#i hope i managed to convey the emotions well enough | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

queers-gambit · 4 months

Text

Opening Night and Open Hearts

prompt: opening night - a mother's fear, a locked walk-in freezer, confessions through a thick metal door, questioning what's deserved, and a proposal at The Bear after hours.

pairing: Carmen 'Carmy' Berzatto x female!reader

fandom masterlist: FX's The Bear

word count: 9.8k+

note: i think i give enough background for you guys to feel as if you don't need to read any other relating works, but i linked the fics that could be read as a small series (maybe?) also let author be lonely in peace

warnings: reader nicknamed Peach, established relationship, cursing, spoilers, fluff, angst, relationship angst, hurt and comfort, Carmy still (desperately) needs a nap, depiction of physical illness, boys are dumb and emotions are hard, reader-insert, depiction of toxic family, OC Carmy that grovels a lot, not edited!

⚠️ season two, episode ten spoilers

not necessary to read, but other relating works with Peach:

Dinner at the Homesick Restaurant

God's Plan part two: Two to Tango

Neon Sticky Notes

"Hi, yes, I can hear you - sorry about that, I was just making note of your reservation," you spoke smoothly into the phone, trying not to ogle your boyfriend wrapped in only a clean blue towel. "So, that's a party of four for Monsieur Claude Badeaux - all right, that's so lovely. I'm obligated to remind everyone that tonight's opening is a fine dining experience and the proper, corresponding dress code is being asked for. Are there any allergies I should make note of for your party?"

"Jean Paul has a tree nut allergy," you were told.

"All right, that's noted and highlighted: Jean Paul has a tree nut allergy. If there's anything else I could help you with?"

"Non," he chuckled. "I was surprised to see your invitation to this evening, though, mon cher. It's been so long, yes?"

"Well, it was my pleasure to extend the offer, we're ecstatic by your reservation," you chuckled. "We'll see you tonight, Monsieur, and should you need anything before then, you may call this number again."

You said your parting words in French, smiling at Carmy when you hung up and dropped your work phone. "Did I hear that correct?" Your lover asked with a broad grin, "Was that...?"

"Senior marketing advisor at The Washington Post?" You filled in for him. "Uh, yeah, I think it was, but you know me - I could be wrong."

"You invited someone from The Washington Post to the opening tonight?"

"Is that okay?" You asked, standing from the bed after making note in your datebook. "You look kinda - I don't know, shocked?"

"I-I am," he blinked at you, watching you gather his pristine clothing to hang on the closet door. "But in a good way - I can't believe you did this," he chuckled, wiping his mouth. "I mean - holy shit, Peaches."

You offered a toothy grin, "Figured I could pull a few of my own strings to help get the word out about your love-child."

This made Carmy snicker, "Hey, now. Tonight's important, don't make fun."

"I know," you nodded, leading him back into the bathroom to view your hair products. "Which is why I invited some important people and some not-so important people. I know this is serious, Carmy," you smiled at him, hoping to convey your support, "and I wanted to help in whatever way I could."

"You being there tonight is more than I could ask for," he chuckled, helping you onto the small bathroom counter. You squirted a bit of hair product in your hand, watching him flinch back a little, "Uh, I just don't want my hair greasy, Peach, you know? Not a good look and I'll sweat it out in the kitchen."

"I feel like I should be offended by you having no trust in me," you teased, insisting, "I know whatcha need, baby, lemme help."

Carmy smiled softly and held still, letting you run your hands through his curls to push everything back and away from his forehead in a stylish but manageable "do". There was a silent, serene moment as you and Carmy just existed together in a mundane space, his big, sad eyes watching your face as you worked. He wondered, "Think tonight's gonna be okay?"

"I think tonight's gonna be more than okay," you assured softly. "I think tonight's gonna go better than you're anticipating."

He sighed and planted his hands on either side of you, suddenly dropping his gaze. "I, uh... Sugar invited Mom t'tonight..."

"Yeah, I know."

"You know?"

"Sugar and I are still friends outside of us dating, Carmy," you smiled patiently, slowing your hands so you more toyed with his curls; pushing some strands behind his ears. "She needs someone as much as you do and I don't mind."

"But isn't that what Pete's for?"

"Yes, but you know, Pete's Pete."

Carmy snorted, "Yeah, yeah, good point."

"I don't know if she'll show up tonight, Bear, but whether she does or doesn't, it won't matter - you're not doing this for her. This is for you, Carmy, tonight's about The Bear opening - it's about you and this incredible, amazing thing you've done. Okay?" You caressed both his cheeks in your hands so he could only look at you directly. "If she shows, that's great," you whispered with a soft smile as your thumbs swept the apples of his cheeks, "and if she doesn't, it won't make tonight any less special. That, I can promise."

Carmy's forehead met yours, both pausing to breathe together; peace always a fleeting feeling as of late and being something you both capitalized on. You brought him in closer for an embrace, his face burying in your neck as your arms snaked around his to keep him as close as possible. His arms were tight around your waist, legs spread to accommodate him; both needing the feel of being close before that night's inevitable stressful event.

"Wow, well, don't you look all pretty! Wow, Peach," Pete greeted you when you scurried to the table with your friend in tow. "Oh, hi there!"

"Pete, this is my best friend, Danielle, and Dani, this is Pete, Sugar's husband."

"Hi, it's really nice to meet you," your friend greeted, the two instantly chattering as they both just blew past their introductions to instantly compliment one another's clothes. You smirked, knowing they'd get along famously, and looked around the brand new, packed restaurant.

"Hey, there she is, my pretty girl," Richie greeted smoothly, approaching your standing form to slide his hand around your shoulders.

"Hi, Cousin," you beamed, offering him a hug in greeting. "The place looks fantastic - it's so - I mean - just wow, Richie," you complimented. "You guys did such an amazing job. I need to tell Fak, too, this is - you guys should be so proud, it looks incredible. Hardly can believe what it was before this."

"It really is something, huh?" He grinned. "Hey, Pete," he nodded.

"Hey, Richie."

"And you must be the famous, the fabulous Miss Danielle?"

"That's me," your friend grinned. "You're Richie, right? Carmy's cousin who's not really a cousin but is as good as blood?"

"Yes, ma'am, the very same," he nodded with pride. "We've some drinks coming your way in just a moment, but I need to borrow Peach for just one second."

"Why do they call her Peach?" Dani asked, but Richie was leading you away as Pete was heard answering,

"Oh, because she mastered this peach cobbler with Carmy's mom, Donna, and she started the nickname..."

"What's wrong?" You asked softly with a smile as to not give the illusion to others that you were worried. "What can I do to help?"

"No, no, nothing too bad, you were just requested by the Frenchie-French guy."

"Oh, right, that's right, yeah, I can help with that," you sighed gently, smiling as you approached the table. Greeting the two men and women was easy, Richie impressed by your connections in the professional world. Tonight, The Washington Post didn't just dine with them - no, it was also the director of social media for three luxury, designer brands: Jean-Paul.

Yes, the man was so elusive that he just went by Jean-Paul. Fuck a last name!

Either way, it impressed Richie to hear the introductions. The two women were executives in their own companies, names Richie didn't catch because he was busy taking note of the way Mr. Frenchie-French was basically eye fucking you in front of them all.

"Well," Richie smiled stiffly, "tonight's incredibly special for us. In fact, uh, Y/N's boyfriend is the owner and head chef."

"Really?" Frenchie-French perked his brows, shifting his gaze over to you. "You always had a soft spots for chefs, non? For those who were versed in the culinary arts?"

"Well, mostly I appreciated a man in the kitchen simply because I burn water and would probably unintentionally starve myself," you teased easily, deflecting the man's subtle dig. "I'm actually here with family tonight, so, please, ladies and gentlemen, enjoy tonight - I know I'm biased when I say the food is exceptional, but I look forward to your own opinions."

"We will talk later, mon cher, I am sure there will be plenty to discuss," the Frenchman promised, kissing the back of your hand as you let Richie lead you away by your free hand.

You released a long sigh, muttering, "Bring them a bottle of real champagne, please, Richie, I had a few bottles imported just for them. Listen closely," you lowered your voice as you both paused on the side of the dining room, "bring them a bowl of thin sliced strawberries sprinkled in sugar and pop the cork at their table - it's impressive for whatever reason."

Richie pecked your temple and gave you a tight squeeze, "I got it all covered, girly. You all right? Look like you're gonna be sick?"

"Just men being men grosses me out, I guess," you sighed with a small shrug. "He's always had a thing for me, I figured I'd use that to get him here tonight - Carmy's work speaks for itself, but maybe he'd be inclined to publish an article or two for us if I play nice."

Richie paused you a few feet from your table, complimenting, "I hope Carmy knows he doesn't deserve you, Peach."

"You said years ago neither of us did," you smirked gently. "Said I wasn't relationship material, right? Remember?"

"I was wrong," he nodded. "I even said y'all would never be serious, but..." He scoffed to himself, "I've never seen that boy so crazy about anyone in his life. You've really changed him, Peach. I don't really know how to thank you."

"You can start by buttering up those flirty Frenchmen," you teased, giving his cheek a peck.

"On it," he winked, parting from your side.

Inside the kitchen some twenty minutes later, Richie approached Carmy, directing his attention, "Cousin?"

"Yo."

"Peach is on 17 with Pete."

"Okay."

"Go say hi."

"Yeah, eventually," Carmy nodded absently, never halting his work.

"Eventually?" Richie repeated with distain, something in his stomach twisting.

"Where the fuck is Josh!?" Carmy called into the kitchen, another chef echoing his concerns.

"Yo!" Richie barked as calmly as he could, "Just go say hi to your girl, Cousin."

"Yo, I'll go when I have a minute," Carmy deflected strongly. "I'm in the fuckin' shit, leave me the fuck alone."

"What? I'm saying - "

"I'll get there when I can get there!"

"I'm saying!"

"What?" Carmy barked.

"She's got important fucking people in that dining room, man," Richie scoffed, hands held up in defense. "Just for your ungrateful ass! Maybe the least you can do is go say fuckin' hi - even if you're fuckin' busy. She knows that, it'd be a nice gesture - or whatever fuckin' shit - I don't know! She's your girl!"

"Yeah! Exactly!" Carmy barked. "She's my fuckin' girl, she knows the fuckin' drill, I'll go say fuckin' hi when I get the fuckin' chance, Richie! Fuck's sake! Always tryna meddle and shit!"

"Jesus, fuck," Richie sighed, turning out of the kitchen with his hands waving Carmy off in defeat.

You were none the wiser, entertained by Pete and Dani's gabbing as Sugar was in-and-out, dealing with all the little things going wrong. These little things came to her in the form of notes left at the table subtly for her to go solve, you wanting to help but being shot down every time. Eventually, Carmy was approaching your table with a tray of food, shocking you slightly.

"Hey, Peach," He greeted softly, lowering the tray to balance on the table and lean over to kiss your cheek. "You look gorgeous, baby, wow," he complimented in a whisper, offering another quick kiss.

"Thank you, Chef," you smiled brightly, touching his forearm in a sign of affection. "What's all this you've got for us?"

He hummed and explained what he set on the table in front of you guys; eyes alight and cheeks flushed from the heat of the kitchen. He poured whatever sauce came with the main dish, smiling at Dani, nodding to Pete, then looking to you.

"I'll check on you later, all right, baby?" He mumbled, watching you nod. "I gotta get back," he whispered, "but thank you for being here, my pretty girl."

"No where else I'd rather be, Cream," you rushed, letting his lips find yours briefly.

"Stick around after, would you? When we close, just... Don't leave yet."

"Yes, Chef," you whispered against his lips with a grin. He gave one single more kiss before pulling away to stand upright.

"Enjoy," he bid the table before walking away.

"So, like," Dani trailed after making sure Carmy was out of earshot, "when's the wedding? 'Cause that might've been the cutest thing I've seen. I mean, opening night, he's cooking, but paused to come serve us? Serve you? And he's so soft with you, kissin' you, bein' all cute," she pouted dramatically. "I want a reason to wear a maid of honor dress, please."

"Hey, hey, chill on us. There's no wedding," you sighed with a small laugh, trying to play off how the subject made your stomach twist. "We haven't really talked about it, you know? No biggie."

"What?" She sputtered. "Wait, hang on. Y'all have been together - like - a stupid, ridiculous amount of time. The fuck you mean you haven't talked about it? What are y'all doing, just ignoring the elephant in the room?"

You shrugged lightly, "I don't know, we know if we ever got married, it'd be to each other, but that's really it. We know we want to be together, we know we want to marry each other, but there's been no serious conversation about it."

"Uh, does that sound right to you?" Dani asked Pete.

He shook his head as you all took dainty bites of food to savor the flavors (and save Sugar some). "When I knew with Natalie, I didn't hesitate."

"Well, Carmy isn't like you, Pete," you defended. "He's got a lot on his plate, too, you know?"

"You've said that since Mikey," Dani frowned, her voice quiet.

"With good reason, don't you think? Carmy's just - he's just going through a lot right now and it's a challenge, you know?"

"No, it's more like Carmy's got the emotional intelligence of a fucking teaspoon!"

"Hey," you snapped, "that's not his fault, he doesn't know much better, so watch your mouth."

"He does with you, like... He knows better when he's with you, when it comes to you, Peach," Pete offered softly. "Look, maybe Danielle has a point - it is a little weird. I mean, you guys have been together, what? Six, almost seven years? Creeping up on a decade of just dating - that's a long time. And didn't you guys do that weird little half-dating thing for two years before making it official? Don't you think that's enough time to know if you want to marry someone, and then, you know? Actually marry them? Or at least ask them?"

"Sure, maybe to other people, but Carmy and I have never been conventional, so, I don't see why we need to start now."

Danielle scoffed, "Look, God love Carmy and everything, but you're just wasting time now. He needs to either commit or let you find someone who can actually love you like you deserve."

"Oh, and Carmy doesn't?"

"Wasn't all that long ago that you two took a break 'cause he called you clingy - and some other unsavory terms," Danielle shrugged. "Doesn't really sound like someone who loves you unconditionally - the way you should be loved."

You sighed and sat back in your chair, "I appreciate the insight, but Carm and I are fine. Okay? We've got years under our belts, we don't want to fuck up what obviously works for us so chill out on the questions, okay? I don't have answers to them."

Danielle and Pete shared a look before the man got up to excuse himself to the restroom. You and Dani finished your meals before sipping your wine, waiting for Pete, but Dani sighed, "This lady's been staring in here for, like, ten minutes already. It's freezing, doesn't she want to come in?"

"Hmm? What're you - ?"

"This lady on the street," your friend pointed over her shoulder towards the window her back was now turned to.

When you peaked out, you gasped lightly when you saw Donna Berzatto smoking a cigarette. "Oh, shit!" You stood from your seat, rushing, "Okay, so, uh, yeah - just - can you just sit here for a second? I have to go handle that."

"Who is it?" Dani wondered earnestly.

"I got it, Peach," Pete told you, passing by the table swiftly with a hand patting your shoulder to keep you at your table.

"What the hell's happening?" Dani asked. "Who is that?"

"Nothing, no one, it's okay, I think that's someone we know, just, uh, hang on a second? We'll be right back."

"Sure," she nodded in confusion, watching you get from your seat and follow Pete out the door onto the blistering cold sidewalk.

"Hey, Mama Donna," you greeted happily, arms crossing over your chest to protect from the wind. "Have you been inside yet? We saved you a seat and all, but isn't this - just wow?" You grinned, trying to encourage her to say anything about her children's hard work.

"Oh, no, no, not you, too, Peach, why are you here?" She groaned lightly, looking upset and close to tears.

"I'm here 'cause of Carmy? I-It's opening night, yeah?" You offered in confusion. "Why? What's wrong, Mama D?" You worried, glancing at an emotional Pete.

"No, it's just, I can't come in, I can't, just no," she backed away, only now making you notice the way Pete cried. "I'm so sorry, Peach, honey, but I was never here. Okay? I-I'll call them later, I swear, I promise, I'll call them - but I-I-I wasn't here. Okay? You can't tell them I was here. I'm so sorry."

"Donna, don't do this," you begged, head shaking. "Don't, please. Just come in with Pete and I - just sit there for a bit. Just come in and see what your kids have done - Donna, it's so beautiful. You'd be so proud, but you should really see it for yourself - "

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I can't, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, not tonight, no, I'm sorry, I can't," she deflected in a rambling mumble, turning and hustling down the sidewalk with her head shaking like a Etch-A-Sketch.

You rounded on Pete, "What the hell was that? Pete, what just happened?"

"Um, I-I don't - I didn't mean to."

"Pete? What didn't you mean?"

"She didn't tell her mom about the baby," he rushed, tears falling. "Nat didn't tell Donna, Peach, and I think I just did - I think I just fucked up and told her."

"Oh, no... No, Pete, you didn't."

"I didn't mean to! I swear it was an accident!"

"No, I know you didn't mean to, honey," you rushed, opening your arms to bring him in for a tight hug. "Oh, you poor boy, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Pete."

He sighed, "I'm sorry, too, Peach."

"For what?"

"That... We fell in love with Berzattos and this is our new normal now, right?" He sniffled.

You half-smiled, "Yeah, something like that. But it's okay. See, where Donna's afraid to give her love, neither of us are. Sugar and Carm deserve that from us, right? To be authentic and just love them?"

He nodded, "Yeah, you're right."

"And that's all we gotta do... Is love them, Pete."

"God knows where else they'd get it," he huffed, wiping his face. "Hey, um, I'll be in, in a second - I just need a minute alone, I think, in the cold."

"Take all the time you need," you agreed.

"We're not - we're not telling them about this, right?"

You sighed, "No, I don't think so - at least right now. It might hurt them more, you know? To know Donna was here, but never came in. That she ran away... Again. It'll hurt, they deserve to be happy about tonight."

Pete nodded rapidly, looking like he was gonna burst into tears. Instead of going back inside, you just moved to Pete's side and stood there; producing a cigarette, lighting it, offering Pete a drag that he turned down, and the both of you just standing silently; one smoking, one crying, both processing.

"Wow, look at these gorgeous ladies! By far the baddest in the whole place! Yeah, man!" Fak teased as he approached you and Danielle after closing the The Bear officially. "What a privilege to have you both dine with us this evening! Ugh, truly an honor to see you both here," he praised comically, evening giving a small bow that his brother mimicked.

Your eyes rolled, "You're laying it on really thick when I already tipped you." He snickered with Theo. "Hey, seriously, though, tonight was incredible. I mean, it was all so beautiful, you should all be so proud."

"Oh, we are," Neil giggled, his brother hanging off his shoulders.

"Good," you teased. "Uh, is now an okay time to go back and see him? Kinda wanna offer my compliments to the chef directly, you know?"

"No," Fak answered instantly, "uh, well, probably not the best time."

"Yeah, probably not," Theodore echoed.

"I can sense you two ramping up to something," you sighed, "so, I'm gonna ask you skip all that and tell me what's wrong. Why can't I go see my boyfriend? He just had an incredibly successful opening night, I kinda wanna kiss him if you don't mind."

"Um, well, h-he didn't want you to worry, so, he said not t'tell you, but, uh... Yeah, no, Carmy's, like, locked in the walk-in freezer. Han Solo style."

"What?"

"Locked in the walk-in," Fak nodded rapidly, "yeah, no, the handle - like, the whole handle came off. He's locked in, Peach..."

"Oh, my fucking God," you breathed. "Are you saying he - he missed opening night? Neil!"

"Yeah, kinda... Well, sorta - I mean, technically, but - "

"Oh, Jesus," you breezed past them all.

"Mmm-mmm, the fridge guy's name is Terry," Tina corrected Carmy, flinching a little when he slapped the other side of the metal door he was locked behind.

"See, th-tha-that's what I'm talking about!" Carmy raged. "I'm so fucking distracted, and for what? For fucking what? 'Cause of a girl?" He chuckled ruefully to himself.

"Nuh-uh, don't do that, Carmy," Tina scolded. "That's not no girl, that's your girl, that's Peach - you don't lash out at her, baby."

"Yo, maybe - maybe I'm just not built for this. Right? Maybe that's okay! Maybe that just is. She'd be better off, Tina... I'm just - I'm not built for this."

But what Carmy didn't hear was Sydney asking Tina to cover her at the front because she needed to step out the back, get some air; Tina accepting and telling Carm to hang on a moment. Something he missed. While Tina took Syd's spot, Syd rushed outside, and you slipped in the kitchen door; Carmy being surrounded by shitty ripped tape and an entire side full of the flowers he had brought in for tonight - for you. It was a haunting reminder; something suffocating.

When you got to the walk-in, you were prepared to call out for Carmy, but he started speaking from within, halting any word on your tongue.

