringing men home all of a sudden?

Friends? Is That What We Are? by @l0vegl0wsinthedark (E, 33k)

What the hell is Harry even supposed to do when he finally realises that he loves Draco? He's an idiot and it takes him a while but he gets there. They get there.

Clouds That Veil the Midnight Moon by @drarrytrash (E, 36k)

According to Harry’s personal narrative regarding the incident, he’d hooked up with Draco Malfoy for purely self-destructive reasons, or out of convenience, or by some unlucky accident. Looking at him, sprawled in the moonlight, Harry is devastated to recall that he’d hooked up with Draco Malfoy because he’s hot.

Follow the Water by @xanthippe74 (T, 38k)

Harry Potter’s life is fine. Maybe a little dull and predictable, but he shouldn’t complain about that, right? When he unexpectedly finds himself at Luna’s house one afternoon, Harry gets invited to join the secret wonderland that she’s creating with a surprising group of friends.

Here's The Pencil, Make It Work by ignatiustrout (M, 49k)

Harry thinks "Why is Malfoy working in a coffee shop in muggle London?" is a much simpler question than, "Are you going to accept that auror offer and, if you don't, what will you do?"

Modern Love by @tackytigerfic (E, 61k)

Harry Potter, of all people, knows that life isn’t always fair. And no one gets to be happy all of the time. But surely there’s something more—something better—than a rubbish Ministry job, and a lonely old house, and that feeling that everyone out there is doing a better job of living than Harry is.

We Are Young (I'll Carry You Home Tonight) by Femme (E, 68k)

Harry and Draco have been falling into bed on and off again since the last election five years ago, much to the amusement--and financial gain--of their circle of friends.

Little Deaths and How to Avoid Them by nerakrose (T, 96k)

Malfoy is way too interested in coroner reports for somebody who's definitely not looking for ways to die, Harry wants to be friends with him, and Ginny wants to break up with Harry.

Grounds for Divorce by Tepre (E, 122k)

Malfoy finds a coin. Harry finds a letter.

What We Pretend We Can't See by gyzym (M, 131k)

Seven years out from the war, Harry learns the hard truth of old history: it’s never quite as far behind you as you thought.

By the Grace by lettered (T, 140k)

Harry is an Auror instructor. Malfoy wants to be an Auror.

[gbrnth]

After the war had been finally won, 'Melissa' had been retired; the exotic Bhujerban dancer was no longer a necessary weapon from Ondore's arsenal, even if she had been questionable in her role as a spy at best; with Ghis perishing with his fleet and her own complicated involvement with Gabranth later, the woman had all but renounced her assignment and confessed to the judge who should have her hung for such treason.

And yet, he had offered Melissa the chance to flee - and it was only after Vayne had been defeated that a reunion was made possible. Now going by her real name of Lilian, the Bhujerban had found Gabranth again - or rather, Noah fon Ronsenburg - with no small amount of help from Larsa himself, now crowned emperor, and as a measure of thanks to Ondore (who also acknowledged that the brunette had been in a complicated situation in the past and did not hold her failures as a spy and assassin against her).

There was hardly anything for her in the Sky City - so Lilian found herself living once more in Archades, working as a dance instructor and responsible for maintaining the local Bhujerban association. It was a peaceful life, of the likes she didn't imagine possible, and with an open relationship with Noah which required them to observe just basic etiquette instead of meeting only in the shadows. A new existence - for both of them; a chance for her to atone for the lies she was forced to tell, too.

But also a rather special day - it wasn't until Noah made it home from the palace and had bathed (as well as had dinner) that Lilian decided to break the news to him. The doctor she had visited earlier that day was positive of the news - and frankly, it helped explain a lot about the Bhujerban's weird apetite, the sudden inability to appreciate food she had always enjoyed and the very low tolerance to some of her perfumes.

"Noah - I have something I wanted to tell you," she began, choosing a seat next to him on the couch and holding a hand of his before looking up at him, taking a deep breath - Lilian was evidently nervous, which was rather out of place for her; but the reason became clear as soon as she spoke again, "The doctors have every reason to believe that you will be a father later this year and I... Did not know how you felt about this. Do you wish to talk about it, my love?"

UNSCRIPTED ASKS

Noah never imagined himself in a domestic relationship - deprived of the chance by the invasion of his homeland first; followed by his military career in the Archadian forces. Barely sparing a thought about it he had always accepted an inevitable death on the battlefield; defending Archadian values until his last breath - the fate of a traitor, a kingslayer, a renegade at best. With Melissa it became closest to a concievable option; if their relationship hadn't been tainted by too many secrets and false claims.

An affair behind Ghis' back at first; and a honest confession falling from her lips later - her affiliation with the insurgence; a spy sent to gather as much information as possible - and their liaison crumbled into dust. Melissa had been nothing but a mask, hiding Lilian; a trusted person and a stranger at the same time. Devastated by the revelation yet unable to execute her for treason Judge Gabranth left her with an opportunity to flee; his last words a vow of agony - if I ever see you again, I will fulfill my duty as Judge Magister.

Yet he only met her again after the battle of Rabanastre; shortly after Larsa's coronation. To his surprise the young Emperor still preferred the injured Judge as his protector - furthermore implementing new positions to the Imperial court, much to the senate's dismay. Ambassadors of various nations; maintaining the peace and harmony between the people of Ivalice - announcing none other than Lilian as the Bhujerban envoy. And yet again he proved to be unable to keep his promise; nothing but empty words now. Another confession of love; carrying the chance of a sincere relationship in it's wake - unsullied by lies and false identities.

Enjoying their new life as a couple Noah still remained unprepared for yet another of Lilian's announcements - something she seemed to be proficient in; given how often her statements had put his emotions through the wringer by now. The casual remark of her pregnancy didn't fail to surprise him yet again; heart skipping a beat; his gaze seeking her face in search for any hint she might be joking - only to find her eyes gleaming with joy and positive expectation.

"I... uh... what?" Dumbfounded and at the loss for words Noah struggled to clear his thoughts - she eagerly waited for an answer; her fingers intertwined with his to emphasize the importance of her revelation. He felt like a stuttering fool - glancing into her cheerful eyes and yet he didn't know what to say. "Lilian, I... I'm honest with you - that was quite a surprise." His head was spinning already - the idea of having a family never came to his mind; much less the concept of him being a father. Growing up in a dysfunctional family corrupted his paternal feelings, as it seemed. Although things had changed, his past was still haunting him; the memories vivid as ever. Concentrating on their joined hands Noah found her gaze again. "I never imagined a family of my own", he confessed after a short pause; retuning her smile, albeit nervous. "And if I am honest, I am quite anxious to be a father, sunshine." Taking a deep breath he felt better. "Please don't mistake my doubt for displeasure - I can assure you I am happy - and I am quite glad you are by my side."

[another-happylanding]

There’s a lot of things I loved about ep6 of tbobf it truly was an incredible episode but I have to talk about how crushed I am about Luke and Ahsoka. They are two of my all time favorite Star Wars characters and I was so disappointed at the hypocrisy and restriction they placed on grogu and his attachments. Coming from both of them it just made me feel livid. Like really?? Ahsoka isn’t even a Jedi and Luke abandoned his own training to save his friends/father.

Even worse was Luke placing the armor Din gifted him, and yodas lightsaber in front of Grogu and telling him he had to make a life altering decision and could only choose one. First of all, how dare you. Din made the armor to protect grogu because he loves him and was even willing to leave it behind without seeing Grogu, trusting that it would get to him. Why has it been made into some dramatic “if you choose the indestructible armor your dad gifted you you’re giving into attachment and you’re out of here!!!!” It’s like “he’s not a CHRISTIAN!!!!” But with Jedi.

Second he is a baby! Is Luke forgetting he’s a baby? A baby with a very very long life ahead of him. He will outlive both Luke, and Din, and basically every other individual he forms a bond with. It’s normal for children to form attachments and he’s going to be a child for a while! Not only that but he’s a child with a lifetime of struggles and trauma, do we not think it beneficial that he has a consistent steady adult around who he loves and trusts? Losing people is inevitable and expecting him to never form any attachments in his entire life is unrealistic. It just seems smarter for Luke teach him how to manage his attachments in a healthy way rather than try to sever them all.

And finally, are we really going to undo the entire plot of the mandalorian season 2 in one episode? Was Din’s whole purpose and mission not to return Grogu to his kind? Did he not place Grogu on the seeing stone and allow him to choose if he wanted to become a Jedi? And did Grogu not then reach out to Luke? We already did this why is Luke making him choose again? Grogu obviously wants to learn to use the force but not at the expense of losing his family. Regardless of what he chooses he looses. He’s also so much safer with Luke than he was with Din, Din literally just wants visitation rights like come on is he really asking for that much??

I just hope grogu chooses the armor and while Luke is returning him to Din he ends up becoming Din’s darksaber instructor and has some eye opening experiences and a character arc that wakes him the fuck up. (There’s some wishful thinking for you lol) I mean the origin of the darksaber is a Mandalorian who was also a jedi, it’s possible for grogu to find that middle ground.

Really I was just devastated seeing Din within viewing distance of Grogu and being told his presence was detrimental. Are we just going to ignore the fact that Ahsoka considered Anakin her brother and was there literally visiting her nephew??? That Luke would absolutely have stayed close to his father if he had the chance?? That Luke most definitely keeps in touch, and probably has visits from Leia and Han?? Disney made me hear Din say “I came all this way, he’s right there” and I’ll never emotionally recover.

Basically I grew up watching Luke Skywalker and fell in love with his kindness, compassion, and pure lighthearted optimism. If he spends the entire series being a lofty, exalted Jedi type who stands to the side and rattles off random Jedi proverbs while monologuing about attachments (or in any way resembles his characterization in The Last Jedi) I’m going to scream. Luke is not perfect nor has he had enough training to make him a confident master, he’s just doing his best with the weight that’s been placed on him and I need to see his more human moments like we got to see in the original Star Wars movies. I need them to be gentle with his character and not fuck this up pleeease. Luke is creating a new Jedi academy, and therefore has all the power for what that means moving foreword. Let’s not repeat past mistakes. There’s so much potential for them to do amazing things with his character and I hope they take advantage of that.

[thatbadadvice]

Help! I Can't Afford Not To Destroy My Cleaning Lady's Life

Dear Prudence, Slate, 20 September 2021:

Q. Collections department: ​​A few years ago, I hired a cleaning lady. She had a small business, with a few employees working for her. I’d prepay her in batches, and on occasion she’d ask for additional funds due to something unexpected, but she’d always work it off. Then the pandemic hit. Her staff abandoned her, and she had become too unwell to clean herself, so she closed her business, with $1,200 of prepayments from me. I told her back in January she’d need to pay me back, since she could no longer clean, but I wasn’t in a hurry for the money and knocked the repayment down to $1,000.  I’d asked her to send me $100 payments and wanted it paid off by the end of the year.

So far, I have only received $500 back and have had to hound her. She comes back with sob stories of getting fired from various delivery and driver services and saying she doesn’t have any money, after agreeing to pay me when she gets her monthly Social Security deposit. This month, after not receiving a payment in August, I have tried contacting her, and this time no answer. I’m tired of hounding her and could live without the cash, but I can’t live with the resentment of getting taken advantage of by her. I have three choices: Let it go, continue to hound her, or give her an ultimatum that I need to be fully paid back by the end of the year, or I’ll take her to court. I feel like I’m working for my money all over again. What should I do?

Dear Collections Department,

The last 18 months have been incredibly difficult; we are living (well, some of us) through an unprecedented global pandemic that has absolutely decimated supply chains and entire industries, forced parents to make terrible no-win decisions about raising and schooling their children, and separated families across the globe. Many of us have lost and will continue to lose friends and loved ones. Others are economically destitute, forced to work long hours for dying wages in a country with a cruel fucking sham of a social safety net.

And then, of course, there's you — COVID's number-one victim. Sure, Zoom funerals suck, but how about some of these entitled chucklefucks try going a year wiping down their own countertops! Wah-wah-wah, you haven't met your grandchildren? Boo-hoo, you had to put off important medical treatments because you didn't want to risk dying alone on a ventilator in the ICU? Bleat about devastating isolation-induced depression all you want, the real issue is that it's been 18 months since somebody came by to personally clean up your filthy shit.

