#i kinda keep losing track of time but i know ive been here for hours

[lil-ghostboy]

.

[luminnara]

It’s Been a Long, Long Time | Ch 6

Summary:  When HYDRA had their prized asset, the Winter Soldier, they did something no one ever thought was possible: they gave super soldier serum to an omega. With the sole purpose of tending to him during his ruts, she spends decades living in HYDRA facilities, denied her humanity and her life. Now, years later, Bucky Barnes has his mind and his own life back...and the last thing he ever expects is to see a familiar omega again. Bucky/OC, a little angsty but mostly smutty/fluffy/romantic!

Part One | ... | Part Five | Part Six | Part Seven

Tags:  @kyrah-williams @oceanmermaidwitch @shawnie--jo @super-cape @ferxaniti @namjoonwatcheshentai @fandomsstolemylife00 @youngblood199456 @nightlygiggless @darlingely @ bluemoon-icecream @kaz11283 @jenjen8675309 @dollfacev8 @witchinpractice @mystical-b3ar @sukeraa

Bucky refused to leave the omega’s side while she stayed in the lab. Bruce had to stop him from trying to crawl onto the bed with her, and after about the third time, he convinced the super soldier to just pull up a chair like a civilized person and hold her hand while she drifted off to sleep again. Now that she was with her alpha, she had settled down for another nap, more interested in resting than answering any more questions so long as Bucky stayed and kept an eye on her. 

Steve had to admit, it was endearing. He had never seen his friend so absolutely enraptured like this. Whenever the omega, or Ten, as Bruce was still calling her, shifted in her sleep, Bucky’s eyes were snapping over to make sure that she was okay. Whenever she let out a little whimper, he was purring and stroking her hair. Whenever she seemed like she might wake up again, his attention was completely on her.

“So...sure you don’t remember her?” Steve asked, pulling up a chair. He had left for a few hours to work out, and after a lack of updates from FRIDAY, he headed back down to check on everything. They were exactly as he had left them, which was a good sign. At least nothing was getting out of hand. 

Yet.

Bucky shrugged, rubbing the back of the omega’s hand with his thumb. “I dunno. It’s...foggy.”

“Well, it seems to me like you’ve either got a history together, or she’s mistaking you for someone else.” Steve said. “Quite frankly, it’s hard to do the latter.”

“I’ve dreamt of her.” Bucky said quietly. 

“...what?”

“It’s not much, but...I’ve seen her face.” Bucky looked down at her. “I think that no matter how many times HYDRA wiped my memory, she’s always been in there. Kinda like the one constant that was always around, the one thing I could always count on being in the base with me.”

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” Steve asked.

“Never knew if she was real or not.” Bucky sighed. “I thought...maybe she was just something my mind made up to fill some of the gaps. But she smells exactly like I remember.”

Steve sat back in his chair, his arms crossed over his chest as he watched his friend. Bucky wasn’t snarling anymore, most of his attention trained on the omega while she slept. Now that he was close to her, he had calmed down significantly, though he still wouldn’t let Steve within five feet of her bed. 

“Just got off the phone with Tony,” Bruce announced, walking in. “He and Pepper will be back tonight. Pepper’s having some clothes and personal items delivered for our new omega friend here. They also asked about renovating a more permanent room for her, but I, uh...told them I wasn’t exactly sure what the situation would be.”

“She’s staying with me,” Bucky said immediately. 

“Now hang on, hang on,” Steve leaned forward. 

“Steve,” Bucky growled. “I want her with me.”

“Buck, you don’t even know her—“

Bucky interrupted him with a loud snarl, the omega in question whining and squirming in her sleep at the sound of it. 

He immediately shut up, brushing a thumb over her cheek and shushing her until she was sleeping soundly again. Fuck, he felt so stupid. What was wrong with him? She could have woken up, or been scared, or upset, all because he couldn’t keep his big mouth shut. She needed her rest, and he needed to stay quiet. 

Steve almost couldn’t believe what he was seeing. 

“Oh, Buck,” he shook his head. “You’re in deep.”

—

Amoretta woke feeling well rested, and it wasn’t until she tried to stretch and felt the tug of her IV drip that she remembered where she was. Opening her eyes revealed the bright lights of the lab, and as she started to sit up, a few faces came into view.

“Welcome back, Sleeping Beauty,” Bruce said. “How are you feelin’?”

She licked her lips. “Juice box. Now.”

“Way ahead of you. Had this one waiting as soon as you started waking up.” He tossed one to her and was pleased when her hand shot up to catch it. “Reflexes look good. Vitals are all reading normal. I’ll have to run another test to see what’s going on with those suppressants, but I’m willing to bet you’re metabolizing them fairly quickly now. How are you feeling?”

She pulled the little straw off the back of the carton and jammed it into the top. “Nauseous. Like usual.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Side effect of the suppressants?”

“Always has been. Other than that...I feel great, actually.”

“Well, as soon as these wear off, we can figure out something nicer and more modern for you. If you want to use them, I mean.” Bruce shrugged. “Your choice.”

She smiled. “Choice. I like that.”

“Hey, we’re all about independence here,” Steve said happily. He was glad to see she was awake, even though Bucky wasn’t.

The other alpha was still at her side, but, as of about half an hour ago, he was napping. Steve made a mental note to never let him forget the way he slept straight through the one moment he had been waiting for all day. 

“What time is it?” She asked. “There’s no windows in this damn place.”

“Just after dinner,” Bruce chuckled. “You slept most of the day. Bucky hasn’t left your side.”

She looked over to her soldier, smiling warmly at the sight of him sleeping. He was even snoring softly. “I haven’t gotten to see this in forty years.”

“Did you two, uh…” Steve cleared his throat. “Spend a lot of time together?”

The omega laughed. “You always this awkward around girls?”

“That’s not—“

“Relax, I’m just giving you a hard time.” She sucked on her straw. “But...yeah, we did.”

“So...you were just kept for his ruts, or…” Steve was so awkward it was almost endearing. “I’m sorry, that came out wrong. I think.”

“It’s okay. I know my lot in life.” She kept her eyes trained on Bucky as she spoke. “But if I’m going to answer more questions, I want to get out of this bed. And I want real clothes. Then I’ll talk.”

And so, only several minutes later, Bruce was handing her a sweater and some shorts he had grabbed from a little stash of extra clothing, and Bucky was startled awake by Ten stepping past him. She was finally free from all the tubes and cords that had been sticking out of her during her little hospital stay, and she was all too eager now to explore the tower.

She stood on wobbly legs, almost falling onto him when she tried to take a step. Bucky was up in a flash, ready to catch her, and as she fell against his chest, he wrapped his arms around her. Despite just waking up, he felt fully alert, completely ready to tend to his omega’s every need. 

His omega...he liked that train of thought. 

“We can head up to the common area. It should still be quiet.” Steve said, leading the way out. 

Bucky kept an arm around his omega’s waist as they followed, Bruce bringing up the rear. He wanted to be touching her at all times, constantly in contact so that he couldn’t lose track of her. His instincts were roaring to life, demanding that he do everything in his power to make sure that she was safe and in his line of sight. The elevator ride was tense and full of possessive growling, Bucky constantly shoving Ten behind him to keep her in the corner and as far away from Steve as possible, and everyone breathed a sigh of relief when the doors slid open and they could step out of the cramped space again. 

The common area was empty, thankfully, FRIDAY informing them that the other Avengers were all either working out or in their private quarters. 

“Good,” Steve said, heading towards the couches. “No interruptions. Got it, FRIDAY?”

“Understood, Captain Rogers.”

“C’mere,” Bucky mumbled, pulling his omega down to sit on one of the couches with him. Part of him was feeling a little sheepish and self conscious of his behavior...but the rest of him didn’t give a shit. The others could stare and shake their heads all they wanted, but he’d be damned if he let Ten slip through his fingers again. 

Or whatever her name was. 

Steve and Bruce sat across from them, making sure that they left as much space as possible between themselves and the new omega. Neither of them had ever seen Bucky behaving quite like this--he was on guard, hyper aware of everything around him. He made sure that she was pressed up against his side, an arm draped possessively over the back of the couch so that it was unmistakable that she was with him.

Christ, what had gotten into him? He couldn’t remember ever acting this way about an omega before. 

“So…” Steve cleared his throat, sitting with his elbows resting on his knees.

Bucky didn’t really like the way his posture made him lean forward towards his omega, but he could deal with it for now. “So.”

“What do you wanna know?” Ten asked, plucking at Bucky’s shirt. She seemed to be even clingier with him than he was with her, perfectly happy to be hanging off him or tucked up against his side. “You met my demands. I guess I’m an open book now.”

“I don’t want to overstep my bounds,” Steve said. “We just need to know as much as you’re willing to share.”

“Then ask a question.”

“...Alright.” he cleared his throat again. “You said HYDRA used you to help with Bucky’s ruts?”

Ten nodded, her expression remaining even and cool. 

“Could you tell us more about that?” Steve glanced at Bucky. “Were there ever any other omegas, or anyone we should know about?”

“There were omegas before me.” she answered. “When I first got to the compound, there were a lot of us. They kept us all in big cells, so everyone talked. People said things about how HYDRA was grabbing omegas off the street for their super soldiers, and how the one at our base was the biggest and scariest.”

Bruce raised an eyebrow at her tone. He wasn’t exactly sure what he expected her to sound like while she regaled them with her life story, but he definitely thought there would be a tad bit more apprehension in her voice. She seemed proud of herself, and more matter-of-fact than a lot of omegas would be while talking about their alpha’s previous partners. Or...whatever you called prisoners whose only purpose was to help during ruts.

“And I bet he was,” she sighed, leaning her cheek on Bucky’s chest and looking up at him adoringly. 

“Well, I don’t know about that…” Bucky said, an almost shy smile on his lips. And...was he actually blushing?

Steve was going to lose his mind. 

“You said the other omegas couldn’t handle it? That’s why you were given the serum?” he prompted, trying to keep them on track before he drowned in the sticky sweetness of her happy pheromones. 

“Right.” she turned her attention back to Steve and Bucky let out a quiet huff. “HYDRA didn’t really like to take care of us. And the soldier--I mean, Bucky--would wear them out. So...HYDRA would just kind of let them go. Or put them down, maybe. I never saw it.”

Bucky’s expression dropped. His blush was gone, and he almost looked like he was going to be sick as he listened to her talk.

“But it wasn’t his fault,” she said quickly, glancing between him and Steve. “I don’t think it was ever on purpose, you were just...demanding.”

He gave a groan, leaning his head back against the couch. “You don’t have to sugarcoat it, doll. I’d rather know what I did, at this point.”

She offered a small shrug. “I don’t really remember it being that bad, but I don’t think I ever met you before they gave me the serum.”

“That’s something, at least.” he mumbled, dragging a hand down his face. 

“Why you?” Steve asked. “Did you have any prior military experience, any ties to something the others didn’t?”

“No.” she laughed. “I never even got in fights before HYDRA.”

“Then why’d they use such an important resource on you, specifically? Not trying to take a dig at you, it’s just...well, omegas don’t usually…”

“I know,” she said. “Omegas aren’t supposed to be tough, right? That’s why they only ever let alphas become super soldiers.”

“That’s not what I…” Steve trailed off and then sighed. “Sorry.”

“I told you, they gave me the serum so that I would be strong enough to hold my own. It also ensured I would always be around, no matter how many years passed.” Her fingers found Bucky’s free hand and she took it, absentmindedly playing with the smooth vibranium knuckles. “Having me as a constant meant they could stop spending so much time and effort on always having a new omega around for him. Plus…well, I wasn’t really there, but I heard something about it once…”

“What?” Bucky asked. 

“They let you choose who was going to become your omega.” She said, looking up at him. “They gave you a bunch of scents, and you chose mine. I guess it was the only reason they didn’t, uh...humanely euthanize me.”

His eyes were wide. The thought of HYDRA killing his omega brought a low growl to his throat, his chest rumbling with the vibrations of it. “No.”

“Well, clearly they didn’t!” She said brightly. “My file said I was a kicker.”

“So they gave you, an already aggressive omega, the serum, but never gave you any trigger words or fished around in your brain?” Bruce shook his head. “Surprisingly sloppy, considering who they are.”

“It’s not like they ever sent me out into the world. I stayed in my cell all day, unless I was needed for a rut. Then I went and stayed in a different cell.” She sighed. “And if they ever needed to, they could just use the alpha to grab me.”

Bucky clearly didn’t like the thought of that. He made a frustrated sound, leaning his head back again. “Great.”

“It was never bad.” She let go of his hand, moving her fingers to cup his jaw. “You never hurt me. You wouldn’t. Sometimes, when I acted up, they would make you go retrieve me, because they knew you were the only one who could do it. If they didn’t send you, they would just knock me out.”

“So...that was it?” Steve asked. “Ruts, serum, cryo?”

“For thirty years!” She chirped. “The last time they froze me, they were freezing him, too. They always tried to keep us in cryo at the same time so that I could be thawed out and ready when he needed me. But...I guess they just...left me there?” She frowned. 

“See, that’s what I’ve been trying to figure out.” Steve said. “I didn’t see any signs of a struggle at that base. I’d say they left in an orderly fashion, but the fact that they didn’t take you along makes me think they were in more of a hurry than they made it seem.”

“Natasha might have a better idea,” Bruce suggested. “We can talk to her, try to figure out—“

“FRIDAY, open the damn door or so help me God I will rewrite your entire personality.” A voice interrupted from the other side of the door. 

“I’m sorry, Tony, but Captain Rogers asked me not to.” The AI said. 

“Well, is it an emergency?” The man scoffed.

“No emergency measures have been executed. No security breaches have been identified.”

“Then I’m sorry, but Captain Rogers does not outrank me when it comes to my own robots. Open the door, beautiful.”

She seemed to sigh. “Very well, Mr. Stark.”

Ten perked up, leaning forward slightly. She was watching the door curiously, tilting her head a little when she heard it slide open. Bucky rolled his eyes, grumbling to himself quietly and pulling her up against his side as another alpha strode in. 

“Really? Having a party without me?” the man asked, a smooth, casual air about him as he walked in and looked at everyone on the couches. When his eyes landed on the omega cuddled up next to Bucky, he stopped. “Ah, is this our new guest?”

“Go away, Stark.” Bucky growled. He didn’t like how long the other man’s gaze was lingering on his omega, not when there weren’t any scars on her neck to show who she belonged to.

“Always such a charmer, Barnes.” Tony said, flopping down next to Steve. “Lovely to see you, too. Care to introduce me to your friend? ….No, you’d rather just snarl and forget your words? I knew you were old, but I didn’t realize you were actually a caveman.”

“Tony,” Bruce groaned. “Don’t aggravate him. Please.”

“Why not?” Tony leaned back against the cushions, completely at ease and totally happy to be pressing every one of Bucky’s buttons. 

“Are you Tony Stark?” Ten asked, wiggling out of Bucky’s grip to sit on the edge of their couch. 

Bucky caught her around the waist before she could get very far, though, and dragged her onto his lap. He loomed over her, sneering dangerously at Tony as the other alpha flashed a smile. 

“Bingo.” he said. 

“I never thought I’d meet a Stark,” she admitted. “I always heard about Stark Industries, but I lived too far away from any big cities to ever get to see any of his exhibitions.”

“Ah. You’re from my father’s time. Of course.” Tony shot a pointed glare in Bucky’s direction. “Seems like Bruce left out a few teensy weensy important details on the phone today.”

“Well, it’s been, uh...an ongoing learning experience.” Bruce said sheepishly. 

“Lots of developments, huh?” Tony raised an eyebrow. 

“You could say that.” Steve said under his breath. “We came up here so Ten could be more comfortable while we talk.”

“Oh yeah? What’re we talkin’ about?” Tony asked. 

“They were asking about my time with HYDRA,” she answered, cutting in before anyone else could. “And with...Bucky.”

Saying his name felt odd. Her tongue wasn’t used to it, and her mind wanted to call him alpha, or Winter Soldier. Bucky just seemed so…casual, such a strange thing to call a deadly super soldier. When she heard herself, though, she decided that she definitely didn’t hate it. 

Bucky’s heart gave a little leap at the sound of his name falling from her lips. He wanted her to say it over and over again, in whispers and in screams, for nobody else’s ears but his. 

“...Buck?” Steve asked, pulling him away from his thoughts. “You, uh, kinda zoned out there.”

It wasn’t until Bucky looked at Steve that he realized his eyes had been trained on the omega in his lap. “Yeah?”

“...Is this seriously how you’ve spent the past day and a half?” Tony asked. “Steve, I’m sorry, and I’m sure you’re just trying to be as helpful as you can be, like always, but I think you should let these two get a room.”

Steve looked at him incredulously. “Tony, really? I’m trying to get to the bottom of why exactly HYDRA would abandon the omega they pumped full of super soldier serum. They can get a room later—“

“Yeah, uh, wonder boy? I don’t think your pal is gonna last much longer before he tries to rip our heads off.” Tony nodded towards a very disgruntled Bucky. “You can resume your interrogation tomorrow, Cap.”

Steve looked to Bruce for help, but he only offered a small shrug and stood, heading towards the door. “He’s right, Steve. They deserve some alone time.”

“But—hey!” Steve protested as Bucky picked his omega up, striding past the two alphas sitting on the opposite couch. 

“Thanks for everything, Steve.” Bucky said over his shoulder. 

Ten squirmed, peeking around Bucky’s arm as she was carried away. “Bye, Mr. Stark!”

“Don’t look at him,” Bucky growled as they walked out the door. 

“Did his father really make hoverboards? I heard once that Howard was promising hoverboards—“

“No.” He said flatly. 

“...oh.” She huffed, slumping against him. “Where are we going?”

“My apartment.” Bucky stepped into the elevator, his grip still tight around her. 

The omega perked up. “You have a whole apartment?”

He puffed his chest out a little. “Course I do. Gotta have a nice place for you, don’t I?”

“So I can stay?” Her eyes were bright and happy. “I can stay there, with you, all the time? Not just when you rut?”

He felt a sad little pang in his heart. When he spoke again, his voice was low and soft. “Of course, sweetheart.”

Then, his eyes widened as he realized what he was saying. “I mean, uh...i-if you want to, that is. I know it’s fast and all, and maybe...would you rather have your own room? Or I can stay on the couch—“

“Bucky,” she cut him off with a laugh, a soft hand cupping his jaw. “You’ve been my alpha for seventy years. I’d say we’re actually moving pretty slow.”

His expression relaxed again, lips stretching into a small smile. “Right. Yeah. You’re right.”

They spent the rest of the elevator ride in comfortable silence, Bucky rubbing his scent glands all over her hair. He wanted to make sure that the next time they encountered anyone else, she smelled exactly like him.

Like her alpha.

When the elevator came to a gentle stop at Bucky’s floor, the doors opened, and he stepped out in front of his apartment door. It opened for him, having already scanned his biometrics, revealing a small, but cozy, living room. 

He set his omega down on her feet, watching anxiously as she stepped into his quarters. Did she like it? Fuck, was it too small? It was too small. She probably hated it. Fuck, fuck, fuck...he had to salvage this somehow. 

“Well, uh…” shit, he sounded too nervous. He wanted her to think he was a strong, capable alpha. 

He cleared his throat for another start. “Welcome home, Omega.” 

Wait. That wasn’t right. Should he be calling her that? No, probably not, it sounded too possessive, too uncaring. He wished he just knew her fucking name, or something. 

“I mean…Ten?”

Shit, he sounded so stupid. He wanted to impress her, not...do whatever this was.

She just laughed, though, turning and looking at him with those eyes that sparkled like starlight. “Amoretta. My name is Amoretta.”

[probably-haven]

Hello!! After seeing what you wrote about xiaoven fics I went to see what things you usually write and omg, your archon Venti headcanons????? I am absolutely in love. So if it isn't annoying, could you talk about xiaoven or Venti or Xiao or whatever ship or character you like? I don't care what you are going to say, I just want to know more about your thoughts ^^

I- is this... bestie, this is essentially a free ramble pass- kerujsgheskdfug. Trust me when I say that in no way is this, and in no way will it ever be annoying in the slightest- i literally- lets just say rambling off thoughts is kind of my specialty, especially when provided a topic to branch off of because otherwise I'm just- really indecisive about it so- iujskdh yeah- 100% definitely down to talk about Venti, Xiao, and/or Xiaoven XD. Also, yes- it may have been awhile since i last posted one(cuz again, indecisive about which direction to take part 5), but the Archon War Era Venti headcanons are still without a doubt my favorite posts I've made. It's just such an interesting topic with such endless potential that so few people actually think about or consider or even realize is there, so i always just get really psyched whenever i see someone interact with them lol.

.... this ended up being a bit of a mess: warning in advance

Anyway! onto the actual content!

- You see the thing about Xiaoven is that there's a lot of different ways that it could end up working out, and just personally my favorite way of portraying Xiaoven in my mind is as an unlabeled relationship because if anyone in genshin would give off that vibe its these two. And a number of other reasons.

- Firstly, I heavily headcanon Venti as being an aroace polyplatonic or perhaps heavily demiromantic. However, regardless of this I just don't think that Venti is really the kind of person to worry about how he should label his feelings, thinking it's silly to try to put them in one box or the other, especially with feelings and emotions being as fluid as they are in general. Plus it fits his whole God of Freedom vibe. I just- dont think he's the biggest fan of labels or social categorization in general.

- And secondly on the hand of Xiao... his defense mechanisms are very much ingrained in his personality. It's probably hard enough for him to not go into fight or flight(the answer is fight) at the slightest affection at first, at the slightest feeling of vulnerability. Even further down the line, with his fierce dedication to Liyue, I cant help but get the vibe that the moment he recognized that he was falling for Venti he would begin avoiding him, not only to avoid distraction from his duty, but to avoid corrupting him or losing him in general like he has with like basically every other person he gets close with(even believing that the cycle had repeated once more when he first heard of Morax's death)... now imagine Venti tryna slap a label on their relationship and tell me Xiao would have a positive reaction.

- The thing with Xiaoven.... honestly, i feel like theres more ways that it can go wrong than it can go right, but if they do manage to make their relationship work out, it's just simply beautiful in all terms of the word.

- Lets talk about killing. - During the Archon War, both were forced to kill a large number of people and gods alike- Venti out of a need to remain alive to protect Mondstadt, it's freedom, and the nameless bard's legacy by extent- and Xiao out of servitude to the god that was once his master

..... actually- break here- ive talked a lot about Venti on this blog but I havent actually spoken about Xiao all that much- so i should probably do that a bit first... do note though that my characterization of Xiao is pretty flexible actually- this is just- the possible characterization of him that i tend to favor as being the most- uh- "realistically complex"

-

Theres a line I saw this one time in a certain story: "He is a trained weapon. That's what he is, was, and always will be. You cannot change that so stop trying." And i just- think its a really interesting concept- that applies pretty well to Xiao now that i actually think about it. - the concept behind it is this: After spending more than a vast majority of his life killing or otherwise in battle, it's become a part of who he is, a normalcy that after centuries and centuries would be near impossible to get rid of or reverse, and even if it was possible, with his karmic debt constantly eating away at him its unlikely he has enough time left for that to happen. - it sounds like a cruel thing to say about him- but in context it's actually pretty layered and i think about it a lot. It's not as much a "he's a killer lol, that his whole personality" its more of a "The centuries of trauma he experienced have conditioned him into a constantly alert and battle ready mindset while also shaping his dehumanizing inferior-in-worth-but-superior-in-capability view of himself that would have likely been necessary to get through those time, and at this point he's been under that conditioning for long enough that it's essentially ingrained itself in his personality."

- the main idea is- it's a part of who he is, that needs to be accepted as who he is because its not something that he can just up and change. It's not all he is of course but his constant battle mode, as though always waiting to be ambushed or to be granted a new target to eradicate.

a couple character story quotes:

-"His past of service under the evil god had rid Xiao of his innocence and gentleness. All that remained within him was the means to kill and the weight of his sins. The only way he could be of service to mortals was in combat." -"Xiao does not feel any hatred. Having lived for over two thousand years, no single karmic debt constitutes anything more than a fleeting memory. No grudge can last a thousand years; nor is any debt so great that it cannot be paid off in this time. Xiao has spent many long years alone. But his battles have never been in vain." -"where did Xiao have to return to? He was merely leaving the battlefield." -"since Xiao wages a constant war against dark forces powerful enough to devour Liyue in its entirety, any bystanders who witness him in the heat of battle are likely to end up as collateral damage." -"The war he fights can never be won, and will never come to an end." -"Because ultimately, the one with whom Xiao wrestles is himself."

i feel like at some point this very nearly did consume his whole personality, almost turning him into nothing more than a being of slaughter under Morax's control, devoid of any "humanity" at all, consumed and corrupted by his karmic debt like his fellow yakshas before him. - until he experienced a moment of clarity- a song in the wind, the peaceful melody of a dihua flute. - and pulled back from the border of something he wouldnt have been able to return from, there a was a shift in his mind- a concept grown unfamiliar enough with time that it took him a great time to identify what it was; a curiosity. Something that there was no place for on the battlefield, something that by all means should have been completely useless to Xiao, and yet he held onto that curiosity, slowly regaining over time, a sense of who he was and who he could choose to be with each song that the wind chose to carry towards him every once in a blue moon.

and eventually that curiousity turned to longing. Longing "for a day to come when he will wear the mask and dance — not to conquer demons, but to the tune of that flute amid a sea of flowers"

...... uh- heh- if you couldn’t tell already i have a tendency to make my characterizations/analyses of characters more serious that i probably should. 

to summarize: Xiao is constantly toeing the line between his ingrained nature and his humanity- almost as though still trying to decide how much of that humanity he deserves to have, how much he is allowed to have, and how much is safe to have.

