#i haven't been close to my grandma + she brings up a lot of bad memory for my dad which stresses him (and then stresses me) out

[zozo-01]

[kitkatwinchester]

WHAT THE F*CK?!

Oh my GOD there's so much to unpack.

I did that thing where I let it finish out again, and now I have a LOT to talk about, so let's just jump right in, shall we?

Order of events-ish, but mostly POVs.

SCIRAAAAA!! I CANNOT! I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!!

That whole flashback scene with the two of them laying in bed together. First of all, I LOVE what they did with the bookending of the "It's a good plan" line, because that was really well done and a perfect way to transition in and out of that flashback. Second of all, just their entire freaking conversation about how they haven't had time to go on a real date because, ya know, saving the world and all that, but just the wholesomeness of the fact that neither of them have seen a movie in forever and they both want to so bad...god I really hope they get that chance. <3

And then there's the beautiful little kiss and IMMENSE relief when she successfully brings him back (we were cutting that WAY too close, for the record..).

And THEN we get that beautiful ending scene between the two of them, where they're just casually holding hands and sitting there together, staring at each other and supporting each other and being there for each other and just being SO FREAKING CUTE. The fact that Scott is so quick to tell Kira to be with her mother (quick aside, I absolutely loved the small Melissa and Noshiko team-up, and I love that they stuck together and did their best to help and protect each other--we love our moms of the group <3). And THEN, the fact that Scott was able to put together the pieces about the Banshee, and Kira was able to see his train of thought, and they were both able to realize that their plan actually DID tell them something...

AHHHH!! I LOVE THEM!!! SCIRA ALL THE WAY!! <3 <3 <3

...admittedly, I'm also mildly terrified about where Scott's nightmare ended up right before Kira pulled him back, but I also know that Scott would never EVER hurt Liam. ...but I hate the implication of it nonetheless.

BUT SCIRA THOUGH!!! <3 <3

Anyways…

SPEAKING OF BANSHEES...

Well.

Now we know who Lydia got her powers from. And now....we have a new suspect.

The question is, if it is her....where is she, and why is she doing this in the first place?

Also, Natalie said "Meredith Walker" all knowingly and then didn't actually answer that question...she just started talking about Lydia's grandmother (on her dad's side, for the record, which...where is her dad in all this, exactly? We literally haven't seen that man since Season 1.).

And now we know the entire lake house is made of Mountain Ash (did her grandma do that, or did her dad do that? I guess it would've had to have been her grandma, unless her dad lied about locking his mom away in Eichen House in order to protect her secret...), but her mom obviously knows nothing (there goes that theory) and just thinks her grandmother was crazy, so really, we just have more questions than we do answers. However, if anyone can figure them out, it's Lydia Martin. <3

Speaking of figuring things out, Peter is 100% up to SOMETHING, because he obviously sent Kate to find out if Scott was dead, which is suspicious af (as a very quick aside, that moment between Kate and Chris was freaking BEAUTIFUL and I loved everything about it, and as many issues as I have with Kate, that sibling dynamic between her and Chris just SENDS me). He claims he's not The Benefactor, but he's also not on the list, and even though he said "Thank God" in response to Scott being alive...I don't know if I believe him.

Like, okay, the Banshee theory means he probably isn't the actual Benefactor, but I wouldn't be surprised if he was somehow in cahoots with it.

Although...his money was what was stolen, right? So that doesn't really make sense either. But...it also doesn't really make sense that his name isn't anywhere on the Deadpool, so...

Basically what I'm saying is that Peter, per his usual, is clearly manipulating this whole situation in SOME way, and no one should trust him under any circumstances.

Which brings me to Malia.

This girl, omg. I feel sooo bad for her, and the fact that she and her mom got into a fight right before the car crash makes everything a million times worse, and I wish there was something we could do to make that better.

However...I don't know if finding her mother is it, and I REALLY don't know if trusting Peter to help her is it, because Peter is Peter, and who KNOWS what other tricks he has up his sleeve.

What IS it, however, is Stiles (because Stiles is always it lol). I mean, how this boy is still functioning is beyond me, because the amount of things he shoulders and then pushes down is seriously bound to be fatal one of these days, but he does it. He has now watched his best friend practically die twice in the span of a few days, and his girlfriend stormed off and left him, and then all of a sudden, there she was in his room, broken and scared and guilty, and he handled it like a CHAMP.

I love the fact that he was giving her distance and giving her space, uncertain about where they stood, but then he couldn't resist stepping closer to her in his desperate attempt to convince her that she's so much better than she's making herself out to be. But even as he tries his best, Malia is too torn and upset and angry, and she walks out yet again.

But even in all of that, the fact that she came back, that she took the time to come to Stiles, to open up to him, to talk to him...it proves she still trusts him, still loves him, and still cares what he thinks, and even though she's upset and hurting and probably having a major identity crisis with an ever-growing guilt complex, she still came back, because she knows Stiles will be there for her. And that's exactly what he did.

I hope she finds answers, and I kind of also hope that maybe Stiles can help her find them. More than anything, I hope she can learn to forgive herself for what happened, and I REALLY hope Peter doesn't take advantage of her in the process.

Now of COURSE, since I talked about Stiles, and we're at the end of this post, you KNOW I have to over-analyze those itty-bitty Sciles moments. They're small, since Scott was, ya know, "dead" for most of this episode, but you know how I feel about a protective Stiles.

CAN WE JUST TALK ABOUT--

TWO PEOPLE tell Stiles to leave. MULTIPLE times. Chris tells him to run (supposedly so that he can hold her off and Stiles can be safe), and Kate tells him to get out of the way.

And EVERY TIME, Stiles just moves CLOSER to Scott. Chris tells him to leave, and instead, he shifts over, blocking Kate. And then when Kate tells him to leave, he shifts even more, giving that cursory glance to the place where his best friend's body is to make sure that he is truly 100% between her and him, and he DOESN'T MOVE. He stands there, and even though he's clearly scared (bonus points for the joke about the vending machine, AND bonus points for Chris being equally protective of Scott <3), he refuses to back down, because just like always, if you wanna get to Scott, you're gonna have to go through him first. And trust me, he's tougher than he looks.

And of course, you KNOW I have to point out the absolute RELIEF on Stiles's face when Scott does finally wake back up. The sigh, the hand up to his mouth, the turning away...that boy loves his best friend SO MUCH, and he was SO WORRIED, and he was SO RELIEVED when he did come out of it okay. In the heat of the moment, Stiles always puts up that front, and he always makes things seem okay for everyone else's benefit, but whenever Scott is in danger, he will ALWAYS be worried, no matter how hard he tries to hide it, and I love him for that. <3

SCILES ALL THE WAY!!! I HAVE MISSED YOU MY BELOVED!! <3 <3

Ahhhh. It's so good to be back to watching this show.

I probably won't be able to watch more today, but definitely Tuesday, and in general, I'm gonna try really hard to watch at LEAST an episode a day, but...probably more, because there's no way I finish in the next couple of weeks if that's the goal I set for myself lol.

ANYWAYS.

I couldn't find most of the gifs I wanted, but I DID get Scott and Kira, and I found a different Sciles gif, so we're tacking those both on here. XD <3

(I JUST LOVE BOTH OF THESE RELATIONSHIPS SO MUCH!! Scira will forever and always be my Scott OTP, and then Sciles will forever and always be my ultimate brOTP, because LOOK AT THEM!! <3 <3)

[john-peter3]

Day of pray

Terrence Baker, hunter, September 28, 2023. - Terry said to his therapist

Sorry if that sounded robotic - he continued - I don't know how to do this very well. I'm not the most social guy you'll find out there. My father taught me to hunt when I was… 15. I started hunting on my own when I turned 18. That's as much as I would like to share.

Don't worry Terrence, - explained Erica, his first-ever therapist - this is a safe space, and for this to work, might I add, you'll need to be open about why you're here.

I know. -affirmed Terry as he stared into the soul of Erica. even if his intention wasn't to intimidate her, she couldn't help but wonder for a bit if this 6'1 man with huge bags under his eyes and a beard he clearly didn't took care of for some time now wasn't dangerous. The fact that all of his credentials checked out and he had no run-ins with cops calmed her down.

So - said Erica, in an effort to continue the conversation as she noticed Terry was spacing out - what happened in this date you've set?

Well, I.. I… - Terry fumbled. She noticed he was showing signs of fear just at the recollection of what happened

How about you start from… well, the start? - Erica suggested with weak laughter whose only purpose was to brighten the mood a bit. it failed its purpose

Terry then explained: I'm a hunter. but that's part-time. I'm also a butcher on the outskirts of Arkham.

Arkham is a beautiful city - Erica spoke - No luck finding help there?

I can't stand being there anymore. if you would let me continue. - Terry asserted himself without necessity.

Well, go on then.

Ricardo and I butcher animals other hunters bring in. We sell meat to some grandmas too. Particularly one called Rachel. I like Rachel. She likes to talk about her family and politics. She always starts the politics talk with the same points. She's at that age where they start to forget things. Voted for Trump, regretted it, voted for Biden, doesn't know if she can trust him but finds him cute. Shes my best friend. my only other friend is Ricardo. We don't talk a lot outside of work stuff and living situation, although sometimes we talk a bit about politics. Not the usual stuff, more immigration stuff.

One day, Tony walks in, asks me to finish up a black bear, and talks a bit too much for my liking. He said it was a shame how things were going with me. You see doc, I haven't been hunting for a while now, about two years. Things were rough with this corona shit. Business almost went down. Don't know what I'd do if it did

"So, no more hunting from you hum?" he said, "it's a shame really" "Your father really knew how to hunt." he said, "waste." The prick said.

Eventually - Terry continued, looking at Erica's eyes as if he had to assert himself in this sentence - I felt like going for a black bear. And I did. it all went normal, except for when I hit this part of the forest… - Terry hesitated - I don't know how to describe it very well, you'll have to forgive me.

No worries - affirmed Erica

So I found tracks. I followed them. Just the usual: broken twigs, stepped-on leaves, trees he had clawed, and things of that nature.

But when I hit the aforementioned part of the forest I… started to hear something stepping just behind me. when I checked, nothing, and this kept repeating itself. sometimes I would see fellow hunters in the distance with odd clothing as far as I could tell. And I couldn't tell very well as they were behind tree lines. But none came close to me. They were mostly just standing there. So I didn't pay attention to them.

Except for when I noticed they weren't tracking anything at all. They were just staring at me.

Now, I don't know much, but I know when I'm not wanted somewhere, so I decided to leave. wasn't having much luck with the bear either. tracks seemed to just go on and on with no signs of me getting any closer.

