#i just really don't wanna go on mood stabilizers

[fuckingsimpthatswho]

One Piece incorrect Quotes

part 2 because they are funny

Sanji: Wait, hold up, why you draw yourself like that? Usopp: Uh, like what? Sanji: Like with gorgeous, muscular legs. Usopp: Uh, this is what I look like. Sanji:

Usopp: THIS IS WHAT I LOOK LIKE! Sanji: Okay, then I want big beefy arms. Hot ones. Zoro: I wanna have a cowboy hat! Usopp: Okay, arms and hat. draws them Luffy: Ooh, give me a cowboy hat too! Usopp: You can't just take Zoro's hat idea, Luffy! He thought it up all by himself like a good person! Come up with your own thing! Luffy: BUT I WANNA LOOK COOL! Nami: Put Luffy on one of those stupid baby tricycles. Luffy: NO!! Usopp: Tricycle, done. draws it Brook, want anything? Nami, making finger guns: Pew pew. Usopp: A blaster?! No, that's not really our style, Brook. Brook, making finger guns: Pew pew. Usopp: You know what, okay. draws it But it's just for holding, not for shooting.

Brook: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the things you lost throughout your life. Franky: It would be nice to have my sense of purpose back… Robin: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this. Zoro: My will to live! I haven't seen this in years. Nami: I knew I lost that potential somewhere. Sanji: Mental stability, my old friend! Brook: Jesus, could you guys lighten up a little?

Franky: From now on we will be using code names. Franky: You can address me as Eagle One. Franky: Chopper is “been there done that”. Franky: Robin is “currently doing that”. Franky: Brook is “it happened once in a dream”. Franky: Nami is “if I had to pick a gal”. Franky: And Usopp is.. Franky: Eagle Two Usopp: Oh thank god.

Luffy, watching Zoro and Sanji from afar: Two Bros, Chillin in a hot tub. Five feet apart because they think they’re not gay, BUT THEY REALLY ARE-

Usopp, gardening: Hey, can you bring me the hoe? Nami: Yeah, sure. A few minutes later Nami: Here you go. Usopp: Nami: Sanji: Why am I here?

Chopper: Why is everyone so obsessed with top or bottom? Honestly, I’d just be excited to have a bunk bed. Usopp: Usopp: I'm gonna tell them. Nami: Don't you dare.

Nami: We’re going to a candy store?! Usopp: No! It’s nighttime, candy stores are closed. Chopper: We’re gonna ROB a candy store?!?! Usopp, sighing: No-

Chopper: How do I ask someone out? Nami: Roses are red, violets are blue, guess what, my bed has room for two. Chopper: No! Usopp: Twinkle twinkle little star, we can do it in a car. Chopper: Stop! Robin: Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream, merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily I can make you scream. Chopper: I feel like the last one is verging dangerously into serial killer territory.

Chopper: Who would you kill out of the four of us, Nami? Nami: Usopp, easily. Usopp, laughing: What the fuck, man. Nami: Well, Sanji would be too easy. They’d probably be into it. Sanji, now standing in the doorway: What the fuck, man!?

Chopper: Today at 7 am, Robin poured a Monster energy drink in their coffee, said "I'm going to die" and drank the whole thing. Nami: I watched Robin brew their coffee with Monster instead of water. Three cups in two hours. I think they ascended into the astral realm. Usopp: The survivability of the human race never fails to amaze me.

Franky: Know why I called you in here? Robin: Because I accidentally sent you a dick pic. Franky: Stops pouring two glasses of wine. Accidentally?

Sanji: Stops making lunch an stand there confused

Franky: What are you in the mood for? Robin: World domination. Franky: That's a bit ambitious. Robin: You are my world. Franky: Aww… Robin: Franky: Robin: Franky: OH.

[lemon-muncher]

Loved your Denji drabble! Could you do one of Denji and reader fucking in public? Like maybe in a alley way and poor denji just can’t be quiet? <3

This made my head mushy just thinking of it🤤 enjoy 😉

You knew your boyfriend was unpredictable at times, especially when he's horny. His mind can't focus on fighting devils and and your cock at once. So he has to deal with one to focus on the other.

Luckily you were teamed up with him, along side Aki and Power. You kept him on a tight leash, even stricter than Aki or Makima's. He was always by your side like a loyal puppy. His hand would eventually find itself wrapped around yours, your fingers interlocking. "Y/N after we find this devil, we should go to your place~ maybe try that expensive jelly Aki has." He'd ramble on while trying to feel you up through your suit.

It was a fairly normal route for the two of you. His sex drive would disturb his attention span and would drag on about how he couldn't wait to get you alone. Today was different. The two of you were by yourselves. So no Aki. No Power. And especially no Makima. Meaning you could indulge on your boyfriend's needs. "Oh! Denji! I wanna show you something really quick!" You pulled your boyfriend into a near by alleyway with enthusiasm.

The stench of rotting garbage and beer filled your nose. "So~ what's up?" Curious about your sudden change in mood, Denji asked from behind you. In one quick movement, you slammed his body into the side of the alleyway. His chest rubbed uncomfortably against the brick and you painfully grinded against his ass. "Damn it, Denji! You just know all~ the ways to get me hot and bothered!" Your angry yet sultry voice only caused the blonde to grind back against you.

With one hand you roughly grab his chin, forcing him to turn his head so you could kiss him. Your tongues danced in each other's mouths, saliva dripping down your chins. With your other hand you pulled down Denji's slacks then roughly kneading the fat of his ass. "Y/N~ please!" His whiny voice echoed in the small alleyway. Your boyfriend was so focused on your kiss that he didn't notice that you had pulled your own cock out from your pants.

In one fast swoop, you entered Denji, fast and rough, the way he liked. His head leaded forward onto the rough bricks of the building, a long groan escaped his lips. This gave you the notice to continue your actions, you pistoned you hips against his at an animalistic speed. Your hands were rough around his waist and hips, surely leaving bruises. "Come on Denji~ I'm giving you what you want, so be a good boy and let me hear you~"

Your blonde haired boyfriend cried into the bricks as he did his best to move his hips to the speed of yours. " 'ts too much! Too much! Gonna cum!~" His moans filled the tiny alleyway, surely those passing by cause hear him. Fortunately for the two of you, Denji was too caught up in the blissful moment to care. "Does my cute puppy wanna cum already? I don't know~ You WERE acting up earlier..." Your doubtful tone caused him to turn his head towards you. His reddened cheeks were covered in tear, his lips partially bruised from biting them in an effort to hold back his moans. "NO! No, I'll be a good boy for you! I-I won't misbehave anymore!~" He pleaded with you, grinding back against you hoping for some form of friction.

You smirked at his trembling form. The way he clawwed at the bricks in front of him for stability or his legs barely keeping him standing. It was addicting to witness. And you didn't want it to end but the truth is you were both still on the job. Plus knowing Makima, she probably knew what you were doing. "You promise~ Fine... Cum Denji, cum~" Your sultry voice hit Denji like a bullet. Before he could comprehend it, he collapsed into your arms as he came onto the dirty walls before him. As his orgasm continued, his ass tightened around you, forcing you to cum inside of him. After a few minutes, you pulled out of him trying not to overstimulate your lover.

"Damn it, Denji... you better keep your promise this time." You huffed as you helped dress your boyfriend knowing he'd break the the promise he made before the end of the day.

I couldn't find any for this specific post but enjoy this shirt one: Link

[moonsofmachinery]

So this isnt a pride req but you still don't have to answer!! But how do you draw so quickly?? I swear you draw like 2-4 times a day? I wanna get on a really good schedule about that so I can keep up with a art blog but idk how to draw fast! How'd you do it?

I hope it helps If I go over my entire process here because I've been wanting to showcase my process for awhile anyways :}

Haha! Yeah, i usually try and draw ~4 things min a day. Now, let me clarify, to run an art blog you don't have to draw fast! I do try and take breaks if I need them!!! But a lot of my speed has to do with the fact I've just been in a very art-inclined mood as of late :} It's a lot easier to draw if you WANT to draw! and knowing people like my stuff is a huge motivator.

Long post below where I explain my process and some of the shortcuts I take!! :]

For more skill-based tips though, my method definitely helps. Drawing lineless and paying attention to my stabilizer helps a lot. I'm definitely not a perfectionist when it comes to my art and I do tend to reuse poses I KNOW im comfortable with if I'm not in the mood to go all out.