^looking back after writing this, i think the best way to explain it is that this is the view that i keep in mind/the lense that i tend to most enjoy looking through and refering back to while examining and/or analyzing his character, actions, story, lines, and overall personality.

idk- i kinda got off track but i just think its a really interesting interpretation to think about because it has some really interesting implications ig- it’s not the full extent of how i view him of course, but i kinda got ahead of myself and its long enough as is so ill just elaborate as i go- Lol i actually have in progress playlists for both him and venti and just- vibes- i could ramble about the playlists alone for hours explaining everything... It’s probably a problem- uh- ill keep going now lol.

anyways! stepping off the angst path for a brief break! Brought to you by their lines in the snow: both waiting for it to get thick enough, Venti for the purpose of a snowball fight and Xiao for the purpose of a tasty and nutritious breakfast.

but its actually something of note that Xiao doesnt actually need to eat so anything he does eat is usually out of obligation or enjoyment- so like.... snow.... like i dont blame him, but of all things- an adeptus who refuses to eat basically anything but almond tofu looks at the freezing-cold-floor-water that yeeted itself from above and decided at some point- damn- that seems more edible than basically ever single actually edible thing ever.... im gonna eat it- like- im glad if eating snow makes him happy but- at the same time...

He probably convinces Venti to eat snow too though and Venti wouldnt even resist I mean he’s wind and has probably consumed worse things in his time so- 2 anemo cryptids with glowing tattoos sitting in Dragonspine monching snow in the dead of night is an amusing thought to me.

- kay, now back to more serious-toned thoughts

One of the things about the ship that i really like is the different contradicting parallels between them:

A lot of how i view Xiao’s character is someone formed largely by the things he cant control and who was forced to accept that accepted that and learned to thrive in it as much as he can.  Venti on the other hand is surrounded by things he cant control and is ever adapting to control as much as he can while embracing whatever he cant as being part of the unpredictability of the world, seeing beauty in it. 

both of them have lost people and do what they do to honor their memory: Xiao continues to do what the Yakshas once did And Venti chooses to do what his friend couldn’t

Xiao’s power coming from himself  and Venti’s from others And both seem to appear to use their power for their own gain while truly helping others behind the scenes

both have killed a lot of people during the archon war Xiao views it as another necessary event out of his control and Venti would likely view it as a tragedy he chose to enact himself

and this is where we meet out balance

Xiao- contrary to how i think a lot of people view him as thinking of himself as a monster- seems canonically to have accepted this as part of his duty, as long as those he killed are not mortals. I dont think he enjoys it no- but someone has to do it and he’s just accepted that its a part of his duty Venti on the other hand-

See the beauty of the ship- as someone with an angst-centric mind- is this- these are two of the most traumatized mfers in the game 

Xiao is by far the one who needs the most help and who can serve to benefit most from the ship- but he is nowhere near self aware enough to recognize that there’s anything wrong or unhealthy about his mindset in the slightest-

whereas you have the contrast with Venti who sorted through most of his trauma with the nameless bard alone during the archon war and while the result appears more healthy- is still really not- but he’s not self aware of that either because i mean- who’s going to tell him? nobody even knows. 

however- venti is aware enough to notice flaws in Xiao’s mindset and “Venti” enough to want to help them through it-

Xiao- while not aware enough to recognize the flaws in Venti’s mindset, can recognize where it contrasts with his own, and is blunt enough to point it out- and then it’s out there to be mulled over- 

they’re so similar and yet so different and a feel just conversing between the two of them, being in each others precense, just being exposed to two mindsets that are so very different could do both of them a whole lot of good.

GEEE THAT BIT OF RAMBLING HAD LITTLE TO NO DIRECTION AT ALL- LET ME-- LET ME MAKE THIS START MAKING SENSE- WITH... DYNAMICS OR SOMETHING

I don’t think Xiao needs to sleep really- and i dont think that sleeping would do anything except make him uneasy at first- he’d probably just get nightmares after all he’s been through- but with Venti he would soon learn that it doesn’t have to be that way, lulled into the first peaceful sleep he’s had in... as long as he can remember.

anywho back to not making sense cuz im fickle and i think most questions about ships are best displayed through character interactions so like- a possible exchange thats cliche but cliches exist for a reason

Xiao: Why do you try so hard to help me, it isn’t easy. I know that much Venti, with the most adoring expression: Because you’re worth it, obviously Xiao: But surely there are others more deserving of- Venti: No Xiao, everyone is just as deserving as the next person, you included Xiao: Then why me above others? Venti: ehe, cuz ur my warrior of course [O//////O oh shit, hes right] Xiao: My contract is with Morax alone [gay panic but in broody yaksha]

it’s kinda difficult cuz neither of them really address their feelings.  I mean Venti does but he does it very indirectly and its rare that he ever does it with like- genuine directness- even spilling his backstory was in the form of a song- and told in the third person- so a lot of their interactions would often have some deeper meaning, especially with Venti being the bard he is. 

I come up with a lot of- errant thoughts about Xiaoven- but this is making me realize that a true analysis of their ship is rather difficult because it just encompasses so many dynamics so its hard to settle on just one and not go rambling about who knows what bouncing from one end of the ship to the other-  Because you truly can and thats the beauty of it

within one moment you can be having a heartfelt conversation about the archon war the impact of lost friends and times past, and the next moment Venti is trying to forcefeed Xiao an apple while Xiao screams about disrespecting the adepti and its just- so lovely

so while they have picnics with nothing but apples, dandelion wine, and almond tofu they can sit down and talk about the dreams Xiao once devoured, and the dandelion wine and apple cider that the first Ragnvindir invented from the plants that never could have grown in Old Mond. The foods that tasted of familiarity, or of the grilled ticker fish Pervases always used to eat, foods that tasted of friends and frankly family that had since passed, glaze lilies and cecilias and qingxin flowers scattered in the surroundings and woven into Xiao’s neat braids and Venti’s now messy ones, rebraided by the steady and inexperienced hands of one unused to gentle action. 

and then of course Venti steals Xiao’s tofu once the mood becomes too grim and replaces it with a bottle of wine that Xiao refers to as “vile poison,” a remark that fatally wounds Venti as he collapses on the floor, proclaiming how he can only be healed by a Yaksha’s kiss. Xiao ignores this of course and simply takes back his tofu with a slight smile on his face, but as Venti persists he soundlessly places a kiss on his own palm before intertwining their fingers and pulling him back up from where he was dramatically sprawled on the floor, grumbling about how such action was “unbecoming of an archon.” A sign of affection only Xiao would ever know about. But Venti is literally wind and I hc his senses work differently anyways so he definitely knows- plus Xiao’s face is red as the blood of his enemies and the way he is pointedly not looking at Venti at all really speaks volumes anyways. 

 -Venti playing epic battle music whenever Xiao goes into fights in what looks like a ridiculously extra performance to anyone else but is actually doing wonders to keep Xiao’s karma at bay

-Venti preaches the practice of “kissing wounds better” and Xiao is unfamiliar with this medical treatment but views it as unnecessary regardless because adepti have accelerated healing, doesn’t mean he’s going to stop him though. 

-Messages whispered on the wind

-Venti’s 1000 year sleep- an accident, not a fun time for the yaksha, and not a fun time for Venti once he woke up. Venti is actually more afraid of restful sleep than Xiao is, hence the sleeping in trees thing, but when Xiao is there, he can sleep restfully with faith that Xiao wont let another millennia slip through his fingertips. 

- Xiao tends to make excuses when doing things that aren’t necessary to his duty, like in his birthday voice line “Have this, it’s a butterfly i made from leaves... Okay. Take it. It’s an adepti amulet -- it staves off evil” because at the current point in his progress it helps him to feel like he’s allowed to do these things. Not wanting to put him off from progress, Venti never comments on his excuse but never fails to whisper a quick reminder of how proud he is of how far Xiao had come.

- Xiao’s karma saddens Venti greatly- not only because of how it effects Xiao but also because its a reminder that as much as Venti tries to honor the memory of those he’s killed, there will always be those who resent him for it, and when he took the option of living away from them, he truly can’t blame them. - And when he gets too wrapped up in thoughts, whether around this topic or similar ones or otherwise, eventually, he’ll hear the sound of a flute on the wind. It’s not divine by any means, but as his own wind connects him to the source, he gets the sentiment all the same. “What impact does one individual’s remaining wrath have on the present. You have done much to help the living in the present” the unspoken idea that Xiao has included himself in that statement, because now, with Venti’s help he’s beginning to learn just how to experience living for himself. 

- Venti’s form and Xiao’s mask are off limit topics though because if either mentions it the other will counter with the opposite and the mood will turn immediately bitter at the idea that both know that what they’re doing is destructive but neither are willing to change

- Venti who has different tells for negative feelings than most people because as much as he likes to pretend it is- this form isnt his, and Xiao who is able to identify those

- many fanfics and headcanons have Venti recognizing when Xiao is uncomfortable and getting him out of those situations. I see that and I love it but i raise you: - Venti taking Xiao to Mondstadt, careful that he doesn’t get to the point that he’s uncomfortable. And nothing goes wrong exactly, but Xiao notices the the way Venti’s cape is blowing in the wind, the way he’s holding his weight, barely on his feet so much as floating on the wind, connected with the ground only for the sake of appearance, all the while he looks just as happy go lucky as ever. And without a word, he grabs his hand and teleports them both out of Mondstadt.  - turns out it was just a slight thing that reminded him of the archon war (cuz i will die on the hill of him having more tragic backstory than just Decarabian), and he of course gives a sincere if not flustered thanks to Xiao, because he’s really not used to people noticing. 

- Venti trying to vent sneakily through fictional stories and Xiao is just like “Didn’t that basically happen to you” and Venti is just like “<_< shit”

- Venti once said affectionally that he wished he had met Xiao sooner and Xiao immediately and seriously shot it down by saying “If you had, I would have been forced to kill you” and both of them now stay up at night wondering who would have won that fight, not sure which result would have hurt more. (because honestly I have no idea who would win in that fight and that terrifies me- I like to think it would have been one of those legends that end with “and the fight persists to this day” or something along those lines)

- “How long have you been together?” “Adepti have no need for-” “1000+ years T^T how dare you deny our love” “O///O our...? ...useless”

- its disney- let me explain- i have this- i have this headcanon inspired by watching too many animatics- - so venti has a human form that isnt his- which he would have had to get used to moving in- and he’s a bard- - uh- anyway- as a third degree black belt in mixed martial arts, i can speak as an authority on this(not really an authority since i havent gone since quarantine but lets pretend). We have a thing referred to as the big three(most things do), and those things are martial arts, gymnastics, and dance. The idea is that they reflect really well off of each other and the best in any one category are good in all three. Timing, balance, form, discipline, technique, hand-eye coordination, grace, ease of motion, they all play a part- anyway-

- Venti taking Xiao’s prowess in martial arts and acrobatics and teaching him how to dance, and as someone who’s extremely skilled in the first two, the third comes easy to him, almost naturally. And it’s delicate and beautiful and lovely and it isn’t hurting anyone. And Venti points all these things out and more and despite how much Xiao insists that he feels ridiculous he truly does enjoy it and it goes a long way towards helping him form more healthy views of himself and his worth.  - Verr Goldett walked in on him once and made a joke about performing at the inn. unfortunately Venti was there and agreed on Xiao’s behalf before he could protest and- and it wasn’t as bad as Xiao thought it would be... he still wouldn’t do it again though without reason, but with good enough reasoning he could probably be convinced. 

- anyways point is he likes dancing to Venti’s songs and i just think that’s really cute - just picture the idea that all the animatics you see actually have the potential to be canon- ugh

- venti tries holding something out of Xiao’s reach since he’s taller and Xiao just fucking teleports 

- both need their space but when they dont, all they have to do is speak the other’s name and they’ll be there.

- and because i just had to.... love languages

- lets start with Xiao- i don’t think he’d view acts of service or quailty time as a love language tbh, and he blunt but really bad with words so affirmation is out, leaving gift giving and physical touch. However, he seems to view most material things as meaningless so- - Xiao who’s love language is in his fleeting touches, something he’s only recently grown comfortable with because of Venti, and now is giving back, which he knows he doesn’t have to do, but that he want’s to, though he’ll still continue to make excuses for each one. “you were shivering” “The inn is high up, you could have fallen..... I said what I said, you’d question an adeptus?”

- and as easy as it is to say words of affirmation for Venti- he does that for everyone- i want to say his is actually acts of service - its the acts of service that let him see just how much Xiao has progressed afterall, from teaching him to dance, to playing another song on the flute, to supplying him with the almond tofu he seems to enjoy so much. Every little thing he does helps Xiao to grow and he couldn’t be happier about that. 

-

- of course most of my headcanons for the ship do take place latter into the relationship because- y’know the less serious unhealthy vibes allow for greater range of thought, but i do still love to think about the serious implications so i kinda hopped back and forth. So sorry about how messy it is btw, i kinda- got carried away- it kinda got some kind of structure near the end tho so- maybe it’s okay. anyway- back to... lol something, we’ll see where thought forests lead. 

[omegalomania]

I think tumblr ate my ask or it just didn't sent but what are your favorite Bastille songs / what are some songs you recommend?

i did NOT get this ask im very sorry anon.

it's genuinely hard for me to narrow down cause bastille is pretty up there in terms of favorite artists. i love all their shit, but a special mention goes out to their second studio album wild world since it's the one that made me a Fan

uh so here's a primer i guess i spent too much time on this lmao.

if you wanna listen to their big hits:

flaws - their first single in the uk. if you ever listened to ship playlists on 8tracks in like 2013-2015 then you've probably heard this song or a variant on it at some point.

pompeii - this is the song that really put them on the map and you definitely know it. it dominated the charts all over the place.

happier - the marshmello song that you've definitely heard before too. i think bastille wrote this for justin bieber or some shit but then decided they liked it too much to give it to him? lmao. anyway if you're not digging the version you hear on the radio all the time i recommend trying the stripped down version

good grief - their big hit off their second album. big in the uk, didn't really make as many waves elsewhere, but it's a really solid song anyway. one of those "upbeat tunes that's actually really fucking sad" ones

things we lost in the fire - another one off their first album. if you live in a wildfire area this might not be one to turn to. or maybe you'll find it cathartic idk i certainly do!!

quarter past midnight - a song about escapism, as was fitting when it was released in 2018 and equally fitting now. running away for a night of fucking around with friends, craving any kind of brief departure from the chaos of the modern world

skulls - this one was not a hit or a single and is technically a bonus track but i'm including it because once again if you ever clicked on a ship playlist on 8tracks in like 2013-2015 you've heard this one. and you know what that was justified this one is also good

if you wanna feel existentially depressed:

their whole discography. i mean i kid but i also don't. that's just kind of how bastille does it. BUT IN ALL SERIOUSNESS ones that hit me in particular would beeee

two evils - kind of a grim, haunting one introspecting about morality of the self.

oblivion - musing about the afterlife, love, and how time changes all of us.

those nights - contemplating what it is we seek when we plunge into reckless escapism, and the inherent loneliness of it; how even when surrounded by people there's still the pressure of the world outside, continuously coming to pieces

the draw - this one was written about the pull of pursuing a career in music vs. staying home with family and friends. in a broader sense, it can apply to a lot of things. i always felt it resonated with feelings of paranoia and displacement

winter of our youth - discusses childhood, nostalgia, and regret. if it feels like everything's slipping away, is it easier to relive the past, especially if the past is tinted rose?

sleepsong - loneliness, desperation, and the cyclical, abyss-like nature of all it encapsulates

if you want discussion of serious topics:

final hour - a bonus track off their second album that also became a bonus track off their third album? anyway this song talks about climate change and gun control. happy stuff

doom days - this one talks about, uh, everything! doomscrolling, political divides, escalating national tensions, climate change again, etc.

the currents - a song centered on political rhetoric and the power that figureheads have over the masses, the way they can orchestrate hate. basically it's not so subtly aimed at donald trump lmao, dan's literally sung it as much in a few live settings

WHAT YOU GONNA DO??? - social media addiction and the way capitalism and corporate interests have annexed our online experiences, fighting desperately for our attention as they seek to monetize every available aspect of our lives

four walls (the ballad of perry smith) - well this one is about uh. perry smith. who was charged with the death penalty for killing 4 people in the late 50's. but it's less directly about him and more a discussion of the morality of the death penalty and capital punishment

snakes - burgeoning anxieties and the impulse to turn to easy outs, like ignorance or alcoholism, to escape the world's global problems

if you want some pop culture sprinkled on top:

icarus - greek mythology. i like this one because it addresses something that i feel isn't addressed enough in discussions of this myth, which is that icarus is a very young lad. less about the pride of the fall, and more about the inherent tragedy of that.

laura palmer - the whole song is a david lynch shoutout. i've never seen twin peaks myself but the song still slaps.

daniel in the den - christian mythology. discusses the biblical tale of daniel in the lion's den and links that up to themes of betrayal and family.

poet - this one's a double feature, referencing both william shakespeare's sonnet 18 and edmund spencer's sonnet 75. also one of my favorites.

send them off! - this is another one of my favorites of theirs. it's also been described by dan as "othello meets the exorcist" and it very much delivers there

if you want something uplifting:

joy - while bastille (understandably) has a bit of reputation as a band that makes sad music about sad things, they've definitely got some happier songs in their catalogue. pun intended cha ching. this one's one of their more straightforwardly happy tunes

survivin' - this was a song they wrote while they were touring and then felt weird about releasing once the panini hit because it felt a bit on the nose. they ended up releasing it anyway and i am so glad they did cause it's a mood

act of kindness - the "happy" part here is debatable but i'm gonna include it anyway. it’s when someone does something nice for you and that impulse Changes you way down deep you know???

warmth - one of those "the world's going to shit but at least we have each other" kinds of tunes

the anchor - one of those "the world's going to shit but you're the one fucking thing that's still keeping me here" kinds of tunes

give me the future - their latest single as of this writing and one of the more optimistic tracks in their catalogue imo! it's yearning, but it's also with a genuine hope for the future.

and LASTLY. because im going to take every chance i can to plug this band. im going to throw some collabs and covers at you because there's one thing this band does SUPER well and it's collabs and covers.

of the night - this is the big one. it mashes up rhythm of the night by corona and rhythm is a dancer by SNAP! and it's so good they still do this one live and it goes off every time.

no angels - a mashup of "no scrubs" by TLC and "angels" by the xx, poured into a strangely mournful tune with clips from the hitchcock movie psycho. doesn't sound like it should work but it does. kinda really does.

torn apart - with GRADES and lizzo no less!!! it's got two parts but they're both excellent listen to them both

weapon - collab with angel haze, dan priddy, and F*U*G*Z and one of my absolute favorites

remains - remix of their song "skulls" but featuring rag'n'bone man and skunk anansie that adds an entire new dimension to the song, really fucking excellent

old town road mashup - lil nas x's old town road meets lizzo's good as hell meets radiohead's talk show host meets talking heads' road to nowhere meets the osmond's crazy horse. "what the fuck that shouldn't work" i KNOW and yet here it is!! BLATANTLY BANGING!!!

we can't stop - one of the few times dan smith subtly changes the lyrics of the song he's covering (most of the time he opts to keep the original pronouns and the like, which is very nice to see). anyway this one mixes miley cyrus's we can't stop with eminem's lose yourself and billy ray cyrus's achy breaky heart. and also the lion king's i just can't wait to be king is there. yes i know it sounds batshit especially because the whole thing is surprisingly melodic and heartfelt and you know what it works.

anyone but me x nightmares - mashing up joy crookes' anyone but me with easy life's nightmares and absolutely one of my favorites.

bad guy mashup - how many songs can they include with the word "bad" in the title? we've got bad guy (billie eilish), bad decisions (bastille), bad romance (lady gaga), and bad blood (taylor swift). bastille even has a song called bad blood and they didnt use it. they used taylor swift's version. also the distinctive guitar riff from dick dale's misirlou is there.

somebody mashup - how many songs can they include with the word "some" in the title? someone like you (adele), somebody told me (the killers), somebody to love (queen), use somebody (kings of leon), and someone you loved (lewis capaldi). seriously these guys take mashups to a new level.

final song - this is a cover of MØ's final song. it also adds in craig david's 7 days and, impossibly enough, europe's final countdown. how does it work. how.

ALL RIGHT. THATS ALL IVE GOT IN ME. HOPE THIS HELPED ANON AND IM SORRY IF THIS IS TOO MUCH

[crystalirises]

i am completely in love with your harry potter au, got any more crumbs? maybe some young georgebur falling in love? maybe some george x revivebur reunion?

(2/2) oh also I have this hc that not only did wilbur trust george with the hufflepuff cup horcrux just like bellatrix, but that he also made george's wedding ring into the ring horcrux (yk the one that poisoned dumbledors hand? except this one wouldn't be cursed obviously) so george would always have a piece of his husbands soul with him wherever he goes :,( <3 this is way to romantic in my head considering the fact that you have to murder someone and literally split your soul in half to create a horcrux🤦

hello! So this might not be exactly what you wanted cause I kinda like...

You know when you want to write but you're like... nah, I'm tired?

Yeah I'm currently going through that XD. My second year in college is starting next week so I've been busy with enlistment of classes and stuff. I did do something about this (along with other stuff cause I couldn't help myself and someone else asked before if I could make like a second prompt for what happens to Fundy after he got obliviated).

So yeah, this is like ten parts of drabbles that take place in this AU. Sorry if this isn't what you wanted. I'm very sorry.

Fair warning, some parts are dark cause... Georgebur are the villains and well they win and this is a Harry Potter AU, y'all know the villain, y'all know what his agenda is.

Ao3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/31985884/chapters/82666897

I. First Meeting

“You’re all bark, Mr. Soot.”

He stopped, one foot already at the top of the stairs. Wilbur threw a careless glance back.

And, oh, he was glad he looked back. There were many students within Slytherin, and he only recalled the most interesting ones. George Lore had always been very intriguing. “How so?”

“You’re charming, but I’ve seen your… skills. You’re not very sharp.”

Wilbur laughed, moving back down the stairs to where George waited. He’ll show him sharp.

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II. Expelled

“George Lore, the only man I will ever love, I believe this is where we part ways—”

“Wilbur, please keep your mouth shut and assist me with my luggage.” Of all the replies, Wilbur did not expect that. He glanced behind George where a bunch of suitcases waited eagerly to board the boat that would lead them back to the train station. Wilbur was stricken. When they’d expelled him for the murder of some… honestly, he wasn’t quite sure who he had murdered - some nobody mudblood, that was all… one, he had expected George to track him down just for the sake of lecturing him on his stupidity. Yet it seemed, that wasn’t the case. “Well, Wilbur? What do you say? Do we head home to your family’s manor or to mine? Either works for me.”

“Love, as much as I would love for you to stay at my home, what are you… huh?” George rolled his eyes, huffing before finally placing his bags on the boat, muttering on how useless Wilbur was and how he really was just charms and good looks. Not to be upstaged, Wilbur immediately took over, carrying George’s heavy bags onto the boat despite his confusion. He bit the bottom of his lip, watching as George stepped on board, sitting down as he waited for Wilbur to get his own bags into the boat. “Don’t tell me you’ve snuck out. Think of your grades, love, you care so—”

“I care more for you than some school who accepted those filthy mudbloods in the first place.”

Wilbur smiled, “And that’s why I love you. Whoever I killed, they had it coming.”

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III. Isolation

George was growing tired of the same dingy walls.

He never thought he’d end up in Azkaban, but fate tends to surprise you.

They trapped him in there, thinking that the dementors would drive him to the brink of madness.

He’d be damned if they were to devour his happiness. His husband was dead, and so was their son. There was no happiness in his mind, and he could not bring himself to hope. Hope meant food for those damned abominations. He’d keep his thoughts and his emotions kept under lock and key. He won’t let them take what was left of what he remembers of Wilbur and their child.

He refuses to lose them again. Not again.

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IV. Loss

He wasn’t an orphan, but now he felt like he was.

Fundy rushed out of the house, hands wet with sweat despite the cold and rainy weather of London. His bag dragged across the pavement, his shoes splashing against the murky puddles. He didn’t dare to turn back, he couldn’t. Dream and Sapnap would be devastated if they knew what he had done, but Fundy couldn’t stay and endanger his parents any longer. He loved them, they were the best parents a kid could ever ask for. But Sally and Jared Salmon would be better off thinking that they never had a son and that their lifelong dream was to move to the Netherlands. Fundy walked faster, scared that he’d turn back the longer he stayed near the house.