This cleaning lady ~ claims ~ that a deadly airborne pandemic impeded her and her staff's ability to freely enter peoples' homes to spend time indoors with strangers at length. Pretty improbable, if you ask me! I mean, any rube could have smelled that pile of horse manure from a mile away! Here your cleaning lady is, living the life of Riley on a monthly Social Security stipend that likely extends into the high tens of dollars, withholding from you a king's ransom that could be put to good use for any number of things — lining your purebred hamster's cage, wiping your ass, being set on fire and launched into the sun for shits and giggles. The possibilities are endless, except for the possibility that you just let this fucking woman whose whole life has fallen apart just have five hundred goddamned dollars that you wouldn't even look twice at if it grew fucking legs, put on a trench coat, and started blasting Peter Gabriel on a boombox outside your window.

Poor people are poor on purpose and because of their moral failings, whereas people who would literally never miss $500 but who threaten to take a struggling woman to court to ensure she pays off a meaningless debt at the lowest point in her life and career are good and worthy! It is your cleaning lady who must be taught a lesson about the value of money, and what better instructor than you, a person who deserves all that comes to them in this life, and hopefully also in the next.

[kirstenonic05]

Finally, my Pitter Patter Pop Adventure in written form as a memory to hold to this great game. It certainly was a wild ride.

In short: This game made me love JoJo

I didn't know what JoJo was before I played this game. It looked cute, so of course it as going to get it without knowing anything about JoJo. My sister told me JoJo was good, so why not?

It was more fun than I anticipated. I love match 3s, like Bejewled and Pokèmon Shuffle, so a match 4 with cute animations and gacha? Count me in.

My first GR was Joseph, but I didn't really care. I kind of recognized him as the guy from Part 2 but otherwise I didn't do much with him. He got his own room simply because he was my first GR but he had the worst green room. The first team was Joseph and Speedwagon.

I managed to get Jonathan then Dio in the same roll. Having just watched Part 1 I put them in a team together for a long while. I even got sword Jonathan but ditched him early because he wasn't good.

Then I got voiced Giorno, who remained my main to this day. He was paired with his father because family. They were a pretty good team.

Next was Narancia. As Ink's fav I used him with Giorno, even going on a holiday with them as my team. They were my team for a very, very long time.

Ink got Prosciutto and Narancia, believing Pros was very rare. I didn't get him until very late, so she may as well be right.

After playing Eyes of Heaven and midway through watching Part 2 I fell in love with Joseph. I tried him in EoH just for fun and expected nothing from him but he was absolutely fun to play and his personality was great. Thus, he was upgraded a room and became my banner character.

I aimed to get Risotto because he was both a rare event and I saw a video of someone destroying the highscore with him and Giorno. One day I got him and to this day he and Giorno are my mains.

The strategy? Get Giorno to go first, then before the tiles break activate Risotto. Keep on chaining this. Once it's stand up time use two boxes in the middle of the top corners. Activate Giorno then swipe until most of the board is Giorno. Then activate Risotto and wait. This backfired whenever a blockage was in the wrong place.

Very far in I attempted Fugo and Kars as a team, Caesar and Joseph, Joseph and Kars before ending up with Fugo and Okuyasu. Then Joseph V.2 came around and he and Bruno were a team very late into the game.

Fugo and Okuyasu had the fastest animations so grinding was quick and easy. Just activate Fugo then let Okuyasu remove his blockage. Easy.

WGR Polnareff came as a surprise. On a down day he appeared out of nowhere and was actually pretty good. Sadly Risotto was somehow stronger.

The end of the game happened too swiftly. I got 300 gems from a rainbow chest and managed to swipe a bunch of bronze and silver medals. Then I recorded a video of the last moments. The game gave 1000 gems and a golden ticket as it was announced to shut forever. Devastated, I swapped New York's JoJo, who I was gunning for forever and then randomly got, back to original Joseph. If the end of the world happens, might as well have everyone be their true self.

I guess there will be no more grinding for room items, or checking online for colour kanji to get extra gems on premium missions. The premium room was already gone a long time ago, replaced by the villas. The teams was swapped to a sticker book and although I missed the first stickers, being Doppio, I managed to accumulate quite a bit.

There was a time exploration didn't exist, too. When there were no character items, no badges. Some didn't have voices past the silver badge. Only the JoJos did. Then, everyone got it.

And there were crystals as well. Only some could awaken. It didn't remain that way for long, but my Giorno still can't awaken. At least I was there when the first awakening was, Frog Giorno being my first among other players.

There were some rooms I wanted. I grinded hard for the BT room, and tried my best to get Holly's house and the Torture Dance place. Before the game shut down they released new rooms, and I gave some of the marriage one to Kars. It's pretty, ok?

I remember when I needed one last character to finish Part 2. Santana just became a normal unit, so I got him. Same for Bruford. Then the New York JoJo's event dropped and more units appeared. I got Straizo but failed at getting Joseph. I stopped for a bit, and in the time more units were added. Joseph & Caesar w/ their instructors. Esidisi and Wamuu V.2. And finally, Ult Kars.

I was saving gems for a Caejose unit. Having burned them all out on Ult Kars I was in a bit of a dip and took a break. I used 900 or so gems. He was crazy op, had an amazing model and introduced more character items. But I left for awhile, missing the opportunity to get him and his room because of camp.

Then I returned to find the world on fire. Everything was happy in the book, but not in real life. One last party was had.

It's been 2 years now. I never got up up level 100, only 97. I had over 100 characters. Ultimate Kars never joined my team and I got Caesar's sticker on the last day. My sticker book was full of teams. A house that used to have one room now had 15.

This game got me through hard times. Made me appreciate the characters of JoJo a little bit more. If not for this game I wouldn't know what it would be about. All things have to end at some point, even if we don't want them to.

And now I say, Goodbye. Thank you Pitter Patter Pop for being an amazing game. And if you read till the end, thank you for being here.

[gryffindors-weasley]

Finding A Light

Ron Weasley x Fem!Reader

Summary: Ron was left broken in the aftermath of the wizarding war. In an attempt to build a better life, he feels he may have unknowingly met someone who could put those pieces back together.

Warnings: angst, mentions of death, grieving, fluff

A/N: Remus is very much alive in this series! This will be more than one part, I hope you enjoy!

Ron Weasley was a man of few words when presented the daunting task of expressing his emotions, preferring to stuff them down and deal with the consequences later. He never outright says what he’s feeling unless it’s pried from him, and in those times it’s usually expressed through anger. He isn’t great with his words either, so it didn’t come as a surprise to Harry and Hermione to see him so closed off after the war had concluded its disastrous rampage.

It was a battle that anyone and everyone involved was more than likely to never forget, the losses and hardships engraved in their minds as a permanent reminder should their memory allow it as they age. Some had come out on the other side more fortunate than others. Some had handled it far better than others. Ron was not one of those people.

His long awaited ambitions on becoming an Auror were rapidly diminished and pushed to the very back of his mind for a good while. He had wanted absolutely nothing to do with magic beyond that very day, thought that maybe if he hadn’t used it, it wouldn’t remind him of his tragedies. That maybe that part of his life would be forgotten in time if he tried hard enough. So, his wand, his robes, his Hogwarts letters and what was left of his sentimental wizarding memorabilia were hastily shoved into a cardboard box, taped shut and stuffed away to collect dust. Out of sight out of mind was his reasoning, though it didn’t quite work out that way.

The loss of his childhood home paired with the devastating loss of one of his older brothers had been a weight too heavy to bear, pressing down on his chest with each day that passed. He nearly lost two of his closest friends amidst the chaos the Dark Lord left in his wake. Such a lifetime of pain and loss was something he never anticipated to experience all by the young age of eighteen, and it left him feeling like a mere shell of the person he once used to be. As if the years of extraordinary magical endeavors prior to that day were completely erased and replaced with utter heartache.

It took him four years to bring himself out of the pit he found himself stuck in and find some semblance of strength, if only for his mother, and he wanted to build a better life for himself. One without so much sorrow written into his story. He wasn’t entirely sure how to go about doing so, knowing a return to a normal life simply wouldn’t be feasible. Not that his life had ever been considered normal per say.

The emotional scars were something that would never go away, he understood that, but he didn’t think he could go another day having the same mundane routine night and day. He felt ready for more.

Now, at the age of twenty-two coming up on twenty-three, he found himself returning to Hogwarts with hopes to become a professor. His heart nearly beat out of his chest when he arrived, sick to his stomach with nerves as he stopped and stood in the middle of the newly constructed stone bridge. His letter crinkled under the pressure of his tightly clenched hand, luggage in the other, eager students curving their stride to avoid running into him. The castle was more grand than he’d remembered it to be, perhaps they’d made it bigger to house more young witches and wizards, perhaps it wasn’t. Either way, against his instincts, he forced himself to swallow the lump in his throat and continue forward before he convinced himself to turn around and apparate home.

He quickly found that things had been kept fairly the same as he roamed the grand halls in curiosity, as similar to the school he’d grown up in as it could be. The wondrous ceiling of enchanted candles in the Great Hall was a detail that briefly gave him watery eyes; the varying hues of reds, oranges and yellows coloring the Gryffindor common room, down to the house flags pridefully ornamenting the new quidditch pitch. He found himself turning to express his awe to Harry or Hermione on more than one occasion, but was only met with the unfamiliar faces of new students. His shoulders would slump as he exhaled a deep sigh.

It had taken him nearly two months to fully adjust to his newfound routine, to come to terms with the memories that flashed in his mind of their own volition. Whether they be good or bad, they had a habit of making themselves known at the worst of times. Over the course of that time period crumpled pieces of parchment had accumulated around the desk in his room, unsent letters to his mother of his wishes to return home. All of which were written hastily in either frustration or tears, or a mixture of the two. And of the ones he had sent, they were promptly returned with enchanted letters vocally telling him with the utmost of love and sternness that he will be staying, he needs this. Those letters kept him going on those days.

Amongst those days and nights it was strange not having his two best friends there, loneliness still having its hold on him.

Remus Lupin had made his return all the more welcome though, himself and McGonagall being two of the only familiar faces that he’d truly connected with. He felt it was an honor to be taken under his wing and trained, he always had been Ron’s favorite instructor of Defense Against The Dark Arts. He’d even go so far as to say he’s the best if he was being honest.

Regardless, despite his own personal conflicts, he was beginning to feel more comfortable residing there than he had ever thought he would. It was as if the nagging rain cloud dumping over his head was starting to dissipate for the time being.

“You did very good today, Ron,” Lupin says once his final class of the day has left, “the teaching of boggarts is never easy I’ll say, and if I recall correctly it wasn’t your favorite lesson.”

Ron chuckles at the thought, pushing his chair in when he stood. “Not particularly. I still have a nightmare or two about that bloody spider.”

Lupin laughs, nodding at the pleasant memory. Things fall quiet for a few moments as Ron moves to sling his bag over his shoulder. “Off you go, Mr. Weasley, enjoy your weekend,” he urges, grabbing Ron’s attention again before he gets too far. “Here’s your weekly report. You’re becoming a fine up and coming professor I’d say. I have no doubt that I will be leaving my classroom in the best possible care.”

Ron nods with a soft laugh, cheeks flushing a pale crimson at the reassurance as he takes the parchment from him, tucking it into his bag to be read later. “Thank you, Professor Lupin, really. It means a lot to hear.”

He smiles appreciatively before making his way across the long classroom, stopping in his tracks. He takes a breath to gather his thoughts before spinning on his heel to face him again, returning to the desk he sat at. “Can I ask you a question?”

“I suppose.”

He offers Ron a smile upon seeing the clear hesitancy written all over his face. Ron gulps, fumbling with the strap of his bag that rested on his shoulder. He could practically see the gears turning in the ginger boy’s head if such a thing existed. “Was it…was it hard coming back here? After the war, I mean.”

Lupin huffs out a soft laugh at the sudden ask of such a deep question, though he can’t say he was surprised. “I was waiting for this question to arise,” he says, lifting a hand to stop Ron from apologizing. “To give a short answer, yes. It took great thought. To give a long answer, one you may not like but I’m sure you already know, there will always be bad days after experiencing such trauma. It is not easy being born into a life where magic is real and not just a trick of the eye. While it can be wonderful it also brings with it a great deal of damage.”