"I wasn't here b-because I was looking a-a-at fucking engagement rings when the fridge guy fuckin' called," Carmy ranted, your heart stalling in your chest. "Right? Like, what the fuck was I thinking? Like I was gonna get married? Commit to this relationship? Be h-her fucking husband or some shit? Have a fucking wife? I'm a fucking - I'm a fuckin' psycho!" He laughed a little, the tears springing to your eyes as his words disarmed your heart and emotional dam. "That's why! That's why I'm good at what I do! That's how I operate! I am the best because I didn't have any of this fuckin' bullshit, right? I could - I could focus and I could concentrate and I had a routine and I - and I had fuckin' cell reception, and Peach and I just had our own routine! We didn't need this extra bullshit, and now..."

You just listened, leaning on the freezer's door, tears silently leaking down your cheeks as you had the horrendous realization that you were what now slowed Carmy down. You were what currently stood in his way, when this whole time, you thought you were helping; making things easier; supporting him. No... No, his words rattled your heart to accept that you were now the bane; the object of his ire. You and your relationship was what was wrong and was causing Carmy hurt and professional complications.

Something you never wanted to contribute towards. You both always said if this relationship got to be too hard, you'd walk away. Better to feel anger than resentment; and now, you knew you had to walk away else risk that resentment fester.

Carmy started up again, "I don't need to provide amusement or enjoyment, I don't need to be someone's 'to have and to hold'. I don't need to receive any amusement or enjoyment, nor for someone to have and hold me... And I'm completely fine with that. Because no amount of good is worth how terrible this fucking feels." You were ready to open your mouth, but he finished by nailing the final nail in the coffin of your relationship, "It's just a complete waste of fuckin' time - entertaining what I know I shouldn't. Being in this relationship, trying to give what I don't have, wasting everyone's time."

You took your chance, speaking through your tears, "I'm really sorry you feel that way, Carmen."

"Peach?" Carmy rasped from behind the door, sounding more alert than he had before. "Baby? Hey, hey, Peaches? That you? Peach - hey. Hey," he sounded desperate as you backed away from the door, a fist pounding into the metal, "hey, no, Y/N? Y/N!" The seriousness settled over you both, Carmen understanding you heard a lot more than ever intended and once those words are out there, there's no getting them back. "Y/N, baby? Hey, no, no, Y/N - listen to me - hey, no, no! I-I didn't know you were there, baby, okay? No, Y/N, please - tell me you're there now, let me explain." He paused. "Let me explain! Please! C'mon, baby, please, let me fucking explain - tell me you're still there! Y/N? Y/N!"

You sniffled and walked away, feeling smaller than you ever had in your life. You barely noticed when the kitchen door opened, not until a figured dressed in black stopped you. "Peach? Hey, hey," Richie halted you - taking note of the tears. "What's wrong? What happened? Are you okay - who fuckin' did it?"

You just stared at Richie for a long moment, opening your mouth twice before sighing and smiling sadly. "I never wanted to be what got in his way," you whispered sadly. "I'm sorry, Richie."

"Peaches, hey, what's - "

But you reached up to kiss his cheek, "Tonight was so beautiful, Cousin, and I'm so fucking proud of you all. Thank you for everything - not just tonight, Richie, but everything you do." You smiled again, whispering, "Take care of him. Okay? He'll need you."

"What're you talking about? What's going on? Where are you going? Hey, where are you going, Peach, please?"

"Have a good night, Richie, I love you," you whispered, leaving out the kitchen door as quickly as you could. "Hey," you sniffled, approaching Dani with the Fak Brothers, "can we go now, please?"

"Are you okay?" Dani worried in shock.

"I'd really like to go, Dani, please," you rushed, throwing your coat on and smiling at the Brothers as if your heart wasn't in pieces. "Thanks again for tonight, you guys, it was magical."

"Peach? Wait, hey, are you okay, baby? What just happened?" Neil worried, watching you snatch Dani's hand, but pause when screaming was heard from the kitchen. Everyone stared at the door, Neil muttering, "The fuck are they...?"

"Now, Dani, please," you whimpered to your friend, who wasted no time in escorting you out of The Bear. The moment you were outside, you burst into sobs, Dani grunting a little as she lead you down a side alley to lean you on a brick wall and beg you to breathe normally.

"What the hell just happened? Hey, honey, you need to breathe," she smoothed hair off your face - but it was like you were drowning in the air with the way you gasped and gaped and panted and whimpered and choked yourself.

"I-I-I-I think - I think w-we're done, I think we're done, I think - oh, fuck - I think we just broke up," you sobbed, hands on your knees. "Oh, my God, Dani," you whimpered, "I-I think - I think we're done, Danielle, oh, my fucking God. I-I heard things tonight that I just - I can't not know, anymore! He said - fuck! He was just so candid, he didn't know I was there so h-he was sayin' things I have t-to now confront - and I really didn't fucking want to! He just - he doesn't want to really marry me, D, and-and-and he was apparently looking a-a-a-at rings - fucking engagement rings! But then he said that w-was the issue - he missed the fridge guy's call 'cause he was looking at fucking rings for me and this is why he missed opening night - 'cause the fucking fridge broke! Oh, my God, Danielle, i-i-it's my fault, it's my fucking fault, he missed the most important night of his life and it's my fault - "

You were cut off by your stomach lurching, emptying your insides onto the pavement. The delicious appetizer, the tantalizing main course, Marcus' fresh baked bread that was delightfully soft on the inside yet baked crisp on the outside, and every bit of the sweetened dessert - all wasted on Chicago bricks.

"Okay, okay, ah, shit, just get it out, babe, there you go," Danielle held your hair, catching you in a suffocating hug once you were done puking. "I've got you, babe, I've got you. You're okay, no, hey, this isn't your fault. I've got you, come on. I think we need pints of ice cream and the saltiest pretzels we can find," she pushed some hair from your sticky forehead, pouting dramatically, "maybe some Pepto? Few Saltines and ginger ale? C'mon, we're going back to mine, there's a good girl," she coaxed you from the ground and away from the wall, "c'mon, you're stronger than this. There's my girl, here we go, just one foot in front of the other - together, with me, just like that."

You sobbed, not knowing that Sydney and her father stood listening just a few feet away behind a set of dumpsters.

The moment the freezer's door was open and Carmy was free, he was sprinting around the kitchen to grab his coat, leave Neil in charge of closing, and racing out the door as the Fak Brothers yelled at him for hurting your feelings.

"Hey, hey, hey, Chef! Carmy, wait!" Sydney chased him outside.

"No time!"

"Wait! She went with her friend!"

Carmy came to a tripping halt, catching himself before he hit the pavement before whirling around to approach her, "What?"

"Her friend? She was with some girl tonight?"

"Yeah - yeah, yeah, yeah, uh, um, that's - yeah, that's Danielle," Carmy nodded. "Her best friend, yeah, they were here tonight, sitting with Pete and Sugar."

"Listen, Carmy, I heard them when they left the restaurant... Peach was really upset, like, more upset than I've ever heard, saying you two broke up? Or something? She cried so hard, Carm, she actually threw up, it sounded like she was in genuine distress. I-I didn't know if I should've intervened, but her friend was with her and helping."

"Shit - fuck - Goddamnit," he seethed. "All right, thank you - "

"I doubt they went to your place, I think I heard her friend saying they were going to her apartment."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, great, I know where Dani lives, thanks Syd!" Carmy bid, sprinting in the other direction - never bothering with the public bus system, just running into the night. Sydney was left to sigh on the sidewalk, Neil and Theo joining her before Richie followed - all watching Carmy disappear down the sidewalk.

"He's a fucking idiot," Richie shook his head.

"What the hell even happened?" Syd asked.

"Carmy mouthed off in the walk-in, Peach heard it all," Richie supplied. "You know the dumbass was gonna propose tonight?"

"What?" Syd blinked in shock.

"Yeah," Neil tacked on, "we had a whole plan and everything. Candles, soft music, flowers - there's a bunch of flower bouquets in the walk-in."

"I'm sure that was hard for Carm to look at," Syd sympathized.

"Doesn't excuse whatever he said," Richie snapped. "She looked devastated."

"She cried so hard, she threw up in the alley," Syd frowned.

"How do you know?" Neil asked.

"I heard her," the other chef frowned. "My dad and I - we actually both heard her."

"Jesus fuck," Richie seethed.

"I mean... Should we still set up?" Theo wondered to his brother. "What if they kiss and make up, like always? Carmy might still wanna go through with the proposal, right? You know?"

"Maybe," Neil trailed, looking at Richie.

"I don't fucking know," he sighed, hands on his hips.

"She thinks they broke up, I imagine whatever she heard was pretty nasty," Sydney frowned. "Think they'll really make up tonight?"

"Let's hope," Richie sighed. "That fuckin' idiot isn't gonna find anyone better than Peach. Fuck," he looked around the city street. "All right, fuck it, fine, let's fucking set up. Not like the jackass deserves it, but let's do it for Peach."

Neil and his brother grinned at each other, turning to hustle back into The Bear - leaving Sydney and Richie on the street. No words were exchanged, just silent shakes of their heads before they followed the Faks with the intention to help set up for a proposal nobody even knew if would still happen.

The cold night burned Carmy's lungs, but it was nothing compared to the feeling of suffocation he felt earlier when listening to one of your voicemails while trapped.

Your words were sweet as pie, as they usually were; a voicemail left when you were still at work, but feeling so excited to see him that night that you just had to call him. You reminded him of the adoration and love you held for him, relaying how proud you felt - and that you knew Mikey would be, too. You were always doing that, reassuring Carmy; and maybe that's why he felt so freaked out, he wasn't used to it. Even after almost 7 years together, he just wasn't used to what he didn't know he deserved.

Because Carmy didn't think he deserved anything remotely close to love, understanding, compassion, patience, and / or reassurance.

He had sobbed out loud as he locked his phone, not having the heart to delete your message. He often never did - he liked listening to your voice on long, hard nights; it brought him peace when the world felt too loud. He also kept whatever little notes you left for him, even going as far as to get a few of your hand-drawn hearts tattooed on his forearm. One for each anniversary you've shared together. He realized he never wanted to be without you and all his doubts and fear was him projecting his own incompetence towards this relationship; so, he locked his phone, he didn't delete your message.

The moment the fridge door had been opened, Carmy was out of there, shot off like a Roman Candle - your words of love and understanding still ringing in his ears as he was freed. He needed to apologize, and he needed to apologize right fucking now.

The whole run to Danielle's apartment, Carmy wasn't sure what to say to you; mulling over different ideas in his head. He tried to plan his speech, but the only thing he could think of was how much he loved you and that the ring in his pocket weighed a hundred pounds.

He pounded at Danielle's door. Carmy paced slightly as he waited, knocking frantically, and surely waking the neighbors - but that didn't matter. All that mattered was talking to you, something he was desperate to accomplish. When the door opened, your friend offered a stale look and shook her head, "Nope."

"Dani, please," he halted the closing door, "it's all a misunderstanding, I swear to God, please, just - let me try to fix this. Please, okay? I-I need her - I fucking need her and I have to fix this 'cause she's all that matters, okay? So, let me talk to her - please. Please, Danielle!"

"Yeah? The only thing?"

"More than anyone, more than anything - more than The fucking Bear, I swear to fucking God, Danielle! Just - Just one chance, please. I-I don't know how it all got so fucked, but please, I have to try - "

"Whatever you said in that freezer, Carmen, fucking gutted her, you hear me?" Dani stood in her doorway protectively. "Should've had your ass frozen for the hurt you caused her. How the fuck do you intend on making this right? Huh? It's been almost a fucking decade, dude, if you're seriously still afraid of commitment, just fuck off and leave her alone. Let her walk away 'cause I promise, there's a line of dudes who would love to put a ring on her loyal-ass finger - "

"Please, let me fix this," Carmy begged, sounding close to tears. "I need her, Danielle, please."

"It's okay, D," a voice whispered from behind Danielle, and when she turned, you were revealed - jacket and purse in hand, looking completely exhausted, drained, and disheveled. "I'm just tired, Dani, but we have to talk about this... So, I'll go home with him and call you tomorrow, okay?"

"You sure?"

"It's a decent walk, gives us too much time to talk," you shrugged, refusing to meet Carmy's bloodshot eyes. "Thanks for tonight, sorry I was such a mess," you whispered, hugging your best friend since pre-school.

"Girl, don't you ever apologize to me. But hey, look, I don't know, you were just drowning in your tears, like, five minutes ago. Sure you really wanna go? You can stay here as long as you'd like, girl, fuck him."

"Better to work it out now than later, I guess," you whispered, letting her kiss your cheek and see you guys out.

"She calls me cryin', Carmen, I'll kick your ass," She threatened as you moved down the apartment's hall. You might've snickered just a little, but the amusement was wiped clean when you rounded the corner and came up to the elevators.

Now that it was just you two, it was dreadfully awkward.

"Baby - "

"Just - don't talk for right now, Carmen," you sighed, shaking your head. "I'm still digesting all you said."

He frowned when you walked onto the elevator without a single emotion on your face, following you, and when on the ground floor, moved out to head home. It was quiet, it was awkward; only the sounds of traffic filling the space between you as you walked.

"Listen," he started with a long sigh, "you came in at the worst time, Peach, heard some shit you shouldn't have that I-I didn't even mean. I was just," he paused, sighing, "really angry and frustrated, fucking running my mouth 'cause I didn't know what else to do."

"Sounded like I came in at the best time since you're not very forthcoming with emotions. So, hearing your confession put a lot in perspective for me, Carm."

"I was just angry, Peach," he frowned, hands deep in his pockets. "Felt like I was self sabotaging myself, I wasn't sure what else to feel. So, I just lashed out. I didn't mean it, but I just felt like being angry... So fucking angry, baby, I just - I didn't know what else to feel."

"I don't know if I can be with someone like that," you whispered. "Someone who throws our relationship under the bus when he's angry, someone who's first line of defense is apparently to blame the relationship he's been in for over half a decade with the same girl. Someone you've known your whole life..."

"Peach - "

"If it's that easy for you to just disregard us, I don't think we should continue this."

Carmy took a breath and reached out to pull you to a stop. He dug in his pocket for a moment, then showed you the black velvet jewelry box. "I was gonna propose tonight, when everyone was gone," he explained when you took the box to open gingerly. "I think because that was on my mind already, something I was more than nervous to actually do, you're right, it did become my first line of defense to blame us - not just you, baby, but us. You and me... Mostly me, though," he chuckled sadly. "You're this perfect, sweet angel who just loves me out loud when I don't deserve it, and I'm... I'm just me," he sighed, eyes reddening. "And I know I'm never gonna be enough for you, I think I started to get in my head about if you said no. How I missed the call from Terry about the fridge 'cause I was picking out an engagement ring that you didn't even want, that you rejected - rejected me; and in turn, I missed opening night, and it all just - it got to a boiling point. Look, Peach, it's never been a secret that I don't think I deserve you... But I wanted to be the man that could at least give you an honest try of my best. You've stuck by me the past seven years when you should've ran for the hills, and I knew I wanted us for life years ago - but everything was still so up in the air. So confusing. So fucked up. I figured, after opening tonight, if things went t'plan, I could propose - prove to you that we're on our feet and there weren't any rugs to be pulled."

"What if things didn't go to plan?" You whispered.

"We're kinda living it now," he admitted, hand rubbing the back of his neck. "But even if tonight was all a total failure, I know I might've still done it because it's you, Peach. It's you... I've known for years you're who I want, I just never knew how to do this - to move us forward. You're my first relationship, hopefully my only relationship, and I just didn't know how to advance us. I think when things got real for me, my insecurities crept in, and I just reacted - I didn't think."

"We always said when this wasn't healthy or when this wasn't good for us anymore, we'd walk away," you reminded. "That we'd rather be sad or angry about a breakup instead of letting resentment fester from being together."

"It's still good for me, Peach, we're still good," he whispered, stepping closer. "Is it still good for you? Or did I lose you completely tonight?"

"I don't know, Carmy, you've been lashing out a lot lately. At me specifically."

"And with The Bear now open, I-I should be okay. You know? Back to normal?"

You chuckled dryly, "I see, back to your high walls? Emotional constipation?"

"Then maybe not normal," he corrected, "because I just needed to get us here, to tonight, to opening, and then show you that it's over. Show you that part of our lives is over and we only have more adventures to look forward to. Not ones like this, though," he gestured up the street, your eyes cutting over and realizing you were back at The Bear.

"Do you really think you're a psycho?"

He chuckled, "After tonight? Yeah, pretty convinced... Plus, I, uh, I saw in the freezer the way we're labeling things - and got angry about it. Angry about the way we were tearing tape and labeling things. It was so fucking stupid, but I just - I felt so crazy. I still do, I still feel like my head doesn't make sense and I'm a bit, you know... Crazy."

You nodded slowly, "Then how can you promise me this kinda shit won't happen again?"

"I don't think I can, but I can make you the promise that I am working on it; trying to identify when I feel reactive, trying to calm that down. I'm trying, Peach, I really am - it's just... Taking a lot of time," he sighed sadly. "And I know you don't have any more left to give me."

"I've already given you this many years," you reminded softly, "I think I could spare another or two if it meant you getting your shit together, that you get better, stop feeling so crazy."

"I don't deserve anymore time - "

"I think you need to step back and reevaluate what it means to be deserving because you always say that. That you don't deserve something - even as simple as time. Everyone deserves time and opportunity to figure shit out, Carmy, and you're no exception."

He nodded, "I'm... Trying." He took a long, deep breath, "I'm, uh... Going to meetings, you know, like, uh, Al-Anon and whatever."

"That's good, they're there to help," you nodded, stepping closer to take his hands in yours after closing the ring box and stuffing it back in his pocket. "Now, I think you need to do something."

"Anything, Peach."

"Take my hand, bring me back to The Bear, and go about your plan."

He froze in shock, blinking at you in earnest, "You really mean that?"

"Do I look like I'm joking?"

"No, ma'am, and I think that scares me more."

"You'd rather break up? 'Cause at this point, Carm, we either move forward with this engagement and fucking work our shit out, or we break up. It's been almost a decade. It's your choice, you're the one who was saying he couldn't be someone's husband, that he didn't need to provide anyone nor have them provide you with anything. So, you tell me what you want to do - because all I know is that I love you, I want you for life, but not if you're going to resent me and regret moving our relationship forward. I don't need to get married, Carmy, but you can't keep jerking me around like you have been. So... Make a decision based on what you want - based on what's best for you. Not what's best for us, but put yourself first right now, Carmy, and make a decision about what you want."

With a nod of his head, Carmy cleared his throat and offered you his hand. When he felt you lock your fingers with his, he glanced up and down the street, then lead you across it. Up the sidewalk and to the front door of The illuminating Bear, he paused to produce his keys and then lead you inside.

The lights were dim, but a flip of the switch brightly lit up the newly constructed restaurant. He seemed nervous at your cool demeanor, watching you shed your coat and set your purse down; but his hand took yours again and lead you further into the place. He seemed nervous, but once in the kitchen, it was almost like Carmy's stress melted away.

"I was... I had this plan," he explained softly, leaning on one of the work stations with both hands in yours to keep you in front of him. "I have all these candles, right? Was gonna distract you in here," he looked around the fluorescent lighting, "while Richie, Fak, Tina, and the others set everything up. We'd hang in here after the place was closed down, you know, show you around the completed kitchen. And really casually, I'd ask if you were ready to go, so, we'd go out the front, and we'd walk right into the candlelight..."

"Yeah?" He nodded, thumbs running over your hands as he pushed off the counter. "Don't deviate from your plan now..."

Carmy smirked, "Wanna hear the boring kitchen stuff?"

"Of course, I do."

So, he lead you around in a tour of the kitchen; showing off the new office space that he invited you to take advantage of whenever you wanted. The sleek appliances were shown off, the vast fridges, freezers, new cutlery, state-of-the-art dishwashers. Everything, he showed you, knowing you helped him pick a lot of it out - it was still nice to see it all come together finally.

And then, slowly, he lead you out of the kitchen, but to your honest shock, the dining room was covered in lit candles and different bouquets of thick, gorgeous floral arrangements. "Oh, holy shit," you breathed, Carmy hiding his confusion much better than you.

You came to a slow halt in the middle of the room, the lights out and only leaving the candles to provide an ambiance. "I had this whole speech planned, too," Carmy told you softly. "Remind you of the day we met, how you saved me from those jackass bullies - remember?"

You smiled softly, emotions swirling in your chest, "First day of first grade, you had a Buzz Lightyear backpack and some kids were picking on you 'cause of it."

"And what did you do?"

You felt bashful remembering, but humored him by answering, "Pushed their faces in the mud at recess and made them apologize."

