#i just think its funny how almost everyone is stressing how IMPORTANT the right choices in multiclassing are and im over here like 🤪🤪🤪

[fruk-choosing-a-username]

everyone: you must think about every detail when multiclassing. you have to consider ability scores, proficiencies, what works together, skills, spells. it is a meticulous and careful process that you must put extreme thought and care into to be the most powerful class combination. you can't just choose classes willy-nilly with no reason. you will suffer and be extremely weak and die constantly. you must research and consider every single detai-

me: i chose these two classes to multiclass because i like them both and couldn't decide.

[grimbeak]

hi! here’s another fun n cheerful ghost jay drabble, definitely not really depressing at all! :D 

Mistakes 

Pixal was expecting many things to be going on when she got back to the temple, almost a month late after her mission went awry. It was supposed to be only two weeks she was gone, but, well, duty calls. 

Out of all the things she has been expecting (mourning, an empty temple, arguing, etc.), seeing Jay on the couch talking to Cole was not one of them. 

“Um.”

Both boys look up, confused looks turning into delighted smiles almost instantly as they jump up. “Pixal!” Cole runs over to her, and she laughs as his arms wrap tightly around her in a hug. “How’ve you been? Zane and Lloyd are doing a patrol,” he explains, “something about a rogue batch of serpentine. They should be back in about an hour or two, unless something goes wrong.” 

“Great,” Pixal smiles, squeezing him back one more time before stepping away. Her eyes land on Jay, and her smile fades. “How- my apologies, but... why and how is he here?”

“Well, uh...” Cole trails off, clearly a bit uncomfortable. “He’s kind of...”

Jay’s smile, however, doesn’t falter, instead clearing his throat and pulling a paper out of his pocket (is he... see-through?). Reading from the paper, he says, “So, funny story, I died. And now I’m a ghost. With no memory of dying, or... anything that caused me to die. So, don’t-” he frowns, slightly- “don’t tell me anything that may trigger memories, and try not to act weird around me. And, um, that’s about it.” He folds the paper, slipping it back into his pocket. “Kai wrote that for me,” Jay explains. “Pretty informative.” 

Pixal blinks. “Right. Well. So you don’t remember... anything?” She’s been told about the island, but... apparently her friends have neglected to tell her that Jay is alive (well... half-alive. A ghost. Whatever) and well (as well as one can be with zero memories of their death.) 

Jay shakes his head. “Nope. And, apparently, no one’s allowed to tell me about it.” He sounds a bit disappointed at the last bit, but regains a smile that seems rather forced. “Anyway, good to see you again! I’ll go tell Kai you’re back.” 

Pixal waits until her friend (friend? Formerly-dead-but-now-alive friend? Formerly-enemy-friend? Hmm.) jogs off before turning back to Cole. “So. When did he turn up?”

The master of earth rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. “Few days after you went on your mission. From what I heard, he just kinda... popped out of the wall. Scared the crap out of Kai.” 

Pixal smiles, slightly. “So, I’m assuming I will be informed about what happened when the others return?”

Cole nods just as Jay re-enters the room, followed closely by Kai. The fire ninja offers a smile and a wave to Pixal. “Hey, Pix. How was the mission?”

“Long,” she sighs, and Kai smirked. 

“So, uh... wanna come get some tea? Lloyd made some, earlier.” Pixal raises an eyebrow, and Kai hurriedly adds, “Zane helped him. It doesn’t taste horrible, for once.” 

“Yes. That would be nice.”

***

So maybe Jay shouldn’t be doing this. 

But hey. He did figure out how to turn invisible all on his own (well, mostly on his own (having your best friend become a ghost for over a year and a half does have its advantages)), so he should use it. It’s his decision, not any of his friends’. 

Not that he’s told his friends about his ability to turn invisible, anyway, but still.

From what Jay understands, the other ninja are going to have Important Discussion Time with Pixal in around five minutes. Explain to her what happened on the island and what not.

So, the logical thing to do is sneak in while being invisible, listen to whatever happened on the island that nobody wants to tell him about, try to figure out why they didn’t want to tell him. Can’t be that bad, right?

Right. Everything’ll be fine, and Jay will be fine, and he’ll tell the others that he knows, and everything will be great. 

Pixal interrupts his train of thought, standing up with the others. “So, we’re gonna go...” She gestures vaguely to the living room, and Cole and Kai wince in unision behind her. They probably don’t think that Jay has noticed the fact that they shoo him away for a few hours every time that they have to explain his existence (half-existence?) to someone. Which, surprisingly, happens a lot. 

Jay pushes himself away from the wall he was leaning against (being able to touch solid things is a lot easier than being able to touch people, or have people touch him.) with a smile. “Yeah, sure. I’m gonna go rest for a bit, see you guys later.”

He’s not going to go rest for a bit. What he is going to do, actually, is pull the tracker off his uniform (it’s not as hidden as Zane thinks) and put it on his bed, then sneak back into the living room, invisible. 

(One of the first things he worked on as a ghost was turning invisible. Going invis is easier than getting out of invis, actually. It’s sort of like a switch you flick down to disappear.

Getting out is harder, due to the fact that it takes physical contact with someone to switch out. The last few times he’s done it, Jay just bumped shoulders with Zane while he had his nose buried in a book.

Jay hopes this meeting won’t take too long. The longer he’s invisible, the more he can feel himself fading away.)

The other ninja (and Pixal) dissapear into the Important Discussion Talk room, and Jay wanders off to his room. Quickly, he pulls the mini tracker that Zane made off his elbow (not the best hiding spot, seriously) and places it carefully on his bed. 

Time to overhear some things, like any good person questioning their existence and/or past would do. 

Once he’s back into the kitchen, Jay flips the internal switch.

And vanishes. 

It’s... it’s pretty much exactly the same as being a regular ghost, except for the fact that he can’t see himself.

Jay pushes the door open (and silently thanks the FSM that it doesn’t creak), and gets noticed almost immediately. Crap. 

Cole frowns, pushing himself up from the couch. “...Jay?”

Zane pulls something out of his pocket before turning it around so that Jay and Cole can see the screen. “No. He’s still in his room. We should really get that door fixed- does that all the time.”

...Oh thank god. 

Zane sets the tracker pad back down onto the table, Jay slinks farther into the room, and Cole closes the door before plopping back down onto the couch. “We ready to start?”

Pixal nods, slowly, looking a little less unsure than earlier. “Affirmative.” 

“Alright, so...” Kai leans back in his chair, in a ready-to-start-talking-about-our-friend’s-demise-and-resurrection pose. “Let’s begin.” 

And they do.

They talk about getting to the island, about being... not exactly welcomed by the locals (understandable), and about-

“His mother?” 

“We think so,” Cole says awkwardly. “Well, not think so, Master Wu did explicitly say that she was Jay’s mom. Said her name was Linda, or something.” 

“Liberty,” Nya interupts “But when they were kids, everyone apparently called her Libber. She used to be really nice and kind too- a lot like Jay, really, but...” She looks at the ground.

Jay can’t breathe. His mother was there, his mom, and they didn’t tell him about her? Why? 

He finds it very hard to stay quiet right now, and instead shoves his fist in his mouth and bites on it, hard. ...Doesn’t really do anything, but the numb feeling he always has grows worse. He’ll start sort of... tingling, soon. Always happens when he gets stressed, now.

“But she had lost it.”

Hold on, she- what?

Nya takes a shaky breath, and her brother squeezes her hand comfortingly. “Libber was... clearly not herself. Insane, really. Just kind of... bent on destruction. Something had happened, we don’t know what, but she wasn’t- wasn’t herself, anymore, according to Master Wu. Jay was kinda... messed up about that.”

“Of course he was,” Cole murmurs. “I mean, you meet your mom after not even knowing she existed for most of your life, and she doesn’t even care about you? Gotta screw you up a little. Along with... all the other stuff.”

Jay’s starting to think he really doesn’t want to know about all the other stuff. 

But the other ninja keeps talking, and he keeps listening, and Jay really understands why they didn’t want to tell him about any of this. 

“So,” Pixal says eventually, after Kai’s taken a break from speaking. “Just to be perfectly clear- Jay went evil slash insane because his mother didn’t care about him, and he thought that none of you cared about him as well?” 

Yes, Jay wants to scream. Yes, that’s exactly what happened. 

There are thoughts in his head, memories blinking in and out and Jay doesn’t really know what to do with all of them. 

“Well,” Kai starts slowly, “it wasn’t all that, but-” 

“Shut it, Kai,” Cole interrupts, and his companions stare at him in surprise. “Look, just- yes, Pixal. It was our fault. We made him feel like we didn’t care about him. Kai especially,” he added, and the fire ninja glared at him for a few seconds until he gave up, looking down at the ground. Cole continued. “And now we have another chance, and just- we can’t mess up this time.”

“And then what happened?” Pixal asks.

“The tribe got to him,” Cole says, “offered him a way out.” 

And they all keep tallking. 

And Jay listens.

Listens to how he turned against his friends, how he was going to destroy Ninjago to bring them pain and suffering, and how the others had no choice to but to take him down. And they did that by-

After a few seconds of silence, Pixal speaks up. “So... how’d you stop him?” 

No one says anything, and Jay’s stomach drops as Kai looks at the ground.

Pixal’s eyes widen. “You didn’t- you guys- you...” She trails off, shocked.

Kai whispers, eventually, “We didn’t mean to kill him. But he... we were just trying to hit him with all our powers at once, see if we could snap him out of it, maybe stop him, but-” he looks at his hand as if it’s covered in blood. “...We’re more powerful than we thought.” 

Jay’s frozen, and the one remaining part of his head that can think clearly hopes that this meeting’ll end soon, otherwise he’ll start to fade away. Once that happens... 

His friends-

They killed him. 

Jay had assumed it was something that happened with the tribe, or-or maybe even his mother and where was she?, but not his friends.

He feels sick. 

...Maybe he deserved it, honestly, with the way he was acting, but still. 

“OK,” Pixal says after a moment, “so he’s dead because you guys killed him.” Cole and Lloyd wince at the true accusation, but nod in agreement. “So how’d become a ghost, then? There’s... I can’t think of any logical way.”

“We think,” Cole starts, “that the tribe has some kind of resurrection ritual. But either something went wrong or there’s a cost, because Jay doesn’t know how or why he died. Also the whole ghost thing.”

“I see. And- was Libber there, too? Did... did she have to watch? Did you guys kill her, too?”

“No! She... she disappeared, just before Jay lost it. We’re not sure where she is- probably alive somewhere else. The tribe didn’t know where she went. She might’ve told Jay, but... if she did, he won’t remember.” 

...OK. So his mom is still out there, somewhere, probably insane. That’s... good to know, sort of.

“And, um...” Cole drums his fingers on the armrest of the couch he’s sitting on. Jay’s legs really hurt. “I think that’s about it.” 

“OK,” Pixal says slowly. “And I’m not allowed to tell Jay about this?”

The others shake their heads immediately. “Nope,” confirms Kai. “Too dangerous. Might go all insane-ey and lose it again.”

Jay...

Ouch.

...His friends don’t trust him, that’s for sure, and to be honest he deserves it.

But he deserves an apology, as well, not some half-baked lie about how when he died they realized they weren’t as nice to him as they could’ve been. 

...Maybe he can think of a way to tell him that he remembers, without them trying to kill him for it. 

As Jay’s thinking/beginning to have an internal mental breakdown, Cole stands up and starts walking towards the door. “I’m gonna go check on Jay, see how he’s doing. He’s asleep, right?” Zane holds up the tracker pad, which shows a little dot marked Jay on his bed. “Great. I’ll see how he’s doing, and-” 

Oops.

Jay had tried to go through the door just as Cole opened it, but apparently the other ninja has no respect for the personal space of friends he can’t see and didn’t know where there.   

Jay takes a few careful steps back, internally keeping the invisible switch down due to the fact that Cole bumped into him.

Cole hesitates, then reaches out a hand, and Jay is suddenly filled with so much dang panic that he can’t move, and Cole shoves him back so that Jay stumbles, landing hard against the wall and almost knocking over the coffee table. “Watch it!”

Cole’s eyes go wide and mouth drops open, the other ninja (and Pixal) twisting around in their seats to see what’s wrong.

..Jay’s not invisible anymore, is he.

One glance down at his body confirms that. He’s back to being a dark green/blue combo, the floor an odd colour beneath his feet.

 “You were...” Cole’s voice is quiet, but it quickly grows to a normal tone, albeit stunned. “You were listening? You were here the whole time?!” 

“I-” Jay glances around the room, eyes landing on Kai. “I didn’t-” 

His friends killed him.

His friends killed him. 

Kai swallows, before asking, “How do- Jay, are you... how do you feel?”

Jay looks at him.

And turns and sprints through the wall. 

It’s getting dark, outside, gray clouds indicating rain soon. Too bad. Jay can’t stay here.

His friends killed him his friends killed him- 

Jay hears a yell of “After him!” from behind him as the others claw their way through the temple.

He doesn’t have much time.

His friends killed him his friends killed him his friends-

Jay summons his dragon, pushing through the fear that seems to be overwhelming his body, more and more every second-

Hisfriendskilledhimhisfriendskilledhimhisfriendskilledhim-

He flies off just as the remaining ninja burst through the door. He can hear them calling their dragons, as well, with the sound of wings behind him within a few seconds.

He flies faster. 

“Hmmm, what you’re looking for is an Aeroblade, forged by Deepstone, an aquatic material mined from the bottom of the ocean. Very unique. Even more expensive.” 

Aeroblades.

Ronin.

He needs to find Ronin.

Jay looks back at the five dragons following him, their riders too far away to see clearly (he got a head start). 

He looks ahead of him, to Ninjago City the place that he apparently tried to destroy a few months ago. 

..He’ll lose them there.

[marveloussupernerd]

Ice Cream - Vanderwood

Uhm so... this idea started w this being abo seven. Then about Unknown. And then about Vandy. Just to clarify, I know lots of different pronouns are thrown around for Vanderwood, but I’m playing the safe route and going by he/him because that’s what the creators said 😀 no judgement if you hc otherwise though! Sorry this is probably gonna be OOC bc I have not played another story so my interactions w him have been slim to none

Summary: You were just kind of... depressed today. With the hacker at large, Seven and Mary Vanderwood III have been tasked with watching you through security cameras. Kinda rough when you won’t leave your room and there aren’t cameras in there. Vanderwood tries to cheer you up

PSA: this lowkey deals w mental health but not explicitly ? Inspired by me bc I get depressed~ esp when I am PMSing (which I am doing now) and genuinely can’t get out of bed and do things (ppl are iffy on mental health so just to say I have been diagnosed and was given birth control to help... which honestly has helped a lil). So I thought this would maybe help me and hopefully some of you, Jesus Christ I’ve prob lost so many of you w all these announcements

You just... couldn’t get out of bed. You had been stuck inside for a few days now, watched over by Seven and Mary Vanderwood III via security cams. But not getting to go outside and have human interaction kinda sucked. And then all your work was stressful too. You just didn’t want to move. And so you didn’t.

You got dressed though. That was a good start. Granted it was in something that could also be considered pajamas, but it felt nice to change your clothes. Felt productive. You went back into bed.

How long had you spent in bed, scrolling mindlessly through social media and watching stupid YouTube videos? You looked at the time; it was 1 pm. You were lucky you had today off, but had hoped to be more productive today. Oh well.

Your video was interrupted. A call from Seven. It was probably important.

“Hey Seven!” You picked up, bringing your voice to its typical cheery state. “What’s up?”

“Are you okay?” The voice on the other line asked. You jumped; it was deep, much deeper than Seven’s, and very serious.

“Are you using a voice modifier?” You giggled. It felt nice to talk to someone.

“Huh? Oh, no. This isn’t Seven.”

You paused for a minute, raising an eyebrow. Your voice caught in the back of your throat. “Are you... the hacker?”

“No!” The voice sounded urgent.

“Tom? Seven’s childhood friend?”

“I’m not fully convinced he exists.” The voice replied, an edge to the voice making it sound like a joke.

“Honestly? Me neither.” You paused, trying to think of who it could be. “I fold. Who are you? And how’d you get Seven’s phone!?”

“Giving up that easily?” The voice was teasing you now. “I thought you’d do more than two guesses.” You huffed out a sigh, making sure your annoyance was heard. “Come on, who would have access to Seven’s phone?”

That literally made no sense though. “...Mary Vanderwood the III?”

“Is he calling me that to you too now?” The voice asked, clearly annoyed. “My name is not Mary Vanderwood the III, and I’m not Seven’s maid. I just go by Vanderwood.”

“Hi Vanderwood,” you greeted. “You’re... a dude?”

“Yes.” He sounded annoyed still. “I don’t know why he’s said all this stuff.”

You giggled. “Well, back to the beginning of the conversation. Why’d you ask if I was okay? Is anything suspicious happening?”

“You just... you haven’t left your bedroom yet.”

“Oh” was all you could say.

“Oh? Are you okay?”

“Yeah of course!” You figured you might as well explain yourself. “It’s just, uhm, I haven’t really wanted to get out of bed and be productive. Sort of a mental block.”

“Oh,” his voice was much more understanding now. “That sucks.”

“Yeah... I think it’s because I haven’t interacted with people in a while. Just kinda holed up in the apartment. Hard to stay motivated.” Why were you telling him all this? He just wanted to know if you were okay. He wasn’t your therapist. “Oops! Uhm, sorry. Didn’t mean to unload that all.”

“You’re okay. I’m... sorry to hear that.”

“I’ve dealt with it before so like... it’s fine. It’ll pass. There are way more pressing matters right now,” you brushed it off, shrugging even though you knew he couldn’t see you.

“Do you-“ he coughed. “Do you like ice cream?”

“Yes?” What a change of topic. “Who doesn’t?”

“Well, if you want something to do, do you wanna get ice cream? If you’re feeling up for it.” He sounded almost awkward. It was kind of sweet.

But still, more pressing issues at hand. “I don’t know if I should with the hacker and everything. Everyone has security but me and so I-“

“I work with Seven. I think I can protect you.”

“Think?” You teased.

“You know that’s not how I meant it. I know I could protect you if need be. If you don’t want to though that’s okay.”

“No!” You shouted. You covered your mouth immediately, embarrassed from your outburst. “No. I think that’d be really nice.”

“I can pick you up outside the apartment in like ten minutes? You don’t have to worry about getting dressed up nice or anything...”

This was all so sudden. “Oh, I guess you do know the address, huh.” You were more saying it to yourself than him. “Wait! What do you look like? So that I don’t get picked up by the hacker or anything.”

“Uh...” he seemed so confident, but very uncomfortable describing himself. “I’ve got brown hair. Kinda long? It goes down to my shoulders. You know what? The lining of my jacket is leopard print. That should help.”

You were silent. Leopard print?

“Don’t make fun of it.” You could hear the scowl in his voice. “Ten minutes. See you then.” He hung up before you could say goodbye.

He did say not to look nice. Which made sense, in retrospect, because he had seen you for the past few days lounging at home. There was no need to try to impress; he already knew how you looked on the norm.

So you grabbed a jacket, your phone, and your wallet (with pepper spray attached to it for good measure), and headed out.

You kind of felt like a hooker, standing out at the curb waiting for a car to drive up and get you. But, you pushed those thoughts out of your mind. You were getting real human interaction today thanks to Vanderwood.

He pulled up in a very standard car, definitely not one of Seven’s babes. He rolled down the window and called your name.

“Wait! Show me the lining of your jacket!” You requested. It felt ridiculous but it was important. You laughed nonetheless, as did he. He pulled the jacket up, showing the intricate pattern. You grinned and got in the car.

“Hi. Nice to meet you in person,” you started, looking over at him. He kept the window down as he drove, the sound from the car loud and the wind blowing through his hair.

“You too,” he shouted, trying to talk over the wind. “Nice day out, huh?”

You leaned your head slightly out the window, the cool breeze a nice offset to the warmth of the sun beating down on you. “Mhm,” you hummed.

Luckily the ice cream shop was only a few minutes away. Good thing too; you weren’t sure what to talk about. You benefited from the fact that most of your words were carried away with the wind; the conversation starters had sucked anyway. You just focused on his surprisingly good driving and the feeling of the sun.

He got out of the car and you quickly followed. He didn’t wait for you, just kept walking to the order window. You scrambled to catch up. “So what’s your favorite?” He asked, sensing you by his side without even having to look.

“Oh, uhm, I’ll have cookie dough. Always a solid choice. How about you?”

He turned to you, a smile on his face that contrasted frankly with the harsh lines of his features. “Dark chocolate raspberry.”

“I can’t tell if I’m surprised or if I expected that.” You let out a little ‘hm’ and shrugged your shoulders. He went up and ordered for the both of you.

“Oh, uh,” you reached into your wallet, but he brushed you off.

“Relax. I can pay for a $3 ice cream cone.”

Your eyes widened. You hadn’t realized that may insult him. “Oh! Uh, that’s not what I meant to insinuate. I’m sorry.”

He glanced over with that smile of his, brown eyes lighting up. Why did it make your heart flutter? You had literally just met the guy. You were such a goddamn simp.

He grabbed the ice creams and handed you yours, his gloved fingers brushing against your bare ones. It wasn’t even skin-to-skin contact! Why did you feel this way from something so small? You wanted to die right then and there. He suggested you eat in the car to maintain a low profile and you nodded, not trusting your own voice.

Were you supposed to talk? Or eat your ice cream? Or both? Your mind chose for you, as words stumbled out of your lips before you could even stop them. “So is Vanderwood your real name?” Idiot. Of course it isn’t!

“God no.” He sounded hard about it. It was hard to take him seriously while he was licking an ice cream cone like that. You tried to hide your laughter. “No, don’t laugh.” His voice wasn’t hard this time. He was almost begging you to go easy on him.

“No I’m sorry! I wasn’t laughing at your name. It’s just... it’s kind of funny when you sound all mad and annoyed but you look so cute eating your ice cream.” No!!!!! Did you just call him cute? This was going AWFUL. You should have stayed home.

“Well, you can make fun of my name. I obviously didn’t pick it. It’s stupid.” Maybe he hadn’t heard the last part of what you said, considering he didn’t bring it up? But why was he blushing?

“It’s not that bad. You could be named Mary Vanderwood the III,” you teased. He rolled his eyes. “Can I give you a nickname? Maybe make it less insufferable?”

“What, you think we’re going to be talking all the time now?” He had a point. Why did you... do any of this? It was so embarrassing. You stared at your ice cream, praying you didn’t blush or shake your leg or do anything to show how much you felt like an idiot. He nudged you, causing you to glance up at him, and he smiled. “I’d love a nickname.”

“Wood.”

“Ha ha,” he laughed sarcastically.

“V! Oh wait... we can’t do that.” Poor V. You had almost regifted his name. “Vandy!”

“Vandy?” He questioned, trying out the name. “I’m not seeing it.”

