#i know the dance is controversial and i sort of get why

[lookingatacupoftea]

I'm doing a chronological rewatch (starting with Before the Beginning) and just reached S2 current day. Watching the "you were right" dance scene is just so ... I had to stop a couple of times and take a turn about the room like a Jane Austen heroine flustered by the hero’s flirty banter. It's just so intimate and charged.

[heyidkyay]

And I'm petrified of being alone, now |

Part Twenty

Matty Healy x reader

Summary: She’s just trying to get by, really. What with being a single parent to her four year old son whilst simultaneously trying to kick start a successful career as a radio presenter. She’s got everything she’s ever wanted though, friends close by, a mum who’s merely a phone call away, and of course her baby boy. What else is there to wish for? But then, it’s not long before her relatively normal life gets upended and turned on its head, and she’s suddenly forced to deal with situations she’s never even thought to imagine.

What happens when one mention of a certain controversial singer on her show sends a flood of unexpected challenges her way? 

Authors Note: TWENTY. I actually can't believe it. And back with another longer update! Lotssss going on here ngl, but hoping you enjoy it xx

Warnings: Talks of a withdrawal experience and a very very brief mention of suicidal thoughts (past tense)

> Last update: look back here if you'd like!

Masterlist

Matty waited and waited for it to come out. 

For someone to mention it. For the media to catch wind or for the story to blow. He waited and waited, but nothing.

Liar. Liar. Liar.

It was driving him mad.

The reminder echoed in the farthest parts of his mind almost constantly and clouded his every thought.

And to only make matters worse, Teddy had lied too.

And what the fuck kind of man did that make him, hey? What sort of deranged idiot made such promises to a kid? I won’t tell, he’d said. He’d sworn it. 

He’d go back and scream at himself now, if he only could. But life didn’t fucking work that way, did it? And he had never been any good at the whole not fucking up part. He was selfish in that regard.

He could go ahead and blame this whole mess all on just wanting to soothe Teddy, to stop him from crying. Or the hope to simply leave what had happened behind them in a desperate attempt not to hurt her anymore than he already had.

But in the end, it all came down to his own narcissistic needs. It was what made the circle, wasn’t it?

“Matty?”

Matty’s head whipped so hard left that he winced at the slight pull he felt in his neck, turning away from where he’d been staring aimlessly into the mirror. Mouse was stood there, only an arms length away, wearing an apologetic smile on her face. 

Matty wanted to reach out, to touch. To say that he was sorry. But he knew that she’d only chuckle at him in return, all fond and sweet, and then ask him why. 

What have you got to be sorry for, Matty?

God, his heart hurt with it all. It hurt. It hurt.

Fuck did it hurt.

“Babe, you alright?”

He blinked, hard, and then, “Yeah, just, nervous you know?”

She chuckled at him. Exactly like he said she would. All fond and sweet. Lovely, like her.

“Nervous?” Squeaks repeated with one of those infamous smiles of hers, the kind that further stretched the scar going across the bridge of her nose and lit up her entire face.

Matty swallowed thickly at the sight but returned the smile all the same. It killed him, it really did, but he couldn’t say anything about it now. It had been days since it all happened and telling her of it would only hurt her more, he knew that. He knew it. And besides, no one had said a word. No one had mentioned it. So this was his secret to keep, and every relationship had those, didn’t they? His secret- 

And Teddy’s.

At the thought, Matty had to struggle not to throw up what little lined his stomach. 

Mouse stepped forward then, closing that distance between them to finger the collar of the polo he’d chosen only twenty minutes earlier, sorting out the kink he’d made in it when he’d tugged the thing on. 

“Can you blame me?” He finally spoke, gazing down at her now, at the curve of her mouth and the freckles that dotted her right cheek. Can you blame me? He wanted to ask her again, only for an entirely different reason.

She just chuckled once more, the soft sound of it danced in the little space shared between them. “You’ve already met.”

He widened his eyes in very real alarm. “You bein’ serious?”

That laugh again.

“Honestly, Matty. I get why you’re nervous, but it's just Adi.” She patted the collar down flat, hand slipping away to rest on his chest so that she could peer up at him. His own hands went to her hips almost unconsciously and he took a deep breath.

“It’s Finn, too.”

Finn. That had been eating away at him as well, the whole fact that Squeaks had gone out of her way to set up this little meeting for them. So that he could finally meet the man who’d been her best mate since uni and who had basically helped her raise Teddy. 

Typically- i.e. before rehab- he’d deal with a situation like this with a quick hit, a rub of the gums or just a line in the loo to get his head to work the way he wanted it to. So that he wouldn't have to deal with all the emotions that always seemed to want to fuck him over. But he couldn’t do that. Knew he wouldn’t. Didn’t stop the fucking itch though, did it.

“Yes, it’s Finn too.” Matty tuned back in at the sound of her somewhat amused voice, he found that she was pursuing her mouth at him to hide her growing grin. “But it’s just that, just Finn. You don’t have to stress. Honestly, the most you’ll get is a hard glare or a few pushy questions, but then he’ll be sound. Love you even.”

Love.

Matty’s mind lingered on the word for a moment, but she was smiling now, looking up at him with those eyes of hers. He lifted a hand to stroke along the edge of her cheek, trailing a thumb over a faint pink line that was covered up slightly by makeup, and wondered what she would say if he just told her now.

“I find that hard to believe,” He answered instead, watching the movement his hand made before his eyes flickered back to meet hers, “People either love me or hate me, you see.”

“Oh, is that so?” Squeaks laughed, the hand not resting on his chest moving to circle his wrist. “Bit egotistical of you to assume you mean that much to everyone you meet. I mean, I doubt the postman gives you a second thought, lovely.”

Matty reeled his head back a tad with that, pursing his lips at her words even though he loved it when she teased him like this. “You not heard any of my songs?”

He was gifted an airy snort in return and she then patted his chest before stepping away. Matty watched on as his hand slipped from her cheek. 

“I have, which is why I’m not too surprised that you’ve worked yourself up about this so much.” He saw her smirk and then she tutted at him, “Always one for theatrics, Matthew.”

He lunged then in a playful attempt to grab at her, but she jumped away with a gleeful laugh and a second to spare, scurrying back into the living room before his fingers could capture the t-shirt she’d chosen to wear- a vintage band tee, one of his he reminded himself.

“We’re off soon,” She called out not a second later, leaving him standing there alone in the hallway once more, “So make sure you’re ready to leave, your highness!”

Matty huffed a small laugh and then took a deep breath. He could do this, if not for himself then for her.

–

As expected, Finn did give him a hard time. 

The pair of them had wandered into the studio not long after Squeaks had dropped Teddy off at nursery, Matty waiting in the car this time around so as to not be seen, and found Adi already there with the mysterious Finn lounging on the settee, looking so at home. 

He was a good looking guy, Matty had noticed that first. Rugged and built a bit like that of a rugby player. He had a beard as full as the hair on his head, a rival to Ross’s own, and was far from what Matty had been first expecting in truth. 

When Squeaks had said that the guy was an artist, he’d automatically pictured some lanky fella, maybe with wired frames or a ponytail. But Finn was nothing of the sort, in fact he might’ve been the total opposite, and that made meeting him all the more unnerving. Because Matty hadn’t quite prepared for this.

Finn had a good few inches on him too, which was hard to miss and made it that much harder for Matty to not be as intimated as he wanted to be. A kick to that old ego of his Squeaks had mentioned earlier, but Matty could admit to feeling a bit out of his league amongst the guy, if only to himself.

The meeting had started off with the usual ‘you hurt her, I’ll hurt you’ warning, then trailed onto simple introduction and conversation starters. But Matty was well aware of these carefully arranged stares that never seemed to stray as time ticked on, which put him on edge and had him clenching down on his jaw hard enough to keep from biting at the bloke.

But the looks had ebbed slowly. Finn relaxed, bit by bit. And Matty? Matty tried his fucking hardest to make himself more than likeable. He attempted to mention Finn’s work and his own interest in art, which hadn’t gone down as well as he’d liked, he’d admit. So he’d quickly made do and switched tactics, asking him if he was interested in football at all, but of course the guy just had to be a sodding Sunderland supporter. As if Matty hadn’t already been pulling at teeth. 

It was just after that though, that Finn took the opportunity to finally seek a change in pace, and Matty had honest to God been thankful for the sudden interest Finn took in him, the man leaning forward in his seat ever so slightly and looking as though he wanted to ask him a question. 

And he did, only, it was one Matty hadn’t exactly been expecting so soon.

“So, you really clean then?”

Matty didn’t think he’d ever forget the way the entire room fell silent at that.

Finn’s voice was gruff, northern much like his own but more so. His words pooled out of his mouth so clumped together but low enough that his tone could be mistaken for soft, though only if you were stupid enough not to notice the harsh grunt behind them. 

Matty blinked back at him, honestly not at all ashamed to admit that the question had caught him off guard. Though, maybe he should’ve been expecting it. It was a question he’d come to hear as often as ‘How’re you?’ since he’d gotten out of his first stint in rehab. 

But still, now? In a space he’d come to feel a comfort in, around people he’d grown so close to? It made him feel like an imposter. Like he was just playing pretend here until everything in his life went tits up again.

“Finn, what the fuck?”

Pulling his gaze away, Matty turned to find Squeaks glaring at her mate, who was still sat on the settee, looking perfectly content with it all.

“You being serious?” She continued on, having paused her conversation with Adi entirely to level Finn with a stare that made even Matty nervous, “Where’d you get off on asking him that? Quite rightly, I don't think it’s any of your business.”

“Like fuck, it isn’t. He’s dating you, in’t he?” Finn immediately shot back at her and Matty watched on as Adi mirrored his exact movements, head rolling back over to where Finn met Mouse’s glare head on with one of his own. Only, his wasn’t fueled by anger, instead a stern sort of seriousness Matty had only ever really witnessed as a kid on his Grandad, who’d been a proud and stubborn man.

Mouse scoffed and shook her head at him, “Exactly, he’s dating me. Last time I checked, you weren’t included in that description.”

“I’m your mate, Mouse.” The man was quick to defend, looking hurt now. “It’s my job to look out for you, and I don’t care if that pisses you off. The shit I’ve heard about him ain't at all good and, in truth, I entertained all of it in the beginning, but I never actually once thought you’d end up fucking him.”

Another eerie silence wreaked havoc on the unsteady atmosphere.

“What’s that meant to mean?”

She was calm now, none of that revving rage spurring her voice on like it had done just moments earlier. Matty didn’t know how this would end, only that he’d never heard her speak like that in all the time she’d known him.

“What’s it meant to- what do you think it means! Exactly that.” Finn fired back at her, steeling his already hardened eyes, “You were getting back out there, flirting and texting. Just having a fuckin’ good time for once! And that was all nice and well, but now you tell me you’re actually with him? That you're making a go of it?” He barked out a sharp laugh, “What happens when he fucks everything up and uses again? You planning to be there for him when it all falls down around you? ‘Cause it’s only a matter of time, Mouse. Let me tell you.”

That hit. Hard.

Enough so that Matty surprised even himself at the suddenness of his voice, harsh but steady in the cautious quiet that had engulfed them all and splintering the growing rift between the two friends. “Where do you get off on saying that then?”

He met the other man’s eyes and noted the displeasure which swam in them.

“Nah, honestly ‘cause I’d really like to know. You have no idea what the fuck I’ve done, what I’ve been through, only what you’ve seen in the media. Yeah?” Matty barrelled on, pushing forward in his seat so that he could rest his forearms on the tops of his knees, actively trying not to show just how much the bloke’s assumptions had hindered him. “So go on then, tell me. Tell me what you’ve worked out about me in the past half hour that you’ve had to actually get to know me.”

Matty received a mirthless snuff in return, along with a slight shake of head, “Not much to add that I haven’t already said.”

Matty licked at his lower lip then because he knew if he didn’t take a second to think he’d lash out, fuck things up more than they already had been. After, he lifted his chin up at the other man in a slow nod.

“Right, yeah, because I haven’t just sat here making an arse out of myself, trying to find some common ground with you.” He gave a short humourless laugh that seemed to flood the studio, “But I'm gonna remind you of something, I’m only here for her, and her alone. So you can save all your jokes and your tragic fucking questions, alright? Because it’s one thing to actually want to know for her wellbeing, and even Teddy’s fucking safety. But to throw it in my face is another fucking thing, mate.”

Matty stood up at that, on shaky legs yes, but who did he have to fucking admit that to? Then patted down his pockets in search of a fucking smoke, shifting past the too large coffee table in the suddenly too small room to make his exit. 

He took another small breath though, a much needed one in fact, when he passed by Squeaks, who was sat there looking so angry and lost and humiliated, and didn’t even have to force himself to give her a pained sort of smile as he did. He didn’t dare touch her though, not sure if she’d want it, but did say, “I’ll be outside.”

She swallowed thickly in turn, Matty saw the motion of it as her throat bobbed and she turned to look up into his eyes. He was quick to look away, hands itching for something to hit, to cling to. 

The steel staircase was a welcome sight, even with their too many flights, but the kerbed sidestreet sat beyond it was one better. Matty all but gasped for breath the second he pushed through the heavy door, eager to relieve the ache crushing his lungs and burning a hole in his chest.

Childishly he kicked out some of that restrained aggression on the brick wall of the building a second later, revelling in the ringing pain which radiated up through his foot and to his leg, then did so again until he calmed enough to yank his pack from his jacket pocket and fall against it.

The fuck did the twat get off on saying shit like that to him? A stranger to boot. Fair enough, think it all you like, wouldn’t affect him then, he could honestly give less of a shit, but to his face? That was fucking brave. Tactless. 

Matty scoffed at the whirlwind of thoughts his mind was made up of, teeth cutting into the tip of his tongue as he scraped the muscle along their ridged edge.

He couldn’t help but linger on Finn’s words though, wondering if that really was all that he was good for. A fun time, or a quick line. Some faceless person on a drunken one night stand, or the famous singer some fan was hoping to bag. 

Matty had his phone in hand and his contact list pulled up before he could even realise it, the gesture second nature to him now. Something goes wrong? Call the closest dealer. That was the way it went, the way it had always gone.

But he couldn’t, not this time. He’d said he’d stick with it, he said he would. And there was still a chance. There was still a shitty piece of hope that had managed to lodge its way inside his chest telling him that Squeaks could still stick around, wasn’t there?

He laughed to himself at the mere idea of it. At how stupid he must’ve seemed, back there. To a man who’d probably never had to feel the mind numbing shakes of withdrawal or a paranoia that stretched a mile long. Who’d never been forced to deal with hallucinations that made you borderline suicidal, or an imminent need to peel the skin from off your bones.

Matty felt sick with it all. Hands trembling with the anger and anxiety he felt as he raised them up towards his face to light his fag.

He was fucking trying.

God, was he trying. And yet, people still asked for more than that. 

Where the fuck did Finn get off on cornering him like some little kid anyway? On looking down on him like some junkie sprawled out on a slab step up on the high street?

It fucking angered him, filled him with this senseless rage and evident misery that everything would soon come crushing down around him.

Things were too good to be true.

He knew that fact like he knew his own face.

It was only after he’d managed to dwindle his fag right down to the very nub that Matty realised he’d been sat on the kerb, head hanging between his knees, whilst the rest of the world had seemingly carried on around him, none the wiser to him and his many issues. He only seemed to register it though when the familiar sound of the studio’s heavy door squeaked open, hinges piercing down the hushed sidestreet. 

She joined him there on the pavement after a moment's hesitation, a moment he wouldn’t dare admit gnawed at his heart.

“I want to say sorry for Finn, but I know you wouldn’t care much for that.”

Matty wanted to laugh at her opening, at least he could say that she knew him that much.

She merely sighed though when he kept quiet and revelled in the way her elbow brushed against the side of his arm, lighting up each nerve that laid there. “He claims he’s being protective, but even I knew he was acting like a prick.”

Matty just hummed, already drawing another cigarette from his battered box. A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth though when she thieved one for herself.

“Honestly, I don’t know what the fuck to say.” She admitted after allowing him to light its end, which was something he appreciated, seeing as how he was in the same fucking boat with that. “I just, I don’t know. I wish he’d have voiced his concerns a bit better, or at least to me before I went and arranged this whole shit show.”

Matty chewed on the inside of his cheek, weighing her words as he took another drag. He let the smoke fester and fill his mouth, coating his tongue before he finally hummed once more.

Though it seemed like she’d already gotten sick of that. “That all I’m gonna get then, just a hm?”

It was his turn to sigh then and a swirl of grey escaped with it. 