"You've been my best friend since that day," he nodded, bringing you in a few steps closer. "And when we got to high school, my feelings changed. You weren't just my best friend, but the girl I was madly in love with... Took me a couple years to buck up the courage to ask you out officially, though."

"Sure took your sweet time," you whispered with a smile, "but all good things to those who wait, right?"

"And I think you've waited long enough for a man to be who you deserve," he frowned. "All these years - it's been you at my side. You even - fuck - you even came over to Amsterdam for a bit because I was feeling overwhelmed and lonely. Sad, maybe even a little homesick. But you just - you just showed up like it was the most common thing in the world."

You chuckled through your tears, "Yeah, we had some good times on that boat, didn't we?"

He nodded with a softening smile, pushing hair from your face and behind your ear; pausing to hold your cheek carefully. "And when we came back stateside... You were still the only constant presence in my life. You were my family without blood, and I knew after that Christmas that you'd forever be my other half, and I'd spend my life conveying how grateful I am for you. I just - I never knew how to put it into words until now."

"What changed?"

"Realizing that I wanted to marry you years ago - and I should've. I know I shouldn't have drug my feet with us, delay our inevitable, because honestly? I couldn't see my life without you in it and I knew I needed you with me forever. Peach," he frowned, reaching for your other cheek, "we agreed when this wasn't healthy, we'd walk away - I remember that. But I need you to know, I'll never fucking regret you. I'll never resent you. You've been unwaveringly supportive and loving and... And I've been the luckiest man to experience it all. But now," he pushed himself a step closer so he was hovered over your lips, "I know that you deserve someone just as present in this relationship as you are. I knew once The Bear was done, I was done - I was done beating this bush around and wasting time. I knew what I needed to do because the idea of you not being in my life anymore terrifies me more than anything. I don't remember life without you, Peach, and I don't ever want to know what it's like. So," he cleared his throat, "here, in the restaurant I so desperately wanted to give up on so many times, but you always stopped me, I wanted to make this official. I wanted it to be here to show you that the past year of our turmoil - it's fucking over, Peach. We did it," he whispered, "and now, the next and only thing I want to focus on is us."

Carmy readjusted you both for a little bit of space, holding your left hand tightly as he lowered himself to a single knee; looking up at you with those big, wide, sad blue eyes that were growing redder by the passing second. The candlelight created a romantic atmosphere that cocooned you both in a warm embrace, the flowers around you projecting their floral scent.

"So, I need to ask you something real important, baby," he whispered, his throat bobbing to restrain his emotion that clawed up his throat, "because if I don't, I don't think I could breathe again." He cleared his throat, pulling the ring box from his pocket and opening it to present to you officially. "Y/F/N Y/M/N Y/L/N... My sweetest Peach, I've loved you almost my entire life, you're my best friend, my most loyal and sweetest confidant. You make me want to be a man better than I was yesterday and never before have I ever seriously considered marriage - until you. Now? Now, I can't get the idea out of my head, so, my sweet girl," he took another breath, the tears in his eyes swelling and slowly dripping down his cheeks as you slowly got on your knees in front of him, "I need to ask you... W-Would you do me the honor? Of being my wife?"

"Carmen."

He grinned at you, both with tears down your cheeks. "Will you marry me, Y/N? I can't see my life without you in it, so... I want this, I want you for life. Y/N, will you marry me?" He paused, adding a meek little, "Please?" at the end.

With a deep breath, you slowly reached for his cheeks in a soft caress to wipe his tears; both just staring at one another for a good few moments before a face-splitting grin nearly cracked your lips. "Yes," you finally answered, "yeah, yes, yes, of course, I'll marry you, Carmen, yes!"

"Oh, thank fuckin' God," he laughed, letting you lunge forward to knock him backward in a hug - missing the candles arranged in a small circle for you two to stand in. Carmy laughed loudly, happily, giving you a tight squeeze as he mused, "Had my heart beatin' outta my chest for a second there, Peach."

"Oh, please," you laughed, "after all this time, you really thought I'd say no?"

He shrugged meekly, "Thought my most recent fuck-ups would've added to any reasons you might have to say no."

"Oh, spare me - you're my best friend, Carmy, you know I couldn't ever say no to you. Not without puking in nervousness."

"Can we maybe not talk about puke when we just got engaged?"

You laughed and nodded, "Fine, fine, fine, then put the ring on, please."

You presented your left manicured hand, watching Carmy almost giddily removed the band from the box, took a slow, deep breath, and then, the most beautiful ring was being slid onto your finger in an official show of your engagement. Of your undying love. Of your commitment, promises, and future together.

"YEAH!" An array of varying cheers and hollers of support and excitement rang out around you; startling both you and Carmy to look up. Richie, Sydney, Tina, Neil, Theo, Pete, and Sugar all hung in the bathroom's alcove - watching with splitting grins and cheering in celebration.

There was no time to question them as Richie lead the charge over; helping you to your feet for a giant, bear hug before gushing over your engagement ring. Neil and Theo popped one of the authentic bottles of champagne, pouring different flutes for those present.

"Calm down," Natalie scolded Richie lightly, "and move out the way, I want to hug my engaged bestie!"

You squealed with Sugar when her arms wrapped around you tightly, Rich moving on to congratulate Carmy - who apologized for his angry words earlier and thanked them for still setting things up. Richie promised it was for you, not Carmy, but still hugged the little shit with a laugh - indicating he was just joking.

"Let me see!" Natalie grinned, examining the ring Carmy chose and squealing again. "Oh, my God! Oh, it's so pretty! Oh, shit - sisters!" She gasped, holding your hands tightly, "We're going to be sisters - like, officially!"

"Sisters in law, but yeah, cupcake," you beamed at her, wiping your tears and giggling. "I can't - this just doesn't feel real," you told her softly, looking the few feet over to see Carmy with the lads as Sydney stood with you and Sugar. "Him proposing? I genuinely thought it wouldn't happen," you tried to laugh your nerves off, looking at your ring and fiddling with it.

"Yeah, right," Sydney laughed. "I haven't been around that long and even I knew this was gonna happen."

"Oh, please, she's right," Natalie grinned when you went to retaliate, "he first started talking about how he wanted to marry you when he was, like, 15. This has been the longest thing coming."

"Thank you guys for helping," you whispered with a smile. "It's all so beautiful."

"Happy to help for a good cause," Syd smiled, complimenting your ring as Neil called for a toast. Everyone was given flutes of champagne, Carmy's arm wrapping around your waist as each friend gave their own little speech, congratulating you both before the alcohol was being drained.

"Uh, and where are you two going?" Sugar asked about an hour later with a small giggle when Carmy wrapped an arm around your neck after helping you into your coat again.

"Gotta celebrate alone with my fiancé," he smirked, "later, guys! Don't forget to lock up!"

"Carmen!" You scolded with a small laugh, gaping at him.

"What? They got this," Carmy chuckled. "Thanks, you guys, see you tomorrow!"

"We can help clean," you told him as he lead you out of the restaurant.

"Nah, we've got bigger plans," he smirked at you. "Got plenty t'celebrate, yeah? Ever fucked as fiancés before?"

"No - but I hear it's some crazy sex," you whispered, locking your arms around his waist to stay close. Neither of you cared about the bus at this hour, opting to walk home in the cold - not that you felt it. Your love burned brighter than the cold biting your skin.

requesting rules and masterlist

The Bear masterlist

1K notes · View notes

lunargrapejuice · 3 months

Text

will we make it through?

diluc ragnvindr x fem!reader | 7.7k + words

warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI, hurt/comfort/smut, oral (receiving), very emotional and loving sex, over stimulation, cream pie, mating press if you squint. i don't think anything else but please let me know if i missed anything!

the doors of the winery seem heavier than usual as diluc pushes them open, the parlor quiet and cold like the night outside and it makes his chest ache as much as his hands that held too tightly onto the hilt of the claymore tonight. usually the manor would blanket him with warmth the moment he stepped inside, especially when he knew you were waiting for him. finally being home, in your arms, simmered the flames of his duties that pushed him to work harder and harder and ignited a softer flame, one of love, more fierce and all consuming.

of late, that flame had been accompanied by a black smoke and uncertainty, clouding the once clear and comfortable distance between you. before it had been enough so that you ran as free as you pleased, for he would never hold you back, but close enough so he could reach out and pull you into him, watch over and protect you. bath in your light and love even when a man as shrouded in darkness and broken as him did not deserve it.

it started off manageable at first. a clench of his fist at his side when he had gone in to kiss you passionately, to convey how much he missed you, but ended up hurting you instead when his fingers tangled into your hair painfully. you yelped out in sudden pain and he pulled away so quickly, as if he had burned you, but it had only made it worse. he had swallowed down the lump in his throat when you sweetly told him it was okay and stood on your toes to kiss him softly but it was only the first of many loving intentions that did not turn out as he hoped.

a pang in his chest when the only time he saw you was when he came home from being the dark knight hero, your tired form half sat up and in an uncomfortable sleep, the light in the bedroom still on and an askew book in your lap. he took great care in tucking you in with gentle movements and felt so badly when you woke up anyways, welcoming him home and whispering ‘i missed you’s before falling back asleep even if you tried to fight it off in order to be with him for just a little longer.

his heart was torn between his selfishness to want these small moments with you and the need to protect you in any way he could, including your health and your sleeping habits. just because his own suffered at the cost of his duties should not mean that yours should too. he needed you to be well and with a reluctant heart told you not to worry about waiting up for him, that your sleep and well-being was far more important.

the distance, that smoke that hidden you from him, had only grown since that day.

reluctant and displeased in your own right, you still did as he asked and stopped waiting for him to return late in the evening, each night getting farther and farther from him, your sleep not improving at all. with the seasons changing it always made the winery grow busier, the threats to the city more eminent and with it all the moments you spent together becoming fewer and fewer. it was agony being away from you, diluc thought each time you popped into his mind, so frequently throughout the day, and yet you continued to be out of his reach, three or more paces ahead and he was falling even more behind.

and as each of you passed by the staff at different times throughout the day, the same light missing from your eyes, they began to wonder if either of you knew the other was in just as much pain.

he trudges through the heaviness of his own whirling thoughts. as if every step he took through the manor the loneliness of years past came flooding back; the coldness of the first night without a father or a brother, ice in his bones and blood on his skin. an untouched room left to collect dust and remained familiar but was not quite home when he returned years later. except this time it wasn’t burned pictures and items full of bittersweet memories that haunted him, it wasn’t secrets and death at his own hands that followed everywhere he went. it was the fog of what was becoming of your relationship that painted his fears in every room he passed.

the emptiness of life without you..

and how could it not when your rescheduled dinners together have become forgotten entirely or when every day it felt like you were no longer on the same page, off sync and so unsure of the others feelings. when he’d go in to kiss your forehead in a brief moment of passing, just for you to move at the wrong moment and instead of a sweet kiss meant to show you his affection, remind you he was thinking of you, you hit heads, hard. you try to act like it wasn’t affecting you too. having you knock quietly on his office door, unaware of the important business partners in front of him but hurrying to apologize and leave before he can excuse himself for a moment to tell you it’s okay and that he’d come find you once he was finished, so please wait for him. thinking he’d have the night off work and you try to surprise him with dinner only to find he would be unable to join you and when he did the same in return, your schedule too wouldn’t allow for it. you smiled despite it all, a silent promise that you were okay even if your eyes told a different story.

to say it had been hard recently would be an understatement, trust him he is feeling it so strongly too. but even if it had been this way and he was getting by, barely, it doesn’t stop how much it rips his heart from his chest when he slips into bed tonight, strong hands with a slightly detectable shake to them caressing your lovely visage, moving hair from your face. he drinks you in, takes in every inch of the person he loves more than anything else in this world, tries to memorize your face like he hadn’t already a thousand times over, like he might never see you again, and with such attention it’s impossible to not see the dried tear streaks on your cheeks in the moonlight coming from the window.

who knew one's heart could feel like it was still beating and breaking outside of their chest while the hole in their ribcage bled without mercy.. diluc felt just that knowing he was the cause of your pain and your tears and he wasn’t here to do a damn thing about it. how many nights had you spent like this while you were trying so hard to be strong? his thumbs caress the soft skin of your cheeks, as if they were attempting to wipe that which had already long passed and make up for a moment he had already missed.

diluc had always thought you deserved better, so much more than him because, even if he would give you the world, surely his darkness would take you like it had others and perhaps that was exactly what-

“‘luc?” your raspy and tired voice brings him from the words that surely wouldn’t be well for his heart but your bleary eyes, slowly blinking open and immediately collecting more tears, are just as telling to what he already knows. your tone wrought with lingering pain that you suffered in alone and it’s killing him, “y‘re home?”

“i’m home,” he assures you, his own voice unsteady as he pulls you close to try to hide, to not let you see the tears pooling in his eyes because he felt them burning the moment yours started to water at the sight of him. right now, in the middle of the night when you were both so close and yet so far, he didn’t know what else to do but try to be strong too and hold you against him while wishing he could carry the pain for you both, even if it broke him.

he can feel you shaking in his arms, knows the wetness of his shirt where your face is buried in his chest is from your silent tears but before he can speak, sooth you with a voice already breaking, your words stop his every function. he swears he’s not even breathing when you weakly ask him.

“diluc.. are- are we going to be okay?”

with the breaking of his heart, his whole body flexes and he holds you so close, in a vice grip you might have found crushing had you not needed it so badly yourself. one hand cradling the back of your head, burying in your hair, the other around your middle and keeping you pressed to him so nothing could get between you. he couldn’t hold back, couldn’t let you go for even a second, like every part of his rationale told him you would slip from his grasp if he gave even an inch.

“yes. of course.” despite the tear escaping him when he speaks, he says the words tenderly, reassuringly, strongly as he believes them, feeling your hands bunch the fabric of his shirt in a tight grip in a silent reply. he could not even begin to imagine a life where you were not together, where you were not beside him until the end of his days. you had to be okay and he would do anything to see that through.

* * *

bustling life in the winery started early in the morning. even if the master bedroom remained quiet and peaceful, the rest of the manor had workers coming and going and maids floating from task to task as soon as the sun began to rise from behind the hills of mondstadt. diluc and the many tasks he had to see to were not immune to the earliest hours of the morning either, no matter how much his body and heart begged him to stay in bed with you.

this morning had been the hardest of all. how was he supposed to leave when you had cried yourself back to sleep in his arms last night and held on to him tightly even in your slumber? when he rose with the sun anyways he did his best to let you rest, with the intention of getting as much work as he could done early before coming to wake you up with breakfast, behind the closed door of your bedroom where it was only the two of you and he could take the time to have a proper discussion and tell you that he loves you.

but it seems yet again you were not aligned when not forty minutes after he settles into his study with large stacks of paper on either side of him, waiting for his immediate attention, you quietly knock on the open door frame and smile. one that makes his chest both flutter and ache.

“morning ‘luc.”

“good morning darling.”

you both say at the same time and are just as quickly flushed with heat and a kindle of hope. he stands from his desk and with long strides makes his way towards you as you stumble over what you were going to say next while diluc falls silent against the strike of the match deep within his heart, so full of conviction and the truth of the words he spoke to you last night. you were going to be okay. he had meant it with his entire being.

the shy chuckle and smile you give him only fuels his hope more; so genuine and beautiful, full of the brightness he worried he was taking from you when all he ever wanted to do was preserve it, let himself get lost in it when you pulled him in so easily and found your own comfort in his shadows. the dress you wore, one you often put on when picking grapes in the vineyard that he recalled purchasing for you, one he knows well, only served to amplify how much he misses you, how absolutely divine he finds you. he would do absolutely anything for you.

“i.. um, i know it’s busy around here but i just wanted to let you know i’ll be around the winery today if you need anything,” you say, that sweet smile still on your face. all he needed was you.. your smile falters when you hesitate to speak your next words, your gaze moving from his handsome face to the floor beneath your feet. feeling his heart pick up speed at the sight of your distress. he moves closer to you, his gloved hand ever so gently grabbing yours and it catches your attention. when your gazes meet again, he sees determination behind your sparkling eyes. “.. could we have lunch together later?”

he’s eager to answer you, wants to ask if you’ll stay in his study with him the rest of the day even if it’s a selfish request, even if it means not much work will get done when he’ll need to have you right in his lap. his grip on you tightens, his pink lips stretch into a loving smile but as the words leave him, they meddle with the sound of quick footsteps and elzer calling for the young master, unaware of the moment he was interrupting. had he known, he would have done more to delay himself even if this was rather urgent.

“master diluc, is the paperwork for the wangshu inn order ready? the shipment from liyue is -” elzer stops in his tracks, green eyes widening when he sees the two of you at the threshold of the study nearly chest to chest. diluc still holds onto your hand but both of your gazes are now on the butler. “i’m so sorry -”

“it’s okay,” you interrupt with a squeeze of your beloved's hand, trying to reassure you both that your words weren’t a lie. you smile despite the snapping of your heart strings. the universe was hell bent on keeping you apart, wasn’t it? “i was just headed out,” the words felt strained coming from your throat but you knew right now you were only interrupting and needed to let diluc get back to his work.

as you let go of dilucs hand, your eyes return to looking up at him and you see emotions that seem to mirror yours, like in the deep ruby shade of his eyes you can make out how much it hurt him to hear you say you were leaving even though you would not be far. the push and pull of the many duties he carries on his shoulders and how painful it was when you pushed yourself away so he could focus on another, though he understood why.

“i’ll come find you.” a promise that you wouldn’t be apart for long but archons it was utter misery to have you be away from him for even a moment and watching you walk away and disappear from his view before he was ready had only made it worse, had only made his chest ache.

he wonders if you are holding back the tears you had, and hadn’t, shared with him last night as you push the front doors of the manor open, trying to keep your head up when he could see the heaviness of your heart like a blanket weighing down on you. it wasn’t until he couldn’t see you anymore that he returned to behind his desk, forcing his feet to move in the opposite direction of you when they screamed to follow, and did all the work he could before he could not hold off being with you for a moment longer.

the melody of your voice coming from the open window, distant but close enough that all it would take is a minute to get to you. his hand twitching at the remembrance of holding you for such a brief time hours prior. the picture of you from this morning, in that dress, smiling and blushing at him, flashing behind his eyes with every blink. your sweet scent lingering on his clothes. the love and devotion he holds for you, the distance and tears that had torn you both apart, the need to be close to his very heart and never ever let you go- it all stopped diluc so suddenly and he knew he was at his limit.

he needed you. more than air and water, more than his strength and the fire that had always been within him. more than anything else in this world and celestia he needed you.

his footsteps are determined, not stopping for even a moment and only slowing when he nears the front doors, seeing adelinde among the few others in the fourier having finished the worst of the workload already.

“adelinde that will be enough for today. please excuse the staff for the rest of the day.”

“yes master diluc,” she doesn’t question it and is quick to let the others that hadn’t already overheard know, looking forward to any early day they rarely got.

the afternoon sun paints the fields in a lovely yellow, bringing out the shine of plump purple grapes and the brightness of the lush green leaves. among it all he easily found you and feels his heart surge at the sunlight illuminating the exposed skin of your chest and legs even at this distance.

you hadn’t asked for the dress you adorned today, hadn’t even seen it before unwrapping the gift box he gave it to you in. it wasn’t extravagant but simple, comfortable, and of a shade that had always reminded him of you. it was years ago now but he remembers from the moment he saw it he knew how beautiful you would look in it and he was right. every time you wore it he had thought so and today that felt especially rue.

you caught a glimpse of bright red in your side view, the bounce of crimson locks and the darkness of his black coat in contrast to the vibrant day, before he made it to you but just the slightest sight of him had you paying not another thought to what you had been doing mere moments ago. the butterflies in your stomach began to flutter about wildly, the invisible tether of your love, that tied your hearts as one, going taut and bringing you to his side quickly, having you reaching for him as soon as you could.

“diluc~.”

“my love.”

he was just as eager to feel you, pulling you close to him with a large hand on your lower back as soon as you were within arms reach, the fingers of his other curling to caress your face tenderly. you melt against him, leaning into his touch, lashes fluttering closed, your hands holding onto his jacket tight.

yes all he had needed was you. and in your hold, he felt how much you needed him too.

“spend the rest of the day with me?” he asks, voice little more than a whisper as he leans in to place a kiss to your cheek. the warmth it left on your skin was like the nourishment you had needed so desperately and you love how it lingers when he moves to kiss your lips, delicate and reassuring.

“really? what about-”

“please.”

“i- i would love that, so much.”

your lips meet again, long and gentle, and you smile into his replying kiss, feeling that heavy weight of worry and anxiety melt away under his affections, the way he held you and kissed you softly with no intention of letting you go.

he had missed your smile against his lips, had needed it more than he thought possible and relishes in the way it lingers on his lips. it makes him feel lighter, as you always had, but in comparison his next words are serious, dripping with conviction and truth, telling you he needed you to hear his words and never forget them.

