#i just think they're funny to use on grown men

[haute-honey]

astro obs.

🤸🏽‍♀️ Libras are always expected to give others something. Others always seem to look to them to give them their time, energy, love, affection, hell even their life. Of course they have issues with people pleasing because people naturally want to take take take from them. When they try to establish boundaries, all hell breaks loose leading them to never try to establish them again.

🤸🏽‍♀️ Speaking of Libra, I'm seeing a lot of posts about how *gay* we are lol Which made me wonder and think back on all the times I've had other women who I thought I was in true platonic friendships with fall head over heels in love with me and admit their true feelings to me. First time it happened I was literally in 4th grade.... How do we hetero Libras turn the gayness off or are y'all going off of what is stereotypically gay?

🤸🏽‍♀️ Libra rising are indecisive because when they make a hasty decision or impulsive decision, 9 times out of 10 it blows up in their face. Let them take their time dammit!

🤸🏽‍♀️ + libra rising kids not only experience bullying/jealousy/evil eye from their peers, they'll even experience it from full grown adults.

🤸🏽‍♀️ I saw someone mention that not liking 6th house synastry is because you enjoy toxicity in relationships...and I disagree. I think 6th house synastry depends on the type of relationship and the sign that it is in. For me, the 6th house works more for friendships and professional relationships rather than romantic relationships. As a straight woman, the sign my 6h is in is not ideal for a relationship for me due to other placements in my chart.

🤸🏽‍♀️ Furthermore, what synastry works for you best or what synastry you find to be most romantic is based on you and your chart. Don't let any of these "astrology girlies" pump your head up with bs just because it works for them.

🤸🏽‍♀️ Fellow scorpio placements (esp you scorpio suns) I'm gonna hold your hand when I say this, someone making you aware when you're exhibiting toxic/bad behavior does not equate to them being unloyal or betraying you. You need people around you that'll hold you accountable for the fucked up shit you do sometimes. No, it doesn't make them a snake or mean that they don't love you but my god, get a grip girl and be so motherfuckingly forreal.

🤸🏽‍♀️ Aquarius men aren't the challenge yall think they are... they're just detached. If that is not your style of love, move along.

🤸🏽‍♀️ Lilith energy is for women/feminines. If you are looking at Lilith through a synastry chart, the one who holds that power when it comes to how Lilith is placed is the feminine in the equation (if there is one). Men/masculines are subdued by Lilith. Not the other way around. For example, if a man's Lilith conjuncts a woman's Venus, he won't be able to use that power over her because he will not connect to it and will not know how to use it.

🤸🏽‍♀️ It is SO FUNNY when I read other observations on Libra placements. Its either we are mean girls/bullies or we are fake/people pleasers lmfao As someone with a lot of prominent Libra placements and influence, I have always had to deal with the fake allegations or the bitchy/intimidating mean girl allegations. Its like if we're not kissing ass we are the meanest bitches but if we are trying to make an effort to please everyone, we are people pleasing fake ass bitches 😆 I need y'all to pick a side and stay there when addressing Libras.

🤸🏽‍♀️ To say a venusian ruled person (Libra/Taurus suns, risings, venus) is a copy cat is laughable because they are the ones getting their swag stolen or having people wanting to be their friends to siphon their aura/vibe. Ex: Cleopatra a Taurus sun (Venus) had her "friend" copy her entire style/aesthetic.

🤸🏽‍♀️ I applaud the female/feminine Libras who have given up on pleasing others and have taken on the bitch allegations with pride because fuck these people. Y'all are weirdos who expect pretty women to fit into whatever box you feel like they should to appease your own self esteem. Seek help.

🤸🏽‍♀️ Degrees absolutely have effects on the natal chart and don't let anyone tell you otherwise! You might resonate more with whatever sign rules over the degree of your sign or rising rather than the actual sign that sit in those placements.

🤸🏽‍♀️ I saw someone say that a unevolved Sagittarius man is scared of sex........... while that could be true they are more often than not sexual deviants when unevolved.

🤸🏽‍♀️ Speaking of sagittarius, Jupiter ruled people quite literally NEED Jupiter to help them out and provide them with more luck than the rest of us because these people are the ultimate self sabotagers. They love trouble, they enjoy creating chaos often then not. And Jupiter is always there to put out the fires they start.

🤸🏽‍♀️ You can't really tell anyone what synastry is best for romantic relationships vs which ones you deem worse because at the end of the day it is all about preferences. If you like a familial feel to your relationships, you'll probably like 4th house synastry. However, if you're like me and come from a veryyyy dysfunctional family, 4h synastry will repulse you. So figure out your own vibe and what you like in a relationship and go from there.

🤸🏽‍♀️ Women with prominent sagittarius placements often are seen by outsiders as the "cool" or "fun" moms when really they can be verrrrrry neglectful towards their children. Ask me how I know lol

🤸🏽‍♀️ Saw someone say that Scorpio sun and moon placements can be backhandedly bully people and this is when I have to bring up the issues of generalization when y'all are making these "observation" posts. Any placement has the potential to be a bully. Literally any of them. However, why Scorpio sun and/or moon might stand out is because they can be LETHAL with their words (ex. Tia Kemp - Scorpio sun). Like they really know how to cut somebody up with their words and they are QUICK with it. Kind of like a scorpion with their tail. So be mindful and don't take it there with them if you can't keep up because you'll need therapy after they get done with you.

🤸🏽‍♀️ Scorpio moon women are either resenting other women or being resented by other women. It can go either way.

🤸🏽‍♀️ Gemini women are the ladies that look a mess 99% of the time and I like that about them.

[inkskinned]

she's three years younger than i am, and i put on cascada as a throwback, cackling - before your time! i've been borrowing my brother's car, and it's older than dirt, so the trunk is like, maybe permanently locked. when the sun comes through the window to frame her cheekbones, i feel like i'm 16 again. i shake when i'm kissing her, worried i won't get it right.

in 2003, my state made gay marriage legal. where she grew up, it wasn't legal until 11 years later - 10 years ago. if legal protections for gay marriage were a person, that person would be entering 5th grade. online, a white gay man calls the fight for legal marriage boring, which isn't kind of him but it is a common enough opinion.

it has only been 9 years since gay marriage was nationally official. it is already boring to have gay people in your tv. it is already boring to mention being gay - "why make it your entire personality?" i know siblings that have a larger age gap than the amount of time it's been legally protected. i recently saw a grown man record himself crying about how evil gay people are. he was begging us, red in the face - just do better.

i am absolutely ruined any time my girlfriend talks about being 27 (i know!! a child!), but we actually attended undergrad at the same time since i had taken off time to work between high school and college. while walking through the city, we drop our hands, try not to look too often at each other. the other day i went to an open mic in a basement. the headlining comedian said being lesbian isn't interesting, but i am a lesbian, if you care. as a joke, she had any lesbian raise their hand if present. i raised mine, weirdly embarrassed at being the single hand in a sea of other faces. she had everyone give me a round of applause. i felt something between pride and also throwing up.

sometimes one thing is also another thing. i keep thinking about my uncle. he died in the hospital without his husband of 35 years - they were not legally wed, so his husband could not enter. this sounds like it should be from 1950. it happened in 2007. harassment and abuse and financial hardship still follow any person who is trying to get married while disabled. marriage equality isn't really equal yet.

and i don't know that i can ever put a name to what i'm experiencing. sometimes it just feels... so odd to watch the balance. people are fundamentally uninterested in your identity, but also - like, there's a whole fucking bastion of rabid men and women who want to kill you. your friends roll their eyes you're gay we get it and that is funny but like. when you asked your father do you still love me? he just said go to your room. you haven't told your grandmother. disney is on their 390th "first" gay representation, but also cancelled owl house and censored the fuck out of gravity falls. you actively got bullied for being gay, but your advisor told you to find a different gimmick for your college essay - everyone says they're gay these days.

once while you were having a hard day you cried about the fact that the reason our story is so fucking boring to so many people is that it is so similar. that it is rare for one of us to just, like, have a good experience across the board. that our stories often have very parallel bends - the dehumanization, the trauma, the trouble with trusting again. these become rote instead of disgusting. how bad could it be if it is happening to so many people?

i kiss my girlfriend when nobody is looking. i like her jawline and how her hands splay when she's making a joke. there is nothing new about this story, sappho. i love her like opening up the sun. like folding peace between the layers of my life, a buttercream of euphoria, freckles and laughter and wonder.

my dad knows about her. i've been out to him since i was 18 - roughly four years before the supreme court would protect us. the other day he flipped down the sun visor while driving me to the eye doctor. "you need to accept that your body was made for a husband. you want to be a mother because you were made for men, not women." he wants me to date my old high school boyfriend. i gagged about it, and he shook his head. he said - "don't be so dramatic. you can get used to anything."

the other day a straight friend of mine snorted down her nose about it, accidentally echoing him - she said there are bigger problems in this world than planning a wedding.

[propheticbride]

Lamb to Slaughter V

𐙚 Aemond's plans are laid bare, and so are you.

𐙚 Aemond x Reader (tw: manipulation, incest, suggestive)

(A/N- hi besties... im alive. also reader being strictly a Helaena defender and not an Alicent defender is so funny to me.. anyways enjoy)

“Behold! The traitor dragon Meleys!”

The surrounding small folk began to cheer.

“Slain at Rook’s Rest by your King!”

You gasp softly, hands finding Aemond’s arm and gripping it firmly. From the corner of your eye, you watch him slowly glance at you, then return his gaze back to the carriage carrying the dead dragon’s head.

Things had been…awkward. You barely graced either boy’s bed, slipping back into childish traditions and laying beside Helaena at night. Almost like she knew that you had stopped sleeping with Aegon, she had allowed you into her bed and had begun holding you.

