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deans-baby-momma · 4 years

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Once In A Lifetime

A/N: Well guys. I guess you can say I fell down a rabbit hole....DEEP down a rabbit hole. And I’m going to blame Walker. LOL I’ve always been a Jensen/Dean girl with Jared/Sam curiosity and after a dream I had a few nights ago, THIS happened. Now the dream was only the first part of this story, meeting them in a restaurant but them, while writing it took on a life of it’s own and I am not sorry in the least.

Summary: During your shift as a waitress as a restaurant in Austin, you are surprised to find two of your favorite celebrities in your section. How will that encounter cause you to have a once in a lifetime experience?

W/C: 11,138 words ( I’m not the least bit sorry)

Y/N: Your Name; Y/E/E: Your employment establishment

Warnings: ogling, fantasies, smut, p in v, fingering, v on v, oral (both giving and receiving), fisting, anal play, cum play, dirty talk, slight breeding kink, squirting, daddy kink, mama kink

"Holy shit," I exclaim before clapping my palm over my mouth as there were three adorable children in the vicinity. "Sorry. My name is Y/N and I'll be your server today," I say as I try to calm down. Jared and Genevieve Padalecki were seated in my zone at Y/E/E. "Can I interest you in some appetizers or some coloring pages and crayons for the kids?"

I can't help but glance around at the five of them. They two boys sporting the longer locks like their dad and the little girl, all dolled up with her light brown hair flowing down over her shoulders. They were three of the six most adorable kids in the world; the other three being the Ackles kids but I had yet to see them in person, only on the computer.

“We will take some buffalo cauliflower bites and some mozzarella cheese sticks with marinara,” the loveliest voice I’d ever heard spoke. I look toward Genevieve to see her smiling at me, her brown eyes sparkling.

“And-” I pause to swallow. “-for drinks?”

“Whatever is on tap for Jared, I’ll take a sweet tea with lemon and the kids will have Sprite,” she tells me, the smile on her face unmoving. ‘God she’s gorgeous,’ I think to myself as I write down the orders. ‘Jared is one lucky son of a bitch.’

I grin as I tell them I will be right back with their drinks and head toward the server area. I throw my pad down on the counter and lean against it, my palms flat against the granite. How the fuck am I going to get through serving them? I have had a crush on Genevieve since I watched Wildfire a few years ago. And then when I caught an episode of Supernatural and got a glimpse of Jared, I was in lust, for both of them.

And now I had to cater to and serve them while being professional and less of a crazy fan. Yea that isn’t going to happen. I know myself too well. I’m going to do or say something that will absolutely humiliate myself in front of the two celebrities I have adored for years.

Thanks to some tactical breathing exercises while waiting on their food and an internal pep talk, I got through serving the Padalecki family and when they asked for the bill I was a bit saddened that their visit was coming to an end. I knew I’d probably never see them again.

As I printed out their receipt I lamented the fact that the one time I met anyone famous it was at work and I couldn’t ask for an autograph or photo with them. I smiled as I gave them the sales slip and walked away.

From my post behind the server’s desk I watched as the five of them got up and walked toward the door. Genevieve looked my way and smiled and waved as they left. I returned the gesture and giggled.

After making sure the coast was clear, I approached their table to collect the payment and take it to the register. What I wasn’t expecting with the cash, was a handwritten note with a phone number on it.

‘Y/N your service was magnificent. Here’s a little tip for you and a bigger one awaits, if you are interested. (xxx)xxx-xxxx. ~Gen’

Did she really expect me to call her? Was this even her real number? What kind of tip is she referring to anyway? I look at the money in my hand to see that they have paid almost $50 more than their bill! What bigger tip than that could it be?!

I waited until my shift was over and I was in the comfort of my own vehicle before I pulled the piece of paper with the number out of my apron.

Opening the text app with shaky fingers, I typed out the response I had thought of all evening.

Hey. Is this Genevieve Padalecki? It's Y/N from Y/E/E. I was your waitress earlier.

Almost immediately my phone pings and I see that whomever I texted had responded.

Hey Y/N. Yes, it's me. Glad to see you found my note.

Yea, I did. What I can't figure out is why you left it. Did I do something wrong?

Oh sweetie no! You were the perfect hostess. Sweet, friendly, easy on the eyes ;)

Whoa, was this married woman flirting with me? This famous married woman who had an attractive, sexy, famous as well husband.

Uh, thanks.

You caught not only my eye but Jare's as well. We'd like to get to know you better. Have you already gotten off? From work, I mean. Ha!

Ok, if that isn't flirting then I don't know what is. That was definitely an innuendo, right?

Yes. I'm sitting in my car.

Wanna come over? The kids are in bed. Us adults can talk without interruptions.

Uh, okay. I'm gonna kinda need your address. I might be a fan but I'm not that kind of fan.

Gen sends me her address, along with the code to get into the gate. I realize they live in the gated community about 45 minutes away.

I look in the rearview and notice my hair is frizzy and half of it has fallen out of the ponytail it was in. I really didn't want to show up on their doorstep looking like a charity case but then again was I going to pass up the opportunity to get to know two of my favorite celebrities?

If you aren't interested we completely understand.

Gen's message breaks me out of my reverie and I look at it, deciding what the hell.

On my way now.

We can't wait to see you again Y/N!

I place my phone in the cupholder and start the car up, still in shock that I'm headed to the personal home of Jared and Genevieve Padalecki.

What universe am I in?!

I get to their house and Genevieve meets me at the door.

"Hey Y/N," she greets me with a smile. "Did you have any trouble getting in the gate?"

"No, it opened right up as soon as I punched in the code."

Gen is dressed down for the evening. Well, as dressed down as I'm sure famous rich people can be. She is wearing velour sweat shorts, probably some name brand designer and her t-shirt has the Family Business Brewery logo and name printed on it.

And here I look like a slob who can't care for herself. I so do not belong here.

"Come on in," Genevieve continues as she opens the door wide. "Jared is in the kitchen making us ladies some drinks."

"Uh, I don't know. I mean, I still have to drive home later."

"Or you could stay," she says as she takes my hand and stands right in front of me. Genevieve is just a couple inches taller than I am so we are practically face to face.

"Oh."

That's all I can say. It is glaringly obvious now what this visit is. And if I said I wasn't down for it I'd be lying!

Gen smiles as she takes her free hand and reaches behind me, pulling the tie from my hair. I feel the weight of it fall to my shoulders.

"That's better," she says then turns and pulls me further into the house.

We get to the kitchen and Jared is standing there, dressed down also in a pair of running shorts and a t-shirt. I can't stop myself as my eyes run down the length of his body.

The t-shirt doesn't do much to hide the breath of his shoulders or the bulk of his pecs, the arms of the fabric stretched tight over his biceps. As my eyes wander lower, I realize that all the rumors I'd heard about the heft and length of his 'conda were not exaggerated as I can definitely see the outline of it behind the silky material of his shorts. But what really draws my attention is the definition of his calf muscles; even relaxed they distend from his legs, the skin taut over them.

"Hey. You made it," his voice brings my attention back to his face. "I'm Jared."

"I know," I say sincerely, internally wincing at how nervous I sound. I smile to hide the uneasiness.

"Yea, I kinda figured that out at Y/E/E by your reaction," he chuckles as he hands a glass to his wife. "Gen wanted a margarita but we have some craft beer in the fridge if that is more your taste. It's really good. Our friends, Jensen and Dee, own a brewery."

"Family Business," I state with a nod. "I've wanted to go check it out but haven't had a chance, yet."

"Well, maybe we can get you a private tour sometime," he tells me with a wink. "Now, name your poison."

I settle for a Cosmic Cowboy, Jared grabs a Grackle for himself and the three of us make our way to the living room.

Their house is magnificent. There are logs, de-barked, as beams across the ceiling and even the staircase is made of the same type of wood. I'd seen it in a family picture on the internet but never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I'd be inside this home to appreciate the beauty of it.

The Padalecki's and I talk for what seems like hours. We all seem to have so much in common. Eventually I had traded the beer for one of Jared's famous margaritas, thanks to Gen's suggestion and before I knew it I was on my third one and not feeling any pain.

A smile was glued to my face and I couldn't stop giggling. I was drinking with Jared and Genevieve Padalecki! Who would have ever thought that.

Jared takes the almost empty glass from my hand and laughs at the pout I give him.

"Ok lush," he says with his own deep giggle. "If you get too drunk we can't talk about what we invited you here for."

In my inebriated state, I say words I never in a million years thought I would ever utter. "You want to fuck me."

Jared looks surprised and glances at Genevieve, which causes me to look at her as I realize what I just said.

Can you go from intoxicated to sober in less than 5 seconds? Because I just did!

"Oh my god!" I exclaim. "I'm so sorry. I have no filter when I've been drinking."

I start to fidget and prepare to be thrown out of their house. I am taken aback when Gen smiles and says, "Yes we do."

There is a trail of clothing from the top of the staircase down the hall to where we are now. My body is being held up against the wall as Jared devours my mouth, Gen's lips on my neck and shoulder.

"You are so fucking sexy," she whispers and I whimper into her husband's mouth. "You caught my eye as soon as we walked into Y/E/E this evening. I knew I wanted you and Jared agreed."

"Let's take this into the bedroom," Jared murmurs against my lips and hoists me up by the back of my thighs, urging me to wrap my legs around his waist.

He carries me into the room with Genevieve following closely behind. He lays me back on the bed and hovers over me, his body pressed tightly to mine. I can feel his erection digging into my lower stomach.

"Jared," Gen calls in a sultry, seductive voice. "Share."

Jared pushes up off of me and Gen steps between my open knees. "Let's get these panties off of you," she says and I notice that she has already removed hers plus her bra and is standing at the edge of the bed in all her naked glory.

To say Genevieve Padalecki was beautiful would be an understatement but her nude? Well it just amped up the sexiness by a bajillion. She has no hair on her pussy, shaved (or waxed) clean. Her tits are perfect handfuls with pretty little rosy pink nipples that are erect and hardened.

She has pulled her soft brown hair up into a makeshift bun and I watch as she reaches forward, her dainty fingers curling into the hem of my plain panties. Thank god I took the time before work to landscape!

She gasps as my equally shaven cunt is exposed as she pulls the garment down my legs and off my feet.

"Such a pretty little pussy huh Jared?"

Jared comes back into my line of vision and he smiles at me before his eyes trail down to look at my bare body.

"So pretty," he says breathlessly as his hands come up and around his wife, his big hands covering her tits. "Bet it tastes so good. You gonna let Gen eat you out Y/N? Let her taste that sweet box."

I nod and he tsks. "Words Y/N. Use your words little kitten."

I swallow audibly and speak. "Yes. I want Gen to eat my pussy."

Gen smiles as she turns her head and kisses Jared passionately. After a few seconds though he pulls away, and pushes her closer to me. "Get to licking, baby while I open you up."

Gen bends down and I feel her hands on the inside of my thighs close to my center. The first touch of her tongue against my folds has me moaning like a porn star. She doesn't even breach my slit, just licks up the middle and then sucks on my outer lips.

She moans and I look to see Jared has disappeared, on his knees behind her eating her out as she does the same to me. I can already feel the coil deep inside constricting. This is the most erotic sexual experience I have ever or will ever have!

When Gen does finally lick me open, she immediately wraps her lips around my clit suckling and flicking the tip with her soft tongue. I feel a finger stroking around my entrance before it enters me.

"Mmmmm," Gen moans and I open my eyes that I didn't even realize were closed. Jared is back in my line of sight, looking down as he notches his cock at her entrance.

He then places his hands on her hips and drives himself forward, burying inside his wife. Gen moans against my skin and I feel that coil tightening. I don't want to cum just yet so I brace against it, holding my release back.

With Jared's deep hard thrusts Gen's body bounces forward pushing her face closer into my pussy. She trades her finger inside me with her tongue and her thumb is rubbing circles around my clit as she licks my fluttering walls.

My orgasm is bearing down and I'm beginning to fear I won't be able to hold it back.

Jared is grunting and groaning behind her, his eyes fixate on his wife's task of fingering me and licking my clit and labia.

There is so much pressure between my legs I have to bite my lip to contain the scream that is begging to be released.

"Holy fuck!" Gen exclaims, pulling my attention to her. "Look babe. I have my whole hand inside her."

Jared's eyes travel to the spot and they widen as they take in the view. "Fuck! That is so goddamned hot."

Gen begins a soft thrust with her arm, twisting her wrist and letting her fingers hit my sweet spot. I see stars as I yell out. "I'm gonna cum!"

"Go on Y/N. Cum all over Gen. She wants it."

I let go and the pressure lessens as I feel my walls constrict and liquid squirts out around Gen's hand.

"God that was hot!" They both exclaim simultaneously and laugh. Gen bends down and begins licking and suckling at my cunt as Jared continues his hard pace.

He slaps her ass twice and then stills, groaning as I'm sure he is shooting his load inside her. Gen places her forehead on my inner thigh, catching her breath as Jared pulls out and looks down with a smile.

"Baby you are leaking so much cum it's dripping on the floor."

When Gen moves out of the way, I get my first look at Jared's massive dick. And when I say massive, I mean massive. Not only is it ginormous in length but the girth is unbelievable. How does he keep something that size hidden so well?

His hand is around the still-hard member and he looks at me as he fists up and down. "You ready?"

"Yes," I tell him confidently although inside I am not.

Gen has left the room, gone into their ensuite to clean up I'm sure. "Should we wait?" I ask hesitantly.

"Nah, she knows I plan to fuck your brains out. She'll rejoin shortly."

“Okay,” I say with a nod and watch as Jared climbs onto the bed, walking on his knees to place himself between my legs. He is still fisting his cock, the mixture of his and his wife’s release lubricating the movement.

“Can I kiss you?” he asks tentatively and I look up at him. He has one palm on the mattress beside my head and is hovering over me, but not touching.

I nod and then with a quirk of his eyebrow I remember his request, to use words. “Yes. Please kiss me Jared.”

Jared leans down and brushes his lips against mine softly but firmly. When his tongue touches the seam of my mouth, I open for him allowing him to lick into me. The kiss quickly becomes deeper, more passionate. My hands automatically reach up and my fingers entwine in the long locks on his head, pulling him closer.

Losing his balance, Jared falls on top of me, his hand that was holding him up, cupping the side of my face as we both get lost in the kiss. I can feel his moist, damp dick on my stomach and it causes me to writhe. God, I so desperately want that monster inside me!

The bed dips with Gen’s return and her hands run over the part of my skin that is visible under Jared’s large form.

“You two look so fucking hot together,” she whispers as she kisses along my neck. “Y/N, you going to let Jared fuck you? Feel that big dick of his filling up that perfect little pussy?”

I can’t answer her because Jared is still kissing me senseless so I whimper and dig my fingers into his scalp. Her words are music to my ears, the assurance and suggestion of what all he is planning to do to me all the encouragement I need. She is okay with me fucking Jared; she is actually urging it. I pull away, opening my eyes to see his hazel ones, lidded and filled with lust.

“Fuck me Jared,” I say and he smiles as he lifts himself and grabs his dick, notching it at my entrance.

“Ready baby?”

I nod and smile before saying, “More than ready.”

The stretch of my walls around his dick is a pleasured pain. It feels so good as he keeps sliding deeper in until it feels as if his tip is going to puncture through my cervix. I look down between us to see that he is to the root inside me and it makes me wetter, if that’s even possible.

Gen pinches my chin between her thumb and fingers and turns my head to look at her. “Y/N, Jared is going to fuck you like you’ve never been fucked before. Are you ready?”

“Yes,” I answer breathlessly.

Gen claims my lips with her own as Jared slowly and torturously pulls out until just the head of his dick is inside me. I feel his hands grip my hips and then he plunges into me in one swift movement. I can’t help but cry into her mouth as he sits the same fast hard pace as he had with her, his dick stretching my pussy and digging in deep.

I pull away from Gen’s mouth to yell. “HOLY SHIT! OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD!”

“Yea, you like that don’t ya?” Jared pants as he keeps thrusting into my willing body. “You like being impaled on my big dick huh?”

“Yes! Yes! YES!”

Gen reaches between us and uses her fingertip to rub circles on my clit, making that coil deep inside me tighten. I am going to be cumming any minute now, I know it. I can’t hold it back even if I tried.

“You going to let Jared fill you up. Pump you full of his cum until you’re leaking like I was? Yea, you are, aren’t you? You want to feel him throbbing and shooting his load into your womb.”

Her words make my eyes roll into the back of my head and I scream as I feel my climax bearing down. Without any more prompting from either of them, I once again feel that pressure from earlier and before I know it I am squirting out around Jared’s dick, my release splashing against his thighs.

“Fuck!” he exclaims as he ramps up his efforts and suddenly I feel the warmth of his cum and the throb of his length as he empties inside me, his grunts and groans barely heard over the blood pumping through my ears.

Jared claims my mouth again, his cock still buried deep in my pussy as it softens.

I just fucked this man while his wife watched, after having her way with me. Whose life is this?!

My eyes slowly open as I come to consciousness. I am hot, sweaty and uncomfortable and the need to pee is overwhelming. I go to roll over but am met with resistance, from both behind and in front of me. What the hell?

I fully open my eyes and take in the view. That is not my ceiling and this is not my bed. My mattress has never been this soft, even when it was new. I look down and see the ivory sheets and the maroon comforter and it all comes back to me.

I fucked Jared AND Genevieve Padalecki! I am in their bed, in their house snuggled up between them. I had sex with a married couple; not once, not twice but three times they fucked the daylights out of me. And I enjoyed every second of it.