“i am unable to envision a universe in which we are not together,” he pulls you closer so you’re now chest to chest, forehead to forehead, sharing every breath, every heartbeat.

your chest tightens at the remembrance of last night. the thoughts that overtook your every worry, dug into every wound deeper and deeper until you weeped and dreamt of the terrible outcome of everything keeping you from him. a life full of still and dark numbness because truly how could the world keep spinning and moving so easily when you were without diluc.

“i cannot be without you,” he says, stopping your every thought, your every worry, kissing you again and again, whispering when he comes up for air, continuing to steal your breath. “not now. not ever.”

* * *

your feet hadn’t touched the ground since diluc lifted you into his arms bridal style, carrying you past the workers leaving for the day who didn’t disturb the soft gazes and wordless affections you shared as you disappeared past the front doors and into the now quiet manor. the heaviness of dilucs boots and the sounds of your lips now on his were the only sounds to be heard until the door to the master bedroom was flung open and you gasp at the intensity of which diluc presses you between his broad chest and the wall with a groan that made your core ignite.

the familiar wall cools your burning skin but it wouldn’t be too long now before the entire room was as warm as you and diluc were when entangled in each other. before the back of your head can be pressed against it too, with you so eager and pliant to accept everything he gives you and him so very desperate to not hold back, a large hand cradles the back of your head and keeps it from ever touching the wall as diluc kisses you deep, so full of love and desire. you can feel it with every movement of his lips on top of yours, the way his tongue swipes along your bottom lip and into your mouth, his fingers sinking into your hair, pulling you into him.

you can feel every heaving breath he takes, the weight of it on your body and the heat of it on your face. mixed with his normal scent of oak and wine it had you lightheaded, your thighs squeezing around his thin waist, your hands clinging onto his shoulders for more purchase even though he could easily hold your entire weight on his own and loved to do so. having you depend on him in any way always made his chest swell and right now, while he held you there grinding his hard clothed cock against the dampness of your panties, the fingers of his hand not in your hair squeezing the plush of your thigh, the flames of his heart threatening to devour every inch of you both, was no exception.

how long had it been since he had touched you more than in passing or late into the night? since he could remind you in this way that you are everything to him? you had been a constant on his mind even if physically he was far away. every moment without you was spent yearning, worrying, aching and now that he had you in his arms once more, nothing to interrupt you, and the universe be damned, he would not be ever letting you go again.

he groans your name against your lips at the feeling of your fingers sinking into his hair and tugging on his roots when he grinds against you particularly hard, in perfect time with you chasing after him. “i need you so badly.” his kiss is consuming, nearly teeth clashing and absolutely breath stealing and with every thrusts of his hips, he swallows your sultry moans.

he untangles his hand from your hair and grabs your other thigh, lifting you further up on his waist and easily carries you to the bed, each step confident and steady even with you distracting him, cupping his face in your palms, not wanting your lips to be apart from his for a even moment and he's sure to stay close as he crawls onto the bed. like you were the most precious of glass, he lays you in silky sheets and pillows slowly with your legs straddling his, your hands still holding onto his face, his strong arms keeping him from crushing you completely with his full weight.

you don’t realize you’ve started to cry until you taste the tears on your lips, warm and salty against the sweet taste of each other. diluc attempts to pull away, not far, but enough to check that you're okay and wipe your tears but you don’t falter in your hold on him and he cannot resist your gentle urgency. you can only deepen your kiss, tasting his tongue and lifting your hips to feel his cock that was making his pants incredibly tight.

neither of you know how long you stay like that, unable to part but when you finally pull away for air you desperately need, you’re panting and trying to tell him how much you need him too but it’s so hard to put into words right now. all you can get out is his name while you try to wipe your tears that just won't stop no matter how much you try to will them to.

“i’m here,” he assures you, bringing up one hand to wipe your wet cheeks with his thumb, watching your tears collecting on the dark of his gloves, feeling his own eyes burning. “i’m yours.”

“i’m yours,” you repeat in earnest, even if your voice is weak from your uncontrollable tears. your grip on him grows tighter as you pull him into a kiss, salty wet and desperate for him to know just how true your words were. “i’m sorry ‘luc. i’m so sorry..”

sorry we’re in this mess, that i can’t stop crying. sorry that i worried we might not make it through this, even if only for a night.

he hushes you with a gentle caress of burning fingers along your face and through your hair, the press of steady lips against your cheek. “there’s no reason to be sorry, my dear. everything is going to be alright, we will be alright.”

you nod your head, his words wrapping around your spine and seeping throughout your body, every ounce of you thrumming with the belief and the love you found in his words. “i love you.”

“i love you too,” he doesn’t miss a beat in his confession to you. he nuzzles into you, burying his face into the crook of your neck, taking in your sweet scent and the feeling of you underneath him, letting himself sink further into the mattress with nearly his whole weight enveloping you but it was more comforting than crushing and it had been exactly what you both needed. “more than i can put into words.”

your body was bursting with all kinds of heat, that from your beloved that he so naturally emitted and the burning, blazing flame within your heart that was a twin to his own. fueled by your love, by your devotion. and there was no denying the heat pooling between your legs either, the way your panties already felt so wet and the press of dilucs impressive erection against your inner thigh was not making it any better.

he felt it all too, wanting to let its fire consume him, bright and burning hot with his feelings for you, how he would do anything for you, how badly he needed you in any and every way. a familiar heat that he had felt for you since you stole his heart but even when he thought it impossible, it had only grown since that day and his inability to live without you grew with it.

his lips meet the skin on your neck, soft kisses placed along the length of your neck to below your ear and back down again, making your skin burst out in goosebumps. “can i have you?” he asks when his lips return to where they started.

“please.” you say with eagerness, your hands tugging at any part of his clothes that they can hold onto.

every move diluc makes is delicate, intentional, showing you the truth and intensity of his love. first, he removes his gloves, needing to feel all of you against his skin. vivid, hungry, scarlet eyes never leave your figure as he pulls off the leather from each hand and tosses them onto the nightstand, feeling you shudder under his touch when one hand grabs your thigh, spreading your legs further apart and the other ghosts over your collarbone, skilled fingers dipping below the strap of your dress, moving along the hem that plunges to your breasts.

“you are so soft,” he murmurs as if he hadn’t known he said it outloud, as if it had been the first time he had ever felt your skin in a way only he should touch you. the pads of fingers ghost along the tops of your breasts, barely moving below your dress to feel all of you but still hardening your nipples under the fabric.

your chest is heaving, like his touch was burning into your skin for you to remember for all time, your heart hammering in your chest every passing moment, every touch diluc gives you. your back arches to allow space for his hand snaking around your waist to your back and in his endless strength, he lifts your figure, your arms wrapping around his neck for stability. his movements are swift as pulls up the fabric of your dress, your arms leaving his embrace so he can take it off you completely.

in your needy movements you try to reach back with one arm to undo your bra but a strong grasp holds onto your wrist before you can unclasp the prongs. you feel it more than see it, the shake of his head in protest.

“let me take care of everything,” he says, deep and rumbling against your body, his breath fanning against your neck where his lips have once again found their home.

diluc guides your hand to his chest and you grip onto the fabric on his coat, wishing he was just as bare as you, especially when he unclasps all the hooks of your bra in one motion, pulling the fabric from between you and discarding it by your dress.

with a last kiss and a small lick of his tongue against your skin, his hand still splayed on your back, he guides you back down into the plush mattress, staying on his knees between your spread legs. now only a thin pair of lace panties keeps him from seeing all of you and he takes his time revealing you to him, unwrapping you like the gift you were and making you tremble with his hands and lips.

he kisses you, strong hands squeezing your waist when you moan into his lips and you might have cried in protest when he breaks away but they don’t leave you long, finding your collar bone and moving across your chest, down your arm, each finger, every knuckle and back up again only to move to the other arm, not a bit of you going unloved.

you shudder as his lips cascade down your middle, leaving a humming warmth in their wake all the way to the edge of your panties and back up to your breasts. he kisses the underside of one while grabbing the other with a gentle squeeze that has you mewling, arching for more. his breath fans against your sensitive skin, hot and heavy with parting of his lips as he envelopes your hardened nipple and presses into you, letting you feel how hard he is with a roll of his hips against yours.

every sweet suckle and lick of his tongue, attention that he gave to both of your breasts, had the pooling wetness between your legs soaking through your panties and your hips bucking to feel more of him. when diluc finally does part from your chest, he sits back on his knees, his tall frame towering over you and archons you swore you could cum just from the sight of him like this.

his muscles flex as he gets himself out of his coat and vest, his chest rising and falling with heavy breaths, throat bobbing, his cock painfully hard and thick in his pants, a familiar stickiness already smearing along where it rests in his boxers but it’s the last thing on his mind. there's a deep flush to his cheeks, his eyes rich with longing and love and behind it there's no hiding a lick of flames that are that of a man starved and so beyond desperate for his other half.

you’re not even sure you’re breathing watching him tug off his tie with one hand, your gazes never breaking, his other hand traveling down your leg to behind your knee and lifting it to his chest. long dark lashes flutter closed as he nuzzles his nose near your ankle before placing a kiss there and another and another, your legs already getting a light shake to them.

“you are so beautiful my love,” he whispers against your skin, his hand on your leg squeezing your flesh. another kiss, chaste and sweet and full of devotion, it’s heat lingering on your ankle even after he’s pulling away and tugging at the hem of your panties, lifting them up your legs. “i could never be without you.”

“‘luc..” you feel the tears pricking at your eyes again, hear the way your voice is wrought with emotions you’ve held back, tried to deny, pent up when you couldn’t be near him like you need to. “please, i need you.”

he knew all the ways you meant it, for he felt it too and knew what lay within the heart that he swore to protect and cherish. the very one he had been apart from in so many ways for far too long and that lay in front of him now, completely his to take again and again even if he didn’t think he deserved such a wonderful thing.

with your leg easing over his shoulder, his hair tickling the inside of your thigh, he spreads your legs further apart to allow space for his broad shoulders and doesn’t give you a moment to catch your breath after seeing him between your legs looking like heaven before his tongue, hot and flat against you, licks your dripping pussy with a deep moan that rumbles the bed under his chest.

the taste of you melting on his tongue makes him drunk so quickly. in a way wine and alcohol couldn’t attempt to rival and even more potent with intoxication. your reactions to his lapping tongue only add to that state of euphoria, diluc always finding that your pleasure was his own.

any other night this could have been enough to ease the overwhelming need he felt for you. sucking your clit between his lips, hearing soft and hazy curses drifting down to his ears, your fingers tugging at his hair with every intense shake of your legs that he kept pried open with strong arms when they threatened to close around his head. not that he would ever mind suffocating in between your thighs but this gave him the perfect angle to taste you and thrust his tongue in and out of your tight hole and tonight, he isn’t sure he’ll ever get enough.

every breath you took was deep but it was never going to be enough against the man you love utterly devouring your pussy, spreading your legs wider and diving his tongue deeper into you, his nose pressed against your clit until you worried he wasn’t even breathing.

your orgasm came before you could even try to hold off for a little longer, bursting on his tongue and eagerly drank down. your body writhes in his persistent hold, your hand buried in the mane of his hair pulling him closer and farther away, his name a melody of pleasure and need for more on your lips.

diluc doesn’t pull away, the languid movements of his tongue turning soft and soothing, letting you ride out every last bit of release without over stimulating you too much, allowing him to capture every bit of your essence on his tongue and feel your small shake when he rolls his tongue over your clit, too much and somehow not enough on your electrified body.

at the release of one of your legs, your warm skin rests over his shoulder again and he sighs against your clit at the contact.

“ah..!” you can’t help the jolt of your body at the feeling of skilled and calloused fingers parting your folds, the mixer of you both wetting them perfectly enough to slip one into you with ease, knuckle deep and curling right into the perfect spot. “diluc!”

he keeps a steady rock to his finger, lewd wet noises following every pump and lick on your clit that he gave with so much fervor, rebuilding that knot behind your tummy in seconds and when he added another thick finger, there was no holding back how quickly he could have you creaming and clenching around his digits.

you cry out, sweet and shaking and feeling like you might die if you didn’t feel him inside of you, if you couldn’t look at his handsome face and show him in this way just how much you loved him, how much you missed him, too. and before you can even fully come down from your high, with diluc still kissing your pretty pussy, you’re begging for him.

“love - please.”

he pulls away from your cunt with lidded scarlet eyes, your juices sparkling against his chin and nose as he sits back on his knees. it leaves you so incredibly empty when his fingers follow but your wanton whimper was due to the way he licks his fingers clean, long soaking digits slipping past his pink lips with a groan, dark lashes fluttering closed at the taste of you.

tugging at his shirt, you plead again but you never have to with him. all you ever had to do was ask and anything he could give you would be yours. “need these clothes off you. need to feel you against me.”

any worries, any self doubts, of what your touches could perhaps do to the other, hurt you again, not be attuned like you once were, melt away in the heat of every touch you give one another with no hesitation and no question on where your heart would be from here on out.

your fingers overlap as you help each other with every button of his shirt, the buckle of his belt and ties of his pants. your hands roam his body with each article of clothing he takes off and throws to the side, mapping out the scars you know every place of and a new scratch you had never felt before on his right pectoral.

it made your heart ache that he got hurt and hadn’t told you, that you hadn’t had the chance to care for it yourself but knowing him, you’re sure he hardly called this ‘getting hurt’. it wasn’t deep, likely nothing more than the tip of a blade nicking him that was nearly healed but you can’t stand the thought of any harm coming to him. let alone during a time where you were so apart.

using one hand to prop himself up, diluc slides out of his pants and boxers, cock resting against the thin red trail of hair adorning his lower abdomen, his tip sticky against his skin. with him hovering above you, your lips replace where your fingers touched over his injured skin, gingerly kissing him, pouring your love over every heartbreaking inch of his injury.

as if he had sensed the worry swirling in your heart, he lifts your gaze back to his with a gentle pull under your chin that you easily followed but he didn’t speak any words and instead he calmed you with a loving kiss to your lips that told you it was okay. he was okay, here with you now and forever.

he follows your lips as you lay back down, now resting on his forearm to be closer to you, chest to chest, the heat of his fingers like butterfly wings down your stomach to line his cock with your aching sex, sliding his tip between your wet folds until he could feel the mix of saliva and slick on his fingers.

the thickness of his cock head was a lovely mix of pleasure and burning stretch that had you clinging to him when he was barely inside you but he could have cum from the small, squelching thrusts into your perfect pussy alone. deeper and deeper with every few roll of his hips, he groans your name between his kisses that steal every bit of your sanity and diluc feels his own slipping with it.

“fuck angel,” a rare curse falls from his lips when he’s fully sheathed inside you, so tight around him, and stilling his hips to allow you to adjust to his size. his forehead finds yours, crimson hair now completely free from its ribbon falling on the sides of your face and wafts the scent of his shampoo into the air. “you are so perfect.”

shaking your head with a breathy chuckle, you cradle his face with both your hands and instantly he melts into your touch, feeling the small rock of your hips letting him know you were ready for more. he doesn’t part from this closeness, each heated breath shared with the thrusts of his hips that start slow and deep.

you try to force them away but you can’t help the tears that well in your eyes being so full of him, being close to him again, the love you share so evident you were overwhelmed in the best of ways. but you still wanted more, wanted to be overtaken and drowning in it until it was all you knew because for so long, longer than you thought you could endure, you were without and right now, as you held him with as much need as he held you, you hardly knew how you survived up until this moment.

more of him wasn’t something you had asked for. he was yours for the taking in heart, body and soul and in every delicious roll of his lips, in and out of your sweet tightness, each one with more fever than the last, you were lost in the scent of sweet wine and smoke, the burning flames of your beloved that cradled you and protected you and the undeniable love that was sewn between you in an unbreakable bond.

diluc brings you ever closer, a large hand sliding underneath your head to cradle the back of your skull and kiss you. your lips meet, full of so much love and longing and muffled murmurs of pleasure. you feel his hair tickle your face with the pace he set, his chest following to get closer, pressing right against yours and loving the way your breasts bounce against him each time he bottoms out, hitting the perfect spot in your gummy walls. he was pressed so close you wondered if it was his own heart beat you were feeling or your own, not knowing where his body ended and yours began.

he was so deep inside you with every snap of his hips, so close in every way possible, and when you felt him picking up the pace of his thrusts, using the arm not holding the back of your head to grab onto your thigh, strong fingers sinking into your flesh with gentle power and bringing your leg to rest at the side of your chest, you couldn’t help but whimper against his kiss swollen lips.

“oh gods… ‘luc!”

your back bows off the bed, at least the best it can with diluc pressed against you but you were unable to control the way your body reacted to how well he split you open on his cock, his leaking tip always hitting your g spot, perfectly fitting inside you like you were made for each other.

but it's the way he says your name, dripping with liquid fire and the stars he would pull from the dark night to show you how much you meant to him, that sent you over the edge of euphoria and when dilucs ruby eyes flutter open to see your crystalline tears that sparkled with the light of your love, love he had always been sure he didn’t deserve but couldn’t live without all the same, his own release followed, heavy and throbbing in the tightness of you.

he stays inside of you, feeling his cum leaking from your hole and down towards your bum but thoughtfully he moves your leg to a more comfortable position at his hips and lifts a bit of his weight off of you to allow you to take deep breaths, his arm flexing as he moves but not being able to be far, both because he couldn’t bring himself to, not yet, and because your hold on him remained snug with your arms around his neck.

all you could do was hold onto him, never wanting to leave this moment, and confess your love over and over, every one returned in kind with a burning passion.

“we will always be okay darling,” he whispers, brushing the tip of his nose along your own before placing a sweet, long, kiss to your lips. “i swear it.”

♡♡♡♡♡

genshin impact masterlist | main masterlist

#genshin impact #diluc ragnvindr #diluc smut #diluc angst #diluc x reader #diluc ragnvindr angst #diluc ragnvindr smut #diluc ragnvindr x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact angst #genshin impact smut #diluc #🌙moonlight.stories

806 notes · View notes

randomyuu · 7 months

Text

there's a lover in the story, but the story's still the same

Ahh, don’t you love it when fear motivates your drawing mood? (not really)

That’s what I felt reading the scene that is drawn below. It’s fear for Yuuji but also feeling excited picturing an emotionless teen!Gojou so here I am. Always down bad for Vox’s Goyuu fics, aren’t I? *sighs*

Welp, here we go.

Title: there’s a lover in the story, but the story’s still the same

Author: @voxofthevoid

Second fic of the series there’s a lover in the story, but the story’s still the same

Pairing YuuGo, NSFW, please read the tags carefully before giving it a read... the usual drill ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

!!! SPOILER FOR THE FIC !!!

Highly recommend you guys to read them first. Or not, it’s up to you honestly :v

Usually I would gush about the fic but I’ve already done that under the fic itself so I just want you to know this comic is solely carried by me wanting to draw the ticking time bomb called teen!Gojou-post-discussion-with-adult!Ieiri. You could probably guess what they’re talking about :”)

The fear for Yuuji’s well-being started this, but Satoru’s cold eyes kept me going. I can’t get rid of it from my mind lmao

You can say drawing these kind of expressions is my jam (￣▽￣)

I hope I did Satoru’s emotions justice haha

A bit of my thoughts and doodle below. Unhinged maybe, it’s midnight, I got more work to do after this, and my brain cells are barely hanging on. Haha I'm living the life-

I AM STILL REELING FROM THE FACT I MANAGED TO GET THIS DONE.

There are so many things I want to talk about in the process of making this. But after I typed it out, most of them sounded so unnecessary so I rewrote it a few times. I tried to make this as short as possible lmao

Typesetting and sketching are the roughest parts of this project. During these stages, I kept feeling everything I did wasn’t doing the scene enough justice, and it was frustrating. As I planned this project, I read a few doujins and noticed the font types scanlation teams use. There are so many of them, and each helped convey the tone of each image. Felt like crying when I realised I’m not knowledgeable enough to apply good typesetting, ngl. And then the interior design. Fuck, the frustration is so real. I am absolutely clueless about this kind of thing. Tracing lots of references because I have no perception of space makes me feel even worse. I knew first times rarely create a masterpiece, but I was not satisfied with my accomplishment and the feeling of failing to fulfil my own expectations hurt.

BUT.

Thank goodness most of the things I need to draw are Shouko, Yuuji and Satoru. Because dear g o d drawing them healed me. I found so much comfort in drawing Shouko’s long hair and Satoru’s eyes and drowning Yuuji in an oversized hoodie. The comfort zone of character drawing never feels so real lmaooo

Drawing them was so effective that I can look back at the backgrounds with acceptance. Hey, I did it! Not perfect just yet, but I did it!