She was no replacement for your mother, but things had been tense there too. Only sharing fleeting glances at one another when passing in halls.

“I thought dragons were gods.” you murmur to him.

“They are.” he nods.

You shake your head. “They're just meat.”

Aemond sighs.

“Where is Aegon?” you ask him. “He survived the battle did he not?”

“Why do you care so much for our brother? He is not your husband.”

“As I am not yours.” you bitterly reply.

“You could have been.” he assures.

“Wouldn't you rather marry that whore you visit so often? What was her name again? Aegon told me but it seems to be slipping my mind.” you shake your head.

“Don't.” it comes out as almost he’s begging.

“Don't.” you mock his voice. “Where is Aegon?”

Aemond grins, and points to the box that follows behind the horses. You gasp and turn to rush after him.

✮⋆˙

“Is he dead?” you ask Grand Maester Orwyle, hot tears streaming your face.

Alicent grabs for your hand, but you deny her. Only glancing at her for a moment before looking back at him, expecting an answer.

“His Grace remains with us for the moment Princess.” he assures you.

You begin to sob. “What has happened to him? Why won't anyone tell me!”

“He is burned Princess-”

“Maester I do not think it is wise to tell-”

“Shut up mother.” you hiss. “What benefit do you hold to be here at this moment?”

“You have grown to be-”

“To be what? Say it plainly, mother.” you glare at her.

“Aegon is burned throughout his body Princess. Half of his face, destroyed. Much of his body, destroyed.” Maester Orwyle explains. Something to cut the tension.

“Is my son going to die?” Alicent asks.

“I’m afraid I cannot say.” he shakes his head. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, Your Grace, these next hours are the most critical.”

“Of course.” Alicent nods and glances at you. “Would you join me for the council today?”

“You’ve never asked me to join you before.” you reply, taking her hand and allowing her to lead you from Aegon’s room.

“In truth, Aemond wants you there.” Alicent sighs. “For what I do not know.”

“Is Aegon going to die?” you ask.

“I do not know.” she replies bluntly. “Ser Criston.”

You glance up to the Knight, who stops at Alicent’s calling of him. “Your Grace. Princess.”

“What happened to Aegon?” you ask.

Alicent grips your hand, as a way to be nice or to not ask such things. You ignore it.

“Is it not your job to protect the King, Cole? What has happened?” your tone is condescending.

“You are to call him Ser, a title he has-”

“Earned? He should be stripped of it. Protector of the King, hand of the King…and yet my brother, our King, is in pieces.” you shake your head, “Some protector you are.”

“What happened?” Alicent asks.

“We took the castle.” Criston reports. “At the cost of some nine hundred men.”

“So I’ve heard.” Alicent nods. “The King, Ser Criston, what befell him.”

“His Grace fought valiantly.” Criston speaks in a hush, defeated tone.

“What was Aemond’s part in this?” you ask softly.

“I could not say.” Criston looks at you. He looks for a few seconds, studying your features. Criston had become the number one voyeur of the royal family for the past months, since he was attached to Alicent, and Aegon. He had seen your comings and goings from Aegon’s room. Even Aemond’s. He was aware you had dutifully bounced from one man to the other, and from the moans he had heard seeping from the chambers, you had served them well.

But recently, he had noticed almost a cold war had gone on between the three of you. Criston was made aware, mostly from Aegon’s companions, of what had happened in the brothel. And of course word had gotten back to you. Who had told you? Criston couldn't be sure. But it caused you to ice Aemond out of your bed, and lean towards Aegon. But even then, after a week you had iced Aegon out as well.

“So Aegon is wounded heavily?” you repeat. “Someone will have to rule in his stead.”

You shook your head and departed off, the guards opening the large counsel doors for you.

“My darling sister.” Aemond is sitting where Aegon usually sits. Where the King is meant to be sat. “I am glad you are attending.”

“Why was she called to attend?” Criston asks, sitting beside you at the table.

You roll your eyes at his comment. Alicent takes the other seat beside you, and once again, attempts to reach for you. You once again, deny her.

“The armor was Valyrian steel, but His Grace suffered grievous burns over much of his body. He has many broken bones.” Maester Orwyle joins, his words starting the meeting. “I fear there are more injuries within, injuries we cannot see.”

“Thank you for all you have done.” Alicent starts. “The Princess and I, are grateful for all you have done for him, as is the realm.”

“Has he woken?” you ask, pouting.

“No. I am not sure he will ever wake Princess. Our king’s fate lies with the gods now.” Maester Orwyle nods.

“He cannot rule from his sleep.” you say looking at Aemond, a small smile appears on his lips.

“I must agree with the Princess, the realm will have noticed his absence.” Lord Jasper cuts in.

“Let them hear of his great deeds at Rook’s Rest. But now we must name a regent to take his place until he recovers…or does not.” Alicent voices,

“And who do you think should be named regent, Your Grace? Helaena is a good candidate because she is currently Queen.” you add.

Laughter fills around you. The look of anger on Aemond’s face does not pass you.

“Laughing at a Princess of the crown should be a great offense, should it not?” Aemond cuts into their laughter, the room falling silent immediately. “She is of royal blood, mocking her could be considered treasonous.”

“I myself served in this role for my husband. I am well-prepared to do it again.” Alicent glares daggers at the men who laugh at you, reaching again for you, this time you allow her affection.

“You played your part admirably in a time of peace, Your Grace, but circumstances have changed.” Lord Jasper reminds her. “And as for the Queen…she is not fit to take a regency for the Kingdom.”

“Why not?” you sound disappointed, for everything you've done to Helaena, you're quick to defend her.

Maester Orwyle’s voice chimes in, “It is experience that offers the surest path to security. Queen Alicent ably shouldered the duties of the realm when her husband’s health failed him.”

“Experience is valuable, yes, but the dowager queen is a woman.” Lord Jasper sighs, almost as if what he was hearing was impossible to comprehend.

“I am no stranger to rule or to sitting at this council.” Alicent declares.

“The obvious choice is his immediate successor, Prince Aemond.” Lord Jasper tells you.

You and Aemond share a look.

“Agreed.” Tyland nods.

“Aemond is young. And his lack of restraint has already cost us dearly.” Alicent sounds disgusted.

“Mother, I think Aemond is a good choice if Helaena cannot stand in for regent. Aemond is a fearsome dragon rider, similar to our ancestors the conquerors. He paints a very picture of them. He is wise, and very well versed in the histories.” you find yourself defending Aemond. Despite all of your anger towards him and the utter betrayal you felt from him, you still loved him more than anything. And you weren't stupid, allying with Aemond would be the smartest choice in your current circumstances.

“I agree, Princess. It must be Prince Aemond. What would it say if, in response to Rhaenyra’s crowning, we raised up a woman of our own?” Lord Jasper shakes his head.

Alicent takes her hand from yours.

“But the Hand speaks for the king’s voice. Ser Criston, what say you?” Lord Jasper turns to the Knight.

Criston glances at Alicent, then at you. You give him a distant smile and nod. Aemond watches your every move. “Aemond is the next in line. It must be him.”

“I agree.” you say, looking at Aemond and giving him a smile.

His heart nearly beats from his chest.

“It’s agreed then. What is our standing in the Riverlands?” Aemond nods and asks, glancing around his table for answers.

“You wouldn't want me regent?” Alicent whispers to you as the counsel’s voices fade her out.

“I do think you should be regent, it is plain as my feelings towards you.” you give her a dull look.

Aemond’s voice raises up again, “We shall meet again at first light. Oh, and someone cut down the fucking ratcatchers.”

✮⋆˙

Your maids were quick to bathe you, and help you into your nightgown. It was a soft lavender, with lillies sewn in. A gift from Helaena as a sign that your relationship was bettering.

“My lamb?” Aemond’s voice calls from the doorway. “Do you think the Princess and I can have some alone time?”

The maids bow and are quick to exit the room, leaving you and Aemond alone.

“Do I call you, king now?” you ask, breaking the awkward silence.

“You defended me to be regent, and here I thought you hated me?” He sits himself on your bed.

“I am sorry if I have been cruel to you. I guess I was jealous and upset at…”

“My brothel adventures. You should've been told by me. Not Aegon.” Aemond leans back, and you rake in his full form.

You would be lying if you didn't think he was still attractive. Gorgeous frame and structured face like a god. He truly was the image of the conquerors.

“Did you miss me lamb?” he reaches a hand out to you.

And of course you take it, quickly finding yourself in his lap, your lips finding him.

“Please don't go to her again.” you beg.

“I only sought comfort in her because you ran to Aegon.” he lies through his teeth.

Your kisses are desperate, and messy. He can barely keep up. You slowly grind into his lap, himself bucking up into you.

God he missed you. God you missed him. Aegon was a good lover, but nothing could compare to the sheer devotion Aemond supplied you.

“What happened to Aegon?” you ask, breathless.

“The same thing that will happen to anyone else that gets in the way of us.” he assures you.

“Aemond?” your eyes grow wide. “What have you done?”

“I did it for you. Now I am regent, and Aegon will die. I will be King, you my Queen.” Aemond comforts you, or tries to.

“Aemond…”

“Shhhh.” he hushes, and begins removing your gown. “Nothing will stand in the way of us. Not mother, not Aegon”

“Nothing has stood in the way of us.” you murmur at his delusions. He could technically have you if he truly wanted, no one would stand in his way. Especially not now.

“You were so bewitched with Aegon. How could I be sure you wanted me?” He kisses you softly.

You pouted, “I’d be queen?”

“Yes.” he nods, and thrusts up again into you. This time, getting a moan out of you. “Oh you missed me, didn't you lamb? Aegon not please you?”