“What do you want me to say, Mouse?”

She frowned, although he didn’t know exactly why, before pulling her attention down towards the gravel road. She shrugged the shoulder nearest to him and said, “That it didn’t bother you. That you know he’s just a prat who’s acting the big brother. That you don’t really believe a word he says is true.”

Matty turned to peer over at her then, cigarette hand resting on the knob of his knee, smouldering in the light breeze. “Then I’d be lying.”

But you’re already a liar, his head screamed. 

What’s one, or two more?

He looked away from her at that, nose suddenly stinging as his eyes began to itch. Then quickly took another drag. 

She shuffled closer, jeans scratching at the grit of the kerb beneath them, and he was only slightly surprised when she laid her head to rest on the curve of his arm. “Does it matter? What Finn thinks, or what anyone thinks?”

How could it not? He wanted to ask her.

“I don’t know, Squeaks.” He replied instead, noting how she smiled sadly before she raised her fag up to her mouth. 

“I’m happy, Matty. Happier than I’ve been in a long time.” She revealed to him, a quiet whisper catching on the wind. Matty could hear the honesty in her words, the kind that thawed at the emotional wall he’d been building between himself and the rest of the world since he were a kid. “Are you?”

And that was the punch that sent it all falling. 

Was he happy?

He thought so, maybe more than he’d ever truly been.

So he told her that, voice thick as a wall of broken bricks settled around him. And although he kept on looking straight, he took her hand in his, “Yeah. I am.”

—

The days that followed ‘Finn’s Fucked Up Fuck-Up’- as I’d come to dub it as- were rocky, to say the very least. 

Matty had pulled away from me slightly, claiming that he had studio time and album stuff to work on, whilst I was busy ignoring my best friend. Which was a rather hard task to do when you were so used to having a constant rapport with someone. 

In truth, the whole thing was eating me up inside, but I knew it would turn around sooner or later. Things couldn’t get worse than they already had. 

And I had to believe that. 

“You seem down, ma chérie.”

I picked at the corner edge of the settee. It was one of those odd days, where everything appeared so quiet and you were left with nothing much that was worth doing. 

Teddy was already at nursery, Matty had texted to say that he was with Jamie, and Adi had gone to see her Grandmother. 

It had been a long while since I’d not had a day packed full of work, even my email box sat strangely empty. Which had left me on the sofa with fuck all to do until I had to go a pick up Teds again. But then I’d received a call from my mum.

“Non, not down. Just, things are a bit hectic at the moment.” I replied to her, smiling in the hopes that it would somehow ease all her worries, but that frown she wore held fast.

“Parle-moi, je t'en prie.” She sighed, shaking her head at me, or rather the situation, “How can I help when you won’t talk to me?”

My mouth wrinkled as I cast my eyes about the rest of the room. I didn’t want to talk about it with her, or at all in truth. But she had a way of forcing things out of me and I knew that she’d see the situation for what it was, so I ended up relaying the last few weeks of my life to her and waited impatiently to see how she’d react.

I received only a soft hum from her at first, her attention focused on something above the camera for a long moment before it trailed back on over to me. “I don’t know much of him, this Matty of yours, ma Souris. You know I only read my newspaper each morning and steer clear of the web.” 

I smiled at that, the web, it reminded me of days back home and the route I’d had to walk to get a decent signal before she had finally agreed to fitting the wifi. She continued on though, none the wiser to the train my thoughts had wandered onto.

“He seemed to make you happy when I came to visit, and I witnessed how he was with Teddy. I knew then that he felt something for you, but you, you have always been so hard to read.” She tittered softly at that, smiling at me through a screen, and not for the first time did I wish that she wasn’t so far away. “It was in the kitchen though, that I realised you felt the same. Although, I don’t think you knew it.”

I rolled my eyes, the tiny beginnings of a smile playing on my lips. “We were friends.”

“Ah les amis!” She tutted, not daring to speak the English word as she waved my sorry attempt at a defence away, “You two were never just that, not really. I told you from the start, non? You were glowing, chérie. I knew it like the sun knows the sky, that he would be it for you.”

I swallowed heavily at the surety in her tone and then glanced away, fingers tightening around my phone.

“Souris, I adore Finn, you know that. But do not allow his words to mar what you feel. If this Matty feels the same way then he won’t let it either. Things will work out, one way or another. Tu verras.”

–

He looked good. That was the first thought that hit me when I rounded the corner only to instantly spot him.

He was stood, grinning softly over at George, who appeared to be spinning some kind of tale or other whilst the pair of them smoked outside of the studio they’d been hiding away in. It was an obsolete building, dull and grey, and had a low metal fencing just beyond the main entrance.

Matty wore his usual wash of denim, along with a shirt just a darker shade of blue beneath an old leather bomber. I smiled at the sight of him, and took a second to steel myself.

Even though it had only been a couple of days since I’d seen Matty last, I really had missed the insolent idiot. 

“Oi aren’t you from that one band?”

Both Matty and George seemed to jump at the sound of my teasing lilt, heads shooting up over to find that it was just me standing there with a grin. I snorted at the looks on the pair of their faces, eyes as wide as dinner plates and jaws ajar. 

“Christ, you scared the shit outta me.” Matty breathed, shaking his head at me even though he was now sporting the beginnings of a grin, I felt a weight slip off my shoulders at the sight of it. “What are you even doing here?”

Wanting to dampen my pleased little smile, I pulled my mouth up to one side as Matty roped me into a hug, glad that he actually seemed happy to see me. 

I buried my face into his shoulder and felt him relax a fraction in my hold, it made me wonder if he’d been feeling a similar way. 

It had been hard, not knowing what would come next for us after the whole Finn fiasco, but seeing Matty now only further proved to me that I really wanted things to work out between us. He made things brighter, made me want for myself for the first time in a long time.

“Jamie mentioned you were recording, so I asked what time you might be wrapping up.” I answered him with a small shrug, pulling away to smile over at George in hello but more than grateful for the arm that Matty kept wrapped around me. “That alright?”

I was ashamed to admit that it had been a very real fear, one which had almost made me turn around a couple of times on my over, but I was glad now that I hadn’t.

“‘Course it’s alright, you pillock. You’re always welcome here.” 

I blinked in slight surprise, because it hadn’t been Matty that had chosen to reply to me, but George. “Oh.”

The drummer snorted, thoroughly amused, it seemed, by my monosyllabic response. Matty chuckled too, dipping his head down to brush his nose against my temple and press a slow kiss to my cheek. I almost held my breath, having missed having him so close.

“Missed you.” He murmured to me quietly, almost as though he’d just gone and read my mind, but then he was drawing away again. Not too far though, instead he moved to stand behind me and allowed his arms to hang over both my shoulders. 

I smiled, contented, and he raised his lit cigarette to my lips in a silent offer. I took a small drag, feeling a flush rush to my face when I caught the way George stood smirking at the pair of us. 

I lifted a hand up to encase one of Matty’s forearms, enjoying the way he pulled me in even closer so that I could lean against him, his chin coming to rest on the top of my head. 

“How’s it been going then?” I asked and the two of them were quick to delve into an explanation on their newest song, jumping over one another’s sentences in their giddiness to finally tell someone else about what they’d been working on. 

And just like that things seemed to slot back into place. 

It wasn’t too long later that George said to Matty that he could go ahead and leave, letting us know that he’d be heading back inside to clean up the track they’d been playing with, and Matty hadn’t argued. Instead, he’d grinned down at me as he took hold of my hand, cheersing George before we said our goodbyes. 

Together, we ended up in a little coffee shop a street or two away. Matty had wanted to surprise me with the order, so I had stood by the window and waited whilst he’d gone to pay. He handed me a cup full of something sweet once he’d returned, more sugar than anything else in truth, but I liked it all the same and sipped on it slowly whilst he’d led us back through the bustling streets towards a neighbouring park.

It was almost freeing to be out like this with him, seeing him smile and laugh whilst we simply walked with no real destination in mind. It was not an image most typically saw of Matty, that I knew. On stage he wore his front like armour, when there were cameras he was cocksure and arrogant, but then, in small moments with me, he appeared only settled.

“How’s Teddy?” Matty asked me soon enough. He looked over at me with this odd sort of expression, genuinely curious as well as concerned, and my heart melted a tad.

I returned the soft smile he gave, “Good. Missing this weirdo we’ve gotten used to hanging about, but he’s been happy.”

Matty rolled his eyes and nudged my shoulder with his own, swaying alongside me. He peered down at his almost empty coffee cup, tapping at its cardboard edge. “Has he said anything?”

I frowned over at him, “What, about you being gone?”

He peered back, eyes flickering left and right between my own before he ultimately nodded his head just the once.

Pursing my lips, I thought his question over. “He asked if we could call you a couple times, and if you were popping round. But other than that, he’s been fine with us just texting. Laughed himself blue in the face when he saw that picture you sent him yesterday.”

Matty snorted. “What, ‘cause I trod in dog shit?”

I hummed, then peered down at his feet, glad to see that he wasn't still wearing the boots he’d shown us the day previous. Matty rolled his eyes, catching on to what I’d been doing.

“And you?” He then asked, as the two of us strolled around a slow bend.

I glanced over at him, glad to see him already looking back, “I missed you.”

It was brave of me to say. I didn’t much like being vulnerable, but with him, he almost made it easy. 

Matty smiled. This soft, sure thing. Then looped an arm around my shoulders to tug me in, I let myself hug his waist as I leant further into his side, grinning stupidly when he said, “Missed you too, Squeaks.”

…

Matty followed me home after our impromptu coffee date and we talked some more all the walk there, mostly just content to be in one another's company again. And when it was time to pick Teddy from nursery, he waited at the flat for us both. He had been on the sofa when I’d left, but I noticed that there was a savoury smell filling the air the minute I returned.

I glanced down at my son, who seemed to be none the wiser to it, still chattering on about the new toy his class had been given whilst he tugged off his coat.

“Shoes too, please.”

Teddy hummed at me, smiling away as he hurriedly kicked them off. “We watch tele ‘night?” He asked, bouncing on the balls of his feet as he waited for me to pull off my own boots and follow. 

I chuckled and ran a hand through his windswept hair, remembering the conversation we’d had that same morning, “Promised, didn’t I?”

Teddy uhuhed and nodded up at me, before spinning around to probably make a beeline for the living room, as he tended to often do. Though he stopped short when he caught a glimpse of a certain curly headed someone who had taken up perch against the door frame there.

“Matty!” Teddy practically shouted before he ran full pelt towards the man who was swift enough to grab him by the arms and hoist him up.

Matty made a wounded sound when Teddy squeezed him into a tight hug, then chuckled to himself as he rubbed a hand down Teddy’s back, “Alright, monster?” 

And with that a dam of questions flooded the flat as Teddy wanted to know about everything and anything he had missed in the short time they had spent apart.

I knew that alone should’ve worried me. As well as how clingy Teddy suddenly became as the night continued on, but when I saw the way the two of them interacted with one another, Teds always eager to have Matty in his presence and Matty forever looking fond, I couldn’t help but brush the thoughts away. 

We spent the rest of our evening together, Matty had somehow managed to wrangle up a couple servings of a creamy pasta bake- one he appeared to have made, going off of the mountain of plates in my sink. Which had been as endearing as it was startling, leading me to question how he’d done it… His mum, apparently. Who had been surprised by his sudden call and the need to cook, as well as the reasoning behind it.

“She knows about me then?” I wondered, twirling with my fork whilst the three of us ate, the radio playing low.

Matty looked over at me, almost bashfully, and shrugged, “Sort of.”

I couldn’t help my laughter, “Sort of? What’s that meant to mean?”

“She knows I’m seeing someone,” He answered with a gentle smile and a roll of his eyes, “And that, I’m serious about it.” He spoke that next bit slowly, almost a little apprehensive, which only widened my growing grin.

I wiggled my brows teasingly, but stayed quiet as I wanted him to go on.

Matty merely chuckled as he shrugged again, “Yeah. She’s just excited for us, for me- which feels weird. Wants to meet you, too.”

I tried to hide my sudden nervousness, I’d never done the whole meet your boyfriend’s parents thing. “Why’s it feel weird?” I asked instead of lingering on it, ‘cross that bridge when you get to it’ and all that shit.

Matty glanced over to Teddy who appeared to be trying his best to see around the kitchen doorway and into the living room where the tele was still on. He gave a warm smile at the sight.

“Just not something I’ve experienced in a long time, I guess. I love her, I do, but she knows firsthand how deep I was in with everything. Felt like she’d given up on me at one point, to be honest. So, having her, I don’t know, say that she’s excited for me, makes it seem like she’s proud almost.”

I reached over the table to take his hand and squeezed, “She is.”

Matty let the topic go after that, tickling Teddy’s side to get his attention and remind him of his dinner, telling him we’d watch tele in a bit. Which was exactly what we did once we’d washed up and dried off, the three of us bundled up on the settee together whilst Hook played. 

Matty talked my ear off about Spielberg as the opening titles ran, and then about how if he could have ever been in a film as a kid he’d have wanted to act alongside Robin Williams. Teddy listened, enraptured by his every word, and all the more excited to watch what Matty had deemed a classic.

I made popcorn halfway through when Teddy had needed the loo, Matty running in just after him and shouting out not to press play again until he was there.

By the end of it, Teddy was falling asleep on Matty’s shoulder whilst the man stared at the tv screen, watching quietly as Peter called out for Tink under the statue.

I was happy enough to just watch them though, smiling softly at the picture they painted, Teddy’s little hand holding onto Matty’s and Matty’s arm wrapped around Teds.

When the final credits rolled, Matty sniffed and peered down to find a dozing Teddy, the boy’s mouth open as he breathed out soft puffs of air.

“Here,” I went to say, sitting up to take him, but Matty was already moving, albeit carefully so as to not wake him, shaking his head at me.

“I’ve got him.”

My breath hitched at those three words, insignificant to anyone else, but everything to me.

Matty gave a soundless chuckle once he’d positioned Teddy in his arms, pressing a kiss to his curls before putting him to bed. I followed after them once I’d turned off the tele, shuffling quietly over the wooden floors, I paused though just before I got to Teddy’s door, surprised to hear voices coming from inside.

“You liked it then?”

I heard Teddy give a quiet hum in return, as well as the slight ruffle of bedsheets. “Was nice.”

“Just nice?” Matty chuckled lowly and I could picture him tucking Teddy in before taking a seat on the mattress beside him. 

“I liked that he came home.” Teddy murmured and then it was Matty’s turn to hum.

“Me too, he got to see all of his family again.”

There was a quiet lull, before, “‘Cause they love him?”

I could hear the smile in Matty’s next words, “They do. Very much, I reckon. As much as your mum loves you.”

“I love her.”

A teary smile broke out on my face at that and my eyes stung with it, forever warmed by how sweet Teddy could be.

Then, “You love me, Matty?”

My next breath lodged itself in the back of my throat at Teddy’s simple question whilst Matty fell utterly silent.

It felt as though all the air had not just been sucked out the room, but the entire flat as I stood there by the door just listening.

But then there was the faintest sound and I knew that Matty had pressed a kiss to Teddy’s head, “‘Course I do. I love you a whole lot, monster.”

Teddy must have been fighting to stay awake then but eventually I heard him speak again, his voice muffled with sleep, “Love you too, Matty.”

I don’t know how long until I heard movement again, only that my heart pounded hard in my chest whilst the blood in my ears roared. I had known for a long time now how fond Matty was of Teddy, it was all too easy to recognise, but to hear him say that he loved him. That he loved my little boy. Was something I hadn’t really ever expected.

But that was just who Matty was, I thought, he loved. Wholeheartedly. And I supposed it had only been a matter of time before he let Teddy know.

I visibly startled when Matty appeared in the doorway, pulling the door quietly shut behind him. He blinked when he caught me there too, but I didn’t give him much time to question me, only sprang forward when the latch clicked to kiss him.

Matty returned it easily enough, fingers moving to thread through my hair, keeping up with my hasty pace before he managed to slow us down, kissing me deeper and deeper before pulling away with a soft and deliberate peck.

His breath came out in pants, fanning over my lips as he kept us close, pressing his forehead to mine. “What was that for?”

“Because I love you.”

I couldn’t believe I’d been the one to say it first, but how could I not? After all that I’d heard. And in truth, it had just come out.

“What?” He whispered, eyes unblinking as he waited for me to take the words back. I half expected him to pull away, to laugh it off, or just kiss me once more, but that was his only question.

I took his chin between my fingertips, gaze flickering down to his lips then back up into the heady brown that was so focused on me. “I love you.” I murmured again, heart beating loud enough that I feared he could hear it.