I sketch freely with loose stabilizer using a pencil-like pen that allows me to get a good idea of the details I want down... Ex:

I have a very good grasp on the way i draw slugcats and how their bodies are shaped! Depending on the characters you're drawing, you should try drawing them a TON to get to a point where you can sketch them without even looking at a ref of any kind. My designs tend to stay consistent as I have a solid idea of each slugcat in my mind! It helps me pace myself as I generally don't need refs! :}

Next, I blot out my main body shape. I then, using a clip layer, add in lines and line in limbs! Generally I do this all in the same colour, get the main shapes down before you add detail and all that...

I blot out different regions of my character in different colours and section off areas to ensure I can later select these and go over them! Doing lineless helps me a ton as I don't use a lot of layers! it's just the style im more used to :}

Lastly, I add in my colours and adjust places where I can adding in all markings and details and recolouring where I need to! I use the selection wand to help me and I also use clip layers.

The details are relatively easy for me, most of the time its just getting to doodle whatever I want to make the colour combo look the best I can!!! :} The final result of this one will be posted on its own, but I just use CSP tools to add an outline-- I'm not sure if you use Clip Studio Paint, but if you do, you can use the effect feature!

Its just a little thing I add to make my drawing pop against the background!!!! :D

Anddd thats how I pump out art at an inhuman rate! Drawing is one of the few things I can do without my chronic pain kicking my ass so a lot of my day is spent at my computer cozy n' arting! Drawing for too long does cause fatigue in anyone though! I reccomend listening to something engaging in the background (if your attention can take it) and taking regular breaks every ~15-30 minutes.

This piece took me 30 minutes?? maybe a little more! I hope this gave you what you were lookin for :D!!!!! I wish u well in ur art blog n' make sure not to stress urself!!!!!

[dogfags]

for the past couple weeks I have tried multiple times to sort out this kind of. thought cloud I'm stuck in. but I can't properly journal out my feelings bc I can't exactly put words to them. I keep trying to get my feelings out with words and it's impossible. so I resort to trying to organize them in pinterest boards and playlists bc those things are more abstract but still help me think through stuff. but even there I'm sort of at a loss. I guess I am coming up on a sense of self for perhaps the first time in my life? and it is so strange and foreign to me that I'm having a hard time. putting it together. for sure it'll take more time. but holy shit it just feels like I am having all these like. epiphones about myself idk how to spell that word whatever. it feels like I'm getting closer and closer to a sense of self. which I have never ever had in my life before. I have always felt like a weird amalgamation of traumas and I have these identity crises every other month wherein I try to reinvent myself and become someone new. and in so doing I have completely just. erased any kind of sense of identity I could have had bc I'm constantly just changing it so nothing I am ever feels permanent. every trait is just temporary and mutable. but last summer, almost a year ago I was finally diagnosed with bipolar disorder and put on mood stabilizers. and after 3 months I started having these like... come back to earth moments where I'd finally be like wait, this isn't me, this isn't what I want. and I'd change it. and slowly I've been doing that with different parts of myself and my life. and then it all kind of came to a head when my ex cheated on me and we broke up and they were gunna attempt suicide and the gun and the hospital and just all of that SHIT happened and then I very suddenly decided to move out bc I couldn't live like that anymore. and then I started seeing my now bf more and more.. and just like wow. it's crazy how drastically my life has changed in a couple months. I mean in January I was in a shitty relationship I didn't see going anywhere with a loser who treated me like shit. I was living with this person and my old roommate and not doing much of anything for enjoyment except scrolling mindlessly through Instagram reels. I used to go to punk shows all the time and one of my epiphones (literally how do you spell that) was that I didn't actually enjoy going to shows that much and the people there weren't really my crowd and I don't want to drink or smoke or any of that. so I stopped going to shows but I never replaced it with something to do enjoy doing. but now... since I left that house and went no contact with my ex and sort of distanced myself from that whole friend group I have been more capable than ever of like, finding myself and who I am and who I want to be. I moved out completely within a week of deciding to do so for my mental health and even though I'm still working these 65 hour weeks and YES my job sucks and makes me wanna die I am still so much less stressed and I am not in literal agony. I used to be so confused with who I am. I used to struggle so hard to see myself as a human being. I was in a near constant state of dissociation due to the horrible trauma I've been through + my dysphoria + bipolar disorder + shitty relationships. Its like I'm waking up now. I keep having these moments where I pause for a moment in reality and I'm like holy shit I'm HERE like I'm alive and I'm present and i am experiencing this moment in this moment. it's just wild to me. i think this is a real turning point in my life. like fr a brand new chapter. a fresh start to everything. I left so much behind and for a while it left me feeling like an empty husk but now I am just starting to see the new little sprouts of life in myself. I'm not having an identity crisis I'm having an identity rebirth.

[boxwinebaddie]

hi uncle nina! sorry if this is kinda overbearing, but you havent posted anything today so i just wanna check in and make sure youre doing okay! <3

oh my god, sweetheart!!! this is not overbearing AT ALL! this is extremely thoughtful and makes me feel extremely validated. <3

i'm sorry for causing concern, but ty for being concerned about me.

because the school year is coming to a close, things around me at work have been pretty intense, so i've been tossed around like a ragdoll the past week and haven't had much time to write as a result. i also haven't been sleeping very well and rush a lot in the mornings, so i've forgotten to take my mood stabilizer the past couple of days which makes me v sluggish, zombie-ish and unpleasant in general. :/

...when i am like that, as a weird way of sparing you, i suppose, i try not to post on here too much because it feels quite shitty indeed for you to get a notification for my blog just to watch me bitch n moan.

however, i have taken my medication today and feel bad for fumbling kyle week...as we know i'm not really good at holding myself accountable or making deadlines. oddly enough, it's not that i don't want to answer my questions, it's just that other than not being able to really find the time recently, i just can't find the right...words?

( this ask is long and irrelevant, but read if you wish. ilysm. )

or, rather, i don't feel knowledgeable enough the subjects to answer? specifically in the areas of my tsot/tfbw styles and ncuniverses, i feel a little insecure because i don't know sp or the games as well as many other people do, so i'm trying to speed watch episodes/watch speed runs of the games online so i can at least keep some canon intact?

i also am finding that creating and understanding how high fantasy universes work is...difficult? lmao? also because i did crazy stuff with mutations and science and politics in my tfbw ncuniverse, that's also complicated and out of my wheelhouse...tldr: i have big ideas, but i'm not very good at backing them in fact or doing analytical stuff.

but...iiiiii need to, lmao. mental illness, but if i make a universe it has to be fully realized, it has to all make as much sense as possible, echo the canon, enhance it, feel real and be fluid...so if i'm not around too much it's because i'm trying to bolster myself with my sp knowledge ( ik, i'm a fake fan ) and watch/read/research high fantasy concepts and superhero/scientific fiction/dystopian stuff...so if anyone has any recommendations for me to watch or learn from in those realms, i'd appreciate it. again, this is intense...but i care a lot about my craft.

and specifically crafting something worthy of all of you, that makes sense, lives and breathes, reflects the show we love & is interesting.

ANYWAYS!!!! with that said, i got a cool ask about whether or not i have a gunslinger kyle? which? not yet? BUT YOU'RE A GENIUS BABY I AM SOOOOO ON IT!!! please let me cook and watch some things because actually, oh my god, i am very down. i'll update you. i might make a board to gather ideas, omg, omg, it'll be SPICY.

i got an ask about princess kylie, which, bless you, i am also still developing her character, i am going to pour over the books, watch some GOT, do some mapping out, watch some intricate dnd play throughs...and have some answers for you very soon: hang on, baby.

( she's little, bitchy, prissy and does need to be babysat, i'm afraid. )

got some on jersey i'm excited about! sorry for writing that ask meme about the sour skittles like that, again, writing has been trying for me lately and i had a concept that i wanted to share but wasn't sure how to express that. if you guys are alright with getting my asks in the form of notes some times i would appreciate it! anyways, keep your eyes out for some of those...if kyle week runs into next week, sorry.

idk...this is so long. all this to say...i'm really sorry? i haven't been a very solid creator lately, but i'm a little unstable rn. but i am working on it and i hope to be back on the horse by tonight and share my notes at least and show you guys how my brain is working.

in the mean time, please direct as many questions as you would like in the direction of riley, teri and ana who not only are epic writers but have been an epic support system/helping me get back into things.

thank you for caring, thank you for reading...keeping up with this blog and the questions and creating constantly is sometimes challenging, but very rewarding. i promise that i am not neglecting my asks or all of you because i don't care, its actually because i care very much and only want to give you stuff that is awesome and cool and well researched. so, again, just give me a second to get my barings and while it kind of eats at my bad bpd brain i might try and share stuff with you guys that's half baked because the feedback might help.

tldr: i love you, this made no sense, i'm a mess, but i am fine.

miss you and love you. happy kyle week.