Ron nods as he listens to his words, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

“Despite all of it, Hogwarts is a place that can be good just as much as it can be bad. You just have to take it in your stride. You’re stronger than you think, Ron. If you really want to be here, I believe it is worth it to try.”

Ron exhales deeply, taking a moment to process his insightful words, a certain wisdom he appreciated. It left him feeling considerably lighter than he had before, like he was a bit more hopeful of a better experience here. “Thank you.”

That’s all he can manage to say.

The blue eyed man in front of him nods. “Go on now, you’ve had a long day, Weasley.”

—

Ron found himself to be rather excited for this weekend. It would be his first time making a trip to Hogsmeade in nearly five years, though he’d been putting it off because the experience wasn’t quite the same when doing it alone. Third years buzzed around him with the excitement of their newfound privileges and independence, bouncing from shop to shop to fully take in all that it had to offer.

He, however, walked at a leisurely pace amongst the students bustling around him, taking a moment to fully appreciate everything he hadn’t seen for so long. Catching details that otherwise went unnoticed like the chipping pink paint on the curved windowsills of Madam Puddifoot’s Tea Shop, and the happy young couples residing inside. The vibrant green moss that formed inbetween the crumbling cracks of the old cobblestone walkways. However, the sight of Zonko’s Joke Shop made his heart lurch in his chest the moment he saw it.

He averted his gaze immediately, swallowing thickly as he tugged at his shirt collar that suddenly felt a little too constricting. It had been Fred and George’s favorite shop to frequent, always buying new things to add to their inventory of pranks. But now that one half of the pair was missing it wasn’t such a fond memory anymore, moreso a taunting one.

The sound of a couple students joyously greeting with a chorus of ‘Hi Mr. Weasley!’ pulled him from his thoughts and he was quick to smile, giving them a half wave as they had already begun to walk away. He let his hand fall back to his side, huffing out a sigh as he continued to walk along the path towards the one place he looked forward to the most, Honeydukes.

The little bell overhead alerted his entrance as he opened the door, the air noticeably sweeter than outside. He found himself smiling as his gaze bounced around the near unchanged shop, any candy you could possibly think of lining almost every brightly painted wall. Though not every single one is a desireable find, he learned that one the hard way. He almost didn’t know where to begin, much like how he felt the first time he ever entered the place, and every time after that for that matter. So he perused the shop, something he’s never done by himself.

His eyes landed on familiar chocolates, and he was quick to grab a box for Hermione because he knows they’re her favorite. Despite such knowledge she still adamantly denies having a sweet tooth to this day. To go along with that, he snags one of the last chocolate frogs for Harry.

It was a fond memory when he thought of it, a tradition they’d had as young students. He’s still got the cards he’d collected from each frog, they were tucked away in that box filled with other things. Maybe when he returned home he’d have the courage to reopen it.

He continues to look around for a bit more, finding himself wishing he had the same sense of enjoyment and innocence as some of the younger students held. For they were fortunate enough to narrowly miss being involved with such negative events. He had to remind himself that it wasn’t looming over his head anymore, to let himself enjoy this very moment. So, he tried his best to clear his mind and bring himself back to his current situation in the middle of an aisle filled with hard candies.

When he had turned the corner of said aisle he collided with something, someone to be more specific, the box clutched in his hands opening on impact and sending the assortment of sweets clattering to the ground with the addition of others. The chocolate frog had fell from its decorative box and hopped out of sight before he could process it.

“I’m so sorry!” A soft voice sounds in front of him, a warm hand enveloping his wrist.

“It’s okay…” Ron trails off when he matches the voice to its owner, blinking slowly as his mouth hangs slightly agape. He found himself staring at the girl, he was quite sure he’d never seen someone so alluring, so captivating. He didn’t know if he could manage to stop gawking. “I-it’s okay.”

His cheeks redden when he realized he’s repeated himself, the fiery heat of embarrassment burning from the very tips of his ears down to his neck, leaving his pale skin flushed. You too came to the realization that you were still gripping his arm, quickly dropping it as you laughed softly to stave off any awkward silence. He averts his eyes momentarily, needing a moment to regain his composure and not make a complete fool of himself in front of the prettiest girl he’d ever seen. Though he’s quite sure he already has.

“I told Mr. Flume it shouldn’t be quite so cramped in here, but he never seems to listen,” you laugh, looking at the smattering of sweets scattered around the two of them. Ron was focused less on the mishap and more on the way you smiled brightly at him, knowing his cheeks were undoubtedly the same shade as his hair. “Give me just one moment, please!”

He nods just a little too late as you rush off around another corner and out of sight, leaving him to stand there awkwardly as students in the vicinity stared at the mess sprawled at his feet. Shortly, you indeed did come back, a new box of chocolates and what was now the last chocolate frog in your hands. You thrusted them in his direction with a warm smile, one that made his heart flip in his chest. “Take these, it’s on the house.”

“Oh I couldn’t do that,” Ron rushes.

“Please, it was my mistake. I insist.”

He laughs softly, nodding after a moment. “At least let me help you clean up?”

You nod up at him with a laugh of your own, “deal.”

He tries not to think about the way your fingers brush over his as they pick up chocolates from the checkered floor, tossing them into the nearby trash bin. And he tried not to think about the way you’d had his stomach twisting in knots as if he was a thirteen year old again experiencing his first crush.

“I’m Y/n, by the way.”

He scrambled to think of a response, seemingly forgetting his own name momentarily. It hadn’t gotten any better when you looked up at him politely as if waiting for a response. “I’m Ron…Ron Weasley.”

He could’ve kicked himself for being so awkward, knowing him stumbling over his words couldn’t possibly give off any sort of appeal. He brushed his hands off with a sigh as he stood to his feet. Though you didn’t seem to mind his nerves as you brushed your hands off on your jeans.

“Nice to meet you, Ron. I only wished it were on better circumstances.” The pale blush on your face deepened a shade.

“That’s quite alright,” he says with an airy laugh, brushing his hair out of his eyes. “It was nice meeting you too.”

That same silence took up the absence in conversation again as Ron tried desperately to think of something to say, not quite ready for the interaction to be over. You beat him to it.

“I hope to see you around here again, maybe without the mess,” you say with a soft smile, “and don’t forget your chocolates.”

He was confused for a moment, too caught up in the way your eyes sparkled as they looked at him, or the way your hair fell around your face before following where you’d been pointing. “Oh! Y-yeah…thank you,” He grabbed his sweets in his shaky hands, feeling rather bold suddenly, “I’ll see you around then, Y/n.”

He was sure your words were only friendly, something you probably said often as a kind gesture. Probably not because you actually wanted to see him again. But he let himself think otherwise if only for a moment.

You simply nod, your grin widening a fraction, “bye Ron.”

—

Ron’s lifted spirits did not go unnoticed, not by Mrs. McGonagall who made it a point to bring it up at dinner later that evening. He could tell she picked up on it, could tell by the very way she’d glanced at him frequently. Though he wasn’t sure he was hiding it very well. He pretended not to notice, focusing his gaze on the rows of tables occupied by dozens upon dozens of students seated at them, the hardwood adorned with some of the best food he’s ever eaten. Second only to his mother.

“Is there a particular reason you’re so cheery, Mr. Weasley?” She finally asks, and he sighs at the question.

“Not particularly,” he responds using her wording, glancing at her as a smile pulls at the left corner of his mouth. He watches as she raises a skeptical brow; he knows what’s coming.

“I haven’t seen you smile like that in a number of years, Ronald. I know when you’re lying,” she says with a soft laugh, though she doesn’t pry.

Ron chuckles down at his plate as he shakes his head, pushing his food around as he thought about her. The way she smiled at him, so brightly the corners of her eyes crinkled. It still felt as though those butterflies were still fluttering around in his stomach. He quickly found himself wanting to hear your voice again, or hear your laughter—

“I’ve met a wonderful person today, that’s all,” he blurts, looking to his side.

She gave him a fond yet knowing smile, nodding her head. “I know the look of young love when I see it.”

“I’m not in love, Mrs. McGonagall,” he urges almost immediately, cheeks reddening once more at her preposterous conclusion, “I’ve only just met her today.”

“If you insist, my dear.”

“I do insist.” He tries to be sure of himself despite his inability to get you off his mind, but he hides his smile behind his goblet as he takes a sip.

Later that night he went to bed with something other than sorrow clouding his thoughts, instead feeling rather optimistic about the week ahead. Or maybe it was the plans he’d had at the end of it that had him so eager, time feeling agonizingly slow. It was definitely that. He couldn’t wait to see you next Saturday.

—

[thebadboyfanclub]

Let Me Do Better (Edward Cullen x Reader)

this was requested by @actyourownfandom-23​  I had to switch it up a bit since i really could not figure out for the life of me how to write something like that but I hope you enjoy.

(y/n) was devastated, how could he? after all those promises, all that time they spent together, everything they went through he just decided to leave her after a little bump on the road, they had been through much worse than the party incident. 

(Y/n) felt empty,broken, confused as someone would say, the worst one was the betrayal she felt. As the months past her pain turned to anger, she felt like he had no right to leave like that, she felt like he did it out of a selfish act, it was never about her he just wanted to leave and just found an excuse to do it. 

She felt the need to change, do something to switch up her life, shake things up a bit, shed the old (y/n) and go through new experiences and who knows maybe even forget him, for now however she just needed a distraction from all the things that happened. 

She started with her hair, people always complimented her facial bone structure so when she walked in the school with a nice long bob students could not help but stare at her, then a few new clothes, put some more color in her closet. She got tired of the little earth and dark tones

The final part, her body. She needed to do something to improve herself as a whole but also let loose and put all her feelings to it, what better way to do it than punch the hell out of someone. Kick boxing classes were starting at the only gym Forks had and she was one of the first to sign up.

“I’m not going to lie when I saw you I thought you would give up on the first week”

“When did you change your mind?”

“When you broke your nose and kept going with the match”

Her instructor was a man in his mid 30s, he was a kick boxing pro but after a serious injury he couldn’t train like he used to, so he came back to his hometown to teach classes.

“A high school break up can do wonders”

“Is that what pushed you?”

“Yeap, left with his whole family a day after my birthday”

“Ouch, that must have hurt”

“Anyway, let’s go do this shit”

(y/n) had just started competing against others in official matches and people had to admit she was actually good. Nobody expected this type of 360 turn to her entire lifestyle when Edward left, Edward didn’t even expect it and when Alice told him that she saw her getting punched and kicked and had a bloody nose he got sick to his stomach, all kinds of scenarios coming through his head.

So he came back to see how is she, checked in to the hospital but was surprised when he was told that there was no one with serious injuries with her name. He stayed a few days to gather some information and you can guess how shocked he was when he saw her enter a gym with her boxing gloves tied on her big back and her now much shorter hair up in a ponytail.

He was sitting in the back of the room, watching her so intensely that if looks could kill (y/n) would have been already dead. He didn’t know what to make of this, should he be happy about her moving on with her life as he told her to? Or sad (y/n) became violent and found interest in hurting people? 

He watched as she kicked and punched and threw around her opponent, as well as getting kicked and punched herself, her nose was bleeding and she was sweating profusely, but she still kept going until she came out a winner. Yet again he didn’t know how to feel about her win. He approached the lockers he was told she was in and was met with what he assumed to be her trainer waiting outside.

“Sorry man you can’t go in”

“I’m her friend”

“Of course you are, but since she won I will play along. Tell me your name and i’ll tell her you are here”

“Edward Cullen”

“Alright, wait here”

As the trainer knocked and walked in Edward was for once happy he had the powers he had, including supernatural hearing and reading thoughts.

“Hey there is this dude outside asking for you. His name is Edward”

“As in.. Edward cullen?”

“Yeah”

That’s when he wished he couldn’t hear her thoughts, he was met with anger, curse words, panic and everything in between those feelings.

“Tell him to come in”

As he entered the room and was left with her he was stunned. She had changed so much, her body was now much more athletic, her muscles defined and she looked strong and capable to conquer everyone and everything, her hair short and a different color, something she had never mentioned she wanted to do. What hurt him the most was her facial expression, harsh, cold and unfriendly. She had her guard up

“What do you want here?”

