#i just feel like absolute shit and completely helpless with everything and i'm (not even slowly) losing control of myself

[born-to-lose]

[neko-loogi]

Heeeyy, I'm back with a new Helluva Boss opinion post thingy

Okay so, the Mammon episode- it was alright I guess? Tbh it didn't strike me as super awesome or anything, it's just kinda there?

Anyway, let's talk about it a little bit!

So I wanted to start off with Mammon himself, I'm gonna be honest I don't hate him but I don't like him either. I'll admit I do actually like his voice, I'm sure y'all might find it annoying but I dunno, I like his accent and the way he talks is kinda funny. His design tho? Eh, it could use some work.

For instance, his eyes are weird, like every time he was on screen my first thought was always: "Wow, he looks like Robin from TTG". I also hate how he's shaped like your typical "fat" character from cartoons. But for some reason they decided to give him skinny arms but a round body. He's weirdly disproportionate, which is disappointing because they definitely could make a better plus sized character design. But oh well, knowing Viv, she wouldn't even try.

I will admit his true demon form is kinda cool, except that I actually thought he was going to be a caterpillar or something but he's a spider? I swear, Viv has some weird design choices.

Moving on, the episode was cluttered as hell. It had way too much stuff in it, which made the episode feel eternal. Not only that but the episode has 4 songs.. FOUR FUCKING SONGS- When will Viv realize that not every HB episode needs a song? Like is this shit an animated series or a fucking musical? Make up your mind Viv-

Anyway, I'm glad this episode focuses on Fizz, but his character did feel a bit off in certain scenes, but aside from that everything else was fine. (I found that scene of Fizz talking to the deaf imp child while using sign language to be very endearing).

Alright, I'mma point out a few other things real quick:

Ozzie's relationship with Fizz is absolutely adorable and I love them so much. However I don't understand why they portray their relationship as a bad thing? Like, fucking Queen Bee is dating Vortex (who's a hellhound, and they are a lower class than imps) and nobody says anything and she's a sin- so why can't Ozzie do the same??

I also happen to noticed that Fizz and Mammon's relationship is similar to Angel Dust and Valentino's- I just hope they don't completely butcher my boy Fizz, because he's the ONLY character I genuinely like from this god awful series.

Edit: I find it outrageous that Fizz apologized to Blitzo in the previous episode for the accident and claims that yes, he was affected by it but he's gotten over it. Yet here, he's super insecure about it and seeks approval from Mammon. It doesn't make sense- I swear it's like the characters are evolving backwards (as in the character development just resets and they act like nothing happened).

I also just wanted to say that this character made me feel super uncomfortable throughout the episode (which I guess is the point, but honestly they didn't need to add him.) Like, was it really necessary to include this Reddit mod, Discord user incel with an obsessive personality to the episode? He doesn't really contribute much other than to probably trigger people who have dealt with some form of harassment like this, and to make Fizz look super helpless so that Blitzo can defend him.

Blitzo didn't contribute anything to the episode, they didn't need to add him either. Like we get it he's the main character but that doesn't mean he has to be in every fucking episode doing absolutely nothing other than saying a bunch of curse words or shooting someone.

In conclusion, I didn't like this episode that much. I was expecting more to be completely honest.

Sorry if this post was a little long- I wanted to write more stuff but I don't want to burden y'all with reading a lot of shit lmao. Anyway, that's all, love ya <3

[hyperfocuscentre]

giving disney princesses godly parents 'cause i'm bored

RAPUNZEL: I feel like Apollo is probably the most obvious option. She has a talent for singing and is incredibly creative: she sews her own outfits, makes candles and paints every blank space on her walls with colourful depictions of the things she sees and dreams of. Not even mentioning the healing powers. With the ungodly amount of time she had trapped in that tower, I'm gonna guess (using all the scenes of her completing her MANY hobbies) that she has a lot of knowledge of the most random shit. Also, the whole single drop of sunlight thing. I suppose you could also argue Asclepius as her parent, since she did manage to bring Eugene back to life but I'm gonna stick with Apollo.

MERIDA: So, not a godly parent but I'm counting it.. She'd be a Hunter of Artemis. The events of the entire movie are ripples caused by the rock that is Merida's refusal to get married (she's so aromantic, I love her). She'd much preferred to spend her time out in nature, shooting her arrows and doing everything that isn't expected of her as a princess. Again, I think it's pretty easy to place her.

MULAN: Okay, so my first thought was Ares. She's courageous and a brilliant fighter; an inexperienced woman surrounded by assumably-more-experienced men, yet she manages to be better than basically all of them. She's a victor of war. Maybe Mars, since I believe he's basically the more controlled and less brutal version of Ares? (atleast in HOO, anyway). You could also say Athena, she's strategic and seems to easily come up with strong plans mid action (the disguise herself as a man, the avalanche, the men disguise themself as women, the fan, the diy zipline. There's probably more that I've forgot). Maybe there's other obvious options but I'm lazy and sticking with my first thoughts but I'd be happy to hear other ideas.

MOANA: So, Poseidon was the first thought, for obvious reasons. She's got the whole connection with water and a longing to sail the seas that's linked towards her heritage, culture and it's history. Maybe, she's like Frank, a descendant of Poseidon with a family that's always seemed to be connected to the sea god (minus the shapeshifting powers, obviously). You could also link her to Palaemon, who I don't know much about so feel free to correct me, the protector of sailors (I believe he is a sea deity, or atleast thats what I read??). Choosing a greek deity for Moana is low-key hard cause she already has dieties (is that a word??) within her story so I'm gonna leave it at that because why not.

AURORA: So, most people's minds probably jumped to Hypnos immediately 'cause she's.. well.. sleeping beauty. Or maybe even Aphrodite 'cause, again, sleeping beauty. I can't argue against that because those are very valid ideas, though I'm more for daughter of Aphrodite than Hypnos because the whole sleep thing wasn't something she willingly wanted and was actually just tricked into doing. My mind kind of went to Pan- if thats possible- because I distinctly remember a scene with her in the woods, connecting with woodland creatures/wild (I don't know anything about this movie, help).

SNOW WHITE: Okay so I'm gonna say Aphrodite and leave it at that because I remember NOTHING about this movie other than her step-mother or someone wanted her dead for the absolutely treacherous act of being prettier.

ANNA, my beloved: Definitely not the most obvious option, but I want to go with Aphrodite again. She has an obsession with romance, she's desperate to be loved and feel love. She wants the butterflies, the pounding heart, the hand holding and the warm expanding feeling in her chest when she sees her lover. She literally tries to marry a man she just met. I also love this idea because it goes against almost every stereotype of a child of Aphrodite; she's a fighter, fierce and easily capable of defending herself; she isn't weak or helpless. She's one of the few princesses who gets the man whilst still being presented as a total badass. Furthermore, she loves so strongly in non-romantic ways too. She constantly stands at that door, trying to reconnect with a sister who suddenly refuses to talk to her. She SACRIFICES herself for that same sister.

ELSA: Boreas, he's the god of winter and ice. She has ice powers. I can't be bothered trying to think of a less obvious option but feel free to tell me about one that comes to your mind.

ARIEL: Triton. It's literally canon.

BELLE: Minerva is probably a very obvious option, if she can have kids the same way Athena did (can't remember). Belle values books and knowledge, the wisdom that comes with reading. She feels like the type of girl who would love to go to school and Minerva is supposedly the goddess of that. I'd like to be a bit less obvious and probably a lot more wrong (oh well) so I'm gonna also say one of the Muses is a possible option. Wikipedia tells me they were considered goddesses of literature, science and the arts. If I had to pick one I'd pick Erato probably, the muse of love poetry since, if my memory serves me correctly, Belle was reading a romance??

CINDERELLA: Maybe the child of Hestia? That is, if Hestia decided one day to throw away her oath of virginity or found a way to have kids without that. I'm not sure entirely why, it's just a vibe. Maybe favoured by Hera, since a marriage literally saved her from a life of abuse? I don't remember much of this movie, whoops.