“Not like you did.” you shake your head.

Aemond smiles, he had Aegon’s throne and now he had you.

[fuxuannie]

i lobe ur writing style sm its so comforting!

can i req a ‘things hsr men do when they have a crush on you’ ^^ (like some would outright flirt and others would be super flustered etc.)

* pairing(s) : various (4) hsr men x gender neutral reader

* prompt : request

* authors note : banabsmwns THANK YOU ALL FOR 700!!! the support really makes me so giddy and very happy n i hope i continue to make content you all enjoy ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و i'm gonna lay off uploading as often as i used to, but It's not complete radio silence! i just wanna try and write when i want to, and not force myself. ♡

DAN HENG is VEEERY very nervous around you when he's realized his feelings towards you were romantic. He tries to flirt, (he tried to do the 'pinning you to the wall' thing but he backed out the second his hand made contact with the wall and you couldnt find him for a week) but is painfully bad at it.

You smile and his heart is doing BACKFLIPS, he has to clear his throat, turn around and hang his head down low just to fail and hide the pretty shade of red on his cheeks.

He's so easily flustered by anything you do, that man is crazy inlove that Caelus starts calling him delusional for thinking how yours and his hands briefly brushed over each other meant you may or may not reciprocate his feelings.

He likes to talk about you to March and Caeulus a lot, (they're sick and tired of him) but they're just happy you can bring that kind of smile to his face. The absolute adoration in his eyes and the fondness in his smile as he talks about you, who wouldn't be happy for their friend if they looked like that? Even if they're tired of him talking about eye contact wih you for 3 hours, he's happy and you make him happy. That's all they ever want for him.

JING YUAN is subtle, and tries to be cool when it comes to his crush for you. However, he trips on his words whenever you playfully tease back or anything of the such. He even makes stupid corny jokes that aren't that funny but are so bad you can't help but laugh.

His busy schedule does make trying to make time to see you much harder. Unless you work within his organization, he'll barely get to have a conversation longer than 3 minutes. So whenever he does see you during his non-work hours, he'll try to a lot of time with you to make up for the times that he couldn't be by your side.

He's pretty subtle with his flirting, offering to lock arms as you tour Luofu so that 'he can keep you close and won't lose you' and purely out of respect. He's probably really poetic with his teasing or flirting too, comparing your beauty to Aeons.

It's pretty much obvious that GEPARD gets nervous around you, but he's so adorable your heart cannot handle it. You loved to squeeze his cheeks whenever he's flustered, making it impossible to look away and leaving you to giggle at how he mutters how embarrassed he felt.

You're already well aware of his crush on you, (not that he was good at hiding it) but you just needed to be ready. You loved him back with your whole heart, but you just needed time, and Gepard could wait.

He even gained your guardians approval, that on the day you were ready, they would give him his blessing. They knew Gepard was a man with a pure heart, one that was ready to love you with the love you deserved.

CAELUS had grown fond of you, but his crush on you was surprisingly soft. He wanted to protect you, and with what he was capable of, he loved to do it. Your praise in his ears is like music, he could never get tired of taking care of you and it's almost like a love language.

He has such a sweet smile when he looks or thinks of you, something about you makes his heart melt, kick his feet and twirl his hair like a school girl or something. (this is a joke)

Spending time with him usually consists of you doing whatever you want, and Caelus following you like a lost duckling. He likes it when you grab his hand, and drag him wherever. You might be rambling about something, but his only focus is the way you and him intertwined fingers and how soft your hand felt in his.

taglist : @renalord @calxb-do @veezablog

[astroohoe]

Astro observations

Hi! I know its been a while since i posted ...was going through some thangs loll now let's get to itttt.

•Gemini women loves to gossip lol. They can literally be gossiping about you while youre literally there, they do not care if you hear or not . Honestly, i think the end goal was for you to hear theyre talking shit about you lol

•Gemini women have anger issues. They're really HOT TEMPERED and you can hear it from the top of their voice it's soooo bad😑

•Virgo women are mean 😑...most people dislike virgo women because they can criticize you, judge you all day and it might even seem like they bullying you lol...im a virgo myself and i don't even like most of the virgo women ive met ........they're personality is just 100% TRASH and they're sooo blunt eiiii😂😂😂

Ex:Beyonce in destinys's child...lol search for her old interviews with the...girl has been judging them all day😂 and the SHADE she used to give to them!! Guuuuuuuuurl was shady aslllll😂😂😂😂

•Taurus women are GOLDIGERS

•Aries sun men are selfish sometimes, they'll choose themselves first and you'll be soooo surprised😂

•Scorpio men are SENSITIVE! DRAMA KINGS ALL DAY...I swear I've never seen a man act sooooo petty and a bitch at the same time lol.

•Scorpio men are caring

•Scorpio men love love and loves the idea of love and a relationship lol they cant be single for oneday, always looking .

•Grown Capricorn men are 100% PREDATORY🙄

•Pieces men literally have a phase in their early 20's where they're just HOES and a menace in their relationships🤣😭😭😭 they could be dating three of four girls at the time and you wont even figure it out..that Neptune energy blurs all the lies..it makes them a GOOD LIAR and skilled at it....they can even gaslight you when you ask them if they are cheating on you...but when they grow in their 40's they actually STEP UP as MEN .they can literally reject girls to tell them im married and i love me wife..so be patient...They're also EXTREMELY LOVING AND SELF SACRIFICING 🥰🥰🥰🥰

.Pieces venus and mars knows how to give love, lol they're soooooo sweet. You're lucky to have a Pieces venus a bf or gf they know how to love.

•Virgo venuses are hoes100%

•Aquarius women are hypocrites but solo beautiful. They are shady friends and good at stealing peoples husbands and boyfriends....they're NOT that good of a people tbh.

•Sagitarrius women are thee most intelligent in the class followed by Capricorn women. They always get good grades . lol are you messing with a half horse half human and LITERALLY THE GOAT??😂😂😂 at you dumb??

•EARTH SIGNS WOULD ROAST YOU...YOU REALLY DO NOT WANT THE SMOKE WITH THEM....ESPECIALLY WITH TAURUS MEN...THEY WILL ROAST YOU TO EVEN END UP GETTING PLASTIC SURGERY

•Capricorn men can insult you on every deeper level.

•Virgo women have a sharp tongue and they can literally plan on revenging you honestly...im even scared of earth signs they're not to be played with .

•Sagitarius women see LITERALLY every women as they're competion...why??? They are one of theee most jealous signs EVER...LIKE??

•Gemini women are annoying tbh😑

•Capricorn girls were the mean girls in school 100%

•Aquarius mercuries have a smart mouth and a sooooo intelligent.

•Cancer women are soooo feminine...and extremely funny ...my beauties>>>>>>

•LEOS are soooooo motherly😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 like, i love y'all

•Aries and Libra....why do y'all like each other sooooo much??...and most of the times , it is the libras who chases the Aries suns...The libra men are sooooo obsessed with the Aries woman, or Aries rising lol....

So thats it forrrrr meeeee ......hope you enjoyed? Byeeee

[kalims]

I SEE SLOT REQUEST OPEN— IG??

Can i request a fluff with Octa trio(separately) on a date but being disturbed by the first year by questioning “why are you dating with this shady guy mom— you could’ve get better step father for us.” ace said…

AHAHAHAHAHA I JUST WANT CHAOS DURING TTHE DATE BETWEEN THE TRIO THAT WOULD BE FLABBERGASTED OR SHOCKED AND SPEECHLESS BY WHAT ACE SAYING THAT😭

that time where you became a parent | octavinelle

premise. there's a lot of firsts in relationships and getting your date crashed by your partner's self-proclaimed kids for the first time is apparently one as well.

cw. mention of getting tortured once (brief), someone disappears, mention of mafia as a comparison to the octa trio, not proofread

includes. gender neutral reader, fluff

note. hi yes, after ten years /j I've decided to test my flexibility with requests since I plan to take up commisions 😚

also ik that cw is really concerning but it's nothing bad in the writing i swear!! also you sent this ask a few hours ago (4) but I'm already done?? wow

hey also im so sorry I just realized you used a feminine term 'mom' and i only realized after I finished writing 💀 you didn't specify the reader and I didn't notice so I thought it's like gender neutral my bad!

azul ashengrotto | all of the above

"azul you've been frozen for a minute,, are you okay?"

"I'm,,, fine?" he thinks?

ace snorts. "dude you call that fine? you look like you just saw one of ursula's tentacles get cut off,"

shocked? flabbergasted? speechless? azul is just one huge combination of those three even though they're pretty much the same thing. he's just suprised, albeit a little disturbed that your... five grown men friends—‎also your apparent 'children' have now kidnapped you as their parent and is planning to make him a step-father without his consent!

he looks at you with a blink as if to as 'what in the great seven are they talking about' meanwhile you just shrug and take a bite out of the lunch azul had just bought you, thoroughly enjoying it because come on. who wouldn’t enjoy free food? it's your right as his partner to experience getting spoiled but that doesn't mean you don't get to not like it.

judging by the casual, indifferent demeanor you display and even your unbothered face? azul can tell that this happens lots of times and at some point you had accepted it.

also the ursula comment.. he got offended on her behalf, no way the great ursula would even let that happen to her. she's the epitome of greatness! plus... he'll have your bratty child know that octopuses can regrow a limb!

wait a minute.

azul sputtered and frowned defensively. "excuse me? shady?" he'll have them know that he is a perfectly—perfect father for your children! there is no 'better' because he simply is the best.

oh azul... who's gonna tell him that he's obviously showing off whenever your grown 'kids' are around in hopes of getting their approval? no one apparently cause ace thinks it's too funny for it to be stopped and he needs seriously good entertainment that matches up to this level.

god lord if anyone sees him snooping around the library on topics that typically interest teens.. or jade leaking out the fact that he sent the tweels to collect information about the five.. that makes for good blackmail according to them and he's starting to get concerned with how many material they had gotten from him.