Haha I feel like I’m losing my mind. I don’t know if it’s in a good way or a bad way. Guess I do have one or two screws loose.

Only for Yuuji lmao

(nah I just need sleep, or cooling down from the rush of having finished this)

It might come off as a surprise if you’ve only seen my art on Tumblr, but I’ve always preferred to draw feminine-leaning ladies. I’ve always loved drawing their curves, whether it’s the figure, the clothes, or the (long) hair. But I’ve grown to like drawing masculine gentlemen as well with their sharp edges and straight lines, and now my ladies start to look more androgynous lmao

Anyway, I was pretty stoked to be able to draw adult!Ieiri! I… I kind of miss drawing long hair so here have some more before you go on your day ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

#yuu's art #jjk-fic-fanart #jjk-ship #五悠 #goyuu #goyu #5u #gojou x yuuji #I'll see you sometime later #if real life lets me haha #:")

159 notes · View notes

cnnmairoll · 8 months

Note

hello! i'm the anon that requested for the the moles' beloved miss hehe - just wanted to say that IT WAS ADORABLE AF <3 loved the domestic and homey feeling of the whole fic <33 read your other works and WOHHH I LOVE YOU AS I WRITER <3

if i may, may i request a hurt-comfort for dan heng and luka (separate hehe) ? like, they notice that their s.o, the reader, has become more distant towards them and their shared friend group (the express crew for dan heng, and maybe wildfire for luka). they check on the reader but they just get "i'm okay" as a response. one day, though, they get a letter from the reader, thinking it's the usual love letter that they give, but it's actually a letter of the reader expressing their feelings of being left out, not being enough, and all - kinda like "i know you guys accept me, but i find it hard to accept myself." happy ending ofc hehe

i'm so sorry that the prompt was so long whahsha have a great day/night, as always! <33

A Letter of Words I Can't Convey

Character(s) : Luka, Dan Heng Genre : Comfort, Fluff a/n : glad u liked the fic anon :thumbsup: here ya go

Luka had noticed the change in you for weeks now. It wasn't like you to withdraw from the wildfire, your close-knit group of friends that included Luka himself. At first, he thought it was just a phase, a rough patch, but as days turned into weeks, he grew increasingly worried. You had become distant, your smiles less frequent, and your laughter absent from their gatherings.

One evening, after practice at the underground boxing ring, Luka decided he couldn't ignore it any longer. He approached you cautiously, his robotic right arm glinting in the dim light of the gym. You were leaning against the wall, seemingly lost in thought. He cleared his throat, trying to hide his concern.

"Hey there," Luka began, his voice gentle. "You've been… different lately. Is everything okay?"

You glanced up at him, and for a moment, it seemed like you would open up. But instead, you managed a weak smile and replied, "I'm okay, Luka, really. Just going through some stuff, you know?"

He didn't want to push you, but he couldn't shake the feeling that there was something more to it. Luka nodded and patted your shoulder. "Alright, if you ever need to talk, you know where to find me, right?"

You nodded, and that was the end of the conversation. Luka walked away, his heart heavy with worry, but he trusted you to reach out when you were ready.

Days turned into weeks, and your distance only seemed to grow. Luka missed your laughter, your warmth, and your presence in their group. He found himself lying awake at night, wondering what had changed between you two.

Then, one day, he received a letter. At first, he thought it was one of your usual love letters. You had a habit of slipping little notes and sweet messages into his jacket pocket. But as he unfolded the paper, his heart sank. It wasn't a love letter; it was a heartfelt confession of your feelings.

Luka,

I hope you're doing well. I know I've been distant lately, and I'm sorry for that. I want you to know that it's not because of anything you've done. It's me. I've been feeling like I don't belong, like I'm not enough for the wildfire. I know you all accept me, but I find it hard to accept myself. I've been struggling with these thoughts, and it's been tearing me apart.

I hope you can understand. I just needed to get this off my chest.

- [Your Name]

Reading your words, Luka's heart ached. He realized that he had been so focused on trying to make you open up that he had missed how much pain you were in. Without wasting another moment, he set out to find you.

It wasn't easy, but after asking around, he discovered you were at your favorite quiet spot in the park. He spotted you sitting alone on a bench, staring off into the distance. Luka took a deep breath, feeling a mix of emotions - concern, determination, and love.

Approaching you, he said softly, "Hey there, I got your letter."

You looked up in surprise, and there was a flicker of vulnerability in your eyes before you looked away. "Oh, I didn't expect you to find me so quickly."

Luka sat down beside you and gently turned your face to meet his gaze. "You're not alone in this, you know. We all care about you, and I care about you. Your feelings matter."

Tears welled up in your eyes, and you finally let them fall. "I just… I feel like such a burden, Luka."

He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into a tight embrace. "You're not a burden. You're a part of our wildfire family, and we stick together through thick and thin. And I'm here for you, no matter what."

You clung to him, your shoulders shaking with sobs. Luka held you close, offering you a safe haven to release all the pent-up emotions you had been carrying. As the tears subsided, he whispered soothing words of comfort and reassurance.

"We all have our struggles, and it's okay to ask for help," Luka said softly. "You don't have to go through this alone. We're here to support you, and we'll get through this together."

In that moment, you felt a weight lift off your shoulders, and a glimmer of hope flickered within you. Luka's unwavering support and understanding gave you the strength to face your inner demons. You knew it wouldn't be easy, but with him by your side and the wildfire behind you, you had a fighting chance.

As the sun began to set, you and Luka remained on that bench, talking and sharing your deepest fears and insecurities. It was the first step toward healing, and together, you would overcome the darkness that had threatened to engulf you. In Luka's embrace, you found solace and the reassurance that you were, indeed, enough.

It had been weeks since you'd last spent quality time with Dan Heng and the rest of the Astral Express crew. Something had shifted, something you couldn't quite put your finger on, and it left you feeling distant, isolated, and overwhelmed by a constant sense of inadequacy. Your once lively presence within the group had turned into an invisible shadow, always there but seldom noticed.

Dan Heng had noticed the change in your behavior, how you'd become distant from the Astral Express crew, including him. He had always respected your privacy and your need for space, but this was different. It was as if you were slowly retreating into your own world, leaving him feeling helpless and concerned.

One evening, as the crew gathered in the common area for their usual card game, Dan Heng noticed your absence once again. He sighed, unable to ignore the growing concern that gnawed at him. With a subtle glance toward the others, he excused himself and made his way to your cabin.

His knock on your door was soft, almost hesitant. He waited for a moment, and just as he was about to turn away, the door cracked open, revealing your face, tinged with surprise. You'd clearly not expected him.

"Dan Heng," you greeted, your voice a shadow of its former warmth.

"May I come in?" he asked, his blue eyes searching your face for answers.

You hesitated but then stepped aside, allowing him to enter your dimly lit cabin. It was a small, cozy space, filled with books and trinkets from your travels. He admired it briefly before focusing on you.

You looked down, avoiding his gaze. "What brings you here?"

Dan Heng took a deep breath, unsure of how to broach the subject. He knew he had to tread carefully. "I've noticed you've been distant lately. We all have. Is everything okay?"

You turned away, your fingers nervously fidgeting with a book on your shelf. "I'm okay. Really."

But he wasn't convinced. He knew there was something deeper bothering you. He couldn't bear to see you like this, shutting everyone out.

He couldn't stand the thought of you struggling alone, and yet, he understood that pushing you for answers wouldn't help. Instead, he decided to give you the time and space you seemed to need, hoping that you would come to him when you were ready.

Weeks passed, and every day felt like an eternity for Dan Heng. He missed the times when you were both alone, your conversations filled with laughter and affection. He yearned for those moments but was willing to wait for you to reach out.

Then, one day, it happened. A small envelope slid under his cabin door, catching his attention. He picked it up, expecting another one of the love letters you often left for him. But when he opened it, his heart sank as he read the words on the paper.

Dan Heng,

I hope this letter finds you well. I know that lately, I've been distant from the crew, and it's been hard for me to explain why. I've been struggling with some things, things I never thought I'd admit even to myself.

You see, despite all the love and acceptance I feel from all of you, I can't help but feel like I don't quite fit in, like I'm not good enough to be part of this incredible group. I know you guys accept me, but I find it incredibly difficult to accept myself.

I've been battling these feelings in silence, and I'm sorry for shutting you all out. It's not because I don't trust you or care about you—it's because I've been struggling to understand my own emotions.

I'm writing this letter because I needed you to know what's been going on inside my head, even if I'm not ready to talk about it in person just yet. I want you to know that I treasure the moments we've shared, and your presence means the world to me. But sometimes, I need to figure things out on my own, and I hope you can understand that.

Thank you for being patient with me, Dan Heng. You mean more to me than I can express in words.

- [Your Name]

Without a moment's hesitation, he left his cabin and made his way to yours. His knock on your door was gentle, a silent plea for you to open up to him. When you did, he saw the surprise in your eyes, but there was also a hint of relief, as if you had been waiting for him.

"Can I come in?" he asked softly, his voice filled with concern.

You nodded, stepping aside to let him enter. He took a seat on your bed, and you followed suit. There was a moment of silence, neither of you knowing where to begin.

"I got your letter," he finally said, his tone gentle and understanding. "I want you to know that I'm here for you, no matter what. You don't have to go through this alone."

You met his gaze, your eyes reflecting a mix of emotions, from vulnerability to gratitude. "I… I didn't know how to talk about it," you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper.

Dan Heng reached out and took your hand in his, offering you a reassuring squeeze. "You don't have to explain everything right now," he said. "But I want you to know that you are enough, just the way you are. We all care about you deeply, and I care about you deeply."

Tears welled up in your eyes, and this time, you didn't hold them back. You let them fall, letting go of the pent-up emotions that had been tormenting you for so long. Dan Heng pulled you into a warm embrace, holding you close as you cried.

As the tears subsided, you found comfort in his presence, in the fact that he hadn't pushed you for answers but had simply been there for you when you needed him the most. He may not have all the solutions, but he had his unwavering support and affection to offer, and that was enough to start healing the wounds that had been plaguing your heart.

In the quiet of your cabin, beneath the soft glow of the astral stars outside your window, Dan Heng and you began a journey of rediscovery and healing. He continued to listen, to be there for you, and to assure you that you were valued and loved just as you were.

199 notes · View notes

astraystayyh · 2 months

Text

here is the essay that no one asked for because long for you is my fav hyunjin song and one of my all time favorite songs (it spoke to the yearner in me)

first the hauntingly beautiful melody 😭 as soon as i heard the whistles in the beginning i thought of the melancholic chirping of birds that feels like they’re calling out to someone who is far out of their reach, and it just sets the tone for this excruciating nostalgia throughout the song, for a time that has passed that we cannot go back to again.

at the beginning i thought this was about longing for a loved one but when hyunjin said that it’s about ‘missing your past that has lost its shine, and therefore longing for everything from back then’ the song just got more devastating for me, because (imo) this song is about longing for a past version of yourself that you lost and that you had to relinquish and that you never wished to part from, and hyunjin weaved this yearning for someone who technically doesn’t exist anymore so so well :,)

When was the last time we walked side by side

to me this could be about this kind of dichotomy that you feel within yourself when you can no longer recognize who you are and when you kind of lose sense of what you love and who you wish to be. And you no longer feel as if your past selves and your present ones are in harmony, walking side by side, but rather that your present self tries to go backwards to reach for your past self when the only possible trajectory for it is to go forward

In the faded photo, I come across a smile. Spread across a youthful face, overlapped with the seasons.

again with the longing for your past self, clinging to photos that have faded with how much time has passed and yet you still wish for the smile you had, long ago, to come once again. i relate to this so much because there was a time where i looked back to my old photos and i just missed how smiling came so easily to me back then instead of feeling like a chore. a smile that once withstood the changing seasons, but that is now a simple memory

The night’s so cold that it’s almost unreal. I wake up in another silence, and I close my eyes

hyunjin and the loneliness that only manifests at night :(( just like in cover me he manages to perfectly convey the cold and daunting feelings that come with being lonely,, also the act of waking up and closing your eyes right after, as if you wish to wake up in any reality but your own

The white flower we planted together has bloomed. I do not dare pick it. Now it withers away

OHHH this one had a little (huge) kick to it, this verse is just so poetic and so full of emotions im unwell :(( white often symbolizes purity and beginnings and its referencing to a time where your existence wasn’t tainted by anything, to the very beginnings when everything was well, back when you had enough will and happiness to care for something, to plant a flower. and now that flower has bloomed, but you do not dare to pick it because it is the last string tying you back to that time you longed for, so you leave it there, afraid that once you’d touch it then you’d soil it with everything that makes up your current self. but by doing so, the flower withers away, and i feel as if this last line plants a seed of hope, of light in a very melancholic song. that by longing for the past and forgetting the present all you do is harm the flower, harm yourself. that you shouldn’t forget your present self while reminiscing the one that faded away

So I long for you. And I long for you. And I'll long for you. So I can keep loving you. So I could be loving you. And morе.

THIS PARTTTTT!!!! this is The Part that gave me goosebumps and brought tears to my eyes,,, hyunjin’s vocals throughout the song were so mellow, so soft, so tender to hear, yet so melancholic at the same time. but this part. THIS PART. this feels like floating atop the pool on a warm summer afternoon and you are hit by this wave of nostalgia for a moment that has yet to pass, because you know that you will miss this instant right here, and that you might comeback to this exact same pool next summer, and the one after it, but things would have inadvertently changed AND IT’S SOOOO 💔💔💔 especially the part where the music quiets down and all you can hear is his voice and then THE VIOLIN PICKS UP and it feels as if he’s tugging with my heartstrings and he’s harmonizing with himself and it’s all so HEART WRENCHING in the most beautiful way, like this is the embodiment of yearning.

i got carried away but as for the lyrics this part also makes me wanna cry and weep because it’s so full of hope?? of moving forth?? instead of longing for who you were and letting it hinder you, you long for who you were and behold it as a compass to love your present self, because past or future you are you, and if you loved who you were at one point of time, if you were at peace with who you once were then you can and you will love who you are now too. and i’m so 💔💔💔 also him harmonizing with himself ties it all together like the only person you got is yourself and it reminds me of THE PAINTING 😭😭😭😭😭😭

yes this isn’t over yet. the painting. The Painting. THE PAINTING. hyunjin hugging himself, burying his face in the crook of his neck i am too sensitive for this. i am no art expert but i am always at awe of the way hyunjin plays with colors and lighting and shadows, even if you aren’t well versed in paintings you can still feel the emotions hyunjin wants to portray and it’s all so.. special to me. all his works deserve to be hung in an art exposition

also i feel like this cover painting is the continuation of the one he shared some time ago, they look very alike and the color scheme resembles one another

i just love how hyunjin writes and produces and draws the covers of his songs like 🥹 i’d never tire of saying that he is the embodiment of art

#this is just my interpretation please dont come for me i just like sharing my thoughts #i just think.. to be able to convey loneliness and longing this beautifully and in such relatable way you must have experienced it yourself #so i hope more than anything that hyunjin always knows that he is loved #so loved #and that his existence alone brightens my own :#:’)#sahar's.thoughts <3 #also wrote this while waiting for my dentist so might be very incoherent ANSJSJ

63 notes · View notes

khami-the-raccoon · 3 months

Note

I was wondering if you could do Harry Potter x Gn!Reader. They are stoic and lack emotion but always try to put a smile on their face for Harry.

Reader notices that Harry is having a rough day because of Draco and try to comfort him by giving him a hug, or trying to tell a funny joke. After a while Reader tells Harry to close his eyes because Reader has a surprise for him. Once they give Harry the cue to open his eyes he notices that they are smiling.

Hello! Thank you so much for your request, I’m very sorry for how long this took, I have been going through I hard time, but I hope you like it! Have a great day! :)

Harry Potter x GN! Stoic! Reader

Summary: Harry Potter x GN! Reader, who doesn’t show their emotions, even on dangerous or triggering situations. Also, they don’t smile a lot, only for Harry.

Word Count: 591

General Masterlist

Harry Potter Masterlist

In the common room of the Gryffindor Tower, which was only illuminated by the crepitant fire of the fireplace, Y/N sat stoically, their usual calm demeanor unaffected by the bustling activities around them. Y/N had always been like that. No matter what happened, or what kind of dangerous situation they could find themselves in, they were always so calm, so serious.

Harry Potter, their boyfriend, was sitting on a couch, his mood visibly dampened by Draco Malfoy's cutting words earlier that day.

Sensing Harry's distress, Y/N decided to intervene. With a subtle nod, Y/N approached Harry, offering a reassuring presence. "Hey, love," Y/N spoke in a low, calming tone. "Mind if I join you?"

Harry looked up, managing a faint smile, appreciating Y/N's attempt to lighten the atmosphere. "Sure, Y/N. I could use some company." He said, Y/N’s presence had always reassured him.

As the two sat side by side, Y/N observed Harry's troubled expression. It was a rare sight to see Y/N concerned, but for Harry, they were willing to make an exception. Tentatively, Y/N placed a comforting hand on Harry's shoulder, offering silent support.

"You know, Malfoy's just trying to get under your skin. Don't let his words get to you," Y/N remarked, their words carrying a subtle warmth.

Harry nodded, appreciating Y/N's attempt to make him feel better. Y/N, however, sensed that words alone might not be enough. Their mind churned with thoughts of how to break through their stoic facade and truly lift Harry's spirits.

"I have a surprise for you, Harry," Y/N announced, a hint of excitement creeping into their otherwise composed tone. "Close your eyes."

Harry, intrigued, complied and shut his eyes. Y/N took a moment, contemplating how to express what they often struggled to convey. As the common room hushed in anticipation, Y/N mustered the courage to do something they rarely attempted.

With a deep breath, Y/N allowed a subtle transformation to take place. Slowly, almost hesitantly, a genuine smile formed on their lips. It was a smile reserved only for Harry, a rare glimpse into the emotions Y/N kept guarded.

"Okay, Harry, you can open your eyes now," Y/N instructed.

As Harry's eyes fluttered open, he was met with a sight that took him by surprise. Y/N's usually impassive face was now adorned with a beautiful, genuine smile. It was as if a hidden light had illuminated their features, radiating warmth and affection.

Harry's eyes widened, his heart skipping a beat at the unexpected display of emotion from Y/N. "Y/N, you... you have a beautiful smile."

Y/N's cheeks tinged with a faint blush, a subtle acknowledgment of their own discomfort with expressing emotions. "Well, I thought it might cheer you up. I'm not great at this, but for you, I'll try."

In that moment, Harry realized the depth of Y/N's feelings, understanding the significance of that rare, heartfelt smile. The two shared a quiet, genuine moment, a silent understanding passing between them that transcended words.

And as the common room buzzed with activity around them, Harry couldn't help but feel a warmth in his heart, grateful for the person who, despite their stoic exterior, found a way to express their emotions in the most unexpected and touching manner. Harry slowly put his hands around Y/N’s cheeks, and brought them into a kiss.

“I love you” Y/N said after the kiss. “I love you too” Harry answered.

#x gn y/n #harry potter x male reader #fanfic #male reader #x male reader #writing #trans male reader #gn reader #harry potter #harry x reader #harryxgnreader

81 notes · View notes

faces-ofvenus · 1 year

Text

a spicy new year

Damn I just managed to write this on day one, it's tears coming out of my eyes, but I know you didn't read it on day 1 but I hope you enjoy it.

Warning: minors don't read, this is already normal isn't it and enough fluffy content in my profile is fine | happy new year everyone. | Not reviewed anymore will be

for my love: @mrsgrwy

Maybe this new feeling you were sharing, maybe a few months ago it would have been impossible for both of you to imagine this kind of situation, for Aemond relationships were just fleeting and quick things, none were made to last if truth be told, he remembers very few relationships that he opened up fully, in fact none, he doesn't remember any moments like this one.

After you finished the short dinner that your beloved silver prince as you like to call him, you watched the fireworks announcing a new year, you yourself felt your heart wanting to burst out of your mouth, the way he held you close to his chest, how you could smell his woody scent, you have told him several times how much you love his perfume, how it impregnates you, it made you snuggle more, always wanting to feel more of him, to have more of him, to know his smell, his touch, everything, you always knew how emotional constipated he was, how much he deprives himself of feeling feelings, so you always appreciated and desired them like never before.

When his hands tightened firmly, on your waist, you looked up, your attention from the fires totally diverted, if you ever paid attention to it, his eye were so, so beautiful, yes his family had a unique coloration, but his were different, they stirred you, you always caressed the part where one of his orbs was missing, under his eyelids there was nothing, he still hadn't told you how he lost it, you would wait, but still, you wanted to show him how much you loved him, always.

