#i know the fear one is kind of touching on anxiety and whatnot but i think it falls into the same category :3 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

emerald-amidst-gold · 3 years

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questions for dragon and wolf otp ❤️ 11, 17, 25, 31 & 50 :3

Let me tell you, I just adore rambling about these two sad, but beautiful fools. And I'm so happy that people like me rambling about them enough to keep asking questions! >:D

So, let's get ANSWERINGGGGG! >:3

11. Who is the most physically affectionate?

Fane. Fane, Fane, Fane, Fane. Fane is 100% the most physically affectionate. A lot of times, he taps into old habits that he used to do as a dragon when he's with Solas. Nudging, nuzzling, resting his head in the other's lap, etc. As time goes on, Fane branches out and develops more ways to express himself through touch. Leaning his shoulder against Solas', reaching out involuntary to hold hands, sitting behind and wrapping his arms around the other while burying his face into a shoulder, etc.

Fane is touch-starved. He would never admit it, but he is. All his life (both draconic and mortal), he's received only ridicule and harsh treatment. So much so that he disassociates from reality and goes numb, and that's even with Mhairi and Cyfrin around him. It also doesn't help that his literal body is a beacon of pain due to his scars. But, all it takes is a brush of a hand against his own, or cupping of his cheek from Solas and the world sings and feels. It seems cliche, but Solas and Fane both know how it feels to walk through life believing it to only a bad dream. They take solace in each other, and Fane desires it through touch. Not always, of course, Fane and Solas merely find joy in existing in the other's sphere, but when nights are cold and the world feels silent and grey, Fane needs more than what Solas' eyes can offer.

17. Do they ever trade clothes?

Ohhh, you're outing me with this question, you fiend! X'D

*takes a deep breath and taps two fingers together* ...Yes. Yes, they do.

Okay! So, obviously, Fane is built different than Solas. I like to think of Solas as being about 5'7 in height. I also like to think his overall structure is slender, but not like impossibly lithe. It's an in-between deal, but Fane is vastly different in structure and height.

Fane is 6'1. He's not as broad as Bull is, and that's because I don't want people to envision Fane as Qunari in build because he's not. He's athletic, but not immovably bulky. He retains the body shape of the Elvhen--slender and agile, but he does have more muscle mass due to the draconic aspects of himself rolling over.

...And because he wields a heavy ass sword to the point where he can swing it with one hand and barely lose his balance with the momentum. (BUFF ELVES FOR LIFE >:3c)

Anyways, the reason I put the above is it explains why Fane can give his clothes to Solas, but Solas rarely ever gives his clothes to Fane. Short story; Fane's would fit Solas, albeit it loosely, but Solas' wouldn't fit Fane.

...Fane isn't hard pressed by that though. He secretly enjoys when a bucket of water somehow finds its way from the rookery down to the elf's desk, soaking him and forcing him to change. *sips tea* Ahhh~ Nope. Not hard pressed at all.

25. How do they comfort each other when one of them is scared?

Presence, presence, presence.

Solas and Fane find joy in existing around each other without words or touch, but they also find comfort in that, as well.

Fane usually has border-line panic attacks after one of his nightmares and when he has to suffer through a bout of retching from either magic or memories of blood and flesh being torn and ripped from his body. During any such episodes, Solas will ground Fane--asking him gentle questions of 'where and what'.

For example: If it's after a nightmare of his father, Solas will ask, 'Vhenan, do you know where you are?' If Fane manages a nod or a shuddering sigh then Solas will continue with, 'Can you tell me where?'. If Fane responds with the 'correct' location then Solas will shift and ignore the 'what' part of the ritual, instead whispering Elvhen and soothing reassurances of, 'You are fine, ma'isenatha. Breathe. Breathe. Take your time, and I know I am here for whatever you need, whatever you desire.'

However, if Fane struggles or can't articulate then Solas will delve into asking the 'whats'. He'll prompt with simple questions like, 'What is solid?' or 'What is cold?'. These open ended questions are meant to reconnect Fane to the physical world, to pull him from the Fade and his spiraling fear inch by inch by urging him to think beyond what initially caused him to plummet (in this case, his father). This process can take quite a while, depending on how entrenched Fane is in his mind and his memories, but when Fane finally does manage to reconnect and utter, 'I'm...awake... I'm awake. Just a nightmare. I'm in Skyhold. I'm in Skyhold..' then that's when Solas will pull his dragon's head close to his chest and stroke his hair, offering familiarity of a kinder essence.

Now, when Solas finds himself quivering with fear, be it from his own nightmares or a momentary sensation of the world closing in, then Fane will do what he does best; observe. This might seem odd, but Fane does this to determine what will help Solas best. If Solas is tensed up, back rigid and shoulders hunched in a defensive position, then Fane knows to use his voice to coax the man back from the edge. If Solas is prone, posture defeated and visibly shuddering, steady hands trembling and chest rising and falling with increasingly sharper and sharper and sharper breaths then Fane knows immediately that he needs to reach out with touch. Not suffocating with an embrace, but just a grasp of hands, stilling the fearful tremors and giving back control. Fane understands how desperately Solas wants to be in control of any and every situation that involves himself, so the moment he detects the hint of terror in blue and grey from it being lost, then Fane knows that Solas needs him to help him get it back.

Once Solas reestablishes that control and the tremors stop, Fane will silently open his arms for his wolf and if he chooses to take the invitation (which Solas usually does), then Fane will always whisper, 'This dragon will catch you as many times as needed. So, let yourself spiral when it becomes too much; I'm here. I'm always here.'

...As you can see. I think about this a lot. X'D

31. Who is the big spoon and why?

To be honest, Fane and Solas take turns. PFFFT!

It honestly depends on how they both move throughout the night! Though, when they start out, Fane is the big spoon because he has a tendency to...curl. XD

So, you know how dragons are shown just kind of curling up like large cats? That's what Fane does with Solas. He'll burrow his face in our dear wolf's neck, pull him as close as he possibly can, and just...pass out. It's one of the fastest ways Fane falls asleep, actually. Solas, at first, was like, 'Fane? ...Fane?', but once it kept occurring all it got were fond chuckles and a single utterance of, 'Good night, ma'isenatha.'

...Fane just chuffs in his sleep and Solas has to try and keep a straight face. My boy is feral. Don't let him fool you. Don't.

50. Who makes the best flower crown?

You all are catching onto me, aren't you?! Aren't you?! *dinosaur scream*

Indirectly, Fane was the best at making flower crowns. Yes, you heard me. Was.

---

Fane used to wander away from Solas during the time of Elvhenan, seeking the forests and the mountains instead of enduring the piercing eyes of the Evanuris and the boiling rage that nearly made his icy core melt with its heat. As such, he would start...poking around in the meadows, draconic curiosity taking him by the horns. Once, during such a necessary venture, Fane stumbled upon a vibrant patch of blooming Gladiolus--golden and sweet. They swayed with magic and spirited wind, twinkling with the song that encased the entire realm.

They were beautiful in a world that had steadily been on the decline.

Fane nudged a bloom with his snout, blinking and huffing as a bell rung from it--glittering essence drawing out from the center and cascading to the earth below. Had the flower just sang? Sang as the spirits and elves did? He found such a thing curious, and so he had nudged another.

Ring. Another bell. He then nudged another golden chime. Ring. Another bell! They did sing!

Fane huffed again, cool breath sprinkling a light frost over the chiming flowers, but they endured with their beauty, with their eternal nature. His burst of air spurred up glittering pollen, wafting the sweet scent of these delicate bells up to his nostrils without preamble.

They smell of honey, Fane mused and began to gingerly nuzzle into the tiny patch, seeking more sweetness, more beauty. Why had he never seen these blooms before? He had graced this world for many, many centuries, and yet, never once had he observed golden Gladiolus. How odd, but it gave him an equally as odd idea.

The wolf likes honey, yes? Fane thought, eyes narrowing as he stopped his mindless snuffling. A feeling of warmth engulfed his snowy core, scales bristling from the foreign sensation before it ebbed away. Why did he always feel so...strange when he thought of the rebel?

Fane huffed harshly at the warmth coursing through him, actually shaking his head a bit before fixing the dazzling buds with an intense stare.

The wolf likes honey. Fane nodded in agreement with his mind and, with one edge of a sharp fang, sliced into the stem of the sweet bloom of gold. He nudged the severed flower to the side, snorting a bit when some pollen invaded his airways, but shook it off to continue gathering more.

Fane made short work of the small patch of Gladiolus, rising with pride to gaze upon his bundle of petaled nightingales. Each one softly chimed and glimmered, not at all perturbed by being uprooted. He supposed the foundation of magic was not so vile, so long as it was used as it was intended.

Now, I suppose I should head back. Fane growled under his breath at that thought. He didn't wish to go back to...to there. The lair of deceit and pitiful, self-proclaimed 'gods' who had nothing but desire in their single toned eyes. But...the wolf was there, and he wan--no, had to stay by the wolf's side.

Heat filled Fane's core again, making him growl once more and shake out his scales as they bristled with a sensation unnatural. Why did he keep getting so warm?! It was mid-spring! Not the height of summer!

Fane growled as the heat stubbornly refused to abate. Begone, begone, begone! He huffed heavily as the ember trickled away, leaving him cool and all together, snowy. There. Better. It must simply be the magic in the air. It is stronger within these woods.

With the heat of oddity gone and his mind decided, Fane turned his head to gather up his...bouquet? Is that what the Elvhen called it? He had seen arrangements done, but none of them held a flame to the golden blooms he--

Fane blinked, eyes staring down at...a spirit? Wait this spirit who was now holding his flowers was--

Wisdom. Fane immediately thought next, form slowly relaxing as he caught the familiar sight of the kindly spirit. Their body ebbed and flowed like the silk robes worn by the Evanuris, but not for a need to flaunt. It was merely their nature, their being. A womanly face gazed up at him, serene smile in place as golden flowers were cradled in ethereal arms.

"Greetings, White One.", Wisdom greeted, swirling eyes of magic and knowledge somehow appearing fond. "I see you have found a rare flower this day." They gently jostled the bundle in their arms, golden essence puffing forth and sound like that of jingling Sentinel armor.

Fane tilted his head at the spirit. They knew of the flowers that sounded of bells? Before he did? Odd, but he supposed spirits of Wisdom would know such obscure things. Wisdom chuckled softly, voice that of a tender breeze.

"I know many things, isenatha.", Wisdom said, communicating with him easily. Although, most spirits did. They gracefully floated down to the ground, images of legs folding depicting the image of them sitting. "Just as I know of a perfect way for you to present this gift."

Fane blinked and found his eyes darting to and fro, trying to avoid the knowing gaze of Wisdom as they smiled serenely up at him. Damn it all! How he wished his disconnection to the minds of others and they to his worked on spirits!

Wisdom hummed, mimicking the chime that sang from the flowers as they picked one up with a delicate swoop of their hands. Fane watched from his peripheral, somewhat intrigued while still wishing to rebuff he had picked the flowers as a...a gift? How ridiculous! He had only want--thought the wolf would enjoy the scent. Nothing more!

"Please, sit, White One.", Wisdom beckoned with patience and a gentle voice. Their hands began to directly interact with the blooms, summoning a tendril of magic to fabricate a vine. "This will take but a moment." A smile danced on their wispy lips, upper half of their face hooded by a vision of a hooded cloak. "...And I have no doubt Fen'harel will be warmed when you offer him this particular crown."

Fane made a questioning growl, but Wisdom offered no more, resuming the odd task of weaving magical vines and twinkling gold. He watched for a time, curious and puzzled, but soon, he found his body carefully lowering to the ground. He curled up a bit, resting his maw upon his claws and observing the act of the spirit quietly. He caught another smile from the kindly spirit before their face went neutral, focused.

A crown.. Fane mused as he watched just that be formed from both the natural and the imaginable. The warmth from earlier began to invade his body again, but this time, he made no moves to shove it away, so entranced by the delicate weaving of gold and blue. He merely narrowed his eyes and watched, letting the ember steadily grow. I want to see the sky smile.

Fane completely missed the tender look in Wisdom's otherworldly eyes, so besotted by the idea of a sight he shouldn't, but would desire.

---

Oh GOD, I blurbed! *yoinks this snippet for potential fuel for later* >:3

#asks #oc: fane lavellan #solas #solavellan #dragon age #ask #thank you so much for the ask friend! X3 #i know the fear one is kind of touching on anxiety and whatnot but i think it falls into the same category :3 #yes. fane knew wisdom which makes later FUUUUN *cries*#dragon!fane is very confused by what he's feeling and is a proud son of a gun PFFFT #*is thinking about solas in one of fane's tunics* ...i am so predictable

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azems-familiar · 3 years

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life/fic update

so! you guys may have noticed that it's. been a while since i've updated things. and that i've promised updates and then missed the deadlines. i kind of wanted to give an update on that whole thing and let you know when you can expect more fic to come out.

so a little over a week ago, i moved out of the frankly toxic environment i'd been in (which was constantly triggering my anxiety and super stressful for my cat, Jinn) into a hotel, where i've been living and will be for another week. after that week is up, i'm moving up to stay with @sith-shenanigans actually (fear our combined powers as siblings this is a threat), and then starting a new job (the same one i have currently but at a different store) at the end of November. things have been. extremely stressful lately and there has not been much brain for writing, so while i've tried to get fic done i haven't gotten very far.

there should hopefully be a chapter of the HP AU coming out by the end of the month - we're working on that actively right now - and i'd like to get a chapter of my kotor series out in the next couple of weeks, depending on how the move goes and whatnot, but i can't make any promises currently, which i'm sorry for. i can't offer much, but here, have a small tidbit of writing to tide you over:

And so it’s almost a full week after landing on the burial world that Revan gathers supplies - they’re beginning to run low, and if they don’t find the map within the next couple of days she will have to send Alek to Dreshdae to replenish them either way, because they’re going to need to be able to make it back to the more populated sectors to resupply before they follow the coordinates this map is supposed to give them - and starts out for the last of the easily-accessible tombs, Alek at her shoulder as he always is, his presence a reassurance against the cold wind and ceaselessly-shifting sands. (Not against the Dark, because the Dark has been a companion - if not a constant one - since Malachor, slipping along the edges of her dreams with icy fingers, present every time she reaches for the Force and making it near-impossible to touch it the way she used to, the way she was trained to. And gods, some part of her still whispers, what would the Jedi Council think?, but they abandoned any right to judge her when they refused to join her cause, and she hasn’t cared for their opinions in years, hasn’t even been a part of their Order for them to critique her actions since Onderon and maybe even earlier. And after Dromund Kaas, what they in their blindness and their complacency would ignore, she doesn’t trust anyone who isn’t herself and Alek. So maybe she uses the Dark, maybe she’s reached too far into the forbidden side of the Force - but it’s what won her the war and what saved her in the unknown, and there is no one left whose opinions she cares about to doubt her.)

(and, as always, if you want to chat with me or want live, real-time updates of writing and everything else, feel free to join the hell discord, in which there is a great deal of liveblogging writing attempts and yelling at Revan and co)

#ramblings #my writing #darth revan #kotor #sigh i am very tired tbh #this whole thing has just been. a mess #and i'm super grateful to finally be getting somewhere somewhat stable but #i'm just Exhausted you know?#i haven't had a lot of creative energy

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toutallyahoe · 4 years

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I don't should i commented on the post or not??? But uh, i would like fluffy headcanon with him. I JUST WANNA DIE FROM CUTENESS! That's it ^^. Again, love you so much! *blows a kiss aggressively*

a/n: its been awhile since i have written any bnha and also almost two years since i last touched any of content of it so sorry if i am a but clueless on some of the newer stuffs here (i just got too busy with other things i didnt manage to catch up on the plot so i gave up, sorry)

also, truly sorry if this took awhile. busy a bit and im literally wrote this while im in online class sooo, haha im going to fail again :'D

but anyways, one fluffy headcanons with the side character we all latched on to that psychology would probably say we all have daddy issues or something aizawa shōta!

hope this is alright :3

shōta loves cuddles

like, seriously

this tired mf loves cuddles and he will always, ALWAYS be the lil spoon

he doesnt know why he really likes being the lil spoon and frankly, he does not care

but the reason he finds it appealing to be the lil spoon is because he felt safe in [name]'s arms

also, hearing [name]'s heartbeat and lulling him to sleep is just great thing

like, shōta lost people he cared for in his life, a best friend in his high school made him terrified of lost and terrified to get close to people

so when he gave his heart to you, [name], hearing your heart beating and alive, it lessens shōta's anxiety and constant fearing of you flatlining

aizawa shōta is a rational kind of guy

but with you, [name], all rationality goes off the fucking window

shōta is in love with you

so fucking in love that he is fucking terrified

again, we established shōta fears lost of people he grown to love and care for

and if his [name] is a hero or atleast someone who's life is in danger on the job (e.g. firefighter, policeman, etc) please hug him when he arrives home

like, just hug him even if shōta tries to say he doesnt care about affection or whatnot

remind shōta you are there for him

just, hug him tightly please and mutter how you are still there with him and alive

anyways, gone a bit angst there sorry... lets go to some fluff again

shōta would absolutely love if his [name] would cook in the morning to prepare breakfast

actually, shōta cooks too if he wakes up earlier than you, [name]

but anyways, it just sweet and lovely to share the first meal of the day with a love one, you know?

and shōta, even grumbling that is too early in the morning as he begrudgingly sips his coffee, still enjoys it

he is happy to see you, [name] first thing in the morning

shōta is too in love with you to care if your hair has a messy looking bed head or anything

shōta would just softly smile at [name] as he either sleeps (if shōta wakes up first) or when you cook

speaking of sleep, shōta would actually wait for [name] to arrive (if you work ln late night shift) on the living room couch no matter how tired shōta is

again, shōta is afraid of you, [name], not coming back and he waits until he fallen asleep

there were times when you, [name], arrived to see shōta dozing off on the couch and immediately then groggily woke up when you carried him up to your shared bedroom

shōta would always sleepily grumble that you were late and then would doze off when you apologize and kiss his forehead

as long shōta knows [name] is alright, he'll sleep fine

another thing shōta likes besides hugs and cuddles are kisses

sure, shōta isnt fond of pda but on close doors, shōta wouldnt mind a kiss or two

forehead kisses are what shōta finds endearing

like, its innocent and sweet

when the both of you go off to work, before separating, shōta would require those kisses

a soft peck on his lips and then on his forehead even if shōta mutters that the latter kiss is a bit childish

shōta just lowkey adores it

anyways, shōta wouldnt say "i love you" a lot, especially in the start of both your relationship

shōta didnt want to get attach to you, [name]

shōta never thought that both your relationship would last this long and so, he tried to lock his heart up and built walls

but whoopsie daisy, you just had to fucking ruin it, didn't you [name]?

the first time shōta would say "i love you" to you [name] was around two months on both your relationship

it was a movie marathon the two of you did to just relax from the busy work schedule you both have

in the living room couch, lowkey cuddling and watching a random movie that suited both your interest, shōta was hit with the realization that maybe the two of you could work out

shōta just awkwardly mutter an "i love you" which absolutely surprise not only you but him aswell

with shōta be in denial and stuff, this was big thing for him and its honestly just fucking soft when shōta got a bit flustered and tried to focus on the movie while [name] soft softly smiling and looking fondly at him

like, no please stop

shōta doesnt meed more fucking reason to fall in love with you goddammit

but anyways, yeah

aizawa shōta is soft for his lover and would absolutely just be down to laze and cuddle around and sleep or watch some movies together and be domestic cute fuckers

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fleetingpieces · 4 years

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Everything we were CH 4

I was kinda waiting to post the chapters I already have for this fic, but work is keeping me hostage and I couldn’t finish MOIAM and I miss writing, so here ya go

Enjoy some marauders❤️

Special thanks to @knittingdreams for being such an amazing friend and beta❤️

Please check the tags for CW!

Masterlist ¦ Ao3

Chapter 4

“GRYFFINDOR!”

When the Hat announced that to the whole school, Sirius felt the blood leave his face. His thoughts were all jumbled. He had always felt a bit different than the rest of his family, and in the last few years he’d started drifting further and further away from them. But the Blacks had always been in Slytherin. Yes, he had thought about the possibility of this happening, and some part of him actually felt relieved, but it was still a shock to hear. His first reaction was to look up to the Slytherin table, smiling slightly at his cousin. When he saw Narcissa’s fuming glare however, his smile fell and he looked down. It had only been a few seconds, but it felt like an eternity before the gryffindors erupted in a wild applause and cheer.

He quickly took the Hat off and walked to the table, feeling dumbstruck, until his eyes found James’ and the boy gave him a thumbs up with a happy grin. Sirius relaxed a fair amount after that, kind of enjoying the bemused faces smiling up at him as he took a place on the bench.

The red haired girl from the train, Evans, was the second student to be placed in Gryffindor. Sirius tried to make some space for her, given that they were now housemates, but as soon as the girl recognized him, she threw a pointed look his way and promptly ignored him. Sirius rolled his eyes. What a stuck up.

Then a boy named Remus Lupin got called to the front and sat down with the Hat, shifting nervously. After only one second, Sirius saw the boy’s body go completely still, his face turning awfully pale. He wondered what the Hat could be telling him. But then the boy got sorted into Gryffindor as well; he came to sit down next to Sirius in a dazed state similar to the one he himself had been in.

Two more girls were consecutively placed in their house. The gryffindors were almost howling at this point, but Lupin was looking down, not noticing anything around them, stuck in his own thoughts. So Sirius decided to take the initiative. They were going to spend basically 7 years together after all.

“Hello.”

He was faced with bright amber eyes, and it was only then that Sirius realized it was the lad from the station. The boy gave him an apprehensive once over, before his eyes stopped at the sleeves of his robes and stayed there. Sirius tilted his head as the silence dragged by. Then Lupin’s head snapped up and he replied shyly.

“Um, hi.”

Sirius smiled, somehow reminded of Regulus. He thought about something to say, but before he could come up with anything interesting, the students around him started cheering again, and a pudgy blond boy sat in front of them. Sirius suddenly thought of James and tried to locate him between the remaining students, finding him just as he was called over by Professor McGonagall.

When James put the Hat on his head, a sudden fear took hold of Sirius. What if James was sorted into another house? They had bonded so quickly the thought hadn’t even occurred to him. They wouldn’t be able to spend much time together if they were in different houses, and what if Sirius couldn’t make other friends?

His thoughts were put at ease fairly quickly though, as James was sorted into Gryffindor as soon as his bum had touched the stool.

The rest of the evening was a breeze of happiness for Sirius, with just a little prick of doubt. He knew his family was a bit obsessed with the snake house and purebloods, but surely they wouldn’t hate him for this. He could still achieve great results at school even if he was a Gryffindor, and he’d never really liked Narcissa anyway, so she could just bugger off. His parents wouldn’t care, right?

However, he forgot all about that uneasiness when they were guided through the castle to the common room, and he and James struck an animated conversation with Nearly Headless Nick. All in all, it was a great start of his school life.

***

There was a draft coming from one of the windows of the big Charms classroom, making Remus shiver. He pulled at the sleeves of his jumper to cover his hands completely, the movement reminding him how uncomfortable he felt in his new uniform. He wasn’t used to clothes like this, most of his wardrobe at home was muggle. Jeans and sweatshirts were so much better than shirts, trousers and Merlin, that damned tie. How the hell was anyone able to make that thing look good and not a rumpled knot was beyond him. The only redeeming fact about the piece of clothing was whatever charm came with it. Remus had been surprised that morning before breakfast, when he’d gone through his trunk and found that his tie and the lines at the cuffs and neck of his jumper had changed from black to bright red and gold. He was faintly aware that he shouldn’t have been so surprised by it, but he just couldn’t help but try to figure out which spell was used on the school uniforms.

A loud thump beside him made him look up.

“Man, how did you find the classroom so fast? I’ve been wandering around for ages with those bloody staircases and whatnot. Had to ask a prefect to help me!” Pettigrew ranted, noticing with a weary glance that he was the last one in, but he seemed relieved that the class hadn’t started yet.

Remus gave him a noncommittal hum. He had been avoiding the other boys as much as he could since the feast last night, which wasn’t easy given that apparently all four of them would be sharing a dorm together. It made things so much more complicated. Remus had to take special care to get changed in their private bathroom, he didn’t want any of them seeing his body.