ㅤ

jade leech | more amused than suprised

"I believe that I am capable of reaching the standards of your 'children'," a chuckle.

epel quips over from the side casually, toning his pitch up a notch to showcase the knowing voice. "hows your criminal record? clean?"

the chuckling ceases.

okay maybe he can reach their expectations in ways that doesn't involve a clean record. in his defense that person had crossed a line so jade had to... remind them which line to stay behind. it's not like epel knows that the speeding ticket was just a cover up for the more concerning one and as much as jade liked to tell the tale, he supposes he'd get much more disagreement if he told the other story, so he resorted to talking about the less... severe crime.

jack in particular voices his disagreement, more so when jade had commented on craving meat while eyeing jack in a way that the buff man immediately got offended and snitched to you.

safe to say that as much as you love your concerning, tall, red flag boyfreind he's definitely gonna feel the heat from your glare. that day jade learned not to mess with jack cause despite how ironically strong the man is? apparently he's a pretty big snitch cause he always goes to you and tries to 'convince' you that even kalim makes a better lover.

jade did not like that at all. why like the excruciatingly boring sunshine of scarabia? I mean come on, over kalim and jade? who's less boring? he questions you with a particularly coy smile.

for your sake, he supposes. the five troublesome first years had gotten less treatment for him nowadays and he's made it perfectly clear that he has the capability to mess with them once again, be it in a battle of mentality, or strength. but just cause he let them off doesn't mean their off the hook yet! which is great because with the subtly implications he had made meant that jack with the quick mouth wouldn't be so quick to snitch on him.

for a guy who tortur—I mean, gave a perfectly justified punishment to a sinner jade is pretty childish and competitive to prove that he's a pretty damn good boyfriend that no one,,, absolutely no one (not even your kids lol) can mess with.

ㅤ

floyd leech | thinks it's really funny and wants to be the dad

"awww.. shrimpy you didn't tell me you got a whole troupe of baby shrimpies," floyd giggles.

"I mean they didn't tell me that I was their parent too so,"

"hmph! calling the prefect my parent would be disrespecting master lilia!" sebek bemoaned—loudly despite accepting a parental scold about volume from you.

most of the sentence that ace commented about him being... shady? just went in one ear and out the other. I mean yeah, he isn't gonna blow the 'cover' but they're mafia type shit shady and he can't exactly deny what they see. and apparently what ace sees is that you need a better 'husband' and they need a better 'step-father' to which floyd replied a; "there's no one else. you're stuck with me baby shrimpies,"

floyd's grin was very ominous but when was it not? though his specific harder emphasis on 'no one' concerns you a little and you even had a moment of realization because besides that one guy who miraculously disappeared after he flirted witn you quite literally disappeared from thin air... who else approached you after that?

but just like any other MC you shrug it off :) (for the sake of the plot)

for some reason floyd believes the family thing wholly and had now squeezed himself into it—to the dismay and endless complaints from sebek. besides the obvious dislike the angry teen had out for him, floyd seems to think the opposite and even finds sebek amusing! (to the further suffering of sebek floyd had requested for him to call him dad)

sebek refused of course and explained he already had a father and simply could not!

floyd took it the wrong way and asked you if you were seeing another person 😭 I mean there's only one person 'lilia' in the school and from sebek's 'master-lilia' from their conversation it's clear that the boy was referring to whoever lilia is as his father so he tried to get jade up in it (who loved the idea of storming diasomnia but hell, even jade was wary of the nobody floyd never heard of in his life!)

^ coughs that was his jealousy speaking. in the end jade outright talked him out of it and told him that he could always spread some.. things since it always works.

out of jealousy floyd had told you that lilia sounds like a 5 year old name and is lame. jealousy may come in fire but floyd's come in grude. you just feel kinda bad for lilia lol

ㅤ

──  ko-fi

[cyborgartalchemist2]

Imagine being so fucking aggressive about a ship you make jokes about Magneto and that very groomer scene from X-Men 97 that just... excuse the behavior? Because that doesn't sound very progressive in my opinion. Like yeah... rape culture in relationships just permeats fucking shipping but lets do nothing to argue against it. Lets make jokes that perpetuate the behavior and excuse men taking advantage of women.

To me having Magneto take advantage of a much younger mutant under his tutelage because she's desperate for physical connection and he's the only one she can touch is meant to showcase A) how Gambit contrasts Magneto and B) remind us that Magneto is never above using mutants for his own gains.

If this were reality most people would be calling Magneto a groomer and worse. We know Rogue was still a teen when Mystique took her in. We know that she's been an X-man for a few years. So Magneto was patient enough to wait until she turned 18?

Historically he hasn't done well with his love life. Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver's mom left him without telling him he fathered children because she was scared of him! (I'm only going on TAS and 97 here since this is an adaptation.) So where in the high heavens does everyome think he would be good for Rogue?

I don't care about the 'better than Remy' arguments because that's not the point! The point of who you ship Rogue with should be about if it's a relationship that is good for her! Is she their equal? Does she get treated with respect? Magneto looked at the Genosha council and without asking Rogue said "I'll lead but only if this woman I am trying to get back is my queen". LIKE DOES THAT EVEN SOUND MATURE? Magneto shows up, sees Gambit and Rogue being even mildly affectionate and starts pulling asshole moves on Rogue. And the narrative did nothing to make Rogue stand up for herself (which she would have) she should have told Erik "I'm a big girl I can get my own sugar for my coffee." She is shown numerous times to remind everyone she is no one's 'territory'.

Also wish to address the fact that making Rogue x Magneto comes with a 'sex is the only thing that matters!' Flavor that is exactly what so many of us are tired of in shipping. When did shipping stop being about the drama of a couple fighting against a narrative that pushes them apart or about finding love in the most unconventional of places, like alien hunting? And become solely about how nasty they can fuck? Seriously?

AND it's so blandly hetero it's not even funny. Because honestly the ways in which a couple can experience pleasure that don't involve traditional p in v penetration is vast and wild and there are enough types of gear and costumes and the like to facilitate that between Rogue and Gambit. Because that's all the argument has to stand on, is which man can fulfill her sexual needs. WHICH SHE HERSELF REALIZED WASN'T ENOUGH. She kisses Erik and goes "nope they're ain't any sparks there. This isn't going to be fulfilling ever."

Not to mention the fact that I can't genuinely see Magneto offering to die for Rogue. Sorry that grandstanding in Genosha was not the same. It was barely a heroic move... he still didn't save the Morlocks he promised to protect... he still failed. He couldn't save Leech and he couldn't stop the Sentinel either. Because yeah Magneto attempted to save Rogue and Gambit, but he did nothing to save the Morlocks at his side and he also survived without taking out the giant killer robot... but Gambit? Gambit said fuck it, gonna take this motherfucker to hell with me. He stopped Rogue from facing the sentinel so he could. And he actually stopped it. All on his own. Because that's what an x-man would do. Sure Magneto protectdd two people but sacrificed the morlocks yet again...

AND ON THE SUBJECT OF ROGUE x GAMBIT

Has Gambit always been great with Rogue? No, but that was the 90s and now look at how he handles shit? Comics writing has grown. It was a lot more heternormative and still had lots of rape culture hold overs in it.

Look at the episode when Cody shows up. He uses Rogue's connection to him from the past and then puts her in a situation that almost takes away her humanity. Her powers, which was what lured her into this trap in the first place, saved her from a man taking advantage of her. And the one time Gambit (in TAS) takes advantage of her, Morph in her form, told him to come and get some from her first. (So while he should have paused and woke Rogue up before kissing her, he had what he thought was an invitation.)

Gambit takes Rogue's decision to rule Genosha with Magneto incredibly well. He doesn't get mad, he doesn't call Rogue names, he doesn't do anyhting to hurt Rogue the way she is hurting him. He accepts it like a gentleman. Unlike Magneto who pursued Rogue's affections in unhealthy ways.

So uh... yeah that's my fucking rant.

[nanaminokanojo]

ACCIDENTALLY IN LOVE | part 61

-meet cute? a cheesy musical number? forget it! love makes itself known to you through a minor car accident, a broken arm, and a treacherously charming temporary chauffeur

CHARACTERS: sukuna x you/reader | jjk characters

GENRE: full-length smau + prose | bad boy x good girl | college au | a lot of firsts | aged-up characters | strangers to lovers | smut | fluff | angst | ooc depictions - soft sukuna ftw

TW/CW: strong/mature language | adult content so mdni on some parts | mentions of alcohol and/or smoking | mentions of injury, promiscuity and bullying | pet names because they're cute with 2D men | toxic behavior | will add more if something arises

MASTERLIST | CHAPTER INDEX

<<prev part 61 next>>

A/N: Narrations after the 7th panel. Also, I've updated Parts 56 and 60. The video is working on the former and I forgot to add the narrations on the latter prior to the video. Idk what I was thinking with this last update. Sorry for that and for this very brief update. Smutty things to come in the next chapters!

You were left to think of what Uraume told you, said in such an unsentimental manner that one would have thought that they were just talking about something trivial. But it got you thinking of so many things all at the same time, perplexed about the meaning behind those simple words, thrown out in the wind, free for interpretation.

However, you were no longer able to ask as the others returned, Choso immediately slinging an arm over your shoulder and asking after you. “You look flushed. Are you okay, Y/N?”