His grip only intensified, you tried to read the man of few words in front of you, and it wasn't very difficult, his other hand guided your face closer to his, your lips touched, expecting another of his chaste and shy kisses, but this time being graced with a somewhat overwhelming kiss, the way he pulled you closer to him, the way he touched your face, how his lips conveyed how hungry he was for you and you responded in every way, the way his hands rested on your waist, and you let him guide you to his room, even though he was only paying attention to you, it seemed he knew the way with the palm of his hand and had already memorized it.

That was one of the things you loved about Aemond, the way he quickly memorized and mastered something, he knew where everything was, where it all fit together, your furniture, your thoughts, your beauty, your body, he seemed to read you so well, like a reader reading that book he has read a thousand times but never gets tired of, he has already memorized every word, every act, how he behaves, the best way to give you pleasure, he would read it a thousand times, and never get tired.

He laid you gently on his bed, he was always attentive, no matter what others said he was, with you, he always made you feel like a princess, or better a queen, you were wearing a dress although quite provocative, you didn't know but always felt this need the need to provoke him, something he liked and hated, he opened your legs, with a certain vehemence, the way his eye never broke contact with you, pulling your dress up, he had perhaps his favorite sight, you were so wet so ready, so his, even under your panties, he already had the brief sensation of what it was like to have you, and it made him anxious, but this wasn't just one night, though he didn't like the new year very much, this was your night, your first night of the new year with him.

So he wasted no time in removing the piece of cloth that hid everything he most wanted to see, everything he most wanted to touch and experience, you as he sank between your legs, turning his attention away from your face, he could hear your sigh, always so eager for him, he first took a firm grip on both of your thighs mostly to hold you in place Aemond was never a man to waste time, and you didn't think he would be now, taking you with nothing but his lips and his tongue.

Sucking and licking your clit voraciously, making you a moaning mess, even though you tried to move your thighs, and on impulse push him away, his fingers always keeping you in the position he wanted, sometimes he would stop and lightly bite your thighs or kiss you he couldn't decide, he wanted you to come in his mouth, he wanted everything you could give him, and he was willing to make you come right there.

You grabbed his hair with a slight force, not enough to hurt but to make it totally messy, it was always so perfect, you wanted to make it a mess just like he was making you.

When one of his hands let go of one of your thighs you leaned over slightly, wanting to see his face, and if you weren't already out of breath, the image of a totally disheveled Aemond eating you, while one of his hands is pleasuring himself, the sighs he let out, in his femininity of pleasure, the way he increased the speed of his hand, he was close, and you weren't far away, you stopped quickly pulling your hair.

- I want you to come inside me, Aemond. - you were panting, and you sincerely missed his mouth and the rush could be felt in his voice.

Aemond didn't say anything, he just climbed on top of you like a good predator, positioning himself at your entrance, usually quite uncomfortable and difficult to take, gripping your shoulders tightly, your nails forced into his skin, while he moaned low, a lewd kiss was shared between you, especially when he reached the maximum of you, his strokes that started out slowly, increased sporadically.

One of his hands used the bed for support and the other gripped your hips tightly painfully but at the same time, it was pleasurable, you didn't understand, this should be so uncomfortable, but it seems the deeper the harder he went inside you, the more pleasure you felt, once again the feeling of climax arose inside you, you grabbed his face, as you both shared long kisses, Aemond kissed you so fiercely, you deepened your kiss even more, and just parted for breath.

Your peak came without warning, you let go of his lips, and from your lips came a loud, tired moan, closing your eyes with pleasure, Aemond didn't take long to come, the way you seemed to squeeze him in his climax, he moaned too, a rare, audible moan, hiding your face, in his neck, you spent a while in that position, him inside you, where all your seed was taken by your beloved.

He only lay comfortably beside you, when he could feel his arm giving way, you settled down beside him, where your face rested on his neck, his heart beat almost as fast as yours, you stroked him lightly, and when he himself pulled you closer.

Silence reigned for a while, you thought you were going to break it, but as you felt his fingers on your hand, pulling your chin up so that you could make contact.

- Happy new year my beloved... Know that you mean so much to me...as you can't even imagine I alone....

It was hard, he showed it in his eyes, it was so hard to define the feelings you drew from him, that he saw as insignificant all his life but with you it seemed right and perfect.

- I know very well... I feel the same way, and you just make not only this, but all my days better, I love you so much, and you don't have to say it to me if you're not ready, because I know you do, and I love you for showing it every day, in your own way.

He let out a smile, and his eyes, even though he didn't want to admit it, were a little emotional, damn it, you were the only one, you cellared the year with the silent promise that it would never be the last.

#hotd #hotd x reader #reader #reader insert #house of the dragon x reader #house of the dragon #aemond x reader #aemond targaryen x reader #aemond imagine #aemond one eye #aemond targaryen #modern hotd #modern aemond #modern au #aemond fanfiction #fanfic

298 notes · View notes

silent-sanctum · 6 months

Text

✧ Polaris ✧ - Jotaro x Reader

PART 9: Get to Know You

— The previous parts of the fic can be found in the pinned post of my profile. Hope you enjoy! —

I rise from the dead yet again! But sorry for the wait! College's been rough with the workload but I've managed to put out a new part! No warnings this time, just joot's emotional development and a bunch of jotaro and reader fluff interactions~ But what if I told you that there's 2k+ more story over in my AO3? It's exclusive over there because it contains my OC's lore (aka the character the reader's standing in place of here). However, I promise you it's worth reading with jotaro gradually learning to open more to you and both of you just basking in peace. Regardless, hope you enjoy!

word count: 2.6k

Bright light dawned beyond his shut eyes.

Already? Jotaro stirred from where he lay on the grass, flexing his arms to stretch, though he did expect his left to be a bit heavy. Through his early morning squinting, he turned to the spot where a girl should be lying only to find it unoccupied and his arm free.

“Morning~”

Jotaro sat upright and turned to look at you sitting cross-legged across from him. He quickly swept his gaze over you to check how you fared- faintly flushed cheeks, puffy eyes, fixed hair, smoothed-out uniform. You appeared good compared to the state you were during the night prior but-

“How are you feeling?”

You looked up in thought, humming as you planted your hands on the ground to lean on them. “Better? But admittedly still like shit. As expected, I couldn’t sleep for long and ended waking up shortly after falling asleep but,” you glanced at him with a soft smile. “Company was able to get me through the hours.”

Jotaro nodded once at the words with the smallest of smiles on his face responding to yours.

“So yeah. I somewhat patched bits of myself back to… this.” You gestured to your body with one sweep.

“That’s good.”

You tilted your head with concern. “How about you?”

The probable bruises spotting all over his back and arms as a result of the chaotic whipping ached at the mention but he paid no attention as he shrugged with casual ease. “I’m fine.”

“Jotaro,” he paused at the mention of his name. He stared into your eyes and felt the weight of your gaze towards him. One that, paired with a gentle smile, carried an array of sentiments unable to be conveyed through words. “Thanks for last night. Really…”

You had a lot going on behind your confident strides, and to this moment Jotaro has yet to know about them. But with the shared look of trust between him and you, he was in no hurry to figure them out.

He tipped the visor of his hat down as a sign of acknowledgment and as means to cover his warming cheeks.

“Alright,” And as if nothing happened, you were up and standing with a clap and dust of your clothes. “Enough with the sappy stuff, we should head back to the others. They must be starting to think we did something freaky last night knowing them.”

Getting up as well, Jotaro rolled his eyes at the thought of the Crusaders poking fun at them for the nth time. “Definitely.” Though, by the feel of the mellow sunlight on his skin, it wasn’t too late in the morning and a bit more exchange of words would be nice before returning to the annoyance that was the group itself.

It’s been a while since you’ve properly talked to him like this after all.

“Let’s?”

He nodded, shoving his hands into his pockets.

With you leading the way back, they both returned to the main campsite and was greeted with the bizarre sight of Kakyoin dropping what looked like a literal piece of shit into a bowl Joseph’s breakfast pudding, before offering the bowl to the old man to feed the evil-faced baby with enthusiasm.

Jotaro didn’t question what the reasoning behind it was nor did he care that much, though you were about to if it wasn’t for Avdol, the moralistic guy that he was, politely telling you that infant was devious for some reason and what the other student did wasn’t entirely wrong.

You glanced at Kakyoin’s arm, read the “BABY STAND” carved on the skin, and understood, joining them to watch the whole feeding happen.

Polnareff woke up minutes too late to witness the child suffer from feces-tasting food.

Letting that be a bygone, the Foundation managed to track the group by the time the sun was high in the sky. In two separate teams, one transported the grimacing infant to a nearby village while the other brought the Crusaders to a remote island where they would wait for another vehicle departing for Egypt.

A submarine if he heard right.

The island itself wasn’t all too bad- Fine sand, lush tropical trees, and the tranquil ambiance of the sea. Jotaro wouldn’t mind waiting here. In group fashion, everyone kept themselves preoccupied to pass the time. The Frenchman ran off to god knows where, you and the older adults engaged in simple conversation, Kakyoin probably went to look for Pol to make sure he didn’t get himself into any trouble-

While Jotaro was left sitting by himself on the sand, a lit cigarette in hand when finding some temporary peace in the near-rhythmic crash of waves.

It felt… strange.

Even though he’d asked for breaks numerous times during their battles, a weight grew heavy on his shoulder at the fact that with each passing second, his mother’s life was slowly dwindling away and all the times they got blocked off by either an enemy or mundane inconveniences were seconds thrown away that could have been used to further progress this damn trip.

He took one long drag of his cigarette and sighed deeply, letting out a small plume of ashy gray into the air. All those times he cursed at her, dismissed her motherly affections, downright ignored her… Jotaro placed his hand on his nape, scratching lightly as if it would alleviate the rising guilt in him once he realized what he’d been doing.

What was this for? Why was I so mean to her when she did nothing but love and care for me? For a well-kept facade I didn’t even want in the first place? He hated that it took a life-or-death situation for him to ponder like this. Mom… I should call her soon…

“The young Joestar is in deep thought I see.”

Jotaro snapped out of his thoughts to notice Avdol taking a spot beside him. “So?” He took another drag.

“There’s nothing wrong in self-reflection from time to time,” he said. “For someone in their youth, all this chaotic fighting and constant travel must be starting to make you wish you’d be in school right now, right?”

“It’s fine,” the teenager shrugged. “School sucks and it bores me.”

“The high grades Holly-san told me you got throughout your academic years says otherwise.” Jotaro grumbled something incoherent that he himself didn’t know what the words were. “You’re thinking of her, aren’t you?”

“It’s shitty to think about how much of an asshole I was…”

Avdol chuckled. “I’m not going to say you’re wrong. You definitely disrespected your mother most of the time all of us were in the same room together, but as terrible your behavior was-” he patted the delinquent’s shoulders. “I know you still love Holly with all your heart. You wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t the case.”

Jotaro remained silent. He wasn’t wrong…

“Toss all my other wisdom talk aside if you wish, but I hope this advice would stick with you,” Avdol turned to his clasped hands. “Holly’s still here and when you return to her, I suggest you let her know how much you love her the way you can instead of pushing her away. Cherish the ones you love while they’re still here with us.”

If it were weeks ago, Jotaro would have done what Avdol said seconds ago and dismiss this sagely talk as nothing but some sort of “respect your parents” propaganda. Oddly enough, he didn’t feel the urge to ignore his words now that he’s stuck worrying over his mother’s life.

The spark in his cigarette dimmed down to ashes. “What’s with the random inspirational speeches? You a counselor or something?”

The Egyptian smiled. “Teacher actually. If I wasn’t doing readings or fortune telling, I worked with children, especially the troubled ones, and guided them with the right knowledge and values to live through life. That is until DIO found me and I had to seek Mr. Joestar for protection.”

Jotaro scoffed. “You see me as a kid then? Is that it?”

“Are you not? You’ve yet to mature past your rough edges after all.”

He clicked his tongue, thought not entirely disagreeing with the adult. “Whatever.”

“An answer expected from you.” Avdol stood. “You’ll understand when you’re older. Who knows? You might be a teacher in the future as well if fate deems it to be.” With that, he walked back to the others and left the reserved teenager alone with his thoughts.

Yeah right… like that would ever happen. Time continued to pass as he remained sitting on the sand, mulling over what Avdol had said to him together with memories of his mother stirring in his thoughts. At some point, Jotaro had dozed off, leaning on his propped-up knee with the remains of his cigarette left somewhere on the sand beside him.

When he came to, the sun was halfway down the horizon, dimming the sky above as the stars slowly made themselves visible. He expected to wake up by himself as is the case every time he took his naps, but with one glance to the side, he found you watching the sea beside him.

You noticed him staring so you spoke. “You’re awake.”

“I assume the sub’s not here yet?” The pointed stare and silence you gave him the answer. He sighed. “Figured.”

“Mr. Joestar and I took one stroll around the place and there’s a bunch of neat little hideouts on the island you could have slept in. It’s more secluded and quiet, has enough wind to keep cool, and the grass is short enough to not be itchy,” you said. “Why choose this spot by the water?”

“Ambiance,” he said in return. “I like the sound of waves. It’s… calming.”

He took one glimpse at you to gauge for your reaction. You weren’t looking at him when you had that soft smile on your face as you had this faraway gaze facing the mellow movements of the ocean. “The waves make me relax too. It’s what helps make it so beautiful aside from its glittery surface.”

Jotaro thought about what you said to him back in Singapore. The ocean looks beautiful, don’t you agree? Fresh from his talk with Avdol, he couldn’t help but be nostalgic for a second. “Mom used to take me to the beach when I was little… usually when I felt like shit. And it helped somewhat.”

“Lucky you. My birthplace is by the sea and by this point, you already know I had a rough past. So, I’d watch that huge body of water sway with the breeze and let myself listen to the waves as a mean for comfort.” This time, you faced him and locked his gaze with yours. “Looks like we’re not so different from each other, huh?”

“You tend to overshare though.”

“But you’ve gotten used to it by now, huh?”

He shrugged. “A bit.” A bit? A complete understatement considering his level of tolerance to her numerous bouts of talk. “But it’s either that or spend the rest of lunch bored out of my mind.”

You cooed, cupping your cheek with a small tilt of your head. “Are you saying you miss the simple times of lunch with yours truly? Or am I hearing things?”

Though he hated admitting it, he thought about what Avdol said and with some heat to his cheeks, Jotaro tipped his hat over his eyes and gave one small bob of his head. Not allowing him the silence to wallow with self-embarrassment, you giggled as you shoved him lightly.

“And here I thought you wanted this bitch to shut up.”

“Don’t flatter yourself.” Jotaro looked at you this time, finding some sort of relief in the fact you blushed deeply at the sentiment despite the teasing you were fond of doing to him. “I still prefer some peace and quiet.”

“Hey I’m not judging,” you raised your hands. “Not when I also miss our mini rooftop breaks. It’s… a nice breath of fresh air. Literally.” You let out a breathy laugh, eyes closing from your smile.

Jotaro could feel his heart beat a bit faster than before. One that always came with warmth on his face, his hands turning clammy and his stomach feeling a sensation similar to that of fluttering butterflies. It happened more often the more they made progress to Egypt.

Fuck. I don’t want to think about this. He took in a deep breath and sighed, blurting out the first thing that came to mind to divert the subject away from the familiar banter. “Admitting you like the smell of smoke now?”

“Huh?”

“It can’t be a breath of fresh air when I smoke next to you every time.”

You rolled your eyes. “The winds blow them away from for most of the time so I don’t really care, but don’t think I’ve noticed you’d smoke less and less the more we hung out.”

Jotaro cocked an eyebrow and fished through his pockets, pulling out a pack of cigarettes. To prove a point, he flipped the lid open to reveal five sticks remaining inside out of 20. “I beg to differ. This is my 3rd pack this trip.”

Which was a lie. It’s his first and is this empty only because Polnareff wanted some to smoke and practice the delinquent’s parlor trick for the nth time.

“Yah!” You leaned forward to try and snatch the box off his hand. “Are you trying to kill yourself on purpose?!” You swiped again only for Jotaro to lean back and stretch his arm away from you with a smug smirk. My turn to tease. ��You can’t do that now, we have unfinished business!”

“I don’t care.”

You deadpanned. “Liar. Now give me.”

Without anyone noticing, you ended up sprawled over his lap still struggling to reach for the pack of nicotine in his outstretched hand. Too preoccupied with making sure your grabby hands won’t reach it, Jotaro didn’t notice the slim strip of rose-gold creeping up behind him to snatch the box off his hold.

The delinquent clicked his tongue, crossing his arms. “You cheated.” Though you didn’t care as you leaned back with cheeky smile and tiny shimmy, pack of cigarettes now in your hand. “Doesn’t matter. I can always buy another.”

“To practice your little cigarette trick for the masses?”

“I can do 5 at once.”

“Shut up. You’re lying.”

“I can show you.”

You scoffed, tossing the box back at him with defeat. “Unbelievable. You really do have a death wish.”

Jotaro grew acutely aware of how much closer you got to him without you noticing, so close that he felt his shoulders brush against yours and the back of his hand overlapped with your smaller, softer one. His chest tightened and his pulse increased yet again beneath his aloof expression.

As the two of them watch the sun set below the horizon, he stilled as you leaned your head on his shoulder. Respecting the quiet air of the area, you said to him in a hushed voice. “I’d rather you not die on my watch. I don’t think my heart can handle any more of those.”

You said it with nonchalance and a smile, but he knew better. He slowly turned to glance at you still facing the ocean. Any trace of playfulness you had minutes ago dissolved, making way for that tone of sadness and longing to make its appearance just as it did prior to your breakdown.

Under the touch of your hand, his fingers twitched ever so slightly, wanting to graze your skin as minuscule means to soothe you. But Jotaro had a feeling you just needed company and nothing else at the moment.

He allowed you to rest your head on his shoulders, peacefully watching as the sky grew dark and its stars started to twinkle.

“I won’t.”

#jotaro x reader #jojos bizarre adventure #jotaro kujo #stardust crusaders #polaris au

51 notes · View notes

ctitan98official · 3 months

Text

Alcina finds out Y/N is an age regressor part 2

Okay, this one is a sequel to another post. It's also a wonderful paid commission for @tomboyab who was kind enough to share with everyone! Read that here! Y/N gets sick and Alcina takes care of them in their little space for the first time. Let’s get into it!

Alcina was always known for her towering presence and commanding demeanor. As the matriarch of castle Dimitrescu, she exuded power and strength at all times. However, there is one very important aspect of her personality that only a select few get to see - Her deeply maternal side. Alcina now knows that you are an age regressor and she honestly can’t be happier. She is honored that you are letting her take care of you in this way.

So, when you came to her complaining of a stomach ache, she immediately went into full Mommy mode.

You whimper softly, feeling discomfort in your tummy. “Mommy…” You manage to say, your voice small and vulnerable.

Alcina’s attention immediately turns to you, her caring gaze fixed upon your face. “What’s wrong, my little one?” She asks, concern evident in her voice. “Are you not feeling well?”

You nod and touch your tummy, hoping she understands what you mean. It’s hard to express yourself with words when you feel so little.

But Alcina, ever attentive, recognizes your gesture. “Oh, draga,” She coos, her voice filled with tenderness. “Does your tummy hurt? Don’t worry, let mommy take care of you.” She holds her hands out for you.

Nodding ever so slightly, you convey your agreement to be held. You trust Alcina to make it better, to chase away the pain that gnaws at your insides.

She picks you up and holds you close. She begins to gently rub your tummy, her touch soothing and comforting. She notices how tense you are as you look at her. With a reassuring smile, she says, “There’s no need to feel scared, little one. You’re safe with mommy.”

You offer her a weak smile in response, grateful for her understanding. Alcina’s presence is comforting, and you feel a bit more at ease already.

She continues to rub your tummy, making sure you are staying calm. Her tender actions bring warmth to your heart. She even checks your diaper after a little bit, attending to every aspect of your care.

Soon, though, waves of nausea begin to hit you. You feel panic as you realize you’re going to vomit. “Mommy! Sick!” You try to warn her.

Alcina immediately knows what you are trying to say and hurriedly carries you into her bathroom, getting you there just in time.

You empty your stomach into the toilet and Alcina gently rubs your back. “Shh, shh, little one. Just let it all out. I think this might make you feel a bit better,” She says in a soft tone.

Finally, after a few minutes, the horrible ickiness of the nausea passes. Once you are finished, Alcina helps you brush your teeth and then carries you back into her bedroom.

You are scared. You feel so bad. You just want this to be over with already. You begin to tear up.

“It’s okay to cry, my love,” Alcina says softly, her voice like a gentle melody. “Sometimes crying helps make us feel better.”

