#i know im speaking into a void but i want to yell this from the fuckin rooftops

[musetrait]

also now that i’m back (allegedly) i’m proud to tell you that i’m a little over 1,5 years sober!!

[maaarshieee]

HEYYYY HOW ARE UU??

scaramouche for COMING HOME AHAJAJSH imagine his annoyance

-weekly anon

✩‧₊˚ COMING HOME ✧.*

𓆩✧𓆪 Kunikuzushi/Scaramouche/Wanderer x Gn!Reader ࿐

𓆩✧𓆪 1.ok words ┊ Reverse hurt/comfort ࿐

𓆩✧𓆪 Event post | Event Masterlist ࿐

message from the stars ☆༉

WEEKLY ANON OMG HI!! TY FOR PARTICIPATING! missing you <333 ive been doing great!! im very excited for his event ^^ you're the first to send a request AHHAHSHSA,,not me thinking what to write when i have exams AGAIN next week <3 hope you like this!! have a good day/night! also this... went on a diff direction than i intended... manifesting for everyone who wants wanderer to get him!! good luck <33

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ cw: brief mentions of being stuck in a void so kuni panics a bit and gets rlly angry

To reach beyond the stars, past Celestia, was impossible for the Wanderer.

He may have received an Anemo Vision, but it is not enough to break the barrier that separates him from the world that resides behind it, a world where you existed. Every time he looks above the skies at times when you were idle, murmuring softly to his ears yet your will for him to do anything, such as fighting Hilichurls or completing commissions, doesn't take over, allowing him to do whatever he'd like, he would be thinking about you.

What do you look like? Are you perhaps taller? Or shorter than him? What is the complexion of your skin? The colors of your eyes? The length of your hair? He yearns for answers to questions that will never be heard, all because his voice could never reach above the stars. Just who is the person that owns the soothing voice that only speaks to him?

The voice that comes and goes like him, like the wind. A gentle breeze that makes his hair flutter, kissing his skin and slipping past his fingertips. A voice that one day appeared during his endeavors in Mondstadt, which was odd since it was during his first meeting with the Honorary Knight of the Knights of Favonious, the Traveler, and hasn't left him ever since.

Then, when he awoke from his slumber after being defeated by the Traveler and was finally free from the restraint of his past, your voice grew louder. And oh, how melodious it was to his ears. You sang nothing but praises and encouragement as he used Anemo to take down his enemies, spoiling him with luck and guidance to achieve greater strengths he could have never acquired before without you.

With a hand outstretched toward the stars he once admired, forever twinkling in the vast and infinite darkness of space, forming shapes to lead those who are lost back into the path they strayed from, he wishes upon a shooting star; to give him a chance.

A chance to get to know you, to see your face... or at least know the name of the person who spoke nothing but promises of loyalty and adoration. If only...

Closing his hand into a fist, Kunikuzushi continued on his path, figures of the little fae named Paimon, and the Traveler, not too far away from him. Both waved at him, yelling at him to hurry up.

He scoffed, but he can't bring himself to stop the growing smile on his lips.

As Scaramouche, he would've loathed you more. For being so damn unreachable, for making him crave a feeling he's only felt from you, for not hearing his words. But now, as the Wanderer? A free man?

Well, he could only hope. Hope that one day, in his travels around Teyvat as his new self, he could reach you.

The last thing the Wanderer could remember was a bright, empty flash of white.

His memories were blurry beforehand, but he was definitely sure that he, the Traveler, and Paimon visited Nahida before moving onwards to Fontaine.

Now, he was stuck in an empty void of white. No sound could be heard, nor feel a molecule of air. Gravity, time, space— it was as if everything that existed ceased to exist.

But what scared him the most? You disappeared. The sense of serenity that would follow him no matter where he went had vanished, as if the string that tied you both together has been severed.

So he shed tears like never before. Tears wet his clothing, streaming down his cheeks, all the way to his chin. He wailed though there was no one to hear his misery.

Yet another betrayal.

How foolish of him to trust you— a mere faceless, disembodied voice that appeared out of nowhere and clung to him like a bothersome insect that refused to drift away.

Lies. Your words were nothing but lies, pouring into his hollow body and waiting to topple over, just waiting for him to realize that it was nothing but filth that came from your invisible lips.

Yet try as he might, tears endlessly flowed. No matter how hard he wiped them away, or quiet himself from screaming once more, he continued to lament the loss of everything he knew of. Stuck in a void, he grits his teeth as he began to choke on his own cries, clutching his hat so hard it almost breaks.

He was too caught up in his grief that he hadn't realized that his surroundings gradually formed. What once an empty space of nothingness, turned into a... room? Filled with foreign objects, never to be seen in Teyvat.

Only when he heard a silent call of his name, accompanied by a breathless gasp and the loud shattering of a glass object, splashes of water reaching his porcelain skin, was he snapped out of his pain-stricken stupor.

"Scaramouche?"

Similar to the first time he's heard your voice, something in his chest thrummed, as if he had a heart. Though his vision was blurry from his tears, he couldn't help but let out another sob as he finally laid his eyes on you.

So, it wasn't betrayal, wasn't it?

Even in a confused state, you were quick to respond. Getting down on your knees whilst he crumpled to the ground, you brushed your fingers against his cheek, wiping away his tears, but then flinched back. Perhaps you've realized who he was, for he was sure that you knew him a lot, maybe even more than himself.

Scaramouche. Kunikuzushi. Wanderer. The person you've guided in countless adventures, cheered him on in numerous battles and favored him even if he was stained with unsightly vile. A puppet.

When Scaramouche grabbed your wrist, gentle and cautious not to hurt you, he let out a desperate whimper for your touch. He couldn't bring himself to speak, voice broken from hours and hours of cries that were swallowed in the void. But he pulled you close, to feel more of your serene presence, to finally experience the warmth you gave from your voice up close.

And it only felt natural when you wrapped your arms around him, stroking his hair and cooing in his ear. He wept for god knows how long on your shoulder, but you hadn't minded. You never did, you always cared for him so much.

Even if you're mere strangers, even if this was your first meeting... Being in each other's arms only felt natural.

Not when you've yearned for one another across the barrier that separated you.

If you want to be tagged for future updates on this event, please fill out this form! Remember that usernames are only lowercase and have no spaces!

Taglist: @louise-rosita-leroux

- ̥۪͙۪˚┊❛❛ If you like this a lot, consider reblogging! I'll appreciate it very very much! Don't repost and/or translate my work anywhere. ❜❜ ┊˚ ̥۪͙۪◌

[starfanatic]

Chamber of Reflection pt.1

Relationship: (Platonic) Zeus & Ares

Summary: Zeus thought about it for a moment. He loved Ares, in his own special way. He was disturbed by his violence, but fascinated by the skills it took to execute his aggression. He hated how much Ares looked like him, but loved how much he looked like his mother. His feelings for Ares were complicated.

It wasn’t complicated for Apollo.

Anyone who harmed Apollo would face the wrath of Zeus.

Apollo was kind where Ares was cruel. Apollo’s smile was infectious to many, his rays were warm and gentle. Zeus’ pride never faltered when he thought of Apollo. All the endless victories Apollo achieved were Zeus’ achievements, because he made this wonderful boy and only his mother could say the same. It wasn’t quite the same with Ares. He loved Ares like a father was forced to love a child. Zeus doubts he would care for Ares if he wasn’t his son, but he would love Apollo no matter the circumstances. It’s just not the same.

It never will be.

OR

Ares is more psychologically damaged by the jar incident then in canon, and Zeus has to pick up all the pieces for a son he hardly knows.

Author's Note: IM INTENDING to have 2-3 parts, and I'm also posting this on ao3! I have a feeling this won't get attention, but I'm excited for Poseidon, HESTIA, baby Apollo & Artemis, and... Cronos. Also disclaimer that some of this isn't completely accurate to greek mythology, but if you have any sort of advice to give I'm happy to receive.

Zeus wasn’t sure at first who he was looking at when he entered the healing chamber.

Yes, it was Ares.

But it also wasn’t. Something was horribly wrong.

Zeus swallowed an uncomfortable lump in his throat, the lingering defeat in the air making him want to vomit. Ares was no stranger to defeat, Zeus even used to find it laughable when Ares tried to challenge someone more powerful and lose terribly. Ares' nature called for losses, but this defeat seemed to change him in a way Zeus didn’t like.

Ares’ chest stuttered as he breathed, like even breathing was an incredible struggle for him. Something that was meant to be natural, especially for a god.

It took a few moments for Ares to notice someone else was in the room, but when he did he stared at Zeus like he hardly believed he was there.

Zeus speaks first because he had a feeling Ares wasn’t going to. “Apollo informed me that you have been… difficult while he’s trying to heal you. Why?”

No response.

“Answer me when I’m speaking to you-” Ares finally looks back up to him, but not with the anger Zeus expected. He wanted Ares to yell in his face, for once. It felt strange to see his eldest son without that passionate fire in his eyes–it was like staring into a blank void. Zeus cut eye contact from Ares, uselessly staring at the wall.

“Why are you here?” Ares asks. His voice is small and quiet, almost like how Zeus would expect a mouse to sound like.

“I want you to accept your medicine. You’re neglecting your duties, your mother is worried about you. This has gone on for long enough” Zeus says. Ares stares at Zeus for a moment, like he was picking him apart in his head.

“Were you not worried?” Ares asks. He speaks as if it hurts him to do so. Now that Zeus thinks of it, it probably does.

Even more awkwardness is pumped in the air the longer Zeus hesitates to answer, because he wasn’t sure if he even felt any genuine concern until now.

“I was worried.” Zeus responds, but he already knows he sounds flat and dishonest.

“Then where in the name of your big brother were you?” Ares sits up with some difficulty, letting out a strong breath when he accidentally puts pressure on one of his injuries. Zeus doesn’t move to help him.

“They used to worry whether one of the Olympians would come down when they first captured me. Didn’t want the wrath of the King of the Gods did they? But after 5 months they realized I wasn’t going to be saved anytime soon, they started to treat me like a playtoy. Wanted to see what ichor looked like splattered on the wall. Or whether a god will stitch itself together after being pulled apart. Simpler experiments, they wanted to see how long I could survive without breath or food. They were a bit upset when Hermes and Artemis came, I believe. They were waiting for me to end my pain of starvation and resort to cannibalism. I used to feel comfort during storms because I thought that meant you were coming to save me… and you never did.” Ares was never shy to violence, but the simple recollection of his torture didn’t feel right to Zeus. It made him feel even more sick that the giants were right.

“We tried to save you as soon as we knew. I would’ve come down myself if it was necessary.”