“Y-yes, thank you.” Your eyes immediately flicked to Sukuna who was standing beside Uraume, and you felt your face heating up all the more when he smiled at you. “It’s just really hot.”

“You sure?" he asked, snickering. You knew what he was getting at, but you didn't say anything.

“Hi, princess,” Naoya greeted, blocking your view of Sukuna.

You thought he was nice although he could be rather full of himself. It wasn’t in an annoying way, just in a funny, disarming way. Noisy, too. “Hi.”

“Call me Naoya.”

You nodded but you did not say it, suddenly remembering your confliction about what Uraume told you. You did notice it, too, the way everyone called Sukuna by his last name. Everyone just referred to him as “Ryomen,” and you pondered on whether it meant anything that you’re the only one who called him by his birth name.

The thoughts plagued you even as you sat in the car, your eyes remaining trained on him in the tense silence that seemed to have followed your last words when he asked you if you were ready to go home. You still couldn’t shake the same feeling you had earlier when you were watching him play, your senses seemingly hyper-aware of every single detail of him. Your heart felt full as the afternoon sun shone through the windows, touching his being that you thought, if you blinked, he’d disappear like a mirage.

It was the case up to the moment he parked on the spot next to where your own car had been sitting in the garage since the accident. It was gathering dust, but you have grown accustomed to the passenger side of Sukuna's car, the apple-cinammon air freshener he used and the feeling of having someone to talk to and laugh with while going places.

You didn't like the idea of driving on your own anymore, always alone inside your car.

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© ORIGINAL WORK BY nanaminokanojo. CHARACTERS ARE INSPIRED BY GEGE AKUTAMI’S “JUJUTSU KAISEN”. [20240625]

PHOTOS/IMAGES/GIF/FANART/ANY MEDIA CREDITS GO TO THE RESPECTIVE OWNERS.

[oneatlatime]

The Blind Bandit

I had honestly forgotten that the Gaang were trying to find an earthbending teacher, so the 'previously on' segment was actually useful instead of spoilery.

Nobody's face is having a good time.

Look at this sweetheart. You go ahead and treat yourself honey. You've single-handedly escorted a pair of earth-shatteringly overpowered tweens around the world for months; the least you deserve is a shopping trip.

"You kids like earthbending?" Has the same energy as "wanna buy a sun dial?" from that animated Hercules movie.

This guy is one of those strip mall karate types.

I take back everything I ever said about Zuko's season 1 haircut. This guy has a dust bunny poop on his head.

Momo's bag now.

My absolute favourite girl power: incredible violence!

The acoustics at this earth rumble place must be great. I don't see any microphones.

"That's what I paid for." Sokka is a simple creature at heart. Likes food and violence.

Something very strange about this guy's face. I think his mouth moves but his eyes don't.

So apparently earthbending gets you mad air.

Oh! I get it. This is a WWE parody. Somebody on the writing team did their homework too. Don't ask me how I know, but this is a very accurate parody.

Sokka thinks listening to big muscles is a very good idea actually.

And here's the heel. Complete with russian accent. And oddly homoerotic anthem. And cowardice when challenged! Yep, total heel.

I LOLed at the zamboni badgermoles and hockey organ.

She's like two feet tall!

I'm. in love.

I could watch little girls beat up grown men all day.

Earthbending sonar?

Omigod it predicts. She can see moves before they happen.

Well it's a good thing Bumi said to look for someone who Waited and Listened rather than Watched.

"I don't really want to fight you. I want to talk to you." Says the guy who just volunteered, in front of a full stadium, to FIGHT her. Time and place, Aang.

Get back on the ground you flighty airbender. She sees with that ground. No fair.

This is about the face I made when Aang pulled that move. Does this boy think at all? I love him, but what part of stealing her well-earned title is supposed to convince her to talk to him?

You messed up.

I love sartorially inclined Sokka. It's a tiny an innocuous little trait, but it rounds out his character so well.

I get to watch two different girls terrorise idiots this episode. I am blessed.

So I'm guessing the two idiots at the earthbending academy are doing that excercise where kung fu people stick their hands in sand (I've seen videos of it) but it really looked like they were in the 'beat back the dough' phase of making bread.

In this universe of plot-convenient clothing blindness, how do Dumb and Dumber recognise Aang as the one who beat the Blind Bandit?

I think the voice actor for the dumb kid with actual hair did a bunch of voices in season 1. The soldier who gives Aang Bato's map comes to mind.

Have I said recently how much I love Sokka and Katara?

These wrestling guys keep switching between first and third person. Too many rocks to the head.

This could be a board for a murder mystery board game. Or a map for a DND dungeon.

It's her hair. I thought the Blind Bandit had a cap type thing with a little brim for her costume, but it's just a pile of her hair? Like a beehive?

A lesson in character writing: if you want to make someone look super dumb, have them earnestly believe in the credentials and authenticity of a guy you have previously set up as a borderline con artist. Lookin at you, Blind Bandit's dad.

"Basic forms and breathing exercises only." That line is just so funny. And they're all so stupid. She snapped like half a dozen spines last night and this guy is preaching breathing exercises.

Wow! I hate her dad!

I hate him more!

Sokka going ham on some rice rather than listen to the idiots. Good priorities.

This passive aggressive fight between the girl and Aang at the dinner table is so fun.

Looking for somewhere to store your meal after you've face planted into it? Try the top of your head!

I need to get a hold of some of those magic napkins. Wiped up a whole multicourse meal in like 5 seconds.

That is indeed the appropriate reaction to this pint sized badass. Glad Aang is learning. (Also this episode needs more Appa. The last couple have been sadly bereft.)

Called it. Earthdending sonar. Or is it more like echolocation? No! Whiskers!

How does this pint sized badass - who if I am understanding correctly, is not known to exist outside the walls of her house - have more emotional intelligence than the entirety of the Gaang put together?

So much for the guards in the garden. They'd actually be useful now.

Sokka. Priorities. Although given how many times Aang has escaped custody/kidnapping he's probably ok to take a minute to fangirl over an autograph.

These idiot parents don't know their daughter at all. That chafes.

"I'm not smiling." I LOLed at that too. Perfect delivery.

Hippo man having a snack before he gets down to business. No wonder he's missing teeth.

All this blind and tiny and helpless and fragile talk is really making me hope someone smacks the crap out of the dad. What an awful thing to say, nevermind saying it where your daughter can hear.

SMACKDOWN INCOMING

This is gonna be good.

If this girl does join the Gaang the writers are going to have to nerf her in every major conflict. She's too powerful. I bet she could take on the firelord now.

And that's why you don't announce sneak attacks.

So remember how Sokka was absolutely losing his shit over the Boulder? That's me right now.

She waits. All these idiots are losing because they're getting impatient and attacking first. Which means that, to her senses, they're telegraphing their moves. That is so cool. And so is this visual.

Here's your chance Dad. Are you going to mess it up?

"I love fighting. I love being an Earthbender. And I'm really really good at it." me:

I don't have words for how much I LOVE when little girls STAND UP for THEMSELVES and THEIR INTERESTS. This would have had me HOLLERING if I'd seen it as a kid. It was a message I needed to hear too.

Wow I want to kill her parents.

OH FUCK OFF

COME ON

You made my girl cry.

Get wrecked belt stealer. I LOLed at this too.

Sokka just beaned a blind girl on the head. Not a good look. I laughed though.

Fun fact: everyone in this picture is a piece of shit.

I haven't been this steamed since Zuko's dad burned half his face off.

Final Thoughts

IT WAS SO GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously, this episode feels like it's movie quality. This show is usually excellent, but this feels like a cut above. I feel like I could sense the love the writers, animators, voice actors, everyone had for this episode. They had a good time making it and were enthusiastic about it. And there were lots of tiny background details in this episode too. I'm sure I missed quite a few. Oh No! I'll have to rewatch it!

New team member! That hasn't happened since Momo. Actually, no wonder the episode was so good. Introducing the first new team member in at least a season's worth of episodes is a delicate operation. I bet they were workshopping this episode since early in the first season.

And Toph! (thank you credits for how to spell that - I was really hoping it wasn't Toff). Be still my heart I love Toph. She may well take Sokka's spot as my favourite character. Strength of character, self-assurance, emotional intelligence, badassery, mastery of violence, what's not to love!!!

How did she get so emotionally intelligent and articulate if her parents have kept her caged her whole life? I don't know but I'm not complaining!

How did her parents get away with caging her for her whole life? I do know (money) and I am complaining. Very much so. And yet Toph can still find it within herself to have an honest conversation with them, including apologising for leaving said cage. I never would have had the maturity to do that in a similar situation. I would have gone the Katara explosive rage route.

A little girl who stands up for herself. Against HER PARENTS. I just. Do you know how amazing that is? Especially in a kids' show? I was ROBBED by not being able to see this show when I was Toph's age.

Does bending work like a muscle, in that you build up stamina? Because if so, then Toph is the strongest human earthbender in the world by default. If she's using it in place of seeing, then she's using it 100% of the time that she's awake, all day every day. By the time she was like 5 years old she'd probably used her bending more than the average earthbender does in their whole lifetime.

My one complaint is Toph's voice. Nothing wrong with it; this is a me thing. It fits her perfectly, but my ears do not play well with nasal voices, which hers is. I had to rewind quite a few times and resorted to subtitles by the end. Hopefully I'll get used to it like I did Zuko's.

Sokka! My soon to be demoted beloved! He shone in this episode. I love that he has fashion sense and is not afraid to show it. I'm thinking, what with how hung up he was on masculinity at the start of the show, that the water tribes have a different conception of masculinity: one that classes fashionability as a masculine or gender neutral trait. Even back in season one it didn't take much to get Sokka into the Kyoshi warrior uniform, and he's shockingly good at applying face paint symmetrically. Which I still cannot do with winged eyeliner.