“I am. Vandy. That’s the one”

“It’s too...cute.” His cheeks flushed red again. He pushed some of his hair out of his eyes. “I’m not letting you call me that.”

“You don’t get to pick your own nickname,” you stuck your tongue out at him. “I think it’s very fitting. It’s cute, you’re cute...” why were you doing this to yourself? You must have hated yourself.

“You’ve said that twice now. That I’m cute,” he mentioned causally, biting down on his cone, the rest of the ice cream gone.

“Oh! I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it as an insult.”

“Oh, it’s fine. It’s probably just my toxic masculinity.” It sounded like a joke but he also sounded serious? There were so many mysteries surrounding him.

“Well, if it helps. I think you’re quite handsome too. But that’s a lot of syllables to get my point across.” You were a bit more confident this time. If he was genuinely worried about his image, why wouldn’t you help reassure him.

“Uh, thanks.” He pushed back his hair, pausing midway. “I’m sorry, I’m really bad with gratitude. I genuinely appreciate it, especially coming from you.”

“Well it’s not like I’m lying,” you shrugged. You had finished your ice cream. “Uhm... maybe we should get back. Who knows what Seven’s been up to since you’ve been gone.”

“Oh, yes. Of course.”

The drive back was just as silent as the drive there, the both of you enjoying the sun and the wind again. He turned on the radio this time. It played 80s hits.

He parked in front of the building. “I hope that helped you feel a little better. I mean, I had fun,” he explained. You could tell he was forcing the words out, forcing himself to express some emotion.

“It helped a lot. For real. Thank you Vandy.” You touched his arm gently.

“Can I have your number?” He asked, a small smirk forming at the corner of his lips. “So that I don’t have to call you through Seven’s phone again,” he justified.

You smiled, nodding, wordlessly taking the phone from his hands and putting your number in. Why were your hands shaking? Was he genuinely interested in you? Or was he just a nice guy?

You handed the phone back. “Thank you again.” You smiled, opening the car door.

“Wait!” He exclaimed. You turned back towards him, leaving the car door open. “Can I... kiss you?”

You shut the car door again, nodding eagerly. He pressed himself against the center console to reach you, using one hand to balance himself and the other to brush the hair out of your eyes, cupping your cheek as he closed the distance between the two of you. Your eyes fluttered shut, focused on just how warm and soft his lips were. It was... really pleasant. He didn’t maintain the kiss for long, although you seemed to have lost your concept of time.

He pulled away, hand still on your cheek, smiling that smile again. “Thank you. I hope I made your day a little better. You certainly improved mine.”

Your fingers grazed his own, intertwining with his for a moment as you opened the car door with the other hand. “You did. I’ll look forward to seeing you again maybe?”

“For sure,” he was more flustered now. “Ah, I should probably make sure Seven hasn’t burned down the house. Have a good night.” He regained his composure, winking at you as you exited the car, and driving off, wind still blowing in his hair.

Vandy stans don’t drag me maybe he was OOC but also I wanna think he’s a little less confident in a romantic situation ? Idk. I hope you all liked it tho tyy

[musical-in-theory]

Caught in the Crossfire

Chapter 5: Setting Up Dominoes (just to watch them fall)

Previous chapter

Tommy walked through the trees in the forest surrounding Pogtopia. He made sure to keep an eye out for stray leaves or twigs like Wilbur had taught him. He used to sneak out pretty often to see Tubbo when they still lived with Phil, and Wilbur had given him tips on how to not get caught. Those lighthearted lessons were coming in handy more and more now. 

The sun filtered through the trees as he made his way to the designated meeting spot. Tommy hoped he wouldn’t be alone when he arrived. He’d left a note for Tubbo the day before on their bench asking to meet up. He didn’t want to think about what it meant if Tubbo either hadn’t gotten it or ignored it.

It was nearly sunset as Tommy approached his bench again. Luckily it was already occupied by the person he’d been wanting to see the most ever since the disastrous election. Tubbo saw him out of the corner of his eye and smiled at him. Tommy sprinted the rest of the way and gave him a quick but tight hug, ignoring the alarm bells ringing in his head. Tubbo was working for Schlatt. Tubbo was meant to kill him. 

Tommy broke the hug off and scoffed, “God you’re so fuckin clingy, big T.” As hard as he tried, he couldn’t completely wipe the grin off his face.

Tubbo laughed and sat back down on the bench, looking at the sunset. “Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say.” He swung his feet back and forth as Tommy took his seat next to him. It felt almost normal, which was a rare feeling these days. They both just wanted to pretend for a little while that they were back to the days before the election, before the L’manburg war, before everything. It was just the two of them together like they always should’ve been.

They wanted to pretend, and so they did. The duo talked about everything and nothing. They ignored the real reason the meeting was called. They didn’t bring up Manburg or Pogtopia or really anything to do with the pressing situation. Tubbo talked about his bees and his house and a funny joke Jack Manifold told him the other day. Tommy listened and laughed and of course made fun of how Tubbo could get excited about pretty much anything.

A few people trickled by, but if any of them saw the pair, they averted their eyes and made note to keep Schlatt and Dream away from the area. They were kids after all. They deserved a bit of time to be just that.

However, all good things must come to an end. Night fell and Tommy sighed. “Hey Tubbo?” Tommy tried to keep a brave face, but his nerves pushed through the facade. 

“It’s time, isn’t it?” Tubbo sighed as well. His shoulders sagged under the pressure that suddenly pervaded the area. “Your note said you had to talk to me about Wilbur’s plan. Does that mean you guys are gonna sneak me out of here?” There was a hopeful lilt at the end of the question. Tommy was both relieved and hurt to hear it.

It meant that Tubbo didn’t really want to stay or work for Schlatt, but on the other hand that was exactly what he was about to ask him to do. “About that… you’ll be on Pogtopia’s side-”

“Pogtopia?”

“Shut the fuck up, Tubbo.” Tubbo laughed. He really had missed this.

“So you’ll be on Pogtopia’s side, but you’ll kinda have to stay in L’manburg,” Tommy continued. When he’d first heard of Wilbur’s idea, he was excited. If Tubbo agreed to it, they’d get to see each other again, and Tubbo would have a cool job. Tommy could give him a bunch of secret missions to pass the time!

Now, though, after seeing the disappointment on his best friend’s face at the idea that he would have to stay at Schlatt’s side, he realized just what being a spy meant. It meant that he’d be in danger of getting caught by the enemy at all times, even more so than either Wilbur or Tommy. It meant lying to everyone around him, even people he might’ve cared about at one point or another.

The question nearly caught in his throat. “Will you be our spy on the inside?” Tommy infused as much of his usual Innit brand of confidence into his voice as possible. As much as he didn’t like asking, this was Wilbur’s plan, and Wil was almost always right about these sorts of things.

Tubbo looked down at his hands in his lap. Tommy could almost physically see the gears turning in his head as he weighed his options. After a minute or two of deliberation, he squared his shoulders with determination lining his face. He nodded swiftly and smirked. “Schlatt won’t know what hit him.”

It was then that Tommy remembered Tubbo’s greatest strength. He was far too often underestimated. For as chaotic and brash as Tommy was, Tubbo was always there by his side more often than not finding ways to make their schemes more effective. Everyone always assumed that Tubbo was merely a sidekick, and Schlatt was no different. That would be his downfall.

They both got up from their bench and nodded at each other before heading their separate ways. Neither said goodbye. Goodbyes made everything seem final, and they knew that this was only the beginning.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Techno lifted his arm up to wipe the sweat from his brow. His mask had long been discarded to the side as he finished the final touches on his potato farm. It was nearly as impressive as the one he’d just left, but with a bit of redstone he found at least this one was self-harvesting. All he had left to do was to just make sure it worked correctly and “report back to Tommy.” Neither Tommy nor Techno really cared about the hierarchy of it, but if it put Wilbur even a little at ease then they’d go along with it. 

However, based on the choppy, fast paced whistling echoing through the ravine, Techno couldn’t say for certain that the tension had dropped. Techno dropped his tools and stuck his head through the doorway of the underground farm. Sure enough, Wil was strolling down the stairs. As he got closer, Techno saw how his eyes seemed the slightest bit unfocused and the tell-tale dark spots on his lips from where he’d been biting them. If stress was a person, its name would be Wilbur Soot. 

Techno took a breath and walked through the small opening. Even when he’d been little, he hated conversation. Actions always spoke louder than words in his opinion, so he didn’t understand why saying the right things was so important. Luckily he had a twin by his side that could weave his words with ease. Wil did the talking for him, and when they were alone, reassuring pats on the back or the squeeze of their hands were their language of choice.

Now that the twins were reunited, none of that was anywhere to be seen. Trying to talk to Wilbur had become like drowning in an ocean. Wil had the means to pull him to shore, but he only seemed to watch Techno sink further. He was on his own to either sink or swim, and he knew what to choose.

“Wilbur.” The other’s eyes focused on Techno and lost whatever haziness has been there previously. He could only hope this was a good sign. “I, uh. I finished the farm. Made pretty good time on it.” Techno tried not to let the tension in his body show. Conversation was a battle, and the first thing he did was trip.

Wilbur nodded his head to signal him to lead the way. Techno thought that maybe he’d see a bit of pride show on the usually expressive man’s face, but it was blank. That was one of the strangest things he’d noticed. Wilbur exuded a sort of pride and determination that fueled his own brand of charisma. It was the sort of mannerism that they both shared, something to tell others that they were in fact twins. But now that pride was seemingly gone. 

They both entered the farm area once again. Techno stood back as Wilbur took the time to scan over and judge the work done. He hummed, “Well done, I suppose.” Wilbur looked back at Techno. “Tommy must’ve helped more than I expected. I didn’t actually think you two would be able to get this much done in such a short amount of time.”

Techno coughed, “Tommy didn’t really do much. He’s been off mining cobble for… well that part’s not important.” He pretended not to notice how Wil’s eyes narrowed in suspicion at that last statement.

Fortunately, it seemed Wilbur was willing to let it go for the moment in favor of a different line of questioning. “Wait, if he hasn’t been helping- how long have you been working on this?” There was a hint of surprise in his voice, like he already knew the answer but didn’t really think it to be true.

“Only about 16 hours, give or take,” Techno said bluntly. 

Wilbur blinked at him. “Tech- Technoblade. You got here yesterday.” A small smirk pulled at his lips. “You didn’t sleep at all last night, did you?”

Techno couldn’t help the minute smile that found its way onto his face as well. “Me? Of course not. My sleep schedule is in peak condition.”

“Tell that to the bags under your eyes.”

“Only if you tell yours the same.”

The two both fell into muted laughter, but the echoing in the ravine made it sound just as boisterous as it had been years before. Techno wanted to just stay in this moment. It had been far too long since he’d been able to simply enjoy any of his family’s presence, and here Wilbur was, back to acting like the brother he’d grown up with.

Techno wanted to savor the moment, but too soon it turned sour. Wilbur cut off his laughter abruptly, dawning realization slowly filling his eyes. “I can’t do this.” Wil’s voice sounded clipped and like he was trying to convince himself of something. 

He tried to leave, but Techno followed him out. “Did I just miss something?” Techno was starting to get an idea of what happened. He only wished that for once, he was wrong.

“Stop. I don’t… just get back to work. The farm looks operational. Go operate it.” Wilbur stated without looking back at him. 

“You’re hearing it again, aren’t you?” That got him to turn around. “That’s what suddenly got your attention back there.” It wasn’t a question. Pogtopia was a land of silence. It was a place of water droplets and creaking walkways and the sound of steel against stone, and yet it was quiet with a man trapped inside who couldn’t stand to be mute. It made sense that Wilbur was filling it with sounds only he could hear.

Techno looked from the floor to his twin’s face only to find anger lining it. “I said stop. You have no idea what’s going on. How could you when you haven’t been around for the past 7 years?” Wilbur walked up to him and nearly spat in his face in rage. It was such a turn from the previous mood, Techno almost took a step back in surprise. He held his ground, though. Wilbur had always been able to bounce from one emotion to another so easily.

“You’re wrong anyways. We aren’t brothers. We aren’t family. So we shouldn’t act like it. You forfeited all of that when you walked out of mine and my little brother’s life. I let myself forget for a minute. I can promise it won’t happen again.” Wilbur glared at him.

Techno stared at him for a minute. What once was hearth in Wil’s eyes, welcoming and warming all who came near, was now a blazing wildfire, ready to burn and destroy anything that ventured too close. Techno was too close, but he didn’t dare turn back yet.

“Wil, I left for you. For the both of us! I couldn’t stand seeing you in pain when it got too loud, and I was terrified that one day my voices would make me hurt you! I left to go get answers. I wanted to find a way to get rid of it all. So don’t stand there and pretend like I left for no good reason.” Techno could feel himself start to shout, but he couldn’t stop it. Damnit, he cared. There weren’t too many things he let close enough to care about, but Wilbur, his family, there wasn’t anything they could do to get him to stop caring. And that could be a very dangerous thing.

Shouts ripped from Wilbur’s throat, “Don’t you get it yet? I don’t give a shit about why you left! You left when I needed you most, and of course Phil had to go and follow you! For 7 years I had to take care of Tommy and then Tubbo on my own. I had to live with this fucking curse. On. My. Own. At least it was fucking bearable when you were there with me. Once you were gone, the music got so loud. I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t move. Nothing.” Tears pricked at the corners of Wilbur’s eyes.

His voice dropped to a whisper. “You left me to that misery. And the worst part? I really believed you’d come back for me. I sat by the front door, everyday for a year, looking at the horizon for any sign of you. I genuinely believed that I was worth enough for you to at least visit. But after all this time, you came back just because Tommy asked.” He took a deep breath. “So fine. If you came to us under the premise of supporting the cause, then I will treat you like the soldier you joined as. I’ll only repeat myself once more. Get to work.”

Wilbur turned around and retreated back to his room with the finality of a last nail in a coffin. Techno was left to stare after him. He’d forever deny the tears that ran down his face and landed upon the rough stone beneath his feet.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The second Wilbur knew he was out of view of Techno he collapsed against the wall of his room. The bastard just had to bring up his curse. He hissed through gritted teeth as he brought his hands up to his ears. Wil knew it wouldn’t- couldn't- shut anything out, though. It was coming from inside his own head.

That was the difference between the twins. Everyone knew about the voices Technoblade possessed. He’d even gone as far as to name it, humanize his curse, almost owning it. He made no attempt to hide it. Wilbur, on the other hand, worked hard to keep his own a secret. People simply assumed he was the “normal” twin of the two. 

The truth was… he heard things too. He heard the haunting music constantly, the main source of many of his sleepless nights. Not that he’d ever admit it. Repeating melodies that would go on and on forever, driving him off the deep end if he let them. He’d long since learned how to push it to the back of his mind and take control of his thoughts, much like Techno had. Although they had to learn how on their own. It was a lesson learned only after Techno left on his expedition. 

However, with all the stress of recent events it had gotten much harder to keep the distracting tunes at bay. Just the mention of them a minute ago riled them up so much that Wilbur had a hard time keeping up with the words flying out of his own mouth in a cruel rhythm. He meant everything he said. Every single word. It was just that the music had flooded in, cascaded through his mind, and washed away any filter he might have had. 

He hated Techno. A three word lyric to weave through the ongoing notes. He hated his twin. At least his voices were helpful sometimes. He could reason with them. Wilbur had no choice but to let the music smother him, to shatter him. If Wil was breaking, it wasn’t fair that Techno refused to crack.

Which brought him to where he was now. Merely a pathetic excuse for a leader falling against a wall and unraveling under the maddening crescendo of an unfinished symphony. The history books might later state how the exiled president went mad in the dark shadows of this ravine, but Wilbur knew better. His insanity started far, far earlier. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks for reading!! Sorry it took such a long time, but I had so much classwork to do. Hopefully the longer than normal chapter makes up for it haha. Anyway, I hope y’all enjoyed it. Our boys have a long way to go before anything can start to get better, but there’s a certain beauty in the fall. If you have the time, I’d love to know what you think! Reading your comments absolutely makes my day!

Once again a huge thank you to @the-ruler-of-rabbits for being such an amazing and patient beta reader. They’ve been a big help in the creation of this entire fic and I couldn’t do it without them.

Let me know if you want on or off the tag list!

Taglist: @obsidiancreates @strawberiitea @unlikelypaperwitch @corrine-370 @crazymecjc @ducklingqueen @idkhowbutimgayer @whydoilovesomanyvillians @anne-the-historian-ish @wilburs-soot @belonginthesky @coindoesstuff

[enigma-im]

Family Affairs

Rating: teen Relationship: Robot/Female!Human Warnings:

Word Count: 2,211

Tracey goes to a family reunion where someone let lose the secret of who she is dating.

Main story -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"yea, can't wait. Uh-huh, see you all Saturday. Love you too, bye," I press the red circle with too much ire to be comfortable. I sit back in my office chair, rubbing my eyes once I drop my phone to my lap. "Fuck," I shout," Fuck, Fuck, Fuck!" I let my hands drop to my thighs, staring up at the ceiling trying to think.

Lost in thought I don't hear the knocking at my door. It isn't till someone sets a hand on me that I notice. Startled, I jump, looking up at Daniel's also surprised face.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you, love," he hovers his hand over my shoulder. I stare from him to his arm then back again. When did he get in here?

"Oh, it's fine. I was just a bit lost in thought," I answer. I suck in a breath, sitting up to push away from my desk.

"What were you thinking about. Penny for your thoughts, if you will," he grins. My lip edges quirk as well. I stand and head out the room, Daniel following closely behind.

"Just dreading the family meet-up this weekend," I clarify. I head into the kitchen for a drink. Opening the fridge and grabbing a water. "They are always so…much? They are just difficult to be a part of," I take a sip," I'm just not a fan."

I rest against the island, watching Daniel for a moment. Looking at his screen, seeing how his mouth quirks to the side in thought.

"Why is it difficult? I thought family gatherings are something to enjoy," he asks with a head tilt. So adorable the way he gets curious about things. You can always know he is truly engaged in a conversation if he asks questions.

"they should be but younger vs older generations generally ruin these get-togethers. Older bashing the younger's choice in lifestyles while younger resent the older for ruining the world they are coming into. Lots of voiced opinions and politics," I answer. Which is true, I never enjoyed these kinds of things. Aunt Carol generally makes the gatherings fun but ever since she sent me Daniel she has only been interested in talking about that. 'How is he doing, are you treating him well?'' Does everything, ya know, work? ''You should bring him up to the house and let me see him again, how I miss him so.' I don't mind the questions, I get it, but I'd like to talk about other stuff.

"If you are so against it then why go?"

"because I have to. If I don’t then I will never hear the end of it," I answer. " 'where is Tracey? Probably off at work again, never gives us the time of day anymore since she graduated. I just don't understand that girl.'," I mock a elder voice," just a lot of that anytime I get a call. I just need to suck it up and go," I shrug. It’s a simple fact, a family isn't a must but having that kind of backup and community is important. I love them all dearly but I just want them to stop asking when I'm getting married and if I have a boyfriend. I cannot explain to everyone how I'm committed to a robot Aunt Carol made. That would be one hell of a mess.

I'm sure I'm just exaggerating

--------------------

I sit in my car fuming, gripping the steering wheel too tightly with the music mute. I'm too pissed to tolerate any noises at the moment. I go well over the speed limit as I rush home, wanting this day to be over more than anything.

My mind wonders to the moment I walked through the front door. The home was lovely, sitting on the coast of a lake of all places. It just screamed 'I'm rich'. The view makes the get together the more tolerable. Which wasn't enough in this case.

I was first greeted by cousin Sophia, the twenty-something artist of the family. Seeing her accusing face should have been a foreboding sign. Like a picket-sign at the entrance of a dark forest telling others to turn back now. As the main character of a horror movie, I thought nothing of it.

The second person who greets me is my grandmother, dressed to the nines. I go into her group of older women. She is passive in her conversation, hinting at something I'm not getting. She passes curious glances at me, acting like I'm supposed to get some kind of joke. Like an idiot, I think nothing of it.

The beginning of the party feels like all eyes are on me. Whispers behind my back along with snickering. It isn't until I walk in the middle of Aunt Carol's conversation that I get a clue.

She was in the middle of talking about her latest project. Offhandedly mentioning Daniel, making me stop instead of walking by. I stay behind her, listening as she backtracks and ends up bragging about her work on my boyfriend. I don't panic, sitting mostly at the edge of stress. She continues blabbering about the intricate work and how special his A.I. is. I stop breathing when she mentions his capacity for feelings. My stomach drops when she mentions me. Next, filling everyone in on my relationship with a robot, not making me look good at all.

Now knowing why everyone was laughing behind my back, the party gets all the more devastating. I try to rough it out, having only snide comments. I can do this, it's fine.

I was an idiot. Like the dumb blonde in a slasher running up the stairs instead of out the door.

It starts small. Someone asks a question about relationships, curious about a boyfriend I have. Then its like a snowball down a steep mountain. Things go from passive to straight-up vulgar. I couldn't take it.

Thinking back, I dig my nails into the steering wheel cover. The perverts that I'm related to are insane! The blatant disrespect and ignorance were not only hurtful but rage-inducing.

I scratch the bottom of my bumper as I speed into the driveway. I throw the car in park and shove the seatbelt off. I grumble to myself as I storm up the walkway and into the house. Slamming the door behind myself I just barely see Daniel out the corner of my eye.

"Tracey? You are home early," he greets with a smile till I throw the keys into the bowl with too much force. "You ok," he asks, keeping wide breath. He knows from my work tantrums to give me a wide range less he wants to be the target of my ire.

I give him an off glance but storm into the kitchen to grab some leftover pie Daniel made. I grab the whole tin and bring it into the living room to devour. I sit on the couch with a huff and shove piles of pie into my mouth. I sneer at the wall as I chew, not even caring about the crumb falling onto my dress.

Daniel hesitantly walks in and sits on the chair diagonally from me. He fiddles with his fingers, perhaps waiting for me to speak. As I continue forcing more food down my throat he talks instead.

"you look lovely in your sundress," he compliments.

"Fucking Carol," I throw the fork onto the mostly finished pie tin, startling Daniel as I do, "I cannot believe her! You would think her of all people would know to keep her mouth shut but nooo~, she too damn proud of herself. She had to pat herself on the back and tell fucking everyone!." I toss the tin onto the coffee table, crossing my arms as I shake my head.

"What did Carol say," he asks worriedly. I finally look at Daniel, taking in his robotic form. Looking at every wire, screw, light, and hard plastic cover.

"She told everyone about you. Told everyone about her 'wonderful creation that is living with Tracey'," I nearly shout. His animated brows furrow, cocking his head at me.

"Does that bother you that Carol told people about me?" he looks almost offended now.

"I'm not mad about you but what she said about you. She apparently let it drop that I was 'involved' with you. Which led to a bunch of snarky comments and inappropriate questions all through lunch."