He could feel the tears gathering in his eyes, but Fundy knew he needed to be strong. Sapnap and Dream needed him to be strong. They’ve all lost too much. He won’t cry until the war is over.

Who knows? Maybe he’ll actually like living in the wizarding world.

He just wished it didn’t have to come with the cost of his parents forgetting he ever even existed.

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V. Wedding Ring

George found it to be quite amusing, honestly.

You would think that the Order would know better. Incompetent fools, all of them.

He admired the ring on his finger, a small smile on his face. When they’d dragged him away to Azkaban, they had given him the mercy of leaving the wedding ring that Wilbur had proposed to him with. It was hilarious, if only they had known that they had been looking at a horcrux.

His husband’s horcrux. He shook his head, gazing over at the man who stood at the head of the war table. A map of Hogwarts laid on the surface, his husband’s focused gaze nearly covered by his curly, dark chocolate brown hair. He’d join in on the brainstorming once Wilbur had gained a bit of a plan. While George did adore his husband… he was more the charms than the brains.

For now, he keeps a part of his love’s soul close to his heart.

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VI. Knitting Habits

He’s never held a knitting needle before in his life, but he can’t say that knitting wasn’t fun.

“I never thought I’d see the day. You’re getting old, love. Should I get you a rocking chair too?”

George threw a ball of yarn towards Wilbur, eliciting a laugh as it hit Wilbur directly on the face.

“Ever the humorist, Wil. It would be funny if it wasn’t coming from a man who literally came back from the dead and looks decayed.” He sighed, leaning against the wall of the alcove. Wilbur was still mulling over their plans, a crease in his forehead. “I’m making a scarf for our little son.”

Now here’s to hoping that Fundy would like it. George did do it with the colors of their family.

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VII. Home

He trembled, the effects of the spell washing over him like a pile of snow.

George was whispering into his ear, but Fundy couldn’t hear him over the sound of his own breathing. Dream was dead, Sapnap got hit by a crucio spell, and George was taking him back to be tortured all over again. He continued to shiver, tears pouring past his cheeks no matter how hard he tried to keep himself from crying. The world around them melted back into existence, but all he could feel was his heart beating loudly in his chest and the arms wrapped around him.

“Shh, shhh, you’re alright, sweetheart.”

His captor pulled him along, keeping an arm wrapped around his shoulders, squeezing him every now and then each time he tried to put a bit of distance between them. He was led inside a room, and from the way it looked, Fundy could tell it wasn’t an ordinary guest room. It felt too lived-in, too personal. George led him to sit on the edge of the bed, gently petting his messy and dirty hair.

“It’s alright, Fundy. You’re home with dads now.”

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VIII. Scarf

Fundy scowled, the scarf somehow tight against his neck despite it practically falling off.

He felt George adjust it back around him, fussing over him like he was a child and not some captive that they’ve been keeping locked inside their room. Fundy knew he wasn’t the tallest, his best friends already joke - well, they used to - about it, but George was just a foot taller and still he somehow felt even smaller. He huffed, moving away until his back was against the wall of the alcove. George didn’t make a move to follow him, simply sighing before turning back to Wilbur.

He buried his face against the scarf, trying to bring himself comfort.

If he tried hard enough, he could catch the faint scent of ash and black licorice. Sapnap had worn the scarf at some point during the battle since he thought it looked comfortable to wear. Fundy had given it to him since he didn’t know where it came from and it had been too big for him.

What he’d give to go back to that time, instead of clinging to the fading scent of his best friend.

.

.

.

.

.

IX. Very Dark Blue Eyes

There was a stranger in his room.

Fundy nervously fiddled with the end of his scarf. His wand was still on the nightstand where he had left it, and the stranger was blocking his way. He’d barely seen anyone for the past few months aside from his dads, but he could already tell who the stranger was. The stranger was his age and had long black hair falling past his shoulders. Fundy knew he was a Halo immediately.

“Holy shit… Fundy! Finally, I’ve been scouting the fucking grounds for hours! This place has terrible security, well except for the wards but they were easy to break.” The stranger rambled on and on, each word striking Fundy with more confusion. He wasn’t sure why he was acting like they knew each other. Fundy had no friends - aside from his Uncle Tommy but Uncle Tommy was awkward around him - so he wouldn’t know the stranger, especially since they were a Halo of all things. The stranger moved closer, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. “I missed you!”

“Who are you?” He moved away from the stranger’s hold, avoiding the stricken look that the stranger was giving him. Fundy scowled. Of all the times to leave his wand where he couldn’t reach it. “I know you’re one of those… Halos at least. Now, how did you get inside my room?!”

“Fundy…” Very dark blue eyes gazed at him, hurt dancing in their stare. “It’s me, Sapnap…”

.

.

.

.

.

X. You’re a Wizard, Fundy

The letter came at some point during the night.

His mama had asked his papa if he’d enrolled Fundy in a faraway school by accident, but papa had said that he hadn’t. They were whispering about it during breakfast, throwing glances at him every so often as though they didn’t want him to hear. He pretended not to care, attention focused on his breakfast. Mama and papa weren’t arguing, but it almost felt like they were. He hoped that their conversation would be over soon, but it continued even after Fundy finished his breakfast. He left his plate on the table before walking out of the dining room and into the hall. Mama and papa didn’t seem to even notice that he had left. Now to find what was the problem.

He found the problem all too quickly, his scavenger hunt cut short by the fancy letter that had been left on top of a table in the hallway. Fundy held the letter in his hand, the paper coarser than most that he’d felt. He knew he shouldn’t be snooping, but his mama and papa never talked about something so incessantly, at least not something about him. He snuck back into his room, the letter clutched in his hand. Maybe he’d failed his entrance exam at the school his parents were enrolling him in? He pouted, but he’d studied so hard for it and it had been so easy for him!

Fundy didn’t know why his hands trembled as he tried to pull the letter open. Mama had folded it back to the way it had been, and he couldn’t really see the trace of ink at the back. A part of him wanted to hide it away, maybe then mama and papa would stop worrying about it. He didn’t know why, but a part of him felt like something was about to end the moment he opened the letter. He took a deep breath. He could handle long hours of studying, even though his mama and papa said it wasn’t healthy for him to stay up so late. He could handle what was inside the letter. With shaking hands, he opened it, scanning the life-changing words that were meant for him.

If he only knew what that letter meant at the time, then maybe he would have just burned it.

[sentient-stove]

Cartilage

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Characters: Virgil, Patton, Remy, Roman, Logan, Emile

Relationships: Roman/Remy/Emile, Familial Analogical, Familial Princxiety

Additional tags: hospitals, human au, autistic virgil, therapist emile, car accidents.

TW: MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH

Summary: Roman finds a teen during a traumatic event.  He adopts him basically.

Word Count: 2914

Notes: I didn’t kill virgil this time. (I have track record of doing that)

AO3

“Prince, we need a nurse in trauma room one, go!”

Roman looked up and nodded, speed walking to the trauma room, running into an anesthesiologist, who was flipping through a tablet.

“Do you know who’s in there?”

“No, but there was a bad wreck on I-37, father and son are coming in, it should be one of them.”  She turned.  

Roman nodded and they broke apart, with her heading to the other trauma room and Roman going to wash and put on the sterilized gear.  He was getting inside the room right as two paramedics came wheeling in a teen on a stretcher.

“Fractured ribs and possible collapsed lung, he’ll need surgery.”  One said and Roman nodded, helping transfer him to the table.

The room was dead silent as nurses and doctors worked, Roman quietly helping as the lung was reinflated and they stitched up a few smaller cuts on his face and chest.

When it was all over, Roman helped transfer him into a room.

“What’s his name?”

“Virgil Alt, fourteen.”  The other nurse said as he wrote it down and placed the clipboard in it’s holder at the edge of the bed.  “His father died while in surgery.”

Roman looked at the small body, swamped by machines and bandages.   “Poor thing.”

“CPS will probably be here once he wakes up…”  The nurse trailed off.  

…

Two hours earlier

“Dad?”

“Yes Virgil?” “Isn’t it kinda dangerous to be driving in the snow?  I mean, we did have a snow day because of it.”  Virgil looked up from his seat on the passenger side.

Logan sighed.  “We’ve talked over this before.  The roads have been cleared now, and I wouldn’t be taking us anywhere if I wasn’t absolutely certain that we would be in danger.”

Virgil nodded and turned the radio on.  “Sorry for being nervous.”

“It’s perfectly fine to show concern.  It is late at night and there has been an increase in car accidents.”

Virgil hummed and pulled a rubix cube from his hoodie, relaxing as Logan snuck a glance at his son.

“I love you Virgil.”

“I know Dad, you get so sappy at the most random times.”  Virgil didn’t look up at his cube and Logan smiled before returning his gaze to the road.

Sure, it was dark and late, but they would be fine.

Unfortunately the semi that hit the patch of black ice would prove otherwise.

...

Roman got home around midnight, quietly creeping to the bedroom that he shared with his husbands, being careful as he got changed out of his scrubs and climbed into bed to join Remy and Emile.

Both were already asleep, thankfully, Roman hated it when they waited up for him and so he threw an arm over Remy and pulled the comforter back over him as his breathing settled.

Poor kid.  Roman wished that he could get out the thought, he’d seen plenty of people die during his time as a nurse, but this was his first time with a child losing his family.

Hopefully he had another relative that he would wake up to.

…

Virgil woke up in extreme pain, head feeling fuzzy as he attempted to sit up, only to have a hand at his shoulder, gently pushing him back.

“Hey kiddo.  You had a bit of a rough night, so you need to lay back, okay?”

Virgil nodded.  “Where am I?”  He turned his head to see a cheery looking man with curly hair writing something down.

“Hospital.  You got into a bad wreck last night.  We had to fix your lungs and give you some stitches.”

Virgil could vaguely remember last night and he blinked slowly.  “Where’s my dad?”

The man pursed his lips.  “I’m not sure.  Probably in a separate recovery room.  I’ll have to ask around.”

Virgil nodded and settled back.  “Everything hurts.”

“We’ll get you some medicine, okay?”

“Thank you.”

“Just doing my job kiddo.  You’ll be back to normal in no time.”  The man smiled softly.  “I’m Patton.”

“Thank you Patton.”

…

Roman danced around the kitchen, Remy sneaking from his spot on the counter and Emile already sitting at their table, the only one completely ready for the day as he took a drink of his tea.

“I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream!”  Roman sang as he approached Remy and tapped him on the nose.

“Ew babes, you know I hate the mushy stuff.”

“That’s not what you said this morning when you were trying to convince Emile to not get out of bed.”  Roman teased as he turned back to the stove and flipped the French Toast that he was making.

“It was cold!”  Remy complained and Roman gave an easy laugh.

“Sure love.”

Remy stuck out his tongue at him, before moodily picking up his coffee and taking a sip.

“Ro, what shift do you have today?”  Emile called.

“Noon to five.”  Roman put the French Toast on a plate and handed it to Remy, dipping the next two slices of bread into the egg mixture he had.

“I get off at six, should we do a date night tonight?”  Emile looked at the pair and Remy nodded.

“I just have to email a few people and then I’m done with work, so I can do the planning if you guys are okay with that.”

Roman flipped the toast again.  “Sounds great.”

…

Patton sighed quietly once Virgil fell back asleep.   He didn’t want to be the one to break it to the teen that he was alone in the world now.  

Lying to him was wrong, but he didn’t know what else to do.  Patton checked the vitals again before leaving the room, nearly running into a fellow nurse, Roman.

“Hey Popstar!”  Roman smiled at him as he sidestepped and Patton gave him a weak grin back.

“Hey Ro.”

“Is the kid okay?”

“For now, we still haven’t broken the news to him though… I don’t want to be the one to do it.”

Patton sniffed a bit and Roman held out his arms, welcoming the other into his embrace.  “It’ll be alright, he has family to take care of him.”

Patton shook his head.  “No he doesn’t.  It’s just him and his dad.”

Roman exhaled slowly.  “Oh.”

…

Virgil decided that he didn’t like the hospital.  No one was telling him where his dad was, most people just gave him sad looks and said that they didn’t know where he was.

So he took it into his own hands after the nurse left him, saying that she’d be back if he needed anything.

He kicked away the tight sheets and winced as the pain in his ribs flared as he moved to stand.  Virgil didn’t let that deter him though as he pulled the IV along with him, being careful as he detached everything else like how he’d seen the nurse do when she let him have a bathroom break.  Nothing went off, which was good, and Virgil walked unsteadily to the door of his hospital room and pushed it open, the IV rolling next to him.

The hallway was surprisingly empty as the teen wandered down in, looking through the windows of every room as he looked for his father.

“Dad?” Nothing.  Virgil took a deep breath as he turned down another hall, bare feet quiet on the cool floor.  

He was passing another door when a nurse came out, looking startled.  “Hey, what are you doing up little guy?”

Virgil tilted his head to the side.  “Looking for my dad, his name’s Logan Alt and people keep telling me he’s here but not where.”

The nurse’s face crumpled.  “Oh, I’m sorry.”

“Why?”

…

Roman was finishing up with a patient when a scream rocked the floor that he was on, a horrible, heart wrenching thing that clearly communicated that whoever was the source was in pain.

He rushed out into the hall, looking for the source and seeing that one of his coworkers was trying to hold down a thrashing child as the kid screamed.

Not a child.

Virgil.

He must have found out about his father.  Roman hurried over to the other nurse and laid a hand on his shoulder.

“If you keep trying to hold him down, he could collapse a lung again.”

Virgil screamed again as the nurse let go and he curled up into a ball, still sobbing as the screaming died down.  Roman reached out a tentative hand to rest on Virgil’s collarbone.

“DON’T TOUCH ME!”   Virgil yelled and Roman recoiled, an apology on his lips as he backtracked in his mind.

Virgil shuddered and let out another sob as a few more nurses entered the hall, seeing the three people on the ground.  Patton was among them and Roman watched as the teen’s eyes locked onto the nurse.

“You lied to me!  You said he was okay!”  Virgil struggled to sit up as he pointed.  “You said “You’ll be back to normal.”  and my dad’s dead now!”

Roman could feel the tension as if it was another person, and Patton’s eyes filled with tears.

“I’m sorry kiddo…”

“STOP!  I DON’T LIKE LIARS!!!”  Virgil screamed and then the solution to the problem practically slapped Roman in the face.

“Virgil.  Look at me.”

The teen let out a shuddering breath and turned his head to Roman, refusing eye contact.  Roman reached out his hands, keeping his palms up.

“We’re gonna count to ten, together okay?”

“I don’t want to…”

“Please?  We need to make sure that you can breathe.  I’ll start.  One.”

“Tt..two.”  Virgil stuttered out as gasping sobs ran through him.  Roman smiled softly.

“Good job.  Three.”

“Four.”

Virgil crawled a bit closer, still avoiding eye contact as he took more breaths.  “Five.”

“Six.”

Virgil placed his hands on top of Roman’s, looking at the wedding band that the man had on.  “Seven.”

“Almost there Virgil.  Eight.”

“Nine.”

“And ten.”  Roman exhaled and gently wrapped his hands around Virgil’s  “Can I help you walk back to your room, I don’t want you to get anymore hurt.”

“Okay…”

Roman helped him stand and then pulled the IV out of his arm carefully.  “Do you want me to hold your hand?”

“Yeah… Really tight though, please?”

“Of course.”  Roman tightly gripped Virgil’s hand.  “Any other touch no’s that we need to know?”

Virgil silently shook his head, and Roman noted that there were still tears streaming down his face as the nurse led him back to his room.  He helped him back into the bed and hooked him up.

“Did you get out yourself?”

“Yeah.”

Roman whistled.  “Impressive kiddo.”

“Don’t call me that.”  Virgil's voice was sharp and Roman nodded.  “It’s okay, I’m sorry.”

“Liar called me that, why did he lie to me?” Roman looked up to see that the teen was making eye contact, storm grey eyes filled with misery and hurt.

“I don’t think that Patton meant to hurt you Virgil.”

Virgil hissed and looked away again, starting to cry again.  “My dad’s not coming back…”

Roman finished with the replacement IV and reached forward to card a soothing hand through Virgil’s hair.  “I’ll make sure that you’re taken care of, promise.  I know that your dad can’t come back, but there’s a lot of people here that care about you.”

“Promise?”

“Yes.”

…

Emile and Remy both got calls from their husband that he wouldn’t be able to come home in time for the date and that he had something to discuss with them when he did.

Naturally both were concerned and waited up for Roman to return, which he did around eleven thirty, not surprised to see them both on the couch.

“Hey loves.”

“Is everything okay Ro?”  Remy asked as Roman sat down in the beanbag, instead of going to the couch.

“Not really.  Bad work stuff.”

“What happened?”  Emile said as he leaned forward and offered his husband a tissue.

“There was a bad car wreck yesterday night, father and son got plowed off of the road by a semi… Uh, the father died.”

Remy gasped and Roman sniffed, wiping at his tears.  “We were all trying to figure out how to tell him and he didn’t take it well.  I’ve never heard such a heartbreaking scream.  No relatives and he’s slightly autistic and I promised that I’d make sure he was safe. I can’t break that.”  Roman started to cry as Remy and Emile got off the couch, wrapping their husband in a hug as he sobbed.

“Hey, it’s okay.”  Remy soothed as he pressed a kiss to Roman’s hairline.  “We’ll do anything to help, okay?”

Emile nodded.  “If he needs a home, you know that we’ll give him the best one he can get.”

Roman let out a watery laugh.  “Seas and stars, I love you two so damn much.”

“I should hope so, you fucking married me.”  Remy responded.

…

Virgil hated change.

New house, new people feeding him and new smells hit him all at once when Roman finally said he could leave the hospital.

He didn’t like Patton still, but he promised not to hiss at the nurse when he came in anymore.

Some weird lady had led him out of the hospital, saying that she was part of the government and that Virgil could call her ‘mom’ if he wanted to.

He didn’t.

She had taken him to Dad’s and his house, and he had had an hour to pack all of his stuff.

Someone else would take Dad’s stuff, but Virgil had managed to take Dad’s favorite tie and his book collection with him.

Now he was sitting in the lady’s car as she chattered happily about something that he wasn’t paying attention to.

He wanted Dad.  Dad smelled like books and he let Virgil learn about stars and sailor culture, and taught him how to use rubix cubes.

But Dad wasn’t an option anymore.  The lady had told Virgil that there was gonna be a funeral on Saturday and then after that, he was going to meet his new family.

Virgil tucked his head against his chest and quietly let himself cry.

... Emile was nervous as he adjusted his tie and sweater again, looking at the door.

“Babes, con calma, they’re not going to be here for at least another ten minutes.”

It was Saturday afternoon and Roman had gotten a call that Virgil would be arriving with a social worker within the hour and so Emile had made sure that everything was as calming as it could be.

The poor kid, having to go to a funeral and then change houses all in the same day.

There was a knock and Emile surged forward, pausing before he could fling the door open.

“Ro, they’re here!”

“Okay! I’m coming down!” Emile opened the door to see the social worker, with Virgil behind her, slouched over as if he was trying to take up as little space as possible.

“Roman?”  The social worker grinned and Emile let out a nervous laugh.

“Ah no, that’s my husband.  I’m Emile.”

“My apologies.  May we come in?”

Emile turned to the side and let them in, smiling softly at Virgil, who pointedly looked away after making eye contact.

“Roman?”

“Nah, I’m Remy, Roman’s other spouse.  Take a seat on the couch, Roman will be down in a minute.”

Virgil didn’t sit and Emile sat next to Remy as Roman came downstairs, beaming at Virgil.

“Spiderling!”  

Much to the shock of the social worker, Virgil set down his back pack and walked over to Roman, holding up his arms.   The nurse picked up the fourteen year old with ease and hugged him tight.

“I missed you.”

“It’s only been five days, seven hours and thirteen minutes.”  Virgil said back as Roman put him down, although he still clung close.

The social worker cleared her throat.  “You three just need to sign a few papers and then I’ll do monthly check ups to make sure you’re fit to be parents.”

“Thank you.”

…

It wasn’t perfect.

Virgil still held a lot of trauma from what had happened and he had to go to a therapist that wasn’t Emile so that it would be more effective.

But Roman would always admit to crying the first time that Virgil called him Dad.  And even though it was mutually agreed that Logan was always going to be Virgil’s real dad and that he wouldn’t have to feel obligated to call any of his adopted parents that, somehow, over the course of the next year, Virgil warmed up to them.

There were always bad times, and they stopped celebrating Christmas, due to the time of year that the accident happened, but they always made it through.

Remy ended up teaching Virgil about latte art, which became a heavy fixation of their son’s, leading to lots of coffees with too much cinnamon when he messed up, or the most glorious cup you had ever seen depending on if it went well.

Emile and Virgil bonded over Saturday morning cartoons and sugary cereal, and he was the first one that Virgil accidentally called Mom.

Emile liked it and so it stuck.

Roman was the one who spent the most time with Virgil and as the teen grew up, he was grateful to have someone that had spent the time to find out everything he could about Logan, making sure that his Dad wasn’t ever forgotten.  Roman never broke his promise.

He kept Virgil safe.

[yikesharringrove]

the fic you wrote for my last prompt was amazing, ty 😭 can you do 50 + 56 this time please? and if you want to work in dyslexic!steve too that would be awesome! 🥰

You are speaking my fuckin’ language, dyslexic Steve is my ABSOLUTE jam. Honestly, whenever I write Steve, he’s dyslexic, although sometimes it’s not mentioned because it’s not important to Harry’s journey @ jk rowling

Thank you for your request! I’m really glad you liked the other one I wrote! You’re anonymous so I don’t know which one that is but I really enjoyed writing them all! Sorry for my manic energy rn.

Something a little different, it’s modern au! This is probably nothing like what you were thinking so I’m sorry, but I kinda love it ngl.

50: Secret Admirer

56: “I don’t know if I should be flattered or offended.”

Prompt list!

Billy spent three and a half hours reading through every single tweet on the account.

There were so fucking many of them. The earliest one was timestamped from four days ago, so obviously, this person had no life outside of tweeting.

Tweeting about Billy.

He had a few personal favorites. He had retweeted them to his account, figuring may as well play it up, make a joke outta everything.

@ImHardForHargrove: sorry WHOMST gave you the RIGHT to have eyes that fuckin blue im YELLING

@ImHardForHargrove: watchin u play basketball is a religious experience y are ur arms so BIG hhnnnng

And Billy’s absolute favorite, which he pinned right at the top of his account

@ImHardForHargrove: ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass

Billy knew he looked good. Knew he turned heads wherever he went. He did that on purpose. But realizing someone at Hawkins High had set up a thirst account for him, well.

“I don’t know if I should be flattered or offended.” Billy had explained the situation to Robin, letting her go through the account on his phone. “Like, It’s kinda nice, whoever this guy is, he’s got a crush. But also like, It’s kinda creepy. Plus he’s objectifying me,” Billy was talking through his sandwich.

Robin made a face of disgust. “Why do you keep saying ‘he’? All of the girls in this fucking school are practically drooling for you.”

“Hard for Hargrove, Robin. I know you’re like, revolted by the peen and whatever but that does not excuse a lack of basic sexual education and anatomy.” She gagged at him. Honest to God, gagged. He thought she was gonna spew all over the table.

“If I ever hear you call it a peen ever again, it’s on sight Hargrove.” Heather plopped herself down next to Robin, kissing her cheek before zeroing in on Billy’s phone, still in Robin’s hand.

“Have you guys worked out who it could be yet?” Her eyes were wide at Billy.

“Billy says he thinks its a guy even though people with penises aren’t necessarily men.” Robin gave him a pointed look.

“Yeah Robin, I know that, but, I don’t know I just think it’s a guy penis-having person.”

Heather narrowed her eyes at him. “Do you actually think that, or are you just hoping in that goblin little brain of yours that this account is Steve Harrington’s.” Billy could feel the heat spread down his neck.

“Billy, I know Steve is like, the only out guy in this whole fucking town, but you can do way better than him.  PLUS, I feel like it makes more sense if the person running this account wasn’t out and had to channel their gay yearning through social media.”

“First of all Robin, you have this vendetta against Steve that I don’t get. He’s a nice guy. He’s kinda dopey, kinda dumb, but he’s like, sweet and shit. Second, I’m not out, so it still could be him because he doesn’t think I would, like, accept his advances or whatever. Hence, gay internet yearning.” The chime of the bell sent them packing their lunches, Billy’s phone vibrated in Robin’s hand. She rolled her eyes when he realized he turned on notifications for the account

“Get a fucking life you loser.” She slapped the phone into his hand. He opened the new tweet with embarrassing zeal.

@ImHardForHargrove: i saw u talking with ur mouth full and it was yucky but i was still  🥺🥺

His head shot up, trying to see who would have been facing him during lunch, but the cafeteria was almost empty.

The rest of the week Billy took deliberate care of every interaction he had with anyone. Observing who was in his surroundings, and making note of everything he did and said. He took extra caution around Steve, wanting to spot any minute detail that could give away who ran the account.