But Matty only pushed forward, nose catching on my own as he shook his head ever so softly. “You mean it.”

It wasn’t a question.

“I mean it.”

Then Matty was grinning, bright and unashamed, catching my breath all over again before he pushed forward to press his mouth against mine.

“I fucking love you.” He said, giddy as his hands cradled my face, chuckling away in disbelief. “God, do I.”

Then I was chuckling too, thumb brushing over his bottom lip as I stared up into his squinted eyes. “Stay?”

And Matty nodded, as though it was that easy, hands falling to my thighs. “Jump.” He told me, and so I did, letting him kiss me again in the dimly lit hallway that he’d just told me he loved me in.

He loved me.

[gloomybubbletea]

Once More to See You- Hwang Hyunjin

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ ⋆✦⋆ ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Synopsis: As an idol, you feel as if your every move gets judged when reporters and fans are always trying to uncover something scandalous, and usually always fail to do so. Under these circumstances are you still willing to hide your love, for the sake of not only yours… but for his reputation?

Pairing: Hyunjin x Reader

Genre/AU: Angst, a pinch of fluff, Idol AU, Reader is an idol

Trope: Forbidden Love

Word Count: 1.8K

It had officially been an entire week since the media had blown up due to recent controversy over whether or not you and Hyunjin were in a relationship. Photo after photo, and article after article psychoanalyzing the two of you. Your behavior, your guy's body language, and even the way the two of you would look at each other. You had dreaded this day, but you knew it was to come soon. The day both of your managers as well as the two of you were to be called down to the company to discuss this controversy.

It had officially been an entire week since the media had blown up due to recent controversy over whether or not you and Hyunjin were in a relationship. Photo after photo, and article after article psychoanalyzing the two of you. Your behavior, your guy's body language, and even the way the two of you would look at each other. You had dreaded this day, but you knew it was to come soon. The day both of your managers as well as the two of you were to be called down to the company to discuss this controversy.

It had officially been an entire week since the media had blown up due to recent controversy over whether or not you and Hyunjin were in a relationship. Photo after photo, and article after article psychoanalyzing the two of you. Your behavior, your guy's body language, and even the way the two of you would look at each other. You had dreaded this day, but you knew it was to come soon. The day both of your managers as well as the two of you were to be called down to the company to discuss this controversy.

You picked at the skin of your fingertips as the silence began to swallow you whole. The two of you sat right next to each other but refused to even sneak a glance at one another because you both know what is to come with this meeting.

In the midst of all this, you couldn’t help but let your mind wander as you thought about when the two of you first met.

——————————————

You were exhausted, and it showed. The whole group had been preparing for months for this new comeback, but it was the weekend and you were prepared to go home. Heading into the elevator you yawned. It was a normal day, you thought nothing of this.

That was until the elevator door began to close, and you heard him yell, “Wait wait! don’t let that door close!”

Quickly you put your foot towards the entrance to stop the elevator door from closing, he made it in. “Thank you!” He said gratefully.

Hyunjin was his name, he was with stray kids in the first division. His hair looked like it was growing into a mullet, and a baggie white shirt along with jeans is what he was wearing. You had never spoken to him, to say that he was intimidating was an understatement. Hyunjin was a big deal around the company due to his visuals, dancing, and singing. Of course, speaking to him would be nerve-wracking.

So you bit your tongue, stared at the glowing sign of numbers, and waited until you got to your floor.

“You guys preparing for a new comeback?” He asked, breaking this uncomfortable silence. It was an innocent yet simple question. You didn’t know why you were so surprised that he had even wanted to speak to you.

Nonetheless, you answered with a hum in response, “Yea, things have been really busy and tiring, but it’ll all be worth it in the end.” you paused, “I think.”

He had chuckled at your response, and for some reason, your heart had softened at the sound of it, and so you chuckled back. Not too long after the elevator stopped at this floor. You didn’t know why but something in you felt a sort of longing.

Was this the last time you were ever going to speak to him?

He had begun to walk off but before leaving he paused for a second and turned to you, “This might seem a bit weird, but I’m a big fan of your guys' music. Is it possible we could exchange numbers?” You couldn’t quite explain it, but the look on his face was irresistible, you couldn’t have possibly said no.

You had even stumbled on your words as you agreed to his request, and with that, he turned and left.

That wasn’t the end of your guy's interactions, the two of you had inevitably got closer as you guys texted. Texting led to hangouts and getting to know each other and his interests it was where he showed you his paintings, and you showed him the songs that had been collecting dust in your notebook. The two of you would do skin care together sometimes applying each other’s clay mask. Sleepovers as friends, lunch dates where the two of you snook into a practice room, and late-night calls where the two of you would fall asleep.

As the two of you had grown closer and closer, you couldn’t help but feel your feelings growing more and more for him. But you weren’t alone.

Eventually one day, it all clicked into place. It was the night of an award show, and the both of you were in the back of a car together with the windows down as per request. The wind was dancing through his hair perfectly, your stomach fluttered as you stared at your friend in awe. He was still wearing makeup from the show, and his hair was still up in a half ponytail. His hair had grown so long from your first meeting.

You wonder to yourself if he had always been so beautiful. Maybe it was the adrenaline from performing that was taking over but you took a moment to study his face. How his features tied perfectly together, how his eyes would soften when he looked at something he loved, how the lights complimented his skin, shining a light on his lips. He was glowing, kind, and so damn pretty it hurt you to think about it.

You hadn’t even realized you were staring for that long until he had finally turned to you and tilted his head a bit. Embarrassed, you quickly looked away, only to then feel his hand on yours. Words could never explain how heavy your heart had felt, as it fluttered and danced. Your cheeks burned red through your makeup as you looked back at him, squeezing his hand in return. Then looking back out the window.

You were in love with your best friend, and he was in love with you.

Shit.

-

The door behind you both had opened pulling you out of your thoughts. Your stomach filled with anxiety as your eyes met with the man who had called you all for this meeting.

As he greeted the both of you and began sorting a through few of the papers on his desk. You couldn't help but wonder the number of times he’s had to deal with something like this, but that question spoke for itself with the way he went about things. To him, this was just another normal day.

“I can assume that we all are under tight schedules today, so I’ll make this quick.” He gives you both a sigh as his eyes met the two of you. “I assume you both know why I called you all here today, correct?”

You nod, and you noticed that for some reason you can’t seem to allow yourself to look up at the man speaking. This man is about to make or break your career and/or relationship entirely and there was nothing you could do about it. Suddenly, you’re a child again, never breaking eye contact with the ground as your mother scolds you for your mistake. No matter what the situation was you just could never look her in the eye.

“It has come to our attention that there has recent controversy regarding the two of you, is that correct?” He asks.

You only reply with a nod.

He sighs again, “I’m going to be honest with you two here, I’ve worked with this company for a long time. Dealing with scandals like these is just as frequent as breathing for me at this point.” He paused. “With that being said, I understand that these pictures might be taken out of context, or at least I hope they would be.”

He pauses again but this time his entire Demeter changes, “The two of you are aware that both of your contracts state that dating is strictly prohibited, and if these rumors are true then I will have no choice but to have both of your contracts terminated, correct?”

It hits you suddenly, every word that comes out of this man’s mouth is a threat, he was trying to scare you guys, “Have I made myself clear?” He asks again, but this time with a stern tone in his voice.

Anger bubbles within you, you knew what he was trying to do, and you weren’t about to let yourself be pushed around by some guy who thinks he has a right to bully you into doing things you wouldn’t dream of doing because being with Hyunjin was something that made you truly happy, the moments you shared with him were things you were always going to treasure. You weren’t about to give that up just because-

“Yes, Sir.” The man next to you finally spoke.

Your heart dropped, disbelief had been written all over your face. You could try to find the words to describe the feeling of betrayal that lingers within the depths of your stomach, but it would be useless. Yet, It erupts throughout your entire body as you finally break eye contact with the floor and look at him. This was the same man who had promised you the world, the one who cuddled you to sleep when you were at your lowest, the one who you had kissed so many times because deep down inside you were always aware something like this was bound to happen.

Meanwhile, the man in front of you had his eyes on you. You can only imagine the smug look on his face, but you weren’t about to give him what he wanted. You would rather die. “She understands, we apologize for all this trouble this must’ve caused you. I’ll make sure this never happens again” This time it was your manager who spoke up.

You finally look at him, “I would hope so.” He sighs, “I advise that the two of you stop whatever is going on here. I’ve seen the two of you at work; both are phenomenal artists. It would truly be a shame to have to fire and blacklist you from the company over some… silly scandal like this one.” From the corner of your eye, you watch as Hyunjin nods his head.

You feel as if the emotions within you have come to a breaking point, at any moment now you will be breaking down and you needed to get out of here quickly.

“Very well then, you are both dismissed.”

You wasted no time in getting up and leaving you needed to get out of there, you needed to be anywhere but there. You just wanted to disappear.

Had you been a fool to think he would’ve chosen you over his career? All those times you two stayed up talking about a future together, in which you both would’ve built up the courage to come out as a couple. All the hate, stares, and threats would have been worth it if it meant the two of you could finally stop hiding. But again, you had been disappointed.

[thewertsearch]

Ask Comp 25/8

Aw, thank you! Sometimes I actually think I overdo it a little - that my dives are a little too deep. This is how I consume media IRL, though, so if nothing else, it's authentic.

The Battlefield is definitely growing. The spatial warping makes it hard to measure how much it's growing, so it could definitely be exponential, especially if we keep adding higher dimensions.

As for how Jack matches up against Bec - Jack is definitely smarter, but he's also a lot more vulnerable, since losing the Ring will render him powerless. He'd have to be incredibly careful in a fight, especially against someone just as fast as he is.

I still think Bec has the edge, but his victory is far from guaranteed. I totally understand why Jade wouldn't want to risk it.

Imagine what Eridan would have said to a 'lowly greenblood' like Jade.

Yeah, there's no way trolls have therapy.

I hate to say it, but the Alternian version of therapy is probably moirallegiance. You're supposed to rely on this one person to keep you emotionally stable - and if you're not outgoing or charismatic enough to find a moirail, you don't even have that.

Of course, this system has nothing in common with the relationship dynamics of any culture on Earth. We really dodged a bullet there!

Gamzee really leans into the 'court jester' aspect of being a bard. He doesn't take anything seriously, nor is he expected to do so - he's just off to the side, dancing.

Yeah, my prediction is that Vriska is going to use him.

If she can manipulate Tavros into trying to control Jack, she might actually be able to remove his Ring. I speculated that she might use some sort of cheat to gain an advantage in their fight, and I think we may have found it.

He casually controls Becsprite later on, so I don't think he needs their goals to align.

As for why Bec didn't try to save Jade - I think he knew instinctually that someone was going to make him save her, so he didn't need to do it manually. That's Alpha, baby!

I can't tell if I've reached the controversial part, to be honest. Was there discourse about whether Tavros had done anything wrong?

Personally, I think it's hard to argue that he didn't, but other characters have done much worse - and in much more ambiguous scenarios, too.

Lord English is coming, send help plz

Thank you! It's kind of funny actually - I know that Homestuck's irregular update schedule used to drive people mad, but I'm reading it at a similar pace, with similar irregularities, and it really has been a chill experience on my end.

Maybe it's because I'm not participating in the fandom the way live readers were, and therefore, I'm not subject to the weapons-grade hiatus brain that Cat has war stories about.

Poor Kanaya - she really knows how to pick 'em. Rose is definitely less stressful to crush on than Vriska, though.

I recently saw this quote for the first time in a while. Excited to learn which of the comic's several thousand plot points it's referencing.

@spyril4132 asked: i have seen this in my youtube recommendations and must now share [s] descend but with silvagunner's high quality nuclear rip - YouTube

Legitimately amazing, and perfectly timed.

For anyone doesn't know about Silvagunner, please take a dip down this rabbit hole.

I do wonder how she's getting physical details about the Sun. Isn't it, like, fully outside of conventional reality?

Maybe the Sun is physically real, despite being in an unreal location. Technically, that's also the case with sessions.

I do like the 'music player' metaphor from an earlier ask. You don't necessarily have to use discs - a cassette player is also a good choice, or maybe an older variety of music box.

If you want to stretch the symbolism a little, your Time Player could wield something really kooky, like an iPod Nano, MIDI keyboard, or analog radio.

(Sally the Time Player would wield Rhythm Heaven for the Nintendo DS.)

It's been years since I've watched Primer, actually. I remember enjoying it, but I don't recall enough to give a proper review. Rewatch time!

Yeah, the rules for Captcha codes are all over the place. This example implies that they hold the general idea of an object, without any 'corruption' - but when John's Ghost Dad poster was defaced, its code did change.

The implication, I guess, is that defacing a poster counts as changing its nature, but spilling oil on a pogo ride does not. It's weird.

It is odd that it's marketed as a beta. Sburb and Sgrub seem almost identical, the latter's bifurcated session notwithstanding.

The human session failed, yes - but it failed due to manipulation, sabotage, and a generous helping of terrible luck. If Gamzee prototyped one of his clown posters, Jack's regicide could just as easily have happened in Sgrub.

All that said - when it comes to software development, I'd trust Sollux over Grandpa any day. If one of those games is more stable, it's Sgrub.

Alright, that one's actually pretty great lmao

[kaicubus]

Dating Cat Valentine

warnings ✩° : none, just fluff! but like my enid preferences this ones gonna be a lil cringe IM SORRY.

pairing ✩° : cat valentine x gn!reader

authors note ✩° : am i the only one who preferred when cat was like kinda just this...idk how to explain it but she was cooler before and not ditzy airhead like, she was like IDK REBELLIOUS??? is that the word???

- Her being SUPER clingy. Cat will grab your arm, tug you around, lock her hand with yours, jump around with you, all that stuff. You can’t help but face the suffocation of her very potent hair dye, sugary, natural smell on her when she does so.

- Sometimes, most of the time, Cat says the most unhinged shit. It’s mostly stuff about her brother, Frankie, but other times it’s just about things she’s been through or things she’s seen before. It never fails to catch you off guard when she casually mentions a near death experience no individual should ever go through with the same bubbly smile she always has on.

- There is no ‘i can fix her’ with Cat, because with her the chaos follows you and you can’t really control it, nor put a leash on it or your girlfriend. You’ve actually tried before, with one of those stuffed animal leashes for children but she chewed through the straps because she couldn't figure out how to take it off. You both named it Banana and he now sits lifelessly under Cat’s bed because she felt bad about tearing his strap off.

- It actually took you not that much time to get used to Cat’s antics. After a bit, you started to expect the back hugs, random dancing, spinning in circles, and random ticks she does. Unlike Jade, you encourage it and become her catalyst, sparking up when she’s around.

- After her, you're the first to get a share of her snacks. They're usually some obscure sugary candy concoction but they're usually always really good. Other people gag at the mere sight of it ((it’s highlighter pink, why wouldn't you?)) but Cat knows what she’s doing no she doesn't.

- Really quick, peppery kisses when she gets affectionate. She calls them ‘kissies!’ as some sort of code between you two and by the time she calls it out, her hands are on either side of your face and she’s just bombarding you with bubblegum stained kiss marks. She doesn’t stop until you pry her off of you.

- She absolutely adores hello kitty. 

- You can’t help it, but there are times where Cat gets extremely offended with the things you say or don’t say. Even if it’s not meant maliciously, she takes every comment you make to heart and either turns it into a much bigger issue or ignores it completely. It all depends on her mood, really.

- Cat actually has a sticker gun on her at all times, and if she doesn’t then she has like, 3 sheets of random stickers that she sticks onto your face randomly. Even mid conversation too.

“But I told my teacher that I turned in the essay already and she—what did you just put on me?”

“It’s a sticker, it says I love you in green and a little broccoli next to it! Here, take another! This one is a little puppy and it has his tongue out! Oh and this one is a pelican...and a dinosaur...”

- It’s pretty obvious but Cat gets distracted a lot. But even when it seems like nothing can bring her down from the clouds, there’s only one thing that can : you! Simply calling her name will stop her from talking and look at you instantly, and if you come up to her and actually touch her then she focuses on you entirely. This ability comes in handy with her rants about controversial topics, so it’s best you use it.

[goldendoodlerlockerlove]

Also, also, Jimmy Jr

Woohoo!! The only boy ever, the dancing queen himself, Jimmy Jr. I'm lowkey sweating a bit because I want to do your favorite boy justice.