Pettigrew opened his mouth to say something more, but then Professor Flitwick appeared behind the desk, standing on top of a pile of books that didn’t look too steady, if you asked Remus.

“Alright students, please take out your wands,” he said with a squeaky voice. “Today we are going to learn about the Levitation Charm. This charm is an excellent test of your magical skills, wand control, and above all, patience!”

Remus felt the excitement filling him up. Finally, he would be able to try his new wand! He hadn’t dared use it at his house, to risk giving the Ministry an excuse to visit them and find out about him. No, Remus had been very careful and had pushed down on his anxiety.

But now he could finally try his hand at some spells!

Looking up at the Professor with bright eyes, he listened carefully to the explanation, taking in every detail of the demonstration. He actually knew most of the theory already, as he had read about it while at home.

“Now, try it yourselves. Don’t forget to do the right wand movement!”

Remus looked at the big white feather in front of him. To keep the nervousness from showing, he gripped his wand tightly, feeling a warm sensation spreading to his fingers. The students around him were chanting the spell out loud, the swish of wands drifting through the air, whoops of joy when someone got it right.

It’s ok, calm down already, Remus thought to himself.

He squared his shoulders, flicked his wand once…and nothing happened. His eyebrows drew together as he tried again. Nothing. He could clearly hear other students had succeeded already, but his feather was as unmoving as it had been when he’d set it on top of the desk. Maybe he was doing something wrong? After a few more tries with the same result, Remus started panicking. Was he not good enough? Did he have zero magical skill? Would the Headmaster realize he’d made a mistake and send him back home?

Then a darker, scarier thought crossed Remus’ mind. What if it had to do with him being a creature? Was he too much of a monster already that he couldn’t use magic anymore? His condition had taken so much from him already, that he wouldn’t be surprised if that were the case. He wanted to laugh and cry at the same time.

Remus was scared to look up, but if his lack of magic was a characteristic of his kind, he had to make sure that no other student had noticed. No one could know. Glancing around, he saw Pettigrew waving his wand frantically, sweat forming on his forehead, the white plume in front of him lying lazily on the table. With a tiny bit of hope, he noticed that quite a few students were still having problems, even if most of them seemed to have gotten at least some reaction from their feathers. Except from him and Pettigrew, that is. Apparently, they were the only ones not accomplishing anything.

Remus exhaled a relieved breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. He wasn’t a complete monster yet.

The teacher had said they would need patience, so he kept trying and trying, purposefully avoiding to look at Potter and Black, who were making their own quills clash around in the air while laughing. The theory was all in his head, the words and wand movement fresh in his memory, but he just couldn’t wrap his head around the way magic was supposed to work. The practical part of it was completely new, he had no reference as to what it should be like, as he hadn’t had any way to practice this at home.

Just as the bell rang, Remus felt something clicking in his head. The feather made a turn in the air, making his heart skip a beat, and he smiled happily as it hovered shakily in front of his eyes.

“Merlin, at least you were able to do it in the end,” said Pettigrew with a bitter scowl.

The pudgy boy had only managed to make his quill toss and turn on the table top. Remus gave him a sympathetic smile.

“I think yours was taking off that last time.”

Pettigrew's face lit up a bit, and Remus wondered if maybe he shouldn’t have said anything. Was that comment too friendly?

“Good on you, Lupin!” said a voice from behind them. Remus turned around to face Potter, who had Black sitting right next to him. “A lot of people don’t get it on the first lesson. At least that’s what my Dad said.”

Remus didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t tell if they were making fun of him or not. All the other students were leaving already, the sound of shuffling feet on the hallways filling the air. So he gave Potter a small nod and hurried out as well, leaving the boys slightly stunned. He knew he was being rude, but he didn’t know how else to interact with them. It would be better if he didn’t have to do that at all.

The first year gryffindors had some free time before lunch and, thinking about ways to keep himself busy, Remus decided to explore the castle a bit. It really was a pain to get around without getting lost, Remus had only found the classroom by following other students discreetly. He wanted to get acquainted with every hall and passage, and he really wanted to figure out the pattern of those bloody moving staircases. He’d nearly fallen five floors that morning when one of them started moving just as he was getting on.

Remus reached the hallway on the third floor, thinking about how nobody seemed to mention anything about the multiple dangerous things the school housed. Maybe that was why he’d been allowed to attend.

He was so distracted that he didn’t notice there was something in his way until he bumped face first into it. Rubbing his nose and cursing under his breath, he looked up to find Avery, the bulky first year from Slytherin, looking down his nose at him.

“Watch where you’re going, you dirty scum.”

The boy was barely a few inches taller than him, but he was wide; his arms were probably three times the size of Remus’. His short dark hair was cut in a way that made his jaw look sharper and his brown eyes harder. Avery had his arms crossed over his chest, studying Remus like he was a piece of meat. Remus raised an unimpressed eyebrow at him.

The situation reminded him an awful lot of some experiences he’d had with some neighbourhood kids when he and his family had lived in East Sussex. Avery seemed like the kind of mindless bully that would love to pick on Remus just because of his small and scrawny complexion. Those other kids had certainly enjoyed making him their preferred target. But it was precisely because of that, that Remus knew to keep an eye on his surroundings and scurry when necessary. So he went around Avery, muttering a half-hearted apology and trying to move along, but was soon stopped by another figure that came from behind the slytherin.

“What’s the problem here?” a tall boy with platinum hair drawled. Remus contained a whine and looked up, he’d almost gotten away. There was contempt in the bloke’s voice as he looked at Remus. “Who are you?”

Remus silently studied the blonde for a second. The way he held himself, like he was royalty, was similar to Black’s, but different at the same time. His robes were equally expensive, he had a green and silver tie, and a badge pinned to his chest. Of course he was a prefect. Remus had that kind of luck. There was something in the older boy’s pale blue eyes that was making Remus’ hairs stand on end; he looked like he could be trouble, the kind Remus was aiming to avoid as much as possible.

“I’m Remus Lupin.”

“Lupin?” the prefect sneered. “I’ve heard about your father’s preferences. You are a half-blood.”

It wasn’t a question, so Remus didn’t deign to give him a reply. The way he’d said the last word though, as if it was rotten garbage in his mouth, had Remus frowning. What did that even mean? The bloke was making him nervous, and Remus tried not to shift in place. He didn’t want anyone looking at him that closely, let alone a prefect. No one could know.

“Um, who are you?” his voice sounded smaller than he would have liked, and Avery smirked as the prefect narrowed his eyes at Remus.

“Watch your mouth, boy. It’s Malfoy. Lucius Malfoy. You’d do well to remember my name.”

As Malfoy took a step forward, a large group of students appeared around the corner, almost bumping into them when they filled the whole corridor. Remus decided to use that chance to get away before things could get worse, and as the students walked past he blended in with them and disappeared into another hallway. He’d learn to recognize when someone was best to avoid, and Malfoy was definitely someone he didn’t want to cross paths with more than necessary.

Remus walked fast, trying to put as much distance between them as possible, and went in the first room he could find. Closing the door behind him, he leaned into it and closed his eyes. It was his first day of school, and he’d already had to escape from some possible bullies. He wasn’t kidding himself, the kids from his old neighbourhood had no idea why Remus was so weird, but he knew the students at Hogwarts would be able to tell if he showed enough signs, if they saw his scars. He hoped running away hadn’t made things worse.

Sighing, Remus opened his eyes again and was stunned to see where he’d ended up in his haste.

Books.

Thousands of books, right in front of him, neatly organized on shelves. He glanced around with his mouth slightly open. Rows and rows of bookcases, going from one wall to the other, filled the room. There were only a handful of windows that filtered the morning light, giving the space a calm atmosphere. A few students were sitting on the tables scattered all over the big room, but everything was so very quiet; the only sounds were those of quills going over parchment and pages turning.

Remus walked ahead, his eyes glued to all those old volumes, until he reached the front desk and a woman with a deep scowl appeared in his line of sight.

“Are you lost?” she barked.

She was looking at him as if he didn’t belong there. Remus felt himself shrink under that look, but the temptation was too much to just let it slide.

“No, um…are we allowed to borrow any of these books?” He knew that his eyes were wide, probably making him look a bit insane, but he couldn’t erase the expression from his face. To his surprise, the woman’s glare dimmed a little bit. Not enough to make her look less scary though.

“You can borrow any book, except for those on the Restricted Section.” She pointed to the back of the library, where a rope separated some books from the rest. “You’ll need a signed note from a teacher to have one of those checked out. The other books you can read here or take out of the library, if you get my permission first. But I warn you, if you tear, fold, smear or damage these books in any way, the consequences will be quite severe.”

She fixed him with a stern look, and Remus smiled shyly.

“I will be very careful, I promise.”

The librarian looked mildly surprised, but Remus wasn’t paying attention to her anymore. He was staring in awe at all the knowledge sitting in the room, waiting for him to dig into it. The charm they’d learned that morning had been harder than he’d expected, but he was pretty sure he had figured it out now. Maybe he could find a corner of the library to tuck himself away and practice some more. He could even find out which spells they would be learning, and try to learn them ahead of time to avoid himself more embarrassment. Remus hoped that if he practiced enough, he would be able to understand magic better and struggle less. Smiling to himself, he set off to explore the tall shelves.

#everything we were #eww #fanfic #wolfstar #wolfstar fic #Remus Lupin #remus x sirius #Sirius x Remus #Sirius Black #Marauders #marauder era #hp marauders #marauders fic #hogwarts #cw: slurs #cw: mention of bullying

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hiccanna-tidbits · 3 years

Note

5, 6, 7 & 8 for OTP asks with Hiccanna!!

HELL YEAH BRO

Soulmate AU: Who is eager to meet their soulmate? Who absolutely does not want to meet their soulmate?

Anna, hopeless romantic and “true love” fanatic that she is, is incredibly down to meet her soulmate. One of her biggest fears is being inherently unlovable and that no one will ever love her for who she is (parents dying and sister shunning you has to leave some abandonment issues babyyyy), so she takes a lot of comfort in the idea of a soulmate--at least one person is basically certain to love her, right?

Hiccup, meanwhile, is apathetic at best and annoyed by the idea of a higher power dictating who his girlfriend is at worst. Unlike Anna, he doesn’t really fear no one will ever really love him for who he is--rather, he just accepts it as fact. Growing up with no friends and an emotionally-distant father, Hiccup came to believe that he was never going to feel the kind of deep, boundless love he’d seen between other people--and he made his peace with it. Being a more introverted scientist and inventor-type, Hiccup tends to spend a lot of time alone anyways and believes (maybe not fully accurately) that he prefers it that way. Besides, the logician in him thinks the whole “magic cosmic soulmate” thing is probably bullshit, and he just can’t figure out how something like soulmates could ever be backed or supported by modern science. Ultimately, Hiccup figures he’s going to date who he’s going to date (if he can even find any girls who are interested, that is), and he really couldn’t care less what the stars have to say about it.

When Hiccup and Anna do finally meet, and eventually start dating (knowing how shy and awkward they’d both be about confessing, it would take months to years after them meeting to actually get together, even in a goddamn soulmate AU), it isn’t revealed that they’re soulmates right away. Maybe it’s revealed by their hearts glowing a certain color when they first realize they’re in love with the other person? Idk.

When Anna finds out they’re soulmates, she’s absolutely stoked. Like the girl probably runs around their home for a solid 15 minutes planning a soulmate reveal party or something. Hiccup, meanwhile, is just kind of like “Oh! Neat!” and then immediately goes back to whatever he was doing XD

Anna is a bit hurt that Hiccup is so, ah...unconcerned about them being literally destined to be together. She’s mainly worried that it means that he doesn’t like...cherish their connection enough and whatnot. After he picks up on the fact that she’s kind of upset about his definitive lack of a strong reaction to the whole thing, he explains to her that he didn’t really care because he’d 100% date Anna whether or not she was his soulmate. Saying their souls were deeply connected was basically just putting a formal title on what he already knew.

And Anna has to take a minute, because honestly? Hiccup confidently saying he’d be with her in any reality, even one where he risks angering cosmic forces to do so, is actually much more romantic than them being supposedly “fated for each other” since the beginning.

Single parent AU: Which one is the single parent? (Alt. if they’re both single parents: Which one is open to starting a new relationship from the start? Which one is never planning on finding love again… Until they meet the other and are instantly smitten?)

I think I’ll have Zephyr and Nuffink be the single parent kids because I Just Think They’re Neat! That, and I honestly can’t bear to make lovechildren for Anna with anyone but Hiccup XD (those of you who know me will know making Krist/anna lovechildren in any context is RIGHT OUT).

So in this AU things didn’t work out with Astrid and Hiccup is pretty heartbroken over it :( I imagine she ultimately left him because she wasn’t really feeling the spark anymore, and they have joint custody of the kids. Meanwhile, Hiccup and Anna were neighbors growing up, and were pretty close friends as kids until Anna moved away and they lost touch. She eventually comes back to their hometown as an adult, and she and Hiccup reconnect. They’re also both like “ah shit, my old buddy got HOT” XD

I actually think Anna and Zephyr would really hit it off, mainly because Anna sees a lot of what she loves the most about Hiccup in Zephyr. Zephyr has Hiccup’s anxiety, cynicism, inventive streak, overall social awkwardness--and because Anna knows Hiccup so well and knows how to best accommodate all of his quirks and oddities, it’s not hard for her to extrapolate how best to befriend a younger version of him XD Zephyr, meanwhile, has had trouble befriending kids her age due to her bluntness and general “nerdiness,” so she’s always happy to find someone who accepts her unconditionally and takes a genuine interest in her wacky inventions--even if it’s her dad’s new girlfriend, who by all accounts should be a weird person for her to get close to XD Zephyr also devours science books like they’re going out of style, and is very pleased that Anna is more than happy to listen to her ramble on and on about random science trivia. Zeph still loves her biological mom, for sure, but she starts thinking of Anna as a second mom. She brags to all the kids at school that she has two moms, which leaves them very confused and wondering if Astrid ended up marrying another woman after she divorced Hiccup (which, to be fair, wouldn’t be entirely out of character).

Nuffink, meanwhile, is a little more unsure about the whole situation, if mainly because I headcanon him as a bit of a mama’s boy. He doesn’t dislike Anna so much as he’s just...wary of her, and doesn’t know how to feel about his dad falling in love with someone who isn’t his mom. He also can’t help but feel out-of-place when he, Zephyr, Hiccup, and Anna go out on “family outings” because he kind of looks like he doesn’t belong. With her reddish-brown hair, her blue eyes, her aundance of freckles, and her fondness for wearing twin braids, Zephyr could definitely pass as Anna’s daughter (I’ve even seen Anna used as an older version of Zephyr in video edits, which is hilariously ironic). Although Nuffink has his dad’s eyes, he very much has his biological mom’s hair and doesn’t look like he’s related to Anna at all.

I think what helps them finally bond is that they both have a love of combat! Nuffink definitely does some kind of martial arts or fencing training if he can access it, and Anna is more than happy to teach him some swordplay and spar with him if he wants! Because Sword Anna is best Anna, fight me. Nuffink is also open-minded enough that hey, if his cool big sister likes someone that much, she can’t be that bad. Hiccup is just...continually super impressed with how much Anna knows about fighting--and it makes him fall all the more in love with her, because he loves that in a woman XD Once Nuffink warms up to Anna, he’s constantly trying to impress her ith how tough he is--mostly shown by him ramming his head into walls. Poor Anna worries about Nuffink a lot XD

I imagine there’s a little bit of tension between Anna and Astrid in this AU. Not really because Astrid resents Hiccup moving on--she’s actually pretty happy for Hiccup that he found someone better suited for him than her--but more because she worries Anna is trying to replace her as the kids’ “true mom” XD Anna, meanwhile, can’t help but resent Astrid a little for breaking Hiccup’s heart and doesn’t get why they kids can’t just have two moms! The more people who love them, the better, right???

I don’t imagine Anna and Hiccup having any biological kids in this AU, because I think two stepkids would be plenty for Anna! Of course, since Zephyr and Nuffink are Hiccup’s, she loves them with all her being and tries to be the best stepmom she can be. But I think having more than two kids would stress Anna’s ADHD ass the fuck out, and she doesn’t strike me as the sort of person who would feel a need to have biological kids with Hiccup if she already had Nuffink and Zephyr to parent. Our girl is perfectly happy adopting!

Doctor AU: Which one is the longsuffering doctor? Which one is the patient?

Hiccup is the long-suffering doctor, although not entirely by choice. Often he wonders if being a doctor is actually what he wanted, but his dad was like “WELL SON! YOU’RE SMART, SO YOU GOTTA BE A DOCTOR SO YOU MAKE BIG BUCKS!” (I’m headcanoning in this AU Stoick is a professional athlete of some kind, and has made BANK since he was young. He can’t really conceive of his son NOT pursuing a well-paid profession). Hiccup doesn’t really want to disappoint his rather intimidating dad, so he goes along with it.

It’s not that he dislikes it, when all is said and done. He does care about people and wants to help them, although he hides it underneath about 10 layers of snark. Still, it’s stressful and thankless work, and often he worries about whether he took the right path. Too late to pursue something else now, he supposes.

Then he meets Anna, rushed to the ICU with a collection of third-degree electrical burns. She tried to plug all of her Christmas light strings into the same power strip, and uh...it did not go well. Hiccup is there monitoring her vitals when she wakes up, and she just kind of wearily sighs and admits to him that living on her own wasn’t nearly as fun or exciting as she thought it would be. As it turned out, Anna had insisted she could be trusted with putting up her apartment’s holiday decorations, and she very much should not have been.

Anna ends up having to stay a couple weeks. She needs a small skin graft (yeah, she fucked herself up THAT bad), and then needs a bit of time for the surgery wounds to heal. Hiccup is assigned to do checkups on her regularly, and starts to look forward to it. Her perky disposition (despite being stuck in the hospital with burn wounds) is contagious, and she never fails to make him laugh after a long, draining shift. As stressful as his job is, Anna becomes his one respite.

He has to admit, it’s nice to have at least one thing to look forward to.

Hiccup is a little sad to see Anna go. Of course, bumbling, socially awkward foot-in-mouth fool that he is, he doesn’t have the courage to ask for her number so they can keep in touch. That would, uh...probably be unprofessional or something. Besides, it would probably crush his heart and soul if she was weirded out by his soft spot for her so like...maybe best not to even open himself up to the possibility.

Then, not two weeks later, Anna shows up at the hospital again--this time having broken three bones in a hiking accident. Apparently she got too excited about a particularly nice view, and toppled right off the top of a very steep bluff. He, once again, takes on her care, and is delighted (albeit guiltily) to have her back. He, once again, has something to make work not suck as much!

Oddly enough, this turns out to be the first of many hiking accidents. Anna comes in next month claiming to have nearly burned her arm off in a rogue campfire, and then again the next month claiming to have been mauled by a bear (although Hiccup is pretty sure those bleeding gashes were just left by a very big dog, and Anna is too embarrassed to admit it). Odder still, Hiccup distinctly remembers talking to Anna during her first hospital stay about how much he loved hiking and the outdoors, and now all of her new string of injuries just happen to be hiking-related. He can’t help but be baffled about how her insurance even covers all of this, but apparently having a family lineage distantly related to Norwegian royalty has its perks.

On roughly her 7th hospital stay, Hiccup finally gathers up the courage to ask Anna for her number, if only because he figures it would be nice for them to see each other without Anna having to nearly get herself killed first every time XD

Bodyguard AU: Who is the bodyguard? Who are they protecting? Which one is secretly pining for the other?

OMIGOD SO

I HAD AN IDEA FOR THIS

What if Anna was sent to bodyguard Hiccup in an AU where Arendelle is a lot more militaristic???

Basically what I'm thinking is that this is in an alternate timeline, Hiccup didn't injure Toothless's tail when he shot him down. The beginning of HTTYD plays out the same, but Toothless can still fly and just yeets off after Hiccup frees him, supposedly never to be seen again. However, this still leads Hiccup to believe he may not be dragon-fighting material after all. The poor boy still yearns to find a way to prove his worth to Berk, though.

As Hiccup gets older, his strength doesn't really improve, and it becomes clear to Stoick that he's always going to be pretty scrawny. Because of this, he's hesitant to put Hiccup in dragon training for the sake of his son's own safety--and hey, Hiccup seems to have lost interest in dragon-fighting anyhow, so it's not like Hiccup will fight him on it. Nonetheless, the dragon raids are getting worse, and Stoick worries about Hiccup being able to protect himself at all. Knowing most of the older villagers are busy with dragon-fighting and other jobs, and honestly doubting any of the village's teenagers would protect Hiccup if push came to shove, Stoick sends out an appeal of sorts to neighboring villages and kingdoms requesting a bodyguard for his skinny disaster of a son.

Back in Arendelle, shut-in princess Anna is surprised yet intrigued when a messenger from the Viking village of Berk shows up at Elsa's coronation. In a timeline where Hans and Anna don’t have their chance encounter, Hans sets his wooing sights on the newly-crowned Queen Elsa (and fails), and no push ends up being strong enough to make Elsa lose control of her powers at the ceremony. Anna, however, still feels hurt by her sister’s seemingly reasonless rebuke earlier in the evening and finds herself aching to explore the world outside her castle and be close with someone--anyone--again.

When the Viking messenger requests a bodyguard for the Chief of Berk’s son, Anna is quick to volunteer. The messenger scoffs at first, but to his surprise, the soft-looking princess isn’t entirely unqualified. She filled many of her long, empty childhood hours training with the Arendelle guard, and her swordplay is admirable. To prove her worth, Anna faces off with one of the Berkian warriors in a duel--and holds her own shockingly well. While Queen Elsa is hesitant to let her sister run off to a faraway nation, Anna vehemently insists that Arendelle doesn’t need two monarchs, and this will be great for diplomatic relations in the long run. Of course, she also longs to explore and get away from the place she’s been trapped her entire life, but Elsa doesn’t need to know that part.

When Anna arrives in Arendelle, Hiccup has absolutely no idea what to make of his new bodyguard. On the one hand, a girl who’s good with a sword is hot, and he’s long since given up on Astrid anyways. On the other hand, Hiccup is definitely irked that his dad sees him as so weak and incapable that he’s the only Viking in the village who needs a full-on bodyguard, and he hates feeling like he’s being babied and coddled (not that this is Anna’s fault). Still, his bodyguard is essentially the only person who’s ever seemed to actually want to be friends with him in...well, his whole life, and honestly? He’ll take it.

Anna, meanwhile, still aching for love and connections of really any kind, is nigh-instantly smitten. His brains, his creativity, his constant snide jokes, his snark-coated good heart, his weird, messy hairdo--all of it has an 18-year-old Anna completely over the moon. Hiccup, feeling hopeless in the world of romance after being rejected by Astrid, is honestly just relieved to finally have a friend--to the point that it doesn’t even occur to him that Anna’s a girlfriend option.

Not long after she arrives in Berk, Anna is put into dragon training to prepare for raids. She does a bit of training of her own with Hiccup, teaching him some swordplay to try and boost his confidence. It’s not hard to tell that he has mixed feelings about having to have a protector, and Anna hopes that by teaching him some basic fighting skills he can at least feel a little better if he’s ever in a situation where she isn’t there to defend him.

As she gets deeper into her dragon training, Anna asks Hiccup why he never gave dragon training a go. Granted, him being as physically small as he is would be a disadvantage, but he could still learn to hold his own decently well using speed and stealth. It would help him be able to protect himself, if nothing else. Hiccup seems very reluctant to talk about the whole subject, but he says Anna needs to trust that he knows he can’t kill dragons. He tends to give the shortest answers possible to her questions, and nigh-instantly changes the subject. When Anna presses too much, he gets snippy.

As they get closer, Hiccup finally opens up to Anna about the time he shot down a Night Fury and couldn’t bring himself to make the final kill. He admits to cutting the creature free, and how the dragon nearly killed him--only to spare Hiccup just as Hiccup had spared him. “I saw more than just a ruthless killer when I looked into that dragon’s eye,” Hiccup tells her. “I saw myself. I think there’s so much more to them than anyone knows, but...you’re the only person I feel like would actually give me the benefit of the doubt on that.”