The account started blowing up. People were retweeting like fucking crazy. Everywhere he went, he was being asked if he’s seen it, like he doesn’t regularly retweet the good ones. The search for the owner of the account had spread throughout the whole school. A few girls even tried to claim the account was theirs, but every time that happened the account would tweet out something to discredit whoever made the claim, proving them a liar.

Billy was starting to lose hope it was Harrington. The tweets were coming at all different times, posted whenever the person thought about it, so Billy was losing track of who was near when he said or did something. And the tweets were always about stupid stuff Billy didn’t register doing. On Wednesday night the account said

@ImHardForHargrove: hi when you chew on your pencil and it makes me 🥴 that is all thx for comin to my ted talk

Friday afternoon gave them all:

@ImHardForHargrove: walked past ur classroom and u were asleep ive never wanted to CUDDLE someone so bad in my LIFE

But Saturday, Saturday renewed all hope for Harrington Billy could possibly have. Lauren Kranz was throwing a party. It was the first real rager in a while, so everyone was there, and everyone was sloshed. Everyone but Billy, who’d agreed to be designated driver for Robin and Heather like some kinda idiot.

He was brooding on the back porch when his phone went off. The account was active, and the owner was drunk.

@ImHardForHargrove: I can seeeeee u oyt the windw I wan u 2 FUC ME. RAW DOG.

@ImHardForHargrove: srry ur so beauitiful nd THICCC

@ImHardForHargrove: I wana shoot my shot but idk if u lik bois

@ImHardForHargrove: (ys i am boi)

@ImHardForHargrove: nd i dont wana get my heart broken agin 😥

He was right about it being a guy. He was right about him being too nervous to approach him outright. His brain was screaming stevestevesteve at him. Hawkins was shook when Steve came out as bisexual in his sophomore year. He was the golden boy, a real jock. He was NOT the kind of guy people would assume queer in a small midwestern town.

He was kind of a douchebag, dumping one girl for another, sleeping with her and never calling again. But then he settled down with this guy from the University of Indianapolis for a few months until Steve caught him cheating. Apparently, he had slashed the guy’s tires. Billy was impressed.

The next year came Wheeler, who only stuck around long enough to make sure Steve was nice and whipped before she fucked off on him too. So Steve retreated. Spent more time with middle schoolers than anybody else. Didn’t want to put his heart on the line anymore until he knew it wouldn’t be stomped on.  Billy could respect that.

Billy couldn’t risk being out in a town like Hawkins. Word always had a way of getting right back to his dad, and in a tiny hick town with nothing better to do than gossip, it was usually only a matter of hours before Neil heard something he didn’t like.

@ImHardForHargrove: srry 4 bad typing rn. drunk nd dysl exic ren’t a happy combo

Billy’s heart stopped. The drunken idiot was giving himself away. Maybe if he sat here staring at the account long enough, enough would be revealed he could figure it all out like a shitty drunk episode of Blue’s Clues.

He was so focused on Twitter, refreshing his feed, again and again, he didn’t notice a very drunk, and very unsteady Steve Harrington stumbling out the back door towards him. Until he crashed into his back.

“Sorry, Bill!” Billy had Steve by the shoulders trying to keep him upright. “Heyy I have a question for you.” Steve grabbed one of Billy’s hands and veered over to the table and chairs arranged neatly on the small patio. When they were sitting, Steve kept ahold of Billy’s hand.

“Hi.” Steve was smiling like a little kid. Billy was in fucking love.

“hey, Harrington. What was your question.”

“So-oo. I have this friend. A very good friend. Super close. And he has a big ol’ crush on you but he’s too scared to ask you himself because he keeps getting his heart fuckin’ broken so he wanted me to ask. Are you into guys?” It’s a miracle Billy understood any of that, every word blending into the next.

“That depends.” Billy leaned in, running his tongue along his bottom lip. He saw Steve take in a sharp breath, following the movement with his glazed eyes. He knew Steve was talking about himself, he just wanted to rile him up a little. Make him blush first. “This friend you’re talkin’ about. He’s our age? Like you’re not trying to set me up with one a’ your kids, right?” Steve physically recoiled.

“NO, you fuckin’ pedo. I’m NOT trying to set you up with a fuckin’, fuckin’ middle schooler. My friend is, uh eighteen. He’s a senior.” Unless Tommy fuckin’ H. suddenly had a penchant for dick Billy didn’t know about, Steve was 100% talking about himself.

“Well, if he’s as pretty as you are, I’d love to go out with him sometime.” Billy winked. Steve went red.

“Okay, but like, does that mean you’d go out with me? Like I’m as pretty as me, right? Because I was talking about me. Not ‘a friend’ I was talking about me. Steve.”

“Yeah, I kinda figured that out. You know, I was hoping it was you running that Twitter. Any time you’d tweet out something you wanted to do with me, I was always picturin’ doing it with you, Baby.” Billy was practically purring. “Especially all the shit you wanted me to do TO you.” Steve gave something between a whine and a groan and flopped himself onto Billy’s lap, straddling him with very little grace.

“Thank God. ‘Cause you’re so fucking hot I’d let you do anything to me. Anything, Bill.” Billy smiled softly at him.

“Then let me take you home. Let me put you in bed to sleep off all this. And let me take you to breakfast tomorrow. Something nice and greasy for your hangover tummy.” Steve was a puddle in Billy’s lap. “C’mon, Drunky, git your ass up.” Steve just giggled and muttered Drunky Skunky under his breath.

Billy sighed and stood up, hefting Steve up with him.

“Bil-ly,” Steve whined. “You’re so strong, this is so fucking hot. I gotta tweet about this.”

“Tweet it later, Sweet Thing.”

It took Billy for-fucking-ever to find Robin and Heather (they were making out in the basement with the stoners). But Steve chirped and cooed into his ear, so happy Billy could lift him and hold him like it was nothing.

The last tweet from the account was timestamped from Sunday evening.

@ImHardForHargrove: Hi this is Steve. Billy’s my boyfriend now 🥰#ThirstWorks

[imagine-loki]

Atlas: Space, Moon

TITLE: Atlas: Space

CHAPTER NO./ONE-SHOT: 5/12

AUTHOR: fanfictrashdump

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine narrating episodes of Loki’s life with the Avengers based on the songs from Sleeping At Last’s “Atlas: Space” album. 

RATING: T-M

NOTES/WARNINGS: Welcome to my Sleeping At Last’s Atlas: Space challenge, aka Another writing project I do not have time for, but my brain insisted on doing.

This series will be less like a multichapter fic and more of a one-shot compendium, but that they all interconnect in one way or another. It will revolve around Loki and Becca’s relationship (Taking Turns, Glow, Helmet Heists–don’t worry, more Loki-Charlie stuff will be along) and I will use those one-shots as reference to the timeline. Each chapter will be one song, used as inspiration for the story.

Chapter 5: Moon

Summary: Hell hath no wrath like an out-of-the-loop Tony. Are you ready for this to get kinda soft? Because it gets kinda soft. (Happens previous to Taking Turns.)

Warnings include: Language. Loki wishing heat-stroke had taken him, soft and vulnerable frost giant fluff, and two idiots who just need to fucking kiss already.

=

[Instrumental track-really good reading music, btw]

Loki groaned pitifully as he awoke. His whole body felt like it had been dipped in lead and tossed to the bottom of the deepest ocean where he fell into an ever-deepening trench. Except he wasn’t dipped in anything. He wasn’t in the ocean. He was in the Med Bay, after, most likely, being pulled out of the mission, and, after the humiliation of passing out, he just wished he was drowning.

He tried moving his fingers first, opening and closing his fists tentatively to gauge the ache. He found the dull throb a reminder that he was, indeed, an idiot. His skin looked pale–well, paler than usual–and several lines seemed to have been placed directly into his veins with fluids. He wondered how Banner had even managed to get the needles to pierce his skin, but that was neither here nor there.

A noise of pages turning beside him, rustled. Loki bargained with the universe to end his miserable existence now, rather than have to face the person he knew was occupying the chair beside his bed. The universe denied his plea, as it always did. He wondered why he even bothered asking, anymore.

Becca looked about as tired as he felt. Though her hair was tied up in a sleek braid that was draped over her shoulder, and her clothes looked fresh and kempt, her eyes had dark bags beneath them. They were also rimmed in red. She had been crying. Surely it had not been over him, had it? With a groan, he sat up.

“Welcome back.” Her voice was soft, though hoarse and her face was littered in small, half-healed cuts. He must not have been asleep for too long. He was almost hesitant to break the calm quietness of the moment, though that was quickly solved. 

The sound of Bruce repeating Tony’s name in a plea echoed in the empty medical facility. A second later Tony, red in the face, was in front of Loki’s cot, pointer finger gesturing the Prince.

“Do you have any idea how fucked we could have been because of your little stunt?” Loki had the good sense to look down in shame, hair forming a dark curtain around his face to hide the flush creeping up his neck. “If Becca hadn’t been in position to get to you, we’d be retrieving your corpse right around now. Do you understand that, Loki? Dead! You would survived every other fucking thing the Universe had thrown at you and you would’ve bowed out because of fucking heat stroke!”

He growled, seemingly no longer capable of speech and knocked over a tray, making both Becca and Loki start.

“I had to pull Thor from his assignment because I had no idea if he was going to pass out, too. We had to scramble the whole roster to finish the mission because you weren’t bothered to tap out when you reached your limit! We nearly fucked this whole op because of you. You are in such deep shit, Mischief. I swear to God!”

With that sentiment hanging in the air, Tony turned tail and stomped his way out of the hospital room.

Loki turned to Becca, his eyes looked pained as he took her in. “I’m so–” She raised a finger, wordlessly telling him to hold his thought before she pointed back at the Med Bay entrance where Tony was rushing back in. She seemed almost amused by the man’s predictability. In reality, she was just used to seeing this song and dance routine being done with Peter.

“A frost giant in 110 plus degree heat? Really? You should have told us, Loki!” He roared and Loki stilled as his blood ran as cold as his species name. “You should have told us the second you started working here. Let me be clear. I don’t give a shit what the hell you are. You can be an ice giant, a fae princess or a goddamn opossum–you don’t keep that from us!” He raked his hair frustratedly, trying to swallow the rest of his yelling and barely succeeding. “I would have given you a different beat on mission. I would have given you both a different beat.” Loki opened his mouth to protest, but was promptly cut off. “Do you think I don’t know you went on that mission because of Becks? What kind of a moron do you take me for?”

“Not a damn word, Loki,” Becca warned, smirking. “This is not the moment to be clever.” Loki pressed his mouth to a thin line, glaring shortly at the woman for denying him his only defense mechanism at present. 

Tony rolled right through the joke, too keyed up to be amused. “You are grounded, do you hear me? Grounded! No more missions until I decide that you’ve learned your damn lesson. No more leaving the compound for pizza in the city. No special passes to Asgard. Completely grounded. Am I understood?”

Loki surprised himself by nodding effusively to the demands, back pressed against the headboard as though he intended to meld into the wall behind him. Tony stomped back out, muttering out loud about idiots who were going to give him a heart attack. Loki glanced back at Becca, who was sitting crisscross, book abandoned on the portion of her thighs left bare by her shorts. In the scratchy paper gown Loki felt entirely out-of-place in her presence. Still, he couldn’t find it in himself to want to leave.

Despite her neutral expression, he could see something akin to hurt lurking behind her eyes. “I didn’t tell–”

“It’s fine,” Becca cut in, waving him off. “It was none of my business. I get it.” She sniffed delicately, her eyes dropping to the checkered floor of the hospital as if it help some great secret.

“Rebecca…”

She glanced up and unwound her legs, reaching forward to ruffle his hair. “I’m glad you’re OK.”

When she made to leave, Loki wrapped his fingers around her wrist and held her still. “It wasn’t because of you or because I didn’t trust you.”

The woman looked like she debated not arguing but thought better of it at the last moment, letting the frustration pour out of her every pore. “That doesn’t change the fact that I was the one who watched you almost die without knowing the reason.”

“I didn’t want it to change how you saw me,” he explained for reasons he could not comprehend.

Becca scoffed, leaning down to get eye level with him. He could feel her breath on his face and at any other point in time, he would have celebrated being in this position. Something in the back of his head told him he shouldn’t cheer this time around.  “Literally no one gave a shit what you looked like as we dragged your giant-ass, blue body onto the jet. We only prayed you wouldn’t die before we hit ally airspace, you fucking moron,” she explained slowly, voice trembling and eyes watering. “We work with a bioengineered, sentient gem–you’re not that fucking special.”

Loki swallowed thickly, suddenly terrified of the burning rage reflected in her warm eyes. It was bright, beaming, smoldering fear that fueled it. Fear that she would lose him before they managed to land somewhere that might have been safe to intervene on him. Fear that she would lose a colleague, a friend. Fear that she would never make him pay for keeping her in the dark for so long. Loki felt every last bit of that fear, magnified tenfold to become his own.

He leaned his forehead onto her clasped hand. “I didn’t want you to know who I really was and chance scaring you off.”

“Are you dumb or what?” She snapped, gritting her teeth in an effort to contain her tears. “Why would I judge you over something you have no control over? After all we’ve done? All we’ve lived? I thought I showed you who I was a little better than that.”

“It wasn’t about you–”

“Evidently it was or you wouldn’t care if I saw!” She snapped before sighing, brushing his tangled hair back with her free hand. “You worried me a hell of a lot.” There was so much held back in her voice, he could tell, but he was not about to try his luck and pressure her into revealing her secrets. 

“I’m sorry, Rebecca.” Loki had never apologized for a damn thing in his life, but he couldn’t help but let the words slip now, as she watched him with worry in her eyes and hurt in her soul.

“Scoot over, Evil Smurf,” she teased softly, and the words landed as painfully as if she had called him my love. He wanted this. He wanted this playful pain, but he couldn’t reason to himself why. 

Swallowing a groan, he shifted over in the hospital cot. Becca clambered in easily and draped her arm around his shoulders, feeling him tense momentarily. After a second, the warmth of her digits seeped into his skin, and he melted into her side. When he let out a small sad whine, she pressed a kiss to his temple and allowed him to hide his face into the crook of her neck. Whether their silent agreement to shelve their discussion was due to shock of their mutual vulnerability or pure exhaustion, it was unsure. They merely accepted the conditions and sat tangled up, with only the sound of their breathing.

That’s how Bruce found them, asleep, an hour later when he went in to change Loki’s IV bag.

[henrik-von-schneeplestein]

❝ i’ll make sure nothing bad happens to you. ❞ -schneeplebro, you got me loving this one

Okay, first of all, thank you so much. Second of all, I’m so sorry that this took so long. It reminded me of a story that’s been in the back of my head for a little while now so I just decided to go ahead and do that even though I didn’t 100% know where it was going.

Warning for medical situations and surgery, but nothing graphic. No one’s more squeamish then me so I very intentionally skipped over/bullshitted around that stuff, even if it made the pacing kinda weird lol.

“There’s a patient looking for you.”

“If they just have a question send Laura. I’m on call for emergencies today,” he answered the intern without looking up from his paperwork.

“No, this guy said he was a friend of yours. Name was Chase -”

“Where is he?” Henrik almost knocked the kid over, he was up and across the room so fast. 

“He was in the ER last I-”

Henrik didn’t wait for him, just went right for the stairs. The ER was, as always, chaotic and noisy, but he managed to pull a doctor aside and ask about Chase.

“No Chase Brodys admitted - I have an Alexis Brody.”

“Yeah, that’s his daughter. Where are they?” As the doctor led him back into one of the rooms, Henrik didn’t know what to expect. Anything bad happening to the kids was unimaginable; but at the same time, Chase did have a very real history of hypochondria when it came to them. Henrik couldn’t even begin to count the number of times throughout their friendship he’d answered frantic late night phone calls about fevers or double-checked scraped knees for signs of infection.

He knocked before opening the door. “Chase?”

Chase was sitting next to Lexi, rubbing his face with one hand and looking close to tears. His younger son was sitting in his lap, but when Henrik came in, he stood up, setting Noah back down in the seat, and said, in one breath, “She wasn’t feeling well and she wouldn’t eat and then she said it really hurt in her side and so I brought her here and um, they felt her stomach and then they did an ultrasound and they said it was appendicitis so they want to get her into surgery and I couldn’t even get in touch with Stacy until like twenty minutes ago and she drove out to visit her parents this weekend so she probably won’t be here for hours but they want to take Lexi to Sedation right away.”

He put a hand on Chase’s arm. “Alright. Is all alright, Chase. Hi, by the way.”

“Henrik.”

“Okay, okay.” He walked crouched down beside Lexi. She was awake, but not at all her usual energetic self. “Hi, Lex Luthor.”

“Hi Schneeple.”

“How are we feeling, hm? I bet the other doctors already poked your belly a whole bunch?”

“Yeah - it hurt.”

“Have they given her anything for pain yet?” he asked Chase, looking up at her IV pole.

“Yeah. Just, uh, ten minutes ago, maybe? Like right before you got here.”

“Ok. I’ll be gentle, I promise.” He pressed along her abdomen briefly; after a few whimpers he didn’t see much reason to keep tormenting her. They’d already done the ultrasound. “We should definitely get her into surgery as soon as possible. You might want to call Jackie, see if he can come by to pick Noah up and watch him for a while. I don’t know how long you’ll be here.” Chase just looked at him, eyes wide, like he was waiting for Henrik tell him what to do to make this go away, or what he did to make it happen in the first place. The best he could give was, “It is a very safe procedure. We do it all the time. And I’ll make sure she gets Dr. Fletcher; she’s one of the best surgeons-”

“Wait, you’re not gonna do it?”

“I did not think that would be what you wanted. I am supposed to be doing emergency surgeries today, but if I explain to my boss what the situation is, I’m sure we could get someone else.” Technically, there was nothing against the rules about him doing the surgery; she wasn’t a family member. But he and Chase were close - best friends… even if they weren’t as close as Henrik wanted them to be. And unlikely as it was, if anything went wrong, Chase would never forgive him. Henrik wasn’t, by nature, a dramatic person, but this was Chase’s child. Even if he didn’t hate Henrik forever - and that was a big if - there was no way they could ever be friends again. 

“I don’t know the other doctors.”

“I promise, they are all excellent and more than qualified for such a simple -”

“I don’t care.” He stepped closer to Henrik, grabbing his wrist and looking straight into his eyes. “I only trust you. Please.”

He took a second to answer but he didn’t know why. Maybe just to drink in the sight of Chase looking right at him, in case it was the last time it ever happened. Because he knew, as soon as Chase asked, that he was going to do it. He couldn’t say no to him, and he wasn’t going to leave Chase with someone he wasn’t comfortable with just so he could duck out of the pressure. He was many things, but he wasn’t a coward. If for some reason this was the one in a million case and something terrible happened he was going to lose Chase, but he’d rather be able to look him in the eye and tell him that he had done everything he could than have to live with the guilt of being too scared and stepping aside when he might have been able to do something. He slid his hand into Chase’s, squeezed it, and then walked back to Lexi.

“Did the other doctors explain what we’re gonna do?”

“Surgery?”

He chuckled. He knew she knew what surgery was in a general sense; they’d done pretend operations on her stuffed animals once or twice, and she was normally excited whenever she got to visit him at the hospital. It was a testament to how bad she felt that she hadn’t demanded to use his stethoscope yet. “Yes, surgery. There’s this nasty little bugger inside you called your appendix that’s making your belly hurt, so I’m going to take it out, okay?”

“Is it gonna hurt?”

“We will give you medicine to make you go right to sleep and you won’t feel a thing. It may be a little bit sore when you wake up, but not as bad as it is now. We can give you some more of this pain medicine, and I think just maybe your parents might be convinced to give you some ice cream when you start feeling hungry again. Do we have a deal?”

“Ok. But only because you’re the best doctor and I know you’ll do a good job.”

He smiled and held out a hand for her to shake. Her hand was so tiny; even with all her bravery and sincerity, she was still just a little kid, and he loved her like he loved his own kids. Chase wasn’t the only one he was scared of losing, but that thought was unbearable, so he promised both of them, “I’ll make sure nothing bad happens to you.”

He turned back to Chase. “I will tell them we are ready to go to get moving. They should be here in a few minutes; you might want to try Jackie while you wait. You can tell him - and Stacy, when she gets closer - to go in the main entrance of the hospital. I’m going to have a buddy of mine go and explain what is happening to the person at the information desk, so they’ll know where to send them. In Sedation they will get her ready for surgery - give her some antibiotics, maybe something to calm her down, if you think that would be best. You will probably have some papers to sign. I will meet with my team, we will figure out some details. Usually they’d have me go out and see her beforehand, but I will let them know I’ve already examined her, so I’m not sure if I’ll see you or not. Once she’s in the OR, someone will take you to the waiting room until we’re done. Alright?”

“Okay.” 

Henrik waited a second for him to say more - ‘good luck,’ maybe, or ‘goodbye.’ But he seemed to be scared beyond words, so Henrik gave him what he hoped was an encouraging nod and left to check in with the ER team. 

After that, as promised, he tracked down one of his coworkers and hurriedly asked them to go to the front desk and tell whoever was there that when a Jackie or Stacy came in to send them to the waiting room outside the OR, and even as he was finishing up, he was being paged.

It was like life was happening at double speed, meeting with the rest of his staff about the case, telling them he’d already been called to the ER to examine the patient, scrubbing in. And then it stalled to slow motion as they wheeled her in. Chase was with her - they let parents do that sometimes with pediatric patients, just until they fell asleep. 

It was strange and wrong, to see him here. Chase’s eyes scanned the room and all the surgical staff. He blinked when his eyes met Henrik’s, like he hadn’t recognized him in the full getup of his surgical gown, gloves, and mask until that moment.

“Ready?” the anesthesiologist asked Lexi. 

“Yeah.”

Chase squeezed her hand. “You have good dreams, ok, and I’ll be there when you wake up. I love you.” 

They held the mask over her face and told her to take deep breaths. Henrik watched Chase; he couldn’t touch him - it wasn’t sterile - and there wasn’t much he could say to him either. It may not be technically illegal to operate on someone you happened to know, but given how close they actually were, this was an ethical nightmare, and if any of the other doctors in the room caught wind of it, they wouldn’t hesitate to tell Schneep to get the hell out and send in a more impartial surgeon. He just tried to be gentle when he said, “we’ll take it from here.”

Then Chase left, and in spite of everything, Henrik felt calm. One of the reasons he loved his job was that it was straightforward in its complexity. It wasn’t easy, but it was simple in that there was procedure to it, it was step by step, do this then this, be careful of that, and if something goes wrong, you have a limited number of choices, each with clear, factual benefits and risks. It wasn’t like life, where everything was all tangled up and you could fall in love with your best friend and you had to decide to tell him, or not tell him, or tell him in four months or two years, and there was no way to know what would happen when you did. Henrik was never good at ‘meditating’ or ‘deep breathing;’ his mind was only ever clear when he was standing over a patient, when he had no choice because someone’s life depended on his ability to shut up all the noise that forever rang in the back of his mind and focus on doing each thing perfectly, one step at a time.

And almost in a blur, it was over. Even as they were stitching and bandaging, he almost couldn’t believe it. He’d been holding his breath for the disaster and it never came.

Apparently Chase felt the same; after taking extra care to wash all the blood off his hands, he wanted to be the one to tell Chase they were done. As soon as he walked into the waiting room, Chase sprang out of his seat like he had in the ER earlier. “What happened?” 

“Nothing happened. Everything went perfectly and they’re taking her to Recovery now.”

Chase stared at him for a second then ran across the room, more or less jumping to wrap his arms around Henrik’s neck. Henrik wrapped his around Chase’s waist and held him for a moment, until he realized that Chase was crying - finally, after holding it together as long as he needed to. Schneep patted his back. “Hey, let’s go see her, ok?”

He sniffled but nodded. “Yeah.” He picked up a plastic bag that was sitting beside his chair. “Jackie brought me some stuff from the gift shop on his way to pick up Noah,” he explained. “He took him back to my apartment so he could give him dinner and get him into his pajamas and all that. I didn’t know if we’d be here overnight.”

He held the door open for Chase and lead him down the hallway. “We’ll probably hold her just for observation, yes.” They turned into the room and Henrik pulled back the curtain. “She might not wake up for a few minutes. I convinced them to go on the heavier side of the safe range of dosage for the anesthesia and pain medicine. She will be groggy at first, but she shouldn’t be in much pain. And if they gave her medicine for anxiety beforehand, she probably won’t remember what happened after that; that is normal side effect.”

They sat down in the uncomfortable hospital chairs, Chase never taking his eyes off of Lexi. “They decided they didn’t need to, ‘cause she was ok. She’s so brave, I don’t know where she gets that.”

“From you.”

“Please. I’m a mess. I don’t know what I would’ve done if you didn’t work here, dude. I can’t handle this kind of shit by myself.”

“It seemed pretty handled when I got there. She was already where she needed to be.”