Katara! Not headed for a career in diplomacy but so satisfying to watch. I would love to have a Katara in my pocket that I could unleash on people. And her and Sokka bouncing off each other this episode was great. Every one was at peak performance this episode, except Aang. Not at his brightest this episode.

Checking for typos before I post this and I realise I'd already forgotten that Toph is blind! Just like in the Northern Air Temple, this is how you do disability right: as just a part of who they are, rather than an entire personality. This show is so good.

In sum, Toph:

[noroi1000]

Honored One Shot no.14 - @satosuguswife

„Pictures”

Hurt and comfort Warnings: fake blood, mentioned nsfw

When you entered the house, you saw Satoru lying on the floor with the left part of his forehead red. His cheek, the corners of his mouth, his throat. Everything was painted red.

His shirt was also soiled, and his uniform jacket was unbuttoned. Clothes a bit tattered. A pool of blood around.

And next to the wall sat Suguru whose face was tilted down. His typical loose clothes were also soiled. One sleeve of his white traditional dress lay on the floor as his left hand held his shoulder. Hair in disarray.

You felt the cold flow through your body... As you drop your bag on the floor, you heard faint sounds.

And suddenly you saw and heard Satoru laughing out loud and wallowing in 'blood'. Suguru also joined him and his arm appeared, showing that he doesn't have a severed arm at all.

They both laughed and suddenly looked at you.

And then their laughter died down. Because they saw big tears running down your face as you looked at them.

Their expressions stopped and you suddenly kicked your bag at Satoru, watching him catch it.

"(y/n)...!" Suguru called after you, reaching out to you with his hand but he didn't manage to stop you.

Wiping away your tears, you ran to your room slamming the door.

These are supposed to be grown men?! They may be almost 20 years old, but that doesn't change the fact that they are idiots!

You lay down on the bed and cried.

How could they do this to you? It was not funny! You thought something had happened to them! You thought someone had attacked them! And here it turns out that it was just their stupid joke?!

You'd take it more as a joke if you caught them fucking on the kitchen table! Or if they did something else! But that's not cool!

What they did is not cool at all...

You've been afraid of losing them so many times. Especially Suguru who had an existential crisis for a while. But now everything was fine, so why did they want to fool you and show that they are dead.

"Baby, can we come in?!"

You heard Satoru's voice outside the door.

"...Fuck off!" You groaned as you turned your head away from the pillow you were lying on.

"Baby..."

"Get away from me! You're so stupid!"

"(y/n), we can talk?"

Suguru opened the door slightly, peeking inside to see you lying on your stomach on the bed and crying into your pillow.

"What do you want think?! You think it was funny?! You're probably fucked up and crazy! Fucking idiots!"

"It was supposed to be a joke... A little revenge for scaring us earlier..." Whitehaired one muttered.

"This is not funny!" You screamed as you watched your boys wipe their faces off of the fake blood. "I never meant to scare you!"

"And that blood on your clothes in the washing machine?"

"I got my period, you idiot! We've been together since second year at school and you still can't remember when i get my period!"

"Baby..."

Suguru's hand was placed on your back and he picked you up, placing you on his lap.

You hugged him crying.

Satoru sat next to you, put his head on Suguru's shoulder and pulled you up to hold on to him as well.

"We didn't know you'd react like that... Sorry..." he muttered, rubbing your thigh.

How could you have reacted differently? They pretended they died! You used to be afraid of them all the time because they are sorcerers...

And now they're doing this to you... You were afraid that you would lose one of them... And when you were afraid that they might leave, it turns out that they made a joke of it?

"You look prettier when you smile than when you cry. Like when you blush."

You looked up at Satoru's blue eyes as he stared at you intently but just as calmly.

"When you look at us with love and not something like that. We didn't want to do this to you. Sorry. It won't happen again."

He leaned in to kiss your cheek. You let him, feeling his soft lips against yours.

You gave him your lips, allowing him to kiss you. So he pressed his lips against yours.

"So Suguru wouldn't be jealous..." he murmured with a smile and reached over to his boyfriend's face, pulling him in for a kiss.

And then you kissed the dark haired boy softly.

"Show you something?" He took his phone out of his pocket and opened the flap.

And then he showed that you were his wallpaper.

You're used to him wanting a model in a swimsuit or something in the beginning.

And now he has you and Suguru as he stands shirtless next to you. His shirt is on your body. naked thighs. Why? Because Satoru took this picture naked in bed.

"This photo is beautiful. But I'd like to see your smiling face with hearts in your eyes. When your mouth is open when you moan."

You changed suddenly and he clenched his hands on Suguru's clothes.

"Satoru, do you think it's a good idea to talk about it now?"

"I'll have a picture of her fucked up face next to yours. And you'll have a picture of her fucked up face and mine. Matching wallpapers!"

"And she?"

"She will have a picture of my face when you fuck me and your face will be next to mine!"

"I don't know if that's a good idea now."

"Honey, can I make you feel better?" He purred in your ear, licking your neck.

You can't be angry with them for long. Because they hold your heart.

"Do it..." you murmured as you snuggled into Suguru's chest and felt their fingers begin to touch you.

It's supposed to be humorous? Yes.

Because he's looking for the perfect shot for photos. His photos are crazy. Remember how he used to sneak pictures of you at school when you were in your room or in the shower so you could go back to his room and do things everyone knows...

That's why he likes taking pictures like this.

And if they want you to forgive them, let them. Maybe thanks to this you will forget that the whole floor in the house is smeared with fake blood...

Just as it was supposed to be. For Suguru, a picture of you lying under Satoru with a red face and small tears. Your face contorted in pleasure. And next to your face is the face of Satoru whose cheeks are red and his eyes are rolling backwards.

For Satoru, your same face when you lie with your back on Suguru's chest. And next to the dark-haired man's smile.

For you (even though you didn't want this wallpaper on your phone), a picture of their faces as Suguru dominated Satoru. Satoru blushing with little tears in his eyes?

At least you'd prefer these photos to photos of them in fake blood.

[threestripeslider]

Any OMO headcanons you wanna share about OMO?/nf

Something relate to him, his friendship with some other peepaws..etc

UHHHH most of these are just for fun and like. do take them with a grain of salt ajhjbhdbh im just gonna throw some thoughts about my peepaw and his perspective of the multiverse out there

you know it would be incredibly funny to me if OMO!Leonardo was the oldest of all Leo Peepaws ahbjbshhjd like. the consensus is that they're mostly in their early or mid forties, so what if Leonardo was like. a year or so older than most

as much as its funny that he acts quippy and obnoxious with most peepaws, i think it lowkey kind of stems from his own self-loathing and trying to set himself apart from them

but his questionable mental health aside; he does actually get along with most and makes a point to be friendly with all the Little Leos

i can imagine that all the peepaws are that "thank god im the only normal one here" meme, and while Leonardo definitely knows that he is very far from normal, he also doesnt fucking trust the rest of them to be, so he's the one to order all the food at the counter of a burger joint jahbsbhbdjh

mostly also bc he keeps doing it for the kids all the time and has gotten so used to it, he doesn't think twice that his current company are all full grown men

he does genuinely feel a companionship with MNMC!Leon despite their constant bickering but they do have frequent disagreements when it comes to their respective Little Leos

i think while most people are aware of his skills, they tend to underestimate Leonardo a bit, mostly bc he does such a good job at appearing as a funny, obnoxious guy

why do you think MNMC!Leon calls him a Smiley Bastard JHDVJHFHV

he does do turtle sounds and is quite good at getting others to react to it

he, also, does still use a sword

[ceilidho]

Okay hear me out: I am a big skincare girl, right? The serums, the cleansers, the moisturisers, the masks, the body moisturisers and exfoliants, all the works. I love pampering myself with things that smell nice and make me feel pretty (results are... Another thing lmao BUT WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT THAT).

And you know what I was thinking about? The CoD characters would just lose their minds at this. They're grown men in the military, there's literally no way that they use anything other than 5-in-1 body gel/shampoo/face wash/car wash/floor wash and mayyyyybe sunscreen once in a while because they're all pale daisies that get burnt very easily.

So basically imagine the scene: reader comes out of the shower with a towel turban and starts applying serums in front of the vanity, semi-naked, starts on the body moisturisers and just rubs it in and in and in (BODIES HAVE A LOT OF SKIN THIS IS YOUR SIGN TO MOISTURISE IT) and then one of them walks in on reader and they just. Pop an instant boner. Pretty reader rubing their own body basically naked, smelling nice, pampering themselves? Brain chemistry is immediately altered, "my hands look like this so hers can look like that" meme, etc., just absolutely feral military man who might or might not have developed three different kinks in approximately ten seconds, including domesticity kink. Reader is going to need three showers after that.

(Non-horny but it could also be funny to show CoD characters learning about skincare. "What do you mean I need a different soap for my face and my body? Fuck off I've been doing just fine" vs "So you say this will make my beard soft? Okay, how do I use it".)

sorry I couldn’t answer this before because I was on a flight (probably bad timing to post about that other au idea right before a flight LMAO) but i thought about this the whole time!!!!

Obsessed with the idea of any of the cod characters having a domestic kink bc tbh I can see this across the board with all of them. Also I’ve legit posted about Ghost only using a 5-in-1 before LMAO wait I’ll show below

[fetishfairytales2]

Happy Birthday Sissy! Pt. 4

Heather and Brandon are original characters created by @wittlesissyb4by in his fantastic series “Besties”, which this blog expands on. Please support him through his Tumblr and his SubscribeStar. ——————————————

The party was bumping by the time our first guests showed up. Lyndsey and Kylie were gossiping like old friends by the pool, probably plotting ways to humiliate poor little Brandi. And I was busy telling Kelsey, Rachel, and Maddie the story of the first time I let Connor fuck me while Brandi was forced to watch from the foot of the bed. 