I squirm as I feel something moving inside me, slowly making its way out of my body and sigh when I feel a clump of Jared’s cum slide out and down my ass, landing on the sheet under me. God, he cummed so hard and so much last night, filling both me and Gen up.

And as good as it felt, it tasted even better. Especially out of Gen’s pussy. I had licked it right up as it poured out of her hole and onto my lips and tongue and she reciprocated before we teamed up and took turns swallowing him down, his palms cupping the back of our heads as we knelt in front of him, licking and sucking his cock.

My bladder takes me out of my reminiscence as the urge to piss becomes palpable and I wiggle and shift until I am out from under Jared’s arm and go to crawl over Gen’s sleeping form, unintentionally waking her.

“Hey sweetie. Where are you going?” she asks sleepily and the torpor in her voice is sexy and sensuous.

“I gotta pee,” I tell her and she smiles before lifting her head to kiss me.

“Ok baby. Hurry back.”

I walk into the ensuite and quickly sit on the toilet to do my business, still reeling from the events of last night. How the hell did I end up here? And how am I going to recover from having my dreams come true? How am I supposed to go back to my normal, boring existence after such an experience?

As I finish up and wash my hands, I decide that I’m going to leave while the leaving is good. What if they regret it? What if it wasn’t what they expected? What if I was just a first choice when they decided to have a threesome? Too many what if’s and not enough answers for my taste.

I tiptoe back into their room and grab my panties from the floor, pulling them on when I realize the rest of my clothing is thrown throughout the hallway. Shit! If the kids were up and strolling around the house they would see the waitress from the restaurant in their house half naked.

“Y/N?” Gen’s voice causes me to turn my head to see her up on one elbow looking at me confused. “You’re not leaving, are you?”

“Y-yea. I think that would be best, don’t you?”

“Hell no. Get your perky little ass back in the bed,” she said authoritatively. “And take off those panties. I want to be able to touch you and caress you.”

I do as she says and she scoots closer to her husband as she pats the mattress in front of her. I climb in beside her and she promptly pulls me to her, her hand cupping my sex as she kisses along my ear. She whispers, “I’m never going to get tired of this pretty little pussy,” as she begins drawing circles on my clit and running her fingers down my folds. "Could eat it everyday and never get enough.”

I whimper at her words and she smiles against my skin. “You’d like that wouldn’t you? Me eating you out everyday, fucking you with my tongue, my fingers, my fist. Shit, I’m getting wet just thinking about it.”

Her fingers tease my opening before two of them slide inside, curling up to hit that sweet spot. My back arches off the bed as I moan. “Yea, you like that don’t you. You like me fingering you.” She scissors her digits open and closed as we both groan at the slick that has accumulated.

“Cum baby,” she urges. “Come on Mama’s hand.”

My climax comes out of nowhere as Gen sits up, propping her body with her free hand as he other works me furiously through my release. I watch her with bated breath as she removes her hand and licks her fingers clean. “Mmm, tasty.”

When she is done, she leans down and kisses me, her tongue prodding into my open lips, letting me taste the sweetness of my tang on it. I run my fingers through her hair, fisting them.

“Jesus, what a sight to wake up to,” we hear Jared’s groggy voice and pull apart, looking at him. His hazel eyes are sparkling and there is a smug grin on his lips. “I could get used to this.” Gen turns and kisses him just as passionately as we had just kissed and I hear Jared groan, knowing he is tasting the remnants of my release.

Ok, so maybe this wasn’t something they regretted. This was what they both wanted and still want and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want it too. Maybe I had been the first opportunity they’d come across when they decided to have a threesome but I’m not one to look a gift horse in the mouth. I would gladly take whatever they wanted to give.

And from the sounds and sights coming from the bed beside me, I was about to have another out of this world sexual escapade with two of the hottest people on the planet.

I’m sitting in the kitchen at the bar in my panties and a t-shirt Gen gave me drinking a cup of coffee and watching Jared move about the kitchen, cooking eggs and making toast.

A pair of slender arms wrap around me from behind, startling me. “Morning baby,” Gen purrs as she kisses my shoulder.

I tense up afraid of getting caught if one of their kids walk in. “Uh, where’re the kids?”

“It’s Wednesday. They always have a playdate with the Ackles kids on Wednesday,” Gen says as she comes around and sits beside me. “We’re good. Francine took them over and will bring them back this afternoon.”

“Oh. Okay,” I say hesitantly. I’m relieved that I don’t have to worry about being found out but I’m also nervous because the three of us are alone in the house. What exactly did they have planned?

“It’s okay sweetheart,” Jared says as he sits two plates of eggs, toast and jam in front of his wife and myself. “We all need to talk anyway. And the kids do not need to hear what we have to discuss.”

Well, there goes my good feeling down the drain. Now is when they are going to drop the bomb; tell me that it was all fun and games but they’ve satisfied their curiosity and I’m on my own. God, how can I be so dumb. What made me think that two celebrities would want me to stick around?

I push the food around on my plate as I try to come up with a way to take the blow and leave with my head held high.

“Jared Tristan,” Gen admonishes. “Look what you’ve done. You went and made her feel bad. Honey,” she says as she places a hand on mine. “It’s not bad; what we want to talk about. I promise.” She leans over and places a chaste kiss to my lips. “Now eat up so we can get to it. I think you might need your energy if I’m reading this situation correctly.”

I try my best to eat as much of the food as I can with my stomach still in knots and my anxiety level through the roof. Gen clears her plate and then looks at me, silently asking if I’m finished. I nod and clear my throat. “Yes, thank you.”

Jared grabs my hand and pulls me off the stool, dragging me toward the living room once again. Last night, this is the same exact place that they propositioned me and invited me into their bed. Now, here we are again, apparently discussing something new.

I wait with bated breath as Gen makes her way into the room, carrying her and my coffee cups, sitting mine on the table in front of me.

“First off,” she begins as she turns to look at me, one leg under her bottom. “Did you enjoy it?”

“Wh-what?” I ask in shock. Was she actually asking if I enjoyed having sex with them?

“Did you have a good time? With us?”

“Duh,” I answer cringing at my snarkiness. “Yes, I enjoyed it and I had an amazing time. And I understand if this was a one-off; something you wanted out of your systems. I get it. And I promise not to speak a word of it to anyone.”

Jared chuckles and Gen throws her head back, laughing. “Oh honey. I don’t care about that. Hell, scream it from the rooftops for all I care. We want to know if you’d like to continue.”

To say I am floored is an understatement. They are actually asking if I want to keep having sex with them? Have I died and gone to Heaven?

“Really?” I gasp. I never in a million years would have ever thought this was what we needed to discuss.

“Yes, really,” Jared tells me from the armchair. “We understand if it is too much. We, uh-” he pauses to rub the back of his neck and chuckle. “-got a little enthusiastic last night. It’s usually not that acrobatic. But yea, we want to know if you want to keep this going.”

I nod as my brows furrow and I look down at my hands, my fingers fidgeting with the hem of Gen’s shirt. How can I answer without sounding too enthusiastic or overly eager?

“Sweetie?” Gen asks, leaning down to look into my eyes. “Are you okay? Is it too much?”

The worry in her voice is what gets me. Is she actually afraid I am going to turn them down? But I have to know something first.

“Can I ask a question?”

“Sure.”

“Why me? I mean, was I just the first girl you came across once you decided to have a threesome?”

Gen and Jared both chuckle. “No baby,” Gen assures me. “This isn’t our first time doing this. We’ve had threesomes before. We, uh- should we tell her Jare?”

“She’ll find out eventually,” he answers his wife. “Go on.”

“We had a relationship with Jared’s co-star Jensen for a few months. It went really well but then we decided to end it, amicably before we all got married. He was dating Danneel but she was living in LA while he was up in Vancouver with us. And well, we fucked. Not Jare and Jen, they just uh, shared me. Although they did get close to kissing once in a competition to see who could get me off first by eating me out simultaneously.” She ends with a laugh and I look over to see Jared blushing.

“Now, that...that cannot and should not be repeated,” he says, clearing his throat. “We just got too close and our tongues touched that’s all.” He explained my unanswered inquiry.

“So, this isn’t your first time having a threesome with another guy?” I ask. “But is it a first with another girl?”

“Yes,” they both answer resolutely. “You are our first female conquest.” Gen finishes before she laces her fingers with mine. “When I saw you yesterday at Y/E/E, I liked you immediately. Even though I could tell you knew who we were you kept it professional and when I asked Jared what he thought about you, I could tell by the way he looked at you he wanted you. We both did. That’s why I left my number. Figured it’d be safer to leave mine than his in case someone else found the note.”

“It’s in my car,” I smiled at her. “I wasn’t about to throw it away.”

“See, you knew. You might have not realized you knew, but you knew me leaving you my number was a big risk.”

“So?” Jared asks as both Gen and I turn to look at him. “Is this something you can see continuing?”

“Absolutely!” I answer confidently and certain. “I will be the third wheel for you guys.”

“Oh honey, in this relationship, we are all equals,” Gen says as she smoothes her hand over my hair. “Now, let’s talk about the rules.”

The 'rules' as I soon discover aren't really rules at all. Mostly we discuss what kind of things are turn-ons and what are turn-offs.

I find out that Gen loves oral, receiving and giving, whether it be male or female. She requests to be called Mama in the bedroom and is unopposed to anal play.

Jared's turn-ons include oral as well, he loves to maintain dominance over his lovers and inquired as to whether I am opposed to that aspect. I tell him an unwaveringly no. I will submit and comply with his control.

When asked what I prefer, I shrug my shoulders. I'd never given it much thought. Sure, I'd had partners before; I wasn't a virgin by any means but to actually sit and think and come up with stuff I liked and didn't like was new to me.

"Okay," Gen says, aware of my discomfort. "Well, we know you like oral, both giving and receiving it. And you like fucking, we are very well aware of that." She continues with a smile. "Are there any positions you're more fond of than others?"

"Uh, I like doggy style," I say, feeling my cheeks heat up. Good god, I've had sex with these people and I'm getting embarrassed!

"Hey now. None of that," Gen coos. "This is a judgment free zone."

I nod, feeling more confident. "I like it when, uh...when you pulled my hair while I was eating you out. And," I turn to look at Jared. "I liked when you spanked her while fucking into her. That was hot, but not like you know, hard or a lot of smacks but...yea."

He smiles at me and nods. "Good to know kitten."

"Anything else?" Gen presses.

"Uh, nothing I can think of right now. No, but permission to revisit this if I do think of something?"

"Of course sweetie."

"One last thing," Jared announces and I turn to look at him. "Move in with us?"

When the kids come in later with their nanny, they stop in their tracks when they see me sitting on the couch with their parents, platonically of course.

The two older ones, Tom and Shep, recognize me and ask their mom why the lady from the restaurant is here while the little girl, Odette, climbs onto Jared's lap and burrows into his chest, peeking out and glancing at me.

"This is our friend. Her name is Y/N and she's going to be staying with us," Gen eases the information to the boys.

The middle child, Shep, is the first one to speak. "Does she like dinosaurs?"

Gen looks at me with joy and laughter in her eyes. I smile and tell Shep, "Dinosaurs are magnificent! My favorite is the pterodactyl. What's yours?"

The discussion between the boys and I quickly turns to which dinosaur would win if they were all in a battle to which dinosaur could survive if they were to come back alive and be in the world as it is today.

Odette finally warms up and makes her way to my side, telling me that Mommy dinosaurs have to wear makeup while Daddy dinosaurs go to work.

I had been terrified of how the kids would accept the fact that I was going to be living with them but I had nothing to worry about.

Kids are resilient though. They can adapt and adjust to just about anything. The three Padalecki kids have no problem knowing there is a new person living in their home but I also know the real talk is going to come after dinner and after Francine leaves for the evening.

Gen and I work together that night, getting the dinner dishes cleaned off and stacked in the dishwasher. Every so often, Gen would glance around and then pull me into a kiss, keeping it mostly innocent and chaste. The only thing not innocent is when her hands would roam and grab a boob or my ass or one time she ran her hand down my crotch, pressing on my clit.

Once the kitchen is cleared, the two of us join Jared and the kids in their playroom where we decide to tell them what is actually going on.

Tom and Shep were sitting on the floor playing with toy cars, making engine noises while Odette sat on her dad's lap, coloring.

"Guys," Gen speaks, getting the boys' attention. "Can you come over here for a moment. Family meeting."

Tom and Shep get up and walk to the table and stand, looking between the three adults in the room.

"Okay, you know how we have taught you all that honesty is always best? And that lying will only get you into more trouble?"

"Yes ma'am," they say in unison.

"Okay. Well your dad and I are going to be honest with you. Y/N is not only our friend, she is our girlfriend. We like her like we like each other; like Unkie Jensen likes Auntie D. And she likes us.

"You will see us-both of us- hug Y/N and kiss her just like we do each other. If you have a bad dream at night and come to our room she is going to be in bed with us. But we will always, always make room for you. You three are our littlest loves and there isn't anything in this world we wouldn't do for you.

"Also, Y/N is the boss as much as your dad and I are so whatever she says goes. If she tells you it's time for bed you don't try to haggle your way out of it. If she tells you you've had enough candy, you listen. She is the adult, you are not. You understand?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Okay. Do you have any questions?"

They shake their heads no and Gen smiles as she reaches out to ruffle Shep's hair and then Tom's.

"You can go play for another hour and then it's time for baths and bed."

The boys go back to their spots and continue their game.

"Well that went better than I was expecting," I say with a laugh.

"Our boys are smart," Jared says with an air of pride.

Odette looks up at him with a scoff, which causes both Gen and I to laugh.

"You're smart too lil O," he tells her before placing a kiss on her temple.

When it's time for baths, Tom asks that I help him so I follow him to his room where he picks out a set of pajamas and underwear. We walk down the hall to the bath and he undresses as I begin filling the tub.

"Y/N?" Tom says as he washes his hair.

"Yea?"

"Do you love us?"

"What do you mean?" I ask, trying to keep my voice even. This was not a question I was expecting from a 7 year old.

"Mommy said that you like them like they like each other. And I know mommy and daddy love each other and they love us just like Unkie Jen loves Auntie D and JJ and Arry and Zeppy. So do you love us too?"

I'm not sure how to answer his inquiry. Do I love him and his siblings? Sure, what's not to love about three of the best behaved kids I have ever encountered.

They took their Mom's news in stride, like it was no big deal that both their parents had a girlfriend, like it was normal.

"Yes, Tom. I love you and Shep and lil O. How could I not? You three are awesome," I laugh trying to break the tension. "Plus we can talk about dinosaurs without people giving us weird looks."

"Do you love Mommy and Daddy too?"

Well, there it is. The one question I was hoping to avoid because I didn't have an answer. I don't know the answer.

Do I love Jared and Genevieve? I know I've lusted after them both for years and the three of us have had the most remarkable, memorable sex of my existence, but love? Wasn't it too soon?

"I think it is time to finish your bath before you turn wrinkly like a raisin," I tell him instead.

It is only a few weeks later that those three words are shared between us.

As we are readying for bed, Gen and I doing a skincare routine in front of the bathroom mirror Jared waltz in and lifts the toilet seat, not caring to relieve himself while we are in the room.

After he finishes and he rights himself, he wiggles between us to wash his hands. We both laugh at his antics and while drying his hands he kisses Gen, telling her he loves her and then turns to kiss me.

"I love you too," he whispers against my lips and my eyes widen at his proclamation.

The whole world stills, the Earth quits spinning and the air stops flowing as he presses his lips to mine again.

"Y/N?" Gen calls to me and everything begins moving again. "Are you okay sweetie?"

"Uh." That's the only thing I can utter. Jared just told me he loves me. He just dropped those three precious words like it was nothing.

"Do you not love me? Us?" Jared asks as he pulls away and looks down at me.

My eyes well up with tears and I can't stop my body shaking if I wanted to.

"Yes," I answer with a laugh. "I love you so much!"

Jared wraps me up in a kiss again, deepening it as he bends me backwards. We pull away with smiles.

"I love you. I love you. I love you," I say repeatedly.

"I love you Y/N," Gen proclaims as she pulls me into a hug before kissing me senseless.

That night we don't fuck. The three of us make love to one another, proclaiming our love and devotion to one another over and over until we each find our climaxes together, as one.

On Friday we decide it is time to visit the Family Business Brewery to stock up on some more beer since the supply at home is getting low.

I'm nervous as hell as today I get to meet Jared and Gen's best friends and former lover. Jensen and Daneel and the kids have been away, up in the north visiting family and now they are back and the plan is to hang out at FBB to let the kids play on their playground.

The Ackles know that Jared and Gen have someone they want them to meet but as I find out on the way there, they have no idea just what I am to the Padalecki's. They just think it's a new friend.

As we pull up, the parking lot is half-full with vehicles and people milling about ready to go inside and sample some the craft beer that is brewed onsite.

I look toward the building and immediately can make out Jensen's silhouette. Probably because of the crowd that has amassed around him. Being one of the main characters on the country's hit sci-fi show and part owner of this place drew a bigger crowd to the brewery than the alcohol did apparently.

I notice that over half of the guests have some type of Supernatural paraphernalia, be it a t-shirt, a purse, or just a photo or something they hoped to get autographed.

The crowd finally disperses and Jensen finally makes his way to us, a smile on his face and a beer glass in his hand.

"Hey guys. Glad you could make it. Dee is inside helping Gino run the bar since we are down a person," he explains and then his eyes narrow in on me. "Hello. I'm Jensen."

"Y/N," I say with a nod.