“And it wasn’t? Would it have been necessary if it was Apollo? If Apollo was stuck in a jar, are you telling me you wouldn’t have demolished the giants with your mighty bolts?” Ares looks curiously at Zeus, wide eyes almost like a child but lacking the innocence that is supposed to come hand in hand.

Zeus thought about it for a moment. He loved Ares, in his own special way. He was disturbed by his violence, but fascinated by the skills it took to execute his aggression. He hated how much Ares looked like him, but loved how much he looked like his mother. His feelings for Ares were complicated.

It wasn’t complicated for Apollo.

Anyone who harmed Apollo would face the wrath of Zeus.

Apollo was kind where Ares was cruel. Apollo’s smile was infectious to many, his rays were warm and gentle. Zeus’ pride never faltered when he thought of Apollo. All the endless victories Apollo achieved were Zeus’ achievements, because he made this wonderful boy and only his mother could say the same. It wasn’t quite the same with Ares. He loved Ares like a father was forced to love a child. Zeus doubts he would care for Ares if he wasn’t his son, but he would love Apollo no matter the circumstances. It’s just not the same.

It never will be.

“No answer? The magnificent Zeus has no answer? Coward. You’re a fucking coward-”

“I didn’t come here to hear you whine about your brother again. At the end of the day, you can point fingers but this is the result of your own foolishness. You decided to fight not one, but two giants and for what? You are not the victim here.” Zeus’ hands tightened in fists as he looked upon his son–his arrogant son who was laughing in his face.

“Are you fucking kidding me? You sound more upset about me mentioning your favoritism to the bastard-”

“Don’t call him that.” Zeus warns.

“-than me being tortured! If you think you care about me, you’re deluding yourself. Maybe you need your ‘god of truth’ son to figure that out.” Ares expected Zeus to grab him and smack him around, or even just simply yell at Ares until his eardrums bleed. What he didn’t expect was for Zeus to start laughing. Ares laughs during arguments, not Zeus.

It wasn’t unsettling for the King of Olympus.

“I tried to be patient with you, but as usual, you tested me. What do you want me to say to you? That I wish you were something I could be proud of? Or that I wish you were a person capable of being liked? All you do is give reasons to make people hate you. You throw insults at your siblings any chance you get, and when you get humbled you throw tantrums that you expect me to handle. Have you ever wondered why hardly anyone on Olympus wants to be around you?”

“Where do you think I learned it from? My anger is your anger. My hatred is your hatred. Everything you hate about me came from you.” Zeus’ face was practically boiling hot at this rate, and without realizing it, he punched at the wall right near Ares’ head. Ares glanced at the damaged wall near his head and back at his father, raising an eyebrow at Zeus.

“Do you see what you do to people? You provoke them to the point of anger, and you like that don’t you? It doesn’t matter, because I’m sick of speaking to you, and I’m definitely sick of babying you. If I find out you’re refusing medicine again, I’ll add more injuries to match the rest of you. Do you understand me?” Ares stubbornly doesn’t respond, lightly tracing the edge of the fist-shaped hole in front of his face. It’s like he was fascinated with the uncontrollable anger Zeus feels around him.

No surprise there.

“I never understand you, Zeus.” Ares admitted. “I don’t think I ever will.”

“I know something you do understand. Violence. That’s what you like?” Zeus snatched Ares’ finger, bending it back at an unnatural angle. Ares stared down Zeus, as he wasn’t expecting to follow through with it.

“You will stop rejecting Apollo’s medicine. You will eat, sleep, do whatever is necessary to get better. I don’t care who or what you’re doing it for, but you will do it. I will not come back in here because next time I will bring the thunderbolt. Is that clear?” Zeus says.

“You wouldn’t do it. Mom would find a way to kill you again.”

“I’ve angered her before. She’ll get over it like she always does.” Zeus knows she will never get over it. She would unleash her fury upon anyone, even the undeserving, if Zeus even attempted to raise his thunderbolt against his son. No matter how much he hated it, Hera loved her son unconditionally.

“What a good husband you are. All the bastards running around Mount Olympus, and you want to smite the only legitimate son you have.” Ares notes.

Zeus hated Ares’ attitude.

He hated how bratty Ares was, how Hera constantly pestered him about Ares.

How Ares would run to Poseidon as a kid, as if Poseidon was somehow better than him.

How Ares continues to hurt innocent people in some misguided attempt of release

About how much he should care about a kid who can hardly respect him.

He hated how confident Ares was that Zeus wouldn’t hurt him.

And with a sickening crunch that made Zeus feel nauseous, Ares’ pointer finger is crushed by the strength of Zeus.

More pain shoots up Ares' finger as Zeus tightens his grip, putting even more intense pressure on the injured finger. Ares of course cries out in pain, but Zeus fails to listen. He completely tuned Ares' voice from his head.

Ares was actually crying now, the first time Zeus saw him cry in years. The tears brought on a sense of nostalgia, back when Ares was a kid. Every injury was life altering, any wrong choice of words would make Ares tremble and sob.

What a sensitive kid he used to be then.

He looked like his mother now more than ever, and Zeus was reminded why he hated seeing Hera cry. Ares’ eyes were like the stars that litter the dark sky, and it was heartbreaking and beautiful all at once.

Ares was used to pain, especially now. Zeus crushing his finger was miniscule to the pain he’s used to receiving.

It wasn’t the pain that brought tears to Ares’ eyes, it was the fact that Zeus was the one inflicting it.

Zeus couldn’t look him in the eyes anymore, and instead looked down at the hand he was holding. They were healed scars all around the palm of his hand, very little faint lines that were hard to see. This must have been from when he was far younger than what he is now. Ares tried ripping his hand out of Zeus’ grip, but Zeus was always stronger than him. Eventually Ares gave up and decided to just close his fist as much as he could, hiding the scars from Zeus’ view. Zeus didn’t really understand why Ares was so adamant on hiding his scars, when he usually shows his scars off like some trophy. Then again, he never really understood Ares.

Zeus pried open Ares’ palm and picked out another finger. “Please just do what I say, don’t argue.” Zeus begged with his eyes for Ares to not be stubborn, so he won’t have to hurt him again.

He didn’t like who he became when he was around Ares.

“Okay.” Ares speaks finally. Zeus can finally breathe again, but he doesn’t feel relieved. What’s been done is done.

Zeus lets go of Ares’ hands, and it drops like deadweight. Ares won’t stop looking at him, and Zeus couldn’t handle it. He walks away from Ares, stopping at the doorway.

A chill fills the room as Zeus pauses, searching through his mind what he could say.

“Feel Better.” He says, before leaving Ares to his own devices.

It felt like a threat.

[kats-kradle]

rant

losing my mind. it’s the last week of my classes and im so close to the end but on Saturday ive got a concert. not really a concert it’s like band/concert my violin teacher teaches a TON of instruments and every six months all the students perform songs together its a blast. im so stressed its unreal because the week before the last one my violin hairs just like BROKE and i had to scramble to last minute get it fixed. so im super paranoid that it’s gonna happen again like i think it’s just my imagination but I can feel the hairs going again. its also almost the recital at the dance studio I work at. i heard through the grapevine that some of the other teachers don’t think I’m strict enough with my kids but like. the kids in question are 5. they gotta be a lil squirmy and crazy if you want them to listen. so stressed that they’re gonna be absolutely bonkers and make the other teachers think i can’t control them. my mom is frustrated with her weight and she keeps yelling at me because of it. i love her but i don’t like being the target of her anger for no reason. she’ll just start yelling at me about nothing with no warning and it really puts me on edge around her because i don’t know what she’s gonna do. also triggering because my dad was verbally abusive. my room is a mess. my adhd is bad. im still recovering from my concussion so i can’t write for more than like 20 min before i get a headache. im so bad at speaking spanish which is a problem because i got to a latino church. i worry that im an intrusion but we’ve been there a year and everyones said multiple times how much they love us. i feel the need to show them ive improved since ive joined. im so stressed about being perfect because im so used to having consequences if im not. when my parents divorced my dad tried to take homeschooling away from my mom by using my bad grade as proof in court that she shouldn’t be teaching me and my sisters. do you know what that does to a kid?? 12 years old and having to know that your inadequacy could take you and your sisters away from your mom. every time i got a bad grade i knew he was using it to hurt my mom. let me tell you that’s SO MUCH PRESSURE😭 i started cheating in high school. i stopped by my senior year and i don’t anymore but i never know if all my A’s are because im smart or because it was essentially beaten into me that people got hurt when i didn’t do well. i keep having to telling myself “no one will get hurt if you don’t do perfect” and “there’s no consequences for not being perfect.” I finished a novella a wrote by accident and i want to publish it but i don’t know where to start. my older sister told me she’s a little jealous of me because she’s always had the goal to write but she threw herself into her education first. she’s overcompensating for her jealousy by offering me advice that she doesn’t know how to give and trying to be nit picky trying to make my story “perfect.” im so so tired of people trying to make me perfect im so tired of nothing i do being enough. can’t it just BE.

anyways i need to have serious prayer time and give this to the Lord but it felt good to scream into the void.

[who-is-shades]

raz dnd 33

theres a knock at the door. being summoned by the archfey. parsley dont make it difficult shes gonna kill us. this can only go well. shes still only speaking sylvain fucker. she'll repair his wings in exchange to keeping him here, fucker. she'll also void teya's contract wtf.

raz you know the dm isnt supposed to win yeah? i hate lawyers.

parsley plays dumb about teya xD hes contractionally to leave. he will die. 'you can be easily resurrected.' he says shes not dear to him. hate her ass! stop looking at teya! you can keep the mom pretend teya isnt here. WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE JAR IS BREAKING?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU NEED 3 MORE KIDS?! SUNNIE?!?!?! WEVE BEEN HERE A WEEK?!

parsley says its debatable if shes teya. technically teya is now a clone so. like. she accepts this but uhhh. is the plan to. kill sunnie? senna can only rez him within a minute with physical touch. shes taunting teya fucker. parsley fills the rest of us in on this shit. NO YOU CANT KEEP SUNNIE YOU FUCKER.

teya, dont hidden step. their gonna hurt sunnie if she keeps being a little shit. ngl this isnt fun. um yeah. headspace having bad time.

teya puts on an act to beg queen bitch to let her hug sunnie goodbye. epic fail. parsley jumps in and says "shes a mundane what could it hurt." teya puts on the sniffles and the queen allows it while insulting parsley.

teya uses feign death on him and he collapses on her. the guards yank her away and he just drops to the ground. queen has an eye twitch haha. since hes of no use she just. blows teyas mom away and says the contract was a waste xD.

shit she wants the body why. she gives up the body nice. zen really believes sunnie is dead :( teya didnt tell us anything xD wheatley tells parsley we should just go were not getting help here. parsley asks what she even wants from having him back here. making up for the failed marriage for one. and keep him here, like whatever lady.

parsley thinks theres a way they can both get what they want. 'im listening~' fix his wings and let him kill zorbolt, he will come back and make up for what he did. NOT staying, but they can arrange that details. she says 'until I consider you made up for what you did.' 'depends on what you would have me do.' theyll work the details later. also if he doesnt come back his wings will fail.

end of journey is killing zorbolt and getting what is owed to parsley. shes adding us into this deal wtf? she wants us to deal with the robots in the woods? he explains that dealing with zorbolt will stop the bots so it should be good. she wants it done now tho like lady we cant get in the woods. metal animals? something covered in eyes?

also after parsleys deal is done he can come and go as he pleases as long as he doesnt get in the way. deal taken! magical contract! rosemary fixes his wings. but we also still think sunnie is dead and have to go into the woods. parsley quickly puts in a good word for fiddlefink xD basil screams for parsley to visit xD his dad calls him impressive!

senna calls sadly to teya. a guard walks up and says he will lead us to the problem. senna says prayers for sunnie as they follow the guard. parsley tells us about what we gotta fight. senna guesses it might be a beholder. follow the path and itll get close to the creatures.

teya wakes up sunnie! rejoice! senna calls teya a genius xD time to yell at sunnie for coming to the feywilds! senna casts presti on him hes so dirty. he got robbed by goblins wtf xD parsley turns into teya for a joke and teya gets her name back nice!