-uncle nina

[friedesgreatscythe]

psychiatrist yesterday pointed out that i did something really difficult and incredible by realizing my worth in light of a shitty situation (not getting the promotion), and how hard that would be for others to do. tbh that makes me feel a lot better and more confident/comfortable with my decision to not feel slighted without it, because really, i'd be getting less by doing more in the long run. so, fuck it. won't pick up more hours unless i feel like doing it, not going to bust my ass beyond my pay grade. if they don't wanna hire more people to help lighten the load, then that won't reflect badly on me. i'm just the peon on the floor, not in the office.

also we're going back up on the anxiety med dose a tiny bit, because i tend to forget i've been diagnosed with legit GAD, like. intense bad anxiety lmfao so taking AWAY something to help it is as harmful as going DOWN on a mood stabilizer. or taking off a cast before you're ready to use the limb. just because i have an ativan break glass take as needed emergency pill doesn't mean i won't need consistent non benzo help. at least until things smooth out a little.

so, that's me. going to work 12 to 6, with my little notebook on hand and a playlist of video essays to listen to, and a box full of pretty little liars books to come home to because oh my god i can't wait to read this fucking series. it and everworld are my late summer/early autumn reads because despite the fact my story isn't YA or early grade fiction, these two series are heavy inspo for it lmao

[lilaeleaf]

I love your art so much! Do you have any of your brushes for sale, or any tutorials, especially on colour?

Hi!! Thank you so much! 💕

Honestly, my go-to brushes are all procreate brushes with slight adjustments (like stabilization, etc.) my personal preference is brushes that kind of mimic graphite pencils. The best thing you can do is find a brush that suits you & get very comfortable using it! Specific brushes won’t necessarily improve your work, it’s all about practice! (But yes, a nice brush does help!)

I do have a video on my favourite brushes:

I’ve never really made any tutorials, but I’m happy to try and relay what I know and what I’ve learned so far!

Colours are a big part of illustration! I could probably ramble on for hours, honestly—in any case, it’s always helpful to know fundamentals of colour theory. Once you learn and apply it, it becomes intuitive! I’m gonna stick to RGB colours because CMYK is it’s own thing (printing!)

There’s a handful of basic terms like hue (pure colours), shade (adding black to a colour), tint (adding white to a colour), tone (adding gray to a colour) and also opacity (transparency) that help us understand and define the complexity of colours.

My colour choices are more often than not a gut feeling—but that does come from practice! There’s loads of colour palettes available online like this one, but if you wanna come up with your own, there’s some neat ways to do that using a colour wheel! Colours can broken down into primary, secondary and tertiary colours. We can also categorize them as warm or cold. With this we can make colour schemes!

Some basic schemes!

Complimentary: two colours, opposites on the colour wheel

Analogous: three colours side-by-side

Triadic: three colours that form a triangle, evenly spaced

Monochromatic: using one colour (using different shades)

(Bonus) Monochromatic with accent colour : using one colour as a foundation and having an accent colour (similar to analogous, but one colour is used for a majority of the piece while the accent colour is used sparingly)

It’s also important to keep in mind that values (a colour’s range from dark to light) will look different on different colours. Sometimes, you’ll put two colours together and think “huh, something about this feels off” and it turns out, the colours just happen to be very close in value and melt together. Switching your piece to grayscale just to check on your values every so often can help with contrast and muddiness! A light tone on a darker tone will look brighter than it really is. Colours can also influence each other and trick your eyes.

Environment is also a big part of choosing your colours for a piece. Determining what the setting is important! A sunset will make a drawing warmer, while a scene set in the night will usually have colder tones. Using only local colours (true colours, like green grass or blue sky) vs non-local colours (atmospheric perspective, accent colors that give depth, etc) can help enhance your drawing too. Don't be afraid of artistic interpretation!

Also, there’s always the option to use gradient maps (at least on procreate & photoshop but I’m sure it’s available in csp and other programs) where you draw in grayscale & apply a gradient map. The gradient map basically applies a color to every value (e.g all the shadows become blue and the highlights become orange) it can look really nice (and help out if colours just aren’t working that day yk)

Another thing, when I’m drawing (and this is specific to me!) I tend to start with pretty desaturated colours. Once my illustration is done, I’ll duplicate & merge my layers to do colour edits. Most programs give you the option to play with curves or colour balance—menus that allow you to play around with the hue of the shadows, midtones and highlights. I tend to make my shadows more cyan-blue, my midtones a little warmer and my highlights warmer as well. Of course, this depends on the mood of the piece, whether it’s warm or cold, lighter or darker, etc!

You can always make adjustment layers on top of your work; a low opacity yellow, magenta or blue (or anything your heart desires) overlay to tie all the colours together.

I hope this helps a bit!! Happy to answer more questions to the best of my knowledge :^)

[eshbaal]

A Nice Little Moment

I know I usually just shut up and post drawings, and certainly do not have the follower count for anyone to care to read a wall of text from me, but I just wanna share a little nice moment I had recently, and one I think might be nice for those with patience to read. Things have not been going well for me lately. For a while, really. A lot of things are feeling stressful, frustrating and hopeless, and this last weekend was definitely a moment where I had no reason to be in a good mood. On top of many other stressors that I don't need to go into, my long-struggling laptop - the one computer I own, the device I need to do not only all of my hobbies, but to do the very-rare-not-very-well-paying bits of actual work my otherwise worthless, unemployable ass occasionally manages to scrounge up, finally decided to up and die and refuse to charge normally unless the cable is held at an extremely specific degree, lest it immediately lose all charge in like fifteen minutes. It decided to do this at 2 AM, the very day before I had to go to a Bachelor party that I could barely afford to attend, thanks to my economic situation. A bachelor party I ONLY had the money for, due to being given a small salary recently that, let's be honest, I would have liked to spend on something fun or cool for myself. My lack of financial stability met that I, at the age of 33, had to take my mother up on her offer to pay for a new one - using her inheritance money from my recently deceased grandfather. Not something I am proud of - it feels rather infantilizing to have mommy buy you a new computer, after all, and again - I felt as if that money should be hers to spend on herself. Naturally, as a mother, she says she is happy to do this, and I have little choice but to accept unless I want to pay it off for like eight years, but I am sitting there feeling like a burden. So there I am - sitting up at 3 AM, desperately wriggling a charger cable as I try to panick-backup all my files onto a drive that keeps digging to absolute snail shit pace. I get up in the morning to head off to this Bachelor party that I have to worry about being too poor for if we do just about anything more than planned. The weather is gray and windy, making things not look great for our plans to play various games at a park. Despite me leaving in good time, the ONE train on that entire day that decides to mess up is, naturally, the one I am on - ensuring that I will arrive just a minute later than intended, almost entirely ruining the surprise.

So you can imagine me being very annoyed as I got off at the station - cold, sleep deprived, hair all a mess from the wind, worried about finances and feeling knocked down, constantly internally ranting about how I am nothing but a leech to my own mother, incapable of caring for myself, rejected by a working world that constantly reminds me I have nothing to offer, not even doing well with my creative endeavors online. All of these thoughts are going through my head, while desperately trying to remind myself to be in a good mood after all, because in a moment I will be seeing friends and celebrating all the things that are going well for one of them. Right as I am gritting my teeth, right as I am about to have to push yet another intrusive thought about my own lack of worth in the world away, a kid runs right by me, almost bumping into me. I look at where he is headed, and I see him run straight into the arms of a smiling older lady (a grandmother, I assume). And I not even exaggerating when I say that this was like the stuff you see in movies. Arms outstretched like a plane. Her on one knee. Both smiling. Kid practically leaping into her arms before they both get up, hold hands and walk away. It'd have been hilariously corny if it wasn't so genuinely sweet. That made me smile all to myself for the first time in a solid two or so days. Oh, and the weather cleared up and I had a wonderful time. Not a less expesive time, but a fun and memorable day all the same. Things still generally aren't going great. This little moment definitely won't stave away the things that bring me down for good, and I will likely feel many of the same things again very soon and go right back into the pit. But it was a nice little reminder that on occasion, nice little things do happen. Maybe not to you, right now, maybe none that fix anything, but they do. And they're worth keeping an eye open for, cause they really can make things better, even if just for half a day.