Doc I started to feel bad, nervous y'know? Like I had to keep my head down just like when we feel like vomiting. Like my blood pressure was off.

Now I couldn't go back, I had to camp. Didn't feel like I was good enough to walk back alone through a forest to civilization. But that feeling that I was not wanted? Turned to a different, more intense feeling: the feeling of being watched.

It took me a while to realize that was what I was feeling but when I did I didn't feel safe anymore. You see Doc. I know how to track, I know how animals behave when they realize they're being followed and for as much as I didn't want to I was acting just like them. I was scared, but it was too much: the sudden unwellness, the feeling something was wrong, and to top it off, this, taste… weird taste hit my mouth. It reminded me of blood. so I just got partially into my sleeping bag and held my rifle up close.

And then it happened: I heard a loud growl, and what seemed like hundreds of footsteps in my direction. I didn't recognize to what creature that growl belonged to. It was a weird one.

I shot at the air above me, maybe the noise would scare them. It didn't. So I ran.

I ran very fast never letting go of my rifle and.. and… and the damned things seemed as if they were one step behind me. I think I heard laughter?

during this monologue, Erica tried to interject many times in order to help him express himself or understand what was happening to him at that time but he would not let her so much as make a sound. He was frantic.

Doc, this is gonna sound like I'm lying, or at least hallucinating, since there aren't many of those in this region but I ran into a cliff. A huge one. I couldn't stop, I wasn't crazy, I wasn't gonna jump off a cliff, but they were right behind me, even though it seemed as if I had gained a bit of space. So I turned around and tried to aim at whatever it was and doc… it was…

Terry then stopped talking suddenly, as if the words didn't want to come out anymore.

Erica tried again to help him by saying: whatever description you can come up with will help a lot, try not to be so exact.

Terry then spoke loudly, as if it was right in front of him:

It was a bunch of shadows…doc. it was like the night had come in an instant and I could barely see all the legs and arms coming at me. they were as if they all shared one massive horizontal body… and the faces… moving back and forth either too happy or too upset.

I don't know what came over me. but I jumped. it was either that or whatever these people were going to do to me.

as I fell, I would close my eyes and wish with all my strength that the laughter stopped and I got back to the cliff.

I lost all my strength as I fell, doc. when I opened my eyes again I would immediately shut them again.

and then I finally hit something. I remember at this one time that I opened my eyes I saw this… structure that seemed to expand from one point down but I didn't see the rest of the shape, it was made out of stone and it was covered in moss and I was falling right in a hole on top of it.

I don't know what I hit, but it didn't break anything, right after that I hit my head.

I don't know for how long I was out but when I woke up I felt like I had just left hell.

I cried and drooled during my unconsciousness.

I felt phantom pains all over my body. just sensations that those body parts had been twisted and tortured and that my blood had been forced out and shot back in with enough strength to pierce bone.

To be honest, doc: I don't know why this description popped into my head. But the more I think of it the more i… recall? it is as if I can smell the memory but not see it.

What helped me slightly to remember was looking up and seeing that the hole I fell into had its interior walls infested with flesh. sometimes I could distinguish a body part going through another but the only thing my damn memory won't let go of was a faceless mouth in that sea of flesh. so twisted from the pain… its muscles seemed to be at their limits but still, just like the rest of it, it was static.

The silence was deafening doc, the whole place was dark and I was completely shocked. I wandered through it but it was almost pitch black. my head hurt so much and I think I saw and felt the very darkness move around me at times, like water on the beach, resisting your movement by going in the opposite direction but this felt more like a cocoon forming around me, trying to make me stay put.

I heard voices but I couldn't understand what they were saying, and I didn't want to, I just wanted to get the fuck out of there.

At this point, Terry didn't realize it, but he was crying.

I was never scared like that, sometimes when I hit a wall I would lean against it, to rest a bit, but I would feel like I was merging with it so I couldn't even rest.

Eventually, I found my way out. but I don't know for how long I was there, but when I descended those huge stairs I didn't even turn back to look at the god-forsaken place, I just ran.

3 days later I was found in a catatonic state at the edge of the forest. The doctors said it looked like I was fighting against a terrible disease but they couldn't detect anything and it went away suddenly and After another week I was let go. I left Arkham and haven't come back since.

Terry then, in tears, asked: what do you make of this doc?

[jademakean]

𝐒𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐲 𝐍𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭

Timothée Chalamet x Reader

𝑷𝒂𝒖𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒆 𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒍𝒂𝒎𝒆𝒕 𝒊𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒓 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔.

｡･:*:･ﾟ

  Drizzles of water began coating your body as you rushed to your best friend's porch, hurriedly knocking on the wooden door.

The extra holiday break from school allowed you to spend more time with Pauline, meaning: chaotic sleepovers

“Hello?”

You looked up meeting a pair of green eyes you hadn't seen in a long while. “Timothée?”

Once the slender figure came to the realization of who was waiting at his front step, his mouth went agape mirroring yours.

You both had been close since you were little. You became friends with Pauline in middle school and met Timothée through her. From then on you were a trio and would do everything together, but that all changed.

Him, being three years older than you meant that he'd go to college first and in the end, there would simply not be any time for you both to be together. You did try to hang out once every two weeks but his college was way too far and he needed to spend his time focussing on his studies. It ended in a bad note, with many hurtful words shared.

Before you knew it, Timothée had you in bone-crushing embrace  “I haven't seen you in months, more than a year maybe! God, I missed you.”

“Why didn't you tell me you came back?” you couldn't hide the slight disappointment of him not thinking about letting you know. “I wanted to but I switched phone numbers and my sister wanted me to surprise you instead. I just didn't know I was going to see you this soon.”

Though you both shared your relief in seeing each, there was some strange tension in the air.

“I gotta visit my aunt right now but we should celebrate tomorrow or something.” He suggested, breaking the silence.

“Yeah totally. I'm sleeping over anyways so we'll probably see each other after dinner. Just be careful, the weather seems to be getting worse.”

“Oh yeah of course. If you need some clothes you can get some from my room, they're in a box on my bed. I know that Pauline's clothes are too small for any human being to wear.”

You giggled at his over-exaggeration nodding “Thanks. Stay safe.”

Once the door shut you felt your mood change. It's not like you weren't happy to see him, you were, but not being able to have the same connection you once had made your heartache.

“DJ Paulina in the house mother fuckers!”

You jumped at your best friend's sudden outburst but laughed nevertheless.

“Holy shit, you're wetter than the pacific ocean!”

You roller your eyes “Really? Damn, I wonder why. It's alright though, Timothée allowed me to borrow one of his shirts.”

“Wait you already saw Timothée?”

“Yeah, he just left.”

Paulina grimaced slightly knowing how hard it might've been for two introverts to reunite after a long period of time, let alone after they had a fight last time they were together. She quickly changed the subject not wanting to upset you.

That didn't mean she wouldn't plan on rebuilding your bond.

۵

The snaps of thunder kept you awake and the heavy drops of rain overtook your mind.

As the time pasted you began wondering what would happen if there was a monster under your bed, if a ghost yanked you by your leg, or if the shadow of the hanging coat was actually a person.

Full-on scaring yourself.

And Pauline's sleep talking was not helping the situation.

Both of you spent the day baking, eating and watching movies. Though it's not how most teenagers take up the opportunity of an empty house, it was more than enough for you two.

What was irritating you at this precise moment was the fact that you were exhausted during the day and still are, except you, can't bring yourself to actually fall asleep.

Creaking sounds were heard throughout the room as your feet made contact with the wooden floor.

You grumbled making your way to the kitchen for a cup of fresh cold water.

The bright electronic clock on the stove displayed the time. 2:23 A.M.

You were so dazed and distracted by the clock that before you could fill your glass with water, the cup fell on the counter.

You felt your heart stop the second the loud sound emitted throughout the quiet space, fearing you'd break your best friend's parent's glass. But once you realized that everything was still stable, you proceeded to finish your plan.

“What are you doing still awake?”

Your body jumped at those words. You turned to see Timothée with hooded eyes and slumped figure, clearly more than half asleep.

“Sorry, I'm a light sleeper and the thunder was keeping me awake.”

“Do you want to sleep with me?”

He smiled softly with a droopy gaze

Not gonna lie, initially some inappropriate thoughts crossed your mind, but vanished once you remembered how every time you had trouble falling asleep, you'd get in his bed and he'd make conversation until you fell asleep.

“Sure.”

Timothée was probably too out of it to understand why it had taken you so look to answer, which you were grateful for.

He lazily intertwined your fingers and led you to his room.

It looked the same as before, maybe some items we're missing so he'd be able to decorate his new apartment, but other than that, still the same.

You hesitantly laid down turning your body away from the curly-headed boy. You felt yourself heating up as last time you shared a bed you were a quite innocent 15-year-old, and to be fair you've always seen him as a bother figure.

But two years have passed and he was now 20, it felt like being with a stranger even though he wasn't.

“You alright?”

He mumbled quietly

“Can I ask you something?”

“Go ahead.” You chewed your lip anxiously. You've never been good at confronting people.

“Is there a reason why you got mad at me when you left. All I remember was you telling me how we couldn't be friends because of all the work you had and how you couldn't handle too many things at the same time. But in the end, you suddenly got mad at me and it ended in a huge fight.”

You could tell that Timothée was now fully awake, definitely not expecting you to mention the topic at this time of night.

“Well, in all honestly I knew you wouldn't want to give up on our friendship. I've always seen you as a loyal strong friend and I didn't want to disappoint you by continuously bailing out on our plans.”

Thought his solution was a stupid one, you understood what he meant. You would most definitely get let down many times and eventually get mad at him, even if it wasn't fully his fault.

“I understand. Just-- Just don't do that again. I'd rather have a relationship with you even if we rarely saw each other, instead of not seeing you at all. I miss being with you.”

Timothée's heavy arm hugged you closer to him. So close you could feel his gentle heartbeat against your back.

“I'm not as much of a mess I was back in the first year of college. I have more spare time, even if college is too far we can face time and meet once a month.”

It was nice to witness his change in attitude regarding the situation, he's now more open-minded and optimistic.

“Is that why you seemed so tense when you saw me today?”

You suddenly felt yourself redden from slight embarrassment “I mean yeah. I kinda overreact a lot, but you know that. I didn't even recognize you, you've changed and I didn't know how to feel.”

You felt chest shake from a deep chuckle as you played with his fingers “Is that a good thing?”

He was making you flustered and he knew it.