I have absolutely no idea for anyone else and I give up so take what you have been given! Thanks to anyone who actually stuck with me and read through all this.

[aroaceleovaldez]

...Has anyone else noticed that everyone defending Will"s characterization in this book. Hasn't actually hit upon any of the things people are upset about? I keep seeing people talking about how he always was portrayed with anxiety and, yeah, we're not contesting that; I'm upset about how he inexplicably won't let Nico shadow travel despite the fact that he shadow travels with Nico all the time, and I'm upset that the book fails to differentiate between constantly trying to "fix" Nico and trying to get him to rest because he was literally going to die that one time.

I honestly did not at all get the feeling from this book that Will was supposed to have an anxiety disorder. As someone with an anxiety disorder. When we're in Will's head it... doesn't feel like an anxiety disorder. Ever. Maybe some normal level anxiety at best? But it literally just feels like dread and apprehension because they're going on a quest to literal superhell. Not an anxiety disorder.

I definitely agree that Will constantly trying to "fix" Nico is incredibly annoying, and is one of my major gripes too, especially since the narrative keeps trying to prove Will right and validate Nico being in the wrong constantly. And yeah I totally agree the mischaracterization of Will fussing over Nico when he's literally one foot in the grave in misinterpreting that to be Will never allowing Nico to use his powers (and conversely, when Nico attempts to do the same thing paint it as Nico being harmful and not knowing what's best for Will, despite Will apparently being entirely in the right for Nico according to the narrative. The book just can't stop infantilizing Nico and making him completely helpless. grrrr.)

The main mischaracterization issue I take with Will is that they made him an asshole. Just an absolute insensitive huge asshole. This isn't even like low-empathy/autistic Will not realizing he's being rude, it's him actively being mean and the narrative never showing repercussions of that, only validating him. Will is a complete and total asshole, particularly to Nico, and the book says he is right about it. Which is HORRIBLE. And this is completely atypical to how we've seen Will in the past! In TLO, Will is serious but empathetic. In most of HoO, he's chill and lax and helpful. In TOA he's both. The only time Will is somewhat rude is in BoO when he's actively trying to keep Nico from keeling over and also this is the first time we see them interact significantly, so we can chalk up this discrepancy to just them trying to find their footing talking to each other. It's absolutely not the kind of dynamic they'd have one year into their relationship (especially not when we literally never see this in TOA). The book also completely retcons the fact that Will actually has an incredibly strong stomach due to being a medic, if not actually finding typically "gross" stuff kind of amusing. The closest acknowledgement we get to that in TSATS is Will liking true crime podcasts, but that honestly just feels like more of a joke poking fun at millennials/gen z kids being really into true crime. At every other point he gets so easily off-put, disgusted, and revolted by absolutely everything. I mean, heck, there's the whole bug house thing - Apollo is literally the god of midges and locusts! That's not a joke, that is a legitimate thing. He's also the father of the god of bees. Give me Will seeing the bug house and going "Oh shit that's epic." We should have gotten Will stumbling through the entire Underworld going "Oh, gross! I love it!" (I've heard others also compare Will's disgust towards the Underworld as feeling coded like someone refusing to respect their partner's culture, which I think is also a very accurate comparison and particularly notable given Nico canonically immigrated to the United States).

Besides the anxiety disorder thing, heck, I asked the PJO discord if anyone could check their ebooks/pdfs and it doesn't seem like the book even references ADHD/dyslexia, which is the literal foundations of the entire series. And throughout the entire book we never get any notes about it, or do Will or Nico ever show any traits of it. The closest we get is Will bounces his leg like one time. They couldn't even get that much right. Not to mention them referencing Nico's eating disorder at the beginning of the book and then immediately forgetting about it and it being implied to be "cured" by the end, and them only remembering Nico's autistic traits when it was to infantilize him, and in general them handling PTSD and depression extremely poorly. Basically the only neurodivergence/mental health topic they touched upon that actually seemed to be done somewhat well was Will have a very overt seasonal affective disorder metaphor/coding. And admittedly, it's kind of hard to fuck that one up with how they coded it.

Literally the only reasons I can think for them characterizing Will as they did in this book are:

a.) They completely mixed him up with Michael Yew, aka basically the only other Apollo kid with a fleshed out personality (and that personality is "asshole") b.) the book was blatantly going for a Percabeth 2 dynamic, and so tried to make Will some awkward fusion between Percy's snark and Annabeth's stubbornness and know-it-all attitudes, resulting in him just being a Huge Jerk c.) Solangelo had too healthy of a dynamic in previous books and to create conflict that would inevitably be overcome within the book they had to completely change Will and Nico's characters to insert it into the story for narrative purposes or d.) they were entirely drawing upon popular "fanon" for solangelo, particularly back from pre-TOA (circa 2014-2016), and because Will in that era was usually characterized as somewhat of an asshole due to his behavior in BoO and everybody was still trying to figure out what to do with him, that interpretation of his character was put into the book.

Whatever the case, it's definitely disappointing and they really didn't succeed in trying to code Will as having an anxiety disorder at all.

[lythea-creation]

Broken Future - Hiba x fem reader

summary: The secret relationship of Hiba and (f/n) is blown on future day, thanks to Shams' revealing film.

warnings: pure angst

word count: 846

Author's note: Feel free to check out my Masterlists and make requests. No reposting please! Reblogging, comments and requests are always appreciated <3 If you like the story/my writing, please don't be shy to say it via comments or asks! It takes you a few seconds and might make my day. It's the best appreciation you can show to a writer you like.

Requested? Yes

------------------------

It had been absolutely stupid to feel safe and unseen. Now everything was gone and it felt like it was my own damn fault.

Today was our future day, a day I had looked forward to since we had started rehearsal.

I was proud to present our performance, especially as my parents had come to watch as well. It was rare for them to show up to things that were important to me. So this was a great deal for me.

But all of that changed when Shams showed her film.

Honestly it was a shock for me to find out about Tasneem's eating disorder. After all I had not known about it, although we had been friends for quite some time now. But that was not the worst part.

There was footage of Hiba and me kissing. Shams had found out about our secret and had just revealed it to everyone without any hesitation.

I did not dare to look at my parents who were luckily not sitting next to me. Instead my hand moved over to Hiba's, holding onto her for support as it felt like I was suffocating.

Hiba was looking just as horrified as I was. The arrogant mask she was usually wearing had slipped off within a second.

“How does Shams know about our secret hideout?”, I whispered.

“I've no idea, but she's dead”, Hiba growled back.

“It won't change anything”, I proposed.

I used the distraction of the film blowing up with Sarah's scene to pull Hiba with me, fleeing to one of the bathrooms.

“Shit! What are we going to do now?”, I panicked. “My parents will force me to change schools and become absolutely controlling.”

I was pacing through the room, freaking out to no end.

The tension in the air was suffocating as we both did not know what to do. After all it was pretty much over. We were helpless.

“I should have broken the camera when I had the chance”, Hiba regretted, moving her hand through her hair. A habit when she was stressed out too much to hide it completely.

“It's too late”, I reminded both of us.

I walked over to Hiba and pulled her into a tight embrace. My shock and anxiety turned over to defeat and sadness as I began to cry.

“I can't lose you”, I whispered. “I'm sorry.”

After a few seconds Hiba reciprocated the hug, holding me so tightly that it felt like nobody would be able to rip me away from her.

Memories of our time together were rushing through my mind. How we were teasing each other when Tasneem and the others were around. How Hiba had found my secret hiding place and we had started to spend time alone there. How we had grown to know each other on a deep level and shared our first kiss.

“You're a thing”, Tasneem stated while entering the bathroom.

“Obviously”, Hiba shot back. “How did you even know we were here?”

“I've known you both for some time”, she pointed out. “(f/n), your parents are searching for you and I'm sure they're not happy. How can I help?”

“I don't think there's any way to help”, I assumed, my body getting heavier by the second.

My arms dropped to my sides as I accepted defeat. Hiba was literally the only thing keeping me standing right now.

“What if we helped you run away?”, Hiba suggested.

