#i just... need to
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I look through my creations and I see only pain, there's only despair in every line. In every stroke, in every pixel. I don't feel relief in them, I dread coming back to them.
Like a broken home, I cannot live here but I stay regardless, because I know nothing else. The roof leaks, the stairs collapsed years ago, the stove is rusted and provides no heat.
But I know the paint that peels off the walls, I recognize the wallpaper underneath. I remember the floorboards and the creatures that lurk under them. It's no longer a house, but it's home.
The lights flicker, the roof caves in, the plugs spark. But I stay because the neighborhood is foreign, I don't know anything else. I am not safe.
#my rot#poetry#poem#this is about creating art#but apply it however feels most correct#that is arts purpose afterall#i sound so stupid#I've written a lot recently#not by choice#i just... need to#i hate writing#i think it means im getting worse
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sometimes you need dialogue tags and don't want to use the same four
#they're like synonyms and adjacent words and some of them only loosely fall into the category shown i just needed to stick them somewhere#fanfic writing#writing#creative writing#writers on tumblr#writing dialogue#writing reference#writing tips#synonyms#writing resources#for future reference
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the worst part about ocd and ocd-like tendencies is that you think hyper-analyzing your thoughts and constantly psychoanalyzing yourself will fix you but that's actually part of the disorder. it's the disorder. disordering.
#ocd#ocdcore#no you don't understand if i keep ruminating i *will* get the answer i just need to keep thinking about it then i'll get it#keep running on that wheel hamster you'll escape the cage someday#you're running after all#you have to be going somewhere right?? right?????
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I've been seeing a lot of knight posts recently. pretty great
#i really do agree we need a kneeling knight emoji i'd use the FUCK out of that#can i tag this 'chivalry' or perhaps 'arthuriana'#shann talks shit#chivalry#arthuriana#maybe even#paladin#edit: thanks to the people reblogging this i now know of knightposting#knightposting#second edit: listen I didn’t hv an oc in mind when I compiled this but I just remembered that I do hv a knight oc#morghen coded#compilation post
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Kirby is a star!!!
#awwww you know what i don't hate kirby he's cute i was looking at my old art and he's so precious#what he ever do#i'm so preoccupied in being cringe or embarrassing to people but this was really a fun time#i'm bringing these back i was looking at all these pictures and i love them#art#fanart#digital art#artists on tumblr#kirby#nintendo#comic#i'm gonna post one of these a day#like yeah some people treated me bad but it was a fun time i just need to not burn myself out that's all!#not april fools btw!!!!! unfortunate timing lmao
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The last days of the petition against conversion therapy are FASCINATING to watch. I have been following it pretty closely for almost a year now, and the progress was, above all, steady. There was this jump when some algorithm in Finland picked it up, but even that was local.
And now, everyone is panicking.
Which really shows.
These past three or four days, multiple countries have reached the threshold. Even more notably, the number of signatures in total, the ones that we need to get one million of, are growing rapidly. There are only 400'000 signatures missing. Two days ago, it was closer to 600'000.
You can see the progress here:
Consider joining the fun by making everyone around you sign it!
#I was starting to lose hope#but the way that this is going??#we actually might stand a chance#we have the required number of countries!!!#now we just need to get that one million somehow#political#eu politics#queer rights
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My fellow bitches under 5'5. Whatever the money, do not take a job working at a middle school. A fellow adult tried to put me in detention last month and would NOT give up until I showed her my badge proving Yes, The School Hired Me To Work Here. It's not meant for people our height.
#personal#back to work tomorrow prepare thyself#i have had other adults try to take my phone away ask if I have a tardy pass the aforementioned detention incident-#THE LIST GOES ON#i usually get an apology after they realize im twenty fucking six but sometimes im like#....if you need to apologize this profusely for talking to me like that when you realized i wasn't a student#maybe you shouldn't be talking to the students like that either?#i get it they're irritating as hell but like. as soon as you realized i could report you for yelling at me the way u just did#u HELLA backtracked.#maybe some self reflection is in order?
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Hey just a general PSA from someone officially diagnosed and documented:
Now is not the time to seek out an autism diagnosis.
RFK's plans have been made very clear and any diagnosis you do get will get you put on this "national disease registry" they're proposing.
Trust me when I say I completely understand the need for accommodations and a better understanding of yourself, but if you have gone this long without being diagnosed, you will be better off waiting.
Furthermore, listen to and advocate for folks who are diagnosed, especially folks with higher support needs. They'll be the first ones targeted for whatever bullshit "experimental treatments" the government tries to push.
Stay safe and look out for your neighbor.