“I mean, yeah. You look mature for a 20-year-old. When you were 18 you still had your baby face- it's not a bad thing at all, but now you, um, okay I'm just going to stop talking.”

Once again, Timothée's body shook slightly from his laughter which eventually died down.

There was silence once again, the downpour was hitting the window aggressively but managed to make you feel calm. The heat that radiated from the man's body was wrapping you in a warm blanket, his cold breath tickling your neck.

“How do you see me?

The silence was halted by your simple question “What do you mean?” his raspy voice asked, not understanding the question very well.

“Before you said that you saw me as a loyal friend. How do you see me now?”

Timothée turned your body to face him “Well, you've changed as well. You don't look like a little kid anymore.”

You hummed in response staring into his eyes. The moonlight was shining through the window behind Timothée, illuminating his hair, making it look as though he was wearing a halo around his head.

“Has anything interesting happened while I was gone? House renovations, dead grandma, boyfriends..?”

You had to cover your mouth from bursting out laughing “How the hell do you go from dead grandma to boyfriends?”

The boy shrugged his shoulders waiting for an answer “I had a boyfriend for a little while but it didn't work out.”

Timothée nodded for you to keep going

“He treated me differently when we were around his friends, kinda like he didn't want me. We would get into a lot of arguments and I just wasn't happy. So I ended it.”

He took your hand caressing it carefully with his thumb. You knew he was trying to make you feel better though you weren't actually sad about the breakup. You decided not to say anything against it since his action-filled your heart with butterflies.

“He's an asshole for doing that.”

“Yeah well, most of them are.”

There was a small pause in the air before Timothée spoke up again

“I wouldn't do that to you.”

You were taken aback from his sudden confession. You expected him to joke around about some dumb stereotypes.

“If you were my boyfriend, or just in general?” you asked genuinely curious to which he answered:

“Both.”

You being the anxious human being you are, decided to play it off as a joke. Like always.

“Yeah right, you would never date me, you might as well be one of those extra frat boys that-”

“Why would you assume I wouldn't date you.”

You were becoming more and more agitated, not fully grasping the meaning of his words, and why he was now saying it.

“I've always adored you. The reason why I never said anything is because I'm three years older than you and didn't want to make you uncomfortable.”

“Why are you saying this now?” You shuttered out as he moved closer to your body.

“I didn't realize how much I loved you until we separated. Now I'm realizing how much time I wasted.”

Timothée began breathing heavily, his eyes focusing on the different features your face held.

“Would you date me now?”

He nodded, not trusting his voice to speak. “Even if we wouldn't see each other often?”

He nodded once again, this time speaking “I haven't seen you in two years and I still have feelings for you, they won't go away even if I tried.”

Timothée let his fingers gently brush against your lips studying them thoroughly making your mind hazy.

You were so focussed on each other that the background noise was now muffled.

Your mouths were agape wanting one thing and one thing only.

“Can I kiss you?”

He whispered breathlessly. If he wasn't studying you so closely he would have missed your little nod.

But he didn't miss it.

The second the small gesture was caught, was the second his lips made contact with yours.

The kiss was heated and desperate, your eyebrows furrowed hopelessly from the connection. Tongues soon intertwining as Timothée held himself on top of you for better control of the situation. Not giving you room to escape.

You sighed through your nose not being able to break from the kiss, not wanting to break from the kiss.

His front pressed flush against yours, allowing his hands to travel all over your body with no hesitation.

You mumbled Timothée's name against his lips before you broke apart. “Did I go too far?”

You smiled at his worried state “No, I loved every second of it.”

He copied your smile resting his forehead on yours “Sorry, I could help myself.”

He laid on his back before you cuddled to his side, leg wrapped with his and head resting on his shoulder.

Timothée observed your crimson cheeks and swollen lips. He wanted to tease you about it but he knew damn well that he looked the exact same.

Sleep eventually took over you. The soothing sound of the storm was the last thing you heard, and the motion of Timothée's chest calmly rising and falling was the last thing you felt.

[tortilla-of-courage]

Describing it as being like home is actually pretty accurate yeah.

And YES! I am totally willing to talk about my modern AU.

I've been calling it the Adoption AU because Time ends up adopting all of the boys. It mostly started as, I saw an edit for a tweet someone did with Wars and Wild that involved Taco Bell (cannot remember the blog or post for the life of me though), and so I wrote a thing about Warriors sneaking out of his university dorm to pick up Wild, who snuck out the window despite his broken arm, and then got extorted by Legend in exchange for silence at 3am.

This was followed by a fic where Groose decided spray painting a public building was a good idea and got himself and Sky arrested, set earlier in the timeline.

So then I made a timeline. Twilight is Time and Malon's biological son, and he found Wild on the side of the road one day (Wild's backstory involves a bad car wreck and an underground hospital, but no conspiracy bullshit. Yet). Wild has no memory, so they keep him. Wild brings home Legend, who was told his uncle died at school before a holiday. They then also keep Legend. Malon finds Four in her barn one morning for complicated reasons, and they keep him too. Twilight finds Warriors, who is in his class, hiding in an alley one day after he ran away from an abusive home and brings him home too. SS Impa (who I've nicknamed Shield because there are enough prominent Impas here that they should get nicknames too) is a social worker who's trying to find Sky a home and has run out of options, and turns to Time, who has a record of successfully housing 'unhousable' youths, and asks if he can take one more. He can. Wild finds Hyrule and brings him home because 'Rule needs a shower even more than Wild does. Hyrule stays. Wind's grandma ends up with Wind and his sister but can't financially take care of both and so Wind ends up with the boys and everyone is +1 Grandma.

Twilight has a fic detailing how he knows Midna and Dusk and I ended up shooting him (oops) but at least their social project gets handed in on time.

Then I started hashing out Time's backstory and suddenly this AU had plot. And organized crime. And a conspiracy. And secret societies.

The summarized version is that the gems from OoT are like, Idk what they do yet. Haven't gotten to a point where I need to figure that out yet. But they are Important and have to be carefully guarded. The Great Deku Tree (just called Deku because he's not a tree here) was Time's foster father before Ganondorf killed him. Also, Ganondorf is Deku's half brother. Because. However Time 'stole' the Emerald and he and Navi ran until OoT Impa (Sage) and Lullaby found them. So Time got adopted into Lullaby's family. Ruto inherited the Sapphire from her mother who also died from mysterious circumstances, and Darunia has the Ruby. Lullaby got the Ocarina from her late paternal grandmother.

Then Ganon finds them and tries to steal the Emerald from Time, so Lullaby goes looking for help and thus finds the sages. Saria is an anonymous hacker who uses the screen name 'Kokiri'. Time reveals he didn't steal the Emerald, he was Deku's heir, and then Navi goes missing. Time is home worried enough that he's physically sick, and Ganon decides to try and attack the home. Only Lullaby's family is Olde Money, and they live in a big, old manor, so Lullaby as Sheik decides to play 'Home Alone' with the secret passages in the walls and they piss off Ganon because when did that brat get a sheikah bodyguard??? Sage and Rottla (Lullaby's mother, who is fully sheikah as well) rush home from a thing and Kokiri is running a play by play watching the security cameras.

I pull in my headcanon that Time was killed in the Downfall Timeline by getting impaled on Ganon's tusk and Ganondorf stabs him with the tusk of a mounted boar head and then Sheik shows up to protect his brother, and then Mama gets home and is not happy to find this man in her home attacking her kids. Time is fine, but Navi stays missing. (She's alive tho.)

Also, Time's foster dad was the last leader of a secret society known as The Order of The Lost Woods, and Time learns this upon meeting Tatl, who gets him sucked into another event that would probably make a good action movie. I have thought too much about the Order and it's hierarchy, but what's important here is that Time ends up with a standing job offer and Tatl and he remain friends and we find out how I fit FD into this AU. It's not pretty. This is where Time loses his eye too.

The AoC came out and I added that Link in as Wild's twin brother and he shows up during the main plot.

Which starts with Twi getting kidnapped. (I'm not really meaner to him than the others, I swear, he's just the most logical choice to be Time's heir. Which he is. He doesn't know this though.)

So he's kidnapped by Ganondorf, who broke out of jail, Zant, who shot Twi in highschool, and Ghirahim, who has some history with Sky I haven't fleshed out yet and a very public rivalry with Warriors over twitter. About six weeks later Sage finds him in an abandoned warehouse (because of course) with a shackle on his left arm and a lot of new injuries. He ends up fine, but he tells Time later in the hospital what happened and he's both message and messenger and Time is this close to just committing murder. Tatl talks him down.

Somewhere here is the half finished fic where I introduce AoC Link as Luke/Knight, and this is as far as I've plotted thus far.

Other tidbits: Wild and Lullaby/Sheik are both genderfluid, Lullaby/Sheik married Ruto, Wild has a very popular YouTube channel, Twi does drag racing sometimes, Sky has a pet bird, Four has DID to explain how the Colours are here too, and Wolfie exists in the form of a random wolf-dog Wild found and brought home that Legend somehow convinced half the family was Twilight. Also, Warriors has somehow befriended an entire sorority and he doesn't know how this happened.

This... got long. As you can see I have a lot of thoughts about the Adoption AU. It's gotten a bit away from me, I'll admit. This went from 'Wild does stunts on his motorbike and keeps breaking bones but somehow not the bike' to 'Twilight got kidnapped and Time is the target of a mafia that Ganon runs and also maybe killed a man once' and I don't know how that happened. Also, this is the condensed version of the summary. My actual summary/outline is much, much longer than this. So if there's any detail you want more on, feel free to say so and I'll happily go into more detail (there are so many things I didn't even mention....)

And yes, Robbie having a bong is very important to my best friend, for some reason. He has one in a modern AU and he probably invented one in canon. I happen to agree that this makes sense for his character, if anyone would invent a bong in LoZ it's Robbie (this is such an anticlimactic end to this ask after the stuff about the modern AU...)

Also, sorry for the long ass ask. I genuinely don't know how to condense the Adoption Au down any further. There's a lot of important plot beats to cover, and I still skipped things.