During the next raid, Anna pays closer attention to the dragons than before. She watches how they interact with the villagers, and notice that they never seem to go out of their way to go after people. They only fight Vikings when Vikings initiate, and the dragons’ main concern always seems to be taking sheep and fish. Left to their own devices, they don’t seem to want to hurt anyone.

Unfortunately, Anna standing off to the side and trying to watch what all the dragons are doing leaves her distracted--and vulnerable. She’s not prepared for a camouflaged changewing to melt out of the wall behind her, whipping around and backing her into a corner. Anna grabs for her sword but can hardly move, frozen in terror as the massive dragon stares her down.

She holds up an arm, bracing herself for a wall of fire, but none comes. There’s a swish of wings and a gust of wind blows her back. When she looks up, the dragon is gone.

It would’ve been beyond easy for the dragon to kill her. The creature clearly saw her--could have taken advantage in her moment of frozen stupor and burned her to a crisp. And yet...the dragon spared her. Just like the Night Fury had spared Hiccup.

Anna realizes Hiccup might be onto something.

Together, Hiccup and Anna decide they’re going to get to the bottom of what dragons are really like--and why they’re stealing the village’s food. While claiming to go out for “battle practice,” Hiccup and Anna track down dragons and study them in secret--observing them, writing about them, seeing how they behave and how they interact with one another. They’re surprised by what they see: left to their own devices, dragons are good-natured and compassionate, and they take care of their own. Strangely, they never seem to feed the stolen food to their young. Hiccup predicts they’re not actually keeping it for themselves, and taking it somewhere nigh unreachable for humans. For what actual purpose is anyone’s guess.

Anna starts using the info she gathers observing dragons with Hiccup in dragon-training. She finds ways to sooth them and calm them down in the ring by using things they seem to enjoy in the wild. Scented grass, bits of fish, soft touches, slow, gentle movements. The village marvels at her newfound skills, and can’t help but wonder where she developed such a knack for controlling dragons despite spending basically all her time around “Stoick’s little runt.” She couldn’t be training with him, of all people...could she? Astrid, for one, is definitely none too pleased about her spot at the top of the class being threatened.

Meanwhile, Anna and Hiccup can’t help but grow fond of the dragons they watch. They start becoming more bold, and leaving snacks of trout and mutton for the scaled creatures. Anna is delighted when the food ends up attracting none other than what she’s pretty sure is the same changewing who spared her, as well as a curious snaptrapper. She’s never gotten to see a snaptrapper up close before, and is completely undeterred by the triple-jawed four heads. Rather, she is far more preoccupied with coming up with the perfect name for each head.

“Omigod, he’s so PRETTY! And he smells like CHOCOLATE!”

“...you know they probably emit that scent to lure in prey so they can slice it in three, right?”

“CHOCOLATE, HICCUP!!!”

With each new meal, the local dragons grow more and more comfortable with Hiccup and Anna. After a while, the changewing and the snaptrapper even let Anna touch their noses. Anna falls in love with watching the changewing seem to melt around the forest as she camouflages, and rolling in the mud with the snaptrapper after a summer storm. Hiccup starts catching what seems to be glimpses of the Night Fury he freed, and it appears that the curious creature has come back to investigate him.

The Night Fury appears more and more, drawn in by Hiccup’s trout feast. Hiccup notices the dragon’s wing is injured, likely shot by someone from the village. Although he’s not completely helpless, he’s having trouble. Hiccup sets to work on his most daring project yet--making a “brace” of sorts that can mend the ripped wing.

When Hiccup and Anna attempt to distract the Night Fury long enough to climb up and put the wing brace on, something unexpected happens. The dragon shoots up to the sky, both unwitting passengers clinging onto his tail for dear life.

Once they get their bearings and clamber up to his back, the Night Fury (who Hiccup has nicknamed “Toothless” for his retractable teeth) takes them on a flight through the clouds. Unable to help herself, Anna laces her arms around Hiccup’s waist--if only so she can supposedly “hold on better.”

Hiccup, of course, still doesn’t get it.

The flight takes a sinister turn when Toothless takes them to the dragon nest, and Hiccup finally gets his answer about where all of the villages food has been going--to their queen. Unsure what to do or how to free their new friends from the Red Death, Hiccup and Anna promise each other one thing or sure--none of the rest of Berk can know about the dragon nest. If they attack it, it spells disaster for both dragons and Vikings--not to mention the question of how they got there is sure to dig up their secret dragon-related activities as of late.

With each dragon raid, Anna finds herself more and more reluctant to fight dragons--especially now that she knows what’s actually going on. She only does the bare minimum to protect the food and the village, never going out of her way to attack a dragon or landing a killing blow (although by this point, she’d definitely be skilled enough to). During one particularly intense raid, Anna is finding it harder and harder to fend dragons off without doing lethal damage. While driving out a particularly tenacious monstrous nightmare, Anna happens upon the same changewing she’s befriended in the forest, limping to safety.

It would be incredibly easy to finish the dragon off, but Anna refuses. The dragon knows she’s beat, and so Anna lets her leave without so much as a swing of the princess’s sword.

Unfortunately, Astrid sees.

After the raid, Astrid storms up to Anna and chews her out in front of the whole village, yelling about how weak she was to not go for a dragon kill when she had the chance. It turns out Astrid’s also been noticing Anna going intentionally easy on the dragons, and how much the Arendelle princess seems to hold back when fighting him. Astrid knows it’s not physical incompetence, or a lack of skill--she’s seen Anna subdue plenty of dragons in training.

No, it seems to be the princess’s heart that’s weak. Her kingdom must be nothing but a bunch of bleeding-hearted morons, and she’ll never be tough enough to really belong in Berk.

As he watches Astrid yell and the Berkians all turn to sneer at the scene, Hiccup feels a sudden rush of protectiveness for his friend. Tears are starting to form in the corners of her eyes, and something gives in him seeing her subjected to the very ostracization that left him completely alone for so many years.

He walks up beside Anna, and suddenly he’s shouting like he’s never quite had the courage to before.

“You’re wrong, Astrid! You’re all wrong!”

Before long, he’s spilling everything--how dragons are intelligent and caring creatures, how they’re only stealing food to feed a ruthless queen, how he’s sure humans have killed far more dragons than vice versa. The village stares, horrified. When Stoick storms forward, Hiccup and Anna know it’s nothing good.

Stoick is disgusted. The very bodyguard he had brought all the way out to Berk to give his son strength did nothing but fill Hiccup’s head with softness and dangerous lies. He banishes Anna, warning her never to set foot in Berk or speak to his son again.

Hiccup will not have it. He says if Anna’s leaving, he’s coming with her. He’s made his choice, and he’s standing by the only person who ever really treated him with unconditional love and kindness.

“Fine,” Stoick says simply. “We’ll be rid of two traitors, then.”

Cast out from Berk, Hiccup and Anna find themselves with a new mission: Find the nest before the rest of Berk does, and take out the Red Death once and for all.

With the help of Toothless, the Changewing (who Anna has nicknamed “Flicker”), and the Snaptrapper (whose heads Anna have very creatively named Leafy, Greeny, Spiky, and Badbreath. It’s beyond Hiccup how she tells all of them apart, but she’s very adamant about which is which.), they find the dragon hive again, and attempt the impossible--attacking the queen. It seems hopeless at first, but once more and more malcontented dragons see what they’re doing, they join in and rebel.

It’s a tough fight, but the two humans and the revolting dragons come out on top. Not before the Red Death has one last hurrah, though--letting out a final, massive blast of fire that knocks Hiccup askew and sends him tumbling down into the flames. Toothless, Flicker, Anna, and the Snaptrapper dive after, and are quickly engulfed in red and orange.

Meanwhile, the Berkians have sent out ships following Hiccup, Anna, and their dragons, guessing the nest is where they were headed. By the time they get there, the fight is over--and Stoick and Gobber just manage to catch a glimpse of Hiccup plummeting into the flames.

Anna screams Hiccup’s name until the smoke burns her throat so much she can’t anymore. She remembers swooping underneath him and just managing to grab hold of his limp body before everything goes dark.

When she comes to later, it’s still dark--but she feels something soft and warm in her arms, and feels scales pressed against her back. Her arm is searing with pain, but she barely notices it as her eyes adjust to the darkness. Hiccup is curled up against her--groaning, but alive.

Not sure she’ll ever get another chance, she puts a hand on his cheek and finally tells him the truth. “I love you.”

He opens his eyes and looks, gaze shocked until a slow realization washes over him. He smiles. “I love you, too.”

They both pass out, still wrapped up in each other.

When the flames clear, Stoick sees what looks like a pile of dragons, all pressed together with their wings folded in. Slowly, they lift their wings to reveal two humans--charred in places, but alive.

Wracked with guilt, Stoick realizes he was wrong. Hiccup’s new bodyguard helped his son become stronger and braver than the chief of Berk ever imagined.

It turns out taking down the queen saved the dragons and the humans, and thanks to Hiccup, Anna, and their dragon friends, Berk will never have to worry about dragon raids again.

It turns out Hiccup’s leg and Anna’s arm didn’t quite make it out of the fire. Luckily, Gobber has always been handy at prosthetics--and Hiccup manages to make a fairly dextrous and functional metal hand for Anna. Anna is utterly delighted with how cool it looks.

After the whole Red Death incident, it’s decided that Hiccup is probably competent enough that he doesn’t need his own bodyguard anymore. Nonetheless, Anna is welcome to stay in Berk as long as she likes. And with new dragon friends and an incredibly cute new boyfriend, she’s not going anywhere anytime soon!

***

This is in reference to this post! I’ve already done these questions for Moanida. Theoretically still willing to do any questions I haven’t yet for Hiccanna and Moanida, although these were exhausting to write out so I might not give as long of answers XD

#hiccanna #hiccup x anna #anna x hiccup #hiccup #anna #otp questions #hiccup haddock #princess anna #hiccupxanna #annaxhiccup #rotbtd #rotbtfd #httyd #frozen #crossover

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rosesvioletshardy · 4 years

Text

life as we know it - b.h. - chapter 7

i originally planned on this chapter posting yesterday but i got caught up watching avatar the last airbender on netflix again so it ended up a little late. this chapter is also a little heavy on some subjects so if it bothers you please skip it. i tried not to put it too much seeing that it also made me a little uncomfortable so i hope it doesn’t bother y’all too much.

masterlist

summary: when their two best friends die, it’s up to ben and y/n to take care of their goddaughter and face the challenges that come with it.

# of words: 3,427 (about)

warnings: talks of poop, mentions of vomiting, anxiety / panic attacks, fluff

taglist: @myfatbottomedgirls , @evemarie05, @suckerfor-fanfics

(message or inbox me if you want to added to the taglist for this fanfic)

---

(basically what ben wore to the guardianship hearing)

late may 2017 (charlie is 8 months)

ben was the first to awake, seeing that he couldn’t sleep anymore and decided he needed to go for a run after not having been on one for a while and took frankie with him. when he left, the sound of the door closing woke y/n up. getting out of the bed, she went to charlie’s room and found her already awake. after changing her diaper and clothes, they went downstairs to fix breakfast like they do every morning from now on

“okay charlie girl what do you want today? avocado and peas or oatmeal?”

y/n didn’t get an answer but charlie just hitting her teething ring on the table of her high chair and babbled. charlie still hadn’t said her first word or started to walk and they feared that they hadn't been encouraging it enough to say her first words.

“okay you’ll have the oatmeal today and avocado tomorrow. deal?”

she had managed to feed both her and charlie and get breakfast ready for ben and frankie for when they came back. during the extra time she had, she put on some music and started to sing and dance along. picking charlie up from her and started to dance around causing her to giggle and squeal. ben came back from his run walking into the kitchen and seeing charlie and y/n dancing while she sang along before she turned around and saw ben recording her and laughing. when the song ended, y/n put charlie back into her high chair and ben went upstairs to shower and get ready.

ben was about to leave for a meeting with his agent about a new movie after finishing breakfast and give charlie to y/n after having her on his lap, when he stopped dead in his tracks when he felt something heavy in charlie’s diaper and smelt something bad.

“do you smell that?”

“smell what?” y/n asked him as she dried her hands off

“her. do you smell that smell coming off her?”

“oh maybe she pooped! she didn’t do it overnight or anything and i changed her diaper this morning but i didn’t think she would do it that quick.”

ben lifted her up to check to see and immediately regretted his thoughts as he pushed charlie towards her and started to gag

“yeah she needs a change. oh my god. my eyes are starting to water so bad.”

“stop being a baby. c’mon let’s go” she said as they walked up the stairs to charlie’s room

ben laid her down on the changing table and took off her the pants she was wearing and unbuttoned the shirt.

“okay. go on, do the thing.” he gestured to her as she stood next to him covering her nose

“what? why me? because i’m the girl?”

“yeah.”

“well i can’t-”

“ben you need to learn how to do something with her besides play! i’ve changed her diaper so many times since we had her and bathed her as well.” she said before continuing

“get in there. go ahead.”

“okay, fine. You know what? easy. if i can act, then i can do this. It’s not that -”

“it’s something you can check off your checklist. Check” y/n said as she did a check notion in the air

“what are you doing?”

“i don’t know what i’m doing. it’s not a bra that i’m taking off a girl. It’s a diaper that i’m taking off a baby, okay? is there a box of instructions?”

“it’s not rocket science. just take the tabs off.”

“see those little tabs? just undo them.”

as ben undid the tabs and pulled the diaper away, both him and y/n were hit with a big surprise from charlie causing them to start gagging while she just laid there and giggled

“don’t do that! you’re going to make me vomit!”

“it’s like slumdog millionaire in there.”

“you’re going to make me throw up”

“she didn’t eat enough to even produce that! she had like two pieces of those cracker things-” ben started to yell as she started to hit him

“she’s getting it in her toes!”

“okay, okay, okay! give me those wipes! give me more” ben stated as she kept handing him wipes

“what, it’s like a poop suit.” ben started to say as they heard the doorbell ring making him run to go get it

“ben!? don’t leave me here!” y/n yelled

as ben ran down the stairs, their neighbors were arguing before the door opened

“i’m getting the feeling this is some kind of reconnaissance mission.” zachary, rachel’s husband said

“no one else is thinking this.” rachel said before ben quickly opened the door

“oh, hi!!” they all said

“Hey”

“we’re just, you know...here comes the street”

“what’s going on?” ben asked

“just uh, you know, bringing you some dishes, and whatnot. new parents have to stock the fridge. one, two, three. just because” rachel said laughing

ben knew exactly what they wanted which was them wanting to come inside. he gave in and told them to come in. this made him remember that he a meeting to go to and according to his agent it could be a big one

“come on it.” he said moving out of the way

“oh how unexpected! hope it’s not bad time” amber said

“if you could all excuse me for just one minute while i make a phone call” ben politely said

ben left the room and went upstairs to find y/n cleaning up charlie and put her in a new onesie

“hey, the neighborhood watch is here. they brought us some-” ben said with his phone against his ear waiting for his agent to pick up stopping as soon as he saw her and pointed

she turned around for ben to find some of charlie’s poop on her cheek

“what? she’s perfect. no thanks to you. big coward” she said

ben tried to warn her about the shit on her face before talking to his agent and they walked down the stairs. ben giggled with charlie before following her down to where everyone was

“auntie y/n is in for a big surprise” ben giggled to charlie

y/n walked down the stairs to find a few of the neighbors that were at the funeral and reception there holding containers filled with food. when she reached the bottom, everyone cheered until what they saw on her face

“oh”

“what?” she asked confused as to why everyone was looking at her funny

“Well honey, you have shit on your face.” who she recognized as rachel said

y/n’s eyes bugged out of her face as she began to touch her face to find the poop on her right cheek while ben stood there smiling.

walking back upstairs, she passed the mirror as she looked and almost screamed

“fuck, fuck, fuck. that’s so gross! how did i not notice? how did that even happen?” she started to whisper yell

she quickly ran back to find one of the wipes and wipe the poop off her face causing her makeup to come off as well. she then ran back to the bathroom in a panicked state looking for her makeup to fix it. as she was putting another layer on, ben came into the bathroom telling to hurry up

“you got a little more. on the right.” ben started to say helping her

“just shut up. i swear”

“c’mon. the faster you finish, the faster we can get them out and i can go to the meeting. i only managed to get myself one more hour before i don’t get this. i’m just trying to help” ben said as she walked passed him and he laughed quietly to charlie

“well, if you stayed and helped this might not have happened” she stated as they walked down the stairs

when they walked down the stairs, they saw everything set up for breakfast that the neighbors had prepared. ben stopped in his tracks as he got a text saying it was his lucky day that the meeting got postponed to later in the evening as they got busy with a personal matter

y/n started to pour out coffee for all the adults as ben moved the playpen near them and put her inside it with a few of her toys

“are you guys doing okay with charlie? you look a little tired?”

“oh yeah, that would be the not sleeping.” ben said

“it doesn’t show at all” everyone started to agree

“you don’t look that tired.” mike told ben

“don’t worry, because you’re not gonna sleep for 10 years.” rachel told them

“and you’re not never gonna get used to the children’s music.” zachary said

“i don’t think any of us knew what we’re doing when we become new parents” amber told them

“we had nine months to get ready and we still screw up about half the time”

“do you know what? i’m gonna get real serious. you have to get two things straight and i’m going to say: 1. get a sitter,” rachel started

“and a backup”

“absolutely”

“Number 2: you can never have enough paper towels” rachel finished

“when you shop at the shop now. they’re always out of milk and they don’t carry the unscented wipes” robert said

“that is true.” tom, robert’s husband agreed

“when you order motrin, or buy it, make sure you get the dye free”

“No BPAs. sippy cups, any plastics. you don’t want those chemicals”

everyone was hurling all this information on what to do and what to get to the point where y/n ran out of the room and straight to the bathroom to throw up from her anxiety. all the adults stopped talking and stared at her before turning to ben who followed her straight to the bathroom. softly knocking at the door, he entered to find her leaning against the tub, breathing heavily

“hey you alright?” ben asked

“i would say yeah, but then i’d just be lying to the both of us.” she told him

“what happened? what’s wrong?”

“nothing. i guess being a parent is more than we thought of and i think all the stress and nervousness from them talking about what wipes to get or what cups she should be using just got to me.”

“well you’re not alone on this. you got me too. same with jack and melissa, we can always ask my mum, there’s articles online. there’s a bunch of different resources to use. we don’t have to exactly listen to them, there are other sources.” he told her as she threw up again, holding her hair in a makeshift ponytail

“i guess.”

“now, we have people to entertain and finish talking to because the sooner that happens, the sooner we can go back to being alone and going to work or whatever.” ben told her getting up and offering her a hand

“you’re right. i hate it when you’re right.” she said as she began to wash her mouth out

“no i think you love it when i’m right.” he said in a cocky tone as they went back downstairs

charlie was now sitting in amber’s lap as they played with one of her toys while the other adults talked

“hey, how you feeling? what happened?”

“are you okay? are you pregnant?”

questions were being hurled at her like the comments before but y/n had managed to keep the vomit down this time

“i’m fine and no, i'm not pregnant. hopefully not for a while. most likely was from last night's dinner, maybe something bad.”

“that’s good. hope you feel better. well, i think it’s time for us to leave. we all have work, and i know you both do too.” amber said handing back charlie to y/n

“thank you for coming. the food was delicious.” she tells them as they all head for the door

they all said their goodbyes and ben and y/n have never felt so tired in the morning like this. they were somewhat used to this now due to charlie teething at the moment so there are times in the middle of the night where they wake up to help her soothe her gums. ben went to go take charlie upstairs for her nap while she decided to check her phone while finishing getting ready after cleaning the table and putting the leftover breakfast in the fridge and dishes in the dishwasher. as she scrolled through the news, she saw a rather interesting article about ben from The Daily Mail, which she has learned to hate. when she clicked on it, she started to choke on her coffee when she read the headline. after pulling herself together, she reread the headline to make sure it was right,

“eastenders actor ben hardy with a secret girlfriend and baby strolling london?”

she took a deep breath and pressed on the article to read it knowing that it won’t be the best idea

“Earlier this week, former EastEnders actor Ben Hardy was caught strolling in London for lunch with bakery owner y/n l/n, their dog, and their child. it is unknown whether or not how long they have been together. They were seen by a source going into l/n’s bakery, Eats ‘n’ Treats for lunch and stayed there for a couple of hours before leaving and taking a small stroll around Hyde Park. A month ago, Hardy and L/N’s friends were killed in a car incident. Hardy recently starred in an episode of “Drunk History” where he played King Arthur and as Archangel in the Marvel movie “X-Men: Apocalypse.”

ben walked back down to see y/n clutching her phone to the point where if she had any more strength, it would break. her face was pale too, eyes bugging out. he went to her to see what was wrong where all she could do was hand her phone to ben. he seemed confused at first before he read what she was reading. he had never liked gossip sites, no matter what they were or who. he sat down next to her and they thought about how they could tell people the truth about their situation. he looked at her and without even having to open their mouths, she nodded knowing it would be the right thing to do. ben got out his phone and opened Instagram and picked out a photo of him, y/n, and charlie all together from when she was first born. he spent a few minutes on the caption and making sure there weren’t any mistakes, and posted the picture. the two didn’t say another word and he watched her as she left for work. ben was pretty sure that his agent was going to be bringing it up at the meeting later in the evening.

ben hadn’t looked at his phone all day or called her. she hadn't done the same either. tyler had tried to talk to her about it but he knew she didn’t want to and respected his friends' choices. her shop became more crowded than usual after the article, specifically fans of ben. she decided it would be best for her to go into her office to work and be in the back until the shop closed. ben had stayed home with charlie and cleaned up around the house and cooked dinner or at least tried to. he wanted to apologize for dragging her and charlie into the mess he calls his life as an actor and wanted to at least make up for it. the one thing he didn’t think of was what would sean think of the article. he couldn’t believe that he would be that dense to believe anything a gossip article would say.

y/n had managed to arrive back home a few minutes later than usual and entered to see the table set up with dinner and candles lit up. she dropped her bag off at the couch and took her heels off and walked into the kitchen to find ben pouring some wine. white, this time so nothing would happen like what would happen when she drank red.

“why did you do this?” she asked him

“i wanted to apologize to everything that has happened recently. Specifically what we read this morning from the tabloids. i tried using a cookbook to follow everything to the point where i think i just ended up guessing on everything. hopefully i won’t try to poison us and i hope it doesn't.” ben said all in one breath

all she could do was let out a small laugh and go to one side of the table admiring the food he made. it didn’t look bad and it didn’t smell bad either. “he really outdid himself, huh?” she thought

ben walked over to her and placed the glass of wine in front of her and pulled out her chair for her to sit. she kindly did so and watched as he went to sit next to her. she began to have this feeling in her stomach. a feeling she used to have with sean when they first began to date but not as much anymore. y/n quickly shook her thoughts away and watched as he began to put some of the spaghetti carbonara on her plate. the two ate in silence before she spoke up.

“it’s really good. but why did you do this? an apology would’ve just been enough.”

“yes, but i know you’ve been working more hard on everything the past couple months that i felt like you deserve something better. i know we have our ups and downs but-” ben started to say until his phone ringing interrupted him

“answer it. it sounds important.” she told him as she saw that the contact name was his agent

ben gave her a small, sorry, smile before leaving the room. y/n tried to finish the rest of her food but she had too much going on in her mind before snapping out of her thoughts when ben came back in.