“That wouldn't solve anything. Only get you into trouble as well”, I considered.

After a short moment of silence I continued: “It's pointless. There's no hope left. Let's at least use this chance to say goodbye because we won't get it again when my parents find me.”

I looked up at Hiba who was desperately trying to fight her tears and failing.

“I love you”, I uttered and pulled her into a last kiss.

It was just as desperate as the situation and only stopped when the need to breathe forced us to.

Then I reluctantly pulled away from her and turned over to Tasneem. She was even faster to hug me than I was.

“I always suspected you two being together”, she enlightened me. “It's okay. I'd be happy for you if the situation was any different. I'll miss you.”

“I'll miss you, too”, I confessed. “Please, get yourself professional help, Tasneem. I don't want you to keep suffering. You don't need to be perfect. I love you anyway. As a friend of course.”

She chuckled slightly. “Of course.”

I let go of her and took a step toward the door. “I'm gonna go straight to them. I'll at least keep that little sense of control I've left”, I declared.

I took a last look at them both, burning them into my memory before opening the door.

“(f/n), wait!”, Hiba called out. “I love you, too.”

I smiled at her, my heart clenching out of love and grief at the same time.

Then I left.

---------------------

Hey! I know it's kinda short, but it somehow felt right to stop at this point. This Oneshot was so heartbreaking to write! I hope you all like it.

Tag List: @sunwoniie

[bitimdrake]

okay so I know that Jason now is like completely different than he was pre 52. I hate new 52 with all or my heart, but at the same time im a huge fan of how Jason is now

Do you have any thoughts on like the change to his character or like opinions on how it's different now or whether or not you like it?

New 52 Jason sucks and I hate him. He's not a terrible person. He's not a horrible villain. He is something far worse.

He's flawless and boring.

(DISCLAIMER: I'm only going to be talking about post-crisis vs new 52 here. I have not read anything after the new 52 yet. Rebirth/Infinite Frontier Jason may or may not be great. I don't know yet, and I'm not gonna make claims.)

So, without putting words in your mouth here, I think that when a lot of people say they like Jason better post-Flashpoint than pre-Flashpoint, that's not...actually what they mean. They mean they like Jason better as a protagonist and hero than as an antagonist and villain.

That might be for any combination of (a) preferring your faves to be morally supportable and (b) just wanting the narrative to give attention directly to them rather then using them as a tool in the real protagonist's story. And that's fair!

But I care about execution more than concept. I am open to both the concept of antagonist Jason Todd and protagonist Jason Todd. And New 52 Jason is--to his detriment--not just the same Jason Todd now turned antihero.

Post-Crisis Jason was far from a perfect character. He was a supporting character (and usually antagonist) who was tossed between short story-arcs with different writers, and the character's consistency absolutely suffered for it.

Sometimes he was a very sympathetic antivillain doing bad things for understandable reasons that genuinely challenged the protagonists' viewpoints. Sometimes he was an insane villain. These extremes were not stitched together well.

But, dammit, he was interesting. He was defined by trauma. He had strong emotions that were regularly unhelpful or unhealthy. He had principles that often conflicted with those emotions, and he usually let his feelings take precedence. He had complicated, messy, layered relationships and history with characters around him. He was a walking tragedy. You could write ten thousand essays just on his interplay with Bruce.

New 52 Jason Todd, on the other hand, is just fucking boring. He's an adolescent concept of A Cool Guy.

New 52 Jason is the world's most specialest boy. He's the chosen one, and he's good at everything, and he's the best ever. His friends would be helpless without him because he's so cool and he always saves the day. He has no meaningful flaws. He's never allowed to be truly wrong. He's never allowed to mess up in a significant way.

He's an encapsulation of why Mary Sues are bad characters.

I want to be clear here: it's not that Jason has to be tragic and antagonistic to be interesting. I would have loved Post-Crisis Jason to get protagonist focus in a good book. I would have LOVED an arc of him becoming a better and/or healthier person.

But the New 52 didn't just skip that arc--it also stripped out anything interesting or complicated from Jason's character.

The most nuanced and compelling relationships he had (particularly Bruce; also Dick, Barbara, Alfred) are simplified down to nothing. The new relationships he was given (New 52 "Roy" and "Kori", even Tim Not-Drake) only exist so there are other characters around to prop him up.

The flaws and trauma and complicated emotions are gone. He has the mildest aesthetic of a bad boy, pasted onto a Perfect Person.

And the most compelling potential--the conflicts of morality or principle--is missing entirely.

How does New 52 Jason feel about killing? I literally don't know, because none of his stories give a shit about questions of morality. New 52 Jason kills when Lobdell thinks it will look cool and badass, and he refuses to kill when Lobdell thinks that would look noble and heroic--and it's the same for every character around him. He has no principles, because his stories don't think silly things like principles are interesting. He is, again, always right.

I hate him.

tl;dr: Post-Crisis Jason is an example of how a compelling character concept can survive even messy, inconsistent stories. New 52 Jason is an example of how to squander every interesting thing you could have done with a character because a shitty writer decided to adopt him as a self-insert instead.

[sophierequests]

Hii, love your work! This fandom lacks wlw imagines so bad so I'm rlly glad you're here and providing all this content, thank you! I'd like to request dating Zoya headcanons (f!reader) if that's okay! :)

dating headcanons

Navigation┃Main Masterlist┃Request

Pairing: Zoya Nazyalenksy x f!Reader

A/N: I love providing wlw content for y'all, so I happily eat up any request you send me!!! Zoya has my whole heart, I love her sm <333 Thank you sm for requesting this!

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: really really miniscule mention of smutty topics

Before you were dating, she already had a huge crush on you, and frankly, she was pretty shit at hiding it. Everyone in the room could tell how much more attentive she was to you, or how a faint blush would rise to her cheeks whenever you would address her.

Genya liked to tease her about it - often even publicly. Zoya hated it, but she was utterly helpless because she knew that everything that her friend said was true.

You were the first to take the risk and ask her out. She was absolutely floored by the fact that you liked her back, but she happily accepted, so you started dating.

Even though many fear her, she can be the biggest softie when she’s alone with you.

Her favourite types of kisses are kisses along your collarbone or neck. She loves leaving subtle love bites along your body. Not strong enough to be immediately noticeable, but still visible if you take a closer look at it.

She gets jealous pretty quickly, but you don’t mind. You try your best to reassure her that you’re only interested in her, even though you do enjoy joking about it when you realize that she is jealous.

“Z, are you actually jealous?”

“What? No!”

“So you wouldn’t mind if I-”

“Alright, alright, I am.”

It took her a few weeks to actually tell you that she loves you, because it was such a strange feeling for her love to genuinely be requited. You didn’t mind, since she showed her love in other ways.

You both dislike excessive public outings, so most of your dates are spent together in your room, talking and eating dinner, or just enjoying the time you have together.

Her kisses are always passionate and full of love, so as compensation, you love to give her small pecks to express your affection.

You like playing with her hair when she lies next to you. When you accidentally do it in public, she pretends not to notice, but you can tell that she secretly really enjoys it.

She’s not too fond of public displays of affection, since she wants to keep these things rather private. She doesn’t completely hate it, so holding your hand or simple kisses are welcome.

Zoya worries a lot about the fact that she’s going to outlive you by quite a while, but you’re always there to comfort her. It doesn’t always work, because you’re also scared of her having to spend the rest of her life without you, but it doesn’t keep you from telling her that everything’s going to be fine.

“Oh love, we have so much time to spend together still, you shouldn’t have to overthink this already.”

She likes to gift you jewellery that should subtly remind you of her. For your second year anniversary, she gifted you a stunning silver necklace with a lightning bolt pendant.

Even though she would never say it directly, she is in need of validation. You do your best to give her as much validation and reassurance as you can. (One might even say she has a praise kink.)

She’s very reliable and can keep secrets better than everyone. She never misses any meetings and remembers every date you have set.

Her clothes are your clothes. At first, she didn’t like that you were stealing her clothes since it made her daily task of outfit planning quite a lot harder. But once she realized that the clothes she would get back, would also smell like you, she seemed to be a lot less negative towards the idea.