[thedevotionaltour]

i like looking up different things I've been struggling with since starting this medication and going awesome so I'm not just crazy and it hasn't always been this way. see my focus has never been stellar but I've noticed it has in fact gotten more difficult than usual in relation to doing work. I feel kinda relieved seeing other people go yeah it has really greatly helped in mood and emotional stabilization but yeah I've had difficulty with cognition and it sucks. Because I don't wanna go off this or try to switch to anything else really because I do like how it has helped me be able to do things and my emotions don't go as rapid and haywire so fast and easily. But the cognitive side effects suck. I hate losing my words and stumbling when talking and mixing up letter sounds. I hate being able to concentrate even less. It sucks. It makes me feel stupid and it's humiliating and I don't like knowing that I am just not as quick witted and able to speak as easily as I used to. But I don't want to go back to what I was before. I don't want my haywire feelings that get so out of control and change around so fast. I just wish I could have the other stuff back. I wish I could have that back.

[ageless-soul-au]

I think you've mentioned in a few places that Legend has bipolar disorder. What all does that mean for him? /gq

(Sorry if you've already received asks about it, the search function of Tumblr is not very good. Also, sorry if that's an outdated or incorrect term for it, I don't know a whole lot about it in general ^^;)

ur okay, dw!! I (Kio) will put the answer under a cut for anyone who doesn't wanna read about it (but maybe you'll understand some of legend's issues a little more if you do)

cw for personal experiences, medication mention, manic/depressive symptoms, etc

honestly i'm just trying to base legend's bipolar on my having bipolar depression once upon a time. see, bipolar is caused by chemical imbalances, so in modern day you'd take mood stabilizers for it like lithium. legend doesn't have that (or if there's some way to treat it in the zelda universe he doesn't know what it is) so he's just gotta Suffer.

bipolar is characterized by a cycle of manic and depressive episodes. one leads into the other and unmedicated there's basically no escaping it unless your body decides to un-fuck itself magically. which... kinda happened to me so it's not impossible but i never had bipolar disorder straight up i don't think.

everyone presents symptoms differently with different degrees of severity but here's a little thing i pulled off of google that i keep in mind while writing because it's helpful to have something on hand so you don't forget.

so what i experienced had a slow buildup of mania over the course of a week, and it really wasn't that bad, more like i'd talk really fast and was hyper and bubbly. then there was a depressive crash that lasted about a day. this cycle happened pretty consistently.

here are the notes I have on legend tho, since his is more severe and worsened/triggered by trauma and stress:

manic: shaky, struggling to focus, voices/hallucinations, agitated/hostile, racing thoughts, impulsive, can't sleep, talking faster/more than usual, wants to stim more than usual (not always good stimming)

depressive: quiet, tired, low social battery, withdrawn/distant, intrusive thoughts, likely to find a quiet place to cry by himself if he can't ask for help/comfort (he really needs a hug)

so these episodes will happen every so often and ravio is used to dealing with them and helping legend through them, trying to make life easy for him during the week or so that it lasts. but this isn't something that he's wanted to "burden" the chain with so he's been suppressing it and trying to deal with it on his own where he can hide it, and wars has just now realized that this has been a thing legend's been experiencing, and several times he's seen it and not known exactly what it was, just that legend was going through it atm

that's basically it! it's just something he lives with and has to go through. honestly i hope i'm writing it correctly because, like i said, i had a very different experience. but based on what i've read and a few other people i've talked to that have bipolar disorder and adjacent things, this is what i pieced together for legend bc it felt like it fit him.

thank you for reading all this! i encourage you to read up on it online if you wanna know more. everyone experiences it differently!

-Kio

[cl0udpup]

Big sigh

*Still figuring out moving over from Twitter to Tumblr, but for now, I'm just gonna flush out my threads here and see how that goes...*

Anxiety dreams

I had disturbing, surreal, End Of The World, running from cops, moving through portals, being broke and homeless, anxiety dreams all morning. Woke up with my neck stiff and swollen for the second day in a row, exhausted. I took a rapid last night, came out negative, but it's hard to trust testing now with new variants. I have allergy shots in an hour, and I really don’t wanna go, but I’m afraid of what will happen if I miss it. Last time I missed a week, I suffered with extreme hives and asthma symptoms.

...

I did it

I went to the shot. Still feeling like shit. Still testing negative for c19.

I’ve been staying up late the past few nights, so I’m sure that doesn’t help. Winter is really tough on my body (and mind.) The dry air makes my skin swell up, and I get all tense and hot. I couldn't manage to wear a coat outside, even though it's 30 degrees out, because it makes it so much worse once I go inside. They keep the hospital sooo warm.

I need to get a humidifier running in my office, but this room is like 80 sq ft, so I'm concerned about where it will go, it getting knocked over, or the water getting on my computer. I have cords allll over the floor bc I have no idea how to do cord management. But yeah, my sinuses are so incredibly dry and swollen, which is causing this headache I'm sure, and probably the stiff neck.

Adderall

Enough complaining... In more interesting news, today is my first day on Adderall, 10 mg XR. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to feel anything. I was feeling shitty *before* taking it, so all those symptoms above are unrelated. Although, if this causes any similar symptoms, not sure if I'll be able to tell it apart.

I guess one thing I noticed this morning; it was less excruciating waiting the 30 minutes required to stay at the hospital after my allergy shot. Usually I set a timer, check it exasperatingly every few minutes, pacing and sighing, literally feel like I'm being tortured waiting lol. It usually feels like an hour even tho it’s only half. I have no idea if the med could be helping with that restlessness so soon, but. Worth noting I suppose.

Trauma effects everything

I met with the new psychiatrist who prescribed it on Monday. She asked all the typical intake type questions, and went over my initial survey from the ADHD assessment. Again, the ADHD assessment really was not specific to ADHD, other than the awful computer button clicking bullshit test thing they made me do.

We only talked for around 45 minutes, but she gave me her opinion that she thinks I don't have bipolar. She thinks my hypomanic symptoms and mood swings/cycling were caused by trauma. Who’s to say, really. Trauma effects everything.

I have found I don’t always fit the mold for clinical diagnoses for conditions my symptoms point to. I especially don't fit them forever. Resilience has to be taken into account; learning skills, figuring out accommodations, medication, change of life circumstance.

However, I have, and do (based on past episodes) meet the criteria for bipolar 2, whether the assessment is nuanced enough to give a "correct" answer. Of course, diagnoses are more or less a matter of opinion.

I was also diagnosed with "unspecific mood disorder" & put on mood stabilizers (bipolar meds) as a young teen.

Some of my earliest memories are of being totally overwhelmed emotionally. I remember having what I now know of as anxiety in elementary school. I was officially diagnosed with depression and anxiety at age 12.

So what is it?

That's the question I've been searching for the answer for my entire life. Wtf is wrong with me, lol. I know trauma, neurodivergence, and the way those two play off each other must be at the root of everything.

Ultimately, all these sprinkles of symptoms make up an actual person, my actual life experiences, my struggles, my disabilities. I don't think it's simple enough to just slap a diagnosis on me and call it a day.

I know SSNI medication has helped me immensely in taking all the chaotic energy inside myself, and dampening down my viciously strong emotions. Before meds, I felt totally out of control. I felt I had no control over the insanity. My mood swings and sensory overwhelm thrashed me around like I was on a broken rollercoaster, ready to fly off the tracks at any moment.

BPD

Before starting trauma work, I fit the diagnosis for borderline. Leaving an abusive relationship, learning about attachment disorders, and understanding more about being neurodivergent helped me grow into a person who could have healthy relationships, and stop hurting myself.

Graduating from a DBT program when I was 18 helped as well, but looking back, the most helpful part was being part of a community. Sharing 8 hours a week with other traumatized teens, forming bonds, being vulnerable and supporting each other. That's what helped.

We never even talked about trauma as a force of destruction. We mostly learned how to channel our thoughts and behaviors into something less visibly disruptive and damaging.

We weren't validated and told "something awful happened to you, and it wasn't your fault, and it's not your fault that it made you hate yourself so much you want to destroy yourself and everything around you." I think we really needed that. I know I still need to hear that.

Chaos

I'm 30 now, and I still am no where near having all the answers. Finding the ADHD piece of the puzzle definitely puts a lot into perspective, but I don't know if it can account for everything. I do have hopes for medicating it.

My 20's were so chaotic. I had no idea if I would survive to where I am now. That being said, I made a lot of decisions that helped me survive when I needed to, things I said I'd deal with the consequences of later, and, later has finally caught up to me.