"Like what," he asks.

"'Couldn't find a real man, huh? Just had to build one?' 'You do know sex toys aren't people, right?' 'so stuck in her work that she married it, how funny.' Then my favorite from cousin Ethan, 'Do you think I could borrow him for myself? Must be one hell of a lay if you're developing feelings for it.'. Just the most disrespectful shit! Then what could I say? I couldn't be like 'no, it's not like that. He is practically human.' no one would have believed me, just consider me insane," I rant. I'm ready to blow a gasket just remembering the most embarrassing lunch I've ever been to. I even had relatives offering to set me up with their coworker's sons or friends. Like, holy hell!

As I'm stewing in my own anger I don’t notice Daniel folding into himself. I curiously look him over, noticing the most human gestures. He is holding his elbows, tilting his head away, and projecting a worried look on his screen.

"Daniel," I ask softer than I've been all day," you ok?" he glances up at me for a moment, turning back down to the floor.

"Do you wish you had something more real? A human boyfriend instead of me," he asks. His words twists my heart.

"Of course not," I answer. The question, to me, sounds absurd. At first I had the same idea, not till I got to know him did it no longer bother me.

"But," he hesitates," you can't take me out to places. Can't do all the social things like take couples photos with me or meet the family." he picks at the plastic on his arm, his fingers taping with soft clicks. His shoulders slump before he speaks again, breaking my heart even more. "I'm not," he pauses," real."

I watch him dumbfounded. I haven't thought of his insecurities, not even thinking he had any. He has always been so confident, even when he first got here he held himself with firmness.

I stand from the couch, and walk to him. I know just answering won't be enough. His animated eyes follow me, looking up with his head tilted back. I reach out and cup his face with both hands. I can feel the slight warmth radiating from his screen, nearly smiling as he nuzzles his face to my palm.

"Daniel," I start," There is nothing more real or loved than you. I would rather spend the rest of my time with you than have to tolerate a single conversation with another human. Don't you even doubt for a second that I would want some lousy man over everything you have to offer. I love you, and not because I think you are something that you aren't. I love my sexy robot boyfriend." I lean down, pressing my forehead to his. I watch as his eyes seemingly twinkle with admiration. His arms unfold and pull me closer, guiding my legs around his so I can settle on his lap.

"Thank you, Tracey," he just barely whispers. I lean down and press a kiss to his cheek, running my fingers down to his neck to hold his wires. He does his own form of a kiss, rubbing his screen to my forehead. I rest my head on his shoulder, fiddling with his cords between my fingers. I press short kisses to his screen, knowing he enjoys them so.

"Besides," I chuckle," I don't think normal men can turn into a vibrator." he sits up, leaning back to look down at me. He wears an amused but shocked face.

"Tracey, am I just a sex toy to you," he pretends offense," I say, perhaps your cousin Ethan will cherish me more than you are."

I bark out a laugh," shut up. He isn't allowed to have you." I continue chuckling as he rubs his screen to my cheek, groping my hips as he does.

"And no one is allowed to have you," he purrs. I pet along his head, clenching my thighs around his.

"I like it when you get possessive," I grin. He watches me from the corner of his eyes.

"And I like it when you grind into my lap," he pushes my hips into his. I playful swat as his hands, more content at sitting here for a moment longer. He catches on and sits back on the chair, pulling me close to lay against his chest.

We sit there in comfortable silence, holding each other. He pets along my back, tracing his fingers on the part of my spine open to the air. I run my nails over his chest, scratching at the plastic.

"I'm sorry you had a bad day with your family," he breaks the silence.

"meh, at least I have a great boyfriend to make it all better," I smile up at him. He grins back, leaning down for a kiss. Screen meets lips in a heartwarming embrace.

"Love you," he mumbles against me.

"love you too," I answer back.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Someone on my Archive asked for another Tracey and Daniel story. so while babysitting a child who bit me, i wrote this short story.

Check out my Archive | Masterlist | Main blog

[raccoonpoptart]

wanted to share this scenario idea bcs it's adorable ;; it's where the reader accidentally made a mistake in casting a spell, ehich resulted in them turning into an animal! i'm wondering how the characters would react to them huhu

YESSS THIS IS SO CUTE THANKYOU 🌸✨ this is so funny to think about honestly could you imagine suddenly turning into an animal? personally if i turned into a raccoon i would never want to be human again 🦝🦝🦝

☼

that’s not how that goes...

warnings: none! wholesome times tonight <3

some of the animal choices are obvious but others are...just for giggles 🐝 hope you like it! ✨

Earlier at the market y/n got some new ingredients to use in a spell, but had to substitute a few obscure things with more easily accesible items. With nothing but hope in their heart (that they wouldn’t absolutely ruin anything important), they made their way home.

It wasn’t until about halfway through the spell that y/n realized something was a bit...off. The smell just seemed a bit more potent, and the color was a little more unexpected than usual. Magic was strange like that, so they shrugged and threw the last ingredient in the bowl. Poof! Smoke went everywhere and y/n was covered in green dust.

Suddenly, everything grew so much bigger in the shop and y/n began to panic. Asra wouldn’t be home for a few hours! What were they supposed to do? Their heart raced as they walked to the nearest mirror. They realized that it wasn’t the shop that got bigger, it was them who got smaller. Uh oh...

alright gamers lets do this

Asra

when he came home he looked everywhere for you and when he saw the mess you made he started to panic a little

he had no idea what you were trying to do but the fact that you weren’t around was...really unsettling

“mc?? where are you? please come back...”

suddenly he felt something slip up his arm and squeeze...

“oh, hi, faust...did you s-”

what looked back at him wasn’t those red eyes he was used to but instead it was two big purple eyes

he was about to scream (because who wouldn’t freak out over a random snake) when he heard your voice in his head

i think i messed up the spell :(

he laughed softly and placed a soft kiss on your head and assured you if he couldn’t fix it, it would probably wear off anyway

spoiler alert it took almost a whole day for it to wear off but he enjoyed having you wrap around him whenever he went anywhere

faust thought it was the best thing ever, she would wrap around asra’s left arm and you would be on his right

Bite the goat!

(i was so tempted to do a fox but i thought it would be cute to sorta be like a chimes and flamel moment)

Nadia

when she was told that a lynx had been spotted sneaking around the palace she was a little worried

lynx are not common, so of course she wanted to see! but when the lynx ran up to her and started to rub against her and purr?? she was very confused

it wasn’t until she saw your eyes that she realized it was you! but didn’t really know how she knew...it was just her intuition she guessed

she just assumed something magical happened and hugged you

loved when you followed her around the palace because everyone was so afraid, or just had a puzzled look on their face

when you would meowl (or, yell for lack of a better word) she would smile and kiss your head then laugh if anyone around her got scared

would talk to you like normal even if you couldn’t properly answer, she just assumed any noise you’d make was a response

complimented your ears and thick coat then offered to brush your fur (she wanted to hear you purr again)

she enjoyed having you around all day and once you were back to normal she asked so many questions

Julian

another damn raven had taken a liking to him and he was ready to leave vesuvia again

he facepalmed as malak and this new bird had started messing with his hair and squawking

meanwhile you found it pretty funny how he accepted it so quickly and waited a while before having malak tell julian

you and malak had continued to bother julian for a few hours but once he got annoyed you had malak explain and julian just laughed and asked if malak had run into a window again

when you softly pecked his nose and rubbed against his face he blushed softly

“ah, well...at least it’s temporary. it is temporary, right? please tell me it won’t last forever!”

boi was a bit stressed because now he felt like he had to look after you but malak told him to *ahem* buzz off we’ll say cause he was having so much fun

found the looks he got a bit funny because of course having two ravens follow you everywhere would look strange (CAN I MAKE A NORSE MYTHOLOGY JOKE PLS.....TWO RAVENS = ODIN LMAO)

once the spell wore off he held you close and let out a sigh of relief,,, “darling, you make a beautiful bird but please don’t scare me like that again <3”

Muriel

ignore the part where it says the shop got bigger, for this it got smaller ok thanks <3

inanna had been gone a while so he went out to find her

instead found her outside playing with a......bear?

he closed his eyes and exhaled then turned to go back inside to avoid dealing with another unexplainable thing

but inanna dragged him over to the bear and he just stared as the bear stared back

woof! “inanna that makes no sense, it’s not mc”

then the bear hugged him and he blushed but didn’t pull away because why else would a bear have silver fur and pink eyes

you couldn’t exactly fit in his hut so he decided to just sit outside with you. he assumed that a spell went wrong because the same thing had happened to asra before

“so, mc... do you think this is permanent?” you grunted in response and placed a paw on his head

it was a bit awkward but he laughed softly and placed a hand on your head (wholesome mountain man :( i would die for him...)

watching you catch fish was hilarious to him considering you couldn’t do it by yourself a few months ago, but made sure to keep an eye on you anyway

he liked that you were taller than him for a bit and felt safe when you would hug him, even if the sight of it would seem strange but was happy when you were back to normal (now he can kiss the top of your head and hold your hands properly)

Portia

walked into her cottage and stopped in her tracks

she was face to face a puma and her heart started racing, she was about to run until she saw pepi run up onto the bigger cat’s head and headbutt her

“pepi.....can you please explain who this is quickly” she was trying not to freak out in case the giant cat would attack her

in response pepi started to purr and rubbed against the cat and was surprised when the big cat started to purr too

she thought that maybe pepi had somehow made a new friend? and just was grateful that it didn’t eat her

you had to lead her back to the shop and show her the mess as well as the pile of your clothes on the ground for her to understand

“mc :3 does that mean you’re technically naked?~” she poked your side and laughed when you made a slightly annoyed noise

absolutely loved how everyone ran at the sight of her with a puma and walked with a bit more confidence “i feel like the main character in a story! strong, beautiful woman with her most trusted cats at her side!”

you wished you could laugh but you loved how adorable she was and also you were amazed at how even though you were walking, pepi stayed asleep on your back

after work the next day she found you asleep in her bed wearing some of her clothes and she smiled so big as she hugged you tight

Lucio

“can somebody please explain why the hell a damn PEACOCK IS IN MY ROOM???”

as he raised his voice, the bird puffed up its feathers and started to squawk which freaked him out but it just walked up to him and stared

he was so confused but was thankful the bird wasn’t attacking him so he tried talking to it

“uhhhh- hello there, aren’t you beautiful? are you an albino? your white feathers are gorgeous” you puffed up your chest at the compliments and expanded your tail feathers

he smiled and tried to pet your tail feathers “you aren’t so scary now, how’d you get in here?” he didn’t really think to ask anyone because the only person he could think of was asra and he didn’t want to talk to him

mercedes and melchior liked the bird so why shouldn’t he? he shrugged and just let you follow him around all day, talking to you like you were another one of his pets (which was annoying but you liked the compliments althought they were new, obviously you didn’t normally have feathers)

the spell wore off in the middle of the night he went from having two dogs and a bird in his bed to having two dogs....and YOU!! just when he thought being with you couldn’t have brought more surprises and weird stories

he gave you his shirt and laughed as you explained what happened ,, “well, it’s good it was temporary! if i never saw you as a human again i don’t know what i would do”

☼

that was so fun!! omg i love writing weird stuff like this 🍓 anyway, i hope you liked it! i’m thinking about writing a story where mc can turn into animals on the regular but we’ll see ✨✨ now i wish i could turn into an animal for a day lmao

[gale-gentlepenguin]

ML Fic: Soulmate Survey Part 7

(Master post)

_______________________________________________________________________

Alya was waiting  patiently for her best friend at the front of the school.

Marinette had texted her this morning about what happened yesterday and Alya wants... no NEEDS details.

“Of course she is late.” Alya sighed. The ladyblogger knew how her friend can be sometimes.

But as if on cue, Marinette came running full speed. She stopped short of the steps, avoiding crashing into them.

Alya made her way to her friend. A knowing smile on her face.

“Overslept?” Alya inquired.

“I actually got up early today.” Marinette responded. “I wanted to answer those questions as soon as possible.”

“And?”

“Still triple digits.” Marinette smiled. “I got so happy that I started daydreaming... which then turned into actual dreaming.”

Alya laughed. 

“Speaking of dreams, sounds like you are living one of yours.” Alya commented. “Which I would really like to hear details of now that you are out of your head.”

Marinette regaled Alya about yesterday as they started walking into the school. Marinette explained how Adrien asked her about her thoughts on the app, how they both believed there was something more to it, and how if the profile doesn't change in 2 weeks that they should try it out. 

Alya nudging her best friend as Marinette turned bright red.

“And then he asks you out that night. Are you sure that you are both waiting until the profile finishes?” Alya teased. “Because I think the model found his soulmate.”

“It isn't a date! He just asked if I wanted to go to the interview with him. If I didn't go, he would have asked Nino.” Marinette flusteredly explained. “Though I was happy that I was his first choice. Just us going to the interview right after school, thats it.”

“Sounds like he is falling for you. But he is wrong if he thinks you are going there as you are normally.” Alya answered.

Marinette looked at her in confusion.

“What do you mean?”

“You are going tomorrow looking your best. We are going to make that boy smack his head on the floor falling head over heels for you.” Alya elaborated with a confident smile.

Marinette stopped.

“W-W-Wait! That might be too much. He never said it was a date! If I show up looking out of the ordinary, it might make him think I am going into this too quickly.” Marinette stammered.

“Trust me girl. If he finds it weird, just say that you didn't want to look bad in case they did put you on camera. Adrien understands how important appearances are.” Alya responded. “Its a fair reason.”

Marinette had to admit it was a sneaky yet clever reason.

“Wait you said we? You didn't tell the girls about the...”

“They don't know about the compatibility score, but they know about your ‘Not Date’ “ Alya said with finger quotes around the words ‘Not Date’. “They are on board and we will make you look amazing.”

Marinette smiled at her friend.

“You are a really the bestest friend ever. Thanks Alya.” Marinette praised.

“Hey, I am just looking out for my girl. Now lets hurry to class before..”

The late bell rang loudly alerting the two that they were late.

_______________________________________________________________________

Adrien was worried. Nino had told him it wasn't that big of a deal. But Nino didn't understand how Lila actually was. The model remembered how she used every little bit of information to get into the Agreste Mansion, how easily she twisted the truth, how she got Nathalie and his bodyguard in trouble. Then there was the way she took that photo. Nino didn't know what Chat noir knew about Lila.

If it was not for the late bell he would have explained situation to the Dj, he had a feeling if he does explain Nino might believe him. He was both relieved and annoyed that Lila was not in school that day. Adrien didn't bother paying attention to what the reason was, he knew it was likely a lie while most of the class felt bad and was wishing her she felt better. He will have to ‘Talk’ with Lila later, at least this absence will give him time to approach her composed and calm. 

Thankfully something sweet and kind did help bring him back to earth. Marinette walking through the door. She and Alya apologized to Ms.Bustier about their tardiness before taking seats. He found himself smiling at her when she looked his way. He noticed her smile back, it eleviated stress from him. Until he the shattering realization of Lila having that list could entail.

Marinette was on the top of that list, that compatibility list could become a hit list if Lila shows the right people. That made Lila’s absence all the more mortifying. He needed to warn her.

Adrien made a mental task list of who he needed to talk to. 1st was Marinette, she needed to be told about Lila seeing and possibly having the list. He wasn't sure how she would react to it, but better then having her find out later. 2nd. Nino, and possibly Alya to make sure they know what Lila is capable of, a mistake he needs to rectify. Lastly there is Lila, she needs to delete that list, and then Adrien would have a talk to her about Lying.

_______________________________________________________________________

Class finished fast as Adrien was lost in thought. He noticed his best friend had moved to talk with his girlfriend. Leaving a surprised and nervous Marinette and Adrien in their seats. The class had cleared out leaving the two by themselves.

Adrien began to get up from his seat, gathering his things, as Marinette touched him on his shoulder.

“Hey Marinette. How is it going?” Adrien greeted.

“Are you okay?” Marinette questioned.

Adrien looked at her with surprise.

Marinette realized she had kept her hair on his shoulder still. She quickly removed it looking flustered.

“What do you mean? I am fine.” Adrien replied with a rehearsed smile.

“You seemed really out of it this morning, you looked kind of upset. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” Marinette answered. Her concern was overshadowing her nervousness.

Adrien’s rehearsed smile faded. Marinette was worried about him, she could tell he was upset and she was checking up on him. She always had a knack for noticing when people were hurting. I wouldn't expect less of my everyday ladybug

Adrien blinked as that thought crossed his mind. He was getting ahead of himself, he needed to focus on what he was going to say to Marinette.

“Thank you Marinette. I just found out some rather disturbing news.” Adrien answered.

Marinette’s heart sank. Adrien was clearly worried and it hurt her to see him like this.

“Lila saw my list.” Adrien stated. “She saw my compatibility list.”

Marinette blinked unsure of how to take it. Lila was sneaky and devious, so any information that she has or holds over someone is dangerous. But part of her couldn't help but find funny, Lila knows that She and Adrien are 100% compatible, Marinette wondered if that made Lila mad. It was kind of amusing, but also the realistic issues started coming to light which put that thought to bed.

“How did she find out?” Marinette questioned.

“She used Nino’s phone, texting me pretending to be him. Then she tried to cover her tracks. I would hate to think what would happen if I didn't ask Nino about it this morning.” Adrien explained.

“That manipulative witch!” Marinette explained. “How could she use Nino like that? It was bad enough the invasion of privacy, but getting Nino involves is even worse.”

Marinette realized she had just insulted Lila right in front of Adrien. Adrien wasn't one for badmouthing people, she would need to apologize.

“Sorry, I got carried away...”

“No, you don't need to apologize.” Adrien assured. 

“Lying about herself to look good is one thing, those lies will catch up to her sooner or later. “ Adrien continued. “But manipulating my friends and using them just to find out... it is gross.”

Marinette watched in surprise as she saw Adrien get visibly mad.

“After that time she lied to get into my house, she got Nathalie and my bodyguard in trouble, and her actions resulted in Kagami getting akumatized. I told Lila that I would try and be a friend so long as she didn't try hurting the people I loved but she just proved that she wasn't willing to listen.” Adrien spoke with frustration. Marinette could see how hurt he felt.

Adrien took a calming breath before he continued speaking. “I know I said that we shouldn't confront her because it won't change her and only make it so she would be akumatized, but I was wrong. I need to be firm with Lila, and I am sorry I have been enabling her for this long.”

Marinette felt her emotional distress about Lila lighten as she heard his words. She had been quiet about Lila because he requested it. Aside from what happened with Kagami, Lila wasn't really doing any harm that she was aware of, but she did think that Adrien was being naive in not confronting her.

“Its okay Adrien. It just that it was not the right way to go about it. You try and see the good in everyone and you wanted to give Lila a chance.  Your heart was in the right place and It is one of the reasons I lo-LIKE, one of the reasons why I like talking with you.” Marinette stumbled before recovering. She almost confessed that she was in love with him.

Adrien smiled at her sweetly.

“I appreciate that Marinette. Thank you.” 

“As for the list, I don't think she can really do anything with it, unless she was on the list in some way... Was she?” Marinette asked nervously, using her concern to snap her out of the blushing state she was in.

“I didn't see her on the list. And honestly I hope she never is on it. I also don't know what she will do with it, but I do think she will use it to hurt someone.” Adrien answered. “ And I don't want that someone to be you.”

Marinette felt like this boy might just keep her in a state of blushing as he said that. His last sentence smacking her heart.

“Okay. But what should we do?” Marinette inquired.

“Well first I want to make sure Nino and Alya know what is going on with Lila. They have been trusting her way and thats what caused this situation. That is something I wanted to talk with Nino about.” Adrien answered. “Then, I am going to confront Lila about all of this. She needs to know I won't be enabling her any longer. She needs to come clean about everything.”

Marinette looked at Adrien with warmth in her eyes. His green eyes showing a fierce sense of justice and loyalty that made her heartbeat quicken. He was going to confront Lila, he had her back. 

His eyes are just like chat noir’s 

Marinette felt that thought sneak up on her out of nowhere, her mind flashing to chat noir for a moment and a blush creeping on her face.

Why am I thinking of that cat now of all times?

_______________________________________________________________________

“Nino if this is about playing super penguino during Lunch I can't, Marinette has a date with Adrien and I gotta help her.” Alya mentioned.

“No this isn't about that.” Nino responded “It’s about... wait Marinette has a date with Adrien? When did that happen?”

“Last night. He asked Marinette to go with him to a tv interview.” Alya answered.

“Oh wow, good for him. I guess seeing that compatibility test gave him that kick of confidence he needed. I gotta congratulate him later.” Nino spoke as he smiled.

“Yea, which is why I have to make sure to work with Mari to ensure many more dates after. Oh, so you saw Adrien’s List? Who is number two? Is it close to Marinette? I doubt it but it will be good to know for later.” 

Nino remembered why he wanted to talk with Alya out here.

“Crap, I almost forgot. Look, Adrien’s list got peeked on by someone that shouldn't have seen it.” Nino explains, now his face more serious then before.

Alya’s mood shifted to a mix of curious and angry.

“What? Thats such an invasion of privacy. How did it happen? Who is the culprit?” Alya interrogated, her ‘Investigator mode’ had been flipped on.

“It was Lila.” Nino answered.

Alya’s expression softened.

“Oh, then things shouldn't be so bad. At least it wasn't someone like Chloé.  Lila was asking me yesterday if I knew who was on Marinette’s list, she wanted to help set her up with someone on the list. Lila probably was going to try and do the same for Adrien.” 

Nino rubbed his neck nervously.

“About that... If it was like a peek over his shoulder or something I wouldn't call it a big deal. But the way she found out was kind of twisted.” Nino confessed.

The ladybloger tilted her head inquisitively.

“What did she do to find out?”

Nino explained how he had her watching Chris while he went out to buy his new headphones. 

“Which look very nice by the way. Its a sweet upgrade.” Alya complimented.

“Glad you like them. I almost went for the previous model but these ones... Anyway point being she asked to use my phone while hers was charging.”

“Makes sense, I have used your phone to message my mom before.” Alya responded, not understanding what the Dj is throwing down.

“While I wasn't looking, Lila pretended to be me and tricked Adrien into sending a photo of the list to my phone. Then she deleted the conversation.”

Alya blinked.

“Wait she did what now?”

“She deceived Adrien to get his list, she used my friendship with Adrien to get that list. Lila maybe doing this so she could set Adrien up with someone on the list, but the way she got that information is giving me some real bad vibes. I wouldn't have even known if Adrien didn't show me proof of the text exchange.” Nino summarized.

Alya processed what Nino had told her. She started thinking about everything Marinette had been saying about the Lila, the that photo of her kissing Adrien’s cheek. It felt like there was a connection.

“You don't think...”

“Adrien wasn't exactly thrilled when I told him Lila knew. He was actually uncharacteristically mad about it. It was weird.” Nino answered.