“Y/N, do you have any idea where my black shirt is? Oh, well never mind.”

“Oh, sorry darling, should I take it off?”

“No! You're fin- It’s fine, really! Keep it.”

She is not too fond of her family - for obvious reasons - so she gets pretty emotional when your parents show her some love and parental affection.

Even though she rarely gets sick, when she actually does it’s pure misery. After finally admitting that she might be a little ill, it all goes down from there. She needs constant affection and attention, asking you to stay with her, no matter the time of day.

When you get hurt during a mission, she’s quick to blame herself, but even quicker to hunt down anyone who might’ve been at fault.

She does like to flirt with you - excessively. It doesn’t matter where you are, she always has some sort of flirty remark for you left.

She’s a very attentive lover - in life and in bed. Her main wish is to give you what you want and need, meaning that you have to remind her to let you take care of her once in a while.

You’re the only person she truly feels safe with. You’re the one she tells everything to, knowing that you would never judge her.

She absolutely loves calling you her girlfriend or partner, and can’t wait to call you her wife.

[lisanamazu]

Or old age or something. Or maybe old age And "something".

Today I read a tweet that amuses me in a good way: "Biologically, by 30, people have already given birth to children and died in the teeth of a predator, so after 30, everything in our body starts to fail in unison." Scientific-unscientific is not the point, it just triggered once again to think about what kind of shit has been happening to my mind in recent years.

Procrastination reaches terrifying proportions. I might not be able to just post a show schedule or wash the dishes for WEEKS. The tab/dishes will dangle in front of my eyes, I will sigh heavily looking at them, tell myself "must" and … do nothing about it.

Fine motor skills. Or rather, WRITING. Yes, for me, as a writer, this is a terrible scourge: not just typos, I sometimes write WRONG WORDS. I think it would be more correct not to throw it off on motor skills, since I can typo between Q and L, but on the brain in general and its understanding of what it is doing. Seriously, sometimes I just write WRONG WORDS.

Spontaneous stuttering. Everything is fine with my speech, I never had any problems with it: neither dyslexia, nor dysgraphia (to point 2), but here, it happens, I talk, I talk, and suddenly I CANNOT go through some kind of sound. As a rule, not a sonorant consonant, that is, one of those on which stuttering usually occurs. Well, I can't at all. Moreover, in the same word, there may be the same sound before it, and it is pronounced normally. It only helps to urgently choose a synonym. Jumps out like a jack-in-the box absolutely randomly.

Symptoms of ADHD, which I do not have (not diagnosed, not tested, we will assume that it is not). I'm talking about keeping fucking attention. I used to have some difficulties, yes, but I could complete part B or part C or write 5 pages of text before I needed a distraction. Now I'm starting to feel this need much more often. If you think that now I need to be distracted after each exercise, then hell there. Not even after the written word. I CAN FALL OUT OF THE WORK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIEROGLYPH. LITERALLY.

"reading a scroll but getting a funk hole". I'm having trouble reading. Most notably in Japanese, ゆ and よ, especially after [i] (i.e. ゅ and ょ), don't want to be read correctly. ゆ instead of よ, よ instead of ゆ. や does not join the party, but this couple resists both reading and writing, substituting each other. It also happens with kanji: I see one thing, I read another. And no, this is not about underlearning, this happens precisely with well-known elements of the language (come on, try to give me at least a hint that I just don’t know the や column, take a chance XD). In the native language, it manifests itself less due to the fact that we, as a rule, do not "read" literally, we "shoot" entirely, without reading the characters, that is, it flies directly to the reading / writing mechanism, and not to recognition.

And all this is connected with classes that give me the feeling that I live. I want to do them well. In addition, the counting in my mind also flies into hell, I used to count relatively quickly, but now … in the middle of counting, the thought just stops. Banal division/multiplication by 10 can stop me, can it be worse?…

And it all seems like such a small thing, but it affects areas of my life that are important to me and … makes me feel like a fucking unfit and helpless. I seem to be drowning in this, and in the presence of a rotten desire to scoop out, I just go to the bottom.

[dangerously-human]

I haven't stopped thinking about this for days, so here are some slightly more processed thoughts (distilled from some initial yelling with @doctorbluesmanreturns, thank you for putting up with my Farscape reaction texts) about what the Look at the Princess trilogy says about John's approach to/feelings about fatherhood, with an additional sprinkling of Aeryn character musings because they obviously go together, especially in this context. I love parenthood as a character's driving motivation, whether current or future, and I'm particularly intrigued by John's interest in fatherhood because I haven't really come across that with male characters very often. You get women who are driven by being moms or pursuing motherhood, but with men, usually we only get stories where their motives are influenced by already being a dad, not the pursuit or ideal thereof.

There's A Lot™ going on in these episodes, plotwise but even more so emotionally. Of course we start with our favorite two idiots being massively in love and having no idea what to do with that fact - especially Aeryn, who runs away from what she perceives as a threat - and then they end up on this planet mid-coup, Scorpius shows up to hover ominously, and shit hits the fan. John is furious - at Aeryn, at his circumstances, at himself - he's scared - for obvious reasons, his nemesis is after him, he's edging into unfamiliar territory with Aeryn - he's feeling helpless and trapped on all sides, facing the likelihood that he'll have to give up not only his dreams of returning to Earth, but also everything he likes about the life he's built for himself in the plot twist that's become his reality... And then there's the moment he sees his reluctant betrothed holding a simulation of their future baby, and he melts. At first I thought this appeal to fatherhood came as a surprise, although it certainly suited John's character; but then I reflected more and this really does fit with the way John and Aeryn seem to instinctively fill the parent role on Moya, with their friends and any lonely aliens in need of guidance that they come across, and some of John's more paternal interactions with Chiana (which of course doesn't describe their relationship thoroughly but it is one element of it, which you see especially in 2.03 Taking the Stone). And there's John's little hero speech in his recording to his dad in 1.22 Family Ties: John's concept of heroism revolves around his reputation with his community (naturally, he's a good southern boy) and his hypothetical children. So this is definitely something he's considered by this point, it's something he wants. It's the chance at that part of the future he wanted - the future that's been all but robbed from him now - that softens him in the midst of basically everything in this new version of his life being turned upside down.

Later, it is so striking to me that John's mind is completely made up about leaving the planet - he's found a solution to all his immediate roadblocks and he's processed through what matters to him and what he's willing to fight for - until the second he hears that Katralla is carrying his child. It's not even something he has to think about, he knows he's staying, because that's his baby and whether he had any say in her conception or not, he's a dad now and he's damn well going to be there for his kid when she's born 80 cycles from now. Maybe some of that is the good southern boy upbringing too: you get a girl in trouble, you step up and do the right thing. Responsibility is a reflex. The devastation when he realizes he can't be there - when he hugs the simulation of his daughter and knows that's something he'll never do for real - absolutely killed me. This may not be the future he asked for, but now that it's in motion, he's grieving and just, ouch.

(Sidenote, I keep hoping this will come up again, and given what I've heard about how well Farscape handles the emotional fallout of its storytelling decisions, I'm sure it has to. I'm still in S3 and based on what little I know about what's to come, I can imagine there being some angst when Aeryn's pregnant, especially before they know it's a boy, where John has to sort of process the idea that his technically oldest child isn't going to be his firstborn, and faces the fact all over again that he'll never meet his daughter. I wonder if it would be almost the opposite for Aeryn, in terms of hoping for boy vs. girl, since she's only ever had sons... But she doesn't remember her family from 2.16 The Locket, so never mind, that's a thought for another time.)