I used spending as a coping mechanism. I channeled a lot of my chaotic energy into work over the past decade. Before my body started shutting down on me, I worked alll the time, and made decent money. I bought into the whole credit score thing, got a bunch of credit cards, and maxed them all out. Yes, having a credit history helped me get things I needed, but mental illness put me in this mindset of "I'm probably gonna die soon, so I should just get what will make me happy right now."

Knowing now that I have ADHD, so much of this makes sense. I struggle with things like feeding myself, cleaning, staying on track, completing tasks, all the executive function bullshit. So, I've driven myself into debt buying things I thought could help me "get my life together."

Can't get myself to eat enough to not trigger a mood episode? I'll just order take out or go to the cafe every day. Can't keep the house from being a total mess? I'll buy every cleaning and organizing tool imaginable that might help inspire me to bring necessary order to my surroundings. Same thing for exercising, self care, literally just existing, I always thought if I could "just" find the right solution, all my problems would disappear and I could catch up to my peers who perpetually left me in the dust.

Don't even get me started on the spending sprees I've gone on in response to depression and suicidality. Feel like dying because understimulated? Let's book a trip for me and a companion where I'll pay for everything because I want to be loved. Feel like dying because overstimulation? Let's buy things to self soothe. It's a mess.

And so, life goes on

Now, this year, when I have my head on straight, and am no longer crushed and suffocated by abuse, or distracted by partying, my health took a nose dive. I have hardly been able to work at all this year. I've always been concerned with my ill health, but now more than ever I've been forced to focus on it solely. I'm committed. The only place I go these days is to appointments; three a week: therapy, allergy injections, and acupuncture.

I so desperately want to get my life together, once and for all. I truly hope I'm on the right track. All I can do is trust this is what I'm supposed to do.

[multilingualprincess]

How do you feel about reading the bible?

I literally just got a call from a random number in Maryland from an African sounding woman that I've never heard from before. At first I thought it was a scam because I am always getting scam calls literally every day, but since i'm not at work and I saw the call come through, I decided to answer it. I was going to hang up because English didn't seem to be her first language and she seemed to stumble over her words. I waited until she finished speaking and she asked me a question that I never thought anyone would ever ask me.

"How do you feel about reading the bible?". At this point I had muted her and placed her on speaker even though it's just me in the house, it made it easier for me to hear. She asked me the question and I just didn't know how to answer.

"Hello, how do you feel about reading the bible?"

I'm ashamed to say that I hung up on the older woman, which is rude, i know, but i'm pretty sure it was a scam. Or maybe she's just a missionary trying to do her job. And anywho i must just be a number on a list because how are you calling me from Maryland? I've only been to maryland twice in my whole life so there's no reason for you to have my number, I don't even have any family in Maryland. But that's all besides the point. I'm skirting around the question here just like I avoided her question on the phone.

Truth be told, I don't know how I feel about the bible. I mean, it's this old ass book that people use when its beneficial to them. People who follow this book pick and choose which scriptures apply to which people and when and how it applies. I don't necessarily like the followers of the Bible but I have been going to church recently (a Christian church) just trying to have some stability in my life. Funnily enough, last sunday after Church I went to Barnes & Noble to get a bible. I have a bible app on my phone but there's nothing like having a physical book that you can use at any time and actually touch and feel. Anyway, I was in their Bible section (just 2 bookcases) and I perused the different versions of the bible and tried to find a cute one but I didn't feel anything while I was there. I didn't really wanna spend $20, $30, $40 on a bible and I just wasn't in the mood to spend money anyway so i ended up not getting a bible. I was also thinking about something one of my best friends told me about a month ago. He said "Diya, you can't go out and buy a bible, they have to be gifted to you." Clearly bewildered, I thought he was joking because i'd never heard that before. Then i got to thinking, every bible i've ever had (in total it may be 5 or 6 of them) they've all been gifted to me. So he may have a point there and maybe that's why I didn't buy that bible on sunday and maybe that's why I couldn't answer the lady when she asked me about the bible. I mean, I don't know if she was just spreading the word, or trying to sell me a bible or if it really was a scam and she just wanted me to say something so they could get my voice but I feel bad fo just hanging up on her like that, especially if she was genuine.

To the mysterious Lady from Rockville, Maryland, USA; i'm sorry for not answering your question. The truth is, I don't know how I feel about the bible because I don't know how I feel about Christianity. It's something i've been around my whole life yet I have barely any relationship with it. I'll do some digging around in my own life and maybe I'll come back and update how I really feel about the bible.

[cryptidliker]

I feel like one thing people don't really tell you about going to medication management in conjunction with a therapist is that they're going to prescribe you things and sometimes they will Just Lie about what it is.

Cue flashback to the time I was told I was taking a "mood stabilizer" that was actually an antipsychotic without My Consent to Take An Antipsychotic. Or the time I was taking Prozac without knowing the side effects and it made my hands tremble from like 18 years old to NOW (that's 7 years and counting for only taking a medication for a month or two) to the point that I couldn't draw a straight line for years. And I still can't make paper stars cause my hands suck.

Idk. Do your own research before you take medication prescribed to you. As much as I wanna say I trust medication professionals more than doing extensive research... I Dont Trust Them

[rodr1cks]

Hi! I don't know if your request are open, but I'd like to know if you could write a rodrick x reader where the reader is Rowley's sister and discovers her talking on the phone with a friend saying she's in love with Rodrick and tells Greg and he tells her that Rodrick has been in love with her for a long time and they try to put them together?

cw: none it’s pure fluff

word count: 1.8k

“I know! And he didn’t even apologize!” Greg ranted into the receiver.

“I’m sorry, Greg,” Rowley frowned, sympathetic nature as present as always. “Anyways, mom says dinner is ready, see you tonight?” Rowley’s tone lifted at the end of his sentence, excitement brewing as he thought about the sleepover he was meant to have with Greg later that evening.

You slid into the kitchen on your socks, just as Rowley was concluding his conversation with Greg.

Rowley sat anxiously through dinner, quickly consuming everything on his plate, including the vegetables. You observed him from across the table, cocking your head as your younger brother inhaled his peas like he hadn’t eaten in days.

He took his last bite before exclaiming, “I’m going to pack my stuff for Greg’s!”

Not without clearing his dishes first, of course.

You rolled your eyes at his charisma and headed into the living room. You slumped over on the couch, limbs splayed every which way as you called your friend, Marissa. You had been needing to gush to somebody about your newest crush, Rodrick Heffley.

You had only interacted with the messy haired boy in passing: family dinners, picking up Greg, dropping off Rowley, etc.

“I don’t know what it is, he’s just so- so- captivating. God, Mar, I swear I could watch him play drums for hours on end!”

Unbeknownst to you, Rowley had entered the room and was about to speak. You were too caught up in drooling over Rodrick to notice. “Hey, y/n-” He cut himself off quickly, curiosity getting the best of him.

“And did you see what he was wearing at Matt’s party? Those jeans? And that eyeliner? God I could just tear them-”

Rowley cleared his throat, unwilling to hear the rest. “Y/n can you take me to Greg’s, please?” He stood awkwardly with his lips pursed.

Your head whipped around faster than the speed of light. “Marissa, I gotta go.”

“Rowley, how much of that did you hear?”

He lied, something he wasn’t really good at, “Not much! I promise!”

“Rowley Jefferson you had better keep your mouth shut, or I swear I’ll-”

You stopped yourself, closing your eyes and drawing in a deep breath. “Just get in the car.” You breathed out in a scarily calm tone. Your red headed sibling nodded frantically out of fear and darted to the garage.

Usually, you would make him walk, but ever since your infatuation with Rodrick began, you were more eager to give him rides over there. The mere prospect of getting the slightest glance sending excitement throughout your entire being.

When you pulled up to the Heffley home, you gave him a final glare. “Say nothing.” He gave you the same shaky nod he gave you only moments ago. With that, he was bounding towards the front door. You made sure he got inside safely and drove off.

“Rowley? Everything okay?” Greg asked his friend, concerned with his behavior. Rowley couldn’t handle keeping secrets. His hands grew clammy and a slight sweat broke out on his forehead. Rowley had an uncomfortably fake smile plastered on his face as he tried to assure Greg that everything was just peachy.

All it took was one knowing look from Greg and Rowley broke.

“Alright, fine! I heard my sister talking to her friend about how hot Rodrick is and how she wants to-”

“Okay, okay! I get the picture!”

Greg took a moment to proceed, his brows furrowed as he brought a contemplative fist up to support his chin.

“Lemme get this straight. Your sister likes my brother?”

Rowley nodded slowly.

“Y/n likes Rodrick?”