“I swear to God,” I laughed, “she was fucking crying the whole time!” The sun was shining, the drinks were flowing, and to any unsuspecting bystander, it may have seemed like a normal pool party - except for the fact that there was a grown man prancing around in a frilly pink dress and an absurd amount of penis-themed decorations. Lyndsey did great with the decor. It was all pink and dicks. It looked like she had reused old bachelorette party decorations. Such a classy sissy birthday. 

Our boyfriends were all huddled together, drinking beer and probably boasting about the amount of sex they were promised for showing up and not asking too many questions.  They didn't seem to mind their girlfriends parading around half-naked in front of Brandi. It's funny how much of a threat someone isn't when they're wearing a frilly dress and a diaper! Poor Brandi, I don't think any of these alphas were worried about losing the girlfriends today.

"Hey Connor, Shawn, come here!" I called out, waving them over. Rolling their eyes, they made their way across the back yard. Shawn was Lyndsey’s long time boyfriend. The five of us had all known each other forever. But he, just like Connor, was a victim of Brandon’s bullying in school. "Would you mind turning Brandi towards the sun for us?" I pouted, making sure to push the girls up in my bikini top and flashing a smile. “Yeah,” Lyndsey giggled from the pool, “the poor girl isn’t getting enough color today. You big strong boys should help her out! She looks a little pale!” With my helpless sissy bound at the wrists and ankles in her oversized stroller, she was powerless to stop her latest humiliation.

The two hunks lifted her, stroller and all, in the air and faced her toward the pool. The little sissy would surely suffer in her heavy lace and polyester party dress, not to mention the inevitable diaper rash. Too bad, some sissies just have bad luck! Maddie and I sat on either side of the stroller, playfully dipping our toes in the pool, and giving Brandi innocent smiles. "Hello girly!" Maddie laughed, playfully poking her on the nose. Brandi could only grunt behind the pacifier gag. "Mommy and Aunt Maddie are ready to have some fun!" 

"Aww, don't be such a downer Miss Grumpy," Lyndsey teased, splashing Brandi from the pool. "It's your first sissy birthday and you've got gorgeous women all around you. What more could you want?" I winked and nodded at my friends - God, they were the best. Maddie and I snuggled closer in the stroller while Kylie and Lyndsey leaned over the pool, giving Brandi a perfect view of their cleavage. “What a fucking loser!” Shawn laughed. “You’re fucking drooling over her tits! Dude, she’s never going to fuck you! Later, when I’m fucking her though? I’ll put my massive cock in between those tits, just for you!” Lyndsey winked up at her boyfriend; “mmm, sounds like fun!”

Connor shook his head; “He was always such an asshole. Now he’s a fucking loser. Who the hell would let this happen to him?” The water works were already starting and I wanted to be the one that made Brandi cry! “Aww,” I teased my cuckold, “did the big mean men make sissy cry? They are just having a little fun sissy, they didn’t mean to hurt your feelings!” I smiled up at Connor; “thank you Daddy for helping your sweet sissy! I’ll make sure to thank you tonight.” The boys shrugged and headed back; “oh and boys? There’s three more cases of beer in the fridge, help yourself!” I winked at Lyndsey; “nice and drunk,” she mouthed quietly. I nodded and crossed my fingers.

"Oops!" giggled Kylie as she pulled her wet top down, flashing Brandi not at all subtly, "my silly bikini." She moaned like she was faking an orgasm, making us all giggle; "I'm just so wet!" I could hear muffled groans of what could only be a itsy bitsy sissy clitty trying to burst out of a spiked chastity cage. I playfully traced my nails along Brandi's exposed inner thigh, causing her to jump. "Oops!" I taunted with a smirk, sticking my tongue out. "My bad, baby. My hand slipped." 

Maddie got up and began clumsily adjusting Brandi's collar, leaving the gagged sweetheart confused. As Maddie took her time, her movements brought her closer and closer to the stroller. Much to Brandi's dismay, this meant my sister's Double Ds were pressed against her face. Maddie teasedly stuck her tongue out at me as I counted silently on my fingers. "Just a sec, girly!" she exclaimed dramatically. "I'm just trying to... it looks like something is caught. If I just..." Without a word, I started rubbing Brandi's chastity cage through her diaper while Maddie rocked back and forth, nearly motorboating the poor trapped sissy. 

"It's been three whole months," I whispered in Brandi's ear, “since you made cummies. And something tells me that’s not what you’re getting for her birthday…” As I continued to tease the birthday girl’s caged cock, Maddie leaned back and grinned at our plaything triumphantly. "Got it!" Brandi must have realized by now she was in for some unwanted birthday "surprises" from us girls. "Oh, no, no!" I chuckled as I caught her trying to squirm away. "Stay put!" I firmly slapped her face.

Lyndsey grinned as she leaned on the edge of the pool, her eyes fixed on the helpless loser in front of her. "You want to know something out Brandi?" she said, her tone playful. "While I was watching her that one time, I found out something interesting about her..." She smirked. "Oh really? Do tell, babes," I giggled, playing along with her. "Turns out, Brandi is a huge fan of ass," Lyndsey said, a wicked look in her eye. "I swear, you should have seen how big the pile of loser goo was that she made! It was when she watched that video of you getting fucked from behind by Connor." 

Maddie laughed, "I've known this pathetic loser, for years and, trust me, she’s definitely more into boobs." We all turned to look at Brandi, waiting for her answer. "Well?" I prodded, "Don't make us wait! What gets your sissy stick harder?" But Brandi could only glance between us and try to speak through the four-inch cock filling her mouth.

"Spill it, girl!" Kylie exclaimed with a giggle, turning around and glancing over her shoulder, proudly flaunting her curvy backside in a tight bikini. "Whatcha think?" she asked, pulling her bikini further up her ass. "Is it this amazing booty?" Lyndsey chimed in, giving a spank. "Don't you just wish you could make this slut get down on her knees and shake that ass for you, Brandi?" Lyndsey pulled on Kylie's hair and humped her. "Too bad you'll never get a chance to do that to a woman again," Maddie whispered in Brandi's ear, watching as she squirmed in her chastity cage. "Oh Brandon!" Kylie moaned, "you sexy stud! My ass is completely yours, don't you just love it?"

The spikes were probably hurting Brandi's cock by now because tears were rolling down her cheeks and her mascara was smudged. "Come on girls!" I chuckled. "You know the poor thing is stuck with such a tiny, pathetic penis. And Maddie is right! Brandi can't resist a good pair of tits." On cue, Maddie got up and spread out a towel. "It's really a shame," she sighed as she untied her top and laid down to tan, and tease the sissy. "All these hot girls around and all you can do is look." 

Kylie and Lyndsey followed Maddie's lead and removed their bikini tops before laying down topless for Brandi to ogle at helplessly. I quickly checked the time on my watch - only 1 hour until the other guests arrived, which meant 30 minutes to get the guys drunk enough for Brandi's special celebration. "Hey honey?" Lyndsey called out to Shawn, "would you ever let Brandi give you a blowjob?" The guys all laughed and nodded in agreement with Shawn’s drunken and slurred response; "a blowjob is a blowjob!" Lyndsey and I shared a knowing smile. Perfect...

[inchidentally]

I think it so easy to forget just how young Lando was when he came into F1. At eighteen, you are still trying to figure out who you are. With both Carlos and Daniel, he was always trying to mirror their energy and following their lead in social media. But in the last year he seems way more comfortable in himself and in expressing his true personality. Oscar didn’t know him as the young shy 18 year old who came into F1 so unsure of himself, and instead as the more mature young man who feels more comfortable in his place in the team and F1. With Oscar, at least in what we see in social media stuff, it feels like he’s allowing his true personality through, the more playful, silly, sarcastic but kind person. It seems like with Oscar he feels like he can be his more true self. It reminds me of Daniel talking about Lando’s “microphone voice”. It feels like with Oscar he doesn’t need to use a microphone voice and instead can just use his own voice.

oh but can I weave in here a couple of things? I so agree with you for the most part but just:

to me, the Carlos and Daniel eras represent Little Lando and he was always going to grow up and change from that. but I totally agree about him mirroring them bc if you remember his first interviews before and soon after starting his rookie season he was paaaaainfully shy. he spent half of them hiding behind the neck of his coat. it was so easy to just react to Carlos and then Daniel and turn to them whenever he got stuck or tongue-tied. it's why I'm a little hmmmmm when ppl say they want that Lando back. bc that "Lando" still didn't know how to let his personality show and he was just giggling and being a little bratty for fun. it was super cute and we got some classic content out of it but zero substance of who Lando was as a person. the only place we saw the more serious/authentic side of him was his own content and even there he was still in people pleasing mode.

the other thing is that we now know Oscar knew a LOT about who Lando was by the time they became teammates. and unlike Carlos and Daniel, Oscar was exactly the right age to watch a lot of Lando's streaming content and get him on that gen z level. thing is, we can see in all of Oscar's pre F1 media that he's not actually as quiet and lowkey as he's seems and that he actually had a real knack for memes and funny social media content. so to me, Oscar consciously decided to drop all of that and allowed himself to be as focused and quiet and nervous as he needed to be for his rookie season. he also was clearly pretty awed about being Lando's teammate and spent so much of that dry first half of the season staring at him and trying to interject the odd sentence so that Lando wasn't solely providing the content. and I think that's where Lando surprised everyone because apparently having a rookie to look after (and a rookie who had a celebrity crush on him) clearly worked great for grown Lando! he's looked non-frenetic and more genuine than we've ever known him in interviews and media and he's been incredibly mindful and pointed in making sure Oscar gets noticed and taken care of. Lando just looks... at ease with his role in a way he hasn't before. and the way Oscar's popped up all over Lando's content (and apparently recording even more we haven't seen yet) like someone showing off a new puppy is just <3