You feel your eyes welling up at Alcina’s words. Your emotions begin bubbling to the surface. You let the tears trickle down your cheeks, giving voice to your discomfort.

In response, Alcina cradles and swaddles you with your favorite blanket, enfolding you in her nurturing embrace. As you cry, she whispers soothing words, comforting you through your tears.

Her voice is a balm to your soul, her touch a reassurance that you’re not alone. You nestle closer to her, finding solace in her.

You still can’t believe you finally have a mommy to take care of you.

Alcina begins to rub gentle circles on your stomach again, trying to calm any signs of discomfort. “I’m here to take care of you, draga. No matter what.”

As you both sit there, Alcina notices the pacifier sitting on the table beside her. She picks it up. “Would you like this, draga?” She asks, holding it out to you. “It might help you feel more relaxed.”

You happily accept the pacifier, letting it rest in your mouth.

Alcina grins, happy to see you so content. She cradles you in her arms, swaying back and forth as she sings a soft lullaby and pats your back.

You nap for a little bit and enjoy her warmth.

You wake up a bit later and feel a little better than you did before. You happily engage in playtime, building towers with colorful blocks.

Alcina keeps a watchful eye on you and even joins you in your fun. But, she is ever attuned to your needs.

After a while, she notices a slight shift in your demeanor, a sign that draws her attention. Alcina gracefully moves closer, her nurturing presence encompassing you. Her gaze is filled with warmth and concern. “My little one,” She says gently, “It’s time for Mommy to check your diaper.” Alcina’s care and attention are always thorough, even in the midst of playtime.

You offer a small nod, acknowledging her words.

Alcina smiles as she checks and sees that you were able to go. That should make you feel a lot better. Alcina carefully lifts you up, cradling you in her arms. She carries you to a nearby changing area where she has everything prepared.

Laying you down on the changing mat, Alcina begins to remove your pants and untapes your diaper. Her movements are efficient yet gentle, ensuring your comfort throughout the process.

Meanwhile, you’re so eager to get back to your blocks. You fidget a little, finding the interruption slightly frustrating. But Alcina’s focus remains steadfast, undeterred by your restlessness. As she expertly wipes and cleans you, she maintains a reassuring stream of soothing words, her voice a constant reminder of her love. “Oh, my sweet one,” She coos, her voice melodic and tender. “I am almost done. Mommy wants you to feel clean and fresh so you can continue having fun.”

With the utmost care, Alcina fastens a clean diaper around you, making sure it’s snug and comfortable. Her attention to detail reflects her dedication to your well-being, even in the smallest of tasks.

Once she finishes, she lifts you back into her arms, cradling you lovingly. “There we go, ready to play again,” She says, a hint of pride in her voice.

As she carries you back to your blocks, you are so grateful for her thoroughness. A little break in your playing was worth the relief you feel right now. Your mommy really knows best.

——————————————————————————

Later on, when you start to get fussy again, Alcina knows exactly what to do. She quickly pulls out your blanket, wrapping you up tight like a little burrito. “There we go,” She says, her voice soothing. “You’re safe and warm in Mommy’s arms.”

She bounces you gently, the movement lulling you into a peaceful sleep. As you drift off, she whispers words of encouragement.

Alcina knows that sometimes the best medicine is simply being there for you. She holds you close, feeling your breaths steady and even. She loves to be the mommy that you always needed.

After your second little nap of the day, you wake up, wriggling and fidgeting a bit, discomfort tugging at your demeanor.

“What’s wrong, draga? Does your tummy hurt again?” Alcina asks, concern lacing her words.

You glance up at her, embarrassment filling your expression. You still feel bad, but you don’t want Alcina to worry anymore.

However, your mommy’s perceptive gaze captures your unease. With a gentle smile, she reaches out and places a hand on your cheek, her touch reassuring. “Don’t worry, my precious,” She assures you. “Mommy just wants to make sure everything is alright.” Carefully shifting you in her arms, Alcina holds you against her shoulder, providing the perfect position for burping. Her touch is supportive yet delicate, her care evident in every movement. “Let’s see if a little burp can make you feel better, my sweet one,” She whispers softly, her warm breath brushing against your ear. “Mommy will help your tummy settle.”

With practiced ease, Alcina begins to pat your back gently, her hand moving in a rhythmic pattern. The soothing motion, combined with the warmth of her touch, helps to release the trapped air in your belly.

As she continues to pat, you feel a soft pressure building within, a signal that a burp is on its way. Alcina’s patient encouragement keeps you calm, allowing your body to respond naturally. And then, with a gentle sound, the burp escapes your lips, accompanied by a sense of relief.

Alcina smiles, her eyes filled with affection. “Well done, my little one,” She praises, her voice filled with pride. “That’s it, let it all out. Mommy is here to help you feel better.”

You burp a few more times and feel much better… But now, you’re really in the mood to play with your mommy.

Alcina giggles at your enthusiasm and gets out crayons and coloring books for the two of you to do together. It’s always a special moment when you can just relax and enjoy being with your mommy. You don’t know what you would do without her.

About halfway into coloring your second picture, Alcina looks at you with a smile. “Draga, will you let me check your diaper?” She asks.

You nod. You have to remind yourself that it’s just a momentary pause in your playtime.

As your mommy carries out the task, you squirm a little, getting fussy despite knowing that she’s only doing this to help you.

Alcina notices and responds with understanding. “It’s alright to feel a little fussy, my dear,” She coos, her voice soothing. “This can be a bit uncomfortable, but it’s all part of mommy taking care of you.” She finishes checking your diaper and secures it back in place, her movements gentle and swift.

You take a deep breath, still appreciating her attentiveness, even if it did momentarily disrupt your play.

Alcina knows your deep desire to return to your activities. With a warm smile, she kisses your cheek. “Alright, my little one, let’s continue our fun,” She encourages, her voice brimming with affection. “Mommy is right here.”

You find comfort in her words. As you resume your play, her presence surrounds you like a protective shield, allowing you to fully immerse yourself in the joy of the moment.

——————————————————————————

But, unfortunately, later that evening, a faint whimper escapes your lips as you feel your body grow hot and your head throbbing with an oncoming fever. It seems you’re still sick.

Alcina, ever vigilant, notices the change in your demeanor and rushes to your side. “Oh, my poor darling,” She murmurs, concern etched on her face. She gathers your blanket and gently wraps it around your shivering form. “Let mommy take care of you.”

As she cradles you in her arms, her touch is gentle yet firm, and you feel an immediate sense of comfort.

Alcina begins to rock you back and forth, her soothing motions lulling you into a state of tranquility. “Shh, my sweet one, don’t worry,” She coos softly. “Mommy is here. Just relax.” It’s as if she’s channeling all of her maternal power to alleviate your discomfort.

You close your eyes, finding solace in her nurturing embrace.

Alcina continues to murmur soothing words, offering you a sense of security and serenity. Her voice is weaving its way into the fabric of your consciousness, helping to ease the pain of your fever.

Time seems to slip away as Alcina remains steadfast, never wavering in her care. Her gentle touch and comforting presence make you feel safe and cherished, even in the midst of illness. Your head gently rests against her, and you realize that Alcina makes an excellent pillow. The softness of her form provides the perfect support, cradling you in the most soothing way possible. It feels as if you’re nestled against a haven of warmth and security.

Wrapped snugly in the warmth of the blanket, held close in Alcina’s arms, you gradually drift into a peaceful slumber. The rise and fall of her breathing, her voice, and the tender rocking motion lull you into a restful state, allowing your body to heal.

In the quiet stillness of the room, Alcina starts to softly hum a lullaby.

The sound resonates deep within you, guiding your troubled mind into a state of deep relaxation.

Soon, your breathing steadies, your muscles gradually relax, and the fever’s grip begins to loosen.

Alcina’s tender touch never leaves your side as you sleep. She continues to stroke your hair with a gentle hand, offering a sense of support that reaches far beyond the physical. The connection between you two strengthens even more, and you can almost feel the warmth of her love permeating through your being.

You drift deeper into the realm of dreams, cradled in Alcina’s care. And as you sleep, the fever gradually subsides more and more, your body finding respite in the healing power of rest.

Alcina continues watching you throughout the night, ensuring your health and well-being.

——————————————————————————

In that cocoon of love, you awaken the next morning, refreshed and renewed.

Alcina helps you get ready for the day, hoping your sickness has passed. She can’t stand to see you miserable. As she checks your diaper, she nods in relief that you were able to go some more. She cleans you up and lets you pick out something to play with.

As Alcina watches you play, she makes sure that she is prepared for every possibility, even your restlessness.

After about twenty minutes, with her ever-present gaze, she notices the signs of growing unease within you again. Her heart clenches. She hopes you just need a bit of reassurance and that you’re not squirming around because you still feel bad.

Alcina moves to retrieve your pacifier. She holds it gently, the soft silicone nipple ready to bring you comfort.

Approaching you with a nurturing smile, she says, “It seems like my little one might need something to soothe them. Don’t worry, mommy has just the thing for you.”

As she offers you the pacifier, you recognize it as a source of calm. Your eyes meet Alcina’s, and with a slight nod, you open your mouth, accepting the pacifier.

Alcina carefully places it between your lips, and you instinctively begin to suckle on it. The soothing action fills you with a sense of security, as if all the worries you were feeling just completely melted away.

Giggling at the blissed out look on your face, Alcina gently picks you up, her touch tender and loving. With each gentle sway, she coos softly at you.

You find solace in the rhythm of your mommy’s voice, the gentle rocking motion, and the pacifier’s familiar presence. It’s a reminder that Alcina is there at all times, ready to provide you with the care and attention you need.

As you settle into a more peaceful state once more, Alcina continues to hold you, offering the comfort of her motherly embrace. She knows that sometimes, all you need is her loving presence to bring you back to a place of tranquility.

Masterlist

#re8 #re8 village #alcina dimitrescu #lady dimitrescu #alcina dimitrescu x reader #alcina dimitrescu x y/n #lady dimitrescu x reader #lady dimitrescu x y/n #age regression #nonsexual age regression #sfw agere #sfw age regression

24 notes · View notes

girlfriendsofthegalaxy · 3 months

Text

tuesday again 2/6/2024

some weeks it's really hard to come up with a snappy little bon mot to put here

listening

Barbarella, by a fuck of a lot of people. yes i DID watch this movie this week! this is the single catchiest theme song i have ever heard. i cannot link the actual opening credits scene bc tumblr will censor that shit SO fast. spotify

youtube

reading

Rebecca Roanhorse's Tread of Angels novella. this is an urban magic old west religious fantasy novella. VERY sangfielle friendsatthetable vibes, there's an old west mining town centered around the body of the demon Abbadon, which is being mined for its powerful properties. demons and angels have sort of interbred throughout the human population. there is some deeply nerdy catholic bullshit and i say that as someone who was in catholic school for fifteen years. actually let's just take Roanhorse's explanation

the setting and premise are not where the novella bites off way more than it can chew. the main character, a cardsharp, has a chanteuse sister being held accused of a murder and she's got 48hrs to prove her innocence. the time limit and general structure is good, and it uses its side characters wisely, there's just a fuck of a lot of them.

in general, this novella does not have the emotional room to make its emotional beats really count. for example, there was a second breakup with an ex after a night of passion that mostly just left me confused. more broadly, the main character has an oldest sister's selfsacrificing nature that has twisted into utter ruthlessness with regards to her sister, and i'm both impressed Roanhorse managed to convey that in so few pages and annoyed bc i really wanted to see more of that in way more detail. due to the nature of it being a novella, the series of escalating decisions she takes feel very jagged in their escalation. i hope that makes sense.

it's got really interesting ideas! i want to know more about the ideas! i wish this was a full book instead of a novella, so the ending hits a little better instead of a Well That Just Happened way. from this interview it seems Roanhorse also wanted it to be a full book, but it was sort of a "i need something short and sweet so i don't go insane while adapting my other book for TV" (which is very exciting!!!)

watching

really a bizarre set of films. extremely unemployed energy in this watchlist this week. largely composed of "what's on my letterboxed watchlist and also available for free on tubi, with brief forays into hulu"

Journey to the West: Conquering the Demons (2013, dir. Chow). loved the overall visual design of the antagonists and the monsters, did not overall love this movie. it is a solid martial arts showcase and the first twenty minutes with freshwater JAWS are the most tightly plotted. it kind of flounders (lol) after that. can't find a gif i like.

INU-OH (2021, dir. Yuasa) genuinely healed my heart a little i think. queer (complimentary, not queer in the western massachusetts housing coop way) feudal anime glam rock opera. i am sooooooo picky about bad dads in movies as a driving force but this really soothed my daddy issues. stuck the landing on both storytelling and visuals.

Barbarella (1968, dir. Vadim) WOW Jane Fonda was hot. this was both sillier and less porny than i was led to believe (if we ignore the softcore porn opening credits). however horny this movie was it was not brave enough to have some girl-on-girl action with barbarella and the evil empress, even though the evil empress never seems to actually learn her name and just calls her “pretty” or “pretty-pretty”. shoutout to the one fic on ao3 that rectifies this situation. certainly a piece of scifi history, i wish modern scifi was as brave with its theatrical set dressing, i think one viewing is good enough for me bc i cannot stop thinking about how all the women on set might have been treated.

john philip law popped up and i said out loud to my cat “hey i know him from cowboys”

Flower Drum Song (1961, dir. Koster) got conned into watching this by the hotvintagemen poll bc i wanted to see what james shigeta’s deal was, and if he did have a sort of ratpack sensibility as the propaganda described. he does! however this movie is unrelentingly awful. it is so so so slow. all of its comedy is racism-based. it feels like a three and a half hour two-VHS set instead of two hours. i like to think i have a stronger stomach for older media and am able to consider things as products of their times but this is my upper limit i think. one brief fleeting moment of cool production with this triple mirror effect

Dirty Dancing (1987, dir. Ardolino). we were trying to find something to watch on either peacock or hbo max, and when i said "oh i've never seen that" out loud my my best friend said "that's insane we're watching it". i did not hate this movie, but i feel like i missed some critical window of development in which i would have had to see this movie to really love it. i had sort of an abnormal high school experience and i am a smidge too old to relate to bildungsroman any more. but it was cute! it was fine! i think patrick swayze’s jawline could cut glass. this film was made after Roe v Wade (1973) and i feel like the backstreet abortion b-plot has done this interesting 180 from sort of a historical novelty to a real threat and terror again. fun!

that’s it for the watching section i promise

playing

im doing the thing where i play a game for ten minutes, put it down, and then pick it back up again, which is probably not terrific for the health of my elderly switch. but whatever. what have i been up to in breath of the wild?

not a ton of progress map-wise, but did make it up to zora’s domain.

i was planning on the camel being the first divine beast, to get that over with bc i had such a devil of a time in my last playthrough, but the thing about the desert is it’s really far away.

dicked around the dueling peaks stables for a while without managing to defeat that guardian and unlock that shrine. so it goes. i think i really need an actual guardian shield from one of the minor tests of strength shrines instead of a normie shield. this line and sidequest made me laugh— it wasn’t terribly hard to find this little cache but it was a tricky bit of gliding.

didn’t realize the horses don’t have that much vertical threat perception, just like real horses. this little band walked right under me and i failed to glide down and land perfectly on someone’s back, which did freak them all out.

i think my new favorite place in a game is this little grove clinging to the side of the dueling peaks. it felt very peaceful and cozy. nothing can get me up there and there’s more than enough room to make a little campfire and cook dinner and not roll off the mountain in a sleeping bag the middle of the night.

also fully kitted out my house bc i had a very successful mining expedition along dueling peaks. EXTREMELY forgiving and generous secondary opening area imo, thanks game

making

i started this glitch sampler pattern by tumblr's own mathysphere (not @'d bc this is a fuck of a long post) at the beginning of the pandemic, june 2020, while thinking "eh let's give this friends at the table counterweight thing a shot" got most of the way through both counterweight and this piece, put it down bc i was so annoyed with all the confetti stitches (random one-off stitches of colors that aren't anywhere near other stitches of the same color. i think i resorted to fraychek at several points in the rover square) and then put it down so long i had to throw it out during the great moth debacle, bc it was partly eaten.

here's what it will look like finished, and a link to buy the pattern

i think this time around i am a much better technical stitcher (the first crack at this i didn't know the loop method of starting, or pin stitches, or really any alternate endings except running the tail under the last few stitches). i usually stitch with three strands bc i like the look, but i think the loop method with three strands is overly fiddly. i have not picked up cross stitch since mmmm 2021, but any mistakes or unevenness in this will simply contribute to the glitch effect. i'm going to go back and backstitch the four "frames" and key portions of the sampler to highlight portions of the glitches (eg the yellow and blue centers of the spiral galaxy, the interior of the eclipse, perhaps add an antenna to the rover).

still not my tidiest back, but hey. it's going to sit in a frame and not have any sort of friction or extra force applied to it ever

i am really looking forward to framing this in a deep shadowbox, i have an idea about how to mat it with little melty cutouts for the drips at the bottom.

#tuesday again #tuesday again no problem

24 notes · View notes

corrodedseraphine · 1 year

Text

have mercy on me | #2 wish you the best

pairing: eddie munson x fem!reader

chapter summary: Eddie is once again closing a chapter in his life called Chrissy. This time, hopefully, it's over for good. This, however, was the first step to lift his head out from under the heavy and aggressive waves. Unfortunately, without your help, everything was much harder.

the story is also avaliable on ao3

previous chapter | masterlist | eddie munson masterlist | general masterlist

song that I used: Lewis Capaldi - Wish you the best (and I slightly changed the text, so it would fit better in the story, I hope that's okay)

thank you @i-me-mine for always helping me with making a decision, and @phantypurple for the idea how to develop the hallway scene ♥

once again, no promises guys. I am in shock how many of you wanted to be tagged in the second part and I really hope you won't be dissapointed.

"We have two hours before my parents are back." Chrissy said, closing the house door behind her. Eddie wordlessly followed her to her room feeling the weight in his chest grow heavier. Days passed and girl's behavior, despite her promises, did not change. "I missed them." she said taking his hand and began to look at the long ringed fingers. "No one could take care of me as well as you." She purred and began kissing his neck, then biting it gently. There was a time when the touch of her lips on his neck drove him crazy. Now, however, they seemed shallow. Emotionless. Meaningless. They had always been like that, but then, poorer in experience, he didn't know what it meant and how it felt when someone could convey ever single emotion with a simple touch. When you kissed him he felt that you needed him. He felt that you wanted him in every way, felt all the love you had inside you and wanted to give him. Now when the cheerleader's lips formed wet paths on his skin he felt none of these things. Chrissy didn't miss him. She missed how he was able to make her feel good. She missed how all his attention was focused on her and he did everything to always meet her expectations. He did everything for her and it still wasn't enough.

"Maybe I could finally meet your parents?" he asked suddenly pushing her away.

"What? Why are you bringing this up now?" she was taken aback.

"Don't you think maybe I could finally meet them and stop sneaking around here like some kind of an intruder?"

"Uh...that's not the best idea..." Her eyes nervously looked around the room avoiding his.

"Why? Are you ashamed of me?" Deep down he knew the answer to that question.

"We just got back together, I need some time."

"Then maybe let's go to my place? You'll meet my uncle, there we won't have to hide."

"Eddie, this is not the best time for such things. Let's just focus on the fact that we're here alone and we can enjoy each other." Wanting to divert his attention from the difficult questions he was asking, she began slowly pulling off his vest.

"Do you think you'll ever be able to love me Chrissy?" This question should have been asked months ago. At the very beginning when the first symptoms of the fact that he was not as important to her as she was to him appeared.

"Eddie..." she didn't know what to answer.

"I know I'm able to love you again Chrissy, but I need to know if you're even capable of doing it for the first time with me? You keep reminding me that you are my first love, but I'm beginning to wonder if I was any of yours?"

"To fall in love with me all over again? What are you talking about?" her surprise slowly turned into annoyance.

"You broke my heart, somehow I managed to recover from that, but you were not there. You weren't there for me when I needed it and you weren't there when I bounced back. So you know... there may be a very long road ahead, which is why I want to know if you will ever be able to love me."

"You expect very hard answers from me, Eddie. I need time."

"So let me know when you can finally talk to me about it." was disappointed but not surprised. He expected such a reaction. "See you later Chrissy." He left the house and returned to the trailer. I need time. She always needs time. But not for what needs to be done. She needs more time to once again manipulate and blindside him. But this time he did not fool himself into thinking that he would actually get an answer after some time. It was a lost cause.

Your broken heart was merciless to you. Without giving a moment's rest it sucked all the life energy out of you, making you feel like you had nothing left. In the morning, sensing you couldn't cope with the reality that awaited you there, you lied to your mother that you felt very unwell only to be hidden under a blanket that like a shield protected you from the outside world.