Alya crossed her arms, there was a lot of evidence pointing at Lila, but she needed to confirm this for sure. The expression is ‘innocent until proven guilty’. This could all be one massive misunderstanding with Lila just having different concepts of privacy and personal space that just need a quick correction. The blogger has been burned enough times to know not to jump the gun as quickly as she had in the past, like the incident when she thought Chloé was Ladybug. A good reporter confirms her sources, she needed to confirm this about Lila. If the evidence was right, then Alya owed Marinette several apologies for doubting her, and she owed Lila a tongue lashing.

_______________________________________________________________________

“Yea Mom I will be sure to drink plenty of fluids. Yes, I have the doctor’s number in case something should happen. Okay. Love you too.” Lila concluded her call with her mother.

She had decided to stay home after her exchange with Mr.Agreste. Her mother was out on business so acting sick was an easy way to get out of class. She was panicking. She had thought she was playing this right, but this only made things worse.

All because she was rattled by that stupid list. 100%, 100 fucking percent!! She needed to calm down. She was making rash actions. She just needed to calm down.

She told Mr. Agreste about the list, but he did not seem as bothered by it as she wanted him to be, he looked more interested then furious. She was so uncertain of if the fashion mogul would even do anything with that information.

Marinette was never a threat to her before. Marinette had tried calling her out before and Lila was able to easily sidestep her attempts. Lila made sure the brat knew her place, but she would occasionally find Marinette snooping on her, not that it ever matter. But now with this, Marinette had the advantage and Lila could not accept that

She needed to be more cunning, find a way to cast doubt in Marinette and Adrien’s minds about this app. She should turn the whole school against the app. She should force Marinette to fill out her quiz and make it so she is on the list.

Lila paused. That last one was an good idea. She would have Marinette fill out her quiz. If Marinette did it, then She was on equal playing ground with her and then she could easily mop the floor with her. If Marinette refused, she had the perfect means of blackmail, she had Adrien’s List. One word and she can spread it across the internet. She could have Adrien’s fans knocking at Marinette’s doorstep and tearing her apart. Everything seemed so much clearer now.

Lila smiled sinisterly as she thought of that. Yes, this is what she was going to do. Tomorrow is a new day and she was going to be back on track.

_______________________________________________________________________

Part 7 is finished I am loving all of this awesome feedback and you guys keep me inspired to keep writing this. Things are gonna go down I have plans for the next few parts and I am kind of excited so long as everyone is interested.

Please Keep up that amazing feedback. I love seeing those notes and comments, It really feeds my impulsive need to write. 

Oh also, People are asking to get tagged. So if you want me to tag you. Just Reblog this part and I will ensure you are tagged in the next part

[x--daughters-of-darkness--x]

Employed To Serve are putting British metal back on top

For the past decade, Justine Jones and Sammy Urwin of Employed To Serve have helped elevate British rock and metal both on and off the stage, from Album Of The Year releases to their championing of new bands. Now, with fourth full-length Conquering on the horizon, the pay-off is being felt across the entire scene…

Some years ago now, at the end of her last job in retail, Justine Jones made a decision. Providing she could eat and had a roof over her head, she wasn’t, she told herself, going to spend her life doing anything that was “un-fun”. Instead, Justine decided, she’d navigate the world by working hard on the things she loved and that she truly believed in.

“I’ve never been content to be a cog,” she says. ​“I’ve always wanted to be like a very heavily involved person. I like having a say, I guess. I’ve never liked having a manager, in terms of work. I have got that childish, rebellious thing, like, ​‘Don’t tell me what to do.’”

Employed To Serve are not cogs. Nor are Justine and guitarist Sammy Urwin ones to sit around and wait for the lights to go green. With what the singer calls ​“our Hatebreed, perseverance attitude”, a self-starting, hands-dirty, DIY ethos that’s as much about enthusiasm for music and building a scene as it is firing up pits, they have become one of the most exciting British metal bands of the past decade. When Oli Sykes invited them to join the Bring Me The Horizon-curated All Points East festival two summers ago, he noted that they were ​“one of the few heavy bands around who I actually like”.

Kerrang! had got there before him, mind. In 2017, we crowned Employed To Serve’s second album, The Warmth Of A Dying Sun, our Album Of The Year. Its follow-up, 2019’s Eternal Forward Motion, was awarded a full 5K rating and a spot on our front cover, their second. When they gave us the nod a while ago that they were about to drop the first single from their brilliant fourth album, Conquering, coming this September, we didn’t even need to think about giving them a third.

Like Oli’s band, there’s an energy to Employed To Serve, an orbit around them that feels like it’s pulling in other bands, linking seemingly unlinked outfits together through sheer enthusiasm. Beyond the band, offstage, Justine and Sammy run Church Road Records from their home in the Surrey commuter town of Woking (a place notably annihilated by Martians in H.G. Wells’ War Of The Worlds). Through this, they can sign and put out music by bands that they like: the only real signing policy amounting to ​“bands that excite me”, says Justine. There’s as much gratefulness towards the artists they release – Svalbard, Palm Reader, Cruelty, to name but three – for trusting them to look after their records, as there is to anyone who gives their own band the time of day.

“As cheesy as it sounds, we’re lifers,” says Justine. ​“I love music. I love releasing it. I love that I do it for a full time job. I love playing live. First and foremost, we are music fans. Obviously, we love being in a band and stuff. But we just live and breathe music.”

As with so many things for so many people, the depth of this dedication was thrown into sharp focus as COVID took hold last year. At the end of 2019, Employed To Serve were on a winning streak. Eternal Forward Motion was one of the year’s most acclaimed releases, they band had spent a month on the road with Bury Tomorrow in Europe and the UK, and on New Year’s Eve, Sammy and Justine put a bow on their long-term relationship by tying the knot. In March 2020, just before lockdown ended touring for everyone, the band’s UK headlining run just about snuck in, and saw them sell out London’s Camden Underworld, a show that ended in chaos with the audience onstage triumphantly carrying Sammy on their shoulders.

When things ground to a halt, the gap left was palpable. Once source of reflection came in taking stock in what the band had achieved, while also having to find a replacement for guitarist Richard Jacobs. It’s an exercise the pair are admittedly used to, to the point where Justine says, ​“We probably look like dictators, like it’s the Sammy and Justine show.”

To wit, keen observers will note that they are the only members of Employed To Serve to be on both this Kerrang! cover and the last one. There’s no bad blood anywhere – Richard left to move to Japan with his wife, drummer Robbie Back has become a dad, bassist Marcus Gooda went on to focus on other things – it was simply the wage of getting older in a band. When life’s forks come up, you have to make a choice. For Sammy and Justine, the choice just happens to be to stay the course. Three new members have been drafted into the band – guitarist David Porter, bassist Nathan Pryor and drummer Casey McHale – but it still provided a moment of reflection for what was actually important.

Another, more serious bit of stock-taking came last September, when Justine resigned from her job as a label manager at Holy Roar records, after serious assault allegations were made against the label’s owner. Soon after, that label folded entirely.

But in both cases, where events could have sown doubt or caused serious damage, things instead bloomed. And so, Sammy and Justine turned Church Road – a small concern of Sammy’s for years already – into a full-time occupation and livelihood, taking on Holy Roar releases already on the slate and pressed, and releasing them herself. In the case of their first release, Svalbard’s When I Die, Will I Get Better?, there was barely a month to move everything over, and yet it still hit the shelves on the day it was always intended to. Because, looking back, it’s almost like there was no other consideration than to carry on.

“When everything happened, I thought, ​‘Maybe I could go to a bigger label or something.’ But that’s not where my heart is,” says Justine. ​“My heart is in finding bands in tiny little venues and then helping them grow into their second hours and stuff. And it’s just more fun. Obviously, it’s very scary [running your own label], and I’ve spent a lot of this past year very stressed. But I don’t have to answer to anyone – I just do the best I can for the bands because I love them. My favourite thing is sitting on Bandcamp with a coffee or a beer, and going through each genre finding the best bands of that day, or going through Apple Music or Spotify and finding new bands. It has been like that since I was a kid. So doing a record label just makes sense.

“Obviously I wish it was under better circumstances, but COVID has been almost like a blessing for this band, because it’s helped us regroup,” she continues. ​“It made us take stock of all the cool shit we’ve been lucky enough to do. Because sometimes when you get caught in the rat race of everything, you’re never really living in the moment. And then COVID happens, and you think, ​‘What do I miss?’ Friends, family, playing shows. And I’m like, ​‘Cool, I’m doing the right thing. Let’s get back to it.’”

For Justine, this meant becoming the boss. For Sammy, already a music obsessive with an apparent addiction to both old-school death metal and playing guitar in as many bands as possible as a member of Renounced and Motormouth (as well as playing in Glorious with Justine), it was an opportunity to dedicate his life to his passion even further. A gardener by trade, he’d lately found himself wondering what was beyond it.

“I was doing gardening work on and off for the last 10 or so years. I enjoyed the work, but sometimes I would kind of find myself being a little bit like, ​‘What’s the five-year plan?’” he says. ​“I’ll always do the band. But we got a few members going off and doing other stuff. I knew I had to find something else to do, because I wanted to do something in music that also fit around being in the band. I just knew I wanted to be with like-minded people talking about music all day.”

Sammy and Justine talk about music a lot. Get Sammy started on metal, and his enthusiasm quickly runs away with him. For Justine, their impending gig at Download Pilot a couple of days after our interview is as much about watching everyone else as it is their own show. Though one of the heaviest bands on the line-up, as a showcase of the breadth of rising talent the British rock scene has, appearing on the same ticket as Enter Shikari, Trash Boat, Creeper, Boston Manor, Neck Deep, Loathe and Conjurer is a large-scale version of what they’ve been driving at for years.

“It’s so funny, because it kind of sounds weird, but within the British scene, it makes total sense,” says Justine. ​“It’s a very rich scene at a minute, and it’s for all spectrums. You have bands like Orchards and Gender Roles on the Big Scary Monsters label, but equally, there’s loads of heavier bands, too. Everyone knows how hard it can be being a British band, because it’s hard to get over to America. And now, unfortunately, it’s gonna be hard to get to Europe [after Brexit]. So everyone’s got this thing like, ​‘We’re this little island here and we need to stick together and support each other.’ It’s a nice collective, and a moment in time to be a part of.”

“Even though we’ve written a more metal record [with Conquering] for us, that’s definitely not a statement of us closing the door,” says Sammy. ​“Obviously we’d love to tour with Gojira or Lamb Of God or something like that. But if Creeper came to us and said, ​‘Do you want to tour with us?’ we’d say yes.”

It was on such a line-up that Justine first appeared on the cover of Kerrang!, alongside Becky Blomfield of much-missed alt.punks Milk Teeth, with whom ETS were touring at the time. It not only showed two rising talents in the British scene, but also how well such different ends of it slotted together. Which was kind of the point.

“We were like the little metal sandwich in that tour,” says Justine. ​“But we worked well, because it was an example of this sort of British scene that’s going on at the moment.”

“People turned up who would be wearing ETS T‑shirts, and then singing along with Milk Teeth and vice versa,” says Sammy. ​“That’s so cool to see. Obviously there’s still a little bit of gatekeeping going on in the world of metal. But, for me, that was a really good sign of a shift.”

“It makes total sense. I don’t know why it’s not more of a thing, having mixed bills like that,” says Justine. ​“Everyone in our generation grew up listening to Slipknot and blink-182; two polarising bands, but it makes total sense. I listen to both of them religiously. So that actually kind of makes sense in a bill. It’s literally a music fan’s show. I remember Thursday opening for My Chemical Romance at Wembley on The Black Parade tour when I was 14, and Reuben opening for Billy Talent as well. I literally got to get into heavier stuff from those mixed line-ups.”

Put it to either of them that between their music, DIY attitude and simple lust for wanting to marshall a scene without walls, Employed To Serve could be called leaders, or at least the setters of examples for others to follow, and it’s a compliment they’ll take, but also something that they don’t want to take too much credit for.

“I mean, it’s for others to say, isn’t it?” says Justine. ​“We just have mental to-do list of stuff we want to achieve. And if that inspires people, that’s sick. It’s never like we try to be the leaders or anything.

“At the end of the day, I love the idea of kids getting into metal because of us and vice versa.”

As such an entry point, Conquering is a very good one. Ultra heavy and explosive, it leans even further into Sammy’s love of death metal OGs like Morbid Angel and Death, plus classic thrash, with shredding solos everywhere, as well as more vocals from the guitarist. And not even changing three-fifths of the band since their last album has had anything other than a sharpening effect. Fundamentally, Conquering is exciting, full of energy, and powered by a deep-set love for simply doing it.

“The floodgates have been opened, I guess, in terms of wearing our influences for this record on our sleeve,” says Sammy. ​“I like to think we still maintain the ETS that was there before, but it’s obvious that during lockdown and leading up to this record, for me it was about early Machine Head and Testament and Exodus and stuff. I feel like this is our chance to show that side of us a bit more.”

“It’s where I feel at home, as well, because I grew up listening to early Lamb of God and ​’90s-era Roadrunner Records bands,” adds Justine. ​“Straight-up metal, but not straight-up metal in the sense that we’re doing it by numbers. We sound like us, but there are more choruses and solos.”

“Lyrically, it’s similar to Eternal Forward Motion and touching on some pretty bleak stuff, but for the most part we tried to put a positive spin on it,” says Sammy. ​“I wanted put all of that energy into something positive. I didn’t want to say the same things again, because I didn’t want to make it sound like it’s the same record. I’d say it’s an even more positive record than before.”

The day we meet for this interview, long after the tape recorder goes off, conversation about bands and music continues into the small hours. Three days later, at Download, as Sammy chucks himself into the crowd at the end of the band’s set and Justine alternates between roaring her head off and smiling her face off, the delight in all this is self-evident. Employed To Serve are one of the best metal bands in the country – one of the best bands full stop, in fact – but on a broader scale, they also act as a reflection of an emerging wave of bands for whom being in a band is an act of joy, of doing something with your life, of not settling for things that are, as Justine says, ​“un-fun”.

“Stuff in the band does get to you sometimes and you do get grouchy or whatever,” admits Sammy. ​“But we realised that we’re also very fortunate people who have played with people that have become our best friends. It’s about taking stock and being like, ​‘This is fun.’ That’s what the album is about. It’s about not letting things in your life get the better of you. Because sometimes they do, and you find yourself getting all aggy, and you’re only doing yourself a disservice at that point, really.”

“I think Henry Rollins said, ​‘Tenacity over talent,’” says Justine. ​“We work hard, but it’s tenacity. You could be the sickest guitar player but just sit in your bedroom and never play a show. No.”

“I mean, I do set myself up for it, where I’m kind of pulling my hair out,” adds Sammy. ​“I’ve had times where I’ve had three or four band practices a week. And there’s a gig this night, and a gig that night, and I’ve got to do this, that and the other. But you’ve gotta be in it to win it. And when a cool gig comes about, or cool tour comes about, or you’re just really happy with what you recorded, that’s when you know it’s worth it.”

As they say themselves, Justine and Sammy are lifers. As other members leave to start families or move abroad to begin the next chapter of their lives, rather than feeling left behind, it’s almost made them realise even more quite what a special thing they have.

When it brings you as much happiness as doing this clearly does, what else do you need? And anyway, it’s worth it to not simply be a cog.

[agirlunderarock]

How I accidentally wrote 20 page paper on Boromir for one of my Final Ever University Papers PART 3

 Okay folks so I think we’re a little more than halfway through? I think??? I don’t freaking know this is the exact same feeling I had while writing the paper-

Will I ever come to an end? 

We just don’t know

If you missed Part 1 and Part 2  just click the text and it’ll take you to the link

So where did we leave off last time?

I told you exactly how academics where taking a crap on the goodest boi and so this time I’m going to explain why Faramir is the better character foil. Because instead of using Boromir as foil for say Aragorn or Sam, I say they should be using Faramir. I think specifically I left you guys with this lovely little picture I made myself of their character arcs:

If you can’t read it, I’m sorry its pixilated, thats just how the program gets when you try to make an image that compact to fit on a large presentation poster with an already large image. But anyway the important thing in this image isn’t whether or not you can read the damn thing, no, its that Boromir and Faramir’s character arcs are nearly exactly the same.Boromir and Faramir face political, and familial pressures, and faced with the question of what to do about Frodo and the ring. Both brothers are introduced in places that are supposedly out of their element. Boromir is seemingly described as more prepared for battle and fighting, yet we meet him in a council meeting of all things, and Faramir who is supposed to be #intellectual we meet after he and his men have just conducted a raid on an enemy patrol. They’re later both faced with questions of doubt and what they feel they need to do to protect their people. Denethor asks a lot of them and it takes a toll in some way shape and form. but the main points of their character arc ultimately come down to the conflict of family, country, and the fellowship.

like okay I’m not gonna lie, I really just want to put this picture in here and I have a funny story about how this picture made it in the research project but basically even the movie backs up that Boromir’s real foil is Faramir.

shit what was I saying?

Oh yeah

so basically in this flashback from the two towers we get a good side by side comparison between the brothers. Clearly they look alike, but look at how they’re dressed. Boromir’s in full armor my dudes, sword looks like its partially out of the scabbard- but really the main thing you need to focus on is the costuming in this shot, because the costuming here is, of course a reflection of their roles as military leaders, but also a major reflection of their personalities and really how their character arcs play out as a whole. Boromir is usually on the defensive (note I say defensive not ready to throw down) not just in battle because Mordor is like constantly like “Knock Knock can we come in?” but when he gets the Rivendell too, he’s being defensive because it almost sounds like these people half way across the world are going to forsake his home and the people he loves. So yes, I’d say my boi gets to be a little abrasive and wear emotional armor. He’s got a lot of feelings and he doesn’t get to talk about them because either 1. he’s with his troops or 2 he’s surrounded by people he doesn’t know that well i.e. the fellowship early in the story.

Faramir on the other hand is wearing some pretty light armor. He’s more open than Boromir, and if I remember correctly its said in the book that Faramir had taken to talking with Gandalf often when he was young and stuff- I don’t remember tbh I’m at that point where I haven’t read a book in a year cause I’m so damn tired, and I get canon and fanon mashed up sometimes. But what I’m trying to get at is, Faramir lets himself be open to more ideas, to more people, he’s more trusting of people’s intentions probably that numorian thing that he and Denethor have tbh. So basically what I’m trying to say is the main difference between the two brothers is how they deal with fear and anxiety.

Again Boromir tries to hide and swallow his fear and anxiety- he has to as a military leader shit happens. Faramir, looks for as many plans as he can to relieve some of his fear and anxiety- he’s also a leader shit happens.

So remember back when I said that Aristotle said some bullshit about how betraying your father is like the shittiest thing a person could ever do ever? Or when I said the heroism through obedience is absolute bullshit? If not too bad that was your reminder, though I genuinely don’t remember if I talked about the latter.

Denethor becomes the focal point of how these characters are compared. I say this because there is never a moment in the books were we actually have a conversation with all three of them present, but we know that he makes the same demand of both of his sons, that being find out what Isildure’s Bane is and then find a way to protect Gondor by any means. Not necessarily a bad request, its just HEAVY and the way its delivered in Return of the King is heavy and hurtful. I sir I know your mad stressed but also

YOUR SONS ARE MAD STRESSED SO CAN YOU PLEASE NOT HAVE CONVERSATIONS LIKE THIS:

“‘Your bearing is lowly in my presence, yet it is too long now since you turned from your own way at my counsel. See, you have spoken skillfully, as ever; but I, have I not seen your eye fixed on Mithrandir seeking whether you said well or too much? He has long had your heart in his keeping.

‘My son, your father is old but not yet dotard […]

‘If what I have done displease you, my father,’ said Faramir quietly, ‘I wish I had known your counsel before the burden of so weight a judgement was thrust on me.’

‘Would that have availed to change your judgement?’ said Denethor. ‘You would still have done just so, I deem. I know you well. […]But in desperate hours gentleness may be repaid with death.’

‘So be it,’ said Faramir.

‘So be it!’ cried Denethor. ‘But not with your death only, Lord Faramir: with the death also of your father, and all your people, whom it is your part to protect now that Boromir is gone.’

‘Do you with then,’ said Faramir, ‘that our places had been exchanged?’

‘Yes, I wish that indeed,’ said Denethor. “For Boromir was loyal to me and no wizard’s pupil.” (Return of the King 794-795).

Like thats a big load for two dudes to carry man

Like I get it but thats heavy and I cri for both my bois having to deal with this war their whole life

 But you see what I’m getting at here. Theres a lot of expectations for these boys, and really they just need hugs, and I need a hug rewriting this part into non academic language because it makes me BIG SAD

But whats interesting about the expectation that his sons only be loyal to him, is that in attempting to obey their father, THEY GET FUCKING WRECKED. Boromir ends up scaring Frodo to the point the Fellowship breaks up, and Faramir ends up like almost dying and gets his men wrecked. Now I’m not saying Aristotle is full of bullshit, but he’s full of shit, and I’m gonna learn you why.

So before I say which critic actually puts everyone else to shame by praising two hobbit bois, let me make this clear: Boromir does not die trying to obey his father, he dies actively disobeying him. Instead of trying to find Frodo and still get the ring like Denethor would have wanted, Boromir goes dies defending Merry and Pippin. HE COULD HAVE LEFT THEM IN FAVOR OF GOING AFTER THE RING BUT HE’S A GOOD MAN WHO WANTED HIS HOBBIT CHILDREN WHO ARE TECHNICALLY JUST AS OLD AS HIM TO GET AWAY AND BE SAFE AND HE DIED. Faramir on the other hand nearly dies while trying to carry out his father’s orders and thats tragic but again- shit happens.

According to no braincells Aristotle, one of these is right, even with the tragic outcome and one is wrong and deserved to die.

WRONG

In Ian Romuald Lakowski’s, "Types of Heroism in The Lord of the Rings," he acknowledges that through Merry and Pippin there is heroism in DISOBEDIENCE. For Boromir and Faramir this means obedience or disobedience is not a simple right or wrong choice, and in both of them being disobedient to their father is a more sure sign of their heroism.

I mean think about it, the very action every critic characterizes Boromir for is based off of his obedience to his father. He’s villainized for trying to take the ring from Frodo, when the reality is, the man was struggling with trying to figure out what the right course of action was. ITS THE SAME REASON FARAMIR TAKES SO DAMN LONG TO FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO WITH FRODO AND SAM. THEY DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

So what ends up happening? Faramir is praised a good guy for disobeying, and really in the end the real Boromir comes back when he disobeys Denethor too.

But we’ll come back to some of that in a bit,

Because STRESS is not enough to bind these two as better foils than other comparison that can be made. Because again, critics like to praise Faramir and elevate him and I’m not about to put them against each other.