Then - okay, in all of this, you've got jealous, hurting, fearful Aeryn. Aeryn, who was raised in a society where sex and children were conceptually fairly divorced from one another, who was an abberation for being wholly wanted - who at this point is still half convinced she dreamed her mother's confession of that fact - almost certainly never pictured herself as a mother. She wouldn't have allowed herself the indulgence even if it's something she would have thought to want. Even now that she's questioning the Peacekeeper ways, she's still so afraid of commitment and all that would mean to embrace the permanency of parenthood. And yet - Aeryn, with all of this turmoil she's processing in her own growth arc, who's still working on the idea of emotions (thank you, single disastrous date partner, for bringing that to her attention), sees John's obvious longing for fatherhood and is like, Oh. Oh. Girl's got some maternal instincts she's been suppressing, or expressing perhaps fumblingly - see Chiana note above, plus Talyn, chiefly - but even with that, I don't think this is something she would describe herself as particularly aiming for. (Although! The Locket sort of indicates otherwise - that at least in a world where she's assured safety, she really does want community and family.) Anyway, she sees John grieving for a future he can't have, a daughter he'll never know, and her reaction says so much about not only her love for him, but also her own character development so far. She's willing to give some ground in whatever tug-of-war they've got going on to give him hope of a family he can actually experience firsthand. She holds out that drug she'd so disparaged earlier in the episode and with the compatibility kiss, she tells him, without words, "I didn't think I wanted this, or could have it if I did, but I do now, with you." In typical sideways Aeryn fashion, she's promising him forever and babies - maybe not today, but there's as much a promise in that kiss as she's capable of making. The vulnerability in that moment - not to mention the call back to the kiss at the start of the trilogy that kicked off this whole adventure, the one she ran away from because it was all getting too real - makes me absolutely feral. Plus, watching Aeryn admit she has feelings is such a delight every time.

(This still isn't everything that's bouncing around my brain on this topic, and I bet I'm going to keep rotating this in my mind as I continue with the series. There is just SO MUCH to say about the characterization on this show and the watershed moments where the plot reveals how much the characters have been developing behind the scenes, and I'm pretty sure my reaction to every episode could be a full essay if I allowed myself the luxury.)

[time-was-over]

(Surface)

4 17 29

(Sunlight Zone)

8 20 24

(Twilight Zone)

4 5 8 27 29 30

(Midnight Zone)

13 15 19 20 21 22 23 29

(Abyss)

1 2 3 12 27

(Trench)

3 7 13 14 18 24 30

Unsure if it was an ask game or not but I'm asking anyways. Answer each question for the character(s) you'd have most fun with their answer for, feel free to skip numbers or add ones if there's any you really want to say that I didn't put :)

*cracks knuckes* let’s go. i’m doing this with the agents because i have a more solid understanding of their personalities than my other splat ocs

surface

4: i’ll answer this one with sigma (agent 4). her species of squid (bobtail squid) is nocturnal but she functions diurnally

17: iota (agent 8) is really good with hardware for electronics (especially computers). if you have a virus he’ll hit your computer with a hammer and it’ll work fine. he’ll explain what he did in excruciating detail if you ask.

29: iota absolutely cries easily. he cries when he drops his ice cream scoop on the ground. he would cry the hardest if he was all alone and didn’t know where anyone was.

sunlight zone

8: epsilon (cap) cannot cook. like. at all. they have a tragic lack of vegetables in their life because of this and orders food from fast food restaurants all of the time.

20: sigma has LOTS of friends. not a lot of deep-bond friends, though. if you asked her, she’d probably say something like “idk man. like at least 12.” she only tends to make surface level friends because she doesn’t really think too hard about friendships. she’s independent.

24: psi (new agent three) HATES talking. like he does sometimes, but he finds it way more interesting when someone else is talking. she is also socially inept.

twilight zone

4: HOH BOY. epsilon isn’t quick to anger, but when they do get pissed, uh. don’t expect to not get decked when they see you. with petty opinions nothing really comes to mind except for like. hating the french jellyfish because he’s an asshole

5: psi has scopophobia. it hates being perceived at all actually

8: sigma has a tattoo of a steelhead on her forearm because her partner is a steelhead that moved to splatsville because it got bored. she looks at it whenever she’s sad. bonus: her partner has a squid tattoo on its right fin

27: epsilon has a shit ton of piercings. they went to a place to get them done once and got their ears pierced. they went back a week later. they got them because an old woman had a lot of body mods and they were like ‘what if i was a cool old person. with piercings’

29: oh my god okay. so epsilon talks really slowly and uses filler words a lot. so they’ll be like ‘and so ummmmmmmmmmmmm. you should uhhhhhhh.’ for the entire conversation. sigma talks really, really fast and really really loudly. she wants to hold your attention for as long as possible. she also breaks eye contact all of the time and will walk in circles when excited or agitated. iota is mute but when he uses sign he’ll accidentally sign words twice. psi will not make eye contact at all and litters his speech with swear words, even when around young children.

30: all of them do. most common to least common:

psi, sigma, epsilon, iota

midnight zone

13: psi defaults to flight. as much as she’d like to pretend she’s tough, her brain automates to running away from difficult situations, which also catalyzes a lot of problems she has.

15: epsilon loves writing. they will write constantly. they keep a little notepad in their pocket with lines of dialogue they come up with suddenly. they have an extensive vocabulary and are pretty eloquent (except for the fact that they go ‘uhhhhhhhjhhhhhh’ every two seconds)

19: so all of them have pretty good vision except for iota, and even then, his vision is moderately bad. he can’t read well on a whiteboard from 20ft away, but honestly, who can?

20: iota just. cries. he worries about everything, but he isn’t completely helpless. he does what he can to stop stressing and goes out of his way to get rid of the stressor.

21: epsilon used to not be able to, but they’ve started to get into poems. they help a lot with relaxing

22: i feel like iota would have splatoon geocities as his only form of social media. he would have an incredibly elaborate theme and 500 blinkies

23: sigma likes cheese puffs or even just cheese. yum. she keeps processed cheese in her locker inside of a cooler so she can eat it in between matches

29: psi would use the dab for The Funny

abyss

1: epsilon steals things from makomart sometimes.

2: if tearing armies apart counts then yes for all of them. they were just kinda like ‘please have respawn machines bro’

3: sigma has a ton of scars because most of what she does is salmon run. she gets bit by chums and cohocks. the few exceptions are from her running into doors.

12: psi did that when he was younger, but he’s trying not to. she still does it in small ways, but nothing major, and she tries to apologize afterwards

27: boring answer, but no. psi probably used to believe in whatever religion is most commonplace but stopped

trench

3: (cw: sigma sees her mom dead) when sigma was 6, her mother died from cardiac arrest. it was jarring. her father was especially heartbroken and became extremely depressed. he began to neglect his kids because of this. the memory that stands out to her is walking into her parents’ room and seeing her mother slumped over in her chair. she thought she was asleep and didn’t say anything until her dad walked into the room and saw her. at first, she blamed herself for that, but she received counseling.

7: epsilon struggles with balancing work and life. they work themself to exhaustion and have no time for hobbies. iota has to make them stay home when they’re sick.

13: sigma is enigmatic. nobody really knows what’s going on with her. it’s not really because she doesn’t let people in, it’s just that nobody really asks. the few people that she’s told everything about herself to are her girlfriend and marie.

14: to psi, love at first sight is a fairy tale concept that doesn’t have any place in real life relationships. in his mind, you can’t really love someone in a romantic way until you really know them and you’re willing to give everything to them. she’s also never had a partner, so take every she says with a grain of salt.

18: iota loves watching pet videos. they make him laugh a lot and it relaxes him. it’s very easy to make him nervous so if he pulls out his phone and starts watching videos, it’s because he got scared.

24: no but i do have a couple non agent ocs who have

30: sigma got her arm bit off by a maws once when she couldn’t get out of the way in time. she walked off of the helicopter and stood in front the mr grizz statue before he said ‘Holy shit.’