First impression: I was very normal about Jimmy Jr. at first (please don't come for me--) I just didn't have a very strong opinion about him. I thought he was funny, and a decent love interest for Tina, but I didn't think much of him. I did think the whole Romeo & Juliet thing he had going on with Tina was pretty great, but other than that, I was pretty normal about him.

Impression now: I hope you know you've made me appreciate him so much more, and now I find myself randomly thinking about him. I think he's an interesting character to analyze, especially when it comes to his daddy issues with Jimmy Pesto Sr., And analyzing how he expresses himself through dance is really fun. He's quite a relatable character. You've given me brainrot, DT, I hope you're happy, pffffffft.

Favorite moment: One of my absolute favorite quotes in the entire show actually is "DON'T TELL ME NOT TO DANCE, DAD!! 😤" I kid you not, it makes me wheeze every time. And the moment when he takes Tina out on a date to Fro-Yo Mama in What A (April Fool) Believes is so sweet (awesome frozen yogurt shop name, by the way).

Idea for a story: Ooooooh, maybe a story that delves deep into his daddy issues with Jimmy Pesto Sr. would be great. Or one that delves deep into his relationship with his mom, because we haven't seen her yet. Though, I would also love to see something centered around his relationship with Andy and Ollie. We need more Pesto Brothers lore!!

Unpopular opinion: Oh my god, what are some people's problems with Jimmy Jr.?? Why can't we all just get along and appreciate his weird, wonderful dancing?? I swear, every time he appears, it stirs up some sort of controversy within the community, and frankly, I'm so tired of it. He's a great character, and I will not hear otherwise. He's thirteen and doesn't treat her that much badly than Zeke. I said it!!

Favorite relationship: I love his relationship with Zeke, it's hilarious. I still keep thinking about when he wanted to catch a chicken nugget in his mouth in the movie and Zeke was helping him. That was great. However, I do love analyzing his relationship with Tina. The two of them are so fun and chaotic together. I will say, @babsvibes said it best, but one of my favorite aspects about their relationship, whether romantic or platonic, is that Jimmy Jr. loves it when Tina is mean, and she can get mean. Their stupid competition on who can run the fastest during The Gene Mile?? I love it. And it goes to show that Tina can be just as mean to J Ju as he can be to her. It's mutual 😌

Favorite headcanon: Jimmy Jr. is a redhead and I will not hear otherwise. DT, ever since you began drawing him with red hair, I've been so obsessed. Now every time I've drawn him (which honestly hasn't been enough, I want to draw him again) I always make him a redhead. It just works so well!! I like to think him and Andy and Ollie all got their hair from their mom. I'm really glad that he didn't inherit Jimmy Pesto Sr.'s butt chin--

[yalocalfanficaddict]

Band AU (Part One?)

These are just some songs I would assign Class 1-A characters if they were the lead singer in a band AU...feel free to request some genres if you want this to be a series and if you wish to use some of these as prompts for a fic. But please send me the link because I would LOVE to read it!!

The first genre to start this series issss *drumroll* Goth!

Class 1-A!

Kyouka Jirou ~ Spellbound by Siouxsie and The Banshees (Anything by Siouxsie feels like it would match her voice-ish, she's probably too low for Jirou but I still think it sort of matches?)

Hanta Sero ~ Enjoy The Silence by Depeche Mode (It sort of matches his dub voice -- which is what I'm trying to do for this series -- and I feel like the 'chillness' of Depeche's voice matches Sero's vibe)

Denki Kaminari ~ Hot Hot Hot!!! OR Let's Go To Bed by The Cure (Only reason why I give him two songs is because Hot Hot Hot sort of sounds like him singing bad on purpose imo)

Eijirou Kirishima ~ Bite My Hip by Bauhaus (Is it really a goth song assignment if Bauhaus isn't mentioned? Anyways, Kirishima gets this song because it fits his sort of nasally dub voice if you get what I mean?? Not to mention his shark teeth lol)

Katsuki Bakugou ~ Be My Death Cult by Calabrese (Totally didn't pick this one because of how much Bakugou screams 'DIE!')

Mezo Shoji ~ I Don't Wanna Be Me by Type O Negative (This was so hard to assign because I still don't know TOO many goth musicians and is sort of considered a "baby-bat" in the community, haha!!)

Tenya Iida ~ This Charming Man by The Smiths (Listen y'all, I know there is controversy with The Smiths for...reasons and some consider them to be one of the first indie bands to ever form, but I've seen them in too many goth playlist so I'm counting it as such)

Rikidou Satou ~ Kiss Me Until My Lips Fall Off by Lebanon Hanover (Sorta sounds right on the dot when it comes to William Maybelline and Sato's english dub...)

Momo Yaoyorozu ~ Violet by Hole (Picture this: Momo screaming this song and *insert ship* staring at her in awe..I rest my case)

Fumikage Tokoyami ~ Out of Control by She Wants Revenge (Yet another hard one to assign! Everyone's voices are all so unique and so this is the best I could come up with!)

Mashirao Ojiro ~ Staring At Dark Skies by ANGST/JOY (Not my best assignment...but it'll have to do because I legit cannot think of anything else)

Ochako Uraraka ~ Incubus Succubus II by Xmal Deustchland (Honestly loved this german band, it's a shame they became pop and it's the closest I could get to find a singer that sounds like Uraraka)

Izuku Midoriya ~ Vicious Pastimes by House of Harm (The title kinda matches what he does in his pastimes which is scrapping with villains and all, haha)

Mina Ashido ~ Twilight by bôa (legit can't tell the difference sometimes)

Shouto Todoroki ~ Snake Dance by The March Violets (This one took forever to assign because of Todoroki's monotone voice, andd I totally didn't pick this song because of how much it mentions flames)

Yuga Aoyama ~ Walking on Both Sides by Pink Turns Blue (Again, totally didn't pick this one based on the title and how it matches with *insert spoiler that iykyk*)

Tooru Hagakure ~ Rose Blood by Mazzy Star (Hagakure is so high-pitched that it's so hard to find a song, but I think it matches her voice?)

Koji Koda ~ Mascara by Deftones (Koda barely speaks and so I legit just went with the softest sounding one I knew But at the same it's Deftones so...)

Tsuyu Asui ~ Step On Me by The Cardigans (I know Asui's voice is a bit lower-ish but I think it sort of matches her nasally voice)

Tell me how I did and if I missed any! Although I'm pretty sure we're all good...

Doing this sorta made me want to write a My Goth Academia fic, haha! I know some of the bands are actually considered alt, but please just let me be delulu.

What actually started this is that I've seen enough 'My Immortal' stuff floating around that it inspired me to put my goth knowledge to the test! Again, feel free the use this as inspiration, but please tag me or send the link 'cause I would be totally stoked to read it! If you want me to to this but in another genre and make it a series, just send an ask and I can do almost every genre except for certain sub-genre's of metal and country music.

[dontlikeadam]

Folklore

My personal scoring system. 0-10 on how related to Matty and the situation I believe it is. 0= not at all, 10= totally fits

These albums (Folklore and Evermore) were sold to us as being about random stories she made up when she was in lockdown. Just random ideas and plots she had. Some from movies, tv shows, other peoples lives. We later found out they all seemed to be significantly more personal.

The One (8/10)

"I'm doing good, I'm on some new shit" worded as if alluding to new drugs concept

"roaring 20's, tossing pennie's in the pool" They were in their 20's the first round.

"never leaving well enough alone" common saying, also Chevelle song that was sort of emo-adjacent, also just also her never letting this go

"You meet some women on the internet and take her home" him sliding into DM's

"Rose flowing with your chosen family" - drinking wine with his friends

Used on Era's to replace "Invisible String"

--------

Cardigan (10/10)

The main song. The one she mouthed is about Matty.

"When you're young they assume you know nothing" people thinking you know nothing about love, or anything when you are young- as they were

"But I knew you, dancing in your Levi's, drunk under the street light" Matty had a street light in his show.

"Sensual politics" - The 1975's "hyper sexualized political tryst?"

"Stepping on the last train. Marked me like a bloodstain"

"A friend to all is a friend to none" a note about him keeping only a few close friends instead of a lot of friends?

"Chase-two girls, lose the one"

"But I knew you playing hide-and-seek and giving me your weekends" playing games

"I knew you tried to change the ending, Peter losing Wendy" Peter Pan and and her song Peter

"I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss"

"The smell of smoke would hang around this long"

"I knew you'd miss me once the thrill expired and you'd be standing in my front porch light"

-------

The Last Great American Dynasty (4/10)

Plot is technically about Rebekah and the Rhode Island House that Taylor owns.

The train link with "Rebekah rode up on the afternoon train, it was sunny"

"The doctor had told him to settle down" Matty and his multiple theatrics on being sick.

"Free of women with madness and their men and bad habits, and then it was bought by me" Another women with madness and boys with bad habits.

---------

Exile (feat. Bon Iver) (5/10)

William Bowery (Joe Alwyn? written song. Controversy on its own.

A personal favorite song. About an old partner, who has moved on and you keep running into them.

Always watching each other, always almost ready to fight for each other.

"Second, third an hundredth chances. Those eyes at insult to injury"

"You were my crown, now I'm in exile see you out" Reference to his and her crowns or just that he was her king.

"You never gave a warning sign, I gave so many signs"

"I think I've seen this film before, and I didn't like the ending"

-----

My Tears Ricochet (5/10)

Another favorite of mine. Song is just loaded with amazing metaphors for a relationship gone wrong. Nothing overtly linked to Matty. Supposed to be related to her old label and getting her songs back.

"Cause I loved you, I swear I loved you, till my dying day"

"I didn't have it in my self to go with grace"

"And If I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake, cursing my name, wishing I'd stay, look at how my tears ricochet"

"We gather stones, never knowing what they mean, some to throw, some to make a diamond ring"

"And I can go anywhere I want, just not home" I'm free now, but I don't have you (my home)

"You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same"

-----

Mirrorball (3/10)

Possibly a song about her trying to be whatever her fans want her to be. She wants to lead the circus. She wants to make sure her fans are still entertained, no matter what she has to portray.

"I can change everything about me to fit in"

"I'm still trying everything to get you to laugh at me"

"I've never been a natural, All I do is try, try, try, I'm still on that trapeze"

"I'm still trying everything, to keep you looking at me"

-----

Seven (4/10)

Seven was sort of portrayed as one of the characters in her little story line for this album. Sort of a younger/ teen character.

"I was high in the sky, with Pennsylvania under me" her being from PA, but also Matty mentioning PA in his speech during tour, possibly alluding to Taylor.

"and though I can't recall your face, I still have love for you"

"Your braids like a pattern" - braids reference

----

August (7/10)

As a surprise song on tour, played with Getaway Car and The Other Side of The Door.

Another character thought to be in the plot of the album. Young/ teen.

Oddly just feel like it's fits Matty/ an on again off again relationship that feels like young love.

"I can see us lost in the memory, august slipped away to a moment in time"

"I can see us twisted in bed sheets, August slipped away, like a bottle of wine, cause you were never mine".

"Your back, beneath the sun, wishing I could write my name on it"

"I remember thinking I had you"

"Back when we were still changing for the better, wanting was enough, for me it was enough, to live for the hope of it all"

"Cancel plans just in case you'd call, and Say "meet me behind the mall"

"So much for summer love and saying 'us' cause you weren't mine to lose"

--------

"This is Me Trying" (7/10)

Always assumed to be Matty. In her explanation she had said its written from the perspective of someone struggling with addiction and how hard that could be. Could also be about Taylor if she does have an issue with alcohol as she alluded to on TTPD. That was not something we were aware of. We also do not any past of her going to therapy, I believe she has actually denied it.

"I just wanted you to know, that this is me trying"

"They told me all my cages were mental, so I got wasted like all my potential"

"and my words shoot to kill when I'm mad, I have a lot of regrets about that"

"pouring out my heart to a stranger, but I didn't pour the whisky"

"Its hard to be anywhere these days, when all I want is you"

"You're a flashback on a film reel, on the one screen in my town, and I just wanted you to know, that this is me trying"

---------

Illicit Affairs (9/10)

About a VERY secret affair.

"Take the road less travelled by" poetry reference

"What started in beautiful rooms, ends with meetings in parking lots"

"leave the perfume on the shelf, that you picked out just for him. So you leave no trace behind, like you don't even exist"

"take the words for what they are, a dwindling mercurial high. A drug that only worked, the first few hundreds time"

"You showed me colors you know I can't see with anyone else" possibly back to the reference to blue.

"You taught me a secret language that I can't speak with anyone else, and you know damn well, I would ruin myself a million little times"

--------

Invisible Sting (1/10)

Joe - details of him working at the yogurt shop. The Lakes.

The song she switched out for The 1 on Era's tour after the breakup was announced.

"Time. Wonderous time. Gave me the blues and then, purple-pink skies" Blue could be referring back to Matty to stick to the blue theme

---------

Mad Woman (1/10)

Overall just about how people do not like mad women, even if they caused her to lash out.

"The master of spin, has a couple side flings, good wives always know"

-------

Epiphany (0/10)

Led to believe it is about her grandfather. Being medical, a dong that gets me every time. I hardly can ever listen to it.

"something med-school did not cover. Someone's daughter, Someone's mother, holds your hand through plastic now. Doc I think she's crashing out, and some things you just can't speak about"

"Just a single glimpse of relief to make some sense of what you've seen"

--------

Betty (8/10)

Always thought to be another young character in the plot. One of the young lovers.

Summer fling. Young love. Star-crossed lovers.

Now seems very Matty coded. Which is weird, because it's a William Bowery written song. Which is an entire controversy of its own, regarding if that is Joe Alwyn or multiple people.

"Betty one time I was riding on my skateboard when I passed your house, it's like I couldn't breathe"

"The worst thing that I ever did, was what I did to you"

"I was walking home on broken cobblestones, just thinking of you when she pulled up. Like a figment of my worst intentions, She said 'James, get in, let's drive" Having him stolen right away from you in front of your eyes.

"Slept next to her, but I dreamt of you all summer long"

"Will you kiss me on the porch in front of all your stupid friends?" Question? and kissing in front of his friends?

"Will it be just like I dreamed it? Will I patch your broken wings?"

"Standing in your cardigan" Cardigan

"Stopped at a streetlight, you know I miss you" referring back to the street light in The 1?

Peace (6/10):

Overall a song about her level of fame, and the fact that being with her is so hard. She has spoken at length on this song. Always assumed to be about Joe. Now I am just confused.

"Our coming of age has come and gone"

"But I'm a fire, and I'll keep your brittle heart warm. If your cascade, ocean wave BLUES come"

"All these people think love's for show, but I would die for you in secret"

"The devils in the details, but you got a friend in me. Would it be enough if, I could never give you peace".

"I talk shit with my friends, it's like I'm wasting your honor"

"Swing with you for the fences, sit with you in the trenched. Give you my wild, give you a child. Give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other. Family that I chose, now that I see your BROTHER as my brother" - Joe had two brothers. Matty obviously has one.

"But there's ROBBERS to the East. Clowns to the West"

Hoax: (7/10)

"My only one. My smoking gun, My eclipsed sun. This has broken me down"

"Your faithless love's the only hoax I believe in" being with other people during the entire back and forth.

"You know I left a part of me back in New York. You knew the hero died, so what's the movie for?" NYC reference, movie plot.

"Dont want no other shade of BLUE, but you. No other sadness in the world would do"

"My best laid plan, you sleight of hand" She has everything planned out, he has tricks and deception that keep messing it up.

"I am ash to your fire" She keeps getting burned

The Lakes (Deluxe Version)

Sang in Chicago right before the break up.

Always thought to be Joe.

"I'm not cut our for all these cynical clones, these hunters with cell phones. Take me to the Lakes where all the poets went to die. I don't belong and, my beloved neither do you"

"Those Windermere peaks look like a perfect place to cry. I'm setting off, but not without my muse"

"What should be over, Burrowed under my skin. IN heart' stopping waves of hurt"

"With my calamitous love and insurmountable grief" always feeling like her love is about to die?

[blazehedgehog]

What is the oldest sonic hack that you feel stands up to the level design standards of the present sonic fangaming/hacking community

I specifically avoided most Sonic rom hacks for a long long time. Actually, scratch that: I avoided most rom hacks period.

This is going to be an extremely controversial statement but a lot of rom hacks don't have very good level design. Or they didn't, at any rate. There is a point where things changed, for sure.

But back in the day, having enough skill and talent to make a rom hack was like, the complete opposite brain required to make a fun and balanced game. It's kind of an art vs. technical thing. People who made hacks were coming at it from a more mechanical perspective. This is sort of why the term "Kaizo" came to represent a certain type of ultra-difficult rom hack.