“i’m really sorry i have to do this but i have a meeting to go to. it’s something about a new movie and they want to talk to me about it before getting me an audition in a couple of months.” ben said with a sorrowful look on his already feeling more guilty

“no, ben it’s fine. you’re getting bigger and i couldn’t be more proud. just go, i’ll clean up. the food was great though. thank you.” she told him standing up

“are you-”

“yes. ben i’m sure. now go. i don’t want you to miss out on a big opportunity like this.”

ben gave her a small smile apologizing again before putting his shoes on and walking out the door and glanced over his shoulder, back at her to find her putting the dishes in the sink and the food in a tupperware. he closed the door and headed towards his car to go to his agent's house. when she was done with the rest of the dishes, she drank the rest of her glass of wine and went to check on charlie seeing that she hadn't seen her since the morning.

upon entering her room, frankie quickly got up to see who the intruder was. after smelling the scent of the person and knowing who it was, she went back to her spot near charlie’s crib. y/n walked over to find her peacefully sleeping and lightly brushing the frame of her face. she looked at her for a few more minutes before looking around the room and seeing the picture of christian and lennon. picking it up, she held the picture close to her for a few minutes before setting it back down and heading back downstairs. she tried to watch some TV to distract herself but there wasn’t anything good for her so she just left it on with the volume on low and found herself slowly falling asleep on the couch.

when ben came back home, it was late, almost 12 am. he quietly closed and locked the door before hearing noises coming from the living room and realizing it was the tv. he walked over to turn it off before he saw y/n asleep on the couch. he turned the show off and went over to her and softly picked her up to take her to her to her room. closing the door, he went to change out of his clothes and got ready for bed himself.

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itseivwhore · 5 years

Text

|Edward Kenway x Reader|

Soooo…as we all know,today it’s the birthday of someee Welsh,blonde pirate~~and since I saw that almost everyone is posting gifs,shots and whatnot about him,I wanted to do my part as well.But sadly,I’m not a gif maker,or I don’t take super wonderful pics of the game:BUT!I’m a writer,and I know my things.So there,have a super long One-Shot I wrote not long ago for my book on Wattpad ;)