#actually autistic#asd#autism#rfk jr#also can i just say#the way some of yall ignore people with high support needs#in conversations about asd#is mad disrespectful
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SHES MAD AS HELL❗️‼️
#i cannot stress enough how much i locked tf in for this#this was an assignment i did last minute i just took an edible last night and fell into a productive trance that#i can only describe as a miracle from god#i didnt even need to color it for this assignment i was just in the zone babey#anyway#art#eye strain#digital art#animation#creature#artists on tumblr
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Guys I'm so glad everyone loves hit JRWI campaign: The Suckening so much. 12 thousand notes on just a thumbnail that's so cool. Anyone think about emizel pussy-out post revival
#i make yet anothet post just for me 👍#SHUT THE FUCK UPPPP#sorry. guy who lives in new york voice i need people on tiktok to get less annoying#1k#2k#3k#4k#5k#10k#20k#30k#lord kill us all its at thirty thousand notes...#40k#50k#60k
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girl why the hell WEREN'T you at the devil's sacrament 👀 that's three sacraments in a row you've missed 👀 👀 👀
#girl i thought we were doing group costumes#do u have any idea what an ass i looked showing up as just the BOTTOM HALF of our lord baphomet???#not even a full ass just a half ass with cloven hooves#that was me. last nite. at the devil's sacrament. like u even care#you abandoned me in my time of need you peccant malodorous HUSSY#just fyi the bake sale committee is pissed af atchu right now
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I turn to Ares.
Thanks to Tyler Miles Lockett who allowed me to draw inspiration from his ARES piece for page 2! Look at his etsy page it's SICK
⚔️ If you want to read some queer retelling of arturian legends have a look at my webtoon
#greek mythology#ares#athena#greek gods#dont get me wrong it aint athena slander but it sure is ares praise#on some level at least#man justly accused of bad things deserves some mid praise more at 11#thank you romi for helping me with words though i duly noted you insisted on ares not being cautious rather than him not being careful#romi be like “i want him to care” and honestly good you should say it#also EPIC led to this and i just..... i want to draw some animatics man i just need infinite time now#my long lost love for greek myths just will never stop coming and they dont stop coming and they dont stop coming#i want some vulture design in here for ares but not sure about this one#kochei doodles
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how its going
#WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR ME TO JUST DO THE THINGS I NEED TO DO#oc#furry fandom#oc: nitri#art#digital art#doodle#ms paint
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i don't know the etiquette for posting other peoples tiktoks but the delivery of this punchline hit me like a FUCKING TRUCK please
NikhilClayton <- you should follow this guy on tiktok he's fucking hilarious
#tmnt#teenage mutant ninja turtles#nikhilclayton#im like checking he doesnt have a tumblr but yall need to experience the laugh attack i just had#sharing it to spread the joy honestly
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Because it is the anniversary of his death, I wanted to share a small story about my grandfather.
Before I knew that I was intersex, I identified as a trans man. And I went the way any trans man has to go if he wants to transition in my country. My parents thankfully were supportive but I was afraid to tell my grandparents. My grandparents were German and lived/were raised during the third reich. While both of them never said or acted in a way that suggested that they had fascist views (my grandfather was until he died part of a leftwing political party), but there still was this fear in me. "They are old, they grew up surrounded by abhorrent beliefs...". And then there was my aunt. Who would constantly claim that my grandfather was homophobic.
The problem was, back then, there were no openly out gay people in our area, so I never got the chance to see my grandfather interact with someone who was queer. So I just believed her. Because she was so insistent on it. And because it confirmed my fears and my brain loves to be constantly afraid.
But I knew I wanted to come out. I had to, eventually, because I had stopped my estrogen treatment (back then, I did not know that I got that because I was intersex) and went on testosterone instead and first physical changes began to show. We all lived in one big house, so my grandparents would eventually notice.
I was so afraid that my father at some point offered to talk to his parents. I waited outside in the hallway that led to their kitchen and listened.
My father explained, easy to understand, that I was going to transition from female to male because I felt terrible in my body. My grandfather asked, "Is that why the child* is so depressed all this time?" I had been in and out of multiple clinics for manic depression at that point. My father gave a yes. And my grandmother made the incredibly selfish comment, "Can't that wait until I am dead?"
Before I even got time to be upset, my grandfather slammed his fist down on the table. I had never seen or heard him do anything like that before. He was a very calm and collected man who preferred to leave the room before he got too angry. "No, it can't wait. The child gets to get well now. And if that is what is going to help, then it needs to be done."
From that day on, he never used my deadname again or used the wrong pronouns for me. Sometimes, he would stop in a sentence to think and remind himself, but he did always address me correctly.
He celebrated with me when my name was legally changed. He built the bed frame for me and my boyfriend's bed when we moved in together, just like he had built the first adult sized bedframe for me when I outgrew my small bed. He drove my boyfriend to his chemo sessions because my grandfather also had cancer and knew how terrifying it was to go alone.
Did he fully understand what it means to be intersex? To transition? No. But he understood that one of his loved ones was suffering and that he could help to alleviate that pain. And so he did.
He taught me calligraphy. He taught me how to sew. He taught me bookbinding. He gave me many gifts.
But the biggest gift he gave me was, that when someone hated me for what I am, I could stomach it. Because this man was willing to unlearn the bigotry he had been taught for decades so he could love me for who I am.
*in my grandpa's dialect it was normal to refer to children as just 'the child' (genderless)
EDIT
I was blown away by how many people have reblogged this post. I believe my grandfather would be very happy to see that he can give some hope and love to others even now.
I do not want him to stay faceless; so here is a piece of art I made for his obituary, with a slightly altered quote added now.
Dahlias were his favorite flowers. Orange ones especially. They reminded him of the home he had to flee from as a child.
EDIT 28/03/25
Happy birthday.

#giwa:others#giwa:queer#lgbtqia#lgbtq#lgbt ally#actually intersex#i dont know what to tag this#this just needed to be out of my system
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