Like despite their differences Boromir and Faramir’s relationship with one another isn’t characterized by fear or power or even that #stress but genuine love for one another. And this is important, because though no critics ever sighted a page for their reading of Boromir as a greedy little shit, I believe their interpretation comes from second hand accounts of his character. Instead of actually looking at what he says and does to be his true self.  They characterize Boromir by his single action of trying to take the ring from Frodo instead of looking at him as a whole.

Boromir’s relationship with his brother is incredibly important because given the circumstances and everything that they’ve been through and even though they have very different thought processes, they should have a rocky relationship, but  they don’t. They have a very good relationship.The appendices give a nice description of the things we never got to see happen in the book

“…there was great love, and had been since childhood, when Boromir was the helper and protector of Faramir. No jealousy or rivalry had arisen between them since, for their father’s favour or for the praise of men. It did not seem possible to Faramir that any one in Gondor could rival Boromir, her of Denethor, Captain of the White Tower; and of like mind was Boromir” (1032).

Actually

I take it back

Never say never get to see because in the council of Elrond, Boromir literally shows us his relationship with his brother and what kind of person he is. 

“ Therefore my brother, seeing how desperate was our need, was eager to heed the dream and seek for Imadris; but since the way was fully of doubts and danger, I took the journey upon myself,” showing that he willingly put himself in danger to protect his little brother (The Fellowship of the Ring 239).

The reason I bring this up is because I don’t think critics look at what Boromir actually says and does through out the book. I literally don’t understand where or how they would even perceive this as an ulterior motive or that he does anything with ill intent. AT THIS POINT THERE IS NOTHING THAT SUGGEST HE MIGHT BE. BECAUSE LITERALLY EVERY ACTION BOROMIR TAKES IS TO PROTECT SOMEONE ELSE

 Like maybe they take the first description of Boromir to be negative:

“a tall man fair and noble face, dark-haired and grey-eyed, proud and stern of glance,”

But none of these are inherently negative. Proud and stern aren’t negative words. Proud doesn’t become negative until you pair it with the action of taking the ring from Frodo and THATS ASSUMING that he’s taking it for himself to use and that he himself wants power.

BUT HE DOESN’T- and we’ll get to why later

OR maybe they’re trying to take what Faramir has to say about his brother to the extreme end: 

“‘And this I remember of Boromir as a boy, when we together learned the tale of our sires and the history of our city, that always it displeased him that his father was not king. “How many hundreds of years needs it to make a steward a king, if the king returns not?” he asked. […] Alas poor Boromir. Does that tell you something of him?’

‘It does,’ said Frodo. ‘Yet always he treated Aragorn with honour.’

‘I doubt it not,’ said Faramir. ‘If he were satisfied of Aragron’s claim, as you say, he would greatly reverence him. But the pinch had not yet come. They had not yet reached Minas Tirith or become rivals in her wars” (The Two Towers 655 ).

Which I’m gonna be honest is fair assessment.  But like Boromir’s asking these questions 1. as a kid, and as I myself was a child who hated incompetency, ITS CONFUSING AND FRUSTRATING TO BE DOING ALL THE WORK AND NOT GET THE CREDIT? (RIGHT NOW I’M LOOKING AT PEOPLE WHO REPOST FAN ART WITHOUT THE CREDIT- I WILL FIND YOU AND SMITE YOU)

but anyway, yeah you know what that question about kingship tells me- HE WANTS TO KNOW WHERE THE FUCKING KING IS???? Like thats not inherently a greed thing- Only if you’re looking at it from like a religious standpoint and blah blah blah Catholic teachings about- but again

Then good boy Frodo looking out for him, I’m gonna cry, points out the obvious- that Boromir respected Aragorn, and Faramir has the nerve to say- yeah but wait until the group project falls apart- then see what happens

and let me just say

Faramir

sir

my boi

YOU CLEARLY HAVE BEEN LUCKY ENOUGH TO HAVE A GOOD TEAM FOR YOUR GROUP PROJECT BECAUSE LET ME TELL YOU. IF ARAGORN WENT IN THERE AND THINGS STARTED GOING WRONG AND PEOPLE STARTED DYING OF COURSE BOROMIR WAS GOING TO BE PISSED- LIKE THEY WAITED HOW LONG FOR WHAT????

It’d be like if someone you didin’t know came over to your house told you not to make dinner in your own house, that they knew their way around the kitchen- WHEN THEY DON’T KNOW YOUR’RE ALLERGIC TO PEANUTS, proceed to start a fire while trying to fry up some chicken, and then saying they’ve got it under control, but the fire dept can’t put out your oven. I mean thats worst case scenario.

I’m sorry but just the thought of someone I know/am related to coming into my room and touches my goddamn light switch gives me anxiety- BOROMIR HAD TO TRUST THIS STRANGER WITH HIS COUNTRY 

But like the movie tries to get you to agree with the line of thinking, that Boromir is about himself and doing it to glorify himself. take THIS SCENE

You know the one, that shot in Rivendell and Boromir is exploring on his own and casually picks up the sword, you know THE SWORD and kinda low key plays with it for a hot minute- you know, the way you walk by the nerf swords at a walmart and you pick one up to wack your bro with it, but then you remember you’re 23 and he’s 18 and taller than you now so he’ll beat the shit out of you if you start shit. But anyways, Boromir picks up the sword and cuts his finger, is amazed that its still sharp, and then puts it back only to have it teeter off and he walks away quickly like nothing happened. If you’re a small brain critic you’ll see this scene and say “Ah yes, in picking up Narsil Boromir displays a desire for power for himself, and in cutting his finger it shows that this desire is his ultimate demise. He might think he’s ready for power and deserves more, but by walking away he shows that he’s actually irresponsible guffaw” I demand you go back and read that in your guadiest accent. But hear me out. Remember that nerf sword you picked up in the toy aisle, instead of being the grimlin you know you are deep in your soul, you take a few practice swings for your audition fantasy and put it back and start walking away just to realize that the walmart employee had been watching you the whole time and the whole bin of plastic and foam swords comes tumbling down bring with it a Hot Wheels track and collectible cars, and you just look at the employee, and they just look at you, and then you brain just short circuits  and so you keep walking down the aisle away and laugh cry across the store because you don’t know what the fuck just happened. And thtas the energy that scene gives to me.

But I’m getting away from it all because the real arguement against the way this scene is framed is one question he poses right before he attacks Frodo:

“What could not Aragorn do?”  ( The Fellowship of the Ring 389). 

He makes a big speech here about Frodo giving up the ring, but he doesn’t talk about him using it himself, instead he wonders, What would Aragorn be capable of?

Does that sound like a question someone crazed with a drive for power would ask?

I don’t think so

Why even mention Aragorn if he wanted it for himself right?

We’re dissect the fuck out it in the next part don’t you worry.

I think I’m almost done

[ellewritesathing]

So Close - XXVIII

Summary: The universe has a funny way of putting the things you want right in front of you, but just out of reach. Stiles and Y/N have been best friends ever since Scott brought him home, but when Stiles realizes that he might want to be something other than best friends, she leaves to go to some fancy private school up North. Now that she’s back though … maybe he’s got a shot? A Teen Wolf AU in which the reader has always been so close to Stiles and yet so far.

Masterlist Prev. | Part 28

Word-count: 3.6k+

A/N: what a time guys!! this season was sad and stressful (and there’s still a bit to go) but i’m rooting for these dummies!!

Somewhere between eating all the candy in the vending machine and your phone dying, Stiles opened up to you about what happened at Eichen House. He started with being institutionalized and the kid hanging himself in the stairwell on his first day there and ended with watching Brunsky choke on his own blood in the basement a few hours ago. 

“Stiles, you know none of that is your fault, right?” you asked when you were sure he was done speaking. He didn’t answer so you moved out from under his arm to look at him, sitting up and holding his hand in your lap. “You couldn’t have saved that kid; you didn’t even know him. Brunksy was a sadist. I don’t even know if he’s worth saving. But-” 

“You think people can be too far gone to save?” he asked, not moving an inch from where he lay on the bed. He was watching the way you moved his hand in yours.

“I don’t know,” you said quietly, dropping your gaze to your hands as well. It was easier than looking at him when he was so sad. “But I do know that we saved Malia. And Lydia. And you. That’s worth it to me.” 

Stiles didn’t say anything else while the two of you waited for your mom to bring a tape player, and you weren’t sure if you had anything else to say. Another stilted, emotional conversation with no real ending. 

You were so wrapped up in your thoughts that you almost jumped out of your skin when Melissa opened the door and set down an old stereo on the table. “You would not believe how hard it is to track one of these things down nowadays,” she said with a sigh. “The good news is that we should have you in for that CT Scan in a few minutes, and then you can go home.” 

“That’s great, Mom. Thanks,” you smiled as you sat back up.��

“Yeah, really, thank you,” Stiles said, reaching over to put the stereo on the bed. 

Melissa gave you each a smile before heading out the door again. Once the door closed behind her, Stiles grabbed the tape he’d placed under the pillow and popped it into the stereo. 

“He used to make tapes whenever he killed people.” 

“To relive the kill,” you said. Stiles looked at you and you shrugged. “I watch Criminal Minds. You sure you want to listen to this again?” 

“I don’t really think we’ve got much of a choice,” he said, finger hovering over the play button. “You ready?” 

“Yes,” you lied. “Play it.” 

Lorraine’s voice was so certain as it drifted over the speakers. She knew she was going to die, and she knew Brunsky was going to kill her just like the rest of the patients. Your breath hitched. Lydia had to listen to her grandmother get murdered as the same man tried to murder her. It made you sick. 

Stiles had to go in for his scan before you could talk about it, but you stayed in his room and listened to the tape until he came back. Every time, you hoped it would end differently. That she wouldn’t ask him not to hurt Lydia. That you’d figure something out. It ended the same each time. 

“Your mom has, against her better judgment, cleared me to go home,” Stiles said as he leaned back in the room. “She said it was important that I tell you the judgment part. You ready to go?” 

“Yeah, I just-” you sighed and shut off the stereo. “Remember how you said you don’t think they were at Eichen House on the tape?” 

“Yeah, Brunsky said ‘taking you back to Eichen House.’ Plus, there weren’t any echoes.”

“Right, exactly. So where would she have been, completely alone?” 

“Not at home, not with the Martins.” 

“I think she was at the lakehouse,” you said, looking back up at him. “It’s the only place that makes sense. Everything with her leads back there.” 

“Then let’s go to the lake house.”

The drive to the lake house was arguably the fastest and most erratic twenty minutes of your life, excluding the five extra minutes to pick up Malia because ‘even though she’s still mad at Stiles, she wants to help.’ Stiles used his copy of Lydia’s key to get in but you froze in the threshold. Whatever you were going to find in there, even if you found nothing at all, was going to change things again. After some encouragement, you let Stiles take your hand and lead you to the study. 

It felt wrong to be in there without Lydia, like you were trying on someone’s clothes without their permission, but you knew you had to do it. Stiles sat down and played the record player while you analyzed everything in the room. How many weekends had you spent here with Lydia doing this exact thing? 

“What are we even doing here?” Stiles sighed as he got to his feet and shut off the record player. He was frustrated. After half an hour of nothing but needle scratching, you were frustrated too. “This room wasn’t made for people like us. No, we need someone like Lydia or Meredith. We’re just sitting here listening to a stupid record player play a record that doesn’t play anything!”

“Try saying that five times fast,” you said, holding up your hands for him to help you to your feet. You let out a breath as you landed a few inches in front of him. “There’s gotta be something here, Stiles.” 

“Then let’s try somewhere else in this stupid-” 

“Guys?” Malia asked. She was still cross-legged in front of the record player and she looked confused. “I can still hear it.”

“It’s not on,” Stiles said, still frustrated. 

“Then it’s something else,” Malia insisted. She got to her feet as you and Stiles walked back over to her. “Something’s spinning.” 

Stiles took a step closer and started feeling around the record player. He found the spot where its cord connected to the wall, moved the record player out of the way, and started pulling. It broke through the plaster. 

You dropped next to him and put your hand on his to stop him. “Stiles! Lydia said not to damage the house, remember? Not a scratch.” 

“We have to find whatever’s still spinning,” he said, keeping his voice level. “Trust me. I can do this.” 

Reluctantly, you got back to your feet and stood next to Malia as he pulled the cord out of the wall in a long, jagged line. He looked back over at you and you shrugged. The wall was already ruined, what did it matter if the three of you tore the rest of the drywall off? Once the hole was big enough, you saw three long towers spinning in front of you, and if you listened close enough you could fool yourself into thinking you heard them. 

“What is this?” Malia asked. 

“The deadpool,” Stiles answered. 

She didn’t wait for either of you to say anything else before she tried to put her fist through one of the towers. Stiles scrambled to grab her arm and you grabbed her by the waist to pull her back. 

“No, no!” Stiles huffed. Once he was sure you were holding her, he added, “You can’t just smash it to pieces, okay? If this thing’s being used to disseminate the list, then it’s probably gonna keep going until everyone’s dead.”

“Then what do we do?” Malia asked. It was like she and Stiles had swapped moods; she was frustrated and he was doing his best.

You sighed and let go of her. “We figure out how to turn it off. Each part of the list needed a key, right? So maybe we just need to find the key for the towers.”

“Like a physical key?” Stiles asked. 

Malia stepped forward and you reached out to grab her again but she held a hand out as a signal to stop. You fell back and she reached her other hand up to point to the top of the tower; a physical lock to switch them on and off sat at the tip of her finger. “Yeah, like a physical key.” 

“Okay, Stiles, you call Lydia. Malia, you wanna help me look?” you asked. 

You and Malia started going through the drawers while Lydia asked about the monitor for the computers and Stiles kept repeating that there wasn’t anything other than the towers. Then she asked to see the floor and you and Malia looked at one another before closing the cabinets and walking over to Stiles. 

“Where’s the stain?” Lydia asked. “There should be red blotches. A wine stain.”

“There’s nothing there, Lyd,” you said. 

“That doesn’t make any sense,” she mumbled. She used the cleaner money to bribe Brunsky, so there should have been a big, red stain on the carpet where there was nothing but white. 

“What the hell does wine have to do with anything?” Stiles snapped. 

“Red wine doesn’t just disappear,” Lydia said. It sounded like she was pretty tired and frustrated too. Then she sparked. “Unless it wasn’t wine.” 

“So what the hell else would it be?” Stiles asked.

“The ashes weren’t ashes. The study isn’t a study. And the record player isn’t a record player! So … so maybe the wine wasn’t wine,” Lydia said. “Stiles, you have to find the wine. Find the bottle. There could be something about it.” 

Stiles started bolting to the kitchen, Lydia telling him what to look for over the phone, and you took a breath. Rubbing your temples, you looked at Malia, who looked equal parts annoyed and confused. Just like in geometry.

“You know, I’m really glad you’re here,” you said with a smile. 

She frowned for a second before nodding. “Me too.” 

When Stiles came back, he was rattling the bottle in one hand and holding the phone in his other. “I think there’s something inside. Do you have, like, a wine opener or-” 

Malia reached across you and took the bottle out of his hands. She threw it on the ground and you knelt next to her to help sift through the pieces as Stiles tried to calm Lydia down. Everything went quiet when you held up a key. 

Taking it from your hand, Stiles went over and put it in the tower. He looked over and you nodded before he turned the key. You held your breath as the lights on the towers started going out and the plates stopped spinning. 

“Is it over?” Malia asked. 

“I think so.” 

---

The next few days were a blissful kind of foggy where no one was trying to kill your friends. The lack of a visible threat didn’t mean any of you were less on edge, but it meant that you finally had time for other things. Things like school, planning a first date, lacrosse, and (for some of you) sleeping in and missing lacrosse. 

“Stiles,” you said for the tenth time, rubbing his arm lightly. You hated having to wake him up when he got as little sleep as he did. “Stiles, babe, you’ve gotta wake up. Coach is gonna kill you if you’re late for another morning practice.” 

Nothing. 

“Okay, you know what, I’m just gonna ask Noah to drop me off on his way to the station.” You stood up and did your best not to look at his cute, tired face as he frowned up at you. “I’ll just stay at my house and see you at lunch from now-”

Stiles grabbed your wrist and laughed. “Hey, wait, I’m up, okay? I’m up.” He pulled you back onto the bed and curled around you. 

“Mm, you sure?” you asked as he yawned, rubbing his head against your arm. 

“Maybe in like five more minutes?” 

You laughed and twisted around to cup his face before pressing a kiss to his forehead. “Get up. We’re gonna be late.” 

“You’re cute when you’re bossy,” he mumbled, a lazy smile on his face. Your heart swelled at the sight of it. He was happy.

“Okay, five more minutes.” 

Stiles cheered and pulled you back into him, the two of you laughing and holding each other for a little longer than five minutes. 

---

Even though the whole pack was taking advantage of the lull of supernatural activity, you and Stiles were taking your fair share and more. The two of you were finally going on your first real date. To differentiate between this dinner and the countless others you’d had together, Lydia picked out your outfit, Stiles chose the restaurant, and you were driving.

He didn’t tell you anything about where you were going except that it was fancy, so you begrudgingly wore the heels Lydia lent you. Wobbling up the walk to the Stilinski household, you reminded yourself that this was Stiles. Goofy Stiles that you’d had a crush on since before you knew how to write. You had no reason to be so nervous, but the butterflies in your stomach didn’t listen to reason. 

“Hey, Y/N.” Noah greeted you with a warm smile as he opened the door. “Stiles is upstairs, so you can either go get him or help me sort through a week’s worth mail.”

“As tempting as expired coupons sound, I think I’ll go see what’s taking him so long,” you laughed and kissed Noah’s cheek before carefully making your way up the stairs. All you needed was for this night to end with you in the emergency room for a twisted ankle. 

But, thankfully, you made it up in one piece. 

Stiles’ door was slightly open and your gentle knocking pushed it all the way. He was standing in front of the mirror, earbuds in and music blaring as he struggled his way through knotting a tie. He wasn’t tying it, because that required some sort of calmness and focus. He was haphazardly throwing the ends into loops and through each other, and getting increasingly frustrated at the turnout. 

He noticed you when you were halfway across the room, but he didn’t say anything until you were right next to him and taking out his earbuds. 

“Wow, you look … like, really pretty. Like way out of my league. Are you wearing heels? Damn, McCall, you really-”

Blushing slightly, you laughed and looked down at the earbuds you were wrapping up. “So I’m guessing that means I’m not overdressed for wherever we’re going?”

“No. No, you’ll fit right in,” Stiles said as he took a breath. He was still staring at you when you looked back up at him. “Me, on the other hand. They’ll never let me in unless I get this damn tie to work.” 

“Do you even know how to tie one of these?” 

“Well, no. Never stopped me before.” 

You laughed and started unknotting the tie. “Lucky for you, I used to have to wear one of these bad boys every day for school.” You moved behind him, reaching your arms under his and up to where the ends of the tie dangled. You were more than a little out of practice, but Stiles didn’t seem to mind how slowly you worked. Tightening the knot to his neck, you reached over and kissed the back of his cheek before resting your head on his shoulder. “There, perfect.” 

“I think so, too,” Stiles said in a low voice. He was looking at you in the mirror and you felt yourself blush again. Damn cheesy lines.

Luckily (or unluckily), you didn’t have time to respond because Noah rapped on the door and burst in. You took a huge step back but stumbled because of the heels as he said, “Drop what you’re doing.” Stiles caught your arm before you could fall as Noah continued, “I’m taking you both out to dinner. Whatever you want.” 

Stiles looked over at you for a second before saying, “Dad, I’m not sure a man of your debts should be treating anyone to anything. Plus, I don’t think our first date should be chaperoned.”

“Your first-” Noah blinked and looked at the two of you, realization slowly spreading across his face. “Oh. Well, uh, then forget about that but you can take my card for your, um, first date.” 

Stiles was already walking towards his dad and arguing, but Noah held out a letter and waited for him to read it. “What is that?” Stiles asked as he tore it open.

“A letter of apology from Eichen House,” Noah said. “Apparently, they’ve decided to forgive our debt due to, uh, well, you and Lydia almost getting murdered.” 

“I have never been so happy to have almost been murdered!” Stiles grinned after reading the letter. He tossed the letter to the side and pulled his dad into a hug.

“Well, we’re not out of it yet, but we’re going to be okay,” Noah said with a smile as he patted Stiles’ back. “So at least for the moment, I can treat my son and his girlfriend to a real, unchaperoned dinner, alright?” 

“Alright-” 

“No way,” you said. They both looked at you like they’d forgotten you were there. Walking carefully closer you continued, “There is no way that we’re celebrating this without you. Stiles and I can go for dinner next week, right, babe?” 

“Uh, yeah,” Stiles said. “I can just cancel the reservation, I guess.” 

“Great, so where do you wanna go, Sheriff?” you asked with a smile on your face as you turned to Noah. 

“Oh, no, I’ve already messed with your night as it is. You can pick wherever you want to go,” Noah said, raising his hands up in surrender. 

“We could go to the diner,” you suggested. “Remember? The one you used to take us to when we were little. Stiles lost his tooth there and Scott got his head stuck in the-” 

“Those incidents were completely unrelated!” Stiles talked over you and you collapsed into a fit of laughter at how upset he got. “Man, that kid had big ears. When did he stop getting his head stuck in things?” 

“Around 12 maybe?”

“You guys remember that?” Noah laughed. He shook his head as you and Stiles launched into stories about getting milkshakes before the spring formal there and Scott having way too many minor accidents at the diner. 

“Wait, wait, wait. Aren’t you two a little overdressed for a diner?” Noah asked. “I don’t know, maybe you should kids should just-” 

“I’ve got a pair of Y/N’s sneakers right there that she could change into.” Stiles pointed to the huge pile of shoes next to his desk. “I can put on some jeans and a t-shirt and we’re good to go.” 

“You two are sure about this? You want an old man crashing your date?” Noah asked. 

You and Stiles looked at one another, hands interlacing and smiling. A family dinner sounded like what you needed. Your date could wait a few more days.

“Yeah, we’re sure,” you said. “But I can still drive? Because I almost never get to drive.”

---

The excitement of not having anyone trying to kill you didn’t last long. While you and Stiles were prepping for the big game, Scott and Kira went MIA. You knew it was their big date and all, but they weren’t answering calls or texts. Perfect timing, really, because it was the night before the full moon and you were playing against Davenport Prep. 

About halfway into the game, you and Stiles ditched to go find them. He wouldn’t let you say goodbye to Liam because he didn’t want him to have to worry about anything else, and Malia agreed to stay and keep an on him for you. She promised to call if Scott and Kira showed up. 

When you, Noah, and Stiles got to Derek’s loft you found it trashed. Lightbulbs were hanging all over the ceiling - some blown out, some broken, and very few actually working - and almost all of the furniture was broken. Braeden was picking up pieces as Derek assessed the damage. 

“Okay, what the hell happened here?” you asked, folding your arms over your chest. 