“I know I shouldn’t be here”

“Then go”

Ouch, that was like a straight stab in the heart for him. He should have known the damage he had caused, still he expected to just be welcomed in with open arms? how foolish and selfish of him to think it would be that easy

“Alice saw a vision of you getting punched-”

“Yeah it’s something that happens in boxing”

She cut him off with a sarcastic reply. She turned her back to him and let her hair loose from the ponytail she had them in, she felt her hands shaking as well as her knees. She never thought in a million years that she would see him again, especially now that she was finally doing well with her life.

“(Y/n) I know I hurt you”

“No you don’t Edward, well maybe you did but you didn’t care to think about it, so what do you want from me now?”

“I came here to talk to you”

“About what? About how you left us? how you put yourself first?”

“I wanted to keep you safe”

“Safe? I almost died in the first few months we dated, you put your family first and that’s fine, totally fine just don’t lie to me about how my safety was first”

He saw the pain, the tears building up in her eyes threatening to spill and it was eating him alive. He didn’t know how to act, what could possibly make it better. He took one step towards her, opened his arms to go and hug her

“DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE”

she screamed, stopping him as fast as she could. Then, she just collapsed, flopped in her chair in front of her face and started to cry, her whole body shaking. Edward took the chance to approach her, kneeling in front of her and placing his hand on her knee.

“I’m sorry, that’s all I can say now. Please (y/n) I never wanted to harm you”

“It doesn’t matter what you wanted, it’s what you did”

“I can do better, I beg of you (y/n) let me do better”

[tetrakys]

Eldarya A New Era - episodes 1 and 2

Let’s start with a brief recap and then my comments at the end.

Not much happens plot-wise, which makes sense since the first chapters are always about exposition and introducing the characters.

Episode 1: 

We wake up in the new Crystal room and are swiftly taken by Huang Hua to the infirmary, we are perfectly healthy and have a chance to meet one of our old friends. Since we have been revered as a deity for the past 7 year sin the Crystal, Huang Hua has to make an announcement to the whole HQ saying that we are back into the living world, then we can finally explore HQ, meet old and new friends, get a new outfit and later attend a party in our honour. This is pretty much the plot of the first episode. 

Episode 2:

In the second we have the chance of picking a Guard to belong to, Huang offered the Light one but Erika refuses because she doesn’t feel ready yet. We also get a new sword that Jamon has created for us and we can train a bit with him, afterwards we join a mission and go the forest. Once there we realise there is something wrong, as if some areas looked corrupted. We find a hurt companion and a very human shotgun bullet next to it and an evil-looking companion who attacks us causing us to end our very first mission at the infirmary, as usual. Once we are back on our feet we talk to Huang Hua about the bullet and realise that there is something she is hiding from us, then we help Ewe making a potion to save the companion. The companion got attached to us so we decide to adopt it.

Now a bit of info dump about the characters:

Huag Hua is the new head of the guard since Miiko went back to her family obligations. She is no longer the Phoenix apprentice although we don’t know why yet, she is in a romantic committed relationship with Ewelein who is still the head of the infirmary and member of the Light Guard. 

Aleja and Sonse got married and left, Colaja joined them and she and Jamon broke up since he stayed. He was sad for a bit but then got over it. Kero left when most people left no one knows where he is. Ezarel left with Twilda and Mary Anne to try to make a new life for themselves. Memoria disappeared and no one knows what happened to it and all the dragon spirits. Karuto is still he chef and he became much nicer in time, also is food much better after fruits and vegetables in Eldarya became edible. There is speculation about his relationship with Feng Zifu who is still very polite but much older looking, however nothing confirmed yet.

Huang Chu is the new head of the Absynth Guard, she looks and acts kinda strict and matter-of-factly but she is also surprisingly open-minded, she encourages Erika to think with her own head and never blindly accept anyone’s order not even her own. She doesn’t get along with Mathieu at all.

Koori is a kitsune member of the Absynth Guard, she is funny, provocative and flirty. She wants to become friend with Erika and even flirts a bit. We see her both flirting with and mercilessly teasing Mathieu, not sure if she’s actually hitting on him or playing him, but this seems to be her normal behaviour. 

Chrome is now the head of the Shadow Guard, he and Karenn are still together and while he is the official head it seems that she is his boss as usual so hierarchy is a bit blurry. The both became more mature in time, she is less into gossip and he went through a rough self-blaming patch, but he looks pretty happy right now, eating a lot and constantly making lame jokes, and she seems to have become a real fighter (everyone is recommending to never train with her).

Adalric is a sylph, Erika comments he kinda looks like a genie. He has constantly his head in the clouds forgetting all the most trivial tasks, he talks with the stars and the wind apparently.

Ophelia is this little girl we see for just a moment, we feel that she has the same aura as the Oracle, we hug her but she just smile and leaves. We are told she showed up after the White Sacrifice and no one actually knows anything about her, not even if she sleeps and eats and where. 

Mathieu is a human who stumbled in a mushroom cricle about one year ago, he was sort of a recluse with no friends nor family on Earth, only thinking about fantasy and adventure, so he is very happy to be in Eldarya and couldn’t care less about going back to Earth. To his dismay the test assigned him to the Absynth Guard and he’s constantly hoping to be reassigned to the Obsidian instead. He’s the happy-go-lucky type but seems to also have a certain depth that we will hopefully find out.

Nevra is now a member of the Light Guard and Huang Hua’s right hand (he basically got Leiftan’s old job). He looks more severe and it seems that the events of S1 hardened him. He is back to his slutty ways but in episode he admits frivolous relationships don’t bring him happiness. 

Leiftan got out of the Crystal with us but it took longer for him to wake up. He says that he needs to find himself and wants to put distance between him and everyone else, in fact he refuses to rejoin the Guard. When Erika asks him to train her aengel powers he refuses and says that he won’t ever touch a blade again and will never be responsible of further violence. Nevra can’t stand him at the moment because he thinks he is escaping his responsibilities. 

COMMENTS:

Since people liked the expression I’m going to repeat it again, let’s address the elephant in the room first. (Guys “elephant in the room” is a figure of speech, it’s not a real elephant lol).  No one mentioned who is the head of the Obsidian Guard, when Erika tries to ask one time the subject is swiftly changed and people seem to go out of their way to not go there. Everyone, including their grandparents, their cousins, neighbours and the cousins of their neighbours has figured out that the head of Obsidian is Lance, who is name dropped constantly. I know that there are some people who still like to live in denial, kudos to them. BV all but told me that Lance is coming in episode 3 before Christmas, the release pace is like MCL’s so I’m expecting episodes every second Wednesday of the month at this point, but we’ll see.

The situation with Nevra and Leiftan is heavy not gonna lie. I’ve only played the episode with Nevra so far and my heart broke in tiny pieces, but I want to savour the angst and enjoy the ride. I don’t blame either of the two, Leiftan went from traitor to saviour in a matter of what two days? He had not time to think about his choices and properly reflect on himself. I think it’s fair that the writing his giving him a bit of depth as a character now and not just using him for his abs and to kill and save people when needed. So yeah, I approve him going to therapy or whatever is going to do to achieve self-growth. 

Nevra is a bit trickier, he spent one year moping in front of the Crystal every day, then moved on simply out of survival, and he’s well aware that the life he has now brings him no joy so one would think he would jump into Erika’s arms immediately? He is probably still very much hurting about everything that happened and he still has a fight or flight reaction about everything regarding it, his subconscious reaction when he saw Erika must have been DANGERDANGER RUN. Sleep around is easier because he doesn’t care and can’t be hurt again. While I can understand this, I also think it’s pretty cowardly and I would’ve liked to have given the reaction to get mad, to demand him to spend time with us, because yes he hurt but we spent 7 freaking years in a coma and no time has passed for us, the day before we were swearing love to each other and now this coldness. And yes I could’ve chosen angrier options with him instead of being understanding, but then my LoM would’ve dropped. 

So what I think I’m trying to say is that I would like to have the option of getting mad without having devastating consequences on all the relationships. I know that the next episode is called Rage-something so I am hoping Erika will blow up. We are probably going to run into Lance, find out that he’s been forgiven and working with the Guard and go full violent mode. And hopefully she will get mad with the other guys as well. Homegirl needs to unleash since episode 13 AT LEAST.

Also, since Leiftan refused to train her, I’m expecting that Lance will at some point. Sweaty training sessions with a strict instructor who she kinda hates but also kinda thirst for... 😏😏😏 I have expectations now.

My general comment is that I like the writing so far, I see much improvement from the previous season although it’s too early to judge. I loved the shade thrown at Miiko and the Guard test, you can really tell the writer’s thoughts sometimes, he uses Mathieu to tell us what he thinks. 

The one think I didn’t like is that, while I can understand most of the choices and the events of these two episodes, I don’t understand how the writing can justify Erika not looking for Ezarel if she were on her route. No time has passed for her, anyone would go looking for their lover in a situation like this, not just “oh well, he’s gone”. I know he can’t be brought back, but give me a good, logical reason in game. (Also, I hope to never see him and Valkyon as secondary non-datable characters because I would die inside).

About the other characters, I like Koori and Huang Chu, I don’t like Adalric, just personal taste, he seems to be the type of person who would be into yoga and spiritualism and it’s just not me at all lol.

[paperbodiesamongthestars]

Day 28: Tanning

Six years after he left Hawkins in his rearview mirror, Billy Hargrove tripped over Steve Harrington on a beach in Cancun. In Billy’s defense, it was two in the morning, and the secluded beach he was on was difficult enough to find that it was usually only frequented by employees of the resort. Billy knew for a fact that most of his coworkers were already at their monthly poker night, so he should have had the beach to himself. 

Instead, Steve Harrington was blinking up at him, eyes big and dark and honestly warmer than Billy had any right to expect. Billy stared down at him. 

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Billy asked while he was still trying to figure out if this was actually happening, or was a particularly vivid dream. Steve snorted.  

“Tanning, obviously,” Steve replied. “Now fuck off,” he added, but there was no edge to his tone at all. Besides, Billy had never in his life fucked off just because Steve Harrington had asked him to, and he wasn’t about to start now. He sat down next to where Steve was lying on a beach towel on the sand in the dark. Steve snorted, like he’d been expecting that all along. 

“Seriously, what are you doing here? And why don’t you look surprised to see me?” Billy asked, because Steve was taking this suspiciously well. He hadn’t looked like a deer in the headlights even once, which was kind of a shame, actually. Steve was cute when he was confused. Steve sighed.

“Robin speaks six languages and can get by in a few more. She was best friends with half of the staff less than a day after we arrived. As far as I know, she’s terrorizing the employee poker game as we speak.” Steve smirked at him. “And apparently the hot new scuba instructor is all anyone wants to talk about.” Billy rolled his eyes. 

“Great,” he muttered. “So you and Buckley are here on vacation?” Steve winced a little. 

“Not exactly,” he said, and Billy had only been back from his own vacation for a day and a half, but he had heard the story. Several times. His eyes widened. 

“Oh no,” he breathed. “You’re the guy whose fiancee left him a month before the wedding.” Steve raised a water bottle that was clearly not full of water and took a long swig. 

“I am indeed,” he said, making a face at the burn of alcohol. 

“That fucking sucks,” Billy said, although he could admit to himself that he was not personally all that disappointed by it. He hesitated, but he was too curious not to ask. “Did she actually—“

“Yes, she actually called me from her bachelorette party to tell me she was leaving me for the stripper. In fact,” Steve said, looking at his watch for some reason, “Diana and her exotic dancer have probably been married for about four days now.” Billy did the math and his eyes widened.

“You let your fiancee use the wedding the two of you planned…to marry someone else?”

“Yes,” Steve said, “but I drew the line at letting them go on the honeymoon. I planned it, so I get to enjoy it.”

“With Robin.”

“Yep,” Steve said with a grin. Then he held up one half of a little gold heart, from where it was hanging on a chain around his neck. “We’re best bitches,” he said.

“I’m sure you are,” Billy said with a laugh. Then he shook his head. “You’re still way too fucking nice. It’s good to know that some things haven’t changed since high school.” Steve shrugged. 

“It was mostly just practical,” he said, flopping back and staring up at the sky. “It was definitely too late to get our deposits back, so when she asked if she could still use the venue and the caterer, it felt dumb to say no.”