Rowley nodded again, confirming Greg’s exclamations.

“But y/n is smart a-and hot!”

“Greg! Don’t say that!” Rowley groaned, rolling his head back in disgust. Greg threw both of his hands up in defense, “I’m just stating facts.”

“Wait, I have an idea.” A pit of dread grew in Rowley’s stomach, Greg’s ideas never turned out well.

“What if we set up y/n with Rodrick? Just hear me out, this could be good for him.”

Rowley mulled the idea over in his head, thinking that maybe dating you could make Rodrick more… agreeable? Maybe you could be a good influence on the intimidating teenager. A happier Rodrick would make sleepovers at Greg’s a lot more pleasant.

“I think that could work,” Rowley said apprehensively. “But how do we do it?”

Greg shrugged, “Simple, we just tell Rodrick there’s a really hot Girl interested in him.”

The boys proceeded to draw up a plan.

Phase one: The approach. Greg and Rowley nervously ascended the wooden steps that led to Rodrick’s room. Rodrick was laying on his back, spinning a drumstick between his nimble fingers.

He shot up immediately when he noticed the boys’ presence. “What are your dweebs doing up here?”

Phase two: Delivery. “Calm down Rodrick, we have some information you might wanna know,” Greg reasoned cooly, easing Rodrick’s anger from a roaring ten to a mild six.

Greg nodded over at Rowley, signaling him to start talking.

“W-well,” Rowley stuttered, “I uhm- heard my sister talking about you and she- she likes you and she was talking about your jeans?”

Rodrick blinked in confusion, processing this intel.

“Your sister likes me? Are you sure she meant me?”

“That’s what I said!” Greg exclaimed and Rodrick shot him a terrifying glare, silently telling Greg to can it.

Rodrick was honestly shocked. He always observed you from afar, deciding himself that a chick as cool as you would never go for him. This news was absolutely world shattering for the boy, he completely admired you.

Phase three: Action. “We have a plan.” Greg said, a conniving grin creeping onto his face. “Rowley calls y/n, tells her that he’s feeling sick and blames it on Mom’s pot roast or something. Then when she rushes over all worried, you greet her at the door. And then you work your Rodrick magic!” Greg smiled, abundant pride for his plan evident in his stature.

“It’s a go.” Rodrick declared, scrambling around his room to put on deodorant, a new t-shirt, and cologne before pointing at Rowley. “Make the call.”

“Hey, y/n,” Rowley groaned into the phone, sounding as sick as he possibly could. “I- I think I ate something bad and I really need you ro come get me.”

You sighed, telling him you’d be there in ten minutes and to have his things ready to go. You departed for the Heffley house for the second time that night.

When Rowley didn’t come out to your car, you trudged up to the red door to go retrieve the sickly boy.

You gave the door three lazy knocks, expecting Rowley’s face to be the one behind it when it swung open. “Hey kid, are you feeling okay?” You asked, not yet making eye contact with the figure leering in the doorframe.

Your eyes widened as you came to realize who it was.

“Funny seeing you here,” Rodrick drawled out, a smirk tugging at his lips. Your cheeks burned with the heat of one thousand suns, you were not expecting this tonight.

“Y-yeah,” you smiled awkwardly, staring at your feet. “Rowley called, he uhm, he’s not feeling well. So if you could just get him for me I can leave. Immediately.” You cursed yourself for your blubbering idiocy as you twiddled your fingers.

“Actually, Rowley is feeling much, much better.” Suspicion grew as you studied Rodrick’s devious expression. “What’s going on?” You asked, genuinely puzzled as nothing was making any sense.

“I don’t know, y/n. Why don’t you come in and tell me?” Rodrick was surprisingly smooth in this situation, despite his nerves being at an all time high.

“Rowley is just up here,” Rodrick said while guiding you up the stairs to his room. In the meantime, Greg and Rowley peered out from the hallway, watching you follow Rodrick upstairs and giggling to themselves.

The overhead lights in Rodrick’s room were turned on, the glow from his string lights illuminating the area instead. “Mood lighting,” as he had called it. Rodrick had already instructed the boys to stay far away once you had arrived.

You were still lost, Rowley nowhere in sight. “So? Where is he?” You asked expectantly.

“Here’s the thing y/n. You know Rowley can’t keep secrets, right? I mean you have to know that, he is your brother”

Shit.

“That little shit stain! I’ll get him, I swear to god!” You turned to bound down the stairs, ready to tear the entire house apart in hunting for him. Rodrick grabbed your wrist before your foot could even reach the first step.

“Y/n, relax, relax!” His grip on your flesh made your breath hitch and stomach churn. “It’s okay, I feel the same way.” Rodrick’s cocky facade dissipated into nothing as he revealed his feelings.

You got a glimpse of a more vulnerable side of Rodrick that you were sure he didn’t typically share. “But girls like you don’t usually like stupid guys like me,” Rodrick was staring at the ground now, grasp on your arm softening.

You were too unsure of your words so you opted to move your free hand to hold his bicep, closing a considerable amount of distance between the two of you in the process.

“Rodrick, I’ve never liked anybody as much as I like you. And I don’t mean that in a weird or creepy way it’s just that-”

Now it was time for Rodrick’s own addition to the plan. Phase four: The kiss.

Your rambling was cut short by a pair of warm lips pressing against your own. He kissed you with just enough force to cause you to stumble back a bit, causing you to brace yourself against his torso.

He carded a gentle hand through your hair and tugged back on your soft locks. You moaned at the vibrations tendrilling at your scalp and kissed him with even more ferocity.

Somehow, you ended up on his bed, straddling him. The blankets strewn across his mattress melded against your knees and the fronts of your calves as you stabilized yourself on his lap.

He placed apprehensive hands on your hip bones, unsure of what was okay and what wasn’t. You placed your hand on top of his larger one, assuring him that you were comfortable. You even allowed a small whimper to leave your throat as he tightened his hold on you.

You only pulled away to catch your breath, looking into his eyes for the first time that night. You smiled warmly at him as you cupped his cheek. Suddenly, Rodrick’s signature smirk returned to his face.

“Now tell me what you were saying about my jeans.”

[kazuwhora]

GLOOMY DAYS — TOKYOREV

ft. mikey, draken, chifuyu, mitsuya, kazutora, && baji

cw: implied mental health struggles and angst, but also fluffy, not proofread, depression, anxiety, mental illness

summary: sometimes life just sucks. this is how the tokyo revengers boys will help you deal with your gloomy days <3

an: im just out here trying to distract myself from the reality of chapter 222 :(

mikey

- mikey has a hard time reading your emotions and will often find himself stuck on words, feeling slightly guilty that he may have been too insensitive or too oblivious to your shift in mood and behaviour.

- lets be honest, he's not all that emotionally mature. emotions, especially struggles with emotions, are not his strong suit, but seeing you suffering to just get through the day throws him off much more than he ever expected it to.

- for someone that puts on a persona based around being aloof, for you mikey finds himself highly susceptible to your shifting stability, especially considering he's the one to typically lean on you for support.

- but he'll try his best, he really will. not knowing what else to do (considering words is out of the question), mikey is the type to just try and make you comfortable. he'll go out of his way to make you tea when you wake up, he'll fold the laundry for you (albeit horribly, and you'll have to redo it later anyways), and he'll try his best to keep your shared space as tidy and stable as possible. you might even feel like he's walking on eggshells at times.

- mikey will notice you struggling to do much beyond move from the bed to the couch, and this is when he feels the most useful. once it starts getting more downhill, he'll feel this weird sense of responsibility that he's never really felt before to get you out and distracted.

- distraction. that must be his thing. he'll think, tossing his helmet in your lap where you nested on the couch. "I wanna go for a ride" mikey will whine, in the slightest tone of annoyance and demand. he wont take no for an answer, even when you huff and tell him you don't really feel like going out on his bike. "But babe :(" cue the pouty face, arms crossed at his chest and he might even do a little stomp for dramatic effect. how could you deny that?

- he'll take you down along the water at sunset, he'll try to tap into his childlike ways and make you stop at food trucks lining the streets and beg you to get a snack with him, he'll do all of this in an odd attempt at trying to bring out your nurturing side, desperately trying to re-ignite your usually sweet self. it might just work if he tries hard enough.

draken

- unlike mikey, draken is actually pretty good at knowing how to handle and take care of you when you're feeling down. he wont ever say it, but he notices the way your steps get slower, plans begin to thin out, and your eyes get tired when the rainy season begins. day in and day out of darkness, clouded by a thick fog and heavy rain that weighs on your shoulders more than it should.