[r0tt1ng-c0rp53]

☆ Papa Joel Miller!

(Not sexual, simply Papa Joel:3)

⚠️: small mention of blood, slight angst but mostly just fluff

TW: None.

• He found you in the apocalypse by yourself, crying and holding a knife close to your chest scared of everything that moved and immediately had to help you in some sort if way since you were only young..

• He took you in and gave you what food he had without a word as to not stress you out and to keep your composure.

• After awhile of eating what food he had given you he spoke up, "Im Joel, what's your name Kiddo?" he spoke softly, a tint of worry choked in his voice.

• You give him your name shortly after and he smiles warmly at you, "Y/N.. do you have anyone with you?" He asks gently, trying not to cause you any stress.

• You explain to the unknown man that you have no one anymore in the apocalypse, tears prickled your eyes as you speak, your voice slowly collapsing..

• He sighs deeply and listens to you choke on your words about everything and what happened to everyone, for the first time in years he felt pure sorrow for someone other than himself.

• After a few months of getting to know eachother he takes you to many places, exploring the forests and abandoned city's full of the dead yet keeping you unharmed..

• Over time you slowly started to look up to Joel, as a friend and yet a sort of Father Figure for yourself.. he was there for you when you needed someone, anyone and he replaced that growing void in your body with himself and swearing that he'd protect you from harm as long as he lived.

• It finally happened, years after you both had met he was now in your eyes your father figure and he saw you as his own.. he told you the stories of his daughter years ago and thats when you realised that not only had he replaced that growing void within yourself with Love but you did the same for him..

• He gave you whatever he had to keep you safe and healthy, teaching you many things along the years with him.. you met people together but it never truly stayed that way, but thats okay.. you have Joel.

• He helped you with anything you needed and he was always there trying to support you in this hell of a world, you were there for eachother.

• One night you both got into an argument about supplies, you argued about him not eating enough and he argued about you needing to eat more than him.. you left the camp with a bow and arrow with the intention to bring him food, he always supplied you with what you needed and you always tried to convince him that he needed to look after himself aswell..

• Joel started yelling at you to come back inside but you didn't, you left and wandered into the forest in search of deer or anything really..

• Joel was worried, sitting on one of the chairs in the barely lit and cold, leaky cabin worried and choking on almost every breath praying that you would come back okay or just even come back at all..

• You returned almost 2 hours later with a deer dragging behind you and 2 squirrels tied to your waist, you had a gash on your thigh through your pants but you paid no attention and only kept your focus on bringing the food into the cabin for Joel.

• He jumped up and ran over to you, pulling the deer inside and immediately grabbing whatever gauge he had.. "What the fuck happened, Y/N?" He asks angrily, panting as hes just ran around searching for gauge and carrying the rest of the deer inside.

• You sit on the chair, squirrels still attached to your waist as you pant heavily realising you were bleeding and it was hurting.. "I needed to get you food, Joel.." you mumble out, he grunts angrily as he starts tying the gauge onto your wound and keeping pressure, he looked up at you with a look almost telling you that he wanted to know what happened.

• "..and there was a few runners 'n clickers.." you mumble out, his face turned pale as he jumps up and grabs the sides of your shoulders tightly, "Y/N, please tell me you weren't bit." He asks, his voice full of worry and despair as he waits for your answer.

• "Nonono I wasn't bit Joel, im fine.." you give him a light smile hoping he'd feel better..he sighs loudly before bringing you into a tight hug, "Dont go out at night never the less alone, Y/N.." he mutters softly, "Your welcome for the meat" you chuckle in response..

• Everything was okay, you were okay and Joel was slowly calming down but still grateful for the food.. he chuckles and releases the hug, "Thank you" he sarcastically mutters.

@pisfarter3000 Thanks pookie for the submission (even tho you constantly BULLIED me for it) still love you tho😚

[stargazer0001]

there is something deeply wrong with me but I dont know what it is

like bestie im not talented im traumatized. Im not wasting a gift im trying to keep myself from plunging a knife in my chest and bleeding out in my bed. Like void, please shut the fuck up.

but then when other people vent to me, even if I TRY to care, I just dont. Like im sorry. I want you to feel better. But wtf am I meant to do. Like sorrows, sorrows, but I cant even deal with my own emotions what makes you think I can help with yours???????? And then I TRY. I TRY to help knowing that I cant, I TRY to care even though I dont, I TRY to make it known that I want them to feel loved and cared for, but nothing works. And then I feel like a piece of shit who deserves to rot away in a corner for all eternity!!!

Oh and speaking of rotting away, SCHOOL. I can't pay attention. Like if its not interesting I just zone out and start questioning my reality. And then im like 'wtf are we doing now'. Its actual torture what. And when I TRY to pay attention and actually LEARN I literally just end up drawing on my paper or my mind starts to wander. BUT THEN THE FUCKING THINGS MY TEACHERS ARE SAYING MAKE NO SENSE!! LIKE GIRLIE HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO KNOW WHAT TO DO IF YOU DIDN'T TAKE ME THROUGH A THOROUGH STEP MY STEP PROCESS HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO THIS. And then I DONT SPEAK UP BECAUSE I WOULD RATHER HAVE MY HAND CHOPPED OFF THEN SPEAK TO A TEACHER. Like. Then, everyone else seems to immediately understand everything?? Some people talk back to teachers??? Some people WANT to talk to teachers??? Who are you and how. Oh and then my classmates??? Literally horrible. I want them to die. Thankfully i have a couple friends in my classes which makes it a bit more bearable, but NO KEENAN OR WHATEVER THE FUCK YOUR NAME IS, STOP DANCING AND SCREAMING, STOP BEING SO UNBEARABLE, STOP BEING A DICK. LIKE DUDE I BET YOU DONT EVEN GOT ONE. LITERALLY STOP BEING AN ASSHOLE. And its this one certain friend group who is actually the WORST. Like im TRYING to pay attention and then all of a sudden one of these kids starts yelling at another, stuff is thrown, and nothing gets done. BUT THEN THE TEACHERS DO NOTHING. THEY DONT CARE. BUT THEN WHEN SOMEBODY ELSE TALKS EVEN ONCE ITS IMMIDIATELY PRINCIPLES OFFICE???? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE IM ACTUALLY GOING INSANE SOMEBODY PLEASE JUST KILL ME.

oh and then out of school isn't even better at all. I just want to waste away in my room. Everything always hurts and I just want to be with friends but I know that nobody can or wants to hang out with a sad waste of oxygen like me. And then when im trying to go to bed I just hear the crashing of glass, my parents having a screaming match, and then my mom going back to drinking her sorrows away while my dad continues to try and sleep. Like please im so tired just let me go into my happy place and attempt to die in my sleep. And then whenever its even around 6:00 my mom immediately starts acting drunk even if she's had nothing so what the fuck is up with that. And then she tries to gaslight me into doing things??? Like at this point im immune. I dont even give any fucks anymore because I tried doing that and it just got me hurt. So why even care anymore. So what the fuck is the point in trying to live laugh love when I just wanna off myself. Like no. Die cry hate is my new motto at this point.

and then, to top it all off, if I try venting ANYTHING to the one person I know who understands, he just asks 'oh, is it your time of the month?'

like please just kill me at this point. Take me out of the hell called living. Im so close to just dying please help.

[xx-k1tsun3-k1d-xx]

How about at this point just mind your own business, there are probably people playing it that somehow still haven't heard of this stupid drama because they aren't chronically online, people are gonna do whatever they want, you all are just yelling into a void at this point

*again im focusing on the transphobic aspect bc thats what i know most to speak on, the racism and antisemitism aspect should also not be fucking forgotten it must be nice to be able to leave it all as 'stupid online drama.' the problem is i have to go outside and exist as a trans person in the UK directly living in fear and lacking critical health care because of JK Rowling and pals and the anti trans sentiment and legislation theyve directly funded and encouraged. every day i wake up and read about another trans person dead and some new media spin that paints trans people as everything from predators to confused children and then just get the fuck on it with as people pump money directly into hurting me and my friends/community. i sit there and wonder if its going to be me or my friends next. i am so fucking afraid of losing what little healthcare i got access to after YEARS. im scared for my friends. im scared for my community. im scared for myself.

but yeah sure playing the wizard game affects no one irl i just need to get out more lol >__>

[awriterandabird]

not mentally ill enough to be fun for internet users to poke at, too mentally ill to be brushed off as "quirky", but just mentally ill enough to catch myself in yet another unending spiral of shame and agony!

wooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

(dont press read more unless you read those tags. im warning you.)

for the love of GOD please help? stop?

earlier someone asked how they could help i told them to give me space i don't want to explode i feel like i need the opposite of space but also if anyone comes close to me i want to golf them into the sun don't talk to me. don't perceive me please talk to me. don't leave me

i wish i could channel this into something productive (not that i think anyone would want to see that. there's better artists and better art. whats one more little fag on the internet making stories about depression and derealization and autism and burnout. i don't have anything new to add.)

today i went outside and i had trouble staying in my own head

for a while i was a father struggling to keep doing his job because 'reality' around me kept feeling weird and wrong and i remember punching a hole in the wall and i heard birdsong but the birdsong was real and i was back on earth (in my body) and the vignette around my vision was tangible. a fly landed on my arm and it made me yell. i was real suddenly- the veil was gone. i walked around and i looked at some things. i saw a weed growing in the cracks of the asphalt and i saw grass growing through a circle of rocks. at the fairy tree i found a perfectly round rock and wondered what was inside. i was back in the crystal shop- the one across the water- where the ferry took us i remember the perfect little geodes they sold i was back home i remember readying that hammer only to completely fuck up the swing and ended up pulverizing most of it. but i looked and the pieces were right there at the fairy tree. i thought about art and how i would portray things if i and i was that father again and i was struggling to explain i couldn't speak at all really even in the arms of my wife i fought myself and another voice (myself) and i told myself im not real and i told myself why do i feel like im stealing something from someone else and why do i feel like my life is over but it never started and i was in the backyard looking for my cat when the gate slammed. it slammed in the wind. im real again. the sun is still out. the neighbors just came back home- i saw their car pull in. im ashamed to keep wasting time outside, so i walk back in my house

i might have gotten the order of events wrong

does it matter

does writing it down even matter

im giving the void (at first i typed "voice") a recollection of something that doest matter

recorded here for all of time, wasting space on a server, rotting, festering.

who is this for is this for myself?

wouldnt it be easier if i just told the people in my real life what was going on,

no you know what shut the fuck up.

go get a job dumbass.