“Yeah,” Billy said, nodding sarcastically, “why inconvenience someone who completely fucked you over?” Steve just hummed in response, and Billy watched him watch the sky for a long moment. Eventually, Billy flopped down on his back next to Steve and stared up at the stars. Steve held out the water bottle, and Billy took a long swig. He was a little surprised to taste dark rum. 

“How long have you been in Cancun?” Steve asked. Billy shrugged. 

“A few months.”

“Where were you before that?”

“Grand Cayman,” Billy said, and Steve looked over, eyebrows high. “I go where there are scuba instructor jobs,” he explained. And then he left again, right around the time whoever he was fucking started dropping hints about taking their relationship to the next level. But Steve didn’t need to know that part. Next to him, Steve sighed. 

“That sounds so cool,” he said a little wistfully. And it was. Although it had been a little cooler a couple of years ago, before freedom started to feel just the tiniest bit like loneliness. 

“What about you?” Billy asked. “What have you been up to? Aside from…you know.”

“Getting dumped?” Steve asked. “Well, I also lost my job.”

“Holy shit,” Billy breathed, and Steve actually grinned over at him. 

“Two weeks ago, I showed up to our annual fundraising gala with a dude I picked up at a bar the night before, and we may have done some light pre-partying. My father was not amused, and he told me not to bother coming in anymore.” Billy stared, but Steve’s amusement seemed real. 

“Well, you’re not sobbing into a cocktail that comes in half a coconut on one of the shitty tourist beaches, so you seem to be handling it fairly well,” he said. Steve huffed a laugh. 

“Yeah,” he said. “It’s stupid, because my whole damn life imploded in the last month, and I definitely should have been devastated, but you know what I felt instead?” Billy shook his head. “Relief,” Steve said. “I was relieved when Diana broke it off, and I was maybe even more relieved when my dad told me not to come back to work anymore.” He looked back up at the sky. “Now I just have to figure out what comes next.”

It was stupid—Billy knew it was. He hadn’t seen Steve Harrington in six years, and it wasn’t like they had even really had a chance to become friends before Billy bailed on Hawkins the second the doctors told him he could. But one of Billy’s biggest regrets, one of the missed opportunities he had thought he was going to look back on with disappointment until the day he died, was lying next to him on a beach in Mexico, and he just wasn’t the kind of person who missed an opportunity twice. 

“You could stay here,” he blurted out before he thought too hard about it. Steve choked on a big sip of rum. 

“What?” he asked, once he was sitting up and had the coughing back under control. Billy shrugged. 

“You could stay here,” he said again. 

“Just stay in Mexico,” Steve said skeptically. “And do what?” Billy couldn’t resist. He shot Steve a suggestive smile. 

“The hot new scuba instructor, obviously,” he said. He sat up and leaned in slowly enough to give Steve plenty of time to pull back, or put a hand up to stop him. Steve didn’t do either of those things, and he was just as good a kisser as Billy had always assumed he’d be, based on the stories about him. 

“Well,” said Steve when they broke the kiss to breathe, “it’s good to know that some things have changed since high school.”

“Less than you’d think,” Billy murmured. “Does that mean you’ll stay?”

“Maybe,” Steve said with a grin. “I feel like I should save that decision for when I’ve had a little less rum. Besides, I’m here for another two and a half weeks. I’ve got time to think it over.” Billy grinned and leaned back in for a second kiss. He had never expected to get another shot at Steve Harrington, but now that he had it, he sure as hell wasn’t going to waste it. And with two and a half weeks to work with? Well. He was going to make damn sure that Steve’s best bitch got on that return flight all by herself.  

[yukeri]

[YURI&Co. Headquarters]

THIS PIECE CONTAINS STRONG LANGUAGE AND ARGUING - Starring: Hong Yumin, CEO Na Deokhyun - Synopsis: Yumin, feeling as if she has nothing left to lose, makes one last attempt to save her career. - Year: 2019 - Length: 1,867 w.

Yumin stood in the elevator nervously wringing her white linen top. Just go in and make your demands. Don’t take no for an answer.

A chime signaled she’d reached her destination, and the following robotic voice confirmed it. She could feel the temperature drop as she stepped out of the elevator and into the frozen tundra that is the CEO’s floor. But it didn’t discourage her; it’s no secret that the CEO is very sensitive to warmth and keeps his office floor cool. It also serves as a cheap ploy to subconsciously intimidate any industry adversaries coming to meet with him and make them more susceptible to his coercion, but it won’t work on her. Hong Yumin was on a mission that she had been psyching herself up for over the past several days. Nothing could destroy her resolve.

She strolled up to his secretary. “Hi, Jeongho,” she said as sweetly as she could without cringing, “Is the CEO busy?”

He glanced at the man's schedule; “Uh, not right now,” he said hesitantly, “But he has a meeting in 10 minutes.”

This is your chance.

“Sorry, do you have an appointment? I don’t see one--”

“That’s all the time I need,” Yumin said, strutting right past Jeongho and approaching the CEO’s office. She could hear the secretary’s stuttering protests as she reached the door. She paused for a moment, took a deep breath, and entered the breach.

I did it, she thought as she closed the door behind her. Yumin slowly turned around. She had only seen the eggshell walls and cement flooring of the CEO’s office on two occasions: the day she signed her contract with Tastemaker and about a week ago when TM Girls was disbanded. Such a rush of emotions came over her that she almost forgot why she had committed this career-threatening faux pas in the first place. Flustered, she swallowed her feelings and greeted the CEO politely: “Good afternoon, CEO.”

“Yumin-ah...good afternoon,” the CEO replied curiously, looking up from his thick-rimmed glasses. He glanced at his iPad confirming what he already knew, “According to my schedule, you don’t have an appointment with me.” Yumin stood visibly trembling as he looked her up and down. “So either my secretary just lost his job, or you’ve lost your mind,” he said with a dry chuckle.

Then he stared at her with that look, his eyes fixed upon her and his eyebrows raised. The look was not openly nefarious as he is the CEO and must keep the appearance of approachability even behind closed doors, but to anyone who knew him that look was just as effective as a gorgon's stare.

Just like that, Yumin froze. She felt all that hard-earned conviction drain from her body and immediately realized the grave mistake she had made. Stop freaking out! You got this, Yumin’s inner motivation coach called out trying to preserve the last ounces of confidence she had left. You’re already here; you might as well speak! She opened her mouth, not particularly sure as to whether coherent words or her breakfast would come out, “Yes-- I mean, no. I don’t have a-- er, an appointment.” Alright, looks like we’re getting somewhere. She started regaining her confidence and spoke again with a voice significantly less shaky; “But please, if I could have a moment of your time--”

Suddenly, Yumin heard the subtle tones of the CEO’s phone. She looked down at the cellphone on his desk, then back at him as he pressed the tip of his AirPod. “Hello,” he answered, “Oh, Kyungsoo-ya! How’s filming going?”

Then it hit her: all the emotions she'd swallowed. The years of anxiety facing the possibility that she might never debut; the anger from the relentless hiatuses she had no choice but to endure; the devastation when she was told for the second time that the group she cherished more than anything in the world was no more. They were all festering inside her and had amalgamated into a feeling she rarely experienced: pure rage.

“Are you fucking kidding me,” Yumin thought. The CEO jerked his head up to look at her with an expression of plain shock. Oh, wait...no, she said that. To the CEO.

Before he could utter another word, Yumin’s hand had snatched the phone off his desk and ended the call with whoever was on the line. She clutched the CEO’s phone in her hand as he stared at her in disbelief. Yumin didn’t back down; she stared right back.

“Okay, I’m listening,” he said flatly, breaking the silence.

Yumin took another deep breath and finally spoke her mind, “The only reason I signed a contract with this company was because you guaranteed that I would debut within 6-8 months. That was over two years ago; I--”

The CEO groaned and rolled his eyes as he reclined in his chair, his folded hands on his chest and his eyes fixed on her. Sorry, am I boring you?! I can’t believe this smug bastard...

His phone began to vibrate in her hand, but she swiftly declined the call. “I-- I am tired,” she said in a tone louder than what she had intended. “I’m tired of getting calls from my grandparents asking me to come back home because I have no future here; I’m tired of training trainees half my age that debut before I do; I’m tired of being the oldest trainee I know that isn’t anywhere near a debut; and I’m tired of putting my faith in old men who so easily crush the dreams of young, hardworking trainees because they’ve never had to experience this disappointment in their life.”

The CEO glared at her with his eyebrows furrowed, clearly offended. She decided it would be better to switch up her argument: “Look, when I left JYP...I was devastated. I worked so hard and all I got in return was a cancelled debut. Looking back, I can see that if I had debuted then I would’ve left the group almost immediately. I wasn’t ready; I would’ve been torn to shreds for my lack of ability. But I am a thousand times better than I was all those years ago because of Tastemaker. I was an alright rapper when I got here; now I’m the rap instructor. I can out-rap any trainee under this label, male or female. I was a good dancer before, and now I can out-dance our choreographer-- her words, not mine.”

The CEO chuckled lightly at her claim before she continued, “I have leadership quality, an attractive personality, and great visuals...but what good is having those attributes if no one sees them?” The CEO nodded thoughtfully.

Now we’re here, she thought, the hardest part. She took one final deep breath and gave her ultimatum, “I’ll always be thankful to you...and to Tastemaker for making me better...but if you don’t plan on debuting me, then...then just let me go. This way, we can stop wasting each other’s time.”

There. Yumin had said her piece and now it was time to listen.

The CEO cleared his throat and began to speak: “Wow…how dare you speak to me this way?! You have absolutely no idea why I make the decisions I make, and I will not be told what to do by some little bitch who thinks she’s talented because she can rhyme two words together.” Yumin was speechless; she could see what could’ve been a successful career flashing before her eyes...now it’s all gone. She felt her heart sink as tears welled up in her eyes. “Give me my phone!” He snarled at her, snatching his phone from her extended hands; “By the time I’m done calling every agency and talent scout in my address book, you won’t be able to open a fucking YouTube channel! You’ll have to go back to your grandparents’ and become a turnip farmer, shoveling shit to make a living.” He pulled her contract from his drawer, “You want me to ‘let you go’? So be it.” He pulled out a lighter from his pocket and set it ablaze. Yumin could only watch and cry as her dreams literally went up in smoke. The CEO threw the remnants of her contract in the garbage, “Now get the fuck out of my office,” he hissed, “You’re done.”

But no, he did not say that. In fact, he did not say anything. The CEO simply glared at her without a word and all Yumin could do was glare back. Say something, dammit! She thought. Yell, scream, something.

After what seemed like hours of deafening silence, he finally spoke, “Wow...that was impressive,” he stated flatly while opening his iPad. “Tell me, Yumin, do you remember Moon Yuri?” She was still reeling from the thought of what could’ve happened, but responded, “Uh...yes. Wasn’t he involved in THE FUN FACTORY?”

“Correct,” the CEO replied while checking some emails and notifications, “That call that you declined a few minutes ago? That was him. ” He gestured towards the phone that was still in her hand; she’d almost forgotten she had taken it. “Moon has made a request to establish his own label within the company. I just needed him to confirm some last-minute details.”

Yumin clearly didn’t understand, so the CEO attempted to clarify as he reviewed some charts and graphs, “Yuri is planning to debut a new girl group next year and he’s looking for 6-7 girls to be in it. Tastemaker isn’t planning on debuting any other groups as of right now, so any Tastemaker trainee may audition for him. Whoever is accepted will have their contract transferred to his label. No hassle.” Yumin finally realized what he was saying.

“But-- when is the audition?” “That was one of the details he needed to confirm. I’d say about a month or two?” “And...I can audition?” “I recommended you personally,” he said, making eye contact with her for a moment before taking out a pen and flipping through some important-looking documents. “I was in the middle of drafting a memo with all the details.”

Yumin stared into space, feeling like a complete idiot. If I had just waited a little longer...

“Um, may I have my phone back?” the CEO asked politely, but sternly, “I do have some important calls to make.” Yumin snapped out of her trance and hurriedly rested the CEO’s iPhone on his desk. The CEO continued to split his attention between the graphs on his iPad, the documents on his desk, and now the iPhone which was connecting to no doubt some other big name in the industry.