When you love a game SO MUCH that you're willing to reverse-engineer it and build your own expansion for it, generally you're the type of person who has mastered the game several times over. This skews your basic level understanding of what "normal" difficulty is, and in a lot of cases, these people aren't even making something representative of "normal" difficulty.

So you get levels that are super unbalanced, where it's easy to get lost, and maybe they require you to do advanced tricks that the average player has never even thought about. For them, the one who made the hack, it's second nature. They dance through their own levels, totally untouched, because they know where all the enemies are, where all the health is, and so on. They built the lock and the key.

I've had plenty of arguments with people over the years, hack developers specifically, about this topic. I've argued until I was blue in the face, but it doesn't matter, because there will always be that one person who thinks they know better. "It's fine, I learned how to do it, they just have to learn how to do it, too."

And it's just never that simple. Never, ever, ever.

Because you are a unique person. Nobody is exactly like you. The way you learned to do a thing represents less than 1% of people who will ever play your game. Maybe you learned your tricks by watching Youtube videos, or live streams, or reading guides. Not everybody is going to be that dedicated or have that much time and energy.

"You must train for 600 hours before you're ready to try my hack" is not a badge of honor worthy of anything in and of itself. The journey and the destination you've created after the journey is complete are separate ideas.

Go look up achievement statistics to see just how few people even make it past the first boss of most games, let alone halfway, or even to the credits. You very quickly start hitting figures like "only 30% of players did this super easy thing." For a big name, big budget, massively popular, professionally balanced retail game.

And that in itself is only for a fraction of the types of people who make rom hacks. Some just have more to learn and aren't very good at level or game design yet. And there are plenty of hacks out there that suffer from the opposite problem as "Kaizo", where they're just bland and forgettable. It's a difficult balancing act to get right.

These are truths in Doom wads, Mario Maker levels, Sonic rom hacks, the works. So the number of rom hacks I've played that get it right can probably be counted on one hand.

Some of that is because so few hacks get it right, and some of that is because I keep my distance from the hacking scene for that very reason. So if you're like, "wow, I can't believe BlazeHedgehog dunked on that really good hack like that" -- maybe I haven't played it! I used to throw myself to the wolves on all kinds of things where the balance and polish is more frustrating than anything, and it's made me gun shy.

The first Sonic romhack I remember feeling good about was something called "Sonic 1 Pixel Perfect." I really liked its pastel colors and smart reuse of Ristar objects. You might look at the above screenshot with skepticism because it looks too normal, but that's sort of why I like it. It made smart, subtle changes (like the fact time of day slowly changes from dawn, noon, dusk, and night as you play through the zone) and the level design was very digestible. It's just a shame it never got very far.

I seem to recall some of the people who worked on Pixel Perfect went on to make Sonic 2 Retro Remix, which I... think I played? And I might have even liked? But it's been a very, very, very long time.

[sorikkung]

what goes on in neverland. ⇝ ch. 4: brooding, beefing, and a not-quite-bluff

word count: 7.6k

pairings: transmasc!reader x Everyone, everyone x everyone (its literally too convoluted for me to try type them out here anymore just see the masterlist for full pairings LOL)

genre: e2l, f2l, smut, fluff and lots of assorted shenanigans. hijinks, if you will

au: battle of the bands!au but make it gay and horny

warnings: instantly-regretted slut shaming (including sti shaming?), brief physical violence, public/risky sexual activity, lowkey under-negotiated kink but nothing extreme, power struggle between switches, brief spitplay

a/n: half a year to update then two within a month n then almost half a year again uh. sorry? HDFKS id probably write more often if i knew more people were reading like fellas if you're reading pls lmk!! what are you enjoying what are you not, are you siding with any characters in this conflict? are you curious about any characters or anything? what do you think about everything so far? a reblog goes a long way, even longer if these kinds of things or any sort of feedback are included in the tags/additions/comments like that's the shit that keeps me going 😩

tags: @honeybyunnies @syunderful @absentcaryatid @mingirn (lmk if you want to be added/removed!)

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You just know Stray Kids's new hit song is about you.

It’s not like you keep up with their music out of genuine interest, at least, that’s what you like to tell yourself, but merely to closely track the movements of your rival so you can strike accordingly. You can’t use that same excuse as to why you can’t stop fucking listening to it, but you’re not beyond separating the art from the artist, even if you just know the artist involved you in this directly.

The song is a fucking banger, unfortunately, and the lyrics tease and provoke nameless haters that jab at their skill and specifically their dancing, so the target is very obvious – but it’s a clapback more than it’s a provocation, so you can’t exactly have a go at them for it. Especially when their lyricism is too goddamn good.

Their lyrics gloat and brag in all the ways you highly doubt they would have the guts to say to your face, hiding behind their beats like cowards, all while rubbing salt in the wound.

They won.

The first round of the competition was exactly as you thought – none of the other bands came close to you nor them, but they managed to pull ahead over you and take first place for the introductory round by a shockingly large amount. People ate up the novelty of something new, wanting to root for the underdogs over the previous champions, and that sets a fire under your ass like no other. the renegades have to really show up in ways they haven’t before, and while you appreciate the challenge, you’ve already explored so many genres, styles and performances, switched up instruments and vocal techniques and Wooyoung brought dancing to the bands’ stages before Stray Kids did. You’re going to need to do something real controversial to take the spotlight back now.

Luckily, if there’s one thing the runaway renegades are damn good at, it’s controversy.

It gives you something to think about, and that much you’re grateful for. Lord knows your conversation with Sunwoo has been hawking over you for days, and every glance he gives you throughout the day seems noticeably more pointed, but he doesn’t address it. You don’t either at first, waiting for him to bring it up himself, but days pass and he doesn’t say a damn word.

The longer it lingers in the air, the more unbearable it gets, so when he’s staring at you particularly hard during a break in band practice, you almost throw your mic down to the ground.

“For the love of god, Sunwoo, if you need to discuss something with me you can just say so instead of boring holes into my head,” you hiss at him, making sure to keep your voice low so your other bandmates would refrain from paying attention in favour of the lazy riffs Mingi was plucking on his bass while everyone else snacked loudly and chatted among themselves.

Sunwoo, irritatingly enough, shrugs his shoulders. “There’s nothing left to discuss. I’m just looking.”

“There’s nothing left to discuss? What did you mean by you think that told you my answer or something like you very clearly have more to say that you’re not saying-“

“It was a yes or no question. You either have an answer for me, or you don’t.”

“What answer you want to hear so bad?” you press, his sudden change in behaviour since that conversation making you question everything. Questioning things like, did he put you on the spot like that because he thought you liked them, or because he likes you?

It’s impossible to tell, with him – you’ve seen him in relationships before, but he was never truly heart-eyed or smitten over any of those partners the same way Wooyoung and Mingi are, and none of them lasted very long, probably not helped by you and Eric, and for those who came later, the rest of the band as well.

Sunwoo snorts. “That you want to focus on band practice.”

“You can’t just dodge the question like that!” you whine, feeling every bit like a child stomping their foot, but Sunwoo is a very particular brand of frustrating when he wants to be. You figure that’s why you get along so well, but right now you want to throttle him.

“Oh, like you’ve given me a yes or no yet?”

He’s calm and challenging in his tone, casually knocking his head back to gulp down water from his bottle, unintentionally – or perhaps intentionally? – showing off his jawline while he does it, and lets out an over-exaggerated ahh once he’s done just to let you know exactly how unbothered he is by this topic. Asshole.

“You-“

“Pick up that microphone right now or so god help me.”

He’s not going to give you more than that, by the looks of it, and now is not the best time to press – as much as it frustrates you to admit, you do need to focus on band practice now; you were not the only ones who picked up on Stray Kids’ arguably-subtle clapback, and the online presence of the competition has been louder this year than ever before, expecting big things from the runaways after winning last year’s battle. Your audiences aren’t very big, but they are loud, and you know they’re all waiting for you to meet your rival’s challenge.

You have to beat them. You have to.

Picking your mic back up, you heave a sigh and crack your neck, doing a few lip trills to warm up while you gather your wits about you to pry more.

“You’re not as subtle as you think, Sunwoo.”

He only shrugs again, genuinely uncaring as can be, or at least visibly so; despite your attempts, it doesn’t tell you anything at all.

“Guess I’m not.”

And what the ever-loving fuck is that meant to mean, you think, but you don’t have time to voice it when Eric hits his drumsticks together to get your attention and call a practice session again.

You win this time, Kim Sunwoo, but once we wipe the floor with the stray cats, you’re not getting out of this one.

You did not, in fact, wipe the floor with Stray Kids.

Their next performance isn’t of their new song, but it’s even more batshit than the last, just as flashy outfits and makeup and props and stunts – and naturally, the song is stupid good as well. Not just addictive to listen to, but masterfully composed and written, and as a lyricist and sometimes-composer it actually makes you furious at how good their music is.

That being said, they still couldn’t play that music live, because it seems they’re useless without their sound production software.

“Uh-oh, here come the loophole patrol,” Eric scowls bitterly, spotting your rival band over his shoulder as they head towards where you had gathered. “I can’t believe they got away with that twice. If they’re really continuing with that, it’s gotta be favouritism.”

It’s the very feline face of the man in your messages that pauses on his walk past, swivelling around at Eric’s words. “You know, if you talk shit so loudly, people might just hear you.”

“Uh, yeah, I’d sure hope they do,” Eric flashes back, “Everyone else is probably thinking the same thing anyway.”

He opens his mouth to utter a retort, but Chris is quick to grab his wrist and yank him back, giving him a warning look as if to try and keep him in check. Cute.

“Lino…”

You snort.

“Lino? You actually call him that? Don’t tell me you call that one I.N guy that too…” There’s not enough time to think about whether you deliberately wanted to provoke them further, or if that was merely a knee-jerk reaction to hearing them use their stage names with each other so casually. The way they all exchange slightly guilty-looking glances, though, just gives you the ammunition to keep going. “Oh my god. You do, don’t you? Look at you wannabe superstars…”

The leader takes a deep breath, sticking his arm out in front of the others just as they take a step forward to meet your challenge. The way they all halt and close their mouths at the simple gesture speaks volumes of their respect for Chris’s leadership – that, or they’re all just well-trained dogs who will eat out of the palm of your hand if you so much as throw them a bone. Based on your interactions with them so far, you’re more inclined to think the latter – all barring Lino, of course, as they seem to call him, he definitely seemed far more like a cat who isn’t afraid to bite the hand that feeds.

“Can we just skip the song and dance this time? You’ve already accused us of being rigged to win, you got your kicks at the club, do we have to go through this again?”

You admire the visible restraint Minho is taking to keep his mouth shut, lips flattened into a tight line that almost resembles a smile. Either he’s just another dog after all, or he knows how to pick his battles.

“No of course not,” you begin, pausing for both dramatic effect but also for time to think of a clever enough response – it’s only then when you realise that you are, in fact, deliberately trying to provoke them again. They seem to expect this, feet still glued to the floor while they stare at you a few seconds longer, waiting for the ball to drop.

Well, you’ve always been more of a snake, yourself.

“We don’t have to do anything. I’m merely just making harmless observations here, like how names can often imply ego…”

“Oh, you’re one to talk,” he snaps back, blinking a second too long that you know he was definitely rolling his eyes at you on instinct. “Does your ever-changing band name have anything to deal with your ego that rivals this venue in size?”

The remaining members break out in obnoxious “oooh”s that you far prefer being on the giving end than receiving end of, making the hair on your skin stand on an end.

“Hm, maybe!” You shrug nonchalantly, thrilled at how easily they took the bait. “Having a big ego is good for the soul, I think. If you find that insulting, that’s not a me problem. Harmless observations, as I said.”

“Harmless observations my ass,” Lino scoffs, narrowing his eyes at you, but he’s smirking, and it’s a little too genuine to be one purely defensive in nature. “You’re a troublemaker on purpose, that much is obvious, I’m just trying to figure out why you feel the need to fight us so badly. Is it your little lovers quarrel, perhaps?”

He eyes Eric and Felix in turn, the two of them straightening up and face hardening at suddenly being thrust into the spotlight. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think Minho, too, was instigating on purpose.

You look back at his smug little grin, and start to think maybe you don’t know better after all.

“We’re not lovers,” Felix spits, glaring directly at his ex, “At least, not anymore. I thought we were maybe friends, but that would imply not actively trying to make an enemy of me. You’re jealous, we know, just get over it. Redirect your energy into beating us next round.”

“Jealous?” Eric guffaws, but envy drips from each syllable, and you know he played right into Minho’s hands, if not Felix’s as well. (The latter doesn’t seem as deliberately sneaky.) “Jealous of what, your flashy dancing? Newsflash dumbass, we do that too! We were in a dance crew together for fuck’s sake, you can ditch Force for your buddies here but you can’t tell me you forgot that.”

He grimaces, visibly shrinking at the mention of Force. “I didn’t forget. Can we just... not? Or are you going to provoke me until I get pissed off again?”

“You look pretty pissed off right now,” Sunwoo pipes up unhelpfully, to which Eric smacks him in the arm. He’s seeing red now, and you wrack your brain for how you can run damage control without admitting defeat and bruising Eric – and the rest of the band’s, for that matter – ego even more.

Then it clicks, the exact thing Minho was doing a moment ago – deflection.

“And here I thought you’d grown a backbone, freckles,” you sigh over-dramatically before Eric could get a word in. “Suppose that depends, if we piss you off again do we get a round two?”

“You sleazy fuckboys!” Changbin roars, shouldering in front of Felix almost protectively. “Go stick your dicks somewhere else and leave us the fuck alone, we don’t want whatever STI’s you’re probably riddled with.”

“That's not what your man said in my DM’s,” you snort, cracking up into laughter when you see his face contort into a look of horror toward you then Minho. “Pack it up tough guy, freckles doesn’t need a knight in shining armour, he can speak for himself.”

“Is that not exactly what you’re doing for Eric, tough guy?” Chris challenges, and by now, Felix and Eric had broken off into their own argument while he narrows down onto you. Just like Changbin, it’s protective, from his challenge down to his body language, almost like they’re trying to block you off from Felix entirely. Like he’s their perfect little princess who can do no wrong, while you and Eric are the dragon trying to burn down his castle. Tch. Monarchists and their rose-tinted lenses they see their pretty royals through, letting them get away with anything. At least you’re letting Eric fight his own battles and stepping in only because he asked you to, but you suppose they don’t know that. Hm.

“Is it? I was merely teasing to see if I could get another chance at making freckles come so hard he can’t feel his legs, but I’d get it if you’re a little defensive, Chris. Catch more flies with honey than vinegar, right? Butter him up so you can have your chance with strings attached?”

“That’s Chan to you,” he snaps back, something about not knowing him back then being drowned out by Changbin’s loud protests. If anyone understands the importance of a chosen name, it’s you, but you consider continuing to call him Chris anyway, just to piss him off. Unless he comes out as transgender, it’s not like he can get you disqualified for a hate crime. Just for being a dick on purpose.

“We’re not all sex-crazy like you, asshole! Minho may tease, but he doesn’t sleep around with everything that moves just for the hell of it.”

Though, maybe they can be reported for slut-shaming?

“Aw. Why ever not?” San chimes in, leaning an arm on your shoulder, but you can feel the stiffness under the nonchalance he’s trying to portray. His soft heart gets hurt in fights a lot more easily than he’d like to admit. “That’s real rich, you know, considering your bandmate puts his cock and hole on the internet for a check.”

Hyunjin, who had been sassily piping into Eric and Felix’s argument, whips around without so much as a mention of his name – if it was meant to be some sort of secret, he certainly just revealed himself just now. “Are you slut-shaming me? Aren’t you literally strippers?”

“Ohoho no, we’re not slut-shaming you, your bandmate is!” you cackle, watching as Changbin continued to dig his hole even deeper with his members. He flashes a quick, apologetic glance at the sex worker in question. Hyunjin’s brow furrowed slightly, but you get the feeling that any other reaction he could’ve had was deliberately bit back to save you the satisfaction.

“That’s different—”

“Yeah? How so?” you pry further, “That he’s doing it for money and we’re doing it for fun? God forbid we enjoy sex in this good, purist household! Pfft. Shove it up your ass, Changbin, I’d be glad to do it for you. Real good at it, too.”

“You wish!” he huffs, but that only draws Wooyoung to your argument, curling himself around San’s side with one arm while his other hand stays very blatantly in Mingi’s back pocket.