[musashi]

the absolute worst part about being sick or in pain is that i want emotional love and support but so few people are interested in learning how to give it to me. im sick of being coddled, im sick of being treated like a helpless child, i'm fucking sick of being given the oh poor baby treatment from anyone other than trusted friends who i can be SURE know my competence. i hate being looked upon as pathetic and pitiful but it's all anyone will ever see me as, no matter how badly i try to make myself fierce and sharp and independent and bold

my manager at work makes comments whenever she sees me taking meds and then acts like a beaten puppy when i tell her she is not allowed to speak to me that way. people i know casually have to be told, over and over and over, that i don't need advice for whatever malady i may be undergoing. even people i genuinely consider friends and want to have deep, understanding relationships with try to baby me, comments here and there about how pitiful i fucking am, oh poor thing im making you soup, like just!!! please. please. im at the point where i've been begging for so long, and now i'm too weak to beg. i repeat myself. over and over i repeat myself. please stop loudly pitying me, if you must pity me, do it where i can't hear it, do it inside your head. god.

its a lethal combination because when i am sick or in THIS much pain i have absolutely no tolerance for foolishness!!!! i do not possess the capability to keep my temper under wraps and i wind up resenting well meaning people or snapping. but i dont know what to do. when im not my best i wish people would be MORE considerate of my feelings, not less.

today i broke down reading the aai manga because of these panels:

like damn this 2-panel gag is what got me! seeing miles re-stating her boundaries toward someone else because he knows she is not taken seriously. identifying with a fictional character who literally has to assault people to get them to listen to her, and even then, they completely ignore her boundaries and insult her/baby her/wave her off anyways. literally dreaming of having even just one friend who will see someone treating me this way and be like 'hey. they don't like that. stop.'

i've been sick for a few days, in and out of clinics getting tests done, and i've been given nothing for the pain, im just rawdogging it. it's so painful, i need the company so bad, but there's no one i can reach out to because every time i try i'm met with the same shit--poor little baby, you can't take care of yourself, let me tell you how to take care of yourself, let me tell you how i would take care of you, because you are weak and helpless and pathetic and clearly don't know.

i'm so lonely and sad. i don't feel like im vague about my boundaries. i don't feel like i'm vague about how i want to be treated. but i'm either ignored entirely or coddled within an inch of my life. everything is so lonely. i'm so so lonely and in so much pain.

[rottingkiss]

( @dollhidden // music starter )

Absolutely EVERYTHING is going to complete and utter SHIT. His robotic performance of welcoming Starlight back onto The Seven after just accusing her a day or so of treason was accepted graciously by the press. His lips curved into a grateful smile as he spoke of her courageous efforts of exposing the REAL villain within their special fold. Yet, the said light of justice did not reach his blue-coloured hues. In fact, they were far more glazed over as the ringing in his head grew LOUDER and louder.

Why does he feel so . . . HELPLESS now that he doesn't have Stormfront to lean on for support, advice, or even comfort?

Homelander shuts down this line of thinking immediately. There's a time and place for self-pity, but it's NOT going to be in front of another living soul. In fact, he lifts his head up to hold on high as the heroes are escorted off the stage and into the backroom where last-minute refreshments were thrown together. The blond blindly grabs for a Queen Maeve-themed water bottle and begins to unscrew the cap. It's when he accidently makes eye-contact with the woman of the hour does he freeze in place. Oh, he REALLY doesn't like the look on her face, either. What is it? Smug? Pitying? Perhaps even indifferent that she can prance around here and call herself a hero again? It takes a very deep breath for him to keep from giving a snide remark. Instead, a wink and a playful grin displays on his face while pointing the drink in the other's direction.

❝I'm Georgia peachy, BELIEVE me. Now that I have one of my FAVOURITE girls back in the family? Why, I'm over the FUCKING moon!❞

[flatteryleadstoruins]

I'm going through ASPD rage hell right now, we're putting this under a cut before it gets absurdly fucking long...

[RANTING ABOUT JTHM TUMBLR BELOW]

I've completely forgiven Johnny for everything that happened during The Incident [see mister-samsa for the uninformed] — but the situation was difficult for for me, much as I'm not keen on talking about the touchy feely emotional component of that. The resentment I would've had for him is now, like, being directed towards all the bystanders of the situation...because it needs somewhere. Blah blah, energy cannot be created or destroyed; them's the breaks.

With Johnny, yeah, he went around lying about me to a fuckload of people, telling some of them I tried to e-rape him — but my read of that situation isn't like...Johnny puppetmastering a bunch of idiots into believing some lie. His version of events made absolutely no sense given the information that was out there at the time [all the screenshots I dumped] — him coming onto me, all our psychotic dysfunctional-ness, etc. I'm sure some of these people didn't see my post, but I know for a FACT some of those faggots did. What does that say? They weren't some helpless little retards who were misled into a falsehood. They were willfully ignorant, and just didn't give a single fuck that somebody they liked might've done something unethical. Jesus Christ, the fucking audacity to talk shit about me in private Discord servers like I'm the fucking devil when you were semi-knowingly enabling someone to not take responsibility for sexual misconduct. I guess being a freak psychopath is only uncool when I do it!

It's just FUCKED how I'm the person getting stupid fucking anons, and having people to catty to me, EVEN NOW! It doesn't matter what I do, people will find some way to fucking villianize me! If I denounce Johnny his people are going to get on my ass, and if I forgive him and clarify the situation...people who were allegedly supportive of me are going to get on my ass! Fuck all of you people! None of you give a fuck about this situation, you just like justifying your petty dislike of people and feeling superior! Even if I got a 7-page apology from everybody who has pissed me off during all this tommorow; it wouldn't make a difference to me! It wouldn't fucking care because it'd mean NOTHING. I'd still want to strangle all of you!

This isn't something I ever wanted to fucking experience again, and it makes me sick. I've had to sit here and relive two of the worst things to ever happen to me, but that's not enough, I have to deal with these fucking lobotomy babies on top of it...in an enviorment I specifically cultivated to get away from this. It's like I can't be safe anywhere. And you know what the funny thing is? Do you know how many asks Johnny has gotten about this? ZERO.

I'm glad about that, because he's dealing with so much right now that Lord knows he doesn't need more on top of it, but like. REALLY? How am I the only one getting crap for this; it's all such gay bullshit. I'm the problem because I said something publically instead of sitting in a corner, and not being a messy inconvenience. FINE. DON'T CARE. BELIEVE WHAT YOU WANT.

Okay...I feel better now.

I'm likely going to start working on a JTHM project soon, hopefully. I'm sharing it on Tumblr, but not out of any interest in interacting with the community one here; it's just for myself. Everything has inspired me to be more messy, and more open online because I just want to be sorrounded by things that are real...this shit's going to get real problematic and personal. Those who get it...you'll get it. If you don't? Oh well. In the meantime I'll probably go back onto mister-samsa to post JTHM thoughts [I'm still gonna use this blog], and be as retarded and mentally ill as possible, just to see how many fake ass followers I can lose.

It's called SPRING CLEANING!

[imissthefire]

well gods damn it all, I'm in part 4 finally and haven't said a word since I started, but hrjskajdks I have so many thots and feelings. under the cut because it's meaningless rambling but if u feel like reading then that's chill

First one being WHERE IS MY BABYGIRL (I know I get him soon but I'm still annoyed that I've had to wait so long and I miss him) second, why the FUCK is pelleas. Like. Just why. Why he? For the first 2/3rds of his presence, I wanted to drop kick his ass to hatari but eventually he went from being a fucking loser (derogatory) to a fucking loser (affectionate) and now... yeah. it's my first playthroygh, I could not save him and was unfortunately very upset by his dumbass sacrificing himself without reading the fine print. And then mommy almedha finding out her dumbass precious son died for naught but also it's fine, he was clinically stupid so it wasn't an unforeseen scenærio. Can't believe iz*ka found The Most Pathetic Little Guy and said "yeah, yeah, he's gonna be the next king" like I know he wanted someone easy to gaslight and manipulate and all that jazz but holy mother of FUCK could he not have found somebody with like even an ounce of confidence or self-preservation 😭 it did work out tho for almedha tho seeing as her aggressive need to mother hen the hell out of a child paired very well with how helpless and less-than-with-it pelly was. If only her son was a genius mage with a hunk of a bf and not a pathetic limp noodle mage with a lowkey cute crush on miccy, but alas, this is my first playthrough therefore those dots will remain unconnected ✊🏼😔 but got damg. Also, insanely silly of kurthy to be all :( I love my sister and dead brother who sacrificed everything for our nephew who is now also dead :((( when he's actually very much alive and well, like, two tents over. Crazy stuff, man, truly.