I feel like we've seen in real time how Lando's friendships with Carlos and Daniel turned from him being their little fanboy to being his equals professionally and grown up friends. it's why it's a little awkward when ppl try to car|ando their interactions now the way they were back when Lando was basically a kid. they're two men shooting the shit and having dinner and sure there's still a lot of jokes, but it's not all about Carlos and Lando doesn't need him to lead anymore. and obv Daniel experienced that growing up in real time a little more uncomfortably lol. but they're all good now.

but because Lando remembered how recently he was in Oscar's shoes - and esp when he realized how respectful Oscar was of him and how much he hung back to give Lando the rightful spotlight - the difference has been that Lando can put himself in Oscar's shoes in a way Carlos and Daniel couldn't with him. it's that thing I call The Yearning in a landoscar rpf way but in reality it's a very sweet thing of two young guys who are like 'toxic masculinity we don't know her?' so they're openly watching each other closely every time they interact and are so genuine about slowly building their relationship bc they just care so much. it matters to themselves, it matters for their working relationship and it matters for the team. who cares if it's not meme material or big laughs every time for viewers bc that's so far down on both their priorities.

and in that different relationship, you've got to love that Lando is standing up for himself and sometimes to journalists and the public even saying "I'm not happy with myself right now and sorry, I won't bring fun and jokey Lando out to play for you to make this easier to watch." and that as always, he doesn't take a single bit of that frustration with himself out on his team or his teammate. the Monza moment happened, got cleared up by him, and went away just as fast. I'll gladly say goodbye to cackle factory little Lando to acknowledge how responsible and proud Lando is about his role and his job now.

[alfredojesta]

okay self indulgent rant about my circus pasta headcanons (i call them "circus squad" which is funny because nathan vine and pup are far from circusy) (THIS POST IS SO LONG OMG I JUST DON'T SHUT UP)

PART 1: NATHAN AND CANDY POP

ever since nathan and ciara got married, candy pop treats nathan like he's his angsty teenage son. even though nathan is a grown ass man. and they've been best friends for years.

he shows up to nathan and ciara's house in the middle of the night with gifts and (store-bought) food. ciara wakes up and punches him out of surprise. "WHERE DID YOU COME FROM, POPS?" "OW — I COME WITH GIFTS!"

candy pop and nathan have a lot of trust in each other. nathan acts like an anti social freak but candy pop knows he's a silly little guy. candy pop isn't bitter at all that nathan spends more time with his wife than with the jester. candy pop is actually incredibly supportive of their relationship! he's very proud! he wants to be a good father and a great bestie! he even wanted to match with nathan so he made jason the toymaker marry him (IT ENDED IN A TERRIBLE DIVORCE)!

i think that nathan has supported candy pop the longest. they met when night terrors was still in commission and they worked together to stop night terrors and his cluster of souls from wreaking havoc. candy pop was beneficial to nathan as well. candy pop helped him get out of his shell and become as hopeful as he is today. nowadays, nathan's too busy with his own life to do pranks with candy pop. but candy pop doesn't mind it.

candy pop tries to be a good father to ciara. he does the most he can, but even then it doesn't feel like enough. ciara pushes him away, claiming she's able to protect herself. she isn't good with trusting people, not even candy pop. losing her twin brother made her cold and distant. being around the jarringly energetic candy pop makes her angry in a way. she doesn't know just how much candy pop relates to her life.

PART 2: VINE AND PAPA GRANDE

VINE??? oh he's like . 40. vine is more of a lowkey serial killer. his victims are normally documented as "missing". he hides his tracks well. he's the richest out of the six, having inherited most of his father's money and then used it to start a successful business.

he's besties with the puppeteer, papa grande and nathan. it was pretty difficult for them to get close to vine. vine is quiet, quite asocial for his age, and has a hard time trusting men. he was lucky enough to find people he could relate to.

when it comes to jason and candy pop... vine is 50/50 with them. sometimes he likes them, sometimes he doesn't. jason isn't fun to talk to; he doesn't listen, he's working 99% of the time, and he'll either sigh with annoyance or tell vine straight up "i do not care. get out." and then candy pop is candy pop idk what more to say about that.

then papa grande... he's a travelling magician who picks certain people from the audience to kill and add to his collection! he, like vine, isn't a famous serial killer.

papa grande rarely admits it but he sees these little guys as family. nathan is like his adopted son... annoying adopted son. they constantly joke about papa grande breaking his back or having a heart attack, and at some point, papa grande thinks they're praying on his downfall.

jason learns all his magic tricks from papa grande — usually against his will. papa grande genuinely thought jason was a magician because of his tophat and cane. but no. jason is just a fancy british guy.

candy pop's an exception when it comes to the familial bond. candy pop is like a dog he found on the street. candy pop is a menace. he keeps waking up papa grande in the middle of the night and asking him to do magic tricks. "PAPA WAKE UP!" "WHAT" "MAGIC TRICKS!" "WHAT."

PART 3: THE PUPPETEER AND JASON

i have a bunch of headcanons for THE MALE MANIPULATORS. i think the toymaker and the puppeteer would get along great.

FIRST OF ALL, the puppeteer actually respects jason. he was a bit intimidated by jason at first, but after getting to know him, he's come to look up to him. pup admires jason's craftsmanship, finding his work to be beautiful and inspiring.

SECOND OF ALL, as a toymaker himself, jason is intrigued by pup being a living puppet. sometimes he asks to reconfigure the puppeteer's wooden limbs. to that, the puppeteer politely declines.

THIRD OF ALL, they are SENSIBLE PEOPLE... usually. they're both manipulative and selfish freaks who get angry when things don't go their way... i reckon they have conversations over tea about how many people they've fucked up this year. "five women in one month? scandalous." "do not word it like that."

pup is a wanderer. wanderers don't have places to stay. wanderers wander into peoples' apartments ("they are called flats" – jason) and overstay their visits... jason let him stay ONCE. ONCE. and the puppeteer decided to take it as "oh i can come over whenever i want!"

thankfully he isn't a messy guy... he's just odd. he always turns on the tv just to watch it for three minutes and then head to the kitchen to cook dinner. but he never finishes cooking dinner because he gets distracted by the tv he played in the living room an hour ago. jason hears it all happen.

pup also tries to console jason about his anger issues. he keeps seeing holes punched into the wall and it's concerning. (i think punching holes into walls actually makes jason angrier. like what the fuck do you mean you're that weak. dumbass wall.) pup makes sure not to enable his anger... he is the exact opposite of candy pop and nathan.

the puppeteer very much loves his friends and will do anything for them (he does not have many friends). whenever someone takes the toymaker's tophat, the puppeteer is the one to return it. even if it ends up at the side of a cliff in nevada, he'll get it back for the toymaker. although, the toymaker usually doesn't want the tophat back...

jason thinks the puppeteer can be overbearing at times but he isn't as bad as candy pop, so things are okay. plus, jason can always mess with the puppeteer as much as he messes with jason. whether it's scaring him off with a toy or shaking salt in front of him, pup is such an easy target.

OKAY THAT'S ALL (i have more just saving it for other posts xD)

they're rlly interesting characters :') genuinely my favourites. i love them so much... i have a candymaker rant right here too for anyone who wants to read

[p-redux]

From Anon that made me spit out my coffee this morning. 🤣

I didn't reply since I've answered this MANY times. Google Search is your friend, my friends. I am not Google, please, for the love of God, SEARCH my blog and/or Google before you come an ask me things I've answered over and over. Anyhooo, as she promised, the Anon didn't give up and sent another Ask this morning. 👇

Before I answer...🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 OMG, "Sam's penis seizure" will go down in fandom annals as one of the funniest autocorrect fails ever. "Sam's penis seizure," I'm still laughing. Needless to say, I think the Anon meant "size," not "seizure." But, hey, she's not far off, many penis do look like they're having seizures when aroused hahaha.

So, to answer your question, Anon. The shrimp comment Sam and Cait made years ago was this. They were having fun with Brazilian fans, tweeting in Portuguese. 👇

And Caitriona one upped Sam with 👇

They were OBVIOUSLY kidding and bantering together, as has always been their style. IOW, they were joking around. Anyone who actually thinks Cait was saying Sam has a small peen literally should go to Walmart and return their brain and get a refund.

Here's an old post where we all laughed about how funny Sam and Cait were being. 👇

As for the size of Sam's dirk, I've already discussed this MANY times. Here's an old post, where I mention it briefly, and what Sam himself said about it. 👇

And here is a longer post showing evidence that Sam Roland Heughan ain't shrimpy. JS. 👇

And finally here, conclusive scientific proof that TMGD aka The Magical Golden Dirk is so magical it makes grown women lose their dang minds. That doesn't happen with small dick. It just doesn't. 👇

I've seen lots 'o penis in my day, and small peen does NOT show from the side like this. 👇 It just doesn't.

Some men are "showers" a la Jon Hamm 👇 Meaning, their peen "shows" even when not erect.

But most men are "growers," like Sam. Meaning their dirk is well hidden and sleeping until it's gets woken up, and then it GROWS.

I hope that answers your question, Anon. But, please don't come back demanding I answer you and if I don't, you will keep bugging me until I do. I don't take kindly to people telling me what to do. Do it again, and I'll block you. I do thank you for my much needed laugh for the day, though. ❤️