- draken hates seeing you like this. he can't explain it but it makes him mad?? he's irritated that something so measly as the weather can shift your mood so drastically, but he's able to put that aside to deal with the real issue at hand: how to help.

- he's a man of service and dedication, so he'll start with putting your favourite blanket of his in the dryer to warm it up, bringing it to where you're sitting and wrapping it around you like a giant warm hug. he'll leave his arms there, draped around your shoulders, chin resting in the crook of your neck. he doesn't even have to say anything. the presence of his embrace is enough, protective, loving, and warm.

- when he notices this only works for a moment, he'll find himself slightly frustrated. but it wont stop him. he's stubborn, and determined to somehow make your days a little brighter. "d'you wanna come to work with me?" he'll ask, not really sure how that helps but it's the only thing he could think of. "you could be my assistant? I could use someone pretty like you to help me out for the day"

- you'll notice he's much more talkative when you're like this. not that he isn't talkative normally, but he's clearly trying a lot harder. he would never just ask you to hang out with him at work, it's uncharacteristic of him. yet here he is, stretched out on the couch with your legs on top of his, asking you to join him at work. the effort he's putting in is almost enough for you to break.

- "I'm good" you'll reply, and he'll finally let out an audible groan. "please let me help you-- I just want you to feel better" to which you'll let out a soft chuckle, one that brings the slightest of twinkles to his eyes because NOW he's done something. and that's enough for him to keep trying.

chifuyu

- sweet chifuyu is no stranger to your struggles. he prides himself on being an empath after all, and is anything but disrupted by the struggles you're going through, and honestly he's the best person to turn to in these times of need.

- its my personal belief that chifuyu is an excellent piano player. he'll get you all cuddled up in his clothes, make you a cup of tea, and just let you listen to him play. his favourite is chopin's nocturne, so expect to hear it quite frequently. he might even take requests if you ask nicely.

- don't worry about chores when chifuyu is there to take care of you. he's already taken care of it. the dishes, the laundry, anything that might add another stress to your shoulders has already been dealt with by him. as much as he hates seeing you this way, he loves seeing the anxiety drain from your face when he tells you not to worry because he's taken care of it all.

- you two definitely have a cat, and he definitely encourages lots of cuddles. he'll bring it from whatever room it was sleeping in, and place it in your lap where your soft strokes will elicit the gentle hum of a purr, coaxing your mind and topped off by the soothing pressure of chifuyu's lips resting on the top of your head.

- chifuyu will also be the type to run you a bath, every single night. he'll make sure it's the perfect temperature, he'll light candles, he'll bring you a glass of wine, and drop the sweetest of bath bombs in the water and leave you be. that is unless of course you request him to stay with you. in which case he's happy to both join you in the water, or sit by your side. after a couple episodes of this depression he's invested in a mini projector for his phone where he'll broadcast your favourite comfort shows on the wall while you rest in the warmth of the water.

- he really just loves you so much and makes it his entire life goal to get you through these times.

kazutora

- kazutora is like a less emotionally aware version of chifuyu in these situations. he wants so desperately to help, but he's never really been aware of the emotions you're faced with because his coping mechanisms have always been violent and toxic to those around him. but in a way, experiencing your lows alongside you has taught him a lot about his own emotions, and how to empathize with others in their struggles.

- he'll try exponentially hard to make you happy. at first it will be too much- far too overwhelming for you to process. it can only be described as something along the lines of love bombing. he's not energetic, per se, but he's just intense. desperate to renew the dwindling light inside of you because if that goes out, what does he have left? in a way, a lot of his emotional stability comes from you, so when you're down he's left lost and starving for a solution.

- he learns with time though, just how to make you feel better, and he feels like kicking himself for not realizing how simple it was sooner. all you need, is his love and care. it's a hard thought for him to process, because kazutora has a hard time believing that he could ever be truly loved, or love someone else the way they want to be loved. but he can see it in the way you soften beneath his touch when he cozies up beside you on the couch, nestling his head into your neck and moving your arms to reach around his torso in a one-sided hug. you'll smile down softly at him, almost pitying him for being so touch starved. who was the depressed one again? oh right. not him.

- he has to remind himself of this often, and when he did he would perk up, eyes bright, suggestions picking at his brain. "do you wanna watch a movie? you can pick! I promise I wont complain!" even though secretly he might to himself, especially if you pick something he isn't particularly interested in. but just the pure nature of his attempts to lift your mood is enough to make you giggle, knowing just what will happen if you don't pick something you both like.

- you'll settle on howls moving castle, one of his favourites and yours too. the relief in his face at the decision of what to watch will again, elicit a giggle to fall from your lips. in turn, kazutoras eyes will once again light up in satisfaction, eyebrow raised as he'll cock his head to stare at you in surprise. "am I making you laugh?" he'll tease, already knowing the answer and you'll respond with a gentle shove. he'll secretly pat himself on the back for this accomplishment, excited at the progress he's made thus far.

- "I love you baby" he'll coo. "love you too kaz", said with an eye roll and the hint of a smile. "say I love you! not love you! don't you love me??" you just might have a soft spot for a pouting kazu, and he just might know it too.

baji

- at first baji is defensive and a little intense about the dramatic shift he's noticed in your demeanour. usually you can match his energy quite well, but now, something feels off and the only explanation he has for it is either he did something to you, or someone else did. baji did not like either of those options.

- it takes many conversations to convince baji that nothing in particular is wrong, things are just hard. he doesn't get it, so he'll go to chifuyu for advice who will smack him upside the head and tell him he's dumb and that he just needs to be there for you.

- of course, that answer isn't good enough for baji. instead, he'll make it his own personal goal to get you out of this funk one way or another, and it will become somewhat of a competition with himself in his head. no way will he lose. nope.

- it can be overwhelming, and he'll constantly report both his accomplishments and his losses to chifuyu, who can do nothing but shake his head at baji. he'll offer his advice, but it will fall on deaf ears. baji is going to do this the way baji wants to.

- you might need to be serious with him a couple times, especially when he's trying to push you out of the house to do things he wants you to do in a desperate attempt to help. but as much as it exhausts you, you know he just wants to help so you really can't blame him. eventually he'll start to understand when he notices certain activities burn you out a little more than others, and he'll keep mental notes (which end up being texted to chifuyu as a record of success) when he accomplishes anything that resembles you acting like your normal self.

- baji isn't a cook. but he's happy to order your favourite food every night and share it with you. its a win for you, and a win for him. he'll eagerness to please you in this state makes you chuckle, but don't let baji see it because he'll jot it down to send to chifuyu as proof that his plan is working.

- honestly baji is just going to be the one to distract you from everything with excitement. lots of tackle hugs, lots of pinning you down with kisses, lots of late night walks in the park, pinkies intertwined and swinging through the cool seabreeze air. once you're beginning to return to some sense of normalcy, baji will do anything to prevent it from ever happening again, even if he knows it's out of his control.

- "I'll do anything for you babe. you know that right? I love you so much I hate it!"

[moonctzeny]

Can I request WayV reaction to you suddenly avoiding skinship/intimacy because you don't feel attractive anymore after they rejected you once? (they were tired or just not in the mood at that time)

WayV reaction - you avoid intimacy out of insecurity after they rejected your skinship

warnings: WinWin's gets a tiny bit suggestive, alcohol consumption

▪️Kun

He looked so good when he cooked. You couldn’t stop your eyes from following the veins on his arms as he cut the various vegetables in the smallest of pieces. Your fingers ached to run across their length so you let them, stroking the little hairs in the opposite direction from their growth in the meantime.

“Y/n, not now”, he whines with a strictness in his voice that has you withering away from him.

You stayed quiet for the rest of the cooking, watching Kun in silence until he finally put the dish in the oven to cook. He walks over to your seat on the countertop, fitting himself between your legs. His hands find their place on each of your shoulders, making their way down to your elbows lovingly, yet you go rigid at the feeling and back away from his touch.

“Y/n, are you okay?”

“Do I annoy you sometimes?”

Kun’s eyebrows shoot up at your question, dropping his hands immediately to wrap them around your wrists instead.

“Never. What makes you think that?”

“You seemed pretty annoyed at me when you were cooking earlier”

His face stays frozen for a second, trying to figure out what exactly you were talking about. You’re taken aback when he starts to laugh light-heartedly, planting a kiss on your pouty lips.