And damg don't even get me started on how fucking stressful drafting the armies was because I spent over an hour on it and I just got to the 2nd chapper with the elincibarn army and I realise now that I made a Big Mistake because they're so underpowered 😭 I made so many mistakes drafting that but at least I was locked with tibs AND ranran, both of whom have been pretty great so I have hope that between them, elincia and the LBGs (I assume b*stian will join us at some point (I need to complete the LGB(E) gang, it's imperative to our success)) things will be manageable.

Meanwhile, I put too much thought into the silver army or whatever miccy's is called and it was Still Absolute Ass! Slaysala carried along with skrimscram and mordy (and a shit tonne of olivi grass) the majority of the battle. that feathery slut only got hit, like, maybe 5 times? Powerful birdy, fucked up morally but also fucks severely on the battlefield so I'll forgive him and trust him bc he can't really betray us given how almost everyone else has been dwayned (rock) so they can't really buy his treachery. I also think he'd have perchance just enough self-preservation and sense to NOT side with the same ppl trying to kill everyone, thus nullifying the possibility of saving everybody, which includes Kilvans, which is actually quite understandable. It gives a bit of a sov rudolf vibe in that rudy knew that with his little green-haired secret prince with a brand that complicates his life without him realising it for like 17 years who was whisked away at birth/a very young age to live like a peasant voiced (in english) by kyle mccarley (gatekeeper must have one hell of a backstory) that along with his antithesis (anthieseses if you will) would unite zofia and rigel but in order to trigger that unity, he had to lean hard into being a bit fucked up and evil etc etc this isn't what that's about tho, I just am trying to justify why I think naenaesala isn't a completely iredeemable piece of garbage idk idk bottom line, rudolf had to suck but it was for the best of his people and naesala is a dick but does it with his people in mind and I think that's understandable. Doesn't justify or excuse his actions, but it sure gives important perspective to them. But anyway, everyone else in the silver army is lowkey dogshit ahaha I'm Fighting For My Life with these units, man. Snaki has been decent, (her lesbian mums do be pulling through as well) but she's also for some reason got the absolute worst luck with getting hit when enemy hit rate is <20% and either dying or coming damn near close. I know mages are squishy and aren't supposed to get hit but bro, she got hit by a 3% and fucking died when I was nearly through the map 😭

On the flipside, fortunately the gmercs and friends slay absolute penis, ike and soren alone can take like a dozen men at once (in a fight) and come out pretty much unscathed. sor's real good at dodging and having flare AND adept activate almost every second hit, so homeboy's keeping himself going easy peasy. And ike's just out here throwing his giant sword at bitches, also healing, but hella dealing (damage) ugh, power couple and neither get range locked so they can kill every last one of them which is quite nice. I'll send them into the fray and they have their cute little support *klboomph* bonus so they got that avo and other stuff idk I didn't look at it that hard.

I will say tho that the combining of the inventories was an absolute blessing holy shit man, I was fighting for my life between having next to no funds in any of the armies and running out of shit but having extra of what I need for one team on another and vice versa. truly a blessing that I can just hand stuff back and forth, only issue is i can't snag anything if it's with someone in another of the armies but I just keep units I'm not using on a map unarmed and empty-handed otherwise. Works out pretty well if I'm being perfectly candid, friend. Anyway, I'm gonna leave my absurdly long update at that otherwise this would be even longer and worse. Since I know babygirl shows up in ch3 with miccy and the gang, I apologise in advance for the impending thristposting. I'm holding myself back from being horny on main over several ppl but stefan, man, he just *chef's kiss* makes my brain go buckwild.

[whale-minmin]

hii! I really like your yandere enhypen content! Could you maybe do a reaction to when the reader went numb? Like they dont have any emotion left, just numb?

Thank you in advance!!❤️❤️

ENHYPEN reaction to S/O going numb

Genre : yandere, angst

tw : strong language, abuse, toxic relationships, becoming emotionless/numb

Jungwon :

· He hates it. You don’t respond to him, in fact, you don’t do anything- You stare at the wall for hours without a single movement. You look like you’re drained of every single will to live

· He’s been to tens of therapists but none of them could help you

· He tried everything, every single thing to get you back. Nothing could help

· "This is my fault. This is all my goddamn fucking fault and I know it, so for god's sake, come back to me. Please.."

· He won't stop until you're you again, the happy, full of life person he fell in love with

Heeseung :

· He despises it, he feels absolutely terrible

· He knows it's his fault, it's all his fault that you've become like this. Numb and emotionless

· "Y/N, I beg you, hate me, please.. if hating me means you'll go back to being yourself, do it.."

· He won't give up until he sees you happy again. He's ready to try everything if it can make you smile like before

· He doesn't do anything else other than trying to make you happy. It's his fault you're like this and he'll make you happy again

Jay :

· He won't be able to accept it at first, 100% sure it's another one of your fucking stupid jokes

· Or maybe you're acting like this because you want him to go soft on you? Since you're such a brat, everything is possible

· But once he eventually sees you're not joking around, he'll be pissed at himself

· It may be one of the times that he'll actually may turn a little soft on you

· "Shit, I went too rough on you, didn't I? I'll change, so come back to me. I swear to damn god, I'll never hurt you again.."

Jake :

· It hurts him. It hurts him so damn much, especially when he knows it's only because of him

· He'll get you a therapist, friends, he's even ready to risk it all and give you complete freedom

· If it means he can see you happy again, it's worth it

· "I'm sorry. I'm sorry you have met someone as horrible as me.. You could be living an amazing life right now, but you had to met someone so selfish.."

· He won't be able to look you in the eyes anymore, the once happy and lively eyes he loved are now gray and lost of all hope

Sunghoon :

· If only he could reverse it. If only he could turn back time and treat you better

· You would be smiling right now, not laying in bed all day without any signs of life

· He hates himself. He absolutely despises himself for making you like this, but now it's too late

· He'll do everything he can to make you return to normal, even if it takes years

· "I love you.. I love you so much. Why does this hurt so much..?"

Sunoo :

· He can't look at you without wanting to cry his eyes out, it's all his fault

· He's absolutely helpless. He never wanted for you to end up like this

· He'll be by your side all the time, trying to help you, do something, anything

· He's been to so many therapists, but every single one gave up on you

· "Why am I even trying anymore? This is pointless.. everything is pointless. I'm so sorry, Y/N.."

Ni-Ki :

· At first, he'll still try to pretend he doesn't care at all, that it doesn't move him even a bit

· But he'll quickly break, he absolutely hates it, he wants you back

· "I'm weak, I'm so weak, I can't live without you.. please, smile again.."

· He'll show his other side to you, he'll cry, he'll cling to you, he'll expose all of his weak points

· He just wants you to become normal again. He can stop being selfish, he'll do anything

❀❀❀❀❀ a/n ❀❀❀❀❀

Thank you for requesting! I hope you like it <33

❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀

None of the gifs are mine!

Taglist ;

@atiny-chocolate-chip @lmaoskz

[bruhstories]

Choke Me

Summary: Reiner can’t comprehend why you won’t have sex with him. You help him understand Pairing: Reiner Braun x Fem!Reader Warnings & Content: language, dom!Reader, sub!Reiner, oral sex (female receiving), whipping, unprotected sex, tied up Reiner Word Count: 1.7 k

A/N: You know what, I'm thriving off of sub!Reiner.