"Jay, this is our girlfriend." Gen tells him and I watch for his reaction. He is one hell of an actor because other than a quick widening of his green eyes, he fixes his face into one of nonchalance.

"So, you're still…..doing that?" he asks lowly before taking a drink of his beer.

"We hadn't for a while," Jared speaks up. "Since you but yea, we now share a girlfriend."

"Nice," Jensen smiles but I can tell it's not a happy-for-you one; it's more forced, more strained.

Daneel finally comes out to join us and Gen introduces me much the same way she announced me to Jensen.

"Oh wow!" Daneel exclaims. "I, uh, didn't know you two were into that sort of thing."

So apparently she had no idea that a few years ago, Jensen had been in my position. Good to know as now I can be more aware of what to say and what to keep to myself.

The day is nice in the grove where the brewery is located. The heat from the sun is abated by the gentle breeze that flows through the trees.

Jared and Jensen, and sometimes Gen get pulled away a few times by excited fans asking for pictures of just to chat, leaving Daneel and I watching the kids.

I can tell she is dying to ask questions so once there is no one close by, I turn to her and tell her. "You can ask."

"Oh thank god! It's been killing me. How does it work? Do you all sleep together? Have sex together?"

I smile at her questions. And with living with the Padalecki's I have come to also believe the truth is better than lying philosophy.

"We love one another and we work together raising the three most amazing kids I've ever met. Well, until now; the Ackles kids are pretty fantastic." I pause to smile at her. "Yes, we share a bed each night. Sometimes I'm in the middle, sometimes Gen. It just depends on who needs the assurance and safety net the most.

"And yes we have sex together. As with the sleeping arrangement, we take turns on who is between the other two. Sometimes Jared fucks Gen while she eats me out and sometimes I eat her out while being whaled on by the big moose."

Daneel throws her hands up and shakes her head. "Okay. Okay. I'm sorry I asked. That was a visual I did not need. And now it's stuck in my head."

She storms off and I can't help but laugh at her reaction. I mean, she asked after all. I just hope I didn't ruin her friendship with my lovers.

Later that night, when I tell Jared and Gen about it they laugh and assure me that it's nothing Daneel won't get over; that she just probably will never ask me anything ever again.

Over the next few months, I learn just how close the Padalecki's and the Ackles' are as we tend to spend every holiday together and attend each other's kid's birthday parties.

Daneel continues to be cordial to me but doesn't inquire any further into my relationship with Gen and Jared.

That may also be because after paparazzi got a photo of Gen and I at the store holding hands and ran with the story that Gen and Jared were obviously on the splits, the three of us sat down to an interview with People magazine and told the world that the Padalecki's marriage and relationship was still going strong and made it known that they were also in a relationship with me.

After that, the buzz of it all settled down and everything went back to semi-normal. There would be some gossip on the internet about us or we'd received unmarked mail containing threats of damnation but, with the help of my girlfriend and boyfriend, I learned to let it all slide.

People would always have their opinions. I just had to get used to them being different than my own. The world wasn't going to stop turning just because I was in a relationship with a married couple.

A year to the day that Jared and Gen had entered my life when they visited Y/E/E found us all in the kitchen; Jared and Gen sitting at the counter while I cooked us an anniversary dinner.

"Can you believe it's been a year?" Gen says as I pull the roasted chicken from the oven. "One year since we decided to go out to eat and run into the most beautiful human we've ever seen."

"A year since you left your number on a piece of paper before we left and waited patiently for her to call," Jared continues. "One whole year of the most magnificent mind-blowing sex of my life!"

"A year since I thought you leaving your number was a prank or a mistake but texted it anyway. A year of….hell, the best year of my existence, " I tell them as I plate up the chicken, pasta and asparagus before turning and placing their plates in front of them.

"I love you both so much."

"We love you equally," Gen says before we set about eating the dinner I cooked.

The kids were staying over at the Ackles' so we had the house to ourselves.

Jared cleared the kitchen after dinner and dessert while Gen and I went up to the bedroom to get ready in our matching lingerie that we purchased special for the occasion.

"Jared is going to flip when he sees us," Gen says as she comes up behind me in the mirror. "Fuck, are we lucky. Sweetie you are absolutely gorgeous. I can't wait to pull this off of you," she says kisses my shoulder, grazing her teeth across my skin. "With my teeth."

I shudder at the thought and reach back tangling my hand in her hair, kissing her passionately.

"Same goes for you darling," I tell her as we hear Jared coming up the stairs.

Gen and I rush to get on the bed, laying back in nothing but lace and silk waiting for Jared to enter the bedroom.

"Fuck. Me!" he exclaims as he walks in and sees us. "God damn, baby girls, you're going to give this ole man a heart attack," he says, removing his shirt and unbuttoning his jeans.

As we both promised, we put a show on for Jared; disrobing one another with nothing but our teeth and lips.

Gen finally squirts after I bury my face in her sweet cunt, licking all around with my fingers knuckle deep inside her. Her breathing is labored as I pull away, leaving my fingers wiggling inside and turn my head to kiss Jared.

He groans as the tang of her juices mixed with my taste floods his mouth and I begin fingering Gen again, feeling her walls fluttering and quivering around them.

"You like that Mama?" I ask as I pull away from my boyfriend. "You want more? I can recreate our first night."

"Fuck yes!" Gen screams. "Fist me baby."

I curl my fingers down and work my closed fist into her sopping wet pussy easily, twisting my wrist as she writhes above me. I lean down and suck her clit between my lips, flicking the nub with my tongue.

"Shit! I'm going to cum again," she pants and I take my fingers and press against her sweet spot. Her thighs clamp around my head as she climaxes.

Jared walks around behind me and I feel the swath of his tongue lick from my clit to my entrance and up to my ass. It isn't the first time he's ate me like that and it is erotic and obscene and I love it.

When Jared's tip notches at my opening, I wiggle my hips and he slaps his palm down on my asscheek. I moan as I lay my forehead against Gen's leg. Jared spanks me once more before he slams into me, burying his whole length in one thrust.

"Oh fuck! Yes!" I yell out as he begins a pounding pace. His hands gripping my hips tight enough to leave bruises.

Gen finally recuperates enough to join in, kissing me senseless and whispering not-so-sweet nothings in my ear.

"Jared is fucking you real good ain't he? You're taking all that cock. You gonna let him put a baby in you? Yea you are, aren't ya? Get all big and round with a Padalecki growing in you. You want that? You want Jared to cum deep inside and impregnate you?"

"Uh huh," is all I can muster as Jared keeps pounding into me from behind, his balls bouncing up to slap my clit.

"Jared, put a baby in our baby girl. Fill her little pussy up."

"Yes Daddy. Please," I say, finally getting my voice. "Please daddy put your baby in me."

"Oh god. Yea, I can do that. I can definitely do that."

"Mama?" I call out to Gen who lays down to meet my eyes. "Are you sure? This is what you want?"

"Yes baby. I want to watch you grow our baby inside you. I love you sweet girl. And I know you'll be the best mom, you already are to Tom, Shep and O."

She smiles before capturing my lips with hers, wrapping her hand in my hair and tugging, making me whimper and whine.

Jared stills behind me as I feel his dick throbbing and spurting, filling me with his cum and hopefully getting me pregnant. It seems to go on and on before he finally slumps and pulls out of me, only to prod his softened dick back inside and thrusts, making sure the release goes where it needs.

If we made a baby together tonight or not, I know these two beautiful people, my lovers, will be here with me through the celebration or if need be, the act of trying until we succeed.

Six weeks later, I find myself peeing on a stick. I haven't told anyone but my period is about 8 days late and I've always been regular.

I wait for the timer to go off on my phone, staring at the test laying facedown on the sink. Am I pregnant? Am I just late? But then if that's the case, why am I late?

The device dings and I hesitantly reach for the test, turning it over to find out the result.

As I walk down the stairs, I hear my family in the front room laughing and just being goofy, none of them aware of what I hold in my hand. The small thin piece of plastic that is going to change everything.

I stand at the doorway and just watch the five of them. I love them all so much and am grateful that they are now a part of my life. The kids accepted me and made me feel welcomed and loved from the very beginning and now they sometimes call me Mommy Y/N. It warms my soul when they utter those words.

Jared and Genevieve. I never thought I could find a love like I have with them. It is an all-consuming love. They are so kind, caring and generous. The three of us are in love and we are about to bring another life into the mix.

“Hey guys,” I call out getting their attention. Shep runs and wraps his arms around my waist and lays his head on my stomach, like he knows his new little brother or sister is growing inside me. But that can’t be, I haven’t said a word to anyone much less the kids.

I ruffle his hair and he looks up at me with a smile. “Why don’t you go sit on the sofa with your parents?” I request. “I have something to tell you all.”

“We’re having a baby,” I announce, not wanting to drag this out. I am happy, ecstatic even and I am hoping, ok I’m pretty sure this news will be accepted with joy.

“What?” Gen exclaims, a smile blossoming on her face. “Really?”

“Yea,” I answer as I hold up the pregnancy test with the two bold blue lines. “I’m pregnant.”

Gen gently lifts O off her lap and jumps up, rushing to hug me and pulling me into a kiss. We’ve never hidden our relationship from the kids so to see their Mom and I kissing is no big deal to them.

When she pulls away, Gen looks at me with tears in her eyes. "We're having a baby?"

"Yea we are," I tell her, my own tears making themselves known.

Suddenly Jared is pulling us both into his chest, his long strong arms holding us close.

"Where's the baby?" O asks as she looks around and in the floor. "I wann' see it."

We laugh as we break apart, going to join them on the sofa.

I pull O onto my lap while Gen holds Shep and Tom is propped on his Dad's knee.

"The baby isn't born yet," I explain to my daughter. "He or she has to get big enough before it can come live with us. Right now, it's just a tiny little bean."

"I wann' see it," she repeats and I chuckle as I maneuver her around to straddle my thighs. I lift my shirt, exposing my stomach and take her hand to place under my belly button. "The baby is in here, nice and warm and growing.”

Lil O’s eyebrows fuse together as she stares at the place her hand is and then she says, “Can I play with her when she gets here?”

I laugh and hear Gen and Jared chuckle.

“Of course you can sweetie,” I tell her. “But maybe not when she first gets here, she’ll be itty bitty.”

“She?” Jared says and I look at him. He practically has stars in his eyes with glee.

“Well O called it a she so I just ran with it. Who knows, it could be a boy,” I say with a shrug.

“I want a tyrannasaurus,” Shep declares.

“Geez buddy,” I laugh as I look down at him. “You want me to explode? The baby is in my belly and you want it to be a dinosaur?”

“No, I wasn’t thinking about that,” Shep says, his voice remorseful.

“Hey Sheppy? It’s okay. I was just joking with you.”

“Okay,” he says as he reaches over and puts his hand on my stomach beside his sister’s.

Before I know it I have three little palms against my skin, along with a slightly bigger one and a huge one over top of all of them; my family silently welcoming and loving on the new addition.

By the time Tom’s birthday comes around, I am huge! Gen had warned me that Padalecki’s were big babies but this is outrageous. I can't see my feet at all and need help to get out of bed every morning. This little one is making my life miserable but I know in the end, it will all be worth it.

We had decided against finding out the gender, mainly because I was still leery about how correct those results could be. So the five of us have begun referring to the bump as Baby P. And right now Baby P was kicking my kidneys and punching my liver.

I still have almost a month before my due date of April 11 and it seems as if time is slowing down. Every day is a hurdle to get through, with being 8 months pregnant and still trying to help out around the house and do my chores, though both Gen and Jared have fussed at me for doing too much. But I’m pregnant, not disabled.

We’ve planned a barbeque party for Tom’s birthday and invited most of his friends from school, plus the Ackles and the Morgan’s and a few others from Jared’s time on the show. Both sets of grandparents are going to be here also, so it would definitely be a full house.

I am upstairs in the bedroom, trying to slide my sandals on but having trouble since I can’t see anything. Jared walks in while I huff and try again, only to push the shoe farther away.

“Hey baby,” he says gently. “Let me help you.”

“This is ridiculous,” I whine as he lifts my leg and slides the leather onto my foot. “I can’t do anything but waddle around, running into things and just getting in the way. I’m an annoyance to everyone. Maybe I should just stay up here.”

“You hush that right now,” he admonishes me, standing up to tower over me. “You do not annoy anyone. You do not get in the way at all. You are pregnant, carrying my baby. You’re beautiful, baby girl. I love watching you, knowing that’s my child inside you; a life we created out of our love.” He tugs a stray hair behind my ear and tilts my chin up. “I love you. Gen loves you. Tom, Shep and O love you. We all love you and we love this baby. So get over yourself and get that cute little ass downstairs to celebrate our son’s birthday.”

“Cute and little is not how I would refer to my ass,” I retort with a smile. “I look like a Kardashian.”

“Mmhmm,” Jared mumbles as he leans down to kiss me. “More to spank.”

I chuckle as I tiptoe to kiss him and then turn to head downstairs to join my family and greet our guests.

The party is in full swing as most of the adults sit in lounge chairs, talking and catching up while Jared and Jensen man the grill and the ladies are in the kitchen gathering up the condiments and sides.

I have been commanded to stay in my seat and ask for anything I need. Jared went as far as to tell me if he saw me on my feet, he would spank me in front of everyone. And as much as I love him spanking me, that was something that no one else needed to see so I kept my promise, only asking that he give me a bottle of water for my stay.

Everyone seems to be having a good time; the kids are enjoying the gigantic bounce house that we rented and sat up in the backyard, the adults congregate on the patio talking and laughing and waiting for food.

I look around with a blissful heart at the family and friends I have acquired since becoming Jared and Gen’s lover. No one seems to bat an eye anymore about our relationship and took it at face value and that made me very happy. Sure, there were a few things still being said on the internet but those people don’t matter to me. What matters to me is the ones here today, celebrating our son’s birthday.

A pain shoots through my body but as soon as it appears, it disappears so I think nothing of it and go back to watching Tom, Shep, JJ, and a few of their friends from school run around the yard playing tag. It’s a good day.

That good day turns when later that evening while the ones of us that are still lounging around, mostly family, my water breaks. Gerald and Sherri, Jared’s parents, stay at the house with the kids as Gen, Jared and I rush to the hospital.

In the early morning hours of March 18, we welcome Delaney Grace Padalecki, a whopping 9 pound 12 ounce baby girl.

I thought I knew what love was, what love is but until I looked into my daughter’s eyes, I had had no idea.

Love is infinite. Love is encompassing. Love is the glue that cements us all together. And I have found that with Gen and Jared and their-our-kids and now with Delaney. There is no way my life could be any richer. A once in a lifetime encounter gave me love and a family.

THE END

@lostinaseaoffictionalbliss @spnbaby-67 @tftumblin @sea040561 @delightfullykrispypeach @larajadeschmidt13 @atc74 @vicariouslythruspn @squirrelnotsam @death-unbecomes-you @sandlee44 @blacktithe7 @hoboal87 @mogaruke @deanwanddamons @supraveng @deandreamernp

#jared padalecki #Genevieve Padalecki #reader insert #Padalecki kids adorableness #Once In A Lifetime #a story from a dream #smut #fluff #smidge of angst #pregnancy #so much smut #S.M.U.T.#i'm not even sorry #down a rabbit hole #NOT SPN

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anti-social--princess · 4 years

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2021.01.02 - a reflection of the best selling Japanese album nearly 22 years later

So this is my latest iteration of attempting to blog about music. Thanks for looking. Let’s get down to business. I kept languishing over what the hell to post about for my first entry in this blog, and it came to me this morning as I was info-dumping to a friend about Hikaru Utada and her debut album First Love (because we were watching Gravitation -- a first for her -- and I had flippantly remarked that Ryuichi Sakuma’s successful USA career was unrealistic and my explanation used Hikki’s disastrous attempt at a USA career for a prime example). Why not reflect on this album, even though clearly so many others have waxed endless about it?

I was 15 years old when I discovered this album -- the same age as Hikki when she released it in 1999. I was 15 in 2005, and to put it simply, exploring the world of Japanese music back then was really something. Newbies have it too damn easy these days. But I digress. And I think it’s important to highlight that bit about being 15. I simply saw her as a musical genius -- more so because I learned that is the all-time bestselling Japanese album and she was my age when she made it. And that simply threw young me for a whirl. Ayumi Hamasaki was my favorite person back then (and she still is, 15 years later), but I couldn’t deny Hikki’s “inherent” artistry.

Now, as I tumbled through my 20s, I had a problematic tendency to regress into a more immature state of mind and follow what some of my friends in the jpop fandom were saying about this album. Which is to say, they derided this album and considered it beyond overrated. At age 30, I have seen the error of my ways, and while I don’t venerate it as I did when I was a bright-eyed teen, I still regard it as a pretty damn great album. And it’s one of few jpop albums that my mom can listen to all the way through without complaints, which is great for me since it’s often a struggle to reach a middle ground with my mom about my niche interests, haha.

To someone growing up and forming their musical taste during the Y2K era (late 90s/early 2000s), the sound of First Love is really nothing special at the end of the day. Hikki was simply chasing a rising R&B trend in Japan and copying the current American R&B trends to put her own twist on the Japanese trend. She ended up setting the standard for that era’s Japanese R&B scene. Mai Kuraki a year later would try and capitalize on it with her own debut album delicious way, and it kind of worked--that album is in the Top 10 bestselling Japanese albums. MISIA was better equipped to become successful and to this day remains one of Japan’s R&B icons. I could go on with the impact, but anyway!