Chase shrugged, ducking his face. He reached into the plastic bag and pulled out a bottle of water - which, Henrik was glad to see, it looked like he’d already been drinking -  and took a sip. “Do you want something?” He pulled the bag all the way open in his lap. Henrik could see three more bottles of water, two of those refrigerated bottles of iced coffee, a little get well soon teddy bear, a phone charger, a few granola bars, and some chocolate. Leave it to Jackie.

“I mean, I didn’t want to say anything, but usually when you come visit me at work you bring me some lunch or something.”

Chase laughed, and the sound almost made the whole exhausting day worth it. “I apologize for my rudeness.” He held one of the coffees out to him. “I know you don’t usually like iced, but hey, it’s caffeine.”

“No thank you. I’m sure one of them is for Stacy. Have you heard from her, by the way?”

“Oh, yeah. She should be here any minute.” He bit his lip. “She’s gonna be mad.”

“Why on Earth would she be mad? What could you have done?”

“I don’t think she’ll really be mad at me, but she’ll be frustrated. And scared. As shitty as this day is, I don’t even want to think about one of the kids being in the hospital and me not being able to get to them. I just think we’re both too emotional right now, and things between us are still… a little tough. I don’t know how this is gonna go down.” 

He never knew how Chase did that, could see the humanity in the worst of situations, and he never knew what to say when he did it either. He just looked at him until Chase said, “Lexi’s ok. That’s all that matters.”

It was all that mattered. After all the unexpected stress of the day, Henrik started to relax a little, just sitting with Chase. He spent a few minutes going over some of the basics of what they’d do for pain medicine, how to take care of the wound. At some point, Alexis stirred.

“Hey, sweetie. How do you feel?”

“When’s the surgery?” she asked, her eyes still closed.

“The surgery’s over. You did it.”

“I did it?”

“You did! You did a great job. Do you want some water?”

“Mmm-mm. Not thirsty, just sleepy.”

“Don’t you at least want to see what Uncle Jackie got you?”

But she’d already fallen back to sleep.

“Should I wake her up again?”

“You don’t need to unless you want to try. She’s getting fluids; she won’t dehydrate.”

Chase settled back into his chair. 

“At some point, we’ll get her moved to a proper room for the night. But I make no promises about when. Trust me, now that this is no longer an emergency, you’ll see how slow a hospital can be.”

“If that’s the worst I have to deal with, I think I’ll live.”

“That’s -”

And then the door opened, and there was Stacy, looking completely frantic. “Where-”

Chase got up to get her attention. “It’s alright, Stace. She’s right here, she’s ok. Everything’s good now. She woke up a little for a minute, she was out of it but-”

He was cut off by Stacy pulling him into a hug. “Thank God you were there, Chase. She told me her stomach felt weird before I dropped her off to you last night and I thought she was just being dramatic because she - she wanted to take every stuffed animal she owned, I swear, and I told her there was no room and she had to pick just a few and I don’t know why I didn’t listen to her or why I didn’t let her take the damn toys I just -”

Whatever Chase had been expecting, it clearly wasn’t this, but he managed to get her to sit down, offer her some water. “That was probably nothing. It started getting bad this afternoon - believe me, you would’ve noticed. You would’ve done the same thing.”

Henrik was suddenly very uncomfortable; he backed off to a corner of the room, not sure what he was meant to do or say, just watching them talk between themselves. After a few minutes, Chase came over to where he was standing.

“Hey - you heading out soon?”

His shift had long since ended, but it felt so strange to just walk away from the situation. “I can stay. I don’t have the boys tonight.”

“No, you should go. You must be tired. Go home and get some rest; we’ll be good here.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I texted Jackie, he said he can handle Noah for the night. Stacy and I are gonna stay with Lex.”

“Okay. You know where everything is - the cafeteria, the vending machines, all that?” Chase nodded. “And my office, too? I will leave the door unlocked for the night, in case you need anything or you decide you need to be… in separate rooms for a while.”

“It actually seems kinda fine. I don’t think it’ll be a problem.”

“Well, just in case. And there should be a sweater in there if you get cold, some snacks maybe. Just look in the desk drawers.”

“Got it. Now go get some sleep, for real.”

He said it kindly, but it still felt like he was being sent away. He knew it was childish and stupid, but after everything, it was hard to let go. To accept that no matter how much they went through, Chase and Lexi weren’t his family. To leave them behind.

By this time, the hallways were a little quieter. He’d just pressed the button for the elevator when he heard Chase’s voice yell, “hey wait!”

He turned, and Chase was jogging toward him. “I forgot to tell you something!”

“What is it?”

Once again, Chase wrapped his arms around him, pressing his head against Henrik’s chest for a brief second before getting on his tiptoes to whisper in his ear.

“Thank you.”

And maybe it didn’t change anything, but the elevator opened behind them and then closed again, and they were still holding on to each other.

[punkscowardschampions]

Ava & Grace

Ava: Please tell me you're free this weekend and if not please tell me you can make yourself available Grace: I obvs can be, why though?? Ava: Because Buster and Rio have imposed themselves on me Ava: or been imposed by my mum, anyway Ava: I was planning a party and they'll be way more chill if you come 'cos it's evidently not a rager Ava: but then we can still have a party and I don't have to kms/them 🙄 Grace: excuse you I can hang! but duh I will come cos you so wanna see your 💍👰 man, I see you babes Ava: You know what I mean though Ava: there's an assumption if fam is invited there's not also dealers and roadmen on the guestlist Ava: My brother is in an annoying mood and I cannot with that Ava: He won't be there, obviously 💍👰 Grace: 🙄 yeah Grace: UM tbh when is Buster not Grace: but I'll do the babysitting so you don't have to 👌👌 get you time to be 😍💖😘 Ava: Obvs it'll be good to see you too Ava: even if it clearly seems that shameless Grace: idc I'm that shameless at the prospect of hot london boys sooo Ava: 😂 Ava: I'll make sure there's plenty Grace: I'm not sorry that the accent is like !!! Ava: 😏 It's a fine line Grace: I'm walking a fine line here babes Grace: we don't even need to get into it Grace: get me on a ✈ literally Ava: Fair enough Ava: We can get into it when we've got into enough bottles Ava: They're coming over Friday at some point, ask 'em for the deets Grace: mhmm can't 🤐😶 me after the 🍾🍾 pops Grace: ugh Grace: texting Ri rn though Ava: Your accent is pretty !!! too so it's chill Ava: 🙌🙏 You're a lifesaver Grace: oh honey, you know boys love to hook up with me cos of my mouth but it's also what sends them running like Ava: Good thing it's just a weekend Ava: no time for running Grace: it's my turn ⏲🏃 Ava: Just not too soon, eh Grace: I got you, girl 💜 Grace: but we literally do need to get into what's going on with you & 👰💍 Grace: I'm so not waiting for you to make a 🍾 toast about him before I get any goss! Ava: I'm not planning on getting that wasted Ava: I don't even know where to start Ava: it's really gone 0-100 since we last spoke Grace: 😱😱😱 OMG! 👌 did you hit him up or did he hit you up?? Ava: Well Ava: Speaking of shameless Ava: I did legitimately lose a bracelet that night but I didn't really need to ask him if he'd seen it/could check for me Grace: your [expensive brand 1 that idk] or the [expensive bracelet 2]? Ava: My [expensive brand 3 plot twist] Ava: I got it for my birthday, actually Ava: Anyway, he rang everywhere up but obviously it was long gone, who isn't taking that if they can but I didn't even care 'cos it got us talking again and it was Ava: he wanted to see me the next day, so we arranged to meet at lunch Ava: but before I went to school, I got a delivery and he'd replaced the bracelet Ava: I was like...what Grace: OMG AVA! Grace: that's so cute Grace: he's so Grace: LITERALLY OMG Ava: He really is Ava: and he says the most amazing things and it doesn't just feel like talk but Ava: obviously, it's always going to be complicated, there's no way it can't be, he's said that too and I know it Grace: I'm totally shook Grace: like I thought this would be a one off, obvs no shade Grace: I'm definitely babysitting for you now! Ava: Me too Ava: it's ridiculous but somehow not Ava: not when we're talking like we've always known each other or when he's here Grace: how are you even living a 💖📽🎞 rn like ???!! Ava: I know like fully someone is gonna yell cut or jump out on me and tell me it's just a prank Grace: you literally have to get him over at yours before your parents come back Ava: Hopefully Ava: He can definitely do Monday, so I need Buster and Rio fully distracted then Ava: Friday is up in the air so I'll just let you know when it's safe for you to all head over, yeah? Grace: 💜🤞 Grace: I'll have the freakout that's SO overdue about my own love life Grace: once I start 😭😭😭💔 I can go for hours duh Ava: 🏆 to Miss Grace Cavante Grace: like it's not a lie 💜🙏 there IS a boy & I AM freaking out, I just don't need their advice about any of it 🙄🙄 Ava: Hint taken, no advice but I'm all ears 😶👂 Grace: it's fine you're not really old & 💖😍 smug & just GROSS Ava: Cheers, babe 😏 Ava: Lay it on me then Grace: ugh I can't even Grace: he's just not Grace: he's not any kind of boy I know how to deal with Ava: What's he like then? Grace: like he wants to talk to me?? but actually not just 😏😘!? Ava: Like you're a human? Ava: Where'd you meet him? Grace: at the gym so I was LITERALLY blindsided cos every lad in there is so 💪🤳🏻 Ava: + 1 for not being that kinda douche Grace: but if he was I wouldn't have to leave every 🗨 like ✔ Ava: You don't know what to say Grace: duh what can I even Ava: Well, if you have nothing in common, not a lot Ava: but you gotta do some talking before you can find out if it's worth doing any more, like Grace: ive gotta run away so thanks for the party invite, babes Grace: v well timed tbh Ava: You can do that too Grace: yeah Ava: Why not give it a shot though Ava: you clearly wanna, even with the freaking out Grace: UM hello?? do you not remember the cringefest that was my life not that long ago?! Ava: We've all made questionable choices Grace: & now I'm doing this thing™ where I like don't make a total fool of myself 24 7 Ava: Can't relate, clearly 😂 Grace: well you're in a rom com sooo Ava: Yeah and we could be about to see me 💔💀 eating my weight in ice cream Grace: that would barely be a 🍦🍨 binge 👌👌👌 Grace: & boys don't just buy bracelets cos they're lost Grace: this bitch can't get a boy to do the clasp on her necklace Ava: They do regret in almost instantly though Ava: maybe he thought I was guilting him or some shit Grace: if he thought that he wouldn't still be 😍😍😍 Grace: which he obvs is Ava: It's a headfuck but hey Ava: what ain't Grace: mhmmm Grace: you're about it though Ava: He's a really good guy Ava: I'm aware how naive that sounds given but still Grace: he can be a good guy & bad for his 👰💍 Grace: or she's bad for him Grace: some couples don't work, can't even Ava: She's Ava: a whole other story Grace: how well do you know her? Ava: Her reputation preceeds her in a lot of ways Ava: and I know some of it as fact, basically so Grace: Ew Grace: she sounds so #goals honestly 🙄 Ava: You have no idea Ava: but there's nothing I can do about it Grace: it's the worst Ava: yeah Grace: anything else I can do I totally will Ava: Thanks, babe 💙 Ava: all you need to do is distract, and we'll have a good time to celebrate Grace: 💜 Grace: seriously looking forward to it Ava: Me too Ava: I'll invite every hot boy I know Grace: ILY you know Ava: Duh 😏 Ava: ily too but save it for the 🥂 Grace: 🙏 that's all I say Grace: I don't 💕 gym boy Ava: Just chatting about your 😍 Ava: stop me mentioning mine, please 🙄 Grace: shh no Grace: I wanna hear everything about yours Grace: & your lunch date, thanks Ava: Okay, that was pretty cute Ava: so he picked me up from school in an uber so we got to make the most of the limited time we had Ava: then we went to get coffee and tried like everything on the menu Ava: and we watched a kinda dumb kinda everything film and you know Grace: it's SO rude that he's already married & you can't 💍 him cos that's such a MOOD Grace: like okay never tell Jimmy about the whole menu cos he'll khs but whatever Ava: I know, had to tip the baristas and the uber driver so handsomely Ava: but it was worth it Grace: I can relate, mine have definitely 👀 some shit 😂😂 Grace: less worth it though & obvs not as recently 🙏😇 Ava: I'm sure they found it entertaining Ava: miss it, if anything Grace: 🤷💅 Grace: but for real, I don't Grace: not my reputation & everything Grace: though if your bf's wife can get a 💍 there's obvs hope still Ava: Good Ava: for real Ava: you don't need any of that bullshit Ava: oh girl please 🙄 Ava: you ain't about to force a marriage Ava: or even more shaming, have your parents come together to force a marriage Grace: declaring myself a no fuckboy zone has been good Grace: even if that does mean staying single cos duh Ava: There's far worse things in life to be 🤷 Grace: yeah like I thought it would be the WORST but Ava: Can't be worse than fuckboys Grace: true Ava: even the ones that ain't Ava: or seem like more Ava: total headfuck Grace: preach! literally living my BEST life until gym boy got on my radar and got me like !!?? Grace: 🙄🙄 Ava: yeah Ava: tell me about it Grace: gonna have to put my phone under 🔐 somewhere when we're 🥂💃 Ava: Confiscated at the door, naturally Grace: yours too so you don't call up a divorce lawyer for your boyfriend 😂 Ava: not even funny Ava: 😏 Grace: sorry babes Ava: it would be funny if it weren't true Ava: not for my sake though Grace: I know Grace: I can't even imagine how tragic he's living Grace: ugh Ava: It's genuinely fucked Ava: and like, not in a 'he's told me to get in my pants' vibe Ava: you can tell, even without the full story Grace: & like there's little kids involved it's so 💔 Ava: I don't even know how to feel about them Ava: or if I should think about them Grace: I don't know if you'll be able to not Grace: think about them Grace: & not just cos like he has to Grace: cos you're you Ava: They'll never know Ava: so I don't have to feel bad Grace: 💜🤞 Ava: It sounds like their mum's whole vibe Ava: and their relationship Ava: is like, Ava: enough trouble Ava: I'm not gonna bring anything else to the table for any of them Grace: well yeah she sounds like an evil 👑!!! Ava: She is Ava: was Ava: Ugh, idk Grace: you're not gonna tell me who they are like EVER, are you?! Ava: I can't Grace: it's okay Grace: like it's soo not but I'm not gonna be that bitch about it Grace: or any of your secrets Ava: You can fill in the blanks Ava: it's not as if anyone is gonna know so put whatever hot face suits Grace: I'm here, just like tell me what you wanna tell me, yeah? Grace: no drama Ava: 😘 Ava: I know its so frustrating though, I'd feel it too no doubt Grace: it's this fam & our track record with secrets getting me worried Ava: I know Ava: it's Ava: nothing to worry about Ava: I've got it Grace: just keep hitting me up whenever you need to 👌👌 cos that's something else none of us obvs ever do Grace: & everything's such a mess literally always Ava: I know Ava: I bet Edie would have some advice Ava: super dubious Grace: 🙄🙄 Grace: she'd have taken the bracelet & ✌ out Ava: Honestly Ava: is that not the right thing to do tbh Grace: duh depends how hot he is Ava: I doubt he'd be much her type Grace: I'd totally have to hook up with him though Grace: sorry not sorry Ava: 🙄 Grace: 😂 Ava: Ugh, I need to start drinking now Grace: what's he doing? invite him out Ava: He's with his family Grace: then he'll definitely wanna come Ava: Stop Grace: okay sorry 🤐😶 Ava: It's fine Ava: I am gonna go though, gotta get ready Grace: I should totally pick & pack a party outfit or I'll never be able to decide on a make up look Ava: Get busy, babe Grace: mhmmm Grace: you too hun Ava: 💙

[maggotmouth]

        hi i’m nora ( 23. gmt. she/her ) and it turns out i really miss playing bridget ! i wasn’t feeling frida bt i wanted to explore som of her backstory more so ive kind of fused bits of her into bridget..... sue me.... for those of u who didn’t know her before i dropped her, bridget grew up in a trailer park in texas, she’s an angsty socialist leftie who gets fucked at the pub and goes off on one about capitalism.  film nerd. got in on a partially subsidised scholarship and works in a bar and a fast food place to pay for her accomodation. here’s a pinboard !! everythin else is below this cut, like this post n i’ll (probably forget to) smash that im button for plots x

application template.

( cis-female ) haven’t seen BRIDGET MATUSIAK around in a while. the MARGARET QUALLEY lookalike has been known to be GARRULOUS & CANDID, but SHE can also be FICKLE & ERRATIC. The 21 year old is a JUNIOR majoring in FILM. I believe they’re living in AUDAX but I popped by earlier and no one answered the door.

aesthetics.

thumb holes poked through the cuffs of your sleeves, roller blades, grazed knees, not eating your greens, smiling with a mouthful of blood, sleeping in a cherry lip balm and scrunchies to keep the wild locks from your eyes. piercing your own ears with a safety pin when your dad wouldn’t take you.

connection to tatiana & did they choose her name during the watershed?

knew each other from the cheer team in bridgets freshman year and tatiana’s sophomore year. had a competitive friendship to start with but then they got into a discussion about politics at a party one night, and maybe hooked up a few times after tatiana had jst broken up w someone. they were sort of seeing each other very casually for a bit, but…. they came from vastly different circles n it didn’t really work. they were in a bad partch at the time of the reaping so to speak, and bridget picked her name For A Giggle but now regrets it big time obviously

tw drugs, teen pregnancy

BACKSTORY TIME.. her mother was from the wrong side of the tracks, was chucked out of home pretty young after a teenage pregnancy, wanted 2 go to art school and started working as an erotic dancer to pay for college but then jst…. ended up staying there. one of those girls u see in the documentaries who had Big Plans but ultimately never got to pursue them n jst got…. sucked in by the money 

her mom n dad met in high school at a parents evening. alice was fourteen, toby was thirty-one. bridget’s mom alice was a roman catholic – uneducated in matters of safe sex, mother mary around her neck, bras hanging over wooden crucifixes – and willing to give it to the first boy who seemed interested enough, gift-wrapped or not. toby was the father to a girl down the road who alice knew nothing of besides her name and the few encounters in the corridors facing a stoney stare that screamed homewrecker. it only happened once, but once was enough. alice was out of the house as soon as her parents knew a child was growing in her womb.

bridget n her mum alice were more like sisters growing up, probably because of the closeness in age. alice should’ve known that you couldn’t have a thirteen-year-old-daughter at 27 without everyone knowing you’d been one of those girls who gave it away fast as a hot potato, and maybe bridget should have known that she’d inherit more than her mother’s wide eyes, that things have a way of circling back to us --- that at fourteen she too would lose it on the floor of a swimming pool changing room, soggy back, polka-dot nylon of a swimsuit pulled down to her ankles.

she grew up in a trailer park just outside of orlando resort, but she was raised in dressing rooms surrounded by sparkly costumes and nipple pasties and leotards and the like. as a kid she’d try to trot about in her moms heels n yearned for the day she’d be able to be on stage. 

if you’ve seen the florida project its a bit like tht.... just kids left to do their own shit.... mother’s a bit all over the place... made money by stealing wristbands off orlando theme park visitors, and bridget was p much raised by the community, to be honest. most of her youth was spent scurrying about half naked in cowboy boots and glasses too big for her face. a smol feral child

gilly (referred to as junior) was born four years after bridget, the son of a carpenter and sculpture artist named gilbert “gilly” senior, her moms latest squeeze. whenever she wasn’t at school bridget would be in gilly’s workshop doin her homework surrounded by parts of furniture or hanging out with the kids who were visiting disneyland but couldn’t afford the hotels on the resort

like her mother, bridget fell pregnant barely out of her gingham print dresses, hair in two plaits down her back, teddies still lining her bed. unlike her mum, she was not box-shipped out to a home for fallen women but rather booked into a clinic, given a pill, just like taking your vitamins.

her mother flaked out when bridget was around fifteen and junior was eleven. they were in the system for a while, before gilly was finally granted custody as legal guardian. the three of them moved to marfa, texas so that gilly could run classes in sculpture and woodworking at the art institute. they’re not sure where their mother went. some say she rededicated herself as a virgin and joined the convent in penance for her sins. some say she works in a las vegas strip club and sells pills to minors. bridget likes to believe that she’s an actress, her name in newspapers and her face in a star-spangled dressing mirror.

bridget used to do sponsored silences and hunger strikes for kids in developing countries. was that kid in school who was always raising money something. i mean its kinda cute but also she just wanted the acclaim and attention so…. and most of the time it didn’t even make it to the disadvantaged kids she was raising it for cos her mom needed rent money or to buy the kids new shoes n they could barely afford much themselves

she’s a strident feminist, an activist for human rights and animal rights, a vocal vegetarian and an all-round soapbox sadie. catch her in the quad shouting about human rights through a megaphone. will most definitely have quizzed your character on institutionalised racism whilst inhaling nos at a party and snacking on a big bowl of cheesy wotsits

aesthetic: big military or leather jackets over tiny little sundresses. always in docs or creepers and a beret with an anarchist symbol painted on it. wears a long green trench coat covered in badges for alt punk rock bands or a red denim jacket that she hacked into a crop jacket with a pair of kitchen scissors. cuffed jeans, thrifted or stolen. white converse, more grey tbh through years of wear. crop tops and plaid shirts tied round her waist. smudged mascara. glitter smeared over cheekbones from the previous night. cigarette smoke shrouding you like a veil, the red string of a thong peaking out purposely from jeans, piercing your own ears with a safety pin when your dad wouldn’t take you, kate moss posters lining the walls of a teenage bedroom, thumb holes poked through the cuffs of your sleeves, feet pounding the earth until your soles bleed crimson.

an aspiring screenwriter. she has a very image-based view of memory and experience. always doing a screenplay or shooting film. her style has a lot of catholic iconography (think virgin suicides style or baz luhrmann’s romeo + juliet if it was done on a super 8 camera) bcos catholicism is one of the few things she remembers about her mother. she’s never actually tried to find her mum / find out about her, jst…. occasionally channels that energy into her work.

struggles with self-image and the need to be Loved By All a lot. uses sex as an affirmation of her worth and also kinda manic-depressive (though not officially diagnosed) bcos her upbringing was a bit unstable, she was a looked after child for a while when the adoption papers were still going through… struggles a lot with feeling unwanted, especially since her grandparents refuse to acknowledge her existence cos she was born outside of marriage….. so she craves feeling wanted,, like despite being a real women’s rights activist and hating objectification, at the same time to bridge there’s nothing better than someone sizing you up with hunger in their eyes

she’s queer, but i guess she favours women, and is incredibly vocal in her support of the lgbt+ movement. often at rallies. has done a face-sitting protest. really is that bitch

there’s a degree of anger for anger’s sake in bridget. she likes passionate, angry music – particularly garage rock, punk and riot grrrl. she loves the slits and skinny girl diet. viv albertine inspired her to take up bass guitar.

back at lockwood she was working two jobs to pay for uni !! at the bowling alley polishing the shoes and fixing the bowling lanes, and also as a burger flipper at mcdonalds. in amsterdam she’s managed to secure a part-time bar job at one of the hendrix university bars

massive film buff. is majoring in film at uni also spends a lot of time at the movie theatre n probably has like a season ticket. is one of those pretentious film nerds who’re like “what do u think of goddard’s work?” but also just really into shitty horror movies

she spends her evenings in downtown bars willing away her boredom, trying to find something that’ll jerk her out of apathetic lethargy. she toys with the idea of becoming a stripper — it certainly pays better than flipping burgers — but she lacks the energy to dance for several hours a night.

she loves b movies and slasher flicks. at parties, she’ll occasionally try to make a horror of her own, on a super 8 camera in someone’s basement, very paranormal activity, but she’ll inevitably get bored, or too drunk and give up, like she does with most things in her life. she lacks drive and motivation. she’s bright but there’s no hunger in her.

she’s fickle and enigmatic. one moment she could be your best friend, the next, she’ll behave like a total stranger. bridget’s unpredictable because she’s still unsure of her own identity, frequently flitting between different characters, like snake skins, before she grows bored of being bubbly and eager and becomes spiteful again. her core personality traits are probably forthright, impulsive, restless, thrill-seeking, selfish, gregarious, easily bored, childish.