•Edward Kenway• |A bet|

~~~~~

The calm wind that blew slightly on that evening at the end of July,which brought with it the fresh and sparkling sea breeze,made the gray and numerous clouds move a little.The moon,which had now appeared on the horizon,lit weakly the figure of the sea with its ashen and white rays.

A sudden breeze made the h/c hair of a young woman move slightly and enjoying the delicate touch of the wind on her skin,she closed her eyes.She slowly raised the corners of her mouth in a serene and joyful smile,sighing in a relaxed way while she was lulled by the breeze,which almost caressed her face.She was happy that,after a tired day spent working at the Old Avery almost always surrounded by buzzards and drunken pirates,she could spend the rest of the evening to rest and with the only company of that quiet atmosphere.

But that moment of pure tranquility and calmness was abruptly interrupted by some strong and powerful screams and cries that,almost frightening the young woman,resounded like strong thunders in the sky.She opened her eyes,and immediately her e/c look wandered in search of the source of those annoying noises:and from her mouth came out an annoyed grunt when,leaning her eyes on the brig that had just docked in Nassau,did not notice and recognized,albeit unwilling and with a weight that weighed on her shoulders,that black flag that waved slowly in the wind.

Sighing tiredly,she leaned with her elbows along the wooden railing of the outside of the tavern,and began to pass her gaze on the figures of men who,walking first on the beach,at that time were scattered in the streets of Nassau.And while she was intent on listening with a little dose of attention to the cries and exclamations of those pirates that the wind brought to her ears,she felt a hand that suddenly leaned gently on her shoulder.Fearing little and jerking from fear,Y/n turned back, nd relaxed considerably when she found her friend standing in front of her.

“Have I frightened you?” Anne kindly asked while a gentle smile formed on her face,her Irish accent that made the h/c hair woman giggle slightly.

“No,I was just being thoughtful” Y/n murmured in a calm tone,raising the corners of her mouth in a slight smile,while with the corner of her eye she tried to see if the men were approaching.Anne silently laughed at her sentence and,crossing her arms to her chest,she came closer to her friend as the young woman returned to staring at the pirates in front of her.

“What’s so funny?” she asked purely curious,raising an eyebrow in a confused expression,which only increased the amusement of the woman.

“I’ve noticed that you’re always overthinking every time you see Jackdaw stopping along the coast,and I wonder,is that a case?” the Irishwoman quietly noted,her slightly ironic tone and hee eyes that shone with malice when, urning again,Y/n wrinkled her forehead and looked at her in a strange way.

“Oh,don’t play the innocent one with me,dearie.I know why you’re always so thoughtful and almost sad when you see that ship,” Anne continued in a soft,coquettish tone,leaning one hand on her shoulder and caressing her slightly,while the young woman carefully stared at the group of pirates now close to the tavern;her eyes snapping from side to side,from man to man,from face to face.But her gaze,full of tension,anxiety and trepidation,was looking for something else,someone else.

In the midst of those heads covered with blue bands,in the midst of those countless and colorful eyes,in the midst of those faces ruined by long and deep scars,Y/n felt like she was being scrutinized,feeling in a tremendous awe.And her heart immediately stopped beating in her chesther breath missed and she felt some shivers ran on her back when,managing to distinguish him in the midst of the crowd of pirates surrounding him,her e/c eyes met the two blue ones like the sea,which were scrutinizing her in a deep and intense way.

While he was walking at a fast and decisive pace in front of his other men,and while some blond locks of hair were falling in front of his face,he didn’t take his careful gaze away from her for a moment.The hood that had fallen on his head partially obscured his characteristics,but certainly could not keep hidden the corners of his mouth,which rose slowly up in a mocking and diabolical smile to say the least.

“It’s for him,isn’t it?” Anne quietly asked,and the young woman,although not turning around and continuing to follow him with the sole use of her gaze,could perceive and distinguish a smile through the gentle and delicate tone of voice of her red-haired friend.

Was it for him?

Y/n began to wonder about this and,while her eyes were busy trying to follow the pirate interested in her,her mind was pervaded by numerous and countless thoughts.

Was it for him that her heart was beating fast,almost as if iy wanted to come out of her chest?Was it for him that she felt a sense of disorientation,every time he smiled at her in a kind and friendly way? Was it for him that Y/n felt pure and genuine emotions,but that she felt with all her heart to repress within herself?But it was useless,foolishly and terribly useless to deny those who were esteem,admiration and also and above all deep and intimate emotions and feelings.

Since Y/n saw and met the famous pirate,Edward Kenway,she was always so fascinated not by his physical appearance,not by his fame and glory,but rather was attracted by his soul:if on the outside he could seem a dark,greedy,arrogant,impertinent and brazen pirate,whose heart yearned only and only for gold,rum,women and wealth,with his eyes cleverly perpetually illuminated with malice and a long tongue,inside was anything but all this.

With a pure,gentle,genuine and loyal soul,he possessed a sparklingfaithful and proud spirit,his face rarely showed a sweet,confident and sincere smile,which showed itself alone and usclisively with the people he trusted.And only she had the luck,perhaps the ability and the will,to see through and beyond those two blue,dark,deep and stormy seas that hidden part of him,which almost always kept hidden and in the dark:that part that only the young woman was able to get out.

Y/n’s heart quickly palpitated with emotion every time the Assassin told her about his adventures and first experiences as a sailor with a carefree and gritty voice;her mind and thoughts were devoutly attentive and focused on what he was telling her;her eyes overflowing with devotion and adoration every time a word left his lips,thus lighting up with excitement and adulation;everything about Edward attracted her in a special,unique,intriguing and also sensual way.

And Y/n felt,was certain after a long time he spent with him,that what bound them together was not just pure and simple friendship,it was something deeper,more intimate and more secret:it was the whole nights spent talking in a whisper as they looked at a sky covered with stars,it was those purely amused laughter that quickly left her mouth and that the wind carried away,it was those mocking,proud and mischievous smiles that spread on his lips when he saw that she was blushing violently after he had complimented her or said a dirty joke.

It was those delicate caresses on her smooth and s/c skin,it was those friendly, layful but affectionate kisses on his cheeks when he had to leave;it was those hands that touched each other quickly and not accidentally;it was those fast,deep,accomplices and captivating looks that met with too much frequency and that they exchanged that made that friendship become something deeper and intimate.

The same looks that,at that moment,the pirate Assassin was constantly throwing at the girl:sitting comfortably and almost brazenly on a chair at one of the tables in the tavern,finally took off his hood from his head,thus revealing his blonde hair that fell in front of his eyes.Y/n,shaking her head slightly and chasing away all those many thoughts that clouded her mind,she returned straight with her back and then turned to him who,once their eyes met,chained each other.

“Uh,apparently someone can’t get their eyes off you,dearie.” Anne murmured in a flirtatious voice to the young woman’s ear,pointing with an imperceptible nod to Edward that,now with his face in plain sight,continued to look at her with an intense look.

He smiled at her in a captivating way and,rising his head as if to greet her,he made her a mischievous wink;and he would have continued to look deeply at her,making her suggestive signs and almost invisible gestures,if it had not been for his master quarter,whom,sitting at his side,began to speak to him.

Y/n sighed slightly thoughtfully and,looking around,made to head to the counter and distribute beers and rum to the thirsty pirates who were calling her in the meantime,but her friend’s hand quickly grabbed her wrist,making her stop;she looked at her with a confused look,frowning her eyebrows in a curious way while the Irish female let go her hand.

“Go and serve him,I’ll think of all the others” Anne said in a low voice,encouraging her with the sole use of her clever eyes.

“Talk to him,listen to him,stay close to him…and don’t leave him until I hear strange noises coming from the back of the tavern…got it?” The red-haired woman added with an authoritative tone but,what were actually advice,to the young girl seemed more like threats said with a playful and teasing voice.Laughing purely amused at what she said to her,she raised the corners of her rosy lips in a grateful smile and then headed with quick and plush steps to the table where,again,the two pirates were talking.

Every step she took,every time her boots touched the wooden rods of the floor thus producing a slight noise and every time she realized that she was getting closer to him,her heart lost some beats and made it difficult to breathe.The distance that separated her from the table interested in her,seemed never to end,but without noticing because too busy thinking,she found herself immediately in front of the two pirates.

The first to notice the presence of the young girl was Adèwalè,who stopped talking calmly with his captain and turned to Y/n with a slight smile on his chapped lips.

“Good evening,Y/n” said the master quarter with a gentle tone,carefully scrutinizing her careless face that,unlike him,was not paying attention.So,following her gaze,a little amused laugh came out of his lips when he noticed that she was only and exclusively intent on looking intensely Edward who in turn,after slowly turning his head to the other side,began to look at her.

The blond man,as if to greet to her,slowly raised the corners of his mouth in an almost invisible friendly and mocking smile.But Y/n,though with a reluctance to re-emerge after sinking into his two blue eyes for a time that seemed eternal and infinite to her,returned to herself and greeted the man with the same kindness.

“What can I bring you to drink this evening?” the young woman kindly asked,moving the weight of her body from one foot to another,making her look pass by the two pirates who,exchanging a quick and almost accomplice look,nodded slowly.

“For me a mug of rum would be enough” Adèwalè said with a high and decisive tone,sitting more comfortably on the chair while he moved his dark eyes on the figure of his Captain who,unlike him,had a straight and composed posture on the chair on which he was sitting.

“And what would you prefer,Edward?” the woman asked once again,placing her big and e/c eyes on the pirate who,to her amazement,found lying on the wooden table:with his left arm stretched out on the surface of the table,he had his chin resting on the palm of his right hand,his look that looked at her distractedly,but that came back careful when he heard the voice of her.

So,slamming his eyelids a couple of times and returning to sit composed on the chair,he placed on her a flat expression,but that clearly showed the mockery that was,always and constantly,within him.

“I would prefer to drink you…is that possible?” he asked from all of sudden with a confident,cheeky,almost impertinent tone,raising a corner of his lips in a sly smile,having fun seeing what the young woman’s reaction would be.

He liked to poke and tease her,it was like a game,a killtime for Kenway.

And suddenly,they fell into a tombstone and religious silence,if it had not been for the high and noisy voice in the background of the other sailors.Although the young woman stopped breathing for a few seconds,she tried with all of her heart not to be embarrassed and caught unawares by what was obviously a dirty joke:

“No,unfortunately for you it’s not possible.” Y/n answered him with a loud and authoritative voice,slightly closing her eyes in two lids,scrutinizing him coldly,not letting any emotion leak out.The Welsh pirate looked at her once again,and then lowered his gaze to the hands that he held together under the table;he slightly twisted his mouth in a bitterly but falsely sorry grimace,and then raised for the umpteenth time a mellifluous look at her.

“What a pity…I bet you would have a delicious taste” Edward murmured in a voice to say the least regrettable,his tone low and scratchable;frowning in a confused way,from his lips quickly and smoothly came out the words that,once carried by the wind and reached the ears of her,made her heart tremble.

“Dream on,Kenway.” the young woman replied with a cold and diffident voice,trying to keep hidden the purely amused smile that so much wanted to come to light;because in reality,after all,she liked to tease him as much as he did.

“I’m going to get your drinks” Y/n proclaimed aloud and,giving one last quick,cold and challenging look at the blond man,turned around and went to the counter,on which were already resting two mugs.

While the young woman was filling the two wooden glasses,a strange but yet familiar feeling began to take possession of her,making her feel to say the least …in awe,making her feel slightly uncomfortable:it was as if her back was being stabbed by billions of knives, incessantly.But she tried to get away from that feeling,focusing on gently pouring the liquid into the two jugs.

But when she turned around,ready to go to the table to serve,in front of her she found nothing but a tall figure who almost towered over her.Wandering over her e/c eyes along the chest of the pirate,she calmly leaned on him a serene look,thus meeting his two intense blue eyes that scrutinized her carefully:it was no wonder, after all,if moments before the woman felt observed.

“If you let me pass,Kenway…” Y/n murmured with a harassed and determined voice,trying to move him away with her forearm,then continued to walk towards the table near the wooden railing;but Edward,not liking that she behaved in this way with him,swiftly stretched an arm in her direction and,taking her by the wrist,stopped her and pulled her vehemently to himself,resulting in a violent bang against his chest.

A few drops of rum flew and splashed away,so bathing both his clothes and the floor,also receiving a grumpy and obviously annoyed look from the young woman.The Assassin frowned in a falsely surprised way,and increased even more his tight grip on her wrist,gaining still a deadly look from her.

“What do you want,Edward?” Y/n suddenly asked,her voice loud and tired,looking at him distractedly and without interest.

“It’s not polite of you to respond in this way to a Captain,Y/n” Kenway replied with a mellifluous voice,his lips showing a cheeky smile,his tone was low and decreet.

An icey silence fell between the two,no sound was audible if it had not been for the noise,the screaming and the murmuring of the people around them.The young woman did not divert her eyes from those of him,keeping,with her head held high and with determination that sparkled in her proud gaze,the eye contact.While that of the pseudonym Assassin…Y/n couldn’t understand,in the most absurd of ways,how those two blue abysses could be at the same time two furious stormy seas and two calm and clear skies.

“I’m not afraid of you” she uttered with a sure voice and,tearing her wrist away from his firm grip,struck him with her and e/c eyes,remaining firm in front of him.The pirate,surprised and taken aback by the proud words of the young woman,simply observed her in silence,saying nothing.

Looking at him coldly,and primingly so proud and sure of herself for the last time,she walked back to his table,always feeling like stabbed by the same feeling of awe that,since he had arrived at the tavern,had attenuated it.Slow and sweaty steps followed her from behind,continuing in their direction even when the young woman stopped in front of the table.Leaning the two jars of rum on the woody surface,she was about to return to Anne who,smiling,was waiting for her behind the counter of the tavern,but a loud voice and more than anything familiar,made her stop.

“Why don’t you join us,eh?” that question,asked with such arrogance and mockery and with a loud voice was told by no one else but Edward,who returned to sit down and looked at her with a cheeky smile.She,turning back slowly,met his impertinent gaze;the pirate had no mercy and,especially,as Y/n had noticed,didn’t change his way of being,regardless of who he was talking to:that he spoke with a rich and powerful man,or with a humble and honest peasant,or with a wealthy woman,his tone and personality remained always and however bold,irreverent and charismatic.

“I’d rather not” she replied calmly,raising a corner of her mouth in a half bitter smile,noticing with strange astonishment that the murmur that filled the atmosphere was gradually waning,and then disappear altogether when Edward began to speak again.

“Let’s make a competition.Whoever drinks more rum and manages to stay sober,will win.While.whoever faints and becomes drunk,will lose,and whoever loses,as a result,will have to give something in return to the winner” the Welsh pirate explained with authority,pride that sparkled intensely in his blue eyes.

And Y/n made to open her mouth and answer him,but she was immediately interrupted again by him:

“What do you think,lads?!” Edward proclaimed shouting in a gritty and loud voice,asking to his crew and all the other men who were there,receiving numerous screams and whistles of approval.The young woman,after all,was not surprised:she knew very well that everyone would approve and supported the idea,not to say innovative,of their Captain,so as to get a nice and fun pastime.Edward squared her for the umpteenth time from head to toe,scrutinizing her carefully while,around his table,gathered all his sailors,clutching her and him in a small circle.

“No,we won’t make a competition for those who drink more,win” Y/n fought back with altered and determined voice,slightly frowning on her eyebrows in a confused expressiveness.

“Why not darlin’?Do you accept?” the Assassin asked again,raising an eyebrow,tilting his head to the side,competition that sparkled strongly in his eyes.But the young woman locked herself in silence,not saying anything,not a single word left her rosy lips.

But she wasn’t the kind of person who backed down in front of a challenge,she wasn’t a coward;but at the same time,if a part of herself wanted to accept,she knew more than well what would happen;after all,it wouldn’t have been the first time that Edward challenged another person to such a competition and,every time,it ended up in the same and identical way.The Welsh pirate would be the winner,with his exhausted and drunken challenger lying on the ground unconscious.

Catching the silence as a tacit denial from the young girl’s side,he dared to speak again:

“You said you weren’t afraid of me.I bet that you won’t be afraid of drinking some rum,mh?” he noted with a wise and secure voice,gettung now closee towards her and leaning both elbows on the wooden surface,ajarring his eyes slightly, looking at her with challenge.She knew well that,is she would accepted,not only she would be easily and blatantly defeated by him,but also the acceptance of that competition,was not really correct behavior for a woman.

But after all,they were in Nassau:and who,in that place,dominated by complete freedom and on which there were no rules of any kind,would gave importance to such a code?_No one._No one cared about anything or about anyone and certainly no one would look at her,in the days to come,with judging looks and no one would murmur embarrassing comments towards the girl.She wouldn’t back down,not when Edward had deeply hurt her pride, not when she wanted to prove to her that she was really not afraid of anything.

So,looking him in the eyes with authoritative air,pride and determination that made her e/c ones burn ardently,she turned her head to the side a little bit and,looking over her shoulder and taking a quick look at her red-haired friend,she exclaimed in a loud voice:

“Anne! Bring some mugs of rum for me and for the Captain."Hers,a sharp look more than a thousand blades and,in a strange way,calm as the sea on a spring evening;his,a look full of an instoppable ambition and,at the same time,of an abyssal depth.

The shadows of the late evening descended on Nassau,climbing on the buildings,swallowing the darkest streets in total darkness;the moon,surrounded by a sky covered with endless glittering stars,illuminated the streets that were desolate,which were crossed by a few people who,in silence, walked slowly and lazily to their homes:fast and plush or slow and insecure steps filled that quiet and steady atmosphere,if it were not for some high cries that came from Old Avery.Joyful sea shanties sung at the top of the throat were carried away by the light and cool summer breeze that was there that night. _"Weigh-hay and up she rises,weigh-hay and up she rises,weigh-hay and up she rises,early in the morning!"_ pirates,sailors and corsairs danced happily over the tables,singing and screaming the song with themselves while,in turn,they passed a big mug of rum.There were those who sang,those who drank,those who slept blissfully with their heads on a plate with food inside and those who were engaged in rather passionate and loving chores with courtesans. And there were also those who,like Edward who,sitting relaxed in a chair while slowly sipping his last mug,looked with a purely amused air Y/n that,by now,was drunk:the poor girl could no longer keep the lucidity after she finished drinking the fourth glass of rum that gave her,thus starting to laugh madly,to shout jokes and sing some sea shanties with all the others,losing in this way even the competition that she had accepted previously.The pirate,on the other hand,was more than capable of keeping the alcohol in his veins,enjoying his winnings. _"What will we do with a drunken sailor,what will we do with a drunken sailor,what will we do with a drunken sailor,early in the morning?"_ a low and amusing chuckle left his lips when he saw Y/n suddenly get up from her chair and sing loudly,joining the other sailors as she continued to drink the umpteenth mug. Looking carefully over the edge of the glass he had in his hand,Edward found himself more than attracted and almost enchanted by the girl:her cheeks were red because of the too much rum she drank throughout that evening,adrenaline running fast,along with wine and rum in hee veins and with her h/c messy hair.But everything about her attracted him even more than she already did on normal days.Her e/c eyes were strongly illuminated by a fire that burned proudly within her soul,catching completely and mesmerizing him as deep and intense as they were. So,once he noticed that Y/n was lying on the wooden table,with the glass still squeezed between her fingers in a gentle grasp,and that she had suddenly fallen into silence,with her head in her arms,he decided to intervene.Rising from the chair for a brief moment and heading towards her,he quickly took a stool and then sat down next to the young woman.The two were incredibly close,and Edward,extending a hand,began to caress the girl's arm,feeling as her soft and smooth skin slid gently under his calloused fingers. Y/n slowly lifted her head off the table when she felt a hand grasping her own gently.Looking at him tiredly,she lifted the corners of her mouth into an imperceptible and almost invisible smile.Returning her weak smile with another affectionate and soft one,the Welsh pirate approached her ear,gently moving some h/c strands of hair in front of her. "I think it's time to go" he muttered in a low,deep voice,inhaling her scent,thus beginning to caress the soft skin behind her ear with his nose,for then slightly snuggling his face on her neck,his beard making her shiver. "Already?" the young woman asked in a shaky whisper,leaning over his broad chest as one of his muscular arm suddenly yet slowly wrapped around her waist,pulling her closer. He hummed lowly,sending once again endless shivers down on her back,his hand squeezing softly her hip. "Aye.Do I have to remind you that I'm the winner,darlin'?" Edward asked in a mischievous and tempting voice,and Y/n could sense and feel his grin on her skin.She only slightly nodded in response,shifting even closer to him,her small back pressing againts his broad chest,hitting his guns,him greeting her with his arms. "And a winner must get his prize,shouldn't he?" the pirate continued in a persuasive,low tone,trying to make her understand what he had in mind.But the girl,even though she was still drunk and even though she was not so lucid,could understand what Edward was trying to say in such a hidden and in an allouring way.But she wanted to see how far he could go to get what he wanted,so she took time to have some fun with him. "And what kind of prize would you like to have...Captain?" Y/n then asked in a mellifluous tone,pretending innocence,throwing her head back when she suddenly felt his chapped lips on the sensitive skin of her neck,leaving a trail of wet kisses down to her shouder,hot breath making her head tilt to the side to give more room for his fervent and ardent kisses. And while Y/n was all too focused on him pressing his lips and leaving red and purple marks over her skin,she didn't notice his hands which,lustily all over her body,passed over her chest,then going down to her hips,giving a playfull squeeze,his fingers carresing her stomach,both of his hands stopping on her thighs.But when she noticed his hands on her inner thighs and when his hot and calloused fingers caressed her skin,she almost jumped,giving a shocked and amazed expression to him.But after all,what would she expect from all that,from him? She instantly understood his true,mischievous and lustful yet even pure intentions... but after all,she wouldn't mind,she'd been waiting for that moment ever since her e/c eyes met and chained themselves to his blue ones. And Edward also wanted nothing more than to have her and possess her in all the ways he was capable of,and to show her the pure and genuine feeling he felt for her. Was it egostic? Maybe,most likely,yes.But he didn't care,he waited for too long,and he had the unique occasion to have her,to show her love and to make her feel the passion he himself had for her and her only.And so,looking down to his hands which still were on her thighs,the young woman raised an ambiguous look on him,striving not to let him shine the emotion,and above all the acceptance,of his tacit proposal.But he knew,as she did,to read in her eyes:that intimate and private knowledge that approached him and that one,pure and interminable feeling that united each other. Giving him a soft and temptalizing smile,she raised a hand and,resting it on his bearded face,she started to carress and to scratch it slightly.Then,laying a single and chaste kiss on his jaw,she whispered to him in a barely audible,sensual and persuasive whisper: "Lead the way,Edward"

#Edward Kenway #Edward Kenway x reader #x reader #Assassin's Creed #Assassin's Creed Black Flag #One Shot #Eddie #Happy birthday Edddieeeeee #assassins creed #Black Flag

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pocket-clown · 5 years

Text

Arthur learning that his S/O is pregnant may include;

// original request: Hi, I have a request. Can you do "Arthur learn that you are pregnant" (excuse me if this is NSFW idk) I like your blog by the way ;)

Not NSFW at all, thank you for the request anon!! I know jack about pregnancy so I had to Google things like symptoms and whatnot so I apologize for any inaccuracies :-))

Obvious content warning for pregnancy, symptoms of pregnancy, minor angst.

His face is unreadable, the second he hears the news.

You’d spent the last month and a half or so battling an array of symptoms; at first, it was nothing more than noticing that your period never came when it was supposed to - something you initially shrugged off because hey, it wasn’t always regular.

But then you started feeling tired. Not just sleepy, but as if you were perpetually fatigued, regardless of how much sleep you got. Even if you spent the day lounging around the apartment and resting in bed, it was like it took every ounce of energy and drive that you had to get yourself going at times, and you felt that you could’ve slept for hours, had it not been for the responsibilities and obligations that an adult life came with.

It was then, about four weeks after your missed period that you woke up sometime around 1:20 in the morning with some of the worst nausea that you had ever experienced, just barely making it to the restroom in time. Arthur had been by your side the entire time, and he practically pleaded for you to go to the doctor - it was flu season, after all - but in the back of your mind, something was nagging at you, telling you that something more was going on.

So the next day, on your commute home from work you made a stop at Helm’s Pharmacy. Arthur had a prescription that was ready to be picked up and you figured that it would save him some time for you to just get it yourself, but you also grabbed a few of the best pregnancy tests that your small amount of cash could afford, praying that the pharmacist wouldn’t mention it the next time you came in with Arthur.

Once you had actually tested yourself, the double bars on each of the four tests confirming your suspicions, you felt your heart stop.

How was Arthur going to react? You two certainly had talked about having children before, and he was receptive to the idea - he even seemed excited about it - but those late night conversations and discussions were always in the future tense, when the two of you were better off financially, and maybe even out of Gotham.

The fact that you weren't sure how Arthur would react coupled with knowing that you two may not even be able to support a child at the time kept you from telling him for about a week, and once you finally broke the news to him you didn’t even bother trying to beat around the bush.

“Arthur, I’m pregnant.” You’d said out of the blue while the two of you were cuddled up on the couch during one of Murray’s commercial breaks. His hand, which had been combing through your hair as you rested your head on his shoulder, stopped, and you could feel his breath hitch. When you’d looked up at him, you saw that his dark brows were furrowed ever so slightly, and it seemed like he was almost confused about what you had just said - or like he didn’t understand.

“Are… really?” He asked after a moment, his voice not above a soft whisper. It took him a second, but after a moment he was able to pry his eyes away from the television to turn and look you in your own; searching for anything to indicate if you were just joking around, or if you were actually serious.

“Remember how I started feeling really sick a bit ago? I took a few tests a few days ago, and... they were all positive.” You said, moving your hand to sweep away the tuft of hair that had fallen across his forehead.

Arthur’s lack of response was nothing short of concerning to you, and for a moment you thought that he was upset, or even angry, with you. His green eyes were flitting all over the room, seemingly unable to focus on anything as his mind tried to fully process what you had just told him.

Unbeknownst to you, though, Arthur wasn’t mad - he wasn’t even upset. What he was, though, was frightened; though yes, the thought of having a child with you filled his heart with the kind of warm love he never in his life thought he’d get to experience, it was also one of the most freighted, daunting ones to ever cross his mind. He often wondered if he’d even make a remotely good father - something you’d always assure him that he would - but he still had his doubts; with all of his struggles - his condition, his mental illnesses, and his own lack of a father figure, to name a few - the last thing Arthur wanted was to end up a poor excuse for a father. His mind was running a million miles a second, and if it wasn’t for the soft touch of your hand brushing against his cheek, he would’ve sat in the same spot for the rest of the night as his mind forced him to go over every single worst case scenario it could possibly come up with.

“Arthur? Are you okay? I’m sorry if I upset you, I meant to tell you sooner but -”

“Upset? Sweetheart, why would I be upset with you about this…?” He asked, and you hadn’t any idea that he had been trembling until his hands came to your face, cupping your cheeks so he could pull you close enough so he could rest his forehead against your own. “Are you sure it’s me you want to have a baby with…?”

You knew that his question was rhetorical; it wasn’t uncommon for Arthur to agonize over his anxieties and fears regarding the relationship, questioning if you really were 100% completely and utterly sure that you wanted to be with him, of all people. He’d worry that he was completely imagining you and your voice and your touch, or that he’d somehow tricked you into being with him, even - but each and every anxiety was hushed with kisses from you. Though you knew that you couldn’t do or say anything to completely rid Arthur of said anxieties and worries, so ingrained within him were they, you did everything you could to be there for him whenever they came to surface and needed dealing with.

“Yes! And I mean it, Arthur - I want this - and I want it with you.” You said, and he hummed in response, his forehead still against yours as his thumbs stroked the backs of your hands as he held them in his own

“I’ll work harder - For us.” He spoke after a minute of silence, and his arms came to wrap around you, pulling you tightly against him.

It’s then, with you in his arms, that the reality of the situation really hits Arthur and he can’t stop himself from tearing up. He was scared, and so were you; you’d both have to work extra hours (you, for as long as you could, until you were too far along), neither of you have ever had children before, and the weight of knowing that you’d soon be supporting one, as well eventually need a larger residence, the costs, the fact that you’d have another life in your hands - it was all so, so much to deal with that neither of you could stop yourselves from shedding tears.

But you were together, and the two of you had made it through a lot together, already.

This sweet, attentive man always makes sure you’re as comfortable as possible.

If you thought that his fretting about you in the past was over the top, get ready because now he rarely ever leaves your side.

As the months go by and your tummy gets bigger, Arthur loves to rest his hands against it, his fingers sliding underneath the hem of your shirt so he can feel your skin. If you’re subtle about it, late at night during those nights you can’t sleep, sometimes you can catch him talking ever so gently and so sweetly to you and your unborn child, unaware that you’re awake. He goes on about how much he loves you, how you love him, how he loves the baby, how you love the baby, how soon you’ll be a family. He talks about everything he’s going to do with the two of you, what he wants to do, his hopes, his fears - all of it. Whether the soft, shaky tone of his voice is from his tender, sleep deprived state or if he’s quietly crying from the sheer, overwhelming amount of love, fear, excitement, and utter disbelief he feels you don’t know, but what you do know is that his words are genuine.