..yeah i feel like a right waste of space.

"look. walk-ins accepted. you can apply here too when you apply at [x] tomorrow" "tomorrow?" "what else do you have going on in your life?" we walked down the rest of the aisle in silence. i didn't have a reply.

"whats the difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist?" "one can prescribe you drugs i think" "oh" we drove for 10 minutes in silence. i thought about my next question so carefully. i must have gone through dozens of iterations in that 5 minutes. i was the only one talking. during those 8 minutes i don't remember what the radio played. "which one of those two... tells you about if you have things in your head?" "what do you mean things in your head?" "like-" "like schizophrenia?" "yeah" "a psychiatrist i think. no? a psychologist. i forget" "yeah that's okay you don't know the answer, i probably should have researched myself, its kind of a lot of me to have expected you to have all the answers." "okay"

tomorrow i wake up. i have two options

>disappoint everyone (default option, no action required) >shut up, man up, get out of my room, become presentable, act Normal, interview at two different places, land a job, support the house, be a perfect functioning person

do i have an option

can i at least be a better person than writing a pathetic little vent longer than the colors of the sky. that no one cares about. that i wont care about in. fucking. whenever i can regulate my emotions again

wait will that even happen (someone made me go to type "(never)")

dear god. dear fucking lord. ive only been typing for. not long. it can't have been that long- less than half an hour- rollover just ended- but why the fuck did that person message me 6 times while im on DnD

aaaaaaaaaUGH i WANT TO GO. TO. BED.

WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP TRYING TO TALK TO ME

BUT THEY NEVER WANT TO TALK TO ME

7 messages

why cant we talk about nice things? i have nice things too- when i see them. in that other place. posting back and forth admiring each others stories and characters. i have that too. please. please can you talk to me

but then i swear like clockwork someone reaches out and i think no. not YOU. i want. THEM. (they don't exist) (they are a nebulous construct) what do i want. what do i fucking want. what do i care about? who do i care about?

im sorry. im so sorry. im sorry and i'll promise to respond to you. im sorry i know how it feels to be ignored i don't want to do that to you. im sorry i don't understand these things you send me. i don't understand

earlier tonight i failed once again to follow a simple request

(i keep looking up at those 7 unread messages)

i failed to follow it and i felt so. broken? useless? stupid? worthless? how can you expect someone _like me_ to get a job. to be _functional_

i dont even know if what i want to do is what i want to do anymore

all that time i spent in school. im sorry i wasted your time. im sorry im not going to amount to anything more than that. than this.

"they said they lost you in the system" "lost?? i. i submitted 3 times. under 'jay', under '[dead]', under '[last1]', under '[last1-last2]', i tried. i tried." -- "maybe they just don't want to hire me" "that's not it" "[z] got back to me that one time. do you remember?" "oh only a little-" "they said they're not hiring for night positions. even if on the website, the spot is still open. maybe if i just. replied back again and told them i'd do day anyways" "well, would you rather work at [x], or [y], or [z]?" "[y] i guess... not because i want to work in fast food but the benefits-"

the one blessing of tonight is that at least i haven't been super dysphoric. im too busy trying to claw back into my own body to be worried about whether or not it fits. i just need to be IN one

its been so hard to think of it as anything other than "the body", rather than "me". its. supposed to be "me" i think

whatever that means

my head is swimming again. i need to end this post

7 unread messages

i know i'll hit post, and i'll never see this passage again good riddance. maybe with all the bile ejected now i can actually be

something. i still dont know.

[blossomkoushi]

rant/ramble in the tags

[taeyamayang]

[8:24pm]

PAIRING: tsukishima kei x reader

GENRE: angst | romance | mutual pining | comfort

SUMMARY: tsukki struggles with expressing his feelings for you and ends up saying the complete opposite of what he meant

a/n: 1am thoughts that keep me awake, enjoy~

his fingers are curled around the strands of his hair. his eyeglasses, that are usually resting on top of the bridge of his nose, is lying helplessly on the table where his elbows are. the balls of his feet bounces anxiously as his thoughts spiral through the familiar void in his head.

it's a rare sight for a man who appears impassive to the eyes of the norm.

to his fear, the frontdoor of their house welcomes his impulsive mistake he did ten minutes ago.

"hey." your voice is coated with sympathy as your eyes take in the unruly bearing of the blonde.

"what are you doing here?" he snaps as soon as his head turns to you. his face is tainted in sweat and tears that you almost want to craddle him but his tone made you wince and think twice.

"you texted me to come over, right?" you reminded him of the text he sent you ten minutes ago pleading you to come over at his place. to your worry, you left everything behind and rushed to him.

"I DON'T WANT YOU HERE!" he yells making you step back from his sudden outburst.

"i don't understand." your voice hushed in disbelief, baffled with the way he's reacting.

"IS IT NOT CLEAR ENOUGH FOR YOU? I DON'T NEED YOU HERE AND TEXTING YOU WAS A STUPID MOVE I PULLED MINUTES AGO. LEAVE ME ALONE!"

he didn't mean those words. he didn't think that you would come to his place in heartbeat the moment he asked for you. he didn't want you to see his vulnerable side. he built a faultless image of him for you to adore and possibly fall in love with. so, you seeing his emotionally wrecked state is a huge blow to his perfect plan.

"tsukki." you whimper. his eyes rally from one eye to the other. he feels the weight of his words began pulling him down. defeated, you break the eye contact to bring your gaze down to your slippers.

"i rushed here worried about you. your text sounded like you needed someone urgently. i even forgot to change my indoor slippers because i was in a hurry." you manage to let out a single laugh at your pathetic state. you shift your eyes back to him.

"im hurt." your bottom lip wobbles and tears start rolling down your cheeks.

"you hurt me, tsukki." your voice increases as your sobs turn into bawls. your shoulders shake between gasps.

"___." his mouth is left ajar and his eyebrows are pressed together. he was about to push himself up to near you when you cut him off as you speak.

"don't." you shake your head as you held his distraughted eyes. guilt stain his face and you visibly see him regretting his choice of words. nonetheless, you kept your ground. you use the back of your hand to wipe the tears off your face.

"this is the last time im talking to you." his pupils dilates as said your final words. albeit, your feet taking you back home.

tsukki sees you with your friends at the hallway the following morning after the incident. he assumed you'd be in the dumps still thinking about last night but to his surprise you seem happier than he thought. he watches you converse with your friends. his lips pulls into a smile when he sees you crunching down to hold your stomach as an attempt to stop your laughs. god, he missed your contagious smile.

he spent the whole day thinking of the right words to say to you. he knows that an apology won't make up for the scar he left. promises sounds like a cliché and it's definitely not his thing.

he knew he needed transparency to show you his sincerity but it's difficult for a person who's used to bottling up his emotions and dealing it with himself. he has always been independent but for the first time in his whole existence he wanted someone to cry on. thus, on that night his fingers typed in the words his mouth can't pronounce and sent it to the person he most wanted to cling onto.

you.

which is why he finds himself at the bottom of the stairs waiting for you. his eyes are glued to his shoes and his back leaning against the wall next to the staircase. he whips his head up when he hears a familiar laugh coupled with chatters of two more girls echoing in the small space.

"hi" he says when he sees your feet secured on the floor. your eyes land at him and instantly your smile fades. a heavy pang strikes in his chest when your expression changes.

"can we talk?" tsukki adds, swallowing air down his throat. he keeps his eyes locked to you. you turn your gaze back to your friends and bid them goodbye. he lets out a relieved sigh when you nod at him yes. you stand across from him, still keeping your distance, with your arms crossed on your chest.

"i was an asshole last night." he says. you raise an eyebrow at him. he continues "most of the time."

"point already taken." you retort.

"i like you." he blurts out making you press your brows together. did you hear him right?

although, you find it amusing that he, tsukishima kei, is confessing to someone who already cut ties with him hours ago.

"i like you more than as a friend. that's why i have fears and emotions i am not familiar with." the corner of his eyes soften and the tips of his ears tinted in red. tsukki is actually blushing.

"i panicked when you came over. i didn't want you to seethat other side of me but i also wanted you to come over because last night was too much for me. i couldn't handle it alone. i find most comfort in you and i wanted you to assure me that everything will be okay but instead i kicked you out and hurt you. i-i," he trails off.

"i wanted you to hug me."

his honesty caught you off guard yet his words pulled out the knife stabbed through your chest. you feel the weight of keeping a smiling facade infront of your friends has finally lifted off from your shoulder. you can finally breathe without the ache compressing your lungs.

your eyes glistens as you approach his broken figure. you pull him by the wrist and swiftly wrap your arms around his waist. he stands frozen at your touch. after awhile, you feel his chest vibrates and his back shudder. he confirms your thoughts when you heared stifled hiccups coming from him. his arms pulls you closer in a tighter embrace. his face burries at the top of your head.

"shh, it's okay. it's never a flaw to feel emotions. you're safe with me." your palm moves up and down across his back. you hold him steady as he cries.

"i don't want to lose you." he chokes between sobs. his eyes are blood shot and his hair is all over the place.

"you won't. im always here for you." you pull back from the hug and your hand reaches to his face, your thumb catching a tear.

"now, i find myself liking you more." you smile.