SOME ?MILDLY AMUSING? FACTS

writes shitty poems on the back of napkins and quotes dead philosophers she’s never read. romanticises herself a lot. like will be standing there in a ripped t-shirt and her undies smoking a cig like “hmmm… i bet someone is falling in love with me right now”

is vegetarian for environmental reasons but snorts coke at parties like that isn’t shit for the environment ?? sis, it don’t add up

loves dirt. ate a worm once because someone dared her too. shamelessly disgusting.

she’s slightly obsessed with true crime, up late watching documentaries on the manson family murders.

favourite drink is cherry coke

a lot of her time is spent in the record store, plugged into a set of headphones, head-banging in the corner to a scratched record. music, for birdie, is a form of escapism. that and dropping acid in parking lots lmao.

sells nudes on twitter. whenever she gets low on cash she contacts one of the seedy old men who used to visit her mom’s club to venmo her $500 in return for pictures

that girl who’s always harping on about body positivity on instagram while wearing cute underwear and looking absolutely bomb

really good at rodeo bull riding. the club in marfa had one so as a youth she got really good at it bcos she was constantly tryin to outdo her friends on who could stay on for the longest. a video of her staying on one for like 4 minutes after downing several jager bombs went viral once.

micro-doses acid for mild depression bcos she didn’t believe in “that CBT bullshit”, thought that therapists, like her, were jst con artists so always a bit spaced out

volunteers at one of the local galleries but mostly just rants to old white dutch men about how cis white men have dominated art for years :/ is one of those SJW-types , like.... have a day off, jameela jamil......

has a pet rat called popeye

takes photographs of dead animals to use in her art and often posts them side-by-side with stills of women in porn to show the shelf-life of female sex workers in a patriarchal-dominated industry or some bullshit idk

big into spoken word poetry, even if its shit. likes savage depictions of femininity

wrote a thesis on art as an act of masturbation that got published

this bitch HATES capitalism and LOVES karl marx

time isn’t real. nothing exists. the self is a social construct. finger guns.

an awful person, really

plots i want that i mostly stole from the tags

muse a tries to stand up for muse b in a bar but unfortunately cannot fight for shit.

muse a (prob bridget cos works in a bar) works somewhere that’s open late and muse b comes in to take shelter from the storm.

‘I got in my car and you were sleeping in the backseat who the hell are you and how did you get into my car’ 

 umm a wlw plot isnpired by san junipero ! esp this post. could have been a former fling that ended sourly !! cos i dont like ship forcing but still?? give me wlw stuff

 “i just decked you in the face because i’m drunk and you were pissing me off but ow my hand really fucking hurts i think i might have broke it and oh look your nose is bleeding and now we’re both sitting awkwardly in the hospital while i glare at you from across the room. but wait are you giving me sex eyes?? stop that i’m supposed to mad at you??”

“platonically sharing a bed until i wake up and you’re curled round me and my nose is buried in your hair so i’ll pretend to stay asleep to keep this for a little while longer” plots

 “highkey want a ‘someone wrote your phone number on the wall of a bathroom in my dorm with ‘call for a good time’ and i just texted you to let you know that i scribbled it out and oh wait you’re actually funny and easy to talk to and now we’re talking every day and i might have a tiny little crush on you even tho  i don’t even know your name’ plot”

 goddamn its another shippy wlw plot apparently that’s all my tag is but this post

“known for being rebels without cause, MUSE A and MUSE B are synonymous to their fast cars, nights out beneath the stars, empty bottles of alcohol, and loud music. they meet by chance one night and immediately click, and embark on a careless adventure after it despite not knowing each other. it’s them against the world: after all, what could go wrong ?”

any of these sad sour unrequited love plots

‘we take the same elevator every day and due to a misunderstanding I assumed you didn’t speak english and I’ve been talking to my friend about how hot you are for three weeks and apparently my friend has known from the start but you agreed not to tell me bc you both think its hilarious what the fuck’ au

‘I accidentally dropped you while you were crowd surfing and you broke your ankle and now I feel responsible so I’m carrying you out of the moshpit’ au

walked in on my roommate and you screwing except i know you from class and i freaked out a little

i was hustling you in pool for money but you were hustling me for free drinks so who’s the real winner here?

bridgot goes to strip clubs n peep shows like every day, cos she’s writing about the history of pornographic film n its basically research for her, so if ur characters would be into strip clubs they might see her there

i feel like she’d be on student council if they had one of those. shes that kind of bitch, turning up like elle woods with a big feather pen or a light-up heart marker, slamming down some truths before upping and leaving to go for her 11am chai latte break

som1 who attended the art institute in marfa for a summer n maybe knew her when she was a bit younger ??? idk

drama. angst. horror. also nice bike rides in amsterdam please

feel free to im me if u wanna plot, or, like this post and i’ll hit u with a message!

[feel199x]

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚apple of my eye ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ VII

I   II  III  IV  V  VI  VII VIII IX X  masterlist

gang!au, gang member!han jisung, band!au, florist!reader

a/n: this chapter is written from a different perspective again;;; also seven chapters but the series is almost coming to a close!

warnings: blood and gun mention, cussing, angst but fluff if u squint hard enough

                              ┍━━━━━━━✿━━━━━━━┑

Minho was the first person Jisung had called, Minho was always the first person Jisung would call. Jisung was bleeding pretty badly, gripping his thigh as he sat behind a counter. He couldn’t go to the hospital, not with everything he thought he had done- so he just sat there, waiting for Minho. Jisung cried because he couldn’t do anything but wait, there was nothing else he was capable of doing. He couldn’t take care of himself, so he waited for Minho. And because he was waiting for Minho, there was nothing he could do to help you- so, he had to wait. Jisung was never good at waiting, patience was not something he was fond of. If he wanted to do something, to understand something- to be good at something, he needed that to happen urgently. Because of that, he tended to drop habits quickly, before he could really tell if he was truly good or bad at something. He only really learned patience after you, watching and observing you. You didn’t complain when he was gone, never scolded him for having other responsibilities. Even after having the only things you really cared about taken away, you didn’t rush to have the construction finished or the insurance to pay you back. Jisung was crying harder now, wiping away his tears with bloody hands as the record continued to play. He didn’t want it to keep playing, but he also didn’t have the heart to stop it.

Minho had arrived as soon as he could, running red lights and avoiding as many cops as he could. Jisung’s eyes were getting heavy as Minho put him in the back of the group’s car.

“How the fuck did this happen?”

“I don’t know, it was probably N/S.”

“Oh fuck, you don’t actually think-?”

“Where’s ___?”

Jisung could barely keep track of the conversation and who was speaking, but when he heard your name, he sputtered out a weak answer.

“He took them.”

Jisung couldn’t make sense of the loud conversation after that, just trying to focus on staying awake until they reached the hide-out.

 “Jisung, this is Chan, okay? I’m going to clean the wound and take the bullet it out. It’s going to hurt.”

“Woojin, get the cloth ready. Minho, keep him quiet until we get to the hide out.”

Chan was cutting the fabric of Jisung’s pant leg to find the wound. It was only a slight graze, and the wound wasn’t very deep. Still, Jisung was bleeding with more blood than they could manage. “He’s bleeding too much, I don’t know if he’ll make it-”

“Letting him die is not a fucking option!”

“Here, okay- let’s calm down- Chan, I’ll stop the bleeding, just get the tweezers ready.”

The song from the record was still playing in Jisung’s head as he weakly hummed along. He wasn’t making sense of what happened, he didn’t want to make sense of what was happening. He just missed you. He wanted to hold your hand, feel it’s softness in his and he wanted to peck your lips- he wanted to do so much more than time allowed him. Jisung was still crying, soft tears streaming down the sides of his face and he could feel it pool in the creases of his ears.

“Fuck, there’s someone following us- Chan hurry up before they-!”

“You wanna come down here an-”

“Shit!”

Jisung wanted to sing, he wanted to rap, and he wanted to dance. How could all of these things be taken away from him? Why were the only things that mattered slipping away from his hands? He worked so hard to get here, he got restless whenever he couldn’t finish a lyric or nail a dance move. He wouldn’t stop until he perfected them, because really, that’s the only thing he did have patience for- the only thing he would practice until all his bones turned to dust.

“Felix, Seugmin, pop your head out the window and sh-.”

“Are you insane?”

“Just do it!”

“Hyunjin, step on it- lose them.”

Jisung’s eyes were getting heavier by the second, drifting in an out of consciousness. It felt like he was in a dream state, he couldn’t even feel the pain from his thigh anymore. It felt okay like everything was okay because none of it seemed real anyway.

“Jisung, please, please stay awake, okay? You have so much to live through, stay awak-”

“I can’t lose them, they’re right on our ass.”

“Felix-!”

“Kinda hard to shoot their tires when we’re going a hundred and fifty miles per fucking hour!”

Someone squeezed his hand, but Jisung’s eyes were already drooping. At the very least, Jisung was before he felt a shooting pain go up his thigh, pain like he had never experienced before- not even the last time he was shot. So, he screamed.

“Minho-.”

“On it. Sorry, Jisung.”

Jisung went to pull off the hand on his mouth, muffling his screams. But his body couldn’t take the stress, going limp from everything that had gone down in less than half an hour.

“Jisung? Jisung-!”

---

It had only been a week later when Jisung had finally woken up. Minho hadn’t left Jisung’s side, everyone lingering around the bed and room. They only really left to make something to eat, but returned to the bedroom when they were finished, refusing to leave Jisung out of their usual activities. Minho kept checking Jisung’s pulse nearly every hour, to comfort himself with the slow but significant beating pulse of Jisung’s arm. Everyone was scared out of their minds, even if they wouldn’t say it out loud. Somehow, this situation seemed a lot worse than the previous time. Chan hadn’t known anything about medicine then, and it was only by a miracle that they were able to take out the bullet. But that wasn’t the only problem. Eventually, the group had to leave, they had to face the music. Tension only seemed to grow thicker the longer they isolated themselves out of society, and they all had responsibilities that unfortunately, couldn’t be abandoned.

“I think that maybe we could negotiate with him, right?”

“He shot Jisung, he wanted to kill him. And plus, are you forgetting about ___? Who’s going to report them as missing persons?”

“Minho’s right, Chan. Maybe this is out of our hands.”

Both of the boys looked back at Woojin, impatience and displease in their eyes. “We won’t be able to make music if we’re all in jail. Plus, we,” Minho gestured to everyone in the room, “haven’t killed anybody or even attempted to.”

“Right, we can stop selling- that’s what we’ll tell them.”

“What about ___?” Jisung asked quietly, voice emerging from the bed. Everyone in the room rushed to his bedside, clambering on to sit beside or around him. “We can talk about that later,” Jeongin spoke, “Are you okay?” Mutters of agreement flooded the room, a variety of ‘are you okay’s and ‘how are you feeling?’ was asked without breaks, overlapping one another as they spoke.

“How long have I been out?” Jisung asked, “Did you find ___?”

“A week,” Minho answered calmly, “and no. Not yet, the guy went rogue. We’re working on a negotiation.”

The room went quiet as everyone watched for Jisung’s reaction.

“I’m sorry,” his voice didn’t waver, firm like never before, “for making a mess, for putting you all through this.”

“Hey,” Chan patted Jisung’s back, “it’s not your fault. We’re all at fault here.”

Jisung moved to get up, ignoring the throbbing pain from his thigh. “You need to take your time,” Minho said sharply, “If you push yourself before you’re ready, you’re just going to fall apart. Who are you going to help them.”

“Love you too, Minho.”

“Then stay in bed, and we’ll get you some food.”

 But Jisung was unnerved, as much as he wanted to focus on himself and pace himself to be in his best condition to come and help you- you were all he could think about. Even as he ate, light, distracting conversation filling the room, the record’s song still floated through his memory. He could still feel his head resting against your chest as you stroked his hair. He wish he could have prepared, done something to have prevented the situation.

But there was nothing he could’ve done, nothing indeed.

Minho knew that Jisung would be beating himself up. When Jisung was younger, everytime something bad happened- he would cry and cry. After he found the dead baby bird, he insisted on giving it a proper burial in a special place in the playground. The boys begrudgingly joined, not wanting Jisung to mourn the death all alone. Even after they had made a special box and a stone grave, even after they dug a shallow hole and buried it, Jisung lingered around the tree. He insisted that he was okay, just making sure that no one would dig the baby bird back up. But no one commented when they saw him wipe silent childish tears off his cheeks when they all had to go back to class. Jisung got rejected, and often. But instead of feeling bitterness towards the person, or trying to pursue them again- he beat himself up. He was a hopeless romantic, teddy bear inside and out- believing he would meet ‘the one’ soon. But that didn’t make the rejection hurt less, because, in his mind, something had to be wrong with him in order for him to get rejected all these times.

“Minho, what if my soulmate rejects me?”

“Then they’re not your soulmate, Jisung. Anyone who rejects you isn’t worth your time.”

Jisung knew that what Minho was saying had some truth to it, but at the time he just couldn’t see himself fall in love. Not because he had sworn off of it, but he was just so busy these days, breathing, eating, and sleeping music. It felt like his youth was slipping through the cracks of his fingers like sands of times. And he loved it, he did. It was his dream to be successful in music, and he was, they were. Even if their start was less than graceful, they didn’t even need the drug bribe to convince people to come listen to their music anymore, people were genuinely interested in their music. So, the thought of love was eventually pushed into the depths of his mind,

Until he entered your flower shop.

He was just picking up flowers for his grandmother, he didn’t expect anything special to happen. The truth was, he was slacking off on visiting his grandmother- so his parents called him, urging to pay her a visit. The first thing his grandmother did was make him go on a bunch of errands, with the promises of good food if he had gotten everything done without getting distracted. And what was a better motivator than food? Only love.

He had expected to see an elderly lady like his grandmother running the shop, but instead, he saw you putting flowers into a vase, and his first reaction was to hide behind a pot of flowers. But the windchimes at the door betrayed him, and you had called out to him, asking if he needed any help. Jisung believed in love at first sight, and this? This was love at first sight.

“Jisung!” Minho snapped Jisung out of his thoughts, “We don’t have time, you need to follow me.”

“Minho-?”

“Jisung, we don’t have time!”

There was nothing he could’ve done to prepare, nothing indeed.

                             ┕━━━━━━━✿━━━━━━━┙

[hysterialevi]

Abraham - A RDR2 Fanfic

Fanfic summary [NO SPOILERS]: Lyle Morgan and his eleven-year-old son have a conversation about Beatrice’s death, only for the boy to witness a second one.

Warning(s): Mild language

Author’s note: Bear with me if not everything in this story is correct. I’m not entirely sure where Arthur’s originally from (all I’ve heard is that he’s from somewhere in the north), so I just made something up lol. Also, this fic will only be one part. Anyway, hope you enjoy :)

From Lyle’s POV

A FOREST SOMEWHERE IN MONTANA

SUMMER, 1874

Strollin’ through the tall, thick grass, I led my mount around the forest at a casual pace while my son sat on top, consumed by his journal as always. It was an hour or two before midday, and right now, there was a radiant blanket o’ sunshine bathing the entire forest, painting everything with a golden tint. It was beautiful, and I wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of the day out here...but this feeling of annoyance just wouldn’t stop naggin’ me, and I knew exactly why.

I briefly glanced over my shoulder, peering at my son as he scribbled something down in the weathered pages of his journal.

A quick sigh escaped me.

I didn’t know who the hell Arthur got his interest in art from, or why Beatrice even bothered buying him that book, but that child just couldn’t seem to take his eyes away from it. Every time I came across the boy, he was always scratchin’ down some fantasy world of his, or creating images of a utopia I ain’t ever seen. It was pointless.

He spent more time daydreamin’ in that book than he did playing outside, or hunting, or fishing -- hell, he didn’t even know how to read -- and yet, Beatrice seemed perfectly content with it.

Or at least...she did.

Beatrice weren’t around no more. She was killed by bandits a few months ago. Robbed. Left on the side o’ the road for the crows to feed on. But Arthur didn’t know that. Sheriff told him it was a wild animal that took her. A wolf, to be exact. And he believed him.

I dragged a hand down my face, suddenly feelin’ exhausted just thinking about it.

Had I done the right thing, not tellin’ Arthur the truth about his own mother’s death, I wondered? I figured the kid didn’t need to know the morbid details, or even the entire truth, but I still felt like a piece of shit for not revealing the full story -- especially considering that them bandits who killed Beatrice...killed her ‘cause of me.

I had stolen something from them. Somethin’ valuable. And before it fell into their dirty hands, that “something” apparently belonged to a rich plantation owner who really wanted it back. Ended up gettin’ one of the bandits hanged, and left them thirsty for revenge. But they didn’t have the strength to go after the plantation owner. So, they came after me instead.

They chased me for quite a while. They chased me across the mountains, across the swamps, across the goddamned snow...until finally, they came to their senses and realized there were much better, more convenient ways of hurtin’ me. And thus, their paths diverted to my wife and son.

Those bastards managed to corner her while she was ridin’ to town to do some shopping. Found her on some secluded road between here and the nearest settlement, and ensured she would never return. That was when Arthur went lookin’ for help to find his missing mother hours later, and the sheriff assured him a wolf had gotten to Beatrice.

Christ. I really was a terrible father, weren’t I? Not only did I pay more attention to a bottle o’ whiskey than my own wife, I had also neglected Arthur for years on end, and indirectly gotten his mother killed. And the boy was only eleven.

He had spent half of his life not knowing a damned thing about where his daddy was, or even what he did, only to lose the one parent he already had before he could find out.

Lord...there had to be some way to make this up to him.

I looked back at the boy, suddenly feeling an urge to say something -- anything -- to him.

“Arthur,” I called out, catching the kid’s attention as his head perked up from behind the journal’s pages, “put that damned book away for a moment, will you?”

The boy hurriedly marked his place in the journal with a pen and shut it closed, resting the object on the saddle’s surface as he hung his head low in shame.

“...Sorry, sir.” He murmured.

I shook my head, lettin’ out a concerned breath.

“You spend far too much time in that journal. It was a mistake to buy it.”

Arthur’s eyes wandered to the trees towering around us.

“I’m sorry, dad,” he apologized timidly. “But I like drawing.”

I scoffed. “Yeah? Well, I like Poker. But I ain’t got time to play it. Too busy worryin’ about survival, and keeping the both of us fed. You can’t always do what you want, Arthur. You gotta provide. Things like drawing, gambling...they’re frivolous. We got better things to worry about.”

The child quirked a brow. “Friv-uh-less...? What’s that mean?”

“It means we don’t need to do it,” I explained. “What we do need, however, is to eat. So put that journal away and keep an eye out for deer. You was the one who suggested we come out here in the first place.”

Arthur frowned in a discouraged manner. “Yes, sir.”

I gave him a stern nod. “Good boy. Now...you said you seen a big buck out here?”

The boy pointed ahead. “Yeah. It was by the river.”

I gave the reins a little tug, urging my horse to follow me. “Then that’s where we’ll start. C’mon, Boadicea.”

Continuing our little hunting trip, Arthur and I traveled deeper into the lively woods as creatures of all types scurried around us, rustling blades of grass and alerting the tiny insects that hovered above the plants.

There was a rather peaceful mood to the forest today -- a welcome change considerin’ how chaotic my life usually was -- and I had to admit: some part of me enjoyed being here with Arthur. I rarely ever got to see the boy because of my work as an outlaw, and when I did, he always seemed reluctant to leave the house. Whether that was because he was more of an indoors person, or simply ‘cause he weren’t eager to spend time with me -- I didn’t know. But it was good to be with him regardless.

Approaching the large river, I came to a temporary halt as I crouched down and examined the ground, carefully searchin’ for any tracks that could’ve possibly led us to the buck.

The area here appeared undisturbed -- save for the fish flopping in and out of the babbling water -- and as far as I could tell, there weren’t no deer running around this section of the forest. Not at the moment, anyway. Maybe they were at a different part of the river.

I took a closer look at the grass, only to be torn away from my thoughts when Arthur raised a question.

“Dad?” He asked softly. “Can I...can I ask you something? About momma?”

I paused, thrown off-guard by the sudden change in tone.

“Momma?” I repeated, slowly turning towards the boy. “Why you wanna talk about her?”

Arthur’s expression sank with sorrow.

“It’s just...you knew her better than I did. Or longer, I guess. And I don’t remember her that good. ...Do you?”

I gazed at him in a puzzled manner, admittedly still a bit taken aback by the abrupt question.

“...Clear as day,” I replied, unwilling to sift through the painful memories. “But that don’t matter. She’s...she ain’t coming back, Arthur. No one does, once they die. Ain’t no point in lingerin’ in the past when it can only haunt you. All we can do is move on. You understand?”

Clearly a bit hurt by my response, Arthur dropped the subject and averted his eyes from me, peering over at a nearby gathering of flowers instead.

He slouched despondently. “...I understand.”

That wasn’t good enough for me. I took a step towards him.

“Look at me when you say that, Arthur,” I demanded. “It’s important you look people in the eye when you speak to them.”

The boy brought his line of sight back to me, his face veiled behind a very subtle layer of fear.

He straightened his back a bit. “I understand.”

I nodded in approval. “Good. Now...let’s get back to huntin’ this buck. You sure it was around the river?”

Arthur gazed around. “I saw it this morning when I was playing with Copper,” he confirmed. “It was drinkin’ water right here. That’s when I came to get you.”

I observed the dirt underneath me, squinting my eyes as I searched for clues. The grass in these parts was quite thick, so that made it even tougher to spot fur, or dung -- and I still didn’t see any deer tracks -- but it certainly looked like another animal had been around here.

I kneeled down, shuffling the grass outta the way with my hand.

“It looks like some wild horses might’ve passed through this area,” I examined. “But no sign of deer. Oh, well...the day is still young, and we have some time, so we’ll keep looking.” I gestured to a nearby bridge. “Let’s try over there.”

Grabbing my horse’s reins, I continued to guide it through the woods as Arthur scouted the area for me, his big blue eyes scanning the sharp horizon while the sun escalated in the sky. There was a certain determination in his temperament now, and the longer we carried on trying to locate this buck, the more my son seemed to be enjoying himself.

Perhaps there was hope for us, after all.

“...Dad?” The boy called again, making me flick my eyes to the side. “What if there are wolves out here?”

I encouraged him to stay calm. “Now, don’t you go worryin’ about that. If we see wolves out here, we’ll be fine. We’re armed, we’re fast, and we’re smart.”

Arthur wasn’t convinced. “...Momma was smart.”

I sighed in a melancholic tone at that. “Yes...she was. But...Momma was killed by a different type of wolf.”

He tilted his head in a puzzled manner. “What d’you mean?”

I gestured to my rifle. “Not all wolves are the same, Arthur. Some use their teeth, some use their guns, and some use their tongue. You gotta be able to identify them when you see ‘em.”

The kid didn’t say it flat out, but I could tell he knew what I was really talkin’ about.

“Those sound more like people.” He replied. I let out a gentle chuckle.

“People can be worse than wolves, Arthur. In fact, I’d prefer a wolf over some o’ the people I’ve met.”

Arthur leaned forward in the saddle, his body swaying along with Boadicea’s steady speed.

“What kinda people have you met?”

I lowered my voice, thinking back to the bandits who killed Beatrice.

“Killers. Thieves. Deceivers. Men who will constantly betray each other even though they share the same motive: greed.”

I turned to Arthur with a remorseful look, hopin’ to do at least one right thing in my life, and use myself as a cautionary tale that money weren’t as clean as it seemed.

“...Greed,” I told him, “it breaks people, Arthur. They may not realize it, ‘cause greed can get you far in this world...but the reward ain’t worth it. Not compared to the things you have to sacrifice. In the end, you’ll have tons of cash, only to realize that there are luxuries not even millionaires can afford.”

His innocence took over. “Then why do they do it?”

That was a question I asked myself everyday. I shrugged in a disheartened fashion.

“Because they don’t care. So long as their pockets is heavy, and their bellies is full, they’ll keep on going. But like I said, greed poisons you. It kills you. And you won’t even notice until you’re already sittin’ in a grave. So promise me, Arthur, promise me that when you get to my age...you won’t become a wolf.”

Despite evidently bein’ a little confused, the child was able to make some sense of what I just said and agreed to the promise, reassuring me with a small smile.

“I promise.”

“Good boy,” I praised, bringing my mind back to the main reason we came out here. “Anyway, here’s the bridge. Why don’t you hop down and help me find this buck?”

“Okay.”

Sliding down the saddle, Arthur effortlessly climbed down and joined me, scurrying ‘round like a mouse while he searched for any signs of the buck. But so far, there was nothing in sight.

“See anything?” I checked. The boy shook his head.

I wiped some sweat off my brow, letting out a fatigued sigh. This animal was certainly proving to be a challenge to hunt down. We had already been in this forest for a couple hours now, and our efforts still hadn’t paid off. Part o’ me was almost starting to suspect if Arthur even saw a deer in the first place, and not some other kinda animal.

I decided to take a short break, and turned to ask the boy.

“You positive the buck was roamin’ around in these parts? Or that it was a buck at all? I haven’t seen any tracks so far.”

A soft rustle suddenly reached my ears, interrupting my conversation with Arthur as I reached for my gun, only to be stopped by a sound I didn’t expect.

It was a man’s voice.

“...Don’t even think about it,” the stranger warned, cocking his own gun. “I will shoot if necessary.”

Freezing at the intrusion, I remained perfectly still and didn’t utter a single word as a pair of footsteps steadily approached me from behind, followed by two more men coming in from the front on horseback.

They were all dressed in similar outfits donned with Nevada hats, and I couldn’t help but notice the star-shaped badges shimmerin’ blatantly on their chests.

Shit. These were lawmen. What the hell were they doin’ out here? I never expected the law to travel this far into the country. This was definitely odd.