-Attllhak

oh my GOD???? if you ever write and post this somewhere id love to read it, the level of "crazy" conspiracy/action movie elements implemented sound sosososo cool, from Ganondorf being Deku's half brother to trying to "send a message" via Twi and- just- all of this is SO good.i sat here and reread this ask like 3 times as if that would magically spawn more info about it ahaha

there's so much to unpack here but it's honestly so worth it i love every single detail!!! i can imagine the actual outline being way longer, nad honestly that just makes me the more excited/curious about all that might be missing from this ask - i cant believe it started with Wild and Wars going to Taco Bell of all things

also i can totally see Robbie making a bong, no matter the setting or AU. fits him a lot I'd say

and dont worry about long asks!! i adore opening up my askbox to see one ask take over the entire thing, it makes me really happy aha

[babeyvenus]

The Wolf Among Us

Bigby x OC

Summary: Sonya Blaze, A.K.A. Hell Rider, is a half fable, half mundy girl who comes to Fabletown to learn more about her side of the folktales. She works alongside Sheriff Bigby Wolf as his newest partner and together they strive to find out who's behind the unexpected murders in Fabletown.

TW: Mentions of death, gore/blood, alcohol, smoking, drugs, sex implications, suicide, guns and ofc language.

A/N: just a little filler for now.

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Chapter 19: Off Day

As they arrived, Bigby looked around, taking in the new sights. He hadn't been on this side of New York, considering he never bothered to interact with the mundane side of the city.

Sonya parked and took off her helmet, sighing as she looked up at her previous home. "Home sweet home...", she muttered as Bigby got off and dug into his pocket. "You need some time with that?", she asked teasingly.

He gave her an unamused look and lit his Huff n' Puff. He took a long drag, enough for big puffs of smoke to exit his nose before he drops the cigarette and smushes it under his foot. "Let's go.", Sonya says and leads him up to the house.

She pulled out the keys and opened the door, looking around to see a living room and smiled widely. "Pico!" She grins at the sight of a light orange fluff whose head pops up in attention.

Bigby looked over her shoulder to see a Shiba inu running toward her. Sonya kneels down and picks the excited dog up, whining and barking happily.

She set her bag on the couch and sat on the floor with the dog, Bigby followed behind and stood awkwardly in the middle of the living room. "You can sit down, y'know...", she says, making him scratch his head and sit down next to her on the couch.

Pico looks over at Bigby and growls lowly. Bigby frowns. "Easy, boy.", Sonya warns. Bigby snapped his attention to her. "I hope you're not talking to me."

Sonya chuckles and shakes her head as she pets Pico. He looks up to hear something walking downstairs and runs over to the sound.

They looked up to see a shorter woman who sleepily walked down the stairs and looked at them in surprise. She looked like Sonya, or rather a slightly older version of her. Her skin was a bit darker than Sonya's, her eyes almost a dark honey color. They seemed to light up when they caught onto Sonya's smile.

"Hi, ma.", Sonya greets, getting up. The older woman rushed to her daughter, bringing her in a tight hug. Sonya hugs her back, swaying back and forth before her mom cups her face to examine her. "Where have you been? You're a mess!"

She glanced at Bigby. "Who's he?" Sonya looked at Bigby with a smile before looking back at her mom. "Mama, you remember the place Dad kept talking about?", she asked. Her mom nodded. "Well, this is Bigby Wolf. He's practically the protector of Fabletown. and he's my... boss."

Bigby stood to shake her hand. "It's nice to meet you." Her mom smiled. "You too, I'm Theresa. I hope she hasn't been giving you any trouble."

He rubbed behind his neck. "It's actually the opposite…" Sonya rolled her eyes. "We've been through a lot."

Theresa frowns at her. "Is that why you couldn't update me on anything?" Sonya nods. She glances at Bigby, "Can I tell her?" Bigby thought for a moment before sighing. "I don't see why not. She already knows about us."

"You can tell me after we do something with this head of yours. I can't believe you let it get this bad!", Theresa complained, giving Sonya's arm a slap. Sonya frowns. "I haven't exactly had time to groom myself, Ma."

Bigby waited as Sonya was pulled away to get her hair washed. He looked at the dog who stared back at him. Be rolled his eyes but raised an eyebrow as the dog walked over to him and sat by his feet.

Bigby looked to his left to see a photo set on top of a lamp table beside the couch. He examined it to see a younger version of Sonya, Theresa and a man and a baby he didn't know. He assumed the man had to be her dad. "She looks so happy...", he muttered.

His attention snapped to his right as he saw Sonya walk out of the kitchen with a towel draped over head. She pulled the towel off to reveal her shorter, wet, coiled hair, some curls stuck to her face, some dripped onto the towel.

She gave him a sleepy look as he looked back at her in curiosity. "Did you cut it?", he asked. She looked at him with confused eyes and shook her head. "Of course not. Water just makes my hair shorter.", she says, picking Pico up and sat down by Bigby's feet. She pulled Pico into her lap and rubbed his back and his head.

Theresa comes into the living room with a small container of grease and a blow-dryer. Sonya glanced at Bigby. "If you can't take the noise, you might wanna cover your ears."

Theresa looks at him. "You have sensitive ears?", she asked. "You could say that.", he replies. "You still haven't caught onto what fable he is, Ma?", Sonya asks.

Theresa thought about it for a moment, and shook her head. "I'm not sure." Sonya chuckles. "It's in his name."

Theresa looks at Bigby for a moment before her eyes widen in realization. "You're the big bad wolf??"

He nodded, rubbing behind his neck again. "I wouldn't have thought so. I thought you would've looked a little more... hairy.", she says. "And maybe a little meaner."

He smiled awkwardly. "Yeah...I'm trying my best not to be as monstrous as I was before."

"They made him sheriff but still treat him like trash.", Sonya deadpans. Theresa frowns, while she starts to apply the grease to her daughter's head. "Sometimes people don't wanna see the change in someone because they're so stuck in the past. The best thing you can do is move on.", Theresa says.

Sonya nods in agreement. "I gave up trying to be everyone's friend. Realized not everyone deserved my kindness and just stuck with whoever accepted me for who I was rather than someone I wasn't."

Bigby took in their words and frowned a bit. He hated that they were right. He did care about what other fables thought of him, simply because he was trying to change.

It didn't help much that they kept bringing up his past in the Homelands. It wasn't fair. But he supposed he didn't deserve a better life like everyone else. No one else went around eating pigs and grandmas.

Sonya noticed his silence and tapped his foot in reassurance. RIght after, Theresa started blowing out Sonya’s hair, the sound making Pico rush up and run to his bed and Bigby wince a bit before he started to get used to it.

Moments later, Sonya started to fall asleep and Bigby took note of that. He didn’t understand how she could fall asleep with something so loud in her ears. “I don’t know what you guys went through, but y’all must’ve been working hard.”, Theresa says.

“We did solve two murders…”, he says, making her turn to him in shock. “What happened?”, she asked. He explained what happened, gently informing her about her daughter being targeted as she silently listened and did her daughter’s hair.

“She protected me… a lot more than I can say anyone has done… She’s got guts.”, he says. Theresa finally finishes, now aware of Sonya’s soft snores. “She gets her impulsiveness from her daddy. I think that’s why she got her powers. She just accepted without thinking. Expected me to just be okay with that.”

Bigby glanced at Sonya’s sleeping state. “When she rushed in to save me...she told me she panicked. She didn’t have to, but she did. I’m grateful.”

Theresa gave him a smile. “She does that a lot. Always has to play the hero. I kinda expected that out of her brother but I think he admires her for that. He didn’t get to know his dad very much… so she stepped in.”

‘That’s why she said that about T.J….’, he thought. “I think she did a good job.”, he says. Theresa appreciated him. “Me too. She took on the role all by herself. She knew nothing about being a boy, but helped him whenever I couldn’t. Sometimes I hated it and I felt helpless that she seemed so independent at such a young age.”, she frowned softly. “It hurt. Made me feel like I wasn’t doing a good job as a mother. But she always reminded me that it wasn’t my fault.”

“She does her best at everything. She can be lazy but if its something really important, especially as important as what y’all went through, she won’t stop. She’ll overwork herself until she passes out.”, she says, looking at him. He nods. “I kept telling her she could take a break. She only took a nap when we were almost close to finishing up, we just got some food last night too.”, he confessed.

Theresa sighed. “I hate that she does that. She’s gonna die quicker if she doesn’t take better care of herself.”, she says, fluffing Sonya's hair. She smiles. “She hasn't been taking care of her hair, but it got longer…”, she mutters.

She frowns again. “She’s probably gonna be out for a while.”, she turns to him. “If you can get her up to her room, that’d be helpful. I’ll cook y’all some food while y’all are here.”, she smiles. “I haven’t had to cook that much in a while.”

He nods as Theresa gets up to go wash her hands and starts on food.

Bigby leans down a bit to gently shake Sonya awake. She mumbles, frowning in her sleep and relaxes her face. He shakes her again, getting no response. He sighs and picks her up, with Pico following behind him as he carries her up the stairs and is met with a divided hallway.

There was one room on the left of the hallway that had easy access to the stairs, and another door to the farther part of the hallway.

He went to the right side of the hallway and noticed a hanging nametag on a door that had Sonya's name and he walked up to it.

He entered the room, his nose being hit with her potent scent. He was almost sure if she went missing, he could find her.

He looked around her room to see a XL twin bed covered in black and gray sheets. She had a purple rug under her bed that seemed untouched and fluffed. An empty desk with just a monitor on top and a black desk chair, and a purple dresser that blocked her window and seemed to be a bit dusty.

He saw a full body mirror that had small polaroids taped onto it, and his curiosity spiked. He looked around at some posters she had on the walls, snorting at some of them before he gently laid her down. Pico struggles to get into her bed before he finally does and snuggles up to her.

Bigby smiled a bit and continued to look around her room and sits down in the chair. He squeaked a bit from under his weight as he leaned back a bit. It was a lot more comfortable than his rustic, ratty chair back in his office. He almost considered taking it.

He closed his eyes for a moment before sighing and getting up to leave her room. He walked back down the stairs and into the kitchen where he smelled seasoned meat. He looked over at Theresa as she smiles at him. "She still asleep?"

He nodded. "Is it okay if I step out for a bit?" She nodded, saving her hand in his dismissal. He left the kitchen and left the house to pull out a Huff 'n Puff, lighting it immediately. He took a long drag of the cigarette, sighing out softly and letting out a large puff of smoke.

As he leaned against a lamp post, he almost contemplated his own mother. Theresa seemed so kind, it almost made him wary of her regardless of her knowing about fables. But her daughter's a half fable and the way she talks about her and treated him more like a person rather than a monster…

He considered letting his guard down, just a bit. He finished the cigarette, stomping it out before he walked back inside. The smell of the previous meat entered his nose dully. It smelled good, though.

He walked back into the kitchen, peeking his head around the corner and saw Theresa loading barbeque brisket into a bun. His stomach rumbled loudly, making Theresa jump a bit as she turned to him, placing a hand on her chest as she laughed.