“Sure do! Didn’t think you’d be such a prude after I gave you the best suck of your life, but suppose I might’ve sucked the sense out of you, too. It’s okay, I can put it back, and just wait till you see what Mingi can do—”

“Oh, are you mad just because I didn’t beat you up last time, too? I still remember how much you like pain—!”

Fists are flying in an instant, Mingi’s much longer arms and larger frame connecting with Changbin’s face before his punch could land on his boyfriend, and just as Chris – no, Chan pulls back to swing, you lunge forward to stop him; only to find yourself yanked back against a warm, flat chest. The arms around your waist keep yours bound to your side, but other than that, it’s a lot more akin to a desperate hug than a grapple.

“Please don’t fight.”

It’s a lot deeper of a voice than you were expecting to hear that accompanies the warm breath on your neck, and that’s when you realise the one holding you back is not your bandmate, but Felix. You wriggle and slip your arms free to elbow him in the ribs, but his grip doesn’t budge, instead trying to tug you backwards. “Don’t! All of you, stop fighting!”

His attempts are futile, none of the others listening to him and you resisting with all your might, too – you’ve overpowered him once before, surely you can again. You land a other well-aimed jab with your elbow that loosens his grip enough for you to break free, but within seconds he manages to hook his foot around your legs and sweep them from under you in a movement far too swift to not be practiced.

Right as you’ve accepted the fate of your skull’s second date with the ground, he catches your arm and prevents your full weight colliding with the floor, which is almost somehow even more humiliating than if he just let you eat shit.

“I don’t want to fight you, so don’t make me. I have a black belt in taekwondo and you do not want to see me use it.”

His threat sends chills down your spine. Hearing it come from someone as pathetically pacifistic as Felix – and you can tell from his tone that he’s dead serious about it too – after he just handed your own ass to you on a silver platter, is positively haunting. You almost want to test him on it, and maybe you and Wooyoung have more in common than you thought because the idea of Felix rocking your shit is rather alluring, but especially with the audience, your pride gets in the way. You can handle them thinking you’re a cheap whore, but getting routinely beat up in fights you started would just make you look weak.

“Fine then, loverboy,” you huff, quickly scrambling back to your feet and glaring at him. Before you continue drilling into him in the area more within your expertise – words – you look up and realise the fighting had finished as soon as it started, with Minho barring Changbin’s powerful arms back and Wooyoung with a decisive grip around Mingi’s wrist, Chan and Eric bickering at each other to the side about being the bigger man. (“I’m five foot seven and a twink, you be the bigger man!” “We’re the same height, genius, but I suppose since you’re so clearly lacking the inches, sure I can be the bigger man!” You’re honestly surprised Eric doesn’t try swinging again.)

“You and your nicknames, huh? What was the last one, halfer?”

You freeze, trying to examine his face for any sort of clue that reveals whether Minho opened his big mouth or not, but you wouldn’t put it past him to make it seem like he would just to grant you the humiliation of doing it yourself.

He notices your hesitation and smirks in disbelief. “What, cat got your tongue? I’ve never seen you short on words without your mouth literally stuffed, but... I like it.”

“Do you now? Will you do it yourself, then?” you tease, itching to see just how far his newfound confidence goes. Excitement bubbles up at an alarming speed given how just a moment ago you were seething, but you find yourself blurring the line between anger and arousal a little too frequently whenever pretty boys are involved. Got to get your kicks somehow, after all – does that make you a narcissist? Maybe you are, because you can’t bring yourself to care, not in cases like this where they so desperately need to be taken down a peg or two.

Get into their head, under their skin, and you’re sure to win. They may be talented and rigged to win, but this is your scene, and you know the ins and outs of it like they never will – namely, that good music is only half the battle, and stage presence is the other. They have both right now, but the latter (which you do better, anyway – definitely rigged.) relies on bravado and ego – if you can wound it enough, their performance will suffer. Stress does plenty to nuke a performance too.

You’re going to have your fun and give them hell while you’re at it.

“Gladly,” Felix retorts, tension rising as he steps back into your personal space again. “Though this time, Eric won’t be there to stop time for you, so how about we try for a record timing, huh two-minutes?”

A surge of humiliation rushes through you, but you grit your teeth and power through it to not so much as shrink under his heavy gaze. “Tch. For the record, he didn’t tell me till afterward, either – though I still don’t think you can compare a bit of bump-n-grind to straight-up giving head. Though, wait a second,” you laugh, and it at least feels like you’re saving face. “What happened to no fighting, huh? Want me so bad it’s clouding your judgement? My, freckles, I’m flattered.”

He rolls his eyes, and for a moment you think he sees right through your last-ditch attempt at deflection, but to your surprise, he instead grabs your wrist and starts pulling you away down a random corridor with startling haste.

“My judgement isn’t clouded, I much prefer this over fighting – it’s more fun, and no one gets hurt.”

His answer is characteristically pure, despite the many impure things you want to do to him that you’re sure he’s probably thinking about too; despite it all, he’s still at his core, so good. Maybe the real reason he left Eric is because Eric is a self-driven asshole who isn’t afraid to speak with his fists, doesn’t pay for half the things he brings home and never takes no for an answer once his mind is set on something.

To you though, those flaws are precisely the things you love about him as well. That same stubbornness that makes him unbearable is also his undying loyalty; you know for a fact he would go to the ends of the earth for you and the band, and previously Felix as well. The fact that he managed to break that trust? Only proves that no-one’s truly an angel after all.

You smirk. “Not unless they ask nicely.”

“Oh?” He tugs you around a corner you’re honestly not sure you’re even meant to be in, but something about that is just as thrilling as the delighted sparkle in his grin at your comment. “You gonna ask nicely then? Gonna say pretty please with a cherry on top?”

“In your dreams.”

“I could be dreaming right now.” He cages you against the wall, leaning over you and hovering his face just inches away from yours, dark eyes drinking in all of your features up close, not an ounce of shame or hesitation in them at all. Hell, with the way he smiles at you, without context it could even look romantic. “Guess we’ll have to find out?”

“Right here? How daring. Didn’t think you had it in you, freckles,” you hum, sliding your hands along his hips and digging your thumbs past the waistband of his pants. He runs a hand through your hair, slowly, gently – then closes it around your locks and pulls, just hard enough for a pleasant sting, but no more. The action is oddly intimate in its softness, and you can’t tell if he’s just that much of a gentle-hearted lover or if he really does want to hear you ask for it.

He takes his time, tilting your head this way and that, exposing your neck to him. It’s riddled with bruises of varying shades from the rest of your band, which seems to fascinate him – he trails a tiny finger along the marks, pressing down on the particularly dark ones and flicking his gaze back up to your face to catch the way your lips part slightly to sharply inhale.

“You like it rough, don’t you?” he says suddenly, deep baritone cutting through the tension the momentary silence was building. You huff at him.

“No, I’m more of a gentle and meaningful lovemaking under the moonlight kinda guy,” you drawl, sarcasm thick on your tongue, but he just smiles again, a small one.

“I thought so.”

For a moment you think he’s playing along with your sarcasm, but the way he kisses down your neck is so chaste it’s almost ticklish, contrasted only by the way he knee roughly wedges your ledges apart and lodges itself between them, pressing up against you. He’s slow with his mouth’s descent, making you pull him by your hold on his pants closer to you, but he pays your rush no mind.

“You know, freckles, I was being sarcastic,” you inform him, starting to think he genuinely got the wrong message somehow. “No shit I like it rough, our last tryst was a borderline wrestling match.”

“I know.” He doesn’t even so much as look up at you, but his kisses do turn open-mouthed as he finds some unmarked skin around your collarbone, deciding to fill in the blanks – and somehow, it’s the softest hickey anyone has ever given you. You’re certain it’s on purpose now, and his next words confirm it. “I like it when people ask nicely, though.”

Motherfucker. “I’m sure you do,” you grumble, blatantly shoving him off you, much to his alarm. He only stumbles back half a step before you’re tugging him back in by the back of his neck, lips clashing together in a fervent haste.

His body stiffens for a moment and you’re about to pull back before you physically feel his resolve crumble, surging back against your mouth with a poorly concealed hunger for more. He flits frantically between firmly grasping your face with both of his little hands as he licks into your mouth and sucks on your tongue, and grabbing at your hips, your ass, your thighs, wherever he could reach, closing that distance as much as possible. It’s like he’s in a frenzy, drunk off the taste of your tongue and the warmth of your body and you can only think that you could get damn used to this.

“I’ve been thinking about this ever since that night in the Prism,” Felix confesses, and the fluttering feeling the praise gives you only lasts a moment before your next train of thought stomps it out completely; Eric was there at the Prism too. His ex. His supposed first love, who he left so carelessly, but is supposedly still in love with and just not doing anything about it even though Eric practically threw himself at him using you as a meat shield. Yet here he is, blabbering about how much he was thinking about you.

He really meant nothing to him, didn’t he?

He’s brimming with excitement, unable to resist capturing your lips in more heated kisses between his words, “I should be more angry at you. You’re a bit– You’re a lot of an asshole.” He kisses you again. “And I know you try to get on our nerves on purpose.” He kisses you again, not giving you a chance to reply, and his lips are too addicting for you to want to stop him. “And frankly, you deserved to get punched.” He kisses you again, longer this time, teeth grazing your lower lip.

“But?” you breathe out, snorting at how Felix places both hands on your butt at that, beaming cheekily at the silent pun.

“Oh, there is no but. You’re a dick, that’s it. I just want you around mine anyway.”

He’s so genuine and honest, even now, and you’re caught between liking it and being bothered by it, likely since around him you are anything but. You bluff and you lie as easily as breathing air, as frequently as a coffee order, and if he knows this, he isn’t calling you out for it anymore. Given the way he seems to wear his heart on his sleeve, though, it’s more believable to think he naively buys what you’re selling, and you wonder if he really trusted your pinkie promise that night in good faith.

Like a fool.

He’s so fucking good. You’d even go as far as to say wholesome were it not for him practically trying to shove his tongue down your throat, but even the way he does that seems so inherently good somehow. Like he’s happy to be here, making out against a wall with his ex-boyfriend’s asshole best friend who effectively is trying to bully him for their own ego and enjoyment.

You really don’t understand Lee Felix at all.

“If you think I’m an asshole now, you do not wanna see me if you hurt Eric again,” you mutter, and the way he stills again makes you wonder if you’ve crossed the line this time before he’s laughing in your face.

It’s not a loud nor boisterous laugh, more dry and callous, though there’s an edge of humour to it. Perhaps a hint of something else, but you can’t place it.

“If I...” he caresses your face, pressing your foreheads together, almost drunkenly swaying to whatever song was being performed in the background, “...hurt Eric again...” he kisses you, again, and were you any less violently turned on you may have even found it disturbing, but instead of speaking more when he stops to breathe, he merely hesitates a second and goes back in for more.

You hate how stupidly good of a kisser he is, and how bloody pleased you are to just keep going; you want him so bad, you want him all over you in the way he wouldn’t do with Eric around, you want to ruin him until he breaks – but part of you is happy enough just to kiss him like this for hours. He kisses you like he cares. Not like a lover, it’s not romantic. His actions may seem so, but you know it’s not the weight behind it, it doesn’t make sense nor does it feel like it. He kisses you like he cares about something, and while you don’t know what, or maybe who, but you know he cares a lot. You’re merely an outlet – it reminds you vaguely of how Sunwoo kisses you when he’s frustrated at something else, or how Eric kisses you when he just wants to forget. How Mingi kisses you when he wants to pretend. How San kisses you like he doesn’t know how to stop.

It’s not like you mind being an outlet. Arguably, you’re doing the same to him. You just hope he isn’t imagining Eric when he closes his eyes and breathes you in – not like you are right now.

“If I hurt Eric again,” he tries once more, forehead pressed back against yours, and all you see are his pretty freckles. Is this is way of avoiding eye contact? You zero in on his presence, his presence, not the absence of your roommate nagging at the back of your mind. Him in all his overwhelming intensity yet deceptively soft when he touches you – gentleness that feels like a threat.

“Then you can do whatever you want with me.”

“What?”

You expected a threat – hell, you maybe even wanted a threat, god knows you’d find it hot especially with that voice of his, but that? You hook two fingers into his mouth before he can close the distance between you again, pressing down on his tongue and feeling shivers at how he doesn’t even flinch or hesitate, simply wrapping those perfect lips around them and sucking on them all while holding your stare with half-lidded eyes.

“No, you can’t just use those pretty lips as a get-out-of-jail-free card, what do you mean I can do whatever I want with you? What if you’ve already hurt him again? Does that mean I can make you ruin your band’s performance on purpose or drop out of the contest or–“

He spits your fingers out and grips your chin in one hand, the other diving down to unbutton his pants. “Actually, I think I definitely prefer you with your mouth stuffed.”

“Hey, you can’t just say that then take it back–“

“We only came down here because I already said I like your mouth stuffed. And I believe you were asking me to do it for you.” He’s already shoving you down by your shoulders, unzipping his fly, the change of mood giving you whiplash. You hold your ground, crossing your arms defiantly.

“And I believe you just told me I can do whatever I want with you. So what I want is for you to either elaborate on what you meant, or shut up, get your ass up, and bend over.”

He outright giggles at you. “Cute, I know you want to fuck me. Go on then, ask nicely and use your manners and I’ll even say yes. Which I think is more than you deserve with how you repeatedly try to drag my team to make yourself feel better about yourself and get involved in other people’s business, but I can be generous.”

“You dreaming while awake now, are you?” You scoff flicking his chest. “I’m not asking you, I’m telling you. Face to the wall, ass out, now.”

You have an advantage here, you think. Eric has always been quite the oversharer, especially about his bedroom escapades, and while you definitely forgot a lot of it, there is one thing that sticks out in your memory – his submissive lean. How the two of them would switch often, but it would only take a bit of bossiness to make Felix weak in the knees, and your night at the Prism only seemed to confirm that. He just loves confidence and assertiveness, he eats it up and comes back for seconds, and damn if you don’t want to see it for yourself.

“I don’t take orders from you, small fry. On your knees.”

Suppose you’re not Eric, after all.

“What makes you think I’d listen to you then, halfer? I don’t care if it was technically two minutes, I still made you come in your pants like a horny teenager and you were whining for more. The fuck you calling small fry? I’m like, eye-level with that aggro, loud-ass guard dog of yours. You should put a muzzle on him, by the way, and his boyfriend too for that matter–“

“Pfft, you mean Changbin? Sure, maybe in those boots you are, but he could snap you like a twig. Heard he almost did before Lino showed up.”

“You know, I like that Lino fucker. He’s got a flair for the dramatics, and being a hypocritical shit-stirrer, even to his team and his boyfriend. You know he was purposely trying to get a rise out of you and Eric back there, right?”

He was getting more worked up now, not that the bulge in his pants needed to be any more obvious than earlier, but now his giddy excitement fizzles into something far more potent, raw, and hot to touch, increasing your excitement tenfold. As soon as he loses his cool, you win, you realise, so you make sure he couldn’t cool down if he tried, finally going along with his hand on your shoulder and sinking down to the floor and pulling his length free from his boxers.

“Hmm, too bad you’re keener than he is, I would’ve loved to take him and his boyfriend for a spin – though to be fair, they were pretty keen still,” you go on as you stroke him slowly, but squeezing him tight enough to see his jaw clench. “That leader of yours though, now he’s a piece of work. Has the whole lot of you so well-trained like pets, huh? You guys like that? It’s so pathetic it’s almost adorable.”

“How about you keep my cock in your mouth and my band the fuck out of it?”

You laugh at him, sardonic and demeaning. “I don’t take orders from you either, halfer.”

He tongues the inside of his cheek, huffing indignantly before grabbing your chin again to force you to look him in the eyes, and something seems to click behind them. He huffs again, a smirk spreading across his face as he lets his grip on yours go, patting your cheek condescendingly. “Open your mouth.”

He doesn’t leave any room for argument – not that you couldn’t make room if you wanted to, but teasing him within an inch of his life is a lot easier with him in your mouth, so just this once, you obey.

What you don’t expect is for him to spit directly into your mouth, with surprising accuracy given the difference in elevation. His hand comes up beneath your chin before you can react, pushing your jaw shut.

“Swallow.”

You hate how you already did on instinct when he closed your mouth, and you hate even more how it makes you press your thighs together in arousal.

“Good boy.” He grins at you, wider this time, then combs his fingers through your hair and tugs again, pulling your head closer to him. “Now suck.”