What really puzzled me though, weren’t the fact that there were three lawmen just...waitin’ for us out here -- it was more the fact that Arthur didn’t seem phased by any of this in the slightest. Just what exactly was goin’ on?

Trotting closer to me, one of the mounted men glowered in my direction as he ordered his deputy to restrain me, his firm, steel eyes never wavering.

I recognized him instantly.

“...Sheriff Buchanan.” I muttered through gritted teeth.

He returned the greeting, scowling from under his hat’s rim.

“Lyle Morgan.”

I shrugged at him, unsure of what to make of the situation.

“What is this shit? What’s the sheriff doing all the way out here?”

Buchanan glanced at Arthur, standing in front of him in a protective manner.

“I told you I’d use every option I had to get you behind bars, Morgan...and I meant it. You made the choice not to heed my warning.”

Taking a second to process what he just told me, the realization suddenly hit me like a bullet to the gut as I stared at Arthur with a sense of immense betrayal, unable to believe what was happening.

There never was no goddamned buck.

Things was never gonna work out for me and Arthur.

This was all a trap.

My own...son...had turned me in.

He was the bait, and Buchanan was the true hunter.

I clenched my jaw in rage, doing my absolute best to shield my emotions as the deputy kicked me to my knees.

“...A-Arthur...?” I whispered, my voice trembling.

The boy looked me straight in the eye, standing adamantly beside Buchanan as his deputies tied me up. I threw a glare at the sheriff, damning him till my last moments.

“You bastard, Buchanan...!” I cursed. “You turned my own damned son against me...?!”

The man showed no guilt and tightened his grip on his rifle, silently advising me to stay back.

“No need,” Buchanan denied. “You drove him to me all by yourself.”

He placed a gentle hand on Arthur’s shoulder and guided him towards the second deputy, ordering them to bring him back to town.

“Clayton, bring the boy back to the office. We’ll figure out where to send him later. For now though, just keep him safe, and look after him.”

“Right away, Sheriff.”

Preparing both his horse and mine for departure, the deputy left Arthur next to the sheriff as the boy stood firmly in place, his innocent yet damaged gaze never leavin’ mine.

Despite the hint of remorse clouding the child’s eyes, it was pretty obvious Arthur felt he made the right decision in turning me in. And just as Buchanan’s second deputy started to drag me away, I couldn’t help but notice a beautiful Whitetail buck wanderin’ around in the distance, its majestic antlers standing out like a crown on a monarch’s head as it bathed in the golden sunlight.

The animal swayed its head in my direction, almost as if trying to communicate with me.

“I’m sorry, dad,” Arthur whispered as he walked towards Clayton, blocking the buck in the process. “...But you made me promise.”

Taking his leave, the boy finally mounted up and steadily trotted away from the scene, only to reveal an empty spot where the buck once stood as he left the forest.

Well...I may have found the buck like I planned, but it weren’t my job to kill it.

And it certainly weren’t my place to look for it.

I could hunt them down to my heart’s content, and kill ‘em all I wanted for my own desires...but in the end, they would always be able to afford the one luxury I’d never obtained.

Peace.

[eerythingisshaka]

I made this post on Monday, and just now got around to edit and post

I’m basically going through the whole plot of Endgame and how I felt, I just had to hammer it out.   If you haven’t seen it yet, please come back when you have! First things first, I did not cry!  I feel like I’m in the minority, and I swear I am a devoted MCU fan and love Tony and Cap and them, but I did not cry and I’m so disappointed with myself!  I got more emotional thinking about it in the days leading to the premiere than I did while viewing.  I think it was too entertaining for me to find it sad?  Not like movies I cry at aren’t entertaining but the action and substance was making my nerd heart pitter patter so much, I was over the moon and couldn’t come down.  I will say though, ever since watching Endgame, every past Marvel movie makes me somewhat emotional.  This whole thing is like a high school graduation, like I’m never gonna see my friends together again like this, an era is over!  All I have are memories, aaaaggghhhh!

That being said. the movie grips me from the beginning with the song Dear Mr. Fantasy by Traffic.  Marvel has some pretty good picks for songs to set the tone for their movies, to this day this song kinda pulls at my heart strings because of its message 

 Dear Mr. Fantasy play us a tune

Something to make us all happy

Do anything, take us out of this gloom

So of course, we all felt this way with the ending of Infinity War, having so many of our faves being sacrificed to dust for Thanos’ plan of rectifying what he saw as the decrepit state of the universe.  Walking away from part one with the villain winning was a fresh slap to my face and a year of agony to find out how the heroes pull this off in the end.  Take us out of our gloom Marvel! 

And the characters must feel the same, as the film opens with Clint and his daughter doing some archery in their yard as a very American lunch of mayo and mustard hot dogs are being served.  As his daughter Lilah is putting things away, Clint calls out to her only to see dust and turns again to his family with the same result.  So much for freedom from our gloom, right?  In case you somehow forgot, this little scene gives us a friendly reminder of what we were left with in 2018.  If that’s not enough, Nebula and Tony playing the little hand goal, paper flick game that is just darling to witness.  Nebula plays like a rehabilitated puppy still unsure about being around humans as Tony instructs her like a child on every development of the game.  Her little perk up when he announces her win is so cute as they shake hands, finally sealing her character development from ruthless, blood-thirsty appeaser of a sadistic father, to a more stoic, regretful soft spoken but hoarse matured version of herself.  All the while, Tony is beginning to starve from being malnourished and depleting oxygen.  Nebula sets him in a piloting chair as he drifts off, losing consciousness until the homie we have all assumed would be coming appears as a glow in his irises, Carol Danvers aka Captain Marvel.  

Carol flies the ship back to Tony’s compound where Cap, Rhodey, Natasha, and Pepper wait for him to descend.  We get a moment with him and Cap that is sweet as Cap walks him down, Tony tells him he lost Peter Parker, an obviously huge loss for this to be the first thing he mentions.  The warmth is lost quickly though as the next step of Tony’s grief comes afoot: anger and finger pointing.  Tony, on an IV and all, is relentless as he festers in bitterness while lashing out at Cap and company that the fight was lost and even encouraged by Cap because they were together.  This optimism is obviously not enough for Tony, who grows weary of Cap’s positivity, opting that he finish the work alone or that Danvers takes on the task herself before collapsing from exhaustion.

Carol, Thor and the gang have a slight dick measuring contest on kicking Thanos’ ass once and for all before Nebula offers to take them straight to him.  And where is he?  Why on a farm on a planet in the galaxy, nursing his wounds from the snap.   His entire right side is burned to a crisp due to the snap, and at the same time has obliterated the stones much to their dismay.  Thor wastes no time in chopping off Thanos’ head, a little too late but satisfying none the less.  However, in the end, the stones are nowhere to be found, the last person to have them is dead, and no one from the snaps is back yet.  Cue music!

So, the gloom we are supposed to be rescued from, when does that start right?  Not for another five years according to a time lapse card.  Our heroes have no means of figuring out the solution to the snap; Cap forms a support group for survivor’s, Natasha has grown out her blonde hair and is constantly checking in on happenings around the world, and universe since the snap, jumping at even the mention of an earthquake.  Rhodey briefs her on a terrible killing spree of gang members that appear to have a style that is well known to them as Clint Barton’s aka Hawkeye.  Despite Rhodey’s hesitance Natasha insists he keeps an eye on him, inferring that she may track him down eventually.  (Quick side note here, something to be seen as a possible plot flaw:  Hawkeye’s bloodlust and disregard for lives after losing his whole family in the snap isn’t dug into very deeply after this.  Rhodey said it’s so bad he didn’t even wanna find him!  But there wasn’t any in fighting or push back after that between them.  He has one instance of almost interacting with his family on a test run for time travel which is against the rules, but other than that he isn’t killing people recklessly or even triggered to tears or drinking incessantly over his loss.  But more on Thor in a minute). 

If it hadn’t been for that rat running across the panel in Scott Lang’s van to activate his return from the Quantum realm who knows how long, if ever, would they figure out the means of traveling back to get the stones.  I was so glad I watched Antman and Wasp right before seeing Endgame, so I knew the van, Cassie, and a little bit about the Quantum Realm.  I’m actually upset that I didn’t realize the realm could be used for their benefit because I was always betting on the Time Stone being the corrector in all this, but anyway.  Scott returns highly confused as he realizes the state of the world since his entrapment in the realm.  Seeing his baby girl become a young lady was a powerful scene to witness, and had my heart dent a little bit, but I held it together.  Soon after that, Scott makes his way to find Cap and Natasha, explaining how 5 years was really five hours for him, so time is different in the realm which could possibly mean something for them getting the dusted back.  At one point in the movie, I’m blanking on which comes first but for now I’ll dive into this bit, we are reintroduced to Bruce Banner as Hulk…as one person.  I completely forgot that we didn’t see Bruce in trailers, which is for this reason.  Comic book followers would know, but there is a iteration of Bruce Banner becoming Professor Hulk, so he functions as his normal scientist self, while also being a big green being.  Oddly enough, it does not take long for me to grow accustomed to The Bruce Hulk hybrid, he is hilarious and sweet and more confident even then he was as a regular man despite his appearance.  He has fans, people love him and this is a far cry from when we are introduced to him in the original Avengers as Nat tracks him down somewhere in Southeast Asia, a nervous wreck loner who is quick to anger.  I could see this Hulk being fanfic fodder, not my cup of tea, but he was just that damn appealing, I could see it.

But even with Bruce’s brain, time travel isn’t exactly hammered down as an absolute possibility so they reach out to another source on the matter.  Which brings me to my love/hate relationship with Tony.  I ADORE that he finally had a baby with Pepper, Morgan “Cussin Queen” Stark.  Tony is living his best life in the natural air in his log cabin, as off grid as he possibly can be before Black Widow, Cap, and Lang pull up to question the possibilities ahead of them.  The strength of his cold shoulder gave me an insatiable chill down my spine.  Tony is the King of Petty, but rarely passive so I was surprised by that moment of mean girl attitude from him.  But luckily he served up something to drink (I’m thinking it’s iced coffee or chocolate milk.  I’m still confused by what that held.)  Tony basically tells them they are crazy and hoping for nothing, because he’s good where he is.  He has his girls and no stress which is honestly what the Avengers always seem to guarantee for him since joining the group with SHIELD under Nick Fury’s insistence years ago.  I do wish I could remember the theories and scientific laws he said would be fucked up with their plan, just to see if they are real ones but also I love when Tony just spouts his knowledge like it’s IKEA instructions.  He makes it seem so simple until you have to break it down, and up until this point Scott seemed like the smartest one on the team but really Tony could’ve been figured this out if he wasn’t so granola now, which is great and happy for him, but he really did give up very quickly.  Once again, probably good reason, self-care.  But still.

Gotta say, I love a selfish Tony though.  Quick shoutout to Robert Downey Jr. in showing his chops by bringing the emotional fortitude to this Disney movie.  The man has been THROUGH IT and has had enough.  Tony only has so much optimism in him that the cheerleading squad can provide before his is completely done and baby was DONE.

But without Tony’s help they test run moving through the quantum realm only to discover what Tony says later, that time kept moving though Scott instead of him moving through time, making him a baby, and old man, a kid again, and back to an adult.  But with a fancy time GPS Tony doctor’s up on the fly after discovering that the group isn’t crazy about the time travel being an option, they are good to go like it’s day one!  (Another side note to Paul Rudd aka Scott Lang giving us much needed comic relief.  I have never laughed so hard at my precious baby trying to eat a taco in my life. Also, Cap’s yeehaw attire in this scene?  The checkered white shirt with his dark jeans pulled up?  Truly save the horse and ride the cowboy instead man.)  

Now at this point we have to check in on Thor, our sweet pirate angel.  How has he fared?  Him, Valkyrie, and the surviving Asgardians establish their own town  on Earth.  Thor and Rocket go to find him, with a preview from Valkyrie of what Thor’s mental state is by the piles of beer kegs outside.  So, when they enter his home, giving a wave to Korg and Miek playing video games on the couch, Thor tumbles out behind Thor and Rocket reaching for another cold on, camera to his back.  By now we can see his hair is overgrown and greasy, and his midsection has a new pair of love handles we aren’t used to seeing on our svelte, brutish god of thunder.  So when he turns around, audience erupts in the theaters, as do I, to see him now looking like a melted ice cream cone with a beer belly that somehow still has some toned abs on top if you look closely, paired with some man titties to complete all billowing over his pajama pants to complete his depression ensemble.  This was more shocking to me than the Hulk/Banner hybrid reveal.  We hadn’t seen an image of Thor outside of him giving Carol Danvers the Stormbreaker scare test in the previews, so thanks for another surprise.  Despite his crumbling emotional stability at even the mention of Thanos’ name (tip of the hat to Chris Hemsworth for making my heartache with every crack in his voice), I have to get on my soapbox and say Thor’s body is beautiful!  He is a supreme King, deliciously made who can still smash any pair of cheeks to ash and dust with the power Mjolnir in each thrust quicker than any counterfeit gauntlet.  Just watch him later on, you’ll see!  I’d have that belly slapping on top of me in a quantum realm millisecond after he takes a shower and attends therapy.  A lil pudge ain’t killed no part of his power, whew.  Don’t make me shout.

Back to plot, with the promise of beer, Thor the Dude tags along to start the plan of going back to retrieve infinity stones.  After a synopsis of each one and where they were located, the crew drums up the plan to retrieve each stone from the past, bring them back to the future to put into a new gauntlet  and snap the other half of life’s creatures back.  This part of the movie is so stellar because if you have watched past Marvel movies (the first Avengers, Gaurdians of the Galaxy, Captain America First Avenger, and Thor Dark World) you will recognize the scenes that are featured with their past selves going through their past-current scenes.  Natasha and Clint go to Vormir for the Soul stone, which I am surprised Nebula did not warn them that someone would have to die to retrieve it.  What if two characters that didn’t love each other went for the Soul stone, is it over and done?  But luckily, or unluckily, Clint and Natasha are able to get the stone with a sacrifice of Natasha’s life (who honestly sacrificed herself but it counted.  And I need so much more clarity on the specs of the soul stone, it ain’t even funny.  Will we ever see what the realm Gamora and Black Widow are in is like?)  These two characters have been last on my list always so the scene was crazy watching them battle back and forth for a chance at ending their lives but the end result didn’t hit my heart but still great.  I kinda would’ve wished little Gamora was there again to talk to us.  

Then Hulk has to go see Ancient One to retrieve the time stone, which she will not relinquish until Hulk says that Strange gave it up willingly.  On his word alone, she gives it to him, sensing the imminent danger that could come that is worse than the alternate reality she faces for not having the time stone with her.  Then Rhodey and Nebula go to Morag for the Power Stone.  So this is the first sign of overall trouble in their plan because apparently having two Nebula’s mix memory frequencies that reveal the whole entire plan to Thanos.  I thought for sure at some point that Nebula’s eye was gonna have to be dug out to ensure the completion of the mission but it winds up that Nebula and Gamora take her hostage before past Nebula takes current Nebula’s place with the crew going back with their stones, none the wiser.  Not even Rhodey gives her a check in like “why did you not come back with me when I jetted back to the future?  what happened?”  Nothing!  The death of Natasha kind of takes precedent over anything else and leave Nebula to finish off bringing Thanos back with her to wreak havoc.  

Lastly, Cap, Tony, and Scott are in New York circa Avengers number 1, fighting the space aliens and keeping Loki from the tesseract.  And I am not exaggerating when I say this part of movie is possibly the greatest cinematic feature I have ever seen, or will ever see my natural life.  You have Tony, creeping in the shadows to get Antman ready to help retrieve the tesseract, all the while admiring Cap’s ass!  He does it, critiquing that his outfit does nothing for his ass, when we all know nothing holds back them cheeks from making an appearance.  Scott, ever the voice of standom, downplays Tony’s critique and coins his rear end as “America’s Ass”.  I EXPLODED.  Ever since Captain America: the First Avenger, I have pined, no, thirsted, nay, LUSTED for that man in Marvel cinema.  He has the BAWDY to be Cap, and never slacks.  I have also always been a big fan of Tony and Cap having a torrid love affair that Marvel refused to implement but teases anytime they stare deeply into each other’s eyes or argue feistily until they are nose to nose, just get a room you two!  Ten points to Gryffindor for feeding the fans what they want!

So, New York is the only place that doesn’t go smoothly, as Cap retrieves the scepter containing the Mind Stone after a quick “Hail Hydra” to throw off the double agent SHIELD opponents from Winter Soldier.  All this time, Tony and Scott lose the tesseract in a freak incident that causes the case to fall into Loki’s vicinity, who picks up the cube and disappears to God knows where.  And it is never figured out where past Loki goes, or what timeline he creates for himself now that he has the tesseract at his disposal with no one to oppose him.  That is another thing I would love to know, all these alternate realities that have been constructed due to them tinkering with time, what happens?  What damage is done to the Ancient One without time?  What does Loki do with space?  How is Jane and Asgard without the reality stone ravaging her?  (Rocket got it btw as Thor got caught up talking to his mother, which was a very sweet scene and really amplified her character for me to love her more than I already had).  But at least Cap got the scepter until he is met with his past Cap, leading to my most favorite fight scene in the MCU.  Something about those two classic suits running at each other with the cacophony of the shields, and current Cap saying some choice expletives now and getting tired of the bullshit while past Cap still has all that giddy up and pure heart and “I can do this all day” attitude is an exceptional treat to be had.  I love Cap’s development, as much as he has stayed the same, he has changed, grown more into his age even, getting weary with the world but never losing his positive outlook, just shifting his focus gradually.  But to correct the tesseract blunder, Tony and Cap go back to 1970 to get the original tesseract from SHIELD in its infancy.  Both Tony and Cap have a soft moment.  Tony see’s his father who talks to him about his expecting wife (aka baby Tony) and Cap sees Peggy again in her youthful glory, panging our heartstrings.  But in the end, the supplies are collected and they move on.

So after they get the stones, they construct the gauntlet out of Tony’s suit Iron man material and it is decided that Hulk must do the snap since gamma radiation is part of the stones and so is he. It is not a simple easy thing as he writhes in pain and burns under the pressure of power but does the snap anyway and successfully brings back half the world.  This win is shortlived once Thanos bombards the compound and sends Nebula off to retrieve the stones.  This is the start of the longest game of flag football/hot potato/rugby adjacent.  Hawkeye has the gauntlet at first as everyone tries to pull themselves from the rubble (side note:  seeing Rocket so distressed shook me.  He is usually so cool and wily, getting out of so much bullshit that his helplessness when he couldn’t breathe almost sent me over).

So since they retrieved the stones, it’s not like they change their past, just create alternate realities.  Once they return them, things go back to normal again.  So Hulk uses the gauntlet to bring back the rest of the population again, we just don’t see them yet until later.  Past Nebula gets killed by current Nebula after Gamora helps current Nebula out to stop Thanos because as we know from Infinity War, Gamora never wanted Thanos to find them all.  Thor, Cap, and Tony all team up to spar with Thanos who was waiting patiently for the gauntlet to be brought to him.  Much to my dismay, the fight is very even, no side truly overpowers the other.  Thor really wants to put in work, but can’t quite get through until Cap does what I have been waiting for since Ultron: HE PICKS UP MJOLNIR!  (which Thor took back from Asgard in his time travel).  Wheew, I coulda passed out when I saw Cap wielding that thing like it’s his the star spangled banner itself, sending lightning down on Thanos, busting him upside his head and all!  I was spent and feeling aftershocks until Thanos gets the upperhand again and bombards his shield with that weak ass helicopter blade sword thing.  It breaks the shield up!  Which is made of vibranium!  THE STRONGEST METAL IN THE UNIVERSE!  This how I know Russo’s were just grasping at straws; the only thing I can say is since Tony made him that one after the snap, he probably used bootleg vibranium because obviously nobody called Wakanda for input on a damn thing to make this mission happen which is a rant I can say on a completely separate post.  Sure, take T’Challa and Shuri in the snap, it’s not like the whole country isn’t composed of melanated geniuses that could give y’all a lesson on quantum physics that would make your central nervous system dry out.  No, don’t call Wakanda to make vibranium anything for y’all to help in the fight, it’s cool cuz y’all didn’t try and clean up anything after shit hit the fan!  I wanted a 10 minute Wakanda clean up scene: I got DUST.  The underutilization of such a great people while at the same time using them frivilously is a *blink blink* mindfuck.  But I digress again!

Once Cap seems to be against the wall, he tightens his shield band around his arm and says slap me bitch.  But before it continues,  Sam gives him a quick “on your left” signaling the return of everyone, with first none other than our Wakandan royalty: T’Challa, Okoye, and Shuri.  Dr. Strange’s portals open up as populations come to join the fight from Gaurdians and Asgard, Wakanda and other Marvel movies.  The fight scene that begins I can’t wait to own at home becuase I know I have to pause and slow motion to capture everything.  Someone said Howard the Duck is in the fight which I HAVE to see. Can you imagine getting your ass impaled by a cartoon space duck? 

The game of keep the gauntlet from Thanos continues as Spiderman, T’Challa, and others all have a go at running the guantlet away from Thanos.  This is a part that I kind of have to think to remember.  I know that Antman and Wasp had to spark up the quantum realm van and I think the plan was to send the gauntlet into it, but I’m not sure.  Eventually Tony is alerted by Strange that the one in 14 million chance at winning is upon them and Tony goes ham to get the gauntlet from Thanos, who nearly succeeds but Tony yeets them off the glove and onto his suit, proclaiming himself as Iron Man one last time before snapping the bad half of the population into obliteration.  All the bad aliens and Thanos dust away, leaving the original population the watch them float away.  However Tony’s sacrifice is his life as he dies after goodbyes from Peter, Pepper and Rhodey.  

The funeral occurs with everyone there, even the kid from Iron Man 3.  This is a really emotional scene, especially seeing Tony left a last message in case of his demise, ending it with telling Morgan “I Said What I Said” Stark that he loves her 3000.  Once again, I almost got choked up there, but it just wouldn’t happen. One thing that took me out were Wakanda’s outfits at the funeral.  All black everything, but the fit and the make of Okoye and Shuri’s dresses?  With the gold accessories????  I can’t mourn when all that beauty is in my face!

And in the end, Cap goes back in time to send the stones back to where they belong but stays in the past to reunite with Peggy, finally bust her open and returns as an old man to give his shield to Falcon and that is it!

I almost got choked up just now thinking about that last scene but I still didn’t cry.  A tear came down when the end credits showed the actors pictures and their signatures of the original Avengers though.  There will never be a better Cap or Iron Man bruh, taking that to my grave.

 I’ve been in this MCU life for just about the whole length of it; watching these amazing superhero action flicks for the fun of it before recognizing the structure of each film forming towards an ending so grand. “You see where you’re going? Now let’s focus on how you get there.” This is a statement that is about to be my mantra for life! This is a huge project for a studio to put together properly, having all of our superheroes in one place, sewn together with the journey of the infinity stones to take out the big purple meanie Thanos who is hellbent on controlling the universe the easy way (50% of all living creatures annihilated) or the hard way (100% gone, starting from scratch).

But Marvel has given me so much great entertainment to look forward to.  Ever since I graduated high school, it’s been the May or November of each year, what’s Marvel putting out next? And it’s gonna be tough not expecting an Avengers film anymore, but I’ll be here for the new build up of superheroes, supporting Black Panther still of course as well.  I will miss the Cap thirst, wardrobe really did their part in this one with the Black sweater, the grey Henley, the yeehaw outfit previously mentioned and EVERY CAP UNIFORM HE HAS WORN!  I love this fucking fandom.  

And now I just wonder where past Gamora went, because she came to the present and “present” Gamora died at Vormir so we have a Gamora alive now but she went MIA, or did she get snapped back when Tony snapped all the henchmen back?  Thor at the end joins the GOTG  or Asgardians of the Galaxy, so I can’t wait to see how they fair in I assume GOTG 3.  How will Falcon do as the new Cap?  What does Bucky do now??  He was the original ride or die for Cap until he became Winter Soldier, but Cap was very forgiving of him in all that.  Yet, his closure seems open for anything, he got no special stuff in the end so maybe more for him?  How is Spiderman and the whole teenage snap population going back to school when it is five years in the future but they are the same age?  Where did Valkyrie keep her Pegasus this entire time?  When Cap went back to Vormir, what was his reunion with Red Skull like?  And what did Thanos do with the stones before they were destroyed?  They said he used them again and that’s how they found him at the beginning but on what? Answer these questions for me please!  

If you made it this far, I love ya 3000 and I owe you cheeseburgers (oh God TONY!!!)

[backpackbrigade]

Backpack Playlist 5/27/19

I no longer have a radio show so this is where I’m gonna be posting my thoughts and playlists! Have fun, who cares. Apple Music/Spotify links at the bottom. Enjoy. 

“Running Up That Hill (A Deal With God)” - Kate Bush, Hounds of Love (1985, EMI)

A gay icon, not much to say beyond that. We love some extra as shit background vocals.