He goes with you to every single doctor’s appointment that you have; every single check up, every single exam, everything. Even if you’re not far along enough that it’s tough to get around, he still insists that you sit and rest so he can take care of chores around the apartment. He tries his hardest to improve his cooking skills, preferring that you eat as best as you can so that you’re as healthy as possible - he doesn’t want you falling ill. He keeps his smoking away from you, as well; he’ll literally leave the apartment, regardless of what time of day it is, to smoke outside so you aren’t exposed to it. He doesn’t want to put you or the baby at any sort of risk.

You two will have to console each other very frequently. Arthur, at times, has trouble fully coming to terms with what’s going on; never in his life did he ever expect he’d have a child with someone (nor did he think he’d even have a successful relationship), and the weight of the situation tends to wear down on his already fragile mental state at times. Lots of reassurance that everything will be okay, that he is capable of being a good father, that you’ll be by his side, that there are resources that can help the two of you if you need it, and so on, will be needed.

Regardless of whether it’s hormones, your own fears and anxieties, tears of excitement, whatever it is, he’s by your side whenever you need him to be. You’re in tears because your craving for that very specific type of donut from a market that’s halfway across Gotham is so strong? He’s putting on his shoes, fully prepared to go out and get it for you, despite it being 11 at night and pouring rain. You’re scared because you’re wondering how capable of a mother you’ll be, and if the child will even love you? Your face is cupped in his hands, his thumbs brushing away your tears as he tells you that he knows you; he sees how strong and how loving you are in your day to day life, and there’s not a single doubt in his mind regarding how wonderfully you’ll do as a mother.

There’s absolutely no denying that it’s a tough time for the two of you, but the two of you make it work.

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taglist;

@tahliamalfoydepp @tsukiakarinobara @smol-nari (let me know if you’d like to be added!)

#arthur fleck #arthur fleck x reader #arthur fleck x you #joker #joker 2019 #joker x reader #joker x you #joker 2019 x reader #joker 2019 x you #arthur fleck headcanon #joker headcanons #mine

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mcrmadness · 4 years

Text

I'm again making myself to ponder things when I should sleep. I have made a couple of posts where I say I might be aplatonic (as I'm already aroace) but the more I google it, the less I understand. The meaning seems to change based on who you're asking from. Tumblr is full of posts that say a) aplatonic is when you don't desire a queerplatonic relationship or so OR b) when you don't want to have friends.

Then I'm finding terms platonic love and platonic attraction. Some sources say there's no such thing as platonic ATTRACTION, then some sources say it's when you just see someone (random) and want to be their friend. Most sources say you define the whole difference between platonic and everything else yourself and that no one can give a simple answer to it because it's different and individual for everyone.

And then there's "squishes" aka platonic crushes. I don't understand this either. I think somewhere it was explained as wanting to be just the most important person in someone's life and that the feeling is mutual with said person. Somewhere it was the person you want to be in a QPR with. Somewhere it was called as a "friend crush" ans I've used this word only about when I see a new interesting looking person and think to myself "oh I wonder how would it be like their friend???" and apparently it's not what a squish is..? And I don't understand what is it, then.

So I'm here just like ???????????? because I just wanted to read how do people experience platonic love so that I could compare my feelings or lack of them to theirs to know if I'm even capable of it. For a moment I thought maybe I'm demiplatonic but if it's not an attraction but more like a very strong type of a friendship... I just don't know anything anymore.

I really dislike the word "love" anyway. The Finnish version is even stronger and I think I stopped using it when I was less than 10 years old, as I started to understand more about things. I don't understand the concept nor what it feels like. Which is why it's so hard for me to figure out if I'm capable of platonic love or not. Because I don't have anything to compare it to. I use "love" only when I talk about things or animals, or human made things like bands, but I never use it about humans and never say it to anyone, not even to animals (I don't even e.g. kiss animals ever despite really loving animals). Even when I say I love a band, I mean I love the band that just happens to be made by humans but I don't say I'd love the humans in that band. I love the concept and the concept only, and what the people behind it do.

I do enjoy deep friendships and emotional intimacy and some friendships are deeper than others and it's very rare to find such deeper ones. Which is why I started wondering if it's "demiplatonic" in action here since I don't get too sentimental with people too easily, and even then if I do, it's very rare and afterwards I might still start regretting and feeling like I let out too much and wish I had a way to push all those words back in. As when I'm not feeling sentimental, they make me embarrassed and weirded out, but if I do feel sentimental, it makes me feel really good if I for chance also say something instead of being my normal "cold-hearted" self. I'm actually sensitive and sensitive, I just hide it very well. Partially it's also my adhd, me getting excited and not being able to contain myself plus I tend to mirror people. Deeper friendships are usually a result of the friend doing or saying something that makes it deeper for maybe both because I am a coward and socially awkward and don't know how to do that or sometimes might do so accidentally without realizing it and then I worry if I was too much and if I went too far just because I don't always get social cues and hidden rules.

But also - me not knowing what platonic love feels like might just be lack of experience. I don't really have friends to meet and I've never been too close with those friends who are not blood-relatives; and with online friends it's possible to form really deep friendships too but you still can't know how would it be to hang out for longe periods of time together. I have had online friends who were basically some of ny best friends until I met them in person and it didn't click as much as it did online. Online friends are important but the fantasy in your head is pure fantasy based on interaction over internet but it might be totally different from the reality because you don't know the other person's quirks and other habits that are present only when you are physically in the same space.

***

Talking of those attraction things and whatnot, I kinda divided these all into a few categories for myself, for my personal use, to help myself understand the concepts better. Here's what I think of them and if it's an attraction, do I experience it?

Sexual attraction: I'm asexual and can't fully even understand what it's supposed to feel like so nope, I don't feel this. I'm also sex-repulsed.

Romantic attraction: I'm aromantic too, look at previous answer.

Sensual attraction: I'm touch-repulsed, and also have never felt this kind of attraction ever either.

Aesthetic attraction: I do feel this one! I just wanna observe and watch from afar because they please my eye. I don't necessarily desire to even befriend them, they just look nice.

Platonic attraction: If it exists, I think this is my type of a "friend crush" where I just see interesting looking person and feel like I wanna get to know them and be their friend.

Platonic love: I don't know. If it's possible to use same terms of this, then I think it might be possible to be demiplatonic. Meaning that it needs a strong emotional bond before anything.

Then there's all these other relationships things mentioned and I don't desire any kind of relationship, not even a queerplatonic one. I do kinda like the idea of "the mutual best-of-the-best friend" but mainly because of my fear of abandonment and how I always feel I'm left alone when allo(romantic)s find spouses and I'm not looking for a partner. I don't want wvwna commune, I want to live alone in my own space without sharing anything with anyone else. I'm also touch repulsed like I said there so any kind of even friendly physical intimacy is (most likely) out of question. I let people hug me if they want to and if they make it short, but I'm never gonna be the one to place a finger on anyone at first, in fact I have never answered hugs, they confuse me too much and touching is either too overwhelming because of sensory issues or maybe I have social anxiety related traumas from school, I don't know.

I still don't know what a squish is. I do hyperfixate on people but it's hard to say if it's just ADHD or an actual "squish", since it's mostly that I just can't stop thinking about someone and talking with them makes my day always but that's all. Sometimes it makes me feel bad because I don't like hyperfixating on people. I mean, literally I DO like it because dopamine~ but I just have a bad conscience because I don't want my brain to think people are just free sources of dopamine. And it's kinda annoying because can't talk with a person 24/7 because THEY'RE A LIVING ORGANISM WITH A WILL OF THEIR OWN and hyperfixating on something like a video game makes much more sense and is less frustrating because people always leave and I'm left with hyperfixation/hyperfocus I can't fill but a video game will never say they have to go and I can play it for 12h in a row if I really desire to.

But yeah, let's see if this cleared up any thoughts for me...

#mcrmadness' deep thoughts #long post #human relationships are hard #Nice it's almost 9am again -> me to sleep

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lihikainanea · 5 years

Note

what if after that thing with the shirt bill goes through dom drop and tiger has to comfort HIM

Bill getting a dom drop is such a forever mood, and my heart breaks for the big gentle bean every time I think about it.

Because here’s the thing, right. Emotionally, tiger tends to be the one put through the wringer. Bill marvels at her strength, at her resilience, every damn day. The stuff she lets him do to her, the way she lets him see her, how she’ll let herself be so vulnerable and trusting with him...Bill’s never met a stronger woman in his life (and his mom popped out six kids of his size, so that’s saying something.) He admires it, is astounded by it, respects it tremendously. And usually, with punishment and rough play and whatnot, it really is tiger who has her emotions bouncing all over the place. Bill gets a high off of it, for sure, and he gets intense about it--but it’s still mostly all pleasure for him, with a hefty dose of concentration in making sure she’s okay. But in situations when he’s bouncing between pleasure and concentration, tiger is catapulting between regret and sadness for being bad, pain and absolve for being punished and feeling good again, to pleasure, to gratefulness, to feelings of extreme vulnerability, to comfort, to safety, to worry and back to safety and extreme pleasure again. It’s incredible, to him, what she deals with in this relationship.

So when something like this happens--say, when she thinks he’s going to hurt her or is scared of him--Bill has a pretty big dom drop, but he also tries to hide it. Because he wants tiger to feel those things if she needs to, and he wants her to tell him and be honest with him--and he’s worried that if she sees the impact it has on him, then she’ll pull back. If she sees that being honest and showing him she’s scared is enough to send him spiralling a few days later, then she’ll hide it. She won’t want to do that to him. And Bill can’t risk it, can’t risk not having her be completely honest with him, because there’s too much at stake. Tiger takes a long of things very personally, blames herself for a lot, and throwing him into a bad headspace would be one of the many things she forces onto her own shoulders when it’s nowhere near her fault.

But something Bill needs to understand too, and it’s difficult for him--but that the tiger he’s dealing with when she shrinks away from his touch, when she won’t let him touch her, when she’s scared of him--that’s not the same girl. It’s rare that it happens, but sometimes her mind gets away on her just enough or her headspace is just bad enough to let awful thoughts like that creep in. Because she’s not in her right mind--she’s nowhere near being in her right mind, so she’s going to feel a whole gamut of emotions that really have absolutely no bearing. Bill needs to grasp that.

So maybe he’s a bit withdrawn, a whole lot quiet. And tiger thinks maybe he’s just in a bit of a bad mood--until he starts hesitating in his touch. That sends off warning bells in her mind--when he would go to reach for her as just a natural reflex, and pull back. For as intuitive as Bill is with her--she knows her Big Dude too, and knows when something is eating away at him. And she gives it some time, but she calls him out on it. She doesn’t know what’s wrong yet--she has a hunch, though--and she wants it to end. So maybe one night when she goes to bed a little early (he’s been creeping in beside her real late at night these days), maybe when he finally comes into the room she sits up, kind of tackles him a little as he lies down and eventually gets his back up against the headboard as she sits in his lap. His hands went for her waist and then stopped, falling to his sides.

“No, nuh uh,” she says, “Don’t do that.”

He doesn’t say anything, but in the soft reflection of the moonlight she can see those big eyes of his just staring up at her warily.

“Put your hands on me, big guy,” she reaches for them and puts them around her waist, “Just like you always do.”

She leans forward, kissing him gently but real solidly.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” she says. She doesn’t ask. Asking would have been for a day or two ago.

“Nothing’s wrong.”

“No?” she says in mock disbelief, “So you’re just always going to treat me like I’m porcelain now?”

He bites his lip but she reaches forward and gently tugs it free with her thumb.

“Bill,” she tries again and it’s much more soft, more pleading, “Please, bud. You’re not okay. And I need to know why.”

He sighs, his eyes closing briefly, and she strokes over his jaw with her fingers.

“I scared you again,” he whispers, and she stills. “You were scared of me.”

“I wasn’t scared of you,” she says.

“Yes you were.”

“No. Bill, listen closely. I wasn’t scared of you,” she repeats, “I’m never scared of you, because I know you would never hurt me.”

He glances up at her confused.

“Bud, look,” she sighs, “Sometimes in everything that we do, I’m not me. You get my head spinning with everything, and my mind just...taps out. Completely blanks. With pleasure, with pain, with fear, with safety, comfort, anxiety--god knows what. But you....you make me feel so safe that I let it go blank. Do you get that? I let myself just completely stop thinking. Stop worrying. I just let my mind...go.”

His eyes are back on her now, wide and focused.

“Bill, you get me so drunk off of good feelings that my mind shuts down to the very basic levels of function. Basically, all I can think about is survival shit: breathing. Swallowing. That’s it. I’m not processing stuff rationally, I’m not thinking logically, I’m not doing any of that. I’m tapped out. And sometimes when I’m tapped out, when my emotions are on such overdrive, things scare me that I wouldn’t normally be scared of. But it’s just because everything that’s happening is so intense, and I’ve lost the ability to rationalize.”

“You thought I was going to hurt you,” he mumbled and it sounds pitiful, “You thought I was lying, that I would grab you to punish you.”

“I wasn’t thinking. Bill, when I’m vulnerable like that, when I’m...small...like that with you, that’s not me. That’s not me the way I am now. I know, beyond shadow of a doubt, that you would never hurt me. That you would never lie to me, trick me like that just to punish me,” she explains, “But when I’m in a bad headspace--I don’t know anything.”

She pauses to kiss him, slow and soft.

“You did the right thing. You did everything right. And when I started to calm down, what was the first thing I did? Who did I ask for?” she says. He looks down bashfully, biting his lip.

“Hey big guy, you hear me up there?” she flicks his nose softly, “Who did I ask for?”

“Me,” he mumbles, gives her hips a soft squeeze.

“Yeah, you,” she confirms, “And why did I ask for you?”

He’s shy, ever so modest about it, but now is not the time for humility.

“Why did I ask for you, bud?” she says again.

“Because you wanted comfort,” he mumbles, “Safety.”

“And you give me comfort. I feel safe with you. I know I’m safe with you. Say it.”

“You feel safe with me,” he whispers, but she cups his cheeks.

“Nuh uh. The other way.”

“I make you feel safe,” he tries again, and she nods.

“You do. Always, Billy Goat,” she says, “When I’m like that, a mouse would scare me. It has nothing to do with you, bud. I know you would never hurt me. Okay?”

His lips tilt up in a small smile, and he pulls her closer.

“Okay,” he says, and he tucks her under his chin as he kisses her head.

“No more sulking,” she mumbles into his chest, “Or you might get a spanking.”

#sub tiger #soft bill #BFF!Bill #bill skarsgard #bill skarsgard drabble

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normal-thoughts-official · 5 years

Note

That thing about assumptions on whose more openly affectionate of malec being opposite is so true lol! Like you expect Magnus to be the teasing in public/PDA type but Alecs the one who grabs his ass and kisses him on the cheek and wraps an arm around his waist or shoulders, the one who initiates hand holding and kisses in public, the one who whispers dirty things in his ear?? And magnus adores every minute he just doesnt trust himself to initiate in case it's Too Much or hes being "clingy" :'[

ABSOLUTELY and i think it’s mostly because people don’t realize that magnus and alec’s outer appearance, demeanor-wise, is not only fake, but effectively a defense/coping mechanism

i mean i’ve already talked a lot about magnus many times and it’s been basically canonically established that magnus’ devil-may-care, playboy, detached attitude is the result of him trying to close himself off after too many experiences with abuse

and closing yourself off doesn’t just mean not allowing himself to feel, it also means not letting anyone get too close to you. but magnus can’t really do the “completely isolating yourself in a tower” thing, like Raphael does, because he craves contact and touch and attention and being alone with his thoughts is one of the worst things he can do to himself.

also, he’s too much of a softie, he’s still there, trying to represent warlocks politically, taking people under his wing. there’s just too much he needs to do, wants to do, so isolating himself physically won’t work. ergo, he needs a facade. a ruse. something between his feelings and others, something to keep him safely isolated and away from people who will- could hurt him and this way he also helps them too, because who needs to have such a broken, despicable, whiny murderer of a friend who brings nothing but emotional baggage to the table?

so he builds this uncaring, detached, but fun persona; someone whose company you can enjoy a lot, who will take you on adventures, who can do a lot of stuff for you, but who’s not deserving FITTING for a deeper relationship, even if just friendship-wise. he’s shallow, he only cares about the Exorbitant Amounts Of Money™ that he’ll get from his “favors” (which is hysterical because I don’t think I’ve seen him being paid a single fucking time in the entire show, not even when fucking lilith showed up at his house claiming to be some warlock he’s never met and asked for a potion, he literally gave it to her for free because she mentioned ragnor. he’s too kind for his own good, honestly. and god the amount of unpaid work he did for these goddamn shadowhunters. unbelievable. he deserved so much better. but anyway, i digress), he’s impulsive and stubborn and listens to no one, he’s all about partying and fashion and sex. so how could he possibly be like in a relationship, if not the teasing one who’s all over the other, showing them off to people, grabbing their ass, gushing over them or whatever. the most surprising part, honestly, would be to see magnus getting in a relationship at all, considering what an unfixable lothario he is and his general disdain for complicated matters - at least in most people’s eyes

as for Alec, well, for many, he’s probably the picture of the Perfect Shadowhunter. clear mind, cool head, cold heart. a soldier so perfect he’s almost a machine, and has never learnt empathy, much less love

it’s obvious that none of this is true, once you take a look. he’s clearly suffering and in a constant battle with himself, not only who he is and who he’s attracted to, but also what he actually believes in - and look, i’m not saying he’s perfect or some kind of woke white savior or anything, cuz he did and said some shitty stuff both in s1 and after it. but he’s also the one who told magnus “take what you need” when magnus needed his strength, and the one who refused to let magnus use his magic to clean the loft when he could do it himself and allow him to rest. and that says a lot. when everyone else, including clary, who supposedly wasn’t even raised in racist shadowhunter culture, treated magnus like a tool, the means to an end, alec remembered magnus’ humanity

so, upon closer inspection, most people would think that he’s just Repressed™. sure, there’s a lot going on in there, that man is conflicted af, and it’s actually a pity. were he raised in another culture, one that wasn’t so set on stripping you of your humanity, he could’ve been a great man. he could have been happy, too. goes to show you how cruel shadowhunters are, even to their own kind.

so for those people, alec is almost a pity case. he’s stuck in his oppression, helpless, confined. shadowhunter values have been drilled into him so deep that he can’t face his feelings anymore. he lies to himself and smothers any semblance of a “rebellious” thought before it even comes to mind. he’s all but brainwashed, basically

but that’s not exactly true, either

and look, don’t get me wrong, because of course i know that alec struggled like crazy to come to terms with his identity and his attraction. but alec is not brainwashed. if anything, he’s shockingly self-aware

when he’s in shock after he finds out about his parents and the arranged marriage, he says, “i’ve done everything that they’ve asked, i’ve dedicated all of me to the clave”. he knows exactly what he was sacrificing for them, he knows that there’s a line between what he believes in and what he does because it’s what’s he supposed to, and he knows where it is, too. when he goes on his first date with magnus, he says “i always knew i couldn’t get what i wanted, until you came along”. knew, not thought. it’s not that alec never considered it, always thought it was out of his realm of possibility, couldn’t face the idea; it’s that he thought it over, came to the conclusion that it couldn’t happen, and resigned himself to it. in alec’s eyes, he was making a choice

now, don’t misquote me, because obviously it’s not really a choice when you’re between losing everything you’ve ever had, including your family, or being who you are. i’m not saying that alec chose to be in the closet, i’m saying that he saw it that way. that he was perfectly aware of who he was, and what he wanted, and what he thought, but he knew he couldn’t act on it. there’s a fundamental difference between the way alec acts, and lying or hiding from yourself

so alec is not repressed in the freudian sense of the word, where his desires are all subconscious and whatnot, but in the sense that he won’t act on them

i think alec was never quite good at lying to himself (or anyone, really, but specially not himself. he’s painfully logical and introspective, and he over analyzes everything, including himself. i’m also like this and believe me when i say that it’s almost impossible for me to lie to myself, even when i want to. my therapist and psychiatrist both think it’s appalling lol. lying to yourself is a survivorship skill that i think neither alec nor i ever had)

and then we have the third group of people, the people who realize that, who know that alec knows and actively and consciously represses his desires anyway, but who think that alec is too powerless, too weak, to break out of it. basically another pity case, the poor lightwood boy, so hurt and powerless to do anything about it.

all of these people are wrong

alec is not weak, he’s- incredibly strong, really. like the shit he did when he came out, that was incredible. and before that, just heading out of the institute to go to magnus’ and help him heal luke when that went straight against clave’s orders? holy shit. straight up ignoring his mom’s calls? id literally die of anxiety before ever being able to do that. and after s1 too, he continuously chose magnus, continuously faced all sorts of enemies, he threatened maryse, who was always the monster under his bed, without batting an eye

alec’s always been strong, and brave, and self-aware. and that’s why his relationship with magnus was way less about figuring out what he wanted or learning how to express his feelings and desires, and way more about allowing himself to do exactly what he wanted. most people would think that alec would need time to adjust to being in a relationship, to being happy, to not looking over his shoulder after every touch or word. that alec would need help to figure out what he was into, what he liked, how to do things, how to feel and to love. but he didn’t, because alec knows himself way too well. once he decided that he could get what he wanted, he just did it and never looked back

(because he knows how strong he is, too, and there’s an advantage in being trained to be a soldier and diplomat - he’s very aware of his own strengths and how to use them)

so yeah, there is the reason everyone is wrong and shocked: people assumed that magnus knew what he wanted and was comfortable in his own skin, while alec didn’t. but it’s actually the other way around

if you look at their relationship, the “insecure one” (obviously there’s no such thing as “the insecure one”, everyone has their insecurities, but you know what i mean) was magnus. alec was ready for sex before him, and it seemed that it never occured to alec that he could have fears surrounding that. magnus was the one who was always worried that something would be the Last Straw, make alec leave him. magnus was hesitant to make big gestures of love or just be sappy and romantic, and alec was like “we’ve been dating for 3 months, i think it’s appropriate to propose to magnus”. magnus was scared and insecure, and alec gave zero (0) shits

(not with everything, obviously. i’m not trying to say magnus was the helpless uwu one who needed fixing. just that when it comes to their relationship, magnus was more hesitant than alec was)

because magnus was the one who had been repressing what he wanted. he was the one who couldn’t face the idea of falling in love, of allowing himself to be vulnerable, of being with someone else. after camille, after all the hurt and abuse, he wasn’t ready, and he needed time not only to allow himself to feel, but also to figure out how he feels - to get rid of this deep conviction that he’s worthless, that he should accept crumbs and not look back because it’s the best he’ll ever had. i’ve said that before, but that scene in s2 when magnus gets mad at alec for being a rude bitch, that’s so significant. the magnus from a few years before wouldn’t have said anything, would have just let alec treat him and make excuses for him. “oh he’s new to this,” “oh he was stressed,” “well there’s his brother”, “i was being annoying,” “it’s not his fault”. because that’s what you do when you’ve been through abuse. magnus got into their relationship unwilling to accept being only given crumbs, and unwilling to be anyone’s punchbag. not that alec would do him like that, but it’s important that magnus wouldn’t let him. especially because alec is kind of a dumb bitch who believes people when they say “it’s ok” way too often, so he might not have realized he was hurting magnus, had they met when magnus was in a different headspace

anyway, what i was talking about before i went on yet another big tangent about magnus and his abuse recovery? ah yes, repression

basically what i’m trying to say is: while both magnus and alec struggled with coming to terms with who they are, who they love, and loving and respecting themselves, by the time they got together magnus was the one who needed to be eased into things. he needed time and space to relearn how to be in a relationship, and to be happy in it. while alec needed to jump headfirst into what he wanted and not look back

and look, not to be a disgusting malec stan, but that’s one of the many reasons why they are literal soulmates work so well together. because magnus has been needing someone who loves him so deeply and expresses it so fearlessly, because he’s unused to it, because he’s way too insecure and convinced that he won’t get or doesn’t deserve it. and alec also needs to be able to express his love with abandon, he needs to be affectionate, to tell magnus that he’s beautiful and that every day they’re together is a dream and to give him gifts and to take him to the lock thing and make a romantic dinner with ten dozen red roses because for so long he didn’t allow himself. obviously they both love and are loved, and they both love each other equally and fiercely, and magnus also always expresses it, it’s not a one-way thing. but to alec, being able to express his love and affection for magnus is a wonder, it’s something that he’s still in awe of, realizing that he gets to have this, to be in love and let the whole world see. to say exactly what he feels. i think that’s one of the reasons why alec never beats around the bush, just goes straight into “it’s moments like this, when i’m staring into the eyes of the man that i love,” and his constant Wedding Vowing, because he’s basically bursting with everything he feels, and just how much, and he fucking wants to express it god damn. why the fuck would he be chill? HE GETS TO HAVE THIS, after denying himself for so long

and magnus, well. magnus really needs it. really needs to be convinced that he’s lovable, and that he deserves not only to be loved but to be loved in a fulfilling, caring way. to be happy in a relationship, not just part of it. that he doesn’t have to constantly sacrifice himself for others

and that’s just one of the many ways in which they suit each other so perfectly. because what they need to say is what the other needs to hear, and what they have is so strong it can calm the storm that’s been inside of them for so long. they have the kind of love where they’re sad together, happy together, silly together, angry together, where they get to be competitive dorks and say dumb shit, and also to have slow and calm mornings, and also to feel juts as intensely as they desire. they have it all they are soulmates they have a one in a million kind of connection they are so perfect for each other and in this essay i will

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spookyrobbins · 4 years

Text

don’t go (where i can’t follow)

pairing: catra x adora

description:

following shadow weaver’s escape, catra’s future looks doomed. but with the appearance of her past self and adora, maybe catra can save them and herself.

chapter two.

even children get older

links: ao3 || chapter one

Night fell as they entered the Whispering Forest, long shadows creeping around them. Catra suppressed the urge to quiver in fear at them. She wasn’t afraid of shadows anymore. (At least that’s what she kept telling herself in the dead of night.)

Unfortunately, the same could not be said for the two little girls. Little Catra flinched at the shadows that seemed to reach out for them, turning her face into little Adora’s shirt. Little Adora seemed to be equally afraid of the strange noises around them.

Catra fought to keep a straight face when a flock of birds burst out of the tree and almost hit her in the face. She settled for a threatening hiss that seemed to drive them away.

“So like, you’re me, yeah?” The little version of her piped up from her place wrapped in little Adora’s arms.

Tamping down a strange feeling of jealousy at the sight, Catra replied, “I guess. Honestly, all this magic shit gives me a headache.”

“Magic?” Both girls gasped, their eyes wide with terror.

Catra shrugged halfheartedly as she navigated them further into the forest. She vaguely aimed them towards where the princesses’ palace was. They’d be better equipped to help two little kids than Catra. Catra didn’t even like little kids. At least, Adora did. “Yeah, magic seems to explain everything.”

“Like Shadow Weaver’s magic?” came her small voice.

“I don’t think Shadow Weaver’s behind this, considering she was locked up at the time. But there’s a lot of this magic stuff going around these days. All sorts of weird princess stuff and magic swords and everything.”

“Shadow Weaver’s locked up?”

“Princesses?”

Catra focused on little Adora’s question first. “Yup, all sorts of princesses. There’s Sparkles and the flower chick and the one who does freaky things with water.” Catra shuddered at the thought.

“You’ve fought princesses?” Little Adora asked, her mouth falling open in awe. “That’s so cool! Catra, d’you hear? Fighting princesses!”

Catra chuckled to herself at little Adora’s excitement. This was the Adora she knew, the one who wanted to share the world with her and didn’t have time for all the princessing and whatnot. This Adora held her close and tried to protect her. Present-day Adora couldn’t give a shit about Catra these days.

“I’ve fought all the princesses. Even beat ‘em a few times.” The sight of Adora in all her glowing glory hunched over after having her claws imbedded in her back flashed before her eyes. That counted as beating her, right? She definitely didn’t feel like she was going to be sick afterwards. She definitely didn’t cry herself to sleep for a month afterwards.

“What about Shadow Weaver?” Little Catra asked in a soft tone, almost trembling.

Catra squeezed her eyes shut. She hated how scared she was at that age. At least she had grown out of that. Kind of. At least Shadow Weaver was gone.

“She was locked up. I locked her up. But she escaped. That’s why Hordak sent those people after me. But I’m the one who beat her.” Her hands shook slightly on the rudder, but she managed to keep it steady. “I was the one who was strong. And she still…” Her throat seized up painfully. “She still didn’t choose me.” The last words came out so softly she doubted either of the kids could hear her. Or rather, she hoped her younger self didn’t hear it.

“You, uh, I mean, I beat Shadow Weaver. Holy Hordak! I beat Shadow Weaver!” Little Catra leapt to her feet, flinging herself at her older self’s legs. Catra laughed loudly, the sound echoing in the quiet forest. “This is the best day ever.” Catra glanced down at her little face, those heterochromatic eyes alight with joy. She wasn’t sure if she had ever been that happy in her entire childhood. Maybe this was the one good thing she’d ever do.

Her eyes strained to see much further than a bit in front of the skiff, as if the forest was making it darker so even her eyes couldn’t make out what was in front of her.