Yumin didn't know what to say. “CEO...I’m--” The CEO started chatting with someone on the other line. She averted her gaze as she pondered what to do next, eventually deciding to leave. She turned and walked towards the door. “Oh, Yumin-ah,” he innocently called out just as she was about to exit the room. She turned back to him, “Yes, sir?”

“Don’t pull this shit again,” he calmly ordered, “Because next time you won’t be so lucky.”

Slightly unnerved, Yumin nodded in agreement and exited the CEO’s office with another chance. Fourth time’s the charm, I hope.

[itmeansfreeman]

Transcribed from my journal, in case one day it’s lost.

January 1, 2022 | 9:13 pm

It has been an imperfect year, yet so much more. I sit here, possibly with Covid, in my own office room with a candle lit and complete silence. Somewhat uninspired but a very deep hopefulness. A hopefulness not so ambitious, but one that is effortless and trusting.

I haven’t opened this journal (that appears more to have turned into a modge podge of notes) since my birthday. I though I remembered which drawer I left it in, and lo-and-behold, it was there at first look, as if waiting to be found. 

As I’ve gotten “older,” the journaling has become way less. But I’ve always remembered and respected it for the guidance and clarity it has brought me. I recall sitting in my Holmdel bedroom at the formica white desk and a pink-colored candle burning too. I believe 2011 or so. Ten years..

Tonight I beg myself to be thankful and fulfilled and shocked at the place that I am.

This time last year, I was freshly hired by the PD and preparing to set off for the academy. Now I sit in direct view of a giant golden trophy for the Firearms Proficiency Award presented to ‘Recruit Carol So**.’ In the closet I see my near-perfect condition Class A hat with Badge 703 pinned to the front. This year I became a police officer. I am soon going to the Gracie Survival Tactics to become a certified instructor. Jiu jitsu is an officially approved tactic for law enforcement in New Jersey this year. What a time to be alive. Pat wants in on the “study guide” I’ve been putting together. I feel thankful. I am still new, perhaps lost at times. But I know I am able, have potential, am qualified and competent enough to move forward in year 2 at the PD, confidently.

Now I face the thing that has left a hole in me. As of two nights ago, I’m single. I/we should have ended this long ago, or better yet never started. But what helpfulness is a “should have” now? I am here now. There are not many tears left to cry. Just over 2 and a half years and it came down to an ugly breakup. 

After Tony made dinner (running around making multiple grocery trips)... and his famous chicken parm at that.. I fell asleep in the bedroom and woke up to him fully irritated that I fell asleep. And so an exhausting fight ensued, where he ended up calling me a “dumbass.” And I became hateful and “broke out of character,” unless that is my true character. In the end, we yelled and yelled. And for the n-th time in our relationship, I said I was done. I repeated it several times. Admitted that I don’t know why I say “I love you.” And he got my phone for me, challenged me to block his number, and watched me block it in front of him. He looked at me and said, “So we’re done. You’re never gonna see me again? You’re never gonna see me again?” And when I said, “Well probably at the gym,” he said, “Fuck that gym.” He left and I haven’t spoken to him since.

It pains me. I feel like admitting that I don’t know why I love him just confirmed his belief that “I love you” is superficial. But I can’t be his answer, his reason, his pacifier, his stress ball, sex toy, Saint Mary.. I can’t. Today, I pondered what I might say to him if he were to ask if I love him again. And my answer is Yes Tony I love you. But I love me too.

Acne has gotten bad this year and I feel like I’m starting to experience hair loss. Stress is really something I’ve been trying to regulate and I know I feel that low-humming anxiety around Tony. It makes me think of when Brian broke up with me -- how he’d explained it. And how devastated I was. But I’m sure it hurt him too. I think of Brian more often than I’d like, but in that this relationship with Tony feels like the one with him, full circle, and roles flipped.

But such is life. We each can only be responsible for for ourselves and trust God to give us the miracle of being renewed. While I told Tony he needs therapy, I don’t know that I am exempt. I pray that he will be successful, happy, grateful, fulfilled, and in love with his life. I simply want that for me too.

A traumatized part of me wants nothing to do with dating and is tempted to enact some “no dating for a year” rule on myself. But I just will let it be. I will be open to a healthy, meaningful relationship. I won’t create a lifestyle that is so busy that it cannot accept a relationship.

This year I moved out on my own to ** Ko*** St. I love it. A part of me is sad how “overnight” I moved out, mostly for my mother whom I imagine the true empty nest was devastating for. But such is life again, right? And I’m happy I live so close to home. This year, I’ll save $12k for a total of half a down payment on a house. Lucky am I to have found a rental for now that’s 1 year and then month-to-month.

I plan to launch Kopp this year which makes me nervous. But seeing how God blessed (and is the One who inspires) my ideas, I am excited. The Airbnb in 2017 was a junk room. This year, it made my parents over $51k. Kopp can be done. It’ll be one for the books.

27 is the oldest I’ve ever felt, and yes, it’s the oldest I’ve ever been. An inundation of fear or concern has come over me around aging and dying. My aunt passed away in February, Jimmy had stage 3 cancer, Gabby took her life, and Daniel so quickly succumbed to colorectal cancer and passed away too. Between that and being a cop with an average life expectancy of 57, a potential to die every day, and the societal pressure to not wrinkle, have full hair, tight skin, a button nose, and big lips... aging feels scary this year. 

This year, I remind myself that it is a privilege to age. It is universal destiny for all, and every pimple, wrinkle, and hair on your body does not make you ugly as the opposite does not make you genuinely beautiful. This year, I commit to taking steps like sunscreen, some preventative botox, and swapping some products. But I will not become obsessed. I will glow.

Thank you Lord that I am in your hands. Your protect me and create me and make all things possible.

Love, Carol

[a-girl-must-have-a-new-name]

You’re what?! (Part 1)

Arya Stark hadn’t been scared of the unknown in a very long time. Not since she had been trained by her old fencing instructor Syrio Forel, who once told her after a devastating loss from his own hands that “Fear cuts deeper than swords.”  Though Arya wanted to lash out embarrassed over the loss, the sentiment still stuck with her, and from then on Arya pushed through the first bouts of panic and rushed to confront the fear head-on. Unfortunately, this recklessness often caused new sets of problems all of their own.

Like the time she joined a traveling band and hit the road for a few months one summer, Or all of the fights she had put herself into the middle of when she thought someone needed help, or worse when it came time for college and instead of telling her family her plans, Arya simply left a note saying she was invited to study at the House of Black and White and she was taking the opportunity. No one heard from her for years as she trained at the school. Not even Jon. When asked what she learned there Arya kept quiet. The school’s secrets, and the ones Arya acquired while there seemed to remain a mystery.

Even when Arya decided she’d had enough of the school and wanted to return home, she never once felt scared of the reactions she would receive. Was she wary? Yes but definitely not scared. However, standing outside her family’s home. Preparing to tell them the truth, well that scared her.

“Arya we need to tell them”

“I know, and we will but let’s wait a few more weeks. I don’t think the timing is right.”

“Oh come off it, you're just afraid to tell your mother!” Gendry was starting to get annoyed. They had been standing outside of the Stark Manor for fifteen minutes and had yet to make any progress. Arya pulled away from him giving him the meanest glare she could muster, however, Gendry only rolled his eyes not affected by it in the slightest. Huffing Arya turned her head away from him feeling a familiar betrayal of warmth covering her face at the fact that Gendry pinpointed exactly what was making her nervous. Still, she wasn’t going to just admit it.

“I am not! I just know how badly this will go down, besides I haven’t seen you tell your dad the truth!”

It was a lame attempt and both Arya and Gendry knew it. However, she felt like she was clutching at straws here. So she would throw whatever excuse she could out and pray to the old gods that something would stick.

“That is not fair! You know my dad’s got a weak heart. If we tell him he might have a heart attack, we’ve got to let him know gently.” Gendry defended. A look of embarrassment crossing over his face at the thought of his father, who had only just recently come into Gendry’s life in the last few years. Their relationship was far from perfect but it was getting there, slowly. However, this was a big step and one that hadn’t felt earned yet. Robert didn’t need to know right now.  The Starks however did. Still, Arya was grasping.

“Well, we can do it gently for my family too! In fact, why don’t we go on a long trip and send them a postcard letting them know what’s going on? It’ll be fun!” Arya nodded to herself like she was agreeing for the both of them and turned planning on making what she thought would be a calculated stealthy run to her car, unfortunately, an immovable force held her in place.  Letting out a sigh of defeat she turned back toward Gendry who had the nerve to have that stupid grin on his face as he pulled her back closer to him.

“I’ve never seen you act like this.” Gendry laughed. Enjoying seeing Arya be the flustering mess for once.

“Well, there’s a first time for everything, and seeing as to why we are here I think I have every right to be-” Arya hesitated.  

“Scared?” Gendry offered

“No! Just nervous!” Arya snapped defensively her frustration finally settling in on Gendry making him frown his brow furrowing in concern.

“Are you worried they won't be happy?” His voice was quiet now, gentle.

“Just disappointed,” Arya answered absentmindedly picking at the invisible fuzz on her jacket. When she felt Gendry stiffen awkwardly however she looked up and noticed a dark look overcoming him. Realization at what she had said hit her and she hurriedly stepped even closer to him. Naturally without even realizing what he was doing Gendry wrapped his arm around her waist, allowing her in. Arya reached out to gently pull his face down so that Gendry would look at her. Her hand cupping his cheek so that he could not look anywhere but her eyes.

“Oh Gendry no- Not disappointed like that. I meant to say upset with me because I am a coward.”  

“You’ve never been a coward.”

“I am when it comes to things like this. Things that are truly important to me. How long did it take for me to tell you that I liked you?”

“Not nearly as long as it took for me to tell you I liked you,” Gendry answered easily as he leaned into her cupped hand his beard leaving a pleasant scratchy feeling against her skin before he moved his head slightly, titling into her hold to leave a lingering kiss on the palm of her hand. He was smiling again, his eyes filled with a warmth that always drew Arya in. She stared at him, taking a moment to truly look at Gendry.  

That feeling she would get when he would smile and his eyes would crinkle, and it took everything in her power not to trace the lines on his face. Overtook her.  He was a Baratheon through and through, though the only difference was his personality. Luckily it was nothing like his father’s.

Still, Robert’s blood undoubtedly ran through him. His stature, his thick black hair, and his blue eyes were the stuff of romance novels and on more than one occasion (like now for example)  Arya had the feeling that she could look at him for the rest of her life and never tire of it. But that was far too mushy a thing for Arya to say so instead she offered up the next best thing.

“Well aren’t we just a couple of stupid cowards.”  Gendry laughed. Pulling Arya into him once more, hugging her tightly to him. Arya buried her head into his chest enjoying the feel of the vibrations. She let out a content sigh as they stood there huddled together outside her parents' house. Enjoying this rare moment of peace and alone time before the inevitable storm.    

“Well let's not be stupid cowards anymore.”

Arya nodded, taking a deep breath as she pulled away to stand straighter before reaching out to bang on the door. Her hand hesitated only for a moment before Gendry’s hand squeezed hers in encouragement making her resolve. As she hit the door three times and took a slight step back. As she and Gendry stood together in a united front Arya couldn’t help but to imagine her old fencing instructor, the voice of Syrio ringing out in her mind. Like a warning or battle cry.

“Fear cuts deeper than swords.”  

The Stark Manor door swung open.

[popwasabi]

“Who are you?” The scene that defines Chadwick Boseman’s legacy

Yesterday, the world lost a bright and promising, burgeoning talent in Chadwick Boseman.

I had wondered privately for a while if something was wrong with him, as others had as well online, as he appeared increasingly sicker with each interview he gave over the last two years. I thought maybe I had been looking too much into it, not wanting to jump to conclusions about who he was but now gravely we all know why.

The much too young star of films such as “42,” “Marshall,” and of course, “Black Panther” had been fighting a largely private battle with colon cancer for four years.

It was devastating hearing this news yesterday, the man who undeniably left behind a legacy of playing prominent black heroes, both historical and fictional, passed away just as he was starting to truly hit it big. When you begin to realize the man was dealing with cancer as he performed physically demanding roles in the MCU you begin to see the character and determination of a man unwilling to quit in the face of true adversity.