“It was supposed to be a date,” Derek said. 

“So they were both here?” Noah asked. 

“And now they’re both gone,” Braeden finished. 

Stiles’ phone vibrated and he dug it out of his pockets to answer the call. “Hey … Yeah, Scott and Kira. We just don’t know where … Mexico? Why the hell would they- okay, okay, I know that- Okay, goodb- Bye, Lydia!” He hung up in a huff and turned back to the group. 

“So they’re in Mexico? Like the same Mexico with werewolf hunters and berserkers?” you asked. 

“I think Scott’s got bigger problems than them,” Derek sighed. “Where the berserkers are, Kate is.” 

“Okay, I know this isn’t what any of you want to hear, but we can’t just rush into this,” Noah said. “Why don’t I take these two home and we regroup in the morning to come up with a plan?” 

“Because Scott’s been kidnapped by a psychotic were-jaguar! We don’t have time to sleep and regroup,” you snapped and started pacing. What did Kate want with your brother? She could have killed him a long time ago. She wanted him alive when you ‘killed’ him to draw out the benefactor. No, no she didn’t want him alive, she wanted his body.

“I’ll take her home,” Derek said from behind you. You stopped pacing to look at him. You didn’t know he still cared. 

“Thanks, but she actually has a curfew, so we’ll take her-” 

“Stiles, it’s okay,” you said with a small smile. “Derek can take me. We’ll regroup in the morning, okay?” 

Stiles looked at you like he was unsure again. He didn’t understand the relationship you had with Derek. He didn’t know why you could go from being ready to storm across the border one second to willing to wait until morning the next. But he trusted you. 

“Okay,” he said. “We’ll regroup in the morning.”

Part 29

[athenagrantt]

okay.

summary: buck always hated the whole soulmate bullshit... okay maybe not always but for as long as he learned two things: one, what is his soulmark and two, who his soulmate is, in that particular order or in which buck has the last words his soulmate will ever say to him tattooed on his arm and his soulmate is his best friend. warnings: major character death words: 4,497k a/n: hi! So this is my very first 9-1-1/buddie fic and so I decided it’d be a great idea to introduce myself to y’all with this angsty fic and probably make all of you hate me so… yeah, call me satan and enjoy! lmao (side note if you wanna cry more I recommend to read this while listening to tough by lewis capaldi *wink wink*)                                                                                                        read on ao3

There were so may ways you could find your soulmate Buck couldn’t count them even if he tried. And from what he knew and he’d like to think he knew quite a lot about the topic since he was fascinated by soulmates growing up, most of them were cute, romantic and funny or some kind of combinations of all three. And since everyone around him fit into that equation, you could even say Buck was excited to find that person who was destined to be with him.

Everything shifted when Buck was a little older and found out there actually were not-so-nice and cute ways to find a soulmate and that made Buck anxious about the future. Instead of looking forward to his eighteenth birthday he was dreading it. Every time he thought about it his chest got a little tighter and his breathing quickened.

It wasn’t like he had to take a test or an interview or something like that to determine his way of finding his other half. He’d just know. He’d wake up on his birthday and just know how it’s gonna go so he shouldn’t be this stressed. But he was. And every year his anxiety just kept getting worse because just in three years, two years, one year he w o u l d k n o w.

And yes, he could be overthinking for nothing. He could be just as lucky as other people and have a cute tattoo or see them in his dreams or not age ‘til they meet and it would be awesome but at the same time his brain kept reminding him he could be the unlucky one and most of the time Buck didn’t even want to think what that would mean.

On his birthday, the birthday, Buck woke up feeling different. He couldn’t figure it out right away but he had this gut feeling something’s changed. It was almost like a missing piece of him was finally in its place. He felt whole. And the first thing he did was smile and exhale slowly, calmly. He chuckled quietly not even knowing why and got up from the bed strangely ready to take on another day.

Only when he was putting his clothes on, Buck noticed something on his arm which was strange considering the fact he could barely fall asleep the night before constantly thinking about everything the next day would mean. He took a deep breath and after few seconds finally looked at his arm.

Okay.

Buck furrowed his brows. That was it? Just one word? At first he thought maybe there’s more to come so he spent the entire day constantly checking his arms even though something inside his head was telling him there will not be anything else. And that little voice was right because when Buck went back to bed the same, lonely word was all he saw.

And then a cold, uncomfortable chill run through his entire body and it hit him like a ton of bricks. Something he should’ve think about right away. Instead of overthinking what the tattoo was actually saying he should’ve think about what was the meaning behind it. Because there was one and as soon as Buck unlocked that part, he knew. He knew exactly what that small, innocent okay placed on his wrist meant and for a few seconds that realization knocked the air out of his lungs.

Buck spent the next few hours sitting in the same exact spot on his bed, his breath shaky and shallow, the thumb of his right hand abstinently stroking the inked skin on his left wrist. He felt numb, not able to do anything to break his trance. He noticed he was crying only when the tears started dropping on his hand and still he did nothing to stop them. His vision blurry, the only thing he could see was that same little okay he was staring at for hours.

This was the last thing his soulmate would ever say to him.

He didn’t want to believe it. He wished it was a mistake.

But he knew,

he knew

he knew

he knew it wasn’t.

He knew that little word will, someday, shatter his entire world into pieces. Pieces he won’t be able to glue together. Because his heart will die. Literally. And there’s nothing he can do about it, nothing he can do to prevent it. All he can do is wait and hope.

Okay.

And just as he was lying on the bed, as if all the hurt wasn’t enough, Buck realised another two things. Yes, ‘okay’ will be the only thing his soulmate will ever say to him but he has no idea of knowing which one of them could be in a life-death situation. He just assumed that short word would be said when his soulmate would be dying but who’s to say it won’t be him and ‘okay’ will be literally the last thing he will ever hear? Thinking about it felt like someone was kicking him in the gut.

However Buck didn’t have much time to dwell on that because another thought wanted to be heard – Why just one word? Wasn’t his luck bad enough? How was he supposed to know which ‘okay’ would be the last one? Was he supposed to panic every time someone in his presence said it? Or was he supposed to just know like he knows he definitely was the unluckiest person in the entire world right now?

He had two possible choices - to just live his life to the fullest, knowing he or someone who he will love with everything in him might day and he has no idea when, why or who could it be or to completely close himself off to love, to avoid it like a fire and be miserable his whole life…

But seeing as only few years later Buck was working as a firefighter and chasing fires was literally his job the choice seemed pretty obvious. Somewhere along the way he decided he can’t waste his life. He won’t waste his life. The idea of losing his soulmate, one way or another, still terrified him, but throughout the years he learned to just ignore or silence that part of his brain. Was it healthy for his mental health? God no. But it was working so Buck decided to stick with it.

Then… Buck meet Eddie and again something in him started to change. It was even more confusing than the time thing like this happened on his eighteen birthday. But somehow, somehow Buck knew it had to do with his soulmate. He didn't know how Eddie fit in there but he must’ve.

Because Buck knew.

The idea of Eddie being his soulmate crossed him mind more than once but Eddie told him about Shannon, his w i f e, so no matter what Buck was imagining, Eddie Diaz wasn’t his soulmate and he had to accept it. And he did.

But then Shannon died.

And Eddie’s soulmark was still there.

And Buck was so confused.

Because that wasn’t supposed to happen. When you or your soulmate dies your soulmark dies with you/them. What happens after that? Buck had no idea but what he knew was that the blue eyes Eddie kept on seeing in his dreams should now be gone.

They were not. Even weeks after Shannon’s death Eddie was complaining he still dreamt about them. Buck suggested that maybe it takes time for a soulmark to completely disappear but the thing with Eddie’s soulmark was that it wasn’t disappearing at all. Eddie was convinced that it’s the exact opposite and the eyes he sees are even more visible than before. And at this point Buck was just lost.

When he met Eddie they talked about soulmates. And Eddie explained to him that even though he can see the eyes in his dreams, he’d only know for sure after he kissed his soulmate. He told Buck after he kissed Shannon for the first time he was positive she was it for him and then they had Christopher – whom Buck loves almost as if he was his own son, and despite everything that happened between him and Shannon he thought they would work it out. Unfortunately they didn’t and now Buck wasn’t the only one who was struggling with his soulmate.

He wished both him and Eddie had it as easy as their colleagues from the station.

Like his own sister and Chimney for example. They were both living in a black and white until they kissed and when they did suddenly the world was colourful and beautiful and the two of them were so happy and full of love.

Or Athena and Bobby. Bobby could literally see her in her dreams. He knew exactly who was his soulmate when he laid his eyes on her and when Athena heard his voice, when they first spoke, she knew it was him because the same thing that came out of his mouth was what was tattooed on her forearm.

But Buck’s favourite, to this day were Han and Karen. When they met their hearts started glowing. Han told him, jokingly that they must’ve really been in love because the glow of their hearts wouldn't go away for a whole week. And it only made Buck love their story even more. Mainly because when Buck was younger he wished that would be him someday. Finding love with a glowing heart.

Instead he was cursed with his little okay.

Nothing was okay and it was even less okay after the dinner they had at Bobby and Athena’s place one time Okay, no, the dinner itself was great. But they always were. As long as all of them were together in a room, everything was great. So they talked, they drank, they ate, they laughed and drank some more. A few of them would have a hangover the next day but they were having so much fun that the next morning wasn’t important. Buck wasn’t even mad when his team lost a game of charades – and if it was all Bucks’s fault because he kept staring at his best friend, no one has to know… except everyone knew. The alcohol coursing through his veins did not make him subtle at all.

It was weird. Because up to that very dinner party Buck never thought about Eddie in that way.

That was a lie.

He definitely did think about Eddie in that way but never before let himself think he could have something real with Eddie. He was so fixated on the idea that they weren’t soulmates he never even thought they could still be a thing. Not being someone else’s soulmate never stopped him from a relationship and yet he couldn’t bring himself to try and start something with Eddie. No matter how hard he wanted to pretend he didn’t know what was holding him back, he did. And it was pretty simple and obvious – he didn’t want to risk his friendship with Eddie and his relationship with Christopher. He loved that kid so much sometimes it scared him. The way Chris could chase all his worries away with just one smile was incredible and Buck would rather pine for Eddie from afar then do something that in the long run had the possibility of hurting Chris.

Where were those exact thoughts after the dinner when Eddie suggested they don’t stop the fun now and grab a drink or two at the nearby bar? Buck had no idea but he always had a hard time saying no to Eddie so they did grab a drink or two or four at the bar nearby.

So yeah, the dinner itself was great, it was everything that happened after that might have been the worst or best night in Buck’s life. To this day he’s not sure.

At first the night was going great. They ordered the first round of drinks and sat in the corner booth at the very end of the room where the music was just a little bit quieter and it was easier to hear what they were saying. Also, the light wasn’t that aggressive and when after good twenty minutes Buck thought about it, the whole atmosphere of the booth was awfully romantic. Eddie either didn’t mind it or simply didn’t notice too preoccupied with telling a story about Christopher from that morning.

They spent most of the time like this, talking and laughing, just like best friends do. Buck had even more fun than only hours ago when they were with the rest of the team. Something about it being just the two of them made it even better. And when the voice inside his head would keep on telling him it was because he had feelings for Eddie he’d just push it down, ignoring it before his heart would flutter at the idea.

It was so easy to fall for Eddie Diaz. Buck couldn’t even point to en exact moment he realised he wanted something more than friendship. The idea was silly but it was like Buck’s entire body started vibrating when he was close to him. When it happened the first time, for a second, Buck thought he was dying. He’s never felt anything even close to what he felt that day and it scared and excited him at the same time. Right there and then was the first time Buck thought about Eddie being his soulmate and just by thinking it his body got all warm and tingly and he absolutely loved it. Chimney was the only one who noticed his reaction and for a good week kept making faces at him any time Eddie entered the room which after a month was quite annoying but there was nothing Buck could do about it so he just learned to go with it.

Along the way everyone around him started to notice how taken he was by Eddie… Eddie being the exception. Buck was almost amazed by how oblivious his best friend was. Whenever Han or Chim or even Booby would say something to embarrass Buck in front of him he completely shrugged it off and didn’t give it a second thought. Sometimes Buck was curious what he’d have to do for Eddie to get the idea.

Like what if he were to casually take Eddie’s hand in the middle of his story? Without any explanation. Just hold it, maybe intertwined their fingers together and listen to the story like nothing happened. Would that be enough for Eddie to stop and question what was going on? Suddenly Buck really wanted to know and-

“Hey, man you there? You seemed kinda off.” Eddie’s voice brought him back from daydreaming.

“Yeah, sorry. Spaced out a little.” Buck chuckled.

“Are you calling me boring, Buckley?” A challenging smile on Eddie’s lips.

Buck wanted to kiss those lips.

“I’m not saying Chris would told this story better but...” He trailed off, teasing.

“Wow.” Eddie sighed, trying to look offended but failing.

Buck knew he should’ve stop drinking if he wanted to finish the night without embarrassing himself but at this point in his life he was also pretty good at ignoring his thoughts so that’s what he did and moments later was ordering another round.

He had no idea what happened in that short period of time he was gone but when he was back in the booth he had this feeling that the mood has changed. Something shifted in that little world Eddie and him were immersed for the last two hours. He didn’t know what but when Eddie emptied almost half of his drink at once he knew something definitely happened.

And then before he even had the chance to ask, Eddie’s face was so close to his, Buck could probably count his eyelashes if wasn’t as surprised as she was.

And then they were kissing. And Buck’s head was spinning. And Eddie’s hands were on his neck pulling him even closer. And he let him. And Buck himself grabbed Eddie’s shirt in his hands. And an embarrassingly loud groan escaped his lips. And he could feel Eddie smiling. And Buck hated how much he loved it. But they were kissing so it didn’t matter. Because E d d i e k i s s e d h i m.

Buck had to physically, gently push Eddie away because as much as he absolutely loved feeling his lips on his own, suddenly he knew and yet again he absolutely hated his life.

Okay.

Right after Buck broke the kiss, he could see how confused Eddie was. And he had every right to because Buck did kiss him back. And they both knew what just happened and what that meant for them but for some reason, after a moment of complete silence between them Eddie felt the need to voice the fact. “You’re my soulmate.” He said quietly and Buck was surprised he could actually hear him. “We’re soulmates.” Eddie said again with a smile on his face and Buck wanted to cry.

Okay.

He was fine with Eddie not knowing Buck had feelings for him. It was easier. It was safer. But Eddie kissed him and Buck kissed him back. And now the idea he was so quick to dismiss so many time before turned out to be true and Buck hated it. Because it meant he would lose Eddie. Someday in the hopefully long ass future he will definitely loose his best friend. One of them will die leaving the other one. No one said it had to be soon but Buck couldn’t let himself get his hopes up.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

It didn’t take long for Eddie to decipher Buck’s reaction. He knew how Buck felt about his soulmark and it was safe to say he hated it. It wasn’t a secret. And Buck always said he’s rather never find them rather than go through loosing essentially a part of himself. So knowing that, Eddie couldn’t even be mad. He could only imagine how hard it was for Buck to know the last thing Eddie would say to him. Now that he knew Buck was his soulmate he wasn’t sure himself how he felt about the idea but he knew he wouldn’t want anyone else as his soulmate.

“Buck.” Eddie said, his hand firmly gripping Buck’s shoulder. “Look at me.” He asked and took a deep breath before continuing. “It’s okay.”

“Eddie.” Buck’s breath hitched and when nothing happened he exhaled sharply and pulled Eddie in for a tight hug. “You’re okay.”

“I’m fine. I’m okay. We’re okay.” Eddie assured him and Buck hated how his heart stopped for a second every time Eddie said that word.

“Please never say ‘okay’ to me ever again.”

Buck was so serious it almost gave Eddie chills but he rolled his eyes to somehow loosen up the tense moment. “Buck. Don’t be ridiculous.” He shook his head, grabbing Buck’s hand. “Do you really believe that me not saying the word will change anything?”

“I hope so.” Buck sighed. “Eddie, I can’t lose you.” He admitted eventually and it nearly broke Eddie’s heart to hear how defeated he sounded. And Eddie wanted to assure him, he won’t but he couldn’t say that. He couldn’t promise something like that and he didn’t want to lie to Buck. “The only thing we can do is to live to the fullest and enjoy it while it lasts, okay?” Eddie said, adding the word Buck hated on purpose just to make his point.

And Buck knew Eddie was right. He couldn’t live in fear because he wouldn’t be living at all. And now that he knew Eddie was his soulmate Buck wanted so many things out of life. So just like he did all those years ago, when he found that little okay on his wrist, he decided to let that fear of losing Eddie motivate him to live his life like every day was the last one rather than stop living at all. And being a firefighter sure did help him understand how fragile life was, on a daily basis.

Even before he knew Eddie’s his soulmate both of them had a few close calls and right there one of them could’ve died and when Buck thinks about it now it would be so much worse. The situation he is now isn’t the best but it always could be worse. If Eddie were to die and Buck would find out they were soulmates before he had any chance to do anything about it he’s sure he’d die right beside him because of how broken his heart would be. At least now they had a chance to be together. No matter how long.

Months have passed and both of them were still happy and most importantly healthy. Of course, there were times one of them would be closer to the other side that they’d prefer, knowing the circumstances but at the end they were okay.

Until they weren’t.

The day started almost like any other. It was better because exactly a year ago they were in a bar where they discovered they’re soulmates. A year ago they got together and started their lives as a couple.

An anniversary.

Time really flies when you’re happy and in love. Buck could not believe it has been a year already. It was, hands down, the best year of his life. A year filled with nothing but the kind of love that consumes you entirely. So he insisted they go out and celebrate together. All three of them. Because it wouldn’t be the same without Christopher. Buck made a reservation at their favourite restaurant and was so excited he nearly started counting down the hours.

Much to all his friends’ joy he didn’t have the time to actually do it since the day was just hectic. Every call was more intense than the previous one and the last one of the day was the actual worst one in every meaning imaginable.

There was a man threatening a woman with a gun. He was drunk and Buck would say crazy. When they got there Bobby, Eddie and him went inside. Bobby tried to talk the man down, tried to reason with him but to no avail. It seemed like the man couldn’t even hear him like all this anger bubbling inside him made him deaf. Which was ridiculous of course, but Buck really didn’t know how else to describe it.

And everything that happened after Bobby stopped talking and addressed Buck and Eddie happened so quickly Buck didn’t even know what he was doing after he was in the middle of throwing himself at the captain. All he remembered was the man pointing his gun at Bobby and pulling the trigger. When both of them landed on the ground everyone present realised the gun did not fire. Buck let himself take a deep shaky breath before he looked back at the scene and oh how he wished he didn’t. Because when he turned his head around, standing up from the ground he saw Eddie charging at the man who now knew that now there was nothing to lose. He attempted to kill Bobby so he might as well carry on with his plan.

Before Eddie managed to reach him, the man quickly reload the gun and fired.

One.

Two.

Three.

Then Eddie landed on the ground, nothing but pure shock on his face. The only thing Buck could hear was the beating of his own heart. He was on his knees when Eddie fall down and now wasn’t able to pull himself up. Completely ignoring the very real chance of being shot himself he stumbled to where Eddie was lying in a pool of his blood, hand clutching his chest.

Buck was numb.

He had no idea what was happening around him. The only thing important to him was Eddie and when he reached him he took his hand in his. Tears were streaming down his face but he didn’t even noticed.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

“They’re almost gone.” Eddie mumbled, looking at Buck.

“What?” Buck asked even though he had a pretty good idea what Eddie was talking about. But this time, this time Buck let himself hope.

“Your eyes.” Eddie smiled, his eyes closing just for a second.

Buck’s wrist started to sting.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

“Eddie. No.” Buck’s voice broke and his heart was beating so fast. “You can’t-” He couldn’t finish. He didn’t want to finish. “Think about Christopher. You can’t leave Christopher.” He cried. “You can’t leave me.” Eddie’s grip on his hand was so weak it made Buck sick. “We have an anniversary dinner to go to.” He tried, he tried to be okay. “Eddie please.”

“I know you’ll take good care of him Buck. There’s nobody in this world that I trust with him more than you, remember?” Buck could barely hear him and the pain in his wrist was increasing with every second yet it still was nothing in comparison to the pain of hi dying heart.

Okay.

“Eddie-” He wanted to say so many things but the lump in his throat wouldn’t let him.

“I know.” Eddie placed his hand on Buck’s cheek. “I love you, too.”

Buck couldn’t take it any more. Still holding Eddie’s hand, he laid his head on his chest and regretted it as soon as he heard how slow and weak Eddie’s heartbeat was. How he wished it was just a very very bad dream or some sick joke. How was he supposed to live his life now?

“Hey, look at me.” He obeyed but when he looked in Eddie’s eyes he knew exactly what was gonna happen and if it was possible, he just cried harder.

Okay.

“Don’t say it. Eddie I am begging you, please don’t say it.” Buck was shaking his head frantically. His whole body was shaking and he wasn’t sure if it ever stop. “You’re gonna be fine. I love you. So much. You’re gonna be fine, okay?” He didn't even noticed what he said until Eddie smiled at him with all the love he had for Buck in his eyes.

“Okay.” Eddie exhaled and tugged at Buck’s hand. He couldn’t see anything through the tears but he leaned down and gently pressed his lips to Eddie’s. When he pulled away he was choking on the tears. Still strongly gripping Eddie’s hand he just looked at him before he noticed that his wrist wasn’t hurting any more. The one thing he hated about himself and now the only thing he’d of Eddie was gone and he’d never imagined he’s miss it.

Buck managed to whisper one last ‘I love you’ before he felt a pair of hands pulling him away from his now forever gone soulmate.

And he was far, far away from okay.

[letgraysonsheart]

(me: googles acrobatics, realising i know nothing, writes yogaposes instead. I’m not perfectly happy myself with how it turned out, and its probably not exactly what you had in mind buut i really wanted to finish and post this for you @sassydefendorflower​ since ive been very slow asfkjdl)

Jason stares up at the cave roof, consciously having to refrain from biting his nails. Digging them into the palm of his hands instead, where no one can see, he lowers his gaze to the rocky wall instead. Having yet to grow comfortable in the manors downstairs, even if he’s visited multiple times since coming back alive, the jitteriness that’s quickly spreading in his body doesn't come as a surprise.

It’s so very different from how he used to feel before. Before everything besides Robin. The cave had been the only place where he felt really alive. Now just the memory of it makes him feel a little sad, but that's an emotion he'd rather pack up in a quaint little box, stove away and never look at again.

He’d rather focus on how his nerves are on high alert, not that he has any choice, and how he’s going to deal with that without having a meltdown. All he wants is to book it right out of there. But he can't. He needs the intel the cave-computers offer, and to access it he has to wait while Tim updates... something. He isn’t sure. The replacement was already doing it when he arrived and Tim had insisted that he couldn't quit now that he had started.