"You scared the shit out of me.", she says, gathering her composure. "Was that your stomach?"

He nodded, scratching behind his head in slight embarrassment. "Well, luckily for you, the food's finished.", she says, smiling.

She handed him a plate and had him sit down at a table. He softly blew onto the food before taking a bite. When he took the first bite, he nearly gulped the rest, making Theresa grin. "Glad to know it was good.", she says.

She took his plate before handing him another one and smiled at Sonya walking into the kitchen, yawning. "That was quick.", Theresa says.

Sonya grumbles. "Pico wouldn't stop kicking me." She saw Bigby eating and smiled. "Finally got you some food, huh?"

She walked over to get herself some food and hummed in delight once she took a bite. After they'd finished eating, they talked for a while until noon arrived.

Sonya and Bigby stood up. "We gotta go before the princess bites our heads off for being gone too long.", Sonya says, rolling her eyes and giving her mom a hug. "Try to keep in touch, please.", Theresa says. Sonya nods and leads Bigby to the door. Sonya exits just in time to see school buses dropping off kids.

Bigby starts to follow her but is stopped by Theresa. "Please look after her.", she asks. Bigby gives her a reassuring nod before leaving. He closed the door and looked to see Sonya hugging a boy about the same height as her.

He walked over to them, catching the boy's attention. The boy frowns a bit. "Who's he?" Bigby almost snorted in amusement at his attempt at being intimidating.

Sonya turns to Bigby, “This is my brother, Eric. Eric, this is Bigby, my boss.” Eric looks Bigby up and down. “He better be.” Bigby raises an eyebrow with a soft chuckle. Sonya gives Eric’s arm a slap. “Cut it out.”

Sonya sighs, looking at Bigby. “Let’s go.” He nods, following her to her bike. She starts it up and looks at her little brother. “Stay out of trouble.”, she says, making him nod before she rides off with Bigby.

The Woodlands

She parks outside the gate, letting him off. He looks at her in confusion. “You’re not coming?” She shook her head. “Nope.” He crosses his arms. “Why not?”, he asks. “Ask your Deputy Mayor.”, she says, bluntly before driving off, leaving him in confusion.

“What does Snow have to do with…”, he muttered before walking into the apartments and made his way to the Business office, seeing the previous line had been gone. He walked into the Business Office and walked up to Snow.

“Mr. Wolf, what’s wrong?”, Snow asked. “Sonya’s not coming into work. I’d say that’d be fine, considering the circumstance, but somehow you have something to do with why she isn’t coming into work.”, Bigby says, making her pause. He raised an eyebrow. “Why is that?”, he asked.

She smoothed her hair, taking a curled strand of hair behind her hair. “Well, the case is done. I told her she can take some time off until there’s a new case.” Bigby’s eyes narrowed a bit before he nodded. “I guess that’ll be for a while… I suppose that’s fine.”, he says, and shakes his head at Bufkin drinking a tall bottle of wine.

“Do you ever get tired of drinking a whole bottle?”, Bigby asks. Bufkin drunkardly smiles. “Nope!” Bigby sighs a huff through his nose before walking to the mirror. “Hey, mirror.”

The green face appears, looking at the man stoically. “Hello, Bigby.” Bigby scratches at his stubble. “I gotta know where Sonya’s going. Can you show me her?”

The Mirror hums. “You know our rule.” Bigby rolls his eyes. “We ate, talked and parted ways, now can you, please, show me Sonya Blaze?”, he rhymed.

The mirror shows Sonya entering an electronic store he’s never seen. Bigby frowns, looking closely at the store name. “Best buy…?”, he mutters. “Where’s this at?”

The mirror hums, coming back. “5th avenue.” Bigby sighs. “Okay.”, he says and walks away. He walked out of the Business Office to walk into his own, and closed the door. He walked over to his desk, plopping down in his chair and grumbles at the paperwork that waited for his return.

[imaginationintowords]

Folklore [song series]

this is me trying

Modern Day AU! Steve Rogers x OC!Reader; Bucky Barnes x Natasha Romanoff

Plot: Inspired by Taylor Swift’s new album folklore. The story follows the timeline of Bucky and Elizabeth’s life throughout the years.

word count: 3592

[a/n: I’m so sorry that it’s taken me so long to update this and my other story. i’ve been busy with school and work. thank you for your continued patience and support]

previous part

Series Masterlist

Age: 20 Year: Dec. 2014 Location: Brooklyn, NY

"How have you been James?”

Bucky looks out the window to his right. Hands grasped together in his lap as he sits on the dark green sofa across from the woman he's been seeing for the last 5 months.

He ponders the question, making sure to answer it honestly. He looks back at her giving her his full attention again.

"Good," he answers truthfully, a small smile planted on his face. Life has been good. School is going incredibly well. My job is going better than I could've imagined. Really learning a lot."

"How are things going with Natasha?" The older lady asks.

“Great. Really great," Bucky says with a slightly bigger smile.

"Good. I'm glad to hear that," she smiles back, proud to the see progress James has made since his first visit moths ago.

After the blow up he and Steve had, Bucky fell into a depressive state. He refused to talk to anyone about what had happened. It wasn't until his younger sister Rebecca came to talk to him:

"I get you don't want to talk to any of us about what happened last week," she said as Bucky laid in bed looking out the window, his back facing her, "But you can't just stay in bed, hiding for the world. Starving yourself isn't going to solve anything.

"Sulking is only going to make you worse. It's not healthy, Buck. We're all worried. Ma is incredibly worried. She's barely been eating. I hear her wandering the house at all hours, because she can't sleep."

"You don't want to talk to us, fine. But you need to talk to someone. If not for yourself, but for Ma. Please," she begs, before leaving Bucky alone to ponder what she said.

He knew he wasn't coping the healthy way. He hadn't realized how much he was affecting his family by shutting down. The last thing he wanted to do was worry his mother. So he got himself up, took a shower, ate breakfast with his family. They were surprised to see him come down, but tried not to draw any extra attention to it. Rebecca gave him an understanding nod, which he reciprocated. After breakfast, he began his research. He decided to listen to Rebecca's advice and find someone to talk to someone to help him make sense of what is going on in his mind.

And that's how he ended up in Dr. Abraham's office.

"Have you contacted Steve yet?" She asks.

"No," he answered fiddling with his fingers, "I feel embarrassed about the way I reacted."

"That's normal, James," she assured him, "But in order to repair any damage that's been cost, you need to talk to Steve. To move forward. From what you've told me he's a very understanding person. I'm sure once you've apologized and explain to him the steps you've taken to help your mental health, I'm sure he'd be willing to accept you back into his life."

"I'm not so sure," he looked down at his hands.

"You won't know until you've tried. Listen, I'm not here to tell you what to do or what not to do. I'm just here to help you navigate your thoughts a little better. In a more healthy way. If you're really serious about living a more healthier mental life, I think you should talk to him. You don't want to really throw this lifelong friendship away, do you?"

"No, I don't," he shakes his head.

"Good. Remember to be honest," she tells him, "Vulnerability isn't a bad thing. Your feelings aren't a nuisance. it's how you handle them is what matters. I'm not saying you have to talk to him as soon as you walkout of here. I just want you to start making the notion of doing so. Our time is just about up, how about we do this. Some homework for the week.

"I want you to write a letter to Steve. Bring it in next week, you don't have to read it. But I would like to discuss it. What do you say?"

"Okay, I could do that," he agreed.

Christmas week

Steve and Elizabeth flew back home a few days before Christmas. They put their bags in the trunk of their rental car.

The car ride was silent for awhile, both tired after a long flight, now sitting in traffic on their way back to their parents' place. This would be their first time back to Brooklyn since the whole Bucky situation. The road trip back to California was fun, but there was a looming sadness over Steve. It's not like he regrets standing up to Bucky he doesn't. He just wishes thing would've played out differently. He really wished Bucky would've talked to him before he left back to California.

"How are you feeling about being back?" Elizabeth asks, while they sat in traffic.

"I don't know," Steve sighs, "Feels weird going back home and not talking to Bucky."

"Maybe you should try calling him. It's been a few months. I'm sure he'd be willing to hear you out," she said, rubbing his right arm.

"I don't want to push him," Steve said through gritted teeth, his grip on the steering wheel getting tighter.

Bucky had been a touchy subject the last few months. During the first month Elizabeth would ask Steve if he'd heard from him, the answer always being no, followed by Steve shutting down. After that Elizabeth stopped asking, noticing how much it was affecting Steve, but the constant reminder of it wasn't helping. She knew that if Bucky ever did call, Steve would tell her. The only thing she could do was be patient and be there for Steve whenever he needed her.

The holidays kept everyone busy. On Christmas Eve. Steve spent it with Elizabeth's family at her grandma's house. Elizabeth found herself watching Steve play with her younger cousins, she couldn't help but giggle when they roped him into a tea party. She found herself imagining a future where Steve would do the same with their own children. She quickly shook the daydream away. Reprimanding herself a little for even thinking about kids at their young age.

On Christmas morning Elizabeth and Steve spent it with his parents. It was a nice peaceful day just lounging around in their pajamas. For dinner, Elizabeth's parents went over to have dinner at the Rogers' house. It was a nice little send off dinner for their parents who were leaving for Mexico to spend the New Years for a couples' getaway.

Elizabeth and Steve were heading to the Hamptons to spent NYE with Wanda, Thor, Loki, and Scott. They had planned to have a nice, peaceful trip.

While Steve and Elizabeth were at the Hamptons, Bucky and Natasha were spending their NYE at his family's beach cottage in Port Washington.

They were cuddled on the couch surrounded by take out containers, watching the New Years Eve special waiting for midnight to happen.

Bucky got up about 15 minutes to midnight to grab something from the kitchen. He walked back into the room with a new bottle of champagne and two champagne flutes.

"Got some champagne," he said holding it up for Natasha to see.

"Um," Natasha awkwardly shifted in her seat, "Actually about that."

Bucky looked at Nat confused, putting the bottle and flutes down on the coffee table before sitting back down next to her.

"What's wrong" he asked, grabbing the tv remote to mute the tv, and give Natasha his full undivided attention.

"So there's something I haven't told you," she says looking down at her fidgeting fingers.

"You're worrying me Nat," Bucky said, grabbing her hands to help ease her nerves

She looked up to meet his worry filled eyes.

"I'm pregnant," she announced.

Bucky eyes widen at her announcement, instantly dropping her hands. The look on her face showing she was telling the truth.