Being from the perspective of a 15 year old girl, I feel, is what makes this debut album so remarkable, all things considered. The debut single, and respectively the opening track of the album, Automatic is an extremely catchy, timeless bop about, well, catching feelings for someone. It’s also one of the rare occasions where I actually enjoy the first single of an album cycle being the first song on an album (a pop music practice that aggravates me and in my opinion, it has hurt the long-term success of many pop albums because of the general public’s short-term memory and tendency to buy a CD for “that one song”). In My Room is a comfy little mid-tempo further exploring the experience of catching feelings. It’s more or less a universal experience for a teenager. However, this becomes more apparent when you take in everything about the title track, First Love. It’s a beautiful, relatively simple yet impeccably produced ballad about her first major heartbreak. A lot of comments over the years have mentioned her shaky voice is a turn-off for them but I think it works and it’s why I kind of sit there stoic when I hear a more competent singer cover it (and I have heard MANY covers of this song, it’s ridiculous how often it gets covered to this day) -- the competence just doesn’t fit for a song like this. Heartbreak when you’re 15 is like the freaking end of the world and you don’t know how to unpack it, and you have to figure out how to keep it together. Keep it cool, ya know. The inexperience is what makes it. Which is why it’s frustrating to hear songs like Amai Wana ~Paint it, Black and B&C at my age because she just sounds so obviously trying to act like a grown-up when she’s very much still a child.

Sometimes the attempts at sophistication worked in the album, though. Never Let Go is another simple mid-tempo that samples Sting’s work, and as someone who grew up with a mother whose favorite band is The Police and also loved Sting’s solo work (I’m more partial to his solo work, myself), I can’t help but enjoy it. Her voice here is just so cute. And it’s an earnest cute, not cutesy for the sake of it. Another Chance is an example of how you can take a song about heartbreak and polish it with a dance-style backing track and it just works. For a more contemporary example, I’d recommend Kesha’s Dancing with Tears in My Eyes and Rina Sawayama’s Tokyo Love Hotel (the bonus to listening to this one is that Rina is a huge fan of Hikki so you can easily hear her influence on it).

However, there’s moments in the album that test my patience. Movin’ on without you is a little too polished and slick, and Hikki honestly just sounds like she’s dissociating throughout the song, which is a pity considering it’s sandwiched between two strong tracks and the lyrics give the impression of confidence. Ayumi Hamasaki’s cover of it in 2014 is vastly superior, personally. She had the aid of the renowned producer RedOne (you would know him best for working with Lady Gaga) and a more natural tendency to sound genuinely confident. Give Me A Reason is just simply too long even though the production and vocals are fine. There was no need for it to be nearly 6 minutes long.

The kicker about First Love and Hikki’s career overall is that she was more or less pressured into it. Her father Teruzane Utada was a big-shot producer and her mother Junko was a legend in her own right in the enka scene as Keiko Fuji. This also explains why the album sounds really good. She admitted in later interviews in her 20s that she was doing music because she felt there wasn’t any other choice for her in life. No wonder she took a 6-year hiatus to recoup. She just wanted to feel like a regular person.

And I think, again, Hikki being 15 is why people were so infatuated with the album. The general public saw her as a young musical prodigy. It also calls to attention the misguided impression most people have about the concept of talent and prodigies: the impression that talent is natural and practice/access aren’t necessary to make it in the industry. Hikki has skills as a musician, no doubt, but it’s not because she was born with it. She grew up surrounded by musicians. She had access to practice and the tools needed for success. This is not to dismiss her artistry in any way; I am merely pointing out her privilege. And what did this privilege gain her? She’s a legend.

Certainly, in 2021, no other album will ever top the smash success and sales of First Love. But they can damn well try. And really, who can blame anyone for chasing the halcyon days of an era long-gone from the music industry?

#utada hikaru #jpop #music #宇多田ヒカル

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gale-gentlepenguin · 5 years

Text

ML Fic: Soulmate Survey Part 4

(Original idea here)

(Master post)

_______________________________________________________________________

The rest of the school day was a blur for Marinette. She felt like she was practically floating through her classes. Sure her notes might have suffered, but thankfully Alya was more then willing to share hers.

Marinette practically skipped home as she greeted her parents at the entrance.

“Hello my little macaroon, How was school?” Her papa asked as he pulled out a tray of freshly baked bread.

“It was wonderful.” Marinette singsonged.

Her father put the tray down. Hugging his daughter and handing her a macaroon. Marinette smiled at her baker dad and thanked him before running up to her room.

Marinette went up to her room and jumped for joy. Her red Kwami companion flew out of her jacket.

“Can you believe it Tikki? Adrien said he was happy that we were compatible! He does see me as more then a friend.” Marinette swooned.

“It appears that one little app has a way of changing one’s perspective on things. I am happy for you Marinette.” The red kwami spoke as she flew to hug Marinette’s cheek.

“Life is full of surprises and small things can make big changes, you are a prime example of that Tikki. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be able to be ladybug.”

Tikki smiled at the comparison.

“You flatter me.” Tikki giggled.

Marinette pulled out her phone and opened the app. Smiling as she looked at her compatibility list. Adrien’s picture right beside the number 1 and the ‘100%’ compatibility. It was such a beautiful sight.

Marinette knew it was a bit early to be super excited but she couldn't help but feel a little excited as she felt her mind filled up with possible future scenarios of what it would be like dating Adrien.

Walking through the park and getting ice cream, playing video games, having Adrien model some of my in progress designs, us having dinner with mama and papa, kissing in a movie theater. Oh and i would need to tell chat noir that I was in a relationship and he would need to cut out the flirting.

Marinette found that thought snap her back to the real world. Tikki noticed her change in expression.

“Marinette?”

The designer moved to her bed and sat down. Her mind replaying that thought.

She would have to tell chat noir.

She doesn't want to string him along, and she has been saying that she had feelings for another guy. This shouldn't be bothering her as much as it was. She wasn't a fan of his constant flirting especially during an akuma battle ... but there were also those moments, when he dropped the flirty attitude, when he was genuine and sweet, the moments when he would do anything for her, the moments where he showed why she and him made such a good team. It was in those moments that seemed to pop up more and more that made her... question her feelings about him.

But she knew that she was still in love with Adrien however, she still didn't want to break his heart. The cat was a good guy and a good partner. She would need to tell him the truth if things did happen between her and Adrien, it was only right.

“What I am gonna tell Chat noir?” Marinette asked more to herself then to her Kwami.

Tikki paused. Of course that was a factor. Marinette wasn't aware of the truth. But it wasn't like she could tell Marinette that Adrien was Chat noir, even though she really wanted to.

“I am sure that when the time comes, everything that needs to happen will happen. Who knows, maybe chat noir is using the app and ends up finding someone he is compatible with. There is still plenty of time before anything needs to be said.”

Marinette smiled a bit, Tikki did have a point. Maybe the cat would find someone. She would want that person to treat him well, so when they do reveal their identities, she will make sure that girl will be a good person. Maybe she and Adrien can go on double dates with chat noir. Of course Marinette realized she was getting ahead of herself again.

“You’re right Tikki. I am getting a head of myself. It might also be too early to assume that Adrien and I do remain 100% compatible or even at the top of the other’s list. I guess I was just happy there was a chance.” The ladybug Kwami nuzzled her chosen’s cheek.

“Regardless of outcome, app or not, wherever your heart goes will be somewhere wonderful.” Tikki promised.

_______________________________________________________________________

“You know looking at that screen for too long is bad for your eyes.” a black cat Kwami commented.

Adrien was laying on his couch as the news played in the background. he wasn't really paying much attention to the world around him.

Adrien hardly even remembered getting home, the day was pretty much a blur after his talk with Marinette. His conversation with her replaying in his mind. His eyes looking at the open app at his compatibility list. Marinette’s picture right beside the number 1 and the ‘100%’ compatibility. The more he looked at it, the more he kept finding himself thinking it fit.

“Adrien? Earth to Adrien?” Plagg flailed his arms as he tried to get Adrien’s attention.

The model smiled as he started to think about all of the things that could happen if she and him started dating.

Double dates with Nino and alya, Going out for ice cream in the park, going to those charity events that father funds but never attends, Marinette cheering me on in my fencing matches. maybe she could even join in on learning Chinese with me. Marinette did say she wanted to learn more and having someone learn with me would be pretty great. Going to the movies together and kissing... But what about ladybug.

Adrien felt his thoughts snap back to the real world where he noticed Plagg trying to get his attention.

“Hello? Earth to Mr. oblivious! Can you hear me.”

“Plagg, what am I gonna tell Ladybug?” Adrien questioned as his smile began fading.

Plagg stopped his attention seeking.

“Oh, so when you want to talk now you want to listen.” Plagg rolled his eyes.

“Sorry Plagg, what were you going to say.” Adrien apologized. Adrien sat up to listen to his Kwami companion.

“Can you get more of that cheese with the orange rind? That one is Delicious.” Plagg inquired.

Adrien sighed.

“Sure, I will put an order in this weekend.”

Plagg smiled.

“Okay, now what were you saying about Ladybug? Weren't you convinced she Marinette was Ladybug because of that whole soulmate bit?” Plagg commented, but then realized he might be implying Marinette is ladybug and quickly spoke up again. “Which is not to say that I am saying it is or is not her.”

“I know Plagg. It would be amazing if Ladybug and Marinette were the same person, but with my luck, it is likely not the case. It is already beyond my normal luck that someone I know is 100% compatible with me, and its someone as wonderful as Marinette.” Adrien answered.

“I have been chasing Ladybug for so long. I want to hold out hope that maybe she would come to fall in love with me. But I think I can't ignore the possibility that Ladybug is stuck on that other guy. I am gonna need to tell her I am giving up my pursuit.”

“Wow, don't you think thats unnecessary? Why not just not mention it while you date Marinette in case things don't work out with Marinette?” Plagg points out.

“Plagg, its Marinette were talking about, she is an amazing person and I doubt I would ever want to not date her. The only way it wouldn't work out is if I messed up badly, like not giving up on Ladybug. It wouldn't be fair to Marinette that I am leaving a part of my heart for Ladybug. Thats why what happened with Kagami in the Ice rink went so shaky, I didn't let go like I thought I did. So I need to let Ladybug know the truth.” Adrien explained.

Plagg nodded. He understood how Adrien had this mindset of being 100% into something or was not interested at all. He rarely half-assed things if ever. Fencing? 100% invested. Piano? 0% only plays because his mother did and his father wants him to continue. Adrien was someone that when he can be emotional, he was all for it. It was part of what made him a great chat noir.

“Alright, but you do still have time before then. So you don't need to worry so much yet. Just relax and let things happen how they happen.”

“I think you are right Plagg, I will let things happen as they happen. No need to push yet.” Adrien said relieved.

“Yup, the best option is usually the one that requires no effort.” Plagg advised.

“I don't think thats always true.” Adrien disagreed.

“Things would be less complicated if you just relaxed more.”

Adrien was about to respond, but his phone buzzed. He looked to see a text from Nino.

‘Dude, did you get the Soulmate searcher App? Alya mentioned you would try it out’

Adrien responded

‘Yea’

‘Nice dude! so who did you get on da list? Can you snap a pic?’

Adrien Paused. It was a private list, He really shouldn't be sending it out. But it was Nino and Nino can keep it a secret.

‘Promise not to share it with anyone?’

‘Alya too?’

‘Alya can know but no one else? Promise’

‘Bros honor’

Adrien hesitated for a moment. But he trusted Nino. He took a screenshot and sent Nino the pics.

Plagg looked at Adrien.

“You might want to wrap up that conversation.” Plagg answered as he pointed to the tv.

Adrien looked to see the news was reporting an Akuma attack.

“Plagg Claws out!”

_______________________________________________________________________

“Thanks for watching Chris for me on such short notice. I really wanted to check out that sale on new headphones and Chris isn't exactly feeling so great. I don't want to drag him out of bed when he is feeling like this. You are really clutch right now Lila.” The Dj praised

“Its no problem at all. Thanks for letting me borrow your phone to message my mom. Mine really needs to charge right now.” Lila replied

“You are really doing me a solid. Just let me know when your mom responds.” Nino assured. “I am gonna let Chris know you will be watching him for a bit.”

“Of course. Take your time.” Lila assures.

She was was watching the phone closely. Waiting for Adrien’s response.

A minute passes and the picture shows up.

The brunette smiles as she forwards the 2 photos to her phone from Nino’s phone and then deleting the exchange between her and Nino. She covers her tracks. Deleting the messages between Adrien and him after sending a.

‘Nice, we can talk about it tomorrow.’

She smiles as she closes the phone.

“I am all done.” Lila calls out.

Nino walks back in and happily takes his phone, unaware of the events that just transpired.

“Hope you get a good deal.” Lila exclaimed as she waved Nino off. The door closes and Lila smiles.

She goes to her phone that had been charging.

“Now lets see where Marinette is on this list.”

Lila clicked the photo and started at the bottom of the list. The first photo was the bottom half of the list.

“She isn't below the top 5, this might be a bit of a pain.” Lila groaned.

Lila still felt confident,

So what if Marinette ranked in the top five. I just need to find the number one person and copy their answers and beating that annoying pigtailed pest will be easy.

Lila clicked on the other photo to look to see who was on it.

“Kagami is number two? Ugh! Another pain to deal with later. But wait, Marinette isn't anywhere below the second spot... No...”

Lila looked at the first place spot and her eyes went wide and her jaw dropped. Marinette was at the TOP. She was ranked number one? And just when Lila thought it couldn't get any worse, she saw the compatibility percentage.

“No way...” Lila dropped her phone.

“You have to be Fucking kidding me!!” Lila screamed loud enough to be heard from outside. But Nino had put his headphones in as he was heading out and just missed hearing the girls anguish.

______________________________________________________________________

Part 4 is finished (And the streak of Over 1000 notes for each part is still alive. I am amazed thank you all.)

If you want part 5, please let me know. I love hearing feedback and it feeds my impulsive need to write. And I am just gonna say it. (But I will say that getting to this one might take a bit more time since its a weekday tomorrow.)

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always5hineee · 4 years

Text

Profit Margin- Chapter 11: One Time Offer

Chapter warnings: Mild language and mention of intense themes

Word count: 1507

-----

"State your name."

"Y/N..."

"Full name."

"Y/N... (M/L) L/N."

She answered all of his preliminary questions with ease. Age, heritage, living situation, parental situation, life prior to her kidnapping, etcetera. It became a bit stranger when he started asking about... stranger concepts. Childhood trauma. Experience with weapons. Ever having been threatened with a weapon. Sexual assaults, familial or otherwise. Experience with anxiety. Experience with depression. Any mental or physical diagnoses. Past relationships. Although she felt that all of these were quite intrusive, she answered as honestly as possible.

The entire time, he had been jotting things down on some sheet of paper. After he had stopped, he started asking her to walk him through the steps of what the people who knew her were going through right now. Would they look for her? What were the chances of her getting rescued? At this point, she became even more confused. Was he trying to gauge the danger of holding onto her for so long? But in that case, why ask the other questions?

When it seemed he was satisfied, he stood from his desk, looking at her.

"Well, I wouldn't say you're much more special than I had initially expected, but you do intrigue me to some extent." Looking up to the area behind her, he tapped on the desk, causing a change in the room. While the back and front walls remained unchanged, the two side walls shifted colors, becoming windows. They had been some form of one-way mirror? Now, she saw Lucas, Xiaojun, and Hendery lined up on the left, and YangYang, Ten, and a third person on the right. Looking closely, her heart sank as she saw the familiar form of yet another of her idols... WinWin.

"All of them have been listening to your answers. Now, we hold a debate, followed by a vote. Of course, I make the decisions, but I've rarely given any executive orders. We function as a group." Raising his hands, he said quite loudly, "You can all come in." They filed in through the doors. Hendery was smiling slightly creepily as usual, Ten and Xiaojun were stoic, YangYang and WinWin looked fairly nonchalant, and Lucas looked incredibly worried.

"I am willing to allow Y/N to train as a member of our backup team." Kun stated bluntly. Of course, we'll have to find a way to control and test her actual loyalty, as well as keep her ready for sale should it not work out. Aside from that, our other option is to dispose of her immediately." He finished. "On that note, feel free to discuss."

"I think the answer is clear here." Hendery was the first to jump in. "Do we really want to allocate all of that time, all of those resources, into such a shaky investment? What happens if she kills us and escapes? Or gets us caught? We should just take our half a mil and go."

"At the same time, added support could make for a better return." WinWin mentioned. "We've always been seven people, we're unsure if that's the peak. It could be that adding an eighth exponentially grows our output, and thus our funds."

"The risk is too high." Hendery shot back. "Plus, who's gonna want to take the effort to train her?"

"I'd do it." Ten cut in. She was surprised, but even Kun seemed as though he wasn't expecting it.

"Alright, so we have two votes for keep, one for reject." Kun tallied up. "Any other weigh-ins?"

"I'd warn you that if you want her back up to her initial value, we'd have to treat her bruises and other wounds. We have yet to check up on the actual damage." Xiaojun cut in. "It could take me anywhere from a week to a month to completely restore her. In that case, you'd have the time to test this little theory out."

"Three for yes. YangYang?"

"I... honestly don't even care." the boy shrugged. "If Ten's the one dealing with her, that's no skin off my back. If you want me to pick a side, though, I kinda have to agree with Hendery. As much as I like the idea of money, it just seems a little risky."

"Two no, three yes? Lucas, you could even it out if you wanted, or make it a majority. What do you think?" The blood drained from Lucas's face, obviously worried. On the one hand, they were already suspicious of his relationship to Y/N, but on the other, if he went against her, it was all up to Kun. Swallowing hard, he looked over to her.