For a few seconds, he watches Tim enter and leave windows, typing a little here and there, too fast for Jason to catch what he’s doing from where he's standing a few feet behind him. Not that he’s actually interested.

It’s forcing him to be in the cave longer than he planned, which is really fucking annoying. For every sound his ears pick up he fears that it’s Bruce descending down the stairs from the manor, and he really doesn't have the spare energy to deal with that.

“He knows you’re here,” a voice rings out, and he looks towards the gym-part of the cave. Dick’s standing there, looking at him, dressed in sweats and a tank top, his hair tied into a very small ponytail with a few wild strands stuck to his forehead with sweat. “Bruce won’t come down, you can stop glaring at the stairs.”

Jason shrugs, not confirming nor denying Dick’s suspicions.

“You’re so tense I can feel it from here,” Dick continues. Jason glares at his brother, which receives him a very immature eye-roll back.

“I’m just waiting for the brat to finish whatever he’s doing so I can get outta here,” Jason answers, a little protective, “The bastard refused to send it to me.”

“Sensitive information,” Tim comments, not even turning to look at them but apparently listening in to their conversation.

“Hey, less listening, more working,” Jason barks at the younger, and he sees the muscles in Tim’s back tighten, the rhythmic tapping on the keyboard coming to a halt.

“Stop yelling at Tim, Jay, get over here. I need help with something,” Dick butts in, probably to stop Tim and his conversation before it escalates.

Jason doesn’t particularly want to do anything. Then again, he’s also rather tired of standing right up and down being stressed. So a little reluctantly, he finds himself walking over to the gym mats. When he over, Dick’s sat down on the mat, hands pressed against the ground behind him as support.  

“What’d ya need?” Jason questions, looking Dick up and down. The older looks funny, placed so far down, and looking up at him with his big blue eyes. Way too trusting. It makes Jason feel a little uneasy.

There’s a new scar, Jason notes, just under Dick's hairline and barely healed. He can't remember hearing anything about Dick getting hurt, so it probably hadn't been serious. Then again, they rarely bother to tell Jason about what's going on if it doesn't directly affect him, so who knows.

“Could you help me stretch? I just need a little bit more of a.. force,” Dick says, grinning, bringing Jason out of his thoughts. “I can help you afterward, you seem to be in desperate need of it, with how pent up you’re looking.”

“Hah, no,” Jason replies with a dry laugh, even though he doesn’t turn to leave. Watching Dick jump up onto his feet, Jason figures the older is looking much too bright for someone working out in the cave.

“Come on, at least help me out. I’ll need it before patrol tonight,” Dick argues. Jason wasn't even aware Dick was there because of a patrol. He'd just figured the older was there to hang out or something, seemed like a Dick-thing to do.

Before he gets the chance to ask about any of it, Dick has already bent down and grabbed him by the middle. Jason almost gets hit in the face by the back of a stray foot, coming against his face much too fast. Only because of his trained reflexes does he manage to grab Dick’s leg, just above the ankle, but he still startles a little.

“Now, come on,” Dick says, and Jason can feel the back of the older's head pressing against his underarm, thankful Dick doesn't mention anything about his reaction. Keeping their peace, for now. “Drag my leg towards you.”

Jason does as told, careful not to pull too hard or too fast. He’s almost a little disgusted by how flexible Dick is, and how easy he makes it look.

“Is this another one of your yoga moves?” he finds himself asking, his thoughts drifting to a different time, years ago. He feels Dick’s muscle stiffen a little, his leg almost jerking out of Jason’s hold.

“Didn’t think you remembered that,” Dick says, making a move to wanting to be let up, and Jason lets go, watching Dick straighten. The first Robin is looking at Jason with something in his eyes Jason isn’t sure if he likes or not.

Shrugging as an answer, because he does remember, no point in lying, he lets Dick study him. It hadn’t been a regular occurrence, but sometimes when Dick showed up at the cave while Jason was Robin, they’d work out together. Dick had been happy to show him some moves, lecturing him on the importance of stretching and strengthening your agility with glee.

The two of them would always end up doing wacky, very unserious, poses. All of them were always surprisingly hard and had them laying on the mats laughing, toppled over in a pile of limbs, more often than not.

Sometimes Bruce would come over and study them from the side, and Jason could remember spotting what he had suspected was fondness on the older man's face.

It had been nice, even Jason could admit that, but it’s also something for the past. It won’t be like that again, ever. Not between him and Dick, and certainly not between him and Bruce. There's been one too many deaths for that. Now the memory just leaves him with a bitter aftertaste, and the thought of Bruce studying him as he trains.. just- no.  

Dick bends down again, and this time Jason is prepared for the leg coming up, helping Dick stretch his other side too.

“Come on,” Dick grins when they're done with the stretch, any weird look from before hidden behind a mask again. "Let’s do one, just like we used to.” He’s already grabbing Jason, pushing him down on the mat, leaving little room for argument. Jason, because why the hell not, he's already there just waiting around, kicks off his boots and drops his jacket on the floor by the side of the mat.

“What about the one where we both bow down, and one leans their feet against the other ones back? Like a double bridge. That’s fairly easy,” Dick suggests, then looks Jason up and down, as if he’s judging whether it will work or not.

“I am not leaning my whole weight on you,” Jason states deadpan, “you’ll break like a twig.” He can feel Tim’s eyes on his back and pushes down the urge to yell at him again.

Sighing, Dick rolls his eyes again and plants his hands on his hips, “honestly, does everyone think I’m all flexible goo and no muscle?”

Sending a glare in Dick’s direction, Jason is already starting to regret his decision. He won't dignify the golden boy with a response either. There is no doubting Dick is strong, Jason knows that, but he is still quite a few more pounds heavier than Dick. And bulkier. They’re of very different body types, see.

“I think it would have been great, defying gravity and all that, but I guess I can let you be the foundation,” Dick relents. “Do you remember how to stand?”

He tries to ignore the itch he gets from Dick watching him as he bends down, feeling a definite pull in some of his muscles.

“Remember to keep your back straight,” Dick says, but it’s not a reprimand, just encouragement. No ill tone.

Jason feels rather ridiculous, standing there, like a human triangle. The blood is rushing to his head, and his socks are threatening to slip against the mat. Should’ve ditched them too.

He hears Dick move, and soon enough there’s a pair of feet resting on his lower back, basically his hip. “I assume you remember the importance of breathing?” he hears Dick say, and it makes him take a deep breath, almost without thinking.

Dick’s feet move, the pressure disappearing from his back, and Jason sits down on his knees.

“Okay, let’s sit down in front of each other,” Dick commands, not even asking if Jason is interested in continuing, but he does as Dick says. Might as well humor him, now that he’s started, and the sound of Tim's fingers on the keyboard is still going strong.

It’s a little awkward, he finds, suddenly sitting so close to Dick and looking right at his face. He busies himself copying Dick’s pose, his knees drawn up against his chest, so he doesn’t have to look directly into the other's eyes.

“Now, reach out your arms like so,” Dick stretches his hands out, waiting for Jason to do the same. Biting his lip he hesitates for a second before lifting his arms.

“Mirror my hold,” the older continues, grabbing Jason around his wrists in a secure hold, watching as Jason copies it.

“Okay, now we’re going to press the bottom of our feet together, and then move them while keeping them together,” Dick says, already starting to move his feet toward Jason's.

“We’re gonna what?” Jason asks, already fearing for his legs and knees. There’s no room for them to stretch their feet straight forwards, which can only mean they’re going to go upwards.

He doesn’t even know if his body does that anymore.

“Let’s do one foot at a time,” Dick suggests, pressing the bare toes on his right foot against Jason’s sock-clad ones. Dick then starts pushing both their feet upwards, and Jason lets him. He finds himself grateful that he’s wearing agile pants because man, it pulls more than he wants to admit.

Their feet are about face-level when Dick starts moving his other feet, forcing Jason’s up with it too, their knees still slightly bent.

“Let’s just try to get them as straight as possible, the feet don’t have to be completely straight lines, it’s not supposed to hurt,” Dick says, voice calm and comfortable. To his own surprise, and perhaps Dick’s too, Jason lets the older press their feet further up, again much like a triangle made up of their feet and the floor.

Their hands are still clasped together, he can feel how Dick’s are slightly clammy from having worked out, but still, the older's hold is strong and not suggesting that he’s about to let go any time soon.

“Now, we’ll breath,” Dick says, and Jason watches Dick close his eyes momentarily, taking a deep breath. Jason himself tries to let go of the still nagging itch to bite his nails. His back is towards the stairs now. Bruce might come down and Jason may not hear it. The elevator is behind him too, out of eyesight, he might miss the sound of it arriving in the cave. Bruce might suddenly be standing right behind him without Jason having any time to prepare.

He has no idea what he would do if that were to happen. Probably punch something or more likely; someone. And then run.

Just as Jason is about to break his hold on Dick's arms, his fear almost becoming too much, Dick opens his eyes, bringing their feet down again and releasing their arms. He watches his older brother opens his mouth to speak -

“Now, for the n-”

“I’m done now,” Tim exclaims, interrupting Dick, whose face turns into a scowl directed over Jason’s shoulder.

Jason hears the sound of the wheels on Tim’s chair squeaking against the floor as the younger pushes away from the computer. When Jason turns to look Tim is already up from the chair, looking much like he’s planning to leave the cave.

“As I said for the next-” Dick tries again.

This time it’s Jason who interrupts, already pushing himself up off the mats.

“No way, Goldie, I just humored you because I was sick of standing around,” he huffs, brushing away imaginary lint from his pants. “I’m gonna go get my intel now, and then head out."

Suddenly hit with what the hell he is doing, where he is, almost forgotten in sappy nostalgia, makes him feel jittery to leave again. It’s like a sledgehammer to his heart, kick-starting his anxiety.

He ignores the look on Dick’s face, something he can’t properly decipher, as the older man also gets up on his feet again.

“Come on Jay - it’s almost like old-”

Once again, Jason stops him. “Don’t,” he states, feeling anger blossom in his chest, prickling like he swallowed a cactus. “Don’t say that. Don’t even try.”

“Jason,” Dick tries, voice too soft.

“No, I’m getting my intel, and then I’m leaving,” Jason tells him, already throwing on his shoes again, pulling his jacket up off the floor. “I thought I’d made my distaste of this place perfectly clear,” he continues as he turns towards the computers, refusing to meet Dick's eyes.

From the corner of his eyes, he can see Tim getting into the elevator, not sparing either of them a second glance.

Jason stomps over to the computer, falling heavily into the chair Tim had been using only seconds ago. With a huff, he turns it on, slightly irritated that Tim even turned it off in the first place. His fingers tap impatiently against the table as he waits for it to boot up.. Freaking replacement, always trying to be as annoying as possible.

There is the sound of someone moving behind him, maybe Dick continuing his workout. As he types in his login, that for some reason Jason would rather not dwell on Bruce never removed, he tells himself that he couldn’t care less. Sending it to himself, Jason finds he doesn't give a shit about what Tim or Bruce says about sensitive information and security risks. Fuck that.

He needs to get out of there, asap.

So he hits send, deletes all traces of what he's been doing, and shuts down the computer as soon as all that's done. For a second, he stares at the dark screen, contemplating leaving a surprise for the next person who tries to use the computer. Then the sounds of Dick moving around remind him that he’s not alone which sets him in motion again.

The walk over to his bike is barely controlled, he’d much rather prefer to run, but that would be a little embarrassing. Grabbing his helmet laid abandoned by the front wheel he presses it over his hair. Thankful for the security it gives him, he climbs onto his self-built Red Hood bike.

As he starts it up, the rumble of the motor fills all of the cave, hopefully so loud that they can hear it up in the manor. The u-turn he takes as he starts up is so fast and hard his tire screeches against the floor. It's bound to leave marks, and that is so worth burning the expensive tires for. He's sure it'll annoy Bruce to no end.  

Jason never glances at Dick through all of it. He can feel the older’s eyes on his back though, following him as he speeds out of the cave. Even as the weight on his shoulders lessens with every meter he puts between himself and the cave, there is a new weight in his heart that he can't quite pinpoint.

Figuring it’s best to ignore it until it disappears, he presses the bike to go a little faster. He hopes it’ll be a long time until he has to go back to the cave again. For now, getting the hell out of there has to be enough.

[markoberposts]

LOVE ISLAND USA

I've been trying to analyze why I enjoy the daily series "Love Island" so much and I've come up with my best guess. It seems odd being that I don't like most reality TV shows, especially of the types like "The Bachelor" and "The Bachelorette". I don't really even like watching most either Talent type or Music type shows. And I don't like most of those Reality shows about celebrities such as all of those "Housewives of New Jersey" and any of those other types of related shows. I do, however, like some of the more-interesting types like this recent Reality series "Tough As Nails", as well as the Reality series "Lego Masters". But of these people types--especially focused on drama--I don't like them at all, and that includes my not liking the "Big Brother" Reality series whatsoever. Probably most of what I dislike in these regards centers from the fact that I have zero interest in soup-opera shows of any type, being that they focus on drama. And seeing a bunch of people going through dramatic emotions is just not of interest to me most of the time, being that I try to avoid drama in my life and do pretty well at it most of the time, short of how dramatic that things I'm not expecting to happen can make me feel somewhat devastated normally regarding my stress-levels. So perhaps that might have something to do with why I'm so inclined toward not liking drama whatsoever. So in regard to the Reality series "Love Island", the main reason that this show is an exception for me is because it most-of-the-time focuses more on building relationships with people of their choice rather than focusing on trying to create drama for them. And in so doing, it gives them a lot of fun and interesting experiences with each other with our being right there with them to share in all of their cool feelings for each other, especially as they start to like each other more and more. Perhaps the bikinis and sex appeal portions of the show appeals to younger people, but it doesn't focus on those things the majority of the time, and it isn't what really binds me to the show so hard. If it was all just girls in swimming suits and such, I'd honestly lose interest in it rather quickly, being that such images and sights are easy to find around anywhere nowadays whenever you might want to see them. The Internet has simply made those types of images and scenes some of the easiest things to find out there. So that most certainly isn't at all what draws me to the show. On the other hand, if the people weren't attractive, then it would be kind of hard to watch. So there is SOME importance to the contestants being good-looking, otherwise it probably wouldn't really be bearable to watch. When I was younger, my hormones made me want all of that kissing-all-over type stuff like they seem to want. But now it just seems like a lot of germs to me to watch them doing, so that's not at all what draws me to the show either. So the only thing left is that it's the romantic aspects of it...the chance that strangers might find their matches and actually fall in love while we're watching, given that they make their own choices all along, with nobody having been pre-assigned to each other such as in these past shows like "The Dating Game" or these Reality shows like "The Bachelor" where there's only one choice as far as from the other point-of-view goes...meaning that they either have to be interested in that one single person that they've come on the show for or they have to leave the show. That makes it just a wee bit too boring for me, with some of their natural freedom of choice not constantly being there like it would in true life. So I suppose that what appeals to me the MOST about it is the strong degree of freedom to choose out of anyone that arrives in the show, which over time actually offers them likely more new people than they would be meeting and getting to know out on their own away from the show. Plus, they play a lot of games, most of them being pretty interesting and fun types of games both for them and for us to watch. They're not difficult ones to watch like the torturous types of challenges that I've happened to spot briefly at times on shows like "Big Brother". They're usually fun for everyone. And what I love most about this show, which isn't found elsewhere, is that we get to see couples form as complete strangers with a number of them developing stronger and stronger LOVING relationships for each other...truly LOVING that aren't based on sex, with my believing this because the show's format generally makes it hard for them to have sex with each other, or if they do, they are always drawn into revealing about the experiences, which may not have happened yet on this show due to the constant camera surveillance that includes night vision while they sleep (except perhaps in the shower together for one or two couples, although it isn't clear that they went that far). The shows producers seem to generally pick young adults that are basically family-oriented types of people with mothers and fathers that they've stated that they somewhat feel a need to explain themselves to. So even though if they really wanted to they could have sex with each other, that isn't at all their focus, with their instead seeming to constantly regard it as their duty to strive to get to know each other better to see which of them would seemingly become good boyfriend/girlfriend material for them out in the real world after the show is over. So the producers pick people that are really much more interested in finding long-lasting mates from on this show rather than those who might just be there to try to stay paired up to the end in order to win the prize at the end. In fact, they don't even ever talk about the prize at the end, but they instead seem to think and talk solely about who seems more compatible for them as a match. So it is these unique and nice and truly-romantic qualities to this particular show that are the ONLY things that really make me like it. So I just wanted to let everyone know that this isn't really a typical type of low-quality, hedonistic, superficial-based show like so many of these dumb Reality shows are out there, but actually has some true substance to it at the heart of it, which--along with its added humor--are the ONLY reasons that I'm drawn to it like I am. And as far as the humor goes, the announcer guy is a very witty and funny guy who notices things about the people in it from unique perspectives that are really great and give an added sense of light fun to the whole show. So all in all, I hope that you guys can see why I make an exception for this show compared to so much of the other junk that's out there. And the fact that it's on almost every day makes it therefore become a rather happy and cheerful addiction most of the time. It is NOT at all a soap-opera type of show because the focus is on real people working things out to become constantly happier within their lives...their constantly learning new things about both each other and themselves in these regards along the way.    :)

[groovesnjams]

gr_OOves ‘n j A_ms       S // O // T // Y 2o2o

nO. 2/50

“Ngihamba Nawe” by Simmy ft. Sino Msolo

MG:

I have no context for the meaning of “Ngihamba Nawe” other than an abiding belief that all songs are love songs. And honestly? For much of the year I felt that it was pretty weak as far as love songs go. It’s so soft and gentle and sunlit. Where are the trials and tribulations? Where is the desperation? Why is it not a ballad? A funny thing happened. I became a, sort-of, de facto weed dealer to my sister who lives in a state where weed is not legal. I’d delivered her a three month supply in October when she visited for my mom’s birthday and we planned on me bringing some to our Christmas get together and then maybe my mom would bring some with her to my sister’s birthday in February. The plans weren’t firm, we simply trusted that because everything had always gone a certain way in our family that the footsteps of our lives would once again merge into a single path for the holidays. My husband and I spent almost the entire month of November hemming and hawing over whether or not to visit his mom for Thanksgiving (a newer but, if anything, more important tradition) before letting her know only a few days prior that we’d settled on it just not being safe. She was relieved. Shortly after, every pending family get together was cancelled like an unfun game of Mouse Trap, and I say this as someone who has spent, like, 25 consecutive years journaling to myself about how stressed out and depressed I am to live through another Christmas Day. Once I couldn’t have it anymore, it was the thing I wanted most of all. The thing my sister wanted most of all was the weed casually promised to her months prior. And in my mom we found a solution. We’d, all of us, drive to Mt. Vernon, IL and meet at the Arby’s off I-57. With all disrespect to everyone I’ve hugged on Christmas who didn’t make it to that parking lot, this year was the greatest Christmas of my whole entire life. I’m certain it won’t be topped. It was like Charlie Brown’s tree, perfect in its paltriness. Which brings me back to “Ngihamba Nawe.” It’s obviously a love song, but not all love is bass drum and melodramatic keys. In fact, that’s some of the worst love out there. It’s the love that mandates you sit in a stiff chair, in a poorly lit living room, repeating “ooohhhh, not too much, how about you?” to all the people you’re lucky enough to avoid the rest of the year. The best, the happiest, the most unforced and the brightest love is right here on “Ngihamba Nawe” and I’d taken it all for granted, too long.

DV:

Early in the US lockdown period, before anyone knew quite what was going on or how long it’d last, my partner and I watched She-Ra and the Princesses of Power, and I’ve kept coming back to it in the months since as a bright spot in the darkness. This is an exceptionally sweet, optimistic story about two people finding themselves and each other and saving the universe because of it. Not every relationship has a Catra and an Adora? Presumably? But all I really know is that months later I still feel emotionally overwhelmed every time I think of Catra getting the happy ending she spends the whole story hopelessly grasping for. It feels so improbable, so lucky, and in retrospect so inevitable - in the way only a beautifully executed narrative can be. And to be super corny about it I feel improbably lucky in having found my partner, and I hear that improbability in “Ngihamba Nawe”, the sweetest song from an album that won’t even get a physical release in the US - much less a review anywhere in the Western hemisphere besides The Singles Jukebox. The lyric, a duet, narrates a couple trying to feel out whether they’re each into the other. They take turns describing their uncertainties; they find out they need not have doubted. It’s as certain as a perfect romantic comedy and perfectly as satisfying to discover that of course they belong together: the production, from Sun-El Musician, tells you as much from the warm embrace of its first tone. “There are many others but I still choose you,” Simmy sings, her voice an unmistakable embrace. And “I choose you” is a lyric with a lot of history behind it, but Simmy leads into it with an emphasis on the significance of choice. Love is meaningful because it’s a decision we make with each other, because we could move in other directions but know that there’s only one future that actually makes sense and it’s one together. The chance of meeting someone amongst the chaos of life is beautiful, but more beautiful is the chance that you can continue to grow with each other after that moment, that you choose each other again and again, as you learn and discover more about each other and yourselves. True romance is discovery, from the first moment on. And my hope for the future is that we each deserve the glorious sunlit lands that “Ngihamba Nawe” promises.

[skepticalcatfrog]

Among The Stars Chapter 7

First Chapter Previous Chapter Next Chapter

Summary: Logan Watts is a famous scientist, known by almost everyone in the galaxy. His most famous invention is his friend and assistant, a healthcare android named Patton. When they are called to another planet for a meeting with the local ruler, they’re expecting a completely normal trip. Little did they know, this trip would send them into a daring adventure to protect their galaxy and stop a war. Teamed up with unlikely friends, including a runaway gladiator and an infamous crime trio, Logan and Patton have to figure out how to make peace and save their universe (and beyond) from being destroyed.

Pairings: (Eventual) Logicality, Prinxiety, and Demus

Word count: 3,159

Author’s Notes: It’s been a while! I know that this fic has been seemingly moving slower than the other one (it feels like that to me, at least), but I am still working on it! However, it will probably take even longer after this, since I’ll be throwing another fic into the mix. Which will be the next thing I post, by the way! So look out for that!

The next morning was eerily normal. Roman had just received earth-shattering news, Dalton had delivered it, and no one else knew. As far as Roman was concerned, it was a good thing that no one else knew. He didn’t need any more stress than he was already under.

The first one awake was Logan. He got dressed, then made himself a cup of coffee using the coffee machine in his room. He didn’t really need it, but it was better for everyone if he had it. The third step of his morning routine was to flip the switch on the wall next to Patton’s charging pod. Patton couldn’t wake up unless someone told him to.

Patton’s wide eyes blinked open and the shield around his charging pod dissolved. He smiled at Logan. “Morning, Lo.”