Masterlist

[rjshepherd]

Me, vibin:

Life rn:

[actualbird]

ive been wanting to ramble bout this for years (like since 2019 HAHA) but i held off on it because i figured the fandom phenomenon i was seeing was gonna be a one off thing. something thatd fade with time.

it wasnt. it's still here and so i wanna articulate what i think about

the fast food-ification of fandom

here’s the thing about fandom right now; we operate on social media platforms that are inherently fast paced. social media platforms these days prioritize new and popular content, but more than that, it creates an audience that is always searching for new content very, very quickly. 

tumblr is a bit of a lesser evil, in terms of contributing to this (still does, tho, dont think im exempting hellsite derogatory, LMAO). but twitter, imo, is a hellscape with a system that hammers this in so so much: the lack of an explorable archive, no account specific tag search mechanism, a timeline algorithm that shows an account's followers the popular tweets first instead of chronologically and oftentimes even if you follow that account you will not be able to see all the tweets that account makes lest you go to the profile specifically. twitter is built for "new new new!" and it's not its fault, i guess, cuz it was not designed with fandom interaction in mind. still, it's become a very popular fandom platform and the "new new new!" mindset the system promotes ends up seeping into the members of fandom itself.

and there’s nothing wrong with wanting new content. but the problem here, i think, is the speed at which we consume fanwork. and the lack of memory for fanwork thats already been made.

fanwork consumption feels like it's going 100000000 mph with these kinds of systems and thanks to the lack of a navigate-able archive or tagging system, it's nigh impossible to find something from even last week. an incredible piece of fanart or fanfic or any fanwork gets attention for 3 days tops before it's lost and very very difficult to find. things are so fast and it's harder to remember them now.

swerve to another point: the trend of silence

im gonna bash on twitter again (SORRY KJSFBSD, like, i do have a twitter btw so im speaking from experience. i'd like to make it clear im not bashing ppl who do like/use twitter, im waving my hands frustratedly at twitter's systems) cuz tweet wc limits make it so that literally not much can be said! additionally, to add comments in QRT takes attention/notifs away from original poster, so if u QRT an art with praise, OP will see that! but if ppl reply more praise to the art on that QRT, OP will not get notified so that praise might as well have been yelled to the void

im a passionate believer that if youve got something nice to say about a fanwork and/or the creator of that fanwork, say it on their turf so they can see it. twitter makes it easier for this to not happen. positive attention and feedback matters so so much to creators and im p sure im not alone in saying that i cherish each and every comment (be it on ao3 or tumblr tags/comments or asks) ive ever gotten

and like, i know the argument to that is "make fanwork for yourself! dont make it for attention, do it cuz you enjoy it!" and "for every feedback you dont get, theres many lurkers who value and love what you do!"

i agree with that first thing very much but only the bit that says "do it cuz you enjoy it!" cuz yea! fandom is about having fun! but also like...isnt the point of fandom the fact that it's not just you alone, but you in a community?

a big draw of fandom, for me, is that it's likeminded deranged nerds all obsessed about the same thing. these are people on similar wavelengths and theyre people PLURAL. do fanwork cuz you enjoy it but the implication that a fancreator should be happy in isolation doesnt make sense cuz thats not what fandom is about.

and as for "there are lurkers who silently enjoy what you make" well...why?

why not say something when youve got something nice to say?

be it fanart or fanfic or fanmeta or anything, if the thought already pops up in your head, why not say it somewhere the creator can see it?

i totally understand if youre shy or if it's difficult to put into words whatever your thoughts are, like, huge mood. but also fandom becomes an infinitely funner space to be in when people are saying things

even a comment thats something simple and short makes the current landscape of fast paced churning out of fanworks feel less like we’re shouting in a forest alone, and more like we’re shouting in a forest and somebody yelled “I LOVED THIS” back. it’s really nice.

this is not a criticism towards anybody, but instead just kinda like, an inquiry to how we consume and interact with fanwork, these days. it’s really fast. like, so fast. tags update daily with new things every single day, every second, and it’s easy to just look and look and not say a thing. and that ease of fanwork consumption also makes it easy to forget just how hard it is to make things. how hard it is to make anything at all.

so much heart and effort is put into every work in fandom, and ive always seen fandom as a space for unapologetic enjoyment and community. treating fandom like a fast-food transaction where u get a thing in 5 minutes and drive off is...well, i dunno. but for me, among many things, it makes us forget just how much heart and effort is in all things.

[lovclyboncs]

Everything I Wanted 2/2 (F!Reader x Todoroki)

soulmate Au! Where your soulmate tattoo appears on your wrist after you touch your soulmate for the first time.

F!reader x Todoroki

F!Reader x Bakugou (brotp)

Plot: the reader is Todoroki’s soulmate. Todoroki rejected reader because he thought he was in love with Momo and didn’t want to let fate dictate his life. Now the two of them have a conversation that was long over due.

Part one

Before getting on with the story I want to give a huge thanks to everyone who reblogged and liked part one, it means the world to me that there is people out there who enjoyed my writing, and a big thank you to @dillybuggg and to @power-house-fan12 for encouraging me to write another part sending so much love to you guys!!! 💗💗💗

“Someday?”

“Someday.”

"Todoroki-san, I met my soulmate."

"oh."

" I think we should come clean to our classmates, i really want to see where this goes"

Todoroki couldn’t blame her. They were foolish to think their puppy love could stand strong against fate.

Todoroki and Momo had been walking on eggshells around each other during their first year at UA. They were attracted to each other even though they weren’t each other’s destined partner. Trust them they checked, they had been so hopeful only for it to crumble when their left wrists were still void of black Ink even after they had their first kiss.

They had been laying low with their blossoming relationship until the fateful day Shoto and (y/n) first touched.

Shoto didn’t know what to think of (l/n). She didn’t stand out as a person or a hero in training, so when they were paired up on a project there seemed to be a never ending silence between them, with his lack of social skills and her lack of- well everything they didn’t even know where to begin. After a couple of awkward questions about what they wanted to do, they were able to get started, and he thought then that (l/n) wasn’t so bad, but when he dropped his pencil and they both reached for it, that’s when it all went south. He remembers the stinging feeling he felt on his wrist and couldn’t help flinching at the uncomfortable sensation.

He didn’t need to look at his wrists to know what had happened and he didn’t need to think twice before grabbing his things and giving a quiet excuse for his sudden need to be very far away from (l/n).

It wasn’t until he was locked away safely in his room that he dared look at his wrist, and there it was in bold black ink, in a surprisingly illegible yet legible font, how does someone achieve that? ‘(Y/n) (l/n)’.

He’s not quite sure how long he stared at it, but he knows that by the time he was able to organize his thoughts there were birds chirping out side welcoming the new day.

He had rejected her.

She had been okay with it.

He didn’t tell Momo who his soulmate was, but he did tell her that he didn’t want to continue hiding their relationship. What was stopping them from sharing their happiness with the rest of the class? Momo believed they would be looked down on for not waiting on their soulmates. It wasn’t common for people to date anyone who wasn’t their soulmate, it was even more uncommon to reject a soulmate, but look at him, he did it and he was perfectly fine- they were perfectly fine.

Momo was the one who came up with the idea to draw on their soulmate tattoos, unaware of the fact that there already was a name on Todoroki’s wrist, unaware of the pain she was causing to that other half.

Coming clean to their classmates had gone surprisingly well, and Todoroki wasn’t sure how he felt about that, about that fact that (y/n) didn’t yell or question him on the why.

Why had he lied?

Why had he covered her up like she was something not worth looking at?

Why did he rub his relationship in her face?

Why not give them a chance if he was gonna chase something temporary?

Instead she had looked him in the eyes and gifted him a soft smile.

After everyone had scattered around the common area after their announcement, Todoroki decided to sit outside and take a breather.

He couldn’t help but sigh.

Thinking back to the day he and (y/n) first touched, he wished he hadn’t been such a coward.

He wished he had given her a chance to speak, because looking back now he realized that he did all the talking, he called all the shots not giving her a say in the matter.

She followed his wishes and yet he can’t help but want to be selfish and take it all back.

He had been wrong to think she had been lacking anything because she was everything. She was perfect to him, for him.

He couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped him.

Fate had told him she was his, a gift from the universe to cherish and like a spoiled brat he threw it away, ruined it. ‘Seems to run in the family’, he thought bitterly.

(Y/n) (L/n) was everything he wanted and he didn’t deserve her.

The worst part was that the person who helped him realize that was the hotheaded blonde of 1-A (now 2-A).

He was the one who brought out the best in (y/n) or maybe the only one who had bothered to listen, who had bothered to truly see her.

Todoroki couldn’t help but resent him for it yet he was grateful, because without Bakugou pushing her to open up, he would have never realized that he had shut the door on something beautiful without opening it.

“Why are you out here? Curfew is in 20 minutes” he heard her soft voice.

He didn’t reply and he felt her sit beside him on the stairs.

And there was silence.

What could he possibly say now?

Im sorry? That seemed too shallow

“It’s okay you know?” She began.

He finally listened.

“I’ll be honest, it had hurt- you had hurt me when you shut me out without giving me a chance to prove myself worthy of being on your wrist. I questioned if it had been something I did, something I didn’t do, or if it had been my appearance that had caused you to utter those words. Bakugou told me that it shouldn’t be something I beat myself over, that if it had been me that you would have told me, but you didn’t. You just told me that your heart belonged to another”

She stopped and finally looked at him, and he at her.

“ Im sorry things between you two didn’t work out how you wanted them to-” she had began, but he didn’t let her finish.

“Don’t. It’s not your fault, it’s mine. I thought I knew what I wanted and if I’m being honest I think I just wanted to be able to choose at least one thing for myself.” He said without thinking, it was time he stopped hiding from the truth, the selfish truth he hid under his not so pure love for Momo.

“Ever since I was born I have been nothing but a tool for my father. The just right child with the just right quirk. I wasn’t allowed to spend time with my siblings, I wasn’t allowed to play, I wasn’t allowed to make my own decision. It was always my father, and then I found out I wasn’t able to choose who I wanted to be with because apparently fate did that, so I would question what it is that I got to decide for myself

because if fate and my father made the decisions then what was I left with? What part of my life was actually mines for the taking?” He looked at the ground unable to continue meeting her eyes.

“So even if it’s not enough I do apologize, (y/n), for thinking so selfishly that I didn’t take into consideration the fact that you didn’t choose me either and that I didn’t try to make it easier for the both of us” he said clenching his fist to keep some sort of anchor on his mess of emotions.

Todoroki felt a small hand (or at least smaller that his own) lay on top of his own.

“Maybe we’ve both been going about this the wrong way? So what if we have each other’s name on our wrist? that doesn’t mean we should get married next week” (y/n) said in an attempt to lighten his load, to let him know that he didn’t need to beat himself over it just like she didn’t need to.