But he clearly wasn’t just doing it for himself when he continued making and promoting NINE more movies despite his diagnosis, afterall no one would’ve blamed the guy for taking it easy these past four years. He’s had many scenes that define his legacy over his all too short career but I feel it can really be summed up in one particular moment from by far his most famous film; “Black Panther.”

Those who know me or have read my work know that I have a fairly cynical relationship with the Marvel Cinematic Universe. While I would not say most of them are “bad” per se, I would say a ton of them are largely interchangeable action comedies with pretty straightforward messages about good vs evil for general audiences. They are largely popcorn escapism and though there is nothing technically wrong with that, I was starved for an MCU film that was sincere about its story finally and had something real to say.

Enter “Black Panther” in early 2018.

“Black Panther” was everything I had long been waiting for in the MCU; a film with a real sense of vision and theme, a killer soundtrack, great supporting characters, a complicated and nuanced villain, and a story that didn’t feel the need to add a joke after every single scene like more typical MCU movies. The tip of that spear of course was Chadwick, who had already proved to be a great Black Panther in one of the few other sincere Marvel flicks “Civil War.” His natural charisma, physicality, and dramatic presence in this role made him a huge standout in frankly the best ensemble cast of any superhero movie ever.

The scene that truly sums up not just the mark “Black Panther” left on Hollywood but Chadwick’s own legacy comes at the very end though (the first of three, of course. It’s an MCU movie, afterall).

T’Challa has defeated his usurper cousin Erik Killmonger, his rule restored in Wakanda but clearly a changed man from the story’s beginning as he reckons with the complicated legacy of his father. He travels to Oakland, the birthplace of Killmonger, with his sister Shuri who he explains the crime committed by their father in this place and how it set off the events of the story. He turns to Shuri, tells her that he has decided to help this afflicted community by creating a Wakandan outreach center for the youth to give them a new hope in life. As he says this he decloaks their ship nearby, surprising the youth already in the area who are immediately in awe of it. One of the kids turns to T’Challa, smiling, a sense of inspiration and intrigue brewing inside, and asks “Who are you?” to which the young King simply smiles, then the credits roll.

It’s a simple scene but it truly speaks to the impact left behind by Chadwick and the importance of representation. 

“Black Panther” is hardly the first starring vehicle for a black man, it’s not even the first black super hero movie but what it made it different is it was the first blockbuster to truly lean unapologetically into its African identity to focus on the inspiration of a story centered around that culture. It showed Hollywood that an action blockbuster not just centered on a black star but centered on African culture had vast widespread appeal.

White kids will never have a shortage of white superheroes to grow up with on the big screen; a diverse palette of Supermans, Spider-mans, Captain Americas, and shit we’re even getting our sixth new Batman actor since 1989 soon. But Chadwick gave black kids their first real Superman of their own. 

In the years since this came out, I have seen the influence, at times, firsthand among the youth. I work part-time as a kids martial arts instructor and each Halloween party we’ve held I’ve seen a few more T’Challas among the costumes represented. When I ask kids, black, white, or Asian, what their favorite superhero is, it always warms my heart to see a kid light up when they say “BLACK PANTHER!”

(Seriously, cute AF)

This goes beyond just my anecdotal observations of course; the film grossed a billion dollars, and there are countless videos online of kids yelling “Wakanda forever!” at the top of their lungs while rocking a Black Panther suit or reciting one of the movie’s memorable lines. It’s beautiful because it speaks to that last scene’s key message; inspiration.

Growing up myself, as a half Asian American, there weren’t a ton of role models who looked like me to take inspiration from. I didn’t really understand how much this could affect me until I finally did start seeing people like myself occupy positions of influence. I didn’t start caring for baseball until I saw a slugger named Hideki Matsui smash a couple dingers in a Yankees’ uniform in the early 2000s. I didn’t care much for martial arts, outside my very early youth, until I witnessed a half Japanese Brazilian named Lyoto Machida KO Thiago Silva at UFC 94 in 2009. I didn’t care much for soccer until a striker named Keisuke Honda played out of his mind in the early rounds of the 2010 FIFA World Cup.

Sometimes you gotta see something happen in order to believe and be inspired by it and it’s easier to visualize it when you see someone who looks like you do it. That’s what representation means and why it’s important.

It’s easy for white America to dismiss the need for representation in media when theirs is so saturated in the culture everyday. Cries of “wHaT aBoUt wHiTe HiStORy mOnTH?!” delivered unironically while their history is proudly given front seat consideration in all forms of media, film, and influence every day. This is why it drives me so crazy when a white person tells me “representation isn’t important” because apparently, they “don’t need it.”

Well motherfucker, of course you don’t need it. You fucking got yours already!

(What every non-white person wants to say when confronted with this tired, out of touch argument...)

“Black Panther” delivered a superhero that not only black children could be proud of and love but someone they could draw inspiration from. Kids are going to want to become film directors cause of this movie, actors, stuntmen, martial artists, scientists, engineers, and so many other different things that the world of Wakanda proudly showcases and it’s all thanks to Chadwick’s leading man performance that made it possible.

Some jokes I’ve heard frequently on the internet is that Chadwick was on somewhat of a quest to play every major black role in story-telling history, what with performances as Jackie Robinson, Thurgood Marshall, James Brown, and of course Black Panther. But I think his 2018 speech at his Alma Mater of Howard really explains why he kept looking to play these major positive black roles.

(I encourage you to listen to the whole thing but the part that’s important here begins at 21:55)

Hollywood likes to pigeon hole certain demographics of people (aka non-white) to play stereotypical roles forever until they are proven to be lucrative in different ways (Qualified Immunity of film-making if you will…). Black people largely could mostly play thugs and drug dealers, Latinx can only be gang bosses and poor servants and gardeners, Asians are either kung fu masters or some other offensive perpetual foreigner. And in worst cases no role at all, instead whitewashed for general audiences (aka white folk). 

Chadwick took a stand that the color of his skin did not define who Hollywood narrowly believed he could perform as and set out to play characters and people who could inspire a new generation of African Americans and show the rest of the country that they were more than a stereotype.

When that young kid in that final scene asks, “Who are you?” and T’Challa smiles its because he knows he’s already changing hearts and minds for the future, just as Chadwick did playing this truly inspirational role.

“Black Panther” is not a perfect movie. I could discuss the ways it could’ve been better and even, less problematic in parts on a different day, but the legacy it leaves behind is one that’s undeniably positive and Chadwick was able to make that a reality. Perhaps he understood that if the world knew his diagnosis it would blunt the impact of “Black Panther’s” release, that if little kids and African Americans alike knew their superhero was already dying it would mar the film’s positivity and influence. I can’t speak for the dead obviously, and in no way am I saying one should just push through a cancer diagnosis and keep it secret, but I can see Chadwick understanding what it would mean for the audience if they just believed for as long as possible that they would have their king of Wakanda forever.

As Robert Downey Jr. said on social media last night “He leveled the playing field while fighting for his life.”

Though I will never know him personally, by most measures Chadwick seemed to be exactly the kind of hero he showed up to be on the big screen and his legacy will ultimately be that of one who looked to inspire others, particularly the next generation until his final breath. If that doesn’t make him a hero, I don’t know what does.

Rest in power, King. Wakanda Forever…

(Via BossLogic)

[yue-muffin]

well, cherry magic was absolutely devastating and yet another example of why i love jdramas: when they set out to do so, they are full of so much heart and understanding of what it means to be human. i have had so many emotional rollercoasters over the years, but the angst is not usually angst for its own sake; there’s a purpose: to paint a tragedy and make you think ah, if only..., or testing the bonds of friends and family to show that what makes us human can just as easily tear us apart as be the cause for us to overcome obstacles in life.

i usually don’t like romances. i avoid them. which is also why i like jdramas. romance-centric ones are clearly marked and indicated in the summary, if a romance appears in a non romantic drama, it doesn’t often take anything away from the plot or characters. in fact, aside from old bl movies, i’ve never watched a single romance jdrama, no matter how highly recommended.

this got LONG so.

two things: 1) im really glad i gave cherry magic a chance. 2) my mind was blown by how far the japanese romance genre has come in terms of depicting same sex relationships. all you have to do is look to the old bl movies i used to watch- even if the characters are respected within their medium, they all end in tragedy.

so, cherry magic along with several other jdramas coming out or that have come out recently, really impressed me. i stepped away from the jdrama world for a while, and im glad that i slipped back in.

so about the whole drama since ive really been talking about the overall genre - it’s so damn good and relatable, to a painful degree. to me, particularly, who has lived a privileged life and moves through the world without too much fuss, it’s that self-sabotage of adachi’s that really hit me hard. you’re your own worst enemy sometimes. and, indeed, his anxiety is also really relatable. how many times do i always think the worst of my performance, when the grades, the instructors’ assessments, my friends and family, all say i didn’t do as bad as i think in my head? or thinking whatever you do, it’s never going to be enough to match so-and-so’s expectations, and if you fail their expectations you fail them and yourself. man, that spiral of his thoughts in the last two episodes was painful but the resolution of which was so cathartic.

(also, i guess i just have to own up to the fact that i do have some sort of anxiety. i never really talk about myself to others, and to my family who i do, they don’t believe anxiety is even a thing beyond a funny feeling in your gut which is like “wow, really”, but a thing i’ve learned to ignore, except this ongoing pandemic situation has really made it rear its ugly head, which i can normally keep in check ok)

but the drama as a whole...it’s so realistic, and positive. it’s a perfect balance. it handles the “typical” bl tropes well, giving a bit of its original manga flair but taking it to a realistic level. like all the classic kabedons! the mind reading bit is actually really helpful here to break those tropes apart a bit by being able to know kurosawa’s thoughts even tho on the outside he’s mostly as suave as ever

and another thing! it’s so...life-affirming. that it’s ok to not know where you’re going even at age 30, to set little goals for yourself, to pursue happiness in your relationships. the way society is these days, there’s so much pressure to be the best and succeed - even to the point, it’s not just good to be happy with what you’re doing, you must be successful by society’s standard (the minato storyline particularly addressed this)

and i, at least, really need that reminder. i love the career im working towards now, but when i was only 21, i was just about having a breakdown every other week bc i was coming to the end of my undergrad studies and didn’t know where i wanted to go next. it felt like ‘if i don’t make the right choice in these 3 months, it’ll ruin the rest of my life or i’ll just never be happy’. that’s so crazy, thinking back.

and another thing: the characters are all so different, but i found a bit of myself in each of them nonetheless. unlike fujisaki, i do want to be in a relationship someday, but i don’t want one now and i would greatly appreciate people in my life to stop pressuring me into one with their well-intentioned comments. i thought at first that kurosawa wasn’t going to be super deep, just a really nice guy in love, but actually his mask of perfection and need to meet others’ expectations as his self-perceived redeeming qualities really hit hard. and adachi, who is like my spirit animal, his anxiety and worries over whether he’s worth a love that seems so good and perfect, running away rather than face the possibility of getting hurt from that interaction. even rokkaku, who acted all energetic and excited at the drinking party but really just wanted to get the heck out of there

the actors were all just. so good. i mentioned this last time, but they got the perfect balance of comedy moments + realistic reactions/nuanced acting that isn’t exaggerated, for the non-comedy moments. they all did a stellar job of selling this drama!

so, the bad thing is that this has set the bar high on modern romance dramas for me, and considering i don’t give them much of a chance in the first place, lol.

[notcanoncompliant]

Make It Better

Starker College!AU; Student!Peter/Professor!Tony (another excuse for me to write the word ‘panties’ repeatedly) (sorry not sorry)

****

Something’s off about Peter. Tony notices as soon as the kid steps into the lecture hall, and it only becomes more obvious as Tony actually gets the presentation going.

His favorite student (sue him, every professor has one) is hardly participating, and though he’s still obviously paying attention throughout, typing notes up as he goes, all of his usual enthusiasm is just…gone. He looks tired, or maybe sad.

Tony doesn’t think about how frequently he’s glancing over to check until Peter looks up and their eyes lock. The younger’s flare just slightly, and Tony feels like he’s been caught doing something he shouldn’t. Especially when a bloom of pink spreads across Peter’s cheeks.

He doesn’t check on him again for the rest of the lecture.

But he worries.