At the same time school life went on at its own pace, until...

"Too bad you weren't with us yesterday, babe." Jason said while embracing Chrissy.

"I told you, I had to study." She rolled her eyes and looked around.

"Why don't you tell us more about your studying with Munson?" one of the members of the basketball team snarked.

"What the hell are you talking about Ted?" asked Jason.

"I saw our sweet Chrissy leading none other than the Freak to her house yesterday. I didn't know she was tutoring now." the boy had fun seeing Chrissy's angry face.

"What is wrong with you?!" Jason yelled looking at her. Hearing the his raised voice, a group of curious students began to gather around them. Somewhere at the end of the crowd was Eddie. "We just got back together, and you are cheating on me with him again? You're impossible!"

"I'm not cheating on you with him Jason!" she was trying to defend. "He's the one who came to ask me for a second chance!" Lies. More lies. Eddie was watching this wondering how stupid he was to believe that she can change. She can't. And this time he refused to remain in the shadows. He had come to terms with the fact that it was over and had no intention of taking part in this circus anymore.

"Cut the bullshit, Chrissy." he said stepping out in front of the crowd. "You invited me yesterday, I wouldn't have done it myself." he said tilting back his hair so everyone could see the little hickey on his neck.

"It wasn't me! Maybe it's y/n, she's always been drooling at the sight of you, even when we were together! I don't care what you do with her! But clearly she must be hopeless since you wanted to come back to me!" she was panicking.

"Don't you dare talk about her like that!" He was exhausted by the whole situation, feeling that he was on the verge of breaking down. He was furious with Chrissy for the way she treated him, but when she started insulting you he knew he couldn't let it go. He was beginning to hate himself for putting you in the middle of all this.

"How else can I call her and her pathetic sad songs?" Chrissy kept rambling on completely not expecting this to be her final show.

"Just Shut Up!" Eddie shouted losing his patience. "You're the one who begged me for a second chance! You were the one who couldn't stand the fact that I've moved on and I'm much happier than I was with you! You cheated on me with him, You broke my heart and wanted to do it all over again! I'm sick of it."

"She cheated on you with me? She cheated on me with you!" interjected an indignant Jason.

"I don't give a shit about this Carver." Eddie rubbed his face with his hand. "I am fucking done, and you..." He pointed his finger at Chrissy. "You're not worth it. You never were."

"You'll regret it." she said through her teeth. Eddie just laughed and shook his head.

"The only thing I regret was allowing you to be with me the second time. Because of that, I lost someone much more important."

"She will never be like me!"

"That's the point. She will always be much better than you."

"I don't believe I'm saying this, but Freak is right. You're not worth it." Jason waved his hand and walked through the crowd leaving Eddie and Chrissy in the spotlight.

"Eddie..." her tone was different now. There was no longer a trace of anger in it. She would not fall for it this time. No more manipulation. Without a word, he backed away and left the building. He felt completely different than he expected. This time, instead of piercing pain, he felt relief. The last thread between him and Chrissy was cut. A weight fell from his heart when he closed that chapter in his life. However, this was only the beginning of fixing.

When you showed up at school the next day you felt too many stares on you. As you walked down the halls people suddenly went silent or their voices turned into whispers. Even during class, you couldn't escape it. Anxiety grew in you every minute, and the fact that you didn't know what was going on made everything worse. When it came time for lunch you knew that you definitely wouldn't find peace in the crowded canteen. Talking to Robin about how you were feeling the two of you hid in music class.

"Maybe I'm exaggerating, but I feel like the whole school isn't taking their eyes off me today. It's weird." You said sitting down at the table.

"Yesterday was quite... interesting. There was one big drama between Chrissy, Jason and Eddie..."

"Stop." you interrupted her. "I don't think I want to know what's going on anymore."

"Are you sure? I think it's quite important." she looked at you worriedly.

"I'm sure. I don't want to hear anything about them for now." you were convinced that it was all because Jason had found out that Eddie and Chrissy were back together.

"Okay." she said and began unpacking food from her backpack. You, feeling a huge knot of anxiety in your stomach, had no appetite. "Have you written any new songs?" she asked while biting into her sandwich.

"Yes, one." you answered and took out a piece of paper with lyrics from your bag. Robin read the words with interest.

"It's great..." she commented.

"But?" you asked, seeing her hesitation.

"Are you sure you don't want to hear what happened yesterday?" she sighed.

"No. At least not now," you replied.

"Maybe it would be worth giving it a chance? To listen to him?"

"I don't know if I have any strength to do that Robin. It's all too painful. I still miss him. I miss him like hell and one part of me dreams of nothing but having him back in my life. But on the other hand, it still hurts. When I see him, I feel furious, unable to forgive him for what he did."

"Do you want to sing to me about it?" she asked, smiling gently. She didn't want to convince you more, she knew that forcing you to do such things would not end well. As your friend, she wanted to be there for you and support you no matter what you decided.

At the same time, Eddie had been standing outside the door from the music hall for a good 10 minutes. As soon as he noticed that you were going there with Robin he saw it as an opportunity to try to talk to you because you had been constantly avoiding him since the morning. In his mind he was repeating everything he wanted to say to you, trying to predict every possible reaction that could come from you. Every now and then he would put out his hand, sweaty from nerves, wanting to grab the handle and go inside, but he would immediately withdraw it. Fighting an internal battle with himself, he couldn't decide what to do. Then he heard the sound of an old piano, and after a while your voice.

I miss knowin' what you're thinkin' And hearin' how your day has been Do you think you can tell me everything, darling? But leave out every part about her Right now you're probably by the ocean While I'm still out here in the rain With every day that passes by since we've spoken It's like our dreams are turning grey Maybe it's supposed to be this way

But, oh, my love I wanna say I miss the brown in your eyes And when I said we could be friends, guess I lied I wanna say I wish that you never left Oh, but instead I only wish you the best I wanna say without you, everything's wrong And you were everything I need all along I wanna say I wish that you never left Oh, but instead I only wish you the best

Well, I can't help but notice You seem happier than ever now And I guess that I should tell you I'm sorry It seems I was the problem somehow Maybe I only brought you down

Wish I could say it's something I really mean But I want you happy whether not it's with me I wanna say I wish that you never left Oh, but instead I only wish you the best I wanna say without you, everything's wrong And you were everything I need all along I wanna say I wish that you never left Oh, but instead I only wish you the best

You didn't deserve all the pain he caused you. You didn't deserve to be sad. The fact that he made you think you weren't good enough for him tightened his throat. The claws of guilt clenched even tighter when he heard that despite how he hurt you, you still wished him well. On impulse, he pushed the door handle hard and rushed inside.

"You were never the problem." He said as soon as your gaze fell on him.

"What do you want Eddie?" the very sight of him was like pouring salt on a wound.

"To talk. Please." his eyes glazed over with tears, he was desperate. And even though you felt like running away, you didn't. Part of you, despite the pain, wanted to hear what he had to say.

"I will leave you alone." Robin said. "I'll wait for you in front of the classroom."

"Okay." you said. When she left your eyes went back to him again.

"I broke up with Chrissy." he said quickly. "Everything is over between us, for good."

"What do you expect from me? Congratulations? Are you looking for a shoulder to cry on again?" Your words were sharp and painful. Even if he was ready for them and expected them, nothing could protect him from it. It was hard for you, too. You never wanted to be a person who would hurt those whom you loved. Unfortunately, you did not know how to deal with it any other way. Feelings of betrayal and disappointed trust still filled you, so fighting pain with causing pain clouded your view on the world and you couldn't find another solution. You couldn't afford to be vulnerable.

"I just wanted you to know, a-and-" he looked confused. It was as if he was sinking once again, but this time he saw no light from the safe haven anywhere.

"I'll ask again Eddie, why did you choose her? What was I not good enough at?" hot tears steamed your cheeks. "Who held you in their arms when she left? Where was Chissy when you drank yourself into unconsciousness from sadness? Who carried you half-conscious into the trailer and held your hair when you were throwing up?" you didn't want to use his moments of weakness against him but it was all too much for you. Flustered, you began to list further. "Where was Chrissy during your concerts? Where was she during the competition? Did she finally stop avoiding meetings with your uncle? Did she finally introduce you to her family? When her friends called you the worst names, did she do anything other than look the other way and pretend not to hear them?" you were angry, but mostly hurt. "It was ME who was by your side the whole time, not Chrissy. I was the one who wiped away all your tears Eddie, you knew very well how I felt about you, you knew very well that I would do anything for you! And it still wasn't enough. Without hesitation I gave you my heart, because I naively believed that you were really capable of loving me, but I was wrong. It turned out even that was not enough. No matter how hard I tried, you would always choose to be heartbroken by her, rather than give me a chance."

"I know you hate me now, but-"

"I don't hate you, Eddie! I wish I could hate you but I fucking love you and it hurts me even more! You said I was like a lighthouse that helped you get home during the storm. Why did you throw yourself into those waves once again? The pain she gave you was better than staying with me?"

"I was an idiot! Blinded by fucking stereotype about first love, I thought it was the right thing to do! I knew what to expect from her, but I didn't know what to expect from you, from us! Things were different with you, no one had ever behaved like that towards me, I was afraid that sooner or later it would all end anyway..." he said, and only later it occurred to him what the meaning of these words was. Thinking that he couldn't hurt you he was wrong.

"I'm sorry to tell you this Eddie but in most cases first love sucks. It mercilessly destroys everything you ever believed in leaving you nothing but a wreck! But now I'm beginning to think that all loves are just like that..." you wipe away the tears. You didn't want to show him how much you were hurting.

"y/n..."

"How would you react if I were the one to go back to Ethan? If I had been the one to leave you for him just because he was my first love and I knew what to expect from a relationship with him?"

"You know damn well he was a piece of shit and didn't deserve you." he growled without thinking.

"Why do you think he was a piece of shit?"

"Because he cheated on you with half the cheerleading squad! He didn't appreciate what he has!"

"That's right Eddie. He cheated on me with half the cheerleading squad. Including Chrissy." you said bitterly. "You have no right to say that he didn't appreciate what he had, because you didn't want it either."

"I beg you, let me fix it." He grabbed your hand, but you quickly snatched it away.

"I'm not a consolation prize Eddie. Not again," you said.

"You never were!"

"Stop lying! You always come to me only when she disappears from your life leaving a void! I fell for it once but never again Eddie. Never fucking again." You walked past him and out of the room leaving him alone. He felt like someone had ripped out his heart and torn it into little pieces.

What he felt when he first caught Chrissy cheating was nothing compared to what was happening now. Now, on top of all this, he added self-hatred. He hated himself for all the harm he had done to you. He hated himself for every tear you shed because of him. He hated himself for every song you wrote about him. Indeed, a song. His hazy gaze fell on the piece of paper with the lyrics that you had forgotten to take. He approached slowly and began to stare at your writing. At the words that were directed to him. Despite the fact that the song was beautiful he wished it had never been written. At that moment he dreamed of nothing more than turning back time, and sending Chrissy straight to hell.

I wanna say without you, everything's wrong And you were everything I need all along I wanna say I wish that you never left, I wanna say I wish you loved me instead of her Oh, but instead I only wish you the best

The crossed-out phrase was glaring him. He stopped loving Chrissy. Of that he was sure. So why then did he accept her back? What the fuck is wrong with you Munson? He asked himself, yet he didn't know the answer. He felt as if everything was wrong with him. He had never been great at making good decisions, but this one seemed to be on the top of the worst ones in his entire life.

For the rest of the classes he did his best not to let on how awful he felt. With a mask of false happiness on his face, he survived to the end. He didn't want others to know the truth. He knew that if only someone noticed even a single tear from his eye the rumor would spread faster than anything else. The worst part would be that people would link it to Chrissy, and he couldn't let that happen.

It wasn't until a trailer appeared in his sight that he felt all the dams inside him burst. Without a word he went inside, ignoring his uncle's questions, and locked himself in his room. His heart began to beat faster and his breathing caught up with the speed. Here he didn't have to pretend. Here he could allow himself a moment of weakness. Tears began to fall, however, he didn't know if it was from sadness or anger. He felt overwhelmed. He was crushed to the ground by something heavy, so that he was unable to get up. He nervously started looking around the room, noticing objects that reminded him of her. A hair elastic she had once lent him, some Polaroids taken in the privacy of her room, where they were together, a pen he had once borrowed from her. The small objects seemed too big now. Not fitting here. Quickly he picked up the bin that stood by the bed and started throwing everything away. Everything that only connected him to the past. He even got rid of his T-shirt, which she claimed was her favorite. There was no place in his life for her anymore. Throwing it all away was the final step. A symbolic ritual that brought him even more relief despite the tears that still flowed into his eyes. Looking around to see if he was sure he had cleared out everything, he swung his hand, knocking down the photo that stood on his bedside table.

"No! nononono..." he began to repeat while bending down to pick it up. "Damn it! Shit!" he cursed. Looking at the broken frame, he couldn't stand it anymore. Eddie was never one of those people who cried out loud. This time when the first sob left his mouth right after it like a domino flew others. "I am so sorry, so fucking sorry." He looked in despair at the framed photo he received from you right after breaking up with Chrissy.

"As a reminder that you will never be alone," you said handing him a wooden frame.

Inside there was a photo that Gareth had once taken at one of the rehearsals. You were sitting side by side playing one guitar. Eddie was responsible for the chords on its neck with one hand and you were strumming the rhythm. You looked at each other with a smile. Now looking at this photo he was able to recognize your look. A gaze full of warmth and love that you had felt for him for a very long time. Unfortunately, now everything was damaged, cracked, just like the frame he held in his hands.

He helplessly sank to the floor leaning against the bed. When the door from his room opened and a worried Wayne stood in it.

"Can we talk son?" he asked entering the room slowly.

"I'm not in the mood, Wayne." Eddie replied while wiping his tears into the sleeve.

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about." The man sat down next to his nephew on the floor. "You know I usually try to respect your privacy and give you space, but your condition worries me."

Eddie answered nothing, still looking at the photo he held in his shaking hands. He also tried to calm the sounds of crying that desperately wanted to escape from his throat.

"It's okay if you feel like crying, boy. Everyone needs to cry their eyes out sometimes." He put his arm around him, at which Eddie burst out in tears once again. Wayne said nothing more. He held him in his arms waiting for each wave of sadness to pass. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen him so shaken. His hiccuped breaths were the only sound filling the room.

"I fucked up." he gulped. "I destroyed everything. Everything."

"Wanna tell me about it?"

He did. He told everything from the very beginning. Taking his uncle through all the events step by step, he shared his pain with him. He didn't feel judged. Instead, he felt listened to. When he finished telling the story, from his pocket he took out a bent piece of paper that he had taken earlier from the music room and handed it to him. The man read the text in silence without asking questions. He knew your handwriting, you had shown him many times the songs you had written together. Knowing the whole situation now, he also guessed that the song you wrote was about Eddie.

"You made a mistake son. Now you must face its consequences." he said handing him back the piece of paper. "But I think that you still have a chance," he said.

"She said she still loves me, and that it hurts her even more,"

"And we can't be surprised by it. You yourself know very well how it hurts when the person we love breaks our heart." his voice was calm. He wasn't going to lie to Eddie that everything would be fine. He wasn't going to lie by saying he hadn't done anything wrong. "But judging by that song, by what she said... there is still hope. You just have to decide if you want it and if you are willing to fight for it."

"I want it, I want it so damn much," he said.

"You know it won't be easy?"

"I know... but she's worth it. She always has been."

"You have to try to explain it to her."

"I tried today, but I screwed things up even more."

"Try until you get it right. Show that you care. You deserve a second chance son. I know you and I know that you are worth it too."

"Do you really think so?"

"I know it."

"Thanks." He hugged his old man and got up from the floor later helped him do the same.

"What are you going to do now?"

"To try until it works." Determined, he left the house and got into his car.

When he pulled up in your driveway all the windows were covered. Just as he thought, no one opened the door when he knocked on it. After a few attempts, he returned to his car, creating in his mind a map of places where he could find you. Unfortunately, there was no sign of you anywhere. The next stop was Robin's house, but you were not there either. Mrs. Buckley, though, mentioned that you and her daughter had arranged a movie marathon at Steve's house.

Standing in front of the Harringtons' mansion, he felt very strange. Out of place. His barely alive van parked next to a shiny BMW caused curious neighbors to look out the windows watching him. After several knocks on the door, Steve opened it.

"You've got to be kidding me. What are you doing here?" he asked crossing arms over his chest.

"Let me talk to her please," Eddie said.

"Dude do you have any idea what you did with her? I've never seen anyone in my life able to cry so much, we couldn't calm her down for over an hour." Steve looked around, seeing the curious stares he stepped aside letting Eddie inside and closed the door behind them. "You have to be quiet, she fell asleep and don't even dare wake her up."

"Steve? Who is it?" Robin's whisper came from the stairs.

"Y/n has a guest..." Hearing this, the girl found herself downstairs at the speed of light sticking her gaze into the metalhead.

"You look like shit." she said measuring him from top to bottom. His eyes were still bloodshot from crying.

"Well... I am a piece of shit, so the look fits." he replied quietly.

"At least we agree on that." Her answer was sharp. Still, he didn't expect any different.

"I really care about her, let me talk to her, please." he went straight to the point.

"If you care so much about her why did you choose Chrissy? Your words go against everything you do." Steve said.

"I don't know why! At that moment I wasn't even sure if I still loved her, but at the time it seemed reasonable that it should be that way."

"It was the stupidest decision you could have made," said Steve.

"I know I want to fix it!"

"There's no way I'm going to let you close to her, Musnon. I left you alone today with the hope that you could really explain everything, and you broke her even more. I didn't even know it was possible!" Robin was furious.

"Every time we manage to pick up the pieces of her and somehow glue it all together you smash everything up all over again. How many more times are you going to leave her with a broken heart?" Steve questioned.

"Never. Never again if you just let me." He was ready to beg them on his knees. They were like an impenetrable shield protecting you from him.

"No way." Robin was adamant. Steve, however, saw something different in all this, so he looked at his friend with a meaningful gaze. "Are you crazy? You really want to give him a chance?!" she exclaimed in a whisper.

"You know perfectly well that he is the only person who can finally make her happy! We will never do that! And besides, he cares. The fact that he came all the way here just shows how desperate he is!" Eddie couldn't believe what was happening. Steve Harrington was just taking his side. The same Steve Harrington who should have flung his fists at him the moment he saw him on his doorstep for breaking his friend's heart.

"You're mental! Do you really think he deserves forgiveness? After everything he did to her?"

"Yes, I believe!" this time emotions took over and he was unable to keep his voice quiet. Everyone was shocked by the loudness and turned their gaze towards the stairs that led upstairs where you were sleeping. After a moment of silence, when they heard no sound Steve continued, whispering again. "I too have made many mistakes Robin. You know very well that I was much worse than he was, but you have forgiven me. You all forgave me and gave me a chance to show that I can change. That I can fix my mistakes. Maybe it's worth at least trying? Do you remember how happy she was with him? We've never seen her like that in our lives, so maybe it's worth letting him."

"Fine." she said after a moment of reflection. When she analyzed what Steve had said, it was hard for her to disagree. "But not today. Let her rest for goodness sake." she sighed. "This will be your last chance, Munson. I hope you don't screw it up."

Before he could say anything Robin came back upstairs leaving him alone with Steve.

"Thanks man..." he said quietly.

"Listen, I seriously believe you have no intention of hurting her again...But that doesn't mean we forgive you. Just make sure you don't mess anything up this time."

"I promise." he said.

When he returned home Wayne was gone. Entering the room, he noticed how a new, empty photo frame lay on the bed, with an old, shattered one next to it. He quickly put the photo in the new one and set it on the bedside table where it had been placed before.

"I won't give up on you." he said quietly feeling a familiar sting in his chest. The realization that you were now sleeping in Steve Harrington's bed didn't help either, because he would have given anything to have you in his arms again. Instead, he had an empty, cold place next to him reminding him of the emptiness you left behind.

Staring at the photo, he recalled how he felt when you chose him for the first time. Silence like the one that surrounded him now spread memories of how safe he felt with you. He closed his eyes, hoping that in his dream everything would be fine. Despite the fact that no one was breathing beside him now, he wanted your soothing whisper to lull him to sleep. Imagining it all again, he felt the wet drops running along his cheeks. In his mind he still had your face, he still had it, and he wanted to hold on that sight tightly, vowing that if he ever managed to get you back he would do everything to not lose you again.

taglist: @i-me-mine @phantypurple @chrissymjstan @sidthedollface2 @bakugouswh0r3 @tlclick73 @1paire2vans

108 notes · View notes