“ let’s just start as friends and see how things go and then maybe someday who knows” she shrugged her shoulders casually and flashed him a smile.

Todoroki looked at her and she at him.

He relaxed his hand that was underneath her and let himself hold her hand.

“Someday?” He asked

“Someday” she grinned.

(Y/n) cleared her throat and held her hand out for a handshake making him raise an eyebrow

“Hi my name is (y/n) (l/n) let’s be friends”

“I’m Shoto Todoroki, and I would like that very much”

“ I’m Aizawa, the teacher and you two need to get to bed”

“Yes sir!”

[bunnirs]

Yandere! Gon and Killua with a S/O who tries to leave

Requested by: Anon!

“I don’t know if you do any yandere stuff but if you do I was wondering how would yandere killua and gon react to thier s/o trying to leave them for Accidentally Cheating. Thx love your blog”

First Gon and Killua request!! I’m so excited! For the sake of all things holy, ALL CHARACTERS WILL BE AGED UP A BIT. especially with the cheating thing 👉👈 UMM ALSO THIS IS MY FIRST EVER YANDERE TYPE THING SO IM SORRY 😭

Gon:

Alright this dude doesn’t see anything wrong with the fact that he cheated

HE THINKS ITS NORMAL??

And to think you’d get so upset over him ‘cheating’ on you??

He would never! He was just being ‘nice’ to one of tourists of Whale Island

A little to nice.

He’s the type of Yandere that thinks what he does is completely fine! He thinks he’s doing the right thing!

So that’s where you had enough.

Gon was a lunatic and you had to get away

Maybe you’d call Leorio or Kurapika, they’d help you

That’s all you had to do

Get to a pay phone and dial Leorio or Kurapika

So while Gon had left to do God knows what..

You packed your shit and walked out the door

Surprisingly.. you got to the pay phone rather easily

Your paranoia had shot up with the risk of getting caught

Like 📈📈📈📈📈

You made the decision to call Kurapika. He was more serious with this stuff.

You waited for Kurapika until it was dark out

But he came all the same

But you hadn’t expected to see Gon right behind him

That’s right. Gon had said something about visiting Kurapika. Shit.

You were an idiot not to pay closer attention

Fuck fuck fuck he looks mad

His eyes were avoid of anything,,,

His soulless hues stared into your own, and you felt like you could throw up

Kurapika seemed rather worried, asking what happened while Gon was gone

You couldn’t tell him about Gon being a psycho

He wouldn’t believe you.. right?

You made the choice in saying that someone had tried to hurt you, and with Gon away, you didn’t know what to do

Kurapika sighed and said he’d get a hotel and would scout the island for any suspicious behavior,,,

But he didn’t know that Gon WAS the culprit.

Soon after that, you went home with Gon.

“....You lied to him, Y/N.” There was a pregnant pause before your name, almost like it was hard for him to pronounce. “You never lie.”

“...Gon....” You said quietly, not prepared for whatever the hell he was going to say.

“Is this about the woman?” Gon narrowed his eyes at his feet, which moved as the both of you took the road to his house.

“No I just-“ you went quiet, not knowing what to say. Make something up. Fast. “I just wanted to.. get away from the island a bit.”

“Get away?” Gon’s dark expression changed into one of confusion. “Do you not like it here?”

“No! I like it here!” You said abruptly, your eyes widening. “It’s just, I was thinking of visiting my parents! See what they’re up too!” You nervously laughed, praying he didn’t notice your smile faulter.

“...Oh well...that’s easy.” Gon smiled at you, and for a second, you thought you did something good. “They’re up to nothing.” His eyes darkened, his smile widening a bit.

“Nothing?” You questioned, confused.

“They’re dead.” Gon hummed. “They kept trying to get in my way.. so I put them out of their misery. They missed you a lot.. and kept saying I kidnapped you! Which isn’t true right?”

You didn’t say anything. Nothing at all. The only thing that escaped your mouth were the harsh sobs, which seemed to shake your whole body. You fell to the ground, the rough asphalt slicing your knees, the stinging couldn’t compare to the state your heart was in.

“...Oh..” His voice lowered, the slight evidence of worry laced his tone. “.....Can you not speak..?” He grabbed your hand, kneeling before you.

You smacked his hand away, falling onto your back. “G-get the hell away from me!” You screamed, your hands slipping on the bloodied gravel below you. You kept trying to stand up, but it seemed that gravity pushed against you even harder than before. “Go away! For gods sake just leave me alone!”

He stared at his hand for about a minute, his mouth wide and agape. “Leave.. you alone? While your upset?” He seemed hurt, his eyes swelling up, tears appearing. “What kind of boyfriend would I be if I left you like this! You’re hurting!”

“Because of you! I’m HURTING BECAUSE OF YOU!” You screamed in his face, somehow gaining the strength to sit up.

“.......I didn’t hurt you! I would never hurt you!” His voice gained in volume, almost like he was panicking. “I just did what was best for both of us!”

“You did what was best for you!” You shoved your finger into his chest, your nail almost bending due to the pressure. “You never think about me! You force me to stay with you! I never wanted something like this! I-“

“Shut up.” Gon said suddenly, shadow overcasting his facial features. “Everything I do is for you... don’t you dare say it isn’t!” His hand quickly grabbed your wrist, the sickening sound of bone being crushed seemed to echo in your ears.

“Y-you’re hurting me... right now... you’re hurting me..” you whispered, trying your best not to cry even more. Your head already hurt from the screaming, the pain adding to your desire to pass out.

“You don’t know real pain.” He said coldly. “But you’ll find out soon.”

That’s all you heard before you eyes seemed to close, your body falling forward into someone’s warm embrace, the air being knocked out of you.

“But everything I do... is for you.. Y/N.”

Killua:

Thing is I don’t see him cheating :(

He’s so closed off as is, so it’s surprising he’s in love with you anyway!!

He’s definetly the Yandere who thinks that you need him

Like you’d be in danger without him

He’s definitely convinced himself that you’d die if you weren’t with him

And that makes him so friggin sad

He wants you to be happy

But he wants you to be safe first.

So, if you try to escape, that’ll make him even more broken inside

He’s a tragic yandere tbh

Wants to give you happiness and love, but he can’t let you out of his sight 😭

So you probably try to leave when he kills someone that was close to you

Probably a guy friend of yours

He felt like he was dangerous, and couldn’t have him taking you away

So he murdered him on the spot with a quick hand through the heart, his nails bloodied.

That was the last straw. You were living with a murderer.

How you would get out? You had no idea

You were in the Zoldyck Mansion. Locked away.

If anything, you could try talking to Canary. She liked you. A lot.

So that’s what you did. You told Canary everything.

She believed you almost immediately. She knew the Zoldycks were cruel... Killua included, no matter how much she liked him.

She’d try to smuggle you outside the gate

Hopefully the security guard would understand

That’s what got you here, standing from right inside the testing gate, Killua before you.

Canary was long gone. She had to stop the butlers from following you.. so you were alone.

“....What are you doing so far from home...?” He questioned, his eyes widened at the sight of you with bags in your hands. “It’s dangerous out here.”

“Killua, we’re inside the gate. You know it’s plenty safe out here.” You narrowed your eyes, nails digging into the leather holsters of your bag. You couldn’t back down now. “Besides, I can protect myself if need be.”

“.....Of course you can. I don’t doubt your abilities.” Killua rolled his eyes, his attitude returning to normal. “I wouldn’t date someone who can’t protect themselves.”

“....Then why don’t you act like that?” You felt a pang in your chest. He made it seems like you were weak.... He made it seem like you were helpless. Why would he do that?

“Act like what? Protective? I can’t do that?” He questioned, his defensive tone making itself clear.

“That is not what this is.” You countered, stepping back a bit. “You know this isn’t you being protective! You act like I’m fragile! Some glass vase that’ll break if someone pushes me to hard! I’m not! I’m a professional hunter just like you!”

“...You don’t act like it.” He pouted, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“How can you be so childish right now!? This is why I need to leave!” You stepped forward, your voice gaining in volume.

“...Leaving is a need? Are you sure you just don’t want it?” He stepped towards you, his voice getting low. He was definitely getting pissed off now.

“I haven’t been outside the gate in years Killua! You know how ridiculous that sounds?! Last time I interacted with someone from outside this gate, you fucking murdered them! He was my friend!”

“He was trying to hurt you!” Killua responded, his eyes darkening. “He was inviting you outside the gate! And by yourself no less! He could’ve hurt you!”

“Going out the gate isn’t a death sentence! I need fresh air Killua! I need to see people!” You continued to yell, throwing your hands up in the air dramatically, the bag in your hand almost being flung off to the side.

“You see my family everyday! They’re people!” Killua scoffed. “barely...” he muttered to himself, getting lost in thought.

“What if I don’t want to see your family anymore?! What if I don’t want to see you?!” You gasped right after the words left your mouth, hands covered your lips, almost in disbelief of what you had just said.

As your thoughts consumed you, you felt a slight pain in your abdomen, your body falling to the ground. Your bags cluttered around you, creating what ironically looked like a crime scene. He had just pushed you. That’s never happened before.

Killua stood above you, his eyes pulsating with dark intent, his aura covering for what seemed like miles. “....Don’t you ever say that!” He yelled out, tears almost appearing in his empty voids. “I might believe it one day! That you don’t need me anymore!” He grabbed the collar of your shirt, so his eyes could look into yours. “I can’t lose you like everyone else! Don’t leave me behind! I used to think you needed me but now I think it’s the other way around!” He cried out, tears threatening to spill. “I have to protect you with everything I have! I’ll continue to kill the people who try to take you away! So please don’t make this hard! I know you want to leave! I understand! But that can’t happen!”

You were quiet, your body feeling limp as he had hit a sensitive point on your body. “O-okay...” you muttered out, tears brimming the corners of your eyes. “I’ll stay.... I-“

Before you can finish, Killua hugged you tighter than ever before, knocking the air out of you. You felt like you could pass out, that feeling soon coming to reality as black dots filled your vision. He had somehow managed to manipulated you again. His worry getting the best of you.

Curse you for being so damn sympathetic.

[deleteddewewted]

Incel! Shinsou x F! Reader Part 7

Shinsou and you sitting on a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then comes, marriage, then comes Shinsou with a baby carriage!

Hello everyone, im back with a new part! Today i'll be introducing you all to a new character which is actually one i made up. Her name is Maya and you can find more about her in the Fatgum Doesn't Know How to Flirt oneshot. Maya's appearance can also be found here! Maya will playa supporting role in this series, so dont worry. This is all about you and Shinsou getting back together.