"How is that possible?" He asks in disbelief, "We've been so careful. We use double the protection. Condoms and you're on the pill."

"Actually about that," she nervously shifted under his intense gaze, "I haven't been on birth control in a little over two months."

"What?" Bucky yelled, quickly rising from his seat, "What do you mean you haven't been on birth control in a little over two months?"

"I got off of it," she shrugged trying to play it off, "It's my body and I can do what I want with it. And I just wanted to give my body a break, I've been on the pill since I was 15."

"I get it's your body, Natasha, I'm all for you doing whatever you want," he stresses, "but you should've told me. I'm your boyfriend, we have sex frequently. You should've at least had the respect of your sexual partner, letting him know that you were no longer on birth control. So in that case I could've been a tad more careful."

"We were using condoms," she half heartedly defended herself.

"They aren't 100% effective Natasha," he gripped his hair, in complete disbelief over this entire conversation, "You even know that. That also doesn't defend yourself for not telling me. You should've told me."

"I'm sorry. It's not like I was planning for this to happen," she yelled.

Bucky just stared at her like she just grew two heads. How is she not freaking out, he thought. They were clearly way too young for this. Which is why they took precautionary measures.

After a few moments of silence Natasha spoke up, "I'm keeping the baby."

Bucky didn't know what to say. He felt the room closing in on him. He started having a hard time catching his breath.

"James," Natasha quietly said, getting up to check on him. He raised his hand, silently telling her to stay where she's at.

He headed for the back door, the house felt too suffocating for him. He walked through the the small yard to the gate that led to the beach. Stumbling around.

To a stranger they would just think he's drunk. In reality he was just having a panic attack.

It was all too much. His mind was racing.

She's pregnant. With a baby. My baby. I'm going to have a kid. I'm going to be a dad. I'm not ready to be a dad. My dad was shit. God I can't be like my dad. I'm not ready for all of this.

He put his hands on his knees, hunched over trying to catch his breath. But he just couldn't. He did the only thing he could think of. He pulled out his phone and dialed the only person he knew would help.

Steve and Elizabeth were laughing with their friends, waiting for the countdown to begin. Steve felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. He moved his shoulder off of the back of the couch, where Elizabeth was cuddled up against.

He pulled his phone out and his heart dropped at the name that appeared. He quickly got up and walked out of the living room and upstairs to the room where he was staying in for the week.

Wanda raised her eyebrow at Elizabeth, who just shrugged her shoulders, equally as confused.

"Bucky?" Steve answered the phone, closing the door behind him. He could hear Bucky hyperventilating on the other side.

"Steve," he tried to get out.

"Buck, what's wrong?" Steve asked, pressing the phone even closer to his ear the sound of everyone downstairs counting down to midnight.

"Steve, I-," Bucky was struggling to get out.

"Buck, please try to calm down," Steve stressed, "Inhale, hold it for a few seconds and then exhale. You need to calm down. I can't help you, if I can't understand you."

Bucky tried his best to calm himself down, with Steve talking him through it.

"Now, can you explain to me what's wrong?" Steve asked, hearing Bucky's breathing leveling out more.

"I-I'm not re-ready Steve," Bucky stutters, sniffling his nose.

"It's okay take your time, I'm here whenever you're ready."

"No, it's Natasha.”

"What's Natasha? Is she okay?" Steve questioned, getting more concerned.

"Yes, she's fi-ine," he stuttered again, trying to say the words.

"Where are you Buck?" Steve asked, looking around for his shoes and keys.

"I'm at the beach cottage."

"I'm in the Hamptons. Is there any way you can meet me back at my place?"

"Yeah, I think I can," Bucky said a bit more calmer now.

"Okay, I'll see you soon."

When midnight struck Elizabeth went upstairs to check on Steve, making sure everything was okay. She could hear him on the phone talking to Bucky, trying to calm him down. She waited outside of the door to give them some privacy.

Twenty minutes later Wanda went to go check on them, to find Elizabeth sitting on the floor.

"Is everything okay?" She whispered.

"I don't know," she answered, "I'm waiting for Steve. You can head back down, I'll be down shortly."

"Okay. We're here if you guys need anything," Wanda said before walking back down.

After another 25 minutes Elizabeth heard Steve hang up the phone. She softly knocked on the door, and let herself in. She walked in to see Steve frantically going around the room collecting his things.

"Steve is everything okay?"

"It's Buck. He called me while he was having a panic attack. Something about Natasha," he tells her.

"Is she okay?"

"I think so. I was able to calm him down. I need to get back home," he said putting his things in his suitcase.

"Okay. I completely understand. Do you want me to go with you for the drive?" She asked.

"I don't want you to have to cut your time here short," he says, feeling guilty for bringing this on her.

"Steve, something is clearly going on with Bucky. I want you to go to him, but maybe it's best if I drove. I haven't had a drink in hours, and you seem too frantic. Please let me help," she pleaded, placing her hand on his stopping him.

Steve looked up and noticed the worry on Elizabeth's face.

"Okay," he gave in, "We'll need to leave as soon as we can."

Elizabeth nodded, quickly grabbing her weekender bag and start shoving things in. If they forgot anything's he knew Wanda would bring it back.

They said their quick goodbyes and were on the road within 5 minutes, with Elizabeth behind the wheel and Steve fidgeting in the passenger seat.

Bucky took a few minutes to himself on the beach, trying to make sure his anxiety was at rest before he headed back inside. When he entered the house, Natasha shot up from her seat.

"Happy New Years," she awkwardly said, trying to cut the obvious tension.

"Umm," Bucky scratched his head looking everywhere but at Natasha, "We need to leave."

"What?"

"I mean, you can stay if you want and I'll pick you up tomorrow," he rephrased, "But I can't stay here. I need to go. Steve is meeting me at his house."

"Steve?" She was taken back by that mention, not expecting to hear Bucky say his name. He hasn't mentioned Steve in months.

"Yeah, I called him," Bucky says rubbing the back of his neck.

"Well that's good right?"

"Yeah, listen. I really need to go, so are you going to stay or come with me?"

"To see Steve?"

"No. I would drop you off at your place," he tells her, "I'm seeing Steve alone."

"Will she be there?"

Natasha didn't really know exactly why Steve and Bucky weren't talking, at first. Then she heard that Steve and Elizabeth were dating, and it all made sense. The only person that could tear Bucky and Steve apart. She never told Bucky that she knew. Figured it wasn't worth the fight. Especially not now when she was carrying his child.

To an outsider it might seem like she got pregnant on purpose, but that wasn't the case. She knew they were too young for this, at least that's what she thought when she first found out about the pregnancy a week ago. But now that she's sat with it she's taking it as a sign that this is meant to happen. She's just really hoping that Bucky would see it, if not now but eventually.

"Listen, Natasha, I don't have time for this," he looks her in the eyes, "Are you coming or not?"

"I'll get my bag," she remarked with a snark tone, walking passed him to their shared room.

A couple of hours later Bucky was pulling up in front of the Rogers' house. 2:15 am read the clock in his car. He looked to his right, out the passenger side window to see a dark figure sat on the front steps of the house.

Bucky took one last breath before exiting the vehicle.

As soon as he opened the front gate Steve stood up from where he was sat on the stairs.

Once Bucky approached him both young men threw their arms around each other. Gripping each other tightly, fighting back the tears that threatened to fall. They stayed like that for awhile. Relishing in the comfort of being back in each other's arms. Their silent fight no longer important. All they knew in that moment was everything was going to be okay, because no matter what they'll always have each other.

Steve walked into his parents' living room holding two mugs of coffee. As he rounded the couch, he handed one to Bucky.

"Sorry, if I ruined any of your plans," Bucky apologized, "Tell Elizabeth I'm sorry for taking you away."

'Buck, don't worry about it," Steve waved him off, "She completely understands. And truth be told, I wasn't necessarily feeling in the New Year's mood."

"Yeah," Bucky sighs.

"Do you want to talk about what happened tonight?" Bucky nods his head, placing the coffee mug on the coffee table in front of him. He shifted his body to the left to face Steve.

"She's pregnant," he announces.

"What?" Steve asked, not expecting that to be the reason, he quickly placed his mug next to Bucky's.

"Yeah, my reaction exactly," Bucky said.

"What? How?"

"Apparently Natasha hasn't been on the pill in a couple of months," Bucky explains, "And even though we always used condoms, they aren't exactly 100% effective."

"Did you know she wasn't on the pill?"

"Nope," Bucky tells him, "If I knew I wouldn't been a bit more cautious."

"So she told you she was pregnant?" Steve said getting back to it.

"Yeah. She was so nonchalant about it. Like it was no big deal," Bucky stressed,

"How is she just so calm. We're not prepared for this. I'm not ready for this Steve. I can't be a dad. I don't even know how to be a decent human being."

"That's not true Buck," Steve disagreed.

"Come on Steve, we haven't talked in months, and we both know it's not because you didn't try," Bucky says, "I was so caught up in my own jealousy. And selfishness, that I never even considered your feelings or Elizabeth's. And I don't think I can ever make it up to you for treating you like you're nothing to me."

"You were hurt," Steve tried to excuse.

"Doesn't excuse the way I behaved," Bucky says, "I know that now."

"I've been seeing a therapist," Bucky informs him, "I never realized how much my mental health was taking a toll on those around me. So after our fight, I found someone to talk to. To work through the shit that's going on in my mind."

"How's that been going?" Steve asked.

"Good," Bucky gives a half smile, "Really good. She's good. I've realized a lot about myself that I didn't know. Working through all the issues I've had with my father leaving."

"That's good Buck. I'm proud of you, truly," Steve beamed, patting Bucky on the shoulder.

"I really am sorry for the way I behaved," Bucky repeated again.

"Buck, you really don't have to apologize again," Steve told him.

"I need to Steve," he said, "I can't believe I acted that way. I should've been happy for you and Elizabeth. I'm glad you two have each other. Seriously. I couldn't imagine her with anyone better, same goes for you. I won't cause any more issues for you two. It's not worth not having you in my life. You're my brother Steve, and I don't want to miss anything."

"Thanks, Buck. It really means a lot to me to hear that," Steve smiles, "Because I don't want to miss anything in your life also."

"Yeah, especially now," he says, the reality of why they're there dawning back.

"How are you feeling now about the baby?"

"I don't know, man," Bucky shakes his head, "I'm afraid I'm going to screw this up, like everything else."

"But now you're working on that," Steve reminds him, "And you're not going to be doing this alone. You have people who are always going to be there. I may be in California now, but I'm just a phone call away. You're not alone. But you do have to try Buck. That's all that you can ever do. Try your best, no one's asking you to be perfect, but as long as you're trying your best, that's what's important."