“I didn’t tell you to stop because I didn’t like you touching me, baby. I needed you to stop because I liked it too much”

▪️Ten

You avoided his kisses like the plague. He wasn’t sure what had gotten into you, usually your nights visiting his dorm consisted of the both of you cuddling each other to death, napping in sheets that smelled of him and inviting the cats that snuggled between you. However now, the more he tried to approach you, the more you scooted away from him, and your excuses were starting to run out.

“Are you avoiding me or something?”

You shake your head negatively, avoiding eye contact so that he doesn’t see through you. But Ten is intuitive, especially when it comes to you, so he repeats the question again until he gets a sigh as an answer.

“You told me off pretty badly when I tried to kiss you an hour ago you know…”

“When I was drawing? You pushed my hand on accident and I missed like, half of my work!”

When he sees you continuing to be visibly upset at him, despite his light and teasing tone, he lifts your hand from your lap to his lips, kissing your wrist, then your palm, then your ring finger.

“I’m sorry if I said something I shouldn’t”, he leans over to peck your lips mid-sentence, and his voice is too soothing for you to resist him, “You know how much I love to kiss you.”

As if to prove his point he brings you closer again, and he smiles into the kiss when he feels you deepening it.

“I could taste your lips forever”

▪️WinWin

▪️WinWin

Your boyfriend was never big on skinship and you knew. You understood his paranoia of holding hands in public, even with sunglasses and a big mask covering half of his handsome face. Being a celebrity isn’t easy and you had come to terms with that, but you didn’t know he would react so coldly to you in this private party with his members being the only ones invited.

You were a little tipsy, holding on to Sicheng’s arm for stability, and admittedly you just wanted a little love from your boyfriend. Pulling his hair out of his eyes, you pucker your lips at him, waiting for a kiss that never came.

“What is up with you today? You’re all over me!”

The drive home was quiet, your whole body facing away from him, eyes staring outside the window or anywhere else but him. You weren’t angry, just sad if anything else, and Sicheng felt he had enough when you started to storm off to your shared bedroom without him. A hand on your wrist stops you abruptly.

“Why are you like this? You’ve been quiet ever since we left the party”

“Do you not find me attractive anymore?”

The filter between your brain and mouth had vanished from the alcohol, shocking Sicheng with your candor.

“What on earth makes you think that?”

“You never kiss me in front of your friends. It’s like you're embarrassed of being seen with me…”

Your boyfriend’s eyebrows furrow, almost meeting on the base of his forehead before he pushes you up against the entrance door. The kiss he initiates is full of passion and something animalistic that you’ve always thought looks good on him. It isn't long before the hands that you so desperately needed on your body before formed bruises on the skin over your hipbones.

“The reason why I don’t kiss you in public is because I won’t be able to stop, not when you always look so pretty. And then I will make you look needy and breathless and messy, just like you do right now. I don’t want anyone else to see you like this. You’re too damn beautiful. You’re mine.”

▪️Lucas

Skinship and Lucas were synonyms when it came to your relationship. He loved getting to touch you at all times, whether it was a big, suffocating hug or just his large hands on the small of your back. You were barely awake when your boyfriend came back to your apartment, his busy schedule with SuperM keeping his side of the bed colder than you’d like. He didn’t even bother to wash up, just took his clothes off and covered himself up with your shared duvet and his chest facing your own. Satisfied with his mere presence, you scoot over, and lay one arm over his waist, bringing yourself closer. It was a shock to you when he turned to the other side, unwrapping your arm in the process and letting it fall in the space between you.

You decided not to address the incident that left a sting to your heart the next morning, spending the whole day with Lucas since it was rare for him to be free of any schedules. It was absolutely lovely, from the movie you watched to the homemade food you prepared for the both of you. Until the sun set again.

“Are you going back to your dorm now?”, you ask him while doing the dishes, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible.

“Why would I do that?”

“I don’t know, maybe you prefer sleeping in your own bed. Alone.”

Your back is facing him but you can sense the pout forming on his handsome features. You feel his body heat as he comes closer to you and wraps his arms around you, only for you to squirm away from his hold and pat your hands dry, leaving the sink.

“What’s wrong?”, Lucas asks quietly, his eyes doubling in size.

“It’s just that last night when I tried to cuddle you to sleep you avoided me… It’s okay if you don’t want to crash here you know-”

“Babe, babe”, he starts, taking your hands in his, “I was dirty and sweaty last night. I didn’t have the energy to shower and I felt gross. I would never reject a night with you”

“Really?”

“Really. Now how about we go to bed and I give you those cuddles that I owe you?”

▪️Xiaojun

It was rare to see Xiaojun be so frustrated with anything. He’d been sitting on that same spot of the bed for hours now, guitar propped up on his lap and a blank sheet of paper in front of him. You tried to relieve his stress anyway you could, massaging his shoulders, kissing his cheek every time he sighed. And while your boyfriend accepted them at first, soon you saw him bend away from your acts of affection, so much so that you were worried about whether you have angered him.

An icky feeling weighed you down when he kept ignoring you as time went by, realizing that today was not the day you’d get the quality time you craved from your boyfriend. Quiet so as not to bother him, you start to collect your things and pack them back into your bag, the sound of the zipper finally catching Xiaojun’s attention.

“Where are you going?”

“You seem busy. I’ll come by another day”

“No no no!”, he exclaims, swiftly pulling his guitar aside, “I was looking forward to seeing you”

“Well you don’t seem to want any love from me right now. We can reschedule our date night for another time”

You didn’t expect him to jump up on his feet so quickly, neither to pull you into a hug as tight. His words come out muffled from your hair that is covering his mouth as he kisses it.

“Don’t leave, please. I’m sorry I was ignoring you”

“No, I’m sorry if I overstepped your personal space”

You soothe out the wrinkles that have formed between his pretty eyebrows with your thumb, taking a moment to appreciate his warm smile before he brings you into a long kiss.

“I’m stuck on this song that I’m writing. Maybe I just need inspiration”

▪️Hendery

“Why are you looking in the mirror so much?”

In the span of the last hour you managed to feel insecure over your hair, your skin, your choice of clothing. You thought you were being subtle when checking out yourself, the reflection only making you wanna shrink even more with every quick glance.

“Do you still find me as attractive as you did when we first met? Like do you ever get butterflies on your stomach anymore?”

“Why are you asking me this all of a sudden?”

You sigh, rubbing your face in embarrassment. Being content in yourself was a challenge on its own, even more so when your boyfriend looked like that.

“When we first started dating we were all over each other. I wouldn’t even make it past your bedroom door before you kissed me everywhere. Ten called us disgusting all the time.”

“And?”

“And now it’s been an hour since I came here and you haven’t even touched me...”

Hendery sighs, and runs his fingers through his hair defeatedly. With a soft hand motion he encourages you to come lie next to him on his bed, cupping your face before leaving a kiss on your lips.

“When we first started dating I couldn’t believe you were mine. I had this urgency in me like I had to taste as much of you as I could. Like you would slip away from my fingers, but-”

“But?”

Hendery takes your hand in his, and starts a trail of shiver-inducing kisses from your wrist up to your shoulder, so slow that you thought he’d never finish his sentence.

“But I realized that it wasn’t fair to you. I want to love you like we have a lifetime ahead, not like our time is running out. I want to love you like you deserve, and I want to take my time”

▪️Yangyang

He was playing that damn video game again. Yangyang always looked so cute when he was concentrating so heavily, lips pursed in a pout and eyes following the different players on the screen. Desperate to feel the softness of his hoodie and comfort on his embrace you come closer to him, attempting to sit on his lap.

“He’s behind you! Shoot! Shoot!” You jump up from your seat along with him, wrapping your hands around his neck to keep your balance. “Babe not now! You made me miss the screen!”

Hurt by his sharp tone and volume of his voice you start to get up, hating the burning feeling of the fresh tears that begged to escape the corners of your eyes.

Yangyang’s grip on your elbow stops you before you leave his lap, a worried look painted on his face.

“What’s wrong? Are you crying?”

“You know sometimes you get so into your games that you yell at me over nothing…”

His pretty face falls into a frown, whole body rigid and focused on your sad expression.

“Baby, come here”

Throwing one leg over his lap, Yangyang turns you around in his hold so that you’re facing him. His fingers pet your hair until you close your eyes in bliss, your breath slowing down until it matches his.

“You’re right. I’m so, so sorry if I said something that hurt you. Will you please stay here? You’re my lucky charm. My beautiful, lucky charm that fits right into my lap”

You smile at his sweet words, letting your head rest against his neck and enjoying the little backrubs he gave you until he felt you were fully relaxed. You easily fell asleep in his arms, your sweet dreams interrupted only from the kisses he left on your temples.