*

After he’s dismissed everyone and the students are filing out of the hall, Tony makes a decision.

“Parker, stay behind for a minute.”

Something in him is too satisfied at the way Peter halts almost immediately at the sound of his voice, stopping hard enough that he rocks forward slightly.

All the times Tony’s pulled Peter aside before this have been exercises in both self-restraint and masochism. The twenty-something is made of sunlight, brightness leaking out of his pores, and watching that split second of supernova excitement burst across his features when Tony tells him to stay is the instructor’s most guilty pleasure.

This time, though, there’s a quick spark, a flash of the light Tony’s (hoping for) familiar with, and then anxiety, and then the kid just looks…flat. Forcibly so. Like he’s hiding something.

The door closes behind the last retreating body, and then it’s just them in the empty lecture hall.

Tony moves to lean against the front of his desk, braces his palms against the wooden edge.

“Alright, kid,” he says, raising one hand to gesture vaguely at Peter, who’s stopped a few feet in front of him, “what’s up? You seemed pretty off today. Distracted.“

Peter winces, his eyes skittering down and away for a second before he looks back at the instructor.

"I’m sorry, Mr. Stark, I–it’s nothing, I didn’t mean to get–I still took notes, I wasn’t just–”

“Okay, Peter, breathe,” Tony soothes, “I’m not trying to berate you. You’re usually a little more active participation-wise, I wanted to check up on you. That’s all.”

He has to fight the urge to physically comfort Peter when those doe eyes (those eyes, those regular, normal eyes that Tony only ever notices as such) go pained and disbelieving and hopeful before the feelings are again poorly shuttered away.

“You don’t have to worry about me, Mr. Stark,” Peter says, smiling unconvincingly while the knuckles on the hand holding his bag strap turn white, “it’s nothing, just–just life stuff. I’ll be–it’ll be fine in a couple days. Tomorrow! Tomorrow, I’ll be fine tomorrow, participating and everything!”

Tony needs to accept defeat and let him go, bad poker face and all, but a not-good-very-bad voice in the back of his mind is muttering to him about the returned blush on Peter’s face. It’s making him think a little too much about the uncharacteristic unwillingness to share.

They’ve talked about things that aren’t related to curriculum in their frequent after-class discussions. Life comes up; they know some basic things about each other–favorite takeout, least favorite movies, places they grew up, etc.–and some things that are maybe not so basic–names of best friends, stories of first pets, how often they visit their parents, and so on.

But this is the first time he’s seen Peter so…flustered.

Thankfully (yes, thankfully) Tony’s conscience prevails and he decides not to push.

“Okay. Alright. But if you ever do need to talk to someone, my door’s always open.”

He gives Peter a quick smile he hopes is as comforting as he means it to be, pushes off the desk and circles back around to his seat. 

He’s proud of himself, he really is, Tony thinks while he blindly shuffles through some papers. Resisted temptation. Kept things on neutral ground. Breached no bound–

“My boyfriend dumped me.”

Tony freezes, his fingers flexing involuntarily. The crinkle of paper is loud in the spacious, empty room.

Okay.

“That’s rough, I’m sorry,” Tony says, suddenly wishing he had something to drink. Water. Juice. Scotch.

He looks up at Peter with what he hopes is more empathy than the inappropriate excitement he’s feeling over the development, but he’s suddenly a lot less concerned with what his own face is doing when he sees Peter’s expression.

The kid’s not even looking at him, just staring off to the side with this heartbreaking shame written across his features.

“I…” Peter’s throat clicks when he swallows, “I told him about something I…like. And he, um…”

Oh, man. Oh, no.

“…he called me a pervert,” Peter says, quietly, “and I know it’s not a big–I mean, the word’s kind of a joke…but, he really meant it, you know? There’s a difference, when someone says it and they really think you’re–” he pauses, frowns tightly. “What I–it’s not even anything bad, not gross or illegal. And I know it’s not, but…for a second…”

Tony’s heart fucking shatters for him. There’s nothing quite like being genuinely kink-shamed for the first time, especially by someone you thought you could trust. For someone as genuinely sweet and kind as Peter, it would be completely implosive. He remembers similar devastation, hates seeing the confused, questioning pain on Peter’s face, the self-doubt.

He resists the compulsion to ask what, exactly, Peter likes.

“I’m sorry. That’s really shitty,” he says instead.

Tony doesn’t typically curse in front of his students (has to keep up appearances of professionalism somehow), and he preens internally when Peter huffs a surprised laugh. It’s a nice moment, both of them wrapped in shared experience (even if one party’s unaware), uplifted by just a hint of levity. Very Chicken Soup for the Secret Kinky Soul–

“Do you–,” Peter starts, blushing slightly, “–can I tell you what it is? It’d be nice to hear it’s, you know, not actually weird?” He’s squirming a little, his eyes dancing away again with nerves.

Tony might actually die. Rolling himself back a bit from the desk, he takes a breath and pastes on his last-ditch effort at an encouraging, platonic, smile. Slouches casually against the backrest of his chair.

“If you feel comfortable sharing, then shoot.”

He’s going for ‘mentorly’, he swears. This is definitely an appropriate conversation to have with his student. Definitely. Yes.

After a beat of silence, Peter shifts. Takes a breath. Swallows.

“I like…um. I like wearing pant–” the kid chokes a little, flushes darker, “I like wearing women’s underwear.”

“Ah,” Tony says. He tries to covertly lace his fingers together over the vicinity of ‘just below his belt’ and only succeeds in drawing Peter’s eye to where his hands have disappeared.

Before Peter’s eyes flip back up to meet his, Tony sees the kid’s tongue peek out to wet his lips in a subconscious motion.

Clearing his throat, Tony brings his hands up from his lap to fold them on the desk, leans forward. Watches the anticipation and uncertainty dance across Peter’s face. Hopes he’s coming off more supportive than interested.

“It’s not weird, Pete. It’s…not. Don’t worry about that.”

It feels hypocritical; essentially telling Peter not to think much of it, when Tony is going to have an impossible time thinking about anything else. He’s trying hard not to think about it right now, trying to avoid imagining clinging lace, or satin, or silk, stretched over Peter’s–

“Can I show you?”

Tony absently approves of the phrasing; that he’s being offered a gift, that this is something Peter wants to give him. The response he knows he should give is something along the lines of 'that’s not appropriate’, but the only one banging around in his head is a resounding YES PLEASE. 

When he gives up and nods in the affirmative, Peter slides his bag off his shoulder.

Tony’s expecting him to pull out his phone, maybe show him some pictures. Apparently, Tony’s going to have to re-examine his take on reality, because Peter does not pull out his phone.

The brunet lowers his bag to the floor and starts taking off his jacket.

Tony’s frozen, again, as the jacket hits the carpet beside the already discarded laptop bag. Frozen, twice in one day. Twice in less than an hour. Peter is a fucking trip. He’s a dream, he’s a hallucination–

–that will be immediately visible if anyone were to open the lecture hall door.

Peter seems to realize it at the same time. He’s across the room in a couple of seconds, reaching for the door handle, pausing for a beat…and locking them in together.

It feels a little like someone snaps their fingers in Tony’s face.

He’s about to let one of his students–his favorite student–basically give him a striptease. In his classroom. It’s beyond 'inappropriate’. This is something Peter should be exploring with other twenty-somethings, not a professor fifteen years his senior–

But…Peter had tried to explore it with someone else, hadn’t he?

“Mr. Stark,” Peter says, suddenly, “Is this okay?”

The younger man’s back in place, like he’d never moved at all, but now he’s shyly lifting the hem of his t-shirt with one hand and undoing the front closure of his jeans with the other, and Tony’s eyes lock onto the peekaboo of fire-engine red now visible beneath the worn denim.

“Yeah, Pete,” he says, voice rasping slightly, “It’s okay.”

Everyone has a breaking point, Tony reasons as he stares at the picture in front of him. There’s only so much he could possibly endure before letting go, and apparently his threshold’s pretty low when it comes to Peter; a few seconds of crepe paper resistance.

He stands slowly, comes around the desk. Peter doesn’t move, just watches him, brittle-sharp hope in his eyes. Tony’s aware he’s moving like Peter’s a frightened animal, and his brain both shies from and reaches towards how this could make him the hunter, more so than the awed observer. Though he is definitely both.

The way the kid’s chest heaves slightly on a sharp inhale, the way his lips part just barely when Tony lowers to his knees in front of him, are just more gifts, more memories Tony wants to etch into his brain and play on loop. He plans on showing just how grateful he is.

Peter’s flushing a lot brighter, but he’s not pulling away; he just pulls the zipper open a little further, revealing more of the delicate pattern that overlays Peter’s pale, smooth skin.

“Can I touch you? Kiss you?” Tony asks, voice rough

Peter gives him a shaky but enthusiastic 'yes, please’.

Tony groans and reaches for him, tugs the denim waistband down a couple inches and pulls Peter gently forward by the hips so he can drag his lips along the line where that softly-defined vee of muscle disappears under the thin lace. Peter’s hand slides into his hair, and Tony hums in approval as he presses drawn out kisses into the skin of Peter’s stomach.

When Tony grabs two generous handfuls of Peter’s ass and squeezes, those tentative, sweet fingers tighten reflexively.

“This is–you look edible, Pete. I’m so lucky you’re letting me see you like this.”

“Yeah?” Peter asks, breathless and wide-eyed when Tony looks up.

“Yes, sweetheart. Beautiful. Gorgeous…” He punctuates each word with another brush of lips to the border of lace and skin. 

He smells lightly musky and male through the delicate fabric, his cock hard and hot underneath.

Shutting his eyes, Tony gets lost in nuzzling at Peter, murmuring sweet nonsense, nipping and kissing and dipping lower, reveling in lightly musky male scent through the delicate fabric. Peter’s cock is hard and hot, and Tony can’t help but lave his tongue over the swollen head, humming when Peter shivers against him.

He pulls back to both attempt to calm down and check on how Peter’s doing; he hadn’t meant to get so worshippy–

When he looks up, he feels like his chest is caving in. Peter’s on the verge of tears, eyes red-rimmed and wet, and Tony pushes to stand.

“God, Pete, I’m sorry–”

He’s cut off with a muffled 'mmph’ when Peter grabs his shirt and yanks him down for a kiss. It’s short and hard and desperate, and when it’s over, Peter pulls away enough that Tony can see the almost-panic on his face.

“I–Mr. Stark, thank you, please don’t apologize, please don’t say it was a mistake, it felt so good, you felt so good, I don’t want to stop, I’ll stop crying, I promise–”

For a second, Tony’s furious with whoever made Peter believe he has to apologize for his tears (wonders if it’s the same dipshit who said no to Peter Parker in fucking panties), but Tony’s anger won’t help anything right now. He reels in his questions, and instead reaches up with one hand to swipe the fresh-fallen tears from Peter’s cheeks, a move that stops the flow of anxious word-vomit.

“If you want more, I want to give you more,” Tony says, using his free arm to wrap Peter’s waist and tug him gently forward. “I want you to have the world, kid.”

It’s too honest–Tony’s being way too honest right now; months of feelings and want trying to break free–but he’s not about to stop. Not when Peter’s staring up at him with heartbreaking, careful hope. 

Lowering his head, Tony presses a kiss to the corner of Peter’s jaw, murmurs his next words into his ear. 

“You’re amazing, Peter. So brilliant. So sweet.” He drops both hands to slide down Peter’s hips and around to the small of his back, slips his fingers just under the lace, drags them back and forth along the soft skin just above the curve of his ass as Peter arches against him with a shaky gasp.“That you look like a wet dream right now is really just a bonus.”

“Mr. Stark…” Peter breathes, surprised, his flush deepening.

Tony’s going to have to tell Peter to use his first name at some point, but he’s a little too selfish to do it right now, when the moniker sends a bolt of liquid heat swooping low in his stomach.

“And you’re going to make a mess in these for me,” he continues, tugging at the panties, “because I want you to feel good. Because you deserve to feel good.”

Peter’s staring up at him with a sweeter version of the supernova Tony loves, tentative hope and anticipation and want.

“Come on, sweetheart,” Tony says, tilting his head down to brush a kiss across Peter’s lips, “let me make you feel good. Let me make it better.”

***

@the-amazing-spidertwink, @starkercrossedlovers