TW: Insinuated Assault, minor suicide themes

"Every time I hear your voice I wonder. Every mother, every sister, every brother, every mister. Every son who left a blister on a daughter when he kissed her. For the chicks with a dick and the boys with the void. Everybody havin' trouble tryna make a choice, yeah. Give me him, give me her. Give me both, I don't care. Give me all, stuck on her, make it work"- (Girls and Boys by Jesse)

Part 6: Incel! Shinsou x F!Reader

The call came in during his lunch period and it had Shinsou nearly dropping his phone on the floor. He was excited but also nervous. Did he get rejected? He swallowed as much as he could of his food and answered the call.

"Hello?" He hadn’t finished swallowing his food down. This was embarrassing on his part.

"Hello, this is Shinsou Hitoshi correct?"

"Y-"

"Awesome! You've been selected for the role of Captain Flagg, congratulations!"

"Tha-" The woman on the other end hung up on him without letting him speak a word. He's sure it's the same pink-haired girl from the audition but whatever he got the role. He got the-

"I GOT IT!" He shot up from his chair and everyone turned to stare at him immediately. He quickly sat down and covered his face with his hoodie. He was excited, can anyone truly blame him for it? He wanted to cry, yell, and do all of the things he used to do back then but this time with a positive twist. He was excited, he wanted to tell someone about it.

Shinsou bolted off-campus and ran towards the nearest train station. He wanted to celebrate and what better way than to celebrate than with his dad. The cramped train didn't bother him at all nor did the sun's heat, the crowds, or the walk to the clinic his dad worked at. He got the part, this was it!

"Oh, hello Shinsou. Is there anything I can help you with?" The receptionist asked.

"Yeah, do you know if I can talk with my dad for a moment? I just need to tell him something quickly."

"Sure, let me give him a call. He might be in a session." The receptionist moved to her right to pick up a phone and dialed a number. She waited in the line for a bit till someone answered.

"Hello, I’m calling to see if nurse Aizawa is available to come to the main lobby for a moment?....No, it's his son.....I'm aware, yes...Well if you don't mind could you at least pass on that his son here? Thank you." The woman looks at Shinsou and smiles at him. "Give it  a few minutes, he's with a patient at the moment." Shinsou just waited for his dad, if he didn't come now he would probably come to the lobby on his lunch break.

Aizawa's assistant came over to him and told him quickly that his son was in the lobby. Aizawa told his assistant to inform the receptionist that he'll be heading to the lobby after his session with Eri.

"Nurse Aizawa?" Aizawa turned to look down at the little girl who held onto him.

"Yes, Eri?"

"You have a son?" Aizawa normally avoids talking about his family life during work hours, but children are the exception to his strict set of rules.

"Yes, Eri. Actually, he’s older than you." The little girl's lips quivered for a moment and immediately fell back to a neutral expression. No matter how much Aizawa tried, he couldn't get the girl to smile or play with the other kids.

"Is he a mean older kid?"

"No, Eri. He used to be but he's a better person now." Eri nodded and went back to facing forward. Aizawa took this as his cue to help her on her walking.

Eri was just 5 years old when she came into the clinic for the first time. She needed proper help after losing her ability to walk in a car accident which also left her orphaned. She came in with a wheelchair and just did as she was told. CPS was consistently breathing down Aizawa's neck to make sure Eri was safe and sound at the clinic, meaning that she couldn't really interact with the other kids in the main lobby or staying at the hospital.

“Can i...speak to Maya?” Aizawa gave Eri a soft smile and picked her up and started walking towards her wheelchair..

“I'm sorry Eri but you won't be able to right now. You can call her later, ok?” Eri’s eyes became glossy. The little girl’s mind racing a million miles an hour with an array of different emotions and thoughts. She reminded him of his own son. The way she held onto her hospital gown brought back memories of little Shinsou crying in the corridor of their home. Shinsou avoided him in order to hide that he had a nightmare and wanted comfort from him. Shinsou who wouldn't come into his dad's bedroom, but instead have his dad come sleep on a chair next to his bed to watch over him. This little girl in front of him was in need of someone who would protect her. He wasn't that person.

“It’s ok Eri. I'm sure Maya will be excited to hear from you after her classes. If you want, we can figure out if Maya can come visit you. Does that sound good?”

“Y-yes please.” Aizawa gave her a head pat and placed her in her wheelchair.

“Don't worry Eri. I'm sure Maya will love to come visit you.” Aizawa gave the girl another soft smile and directed his assistant to take her back to her room.

Once he was done cleaning up the equipment and organizing everything, he went directly to the main lobby a few floors below. Shinsou never came to the clinic, he always waited for him to get home to tell him anything. Aizawa found his son sitting down on one of the lobby chairs scrolling through his phone.

“Hitoshi, what's up? Is something wrong?” A worried expression graces Aizawa's face while Shinsou tried to calm his own excitement down.

“Something did happen- it's a good thing, so don't worry.” Aizawa took a seat next to his son, still concerned as to why he's at the clinic.

“I got the role.”

“Oh.” The smile that Shinsou had on his face started to dwindle. He was fucking up again, his son wanted him to be proud of him, and instead he’s making it seem like didn’t care about his personal joys.

“That sounds exciting. Congrats!” He gave his son a full smile. Shinsou didn't really remember when he last saw his dad smile like this, but he sure as hell raved on the fact his dad looked happy for him.

“I got the call today during lunch and I wanted to come to tell you. I- uh also have something else to tell you, but that’s going to take more time so I'll tell you at home.” Aizawa nodded and said his goodbyes to his son.

“Hitoshi, hold up.” Shinsou turned around to face his dad again.

“Could you do me a favor and tell Maya to call the hospital?”

“Sure.” With that, Shinsou finally left and went home.

Maya was the second year in the art course, specifically the theater department. During his freshman summer, he got the chance of shadowing the same company Maya was doing her studies with. She was versatile with the characters she could play and she never settled for one type of character either. She pushed him to try out for different roles and was his main supporter when it came to his acting.

“Why stick with the villain role? You clearly don't want to only do that.” After their shadowing with one of Maya's mentors, she took the time to ask him about his plans for the future. He wanted to objectify her, put her in her place, but it was difficult when the person you're talking to reacts disinterested. The woman didn't care about his commentary because according to her, he had no power. She wasn't wrong. Maya practically exuded power, from her strong posture to her unwavering attitude. She was everything he wanted to be.

“It feels right. It's also not like anyone would pick me to play the "knight in shining armor" like they would with Monoma.” He looked down at the ground and continued to walk with her. Maya wasn't having any of it.

“If you want something you need to push for it. Bleed for it. How do you think I got into the art course, Lavender?”

“Don't call me that!”

“Whatever you say Lavanda.” Maya smirked at him and just continued walking.

“You and I aren't so different. We both got casted for the same type of character, the same type of plays, the same crew. We're never given a chance to expand our skills.” She put an arm around his shoulder, bringing him into her side. Shinsou's face became warm and the tips of his ears became a shy red. He's never been this close with a woman before, even when he was a child, girls tended to avoid him like the plague.

“I'm sensing a ‘but’ coming up.”

“But I didn't conform to that.” Maya let go of Shinsou and instead stood in front of him blocking his path.

“You're giving up on something you love because everyone is telling you that you'll never be enough and will never be more. You love acting, I see the way your eyes light up when you're on the stage, I’m not stupid.” He felt warm again. Not the type of warm he felt when he would jerk off in the shower, but an innocent type of warm. Did he like Maya?

“You need to bleed Toshi. You need to bleed more than you've already done.” Her arm extended and she held onto him. She was so close to him it felt like she was inside of his head, like she was reading all of his emotions. Like she knew what his mother did to him and his dad. Like his entire life was in front of her and she was reading it like a disinterested teen with a magazine. No, more like a parent who was disappointed. No, not that either. What was she embodying with him?

“Hitoshi, you're allowed to be frustrated with people. But that doesn't mean you get to be a shitty person. You want more and yet you give so little. I want to see you succeed. So please, push yourself.” Maya was hugging him.

An actual woman was hugging him, and yet, the only thing he wanted to do was hug back. No sexual innuendos, no sexist comment, no bile coming from his mouth. Just tears running down his face. He didn't understand, couldn't actually. How did she manage to break him with reprimanding yet caring words? How did a woman managed to break a man like him down? Why was she trying to help...him?

“Thank you Maya.”

Maya was the only woman in his life, other than you, that he could call a friend. Even when he was a shit person, he was able to recognize her as someone to be respected. You were his first actual love interest, Maya was just someone he could admire and care for. When he finally got the chance to thank her properly for motivating him, she laughed and told him that she couldn't wait to see what he’ll do.

“Also, I see how you look at her. You better not hurt her or you're fucked.” He didn't have the guts to talk to Maya since he destroyed his friendship with you. He didn't say anything, nor did you but that doesn't mean that Bakugou wouldn't. Or didn't tell her already. Be it that Bakugou was a hard ass, he still learned to hold respect for those clearly superior to him. He wasn't close to Maya at all but he did know that when it came to putting someone in there place, Maya was the person you went to for that.

Maya was the same age as him and everyone else in your guys friend group, she was just a grade above everyone because of her talent and academics granted her early acceptance into UA. Everyone knew her and looked to her for advice, but in this case, he couldn’t look for her. He would be receiving reassurance because she would most likely kill him instead. The thought sent shivers up his spine, if he came into contact with her she was going to do the job all on her own and then have someone else hide his corpse. He still needed to face the music, even if he’s afraid that he’ll die in the end. At this point, he’s contemplating that death might be the best option out of the mess he-

Stop, breathe. The only logical solution is facing the one person that would hurt him physically.

Once at home he jogged in place, pumped himself up to call Maya. This was stressful work, he looked up to her back then which means that she was the real deal. He remembers what she did to the little creep who kept harassing the girls in the 1-A homeroom. Let's just say that the guy came back to campus with a few a cast on his arms and a nice black eye to match.

“Ok, you can do it. Yeah, you can do it.” He shooked off his nerves and clicked Maya's contact. Maybe she would answer, maybe she wouldn't, it's honestly a bargain when it came to her.

“Shi-” She picked up.

He couldn't do it. She answered the call and he couldn't do it. The fear of getting stomped to death by his upperclassmen that he practically saw as his hero was terrifying. His phone began to ring again and he sucked in a huge gulp of air and answered.

“Hi, Ma-”

“You hijo de puta! What's wrong with you?”

“A lot-”

“Let me talk, putón!” Maya was pissed, there was no way he was going to survive.

Maya spent 30 minutes ripping him a new one. It ranged from him not visiting the company to the problem that he was facing now.