"I trust WinWin's judgement on financials, so my vote is keep." He steadied his voice. "We'll just have to keep an eye on her. If something goes haywire, there are plenty of people willing to pay good money for young girls." As he said this, Hendery's expression changed from passive amusement to sheer infuriation. Kun ignored the tension, addressing the decision.

"In that case, it looks like Y/N is here to stay. Ten, walk her with Xiaojun to the medical bay, get her cleaned up. You get one chance to train her properly. Worst case scenario, if something goes completely wrong, we can sell her in parts. Lucas, you stay, I want to speak with you." Her heart skipped beat. Shit. Had she gotten him in trouble? He looked sick to his stomach as he walked towards Kun's desk, but she couldn't stay to see as Xiaojnun and Ten took her away.

"Do we need to restrain you?" Ten asked.

"No."

"Good." They led her towards what she assumed was the medical bay, on yet another different floor. They asked if she knew where the stairs were, and she explained that she was actually very unfamiliar with the entirety of the building. Understanding, he promised to show her around after they checked her out.

When they arrived at the medical bay, she looked around in awe. There was a long room with what had to have been ten sets of cots, each with open curtains between each. They had her follow them to the back, where there was a thin door. Upon opening it, she saw a few real beds, several large tables, and the walls lined with counters and cabinets- it was a weird mix of sleeping quarters and a doctor's office.

"Here, sit down." Xiaojun offered, patting a hand on the bed. "Are you wearing anything under that?" Her eyes widened in horror as he asked this. She began sputtering for an answer, trying to decide whether to run or slap him. "No, no! Not like that!" He said in a loud, awkward voice, noting her expression. "I- I just meant so that I could look at your bruises properly- Not-" She mentally scorned herself for reacting so poorly.

"O-oh, yeah, it's fine."

"Okay, well in that case, Ten, do you mind stepping out?" The man looked slightly hesitant, but nodded and turned around to leave.

"I'll be outside the door." Xiaojun nodded in agreement. As he pulled together his tools, she awkwardly took off the dress. She knew many fans of WayV had probably dreamed of taking off their clothes in front of a member, but definitely not like this... He instructed her to lay down flat, pulling on a pair of disposable rubber gloves.

"Alright, tell me if this hurts." He pressed a hand to her side, assumedly because there was some bruising there. Although it was a bit achy, that was the case for most of her body, so she said nothing. "Okay, next." They continued this process for a few minutes. When he pressed against one of her thighs, the spot that had been banged into the floor caused her to wince. She didn't mention it, but he noticed easily. In addition, one of her upper arms was badly bruised, along with her temple.

"It seems like you have no broken bones or serious organ damage, just heavy bruising. I'll give you some countertop pain killers. If you find yourself having PTSD or going into shock: nightmares, anxiety, all of that, you just let me know, okay?" She nodded, crossing her legs awkwardly. She didn't feel comfortable without the dress, as much as she had hated it before. Taking the gloves off, he opened a few cabinets, pulling out a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, a little white bottle, and a pair of flip flips.

"It isn't much, but it'll be nicer than having to wear the dress. You can wear these for now, I'll have Ten take you down to the closet on your way to the training grounds. We'll be outside, you can come when you're ready." He left the room, leaving her on the bed. Well, apparently they trusted her enough not to find a scalpel in here and skin them alive. She knew she wouldn't be successful. It would be best to bide her time for now...

Go to Chapter 12

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clintbartonswife · 5 years

Text

Too late

Pairing: Steve x Reader

Summary: Steve went with the reader to pick out a wedding dress, hidden feelings ensue. set roughly after AOU

Part of @cevansgirl writing challenge using Prompt 14: ‘I don't think that's asking for too much’ it’s bolded

Word count: 1.2k

Warnings: pining, some swearing, angst?

masterlist || part two

“Stop stressing (Y/N), you’ll be absolutely fine” Steve smiled, his hand resting on your lower back as you entered the wedding shop, “I thought you said this was supposed to be a fun, happy day”

Both of you had been friends for years now after a chance meeting in the park. The two of you crashed into eachother and you hit it off right away. When you had first met Steve you admittedly had a big crush on him - you still think you do sometimes - but he never acted as more than a friend so you accepted it and eventually it dissipated. A few months ago you finally got over your crush and started dating again, eventually meeting Terrance through a mutual friend. The engagement came quickly, but you were sure this was what you wanted. Besides, you weren’t getting any younger.

“I know! I know! It’s just - I didn’t think I’d be doing this so soon” You smiled, bouncing on the balls of you feet as you both stood at the entrance, a sales assistant walking towards us.

“Me neither” Steve chuckled, his eyes darting over the dresses on the rack in awe.

After a brief introduction from the woman, she was leading me over to the dresses you had picked out online, a bright smile blossoming on your face as you went to pick one up.

“Oh my god it’s so beautiful!” You laughed happily, holding it up against your chest, “can I go try these on?”

Receiving a nod from the assistant, you walked over to the changing rooms, Steve giving you a thumbs up as you passed.

“No” Steve said, a slight frown on his face, “that one doesn’t suit you”

“That’s what I thought” you sighed, staring at your reflection dismally, “oh well, another four left to try”

“I’m sure you’ll find something special” he nodded encouragingly, watching your back as you retreated into the changing rooms again.

20 minutes later of failed dresses, you were stood in the last one, smiling at your reflection as you traced the lace pattern gently with the top of your fingers.

“Come on out (Y/N)! I wanna see!” Steve whined.

You giggled slightly as you walked out of the dressing room, clearing your throat to attract his attention.

“Wow” he breathed, eyes going wide.

“I know right?” You laughed, moving over to the mirror to get a closer look at the details, “it feels comfy too”

Once you were out of earshot he let out a long sigh, slightly confused as to why his chest was feeling so fluttery.

“I really like the design on this one, it’s pretty dont you think, Steve?”

“Yeah -“ he coughed, his voice coming out unsteady, “Yeah it looks really nice - so good”

“You okay there Stevie?” You asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Me? Yeah! I’m fine!”

Giving him another confused look, you turned to the assistant and asked to bring a veil so you could get the full effect. Happy to help, she was back in a minute with a trial veil which she was now pinning into your hair.

Steve was, to his surprise, feeling jealous. It had taken him a few minutes to realise why his stomach had been flipped over and chest tightened, but now he knew it it was undeniable. He was jealous. Jealous of your fiancé.

He had never disliked Terrance, in fact he was his biggest fan at the beginning, making sure to make him feel welcomed when introduced to your friends. But now? He felt like he could very well strangle him if it meant you wouldn’t walk down the aisle with him at the end of it. He wanted you for himself only. And that thought scared the shit out of him.

Steve Rogers was going to be selfish. Extremely selfish,

“I’m not completely sure - I might leave this one for a while - try other ones?”

“Sounds like a plan” Steve smiled, “Hey - what do you say we go for a pizza before heading back?”

He blinked slightly as you flashed him a smile, how had he never noticed it was that dazzling before?, and nodded excitedly before following the assistant back into the changing rooms.

“Y/N, I know I’m going to sound horrible but … are you sure you want this? You don't think its too soon? I mean - you’ve only known him a few months - “

You faltered, the hand bringing the pizza to your mouth freezing in the air as a frown settled on to your face.

“Where’s this coming from? I thought you were happy for me?”

“I’m just ... worried - yeah worried - it’s all moving very fast and I feel like you maybe said yes because you feel like there’s no other options”

“Now hold on a second-”

“But there are other options doll, and I feel like you might not notice them”

Steve trailed off, his hand moving to rest over yours, eyes shining with hope.

“Wha- Steve?”

“Just think it over - for me? I don't think that's asking for too much”

Your mind seemed to turn to jelly as your stared at his hand covering yours, throat closing up as all of the feelings you had tried to ignore for years bubbled to the surface.

“Steve - I - who do you mean?”

“(Y/N), look at me” he murmured, cupping your chin with his hand and slowly lifting your head to face him, “tell me you don't feel it too”

“Why are you telling me this now Steve?” you asked, voice shaky, “You had years - why wait until I found someone else? Its not fair!”

Steve sighed exasperatedly, slumping back in his chair as he ran his fingers through his hair.

“I just - you were one of my first friends when I came out of the ice. I never had a chance to think about what I was feeling because they’ve always kept me so busy .. but seeing you in that dress today? It clicked. Everything I’ve been feeling makes sense”

“What do you mean everything you’ve been feeling?”

“You make me feel safe, (Y/N). I just thought it was a friendship thing but its not, as much as I love the rest of the crew I’m still on guard around them - still the Captain. But with you? I’m just Steve from Brooklyn. I don't have to be someone I’m not - I don't have to pretend to like certain sports or stay up until 2 in the morning reading about everything I’ve missed so I don't get teased for it”

He took a deep breath, looking up and meeting your eyes.

“With you I don't have to pretend to be okay. And honestly? I’m not okay with this. Im not okay with you marrying Terrance. I’m not. It will probably be one of the hardest things I have to watch, but if you - if you want him then I’ll have to learn to be okay with it, because in the end I just want you. I’ll take whatever I can get”

“Steve-”

“You always said I was the king of waiting too long” he chuckled mirthlessly.

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1dfangirls35 · 5 years

Text

Voir Dire- N.H

A fake dating AU about contracts, soulmates and risking it all for love.

Masterlist // Tell Me What You Think!

thirteen

There are certain phone calls you don't want to receive in your life. For some, it's the dreaded voice of a telemarketer asking you to buy their product. For others, it's the 2 am phone call from their ex who is plastered at the bar. For Niall, it was the angry voice of Mike, his agent, asking who on earth the girl was he was papped with the night before.

"Wait what?" Niall asked, his mind trying to comprehend the endless attack of words coming at him from the other side of the phone. He's not sure he's ever heard this kind of anger leave his agent's mouth before.

"The girl. Who is she Niall?"

Niall was silent for a moment. Who was Kelsey? Who should he say she is? Would it be better to come clean? Explain that this was a girl that he was developing feelings for and that this relationship was far more real than anything the PR team could have written up? Or should he write Kelsey off as a nobody and hope that the team puts it to rest?

"She's..."

"She's not your girlfriend, Niall," Mike interrupted before Niall had a chance to say otherwise. "Michaels wants to meet with you. 1pm. If I were you I'd come bearing an apologetic face and some sort of solution to this PR nightmare." And with that, the phone call ended.

Niall slammed his phone down on his crisp white bedspread with a thud. Then he sat down, setting his head in his hands. This was the worst case scenario. This was exactly the situation that he had been trying to avoid.

"What's wrong?" Kelsey asked, entering the room from her shower with a towel wrapped around her torso and her wet hair forming a small puddle on the floor. She wasn't sure she'd ever seen a face like this on Niall before, this look of fear. Almost as if he'd seen a ghost.

Niall pondered whether or not he should bring Kelsey into this. It wasn't her fault that they were caught by a camera or that they'd even been in that situation in the first place. If he leaves her out of it, he can be in and out of a meeting with Alan Michaels at Capitol without her being any the wiser. Taking that route keeps Kelsey from having to worry, or worse feeling guilty for going out to dinner in the first place.

But then a different thought crosses his mind. Maybe this wasn't a problem at all. Maybe this was an opportunity. Maybe this was just what they needed to have a shot at a real relationship, the kind that didn't involve baseball caps and restaurant back rooms and sneaking around as not to be spotted.

"It appears that our outing last night was not quite as stealthy as we had hoped," Niall admitted, eyeing Kelsey carefully to gauge her reaction.

Kelsey felt her stomach drop. Last night had been perfect. It had been the first time that she truly felt like what she and Niall had wasn't just some hidden behind-the-scenes love affair. It felt like a normal date. The things a normal couple would do. And now, the thing that Niall had feared the most had come true.

This was all her fault, if she hadn't pushed Niall. If she hadn't been so insecure about the standing of their relationship they never would have been put in this situation.

"Don't you dare start thinking this is your fault," Niall seemingly read Kelsey's mind. He comes over where she is standing, grabbing her hands and squeezing them between his.

"I..." Kelsey began to argue back but then realized that was exactly what she was thinking. "Well, What are you going to do?"

"I think that maybe..." Niall paused, hardly believing he was about to say the words aloud. "I think maybe we tell them about us."

"What?" Kelsey exclaimed. "Are you crazy?!" She couldn't believe that Niall was even considering the idea, especially with how he'd described the label's representatives so far.

"Maybe a little bit," Niall laughed nervously. "But if you think about it, what did they hire Krystal for in the first place? They hired her to show that I was in love. That my new album wasn't all heartbreak and loneliness. So what difference does it make if I'm in a relationship with a hired actress or someone that I'm actually interested in? In fact, I would argue that if we used our relationship instead, it would be more authentic and better for the image in the long run."

"I think you are overlooking one minor detail Niall," Kelsey said, taking a seat on the bed. She didn't want to get her hopes up. Sure, she'd love to be seen out in public with Niall, but she had a feeling it would be far more complicated than that. "If you start dating me, you are going to have to dump Krystal."

"And?" Niall asked, his voice growing excited as he began to further think about how this was actually the perfect solution. "People in Hollywood break up all the time. It's nothing new."

"I just think its going to be more complicated then you think Ni."

"So you don't want me to go through with it? You want me to keep up this act with Krystal and keep sneaking around? I thought you wanted a real relationship?" Niall replied with confusion.

"Of course I want a real relationship, Niall," Kelsey said, grabbing his hand and pulling him to sit beside her. "I would love to be able to do what we wanted without worrying about someone spotting us." She squeezed Niall's hand, letting him know that there was nothing she wanted more in the world. "But I just don't want you to jump into this decision. This is your career we're talking about."

"I've already made my decision, Kels. Mike told me to come bearing a solution and this is it. You are my solution." He reached a hand up and brushed Kelsey's cheek. "Just trust me on this, everything is going to be okay."

Kelsey nodded her head in agreement. But she still couldn't shake the feeling that this meeting wasn't going to go as planned.

***************************

The Capitol Records building is just as fancy as you would expect the office of a premier icon of the music industry. Modern décor, framed albums and autographed photos. The ambience would be intimidating to someone entering for something as casual as a tour, let alone a someone entering for a meeting with executives.

Kelsey felt her heart racing as she entered the elevator. Niall must have sensed her nervousness, because he grabbed her hand and gave it an encouraging squeeze as the elevator makes its ascent. She wondered what they would do when they saw her with him. Would they yell at her? Demand that she leave the building immediately? Or would they shake her hand and ask her about herself, to see that maybe she was in fact, the perfect person for Niall Horan to be dating in the midst of his album promotion?

As they get off they elevator, they were greeted by a stoic looking red head with her hair slicked back in a ponytail so tight it looked like it was squeezing her head. "Have a seat right there, Mr. Michaels will be right with you."

They took a seat on a slick, black leather loveseat. Kelsey could tell Niall was nervous by the way that he was chewing at his fingertips. Mr. Michaels is large, bald man with a freshly ironed suit and red tie that only adds to his intimidating aura. Kelsey can't help but think that he looks somewhat familiar, but she can' t place. Maybe he'd been a patron at The Manhattan or perhaps she'd simply passed him on the street.

"Mr. Horan," he grumbled, offering out his hand which Niall quickly stood and shook. He looked towards Kelsey, shooting her a mischievous smile. "And Miss Benton, what a pleasant surprise."

Niall looked over at Kelsey with a confused glance. "Didn't think I'd have done my research so quickly Mr. Horan? I'm offended," Mr. Michaels chuckled. He adjusted his tie before taking a step back towards his office. "Well I believe we have some business to attend to, shall we?"

Niall stood and Kelsey stood up following him. Mr. Michaels took a seat behind a large glass desk as Kelsey and Niall sat in two hard metal chairs in front of him. Mr. Michaels clasped his hands in front of him before clearing his throat loudly. "So let me guess, both of you are here today because you'd like your relationship to take the place of the one that we've hired Miss Hoffman for?"

Niall gulped. The stare Mr. Michaels was giving him wasn't one that reflected him thinking this was a brilliant idea by any means. He tried to mentally remind himself of all the points he had come up with on the drive over. All the reasons he could convince Michaels and the rest of the PR team that this was all a benefit to his album sales, and not a detriment. But in this moment, he couldn't seem to come up with any of them. Instead he muttered a shaky, "That would be correct, sir."

"A question for you Miss Benton," Mr. Michaels declared rather than asked. Kelsey nodded her head slowly. "What do you know about dating a celebrity?" His eyes latch onto Kelsey's and she felt her already pounding heart increase in speed.

"I mean, I know there is always the risk of being caught by the paparazzi's. And that there are a lot of performances and appearances," she glanced over at Niall hoping for some reassurance. He offered her the slightest of smiles. "And I know that you have to grow a thick skin, because their are always going to be people: fans, media, stars, critiquing your every move." Kelsey wanted to add on that she thought she could handle it. That she realized that bringing her relationship with Niall out to the public would come with these new challenges, but that she was prepared to face them, but before she can begin to speak, Mr. Michaels has shifted his gaze towards Niall.

"And you, Mr. Horan. I'd like to hear just what you must think the benefits of dating this girl instead of Miss Hoffman are to you and your team here at Capitol. They must be good ones, hmm," Mr. Michaels raised his eyebrows. "Considering you brought Miss Benton here to our meeting today when it wasn't part of our request."

Niall looked over at Kelsey, then back at Mr. Michaels, his beady gray eyes piercing into his soul. If the goal was to make Niall feel like he had made an incredibly stupid decision then it had most definitely been accomplished, because the longer that Niall sat in this chair enduring the stare of a man who for held his music career in his hands, the smaller he felt.