You want to sass him back, tease him some more, leave him hanging just a little longer, but when he speaks to you like that, even lower than the usual bass of his speaking voice, all sultry and commanding – so unexpected from him, so fucking hot, you don’t have it in you to wait any longer. You need to hear that voice of his again, those pretty, pretty sounds he makes when you give him exactly what he wants; you bet it’ll sound even prettier when you take it away from him.

You take him into your mouth, not wasting any time relaxing your throat and taking him all the way in, to his surprise – he lets out a startled yelp that cuts off as he shuts his mouth at the same time as he screws his eyes shut, teeth digging into his lower lip. Were you not deep-throating him, you would’ve smiled. It’s not a pleasant feeling, in all honesty – you’re not like Wooyoung or San, who just love having their mouths full, but you do enjoy the effect it has enough for you to be well-practiced, and once you could fit most of Mingi down your throat, anyone else was a piece of cake.

“Fuck,” Felix hisses out, gripping your hair tighter, but he doesn’t try to make you move, nor does he try to move, but you don’t miss the way he keeps tensing up at how your throat contracts around him. “God— heh, I really do like you better with your mouth stuffed. So fucking good.”

With every noise you pull from those sinful lips at each movement of your mouth along him, the temptation to have him for real grows stronger. You work him closer and closer to the edge without wasting any time teasing him, ignoring the dull ache in your jaw and digging your nails into his quivering thighs. The quicker you can edge him, the less you have to fight against your self-control – after all, you can have your needs taken care of once you get home, anyway.

He stops you before you can get there though, his grip in your hair pulling you off him and prompting you back up on your feet so he can kiss you again roughly.

“Do you want me to fuck you?” he asks breathlessly against your lips, “I’ll do it right here, right here in this hallway.”

Yes, god, please yes. Your resolve thins. “Not such a good boy after all, huh? What if we get caught, hmm?”

Every lick of logic and rationale you have in you is telling you to not, because there’s no point getting Felix disqualified from the competition if you bring the band down with him, but you haven’t heard anyone coming down this way yet, since you’re pretty sure it was staff-only and the staff should be busy with the other contestants right now, but that doesn’t mean you’re safe.

“Guess we better not get caught, then.”

Throwing all caution to wind in your lust-filled haze, you hook an arm around his neck and pull him to you, your other hand undoing your pants and shimmying them down, already dripping wet and throbbing for him. He chuckles darkly at your haste, teasing your clit with the tip of his dick, chuckling again at how your body twitches at the sensitivity from each slight touch.

“Eager, huh?”

“Just put it in already.”

He chuckles again, deep and husky and mind-numbingly attractive, but doesn’t make any move to give it to you.

“Then beg.”

Your eyes fly open, staring at him in disbelief as a surge of outrage pulses through you. “Excuse me?”

He stares right back with an unbridled intensity, those sharp eyes boring into you.

“Beg for it, and I’ll give it to you.”

You scoff.

“No.”

He teases at your entrance, watching your face for any sign of restraint, but you stay steady. If he thinks you’re going to sink so low as to beg for his dick in a ratty corridor, he’s dead wrong. You may be a degenerate, but for him? There’s no way you’re giving him the satisfaction.

“You want me bad enough to let me fuck you right here in public, you can beg for it just once,” he reasons, but he should know better than to think someone like you could be so easily reasoned with. The fact that he ever thought he could get away with it just proves you need to remind him of his place – beneath you. A boy toy to play with at your whims, because you hold the control, not him.

“I don’t think I can,” you coo with faux disappointment, giving him one last chance to quit while he’s ahead. “If you want to fuck me, Felix, you’re going to have to do it yourself.”

He senses your challenge, and knows that if he does give in, you win – and lord knows you’re still hanging your previous victory over his head. Deciding he’s not going to give you what you want so easily, he pushes himself off the wall, shrugging with feigned nonchalance. “Nice try. You’re going to beg, or you’re getting nothing.”

“Suit yourself.”

“Huh?”

He can’t hide the flash of surprise across his face as you slip away from him, swiftly pulling your pants back up and re-doing the button, walking off without a word.

“You’re bluffing. Get back here.”

He called your bluff last time, but this time you are dead serious. You don’t need him, or his dick, or even his pretty lips and sexy voice. You want him, sure, you make no secret of that – but in the end, he’s still Eric’s shitty ex trying to take your bands crown with a shoddy excuse of a band, and just because you’re a stripper doesn’t mean you’re easy.

You’ll have him on your terms, or you won’t have him at all.

“You sure like to call bluff. Too bad I’m not bluffing, halfer – I got better dicks to ride. You’re not special.”

You don’t even so much as spare him a glance over your shoulder as you strut off, and he takes a second to recover before tucking himself back into his pants and storming after you.

“That wasn’t what you were saying when you were all over me just then, or back at the Prism—”

“I basically did,” you snort, pivoting around on your heel to jeer at him. “Why do you think Eric won our little contest? Get over yourself, you’re hot but you’re nothing more than a plaything to me. And what happens to playthings when their owner gets bored?”

“I’m not yours to play with,” Felix growls, anger bubbling over where arousal once was – or maybe directly alongside it. “You don’t own me, or anyone – are you seriously that up yourself? Wow. I’m sure Eric is so lucky to have a friend like you.”

The glare you give him at that is fucking scalding – how dare he question your relationship to Eric? How dare he ecen bring him up now? He’s the one who abandoned him. Seems like he’s just like most other cis men you know – all sweet until you don’t put out. How typical.

“At least I’m not the one who left,” you spit in his face, whirling back around and pacing off without any intent of turning back.

[zero-braincells-left]

ship opinions 🤡

disclaimer these are my opinions

ur opinions are also valid unless it’s adult/minor in which case I respectfully ask you to go jump off a bridge <3

david x gwen:

oooohohoho I used to love gwenvid so much

they,, they’re so cute together

but I don’t feel as strongly abt it anymore

overall I’ll give this an 8/10, I love it both as romantic or platonic :)

david x daniel:

0/10 booooo 🍅

daniel is a literary cultist and I hate him </3

(this applies for david or gwen x daniel or jen as well)

(ffs jen was a one-off character made for a joke. why do y’all even remember her 💀💀)

(daniel x jen I think is dumb and I couldn’t care less abt)

david x jasper:

9/10 jasper survives au or when they were both kids, I love them anyways

I can’t describe why. its just. a great ship

david or gwen x literally any other adult I didn’t mention is 0/10 and irrelevant

-

oh god. it’s camper time. time to be controversial :)

max x neil:

7(??)/10

i used to love this so much and I’m currently unsure as to where I stand on this ship

rn I think they’re just friends but

still cute

max x nikki:

0/10. they’re friends

i can’t describe why I despise this ship as much as I do but alas it just is this way

nikki x neil:

??/10

idk man

on the one hand. sibling dynamic my beloved

but i 100% did have a phase where i decided the sibling h was stupid and instead decided to ship them, and that little voice in the back of my head still likes the idea

but I also know everybody doesn’t like this ship and I too am prone to peer pressure (by online strangers)

so currently I have no strong feelings on this ship at all ig

max x nikki x neil:

1/10 maybe?? but they’re better as a friend group

..harrison x nerris:

do I even need to say it

10/10 I love them 😀😀

the lake lilac dance episode still drives me insane. they,, they 100% wanted to dance together you can literally tell in the episode shhduhdbhudbhudnjisnjisnjienjienjis

“they certainly are standing next to eachother” hell yes they are. all the time. nneuindhubehuhhrbugrbsiuhbhueinuhebeuhubsiuhbsyugvsyugvsgyunrnunrijhen

ok next

presner, harriston, and nerriston all get a solid 7/10 they’re pretty nice but nerrison is still my favorite

max x harrison:

0/10 no thanks

ok moving on

neil x harrison:

0/10 this is,, no,, I don’t like it idk why

I don’t.. no

max x nerris:

🤷/10

i don’t care for this one at all tbh u do I ig but

meh

Nerris x nikki:

1/10 cute in theory, I have no real complaints about them, just don’t ship it or see it happening

max x preston:

augh. I’ve been dreading this one because,, idk actually

i used to hate this one bc i just didn’t see it and I’ve felt that way for basically as long as I’ve been in this fandom but recently

I can.. sort of see it? a part of me does things it’s kinda cute, age hc (or in max’s case, just canon) is 10 & 12 which isnt horrible but do with that’s what you will

i give this one a solid 6/10 for now, maybe 5/10

ered x nikki:

0/10 nikki def has some sort of ‘crush’ on ered but I don’t ship it and it’s more just like younger kids idolizing older ones

also. ages in my hc is 10 & 15 so,, yeah no.

Ered x dolph:

0/10 no no and no. age hc is 8 and 15 no.

space kid x dolph:

5/10, could be cute but I prefer them as friends

max x space kid:

3.5/10

i think it’s kind of cute but I do not see it at all and don’t really ship it

nurf x anybody 0/10

i keep forgetting Nurf exists and I don’t like him so fuck off

ok I did it

[lookismaddict]

Thoughts on Gun as a musician? What type of music will he make? Will he cause a controversy at any music award show?

Gun as a musician…? Tbh idk if you meant someone who plays an instrument, or someone who sings/raps/etc. But ugghhhh… I’m honestly torn at the thought of it at first. However, this is what I think Gun as a musician would be:

He’ll be a singer of some sort. His voice? Husky, lower octave than the average singer, and more of a bass tone? (If that makes sense, lol.) Overall, I imagine this man having a deep voice when he sings, and he’ll probably be one of those singers who sings sensual R&B or songs that revolve around getting fucked up or flaunting his money. Kinda like DEAN’s or some of TAEMIN’s (from SHINee) music. The theme that he wants to portray through his music is how being rich is powerful. More of a darker bad boy image than the typical “K-pop” vibes. Corrupt, confident, and definitely cocky.

God, I can go forever just comparing DEAN & TAEMIN’s outfits to Gun’s.

However, his manager would try and force him to sing actual love songs (yk the sappy songs), and then he’ll refuse because he believes that it doesn’t fit his image as a whole. He’s very picky at who he collabs with in his songs, and the probability of him choosing you as the featured artist for his song would be close to zero. 1% accepted, while the other 99% will most likely hate him and his ego for not being chosen. (He’ll make an exception for Daniel Park.) Okay, but imagine him PERFORMING these songs on stage. I feel like he’d be down to learn how to dance, just to show off how much of a “perfect” human being he is. He’s very confident in his own skills, so dancing shouldn’t even be a problem for him. This man’s a perfectionist down to the last T. Don’t even get me started on his actual lifestyle. If he were to become a musician, he’d definitely cause a lot of scandals. The guy is a walking problematic red-flagged artist. (I don’t know if you can even compare him to Seungri, from BIGBANG. Because his scandals had me shocked even to this day.💀)

And if he did go to a music award ceremony, he definitely would cause a LOT of controversy. But let’s be honest, this man doesn’t give a FUCK about what he says or does when faced in front of the camera. This man is too prideful to even thank anyone, but himself for his own achievements. And he will be challenging artists and call them out, saying that he’ll beat them to #1 on the Billboard Charts or something. Yeah, he’s THAT arrogant asshole that everybody HATES in the music industry.

Gun’s speech: “The only person that I’d like to thank is myself. Without me, I wouldn’t have been the best artist of this year’s ceremony. Why would they even give me the title in the first place, if I weren’t the best in the music label? Also, every other artist who isn’t considered to be #1 should just step down and leave the industry. There’s no way that they’ll ever BE in my level.” *mic drops then leaves the stage in silence, taking his trophy with him while walking back to his seat unbothered by the speechless crowd*

[ilonga]

breakable heaven

Swoon June Day 13: Slow Dance

barrisoka, warnings for canon-typical violence

ao3

"—Senator Chuchi and I have been collaborating on this bill for months. Hopefully it'll provide a silver lining to all this mess."

"I don't get it," Ahsoka says, fidgeting in front of the gala doors. "It doesn't sound controversial at all. Why the assassination attempts? And why now?"

"Ah." Padmé's eyes flash. "It isn't in the best interests of the Trade Federation and Banking Clans, of course."

"You think they're behind the assassination attempts?"

Padmé sighs. "There's not enough evidence to formally trace it to them." Beneath her breath, "There never is." She tilts her head slightly. "Don't worry, Ahsoka. They'd hardly be bold enough to attack in a ballroom full of their allies. And besides, with you by my side, I'll be perfectly protected."

Suddenly, her gaze fixes somewhere behind Ahsoka. She turns and sees—

"Senator Chuchi," Padmé greets warmly. Riyo gives Ahsoka a friendly wave before turning to her, but Ahsoka's only got eyes for the Jedi bodyguard beside her. Because, by some wild stroke of luck, the Jedi protecting Senator Chuchi tonight is—

"Barriss?"

Barriss's eyes crinkle and her lips twitch upward. From her, that's practically a wide grin and a crushing hug. "Fancy seeing you here, Ahsoka."

She looks beautiful. Both of them are in "formal" versions of their typical Jedi robes, assigned to them by the Temple before they left—Ahsoka's got on a swishy maroon imitation with a shining silver belt and slightly more presentable boots than the usual fare, and she hasn't stopped feeling awkward in the ensemble since the moment she put it on. Barriss, on the other hand, radiates elegance—her robes are a deep, flowing blue that match the irises of her eyes.

Lost for words, Ahsoka offers up a half-smile instead. Then they each turn back to their respective Senators.

"Ready for your first gala, Ahsoka?" Padmé says, tone light and teasing. 

The doors open, and they enter.

The ballroom—and Ahsoka hadn't even known they had a ballroom in the Senate building until today—is decked out in shining silver decorations. Tables line the sides with drinks and desserts, and an orchestra is already assembled on the stage. The dance floor itself is empty, but not for long—it only takes a few minutes for the whole room to fill up.

"You don't have to stay by me while I make my rounds," Padmé says. "I know it'll get quite a bit boring."

Ahsoka waves a hand. "What sort of bodyguard would I be if I immediately left you for the food? Of course I'll cover you, Senator Amidala."

"Well," Padmé says, "Alright then."

And so the games begin.

*

It takes a good few hours for Padmé to finish conversing with all the people she has to meet. Truthfully, Ahsoka tuned out after the first three. Good thing Anakin is halfway across the galaxy right now and can't feel her boredom, she thinks. Then she immediately feels guilty because the only reason she isn't by Anakin's side right now is because the campaign is projected to be so dangerous that even in desparate wartime the Council can't justify sending a padawan along.

Her hands go a little bit clammy and she decides to stop thinking about that.

Rounds finished, Padmé turns to the dance floor with a swish of her gowns. The orchestra has begun a series of Core-world dances, popular ones Ahsoka's heard often enough. But is Padmé really just going to up and expose herself like that?

Surprising herself, Ahsoka grabs Padmé's arm as she turns to leave.

"You're going to dance?" she says incredulously. Showing up at the gala, risk and all, she can understand—Padmé and Senator Chuchi need to make an appearance if they're to get the support they need on their newest wartime diplomacy bill. But the dance floor? Out in the open, distracted, where a sniper from anyone one of the windows would have a clear shot?

Padmé only laughs. "I refuse to live my life shut away in fear, Ahsoka. Besides, when has a little dancing ever killed anyone?"

It's meant to be a joke. Ahsoka, thinking of the last time Padmé found herself at the barrel end of an assassin's blaster, doesn't find it very funny. 

"You're too tense," Padmé adds with a shake of her head. "Anakin was the same. It does you both good to lighten up, you know. Jedi." Her gaze softens. Then she's swept away into the crowd, taking Senator Organa's outstretched hand and spinning into an elegant Alderaanian waltz.

Left alone, Ahsoka folds her arms and tries to track Senator Amidala's movements through the crowd. It's fairly easy, luckily; the dance has a set pattern that doesn't leave much room for improvisation. Different couples are twirling around the room, switching partners here and there—Senators, Representatives, aides, even some of the waitstaff. 

It looks more enjoyable than the stuffy state dinners she's sat in on before, that's for sure.

It's a few dances later that Barriss finds her, shuffling up awkwardly by her side. "Your Senator escaped you too, I take it?" she says.

"Got it in one." From a nearby tray, Ahsoka pulls over a cider with the force—ignoring the chiding Master-Kenobi-voice in her head—and passes it to Barriss. Barriss accepts it with a darkening in her cheeks and duck of her head. Suddenly Ahsoka feels a little embarrassed; it hadn't been a conscious action. All she'd thought was that Barriss deserved to have a little bit of the gala's beauty in her arms. 

"So," she says, trying to cover up the sudden squirming, twisting feelings fluttering in her chest. "Where did Riyo run off too?"