“How about we set up camp for the night?” she asked as she slowed the skiff in front of a tree with spindly branches almost forming a ceiling. Helping both girls down, she set about making a little campsite for the three of them. For a moment, she debated having them find firewood, but thought better of it given what happened the last time they had separated in these woods. She tossed her pack to little Adora. “Set up some beds with those. I’ll grab some wood.”

She crossed the small clearing in search of fallen branches, trying to suppress the painful ache in her chest.

She had finally left the Horde. There was no going back now. She’d be shot on sight. There was nothing for her there. To be frank, there was nothing for her anywhere. Maybe she’d just live in the woods, finally acting like the feral animal everyone always told her she was. Or she’d go to the Crimson Wastes and disappear.

But for now, she needed to take care of those two and get them to people who could fix this situation. And the best person for that, unfortunately, was Adora and her princess friends.

She cast a glance to the little kids who were giggling happily as they made a nest for themselves. Stars, she missed not sleeping alone. Until Adora left, the only times Catra had slept alone were during Shadow Weaver’s punishments when she slept in the cells. And even then, she was in too much pain to really know she was alone.

But now, she just tossed and turned, always seeking a warmth that wasn’t there.

As these thoughts ran through her mind, she gathered an armful of sticks. A screaming peal of laughter startled her.

Little Catra sat on top of little Adora’s chest, her hands on her hips. The two were giggling happily, little Adora tickling at her sides.

“Hey Catra!” Little Adora called to her as she reached the skiff. “Are you still ticklish?” She wiggled her fingers threateningly even as little Catra kept her pinned to the ground.

“If you come near me, I will claw your face off,” replied Catra evenly, dropping the wood on the ground. “Split a ration bar if you’re hungry, but I don’t know how long we’ll be in the woods.”

“I’m not hungry,” little Catra declared, shoving a ration bar into Adora’s hands.

“Yes, you are, dummy. Just eat the bar. I don’t wanna have to carry you around all day tomorrow.” The pair of them stared at each other, but the older one won in the end.

“Aren’t you hungry?” asked little Catra through a mouthful of ration bar.

Her stomach twisted at the thought of food, but not from hunger, but from anxiety. And anyway, she was used to being hungry, the little one didn’t have the same years of practice. Little Catra’s brow furrowed, but she didn’t ask any more questions.

As the two girls ate, Catra began to build a fire, fishing an older lighter out of her bag.

“Whoa,” hummed little Adora, her eyes fixed on the flames, “it’s so pretty.”

Little Catra, in true form, reached a hand out to touch it, yelping as a spark landed in her fur.

“Don’t touch it, it’s hot,” said Catra, monotone. “Now, go to bed, you two. We’re walking tomorrow.”

“We’re not taking the skiff anymore?”

“They’ll be able to track it that thing anywhere once Entrapta’s on it. I’m not taking any chances. Seriously. Bed, now.” Little her looked like she wanted to argue until little Adora brushed her fingers gently.

Each girl settled into their own pile of blankets, just far enough that they weren’t connected, but close enough that they could almost press their fingers together.

Memories pressed at the back of Catra’s eyes of how many times they had been punished (or rather, she had) for sharing a bed. Shadow Weaver’s figure looming over their bunk, cold fingers curling around Catra’s wrist, pulling her from Adora’s side.

“Hey,” her voice cracked unfortunately on the word, “you guys can share if you want.”

The hope that bloomed in their faces would’ve been adorable if it wasn’t so tragic.

In seconds, little Catra piled all of her blankets in with little Adora’s. The two girls burrowed into the blankets, little Catra’s head tucked against little Adora’s chest. Little Adora fell asleep almost instantly, but little Catra’s eyes remained half open even as little Adora sleepily petted her ears.

“Aren’t you gonna sleep?”

“Somebody’s gotta keep watch. Go to sleep, kitten.”

Little Catra watched her intently until her eyes couldn’t stay open any longer.

Once the little ones were both asleep, Catra let herself relax back and stare up at the empty sky. She couldn’t remember the last time she felt so alone. In the Fright Zone, there was always noise, guards chatting or the rumble of bots moving through the halls or just the weird noises all the pipes made. The Whispering Forest certainly lived up to its name. It felt like something was about to sneak up on her at any moment. Wind whistled through the trees, amplifying every noise.

Catra had no sense of how much time had passed, just waiting for something to spring out of the woods. The moon had shifted a bit, but Catra never had any formal forest survival training. Apparently it was covered in Force Captain training.

“Hey Catra,” hissed a voice right next to her ear. Catra started, swinging out with her claws. Luckily, little Catra had good reflexes and ducked in time. “Ha! I’m faster than you.”

“No, you’re not, I just didn’t want to hit you.”

“You’re not a very good watch then, huh?”

“What do you want?” Catra groaned, pushing herself into a seated position.

Little Catra folded in on herself in front of Catra, her arms curled around her knees, her tail looped around her arm. “Um, was just wondering….”

“Wondering…? Just ask what you wanna ask. I don’t want to have to carry you all day tomorrow.”

Little Catra stared intently at her knees. “Where’s your Adora?”

“She’s not my Adora,” Catra all but hissed, tension surging up her spine. And as it turned out, she never was. Little Catra shrunk back at the harshness, tears springing to her eyes. “It’s complicated. Life’s not fair.”

“Is she dead?”

Catra’s heart stopped. Even the thought of Adora dead hurt. Sure, she had tried more than most. But it had never succeeded. Was that because Adora was just better than her? Or, or, was it because Catra could never actually kill Adora? A traitorous voice whispered in her ear, sounding an awful lot like Adora.

Her claws dug into her forearm, the pain grounding her.

“No, she’s not dead.”

“Really? I just thought… ya know, if you’re a Force Captain, then something musta happened to Adora. Shadow Weaver always, always said…”

“That Adora was special, that she was destined for leadership.” Catra finished the thought, a strange prickling in her fingertips. “And I’m cannon fodder…”

“Just an animal,” murmured little Catra, a few tears spilling down her cheeks.

“Hey, hey, kid, don’t listen to her. She’s wrong about me, er, us.” Catra reached out tentatively for her younger self, pausing when the little girl flinched. “It’s okay. I’m going to take care of you. I promise.” At those words, little Catra let her touch her, desperately pressing into it. “I promise,” she repeated as little Catra moved to curl into her side.

“So if Adora’s not dead, where is she?”

“You’ll see. That’s where we’re headed.”

“Are you not friends with her anymore? We said it’d always be the two of us. I don’t want Adora to leave. She can’t leave me. I won’t leave her!”

A sob bubbled in her chest, but she tamped it down. “Take it easy, kitten, your Adora’s still here.” Catra brushed her fingers over little Catra’s head, letting them tease gently over her ear tufts. “It’s okay. I’ve got you.” A small purr rumbled out of little Catra’s chest, vibrating against Catra. She surprised herself by letting a returning purr.

“What’re you two doin’? ‘m cold.” Both looked up abruptly to find little Adora rubbing at her eyes as she stood to her feet. “Kitty, you left,” Little Adora said with a pout.

The nickname tore at Catra’s chest, leeching into her broken heart. Not long after they were this age, Adora had stopped calling her that. Her own terrified screams at Adora after an overnight session with Shadow Weaver as Adora had tried to hold her and calm her down before someone found them echoed in her head. She hadn’t done anything wrong. She hadn’t. But Shadow Weaver had held her with her magic, calling out to her, “Here, kitty, kitty.” Adora had called her kitty once more as she let Catra cry and Catra lashed out, catching Adora’s chin. Shadow Weaver stole her away again and Adora never called her kitty again.

As Catra sunk further into memory, little Adora had crawled into her lap next to little Catra. The added weight and warmth jarred Catra out of thoughts of that dark magic coursing around her.

The little girls wrapped themselves in a blanket, their fingers entwined together, pressing back into Catra’s body.

As their breathing evened out, Catra couldn’t help but sink into the warmth of the contact. It had been so long since someone touched her for longer than a moment.

Frequently, Catra wondered how her life had gotten to where it was. Most of the time, that thought came as she fought Adora, or more specifically She-ra.

This time also had to do with Adora, sort of.

“Hey! Watch the ears!” Catra yelped as a chubby hand pulled on one of her ears. With one hand, she pulled little Adora off her shoulders, dangling in her in front of her.

“Sorry, Catra,” drawled little Adora, her eyes bright with mischief. With an eye roll, Catra set little Adora on her feet.

Catra cast her gaze upwards to check where little Catra was playing in the trees. She could hear her, but not see her. Eh, she was probably fine.

Little Adora fell into step beside her, almost automatically reaching for her hand. Catra hesitated for a moment, her ribcage aching, before letting their fingers slot together.

The pair of them walked in silence through the woods, the only sounds the occasional creak of a branch as little Catra lept from tree to tree.

After what might have been an hour of walking, little Catra dropped from a tree a bit in front of them, scaring little Adora enough to send her scrambling behind Catra’s legs.

Little Catra grinned at them with bloody teeth, feathers and sticks embedded in her hair. “Hey, ‘Dora.” Her eyes flickered to her older self momentarily as a blush covered her cheeks. “I got you somethin’.” Catra then noticed the way she was holding her hands behind her back. “And you too,” she addressed her older self, her cheeks turning almost red.

Catra let go of little Adora’s hand as little Catra bounded over to them. Hesitating for a moment, little Catra then held out her hands for each of them, a dead song bird in each.

Catra choked on air for a moment before schooling her features. “Uh, thanks, kid.”

“They taste soooo good, Adora! You’ve gotta try.”

Little Adora began to reach forward, but Catra stopped her. Both girls stared up at her with wide eyes. “Er, kitten, that’ll make Adora sick.”

Little Catra’s face crumpled, tears appearing in the corners of her eyes. Without another word, little Catra turned on her heel and sprinted back into the woods.

“Crap,” hissed Catra. She turned to little Adora, grabbing her shoulder. “You stay here. Do not move. Do not make a sound. If something comes, then scream as loud as you can. I’ll go get, uh, Catra.”

“But I can help find her! I’m good at finding her.”

“I know, kid, but she’s probably up a tree now or something. This’ll be faster.” Catra almost let little Adora come with her after she pouted dramatically, but now wasn’t the time for her soft heart.

Catra squeezed her shoulder tightly once more. Then, she sprinted after little Catra, praying the girl hadn’t gotten too far. She kept her ears pricked, desperate for a sign of the little girl.

“Catra, please. This isn’t safe.” Catra scaled a low hanging tree in an effort to increase visibility. “Kitten, come back. You can’t just run away here. It’s not safe.”

A broken sob came from one of the trees in front of her.

“You said I was gonna hurt Adora.”

Catra lept up to the tree, hanging on a branch below her little self. Little Catra sat with her back against the trunk, curled into the smallest ball possible. Her tail whipped back and forth anxiously.

“Kitten, that’s not what I said.”

“I don’t wanna hurt Adora. She’s my friend.”

“I know that. I’m you, remember?”

“You don’t have an Adora. That’s what you said.”

A shot to the chest wouldn’t have hurt so badly. Her younger self had managed to find that old, festering wound and hit it hard.

“Yeah, well, life isn’t sunshine and rainbows, is it?” She snarled, only catching herself at the end. She knew the kid was just scared, but god, did her heart always hurt like this? She pulled herself up onto the branch so she was facing herself. Little Catra hissed at her, which Catra easily returned. “Settle down, kitten.”

“Adora loves me. We protect each other. I’m not hurting her.”

Catra sighed heavily. This was a favourite tactic of Shadow Weaver’s when she was small. Punish her for every mistake she or Adora made and then tell her she was hurting Adora, that she was dragging her down. Stars, Catra couldn’t even be good enough for herself. Was she so broken that she couldn’t help herself?

“I just wanted to give her something,” mumbled little Catra into her knees.

Catra let her tail rest between them, almost brushing little Catra’s toes. “I know. You bring her that mouse yet?”

“Mouse! Where?”

“Eh, I’ll tell you later. But I get it. I used to bring my Adora presents too. But thing is, you and me, kid, we’re different from Adora and the others. One thing Shadow Weaver’s not wrong about. Eating that bird tastes good to you, but to Adora, it’ll make her sick. It’s part of being a hybrid. Our bodies are different. Like Scorpia loves eating bugs because of her whole scorpion thing.”

“You know a scorpion, named Scorpia?”

Catra scoffed, “You do realize, we’re a cat hybrid, and our name is Catra, right?”

“Whatever,” little Catra grumbled, rolling her eyes dramatically.

“Look, I know you weren’t trying to hurt Adora. And kid, don’t listen to Shadow Weaver. You’ve always been a good friend to Adora. It’s not your fault.”

“Then where is your Adora?”

“She’s-” An ear-piercing scream cut off Catra’s fumbling reply. “Oh fuck, Adora.”

“You left her?” Little Catra screeched.

“You ran off! It doesn’t matter, we need to go.” The pair of them scrambled down the tree. Without a word, Catra slung little Catra onto her back. “Hold on tight.”

Catra took off at full speed towards the spot she had left her. They burst through the trees to find little Adora facing off with one of Entrapta’s robots. A series of scorch marks lined the ground where little Adora must have been.

“Fuck, go get Adora and hide, I’ll deal with the robot.” Little Catra dropped off her back seamlessly while Catra moved directly towards the robot. “Hey, you there! Over here!” She waved her arms about, desperate to get the robot’s focus away from the girls. The robot turned slowly, the light blinking rapidly.

Out of the corner of her eye, she watched as little Catra pulled little Adora into a bush. She hoped they’d actually stay put this time.

Almost a moment too late, she lept out of the way as the robot firing a shot at her.

“Identification: Force Captain Catra. Code: Sierra-Papa-Tango 3138!” She yelp as she slid under the robot, tearing at its underbelly.

“Identification accepted.”

“Stand down!” Catra yelped as she jumped on top of it in an effort to dodge its projectiles. “Stand down!”

“You do not have authorization.”

Catra let out a long curse as the robot tried to buck her off. She drove her claws into its top to steady herself before shoving her hand into the vulnerable camera area. She pulled out as many wires as she could until the robot collapsed on the forest floor.

“Sorry, Entrapta,” she muttered as she tossed down the mass of wires. “Kids, you can come out now.”

The two little girls emerged from the bushes, little Adora looking a bit worse for wear. A long scrape crossed one cheek while her trousers were covered in grass stains. Little Catra hovered protectively over her shoulder as Catra checked out her cheek.

“Might have a bit of a scar,” Catra said, cleaning it best she could with her meagre supplies. “But you’ll live.”

“Scars are so cool, Adora,” little Catra added, pressing a brief kiss to the wounded cheek. Little Adora’s entire face turned a familiar shade of pink.

“Thanks, kitty.” Little Adora returned the kiss on little Catra’s cheek and Catra was 100-percent convinced her face had never been that red in her entire life. (Other than all of the other times with Adora, the traitorous voice in her head whispered)

Catra busied herself with repacking the bag as the two girls whispered. While her back was slightly to them, little Adora snuck up on her and kissed her cheek. “Thank you for saving me.”

“Uh...sure thing, kid,” managed Catra, only slightly, completely embarrassed by her reaction. “We better keep going. We’re still probably a day or two out from where we’re going. Especially considering this freakin’ forest hates me,” she added under her breath.

She motioned with one hand and the two little ones fell into step with her easily. Absently, she supposed there was some benefit to military training for seven-year-olds; at least it made them easier to wrangle in a magic forest.

“Cap’n Catra,” called little Adora from one side, “why does the forest hate you?”

“Uh, ‘cause it’s the Whispering Forest.”

Both girls yelped in fear. “But, aren’t there princesses in here?” Adora asked, shifting closer to Catra nervously.

Catra winced slightly as little Catra climbed up her body, claws digging into her side. “We have the might Force Captain Catra to protect us!” Little Catra settled on Catra’s shoulder, her hands buried in her hair. Catra bit into her cheek as her younger self pulled hard on her hair to maintain her balance.

Little Adora giggled, tugging on Catra’s arm until their fingers were interlaced.

“I know that you’ll protect us.”

“Always, kid.”

It had been nearly four days since they had fled the Fright Zone and it seemed the forest was neverending. In particular, it didn’t like Catra or even her younger self. Little Adora, on the other hand, seemed to have a way with the forest and kept correcting their direction. Of course, even without the stupid magic sword, Adora was special.

Catra tamped down the bubbling resentment that had taken up residence a year ago. She didn’t have a problem with a seven-year-old. That was pathetic. That was weak. She had a problem with nineteen-year-old Adora. She had a problem with She-ra. She didn’t have a problem with a seven-year-old who didn’t know what she’d do at a later date. A seven-year-old who looked at her best friend like she was the whole world and held her hand and made sure she was safe. That was the Adora Catra was mourning. That was the one Catra missed like someone had taken a piece of her.

She hooked her thumbs into the straps of the rucksack, watching the two girls running slightly ahead. They had made up some sort of racing game that morning and somehow weren’t completely tired yet. Carta simultaneously looked forward to and dreaded that point. Her entire body ached from the hike through the woods plus the fact that she had been carrying each of the girls on and off and she felt like she could sleep forever.

“‘Dora, I’ll give you a headstart! Betcha can’t even beat me then!” Little Catra yelled as she hung from a low hanging tree branch. Without a word, little Adora took off, but stopped just before she passed a massive tree. “If you stop, you can’t win, dummy!”

“There’s something up there! Like a shiny building!”

Catra jogged to catch up with little Adora and sure enough, there was Bright Moon in all its stupid, shiny, princessy glory. Almost involuntarily, a sharp exhale fell from her lips. Never thought she’d be thrilled to see the headquarters of the Rebellion, at least not without an army at her back.

“Whoa,” little Catra gasped behind her. “Is that where we’re going?”

“Yup. But we’ve gotta wait a bit. It’s almost dark, then I’ll go and get who we need.”

Little Adora wandered back towards them, her little face glowing with wonder. “It’s so big and shiny.”

“Why do we have to go there?”

“‘Cause I said so,” snapped Catra, wincing at her own tone. The anxiety in her stomach made her want to throw up or run away or anything but what she needed to do. “Do you think that you two can stay safe on your own? I can’t take you with me.”

“Uh, duh, we’re like the best fighters ever,” replied little Catra, setting her fists on her hips. “And we have knives. Nobody ever gave us knives before.”

Little Adora looked a bit more reluctant. “What if a bot finds us?”

“They don’t come this far out. The only thing you two need to keep an eye out for is princesses and Rebellion soldiers.”

“And we’ll stab ‘em and claw their faces off!” Little Adora cheered, nudging little Catra, who bounced up and down next to them.

Catra let out a chuckle. “I like the enthusiasm, but no, no clawing anyone’s face off or stabbing.” Both girls groaned and rolled their eyes. “If a princess or a Rebellion solider finds you, tell them you need to talk to She-ra right away. Got it?”

“Yes, ma’am. No hurting the Rebellion and ask for She-ra.” Adora echoed back, but her face was scrunched up in distaste.

Catra glanced around, looking for a hiding place. “Alright, you two are spending a night in a tree. Kitten, you’re in charge,” Little Catra whooped loudly, cutting Catra off.

“What? But I’m….” Little Adora’s lower lip trembled slightly.

“Look, what I was gonna say, is you’re in charge of making sure you two don’t fall out of the tree. Now, c’mon, I’ll help you guys up.” Catra passed her rucksack to little Adora, who looked incredibly thrilled by the responsibility. Only little Adora took her help while little Catra scrambled up the tree to help pull little Adora up. “Stay put until I come back. Only come down for me, okay?”

“Can you do any birdcalls?” Little Adora yelled down.

“Birdcalls?”

“Or whistle? We need a signal. I read it in the Horde Manual.”

Stars, she forgot what a dork Adora was. “Sure, I’ll whistle when I come back. Try and get some rest.”

The two little girls called back their goodbyes as Catra slunk off into the tree line. There was a ridge that jutted out to the back of Bright Moon without many guards. That would have to be her best bet. If all went to plan, she’d be able to find Adora’s room without much difficulty and then convince Adora to help her, which would be infinitely more difficult.

She stuck to the edge of the forest as she worked her way towards the back of the castle, eyes fixed on the troops training below her. One misstep and she’d be dead. So really she hadn’t improved her overall place in the world these days. Everyone wanted her dead and probably wouldn’t hesitate to kill her. As long as she got the girls to safety and then fixed from whatever weird magic this was, it would be fine. And anyway, execution at the hands of the Rebellion would be nicer than whatever Hordak’s twisted mind could come up with.

As the world fell to complete darkness, Catra positioned herself in a tree that would allow her to watch the castle with ease. Luckily, Bright Moon lived up to its name and every room was brightly illuminated, so anyone could watch the inhabitants with ease.

Resting her chin on her knees, she watched the rooms, waiting for Adora to appear.

Maybe death wouldn’t be so bad. It couldn’t be the worst. Maybe then every minute of every day wouldn’t feel like something was clawing its way out of her chest, leaving the remains of her heart.

A door to a balcony cracked open and Adora’s laugh echoed across the chasm. That was something that hadn’t changed over the years.

Catra focused in on the room the sound came from. Adora was there along with the two idiots she had left Catra for.

She had spent too many nights awake wondering what was so special about them. The answer Catra had finally landed on was it was that they were special and Catra, as everyone had always told her, was not.

She pushed down that pain, leaving the old wound to fester.

And so she watched as Adora and her new friends laughed and chatted and stars, when did this start hurting again.

After what felt like a lifetime, Adora and the boy left the room after a long good night with lots of hugs and kisses.

Catra waited for Adora to reappear in a room. Once she had her target, Catra dropped out of the tree, shaking her aching limbs.

She was going to have to jump it. If she missed, she’d probably shatter both of her legs. For Hordak’s sake, she needed to stop getting into these sorts of situations. With a running leap, she landed on a window sill a whole floor below Adora’s room.

Not ideal in any way. Despite the screaming in her muscles, Catra pulled herself up, balancing precariously on the arch.

“Huh, could’ve sworn I heard something.” A droll voice floated up. Catra pressed her body as flat to the wall as possible. A head and shoulders emerged from the window, but only looked right and left, not up. Catra exhaled shakily when whoever it was flicked off their light and fell silent.

She scaled the way up to Adora’s balcony. Of course, she had a balcony, fancy princess and all. Once she was on the balcony, she moved around quickly to curl into the shadows against the wall formed by the window.

The light was already off and Catra was just mustering up the courage to speak to Adora, a loud knock sounded inside the room.

There was a shuffle of feet and then, “Uh, hey Adora, I just got a weird report from the forest. One of our scouting teams found a couple of Horde-issued ration bars and a Horde bot totally torn up.”

“What? Do you think the Horde’s attacking?” Adora sounded more panicked than Catra was used to.

“No, no, nothing like that. But the bot, it looked like it was torn up by claws.”

“A lot of things in the Whispering Forest have claws, I guess.”

“This seemed more deliberate. I’m not sure what could cause this kind of damage, but I’ll keep looking into it.”

“Wait, Bow, what do you mean? Deliberate how?”

“Most of the damage was in the ocular centre. It was torn out pretty cleanly. So I don’t think it was some animal.”

“Hm, strange.”

“Like I said, I’ll keep an eye out for any more weird reports. Sleep well, Adora.”

“You too, Bow.”

Footsteps came closer to the open door and then stopped. Catra held her breath. She could just barely hear Adora mumbling to herself about something, but then slowly she stopped.

Catra waited until her joints began to ache. She strained to listen for the familiar sound of Adora’s even breathing.

After a long while, Catra moved in front of the door, slipping in easily. For a kingdom at war, there was very little security around here.

Adora lay curled on her side, facing the window. Moonlight illuminated her face, her blonde hair ethereal under the light.

Now wasn’t the time for Catra’s fascination with Adora’s hair though. She inhaled shakily, trying to stop the trembling in her fingers.

She approached the bed silently, waiting for Adora to move or open her eyes or something. In all the years she had known her, Adora had been a light sleeper. But as with everything, she’d gone soft.

Catra crouched in front of Adora’s face, resting one hand on her shoulder. She shook gently, waiting for Adora’s eyes to open.

Those blue eyes flew open.

“Hey, Adora.”

#catradora #catradora fanfic #adora x catra #catra x adora #spop fanfic #spop #**

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missnight0wl · 5 years

Note

For the ask meme thing, can you do Penny, Ben, Merula, Charlie and Skye?

Well, it turned out rather lengthy. I was even considering splitting it to separate posts, but I don’t know… I ended up putting it under the cut. If anyone actually cares about it and prefers similar analyses to be in shorter posts, let me know!

Penny

First impression:

“A popular blonde girl? Well, all right, I guess.”

Impression now:

“Why. Are. You. Everywhere?”

So yeah, I’m among people tired of seeing Penny in almost every side quest while also being very prominent in the main story. The difference is that, for me, it started already at some point in year 4.

I’m not saying that she’s a bad character or anything, but I just feel like her potential is terribly wasted for the sake of putting her on the screen, even without rhyme or reason. One thing that bothers me is that Penny is flawed – which on its own is a really GOOD thing. The problem is that it’s not being explored but usually just excused by circumstances instead. Penny is impulsive and she performs badly under pressure, but we see it mostly in situations like after Scarlett’s death, after Beatrice went missing/got trapped, after Merula stole her potion – and it’s never addressed after. And I believe it should, especially in situations like the last case I mentioned. Sure, it’s understandable that Penny wanted to get justice and recognition she deserved, but also the fact that she went straight to making someone impersonate a professor… feels a bit extreme. What I’m trying to say is that it’d be beneficial for Penny to make her flaws more “part of her”, in a way. For example, when we were considering both Penny or Charlie for the Portrait Vault, I wanted someone to say that Penny indeed might want to help because of personal involvement, but she also performs badly when strong emotions are involved.

Another thing is that even the thing which should be Penny’s main strengths (gossiping, “personal network”) are almost meaningless for the main story. Like, I don’t recall any situations where she used her connections to learn something about Jacob from older students etc. It’d be great to see her researching Rakepick alongside Tulip during year 4, too, yet Tulip was doing it alone. There was one situation in Y4Ch4:

… but even if you say “yes”, it’s never brought up again. Of course, using Penny’s gossiping more effectively means more Penny in the game, and we don’t really need that. So it’s rather the idea for how her character should’ve been written from the beginning: remove her from side quests which do absolutely nothing for her character, and use what you gave her from the start. Because currently, Penny feels kind of empty…

Favorite moment:

I’m not sure if I have one, to be honest. It’s not that I hate all of them, but none is particularly special for me. I did like our conversation from Y6Ch11 about Beatrice which showed that Penny can work on accepting changes:

Too bad that it was quickly thrown to trash since everyone loses their minds because of that stupid escapee, so…

Idea for a story:

I don’t want more stories with Penny so I don’t really have ideas for one.

More seriously, though, it’d probably be something involving acknowledgement of Penny’s flaws and working on improvement. Something that would expand the scene I mentioned above.

Unpopular opinion:

I feel like a lot of things I discussed already are unpopular opinions… Still, here’s something else:

Penny’s hairstyle is ugly. There, I said it. I know it’s silly, but it bothers me ever since I saw it for the first time in the game. I can agree that Penny is a stereotypically pretty girl, but the hairstyle kind of ruins the whole design. It’s just… so unnecessarily complicated. Like, it’s 4 in 1: hair down, two braids on the sides, a braid on bangs, and a knot on a back. Just pick two, it’d be much better! I can’t help but think that it was a “bring your child to work” day at Jam City, and some 5-years-old was like: “I want her to have this, and this, and this… and this!”. The hairstyle doesn’t have to be super complex to be impressive and draw attention.

Favorite relationship:

Hm, probably with Chiara. The first Halloween TLSQ is a hot mess, but the relationship between those two girls, how Penny overcome her fear, was a really nice element.

Favorite headcanon:

Penny having her own Apothecary at Diagon Alley or in Hogsmeade. I imagine she’d have many propositions to become a professor etc., but I think she’d like to have her own place where she can do her experiments, maybe give advice to her customers. She’d probably be in touch with Liz because of the ingredients (I can see “no creatures were hurt” labels). Oh, and with Chiara too, perhaps to help her with the Lycanthropy cure.

Ben

First impression:

“Either you have a great story or you’ll be used as comic relief.”

Impression now:

“Stop using my boy’s story as comic relief!”

Of course, that’s an oversimplification. But there is something about it that Ben was never really presented… seriously. First, it was his anxiety which was usually being exaggerated, and I assume it was partially to make it look funny. It was only during classes when we could find out that Ben’s father is an actuary, that there’s a ghost at his house and Ben’s parents didn’t believe him about it, that he was bullied in his Muggle school. All of that are very real reasons for his insecurity to develop. And I think that we should’ve talked more about that. Because now, people are used to Ben not being serious, and when they see lines like:

… they also don’t take him seriously. Hell, I’m not sure the writers take him seriously when I see something like that.

I really don’t mind New Ben, but I do think it could’ve been much better executed. Especially when it comes to what led to his change – which brings us back to how terribly bad Y5Ch30 was…

Favorite moment:

His part in the O.W.L.s TLSQ:

Idea for a story:

Any story explaining some of many mysteries Ben holds.

Unpopular opinion:

I’m not sure if it’s an unpopular opinion, but I think that whether or not you (mostly) trusted Ben in the previous years, it should’ve had a bigger impact on the relationship between him and MC in year 6. I’m also really bothered that we’re not getting an option to tell him that he was brave even in the past. I know that a lot of situations showing Ben’s courage were optional, but still. I’d like to remind him that he was already protecting his friends when he took the spell on himself during the attack at the beginning of year 5, or when he disarmed Rowan put under Imperius. Those are constant points in the story.

Favorite relationship:

Definitely with Charlie. I’m really upset that the writers didn’t pay much attention to that, and we only got glimpses of Charlie being supportive of Ben. Still, it was really endearing and enough to steal my heart.

Also, I want to mention here the relationship between Ben and Rowan, because it’s another thing that I wish would be elaborated more. I mean, I understand that it was overshadowed in later years by Rowan being suspicious, but I feel like what we’re kind of forgetting is that they’re part of the original trio: MC, Rowan, and Ben. I’m not including Penny here, because yes, she was there since year 1, but she’s a popular girl, a friend of everyone. The trio was a group of awkward kids, not exactly fitting to the rest. And while Rowan was always closer to MC, they cared about Ben as well (I believe they did all that time and still do). When Ben went missing, Rowan was really upset:

I really hoped we’ll get more of them growing back closer after Y5Ch19, but… yeah.

Favorite headcanon:

Ben becoming a healer. He’d be great at this, not only because he’s a powerful wizard, but also because his patients will appreciate his calming attitude – that is when Ben overcomes his own trauma.

Merula

First impression:

“Well, I guess you have to be in that game.”

Impression now:

“Well, I guess you have to be in that game.”

I’m not even being sarcastic. My current opinion on Merula is pretty much the same as it was at the beginning: I don’t really care. There were some changes on the way, of course, from “Woah, you’re an intense one, huh?”, to “Can you just leave me alone?”, to some small hope in year 4 that she might be turn into something interesting, to finally end with total disappointment after our meeting at the Three Broomsticks in Y5Ch2.

I never really had high hopes for Merula, simply because the whole “enemies to friends” and whatnot is not really my thing. I might end up liking it, but it’s not something I’m seeking for on my own. So I was more like: “Yeah, we’ll see how it goes since I’m already here anyway”. And… it didn’t really go anywhere. Some months ago I wrote a post about Merula not changing throughout the story (you can find it here), and sadly, I think it’s still true. And personally, at this point, I just accepted that Jam City can’t handle her arc properly. But I also know that they think that they need such character to be included, just because.