"I just thought," his voice cracked. He cleared his voice, taking a deep breath and trying to command ever ounce of confidence that remained in his body. "I thought that if the whole goal of me being in a relationship this promotion cycle was that you could portray me as a guy that wasn't heartbroken, wouldn't it be more authentic if I actually was with someone who I'm developing feelings for. You of all people should know my fanbase, they aren't just naïve little girls who believe everything in front of their eyes. They investigate things, they can sense things aren't quite right. Hell, sometimes I think they know me better than I know myself!"

He glanced over at Kelsey who was giving him a reassuring smile. "The point is, I think they can sense that something isn't quite there with my relationship with Krystal. And I think this pap shot is exactly the kind of opportunity to come clean about the whole thing and just tell the truth. And then let me be in an authentic relationship. One with this amazing, smart, beautiful girl sitting next to me."

If Mr. Michaels is moved or convinced by Niall's answer, he didn't show it. Instead, his face remained blank, as he scratched his hairless head with his fingers. "And what of Miss Hoffman then, Mr. Horan?"

"I'm sure you have plenty of ways to frame the end of relationship. I mean, some stars getting a divorce nearly every other day in the newspaper."

Mr. Michaels leaned forward in his chair, picking up a black pen and rolling it between his fingers. "Let me play for a just a second...devil's advocate."

He took a long drawn out pause. Niall shifted nervously in his seat. Kelsey found herself picking at a hangnail on the edge of her thumbnail.

Mr. Michaels continued. "What happens when people hear that Niall has broken up with Krystal and is now with some other girl? They might think that you are a player, or a heartbreaker. Or maybe that you were cheating the whole time you were with Krystal." He set the pen in his hands down on the countertop once again, staring Niall down in a way that made Niall feel like he was a specimen in a lab. "Or say we go with your suggestion, Mr. Horan. We tell your fans that Krystal was just for the publicity and that in the meantime you have met someone else. Then what will they think of you. Their idol is a liar, he'll do anything to promote his music... blah blah blah, blah blah."

"Do you see why you've put the team in quite the predicament here?" Mr. Michaels leaned forward once again, closing the distance between them. "One that simply isn't solved just by 'telling the truth'. People outside the industry don't realize that there is no true honesty in the entertainment industry. It's all about perception. Public perception. Media perception. Changing that perception to fulfill your needs and goals."

Mr. Michaels stood from behind his desk, and Niall and Kelsey exchanged a confused glance. Niall wasn't sure if this meant that the team would consider his suggestion, or if Mr. Michaels had already made his decision.

"Miss Benton, if you will have a seat back in the lobby, I believe Mr. Horan and I have a bit more to discuss," Mr. Michaels gestured towards the door as Kelsey stood up slowly. "It was a pleasure to see you again. Really was a shame the job didn't work out. But I think we made a pretty good choice with Miss Hoffman don't you think?"

That's when Kelsey finally made the connection. This man was the man sitting behind the coffee table with a stack of papers higher than any Kelsey had ever seen. The one that had asked her the strangest interview questions of her life. But that had been for a PR job Becca had told Kelsey might give her a leg up for entertainment law later in life. The job description had been vague, will little explanation of responsibilities or requirements. But that hadn't been for Krystal's job...had it?

Kelsey caught a glance of Niall's face as she exited Mr. Michaels' office. His face was formed in a scowl. He stared at her in a way that he never had before. This stare was a mix of anger, hurt and shock all in one. Kelsey wanted to stop right there and explain. Explain that she hadn't even known that the job she had applied for was to be Niall's fake girlfriend. Explain that she wouldn't have ever taken if it once she found out that was what it was. But instead she's ushered out of the office by Mr. Michaels' assistant, taking a seat on the hard black leather chair and having to let her mind wander about just what was being said in that office right now.

When Kelsey leaves the room, Niall sat for a moment stunned. The world seemed like it was moving in slow motion. At first he thought he had misheard, because how could Kelsey have applied for Krystal's job and not told him. Especially after all they'd talked about it. But the look on her face when she left the room wasn't one of shock or defensiveness. It was more of recognition, and the thought that Kelsey might have been keeping this secret from Niall was terrifying to him.

But Niall doesn't have time to linger on the thought of being betrayed, as Mr. Michaels begins to lecture once again."Mr. Horan, we expect that you will put an end to this...to this little charade of yours. When you are out of promotional season you are free to date whomever you wish, but if you'll remember our contract..."

So that was it. Niall would get no discussion. No consideration of a new plan. In fact, he was sure now that Mr. Michaels had made his decision the moment Niall and Kelsey stepped into his office.

"Unless you don't want your album released?" Mr. Michaels added, his voice threatening.

Niall nodded. "Of course I want the album released, I understand."

Mr. Michaels pulled out a large manila folder. He opened it, revealing a photo of Kelsey and Niall, hand and hand, walking down the Los Angeles streets. "If you are asked about these photos, she's a good friend. Nothing more. We think we've done enough that they should stay out of the press for now, but you know how things can be. But if pictures like this were to surface again, well, that could be catastrophic."

Niall knew that Mr. Michaels wasn't talking about catastrophic for Capitol Records. Mr. Michaels was hinting at catastrophic for Niall's album, his music career.

"Understood, sir," Niall said standing from his chair and begrudgingly giving Mr. Michaels a handshake.

"End it, Niall." Mr. Michaels commanded, once more before Niall walks out the door.

Niall didn't say anything to Kelsey as he exited the office. He simply makes his way towards the elevator, Kelsey clattering behind him. Tension hangs in the elevator as they make their way back down, and Kelsey knew an explosion was coming.

They slide into the car awaiting them outside the building in silence and when the driver asks if they are going back to Niall's place or Kelsey's. She responded "Mine first," without missing a beat.

"When I got that phone call do know what the first thing that ran through my mind was?" Niall broke the silence, his voice laced with frustration. "It wasn't the thought that I might get dropped from my label or that I wouldn't get to make music again. The first thing that came to my mind Kelsey was that they might try to get rid of you." Niall's voice continued to raise in volume, his face reddening by the second. "Do you even realize how much it scares me that I didn't for a second think that maybe I should end this. That I would literally risk my standing with the label then lose you?!"

"And then," he continued, barely even looking at Kelsey. "And then I find out that you could have been her. All this time when I told you how I just couldn't understand what kind of person would volunteer for a job like that. Well, apparently that type of person is you." His last words sting Kelsey as they leave his mouth.

"Niall, it's not like that I can explain..." Kelsey tried to protest. She needed Niall to understand that this wasn't something that she had kept from him willingly. If she had known that the job was the one Krystal had she would have told him from the beginning.

"Explain what Kelsey? How you aren't the person I thought you were." Niall yelled, crossing his arms in front of him. The look on his face is a look of disgust, his eyes fiery. And Kelsey isn't sure that she can say anything that will change is mind.

"I..." Kelsey began.

"When I said no more secrets that didn't just apply to me. I thought it would apply to you to!" Niall interrupted.

"Listen to me Niall," Kelsey's voice came out for more like a yell than she intended. "I didn't know that I was applying for that job. They never told me when I interviewed. I wasn't keeping anything from you!"

"You should have something the moment you recognized him," Niall spat.

"And what good would that have done Niall? You wouldn't have brought me into that office with you is that what you are trying to say?" Kelsey felt her pulse beating violently in her head.

Niall didn't respond for a moment. "Maybe," he muttered, turning his gaze to look out of the car window.

"I told you Niall, I had NO idea. You aren't even listening to me," Kelsey said with frustration, throwing up her hands. Niall didn't turn his head, instead, he kept his gaze firmly planted on the Los Angeles streets outside. He stayed that way, back turned away from Kelsey until they reach Kelsey's apartment.

As Kelsey opened the door of the black Escalade, she wanted to say something else. To remind him that things aren't always what they seem. His relationship with Krystal had proved that. But she knew that he was in a place where he couldn't even hear the words. She knew because she'd been in that place before.

Instead, she softly spoke the question that had been burning in her mind ever since Niall exited Mr. Michaels office. "Did they tell you to end it? To end us?" Her voice comes out meek, like she's not quite sure she even wants to know the answer.

Niall turned to look at her, his face stoic. "Yes."

"Are you going to?" She asked, her voice now shaking.

"I don't know," he answered, before Kelsey stepped out the car and closed the door. Watching Niall's car drive away as she stood in shock on the sidewalk.

Tag List:

@awomanindeniall @ihearthemcallingforyou @niall-is-my-dream

#this chapter is A LOT so let me know what you think!#voir dire #writingby1dfangirls35 #niall horan writing #niall horan #niall horan ff #niall horan fanfiction #1d #one direction #one direction fanfiction #1dff #fake dating #secret relationship #niall x ofc

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keeroo92 · 5 years

Text

True North Part 5

For @clevermentalitybeliever. You said, and I quote, “lots of spice” so fair warning! Also some tooth-rotting fluff and jokes between out two favorite folks. Thank you, truly for the commission! This project has been an absolute delight :D

Partially inspired by this song

Word count - 4,504

Word count (all parts) - 16,902

Part 1 --- Part 2 --- Part 3 --- Part 4

________________________

---Reader---

Christmas was less than a week away, and still you had nothing for V.

What gift could say “Hey, you gorgeous person! Thanks for helping me and letting me crash with you. I’m your boss and I’m head over heels for you, by the way!”

You sighed. There had to be something. He’d given you so much, you wanted to do the same for him. Somehow, a gift card seemed inadequate for the guy who beat your abusive brother with a baseball bat and threatened to kill him if he ever contacted you again.

Not to mention the fact that you lived with him, rent-free. You could probably sleep on your own now, if you tried, but having him in the bed next to you was too wonderful. Hearing his light snores, feeling the mattress move every time he rolled over, watching his eyelids flutter in a dream…

It was almost enough to make you believe you were more than friends.

Almost.

Fuck, this is brutal.

You wanted to know what he tasted like, what sounds he would make when he came undone. What positions he liked and whether he preferred it fast or slow. He probably had a few choice kinks; he seemed the type. How fun it would be to explore that with him.

But not if it cost you his friendship.

After the first week after the confrontation with Caleb, it felt like nothing had ever gone wrong. You cracked jokes back and forth, teased him until he blushed and started keeping count again. It was like the beginning all over, but better because you felt even closer than before. It was maddening.

You sighed and tagged the last vase. Appraisals were caught up, the sales floor was packed and there was nothing else you could do to prepare for the onslaught of last-minute shoppers. You grabbed your purse and headed to the front to join V.

To your surprise, he was with a customer. The store was technically closed, but from the way he chatted with the white-haired stranger, they might know each other. When the two shared a quick hug, you froze in shock.

Is he gay?

Holy shit, that would explain everything! Only a gay guy could sleep next to a woman for weeks and not even get morning wood!

You hid behind a shelf of clocks, embarrassment flooding your cheeks with blood as the pieces fell into place. He never brought women home, didn’t mention any past relationships. True, it was a stereotype, but his hair was perfect, and he loved cooking. And now this man, this stranger giving him a hug?

“Y/N, can we talk for a moment?”

He turned the corner and you schooled your features into a neutral smile. No reason to embarrass him about it. You really should just be grateful you figured it out before making an ass of yourself.

“Yep! What’s up?”

He followed you into the office, a determined look on his face. Something weird was going on, that much was obvious. What could it be? You closed the door and took your usual seat, folding your hands and waiting for him to begin.

He didn’t sit. The look in his eyes was one you’d never seen before as he stepped closer, until he stood mere inches away. He licked his lips and spoke.

“I quit.”

And then he kissed you.

Wait, what?

His lips were so soft and timid you thought you imagined them. The kiss was so brief you didn’t even get to learn what he tasted like. It was torturous; you wanted more. So much more.

But he’s gay?! What the hell?

“What the fuck?” you cried.

You looked up into his eyes to see the hurt blooming in their green depths. His arms went to his back and he started untying his apron with a resigned frown. Your confusion knew no bounds as he folded it and placed it on your desk without a word.

Your mind was nothing but static as he turned and walked out the door. Did that really just happen? You brought your fingertips to your lips. If he had kissed you, shouldn’t you be able to tell? But it was so light, not leaving a trace behind to prove it even happened.

Your eyes flew to the carefully folded apron on your desk. V’s nametag was displayed on the panel facing up, with pride and respect. What reason could he have to quit? He loved this job, didn’t he? You stared at the two converging lines that formed his name for what felt like an age, puzzling on the man they represented. His mannerisms, his behavior and character. His humor and integrity. His… everything.

He just quit. I may never see him again.

Just to think the words sent a blade into your heart. Agony. None of the last ten minutes made a lick of sense but it didn’t matter. It boiled down to one, simple fact.

The fear of missing the chance to be with him, truly with him, was far stronger than the fear of losing him entirely. You’d rather push him away with the truth than risk living with the pain of unfulfilled hopes. You stood on shaky legs and took the first step toward the door. By the third step, you were sprinting.

I hope I’m not too late! Damn these short legs!

The twisting path through the shop had never felt so sinister. Shelves that normally made you smile now made you wince as you were forced to weave through them, wasting precious seconds navigating the maze. If he ran when he left, you’d never catch him. Your only hope was that he walked slow, just this once.

Please, please, please!

The globe marked the turn to face the door and you gasped as you saw out the glass storefront. He was already outside, his long strides devouring the distance to his car. You could barely breathe, holding a stitch in your side as you raced to the entrance and screamed his name at top volume, praying he’d hear you through the glass.

He didn’t.

No, no, no, no!

The closest item was an extremely pricy sculpture from last century. You didn’t care, and you exploded through the door with it raised high. His car was facing away, gathering speed.

Don’t you fucking miss, Y/N!

You threw the sculpture with everything you had, your entire body twisting in the follow through and watching with bated breath. It sailed through the air and shattered against his windshield; a perfect throw.

Red brake lights lit up and the tires squeaked against the asphalt as he slammed the pedal. You kept running, reaching the back of his car just as he opened the door. The windshield had spiderweb patterns running through it and you cringed.

Oops…

You reached the barely opened door and shouted the only words you could think of.

“You can’t quit!”

You reached out and pulled him to your level by the collar of his shirt, staring him right in his bewildered eyes. The racing pace of his heart set you on fire as you felt it through the thin fabric.

“You’re fired.”

And you kissed him, hard.

Fuck, it was glorious.

Even though you couldn’t fucking breathe.

You retreated with a gasp, your panting almost as quick as your racing heart. Neither of you blinked as you slowly steadied your breathing. A glimmer of humor bloomed in his disgustingly beautiful eyes and he nodded his head at the ruined windshield.

“Was that really necessary? You could’ve sent a text.”

Oh. That would’ve been smart.

Blood rushed to your cheeks and you shifted your weight awkwardly as a sly grin spread over his features. “Thirty-two to twenty-nine, in my favor,” he observed, turning off the car.

There was no stopping the eruption of laughter and you didn’t bother trying. You definitely didn’t need to do any cardio this week. Tears formed and you held your stomach, bent over to ease some of the tension.

V’s long arms reached you easily and tugged you into his lap. If he weren’t so damn tall, you never would’ve fit between his chest and the steering wheel. To your credit, you only honked the horn once while turning to face him, straddling his lap. He leaned forward and kissed you again.

You shuddered with the knowledge that the only thing separating your heat from his was cloth and scooted closer to angle yourself, wrapping your arms around his broad shoulders. His every motion fanned the flames licking at your belly. In unison, both sets of lips opened and tongues met at long last in a flash of lightning.

He smelled like juniper and woodsmoke, like a forested safe haven. It was already familiar from sharing the bed but never had it enveloped you so thoroughly. He tasted spicy and herbal, some mixture you couldn’t identify even if you cared enough to try. All you knew was you loved it.

The first stirrings of his cock beneath you made you moan, shivers running up your spine. You parted to rest your forehead against his, trailing your fingers through his hair. He closed his eyes and hummed his contentment, and for a moment all was still.

“Do you have any idea how long I’ve wanted to do that?” he asked after a beat.

“I could say the same!”

He chuckled ruefully. “Lying next to you all night has been torture, are you saying we could’ve been doing this instead?”

With a wicked grin, you thrusted your hips forward to rub against his length. “We could’ve been doing more than kissing.”

He hummed and rolled his hips forward, running his length against your core. “I suppose the only question, boss, is if you’d like to go home first or shall we ruin your desk?”

Oh, fuck… just as I was catching my breath.

You leaned forward to plant kisses along the dark lines of his tattoos, trailing up to his jaw. “Why not both?”

When your lips reached the hollow of his neck he gasped, twitching under you. “Obviously. But which one first?”

You chuckled and planted another kiss in the exact same spot, gratified with his hitched panting and the responsive jerk of his hips. “I don’t think we’d make it home at this rate.”

He smirked and inclined his head, acknowledging your point. His arms cradled you against his chest and he carefully rose, using his foot to slam the car door shut behind him. You locked your legs around his waist and he grunted, hands taking a firm hold of your ass for support. He barely paused at the door and navigated through the winding path to your office in under a minute.

You disentangled yourself to pass through the doorway, seizing the opportunity to focus before all rational thought abandoned you.

“For the record, I’m on the pill.”

“Noted,” he replied with a smirk, then leaned down to kiss you again.

His lean arms wrapped around you, enveloping you in his delightful aroma as he picked you up and set you on your desk, knocking an assortment of office supplies to the floor. The angle was much better, and your neck sang its praises of his thoughtfulness as you opened your lips for another taste.