“I know I fucked up, Maya. I'm trying to...fix things. Y/n gave me a chance and I’m going to take advantage of that, but I also don't want to push my luck.” Maya let out an exasperated sigh.

“Hitoshi, you can’t rush things. I don’t know how badly you fucked up, but a fuck up is a fuck up and you need to fix it. I’m sure this was already drilled into your head.” Shinsou laid down on his bed and rubbed his face.

“It has, yeah. Anything else you want to advise me on?”

“Yeah, you sarcastic bitch. Come to my company again, we would love to have you intern.”

“Than-”

“And invite Y/n under my recommendation as a reviewer.” Shinsou’s eyes widened. On one hand, it was a great idea, it would mean being around you more but that's only if you said yes.

“But what if-”

“I’ll call you back later. Wait for my call, or else.” Maya hung up on him and left him in the silence of his bedroom. He didn’t disagree with her, but it felt wrong to have her essentially help him fix his mistakes with you. His phone started to ring again.

“Hello?”

“Good job Lavender, you've learned to be more responsive. Anyways, Y/n said yes to my offer. You can thank me later. I’ll be sending out the forms you need to fill out and I’ll also be speaking with my mentors if we have any open roles for upcoming performances.”

“Maya! I- I need to tell you something.”

“Alright?”

“My dad said to call-”

“Sure! Just let me hang up on you so I can call the hospital. Alright, bye!” With that Maya hung up on him... again.

Holy shit, Maya was not only giving him a chance of improving himself career wise but also to spend more time with you. Score! He sat up and walked to his desk where his computer was at. He opened his emails and saw Maya already sent him the forms. Page after page of information that he didn’t care about and signatures he needed to place. He was given a second chance again, from a someone who could have destroyed his nonexistent career. From someone, he used to disrespect and view them as below him. He’d make a mental note to hug and thank Maya when he saw her in person.

When the next day arrived, he ran to his kitchen and made breakfast for both his dad and himself. He knew that his dad would have a long shift tonight, so he won’t be home till the day after.

“Morning dad. Here's your breakfast. I also made you your lunch.” Aizawa came down the stairs into the open kitchen and just stared at him for a moment.

“You’re...happy.” Shinsou turned towards him and raised his brow.

“I'm... sorry?”

“N-no that’s.” Aizawa sighed. “Thank you.” They both went about the house and continued to pack their things before heading their separate ways. They said their goodbyes but before Aizawa could leave Shinsou decided to break their routine.

“Thank you for everything dad.” Shinsou hugged his dad briefly before walking off. Aizawa didn't remember the last time saw his son look that happy, nor remember when his son hugged him last, but he wasn't about to complain. It seemed that today was going to be a pretty positive one. He made a mental note to not think of all of the pessimistic ways the day could go bad.

Shinsou bolted towards the train station with a backpack full of notebooks and his lunch. He was practically bouncing with excitement today. The train was packed, people stacked like sardines as they tried to get to their daily commitments. Nothing was able to dampen his mood and it only got better once he got to campus. The moment he laid eyes on his upperclassmen that was right in front of him, he bolted towards her.

“MAYA!”

“Huh? Aaugh!-” Shinsou crashed into the woman giving her a hug.

“Que mierda! Lavanda!” Maya was on the floor with Shinsou laying on top of her.

“Shit! Sorry, Ma-”

“Hi, Maya!...hi Shinsou.” You decided that right now was the best time to make an entrance. From the position you were standing at, it looked like Shinsou was trying to grope Maya. He was on top of her, his hands at the sides of her body. Maya could see you looking at the two of them and gave you an annoyed look. She quickly placed her hands on the sides of her head and bent backwards. Her feet pulled up to her chest and she used her arms to propel herself up in order to kick Shinsou in the stomach with her knees.

“Get off of me, Lavanda. Your girlfriend is watching.” She hissed at him, making sure she was quiet with the second part so you wouldn't hear. Maya got up and dusted herself off while Shinsou held his stomach and tried to catch his breath. She simply stomped her foot next to his face, scaring the shit out of the breathless and gasping man.

“Sup Y/n. I wanted to talk to you for a moment. You don’t mind if I take you away for a bit, right? Hitoshi, do you mind if i take your classmate? No? Awesome.” Maya came up to you and placed her arm around your shoulders, essentially given you an affectionate headlock in the process. She smiled at you, her tired eyes holding a small glint to them.

“Sure, what do you need to tell me?” The two of you walked away leaving Shinsou to catch his breath on the concrete floor. He wanted to thank Maya for helping him out but he guessed he could do that later since the woman was gone.

Maya and you continued to stroll into campus grounds and decided to ahem your conversation in the empty music hall to talk in detail about whatever Maya wanted.

“Heres the paperwork i mentioned yesterday. You should fill it out now.”

“Oh uh, I don’t-”

“Great, here's a pen. Fill it out so you don't forget to do it later.” Maya gave you a small stack of papers to fill out and just sat on the desk nearby. She watched you as you filled in the forms and would at moments make eyecontact with you when you looked up to look at her. You wont lie, she's really intimidating, like a predator analysing her prey. Once you finished the forms you handed them back but she wouldn't take them.

“Uuuh, i done?” Maya just looked at you giving no response to what you were saying.

“I can just-”

“It sucks doesnt it?”

“Excuse me?” Maya got up from her place on the desk and stood infront of you. She was tall. You noticed that she was taller than some of the guys on campus but never found it odd, the one thing that caught your attention was that she was a “role model.” Not in the traditional way though.

“Having someone you trust use you and then throw you away isn’t the nicest feeling in the world. I get it.” Maya didn’t touch you but she did come a bit closer. This time, her face was right next to your own.

“Sometimes you need to move on to improve and in others, you need that person back into your life to help you make that choice obvious.” Maya wasn't one to be sugar coated in the things she said. She was sharp with her words, she wouldn't leave you place to add anything new unless she deemed int right fro you to talk.

“But what if that person did something incredibly horrible.” You didn’t want to cry in front of upperclassmen. This entire situation was a bit bizarre but it felt nice to have someone address it instead of you having to.

“I know what he did Y/n. I saw the messages and the pictures. I know what websites and what profiles all of that shit was on. I know everything about this shitfest.” Maya held out her hand to you, asking for permission to comfort you. You accept her silent offer and allow her to pull you into a hug.

“I’ve been there, how do you think I know all of this? Y/n, I know the person Hitoshi was and I can also see the person that he is now.” She brushed your head, giving you a gentle squeeze as if to tell you you’re safe.

“This isn’t me telling you to forgive Shinsou, if anything I honestly would tell you to kick his shit in for being an asshole.” You started to cry into Maya’s chest.

“I know your still worried for him, so am i.” Why did she have to be so-

“But if you need to kick him out of your life, you need to do so.” Maya pulled back and wiped away your tears with her thumb.

“You know why im saying this, you know what happend to me. If you need, i’ll be there for you.”

“B-...but what if...i dont want to cut him out?” You looked up nervously at your upperclassmen.

You walked around for the past few weeks trying to look for answers. You made the first advance to interact with Shinsou at the sports festival because you wanted to show support for your classmate. It was compulsive and you didn't think about what you were doing. But you kept going. You continued to be the first to interact with him every time. You wanted to be close with him again but didnt know if it was the right decision. It still hurt, everything that he did to you was still affecting you now. You had to private your socials and had to report accounts that would send you rape threats. Your online life was never safe, with the way you dress you always got rude comments, but those were manageble. This was different. These people would continuously pursue you, they would make an account and then another and then another to harras you. You couldn't exist there anymore but Bakugou and all of his friend reassurede you that they would protect you both in person and online.

“Then thats the choice you want to make. I wont stop you. But keep this in mind,” Maya stabilized you so would fully look at her, “no one, and i mean no one.” Maya squeezed your shoulders and shooked you a little.

“No one is worth your emotional health.” This is what everyone meant. Maya was wise for her age, she was young and successful because of her wisdom. If only people knew that the wisdom that she seemed to be blessed with came from nearly dying and being hurt badly. Mentally, emotionally, physically. Maya was what many called “used goods”. She wasn’t the girl with large sparkles on her eyes. She was the person everyone looked to for help. So yes, she was the "role model" in the modern sense of the word. She was a surviver. Everyone listened to a survivor. If they only listened to the victim in the same way.

You knew that already, yet you kept questioning yourself, what else could you do? You knew that when playing with fire you shouldn’t add gas. Everything was going well so you poured everything in hoping to see the flame become it’s own. Instead it consumed you and left you to rot in its wake.

“I know, i know Maya! But i still care about him, i still want to see him get better.” Maya pulled you back into a hug. She knew what you felt. She also wanted to see Shinsou succeed and become the person he wanted to be. She had to admit, you brought so much change when it came to Shinsou and his person. The poor guy when she first met him was an actual wreck. He continuesly got angry with her and at the same time seeked her out for aprovel on his performances. He came in smelling wrank as fuck and she practically had to threaten him to take a shower or he would lose his chance at shadowing her. She learned to play his games and to make sure he remembered his place all at the same time.

She knew what it meant to want to keep someone who hurt you and try to redeem them. But unlike you or Shinsou, she didn’t get to keep that person in her life. She had to say goodbye and move on like nothing had happened. In her eyes, Shinsou was redeemable. She would gladly beat the shit out of him if you asked her to, she’s sure that your little friend Bakugou would also like to join in. But it would be selfish of her to say that to you. You were the one suffering, not her.

She kept her mouth closed and allowed you to continue to cry to your hearts content. You couldn’t let go of her, she just brushed your hair out of your face. Once you calmed down, Maya gave you her water bottle to drink from. She allowed you to stay in the music hall till the next transition period and told you that she’ll speak with your professor about why you were absent.

You saw glimpses of Shinsou throughout your day, most of them were him and Maya talking or what you could assume was talking since the upperclassmen would wag her finger at him. In one instance, you saw Maya grab him by the ear and forced him to sit down to read out loud from a book. You guessed that Maya was just the tough love sort and continued on with your day. The more time passed the more you reaslized how much of your life was defined by helping Shinsou out with basic shit. Helping him say “hello” and “thank you” to the people that would help him, consistently pushing him to wear something different everyday, pushing him to shower. It wasnt like you got a thrill from having him be dependent of you. It was more about wanting to see someone who was in a shit place in life improve themselves and be able to become independent again. You wanted him in your life again and you knew that he also wanted you in his. You didn’t need to pretend that everything was normal, just like Maya said, if something made you feel uncomfortable or endangered your wellbeing you could leave and cut ties. Maya would gladly beat the shit out of Shinsou if he did anything to you.

Maybe it was time to try again.

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