It absolutely baffled Reiner how someone like Annie was such good friends with someone like... you. He didn't mean it in a bad way, it was just too strange that the two of you were so close, yet complete opposites of each other. Annie was a tomboy, silent and calculating, you were dressed in pink from head to toe, loud and outgoing and just so adorable. And you completely ransacked his heart. Reiner was utterly in love with you, and you knew it. So, when he mustered up the courage to ask you out, it did not come as a surprise. In fact, you too crushed on him, and every time you were at their place, your eyes drifted to him, always, all the time. The two of you clicked instantly as a couple, and Reiner could only wonder how on Earth were you single until him, going so far as to asking Annie about your love life and with widened eyes, she hastily dismissed him. See, the thing was that you, despite your bubbly and juvenile personality, were a sick, sadistic dominatrix, and boys were terrified of that. While you usually donned clothing in pastels, flowy dresses and chiffon blouses, half of your closet was filled with garters, suspender belts, corsets, some in the deepest shades of red, others black, materials varying from lace to latex. Whenever you had a guy over and pulled out whips, riding crops or ball gags, they would disappear from the face of the Earth, never evercalling you back. Annie knew this about you but never judged. To each their own, she would say, not exactly caring about your kinks. But she wouldn't know how Reiner would react to that, and while intrigued to find out, she didn't want you two to break up either. Deep down she cared about all of her friends, despite the aloof attitude.

Three months into your relationship, you still politely declined Reiner's offers to have sex. He was incredibly sweet, treating you like a princess, and in return you were supportive and caring, but fearing that he, too, might run away after learning about your kinks, you kept finding excuses to deny him. At one point he even asked you if you have some sort of STD, genuinely concerned but promising to still be with you no matter what. You promised you were clean, but that only made him more curious as to why you wouldn't have him. 'You're not attracted to me?' or 'Am I doing something wrong?' were his usual questions and your heart broke in thousands of pieces each time you refused him. He seemed like the kind of man who dominated in bed, and while you were inclined to switch it out sometimes, you always, always had to have it your way the first time you fucked a guy.

Eventually Reiner couldn't take it anymore. He called you, begged you to explain yourself to him and you ceased to try and keep him away from the carnal pleasure you both desired. You invited him over, offering to cook dinner and disclose what you had managed to hide for so long. He popped at your door with a bouquet of daffodils, matching the honey-yellow apron tied around your waist, his eyes were needy and woeful, still believing it's his fault that you two haven't had sex yet. He kissed you on the lips, starving for more, but you pulled back, opting to discuss things first.

"So," you began, legs crossed under the table and anxiously swirling spaghetti with your fork, "I... shit, I don't even know how to say it."

"Y/N, whatever it is, I promise it won't change what I feel for you." Reiner caressed your cheek so gently that you felt sorry for dragging him into this.

"I think it's best if I show you." You got up, took hold of his hand and guided him into your bedroom. The chamber perfectly reflected your personality, with garlands and fairy lights hanging from the ceiling, doodles and drawings taped to the walls and stuffed toys bundled up on your baby blue bedsheets. "You better sit down for this, babe."

"Jesus, how bad can it be?"

With a sigh, you swung open the closet door, revealing the strangest of sex toys, erotic lingerie and high heeled footwear. Reiner erupted into laughter, throwing himself on your bed and holding his abdomen.

"Why exactly are you laughing?" Your voice was serious, dangerous almost, your body lacking a reaction.

"You're telling me you didn't wanna have sex because, what? You're into BDSM?"

"I don't think you get it, Reiner. I'm not just into it, I like dominating men." You frowned, taken aback by his attitude. He perked his ears up and sat up, suddenly attentive, his gaze locking with yours.

"Do you want to dominate me?" The blond asked, unsure of what it would feel like, but inquisitive to try.

"If you'll let me, yes." You bit your lip, fingers smoothing the apron.

"Fuck it, if it makes you happy, I'll let you do whatever you want to me." Reiner declared, palms on his knees. "Do I need a safe word?"

"Not tonight, I'll go easy on you." You beamed, eyes glistening with so much joy and he almost regretted his decision.

Almost.

Tied up, naked and helpless, Reiner could only watch how you strutted into the bedroom, latex corset around your waist, tits out, riding crop in hand.

"Shit, you look so-" crack.

The thin object met with his cheek and he groaned in pain, confusion written all over his face.

"You speak when I allow it, understood?" And he nodded desperately. "Good boy. Maybe if you behave, I'll reward you."

It was then when Reiner realised how easily his dick hardened when he submitted. It was then when he realised how much he loved you.

You dragged the crop across his body, goosebumps all over his skin, before you propped one foot on the bed, spreading your legs and exposing your wet cunt to him. You could've sworn you saw his pupils dilating when your fingers barely touched the slick slit.

"You want this, Reiner?"

"Yes!" The man almost cried out, licking his lips. Crack. Another hit, this time over his thigh and he whimpered — the sound was music to your ears.

"Yes what?"

"Yes, please!"

"That's better." You hummed, slightly spreading your folds, foot still on the bed. Your middle finger rubbed around your clit, a quiet moan escaping your lips. "Tell me how much you want it!"

Pulling at his restraints, Reiner sighed. Never has he felt so overpowered, but the pleasure he took from it was slowly seeping in his brain, clouding his judgment.

"I need you, Y/N. I need to feel you so bad, please!"

"You gotta earn it first." Voice aggressive yet seductive, you climbed on top of him, feet at the sides of his head. "Lick it good and I'll reward you. Do a bad job and I'll punish you." And before he could utter a word you were straddling his face. His tongue sloppily licked everything it could, in or around your cunt, and you forcefully grabbed the metallic bedframe with one hand, your other one fondling your soft tits. Your moans echoed in the room as you moved your hips for more friction, your breath hitching, his cock twitching. "Atta boy!" You groaned and slid off of him.

"Did I do well?" Reiner asked, hope glistening in his eyes.

"Very well." You snickered and pressed your lips onto his to taste yourself in a sinful kiss.

"Can I get my reward?" The man asked after you pulled away, a mixture of saliva and slickness at the corners of your mouth.

"Oh, I don't know..." You scrunched your nose.

"Please, Y/N! I've been good, I- I need you around my dick, please!" He begged, not even caring how desperate he sounded and that only made you feel like a goddess. You picked up the riding crop and dragged it up and down his shaft, terror in his eyes.

"I wonder how much it would hurt." You mused, head tilted and mischief in your voice.

"No, no, you said it was good! Please don't punish me-"

"Oh, don't be stupid." You rolled your eyes, climbing back on top of him. "I need that dick as much as you do." And with that, your hand helped push his cock in between your folds, painstakingly slowly taking it all in. "Fuck, you're big."

The sound of skin against skin tickled your brain, your hips moving up and down, your cunt clenching around his throbbing member.

"Please..." Reiner groaned.

"Please what?" You threw your head back, the pressure forming in your core making you moan louder.

"Please choke me!" He asked and you almost stopped moving, taken aback by his request.

"I'm beginning to think you like being dominated, love." You grinned, your fingers lightly squeezing his neck.

"God, you're so tight!" The man bucked his hips, the unexpected thrust earning a whimper out of you. "Harder, choke me harder!"

"Fuck, Reiner!" The grip around his neck tightened and your moves became frantic, animalistic. "You like that? You like the way I fuck you?"

"Mhm!" He eagerly nodded, unable to speak.

"Look at you, so small and pathetic." You panted, feeling your climax close and his cock pulsating. "Oh, are you gonna come? Go on, do it, come for me!" You cried out, legs violently quaking as the sticky hot liquid dripped out of your folds, down his shaft. For a moment neither of you moved. You looked at Reiner through strands of Y/H/C that draped over your face, beads of sweat glistening on your forehead. Your hands extended and you untied the ropes around his wrists, falling next to your boyfriend on the mattress, cum leaking out of your cunt.

"Do you still... love me?" You whispered, your voice shy, completely different to the woman you were five seconds ago.

"Babe, of course! And to be fair, it was so hot submitting to you." Reiner pulled you to his chest, fingers brushing your cheek. "Say, think we can switch it up next time?"

"Nope!" You smiled and rested your forehead on his shoulder.

"Eh, at least I tried." The man shrugged. "In all seriousness, though, don't hide things like these from me. If this is what you like then I respect that, Y/N."

Your heart fluttered in your chest. Most boys ran, but Reiner was a man, and he was clearly going to stay.

"Maaaaybe we can switch next time. But only if you behave!"

"Yes, ma'am!"