Barriss's expression lightens and she leans a hand against Ahsoka's shoulder, the other pointing into the crowd. "Rodia, naturally. You see their huddle, by the chandelier?"

"Mm-hm." Distracted by the feel of Barriss's light touch against her skin, Ahsoka doesn't actually manage to spot Senator Chuchi in the crowd at all. Oops. Oh, well, as long as she smiles and nods, it's not like Barriss will know, right? She fixes her gaze on Barriss instead—she'd never noticed how beautiful her eyes were before. Deep blue with flecks of green and gold, colorful and intricate like those stained glass windows dotting the Temple atrium. Barriss is saying something now, gaze glimmering with the reflection of the sparkling lights hung across the ceiling, face animated and lively in a way it hasn't been in a long time. They always seem to meet on battlefields, the two of them. Not a lot of room for bright joy there.

It's nice to meet at a dance instead, for once. Ahsoka hopes it happens more often.

"—Ahsoka?"

"Huh?" Ahsoka shakes herself out of her trance. "Uh, I tuned out. Sorry. What?"

Barriss ducks her head. "I was just asking how you were liking the gala. Not very well, I take it? You seem bored."

"Oh," Ahsoka says, then, fervently, "No, I'm enjoying it, actually. It's beautiful. Just—just a little worried about the Senators, that's all."

"You and I both," Barriss says with a commiserating sigh. Then the orchestra changes pace—a slow, elegant melody takes the place of the previous frenetic, lively tune—and Barriss's face lights up. "Oh! Oh, this one is Mirilian!"

Possessed by some reckless, wild entity, Ahsoka feels her mouth fall open without her permission. "Want to dance?"

Silence.

More silence.

(Not really silence, actually, because the orchestra is still going and the room is still bustling, but Barriss is silent. Who cares about the rest of the room?)

"It was just—a suggestion!" Ahsoka stammers. "Because you liked the music! We don't have to. I just thought—I just thought… it might be fun?" 

Barriss inhales.

Great. Ahsoka thinks sarcastically. Just great.

"Ahsoka…"

Just kill me now. To hell with the Separatists.

"Ahsoka, I'd love to."

What?

"You would?"

Barriss grabs her hand. "Come on," she says, pulling her forward and putting the other hand—Ahsoka's brain short-circuits—putting the other hand on her waist. "We can't miss the good parts!"

And with a flurry of motion, they're on the dance floor. 

They fall into step easily, swaying left and right as the dance requires. It's easy to dance with Barriss, Ahsoka reflects; it's like they fit together. Like puzzle pieces. Barriss moves forward, Ahsoka moves back. Barriss moves to the left, Ahsoka follows her. Barriss twirls, Ahsoka catches her. Barriss smiles—Ahsoka smiles too. 

And then back up all over again. 

Ahsoka's just beginning to get used to the feeling of Barriss's hands on her waist when she notices her looking strangely at her.

"What is it?"

Barriss's eyes flick quickly away. "Just—you look lovely tonight. Red suits you," she stammers.

Barriss never stammers.

Interesting.

"Red? Like the Sith?" Ahsoka says slyly. "You think the dark side suits me, Barriss?"

"No—Ahsoka! That isn't what I meant." 

"Barriss Offee, secret Sith sympathizer," Ahsoka muses. "Who would have guessed?"

Barriss mock-shoves her. Then catches her, because this is still a dance, after all. "You aren't half as funny as you think you are."

"Psh," she says. "You like my jokes."

Surprisingly, Barriss's eyes soften. But she doesn't answer.

They fall back into the rhythm of the dance. 

It's easy to move gradually closer together as the music swells. It's easy to move her arm forwards, wrap her hand around the back of Barriss's neck rather than on her shoulder, the other pulling her closer. It's easy to thrill in the feeling of Barriss tapping a rhythm against her back.

Barriss's eyes keep flicking downwards. From Ahsoka's eyes, down. Again and again. But never leaving Ahsoka's face. Her lips are pressed together in a thin line, and Ahsoka—

Ahsoka wants to kiss her. Ahsoka really, really wants to kiss her. And Barriss seems to want that too.

Then suddenly there's something magnetic between them, something billowing and furious and alive, pulling them closer and closer together—

She leans in.

Closer—She can feel her heart pounding a frenzied staccato against her chest—Closer—heat is flooding her cheeks—

And then—

Her instincts scream in warning. Danger, danger, danger. She jerks away and finds her limbs pulling her towards—

Senator Amidala. On the other side of the dance floor.

Before Ahsoka knows it, she's got her lightsabers out and blazing, deflecting a volley of blaster shots from the window and shielding Padmé as best as she can. Beside her, she can sense Barriss doing the same, crouching ready at Senator Chuchi's side. The crowd is devolving into chaos. 

And then it goes quiet.

Arm raised to fruitlessly try to shield herself from the rising smoke, she drags her gaze up to the window where the sniper had been hidden away. And where the sniper's body now lies cold and unmoving. One of the shots had made its mark—perfectly deflected into the sniper's chest.

Ahsoka's veins fill with ice.

It never gets any easier. This—this part of the job always leaves her hollow. Leaves her cold.

She can feel Barriss's eyes burning a hole into the back of her skull. On this, both of them have always agreed. 

Slowly, she gathers herself and pulls the Senator aside. Barriss and Riyo follow. They maneuver themselves behind a pillar, away from the bustling crowd now shouting for security and escorts. "I'll have to come back for the investigation, Senator," she says to Padmé, "but I should get you home first. It'll probably be best if you don't stick around much longer."

Padmé's eyes flash, steel pouring into her spine. A lesser being would have quailed after an assassination attempt. Padmé, on the other hand, seems to have drawn bitter vitality from it. "I need answers too, Ahsoka. More than anyone else here."

Ahsoka sighs. "I know. But you won't be getting them from this crowd." Reaching forward unsteadily, she places a hand on the Senator's shoulder, a mirror of the first time they'd met. So much has changed—and at the same time, nothing has. "I'll keep you updated, Senator. You know I will."

Padmé looks back over the crowd, taking in the rush as Senators and aides make for the exits. The room's half emptied already; one of the tables has been shattered. Her lips twitch down into a slight frown. "Fine," she says. "If we must."

Besides her, Barriss looks up. "Ahsoka—" she says softly, haltingly, breaking off and looking away. There's something unspoken hanging in the air between them, some thin, spooling golden string left over from the entwining melodies and hands on each other's waists. 

Ahsoka's not quite sure what to do with it. Clutch at it with both hands, hold tight so it doesn't slip through their fingers? Let it dissipate safely and put it behind them both?

She doesn't do either. Instead, she just flashes a half grin. "See you at the Temple?"

There's a pause. "See you at the Temple," Barriss says carefully. Then, to Senator Chuchi, "I'll escort you back as well, Senator. Come this way."

Ahsoka's idly watching her leave when she catches Padmé's eyes on her and shakes herself out of her stupor. "What?" 

"Nothing," Padmé says. Then, with a hint of a smile, "You dance well together."

Ahsoka ducks her head and looks away. "Come on, Senator," she says. "We'd better get back to your place."

But no matter how quickly they leave, Ahsoka knows she'll be carrying the lingering threads of the music with her for a long, long time.

[seanfalco]

Okay, buckle up lol for Winnie and the meta asks:

Basic 2, 5, 7

Fandom 2, 4, 8

Shipping 3, 7

B2. What plot points would change due to the inclusion of your character in canon?

I don’t think too many would change much, other than the whole Nathan and Kelly thing.  Instead of Nathan being interested in Kelly, Kelly would be Win’s wingman, helping to get her and Nathan together.

B5. Besides your face/voiceclaim, who do you think would be cast as your character?

You're evil for asking this. But I could maybe see Alana Boden as Win.

B7. What headcanons/theories do you believe fandom would invent about your character?

I could see people theorizing about Win's past and why she's so emotionally damaged. Or about what her mum was like. Headcanons about what kind of music she would listen to.

F2. What feelings does your character most often instill in their fans? Affection? A desire to protect? Open lust? A love/hate dynamic? Why do you think their fans feel this way?

I feel like once they’d get to know how sensitive she is under her big bad act, that they’d want to protec at all costs.  Plus also maybe lust for. 

F4. What controversies/drama would your character incite in fandom?

I feel like some people would think Win’s out of Nathan's league.  There'd also be meta on whether her power is lame or too OP.

F8. What would be the ‘incorrect but wildly popular’ interpretation of your character in fandom?

She'd probably be relegated a mean bitch that's too cool for school and doesn’t care about anything. Or on the flip side they'd latch onto her sensitive side and infantilize her.  Maybe there’d be some people that think she’s being ungrateful and that her dad’s not really that bad.

S3. How does fandom characterize/mischaracterize your characters ship in fanworks?

I think they’d turn them more into an enemies to lovers sort of trope, when they’re more of a complicated friends to lovers.  I also think people would gloss over the parts of them that aren’t perfect and write a lot of pwp that isn’t realistic, like making them into these sex gods instead of two people that are kinda awkward and have bad sex sometimes too.

S7. What is the quote between your character and their love interest/whoever they might be shipped with that their fans would latch onto?

Wehh I never think my lines are memorable, but maybe this interaction during the club scene in 2.02:

“Are y'jealous?” Nathan drawled in her ear, giddy at her reaction, her lips tightening slightly and her shoulders tensing.   “I am not,” Win replied, levelly. “Ohhh, you totally are,” Nathan exclaimed, and though she tossed her head he swore he could see a hint of a smile on her face.  “C’mon dance with me,” he urged, flashing his most charming grin, “I’ll prove t’yeh I only got eyes for you.”

[ oc meta asks ]

[my-gf-is-kazuichi-soda]

Still in the middle of D3 so no spoilers please!

Edit: I've finished D3, spoilers okay now lol

--

I dont usually make up family headcanons with same-age characters (it leaves myself more room for shipping) but for some reason I came up with three of them here. Okay I just realized the first one theyre not same age but, uh, anyway!

Ryoma is Hiyoko's uncle. I dont have much of an explanation for this. At first I thought it would be a funny idea if Ryoma was Hiyoko's dad but then I realized that Hiyoko's dad goes to all her dance recitals while Ryoma's been in jail for a while, so that makes it kind of impossible. Just a silly idea.

Kazuichi is Kaito's younger cousin (idk what the timeline is for D3 compared to the other games yet, and I know often times this class is headcanoned as younger than the D2 class, but this is all in an au anyway). They're same-voice actor cousins. Kaito gave Kazuichi the idea to build a rocket engine, maybe they watched alien movies together when they were little. Kaito hasn't seen Kazuichi since she was still in her booknerd phase, so Kaito would laugh a lot if you told him that his nervous, fidgety cousin went through a "scary punk phase." Have an idea for a short fanfic where he calls and says he's coming to visit her again and she's mid-transition at this point and unsure about coming out to him - I think he'd be cool with it. He'd possibly confuse trans with drag at first but he would be supportive and say that he's glad to see Kazuichi gain some confidence and self-esteem "even if you're still a bit fidgety" (Kaito that's not from being afraid that's just the adhd). Also Kaito and Zoey get along alright.

Nagito is Kokichi's older brother. (potential ableism trigger warning, also a warning for that sibling dynamic where one kid is neglected for the sick/disabled kid). There's angst potential as well as funny potential. This is more subject to change since there's a lot I still dont know about Kokichi, but from what I can tell he's a manipulative liar always making scenes to get attention and even though some of the fandom says he is "a normal person faking mental illness," I dont buy it. Maybe he's faking something, but he definitely has something too. Not sure if this is a controversial opinion, but I believe that people who fake mental illnesses (to this degree at least) are not neurotypical, it's a cry for help and they do need something, so they shouldn't be brushed off as just "ableist assholes" because there is something going on, though on the flip side it is not the job of other mentally ill people to coddle their feelings when that person is being ableist.

I think Kokichi also went through some trauma, like something happened with his family that made him have to attend court sessions (he said in the first trial that he had to go to trials all the time a long time ago "for his crimes as an Ultimate Supreme Leader" but I think that's Kokichi-talk for "he was a little kid and had to sit in trials for some family drama and the adults constantly blamed him for problems that weren't his fault," which is why he plays up this sort of misbehaving bad kid role). Anyway, my ansty hcs is that Kokichi was neglected because his parents focused on Nagito's illnesses, and that's part of why he acts up to get attention. He has some resentment for that but blames his parents more than Nagito and he and Nagito have the type of sibling relationship where they're sometimes on good terms and sometimes can't stand each other. They've thrown some shade at each other but Kokichi really knows how to piss off Nagito and is not afraid to bring up "hope" to mess with his head (though if anyone else did this they would suffer Kokichi's wrath, as far as he's concerned he's the only one allowed to pick on Nagito). Nagito thinks he goes easy on Kokichi when they fight but he can be petty and sassy back and has a lot of embarrassing dirt on Kokichi. They're the kind of brothers that will pester and argue with each other but they'll bury the dead body for the other no questions asked. And Lord help you if they're in the same courtroom, they could find the dumbest little things to bicker with each other about and filibuster the case, but also Nagito will totally back up Kokichi's lies and vise-versa. Whatever creates bigger hell at the moment for the player. It was a mercy they weren't in the same game.

Anyway, since I haven't finished the game yet there's probably-definitely stuff I dont know about these characters but I got excited to share this with you.

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

What do you think of BTS' members latest collabs with non-Hybe Korean artists, such as RM with Tablo and what seems to be the impending Jimin and Taeyang collab? Do you think this era of sociability is good for the fanbase, or does it create more strife, with army accusing collaborators of needing a "hand out" a la Jimin and Sungwoon?

I think it depends on several factors, such as the BTS member involved, who is the Korean artist and more importantly, how Army feels about said artist. Which is ultimately the biggest factor because we know how the fandom thinks and acts, especially towards the people they don't like.

Yoongi's collab with Psy went smoothly and was well received. From what I can recall, mostly everyone was excited about that and it's hard to come out and say that Psy needs Yoongi/BTS to be relevant. We also have to take into consideration the angle from which the collab was promoted. Yoongi produced the song and he has a reputation not only for Army, but also in the K-Pop fandom as well, as this well respected guy with a good solo career on the side as Agust D since 2018. And there is barely any controversy attached to his own name in the last few years (with the exception of the Jim Jones mention in some lyrics back in 2020). Overall, Yoongi is safe, Psy is known by basically everyone and not seen as "dangerous", so in the end, it turned out to be a success. Yoongi acting and dancing in the music video definitely helped.

Let's take a look at RM and his collab with Tablo for Indigo. First and foremost, for the majority of Army, RM can do no wrong, he is the perfect leader and incredibly talented. With few exceptions (because no one is universally loved), but a minority with no actual impact. And once again, the fandom accepted Tablo because he's not considered problematic. They have nothing against him as a person, which means he is worthy of this collab. At least I haven't seen groups of people saying Tablo needed to be relevant again, so the collab with RM could save his career.

The same can be said about Hobi and Crush, although that incident at Crush's concert did have some sort of impact and it didn't really go unnoticed or brushed aside immediately en masse.

So, why are the reactions so different when it comes to Jimin and the people he works with, compared with the other members? First of all, the maknae line fans are in general more hardcore and they tend to put their favorite idol on the highest pedestal they can find. Which means, that compared to Jimin, Sungwoon is a nobody. Just as he's a "nobody" compared to Psy or Tablo. He is seen in the fandom as some random guy who used to be in a group and the only reason some Army know his name is because he is a friend of Jimin's. And that led to people (a lot of them Jimin stans) to believe that With You was a favor and Jimin lend a helping hand. Which ultimately proved to not be close to reality at all, but by that time, the narrative was established. I think we also have to take into consideration that the fandom is much more divided when it comes to the maknae line, which doesn't help at all the way Jimin's collabs are being perceived.

And of course the reactions were harsher for the collab with Taeyang because Army hates BigBang. That's the root of the issue and then it just gets added on top of that. But I wrote about this when the first rumor made the rounds, so I'm not going to repeat it here.

So there you have it. I think that what this shows is a fandom in the early stages of accepting or trying to be ok with BTS members wanting to venture outside their own company that held them inside for far too long. Which contributes to the fandom perception as well.

The thing is, if people are exposed to one thing for a long period of time, slowly, they will at least get accustomed to it. It just depends in what way that exposure takes place. And old prejudices are hard to let go, so that might slow down the phase of acceptance.

Either way, Army will always believe that regardless of who they collaborate with, ultimately BTS will always be better. At least in the back of their minds. I do think there is potential for more strife in the future, especially coming from specific subsections of the fandom and die hard solo stans, predominantly in the maknae line.