“Good morning, Patton.” Logan held out his hand, and Patton held out his arm. This was something they did every morning, just to make sure that Patton’s charger had worked overnight. Logan rolled up Patton’s sleeve, and surely enough, the energy bar on his right wrist was green.

“Hold on, let me just-” Patton took a big step closer to Logan and stood in front of him. He raised his hands and began running them through Logan’s hair, neatening it for him. His face scrunched up and his eyes squinted in concentration. He relaxed again once he was done working, a wide smile crossing his face. “There, perfect. Wait, one more thing!”

Patton went to Logan’s wardrobe, and with a few clicks of a button, he was back. In his hands was a blue striped tie, the one he knew was Logan’s favorite. He took his spot in front of Logan again, and put the tie on for him. The single secret that Logan would take to his grave was that he still didn’t know how to tie a tie. Patton’s smile returned once he was finished. “Okay, now I’m done.”

Looking at his companion’s face, Logan couldn’t help but smile too. His, however, wasn’t quite as enthusiastic. They caught each other’s eyes, and Patton’s smile softened. They stared at each other for just a little bit too long for it to still mean nothing. Then, all at once, Logan turned away and the spell was broken. Patton picked up his glasses from the table behind him and put them on.

“We should probably check on the others, don’t you think?” Logan suggested.

“Yeah, yeah, definitely.” Patton agreed.

They left Logan’s room and went downstairs, into the kitchen, where a full-on war was being fought. Dalton and Remus stood on the counter in the center of the room, back to back and circling around as if someone would sneak up on them. Remus was armed with a rolling pin, Dalton with a frying pan. Stepping to the side a little, Patton caught a glimpse of Roman hiding underneath the same counter. He was armed with nothing, but had a metal bowl on his head like a helmet. Virgil was nowhere to be found.

“What in the universe is going on in here?!” Logan exclaimed.

“We were making breakfast. Now it’s a battle.” Remus explained briefly. “The number of casualties is unknown. The whole thing has been a blur.”

“I didn’t know it was a fight. Suddenly I was just being hit by things, and I ended up hiding under here.” Roman came out from his hiding place. “Apparently it was a better spot than I thought it was.”

“Oh trust me, we knew you were there. We just stood on top of the counter so you wouldn’t leave.” Dalton stepped down to the ground and put the frying pan back on the shelf he’d gotten it from. Remus tapped Roman on the head with the rolling pin one more time before putting it away, making a sound like a muffled bell on the metal bowl that Roman was still wearing on his head.

“You three are way too prepared to fight each other all the time.” Patton shook his head disapprovingly. “I think we need to do something about that.”

“I quite agree, Patton.” Logan shared a conspiratory glance with his companion. “And I believe we both know what needs to be done.”

“How about we find Virgil, and do some fun team building exercises?” Patton beamed and clapped his hands once.

“Are you kidding?” Dalton raised an eyebrow. “This has to be a joke. There’s no way I’m doing team building exercises.”

Logan shook his head. “I beg to differ. After all, you don’t have a choice in the matter.”

“I, for one, am definitely in favor of this.” Remus decided. Patton looked like he was about to say something positive, but then Remus continued. “I think that a fight to the death would make a good team building exercise. Like a tournament! Then whoever’s still alive by the end gets to dispose of the bodies.”

“No. No fights to the death.” Roman was the quickest to shoot down that suggestion. Dalton shot him a knowing glare.

“I’m sorry, what about fights to the death?” It was at that moment that Virgil decided to show up.

“Oh, don’t worry, we’re not doing that.” Patton assured him. “We’re doing team building exercises!”

Virgil laughed. “How’d you get them to agree to that?” He gestured between Dalton and Remus.

“He didn’t.” Dalton grumbled.

“Maybe I would’ve agreed if you guys had considered my idea.” Remus pouted.

“These exercises are to practice not killing each other.” Logan deadpanned. “I’m sure you can see how our two plans wouldn’t match up in that way.”

“I’m with Logan and Patton here, you guys.” Virgil nodded. Dalton’s jaw dropped. “Don’t act surprised, you know they’re right.”

“Thank you, Virgil!” Patton smiled brightly. “Now, let’s go to the training room and put something together!”

Patton led the mostly reluctant group to the aforementioned training room. The oblong room was very empty, and next to the bright blue lights, the pristine white walls seemed to shine as well. The floor was made up of white panels of metal, and the ceiling was the same. Upon entering, Logan already had an idea.

“Patton, I hope you don’t mind if I take the lead for a moment.” He stepped forward and pressed a button on the wall. One floor panel began descending, and eight spherical drones rose from a hidden compartment. Once they were all out, the floor panel returned to its original position. “These drones will deliver an electric shock if touched. While it isn’t even strong enough to stun, it will be quite unpleasant. Your task is to-”

Before he could finish talking, Remus dashed forward and placed his hand directly on one of the drones. A loud buzzing sound filled the room, and Remus removed his hand.

“Yup, they work!” Remus exclaimed proudly as he rejoined the group. Dalton shook his head as if he disapproved, but Virgil noticed the fond smile that crossed his face.

“As I was saying, your task is to destroy all eight drones while blindfolded.” Logan continued.

“But that’s not possible!” Roman’s brow furrowed as he examined the drones.

“That’s where you’re wrong.” Logan said. “You will be blindfolded, but you will be able to rely on your sense of hearing, as well as the guidance of one other teammate. I understand that, since you spoke up, you are volunteering to go first?”

“Sure.” Roman took a thin red cylinder out of his pocket. With one flick of his wrist, the thin blade of his sword extended from the end of it. “Virgil, do you think you could be my guide for this one?”

Virgil’s face brightened. “Of course, yeah!”

“Not a chance, lover boy.” Dalton shook his head and met Roman’s eyes with a glare so strong that the gladiator almost had to look away. “I’m doing it.”

“What?! No!” Roman’s gaze flickered from Dalton to Patton. “That’s not part of the rules, he can’t just do that!”

“Actually, I think that might be better. You guys don’t get along at all, you need these exercises the most.” Patton explained, an apology in his eyes.

“Fine. Just- just give me the blindfold.” Roman held out his hand. Logan removed his tie and handed it to Roman, who tightened it around his head.

“Now stand in the center of where the drones are positioned.” Logan instructed.

“Also known as, walk forward until I tell you to stop.” Dalton decided that it was time for him to step in.

Roman, however hesitantly, began walking. He took one step, then another, and another, until it seemed like too many. Which it was. He collided head-first with one of the drones, and for a second he thought that he’d just felt what it was like to be dead.

“Shit! Ow!” Roman swung his sword, but didn’t hit anything. “Why didn’t you warn me about that one?!”

“Because I didn’t want to, and that was pretty funny.” Dalton explained. “Oh, and they’re moving now, by the way. On your left.”

Sure enough, when Roman slashed with his sword to the left, he heard the crunch of a drone being crushed. Seven to go.

“Jump.” Dalton said as if it was the least important thing in the galaxy. Still, Roman jumped, and he heard a drone whiz past his feet.

As the drones flew around faster and faster, Dalton became more enthusiastic in his directions. He seemed to focus more on the fact that he was protecting someone, and less on the fact that Roman was the one he was protecting. Neither of them would ever admit it, but they actually made a pretty good team. Soon enough, all eight drones had been taken down.

Once Roman couldn’t hear the drones anymore, he took his blindfold off, a triumphant grin on his face. “That’s how it’s done!”

He jogged back to the rest of the group and held his hand up. On instinct, Dalton returned the gesture, and they high-fived. It took a fraction of a second for both of them to realize what they’d just done. Roman crossed his arms and glanced around the room awkwardly, and Dalton scowled at the floor.

“That went really well!” Patton clapped. “I’m proud of you guys!”

“Yeah, well I think I’ve had enough team bonding for one lifetime. I’m out of here.” Dalton headed for the door. “Call me when we’re doing something important.”

Patton looked crestfallen as he left. Virgil put a supportive hand on his shoulder. “Don’t worry, it’s nothing personal. He’s just like that sometimes.”

“I know, I was just hoping that maybe he’d stick around a little longer.” Patton frowned.

“I’ll go after him! If anyone can figure out what’s going on, it’s me.” Remus volunteered, going out the door.

Dalton was lying on the bed in his room, staring at the ceiling and lost in thought. When he heard the door open, he turned his head to see who it was. Sure enough, there was Remus, who hadn’t knocked on the door.

“What, did they send you up here to talk me into going back downstairs?” Dalton smirked.

“Nah, I came here because I wanted to.” Remus sat on the floor next to the bed. “But I was wondering what happened back there. It was like, the second you had a positive interaction with Roman, you decided that it was time to leave.”

“Well yeah, I don’t trust him. He's… he’s not as great as everyone thinks he is, let’s just put it that way.” Dalton sighed. “Not to mention the fact that Virgil’s totally in love with him. I have to be the one to keep him in line, or someone’s going to get hurt.”

“I hear you.” Remus nodded. “But look at it this way: if you make him think that you trust him, and he does end up stabbing us in the back, then you get to kick his ass!”

That earned a laugh from Dalton. Remus took pride in his ability to make him laugh. “I guess you’re right. Do you think I should go talk to him?”

“Wait, is that what you got from all this?” Remus asked, eyebrow raised. Dalton looked very confused for a moment, but Remus couldn’t hold his serious expression for too long. “Kidding! I do think you should talk to him. And make sure to really sell that you want to get along, maybe even apologize once or twice if you can stand it. I wouldn’t hold it against you if you didn’t do that last part, though.”

“Yeah, I think I might actually die if I looked at that royal pain and said the words I’m sorry.” Dalton shuddered. “I’d never be able to look at myself again!”

“You make a good point.” Remus stood up and stretched.

“I always do.” Dalton shifted into a sitting position and stood up. He tapped Remus on the shoulder, then he was out the door.

~~~

After Remus left, no one else really saw a point in being there. Two of them were already gone, so there wasn’t any reason for the rest of them to stay. Logan went to the control room to check on how the ship was doing. Patton had gone to the lab to neaten up some of the equipment. Roman had retreated back to his room. He was pacing around, thinking about what could have possibly made Dalton leave the way he did. Was he really just that insufferable to be around? He thought that they’d worked pretty well together, but despite that, Dalton had still chosen to leave. Maybe, Roman thought, he should go and talk to him.

He went to open the door. Right there on the other side was Virgil, who had clearly been about to knock.

“Oh. Hi.” Virgil smiled awkwardly. “Do you mind if I come in, or were you headed somewhere?”

“No, no, I wasn’t going anywhere!” Roman lied. He stepped to the side. “Come on in.”

Virgil entered the room and sat down on Roman’s bed. “So, I actually came here because I wanted to talk about something.”

“And what would that be?” Roman sat down next to him.

“I was just wondering… if you would help me write a bucket list?” Virgil asked. Roman’s eyes widened, and Virgil was quick to clarify. “Not that I think I’m going to die soon, I just realized that there are a ton of things that I haven’t done, and I thought of a few things that I definitely want to do before my inevitable destruction. So I thought I’d make a list. And you’re the only person who encourages me to do whatever I want, which brought me here.”

“Okay… yeah, that makes sense.” Roman nodded. “Did you bring something to write on?”

Virgil held out his hand and pressed a few buttons on his wrist. A holographic screen with a keyboard at the bottom popped up. “It was originally supposed to be used for trial-and-error tests, to keep track of results, but I haven’t really had very many opportunities to use it.”

“Well then you can use it now!” Roman smiled brightly. “Anyway, what were a few things you had in mind for this list?”

“I’ve never held a sword… I haven’t been out of the galaxy… I’ve never gone anywhere without Remus and Dalton… Huh. I’ve never actually read a real book. I’m just now realizing how ridiculous that is.” Virgil laughed softly as he wrote down what he was saying. “I’ve never saved anyone’s life before, even though that’s technically what I was made to do. And that’s all I’ve got.”

“Hm. Have you ever… acted in a play? Been to a mall? Climbed a mountain, maybe?” Roman suggested. Virgil wrote down every word. “And that’s seven things! I think we did pretty well.”

“Yeah, we did.” Virgil turned his head, and Roman was still right next to him. Right next to him, looking him in the eyes with a certain type of intensity that only made Virgil want to get even closer. He was certain that he’d been in that exact situation before, but this time he didn’t feel the need to get out of it. “You know… I’ve also never kissed a guy before.”

“Really? Well, I wouldn’t put that one on the list.” Roman began to lean in. “Since it’s an easy fix.”

Virgil was quick to close the gap. The moment he did, he decided that he was experiencing the best moment of his life. Roman could’ve said the same. He put his hand over Virgil’s heart, feeling the steady tick that he’d grown familiar with. They were so caught up in each other that neither of them noticed the door open. That is, not right away.

“Are you kidding me right now?” A voice spoke. They pulled away from each other to see who it was. There in the doorway was Dalton, his eyes burning with a strange mix of what appeared to be hatred and betrayal. “And to think, I came here to apologise to you.”

Roman stood up, holding his head high. “Yeah, as if you would’ve done that anyway.”

“For once, you’re right! I definitely wouldn’t have!” Dalton hissed. Then he turned his attention to Virgil. “And you! You haven’t listened to a word I said since you saw him! It’s almost like you see one pretty face and tune out all reason! I’m willing to forgive you though, if you just promise me that this will never happen again.”

“That’s not your choice to make.” Virgil spoke up. “Can you let me live, just once?”

“Not when you insist on being reckless! He’s dangerous, Virgil, and I’m just going to need you to trust me on that.” Dalton pleaded.

“I’m not sure I can trust you on anything anymore.” Virgil muttered, averting his eyes.

Dalton took a deep breath. “Okay then. I hoped it wouldn’t come to this, but I guess I have no choice.” His voice was unsettlingly calm, and Roman knew exactly what he planned to do.

And just like that, Dalton was off like a shot. He sped down the hallway towards the elevator, Roman right behind him. He frantically pressed the button on the wall until the doors slid open, and once inside, he selected the control room. The transparent doors of the elevator closed right as Roman got to them, and Dalton smirked at him from the inside. Roman hit the doors repeatedly, to no avail.

The elevator went down, lower and lower until it reached the bottom floor. It stopped abruptly, emitting a quiet ding as the doors opened. Logan looked up from what he was working on.

“Dalton. Is there something I can-”

“Not the time.” Dalton held up his hand to stop Logan from saying any more. “I have something important that I think you need to know. It’s about Roman.”

Taglist: @idkwhyimhere0o0 @icequeenoriginal @mostpeopleannoyne @007ardra @multifandomnightmare @queerlyfabulous

[prettywordsyouleft]

The Right Choice - Part 8 (Final)

Summary: You had hoped going to Korea to look after your estranged grandmother would allow you to connect in some way to your mother’s culture. However, being half-Korean and a single mother meant you would face the stigma of a narrow-minded society instead. Had you really made the right choice to come here?

Pairing: Mark Tuan x reader

Genre: single mother au / strangers to lovers au / self-growth / angst / romance

Warnings: open prejudice and stigma over solo parenting

A/N; Although the warnings seem rather negative, this story is one I hope a lot of you will enjoy! I’ve wanted to write this for over eight months now, and I’m glad I finally sat down to do so. It isn’t as dark as it sounds, and nor is it intentionally a dig at Korean culture as a whole.

The Right Choice will be posted daily at 10am NZST.

Parts: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8

“Emerson!” you called out, looking for your daughter within the bustle.

“Eunjung-ie,” another voice crooned and you followed it, placing your hands on your hips when you found the three year old happily nestled in the older lady’s lap. Your grandmother shot you a smirk, smoothing down your rambunctious daughter’s hair. “Eunjung, Mummy looks a bit stressed out, don’t you think?”

“She does!” the young child agreed, peering up at you with wide eyes. “Why are you so mad, Mummy? Today is special!”

“That’s right!”

You eyed them and let out a huff of air. “Are you both done?”

“Are we done, Grandma?”

“Hm, I don’t know, we could keep going, couldn’t we?”

“Very funny,” you commented dryly as the pair broke out into giggles. “I’m over here worried that she’s going to stain that dress or ruin her hair or I’m not going to look good-”

“You already look beautiful,” your father interjected, kissing your cheek and breaking down for the tenth time so far. “My baby is all grown up!”

“I’m the baby!” Emerson whined and you groaned.

Getting married was supposed to be one the most wonderful days of your life. As you looked at three of the most important people in your life, you couldn’t help but smile.

Today was wonderful.

Even if your Dad couldn’t stop breaking down, which had caused you to retouch your make up at least twice now when you teared up with him. And Emerson had been running around the bridal room all morning long, burning off the endless energy she seemed to always have these days and almost destroyed the hard work of the hairstylist and dressmaker. Then there was the astute woman in her chair, bossing everyone around as if this was her event to organise.

It kind of had been. When you had told your grandmother that you were going to marry Mark, she had insisted on being a part of the entire journey.

“I wasn’t there to see my only daughter get married, I’ll be making sure I see you go down the aisle, Y/N.”

You were thankful for the older woman, despite the headaches that had come with her out-of-date suggestions.

But it would be all worth it. In less than an hour, you would be walking down the aisle to marry the man of your dreams.

Mark had accepted you, your daughter, and your family too. He was who grounded you when you were frazzled and kept you guessing for what was to come. He had easily stepped into the family from the beginning, a solace for your Dad in a land of hard-headed women, a voice of reason when it came to your grandmother and her blunt opinions, and a friend then father figure to Emerson.

Marrying Mark today would be the best thing to happen in your life.

You just had to make it down the aisle first.

“Mummy, are you breathing?”

“Its nerves, Eunjung-ie, Mummy might pass out with how tight that dress is though.”

“If only your mother was here to see you get married today,” your father said with a toot of his nose, fresh tears falling once more.

You closed your own eyes, shutting out everything around you.

The room eventually fell silent and when you had recomposed yourself enough from your panic, you opened your eyes to see only one woman before you.

“Your father is right, if only she was here.”

“I think she is,” you told your grandmother with a watery smile. “Can’t you feel her spirit in the air?”

“She’s within you, I know it.”

“If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be here today,” you told her, and she shook her head. “I’m serious. Had you not needed me to assist you when you were unwell, I wouldn’t have met Mark or-”

“It’s your mother’s doing,” your grandmother admitted and you frowned. After wrapping your hands over hers, she continued. “I saw her in a dream. She told me enough time had passed by and to stop being so lonely. That she would come to me. And she did. In the form of you.”

“You’re as bad as Dad is at getting me to cry today,” you muttered, blinking rapidly and tilting your head back to avoid ruining your makeup again.

“I love you, Y/N. I love everything about you. Especially your eyes.”

“Mum’s eyes were brown though,” you pointed out and the woman before you nodded, chuckling lightly.

“I wouldn’t change anything about you. Okay, well if you did have her eyes…”

“Grandma!”

She chuckled some more and rubbed at your hands. “Your mother married your father for love. I realised that too late. Watching you fall in love with Mark made me regret a lot. I missed out on seeing that. But I’m so happy my beautiful girl is marrying her Taiwanese fiancé and-”

“You had to throw that out there!”

“I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t.”

“You’re lucky I understand your blunt mannerisms now, Grandma.”

“I’m lucky, full stop.” She tapped you on your behind playfully, scooting you towards the exit. “Come, it’s time for Mark to be just as lucky as I am.”

“Mummy, when is the baby coming out?”

Glancing over at your daughter, you then rolled your eyes. “When he’s ready to, apparently.”

“But you were due two days ago,” Emerson said, pointing to the calendar that had been circled with the due date. “Grandma said that because you didn’t listen to her and go to the temple in your first trimester, he’s going to be super stubborn.”

“Must you recite everything that woman says?” you muttered, attempting to rock to the other side of your bottom in hopes it would ease some of the pressure you were feeling down there. Everything ached and you were more than done with being pregnant now.

“Mummy will no doubt bring your brother into the world in the next day or so,” Mark stated and you glared up at your husband who shrugged gently. “Mummy would like him to vacate his home inside of her right now though.”

“Can I go stay with Grandma until he’s here? Mummy’s cranky.”

“Emmie, sweetie,” you breathed, smiling at her. You took your now five year old’s hand and relied on her to help you move. The relief was immediate and you sighed in content.

“Did you just use me!?”

“What are children for,” you grumbled, shooting another look at Mark who seemed to ignore it and scooped Emerson up into his arms.

“Sure, you can go stay with Grandma. Grandpa is over there today helping her set up a praying station for the baby’s delivery.”

“I want to go pray with her!”

“Someone best start praying that this baby gets out soon!” you whined, breathing heavily.

By the time Mark returned from dropping Emerson off at the family home, you were in a better mood. Your son had stopped pressing on the spot in your back that he had been and you had managed to eat something as well.

It was the small things in life, and you would appreciate them all whilst you were this heavily pregnant.

Things over the last few years had been very up and down. You had been successful in setting up the company with your Dad, and then your grandmother’s health waned. Taking time off from work seemed to perk the elder up, having you at her beck and call was her favourite thing, you were certain of it. When you married Mark and moved out, however, things changed again. Your daughter was still besotted with your grandmother, mostly because she spoilt her rotten. It was because she hadn’t done that with you, so she would say, but Emerson had an innate ability to have the woman wrapped around every finger her hand possessed. You had gone back to working and for a while there everything was stable.

Until your morning sickness settled in. Your entire pregnancy with your son was different than with Emerson. At first, your Grandmother had been ill along with you. But when it was found out you were pregnant, she proclaimed she had been dreaming of a new star in the sky for weeks on end before your announcement.

And if she had been bad enough with all her traditions during your wedding preparation, the experience with pregnancy was far worse. You loved her, you truly did, but sometimes you wished to be back overseas and enjoying a more peaceful pregnancy.

“Nothing is dull around here with us,” Mark murmured once he pulled you into his arms, smiling down at you. “If it’s not Emerson, it’s your Grandmother. And if it’s not either of them-”

“Don’t finish that sentence.”

“Your hormones are so unattractive,” he commented, smiling all the same.

“That’s basically informing me that you find me ugly right now.”

“Like I said, like Grandmother, like granddaughter.” Mark dodged your hand that you went to slap him with. “And like great-granddaughter too.”

“Do you wish you married into another family instead?”

“Now what would I do that? Our melting pot is just right.”

You grinned, nestling into your husband’s embrace. As he held you and rubbed at your exhausted body gently, you glanced over at the photo of your mother on the wall. You had a lot to thank her for. The way she had raised you had led you to become a strong-minded and independent woman. You had reached out for goals and you had made a lot of choices over your years.

The right choice was coming to Korea though. Had you not, you would have missed out on reconnecting with a part of yourself, and meeting the man of your dreams.

And whilst you had been sure of your life back in America, your world now was unpredictable, full of chaos, and tumultuous compared. Especially since you were about to give birth to a child that was already as stubborn as all those around you.

Smiling at the photo, you silently thanked the woman before you, and then the man that held you now.

You were ready to see how the rest of your life’s story would pan out.

_________________

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