“Bags” - Clairo, Immunity (2019, Fader)

First single off Clairo’s new LP coming out at some point this year. Literally all I can think when I hear the guitar line in this song is Avril Lavigne, and I say that with the utmost respect and love. Big ups to VW alum Rostam for the production on this track and Danielle Haim for drums - does this mean Clairo is now part of the PC Music squad AND the VW-adjacent rap/indie rock squad??? Her career is definitely pretty strange so far, but I’m hype to see her blow up beyond the world of the Youtube algorithm chewing up and spitting out DIY music videos. This track is also kinda full circle for her - in her big Pitchfork feature last year, she talked about being starstruck after seeing one of the Haim sisters on a plane listening to SOPHIE, and now she’s got one of them on a track. We love growth.

“Kisses 2 My Phone” - Sega Bodega, self*care - EP (2018, NUXXE)

Lona (aka MANIIK aka BABY GAMELAN) shared this EP with me last year, and it’s been rattling around in my head ever since. Some glitchy trap beats and subtly depressing lyrics about sending kisses to your phone and losing love. Scottish experimental pop kid who gets in your ears and won’t leave.

“Even the Shadow” - Porches, Pool (2016, Domino)

A classic, both Pool and their newer album The House (2018, Domino) remind me of a very specific time in my life when I was spending 12 hours in the photo studio every other weeknight and played Porches on shuffle to get through it. Very sad stoner synthy alt-pop for gay kids with lots of insecurity but dreams of 2014 soft pale tumblr aesthetic escapism!!

“Hatin” - Rico Nasty & Kenny Beats, Anger Management (2019, Sugar Trap)

Remember when Rico was just a Soundcloud kid with a stellar remix of “The Race” under her belt?? When I first heard that track in the background of a friend from high school’s Instagram story, I literally dropped my phone trying to lyric search it to see who sang it. Big ups to Lafayette (a newly minted Howard University grad :,) ) for putting me on. Rico’s always been bffs with Kenny, so this collab record isn’t surprising, but I didn’t expect it to be this good!!! Very excited to see her blowing up on Tik Tok rn, maybe she’ll finally get what she’s owed. And she deserves more than just a 2 second cameo in the Old Town Road music video………

“Dig” - Lance Bangs, Lance Mountain - EP (2016, Citrus City)

Reminds me of screamy jangly indie rock from the summer after my first year when I lived in a commune and got a stick and poke from a friend who was three mojitos deep. Also, Citrus City is awesome and we love to support VA labels!!

“Livin’ On a Prayer” - Bon Jovi, Slippery When Wet (1986, Vertigo)

Mostly putting this on here because it’s the ending soundtrack to a great little animated short film I watched recently called WORK (2009) by Michael Rianda. It’s a super 2009 short, but it’s fascinating because it feels like the aesthetic halfway point between Don Hertzfeldt’s Rejected (2000) and Bojack Horseman (2014-) style absurdity. It’s not the subtlest anti-capitalist cartoon out there, but it’s very cute and funny.

“20 Ghosts III” - Nine Inch Nails, Ghosts I-IV (2008, The Null Corporation)

Put this back to back with Bon Jovi because the weird guitar/vocal growls sound like the “Livin’ On a Prayer” digital doo-wops put through an insane pedal filter. Heard it for the first time when I was watching Laura Poitras’ documentary Citizenfour (2014) - she used it for the super haunting opening and closing scenes, and I can’t think of any better use for Trent Reznor’s sad garage dad phase guitar music.

“Guap” - Yaeji, Yaeji EP (2016, GODMODE)

No introduction necessary, hopefully. Gives me third year queer party vibes, and if you know what that means, congratulations. You’re part of an in-group now. Listen when you need subtle hype up music.

“Indica” - Dizzy Fae, Free Form Mixtape (2018, self-released)

When I showed a friend a picture of Dizzy Fae, their first response was that she’s probably from Amsterdam or Berlin or something and floats between secret clubs all week long before performing herself. She’s actually from Minnesota and is way younger than either of us assumed, so big ups to her for projecting the coolest vibes imaginable. Her vocal distortion is a little FKA Twigs, but she knows how to fuckin rap on the rest of the EP. Well worth a full listen.

“Flower Moon (feat. Steve Lacy)” - Vampire Weekend, Father of the Bride (2019, Columbia)

Best track on this new album, imo, but I can’t stop thinking about Vampire Weekend for a completely different reason. When this album came out, literally everyone was making fun of it for sounding like a Paul Simon redux. A lot of people praised it for the exact same reason lol. But Paul Simon’s relationship with cultural appropriation is a lot like Ezra Koenig’s, and not enough people have made that connection. Remember when Paul Simon broke the cultural boycott with Apartheid-era South Africa to make Graceland (1986)?? Everyone shit all over him for not only straight up taking South African music styles and centering himself in their vocal story, but doing it all in the midst of the largest cultural boycott in modern history. It’s a good album, I won’t pretend it’s not, but it’s deeply problematic and disappointed a lot of people who expected something better from a guy who knew what he was doing. Reminds me of 2008-2012 Vampire Weekend!! Anyway, listen to this track for Steve Lacy, if nothing else.

“Ur Phone” - boy pablo, Roy Pablo - EP (2017, self-released)

Another Youtube algorithm kid, boy pablo was in everyone’s feeds because this EP is the perfect summery shimmery gaze-y indie rock. His newer album is a little more uptempo than I personally like, but this track is *chef’s kiss*

“Can the Circle Be Unbroken” - The Carter Family, Can the Circle Be Unbroken: Country Music’s First Family (2000, Sony; original recording 1935)

Really not trying to wade into the country music discourse today, but this track is genuinely full of intense longing and sadness in a way that so clearly changed country/rock music and its relationship to the guitar.

“Before the World Was Big” - girlpool, Before the World Was Big (2015, Wichita)

Their new stuff fucking slaps, and seeing them come to terms with their gender identities is fucking beautiful!! But I always come back to these weird ass nursery rhymes. It’s literally just their harmonies and two guitars, and legend has it if you turn this up to full volume in your car and drive through your hometown, your unrequited high school crush will appear with their spouse and two kids just to rub it in.

“Vroom Vroom” - Charli XCX, Vroom Vroom - EP (2016, Vroom Vroom Recordings)

I mean. It’s Charli’s early work with SOPHIE, you’ve gotta just blast this shit and ruin someone’s life. The return to queer hyper pop over the past few years is the only thing sustaining my fucking mental health.

“Xternal Locus” - Chynna & Oklou, Single (2018, self-released)

Another track Lona played for me after I picked her up from work in DC. Lowkey enough to ***** to, highkey enough to **** to ;)

“Cinema” - Kero Kero Bonito, Totep - EP (2018, self-released)

KKB really did an about face with this record, but I still fucking love them. It’s still sunny and glittery pop, but with a chilled-out vibe. Their intense pop records are like the come up, and this is the chill smoke sesh the day after. Just vibey enough to let you chill out and kick back, but keeps you on your toes with some unexpected samples and glitchy moments.

“Jack the Ripper” - SadGirl, Breakfast for 2 - Single (2018, Suicide Squeeze)

We love surf rock, and that’s all I’m gonna say for this. You either vibe with it you’re bored as shit.

“watch you sleep.” - girl in red, Single (2019, self-released)

Music To Sleep To.

Playlists

[e8luhs]

HERE’S TO LIFE.

LISTEN ON SPOTIFY

TRACKLIST & ANNOTATIONS UNDER THE CUT! (last edited 04.18.19)

I. WALK, DON’T RUN / THE VENTURES

[instrumental]

II. SON OF A GUN / ERIC WILLIAM MORRIS

my favorite comic book, favorite comic book, favorite comic book about a guy whose hand's a hook, guy whose hand's a hook, guy whose hand's a hook and he's got blood on all his shirts, blood on all his shirts, blood on all his shirts cause everything he feels he hurts, things he feels he hurts, everything he hurts

III. ACTION MOVIE HERO BOY / LEMON DEMON

i gotta figure out where mommy keeps the dynamite i'll get some measuring tape so i can time it right i know it's dangerous, i know you're thinking i am a fool but it's the only chance i'll ever get to look so cool

IV. THE SHARK FIGHTER! / THE AQUABATS!

i gots me a knife, a bandanna and a topaz necklace yeah, i'm extremely reckless: i ride an otter like a motorcycle! yeah, i'm not kidding, man! yeah, i'm not kidding, man! i’m not kidding, man! you know i’m just a... shark fighter, toughest man in the sea! shark fighter, with his wavy blond hair flowing so freely

V. MR. REBEL / THE SURFARIS

[instrumental]

VI. KING OF THE BEACH / WAVVES

let the sun burn my eyes let it burn my back at the beach in my dreams but you still...

VII. FEEL IT STILL / PORTUGAL. THE MAN

ooh woo, i'm a rebel just for kicks, now i been feeling it since 1966, now might be over now, but i feel it still

VIII. HATE TO SAY I TOLD YOU SO / THE HIVES

do what i want 'cause i can, and if i don't because i wanna be ignored by the stiff and the bored, because i'm gonna spit and retrieve 'cause i give and receive because i want to gonna get through your head, what the mystery man said because i'm gonna

IX. PIZZA HEROES / LEMON DEMON

when you need a disk of oven baked bliss (we always deliver!) 24-hour pizza pie power (we always deliver!) rain or shine (aaaah!) sleet or snow (aaaah!)

X. KIDS / MGMT

control yourself take only what you need from it a family of trees wanting to be haunted

XI. HOTTO DOGGU / SHAWN WASABI

[instrumental]

XII. WAVEFORMS / DJANGO DJANGO

touch it, break it, shake it, yeah take it apart and break it, yeah try to rearrange it, yeah couldn't recreate it, yeah

XIII. DIVE / COAST MODERN

sunrise over my shoulder, reflected in your eyes untied, we do what we wanna drifting in the wind, don't know where this will end up there's a fire in my head going wild over things we did can't believe it, am i dreaming i just feel like, this ain't real life, whoa

XIV. POPPIN’ A WHEELIE! / THE AQUABATS!

i like long walks on the beach and i like the feel of sand on my feet yeah i like nature just fine from time to time i like those video games and i like most airplanes and trains i like nice weather but there’s something so much better

XV. SECRET AGENT MAN / THE VENTURES

[instrumental]

XVI. BONETROUSLE / TOBY FOX

[instrumental]

XVII. THE ULTIMATE SHOWDOWN OF ULTIMATE DESTINY / LEMON DEMON

this is the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny good guys, bad guys, and explosions as far as the eye can see and only one will survive, i wonder who it will be this is the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny

XVIII. WE DIDN’T START THE FIRE / BILLY JOEL

we didn't start the fire it was always burning since the world's been turning we didn't start the fire no we didn't light it but we tried to fight it

XIX. THE THREE OF US / STREETLIGHT MANIFESTO

i will never defend the men who make amends with any enemy’s friends, i will never pretend i will never bow down to another man even when everyone’s saying i’ve sinned, i will never repent

XX. ABRASIVE

[instrumental]

XXI. 10,000 EMERALD POOLS / BORNS

i'll make a living, trying to get away ten thousand fathoms, under a tidal wave it can never pull me away no way

XXII. KISS / PRINCE

ain't no particular sign I'm more compatible with i just want your extra time and your kiss

XXIII. SUMMERTIME CLOTHES / ANIMAL COLLECTIVE

it covers my rest with a saccharine sheen kissing the wind through my window screen the restlessness calls us, that i cannot hide so much on my mind that it spills outside

XXIV. SPICY BOYFRIEND / SHAWN WASABI

[instrumental]

XXV. FIRELIGHT / KUBBI

[instrumental]

XXVI. GOLDEN SKANS / KLAXONS

light touched my hands in a dream of golden skans from now on, you can forget all future plans night touched my hands with the turning, golden skans from the night to the light, all plans are golden in your hands

XXVII. HAWAII FIVE-O / THE VENTURES

[instrumental]

XXVIII. WOLF LIKE ME / TV ON THE RADIO

my mind has changed my body's frame, but, God, I like it my heart's aflame my body's strained, but, God, I like it

XXIX. EASY TIGER / PORTUGAL. THE MAN

but it's hard to see clouds when you're 6 feet underground keep building a house then tearing it down

XXX. THE END OF YOU TOO / METRONOMY

[instrumental]

XXXI. MASTERPIECE THEATRE III / MARIANAS TRENCH

i got a new disease in me i got a friend that's losing sleep i take it hard, it's hard to take i'm wide awake i'm wide awake

XXXII. HOW FAR WE’VE COME / MATCHBOX TWENTY

i'm waking up at the start of the end of the world, but its feeling just like every other morning before, now i wonder what my life is going to mean if it's gone the cars are moving like a half a mile an hour and i started staring at the passengers who're waving goodbye can you tell me what was ever really special about me all this time?

XXXIII. LOST IT TO TRYING / SON LUX

what will we do now? we've lost it to trying we've lost it to trying

XXXIV. BURN YOUR LIFE DOWN / BLEACHERS

you lay awake in the night, just staring at the ceiling above pulling pieces of it out is such a waste of time keep on fighting to remember that nothing is lost in the end when you burn, burn, burn your life down

XXXV. CONTENT / JOYWAVE

i'm searching for the difference between what content and content can bring maybe they're no different 'cause they look the same maybe i'm just an algorithm with a given name but trying to find the difference

XXXVI. BLOODFLOOD / ALT-J

a wave, an awesome wave that rushes skin and widens in flooded veins breathe in, exhale i’ve poked a nerve; he’ll slap me like a whale

XXXVII. DOUSED / DIIV

now you've gone so far, you really had to get away you knew it in your lifetime running to it acting like you've come so far, the bed you made yourself, and this house, and me, are all falling apart

XXXVIII. LABYRINTH / MIRACLE MUSICAL

in the rear, i can see the beast getting close surrounded by ghosts in a cloud of smoke the smoke reeks of failure, i don't want to fail but all the stairwells lead straight to hell

XXXIX. APOCALYPSE DREAMS / TAME IMPALA

are you too terrified to try your best? just to end up with an educated guess like success like those times you wake up mystified

XL. CONSTANT CONVERSATIONS / PASSION PIT

now you're standing in the kitchen, and you're pouring out my drink well there's a very obvious difference, and it's that one of us can think if there's a bump in the road yeah you'd fix it, but for me i'll just run off the road but tonight you've got me cornered, and i haven't got a place to go

XLI. TONGUES / JOYWAVE

the palms are down, i'm welcomed back to town sometimes i feel like they don't understand me i hear their mouths making foreign sounds sometimes i think they're all just speaking tongues

XLII. KINDA BONKERS / ANIMAL COLLECTIVE

i'm tryna reach out to you yes, i'm talking to you, you're the one in the room we'll share a moment, let's meet we're a fire with heat you didn't know, not me we all start suddenly and get carried so far away

XLIII. DIVINA / TORO Y MOI

[instrumental]

XLIV. ARE YOU WHAT YOU WANT TO BE? / FOSTER THE PEOPLE

with all these things i wait for revelation these things make me want to duck for cover with all these things i wait for revolution these things ask the biggest question to me and it's are you what you want to be... so are you what you want to be?

XLV. GUYS EYES / ANIMAL COLLECTIVE

so i used my mind and i used my hand it was what i want to do i really don't know what to do if my body should want to what i want

XLVI. THE SUBURBS (CONTINUED) / ARCADE FIRE

if i could have it back all the time that we wasted i’d only waste it again

XLVII. TERATOLOGY / THE PHYSICS HOUSE BAND

[instrumental]

XLVIII. WAVES / PORTUGAL. THE MAN

no one cares about the waves at the bottom of the ocean and at the bottom of the ocean it's always blue no one will remember cause nothing lasts forever and everybody's looking for somebody to use

XLIX. A MOMENT OF SILENCE / STREETLIGHT MANIFESTO

so tell me: how long do you think you can go before you lose it all? before they call your bluff and watch you fall? i don't know, but i'd like to think i had control at some point, but i let it go and lost my soul sit tight, but the revolution's years away i'm losing faith and i'm running low on things to say so, i guess i have no choice but to regurgitate the tired anthem of a loser and a hypocrite

L. SUPERMAN / GOLDFINGER

i'm trying to keep the ground on my feet it seems the world is falling down around me the nights are long i'm singing this song to try and make the answers more than maybe

LI. BELIEVE / THE BRAVERY

so give me something to believe 'cause i am living just to breathe and i need something more to keep on breathing for so give me something to believe

LII. IS THIS IT / THE STROKES

is this it... is this it?

LIII. WATCH IT CRASH / TOH KAY

we can't just blame it on our mothers claim everything they did was always wrong and there ain't not turning back when our train is off its track and there's nothing we can do but watch it crash and there ain't no right and wrong when we know it won't be long and there's nothing we can do but watch it crash

LIV. THE MALL AND MISERY / BROKEN BELLS

i know what I know, but nothing will fill the hole so let your mind go (let my mind go) straight down the runway does one want to get more used to, the mall and misery? (the mall and the misery) the dead mouths it costs to be alive

LV. SICKOS / HARLEM SHAKES

if there's a bomb in your hand, just throw it if the ground's too hot, just run this place is filled with sickos! this place is filled with sickos!

LVI. THE GREAT ESCAPE / WE ARE SCIENTISTS

i'm making my escape, making my escape tell myself that everything's in shape everything's in shape, but me how long can we stay, how long can we stay? tell myself that everything is great everything is great, well how am i doing?

LVII. DIAMOND HEAD / THE SURFARIS

[instrumental]

LVIII. SAVE YOURSELF ILL HOLD THEM BACK / MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE

we could leave this world, leave it all behind we could steal this car if your folks don't mind we could live forever if you've got the time, oh, oh, oh

LIX. UNREST IN THE HOUSE OF LIGHT / THE PROTOMEN

a time is coming, and i must warn you though it's something that you may not understand, they can't be saved by just one man and I am sorry, because i was wrong and I'd take away the weight his shoulders had to bear, because when he fell i was the only one that cared you need to know, you are not him, his fight's not yours!

LX. WILL DO / TV ON THE RADIO

anytime will do, my love anytime will do, no choice of words will break me from this rule anytime will do, my love anytime will do, what choice of words will take me back to you?

LXI. HUGGIN & KISSIN / BIG BLACK DELTA

pushing and shoving, hugging and kissing all of the time all over again

LXII. TRAINWRECK 1979 / DEATH FROM ABOVE 1979

so now i follow it around the world i can’t keep up the story never ends as long as we have blood and cuts

LXIII. INACTION / WE ARE SCIENTISTS

counting on my relative friends when this keeps coming up again and again if everybody knows how it's gonna end why doesn't someone stop me?

LXIV. AMERICAN HERO / RAINBOW KITTEN SURPRISE

i would do anything to hear you say “there goes an american hero”, darling call the press and tell 'em all "he's got a front page picture face with all of the amenities”

LXV. GHOULS / WE ARE SCIENTISTS

can't help but feel attacked, what's that supposed to mean? i know i won't relax or act like it's no big deal this happens all the time, it's kind of our routine but we all recognize that i'm the problem here

LXVI. VIOLET RAYS / THE SMASHING PUMPKINS

spells fall frail webs catching sail in eternal eternities divine purpose catching free

LXVII. CARRY ME / JOYWAVE

tonight, i think i might explode yeah, nothing's right, nothing's right comfort me until the sun arrives

LXVIII. BAMBI / TOKYO POLICE CLUB

i wanna tell you there's a really good reason why i came down easy, spinning threads to your throne a tiny kingdom at the bottom of the trees where i was always a winner and i was barely alone

LXIX. WETSUIT / THE VACCINES

if at some point we all succumb for goodness sake, let us be young 'cause time gets harder to outrun, and i'm nobody, i'm not done with a cool, cool breeze and dirty knees, i rest on childhood memories we all got old at breakneck speed slow it down, go easy on me

LXX. AFRICA / TOTO

the wild dogs cry out in the night as they grow restless, longing for some solitary company i know that i must do what's right as sure as Kilimanjaro rises like olympus above the serengeti i seek to cure what's deep inside, frightened of this thing that i've become

LXXI. THE HOUSE OF THE RISING SUN / THE ANIMALS

oh mother, tell your children not to do what i have done spend your lives in sin and misery in the house of the rising sun

LXXII. THE OTHER SIDE / WOODKID

boy i was shaped for the fury now i pay the price of the human race's vice and i was promised the glorious ending of a knight but the crown is out of sight

LXXIII. RIDING THE FOURTH WAVE / STREETLIGHT MANIFESTO

[instrumental]

LXXIV. 4TH DIMENSIONAL TRANSITION / MGMT

i feel your racing heart, my liquid silver arms extended these waves aren't far apart black gold in claw foot tubs, unchanging i am fire, where's my form? whisper crimson, i intrude there's light beneath your eyes new overtones in view endless form, endless time

LXXV. I CAN TALK / TWO DOOR CINEMA CLUB

now i can talk, no one gets off (i know how you like to) now i can talk, no one gets off

LXXVI. ATOMIC MAN / PORTUGAL. THE MAN

after you, i don't know what i believe in after you, hell should be easy after you, i don't know what i believe in after you, hell would be easier

LXXVII. GRAVITYS RAINBOW / KLAXONS

come with me, come with me, we'll travel to infinity come with me, come with me, we'll travel to infinity i'll always be there, oh, oh, my future love i'll always be there for you, my future love

LXXVIII. NECKBRACE / RATATAT

[instrumental]

LXXIX. WALK TALL / KELE

rule number one, be bright like the sun whether rude, whether flawed, like it's just begun rule number one, be the only thing they see

LXXX. THE WILL OF ONE / THE PROTOMEN

as i walk through the city streets, these frightened people watching me pass there is an evil that holds them here, yet they won't try breaking its grasp but if i stay here with you then i will leave them to their doom

LXXXI. FUCKING LIFER / AND SO I WATCH YOU FROM AFAR

[instrumental]

LXXXII. LETS GO HOME / BIG BLACK DELTA

so let's go home, let's go home let's go home, and you will never be alone

LXXXIII. BEACH BOY / AMINE

who knows what the future holds? i don't, if the truth be told they say "play it safe, young soul" fuck that, i'mma take control

LXXXIV. I BELIEVE IT NOW / EVERYTHING EVERYTHING

is this the place where all our hopes and dreams are piled and burnt? into the waters slide into the flames i'm light but they're watching us lift off, as the chasms open up, it took me a century but i'm starting with tonight

LXXXV. DON’T WASTE TIME DOING THINGS YOU HATE / AND SO I WATCH YOU FROM AFAR

[instrumental]

LXXXVI. DO IT ANYWAYS / BEN FOLDS FIVE

sometimes it's not subjective: wrong and right deep down you know it's downright wrong but you're invincible tonight so you, do it anyway it's done, you did it

LXXXVII. THIS YEAR / THE MOUNTAIN GOATS

i am going to make it through this year if it kills me i am going to make it through this year if it kills me

LXXXVIII. LIGHT UP THE NIGHT / THE PROTOMEN

there is a city that this darkness can't hide there are the embers of a fire that's gone out, but i can still feel the heat on my skin this mess we're in, well you and i, maybe you and i, we can still make it right

LXXXIX. BEAUTIFULUNIVERSEMASTERCHAMPION / AND SO I WATCH YOU FROM AFAR

[instrumental]

XC. BELIEVER / IMAGINE DRAGONS

first things first i'mma say all the words inside my head i'm fired up and tired of the way that things have been, the way that things have been second thing second don't you tell me what you think that i can be i'm the one at the sail, I'm the master of my sea, the master of my sea

XCI. WE WILL FALL TOGETHER / STREETLIGHT MANIFESTO

and when we fall we will fall together no one will catch us so we'll catch ourselves and when we roam we will roam forever no one will understand what we meant

XCII. BARE MY BONES / BRONTIDE

[instrumental]

XCIII. AMY AKA SPENT GLADIATOR 1 / THE MOUNTAIN GOATS

play with matches if you think you need to play with matches seek out the hidden places where the fire burns hot and bright find where the heat's unbearable and stay there if you have to don't hurt anybody on your way up to the light

XCIV. IF IT AIN’T BROKE... BREAK IT / AND SO I WATCH YOU FROM AFAR

[instrumental]

XCV. FALCON JAB / RATATAT

[instrumental]

XCVI. IT’S ALRIGHT / MOTHER MOTHER

oh hey, i had a night i had a day i did one million stupid things i said one billion foolish things i'm not okay, I got a baseball bat beside my bed to fight off what's inside my head, to fight off what's behind my meds i'm lonely; lost in pain

XCVII. WHITE WHALE / EVERYTHING EVERYTHING

your love is like the white whale my finger's on the third rail i want you to be okay i want us to be okay

XCVIII. EVERLONG / FOO FIGHTERS

and i wonder, if everything could ever feel this real forever if anything could ever be this good again the only thing i'll ever ask of you you got to promise not to stop when i say when

XCIX. THANKS. THANKS FOR COMING / JOYWAVE

i could get used to these endless possibilities adrenaline for dinner means a headache that the morning brings

C. HERE’S TO LIFE / STREETLIGHT MANIFESTO

and i don't know much, but i do know this: with a golden heart comes a rebel fist but i can't help agreeing with those that would not quit