Favorite moment:

When Merula was defeated by Torvus and MC looked really happy about it (even though I know it was likely just a coincidence).

Seriously though, I don’t think I have one.

Idea for a story:

The story I really wish to see – and which is crucial for Merula’s redemption arc to even begin – is Merula acknowledging things she’s done to people, where she apologies for that and at least try to treat them better. I’m talking here not only about MC, but also about the others (it could be actually more important, in my opinion). You know, something similar to “A Christmas Carol” might’ve been interesting. Now, I’m talking more about the idea, I don’t think Merula should get the whole Christmas quest for herself – although it’d be more satisfying and meaningful than taking her to the Burrow.

And make it part of the main story, not some side quest lost in the timeline!

Unpopular opinion:

The opinions on Merula are so polarised that I guess everything might be considered unpopular. So hm…

All right, here’s the thing. I can’t really feel sorry for Merula about what happened in the Portrait Vault. Not because I think she deserved it or anything – absolutely not. I don’t want her to suffer either physically or emotionally. But the reason why I am not emotional about THAT scene is because it was just so… pointless and stupid. It doesn’t make sense for anything.

First of all, I can’t see it as Rakepick betraying her trust since she didn’t use her admiration for her own benefit at all. Like… ugh. If Merula didn’t like Rakepick at that point, it’d change nothing. Also, what’s the point of it for Merula’s character anyway? The game tries to tell us that she regressed because of that, but there was little to no progress, to begin with. She treated people badly before, she does it after - they’re the same picture. It didn’t even make Merula realise that she shouldn’t idolize powerful people only because they’re powerful – she’s doing the exact same thing with her “crush” on Jacob!

Favorite relationship:

Don’t really have one. To be fair, we don’t know much about Merula’s relationships. And from what we know, I’d say they’re more or less toxic, so I just can’t really call any of them my favourite. That being said, I’m quite curious about her relationship with Diego. I wouldn’t call it a friendship from what we’ve seen, but she was treating him… decently? And is it even a thing anymore? Yet another thing that could’ve been explored more.

Favorite headcanon:

Again, don’t really have one.

Charlie

First impression:

“What have I done to deserve your support?”

Impression now:

“What have you done, my boy, to be treated so terribly by the writers?”

Let’s start by saying that I still think that Charlie is arguably the most supportive of our friends overall. It’s not that the others are not, it’s just that Charlie’s role in year 4 is very prominent to me – especially when we keep in mind that Bill told us that Charlie wanted to help us already at the end of year 3, so before we (and Charlie) could’ve known that it’ll involve the Forbidden Forest. But then… something happened in year 5, and I just don’t get it. I’m still upset that they wrote him as if he had never anything to do with the Cursed Vaults if you take him to the Portrait Vault. Then, he had a pretty nice moment in year6 when he offered his help with Trelawney’s prophecy:

… and then we had a recent situation with Ben. And to be frank, I get Charlie here. In fact, it was probably healthy for him to finally “snap”. Because when you think about it, Charlie and MC have one important thing in common: they deal with emotions by ignoring them. After Ben’s attack in year 4, Charlie focused first on helping us with the Forest Vault, then on helping Ben. Right after the Portrait Vault, he focused on Bill. In year 6, he focused on his brothers, he immediately caught the opportunity to focus on helping MC with the prophecy. The only reason why he told us about wanting to leave for Romania was that MC wanted to meet with him. So yeah, Charlie has plenty suppressed emotions – just like MC does.

There’s also another problem with that scene, in my opinion. You see, while you can say: “Well, he knew what he was signing for by befriending MC”, and I can agree that he should know that… I don’t think he does. Or rather the writers don’t acknowledge that. It’s something I’m noticing more and more often since the end of year 5 (not only with Charlie). Because when you look at what Charlie said, she referenced only that: Rakepick’s betrayal and the present events. And it simply doesn’t make sense. Why it’s the escapee that he’s worried about? He should be worried that even with Rakepick gone, someone might be controlled and forced to hurt their friends. That HE can be forced to hurt his own brothers or MC. He could’ve both blamed MC for that AND be scared about that. It’d be so much more powerful and meaningful, and just cohesive with the story. And I’m just… so upset about it.

Favorite moment:

Of course, the “Egg Hunt” SQ.

Seriously, it was so good. The ending is adorable, but I really like it as the whole. It treated Charlie really well. It used his passion for dragons, but also showed him as a good friend, and we got a glimpse of his resourcefulness when it comes to earning money, for example (and his tendency to do crimes!).

Idea for a story:

Anything showing more of his personality. He’s going to basically represent the Order of the Phoenix abroad – show us this charisma. There were already some moments for that in the story, but we need more. Charlie is not only about dragons.

Unpopular opinion:

Hm, it’s sort of related to what I already said about his character being changed in year 5. You see, many people claim that Charlie was ruined in year 5 in general, from the start – and I can’t agree with that. It only happened in the second half. Compare those two scenes, for instance.

Y5Ch13 (if you’re a prefect, there’s no middle line):

And his weird concerns about going to the Prefects’ bathroom by the end of the year:

I don’t know, it almost feels like two different characters to me. Another example is the scene where we met Duncan.

(…)

Charlie’s fans complained that he didn’t react here, and he only thought about a dragon at the end. But listen, here’s a thing… Yes, it was really sweet that Bill went into defensive mode and all, but Duncan is a freaking ghost. He couldn’t do anything to MC. So yeah, of course, Charlie was focused on the passion of his life when there was no real danger. And the fact that he didn’t react to Duncan “insulting” Jacob – well, neither did Bill, because it was a conversation between Duncan and MC, and that’s how it’s supposed to be. Also, the chapter ends there, but you know what happens in the next one when we go to meet Torvus? Charlie is there with us, even though we didn’t even ask him (we were with Tulip and Merula when we decided to go there)! And that’s because the Forbidden Forest is where something dangerous might actually happen.

Just because Charlie was less present in year 5 and sometimes showed that he thinks also about himself doesn’t mean that he became a worse friend to MC or cared less about them.

Favorite relationship:

It has to be with Bill. Their bond is sweet and their interactions are often hilarious.

Favorite headcanon:

I really like headcanon about Charlie having magical dragon tattoos which move. I added to it a little that he got the first tattoo with Bill when they went together on a holiday trip around Europe. I wanted it to happen after Bill’s graduation, but it doesn’t really go along with the events of the Portrait Vault in my mind, so maybe it’d be after Charlie’s graduation.

Skye

First impression:

“Are you sure you’re not related to Oliver Wood?”

I mean, they do have a pretty similar mindset about Quidditch…

Impression now:

Honestly, I can’t say much here. I quit the Quidditch storyline right before the first match, and while I took a peek on the plot right after this and the Comet TLSQ, my experience was somewhat limited. I can say that I definitely enjoyed her the least from the new characters. I suppose she’s just not my type of a person.

Favorite moment:

As I said, I didn’t really like interacting with her, but her scenes with Orion were pretty entertaining (I know I’m cheating because it’s more about Orion than Skye, but shhh…).

Idea for a story:

Again, I don’t care about Quidditch so I didn’t give much thought to that. But I suppose it’d be interesting to see the Quidditch gang interacting with the regular gang (though I’m fairly certain it won’t happen).

Unpopular opinion:

I don’t really have an unpopular opinion on Skye, but here’s one for the Quidditch content in general: it’s pretty boring. I’m kind of biased since I wasn’t interested in that addition, to begin with, but I gave it a shot. The characters are all right, the gameplay mechanisms are not the worst for a mobile game, but overall? I’m disappointed.

First of all, it doesn’t even feel like it’s about Quidditch. I wanted them to at least pretend that some sports strategic are involved. For example, before the first match, I’d like to hear that the opposing team has a new keeper so it might be good to choose a move based on distraction etc. Anything. It always brings down to the question: “Which new character you like the best?”. And speaking of characters, while I can agree that they are well-written (mostly), I really don’t think they were needed. I’d like it much more if the time spent on their creation was dedicated to developing the ones from the main story. Finally, I wish Quidditch chapters were being released along with the main chapters, simply because with the current schedule, year 6 will last forever. It’s not really a problem for me personally, but I just don’t want to think about people whining twice as much as it was with year 5. Not to mention forgetting the plot…

The Quidditch addition was hyped as if it was the best thing to happen since the release of the game. But in my opinion, it might be the worst.

Oh, and I just thought about something more Skye related. The way they presented Parkin’s Pincer? It’s a damn foul, and nobody can tell me otherwise. You’re basically throwing off another player of their broom. Seriously, what the hell?

Favorite relationship:

With Orion, I guess?

Favorite headcanon:

I kind of go along with headcanon that she has a pretty heavy Scottish accent. I’m not sure now if I stole it from @/wilhelminafujita or I saw it circulating in more places…

#long post #hogwarts mystery #hphm #hphm mc #jacob's sibling #penny haywood #ben copper #merula snyde #anti merula #charlie weasley #skye parkin #qudditch #unpopular opinion #headcanon #about characters #analysis post #ask meme #ask #anonymous

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gotboredwrote · 5 years

Text

I’ll Keep You Alive // RMT

Pairing: Roger Taylor x Fem!Reader Word Count: 4.5K Style: One-Shot Warnings: Medical discussions including seasonal allergies/appendicitis (w/blood added in), angst, fluff, swearing Summary: Just because he’s in a band that’s doing really well doesn’t mean Roger doesn’t care about what he used to study. No, he doesn’t want to be a dentist, but he still remembers a bunch of stuff from his biology studies. Little does he know, he would be putting it to use on tour. Permanent Author’s Note: To clarify, I write because I get bored. Nothing is meant to be professional in any way, nor is meant to offend, cause anxiety, cause anger, cause sadness, or promote disagreement among readers in any sort of (semi)permanent way. A/N: Request/idea from @bensrhapsody, but changed a little bit to better fit what I feel comfortable writing (I got permission, don’t worry). Also, I have her to thank for the title partially as well because I’m a dumb dumb who can write the story but not the title. Never written for Roger before, so hopefully this is up all your alley’s, Roger-stans! (#dontcomeaftermeifitsbad #please #rememberimadeakybabe)

Masterlist

Being a roadie had its perks, sure. For one, you got to get close and personal to bands that you otherwise would never be able to afford to see live. Among other things, you got to travel the world, get in shape from moving around so much, and you got paid to top it all off. Not such a bad gig, if you were the one being asked. You had gone on one tour with Queen before, and they liked you enough to ask you to come back for a second one. Of course you took the job, it was never a dull day around the four of them. They each had such distinct personalities, and despite being literal rock gods, all four were wildly smart. Each in different realms, too. Which came in handy from day to day. Brian could tell by the look of the night sky before if the weather was going to be good or bad, John could always help with any tech that broke or malfunctioned, Freddie was a jack-of-all-trades kind of guy, so he helped out where he could, and if anyone was ever not feeling good, Roger could usually tell them what they needed to feel better easily, cheaply, and quickly. You hated feeling like a bother, but one day, you seriously needed Roger’s help, because you feared for your life.

[flashback start]

You knew first hand that Roger was really good at helping people get better when they fell ill. On the first tour you went with them, your allergies started kicking in towards the end of the tour, considering it ended in April that year. You were almost debilitated because your body was taking in new pollens and whatnot that it was not used to defending off. Your body was trying its best, but in the end, it was futile because you fell ill anyway. To top it all off, you forgot to pack your usual allergy medication, so you had nothing to help you fend off the sneezing and coughing. Obviously, you really could not hide being sick. Someone will pick up on it, whether the tone of your voice is one octave lower than usual or they hear you sneeze six times in a row. One night, it got really bad, and you were having choking fits every single time you came close to drifting into a slumber, promptly waking you up. Little did you know, you were loud enough to wake up the bandmate on one side of you, and someone from the costume department on the other side of you. The costume designer just checked up on you in the morning, not really thinking anything of the noises coming from your body. The bandmate felt differently. You coughed out of surprise when you heard someone knocking at your door at almost 2:00 in the morning. Slowly, you crawled out of bed, tossing a throw blanket around your shoulders because you felt cold to the touch despite your body breaking out in a sweat. When you got to the door and looked through the peephole, you saw a rat’s nest of blonde locks going in every single direction, leaning up sideways against the door. Before moving your hand to the handle, you knocked quietly to signal to Roger that you were going to open the door so he would not fall sideways into your room. When you looked back through the peephole, hand now on the handle, he had gotten your message and was standing facing the door. You lightly pulled it open, grimacing slightly at the bright lights of the hotel hallway.

“Hi, Roger. Why are you awake?”

“It’s your fault, love. I’m right next to you and I can hear you hacking up a bloody storm.”

“I’m sorry, Roger, it’s just my fucking allergies.”

“You sure? It sounds worse than that.” As if on cue, you hunched over into what felt like the four hundredth cough attack that night, and when you finally stopped, your breathing had turned into wheezing.

“Alright, go sit on your bed, I’ll be right back. I’ll prop the door open so you don’t have to get back up.”

Before you could ask him why he was leaving already, he was out the door, so you just trudged over to your bed, plopping down on it making it bounce lightly and squeak quietly. You were only alone for about fifteen seconds and then Roger came back in, holding a medium-sized black make-up bag. He shut your door and walked over to stand in front of your bedside table.

“Roger, I’m not sure what they taught you in biology school, but make-up is not going to make me feel better.”

“Oi, shut it. Want my help or not, Miss Sarcasm?” He spoke through a smug smile.

“Fine, yeah I want your help. What do you need from me?”

“First, I need you to tell me you trust me.”

“What? Why?”

“Are you really going to make me explain why?”

“Um, yeah. You can’t just say that and make me not be concerned about trusting you.”

“Fine. Basically, on a previous tour, one of the roadies, her name was Maria, got really sick. Like, caught the bad flu strain that was going around that year. I offered to help her by giving her some medication for the nausea and lightheadedness, stuff you can get over-the-counter, but she assumed I was going to drug her. She came about one piece of paperwork away from filing a lawsuit against me and the band. I really don’t want to go through that again when all I’m trying to do is be a nice person.”

“You know, for a drummer in a rock band, you’re pretty eloquent and thoughtful, Roger Taylor.”

“…um…”

“That’s my way of saying I trust you.”

You could hear him breathe out a sigh of relief, probably a combination of knowing he was not going to get sued as well as not having to hear you cough for much longer. He asked you to tell him what all was happening with you so he could see if he had any medication that would cover most of your symptoms. Turns out, everything you described really was just severe seasonal allergies, and he happened to have a stronger allergy medication than what you normally took. He just told you to keep the bottle and use them at your discretion. Follow the instructions on the bottle and you should be good as new within a few days.

“Thanks, Roger. You didn’t have to do this, you know.”

“I know that. But at least this way we both get some sleep, eh? I’ll let myself out. See you tomorrow, love.”

“Goodnight, Roger.”

[flashback end]

If only what you were currently dealing with felt like seasonal allergies. It was not even allergy season, it was the end of November. And the tour had just started less than a month prior. At first, you assumed that you were just having back muscle spasms. You had never experienced them before, so you just guessed this is what they felt like. When the pain first started, it started on your lower right side, and just felt like you pulled something. It went away after a few minutes and you never thought anything of it. Then it happened again, but a little bit more forceful.

“Jesus, is this what contractions are like? Count me out for that.”

Trying to make a funny situation out of the pain you were feeling was not really the smartest plan of action, but it was the only one you could come up with at the moment. The pain kept coming in waves, and each wave was worse than before. Eventually, after a few hours of dealing with the pain on your own, it stopped. Out of thin air, it just went away. Normally, that would be the kind of thing to make a person do a double take and ask themselves ‘what is going on?’ Not you, though, you were just thrilled that the imaginary back contractions were over and done with. Moving on with your day, showtime nearing, you kept doing your job, exchanging words with other roadies and the band here and there. Not once feeling uncomfortable again. You watched the show, and for the first time in four shows, nothing went wrong. All the electronics performed the way they were supposed to, Brian did not snap any strings, nor did John, and Freddie managed to keep his mic stand in once piece. Roger threw a drumstick during a particularly fast song, but you had gifted him a cup to put on his drum kit so he could keep spares in there to grab in case of such an event. It came in handy more often than he would like to admit. After the show, you congratulated the boys on another performance well done, and proceeded to travel back to your hotel room. You guys did not have to travel tonight because they had two sold out shows in a row at the venue they were at, so it was nice to have an actual bed for once. This time around though, you were on a floor that was just crew members. All the band members had rooms on the floor above you guys. Not that any of you minded, it was not like you had a reason to mind. Around three in the morning, you awoke to the feeling of those strange back contraction pains again, this time accompanied by some serious chills. Then you felt it – the pit of your stomach dropped, and you were over the hotel toilet in record time. Initially you thought that maybe this was how your body handled food poisoning, considering you had never had that before. Then you looked at what had come out of you. Bloody.

“Roger…Roger?”

You were dragging yourself up the stairwell and down the hallway to his room, calling out to him hoarsely. You knew that he would never have heard you, but you tried, nonetheless. You got to his door, knocked once, and then collapsed on the floor. Startled, Roger shot straight up in bed and sprinted to the door, only in his underwear but not caring. When he opened the door, your head fell flat onto his floor, and he could hear the strangled moans coming from your throat. He could also see the sweat pooling on your forehead, a small bit of dried blood and vomit on the corner of your mouth, and how you were hunched over in the fetal position clutching your stomach.

“Roger…it hurts so much.”

He did not even say a word. He ran over to his hotel phone, and you could barely hear him utter the address of the hotel before you passed out. The next thing you knew, you were woken up by the feeling of an IV going in your arm, as well as the feeling of a moving vehicle. An ambulance. How did you get here? Why was Roger looking at you like that? Then the waves of pain struck you again, and you remembered everything that had happened not thirty minutes prior.

“Oh…God…”

“Ms. Y/L/N, please try not to talk or move, we are trying to prepare you for emergency surgery as soon as we get to the hospital.”

“Emer…gency… surgery? For… for what?”

“Relax, love. You’re gonna be fine.” Roger’s voice broke through all the beeping and liquids sloshing around, grounding you in the scary situation. “I’m just glad you came and got me when you did.” You could feel his hand clamped around yours, sweaty. “I may know how to help with allergies, but this is out of my area of expertise, love.”

“Roger…”

“Hush, love. Try to relax. We’re pulling into the hospital now. I’ll be right by your side when you wake up.”

You tried to respond, but you felt the general anesthesia hit you, and you were out like a light. Roger watched as they moved your body from an ambulance gurney to a hospital gurney and usher you down the hallway following the signs that said “OPERATING ROOM.” He followed you as far as he could, until a male nurse held his hand out flat in front of Roger, forcibly stopping his movement and almost knocking the wind out of him.

“What the fuck mate—”

“Sorry, sir, you can’t go further than this. Please wait in that waiting room right over there. I’ll be sure to have a surgeon assistant come update you throughout the surgery.”

“But—”

“I’m sorry, sir, it’s hospital policy. If you could, please make your way over to the waiting area.”

Roger huffed angrily and full of worry, but did what the nurse told him to do. He sat down, seeing all the magazines and children’s games sitting on the tables in front of him. He was too distracted. He was terrified. The last time he knew someone who had to have emergency surgery did not make it out alive. Those two words strung together instantly usher a sense of panic into him that he does not have a way of controlling. The last thing he wanted was for you to not feel good in the first place, but having to sit face to face with the knowledge that you laying in a gurney could be the last image he saw of you was too much. He started to sob. Sobbed himself to sleep. The nurses just watched in pity.

“Sir?” Roger felt someone nudge at his shoulder, but he did not fully stir awake yet. “Sir?”

“Huh, what…”

“Sir, I just wanted to update you on the girl you came in with.”

Roger was brought back to reality when he fully opened his eyes. The bright white lights shining above him, the smell of cleanliness, and a lady in scrubs. A little bloody.

“Y/N?”

“Yes. We’re done the hard part. Her appendix has been removed successfully, before any serious rupturing happened. Some small ruptures here and there, but nothing major. Now all the doctor has to do is remove any fluid in her abdominal cavity and stitch her up. Once she’s finished, we will wheel her to recovery and bring you over to her as well. This should all happen within the next hour or so. Is that okay?”

“Yeah… yeah. Thanks for the update, I’m, uh, going to try to go back to sleep now.”

If he had not fallen into such a deep sleep, he would have had more to say. More questions for the nurse. But the nerves he had felt when he saw how broken you were earlier took all the energy out of him, and once he sat in something even the littlest bit comfortable, he passed right out. Just like you had when you hit the floor of his hotel room. Roger laid his head back down on the side of the chair, thinking of your smiling face as he drifted back into the land of sleep. Almost praying that he would get to see it again.

Like clockwork, the same nurse from earlier woke Roger up, this time less groggily, and she instructed him to follow her to the recovery area. Where you would be. The fact that he was actually walking there almost brought him to tears. He would get to see your smile again. When he was finally in the back, he saw that they had placed a chair next to your bed for him, with a few magazines. He was told that he would get to sit with you while you were still under the influence of the general anesthesia, but that you would be awake within twenty minutes. He nodded at the nurse, offering a quiet ‘thank you’ and proceeded to sit in the chair. Twenty minutes. He waited over two hours, surely, he could wait twenty minutes to hear your voice again. He could at least see you now, so… baby steps. He tossed the magazines to the floor after realizing that there was no way they could be more interesting than the woman lying in front of him. He scooted his chair forward so his knees were almost pressing against the side of your bed, and he laid his hand on what he assumed was your thigh based on your profile under the sheet. He lightly squeezed, and simultaneously the tears spilled from his eyes. Ones he did not realize were even threatening to fall, nor did he realize the reason for.

“Hi, love. I, uh… I don’t know why I’m bloody crying. But here we are. I’m sorry I couldn’t help you this time. I know you like coming to me for help when you don’t feel good, and… I feel like I just made you break your trust in me. I, uh…” Roger choked a little bit on his tears. It was not like you and him were the closest of friends. If he was being honest, there were other roadies he considered better friends than you. But for reasons outside of your control.

Then it hit him. Like a ton of bricks. There were the roadies whose names he did not know. There were the roadies who he was friends with, and the ones he had previously had a slight friends with benefits situation with. There were the roadies who made him angry. The ones who made him sad. There were the roadies he practically considered family because they had been with him since Smile. Most of these roadies, except for the ones from Smile, never came back for a second tour. Then there was you. You did not fit into any of those categories. He knew your name, he was friends with you, but not with benefits, you never made him angry or sad, you were not with him in his Smile days, and Roger was the one who wanted you to come on a second tour. You had created your own category. There was a roadie he loved.

“I need you to wake up, love. I… need to let you know that I’m gonna get you through this recovery. And that I am never going to let you get sick or hurt again, not under my watch. If you do, I’m going to make you better.”

“Is that a promise, Roger Taylor?”

The tears stopped at his head whipped in the direction of your quiet voice. Your eyes were still almost completely shut, but he could see you looking at him. His heart fluttered when he made eye contact with you, and the tears started up again.

“Yes, it’s a promise, love.”

“Good. Now, please go get me some ice chips, my throat feels like a vultures crotch (we love a borhap reference), and my stomach feels like an anvil landed on it and is somehow twisting it in all directions.”

“You got it, darling.”

You were allowed to be discharged the same day, so Roger carefully wheeled you to the taxi he called, and then slowly helped you to the elevator so he could bring you to his room.

“Roger, why aren’t you taking me to my room?”

“Didn’t I promise you that I would be taking care of you? Answering to all of your becking and calling?”

“Are you forgetting that you have a show to do?”

“And I will be helping you until the moment I have to walk onto stage, and the minute we are done, I’ll be right back here helping you.”

Roger carefully helped you lay back on his bed, almost tearing up at the sound of your groans from bending over. Once you were comfortable, with about fourteen pillows behind and surrounding you, he walked over to his phone and called room service.

“Hello, this is room 5667. I’d like to put in a request for the #6 dinner for two, and two pints of [your favorite ice cream {or other dessert if you are lactose intolerant} flavor] to be delivered ASAP. Name? Roger. Thank you.”

“Roger—”

“No words from you. I am eating dinner with you, and then I will be finding a movie for you to watch during the show to enjoy with your favorite dessert. And you cannot pay me, or try and get out of it.”

“If you insist.”

After dinner, Roger flitted about his room gathering up the things he would need to take to the show that he did not keep with the roadies, and you watched him move. Tons of people that you talked to, fans that did not realize that you worked for them, would air their thoughts on the man to you. ‘Such a womanizer!’ ‘A dirty cheater, the wanker.’ ‘Hot down to every single molecule, but not a good personality.’ At first, when you started working for them, you were afraid that they were going to be true. You thought he was going to be an asshole. And he could be. If he was truly mad. That was a very small percentage of the time, despite what people thought. All other times he was a big softie. Kind of melted your heart. Not in the ‘I have feelings for the drummer of a band’ kind of way, just at the fact that a human could be as kind and thoughtful as he was despite the bad boy nature he tried to present himself with. He stuck to your side like a golden retriever, and while you appreciated being doted on, it was a little bit funny seeing it be someone like Roger. You giggled to yourself at your thoughts.

“What’s so funny, darling?”

“Oh, it’s nothing. I promise.” You could not stop the wide grin from overtaking your features as you spoke.

“Nobody likes a liar, love. If it didn’t run the risk of popping your stitches, I would be all over you, tickling you to get the answer from you.” Very golden retriever like, that’s for damn sure.

“Okay, okay. If you must know, I was just thinking about how different you really are from the image you present yourself with.”

“Explain?”

“You present yourself as the bad boy drummer that all the girls go crazy for. And I won’t be the person who denies that it has worked for you, in more ways than one, more than once. But I’ve seen you in more situations than band ones. I’ve seen you when you’re vulnerable.” You had to stop to take a drink of water, your throat still pretty dry from the tubes during the surgery. “You really aren’t a tough guy. You’re… genuinely one of the sweetest men I’ve had the pleasure and honor of knowing. You are something else, Roger Taylor. And I feel like I haven’t seen you act the way you do around me around other roadies. Regardless of any circumstance.”

You saw the way Roger tensed at your words, but thought nothing of it. Little did you know, he was fearing that you figured out his feelings. Being the tough guy he is though, he thought of a way to dodge the words you said with a jab of his own. Luckily, he had just finished setting up your movie and getting your ice cream, so he could say it as he walked out the door.

“Well. You have the next three hours to figure out why that is, love. Expect a quiz when I return.”

He lightly placed his hand on the top of your head, ruffling your hair, electing to do something more friendly than kissing your forehead or something, as to not give anything away. And out the door he went. As soon as you heard the door close, you let out a breath you did not realize you were holding in. He had not even made it out the door before you knew what the answer to his quiz would be.

Sweaty. He was sweaty and wanted to shower. By the time he had made it to his room, his shirt had been removed he just wanted to flop down into bed and pass out. After the adrenaline of the show, his brain had completely wiped his memory of you still seated in his bed. You heard the lock of his door, but made no effort to move your head to look in his direction. As soon as you heard the door close behind him, you spoke up.

“I mean something to you, don’t I?”

Roger almost completely jumped out his skin.

“Bloody hell… Y/N, I-I forgot you were here.”

“Did I get your quiz right?”

“Wha—”

“The reason you treat me the way you do. It’s because I mean something to you, isn’t it?”

“I think you need to be more specific than that love, that could…that could mean a lot of things.”

“I don’t want to sound stupid.”

“You won’t. I promise.”

“Do… you have feelings… for me?”

Roger just stared at you, wide and glossy eyed, mouth slightly agape, trying to hid how nervous he was. Hands sweaty again.

“That’s why I promised to take care of you. I hated seeing you with allergies.” He started to cry openly. “Imagine how broken I felt when there wasn’t anything I could do for you when you were…practically dying on my hotel floor.”

You just watched him pour out his soul to you, letting him plead for you.

“And-and-and I know that you’ve probably heard the stories of me and certain fans. The women. Have I done that shit sometimes? Yeah. But ever since you’ve joined the team I haven’t. I haven’t done anything. Not even really thought about other women.”

You believed him.

“Would you ever give someone like me a chance?”

“C’mere.”

Roger made his way over to you slowly, unsure of what you were going to do. He was nervous as all hell, because he had never felt like this about any of the women he met, and he did not want to lose you. Eventually he got to the side of his bed where you were sitting, and you motioned for him to sit on the other side of you. Roger felt like he did something wrong, but when he finally plopped down onto the other side of the bed, you reached up to grab his cheek.

“I would have walked over to you and kissed you myself, but my stomach hurts too much.”

Roger laughed with his whole heart and soul. He truly did not expect you to want him back. It made waiting all this time for any form of intimacy so worth it. He kissed you with more passion than he put into his drumming. He even got a little bit too into it and started to move his down your torso, and the minute you felt his fingers below your chest, you grabbed one of the pillows situated to your side and smacked him in the head.

“Hey! What was that for? I was getting into that.”

“Stitches, wanker.”

“Oh yeah. Sorry, love.” Permanent Taglist: @bensrhapsody @chlobo6 @gardnerlangway @xtrashmammalstefx

Roger Taylor Taglist: n/a

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#roger taylor #roger taylor x reader #queen #fanfiction #fanfic #ill keep you alive #angst #medical drama #fluff

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