Age: 21 Year: 2015

The sounds of a baby crying woke Bucky up from his sleep in the early depths of the morning. He quietly and quickly got out of bed, making his way to the small New York kitchen to make a bottle.

He walked into the small nursery where the two-month-old baby wailed from hunger.

"It's okay," Bucky shushed gently, picking up the small baby, "Daddy's here."

He adjusted the small baby in his arms before placing the bottle in the baby's mouth.

"There you go," he encouraged the small one, as soon as he heard the sounds of the baby drinking.

Bucky sat down on the chair in the corner of the room, opposite of the crib. He just stared as the newborn drank their bottle, while simultaneously falling asleep. Even though he was completely exhausted, he had never felt more happier. More at peace with where his life was at.

As long as he kept trying his best, he knows he can do this for the rest of his life.

[bonelesswords]

a study of souls | alex høgh andersen au

Chapter one: Hi, June.

-synopsis -chapter two

Warnings: Language, sexual content, mentions and using of drugs, mentions of a toxic relationships, grammar mistakes (english is not my first language)

Note: This is the first chapter!! It's kinda short but only for now. btw all this introduction is for you to understand the story 😁 tell me what you think hehe. 

  The summer in which everyone forgot my name, was over, the only ones who seemed to remember it were my brother and my grandmother, who called almost every day while I was on vacation to ask how I was. It was my grandma's idea to send me to the other side of the world, thinking that New York could heal a broken heart. I had said that no, that it didn't work like that, that she could send me to Japan, to a desert island, but the only thing I needed to stop thinking about my heart and how broken it was, was time. But she insisted, because she has been stubborn her whole life and she wasn't going to stop now; she sent me to New York, to the house of a friend that she had met in i-don't-know-where, don't-know-when. Who had presented me to his grandson because my grandma had told her in detail how the last person I had fallen in love with, had broken my heart.

I went and I came back, my heart didn't hurt like when I got on the plane, but it still hurt, and the pain scares me.

I would like to say that yes, that grandma was right, and that my heart actually healed after that trip. That I wasn't going to have to deal with insecurities again. I would like to move on with my life as if a man didn't rip a piece of my soul; but it isn't like that.

It still scares me, even if William left to never return, to never see my face again.

I'm afraid of waking up and see his face among the white sheets, laying on my pillow. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, unable to move or speak, but I can see him sitting at the end of my bed, looking at me sideways and whispering that I must not forget him. Until after a few minutes, when I manage to move again, he disappears as if he had never been there.

Forgetting everything that happened is not as easy as throwing away a box with all the memories, it's like burning the box and that it appears every time on your doorstep .

William left and he's not going to come back. I'm sure that there's not a single drop of love for him in my body, but he left me a thousand of insecurities and he took my pride with him. He left me every bad memory, and how they torment during the night, reminding me how he played with me.

So I asked Rory, my brother, and grandma, for time. They didn't understand anything that night that I arrived home crying, they still don't understand everything fully, but they took care of me, and they were there with me every time I couldn't hold the tears anymore. I need time to assimilate things better: I had met William, a man older than me. I liked him and he lied to me saying he liked me too. When his lie went too far he got scared and left. He made sure not to see me anymore not even on the streets. He hurt me way more times that I had said out loud, in places that I still don't know how to describe.

I don't feel sad because he left, I feel sad for what he made with me after that.

But summer ended and autumn began in the city where I was born. In any moment I would get back to the university and perhaps I would make a friend.

It's already dark when I return home, the floor is wet from the rain that fell in the afternoon. The street lights up with orange lights and my nose is red from the cold. The only thing that I hear are the footsteps of my boots against the pavement and distant voices that come from inside of the houses. It's Friday and I feel it on the tip of my nose, when the air brings the smell of the dinner of the last house on the block; mine.

I know that Rory is inside with grandma, since I came back from New York he doesn't do anything else but staying at the house that I share with grandma for dinner, I also know that he feels slightly guilty for getting away from me lately. During our whole lives, ever since mom decided to leave us in charge of grandma, we had always hold on to each other, because we were the only thing we had left. And suddenly, after a long time, he didn't call like he used to anymore, he stopped visiting us like before. He is trying to get things back to the way they were.

When I step on the house, the warmth of the place embraces me, inviting me to take off my coat and my red sweater. From the living room I can hear the drawers opening and closing, the plates crashing and the voice of my grandma. I went inside to the kitchen, where Rory is sitting on a stool, his mouth is full of crumbs and a piece of bread is caught between his teeth. He looks as pale as ever, with messy black hair. Dressed in black from head to toe, he wears the same combat boots as me. Grandma looks at me and smiles in the only way she does when she sees one of her grandchildren.

The three of us sat at the dining table, talking about the day, work  and trivial things.

"The lady who lives two blocks from here stayed twenty minutes talking to me this afternoon." I comment "She told me all the gossip. I don't know why she told them to me, if it is because she has no friend or something, I mean, if she has no friends, how does she know everything?"

"Maybe because she does have friends, but she thinks you don't" Rory replies, shrugging his shoulders. I look at him with narrowed eyes as he takes the fork with food to his mouth. He caught me off guard.

"That's a lie, all my friends are on vacation, they don't come back until the university starts," I explain, for the thousandth time this summer. My friends at the university are not even friends, maybe I have the number of someone because from time to time I ask for the homework, we get along, but nothing else. I wasn't going to admit it out loud.

"Anyway" interrumped grandma "Rory has already told me that he's not staying to drink tea after dinner because he has plans with friends, I guess that we are you and me again, June. You and me and maybe a movie on netflix."

The two of them are mocking me, and suddenly, it makes sense. Both are pushing me to come out tonight. It's true that I don't   have any friends, and the old women that I talk to everyday while I work on the bakery aren't exactly the best company. They know that since William, I'm completely alone except for them.

"Well, I understand, I bother when I stay all day in this house. Maybe I want to stay here with grandma, watching movies until she falls asleep at ten. Unless that you, Rory, have other plans for me"

"It's the birthday of one of my friends, we are going to the pub, you come with me, you meet my friends and maybe you get along with them. I'll take you only if you don't talk about what the old lady told you today and if you drink at least two beers" He tells me and I share glances with grandma, as if I had fifteen and had to ask for permission to go out a friday night.

"I'm twenty one for something, right? To drink at least two beers with my brother. I'll go, but with two conditions" He nods with a smile, while grandma listens to the conversation with amusement."First, there must be at least one girl besides me. Second, if it's necessary, I can talk about politics"

"Don't worry June, that's the two things that i love. Girls and politics"

-

I haven't gone out at night in a long time and the only thing I do while sitting in the passenger seat in my brother's car is thinking if I had dressed well. What a silly thing, I think. I'm wearing light blue jeans and a dark black polo shirt under a yellow sweater. I realize how badly I combine the colors when I look at the yellow converse that I'm wearing

"So... are you friends.. friendly?" I ask and he laughs.

"That's a dumb question"

"And whose birthday is it?"

"Jack's" He says "You dont know him, I met him at the bar a while ago, Alex is the bar owner, along with his brother, his brother is more owner than him, but they both manage it. I'm not very close to Luke, Alex's brother, but he's nice. Jack is twenty four today."

"And what are you going to give him?" he points to the glove box, which is in front of my knees, I open it and I see a fat envelope, I take it out. "What is it?"

"A special edition of his favorite Batman movie, he's going to lose his shit, I'm sure"

I laugh and leave the bag in my lap and I stay silent, the only thing we hear in the car is the radio. It is the only station that doesn't put me in a bad mood and I only listen to it when I'm in Rory's car.

Rory parked on the street in front of the place, which had wooden chairs and tables outside and a row of lights under the roof that covered them. There were a few people outside and a lot inside. I looked at the ceiling of the place, in bright letters it said DUST.

My brother opened the door making sound a bell over our heads, almost inaudible due to the voices of all the people inside the bar. It was hot inside, putting our cheeks red immediately, the same tables that were outside were located all over the place and in the back were four U-shaped couchs with round tables in the middle. The lights of the place were all orange, making the atmosphere warmer than it already was. My brother took my hand and guided me to the back, in the other he had his friend's birthday present.

They all shouted things that I didn't understand when they saw my brother. I was behind him.

"Happy birthday, lad" he said to the guy who was at the end of the couch, a brown haired guy with a lot of tattoos on the arms, hands and some of them in his neck. He smiled at Rory and thanked him. "This is for you" my brother said and gave him his gift.

"What is it?" he asked, examining the paper bag."

"Open it, you idiot" said a redhead girl who was next to him, and for a second, everyone was silent. I felt like a statue in that moment.

Jack broke the paper and when he saw what was inside, his face lighted up and he looked at Rory with bright eyes. "No way, man"

"Nothing can top my gift now" Jack got up to hug him and thanked him again, putting him in a backpack he had on the floor. Rory turned to see me and I raised his eyebrows, indicating that he had forgotten about me for a second.

"Oh, right guys, this is June, my little sister. I brought her today because if she spends another friday night at home she is going to become an old lady. I hope that's not a problem" I looked at them, waving my hand. They smiled.

"That's not a problem" Jack announced "Any sister of Rory is sister of mine" He said and smiled at me, I smiled back. Then Rory brought two chairs to the table and we joined the round.

Everyone started talking animatedly; the round was made up of two guys and three girls. Jack, at the end of the couch, Julia the redhead who called him idiot before was next to him. On her right side was, who had introduced herself, Evangeline, a very pretty brown-eyed brunette, I had stared at her for a few seconds when she told me her name because of how beautiful she was. It seemed like she had just returned from the beach, but it was autumn and the shine of her skin was natural. I wish I could look like that without trying, she didn't seem like she was trying. Beside her, it was Travis, a skinny gray-eyed boy, as pale as paper, who was talking a lot and followed all of Jack's jokes, even though he was almost at the other end of the couch. Next to Travis, was Helena, a platinum blonde with red lips, who hadn't stopped talking with Rory since we arrived. And Rory hadn't stopped talking with her neither. I know when my brother likes someone, he behaves just like high school but I didn't say anything, and I didn't dare to make any jokes about it

Suddenly, a chair is dragged right next to me, in the middle of me and Jack, who was asking me about university with Julia. A man drops into the wooden chair and starts talking.

"I told Matthew that anything that this table orders it's on me. That's my birthday gift." He said with a strange accent to Jack, he turned to me and his blue eyes clashed with mine. Jack thanked him, and I didn't know what to say. Mainly because he had a black eye and several cuts around his face, like on the eyebrow and on his lower lip. I tried to hide my surprise, but he had already noticed. He stared at me, waiting for me to say something, but I didn't.