You moaned as he pressed against your knees. Without thinking, you parted your legs and scooted forward to feel his arousal, reveling in the proof that he was enjoying this just as much as you were. He pulled back and you sucked at his bottom lip before letting him go. The groan he released was downright sinful and you shuddered, already aching for more.

His fingertips trailed sparks across your spine, and even as he lifted the hem of your blouse you were unbuttoning his work shirt. The silky fabric of your top caressed your arms as he pulled it away, his own shirt barely a second behind. The whorls of the ink decorating his slim chest made your mouth water and you pulled him closer to trace the lines with your tongue, nipping across his collarbone.

Your hands trembled as they drifted lower, caressing the smooth skin just over his belt as you searched for the buckle. His hand stopped yours and you stared at the mess of digits in confusion. Did he want to do it himself?

“Are you sure you want this?” his soft voice rumbled. His hesitation startled you – just seconds ago you felt how hard he was. Was he trying to be dirty? You met his gaze and caught your breath.

The vulnerability in his eyes showed the true question he was asking.

Are you sure you want me?

Oh, V…

You brought his hands to rest over your heart and smiled, letting him feel the steady thump before you spoke. He really was dense sometimes.

“Why do you think I threw a seven-hundred-dollar sculpture at your car?”

You paused to gather the right arrangement of words. A repeat of your hasty exchange in the parking lot was exactly what he didn’t need right now. You bent your head to kiss his knuckles as he shrugged.

“Because I couldn’t stand to watch you walk away, and because that damn thing was more replaceable than you are.”

You lowered his hands and waited for him to understand; you knew he would. It was only a matter of how long it took. His eyes widened and his brows rose in startled comprehension. There it was.

“The Jenobi!? But that was one of a kind!”

“Exactly.”

He smiled and a light blush stained his cheeks. Warmth flooded your chest and a matching grin split your features. His mouth opened and closed a few times before he gave up and lurched forward to kiss you, his hands releasing yours to tug at his belt. The rustle of fabric announced his success and you trailed your palms down his back, sliding forward to feel his length. He whimpered as your slim fingers stroked his shaft, a thumb crossing over his tip to spread the bead of wetness around.

You pulled back to glance at it and grinned. “Wow, you make my hands look really small.”

He snorted. “Your hands are really small.”

You gave him one quick pump and cleared your throat. “That’s fun-sized, thank you very much!”

His answering groan was positively lewd and you grinned at how vocal he was. You could hardly wait to discover his other preferences.

“My mistake,” V said, his hands shifting to work at your pants. It took teamwork to get you free – he lifted your hips and you shoved the cotton away to join the pile on the floor. He stepped back and stared at you, his lidded gaze heavy on your exposed skin. You broke out in nervous goosebumps and tried to resist the urge to cross your arms.

“What?” you asked after the silence became too much to bear. His eyes flicked back to yours and he smirked.

“I don’t have words to describe your beauty.”

You shuffled your feet where they hung suspended over the floor. Trust you to not only fall for the guy with the cheesiest lines imaginable, but also find the one who meant every word. You stretched your arms out to him, beckoning him closer again. He didn’t complain.

He pulled you right to the edge of the desk and rested his cock against your folds, his eyes locked with yours. You took him in your hands and stroked, spreading around every bit of fluid seeping from him. His muttered curse made you clench, aching with need and you brought him to your core. As the first inch sank in, his deep groan mixed with your gasp of pleasure.

He slid further with ease, your arousal giving him all the lubrication he could possibly need. Ice and flames ricocheted across your every nerve, a sensory overload so intense you couldn’t breathe. He moved so slowly it made you want to scream, even knowing how he’d split you in half otherwise. You just wanted more.

“V, please…” you choked out. He smirked and quickened his pace, crawling past the ring of muscles you clenched so tightly to feel his every ridge.

A wave swept across you as his head finally broke through, your walls stretching oh so deliciously to accommodate him. He leaned closer and pressed kisses across your shoulder, his hair tickling your collarbone. You arched to give him more room and threaded your fingers in his obsidian locks. Every exhalation of his staccato breath sent shivers up your spine.

“You are so damn tight,” he murmured.

It was all you could do to mewl in response as he finally bottomed out, his hips flush with you at last. You clung to him as he started pulling back, eyes rolling back into your skull at the plethora of sensations he was supplying.

And he’s barely moving!

He quickened his movements with the next thrust and you clawed at his back. Half of you wished he’d just pound you already; the other half hoped he’d never move again and just live inside you. Such perfect torture, and you were already addicted.

You tugged at his hair, dragging his mouth to meet yours. Time had no meaning as you swam in his embrace, his slow buildup bringing you to the brink of bliss. You were begging, pleading him to speed up but he only smirked and kissed you again. It wasn’t until he moaned in your ear that you came unglued for the first time. He held your trembling body close and murmured praise as you shuddered your release, his hips still not accelerating.

Never had you peaked from such slow strokes, and the knowledge of what he could do to you without resorting to brute force made you dizzy. How had you gotten so lucky?

It didn’t matter. He was here, and he was yours, and everything was perfect.

Except for one, tiny detail; heat.

He braced one hand on the desk and rolled into you, faster than ever. Obscene slapping noises accompanied his every move. Sweat beaded across his forehead and over your shoulders, the stifling lack of ventilation overpowered by the gasps and sighs rending the air. You stretched out an arm to flick on the fan but couldn’t reach and had to direct one of his patterned hands to do it for you.

“We need to get a bigger fan,” he commented with a wry smirk. You nodded your agreement and leaned back into the blessed breeze.

“We could go home, too,” you added as he shifted his weight.

He flexed inside you. “But it’s such a long drive…”

“I’ll keep you entertained.”

You’d never seen a man get dressed so fast.

He stalked you through the shelves, somehow only catching up to you in time to hold open the door despite his lengthy stride. You gave him a playful swat on the ass as he locked it behind you, and he repaid you in kind. You tossed him the keys to your car and climbed into the passenger seat, grateful for the lack of a center console. He barely got the car started before you were pawing at his zipper and drawing his still-wet cock out to play.

“Try to avoid any bumps…” you said and leaned over to trail kisses down his length.

His whispered curse electrified you and you shifted your weight to ease the ache between your thighs. He had both hands on the wheel in a white-knuckled grip as you pressed your tongue against the throbbing vein running down his shaft. You tasted yourself mixed with him and hummed, the naughtiness of it an absolute delight.

He groaned and pulled onto the main road. It was close to dinner time and traffic was light, not to mention the tint of the windows would keep your ministrations private. Still, the idea of another driver peeking through the glass to see you bobbing on V’s cock sent shudders through your core.

You dipped a hand under his clothing to caress his balls, squeezing ever so gently as you took him in your mouth. With a swirl of your tongue you had him panting. You heard the click of the blinker and braced your weight as he took the first turn, not missing a beat and skillfully maintaining the pressure around him.

“You’re quite good at that,” he murmured. You pulled him deeper in your mouth so his head rested against the back of your throat and hummed, knowing he’d feel the vibrations. He cursed and let go of the wheel.

One of his hands cupped your cheek, the other resuming his tight grip on the steering. His thumb caressed your jaw and you hollowed your cheeks in reply, stroking him with tongue and lips alike. Another click; the second and final turn. You braced again as his hand held you steady, fingers tangling in your hair. Once the car straightened, he shifted his hips and guided your head with the softest of nudges.

You teased at his slit as he pulled into the driveway, savoring the more concentrated salty flavor before pulling away with a sinful pop. You smirked at the look on his face and put the car in park for him as he turned the key, other hand gathering the fabric of his pants to cover himself before he opened the car door.

He beat you to the house, of course, holding the door open for you like a proper gentleman. The instant it was closed he pounced, pinning you to the closest wall and claiming your mouth in a scorching kiss. His pants dropped to the floor as both hands worked at your top. It was mere heartbeats before you both stood unclothed. He wrapped his long fingers around your thighs and lifted, taking your light weight upon himself to carry you to bed.

The chilled sheets sent goosebumps across your flesh as he lied you down. You weren’t cold for long – he covered you with his own body and pressed his lips to yours. Flames of need heated you from the inside out. You pulled him closer, forcing his back to arch in order to maintain the kiss and bring his hips to yours.

“Don’t go slow this time,” you said, breaking away.

He grinned and slammed himself in, making you cry out in shock and pleasure. There was barely a beat to adjust to the feeling of fullness before he deprived you of it and you whined in complaint. He didn’t let up, bracing his forearms on either side of you and peppering kisses wherever he could reach between pants.

The rhythmic impacts had you reeling, clinging and clawing at him in bursts. Your senses were saturated with him; every touch, every taste and smell and sight and sound revolved around your best friend in a cacophony of perfection. It was all you could do to keep inflating your lungs, each inhale stolen away by a fresh moan. Your peak was so close, so damn close and you brought a hand to your folds.

He bowed his head at the crux of your neck and shoulder, grunting with every stroke. You knew he was close too by the way he tightened inside you. You quickened your fingers, sending bolts of electricity racing through you.

“I’m close,” he growled in your ear.

You clenched around him and locked your legs in place, keeping him captive. “Don’t you dare pull out!”

“You want me to—”

“Yes, let me feel you cum!”

Your fingers found the perfect spot and rubbed a frantic pace as he let out the sexiest moan you’d ever heard in your life, his hips stuttering and jerking erratically as he pulsated his pleasure inside you. You were less than a second behind, arching into him and screaming his name. It was a whole new level of ecstasy to cum together, a different plane of existence only the two of you occupied for those brief seconds.

Your skin was like the surface of a pond, ripples of orgasmic bliss disturbing the surface. The room flashed black and white as you rode out the last few waves, every muscle twitching into relaxation. V hovered over you, refusing to vacate his position. He brushed damp strands of hair from your forehead, smirking at the echoing moans you still emitted.

You opened your eyes slowly, meeting his euphoric expression with one of your own.

I’ve never seen him this happy.

You giggled and wiped the sweat from his brow. His low chuckle joined a beat later. You pretended to be upset, flexing the muscles still wrapped around his cock to emphasize your words.

“What’s so funny?”

He winced and twitched his hips away, pulling out with an obscene sound. His lips met yours for a tender peck and he rolled to the side with a content sigh.

“You laughed first.”

Your thighs ached at the loss; you’d be sore in the morning, but it was so worth the pain. The rustling of blankets accompanied your motion as you rolled over to cuddle against him, draping an arm and leg across his body.

“Far enough. I was thinking that I’d never seen you this happy,” you replied.

He wrapped himself around you and hummed. “That’s because this is the happiest I’ve ever been.”

Well, he must have enjoyed himself them. A thought interrupted your glow of feminine pride and your smile faltered. “What about work?”

“If I have you to come home to, it doesn’t matter where I work.”

He traced an idle path on your skin as you furrowed your brow in thought. What if he didn’t have to? He had the knowledge and the interest; all it would take was a few bits of tedious paperwork. Easy. You could have it done by next week, official by the end of the month.

“What if you didn’t have to?”

He raised an eyebrow. “That sounds terribly improper.”

You grinned. “Not if I make you a co-owner of the shop.”

He bolted upright and erupted in laughter. You threw a pillow at his head, missing entirely. He laughed harder and you blushed.

“Well, at least I didn’t miss when it mattered!”

The mattress creaked as he fell back, struggling to stifle his amusement. The pillow remained where it had landed in the corner and you stared at him, waiting for an answer.

“I stand corrected. This is the happiest I’ve ever been.” He turned his head and met your eyes, his expression utterly serious. “I love you.”

Holy shit…

You snuggled into his side, nuzzling his lined chest with a wobbly smile. The moment was so damn perfect you felt like your heart would burst. What could possibly be better than the last few hours?

Tomorrow.

And the day after. And all the days to come.

“I love you too.”

#commisions #v x reader #fanfic #spicy #fluff #humor #dmcv #dmc #devil may cry #reader insert #my writing

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uhhhdeej · 5 years

Text

Capitalism, The Reaper of Hope

(How I found a panic attack relief locked behind a paywall)

It was late in the day, the time? I’m not sure. The sun was just starting to set. My stomach had been a little iffy most of the day but then my mom, who’s my rock, told me she had to leave for awhile. I laid there, my head swirling with racing thoughts, hoping so badly this won’t get worst and I’ll get sick or have a panic attack. Sure enough, though, the anxiety caused from worry hurled my stomach into a frenzy and that in turn elevated my anxiety and stress levels. I was caught, yet again, in the cycle and as much as I tell myself it’s all in my head, it doesn’t make it better.

“Google!” I thought. If I read an article documenting the link between stomach problems and anxiety that would make me feel better. (Like I haven’t done that a million times already in my life, high anxiety me is not very rational.) So mid panic attack, I searched. To my surprise I found an article I hadn’t read before. On a website I didn’t know existed but should have considering I’ve seen and am a big fan of their documentaries. “How Meditation Helped Me Poop Less, The Link Between Mindful Breathing And IBS (Irritable Bowl Syndrome)”.

This article hit me like a train with rocket boosters doing downhill. It just MADE sense. Here are a few quotes from said article.

“ The mind-gut connection is very strong—in fact, some have gone as far as to say that there is a second brain in your gut. ”

“ Christopher Willard, a lecturer of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, and author of Growing Up Mindful, explains to me that it is common for IBS sufferers to get caught in a cycle of stress, just like I had. Willard describes it as a "cascade effect, where IBS causes stress and exacerbates itself."

This one is what really got me, a scientistic reason as to why my body is like this!

“ Willard describes to me how meditation works to quell some of the worst symptoms of IBS: "One way certain meditations 'work' is by inducing the relaxation response, which effectively gets the body out of the fight/flight response to stresses," he says. He explains that when we are in a state of stress, "our body is prepping for short-term, rather than long-term survival, which shuts off energy to the digestive system and the immune system." This is what causes some of the IBS symptoms.”

This was it! The end all, be all. The facts I’ve needed to know! This was around the time the author of the article started really diving into meditation. Being a long time sufferer of anxiety I already know some breathing techniques to help calm me down, they’re usually hit or miss, but I’ve never really tired meditation. The author details the experience, the guided meditation voice on the app she downloaded and just reading it made me feel at ease. It’s been a long time since I’ve had any kind of hope of ever getting better, feeling ok, or managing my mental health but I was actually starting to feel like maybe I had a chance still.

Until it hit me....more of that later...

I finished reading the article, kept breathing and my stomach actually settled. My breathing didn’t feel rushed and shaky. I didn’t feel my impended doom! I had done it, I had beaten anxiety today! Being me, though, the strategist I am, warrior even, I thought I needed to press my advantage. I clicked the link to the meditation app. My App Store opened to the developers page and I was taken aback. The app in question wasn’t free.

I scrolled through, app after app, all of them had a price tag. I finally found one of there’s that was free, it was very stripped down, lack features but then it really hit me, I’ve been doped. Doped, fooled, tricked! I thought I’d found someone who not only understood but wanted to help, instead it was a crusty man with a nice suit and twirly mustache, maybe a cowboy hat. A snake oil salesmen, claiming to have every tonic to cure every aliment.

Panic started to set back in.

Now, was this whole article a marketing ploy to boost a sales number on an app? Probably not. Did the author actually care and intend to help? Probably, but that doesn’t negate the feeling that I’ve been played. That to ease suffering on the list of priorities is second to profiting and that has always been an a concept I’ve struggled to grasp. I’m not saying it’s time to eat the rich, burn the flag and pick up a sickle and hammer, not at all. The idea of capitalism is great. A market is great. Competition is great. My problem is, somethings shouldn’t be for profit, one being good health. If you want to sell someone a new iPhone for $1,500, go for it, it’s a cool luxury to have if you can afford it but if you’re selling a relief to someone’s hardships that directly hurt their quality of life, you’re kind of a piece of shit.

———————————————————

What I learned for this whole experience.

Mediation is a powerful tool, along with breathing techniques. Scientistic explanations about what’s going on with my body helps me greatly understand and minimize my irrational panic. This particular article did help me in my time of need but also made me question my self worth and the intention of it’s creation.

———————————————————

If you liked my own article maybe consider sharing it around! Maybe I could write more like this, who knows, maybe have my own website and journalism publication! Maybe leave a like, reblog, share it on other platforms, just maybe. ❤️

#anxiety #panic attack #writer #article #publishing #mental health #journalism

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favficarchives · 6 years

Text

Already Gone (2/2)

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader Summary: The reader decides it’s time for her to move on, and Reid realizes it might be too late to stop her. Genre: The happy ending is here folks! Warnings: Brief talk of kidnapping Word count: 3,293

[Masterlist] [Part 1]

A/N: Set between seasons 9 and 10, after Blake leaves but before Kate shows up

“It would only be temporary – until we find someone suited for the team,” Hotch explained, working hard to sell you on the proposal. “Field work is off the table, so you’d hardly see the team anyway –“

“Hotch!” you interrupted, chuckling at your former boss and his unnecessary sales pitch. “I’ve already told you I would do it. I’m going stir crazy with this sabbatical and you need an extra set of hands. Seems pretty mutually beneficial to me. Besides, I owe you a serious debt for the transfer. And I always pay back my debts.”

It had been a little under two years since you transferred out of the BAU. A specialized team on the west coast took an interest in you, and when you told Hotch you needed to leave, he recommended a transfer to a new team instead of leaving the bureau entirely.

The new team was a wonderful change of pace. You continued the work you dedicated your life to, but got to remake yourself, embrace sides of yourself you kept hidden from almost everyone. And the more honest you were with your new team, the more they seemed to like you. Who would’ve thought that whole “be yourself” thing would be actually paid off?