"Hi Alex" Rory speaks, making his eyes go towards my brother "This is June, my sister, I'm taking her out for a walk"

"Hi Ronald, we are going to take care of her here" He joked and then, looked at me again. "Hi, June, I'm Alex" He gives me a wide smile, almost amused. I instantly realized that despite his bruised face, he was handsome. But like all the boys sitted at the table, like Travis or Jack, but he was handsome anyway, and he has beautiful eyes. He doens't look like the kind of guy I see at university parties surrounded by lots of people, but he looks like the kind of guy the girls turn to see in the hallway.

"Hi Alex" I said, trying to smile at him.

"How old are you, June?" Alex asks.

"Twenty one" He nods, ready to make another question,  His brown hair seems freshly cut and his skin looks slightly tanned, which makes his eyes look bluer than they surely are.

"So why aren't you drinking anything, June?" It catches my attention how he repeats my name several times, as if he were getting used to the sound in his tongue.

I shrug without saying anything. He smiles sideways at me while shaking his head, then stretches his arm behind my back to reach Rory's head, hitting him with the palm of his hand.

"Go get your sister a fucking beer" Rory growled and looked at him annoyed when Alex interrupted their conversation.

"Language." Julia scolds and Alex rolls his eyes amused.

"She can go by herself" Rory replied, I did not say anything.

"Don't be an idiot" he scolded him again and my brother got up from the chair, sighing and going towards the bar.

"I can get my own beer" I said to Alex, he looked at me raising his eyebrows.

"Yeah, you look like someone who can get their own beer, June" he says with the same smile on his face "But Matthew, the barman, doesn't know you and he won't believe you if you say you are with Jack"

"I don't look like someone who would be with Jack?" I say trying to sound offended. Of course I didn't look like someone who was friends with Jack, I looked like someone who stayed to watch a movie on Netflix with grandma on a friday night.

"You look like someone who would be with me" He says and winks at me. Automatically starts a conversation with Jack, and Julia talks about the university again. I'm sure i'm  as red as a tomato.

taglist: (if you want to be in the taglist let me know) 

@youbloodymadgenius 

GIFs not mine, found it on pinterest. 

[bitchfromthecrypt]

So....

I’m just gonna start posting chapters of my book here, cool? Cool.

Anyway this is my first chapter, I’m gonna post them in order with headings and shit.

Hopefully you all like it! And sorry about clogging up the tags!

Criticsm is always welcome and greatly appreciated!!! I’m a new author and 99% of this I’m just making up as I go lol

A widdle synopsis:

Sometimes, life doesn't go quite the way you’d expect.

Death however, never goes the way you’d expect.

Melody Adler; daughter, mother, widow.

She was a woman of many words, and even more talents, a kind soul who strives for the very best at every turn.

She longed to one day move her mother and daughter out of her rundown apartment, far away the hustle and bustle of the city.

Unfortunately, none of that matters because she's dead.

Melody woke up in the middle of an empty field, left with nothing but her new diary, her memories, a whole lot of questions and no one to ask them to.

At first she couldn’t tell if she was in hell or heaven.

Then she met Her.

And it all went down hill from there.

———————————————————————

Anyway, here’s the second draft of the book that has taken me five years and probably one more to write,

This Book Belongs To: Melody

Entry One

My dearest Valerie,

Let me begin by saying this, you are the love of my life, my heart, my soul.

The day I had you was the best day of my life.

You, my love, matter to me more than anything else in this world and I know grandmama would never let you begin to think such a thing, but regardless, I need to tell you, I would never willingly leave you.

Baby, sometimes bad things happen to good people.

Sometimes, there’s no real rhyme or reason and all you can do is take what god has given you.

I wish there was some reason for this.

I wish someone would descend from the heavens and tell me exactly what I did to deserve this.

I was raised well, that's for damn sure.

Sorry baby, excuse my language.

I've never done any drugs, I listened to mama, I read my bible, I went to church and I did everything I could to raise you right.

Why am I here?

Was I kidnapped?

I don’t remember it.

I don’t remember anything after walking you inside.

It's about 70 degrees, overcast here.

All day, every day.

Until the sun sets.

If the sun sets.

When the sun sets, this little world gets so much brighter.

It brightens until the dense pine needles on the packed together trees look like tiny black specks, until the dew on the grass glistens like stars that shouldn’t be as close to you as they seem to be, until the only way to prevent yourself from being blinded is to tuck your head in your knees and cover your eyes so tightly you see spots for hours, as you somehow still manage to feel and see the bright red heat through your eyelids.

I've no clue where the light comes from.

I haven't seen the sun, the moon, or so much as a cloud at all.

Not once.

It's all so empty.

The sky, the woods, the trees, empty.

The only live things here are the grass, about a football field's length around me, and the ring of trees surrounding it.

I wonder if I'll ever be able to smell anything other than pine again.

What really makes it harder to sleep at night is the silence.

Back home, at night, you hear car alarms and sirens, and loud jazz for each and every hour of darkness.

You never realize what sounds lull you to sleep until they’re gone.

Even then, I went to the countryside, once, I know that it isn’t meant to be so silent.

Why, I couldn’t sleep a wink down there with all the crickets, foxes, and raccoons and what have you.

They spent the whole night chirping, hollering, rustling through every bush they could find.

The country isn’t quiet.

Not like this.

See, that's why I know this place isn't human.

Isn't mortal.

This huge forest full of places to hide, and hunt, with admittedly strange weather, but no civilization whatsoever?

I should be fighting off wolves for a blade of grass to sleep on.

And yet, there's nothing.

No one.

It's just quiet, deafening quiet.

There's no animal on earth that can hide well enough to not be noticed for this long.

I hit my head the other day.

Three days ago, maybe?

I'm not certain, I didn't think to bring my calendar.

I had climbed to the top of a tree, I was trying to see if there was anything in the distance.

The trees are tall, frighteningly tall, why, they must be ten stories high.

They don’t touch.

It’s like they’re a barrier, surrounding me, caging me in.

Out in the forest it’s different, much, much different.

Their branches are all tangled together, like one big knot.

There’s barely an inch of light that squeezes past the wiry little needles.

A cage in every sense of the word.

I climbed as far up as I could go before the branches were too thin to hold my weight and still, all I saw was forest for miles.

And miles.

And miles.

I think that was the moment I knew I couldn't leave.

All I could think about was you, baby.

You’re gonna be six years old soon, you’re gonna be a big girl, Val.

Grandma will take care of you, I know that.

It doesn't stop me from worrying, I doubt anything would.

It didn’t stop me from picturing you, sitting there and staring at your birthday cake.

Thinking.

Wondering where mommy is.

I passed out.

I woke up as I was falling through the trees.

I saw the ground beneath me, getting closer, and closer.

I tried to reach out and grab a branch but I couldn't quite grasp any of them.

I could only feel my body hit the rough branches as the pine needles that had looked so close to normal seemed to pierce my skin.

I couldn't stop.

I knew I would die.

I thought of our last christmas.

The look on your face when you opened your present to see that doll you’d begged me to get you for weeks.

The way your eyes lit up, as that little gap toothed smile grew on your face, it was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.

The way your little arms wrapped around me as you screamed in my ear about how happy you were that Santa got your letter.

I knew you’d stopped believing in him a while ago, the fact that you’d pretended for my sake nearly made me cry.

I wanted you to be the last thing I thought about.

Then I woke up.

In the middle of the field.

Staring out into that circle of pine trees.

It was nighttime, and I didn't have a scratch on me.

I thought, for a moment, that I had hallucinated.

After all, I hadn’t eaten a decent meal in a while.

That’s when I realized, I hadn’t eaten since I got here.

I hadn't been hungry, or thirsty, or tired.

I hadn’t felt a thing, I hadn’t lost any weight, I’m completely and utterly unharmed.

Valerie, little valerian, I love you.

And I love you too mama, I’ll miss you both more than you can ever imagine.

But I’m not alive anymore.

And there’s nothing I can do to get back to you.

[drarrygirl27]

I don't know who recreated this beautiful quote into something even more powerful, but I thank you for doing so. I promise that I am not meaning to steal this. I take no credit for it in anyway. It is from a website called, sermon quotes.com and that is all I know about it. The only things that are mine in this post are my thoughts.

Anyway, this quote and picture hits home even more what my aunt was telling me during the celebration of one of my second cousin's birthdays. She said to not let bad things, bad people turn my light into dark. Don't stoop to their level and that I am so much better than that. If I let all my anger, resentment, and all the negative feelings go that only good things will happen to me. She also said that she truly believes that I will have the fluffiest, brightest, and whitest of wings one day. They will get theirs and burn when their time comes. I had no idea what to say to that. What is the right and or appropriate thing to say to such a heartfelt belief like that without sounding like you think you are all that and a bag of chips? Yeah I know. Old person slang and all that. All I could do was nod even though I was sitting there in disbelief. I still haven't made up my mind yet about things beyond this world we live in. I still talk to the big man upstairs, my deceased loved ones including my dad and grandmother, and such, but to be honest that is really as far as my belief goes. The only things that I know and believe in are to be loving toward your fellow men and to not be hateful no matter what while trying to be the best person that you know how to be. I'm certainly not perfect. Hell, no one is. However, if I were to get wings when my time on earth is done, I'd like mine to be silver or blue or maybe a mixture of the two. I love those colors. They're so pretty and calming.

Anywho, I am going to try to live by this post no matter what happens in my life during this month and after. Instead of saying that I hate the woman who is literally trying her hardest to take away what I have left from my Daddi-o and Grandma Jones, I'll just feel indifferent and not like what she is doing. I just can't wait to get her out of my life by being no where near her ever again. That itself has been true torture throughout this entire thing. That is as close as I can get concerning non-negative feelings and most likely it is going to be the closest in that regard that I will ever feel towards her. As I said, I'm not perfect and I never will be, but I will try to be one of the positive things in this world for me and others simply because I know emotional pain. I have been quite familiar with it for most if not all of my 30 years of life, a good bit of it by me because I'd much rather bring that kind of darkness to myself than others. I still feel that way, but I am getting better at not shutting people out. I'll admit that my D has helped me out a lot with that.

Any la who, I am going to end this here before it becomes a damn Star Wars Saga Intro. LOL! We all don't need that, but at least there is a really pretty picture and quote with this one.

Sincerely twice as much as ever, Kendra E. Jones