You were happier than you’d been in a long time, and you had Hotch to thank for that. The fact that his call for help aligned with a forced 6-week break for your team after a series of rough cases seemed like a match made in bureaucratic heaven.

“I can be at Quantico first thing Monday morning, unless you need me sooner?” you offered, already pulling out your laptop to search for extended-stay hotels in the area.

“Monday morning will be perfect,” Hotch’s relieved voice confirmed. “Thank you again, for doing this. I don’t want to put you in a situation that’s bad for your mental health…”

“I’m doing better than ever, Hotch,” you answered honestly. “I wouldn’t have agreed to this if I wasn’t safe.”

“Good,” he said, sounding a little less than convinced. “Great. Temporary credentials will be at the front desk at the guest entrance.”

You smiled. “See ya Monday, Hotch.”

-0-

“Do you miss them at all?” Jeremey asked, a night of drinking and bonding shifting from lighthearted to heavy with the addition of “just one more” drink.

“The BAU?” you confirmed, taking a sip of your drink. “Yeah, I guess.”

Keith barked out a laugh next to you. “God, I would’ve hoped a profiler would be a better liar!”

You rolled your eyes, taking another drink, but remaining silent.

“Anyone in particular?” Jeremey pushed.

“The transfer was pretty out of the blue,” Alicia noted. “Chief said you weren’t even talking until she got a call from Quantico.”

“Bad break-up?” Keith offered. You scoffed and rolled your eyes again, taking an even bigger drink than before.

Jeremey gave you a pensive look. “No break-up.”

Your jaw clenched. Alicia gasped and Keith groaned.

“Unrequited love!” Alicia crooned. “Oh no, sweetie!”

“It’s water under the bridge,” you said sternly.

“It’s been two week,” Jeremey argued.

You shot him a dirty look. “Water moves fast.”

A tense silence fell over the table, your new teammates worried over pushing you too far as you stewed in the heartbreak you ran 3,000 miles to get away from.

“Not that fast, apparently,” Keith muttered.

-0-

“What the hell is she doing here?” Morgan asked to no one in particular. JJ and Garcia turned to follow his line of sight, eyes falling on Y/N, sitting at her old desk and taking on a stack of files like she never left.

JJ shrugged. “Hotch is working like three different jobs right now. Maybe she’s here to help out?”

Morgan listened to the explanation but wasn’t a fan of it. He didn’t like not being in the know, especially not when it came to his work or friends. Part of him was always going to be bitter about you leaving them without so much as a ‘see ya later,’ but a bigger part of him was worried about Reid.

Everyone knew the kid was in love with you pretty much since the moment you two met. They were all waiting for someone to make a move, though they all seemed to seriously under estimate your guys’ shared ability to ignore the obvious in preference for not disrupting the status quo. It would’ve been impressive it wasn’t so damn frustrating.

The game of ‘sit and wait for one of the idiots to crack’ became an in-joke on the 6th floor, to the point that people started a betting pool. Some hopeful fools bet you guys would be dating in a year, while more cynical colleagues gave it to retirement. Morgan was in the middle, as was JJ (though she’d never admit to placing the bet). Eventually, they learned to laugh at the tedious situation, finding the shared clueless almost endearing.

The lighthearted joke was on shaky ground when people starting filing into work one day and saw your empty desk. It was crushed when Reid didn’t come back from his lunch break that day.

At that point, Morgan hurt for both of you.

He noticed your deterioration a few weeks prior, but had no clue how to help. Savanah told him to just offer help, but he knew you’d never take him up on anything. Instead, he just sat back, kept an eye on you, and hoped you’d find your way out of this hole, just as he’d seen you do before.

He figured the empty desk was you’re attempt to get better. Though it hurt, he couldn’t fault you for it. His sympathies, however, were lost the next time he saw Reid.

The kid took the rest of the week off, which Hotch easily gave. Morgan visited him that night and found the heartbroken genius sobbing on his couch, cradling a stuffed animal you’d given him as a Get Well Soon gift after the Anthrax scare. Reid would never admit it, but Morgan knew he brought that thing with him on away cases.

Reid admitted to having found an NA meeting after visiting your apartment and said he spent the rest of the afternoon commiserating with a few people from the meeting. He didn’t trust himself to be alone, but couldn’t bring himself to face your empty desk.

As much as Morgan didn’t want to hate you, he couldn’t help it in that moment.

Two years later and Reid still wasn’t over you. In fact, he’d pretty much given up on the thought. The team hoped that maybe he could move on with Maeve, since the two of them seemed so close and Garcia and JJ swore that was one of the reasons you left, but nothing ever came of it. They were close friends, and Maeve helped take care of him after Texas, but they never became anything more than friends. Morgan asked Reid about it a few weeks ago, and the kid said it just didn’t “feel right.”

“I mean, there’s supposed to be something there, right?” he asked, eyes focused on the carpeted floor of the jet. “Like a… a spark or something?”

Morgan sighed and shook his head.

“I don’t know kid,” he said. “It’s different for everybody.”

Reid shook his head, clearly agitated with the lack of answers.

“But there’s supposed to be something,” he repeated, trying to work through the problem himself. “And if it feels the way I think it feels, then me and Maeve… we aren’t it.”

Morgan steadied his breath, careful to keep his expression neutral as the conversation took the turn he feared it would.

“How do you think it’s supposed to feel, Reid?”

Reid sunk into his seat, gaze distant and voice soft as he lost himself in his memories.

“Like everything’s okay,” he whispered. “Even when they aren’t, they will be, because she’s there. Like my life is just… better with her in it. Like I can’t remember life without her, because she fit so well. Like… like I can’t… can’t fathom life without her, even though I know… I know she’s gone.”

He was on the verge of tears when he finished, and Morgan’s simmering disdain for you grew just a little bit more potent.

“Be nice to her,” Garcia growled under her breath.

He could never hide anything from Penelope.

“At least don’t be rude,” JJ offered.

“Oh what, like she was to us?” he snapped, immediately regretting it when both women scolded him.

“Fine, fine,” he said, holding his hands up in surrender, “I’ll stay in line.”

“What line?” Reid asked innocently as he walked up behind his now shell-shocked friends.

“Uh…”

-0-

You stared up at the ceiling, tracing the freckled pattern of the tiles you’d become so familiar with the past 24 hours.

Hospitals were good places, you reminded yourself. They were important places. They were places that people needed – especially people in your condition. If you were a victim (“you are a victim,” Alicia’s voice reminded you), you’d expect yourself to stay at the hospital and do exactly what the doctors tell you.

Somethings were easier said than done.

You figured you wouldn’t be so bored if you could do literally anything, but the damage done to your midsection meant you couldn’t get out of bed. Normally, you’d take that as a chance to catch up on some reading, but both of your wrists were in splints and useless until further notice.

You remembered the feeling of thick metal cuffs digging into your skin. You remembered helplessly dangling there, trying to keep calm and find a way out of there. You still weren’t sure if you were targeted because of your job or if it was a random act of very, very bad luck, but at a certain point it didn’t matter. What mattered was surviving.

What you remembered the most – beyond the pain and fear and anger – was the breathlessness. The longer you hung there, hands chained to the pipes above you, the harder it was to breathe. You got into the habit of pulling yourself up for a few seconds, just to catch your breath, but you couldn’t maintain that kind of exertion for long. You knew if you didn’t figure something out soon, you’d die of asphyxiation before the actual murder.

For some reason, that fear stuck with you. To this moment, you couldn’t shake it. There were times when you still couldn’t catch your breath.

In those moments, you wished for Spencer. You didn’t even have time to hate yourself for it; you just wanted your best friend there to make you feel better. You wanted him by your side where you knew he would be, should be. You wanted him explaining exactly what that asphyxiation thing was all about, since the doctors and nurses offered little insight beyond “the damage isn’t permanent.”

You’d been wondering all year if you made the right decision. You’d been haunted by Spencer’s confession and the nagging little ‘what if’ that pestered you into believing that maybe he wasn’t totally, exactly lying. Usually, you’d combat these thoughts with the cold hard fact that you can’t turn back time, but right now you didn’t want any facts that weren’t coming from your best friend. The man you left back in Quantico. The man you still love.

-0-

Spencer finally put down his pen sat back from his desk, stretching his arms over his head to work out some of the kinks forming in his shoulders and back. He’d been the one to takedown the most recent unsub, so he had about 3 extra tons of paperwork to fill out. He didn’t realize how late it was until suddenly you and he were the only two left in the office.

You’d been back for about two weeks, and Hotch confirmed it was only temporary, but Spencer couldn’t help the way his heart jumped seeing you at your desk again. He tried to remain objective. He tried to tell himself that you weren’t staying. He tried to tell himself that you hadn’t even spoken to him unnecessarily since you’d been back. He tried to tell himself that you didn’t even look at him when you did speak.

None of it mattered, though. None of it mattered because when he looked up from his desk at 10 p.m., you were there, working as diligently as ever, as though nothing changed.

But things did change, he reminded himself.

He smiled sadly before returning to his paperwork. He didn’t want to finish it too quickly – didn’t want a reason to leave. He didn’t know if you’d be here tomorrow, and he wanted to relish every moment he could, even if those moments were spent in silence.

“So did you actually get shot in the neck?”

He looked up in surprise, gaze locked on you, drawn in by the curious, concerned look in your eyes.

God, it’d been so long since he’d looked into your eyes.

He tried to answer, but found his throat was too dry to speak. Instead, he just nodded.

Your lips pursed in response.

“I’m no life coach or anything,” you said, “but I think maybe that’s a bad idea.”

Spencer couldn’t stop that laugh that broke from his lips. He shook his head and leaned back in his chair.

“I figured I’d try something new,” he reasoned, smiling widely at you from across the darkened office.

Your eyebrows shot up in amusement.

“And?”

“It was a bad idea.”

You fell back in your chair, arms wrapped around your waist as your entire body shook with laughter. It had been so fucking long since Spencer last heard you laugh – even longer than since he’d last seen you. He never knew he could miss a sound so much, even one so enchanting. He didn’t know how long he sat like that, watching your smile, listening to your laugh, reveling in your mere presence. He found he didn’t really care. All he cared about was seeing you happy again.

-0-

“So you’re really going back to Quantico, huh?” Jeremey asked as he sat on your bed and didn’t help you pack – like a dick.

“Just while we’re on sabbatical,” you told him from inside your closet. “They need serious help around the office and I need a serious break from this break.”

Jeremey chuckled. “Yeah, you never were one for time off.”

“Gives me too much time to think,” you muttered, throwing a few blouses and dresses over your arm and walking towards your suitcase on the bed.

“So have you kept in contact with anyone from Quantico?” he asked as you folded up the clothes. “Like, do you have any idea what you’re walking into?”

You shrugged.

“I know the basics,” you said. “Who left, who stayed, most recent trips to the hospital, that kind of stuff.”

Jeremey laughed and nodded, before sobering back up and getting to the point you figured he’d been trying to get to all afternoon.

“Do you know how long you’ll stay there?”

There it is.

“Until they find a full-time replacement, Jerry,” you sighed. “Just like I said last time. And the time before that.”

“Yeah, but what if they’re not looking for a replacement,” he pushed. “What if they’re looking for a return?”

“The parable of the prodigal daughter?” you half-joked, walking back to the closest and fetching a few more items. When you came back out, the usually playful Jeremey had a very serious look on his face.

“Look, Y/N, you know we love you-“

Oh, that’s never good.

“But you know you’re better suited for the BAU,” he said firmly. “You’re built for that kind of work. You can handle the stress and the travel and the constantly shifting gears.

He continued, “And while that makes you a great asset to this team, it’s clearly not as rewarding for you. Besides, we literally all know you still miss them. If you want to go back to the BAU, you should.”

You smiled softly, always a little honored to see the serious side Jeremey.

“Did Chief put you up to this?” you joked. “Am I getting fired?”

Jeremey rolled his eyes. “If Chief knew I was saying all this stuff to you, I’d be the one getting fired.”

-0-

“I heard you were kidnapped last year,” Spencer said as you two waited for the elevator. “Are you alright?”

You nodded your head ardently, your exhaustion once again overpowering your plan to not chat with anyone – especially Spencer.

“Yeah,” you said. “They didn’t have me for long. Honestly, it’s the most interesting thing that’s happened out there.”

Spencer gave you an odd look as the elevator doors opened.

“I think that’s how it’s supposed to be,” he said as he got on and pressed the button for the garage. “The BAU is the odd one out in that regard.”

You chuckled. “Yeah. Some people have said I’m better suited for the BAU. Apparently I bore too easily on my other team.”

Spencer laughed softly, and you reveled in how comfortable it felt. Anytime you had been alone with someone else, there was always an awkward tension. JJ didn’t know what to do with you, Derek hated you, and Penny didn’t want to scare you away. The only person you felt like yourself with was Spencer.

You tried to ignore the way your heart fluttered at the thought.

Even if you did come back, nothing would happen between you two. He had Maeve, and you had… well, nothing really, expect too much pride to admit to Alicia's “unrequited love” theory.

Suddenly, the elevator jostled, pulling you from your thoughts.

You looked to Spencer and saw him standing next to the control panel, handing moving away from the Emergency Stop button.

“I need to talk to you,” he said quietly, eyes looking off to the side. “And it’s going to be weird, but I need to do it.”

You nodded silently, bracing yourself for whatever came your way.

“You hurt us,” he started. “You hurt all of us when you left like that. And I know you were doing what you had to do, and you have no idea how amazing it is to see you happy again, but you did hurt us.”

You nodded along, biting your lip to keep it from quivering. Spencer grew more confident as he spoke, walking closer to you and catching your eyes with his.

“I was messed up for a long time, and I don’t think Morgan will ever really forgive you for that.”

You nodded, and he stepped closer.

“Blake couldn’t handle the tension in the team with you gone,” Spencer said quietly. “And I know Hotch had been looking into early retirement. You kept this team together, Y/N. You kept me together. And you just… left.”

You nodded again, tears welling in your eyes.

“I know,” you whispered, breaking his gaze as you moved to wipe your tears away. “I know I hurt you-“

“That doesn’t matter though,” he continued, softening his voice and stepping closer to you. “None of it matters, because no matter what I do, I still love you.”

Your breath caught in your throat, and you blinked away fresh tears as the demon of doubt returned to his summer house in your brain. You hated yourself a little bit for the rush of excitement you felt at the confession, but couldn’t fully condemn that romantic part of you. All you could finds a try to keep her in check.

“I thought-“ you started, sputtering out as you choked back a sob and took a shaky breath, “I thought…you and Maeve…”

Spencer shook his head, stepping even closer.

“Maeve and I are nothing,” he practically whispered, his voice and enticing. “We’ve never been more than friends – never been close.

“It’s always been you, Y/N,” he whispered, somehow even closer than before. “Only ever you.”

You wanted to believe him. You almost did believe him. You were so close to finally believing him, if only that damn demon would shut the fuck up.

“Only me?” you asked, cursing the pleading tone in your voice. “Y-you… you l-love…”

“Only you,” he whispered, face slowly getting closer and closer to yours. You had to act fast – figure this out before he got too close and you threw all reason down the elevator shaft. “I am completely, helplessly in love with only you.”

That’ll work.

You closed the waning distance between you, grabbing handfuls of his shirt and pulling him closer. He reciprocated immediately, cupping our face gently and taking control of the kiss.

You let the kiss – 6 years in the making – wash over you, running your hands down his chest and wrapping your arms around his waist. He stepped even closer to you, forcing you back against the wall of the elevator.

His body pressed up flush against yours and his hands slid back into your hair, gently tilting your head back and deepening the kiss.

You moaned into his mouth as your body shook with anticipation and thrill. If he was as shocked by this reaction as you were, he didn’t show it.

Encourage, you let your body take over, tongue fighting his in a playful battle while your hands slid around the waist of his pants and pulled him even closer. You started fumbling with his belt when his large hands enveloped yours. He pulled away from the kiss.

“Not here,” he said, breathlessly reaching for the Emergency Stop button and pushing it in. “Not at work. Where are you staying?”

“Depends,” you said.

“Depends?” he asked, pulling back to shoot you a confused look. “On what?”

You smirked at him.

“On whose place is closer.”

Spencer confused look drained away as he began to laugh, pulling you back in for a playful kiss. You two pulled away from each other again as you reached the main floor.

“Garcia said you might be coming back,” Spencer asked, desperate hope clear in his eyes as they stayed locked on yours. “Is it true? Are you coming back to us?”

“Technically,” you said softly, “I don’t have much of a choice.”

You suppressed a chuckle at the confused looked the genius gave you.

“Chief finished the transfer papers on her end this afternoon,” you said. “Faxed them over to Caitlin earlier this evening. If she still works late, I’d say they’ve been processed.”

Spencer’s smile was so bright you swore you’d go blind if you kept staring at it.

You refused to look away.

“So what you’re saying is…” he urged.

You smiled brightly at him.

“I’m already back.”

A/N: And we have a happy ending! Hope you enjoyed!

Taglist: champagnesugamama bibliophile1773 kimvtaeokay rawritsmolly supernaturalhunter333 spencerreidreads ultrarebelheart mrssierrarogers theawkwardbutterfly roupasuja wheresthewater crazylizardlove (I tried to get everyone, but with the way notes have been acting up I can’t be sure. Sorry if I missed anyone)

#spencer reid x reader #dr. spencer reid #criminal minds #fanfic #also this has only been through one round of light editing #so sorry for any glaring mistakes #i wanted to get it out asap #i know how sucky angsty cliffhangers are

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